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More and more I’ve been falling into my depression harder where it’s becoming much more of a climb to get out of it and things seem ever so pointless. I’m in therapy, take medication for my depression, am active (I workout every day and am down nearly 50 pounds from my highest weight and am maintaining while building muscle with a personal trainer), eat well ( I eat high protein/high carb with an average 15-17% fat intake), take my dogs for a walk outside most days, have a job I do well at and pays ok, am in a stable and loving marriage, and socialize during my exercise fitness classes, as well as doing a coffee date once a week. I work from home along with my partner and life just feels so unlivable as my job doesn’t use up a lot of my energy (I rarely work a full day based on work I have) and can find weekends the hardest as it feels there is nothing to look forward too or do. We moved to a new city near beginning of 2023 that has a population of 14000/15000 so there isn’t always a lot to do outside of the breweries/bars and some watesnow sports. I’m not a big drinker, and feel anxious on the water and usually hibernate during the winter. This city is known to have cliches of friend groups that I have heard from several people that have moved here and discussed how hard it is to make friends. I have tried bumble but most people ghost or don’t make an effort to meet/stop texting/don’t try to get to know one another. I’ve never felt I had a best friend but I’ve had friends but the ones I have have either moved away from the state or are 3+ hours away which has affected my feeling of being seen and wanted if that makes sense? I have my masters in a business specific area that I thought would make me happy, but I’ve met retaliation, toxic workplaces and jobs that make me feel like I do more harm than good. I’m in my late 20s and have no idea what I want to do, or what my purpose could be in life and thinking about staying alive until 30 sounds like an uphill battle. My therapist tells me I’ll be truly happy when I can find that thing that fuels me but I’ve tried and tried to find it. I took the career quizzes, talked to people, changed my major after undergrad for my masters and nothing has clicked. My partner has moved cities and even a state so I can have job opportunities that were “supposed to make me happy” which haven’t panned out. My partner makes much more than me, and is the reason I’m even able to afford therapy/the health changes I’ve made so with still having student loans if I was to go back to school it feels like this needs to be it and would have to be the final thing because I can’t keep messing up. I just don’t know what to do.

TLDR; This guy I don’t really know clearly has feelings for me. He seems sweet but I’m hesitant because I’m trans and his parents are apparently conservative. Guy is also trying a bit too hard and recently tried to impress me by potentially lying about being a fan of theater.
Heya, so I’m curious to see what people’s thoughts are on a little… situation I’m in. I (transmasc Junior) realized recently that a classmate (male Junior) almost certainly has feelings for me. I’ll call him “Kay” for now. Let me explain.
In my 6th period, I don’t really interact with people much. I’m certainly not shy, but it’s one of those core classes that has a mix of everyone and non of your usual crowd, so you end up struggling to make friends. Theres this small group of guys that I get along fairly well with, they’re accepting of my identity, really chill, and just the kind of dorks that I love surrounding myself with. Because I’ve always sorta had those four, I’ve never breached out to the rest of the class. Which is why it was unusual when another guy (who istg I had NEVER interacted with) approached me while we were changing seats for assigned groups and suddenly said hi. This is Kay.
It was a simple greeting and I thought nothing of it. I asked if he was in my assigned group, and he didn’t really respond and awkwardly shuffled away. Alright, a little weird, but nothing harmful and I forgot about it.
Two days later, the whole class is waiting outside for our teacher to show up and open the door. Kay suddenly approaches me and asked how I was. Reminder that I DON’T KNOW THIS GUY. I didn’t even know his NAME until a week after our first interaction when I overheard the teacher call him. He knew mine though, and I ended up feeling ridiculously guilty for it for that week I was trying to figure out what was happening.
Anyway, I digress.
When he asked me how I was, I was honest and told him I was looking forward to going home because of how tired I was from rehearsals. He asks about what I was rehearsing for, and I explained that I’m in my theater classes’s final show where we host it entirely on our own. But because of how little time we were given, we’ve been hauling ass with rehearsals that last from right after school until 7:30 at night. Then he did something that no one has ever done to me before:
He asked me to save him a ticket. He WANTED to go to this play I was in. No one besides immediate family ever wanted to go to a production I was in. Like… fuck, okay, if that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is. I told him that I’d let him know when tickets went live.
Flash forward to that following Monday, our teacher spontaneously decided to change up the seating layout in her classroom and told people to sit wherever they wanted that day. I took a random seat and Kay sits, not next to me, but like a table over. I guess trying to not be too obvious? But then he hits me with this ringer “Hey Evan! How was your weekend” It was alright “Did you go to prom?” (Prom was that previous weekend)
Woah.
Now that felt like he just asked me if I was single.
So I tell him “Nah, not this year. But I will next year, for sure.”
His response? “Oh! Well, if you’re not going with anyone, maybe we could go together next year?” Then followed by the quick backtrack of: “As friends!”
Oh. Oh he is stupid. But it’s a kind of cute stupid that I don’t actually mind all that much. It’s sort of endearing how silly it is.
We don’t interact too much after that, I would note that during a class debate where we were split into two teams, he and I happened to be on the same team. Really, I was the only one on my team debating (and, not to brag, but to totally I won my team the debate and I was arguing the opposite of what I actually believed in), but he was the only one who tried to pitch in. Now what he said was out of pocket and didn’t match the stance I was going with at all, but it was sweet how he tried to help. He even leaned over after everything was said and done and thanked for winning the debate for my team.
Really, he seems sweet, but I barely know him. All I know is that he’s in the Medical Technology classes (based on how he wears scrubs once in a while) and apparently plays Call of Duty because he asked if I played. I might download it, just in case he asks again. I’m not the type to fall head over heels quickly. It takes me time. Especially as a trans guy who needs to be careful who they befriend and date because I never know what someone’s opinions of me or my identity is. Or if they even realize I am trans. I dress rather androgynous, leaning towards masculine, and my hair goes down to my collar bone in a sort of wolf-cut mullet thing. I’m short. I don’t passes very well, a lot of people tend to think I am just a bit androgynous rather than transmasc. I should be starting hormone replacement therapy later this summer, but this guy doesn’t know that. Sure I’m not traditionally feminine in the slightest and he has to be okay with that if he’s got a thing for me now. But does he know to what extent that goes? Is he just hoping for a tomboy girlfriend and not a boyfriend? Fuck, man, I don’t know.
With Kay, I’m particularly concerned because when I brought this up in my Theater class, I got two different responses which were not… great. One of my classmates literally squealed “EW!” because apparently he wasn’t a great guy in middle school. But I’m willing to see past that since that was 3+ years ago. People change and middle school tends to bring out the worst in everyone (middle schoolers are VICIOUS). But then my teacher had this sort of “Oh no…” kind of look. She explained that he’s a sweet guy, but his family is also extremely conservative. However, his older brother is apparently gay, so there’s that. Does he take after his brother or his parents? I genuinely have no clue, but I am praying to whatever got that is out there that he’s the former.
So yeah. Terrified of giving this guy a chance. I’m not disinterested, I want to give it a chance, get to know him before deciding how I feel because I literally have no way of knowing until we can have actual conversations beyond “how was your day?”
Then there’s today. We had another short “how are you” conversation and I told him I was stressed (again, because of my show), and he laid it on heavy that he was hoping to go, and I told him “Yeah! I remember you asking me to save you a ticket, but I’m not confident in its quality right now. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a theater production, but if you haven’t I wouldn’t want this one to be your first.”
He responds with: “Oh no, it’s not my first time, I’ve seen Hamilton and the nutcracker and stuff like that. I like theater.”
I was so excited at first because I thought he genuinely had an interest in Theater, but then a minute later I realized we saw both of those shows in our history class: one was Hamilton on Disney+ and we watched it when we were learning about the Revolution and what not, the other was when we saw a Ballet troupe perform the Nutcracker in our theater because our teacher was a guest dancer in it.
This. Mother fucker. Pretty much lied to my face to impress me. I don’t know if I should feel flattered that he’s trying so hard or insulted that he thought I’d fall for it.
I don’t even know how I feel. I almost want to just call him out and tell him to just ask for my number instead of trying to be someone he’s not to impress me. I might just do that. I’ll think about it.
Anywho, give me your thoughts on the situation. I’m at a loss, and tbh, my friends aren’t being the most helpful. Meanwhile my mom is telling me to play hard to get, which just feels cruel considering how hard he’s already trying.

