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I’ve been typed in MBTI but as a multitude of different types, and only once by Socionicists before (is that a word?), but was in a very unhealthy mental place then and I’m not sure it was accurate. I've filled out the questionnaire and tried to be thorough, although I think it comes across as rather muddled in some points, so I'm happy to clarify any bits. Thanks in advance for any help or input!
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?

• I study medieval languages and literature and folklore at a PhD level. I came into this somewhat accidentally - I’ve always been interested in history (not solely medieval), but began to specialise a bit more and found I had a knack for picking up several dead languages quite quickly. I always say I came to it by accident, but that sort of downplays how much I love it, and how I’ve been obsessed with history since I was a child.
• I love getting perspectives from the past and thinking about different belief systems, how perspectives on the world have changed diachronically and vary geographically. I want to understand the people of the past, sort of as an example of innate archetypical humanity in incredibly varied contexts. Reading these texts helps me understand people I know, myself, and humanity as a whole better. I also love how varied my day can be - I go to new places each year, I work on different projects each month, and I solve different problems each day.
• I dislike some of the instability surrounding future jobs - although I’m in one of the best departments in the world for this topic, it can be very difficult to get a job post-PhD in academia, something that remains a worry despite not being an imminent problem to solve.

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?

• I work a lot and my partner says I don’t know how to relax. So a lot of my “hobbies” are doing things like learning extra languages (I recently started German), specifically languages that will be useful for my future studies/work.
• I work out pretty consistently, a mix of strength-training and cardio. I try to keep it even (although I read somewhere that a 60/40 split is optimal, 50/50 is close enough). I do this for a mix of health benefits, stress-relief (possibly could be considered a health benefit) and vanity. I will drop workouts when work becomes too busy though (it’s not priority number one)
• I like rock-climbing and hiking when I can, but I don’t do this daily.
• I plan future travels and work, and I also really like organising social events, but most of that is centred around organising and helping run departmental events at the moment. Despite this, I can be a bit of a shut-in on a day-to-day basis.
• I also play video games as stress relief, if I’ve completed enough stuff in the day. Games like Skyrim, Ghost of Tsushima, etc.
• I also spend a lot of time on reddit reading about various topics related to fantasy novels or videogames, mythology, psychology and psychiatry, various personality-typing systems, true crime (although less into this one than the others) also watch youtube videos about such things.

What are your values, and why?

• I value determination, grit, and intelligence in friends quite a bit, and a sort of “can-do” optimism
• I value inclusivity, I dislike cliquish behaviour.
• I sort of don’t know how to describe this, but I find it annoying when people try to interfere in my work to suit their agenda - I value a sort of friendly “live and let live” mentality.
• Following on that, I value approaching people with an understanding rather than judgmental mindset

Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

• I am not super hands on with my family - I live on the other side of the world from them - but I do like them, and keep connected electronically and through weekly or fortnightly Skype calls. I sometimes feel that they don’t really understand my interests, but they do care and try to pay attention regardless, and I know they see me as somewhat distant, but they see that as a personality quirk rather than indicative of lack of affection.
• I don’t have a super large friend group at the moment but have in the past. I’m focussing on quality over quantity at the moment, after spending a lot of time working in nightlife earlier in my life and having the massive social circles.
• I appreciate that my friends are intelligent, passionate, well-travelled and ambitious people.
• I struggle sometimes when friends don’t take me into account when I have done so for them, and I also sometimes find people a bit too caught up in their own worldviews and concerns without seeing what (to me) is the bigger community picture. I also really dislike when people try to apply moral pressure on me (that I have to care about a cause or I’m a bad person, etc.). I also find it frustrating when I’m the sole organiser of events or meet-ups.

What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?

• This was somewhat answered above, but I also enjoy outgoing and warm people, and people who I think I can rely upon. I try to take people as they come, though, and have had all sorts of friends.
• In romantic relationships, I like when people are ambitious, determined, and intelligent but also kind and passionate people. I like them to have a level of overlapping interests with me (my partner is also a medieval scholar, but works more with artefacts and museum work).

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?

• I can be accidentally rude at times without realising, and also can be a bit dismissive of views I think are dumb, sometimes hastily so.
• I can over-explain or simply talk too much or over-theorise
• I can be a bit of a people-pleaser
• A recent conflict was my trying to organise a departmental event and the other graduate students not contributing or seeing the larger picture of how that would help our department as a community, which I got very frustrated by.

What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?

• I work really hard
• I try to create opportunities not just for myself but for those around me. I think we (not the whole world, obviously, but those around me) can all succeed.
• I am thorough in everything and don’t really half-ass stuff.
• I am pretty friendly and always up for a chat or to be a shoulder to cry on, and am pretty nonjudgmental (one friend says I always try to attribute other’s actions to a positive motive)

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?

• I can be impatient and don’t know how to relax/wait for things.
• Sometimes I can come across as weird or intense, and I wish I was better at toning that down and relating to people
• I get pretty insecure about what people think of me at times, and wish I was a little better or more confident there.
• I take on too much work - I have been called an “arbeidsoptimist” before
• Sometimes I can be overly conflict-avoidant - I’ll get frustrated by people, but try to work around that.
• I can be a bit hesitant about making decisions
• I have a moderately murky sense of self - hence the need for a typing questionnaire and struggles with self-typing
• When stressed, I catastrophise a lot, and can have quite a lot of anxiety about not living up to my potential or failing at the things I am working on.

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?

• I am good at keeping myself on task and working towards goals, I don’t really struggle with motivation or such.
• I’m pretty good at building connections and friendships with professors and other people and maintaining a sort of warm, friendly atmosphere in workplaces.
• I need help at times figuring which information is important and which can be left out. My work tends to spiral outwards and things like page-counts in papers or time-limits in presentations seem horrendously oppressive.
• I need help with taxes.
• I sometimes need help figuring out why I’m upset about things.
• I would like help figuring out my socionics type ;)

What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?

