Something nice starts with an e

My husband and I have a son who just turned 4 recently and he is asking about his “Mimi” (my MIL). For background: my MIL and I were very close and he would see her almost daily on FaceTime. Over the past year my husband and I haven’t really had a relationship with her. She went through a common law divorce and had us testify for her (she would have subpoenaed us if we didn’t), we told the truth but didn’t have anything bad to mention about my FIL. After she lost her divorce case last May, she started distancing herself from us and created a lot of drama. It ended with us not talking with her.
About two months ago she texted my husband at work that she needed time and was tired of us playing games with her. Again, we don’t talk to her and it stemmed because my husband forgot to give her a unit number for our townhouse - which resulted in a package she sent for our son not getting delivered. She cut ties with my husband over a text, knowing he was at work. This isn’t new behavior for her, while my husband and his sibling grew up, she often left them alone while dating men and was gone for periods of time. This has affected all his siblings relationship with her in different ways.
My son has been asking about her and told me he really misses her. I don’t know how to explain how he won’t see her. She finally messaged my husband after 3 months and said, verbatim, “I’m looking to flying out to state to see my family before I move”. I thought the dissociation of us being part of her family was disrespectful. But my husband and I are both torn if we should give our son one last chance to see her. I want to state that it probably is only a 40% chance she fulfills what she says - she has planned numerous trips here since last year but always makes an excuse. I thought giving her one last chance where our son could say bye and have more closure would be nice, but my husband is afraid it’ll create more issues of him missing her. I’m not sure what to do since my family is so different and I couldn’t imagine my mom doing any of this. Looking for advice?

My wife and I bought two FX2's during the pandemic and idk why I even went with hybrid. I usually ride once in a while on weekends but love 2-3-4 hrs rides and want to start riding even longer (recently moved to bay area). But flat bar is causing quite a bit of uncomfort in shoulders and arms. I used to ride vintage road bikes for $100 in the past and I think I want road bike inseat of hybrid. I also think my FX is pretty slow... I want to be able to ride as far as possible so want it to be pretty quick. Question: I was thinking of selling the fx2 and buying domane al2 or something in that range. Idealy even find the used one but seems a bit hard to find that matches the size. Or I have an option to keep the bike and put ergon gp5 and put slimmer tires and hope that it will be more comfortable? I only ride on bike parts and moved to bay area so plan to ride from redwood city to Sf and sometimes back :) thanks in advance for your advice.

So there’s this guy and his name is Antonio. He is really rich but all of his assets are invested into ships that have some valuable goods on them coming back from India. His friend Bassanio isn’t really good with money so he asks Antonio for some cheddar but Antonio doesn’t have any cash on him. So they go to this guy Shylock who can load them money with an interest fee. So they sign a bond but Shylock does something intersecting, he doesn’t request any interest just that if Antonio can’t pay the bond then Shylock get a pound of his flesh. So Antonio signs it and the bond is sealed. The money that they borrowed was in order for Bassanio to impress Portia who is the daughter of a crazy rich guy. He thinks he can suit her because he is a chad but he is kind of broke so he needs to get a cool yacht. They buy one and head over to her house and long story short they marry. Now unfortunately for Antonio in a crazy twist of fate non of his ships come back all presumably sinking so he can’t pay off the bond. At the same time during this entire saga one of Bassanio’s close friends flees with Shylocks daughter which Shylock did not sign up on. This means that he dislikes Antonio now because Antonio and Bassanio are associated because they went to get the loan together. Now remember how Shylock wanted a pound of flesh. Well that was supposed to be a joke but now it is starting to become more and more of a threat. Antonio tried to argue with Shylock but no can do he is set in his decision. Portia and Bassanio get word of these events and head back to Venice to try and help. All this goes to court and there is a whole legal proceeding. Portia decides to dress up like a guy and become a loyer for Antonio. After a bunch of smooth talking and Shylock almost killing Antonio like three times the judge rules in Antonio’s favour. Shylock has to give all of his assets away and then become a Christian he looses his red hat. End of the story #justiceforshylock

