So I'm not sure where to post this exactly because my flu test was negative-- but I had whatever other virus from hell is going around the US right now a couple of weeks ago. It started with body aches and chills and a horrible headache-- that lasted a few days, and then congestion joined the party. After a while the body aches and headache went away but the congestion stayed and last week I noticed my tonsils were swollen and covered in white patches and I had a sore throat and swollen lymph nodes. I have been to the doctor and they prescribed me antibiotics to see if that did anything for the tonsils. I haven't had a fever this entire time, but I have had night sweats and I still have them. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I'm so sick of this

PLEASE HELP ME I hope you can be understanding of my problem, I need to tell someone what is happening to me. I hope this is just anxiety and a panick attack but I cant convince myself.
My cat is unvaccinated, i've been postponing vaccinating her against rabies for a while, exactly two weeks ago I let her go out in my yard and she came back with a bee sting on her chin, she has a little bump where the bee stung her. She is very playful and a little agressive at times so she bites and scartches me a lot.
She seems more vocal than usual in the morning, but that may be because we moved into a new appartment.
Anyways, sunday I started feeling wierd like im floating and Im very confused, i started having diarheea and nausea and feeling very axious thinking i got rabies from her. She doesnt foam at the mouth or salivate excessively, she seems fine, eats and drinks normally. But I cant stop feeling like I got rabies from her, I try to convince myself that she sould have gotten ill in those two weeks that have passed if she actually has rabies but my symptoms are only getting worse. I cant sleep well and Im very restless, when I lay down i feel like my body Is weightless, im very confused all day and now I think im getting a fever. Sould I go to the hospital?
I need to mention that a day before this all started, I engaged in drug consumption, I feel very ashamed saying this but I need to know if this is relevant. To be more exact, I was on a mephedrone bender for a day, just before this all started.
I also have a runny nose and a sore throat, maybe from the drugs. But its been almost 72 hours since i stopped, why do I feel like this? I keep convincing myself that i have rabies and i go into full blown panick attacks. Please help me

Synopsis:
An engineer in another world—blending science and magic to achieve greatness in a world where skills and levels reign supreme.
—
Ethan was just a plain old engineer, but everything changed when he was reborn into a world of skills, levels, and magic. With his advanced knowledge far ahead of the time period he finds himself in, this new reincarnated life will be much different than his last, especially because he can construct, deconstruct, and reconstruct runes—something no one else can do.
But with royal politics, looming tax collectors, a mountain of debt, dungeon incursions, cults, and hostile fantasy races mixing together into a cocktail of bullshit that threatens to bury his dreams; Ethan must bridge the gap between steel and sorcery to grow stronger. — Runecrafting is slow burn. — What to Expect: - Weak to very strong progression - Hardcore wish fulfillment - A balance of action, kingdom building, and runecrafting. - MC will trigger an industrial revolution, revolutionize magic, modernize agriculture, communication, commerce, textile production, education, transportation, sanitation, weapons manufacturing, leisure & entertainment, and medicine.
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Chapter 04