• I dislike cooking (it just doesn’t interest me, although I enjoy tasting different kinds of food, I am also happy eating the same thing everyday, which I do when I live on my own).
• I dislike things like taxes.
• I am struggling with this question. I guess I dislike when I cannot plan and have to wait and see about more information (not strictly a “dislike doing” answer). Unresolved problems or conflicts give me a lot of anxiety.
• I enjoy going to museums, climbing, exercise (while listening to a podcast about an interest, preferably in another language), analysing medieval literature, planning initiatives, theorising and brainstorming with professors and some friends.

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?

• I want to publish more articles in and outside of my field. I have a couple I’m working on now, which range from 19th century literature (recently accepted as a journal article!) to niche folklore topics (recently presented at a conference) to medieval travel literature (readying for publication), so that is my immediate term, along with some travel for language-study later in the summer.
• Long term, I want to finish my PhD and become a professor in my field at a research-heavy (R1 or the equivalent) university
• I hope to master more languages (I need working competency in 5 to even pass my PhD qualifying exams), and to do so, I plan to travel (and acquire funding for that).
• I also want to be a little closer to my family, and take care of my partner and eventually marry.

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?

• I have a lot of trinkets, artifacts, candles, and pieces of artwork up in my room. They are pretty varied, from statues (a bronze buddha from Sri Lanka, a basalt Horus from Egypt, and so forth) to artwork (Dante’s inferno by Botticelli, a Dali painting is up too at the moment), to some tibetan prayer flags, etc. Basically just stuff I’ve gotten from travels or as gifts.
• I’m pretty clean, in all honesty. I don’t mind clutter, but I don’t like when things are dirty.

If you won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore, what would you do?

• Exactly what I am doing, but I’d have a nicer place to live and worry a little less. I acquire external funding for a lot of my travels, etc., so that stuff wouldn’t really change.

What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?

• I find it somewhat endearing when people talk a lot about their own interests. I can usually relate it to things I am interested in without needing them to do that for me, and I also usually just find those things interesting.
• I find it endearing when
• I sometimes find it difficult when people leave all decision-making up to me, even if they’re trying to be flexible/easy. I can make the decisions, but don’t always like to.

How do you behave around strangers?

• I am very polite, but don’t really engage with strangers that often. I can be a bit shy, and used to have a decent amount of social anxiety, but lately I’m just not interested in interacting with strangers.

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?

• Conflict really causes me a lot of anxiety if it’s with someone I know or have to see in the future. In those instances, I usually just don’t end up in conflict with them: I’m pretty friendly and try to see people’s perspectives.
• If not, and it’s with a stranger, I kind of just ignore them.

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?

• Not sure. I kind of prefer doing what I’m doing now - the research and teaching aspects. I don’t really know what sort of value I’d be adding to the world with a business, but I suppose if I could find something that was both interesting for me and seemed to fill a needed niche, sure.
• I like the business Facsimile finder, they make medieval manuscript reproductions. Perhaps something like that, or creating a sort of community centre/third place (I used to think about owning a pub, back in my bartending days).

How do you dress or manage your appearance?

• I keep things pretty simple, and try to stick to classic clothes (rather than trendy). Timeless and simple, more or less. That being said, I enjoy colours, and try to model my wardrobe a bit off of an autumnal palate (I got really into colour season theory a couple of months ago briefly, and was “typing” all of my friends and myself, now I just use it when thrifting for new clothes).
• I pretty much exclusively get clothes either as gifts or through thrift stores. I sort of really dislike shopping otherwise.
• I take care of myself physically, and keep a simple but effective skincare routine and eat moderately healthy. It stresses me out when things like skincare have too many steps, though.

Do you like kids? Why or why not?

• Yeah, I think kids are nice. I appreciate how much potential they have and how good-hearted and imaginative they usually are. That being said, I don’t always find them particularly interesting, so I guess more of a generally benevolent ambivalence from my end.

In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?

• I’m pretty fulfilled right now, in all honesty. I have work that challenges me but is super interesting and allows (and pays) for lots of travel, I have a loving partner, I have a relatively secure future for the remainder of my PhD programme (minimum four more years).
• I do wish I had a better social circle right now though, but I honestly haven’t put enough effort in to build one (I have two social circles but we’re all busy/inconsistent).

Hey yalll me and my besty just finished streaming. We played the Forest. I love horrosurvival video games. Im the mama bear in the video game word kinda i will push her out the way to make sure I live. I have last night stream up. Please joun me today would mean alot to me. Have a good evening.
https://www.twitch.tv/hamsteroverlord25

I’m 50, 6’ tall, I work in healthcare IT and data analysis and host a podcast on cats and how to better the lives of homeless cats.
I’m on the border of queens and Nassau county.
Never hitched and no kids. Just me and the cats.
I’m funny, sarcastic, a touch jaded, and love to go out of my way for people I care about.
I watch way too much YouTube and meditate twice a day. My passions run from tech to history.
Looking for a real person ready to stop posting here like I am.
Let’s be fast friends and spend the summer exploring this amazing city of ours!
You can help me film content for my shelter cats podcast!

Had surgery recently (partial foot amputation ☹️) and have been stuck on the couch. On the upside, the end credits of “Unending” are rolling as I’m typing this.
After 25+ years and gods-know how many rewatches, I still love this show so, so much.
Going to have some brekky and start Atlantis.

