What to say during phone sex
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2008.03.12 23:51 Be you. - /r/Gay
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2008.01.25 07:51 Sex
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2024.05.21 15:39 JadedNeighborhood698 Boyfriend prefers AI porn over me
Looking for advice.
I (22M) have been in a relationship with my bf (23M) of almost 3 years. One year out of college and still together - it's truly been great, but of course, not perfect.
Important context - I am slim, Asian, and my bf is athletic, muscular, and white. Before me, he was very active on Grindr and is more sexually experienced than me. He would only h/u with guys who looked like him or had a very athletic build. This part of our relationship always made me feel a little self-conscious, since I am most definitely not that at all, but he's reassured me many times he loves me for all of me. I've also struggled my whole life with body image and self-esteem, which he knows. Took me a while to get over it, but I ended up believing him. Until I found out that he watches porn. A lot.
It's not the fact that he watches porn, but that it's interfering with our intimacy. He watches it while I'm at work, so by the time I get home and I want to have sex, he's not in the mood since he already got off earlier, which has happened multiple times. I've brought this up with him, and he reassured me that he will make more of an effort of placing more attention on me and only me. We talked about this last week. I felt better about us!
Then, a week later, as he was in the shower before our 3-year anniversary dinner, I found out that he has been using AI on his phone to generate naked images of men that don't look at all like me to get off. "25 year old hairy blond man with muscular build" is one of the images, and the others are very similar. I didn't say anything, nor have I yet about the AI images, but I feel very bad about myself. My boyfriend would rather look at AI images of men who don't look like me at all, than have sex or even watch some of the videos we've made together. He also still has not stopped watching regular porn - and you guessed it, the men look nothing like me.
I'm tired, I'm depressed, and I don't know what to do without seeming like I'm asking too much as a boyfriend.
Any advice?
submitted by JadedNeighborhood698 to askgaybros [link] [comments]
I (22M) have been in a relationship with my bf (23M) of almost 3 years. One year out of college and still together - it's truly been great, but of course, not perfect.
Important context - I am slim, Asian, and my bf is athletic, muscular, and white. Before me, he was very active on Grindr and is more sexually experienced than me. He would only h/u with guys who looked like him or had a very athletic build. This part of our relationship always made me feel a little self-conscious, since I am most definitely not that at all, but he's reassured me many times he loves me for all of me. I've also struggled my whole life with body image and self-esteem, which he knows. Took me a while to get over it, but I ended up believing him. Until I found out that he watches porn. A lot.
It's not the fact that he watches porn, but that it's interfering with our intimacy. He watches it while I'm at work, so by the time I get home and I want to have sex, he's not in the mood since he already got off earlier, which has happened multiple times. I've brought this up with him, and he reassured me that he will make more of an effort of placing more attention on me and only me. We talked about this last week. I felt better about us!
Then, a week later, as he was in the shower before our 3-year anniversary dinner, I found out that he has been using AI on his phone to generate naked images of men that don't look at all like me to get off. "25 year old hairy blond man with muscular build" is one of the images, and the others are very similar. I didn't say anything, nor have I yet about the AI images, but I feel very bad about myself. My boyfriend would rather look at AI images of men who don't look like me at all, than have sex or even watch some of the videos we've made together. He also still has not stopped watching regular porn - and you guessed it, the men look nothing like me.
I'm tired, I'm depressed, and I don't know what to do without seeming like I'm asking too much as a boyfriend.
Any advice?
2024.05.21 15:32 throwaway76324526 I hate working in groups
Throwaway cuz my friend from this project follows my reddit account
I know this is not the most revolutionary nor exciting topic to talk about but I'm just so angry about this particular project and I had to share the shitshow that it was. So I had a group presentation to do with my friend and 2 other people. We had a week to do it. I had a lot of stuff to do so I started working on the presentation 2 days before it was due (during the weekend). Ofc before that I communicated on our group chat about what part I was going to do and when. Only one person replied (not my friend) bc they started working earlier than me. I did the part I stated and asked if anything was needed of me. Nothing. Silence. Until the evening before the day the presentation is due. Thats where my friend and one other person decided that they want to do their work. Ok. Whatever. I dont care. Except suddenly the not-fiend decides that the whole presentation is wrong and we need to fix it right now. I got a bit salty and told her to just do the work thats not done yet not "fix" what me and the other not-friend did. They did so whatever. I reminded them that there were still 2 parts not done and my friend hasn't even read the msg in the group chat. I log off to do other stuff since I have a life outside of work and kind of a family emergency going on. I check my phone and see the group chat blowing up. I log on again and since no one is doing the missing parts I do one of them, causing me to have to miss some important stuff with my family. At this point like half of the presentation is my work. Whatever. I say yet again that there is one more section to do. I check the slides that my friend is doing. I see that the info is wrong so I DM them and tell them to fix that and say word for word what to write and kindly ask him to do the missing part. They reply all confused and tell me they havent even read the guide our teacher sent us. Im a bit mad at that point so I just tell him word for word what to fo AGAIN. At this point its almost midnight and so I go to sleep. So I go on to present the next day and what do I find. My friend didnt fix the parts that I told him. NOTHING. The teacher then went on to grill us about those parts and I ofc am the only one who knows how to reply to those questions and fix the mistakes. I go on a break and my frend proceeds to tell me that "they didnt know what I was talking about" and that "I should have just fixed it myself". It was as simple as using google. Besides I wanted someone else to do ANY work. WHAT WAS EVEN SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND FROM WHAT I SAID??? JUST WRITE IT! I TOLD YOU EXACTLY WHAT TO WRITE. I even found and linked a source for the exact point that needed to be done. I honestly feel like ripping someones head off. Ive lost so much time, sleep and missed an important event for THIS. ...
TLDR: I had extremly shitty group mates who wouldnt communicate and refused to listen to my advice nor do any research. Im never doing group work again.
submitted by throwaway76324526 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
I know this is not the most revolutionary nor exciting topic to talk about but I'm just so angry about this particular project and I had to share the shitshow that it was. So I had a group presentation to do with my friend and 2 other people. We had a week to do it. I had a lot of stuff to do so I started working on the presentation 2 days before it was due (during the weekend). Ofc before that I communicated on our group chat about what part I was going to do and when. Only one person replied (not my friend) bc they started working earlier than me. I did the part I stated and asked if anything was needed of me. Nothing. Silence. Until the evening before the day the presentation is due. Thats where my friend and one other person decided that they want to do their work. Ok. Whatever. I dont care. Except suddenly the not-fiend decides that the whole presentation is wrong and we need to fix it right now. I got a bit salty and told her to just do the work thats not done yet not "fix" what me and the other not-friend did. They did so whatever. I reminded them that there were still 2 parts not done and my friend hasn't even read the msg in the group chat. I log off to do other stuff since I have a life outside of work and kind of a family emergency going on. I check my phone and see the group chat blowing up. I log on again and since no one is doing the missing parts I do one of them, causing me to have to miss some important stuff with my family. At this point like half of the presentation is my work. Whatever. I say yet again that there is one more section to do. I check the slides that my friend is doing. I see that the info is wrong so I DM them and tell them to fix that and say word for word what to write and kindly ask him to do the missing part. They reply all confused and tell me they havent even read the guide our teacher sent us. Im a bit mad at that point so I just tell him word for word what to fo AGAIN. At this point its almost midnight and so I go to sleep. So I go on to present the next day and what do I find. My friend didnt fix the parts that I told him. NOTHING. The teacher then went on to grill us about those parts and I ofc am the only one who knows how to reply to those questions and fix the mistakes. I go on a break and my frend proceeds to tell me that "they didnt know what I was talking about" and that "I should have just fixed it myself". It was as simple as using google. Besides I wanted someone else to do ANY work. WHAT WAS EVEN SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND FROM WHAT I SAID??? JUST WRITE IT! I TOLD YOU EXACTLY WHAT TO WRITE. I even found and linked a source for the exact point that needed to be done. I honestly feel like ripping someones head off. Ive lost so much time, sleep and missed an important event for THIS. ...
TLDR: I had extremly shitty group mates who wouldnt communicate and refused to listen to my advice nor do any research. Im never doing group work again.
2024.05.21 15:30 idahhan 1 Week in Peru (May 2024)
 | Trip Report in May: Lima, Cusco, Pisac, Machu Picchu submitted by idahhan to travel [link] [comments]
Booking Machu Picchu site tickets
To arrive to Machu Picchu from Cusco you need to:
What time is best to visit Machu Picchu
Overall, it was an amazing trip. Next time, I would stay for two weeks and follow the EyeWitness: Peru travel book's two-week itinerary. I would also definitely do the Salkantay hike. |
2024.05.21 15:28 ItIsMagick I am close to finishing my bachelor's and lost motivation
A little bit of background. I (23 M) am currently enrolled in Uni and I am in my final year. The university was alright. I had some trouble mid way where I had to take 12 courses. On top of that I had to take care of my dad during that time. He had a neuro degenerative disease that targeted his moto neurons. He was fine all his life. Then he turned 50 and boom. He couldn't do anything apart from talking because his brain was damaged. So when I had my finals I had to watch him die. Naturally I still somehow aced all of the exams except one. It is kinda crazy how a human can handle stress. I had a GF of 3 years during this hard time. Seeing my dad in such a rough spot in life made her have a mental breakdown. So I had to take care of her too. Because of that I felt left alone. I was taking care of everyone but me. Due to her being incapable of helping me in any way I lost interest. I tried to get in good shape and somewhat succeeded. Our relationship suffered because of me taking care of myself. It hurt me really bad when I realized what I actually did to my then GF. I became more and more distant. We haven't had sex (our sex life was in a bad spot already... Like once every 4 months or sth like that).
So I managed to get myself in a better spot while still helping my now ex academically. Here I am now. Writing those words after my breakup. I pushed through all of those u fortunate turn of events and I am now writing my bachelor's. Or I at least try. I am feeling pretty good in the last few months. But still when it comes to writing my thesis it is like having a heavy fogg in my brain that prevents me from achieving anything. I have to say that this is pretty much the easiest time I have ever had during university. I don't work, I don't attend classes, I fo out a lot and see my friends every day. But still I am not in a good mental state for academic research of any kind. I should be in the best spot to do anything I want but I cant. I just can't.
Does anyone have/had a similar experience? If yes how did you overcome this heavy sensation?
TL;DR: I had many stepping stones during uni, overcome those but now on the verge of finishing my degree I mentally CAN'T finish my thesis.
submitted by ItIsMagick to stories [link] [comments]
So I managed to get myself in a better spot while still helping my now ex academically. Here I am now. Writing those words after my breakup. I pushed through all of those u fortunate turn of events and I am now writing my bachelor's. Or I at least try. I am feeling pretty good in the last few months. But still when it comes to writing my thesis it is like having a heavy fogg in my brain that prevents me from achieving anything. I have to say that this is pretty much the easiest time I have ever had during university. I don't work, I don't attend classes, I fo out a lot and see my friends every day. But still I am not in a good mental state for academic research of any kind. I should be in the best spot to do anything I want but I cant. I just can't.
Does anyone have/had a similar experience? If yes how did you overcome this heavy sensation?
TL;DR: I had many stepping stones during uni, overcome those but now on the verge of finishing my degree I mentally CAN'T finish my thesis.
2024.05.21 15:25 r1s3upneon Myself (35M) needs help getting out of an abusive marriage with my wife (32F). How do I get out without to much insanity?
Me and my wife are both in our mid 30's and have been married 4 years with 2 children under the ages of 7. I love my family but my wife's drinking and narcissistic behavior has driven me to my breaking point. A few weeks ago she went to run some errands and came back like 5 hours later completely drunk and her car was wrecked. Now, this is the 3rd time this same thing has happened. Except on this day we had a school function to attend and our kids were being dropped off with grandparents to be watched for the night. When I told her she was to drunk to drive the kids to where they needed to go, she went ballistic. The typical screaming, throwing stuff, and literally pulling her hair out, so as I usually do when this happens, I start to record for my own safety. She saw I had been recording and at that moment she attacked me. She was genuinely trying to hurt me, I could see the hatred in her eyes. (This is the 4th physical assault Ive dealt with by now with her). Mind you, the children are watching her do all of this and they are screaming at me to stop defending myself but I can't just leave because I'm afraid she might try to drive them drunk as she had already put them in the car once and I had to remove them. The whole time she's screaming this is what your daddy does to US because he doesn't care about US and all sorts of other absolutely ridiculous, shameful things that are just lies to manipulate the children into thinking somehow daddy is the bad guy. I finally get the kids to where they need to go and I go to my office to gather my thoughts. During that time she called my phone 140 times just to yell at me and then hang up. At about 10 pm she says she's leaving to stay at her dad's so I come home. I'm asleep when she comes back in the middle of the night. So she wakes me up slamming doors and screaming profanities at 4 a.m. and begins the ordeal once again. I have video evidence of everything that happened, including video evidence from 2 other events where I was assaulted in front of the kids. I have been contemplating leaving for a little while now but I hate the thought of losing my family because I know how hard that can be on kids and I also don't want to miss those special moments.. but I can't keep letting them go though this at the same time. I've tried to talk on my wife about counseling, she is vehemently against that because she is diagnosed bipolar but refuses to take medication because she can't drink if she's on her meds.. She has also told me multiple times that she would kill herself if we broke up and it sort of make me feels like a captive in this relationship. Anytime I bring up the fact that I'm incredibly unhappy and want talk about our most recent incident, she just says, I don't want a fight, I just want a good night. But these conversations that aren't taking place aren't allowing me personally to move on or feel better about the future. She would typically be drinking about 2 bottles of Jameson a week and since the last fight she hasn't brought any home, although I know she's stopped at the bar. But the issue now is that she's treating me with such disdain and disrespect simply because I have told her and tried to show how mean she gets when she's drunk. Like I took something away from her and now she passive aggressively takes it out on me at any point. I never thought I'd be here asking reddit for advice but here I am. What kind of lawyer do I need to show these videos to? How do I make the breakaway when our lives are intricately linked? I am afraid of what would happen if I told her face to face that I want a divorce. I make good money and I pay almost all of the bills, I pay rent, I pay for groceries and any fun stuff we do on the weekends or vacation and she keeps one of my credit cards to use and i just pay it off every month. If I leave she can't afford to live on her own so it's not like I can just find a different apartment and move all the utilities and just tell her good luck. I don't know, it's all a whirlwind and any help would be greatly appreciated!
submitted by r1s3upneon to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.21 15:25 utopian_potential DFV Meme'd us his story: here is my interpretation of it - Pt 1/7
2024.05.21 15:21 unavngiven My mom died... [Very long post]
This is my first reddit post, although I have been a long time lurker of many subreddits. I am 23 years old and an only child. I am not a native english speaker, so please forgive any weird formatting or any spelling/grammar mistakes.
As the title states, my mom died ... and I am currently writing this to try and process this whole situation. I've tried to section all the paragraphs in chronological order, to make reading easier. Sorry for the extremely long post - I just needed to get it all out.
We only just celebrated her 60th birthday back in february. She did all the cooking, cleaning and planning without any trouble - even down to picking out the perfect napkins and flowers for her white and gold theme.
My mother was without a job. She had been jobless for almost 2 years now, after she was fired from her old cleaning job due to frequent sick days because of stomach cramps and pain. She was seen by a doctor back in 2022 for her stomach aches, and they found no physical cause - hence why we concluded it must've been due to stress. The stress and stomach pains subsided after she'd been fired. So we thought no more of it.
In march she was doing a 4-week internship in a local supermarket to see if she might've been a good fit for a permanent paid position. This is common practice for unemployeed people here in Denmark.
My mother started having stomach pains again during this internship, soon followed by back pains as well. She figured this was due to her spending most of the day sitting as a cashier in an uncomfortable position. My mother wasn't very tall, so she had trouble reaching the floor pedals that control the cashier conveyer belt.
In the beginning of april, she went to the doctor. Her stomach and back pains hadn't gone away although the internship was over. Her doctor also concluded it was most likely due to her uncomfortable working position, and that it would pass in a few weeks time. The doctor did some bloodwork, and found that she was severely lacking vitamin D, but nothing else seemed concerning at the time.
In the middle of april, her pains had only gotten worse, and she went to the doctor again. Her doctor did more bloodwork, and did a phisycal exam of my mothers stomach. Her doctor ordered a CT scan to check for anything serious.
19th of april. I accompany my mother to the hospital for her CT scan. We get told that we'll have the results in a week or so. My mother is not looking good when I pick her up at the bus station. She is more pale than usual, and has trouble walking at her usual pace.
23th of april. My mother received a referral to a meeting at the hospital with a doctor and nurse, to discuss the results of the CT scan. This referral is sent from the hospitals cancer department. My mother and I speak on the phone, she is concerned, but I tell her that this type of referral must just be standard pratice, and that she shouldn't worry untill we have spoken with the doctor. I cried that night.
25th of april. The day before her meeting with the doctor, I received a phone call from my mother. She tells me that she had fallen while at home, but that I shouldn't worry. I, of course, worry.
I pack my things and leave for my mothers house, I live an hour away by bus. When I finally arrive my mother seems okay-ish, but the house is another story. My mother is normally known for being a clean freak, and her house has always been clean and organized, But it wasn't anymore.
Her kitchen was a mess, and the dishwasher hadn't been empited or loaded for at least two weeks. Her bathroom is even worse, and I won't even begin to describe the state of the toilet it self. It is a sight that will horrify me for the rest of my life. I cleaned everything, while my mother rested.
My mother had also started sleeping on the guest bed, saying her own was too uncomfortable for her.
While cleaning the bathroom, my mother wakes up. Despite her state, she says she wants to help. But before I can even tell her no, my mother has another fall. Her legs essentially just crumble beneath her, and she falls backwards and lands head first on the floor. We argue back and forth about calling an ambulance, but she refuses to let me - so I don't, even though I should have. I guess I still respected my moms authority too much.
My mother lives alone, as my parents are divorced (they are very good friends though). My mother refuses to let me call my dad and tell him about this whole situation. She is stubborn and too proud to admit defeat.
26th of april. We take a taxi to the hospital. The taxi driver has a help my mother into the car. During the carride my mother says very little, but seems slightly delirious and very tired. When we arrive at the hospital, I quickly borrow a hospital wheelchair for my mother. She is almost unable to walk unassisted at this point.
After waiting for a while in the waiting area, a nurse comes and guides us to a meeting room. My mother is very tired at this point, and still delirious, and I have to handle most of the conversation with the doctor.
The CT scan results showed Pancreatic cancer. The cancer had already spread to her liver and abdomial cavity.
I had read about this cancer a few days prior, trying to figure out what was wrong with my mother. I knew what this meant, and I knew that it was effectively a death sentence. The doctor told us that an operation was out of the question, since the cancer had already spread. And due to the clearly weak state of my mothers health, chemo would also not be offered, as it would finish her.
I told the doctor of her two falls and the state of her home, and that she would not be safe on her own. The doctor had her admitted to a nearby bed department for stomach- and gastrointestinal surgery patients.