-1-
Ethan's heart thumped in his throat as he looked at the arrow's head glinting. Fortunately, Roland had grabbed it in an instant. The arrow hadn't hit Ethan, and it likely wouldn't have. Roland threw the arrow aside as Ethan heard a muffled grunt and glanced out the window to the right. An arrow had pierced the side of their driver, right between the shoulder and chest. Ethan whipped back into his seat just as another projectile smashed against the other side of their carriage, denting it. Roland immediately stood up with a calm demeanor and unsheathed his sword. "Lord Theodore, please remain seated. This inconvenience will be dealt with shortly."
Ethan blinked up, nodded, and clasped his hands around his knee while resting his head against the window ledge as Roland got out. Situations such as this weren't anything he'd ever dealt with back on earth, but he had plenty of experience keeping himself in check when fear took hold. He'd been a boxer, after all. Ethan tapped his finger on his knee, again and again.
"Die, you shits!" a voice yelled, then a meaty crash was followed by a pained groan. It was clearly someone falling over. Moments later, footsteps approached from the other side. A man swung the carriage door open. "Get—"
Before he could say much else, a sword pierced through his chest. He slumped and hit the ground without a word, revealing Roland standing with a blank expression. His eyes were different than anything Ethan had seen since his transmigration—Roland looked nonchalant even after taking a life, which was understandable given that the man had likely taken a lot of lives. Ethan closed his eyes, refusing to look at the dead body.
More footsteps grew nearer. Two sets. They stopped beside their carriage. "Well fuck, what a piece of trash." one man said, then lurched at Roland with a bloody shout.
The fight was over in an instant.
Roland simply disappeared from his position before Ethan. Reappearing behind the two bandits flanking him, he delivered an equally lethal strike to each in turn. Simultaneously, a sharp crackling and whooshing sound made Ethan tense. Spreading out on the floor before the carriage, a dark blue magical glyph buzzed like electricity, sending sparks of electricity slamming into the bandits.
Then, the bandits' bodies split in two halves, their blood sprayed across the dirt before they even began collapsing with electricity sizzling on their bodies.
Just as he'd felt movement in the air through [Magic Perception], a man materialized right in front of Ethan. Tensing, Ethan didn't know what to do
Roland shouted from outside. Adrenaline rocketed through Ethan's veins. Hand moving, he grabbed the bandit's hand and twisted it. The bandit tackled him, and with the tight space, Ethan felt the tip of a knife nicking the side of his cheek. The wound stung badly, and with it, Ethan's mind blanked and his instincts kicked in.
Roland swiftly spun, but not in time to stop the man from pinning Ethan against the bench.
However, it wasn't needed. Ethan used [Elemental Spells] and summoned fire all over his palms. A sizzling sound erupted as the bandit cried out and went for Ethan's eyes with his free hand. Ethan bit the bandit's hand, and only got half a mouthful of skin and cloth. The bandit reeled back and leapt backward from the sudden burning pain, crying out as he crashed. Ethan lunged at him, grabbed and force-flipped the bandit's hand, and plunged the knife into his throat with an aggressive grunt. There was a short, gurgled cry, before the bandit tried swinging the knife towards him. "Cunt... bastard..." his bloody mouth formed the words, his eyes staring fearfully, but Ethan pushed the knife aggressively.
Blood sprayed and gushed onto Ethan's mouth.
Then, finally, the man stilled.
The corpse's weight fell onto Ethan, hot blood spilling out of the bandit's throat and filling the air with an acrid odor. Ethan felt it on his face. Hot. Metallic smell. He saw it dripping down the bandit's throat, all across his clothes, even in his hair. It was heavy, almost. Layer upon layer, the heavy cloak of the man's life weighting down on his spirit.
System notifications flashed but he ignored it given that bile rose in Ethan's throat. His vision darkened, and a rush of blood roared in his ear as his heart thumped like thunder. A violent urge to vomit rose within him, his entire body twitching. He had never seen a man die in front of him like this before. Disgusting as it was, he gulped everything down, even the reality he had found himself in, the death, the violence, it all set in at that moment. However, he had no time to delve on it. Even though he felt like someone had squeezed his windpipe, like a bullet was tearing through his skin, he needed to act. Now.
Ethan flipped the man aside and sat on his knees, pulling out the knife from the bandit's neck. From his place on the ground, he glanced at Roland engaged with three bandits.
One slipped past Roland and made it to Ethan. They're trying to get a hand on me. Why? The answer was simple. Oh, right... I'm a noble, they can just put a knife on my throat and demand shit...
Instead of giving the bandit the upper hand, Ethan took a breath. Once. Twice. Now or never, thinking so, he raised the knife and dove headfirst toward the approaching enemy. Caught by surprise, the bandit merely moved his free hand to counter attack. His fingers grasping the bandit's arm, he twisted it away, giving him room to go straight for the eye.
With a meaty sound, Ethan plunged the knife through the man's eyes. Blood spurted with a slick sound. The bandit wasn't fast enough to make a full reaction, as a sort of instinctive scream of terror got stuck halfway and died out. Then, as the feeling of having ended another life settled within him, Ethan retracted the dagger and stepped back. His back slamming against the carriage, he slid down and pressed a hand against his forehead. His cheek hurt. He smelled sweat and blood.
Fuck... Fuck... Breathe. This is... I can't... Breathe.
A chill ran down his spine and his heartbeat roared. He took a breath, adrenaline still surging through his veins. The sick feeling didn't leave his stomach, his entire body twitched as if electrocuted every once in a while, and his eyes started going hazy, unclear. Black spots in his field of vision. Sticky warmth all over. Hot metallic odor in his nostrils.
"Lord Theodore!" Roland's voice acted as a way for Ethan to reorient himself into reality. Roland looked ashen, not because he was tired but most likely because he'd let Ethan get into such a vulnerable position. Roland glanced at the corpse, then Ethan, then back at the corpse again, looking tense, lips tight and hands clutched into fists. "Are you alright, my lord?"
"Yes, of course," Ethan said as he studied the wound on his cheek. I need a healing skill. However, he noticed the visible distressed Roland was having and continued. "I'm fine. Don't worry. It's no big deal. For the moment, we need to clean up this mess."
Ethan could tell Roland was uncomfortable with the situation and Ethan's complete indifference, but the warrior dutifully obeyed his lord's commands. Ethan slumped onto his seat and looked through the notifications.
Your race, [Human], has leveled up — Lvl 0 -> Lvl 1!
Your class, [Mage], has level up — Lvl 0 -> Lvl 1!
[Unranked Mage] -> [Initiate]
[Elemental Spells] — Lvl 5 -> Lvl 6!
A [Quest] approaches!
Hmm, this is the second time I see the message 'A [Quest] approaches'... What is it? Why doesn't the system just give me the [Quest]? Are there conditions? Regardless, it seems that [Elemental Spells] just needed some use in battle instead of just plain old practice. Curious.
Ethan leaned back with a sigh. Now that his heartbeat wasn't drumming in his ear, the fear slowly ebbed away. All things considered, this turned out well, given the situation. However, now that he'd calmed somewhat, his eyes landed on the corpse right beside him, and that fresh scarlet blood seeping into the floorboards. The heavy coppery scent, the unmistakable smell of death. It all came crashing into him and he could no longer deny what he'd done. It had all gone so quickly.
No theatrics, the knife had just flown in, and the bandit had struggled, then stopped struggling.
Ethan stared at the corpses. With his hands on his lap, he gazed vacantly. For a single, stretched-out moment, the only thing he was aware of were the lifeless bodies right next to him, the sensation of having one less enemy standing in the way. One of the bandits had his jugular slashed. Another had a knife poking into his eyes. Ethan had killed them. Him. It was nauseatingly easy, taking another's life. It felt good. Ethan was disgusted at that thought, but damn did it feel good. I—I... I won. He wanted to grin, but he didn't.
Soon, the bandits were dealt with. Not a minute was wasted, and they cleaned up and got moving in a hurry, before Roland could throw the corpse inside the carriage out, Ethan stopped him.
He'd been staring at it, sitting there, silently. Bile would rise to the tip of his throat before he'd swallow it, a stone in his gut making his movements stiff. It felt unreal. When he took that step to make sure the bandit was dead, his eyes met with those of the corpse—with glassy black pupils that appeared frozen mid-realization that he was dying. Fearful, horrified eyes. Human eyes. Ethan stared into them, felt every fiber of his body clench, saw the smears of blood across the man's mouth where his desperate breaths had made him cough up, to live.
Ethan stared, not because he was a masochist or someone who derived pleasure from other people's misery. Rather, it was because he wanted this to never happen again. His reaction. It hadn't been optimal. He just knew he'd need to kill and spill blood if he was to survive, and thus, he needed to familiarize himself with the sight of death—death caused by his hands.
His thoughts were a little less orderly than he liked. That needed to change, fast. It would always be a burden, so he simply chose to stare, knowing he was staring down his weakness—at his fear.
After a solid five minutes, Ethan turned around. Roland's gaze met Ethan's. For a brief moment, the gaze was averted, the warrior showing clear guilt. Ethan placed a hand on the man's shoulder. "Roland, don't blame yourself. I understand you must have felt cornered and unable to react. Just know I appreciate you. Don't beat yourself up for it. There have been no casualties on our side."
Roland bowed his head. Ethan smiled, though it was strained. Roland had been standing there for a while now but hadn't wanted to interrupt Ethan's self-reflection time, despite being tense himself. The guards had burned the corpses. Soon, the men Ethan killed were taken out, too. Then they left for the woods.
A guard who appeared to be a [Mage] that had a spell called [Cleanse] walked to the carriage, and placed his hands near the gore-splattered interior. In mere moments, a rune flickered into existence, then, mana got sucked out of the guard, seeping into the rune—soon, the blood and even the smells were swept clean and everything returned to being a neat and tidy.
The guard staggered a little before his comrades stabilized him. Must be quite demanding, Ethan noted, nodding appreciatively as the guard stepped out of the carriage. "That's quite the useful skill," Ethan said, examining the results.
Roland gave a silent nod, no doubt feeling pretty damn bad about his failure.
The guard, on the other hand, bowed with a smile, clearly appreciating Ethan's recognition. "It's a pleasure to be of service, my lord. This humble guard has had this skill ever since he became a mage."
Ethan made an impressed noise. "I see."
The guard beamed, then bowed even more before walking over to his fellow guards, who patted his backs at a job well done. Then, the horses pulled the carriage, and the carriage resumed moving. As soon as his back had settled into the cushion of the seat, an exhausting wave rolled over Ethan's body.
Before everything, however. I saw the rune. Ethan grinned a little, then willed mana into the shape of the rune.
It sputtered.
Ethan tried again, connecting different parts of the rune. One. Two. Three. Four. And as the rune sputtered again.
Throughout the journey to Deadwoods, Ethan kept at it.
He failed every time—
—and he didn't know why.
An immense headache assaulted him, and he had to stop his attempts.
-2-
The Deadwoods proved to be just what he'd expected. Dead. Charred branches and crumbling trees lay spread throughout. Roland looked around solemnly. Ethan was more interested in what kept this place the way it was. This land was, to put it simply, the most horrific location in the entire barony. It was a huge portion of a forest that appeared to be dead, thus why it had gotten the name Deadwoods.
Leaves crunched underneath Ethan's feet, and he studied his surroundings with morbid curiosity. The trees, branches and leaves were all dark in color as if something had scorched them. Many creatures lived here, animals like the usual game of deer, wolves, and foxes and sometimes there'd even been bears spotted. The dangerous thing, however, wasn't that the animals existed, it was that they were magical beasts. Mutants.
"Lord Theodore," Roland said, hand on his sword, eyes darting around in caution. "It is dangerous to be here—"
"Peh." Ethan waved his hand nonchalantly, much to Roland's shock at such an uncharacteristic behavior. "It will be worth it."
After all, I'm gonna have fun hunting monsters, leveling up, and finally, finally finding some goddamn tree ash.
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I first started noticing that something was wrong around 3 months ago. At the time, I was working from home and would usually light a scented candle while I worked, which usually helped me relax and stay focused on my work. I would usually burn through a candle a week, but over time, the candles started to take less time to fully burn up. At first, I thought that this was because of a change in ingredients the company that made the candles used, but the problem persisted after I switched candle brands, which I once again blamed on the candle manufacturers.
I kept this belief for another week until the first incident. While getting up from my computer desk, which faces away from the candle, to take a quick bathroom break, I caught a glimpse of the lit candle. A two-inch layer of molten wax rested on another three-inch layer of solid wax, the wicks rising out at first and being somewhat visible through the molten layer, finally breaking the surface and being slowly burned away. The flames flickered as I swung the door open and walked out of the room. When I returned 10 minutes later, the molten layer was gone, and the wicks had been shortened so that the flames rested right above the solid layer of the wax. At first, I thought that the glass jar that contained the candle was leaking, but after a short inspection, I was only able to find two small drops of candle wax that had solidified right next to the candle on the bedside table. I still had 2 hours of work left to do, but I was too lost in thought and was unable to do any work for the rest of the day.
Every night before I go to sleep, I like to read for at least 30 minutes, and while reading, I usually light a candle. Around 4 days later, I had mostly forgotten about the incident and went back to using candles. Due to my naivety, it returned.
I fell asleep while reading with a candle lit on my bedside table. I woke up to loud slurping noises. As I opened my eyes, the brightness of the light I had not turned off almost blinded me. As my eyes tried to readjust to the light and focus on what was in front of me, I saw a somewhat humanoid dark gray to light blue blur that contrasted with the white paint on the walls behind it. Another gray line stretched from the shape's head to the candle on my bedside table. I could feel my heart skip five consecutive beats. I opened my mouth and tried to force out a scream for help, but the pressure I applied to my throat was way beyond what it was able to handle, leading me to only produce a light wheezing sound. I tried to sit up or to at least prop myself up, but my muscles failed me. Trying to push myself up with my arms felt impossible. As I stared at the figure that had suddenly appeared in my room, my eyes finally managed to focus, making it possible for me to see the intruder who was now staring at me. The figure was a man at least 7 feet tall, fully naked; he looked bloated; his eyes were bloodshot and looked like they would pop out of their sockets; at any point, his skin was a grayish light blue.
HIS LIPS
His lips extended from his mouth like an elephant's trunk, which had been split in half. The lips extended from the man's face to the candle; the flames had been put out. He was using his lips as a makeshift straw, slowly sucking up all the molten wax from the candle, which had fully liquified while I was asleep. I laid in bed, unable to move, unable to scream for help, staring until he emptied the jar. His lips retracted back to his face, the molten wax solidifying on their tips and cracking, flakes of wax falling off the man's lips and falling to the floor. The man grinned, staring at me. The ridges and gaps between the teeth were filled in with wax, making it impossible to make out where one tooth ended and the next one began. The man opened the door he was standing next to, but instead of walking out of the room, he stepped behind it. His face peered at me from above the door, and then once again, like he had done to drink the wax, the man puckered his lips, which stretched from his mouth and floated to me. I shook and tried to roll over away from him. I wanted to get up and run, but my fear had taken over my body. Tears flowed from my eyes. He kissed me on the cheek, leaving flakes of wax and light moisture. He retracted his lips and lowered his head behind the door.
I don't remember falling asleep, but when I woke up, I saw the empty glass jar, which at one point contained the candle. Even though I had hoped that what had happened was a dream, it wasn't. I still had flakes of wax on my cheek, and on my bedroom floor, the wax in the jar had disappeared. I called the police, but they were unable to find anyone in my apartment; they also could not find any evidence of a break-in.
After the break-in, I started looking for a new apartment to move to, thinking that the man was tied to the building I was in, but even though I had thrown out all of my candles, I could not stomach spending another hour in my apartment, constantly looking over my shoulder or walking around with my back pressed up against the wall to not allow it to creep up on me. Thankfully, my friend Emma was able to let me stay over at her apartment while I looked for a new one for myself.
Me and Emma have been friends since we were 8, and we've been there to support each other when times get rough. This isn’t the first time I've had to stay over at her house for an extended amount of time; in fact, I have had to stay over at Emma’s as many times as she has had to stay over at my apartment, whether it was because of evictions after losing a job, breakups, or a candle wax drinking squatter. I didn't even know if it was human. I mean, sure, it looked like one, but human lips are not supposed to do what his did, and somehow it didn't have a reaction to molten wax being poured down its esophagus. I didn't tell Emma about what happened—the details at least—I just told her that a man had broken into my house and was watching me sleep. The only people I told the truth to were my therapist and the cops, and all of them disregarded what I told them as my mind making things up after a traumatic event.
For a while, I believed what they said—I mean, why wouldn’t I?—but then I started seeing him again. For a few days, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me again like it had done during the night of the incident. For split seconds out of the corner of my eye, I would see the outline of a tall, bloated figure. At first, they were hours apart, but after a while, it became constant. He was standing in each room I passed, in every single dark corner I glanced past, and then he spoke.
“FeeD MeEeee”
It stood in the kitchen, peering over from a small gap between the fridge and the sink, where the trash can that had been knocked over onto its side usually stood. His voice was raspy, and every word that came out of his mouth was distorted as if he were gargling water, but still, I could somehow clearly make out each word he said from over 15 feet away.
“Please just leave me alone I… why are you following me?”
I shouted at the figure, the same fear that had taken over my body during the night I saw him for the first time paralyzing me, making it impossible for me to move anything other than my eyes, eyelids, and mouth.
“i’M sTarviNg, I nEEd You To FeEd ME”
It replied again. Now, stepping out from behind the fridge, he stepped directly onto a rotten banana. Its mushy brown content’s seeping out of the peel under the pressure of his decomposing foot, which was covered in scabs, and took up the same grayish light blue color as the rest of his body. He mostly looked the same; his bloodshot eyes bulged from their sockets, but now his tongue was swollen. It peeked out from between his bloated, cracked gray lips; it stared at me, waiting for an answer.
“Ok, I’ll.. I’ll feed you, but please just... leave me alone.”
I replied, the tone of my voice shifting into high-pitched squeals with every quick breath I took. He looked satisfied by my response. He somehow squeezed his bloated body back into the gap that was at least four times smaller than him. After peering over at me from above the fridge, he bent over backwards, his spine releasing a series of sickening cracks until he was fully obscured by the fridge, and then he vanished.
Still barely in control of my body, I limped over to the couch tucked away in the back corner of the living room, it took me at least 10 minutes to steady my breathing and 20 more to fully regain control of my body again but as soon as I did I ran out the house and to the nearest store, during the 15-minute walk he stared at me through dark windows and the backs of cars, peered out at me from gaps between leaves in the trees and bushes, he even followed me into the store staring at me from the middle of deserted isles before disappearing right before my eyes were able to fully catch him, once I finally got the candles I randomly picked four off of the shelves and rushed to the self checkout.
When I arrived home, I had 2 hours before Emma got off work. I didn't want to feed it while she was home, and I didn't want her to see it. I pulled out two of the candles from the black plastic bag and placed them on the kitchen table, the first a light blue candle named “Garden Rain” and the second a red candle named “Juicy Watermelon." I pulled out a lighter from one of the drawers Emma used after her stove stopped lighting on its own and lit each of the 6 wicks on the candles. As soon as I started seeing the wax melt under the heat of the burning wicks, I dropped the lighter onto the table next to the candles and ran out of the room. I could not stomach seeing that thing again; even just thinking about it made me shudder and hyperventilate. The paralyzing fear that seeing him caused me made me want to vomit.
At least 30 minutes later I started to hear it drink even though the living room and kitchen were separated by a wall, even though I had closed the door I could still hear what at first started as slurping sounds which were followed up by loud gulps, then it stopped, and once again 30 minutes later it started drinking, as the slurping started once again I heard the door to the apartment crack open, it was Emma, as she stepped through the door I saw her carrying two large brown paper bags of groceries in her hands, she was headed to the kitchen.
“Hey let me grab those for you”
I said running over to her, my voice shaking.
“Oh, thanks. Are you… okay, you look scared?”
My eyes shot wide open in a mixture of fear and surprise. I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Yeah just umm… I didn't expect you to come home so early and I got a bit spooked”
“shit sorry, I know I should have called you, work let me off early today,”
I started to turn away from her walking to the kitchen.
Trying to keep her away from the kitchen I told her to wait for me in the living room because I wanted to talk to her about something. I didn't know what I would talk to her about but that was a problem for future me to resolve, somehow it worked.
“What's that sound?”
She called out to me while walking towards the living room couch. It took me a few seconds to come up with an excuse.
“I think it’s the sink, or the pipes at least”
I opened the door to the kitchen with my eyes closed at first hesitant to look knowing what would be greeting me. slowly prying my eyes open I started to see its outline, my muscles started to lose strength as the details of the man came into my view, I felt the grocery bags start to slip from my arms, my knees buckled, face first I fell onto the kitchen floor scattering the groceries all over the floor, I mixture of a light scream and a yelp escaped from my mouth as my body made contact with the floor, Emma concerned for my safety ran into the kitchen, she didn't scream, using all of the strength and mobility I had left in my muscles I rolled over expecting to see her face drenched in terror, her body frozen still unable to move just like my body had done the first time that I saw him, but Emma looked concerned, the man was gone, she crouched down beside me.
“Oh my god are you ok? What happened?”
I looked around observing my surroundings.
“I um… I… I tripped on the little thing at the bottom of the doorframe”
I finally managed to blurt out another excuse, not being able to remember what the name of a door sill was. I started to sit up using a part of the energy that had returned to my body, pain pulsed through my chest and arms, Emma looked at me with a concerned face.
“You've been acting really weird since I got home, are you sure you're ok?”
“Yeah… I think I’m just having one of those days you know”
The confusion on Emma’s face said that she didn’t know and to be honest I didn't either, I guess my luck of pulling random excuses out of my ass ran out, Emma thought that she triggered some sort of PTSD response after barging into the house unannounced at first apologizing then trying to change the subject to stop my trembling which I was still unsuccessfully trying to hide from her.
“Did you buy candles?”
Emma asked picking the groceries apart from the garbage that spilled out the can that the man had knocked over, placing them on the table next to the now half-empty glass jars, the flames flickered above the inch or so of molten wax the man was unable to finish drinking.
“Yeah I’ve been struggling with work lately, they usually help me focus”
“Huh Interesting combination you’ve got going on here”
She looked at me and smiled slightly, I smiled back and chuckled to seem normal.
“Yeah even I don't know what I was trying to accomplish here, to be honest”
I tried to help Emma clean up the spilled groceries but she did not let me, she told me that I needed to recover like I had been in a car crash instead of having taken a little tumble. After a few seconds of silence, Emma spoke again.
“Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about earlier?”
A quick jolt of stress shot through my body, in a jumbled mess of lies and fear I had forgotten what I had told Emma, I sat there in silence for a few seconds unable to come up with an excuse
“I…umm… I don’t remember, it wasn't anything serious though”
“Damn did you hit your head too?”
She said once again proudly smiling at her joke.
At this point Emma picked up the last bag of potato chips from the floor and placed it on the table, then she opened the fridge and started loading the groceries into it.
“Anyway I gotta go get back to work’’
I blurted out after a few more seconds of awkward silence.
“Alright well good luck”
I walked over into the living room and sat down in front of my workstation, which now consisted of a laptop sitting on a small foldable TV tray that had just barely enough room left on it to fit a small USB mouse.
The last thing I remember, before I fell asleep, was me mindlessly scrolling through apartment listings while Emma watched a random 90’s horror movie I’m positive only had a budget of $500.
I woke up with a light stinging pain shooting through my dry throat, and a dim hissing sound caused by thousands of water drops striking the ground outside filled the room. I pressed the spacebar on my laptop, the brightness of the screen blinding me temporarily, after taking a few seconds to let my eyes readjust I managed to make out the time, 3:45 AM. A strong smell I was unable to make out the origin of assaulted my nostrils. Lavender.
The smell hitting my nose had the same effect on me that I would expect smelling salts would have on a weightlifter right before they set a world record. Before I knew it my legs were moving on their own at an almost uncontrollable pace, fighting back against my mind which was telling them to slow down after years of being used to navigating both mine and Emma’s apartment as steadily as possible to not bother the neighbors.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity I stood before Emma’s bedroom door, a faint, yellow, pulsating light radiated from a lamp and snuck out of a small gap between the door and the doorframe, reluctantly I pushed my left hand up against the door, my right hand grasping onto the door frame for a sense of stability, once the door was fully agape I scanned the inside of the room my heart skipping a beat for every humanoid shadow cast up onto the wall by the lights from the wicks which were set ablaze and were being slowly burnt away.
I walked into Emma’s room and made my way over to her bedside table to put out the candle, as I stepped closer towards her, her face became more defined, I could finally make out her features, she was awake, but no she could not have been, even though her eyes were wide open they never blinked, she didn't even move slightly, as I moved closer I finally managed to fully make out the expression of pure terror on her face, her mouth wide agape as if she was about to release a deafening screach, but she could not have, a single drop of solidified wax dribbled out of the corner of her mouth and clung to her cheek, my eyes traced the cream colored path back towards her mouth, first up her cheek then between the corner of her mouth and finally behind her teeth, there instead of her tongue or the roof of her mouth I saw a wall of wax which had filled in the entirety of her mouth.
I fell to my knees and hunched forward supporting my body weight with my arms, I was too late, I resisted the urge to vomit and got back up onto my feet, a mixture of tears and snot slid down my face and onto my lips, shaking now I slowly started limping over towards my phone which I had left on the couch next to where I had awoken just minutes before, just minutes before my life was destroyed because of my lies if I had just told Emma what I had gone through, if I had just told her what had happened on the night of the incident which now seemed trivial, even if she thought that I was crazy, I know that she would have complied just to make me feel comfortable.
It took me at least 30 seconds of repeated attempts to stabilize my hands enough to properly dial 911. “Someone broke into my apartment and hurt my friend” was the only reasonable explanation I could come up with that would not get the operator to hang up on me thinking that this was a prank call.
I sat there in the living room for an agonizing 10 minutes, crying, my sadness slowly transformed into anger towards myself, and my mind raced thinking of all the lies I’d told, I kept thinking that if I had just told her the truth she would not have been laying there in her bed, her body bloated, “every single orifice has signs of forced penetration and has been filled with what seems to be candle wax” is what was written on her autopsy report.
For a few days I was the main suspect in Emma’s murder, but due to the almost unstoppable crying and the unresponsive state that I was in when the police arrived, mixed with the lack of evidence of me having a way to produce 30 pounds of candle wax led to me being released out of police custody, but because I was the main suspect I was not told any details about what had fully happened to Emma, for days all I had to work off of was the image of her face frozen in terror, and a short glance I caught of her bloated body as she was being carted out on a stretcher.
I recounted every single word of our last conversations over and over again until they became permanently etched into my brain.
Emma’s parents originally wanted to cremate her, as that is what she had somewhat jokingly asked for whenever the topic of funerals came up, well she had joked about wanting to have had unpopped popcorn shoved down her throat before she was sent off to “scare the shit out of the guy cremating me” but due to all the wax which would have been impossible to get out of her body they were forced to bury her.
A few days before Emma’s funeral her body disappeared.
After Emma’s death, her parents took me into their home, after reading the autopsy reports and seeing her corpse they had thrown out every single candle they owned which made their home the safest choice I had, still, this did not stop me from buying a machete and keeping it under my bed, just in case.
I was laying on the bed in their guest bedroom The day that the police informed Emma’s parents about her disappearance, the bedroom is right above the front porch of the house, at first I heard them ring the doorbell which was followed up by 3 powerful knocks on the door, for about a minute I laid there on the bed listening to muffled voices exchanging distorted words I was barely able to make out which slowly transformed into distorted weeps, curious I lifted myself up from the bed, made my way over to the window and carefully lifted the bottom panel making Shure to not make too much noise, the distorted muffled sounds started forming into coherent words “We checked the security footage but the only strange thing we could see was a 5 second time jump” one of the officers spoke in a serious and almost monotone voice “which meant that the security guard who was the only person in the building had to climb down 2 flights of stairs walk through a 40 foot long hallway and then drag her body back up stairs and out of the building in 5 seconds” Emma’s mom let out yelp “ but don’t worry ma'am that’s actually good news because we know that her corpse is still somewhere within the building and was probably brought to the wrong floor by an intern, we’ve already warned all of the staff at the hospital to keep an eye out, and we also sent 5 officers to search the hospital”
I could not believe what I was hearing, my breathing quickened, but this time instead of fear I felt anger, that fucker stole her corpse and was probably in the weird separate plane of existence he always went back to after terrorizing me, cutting off chunks of her body, melting her, and drinking her.
I closed the window Emma’s mom's cries once again turned into a muffled rumble which was only possible to make out if you knew what to look for, I took a few steps back away from the window planning to lay back down, not wanting to bother Emma’s parents. I bumped into something, not something, someone, its fleshy towering form as solid as a wall sent me tumbling forward, I knew it was him, he had returned to take me too, to stretch his swollen cracked lips, push them down my esophagus, fill my lungs and stomach with wax. But despite all of that this time I was not scared, I was angry, and I was not going to stand there in terror like I had the last time I saw him.
I fell forward onto my knees my face missing the window sill just by mere inches, I put my hands onto the floor, lifted one of my knees, and rotated 180 degrees now facing the monster, to the right of him pushed up against the wall was the bed, light from the sun reflected off of the metallic button which kept my machete in it’s sheathe, the man started to stretch his lips, they were moving towards me, waving a wiggling through the air like a snake slithering towards me.
I dove towards the bed one of my feet pushing off of the floor and the other pushing against the wall which creaked under the pressure applied to it, I flew for a few moments before slamming down onto the carpet and sliding forward, the heat generated by my skin brushing against the carpet released a sharp stinging pain throughout my body, my outstretched arm landed just a few inches short of the machete, I quickly bent my arms, pushing my body up and crawled towards the machete. my fingers wrapped around the handle I spun around, my back pushed up against the bedside table, once again facing the man, he was still facing the window but his lips faced me and were just a few feet away from me, for what felt like minutes but was most likely no longer than a second, I struggled to hook my finger under the strap securing the machete into its sheath, as the lips inched towards me the man started producing gurgling noises, he was regurgitation wax.
I finally pulled the machete out of its sheath, I swung the blade at the man's lips, the blade was not met with any resistance as it sliced through the man’s lips which landed on the carpeted floor with an audible thud, the man did not have a physical reaction to my counter-attack, his lips kept creeping towards me, once again I slashed at the lips, still no reaction, I repeated this at least 3 more times.
I wanted to kill him, I wanted to take revenge for what he had done to Emma, but fighting back was pointless. I realized that no matter how much I tried to hurt it, I could not kill him, I could not get rid of him.
My rage dissipated and a mixture of fear and sadness crept in, and soon took over my body, I screamed for help, I screamed in fear, in agony, tears streamed down my face as the man's lips finally reached my face, he wasn’t met with any resistance as his lips snuck between mine, pried my jaw open and finally started to slide down my esophagus.
I heard the cops run up the stairs, they started banging on the door asking if I was okay only to have been met with muffled screams, hot wax started to pour down inside of me, the stinging pain of the heat made me want to plunge the machete which I had dropped onto the ground next to me into my stomach to create a gaping wound that the wax would hopefully funnel out of, the texture of the man's slippery, oily lips matched with the poison like flavor of the wax caused me to start gagging, I felt my insides bulging like at any moment my intestines would have been filled to the point where they would pop, I wanted to vomit, the drain myself of the filth I was filled with, but his lips had plugged my throat not allowing anything to get out.
Hearing my muffled screams the cops started kicking the door down, the man retracted his lips, the suction aided my attempts at cleansing my insides, I got onto my hands and knees streams of molten wax pouring out of me, solidifying on the the carpet, with another loud thud the door swung open slamming into the wall, the man was gone.
That’s the last thing I remember before I passed out, but according to one of the doctors who was in the ambulance that brought me to the hospital, I was still semi-responsive during the first 10 minutes of the ride to the hospital.
Approximately 13.4 pounds of wax were removed from my body, the doctors said that I was in a critical condition and some of them did not expect me to make it.
One of the officers who was there the day the man attacked me took a report of what had happened to me, due to the unmistakable evidence of what had happened to both me and Emma, and the fact that this was the 3rd instance of me reporting something like this the police finally started investigating who this man might have been.
Around a month later I was discharged from the hospital and once again have been staying in the living room of Emma’s parent's house.
I’ve been seeing the man again, candles were not allowed in the hospital I stayed at, which means that he’s probably very hungry, he’s close to attacking me again, I know it, he wants to finish what he started and I don't know if I have the power to fight back, I’m not sure if defeating him is even possible, I’m tired.
I’ve been seeing Emma too, her bloated, reanimated corpse often appears to be standing next to the man. If I let him take me will I get to join them? I’ve tried asking but they don’t answer, they just stare, I can’t keep living in constant fear, always looking over my shoulder, I miss Emma.

So I have this super fun issue where I am deathly allergic to the penicillin family of meds, as well as sulfa based meds. Just those are a HUGE NO. And as I've become an adult got to add on no medicines ending in -myacin. Not deathly allergic but the allergy signs were building up to where it could have turned bad.
Now, the weird thing is, I can take cephalexin just fine. That throws the pharmacy for a loop for sure.
ANYWAYS, I got a super weird cellulitis infection, out of nowhere, on the end of my middle finger on my left hand last Sunday. Woke up with my finger just hurting big time and by the afternoon I had a huge sore blister show up.
Went to urgent care on Monday, they prescribed me Levofloxacin. I just finished it yesterday, thankfully with no scary side effects, but damn if I am not so freaking achy all over. My Achilles tendons are super tight except when I first get out of bed. My hips are tight and today the palms of my hands decided to start to ache. I am certain this is all connected due to how Levofloxacin can affect your tendons. My question is, how long before this all starts to chill out? Advil and Tylenol together help some, but man I am walking around like an old lady this past week LOL.

Hey. I have a few thing that bug me. Sounds(Chewing, breathing, gulping, writing sounds, snorting mucus), visual(Long nails[white part uneven and/or longer that a few mm, people chewing gum beside me, body parts in my space/crowded visual field), physical(getting elbowed, personal space being reduced when I can't avoid it, hair in my face)
My sister(twin) doesn't seem to respect my issues at all. The overwhelming majority of the time she breathes loud or has a stuffy/runny nose and never wants to use a kleenex. She keeps her nails long. At school she spreads out and always has her feet in my desk space/elbows on my desk/bag against my chair.
I am well aware that people can't always control lots of these, or that they don't realize. However:

• She doesn't take allergy pills ever, claims that blowing her nose "dosen't help/makes it worse"
  
• She bugs me with her nails and refuses to cut them. Gets mad when I offer nail scissors. She's cut them it once for me before, but it was in return for something.
  
• She will move more into my space or back to where she was if I try to move hemove myself/have her move.
  

