The Context:

/Barcelona is the main sub for the second largest city in Spain and the capital of Catalonia. Long a tourist hotspot, much of the local economy is driven by tourism.
OOP posts a picture of graffiti in a park with the message: “Tourist: your luxury trip my daily misery.” [sic]
Users begin debating if this is a fair take, the effect of tourism on the city, and vomiting memes.
For ease of readability to a majority English-speaking audience, I’ve translated some comments from Catalan, poorly.

The Drama:

Is the graffiti expressing a selfish sentiment?

What a selfish, shitty thing to say to someone trying to live their best lives and share a bit of the magic you enjoy everyday.

Love this comment! Not all tourists are bad.

Tourism is unsustainable.

So we should all just stick to the respective cities we’re born in? What a lovely, thriving, multi-cultural society that’ll end up in /s

Not all the cities have the same problems. Responsible tourism is a thing

[Continued:]

Then why don't you vote for politicians that want to improve the situation?
Tourism tax, restrictions on how many people can visit a park/attraction per day, etc pp.
Instead you get nonstop whining on reddit. Or shared bicycles that can only be rented by Barcelona residents. Wow, good job! The tourism tax is at only 4-5€ per night in Barcelona. Compare that to Berlin where it's a whopping 7% soon (which is usually way higher than 5€).

Who did tell you who I vote for or what I do? [If you want we can talk face to face when you want clown]

Oh no, we got a badass over here. [I didn't say anything like that, of course you tourists are the problem if your head lacks intelligence...]

[It's very good to learn Catalan (good luck with what you have left to reach a decent level, I'm really telling you this with love) but don't put words in other people's mouths without knowing. There are many of us here who are fed up with the borderline situation that the city is living in and if you are a privileged person who doesn't get the slightest bit, I would at least ask you to have the decency to keep quiet when it's time to keep quiet]

[…]

No. We should stop travelling at the expense of the plane, the cities and the people's suffering. And locals should resist what makes their lives more difficult. In this case, a tourist model that hikes rents, contaminates and destroys the social fabric of the community displacing people and creating precarious jobs that provide no stability or value. Barcelona can be a great and fun place if you are staying here for a week, or if you are a remote worker that gets paid by a large firm with headquarters in Amsterdam. But that fun can be, and is, disastrous for other people. That search for sun and beach, of parties and stories uploaded to social media causes many problems for others. That's a fact. Non-sustainable tourism is what it is. Tourists and expats (high earning migrants) can be, individually, very nice and conscious folks. But the dynamics they are participating in are the cause of many problems for the city and its inhabitants.
[It's the market, friend.]

[…]

The problem isn't the singular tourist. The problem is suffocating hordes of tourists that treat your home like an amusement park or museum.
Tourism can be a real economic win for a city, but it also has externalities that can kill the very thing that made it special if not kept in check. Barcelona is a great example of this.
I say this both as someone who loves to travel and who lives in a tourist hotspot.

I mean, there is not too much you can do about it besides a ridiculous tax, and that would be a little hypocritical if you love to travel, because traveling should be accessible to the majority of people.
It makes sense to me if you defend the free market, and you put the price on your city or whatever you want to do like a libertarian, but again,it is hypocritical when we see that the political party that won the elections do not like the free market or libertarian politics.
You can't have all.

Woooosh!
That's the sound of everything going over your head

Lmao, it is the definition of being a logical thinker and not being a hypocrite.

Oh sorry, it went so over your head, that you didn't even hear the whoosh.
You're talking politics when I was talking social and economic. So, not much of a logical thinker.
But it doesn't surprise me that Barcelona would vote that way. It's called the resource curse, and by now tourism will have all but killed all other industries. So yeah, they have no choice now. Which is exactly what I was talking about in my second paragraph.

Who are the users of the sub anyway?

Because 90% of the people answering are expats. They don't fucking care about locals, they mostly despise or ignore them. Most of them live in their own English ghettos, not even bothering about anything else that themselves.

Biggest load of horseshit I’ve read all day.
You live in fantasy land and it’s really, really sad to see. I hope you open your eyes one day.

[How is your Catalan?]

[my Catalan is good. not that it matters]
Nobody “despises” Catalans. Every single person I know that has moved here is desperate to get involved with local culture, history and activities. They try their hardest to learn the language. They try their hardest to make more catalan friends.
Classic Reddit perpetual victim.

Is Barcelona dying?

Barcelona is dying. Soon it will be an empty city, a shiny shell of what had once been alive and authentic. The locals can't face the rent prices, the gentrified shops and bars, we are forced to leave our neighborhoods and give up decent housing.

Looking at rent availability and prices - it is very far from dying.

Are you looking at the prices as a foreigner or as a local? Because wages in Spain for most of us are quite poor, so yes, it's really difficult to find decent housing with those prices

And yet people don't do anything like moving away meaning situation is still not that bad.
When things like that happened in my country - a lot of people emigrated for better work and things normalised at home too.
Economy has a way of fixing itself. No workers to serve tourists - higher wages or fewer tourists.

It will only be expats and tourists here and the 10% rich Catalans in the end. Look at the most common local salary from locals in the city.

You're so close to understanding the root of the issue. Yet so far...

Yeah, it's all the fault of the 10% of evil Catalans. OK. Nobody else is responsable or can do anything.

[Continued:]

Think a little bit harder. You can do it.

[You're enlightening, kid.]

I give you the answer because you're obviously struggling. It's the wages. Your salary is shit, and there's no excuse for that because you live in a rich region, of a rich country, part of a rich continent.
And once again, one of the greatest success of those profiteering is to turn people like you into the useful idiots by pointing the finger to people from your own social class: in this case, the Ryanair flying middle to low income tourists (yeah, far from luxury holidays), who are the majority of the people visiting this city. And with whom you have much more in common than you realize.
While prices have increased, as it did everywhere around the globe, Barcelona remains a cheap city. And that's exactly the reason why it is such a popular destination across the spectrum of tourists, and especially with low income ones.
So, if you really want to change something, start asking yourself why wages are so low in such a rich region. And at an individual level, negotiate (like I did) an income worth your efforts. And if it's still not enough, keep in mind that 80% of the properties are owned by locals.

You don't know shit about how I fight, or any people like me for a more fair society. Probably way more than you. But this post is about overtourism and touristification. I can care about multiple things and fight multiple fights.

Then this conversation is over, you don't have the intellectual bandwidth to understand something as simple as how low wages are linked to the problem you blame "the tourists" for. Also, if me, an immigrant from a poor Caribbean country, is able to live significantly better than you in a place where I arrived few years ago without speaking the language, ask yourself the right questions about your fighting abilities, and probably your life choices.

[Continued:]

Lol you know shit about who I am, my life choices, or the money I earn. Your comment is funny.
I'm a socialist. I care about my family and friends, about people who had less oportunities than me. I despise people who only think about themselves, or fight only for themselves. The last part of your comment says a lot about you. Bye.