So, I just got through watching One Piece and I have a few theories. To be honest, I haven’t looked to deep into what's already out there, besides just clarifying some facts for myself online so feel free to show me some things that I have missed. It’s possible some of this is already circulating around. I really just want to try and put my ramblings into one place. Spoilers for One Piece!
Ok, so there's a few separate theories to this but most of it has to do with Blackbeard and his motivations. One thing I find interesting is that Blackbeard, even since he was a part of Whitebeards crew, has been looking for very strong devil fruits and seems to have intimate knowledge of the ones he is seeking. The first one he sought out was the Dark-Dark fruit which among other things seems to be capable of stopping, and possibly stealing other devil fruit powers. One of his crew members, Shiryu, was seen to have the Clear-Clear fruit ability which already belonged to another character. I have to assume he knew about this before he found and acquired this fruit. Which begs the question, why does he know so much about this fruit? He is now able to use that power to steal powers for himself and his crew. We haven't gotten confirmation that the Dark-Dark fruit can do this, but just like a lot of things about this post, I’m going to be assuming that this is the case. In stealing these devil fruit abilities, he has to be very aware of not only what these fruits can do but who is currently using them. Law, in a recent episode, even alludes to the fact that he is hunting down devil fruit users. Now Burgess has the Strong-Strong fruit. Again, where is he getting this information? He obviously knew what Whitebeards devil fruit was capable of from the time he spent with him, and decided that of all the devil fruits he could have, he wanted that ability. Granted, it is an incredibly strong fruit, one worthy of an emperor of the sea, but with his intimate knowledge of devil fruits there had to be a reason Teach went after that one for himself. I think I have a possible answer.
Now this next part, I think is a common theory floating around out there but it is necessary for the rest of what is to come. Teach is one of the only people we have seen have multiple devil fruit abilities. This is crazy enough in itself, but if you notice, he stopped at just the two. Why not just take many devil fruit powers for himself and become the strongest out there? I think it's because he has the Zoan type Cerberus fruit. I mean, his jolly rodger is a Cerberus head. This could possibly make him three beings in one, allowing him to have three devil fruits. A Zoan type Cerberus fruit, a Paramecia fruit in the Quake-Quake fruit, and a Logia in the Dark-Dark fruit. Teach is smart. I think a big part of his motivations led him to intimately knowing about the powers of these three fruits. He knew if he acquired the Cerberus fruit then he could hold three devil fruit abilities and somehow figured out where that fruit was. Then I think he knew that if he joined Whitebeard for long enough he would eventually be led to the Dark-Dark fruit and be able to steal other abilities which were already taken. Then, once he had the opportunity he stole the most important fruit for his purposes, the quake-quake fruit.
Making even more assumptions, we need to look at the ancient weapon Pluton. What we know now is that Pluton is a world ending weapon, specifically a ship that was built a long time ago in Water 7, and that those blueprints were passed down until they reached Franky. We also just found out that it is sunken beneath Wano. Wano is a country that has massive walls built around it. The ancient settlement far below what is now Wano is where the ship actually resides, and those walls would need to be broken to retrieve the ship.
Now we're gonna talk a bit about the World Government. Specifically in regard to the Five Elders. Each one is named in some way after a planet in our solar system. St. Topman Warcury (Mercury), St. Ethan Baron V. Nusjuro (assuming the V. is for Venus), St. Marcus Mars (Mars), St. Shepard Ju Peter (Jupiter), and St. Jaygarcia Saturn (Saturn). The three ancient weapons are the rest of the planets. Uranus, Poseidon (Which the roman name would be Neptune), and Pluton (or Pluto). Poseidon, we know is also a person, Shirahoshi. It would make sense that Uranus and Pluton were also actual, physical people. But Pluton is a ship. However, we have seen before that ships in the One Piece world can have their own spirits, or personas. This has been shown with the Going Merry and the Sunny. The exact lore behind how this happens isnt totally clarified and so I think there are things about it we haven’t been told yet. It's possible that Pluton is not just a magnificent war ship but also holds the spirit of what may have been one of these Elders of the World government. Some kind of all encompassing power that has had major effects on the world in the past.
Now, going back to Blackbeard for a sec, if he does have a Cerberus devil fruit that has more interesting implications. Cerberus is the hound of Hades, the three headed dog that guards the entrance to the underworld. Another name for Hades is Pluto. It is very possible that Blackbeard works for this ancient weapon and that with the powers he has acquired, specifically with the quake-quake fruit, he intends to break the walls of Wano and finally release Pluton. He is, afterall, not too far from Wano at this very moment. It is possible that Pluton has been behind all of Blackbeards motives and actions.
Not only that, but Hades, the guardian of the underworld, is in a way the devil himself. I also think that not only is Pluton a person as well as a ship, but he is the original creator of the devil fruits. This might be one way to explain Blackbeards intimate knowledge of so many devil fruits including where to find them. Now, among the celestial bodies of our solar system that I listed, two were not accounted for. That was Earth and the Sun. I think the Sun is obvious to find. Joyboy. Nika the sun god. But then we have Imu, this new character who seems to be the head of it all. Umi, or Imu backwards, in Japanese means “the sea”. The whole world of One Piece is covered in the sea. So Imu could perhaps be our very own home planet, or at least some kind of embodiment of it. Now, if all of these Elder, these god like beings have some kind of dominion over different aspects of the world, then here is the conclusion to my theory.
Pluton and Imu at some point got into a big fight, likely over the creation of devil fruits. Imu took Plutons spirit and sealed him away in this world ending ship and then sunk him to the bottom of the sea, beneath Wano, putting up those walls to keep him there, and then declaring that all devil fruit users would be cursed by the sea, which he rules over.
Anyway, that's just some thoughts I had, but please help me fill in any things I might be missing and let me hear your ideas on all of this!

Title basically. A little over a month ago me and my wife went to visit family for a couple days. I went home and she ended up staying down to see more family. Long story short, she stayed down for an entire month, told me she wanted a divorce because she says I emotionally abused her, she has nothing of her own, that I’m not masculine enough and has waited to long for me to get it right.
I go through her phone and find text exchanges between her and another man. Turns out during the month she was gone she was sleeping with said man. On top of that I find screenshots of Plan B orders. To make things worse I find a pregnancy test wrapper (not the test). She already admitted to sleeping with somebody else but has not told me about this.
Not sure how to even approach this. I wouldn’t put it past her to take away as much as she can from me in court if I upset her. I don’t have solid proof because I didn’t have enough time to take screenshots and send them to myself. Do I play nice until the divorce is finalized or bring it up? She wants an amicable divorce for now but I haven’t signed anything yet.

