Mom and daughter makeout

TL;DR: My parents feel entitled to my unborn daughter and make comments/plans despite me or my sister asking them not to. My father is starting to get rather obsessive about his role as a grandfather. I made a list of boundaries, and the response was not promising.
Ever since I got pregnant, my parents have become obsessive. This is "their" baby, and they are entitled to spending all the time in the world with her. My father declared that he would take my husband's place at the birth (husband is overseas). My mother said she will move in and be her nanny/second mommy (she wants to raise her). I'm honestly super creeped out because it's gone from normally excited grandparents-to-be to obsessive behavior. My requests to change their behavior are constantly ignored.
My amazing sister is backing me up when my parents talk bad about me to her. She tells them that I want personal space and that I will not be having visitors for a while after the birth. In response, my father calls me selfish and says, "we'll see how long she lasts". He and my mother call me selfish and "un-motherly" because I will not rehome my snakes that they think will kill my baby and are vile creatures. They are in locked enclosures and are ball pythons, not anacondas. I have asked them numerous times to stop commenting on my pets. Ignored.
They constantly tell my sister how I don't know what I am doing and that I will listen to them once I realize I am way over my head. I tell them that I will ask for parental advice if I want it. Ignored.
My parents currently live in a different state, but my father is moving here a month before the due date so that he can "be a part of her life". He literally told the rental company that I will be at the house all the time with the baby and that I'll be storing my stuff there (what stuff?) and that he might have me move in with him at some point. I told him that I will be spending time with my husband and our baby, not being at his house all the time. Ignored.
He's already planning on making a nursery at his house and talking about how much time she'll be over at his place. How he's going to stockpile diapers in his garage. Every time he talks to someone, he's mentioning how he expects me to bring my daughter over all the time because I'm unemployed and "have nothing better to do". He wants me to get rid of my dog and move in with him and the baby (and just...forget my husband apparently). He calls my daughter the feminine version of his name. I've asked him to stop calling her that. Ignored. I ask him to stop suggesting I rehome my dog. Ignored. "You'll change your mind when you realize you're a mother".
I told my father not to expect much considering my husband is in the military and we're slated to PCS within a year. He told my sister earlier today that he will follow us wherever we end up to be with "his grandbaby". I am still processing hearing this.
Per my husband's suggestion, I created a long list of boundaries that I posted in the family group chat. This way, it is in writing so they can't claim they didn't know. I made it clear that these rules applied to anyone including family. My father did not reply, and I know he is fuming and will be saying crap behind my back to my mother and sister or maybe even confront me about it in a few days. My mother's reply? "I think this is acceptable." Excuse me? This isn't an option. I'm not asking for your approval.
I don't think they will take these boundaries seriously and will just ignore them like they have thus far throughout my pregnancy. I know my sister will have my back and defend me (she's a saint) and my husband has already said he has no problem confronting them when he gets back state-side. It was so easy to ignore them when they were living in another state, but now my father is moving 11 min away from me. My mother is planning on moving here as well (they're divorced).
I know people might suggest going NC. Not sure I'm mentally prepared for that. If I do that, I know I will lose my entire family except for my sister, as each respective side of the family adores my mom and dad. My husband already doesn't trust my father and is very much pro-NC or LC and thinks the boundary list will help me build a backbone to eventually cut contact in the future.
This whole situation sucks, and I feel so trapped.

My fiance (29M) and I (27F) are set to get married in September this year and we keep having a reoccurring, nasty fight about a particular family issue of his.
For context, his stepdad did things to my fiance's older sister between the ages of 11-15. Even though there was a whole court case over it and CPS got involved, he never got in trouble because she couldn’t prove anything. My fiance and his older brothers witnessed it happening, but their mother would not allow them to testify since they were minors. The stepdad also did admit to my fiance’s mother that he had done it, and she blamed the fact that he has autism (which is NOT an excuse and doesn’t cause anyone to do such vile things) and her own daughter for “seducing” him. He was also very physically abusive to my fiance and his other siblings as in he would hit them, throw them around, and straight up beat them. His mother chose to stay married to him because she has decided that she doesn’t believe in divorce (even though she divorced my fiance’s biological dad) and that her husband has “repented” and God “forgave him”. She tells all of their family that her daughter is bipolar, crazy, and tells lies and they all believe her.
I knew about all of this up front before we even started dating. He was very up front and told me everything when we first met, so I guess you could say that I voluntarily walked into this situation. I was initially told that I would never have to meet his stepdad, which is why I decided that I was okay with going forward with dating him. Well, time came to meet his family so he took me to his mom’s house and guess who was there? Stepdad. I confronted him about this and he said that he hadn’t realized how unrealistic it was to never be around him and told me to just ignore him and not talk to him.
So for the first 2 years of our relationship I fell into a routine of going to her house for holidays and such and just ignoring the stepdad. I never spoke to him and I have never looked that man directly in the face. I always pretended that he wasn’t even there. I hated every minute of it. This past year I finally had to put my foot down. His stepdad started trying to insert himself into conversations that I was having with other people and was very insistent to be the one to give me my birthday gift. This raised a lot of red flags to me and I finally told him that I couldn’t keep going over and pretending like everything was normal and fine. I have very strong morals and values around certain issues and I just could not continue to be around a man who had done these things and sit at the holiday dinner table with him pretending that everything was all fine and good. I told him that I would no longer be going to his mom’s house and that any family members who wanted to see me could do so outside of the house.
My fiance reacted to this by telling me that I was being unreasonable to just stop coming around altogether because of the stepdad. He acknowledges that what his stepdad did is sick and evil, but told me that he hadn’t done anything in 10+ years and that I was not in immediate danger because he sits right there and protects me the whole time. I tried to explain that that doesn’t matter to me and that I can’t morally sit and pretend like everything is fine anymore. We had a huge fight over it and he finally gave in.
We ended up having a meeting in person with his mom where we told her that I knew about the stepdad’s history and that I would no longer be coming around the house. She didn’t argue with me, but sort of brushed me off and told me that maybe I’d feel more comfortable around him once I got to know him. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t going to get to know him, but I don’t think she took me seriously at all.
Anyways, I haven’t been to her house in months, not even for the holidays. My fiance and I stopped discussing it, so I thought it was resolved. Well now, 6 months later, apparently all of the sudden his family is complaining about how I never come around and are asking if I hate them. I told my fiance that I already explained to everyone why I wasn’t coming over, so I don’t see why questions are still being asked. He got mad again and brought up the same BS about how since I’m not in danger of having anything happen to me, that it’s ridiculous and unreasonable for me to not come around at all. I have continued to stand my ground and he continues to not understand. I am sick of having the same argument every 6 months.
Honestly, a big part of the problem is that his family sweeps issues under the rug. All of his siblings have been very complacent about the situation and just don’t talk about it. Everyone pretends it didn’t happen and I am the first one to say “hey, this is actually very messed up and not okay at all”. They don’t understand it or take it seriously.
I really worry about having kids with him in the future. I do not want any future children meeting his stepdad, period. I don’t want them in the same building as him ever. He agrees that stepdad shouldn’t interact with them or ever be around them without us there, but he says the same thing about how they wouldn’t be in immediate danger so it would be fine as long as we sat there with them. That is not good enough for me. I don’t want that man to ever even lay an eye on my hypothetical kids and I don’t care whose feelings get hurt.
So, am I actually being unreasonable? What are your thoughts?