Sure, keep telling yourself that you're a socialist while defending a xenophobic agenda benefiting the ruling class. Like I said, useful idiots like you are what's keeping the system on its feet. Great work 👍

A user is crowned king:

When your own city becomes overcrowded all the time and you can’t afford to live in the center because it’s so expensive due to tourist/expats money inflating the market, it doesn’t matter how much money “the city” makes from tourism, your individual life is affected very negatively and you live worst off than with less tourism. I’m not even a local, but this is not hard to understand.

can’t really blame tourists for systemic issues

Erm, says who, you, the king?
If local wages are lower than abroad (not ideal but would be ok in its own, it’s still better than my own country) but due to how attractive the weather and culture is, people from other countries with much higher wages flock here and destroy the market, either by paying much higher (making it impossible for locals) or buying properties to rent (know many who do this, buy something, live in it 3 months of the year, and rent to other expats the rest of the year) - who’s fault is? The locals? lol

then fight for wages, not tourists.

This is why the locals hate you lol

[Continued:]

This is why I don't care bro.
[Photo of a beach]

What are you trying to prove? I’m not even a local, I just have more than a brain cell and understand why the locals blame the tourists, which is what was being discussed.

Nothing mate, I just really don't care who hates me. That is my day everyday at 11 am.

You care enough to have made now 3 comments that are totally irrelevant to what was being discussed.
“I don’t care. I swear. I promise! Let me show you that I don’t care. I really don’t care I swear”.

[…]

People working in tourism related jobs mostly work part-time, have no indefinido contracts and earn minimum wage. You can google that.
Some people are getting rich by tourism, most people are just surviving in it.
But of course 'expats' and tourists who represent most of the sub members and not local or immigrant workers are going to upvote your out of touch comment.

Some of these people need it to survive though

Not the Airbnb owners obviously

I have an Airbnb and I need it to survive.

Get a job.

What is misery?

Misery is that your old neighborhood is full of souvenir shops and none of your friends even live there anymore.

Shut the fuck up, Spain has one of the highest living standards in the world. You’re mad because other people want to visit and have a bit of it in their shitty lives? Spain has it so damn good, the thing youre complaining about is literally a problem around the entire developed world and isn’t necessarily any worse or unique to Barcelona. Stop being so damn dramatic and accept that your ‘misery’ is just you disliking seeing foreigners happy.

If you can afford spending hundreds of euros in partying and Airbnbs, why is their life so shitty? Leave your jobs and come work here as a server, try to rent anything with the minimum salary. Barcelona can be a paradise, but the tourist model is making it a hell for the majority.
Yeah, the market is being a problem for everyone everywhere. Now, people in Barcelona have to fight against the effects of the market in the city. As everybody should do in their home cities. A Barcelona for those who build their lives there, not for those who wish to consume and toss it.

Something tells me, me, a guiri, leaving my job and working in Barcelona makes Catalans even more mad than if I were just visiting.

And that something is in the room, here with us?
in fact if you live and work in Catalonia you are a Catalan. so this comment makes 0 sense at all.

Who’s to blame anyway?

Classic losers playing the victim card. Without tourism beautiful Barcelona's economy would be destroyed. But please keep blaming your shortcomings on others.

Barcelona was beautiful before tourism.

If you live in Barcelona, enjoy it. It is and will always be beautiful, and if you truly believe otherwise you are wasting the time you have in one of the world’s greatest cities. Times are tough, yes, but remember that people are also having tough times in the middle of nowhere, without any cultural outlets or ability to find likeminded people. Real estate greed is running rampant the world over, and hopefully it will not last.
Be a part of the solution, never travel again please. Just spend the rest of your life in Barcelona like a hermit. Otherwise you're a fucking hypocrite.

Hypocrite is thinking that tourism is good for the locals.

Ok great. Then be a part of the solution and never travel again. It hurts the locals. Been to London? Been to Berlin? Been to Italy? Greece? Cairo? Are you going to stop travelling and seeing the world? Everyone here knows perfectly well that you won't. It's just childish whining

The Flairs:

• “But I don't eat and vomit memes like you…”
  
• “Stop getting your news from memes”
  
• “You don't know shit about how I fight”
  

Hi guys incoming college freshmen student here this year, i need your help/advice po. Ung tita ko kasi which is from the US is our breadwinner of our family, siya talaga ung sumusuporta samen ever since elementary pa kami ng sister ko financially i mean lahat kasi wala na ung father namen and may sakit ung mom ko. Ang gusto niya na kunin kong course is pharmacy kasi nagtapos din siya ng pharmacy and nagwork sa US for decades and dun siya nakapagipon. At gusto nya pagkatapos ko sa college is lumipad naren ako sa US para dun magwork as a pharmacy and support my younger sister (currently in Senior High). Ngayon ung problem is di talaga ako mahilig sa medicine, oo second choice ko ung pharmacy kasi may interest naman ako ng konti sa medicine and ok naman memorization ko kaso Information technology talaga ang gusto kong itake na course kasi love ko talaga ang computer at technology ever since na bata papo ako. Ngayon kasi we are struggling financially and nasabi kona to sa tita ko kaso sabi niya bahala naraw ako sa buhay ko at wala daw ako mapapala kung mag IT ako at mababa daw ang sahod. Naintindihan ko naman si tita dahil nahihirapan narin siya to financially support us pero baka magsisi lang ako kung magpharmacy ako dahil di ko siya first choice and i heard na mahirap daw talaga. Should I take I.T. Related course or makinig sa tita ko and take pharmacy? Thank you guys first time posting here pasensya na haha need lang talaga ng serious advice or tips kahit konti.

i don't know how to structure and express my thoughts very well so please bear with me,
what i mean by conventional powerscaling is what's commonly used in this sub, things like "low complex gokuversal" or "immesurable speed" and such things, which are never grounded within the story they are taken from.
what i mean by being grounded in their original story is taking into account the writer's intent behind having a character do something, if for example a character dodges a laser shooting weapon, did the writer really intend for that laser to go at the speed of light or was it just because it looks cool and it's not actually much faster than a bullet.
and now i just have a more general question, how do we powerscale a character if the story they are from makes no sense?
what i'm talking about when i ask this is something like infinite speed, when i look up what infinite speed means in powerscaling i get that it's the ability to cross an infinite distance in a finite amount of time, but please forgive me if i'm wrong but isn't this conceptually impossible?
my problem isn't that it isn't realistic or that it contradicts the laws of physics in our world, i have no problem with character being faster than light even if it's not physically possible, the problem i have here is that the concept is nonsensical.
the concept of an infinite desitance by definition is that it has no end, and therefore you can never cross it, even if you have a theoritical infinite speed (of beyond infinite as some powerscalers say) it should still not be possible.
if you cross an infinite distance then it doesn't mean that your speed is infinite, it just means that the distance was never infinite in the first place, it had an end and it was finite, if it was trully infinite then you shouldn't be able to reach the end.
and then there is a problem with the implications of infinite speed, i see multiple people saying that goku has at least infinite speed (implying he is faster than that), i won't argue whether that's true or not, that's not the problem, for the sake of the argument let's assume he does, the problem that it creates is phenomenal, as an infinite speed implies a theoritical omnipresence, if you have infinite speed and actually wanted to you could be at every single place at once at all times.
now i just want to ask the people who think that goku has infinite speed, do you really think that if goku wanted to he could be at every place in the universe at once? do you really think that he is capable of that? and do you also think that the writer thought of that and is ok with goku being an omnipresent being if he feels like doing it?
i'm sorry but this is nonsensical to me.

