I am working with a data set which needs some formatting. The string data shows bunch of blanks (top row as example).. When I wrote VB script to remove extra spaces, it didnt work. I tested the script with dummy string that i created and it worked exactly as intended. An example of issue is below. Top text is the input data. I found that the space is likely not a space but perhaps an ascii character although I am not sure (see second row squares, which is top row but font is symbol). I need a VB script to strip out these "blanks / ascii" characters from a large dataset. Hope the description is clear.
https://preview.redd.it/g3gkeqb1dv1d1.png?width=398&format=png&auto=webp&s=3a16e903a8adcce8e45e1bf113b9288e85f4e360

The owner of our small company hired his niece as an intern in my department (admin) in January. It was supposed to be a temporary situation while she moved to our city to improve her job hunt. We didn’t have much work for her at the time but it was okay, there were some back burner projects it was helpful to have her assistance with.
We now have no work for her and have not for months. My team of two scrapes together non essential projects for her to work on. It’s clear that she doesn’t want to be here based on her daily attitude. Her schedule changes frequently to accommodate interviews and other schedule conflicts (like the owner needing her to pick up his kids from school). What I do have for her to do I feel is met with a bad attitude and is done with poor quality.
For example, a task today was to incorporate the updates to a training guide - 4-5 page word document of text and images with track changes and comments. My co-worker had to stand over her shoulder almost the entire time to help her figure out the best placement for images, formatting solutions, etc. I also will find mistakes in data entry that she’s done.
I have mentioned to the owner multiple times that we don’t have any work for her to do. I am reluctant to train her on anything essential or do any major coaching because of the quality of her work and I don’t feel it’s worth the investment if she could have a new job tomorrow. Then again it’s been almost 5 months of this.
What’s to be done here?

Hi there! My name is Elliot, a 30-year-old British man with a cheeky sense of humor. I'm six feet tall, with brown hair, glasses, and a spare tire that I'm working on losing.
My friends would describe me as a funny person who can get himself out of situations with a quick wit and a big smirk. I believe laughter is the best medicine, and I love making people laugh.
I absolutely love movies, from old black and white classics to new theme park-like blockbusters. I'm currently going through a bunch of Alfred Hitchcock movies, and my new favorite is Under Capricorn. It would be perfect to find another movie lover to share a tub of popcorn with.
Who doesn't love a good video game? Playing Baldurs Gate 3 and TemTem From competitive games like CS:GO, Valorant, and Dota 2 to indie darlings like Fez or Project Zomboid, I'm always up for a challenge.
A good TV show with a cup of hot chocolate is the best. Currently, I'm watching The Sopranos for the first time, and it's blowing my mind.
Love going to watch stand-up comedy and also watching it at home. Some of my favorites include Norm Macdonald, Joey Diaz, Ronny Chieng, Dave Chappelle, and Jimmy Carr.
I used to read a book a month, but I'm finding it harder to keep at it, partly due to my ADHD. I wear tinted pink glasses due to my dyslexia and sensitivity to light, but I'm currently trying to get back into it
In my spare time, I enjoy painting, sketching, and 3D modeling. I did Video Game Art in university, I'm looking for a new job. My goal is to get a better-paying job, which will lead to getting a house with a potential family.
I have two cacti, one for eight years and a new one I got this year. I would love pets, but unfortunately, my landlord doesn't allow them.
Distance doesn't matter to me, but I do hope to meet up at some point. I'm looking for somebody who will watch movies with me and be my inspiration to get out of bed in the morning. Please be between 22-35 and single.
I'm hoping to build a life with somebody who has their own friends, hobbies, and obligations. I'm looking for a motivator since I struggle with concentration. A big personality to encourage me in my endeavors would be amazing.
What's your favorite movie? What's your go-to comedy special? What's the last book you read?
I'm looking for a potential relationship or friends. Let's chat and see where things go.

Hi there! My name is Elliot, a 30-year-old British man with a cheeky sense of humor. I'm six feet tall, with brown hair, glasses, and a spare tire that I'm working on losing.
My friends would describe me as a funny person who can get himself out of situations with a quick wit and a big smirk. I believe laughter is the best medicine, and I love making people laugh.
I absolutely love movies, from old black and white classics to new theme park-like blockbusters. I'm currently going through a bunch of Alfred Hitchcock movies, and my new favorite is Under Capricorn. It would be perfect to find another movie lover to share a tub of popcorn with.
Who doesn't love a good video game? Playing Baldurs Gate 3 and TemTem From competitive games like CS:GO, Valorant, and Dota 2 to indie darlings like Fez or Project Zomboid, I'm always up for a challenge.
A good TV show with a cup of hot chocolate is the best. Currently, I'm watching The Sopranos for the first time, and it's blowing my mind.
Love going to watch stand-up comedy and also watching it at home. Some of my favorites include Norm Macdonald, Joey Diaz, Ronny Chieng, Dave Chappelle, and Jimmy Carr.
I used to read a book a month, but I'm finding it harder to keep at it, partly due to my ADHD. I wear tinted pink glasses due to my dyslexia and sensitivity to light, but I'm currently trying to get back into it
In my spare time, I enjoy painting, sketching, and 3D modeling. I did Video Game Art in university, I'm looking for a new job. My goal is to get a better-paying job, which will lead to getting a house with a potential family.
I have two cacti, one for eight years and a new one I got this year. I would love pets, but unfortunately, my landlord doesn't allow them.
Distance doesn't matter to me, but I do hope to meet up at some point. I'm looking for somebody who will watch movies with me and be my inspiration to get out of bed in the morning. Please be between 22-35 and single.
I'm hoping to build a life with somebody who has their own friends, hobbies, and obligations. I'm looking for a motivator since I struggle with concentration. A big personality to encourage me in my endeavors would be amazing.
What's your favorite movie? What's your go-to comedy special? What's the last book you read?
I'm looking for a potential relationship or friends. Let's chat and see where things go.

Hi there! My name is Elliot, a 30-year-old British man with a cheeky sense of humor. I'm six feet tall, with brown hair, glasses, and a spare tire that I'm working on losing.
My friends would describe me as a funny person who can get himself out of situations with a quick wit and a big smirk. I believe laughter is the best medicine, and I love making people laugh.
I absolutely love movies, from old black and white classics to new theme park-like blockbusters. I'm currently going through a bunch of Alfred Hitchcock movies, and my new favorite is Under Capricorn. It would be perfect to find another movie lover to share a tub of popcorn with.
Who doesn't love a good video game? Playing Baldurs Gate 3 and TemTem From competitive games like CS:GO, Valorant, and Dota 2 to indie darlings like Fez or Project Zomboid, I'm always up for a challenge.
A good TV show with a cup of hot chocolate is the best. Currently, I'm watching The Sopranos for the first time, and it's blowing my mind.
Love going to watch stand-up comedy and also watching it at home. Some of my favorites include Norm Macdonald, Joey Diaz, Ronny Chieng, Dave Chappelle, and Jimmy Carr.
I used to read a book a month, but I'm finding it harder to keep at it, partly due to my ADHD. I wear tinted pink glasses due to my dyslexia and sensitivity to light, but I'm currently trying to get back into it
In my spare time, I enjoy painting, sketching, and 3D modeling. I did Video Game Art in university, I'm looking for a new job. My goal is to get a better-paying job, which will lead to getting a house with a potential family.
I have two cacti, one for eight years and a new one I got this year. I would love pets, but unfortunately, my landlord doesn't allow them.
Distance doesn't matter to me, but I do hope to meet up at some point. I'm looking for somebody who will watch movies with me and be my inspiration to get out of bed in the morning. Please be between 22-35 and single.
I'm hoping to build a life with somebody who has their own friends, hobbies, and obligations. I'm looking for a motivator since I struggle with concentration. A big personality to encourage me in my endeavors would be amazing.
What's your favorite movie? What's your go-to comedy special? What's the last book you read?
I'm looking for a potential relationship or friends. Let's chat and see where things go.

Sorry if it reads poorly, I used AI to condense the text to 300 words, but I think it's understandable. I need the files from Windows 10 that you get when installing Windows 10 on a USB drive using Rufus. I need those files because Rufus is not available on Ubuntu. If that's not the way to go back to Windows, please tell me how to return. I'm tired of Ubuntu.

I live to behold magnificence, I want to alchemize this gift of consciousness into creations via art specifically sound , visuals and words. Schizotypal and artistic tendencies seem inseparable to me, but that could just be my perception. To me, perception itself is the ultimate artistic expression, the art is just the communication of the artist's perception which has been created through years of suffering and traversing the abstract realm. There is a cosmic reward for those who seek the source of internal symmetry; it is not just of this world but transcendent of it as well.
I have a manic and psychotic break every year and am usually hospitalized. I wish this didn't happen but I often reach a state of euphoria during these episodes where the visions are so profound it can feel like witnessing a world changing miracle. It never last longer than a few days. When it leaves I may experience the absence of symmetry, or the clouding of my light inside. Everything for me depends on my calculated impression of the current moment through internal inquiry , belief and observation. This involves a lot of philosophizing , rituals and practices to raise frequencies or lower thought activity / somatic exercises.
I feel that the mind is much more expansive than people realize, and I often feel limited when talking to people because of the resistance from most people to enter these deeper internal realms. When I socialize I have found to focus on creating positive energy or utilizing the interaction for karmic good or a way to be more Christ like and compassionate. When I live throught my heart I am able to socialize better, but I still struggle with leaving my house and actually interacting with people. Socializing isn't hard for me but I seem to avoid it most of the time. I am so perfectly stimulated by the introspective experience that it consumes my whole presence. I love nature and animals, spirituality and art.
Do any of you resonate with what I am saying and the constant ebb and flow of perception ? Also, is it common for Schizotypals to experience hypomania along with brief psychotic breaks? Thank you for reading, any feedback is much appreciated.