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
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So a little back story
I've never had many friends my whole life. In school I only had a couple and I always hated watching my siblings, cousins and everyone else go out with friends and I was just sitting home bored. Even what friends I did have didn't really want to hang out or go do anything. I had birthday parties where no one showed up and I was in tears. To this day I only have one friend who will continue to talk to me and actually hang out. Ive tried to make new friends but it doesn't work and ive tried to connect with old friends but they say they're busy working then I see them out with other people. Ive wanted to be able to hang with friends so bad since I was in school.
So my issue is that I tend to get rather annoying texting and calling my one friend wanting to talk or hang out with them. They have a job and im a stay at home mom so I get really bored. I love spending time with my hubs and little one but I just really want to go out with friends. I understand that my friend works and can't always talk to me and I try not to be annoying but always end up annoying the crap out of them. I thought maybe if they gave me a little more time (we talk like a couple times a week and hang out like once a month if that) then I would be able to settle down a little so I brought it up to them but they had no response to that.
So my question is how do I not be so annoying to my friend when it drives me crazy that I'm just sitting home bored?

I (35F) want to leave my abusive husband (32M combat veteran) so badly but I don't know the best way to do it. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm begging for help, insight, any reassurance...
He says he used to have major anger issues but I never thought he would take them out on me. He has PTSD and a traumatic brain injury which makes his moods unpredictable.
I talked to his ex two days ago and she said he shoved her once, put his hands around her neck during a flashback, and also had a gun pointed at her during a flashback. He said they were engaged but she insisted they never were. She also said he was supposed to pick her up from the airport one time but he texted back saying he couldn't, because he wasn't sure if he was going to do something bad to her.
His abuse started when we moved in together while we were still engaged. I found out he had been on Onlyfans at the beginning of our relationship and just shortly before we got married... I was angry but I downplayed it and thought I could get over it. All it did was cause massive trust issues that have never healed and never will. He was subscribed to one of his exes and he also messaged one of the girls asking to meet just shortly after I stayed the week at his place for my birthday.
I spiraled mentally once the anger phase passed (severe depression and anxiety) and told him what I saw. He tried to deny it but when I said I knew his "pictures" he caved and said he wished I never told him and punched the headboard of our bed. He's my only source of comfort so I went to him countless times telling him I was still struggling with my trust issues and worried about whether he was still looking at other women, because he is subscribed to tons of women like that on Instagram and Tiktok. I started snooping looking for any evidence I could get so I could finally convince myself to leave him.
Everytime I confronted him about what I saw he made excuses and flew into a rage at me for snooping, screamed in my face, threw objects and furniture around (including our wedding rings and he broke my engagement ring in the process), punched walls, threatened divorce, demanded me to leave, or walked out without saying where he was going which made me call the police one time to look for him. I blamed myself because I was the one snooping and I told myself how would I feel if my partner constantly snooped on me? I blamed myself for everything and still kind of do. But he says it's his fault I'm like this and he just has to deal with the consequences.
Other times he says he has changed and it's my fault for getting in my head all the time, that my lack of trust is always so hard on him, and that my depression and anxiety are constantly dragging him down even though he says he's doing everything right to make me feel better. When I come to him to talk he usually sighs or treats it like a chore.
He says he beats himself up everyday for what he did and has apologized multiple times. But I never see any true regret. He told me "everybody else gets over their problems, why can't you?" He says he went through so much worse in the military than I have ever gone through and he got over his problems, so why can't I? That I need to "unfuck" myself and "everybody has depression."
One day when he came home I was feeling very low but he was in a bad mood already and he came at me, screaming that he's getting tired of me always being down and threatened divorce. I asked if he hated me and he looked at me and said in a really frightening way "if I hated you you'd be dead." That crushed me. Another time I got mad and said I was this way because of what he did to break my trust and he screamed at me multiple times to STFU, "waaah waaah waaaah you're always a Debbie downer" and threw in my face "you have no friends." He said he was done with the marriage but I talked him into staying because he has me so convinced the problem is me.
Other things... rough/forceful/demeaning sex... always saying "fuck you baby" in a cutesy way as a way to interact when we're doing our own things separately... slamming a controller down on my knee accidentally because he flew into a rage over losing a game... continuing to yell and saying he wasn't allowed to express anger even when I said it was scaring me... telling me once "I don't THINK I'd ever hurt you" (physically)... almost never helping with house chores and shopping... using me for money even though he makes more than I do with his disability payments... insulting my mother who helps us financially... trying to kick my cat one night when he couldn't sleep.
He's always so mean and critical of complete strangers when we go out and he acts like a macho narcissist who has everything figured out and he knows the right way about everything, like someone who is super opinionated to an obnoxious extent.
There's more but this is the worst of it all.
I read Lundy Bancroft's book asking myself if he's really that bad because 90% of the time he's good and loving. I know what I'm involved in and I know how much I've trauma bonded with him. But I've reached the point where I wake up every day in panic and despair knowing I'm still here and I want to get out. I already tried to leave before with a go bag and my cat but he talked me back. Some days I still try to convince myself the good times are worth staying for because I'm exhausted and I just want a good day for once. I've been miserable for months but I'm a pressure cooker now just waiting to blow. I'm falling apart.
I know I'm going to talk to a divorce lawyer and at least see if I have a case to have him evicted through a PFA. In that case he would be moving back in with his dad but he'd be close by. I could get the locks changed but I wouldn't put it past him to stalk me and try to hurt me (PFA or not -- he is suicidal anyway and has a lot of contempt for laws and the police), vandalize my car, or try to break into the apartment to hurt me or my cat. I don't even know if I would still be happy here where all these bad memories happened. And I wouldn't feel safe for myself or my cat everytime if I left the apartment.
The only other option is moving back in with my alcoholic narcissistic mother (my abusive alcoholic scizophrenic brother lives with her too) who doesn't know how to provide emotional support and hasn't been supportive at all throughout this marriage except financially. I would have to live in her garage, trust her not to let my cat loose if I go out, and make multiple trips back to my abusive husband still in the apartment to get all my belongings and furniture. He doesn't work, he's on school break now for summer so he's always here. I know I can get a police escort but they're not going to wait around for me to pack up the entire place. Almost everything is mine.
My husband might even just volunteer to leave and move back in with his dad like he has done before. I might not even need a PFA. I'm more afraid he'll try to hurt me if I actually get one versus if he just left by himself. I also don't know if he would offer to leave then just try to come back and hurt me before I could get the locks changed. The landlords constantly ignore the residents so I'd have to wait days or weeks for a lock change. Our lease ends next March.
I don't know what to do. All I want is to be by myself again with my cat in a safe place and it seems like no place and no escape plan I can come up with is entirely safe or secure. I'm at a loss but I can't keep living like this.