Every time I mention any of these she gets angry, calling me autistic(I am not diagnosed. FP doesn't believe I have it.) or a bitch. She will refuse to engage with me or tell me its not her issues to deal with/she shouldn't have to change for me. I also tend to have trouble hearing people talk, which she will also get frustrated at me for. She will tell me "whatever" in a harsh tone and refuse to tell me the information again when I can hear. She thinks I just came up with these to piss her off, but I believe I've always had them and only recently understood the root cause. I probably have other issue I don't mention, because I don't spend time with people outside my house. She's with me for at least 6 hours a day, I'm going to notice things. She only wanted her nails longer after I started recognizing my issues. It was 2 months after I got items to help me deal with my nails bugging me. The issue was definitely known to her prior to her having long nails. They aren't even maintained, they are just long.
My parents try to help, but they are sorta at a loss, as its often not in their vicinity, or its at school.
I do tend to get frustrated with the issues, and the more there is, the worse. I often cannot leave the area without backlash from her. At school, I cannot leave, I cannot switch desks, as she will follow me/get mad/ or we will get picked on by others. I have tried leaving, walking around for 10 and coming back, but its not practical, as I am in advanced classes that I cannot be missing. I have purchased Loop Switches and Flare Calmer Nights, but the Flares were useless and the Loops don't work during lessons or group work. I have switched to suffering with it, as mentioning it has not helped, but ignoring my bodies messages leads to general frustration and resentment of her.
I don't want a diagnosis for myself, as I don't see benefits. I don't believe she would change either.
How would I be able to work with her? Can I train myself to ignore the issues? What are possible solutions?
TL;DR: How can I deal with sensory issues associated with a person that is unwilling to accommodate without leaving or using noise cancelling devices?
Also any ideas for fidgets? I don't have any, but I have a metal mechanical pencil that has scoring on it. I like to scratch the scoring and mess with the clip. Also silicone things I can pick apart. Really just scratch or pick things. Preferably discreet so I can use it in school without questions.

What the hell do I have?
Last week I (M 18, 132 lb, 5'9") went back to my hometown to visit my family. As usual, my rhinitis attacked (at least that's what I thought) and I had a runny nose and sneezed a lot for the days I was there. After I returned to where I live, the symptoms didn't go away, but they didn't get worse either. Last Thursday I woke up with a horrible earache. I went to an ENT doctor and he told me that my right ear became inflamed (otitis) and I started treating it using an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory (ethodolac) a day later I started to show several other symptoms, my runny nose got worse, my phlegm was now yellow and thick and I started coughing a lot, a productive cough.I lost my sense of smell, taste and had difficulty hearing. Furthermore, I have a slight fever and body weakness, and a small stye has appeared on my left eyelid. I have no idea what it is, I don't know if it's the flu, a cold, a bacterial infection, COVID 19 or even dengue doctors, do you have any guidance? thanks in advance.
I currently use finasteride and minoxidil to treat my alopecia and also Epiduo for skincare.I haven't had the flu vaccine this year (yet)

[ First / Previous ]
Memory Transcript Subject: Vili, Venlil Citizen
Date [standardized human time]: December 1st, 2136
The absent adults were due to arrive any time by now. I navigated the crowd of children who milled about the field, taking a head count to ensure everyone was in sight.
Those who had family attending the excursion were bubbling with excitement to see their relatives while a couple others trailed behind me, asking me yet more banal questions about venlil society and how it feels to have fur and a tail.
“I’ll let you in on a secret,” I had told April once. “It’s really, really… itchy. Have you ever had a bug crawling on you? Feels just like that. All the time.”
Chihiro didn’t approve as much of me saying that but Mercy seemed to enjoy the reaction I managed to get from the other kids. While I felt bad for exploiting the apparent human fear of insects, they were quick to forgive me, citing they “couldn't stay mad at a face like mine.”
Truthfully, I too began to enjoy seeing the children react to the things I'd tell them; the genuine nature in everything they did was more than I'd have expected from humans when I first arrived. Some of them would watch me with curiosity and wonder as we spoke, reminding me that this was a species who had only just been introduced onto the galactic stage and still had cause to gawk at the aliens.
Well, most of them.
Toward the edge of the gaggle of children was Lukas, moping away while trying to hide the black eye Amber had given him. A part of me was - flattered - disappointed that she'd risk herself to enact retaliation on my behalf, but I knew she wouldn't understand me were I to even tell her off about it.
Over the last few weeks, I'd gotten to know many of the children, though Lukas remained as distant as ever. In a way, I felt pity to see him so small even after witnessing the pleasure he got from putting others down and how infuriating I found his antics. He was full of anger and clearly had it misdirected at all non-humans for the actions of those who participated in the extermination fleet - at least he has reason.
I brushed at my ear to ward off the tingling sensation and let out an irritated growl. My hackles raised when I heard a sympathetic growl come from behind.
Turning about, I found that the source was Amber, also swiping at her ear in a mimicry of my action. I was far less bothered by her giddy snarl after having her do it every time she approached me, though it didn't make the itch at my back from almost jumping in fear go away.
“You do that a lot,” Amber giggled. “Is your ear itchy? Wait, don't answer that because I won't understand it.”
My ears whirled about and I tilted my head slightly to look directly at the strange little girl who'd been so eager to make friends with me from the very beginning. I'd accepted that, at least in her eyes, I was “Luka” and that I existed for her to talk to endlessly about her favorite hobbies despite her knowing she wouldn't understand anything I said in response.
Even then, I was still rather worried that I'd been so frequent with admonishing the more - sensible - pushy one that Amber had taken note. How many others could have noticed? I wasn't even sure how humans viewed me, but it wouldn't matter so much now that I was getting ready to return home to Luka.
I took a seat on the grass and found myself surrounded by a small following of kids that did the same. Amber, too, took a seat, but directly on my lap instead. I grunted as the surprisingly heavy child settled and I brought her head upon my scruff, allowing her to play with my paw.
“You only have three fingers and a thumb. That's pretty weird.”
“And you only have hair on the top of your head, that’s pretty weird too.”
“I’ll assume you were giving me a compliment…”
The other of the kids understood me and giggled at the back and forth as Amber raked a nail under my claws. While I was certain they were clean, Amber's scrutinizing stare felt as if I was being judged by my mother again.
“Your nails feel like a dog's. Maybe not as sharp.”
My translator interpreted that word as a “domesticated Terran predator” and I flicked my tail in indignation. I'd tried to shut out those who claimed I had traits akin to Earth fauna, though the accusations kept coming regardless.
From what I'd gathered, they believed my fur resembled that of a “sheep”, my tail and paws resembled a “cat”, and my ears were that of a “bunny”; now, I could add claws of a “dog” to that list. I had to keep reminding myself these humans didn't grow up knowing any other metric than that of the creatures from their home planet.
I knew the Terran Richard would return in the group that was due to arrive - Ma had made a point to inform me of such. The mention of the human's name spoiled my mood each time he was mentioned, and yet the Blackfox women continued to speak of him as though he was the most harmless thing.
I was not over the way he seemed to look down on my brother as an obedient servant, laying hands on him as though he were a dumb animal rather than a person. Luka had been the pillar that held me up since we were barely able to walk and talk, and it burned me up inside to see him crave the validation of predators when I knew he didn’t need it.
Amber, seemingly bored with one paw, grabbed the other as I let my arm remain limp. At first, I felt only the tickle as she played at the knuckles on this one as well, but there was a pause as she turned it over to face the palm outwards.
“Where'd you get this?”
I looked at my own palm and felt my heart skip a beat as Amber's claw pointed directly at the cut in my paw. I'd thought she had noticed it before, but the fact she'd call attention to it now when I was surrounded by the other children made a chill run up my back. I was still uncertain if bloodlust was a learned trait, and so being surrounded by juvenile predators at a moment like this did not sit well with me.
Trying to retract my paw, a lump raised in my throat as the human child’s grip hardened on my wrist. The other children watched with curiosity and neither of my assistants nor Martha were around to call for advice. I was to settle this on my own.
I asked with a shaky tone, “Amber?”
She rolled her head back until the tip of my snout brushed against her forehead. I got to look into the depths of her arboreal eyes, letting me see every red-blooded vein, every muscle twitch, every flash as they glistened in the red sun's light while the predator gave me her full, undivided attention. She even offered me her usual flash of the teeth. “Yeah?”
“Pah… Per… Pwers?”
I wiggled my arm in an attempt to indicate what I was asking to have released.
“Hold on, I'll let go in a sec.”
She understood me this time, but I sighed as she promptly ignored my request. She once again played with my claws, twisting them back and forth gently as she hummed to herself.
“Looks like it was made by your claws,” she concluded while continuing to toy with them. “This is why my momma always had us trim Butterscotch's claws, because she kept scratching me up when we played.”
The name once again tripped up my translator, describing it as a candy made from melted sugar and congealed milk fat. I tried to suppress the bile that built in my throat as I considered that worse than the item's description was the fact that she'd named an animal which had a reputation for scratching her after it.
Please, please don't throw away everything we'd built in this one moment.
“I miss Butterscotch,” she muttered. “But now I have new friends! Alien-friends!”
She rolled her head back again and looked back up at me.
“Like you! We're friends, right Luka?”
Her eyes shone with bright innocence and juvenile glee, making my fears melt away.
“Ie-e… I’ezz, frn'dz,” I confirmed. Apparently, my vocals didn't lend themselves to speaking Amber's tongue any better than hers did mine. Every word I spoke felt as though I needed to clear my throat after.
“Cool!”
With that conclusion, the dark-haired girl snapped back to my arm and pressed her lips to the back of my paw. I went slack as she did so and it felt as though all of my muscles had lost their function at once as I sat motionless and silent. I could see and hear the world around me and yet it didn't register that anything existed.
I felt her face lift from my flesh and Amber proclaimed proudly, “Momma did that every time I got bruised up and told me it helped with healing! So maybe you'll get better too!”
“Ah-hah,” was the only response I could manage, made on impulse as the rest of my brain felt a million light years away.
“Alright, everyone,” a voice called from behind us. “They're here, so clear out so they have somewhere to park!”
There was a commotion as the children all scrambled to their feet, including Amber, and they rushed with zealous squeals back toward the body of the camp. But not me.
My jaw remained slack as I stared at the back of my paw, focusing on the wet spot imprinted in my fur. It was a bite of sorts, described exactly as Tac had told me, and yet not a mark was left on my flesh save for the tingling of nerves as I seized up.
My back hit the grass and I let my tail curl around my leg as I held my paw to the sky. “Wuh…”
Something approached and kicked up the grass as I laid still and glared at my decidedly unharmed paw. My eyes traveled up to find Mercy standing over me with the corners of her mouth turned downwards.
“You good?”
“Why did you bite Tac?”
“Lord help us all,” she mumbled while rolling her eyes. “C'mon, let's get you outta here before you’re turned into ven-paté under some truck.”
“Uh huh.”
The elder teen’s grip helped me to my feet as I regained faculties, though I still felt weak. “It was a legitimate question, though,” I told her.
“It's just a sign of affection, I guess. I never really considered it so much before, y’know? It's not like you really think about why everything is when it's so normal, right?”
Speak for yourself, I wanted to tell her, though I held my tongue.
As I took a seat, the thrumming of engines could be heard coming from over the brow of the hill. Apparating as though it were a giant, segmented insect were the adult humans in their ramshackle vehicles, rattling down the hill with each occupied by at least five or six bodies in each of the dozen autos.
The children and elders alike rushed to greet their family as they parked and disembarked from the chain of gas guzzlers. Parents lifted their children in the air and hugged them while the elders chatted with them. But among the troupe of humans that had arrived, I knew something felt off.
“They’re one vehicle short,” I noted to Mercy.
“Hm?”
“I counted them when they left. They’re one short.”
Her piercing gaze scanned the fleet herself before she nodded. “Mike’s missing.”
Michael was the driver that Richard had departed with and so that helped explain the deadpan Terran’s absence. Luka and Hileen both recounted the same human by name when talking of their experiences with them, with both drawing the conclusion that he had to be the worst driver on Venlil Prime.
“Psst,” came a voice hissing from behind. “Mercy.”
Mercy turned to give attention to Tac as he sulked away from the crowd as usual, though I remained with my back turned to him while watching the humans interact.
The tip of my tail tickled at the grass watching children get smothered in affection by their parents, and they in turn received hugs from their elders as others chattered. I itched at the back of my palm where Amber's mouth had been as Johnny's parents each planted a similar bite on his cheek and forehead. Chihiro carried her brother on her shoulders as she chatted with her own parents with brimming snarls.
“Looks like Mike had a bit too much fun and ran his truck off the road,” Mercy told me as she came back from talking with Tac. “They're on their way.”
“I can do without seeing Crow.”
“Yeah, well, I could do with a place to practice rock climbing, but we can't always get what we want.”
“You humans really are strange for wanting to climb stuff.”
“It's in our nature, no matter how deeply buried.”
She playfully bumped me on the shoulder and I returned with a gentle lashing of my tail against her ankle to which she welcomed with hissing laughter. The teenager wandered off in the direction of her family's tent.
The crowd that had gathered to greet the returning humans was slowly beginning to disperse as the vehicles were unloaded of a variety of equipment. I was relieved to find that there were no signs of blood or death to be seen, assuaging the deep-seated worry that I had of the humans being on the hunt. As little trust as I had for Crow, there'd be no redeeming one so sordid as himself were he to be everything he was as well as a murderer.
I looked forward to seeing Luka again, even if the only thing he had to tell me was stories of his human coworkers. Perhaps now I had stories of my own experiences with humans to tell him and maybe I'd get to see that glimmer in his eye once again that had so long ago been tarnished.
Amber's delighted shrieks were heard over the commotion and I could spot her being held in the air above her father's head as her toothy snarl became somehow wider. Her legs kicked while she wriggled in the hefty human’s embrace and turned attention to her mother as she was lowered into her grasp.
Even here amongst predators, thoughts of home still hounded me. The closest I could recall mom or dad ever coming to that was when they brought me along to one of their outings for dinner where I was allowed to pick the venue. I was still not permitted to talk to other people even then, but I didn't mind at the time.
The gurgle of another gas-powered engine roared over the brow of the hill, prompting a few others and I to turn our attention upwards.
Breaching the horizon came the last truck, though I was curious to note that it appeared to be driving backwards. Tilting my head didn't give me any more of a vantage to figure out why the truck backed up down the hill, nor did it help decipher the mindless chanting that ramped up as the vehicle closed the distance.
“John Wayne's teeth, hey-a
John Wayne's teeth, hey-a
Are they plastic, are they steel-a”
A claw tapping me on the shoulder spooked me, though I had grown to suppress the instinct to jump and make a fuss. “Momma would like to talk before we send you off,” Mercy told me. “She's in our tent.”
I obeyed the summons, almost forgetting how to navigate the maze of rickety shacks and tents to find the Blackfoxes’ residence. It was a simple task, though, once I remembered that the elder sibling had given it a “groovy” paint job.
Approaching the government-issued yurt that had been painted with vivid flowers, I found it odd for it to not have a horde of humans gathered around. They'd typically mill about Martha's tent while she spoke with each of them about their concerns, though what became of their talks was beyond my knowledge.
I ducked inside without notifying Martha, finding her seated at the squat table that was situated in the middle of the tent. The matriarch turned her eyes up to face me and she happily set her insulated cup down.
“There's not really any room for more chairs,” she told me. “But feel free to take a seat anywhere.”
My ears gently brushed against the top of the tent before I sat down just to the right of where she rested. In this claustrophobic environment, I'd have assumed I was being lured into a trap before. At the very least, I still kept my ears on a swivel for signs of trouble, but now confidence outweighed caution.
We sat for a moment without saying anything as Ma adjusted her seat to look at me directly, leaning an elbow against the table as she reclined.
She asked, “Enjoy your stay?”
I scratched the scruff on my neck as I wondered that myself.
“No. Not at first.”
“But now you can say you did?”
“Everything here is a new experience. For me, and possibly every other person who'd have grown up under the Federation.”
“You pulled through, despite being surrounded by predators. That's more than can be said for the lady who stabbed a guy in panic on the first day of the Exchange Program.”
My ear waggled in entertainment to think someone had set the bar so low. What fool would brazenly assault a predator to begin with?
“There were a few times where I thought I'd need to run for the hills,” I explained. “The children you raise are an unadulterated look into what life was like back on Earth, if nothing else.”
Martha chuckled and covered her snarl with a palm as she spoke, “I will choose to believe that's a compliment, given your opinion on us before.”
“I'd say it's a stellar review in the face of almost drowning while under your employment.”
Her face fell a bit and she rubbed the back of her neck while averting her eyes. “Yeah…”
“That is to say!” I blurted out hastily. “Th-that everything else has made it worth my time.”
My desperation to clarify myself felt embarrassing and my ears turned warm as they went flush. Martha sat still for a moment before she spoke again.
“When Richard hired you, he told me you wanted to up your price. 1200 credits?”
“It's a big ask in hindsight, I know. I didn't realize how tight your budget was at the time and I'm grateful that you've offered me—”
She waved a hand with a shushing hiss.
“We don't need to worry so much about that now. Where I was going with that was, that you agreed to our terms yourself, and accepted with only a reasonable upcharge. No other local would've been so quick to take on this job for even quadruple the price!”
“Brashness is a quality of mine I'm becoming more familiar with,” I joked.
“Must be something in the water. But payment is why I summoned you here, actually. We have only a few members who were on board with having an ‘alien’ presiding over the children, and fewer still who contributed any funds.”
“So what you're offering is out of the pocket of only a couple of contributors. I see.”
“I hope it doesn't lessen your opinion of us to tell you that.”
I scratched my snout and exhaled, shaking free the impulse to inquire any further with a flick of my ear.
“So I suppose all there is left to do is arrange payment, and I'll be on my way?”
“It would seem so.”
Heavy footsteps shuffled across the grass outside though conversation from the crowd remained distant. They stopped right outside of the entrance and the canvas foyer rattled as knuckles rapped against the cloth.
“Martha, it's me,” growled a familiar voice. “Everyone decent?”
“You’re clear, come on in.”
The flap shot open and my paw balled into a fist as Richard froze upon spotting me. The predator’s blank gaze didn’t hide their confusion when I could clearly spot their eyes flicking between Martha and I.
“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Crow asked.
“We were just finishing up,” I responded, making no effort to hide my contempt for the interloper's presence.
Martha waved a hand to one of the chairs. “Have a seat, and I'll be right with you.”
Richard seemed almost deflated as he sulked over to the table. I resisted the opportunity to trip him with my tail in front of Martha to humiliate him, instead glowering at him as he afforded me a quick glance. I turned my attention back to the leader figure that was present while he took a seat.
“So 1100 credits was the agreed upon price, yes?”
“It was, though if there's anything else you desire outside the monetary value, you need only ask. We can't offer much, but I'm sure I have the ear of someone who can.”
“Hopefully you don't mean that literally,” I jested, putting on a facade of worry.
I could spot Crow watching Martha chuckle at my quip. His miserable expression was almost unreadable, save for the furrowing of the pelts on his brow.
Let him watch me charm his kind as easily as he thinks he can mine.
I raised my tail behind my head while I leaned against the table and curled the end loosely to convey appreciation. It was a sign that was rarely used outside of close bonding - that is to say, it'd been a while since I had been able to use it.
Recognition didn't light up in Martha's expression but I was content with projecting affection in any way I could. Understanding wasn't as important as the gesture itself.
“So might I at least know the names of those who did contribute? I'd like to express my thanks to them.”
Richard was the one who responded, “I wouldn't ask questions I wouldn't want the answers—”
“What he means,” Martha interjected. “Is that most contributors wouldn't like being mentioned by name. Aliens are still a polarizing subject and can crop up arguments that others may be obligated to avoid.”
My ears and tail sagged a bit. “Did my presence bring up that much of a problem?”
“More like it's one of a million other things these people can't agree about. But of those who I think would enjoy a bit of gratitude, you may already know some of them.”
“Oh? Tell me!”
I made eye contact with Crow who remained quiet as he cradled his chin in his palm against the table. His bored demeanor irked me in ways I couldn't describe.
“The Ito family, of whom you're already familiar with their daughter Chihiro, were the first to pledge. They're good folk and will happily accept your thanks. Next was myself, though I didn't give much. One of our cooks, Raksh, also contributed a bit, though that may have been more out of courtesy than anything else. And lastly…”
She lazily extended a claw toward Richard.
“... is Mister Crow here, your biggest donor who paid damn near half of your wage!”
Slowly, I felt myself deflate as enthusiasm made way for disappointment. I gritted my teeth to keep any brash words from escaping my lips.
“Closer to a third, actually,” he corrected her. “And with me already having the contact details of your brother, that means I can help set up the rest of the transaction.”
Even when I think I'm winning, he finds a way to one-up me.
“Would you mind giving us a moment, Vili? I think Mister Crow came here to say something and I’d hate to keep you from saying your goodbyes.”
Obliging her request, Martha and Richard waited patiently as I shuffled out of the tent. I hadn't realized how tightly my paw was clenched before reaching the outside where I felt my joints creak with relief as the fist unballed.
In the short time I'd been away, I secretly began to crave interaction from any of the humans I'd become acquainted with. My mind drifted to the slop that Big Joe always served, and how he always laughed every time I tried to inquire as to his full name. It wasn't quite dinner time, though, and so I then considered if any of the kids were still roaming about for me to tell stories to.
Whispers came from the tent before I could set a destination and my ears immediately perked up. I'd found that the humans’ ears were not nearly as effective as mine and so I found it easy to go unnoticed around them. I assumed they thought I was out of earshot by now.
I crouched on one knee and raised an ear to listen, though it was garbled hisses from this far. Curiosity got the better of me and I shuffled on my knees toward the tent, hiding in the shadow cast by an adjacent tent to mask my presence.
“... playing games with the lives of children,” came the low growl of Crow.
“Miss Ito and my own daughter are both very capable of defending themselves and the children from a venlil, Richard. You need to have faith that things can turn out alright.”
“Faith! She wanted to—”
There was a pause before I heard heavy stomping through the canvas. The mesh flaps that acted as windows were quickly torn shut one by one. I feared Crow would spot me, but he seemed too focused on hiding whatever it was he was talking about.
“She told me that she would've used my brains to add character development to a fucking snowglobe. Faith wouldn't have saved me if she carried through.”
“The fact that she informed you of her plot should be some small comfort that there's a piece of her that trusts you.”
“We don't know how many pieces there are! Should we wait for her to try to gore me on the street a second time? Perhaps you’ll get some insight if she sticks a claw through my eye?”
“I'd never let it come to that. I do wonder why it is that you're so worried about her. Did you not tell me you knew someone in her position?”
I heard a huff leave Richard before he spoke, “That was while she was getting help from professionals! What, do you hope to get her the therapy she needs from some squalid nowhere shantytown when we're eating out of the aliens’ trough ourselves?”
“It's a preferable alternative to leaving her at the mercy of the Federation's methods of ‘healing’. At least this way, she's getting help that matters.”
By this point, their voices had lowered into hissing whispers that even I strained to hear.
“I expect that you'll be more open with the others about your motives in the future, Martha. Maybe I have no rock to stand on when I say this, but your actions could very well draw the UN's eye, and the last thing I want is to have the Blues down here.”
“Is it related to your incarceration? Perhaps you were on parole before the bombing and fear the UN will be after you?”
I listened to rustling coming from my left and the conversation grew quiet. I turned to see Tac trotting along, surprisingly unaccompanied by Mercy as he shoveled a bowl of stew into his maw. He stopped mid-bite to look at me hunched over next to the Blackfoxes’ tent and narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
Shove off, I signaled to him. Come back later.
Weird, he replied before trotting off without fuss, thankfully.
There was something of a release from within the tent as I heard Crow and Blackfox alike exhale.
“I assure you, Richard,” Martha started again. “Whatever fears you have, you're protected by venlil laws of asylum as well as having the backing of myself-”
“We can do therapy later,” Crow butted in. “I'll take Vili home. I hope you're prepared to explain to your son that this mission we've embarked on wasn't the quest for glory he thought it'd be.”
“I've tried my best to tamp his expectations down, but I was hoping that Kanek would be open to publishing our actions. The bus that is taking the ones you rescued into town should be arriving shortly, and Kanek will be here soon after she's shushed them.”
I scampered off when I heard Crow trudge out of the tent, using my paws to crawl as quietly as I could manage out of sight. Blowing dirt off of the scab on my punctured paw, I walked off to find people I wanted to say goodbye to.

