As an ugly black man I’m not seen as a person, I’m seen as a joke, a big ogre. a monster. Being ugly is the worst. Worse than death. I am the ugliest man in the world, with undoubtedly the most hated on race so I literally am going through it everyday. No,
I’m not saying all women either because a couple of days ago there was this hot white girl at the donut shop we had a convo and she bought me a free donut. Also my friend “E” is so nice I was thirsty and she let me drink some of her sprite. And she lets me smoke weed with her. Since I don’t got my own rn 😭.
Anyways at work I mind my own business I usually only mess with the dudes at work since I know a woman would feel uncomfortable and just tell HR if I even just stand near her. So I keep my respectable distance and I don’t say a word to them unless they talk to me. But somehow someway. My friends (I’m literally bestfriends with every guy at the jobk) they told me that a girl “doesn’t like me”
What the fuck? What did I do this time? A girl who I’ve never even said a word to doesn’t like me lmao. They tried to say “she’s jealous ppl like you way more than they like her” but I wanna really dissect why she feels the need to talk shit about a person she hasn’t ever crossed paths with? As stupid as that sounds that’s the reality of ugly men, people have a problem with you for just existing. Not the first time this will happen def not the last.
my manager hates me too. My friend fucked her and she admitted to him she gives the ugly guys the hardest jobs and the handsome dudes the easiest ones…. Guess who gets assigned to the hardest job everyday…. Me.
Today They told me to teach a new hire girl how to do something and she looked so scared of me like she wanted to cry. I knew for a fact if I accidentally looked her in the eyes or maybe accidentally get more close than 8 feet I’m probably going to get a complaint and fired. So I asked my woman homie to handle it. Apparently she told me the girl thought I was staring at her boobs even tho I took a glance at her for less than 1 millisecond. I was looking at her dirty ass brown stained shirt but I’m a creep right?
Also one last thing. There’s 2 other girls that I’m friends with who I lowkey have a crush on. They know I have a crush on them and they think it’s so funny to tease me. Telling literally everyone. So embarrassing. Think it’s time for a new job.
I just can’t get over the fact that women online say “all we want is for ugly/ creepy men to stay away from us” and that’s what I’m doing but I’m so ugly and creepy that even if I literally just do my own thing there’s someone hating on me because I’m not attractive. I do want a gf one day but I really want to be left alone and I want to rest, from this endless torment.

Got access, seems more stupid then gpt4 bing copilot, not reading prompts completely, even with explicit prepromt to follow prompts exactly.
Its Fuckinng limited to less than 10 chats in 3 hours for free version.
I asked a simple question does it know when will github copilot will get access to gpt4o model, Searched 6 blog posts dating back to nov 23, and gave incorrect information. Asked 3times for it correct.
Bad first experience will try again after 3 hours.
The main issue with llms and search is the seo and stupid blogposts which cover all top 10 of a particular google search.
Bing too is very bad in this department just searches blogposts.
These bloggers just for clicks post shitty content.
Gpt4 are themselves more intelligent than these blog posts still they refer them to give a poor result.
When will github copilot get a newer smarter model so i can code easily and I need a prepromt window in copilot if you got links pls share feedback internally.

For more helpful context I’m a woman asking men specifically. How do I tell a guy respectfully that I want to do more? I already know that he wants me in that way, but isn’t making a move on it yet, he’s being respectful because we just met a few days ago. I’m torn between wanting to take it further…if you know what I mean…but I also want him to respect me and potentially see me as girlfriend material one day. I just know right off the bat I wanted give it up to him when I met him I just didn’t say anything because I’m aware of how that looks.
Do I say anything or do I have to wait for him? I would post this in a dating advice subreddit but…we technically aren’t dating. So now I’m asking men in general how to do so.
I want to be a lady. I want to be respected. But I also want him. This guy and I hit it off and we can literally talk for hours. I’m ready. But I don’t want to lose his respect.