I thought I would share my story here, because reading about everyone’s experiences has been so incredibly validating. So firstly; from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU everyone- in turn, I hope this helps someone, or that someone resonates with an experience, or adds to the collective consciousness of healing and realising that we deserve better. Because I need to believe that, I need to know this has been bad. I feel completely mental.
I’d like to start by saying this may not make sense and I’m a bit all over the shop rn and I apologise. And there are many, many things I could add to this that have added to the growing sadness and eggshell walking as the relationship went on, but I’ve tried to keep it small. I also want to say that you may be screaming at the screen wondering how I could be so stupid. And to that I say, me too. I am screaming at myself as well. As a 30-something year old woman, I acknowledge I was not the person I wanted to be in this situation. I wanted to be stronger.
I’m currently a couple of weeks out of my break up (or break up attempt 1 as I should probably put it, I’m still sending angry texts, receiving proclamations of love, wondering what if). I was with my nex (narcissistic ex) for nearly 7 years. We were meant to be getting married a week ago. For the last six months, my intuition had been telling me that a “friendship” he had with a coworker wasn’t right. This coworker was going through some stuff, and leant heavily on nex probably because he portrayed himself as a powerhouse at work who said whatever was on his mind and was always, always, always always right (newsflash he wasn’t). Nex has a saviour complex x1000 that I’d never let myself really think too hard about so he went hardcore “supporting her” and I sat on the sidelines thinking she needed that support. I won’t say anything about this girl but she’s not a girl’s girl. She’s a pick me. It kind of felt to me like- of course he’s not going to choose her, why would I worry about it. It’s too OBVIOUS. Like of course not? Look what we have.
Before this and during, Nex and I were planning on buying a house and were getting married (I was doing all the house saving, he had no idea about money but pretended he did, spent impulsively but was on a great salary, and I was doing all the wedding planning) and were planning on having a baby next year-ish. I had reached a point in my career that I was finally happy with, a career he said many shitty things about over our time together but it was the first thing he mentioned when talking to others and trying to impress. He had proposed at year 4 of the relationship (he always said he wouldn’t propose before 3 years because that’s how long his longest relationship was with his ex who he also cheated on). Red flag that yet again I ignored because I was different and this was different and I could change him and blah fucking blah.
Our relationship looked perfect. It really fucking did. I thought it was for a long time. I refused to think it wouldn’t be forever and wasn’t written in the stars. Behind the scenes, now I look back(ish) I realise I was struggling. I had raging PMS each month, often had depressive episodes that he would virtually ignore. I often struggled to watch movies where women had kind, funny and non reactive partners, I secretly envied my friends and their partners because they wouldn’t have to worry about what came out of their partner’s or their mouth next, or who their partner would fight with in the room, or how I would handle a public put down if he was in that mood or if I wasn’t handling myself perfectly. I walked on eggshells for years. I took his self aggrandising every day after work or sport as healthy self confidence. I was being slowly removed from my family as he argued with each one. He bragged about me and I felt like his trophy which I took as love and it gave me a false confidence I’d never had before when I was with him. When I spoke about him my inner voice said ‘wow, he really does sound great.’ His sister would often look at me and I felt like she always wanted to ask if I was really okay but I never let her. I had supported nex through addiction to weed/alcohol/substances of every kind (something I struggled to do because they have never been on my radar, just uninterested, and I was the bad person for that, I was the ‘child’ who wouldn’t immerse herself in the wonderful world of drugs), countless interpersonal issues at work and with his family, trying to support all sides, I had organised every home we had lived in, I organised cooking, cleaning, fun weekends, it was my goal to get him the most thoughtful and lovely presents I could find whenever I could. It was like it was my goal to be a fabulous girlfriend. I’m really not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I can say 100% honestly that I put all I could into making him feel loved. He used to call me a unicorn, I guess because I just did whatever he wanted. However, I felt like I was going to bed in tears more often than anyone should. I got to the point where I wouldn’t put eye cream on because I knew I was just going to cry it off. Every Sunday morning I got a bit triggered by our local coffee shop because I always felt like that was where we were trying to pick up the pieces emotionally after fighting the night before over absolutely anything. I found this taxing, because never had I had such a tumultuous relationship with anyone before and I was wondering wtf was happening. He, on the other hand, often said how much he enjoyed conflict and he loved the feeling of anger. He said it to everyone and I always laughed it off. He said he was so good at handling people and he charmed so well, as he is incredibly good looking. He had issues with everyone - his bosses, his friends, his coworkers, his neighbours. We were in couples counselling after I couldn’t be yelled at anymore, and he had told a friend of ours that it was for me and not for him. I chose not to believe he said that because this friend had had issues with him too and I thought it might’ve been an attempt from them of triangulation. I believe them now. I’m so sorry to that friend. Two of his friends sent me messages on seperate occasions asking me if I was okay, that I didn’t have to put up with this.
Something I am proud of is that I, often, when I felt strong, and my brain worked, didn’t play along with his ego without a fight. I DID play devils advocate for the other person when he had yet another interpersonal issue. I DID call out his dogmatism. I DID expect more from him, that he didn’t have to yell CUNT or WHORE every time something went mildly wrong. However, there are times when I didn’t. And it was because I was just fucking exhausted.
Two/three months ago, and after I found a deleted phone call from the other woman that he lied to my face about, I started watching his find my iPhone which we had turned on when I went overseas a couple of years earlier but I’d forgotten about. It felt gross doing, I didn’t want to, but I also tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my future, damn it, let’s see if I really am being ridiculous. One early morning while it was still dark, I felt him kiss me and say he was going to the gym. An hour later I woke up with an EERIE AS FUCK feeling and checked FMI. He was at her address. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I watched his car drive on FMI back to the gym and he conveniently called. I asked where he had been and he immediately gaslit me, said he was at the gym, FACETIMED ME TO SHOW ME and said that he couldn’t do my “jealousy” anymore. I broke down and told him I knew he had been at hers through FMI. He then started crying and said he visited her to call the friendship off “the right way” and that he told her that he cared for her but he had to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore and was too jealous. I bought it, as he never ever cried. I apologised. But from then on, my body was full of anxiety and pain. Life was on autopilot.