This is just a whole rant/sob story about what I’ve been feeling as of recent.
I’ve been crying about yesterday’s U2 Chemistry exam, and today’s Pure 2 assessment for the entire day.
They were horrible. I can’t begin to describe the shock I am in. I've been holding in so much sh*t for so long, but these exams have left me unable to hold it in anymore.
I have done every single past paper, from the Sample Paper to the Jan 2024 papers. I have studied really, really well. I have made sure to study so hard to a point I that there was nothing left I could do. I literally don’t know what else I could have done to prevent this from happening.
I was always ready to sacrifice everything for my grades and my future. For these A-Levels, I have ruined my health, my happiness, my social life, wasted my youth, but for what?
I get around 4 hours of sleep every night. I’m always too stressed to have an appetite to eat. I feel tense and anxious almost all of the time. I am always tired and keep getting body aches for no reason. I have no time to pursue the things I love anymore. I can count the number of times I have gone out with friends in the past 4 years on a single hand. I see all these American teens online having fun and going out every other day. I can’t even remember the last time I left the house to do something enjoyable.
Yeah, I know it sounds like I’m overreacting, and it’s just some ‘exams’, but my whole future is literally dependent on this. Regardless of all the effort and hard work I’ve put in, I f-ed up these exams.
My biggest dream has always been to get into a prestigious university on a scholarship to study medicine. But I can say goodbye to that now.
I grinded so hard in my IGCSEs to do well and I did. I got A*s for every subject and I guess that gave me false hopes that I could ace my A-Levels. Having sat these two exams, I feel so doomed. I know I performed horribley on them.
I feel nothing but disappointment, hopelessness, and fear right now. I have disappointed myself by ruining my chances of making my dream come true.
It's even worse when you feel that the others around you, who have high expectations, are also disappointed. My chemistry teacher was saying how she knew I would do well because of how hard I've worked, then when I told her about how the exam was, I saw how her face just dropped. Everyone was telling her it was terrible, and I feel like she was on the verge of crying.
Then today, before going into the math exam, my math teacher saw me trying to breathe while I was very nervous, and he said that 'it's going to be fine'. I literally told him, 'I don't think it will be', and he just tried to be optimistic about it. After the exam, I knew he'd come to ask how we did, so I tried to hide from the shame, but he found my friend and I. I was crying before, but while he was trying to make us feel better the tears were just pouring down my face.
I feel like the biggest failure ever. During the math exam, my heart started to beat so fast as I realized time was running out and I still had so many questions I was stuck on to complete. That's exactly when the 'it's over - my future is ruined' thoughts came to my head. I just kept thinking 'forget about going to a big university, the only place I can go to now in my home country'. I couldn't even hold back my tears at school. I just started crying in front of everyone like that.
The biggest shock to all of this is that my parents weren't even angry with me; they were almost sympathetic. For reference, my parents are very strict when it comes to academics, so I was expecting them to blow up on me when I told them how it went. They didn't though. They kept telling me it was okay, and that I should focus on my next exam. Not gonna lie, this probably felt worse than having them shout at me. While they didn't say anything explicitly about how they feel, I can feel that they're miserable, and it's all my fault.
I feel so guilty. Is this what my parents immigrated for? My parents have endured so much racism, so many financial struggles, and just a whole lot of sh*t for a long, long time to make sure I can get a good education and have a good future. It feels like I wasted almost 2 decades of struggle in a foreign country.
Imagine all those relatives back home who are expecting me to become a doctor to realize I messed up this bad. Then there is the other side of the family who have criticized my parents since the day I was born for wasting all that time just for education. These same people are the ones who kept trying to convince my parents to try to have another child, hoping for a boy, because 'what is a girl going to do for you when you're old and tired?' I was dead-set on proving them wrong, and honoring my parents' hard work my succeeding and giving them the best life I could afford. I wanted to be the daughter who could make her parents live a life of comfort and peace, better than any son ever could. Now what? It's not happening.
I won't get into a top university, let alone get a scholarship. I won't study medicine as I've dreamed of. I won't become a doctor. I won't retire my parents and let them enjoy the rest of lives without a care in the world if we had enough money to pay rent. I won't be able to do anything I dreamt of.
I've always been insecure. At one point in time though, I made peace with it and said that if I can't be pretty or charismatic, at least I could be smart. It's been the one thing I knew I could count on. But now I feel so f-ing stupid. Like what am I useful for anymore? If that was the one thing I could do right, but now it's gone, what even is my use in life anymore? I used to cry about being ugly, but now I'm dumb too.
Since Year 9, I have been going through a really rough time mentally. I went through a period of time when I was bullied really bad, then another where we were flat broke, then another time when my dad lost his job, then another when my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, then half a year of my parents thinking of divorce, then dealing with the passing of 3 relatives. When does it stop being bad? I used to feed myself these corny lies of 'it's gonna get better' but it doesn't. And this exam period just proved me right.
I wanna give up now. I don't wanna sit anymore exams, and I'm just a third into it. In fact, I don't even wanna live anymore. I know it sounds dramatic to say this over an exam, but I've been holding in this entire rant for the longest time ever, and these exams just brought it out. I've attempted it twice already, but never succeeded.
Since I have no future anyways, I might as well not keep living. I swear to God, that if it weren't for my fear of going to hell, I would try to do it again. I won't though, until we see how the U2 Biology exam goes. But I don't have any hope for it to be any better.
I'm sorry for everyone who feels as though their future is ruined because of these exams, although they studied as hard as they could. May God reward us for our effort.

• What aspect of your current listening experience would you like to improve?

Being able to carry my DAC on the go conveniently with my basic Samsung S24 phone, and have better sound quality. Good flexibility in tweaking settings, so I can adjust it to my taste.
Be able to connect to USB-A, and to USB-C ports (my PC only has USB-A, but my phone has no audio jack and only USB-C) Needs to also take mic output.
Headphones that allow me to better hear all the instruments and sound in music. I'm starting to feel like my current setup might be muddying the sound, making it harder to pick up subtler elements buried under the bigger noises.

• Budget - 150$-ish for the DAC. 150$-200$-ish for the headphones. both budgets flexible
  
• Source/Amp - Windows 10 Desktop PC, only has USB A ports and audio jacks.
  
• How the gear will be used - E.g. Some noise isolation would be nice. Will use at home and when going out to malls, airports, and comic/anime conventions, hanging them off my neck.
  