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I don't think I have super high expectations when it comes to dating but there are certain traits and people that I'm attracted to. To be very straightforward, I'm a woman of color (South Asian) and prefer dating other people of color (any). Growing up as a brown immigrant in certain parts of NY was definitely eye-opening. Apparently, I look racially ambigious since people have hurled slurs for every race towards me lmao It's just been a lot easier for me to connect with other POC with the things I have been through. I think it's also important for me to connect with someone who has similar values. On a political spectrum, I am a leftist and would much prefer my partner to share similar ideologies. In regards to my personality, I have been often described as someone who is full of life/bubbly/optimistic. I love laughing a lot but I love to make others laugh more. It's definitely difficult for me to give up on people so expect me to stick around for a while.
I like someone who is playful and has a good sense of humor. There's a lot of shitty things going on at the moment, so being with someone who can make me smile and laugh often would be a blessing. Rest assure that I'm not looking for a distraction or a therapist, but I hope we could be each other's best friend. I don't mind flirting here and there, but I prefer a love that blossoms slowly over time. But out of everything I have wrote, the most important thing and the characteristic I value/seek the most is someone with high emotional intelligence. Empathy and healthy communication goes a long way.
Im not the most knowledgeable so I love meeting people with different life experiences, different skills, and different interests/hobbies whom I can learn from. Surface level conversations and friendships can be nice for a few days or so, but I cherish those who are not afraid to be vulnerable and to be their authentic self. I'm a pretty open book myself. I think my biggest strength, despite being called foolish for it, is my ability to open up to others. Sure, I had people use it against me before but I really like this part of me. I think it helps me form a sincere connection with the people around me whether it's friends, coworkers, or clients. What you see is what you get, the good and the bad.
In regards to my interests, I am very passionate about social and mental health issues. I am in a MSW program and my dream is to work as a hospice social worker. I like to read a lot of books around those topics but I am a fan of fiction too specifically magical realism from authors like Isabel Allende and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I also like to game but I am a console player and right now I am just sticking with OverWatch, Final Fantasy series, and occasionally bullying Real Madrid fans on FIFA. I also have a thing for tattoos and graffiti. Feel free to send me a chat request if any of this catches your interest.

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

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F20 I’ve been on tinder for a month now and I cannot seem to get past the ghosting before the first date. I’ve tried swiping on guys of different races, big and skinny men, short and tall men, and guys who are above my league. I’m fit I hit the gym often, I have in my profile that I’m looking for short term. I also keep getting accused of being a bot or fake. I usually also get guys who insult me as a first message like “you’re probably ugly in real life” or “i know you’re a bitch I can tell” my age is 20-35 on tinder. Im also in college, so I’ve been to many parties and bars and never get approached. My best friend looks similar to me and has had about 6 guys have sex with her last week. I’m really hurt, what do you think the problem is?

I (25F) am currently talking to a guy (24M) who is super sweet, we have many things in common, including anime and videogames. In person he’s been nothing but sweet, he respects my boundaries and is respectful. We’ve been chatting in person and online for about 4 months. We often talk for hours about our interests and we flirt pretty regularly too.
He invited me on a first official date this week and I accepted, but prior to going on this date I wanted to do some light vetting to make sure he wasn’t a creep and I’m not sure how I feel about what I found.
Since he doesn’t post on instagram, I tried his IG @ on Twitter to see if he had an account and accidentally fell into a rabbit hole.
For starters, he follows 1k+ accounts, 85% of the accounts are alternative or asian OF models, all of them who look absolutely nothing like me. I decided to take a peek at his likes and almost all of them are either super slim and cut OF models with big boobs, or manga style drawings of half naked women with the same body proportions. (He has around 40k liked tweets all similar to this)
I don’t know how I feel about this. I don’t really care about men who watch porn or interact with this type of stuff, but for it to be so heavy handed and almost obsessive gives me a bit of the ick. The other thing is that I am completely the opposite of his apparent type (I am chubby and don’t have much cleavage) and it makes me feel gross.
I’d like to say this didn’t affect me, but I was really into him and now I just feel insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin around him. How can I talk to him about this without him blowing me off and invalidating my feelings?

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Are you looking for casual chats? Do you send more than one word replies? Are you 30+? Do you prefer sweet or savoury? Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air? Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?
I like to think I’m pretty easy going and get along with most people pretty easily, that said a few of my favourite topics are photography, travel, various sports, movies, music, tv etc. feel free to bring your own also.
I’ve been on here a while ago and made some good connections but then took a break but now I’m back as I’ve missed chatting and getting to know people from all over so don’t let the new account scare you off.
I’m not after anything in particular, just some lighthearted fun chats, not looking to date or meet in person, we can talk about the mundane to the fantastical and anywhere in between.
If any of this has piqued your interest please reach out and say g’day plus a little about you, I’d also love for you to tell me your fave Simpsons character so I know you’ve read the whole post.