Hey gang - I don't know where to vent - so i'll vent here, I'm not sure if i'm in the wrong mindset. My partner (33F) is 14 weeks pregnant. (WOOT!) prior to this, we've been together for over 2 years. We both have been out of college and have about 7 YOE. I own my own home, my own cars, and we are both financially stable. We both agreed to start trying (if it happens it happens) 2 years into our relationship. we are both extremely excited about this next step in our life! I first told my brother and my parents. They both were even more excited than I, I loved it, I even have recordings of their reactions, it is beautiful. Then we decided to tell her mother and brother, granted, I've gotten really close with her brother, and her mother (we lived with them for 3 months while i closed on my home). When we told her mother, her mothers reaction was more of a 1.5 hr screaming fest; the repeated statements were; "How could you do this to me, you embarrassing me", "I taught you better", "What is wrong with you guys?", "How could you skip this step?", "This is wrong", "I am embarrassed" , "This makes me look bad", "I am disappointed in you (her daughter)". different ways of saying that, just because we weren't wed. I proceeded to be clam, and stand my ground, to ensure her, that her daughter is the love of my life, the barer of my child, I will fight for this family, I will love both of these people with ever being of my fiber. I told her my reason was that I would rather have a larger finical safety net to bring a child into this world since we are both 33, than to spend money on a wedding, and risk later life pregnancy. She would have non of this. As i watched my partner cry her face off, while her mother just stood there laying waste with her unsupportive words. I was torn, I am a big family guy. I only have a tiny circle (my clan) that i keep close... I told her mom, "I'm sorry you feel this way, what can i do to make you feel better?" she continued to just yell the same sentiment.. I looked at my partner, knowing she should NOT be stressed during this time of pregnancy, and said 'lets leave and give each other space' my partner didn't want to (in respect for her mom - we are both asian) but I insisted we leave. We did, I told her "respectfully I think we all need some space, if you allow us, we would like to leave right now", she said "ok".
I could not sleep for a couple nights (its been 3 weeks) the words she said cut like knives.. I feel offended, I feel so angry. Logically, in my mind i think, if you are a parent, your job is to watch your children.. they fumble, they fail, but you guide them you support them. How could you ever tell them their actions are a mistake and embarrassment.. furthermore.. her daughter is pregnant, she is experiencing so many emotions, especially fear.. how could you not put aside your feeling, and know at this very moment your daughter is looking for your support.. how could you let your daughter down when she needs you the MOST. I am twisted up, because I thought I was a good judge of character.. but wow all i come up with is selfish individual... who just cares about themselves.. This mother is supposed to be an adult.. all that angry and anguish all because... ? we weren't married? because we 'skipped' a step? all because we didn't fit into their cookie cutter norms.. I spiraled further questioning myself.. then came back around.. I grew up in a trailer.. no money, I fought tooth and nail, to put myself in college, to learn, to grow, to buy myself a car, to buy myself a home, and to get myself to a point I love. Yet how am i so irked by this person.. how can this person even understand what I went through. they don't, I think i'm just so conflicted. Sometimes I wish I could go and let her know a piece of my mind, I love family, and the thought of putting a rut between my partner and her mother also kills me.. I don't want that, but I don't want someone with those values of "self", "me", "me" around my child. Ever since then, so much of my why my partner and her brother are the way they are makes sense. I just want to let this mother know, "I am disappointed in myself, for letting someone so selfish come so close to me, I forgive but I don't forget. Lastly Thank you, thank you for raising someone to NOT be like you"
sorry - I guess... in some big part of this whole post is my having this bottled up emotion, being conflicted, and not able or willing to put this stress on my pregnant partner.
Thanks for listening.

I (34F) have been married to my husband (33) for 8 years. We have two kids. I love him, I truly do but I don’t think I can take this anymore. His birthday is May 10, mine is May 17, and Mother’s Day (USA) is usually in between them. Every year I end up crying myself to sleep because of him. A little back story. His family isn’t very good. They rarely even acknowledge his existence and usually only when they need something from him. My family on the other hand is completely different. My parents to this day still surprise me with a cake and sing happy birthday to me. Every year without fail, my husband gets jealous and sabotages both Mother’s Day and my birthday. He takes one minor situation and blows it way out of proportion. Resulting in him rotating between giving me the silent treatment or snapping at me and telling me what a horrible person I am. This year for instance, he decided to take me to Barnes and Noble the day after his birthday. I told him he didn’t have to that we could do something else or even save it for the following weekend. But he insisted we do it then. He gave me a budget which I thought I was doing pretty good following but once the total rang up it was way over budget. I offered to put some books back but he snapped and said it was okay. Walking through the store to leave, I offered once again to return some. He ignored me. When we got to the car I asked if he was mad. He said it didn’t matter that it was too late anyway and got in. I grabbed the bag and went right back and returned all but 3 books. When I got back into the car, I handed him the money and said I was sorry. He threw the money back at me and said I always do this shit. I cried the entire 45 minute drive home. When we got home I asked if he could go hang out with his brothers or something because I needed space. He screamed at me “seriously I’m the one in trouble here when it’s your fault” I spent the rest of the evening and night crying in the fetal position while my 3 year old daughter wiped my tears away and told me it was okay. He “apologized” for snapping through text but that was it. On Mother’s Day he made me do everything because the kids weren’t listening to him and were making everything difficult. He always uses the whole “they only want you” or “they only listen to you” excuse to get out of even the basic tasks like giving our oldest his antibiotics for his ear infection. When the kids were young, he was very hands on but as the kids got older and the longer I was a SAHM he got more incompetent. I feel like he resents me for them having a closer bond to me and punishes me by weaponizing his incompetence. He also gets jealous of the affection our four cats give me and tries sabotaging it. They don’t really like him because of how rough he is. He’s always saying it’s to put them in their place. Whenever they’re laying on me for too long he’ll come up and start aggressively patting them to irritate them so they get up and leave. I know a lot of his issues aren’t his fault and due to his shitty family and upbringing.
But my daughter consoling me made me realize that maybe it’s time to walk away and just coparent.

My now ex job(food factory)has fired me because I kept complaining about a line lead who has harassing me and calling me fat ass, weak man, unintelligent man and whole bunch of other out of pocket names in Spanish thinking I did not know what he was saying. He been doing it from day one I started working there and at first I let it slide because I try not start even more work hostilities even more than what is all ready there at work or respond to the bulling or better yet out of pocket thing someone be saying. However it got to the point where I wanted to hurt the guy because I told him many times to stop fucking with me but he wouldn’t listen so I reported him to the higher ups. Nothing was being done about it so I told the guy to his face one day that if he didn’t want to fight me stfu and stop fucking with before something terrible going to happen to you. He stop bothering me for awhile but then started it back up later on so I took it up even higher ups but when I did they said I was terrible at my job and I can’t do my job that I was shit at it and that I complain to much about others but can’t take responsibility for my own work and that is when I lost it. So I got into a heated argument with the higher up about showing me respect and you can’t talk to me like I’m a child we are both grown ass man who do you think you are? So I cuss him out about his behavior so he hit me with the power trip I send your fucking ass home and document you for your bad behavior. I look him in the eyes and respond with, so you going to write me up but won’t do anything about the other guy? For harassing me and making a hostile work place? Fuck you I’m going home for the day I’m not putting up with this bullshit! Got a call the next day saying I’m fired for cussing out a supervisor and a HR lady which I never did is one of the craziest part. The HR lady me and her have a very honest conversations so Ik the supervisor is a full of shit unless she lied to them as well idk anymore. I change the name of the company to factory below.
“You are not allowed on the property. They are going to cut your lock. They provided a very detailed report of what happened when they moved you from the dough room. That behavior really isn't acceptable at all. They noted you do not have take responsibility for any of your actions. You always blame someone else, or your tools, or the equipment. That is an issue in a work environment. Everyone messes up, that's how we learn.”
“The factory stated you got hostile with the HR coordinator and the production supervisor on why you were not in the dough room. Working with factory an associate can be moved around where they are needed. And using any type of swearing against any factory or temp associate is not tolerated.”
(Side note) I have high standards and I don’t like to joke or play around at work. I’m not there to make friends or make people happy I’m there to do a job make sure everything is running smoothly and go home. I’ve never apologies for who I am and been unapologetic for it all. I don’t take my personal life to work and work life home Ik how to separate the two once I hit the clock in and out machine. Lots of people hate me for how I am but I could care less as long as my job gets done. You are hired to get a job done so get it done. ( side side note) my grandfather always told me that A man should get a job done no matter what if he was hired for it. When he was on his death bed he told me to not stop going to work and keep moving forward don’t cry for him and be happy and just move forward. Yea it was really hard but that man kept me going. I understand not everyone can just move on and whatever but at least separate your lives Best you can. I understand what I said earlier will get lot of people mad but I’ll live with it tell I die. I’m looking to sue the company for loss of wages, emotional distress and hostile work environment. Maybe discrimination since they know I have a disability… talk to me people. How should I move forward!!?? Am I wrong?? I’ve never been so humiliated at a job before and felt betrayed that I just lost it.

