Four stages of butterfly life cycle free print out

Cross Stitch

2010.04.28 02:48 transcendhate Cross Stitch

Cross Stitch - a home for stitchers, finished objects (FOs), works-in-progress (WIPs), patterns, and more!
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2010.09.20 06:45 darthcaldwell r/CarTalk

The place to talk about your car
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2019.10.26 06:34 zerowastecalifornia Live with Less Plastic

A community dedicated to reducing plastic in our everyday lives.
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submitted by No-Bobcat-6139 to CryptoMoonShots [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 03:08 Chickenwingechicken my drs and all about them

🍇.+ introduction +.🍇

i know i mostly give a lot of informative based shifting posts and i absolutely love doing that, however, i also genuinely find shifting to be one of my main hobbies. and so, i decided to take it upon myself to write about and share with all of you my drs. some fandom, some based within this dr, and some all over the place!
i will include scripts, relationships, personality, time, and duration. i do have some that i plan but have not yet shifted to however i am only including the ones i have shifted to as the ones i would like to shift to are just wishful thinking and not me actively trying to shift there. though, i may make a separate post about drs that i desire to shift to one day.
this post will be also talking about drs that i shifted to in the past as well going in chronological order.
side note; when i talk about time spent in dr, i mean how long i spent in it in total. when i use a date like xxxx-xxxx**, i am talking about in this time period. how long it was since i had scripted and focused on this dr for. there will be plenty of overlap here.

๋࣭ ୨🪞୧ ๋࣭ waiting room ๋࣭ ୨🪞୧ ๋࣭

november 2021 - now (with a two year break in between)
time spent in dr; six months
i honestly don't use this dr as much since my forest dr is much more nicer to relax in. i never used my waiting room for its original purpose. my waiting room was small with multiple doors surrounding it. it was more cozy though some would consider it claustrophobic.
the waiting room itself was my bedroom. for context, my bedroom has a walk in closet. inside that walk in closet is my dr. inside that closet is my waiting room where it is not a closet. honestly, idk why i didn't just permashift there but i find the process of shifting to be very relaxing for me as well haha.
it still has my other drs that i used to shift to but don't anymore. i just don't open the doors to it cuz i'm too focused on two of them. one that i don't even shift to the waiting room to and one that i do shift to it.
i shifted here using the raven method the first time and later the adhd method.

𓍢ִ໋🎧♫⋆。 k-pop dr 𓍢ִ໋🎧♫⋆。

december 2021 - october 2022
time spent in dr; five years
i have talked about this dr of mine before in a couple of comments and i think maybe a post. i haven't really blabbed about all of it. i remember about it just as a memory. i never dreamed in that reality though simply because it is hard for me to dream in this reality too and i never cared to script in 'i can dream in this reality.' however, now i make it a point to add that in.
i did not spend five years straight. it would make me too disoriented. i shifted to it consistently for a total of five years.
my k-pop group was pretty small tbh. at least compared to other groups i listen to. i scripted that i would not know who was in my group and i would find out after auditions and meeting them for the first time. we had five members and it was pretty average. it was not crazy popular but it wasn't very small either. it was one of the most successful of our record company though.
we were a mixed gender k-pop group. meaning some girls, two guys, and me, agender nonbinary. each member had a separate persona. i will give a quick run down of each member, their persona, and my relationship with them. though i was close with all of them. it's just that i was closer with some more than others.
♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。
we had me, i suppose you can call me tato since that was the name i had in that dr. i was known as the nerdy one. the smart one who would info dump and talk very formally while most of the members talked casual. i was mostly a dancer but also was good back up vocals.
my best friend was the pessimistic black cat of the group. i knew her from training and we grew close since then. i give her a five out of five on the closeness scale. her name was ga-young. she is a tan skinned korean girl. she was dancer and singer.
the bubbly girl. she sometimes acted bratty for the sake of cuteness. the cute bubbly girl was used interchangeably for her. she's very sweet both on and off stage. all of the group members were. she probably had the highest social media following due to her aesthetic photos and content. all of them looked like they belonged on pinterest. she was also makeup savvy and had a lot of skin care so got many promos and sponsorships from that. her name was banyen and she was an international idol from thailand!
then we have the soft girl of the group. her name was jae-eun. she was pretty short and kinda chubby but very shy and soft spoken. she was main singer and rapper.
the tough boy. his name was shik. shik is a sweet heart off stage. one of the rappers and dancers. he was actually pretty soft outside of his persona.
the jokester. another boy of the group. he was half black half korean. i found him to be very nice. he did struggle in the industry in the beginning but his mother had connections made through networking that allowed him to make it into the group. he hopes to have a solo career one day under a bigger company. his name is hwan. he was one of the main dancers and main vocals.
♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。♫⋆。
some basics of this dr are that stalkers, sasaengs, diet culture, and general toxicity in k-pop do not exist. i do not wish to deal with the drama and struggles of that and hate to see other idols go through it. i did not want for my friends to go through the same as well. he did not get one however across the five years though. i scripted that i spoke korean and english.
also those were the only things i ever scripted about this dr. i wanted it to be as exciting as possible so everything was left up to chance.
i shifted to this reality using the adhd method.

🌊˚.༄ h2o dr 🌊˚.༄

july 2022 - october 2022
time spent in dr; seven months
i don't often see people write down, talk about, or script this dr. this was my very first fandom drs. even though k-pop itself is a fandom, i personally would not consider it a fandom based dr since it does not belong to any specific group, just the general industry of it.
i got the idea for this reality because i was in a summery mood at the time and binge watched this show and mako mermaids with my cousin on his birthday. we watched this show together and i came up with the idea lol. after that, i kept it going for a little bit longer in my dr until i kinda forgot about it. i was honestly too tired switching between this dr and my k-pop dr and another dr on top of this and decided to take a break with this one. i may revisit it. i still have the script in a google doc.
my merfolk power was substanciakinesis. this granted me the ability to harden water almost as if it was like glass or crystallized. it would be strong, sturdy, and indestructible. if i so choose, i can let it revert back to water after a bit, or keep it crystal like forever.
a bit of a con about this reality was that it was actually pretty annoying. that and having to keep such a secret. i did have some lore to it however. it is a coming of age thing when someone in the family turns thirteen. i shifted to when i was thirteen and did the ceremony then shifted again the next time to when i was seventeen to eighteen as that was my age at the time. i had a single dad that i lived with and one ten year old sister who was later fourteen in the story. she was really sweet and honestly i miss her.
i will say though that the powers made it worth it. the ability to breathe underwater is honestly so cool and such a strange sensation. like you don't take notice on how strange a sensation it is to breathe air either until you've breathed underwater in a dr where you can.
i also shifted to this reality using the adhd method.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 📝 ꒱ hogwarts dr ˗ˏˋ꒰ 📝 ꒱

february 2022 - february 2022
time spent in dr; one week
i wasn't even a fan of harry potter haha. i just shifted there because everyone else was and i decided 'hey, why not?' and such.
to decide what house i would script myself into and get sorted in, i went onto a buzzfeed quiz of which house i was. i got ravenclaw and therefore, i was a ravenclaw. i didn't associate myself with the cast too much aside from the teachers and professors because i kinda had to there. the food was pretty good though even if it was kinda out there. it was fun while it lasted but honestly it felt so crowded and overwhelming to me and i'm unsure why. i guess because of the classes that i had to take.
i only shifted there once.
i shifted to this reality using my waiting room.

☄. *. ⋆ alien dr ☄. *. ⋆

march 2022 - april 2022
time spent in dr; three months
this was the last dr i shifted to before my shifting break. it was a pretty fun one. my main ability was anti gravity. alien me in this dr is slightly humanoid. in most of my drs, i look like how i look in this reality here but for this one, i looked much more different and dressed even more different. it was a cultural based clothes for the home planet i was from. think kinda star wars based but not a star wars inspired reality.
in my dr, i had antennas which basically acted as eyes to see from 360 degrees. hair isn't hair but made from a liquidy slime of bright neons. the neons change colors depending on emotions.
though i did spent quite a while in this reality, i don't have too much to say about it. this is because the most i can say is just different greetings, food, and general culture from aliens than humans. it's from another galaxy and obviously planet. and life span on this planet is much longer. we are more durable than humans.
when an alien passes away, their energy becomes one with the stars, turning into star dust and watching over their people.
i shifted to this reality using my waiting room.

💥✧࿐ mha/bnha dr 💥 ✧࿐

april 2024 - now
time spent in dr; twelve days
this was my first shift i did since my two year break! well, technically it was my waiting room but i used my waiting room to shift here immediately after and spent a week there.
i plan on going back to it but not much of my script was done to it yet. i prefer to be spontaneous in my scripting and just choose to cover the basics. i don't even script future upcoming events.
i'll be honest, it was a bit trippy having this as my first animated dr ever. if felt so real but the lines surrounding my hands made it all feel crazy. i think next time i will try realistic instead, haha.
my quirk in this reality is prediction. i can predict the actions and attacks of my opponent. think of it like the attacks in the video game undertale. a warning sign shows up for certain attacks that alerts the player to move out of the way.
one of my friends in this dr's quirk is extensions. her nails can grow into sharp nail extensions that cut like steel.
i am in the hero class of class 3a along with the big three. we spend a lot of time together. i am closer with nijere since she's the most friendly of them.
i shifted to this reality using my waiting room which i shifted from using the astral projection method.

⋆。゚🌖 wolfblood dr 🌖 ゚。⋆

april 2024 - now
time spent in dr; eight months four months each shift
wolfblood is an english/british teen drama live action series about what are essentially werewolves known as wolfbloods. a wolfblood is born human and looks human up until a certain age and moon. once they reach that age, their blood changes and they become a wolf. they can then interchange between wolf and human however they please except on a full moon. unless of course it is a blood moon. on a blood moon, a wolfblood looks the exact same except their mind transforms.
there's no unique feature of a wolfblood. they can be any race, religion, etc. the thing that holds them all together is being a wolfblood. in my dr.
in my dr, i looked the exact same as here. i came from a small family of wolfbloods. i decided to take my family in my h2o reality and put them here as well. it has a similar coming of age theme. at a certain age, a wolfblood transforms just as in my h2o dr, once you are a certain age, you can go and become a merfolk. in this dr, i lived in england my entire life there and attend the same school as the main cast. however, i am not friends with the main cast nor enemies.
i can sense something is up with them as they act weird in class but can't put my finger on it. i scripted it so i was unaware of the identities on my peers.