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Hello and welcome, adventurers! 🌟
You've just found your way to the official community for Heartlight, the upcoming game that blends thrilling card-based strategy with the exciting world of dating and social matchmaking. Here's where you'll connect with fellow players, share strategies, experiences, and maybe even find a match in-game and out!
🔹 What to Expect:

• Game Updates & News: First look at new features, updates, and behind-the-scenes!
• Community Events: Participate in contests, polls, and Q&As with developers.
• Strategy Sharing: Exchange tips, strategies, and discuss the meta of the game.
• Dating Discussions: Share your dating wins, funny moments, and tips on making the best in-game connections.

🔹 Community Guidelines:
Please take a moment to review our rules to keep this place informative, respectful, and fun for everyone. Engage in discussions, share your artwork and stories, and be supportive of each other.
🔹 Get Involved:
We love hearing from you! Post your questions, strategies, art, and anything else related to Heartlight. Let’s build a vibrant community together!
🔥 Join us on this journey to light up the gaming and dating world with Heartlight. Whether you're here for the thrill of the game, the joy of making connections, or both, there’s something here for everyone. Let's make this community your new favorite spot online!
Happy gaming and may your heart find its light! 💖
Feel free to introduce yourself in this thread and share what excites you most about Heartlight!
Heartlight Links:

• Website: https://www.playheartlight.com
• Discord: http://discord.gg/heartlight
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/playheartlight

So, dear men, I'm really trying to understand you and know you better. I know that we can't generalize and everyone is different, but I'm curious about hearing you and your perceptions all the time.
My question is now: how would feel or what do you think about a woman that you are dating to tell you something like this after you send her some pictures of you with your friends:
Woman: "You probably get asked this a lot, but, when are you going to start your modeling career?"
Do you like compliments on your physical appearance or rather not?
Thank you for your feedback.

History Hyenas: The Ancient Greeks
Chris Distefano: "What's up, cuzzy wuzzies! Welcome to another wild episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chrissy Chaos, and with me, as always, is Yannis Pappas, aka Yanni Long Days. Today, we're diving into the ancient Greeks. Strap in, because this is going to be wilder than a Dionysian festival!"
Yannis Pappas: "Yeah, baby! The ancient Greeks – the original philosophers, warriors, and drama queens. They gave us democracy, the Olympics, and, let's not forget, those crazy myths. Zeus turning into a swan to seduce someone? That's classic Greek wildness right there."
Chris: "Right? So let's kick it off with their democracy. Athens, around the 5th century BC, was where democracy was born. But it wasn't like today's democracy. Only free men who were citizens could vote. Women, slaves, and foreigners? No chance. It was like an ancient boys' club."
Yannis: "Yeah, they had this thing called the Assembly, where citizens could speak their minds and vote on issues. But it was direct democracy – no representatives. Imagine if we did that today. We'd have millions of people yelling over each other on Zoom."
Chris: "And speaking of yelling, those Greek philosophers loved a good debate. Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle – these guys were the OGs of thinking deep thoughts. Socrates was all about asking questions and making people think. Too bad it got him sentenced to death. He had to drink hemlock, which is like the ancient Greek version of getting canceled."
Yannis: "Right! And don't forget about the Spartans, the ultimate badasses of ancient Greece. They were all about discipline, strength, and military prowess. Kids were taken at age seven to train in the agoge, a brutal system that made them warriors. They were the original 'this is Sparta!' crew."
Chris: "And then we have the culture – the art, theater, and literature. They invented drama with tragedies and comedies. People like Sophocles and Aristophanes were writing plays that are still performed today. Imagine if Netflix existed back then – we'd have epic Greek binge-watching sessions."
Yannis: "And the mythology, bro! The gods and goddesses – Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Athena. They were like the dysfunctional family of Mount Olympus. Their stories were wild – affairs, battles, and transformations. It’s like Greek mythology was the first soap opera."
Chris: "And let's not forget the Olympics. The ancient Greeks started it all. Every four years, athletes from different city-states would compete in events like running, wrestling, and chariot racing. And they did it all in the nude. Talk about leaving nothing to the imagination."
Yannis: "So there you have it, folks. The ancient Greeks – they were wild, they were wise, and they laid the foundation for so much of Western culture. From democracy to drama, they did it all. Now go out and tell someone about the crazy Greek myths or how Socrates got canceled by drinking hemlock."
Chris: "And remember, stay wild, stay curious, and keep listening to History Hyenas. We'll see you next time, cuzzy wuzzies!"

