Sorry it’s a long post, I’m just lost…..
I was officially diagnosed DID a little over a year ago, as well as BiPolar and PTSD. I am a married (of 17 years) 42 y/o female. Before being diagnosed I had learned I was having an enormous amount of sex with several people (even strangers)! I had zero memory of ANY of these encounters! The sex was with multiples, rough, crazy, hardcore sex! Videos and pictures were taken! It was just a lot! Which is how we (my husband and I) found out…. We were being sent videos/pics of me with other men! That had been going on since about 2019! One of the men was someone we knew. Long story short, I negotiated with my sexual alter to stick with ONLY that man we knew! She has stuck to that agreement for now. But her and that one person have an extreme amount of sex still l that is rough and hardcore - a type of sex I’ve never been into. She is using this man as a communicator at this point bc she refuses to communicate with me directly. My sexual alter refuses to front with my husband stating “that is my job!” She also stated she has cheated on my husband basically our whole marriage starting after my mother died in 2008. She stated no SA has happened but it was emotional abuse by my mother and sister along with a lack of self confidence my entire life! My mother also basically raised me that sex was bad (I do not believe this now). Also, my alter had been known to lie a bit so I’m not sure how trusting I am of her. I remember the emotional abuse so why would I have amnesia through all of these sexual encounters if the emotional abuse was the cause of all of this. I feel like there is something more…. What seems to be a huge SA that happened and she is holding that and not telling anyone. I just don’t know!
Me and this alter have come SO far with negotiations and getting her calmed down. But she continues to make threats that she will go back to her old ways if I don’t do “xyz.” It’s just been hard!
Does anyone have ANY suggestions or advice?? It’s been a long road and my goal is fusion and obtaining some of her sexual characteristics but keeping everything only in my marriage! Thank GOD for my amazing supportive husband through this!

We are a household of 2, filed taxes jointly last year and made 32k. I included my husband's latest tax transcript in the initial filing but without W2.
"The petitioning sponsor, submitted a joint Federal income tax return for the most recent year. Since there is no supporting tax documentation (W-2s, 1099s, Form 2555 and tax schedules) provided for the petitioning sponsor, we are not able to determine if the petitioning sponsor's income on the Federal income tax return meets or exceeds 125 percent (100 percent if military) of the poverty guideline.
The petitioning sponsor must submit supporting tax documents filed with the joint Federal income tax return."
"The petitioning sponsor, lists their current income on Form I-864 as an amount to be considered as sufficient; however, no evidence has been submitted as proof of current income.
Submit evidence of the petitioning sponsor's current income:

• Pay stubs or other documentation of pay for the previous 6 months.
• Evidence of other income, such as Tax-Exempt Interest, Qualified Dividends, IRA distributions,Pension, Annuities, and Social Security Benefits (only SSA-1099 and/or SSDI-1099).
• Letter of employment"

Do I have to submit a NEW form of I-864? or just resend his latest tax transcript together with the rfe letter, his w-2s, 6 mos worth of pay stub and letter of employment?

Edit: Original post was deleted due to being a repost. Check the first post here. This is an update post https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/1bfnp5o/unknown_woman_is_hit_by_a_car_and_has_lived_in_a/
Clarinha has been buried at Maruípe Municipal Cemetery today, May 14th, at 1:45 PM. Her funeral was attended by hospital staff who took care of her. Coronel Jorge Potratz, the doctor who watched over her during these last 24 years stated "It is a great relief to close this chapter, allow her spirit to rest properly. The cycle is closing, but her story remains open." He placed a white rose in her hands before the casket was closed.
She'll have a tombstone with her picture, the name "Clarinha" and a bible verse that still has not been choosen.
My write-up on the case:
Okay, so it's my first write-up here. I had always wondered why Jane/John doe cases were so famous in English speaking countries, while here in Brazil lots of unindentified people pass away everyday and no one bats an eye. We don't even have a name like "Jane doe" for those people, I think.
Well, there's a notorious case of an unindentified woman who passed away recently that caught my attention. On June 12th, 2000, a woman who had been hit by a car was brought to São Lucas State Hospital in Vitória, Espírito Santo state. It was lovers' day in Brazil (our version of Valentine's) and she was a white woman who didn't have any form of identification on her. I wish I could find more details on the incident, but I can't. She was rescued by an ambulance and was uncouncious when she got to the hospital, and spent the next 24 years that way.
It was noted she had a c-section scar, which meant she had had at least one child, but no one ever came to look for her. They tried to identify her so she could receive some sort of pension, but they weren't able to. On the next year, she was transfered to the Military Police Hospital and has been there ever since, under the care of Dr. Jorge Potratz, and has been named Clarinha by hospital staff. Dr. Jorge had been taking care of her as if she's his own daughter, paying for personal care items for her with his own money. Besides that, Brazil's Unified Health System allowed her to be hospitlized for the past 24 years without anyone having to pay for her healthcare. She didn't need any kind of life support besides a feed tube due to problems in swallowing caused by the accident. A doctor noted that in the scale for comas, which goes up to 15, she's around 7 or 8.
On 2016, TV show Fantástico did a segment about her, which brought the attention to the case. Several missing people families came from all over the country to check on her, but it was no success. A woman from Minas Gerais state thought she could be her missing sister. Her sister left the town of Ipanema on 1999 stating she was going to sell clothes. She left all her documents and 2 kids behind. It wasn't her.
They tried to take her fingerprints, but since her hands remained closed as a result of the accident, her fingertips got all roughed up and they were unable to get a clear print. Norma, a nurse who took care of her, said she called the name of a missing person who was thought to be her and Clarinha opened her eyes for a moment, the article doesn't specifies but I think it was proven it wasn't her.
Clarinha passed away on March 14th, 2024 after sufferig bronchoaspiration (no idea of what it is). They think she was around 40 or 50 years old. The police compared her DNA and figerprints to 12 missing people cases and found no match. Dr. Jorge Potratz took care of all the legal requirements for her to not be buried as an unindentified person.
Personal comments I have regarding the case:

• They did collect her DNA and probably still have it. Yeah, genetic geneology could help solve the case, but it's not that common here in Brazil due to being extremely expensive.
• She was buried, which means her body can still be exumed if needed.
  
• She was not on life support, the only medical care she needed was being fed through a feeding tube, which was probably how she ended up dying. "Turning off life support" would mean letting her slowly starve to death.
  
• In one of the G1 articles I posted down here, there's a picture of her with her eyes open. They're brown.
  
• Yeah, she could be foreign, as well as she could be Brazilian. There's the human trafficking theory going around and I wanted to note that this kind of thing happens a lot in Brazil, people are trafficked from one state to another, she could very well be one of those cases, although I think someone would have said something at this point. I
  
• "Imagine the cost of keeping her alive for that long!!!!" Free healthcare, don't worry about that. Really.
  
• Maybe some international attention would help solving this, that's why I'm making this update post.
  

Sources:
https://g1.globo.com/es/espirito-santo/noticia/2024/05/09/clarinha-ultimo-dna-da-negativo-e-corpo-de-paciente-nao-identificada-ja-pode-ser-enterrado.ghtml
https://g1.globo.com/es/espirito-santo/noticia/2024/03/15/morre-clarinha-paciente-misteriosa-internada-em-coma-ha-mais-de-20-anos-no-es.ghtml
https://g1.globo.com/espirito-santo/noticia/2016/04/resultados-de-dna-dao-negativo-para-possiveis-parentes-de-clarinha.html
https://g1.globo.com/espirito-santo/noticia/2016/01/clarinha-vai-passar-por-tratamento-para-recuperar-digitais-no-es.html
https://g1.globo.com/espirito-santo/noticia/2016/01/mulher-em-coma-ha-15-anos-ainda-nao-foi-procurada-em-hospital-do-es.html
https://g1.globo.com/espirito-santo/noticia/2016/01/clarinha-em-coma-ha-15-anos-no-es-e-procurada-30-vezes-em-1-dia.html
https://g1.globo.com/espirito-santo/noticia/2016/01/me-ensina-todo-dia-diz-medico-de-paciente-em-coma-ha-15-anos.html
https://www.agazeta.com.bes/cotidiano/despedida-e-enterro-de-clarinha-tem-data-e-local-para-acontecer-em-vitoria-0524
https://www.folhavitoria.com.bgeral/noticia/05/2024/paciente-misteriosa-clarinha-sera-enterrada-na-terca-14-em-cemiterio-de-vitoria
https://g1.globo.com/es/espirito-santo/noticia/2024/05/09/clarinha-ultimo-dna-da-negativo-e-corpo-de-paciente-nao-identificada-ja-pode-ser-enterrado.ghtml
https://g1.globo.com/es/espirito-santo/noticia/2024/05/14/clarinha-paciente-misteriosa-que-ficou-em-coma-por-24-anos-e-enterrada-no-es-ciclo-vai-se-fechar-mas-historia-dela-segue-aberta.ghtml