Downloads

Stable - Gaiman (Recommended)

Android, Linux, OS X, Windows

Experimental (Not recommended)

Automated Installation

Catapult Game Launcher (3rd party, pretty convenient, more details in the link)
CDDA Game Launcher (3rd party, pretty convenient, more details in the link)

Manual Installation

Android, Linux, OS X, Windows
iOS

Compiling Guide

Controls (not up to date, controls for mobile can vary)

Helpful Guides

• Item Database
• Skill Training (Siersha - up to date for build #10626)
• Modding
• Detailed Guide (mlangsdorf)
• Quickstart Guide (DracoGriffin & AMurkin)
• Improved Text Readability (Bilb0)
• Tutorials
• Video Guide (Vormithrax)
• More Video Guide (GrandpuhTy)
• Written Guide (Pr0manTwitch)

Featured Let's Players

Individuals that are currently known for playing C:DDA. List is subject to change (maintain active and current streamers), send modmail if you'd like to be added.

Player(s)	Twitch	YouTube
Vormithrax	Link	Link
TheMurderUnicorn	Link	Link
TheCritsyBear	Link	Link
RyconRoleplays	None	Link
Orange01gaming	None	Link
nonsonogiucas	None	Link
GrandpuhTy	Link	Link

Memorial

Individuals that used to play C:DDA but have gone on hiatus or stopped streaming. These are mentioned here as requested by the community for being noteworthy.

Player(s)	Twitch	YouTube
flakaby	Link	None
Pr0manTwitch	Link	None
CromulentArcher	None	Link

Semi-Multiplayer - WatchCDDA.net

WatchCDDA.net is hosted by r7st and allows for semi-multiplayer ASCII version of Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead. It can be a bit confusing to get started so make sure you check out the Instructions page for more details and join that Discord to communicate while playing. Any issues need to be expressed on WatchCDDA's Discord, not the subreddit - any troubleshooting posts will be removed.

• Requirements:
• WatchCDDA.net Account (set up is on Instructions page)
• SSH client (like PuTTY)
• Willingness to use ASCII (no tilesets yet)

FAQ

• How do I use this subreddit?

If you're new here, make sure to read through the above. Secondly, any simple questions should be confined to this weekly announcement post. If you've found a bug or a new strategy, or wondering what type of playthrough to try, you should make a separate post about those.

• Flairs? What are those?

There are two types of flairs: user flairs (which are currently customizable) and post flairs. If you make a post, make sure you're flairing it appropriately for others. There are some exclusive flairs you cannot pick but should be on the lookout for, such as:
Changelog - these posts have very informative posts regarding changes.
Fixed - these posts generally have a solution to a bug or problem.
Lastly, if you flair a post [Help Wanted] and someone answered satisfactorily, make sure to re-flair it with [Solved] so others can find the solution instead of looking through tons of posts.

• Oh no, my anti-virus says the launcher is a threat!

Antivirus products are known to detect the launcher as a threat and block its execution or delete the launcher. The reason for this is uncertain, but most likely due to a launcher component, PyInstaller, that is commonly flagged as a threat by antivirus software. A sufficient workaround is to add the launcher binary to your antivirus' whitelist, or to select the action to trust this binary when detected. More information can be found from the launcher's FAQ on Github.
If you are paranoid, you can always inspect the source code yourself and build the launcher from the source code. However, you are still likely to get false positives.

• The UI is broken or weird, is this normal?

If you think the UI isn't set up correctly, make sure to press } to access the UI Settings panel. You will be given a choice of several different styles, with "Labels" being the recommended setting for new players and "Classic" for veteran players.

• I think the subreddit should have ... or The subreddit should change ...

Great! The modteam is always looking for feedback, please make a post about your purposed change or idea and let the community decide through voting and debate. If it's something that is a bit more sensitive, please send it through modmail.

Somebody requested that I write down some resources for Dzogchen in the sidebar, so I thought I would do as post as well to give a sort of background and offer anyone else the chance to get in on the conversation or building of resources too...

A Word on Secrecy, Safety Maturity, and Cults

I'm writing this post out by request of someone who messaged me, with the intention of reaching a wider audience, or all beings, who could benefit from learning about these teachings. I have to caution, though, that they may not be for everybody, and in that regard, I would advise gentleness, with yourself and others, with regards to this path. Please take care of yourself, and keep a measure of your own mind with regard to your mental health and these practices. I wish that those who read this post are only those who it may help, and those it may hurt don't have to see it at all.
With that in mind, I can maybe share a little bit about the secrecy aspect of Vajrayana. Someone who learns about these practices but does not genuinely practice them can generate obstacles to their own awakening; specifically with Dzogchen there is a real danger of intellectualizing the practice such that one covers over their own mind with a sheen of thoughts and fabrication, blocking one from advancing. In that regard, this particular practice is called self secret. From what I know, many Lamas won't introduce one to the practice if they aren't sure the student has the capability to grasp it, and also - the student won't be able to practice it if they're not able to.
On the subject of cults - I have to note that Dzogchen practice can be very personal, but that is not a license for any teacher to abuse you, in any form, ever. Things that happened in the past - students getting slapped, hit with shoes, etc. - happened in the past - but that doesn't make them appropriate teachings devices today. A genuinely compassionate teacher won't take advantage of your practice to abuse you, steal your money, degrade you, control you, or anything like that. If they try to - it is more likely that you've stumbled on a cult, and should get out as fast as you can.
As far as general safety in the practice goes, Lama Lena has written this (and I'm shamelessly stealing it from her website):
"The responsibility to take care of your own mind rests with you; not the lama, not your mom, not your cat. So, take it upon yourself to be safe and use common sense."
Please, read that whole page and heed the warnings.

My Practice

I've been working with Dzogchen for about 3.5 years now, since approximately the end of 2020. I'd been interested in Mahayana practices for the better part of a decade before that, but mostly just practicing Samatha by the way of Anapanasati and Metta, and also through the framework provided by *The Mind Illuminated*. I had been curious about Dzogchen for a bit, mostly from reading about it on Wikipedia and just, in general, being interested in seeing what the fuss is surrounding vajrayana, tantra, and the "highest system" called Atiyoga.
By chance, I happened to see a comment on /Dzogchen from someone who basically said "If anyone is looking for pointing out, feel free to message me." So I sent them a message giving my general background and motivation for the practice, and they invited me to join them on meditationonline.org - which had been a place they'd been doing meditation for a few years (and still do, I suppose I'd consider myself part of that sangha). I happened to meet the individual who I'd been messaging, a Nyingma lama called Dawai Gocha, and received pointing out, along with teachings for the next few years... up until the present day.
My main practice now is Dzogchen - I gradually transitioned into this from Anapanasati over the course of about six months - and most of my sessions are now just me resting in awareness - Rigpa. I generally do augment this however with other practices, like Satipatthana, mantra recitation, and other practices from the three main vehicles, simply because I like to do them and find them helpful on the path.

What is Dzogchen?

I can't say anything that has not already been said by others, in particular, meditation masters with vastly more experience than I have - but to put it simply, Dzogchen practice can encompass a large number of different types of ancillary practices, and one central practice, which the ancillaries are meant to accomplish. The main practice is resting in the Rigpa.

How to Learn

"Get pointing out instructions from a qualified teacher before embarking on Dzogchen and Mahamudra. A teacher can address pressing questions as they arise and give you a map and tools for the journey. As practitioners, we can rely on those who have hiked the trail before us." - Lama Lena
Since the awareness nature is always present in every being, it is both simple to learn and simple to maintain the practice - being that one just simply is introduced to the awareness nature, and then abides in it at all times.
As far as being introduced to that awareness, in my experience there are many avenues, such as getting pointed out in person( verbally or non verbally), in visions, through texts, in dreams, etc. In one of her videos, Lama Lena goes through, I think, five different days that transmission/pointing out can happen.
But in my experience, getting pointing out, repeatedly and periodically, from a teacher is the most effective (and probably the most important) way to learn, like having someone coach you through riding a bicycle, until you finally internalize the fundamentals and are able ride on your own. Even someone that can check your progress, humble you, and keep you from common pitfalls, can be extremely helpful. Dzogchen, to me and from what I have read from e.g. Tulku Urgyen, is very simple, so simple that many people are able to miss it extremely easily. Whether we miss it because we're so worked up, or because we are subtly fabricating something and fixating on the fabrication - there is a miss, and from what I know, it's better to realize that than carry on doing whatever else. The harsh reality of Dzogchen practice is that fixation, because we're so habituated to it as human beings, is extremely easy, and being led astray by fixation means your meditation becomes a conditioned Samatha practice. On a lighter note though - from my perspective, one we learn to continually distinguish between Consciousness from Wisdom, we are on very solid ground, and it becomes easier and easier to recognize when we've become fixated.
On the subject of teachers - I would consider myself to have had many teachers. My main teacher, I mentioned before, is a lama I talk to live over the internet, but I would also say I've received teachings from recordings, from books, and in dreams. For clarity, I will state again: having a teacher that you can use to verify your practice is very important so as not to fall into common pitfalls. Whether you are confirming your experience through texts, reasoning, pointing out videos, whatever - do it repeatedly will help because otherwise, as a beginner, one can be lost for days, weeks, months, etc. without finding awareness again. I've seen people on Dzogchen who, unfortunately, even though they got pointing out from great teachers, were not able to realize the practice because they lost it and then never were able to find it again, and so need the pointing out again. Others get the pointing out repeatedly - practice a lot, and attain good results over time. In that way, from my perspective, having continual access to the teachings is very important. Fortunately, we live in a good time for this.
I'll get to recommend specifics later but - this is my perspective - although some people say that you can't get transmission over recordings or the internet, or from books - I actually do doubt that that is that case, just from experience. But, I must caution that all of my experience in this realm comes from after the point in time that I received live pointing out.
This all being said - regardless of how one feels at a specific time or place, there's no reason not to ever refrain from confirming one's experience or view against the words of masters. There are others that have said this, who have more experience, but until we are Buddhas ourselves and phenomena have exhausted, there is no reason to ever stop practicing. Ever. If you are practice, there is no need to make effort, and all phenomena will come and go without trouble. Namkhai Norbu says almost exactly this in The Cycle of Day and Night.