So this girl and I matched on hinge a few months back. We had two dates, both of which went pretty smooth On the second date surpringly she asked for my number btw, I gave it to her and we started texting But the problem was she used to reply after hours And then I sent some message, it was just some conversation not a question to which she didn't respond at all (didn't even read the message on WhatsApp) This went on for weeks. Then after 3 weeks she sends me a message saying how's everything at home (I went back for vacation) To which I replied and again the same thing happened the conversation ended with my text being left unread. After all this, I thought maybe it's done and maybe she isn't interested anymore. I stopped thinking about her. Then suddenly she popped up again on my whatsapp after 2-3 weeks saying "hey how's it going, we should meet this weekend" I told her that I was busy let's meet thr next, she agreed and suggested dinner at some place Again, she felt really happy talikg about her travel stories etc.. again everything went pretty well So her place was very close to the restaurant and she suggested let's pack some dessert and we can have it at my place. I asked her whether she was sure about this idea She cooly said yeah yeah I want you to come to my place. I said okay, I entered her place, took a seat slightly away from her bed and again we started talking, she started playing the music and it felt like all this would lead to something .. but I was not sure since we hadnt even met that often. Then after an hour or so she just sat infront of me on the table leaned towards me started talking and suddenly asked "Can I " I just didn't know what to say I said yes instinctively or in the heat of the moment. So we started making out and I wasn't actually ready for that(also hadn't cleaned my thing properly), so I told her maybe can we just be above the belt She was quite understanding and said yeah that's totally fine. She insisted to sleep at her place and I also kinda wanted it myself, since I was tired and was kinda liking her touch and proximity We woke up made out again in the morning, but again didn't really get an erection but I think she understood it and didn't talk about it just nodded her head I then left her place and texted her that thanks, had a great time, maybe I can cook dinner for you next week, she Said yum that sounds good.
After all this the problem is, I realised after some time that I am now 26 and want something stable And the fact that we have contrasting opinions on somethings like she doesn't like children, I do She doesn't want to go back to our home country, I do. All this in mind, my mind says this will not go further after a certain point But my heart says that she is kinda good and caring and I should spend more time with her So should I tell her the next time that, I am looking for something stable and want us to take a step forward Is it too soon I fear her saying no, that would ruin our present as well I don't want to makeout or have sex with someone casually That's a lot of emotional baggage for me and I can't handle that How should I handle this situation? Also what, according to the girls here, is going on in her mind, is she looking for something serious or something short term. I am very confused PS : I also asked her about the text thing that she replied after 3 weeks or so, to which she said she replies mentally and then forgets to reply, I just laughed it off saying ohkay.
Thanks for reading

I’m in a bit of a situation and could use some advice. A colleague of mine left his car with me while he went out of town (home country). Unfortunately, due to unforeseen health issues, he is unable to return anytime soon.
I’ve just realized that the car's registration and insurance have both expired. I want to make sure everything is handled properly and legally.
My questions are:
Can I legally drive the car to sort out the registration and insurance?
What are the risks of being stopped by the police for expired registration and insurance? Do they randomly stop vehicles for this?
Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance for your help!

Why did the farmer visit the pharmacy? To speak with the farm-assist.
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking in female connection and interaction. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work since there's nothing really going on and thinking about going home tonight and burning a woodwick candle. Perfect for when there's a storm outside. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a relationship and something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera! I'm gonna try and photograph the northern lights tonight!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.

Relationship help?
help!!!!! im so confused
i 14m like this girl in the samw year as me. but its so confusing so i’ll tell u the story first. (its a long one)
I’m from England and so is the girl i like. lets call her Julie. and we go to the same high school. one year an opportunity for an exchange was brought up. In October we’d spend 10 days at our exchange partner’s house in America and go to their school and go round the island learning about different things. Before this, i’d wanted to know who Julie was etc. and I’d kept her at the back of my mind. To my luck, Julie was also going to go on the exchange (There were 30 of us and there are 300 people in my year.) So after the snapchat group chat was made I very smoothly 🤣 slided into Julie’s DM’s. We just talked loads instantly and we were yet to talk in real life. (She is in the other half of the year so we didn’t have any classes.) Meeting after meeting about the trip and we still hadn’t talked. Eventually, the trip arrived and we were headed to heathrow from a local airprot and Heathrow to the airport in america. In the security bit we finally spoke. Julie made a joke as I scurried around trying to be as quick as possible. From there we just kept talking and we even talked on the plane (when she woke up). She was sat behind me and I was sat with a friend and us three talked.
I can’t remember all the details but basically, throughout the whole trip me and her talked the whole time and people always shipped us if you get what I mean. However, I do remember the airport back. We had a three hour wait time I think at the american airport. and we were going around in small groups of four or five and I just spontaneously chose to go around with Julie. Julie was with two of her other friends but we spent the whole three hours making tiktoks and laughing and joking about and we both really enjoyed it. Finally, we were back home and we proceeded to text until school came by again. This is where another recently solved problem comes around.
The last day of the trip there was a massive party and I met this girl lets call Bella. Me and Bella started texting from there and sort of started liking each other. By this point I really really liked Julie and never stopped thinking about her but never knew if she felt the same and was very cautious about it. However, me and Bella kind of died down after a week or so.
So it was back to me putting my full effort into liking Julie. At school we didn’t talk much be exchange the few words whenever I saw her. I was really nervous around her in real life and tried to do my best to make it discreet I liked her and directed my attention elsewhere while still having full attention on her. Yet we texted like crazy and full on as well. We would always joke around and call each other names jokingly and we were really really friendly. We didn’t talk as much in January and February but picked up again in March. I still really really really liked her again and in April we shared our ambitions and they pretty much matched up and we shared our ‘types’ and we described each other but were completely clueless we liked each other. It got a bit confusing because she liked me ( I later found out in June/July) but also mentioned this other guy so I got confused and then in June it got really really messy.
You remember Bella right? Well the American kids all came over to England this time and stayed with us. On the first few days me and Bella didn’t talk however we did one day and we kicked about a ball on a field where everyone on the exchange was hanging out after we had a football match. From there me and Bella hung out a lot together and did stuff together in class activities. We really liked each other and I no longer liked Julie. (It’s really important to keep in mind me and Bella didn’t know each other deeply etc.) However my feeling for Julie still remained a bit but slowly died out even when I still liked Bella the first few days. Anyways, me and Bella had held hands a few times etc. and when Bella went we hugged a lot. We weren’t into a relationship and a few days later we stated ‘talking’ (A state in which the relationship is similar to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but is not official.) and we called a lot. However a few problems arose when me and Bella discovered each other’s emotions and how we live and what we live by. It was present she was over reactive, over protective, quite mean (For example I’d talk about my day and she wouldn’t care and she’d talk about hers.), she also talked to a lot of other boys oddly (For example she blocked me sometimes and a few days later my friend was at the top of her best friend-list with a 😗 next to his name.) and she always had excuses. It just didn’t work for me and I wasn’t happy at all. Prior to me and Bella stopping talking me and Julie started to text again.
me and julie started to text again in about july 2023. (idk). julie had just got out of a relationship in august so i only started liking her again in september 2023. i tood my friends and obviously word spread but i always said i didnt infront of her so idk if she knew or not. anyway we still texted alot however another guy liked her who also texted her and there was a bit of competition. for a few months i didnt even know if i liked her, some days i would, some days i wouldnt and i was really conflicted. now, the ither guy and her dont really text much and so im not really bothered. we still both text each other loads and weve had eachother st the top of our best friends list for two weeks😂😂. anyways i have no idea if she likes me or not but i like her and were like best friends. feel free to ask any questions.
By the way the girl from american is completely out the picture. Julie doesnt know i like her.