‧₊˚🌿 forest dr ‧₊˚🌿

april 2024 - now
time spent in dr; two months
copying this from a previous post here, don't mind me.
'so a bit about my dr that i am shifting to. it is not any fandom related dr but instead an alternate reality where i live in the forest in an advanced tree house. think of the houses in trees type. i spend a lot of time there meditating, practicing spells, and spending time with the animals there but especially wolves. i still have internet connection but irl i don't live close to nature so this is just perfect for me. i'm happy in both this reality and my dr. i switch between the two whenever i feel like it.'
i also shifted to this one first astral projecting. but now i just meditate until i shift. when i shift, i am also in the same meditating position as well. i wanted this to instead be connected to my waiting room, to become a sort of escapism for myself. just in a different way.
you can see the posts i made about the outfits that i wear in this dr here if you want! you can also see more of my outfits in that reality here as well. :)
i shifted to this reality using my meditation method.

⋆🔗 ˚⟡˖ ࣪ conclusion ⋆ ˚⟡˖ ࣪🔗

this is all i have for today! i hope you enjoyed it. perhaps this gave you all motivation or some scripting and reality ideas. i may have forgotten some things to include and add. apologies if some stuff didn't make sense. i hope you enjoyed the read though!
i will say this as well and leave you off with some general scripting ideas
: ̗̀➛ you cannot die
: ̗̀➛ you cannot get hurt
: ̗̀➛ you always get a good night sleep
: ̗̀➛ if you have chronic illnesses like me, you can script that your chronic illnesses are more manageable or you simply just don't have it.
that is all i have for now and happy shifting! ᥫ᭡
submitted by Chickenwingechicken to realityshifting [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:55 Caprine-Evisc Should I go visit my terminally Ill grandpa for my mother's sake?

This is going to sound really selfish and shitty but I (28f) have never had the best relationship with my grandpa. He is the reason my grammy's brother was killed, he sexually and physically abused my mom, her siblings, and my Grammy, he's the reason I developed an allergy to smoke, he always favored my male family members, and any pleasant memories I have of him are so old that I hardly remember them and only remember them bc my mom tells me about them. I wouldn't say I hate him, I'm mostly disgusted by and indifferent to him. I might be sad when he dies but I don't know.
My mother for some reason though adores him, maybe it's because her mother is gone. Or maybe she's been conditioned by the abuse to still care about him even after all the awful shit he did to them. I don't know my dad's kind of a dirtbag too and I still love him.
My mom really wants to go see him because he has stage 4 cancer and probably doesn't really have much time left. I mostly sad for her because I know it will be really hard for her to lose him. Even my younger sisters are upset about him which I find surprising because they've seen him maybe four times in their whole life. My brother cousins and I don't really seem that interested. I mostly find it really annoying to have to go down there and see him. I have work and I'm so burnt out and exhausted all the time from raising my family and working and taking care of everything that frankly as soon as I get home the first thing I have to do is fight off exhaustion long enough to make dinner and hope I don't pass out as soon as I get done and actually get to enjoy some of my free time.
On the other hand I know it would probably mean a lot to my mom for me to go down there and at least support her or say my goodbyes. It just makes me feel so tired. The past few weeks have been so exhausting and the coming weeks will be even more exhausting. This weekend might be my only chance to have any rest for quite a while. I really don't want to take a 4-Hour drive that I will likely have to do again next week just to see a person I don't really like or care about because he's dying. My mom will cry and be upset and I'll stand there blank faced with almost no reaction. I have a hard time showing emotion on my face anyway, so I know she will be upset that I'm not crying or sad or really expressing anything. I can't force myself to feel things I don't even for her sake. I guess I could pretend. Force myself to cry or at least act sad.
Does it make me a bad person that I find it more annoying than anything that my mom wants me to use my sparse free time to go visit my dying Grandpa who I don't care that much about? Should I just do it for my mom's sake?
submitted by Caprine-Evisc to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:55 Quick_Emotion3196 Is my (23f) marriage with my husband (33m) coming to an end?

To start things off, I was always aware of our age gap and problems it may cause in our relationship.
My husband and I didn't meet until I was well into being eighteen, and he was twenty-eight. It didn't bother me much, as he doesn't act much older than me and I'd always felt older than I was due to having a ton of younger siblings, step siblings, and foster kids in and out of my mother's house growing up.
We got engaged when I was nineteen at a yungblood concert, and we originally planned to wait to marry until I was at least twenty. Plans changed when I decided to go into the air force, and we had to push up the wedding in order for him to eventually stay with me on base after basic training.
Fast forward a few months after we were married and I had left for Texas for training, I was injured during PT training and sent home. It was during the craziest parts of covid, so everything was on lockdown and they had strict rules about not keeping anyone on base for a long period of time if injured. I was medically discharged and sent home to heal and have potential surgery.
At the time, my husband was staying with his friend in the city we planned to move to. We already put down a deposit on an apartment when we found out I was going home, but due to Covid restrictions and eviction restrictions, it was returned to us and we were told we could no longer move in.
The first issue I was seeing when I got home was his disattention to me. I was gone for over a month and missed celebrating my twentieth birthday with anyone but the girls in medhold with me, so I was looking forward to spending quality time with my husband.
We went out to eat with his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and one of her friends. I felt like a fifth wheel during the meal, as I was sat at the end of the table instead of being at my husband's side where her friend was sitting. Most of the conversations didn't include me, and I ended up going back to his friend's place feeling let down.
The rest of the time we were staying with his friend, they wanted all of us to go mountain climbing, cliff jumping, and trekking through the woods as they lived in a nature-centered part of the area. (Keep in mind, I was just sent home for being injured, and I had both a knee and ankle brace on my right leg that prevented much movement other than some hobbled walking that was slower than a normal pace).
When I expressed that I wasn't comfortable doing those things and that I wouldn't be jumping thirty feet into a freezing lake when I could barely walk as it is, my husband got upset with me and eventually just left me there alone while they all went to hang out together.
Flash forward four years, it is now 2024 and we have a two-year-old toddler. I didn't end up getting surgery, and I spent nine months being sicker than I'd ever been in my life.
It was a really rough pregnancy for me, and I'd ended up in the hospital multiple times because I couldn't even smell food or step foot into our kitchen without throwing up.
That all went on until the beginning of my third trimester. We decided to travel back to his friend's place, and I was somehow roped into climbing cliffs, wading through treacherous water to climb another cliff on an island out in the middle of a lake, and sleep at the top of sand dunes in a tent on the ground a couple weeks before my due date.
I was then on antibiotics during birth, because my water broke and the hospital sent me home instead of keeping me. My son was born sick, and transferred to a children's hospital to be treated and receive a spinal tap. I ended up sleeping a week in a hard hospital chair in a leaking basement of the hospital because they didn't have enough space for us.
After we were home and everything was settled, my husband would brag about how difficult the whole situation was for him. He had to sleep on a futon during my labour, and he had to have food doordashed to the hospital because, due to covid restrictions, noone else was allowed in with us and he wasn't allowed to leave to get anything.
He ended up having steak, potatoes, and these other elaborate meals delivered to eat in front of me while I wasn't allowed to eat anything until the baby came out. He even thought about bringing his playstation into the hospital room, but I shut that down quickly.
The first year of my son's life, I went back and forth between staying home with him and working in the factory my husband currently works at while my grandma watched our son.
I won't get into too much detail, but at one point when my grandma moved back out of state (she lives in her camper and was only there for the summer), I had to switch to the afternoon shift.
There is a factory supervisor on that shift that is a male and close to my husband's age. Other than the other person in my same position and two maintenance workers, they only had migrant workers that didn't speak english. This limited the people I could talk to while working my twelve hour shifts (husband worked 3:30 am to 3:30 pm and I would work 3:30 pm to 3:30 am).
My husband got very jealous and territorial at this time. He would expect me to return nearly thirty minutes late from all my breaks, threaten to go up there if anyone told me I couldn't do that, and even punched a hole in the wall when I told him I had to get back to work.
Up until that point, my husband had shown no signs of aggression toward me.
Somehow, a rumour started to spread around the factory that I was sleeping with the production lead. This definitely wasn't true as a) how and where would I have done that? and b) I loved my husband and would have never done something like that.
My husband heard about it, and came home to confront me. He got in my face, screaming and calling me a cheater. He threatened to take our son and move back in with his mom without even letting me offer an explanation or defend myself.
To this day, it still bothers me that he is still so convinced that I cheated on him and that he has no trust in me whatsoever to not do something like that.
I ended up leaving that job and working at mcdonalds for a little while. I had worked there in high school, so it wasn't a big adjustment.
I only ended up staying there a few months to help us catch up on bills before we agreed it would be better for me to stay home with our son for a while.
Our son is two now, and it seems like our relationship has only become more strained. We used to be able to communicate most of our smaller issues and come up with ways to maneuver whatever issues we had. However, in June of last year, my husband's friend that we were staying with in the beginning moved across the state to be near us.
It was all fine and good in the beginning. He had proposed to his girlfriend, and they even asked the both of us to be in their wedding that has yet to happen.
However, once they got engaged, he'd began acting very sexist. Even though both he and his fiance work full time (he works down the road at the factory with my fiance, and she works forty minutes away at a hardware store and has to drive a long way at three in the morning to get there), he expects her to come home and clean up after him, also cook his meals before she goes to bed early to get up really early in the morning for work the next day.
My husband, now hanging out with him more often, started having some of these things wearing off on him.
At first, it wasn't a big deal and I brushed it off. However, I'd gotten a job as a property manager for an apartment complex and also work now. Instead of things changing to adapt our new lifestyle, my husband expects me to continue keeping up with all the chores and cooking.
He'd made a comment that, because he feeds our dogs, he expects me just to do everything that involves our toddler from feeding him, to changing his butt, to putting him to bed at night. It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get him to change his butt or even get pants on him.
We'd gotten into an argument over this, and I told him that it wasn't fair that he expected me to do everything. His response was that he made more money and worked more hours, so it was only fair that I covered everything else.
Sure, I don't work as much or make as much money, and my paychecks mainly cover our son's daycare and our car payments, but I feel like working doesn't excuse him from helping with the son we both decided to have.
It's gotten to the point where I told my husband that if any sexist remark is made, like I should be in the kitchen helping get dinner ready whenever we're at his friend's house, I will be leaving and going back home, and I won't be going back until it is resolved.
The friend's fiance and I have had private conversations about this, and we both agree that it has gotten out of hand, and we both believe they are feeding off each other as they'd never been that bad before.
Everything has only seemed to get worse from there.
We decided to go as a group, along with my brother and his girlfriend, to the draft in Detroit this year.
The whole point was to see players get drafted in person, and we'd managed to get into the crowd in front of the stage before the area was shut down and they weren't allowing anyone else in.
My brother is an avid football fan. He played in high school, and was even offered multiple scholarships to play in college. This was a once in a lifetime experience for the both of us.
At one point, my husband and his friend decided that they would rather stand at one of the screens out of the crowd and watch it instead of trying to get into the sea of people to see it live.
I was frustrated, and expressed that if we wanted to watch it on television that we should have just stayed home. After a heated argument, I thought we'd come to the agreement that we'd go back to the stage and watch it there.
My brother lead us through the crowd, and at the beginning my husband and his friend were following us. Somehow, we'd gotten separated and when I looked back once we found a spot to stand, they were gone.
My phone rang in my pocket, and when I picked it up it was my husband calling. As soon as I picked it up, he proceeded to scream at me for disappearing and called me a "stupid bitch" when I tried to explain that I thought they were following us.
He hung up, and I told my brother I was going to go look for them alone. I spent a good twenty minutes wandering the area that was barricaded, but they were nowhere to be found. I no longer had signal to get ahold of him, so I ended up just going back and watching the beginning of the draft with my brother.
By the eighth pick, texts started to come in from my husband. He had informed me that they all left, leaving the three of us alone. Luckily, I'd driven separate as I left work early to get there.
By that point, I was done with him. I felt disrespected and that hanging out with his friend was more important than making sure his wife was okay or even with him. After all, I was wandering downtown Detroit alone when it was starting to get dark out.
When the three of us inevitably got back to the car, I got ahold of my husband just to let him know we were on our way home. He tried to apologise and ask how everything was, but I was too exhausted and mad at him to try and hold a conversation. He was asleep by the time I got home, and I ended up sleeping in our spare bedroom on a futon.
The next day, my husband tried to act like nothing happened. When I expressed that I felt ignored and pretty much useless to him, he tried to play it off like his anger was warranted and completely ignored the fact that he was calling me names.
I told him that I was no longer going to any big events with him and his friend, and he just rolled his eyes like he didn't believe me.
A day later, I saw a message pop up on his phone from his friend. I guess he had told him what I said about not going anywhere anymore, and his friend said "women" with an eyeroll emoji and "she'll get over it eventually". I screenshotted these messages and sent them to myself, filing them away in a folder in my phone to keep for later.
I slept in our spare bedroom for a week after that.
After the draft, I've also kept notes in my phone with time and date stamps of all the times he went off on me since then. Whenever we get into arguments, my mind goes blank and I forget exact things like this so he likes to say it never happened if I can't remember it.
April 27th, we were sitting watching videos together on tiktok. When someone popular came on that he had been watching a lot recently, I exclaimed that I didn't understand how he got popular all of a sudden. He proceeded to get really agitated and yell at me for not understanding how the internet works. When I stood up to walk away because I was upset, this angered him more. He then expressed that my emotions were overrated and that he was sick of them.
May 2nd, I had gotten home from work and tried to show my husband an outdoor jungle gym on amazon that I thought would be cool to get our son. He claimed it was a waste of money and that we should just take him to the park. When I tried to explain that it was a better idea to get something like this, as realistically we wouldn't take him to the park every day, he freaked out and asked what was wrong with me. He then said "oh my god" when I tried to explain that it would be easier to watch him outside while getting stuff done around the house and decided to just go to bed without dinner and end the conversation completely.
May 5th, we went with his friend and fiance to a cinco de may party in the city. He was drinking most of the day, and on the way home he wanted us to stop some place and get ice cream. When he got out of the car, he hit it against the car next to us. When I told him he'd hit the car, he proceeded to yell at me in the crowd that I was crazy and acting like my mother. He then kept trying to go to the woman in the car and ask if he had, in fact, hit her car. After, he said he was done with me and I was on my own, that I would have to start paying my own bills from now on.
There's been many other entries in my notes similar to this, and I feel like I'm at the end of what I can handle. Divorce has crossed my mind, but I had divorced parents growing up and know how hard it would be on my son. I also don't think I'm in a well off financial position to go out on my own with our son and still provide the things he needs.
I also worry that, if we were to separate, he would push to take our son from me as he'd threatened in the past to do so.
Any advice would be helpful, as I don't know what else to do. Even getting this all off my chest online makes me feel a little better, but there's still the lingering thought in the back of my mind that I'm unhappy and don't know how much longer I can put up with this.
Thank you.
submitted by Quick_Emotion3196 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:51 CrinkleDink So I played the Box Art dynasty, House Renart. Here is my playthrough so far, in the form of AAR Chronicle.