The hospital did a ton of bloodwork on my mother when she got admitted, and everything was off. All numbers were either too high or dangerously low. My mothers health was in fact so bad, that I was told she was a heart attack risk. I was also told that if a heart attack happened, she would not be brought back - as it would only prolong a very short and painful life.
I called my dad.
27th of april. My mother slept most of the day.
28th of april. My mother had another fall during the night, trying to get to the bathroom.
29th of april. My dad shows up to the hospital. He wasn't able to get off work until now, as he works in the other end of the country. He is shocked to see my mother in this state. We are told once again by a different doctor that nothing can be done. They are looking into getting her a spot at a nearby hospice.
The rest of the remaining week is spent in hospital. My dad and I are by my mothers side every day. She doesn't leave her hospital room, apart from a few times a day for a smoke break outside. My dad and I take her outside in a wheelchair, which she needs help to get in and out of.
Her bloodwork is showing some slight improvements, but she is still having trouble with infections and receives a lot of antibiotics. She eats like a mouse, but drinks a lot of fluids.
My mother is often very confused or tired most days. She gets referred for an MR scan, to see if the cancer has spread to her brain, or if one of her falls has caused permanent damage. Lucikly the MR scan shows that nothing is wrong with her brain.
She gets confused about her diagnosis a few times, thinking that she had brain cancer instead due to the MR scan. I have to remind her a couple times about what the doctor actually said.
6th of may. My mother seems to have stabilized somewhat so my dad has gone back to work.
7th of may. I get told by the hospital staff that my mother is to be transferred to a different hospital, which is one hour away. I become very upset by this news, and unfortunately yell at one of my mothers nurses in frustration. I yell at her that It'll be harder for me to get to my mother in time if something were to happen. I am ashamed of this childish behavior, as the transfer was the best desicion for my mother in hindsight.
I leave with my mother as we get transferred to the new hospital and their department of palliative care.
I am very ashamed by my behavior to my mothers old nurse, as this department for palliative care was truly the best place for my mother. She seemed very satisfied and happy to have been transferred. They have a large garden with wild flowers, and lovely staff. And my mother got a much bigger room all to herself. She also meets with their physical therapist, who helps my mother relieve some of her pain.
My mother and I have dinner together in the evening in her hospital room. My mom is her old self, although with some delayed speaking. I unfortunately have to rush a bit when leaving, as to not miss my bus home, so I quickly say goodbye to her and leave.
8th of may. In the morning on my way to the new hospital, I received a phone call from her new doctor. My mothers liver has suddenly started to fail due to the cancer. When I arrive, she is asleep. I am told she wont wake up again.
I called my dad, but he wont arrive until the evening, due to the distance from his workplace.
I spend most of the day in my mothers hospital room, listening to her sleep. She occasionally attempts to cough in her sleep, but it mainly just sounds like yells. It is terrifying. The nurses give her pain medication and some sleep medication to help her body relax.
My dad arrives in the late evening. We drive to my mothers house and stay the night there. We spend most of the late evening looking at pictures and scrapbooks of my mother, and packing a bag with clothes for her, for when she passes.
When prepareing the guest bed for my dad, we find a blanket that my mother slept on. It is stained, matching the previous state of the bathroom. We throw the blanket out.
9th of may. Mom is sleeping. Dad and I spend the day at the hospital, but we don't sit in her hospital room. It is too eerie and uncomfortable. We check on her occassionally. Towards the evening, her breathing becomes slightly more rapid and quick. But the nurses tell us to go home. There is no reason for us to sit by her side during the night - as it'll only make it worse for us.
10th of may. I wake at 6.12 am to my phone ringing. It is a nurse. My mother has passed away in her sleep at 6.05 that morning due to liver failure. My dad and I drive to the hospital. I am the first to see her body after the nurses prepared and dressed it in the clothing we picked.
(warning: the following paragraph may be slightly upsetting to some readers)
It it eerie and uncomfortable to see my mother like this. A symptom of pancreatic and liver cancers is that your skin will yellow. Something that I hadn't noticed in my mother till now. I cant help but think that she looks like a wax doll, although I feel horrible for thinking it. I finally touch her hand, after gathering the courage to, almost like I am afraid to distrub her. Her hands are cold, and only get colder as I sit by her side. I am supposed to say my goodbyes to her, and tell her how much she means to me, but in this moment I am speechless. I can't say anything, even on my mothers deathbed. I feels wrong to speak to a corpse. I should've said those things while she could hear them instead. I kiss her forehead before I leave the room.
17th of may. Funeral. The church and casket was beautifully decorated with colorful flowers, like my mother had requested. She didn't want anything white or depressing. I cried all the way through the funeral service, stopping only when it was time to carry the casket out. My dad on the left side, and me on the right, and some other family members behind us. Purple rain by Prince was played on the church piano as we carried the casket. I knew the casket would be heavy, but nothing prepared me for the sheer weight of that thing.
21th of may. Today. I don't really know what to think of my mothers death. Some days I almost forget that shes gone or that all this has been happening, until something reminds me of it.
In a way, I am thankful. Of course I didn't want my mother to die, but I'm glad that her suffering wasn't prolonged for months while she slowly withered away to cancer. And I'm thankful that my mother didn't live to suffer from alzheimers, like her own mother. And I am glad that if anything, my mothers death has brought my dad and I closer.
But at the same time, I am angry that she didn't get to live more of her life. She was only 60 years old, and should have had 20 more years at least. If she at least was 70, it might've been easier to lose her but I doubt it.
I think mostly of all the things she will miss out on, which saddens me the most. I am 23 and my mother wont get to see most of my life or my achivements. If I have kids, she'll never meet them, and she I get married, she'll never see it. My 24th birthday is coming up soon, and I don't know how I'll handle that day without my mother for the first time - or christmas for that matter.
I want my mom.
submitted by unavngiven to GriefSupport [link] [comments]
As the title states, my mom died ... and I am currently writing this to try and process this whole situation. I've tried to section all the paragraphs in chronological order, to make reading easier. Sorry for the extremely long post - I just needed to get it all out.
We only just celebrated her 60th birthday back in february. She did all the cooking, cleaning and planning without any trouble - even down to picking out the perfect napkins and flowers for her white and gold theme.
My mother was without a job. She had been jobless for almost 2 years now, after she was fired from her old cleaning job due to frequent sick days because of stomach cramps and pain. She was seen by a doctor back in 2022 for her stomach aches, and they found no physical cause - hence why we concluded it must've been due to stress. The stress and stomach pains subsided after she'd been fired. So we thought no more of it.
In march she was doing a 4-week internship in a local supermarket to see if she might've been a good fit for a permanent paid position. This is common practice for unemployeed people here in Denmark.
My mother started having stomach pains again during this internship, soon followed by back pains as well. She figured this was due to her spending most of the day sitting as a cashier in an uncomfortable position. My mother wasn't very tall, so she had trouble reaching the floor pedals that control the cashier conveyer belt.
In the beginning of april, she went to the doctor. Her stomach and back pains hadn't gone away although the internship was over. Her doctor also concluded it was most likely due to her uncomfortable working position, and that it would pass in a few weeks time. The doctor did some bloodwork, and found that she was severely lacking vitamin D, but nothing else seemed concerning at the time.
In the middle of april, her pains had only gotten worse, and she went to the doctor again. Her doctor did more bloodwork, and did a phisycal exam of my mothers stomach. Her doctor ordered a CT scan to check for anything serious.
19th of april. I accompany my mother to the hospital for her CT scan. We get told that we'll have the results in a week or so. My mother is not looking good when I pick her up at the bus station. She is more pale than usual, and has trouble walking at her usual pace.
23th of april. My mother received a referral to a meeting at the hospital with a doctor and nurse, to discuss the results of the CT scan. This referral is sent from the hospitals cancer department. My mother and I speak on the phone, she is concerned, but I tell her that this type of referral must just be standard pratice, and that she shouldn't worry untill we have spoken with the doctor. I cried that night.
25th of april. The day before her meeting with the doctor, I received a phone call from my mother. She tells me that she had fallen while at home, but that I shouldn't worry. I, of course, worry.
I pack my things and leave for my mothers house, I live an hour away by bus. When I finally arrive my mother seems okay-ish, but the house is another story. My mother is normally known for being a clean freak, and her house has always been clean and organized, But it wasn't anymore.
Her kitchen was a mess, and the dishwasher hadn't been empited or loaded for at least two weeks. Her bathroom is even worse, and I won't even begin to describe the state of the toilet it self. It is a sight that will horrify me for the rest of my life. I cleaned everything, while my mother rested.
My mother had also started sleeping on the guest bed, saying her own was too uncomfortable for her.
While cleaning the bathroom, my mother wakes up. Despite her state, she says she wants to help. But before I can even tell her no, my mother has another fall. Her legs essentially just crumble beneath her, and she falls backwards and lands head first on the floor. We argue back and forth about calling an ambulance, but she refuses to let me - so I don't, even though I should have. I guess I still respected my moms authority too much.
My mother lives alone, as my parents are divorced (they are very good friends though). My mother refuses to let me call my dad and tell him about this whole situation. She is stubborn and too proud to admit defeat.
26th of april. We take a taxi to the hospital. The taxi driver has a help my mother into the car. During the carride my mother says very little, but seems slightly delirious and very tired. When we arrive at the hospital, I quickly borrow a hospital wheelchair for my mother. She is almost unable to walk unassisted at this point.
After waiting for a while in the waiting area, a nurse comes and guides us to a meeting room. My mother is very tired at this point, and still delirious, and I have to handle most of the conversation with the doctor.
The CT scan results showed Pancreatic cancer. The cancer had already spread to her liver and abdomial cavity.
I had read about this cancer a few days prior, trying to figure out what was wrong with my mother. I knew what this meant, and I knew that it was effectively a death sentence. The doctor told us that an operation was out of the question, since the cancer had already spread. And due to the clearly weak state of my mothers health, chemo would also not be offered, as it would finish her.
I told the doctor of her two falls and the state of her home, and that she would not be safe on her own. The doctor had her admitted to a nearby bed department for stomach- and gastrointestinal surgery patients.
The hospital did a ton of bloodwork on my mother when she got admitted, and everything was off. All numbers were either too high or dangerously low. My mothers health was in fact so bad, that I was told she was a heart attack risk. I was also told that if a heart attack happened, she would not be brought back - as it would only prolong a very short and painful life.
I called my dad.
27th of april. My mother slept most of the day.
28th of april. My mother had another fall during the night, trying to get to the bathroom.
29th of april. My dad shows up to the hospital. He wasn't able to get off work until now, as he works in the other end of the country. He is shocked to see my mother in this state. We are told once again by a different doctor that nothing can be done. They are looking into getting her a spot at a nearby hospice.
The rest of the remaining week is spent in hospital. My dad and I are by my mothers side every day. She doesn't leave her hospital room, apart from a few times a day for a smoke break outside. My dad and I take her outside in a wheelchair, which she needs help to get in and out of.
Her bloodwork is showing some slight improvements, but she is still having trouble with infections and receives a lot of antibiotics. She eats like a mouse, but drinks a lot of fluids.
My mother is often very confused or tired most days. She gets referred for an MR scan, to see if the cancer has spread to her brain, or if one of her falls has caused permanent damage. Lucikly the MR scan shows that nothing is wrong with her brain.
She gets confused about her diagnosis a few times, thinking that she had brain cancer instead due to the MR scan. I have to remind her a couple times about what the doctor actually said.
6th of may. My mother seems to have stabilized somewhat so my dad has gone back to work.
7th of may. I get told by the hospital staff that my mother is to be transferred to a different hospital, which is one hour away. I become very upset by this news, and unfortunately yell at one of my mothers nurses in frustration. I yell at her that It'll be harder for me to get to my mother in time if something were to happen. I am ashamed of this childish behavior, as the transfer was the best desicion for my mother in hindsight.
I leave with my mother as we get transferred to the new hospital and their department of palliative care.
I am very ashamed by my behavior to my mothers old nurse, as this department for palliative care was truly the best place for my mother. She seemed very satisfied and happy to have been transferred. They have a large garden with wild flowers, and lovely staff. And my mother got a much bigger room all to herself. She also meets with their physical therapist, who helps my mother relieve some of her pain.
My mother and I have dinner together in the evening in her hospital room. My mom is her old self, although with some delayed speaking. I unfortunately have to rush a bit when leaving, as to not miss my bus home, so I quickly say goodbye to her and leave.
8th of may. In the morning on my way to the new hospital, I received a phone call from her new doctor. My mothers liver has suddenly started to fail due to the cancer. When I arrive, she is asleep. I am told she wont wake up again.
I called my dad, but he wont arrive until the evening, due to the distance from his workplace.
I spend most of the day in my mothers hospital room, listening to her sleep. She occasionally attempts to cough in her sleep, but it mainly just sounds like yells. It is terrifying. The nurses give her pain medication and some sleep medication to help her body relax.
My dad arrives in the late evening. We drive to my mothers house and stay the night there. We spend most of the late evening looking at pictures and scrapbooks of my mother, and packing a bag with clothes for her, for when she passes.
When prepareing the guest bed for my dad, we find a blanket that my mother slept on. It is stained, matching the previous state of the bathroom. We throw the blanket out.
9th of may. Mom is sleeping. Dad and I spend the day at the hospital, but we don't sit in her hospital room. It is too eerie and uncomfortable. We check on her occassionally. Towards the evening, her breathing becomes slightly more rapid and quick. But the nurses tell us to go home. There is no reason for us to sit by her side during the night - as it'll only make it worse for us.
10th of may. I wake at 6.12 am to my phone ringing. It is a nurse. My mother has passed away in her sleep at 6.05 that morning due to liver failure. My dad and I drive to the hospital. I am the first to see her body after the nurses prepared and dressed it in the clothing we picked.
(warning: the following paragraph may be slightly upsetting to some readers)
It it eerie and uncomfortable to see my mother like this. A symptom of pancreatic and liver cancers is that your skin will yellow. Something that I hadn't noticed in my mother till now. I cant help but think that she looks like a wax doll, although I feel horrible for thinking it. I finally touch her hand, after gathering the courage to, almost like I am afraid to distrub her. Her hands are cold, and only get colder as I sit by her side. I am supposed to say my goodbyes to her, and tell her how much she means to me, but in this moment I am speechless. I can't say anything, even on my mothers deathbed. I feels wrong to speak to a corpse. I should've said those things while she could hear them instead. I kiss her forehead before I leave the room.
17th of may. Funeral. The church and casket was beautifully decorated with colorful flowers, like my mother had requested. She didn't want anything white or depressing. I cried all the way through the funeral service, stopping only when it was time to carry the casket out. My dad on the left side, and me on the right, and some other family members behind us. Purple rain by Prince was played on the church piano as we carried the casket. I knew the casket would be heavy, but nothing prepared me for the sheer weight of that thing.
21th of may. Today. I don't really know what to think of my mothers death. Some days I almost forget that shes gone or that all this has been happening, until something reminds me of it.
In a way, I am thankful. Of course I didn't want my mother to die, but I'm glad that her suffering wasn't prolonged for months while she slowly withered away to cancer. And I'm thankful that my mother didn't live to suffer from alzheimers, like her own mother. And I am glad that if anything, my mothers death has brought my dad and I closer.
But at the same time, I am angry that she didn't get to live more of her life. She was only 60 years old, and should have had 20 more years at least. If she at least was 70, it might've been easier to lose her but I doubt it.
I think mostly of all the things she will miss out on, which saddens me the most. I am 23 and my mother wont get to see most of my life or my achivements. If I have kids, she'll never meet them, and she I get married, she'll never see it. My 24th birthday is coming up soon, and I don't know how I'll handle that day without my mother for the first time - or christmas for that matter.
I want my mom.
2024.05.21 15:11 legitfunwriting [M4F] Congratulations Space Colonist! You Have Been Matched with a Mate!
The twin suns of the alien planet were high in the sky outside your window. Birds with four wings chirped and flitted between shoulder high blades of purple grass. Outside your kitchen window a brook babbled quietly between enormous trees twice the size of the giant sequoias of Earth. In the distance you could hear a few of your fellow colonists chatting cheerily. The BUZZ of your communicator interrupted the moment. It read:
Aboard the colonial transport starship, Ares, Paul and a few hundred other male colonists had woken from cryosleep just a few weeks ago. It had taken Paul a few days to adjust, but the anti-atrophy system that had been developed a few years ago was really working wonders. He felt stronger than ever. He was playing Spaceball with his friends in the gym when he got the notification.
"Here! Pass!" His friend Tom shouted. Paul threw him the ball. Tom dodged by one opponent, turned as he was blocked by another, and then through the ball back to Paul who was now in full sprint. Paul caught the ball in midair and immediately threw it at full speed toward the goal. The BUZZ of the goal sounded almost at the same time as Paul's communicator. Paul wiped sweat from his forehead as he high fived Tom and looked down at his communicator. His heart skipped three beats. He had been matched. His heart pounded more and more as he read your profile. His jaw visibly dropped when he got to your photo.
"Hey man! What's up?" Mark, another friend, walked up to Paul and clapped him on the back as he looked over Paul's shoulder. He immediate saw what was 'up' and he let out a dramatic. "Damn... son! Good for you!"
The rest of the guys ran up to peep over Paul's shoulder. Various comments filtered through. "She is fucking gorgeous," "Holy fucking shit dude," and "You lucky bastard," were some of them.
Finally the guys got back to the game, but Paul's mind never left the profile on his phone or the photo. His head was in the clouds and amongst the stars the rest of the day as he showered after the game, ate dinner, and worked half-heartedly on his usually consuming research.
Paul and the other three guys that he shared quarters with finally went to bed. He took one more glance at your profile as the lights went out and he tucked himself into his twin-sized bunk cut out from the wall. He drifted off peacefully to sleep to the gentle hum of the engines. He dreamed of the woman in his match message, his future mate. At around 2:00 a.m., the bulge between his legs swelled as he dreamed. The soft fabric of his pajama pants shifted and rose, and rose, and rose... Soon his bedsheets were a mountain in the darkness of the bed quarters. And Paul dreamed even more vividly of his mate. The bulging mountain tensed and shuddered visibly. And then again. And again even more powerfully. A moment later, wetness soaked his pajama bottoms and then the bedsheets over them. The wetness flowed and spread. More, and more and more, until it oozed to cover a large portion of the lower half of the bed. As it finished, the outline of a raging hard penis was clearly shown by the soaked bedsheet and pajamas that clung to it so tightly the thick veins would have been visible if there were a little more light in the dark room. Paul simply smiled in his sleep and rolled over. He would have to change, shower, and wash his sheets in the morning. He would also have to endure some playful teasing from his roommates. But Paul was the happiest man in the universe.
Two weeks later.