Hi Reddit,
I'm in need of some advice regarding my current marital situation and the potential sale of our home. To give you the full picture, I'll start from the beginning. Apologies for the length, but I feel all the details are necessary to understand the context.
I (29F) met my husband (40M) on Tinder four years ago. We dated for about eight months when my family had an opportunity to purchase a property. My then-boyfriend was also looking to be involved in a business deal of that sort, and he was interested in having his name on the property as well. My father supported this, seeing as how my boyfriend was a physician with a good income, and saw this as a way to bring him closer to our family. The opportunity came quickly, and we all signed the contract to purchase the house.
Trouble began shortly after this. My boyfriend requested that only he and I be on the title of the house, removing the rest of my family, as he saw a future with us and envisioned it as our potential family home. My father was very pleased to hear this and supported it, so we obliged. During this time, the property had increased in value, and I requested the other family members be paid off so we could buy out their shares. My boyfriend declined, feeling it was unfair.
To skim over some details, here are the highlights of the construction: My boyfriend paid more for the down payment than we initially realized would be required. Because of this, he paid no further construction costs. The construction proceeded with debt from my family until the construction loans came through. My family paid for the construction, and my father built the house for us without charging for his management services. My father was displeased with my boyfriend’s behavior and required him to pay more money for the construction due to inflation and the COVID shutdown. My boyfriend declined, and my mother and I secretly took out a line of credit to front the construction costs to my father, pretending it was from my boyfriend. Eventually, as we got the construction loans on a rolling basis after meeting construction milestones, my mother’s line of credit was paid off.
During this time, my family and I wondered why my boyfriend had not proposed. I decided that if he hadn't proposed by a certain time, I would leave him. Fortunately, he did propose on Valentine’s Day 2022. By spring of 2022, construction was coming to an end, and it was time for us to settle into the house. My fiancé felt uncomfortable with how much money he had put into the house and was worried I could leave him and make a profit. I promised him I wouldn’t leave him, but it wasn’t enough. He said he would believe me if I had a child with him, otherwise women would leave men if there were no ties. I told him I would have a child with him right when we got married. He suggested I come off birth control, as it takes months for a woman’s cycle to normalize after being on birth control for many years. I promised him I would come off birth control.
Coming off birth control was more stressful than I realized. I was very hormonal, breaking out, and felt unlike myself. This contributed to my fiancé and I fighting more than usual. In one particularly heated fight, I told him I would go back on birth control and even purchased the pills, but he told me he would break up with me if I did because he wanted to get to know the real me. I conceded, and then something switched in me and I became excited at the possibility of having a baby. I started tracking my cycle and figuring out my ovulation days. I shared this with my fiancé, and on one of those days, we got pregnant. I didn’t find out until the end of summer 2022. When I did find out, I told my fiancé and suggested we should probably get married.
My fiancé's first response was that we should wait to see if the baby sticks, and if it does, then we can plan a marriage but he wanted to wait until February 2023. I was very disappointed and angry and yelled at him. I felt alone and overwhelmed by the thought of having an illegitimate child. After discussing potentially getting an abortion, potentially breaking up, and potentially selling the house, I talked my fiancé into keeping the baby and getting married. He also wanted to keep the baby but was afraid of our situation. After many fights about when to have the wedding, we finally decided on December 2022. At that point, I was four months pregnant. During this time, my fiancé and I had major arguments that therapy couldn’t even remedy. We would yell at each other, slam doors, I would cry, and he would hold himself up in a room for hours. We had nice moments too, but they were heavily clouded over by the bad.
Finally, we got married, and things were good for a while. But then we faced some marital problems. My husband kept separate accounts and managed the finances himself. We had a joint credit card where I could pay for expenses without being questioned. He made all of the major investment decisions and major purchases. If I tried to disagree or speak up, he would get upset because this was not the submissive wife I had promised him I would be. I made significantly less money than him but lived a good lifestyle, buying almost anything I wanted within reason. Coming from a traditional family, I was upset that finances were kept separate. And so it continued that my husband would invest tens of thousands of dollars into our house so that his family from out of town would visit. We live in Vancouver, Canada, but his family is from Ottawa. In hopes of luring his youngest sister (of four) to Vancouver, my husband would make any modification to the house that his youngest sister showed the slightest interest in. This included a hot tub on the rooftop, a media system in the basement, a movie projector, and much more. After said sister got married, she made it clear that she would not move to Vancouver. Then a switch happened in my husband, and he suddenly wanted to sell the house.
Meanwhile, during all this time, I had my baby, and my husband and I were still fighting more than ever. I felt no support from him, and he felt drained by his work, our fights, and being away from his family. Recently, for the past three months, he has been consistently pushing for the sale of our house. This is where my dilemma lies. I am afraid to sell this house because my husband has kept finances separate, and the mortgage on this house has been serving as a way for me to feel secure. My husband contributes a monthly amount on a regular basis. He could have forced a sale in the past but didn’t, instead paying into the monthly mortgage on top of other bills. Now, he is considering forcing the sale of our house, but I am upset that he is citing financing as the issue when I have been begging him to save money instead of spending (his response is that $200,000 does not affect a $2M mortgage, and that he now feels burnt out and wants to retire sooner and live passively). If I agree to sell, I feel unstable about moving from our home given that my husband and I fight so frequently, and I am left alone to take care of the child. It is also worth noting that my parents live right across the street and come over frequently to help with the child, or I would go over to seek their help. My husband says that he feels abandoned and uncomfortable frequently because of our proximity to my parents, but I am because there have been times when I felt truly alone, and my parents were my only solace and support. My husband would ignore me for days, especially when I was postpartum and vulnerable. My parents now see my husband as someone who doesn’t put his wife and child first. My husband says that the massive mortgage we have is too stressful for him, and he can’t take that burden. I am sad that my husband will not consider keeping this house for another three years so that I can get comfortable with the idea of selling the house and that potentially I and my family can all move to Ottawa so that we can allow my husband to be closer to his family.
I don’t know what to do at this point, Reddit. I’m currently on extended maternity leave, but it ends in six months. My husband and I will have to come to an agreement about the house, otherwise, it is likely that he will force the sale of the house even if I’m not ready to move. I’ve consistently felt rushed and overlooked in this relationship. I am tired of being the small voice that does not impact decision-making. My husband is now being nice to me and trying to show me a good time, but I see it as him turning on his charming mode so that I can say yes to the sale of this house. I’m not sure what to do. Our fights and disagreements are so bad and the marriage feels like doom sometimes (never any physical violence). I sometimes questions even staying with him, but I worry for my daughter. He is a good father to her, when he is present and off his phone.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR:
I need advice. I met my husband four years ago, and we bought a house together with my family's help. Financial disputes caused issues. Despite getting married and having a baby, we fight often. My husband handles our finances separately, spent a lot on the house, but now wants to sell it. I feel insecure about selling because the mortgage is like an investment to me, and also I rely on my parents, who live nearby, for help with our child. My husband feels stressed by the mortgage and feels homesick for his family 3000km away. I feel overlooked in decision-making and am unsure whether to agree to the sale, or to stand my ground and not sell. Sometimes I question staying in the marriage for my daughter’s sake, or is it better give up on this unhappy marriage.