Received below from our Freight Forwarder:
We are seeing an extremely tight market that is being booked out 4 weeks or more, so we are encouraging earliest possible booking. As the attached article points out, some of the carriers are already working against the contracts that they just signed with very large importers. So far, so good, for RIM in that regard, we are getting space. In 2020, as things ramped up, the carriers completely stopped releasing contract space and it all became a big auction for “premium” space. Surely we hope that this will not happen in 2024, but we will stay in constant contact with you.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING NOW AND WHY IS THIS MARKET SO BUSY?
Blank Sailings – carriers are controlling capacity / limiting capacity which is helping to spike the rates. The spot market has taken a $1000 GRI on 4/15, 5/1, and now 5/15, with another poised for 6/1. They also announced a PSS (peak season surcharge) for June 1. Will this take? We don’t know at this time. We will surely review with you as we get any news The Canada Rail Strike Issue – thankfully we seem to have government intervention happening as I write this, but the threat of the strike this week made many importers avoid the Canadian ports and move via USWC, causing there to be very tight space USEC Labor situation – the ILA on the East Coast ports have their contract set to expire on Sept 30. There is plenty of time ahead of this date but importers have been bringing inventory forward to avoid any potential strike issues. 2024 Election and Tariffs – the Presidential election looms large over everything we are discussing here. That will play a part in any potential strike settlement or discussion on the political side; whoever wins, it seems, will increase tariffs from China. Both have said that they would do so. This is another reason why importers are pushing their inventory up and trying to get it in ASAP, to avoid any strike issues and any additional tariff issues.
Since we are already booking into mid to end of June, I have to think that things will be very busy for the summer, if not longer. The true answer is we don’t know what demand will look like, but I wanted to give you all the news as we get it.

I'm in my mid thirties, single, and have been in the office work force almost full-time since 2009, when I took my first full-time job after college. So far I'd say I've prioritized other things in life instead of investing and saving, and am a total investing/personal finance rookie, but I have been contributing pretty regularly to the 401Ks I've had with different employers. I feel I am doing OK overall in saving toward retirement through those accounts.
Where I feel quite behind is in accumulating savings that can be used toward one or more big-ticket items in the nearer term, specifically buying a decent house, which I'd like to be able to do in about 10 years' time and currently have almost no liquid savings toward. (I live in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. now, might move somewhere *slightly* smaller if stars align personally and professionally, but probably won't be going anywhere that has real estate anyone would consider "cheap".) My goal is to have $200K in relatively liquid funds to make a down payment on a house in 10 years' time, which is the main purpose for the investment strategy that I'm posting below. I plan to start with a small investment of about $5K now into something like the fund below (that's the spare cash I have for this right now), which I will monitor for performance and keep contributing to each month afterward. I know, it's a heavy lift to get from here to there.
With this in mind, I'd love everyone's thoughts on the mix of stock and bond ETFs below. I'm targeting 70% stocks and 30% bonds now (see the fine print under "Goal 1" below for more on this) but could be persuaded that a different mix is right for my goal of buying a house (My 401K investments are a little more conservative than this in their allocation, about 60-40.) I've highlighted the ETF in each class below that seems like the best option to me based on the limited data I've gathered, using Fidelity (also the platform that generated the basis for this investment plan via its "ETF Portfolio Builder," and the platform I think I will use to purchase the ETFs). I'm all for your takes on which of these ETFs seem best, any others I'm missing, whole classes of investments that you think I should be considering, etc. For example, do you see an advantage to picking ETFs across sectors as I have below, vs. just setting up an even more automated target-date account?
I could also use everyone's thoughts on the idea of putting money into a stock-heavy mix of investments RIGHT NOW, with the stock market at historic highs (but probably not done climbing), conflicts underway around the world, a crazy presidential election coming up in November, etc. People say not to try to time the market, but... should I wait until the market cools off a bit or takes a dip before jumping in?
There's a lot here, so feel free to respond to bits and pieces as your time allows.
DISCLAIMER: the data I've gathered about these ETFs should be pretty current as of time of posting, but I make no guarantees about its accuracy, since I compiled it into Excel by hand and didn't do much double checking. See the asterisks regarding the definitions of "market return" used.
https://preview.redd.it/g3ieuqy1vq1d1.png?width=1224&format=png&auto=webp&s=b30f233142728095c7ba3be57bfef94ad5654abd