• Preferred tonal balance - I would like them tonally balanced, and I can tweak the sound with software or DAC if I ever want it to lean into one quality or another.
  
• Preferred music genre(s) - Rock, Electronic music, Chiptune, Vocaloid.
  
• Past gear experience :
  

Cooler Master MH-752 - Detachable mic and it's look made it okay for taking on the go, was very comfortable too. I have fond memories of it. It does look a little plain to me now though, but that's not much of a negative.
Hyper X Cloud II - The design looks way too "gamer" (if that makes sense). It was fine for at home, but I can't see myself using this outside home. I also wish replacement parts were easier to get,
Hyper X Cloud II DAC - Just a basic gamer DAC. Good that it also takes in mic output. Wire is too long to carry, and it's only USB-A, can't use it for my USB-C phone. Can't even take out the wire and use a different one to connect to PC
Linsouls Kiwi Ear Quartet - My current IEM. Very nice overall! I have no complaints.

Since I was a kid, I knew how my parents were. I used to hate them; I felt left out. My parents used to sleep separately. My mom and us would sleep in a different house, and my father would sleep in our childhood home. Sometimes we slept together. We were that type of middle-class family—my parents could buy us our wants and needs, but due to business, they were busy. My dad sometimes went to his childhood province. Being a second child, I was kind of a brat and talked back to my parents. But as I grew up, I got shy and became an introvert. It’s hard for me to share my problems with people or even my parents.
We have a lot of houses, specifically my grandparents’. They are upper-class people. Different people, relatives, and nannies took care of us while our parents traveled or were busy with business. I didn’t care much, but in 5th grade, I learned my dad cheated on my mom with my mom’s best friend. They got married secretly and had a child. It really bothered me. I started to change; I got quiet, shy, and very introverted while my mom was suffering. But I also hated her instead of hating my dad because she didn’t really care about us. She cared more about our sibling. She didn’t even know how to be a wife to my dad. Still, my dad divorced his second wife and got back together with my mom.
By the way, when we found out about the cheating, my mom was also pregnant with her 6th child. Now we’re seven siblings altogether. I also have an online friend who I met online. I started sharing my problems with her to the point she even changed her IG user to my name, like @mynameismygirlfriend. And by the way, she’s not my girlfriend; she’s just a friend. Then one day, my mom spanked me and told me to go take a shower. I brought my phone with me and chatted with that online friend in the bathroom. My mom checked the bathroom because it didn’t have a lock. She caught me and was trying to get my phone, but I was pulling it back because I had sent a message saying, "I hope my parents divorce." That message really ruined my life. Do I regret sending that message? Maybe yes, maybe no.
Another thing is my diary, where there’s a page saying I hate her and I wish she hadn’t become my mom. I wished my dad’s youngest sister was my mom because I was jealous of my cousin and how my auntie treated them. For months I was suffering because my mom was hurting me almost every day, and I was suffering almost every day. One thing for sure was considering suicide. I was suffering from depression and anxiety at that time, but my mom doesn’t believe in that stuff when it comes to me because my parents said I was just being distracted by a devil.
Since I was a kid, I knew I was not the favorite child, but it’s okay; I learned to live with it. I also developed a habit of stealing money from my parents, and they found out about it twice. They always bring it up when something is missing; they would immediately ask me. By the way, part of my diary is about me trying to change, but it’s hard when they keep bringing up my past. All those bad habits were left in my past, but you choose to bring them up whenever there’s a topic about those habits. You would bring it up. Yes, I still constantly leave whenever you talk and try to teach me a lesson, but because you guys keep bringing up my past. Sorry if I was disrespectful, but I'm really tired of you guys abusing me mentally and physically. You’re ruining me day by day. I can’t wait to leave this house and prove something. If being boastful is what my parents call me, I don’t care. I’m tired. There’s a lot that you guys don’t know about because these are only a few things you did to me.

Worked 4 hours on QB yesterday. Started off with this error when opening company file: “Something’s not right. We’re unable to complete your request.” and ended with QB stuck on an activation loop after the support agent deleted a pretty important file (learned this on my 2nd call). Eventually, the other agent came to the conclusion that QB cannot run on a terminal server, so I am very excited to wait for all of our customers to blow up the help desk with this same issue. Still not resolved and currently pulling my hair out.

My IB exams will be over tomorrow (it’s listening Dw). Here’s my take for future students. IB is not worth doing, I will try to include all the popular aspects— could be useful for parents and students interested.

1. Cost

Let’s be real. IB is hella expensive with little to no ROI for its worth. I spent 15lakhs (almost $15,000) inr for 2 years while my friend doing a different program spent 2lakhs inr ($2000) (can be more cheaper). And now we both are going through a similasame college process for international.

1. Credits

Let’s be real you can just take IB exams for IB certificates and get IB credits. If you’re doing JEE you guys already cover more than our syllabus except for options, which are relatively easier. Just check in with your current program and IB to see if the syllabus is similar—at most they are the same.

1. Prestige

If you’re going in IB for prestige you’ll make a big fool of yourself. Yes I know with time management you can do everything, the reality is NO. You’ll see your friends completing their 12th way before you (in my case it happened not sure about others) the only prestige you’ll feel is for those 2 years you can tell yourself you did the IB but no one will care.