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Ex and I split up 5 weeks ago after 18 months. I left but it was mutual. She found every excuse possible for me to go there. I went but never bit.
Then after 4 weeks suddenly it hit me that it was over and I asked for her back. She was already coming to terms with it, life is improving etc. She made me wait a week so she could decide how she felt.
I'm in full on grief mode at this point, think I cried every day. Week goes by, she says no. Proceeds to tell me every way in which I'm not right for her, all my failings etc. I am not perfect, have stuff to work on, but loving and committed. I did everything for her. I adored her and she loved the attention. But she wasn't perfect either and I believe both parties have things to learn from a break up.
She said she made me wait the week because she was worried I'd block her etc. Yeah thanks love! She tells me she wants to see what else is out there, believes there are better men etc. Of course there are. That's not the point. If you're done, let that person go don't berate them. My fault for letting her speak to me? Probably.
I asked for NC. She agreed then continued to message me. I'm in a state of confusion at this point, not knowing what she wants.
She said she saw a medium and that they said the relationship was bad timing. Then she tells me maybe we might get back together when timing is right but she wants to date and see what else is out there. Is this just a woman who is keeping me around in case nothing else comes up? I reckon so.
I used to think it was all my fault but actually fuck that. I never would have said those things to her. Never hurt her in that way. Relationships have two people in them. Makes me think she never gave a shit in the first place. Shame as I really loved her. I guess you never really know someone.
You either want someone or you don't. I can't have her stringing me along until she's done with me properly. Sent text, blocked.
Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're not good enough.
Anyway still hurts but chapter is closed!

This is my first ever Reddit post and I thought it may be a healthy way to express how much build up anger and resentment I (26, F) have towards my 31 year old brother who takes 0 accountability for his action and his addiction. Bare with me.
When my brother was in highschool, he dabbled around in pills, alcohol and other drugs. That is what set off his absolutely insane alcohol addiction he’s currently still battling with. In 2017 he was hit by a car because he was walking down a highway while intoxicated and was in a coma for a month and had to have multiple brain surgeries and leg surgeries. He had to have multiple months of PT once healed to get back to walking and functioning. After his accident and healing he was in and out of relapses until about 2021 when he got completely sober. After 3 years of sobriety, a few months ago he relapsed and has been fucking spiraling since. Within the last 3 months, he’s gotten a DUI, lost custody of his 7 year old child to CPS, has another baby mama who is 26 weeks pregnant who he’s no longer dating, quit his job.. like ROCKBOTTOM..
A few days ago my entire family went to his house to hold an intervention and we sourced multiple ways for him to get help (rehab, mental health facility) before his court date for the DUI at the end of May, and his response was “I’ll think about it over the weekend..” to a 30 day program.. mind you, he has no job, lost custody of his daughter, is POOR, has another kid on the way, and doesn’t even pay his own bills because my PARENTS HAVE BEEN.. (dad is on his mortgage)
Today he is arguing with my mom and playing victim about how he has “so many problems, keeps them all to himself to figure out, helps everyone around him, and that ‘blood isn’t thicker than water because everyone in the family is against him’” because we are trying to hold him accountable for his own actions and find him a program for him to get into to get clean, and his life back together before he fully loses custody of his daughter, and his house..
He constantly talks about how he wishes he would’ve died in his accident and has no empathy towards what his entire family went through during his 6 months of being In the hospital and through the rehab healing from his accident. Any time anybody tries to hold him accountable he somehow manipulates it in his mind that you’re against him and you are the bad person. My mom and I decided we are going to write a letter to the judge for his DUI case asking if they’ll legally place him into a inpatient rehab in which he can’t leave. It’s really our only option at this point.
At this point I’d honestly rather him sit in a jail cell then be free out on the streets with no job, no kids in his custody, drinking his life away. At least I’d know he would be less self destructive and putting my nieces life on the line. It would also be relieving to not have to constantly worry about what he is doing, where he’s at, getting phone calls of him completely plastered apologizing but then going right back at it the next day, and routinely repeating this cycle.
Dealing with an unhinged alcoholic family member is so fucking draining. As if my 26 year old self doesn’t have enough daily life shit to worry about. Bills, working, finding insurance, staying mentally healthy, etc. to be dealing with my 5 year older alcoholic mentally unstable brother.
My therapist told me to start writing out how I feel and this was actually slightly healing to write out even if I feel guilty for saying all of this. I’ve just put so much work into healing emotional trauma and he just dumps all of his on to me any everybody else. Pray for me smh.