Finding A Teacher

"Do not expect to travel this path guided only by books and the internet! Use the internet to find a teacher, then connect with them." - Lama Lena
It's taken a while to get here, my apologies for that.
For finding a teacher, I think any lama that has accomplished a three year retreat will be proficient in either Mahamudra or Dzogchen (both Atiyoga - subtle differenes but the same essential practice), and will likely be able to give pointing out instructions.
Not all may do so at first. Some may want a more personal relationship, some may require Ngondro, and some may say "sorry I don't really give those teachings". Some may require a baseline knowledge of the practice first - for example the Tergar program does.
That being said, there are many places to receive pointing out for free and in public.
Off the top of my head, I can name four that are always open and free: Lama Lena on Facebook and Youtube, The Rangdrol Foundation (run by the reddit user u/jigdrol), MeditationOnline.org, and The Pristine Mind Foundation . I know there are others, but at least to me on reddit nad personally, these have been the most visible. I do know that Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche (Mahamudra Dzogchen) and James Low (Dzogchen) occasionally give pointing out instructions and videos on the practice. As well - many other lama do on occasion, and especially Bon lamas - practitioners and Yogis from the Tibetan Indigenous religion.
Edit: Here is a recent list of online teachers compiled by Dzogchen
Once you've received pointing out, there are also numerous public books, and texts one can read to deepen their understanding and/or background in the teachings, a few of which I've read and can list below. I'll also try to find some links that I care share too.
Many texts on Dzogchen, Mahyana and Vajrayana in general can be found on the excellent Lotsawahouse.org
A list of a few books that I've read and can personally recommend. Please note - these books (with the exception of Transcending AFAIK) are best read after having received transmission:
The Cycle of Day and Night by Chogyal Namkhai Norbu
Dzogchen: Heart Essence of the Great Perfection by HH The Dalai Lama
Zurchungpa's Testament by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
Vajra Heart Revisited by Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche
Transcending Ego: Distinguishing Consciousness from Wisdom by Thrangu Rinpoche
Also, I've not read the Trilogy of Rest by Longchenpa but heard that they're excellent.
Anyways, this about wraps up the post. If you have any questions or additional comments, they are very welcome.