So, since I grew up the way in which I did, I wasn’t completely socialized. Compared to some kids in my class, I was very social, but I digress.
As I aged, I found myself being more of an observer than a participant. Participating didn’t always work out for me because when I tried, I always screwed something up. I didn’t get the jokes, I couldn’t tell who was being serious (that definitely would have helped me as a young kid and teenager). It wasn’t until I met my spouse that I learned dry humor, and how to recognize it.
Being in the position of an observer has afforded me a lot of room for thought. Like, there was the time in college where my roommates and I were hosting a party. This giant of college kid was mad at his girlfriend - he was drunk and screaming at her (I think some other dude said hi to her).
The man had her pinned up against a wall, one hand on the wall to the left of her head, the other punching the wall to the right of her head.
I was yelling at him to back off, and I was going to insert myself in between them because, as a kid, that’s what I had needed but no one did it for me.
It would have been stupid but the guy made me furious. My boyfriend pulled me away and held me and said, “Wait until he calms down and kick him from the party.” Hey, it was the 1990’s, and I was young. He was young. He ended up being right.
I thought about that girl a lot - wondered if she ever dumped her brute of a boyfriend, or did she stay with him? Never found out.
Decades later, I was put in an untenable position where a family member was about to up end their life over some woman - they were going to abandon their kids, their family, all of it.
I managed to get through that, but after all is said and done, and I look at the facts like they are playing cards laying on a green velvet-covered table, I saw how the woman brainwashed him.
1) she kept him from sleeping more than five hours a night;
2) she made up situations to where he was the only one who could solve it for her, such as she pretended like an old boyfriend was chasing her in a car and she needed my family member to keep her safe;
3) she isolated him from his kids;
4) she tried to get him to sign for her to get a new car, and she promised she’d pay for it but she couldn’t buy it unless he signed for it. (Fortunately, he didn’t).
5) she told him what to think. If he tried to think for himself, she wouldn’t leave him alone until he agreed with her. His family were the bad guys. He needed to see that.
5) finally, he was to replace his own kids with hers. He was expected to accept this new family in lieu of everyone he knew and used to love.
It’s a tall ask, you know. And yet, every year, you’ll hear or learn of someone who did go down that road and never came back. Or, they came back but there was no back to go back to.
My job, in dealing with this family member, was to pick up the pieces and deprogram them gently.
You think to yourself: “this wouldn’t happen to me because I’m way too smart. I make educated decisions.” But, near as I can tell, smart has nothing to do with it.
Brainwashing works on how open the subject is to modifying the way they think, and their need to be accepted in their new group. I guess it’s like training a dog: good stimulus equals a reward, bad behavior earns a punishment, either physical or mental (or both).
The subject must also think that their previous way of thinking was sub-par. They must have a low opinion of their intelligence.
Of course, a lot of you guys and gals may already know how it works, or heard about it on a documentary.
It’s different to have a front row seat to it, though. Really surreal.
Right now, I have a family member that I am not close to, he is being manipulated hard by his current girlfriend. I see all the signs of what she is doing, it ain’t my first rodeo.
I tell his daughter, “I will do what I can to help, but I can’t talk to him. He doesn’t like me. The only way he can be saved is you and your brother get together and see if you can get some physical distance to happen between this woman and your dad.”
So far - everything we’ve predicted has come true: she’s bled him dry, financially. He went from having a nest egg to selling off all his assets. He has signed on to buy property and vehicles with her. She made him lose his job.
What’s next? His daughter cares for him, but he wasn’t a model dad by a long shot.
So I don’t know what to do there.
And just recently, another family member washed up on my shores. This one is young.
The brainwashing in this case is mental and physical abuse.
In this case, I created a team of three people to work together to help this person see who they are really with.
My job is to create a safe zone for them. Another’s job is to be there and be the person all the secrets are told to. And the last person is supposed to be the persuader, the person who helps this family member stick to plans, to say what is expected without being pushy or negative, so that they don’t go back to the old life.
One of the people on the team said to me, “How are we all talking about this so calmly?” The subject of the conversation was sitting right there in the room. I said, “I know, it’s surreal. But this is how we have to do it. We are going to solve this.”
Delicately stepping, delicately stepping.
I think to myself, had I washed up on my mother’s shores with a problem like this, she would have kicked me back out and said, “Figure it out for yourself, I’m not going to help you. It’s your problem.”
I always knew I was on my own, and I can’t say I didn’t screw things up royally from time to time.
But, also, I know that had I had help, maybe things could have been better for me later. I’ll never know. I still don’t know the answer.
I choose to help. I choose to take my emotional side and shove it in the back, and then find out the chinks in the opponent’s armor.
He may have a lot going for him, but it is not my family member’s job to fix him, to make him a better person. He could be the most brilliant person in the world - but you can’t save some people from themselves. He is harmful, and nightmarish.
Battered person syndrome. It’s another form of brainwashing, where the woman/man doesn’t think they should leave, because there are all these good things about the partner that, if they could just change, would make them the perfect life partner.
I’m beginning to think it doesn’t matter if it is drugs, or being beaten and having Stockholm Syndrome - it’s all a form of brainwashing.
I’m lucky enough to have a good team to work with me.
I was thinking today, as I was still coughing and getting over this horrible sickness I’ve had for three weeks: I’m tired. I don’t want to deal with nonsense but I will because that’s what family does.
We are blessed, no matter what. I’m feeling lucky. I’m glad I’m here for it.
I know my mom would have handled it differently (she had to go through it herself). But, I don’t think life should be so fucking hard. If we work together we can do a job better. No one should have to go through these things alone.
You lift up the next generation so they can climb the mountain a little more. I just want people to get further than I did.

The video went something like the teddy bear being the last toy sold at a store for looking ratty but a mom buying it for their daughter. Mom leaves and girl is home alone for the night with the bear. The bear follows her aroud trying ti be friendly but becuase it looks ratty it scares the girl. Don't remember how it ends but remember finding in a youtube rabbit hole as a kind when watching Tomska videos.