1. Mental health

Well all subreddits related to IB cover this no need to go through it again but yes not worth it. Much better with other programs

1. Ease into first year

Okay let’s be honest here. You will know how to do an academic report better than the rest, you will nail your first year. What’s next? A person who hasn’t done the IB will soon get to your level after 1-2 semester. Then what? Did you honestly pay $15,000 for “easing into university” which already costs multiple life savings? Just do an online course on academic report in summer (can be free if you’re smart) and you’re better off than us.

1. bETtEr tImE ManAgemEnt sKillS

Bro stfu. Are you seriously paying so much to learn time management? All I see when people are arguing about why you should do IB is that it forces you to manage your time. What kind of a lame argument is that? You utilize time management, for that matter all skills, in your daily life. Want to improve time management? Do school, join sports, start an NGO/clubs— there time management cheaper than IB.

1. Universities prefer IB students more

Okay no. That’s just a marketing scheme and sadly I was caught in it. Do you really think a university will prefer one program over the other? Discriminating against the fortunate and the unfortunate? Please don’t be like me and fall into this trap, schools and IB only want your money, for that matter all programs in this world, Education is a business please get that through your head. My own university says that we compare IB students against IB STUDENTS, so what’s the point?
Ofcourse there are more reasons and ofcourse I might be wrong in some. I would do the IB again if there is more ROI to it, for now there isn’t. I would have saved a lot of mental and financial stress both for my family and myself if I didn’t do the IB. I truly regret taking this program not because it was hard but how unnecessary it was.

Okay so I (15f) kinda dislike my cousin (17f) who we'll call Willow, because of what shes done to me in the past.
When we were kids (think like 7 and 9) she and i would always race with me to get the best spot at the lunch table. No big deal. Until she started shouting at me for being faster than her and getting to sit in that spot. She scared me a lot.
She also forced me to watch shows, that i'm pretty sure were for 16+ audiences, where there were cops and ambulanced and everything that comes with hospitals (i cant really say anything too specific because of the the rules)
She wouldnt let me out of the room until the episode was finished. I remember at one point just breaking down crying because the ambulance series horrified me.
The breaking point came when I was maybe 9 and she 11-12. It was someones birthday and we where all at her house. We kids decided to go play hide and seek. So it was me, Willow, her brother,her friend and two other kids. all of them ranging from the ages 11-16.
They took me to the courtyard of an old church and told me to go and hide while laughing about something. So i did that, but when after maybe half an hour it was getting darker and darker and i couldnt hear their voices anymore, i started getting scared. I went out of my hiding spot and sure enough: nobody was there anymore.
Now picture this: a scared, almost hysterical, 9-year-old in the courtyard of a church where we weren't even allowed to be, with no phone, only a basic idea about where i was and it was already quite dark. I've since gone back to the church and turns out we really were trespassing.
They actually abandoned me there. Now i realise that they were laughing about me trusting them not to abandon me.
I somehow found my way to the main road from which i knew the way back to Willows house. But it still took me maybe half an hour, in which it was now completely dark.
When i got back the adults were surprised to see me back alone. They questioned me where the others were but i just lied and told them they'd dropped me off before going off to the next playground. I was already terrified of what would happen when they returned home and saw me there. I really didn't wanna get into more trouble with Willow than necessary.
Fortunatly we left before the others returned and that was the end of that story. No one mentioned anything about that night ever again. I hope i gave them a good scare when they realised i was nowhere to be found in the courtyard.
Now i often simply refuse to speak to her more than i have to. My mother is very confused about this and says i should let go of the past (she knows about the outbursts and shows) but whenever i look at her i see the bully she used to be. Mother says i have no reason to dislike her because she was still a child who didnt know better. I think i might be in the wrong because i cant let go of something that happened over 7 years ago
So am i the AH for disliking her?