I contemplated writing this all day but decided it might be helpful to someone else if I shared my bittersweet EDC 2024 experience.
This year was my second year at EDC, and despite a few negative experiences sprinkled throughout, I honestly had the time of my life.
Saturday, while I was sitting on the turf mound at Basspod VIP, I was assaulted. A guy, we’ll call him Mo, had come up to where me, my wife, and my wife’s friend were sitting and started talking to my wife. They chatted briefly. Then, my wife returned to dancing, and Mo turned around talking to someone else.
A few minutes later, Mo tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You and your wife look so good together.” I replied, “Aww, thank you so much,” and returned to resume my head banging. Not even five minutes later, as I was zoned out, feeling the music and vibes, I felt something brushing against my back. It was Mo.
Now, I know it’s nearly impossible not to brush up against other people, so I try to be super tolerant and understand that most people aren’t trying to be creeps; it’s just close quarters.
But no sooner than I had moved forward a bit, I felt someone’s hand underneath my vest pouch fondling and massaging my breast. Initially, when I looked back, I was confused, but I realized that Mo was lying on his back and had reached his hand under my vest.
When I turned around like, “Wtf are you doing?” He threw his hands up and just started apologizing profusely. I tried to tell him to gtfoh and go someplace else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me, but he just kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”
I don't know if my wife’s friend, sitting on my right, saw what happened, but I know she saw me fussing at this guy, trying to tell him to gtfoh. She didn’t say or do anything. Then, I told my wife, who had been talking with another couple, what happened, and that I had tried to ask him to go somewhere else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me but that he just stayed there apologizing over and over. She asked if I wanted to switch seats with her or if I wanted her to do anything, and I just said no.
The boy was clearly faded; he had mentioned this to my wife, and I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s experience, so I just turned around and tried to shake it off. I knew this wasn’t the end, and I was ready.
Again, not even five minutes had passed, and I felt a hand grip my right shoulder. I hear Mo start saying, “I’m so sorry, I…” but before he could finish, I turned around and punched him with probably the best right hook of my life. Or maybe it just felt that way because of how good it felt watching his body reel backward and seeing the anger rise in his face as the realization that he just got socked by a 5’4” 130 lb female set in.
As soon as I punched him, his friends came rushing in, pulling him back like, “Hey, chill! Our friend is just really fucked up right now,” blah blah blah. My wife turned to see the commotion and was like, “Aye, the next time your friend puts his hands on my wife, he’s getting beat tf up.”In response, one of the friends said, “This is my wife right here, so I understand,” trying to tell us we needed to calm down. My wife told them basically, “No, y’all need to get your friend because my wife was just about to cry when your friend was groping her breasts. Do you want to put your wife between him and my wife then?”
Maybe they only saw him grab my shoulder and me socking him, but no matter how I try to justify it, there are so many things wrong with everything that happened. First, if I ever see a woman straight up punch a man TWICE her size, I’m immediately going to ask her wtf happened and if she is ok.
Second, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s been painful, mainly because it still boggles my mind that sexual assault is so quickly brushed off. I’m not expecting anyone to lay hands on someone for me, but a little solidarity would have gone a long way in that situation.
I’m annoyed it didn’t become a scene until I punched him. No one wanted to get up and stand up to this man after he sexually assaulted me in front of hundreds of people—but throw a punch and, wow, the outrage.
None of the friends asked me if I was okay or tried to take him far away from me. I understand my wife and her friend not stepping in too much in the beginning; it is a man who is bigger and likely stronger, and women are often afraid that worse will happen if they make a scene, but still. If we all stood up to him and forced him to leave after assaulting me, it would have felt a hell of a lot better than having to wait to be touched again so that I could physically handle it myself.
With that, my only request is that my fellow rave-goers, please don’t be a bystander or an enabling friend. If you see something, say something. Every conflict doesn’t have to be resolved by violence. Myself and even five other people standing up to Mo saying hey you need to leave or there’s gonna be a scene, would have likely been enough to pressure him to find somewhere else to be a creep. Instead, I had to sit with this man less than a foot behind me who had just fondled and groped my breast and waited for him to strike again to defend myself. Even after I hit him, he and his friends just stayed. Please be the friend that understands when shit has gone too far, and get your friend somewhere different if they are being a nuisance.
It’s a hollowing experience. After I punched him, though, I felt 10000000 times better. I’m saddened that that’s what it had to come to, but the actions of everyone around me indicated that handling it myself was the only option. Maybe everyone around was too fucked up to register what was happening; perhaps they thought it would be better if they minded their own business, I don’t know.
The best part, though, was that afterward, a guy with a bag of wooden fucks gave me one. He said I had zero fucks when I punched that guy, so here’s a fuck. That was genuinely the highlight of my weekend, and if anyone knows this zero fucks given guy, send him my appreciation.
Despite this interaction, I had the most incredible time for the remainder of my weekend. For this one jackass, hundreds of people were kind to me in small ways throughout the weekend. Shout out to all my Basshead headbangers and our new friends from New Mexico, Steve-O, and Alexis, who were ready to find Mo for a little ‘chat’ after we told them what happened later that day. Although we didn’t take them up on the offer, that’s the kind of showing up that I appreciate. I can’t wait to see you all underneath the electric sky again next year.
TLDR: I was groped by a stranger, no one batted an eye, then I punched him, and suddenly, I need to chill. Please don’t be a bystander. See something, say something.

Hi guys so I have a question. in a few days i will be having attending a party for my workplace, the trip that I will be taking will be quite long, around 3 hours ish or more, and I was thinking during the bus drive I'd take motion sickness pills (in this case it's a dimenhydrinate) and here's the thing, in this party I will be performing music and I will be playing the guitar and I'm planning to take Xanax before the performance starts. My trip will start at around 5 am, and my plan is to take dimenhydrinate at 4 am, and my performance will start around 8pm. Would it be safe to take these two meds at the same day?? I looked up on Google that dimenhydrinate lasts about like 8 hours and with the time of when my performance starts it should be where the dimenhydrinate wears off like about half of the day before my performance. Is it ok or should I just not take the motion sickness pill? Thanks guys

Hi, unfortunately I haven't been doing well and my private psychiatrist referred me to the public acute outpatient mental health services. He said that it would take between 1-7 days for them to contact me. In your experience, how many days does it usually take to get contacted?
Also, this is my first time in Finland with worsening mental health, are the acute services OK in your opinion? Potentially I might need also inpatient treatment, has it been easy to access and has it been OK in your experience?