It was another beautiful day on the alien planet. It was the day Paul and the other male passengers of the Ares arrived. Paul waved goodbye to his friends as he followed the map on his datapad to your home. He passed an elk like creature with antlers almost the size of its body that was grazing between the huge trees. Paul's jaw almost never left the grown as his eyes passed from one alien wonder to the next. Finally he arrived outside your front door, his heart racing. He knocked twice. His deep voice followed. "Hello. It's Paul, Paul Stevens."
Hello! I thought it would be fun to set a smutty, romantic romp on an alien world.
I was also toying with the idea of our characters being somehow genetically enhanced to make them sexy as fuck, which explains Paul's absurd statistics early in the prompt. I am happy to discuss that though. Perhaps they are just hot from centuries of natural selection. Perhaps they were engineered from birth to be perfect space colonists, or perhaps they were given genetic treatment while in cryostasis on the journey, or we can totally ignore the issue and just have them be hot for hotness sake! I do like the idea of our characters being very attractive though. I also have to say I am a HUGE fan of big boobs and big booties.
I know I wrote your part in second person, and mine in third person. I am happy to write my character in either first or third person. I am also happy to write the parts of third party characters that flit in and out of our story, and I would be happy if you also share the burden!
Another idea that might be fun to explore is if additional "mates" are added to our "family" at some point. Not sure on this, happy to hear your thoughts if you are interested.
Some other kinks and interests that may work for the story: detailed writing, creative writing partners, fit characters, big tits, big butts, big cock, lots of cum, passionate fucking, outdoor sex, group sex (when it fits the story), voyeurism, exhibitionism, playful competition and comparison, and I am sure much more!
Limits: noncon, violence, poop, animals, underage, anything else gross or illegal.
Let me know your ideas, or feel free to just jump write in where I left off and answer the door!
I prefer to write by PM, by chat and discord also work. Hope to hear from you soon!
submitted by legitfunwriting to u/legitfunwriting [link] [comments]
Congratulations! The Colonial Supercomputer has located a suitable mate for you. He will arrive in fourteen (14) standard days. His information is as follows:
| Category | Specifications |
|---|---|
| Name | Dr. Paul Stevens |
| Age | 29 |
| Education | PhDs in Astronomy, Astrometrics, and Physics |
| Height | 6'6 |
| Weight | 195 |
| Flaccid Length | 6.9'' |
| Average Seminal Emission (Volume) | testing error |
| Average Seminal Emission (Frequency) | 3.2 Per Standard Rotation |
Paul enjoys nature, good food, a good book, and everything to do with the stars. Please prepare for your mate's arrival. Contact the Colonial Authority if you have any questions.A picture of a ruggedly handsome man with wavy, dirty blond hair, green eyes, and just a bit of stubble followed the message. His eyes were warm and friendly, as was his soft smile.
"Here! Pass!" His friend Tom shouted. Paul threw him the ball. Tom dodged by one opponent, turned as he was blocked by another, and then through the ball back to Paul who was now in full sprint. Paul caught the ball in midair and immediately threw it at full speed toward the goal. The BUZZ of the goal sounded almost at the same time as Paul's communicator. Paul wiped sweat from his forehead as he high fived Tom and looked down at his communicator. His heart skipped three beats. He had been matched. His heart pounded more and more as he read your profile. His jaw visibly dropped when he got to your photo.
"Hey man! What's up?" Mark, another friend, walked up to Paul and clapped him on the back as he looked over Paul's shoulder. He immediate saw what was 'up' and he let out a dramatic. "Damn... son! Good for you!"
The rest of the guys ran up to peep over Paul's shoulder. Various comments filtered through. "She is fucking gorgeous," "Holy fucking shit dude," and "You lucky bastard," were some of them.
Finally the guys got back to the game, but Paul's mind never left the profile on his phone or the photo. His head was in the clouds and amongst the stars the rest of the day as he showered after the game, ate dinner, and worked half-heartedly on his usually consuming research.
Paul and the other three guys that he shared quarters with finally went to bed. He took one more glance at your profile as the lights went out and he tucked himself into his twin-sized bunk cut out from the wall. He drifted off peacefully to sleep to the gentle hum of the engines. He dreamed of the woman in his match message, his future mate. At around 2:00 a.m., the bulge between his legs swelled as he dreamed. The soft fabric of his pajama pants shifted and rose, and rose, and rose... Soon his bedsheets were a mountain in the darkness of the bed quarters. And Paul dreamed even more vividly of his mate. The bulging mountain tensed and shuddered visibly. And then again. And again even more powerfully. A moment later, wetness soaked his pajama bottoms and then the bedsheets over them. The wetness flowed and spread. More, and more and more, until it oozed to cover a large portion of the lower half of the bed. As it finished, the outline of a raging hard penis was clearly shown by the soaked bedsheet and pajamas that clung to it so tightly the thick veins would have been visible if there were a little more light in the dark room. Paul simply smiled in his sleep and rolled over. He would have to change, shower, and wash his sheets in the morning. He would also have to endure some playful teasing from his roommates. But Paul was the happiest man in the universe.
It was another beautiful day on the alien planet. It was the day Paul and the other male passengers of the Ares arrived. Paul waved goodbye to his friends as he followed the map on his datapad to your home. He passed an elk like creature with antlers almost the size of its body that was grazing between the huge trees. Paul's jaw almost never left the grown as his eyes passed from one alien wonder to the next. Finally he arrived outside your front door, his heart racing. He knocked twice. His deep voice followed. "Hello. It's Paul, Paul Stevens."
I was also toying with the idea of our characters being somehow genetically enhanced to make them sexy as fuck, which explains Paul's absurd statistics early in the prompt. I am happy to discuss that though. Perhaps they are just hot from centuries of natural selection. Perhaps they were engineered from birth to be perfect space colonists, or perhaps they were given genetic treatment while in cryostasis on the journey, or we can totally ignore the issue and just have them be hot for hotness sake! I do like the idea of our characters being very attractive though. I also have to say I am a HUGE fan of big boobs and big booties.
I know I wrote your part in second person, and mine in third person. I am happy to write my character in either first or third person. I am also happy to write the parts of third party characters that flit in and out of our story, and I would be happy if you also share the burden!
Another idea that might be fun to explore is if additional "mates" are added to our "family" at some point. Not sure on this, happy to hear your thoughts if you are interested.
Some other kinks and interests that may work for the story: detailed writing, creative writing partners, fit characters, big tits, big butts, big cock, lots of cum, passionate fucking, outdoor sex, group sex (when it fits the story), voyeurism, exhibitionism, playful competition and comparison, and I am sure much more!
Limits: noncon, violence, poop, animals, underage, anything else gross or illegal.
Let me know your ideas, or feel free to just jump write in where I left off and answer the door!
I prefer to write by PM, by chat and discord also work. Hope to hear from you soon!
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
BigIronBruce
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK
BigIronBruce
She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank youInteresting-Tip-4850
"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.
OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 15:01 FelicitySmoak_ Tuesday, May 21, 2013 - Jackson v. AEG Live Day 15
 | Trial Day 15 submitted by FelicitySmoak_ to WhereWasMJToday [link] [comments] Katherine, Rebbie and Trent Jackson are at court. LA Times reported that the Jacksons offered a settlement. Kevin Boyle , a lawyer for Katherine Jackson and Michael's kids , said they offered to settle the lawsuit against AEG, but that they never got an answer. Kevin Boyle said the family made the offers in January & March. Boyle would not provide details but said AEG's insurance would have paid, which means they could have settled the case without them paying a dime of their money. He said AEG has never offered to settle & they haven't apologized. Marvin Putnam, an attorney for AEG, said it was inappropriate to discuss settlement discussions: "We don't settle matters that are utterly baseless. We believe that is the case in this matter. I can't see why we would consider a settlement as anything other than a shakedown"CNN Reports there was a snack controversy during trial: AEG lawyers gave a bag of peppermint candy to the bailiff to hand out to the jury this week. Even Katherine Jackson enjoyed the treat but Jackson's lawyer raised an objection, suggesting jurors might be influenced if they realized the source of the sweets. A compromise was reached. Each side can provide snacks for jurors, but they'll be placed at the bailiff's desk before jurors enter court so they have no clue who brought it. Shawn Trell Testimony Jackson direct AEG Live General Counsel, Shawn Trell, told jurors that he had forgotten that Kenny Ortega was working under a signed contract. Trell said he met with his attorneys last night and reviewed one doc -- Kenny Ortega's contract. "He had a written contract," Trell said. "I remember the email dynamic. I'm not too proud to admit that I didn't recall the cover contract," Trell said he was changing his previous testimony to add that Ortega had a written contract, not only emails between him and AEGNext topic was Insurance: Cancellation/Non-Appearance/Sickness. Trell said he started working on insurance for the tour in November of 2008. Panish showed several chains of emails where the parties talked about the insurance for the tour Email from Bob Taylor insurance broker to Trell on 1/7/09: "Prior to speaking with carriers we ask the artist to attend medical with a doctor...A full medical with both blood/urine tests. The doctor also wants to review the medical records over the last 5 years to ensure full disclosure. Insurers require further medical examination to be carried out by their nominated doctor. They may restrict illness coverage or death from illness coverage until this examination has taken place"Email from 4/30/09 - Wooley to Trell : "We have no coverage against Michael sickness unless and until he submits to another medical in LondonEmail from 5/28/09 - Trell to Taylor: "We really need to get that medical done"Email from 6/23/09 - Trell to Taylor : "Any update on the availability of Term insurance?" (life insurance)Trell said if they secured life insurance, they would get money if Michael died. "We would get the money owed to us, yes," Trell testified.Trell also said he continued discussions with an insurance broker about additional coverage to recoup AEG Live's investment if the tour had to be canceled. Email from 6/24/09 -Taylor to Trell : "Insurers have refused to move on this. Huge amount of speculation in the media regarding artist's health. They feel if they're to consider providing illness to cover this particular artist, they must have very through medical report"Email from 6/25/09 - Gongaware to Taylor : "If we don't get sickness coverage, we are dropping this policy"Email from 6/25/09 - Taylor to Gongaware : "The consultation in London is critical. The doctor is holding the afternoon of the 6th July open at Harley St. But keep in mind the visit could take 2 hours plus"Next topic: Budget/Costs. Panish showed an email from AEG's Rick Webking to Michael's estate with 1st report of artist advances/expenses. This was a letter sent to the estate containing the expenses incurred, Trell said. "It seems to me we submitted this report for their review, I don't see any request for payment," Trell said.Trell said he spoke with Randy Phillips and Paul Gongaware about Michael's physical condition prior to coming to testify. "I had heard about rehearsals in which Mr. Jackson was fantastic," Trell saidTrell said he's aware of email from Ortega saying doctor was not allowing Michael to attend rehearsal on June 14, 2009. "I was aware of the doctor not allowing him to attend rehearsal," Trell saidEmail from 6/17/09 from Phillips: "...Ortega, Gongaware, Dileo, and his doctor Conrad from Vegas and I have an intervention with him to get him to focus and come to rehearsal"Email from 6/17/09 from Gongaware to Phillip's assistant: "We need a physical therapist and a nutritionist"Email from Production Manager - Gongaware/Phillips on 6/19/09 : "Paul/Randy I'm not bring a drama queen here. Kenny asked me to notify you both Michael was sent home without stepping foot on stage. He was a basket case and Kenny was concerned he would embarrass himself on stage, or worse yet, be hurt. The company is rehearsing right now, but the DOUBT is pervasive"Email from Randy Phillips to Tim Leiweke on 6/19/09 : "We have a huge problem here."Trell agreed with a statement by plaintiff's attorney, Brian Panish, that company executives knew by then there was a "deep issue" with Jackson Does Trell consider that exchange a "red flag" that AEG Live should have noticed, Panish asked. "I would take it seriously, as I believe Mr. Phillips did," Trell answered. "I don't know I would use the word 'red flag'One of the emails shown to the jury was from Jackson estate co-executor John Branca, sent 5 days before Jackson's death & marked 'confidential': "I have the right therapist/spiritual advisosubstance abuse counselor who could help (recently helped Mike Tyson get sober and paroled) Do we know whether there is a substance issue involved (perhaps better discussed on the phone)The email was sent the same day that a meeting was held at Jackson's home with Murray. No further info given to jury. Trell said Mr. Phillips never told him about this email Email from Ortega to Randy Phillips on 6/20/09: (chain of emails) "I honestly don't think he is ready for this based on his continued physical weakening and deepening emotional state"Trell said he didn't see these emails. He said he spoke with Randy Phillips about Phillips' perception of Michael, in order to prepare for testifying, but not about specific emails. Trell has been designated as the most qualified person to speak on behalf of AEG Email from Phillips to Gongaware on 6/20/09 at 1:52 am : "Tim and I are going to see him tomorrow, however, I'm not sure what the problem is Chemical or Physiological?"From Gongaware to Phillips, on 6/20/09 at 5:59 am : "Take the doctor with you. Why wasn't he there last night?"From Phillips to Gongaware, on 6/20/09 at 2:01 pm : "He is not a psychiatrist so I'm not sure how effective he can be at this point obviously, getting him there is not the issue. It is much deeper"Trell said Randy Phillips went to a handful of rehearsals, three at the Forum and two at Staples Center. The head of the marketing department attended rehearsal on June 23, 2009. "She was blown away by it," Trell testified.He said he was unaware of issues with Jackson at rehearsals. "I knew of no problems with Michael Jackson at all",Trell testified.Trell said he never saw the emails from Phillips directing people to exclude images from This Is It of Michael looking "skeletal" while rehearsing. "What were his observations of Michael's physical condition during rehearsal," Trell said. "I asked for his (Phillips) personal opinion."Next line of questioning is about human resources and background checks. Trell said they can be valuable and useful tools when hiring. Background check costs around $40 to $125. Trell said AEG Live could afford this fee. "We don't do background checks on independent contractors," Trell said. Trell said he was involved in the hiring by AEG Live for the This Is It tour. His department was responsible for retaining independent contractors. Trell said he is not familiar with background check process for hiring. "I am not familiar with the process of doing background checks," Trell said. "No training." Panish: "There was no hiring criteria for the This Is It tour, correct?"Trell: "Not to my knowledge" Trell testified that when it comes to independent contractors, they have either worked with the artists, AEG or known in the industry. Trell agreed that no background check was done on anyone working on the This Is It tour. AEG Live General Counsel Shawn Trell told jurors that no legal or financial checks were done involving Conrad Murray or anyone else who worked as an independent contractor on the This Is It shows. Depending on the nature of the position, a background could be done, Trell said, like for potential employees in the financial area. Trell said he thought a background check would be appropriate for people working in financial roles, but not tour personnel who weren't employees of AEG As to independent contractors, Trell said there's no supervision and monitoring like there's for employees Panish: "You don't do anything to check into background, supervise or protect the artist?"Trell: "No, safety is a concern" Trell said that AEG did not hire Murray, that the doctor was like many independent contractors, "When they leave the environment, what they do on their own time is their own business"Trell testified he doesn't believe the artist is more at risk because AEG Live doesn't do background checks "We did nothing to monitor Dr. Murray," Trell said. "We did not monitor whatever it was that he was doing, no.""It called for Michael Jackson being able to terminate Dr. Murray at will," Trell said about the contract. "If the concerts didn't go forward, and he was terminated under this provision, Dr. Murray would not be paid going forward," Trell explained As to Dr Murray being under dire financial straits, Trell said that he doesn't know if he agrees with it, everyone's perception is different Trell: "I certainly wasn't aware of it at the time"Panish: "Because you didn't check, right?" Trell: "That's right" "I don't think conflict of interests are a good thing, and we would want to prevent it," Trell said Email from Kathy Jorie to Shawn Trell on 6/24/09 at 12:54 am: Subject: Revised agreement with GCA Holdings/Dr. MurrayIt had two attachments Attachments: Revised Michael Jackson -AEG GCA Holdings Murray Agreement 6-18-09 Final MJ -- AEG GCA Holdings Agreement (Dr. Murray) 6-23-09Email chain from 6/23/09, 5:39pm from Jorrie to Wooley, Murray Subject: RE: Michael Jackson - Revised Agreement with GCA Holdings/Dr. Murray Email:"I have redlined the Word version so that you can see all of the revisions. In addition, I've attached clean PDF version for execution" (The email says that if Dr. Murray approved it, he was to print it, sign and send it back to Jorrie) Panish: "Did Ms. Jorrie call this contract a draft?"Trell: "She called it a Final Version" "Every document is a draft until it is executed," Trell said. Panish showed emails exchanged among AEG executives that contained drafts of Murray's contract. Although Murray had signed a contract with the company, neither Jackson nor anyone from AEG had added their signatures. Trell testified that a copy of the contract had never been sent to Jackson With Trell on the stand, Panish played part of an interview that AEG Live President Randy Phillips gave to Sky News television soon after Michael's death. "This guy was willing to leave his practice for a very large sum of money, so we hired him," Phillips said.Panish also showed jurors an e-mail between AEG lawyers suggesting that Phillips told other interviewers AEG Live "hired" Murray. Panish: "Isn't it true that Randy Phillips made numerous comments that AEG Live hired Dr. Murray?"Trell: "I know he has made that statement" Panish said AEG higher-ups became concerned after Phillips made such admission. Trell said he didn't know if that was true. Bruce Black is the General Counsel for parent company of AEG and AEG Live. Michael Roth is AEG's media relations Email from Kathy Jorrie to Bruce Black and Michael Roth on 8/25/09: Subject: AEG Live president says AEG Live hired Dr. Conrad MurrayPanish shows Trell a deposition, under oath, given by insurance broker Bob Taylor on another case. Trell said he has never seen or read it. Trell denied having a telephone conversation with Mr. Taylor where Trell asked him if a doctor's compensation was covered in the insurance. Panish: "Does that refresh your recollection that AEG was employing Dr. Murray?"Trell: "Mr. Taylor has this completely wrong" After lunch break, Brian Panish asked if Shawn Trell wanted to change anything else in his testimony, to which he said "No" Bruce Black, attorney for Anschutz, was present in the meeting with LAPD. Trell met with the police on 1/12/10. Trell told the police that day that Dr. Murray would receive $150,000 compensation per month. Trell also said that Dr. Murray requested and AEG would provide necessary medical equipment and a nurse. More than five months after Jackson's death, Trell said, he informed LAPD detectives that Murray initially requested $5 million to join the tour but eventually agreed to a salary of $150,000 a month for 10 months. Panish: "As far as you know, all the agreements written for TII tour was done under AEG Live Productions, right?"Trell: "Yes" Panish: "Was Dr. Murray trying to help AEG get insurance?" Trell: "The policy was in both names, so he was helping both parties" Trell said Dennis Hawk, who represented Michael, was in touch with Taylor regarding the insurance Panish: "As of June 2009, you don't even know whether Mr. Jackson had a personal managerTrell: "Well, my understanding at the time there were a couple of people acting in that capacity" Email on 6/2/09 from Randy Phillips to Jeff Wald: "Jeff, remember getting Michael to focus is not the easiest