So I played the Box Art dynasty, House Renart. Here is my playthrough so far, in the form of AAR Chronicle.
House Renart: \"As Clever as a Fox\"

Duke Otger 'the Brute' of Lausitz

It's him, John Crusader-Kings-3
Otger I Renart (6 March 1040 - 28 February 1101) was the count of Spreewall and the Duke of Lausitz, and the founder of the Renart dynasty. A dastardly count, he pursued any way to gain power in the lands of the Saxons.
Otger was known to be a stubborn and yet brave man, with a vengeful streak. This was due to the fact that his brother was killed by Jakob Barenburg of Lubsko when he was a mere infant. Otger grew up under the tutelage of his mother, becoming a well read warrior in his own right.
At the age of 16, he fell in love with Hersent Louve, a minor noble lady within his court, and they married. They would have a daughter who would eventually marry Edgar Wessex. For a while, peace remained in Lausitz, but Otger, the wily fox, would see to it that he would move things to get revenge on Jakob Barenburg.
15 September, 1066, Otger went to war with the County of Wittenberg, held by Count Thimo, to press a claim over the castle and lands there. He would defeat Count Thimo at the Battle of Wittenberg in 21 February of 1067, and in May became the ruler of Wittenburg.
On 28 July 1067, his eldest son Otger was born. In September, Count Jakob Barenburg would be poisoned on the 15th of December, 1067, and for many generations his death was seen as mysterious. Recent historical opinion, however, blames Otger I for the death.
The following year, Otger went to war with Jakob Barenburg’s daughter, Brigida, who was seeing instability in her realm following the untimely death with her father. Otger’s forces defeated Brigida at the Battle of Lubsko, but two years of siege meant minor skirmishes, and Otger would only gain victory in August of 1070 AD.
Otger was a participant in defending the realm Duke Theoderic of Angria who was fighting off his own counts in 1076. Otger would lose the battle of Lüneburg against Countess Hedwig of Göttingen that year, but Duke Theoderic successfully put down his vassals. It was around that time that Otger was being called “the Brute” by many of his vassals for his heavy handed way of doing things, as well as his strong physique. The nickname would stick.
Another war for the Count of Gorlitz in 1077-1078 led Otger to acquiring another castle. Him and his knights would defeat the count outside of Gorlitz and overtook the fortress. With many of the castles and lands under his grasp, Otger began to plot to become the duke of Lausitz.
Duke Konrad of Lausitz was relatively young when he came to the throne. In a position of weakness, Otger declared himself the rightful duke of the land of Lausitz. The armies of Count Otger moved towards Juterborg in the winter of 1084. The young Duke Konrad did not give up his throne so easily. Otger commanded the armies, backed by the Duke of Carinthia and the Duke of Angria, whom he created alliance with.
Otger commanded and won the battle of Görlitz against Count Konrad of Jüterbog on the 31st of July, 1084. He was actually outnumbered during this fight in a battle of 1000 against 1500. He used the positioning of the hills outside of the city to his advantage. Konrad would be captured later by the Duke of Carinthia in August of 1085, and would surrender. Otger would be declared the Duke of Lausitz.
Not even a year later, Konrad rebelled against Otger, seeking to reclaim his power as Duke. The two had small engagements in 1086, most notably the Battle of Gommern in January of 1087. Otger pursued the fleeing Konrad into the spring and would capture him at the Battle of Gorlitz. There, Konrad would be imprisoned, and had his lands revoked.
On the 25th of October, 1090, Duke Otger came to the aid of his ally King William II ‘the Red’ of England after King Philippe of France went to reclaim Normandy. This would see a defeat for Otger and William the Red. Normandy fell back into French control.
In 1091, Otger became the ruler of the Duchy of Istria after it’s previous Duke was excommunicated. The title was given to him by Emperor Heinrich V. A similar situation happened in 1096 with the Duchy of Hesse, which was given to Otger as well.
13 March, 1098, Otger came to Duke Hendrik's defense against Duca Tribale Aleardo's dethronement war. Duke Hendrik would manage to fend of Aleardo’s forces by himself, however, so Otger’s participation was not needed.
The last three years of Otger’s reign was relatively peaceful. He hosted a grand wedding for his son Christopher who married into Austria’s Babenburg family. Otger would pass away on the 28th of February, 1101, from old age. His primary title of Lausitz would pass onto his son Otger, while the Duchy of Istria went to his son Ludwig and Hesse went to his son Christopher.