This happened a few other times. I had a weird feeling one afternoon on a Saturday when he said he was at the gym and had to pop into work to do some printing (not unusual). On autopilot, unable to feel emotions and probably looking completely mental, I got in my car, drove to the workplace, and saw both their cars outside. As I turned the corner to drive away, realising it HAD to be over now, you stupid bitch Charlie0987 it HAD to be over, I immediately got a call from him explaining away, can’t even remember what he said now. It’s not what you think, we have some important work to do that she can’t do alone, you’re jealous, she’s (the other woman) is angry that you even think anything is going on. I ended up apologising that night. Yep. However, at that point I did call off the wedding. I thought the wedding stress and money (literally, me fucking planning it, most of MY money) was the problem. I thought if we just eloped, we’d be okay. Calling everyone to call off the wedding while pretending to them and myself that it was all okay was fucked. I have no other way to describe it than completely and utterly fucked. He was then nice for a few days. I was heartbroken I couldn’t have the wedding I has envisioned, I didn’t let myself think of the love that was crashing down around me. Everyone asked me how the wedding planning was going, every day it was someone new. I had to pretend it was all fine and that we cancelled for financial reasons. It was hell. I will never again ask someone planning a wedding how the wedding planning is going until they bring it up with me.
All through this, I was supporting my friend with a very rare form of cancer (it doesn’t feel real typing this out, feels like some kind of shitty movie). I remember crying about it once on the couch and he said that my crying annoyed him, and that what the other woman had gone through was bad too. He said he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was too skinny (I was depressed and not eating) and cried too much and because I didn’t exercise and he was attracted to people that exercised (fair enough, but also fuck you). Still, through all this, I loved him, tried to be what he had loved about me for six years (compassionate and quiet) and told myself it was okay and it was a rough patch.
All through this, our couples counsellor was saying my attachment issue and abandonment issues was what was a huge part of the problem and that males and females have friendships and I needed to gtfo it. Like every human being I’m sure I have had fears of abandonment, and I do acknowledge I have relied on the safe feeling of men in the past. However, I NOW don’t think it was the main issue here. I don’t blame this counsellor if I’m honest, he was eating what was being fed to him by nex. And I wanted to believe it too. I was willing to work on myself and I was trying to see my anxiety for what I thought, and what I was being told, it was. Nex told me regularly when I asked him not to yell at me that I just didn’t understand real men.
A couple of weeks before D Day, nex asked for space to “miss me”. I went to my family, pretended he’d gone on a trip so I wouldn’t get asked why I was there, tried to show up for work, tried to be strong. I slept next to my wedding dress, still boxed. Those weeks were probably the worst weeks of my life. I didn’t know where he was, didn’t know who he was with, but we were still together, I didn’t eat, got medication to sleep, mindlessly partook in my hobbies to try to do the right thing and be the person he loved. He treated me like I was an annoying fly and either didn’t reply to messages or sent a few and then nothing. After four days of me barely eating and sleeping and looking like an emaciated ghost, I asked if I could come home (I loved our rental, it was such a safe space for me with my garden and my animals). He replied basically fine, and then for the rest of the week I was chastised for not giving enough space and that it wasn’t proper space. Couples counsellor agreed with him. A week later I said fuck it and went again, feeling a bit stronger this time. On day 3, I felt sick all day. I had a nap in the afternoon and felt dread. I had received no messages, but I messaged that I loved him that night. He love hearted it. I found out later he had been with her all day, but don’t worry, it was for a good reason he said. Intuition yet again picked that one up.
The next morning I got up, packed, and went home as it was our agreed upon day that I’d return. I said to him this is actually it, I can’t take this anymore. I am physically and mentally wrecked. It’s been six years. You’re a big boy. You’re either in it or you’re not. It was a big conversation, and we agreed that we would be in it together, the relationship was worth saving, and I would step back and agree to believe in his supportive friendship with this girl and no longer worry. He also agreed to tell me if he didn’t want to be together anymore, or if anything came up regarding this relationship with the girl. We set a date to elope for end of year. He went to the gym, and I remember saying to him I was so happy we’re choosing us. He kissed me and said me too. I felt elated and safe. I then re packed my bag, as I was taking my friend to her first cancer treatment the day after.
When he got back from the gym, he went to the shower. Now we had agreed with the couples counsellor not to check each others phones for a while. I had been okay with it, and didn’t have an issue leaving his phone. But once he got into the shower, my intuition, my chest, my body, SCREAMED at me to check his notes in his phone for the first time in weeks. I went into notes and found a text drafted to the other woman. It said something along the lines of “X and I have agreed to a break when she takes her friend to cancer treatment. I told her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore but I was to you. I’m feeling so over it now she’s home, I want more space” plus some other awful stuff that I’ve buried down and can’t quite remember. At no point, ever, did we agree to a break. I dropped his phone, went into the bathroom, and told him I was leaving. I can’t remember much of the next few moments. I do remember he turned it on me for looking at his phone, then him crying. I remember screaming, screaming screaming at him. I had raised my voice hardly ever in our entire relationship so I can imagine that was a moment for him. But I just screamed. I asked if he was planning on trying to sleep with her when I was with my friend for radiation. He nodded. He blocked me from the door to “talk” and tried to grab me into a hug. I screamed and screamed. I put (the most random shit btw, a dress, some acne cream, a book??) some things into a bag and I got into the car, howling. And I sat there a moment and I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
And I did. I drove away from our beautiful little secluded rental that I had poured my love into and was hoping to raise a baby in. I knew I couldn’t afford the rent alone but he can even with his pathetic spending habits and I can’t live in the place of our memories. I went to my family and fell apart. I’m not going to disclose further about my mental state or what happened but I got sent to be with other family for a couple of weeks in another state. He has been messaging me ever since. Promises of change, of moving away, of starting again, of selling a property that he bought before us and has sat doing nothing our entire relationship and was the reason we couldn’t buy our home, (frustrating that he reaps the reward of that now), saying he has blocked this other woman from his life (he still works with her and I refuse to believe he hasn’t had ongoing contact). Oh and on the day I drove to be with my family in another state, the universe decided to let my car meet her car, with him in it, at an intersection. He crouched down like the coward he is. She looked like a stunned mullet. I waved at her. I was hysterical. Can’t even remember it fully but I remember the feeling. That’s the love of my life in there with another woman. It. Was. Fucking. Hell. On. Earth. I still can’t believe that happened. What were actually the odds of that happening?
I’ve gone through so much anger towards her but I KNOW it’s misdirected. I’m slowly moving towards anger towards him. I haven’t messaged her telling her how my life has been destroyed and I won’t. I think she will thrive on it and she has a young kid who my heart bleeds for. And I have so much anger towards the series of events that had to happen in the first place and what feels like the wasted last 7 years of the best years of my life. I miss my home and my non-existent child and I miss arms around me. I miss him when he was nice. I hate that I don’t have what everyone else around me seems to have at this age, what I want so desperately. Please, please let me know I can get through this. Let me know I can’t go back. Please tell me this is abuse and it won’t get better because I am struggling to believe it. I’m also super fragile right now so if you want to say anything mean, just hold it for now and bring it to me later.
Love to you all. X