This is my first reddit post and honestly it's a lot so please bear with me. I'm still trying to figure out how to process everything and make sense of it all. I guess we will start at the very beginning. My boyfriend,( we will call him michael) and I just passed 6 months together. Honestly, hes been great. We clicked pretty fast and have a great bond. I feel safe and comfortable around him and can communicate in a way ive never been able to before. It just kinda works. I definitely fell hard and fast for him and from what I could gather, the feeling was mutual. We had met on tinder in early October and went on our first date in November. We made it official shortly after our first date.
After we started dating, he had briefly mentioned that he had a friend who had a bit of a crush on him. I told him I didn't mind and I trusted him. As long as he kept things respectful to me, it didn't matter. He then explained that her crush was a bit obsessive and he actually wanted to push her out of his life and needed advice. Apparently, this friend, (we will call her beth) was pregnant and wanted Michael to be her baby's God Father. He said that she would follow him and got jealous when he was with other girls. I found this kind of odd but he swore they were just friends, so I told him the best way to let her down gently and let him do his thing. About two weeks later, he told me she was out of the picture. I didn't really care either way but the communication was cool.
Anyways, I pretty quickly forgot about all of that because it was irrelevant and I wanted to focus on our relationship. One night when we were hanging out, he got a snapchat notification. He turned away from me to respond to it but I didn't think much of it, just asked who that was. He said it was just a friend (we will call this one Jen) and they were catching up. I had never heard of her before but I didn't care, I just said cool and dropped it. Just like before, I quickly forgot about that conversation because again,it was irrelevant and I had better things to think about. I trusted him so why should I care who he talks to? He is his own person after all and I understand the importance of friendships.
Fast forward about another two weeks later, him and I had our first argument. I dont remember what it was about. Most likely something small and pointless because I had a stressful day at work but nothing too serious. We did not talk much that day. Later that night, I apologized and we talked it over. Everything was fine. He then told me that earlier in the day, an old friend that he had removed off social media readded him and messaged him. We will call her Molly. Apparently she had just noticed she was removed and was upset and wanted to know why. He told me that he sent her a message explaining that he didn't see her in his life long term and doesn't feel the need to keep someone around who won't be around forever so he didn't want to be friends anymore. He then removed her again. At this point I thought the way he acted was odd. I had never heard of molly before, he waited until he had already removed her before telling me about the conversation, she only came into the picture when we had our first argument and it got me thinking about the other girls who were just friends. I definitely started to over think a bit and was more than curious about who these people were and what their relationship to him was. But he swore they were all just friends. So I continued to believe him.
We went a long period of time without anything coming up so once again I forgot about it and moved on with my life. Him and I were doing great. We were young dumb and in love. I felt truly happy, something I hadn't experienced in a long time. I felt like I genuinely found someone who was right for me and I didn't need to second guess whether or not he was gonna cheat on me. He occasionally would ask to see my phone but I didn't have anything to hide so I allowed him. I had set a boundary with him that if he ever felt concerned or needed reassurance, he needed to bring it up to me first. After we talked it over then he could see my phone, but we would always go through it together. This seemed fair to me. My phone was never off limits, there just needed to be open communication. Anyways, he would always offer for me to see his phone in return but I would decline. I didn't feel the need to and I had learned from past experiences that if you go digging, you will most likely see something you can't unsee.
Then one day he needed to have his wisdom teeth removed. I dropped him off in the morning for his surgery and I was told I needed to hold on to his personal belongings and wait until the operation was over. No big deal. I know this is wrong and I shouldn't have but finally curiosity got the best of me and I looked on his phone. At first it wasn't malicious. I genuinely was just curious. But of course, I saw things I wish I could unsee. It started off on tiktok. In one of his conversations with a friend, he poured his heart out, explaining how he was still so in love with his ex and missed her like crazy. Of course it stung a little to see the things he said but I knew there was someone before me so it wasn't that surprising. That was until I saw those messages had been sent in mid October. So of course i was like huh.we started talking early October and dating early November. So clearly he wasn't over his ex when he met me. But I was willing to forgive it. It wasn't a deal breaker. But Instead of putting the phone down to protect my peace and his privacy, I kept looking. And boy did I find a lot. I found lots of old text messages from contacts that were not saved. Most of then were hard-core sexting and flirting. This dude literally acted like a dog.And yeah it was again hard to see but it was before me and he wasn't like that anymore. With me, he was gentle and respectful and never treated me like an object. Some people just go through a phase and that's okay. Again, it wasn't a deal breaker. But finally i found some very passionate, lovey, intimate messages with an unsaved contact. I was immediately drawn in by the kind words and heartwarming love messages. Whoever this was, they cared for eachother very strongly. I almost immediately felt heartbroken. Not because she was a past love interest, but because he had never spoken to me the way he spoke to her. I read all the way from the top of the conversation. Months worth of love confessions, paragraphs of strong feelings, longing to be with one another, etc. But finally halfway through in one of the paragraphs I see a name. Molly I was shattered. Molly was the girl who supposedly was removed months before him and I even met. The one that was "just a friend" who messaged him and he removed her because he didn't want to be friends anymore. Yeah clearly they were more than just friends. I was livid and felt crushed. Why did he feel the need to lie about something so unnecessary? I wouldn't have been mad if he had told the truth about who she was. But then it got me thinking. Was Beth truly just a friend? Was Jen truly just a friend? What was the actual relationship? I gathered up as much as I could but then the nurse came to the lobby to tell me he was awake and ready to go home. I kind of panicked and in my hurry, I forgot to delete the screenshots out of his phone.
We get in the car and I give him his phone, he's still pretty loopy. Obviously I had a million questions to ask him but I knew he wasn't in the right state of mind to have that conversation so I put my feelings aside and decided it could wait. Well he wanted to take pictures of his bloody swollen face and send it to his uncle. In the process, he sees the screenshots i had forgotten to delete off his phone and immediately screams what the f*** is this? I tried to talk calmly and explain that now wasn't a good time to talk about it and it could wait. He kept pressing "what the f*** did you do? Who the hell is this?" In my mind I thought "uh dude, you tell me." But didn't want to escalate it while he was drugged up. I decided the best option was to simply say that I wasn't mad , I stilled planned on taking care of him while he recovered and that we would need to have a conversation when he was in a better state of mind. He just started sobbing. Oh boy. I kind of ignored it as much as I could. I drove us to the store to get ice cream and other soft foods he could eat before taking us back to my apartment. I helped get him set up in my bedroom and he still was crying. So much so he started coughing out blood. It smelled awful and got everywhere. He was a wreck. I felt bad for everything. I felt guilty for going on his phone behind his back, for leaving the screeshots on his phone and for him crying. It took several hours but eventually I got him to calm down. I kept my word and continued to take care of him until he was recovered.
Finally when enough time had passed I decided it was time to sit down and talk about it. I explained that obviously I had found messages and i wanted an explanation. He told me molly was just a friend, and very clearly it was more than that. I also explained that I had a suspicion that he was not fully honest about his relationship with Jen and Beth either. He looked me dead in the eyes and said he had no idea what I was talking about and they were just friends. I remained calm and explained that I won't be mad at him or leave him. I told him I didn't want to fight. I just felt as though I deserved to know the truth if I was going to continue to be with him, especially since he was still in contact with Beth and Jen while we were dating. We continue to go back and forward for several hours with no progress. I decided then if he didn't feel I deserved the truth, I would find out for myself. I took the screenshots I had found and reached out to the contacts one by one.
Let's start with Beth. She was the quickest to respond. I briefly explained who I was and that I was hoping to ask some questions about my partner because I felt like i was being lied to and was hoping she could fill in some of the gaps. She texted back and simply asked "do you work at blank" I responded that yes, I did. She then asked if I lived at a specific apartment complex. I said yes and was creeped out. She knew where I worked and lived. She then asked if she could call me. I agreed. For some context, he told me that she was a friend he had met in school. He explained that she had gotten out of a rough relationship and he wanted to make sure she was okay when it happened. That's how they became close. He explained that they would hang out all the time and eventually she became obsessed with him. Well during my phone call with her, I heard a very different story. Yes, they met in school and initially started off as friends. But, slowly with time as they started to spend more and more time together, they started to catch feelings. He said I love you first. And she proved this with screenshots. She also sent me pictures of them holding hands and kissing. She explained that they never officially started dating but they definitely were more than just friends. Their relationship was much more physical and romantic than platonic. She also told me that they had hooked up about 3 times. She explained that they had eachothers location and pretty frequently they would make plans then he would last minute cancel. So she would see what he was doing and would see him at two very specific addresses. Visiting my work or my apartment. She eventually asked him where he was and he told her that I was his cousin and was trying to get out of a rough relationship so he was helping me. I felt sick. No wonder why she was "obsessed" he was borderline dating her, telling her he loved her, and then started to ditch her when he made things official with me. Then it killed me to realize that even though they never had an official title, he was dating the two of us at the same time. I didn't know what to do. I ended up apologizing to her for everything he did and told her I never would have agreed to be his if I knew he was entertaining someone else. Michael overheard this phone call between us and looked like he had seen a ghost after. All he did was started crying, said she was lying, and that she was only a friend. I asked "so....these screenshots and pictures are all made up?" No response. He knew he was busted.
I decided I needed to take some time to process that information and I didn't want to say something I would regret. I let him stay at my place because he had nowhere else to go and I went to stay with a friend. He kept calling and texting but I couldn't deal with it. I cried all night. I was a mess. I should have just accepted that I was cheated on and lied to but I couldn't leave. I needed to know the truth. So I kept reaching out. Next up was Jen. I never was able to reach her, but I found out through Michael and Beth that Jen was Beth's best friend. But even more than that, I found out the three of them had a threesome together. He had told me previously that he had never been interested in a threesome and would never want to have one. Then I found out not only did he have one and lied about it, but it was with two girls he told me were just friends.
I went back to my apartment the next day and tried to talk stuff out. He just continued to say they were just friends. I finally snapped. I screamed and cried and told him that I just wanted to know the truth. That I deserved the truth. He looked me in the eyes, pinky promised me no more lies. We talked for a while and basically he explained that he never had an official title with Beth. They were very close but he basically just used her to pass time because he had nothing better to do. He said he loved her because that's what she wanted to hear and he treated her like a partner without ever having any real feelings for her. He knew as soon as he met me that he wanted me but didn't want to hurt her so he just kind of pushed her to the side but kept her in the picture. I felt so sad for her. He used her. He led her on. He treated her like an object and then threw her to the side when he met me.I asked why he lied about having a threesome. He said he felt ashamed Apparently they started to do it and then he chickened out so he didn't really count it. That made sense to me. I was pissed that he lied but at least it made sense. Next I asked why he told me Beth and Jen were just friends instead of being honest about the relationship. He said he never had feelings for either and they never had the official title so he didn't think it was important and he did not want to scare me off. I explained to him that although I understand why he lied to me, I didn't forgive him. I warned him that I would not tolerate anymore lies and obviously for the time being I did not trust him. I told him I wouldn't break up with him but if I found out he lied again, he would lose me. I also told him I considered what he did as cheating since he was seeing us at the same time after him and I became mutually exclusive. After we concluded our conversation about Beth and Jen, I started thinking about molly and the messages I had seen. I asked him what their relationship was, he said just friends. I freaked and told him to give me his phone. I found their old messages and told him to read them. "Hey goofball, you awake? Well if you're not I have something impossible to say to you. You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars. I love you lots and want you to know that no matter what happens I will always care about you. To me you are perfect. Amazing. And attractive asf. You are also very sweet and caring and adorable. Don't think about the negative things about yourself that will drag you down. You are way more than that. This is an official goodnight and I love you goofball." This is just one of the MANY messages sent back and forward. He reads the conversation and just goes oh. He then says he didn't remember any of that happening. We began to argue and the story he tried to spin was that his life must have been so traumatic that his brain literally deleted his past memories and replaced them with false memories where he didn't do these things that he is ashamed of. He got caught in lies and after so long was just like...whoa I did that? I had no idea I didn't remember. Technically I didn't lie because I told what I thought the truth was the way I remembered it. I told him I wanted to break up and he cried and begged me to forgive him and stay. I listened.i tried to move on and make things normal again but I couldn't stop thinking about all the lies and what else he might have been lying about. Then randomly one day, Molly added me back on social media. She was the last and took over 1.5 months so honestly I figured I'd never get ahold of her. I was genuinely surprised to see her show up on my friend list and reached out. Once again back story, he told me that she lived in Wisconin and they had never met. He said he was also using her for nudes and to pass time, same way he used Beth. He had told me that he removed her off social media months before him and I even met and aside from that one night she reached out, he hadn't heard from her in forever. I found out from her that she did not live in Wisconsin, she lived in the same state as us That to her, they were definitely dating and in love. I also saw a messaged saved on snapchat where he had been texting her in October (after we met) and even sent her the same pickup lines he had sent me. he had cheated with not just one, but two (at least that I know of) other girls.
At this point I had been broken so bad I didn't even feel the pain anymore. I just went numb. I had no more tears left to cry and couldn't be bothered to care anymore. I stopped eating and taking care of myself. I just went to work, came home, slept and repeated. I had watched the man that I loved and adored, one that made me feel so safe and happy turn into a monster right in front of me. He wasn't him anymore. I finally could see him for who he was. But I still didn't leave. He told me that he had only ever slept with three girls. I later found out it was actually six. He told me he had never been in love before. I later found out he tells basically every girl he's ever talked to that he loves them AND genuinely was in love with his ex before me. He told me after his ex and him broke up, he had a rebound but he only hooked up with her once before ghosting her. I found out they actually dated for several weeks, hooked up several times, and she had taken cute couple pictures with him and posted them on social media. He said that he never wanted to take those pictures, she made him put his Hands on her and pose and if he didn't cooperate, she would throw a tantrum like a child. One last thing I think that is important to mention,when we went on our first date, I told him I don't do hookups. We stayed out late and hit it off really well so I offered for him to stay the night at my place. I said I was okay with cuddling and whatever but I did not want to have sex. He seemed okay with it. I went to bed and then when I woke up, my pants were off and he was inside me. He claimed he didn't know I was asleep and thought I wanted it because apparently my butt kept rubbing against him while we were spooning.
It's been about a month since all that and I'm still just meh. I haven't exactly forgiven him but I also don't hate him. Things are normal. I act normal we still do couple things. But I can't help but wonder if he is just using me the same way he used them. I mean after all, he lives in my apartment rent free and asked me to buy him a truck for his birthday. He says I should forgive him because he genuinely doesn't remember doing these things and he didn't mean to lie to me. He said he's so ashamed of who he was but isn't like that anymore. He doesn't associate with who he was and wants to be given a chance to show that he is different. But can I ever forgive him? Should I? Where do I go from here? I feel so lost and confused. I dont think I'll ever be able to trust his word again. I dont feel secure. He broke me so bad I can't even feel anymore. Am I crazy and somehow making this a bigger deal than it is? Can I ever have the man I fell in love with back? I'm sorry if this was confusing. I'm typing this all out in one sitting. Please help me because I genuinely am so lost and I don't want to tell any friends because I don't want them to hate him.
TLDR: My boyfriend cheated on me with at least two other girls that I know of at the moment and has lied to me about too many things to count. His argument is that It doesn't actually count as cheating because he technically didn't date these people and he didn't remember doing it.