I f 28 feel like I’m hiding a secret from my m28 bf
My bf and I have now been dating for a few months.
The period before we were us was messy. We were both coming out of relationships and it took us time to be us.
We’ve talked about it and agreed to leave it in the past but there is one thing I think about a lot.
Before we were exclusive but had a vague convo about keeping it open ish but really only actively seeing each other as we got to know one another I sexted my ex over holiday after drinking and also said something along the lines of I have the opportunity to move on but I don’t know. I still love you and think about you, and you care but not enough to stop it before it happens.
It was so dumb, I was a mess emotionally and just not ready for where I was, I’ve learned from that.
I’ve told my now bf we exchanged inappropriate messages and I almost went back and I asked him if he wanted to know what that was, and he said no. I also made it clear I wasn’t sure then, but I’m so sure now. And he’s told me we don’t need to talk about it again and it’s ok.
I also know he wasn’t an angel around this time and we’ve agreed that we were free before we were us.
I also hate how my now ex knows this information.
Tl;dr I just feel like if he ever found out the details he would feel like 2nd choice and not be ok. It makes me scared to really invest and start a future.
Now that we’ve been dating for a bit I really think I’m going to marry this man?
Would something like this phase you before being exclusive and intimate?

**edited to adhere to rules on moral judgement requests**
I recently discovered that she's snapped/received a snap from her ex-bf, every single day that we've been together. Our relationship is still relatively fresh (5 months) so I don't know if it's too soon for me to be upset over this.
They were together for two years and had already been broken up for 2 years by the time we started dating. Upon voicing my discomfort about this, she said they don't even text and it's just about keeping the snapchat streak (I don't really use social media so maybe I'm biased in thinking caring about a streak score is stupid, maybe I just don't get it?) and keeping up with life updates such as his kid growing up and stuff like that. She then said she doesn't want to have to cut people out of her life and now I'm wondering if I'm being controlling in wanting their communication to end. She's also stated that she would feel perfectly fine with me doing the same with my exes if I so desired.
Even two years after they'd broken up, a photo of them together was still her desktop background when we had started dating and she changed it once things got more serious between us. She'd even stated (back when we were just FWB) that she still loved him a little, despite him living 1000 miles away now.
She reassured me that she loves me and that she's moved on from him and he's even returned here occasionally and they didn't even see each other during his homecomings so I really have nothing to be worried about and nothing romantic will ever happen between them again. She says their dynamic is purely friendly, yet she herself has stated she doesn't believe in male/female platonic friendships. Not sure if I wrong for thinking it's weird that it's suddenly okay for her when it comes to someone that she had a 2 year romantic relationship with.
I'm trying to be open minded and I understand that exes can indeed be friends post-breakup but it's the EVERY day thing that has my mind racing. I ultimately told her that I'm nobody to tell her who she can and cannot talk to, but I don't think I'll be able to ever get comfortable with the idea of them communicating that often. Hoping mostly for input from women, as every post of similar situations has almost only replies from men and almost all of them say to leave her, but also this is reddit so that's what I expect the average male redditor to say about anything.
I love this girl, she's amazing and a perfect match in so many ways, checks off almost every box for what I've always looked for in a partner. I don't want to lose what we have but also I don't want to be a placeholderebound until one day they suddenly decide they want to be back together. I don't know if I'm just being insecure and crazy or what, but I don't have access to my therapist for another 2 weeks, so hoping for opinions from internet strangers.