Set between the end and the imminent post-war Godzilla represented the horrors of this. A war that persists, the catastrophes it entails are alive among the people. There are many beautiful images of destroyed Tokyo and its progressive reconstruction, moving forward, trying to start again but the protagonist Koichi is unable to do so because he lives with ghosts and torments, he has not fulfilled his """"duty"""" of kamikaze, he fled, just as he hesitates and trembles before the first appearance of Godzilla. The human sector is one of the film's strong points, especially because in films of this type it is often its weak point, the war has never ended for Koichi so he is unable to fully enjoy the opportunity of a new life with Noriko to little Akiku. These dynamics could perhaps have been more in-depth, Koichi's internal torment is often told more, however nothing serious especially for a film of this type. There is a lot of Spielberg in Yamazaki's direction, Godzilla's first appearance is reminiscent of Jurassic Park, subjectively I would have liked more construction in Big G's appearance but the effect is to show him directly; in the end the references to Jaws are evident. The destruction of Tokyo by Godzilla works very well with well-constructed dynamics and shots, the one of the train very good as well as the preparation and launch of the kaiju's atomic ray with the subsequent effects. For the budget available the work is very good, the performance of Godzilla is exemplary, the military vehicles may not have a not so perfect performance but never anything so bad for the eyes, the work on the effects is in fact very spot on. As in Honda's film, in Minus One Godzilla embodies desperation and his attacks are aimed at signs of human progress, both technological and lifestyle, such as the iconic train, the theater and the radio station. However, the kaiju will have no qualms about destroying everything. In the mythology not only of Godzillian but also of Japanese, water is very important and it is from here that everything is born, the film in fact begins with water and the color blue is almost always present, the photography always inserts objects or elements that recall the aquatic color even in the interiors of houses and exteriors. Even moments of rain are therefore significant. The destruction of Tokyo and the resulting effects, which are very human and personal for the protagonist, just when he had just laid himself bare with Noriko, therefore perhaps accepting to really live, is the turning point towards a personal revenge against the kaiju. Even though Koichi and Noriko are ashamed of it, they are two survivors of the war, the film emphasizes how orders from above cause death, planes without the possibility of evacuation, kamikazes, war is something imposed from above , by governments. Minus One, unlike many other films about Godzilla, does not show the government's choices in the foreground, the citizens suffer them, the anti-Godzilla cry is in fact a free voluntary action of the population. The logic of dying for the country is rejected but instead one must live and survive to build the future. Therefore the point of view of the story is framed by Koichi and the citizens who have recently seen the war and relive those horrors through Godzilla, there are no torments of Yamane or Serizawa from Honda's film, no one questions whether Godzilla could be studied, there isn't even a scientific etymology of the kaiju, the population is interested in moving forward and the volunteers want to kill the monster for this. The film is very square and also linear, so in the ending, instead of aiming for presumed twists, it would have been better to focus on Koichi's character, involving the viewer in the moment of the definitive choice that completes his narrative arc. In fact, Koichi is dragged into an existence of war, the dream of a possible life with Noriko and Akiku opposed by his revenge and torments. Certainly with a bigger budget the ship sequence in the finale would have been more impactful, but Godzilla works great in the film, his moments are effective both in the destruction of Tokyo and in the sequences at sea. So even the clash at the end with the iconic soundtrack is very good. There is clearly a strong reference to Dunkirk both purely scenic but also for the spirit of free action of citizens, becoming volunteers, it is a film that focuses on the concept of spontaneous organization without the need for government bodies which instead brought death and war .Yamazaki, in addition to Spielberg, also mentions Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah from 2021, the director himself made it explicit, the underwater scenario and Koichi's action in the finale are examples. Most likely Minus One will be the progenitor for a new Japanese saga, I am very happy about it, in conclusion, the film has a well-described human aspect, yes, at times perhaps more told than experienced but in any case the drama is very present as is the destruction and the desperation that war brings, also represented by Godzilla himself; the kaiju works great, his presence is well exploited if in a Godzilla film, this works the film is spot on and successful. Beautiful.

The most likely case is that this is just on my end, but thought I'd ask. A few days ago, everything was working just fine in the morning, then later in the day I started getting Error 12 (which is typically the error for the game detecting mock locations, I believe).
Setup at the time was Magisk rooted Pixel 5 with Android 14 playing on vanilla Pokemon GO app with App Ninjas GPS Joystick and LSposed HideMockLocations.
I tried a individual app resets, restarts, and whatnot, no success. I then rolled everything back to just being rooted and followed the mega guide, no luck. Magisk seems to be working just as before, still passing security checks, DenyList is still working for other apps and PoGO. That leads me to believe it's something on the LSposed side? But before I go digging, just thought I'd see if anyone else was experiencing the same thing.
Thanks!
EDIT: Using PGSharp until I get this fixed, I'd feel more comfortable if I can get back to my original setup. Only strike I've ever gotten was during the time I was using PGSharp, though that was probably more related to using some of the enhancements and triggering behavioral flags. Gone years with the mock locations setup without issue, so it would be nice to get that back.

Prologue
Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.

Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.

I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.

With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.

Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.

To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?

I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat and that you give your thoughts on my title in the opening of your message.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again