TW for mention of critical illness, hospitals, parental strife
This story spans over a few years so I'm sure I'll have to edit this to clarify.
When I was 17 years old I got diagnosed with a thing in my brain* through an MRI.
^\The shorthand is "AVM" for arteriovenous malformation, a tangle of blood vessels that irregularly connects arteries and veins. In the brain, it can cause brain bleeds which affect cognitive and motor function and can also result in death. The way i explain it is that you've got the blood pressure and flood of an artery going into a deformed clump of capillaires and veins with thin walls, deforming them further. The risk of rupture increases every year. Idk if it sounds scary enough like that, but it's like a ticking time bomb.)
I got gamma radiation shortly after, which is only relevant because they use a metal frame with metal spikes they drill against your skull so you can’t move your head during radiation. I chose this method of treatment because it was supposed to be quick and painless with no general anaesthesia but it turned out that the treatment experience was completely traumatising and I’m still living with a clinical PTSD diagnosis following that.
This mode of treatment aims at calcifying the inside of the veins in a specific zone and the gradual closing of vulnerable veins can take from 6 m to 3y.
I have siblings and we’ve all always been afraid of our dad. He was always extremely authoritative and we were very well behaved because of that. He got angry very easily, and the smallest thing would send him storming off screaming and breaking things, preceded by silent treatment (which was somehow the scariest all). He’d punish us extremely strictly, and would often drive up to 40km/h over the speed limit to scare or punish us, the reasoning was something like « if we all die it’s your fault because we made me angry).
All this to say my relationship with my father has always been extremely vertical and our relationship never grew into something like equal footing and I always got extremely nervous and scared whenever I was about to meet with him.
This being said, there is no amount of words I can use to describe the depth of my love for him. He drove us around without a protest for hours and hours and hours, gave us a beautiful luxurious life and never missed any of our important dates. Birthdays and chistmases were an avalanches of gifts and we were completely spoiled. He was extremely involved and I know he loves me so much. I’ve stopped speaking to him a few years ago but it truly breaks my heart because I love him so much and I miss the smell of his aftershave and I know he misses me very much too.
When the MRI result came back, my dad was there. He was the one who walked up to me and said « everything is fine, there is just a *little* thing.
I’m sure this was hard for him because his mom died of cancer when he was 28, but he never mentioned it in relation to my illness.
Pretty quickly, my dad stopped me whenever I mentioned illness and made sure I amended any mention of the experience by adding a sweetened positive twist at the end like « I’m glad I learned so much » or « but I grew so much from the experience ».
Gradually and too seamlessly for me to really notice, he decided I was « cured » and would no longer tolerate any mention of illness. He’s get impatient, tell me off, and even genuinely angry when I did. He’d say « you’re cured now » and « idk why you keep talking about this, it’s in the past now, you need to move on and live life ». Important note here : he is not a doctor, just a regular dad in the world with zero medical knowledge.
I don’t know if it was his own version of « manifesting » healing for me or a symptom of his fear. I wonder if he misunderstood the neurologist saying it could take up to three years to see if the treatment was effective. Before the 3 year mark, with no tests and MRIS to back it, he’s managed to completely convince himself and the rest of the family that I was cured and only still talking about it for attention. He even invented a pseudo-psychological term he dubbed the « syndrome of the sick child » to belittle my fear and worry and terror and loneliness, which if I understand his concept correctly meant I was clinging to an expired diagnosis in order to be babied and gat my parents attention. IDK maybe this can give you insight into his personality, how convincing he could be.
And it was just a really lonely experience for me. All of the « why are you still talking about this you ‘re cured and you need to move on now », while still trying to cope with so much fear of dying at all times, without having anywhere to talk about it. I wonder if the lack of parental support I experienced thought such a traumatising experience as a teenager and then as a young adult was what contributed to transform the trauma into clinical PTSD (diagnosed).
Eventually, I got my 3-year mark MRI. The radiologist was my dad’s BIL and he called my dad and gave him the result directly instead of contacting me directly. I was a legal adult and ab. 22 by then. My dad then called me on the phone, I remember the conversation so clearly, he said I was cured and I proceeded to call my mom and grandparents and best friend to share the news.
yay now you can move on. When he got home he popped a bottle of champagne open in celebration.
This was so tough because something didn’t quite sit right with me. Because of growing up hypervigilent I’m usually good at telling when someone is lying and twisitng the truth.
He seemed off on the phone, and in person, and I couldn’t tell if it wasn’t just that I couldn’t imagine life ebbing cured.
A few days later the BIL called me and said there was a lil persisting on the MRI. I wonder if I’d been brainwashed by my dad already by the time BIL called because when I asked dad if there was anything he didn’t tell me, he said « well you can’t expect to be 100% cured with things like this », and « 99% cured is the same as 100% » and other things of the sort. It was like he’d twisted the results in favour of his opinion.
By that time, I was stuck and really confused, and everyone was already convinced I was cured. And it got really hard for me to know what to do and where to turn because I was till so young and the hospital system was so confusing.
It took two years for me to decide to get a second opinion. Someone else looked at the MRI and said there was still something left, but since I’d heard my dad assure me it meant I was cured, it took considerable effort for me to reach out to my service in the hospital again for an appointment with the specialist I’d seen back when I was 17. This alone was extremely challenging because no one took be seriously, and I had to call the secretary office on a daily basis for a couple weeks to ask what I should do to get a confirmation I was cured. I’m quite headstrong and I wanted to hear from the specialist directly that I was cured do as to have no doubts at all. Throughout this, dad tried to discourage me and then eventually accepted it might be the only way for me to move on.
The MRI happened and I sat in the neurosurgeons office at the hospital of my nightmares asking if my results were conducive with full recovery. He confirmed there was something left, and then that the aim of treatment is to be completely cured. That the malformation should not be visible on an MRI once it was cured. He added that the risk of rupture increased each year. I soon had another more intrusive san done and it confirmed there was a little left, which meant I needed to get another round of Gamma radiation.
This hit me like a ton of bricks.
The second round of treatment was just as traumatising as I’d remembered the first round to be.
I don’t know what to do with how angry I am with my dad. He lied to me and invited all of us to live in a fiction of his making, thus endangering me. Every insistence I’d been cured and needed to move on when I wasn’t, and in fact the risk of me having an aneyrism was growing with every day.
The worst is that he never apologised. He instantly switched up his story and started pretending he’d never said I was cured. He created a whole new fiction where « he’d always insisted I’d get a more thorough MRI checkup ». It’s so unfair. How he can’t embrace a world where he’s wronged me, and not because it destroyed me but because he can’t be wrong. He has to be perfect. How unfair.
I most likely wouldn’t have mede it past the age of fifty if I’d believed of indeed obeyed him.
I used to check my memories again to make sure I hadn’t made it up, and eventually I accepted I’d never get an apology. And that I was wronged and I didn’t deserve that. And that I should’ve gotten the support I needed.
I’m cured now, I sat in another doctors office a year ago and he said my MRI came back normal and the AVM was no longer on the scan. I’m really proud I was so headstrong.
And eventually I decided to take distance from my dad, and life improved when I stopped talking to him. I know it hurts him, and that he’s extremely angry. He expresses this to my siblings, and I know they get punished in my stead and I feel so guilty. But I can’t be around my dad, I’m too angry. I’m trying to live with the love I have for him in my heart, with my childhood memories and the guilt and missing him and then more guilt for being happier now that I don’t have to talk to him and listen to his tirades. And I worry for my siblings who still talk to him, because he doesn’t treat them kindly and they deserve so much love and admiration and support, which he’d never give them.
I used to want to press charges and I wonder if he shouldn’t be in prison for what he did but he’s a vicious man and he’s go to much money and friends in high places that I couldn’t take him on. And things would get ugly, I know. I just wish he could pay for what he did.
I’ll update later for typos and clarifications :)

I’ve had 16 lessons so far and I started off very new and unknown to driving and anything to do with vehicles. My test is the end of June and I feel like my instructor is wasting my time by just going through left and right turns. The first 10 lesson I can understand, but every time I meet with him for 2 hour lessons he keeps taking me to the same residential area and we just go in circles. He doesn’t think my turns are “good enough”, just good. And he constantly take me to these very sharp turns in middle of nowhere near my test routes just so he can find flaws in my turns.
I’m doing great left and right turns, and I have a good progression, I’ve seen drivers and family members do OK, but he keeps putting me down on turns and give me comments about “not doing my homework” or “taking notes for how to take turns”… I have, and I feel undefeated. I have thousands of notes (and mental notes) of correct way (MSPSL), I watched videos. I’m my last lesson he told me to go sit on a double decker and pretend I’m driving so I can learn how to do left and right turn…. Is this normal?
I haven’t learned anything about parking, bay parking, reversing, dual carriage way driving and a lot more. I have a very bad feeling that since he knows my test is so far away, he wants to exploit me for my money and just drag out lessons.. it’s very sad that he doesn’t see my progress after 16 hours, and thinks that I’m not worthy of going down a main road.
What is correct? Is it normal to still be doing left and right turns at this stage, or should I start searching for a new instructor? Please help me find out…

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Sorry but this is confusing to me. I created SNO cluster. I see some counter in the "Clusters" section that i have 49 days left. So i thought "ok, this time i will install OKD to have no limitation. But OKDs documentation (Assisted installer) redirects me back to console.redhat.com. So i don't get it - does it mean that all cluster installations are the same both for OKD and paid service? And access to cluster will not expire and 60 days trial is only for some additional support/features?