My(15F) mom(48F) and I were attached at the hip since I’ve been younger. Mostly because she raised me by herself since my dad(75M) didn’t live with us. He wasn’t around much in my younger years, only really present when my grandfather died. My mom has mental illness, along with her own mommy issues. She never really got the chance to address them though, since my grandmother died before I was born. Onto the issues. I just recently moved to live with my dad because things with my mom had gotten really bad. Naturally I started remembering things. Like how she left me in my car seat as an incompetent 4/5 year old in the winter because I was “too much.” She also forbade my grandfather and I from speaking in the last years of his life, even though we lived in the same house. The worst of it though came with the panic attacks. I began bottling up my emotions because she only responded with anger or guilt-tripping (not a good idea) and the first one I had, I was backed into a corner because she wouldn’t stop approaching me, then she held me down on my bed and put her hand over my mouth when I started screaming. Instead of apologizing, she told me I was possessed by the devil. Who knew. I was 11 when that happened, and she still doesn’t see the problem with what she did. She has also said I’m not her daughter anymore, and that it was my “responsibility” that I tried to kill myself (something about life insurance which I don’t have) but I ran away a couple times and she only brought up calling the police when I came back “I was about to call I was so worried.” After both of my attempts, she would just call me dramatic, and never told my dad. She also called me manipulative whenever I did tell my dad anything that happened between us. Saying I wouldn’t have him to complain to much longer (implying because he’s older I won’t have as many years) a fact which she has seen me break down about. Not only all of this but small comments too. Watching sword af (Smosh dnd) “you like this stuff?” Wearing a crop top with no jacket “you look like a slut.” Anytime I try to set a boundary “you’re so ungrateful and spoiled.” I was telling her not to call my friend ghetto because she shouldn’t and she says slurs. Honestly I don’t know how much else I can write, so maybe I’ll update, but I needed to get it off my chest because Mother’s Day was very hard, but I still made an effort, calling her (she didn’t return my call, only “I appreciate the thought” and sent her Mother’s Day deals for food “I’m not going there.” But I don’t know if it was the healthiest thing for me to do. I’m at a loss

Tw: family death and emotional abuse/neglect
I hate venting online as it’s futile and embarrassing for me (no one has to feel this way. This is just my own personal view that is mine and only mine) So, I will probably delete this soon for I also hate showing weakness to strangers since it always leads to more abuse it seems and i am often weary of others. So, with this, I’ll try and open up even if it’s temporary.

A bit of backstory I guess. My mother died when I was 7 which left behind a hole that needed to be filled for dad and I. She, the step “mom”, came along to help us for she struggled with a divorce of an abusive ex husband. She had issues, as you would expect, yet here I thought of her as someone I could get along with, to play with, to be around when things got bad, and all the things a little kid would think. At first, everything was fine, I even had silly nicknames for her that she “enjoyed” she responded with kindness to these (one was care bear, another was pumpkin because it was fall and she liked the smell, the others I don’t remember) and I remember how happy I was when she liked the little nicknames. Since it was the beginning, I would want her over often as I wanted someone to become a person I could look for as a mom but not as a replacement to my actual mom who recently died during that time. I liked her. 

Alas these things don’t get a happy ending, as with time, dad got more ill. During this time she would be by his side more (which is totally understandable, I would too for my lover I didn’t show jealousy during this time but support as I got to spend more time with my “sister”) and it slowly evolved to hospital visits. I would slowly pick up being a “parent” for her disabled daughter when I was 9/10/11 (can’t remember exact age, sorry). This was because she would go out with dad to spend time with him, go to the other room to isolate from us (either needing alone time or to help him. Not my business), be with him for hospital stays, etc. I was used to this since I was accustomed to helping my dad with his medical issues and helped him get ready for “life” by the time I was late 7/early 8 due to his own health failing as well.
Hop years later. After problem and after problem I had gotten in with her and vice versa I realize my step mother never genuinely cared about me. I know it takes two to tango and it’s partly my fault, I get where I fell in my faults and I’ve accepted them as my lessons in day to day life. I’m not perfect. As I became more reclusive to her as she showed a lack of accountability (and to this day, she won’t admit and see why it was so wrong for her to do things that were heavily against me) I was then always the scapegoat as she showed love and gushed over her actual kids (this was always a issue, I just didn’t think about it as a little kid and I got “bratty” when I got older as i began to recognize the “unfairness”). My achievements were worthless and often met with a “you should’ve already been good at that”, “you should know better by now”, or “that should already have been done if it was something important to you”. The typical “you aren’t good enough” wearing different clothes.
The feelings of being useless had already creeped in by the time I was 10/11 so this was going on for a long time (along with many other issues that I’m not gonna get into). Even as I got nearly straight A’s in college I was never praised except by dad (who unfortunately died when I was early 19. I miss him to this day). I know I should not have sought out praise, especially if I was grown, but I would’ve loved a “good job” from her… I know that’s silly but it would’ve been nice to be seen as her actual kid worthy of love and being seen that way just a little. I know my pesky teen years didn’t help but I was still her kid in some capacity but I was treated like a punching bag. All because she had her own jealousy and hate for me. (Even her own kids called her out on how she treated me, nothing changed from her.)
Now with no family left except a few aunts, she tried everything she can to ensure I don’t become independent (I don’t wanna talk too much about it, I’m too tired plus this post is getting rather long as it is).
The parts that hurt the most were: She refused my safety from my childhood to adulthood. She never cared what truly happened to me it seems.
Never really paid attention to me unless to berate me which was done usually in the form of gossiping to others. Plus attempting to embarrass me in front of others so when my teenage self got upset she can use my reaction as “proof” and to “justify” herself, sometimes trying to attempt it to adult me as she smiled and snickered about it. Thankfully most adults who were older took pity and even commented on how arrogant and awful she seemed as a person (adult me, they never did anything about teenage me which I get, I fell for her tricks that made me look bad. Happy I learned that lesson young, at least there is that).
She snooped around my room and life to gossip to her kids about me on how much of a failure I was and how disgusting of a person I am. Then got mad when I isolated or kept my life very secretive.
She would find issues with me just to try to make my dad hate me which thankfully it failed. I’m unsure if this was a attempt to further isolate me because I wasn’t a part of her “actual kids”. I don’t know and I’m too tired to know, it’s done and over with I can vent about that in therapy. However she sadly was successful in getting him to yell at me. The worst part of the yelling is that she would watch me cry or go to the other room to listen rather than just leaving me alone. I now realize it was a way for her to “get off” I believe.
When she realized she couldn’t control my life she tried hiding food from me as I was early 20’s because she had “control issues with me” (her words not mine). I didn’t like things going to waste so I’d eat nearly expired foods often and she would get pissy that I was “stealing from her”.
She gossiped to strangers about how I never do anything with myself and suspected I was just a useless failure. (I was in college with a job, thanks.)
When I did finally snap from the times she would treat me poorly she held on to it. I guess to put it, think of me over reacting I get I did wrong and I learned my lesson but when she snapped with a over reaction or something really hurtful she expected to be forgiven.
She also would steal from me and blame me (but would expect me to keep my hands to myself when I was hungry and didn’t have the time or funds to get food… this one still bothers me but I will talk in detail of this to my therapist not here as I’m tired and the post is already long enough).
All I wanted was a mom to care but I guess I couldn’t get that because the one I got died when I barely got to know her. There is more to say but I think that is all of us here, too much to say about someone who was supposed to love us. My apologies if my post is in shambles I never really let anything out like this so I’m sure I kinda sound “childish” but like- I really hate Mother’s Day and I just wanted to let it out, even if I delete this later.