King Otger of Poland

Guy had a massive drinking problem and no sons.
King Otger (July 28, 1067 - July 6th, 1124) was Duke of Lausitz in 1101, and the King of Poland from 1116, until his death in 1124.
In life, Otger was a calm, humble, and zealous man whose only ambition in life was, at first, to rule the Duchy of Lausitz relatively peacefully. Unlike his vengeful father, Otger made a point to not make many enemies. In fact, he was quite good with making friends and even allies in clutch.
He was born on July 28th, 1067 to his father Count Otger and his mother Countess Hersent. He was their second child, and the oldest of his brothers. His upbringing was relatively quiet, with his father Otger having a hands-on approach to his education.
In 1083, he would marry a minor noble from Poland, named Olga. She would, however, die in childbirth with his firstborn daughter Geilana in 1087. This would lead Otger to grow distant with his eldest daughter, who he would eventually disinherit. This was also the point when Otger would begin his horrible habit of alcoholism to cope with his misery. The same year, he made a political alliance with Duchess Gertrude, another minor noble, from Austria.
In 1101, Otger would ascend to the throne of Lausitz (as Otger II) while his brothers became dukes of Istria and Hesse. He would ally with them to secure their places as the dukes over those lands. He would travel on pilgrimage in 1104 as a sign of his piety. He arrived in Colonge on the 25th of April where he dedicated his life to ruling in the Christian ways.
During this, King Casimir of Poland was excommunicated by the Pope for his life of sin. A massive civil war overtook the Polish countryside, dragging German dukes into the conflict. Polish soldiers would raid the Duchy of Lausitz while Otger II was on his pilgrimage. When he returned, he was furious to see what had happened to his lands. He appealed to Pope Urbanus II in hopes that he could get compensation to rebuild some of his lands.
Instead, Pope Urbanus II saw the pious character of Otger, and, knowing he was bordering the Polish lands, offered him the opportunity to step in during the civil war as an intercessor to bring peace and dispose of King Casimir. Otger at first refused this role, believing it was not his place. However, as the civil war dragged on, more and more of Poland grew into turmoil. According to The Renalt Chronicle Otger “prayed to God for resolution” in Poland in 1114, but nothing came.
In the same year, Queen Gertrude would die in her sleep. Otger had been struggling to get a male heir all of his life. Stricken with the grief of his wife dying, and the continuous raids in his lands, Otger became flagellant in order to cope with the stress. Otger believed he was punished by God for his reluctance to act in Poland. Thus, in his zealous nature, he finally rallied his small forces and rode into the southern mountains of Silesia in Janary of 1115, to do the “right” thing.
Quick, while he's distracted, invade him!
King Casimir was far too distracted by an invasion to the east of him by the Russians to bother with the small forces of Duke Otger that was reported to him. He was busy fighting his brother Witosz Piast for the throne as well. Otger joined Richard Babenburg, Duke of Austria, in Silesia and then marched north into Greater Poland. Many of the castles were occupied by Czibor Piast’s soldiers and they quickly fell to Otger and Richard’s forces as they besieged them.
The armies of Witosz were defeated by Casimir in the spring of 1116, where he was imprisoned by his brother. Casimir marched back west towards the armies of Otger and Richard who were driving way the rest of the rebel forces. The rebels disbanded, which gave Otger the opportunity to take further Silesian castles. Eventually, come the late summer of 1116, Duke Otger and King Casimir met each other at Katowice.
The Battle of Katowice was a long engagement, taking several weeks in the early fall of the year. Otger was reported to have an army of 1500 men, while Casimir had an army of 1700 men. It was believed that, at first, Casimir with his slight numerical advantage would win. However, the Duke of Austria came from the south later into the engagement and swayed the tide. Casimir would flee the battle, defeated.
Duke Austria followed him further east to Krakow and laid siege to the city. The Saxon forces of Otger would break through the city gates, storm it, and captured King Casimir. The bishop of the city oversaw the transfer of the crown to Duke Otger.
Thus, on the 16th of December, 1116, Duke Otger Renart would be crowned King of Poland. During the coronation ceremony, he would meet the beautiful Weslikan of Livonia, to become his third wife.
It would not be long, however, until the peace would be abrupt. The nobles of Poland were not fond of a new Saxon king over their lands. They rebelled against King Otger in November of 1117, trying to place Duke Witosz Piast onto the throne. The irony was that Witosz was not in favor of this, as he became good friends with Otger and supported his kingship.
Two years of rebellion would eventually see the rebels imprisoned by King Otger in December of 1119, who had eventually begun to be led by the former King Casimir again. Casimir and the disloyal vassals had their lands stripped from them and were executed for their rebellion.
Duchess Bożena of Mazovia began a war of liberation in 1121, during the beginning of the First Crusade. This would only lead to a white peace two years later in 1123, however.
Unfortunately for Otger, his life of drinking would eventually catch up to him. In 1124, as his forces were mustering in preparation for the First Crusade, he died of liver failure in his tent. Otger had failed to have a son with Queen Weslikan, and therefore, the realm and his duchies were split between his four daughters: Imma, Bia, Beatrix, and Wienke.
Imma Renalt would succeed him to the throne in 1124, though her reign would not prove a long one…

Queen Imma of Poland

Imma and her ragtag younger sisters got all their dad's lands. Wouldn't fare as they, nor I, expected it.
Imma Renart (August 17, 1090 - August 7, 1124) was Queen of Poland from July 6th of 1124 to August 7th of 1124. She would be queen only for 32 days. Her reign is often forgotten in many histories, as it was overshadowed by her son Oldrik.
Imma Renart was an ambitious and just woman, with much compassion. She was also known for her natural beauty thanks to her mother Gertrude. She inherited much of her father’s attitude on ruling, and desired to bring peace to Poland when she became queen. With the partitioning of her father’s many duchies, she received Greater Poland while her sisters gained Lausitz and the Silesian lands.
When she ascended the throne, her younger sister Bia was staging a rebellion to become Queen of Poland herself. Imma at the time was pregnant and was in a period of great stress. According to the Renartnomicron, she was heart-stricken when her spymaster suggested killing her sister. From the stress of the rising rebellion, her pregnancy, her weakened heart (due to her drinking habits), and the spymaster’s suggestion, she suddenly died from a heart attack on August 7th, 1124. The death was completely unexpected.
Her only son, Oldrik, who was 14 at the time, was off hunting when the news of his mother’s death came. He was stricken with grief. But little time was left for him, as he would now have to be king…

King Oldrik 'the Worthy' of Poland and Pomerania

I didn't expect to play YOU so early!
Oldrik Renart (June 21, 1110 - July 23 1177) became King of Poland on August 7th, 1124 after the sudden death of his mother. An intelligent and handsome man, he is looked back as a good king to the Polish people to this day, and the people of Poland were happy during his rule. He was also known for being a pious king, converting the pagans of Pomerania to the Christian faith. This was commemorated with the building of a great cathedral in Garwolin, which was dedicated in his honor. Another part of his reign was the Conversion of Pomerania, in which he crusaded against the northern pagans.
Oldrick was also known for many of his building projects, particularly within Krakow and Warsaw. Before his rule, Poland was seen as a backwards land to the western Europeans, as it was incredibly undeveloped, its people lived in poverty, and sickness would avail across it. Thanks to Oldrik, many hospices, churches, and castles were built which brought great wealth and prosperity to the realm.
In particular, Oldrik noticed how strategic the lands of Warsaw were. At first it was merely a small village. However, during his reign, he built a mighty castle there and it would soon develop into a strategic city.
On the 7th of August of 1124, Oldrick, then 14 years old, was off hunting when his pregnant mother died of a sudden heart attack, to the shock of everyone in the court. The physicians tried to revive her, but to no avail. The young boy was crowned the King of Poland when he returned to Krakow the same week, though he was frightened of what had just happened. Talks of rebellion stirred within the nobles, particularly his aunt Bia, who was seeking to claim the throne of Poland for herself.
Which is why Oldrik took a strategic gamble and married his aunt Bia, the duchess of Lausitz, in 1126 when he became a man. She would bear a majority of his children, and the marriage was seen as happy, though they were about 6 years apart in age. However, this would prove an important alliance, as the former friend of King Otger, Prince Witosz Piast, would betray the family and sought to take the throne of Poland for himself.
November 8th of that year Prince Witosz staged his rebellion against the young Oldrik Renart. Historians view this as the “last hurrah” for the House of Piast. Witosz had the support of the remaining Polish nobility while Oldrik was supported by the loyal German counts under his rule in northern Germany.
Witosz was reported to have claimed the former King Otger was a “temporary” monarch set by the Pope, but that it was proper time for the Piasts to take over the throne. King Oldrik disputed this, asserting that it was the will of God, and his divine task, to rule the Polish people. Oldrik took to learning the Polish tongue and dressing himself in traditional Polish noble clothing to assert his place to the people of his realm.
The civil war started by Witosz Piast lasted two years, but he saw his end at the fields outside of Warsaw when he would be captured on the 12th of February, 1128, by Oldrik’s army. The Treaty of Warsaw had Witosz give up his claims to the throne of Poland. Oldrik traveled to meet the prince a few days later. Oldrik, who had heard Witosz slander the name of his grandfather and murder one of his kinsmen, reportedly spoke only a few words to his grandfather’s former “friend.” Witosz would be executed by beheading for his treachery, thus ending the Piast dynasty’s rule over Poland for good.
When he rode toward the village of Warsaw with his host, he was greeted by the peasantry who declared him “worthy of the crown of Poland” and applauded him. Thus he gained his historical moniker. King Oldrik from then on took interest in the village, and ordered a castle built on the field of which Witosz was defeated.
In the following years, Oldrik would fall in love with his step-grandmother Weslikan, and would find himself having a bastard son named Ulinniks with her in 1131. He hid the existence of this boy for years until he became a court chronicler. He was responsible for the additions of the reign of Oldrik in the Renaltnomicron. He would have another son, Glande, with her, to which he also hid his existence.
He also began to love Queen Bia, his wife, and had many children with her during this time. Bia would also seduce her husband and would often control how he ruled, gaining her the moniker “the Enchantress” for her beauty and cunning.
In 1137, the duke of Moravia, Wlost Dunin, murdered Oldrik’s daughter Bia. He would be excommunicated for this act, and then was imprisoned. His titles were taken and he was sent into exile, never to be seen again. King Oldrik would take special care of the town of Warsaw, which he continued to develop. In the same year, Oldrik went to war with Duke Kasper II of Nordmark (a notable pagan prince in Pomerania) to reclaim the duchy of Greater Poland. The war went on until 1140, where Duke Kasper would be defeated, and his lands taken.
Now King Oldrik, though he was not righteous in his acts of adultery, he still believed himself to be a “King David” of his day. He believed he was a man after God’s own heart. He sought to destroy the pagans to his north, who had a great idol in Arkona and worshiped there. This would begin what was known as the Christianization of Pomerania, who allied with the Teutonic Knights who were gifted land in Prussia.
29 November, 1149 was the day that King Oldrik moved against Duke Kasper II of Nordmark once again, this time with the backing of the Teutonic Knights. The war would end on the 5th of May, 1153 with Kasper seeing defeat and dethronement, losing the Duchy of Veletia and being forced to convert, and then was exiled. King Oldrik declared himself King of the Pomeranians, and in an act of change, he traveled to Arkona, to the island of Rana, and ordered the idol to Svetovit torn down.
Based.
In the spring of the next year, 1154, Countess Marketa of Pomerania was invaded by the Teutonic knights and King Oldrik, and was forced to convert and submit herself to the rule of King Oldrik.
Not every pagan ruler took kindly to the destruction of the idol at Rana. Count Zbigniew of Pomerania had Queen Bia murdered in October of 1155 as an act of defiance, and declared it was for the glory of Svetovit. He then openly rebelled with the other pagan counts in November, seeking to dethrone Oldrik as King of Pomerania. Once again the Teutonic Knights came to the aid of Oldrik, and together the Polish forces and Teutons were enamored in a religious war for the fate of the pagans.
King Oldrik riding in battle against the remaining pagan counts.
The war lasted until January of 1158. Zbigniew would be captured for his treachery against the queen in the county of Radom by the Teutonic knights. Zbigniew would be executed for the murder of Queen Bia, and his lands revoked. The Pomeranian lands were granted to Oldrik’s eldest son, Miesko, who was thought to be in line for being king.
In 1159, King Oldrik joined the crusade against Zaphoriza against the Tengrist pagans. He would lose the Battle of Tor, (which saw him critically injured and nearly die, though he pulled through), though it would ultimately be a victory for the crusaders, and Oldrik’s son in law, Pawel Renalt, would be made the crusader king over the lands.
The 9th May, 1166, marked the last of the pagans of Pomerania defeated, Count Bedrich, of Santok. The polish armies raided Santok and would capture Count Bedrich, who would be converted to Christianity and forced to submit to the authority of King Oldrik that following August. Legend has it that the Cathedral of Garwolin’s final stone was laid on the day Count Bedrich converted, leading to the end of Slavic paganism in the Baltics and Poland.
Legends arose about the cathedral, and Oldrik’s apparent nature in being a holy warrior against the northern pagans. Stories arose about him committing miracles against the pagans. As the chronicler Ulliniks wrote of the legend: “Oldrik devoted himself to God and acted entirely in his will. Every Christian wandered the land with the name ‘Oldrik’ on their lips, telling tales of constant holy happenings in his name. Here it is written in Krakow, on the 20th of August in the Year of our Lord 1173.”
He continued. “The roads of the faithful were accosted by the godless, and with a blessed blade Oldrik did chase them away. But yet wild beasts and serpents would still wander onto the path and do injury to the faithful, so Oldrik did pull out his trumpet and charm God’s creations out the lands.”
“King Oldrik was visited by God who directly spoke to him about the nature of Creation and the beauty of finite life. He emerged from this legendary confrontation a changed man, at peace with the fleeting nature of life and the peace of heaven.”
In some sense, this was true. Oldrik would seize his adulterous ways after the defeat of the pagans, seeking a pious life. In his elder years, he commissioned the building of a palace in Krakow and continued to develop Warsaw, eventually seeing it become an important, strategic city in the wake of further wars to come. It would also mark the end of the Piasts, and cement the rule of the Renart dynasty as the rulers of Poland.
On the 23rd of July, 1177, King Oldrik would die in his sleep, his old age finally getting to him. In his will, he marked his third eldest son, Wielslaw, to be his heir, instead of his oldest son Miesko. To Miesko instead he was given the Kingdom of Pomerania to rule. Thus the lands would be partitioned.
Thus far, House Renart has control over the Kingdoms of Poland, Pomerania, and Zaphoriza.
Should we continue this save and see what other shenanigans I get into as Poland? Didn't expect to get into Poland but here I am...
submitted by CrinkleDink to CrusaderKings [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:32 JeDuDi Two guys looking to form a new band, Post Punk/Darkwave/Rock