Tagged as humor because otherwise I’ll cry. I’m a teacher at a high school but I also work at an elementary school for after-school care. At that elementary school, we have a 2nd grader who’s on the spectrum. His mom and dad are divorced, and while his dad and I get along, his mom seems to hate me. Today, her little angel was shouting “what the fuh” while we were playing in the gym. Now, he didn’t say the full word, but we’ve got kindergarteners in our program who will repeat that, which wouldn’t be a fun conversation with their parents. So this 2nd grader is shouting “what the fuh” and the director of the program and I both heard it. The director was like, “hey come sit out for a minute, you can’t say that here and we’ve already talked about why you can’t say that.” (He says it a lot and the director and another staff member talked to him about his language yesterday). He starts crying and claiming he didn’t say anything AT ALL. That he didn’t say any words at all. Now that’s not true, as both I and the director watched and heard him say it. But he eventually sits down. Then mom shows up almost at the exact same time, and as he’s walking to grab his backpack, he stops in front of his mom, points at me, and starts crying again saying that I had said that he said the f word when he really didn’t. So I clarify for the mom what he had actually said, and he says that I’m lying. So I say, “but buddy, both [director] and me heard you say it..” His mom starts off saying that she’s heard other kids at the program say way worse things and “you’ve gotta be kidding me” that he got in trouble for that. I clarified that when we hear anyone using language that includes swears or things that are very nearly swears, we sit them out and talk to them about it. Then she says that I had set her son off by “being so [she puffed out her chest to sort of imply that I was being too forceful].” I sort of just looked at her waiting for more explanation and then she said that the way I talked to her and her son was making her “irritated.” I said I didn’t understand what I had done wrong, and she says “he’s on the spectrum; he feeds off of YOU,” implying that I had upset her son and caused whatever issue he was having (she doesn’t believe that he actually said anything, and so whatever problem there was had been caused by the staff). When I asked what I could do better next time she cut me off and said “you’re doing it RIGHT NOW.” She asked to talk to my boss and then the two of them talked for 5 minutes without me until she finally left with her kid. When my boss came back over, she asked “What the heck did you say to her?? She says she doesn’t like how you were talking to her or her kid.” My boss is on my side, because the mom has been difficult before, but this was way more than any other time. She’s gonna call her boss and ask how to proceed.
Now, I’m a 24 year old black male and I’ve worked in childcare since I was 16, so I’ve got at least one theory as to why she doesn’t like me. I deliberately was speaking calmly and politely because I don’t want to be misunderstood or set anyone off, but oh well 🤷🏾‍♂️. Don’t really want to go into work tomorrow if I’m gonna have to see or interact with that woman again. Hopefully his dad picks up; he and I get along great.

Ok so today my friend (23M) calls me & asks if i (24M) want to go on a run later on tonight when i finish with work. I’ll be getting out of work at 10pm. I reluctantly agreed because i know i’ll be tired, but i haven’t worked out in a while & we’ve been trying to push each other to start working out again for a couple weeks now so i thought why not? I know if i don’t start now i’ll just keep procrastinating. So i said yes. I knew this agreement would come back to haunt me. You’ll see why later. So about an hour ago i call my girlfriend (24F) just to check up on her & she asks me if i’m gonna see her later (had a feeling this was coming but i know she has work early in the morning so i also wasn’t sure if she’d want to be up so late) & i told her i was probably gonna be going on run & immediately she knew i’d be going with my friend as i had told her about our prior conversations about wanting to start working out again. right away i felt her energy toward me switch as she grew less & less enthused. almost a sense of attitude in her responses. after a few minutes of silence on the phone (i’m at work , she’s at home washing her face) she goes “i wanted to ask you , who got you wanting to start running?” i already know where this is going & i respond in soft tone “what do you mean?” she immediately switches her wording & says “why do you wanna start running again?” at this point i feel like i’m being interrogated although i know this may not have been her intention , it bothers me that i can’t just say i’m going running without her asking these silly questions. i understand that throughout our whole relationship i’ve never done this but i have consistently mentioned to her that i need to start working out again & that i have gone way too long without it. i also understand that she wanted to see me , i get that & i guess that’s what makes me wonder if i’m the asshole. also after she said that i responded with “you act like i’ve never been on a run before?” (while i haven’t been on a run throughout our relationship she’s aware that i used to go for a run consistently before being with her). she then goes “what is your problem?! i’m just asking you a question!” & i say “but look at the way you’re asking the question, you’re asking who like if i’m doing this for anyone else but for me just wanting & needing to work out” & she then says that i misheard her & she didn’t say that , hangs up & starts texting me that she’s tired of my attitude & that i’m never happy & that if i don’t like her to just say that. so i turn to you reddit. please tell me , am i the asshole? sorry if that was long & confusing i’m willing to answer any questions.

If a guy only wants to be friends with you does that mean he never found me attractive?
I was dating an intj guy, and during dates he was very affectionate, would have amazing intellectual conversations, and he would always speak of how similar we were and how well we got along. He would kiss my forehead, hold my hand etc But he always kept dates short. If I ever stayed over, in the morning it was clear he just wanted me to leave.
After dates, he took like 2 days to reply but always sent long paragraphs. But very formal ones, no flirting. Almost robotic like. We certainly had a connection but I was so confused.
One day I was brave and sent a flirty text. The text went ignored and he didn’t message me for 2 weeks before telling me he didn’t feel romantic and he didn’t think we were the right fit. Confusing as he always talked about how well we got along.
2 months later, he wanted to meet up as friends. Music gigs, took me to play golf. It was clear he was very happy to see me, hugging me a lot and subtly touching me. He even started asking questions like do I see myself having children. Some days he would send me memes and random stuff over text all day, whilst other days he’d take several days to reply
We continued to have intellectual conversations, something I loved about him and missed dearly. He showed interest in my art, my life .
Then one day, he just stopped replying.
A month later, he checked back in with a message asking about my holiday. I then responded to see how he is doing and he didn’t reply. He continues to like all my pictures
I don’t understand why I am only a friend he sporadically now reaches out to. I am an INFP, but I felt me and him really click. He agreed. But I just keep wondering if he might regret or if he’s keeping me around as undecided.
I feel really sad about it all as I really like him and I felt we were a match . I keep having this horrible thought maybe he didn’t find me attractive at all (during sex he struggled to keep it up and said he was thinking too much )

I don’t like the word ‘career’ it’s too Grey and big business.
Anyway I am trying to decide how I’m going to earn a living.
In my past I made silver jewellery (cast) with literary quotes on it and motifs and illustrations etc. I did all the making, photography, website and tags and packaging etc. my little business was very popular immediately and I could not keep up with demand for many years. I was then diagnosed/onset with bipolasza etc and had to quit it all.
I’m now trying to reestablish it, but with my illness now and poor sleep always etc I don’t feel like I’d be able to do it as well. I have outsourced the making to someone else but I still feel not really passionate about jewellery anymore. It’s more I earned so well from it before. I also like researching literary things and poetry for the business.
I also before everything use to sell my paintings (I’m an artist) they always sold and for good sums but now I’m on heavy psych meds and it’s much harder to paint 🎨 the ideas no longer flood me, the creative force or drive is no longer there. But I still push through and actually I’m painting more than I ever have. Yesterday I finally did a painting like my old paintings. Tbh I feel like being a painter is what I would prefer to do, and I go to art exhibitions of artist friends and galleries a lot. I feel like that is more suited to the wayward mind I have now. And many artists are of this ilk. I follow living artists on Insta too. But I do feel my talents have really really wavered from the meds. I can’t imagine on them either. But if I paint at night it seems to be ok.
I would say I’m a bohemian sort of person, never really tried to pursue ordinary life. I want to buy a tiny house (which I can) tinyhouses and live in the countryside. So my living costs would be low, and I choose the simple life because I love it but because it would also allow me a creative life.
I would appreciate any wisdom. Sorry it’s so long!