I’m struggling so much trying to feel less guilty about breaking up with my bf of 5 years. I’ve cried every single day since and it’s been almost four months. We had a dog together that he got me as a gift. It was my dream dog and I’ve never loved anything more. We had a lot of issues and have overcame so much in the 5 years including long distance and grieving a death. My family was pushing for us to break up and didn’t want us together while his family loved me. I am a very family oriented person and he stopped going to my family events two years ago because he didn’t really like my family and it overwhelmed him, which made my family dislike him even more thinking he didn’t even try but he did in the beginning then stopped after I moved in with him. I worked with his family and my whole life revolved around him for two years. We lived together for 3 and the house was stunning. I loved it so much and loved living there and took my dog for a walk every day. I had a really good paying job and easy life. I met him when I was 19 and he was 27 so he had already gone out a lot and was more ready to settle down. When I first moved to his city I wanted to go out and he never really joined me. I was 22 and wanted to explore the city and never really asked him because he didn’t seem to want to go out. I turned 24 and didn’t really care about going out anymore just wanted to be with him more. He loves gambling and would go a lot and it never bothered me until recently I felt like he didn’t want to spend time with me as much. We broke up for a while and I felt so lost with out him. It lasted two months and he told me he went to a strip club which was one of my triggers since he used to go all the time before he dated me and it always bothered me and made me feel jealous/insecure. He went 3 times during us dating and I said it was fine as long as he told me but I would secretly cry about it and feel super crappy and like I wasn’t good enough. I did a lot wrong in the relationship. I would complain to my family and seek attention from other people just to receive some compliments and feel good about myself. I realize that I had a lot of red flags and wish I wasn’t so immature in the beginning. I messed up a lot and have felt so much guilt and beat myself up everyday. I feel sick about it all and the way it ended. It was a pretty toxic relationship but I don’t doubt at all that we didn’t love each other. I had a lot of issues being able to be in a serious relationship and it was hard for me to commit in the beginning it took me awhile to call him my bf because I was really scared I would get hurt. I know now that I wasn’t ready in the beginning and I needed to work through a lot of issues on my own but I didn’t want to lose him. He definitely added a lot to my insecurities and anytime I told him one of them I felt he would use it against me. He had a lot of issues but I know that he loved me so much. I feel like I left everything I’ve known for the past 3 years. I had friends there, a good paying job, i would clean the house and didn’t have to pay rent. He would hold over my head sometimes but it was so easy for me financially. Just I was depressed sometimes like something was missing. I feel ungrateful now seeing what people put up with in relationships and how hard life is with inflation. I have rent now and a car bill and I’m a server. Life is incredibly hard for me and I make way less than I did working with his family. I felt awful leaving him and I gave him the dog. I lost my will to live almost and knew there were a ton of problems but felt like if I finally left my family would be happy and their opinions matter a lot to me but now I’m lonely every night and wake up lost and afraid of what my life is now. I’m at peace but I’ve never been so lonely. I have a supportive family and am going to therapy now and it’s helping but I still wonder if I messed up my whole life by quitting my job, moving out, breaking up with him and letting him keep the dog. I think I felt so guilty because I confessed to him that I was with someone when we were on break and the guilt was eating me up in side. He wouldn’t tell me what he wanted to do if he wanted to forgive me for a week he wanted to think about it but I just moved out before he told me and haven’t really talked to him and went no contact. I wrote him a 5 page letter about how much I love him and I want to work on myself and that I was sorry for what I did. He never really apologized to me because I’ve always taken the blame for everything before he could. I didn’t really communicate with him well about the things that bothered me. I didn’t really give him a chance to change I just hoped he would notice. He asked me to go to a hotel to gamble with him a few days before I left. I told him I didn’t want to and to go with out me. He talked to me for an hour on the phone on the way there and I was okay till it was 1 am and I told him I couldn’t sleep and was scared and he hung up and didn’t care. I stayed up the whole night wondering bout him. He got home at 11am the next day and texted me he loved me. I got off work and told him it upset me and it ended up me being the one apologizing since I said he could go. He said he knew I would act that way and got mad at me. I just gave up the convo and just thought I can’t do this anymore so I shut down. I got distant and looked cold hearted when I left but inside I was dying. I feel incredibly guilty everyday and am scared to see him move on even though I’m the one who broke up with him. I’m scared I won’t find better and I still love him and his family so much and haven’t had any desire to be with anyone else or even talk to or go on a date. I’ve just been sad every single day and have tried to find joy but nothing excites me anymore. I felt like a horrible monster and idk how I even did this. I’m hoping it was the right thing and I’m trying to fix all my issues with my therapist. I feel like I desired to be single in the beginning of our relationship but now that I am I hate it and miss him so much. I’m terrified and still in denial. This is all coming out messy but just so much about it is all messy and I feel like I messed up everything. I wanted to marry him but I felt like I messed it up and sabotaged it too much and couldn’t come back from it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been journaling everyday and trying to remain strong and not reach out when I miss him and my life and now my life is hard and I make no money and have tons of bills. It’s terrifying and I relied on him a lot financially. I feel like idek who I am anymore and I’m depressing everyone around me because I’m so sad and everything reminds me of him and our dog. My heart is broken into pieces and I just want to be sure I did the right thing. I feel so incredibly selfish. I didn’t fully explain everything in our relationship but it was very complicated and at times toxic. I do miss him though and feel at fault for a lot of things. Idk. I feel like I lost my motivation and don’t really care about anything anymore. I wonder if his family hates me now. I feel like everyone thinks I’m a bad person for leaving. I just want to crumble. I don’t know who I am anymore and how to stop feeling less guilty. He’s going to have no issue finding someone new since he’s super successful and has his own house. I feel very insecure and I get memories on Snapchat of him everyday and have 5 years worth of memories. I’m terrified and stressed with money. I’m about to turn 25 and feel like I’m starting my whole life over. I don’t know how to let go even though I needed things. Is something wrong with me?

This is gonna be an interesting one and Ill probably get a ton of hate because maybe I'm an idiot but anyways... (LONG and IN DEPTH WARNING)
Me and this girl were together for around 3 years but have known each other since before we were even teenagers as she was my sisters best friend growing up. We had hooked up a couple times in high school and both lost our v cards to each other which idk if it matters but I guess I'm going into detail on this lol.
The summer she graduated we started hooking up again. One thing led to another and from very early on we both seemed to have intense feelings and a crazy connection.
After this she went to college in the medical field and I continued to work. She wasn't far away so I would go spend weekends with her and basically anytime she had outside of being in class and studying we were either together or on facetime for hours. (So before anyone says anything about college, she did not go out and just wasn't that type of girl)
The bad part of all this which ultimately could be what go us where we are is that her parents strongly disliked me and did not approve of me so she basically wasn't allowed to see me or date me but we continued working around that.
Her parents were abusive her whole life and became "helicopter parents" which caused her a lot of trauma and she would do anything to not upset them. (They checked her location constantly and would call her all the time to check in even though she's 21, she never got in trouble and was basically an "angel child" in her fam)
During the time we were together I would say every few months she would go into this panic attack mode of feeling that she was doing the wrong thing and that we couldn't keep going (because of her parents) but every time she would say she didn't know what to do because she loved me so much but felt like she couldn't be with me and that her parents would never let it work.
Multiple times we went over a month without talking and when we would start talking again it would be like we never left and we would both be dieing to see each other as soon as we could and then the time we would finally spend together would be euphoric and we would talk about how we don't want to be apart anymore.
That only happened once or twice other than those times we just couldn't stay apart from each other. For the reason of what I thought might be "true love" which these days in this generation seems nearly impossible to find.
Around the middle of last summer she finished her school year and had started hanging out with one of her friends from our home town (This is a girl whos never had a father figure, sleeps around every weekend, was always a big drama starter and does not have any goals or ambitions) As you can tell I don't like her because of exactly those reasons and my girlfriend was the complete opposite so I thought she was a bad influence.
During this time everything was great, we were seeing each other just about every day, being intimate and everything just seemed completely normal and fine.
Until one day she was hanging out with that girl and some of that girls friends... I had called a couple times to check in on her later that day/ evening with no answer or call back as well as texted which seemed odd but didn't think much of it but then everything seemed off for the next week or so until she eventually called me and said she didn't think we should keep talking because it wont work out long term and she had felt that I was overly concerned with her where abouts and what she was doing, which did not seem like it was really coming from her because weeks before this she had literally said I should call her more and be the first one to call more...
I gave her the space she needed until she reached back out a couple weeks later saying she thought it would be good to still talk just not constantly.
A couple weeks after that she had told me she started talking to another guy who she met on tinder after that day she hung out with her hometown friend who got her to get on the app (which she initially told me was her choice but I eventually found out the girl had convinced her to get on it)
Anyways that was all about 8-9 months ago, time has gone on we still talk every single day multiple times, we have been intimate a few times. After the last time I asked her why she was still talking to the guy and she told me she didn't know why she did what she did and that it was stupid and that she would likely stop talking to him.
She also kept asking me 1. "why it was so good" and 2. "how would I describe it?" I wanted to tell her "because that's how it feels being intimate with someone you love and have an emotional connection with after going months apart" But felt it was too soon to bring those feelings back so I told her I wasn't sure and to the second that I would describe it as "intense and passionate" To which she agreed and said it was unlike anything else.
That was a few months ago.
Now, in the last month or so I've noticed her starting to be slightly distant but its in a weird way, like she still calls me about every little thing and wants to tell me about everything. I feel like (and kind of know) I'm her only emotional support but its like I cant tell if there's still more than that here or if its gone and idk what to do....
Today that guy posted a bunch of pictures for graduation and one of them was with her and she commented hearts on the picture.
To my knowledge her and this guy have hooked up a little but still haven't been intimate and a couple times she even said she feels like she doesn't want to have sex with him.
This is a girl who has been by my side through everything like me losing my mother, getting in a serious car accident where I was in a bed for months and more.
She is literally my best friend and I have never been so close or felt what I feel with her with anyone else. She just makes me feel so comfortable and at peace while with her and when we talk. We used to talk about what it would be like when we got married and the way we wanted to raise our kids. Damn has life changed..
I understand it might be time to say good bye but I want to see if there's anyone with something to help or any piece of advice.
I also feel like a bad person because my mind keeps going back and forth between the following:

1. Just trying to give up on what it was and stay there as a her friend and continue to hold my promise of always being there for her. (very hard, I still love her with all my heart and it kills me to see her potentially with someone else)
   
2. Just telling her how I feel and that if this is truly what she wants then I don't want to talk to her anymore and cutting it off.
   
3. Doing number 2 and then reaching out to the guy and telling him I've been having sex with her etc.
   

If you actually read all this and made it this far THANK YOU! , I'm truly lost as to what life has become and what I should even do in this situation, any and all suggestions are helpful and thank you again..