Most of the kids were already spending time with their families, but the few who still milled about and played were happy to give one last goodbye. Riley broke down in tears while we embraced and I now had a stain on the fur of my belly where her tears had soaked through.
I tried shifting by a group of the adults that were celebrating their return around a campfire. The looks I got as I did so were unnerving now that I understood the discourse that my presence had caused.
Approaching Crow, I pretended I didn’t know why he was slinking between groups and milling wanderers with a leering eye. He turned about to the sounds of my paws shuffling across the grass and threw his head backwards in a lazy greeting similar to how Mercy would.
“Are you ready to head back home?”
“I'm sure Luka has held the place down on his own… but yes.”
“Good, I'll bring the truck around for you and we'll be on our way.”
“Richa-a-a-a-ard!”
My ears perked up and I snapped my head about to meet the approaching Amber with her arms outstretched. Her voice bounced with each step as she rushed toward the towering Terran. Crow let out a grunt as she forced her arms around his waist and jumped about with glee.
“Mama said you were a party pooper! You told me you'd stay cool!”
“Aw, I'm sure you can forgive me for keeping to myself, Amber. Did you enjoy your time alone?”
Amber turned the corners of her mouth down in a pouty expression. “No, I didn't have anyone to help me with my homework!”
Richard patted the young girl on the back and began trying to pry her arms from him.
“I'm sure you managed just fine, you're smarter than the average second grader. And how did Vili treat you?”
I folded my ears back when Crow's eyes turned back to me.
“Vili? That's Luka!”
Amber finally unlatched herself from Crow and rushed over to my side, jabbing a claw toward me.
“See? The ear is the same color! And she knows when I say her name! Mercy told me venlil don't have boobies like human girls do but she's a girl! You were wrong!”
A couple of the voices closest to us erupted in the familiar, grating laughter that accompanied humans everywhere. I tilted my head while trying to grasp what it was Amber said that had earned such a response. Human and venlil physiology was different for sure, but I'd never considered it so entertaining.
Perhaps it's some in-joke that I'm not knowledgeable on, I thought, humans seem to like those.
Crow lowered his eyes to the ground and pursed his lips before squatting down and beckoning Amber toward him. She obeyed and the taller Terran cupped a hand over her ear, whispering quietly.
Amber's eyes lit up as Crow continued and her mouth hung agape. “Lu- ah, er…you're a twin?!”
In a rush, Amber grasped the fur around my ribs and began shaking me back and forth. “You were hiding it from me-e-e!”
Given this small child was still two-thirds my weight, I wobbled like a sapling in the wind as I tried to grab for the scolding child's wrists.
“Please. Stop. Gonna hurl.”
The little girl groaned and buried her face in my stomach. “You must think I'm pretty stupid too, huh?”
Mustering as much of my understanding of English, I belched out, “No.”
Amber buried her face deeper into my pelt while exhaling.
“l'ou… no donb.”
She raised her head to look me head-on, something which I couldn't return in full for the placement of my eyes.
“I'ou's… Zm’rd. Kappy. Ngai'z.”
“You stink at English,” Amber giggled while shooting me one last face-splitting snarl. I mashed her cheeks between my paws and she relented her grasp.
“I neeb go, fr'nd! O’gee?”
“Okay! I promise I'll try to know how to say ‘hi’ next time! And more.”
Richard butted in, “I'm sure she'll hold you to that promise, but I think it's time we got going.”
As soon as he had suggested as much, I caught sight of a human who was only covered in pelts from the waist down stagger into view. The glassy eyed stare and uncoordinated movement were all too familiar to me even without knowing where they were before.
They growled, “Fucks the alien still doing here?”
“Just about to get going, Paul,” Richard shot back. “Don't concern yourself with her.”
“It has been here long enough! Move along, little lambchop!”
“Man, lay off,” another human intervened. “She's as welcome here as any other guest.”
“Nah, Paul has a point. How do we know she ain't some Baby Burner spy or some shit? Get the xeno outta here!”
The humans quickly began bickering amongst themselves and I felt the firm grasp of Crow on my shoulder tug me away from the commotion. Amber trailed behind, watching the debates unfold behind us while we made our way along.
Crow opened the door in a raggedy truck in even worse condition than the others, standing aside for me to enter. While I didn't want to test the predator's patience in light of the tension behind us, I whirled about to give Amber one last goodbye hug. Her grasp around my neck was like iron though the wet streams on her face were all I needed to know that I should let her have this.
“You're gonna come back, right? You and your brother are gonna come and say hi?”
I saw no point in trying to cobble together an articulate sentence in her own language that'd fall flat as soon as I spoke. I considered my words carefully while I clasped her hands in my paws.
“I want to, but I have class that I need to catch up with, as well as I'm in need of a stable job once I'm through with this one. I don't know when I'll be back, but I want you to know that you've made this the best two weeks I've had in a long time, Amber. I don't know how much of my language you understand, but your enthusiasm has surpassed all barriers.”
She stared back up at me with her lips locked in an “oh” pose before turning to Richard who still watched with a lazy gaze.
“She said ‘maybe’.”
That seemed to suffice for Amber as she broke free and ran off squealing with her arms in the air as she always did when she was excited. I'd gotten used to the ear-splitting shrieks of the kids, and my ears didn't even fold back on reflex anymore.
“That's not what I said,” I grumbled to Crow.
He clicked his tongue as he held the door open for me. “Less is more. She's a kid, so she may not fully grasp your struggles anyway.”
With a huff, I crawled into the truck and kicked my feet up onto the dashboard while Crow ducked in behind the wheel. He twisted the key and the vehicle gurgled to life.
Strangely enough, I found that instead of the truck lurching forward, Crow put the vehicle into reverse, using the mirror to navigate up the hill. The truck seemed to make sure we felt every rock and bump that it struck, and I eventually decided to straighten out my posture so that I didn't get folded in half by a particularly bad bump.
Richard seemed unfazed by the sickness-inducing commotion, guiding the truck up the hill with a steady gaze. Stopping at the top, he whipped out his holopad and tapped away while quietly mumbling to himself.
“... hundred-fifty year-old country shit, sure why not.”
He tapped once more and the truck's audio system whirred with the melodic twang of a stringed instrument accompanied by simple percussion. A human's strange croon came over the speaker in a curious tune.
“You held me up, held me down
Made me crazy, then turned me around…”
Richard twisted the knob to bring the volume down to a more agreeable level and I caught a glimpse down at the camp. A group of humans were now gathered where I'd been talking with Amber just moments before.
Now, I could spot the human Paul bumping chests with a human much larger than he, noses almost touching in a clear display of aggression as they howled at each other. Humans pointed claws at one another and argued while yet more flocked to the scene of the commotion. Whether their motives were to disperse or exacerbate was yet to be seen.
“You were my shelter and my storm
Made me cold, then you made me warm…”
Crow finally put the truck in gear and we rolled backwards yet again, leaving the only sight before me the peaks of the Belimal retreating beneath the grassy brow.
As I let the truck shuttle me back to my brother, I yearned for the comfort of my own bed and blankets, for the soft hum of my own air conditioning unit, and for the obnoxious snoring and sleep-talking of my own flesh and blood.
From here, one might even be able to see the highest of the foothills from which my roots would lay betwixt, a reminder that the pangs of home weren't just knots in my stomach. Luka and I had a long way to go to get away from home, and even longer to be rid of it.
“One step forward and two steps back, nobody gets too far like that
One step forward and two steps back, this kind of dance can never last.”
[ First / Previous ]