[First] [Prev]
Dialog Key:
[Translated]: Dates, Units of Measurement, or other Grammatical terms will be retrofitted to be legible for readers while still staying true to their definition
{Exposition}: Immediate context regarding events, People, Entities, or other key points that allow for understanding amongst different cultures.
...This vicious defeat sobered up the command of the Dekarr as they swiftly began commissioning countermeasures for these Argo ships. But how do you stop a hive-minded, indestructible drone swarm? At first, it was easy for the Dekarr to turn to their [Dyson swarms] to wipe out the Argos, but military strategists were concerned with the [M.A.D.] principle which was confirmed to be within the Human’s understanding and vocabulary and had been for thousands of years. They didn’t want to risk the lives of trillions for one single ship.
So the Mammals scrapped the genocide option and sent out a broadcast commissioning ideas to deal with the Human Drone Swarms, because soon enough the Human Fleets would power through the Commonwealth systems’ FTL inhibitors, and this would no longer be an offensive war. Oddly enough, the answer came from the Humans themselves. Well, not the Terran Conglomerate or Neptune Confederacy of course, but from something the Humans referred to as a “Corporate Enterprise”, named “Descon Industries™”. They offered a weapon capable of punching through the Argo Ships and their drone swarms, in exchange for a few favors in the future.
The Dekarr were more than willing to pay whatever price in their moment of desperation. They couldn’t afford this political massacre if they lost this war, how they would be mocked in the Galactic Community if their war of humiliation was turned on them. They eagerly purchased the designs for a large swath of technology and resources, not questioning how casually these Humans were willing to stab their own species in the back for a quick [profit]. But by the time the first of these powerful “M.A.C.” weapons were synthesized and attached to their battleships, the Humans had successfully taken one of their outer system’s void space, what’s worse is that a well-established colony was in that system, and it was currently being raided by the Human Forces.
The Transmissions and battle recordings from Gespoliin {Outer trade colony, located ~[26,273 ly] from the Galactic Center} raised another dilemma, The Humans seemed to counter and overwhelm every tactic the garrison commanders would throw at them. Linemen, Trench warfare, Artillery rains, Nothing stopped the Humans. Their technology, while primitive was insane, savage, archaic, and ruthlessly effective! Ballistic ordinance, something that was traditionally scarcely used on mobile artillery apparatus or heavy war machines, was standard-issue assault weaponry for the humans, Micro-artillery cannons nestled in the arms of the Humans that often fired just as fast, if not faster, than our own standard-issue phaser rifles! The Commonweath’s best Generals and Strategists worked tirelessly to decipher these tactics, but their technology simply couldn’t be retrofitted quickly enough to employ these tactics! Humans may have been primitive but their weapons worked with a different purpose, a purpose that was fulfilled with vicious efficiency.
The Dekarr Reached out to Descon Industries once more and asked if they could provide military solutions for ground-based combat. Descon Industries said that they could not help, as they were Naval Contractors and Arms Manufacturers, However, they did refer the Commonwealth to what the Humans referred to as a “Private Military Company” dubbed “Dynamo Security Contractors”, which we later learned was just another off-shoot of Descon Industries. “Franchising” was not in the vocabulary of any Pan-galactic Enterprises, so nobody glanced twice at the corporate monopoly. Traditionally as a Corporation, you are either specialized or Generalized, from start to bankruptcy, unless of course, you’re Human in origin, because you can come up with an Idea so ridiculous as ‘franchising’ and get away with it.
And get away with it they did, The Dekarr happily rented out the entirety of the PMC after learning it shared the definition of a glorified Mercincary Enclave like so many you would find across the galaxy looking for petty work.
And so, the Dynamo Forces arrived on a Nearby colony moon within the Uved System {The System Housing the Trade colony of Gespoliin} and prepared for an assault alongside 18 million Commonwealth Soldiers on the besieged colony that was just barely holding onto its ground control. After seeing how disorganized and primitive the Commonwealth’s ground strategies were, the PMC strategists offered to assume command over their forces, though they were swiftly turned down by the Commonwealth Generals, thinking they only needed Human weaponry and soldiers to solve their problems, not their strategists. At this point, many still believed the Humans were winning because of hubris and dumb luck, not technology or tactics.

I have a bad chronic dry eye disease making it difficult to work at a computer all day, particularly at my office where the air is extra dehumidified. I put in a disability accommodation request to work from home full time along with my doctor's work from home recommendation which was denied. Most employees in my department including myself are in a hybrid work from role while a few are full time work from home. Management won't say it out loud, but work from home is something to be negotiated similar to other compensation which I haven't earned yet.
I put in a request with the EEOC and my initial interview with them went well. They said I could file a complaint and begin mediation with my company. If that doesn't work they can start an investigation and see which of us is right.
I feel like I have the evidence on my side, however my concern is mostly with retaliation. Sure it's illegal for a company to fire me over this, but the law didn't stop them from denying my accommodation in the first place so who's to say they wouldn't break the law again. This also isn't my forever company, but it is my first job in this career so a future bad reference is also possible. The EEOC says the reference issue can be handled by an agreement in mediation, but the same problem appears where who's to say my employer won't just break the agreement and give me a bad reference. I would never know. What tend to be the experience when dealing with this sort of thing and is it worth the risk of my boss's retaliation?

I would really like to find something similar to {Find me (WITSEC) by Ashley N. Rostek} that I read about a year ago.
The FMC is a mysterious transfer student, with a tragic past, who moves to town from Alaska for a fresh start. The author does a really good job of developing relationships, individual characters (especially the FMC), and setting up the FMC to respond to her trauma in a realistic and interesting way without a cringy amount of “woe is me” attitude.
To summarize without giving too many details, there was stalking, kidnapping, murder, and psychological torture before she was able to escape. This left the FMC with physical and emotional damage which bleeds through in her daily life through night terrors and PTSD flashbacks.
The details were pretty dark and there were some triggers but her growth, story, and the relationships she is able to build afterwards all made it a great read.
The story could also include an abusive family or significant other, kidnapping, captivity, experimentation if we’re talking fantasy, etc. You get the picture.
I‘m looking for survivor vibes
Pleaaaaase recommend anything that comes to mind. Thank you!!