Disclaimer: This is another one of my epic novels. Consider yourself warned.
Rule #1: Don't tell anyone at work. Rule #2: Don't write about work.
Somehow the boss and I got onto the topic of protein the other day... one thing lead to another... and before I could stop my lips, they spilled the tea. I at least managed to leave the MJ part out. Admittedly, it felt a bit like lying to the priest in the confessional (wouldn't be the first time that's happened)... except, this was on Zoom and we could see each other's faces.
Fortunately, I've lost enough weight now that the revelation was met with a raised eyebrow and a "WOW!" rather than the more typical.. "Really? Again? Until when? Lunchtime?". He's seen this rodeo before - more than a few times - so I really couldn't have blamed him if that would've been his response.
So far, he's been right EVERY. TIME.
And then he asked what my goal weight was. I should've known better.
"What? No! That's too much. You're such a big girl!"
Yes... Yes I am... but recent discoveries would indicate otherwise. (see my post EVERYDAY IS AN ADVENTURE for more information)
My goal weight is... ambitious.
While I would be the first to admit that my goal weight seems rather far fetched, based on my current weight. I didn't just pull it out of thin air. It was important to me that I set a goal that was anchored to something tangible - even if it seemed ambitious.
So, just before I started MJ in January 2024, I had a DEXA scan done. If you're not familiar with what a DEXA scan is, in the most simplest of terms, it's essentially a low radiation x-ray that scans your entire body and will calculate your body composition. You're provided with a report that will outline for you how much bone you have, how much lean mass you have (meaning muscle, connective tissue, organs, etc.), and how much fat you have. It takes it even one step further and provide a reasonable estimate of how much subaqueous fat you have (the annoying but tolerable fat) versus the amount of visceral fat you have (the evil fat twin you'd gladly give up for adoption).
So, knowing what my CURRENT lean body mass is under this fluffy quilt I walk around in, I could use that information to figure out what my "ideal" weight should be. How did I do that? Well, LEAN BODY MASS + 24% BODY FAT. Why 24%? Well, based on what I could estimate from guidelines online, 24% seemed to fit the mid-range of what would be considered 'healthy' for a woman of my age and height. So with a little basic math, I came to a number that is now my goal weight.
And yes, I'm perfectly prepared to settle on a much higher weight if, somewhere along this journey I discover a point where I'm actually comfortable in my own skin <-- Ha! Ha! That would be a first!
Plus, thanks to this subreddit, there is at least one person out there that started at a similar weight to me, same height as me, and is maintaining her weight within a range I had calculate. And she has the pictures to prove it! So, there is evidence that my end game is not entirely a made up fantasy. Thankfully, Cautious-Freedom-199 has been very open in sharing her personal journey, and it is her willingness and courage to share this part of herself that has made it possible for me to even imagine the possibilities.
So why am I having to defend myself?
Well, it's human nature.... and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Everyone will always have an opinion about something. We all do it. But what is important, is to recognize the intent. The intention, in this case, was not to harm me or ill will. Clearly, he has a point of reference, that he can relate to. And the number I stated, didn't align with his point of reference. And that's okay.
But still... suddenly I found myself having to justify my goal weight to him. A number, I'm not even convinced myself is based in reality. While I'm cautiously optimistic about the future, there's still a big part of me that has seated herself on the sidelines with her giant bowl of popcorn and strawberry twizzlers, keeping herself entertained with all of the replays of past colossal failures, while she waits, with eager anticipation, for the latest feature failure to premier.
My saving grace is that I'm a little bit of a nerd. I research the most mundane random curiosities, just for entertainment purposes - and also to help inform myself. Health, nutrition, weight loss all happen to be some of the mundane random curiosities I've obsessed over - for MANY YEARS. All in an effort to try and understand where all these little f*** fat cells came from, why they picked MY BODY of all places, and why every other cell in my body knows to DIE - skin cells die... brain cells die... muscle cells die... but for some reason, these fat little f*** fat cells convinced God to grant them eternal life. And with my luck, these little f*** will end up following me into the afterlife and I'll be fat there too - for eternity. My point is, when I find myself in situations like this, talking to someone who knows less about the topic at hand than I do... my super power is to literally bury them with information. More than they ever would want to know. And I don't stop, until they BEG me to.
Credibility is King!
If you're going to put any part of yourself out there, it pays to arm yourself with a few fun facts and have some tangible evidence to back up your rationalization, AND present in a way that is relatable to the personal your talking to. Nothing lends more credibility to what you're saying than sounding like the leading authority. In other words, it's hard to argue with someone who knows their shit. So when I explained how I came up with my goal weight, whether he agreed with it or not, it didn't matter. He could see that there was a methodology behind it, it was based on facts, and presented in a way that allowed him to understand there was strong logical evidence to support that number.
While this won't work in every situation - some people are just an ignorant stick in the mud - and you can't fix stupid, so don't waste your time even trying. Usually, if your audience is of reasonable intelligence and reasonably open-minded, and capable of having a respectful and rational discussion, then you at least have a fighting chance that they'll recognize that whatever your perspective is, has merit and isn't just complete bullshit. They may still chose to disagree - and that's okay. It's not your job to convince anyone that you're right and they're wrong. And so long as everyone agrees to respectfully disagree and leave it at that - there's nothing wrong with it.
Only time will tell....
He could actually be right.
I certainly don't know if I'm right.
And it doesn't matter.
But there are boundaries.
I did leave a key detail out of my discussion with him. Mounjaro. That was not by accident. And that's because I know there is a public perception of GLP-1 medications that is very misguided and misinformed and it is not a mountain I'm prepared to die on anytime soon. I don't know if he's even heard of these medications. It's quite possible he knows nothing about them. But it doesn't matter. This is a small detail I choose to keep close to my chest. Maybe, once I've reached my goal weight, I'll be more open about it. But no sooner than that, and it may well remain something that is on a 'need to know basis only' and most people won't ever need to know.
One thing I know for sure, and has proven itself time and time again, is that someone who has never had a significant weight problem their entire life CANNOT possibly relate to someone who has. They cannot process the distinction. They equate their struggles to lose 10-20-30 lbs to be the same as someone trying to lose 100-200-300 lbs. It's NOT the same. It's a different war on a different battle field with different rules. And I've learned that it's a losing battle to try and convince anyone just how different it is.
There was a podcast I recently watched on YouTube on PeterAttiaMD 's channel talking with Layne Norton. Layne explains why two people - one who has been lean their whole life - the other, fat their whole life - can both try to lose 20lbs and how the deck is stacked against the fat person vs. the lean person. I don't recall the specifics off hand and don't want misquote - but if this is of interest then maybe hunt through those interviews. If I can find it - I'll post it in the comments. But it was definitely an Aha! moment for me when he explained it. Sometimes, you hear someone explain the science and you suddenly feel vindicated.
So how did my conversation end with the boss?
Well, it ended with him asking me how many calories he should be eating per day, how much protein he should have, and then me calculating out his TDEE, caloric target, and macro ratios so that he can start on his own weight loss journey tomorrow. 😉
THE END.
< scroll credits >

Hi! Has anybody here got an approved expedite request? I just got an email back from USCIS asking for a letter on why we’re asking for an expedite request. Can anybody share their templates or tips, please? It would really be appreciated..
Our case: Our son recently passed away and I’m currently undergoing severe postpartum depression due to passing of my son. Been in urgent care couple of times due to anxiety attack. Hoping my spouse could be here to his funeral & be able to support each other.

I know nothing about this band but they are playing 5 mins walk from my home.
They seem to have a few gigs around the UK.
Any ideas apart from them being a 'rock' band ?
“Druga Rika” announces a tour in the UK and Ireland in support of Ukraine with an exclusive presentation of songs from the upcoming album'
“Druga Rika” is one of the leaders of the Ukrainian rock scene. They were among those who set the scene and developed Ukrainian music and remain one of the most popular bands in Ukraine. Over 27 years of activity, the musicians have released 7 studio albums, 2 compilations and an acoustic live album “INSHA RIKA”. Their creativity is a synergy of drive, melodicism and tenderness, which, combined with sincere lyrics, immerse each listener in the picture of their personal experiences.
From the very beginning of russia’s invasion of Ukraine, “Druga Rika”, like many of their colleagues on the stage, took on the fundraising mission. Holding charity concerts in Ukraine and abroad has already become traditional for musicians. Thanks to the support of their fans, the band has already collected over 13 million hryvnias to help the Ukrainian army.
In May, the Ukrainian rock band “Druga Rika” will delight its fans in the UK and Ireland with a unique tour presenting a combined program including the best hits of “Druga Rika” and an exclusive performance of songs from the upcoming album. This will be the musicians’ first tour in the UK.
“As this will be our first tour in the UK and Ireland, we decided to make this performance special. We considered playing an acoustic program “INSHA RIKA” but decided to go further. Thus, in addition to songs in acoustic sound, we will present several compositions from our future album for the first time”, – commented the band’s frontman Valery Kharchyshyn.
The band will continue to support the Armed Forces of Ukraine – part of the profit will be transferred to the needs of the military. “We understand that Ukrainians who are currently abroad may be financially exhausted, but at the same time, we must do everything possible and impossible to support the Armed Forces of Ukraine in this difficult time”, – the band notes.'