thing in the world and we still have no lawyer, business manager, or, even real manager in place. It is a nightmare!"Trell said the only time he saw an artist's signature required to retain an independent contractor was for Dr. Murray. Trell said his understanding was that Dr. Murray worked for Michael for 3 years; didn't know how many times MJ saw Dr. Murray. "I've never spoken with Dr. Murray ever. And I met/spoke with Mr. Jackson once," Trell said. "He was a significant expense," Trell testified about Dr. Murray.Trell said AEG Live didn't do anything to check Dr. Murray's competency as doctor, other than checking his physician license. Trell said AEG didn't do anything to determine Dr. Murray's financial conditions in 2009. Jury was shown an email that Phillips sent to Kenny Ortega on night of June 20, 2009. It was email urging Ortega to stand down. Email on 6/20/09 Phillips to Ortega : "Kenny it's critical that neither you, me, anyone around this show become amateur psychiatrist/physicians. I had a lengthy conversation with Dr. Murray, who I am gaining immense respect for as I get to deal with him more. He said that Michael is not only physically equipped to perform & discouraging him to will hasten his decline instead of stopping it. Dr. Murray also reiterated that he is mentally able to and was speaking to me from the house where he had spent the morning with Michael. This doctor is extremely successful (we check everyone out) and does not need this gig so he is totally unbiased and ethical"Panish asked Trell whether Phillips "characterization to Ortega, given no background check was done, was a lie". Trell responded that he didn't know what Phillips knew or was thinking when he wrote that email to Ortega. Trell also said he expected Randy Phillips to testify at some point during the trial, so he could address the email himself Panish then asked Trell, "Sir, you never checked out one single thing about Dr. Murray -- you've already told me that, correct?""As of the date of the email, that would've been correct",Trell said. When pressed by Panish, Trell said that Phillips' statement that Murray had been checked out, along with the executive's claim that the doctor 'does not need this gig' were inaccurate. "I don't know where Randy's understanding or impression comes from", Trell said.Trell testified that Phillips might have been "misinformed" or simply was stating his impression of the Las Vegas cardiologist Panish: "But no one at AEG checked Dr. Murray to see if he was successful or not, isn't that true?"Trell: "Yes" Panish then asked several pointed questions about whether Shawn Trell agreed with Phillips telling Ortega they'd checked Murray out. One of Panish's questions was whether Trell thought Phillips' email was 'acceptable conduct' Panish called Phillips' statement "a flat out lie" and asked Trell whether he agreed with it or if it signified how AEG did business. Trell said he didn't know what Phillips thought he knew when he wrote the message. "I know this statement is not accurate, but you'd have to speak with Mr. Phillips about what he thought or meant in saying it," Trell said. Panish: "That's a flat out lie, isn't it sir?"Trell: "I don't know what Mr. Phillips intended to say, this should be a question to him" Panish: "You don't know if he was successful or facing bankruptcy, did you?" Trell: "No" Trell: "I know the statement is not accurate. You have to speak with Mr. Phillips about what he meant to say" Panish: "Do you agree with the CEO of your company making untrue statements?" Trell: "I don't know that he didn't know it wasn't true when he said it" Trell said Phillips never told him that he checked Dr. Murray out. As to reference in Phillips' email about Dr. Murray being unbiased, ethical, not needing this gig, Trell said it was Phillips' impressions. He said AEG typically only runs background checks on candidates applying for full-time jobs with AEG, not independent contractors. Panish: "Isn't it true AEG Live does not do background check on independent contractors?"Trell: "That's true" Trell said that no one from AEG interviewed Dr. Murray because he was an independent contractor. "Did anyone from AEG ever at any time interview Dr. Murray", asked Brian Panish"No", Trell replied. Panish showed a document used by AEG entitled "Disclosure and Authorization to Conduct Background Check". Doc is used for employment, promotion, retention, contingent or the rate staffing, consulting, sub-contract work, or volunteer work. Panish asked if there was any reason why Dr. Murray was not given a background check. "He wasn't an employee, he wasn't applying for a full time position with the company," Trell explained.Trell said theoretically they could've asked to check Dr. Murray's background and credit. AEG Cross Jessica Bina began her examination by showing the letter submitted by AEG's CFO to the Estate of Michael Jackson for their review. She asked Shawn Trell about the estimate presented to Jackson's estate that included Murray's $300k fees. She asked why it was prepared. Shawn Trell said it was done at the request of the estate. He said Jackson's estate wanted to know state of tour finances when Jackson died. Trell said the report was requested by the Estate after a series of meetings after Michael's death. "The purpose of the meeting was to wind up the business affairs of the tour due to Michael's death", Trell said. "It was my understating in June Tohme was back in the picture in some capacity. I'm not sure which, Mr. DiLeo was in it too," Trell saidBina: "Is there any request for payment?" Trell: "No, there's no demand for payment, it's for review" Stebbins Bina asked about the inclusion of Murray's fee in the document. Bina showed the report that was attached to the letter. Murray's fee on the document had a footnote. Trell read what that footnote said, and explained why estate wasn't asked for Murray's fee. Next to "Management Medical" there's a reference to footnote 3. Note 3: 'Contract is not signed by Michael Jackson and such signature was condition precedent to any payment obligation' - Footnote on Murray fee.Trell testified Webking, the CFO for AEG, did not ask Michael's Estate for payment of Dr. Murray's salary "You testified you were somewhat confused (by the inclusion of the $300,000)?", Bina asked Trell as she projected the list, dated July 17, 2009, on a screen for jurors."Do you see there's something in parentheses?', Stebbins Bina asked, zooming in to blow up a footnote from AEG CFO Frederick Webking that stated Michael Jackson never signed Murray's contract, so its terms were not enforceable. "Is Mr. Webking asking the estate to pay?", Stebbins Bina asked Trell. "No", he replied, explaining that upon reflection he believed Mr. Webking was just being 'thorough' by including the $300,000 as a budgeted cost. "Did Mr. Webking make a mistake as you thought yesterday?",she asked. "No, he did not", Trell answered Second report made to the Estate on 9/18/09, there was no amount next to management medical. Stebbins Bina then showed a Sept. 2009 report of This Is It's finances to Michael Jackson's estate. Murray's fee is not listed in that document Trell went through his job description with AEG. He said he has five lawyers in his department and has worked on thousands of agreements. Trell explained what PMK is -- Person Most Knowledgeable, identified by the company to testify on its behalf. Trell said he didn't know about all the topics he was designated, so he had to do some studying and interviews with people As to Ortega's contract, Trell said he was aware of a string of emails being at least a part of the original agreement with Kenny. "When we were done here yesterday, I looked at Kenny Ortega's original agreement," Trell said.Trell noted he hadn't looked at Ortega's agreement since it was entered into in 2009. Before the afternoon break, Trell and jury were shown Kenny Ortega's tour agreement. It was signed in April 2009. The agreement was three pages of legalese, with several pages of emails attached that confirmed the terms. The first three pages included some paragraphs that described who owned the rights to This Is It content. A large number of emails are part of the agreement as exhibits. Trell said he recalled the emails exchange and admitted again not being proud of forgetting the cover contract portion. Bina showed Ortega's executed contract with everyone's signature on it. Trell said Kenny Ortega was paid after his contract was signed. Trell, Phillips and Kathy Jorrie were involved in drafting and negotiating the contract with Michael Jackson. For MJ, Trell said Dr. Tohme Tohme and attorneys Dennis Hawk and Peter Lopez represented him. He said there were multiple drafts. "It's my understanding they were talking to, or at least receiving offers from, a competitive of ours, Live Nation," Trell said.Trell also said that before signing an agreement with AEG, Jackson had been considering a tour offer from its main competitor, Live Nation. Bina showed the jury the final tour agreement. Trell said he went to MJ's home at Carolwood to sign it. Upon arrival, Trell said Mr. Jackson got up from where he was seated, and said 'Hi, welcome, I'm Michael." Trell said it was pretty funny, since he was a very distinct person. Trell said they shook hands, he had a good firm handshake and his voice was not what people think "He popped up, came over, introduced himself, was very cordial, there was a real positive energy, good vibe in the room," Trell said. "He seemed genuinely enthused," Trell added. "He had the contract in front of him, said he read every page, seemed very enthused." Trell said they all signed it and Mr. Jackson was really keen on the 3-D stuff, that he was already down the road in his mind. "I was probably there just a little less than an hour. And that was the only time I met him," Trell recalled.Bina discussed the contract for the tour agreement: A first class performance by Artist at each show on each of the approved itineraries. Contract: Artist shall perform no less than 80 minutes at each show, and the maximum show length for each show shall be 3.5 hours. Artist shall approve a sufficient number of shows on itineraries proposed by promoter or producer as to recoup the advances made.Trell said compensation was agreed on 90-10 split. Artist received 90% of what's defined contingent compensation. Trell explained to jury how concerts get paid for. One scenario is artist pays for production up front. A second scenario is that the promoter gives artist an advance, and then they use the money to put together the show. The third option, Trell said, is the artist pays someone like AEG Live to produce and promote the show, with costs to come out of their pay. Trell called the second and third option like an interest-free loan. In Jackson's case, AEG agreed to a 90/10 split of show's proceeds. Jackson would have received the 90% portion, Trell said. Jackson was also on the hook for a 5% production fee AEG Live was promoter & producer. "We advanced the money necessary to mount the tour," Trell explained. "It's interest free money".Trell testified that Jackson's advance, which covered his $100,000-a-month rent on his mansion and a $3-million payment to settle a lawsuit that would free up his performance rights, was considered a loan to be paid back to AEG. Part of the advance was to pay off the settlement agreement of $3 million in London court. The underlying dispute was that a company owned the rights for Jackson's live performance. "The rights needed to be freed up," Trell said.The advances were to be paid back to AEG Live before the split of revenue. Production Advances were capped to $7.5 million. Contract: Artist was responsible for all the production costs in excess of the cap and had to reimburse promoter. "Michael Jackson was known to have very elaborate productions," Trell said. "Production values can get significant, for lack of a better word, it really depends on how many bells and whistles they want," Trell said.Trell said AEG would not advance money without the artist requesting it. Trell said it's not only typical and customary, but standard and artist needs to secure either non-appearance or cancellation insurance. Their interest in the policy, Trell said, was to cover the advances and production costs incurred with the production of the show. "If the were no obligations to AEG, the payout would go back to the artist", Trell explained, "It just recoups our loan made to the artist."Trell was also asked about elements of tour insurance policies and an agreement with former manager Tohme Tohme. Jackson's contract called for him to represent to AEG that he didn't have any health conditions that would keep him from performing. Contract: Artistco hereby represents and warrants that artist does not possess any known health conditions, injuries or ailments that would reasonable be expected to interfere with Artist's first class performance at each of the shows during the termOh Tohme's $100k per month agreement, Trell was shown a January contract that Jackson signed to pay that amount. However, Trell said Tohme's agreement was predicated on Jackson getting tour cancellation insurance by a certain date. Deadline passed and by that point Tohme was no longer Jackson's manager, so he wasn't entitled to be paid his monthly fee. January 24, 2009 -- agreement entered with Dr. Tohme Tohme. Trell said Michael was involved and signed this agreement. "This agreement was entered into January 26, Trell testified. "There are conditions that needed to be met before any payment could be made."One of the the conditions was placement of non-appearance insurance, Trell said. That placement was done in late April, early May. In May, AEG received letter from MJ saying Tohme didn't rep him anymore. "No payments were ever made under this agreement," Trell explained.Court Transcript Rebbie Jackson attending court https://preview.redd.it/mmatrsug5o1d1.jpg?width=443&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2bb18c8e5e6bca215719208409346bccaf96bc4 https://preview.redd.it/h6ywhnug5o1d1.jpg?width=443&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4576d97371141a308ad6300fb33400f28ed009e3 https://preview.redd.it/wd14srug5o1d1.jpg?width=508&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31ded1abac7f1916fc67b5d0b264dd231b96f275 https://preview.redd.it/pvrb3vug5o1d1.jpg?width=423&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e4e93a20eccf030747d4ee60a95365b5e41e9ce https://preview.redd.it/yexbwrug5o1d1.jpg?width=419&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c26155b8478e7c48f8863d946b836f1ab2a13fe8 https://preview.redd.it/o6nzk0vg5o1d1.jpg?width=483&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f146baaaa738ec5fe700fa42aaf58e138f21165f https://preview.redd.it/vuozioug5o1d1.jpg?width=431&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f229517cb96a8f80571439f6f0e27f8c6c7852bc |
2024.05.21 15:00 GravitationalWaves5 House Of Mirrors Pt III, Shedding Skins And Dropping Masks
I’ve been putting a lot of effort into finding firm and grounded thoughts lately. I can be a flip flop sometimes. Which isn’t good because it goes against my divine nature.
I have a bad habit of allowing myself to easily get trapped into chasing women. I don’t chase them for sex. It’s arguably even more self destructive what I do. I genuinely seek love and I end up doing it to fill a deep void. So it sets me up to be easily damaged deeply.
I’ve been finding myself doing it again lately. Just repeatedly chasing, trying to explain myself, trying to get responses, trying to get attention, just trying and trying and trying….
For someone who obviously doesn’t even like me. Literally doesn’t even give me the time of day. Except when she asks me if I’m interested in doing things, that she’ll just ignore me about immediately afterwards.
Repeat the process, over and over. It’s a habit I’ve done before because I want a connection so bad.
And it’s just bad that I end up receiving over and over.
That’s not the only area where I’m breaking the habit of being myself. I’m working on many at once. That’s just a really big one because it pertains to my heart and my love, which is a huge deal to me.
I’m currently out of state in Colorado, visiting family. I haven’t been close to them for a long time and this trip is going truly amazing and we’re having deep discussions and healing.
I was just in the shower thinking again about gouging out the eye that causes you to sin.
So I got out and deleted her phone number and our conversation. I’m tired of having my mind distracted from the present moment, and thinking about someone who demonstrates clearly that she doesn’t even like me. Definitely doesn’t care about me even enough to say anything at all.
It’s so dumb of me that I let stuff happen like that. And I have to stop it. So I shed a skin. And I removed my ability to keep pursuing that dead end.
And when I return to North Carolina, yes I’ll be returning to my volunteer gig. Yes she works there. No, I really don’t see her anyway, and I’m a professional through and through. So there just won’t be any problems and I’m confident about that.
I wake up lonely AF sometimes so I had to cut myself off from making more stupid mistakes 🙃
And it feels good to see myself starting to embody strong ideals and finally having courage to stand up for myself 😮💨💚
submitted by GravitationalWaves5 to ShrugLifeSyndicate [link] [comments]
I have a bad habit of allowing myself to easily get trapped into chasing women. I don’t chase them for sex. It’s arguably even more self destructive what I do. I genuinely seek love and I end up doing it to fill a deep void. So it sets me up to be easily damaged deeply.
I’ve been finding myself doing it again lately. Just repeatedly chasing, trying to explain myself, trying to get responses, trying to get attention, just trying and trying and trying….
For someone who obviously doesn’t even like me. Literally doesn’t even give me the time of day. Except when she asks me if I’m interested in doing things, that she’ll just ignore me about immediately afterwards.
Repeat the process, over and over. It’s a habit I’ve done before because I want a connection so bad.
And it’s just bad that I end up receiving over and over.
That’s not the only area where I’m breaking the habit of being myself. I’m working on many at once. That’s just a really big one because it pertains to my heart and my love, which is a huge deal to me.
I’m currently out of state in Colorado, visiting family. I haven’t been close to them for a long time and this trip is going truly amazing and we’re having deep discussions and healing.
I was just in the shower thinking again about gouging out the eye that causes you to sin.
So I got out and deleted her phone number and our conversation. I’m tired of having my mind distracted from the present moment, and thinking about someone who demonstrates clearly that she doesn’t even like me. Definitely doesn’t care about me even enough to say anything at all.
It’s so dumb of me that I let stuff happen like that. And I have to stop it. So I shed a skin. And I removed my ability to keep pursuing that dead end.
And when I return to North Carolina, yes I’ll be returning to my volunteer gig. Yes she works there. No, I really don’t see her anyway, and I’m a professional through and through. So there just won’t be any problems and I’m confident about that.
I wake up lonely AF sometimes so I had to cut myself off from making more stupid mistakes 🙃
And it feels good to see myself starting to embody strong ideals and finally having courage to stand up for myself 😮💨💚
2024.05.21 14:59 Suitable_Muscle_1939 I [31F] adore my husband [31M], but our marriage is SEVERELY lacking in almost every aspect. Is there any chance of saving this relationship?
I have been with my husband for almost 7 years, married for 3. We have 2 young toddlers (we chose the 2 under 2 life), and this definitely plays a huge role in our situation. I love him so much, he's so kind and genuine, but we have a lot going on and it's honestly overwhelming.
TLDR: I feel extremely unfulfilled in my marriage and am worried we are better off divorced. We have no sexual chemistry, no intimacy or passion, I basically have to mother him into doing anything around the house and have to hold his hand when he has hard conversations with his parents. He's a great dad to our kids, but he isn't a great husband to me and I'm worried we're headed to a divorce.
Before we got married, we had so much fun together. We went on so many dates and were always out and about doing something fun and exciting. We were very much attracted to each other, but the sex was never that great. I was very experienced and had a lot of sexual partners in my college years, and he could probably count his on one hand. I always thought it was a work in progress and was willing to continue on with him because I cared for him in so many other ways than just being sexually compatible that I found it refreshing. I had never been with anyone where I didn't care about how our sex was because they were so great as a person.
It didn't take long for me to notice he never went down on me. He did it once and his eyes were so red and I was so embarrassed but moved on. The second time, same thing! And yes, I care a ton about my hygiene so I know it's not that. I confronted him about it and he told me he just didn't know how to do it really and isn't good at it and told me he would do some research (which he never did). One day we were talking oral sex and how I loved going down on him but didn't think he did to me, and that I wanted him to WANT to do it and that I want him to learn to love my downstairs. He said "well I don't have to LOVE it", and I sincerely feel like that was foreshadowing into our entire relationship because those were the only 2 times he has ever done it.
Our sex life is pretty lame. We probably had sex once a month before getting married, and now it's basically 2-3 times a year it seems like. I've always been unfulfilled with how often this happens and doing it this infrequent makes it really hard to get in the groove. So each time we do have sex, it's pretty rocky and awkward, and while I usually am pretty confident in the bedroom I am absolutely self conscious and worried about how he liked it or how it went for him. I know we lack that passion and sexual chemistry, and this has always bothered me, but I always thought we could create that as time went on (still thinking the inexperience played a factor here).