Two guys starting out a post-punk/darkwave project. I (Jesse) am on guitar, and Michele (pronounced Michael) on bass. We live down in West Salem. We have three demo tracks so far with a couple more in the works:
https://drive.proton.me/urls/JV64XYAM8R#KrxOaXdJBg8i
My biggest inspiration for writing lately has been Geordie Walker from Killing Joke. I want to keep the music dark and spooky but still jamming. Vocals in the same style of some singing and some screaming. (I don't know how to describe Jaz Coleman's style of vocals, but I really like his early work)
I bought an ESP semi-hollow for this project that I have tuned to D Standard. I have a drum set to practice at my house if need be, but I'd prefer a practice space elsewhere. I've been playing guitar since 2004. I have some experience on drums as well, and I also have decent experience recording and mixing music. I'm not aiming to go on a global tour with this project. I'd simply like to find good musicians to join up with, record some music, and play shows along the west coast. I've probably played about 100 gigs in my life so far.
Expecting to form a four or five piece band. Guitars (me), Bass (Michele), Drums, Keys, Vocals.
Please have a listen and shoot me a message if you're interested. Let me know who you are, where you are, and something to listen to from your past work. Feel free to download these demos and play along if you have ideas. The drums are not permanent, so if you're a drummer you have free reign rewrite the parts.
submitted by JeDuDi to portlandmusic [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:30 repulsive-ardor They Answered The Call-Part Thirteen

Republic 7th Fleet, Centaurus Sector, 407 light years from Earth
RSS Vercingetorix, Independence-Class Carrier, 2174 A.D.
Vice-Admiral Mei Zhou had just finished making the final changes to the fleet’s reconnaissance patrol routes with her senior staff when the comm panel on her desk chirped, displaying an incoming comm request from Admiral Thompson. She quickly thumbed the pad being offered by her aide so that he could issue the orders they were just working on and turned to the rest of her staff. “Nice job, people. Let’s get to work. Dismissed.” As the staff filed out the door, she started entering the codes needed to decrypt the incoming comm channel and looked up to make sure the room was empty. She pressed the open channel icon, and Admiral Thompson’s holo image appeared in front of her desk, ending just below his waist and making it seem as if he was actually there, sitting.
“Mei, how’s your new ship treating you?” he asked, smiling. “She is an absolute beauty, Karl. I still can’t believe that she is mine.” She responded, returning his smile. “What can I do for you, Karl?” Thompson chuckled, and his holo image leaned back as he reclined in his chair. “Straight to business; I always liked that about you, Mei. Alright, here we go. We have received intelligence reports that the Commonwealth has begun evacuating one of their last remaining coreward periphery worlds that is now dangerously close to the expanded Insectoid border. We have also received an update from our spy drones in that same region that six Hive ships and almost four hundred cruisers that were patrolling their side of that border area have disappeared. This is too much of a coincidence, and I want you to detach a combat patrol and send them there.” Thompson finished speaking, and a flashing icon popped up on her comm panel, indicating that she had just received new orders. She tapped it and quickly scanned the new orders as the admiral waited. She looked up at his holo image. “Karl, I acknowledge receipt of the new orders and will implement them. Between me and you, why are we getting involved with this? The Commonwealth has a navy, and they should be fighting to protect their space. We can’t keep coming to the rescue and defending their members; we are already spread too thin as it is.”
Thompson nodded his head in agreement. “Mei, I agree with you in principle, but there are social and political considerations involved here. The near extinction of the V’rni has caused considerable turmoil among the citizens of the Republic. They know logically that we could not have stopped such an attack like that one, but the perceived failure to protect them or prevent the attack still weighs heavily on their souls. The Commonwealth is currently attempting to evacuate the Jaleen system, and they are one of the last surviving members that voted yes before our petition to join the Commonwealth was denied. It also doesn’t help that the Jaleeni are avowed pacifists and look like bipedal Newfoundland dogs. They are technically a bear-like species, but to humans, they look like humanoid dogs, and the government is unwilling to lose the popular support it currently enjoys by allowing the Jaleeni to be exterminated. I mean, look at these guys.”
Another flashing icon popped up on her screen a moment later, and she pressed it. It turned into a hologram depicting a typical Jaleeni family of a mother and father with a litter of six pups, and she couldn’t help but smile as she looked at the photo. They were wearing their traditional rough-spun linen clothes that made them look like dogs cosplaying as monks. They looked adorable, and she felt her heart melt while staring into their deep brown eyes, which looked sad. She understood the reasoning behind it, especially after the mass extinctions that occurred in Earth’s biosphere because of World War 3.
After the war, humanity had an awakening when they surveyed their destroyed world and came to terms with the disappearance of thousands of species and the near extinction of thousands of others. What followed were three generations of desperate measures to salvage what remained and a worldwide effort at habitat restoration and de-extinction efforts utilizing a wide array of methods such as back-breeding, cloning, and genome editing. Dogs were almost driven to extinction by the war as they were uniquely susceptible to the BioChem weapons that were developed and refined by the Eastern Coalition animal testing on poor innocent canine subjects. Between the Biochem weapons, owner deaths, abandonment, and starvation, almost 90% of the domesticated canine population and entire breeds were lost by the war’s end. Cats fared much better, but they still suffered a loss of almost half of their pre-war population, and a large percentage of the survivors reverted to a feral state. The result of all of this was an almost religious reverence for the preservation of sentient animal life on human worlds and a somewhat fanatical tendency of humans to take on the mantle of guardians for sapient alien species that resembled animals to them.
“Karl, I understand; I do. I just don’t like the fact that we are operating on so many fronts. Some of our fleets and task forces are patrolling areas far enough away that I worry about them getting reinforcements on time if they are attacked, and now my fleet is being partitioned to send a combat patrol almost three hundred light-years away from our current position. After the assault on the V’rn system, half of our combat power was recalled to Republic space to prevent the same thing from happening to us, and yet we are still being tasked with properly defending Eleani and Xenxin territory with half the ships we had before. Have they lost their damn minds at HQ?” She realized she was almost yelling at the admiral, and Mei took a deep breath, recognizing that her outburst was unbecoming of a Republic naval officer. She attempted to quickly apologize to Admiral Thompson. “Karl, I’m sorry that was uncalled for-“
The admiral raised a hand to stop her, an amused expression in his eyes. “Mei, I said the exact same thing to my boss as you did almost verbatim, and not as diplomatically as you, I might add. My concerns were addressed to my satisfaction, and I think yours will be when you get to your destination. There will be a task force joining you there, and I think you will be pleased. That is all I can say for now over the comms. You will lead the combat patrol to the coordinates listed in the orders you received, and the task force joining you there will fall under your command. I have a personal favor to ask of you. Please keep an open mind when you link up with the task force. You will rendezvous with Commodore Therax, and he is instrumental in our efforts to undermine the increasingly despotic Commonwealth government. More information about him and the Nekuli were added to your orders, make sure you review it. I took a big gamble on this, and I would be grateful if you did your best to make this collaboration work. That is all for now, and I wish you and your crews good fortune and godspeed, Mei. Take care of yourself.” The admiral finished speaking, and Mei noted the personal nature of his last few words, nodding an affirmative to his request.
“Admiral, I thank you for your words, and we won’t let you down. I need to issue the orders now to get there and link up with the task force on time. I’ll send a null space comm drone to the nearest relay to confirm our arrival and integration. Vice-admiral Zhou out.” As she leaned towards the comm panel to close the channel, she saw Admiral Thompson doing the same, and he gave her a wink and a mischievous smile before she pressed the icon, terminating the connection. She leaned back in her chair and blew out a deep breath. “Now what the hell was that all about?” She asked out loud to herself, as the confusing and secretive nature of her orders and the personal request of the admiral added to the uncertainty of what she was expected to do. She keyed her wrist pad and texted her aide to come back to her office for new orders. He was going to be livid that they just wasted half a day revising the patrol routes to maximize efficiency and increase their patrol range. A small smile crossed her lips as she waited. He had an obvious tell of his lower left eyelid spasming when he was mad despite displaying no emotions on his face, and she knew it drove him nuts that he couldn’t control it. Witnessing it was one of the small joys she had in her difficult job as vice-admiral, and she was looking forward to it.
Fifty-six hours later, her task force flashed out of null space at the designated coordinates and right on time. She felt a measure of pride as she watched her bridge crew go about confirming their location and verifying it with the navigational array and astrometric sensors. Once the navigator gave her confirmation that he verified their position, she turned towards the comms officer and ordered her to send a burst transmission with the pre-arranged code and waited for the response. A few seconds later, the comms officer raised her left hand and signaled receipt and confirmation of the code by the task force waiting in null space. An agonizingly long minute crawled along as she anxiously waited for her navigator to confirm the telemetry from his counterpart in the other task force as they verified their positions. The navigator activated the main viewscreen on the forward bulkhead as they waited. Suddenly, there were a multitude of exit flashes 200,000 kilometers from the bow of her carrier, and hundreds of warships appeared at a dead stop relative to her position.
Her jaw dropped as she took in the unexpected fleet in front of her. There were dozens of Commonwealth dreadnaughts, battleships, and heavy cruisers arrayed before her, as well as an additional one hundred and twenty light cruisers, destroyers, and missile frigates. On the flanks of the main formation, there were more exit flashes, and the bridge AI started categorizing them on the screen, and she saw that they were the new Eleani and Xenxin warships that she had been hearing about. They shared a design lineage with the Commonwealth ships, but there were definite differences that became obvious as they assumed their positions next to the Commonwealth navy ships. She was particularly intrigued by the Xenxin ships, as they seemed to be bristling with weapons, almost excessively so relative to their ship sizes. The Eleani ships seemed to have taken a different design philosophy, and they gave the impression of deadly speed and grace, and she was hard-pressed to spot any obvious weapons on their hulls despite the AI confirming that the ships were indeed well-armed.
There was another coded signal from null space that appeared on the comm station panel, and her comm officer turned to her. “Vice-admiral, we have received a coded message on the sigma frequency for your eyes only that requires biometric and voice verification to decrypt.” Zhou nodded and pressed a button on her arm panel, activating the privacy screen around her chair and feeling the pressure change as the bridge around her became opaque and silent. She pressed the biometric toggle on the panel, and a retinal scanner popped out of its alcove on the side. She leaned in and scanned her right eye first, then her left. An icon appeared on the screen, and she thumbed it as it flashed and confirmed the print. Finally, she spoke and addressed the bridge AI: “Suzy, please confirm the voice command for verification.” The AI answered immediately. -Of course, Vice-Admiral Zhou, please proceed.- “Zhou, one-red-seven-green-four-tango-alpha-zero. Execute.” -Voice command verified. Thank you, Vice-Admiral Zhou.-
A small holographic display popped up in front of her; the admiral appeared on the screen, and his pre-recorded message started playing. “Mei, I know all this cloak and dagger stuff seems excessive, but we couldn’t take any chances. The receipt of this message will activate a program in your bridge AI and allow it to take control of the new drone ships waiting for you in null space. They are a new class of upgraded null ships and are top secret. Your AI will anchor them to your task force, and they will follow you, remaining hidden in null space unless you absolutely need them.”
“There are also two troopships with them that are carrying a complement of two thousand Mark XII ATS Bio-Synths and an expeditionary brigade each of rangers and pathfinders in stasis. They are also to remain in null space unless circumstances require that you need them; they are an insurance policy for an ongoing mission in Insectoid space. The details of that are top secret as well and can be accessed with your AI. If the troopships are required for that mission, they are to be escorted by a detachment of null ships and sent there immediately. After you have met your task force counterpart, there are orders in this packet that are to be accessed by you both and executed. I have the utmost faith in you, Mei, and I can’t wait to take you out to dinner again when we can both coordinate our next leave together. Thompson out.”
The hologram message disappeared, and she waited a little longer to allow the blush from his last sentence to fade from her cheeks and suppress the smile that was trying to form on her face before she put on her command mask and lowered the privacy screen. The bridge crew was going about their usual tasks, trying hard not to seem interested in her top-secret message. “Comms, open a channel to the task force flagship, please.” The comm officer acknowledged the order, and a few seconds later, the Bridge of the Commonwealth flagship appeared on the viewscreen.
A Nekuli male was sitting in the command chair, resplendent in the uniform favored by Nekuli officers. He took a moment to look around her bridge before settling his eyes on her. He bowed his head slowly in a gesture of respect, which she returned in proper fashion. The proper courtesies having been observed, he raised his eyes to meet with hers and started speaking. “Vice-Admiral Zhou. May the ancestors grant you and your clan honor and good fortune. I am deeply honored to meet you, and I hope our integration is a successful endeavor. I now entrust the honor of myself and my crew to your safekeeping.” He remained stone still as he awaited her reply, and she tried to remember the proper return greeting that she had been studying during their trip here.
“Commodore Therax, the honor is mine, and I promise you that I shall never ask you or your crew to undertake any action that will bring dishonor to your clans and your ancestors. We are now joined as one; may our cause be just and pure.” She finished the response, and the gravity of what she just promised to someone she had never met before hit her hard; it felt almost sacred to her. Commodore Therax heard her proper reply, and he stood up, followed by the rest of his bridge crew. He addressed her again. “Our honor has been given, and we have received a promise to safeguard it in return. Our joining is now consecrated in the eyes of the ancestors, and you are now our clan leader. What are your orders?
She recovered from the ordeal of the emotionally charged exchange of vows and stood up to give her first order as clan leader to the Nekuli. “I request the presence of you and your senior staff aboard my ship tonight. I will prepare a feast to honor our new friendship and alliance. I have studied your cuisine, and I have found a selection of Earth cuisine that should suit your taste. It is called tartare and sashimi; I think you will like it.” Commodore Therax looked at her dubiously, and she had to stifle a laugh at his expression as she knew that he was imagining being forced to eat vegetables and overcooked meat out of politeness. She spoke quickly to assuage his fears. “Commodore, tartare, and sashimi are raw red meat and fish; I would never inflict vegetables and burnt meat on you or your crew; are we not friends?”
As his translator finished converting her words into his language, he smiled at her, baring all of his fangs in true happiness.
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2024.05.14 02:26 Mean_Emergency7955 Should I tell her?