Israeli media initiated claims that the international press picked up on which state that the UN seemingly halves/corrects Gaza death stats among women & children. This is a misrepresentation.
On May 6, 2024, the UN published data showing that 34,735 people had reportedly been killed in Gaza, including over 9,500 women and over 14,500 children. This data is the general consensus and has been widely reported. This data doesn't have a "identified as of Apr 30, 2024" section.
On May 8, the UN published data showing 34,844 people had reportedly been killed but it included a section below this number showing 24,686 fully identified as of Apr 30, 2024. Under this section, it lists 4,959 women, 7,797 children, 10,006 men and 1,924 elderly had been killed for a total of 24,686 dead.
UN spokesperson Farhan Haq told a daily briefing at the UN that the health ministry in Gaza recently published two separate death tolls – an overall death toll and a total number of identified fatalities. In the UN report, only the total number of fatalities whose identities (such as name and date of birth) have been documented was published, leading to confusion.
Two officials from the Palestinian Ministry of Health have told CNN that although the ministry keeps a separate death toll for identified and unidentified individuals, the total number of people killed remains unchanged.
The total number of dead also does not include the approximately 10,000 people who are still missing and trapped under the rubble.
Israel's war in Gaza is unprecedented and has been described as one of the deadliest & most destructive wars since WW2.
Israel has also been indiscriminately bombing Gaza aka adhering to their Dahiya Doctrine for revenge & bloodlust purposes.
Gaza is one of the densliest areas in the world packed with 2+ million ppl, 50% of whom are children.
In addition to the thousands who are missing, mass graves are turning up.
Even if we were to look at the 24,686 identified as of Apr 30, 2024 stat, it is still highly destructive & incomplete.
According to the May 8 data, 1,924 elderly, 4,959 women & 7,797 children have been killed as of Apr 30, 2024. This represents est. 60% of the dead who have been fully identified aka 60% of the dead are civilians out of 24,686 deaths.
Furthermore, the remaining est. 40% aka 10,006 are men. However, not every man/military age male in Gaza is a Palestinian resistance fighter. Therefore, at least a certain % of these dead men are civilians as well.
Going by the new May 8 data, nearly 7,800 dead children in 7 months of war means that Israel has killed on average 1,000+ Palestinian children per month.
Plus USA Today erroneously reported the following-
"But in updated data published two days later on May 8, the UN significantly reduced the figures to 4,959 women and 7,797 children among the 34,844 people reportedly killed in Gaza"
The updated figures of lower death counts among women & children are only accounting for the fully identified 24,686 deaths, not the actual total of 34,000+ deaths. Once you account for the remaining 10,000+ deaths & the 10,000+ missing, the number of women & children killed are sure to increase even more
Underneath the aforementioned paragraph, the same USA Today article quotes UN spokeswoman Eri Kaneko who pointed to an April 30 update by the Gaza Ministry of Health on the breakdown of the 24,686 fatalities for whom the ministry has complete details.
They added that "The Ministry of Health notes that the documentation process of casualties’ full identification details is ongoing"
Although it is alleged that the revised casualty figures originally appeared on the United Nations website, it was actually the Hamas run Palestinian Health ministry that revised the figures.
In April, the Gazan Health Ministry said through its Telegram channel it had incomplete data for 11,371 fatalities. A record is considered incomplete if identity number, full name, date of birth, or date of death is missing, the ministry noted in the report.
So Zios suggesting that Palestine manipulates death stats via inflation & it was the UN that "corrected/updated" it is erroneous
Of course Zios are exploiting this opportunity to discredit Gaza's genocide/stats and paint Israel in a positive light as if murdering nearly 8,000 children in 7 months is positive even if we were to use the new, incomplete data
I wonder how the Zios would react if someone denied the Holocaust or stated that far less ppl died during this tragic event?