Disruption
First Prev
There was a moment where Alex thought it might be prudent to reach over and grab Carbon’s jacket, just kinda ground her a little bit given what she’d done to the Royal Guard the other day. But the soldier had specifically told them to move away from him, so that might look like trying to take a hostage and he knew fuck all about this guy’s intentions.
He could say for certain he didn’t particularly enjoy looking down the barrel of a gun, though.
The only upshot so far? This guy, and the whole crew behind him, were composed. The translator was good at managing the nuance of voices and while he was loud, he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t nervous. He was doing his job. Presumably that job was protecting the ship.
From Alex. For reasons that were not obvious to anyone else in the room.
“Sergeant. I assume you believe you have reason to point that rifle at the Prince, but I would like it if you did not.” Carbon switched to Tsla, and she dropped right out of that friendly tone she’d just had, the pleasant demeanor she had carried discarded in favor of an unspoken preparation for violence. Her voice carried that as a promise, hard and low.
To his credit as a professional, the Sergeant didn’t react. He stood his ground, one eye hidden behind the sensor cluster of his rifle’s scope, the other still trained on Alex. “Princess, step away from him. He has attempted to compromise this ship.”
“Fu-” While Alex was emboldened to speak his mind by Carbon’s reaction, cussing the guy out first thing was probably not the best idea. He still refrained from making any sort of movement, as well. He had no idea how he could have compromised the ship sitting around talking about heraldry. “I haven’t done that.”
“He would not.” Carbon swiveled her chair to fully face the Sergeant, the systems on her clothing coming back online with a soft hum before racks of shield emitters that dotted her protective gear popped back to life. “Stand down now or I will make you.”
That got his attention, eyes darting to Carbon and back to Alex even though his firearm never wavered. He seemed to be taking Carbon’s words into consideration, at least, even if he did look unsure of himself now. He swallowed, ears flattening as he gripped the rifle tighter.
“I’d do what she says, just as some friendly advice.” He tried to act nonchalant despite his voice rising as fear crept up his spine. He didn’t enjoy the idea of getting shot, even if he was sure that he could get it fixed up if it was just a round or two in the chest. More time in the mediboard was not on his list of stuff to do. Alex cleared his throat gently, placing his hands on the table before he continued, hoping to set the Sergeant at ease. “Not big a deal anyway, I’m staying in this chair until I find out what’s going on.”
It didn’t seem to help, at first. He was clearly conflicted but his body stayed tense, gray eyes intent on Alex. He lowered the barrel slowly, the weapon still pointed in Alex’s direction but no longer covering him. The rest of his team followed suit.
“Thank you, Sergeant. Explain why you are here.” Carbon had dialed the venom back but her words were still sharp, commanding.
“Lady Sorenson, Communications alerted us to an unexpected transmission from this compartment’s intranet link.” He continued to eye Alex, still ready for action even if he wasn’t set to gun him down immediately.
Alex kept his hands on the table, turning just his head to look at the Sergeant. “And how does that implicate me?”
“Approximately fifteen minutes ago, an unregistered computer accessed the Human Solanet connection and began transmitting an encrypted datastream. All secured non-Tslao equipment has been checked to prevent espionage. You are in possession of the only unsecured Human electronics on the ship.”
“Okay, you know what. That is pretty good.” Alex nodded in agreement. Fifteen minutes ago was about when they arrived in the area, so potentially anything he had on him could have accessed the network. There was one little issue, though. “But. I can’t send any information. The only Human technology I have with me is my translator and implants, and neither of those have the modems to connect to networks like the Solanet. What’s more, no one in their right mind is going to let their brain implants touch the internet.”
Carbon gave a little nod in agreement.
The Sergeant was not so easily swayed. “There is no other place for it to have originated from.”
“I’m just saying, if I wanted to send data, I’d just send it via the milnet. I wouldn’t even have to roll out of bed.” He was getting a little more animated as he worked up his defense. “I had no hand in making this appointment, and I’m supposed to be the one using it as an excuse to ‘compromise’ the ship? Besides, if I had known there was a live Solanet connection, I would be up here daily.”
“The prince speaks the truth. I have seen him and he has no interest in deceit.”
The Sergeant shook his head, obstinate, which was probably a good trait in his line of work. “This is the only compartment with an open link to the Human public Solanet right now. All others are limited to their milnet. Communications stated that the stream originated from an unnamed device, not the workstation that had been issued here.”
That gave Alex something to chew over. Admittedly, it sounded like it locked him in pretty tight, even if he didn’t have the equipment, or inclination to do anything like that. He did have some lived experience that would prove his intentions out, though. “We can settle this right now. I’ll show you what I’ve been doing for the last fifteen minutes. The whole damn morning, if it makes you feel better. Come on, get those things out.” He gestured at the Sergeant’s antenna, currently resting in an interface on the back of his combat shirt.
He looked from Alex to Carbon, even glanced over at Lyshen for half a second. “You can do that?”
“Yeah.” Alex closed his eyes and exhaled a very annoyed sigh. “Yeah I can. I don’t have the antenna, but it still works. It’s a brain layout thing. You know how it works for babies or people who are unconscious?”
“I do.” He contemplated what Alex was saying before shaking his head. “It does not matter. I am not here to determine your innocence. I am here to take you into custody and move into an area where you cannot continue to transmit data.”
“Really. I’m telling you, I’m not transmitting any data. I have no way to do that.” So just fuck off. He didn’t say that part, but it was there. He wasn’t here to compromise the ship, whatever that meant exactly. He wouldn’t spy on anyone! Not on purpose, anyway. He didn’t even like the way just thinking about it made him feel...
But he worked for people who would gladly do so without issue. That was their entire reason for existing! It wasn’t the Civilian Pilot Program on the paperwork to get his Amp replaced, it was the Office of Naval Intelligence. It was the ONI that provided the Internal Translator with a custom language package. Who likely had fingerprints all over every part of his substantial list of wetware, which had been exhibiting unexpected behaviors since he got them. “Oh, fuck!”
“What? What is wrong?” Carbon jerked back around towards him, startled by his sudden burst of profanity.
“I'm fine, I just think he’s right.” Alex looked up at the Sergeant, the easy tone he’d been affecting so far gone, replaced by sudden intensity. “They cut the transmission?”
His eyes had widened slightly, the rifle back up at Alex’s chest. “Yes, it was stopped automatically.”
Lyshen’s Solanet link hadn’t gone down, it had been shut off by Communications.
“Good. Could you put that fucking thing down? You’re about to get what you came here for, so chill.” He slipped his external translator off his shoulder and started picking at the latch on the back with his fingernails as he turned to Carbon. “Could you call Eleya? I don’t have her number.”
Carbon had Eleya dialed in less than a minute.
Alex plucked the battery out of the back of the translator and dumped all the parts onto Lyshen’s desk. The lights on the device going dark after a few seconds, his Amp complaining as it lost the connection. He took the phone from Carbon. Remarkably, it worked just like a Human phone did. You just press it to your head and talk.
When the Empress picked up she sounded pleasant again, familial warmth cranked all the way to eleven. “Hello, my dearest niece. I am-”
“Hey, it’s me.” Even with the soldier’s rifles lowered again, each second waiting for Eleya had been an eternity. His suspicion about the transmission was making every moment stretch out, even though it would likely take some time to find out one way or another. “You remember that time I almost got killed?”
“Yes.” The charm had gone away, though she remained civil.
“I know you had some research done while I was out.” He assumed as much. They had the opportunity, it stood to reason they would take it particularly after what they had found out yesterday. Was that bad? Maybe. Did he care? Not right now. ”Did you do anything with my Amp?”
There were a few heartbeats of silence on the call. “Are you in a secure location?”
“Yeah.” Alex looked from Carbon to the Sergeant and over to Lyshen. “Of course.”
“All of your on-board technology was studied.” Eleya was clearly reluctant to say even that.
“Super. I need someone who’s gotten familiar with it to take a look at mine. There may be something wrong with it. Security and privacy problems, for you and me respectively. Big ones.”
Another hesitation. “Come to aft research lab six. I will meet you there and we will discuss these problems further.”
“Aft research lab six. See you there.” Alex tapped the button to end the call, which he seemed to have gotten correct. He handed the communicator back to Carbon. “I’m going to need you to translate for a bit.”
“Of course.” It sounded more like a question, but she nodded in agreement as the black rectangle disappeared back into her jacket. “What is in the research lab?”
“Something related to my Amp.” He assumed, anyway.
“Ah. I see.” Carbon seemed to be putting things together with him.
“Alright, this is going to look weird so everybody just chill. Don’t. Fucking. Shoot. Me.” That last bit was aimed squarely at the Sergeant. Alex reached up and began tapping his face in a particular series of locations. Left temple, right temple, nose, left temple again, left cheek... He ran down this physical cheat code and ended it by tapping his chin three times. All his machine interfaces shut off. “Okay. Somebody say something.”
Carbon was first to react. “What was that?”
She said it in English.
“I meant in Tsla.” He paused, a stressed laugh escaping him. That had been a little funny. “Deep brain interfaces have hardcoded shutdown sequences that sit in the body interface layer - also hardcoded - so it can’t be intercepted, or otherwise bypassed. Y’know, in case of runaway processes, lock-in, spyware your government installed. That sorta stuff.”
She rattled off something in Tsla that sounded a wee bit accusatory. He caught a ‘you’ in there, but that was it.
“Ok, it appears to be off. All the electronics I received from the ONI are currently off.” Alex stated that loudly, this whole endeavor suddenly feeling much more martial. He shrugged off his jacket, piling the translator and its battery into it and then wrapping it up into a tight bundle, which he stuck under his arm. Good thing he opted for the plain t-shirt today. “Sergeant, per the instructions of the Empress, please escort me to aft research lab six.”
It was weird to walk in such a large group and not have anyone talking. Seven people there, following Carbon as she actually knew where the lab was without having to consult a map. Everyone just walking. The single-note step of a Tsla’o footfalls was even more noticeable when that was the only sound, Alex’s heel-toe stride an outlier.
Ship security had their own maglev lines, running above the main line. There were multiple tracks, with smaller, windowless, cars. Everyone filed in, and they departed for the other end of the Sword of the Morning Light.
For the first time in quite a long while, he didn’t feel like chatting with Carbon about whatever was on his mind as soon as his butt was in a seat. Alex did reach over to her and pat her knee, smiling when she turned to look. She returned it, faintly, though the thin smile disappeared when the Sergeant looked over at them.
Since they were going to be looking at them, Alex turned his attention to their escort. Two gray, two red, one blue. Wearing the gray camo uniform that Amalu had worn, but none of them were wearing body armor, or even carrying much extra equipment aside from what fit on a belt.
The Sergeant had the most detailed rank marker, despite being ‘just’ a Sergeant, and was the only one carrying a rifle. The next down was a red-furred female that reminded him of Zenshen, but clearly wasn’t. Older, more muscular. About half as much detail on her rank, and sporting what looked like a snub-nosed SMG.
The remaining three were probably the Tsla’o equivalent of Privates. One of them had a single line carved in his plate, and looked almost as young as Haraya. All of them were packing some sort of sidearm, all stowed in holsters now. Alex did recognize the Tsla’o symbol for ‘electricty’ on the neon pink magazines on the belt of the closest soldier, clearly different from the plain black mags the two real guns had. Obvious visible differences for nonlethal weapons, if that convention held between their races. It was nice to see they hadn’t all come ready to kill. If the stun baton was anything to go by, those pistols would still hurt like hell.
The car dinged its arrival, the sound more business than the friendly notes that the regular maglev played, and they exited. Two stops from the furthest aft, and Carbon gestured for them to follow to the nearby lifts.
The ride had not done anything to ease the obvious anger that was simmering just below the surface. Alex assumed he was the only one picking that up because he’d come to know her well - her face was placid as they piled into the elevator, with the exception of a brow crease that he hadn’t seen since the early months of the Kshlav’o expedition.
They went all the way up to deck twenty.
While Alex was fully comfortable with Carbon’s navigation of the ship, the Sergeant and Not-Zenshen were discussing something quietly behind him, both of them looking at a map on his communicators when he stole a glance back. Neither of them sounded worried, but the Sergeant’s tones were much more relaxed as he traced a finger along the screen. Trust but verify, apparently.
There was a particular scent in the air as they approached a massive white blast door. Ozone, and a hint of something else hidden under it. Something bitter. Large block letters in Tsla marking the door as leading to... whatever was in there. Alex still couldn’t read enough of their language to decipher it, but he did recognize the symbol for ‘6’ at the end of one line.
Carbon leaned into the access panel and it scanned her - not the usual blip of a retinal scan, either. This took seconds, lasers sweeping across her face. Down and then back up, left to right, right to left. It beeped an affirmative and the heavy doors began to retract, the better part of a meter thick.
Beyond it was a large, brightly lit social area. Benches, plants, doorways and corridors running off to who knows where. There were even a few Tsla’o sitting at tables in the back trying to eat with the Empress standing right there.
Eleya had made good on her word. The Tsal’o Empress was waiting for them on the other side of the doors, arms crossed over her chest. Clearly annoyed, and flanked by the indistinct forms of her Guard. The most curious thing about her today was the shift in clothing. Her usual formal jacket replaced with a black version of the shirt the soldiers behind him were wearing, but buttoned to the top and bereft of any adornment. She wasn’t even wearing her piercings.
“Hey, my favorite aunt!” He lied, tossing his arms out and pulling her into a hug. Alex was careful about this, putting Eleya’s head between him and Carbon and lowering his voice to the faintest whisper. “She’s already mad. Best behavior.”
He released her before the guard did anything about that, which... Alex couldn’t tell if that was a training issue, or if he was on the OK to hug the Empress list. Perhaps the shakeup that Eleya had spoken about the night before was already underway.
Eleya said something to him, unaware he did not have his translator on. She didn’t spill the beans about what he’d said, as near as he could tell, a brief glance she shot him while smoothing her shirt out did make it clear she caught it. The Empress turned her attention to the Sergeant and rattled off something that sounded very official, ending her statement with a short bow.
The entire crew that had brought them there bowed back, deeply, and turned to leave. There was another Royal Guard on the door controls on this side, the blast doors sliding closed as soon as they had crossed back into the hallway.
Eleya turned back to Alex, and started talking.
He held up a hand. “Hang on. All my hardware is off.”
“He is not getting a translation right now.” Carbon added.
Eleya’s eyes widened at hearing a version of Carbon through her translator. They started conversing, going back and forth until Carbon looked over at him. “Explain what’s happening.”
“Short of it is that your Comms team caught something on my person attempting to send data using the public network. I left my Human-made phone in our cabin, and all of my wetware shouldn’t be able to access it anyway. My going theory is one of my implants was modified to secretly record and then send that data out, but only on public networks where something like that would go unnoticed, to maintain deniability. I'll bet you anything that the Human computer in Lyshen's office has a mesh node, and that's where it gained access.” All of that came spilling out a little faster than he liked, but it was good to get it out. The idea that the ONI would use him as a tool to spy on them, well, in retrospect it really did fit. The assertion he wouldn’t actually be spying. No tradecraft. So much easier to load him up with technology and let him bumble his way through whatever might happen, soaking up who knows what in the process. And when he inevitably came back to a Confed station, or went back to Earth, it would dump it right into their lap. “I’m really hoping you’ve started developing a way to drive a keyed PIN, because that’s the only way we’re going to be able to check it.”
Eleya spoke, gesturing up a flight of stairs.
“She says we will speak with the head researcher.” Carbon was still terse, but it wasn’t directed at Eleya for once. They both had their attention drawn to a problem that needed fixing.
“Alright.” Alex breathed in deep and heaved a heavy sigh. The bitter scent in the air was a little more clear now. Something he definitely recognized, a familiar taste on his tongue. “Ok, just a little aside here... Who's making coffee?”
 
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*****
This guy and his priorities, I swear.
Art pile: Carbon reference sheet. Art by Tyo_Dem

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Chapter 50
Master General Kirain Yith
Adventurer Level: N/A
Half-Breed Drow - Balushenian
​
'You will awaken and continue traveling west,' The hoarse voice pierced my mind. 'By midday you will reach a well-traveled road. Go left and follow the road. You will meet a traveler who is not what he appears to be. Be wary of this traveler, but consume his blood. Take his clothing and dispose of his body and your armor out of view of the road. Continue on the road in the same direction until you see a smaller path, then follow that path.'
Expecting riddles and side-speak, I found myself somewhat stunned by how clear the directions were. Despite my shock, I endeavored to memorize them. Nothing will stop me from finding the power that this being is promising and annihilating whatever challenge awaits me.
'And what do I do when I reach the end of the path?' I asked.
'The path leads to a dungeon. Enter the dungeon and do what you feel is appropriate.'
The return to riddles and side-speak stunned me even more than its absence. It took more than a few moments for the confusion to leave my expression.
'You can't tell me more than that?'
'All I can say is that you're a vampire. Do what vampires do.'
'That's all? Why?'
'A being far grander than myself is preventing me from speaking directly of the events that may unfold within the dungeon,' It laughed. 'The very same being that will ensure fairness in the challenge to come. Go now, and find your purpose.'
I awoke before I could ask any further questions, not that I would have gleaned any answers. Do what vampires do? Likely a riddle that will become easier to solve within the dungeon itself. I arose from my temporary shelter and scanned my immediate environs. Birds were singing in the trees, which indicated that there weren't predators or monsters nearby, and there were no other signs of incursion. It seems I have truly lost my pursuers.
My muscles and bones ached from sleeping on the ground, and a quick stretch resulted in several satisfying pops and cracks. The stretch was able to provide enough relief to continue my journey. The desire to feed hit me as I verified the sun's position in the sky. I had used a lot of strength yesterday, and I would need to feed on blood again to restore it. Luckily, the entity had told me where to find my next meal.
I did my best not to think too hard about what caused me to undertake this quest, but failed miserably. My entire family is soon to be dead, my home razed to the ground, my dreams of world domination are all but dashed, and I am touched by a supposed god. These thoughts had just wandered to whether or not continuing my existence was even worth it when I finally came across the road.
It wasn't much of a road. The primary components of its construction were dirt and dust, unlike the roads that lined the countryside of the Night Kingdom. I dutifully turned toward my left and followed the glorified path. It wasn't long before my feet became tender and sore, and I found myself missing the carefully constructed stone roads of my homeland.
I followed the road for a few hours before I finally came across my objective. A dwarf wearing a high collared coat and large pack stopped and eyed me warily. I stopped as well, and regarded him head to toe. His coat and clothing appeared new and expensive, yet his pack and boots appeared well-worn. The dwarf was obviously trying to look like a merchant, but there were certain inconsistencies with his disguise.
"Who the fuck're you?" he asked.
"I could ask you the same," I replied. "You have the look of a merchant, but I've never met a merchant who travels alone."
"Well that's just cuz you've never met me," he grinned, showing a few missing teeth. "The name's Tarx. You?"
"Kirain."
"Well, Kirain, methinks it's a damn lucky day for you. I see you've got a hole in that armor of yours, and I just so happen to have somethin' that'll likely fit you just fine."
"Oh?" I asked, moving closer to him. "That would be quite the boon, if the price is right."
"I've got the cheapest fuckin' stuff you'll find in the middle of the road," he laughed as he pulled his pack from his back. "I'm more than willin' to cut you a deal."
He stuck his hand into his pack as I moved closer to him. As he began to remove his hand, I saw a glimmer and instinctively grabbed his wrist. My strength was beginning to wane, but it was more than enough to snap his wrist and sending the dagger flying. I wasted no time pulling him into his final embrace.
"The fuck?" he gasped as I bit into his throat.
He tried to resist, but I'd already taken a gulp and restored my strength. The warmth of the blood flowed through me, and I took more than my fill. After a few moments, the dwarf fell limp in my arms, completely drained of his vital essence.
I let him fall to the ground and studied him. I'd managed to avoid spilling blood on his clothing, but was faced with another problem entirely. Dwarfs are significantly shorter than drow, and his attire would not fit me.
My eyes darted toward his pack. On a hunch, I grabbed it and emptied it out. Several items fell to the ground, including another knife, some wrapped rations, about fifty feet of hempen rope, a water skin, several pieces of jewelry, a bulging coin pouch, and some rather well-made clothing. It would appear that Tarx was a quite a bit more entrepreneurial than a travelling merchant should be.
"Take his clothes, eh?" I chuckled, picking up the clothing.
I removed my garments and replaced them, finding them to be a perfect fit. I spent a little time packing the items back into the bag, with the exception of the large knife, and then disposed of Tarx and my former clothing out of sight of the road. Passing carnivores would find him and make sure he didn't go to waste.
Slinging the pack onto my back and securing the large knife to my waist, I continued my journey. Not a bad change of fortune. I was now far less conspicuous, and even armed. If I changed my mind about my destination, I would be able to survive for quite some time on the wealth that the dwarf had likely killed for.
I was still debating this choice when I came across the path. It was overgrown and rather uninviting, and if I hadn't known to look for it I would have missed it entirely. I stood at this fork in my journey and thought for a moment. Should I continue to whatever city this road leads to and seek my fortune with my own two hands, or should I accept the would-be god's challenge and seek power?
Voices in the distance brought me back to reality. Drow rarely leave the Night Kingdom, and I would have to justify my existence everywhere I went. I would also have to be wary of retribution from the scorned deity. I made my choice then and there, and began to make my way down the untended path.
The overgrowth made travel difficult, but before long I found my destination. A small building served as the dungeon's entrance. It appeared to be a type of mausoleum, with two smooth pillars lining either side of its arched entrance. The roof of the structure rested upon these four columns and depicted a skull being worshiped by reptilian beings.
I felt an immense dread enter my body as I took a step forward. Many people equate vampires with the dead, so I should feel at home in a crypt. However, my instincts screamed at me that something terrible lay within here. Taking a deep breath and snarling to myself, I drew my knife and entered the dungeon. One of the advantages to vampirism is the ability to see in almost complete darkness, but my eyes still took a moment to adjust. Once my blindness receded, I continued forward and I took in my surroundings.
The floors were tiled and the walls were unnaturally smooth. Neither showed any signs of tool marks, seams, or any other variety of imperfection. This indicated that they had been created magically. I recalled from my studies that the term dungeon isn't the most accurate description of these places. While they often serve to contain monsters and other threats to civilization, they've also been known to serve as lairs for powerful beings that would seek harm on others. The origins of most dungeons are a complete mystery, and how they came to contain monsters and traps is anyone's guess.
My footsteps reverberated through the hall as I continued on. It was a soft, steady melody that was almost soothing, until a sudden click interrupted my pace. The tile beneath my foot had depressed, and I barely reacted in time to catch the spiked grate that sought to impale and crush me. Even my vampiric strength struggled with the weight of the trap. I adjusted my footing and pushed with all of my might.
Just as I thought I was done for, the trap eased up and withdrew into the ceiling. I quickly moved forward before it could trigger again, being careful to avoid the tile I'd carelessly tread upon earlier. Before I could catch my breath, a screech announced the presence of several small reptiles.
The lizards were roughly the size of my boot. I readied my knife as they swarmed me, trying to pick off pieces of my flesh with their teeth and claws. I was much faster than they were, though, and began to exterminate the pests with my knife and free hand. They were easy to crush, and not very resistant to stabbing either. It didn't take long to finish them, and I watched as the few wounds I had received healed.
The bites were extraordinarily painful, and bled longer than they should have. Once they finally faded, I continued on. I was much more wary this time, trying to avoid any further traps by tapping my forward foot on the upcoming tiles. It slowed my pace, but quickly paid off as I encountered more traps.
After each trap, another group of lizards attacked and was defeated. Eventually, I put away my blade and began to use the little bastards as stress toys. This pattern repeated several more times before there was an abrupt change.
"FOR THE LORD!" a dwarf-sized lizard shouted, waving its spear in the air.
"FOR THE LORD!" its five comrades echoed.
I drew my knife again and charged at them. They hadn't expected this, and I managed to slit one's throat before they could recover. I grabbed its spear and flung it deep into the chest of another, then dodged back as the last four formed a formation of sorts. I grinned at them, baring my fangs.
"A sucker!" one of the reptiles gasped.
"Shit, what do we do?"
"We poke him 'till he stops movin', same as everythin' else!"
"FOR THE LORD!"
They charged forward, and I slid under their spear-tips. I used my claws to tear at the face of one and stabbed my blade into the heart of another. I dragged my knife out of its chest and through the throat of the one I had mauled. Disallowing any recovery time, I leapt over its falling corpse and bit into the shoulder another lizard before it could change the position of its spear, and threw my knife at the final one.
I grabbed the reptile's throat and lifted it into the air as its comrade hit the floor with my blade protruding from the space between its eyes. I spit its blood onto the floor and ripped the spear from its hands. The reptile looked down at me with absolute terror in its beady little eyes.
"Who is your lord?" I demanded.
"I ain't tellin' you nuttin'!" it shrieked.
"Then I shall find out myself," I said, crushing its windpipe and vertebrae.
As I dropped its body to the ground, it occurred to me that I might have used hypnosis on it. I sighed, disappointed at the missed opportunity to glean some intel. After retrieving my blade, I continued my journey into the depths of the dungeon. It wasn't long before I got another chance.
I tore into the creatures and tried to use hypnosis on the survivor, but I couldn't make a connection to its mind. At first I thought my hypnosis was being blocked, but then I came to the realization that the mind was too simple to be forced in such a way. It was like trying to hypnotize a pupper. I tore its head off in frustration.
Several more conflicts later, the hallway opened into a large room. Torches flickered to life as I entered, throwing shadows upon the smooth, gray walls. In the center of the room was a skeletal corpse sitting upon a golden throne. It looked lifeless, but I could feel massive amounts of magic emanating from it. Its eyes began to glow and it rose from its throne, levitating a few inches from the ground.
"Who dares to enter my domain?" it asked.
"Kirain Yith," I replied. "And who might you be, Lich?"
"What would my name matter to an insect that's about to be exterminated?"
"Why would you want to know the name of an insect that you're about to exterminate?"
I barely managed to dodge the ice spear it sent at me, and quickly tried to close the distance. Before I could, fire erupted from the floor and sent me reeling. The burns on my face began to heal, and I snarled at the creature before me.
"Ah, a vampire," it said. "I have no blood for you to suck, filth."
Once my nose healed, it caught a familiar scent in the air. I grinned at the lich, and threw my blade at its face. A magical barrier caught the blade and sent it back from whence it came, but I had already closed the distance with the lich. It drew back from me, but I grabbed its neck and squeezed, crushing the vertebrae in my grasp. Its body crumpled to the ground as I caught its skull with my other hand.
"You have bested me, it seems," it said. "Go on, finish me. I'll return again and again."
"You lied to me," I grinned.
"Pardon?"
I followed the scent and approached the throne. Hidden in the throne's finery was a rounded, crimson jewel. The invigorating scent was coming from this jewel. I struggled for a moment to remove the jewel from the throne, and once I was successful I found that I was holding a disguised vial of blood. I held it up for the skull to see.
"A phylactery. You DO have blood," I laughed.
"Perhaps we can make a deal," the skull said. "I can give you gold, gems, even teach you ancient and terrible magics. What do you require in exchange for the safety of my phylactery?"
"Why would I destroy it?"
"What? What else would you do with it?"
"You were once a mer, and I am a vampire," I grinned widely, baring my fangs. "I'm going to do what vampires do."
​
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When I was 9 years old, I came down with a bad cold during a ski trip, and after recovering, I was left with chronic sinusitis. For the second half of elementary school I was clearing my throat and blowing my nose excessively every day. I also used to get severe spikes in post-nasal drip that may or may not have been caused by infections.
Then when I was 14 I got an adenoidectomy, a turbinate reduction, and clarifix, which basically eliminated my post-nasal drip, congestion, and excess mucus that caused me to blow my nose 20+ a day. Then after a year, the clarifix stopped working (it only works for around a year), and my congestion and excess mucus would slowly creep up again, although no where near as bad pre-surgery. Post-nasal drip has been mild to none ever since.
The surgeon also told me that I had acid-reflux that trigged my sinuses and recommended a diet change as well as these acid-reflux pills to take before every meal. My then 15 year old self didn't have the discipline to follow his suggestions and my sinus problems were only 50% eliminated because of it.
I'm currently 18, and following a recent cold that really spiked my congestion, I've been motivated into taking action again to resolve my sinus issues. After having changed my diet (cutting out everything sweet, spicy, sticky, oily, sour, and acidic, and I mean EVERYTHING), as well as eating no later than 4 hours before bed, and at least 8 hours of sleep, I would say that all of my mucus-related problems are now about 75% less than before my surgery, but the congestion is still there. Everything counts. And nothing alleviates/aggravates your symptoms more than your diet. My diet entirely revolves around soups, rice, veggies, and clean meats.
I've also met with an ENT during my recent sinusitis spike following the cold, and after taking a look in my sinuses, she found that everything was structurally fine with no abnormalities, except that my sinus passages were smaller than average. A balloon sinuplasty to enlarge them is on my mind.
I've also began meeting with a Chinese acupuncturist. I used to meet with her several years back, before my surgery, and although she could somewhat alleviate my symptoms, it was never significant. She had also never met with a patient with chronic sinusitis. She told my mother after my latest appointment (5/14/2024) that after dealing with my symptoms, she began looking into more acupuncture points for the sinuses. After her research, she says she began to use this point on a lot of other patients (I had stopped meeting with her at this point), which she says has revealed a ton of positive results. She does this one spot, on the upper left and right sides of my nose, and she inserts the needle from above and into the area of congestion. Apparently it also activates the tear gland connected to the sinuses or something like that. Hurt like hell the first time, but in acupuncture, if a pressure point hurts a lot, that means the part of the body it's connected to is not functioning properly. That's why they insert needles into the pressure points that hurt you, specifically, the most. In the past 5 days, my mucus-related problems have been 95% - 100% resolved. Congestion is still there, but I am hopeful that further treatments will help, as I've only had 2 appointments since the 5 or so year-ish break. If not, I'll see an ENT for a balloon sinuplasty. The acupuncture has also significantly helped with my sleep quality and energy levels, which I believe have been severely negatively affected because of my chronic sinusitis.
Basically, the acupuncture only REALLY works after you've resolved the structural sinus issues. Also acupuncture may take 2+ sessions for results to kick in. Results will become permanent over time as your body adjusts to the temporary post-treatment improvements.
oh and lower your body-fat levels because that will reduce your overall inflammation, which is what sinusitis is: the inflammation of sinus tissues. Exercise regularly and incorperate cardio. A little cardio goes a long way, and better cardiovascular health means increased blood flow and reduced sinus irritation. If you can jog outside in an open, naturely place, do that. It'll ease your mind, further improve your health, and breathing fresh air is always refreshing.
My treatment to runny nose: NeilMed Sinus Rinse. My treatment to congestion: push-ups and cardio. Take afrin if the congestion is unbreathable. Drink warm liquids for post-nasal drip. Take tylenol/ibuprofen for sinus headaches. Relief is part of recovery. Less stress and more oxygen means less inflammation.
TLDR : Fix your diet & sleep, meet with an ENT to fix structural issues, and meet with an experienced acupuncturist (preferably highly-rated and Chinese) if you think your issues are immune-system related.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask in comments or dms.