Relationship help?
help!!!!! im so confused
i 14m like this girl in the samw year as me. but its so confusing so i’ll tell u the story first. (its a long one)
I’m from England and so is the girl i like. lets call her Julie. and we go to the same high school. one year an opportunity for an exchange was brought up. In October we’d spend 10 days at our exchange partner’s house in America and go to their school and go round the island learning about different things. Before this, i’d wanted to know who Julie was etc. and I’d kept her at the back of my mind. To my luck, Julie was also going to go on the exchange (There were 30 of us and there are 300 people in my year.) So after the snapchat group chat was made I very smoothly 🤣 slided into Julie’s DM’s. We just talked loads instantly and we were yet to talk in real life. (She is in the other half of the year so we didn’t have any classes.) Meeting after meeting about the trip and we still hadn’t talked. Eventually, the trip arrived and we were headed to heathrow from a local airprot and Heathrow to the airport in america. In the security bit we finally spoke. Julie made a joke as I scurried around trying to be as quick as possible. From there we just kept talking and we even talked on the plane (when she woke up). She was sat behind me and I was sat with a friend and us three talked.
I can’t remember all the details but basically, throughout the whole trip me and her talked the whole time and people always shipped us if you get what I mean. However, I do remember the airport back. We had a three hour wait time I think at the american airport. and we were going around in small groups of four or five and I just spontaneously chose to go around with Julie. Julie was with two of her other friends but we spent the whole three hours making tiktoks and laughing and joking about and we both really enjoyed it. Finally, we were back home and we proceeded to text until school came by again. This is where another recently solved problem comes around.
The last day of the trip there was a massive party and I met this girl lets call Bella. Me and Bella started texting from there and sort of started liking each other. By this point I really really liked Julie and never stopped thinking about her but never knew if she felt the same and was very cautious about it. However, me and Bella kind of died down after a week or so.
So it was back to me putting my full effort into liking Julie. At school we didn’t talk much be exchange the few words whenever I saw her. I was really nervous around her in real life and tried to do my best to make it discreet I liked her and directed my attention elsewhere while still having full attention on her. Yet we texted like crazy and full on as well. We would always joke around and call each other names jokingly and we were really really friendly. We didn’t talk as much in January and February but picked up again in March. I still really really really liked her again and in April we shared our ambitions and they pretty much matched up and we shared our ‘types’ and we described each other but were completely clueless we liked each other. It got a bit confusing because she liked me ( I later found out in June/July) but also mentioned this other guy so I got confused and then in June it got really really messy.
You remember Bella right? Well the American kids all came over to England this time and stayed with us. On the first few days me and Bella didn’t talk however we did one day and we kicked about a ball on a field where everyone on the exchange was hanging out after we had a football match. From there me and Bella hung out a lot together and did stuff together in class activities. We really liked each other and I no longer liked Julie. (It’s really important to keep in mind me and Bella didn’t know each other deeply etc.) However my feeling for Julie still remained a bit but slowly died out even when I still liked Bella the first few days. Anyways, me and Bella had held hands a few times etc. and when Bella went we hugged a lot. We weren’t into a relationship and a few days later we stated ‘talking’ (A state in which the relationship is similar to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but is not official.) and we called a lot. However a few problems arose when me and Bella discovered each other’s emotions and how we live and what we live by. It was present she was over reactive, over protective, quite mean (For example I’d talk about my day and she wouldn’t care and she’d talk about hers.), she also talked to a lot of other boys oddly (For example she blocked me sometimes and a few days later my friend was at the top of her best friend-list with a 😗 next to his name.) and she always had excuses. It just didn’t work for me and I wasn’t happy at all. Prior to me and Bella stopping talking me and Julie started to text again.
me and julie started to text again in about july 2023. (idk). julie had just got out of a relationship in august so i only started liking her again in september 2023. i tood my friends and obviously word spread but i always said i didnt infront of her so idk if she knew or not. anyway we still texted alot however another guy liked her who also texted her and there was a bit of competition. for a few months i didnt even know if i liked her, some days i would, some days i wouldnt and i was really conflicted. now, the ither guy and her dont really text much and so im not really bothered. we still both text each other loads and weve had eachother st the top of our best friends list for two weeks😂😂. anyways i have no idea if she likes me or not but i like her and were like best friends. feel free to ask any questions.
By the way the girl from american is completely out the picture. Julie doesnt know i like her.
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2024.05.14 02:25 Hot-Artist9429 help me

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .
submitted by Hot-Artist9429 to Infidelity [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:19 JeDuDi Two guys looking to form a new band, Post Punk/Darkwave/Rock

Two guys starting out a post-punk/darkwave project. I (Jesse) am on guitar, and Michele (pronounced Michael) on bass. We have three demo tracks so far with a couple more in the works:
https://drive.proton.me/urls/JV64XYAM8R#KrxOaXdJBg8i
My biggest inspiration for writing lately has been Geordie Walker from Killing Joke. I want to keep the music dark and spooky but still jamming. Vocals in the same style of some singing and some screaming. (I don't know how to describe Jaz Coleman's style of vocals, but I really like his early work)
I bought an ESP semi-hollow for this project that I have tuned to D Standard. I have a drum set to practice at my house if need be, but I'd prefer a practice space elsewhere. I've been playing guitar since 2004. I have some experience on drums as well, and I also have decent experience recording and mixing music. I'm not aiming to go on a global tour with this project. I'd simply like to find good musicians to join up with, record some music, and play shows along the west coast. I've probably played about 100 gigs in my life so far.
Expecting to form a four or five piece band. Guitars (me), Bass (Michele), Drums, Keys, Vocals.
Please have a listen and shoot me a message if you're interested. Let me know who you are, where you are, and something to listen to from your past work. Feel free to download these demos and play along if you have ideas. The drums are not permanent, so if you're a drummer you have free reign rewrite the parts.
submitted by JeDuDi to SALEM [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:11 0rafiki A reminder for this sub, especially the mods: hopeless, frustrated people sometimes like to commiserate about their problems on Reddit.