Right before we get married we move in with his parents for several months while our house was being build which ended up being the worst decision. I discovered how much my MIL gossips, how opinionated my MIL and FIL were and it created a lot of issues with my husband and I. I'd hear my MIL talking badly about other family members or saying something really strange to me and would bring it up to him and he always gave her the benefit of the doubt saying she means well, or that he knows she'd never mean something in a certain way, etc. We ended up having major trust issues with them and needing to take lots of breaks from them when we got pregnant with our first (and had moved into our house), which lead to even more trust issues when our first was born. They were extremely defensive with each and every boundary/ask/rule/etc regarding our LO we'd bring up and there was always something negative with every interaction I would have with them. It was so exhausting, and my husband would always give them the benefit of the doubt. It really weighed on me as time went on and this continued. I realized that his gut reaction was always to prioritize his parents comfort over mine, whether that meant talking to them in a certain way so they wouldn't have a reaction, not say anything at all, or contort what they were saying in order to make it seem less bad. This went on through my second pregnancy as well.
I basically had to teach him how to have boundaries with his parents. We would have so many damn conversations about it and it was a lot of hand holding which I was understanding with. It was a lengthy process and we're getting to a better point with that aspect, as in, he can kind of hold his own and stand up for our family, but the amount of resentment I have towards him for feeling so isolated all the time over the years is crazy.
In addition to this, I basically mother him at home and I hate it. He can't do anything without being told! He doesn't help out around the house unless I make him or ask him 100 times, he does 0 deep cleaning or projects. I feel like the man of the house. It has gotten to the point where I have to clean the entire house every single day, and before doing so I get so mad at him for his lack of assistance with it when he's at home. I am a SAHM now and recognize this as my "job" while he is at work, and then we share responsibilities when he gets home - or at least we agree that this is how it should be.
Back to our relationship and lack of intimacy; I know that after having kids things can really take a turn for the worse but I am really struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel and am worried that HE married the wrong woman. I've always understood men to do anything for someone they like/love and I just don't feel it from him. He doesn't compliment me ever, he doesn't take any pictures of me which hurts considering I have 500,000 of him and the kids on my phone. When I confront him about basically nagging him and his lack of initiation or effort for literally any type of intimacy, it's always that he doesn't know why he's like that and that he wants to change and that he promises he'll make more efforts but never does. It's like he manipulates me by saying he wants to change and he wants the same things I do, but then does nothing. Just like how he did absolutely no research on oral sex/sex in general before getting married.
Now that I'm 1 year postpartum with my second and finally starting to feel more like myself and look like myself, he's still the same. It's making me feel like things will never change and I'm starting to wonder if I'll be able to survive in a basically sexless/loveless marriage in which I have to continue mothering my husband. I just feel like a bunch of nothing in this relationship. I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel respected, and i think I might feel contempt towards him.
He is very understanding when we talk about everything and empathetic and wanting to change (manipulative is how it feels though because of the amount of empty promises), and I'm worried. He doesn't want a divorce, but that has been on the table for the last few months and still no change from him. Do I continue down this path of hoping he will finally change this time or move on? Ultimately, a happy mother is the best thing I can give my kids so divorce isn't off the table in that regard, but it's such a hard decision.
Our relationship has been so complex so it's been kind of hard to sum it all up, but I'm hoping for some advice on whether we can save this marriage. That would be extremely appreciate! Or even similar stories would be helpful! He has been reluctant to go to couples therapy with me or even himself until now, but I worry it's too late at this point.
submitted by Suitable_Muscle_1939 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
TLDR: I feel extremely unfulfilled in my marriage and am worried we are better off divorced. We have no sexual chemistry, no intimacy or passion, I basically have to mother him into doing anything around the house and have to hold his hand when he has hard conversations with his parents. He's a great dad to our kids, but he isn't a great husband to me and I'm worried we're headed to a divorce.
Before we got married, we had so much fun together. We went on so many dates and were always out and about doing something fun and exciting. We were very much attracted to each other, but the sex was never that great. I was very experienced and had a lot of sexual partners in my college years, and he could probably count his on one hand. I always thought it was a work in progress and was willing to continue on with him because I cared for him in so many other ways than just being sexually compatible that I found it refreshing. I had never been with anyone where I didn't care about how our sex was because they were so great as a person.
It didn't take long for me to notice he never went down on me. He did it once and his eyes were so red and I was so embarrassed but moved on. The second time, same thing! And yes, I care a ton about my hygiene so I know it's not that. I confronted him about it and he told me he just didn't know how to do it really and isn't good at it and told me he would do some research (which he never did). One day we were talking oral sex and how I loved going down on him but didn't think he did to me, and that I wanted him to WANT to do it and that I want him to learn to love my downstairs. He said "well I don't have to LOVE it", and I sincerely feel like that was foreshadowing into our entire relationship because those were the only 2 times he has ever done it.
Our sex life is pretty lame. We probably had sex once a month before getting married, and now it's basically 2-3 times a year it seems like. I've always been unfulfilled with how often this happens and doing it this infrequent makes it really hard to get in the groove. So each time we do have sex, it's pretty rocky and awkward, and while I usually am pretty confident in the bedroom I am absolutely self conscious and worried about how he liked it or how it went for him. I know we lack that passion and sexual chemistry, and this has always bothered me, but I always thought we could create that as time went on (still thinking the inexperience played a factor here).
Right before we get married we move in with his parents for several months while our house was being build which ended up being the worst decision. I discovered how much my MIL gossips, how opinionated my MIL and FIL were and it created a lot of issues with my husband and I. I'd hear my MIL talking badly about other family members or saying something really strange to me and would bring it up to him and he always gave her the benefit of the doubt saying she means well, or that he knows she'd never mean something in a certain way, etc. We ended up having major trust issues with them and needing to take lots of breaks from them when we got pregnant with our first (and had moved into our house), which lead to even more trust issues when our first was born. They were extremely defensive with each and every boundary/ask/rule/etc regarding our LO we'd bring up and there was always something negative with every interaction I would have with them. It was so exhausting, and my husband would always give them the benefit of the doubt. It really weighed on me as time went on and this continued. I realized that his gut reaction was always to prioritize his parents comfort over mine, whether that meant talking to them in a certain way so they wouldn't have a reaction, not say anything at all, or contort what they were saying in order to make it seem less bad. This went on through my second pregnancy as well.
I basically had to teach him how to have boundaries with his parents. We would have so many damn conversations about it and it was a lot of hand holding which I was understanding with. It was a lengthy process and we're getting to a better point with that aspect, as in, he can kind of hold his own and stand up for our family, but the amount of resentment I have towards him for feeling so isolated all the time over the years is crazy.
In addition to this, I basically mother him at home and I hate it. He can't do anything without being told! He doesn't help out around the house unless I make him or ask him 100 times, he does 0 deep cleaning or projects. I feel like the man of the house. It has gotten to the point where I have to clean the entire house every single day, and before doing so I get so mad at him for his lack of assistance with it when he's at home. I am a SAHM now and recognize this as my "job" while he is at work, and then we share responsibilities when he gets home - or at least we agree that this is how it should be.
Back to our relationship and lack of intimacy; I know that after having kids things can really take a turn for the worse but I am really struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel and am worried that HE married the wrong woman. I've always understood men to do anything for someone they like/love and I just don't feel it from him. He doesn't compliment me ever, he doesn't take any pictures of me which hurts considering I have 500,000 of him and the kids on my phone. When I confront him about basically nagging him and his lack of initiation or effort for literally any type of intimacy, it's always that he doesn't know why he's like that and that he wants to change and that he promises he'll make more efforts but never does. It's like he manipulates me by saying he wants to change and he wants the same things I do, but then does nothing. Just like how he did absolutely no research on oral sex/sex in general before getting married.
Now that I'm 1 year postpartum with my second and finally starting to feel more like myself and look like myself, he's still the same. It's making me feel like things will never change and I'm starting to wonder if I'll be able to survive in a basically sexless/loveless marriage in which I have to continue mothering my husband. I just feel like a bunch of nothing in this relationship. I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel respected, and i think I might feel contempt towards him.
He is very understanding when we talk about everything and empathetic and wanting to change (manipulative is how it feels though because of the amount of empty promises), and I'm worried. He doesn't want a divorce, but that has been on the table for the last few months and still no change from him. Do I continue down this path of hoping he will finally change this time or move on? Ultimately, a happy mother is the best thing I can give my kids so divorce isn't off the table in that regard, but it's such a hard decision.
Our relationship has been so complex so it's been kind of hard to sum it all up, but I'm hoping for some advice on whether we can save this marriage. That would be extremely appreciate! Or even similar stories would be helpful! He has been reluctant to go to couples therapy with me or even himself until now, but I worry it's too late at this point.
2024.05.21 14:46 Best-Abies4960 Am I delusional?
Should I give up and move on? I don’t really know why I’m even asking the question because deep down I know the answer. At the end of last year I (23 M) was dating this girl (20 F). She studies in a different city so we didn’t see each other that much but we connected very well, and very soon I was starting to fall hard for her. After a few parties together we were spending the weekend together. This went very well and for the first time in my life I was in love. I have to tell you also that I have never been in a relationship before and I was a virgin. She knew this but didn’t make a big deal out of it which I loved. This weekend was a week before Christmas. We verbally agreed that we would see each other on new years evening.
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much
submitted by Best-Abies4960 to dating_advice [link] [comments]
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much
2024.05.21 14:28 Ercarret My counselor just quit because continuing meeting would do more hard than good
Man, this is complicated. It's also very, very long.
A little piece out of a lot of background: I've been sick for about 10 years old. For the first six of those years, it was mainly a physical illness. I had chronic pains that the doctors just couldn't figure out and it derailed my entire life. Then in 2020, I ended up in a rehab facility for about 18 months. The first year there was really slow since I was still in pain, but after about 10 months I finally got the meds I needed and my aches went poof.
Amazing!
However, once they did, I discovered that I had a lot of latent psychological trauma etc. that popped its head up as soon as I didn't have the physical pains to distract me. I asked the nurses and doctors there for help with getting in touch with someone who could help me with that, but that didn't happen and instead the remaining 8 months was hell because somehow they decided that instead of offering help, they'd gaslight and abuse me. I've never felt so disconnected from reality because it didn't matter what I did or how hard I worked to accomplish a goal, I always did something wrong and never worked hard enough. It was a wild time, in the worst way possible.
Then I was kicked out of that facility and into my own one-room apartment. I was hesitant about the benefits of living alone right in ground zero for my previous trauma, but then again, staying at the place I had just been at wasn't really an option either.
Well, as it turns out, it was as horrible of an idea as I had feared. I quickly spiraled mentally since I was just alone with myself all day every day, and my own head is a pretty toxic conversational partner.
However, one upside to moving out of that facility is that it opened up another avenue of care for me. I'm not sure how to translate the Swedish health care system into English but basically, if you don't need to go to the hospital for something more urgent, your first go-to health care place is a vårdcentral. I'll just call it a "VC" from now on. You go there for all of the usual smaller things that doesn't require a surgeon or something. There are doctors and nurses there and they'll help you if they can or refer you to a hospital or other health care facilities if they offer the help you need.
When I came home from the rehab place in August of 2021, I got into contact with my local VC and explained that I needed some psychological help, and they let me talk to a counselor. She eventually sent me to another counselor of sorts who was supposed to evaluate me and then send me to the actual psychiatrist who could help me. After talking with her for a while, she sent me on my way and I met the psychiatrist in December of 2022.
We met up and had one conversation, but he basically said that there was nothing he could do for me. There were some reasons why but I don't think those matter now. The point is, my psych help kind of ended there. For various reasons, it wasn't picked up until six months later when I went on a boycott of all of my medicines in order to force my VC to actually do something. They had stayed radio silent up until then despite my pleas to find me some kind of help.
I ended up meeting with another one of their counselors in May last year and we've been talking ever since then. However, I wasn't getting anywhere. I said to her that the only way I saw myself getting better was by going to another of those rehab facilities since I wasn't able to get better on my own. On a fundamental level, I just don't function while alone. I shut down completely and just go on auto-pilot. It doesn't matter what we come up with while talking because as soon as I'm alone again, the auto-pilot engages and I remember almost nothing that isn't a hardwired biological need until I start interacting with another person again and the auto-pilot disengages again.
I had a three-way phone call with my counselor and the woman in charge of granting stays as such rehab facilities, and I said that one thing that I needed as a necessary guarantee was some sort of additional psychological help so that I wasn't simply helped physically and then thrown back once those needs were met. I've been there and done that, and I've seen how destructive that can be.
On the first session with my counselor after that call, she said that she could refer me to another counselor since I had pretty much said that only her support wouldn't be enough during my stay at that rehab facility (if I get a spot). I wasn't sure if that was the best way to go but since we hadn't really gotten anywhere in the last year, it didn't seem like the worst idea.
And this finally brings me to what this post is really about.
I had an initial conversation with this new counselor and then sent her a letter where I outlined my feelings better than I managed in the conversation. She asked if she could show the letter to her boss but didn't say why. I said sure, and after that we settled on a new session that was last Thursday.
During that session, she explained both why she'd taken my letter to her boss and why she'd be stepping down as my counselor after just a couple of sessions.
The reason she took the letter to her boss is because I outlined how I'd been ping-ponged around different counselors and psychiatrists for almost 3 years. That just wasn't right.
The reason she stepped down as my counselor was because of what the psychiatrist I'd met briefly in December 2022 had said about me. I was only aware of what he said directly to me: "I can't help you." However, what I was completely unaware of was that he told my VC a whole different thing: "This guy needs a whole team of (more suitable) psychiatrists."
They seemingly completely ignored this. As I mentioned before, for the first 6 months after my meeting with that psychiatrist, they did nothing. I had to resort to fairly desperate measures to get them to act, but when they did act, they just handed me to one of the counselors who were woefully underqualified to help me through my issues. This is why nothing happened during the year I was speaking to her. She then passed me on to the most recent counselor, and she realized that my issues were far above her paygrade. This wasn't the reason she stepped down, though. Rather, she felt that as long as I had a counselor, everyone around me would just assume that I was getting qualified help when the reality was far from that. As such, she thought that her staying on would do more harm than good to me.
She advised me to talk to my doctor about it and I just so happened to have an unrelated appointment booked with him for later this week so at least I can talk to him without having to wait a month or so. She also suggesting reporting all of this crap to the governing body for health care issues.
I don't know what to feel. I'm angry and confused. It feels like I've lived on a diet consisting of nothing but knuckle sandwiches for the longest time, with these recent revelations being a huge one-dish buffet.
I just needed to get this off my chest.
submitted by Ercarret to offmychest [link] [comments]
A little piece out of a lot of background: I've been sick for about 10 years old. For the first six of those years, it was mainly a physical illness. I had chronic pains that the doctors just couldn't figure out and it derailed my entire life. Then in 2020, I ended up in a rehab facility for about 18 months. The first year there was really slow since I was still in pain, but after about 10 months I finally got the meds I needed and my aches went poof.
Amazing!
However, once they did, I discovered that I had a lot of latent psychological trauma etc. that popped its head up as soon as I didn't have the physical pains to distract me. I asked the nurses and doctors there for help with getting in touch with someone who could help me with that, but that didn't happen and instead the remaining 8 months was hell because somehow they decided that instead of offering help, they'd gaslight and abuse me. I've never felt so disconnected from reality because it didn't matter what I did or how hard I worked to accomplish a goal, I always did something wrong and never worked hard enough. It was a wild time, in the worst way possible.
Then I was kicked out of that facility and into my own one-room apartment. I was hesitant about the benefits of living alone right in ground zero for my previous trauma, but then again, staying at the place I had just been at wasn't really an option either.
Well, as it turns out, it was as horrible of an idea as I had feared. I quickly spiraled mentally since I was just alone with myself all day every day, and my own head is a pretty toxic conversational partner.
However, one upside to moving out of that facility is that it opened up another avenue of care for me. I'm not sure how to translate the Swedish health care system into English but basically, if you don't need to go to the hospital for something more urgent, your first go-to health care place is a vårdcentral. I'll just call it a "VC" from now on. You go there for all of the usual smaller things that doesn't require a surgeon or something. There are doctors and nurses there and they'll help you if they can or refer you to a hospital or other health care facilities if they offer the help you need.
When I came home from the rehab place in August of 2021, I got into contact with my local VC and explained that I needed some psychological help, and they let me talk to a counselor. She eventually sent me to another counselor of sorts who was supposed to evaluate me and then send me to the actual psychiatrist who could help me. After talking with her for a while, she sent me on my way and I met the psychiatrist in December of 2022.
We met up and had one conversation, but he basically said that there was nothing he could do for me. There were some reasons why but I don't think those matter now. The point is, my psych help kind of ended there. For various reasons, it wasn't picked up until six months later when I went on a boycott of all of my medicines in order to force my VC to actually do something. They had stayed radio silent up until then despite my pleas to find me some kind of help.
I ended up meeting with another one of their counselors in May last year and we've been talking ever since then. However, I wasn't getting anywhere. I said to her that the only way I saw myself getting better was by going to another of those rehab facilities since I wasn't able to get better on my own. On a fundamental level, I just don't function while alone. I shut down completely and just go on auto-pilot. It doesn't matter what we come up with while talking because as soon as I'm alone again, the auto-pilot engages and I remember almost nothing that isn't a hardwired biological need until I start interacting with another person again and the auto-pilot disengages again.
I had a three-way phone call with my counselor and the woman in charge of granting stays as such rehab facilities, and I said that one thing that I needed as a necessary guarantee was some sort of additional psychological help so that I wasn't simply helped physically and then thrown back once those needs were met. I've been there and done that, and I've seen how destructive that can be.
On the first session with my counselor after that call, she said that she could refer me to another counselor since I had pretty much said that only her support wouldn't be enough during my stay at that rehab facility (if I get a spot). I wasn't sure if that was the best way to go but since we hadn't really gotten anywhere in the last year, it didn't seem like the worst idea.
And this finally brings me to what this post is really about.
I had an initial conversation with this new counselor and then sent her a letter where I outlined my feelings better than I managed in the conversation. She asked if she could show the letter to her boss but didn't say why. I said sure, and after that we settled on a new session that was last Thursday.
During that session, she explained both why she'd taken my letter to her boss and why she'd be stepping down as my counselor after just a couple of sessions.
The reason she took the letter to her boss is because I outlined how I'd been ping-ponged around different counselors and psychiatrists for almost 3 years. That just wasn't right.
The reason she stepped down as my counselor was because of what the psychiatrist I'd met briefly in December 2022 had said about me. I was only aware of what he said directly to me: "I can't help you." However, what I was completely unaware of was that he told my VC a whole different thing: "This guy needs a whole team of (more suitable) psychiatrists."
They seemingly completely ignored this. As I mentioned before, for the first 6 months after my meeting with that psychiatrist, they did nothing. I had to resort to fairly desperate measures to get them to act, but when they did act, they just handed me to one of the counselors who were woefully underqualified to help me through my issues. This is why nothing happened during the year I was speaking to her. She then passed me on to the most recent counselor, and she realized that my issues were far above her paygrade. This wasn't the reason she stepped down, though. Rather, she felt that as long as I had a counselor, everyone around me would just assume that I was getting qualified help when the reality was far from that. As such, she thought that her staying on would do more harm than good to me.