Hey reddit! I'm a 38 year old latin guy from Washington DC. Honesty is the best policy so I'll make it known now that I'm not looking for platonic friends, I'm looking for a romantic partner. Buckle up, because I'm about to unveil why I may or may not be the right partner for you in a classic listicle style that all you youngin's love.
About Me:
^{You'll never believe number 6!}

1. I'm a bit of a stoner. It's true, your boy loves himself some marijuana. (In fact, I just did a 20mg edible) I endeavor to never let it take over my life, but it aids a lot in #2 on this list. I'm also not a stranger to the very occasional mushroom trip.
2. I'm a true creative. Left to my own devices in an empty room, I would constantly create new things. Whether that be drawing, writings, photography, music or stoner ideas. It's my true nature to be a creative and to stifle that part of myself makes me pretty sad. Fortunately, I get to create on a daily basis. which brings me to..
3. I have the kindest heart. I see life through rose colored glasses, some may say. I just believe in the good in people. I think most people are good and those that are bad are redeemable. Whether someone is ultra religious, a different political affiliation, good, bad, ugly, whatever...I believe in getting to know them for myself and making my own decision of them. As a friend I always stick by my friends, no matter what. Friends in my life are friends for life, even if we lose touch. There is a downside to all this...it's that sometimes people take advantage of me. I don't care. When confronted with the choice to be loving or to be cruel or apathetic, I will always choose loving.
4. I make people laugh. Comedy and jokes have always been a part of me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a middle child and craved attention or the fact that I grew up in a city where I had to be quick on my feet, but I love to make people laugh. This is best done in person but there can be humor over the internet too. :)
5. I don't take myself too seriously. I'm a talented person in my field and it's important for me to let go of my ego. There isn't a single person that I can't learn from and at my best I'm always open to listen to people's opinions of me or my creative work.
6. I see beauty in everyone, including you. If you hadn't guessed by now, I'm a photographer. I'm into portraits and I value my connection with people one-on-one and I think that's what makes me a talented portrait photographer. I often hear people talk about the things they hate about themselves but try to reflect to them their true beauty. The beauty that was always there and that they need to be reconnected to.
7. I'm culturally Latino. My parents are from El Salvador, but I was born and raised in DC. I have the experience of being born into a family of immigrants and understand the duality of living in two different worlds. While Spanish was my first language, it is not what I consider to be my native tongue. While I understand all Spanish, all my Spanish is food related.
8. I've done the self work. It's true. I'm not a man that punches walls, gets drunk and cries, will cheat on you, lie to you or a myriad of other things that toxic people do. I am not without faults, of course, but I have worked my demons out for the most part. I'm very self-aware and open to criticism and change.
9. I'm honest 99.5% of the time. Anyone professing to be honest 100% of the time is a liar. Ask me directly and I'll tell you my last big lie.
10. I know where I want to be in life. I'm close to getting there too. I've been at it for 13 years now and I feel that success is imminent. Will you be a part of it?

So what are you waiting for? Dust off that old keyboard, pound away at a few keys, and get ready to embark on an unforgettable adventure brought to you by (as they said in my day) the world wide web.
P.S - I'm 6'2. I should've started with that.