People will stop complaining about not having power for 4 (almost 5) days when they get electricity back. If you’re tired of reading people’s complaints about it keep scrolling, or, better yet, get off the internet and do something that doesn’t require electricity yourself.
If you get the urge to say something like “You’re lucky you just don’t have electricity. It could be a lot worse,” maybe just type it out and don’t hit send to let yourself vent, but rest assured, if that’s how you feel, then YOU are the asshole.
Feel free to revisit this old Reddit post for a thorough discussion on the topic: https://www.reddit.com/LifeProTips/s/5q7I1Jj4nM
I want to give my four year old a bath. I want to cook her a hot healthy meal in my home that costs 1/3 of my monthly income (more if you count UTILITIES). I want a safe comfortable place for her to be since all the daycares and schools are closed tomorrow.
This fucking sucks. Stop virtue signaling like we shouldn’t be complaining about how bad this fucking sucks. Stop hero worshiping the utility workers who are simply doing the jobs that they are trained to do, that they voluntarily agreed to do, and that they are being paid a living wage to do. Righteously complaining about the city of Tallahassee’s lack of transparency/adequate communication does not mean we don’t appreciate the utility workers.
There are apparently storms coming tomorrow morning that could undo a lot of the progress that was made repairing the electricity, so Tallahassee Reddit moderators, if you’re tired of all the posts complaining about the lack of electricity and the City of Tallahassee, let me play the worlds smallest violin as I look towards my 5th day of total fucking darkness.
submitted by 0rafiki to Tallahassee [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:09 Adventurous_City_839 B.D.U interview for Kstyle news: Won Mnet “Build Up” B․ D․ U will officially debut in the first half of this year, “It was a dream-like experience… I will save up the prize money”

The winning team of Mnet's survival program Build Up'',HunMinJayBit'', will embark on a new challenge as a vocal group, BDU.
BDU members JAY CHANG, ONE PACT, Bitsaeon (MONT), Seunghoon (CIX), and Kim Min-seo recently held an interview at the OSEN building and talked about their thoughts on winning Mnet's ``Build Up.''
Build Up,'' which recently ended airing in South Korea, is a survival program in which talented singers who are confident in their vocals and love singing, regardless of genre, collaborate to create the best four-member vocal boy group. Jay, Bisseon, Seunghoon, and Kim Min-seo, who worked together asHeungmin Jaebit'' on the program, overcame fierce competition to win and will debut as a four-member group, BDU.
The four members said, As our first official schedule, we took a profile picture.We are preparing an album for the first half of the year, so we have received the songs and are listening to them.''They added,We will soon start living in the dormitory.'' I told him about the current situation.
When asked about his thoughts on winning, Bisseon said, I'm very happy.I was happy because I won first place for the first time in my life, and I'm glad that there are other members who can do it together.Everyone worked hard inBuild Up.'' , I'm glad that I was able to achieve a result that feels worth it even though I worked so hard. I would also like to thank all the fans." Seunghoon continued, ``I couldn't believe it at the moment I won.It would be great if I could win, but that wasn't my goal, so I'm grateful that the group was formed.I cherish the stage.'' I felt satisfied that I was able to do this because I practiced while thinking about it.I would also like to express my gratitude to all the fans who have supported me from the beginning."
Jay also said, I was happy to appear on the showBuild Up,'' meet some wonderful friends, and stand on a great stage.I'm happy to be able to sing as BDU thanks to the fans.'' From now on, we will do our best to show only our cool side to the fans who chose us."
Kim Min-seo said, I didn't expect to win either, but it felt like a dream and I was so happy. I had an experience that I'll never have again, so I think it's an important memory that will stay in my life. We're happy to be able to work together. Since you've supported us, we need to repay you, so we'll do our best." BDU is an abbreviation forBoys Define Universe,'' and it means that four people, each with different personalities, will come together to create a new universe. For two years, they plan to release music and albums as well as conduct various activities including touring in Korea and globally.
In particular, the winning team of Build Up'' will be awarded a prize of 100 million won (approximately 8.9 million yen). The members revealed that they have not yet received their prize money, but plan to divide it equally. Bisseon said,The prize money has a lot of meaning and is precious money.I want to give back to the people who helped me and put the rest in my bankbook and just look at it.''
Jay also said, I want to give back to the people who supported me and save money for the rest,'' and Seunghoon said,I don't care about the amount, but it's the first time I've won first place, so I think it's a waste to spend it.'' The money means so much to me that I haven't thought about it yet." Kim Min-seo said, ``I also feel like it would be a waste to spend it.Even if I actually receive a lot of money, it would be a waste to spend it because it was money from winning 'Build Up,' so I would like to thank all the people who supported me. I think I'll buy him some food and save the rest," he added.
HunMinJayBit, which was formed by Jay's selection of members, has emerged as a group with solid talent, visuals, and ability as an all-rounder. Regarding the selection criteria for the members, Jay said, ``I wanted to create a group with all-rounders who can do a wide range of things.Since I'm from the same company as Bisseon, I've been watching him for a long time, and I've seen him sing in a variety of genres. I had watched a lot of them, and I thought we would get along well with each other, so I chose Seunghoon right away.He showed a new side from the beginning to the end of the show, so I think Minseo was exactly what you would call an all-rounder. However, he continued to show that he was a trainee.I felt that he had a lot of potential, and I chose him after seeing his growth.Even though I wasn't the first to choose him, I had high hopes for him. I'm very happy that I was able to choose the members who will do it."
When asked about his future plans, Seunghoon said, ``Although there are no specific dates yet, we are planning to release an album in the first half of the year, and are making various preparations.This year's goal is to release two albums. We're planning to perform music that makes use of our vocals, which is our strength. No matter how difficult the songs are to dance to, we'll be performing them using handheld microphones."
Regarding the group BDU, Bisseon said, We are the main vocalist in each group, but each group has its own color and style, so I think I've only shown a limited style.This time, I'd like to introduce the main vocalist, a person who likes singing. Now that we have come together, we would like to do a variety of activities on stage and music where we can showcase our individual vocals.Although we all have different colors, there is a synergy that emerges when we come together. So, when our fans listen to it, we want to give them high-quality music that will make them think that we are the winners of vocal survival." The members have appeared on various survival programs such asBOYS PLANET'', PEAK TIME'', andYG TREASURE BOX'', but what prompted them to try out for another audition program?
Kim Min-seo said, Originally, I was a trainee, but I was rejected from the debut group, so I decided not to become an idol.However, I wanted to do music, so I was alone for about a year. I was struggling, but there were many difficult times, and I was unsure about things, so I think I needed some inspiration.At that time, the opportunity to appear onBuild Up'' came and I received the offer. I said I would do it right away, and I worked actively on it." Jay said, WhenBOYS PLANET'' ended last year, there was a part of me that doubted whether I had been able to show them enough.When the opportunity for Build Up'' came, I thought I would be able to do it well enough. I decided to appear on the show because I thought I could prove my vocal ability.'' Seunghoon said,I gained a lot from appearing on 'YG Treasure Box' six years ago.At that time, I was able to hit high notes. I wasn't able to do it, but I was able to hit high notes throughout the show.When I heard that ``Build Up'' was a vocal show, I wanted to try my hand at that.''
Bisseon also said, I recently appeared on a survival show, and I thought I would never do it again, but when I heard that it was a vocal survival show, I wanted to try it. Although there was some pressure, I took on the challenge because I thought that regardless of whether I got a good result throughBuild Up'' or not, the experience would have a positive influence on my singing in the future.'' Except for Kim Min-seo, who was a trainee, Bisseon belonged to MONT, Seunghoon belonged to CIX, and Jay belonged to ONE PACT, and they were already active as an idol group.
Seunghoon said, All the members supported me. They told me to come on the show and show what I wanted to show, and they encouraged me to do well without getting nervous every round.'' I was able to do so well because of that kind of support.'' Jay also said,From the beginning, the members supported me very hard and gave me a lot of advice.They supported me and wanted me to show it to the world, so I was able to give a lot of my strength.'' talked.
Bisseon said, At each new round, I shared with the members how to present the stage and received a lot of advice.I received a lot of strength.When the winning team was announced at the end of the final, the members also "I was there, but it felt strange. They were happy together." When asked about the most memorable reaction, Seunghoon said,One of the things that was a little difficult for me while appearing on ``Build Up'' was that people looked at me in a slightly negative way after I decided to appear on this show.'' There were some people there who were our fans, so it was mentally tough for me," he said. ) The painful feeling started to feel rewarding. It was a great opportunity for people to get to know me and the team, and I felt like I was accomplishing that goal. I felt better, and I think I've enjoyed it more since then," he said frankly.
Finally B․ D․ When asked about his goals as a member of the U, he said, I definitely want to go to the award ceremony at the end of the year, either this year or next.It's a place where I can show off my vocals, so I definitely want to go.'' I want to show it to you.'' Bisseon expressed confidence,I want to hold a solo concert in Korea during B․D․U's promotion period and fill a large stadium.''
Next, Jay said, When I was young, I dreamed of becoming a singer because of the songs of various singers. I would be happy if B․D․U could be a group that had that kind of influence.'' Kim Min Seo said, I would be happy if our music made it onto the charts. Our goals are big and we want to rank No. 1."
https://twitter.com/Kstyle_news/status/1789972591274598622?t=wTqhKywqwknISv_n7UkGAg&s=19
submitted by Adventurous_City_839 to buildup [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:57 cinna6on I 27F am debating breaking up with my bf M27 of ten years?