At the world’s top college of magic and technology, every day brings a new discovery -and a new disaster. The advanced experiments of the college students tend to be both ambitious and apocalyptic, with the end of the world only prevented by a mysterious time loop, and a small handful of students who retain their memories.
Surviving the loops was hard enough, but now, in his senior year, Vell Harlan must take charge of them, and deal with the fact that the whole world now knows his secrets. Everyone knows about Vell’s death and resurrection, along with the divine game he is a part of. Now Vell must contend with overly curious scientists and evil billionaires hungry for divine power while the daily doomsday cycle bombards him with terrorists, talking elephants, and the Grim Reaper himself -but if he can endure it all, the Last Goddess’s game promises the ultimate prize: power over life itself.
[Previous Chapter][Patreon][Cover Art]
“Should I be worried?”
Why would you be worried?” Kim said. “Dean Lichman loves us.”
Dean Lichman had asked the two of them to stop by his office, though his brief message had not said what for. That left Vell to concoct nightmare scenarios in his head.
“He doesn’t love all of us.”
“Alex doesn’t count as ‘us’,” Kim said. She was a looper in purely a technical sense, mostly due to her own refusal to be a team player. “Besides, she’s been behaving lately. She’s only been an asshole, not an active liability.”
“That we know of.”
“If we don’t know about it, Dean probably doesn’t either,” Kim said. “It’s fine, Vell, he probably just wants to ask us for advice or deal with some problem he has.”
“That’s not much better,” Vell said. “How weird would things have to be that the Dean is asking us for help personally?”
“Only one way to find out,” Kim said. She gestured to the door to the Dean’s office.
Kim entered first, and found it in much the same state as it always was. The desk piled high with paperwork, a small bowl of assorted candies shoved into the corner of the desk, and Dean Lichman behind it, frantically tapping away on a laptop. Vell had not been in this office for several years, and it was vastly different than the last time he’d been here.
“Ah, there you are, come in, have a seat,” Dean Lichman said. “Unless you’d rather we have our conversation elsewhere, Vell.”
“Why would I want that?”
“Well, it’s my understanding you haven’t been in this office since my, uh, predecessor,” Dean Lichman said.
“Oh, right, the kidnapping,” Vell said. “No, I’m good, I don’t really get traumatized by things anymore.”
Vell had been killed too many different ways in too many different places to have a functional trauma response. A few days ago he’d gotten his legs chewed off by a vending machine, and still stopped by it to pick up a soda on his way to the office.
“That’s a very concerning response, Mr. Harlan.”
“Yeah. Anyway, what did you need?”
Dean Lichman gestured for the duo to take a seat, and both did so. He folded desiccated hands in front of himself before beginning to speak.
“I would like to ask you two to take a look at an experiment that will be occurring later this week,” Dean Lichman said. “I don’t have any reason to believe it poses a threat, but I would like to be assured it is a safe and ethical environment, and, well, you two have a knack for identifying trouble spots.”
“You could say that,” Kim said. It was more accurate to say that trouble had a way of identifying them -and then leaping at them and ripping their heads off.
“I’d appreciate it if the two of you could simply examine the laboratory and give it your approval, or disapproval, as the case may be,” Dean Lichman said. “Though if you’re too busy, I fully understand.”
“If you don’t think this is dangerous, why are you asking for our help anyway?”
“Simply for my own peace of mind, frankly,” Dean Lichman said. “The school’s policies on animal experimentation are...satisfactory, I suppose, but I do want to take extra precautions when the subject is a creature as smart as an elephant.”
“An elephant?”
“Yes, a resident of a reserve in Thailand,” Dean Lichman said. “An older elephant by the name of Mae Noi. She has cancer, apparently, and she is submitting to experimental treatment in the hopes it will be useful for younger elephants.”
Kim’s digital face briefly flashed with a facial expression of concerned skepticism.
“‘She’ is submitting to treatment? As in the elephant?”
“Yes. Apparently the elephant can talk,” Dean Lichman said. “No, I don’t know how it works, they said it was ‘more impressive in person’.”
“Well now I kind of want to go just to see the talking elephant,” Vell said.
“Same.”
“Well, do try to take a few glances at the experiment’s safety while you’re there,” Dean Lichman said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Vell said. “Thanks for the heads up.”
“I’ll be there too,” Kim said.
“Excellent. Thank you both, and I’ll try not to take up too much of your time,” the Dean said. He then bid them both a polite goodbye and returned to his mountains of paperwork. Vell took a step out of the office and then took a sip from the soda he’d recently retrieved from the evil vending machine.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think I really do want to see the talking elephant,” Kim said.
“Obviously, yeah, we all want to see the talking elephant,” Vell said. “I mean the whole situation. You think the elephant thing is going to be the daily apocalypse for that day?”
“Well, on the one hand, an elephant seems like the kind of thing that would kill us,” Kim said. “But on the other, I feel like the fact we have advance warning means it’s not going to happen.”
“True. The universe probably wouldn’t make it that easy for us.”
“Yeah, but the elephant thing still feels pretty threatening,” Kim said. “Only way to find out is to wait a few days, I guess.”
A FEW DAYS LATER
“Hello you two,” Dean Lichman said. “And Hawke.”
“Hey,” Hawke said.
“He also wanted to see the talking elephant,” Kim explained.
“Well, that’s not a problem, it was an open invitation,” Dean Lichman said.
“Thanks. Still, sorry for not saying I was going to show up in advance,” Hawke said. “It took me a long time to make up my mind whether I was more interested in or afraid of a talking elephant.”
“They are rather large, aren’t they? I suppose that could be intimidating.”
“I’m okay with elephants on their own, it’s the talking part that doesn’t sit right with me,” Hawke said. “What if the elephant doesn’t like me? What if I’m the first person to ever get insulted by an elephant?”
“You’re less afraid of getting trampled by an elephant than insulted by one?”
“I’m a little afraid of trampling, but elephants are chill,” Hawke explained. “They wouldn’t attack unless provoked. I kind of feel like one might call me a dipshit unprovoked, though.”
“You have oddly specifics fears, Mr. Hughes,” Dean Lichman said.
“Yeah.”
In spite of those fears, Hawke happily stepped through the door to the zoology lab. It did not take a long time to locate the elephant in the room, as it was a literal elephant. The towering pachyderm was in a makeshift pen in the center of the lab, with an ample supply of food and a strange pedestal in front of her.
“Dr. Chanthara,” Dean Lichman said, with a polite wave to one of the researchers in the room. “Good to see you. These are the students I told you about.”
“Hm. Nice to meet you,” Dr. Chanthara said. He was, perhaps not unreasonably, skeptical of why three seemingly random students were in charge of a safety inspection. The fact that one of the three was a robot made him even more skeptical.
“Hi, nice to meet you too, and, uh, don’t mind us,” Vell said. “We just have an eye for weird things other people might miss.”
“Sure. I- wait. Aren’t you that kid who got chosen by a god?”
“Yeah, that’s me,” Vell said. “And her too, technically.”
Kim shrugged. She didn’t care for any extra attention on that point.
“Right,” Chanthara said. He was beginning to see why these students might know their stuff. “I suppose we should start by introducing you to Mae Noi. Say hello, Mae.”
The elephant shifted on her feet and poked her trunk at the wide pedestal in front of her twice.
“Hello. Friends,” a synthesized voice droned. Vell stepped a little closer to the pedestal, just enough to see that there were an array of buttons on the side facing Mae Noi.
“Oh, it’s kind of like a keyboard,” Vell said. He’d seen similar things used with dogs, though usually in a much simpler fashion. Mae Noi seemed to have a few dozen buttons at her disposal.
“Smart,” Mae Noi said, with another prod of her trunk.
“We initially put it into our sanctuary as a bit of a novelty, something elephants could choose to interact with,” Dr. Chanthara explained. “Mae Noi took to it a bit better than most. Especially once she found out she could use it to ask for food.”
“Food. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin.”
“No, Mae, no food until after experiment,” Dr. Chanthara scolded.
“Experiment,” Mae Niko said with a prod. “Pumpkin.”
“Yes, experiment then pumpkin,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“That’s not really a talking elephant, is it?” Hawke said.
“It’s more talking than most elephants,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“Elephant. Smart,” Mae Niko said. “Smart.”
“Yes, uh, right, elephant smart,” Hawke said. He took a step back, to avoid any further offense and any further risk of being insulted by Mae Noi.
“You’re very impressive, Mae, don’t mind him,” Kim said. “How many words does she know?”
“Our platform back home has around three hundred words, though she’s still learning some of them,” Dr. Chanthara said. “The ‘travel’ version we put together only has a hundred, just enough to make sure she can get her basic needs met and communicate about the experiment.”
“Right, speaking of, I do believe we should put some time into our reason for being here,” Dean Lichman interjected. “You’re welcome to stick around afterwards, at Dr. Chanthara and Mae Noi’s discretion, of course, but we should get underway.”
“We probably should get to business, yeah,” Kim said. She tapped the side of her metal head. “I’m going to scan the lab. Vell, you talk to the elephant and make sure everything’s above-board.”
“Abov- oh, right,” Vell said. “Sorry, not exactly used to being able to ask animals if they agree to animal experimentation.”
“Experiment,” Mae said.
“Yeah, experiment,” Vell said, as he turned to Mae. “So, Mae Noi, this experiment might hurt, do you know that?”
“Experiment. Hurt. Elephant,” Mae Noi prodded. “Experiment. Help. Elephant. Help. Baby.”
“Help baby?”
“Baby. Baby. Elephant. Sick. Baby. Sick.”
“We’ve explained the nature of her condition to Mae Noi as best we can,” Dr. Chanthara said. “She has several children, and is concerned they might be similarly affected.”
“Help. Baby,” Mae Noi said. “Experiment. Help.”
The way Mae Noi frantically tapped the buttons tugged at Vell’s heartstrings, but he choked those emotions down.
“So you want to do this experiment to help baby, got it,” Vell said. “Even if it hurts you?”
“Elephant. Old,” Mae Noi said. “Hurt. Okay. Help. Baby.”
“Huh. Well, that does sound like informed consent to me,” Vell said. “Passes ethical muster, at least.”
The campus rules allowed students to be experimented on, with their consent, so Vell saw no reason not to apply the same standard to an elephant.