This is my first real job out of college and I feel like I’m messing everything up.
I started off super strong but they didn’t know where to place me because I genuinely wasn’t given any work to work on. I also didn’t really make an effort to get to know my coworkers that well at first making me feel disconnected. They gave me menial tasks at first and now they pretty much leave me alone.
Since onboarding, they have pretty much held off any legitimate responsibilities. They have me host a few meetings here and there but I’m not happy with where I’m at. Lately, I have been making many more mistakes than usual and I barely hear from my higher ups.
I had a one on one with my boss that I initiated and he said I’m doing everything just fine and not to stress.
I feel like I’m going to get fired or forgotten about although nobody at this company gets fired unless they do something really stupid. Not sure how to feel

I had shoulder surgery back in 2015. All was well until I was released from light duty at work. I started over compensating with my left arm and at work, on an assembly line, I’d reach across my body and pull the product down to my with my left. I think that may what caused this.
That being said. From the time I wake until I sleep it’s a constant aching and burning in my right shoulder blade area. It then got to where I couldn’t turn right. I went to a physical therapist and he said it’s a common thing in wrestlers and that it was my chest plate, a rib issue there. Well he twisted me and popped my upper back and fixed it. But now along with the constant burning and aching now there is a constant feeling of having to pop where my right shoulder blade is. I lean and twist like every 3 min now it seems. It’ll eventually click pop and there will be instant relief. That only lasts a minute or 2 tops, then it goes back to hurting.
As of lately it’s getting hard to make it click and it feels like my whole upper back is getting tighter and slouching more.
Oh! Also, above my shoulder blade I can press on one band of something. Idk if it’s muscle or tendon, it feels like a small cord, but it’s extremely painful to press on. When I do though and tolerate the pain, it subsides and the aching and needing to pop feeling goes away as long as I’m pressing.
Sorry for the novel.

I don’t feel like myself anymore.
This second sem as a freshie, compared to the first, mas lighter workload ko ngayon. Currently nagreretake ako ng math course. One of the other major subjects I am taking are My bio lab & lec which, well, kala ko, mapapanis ko. Ever since talaga my elementary days to HS days, biology was something I considered as my forte, lalo na dream ko magpursue ng med one day.
So with the start ng second sem, I was excited, with bio being there (& my plans to shift to this course), and mej nalax aq konti with math, knowing na, Ive been through this before, I could not possibly fail this again.
Fast forward to present day me, I am on the verge of failing bio & math (again:(). At first it was ONLY 1 failed exam for both, then next thing ik, wala pa akong napapasa na exam, kahit isa. AND I am just so frustrated, sad, dissapointed, angry, & tired.
What am I doing wrong? Nag-aaral naman ako super hard, I am pushing myself to heights I never thought I could even reach, I Fucked up my sleep schedule para lang sa studies ko. Yet, despite ALL this, I am ending up as a failure……
What. In. The. Actual. Fuck Universe.
With all these dissapointing results, there are days wherein, di ako makatayo, nakahiga lang or nakatulala aq from my bed. Nawawalan ako ng ganang kumain. Fuck, I am not even aiming for 1s or 2s, amp kahit tres lang, kahit pang removals, im ok, I just want to pass. I want to be able to feel na my hardwork was worth it. The sleepless nights and my deteriorating health, I wanna feel like kahit papaano, nakapagyield ako ng passing marks in the end.
As for my family, honestly, they are not even that strict, kahit 3, masayang masaya sila. But failing & retaking the subject wholly Is not an option again. After failing math & telling them that I need to retake it, grabe dissapointment sa mga mata nila. They told me stuff bout how yeah, obviously ako very dissapointed cause I was the one working my ass off this only to end up retaking the subject, but mas sila daw ang nadidisappoint(?) like iba daw as a parent yung dissapointment, lalo na carrying the fact na ur child failed overall a subject in school. Hindi daw normal yung pag fail ng isang subject sa college. Siguro I understand (or try to) where they are coming from, but idk, parang a bit unfair lang for me yung thought na, mas sila daw ang nadidisappoint?? Mas sila daw ang may burden na ito?? Like as much as I wanted to scream or tell them na “No, you have no right to tell me na mas mabigat toh for you, na the burden Is lighter on my end, NO!”, I cant. At the end of the day, they are my parents. Anyways yun, idk if maaaccept pa ba nila kung niretake ko tong math for the 2nd time, as they said, and I quote, “this Is the first & last time you are going to let this happen. hindi ito normal.”
So ayun, with all that, I am even questioning myself if I am really deserving of UP. If I am good enough to be a doctor one day, if I am even strong enough to endure it.
Everyday nalang, I feel this darkness looming. Subtle siya sa mornings, but very strong niya sa gabi. I tried to fight it before, the monster of my anxieties & doubt, but lately, I just let it. I let it consume me, I let it beat me up to shit. I am starting to get tired of fighting. Nakakapagod ipaglaban ang isang bagay na, sa huli, ididisappoint ka lang.
Idk what to do anymore tbh.
So yun, thank u for giving a bit of ur time reading this. Di ko man kayu nakikita or kilala, but I am very grateful & appreciative of you:)