She advised me to talk to my doctor about it and I just so happened to have an unrelated appointment booked with him for later this week so at least I can talk to him without having to wait a month or so. She also suggesting reporting all of this crap to the governing body for health care issues.
I don't know what to feel. I'm angry and confused. It feels like I've lived on a diet consisting of nothing but knuckle sandwiches for the longest time, with these recent revelations being a huge one-dish buffet.
I just needed to get this off my chest.
2024.05.21 14:20 Frank_Hardcoxxx Videofucks
My phone vibrated. As did my smartwatch. I glimpsed up from my laptop, which was sitting in my lap so I could go over my presentation again. I was in the car, my boss was driving and we were headed to a conference, where both of us were supposed to speak. We were traveling for more than 7 hours now due to numerous traffic jams on our way.
Looking at my watch, I saw, it was the doorbell which caused the vibration. Already distracted from my presentation I pulled out my phone. Opening the doorbell app, I just so see, that my wife asks Becky, our young black dogsitter with her DD boobs into the house. "Curious" I thought, my wife hadn't told me, she wanted to go out that evening. It was a Tuesday, so it was her usual day for her Zumba class, but that would have meant leaving the dogs alone for about 1 and a half hours, so no need for a dogsitter. However, judging from what little I had seen, Becky was wearing an extremely short black latex skirt and a minimalist latex crop top, the full outfit barely covering her tits, ass and pussy. In addition to a black leather collar, it looked like my wife had ordered her in with other stuff in mind than just watching the dogs, even if there was the possibility, Becky's outfit was just due to the 30+ degree heatwave we were having.
A few minutes later, my phone vibrated again. It was a text from my wife. "Heading out to Zumba". She followed it up with a picture of her in her sports dress. Due to the heat she only wore tight short pants, a very tight revealing top and her sports bra. So her petite size combined with her chubby figure and her big tits were easy to spot. "Looking great" I answered. "Have fun, love you". "You have any plans later?" She asked. "No" I answered. "I won't be able to make it to swimming today. I'm not even at the hotel yet. So just dinner with my boss and then I will head for the bed." I replied. "Ok" was the only answer I got.
My boss and I checked into the hotel and found a place to eat, when I got another message from my wife. It was a shower selfie from the gym, showing her having her tits soaped up. I had to make sure, nobody saw my developing boner below a napkin. And this was also unusual, as my wife normally prefers to shower at home. What did she have planned. "Going out?" I asked her. I didn't get an answer for a while. Then I got another selfie. My wife was now wearing a long, tight, black PU skirt, and a black leather corsage, which was barely able to keep her G-Cups inside. She also had makeup on and her black hair with a tint of red worked perfectly with her black lipstick. A second picture showed, that she did not wear panties, but a buttplug. "Gonna surprise Becky" was her answer to my previous question. "Let's check whether she obeyed" was the next text I got, before I had an incoming videocall from the group my wife had created for the three of us. I excused myself from the table and left the table, while keeping the lid of my phone case closed. I took a Bluetooth headset out of my pocket and went outside to take the call. As soon as I did, I had to hold my breath. My wife held up her phone in her car in a way, that Becky and I had perfect view of her cleavage, while Becky was clearly sitting on our terrace, wearing the earlier described outfit, her legs spread apart and her camera clearly showing that she also had inserted a buttplug and additionally a vibrator in her pussy, pleasuring herself. From her position I could see, that there was a very slim, but not zero chance she could be seen by a passing neighbor. "Good girl" I heard my wife's voice. "Expect me home in 20 minutes. Keep going with the vibrator but do not come before I'm home or you will regret it". "Yes Madam" was Becky's answer. "Now put on a show for my husband" my wife again commanded. I watched the vibrator going in and out her pink pussy, which contrasted nicely with her chocolate skin, before commanding her, to take down her top, revealing her double D's to the camera (and potentially the neighbors). She was hesitant at first. "I will tell my wife of your disobedience" was all I had to say. However, as much as I loved the show, I could not watch it till the end, as my boss now also came out of the restaurant, having paid the bill. So I cut the connection and we went on our way to the hotel.
When we arrived at the hotel, my boss asked, whether we wanted to go for a drink at the bar. At the same time, my wife had already sent me a selfie with our car on the garage and her playing on her pussy, presumably watching Becky somehow. "Are you ready to watch" was the caption. So I thanked my boss again for the dinner and excused myself to my hotel room. "Give me a couple of minutes" was my answer to my wife. "Hurry up" she wrote, accompanied by a picture below her skirt, showing her pink pussy and her fluids already flowing down her legs. I quickly setup my tablet and connected it to the WIFI. While I was doing this I received several messages from my wife. The first one was a picture, showing a top view into her corsage, showing clearly, that it was unable to really tame her tits, with her areolas already visible. If a neighbor saw her on the way from the car to the house, he would have quite a look. I was secretly hoping for that to happen. I know some of the neighbors had already checked out Becky or other visitors to our house when they arrived in playtime "clothes" but my wife so far had mostly gone unnoticed by the neighbors. The second picture was a screenshot from one of our bedroom cameras on my wife's phone, showing Becky, lying on her back, her tits once again hidden by her latex top, her legs spread wide open towards the camera. Her skirt had moved upwards and was lying on her hips. The buttplug was replaced by a vibrator, and she also had a vibrator inserted into her pussy. I admired once again the contrast of her pink flesh to the dark chocolate color of her body. "I have the remotes" my wife wrote with a winking emoji. "Hurry up, I'm horny". "Me too" I thought, "and it's not helping that you send me these pictures". Finally I had an internet connection ready and connected onto our home VPN to access the cameras. "I'm in" I wrote to my wife. "Going in" was her answer.
While I waited for my wife to appear, I watched Becky on the tablet. She was still pretty much in the same pose as before and I could only imagine, that she was in this pose, because my wife had ordered her so. She really loved to submit herself to both of us, what made the evenings with her fun. Suddenly I could see her shiver and heard hear moans getting louder. I could see her fighting, but ultimately losing the fight against her orgasm, induced by the two vibrators in her pussy and ass, controlled by my wife. Only a few seconds later I hear high heels coming up the stairs and my wife entering the room. She had added black, knee high leather boots to her already seducing outfit and held a small whip in her hand. I saw Becky's eyes widen, it was a mixture of lust and fear. "You know you can tell me to stop at any time if it is too much," my wife said ."It is fine, I dreamed about playing with a whip, just haven't done it yet. But please be gentle, "was Becky's answer. "Did I stutter, when I told you not to come?" My wife now said in a fake angry voice. She followed it up with a lash onto her top and the boob below. I could hear the sound and I saw Becky flinch for a split-second. But her eyes told, that she was okay with what happened. "Sorry Madam. It was just to much pleasure you gave me with the vibrators," Becky whispered. "So now this is my fault you cannot control yourself?" My wife asked while still faking anger, followed by a lash onto the other boob. "No Madam, I did not obey your orders. What can I do to make it up?" "That will be up to me, I already have some ideas." My wife said to her, while she positioned a few whiplashes around Becky's pussy. You could already see the mixture of pain and lust in Becky's eyes.
From the messages before, and the show I got on camera my cock was already more than rock hard and I hurried to get rid off my pants and boxers, to release the pain this was causing me. That was when I realized, the blinds were still open, so I corrected this mistake quickly. No need to be seen masturbating in a conference hotel.
On my screen the action now got more intense. "Why are you still dressed?" My wife asked. I laughed out, because the short top and the extremely short skirt that was already hanging on Becky's hips could barely be counted as dressed, as she didn't even wear any underwear. "Get these skimpy clothes of your body" was the next command. To reinforce this statement two whiplashes onto each boob were added. Becky quickly got up, robbing me of the view between her legs and wanted to pull her top over her head, her back to my wife and the camera. She was interrupted by a whiplash onto her ass, as the skirt still was hanging on her hips. This time my wife seemingly had put more force into it, as for a short time you could see the impact on Becky's chocolate skin. "No need to hide. Make it a show for me and the camera". Becky obeyed. She turned around and started pulling up her top above her DD tits, covering them with her hands, playing a little bit by pushing them left right and up and down before performing a boob drop and finally pushing her top over her head. She let it turn around one of her fingers before throwing it on the general direction of my wife. While her boobs are a lot smaller than my wife's G-Cups, due to her taller but skinnier stature and chocolate color, those were my second favorite boobs. Her areolas were forward facing and she had quite a gap in between them. And they looked incredibly sexy in the current lighting, bouncing with every of Becky's movements. My wife nodded approvingly. Afterwards Becky started pulling down her skirt while moving laszivly. Her boobs and her hips moving while she slowly hid her pussy before revealing it again. She got down on her knees, spreading her legs for my wife and me before she got out of the skirt, pushed it aside and got up again. Unfortunately for her, the vibrator fell out of her pussy during this movement. A second later she got another whiplash on her pussy. "Did I tell you to loose the vibrator?" My wife said in a harsh voice. "No Madam." Becky said, lowering her head. "Well, then pick it up and put it where it belongs again. Becky started bending her knees and lowering her back, when she was once again interrupted by a whiplash targeted at her right tit. "Not like that. Turn around and bend over, we want to see your ass." I think I caught a short grin on Becky's face. She definitely did not mind what my wife did to her. She turned around, spread her legs so I would be able to see her face and upper body between them, bent over, wiggled with her ass, which of course also caused her tits to wiggle in front of her face. This of course also revealed the vibrator in her butt. Just when Becky had her fingers on the vibrator on the floor I could hear her moan and saw her legs shaking. My wife now stood besides her, facing the camera holding the remote in the hand that did not hold the whip. With shaking hands from arousal Becky tried to take up the vibrator again, and just when her fingers were there, my wife increased the intensity with the remote again, leading to Becky losing control and collapsing on the floor. As soon as her body hit the floor another whiplash hit her ass. "Am I talking incomprehensibly? You are not to come without my permission and you are asked to get this vibrator into your worthless pussy while showing your fucking ass. What is so hard about that?" While talking, my wife added additional whiplashes onto her ass with a couple of them also hitting the pussy area. "I'm sick of this, now get your worthless body onto the bed and open your legs to the camera". "Yes Madam" was the only answer from Becky. When she got up I glimpsed a look in her face and saw it was pure lust, despite the pain.
Up until now I had started playing with myself. The view and sound on my tablet were just to arousing. I realized, that I was already close to cumming, but there would be more action for me to watch. Nevertheless I couldn't stop, and a few quick strokes and I came in 3 high squirts over my upper body. In the meanwhile the action on the screen continued.
As ordered, Becky lay down as she had been before only now her tits were also clearly visible on camera. My wife bent down herself, making sure I got a good show and picked up the vibrator Becky had failed to pick up twice. She shoved it into Becky's pussy again, before she used the remote again to set both vibrators in Becky's ass an pussy to their lowest setting again. Becky's pelvis moved, as the overstimulation was to much again. My wife once again addressed her: "This should be about me, not you! Time you put your body to some use. Now get me out of my skirt." She ordered, standing next to the bed, with her ass to the camera. Becky sat up, her open pussy still facing the camera and giving me a prime look at her tits. She undid my wife's belt and started pulling down the skirt. My wife supported this with very erotic moves and just a few seconds later I had the perfect view onto the greatest ass in the galaxy. The right roundness, perfect size, perfect shape and feel and just overall perfect for me. My wife pushed Becky back onto the bed, while at the same time bending over, revealing the buttplug and vibrator she had in herself. This movement was also to much for her corsage and her tits fell out. "Make yourself useful and suck on my tits!" was her next command, to which Becky promptly obeyed while my wife made quite a show out of removing the vibrator from her pussy. She spread her legs, shaking that great ass and slowly pulled out the vibrator millimeter by millimeter and pushing it in 5 millimeters in again for every 10 millimeters she had pulled it out. When she was done, she climbed onto the bed sat up and pushed Becky's upper body down. She then climbed over Becky's face and began riding on her face. Becky understood what to do and gave her best to luck my wife's pussy. My wife's boobs jumped around on her chest, which made her abandon her whip and she started massaging and playing with them, while leaning slightly backwards. This gave me a great view and made me hard again in an instant. Also due to my wife's movements on the bed, Becky's tits started to wiggle, but she needed her hands to ensure my wife's thighs had sufficient space in between for her not to suffocate. This got more and more difficult, as my wife quickly approached her orgasm. It took her less than 2 minutes before she collapsed forward, her face more or less falling onto Becky's pussy. My wife catched her breath for half a minute or so, before she pulled herself up again, grabbed her whip and climbed down from Becky. Becky's face was covered in my wife's fluids, it almost looked like my wife had squirted onto Becky's face. Becky also sat up and catched her breath.
My wife held up Becky's face by placing her whip below her chin. "Good girl, seems like you are good for something. I think you have earned some reward." She said and gave Becky two gentle whiplashes onto her nipples, which made Becky moan again. My wife bent down beside the bed, showing me her great ass with the buttplug again and opened our toy drawer. She grabbed a blindfold and tossed it to Becky. "Put that on, and get on your knees, face to the camera." Becky went on her knees and elbows, what resulted in a harsh whiplash on her ass. "On your hands, not your elbows" and as Becky took to long for her liking, a second whiplash followed. Now Becky obeyed and stayed more upright. Next my wife went, and repositioned the camera, so now the camera was low enough to look between Becky's legs. Next, my wife pulls out a dual vibrator we had bought recently. She inserted the short part as advertised into her vagina and went behind Becky. She then removed the vibrators from Becky's pussy and ass and slowly started to insert the long part of the double vibrator into Becky's pussy. I was able to see Becky's surprised look through the blindfold, as my wife's pelvis touched Becky's ass and she realized, what was happening. The next surprise came, when my wife activated the vibrations and started fucking her Doggystyle. I was almost in heaven. Seeing a pair of DD tits bouncing in the big picture, and my wife's G-Cups also bouncing in the background while my wife grabbed Becky by the hips and gave her a pounding was an absolutely fantastic view. This went on for about 10 minutes, with me wanking of in my hotel bed, my wife pounding the dogsitter Doggystyle and the dogsitter moaning loudly. It seemed, the double vibrator had some kind of burst mode, as both women increased and decreased their volume in regular intervals. After 10 minutes the two women collapsed over each other from their orgasm and I also came again.
After everyone had catched their breath again, my wife told Becky she could go home now, she would still make the last train even with some time to wash herself. After Becky was gone, my wife and myself had video call under our showers. After that we said goodnight. My wife told me, to have fun on the conference reception the next day, but to not forget my camera...
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Looking at my watch, I saw, it was the doorbell which caused the vibration. Already distracted from my presentation I pulled out my phone. Opening the doorbell app, I just so see, that my wife asks Becky, our young black dogsitter with her DD boobs into the house. "Curious" I thought, my wife hadn't told me, she wanted to go out that evening. It was a Tuesday, so it was her usual day for her Zumba class, but that would have meant leaving the dogs alone for about 1 and a half hours, so no need for a dogsitter. However, judging from what little I had seen, Becky was wearing an extremely short black latex skirt and a minimalist latex crop top, the full outfit barely covering her tits, ass and pussy. In addition to a black leather collar, it looked like my wife had ordered her in with other stuff in mind than just watching the dogs, even if there was the possibility, Becky's outfit was just due to the 30+ degree heatwave we were having.
A few minutes later, my phone vibrated again. It was a text from my wife. "Heading out to Zumba". She followed it up with a picture of her in her sports dress. Due to the heat she only wore tight short pants, a very tight revealing top and her sports bra. So her petite size combined with her chubby figure and her big tits were easy to spot. "Looking great" I answered. "Have fun, love you". "You have any plans later?" She asked. "No" I answered. "I won't be able to make it to swimming today. I'm not even at the hotel yet. So just dinner with my boss and then I will head for the bed." I replied. "Ok" was the only answer I got.
My boss and I checked into the hotel and found a place to eat, when I got another message from my wife. It was a shower selfie from the gym, showing her having her tits soaped up. I had to make sure, nobody saw my developing boner below a napkin. And this was also unusual, as my wife normally prefers to shower at home. What did she have planned. "Going out?" I asked her. I didn't get an answer for a while. Then I got another selfie. My wife was now wearing a long, tight, black PU skirt, and a black leather corsage, which was barely able to keep her G-Cups inside. She also had makeup on and her black hair with a tint of red worked perfectly with her black lipstick. A second picture showed, that she did not wear panties, but a buttplug. "Gonna surprise Becky" was her answer to my previous question. "Let's check whether she obeyed" was the next text I got, before I had an incoming videocall from the group my wife had created for the three of us. I excused myself from the table and left the table, while keeping the lid of my phone case closed. I took a Bluetooth headset out of my pocket and went outside to take the call. As soon as I did, I had to hold my breath. My wife held up her phone in her car in a way, that Becky and I had perfect view of her cleavage, while Becky was clearly sitting on our terrace, wearing the earlier described outfit, her legs spread apart and her camera clearly showing that she also had inserted a buttplug and additionally a vibrator in her pussy, pleasuring herself. From her position I could see, that there was a very slim, but not zero chance she could be seen by a passing neighbor. "Good girl" I heard my wife's voice. "Expect me home in 20 minutes. Keep going with the vibrator but do not come before I'm home or you will regret it". "Yes Madam" was Becky's answer. "Now put on a show for my husband" my wife again commanded. I watched the vibrator going in and out her pink pussy, which contrasted nicely with her chocolate skin, before commanding her, to take down her top, revealing her double D's to the camera (and potentially the neighbors). She was hesitant at first. "I will tell my wife of your disobedience" was all I had to say. However, as much as I loved the show, I could not watch it till the end, as my boss now also came out of the restaurant, having paid the bill. So I cut the connection and we went on our way to the hotel.
When we arrived at the hotel, my boss asked, whether we wanted to go for a drink at the bar. At the same time, my wife had already sent me a selfie with our car on the garage and her playing on her pussy, presumably watching Becky somehow. "Are you ready to watch" was the caption. So I thanked my boss again for the dinner and excused myself to my hotel room. "Give me a couple of minutes" was my answer to my wife. "Hurry up" she wrote, accompanied by a picture below her skirt, showing her pink pussy and her fluids already flowing down her legs. I quickly setup my tablet and connected it to the WIFI. While I was doing this I received several messages from my wife. The first one was a picture, showing a top view into her corsage, showing clearly, that it was unable to really tame her tits, with her areolas already visible. If a neighbor saw her on the way from the car to the house, he would have quite a look. I was secretly hoping for that to happen. I know some of the neighbors had already checked out Becky or other visitors to our house when they arrived in playtime "clothes" but my wife so far had mostly gone unnoticed by the neighbors. The second picture was a screenshot from one of our bedroom cameras on my wife's phone, showing Becky, lying on her back, her tits once again hidden by her latex top, her legs spread wide open towards the camera. Her skirt had moved upwards and was lying on her hips. The buttplug was replaced by a vibrator, and she also had a vibrator inserted into her pussy. I admired once again the contrast of her pink flesh to the dark chocolate color of her body. "I have the remotes" my wife wrote with a winking emoji. "Hurry up, I'm horny". "Me too" I thought, "and it's not helping that you send me these pictures". Finally I had an internet connection ready and connected onto our home VPN to access the cameras. "I'm in" I wrote to my wife. "Going in" was her answer.