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

We've been together for 7 years now. The fight itself stemmed from long term problems but was a small thing, ultimately. I have really serious trauma history and can sometimes project the feelings of neglect and abandonment I experienced on others. I'm pretty much always working on this, but it's also a reality of life currently. I was playing a co-op game with him and some friend when I had technical issues that made enjoying the game and communicating impossible. I asked my partner for help but from my perspective they were cold and short with me and not tolerant of my frustration and confusion when troubleshooting. From their perspective I was mean and didn't accept their help. Ultimately when I talked to my brother about it he reminded me that I should have helped my self and taken initiative for myself and that's most healthy. But I got upset and felt like he was abandoning me and having fun without caring about me so I froze and stopped playing before leaving entirely to go cry alone in another room.
After the game ended he came in, but from the outside of the door I heard him say "oh God not again" and he came in and asked if I was okay. Then when I said no and started talking about how I was feeling he berated me for supposedly not wanting to tell him anyway and tried to make an exit. I could tell he didn't want to be there but made the mistake of pining for his emotional validation and support anyway. He told me later that he would only have been able to do that if what I was upset about was something less hurtful than warped projections onto him. Since he was just trying to get through the game and give me space to advocate for myself. We've also talked on the past about not bringing these kinds of emotions to him. Yet I partially feel since I was mid meltdown by myself *trying* to regulate and he came in and tried to help but then became agitated, that he really should have stayed away!! Or left respectfully!! But he started arguing with me, and I just kept getting more upset and crying and accusing him of not loving me like he used to. When things escalated to shouting he got in my face. When I his opinion, I got too loud, he ran at me and grabbed my body and restrained it while placing his hand over my mouth to shut me up. I fought him off me and it took strength and screamed not to touch me!?! Ultimately we shouted until he ran out of the house and didn't come back for 6 hours.
During that time I called my brother and tried to make sense of it all. I realized I had done wrong and betrayed my commitment to not put my anxieties about him abandoning me on his plate and should of kept it all to myself. I reflected on my partners condition lately, which is very poor as he is depressed and recently fired. He has gained dramatic weight over the last 3 years and is basically miserable lately. Both the external world and our relationship have been sour for us leading to constant arguing.
The next day we reconciled and I was upset he wasn't immediately remorseful for grabbing me because it was serious. He said he doesn't think guilt or remorse are useful, only punitive. It's important to me though, I don't know if that's wrong. So I told him I didn't forgive him and asked if he even wanted me to forgive him. He said yes and asked me to be more specific about what showing remorse meant to me. I asked that he sit next to me and held my hands. I told him to say "I'm sorry. I crossed a line I should never cross and hurt you. I will never do anything like this ever again. I betrayed your trust." And he did and it seemed genuine but he also felt the need to keep bringing up why he thought in the moment it was ok to do. He said our roommate said we had been noisy lately so he did "for me" knowing it worries me to upset my roommate. I told him it was ridiculous to say it was for me, even if that was his reasoning and that I would never grab him to make him quiet.
I forgave him, and I think I really do but I want this to never happen again. We made new plans on how to interact when I'm processing big feelings that aren't best shared with him. I'm also making new plans to intervene in my mental and physical health to just take better care of myself to further prove personal responsibility for my own issues. He told me he didn't want to have any more sex for a while because of the seriousness of my accusations (that it was an assault against my physical autonomy) and that we would sleep in separate places and get space. I agreed but it's very bittersweet. The space helps me too but I'm also so sad and the gap between us is suddenly so wide. How do couples who have hurt each other build new understanding, love , and peace? Please, all I want is that.

I'm 24M and she's 28F. We are both native Chinese, and I have been studying in the US for 5 years. We met last year in China when I took the summer break (she hasn't been abroad before) and soon fell in love. So we are in LDR now (I've flown back to see her for two months, together we've physically been together for 5 months, and separate for 5 months). She indeed helped me through the most difficult period of my life, as I had depression at the time and was on medication. I think I got out of the condition under her support and love. However, deep in my heart, I always doubt if this relationship will last forever, as I think I'm still exploring my own life, and quite unsure of what my future looks like. She has suggested that she wants to marry me. I really want to tell her about my internal struggles and the idea of marriage actually sounds intimidating to me, but I can't because I don't want to hurt her, because I know once I tell her I don't want marriage she will wonder if I'm not serious on this relationship.
I know many of you may think it's the best to confess my thoughts to her and break up. I've thought about this, but I can't do so, for two reasons: 1. she has a really hurtful dating history, as her two ex-boyfriends hurt her so much, treating her so bad, that she has this inferiority complex that seems ingrained in her heart. She really sees me as a fateful destination of her life, as we have had a lot of good times together. I can't leave her like this, I can't deepen her existing trauma by betraying her. 2. She is from a rather economic-restrained family. She needs to support her parents, one of them suffering from a chronic illness. She works overtime everyday, sometimes plus weekends. If she hasn't met me, her parents would help find her a "ok" husband, which she despises. My point is: I can picture her life after I leave her, which is painstaking, living with a husband she doesn't necessarily love and doesn't love her (she's not physically attractive to most people I guess, but I'm fond of her), and she will spend rest of her life in China supporting her parents. I know this may appear to be my arrogant speculations, but I want to display the harsh reality here. If we continue, I can take her here to the US, I can help support her family by my salary. She has saved me from a dark place, I should do these things for her. It's immoral for me to leave her.
However, I can't keep myself from the thought of pursuing my own life, to me it's an evil thought. I know this sounds so contradictory, so hypocritic, but this is my true state right now.
Really hope for some true advice...
Plus: I plan to work here in US after graduate. We have discussed about living abroad in the future, which she kind of objected but I think if we have determination to be together in the future it's not big issue.
TL;DR: I'm unsure about continuing the relationship, also some morality burdens are involved here. We are both Chinese and I'm studying in the US.