I 44F have a 20 year old daughter who is soon to be 21. She has a boyfriend who is 28 years old. For the past several months, my daughter had been living with me. She had a roommate but asked to move back in so that she could save up enough money to get herself an apartment. I told her this is fine. I never charged my daughter any rent.
This is my issue. Her boyfriend is a loser. He has a job but always asks my daughter for money. It is small money, but he tells my daughter he will pay it back and never does or falls behind on his bills. He is a father of two, so I am sure he is not the most fortunate considering he has responsibilities. He has been dating my daughter for the past 7 months. I do not like him one bit. I also do not like my daughter leaving my home at 2am to hang out with him. My doors close at 11pm. I have other small children in my home and she will not be running around here with those low standards allowing men to see her on THEIR time. Sure, he sees her mornings also but I just don’t like him.
My daughter uses her cell phone talking to her boyfriend all hours of the day and night, this is annoying and disruptive to my household. I had had enough when lastnight I heard her on the phone with her boyfriend saying that they are planning a child and to become pregnant by “hopefully January” she also said she is tracking her cycle and when she gets her apartment in July, they will start trying more often. This really infuriated me, especially since my daughter does not need a child. I am disgusted.
When my daughter got off from work today, I explained that I heard her conversation, I yelled at her and told her she is disgusting given she had a pregnancy at 18 and didn’t go through with it. Why does she keep giving herself to all these guys? Does she really think she can just have a child? I told my daughter I wanted her out of my house by tonight, she had 2 storage bins and she folded all her things and left. I do not know where she went but I cut her cell phone off. He can pay it. She told me she will follow her dreams and be a mom, she wants someone to love on and she is beyond ready to be a parent. She also told me I am controlling and that she would never speak to me again. I told her that is fine, but I want you out of my house.
I am hoping she doesn’t go no contact, I love my daughter I was just i a rage of the moment. We have had a bad relationship and last time I told her to leave, I didn’t hear from her for a year. I understand I may have been harsh, but I believe all my points were valid. My daughter thinks otherwise. AITA?

How do you reverse Murphy's Law?
Or well, how do you stop that thoughts about all kind of discord you can imagine. Today I had a panic attack, and, I'm tired of this shit. I've been living like this for eight-seven years, and yeah, I'm gonna admit it, I attracted situations, people and events where they are guiding me towards my fear. I've been trying to improve since three years, and yet, I'm still trapped in a rut, this year, I closed some doors, and I'm glad to do it, but another habits I can't quit. I'm hopeless fearfully upset and I just don't know what to do anymore. it's like the worse it gets, the worse it gets. I can't stop masturbating, overtraining, overeating and overthinking. I don't want this shit. I want to live the life at fullest. I want to lose weight, regain my health at its fullest, have peace of mind and be successful, but I Study in something my parents want to, but I'm unhappy, I don't remember what it's to being happy and fulfilled. I just felt pure love in this Sunday, but that's it, in February, march and April got stomach issues, I still got em, but not so intense like the previous three months. How can I escape this? I've been trying break this but everytime I do, it gets worse and worse everyday. I feel lost and, I don't know what to do.

First and foremost if your here for the dad joke in the title here you go "Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize? Because he was out STANDING in his field" ... yeah alright I'll see myself out.
Well if you made it through that horrid opener then awesome! I'll list a random assortment of info about myself below.
Random Info: My name is Trae, I'm 32, im 5'10ish, i have brown hair and blue/green eyes (picture of said face and whatnot here https://i.imgur.com/i4ahRSX.jpg ) I moved to Vegas about a year ish ago so I'd love to find someone local! I work a ton, I was in the navy for 4ish years, when not working I'd like to say I'm a homebodywith tv/games etc whatever. (Can list a whole slew of games and tv etchere but ill save that for the "get to know you" phase etc) Cooking is one of my favorite hobbies and if I didn't go into the military I would have gone to culinary school for sure. I'm a hopeless romantic that tends to have a good sense of humor that tends to see the brighter side of life more then not finding something to always kinda just laugh at. Brighter side of life with a darker sense of humor, the best way to be I say! Lol
This is already getting to be a longer post and I'm a firm believer in getting to know a person so by all means feel free to shoot me a message or a chat! Can't wait to hear from some of you all <3 have a great day/night.

I'm sure many of you guys have experienced this. They could be the most attractive and charming person, but if he doesn't find the time to talk to me or hang out regularly, it just makes me feel unwanted. I get that some people just live very busy lives. I work 2 jobs and have commitments outside of work, but I always manage to find time to spend with my loved ones. I just feel that unless you work back to back 12 hr shifts, you can always make time for someone if you actually like them. And I don't even expect to see someone every day or talk on the phone for hours. I just want maybe a good morning/good night messages, checking in, something. And if you're busy, just say that it doesn't have to be so complicated.
My last relationship pretty much ended because he wouldn't communicate and would ignore my messages to the point I got tired of feeling like I had to beg just to talk to my bf. Maybe people will say I'm desperate for attention, but I feel it's just the bare minimum for a relationship.

I’ll probably delete this but I feel really confused and conflicted about it all. My bf (m 28) hasn’t texted me (f19) in five months. We were dating online I guess but we already discussed meeting up and living together in the future so it could be considered long distance. I’ve known him since I was 17 (but didn’t say anything about my age until 18 so I don’t wanna hear anything about grooming) and we’ve been happy and stuff. Then last year he wasn’t texting me as much and he told me he lost his job and was going to be homeless and he would text me every month to update me and tell me that he still loves me and wants to be with me but things are hard….then he stopped and I don’t know what happened or what to do :(

Hey there, I'm looking for someone new to talk to with the possibility of it becoming something more! (as the title says, I do prefer much larger body types as they're cute to me, but please know I'm not looking for sexual chat!) I really love learning about people, and would love to learn about someone new, about their passions and interests, and have someone who loves doing the same in return! I ideally would like to talk on discord eventually!
As the title says, I'm definitely more of a nerd than anything, haha. I love reading, cooking and baking, video games, and generally more homebody hobbies. I currently live in California and I'm going to start my first year of College this fall! To describe myself, I'm around 5'10, dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and I'm on the chubby side myself (although I'm losing weight, down 10 pounds and counting!). I'm also asexual, so I'd like someone who's okay with that!
For a partner, I'd ideally want someone genuine and caring, and while not required, it'd really help if you shared some of my hobbies! I don't have many appearance preferences, tbh!