I (17)f have always been the child put on the back burner, a lot of the time my mom tends to put more care and attention into my older sister and my younger brother. I however always tend to get the short end of the stick constantly, and I’m just so tired of it. My mom never takes my side in anything and I’m always wrong if anything happens between me and my siblings,🥲 I just wish she would care to hear about me or my opinions on things but I know no matter what it’ll never happen. Like literally my brother could slap me and I’d be the one in the wrong.. 💀but I honestly just think my mom is a narcissist because she fits every description of a narcissist and has narcissistic tendencies and traits especially lacking empathy and care for others feelings other than hers 😂. However I know I won’t have to deal with this much longer as I’m going away for college 😏 but I still wish my mom cared about me how she cares about my other siblings and I just wish I would have gotten that mother daughter relationship I always see people having but I guess I won’t be getting that treatment from her and I don’t know how I’ll ever get over it… 🫠

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRa-Alergy posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 9th May 2024
Update - 10th May 2024
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AITAH for telling my bf that his daughter is not allowed in my apartment because she doesn’t stop smuggling peanuts in?
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I can’t have any contact with peanuts and I am terrified of them due to some bad experience ms ending up in the hospital. I have my shots now on me all the time. It is not exactly airborne but I could have irritation and if it for example touch something that had been in contact with peanuts i could have swollen eyes and itchy nose and throat. Ingesting is fatal.
She is 14 and has no respect what so ever for my anxiety. My bf and I moved in and she lives with us every other week. Now I told my bf that I don’t want her here because she is not respecting my boundaries. But that I understand that he doesn’t want to live with me in that case we could revert back to him being with me when he doesn’t have his daughter. He got very upset because he said that he loved me and wanted a real relationship and to live in one home.
So I told him that maybe he should be with someone who isn’t allergic then. He thinks I am being very unfair. He said well, she will probably hate the next one too and the next and the next because she wants her mom and me to be together again so it wasn’t “me specifically” that she dislikes. I said that maybe he needs to take a break from dating then until she is onboard but he said that he couldn’t be single just because his daughter wants him to. Before me he was single for 6 years and that wasn’t good enough.
Before we decided to move in together, we have done some “trial” living together and never once did his daughter do anything about the nuts. But now for 4 months she has always peanuts with her. I don’t know why she is doing this. I thought we were cool. She just smirks and says maybe if you are so allergic, maybe you’re not meant to survive(a stand up comedy bit from Louis CK)
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Comments
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ERVetSurgeon
NTA but you need to leave this relationship. She thinks it is funny and he doesn't care. The amount of disrespect for your health is amazing.
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CruelxIntention
This. He’s allowing this instead of getting to the core of it and putting the child in therapy where she clearly belongs. She’s plenty old enough to know this can kill someone and to have complete disregard over that shouldn’t be overlooked. You may love this guy but I’m betting you love breathing more.
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WonderingGemini84

"You may love this guy but I'm betting you love breathing more."

THIS!!!
You can not love someone when you're dead.
The boyfriend doesn't seem to realise how serious "the no peanuts"-thing is. This is a non-negotable. Your home should be your safe space, she doesn't respect that and he doesn't hear you (or doesn't care enough)
Throw them out OP!!!
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weeperOfChimneys
NTA, she has all but said she's attempting to kill you with peanuts. Quoting a comedian doesn't make it funny or acceptable. He hasn't bothered to search her and divest her of the nuts when he picks her up either.

OOP: He offered this as a suggestion. Visitation before she entered my apartment but I don’t want this kind of life. I was fine only seeing him on his weeks off. But I understand that he wants something more permanent than meeting every other week so he probably should find another woman

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YoghurtSnodgrass
She would probably just hide peanuts around his place for you to hopefully come in contact with. Just break up. His kid is trying to kill you.
Where is she even getting all these nuts from? Is her mom buying them for her? Does she buy them from a vending machine at school? How crazy is the little turd?
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 day later
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Hi everyone! Thank you so much for really caring about a stranger with a dilemma. I was glad that I wasn’t wrong in my guts. I told my bf that I wanted to break up.
He was very sad and tried to reason with me. He suggested that we could live separately. His daughter will soon be an adult. I told him that being 18 doesn’t guarantee that she leaves the nest nor that he stops being a father either. Any time she could come across hardships and wants to move home and she needs to find that home. She couldn’t have it with me.
And about living separately, while it is fine now and some few years ahead. What about the future?
He was silent and listening to me. I felt overwhelmed because I love him. He said that the only way his daughter will be happy is when he is alone. She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings. He is just a father. I didn’t know what to tell him and just said that she probably needed time to grow up.
Until he moves out, his daughter is not allowed to be in my apartment. She called and threw a tantrum about her father choosing me instead. That she has the right to live with her father every other week and this shouldn’t change. I didn’t say anything, they need to fix this as a family, I am not a part of this family anymore.
He rented his apartment for a year’s contract so I don’t know how he will manage to find a new or terminate the lease so he could move back to his old apartment. Anyway he is staying here for a couple of months.
I am very sad that this beautiful relationship has come to an end. But I need to think about myself now.
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Comments
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he_nooch73
Know you made the right choice for you, your health, your safety. As someone said in your other post ‘you may love him, but you probably love breathing more’. I think you’re right about his daughter never accepting his partners. He needs to address this with her in therapy. I hope her therapist knows about the peanuts because her behaviour is truly disturbing. I’m so sorry your relationship had to end.
Commercial-Ask3416
I feel so bad for you and your boyfriend. I feel like he is stuck between a rock and hard place regarding his daughter. I know people are saying he should discipline her or this and that, but it sounds like it wouldn't work and that she would likely escalate. I work with kids like her. Hoping her not being able to live with her dad the next few months will be a wake up call for her but in my experience I doubt it. Good luck to the both of you, especially him as he has to deal with the fallout. Not your monkey, not your circus anymore.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