So, you said Lord Nicholas has no personality, which is true lol, but since I'm the devil's advocate, I took that as a challenge. Make yourself comfortable for a long read. Have some popcorn.
Why is this guy more of a tragic character, rather than a villain? And how does a man lose identity, and becomes a monster through desperation? I'll answer this for you below.
• Throughout Plague Tale Innocence, there are various signs that although he is personally close to Vitalis (no use of titles or formalities when speaking to each other) he is the execution, and not the mastermind behind the plans. For example, when Hugo's Macula was to be tested, he urged Vitalis on to put an end to the plague already, they are not here to play games.
• In the very same chapter, we get a little insight on what he believes and thinks about the conflict between the Inquisition and the De Runes. He doesn't understand why Beatrice De Rune resists their persuasion for information regarding the Macula, since their goals are shared -> ending the Plague. Ultimately, he blindly believes Vitalis wants to control the Plague to save them. And he does anything, ANYTHING to make that happen.
Commit genocide against peasants, and in the end, even go as far as killing Hugo.
Now, let's take a little turn to make a background check for this guy. Or at least what is hinted, and what can be assumed with intuition and theories.
• Like I mentioned before, him and Vitalis are personally close, and in the preultimate chapter of Plague Tale: Innocence, after his death, guards talk about him in the city. They are confused why Vitalis hasn't sent anyone for his search (I'll get to that one later), since he was his Protégé. This alone in itself wouldn't mean anything, but right after that a guard added "Maybe he found himself another Protégé" regarding Hugo of course.
Since this game is about innocence and children, it's almost safe to assume that Nicholas likely got taken under Vitalis' wings just as Hugo was now in the present. That would explain why they are close, and why Nicholas blindly trusts his master. Another dialogue backs this up, between the Arch Bishop and Vitalis. "Puppets like you will kneel and beg me to save them." and look who appears and kneels right there and then? Lord Nicholas. This is my theory, I can back it up but it isn't 100% surely true of course. Take it with a pinch of salt please.
• Now, time to get to why Vitalis didn't send anyone after Nicholas' disappearance... We saw nothing of the two months Hugo spent in the Bastion, but based on the Cathedral's state, it's safe to assume things didn't go that well with controlling the Macula. The plan was to get Hugo through the threshold finally, so that the Conjuration can begin. (Note to self: another essay later about that one). Although they tried to push Hugo through with hurting his mother, it didn't work. Because of this, Vitalis tasked Nicholas with taking Hugo to his sister, to end her life. This is simple, but it doesn't stop here.
In the chapter Blood Ties (where we control Hugo), we already meet an impatient Nicholas who wants to put an end to the Plague. Not only that, but let me get to one crucial sentence told by Vitalis. "Nicholas... You cannot understand." This hints at the disagreements between the two, and that Nicholas is not indulged in how this should be done. Nicholas tries to help Vitalis up, but he rejects the help too. It's quite symbolic for the one-sided trust between the two. Due to this growing mistrust, and how Vitalis didn't expect Nicholas to come back after his mission later on, to me it seems like Vitalis cut the ties and sent him exactly to his death to get rid of him.
• Vitalis' plan was never to get rid of Hugo once they pass the threshold ("I have a lot to teach the Carrier, and his friends."), and knew well, that Nicholas has no chance against Hugo and Amicia with the rats alongside them. He sent the man who trusted him the most to his death, and with that also chose his ultimate protégé - Hugo. It's also likely that Nicholas' mistrust grew because his position in the hierarchy was compromised, since it's likely Vitalis got obsessed with Hugo, and Nicholas almost realized he is played with. There is also the idea, that Vitalis sent him away to actually save him from the white rats he meant to send on the crowd anyway. Anyway, Vitalis is for another essay...
• The betrayed, the sacrificed. Who is he? There is absolutely little we know of him, except for his title and occupation. What always speaks in Plague Tale: Innocence though, is the design. I mean look at that drip- sorry.. In "A Making of Plague Tale: Innocence" the creative developers mention the importance of faces, and overall pure, intuitive impressions we get of our characters.
• There is only one character whose face we never see, and that is Nicholas. That doesn't only play as a psychological trick to make him more terrifying, but also hints at certain points. First of all, his robes are Dominican. This is historically fitting (although there were no dominican knights) since Dominicans were those entrusted by the Church to handle trials against heresy and begin inquisitions. This also hints that he is very religious and dedicated to serving the (assumed) good. I know, no way. Let's not forget about how faded out it is, or bloody. In NO way he is a good guy, but a tragic believer? Likely. Under the robes is the armour, which is hit all around. It's no news we talk about a very experienced and efficient knight who also happens to be serving Vitalis (NOT the Church! Explained in another essay, chill.). Knights start their training at 7, and only nobles are in for the job, obviously. I made the connection, that since he likely knows Vitalis from his childhood, and his training also began when he was 7 years old, and his name was Nicholas...
Side note: In medieval times, children were named after Saints to inwoke their blessing, in this case, among many things, protecting children.
It's likely that he himself, just like those he hunts, was an orphan, perhaps even a sinner, who had to be saved by none else, than Vitalis. Give it a thought, maybe he was a lost little boy like Hugo, whose innocence was stolen way too early. With how Plague Tale likes to play with irony and parallels between characters, I don't see this as unlikely.
• All in all, he is what his occupation is, and nothing human. He is the machine that serves. The cross, the judgement. We cannot see his face, because he has no identity except what Vitalis gave him. His role, his title, his mission (perhaps even name). As it can be seen, Hugo too, was dressed in robes showing the Inquisition's sign, like a mark of ownership over him.
• From the very start of the story, he was the representative of that time's barbaric cruelty, unforgiving, misplaced judgement. And as though from the children's perspective he was a monster from the very beginning, how did it go down? As I said before, he has no identity except his committment, and through that his morals, ambitions are shown. At the very start, they ambushed the De Rune estate, and we CANNOT know, if the violance was planned beforehand or it came due to Robert's resistance.
People were taken hostage for questioning, the goal was to capture Hugo, the Carrier, and Beatrice, the only one who can help them understand the plague's origins. It was bloody, but after this chapter, you can hear guards clearly say "capture children" and not just Hugo. Now, unbelivably, I don't think he wanted Amicia bad at the start. They confront each other in the English camp for the second time (where he paid a ransom for both of them), where he tries to negotiate with her to give them Hugo and stop running. Later his methods change, telling the plain truth that there is nowehere for her to go out there (These methods of convincing show a lot of personality and insight especially in the boss fight).
Later on, it's mentioned Vitalis is going hard on him but "he is used to it". Again, their shared history is hinted. The hunt for Hugo is fruitless still, and the plague is spreading day-by-day.