As context I have anxiety issues and on november of the past year my group of friends (which i considered my family) basically broke up with me for some personal problems, I know it's a strange to describe it as a break up but that's how I felt.
Anyway, I kept going and started making new and better friends, but we were on a point on school which was a little hard being included on other groups, I am a very socially awkard person and I have being like these upon my childhood, so it was hard. Now at days I can say I have more friends but I feel like they are shallow, I can´t really laugh truly with them.
Don't misunderstand me, I have a fun time with them, but I kind of miss feeling part of a family or a group, like with the friends I mention at first. Specially when i have always felt like I am that replaceable fiend, or the annoying one, that one friend who is never called to hang out and who has to be asking.
Im i being being a crying baby for feeling like these although i have better friends that love me?
​

hello. English is not my first language but i feel like i can express myself better with it for some reason so sorry for any mistakes or spanglish.
I (21f) was adopted by my overall great parents, had a great childhood until i was like 8 when my parents got divorced. My mom had been having some emotional desregulations since she got diagnosed with leuchemia while pregnant with my big brother seven years before i was born, my bro was born all good and she overcame the leuchemia but she started taking meds at that point i believe. I have always been protected from the whole situacion by my dad and my bro, who I owe so much, but im pretty sure after the divorce my mom just went kinda manic and was horrible abusing pills (sleeping pills i believe) and mixing them with alcohol. at the time beign 8 9 10 i just had no clue why everytime i saw my mom we were with her sister or her mom, my grandma, but now i believe its because she wasnt in a state to be left alone with me. i dont remember much for all those years, i didnt see my mom much. we reconnected when i was around 13 because she was "better" but she put me through some really horrible situations every time i saw her and now i can tell its because she was high or drunk. so it was like that for my teen years, she would be ok, i would visit her, maybe stay at her house, and the she would go sicko again. i learned to live wih it, I had my dad and was good with that cause its the only love i've always known i guess. I never had a great bond with her but we were "ok" fot my last years of high school, and then i moved away for university.
My relationship with her actually got better, basically because we saw each other once a year and called when i wanted to. She was better, or so i believed, until she visited me for the fisrt time 2 months after i moved. New city, didnt have any close friends or family nearby. That day was crazy, we went to the hairdresser and she left early because she was having an argument with her partner at the time, I went back to my apartment an hour maybe 2 after her and when I got there she was the drunkest i had ever seen her, also I was 18 so understood perfectly what was happening, i think thats the worst part. I tried to get her to go to sleep while i had my brother on the phone giving moral support (he has always had to take such a protective rol with me and act like an adult and the father of our mom.) but thats when it all just when to hell. my mom was talking shit to my like i didnt love her, never texted her and just talked to her when i needed money, and that i wasn`t her daughter since i wasn`t born from her, that my brother was his only child and the only one that gave a shit about her. and honestly after that day and situation was handled i stayed with that in my mind, i know what she said is horrible, maybe she didnt even mean it, but i think its right. i have never told her anything significant from my life because i honestly think i dont care about what she has to say about me, she didnt raise me, she just financially supported me, got on my good side with material things, apologise for all the shit she did with all that. and i think the only reason i still have contact with her is because of the money, im a student and i dont what my dad to have to support me alone when shes willing to help, i know she loves me and wants the best for me in her way but i just cant get over all the shit she has done. i also havent gone to therapy or talked in depth with anyone about it, i know thats what i should do.
Anyways, what lead me to finally write all this down is because today talking to her she told me she wanted to off herself last week. it hit me like a train. again, i dont know how to feel about my relationship with her, if i want to have any at all, but then she tells me this, that shes all alone and that no one loves her, I just cant not tell her that i love her and that im here for here. I know shes probably a narcissist, along with bipolar and any other diagnosis honestly.
So yeah, im in a pretty shit place with this so i wanted to get it off my chest, if anyone has any advice or comment im all ears.

Hey! My name is Cris I am 25 y/o from Spain looking for someone to share my life with.
About me: I love road trips, animals, nature, travelling, cooking... I am a cheesy geek Guy Who loves giving and receiving affection. As per my job I can work wherever I want. I have lived in Finland and Norway.
About you: you are chill and cheesy, I prefer girls that are shorter than me ( I am 1,78m) and have pale skin, bonus points if you can swear in spanish, you teach me you language and have a stupid sense of humor.
Please introduce yourself a bit when sending a message and don't be shy to ask for a picture!
Also please please please, no ghosting or disappearing my weak heart have had enough...I just want someone to love...
Wishing you all a lovely day ahead.

Grew up with a helicopter mum and a dad who is probably the most emotionally immature and narcissistic person I’ve met in my life.
I spent my whole life being a pretty ok Asian daughter but in recent years have started to resent them. They’re judgemental of the choices I make in my life and don’t really have their own lives. They rely solely on my sibling and I for life admin too.
I’m at a point where I’m trying to do what I want but there’s a nagging feeling I can’t get rid of (perhaps guilt?). For those who are older, I’d love some realistic advice if you’ve gone through something similar before!