Let's just get to the gist to it. There's this boy, who we're going to call glasses. We both have fourth period math together with each other and sit right beside each other. We sit in groups of four in the class, and our table is centered towards the back of the room. Every day I had to help him with his work because he has trouble with understanding the lesson we're in. It's not like I'm a super smart student, but at least I understood the material. It wasn't a big deal for me. His grades overall for math and science are terrible. It's not a secret, the teacher has even made jokes before in the class about his grade. Everyone else at our table was pretty much the same way, so I felt bad that he had to sit with all of us.
I'm not sure how we got on the topic, but at one point, I was basically doing his work for him because he said he didn't understand anything, and in all honesty, I don't think he even was trying to do it. He had to have had some knowledge about what he was doing though, because when he finally did his own work, he would get every answer wrong. That didn't stop him from making dumbass remarks, using his phone to look up the answers to the questions, and watching tiktoks on his phone. The only reason I would have been helping him out, is because it makes the class more enjoyable. If you're just sitting there by yourself, the class can be really boring. He has this habit where he would just say the most randomness statements. For example, once we were in the middle of doing an assigned online lesson, he just randomly turns to me, and tells me I'm gay. He has no filter on his mouth. I don't pay him any attention, as I have never felt attraction to a guy.
Not saying he's ugly or anything, he's pretty average looking. I've seen worse looking people. He's got this nice taper haircut, and looks good when he keeps it freshly trimmed, he wears those clear glasses, and has a pretty nice big nose. Not in a bad way, but a good size, and shape. I don't think I've ever seen him without a black or grey hoodie. I'm pretty sure he has an addiction. He has a pretty average body too, a little skinny, but it suits him. It's not like it's bad or anything. I don't judge anyone on their looks. We're both about the same height, with him being about an inch taller, maybe? His personality is probably his most unique..? Interesting? attribute. He's not one to hold back from sharing his thoughts. Sometimes I have to put up with him making fun of me and my personality. Sometimes in a playful way, but I have a few traits that can be picked on. One thing that is probably his biggest flaw is his over confidence, and the fact that he thinks he's the best at everything.
He's constantly bragging about things. He's the kind of person that makes you want to punch him. Not the worst thing in the world, but not the best. When we first started having conversations, it was pretty casual and chill, but then it escalated into him getting to the point of being aggravating. He would say the stupidest stuff. He would make fun of the way I looked, my clothes, how tall I am, and just the way I spoke. I'm not a super social person, so it's not that hard to make me uncomfortable. But still, when he wasn't annoying me to the point of begging the teacher to move my seat, I could have some decent conversations with him. He wasn't all that bad. He just didn't have the filter between his brain and his mouth. That's something I respect about him. It's a good trait to have. He's the type of person that will always be honest, and won't sugar coat his words. Even if it might be considered offensive. We'd have a lot of occurrences when he would say something funny. I can't even count how many times he made me smile, and even laugh. I was never embarrassed or ashamed about laughing. Not once.
I can tell he likes the way I laugh. Whenever he gets me to laugh, he'll be staring at me with this big grin on his face. He doesn't hide the fact that he wants to stare at me. When he says something funny, and he gets my attention, he'll give me a smile. It's not a forced one, it's natural, and I can tell that he genuinely means it. Sometimes I'd feel him looking at me and I'd catch him staring. It was usually a quick glance, and he'd turn his head away. But I could see him looking. At first I was confused, but I eventually got used to it. I'm not going to lie, it does make me nervous. I don't like being stared at. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. But I never told him that. He was probably just trying to get my attention.
He's got a very strong sense of humor, and a lot of the things he would say, even the most serious and inappropriate things, are actually really funny. The way he speaks, and how he carries himself, I can tell he has a lot of self confidence, and a big ego. He's not afraid to show it either. It's almost like a form of self expression. It's hard to explain. The way he expresses his personality, it's something you have to see. The funny thing is, he's not even a good student. I have no idea why he was placed in a class that was obviously above his grade level. The only reason he's probably passing is because the teacher lets him goof off. The way he talks and acts, I'm pretty sure the teacher knows that he's a big distraction to the class, and doesn't want to have to deal with him. So she gives him the benefit of the doubt. I have no idea why he even cares so much about his grades. He always talks about how he doesn't care, and that his grades don't matter. The thing is, his behavior shows the opposite. Every day he'll come into class, and sit there waiting for the teacher to finish instruction, and when we began to work, he asks me if I can help him. Sometimes he'll just copy my answers. I've never said no, and have always helped him out. I've tried giving him hints and suggestions about the material, but he just doesn't listen.
It's not like it matters to me anyway. If I'm not helping him, he'll ask another student. He's a real pain in the ass, but I don't blame him. If I were in his situation, I'd be the same way. He's not the best student, and probably one of the dumbest kids in the school. The funny thing is, is that he acts like he's so much smarter than me. Like he's better than everyone else. But he's not. He's just a stupid, annoying kid who's not very smart. But he tries. And that's what's important. So once again, we're sitting at our table, doing an assigned lesson, and everyone else is talking to the table mates or doing their own thing. I'm pretty sure the teacher was helping out other students who was stuck on a question. We were sitting right next to each other. I was doing my work, while he was on his phone and had barely even began the assignment. That's when I felt a hand rubbing up and down my thigh. I was wearing some heavy baggy jeans, and could feel his hand moving up and down. I looked and stared at him while removing his hand. He looked at me with this knowing grin, and turned his attention back to his phone. I couldn't even concentrate at that exact moment. He was just acting like nothing had happened. I could feel my heart beating fast and my face was hot. I don't know why, but it was.
A few more minutes went by and the hand returned to my thigh. I tried shaking it off, but he wasn't having it. He wasn't letting go. So I gave up and left his hand there. I couldn't even finish the problem I was on, I just sat there letting his hand rub up and down my thigh. I looked over at him, and he was just staring at me with a grin on his face. His hand was just gently rubbing, up and down, up and down. Then he stopped, and he slowly removed his hand. He turned back to his phone. I don't know what I was thinking, but I reached my hand over to his thigh. I didn't look at him, and just placed my hand on his thigh. It was a pretty firm squeeze, and he flinched slightly. It was almost as if his entire body stiffened. I practically froze up since I forgot to do the whole rubbing motion. It was probably the most awkward moment of my life. It wasn't the way I wanted to react, but my body did what it had to do. I started slowly, but firmly massaging his thigh, and could feel him starting to relax. His eyes were glued to his phone, and he wasn't paying attention to the hand that was rubbing up and down.
Eventually, I removed my hand as the end of class was nearing. He and a few other students started standing up and gathering their things. I remained in my seat, as I felt a slight stiffness in my pants. My heart was racing, and I could feel my hands starting to get sweaty. I wasn't expecting anything like this to happen. It was awkward, but I had this.. lustful feeling in my stomach. As I sat there, he went on the other side of me and slyly pressed his crotch up against my shoulder. I could feel heat radiating from his body. It was obvious why it was so warm, and I knew what was happening. It was a weird sensation. It's hard to describe. I could feel the heat from his pants on my shoulder. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it was enough to get me really flustered. I was starting to feel a little anxious. After that, the bell rang and everyone quickly gathered their belongings and left the room.
It was a weird feeling, and I couldn't even focus in class. I could barely think straight. I couldn't even finish the lesson we were assigned. I didn't know what to do. I was just caressing another guys leg. What was even worse was that the guy I was caressing, was the same guy who was always making fun of me. I was starting to panic. Was it wrong to have done that? Am I going to get in trouble? What if he tells someone? The only reason why I did it was because I was curious. What if someone saw us.
I'm really confused and I don't what to do. We've only have a week left of school, and then we'd have summer break. I want to ask him for his number. And I don't know why I want it. To talk? Hang out? Something else? What do people usually do to have fun with people like him? Should I ask him for his numbers?