My alcoholic mom is dying. Entered the hospital to detox from alcohol and pain killers, but I don’t think she’ll make it out (she’s 5’5” and 110 lbs thin, hallucinating).
I have an old post from 2019 about our relationship if you want to read. TLDR is I went no contact after she missed my wedding from being drunk and high, among other things.
Since I now have a daughter myself, I have been emailing with my mom. We’ve been writing for the past 9 months, she’ll tell me about her life and I’ll tell her about mine and will share pictures. Granted, I never asked her if she was sober since any answer was likely a lie. I had asked her about visiting in June to introduce her to my daughter, and she never explicitly agreed to it.
I found out on Sunday (happy first Mother’s Day to me) that she was admitted to the hospital for the above reasons.
I take some solace in knowing that she enjoyed our emails and my pictures after 4.5 years of no contact. I figure she only wrote back when she was least drunk. She hallucinated me being there in person yesterday.
I live out of state, though my dad (her ex husband) has been to see her (sounds like they had a pleasant visit but she wasn’t entirely there). He said she looks about 10 years older than she is and isn’t doing good.
I guess my question is, should I go see her? I am really scared, I haven’t seen her in so long. I love her, but I have to keep her at arms length. Am I a bad person if I don’t go? Will I regret going or not?
I feel like such a bad person, I kind of hope she goes tonight so I don’t have to decide tomorrow.
I feel too young to lose a parent, this fucking sucks.

Heard it on the necronomipod podcast a while back but I can’t remember the case. Basically two men decide to break into a families house and they keep the family in there hostage. The family consists of a dad, mom, and two daughters I believe. They all get tied up and the two men make the dad go to the bank to take out money to deliver it to the men. The dad ends up doing it but it doesn’t matter because his entire family ends up getting killed once the two men burn down the house. The autopsies of the mother and daughters show that they were SA’d before the house burns down.

Hello parents!!
Without getting too into details (otherwise this will be miles long), my husband was friends with someone who became very intertwined in his family (friends since middle school) and that friend has had it out for me since day one. talking behind my back while assuring me there were no issues, telling his family i’m bad for him, etc. this person recently crossed a HUGE line and was subsequently put in his place by my husband. my husband informed his family of what he did and requested that they all stop talking to him as he had some majorly disrespectful things to say about me and our daughter and our marriage. i have always tried really hard around my husbands friends and family, even his mom told me i need to stop lol.
for those in his family who choose not to listen and to know what he’s done and still actively communicate with this person, comment compliments on his posts and speak to him about this matter, is it fair for me to withhold my child from them?
I’m feeling conflicted and here’s why: 1. if I withhold, i’m preventing my daughter from seeing and knowing certain members of her family over drama and comments/claims that i know aren’t true. 2. if i don’t withhold, i’m allowing them to walk all over me and still giving them access to my most precious tiny baby even though they participate in the shit talking. 3. if i withhold, it will make it easier to say awful things about me as they will have something to cling to that will justify them being shitty. 4, if i don’t withhold, i’m showing my daughter that it’s okay to let others disrespect you and still give them what they want from you.
any advice is really helpful!!

My (35m) wife (35f) and I make more than I ever could have imagined (250k HHI, double what we were making just 4 years ago) yet it I can’t shake the feeling of being “poor” because her spending / never ending desire of big ticket “needs” is stressing me out.
This has been amplified after moving from our starter house in the city to our new build “forever” home in the suburbs. The house is beautiful and we have great neighbours with similar aged kids but it’s taking up too much time and money to maintain for my liking. More importantly it just feels like my wife will never feel content with our own home since she’s always comparing to the neighbours who a) all seem to be at least 5 years older than us b) moved in two years before we did so have a head start on things like interior decorating/landscaping and c) have just flat out spent more than we have and thus I’ll always feel this way despite being in A beautiful home and in the best financial shape of our life.
Off the top of my head, in the past 18 months we’ve have spent 8k on a fence, 3k on window treatments for two rooms, 5k on a mattresses, 4k on a second car, and 5k on lasik. All things that we “needed” but just seems like it’s never ending and leading to more expensive purchases. Now she wants deck and 100k backyard.
We’re saving a decent amount, albeit about 80% of total retirement savings have been in my accounts despite her income being 33% more than mine. I just hate this feeling of non-stop spending when we could be better securing our future. Ive been raising this to our therapist for years but my wife just can’t stop and/or doesn’t seem to care.
The stress led to a mental health breakdown recently in part due to my wife’s spending but also some personal reasons (stress from my job, my niece turned 14, which was the age I was when my dad died to obesity (caused by family, work, and financial stress), and my mom started chemotherapy and I was exposed to her awful financial picture, despite having a paid off house and decent pension).
It’s not all bad financially with my wife so it would be a disservice not to mention the following things that I consider myself lucky to have in a spouse. 1. She’s smart and makes good money 2. She never spends what we don’t have (goes into debt) 3. Her desire for more was the extrinsic motivation that led to increased incomes for both of us, but i thought the saving would continue after we had enough for the new house. Unfortunately, it’s just turned into lifestyle creep.
My main goal is living life to the fullest (heavy on experiences, less so on material possessions) and teaching my daughter a healthy and active lifestyle. Should I be this stressed with our financial picture? Am I just being paranoid? Maybe I need to stay off all these money forums? Or do I need to give my wife some sort of ultamatim about getting on the same page financially if she wants to stay together?
HHI: 250,000 Monthly Net: 11,000 (after taxes, health insurance, 401k, hsa, and dependent care fsa)
Major Expenses Mortgage: 4000 (640,000 remaining, pmt includes P&I, home insurance, and taxes) Daycare: 1300 Grocery/Gas: 600 Utilities: 400 Cleaner: 250 Cars: 0
Retirement Accounts: 152,000 (401k, 403, HSA) Cash: 20,000 Brokerage: 17,000 Monthly Retirement Savings: 3,333 Monthly Sinking Fund Savings: 800