Next we hear from him, is in the chapter where we visit the city with Amicia. Or rather, that he is not exactly participating in the mission killing the sick. Since him and Vitalis disagree with methods of solving the Plague, and he is occupied with catching Hugo, there is a possibility this order of slaughter was carried out without his consent. Though, this is a high take and it would be totally in character to do such a task in the means of self-preservation.
Amicia's visions of him from Penance is not reliable, but at the very same time she clearly dreamed what happened and it's likely she mixed reality with hallucinations from exhaust. If, the hallucinations were true, that means Hugo did hear Amicia, but Nicholas directly diverted his attention from her and led him away.
It's hard to speculate if he did this to let nature do its work, or to actually show mercy, which is equally possible, since it was clear from the beginning that even though she killed his men, he knew she is simply running and kills as a means to survive.
Now, as I explained earlier, many things go down when Hugo resides in the Bastion, and we can only guess what that causes. I mentioned Nicholas' growing distrust, now let me introduce you to the psychological denial he experiences during the boss fight, along with his reflections pointing at the children. The man, becoming the monster. The fire (another essay since fire in Plague Tale is symbolic) causing him to destroy himself.
In the chapter Remembrance he goes to the Château d'Ombrage along Hugo, to ensure the boy passes the threshold with killing his sister, with this enabling Vitalis to pass as well. At first, Nicholas is quite calm and confident, sending Hugo to kill her "Go, and do what has to be done.". Interestingly, despite this, he still has his sword prepared, which shows he still doesn't trust Hugo. Later on, he knocks Arthur out, but doesn't kill him senselessly, despite the fiasco at the English camp. He takes Amicia to Hugo, and now threatens him to kill her, or else he kills his mother in front of him. After that, he tells him, if Hugo does as he tells him so, maybe Vitalis keeps him by his side.
This could hint that only by accomplishments such as this, and proving devotion, can one remain important in Vitalis' eyes. Also, that maybe, Nicholas had to go through something similar, "She means nothing to you now".
Doubts and frantic impatience take hold, which ultimately lead him to take matters into his own hands. He decides to kill her, himself. As he pushes Hugo away, she calls him a bastard, which he then turns back at her, to question her morality and self-righteousness. She betrayed him, that is why he gave himself up. It can be perhaps far-fetched, but this also can count as self-reflection already. Betrayal -> causing giving up, which happens later to him too.
After Arthur "takes care of him" (not exactly...) and the siblings reunite, Nicholas wakes up and this time, immediately kills Arthur. The death is not just a shock value as many believe, it also shows the already progressing monster stepping forth, and losing humanity entirely.
The boss fight has three phases. His methods at provoking the children, and self-reflect change and become way more intense with time.
In the first phase, he tries to separate them and tells Amicia that he knows it must be difficult to live in the Carrier's shadow. Also, that they are terrified. He is poking at her most vulnerable place, their biggest fear, which's "face" is ultimately him. Also, reminding Amicia of her biggest desire, that is to be acknowledged by her parents. Especially this can count as self-reflective, since as I said earlier Nicholas likely noticed Hugo is slowly replacing him in Vitalis' eyes. The wish to excell, and be acknowledged for the devotion is a deep scar this character could carry. He also reminds them of how their father died, to remind them of honour, which Nicholas obviously has a twisted sense of.
In the second phase, his first voice line shows surprise and fear, and anger in response to those feelings. He is more reckless and aggressive too. Here, again, he manipulatively reminds them how little they can do, and threatens them. This is both calculated and instinctual, since he says such things to bring the children out of their hiding places, but at the very same time also because he is slowly losing himself. There are also lines which can be reflective to his beliefs and assumptions based on himself, such as: "Your sister won't be able to save you child.... You are alone." There were already connections made between how Vitalis saved him, and if one puts it all together, this line shows how he doesn't believe in the siblings' bond, because his own bond with Vitalis broke, and Nicholas is (alike to Hugo) alone. Or there is also the line "What do you think you can do? You are nothing. [...]" I wanted to highlight this line because Plague Tale (among many other things) is about the helplessness one faces trying to protect loved ones, and/or trying to rewrite their fates. The fact that Nicholas dehumanizes them entirely, shows he knows the fact one, them or him, cannot change the course that has been set, but he is still in denial trying to fight it (a lot like Amicia in Requiem, by the way. Also, fire (this is why that needs another essay....).
In the third phase, he becomes uncharacteristically reckless and desperate, where he succumbs to the wrath and, his fate. "Come to me, come into my arms my dear children." His sanity decreases and he knows death is unavoidable. The question left is whenever he can bring them down with himself or fails. And failure, is unacceptable. He is better dead, than failed. "I will teach you the meaning of sacrifice" this line shows that likely, he accepted his last quest knowing well he is going to die probably. That he rather burns himself, bring hell, than letting go. He keeps shouting the motto of his order, because that is the only thing that he clings to. It's pathetic and forced, inhumane. "[...] We'll die together" <-> "I will boil your blood until it spurts from your eyes", "You are going to pay, [...]" by this time, he keeps switching tactics at approaching and luring them out, frantic and monstrous. His words mean nothing by this time and desperation takes hold. What line of him is the purest, rawest, and most honest, between all the threads and claims, self-convincing attempts to maintain devoted is this: "The pain... To feel oneself alive... And deliver death." This line might seem like one among the many terrible threats, but it in fact shows his deepest belief. That is, of pain and life. Sacrifice and death. That those who live, have to kill, and that is what it means to exist in this world.
• In Plague Tale Innocence and Requiem, we see Amicia's development into a murderer who follows similarly blind committments.
She ultimately becomes, what she condemned, and what caused her great misery. What, in the end, she herself becomes if Hugo doesn't lead her on the right path. A monster.
So, to sum it all up, Lord Nicholas represents the human being of that time, whose identity is what he serves, and nothing else.
It makes one selfless, righteous, but at what cost? Violence spreads from one person to another, while everyone tries to save what is precious to them. Hope this helped seeing him as more human and with more personality. Cheers. A few more points I couldn't exactly integrate are the following:
• A few things showing the underlying morality and plain intentions: at first he tried to negotiate with both Robert, Amicia, and Beatrice as well. He condones stealing entirely. He doesn't kill Arthur at first.
• In the concept art he is left handed. In Middle Ages, left handed people were considered sinful, since it was the "devil's hand". This added with the self-punishing- self-destructive-Catholic mindset, added with his devotion, signs that he is penitent, and does what he should for a greater good, a salvation, and carries the burden of "sacrifice".