For context, may inoutsource ako na nameet ko online. Sobrang dami kong hinahandle and may team na talaga ko but overwhelmed na kami. This guy has been out of work for a few years already. And considering na same school kami, I know may mataas na standards kami, so I thought why not bigyan siya ng work? So I outsourced 1 project with a basic task with him, and ok naman. May mga kailangan lang icomment etc. but manageable and di ako nahassle. Sa susunod mas malaki na yung role niya, 50% of the project fee binibigay ko since nagtake over na siya.
Ok siya in terms of knowledge and ideas, but parang ang daming hurdles — kulang sa software na needed and may lack of resources to finish a task to the point na pinagamit ko laptop ko. Dito na ko na start mafrustrate, kasi para sakin if kukunin mo yung task daapat fully prepared ka. Ngayon I started feeling like hindi na sulit yung bayad ko kasi 1. My time is being consumed trying to adjust for him and 2. my staff can do the same work na less mahahassle ako, maybe mas matagal, but mas naka-set na yung process and expectations.
This weekend I’ve been checking kung matatapos niya and if need niya ng help and requesting for him to send work in progress para masimulan ko na yung comments knowing na sobrang dami kong gagawin pagdating ng Monday. Alam ko nang ngarag ako. And lagi niyang response later isesend, never sending a WIP — until umabot ng Monday ng madaling araw siya nagsend.
Gumising ako na anxious, and bombarded with messages. Then makikita ko na may mga kulang pa yung submitted work niya, asking me to just annotate ano yung details and siya na mag eedit. Take note buong araw leg work ako, I’ll be moving from one place to another. Literal wala akong space sa brain ko to sit down and check everything in one go. Out of frustration sinabi ko na sa kanya, “im paying you more than my staff, considering na 1 project lang to, sila they handle more. Pero parang mas nahahassle ako if isspoonfeed pa lahat”
From his end, ayaw niya isend na di complete kasi daw para isang edit na lang. but for me, I didn’t have the luxury of time para maupuan yung lahat ng yun hence have been asking for work in progress to comment as needed.
In all fairness to him definitely a huge bulk ng project was his brain. Kaya nga I outsourced kasi brain drain na talaga ako. But what I was frustrated was the circumstances na instead na gumaan pakiramdam ko, it felt like I was catering to his needs. I guess na-hurt siya dun. And he was offended saying things like sinisiksik lang niya sarili niya, and na feeling niya nagiging charity lang etc. He dropped the project kasi di niya kaya magwork na sinabihan siya ng ganon. and ngayon more delay because I have to pull out a staff to finish the task na iniwan niya. Sobrang frustrated ako kahapon and sobrang pagod I tried finishing the task he left and felt like ang gago lang ng situation na I asked for help sa tao na need ng work, and in the end, ako pa yung napasama.
ABYG for being straightforward with how I felt with the situation?

Before we begin, I apologize in advance if this is long and rambly. Just trying to organize my thoughts and get some input from people who may have had similar experiences and/or are willing to read through my meandering bullshit.
I am a 25 year old EI with two years of experience who is currently unemployed. I started working with a mid-sized consulting company once I got my Bachelor's degree, brought on as an hourly employee in the geotechnical department while a full-time Master's student. I got my Master's in geoenvironmental engineering back in May, stuck around the company until December. Decided to take a break after leaving as one final hurrah in honor of being done with school, and am now starting the job hunt again.
There were a few different reasons I left my previous company, but one of the big ones is that I'm mainly interested in environmental work, and despite management saying they'd transfer me to a more environmentally-focused position, it never came to fruition. I wanted to try out geotechnical work because I really liked the geotech classes in uni, but I absolutely despised the work I was doing in geotech; field work was ok, but geotechnical reporting is absolutely soul-crushing. All that being said, the company I worked for also did environmental work, and I've had some low-level interaction with the department; realistically, it seems like it was just the same shit as geotechnical but with a different coat of paint. Somewhat interesting field work, followed by hours of templatized report writing and scraping the bottom of the barrel for billable hours.
Basically, I don't like geotech, and I'm worried that environmental engineering is going to be a lot of the same shit I didn't like about geotech, just under a different name and with different terms. I originally wanted to do remediation, but a lot of people I've talked to who did remediation absolutely fucking despised it. I've been looking at different jobs and subsets of engineering, and I really think something along the lines of coastal engineering would be something I'd love; the Army Corps of Civil Engineering specifically has some amazing sounding job openings, full of shit like stream and marsh restoration, jetty and coastal structure design, etc., but I really don't want to get my PE working in government, as that goes against everything I've ever been told in terms of career development. The big problem is, there are no private coastal opportunities in my city (somewhat expected, as I'm about four hours from the coast...), and I'm not planning on moving until I'm done paying my student loans.
One of the things that appeals to me with coastal engineering is that, I assume just from being a specialized market, the work looks a lot more in line with the shit I got into engineering for in the first place; design, modeling, that kind of thing. I don't want to be a project manager, I want to do technical and design work. Additionally, I want to work with water resources; this is one of the entire reasons I got into civil engineering. With that in mind, I've been looking into some local positions that I feel have some transferable skills, water resources type jobs, and it seems like nearly all of them are either stormwater or wastewater oriented, neither of which I'm particularly interested in. This is where I'm having some trouble trying to figure out what to do next.
I guess one of the big questions would be, would a job like this even exist? As in, a water resources oriented job that doesn't pertain to stormwater or wastewater? I've used a dozen different variations of searches on Indeed using keywords like modeling, water resources, water quality, etc., and it just gives me search results for wastewater work. Some examples of what I'd love to do are the things I did in my groundwater resources engineering and surface water quality modeling classes; in groundwater resources engineering, my final project included modeling the groundwater table for a local area based on well data. It was a little bit ago, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but another student used my model in his project and did something pertaining to contaminant transport in the groundwater. In surface water quality modeling, we did a lot of Simulink programming to model a large local watershed area. Is this kind of shit unique to academia, or can you score a job like this in consulting? If so, what are some companies I should be keeping an eye out on for job openings?

I’ve been at my job for 1 1/2 years I (F40) work closely with my coworker (M60) because we are a team and have to work closely together everyday. For the last few months this guy wants to always walk into work with me, sit in my office and talk to me, constantly talking to me in the middle of the day even more and more, he wants to go to lunch together and take breaks together and even walk to our cars after work together. It’s getting to be smothering and I was only trying to be nice and be his friend because I feel sorry for him. Other coworkers have also made comments about how he should marry me and it makes me even more uncomfortable because I feel that he’s getting the wrong idea. Im not trying to be mean here but the guy is missing several teeth and has green growth around what teeth are left, he doesn’t take care of himself at all. His breath makes me want to vomit. I tried befriending him because I feel sorry for him and wanted to be a nice person. But he’s smothering me and making me so uncomfortable. After talking to my fiancée about how to handle this situation we decided that I should park somewhere else at work so I can walk in alone. I did that today and it felt great until my coworker arrived at work. He walked into my office and says “what’s the matter?” I said “what do you mean nothings the matter” he then proceeded to say “so what you’re not going to park near me anymore?” I told I’m allowed to park where I want to and that I’m feeling uncomfortable that he’s always wanting to go to lunch and break together. His response scared me his eyes got so wide and the tone of his voice was agressive and desperate he says “I’m sorry I just had a bad weekend I’m sorry I’m sorry ok? Ok?” He just kept saying it over and over and over. It was in my office too and it scared me so much because I’ve never seen him act that way before. I was in an abusive relationship before so it bothers me even more so. I don’t think he took it well that I set some boundaries for my own wellbeing. But his response was not normal at all. It scared me but I’m scared to say anything to anyone because he’s well liked at work and I believe that he puts on a persona while there. I also noticed that after I said something he wasn’t communicating as he should regarding our job. This was the first the day I parked somewhere else and last week I didn’t feel like talking and he was questioning me about how he noticed I wasn’t as talkative. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking about the same shit he always complains about. I will add that he constantly complains about how unhappy he is with his wife and that he wants a motorcycle that he’s been wanting for years. If I’m being honest I have a gut feeling he makes things up and lies about half of what he says. I don’t question it I just have offered an ear to listen. But I feel guilty for setting boundaries but I tried dropping hints and he wasn’t reciprocating that. I have even left the building before he clocks out and I noticed he tries to catch me in the parking lot to talk to me. I can’t take it anymore it’s getting to be too much. But his response to me parking somewhere else for one day and telling him I can’t do lunch’s and breaks together anymore scares me. Am I wrong here? Why do I feel so guilty?