Hi I am a (18f) and my ex best friend (14f) have been friends for six to five years and me and her met on the bus since her mom is a bus driver but imma call her Ella she and I have been off and on for years but I wanna know if I am the butthole for choosing to not be friends with her and cut off contact with her because of how she was treating our friends and me and some of the things she has done while being friends with me. So this all started back when me and our first were starting to hang out so that was back in 2022. We’re at our house we were talking having fun just chilling around. She had to leave to do something for her family while I was in the room talking to one of her friends, let’s call him Billy me and him didn’t like each other at all but we made sure to be nice to each other when Ella is around but we were constantly bickering at each other, but that’s besides the point she and Billy have been friends for years years and that’s right before I even came into the picture so I was in a different state while she was being friends with Billy bickering at each other, but that’s besides the point she and Billy have been friends for years years and that’s right before I even came into the picture so I was in a different state while she was friends with Billy but those two have been off and on for years friends to lovers time stuff and I was just a third wheel so I was basically just third wheeling them, but while she was dating him, she would have other guys added onto snap like talking to them and entertaining them like what your dating someone while talking to other guys was wild to me I didn’t say anything because I didn’t wanna meddle in their relationship and plus I didn’t really know him at the time barely but me and him have started getting really close and those few months and I decided to tell him that I hope you know your girl has been talking to some other dudes and that’s when he decided to not date her anymore so those two broke up Ella and Billy are friends still and we decided to add another member to our group which would be? laya And me and her don’t know each other about at that time we were getting to know each other and we actually became really good friends Ella thought it would be the best thing ever to be in a poly relationship with Billy and laya and here’s where things take a turn for the worst for five months those three were dating while I was over at our three were dating while I was over at her house SHE WAS TALKING TO OTHER MEN WHILE BEING IN A relationship but that’s not all she had other apps to also talk to hot other men and showing me what she was doing she had me snap them and everything was just a hell no for me and when it got to those three breaking up me and her decided to stop being friends that was right at the same time me and Josh and when it got to those three breaking up me and her just decided to stop being friends that was right at the same time me and Billy and I were talking and we were talking about her behavior and what was going on because he kept saying she kept doing this shit over and over and I was like why would you still be together with her if you knew or since I’ve told you that she was cheating on the three of you and this was back in may or june so it was fresh out of the water type shit and me, Billy, laya decided to drop Ella and start a new friendship circle to say away Ella but we also added a new member her name is Zara and she also had bad encounters with Ella and as we were being friends having fun just being chill , me and Billy started dating we were dating for two months so that was June and July but here comes the funny part. All of us decided to stop being friends and also dating each other because I was busy with school, and they were also busy with school so we just left and not have been friends when it came to me and laya she started to be friends again back in august and we were playing Fortnite we were playing anything talking having fun texting and she asked if I could adopt her. I said yes because why not. And then I found out that Laya and Billy dated broke up and then found out again Zara and Billy are dating by Ella we slowly decided to be friends again to keep the peace and have no more drama but here comes the craziest plot twist. This will happen in 2023 till like 2022 now here comes 2024 rolling in February or always hung out with each other having fun so we were just chilling. Me and Billy were liking each other our whole entire friend group dated him. I didn’t. I only dated him once maybe twice that was it learned my lesson from that but slowly, it was just a type of feelings, but it slowly fades away. That’s what it was happening to me and my daughter laya got grounded from her real parents and told me and our friends that she was grounded for a week so her boyfriend let’s call him Iggy that whole entire week. He was crying. He was missing her. Let me just say on Valentine’s Day. He said he was single and that he didn’t have a girlfriend because she got grounded and couldn’t talk to him so me and my other friend we were like on FT with him, and we were trying to get a spirits up by playing with other filters on there apparently he didn’t like the Valentines ones. I kept telling us to change it. It was whatever we did anyway, and it was messed up then right after that it was a Friday I decided to text. Laya and I was telling her that your boyfriend was saying he was single and then also the same day Zara was dating Ella and let me tell you the whole entire week. Ella was talking to laya’s bf iggy while Ella was in a whole ass relationship with one of my friends Zara so when I told both of them that Ella and Iggy were talking nonstop, calling FaceTime in texting each other on Snapchat and on phone numbers and then come to find out that those two were dating while being a whole ass relationship with two other people the other two people are laya and Zara so those too were broken, they were crying. I was trying to cheer them up when it got to but like, why would you do that to your significant other so that was my question I kept questioning why I was still friends with her, but at the same time I was just trying to keep the peace between our families. She tried to call the police on me or at least threaten me, saying if I didn’t return her switch, she called the cops on me even though she left my house at a sleepover thing. She got fucking bonkers like Billy and Ellis are no longer friends like they were hitting each other, but they were trying to get along, but it didn’t work out because I decided to be a whole ass bitch to him and not be friends and it was wild because I didn’t know so me and Billy started dating again in April and I guess Ella didn’t like how much I was talking about but she can talk about relationships though so it was random or decided to contact with each other because she was very toxic she wasn’t mature enough to handle relationship because all she ever did was cheat on every significant other she had and what was crazy is she had a app called wizz on there talking to guys WHO ARE OLDER THEN HER and now she’s dating a guy who is retarded as hell if I’m being honest like he’s a type of person that you don’t want anyone hanging around with because he kept lying about his age and then there was like a whole lot of shit with him and I just didn’t like him but like shit put me through has made me question my life choices, man like cheating on others with someone then also had the audacity to threaten my mom multiple occasions texting her late at night while she’s trying to sleep then going bad shit crazy when I called off the friendship multiple times damn well thinking you were going to change your fucking self because what you were doing was not healthy. It was toxic as hell then call me a toxic bitch who deserves no fucking life or some shit like that idk but like it’s crazy how I had to spend my high school years, trying to help her with her mental health and try to help her out anyway I can but in return I just get no help back like it was like one side of friendship I guess but the reason why I was friends with the 14 year year-old even though I’m 18 because I’m the only older kid living on our stree and she doesn’t have any of her friends living near her except me and she doesn’t have any of her friends living near her except me and most of her friends don’t talk to her and yeah everything in the span of 2021 to 2024 with was wild and not drama free.

at the family function for mother’s day everything went as expected. my whole family calling me their daughtesisteniece and using my birth name and she/her including my mom introducing me to her boyfriends parents. i recently started T (took my 3rd shot yesterday) and when doing so i sent out a message to my family gc (my mom and sisters) basically saying ayo i’m start T just so we’re all on the same page i know y’all haven’t been accepting (i’ve been out for 8 years) but it is what it is id rather do this to be happier rather than dead. my mom responded w you can’t use my insurance do your research it’ll do you more harm than good, one of my sisters responded surprisingly very supportive, and my oldest sister didn’t respond at all. so back to the function i went to my partners car to load out fishing stuff back up and my nephew (4) said “where’s he going?” and normally it would be “corrected” but my (oldest) sister responded saying “he’s just going to put stuff away” and when talking about me would say she then stop and correct herself and say he. i was complexly unaware of this till after the fact bc i was out of ear shot. this is all just crazy to me and even though it was something little because it took me 3 years to start T because i thought i would be completely cut off because that’s what all signs were pointing to. i’m kind of excited to see where this we will go because i want to be in my nieces and nephews lives and be their uncle and continue to watch them grow. maybe once im further along in my medical transitions they will start seeing me as their uncle and my sisters will give them a typa run down. i just felt like this was something i needed to share bc for being so little it’s a big step