While I waited for my wife to appear, I watched Becky on the tablet. She was still pretty much in the same pose as before and I could only imagine, that she was in this pose, because my wife had ordered her so. She really loved to submit herself to both of us, what made the evenings with her fun. Suddenly I could see her shiver and heard hear moans getting louder. I could see her fighting, but ultimately losing the fight against her orgasm, induced by the two vibrators in her pussy and ass, controlled by my wife. Only a few seconds later I hear high heels coming up the stairs and my wife entering the room. She had added black, knee high leather boots to her already seducing outfit and held a small whip in her hand. I saw Becky's eyes widen, it was a mixture of lust and fear. "You know you can tell me to stop at any time if it is too much," my wife said ."It is fine, I dreamed about playing with a whip, just haven't done it yet. But please be gentle, "was Becky's answer. "Did I stutter, when I told you not to come?" My wife now said in a fake angry voice. She followed it up with a lash onto her top and the boob below. I could hear the sound and I saw Becky flinch for a split-second. But her eyes told, that she was okay with what happened. "Sorry Madam. It was just to much pleasure you gave me with the vibrators," Becky whispered. "So now this is my fault you cannot control yourself?" My wife asked while still faking anger, followed by a lash onto the other boob. "No Madam, I did not obey your orders. What can I do to make it up?" "That will be up to me, I already have some ideas." My wife said to her, while she positioned a few whiplashes around Becky's pussy. You could already see the mixture of pain and lust in Becky's eyes.
From the messages before, and the show I got on camera my cock was already more than rock hard and I hurried to get rid off my pants and boxers, to release the pain this was causing me. That was when I realized, the blinds were still open, so I corrected this mistake quickly. No need to be seen masturbating in a conference hotel.
On my screen the action now got more intense. "Why are you still dressed?" My wife asked. I laughed out, because the short top and the extremely short skirt that was already hanging on Becky's hips could barely be counted as dressed, as she didn't even wear any underwear. "Get these skimpy clothes of your body" was the next command. To reinforce this statement two whiplashes onto each boob were added. Becky quickly got up, robbing me of the view between her legs and wanted to pull her top over her head, her back to my wife and the camera. She was interrupted by a whiplash onto her ass, as the skirt still was hanging on her hips. This time my wife seemingly had put more force into it, as for a short time you could see the impact on Becky's chocolate skin. "No need to hide. Make it a show for me and the camera". Becky obeyed. She turned around and started pulling up her top above her DD tits, covering them with her hands, playing a little bit by pushing them left right and up and down before performing a boob drop and finally pushing her top over her head. She let it turn around one of her fingers before throwing it on the general direction of my wife. While her boobs are a lot smaller than my wife's G-Cups, due to her taller but skinnier stature and chocolate color, those were my second favorite boobs. Her areolas were forward facing and she had quite a gap in between them. And they looked incredibly sexy in the current lighting, bouncing with every of Becky's movements. My wife nodded approvingly. Afterwards Becky started pulling down her skirt while moving laszivly. Her boobs and her hips moving while she slowly hid her pussy before revealing it again. She got down on her knees, spreading her legs for my wife and me before she got out of the skirt, pushed it aside and got up again. Unfortunately for her, the vibrator fell out of her pussy during this movement. A second later she got another whiplash on her pussy. "Did I tell you to loose the vibrator?" My wife said in a harsh voice. "No Madam." Becky said, lowering her head. "Well, then pick it up and put it where it belongs again. Becky started bending her knees and lowering her back, when she was once again interrupted by a whiplash targeted at her right tit. "Not like that. Turn around and bend over, we want to see your ass." I think I caught a short grin on Becky's face. She definitely did not mind what my wife did to her. She turned around, spread her legs so I would be able to see her face and upper body between them, bent over, wiggled with her ass, which of course also caused her tits to wiggle in front of her face. This of course also revealed the vibrator in her butt. Just when Becky had her fingers on the vibrator on the floor I could hear her moan and saw her legs shaking. My wife now stood besides her, facing the camera holding the remote in the hand that did not hold the whip. With shaking hands from arousal Becky tried to take up the vibrator again, and just when her fingers were there, my wife increased the intensity with the remote again, leading to Becky losing control and collapsing on the floor. As soon as her body hit the floor another whiplash hit her ass. "Am I talking incomprehensibly? You are not to come without my permission and you are asked to get this vibrator into your worthless pussy while showing your fucking ass. What is so hard about that?" While talking, my wife added additional whiplashes onto her ass with a couple of them also hitting the pussy area. "I'm sick of this, now get your worthless body onto the bed and open your legs to the camera". "Yes Madam" was the only answer from Becky. When she got up I glimpsed a look in her face and saw it was pure lust, despite the pain.
Up until now I had started playing with myself. The view and sound on my tablet were just to arousing. I realized, that I was already close to cumming, but there would be more action for me to watch. Nevertheless I couldn't stop, and a few quick strokes and I came in 3 high squirts over my upper body. In the meanwhile the action on the screen continued.
As ordered, Becky lay down as she had been before only now her tits were also clearly visible on camera. My wife bent down herself, making sure I got a good show and picked up the vibrator Becky had failed to pick up twice. She shoved it into Becky's pussy again, before she used the remote again to set both vibrators in Becky's ass an pussy to their lowest setting again. Becky's pelvis moved, as the overstimulation was to much again. My wife once again addressed her: "This should be about me, not you! Time you put your body to some use. Now get me out of my skirt." She ordered, standing next to the bed, with her ass to the camera. Becky sat up, her open pussy still facing the camera and giving me a prime look at her tits. She undid my wife's belt and started pulling down the skirt. My wife supported this with very erotic moves and just a few seconds later I had the perfect view onto the greatest ass in the galaxy. The right roundness, perfect size, perfect shape and feel and just overall perfect for me. My wife pushed Becky back onto the bed, while at the same time bending over, revealing the buttplug and vibrator she had in herself. This movement was also to much for her corsage and her tits fell out. "Make yourself useful and suck on my tits!" was her next command, to which Becky promptly obeyed while my wife made quite a show out of removing the vibrator from her pussy. She spread her legs, shaking that great ass and slowly pulled out the vibrator millimeter by millimeter and pushing it in 5 millimeters in again for every 10 millimeters she had pulled it out. When she was done, she climbed onto the bed sat up and pushed Becky's upper body down. She then climbed over Becky's face and began riding on her face. Becky understood what to do and gave her best to luck my wife's pussy. My wife's boobs jumped around on her chest, which made her abandon her whip and she started massaging and playing with them, while leaning slightly backwards. This gave me a great view and made me hard again in an instant. Also due to my wife's movements on the bed, Becky's tits started to wiggle, but she needed her hands to ensure my wife's thighs had sufficient space in between for her not to suffocate. This got more and more difficult, as my wife quickly approached her orgasm. It took her less than 2 minutes before she collapsed forward, her face more or less falling onto Becky's pussy. My wife catched her breath for half a minute or so, before she pulled herself up again, grabbed her whip and climbed down from Becky. Becky's face was covered in my wife's fluids, it almost looked like my wife had squirted onto Becky's face. Becky also sat up and catched her breath.
My wife held up Becky's face by placing her whip below her chin. "Good girl, seems like you are good for something. I think you have earned some reward." She said and gave Becky two gentle whiplashes onto her nipples, which made Becky moan again. My wife bent down beside the bed, showing me her great ass with the buttplug again and opened our toy drawer. She grabbed a blindfold and tossed it to Becky. "Put that on, and get on your knees, face to the camera." Becky went on her knees and elbows, what resulted in a harsh whiplash on her ass. "On your hands, not your elbows" and as Becky took to long for her liking, a second whiplash followed. Now Becky obeyed and stayed more upright. Next my wife went, and repositioned the camera, so now the camera was low enough to look between Becky's legs. Next, my wife pulls out a dual vibrator we had bought recently. She inserted the short part as advertised into her vagina and went behind Becky. She then removed the vibrators from Becky's pussy and ass and slowly started to insert the long part of the double vibrator into Becky's pussy. I was able to see Becky's surprised look through the blindfold, as my wife's pelvis touched Becky's ass and she realized, what was happening. The next surprise came, when my wife activated the vibrations and started fucking her Doggystyle. I was almost in heaven. Seeing a pair of DD tits bouncing in the big picture, and my wife's G-Cups also bouncing in the background while my wife grabbed Becky by the hips and gave her a pounding was an absolutely fantastic view. This went on for about 10 minutes, with me wanking of in my hotel bed, my wife pounding the dogsitter Doggystyle and the dogsitter moaning loudly. It seemed, the double vibrator had some kind of burst mode, as both women increased and decreased their volume in regular intervals. After 10 minutes the two women collapsed over each other from their orgasm and I also came again.
After everyone had catched their breath again, my wife told Becky she could go home now, she would still make the last train even with some time to wash herself. After Becky was gone, my wife and myself had video call under our showers. After that we said goodnight. My wife told me, to have fun on the conference reception the next day, but to not forget my camera...
2024.05.21 14:20 Ecstatic-Divide7281 Husband secretly messaging femboys / trans women
I'm really tired and know that however I explain this I'll get people saying he's gay or I'm dumb, but please try to be careful as I'm at an sensitive state with various things going on in my life so would appreciate kindness if possible.
My info: 36(f), husband 36(m). My husband has always acted very caring and loving with me. Always seemed to enjoy sex and been turned on by me, compliments me and always trying to touch me in bed etc. So I've never felt undesired or that he wasn't attracted to me as a woman. He also shows attraction to other women eg on TV / I've noticed him side glance at attractive women, not men though.
Anyway here's the timeline of events: - met in 2010 when we were both 22, summer romance fell head over heels. During this time saw a message on his phone when he'd gotten out of bed and was curious if he messaged family/had many friends so glanced at his text message list - 3rd most recent was a couple weeks before we met arranging a hookup with a guy but he bailed out last minute, no further communication. This shocked me but I've always been open to bisexual people and was very promiscuous with men before I met him so I didn't see it was my business. Also I was ashamed for looking at his phone.
Anyway I'm not against him having kinks or being attracted to trans women or fem boys. In fact I find it endearing that he appreciates femininity on different people and I've always been put off by guys that get offended or grossed out by anything gay or queer. I think he may be ashamed as he may not think anyone would accept it etc so trying to hide his attraction/preferences. I've always tried to show I'm open but he's never admitted his attractions.
The thing that upsets me is the messaging. If he was messaging other women I don't think I could have forgiven it. Or at least I'd never get past it For some reason because it's men/ trans women I see it differently and not affecting me, I don't know why.
I don't want to upset him as I don't think I can fulfill him fully sexually so I guess the only answer is he never acts on it or we have an open marriage. I don't know whether I'd be ok with an open marriage, maybe I'd be ok with only messaging as long as it wasn't secret (I wouldn't need to read the messages but would at least want to know if he still engages in general).
Is this all mad or are there other relationships like this, or am I a complete fool? I am obviously not trusting of him anymore if I keep checking his phone so I think this is a big issue in the relationship first of all.
(I do see trans women as women but I have a feeling he is interested 'because' they are trans in a kink way which I'm not sure if this is common but maybe these women are ok with men seeking out for these reasons I'm not sure)
submitted by Ecstatic-Divide7281 to Infidelity [link] [comments]
My info: 36(f), husband 36(m). My husband has always acted very caring and loving with me. Always seemed to enjoy sex and been turned on by me, compliments me and always trying to touch me in bed etc. So I've never felt undesired or that he wasn't attracted to me as a woman. He also shows attraction to other women eg on TV / I've noticed him side glance at attractive women, not men though.
Anyway here's the timeline of events: - met in 2010 when we were both 22, summer romance fell head over heels. During this time saw a message on his phone when he'd gotten out of bed and was curious if he messaged family/had many friends so glanced at his text message list - 3rd most recent was a couple weeks before we met arranging a hookup with a guy but he bailed out last minute, no further communication. This shocked me but I've always been open to bisexual people and was very promiscuous with men before I met him so I didn't see it was my business. Also I was ashamed for looking at his phone.
- after 4 years living together, he was at work and I was trying to log into my emails on the TV browser - his was already logged in and I saw a read email from Craigslist. I opened it for some reason and saw he was arranging a hookup with a man on Craigslist whilst I was away visiting family. Words included 'while my gf is away'. The other person cancelled the meetup in the next responses. Another ad he'd messaged (but received no reply) was to a trans woman. I sat frozen for hours and confronted him when he got home. He said he'd been really drunk and it really turned him on to imagine hooking up with a guy but would never have followed through with it. I argued the other person cancelled but he was adamant he could have never have done it and was so ashamed when he woke up the next day. After weeks of going over it I eventually decided to forgive him as I can understand being really drunk and making a mistake as I myself have almost led people on whilst being drunk on a night out before admitting I'm not single. I did it for attention and it was stupid.
- after another 2 years I became curious if he'd done anything like that since and looked in his phone when he wasn't in the room. I knew it was wrong but I guess I knew something must have happened since. I found another ad on Craigslist arranging a 'mutual wank' but didn't see any replies or any further messages. I confronted him about it and again he said he just gets really turned on at the idea and messaging someone but would never follow through. I felt completely depressed for a while but I forgave again and we discussed sexual desires etc and he said he would really enjoy anal penetration (me doing it to him) so after a few months when I felt ready we did this a few times and he absolutely loved it.
- after another 3 years we've now got 3 children (one plus twins) and unfortunately haven't done anal since pre children and then recently I started getting curious again and I checked his password manager on Google to see if I noticed anything strange. I found Kik account and noted the password and logged in on my phone (I couldn't find the app on his). It says account was created 2.5 years ago and I can see 2 contacts, one is a guy and another is a "femboy" who is also on Instagram and only fans. There's no chat history because Kik doesn't save it when you log in elsewhere.
Anyway I'm not against him having kinks or being attracted to trans women or fem boys. In fact I find it endearing that he appreciates femininity on different people and I've always been put off by guys that get offended or grossed out by anything gay or queer. I think he may be ashamed as he may not think anyone would accept it etc so trying to hide his attraction/preferences. I've always tried to show I'm open but he's never admitted his attractions.
The thing that upsets me is the messaging. If he was messaging other women I don't think I could have forgiven it. Or at least I'd never get past it For some reason because it's men/ trans women I see it differently and not affecting me, I don't know why.
I don't want to upset him as I don't think I can fulfill him fully sexually so I guess the only answer is he never acts on it or we have an open marriage. I don't know whether I'd be ok with an open marriage, maybe I'd be ok with only messaging as long as it wasn't secret (I wouldn't need to read the messages but would at least want to know if he still engages in general).
Is this all mad or are there other relationships like this, or am I a complete fool? I am obviously not trusting of him anymore if I keep checking his phone so I think this is a big issue in the relationship first of all.
(I do see trans women as women but I have a feeling he is interested 'because' they are trans in a kink way which I'm not sure if this is common but maybe these women are ok with men seeking out for these reasons I'm not sure)
2024.05.21 14:19 Gharzak Kid cheated me on mowing my house
I need some advice.
So last Friday I was leaving for a three day trip and as I was putting my bags in the car a neighbor kid walked by with a lawnmower and asked if they could mow my lawn. I said sure, the kid gets money and my lawn needed mowing. Win. Win.
Anyways I gave him a piece of paper with my # on it that he gave to his older brother cause i didn't have cash so I could send him money on Zelle, which is one of the apps like paypal or cash app.
Anyways later that evening the brother reaches out and I send the Money, and ask for pictures of my yard the next day which he says sure to and which I never get.
Anyways I get back from my trip Sunday night and this kid only partially did just my front lawn, like my lawn has looked horrible for three days and I message the brother in the morning to figure out what happened and he tells me he will get to the bottom of it. So the kid showed up Monday and says sorry, and gave a excuse on why he couldn't finish my lawn during the weekend then I ask if he can finish now and he says yes. And starts on my lawn again, this is at about 4pm, Anyways I went back to bed cause i am on night shift and was asleep, I get up and look at my lawn and the kid had done only one side and the rest of the front and left the other side and the backyard and was nowhere to be seen. It is like 5pm, he mowed for like 10/15 mins, like I only live on a quarter acre, at most my lawn would take a hour to do with a push mower. Like I had specifically told the kid that I had unlocked the backyard so he could mow that, it was very clear I had meant for him to do my whole yard.
So I message the brother and ask what is going on and have not got a message, I sent another text this morning asking to speak with a parent which I'm probably not going to get a response to.
What should I do?
Like obviously I could have just done my lawn myself but I'm recently back on night shift and having a hard time of it, and thought I could throw this kid some money, like when I was his age I mowed my grand parents lawn for 10$'s and loved having that extra pocket money each summer and thought I could pay that forward.
Should I just move on and just get the lawn completed myself and drop the whole thing and write this off as a loss or should I try to get in touch with this kids parents for my money back or something look that, idk
I thought about calling the non emergency police number, cause I have a phone number that they should be able to track and get a house number or something, and let the police take care of it, or at the least get advice from them.
I just feel so taken advantage of when I tried to do something nice for a neighbor, and it's like spoiled my whole weekend, I can't stop thinking about it.
submitted by Gharzak to Advice [link] [comments]
So last Friday I was leaving for a three day trip and as I was putting my bags in the car a neighbor kid walked by with a lawnmower and asked if they could mow my lawn. I said sure, the kid gets money and my lawn needed mowing. Win. Win.
Anyways I gave him a piece of paper with my # on it that he gave to his older brother cause i didn't have cash so I could send him money on Zelle, which is one of the apps like paypal or cash app.
Anyways later that evening the brother reaches out and I send the Money, and ask for pictures of my yard the next day which he says sure to and which I never get.
Anyways I get back from my trip Sunday night and this kid only partially did just my front lawn, like my lawn has looked horrible for three days and I message the brother in the morning to figure out what happened and he tells me he will get to the bottom of it. So the kid showed up Monday and says sorry, and gave a excuse on why he couldn't finish my lawn during the weekend then I ask if he can finish now and he says yes. And starts on my lawn again, this is at about 4pm, Anyways I went back to bed cause i am on night shift and was asleep, I get up and look at my lawn and the kid had done only one side and the rest of the front and left the other side and the backyard and was nowhere to be seen. It is like 5pm, he mowed for like 10/15 mins, like I only live on a quarter acre, at most my lawn would take a hour to do with a push mower. Like I had specifically told the kid that I had unlocked the backyard so he could mow that, it was very clear I had meant for him to do my whole yard.
So I message the brother and ask what is going on and have not got a message, I sent another text this morning asking to speak with a parent which I'm probably not going to get a response to.
What should I do?