Hi everyone, I wanted some kiwis to weigh in on thoughts about the NZ social welfare system.
I always wanted to visit NZ and was planning a trip before covid that was obviously cancelled but I made it to your beautiful country a few months ago and it was so much much then I expected I just absolutely fell in love, no video or picture could do justice to what I experienced and as someone who always wanted to immigrate abroad NZ was always high on my list of countries and after visiting I decided that was it I had found my place. Currently I am in university getting my degree in social work and I looked at job listings in different cities and annual income it all looks very similar to my country but I know with inflation and high cost of living would I be able to make it on that kind of salary? How are working conditions in cities compared to rural communities? What areas need help in the most is it homelessness, domestic violence, poverty, etc? What has your experience been as a social worker when it comes to work organizations, clients, government support for programs? I deeply love NZ and want to make it my home one day with that being said how would I as an outsider be viewed if I got a job working with Māori people since the population to my knowledge does benefit from social programs a bit especially children. I can learn all about the culture and currently I am learning the language ( in which I sound terrible no doubt) but ultimately I don’t want to offend anyone or involve myself in things that people would get upset over. I know if I would get a job there as a social worker it is a straight to permanent residency visa according to the NZ immigration website which is encouraging but I would really love any input or advice you may have, I know NZ isn’t perfect no country is I know it’s not paradise there are real problems that people face especially with housing and low income so much so that many people move to Australia but even with that and the problems I’ve heard about the current government I still want to make NZ my home and with any place I live I want to work to make it better.

Hi everyone, I wanted some kiwis to weigh in on thoughts about the NZ social welfare system.
I always wanted to visit NZ and was planning a trip before covid that was obviously cancelled but I made it to your beautiful country a few months ago and it was so much much then I expected I just absolutely fell in love, no video or picture could do justice to what I experienced and as someone who always wanted to immigrate abroad NZ was always high on my list of countries and after visiting I decided that was it I had found my place. Currently I am in university getting my degree in social work and I looked at job listings in different cities and annual income it all looks very similar to my country but I know with inflation and high cost of living would I be able to make it on that kind of salary? How are working conditions in cities compared to rural communities? What areas need help in the most is it homelessness, domestic violence, poverty, etc? What has your experience been as a social worker when it comes to work organizations, clients, government support for programs? I deeply love NZ and want to make it my home one day with that being said how would I as an outsider be viewed if I got a job working with Māori people since the population to my knowledge does benefit from social programs a bit especially children. I can learn all about the culture and currently I am learning the language ( in which I sound terrible no doubt) but ultimately I don’t want to offend anyone or involve myself in things that people would get upset over. I know if I would get a job there as a social worker it is a straight to permanent residency visa according to the NZ immigration website which is encouraging but I would really love any input or advice you may have, I know NZ isn’t perfect no country is I know it’s not paradise there are real problems that people face especially with housing and low income so much so that many people move to Australia but even with that and the problems I’ve heard about the current government I still want to make NZ my home and with any place I live I want to work to make it better.

LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xttgsAnXHlA
libra zodiac predictions
libra zodiac predictions 2024
libra zodiac predictions 2023
libra zodiac sign 2024 predictions
libra zodiac weakness
libra horoscope predictions today
a libra zodiac sign
a libra and pisces relationship
best libra zodiac matches
what zodiac is libra's best friend
libra horoscope zodiac compatibility
libra zodiac coloring pages
zodiac libra color
libra zodiac daily horoscope
libra zodiac sign horoscope dates traits and personality
disadvantages of libra zodiac sign
daily zodiac libra
what are the zodiac dates for libra
do libra have a dark side
what is the zodiac element for libra
libra astrology predictions for 2023
zodiac predictions for libra
libra zodiac reading for today
february libra horoscope
zodiac libra facts
gemini libra problems
gemini libra and leo friendship
zodiaco libra hoy
horoscope libra health
horoscope libra yahoo
j z zodiac sign
male libra pros and cons
new libra zodiac dates
n zodiac sign
libra zodiac necklace
october libra zodiac
october libra zodiac sign
october zodiac sign picture
october zodiac personality
questions for libra
zodiac libra wallpaper
questions for libra woman
r zodiac
r zodiac signs
libra zodiac sign predictions 2023
libra zodiac sign predictions 2024
libra zodiac sign horoscope today
libra zodiac sign horoscope
libra zodiac sign horoscope 2024
libra zodiac sign horoscope 2023
libra zodiac sign 2023 predictions
is libra the prettiest zodiac sign
libra zodiac horoscope today
libra zodiac personality traits male
virgo libra cusp zodiac sign
wallpaper zodiac libra
wallpaper zodiac sign libra
what is the best zodiac sign for libra woman
zodiac libra horoscope
libra 0 degrees
libra zodiac horoscope 2024
libra star sign predictions 2024
libra star sign 2023 predictions
libra zodiac 2023 predictions
2 libra relationship
2 libra compatibility
3 zodiac signs most likely to break libra's heart
3 zodiac signs libra will likely regret breaking up with
4 libra placements
libra 4
5 libra placements
zodiac libra personality characteristics
9 libra sabian
libra predictions
2024 libra predictions
libra predictions today
libra predictions tomorrow
libra predictions for february 2024
libra predictions this week
libra predictions for april 2024
libra predictions for 2023
libra predictions march 2023
libra predictions for may 2023
libra horoscope august 2023
libra horoscope april 2023
libra horoscope april 2024
libra horoscope astrology
libra horoscope astrolis
libra horoscope april
libra horoscope animal
libra horoscope astroyogi
libra horoscope august
libra horoscope astrostyle
libra august 2023 predictions
2024 predictions astrology libra
libra ascendant 2024 predictions
libra ascendant 2023 predictions
libra april 2023 predictions
libra april predictions
astrological predictions for libra 2023
vedic astrology libra 2023 predictions
astrology predictions libra love
do libras like change
libra horoscope by ganesha
libra horoscope birthday
libra horoscope by susan miller
libra horoscope birth dates
libra horoscope best match
libra horoscope business
libra horoscope bejan daruwalla
libra horoscope by prokerala
libra horoscope by prem kumar sharma
libra horoscope bengali
libra career predictions 2023
libra career predictions
libra horoscope cafe astrology
libra horoscope compatibility
libra horoscope characteristics female
libra horoscope career
libra horoscope characteristics male
libra horoscope.com
libra horoscope cainer
libra horoscope career 2024
libra 2023 career predictions
libra 2024 career predictions
libra horoscope 2024 career predictions
libra 2023 career predictions july
tarot card predictions for libra
libra horoscope dates
libra horoscope december 2023
libra horoscope daily
libra horoscope description
libra horoscope day after tomorrow
libra horoscope december
libra horoscope definition
libra horoscope daniel dowd
libra horoscope daily ganeshaspeaks
libra horoscope details
year of the dragon 2024 predictions for libra
libra december 2023 predictions
daily predictions for libra
libra december 2022 predictions
daily horoscope libra prokerala
libra horoscope predictions today
libra horoscope elle
libra horoscope element
libra horoscope earth sign
libra horoscope español
libra horoscope explained
libra horoscope education
libra horoscope english
libra horoscope elle weekly
libra horoscope education today
libra horoscope elle monthly
libra predictions for 2024
libra predictions for today
libra predictions for june 2023
libra predictions for april 2023
libra predictions for september 2023
libra predictions for july 2023
hagan fox predictions for libra 2023
libra future predictions
saturn transit 2023 to 2026 predictions for libra
libra future predictions 2024
libra february 2024 predictions
predictions for libra
2024 predictions for libra woman
libra horoscope ganesha
libra horoscope ganesha speaks 2023
libra horoscope ganesha speaks 2024
libra horoscope general
libra horoscope ganesha speaks tomorrow
libra horoscope girl
libra horoscope gemini
libra horoscope good days
libra horoscope - google search
libra horoscope gemstone
gemini libra problems
libra horoscope hindustan times
libra horoscope hindi
libra horoscope health
libra horoscope hoy
libra horoscope huffington post
libra horoscope health 2023
libra horoscope health today
libra horoscope health 2024
libra horoscope hindi 2023
libra horoscope honey
libra horoscope 2024 predictions
libra horoscope predictions 2023
libra horse 2024 predictions
libra 2023 health predictions
horóscopo libra hoje
libra prediction in 2024
libra prediction in 2023
libra horoscope in urdu
libra horoscope in urdu weekly
libra horoscope in urdu monthly
libra horoscope in hindi
libra horoscope in urdu 2023
libra horoscope in 2024
libra horoscope in arabic
libra horoscope in chinese
libra in 2024 predictions
libra in 2023 predictions
libra prediction july 2023
libra prediction june 2023
libra horoscope june 2023
libra horoscope january 2024
libra horoscope january 2023
libra horoscope june
libra horoscope july
libra horoscope jessica adams
libra horoscope jan 2024
libra horoscope jonathan cainer
libra june 2023 predictions
libra july 2023 predictions
libra january 2024 predictions
june predictions for libra
libra horoscope kelli fox
libra horoscope kids
libra horoscope kannada
libra horoscope kerala
libra horoscope keen
libra horoscope king
libra horoscope kamal kapoor
libra horoscope knight
libra love horoscope today
libra love predictions 2023
libra love predictions 2024
libra horoscope love
libra horoscope love today
libra horoscope lucky numbers
libra horoscope love life
libra horoscope lucky color today
libra horoscope lucky color
libra horoscope love tomorrow
libra horoscope lucky days
libra lucky numbers predictions
libra prediction march 2024
libra monthly predictions 2023
libra may predictions
libra horoscope month
libra horoscope march 2024
libra horoscope may 2023
libra horoscope march 2023
libra horoscope meaning
libra horoscope march
susan miller libra 2023 predictions
libra may 2023 predictions
susan miller libra 2024 predictions
libra moon sign predictions
libra moon sign 2024 predictions
marjorie orr predictions libra
libra man 2024 predictions
libra moon sign 2023 predictions
libra male 2024 predictions
libra predictions november 2023
libra horoscope next week
libra horoscope november 2023
libra horoscope next month
libra horoscope next week career
libra horoscope november
libra horoscope next week love
libra horoscope name letters
libra horoscope now
libra horoscope next week ganeshaspeaks
libra lucky numbers lottery predictions
libra swati nakshatra 2024 predictions
libra swati nakshatra 2023 predictions
libra november 2023 predictions
libra prediction october 2023
libra october predictions
libra horoscope october 2023
libra horoscope of the day
libra horoscope oracle
libra horoscope overview
libra horoscope of 2024
libra horoscope of 2023
libra horoscope oscar cainer
libra horoscope of this week
libra october 2023 predictions
october 4 2023 predictions libra
libra prediction for this month
libra horoscope personality female
libra horoscope personality male
libra horoscope prokerala
libra horoscope picture
libra horoscope penny thornton
libra horoscope pregnancy
libra horoscope planet
libra horoscope patrick arundell
libra horoscope pinkvilla
libra horoscope partner
powerball libra lottery predictions
libra horoscope quotes
libra quarterly horoscope
questions for libra woman
questions for libras
libra rising predictions 2024
libra rising predictions 2023
libra horoscope russell grant
libra horoscope relationship
libra horoscope reading
libra horoscope rising sign
libra horoscope romance
libra horoscope right now
libra horoscope rob brezsny
libra horoscope reddit
libra rising 2024 predictions
libra rising 2023 predictions
libra prediction september
libra horoscope september 2023
libra horoscope sign
libra horoscope susan miller
libra horoscope september
libra horoscope stone
libra horoscope shqip
libra horoscope susan miller 2023
libra horoscope sign characteristics
libra horoscope saturday
libra september 2023 predictions
libra star sign 2024 predictions
libra zodiac sign 2024 predictions
libra zodiac sign 2023 predictions
libra horoscope today
libra horoscope tomorrow
libra horoscope today love
libra horoscope this week
libra horoscope today in urdu
libra horoscope today vogue
libra horoscope today prokerala
today's libra predictions
libra lotto lucky numbers predictions today
tarot predictions libra
tula rashi predictions
libra horoscope uk
libra horoscope urdu
libra horoscope updated daily
libra horoscope urdu 2023
libra horoscope upcoming week
libra horoscope urdu weekly
libra horoscope youtube
libra horoscope uk 2023
libra horoscope us
libra horoscope univision
libra horoscope vogue
libra horoscope vogue today
libra horoscope vogue india
libra horoscope vice
libra horoscope video
libra horoscope vogue 2023
libra horoscope velida
libra horoscope vice daily
libra horoscope vice monthly
libra horoscope vedic
libra weekly predictions
libra woman predictions 2024
libra horoscope weekly
libra horoscope weekly love
libra horoscope weekly in urdu
libra horoscope water sign
libra horoscope woman
libra horoscope what are they like
libra horoscope work
libra horoscope weekly hindustan times
libra woman 2023 predictions
libra woman 2024 predictions
libra prediction yesterday
libra horoscope yesterday
libra horoscope year 2024
libra horoscope year 2023
libra horoscope yahoo
libra horoscope yearly
libra horoscope yesterday hindustan times
libra horoscope yesterday vogue
libra horoscope yesterday love
libra year 2024 predictions
libra year 2023 predictions
libra zodiac predictions 2023
libra zodiac predictions 2024
libra zodiac predictions
libra horoscope zodiac
libra horoscope zodiac sign
libra horoscope zodiac astrology
libra horoscope zodiac compatibility
libra zodiac horoscope 2024
libra zodiac 2023 predictions
z library premium
z library premium membership
z library project
libra horoscope 11 march 2024
libra horoscope 13 march 2024
libra horoscope 13 march 2023
libra horoscope 1 march 2024
libra horoscope 17 march 2023
libra horoscope 10 march 2024
libra horoscope 14 march 2024
libra horoscope 12 feb 2024
libra horoscope 17 may 2023
libra horoscope 15 march 2024
libra predictions 2024
libra predictions 2023
libra 2025 predictions
libra 2022 predictions
libra horoscope 2024
libra horoscope 2024 ganeshaspeaks
libra horoscope 2024 career
libra horoscope 2024 money
libra horoscope 2024 love life
libra horoscope 2023 for students
2023 libra predictions
libra horoscope 30 march 2023
libra horoscope 31 march 2023
libra horoscope 31 december 2023
libra horoscope 31 march 2024
libra horoscope 30 october 2023
libra horoscope 30 june 2023
libra horoscope 3 march 2024
libra horoscope 30 april 2023
libra horoscope 31 january 2024
libra horoscope 30 november 2023
libra lotto prediction
libra horoscope 4 april 2024
libra horoscope 4 march 2024
libra horoscope 4 july 2023
libra horoscope 4 may 2023
libra horoscope 4 september 2023
libra horoscope 4 october 2023
libra horoscope 4 april 2023
libra horoscope 4 january 2024
libra horoscope 4 december 2023
libra horoscope 4th march 2024
4 libra placements
libra horoscope 5 july 2023
libra horoscope 5 december 2023
libra horoscope 5 june 2023
libra horoscope 5 march 2024
libra horoscope 5 april 2024
libra horoscope 5 may 2023
libra horoscope 5 march 2023
libra horoscope 5 april 2023
libra horoscope 5 october 2023
libra horoscope 5 february 2024
5 libra
libra horoscope 6 october 2023
libra horoscope 6 july 2023
libra horoscope 6 april 2023
libra horoscope 6 march 2024
libra horoscope 6 june 2023
libra horoscope 6 may 2023
libra horoscope 6 december 2023
libra horoscope 6 september 2023
libra horoscope 6 november 2023
libra horoscope 6 february 2024
libra horoscope 7 may 2023
libra horoscope 7 june 2023
libra horoscope 7 april 2023
libra horoscope 7 march 2024
libra horoscope 7 october 2023
libra horoscope 7 december 2023
libra horoscope 7 november 2023
libra horoscope 7 july 2023
libra horoscope 7 august 2023
libra horoscope 7 september 2023
libra horoscope 8 march 2024
libra horoscope 8 august 2023
libra horoscope 8 may 2023
libra horoscope 8 september 2023
libra horoscope 8 june 2023
libra horoscope 8 january 2024
libra horoscope 8 july 2023
libra horoscope 8 april 2023
libra horoscope 8 december 2023
libra horoscope 8 november 2023
800 libra horoscope
libra horoscope 9 march 2024
libra horoscope 9 january 2024
libra horoscope 9 june 2023
libra horoscope 9 august 2023
libra horoscope 9 november 2023
libra horoscope 9 september 2023
libra horoscope 9 may 2023
libra horoscope 9 october 2023
libra horoscope 9 february 2024
libra horoscope 9 october

Hi everyone, I wanted some kiwis to weigh in on thoughts about the NZ social welfare system.
I always wanted to visit NZ and was planning a trip before covid that was obviously cancelled but I made it to your beautiful country a few months ago and it was so much much then I expected I just absolutely fell in love, no video or picture could do justice to what I experienced and as someone who always wanted to immigrate abroad NZ was always high on my list of countries and after visiting I decided that was it I had found my place. Currently I am in university getting my degree in social work and I looked at job listings in different cities and annual income it all looks very similar to my country but I know with inflation and high cost of living would I be able to make it on that kind of salary? How are working conditions in cities compared to rural communities? What areas need help in the most is it homelessness, domestic violence, poverty, etc? What has your experience been as a social worker when it comes to work organizations, clients, government support for programs? I deeply love NZ and want to make it my home one day with that being said how would I as an outsider be viewed if I got a job working with Māori people since the population to my knowledge does benefit from social programs a bit especially children. I can learn all about the culture and currently I am learning the language ( in which I sound terrible no doubt) but ultimately I don’t want to offend anyone or involve myself in things that people would get upset over. I know if I would get a job there as a social worker it is a straight to permanent residency visa according to the NZ immigration website which is encouraging but I would really love any input or advice you may have, I know NZ isn’t perfect no country is I know it’s not paradise there are real problems that people face especially with housing and low income so much so that many people move to Australia but even with that and the problems I’ve heard about the current government I still want to make NZ my home and with any place I live I want to work to make it better.