My daughter is 3.5, I love her and she is driving me absolutely insane.
There was no switch at 2, or 3, her behavior has just slowly been ramping up over the past yeayear and a half. She is constantly demanding “her” music, “her” shows, screaming no at her baby brother, screaming no at the dog, and giving conditional affection to mom and dad depending on how much we are willing to give her her way.
She screams and clings to me every day (3 days a week) when I drop her off at daycare. I haven’t been able to give her baby brother any attention at drop off because the morning is spent trying to get her settled without too much drama about being dropped off. So the daycare teacher requested trying something new, setting the expectation that I will walk her in, give her a big hug and kiss and turn around and leave. So yeah, still no time to tend to baby brother who is also going through separation anxiety.
I pick her up today, play “her” songs on the way home (Taylor Swift). She’s jamming, we’re talking about her day, I’m telling her I’m so proud of her for being a big girl at school. Come home, make dinner while we’re still listening to Taylor Swift. She refuses dinner. Pizza bread, zucchini, and applesauce. Says she doesn’t feel good and wants cheerios. I check her throat, it looks red, maybe she isn’t feeling well, give her cheerios. She requests to watch some TV. We watch “her” show (Scooby Doo). Time for bed. Fights brushing her teeth. Screams bloody murder when I try to brush her hair. I finally lost my shit and yelled at her to knock her shit off before she wakes her brother up. Take her upstairs and finish brushing her hair while she’s SCREAMING.
I apologize for losing my patience with her. Ask her if she wants a hug. She says no and wants me to leave her room. Requests daddy to read to her and stay in her room for bedtime. I leave feeling sad and guilty, and knowing that I get to do it all over again tomorrow starting with a horrific daycare drop off.
This is mostly just a rant but also is she acting this way because we are just spoiling the shit out of her? I only work 3 days a week. The other days we usually have something planned, swim, gymnastics, lots of outside time now that the weather is getting better. I go back and forth between “this is normal” and “this gentle parenting shit is bullshit and my child is spoiled and needs much firmer boundaries”. I never was the type to sleep train or withhold meals if they’re not willing to eat what I made and stuff like that but I’m starting to question my methods.

I ( FtM ) am getting no respect from anyone except my boyfriend and my one other trans friend. My sister refuses to call me her brother and also makes fun of our trans ftm cousin, my own parents refuse to except it ( my moms starting to come around and calls me her child and not her daughter ), I have friends who call me my preferred name but don’t use he/him when talking about me, the only people I have respecting me are my trans ftm best friend and my boyfriend who calls me his boyfriend around his friends and to other people. I’ll admit I dress fem and get anxious to wear my binder bc I live in the desert and have bad anxiety so I already can’t breath constantly, but I don’t think me wanting to be respected is to much to ask ! I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel completely alone sometimes because I know I will never be seen as a man to anyone.
TL;DR, I fell disrespected by almost everyone and need help.

I was in a relationship for 5 years, 3 years in we had a daughter. My partner and I were really disconnected and had large boundaries from both of our families for valid reasons I’ll touch on a bit later . My ex partner, 2 year old and I lived together in our own house we rented until we split up. After 5 years went by and after having a child my partner cheated on me with a 60 year old and walked away from us and the affair had gotten my ex (daughter’s mom) involved into a cult which drove her mad. Little to say I have full custody and my daughters mom and hasn’t been around for 2 years now. Needless to say, I’m 25 and I’m still building my career in life so I don’t make crazy amount of money (can’t afford daycare, rent ,and living costs a lone). This had forced me to reach out to my abusive mother for a living arrangement (only family I have) , who struggles with a narcissistic personality and suffers from Borderline personality disorder and who had mentally abused me at a very young age .I go through a tough breakup and I lose my inner family, , just to have to move into my controlling mothers home with my 3 year old . My mom has phases where she is a great person but also has weeks or days where she a horrible person, almost like I’m not her son and my child isn’t her granddaughter I’m sure this falls into having BPD. I’m struggling mentally and I know my child needs me mentally present. I’ve tried having serious convos with my mom about my mental health and our relationship/ possibly having counseling to improve our relationship but she takes it as a joke/bullies and only blames me. My mom watches my 3 year old while I’m at work ( I do pay her) but she doesn’t seem very attentive to her, meaning my mom will sit on her phone while my child will self entertain. The moment I get home from work my mom kicks up her feet and she no longer helps me with anything which I can understand because she isn’t her parent and she isn’t obligated too. I work hvac construction so I’m fairly tired when I get home (in a 120°F attic most of the time). My mom doesn’t abide by any of my parenting rules , so naturally my child looks at me like I’m bad cop and even calls me mean from time to time and has grandma syndrome . I feel like I’m losing my patience way more and it’s hard to focus on my day to day life due to these distractions . I have no idea what to do besides when my daughter turns 4 this fall get her enrolled in school and find an apartment and cut my mother off. Any suggestions?

I was in a relationship for 5 years, 3 years in we had a daughter. My partner and I were really disconnected and had large boundaries from both of our families for valid reasons I’ll touch on a bit later . My ex partner, 2 year old and I lived together in our own house we rented until we split up. After 5 years went by and after having a child my partner cheated on me with a 60 year old and walked away from us and the affair had gotten my ex (daughter’s mom) involved into a cult which drove her mad. Little to say I have full custody and my daughters mom and hasn’t been around for 2 years now. Needless to say, I’m 25 and I’m still building my career in life so I don’t make crazy amount of money (can’t afford daycare, rent ,and living costs a lone). This had forced me to reach out to my abusive mother for a living arrangement (only family I have) , who struggles with a narcissistic personality and suffers from Borderline personality disorder and who had mentally abused me at a very young age .I go through a tough breakup and I lose my inner family, , just to have to move into my controlling mothers home with my 3 year old . My mom has phases where she is a great person but also has weeks or days where she a horrible person, almost like I’m not her son and my child isn’t her granddaughter I’m sure this falls into having BPD. I’m struggling mentally and I know my child needs me mentally present. I’ve tried having serious convos with my mom about my mental health and our relationship/ possibly having counseling to improve our relationship but she takes it as a joke/bullies and only blames me. My mom watches my 3 year old while I’m at work ( I do pay her) but she doesn’t seem very attentive to her, meaning my mom will sit on her phone while my child will self entertain. The moment I get home from work my mom kicks up her feet and she no longer helps me with anything which I can understand because she isn’t her parent and she isn’t obligated too. I work hvac construction so I’m fairly tired when I get home (in a 120°F attic most of the time). My mom doesn’t abide by any of my parenting rules , so naturally my child looks at me like I’m bad cop and even calls me mean from time to time and has grandma syndrome . I feel like I’m losing my patience way more and it’s hard to focus on my day to day life due to these distractions . I have no idea what to do besides when my daughter turns 4 this fall get her enrolled in school and find an apartment and cut my mother off. Any suggestions?