Previous chapter
“I hate it.”
Mareus slapped his mouth and bit down on his lips in a futile attempt to capture his half-asleep words. His body tensed while listening for any signs of the stranger, bracing himself for some monster of a person to come rushing from the dark to finish him off.
Though, it didn’t matter in the end if they were paying attention to him or not. They clearly already knew where he was and, for some reason, chose to leave him alone after pulling him from the rubble and treating his injuries.
He clutched at his stomach, his hunger pangs goading him to push aside the anxiety and crawl his way towards the bowl still waiting patiently for him. There were no signs of it being changed or infested by any of the creatures hiding away, in fact, a gentle warmth still radiated from it. A pleasant aroma floated through the still air as if it had a will of its own, enticing him like some carnivorous flower lying in wait.
Mareus ignored his pain and fatigue as he absentmindedly made his way closer to the beckoning meal. What was he so worried about? If the stranger hadn’t done anything yet, then they probably weren’t going to from the start. It wasn’t like he was in any state to resist them anyway.
That’s right. He justified. It’s just sitting there, waiting for me.
The bowl was only a breath away now. Mareus stretched against his bandages enough for the wrappings around his fingers to brush the rim before the markings let out a faint light and constricted his body. He was almost there and wouldn’t give up, one more time he resisted their binding and was able to hook his finger on the inside of the rim.
Putting all the strength he had into the one finger he fought against the rough, uneven ground to reel in his catch. A faint glow lit up the black stone and his heart stopped before his restraints forced his arm back. Spilling his only food in a mocking halo as the bowl rolled on its side.
That was it, his only food mixed in with the wet dirt of the cave floor. He almost dove at it before realizing the intense hunger and drive he had was now fading away. His hunger was still there to some degree, but now it was more like an emptiness scratching at the back of his stomach. The overwhelming desire to eat was almost entirely gone.
A faint breeze brought his attention back to the bowl and he watched as markings like the ones on his bandages let out one last dim breath of light. When they went dark his hunger returned to the back of his mind.
After crawling back into his hole, the cave was filled with the sounds of hundreds of insects rushing over and feasting on the spilled meal. The echoes of chitin tapping on stone and trudging through the mush assaulting his ears. Covering his ears only replaced their frenzy with the sound of his blood flowing through his ears.
Mareus alternated between listening to the rhythmic thumps lulling him to sleep and the chittering that convinced him, more than once, that the insects had crawled in his ears. The minutes drawing into hours, maybe even days, as reason began slipping away.
A gentle clack of wood being placed on stone silenced the world.
He carefully rolled over and saw another bowl, the insects were gone, the mess was cleaned. It was like everything that happened was a dream, only this time he didn’t have this unnatural drive compelling him to reach the bowl.
Whatever the markings were meant to do, this one didn’t seem to have them. He watched as the cave life made their way back to his food. They didn’t attack it right away this time, instead they circled their prey waiting for the right time. Mareus closed his eyes and focused on listening for their movements when he heard a damp thud that must have been one of them falling in the food.
That sound must have been the signal the rest were waiting for because they converged on the meal and devoured with a gluttony he didn’t know they were capable of. Despite the gut churning sounds, he focused on every bit as he counted his heart beat.
Two thousand four hundred and twenty…seven.
The cave had finally settled down again as the insects returned to their hiding places. Mareus kept counting though, he had to stay focused so he could figure out how to tell when the stranger was coming. He had no idea how often they came by but he needed to learn anything he could if he wanted to make it back home.
Twenty-eight thousand seven hundred and ninety-five.
Muffled steps approached the bowl and wordlessly replaced it with another, the gentle clank dancing around the cave walls. Words wanted to leave his mouth, to ask the stranger questions, to make demands. But, what would he say, what could he say?
Mareus’ chest tightened as he tried to find the words, his mind struggling with the growing distraction of the empty feeling in his stomach. They were gone as silently as they arrived.
He started counting again. Using the hunger pangs to fight his body’s cries for sleep he waited out another four or five changes of the bowl. He couldn’t remember exactly anymore as his guard lightened and the exhaustion wrapped around him like a warm blanket. Against his best effort sleep finally took him.
The elders were watching over the younger generations going about their routines. The whole village was in the middle of doing their morning exercises with the sunrise, the bigger clans and families had their yards filled with people flowing from stance to stance, while the smaller families gathered in front of the Elder’s Hall or practiced in their gardens.
Before he knew it, Mareus was running errands and was racing pass villagers tending to fields of medicinal herbs and vegetables while guards kept their eyes on the edge of the forest for any signs of wild beasts.
Then one day a doctor from some big sect visited them and told him that he had the cure to his diverted meridians. The village elders held a big celebration in front of their hall and they had a special ceremony where Granny Hua accepted him as a disciple. When he looked out to the crowd, the sun shone on hundreds of smiling faces.
Tears ran down his face as he smiled and waved at everyone. The salty taste made the world shimmer like a painting being washed away.
Please don’t go. He thought.
The infection of reality found its way into his heart and the dream continued to shimmer before warping and twisting the scene from before.
Mountains of rubble replaced the beautiful homes that stood for generations. One after another the people fell while letting out muted screams. Smoke began to fill the air like some ghostly fog and ash painted the now faceless bodies strewn everywhere. Bodiless cries fought with one another to be helped.
Mareus fell to his knees at the center of the destruction while pleading. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t take them from me again.”
The one eyed man towered over him, tall enough for his hair to brush the clouds. The evil in his clenched grin poured out like a thick miasma that choked him as he watched Sister Mai rushing over.
He tried to scream at her to stay away but his voice was now completely cut off. Mareus now stood over himself watching the helpless child he truly was, he followed his own pleading gaze and turned to watch a young woman he recognized but couldn’t place at the moment.
She picked up a piece of a wooden beam and charged at him, her tears turning to blood as she let out a voiceless scream.
Mareus quickly searched the sky for his enemy, Where are they? Why is it so quiet?
When he looked back down his arm was through the back of the woman and he finally recognized the angry face staring daggers at him as the light left her eyes.
He watched as the giant man turned back to him and let Mai’s lifeless body fall to the ground. The crimson drenching the monster’s hand leaking and painting his own with the blood of the woman he called his big sister.
The one eyed man shot into the air and the force of the impact shook him awake.
It was easier to fight his exhaustion this time as he waited for the stranger to replace the bowl. When they replaced it this time, they lingered as if they wanted to say something. This time the anger and pain he felt didn’t let him hesitate.
“Wh-“ His dry unused voice turned into a breath. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Why…”
The effort of forcing that whisper was already difficult, he wanted to say so much more. He couldn’t tell if they were still waiting in the dark, or if they were even willing to listen. His voice was clawing to get out, he was tired of waiting.
His skin buzzed as he waited and moistened his throat. The question was out there now, at least the most important part. ‘Why?’ There was so much more racing through his mind that he could add while the presence remained silent.
Why me? What made you save me? Why didn’t you leave me with them? Why do I have to be alone?
An unseen pressure grew in the dark as his question went unanswered. It was like the chill he would get coming back late at night and he felt like something was watching him from the forest, waiting to pounce. It kept growing sharper until a sudden cool warmth touched the nape of his neck and gingerly ran down the length of his back.
A cold, yet familiar feeling voice finally broke the silence. “It would be a waste. Letting such a potential vanish from this world.”
The stranger brushed the matted hair from his neck. Their simple and straightforward gesture giving off the feeling of a beast playing with its catch knowing it could kill it at anytime.
“I feel for your loss, truly. My heart aches for the ill fate that placed those ‘experts’ in your home. I couldn’t allow your path to end because of a game between mere children.” Their voice danced between compassionate and venomous.
The gentle pressure of them rubbing his back relaxed him and Mareus became even more aware of how tired and sore his body was. Although, as they continued it felt like everything faded away. Not so much as if he was being relieved of everything, it was more like everything was being taken away and swallowed by a void that wouldn’t make him take it back.
Mareus sat up slowly and with a hoarse voice he asked. “What makes me so special?” He inhaled, “Why didn’t you stop them?!” His scream tore into his lungs and filled his throat with the taste of iron.
Water filled his eyes as he faced the disembodied presence.
The stranger gently embraced him, their cool robes enveloping him. “Poor child.”
“You could have saved all of th-em.” His trembling voice couldn’t hide the pain any longer. Still, Mareus stared through blurry eyes and did his best to look them in the face.
A thin hand brushed away his tears. “My sweet boy, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there sooner. Their battle had already moved south, and what they left behind…” They trailed off.
While wrapped in their arms he listened to the grief in their voice. Unsure of what to think anymore. Why did they wait so long? Why did they leave me here in the dark? Were they hurt too? Mareus found himself wondering if he was being selfish.
“Before I could chase after them, I sensed the faint trace of your life clinging on to any shred of hope. After digging you out and applying some emergency medicine I lost track of their energies. Instead of searching for them I made the decision to at least make sure you survived.”
Mareus realized that there was something ethereal in the way they talked. Their tone wasn’t distant, but at the same time it felt like they were a world away from him. The image of a mother apologizing for something she wasn’t responsible for popped in his mind.
His body began to feel lighter than it had been since he woke up in the cave. “Thank you.” He relented.
He gingerly wiped away his tears as if testing if his body would suddenly start listening to him. When he opened them again, the dark world that surrounded him expanded and he could now see all the way to the other wall of the cave.
Am I really not in the afterlife? He thought.
The formless shadow of his savior was replaced with a celestial fairy that stepped out from one of Elder Guo’s stories and descended into this pit to comfort him. She wore a snow white hanfu with a wide sash that hugged tightly against her. The sleeves and hem were far longer than normal like if the seamstress forgot to remove the excess material.
Her otherworldly appearance stood out against the darkness with her iridescent skin illuminating the cave. Her shadow like hair, even darker than the surroundings blackness. She looked like a master craftsman had picked the most exquisite material to craft a lifelike doll that would shatter if you looked at it the wrong way. Only to the fill that doll with the essence of deepest parts of the night sky.
Mareus completely forgot his fatigue as he collapsed into a bow and laid his head to the floor. In an attempt to imitate the older members of his village when speaking to the elders, he said. “I apologize for being so disrespectful. I humbly want to thank the generous immortal for saving this life.”
His body trembled from the effort of supporting his weight, but he continued to wait as sweat formed on the back of his neck and ran down his face. Unsure of what this heaven-like being would do to him if he had disrespected her further.
Next chapter

Long time reader, first time poster. I know there's no such thing as 100% mitigation, I always knew I'd probably get sick despite my best efforts. But nothing prepared me for the feelings of anger and frustration and failure that I feel in addition to my 101°F fever, sore throat, muscle aches, and chills.
I avoid going in any public places and mask in an N95 whenever I need to. I get groceries delivered. I skip family holidays. I have HEPA filters in every room 24/7. I only see friends for outdoors walks, and I typically mask for those too. I use nasal sprays and antiviral mouthwash multiple times per day. I haven't traveled or gone to a restaurant or show or leisurely shopped in person in over 4 years now. I missed out on quality time with family members who have died of cancer and old age.
In short, I do everything I'm supposed to do. In fact, with my contamination OCD I probably go overboard sometimes. But I woke up this morning with a sore throat out of nowhere and it has devolved incredibly quickly since then. COVID tests have been negative so maybe it's a flu (in May?) but regardless, I just feel like I totally failed. Part of me wants to go waltz around a restaurant or shopping center sans mask in retaliation, part of me wants to go even more hermit mode.
I feel like I'm going to die. And I feel so stupid for holding out hope that I could stay safe and this would all pass by eventually. If I survive this, I don't know how I'm going to carry on.
Thanks for listening. No one in my life understands me at this point and this sub has been a lifeline.
UPDATE: Officially tested positive for COVID this morning.

Hi there, my name is Jeff, (lol meme), I am running a shadow run game I have modified the setting a bit, so now its basically a sci fi futuristic cyberpunk call of cthulu campaign in the shadow run system and world. I am looking for 2 players to add to the group.
For people who care, the setting is basically, standard shadow run world, but 70 years in the future a bit since standard 5th world stuff. Evo has found a relic on mars, and new races are popping up since its discovery. Some companies have obtained samples of this relic (cthulu based) and do to experiments the world is changing, rifts are opening, occasional corrupt energies are plaguing and changing geography and ecology. As shadow runners, you can expect to go 3 different routes for the story: Gangs and CO, (which is more shadow runny, where you fuck over gangs, and corps), Magic (the cthulu feel, learn of a hidden corp called cerberus, which basically does the SCP shit), AI (a bunch of new tech has been popping up, and people are combining the cthulu magic shit with technomancy, creating new artificial intelligence, plz stop this). Each type of mission gives its own rewards. You would start at street scum level with a lot of karma after gen, and i will integrate your backstory with the game system and world pretty heavily. Talk to me about your character concept, because some corps have changed a bit, and new ones exists.
I would prefer a role playing player, and a power gamer for my two submissions but All players welcome, we are super accommodating and chill, but be prepared for some light character hazing, because they have gone through some shit lol. Must be 18+ do entirely to the grimdark theme of the game, sexual content (sorry upfront, there is totally alot of sexual and gorey themes tied to the cult like activities and i dont want you blindsided by that) foul language (its a shadow run game at heart, so...yeah...fk you chummer!) Lastly, i often use celebrities for important or comedic npcs i introduce.
Oh yeah, my players tried to defend Seattle as best they could, but ultimatly it got nuked by Firewatch, so...dont uh...dont have contacts from seattle if you want to use them lmao.
Private Message me! or comment here!
If you have any questions ask em here!

Hi there, my name is Jeff, (lol meme), I am running a shadow run game I have modified the setting a bit, so now its basically a sci fi futuristic cyberpunk call of cthulu campaign in the shadow run system and world. I am looking for 2 players to add to the group.
For people who care, the setting is basically, standard shadow run world, but 70 years in the future a bit since standard 5th world stuff. Evo has found a relic on mars, and new races are popping up since its discovery. Some companies have obtained samples of this relic (cthulu based) and do to experiments the world is changing, rifts are opening, occasional corrupt energies are plaguing and changing geography and ecology. As shadow runners, you can expect to go 3 different routes for the story: Gangs and CO, (which is more shadow runny, where you fuck over gangs, and corps), Magic (the cthulu feel, learn of a hidden corp called cerberus, which basically does the SCP shit), AI (a bunch of new tech has been popping up, and people are combining the cthulu magic shit with technomancy, creating new artificial intelligence, plz stop this). Each type of mission gives its own rewards. You would start at street scum level with a lot of karma after gen, and i will integrate your backstory with the game system and world pretty heavily. Talk to me about your character concept, because some corps have changed a bit, and new ones exists.
I would prefer a role playing player, and a power gamer for my two submissions but All players welcome, we are super accommodating and chill, but be prepared for some light character hazing, because they have gone through some shit lol. Must be 18+ do entirely to the grimdark theme of the game, sexual content (sorry upfront, there is totally alot of sexual and gorey themes tied to the cult like activities and i dont want you blindsided by that) foul language (its a shadow run game at heart, so...yeah...fk you chummer!) Lastly, i often use celebrities for important or comedic npcs i introduce.
Oh yeah, my players tried to defend Seattle as best they could, but ultimately it got nuked by Firewatch, so...dont uh...dont have contacts from seattle if you want to use them lmao.
Private Message me! or comment here!
If you have any questions ask em here!