“You speak up if you change your mind about the experiment, okay?”
“Stop. Stop. Stop,” Mae said, mashing the same button a few times. “Yes.”
“You got it. I’m going to go help my friends check things out,” Vell said. “Good talking to you, Mae.”
“Good. Talk. Friend,” Mae said. She waved goodbye with her trunk, and Vell waved back. He wandered away from Mae Noi’s pedestal and found Kim and Hawke carefully examining rows of beakers and various other supplies.
“Nothing sus yet, boss,” Hawke said.
“Nothing caustic, mutagenic, or explosive?”
“Well, something mutagenic, but it’s supposed to be,” Kim said. She had scanners built into her body much like those that had once been in Vell’s glasses, allowing her to analyze the complex chemical formulas at a glance. “They’re going for some gene editing similar to what we’ve tried to do on human cancer patients. Low success rate, but not harmful. Some adaptations to work on elephants, of course.”
“Run it by any of our chemistry and biology student friends yet?”
“A few,” Kim said. “Haven’t gotten anything back yet, though.”
“Maybe run it by Skye, too,” Vell said. “She’d recognize anything that’d mutate an animal.”
“She does love to mutate things,” Kim said.
“Benevolently,” Vell insisted. “Just show her. I’m going to check for any stray equipment.”
The presence of an unusually large test subject had resulted in the lab being rearranged and reshuffled, so Vell did a quick scan for any misplaced equipment that might pose a threat. He found, to his surprise, a tidy and well-organized environment, with any and all extraneous materials securely locked away. There wasn’t so much as a shrink ray out of place. Vell did another loop just to be sure, but returned to his friends empty-handed.
“This place has less safety hazards than my lab,” Vell said. Hawke stared at him for a while.
“Why does your lab have safety hazards?’
“I do runecarving, there’s like, hammers and chisels,” Vell said. “Those can hurt people.”
“Mm, true,” Hawke said. “So you really didn’t find anything?”
“Nothing,” Vell said. “This place is secure as I’ve ever seen a lab be.”
“It’s like I said,” Kim began. “We got an actual warning about it, so obviously nothing’s going to go wrong. That’d be too easy.”
“Maybe,” Vell said. “Things can get teleported in, or someone could cast a spell, or something.”
“Yeah, but that applies to anywhere, at any time,” Kim said.
“Kim’s right,” Hawke said. “I say we go business as usual.”
“I guess,” Vell said. “We have to branch out a little, at least. Can’t keep an eye on one room all day.”
The trio stopped sulking around the outskirts of the lab and returned to Dean Lichman and Dr. Chanthara.
“Everything looks good,” Kim said. “Probably the safest lab I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ll choose to take that as a compliment,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“We have very high safety standards here at the Einstein-Odinson,” Dean Lichman said, defensively. “Relatively speaking. Innovation requires some risk.”
“I understand perfectly. So does Mae.”
“Hurt. Okay,” Mae said.
“Not that okay,” Vell said. “Nice meeting you, Dr. Chanthara. You too, Mae.”
“Wait.”
Mae prodded one of the buttons on her pedestal and then pointed her trunk at the three of them. Hawke looked deeply concerned, but stepped forward alongside Vell and Kim. Mae Noi appraised them with massive brown eyes, and then moved her trunk back towards the pedestal. Vell noticed a distinctive scar on the bridge of her long nose just as Mae Noi pressed another button.
“Joke.”
“...Joke?”
Dr. Chanthara sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Just go along with it,” he said. “She likes to tell her joke.”
“Uh, okay,” Vell said. “Let’s hear it.”
“What. Elephant. Favorite. Part. Tree.”
“Umm...I don’t know, Mae,” Vell lied. He’d heard this joke from a kid, once. “What part?”
“Trunk,” Mae said. She gave a loud bray of amusement and then slammed her trunk down a few more times to emphasize the punchline. “Trunk. Trunk.”
“Oh, ha, I get it,” Kim said, hoping her feigned laugh was convincing. She’d never tried to lie to an elephant before. “Good one, Mae.”
Mae Noi shifted from side to side, looking pleased with herself, while the trio took a step back and stopped their feigned laughter.
“Did you give her buttons just to tell that joke with?”
“She gets upset,” Dr. Chanthara said. “I’m not even sure she understands the pun, she just likes people’s reactions.”
“As long as she’s having fun,” Hawke said.
“We’ll get out of your hair now,” Vell said. “Good luck with the experiment, feel free to let us know if you need a hand with anything.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Dr. Chanthara said. Some of his earlier skepticism seemed to have softened, but he did not seem entirely onboard with three strangers mucking about with his experiment. Vell and his friends left before they stretched what little goodwill they had any further. Mae Noi waved her trunk goodbye as the three left the lab and stepped back onto the quad.
“I’m going to try and sneak some classes in,” Hawke said. “Later.”
“I’ll check some of our usual hot spots,” Kim said, before she too left. Once again alone, Vell headed to one of his own classes, and called up Samson.
“Hey, Samson,” Vell began. “See anything interesting while we were playing with the elephant?”
“Well, I thought I clocked someone acting suspicious, but it turns out he was only sneaking around to go see his boyfriend,” Samson said. “Nothing apocalyptic, but I did get called a homophobe, which is pretty emotionally devastating.”
“I’m sure you’ll recover someday,” Vell said. “Keep an eye out. Usually the safer things look, the more dangerous things end up being.”
“Will do,” Samson said, before saying goodbye and hanging up.
***
Vell got increasingly nervous the longer the day went without its daily disaster. He thought about checking in on Mae Noi again, but then recalled Kim’s warning about it being too obvious, but then remembered that nobody had seen anything suspicious anywhere else, but then remember that Mae Noi’s lab had looked perfectly safe-
“Vell.”
“Huh?”
“You’re spiraling,” Kim said.
“I’m not spiraling, I’m just,” Vell said, with a pause for contemplation. “Considering multiple options.”
“In a spiral fashion,” Kim said. “Eat the damn french fries. Honestly, what’s the point of ordering so many if you’re just going to let them get cold?”
“It’s not like they’re going to go to waste,” Vell said. The same time loop that allowed him to eat massive amounts of french fries without fear of gaining weight also allowed him to avoid food waste. One of the upsides of life in a time loop.
“Just eat, Vell,” Kim said. “You worry too much about all this shit.”
“I’m in charge, it’s my job to worry about it,” Vell said.
“It’s your job to handle it,” Kim said. “There’s no point thinking about this shit before it happens, you spend all day thinking about an elephant and then the universe drops, like, a bat with tentacles on your head. Just deal with as it comes, Vell.”
Vell leaned on the table and managed to chomp down on a french fry or two.
“You know, next year, when I’m not running the show anymore, I’m going to call and see if you still think it’s that easy.”
“I sure hope so,” Kim said. “I’m saying all this shit trying to make myself believe it too.”
“Oh good, you’re lying to both of us,” Vell said. “That’s cool.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it, Vell, that’s how it goes,” Kim said. “Eat your damn french fries.”
Vell rolled his eyes and returned to his fries, which were now starting to cool. Thankfully he would not have to worry about finishing them. A loud crash from across campus interrupted him mid-bite and nearly made Vell choke on his fries. He painfully swallowed the half-chewed food and then looked over his shoulder.
“Son of a bitch, finally,” Vell said. A few years ago he’d found it weird whenever he was relieved about a disaster, but now he was just genuinely glad to get it over with. The waiting was as killer as the apocalypse. He tossed his fries in the trash and headed toward the sound of chaos, with Kim right behind him.
“Already told everybody?”
“Well, I may or may not have left Alex and Helena out of the loop…”
“Kim.”
“They’d find out anyway,” Kim said. “I got to use my brain parts to get in touch with them, even over wi-fi that shit feels dirty.”
“Just get in- stop.”
Vell held out his hand. Kim froze in place and did not move. Not intentionally, at least. There was a small amount of unintentional movement. The ground was vibrating.
“Always love a good earthquake,” Kim said.
“That’s not a quake,” Vell said. “That’s...footsteps!”
Vell grabbed Kim and dove out of the way just in time for something to barrel through the walls of the dining hall and stampede across the room. Tables, chairs, and more than a few students were crushed under the feet of a hulking, brown-furred behemoth as it charged. Kim picked herself and Vell up off the floor and tried to trail its progress.
“That’s a- oh fuck me,” Kim said. “Please don’t say you told me so.”
Vell got his bearings and looked across the room at the titanic form of a woolly mammoth. Though it was definitely recognizable as an archaic mammoth, the ancient creature was also heavily mutated, unnaturally large even by mammoth standards, and with multiple curled, jagged tusks protruding from a slobbering maw.
“Well that could be unrelated,” Vell said. “Mammoths can come from a lot of places, cloning accidents, time machines…”
The mammoth reached a wall, and rather than barreling through, turned around, facing directly towards Vell. A prominent scar covered the bridge of its broad trunk.
“Oh, nope, that’s definitely Mae,” Vell said. The scar was in the same place and at the same angle. Even a clone wouldn’t have an identical scar.
Once the revelation had struck, Mae took her turn. Vell found himself staring straight down the barrel of a very angry mammoth coming right at him at Vell-squishing velocity. Luckily he’d been charged at by a lot of creatures over four years of looping.
Vell jumped up and to the side, and latched on to one of the curled tusks, which made for very convenient handlebars. Kim did the same on the opposite side of Mae, and punched her in the head.
“Wait, wait, hold off on the violence for a second,” Vell shouted. He tried to wave at Kim to stop, but Mae was thrashing so violently he had to grip the tusks with both hands.
“Good plan,” Kim shouted. “Can you get Mae on board?”
Another set of tables got crushed underfoot. Thankfully the other students were out of trampling range by now, but Mae Noi’s feet were still coated in the blood of earlier victims.
“Mae’s smart, maybe we can calm her down,” Vell said. He then ducked to dodge a swat from Mae’s mutated trunk.
“Call me crazy, Vell, but I think this is more than just a bad mood,” Kim said, as she climbed up Mae’s seven jagged tusks like a ladder.
“We have to try,” Vell said. The loopers rule against hurting other intelligent life forms had some flexibility for blood-crazed mutants on violent rampages, but they had to at least try to reason first. Vell climbed up on of Mae’s tusks and looked into one of her bloodshot eyes for any sign of recognition. “Mae! It’s Vell, do you remember?”
The only response Vell got was an enraged trumpet, which he didn’t think was a “yes”.