I was in a relationship for 5 years, 3 years in we had a daughter. My partner and I were really disconnected and had large boundaries from both of our families for valid reasons I’ll touch on a bit later . My ex partner, 2 year old and I lived together in our own house we rented until we split up. After 5 years went by and after having a child my partner cheated on me with a 60 year old and walked away from us and the affair had gotten my ex (daughter’s mom) involved into a cult which drove her mad. Little to say I have full custody and my daughters mom and hasn’t been around for 2 years now. Needless to say, I’m 25 and I’m still building my career in life so I don’t make crazy amount of money (can’t afford daycare, rent ,and living costs a lone). This had forced me to reach out to my abusive mother for a living arrangement (only family I have) , who struggles with a narcissistic personality and suffers from Borderline personality disorder and who had mentally abused me at a very young age .I go through a tough breakup and I lose my inner family, , just to have to move into my controlling mothers home with my 3 year old . My mom has phases where she is a great person but also has weeks or days where she a horrible person, almost like I’m not her son and my child isn’t her granddaughter I’m sure this falls into having BPD. I’m struggling mentally and I know my child needs me mentally present. I’ve tried having serious convos with my mom about my mental health and our relationship/ possibly having counseling to improve our relationship but she takes it as a joke/bullies and only blames me. My mom watches my 3 year old while I’m at work ( I do pay her) but she doesn’t seem very attentive to her, meaning my mom will sit on her phone while my child will self entertain. The moment I get home from work my mom kicks up her feet and she no longer helps me with anything which I can understand because she isn’t her parent and she isn’t obligated too. I work hvac construction so I’m fairly tired when I get home (in a 120°F attic most of the time). My mom doesn’t abide by any of my parenting rules , so naturally my child looks at me like I’m bad cop and even calls me mean from time to time and has grandma syndrome . I feel like I’m losing my patience way more and it’s hard to focus on my day to day life due to these distractions . I have no idea what to do besides when my daughter turns 4 this fall get her enrolled in school and find an apartment and cut my mother off. Any suggestions?

I was in a relationship for 5 years, 3 years in we had a daughter. My partner and I were really disconnected and had large boundaries from both of our families for valid reasons I’ll touch on a bit later . My ex partner, 2 year old and I lived together in our own house we rented until we split up. After 5 years went by and after having a child my partner cheated on me with a 60 year old and walked away from us and the affair had gotten my ex (daughter’s mom) involved into a cult which drove her mad. Little to say I have full custody and my daughters mom and hasn’t been around for 2 years now. Needless to say, I’m 25 and I’m still building my career in life so I don’t make crazy amount of money (can’t afford daycare, rent ,and living costs a lone). This had forced me to reach out to my abusive mother for a living arrangement (only family I have) , who struggles with a narcissistic personality and suffers from Borderline personality disorder and who had mentally abused me at a very young age .I go through a tough breakup and I lose my inner family, , just to have to move into my controlling mothers home with my 3 year old . My mom has phases where she is a great person but also has weeks or days where she a horrible person, almost like I’m not her son and my child isn’t her granddaughter I’m sure this falls into having BPD. I’m struggling mentally and I know my child needs me mentally present. I’ve tried having serious convos with my mom about my mental health and our relationship/ possibly having counseling to improve our relationship but she takes it as a joke/bullies and only blames me. My mom watches my 3 year old while I’m at work ( I do pay her) but she doesn’t seem very attentive to her, meaning my mom will sit on her phone while my child will self entertain. The moment I get home from work my mom kicks up her feet and she no longer helps me with anything which I can understand because she isn’t her parent and she isn’t obligated too. I work hvac construction so I’m fairly tired when I get home (in a 120°F attic most of the time). My mom doesn’t abide by any of my parenting rules , so naturally my child looks at me like I’m bad cop and even calls me mean from time to time and has grandma syndrome . I feel like I’m losing my patience way more and it’s hard to focus on my day to day life due to these distractions . I have no idea what to do besides when my daughter turns 4 this fall get her enrolled in school and find an apartment and cut my mother off. Any suggestions?

Hello All
I have a story I would like to share with everyone.
My ex fiancé who was 30 at the time and I(31f) but was 26 at the time this took place, we were an inseparable couple. We did everything together Travel, go out places locally, etc. my ex travelled a lot for his job,which is how we ended up travelling together. Anyways this one trip he took I couldn’t go I was sick and I wanted to work on wedding plans. I trusted him completely,he reassured me nothing was going to happen on his work trip. The wedding plans were in place and everything was smooth sailing from when he got back from his two week trip.
Flash forward to our wedding day 7 months later everything was going smoothly,everyone was seated my ex was standing at the front with his groomsmen and my bridesmaids were at the front as well. I walked down,I got to the front, and I noticed a woman I didn’t recognize sitting at the back.when the ceremony started and the preacher asked if anyone objected to this marriage,and the lady I didn’t recognize stood up called out my exes name and announced she was carrying his baby. I don’t remember much as I ended up fainting,but I do remember when I woke up from my faint I was crushed. I saw the look on all my family and friends looking super shocked. I was so embarrassed that I ran out of the ceremony and got one of my friends to drive me to their place.
One of my other friends brought the pregnant woman over to my place so I could hear her side of the story before I confronted my ex. She told me they worked together in Italy (he went there for work purposes for the two weeks) they had connected,went out to dinner and before they knew it one thing lead to another and yea they slept together. She told me she knew it was his baby as she didn’t sleep with anyone else after that.i asked her how far along she was,she was about 6 months pregnant. I was still upset and I asked her if she knew about me and she said she didn’t know about me. She told me,he told her that he just broke up with his girlfriend back home.
When she left I got a hold of that shit for brains ex fiancé of mine. I told him to fess up as his fling confessed everything to me. He caved and told me the truth which matched what the fling had said. I was so devastated I ended up blocking him,moved most of my shit out of the place I now refuse to call our home as it was now tainted for me.
When I came back for the last of the stuff he cried and begged me to take him back but I told him to go pound sand. That was the last time I had spoke to him in person. I found it very unfortunate as his parents were the sweetest people I know and when I talked to his mom a couple weeks after that,she was crushed that her son did that to me and wished I was able to be her daughter in law. She had two boys never had a daughter.
The last time I heard about him was just a few months ago. He did end up marrying the fling he had a baby girl with,but they are now divorced. He tried reaching out to me last months and told him I was not interested in speaking to him and found somebody that actually respects me and has never hurt me.
Sorry for the long story.