Hello So me '24 F' and my boyfriend '23' are in a relationship since january 2024 so it's been about 4 months. He's my first boyfriend, my first lover, my first kiss etc. I can't really take advices from my surroundings because they don't share the same openmind set thant my partner and so I think, however the problem, they will always come to conclusion that I am right.
So me '24 F' and my boyfriend '23' are in a relationship since january 2024 so it's been about 4 months. He's my first boyfriend, my first lover, my first kiss etc.
He has been in a relationship three times before and only long time relationships. He is very kind, sweet, funny that's why I've fallend for him easily and very quickly. Everything was quick, I was confortable with him since our first date. It's odd for me since I'm very shy and mostly around men, even if no romantics feelings involved.
Everything was great, we played videos games together, he is more social than me so I quickly (too quickly) met a lot of his friends and his family. I struggled because it was fast and too much for me but in the end, even if I didn't talk a lot with them I got through it and they are all awesome people.
I stayed a lot at his house, and one time, it was 2 months ago, I did a bad thing. I looked into his insta DM's.. He was talking to his bestfriend about a girl (I knew of because it told me about it) he met in a Valorant game but what I didn't know was that he found her voice pretty. He said things about "bro I met this girl, she can play so well, and you know she has a sweet voice, your brain imagine automatically that it is a pretty girl talking. I tried to guess how she looked like in real life and I had 4 out of 5 good answers. I love 'OP name' with all my heart, I don't want that to be unclear but you know what I mean, it is not being attracted but I know you understand me. It's like having an epistolary relationship"
It broke my heart a little too much, because my vision of him that I had was more like me "when you're in love with someone you only see that person and not fantasm about others". I talk to him about it, if he was attracted to that game girl. He said never I love you, I don't even know how she look like. And myself, knew what he told about her, so hearring him lying was even more hurtful because he always told me that he never ever lies. I kept going and, he made me feel like I was being crazy without saying it. I asked him if he knew it would make me feel sad to keep that girl in friend, was he willing to delete her (I actually didn't want him to delete her, I just wanted to see if he would do it, bc if I played with a guy and if it made him sad, I wouldn't even wait for him to ask the question I would delete him, I don't know him he isn't important). He told me that he wouldn't delete somebody that did nothing wrong, talking to me like I was over reacting.
I finally told him the same day that I had read those messages. They were old messages. He said he didn't remember and he is so sorry bc he would have felt the same way as me 6 years earlier. And when he said all that, it was responds to his friends and he really don't care about her, he could delete her, that he as the same vision of love than me and that those messages meant nothing to him etc etc. I wasn't upset but really sad and for days he kept saying sorry, at one point he cried because I wanted to live (we don't live in the same town). After a lot of talkings and reassuring it was better.
But since that day, I am easily jealous (i wasn't at all before), upset and sad and keep finding things he do wrong. I think for some things I am over the top but I don't know I to canalize it.
For example, he still had his exes in his friends on social media, sometimes they are taking news of him or sending memes, her not him, he just answers. He told me beforend in our first date, he don't love them anymore, I trusted him and still trust him on that. So at first it did nothing to me, even it's like 1 time a month that he receives a mess from them. But since that game girl story, I put that in a discussion, saying that it's weird to keep its exes and what for. But I know that I wouldn't do that, keep my exes so I am surely projecting my vision of a couple on him while we are all different and it's ok.
What made me do this post it's because it's been 5 days that I have came back in my town and for 4 days I didn't have much new from him but still the "i love you's", "good night, miss you so much", "what did you do today?" etc, and it was ok because I new he did have much battery, living in a tent bc he was at and event with his best friend. He came back yesterday, worked the morning got home told me he will see his bestfriend again to do some bycicle, while the past day he told me he would call or send vocals to tell me all about the event, and take time with me. In the afternoon told me he had 1 pourcent left and I didn't havec any news since 5 hours laters, while I was going to bed.
I felt bad all afternoon, thinking why if he knew he would go not charge his phone.. Why didn't he just stayed home playing games with me or calling me instead of seeing his friend he saw for 4 days prior.
The same thing happend when I was sleeping at his house. I felt sad so I told him, I wanted him to go to sleep with me. That day he spent it with his bestfriend at his house. And when his bestfriend left I thought he would be with me. But even tho I told him I was sad, I think he didn't think it was this important and kept playing games all night with his bestfriend.
Their are other times where I felt sad and leftout for little things like that. I want to be like I was at the begininng, I love him I am past little quarrels, and he always asks me how I feel, if I love him, he always reassure me, give me love and affection. I want to let those bad feelings of mine go but I don't know how.
Thanks and sorry if you got through all this

Hi, I'm a graduate student in Pratt's interior design program. I have a 2b2b apartment off-campus and I'm looking for a roommate for the living room.
My other roommate and I are both graduate students in Pratt's interior design program.
Located around Pratt at 180 Franklin Ave 2b2b, we're looking for a roommate for the living room. All roommates are female Pratt students.
Move-in date: August 17th. Rent for living room is $1400 per month (The cost of partition is shared equally). If you're interested in renting another room, feel free to contact me!
Renewal lease is at least $200 cheaper than a new contract!
Additional monthly charges for internet, electricity, and gas; water is included.
Equipped with a washer, dryer, dishwasher, oven, microwave, refrigerator, ample storage space, and air conditioning/heating. The building, constructed in 2017, is very new and equipped with security, a gym, study rooms, rehearsal spaces, and a rooftop garden.
Electronic door guard; building is secure. Gym and package room available within the building; also, a bicycle storage room. Lots of sunlight.
Only a 5-minute walk to Pratt, and close to the G-line subway and B54 bus stop.
Near supermarkets, post office, and various restaurants on Myrtle Avenue. Interested parties, please DM for more information, to view videos and pictures.
Both online and in-person viewings are available.