So today I received a parking fine notice for parking in a Sainsbury's car park in a town 50 miles away . But it was not me I was at work during the times it specified and it seems that the car most likely had a similar plate. Also the picture only shows the number plate and not the actual cadriver . most likely It has mistaken a letter on the number plate but not sure if it could be something more nefarious. The number plates don't look similar as mine is electric and has the green stripe to the side and the dealership on the number plate but the one in the picture provided has neither AG64POR ( MINE ) AC64POR ( THE ONE IN THE PHOTO) It says I parked for 8hrs and 39mins from 2.41pm - 23.20pm
I was at work from 10am-5.30pm so plain and simple it's not me.
But how do I appeal this with little evidence or has what I have pointed out enough to get this squished with a photo of my number plate
These are not real number plates just pointing out the G and C being an issue
Thankyou

According to many posts and interviews by Ava Max, she has identified herself with the Aquarius personality type, now while I do not personally believe in Astrology (as i see it used wayyy to often for discrimination plus its problematic with the concept of freewill) I thought it would be fun to give you all a snapshot into what it would be like to date Ava according to the typical personality traits associated with an Aquarius (with bonus facts about Ava)! Sound fun? I thought so!

1. An Aquarius will be loyal unto the end and does not love just anyone! As such they expect complete loyalty, mutual respect and honesty in return. If you are looking for a casual hookup, fling, or an open-relationship an Aquarius will drop you in an instant! A downside to an Aquarius is they can be very trusting, believing others to be as honest and good as they are, and as such tend to be taken advantage of.

Fun fact: Ava Max was in a SEVEN-YEAR relationship. She also broke up with two partners for gaslighting and cheating on her, something which broke her heart. (Viall Files and Rolling Stones Interviews)

1. An Aquarius is passionate and fun! If you are looking for someone romantic, spontaneous, dominant, charming and unpredictable an Aquarius is right for you!

Fun Fact: Ava Max prefers to date the quiet, introverted and nerdy type of personality - and as such looks for someone whose nature contrasts and compliments her own. (Viall Files Interview)

1. An Aquarius is attentive to their lovepartner, however in return they also require a partner who they can not only trust, but someone they are safe to express anything and everything in their soul. To date an Aquarius means to be their friend first.

Fun Fact: Ava Max and Cirkut dated shortly after meeting, and though they broke off the relationship they have remained friends and close collaborators ever since. (AmoMama website - interview)

1. An Aquarius is drawn to vulnerability and deep-feeling/emotionally intelligent and mature people. An emotional connection is the most important thing to them. Alongside this they are analytical, clever and smart - and thus make for great communicators (honesty, smart, and deep feeling).

Fun Fact: Ava Max LOVES interior design and it is her favorite hobby besides singing/dancing - if you want something to talk to her about, this is a great place to start! (Maxwell Zoom and Viall Files interviews)

1. While an Aquarius is a passionate and loyal lover, they need their space and freedom, as this is a very free-spirited type of personality. If you are a controlling, clingy, or dominant person this relationship will not work out at all.

Fun Fact: Ava Max is a prominent advocate of the duality in us all and is a huge believer in embracing ones dualistic nature and identity - something very prevalent in her lyrics especially in her Heaven and Hell album. (Multiple interviews including Genius)

1. While an Aquarius is deep feeling and passionate, they can be aloof and have the ability to retreat into themselves and disconnect - especially during tension. As such, while highly emotional people, they do not prefer drama and may be emotionally detached at times.

Fun Fact: Ava Max is not this way at all actually (at least most of the time), and is very deep-feeling, outspoken, filled with many different sides and dualism within her feelings. (Idolator interview)

1. An Aquarius is an easy-going, creative, quirky, open-minded inspiring, wild, out-of the box, crazy and eccentric. If you are looking for someone plain and stable this relationship is not right for you. Their nature is very artistic, adventurous, and action focused. As such they tend to be unpredictable and inconsistent - so be prepared for that.

Fun Fact: When Amanda Koci (Ava) was young she catfished her brother as a prank (she loves pranks). So she came up with the name Ava and messaged her brother online for a month pretending to be some girl dating him online (putting an image of some model as her online picture). She then invited brother outside, revealing the truth that he had gotten pranked (he was pissed). That is how she came up with the name Ava and has used it ever since. True story! (Apple podcast - link below in comments)

1. An Aquarius is all about honesty, sincerity, and will always show their real-self. As such they cannot stand dishonest people. Their love language can vary by person but generally they value honesty and respect - when they say something, they mean it.

Fun Fact: Ava Max's love language is quality time as such touring can be hard on her as she is taken away from her partner. She will not go over two weeks without spending quality time with the person she is with. (Viall Files Interview)

1. An Aquarius is a friendly and bold personality. One will most likely will make the first move and can be very flirtatious. However this makes them impulsive - which can cause problems.

Fun Fact: Ava Max has never been in a relationship or hookup where she didnt make the first move! (Viall Files Interview)

1. While an Aquarius can be fun, spontaneous and wild - they are also very private and can even be solitary. As such to win their heart a person truly has to click with them.

Fun Fact: While Ava Max has a very public, bold and extroverted persona she is internally very shy, private and prefers to separate her Ava Max persona from her true Amanda Koci self - hence the difficulties finding information on her private life. (Multiple interviews including the Rolling Stone and Viall Files)

1. An Aquarius is a caring, loyal, and honest personality. As such they tend to be humanitarian and altruistic.

Fun Fact: Ava Max has a very caring heart, major issues for her include LGBTQIA+ rights (with her preforming at the human rights campaign in 2023), personal identity, empowerment and women's rights. She wants to inspire, uplift and empower people. (Bandwagon interview)

1. An Aquarius is DOMINANT and fiercely independent. As such they are uncompromising in who they are (hence the traits of being spontaneous, honest, wild, and free-spirited). As such they work best with either a submissive type of person or a person who is similarly confident in who they are but will not try to control or cage them. If you are dating an Aquarius they need a partner to support them in life, not a dominant person to try to control their nature.

Fun Fact: Ava Max's song Not Your Barbie Girl is the perfect example showing what type of woman she is.

1. Finally, The heart of an Aquarius is freedom of self and expression, they each are truly a UNIQUE soul. As such they are bold, determined and ambitious and have their bar set high for both life and relationships!

Fun Fact: Ava Max has been competing in music competitions since she was 8 years old and worked non-stop at trying to become a singer, even moving to LA when she was only 14, and returning there when she was 17. She has gone through extreme bullying, rejection, sexual harassment, poverty, betrayal and emotional hardship to achieve her dreams.
I hope you all enjoyed learning about Ava Max's personality type. As far her personality type according to 16 personalities she seems to be an ambivert with her Ava persona being extroverted and her Amanda persona being introverted. She also also extremely feeling (something prevalent in her music) alongside being very intuitive, being able to sense the nature of a person from their eyes (the widows to the soul) as she shared in her vial files interview. Finally she appears to be a mix between judging and perceiving - as she has signs of both traits. As such she is an (E/I NF J/P) - with the first and forth factors being pretty balanced.

In today's competitive job market, a clean background check can be the key to unlocking new opportunities. However, if your background check contains inaccuracies or negative information, it can hinder your chances of success. Whether it's an old arrest record, a mistaken identity, or outdated information, there are steps you can take to clear your name and improve your background check results.
First and foremost, it's essential to review your background check thoroughly. Request a copy from the screening company or the organization conducting the background check and scrutinize it for any errors or inaccuracies. Common mistakes include misspelled names, incorrect dates, or inaccurate details about past employment or education.
If you identify any inaccuracies, you have the right to dispute them. Most background check companies have procedures in place for handling disputes, so follow their guidelines for submitting a dispute. Provide any evidence or documentation that supports your claim, such as court documents, pay stubs, or letters from employers or educational institutions.
In cases where negative information is accurate but outdated, there are still options for mitigating its impact. For instance, if you have a past arrest or conviction, you may be eligible to have it expunged or sealed, depending on the laws in your jurisdiction. Expungement essentially erases the conviction from your record, while sealing it restricts access to certain parties, such as employers.
Another approach is to provide context to the negative information on your background check. If there are extenuating circumstances surrounding a past arrest or conviction, be prepared to explain them to potential employers. Express remorse for past mistakes and highlight the steps you've taken to turn your life around since then.
For more>> How to remove items from background check
Additionally, consider seeking professional help if you're having difficulty navigating the process of removing items from your background check. There are attorneys and organizations specializing in criminal record expungement and background check dispute resolution that can provide guidance and support.
In conclusion, while removing items from your background check can be a challenging and time-consuming process, it's not impossible. By being proactive, thorough, and persistent, you can take control of your background check and improve your chances of success in the job market. Remember, everyone deserves a second chance, and a clean slate is within reach with the right approach.