“Come on, bud,” Vell said. “What’s an elephant’s favorite part of a tree, right? The trunk?”
The massive brown eye staring at Vell blinked, and he felt a brief glimmer of hope. He then felt a brief glimmer of his lungs being crushed as Mae swung her head and slammed her tusks into the wall, and Vell along with them. Kim punched Mae in the throat and then jumped across the tusks to grab Vell and carry him to safety.
“You okay, Vell?”
He opened his mouth to respond, and a pint or two of blood came out instead.
“Apparently not,” he mumbled. “I might be down a few ribs. And a lung. Or two.”
Kim carried Vell a safe distance from the fight and set him down on the ground, where he promptly spat out another mouthful of blood.
“Okay, uh, you just lie there and try to die peacefully, I guess,” Kim said.
“Way ahead of you.”
***
“Was that last bit as funny as I thought it was?” Vell asked. “I think the blood loss was affecting my sense of humor.”
“It was kind of hard to appreciate in the moment,” Kim said. “But as far as dying jokes go, it was pretty good.”
Vell and Kim walked into the lair for their morning meeting and joined the loopers that had already gathered.
“Okay, what’d I miss while I was dead?”
“Well, after Alex was done getting herself killed,” Samson began.
“You’re saying that as if it’s something to be ashamed of,” Alex said. “Vell also died.”
“Yeah, but he got killed trying to do something good. You got killed trying to do something stupid.”
“Trying to eliminate a threat is not stupid,” Alex said.
“We don’t kill intelligent creatures,” Hawke said. “Sometimes we punch them into a coma, but we don’t kill them.”
“When a dog bites, you put it down, I don’t see why the same principle doesn’t apply to a mammoth that’s crushed seventy people.”
“That wasn’t Mae’s fault,” Vell said. “She got mutated, or something. On that note: did you guys figure out what happened to Mae Noi?”
“Nothing,” Hawke said. “Looked like Mae smashed up the entire lab, trampled everyone involved in the experiment too. Nothing left to investigate, and nobody left alive to interrogate.”
“Typical,” Vell sighed. “At least we have an easy out. Dean Lichman was really concerned about the ethics of that whole experiment. We raise some kind of complaint, we could probably get the whole thing shut down.”
“The problem is getting the complaint,” Hawke said. “That lab was airtight, Vell.”
“Apparently not completely airtight,” Kim said. “I can camp out in the lab and raise an entirely justifiable stink whenever something capable of making a murder-mammoth shows up.”
“And what if it happens so suddenly you can’t complain about it?” Samson asked. “For all we know that could’ve been some kind of dimensional rift, or time anomaly, or something. It might not be as simple as somebody just putting in the wrong syringe at the wrong time.”
“He’s got a point,” Vell said. “We might want to shut this down before it gets there.”
“Seems like our best option is to plant evidence, then,” Alex said.
Everyone else at the table spent a few seconds brainstorming ways to prove her wrong, and much to their frustration, could not.
“Okay, fine,” Vell said. “But it needs to be something incidental, not something anyone would get blamed for. We want to cancel the experiment, not get anyone in trouble.”
“I could have a seizure on some sensitive equipment,” Helena offered. “It’ll break something and nobody would dare get mad at me.”
“Can you fake a seizure?”
“No, but I’m allergic to elephants, so I’d probably have one anyway the moment I stepped in the lab,” Helena said.
“I don’t feel entirely comfortable sending you into anaphylactic shock for a bit,” Vell said.
“Offer’s on the table,” Helena said. “I’ll live. Wouldn’t have made it through that trip to the zoo otherwise.”
“Anybody have any non-medical emergency suggestions?”
“Seagull in the air vents,” Kim said.
“Will that work?”
“It happens now and then,” Kim said. “Seagull gets in, and Dean has to close down the whole lab for potential material damage and biohazard risks if they shit in the vents.”
“Really? We’ve never had to deal with anything like that,” Hawke said.
“It may shock you to learn that sometimes minor, tedious bullshit happens that we have nothing to do with,” Kim said.
“That is kind of surprising, actually.”
“Enough. Kim, can you grab a seagull?” Vell asked. He shouldered his bookbag, and stuck a hand into the extradimensional pocket that existed within it. “I can probably smuggle it in with my bag.”
“Yeah, I can get you a seagull,” Kim said. Since she did not need to sleep, she had to find ways to keep herself entertained at night, seagull-grabbing being among them.
“Alright, we’ll go grab one and put it in the bag,” Vell said. “The rest of you, be ready to meet us when I call.”
***
Roughly three minutes later, Vell put out the call and they reconvened in front of the biology lab.
“Yeah, that was much faster than I thought it would be,” Vell said.
“I’m great at grabbin’ birds,” Kim said. Seagulls were among the easier birds to snatch, even. They were suckers for food, and many of them were attracted to her shiny metallic body anyway.
“Let’s just get this over with,” Vell said. “I want this thing out of my bag ASAP.”
Even though the seagull was safely within a pocket dimension, Vell would swear he could still feel the bird thrashing and squawking inside his bag. He tightened his grip on the shoulder strap and led the way towards the zoology lab entrance. He grabbed the handle and held it as he froze for a second.
“Vell, what’s up? Is this bird escaping?”
“No, the handle’s vibrating,” Vell said. It was shaking the same way a wall near an incredibly loud speaker might. He pressed his ear to the door and listened closely. He opened the door immediately, and let all his friends hear the frantic trumpeting of a panicked elephant.
Inside the lab, Mae Noi was stomping her feet and trumpeting as loud as he long trunk would allow. She swayed from side to side in her pen, bumping against the walls not quite hard enough to damage them, but hard enough that it was clear she was doing it on purpose.
“What the heck is happening here?”
“Ah, Vell,” Dean Lichman said. He hustled over to Vell’s side and gestured to the entire room. “Maybe you can figure out what’s going on.”
Mae Noi stopped braying long enough to start mashing her trunk against her pedestal, mashing out the word “Bad” over and over again.
“Our test subject, Mae Noi, has been throwing an absolute fit ever since she got here,” Dean Lichman said. “Dr. Chanthara, these are the students I was telling you about earlier.”
While Vell reintroduced himself to Dr. Chanthara, Kim and Hawke stepped up to examine Mae Noi and her enclosure. It was a far cry from the peaceful, orderly scene they had examined on the first loop. They were half an hour earlier this time than before, but Kim found it unlikely that they had been able to calm Mae Noi down, clean everything up, and get back to work in such a short amount of time. They hadn’t mentioned any of this panic on the first loop either. They were soon joined in their confusion by Chanthara and Vell.
“We’ve tried everything; food, water, her favorite toys, even videos of her children,” Dr. Chanthara said. “We’ve even offered to call off the experiment, but she won’t listen.”
“She is an animal,” Alex said. “Sometimes they do things arbitrarily.”
“Not Mae,” Dr. Chanthara said. “Some of our sanctuaries residents from traumatic backgrounds can have outbursts, but Mae was injured in the wild. She’s never been like this.”
“Maybe some experiment on the island is upsetting her,” Vell said. “A sonic experiment only she can hear, or something…”
Vell stopped and thought about it. If there had been such an irritant, it would’ve been there on the first loop too. Everything always repeated exactly the same, except for-
“Could you, uh, take a step back for a second?” Vell mumbled. “I want to try talking to her.”
“Don’t get close,” Chanthara warned him.
“I’m not, I’m not,” Vell said. He didn’t need to get very close to tell a joke.
The massive brown eyes of Mae Noi stayed locked on Vell as he approached, and she continued to mash the “Bad” button on her pedestal.
“I know, I know, bad,” Vell said. “But, uh, do you want to hear a joke?”
Mae Noi stopped. She locked eyes with Vell for a few seconds, and then cautiously tapped a button on her pedestal.
“Joke.”
“Right, joke,” Vell said. He tried to recall the exact sequence of words Mae had used on the first loop. “What elephant favorite part tree?”
Mae didn’t blink.
“Trunk,” Vell said.
After a moment of contemplation, Mae Noi let out one final, fervent, trumpet, and then started mashing buttons on her pedestal again.
“Bad. Help. Help. Experiment. Bad. Help. Bad. Help.”
“Yeah, bad help, one second,” Vell said. He turned away from Mae Noi to look at Dean Lichman. “Hey, uh, excuse me, Dean? Hey, uh, if I remember correctly there are some pretty complicated rules on having intelligent animals on campus, yes?”
“Well, yes,” Dean Lichman said. After hearing of some questionable ethical practices involving an octopus back in first year, he had instituted a few clauses into the school’s ethical code of conduct regarding intelligent animals like elephants, octopuses, and dolphins. “Mae’s presence here is a bit of an outlier, but there were workaround, given her apparent consent to the experiment.”
“Yeah, about that, is she, uh,” Vell began. “Is she registered as a student?”
“Yes.”
Vell pursed his lips. It took a few seconds for his friends to catch on.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Samson snapped. He turned his back on the crowd and leaned against a wall while Hawke put his head in his hands.
“The first rule of looping,” Alex said quietly. “Loopers are randomly selected-”
She looked up and locked eyes with Mae Noi.
“From all registered students.”

Hey ya’ll, I just wanna speak my mind as a puertorican born and raised in PR who then moved to the US as an adult, in PR there is no such thing as white or black, we’re all just puertorican. However I have educated myself and I understand that race does not equal ethnicity, but i also understand the mentality behind “im not white, im puertorican”. That it’s just how we grew up. Our island was initially inhabited by Tainos, and then we were colonized by the spaniards, but they also brought african slaves into the island. Once these three ethnicities started procreating together, it created us, puertoricans. So to say that white passing ricans are exclusively white isnt correct because somewhere Im that DNA there will be traces of taino and african. There is a poem called “Y tu abuela donde está” that tells the story of a a white puertorican who has a black grandmother, it’s Very good and it’s a good way to understand our mix. Anyways, i’m not saying all this to defend ugly ass Gretch, that word shoulda never came Out her mouth. I just wanted to speak a bit on why ricans get defensive when they are told they are white. It’s like telling a biracial person they arent black enough. Puertoricans are a mixed race, we’re muts. We all look different but we all have the same Roots. Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol

Ugly interface, Synopses stretching the lists, text on black background. WTF? I forget how dependant my film viewing is on the lists that I maintain, and imdb does its best to spoil it with every new update.