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We moved in with each other at around 9 months and things have changed between us significantly.
Initially my partner was incredibly attentive, was always wiling to listen to my good and bad days, thoughtful, considerate, romantic, understanding etc. Things were pretty good with us! I was shocked because I hadn't really experienced this type of relationship before. We had small tiffs but we were always able to talk about things and sort it out. Our sex life was pretty good! We both liked pleasing each other.
It was almost a immediate change since we moved in. My boyfriend became pretty distant, to me it seemed like he didn't really like having me around. I tried giving him space and you know let him figure out his routine. His work was pretty busy, as was mine. I was burnt out from work maybe a month into us living with each other. My sex drive reduced.
We still had sex maybe once a week, and occasionally twice a week. But admittedly I did start getting frustrated because my partner initiated sex every day, even though I had mentioned to him that my sex drive has reduced and I'm not overly keen on sex right now. A lot of the time I felt obliged and wasn't really into it. He also had changed a fair bit, and the only effort he really put in, was to hace sex (and even so it wasnt much effort and I didn't orgasm 80% of the time)
I noticed he stopped really taking interest in my life, stopped putting effort in with my family, he would often be on his phone when I was telling him things, we stopped going on dates. He knows I appreciate having a meal together, so I try to plan my dinner with his but often he would eat without me. We didn't do anything for our one year anniversary, I did plan a dinner but I ended up cancelling it because my partner was disinterest and indifferent to it. He seems to only compliment me physically (either my tits or ass) and rarely anything outside of that. It almost felt like he started to resent me and I wasn't really sure why. A few days ago I had a pretty scary road rage incident where someone ran me off the road and threatened me with a knife. My boyfriend said he would help me with the police report because I was really distraught. He never ended up helping me, he also didn't really seem to care that this happened. It was a bit shit, I thought he would have some sort of concern in regard to it but there wasn't. I got mad and vented my frustrations about his huge behaviour change since we've been living together.
He told me he kind of checked out emotionally when I wasn't really keen on sex. (I'd like to add that my sex drive improved since I started working normal hours again, which was about 2 months ago, so we have sex about 3 times a week) Hes told me that he doesn't feel these things intrinsically naturally ( like caring when bad things happen to your partner). But I feel like a lot of those things come pretty naturally if you love someone
My gut feeling is that, he doesn't actually love me, and wants someone to have sex with regularly. He does take steriods as well btw. If I don't keep up with him sexually he just disconnects, I don't want to feel like I have to have sex to have a present partner that cares for me. I used to feel cared and loved by him but now its like he's someone else.
What does this mean ?
tl;dr Boyfriend seems like a different person since we've moved in together. Only puts effort into having sex. It's left me incredibly confused, as he was someone I considered caring, thoughtful and pretty switched on. Now it feels like he resents me if I don't have sex or stay happy all the time

How do you reverse Murphy's Law?
Or well, how do you stop that thoughts about all kind of discord you can imagine. Today I had a panic attack, and, I'm tired of this shit. I've been living like this for eight-seven years, and yeah, I'm gonna admit it, I attracted situations, people and events where they are guiding me towards my fear. I've been trying to improve since three years, and yet, I'm still trapped in a rut, this year, I closed some doors, and I'm glad to do it, but another habits I can't quit. I'm hopeless fearfully upset and I just don't know what to do anymore. it's like the worse it gets, the worse it gets. I can't stop masturbating, overtraining, overeating and overthinking. I don't want this shit. I want to live the life at fullest. I want to lose weight, regain my health at its fullest, have peace of mind and be successful, but I Study in something my parents want to, but I'm unhappy, I don't remember what it's to being happy and fulfilled. I just felt pure love in this Sunday, but that's it, in February, march and April got stomach issues, I still got em, but not so intense like the previous three months. How can I escape this? I've been trying break this but everytime I do, it gets worse and worse everyday. I feel lost and, I don't know what to do.

First and foremost if your here for the dad joke in the title here you go "Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize? Because he was out STANDING in his field" ... yeah alright I'll see myself out.
Well if you made it through that horrid opener then awesome! I'll list a random assortment of info about myself below.
Random Info: My name is Trae, I'm 32, im 5'10ish, i have brown hair and blue/green eyes (picture of said face and whatnot here https://i.imgur.com/i4ahRSX.jpg ) I moved to Vegas about a year ish ago so I'd love to find someone local! I work a ton, I was in the navy for 4ish years, when not working I'd like to say I'm a homebodywith tv/games etc whatever. (Can list a whole slew of games and tv etchere but ill save that for the "get to know you" phase etc) Cooking is one of my favorite hobbies and if I didn't go into the military I would have gone to culinary school for sure. I'm a hopeless romantic that tends to have a good sense of humor that tends to see the brighter side of life more then not finding something to always kinda just laugh at. Brighter side of life with a darker sense of humor, the best way to be I say! Lol
This is already getting to be a longer post and I'm a firm believer in getting to know a person so by all means feel free to shoot me a message or a chat! Can't wait to hear from some of you all <3 have a great day/night.

Obviously you guys can’t diagnose me, I’m not too interested in a formal diagnosis anyway I’ll be fine when I lock in, I’m just curious.
I'm (19m) extremely introverted; I have no friends, I haven't had a genuine conversation with anyone outside my family in at 4 years, even with family I treat them more like coworkers/acquaintances and I've never been in a relationship. I've never “felt” lonely though; I mean I recognize that interpersonal connection is a huge part of the human experience and I do want to experience it but I’m not suffering due to the lack of, if anything I’m more so disappointed in the fact that I know people will look at me weird for not having been in a relationship or been close with anyone rather than actually not having done it. The lack of an urge to talk to people paired with my increasingly deteriorating social skills and my hypervigilance in social situations makes interactions an overall net negative.
It feels like I’m watching my life from an outside perspective. Not in a dissociative way but in the sense that I’m constantly in my head, not experiencing life but analyzing it, judging it. Like I'm not emotionally connected to life, I just look at circumstances on paper and determine how I should feel from there. I feel like this makes it hard for me to emotionally attach to anything or anyone. I just kinda don’t care, good or bad nothing really evokes much of an emotional reaction out of me, I haven’t been able to cry since I was like 11, no matter what happens, what I watch, what I listen to, what I ruminate on, nothing can make feel sadness. Maybe this is normal but I feel like everyone else feels things with more depth; like I can like things but I don't love things. I still get irritated and angry, I still laugh and feel short term joy but idk nothing leaves an emotional imprint.
I also have a strong aversion to emotional vulnerability, I have a problem with—not maladaptive daydreaming but maladaptive philosophizing if that makes any sense. Like I'm not building a fantasy world in my head but still detaching from present reality via thoughts. Personally I feel like these traits stem from never having an emotional connection to any of my parental figures; narcissistic grandma (maternal figure) and addict father.