In a world filled with choices, discovering the ideal cannabis-infused gummies can seem as daunting as finding a needle in a haystack. Here at CANNABALS, we have made it an easy choice. We've curated a diverse selection of gummies formulated to cater to every conceivable occasion. Whether you're yearning to unwind after a taxing day, seeking reprieve from sleep disturbances, or craving an energy boost, our array of gummies presents the ultimate solution.
Relaxation and Tranquility:
Picture this: it's been a hectic day, and all you crave is a moment of peace. Our fast-acting edibles are infused with calming properties, providing you with the relaxation you deserve. Kick back, unwind, and let the soothing effects of our gummies that may even melt your stress away.
Pain Relief and Sleep Support:
Struggling with pain or sleep issues? Look no further than CANNABALS' hemp THC gummies. Formulated with precision and care, these gummies may offer targeted relief, helping you find comfort and restorative sleep. Say goodbye to tossing and turning, and hello to potentially a night of uninterrupted rest.
Energy Boost and Focus Enhancement:
Need an extra boost to power through your day? Our CBD gummies may be here to save the day. Packed with natural energy-boosting properties, these gummies may provide the fuel you need to conquer your tasks with ease and productivity.
Join the New York Community:
Still not convinced? Join the discussion on Reddit or Instagram and discover why our gummies are a must-have in 2024. With rave reviews and satisfied customers, it's no wonder CANNABALS' gummies are taking the cannabis world by storm. Don't miss out on the opportunity to experience the ultimate in cannabis enjoyment.
In conclusion, whether you're seeking relaxation, relief from pain and sleep issues, or an energy boost, CANNABALS' gummies may offer the perfect solution. With a wide range of options and dozens of flavors, they are made to suit every occasion. There's no better time to explore the versatility of our gummies than now. Join us on this journey and take your cannabis experience to the next level with the precise manufacturing of a Cirona Labs brand today!

reddit
Hello everyone, I am a 22/F and work at an early childhood education center. The place I work at is privately owned by a man, but is a corporation, if that makes sense. There have been a lot of issues since working here. First off, they encourage sick children and workers to come here. If one of my kids is throwing up, running a fever, or obviously very ill, they do not make them go home. They just tell us to give the parents a courtesy call and let them know the child does not have to go home. For workers, they do not let us go home if we get sick at work. We have a stomach bug going around and 3 of my coworkers are vomiting in the classroom bathrooms or trash cans. Our directors will not let them go home because they are fever free. One time, I was running a 102.8°F temperature and vomiting. I sent them a picture of the thermometer and said I would not make it in as I was sick. They responded saying they were understaffed and needed me to come in or it could possibly result in a write up. I got a doctor’s note so they couldn’t write me up. I was out a few days. The issue is, not everyone here has a backbone and they come to work sick when the directors tell them they can’t call off. There is always something going around at work. There was another time I contracted hand foot and mouth disease. I saw the doctor on my lunch break and confirmed it. I went to my boss’s office after my break, gave her my doctor’s note and let her know I had to go home as I was contagious. She said no and made me stay the whole day. I did not know how to advocate for myself. They would not let me go. This is a major issue here. Everyone here is always sick because of it. I’m sick at least once a month. I am sick today and my boss went off on me stating that people calling off here has become normal and she is tired of it. She told me she feels like I don’t even want to be here and that I am faking sick to get out of work. She told me if I stay home today, regardless of a doctor’s note, she will write me up and I am at risk for being fired. Every time I’ve been sick I have provided a doctor’s note. I have never not provided one. My call outs have always been valid. If I am not contagious, I am here. I am here today despite being in pain and contagious, though. Another example, 4 months ago, a 13 month old girl went to the doctor. She tested positive for RSV and came back. The mother said the doctor said she needs to be out until she is fever free, but she works here and had no one to take her child, so her and her child were here. The whole school broke out in RSV, and one girl was hospitalized for a few days.
Another issue is the directors play favoritism. The directors and 9 of the teachers here always go out and party together. All of their kids are best friends. The directors let these teachers they are besties with get away with anything and everything. It took one of them smoking weed in the bathroom to get fired, despite neglecting kids. I went into her class once and her kids had not had diaper changes in 5 hours. One of the kids’ diaper was split in half. Parents were complaining about their kids having severe diaper rashes. She would also scream in their faces and chase them with a hose outside. Again, it took her smoking weed in the bathroom to get fired. But I’m at risk for being fired because I get sick a lot. I was never sick a lot before working here, by the way.
They are also really rude with the way they talk to people. One of the teachers was concerned because we were out of ratio so she called the director asking for help. The director came outside and yelled at her, saying she knows ratio and knows how to do her job and does not need help because she’s been doing it for years. Also, this school is never following QA unless QA is here.
There is probably more I’m not even thinking about right now that has happened. There is more I didn’t mention just because this is already so long. I’m just stumped at what to do, who to call? Do I just quit? I’ve been here a little over a year and I’m tired of it.
We also signed contracts stating that we have to give 60 days notice before quitting, or they can keep our last paycheck due to trauma from lack of staffing. They said they can even ask us to give more money than the last paycheck if deemed necessary. These contracts, to my knowledge, aren’t actually legal contracts since they aren’t notarized.

NSFW Warning
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have) it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike.
My mother is narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me).
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
I'm sexually attracted to males 20 and over, and I'm romantically and sexually attracted to females 20 and over, I wouldn't even date an 18 or 19 year old.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
The other two friends I stopped communicating with, I wiped the account wiped the content from all areas they were stored on, deleted what they were stored, everything, and there is a possibility it's not out their at all.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, there was also an image I masturbated to which depicted a boy of my age giving oral to a man, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared, or any messages could be exchanged for that matter.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have), it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting. It was relatable.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike, and even my boss at my first job.
My mother is a heavy drinker, narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me). There was also manipulation tactics like gaslighting, she alienated me from others by telling her friends and family how awful I was. Pushed me into meltdowns and got me to lash out, to which she called the police and got me arrested and made me look like the bad one on multiple occasions.
My father was a drug addict who died when I was 14, I saw him less than ten times my whole life, he grew drugs in my room when I was an infant, my most distinct memory is him coming to my house very late one night when I was around 9 or 10 talking about demons and bad spirits.
Addiction runs in my family (my father's father is an equally heavy drinker, his mother is a drug addict who ran a brothel), so the addictive tendencies have been past down to me.
I probably was addicted to porn by 13, and had been feeding it for years without knowing it.
My adopted grandfather died when I was 4, and my adopted grandmother (which I lived with from birth) who was my guiding light, died less than a week before my dad did.
The only father figure I really had (who was an alcoholic but otherwise very good with me) was my mother's partner who she met when I was 6, and he died when I was 8.
I was also very close to my mother's best friend, who had been more of a mother to me than my actual one had been some time died when I was 17.
My mother had an abusive ex who stalked her and threatened to set fire to the house, who also left ranting letters and stood in the back garden at night, so we lived in fear of stuff like that for over a year from when I was 12 through 13.
She also had an abusive lodger who was an even heavier drinker than she is, so from when I was 14 through 16 I witnessed them physically fight, both get arrested and on a few occasions I had to defend her from him.
Many of my friends have betrayed me over the years (I know I'm one to talk) but when this started to happen I would have never dreamed of betraying anyone, personal stuff was shared about me which I trusted them with, there was a lot of bad talking about me without me knowing. My toe closest friend turned on me at age 12 and isolated me from my other friends, I blamed myself at the time which I why I moved schools at 13 since I thought I was just making everyone miserable.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was q9 despite trying to get it since I was 12, it hurt knowing I had been paying my whole life for being different, feeling ashamed of who I am (and rightly so now really), wondering why what I said was offensive, why I didn't understandfulky why this was wrong, why I was so sensitive to jokes, why I took e everyhing literally, why I made impulsive and reckless decisions without understanding the consequences of them.
I was never considered attractive and was ridiculed for it (girls used to jokingly flirt with me to torment me at school). I'm 5'6, always have struggled with weight, hairline started receding at 16, eczema so my skin is always red, dry and flaky, really bad diastema and acid reflux which means it's really hard to make my breath smell nice and my teeth are very worn because of it. I have had sex with someone who was older than me and we were both consenting adults, and we were both very respectful of boundaries.
I was also desensitised to other things slide gore and violence, I played a lot of violent video games when I was a kid, my mother is really into controversial shock movies (she got me to watch Cannibal Holocaust with her when I was 11).
The worst part about all of this is the fact all my friends who I love would hate me if they knew about what I've done so, none of them would trust me anymore or respect me, which is what friendships are all about right? So in a way they feel strange, they feel fake.
I could never find a relationship or true love because nobody wants to date a serial sex offender.
I hate knowing the fact I'm a sex offender, it's eating me alive.
I'm not registered and there is no real proof of what I did, so I can't turn myself in or anything.
I want to do good in the world, I have so much love to give, but it feels wrong me helping people because it feels like there is a sinister undertone to everything I do.
I've always enjoyed being charitable, I love giving money to the homeless or putting change in a donations box.
I feel guilty whenever I feel hapoy since I don't deserve to be, the only things that I enjoy now are food and playing video games, it's the only job I get out of day to day life.
The only fate I deserve is being stabbed to death in prison or something.
All I want is to be loved and accepted despite my flaws and mistakes, but I never could be.
The only other person I've told is my mother, who has been supportive.
I've been on antidepressants since 18 and I'm trying to get therapy, but I'm not hoping or expecting anything good will happen from this. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I wanted to change the world for the better, I wanted to have a son, not to hurt him, but so he doesn't end up like me, but I reliase that is not possible. I don't deserve to be around children.
I hate keeping secrets, but I have no choice but to keep this one.
I want to identify with good people, but I can't.
Every good thing I do is invalidated now.
I forgive everyone who has wronged me in anyway, since I'm worse than them.
I just pray I can go out doing good, doing the right thing.
I am no better than Jimmy Saville, Ian Watkins or any of them types of people.
If you want to motivate me to end it all, feel free.
If you have read through all of this, thank you.