I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) For a year, we met when I was 18 and he was 21. My relationship is complicated with him, as we both struggle with our mental illnesses and dealing with school/ work. I’m the only one who to therapy and he used to be but it had gotten expensive for him. Whenever we would have arguments, he was more emotionally charged and more anxious. I am not, I’m more avoidant in conversations because of how he can spaz out sometimes, he’s screamed at me other times because of my tone or aggressiveness (We’re from New York City so it’s a bit of a habit so I get that). And it makes me feel detached a lot of the time because I don’t want to do this with him. I also feel as if he is manipulating me and putting so much onto me in general. We had been on the phone for a while debating about something someone said, a known psychologist . I forgot what his thought was but, I remembered that psychologist from somewhere on social media and I remembered he had some views that I felt were misogynistic and I had said that I thought the guy was a POS out loud. My boyfriend was not too keen on that and said like you don’t have to say it like that, I’m giving him anxiety about me taking about another man’s conservative views and character. To be honest, I genuinely don’t even know why he was upset about it but it’s nothing to me to apologize because I can get excited or have an aggressive tone, it does nothing for me not to apologize.
Next day, I had upset him about saying something he did not want to hear and I was like trying to tell him later on I didn’t mean to offend him, and he groans loudly and tells me he didn’t want to talk about it. (He said he didn’t want ven care about what I said.) I felt some type of way about it because why couldn’t you just say that you did not care in the first place instead of having a mannerism that would suggest otherwise?
In the morning, he was going to work and I had brought it up to him how I felt. I had no attitude, I did not have a reason to pick a bone with him or argue and he just begins to start panicking and crying, saying that I was selfish and I should have never brought it up in the morning (which, that his boundary I did cross that but I thought it was acceptable because he had done the same thing before when he spoke to me about his anxiety and I had to sleep but he wanted to clear it.)
He goes to work and he’s just having a breakdown and I was on the phone with him, I genuinely don’t even know what to do when he’s just breaking down the way he is because I don’t know why he is crying like this in the first place. It sounds horrible. He tried to quit his job because of the stress of it all (me included) and it’s been bad ever since. Yesterday, he screamed at me on the phone because I was telling him how I feel in general about this and how I cannot always be there for him (like drop everything). I just feel so invalidated in how I feel (I’ve always acknowledged how he feels in general whilst saying what i think too. I’ll say ‘I understand how you feel (lengthy part to empathize) and i also feel like (my part.)’ and now his family hates me because I’m making him feel this way and he’s screaming. I’ve tried to go on a break with him before but he always persuades me to not ‘break’ up with him. He kept throwing jabs saying, “No one loves me… You don’t even care. You don’t feel bad, I feel betrayed by you.” I don’t know what to do, my therapist is gone for the week and I always look up to here and ask her if I had been wrong about anything I’ve done in my relationship, she says no but sometimes I feel like I need others words of wisdom, especially since I am younger and he is my first boyfriend. Even today, I had called him after and he had texted me something almost at 12 and I just said I saw your text but I didn’t know if I should respond to it. And he got angry at me, saying I keep disrespecting that boundary and last night should not be in my mouth. I tried to apologize but he said to leave him alone for the rest of the day. Am I wrong for being the way that I had been?
tl;dr: I wasn’t there for my boyfriend’s panic attack because of previous experiences with him and he resents me for it and he keeps screaming at me. i don’t know how we can move on.

I would really like to find something similar to {Find me (WITSEC) by Ashley N. Rostek} that I read about a year ago.
The FMC is a mysterious transfer student, with a tragic past, who moves to town from Alaska for a fresh start. The author does a really good job of developing relationships, individual characters (especially the FMC), and setting up the FMC to respond to her trauma in a realistic and interesting way without a cringy amount of “woe is me” attitude.
To summarize without giving too many details, there was stalking, kidnapping, murder, and psychological torture before she was able to escape. This left the FMC with physical and emotional damage which bleeds through in her daily life through night terrors and PTSD flashbacks.
The details were pretty dark and there were some triggers but her growth, story, and the relationships she is able to build afterwards all made it a great read.
The story could also include an abusive family or significant other, kidnapping, captivity, experimentation if we’re talking fantasy, etc. You get the picture.
I‘m looking for survivor vibes
Pleaaaaase recommend anything that comes to mind. Thank you!!

hi all! I (23F) have been seeing this guy (26M) for around a month. we met on Hinge and things seem to be going really well, ever since the first date he continued to tell me we "have strong potential" to be in a relationship. he's in the military though and lives an hour away, so we've only seen each other once or twice a week since this started.
last night i was at his and he shared a book with me and suggested i read it to learn and understand more about his job. he does a lot of classified work so i don't get to ask him much about it and i'm fine with that. my job isn't my life, so i kind of accepted that while it's a big part of his life it's not a big part he can talk about or would want to. i asked him if it was important to him that i learn more about his job and his response was "if you actually want to be in a relationship with me, then yeah."
this didn't upset me but it did prompt a conversation where i asked if he wanted to be in a relationship with me. he said he didn't know yet, but things looked good and that he thought we needed to hang out more. i expressed he's the only person i'm seeing right now and i'm interested in persuing this more, but just to let me know if he was seeing other people so i could keep a good handle on my feelings. he looked at me (kind of gravely) and said that he was only seeing me but if we get into a relationship it wouldn't "be for fun, but would be very serious". basically i think he wants to date to marry. i agreed it would be serious and we moved on.
several hours later i saw a bunch of hinge messages on his phone. it was the notification screen, i wasn't snooping just saw it out of the corner of my eye.
all this is to say i guess I'm just confused? if he's seeing other people that won't end things, i just don't want to get attached unless this will turn into something? and i don't know what else is important to learn about someone before dating them or how long to wait? all my previous relationships were in college, so the timelines of things were a bit different. any advice? thoughts?