Like obviously I could have just done my lawn myself but I'm recently back on night shift and having a hard time of it, and thought I could throw this kid some money, like when I was his age I mowed my grand parents lawn for 10$'s and loved having that extra pocket money each summer and thought I could pay that forward.
Should I just move on and just get the lawn completed myself and drop the whole thing and write this off as a loss or should I try to get in touch with this kids parents for my money back or something look that, idk
I thought about calling the non emergency police number, cause I have a phone number that they should be able to track and get a house number or something, and let the police take care of it, or at the least get advice from them.
I just feel so taken advantage of when I tried to do something nice for a neighbor, and it's like spoiled my whole weekend, I can't stop thinking about it.
2024.05.21 14:02 Ashcca I feel like people purposely misunderstand me
Im a support worker for adults with disabilities. Today 40 minutes before my shift started my manager text me telling me I wasn't working in my usual building and I needed to cover at a cafe as someone phoned in sick.
This meant I then had to rush to find my uniform that I have to wear when in the cafe, it meant I had major anxiety because my plan for the day had changed last minute and it made my daughter 30 minutes late for school as I'd had to change my clothes and then my anxiety attack held me up.
I messaged my manager saying I understood that someone had phoned in sick but as occupational health had written on my forms, could she please avoid doing last minute changes to my schedule as I'm autistic and really struggle with this, that I was fine to go to the new location but just asked her to remember what was agreed with occupational health about last minute changes and to let me know at a minimum the night before instead of waking up to the news and causing a meltdown.
She was so unsympathetic, told me that I shouldn't have gone to occupational health behind her back (everyone has to have a meeting with them when they join the company, she arranged it so I'm not sure why she is saying it's behind her back) she said I knew about the cafe during the interview (again, I don't have a problem with working in the other location but when I've got less than an hours notice I'm there and it means getting my daughter to school on time is affected because I have to get changed, as well as the anxiety of my working day being changed last second then there is an issue) and that the needs of the business have to come first and last minute changes will definitely happen again.
I have tried to be open with her, I was polite and explained that its a result of my disability. We are a company that supports disabled adults, i thought she'd have empathy but instead I feel like she purposely misunderstood me and had no empathy when it took me so much to be able to open up about how it had affected me.
I'm not sure what else I could have done but I feel so deflated now.
submitted by Ashcca to AutismInWomen [link] [comments]
This meant I then had to rush to find my uniform that I have to wear when in the cafe, it meant I had major anxiety because my plan for the day had changed last minute and it made my daughter 30 minutes late for school as I'd had to change my clothes and then my anxiety attack held me up.
I messaged my manager saying I understood that someone had phoned in sick but as occupational health had written on my forms, could she please avoid doing last minute changes to my schedule as I'm autistic and really struggle with this, that I was fine to go to the new location but just asked her to remember what was agreed with occupational health about last minute changes and to let me know at a minimum the night before instead of waking up to the news and causing a meltdown.
She was so unsympathetic, told me that I shouldn't have gone to occupational health behind her back (everyone has to have a meeting with them when they join the company, she arranged it so I'm not sure why she is saying it's behind her back) she said I knew about the cafe during the interview (again, I don't have a problem with working in the other location but when I've got less than an hours notice I'm there and it means getting my daughter to school on time is affected because I have to get changed, as well as the anxiety of my working day being changed last second then there is an issue) and that the needs of the business have to come first and last minute changes will definitely happen again.
I have tried to be open with her, I was polite and explained that its a result of my disability. We are a company that supports disabled adults, i thought she'd have empathy but instead I feel like she purposely misunderstood me and had no empathy when it took me so much to be able to open up about how it had affected me.
I'm not sure what else I could have done but I feel so deflated now.
2024.05.21 13:51 Best-Abies4960 Am I delusional?
Should I give up and move on? I don’t really know why I’m even asking the question because deep down I know the answer. At the end of last year I (23 M) was dating this girl (20 F). She studies in a different city so we didn’t see each other that much but we connected very well, and very soon I was starting to fall hard for her. After a few parties together we were spending the weekend together. This went very well and for the first time in my life I was in love. I have to tell you also that I have never been in a relationship before and I was a virgin. She knew this but didn’t make a big deal out of it which I loved. This weekend was a week before Christmas. We verbally agreed that we would see each other on new years evening.
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much!
submitted by Best-Abies4960 to dating [link] [comments]
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much!
2024.05.21 13:51 Best-Abies4960 Am I delusional?
Should I give up and move on? I don’t really know why I’m even asking the question because deep down I know the answer. At the end of last year I (23 M) was dating this girl (20 F). She studies in a different city so we didn’t see each other that much but we connected very well, and very soon I was starting to fall hard for her. After a few parties together we were spending the weekend together. This went very well and for the first time in my life I was in love. I have to tell you also that I have never been in a relationship before and I was a virgin. She knew this but didn’t make a big deal out of it which I loved. This weekend was a week before Christmas. We verbally agreed that we would see each other on new years evening.
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much!
submitted by Best-Abies4960 to dating [link] [comments]
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much!
2024.05.21 13:41 Outside-Ebb7712 I(M24) finally broke up with my toxic girlfriend(F22). Need advice on how to stop thinking about her ?
After 2 years, I (M24) broke up with my girlfriend (F22). It was a beautiful and healthy relationship at the beginning, but it changed beyond recognition. Over time, she began to show her toxic, manipulative, and narcissistic nature. The whole world revolved around her, she could never admit her mistakes, and she blamed others for everything. She constantly blamed her parents for her anxieties, saying they didn't listen to her, understand her, or care if she was sad during her childhood. This is not true at all.
To clarify, we lived together in an apartment for about 6 months. The first two months were great, and she helped with household chores and cooking. But after those two months, something broke. When she came home from work, she would lie in bed all day watching TikToks and reality shows. I took care of the entire household—cooking, cleaning, and everything else. The only thing she occasionally did was laundry, and even then, I had to push and beg her to do it. Our sex life suddenly ended, and we didn't have sex for about 2 months. I've always been the type who likes to cuddle and have close contact with my partner. I could only cuddle her when she wanted to; if she didn't, she would just say that she was comfortable and didn't want to be touched.
She was nice only when she needed something; on those days, things were okay with her. But the next day, when she didn't need anything, she was withdrawn and indifferent. I tried to do everything for her, often driving her to and from work, buying her gifts, and getting her whatever she craved. I tried to be her support, but toward the end, she started rejecting it. It's weird because she kept telling me she loved me. About a month ago, she told me she loved me but couldn't fall in love with me. She said the problem was within her and that often, even when I did or said nothing, I annoyed her. This hurt me deeply, and I considered ending it back then.
Meanwhile, she started chatting with her ex-boyfriend, whom she met at a bar while out with her friend. They had a bad breakup, but they supposedly cleared things up and became friends, chatting every day since then. I felt strange and bad about it. Her relationship with me felt like it was out of principle, and she was just using me. She was only nice when she needed something. A week ago, she went on vacation to Turkey with her family, a trip I couldn't attend. We got her passport and everything ready together. On the first day of the vacation, she texted and called me, and I saw she was happy, which made me very happy. But after the first day, she only messaged me once every two days. When she returned from Turkey, I was on a hike with her dad. When I got home, I went to take a nap, and she was at her parents' place. I woke up to her knocking, standing there with three friends. I didn't get a kiss or a hug. She immediately left with her friends to go to a bar. I heard some quiet mocking and smirks but didn't address it. She closed the door, and everything hit me—all the sadness and melancholy of the past months. I felt like crap. I unpacked her suitcase with tears in my eyes, packed my things, and called my dad to come get me. I had a few beers on the hike and didn't want to risk driving. I texted her that I was going home. Her response was that she fully understood.
She had already told me that she was sorry for her behavior but didn't know any other way and that I didn't deserve this. Yesterday, I went back to clarify things and get the rest of my stuff. She told me that during her time in Turkey, she didn't miss me at all and didn't feel the need to text me. She realized then that this wasn't how it should be. We shed a few tears, and she asked if she could cuddle with me one last time, which broke my heart. I felt like crap. She helped me pack my things, and I left. She's probably going to stay with a friend. We were renting this apartment, so we'll just cancel the lease.
On the hike, her dad told me he was very happy that she found a guy like me and that he was sorry for how she was treating me. Even though she's his daughter, he said I didn't deserve this and should pack up and leave. He said she was like her mother and that I didn't want to end up like him. He told her the same thing when she came home—that she shouldn't treat me like trash and should either start acting normal or break up. Her mother told her she hoped she'd find another tyrant who would bully her and make her life hell like all her previous boyfriends.
Sorry for the long text, but I needed to vent and also put my thoughts together in case I need to remind myself why this was the right decision. There are probably many mistakes, so I apologize. English is not my first language, and this is my first experience with Reddit. Thank you for your feedback. I need advice on how to stop thinking about her. I'm afraid I might start stalking her on social media or want to message her. What was your way of avoiding this?
submitted by Outside-Ebb7712 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
To clarify, we lived together in an apartment for about 6 months. The first two months were great, and she helped with household chores and cooking. But after those two months, something broke. When she came home from work, she would lie in bed all day watching TikToks and reality shows. I took care of the entire household—cooking, cleaning, and everything else. The only thing she occasionally did was laundry, and even then, I had to push and beg her to do it. Our sex life suddenly ended, and we didn't have sex for about 2 months. I've always been the type who likes to cuddle and have close contact with my partner. I could only cuddle her when she wanted to; if she didn't, she would just say that she was comfortable and didn't want to be touched.
She was nice only when she needed something; on those days, things were okay with her. But the next day, when she didn't need anything, she was withdrawn and indifferent. I tried to do everything for her, often driving her to and from work, buying her gifts, and getting her whatever she craved. I tried to be her support, but toward the end, she started rejecting it. It's weird because she kept telling me she loved me. About a month ago, she told me she loved me but couldn't fall in love with me. She said the problem was within her and that often, even when I did or said nothing, I annoyed her. This hurt me deeply, and I considered ending it back then.
Meanwhile, she started chatting with her ex-boyfriend, whom she met at a bar while out with her friend. They had a bad breakup, but they supposedly cleared things up and became friends, chatting every day since then. I felt strange and bad about it. Her relationship with me felt like it was out of principle, and she was just using me. She was only nice when she needed something. A week ago, she went on vacation to Turkey with her family, a trip I couldn't attend. We got her passport and everything ready together. On the first day of the vacation, she texted and called me, and I saw she was happy, which made me very happy. But after the first day, she only messaged me once every two days. When she returned from Turkey, I was on a hike with her dad. When I got home, I went to take a nap, and she was at her parents' place. I woke up to her knocking, standing there with three friends. I didn't get a kiss or a hug. She immediately left with her friends to go to a bar. I heard some quiet mocking and smirks but didn't address it. She closed the door, and everything hit me—all the sadness and melancholy of the past months. I felt like crap. I unpacked her suitcase with tears in my eyes, packed my things, and called my dad to come get me. I had a few beers on the hike and didn't want to risk driving. I texted her that I was going home. Her response was that she fully understood.
She had already told me that she was sorry for her behavior but didn't know any other way and that I didn't deserve this. Yesterday, I went back to clarify things and get the rest of my stuff. She told me that during her time in Turkey, she didn't miss me at all and didn't feel the need to text me. She realized then that this wasn't how it should be. We shed a few tears, and she asked if she could cuddle with me one last time, which broke my heart. I felt like crap. She helped me pack my things, and I left. She's probably going to stay with a friend. We were renting this apartment, so we'll just cancel the lease.
On the hike, her dad told me he was very happy that she found a guy like me and that he was sorry for how she was treating me. Even though she's his daughter, he said I didn't deserve this and should pack up and leave. He said she was like her mother and that I didn't want to end up like him. He told her the same thing when she came home—that she shouldn't treat me like trash and should either start acting normal or break up. Her mother told her she hoped she'd find another tyrant who would bully her and make her life hell like all her previous boyfriends.
Sorry for the long text, but I needed to vent and also put my thoughts together in case I need to remind myself why this was the right decision. There are probably many mistakes, so I apologize. English is not my first language, and this is my first experience with Reddit. Thank you for your feedback. I need advice on how to stop thinking about her. I'm afraid I might start stalking her on social media or want to message her. What was your way of avoiding this?
2024.05.21 13:35 taubenhau My 11 year old sister pees herself when gaming, that's not normal right?
Age: Now 14, when complaint appeared 11 Gender: Female Weight: Normal Height: Normal Race: white Location: Europe (with free healthcare)
Past & current medical history: History of bedwetting until 12 years old, frequent nosebleeds, frequent stomachaches due to being scared of school
Family medical history: Brother (me) diagnosed with ADHD, family history of mental illness
I am asking this for my lil sis because my mom seems to think it's totally normal and wants to sweep it under the rug.
Quick backstory: I had very bad mental health problems as a kid, struggled a lot with feeling different and not doing well in a school environment, even went inpatient once. Multiple psychiatrists talked to my mom and afterwards diagnosed me with depression. When I was 18, my mom finally opened up to me and said that more than 5!! of my teachers talked to her about a suspected ADHD diagnosis, which she apparently purposefully did not mention to psychiatrists as I 'cannot have ADHD because [my] grades are too good'. Went to see a new psychiatrist, did testing, got an ADHD diagnosis. Now I'm doing way better in life, no more suicide attempts, even on my way to graduating university. So this history might bias me, of course. My mom says I am projecting my feelings onto my sister, which is very much possible.
So, onto the complaint:
My sister used to struggle a lot with frequent bedwetting, up until she was 12 years old. I had the same thing when I was a kid due to anxiety, so they thought it was the same for her. She also gets stomachaches sometimes because shes so scared of school and does not want to go. Her grades are very bad, and she struggles a lot with doing her homework and paying attention. She also does not have any friends.
During Covid, I used to help her with online school and realized that she would sometimes completely forget about classes happening, would daydream during the entire class, and when doing her homework would sometimes forget what she was writing in the middle of the sentence and finish it with a completely different sentence. Her homework often came back as 'unintelligible', 'unreadable', 'lots of careless mistakes'.
When I started being more strict with her, aka tracking all her homework, waking her up in the morning, taking away her phone during class and reminding her to pay attention every 30 minutes, she got drastically better grades in the span of two months. Sadly, due to Covid ending I had to return to my college city and her grades started slipping again.
All these things to me point to an ADHD diagnosis or at least something going on, especially due to my diagnosis. But the most worrying thing to me was:
Up until she was around 11 or 12 years old, she would sometimes be so focused on playing video games that she would pee her pants a little because she didnt realise she needed to go. If you would tell her to go pee, she would get upset/annoyed and tell you 'just 5 more minutes' over and over again, until it was too late. She's also really bad with hygiene, when she's visiting I have to remind her to brush her teeth daily, to shower and to wash her hair, otherwise she just won't do it. She's honestly sometimes really stinky and her hair is always a mess.
My mom said that's a normal things kids do, but I annoyed her so much about it that she took my sister to one therapist who talked to my sister 3 times and then said she does not have adhd and that shes healthy.
So now my mom is really angry with me every time I say that I am concerned, because this one therapist said shes a normal kid so if I'm doubting that it means I think I know better than the professionals.
I honestly have no fucking clue, maybe this is a normal developmental stage? My mom says all of us were stinky and icky as teenagers and she will grow out of it, but I think its hurting my sister, because she does not have friends and I think every kid needs friends right?
So I am just asking here because I honestly don't know if I'm actually just projecting and should listen to the professionals and if I dont that makes me a bad brother somehow. I am not trying to imply shes a bad kid, I love her a lot, I want to make that super clear. I promise I'm just worried for her.
It would mean the world to me if you could reply, no matter if it is to dissuade my worries or by confirming to me that that's actually something to worry about.
submitted by taubenhau to AskDocs [link] [comments]
Past & current medical history: History of bedwetting until 12 years old, frequent nosebleeds, frequent stomachaches due to being scared of school
Family medical history: Brother (me) diagnosed with ADHD, family history of mental illness
I am asking this for my lil sis because my mom seems to think it's totally normal and wants to sweep it under the rug.
Quick backstory: I had very bad mental health problems as a kid, struggled a lot with feeling different and not doing well in a school environment, even went inpatient once. Multiple psychiatrists talked to my mom and afterwards diagnosed me with depression. When I was 18, my mom finally opened up to me and said that more than 5!! of my teachers talked to her about a suspected ADHD diagnosis, which she apparently purposefully did not mention to psychiatrists as I 'cannot have ADHD because [my] grades are too good'. Went to see a new psychiatrist, did testing, got an ADHD diagnosis. Now I'm doing way better in life, no more suicide attempts, even on my way to graduating university. So this history might bias me, of course. My mom says I am projecting my feelings onto my sister, which is very much possible.
So, onto the complaint:
My sister used to struggle a lot with frequent bedwetting, up until she was 12 years old. I had the same thing when I was a kid due to anxiety, so they thought it was the same for her. She also gets stomachaches sometimes because shes so scared of school and does not want to go. Her grades are very bad, and she struggles a lot with doing her homework and paying attention. She also does not have any friends.
During Covid, I used to help her with online school and realized that she would sometimes completely forget about classes happening, would daydream during the entire class, and when doing her homework would sometimes forget what she was writing in the middle of the sentence and finish it with a completely different sentence. Her homework often came back as 'unintelligible', 'unreadable', 'lots of careless mistakes'.
When I started being more strict with her, aka tracking all her homework, waking her up in the morning, taking away her phone during class and reminding her to pay attention every 30 minutes, she got drastically better grades in the span of two months. Sadly, due to Covid ending I had to return to my college city and her grades started slipping again.
All these things to me point to an ADHD diagnosis or at least something going on, especially due to my diagnosis. But the most worrying thing to me was:
Up until she was around 11 or 12 years old, she would sometimes be so focused on playing video games that she would pee her pants a little because she didnt realise she needed to go. If you would tell her to go pee, she would get upset/annoyed and tell you 'just 5 more minutes' over and over again, until it was too late. She's also really bad with hygiene, when she's visiting I have to remind her to brush her teeth daily, to shower and to wash her hair, otherwise she just won't do it. She's honestly sometimes really stinky and her hair is always a mess.
My mom said that's a normal things kids do, but I annoyed her so much about it that she took my sister to one therapist who talked to my sister 3 times and then said she does not have adhd and that shes healthy.
So now my mom is really angry with me every time I say that I am concerned, because this one therapist said shes a normal kid so if I'm doubting that it means I think I know better than the professionals.
I honestly have no fucking clue, maybe this is a normal developmental stage? My mom says all of us were stinky and icky as teenagers and she will grow out of it, but I think its hurting my sister, because she does not have friends and I think every kid needs friends right?
So I am just asking here because I honestly don't know if I'm actually just projecting and should listen to the professionals and if I dont that makes me a bad brother somehow. I am not trying to imply shes a bad kid, I love her a lot, I want to make that super clear. I promise I'm just worried for her.
It would mean the world to me if you could reply, no matter if it is to dissuade my worries or by confirming to me that that's actually something to worry about.