hey, i (f19) am really panicking and worried, so i'm sorry in advance if this is chaotic.
the whole relationship was an online discord relationship
we met in oct '23 and got together a month later 4 months later i slowly lost my feelings, i was going through a really tough time i talked to him, communicated and we thought that maybe some time would fix the problem... but it got worse and i had no romantical feelings for him left i figured that it might be better if we broke up, since staying in a relationship with someone who doesn't love love you anymore, is just unfair. he was going through a terrible time, he was really clingy and i tried to support and comfort him as much as i could. we kept calling and talking and texting, there were so many night where i just fell asleep on the call cuz i was so exhausted from crying and feeling so shit about everything
he claimed that i was his everything, his first and only love etc etc and i felt really bad and guilty...i feel like i had no other choice than breaking up and even distancing myself from him, because he kept repeating how it's all my fault and i just didnt feel ok anymore. i've never felt so shitty and bad in my life before.
well 2 months later, everything got worse. since i was single, i had more time to spend with my friends, and take care of the friendships that i neglected during the relationship. i played with friends, called with them, tried distracting myself from the mess. my ex didnt like that idea, he kept on saying i was cheating (which i cant even if I wanted to, since we werent together during that time), he kept saying im trying to replace him, that i started ignoring him etc etc he kept assuming things and believed them, none of his statements were true, but since he thought they are he hurt himself more and more with it and said that i'm the one hurting him. he kept on lashing out on me, got angry whenever i spent time with someone else and not him, threatened me and i was just scared. the anger he had made me so anxious, that i neither wanted to call nor play with him
a few days ago it was really terrible. i played with a friend again, just trying to have a good time and he stalked me and saw that i was playing. he texted me, spam called me over 60 times in total on 3 different apps and then he kept on assuming different things, insulted me, said terrible shitty things and i honestly just didnt reply at that point. i was hurt, didnt understand what my mistake was.
we didnt talk or text for a whole day since one of his messages were "dont ever text me again bitch" and i just didnt wanna message first after being disrespected like that
a day later he texted, saying he missed me and that he was mad and it's all his fault i told him how shit i felt that night, how anxious i was out of a sudden he felt really bad he said bad things about himself, said stuff like "its all my fault/i dont deserve love/i dont wanna live/i deserve death" i told him to stop saying things like that
a night later he felt really bad, he sounded weak in the voice messages he sent
then he put "its really high up here and i think about taking the last step" in his status
when i saw that i told him to come and calm down, he said it doesnt make sense anymore and told me to stay safe after that he went offline and didnt text again. this was 2 days ago.
yesterday a friend of ours texted me, saying that my ex said good bye to him and that he will end it
since then we both dont know where he is, what happened, no one knows and i'm just really worried and scared that he really did it my friend says he's trying to get attention, since it was a month online relationship and out of religious reasons.
is it my fault? did i do something wrong? can something happen to me? idk how to deal with this, if he really killwd himself... how will i know? im scared

I have an Adult Clipper Card that I loan out to house guests to use during their stays. In spite of the fact that the card shows "Autoload Off (expired)" in the Clipper App, on May 16, when I loaned it out, an $81 SF MUNI-Only Adult Pass was charged (Valid through Friday, May 31, 2024) on its first (and only) use. I thought I had successfully turned off the Fast Pass Auto load 5 years ago when I stopped using the pass and the app clearly stated that Autoload was off. I called Clipper to ask to have the Fast Pass reversed and a single ride charged for the one use, but they told me that they couldn't do that. I called the Credit Card company to dispute the charge and they cheerfully agreed, but the charge posted today anyway.
Is there any way to get this corrected? The Fast Pass notation on the Clipper App says that the pass is "Valid on first use" and "Pending Tag". If it is not tagged again before June 1, will the charge be reversed?
Any hint of an action will be appreciated.
PS. Next month, I'll try to transfer the remaining dollar balance to another card and cancel this card completely to prevent this from ever happening again. The Clipper rep said something about having to tag the card within six months of requesting a Fast Pass Cancellation to get the it to actually take effect, but that sounds idiotic.

Ok some context here.
I'm a dad to an 8yo boy. His mum and I never married and never really lived together for any meaningful amount of time (due to my work location at that time).
She terminated our first baby, even after making a grand announcement to her family that she was pregnant. Despite this, I stuck around and she got pregnant again a few months later. During that pregnancy, I just couldn't get close to her. I was gripped by fear that she would announce out of the blue, again, that she wasn't proceeding. I was ridiculed by her and her family, she even told me not to worry because legally in her country she wasn't allowed another termination so soon after the last one.
I ended our relationship at the end of 2018 (nobody else involved, I could just tell I wasn't appreciated, respected or wanted. I was 'convenient' to keep around from a financial perspective) when our Son was just over 3 and, despite my efforts to engage through mediation, she insisted we go through court as she wanted sole custody and a fat monthly pay-day and I wanted to be with my Son equally and, therefore, joint custody.
To add a little more context
We are from different countries (hers a non-english speaking one) yet I gave up my lucrative career and relocated here, integrated myself (studied the language, taught some English as a volunteer etc.) and went through the local family court system.
Eventually, the Judge ordered joint custody, which she immediately appealed against and, only at the day of the appeal when she was told she may lose the financial package I had been ordered to pay, did she withdraw her appeal.
Ever since then, almost 4 years, she has done nothing but try to make life intolerable. So many things I can't even begin to go into detail but, as an example, just yesterday I went to collect my Son at 3pm. He had a football match planned at 4.30pm and he was visibly upset because he wanted his mum to take him there. I took him for a walk and explained the way things are and he calmed down a bit. Then his mum appeared (she was basically hiding around the corner and eavesdropping on our 'man chat') and he got upset again. She went into this tirade about how I was frightening him and things like "look at our poor little boy, so afraid of you" blah blah blah. Then her Father joined in (they live in a multi-generation home as is common here) and the culmination of this was him spitting at me, in front of my Son (his Grandson) before he scuttled off back to his house.
Anyway, the questions I have are why do you women make this already difficult and complex situation worse? Have you got nothing better to do with your lives than scheme about how to f*&k over your ex? Are you really so bitter about not being wanted by a guy, for whatever reason, that the only focus you have is manipulating your kids and doing everything possible to turn them against their Father?
I know it's not always the case, and there are some real diamonds (all thanks to you, you are appreciated) who go out of their way to foster a collaborative and loving environment for the kids.
EDIT: Typos.