Ask me anything you want to know about these diploma mills and I'll do my best to answer. Below I've included some background and answers to some questions I'm anticipating. To avoid revealing my identity, I won't specify the mill, but I assure you this is a legitimate experience. Ask away.
Why did you quit? I worked in admissions. I couldnt take it anymore, going home with a guilty feeling that I'm contributing to the problem of mass immigration and, by extension, the housing crisis. So I quit. Despite struggling to find a job for 6 months before this, I felt like I had no choice. I had benefits, remote work, good pay, and healthy work/life balance, but this job might as well have been spitting in the faces of Canadians because it gave me the same feeling.
Is my institution aware that it's a diploma mill? Not at all. I even asked about it and everyone gave me the same or similar answers:

1. We are much smaller than the major universities like UofT and UBC etc. the xxxx number of students we bring in are inconsequential.
   
2. We are giving these young people a chance to better themselves. We are doing good for Canada. You should feel proud.
   
3. (From my Indian coworker): Without Indians, Canada would be nothing. You guys need us to make Canada better. It's a dying country without us because the population is so low and birth rates are declining and Canadians aren't ambitious enough to fill the high level jobs.
   
4. We can't survive without international students. They're our main source of income.
   
5. It's not your job to think about these things.
   

What kinds of students did you bring in? 100% of our most recent intake was Indian. Normally, it's (roughly) 90% Indian, 9% Nigerian, and 1% someone from a different country. I'd estimate they're 75% male, 25% female, 0% non-binary (we do not have updated stats on gender so this is purely observation)
Why did you primarily bring in Indians? All the cheap overseas agents are Indian and they exclusively recruit in India. Every single one of our agents was Indian. I asked if we could diversify and my boss said "no money" and "the government is more likely to approve Indian permits so we shouldn't waste time with people from other countries."
Any fraudulent applications? I'd estimate anywhere from 25-50% of the applications from India are fraudulent. I often got people applying with flawless English proficiency scores but they'd use a translator to communicate with me. When I would speak to them directly they couldn't respond to basic questions after "how are you?" My boss demanded that I accept them anyway because we could get sued and checking for it's legitimacy was too costly.
Do they work? Yes. Every student I've admitted works as much as possible, primarily at nearby fast food restaurants, convenience stores, and for Ubetaxi services.
How much time do they spend in classes then? Fortunately, my institution requires attendance. Unfortunately, most courses are hybrid so we cannot verify that they are actually present. Even still, a full course load here (5 courses) requires less than ~20 hours per week of actual work because the institution wants to give students more time to work. This is absurd to me, as they are supposed to be students first and foremost. To be clear, all of this works out to them only coming in 2-3 times a week, depending on the student's schedules. Some professors have also reduced the homework to give them more time to work.
How are these students/applicants overall? I want to emphasize that I am pro responsible immigration (immigration levels that our infrastructure supports, with people who respect Canadian values and want to integrate and improve the country) but anti mass immigration. I will not respond to racist comments. This is not intended to be a racist response either.
Some things I've noticed about many (not all) of our students from the past year - they are very grateful to be in Canada - bathrooms are VERY dirty (I spend at least 15 minutes a day wiping up pee, cleaning up wrappers and paper towels, etc) - they want to go to the US after getting Canada PR - they barely speak English despite all of my institution's classes being fully in English - they do not respect quiet rules, meaning a general expectation that people in halls should be quiet to respect those in offices and classrooms (although this could be said about any uni students) - I have recieved a notable increase in complaints from female domestic students of harassment from male international students
Please feel free to ask anything and everything! I'll try to respond as soon as I can

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3^rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .

My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years. Things are really bad. I feel like we’re both pretty much done—it feels like it’s at the point where he absolutely does not care whether or not I am here, and I struggle to like him. I am having a hard time letting go. I still love him. It’s been a pretty toxic marriage, but I believed we were going to make it work. It seems we aren’t compatible any more. I’m about to turn 27. I have no friends. He was my best friend. I loved our home (renting). I loved the good times we had. I’m for seeing me being alone for the rest of my life. How could I not be? He was my everything. I don’t believe I could ever love someone as much as I love him, and I honestly don’t want to. But we’re two completely different people now and all we do is fight. I asked for couples counseling and he refused. Right now I feel as if I’m not wanted somewhere, if he doesn’t care, why should I stay? I feel like a loser moving back in with my parents. I really wanted it to work, and now all I have to look forward to is a lonely life without him most likely. But at the same time I currently feel almon already. I feel like my life is over. How do you even live afterwards? I’m very socially anxious, I’m not good at talking to people or making friends. He’ll be fine, thankfully. I just don’t know how I’m going to make it.

Just need to rant, my dad has been making pizza and calzones for every meal for the past couple months. He uses wheat flour and dough and every time I use the kitchen I find flour on so many things. I’ve been washing rags over and over and do my best wipe the kitchen down but still end up getting sick. He refuses to acknowledge he made me sick and when I point out and try to educate him when I catch his flour covered hands touching other things he says “it’s fine you’re not going to get sick” and when I do he says “how do you know it’s from gluten?” (given he’s mentally ill) I’m just annoyed and don’t feel safe eating in my own home and tired of having to constantly act like a paranoid schizophrenic wiping everything down because I have to assume everything is dirty.

Im gonna be a little on a ramble so please bare with me.
I broke up with my ex on the 5th of january (he swears we slept together that night. when i know we didnt bc he was black out drunk and i had to carry him home, he was asleep before he even hit the bed) I got with my current partner around the 12th. im currently 17 weeks pregnant. My first midwife appointment said my conception date was around the 20th january. my 12 week scan also confirmed my conception date is around the 18th-20th. if you google conception calculator, enter your due date even that tells me my conception date is the 20th. I dont know how much more proof i could need.
i fell out with my foster family a few months ago and they took it upon themselves to ring my ex and tell him its his child. so for the first few weeks there was alot of arguing. i had to make multiple 999 calls for him following me and threatening me. ive tried my best to calmly explain to him that it isnt his child and now i feel asif hes using this as an excuse to get to me.
Now this may be where im being paranoid bc no one has said anything about a dna test or court or anything. but my exs family have gone suspiciously quiet and theres this nagging paranoia that theyre going to wait for the baby to be born and take me to court for a dna. which i know would proove me right.. but im terrified and i feel like i shouldnt have to do anything for them after everything. it really just isnt a route i want to take mainly because i realy do not have funds for court. it would tear my family apart both emotionally and financially. now again i have no reason to believe they would do this, but its just a nagging feeling keeping me up at night, so if this does happen, am i allowed to refuse? i live in the uk.

It's kind of pathetic to say, but at 16 years old, I'm starting to realize I've either wasted or lost all the potential I've ever had in life. I don't think I'm capable of living a happy life where I'll ever feel satisfied. I know this sounds very much like teenage angst but since I was young, I've always felt this sense of impending doom and grief when I think about my future.
I think I was 8 years old when I contemplated ending my life for the first time. I was being both physically and sexually abused by my mother and another relative while my father was aware of everything and stayed silent about all of it. The only memories of my childhood I have are ones of the cold bathroom floor my mom used to beat and force me to sleep in. Not only that, but I was very terribly bullied and isolated at school and wasn't ever allowed to leave the house unless it was to a family member's house every so often. At school, I was miserable and hiding in bathroom stalls. At home, I was even more miserable and sleeping on the bathroom floor.
Even after the bullying and physical abuse ended, I struggled to make friends for years and only now have started talking to others on a regular basis. Before this, I tended to shove my head into books and pretend the characters were my companions. There have been times where I wouldn't speak for weeks. One, because my relationship with my family is destroyed and I refuse to stay in the same room as them. Two, because others avoided me and felt so uncomfortable by my presence that I never spoke with others.
My situation has greatly improved since then but recently I've been realizing how much my childhood and living situations have ruined my chances to be a normal human being. I feel so isolated and alone and like a disgusting vile monster wearing a human suit and trying to belong. I feel like life has no choice but to end terribly for me — girls who grow up like me typically end up dead in ditches, addicted to substances, homeless, or all of the above. I have no friends who I speak to regularly, no family members I can rely on, and I'm not intelligent or capable enough to work up for an education that would fix the state of my life. I don't know what to do with myself. I've done everything to try to change whatever's wrong with me.
I've tried to change my behaviour and stop being socially awkward but my phoniness drives people off even more. I've tried to change my appearance and developed severe anorexia in hopes that maybe my body was the reason why I couldn't connect with others. I've tried to study my ass off so others could at least respect me. But I'm too stupid and lack diligence to work hard. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't know how to fix the mess that's my life. The only solution I can think of is to fast things forward and end my life already. I just feel so lost.