11/20/2017
Log book of Det. Ryan Snow
Case #2798: The Appalachian Murders
The past couple of days are events I pray no one else ever has to go through what Kate and I had. I had her and Mr. Raines cleared of all charges, having found the proof we all needed to end this case and find the true killer. Kate no longer has to go into witness protection and I had given the police a good enough lie to keep myself from looking insane in the eyes of my co-workers. I know no one will ever know the true story or believe it, but I’m writing it out here. It at least needs to be known written somewhere. Even if my and Kate’s eyes are the only ones that will ever read it written out and forever imprinted in our memories.
The morning Kate had run off to the mountains on her own, I had made my way to the Blackwell home where I was immediately met with Mr. Blackwell charging at me and wrapping his large hands around my neck. He was shaking me and blaming me for getting his daughter killed and not doing more to keep her safe. The police who had been called to examine the scene and read Kate’s letter had to sedate Mr. Blackwell to get him off of me, lying him down on the couch, his head resting on Mrs. Blackwell’s legs. Though the woman was distraught and begging the police to bring her daughter back, she still took the time to shoot that cold, death glare my way. The ice in my chest growing. I couldn’t tell these people that this thing had come after me to get to Kate. I knew it wouldn’t change anything. If anything they’d hate me even more for keeping it to myself.
The sheriff was there and he pulled me away from eye sight of the Blackwells, trying to tell me that this wasn’t my fault. But I couldn’t help but blame myself. I should have done everything I could to keep Kate as far from those mountains as possible.
There were no signs of a struggle in Kate’s room and the letter was definitely written in her hand writing. Her father’s rifle missing from the study, a backpack and some food and supplies gone as well. She had only grabbed one set of clothes from her drawers, showing she did indeed have plans on returning after only one night in the mountains to confront whoever or whatever the killer was.
I told the sheriff to keep any police from going up to the mountains without first allowing me to go up there first to find Kate. He of course argued, telling me that he couldn’t break protocol based on any hunches I may have had. However, I told him that I could get Kate back without her putting up much of a fight, whereas she may struggle with a group of cops who didn’t understand the situation she was in. I was close enough to this case to have built a trust with her after all. I was mentioned in her letter about ending this case for me.
It took a good hour to get the sheriff to eye the Blackwells, Mr. Blackwell beginning to stir from his sleep, and allow me to go to the mountains to find Kate. He didn’t bother to call off the search to the police that had already begun making their way to the mountains, but did radio to tell them to not try getting Kate home without first allowing me to speak to her. He then gave me twenty-four hours to find her to which I told him I’d only need at most ten.
Without telling him about the disturbing scratches on my car, I sped to the mountains, taking the same path Kate had that day she took her friends on their trip. The route, as the sun began to rise was scenic. A drive that may have been a sign of a bright future ahead with a beautiful week in the mountains of nothing but nature, was now a reddening sky of horror. I couldn’t understand how Kate felt, going down the same roads that led to her only friends’ fates to avenge them, but the feeling of guilt did weigh heavy on my chest as I saw the signs of the Appalachian Mountain trails grow bigger on the horizon. Guilt for not doing more to prove Kate was innocent, for allowing Mrs. Mayfield for getting killed right before my very eyes, and for Liam for not being lucky enough to save him.
When I finally arrived to the cabin, there didn’t seem to be any change since the first day I was called to the crime scene, the only thing out of place being Mr. Blackwell’s truck parked precariously near the cabin. The police tape was still up, the cars of Kate and Mr. Woolfe still left where they were, the tires still slashed, the door wide open from when Kate, Ms. Greymoore, and Mr. Woolfe ran out of the cabin upon Mr. Billings was killed by an unknown force. All the bodies had been found and were now being prepared by their families to be buried or cremated. Only one body of the five still roaming around to avenge each and every one of their deaths.
I called out for Kate as I made my way into the cabin. The Ouija board was still on the coffee table, the white line of where Mr. Billings had been found lying face first on the floor with his head bashed open remained on the spot. The planchette was still missing. I kept calling out for Kate as I made my way up to the attic, the door left unlocked, using my flashlight to shine down on the white outline where Mr. Steele had been found completely torn apart. To think Kate had done such a thing, I now realize made me look like a complete dumb ass for believing it.
When I couldn’t find Kate in the cabin, I made my way out the cabin, still calling for her. I called out to her, promising that she just needed to come back home with me and we could solve the murders together. I knew it was a lie and that the sheriff would immediately have her take away to some secluded place where the killer couldn’t find her, but it was all I could think of to try luring her out to meet me. Still, she never appeared.
The sun was soon beginning to set as I tried retracing the very steps Kate and Ms. Greymoore had taken to outrun the killer. I had passed the small shrine of flowers and the pictures of Mr. Woolfe where the boy had been found, his face permanently remaining nineteen forever in the photos of him with Kate and their friends. I kept going, trying my best to follow the same path to the cliff where Ms. Greymoore was found, calling for Kate along the way.
It wasn’t until I found the place Kate had buried her best friend that I found Kate. She was on her knees before the rock where she left her bloody handprint, sniffing as her head was lowered, her dad’s rifle in her hands.
“Ms. Blackwell-“ I began as I took a step toward her. I was immediately cut off as Kate jumped to her feet, raising her father’s rifle at my head. I jolted back, raising my hands up to show her I meant no harm to her. “Ms. Blackwell, it’s me, Det. Snow!”
“Detective…?” She gasped, slightly lowering the rifle, but keeping it on me. “P-Prove it!”
“I’m sorry?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I… I thought I saw Sonja…” Kate breathed between tears, the rifle shaking in her hands, “it… It was wearing her face… It had her voice… How… H-How do I know you’re really Det. Snow?”
“You… Saw Sonja?” I asked as gently as I could with a terrified woman pointing a gun my way. “She spoke to you?”
“Prove you’re Det. Snow!” Kate demanded as she stilled her arms, readying the rifle as she pointed straight between my eyes.
“Alright! Alright!” I kept my hands up, backing up slightly as I tried thinking of how I could prove to her I was really me. “I… I, ah… I have… Had a brother… We went to get ice cream together once and… I dropped a dime and went to grab it… I was five… I followed it out to the road and despite how trafficked it was, I didn’t get hit. I grabbed the dime just as a truck was speeding my way and it swerved just before hitting me… Seeing how close I was to death, I dropped the dime and it rolled into the sewer. My brother called me Lucky Dime since then… Saying the dime was lost to me because it did its job in protecting me… I haven’t seen my brother since I was seven and I haven’t spoken to my parents in…” I looked at my watch. “Five years… No one else calls me Lucky Dime… Not even the people at the station know that was my nickname.”
With this, Kate lowered the rifle, her eyes softening from her furious fear to a more melancholy terror. She looked to Ms. Greymoore’s grave marker, her hand print just barely visible In the approaching darkness.
“It… It looked just… Like her…” She sniffed, “it had her voice… Why did it have her voice… Why did it look like her…?”
“Ms. Blackwell,” I soothed, relaxing now that there was no weapon in my face, “we need to head back, your parents are worried about you and the police are looking for-“
“I can’t go back yet!” She snapped at me as she spun to look at me, tears in her eyes. “That thing is still out there and will kill again unless I end it!” She held up her dad’s rifle as if to show me how she meant to “end it.” “I’m not leaving until I end that… Thing that had the balls to wear Sonja’s face and have her voice!”
“Ms. Blackwell, we will catch the killer, I promise, but right now, we need to get you home before your dad ends up killing a police officer for keeping him from looking for you.”
“I told him in my letter I’d be back tomorrow! I’m twenty-years-old, he can’t force me back home if I don’t want to! I just want to stop this thing before it-“
A howling in the distance cut Kate off. Coyote from what I could hear. If I couldn’t get Kate home, I’d have to get her somewhere safe. I turned to begin talking her down and taking her to one of the other two cabins for shelter. However, when I looked back at her, her face had turned to a bone chilling terror I’d never seen on a person before. She looked like hunted prey that had been found by its predator. She gripped her dad’s rifle to her chest tightly, her hand reaching for the trigger.
“Ms. Blackwell, it’s just a pack of coyote,” I tried telling her calmly, “let’s get to one of the other cabins and-“
“No, no, no,” She stopped me as she stepped back, looking around for where the howling was coming from, “I… Heard that same howling just before I saw Sonja! I thought it was far away, but she… She was right in front of me… She… Something was off, but it looked just like her!”
“Ms. Blackwell, you didn’t see Sonja,” I assured her, “I don’t know what you think you saw, but it wasn’t-“
“Lucky… Dime…”
I froze. My blood turned to ice. The fear on Kate’s face grew as she began backing away, her back hitting the grave marker. I spun around to see a figure in the darkness limp toward us, a scratched and garbled familiar voice coming from it.
“Lucky… Dime…” It wheezed, “You brought her… Back… Give her… To me…”
I whipped out my gun, pointing it at this thing that had his voice. I stepped back to stand directly between this thing and Kate.
“Stay back!” I demanded. “Don’t come any closer!”
“Lucky… Di-“
“Shut up! Stop calling me that! Who are you? Not another step or I’ll shoot!”
The thing stopped limping toward us, its body shuddering in place as it stared us down. I took the safety off of my Glock, ready to blow this thing’s head off if it got any closer or even dared using that voice on me again.
“Kate…” It turned its attention to Kate, a completely different voice coming from it, another male’s voice. “Kate… I’m cold…”
“J-Jasper…” Kate began to sob, “Please, stop using their voices… Please stop!”
“Kate… Kate why did… Did you leave me…?” Another male voice asked. “I… I was in so much… Pain…”
“Shut up!” Kate cried out.
“I thought we… Were friends… Kate…” A female voice. “You said you… Loved me… Why won’t… You let me have… Your warmth…?”
“I said shut up!” Kate screamed as she pointed her rifle and shooting at the creature. She had missed, but the thing still let out an ear piercing shriek as it dodged out of the way of the bullets Kate was shooting. It ran off into the darkness, but Kate kept pulling the trigger of her rifle.
“Stop!” I shouted as I snatched the barrel of her rifle, shoving it to the ground before us. “It’s gone, you scared it off, get to the cabins, I’m right here with you!”
I began shoving Kate back toward where the cabins were, the sounds of that thing screaming out in a symphony of different voices ringing out throughout the woods. I shoved Kate into the first cabin we had arrived to, Cabin #1 I could only assume as I slammed the door shut behind us. It smelled God awful, like the smell of the corpse I found on my first murder case, and it was getting darker as the sun began to sink behind the trees outside.
“Detective, it smell terrible in here!” Kate cried out, covering her mouth and nose, but the tears still falling from her eyes were still visible as they rolled down her cheeks.
I pulled her close and kept her behind me as I took my gun and flashlight out. “Stay close to me,” I ordered, leading the way through the cabin, “do not run off or use that rifle without may say so, understood?”
Kate didn’t answer, but I could feel the heat from her body following after me as I made my toward the smell. It was getting worse as we inched closer to a closet door in a hallway that connected the living room to the kitchen. The door was locked, but after a couple of kicks I was able to get the door to swing open, the smell blasting us in our faces making us gag and nearly throw up on the floor. I fumbled around the sides inside the room to find a light switch that I was able to find to the side of the entryway. A yellow light flickered on, revealing the door led to a staircase. I led the way down the creaking steps, Kate close by as she kept her mouth covered with her shirt.
Once we had made our way to the bottom, Kate dropped her dad’s rifle and let out a scream as we stared at what was waiting for us at the bottom of the steps. In a large pile at the corner of this basement room were nothing but skin and bones of humans and animals covered in maggots and flies. Some of the human bodies being small and child-like in size. The missing people who were never found after vanishing when they came to Cabin #2.
I grabbed Kate’s rifle off the floor and began pushing her back up the stairs, her screaming and sobbing all the way back up to the cabin. I slammed the door shut behind us and pushed Kate to the front door.
“We need to leave,” I had told her, trying to calm her down as we made it outside, “we need to get you home and away from here as soon as possible.”
“N-No… No!” She began fighting me, trying to escape my grasp on her. “No! That… That thing is still out there! You saw it! You can’t say you don’t believe me now! It even called you Lucky Dime! It said you brought me back!”
“I’m not saying I don’t believe you!” I shot back. “I do, I saw exactly what you saw, but it’s way too dangerous for you to be out here while you’re the one it’s after!”
“I escaped it once, I can do it again!” Kate pointed out as she struggled against me while I tried getting her into my car. “I’m not running away this time, I want to kill it!”
“God damn it, Blackwell, we’ll let the police handle it! Just because you have a weapon doesn’t make you safe or ready to handle something like… Like that… That thing!”
“It killed my friends! It wants me! I’m going straight to it so I can blow its head off! It’ll come right for me!”
“I came here to bring you back home, not let you accomplish some stupid ass revenge plot! Get in the fucking car, unless you want to end up like those bodies down that-“
“D… De… Detect… Detective…”
A scratched and moaning voice cut me off. Kate and I both froze at the sound of something approaching. I turned to see a police officer stagger toward us from the tree line. I could barely tell who he was or who he used to be, his head held low and blue uniform covered in blood.
“H… Hel… Hel… Help… Help me…" It croaked as it stumbled closer.
I held up Kate's rifle. "Stay back!" I barked. "Not another step!"
The thing that stood before us wearing the cop like a full-bodied suit stopped in place. It swayed where it stood, blood water falling from its head and down to its chest.
"It… It… It's inside… Inside me…" It breathed painfully. "I… I can't… Help… Me…" Its voice then changed to that familiar voice that made my skin crawl. "Lucky… Dime… I… I'm so… Hungry… Give her… To… Me…"
I pulled the trigger of the rifle, hitting the creature in the head, the rest of it staggering backward from the blow. Still though, it remained on its feet, turning itself to look toward us once again.
"Give… Her… To… Me…" It wheeze, blood and brain pouring from where I had shot it, it beginning to stumble toward us once again. I continued shooting, hitting it in the shoulder, the arm, the leg, the head again, but it just kept coming toward us faster, demanding I give Kate to it.
I was about ready to ram it with the rifle, having run out of bullets, when a voice off in the distance made the creature freeze just an inch before us.
"I'm here! I'm here!" It called out in an almost sing-songy way, using the voice of a little girl. "I'm here! I'm here!"
"I'm… Here…" The creature repeated as it jerked its body to look to where the voice was coming from. "I'm here… I'm here… I'm here! I'm here! I'm here!" It began shrieking in a high pitch wail. It sounded like a mixture of different voices ranging from child, to woman, to man. Keeping flat on its feet, its upper body fell forward onto its hands before speedily crawling off like a spider.
We stood in shaking silence for a moment, Kate digging her fingers into my arm while I was too numb from shock to care about the pain she was unknowingly inflicting. It wasn’t until the radio from my car buzzed to life that jolted us back to whatever reality was at this point. I scrambled to the driver’s side, swinging the door open as I fell inside to grab the intercom to respond to the voice yelling for me over the receiver.
“Det. Snow, what the hell is going on up there?” The sheriff’s scratched voice called out over the receiver when I could barely get my name out of my mouth.
“Sh-Sh-Sheriff…?” Was all I could respond with, still trying to wrap my head around what I had just seen.
“Y-Y-Yeah,” he responded in mock shudder, “what the hell is going on up there? I’ve tried radioing every man I’ve got up there and am constantly being left on red! Do I need to send back-up?”
“No!” Immediately, I returned to full reality, finally understanding the severity of the moment and putting that knowledge into my tone. “Landon, do not send any more men up here, call everyone back immediately! I don’t know what this thing is, but it’s too dangerous! Call everyone back, we’re heading back to the Blackwell house now!”
“We?” The sheriff questioned, skepticism in his voice.
“I found Ms. Blackwell, she’s here with me.”
I was met with statice before the voice of Mr. Blackwell blasted over the intercom.
“Bring my daughter home, right now, you son of a bitch!” Mr. Blackwell demanded. “You bring her home this instant before I decide to kick your teeth in!”
I opened my mouth to respond, but the radio was snatched from my hand from Kate. “I’m not coming home until I kill this thing!” She snapped into the radio. “I don’t know what it is, but I at least know I’m not crazy and that it needs to die before it kills anyone else!”
I grabbed the radio from Kate’s hand, beginning to tell her off when a agonized scream erupted from the intercom. I dropped the radio to cover my ears as Kate did, the scream piercing from my car to throughout the forest around us. The voice screaming and crying for help sounded male and it seemed to echo all around us.
“GIVE HER TO ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” A mix of the screaming voice and Mr. Blackwell’s hissed out after a good five minutes of screaming before the radio short-circuited and puffs of smoke flowed out.
After allowing my ears to adjust to the sudden silence, I grabbed the radio once again and tried calling for the sheriff, for the cops with us in the mountains, for anyone. When I was met with more silence, I slammed the radio back down on the holder and cursed loudly, hitting the wheel as if it were the source of all my problems.
After a moment to take some deep breaths, I told Kate to get in the car as I placed her rifle in the back seat.
“Didn’t you hear me?” she shot back. “I’m not-“
“Damn it, Blackwell, we have no idea what we’re dealing with, it can mimic peoples’ voices, and it just ran off like a fucking black widow!” I snapped, stepping out of the driver’s seat to glare down at her. “The last thing I’m doing to leaving you here alone and I’m not staying here another second until I can wrap my head around what the fuck I just saw! So, you either get yourself killed out here while I try talking you down this hero complex high, or you’re going to do what I say and get in the damn car!”
We stood in heated silence, glaring each other down before Kate huffed and stormed over to the passenger side of my car and slamming the door shut as she climbed in. I jumped in after her and began driving away from this nutty nightmare I had found myself in.
We drove down the trail back to civilization in silence, Kate staring out the window and trying to keep her tearful sniffs quiet. I had finally begun calming down and was starting to feel bad for snapping at her. She had only gone there to avenge her friends by killing that thing that had most likely killed a whole bunch of cops to find her. However, I still couldn’t just let her stay to hunt it and I didn’t want to stay out in those mountains with some kind of creature that could take the form and voice of someone I knew. I still couldn’t understand what is was I had even seen.
“Wendigo,” Kate whispered, breaking the silence in the car first. She had said it as if she had just remembered something important.
“What?”
“A Wendigo,” She repeated, turning to look to me with wide scared eyes, “that’s what that thing is! It’s a Wendigo!”
“Slow down, what’s a Wendigo?”
“It’s… Oh, just forget it! You wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
“Ms. Blackwell, I just saw a cop being used as a puppet and then run off at inhuman speed on all fours; I doubt I’m not going to believe a single word that comes out of your mouth now. What’s a Wendigo?”
Kate eyed me for a moment before releasing some of the tension from her face as she took a deep breath and began explaining to me. “They’re a Native American myth; it’s believed they’re the spirits of people who would lose themselves in the woods and would end up eating other people to satiate their hunger. I think that’s what that thing is. They can mimic the voices of people who died and use it to lure people to them, they can take the form of that person too.”
“Why does it want female hearts?” I asked, not realizing I had yet told her what my mysterious caller kept asking for when they called me.
“It… It wants my heart?” she asked shakily.
I cursed to myself before letting out a frustrated sigh. “I think this thing wants hearts, but it only wants female hearts. Why? I don’t know yet. But the only other person to be found after killing someone in those cabins was found with his partner’s heart missing to which he was blamed for taking out of her. Recently, I’ve been getting calls from some… Thing wanting me to bring you back here so it could take something from you. It would have taken Ms. Greymoore’s, but you hid her well enough that only the police could find her in time. Now, I’ve been getting calls asking for you and to get something from you.”
Kate looked to me in shock before a wave of guilt twisted her face in pain. “I… I’m so, so… So sorry, Detective!” She cried out. “I… I had… I had no idea you were being… Harassed by it! Had I known it wanted me back and was demanding you brought me here, I never… I didn’t… That’s why it said you brought me back! Oh, I’m such an idiot!” She pressed her hands to her face, grabbing at her hair between her fingers and tightening them around her eyes.
“No, no, no, stop, stop that!” I ordered, screeching the car to a halt, having to bring it to a crooked stop so I could stop her from hurting herself. I snatched her arms from her head and pinned them to her lap, tears flooding her face. “It’s my fault for not telling you sooner! I was too focused on trying to solve this case with the most efficient evidence I could, but that just kept me looking to you as a suspect. I should have stopped thinking you were the killer the moment I got that first call. There’s no way any of us could have seen… This coming… Except people who probably already believe in that kind of stuff or don’t stop to assume a more rational explanation like a cult… I’m… I’m sorry. But, I won’t let it take anything from you, not anymore. I’m going to get you home and then I’ll deal with this with the rest of the police department. You don’t have to deal with this thing anymore, it’ll be my burden from now on. You need time to finally get some rest and mourn your friends with your and their families. It’s already fucked your life up enough, I won’t let it go on making it worse.”
I stopped her before she could argue with me with a wave of my hand. “Your friends’ deaths shouldn’t be your burden to handle. I know you want to be the one who kills that thing and do right by them, but that’s not what they would want. They’d want you to remember them and continue living. They know you didn’t do it, so stop blaming yourself and stop acting like you’re the one who has to make it up to them. I will put an end to this die trying, but you need to go home and be with people who are happy you still get to live.”
Kate looked down at her hands that I kept down on her lap before nodding weakly and letting out a broken “okay.”
“Good, now let’s get you home before-“
My words were cut off when the honk of a car barreling toward us echoed through the woods. The headlights were fast approaching and I barely had time to grab the gear shift to put us back in drive as the other vehicle hit us, forcing us back and forth in one violent motion. It took me a moment to check myself to be sure I hadn’t hit my head on anything or got whiplash from the crash before I immediately returned my full attention to Kate who was kneeling over holding her head. I gently grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up to examine her head. It didn’t appear to have been busted and bleeding, but she was holding the front side of her forehead.
“Are you okay?” I asked her, prying her hand away from the spot on her forehead, seeing that it was beginning to bruise. “Can you hear me? Blink twice if you can understand me!”
“I… I’m f-fine…” she mumbled as she looked to her hand to check if there was blood on her palm, “I… I think I just… Hit… Hit the w-window…” She then blinked twice in my direction before looking to the car that had rammed us.
I turned my attention as well to the car to see it was a police van, it’s front crushed into the left of my front. I quickly jumped out my vehicle and stormed to the van, yelling at who ever was driving the van to come out and explain what the hell they were doing.
The driver’s side of the van swung open once I was near enough and a man in an orange jumpsuit climbed out, staring familiar daggers at me. The moment realization set in, my mixed emotions of confusion, frustration, and fear turned to fury.
It was Leighton Raines.
“Jesus, you really are a shitty detective.” Was all he said to me before reaching into the can and retrieving a rifle out from the passenger seat.
[END OF PART 1]
Part 6

Hello,
Please delete my post if this breaks any rules - I need some ways of coping with the stress of not knowing my status as of now. Here’s some background for everyone, I’ll do it from the beginning as I don’t know how else to do it:
I’m 26, male, gay. On 14th of April I’ve met a guy and had unprotected sex with him. I was passive. I know he was HIV+ve but he told me he was undetectable. Prior to this for about 3 weeks I was taking PreP daily which I only stopped 3 days prior to meeting him (I had some stuff happening) and restarted it an hour and a half before meeting him.
Fast forward two weeks, I get a high fever, vomiting, aches all over and a massive headache as well as a sore throat and swollen lymph nodes. I didn’t immediately connect it back to him but I started finding out that unfortunately he’s a drug addict a stoner and frequently misses his meds - I am not judging at all so please don’t take it as such but that planted a seed in my head.
When my main symptoms went away (roughly day 15/16) I was left with aching everywhere and a sore throat that had continued on and off since then. It’s almost like the more I think about it the more it happens.
I am now in this IMMENSE black hole of constantly googling stuff related to HIV. I have done a test on day 32 which was a 4th generation test from my finger. This came back negative.
Yesterday, day 36 I’ve noticed white spots at the back of my throat.
I can’t stop googling, researching and finding more reasons as to why I am positive. I keep reading about how prep delays the detection window which is why I don’t trust my negative result.
I am just looking for people to give me some ways of coping with anxiety as it’s taken over my life. I am at work and I can’t stop thinking about it no matter what I’m doing. I keep randomly breaking down into tears. I wake up in the middle of the night and think about having it.
I understand having HIV is not a death sentence - I think it’s the anxiety of not knowing. If I knew I could then start moving on, but for now my life has been put on hold and I’m just paralysed.
I have another test at week 6 (+5days) and I’m already finding reasons as to why it won’t be definitive.
For me, it’s just way too many coincidences for me to not be positive and I just wanted people to essentially tell me what to do, please.

Hello,
Please delete my post if this breaks any rules - I need some ways of coping with the stress of not knowing my status as of now. Here’s some background for everyone, I’ll do it from the beginning as I don’t know how else to do it:
I’m 26, male, gay. On 14th of April I’ve met a guy and had unprotected sex with him. I was passive. I know he was HIV+ve but he told me he was undetectable. Prior to this for about 3 weeks I was taking PreP daily which I only stopped 3 days prior to meeting him (I had some stuff happening) and restarted it an hour and a half before meeting him.
Fast forward two weeks, I get a high fever, vomiting, aches all over and a massive headache as well as a sore throat and swollen lymph nodes. I didn’t immediately connect it back to him but I started finding out that unfortunately he’s a drug addict a stoner and frequently misses his meds - I am not judging at all so please don’t take it as such but that planted a seed in my head.
When my main symptoms went away (roughly day 15/16) I was left with aching everywhere and a sore throat that had continued on and off since then. It’s almost like the more I think about it the more it happens.
I am now in this IMMENSE black hole of constantly googling stuff related to HIV. I have done a test on day 32 which was a 4th generation test from my finger. This came back negative.
Yesterday, day 36 I’ve noticed white spots at the back of my throat.
I can’t stop googling, researching and finding more reasons as to why I am positive. I keep reading about how prep delays the detection window which is why I don’t trust my negative result.
I am just looking for people to give me some ways of coping with anxiety as it’s taken over my life. I am at work and I can’t stop thinking about it no matter what I’m doing. I keep randomly breaking down into tears. I wake up in the middle of the night and think about having it.
I understand having HIV is not a death sentence - I think it’s the anxiety of not knowing. If I knew I could then start moving on, but for now my life has been put on hold and I’m just paralysed.
I have another test at week 6 (+5days) and I’m already finding reasons as to why it won’t be definitive.
For me, it’s just way too many coincidences for me to not be positive and I just wanted people to essentially tell me what to do, please.

Hello, I had an MA on Wednesday when I took the misoprostol pills. On that day, I was bleeding a lot and cramping and passed some clots. Fast forward, I still have some light bleeding and light cramping. On Friday, I started feeling sick like I would get a fever but my temp never actually went up to 100. Last night, I had really bad congestion, runny nose, muscle ache, swollen lymph nodes, and it was hurting to swallow, and yellow nasal discharge/phlegm. I went to the urgent care this morning to get checked and tested negative for strep throat and doctor said it could be a viral infection. I was not prescribed any antibiotics and was told to take over the counter medication to manage the symptoms. I am just wondering if what I’m feeling could be any way related to my medical abortion. I am worried that I could have an infection or an incomplete abortion and this is how my body is reacting to it. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Has anyone ever experienced something like this.

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.