So, been together since we were 16, both nerds and tend to stay inside most of the time. I’ve always been bored w our level of excitement, our sex life, (intimate maybe once a month- he never finishes due to anti depression meds, or lack of stamina) but he is kind and generous.
The whole time we’ve been together his employment hasn’t lasted longer than two years at a time. He attempted college but dropped out after a year or so due to lack of interest. He has gone for a handful of counselling sessions years ago at my ultimatum. He deals w depression and lack of motivation, anxiety and has a successful family whom care for him a lot but are obviously concerned. Going to family events is embarrassing as they always ask where his job status is, if he will go to school etc. I feel ashamed to admit I have to leave those conversations because I’m embarrassed. I love him so so so so much. We have four cats and are debt free, not engaged (yes that bothers me too) and don’t file as common law since that would cost more. (Live in British Columbia) His most recent job lost a contract so he’s had maybe 1-2 hrs work this last month. It’s probably the 4th-5th time he has been unemployed- he won’t apply for min wage jobs because he feels he doesn’t need to and he could get a mill labour job if it was desperate. I asked him today how long he can go for on his savings (he claims he’s living off a separate savings fund than the 110k he supposedly has invested) and he replied he can live comfortably for another six to eight weeks. I was so disappointed to hear him declare that. I told him I simply disagreed with his plans but do not want to argue.
So how do I protect my own peace while I wait on him? I’m anxious throughout the day or depressed thinking about the state of our lives. He has yelled at some people in public too recently while I was him because they were “discourteous” in some way- and yet I question why he holds his head high while unemployed ? I have not told him many of my thoughts- through previous phases of unemployment I already have and it never led to anything but push back and him feeling bad about himself. I want to stay because one it’s comfortable, it’s all I know and I fear I would regret it. When he is employed he shows good work ethic until he is bored and then he quits or the work dries up. He is nice. But I just don’t know. We didn’t even hav sex on our ten year anniversary. He said it was late and he was tired. We had been booked at a resort and yet. Nothing. We hardly seem to agree on things. I’m constantly bowing out of attempting to do things because he says he will do it. Sorry this is a mess. I kinda feel like throwing up writing it all down. How do I protect my peace if I stay or if I ask for a break? Would a break be enough push to get him to be willing to be uncomfortable for a short term job?
submitted by cinna6on to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:56 Significant-Usual-98 Noah The Pilgrim - Chapter 1-2: The Odyssey

Noah The Pilgrim
First Next
There is one last thing to do before leaving. If you don't recall ever being on this ship, then surely, you could have had your appearance change too.
Why was there a blanket covering a mirror? You couldn't answer that with a straight face without speculation.
"Probably me being lazy and not bothering to properly place it in the wardrobe."
'Probably' is the main focus here, you simply cannot remember ever being that lazy, yet that's the only logical conclusion to be drawn here.
You pull the thing off, careful to not displace the mirror and risk breaking it.
You have no expectations as to what may appear on the glassy surface of the mirror, yet you can't help but feel a bit anxious. Are you the same as before? How were you before? You can't remember. Are you better? Worse? The blanket is now completely off the mirror, but your eyes are closed.
Whatever is it that you see when you open your eyes, that thing will be you for the rest of your life. You swallow, opening your eyes.
You see a young man that looks to be in his mid-twenties. His brown eyes stare back at you, analyzing the bags beneath your eye sockets. The dark hair is neither too long nor too short, floating about without order thanks to the lack of gravity to keep it down. You see a beard that has not been trimmed for weeks, but also lacks thickness, each singular hair isn't particularly long either; and some even appear to be in-grown.
You touch your hand against your face, making sure it's yours. The beard doesn't feel like you supposed it would against your skin, instead of it scraping your hand you feel softness, no resistance or anything.
Just beneath the face, you see what looks like a hate crime against all that is considered holy in fashion. Plain white coveralls with the added bonus of a black tie and boots made from metal and leather. On your chest is also a badge stuck in place by velcro with your name, occupation, and crew. 'NOAH - INTERN - THE ODYSSEY.'
Only one question came to mind.
"Who the fuck designed this uniform?" You say out loud, receiving no answer.
Patting your newfound myriad of pockets, you find a large quantity of nothing. You place your wallet in one of them.
"Alright, I'll head to the bridge now, happy?" You say the AI.
"HAPPINESS WILL ONLY MEET ME ONCE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE SAFE AND YOUR CONTRACT IS TERMINATED. STOP LOITERING."
Well, that's a bit rude.
You compose yourself, straightening your back. This is what you look like, and honestly? Not too bad, but you could be better.
Returning to the cafeteria, you eye the two doors left unexplored; Communications and the one without plaque. You know where you should, but... A little peek doesn't hurt, right?
"Shouldn't we try to communicate with someone? Assuming you haven't tried it yet. I know we're far from everything, but we might as well, no?" You ask already approaching the door.
"COMMUNICATIONS ROOM IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REACH WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION AS OF NOW, IT'S LOCATED APPROXIMATELY TWO HUNDRED METERS FROM HERE, BLOWN OFF FROM THE REST OF THE SHIP." A shame really. "I SHALL INFORM YOU WHENEVER A DOOR LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE OR NOT."
You really want to ask what blew a whole segment of the ship off, yet you have a sneaking suspicion that your question will be met with a 'YOU DON'T HAVE CLEARANCE, JACKASS' directly in your face. So you chose to remain silent, simply nodding and approaching the correct door this time.
"Open."
---OPENING CAFETERIA DOOR NORTH---
The door silently opens.
Greeting you is a well-lit corridor. There are three doors on your left, a door at the end of the corridor, and a large window on the right. At least, you think that's a window.
You stare out from this window, nothing but utter blackness and fragments from your ship are seen. If this is the edge of the universe, and beyond this point, there is truly nothing. "Dreadful." Your speech matches your feelings.
"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" The AI says. You feel like it spoke in a mocking tone despite their lack of emotion.
You don't answer. "First door to the left... EXO-EXPLORATION...? What's that supposed to mean?" You receive no answer.
"Open." The door opens. No declarion of it opening once again.
You are met with what could be better described as 'Apocalyptic levels of mess', paper sheets float in the air, and not one of the four tables is in its correct position.
This room has been ransacked for all its goods apparently. Large display glasses were broken leaving nothing inside their casings, that looked like they could store something with the size of the common man.
Unusual displays aside, the room was so cluttered that the trash made for an effective smoke screen against what lay on the other side.
Hissing of gas exiting an air-tight space rang throughout the room.
"I HAVE OPENED THE STORAGE FOR AN EXO SUIT THAT BEST FITS SOMEONE YOUR SIZE." The AI says. "ALTHOUGH AN INTERN SHOULD NOT COME IN CONTACT WITH TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS THIS ONE, PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT I AM TO ALLOW ITS USAGE UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY."
Easier said than done. Your vision is so cluttered that you cannot see what's ahead. "Give me a second."
Giving a light kick to the wall behind, you float face-first into the wall of thrash. Covering your face with both arms, you brace through the harmless bits of sharp objects and junk.
It's a trivial task. You arrive on the other side in no time.
In front of you is a set of boxes with luminous glass rectangles atop each one of them. All shine a bright red light, aside from one which shines green.
'Gotta be this one.'
You descend to the floor by kicking the ceiling, raising your right hand you touch the green rectangle.
*Click*
Nothing could have prepared you for the following series of events.
The box opens violently, as a metal appendage takes hold of your hand, pinning it to the box. You try to jerk and pry the thing off of you, but you fail. It's not leaving you anytime soon.
From the bottomless that is that container, a white plastic-like substance flows upward from your arm to the rest of your body. "Uh!" You don't know if you should panic or allow it to happen.
FYARN hasn't said anything, so it's probably fine...
The white thing seems to ignore the coveralls you are wearing completely, instead, it covers only your skin in a thin coat of... it. You know not what to call this thing.
In but forty seconds it has covered your whole body, excluding your head. The box lets go of your arm and stays there, floating.
You take a good look at your arms. It looks like a skin-tight suit, but it doesn't feel like plastic, in fact, it's more akin to some sort of fabric if anything.
The only bad part is that you are still using the coverall and tie, this this simply went beneath the clothing.
"GOOD, WITH THIS I CAN MONITOR YOU MORE CLOSELY. NOW PUT THE HELMET ON, YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO."
You look around in search of anything that even resembles a helmet. Nope. Nothing. "Where is it?" You ask.
"...THE SUIT COMES WITHIN THE HELMET FOR EASIER PACKAGING."
The box?
You snatch the box that floated around and analyze it to the best of your ability. "How's this a helmet?"
"DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE PUTTING ON A HELMET? REALLY?"
Who is this AI, Who programmed it, and Why does it come with a taunting feature?
As idiotic as it sounds, you place the opened box atop your head. It doesn't fit properly. Maybe you're doing this wrong? You move it to your face instead.
You recoil backward as you feel the box suddenly clamping down against your head. It's useless of course, the box is holding your head and doesn't give any sign to be letting go anytime soon. No light is able to reach your eyes.
You hear metal parts scraping against themselves, moving near your ears. Abruptly your eyes can see again.
A round thin layer of glass now covers your head, almost unnoticeable for how clear it is.
"WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY I CAN NOW SEE WHAT YOU SEE." The AI's voice isn't in the room now, instead, it's inside of the suit. "DO YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING THIS SUIT'S FUNCTIONALITIES?"
You find it oddly comfortable as if you are surrounded by the softness of cotton, and to top it off the suit also has additional functionalities? "Hell yeah, I do!"
"YOU DO NOT HAVE THE NECESSARY CLEARANCE FOR THAT INFORMATION."
You sigh. Is this serious? "Then why the fuck did you ask?!"
"UNSAVORY LANGUAGE. IT'S NO WONDER WHY YOU REMAIN AN INTERN." The AI says outright. "IT IS RUDE NOT TO ASK, REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION." It responds to your question.
"Okay then... Is there anything I need to know before heading out?" You ask.
"NOTHING THAT YOU WON'T FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN."
You are unsure if you want to 'figure out on your own' if this suit comes with breathable air and is also made for space exploration. You swallow.
Meekly as always, you get out of that mess of a room, stopping at the corridor.
"Next set of directions?" You ask.
"THE DOOR AT THE END OF CORRIDOR USED TO LEAD TO THE CONNECTING CORRIDORS BETWEN THE BRIDGE AND THE REST OF THE SHIP. IT HAS BEEN BLOWN UP FROM THE INSIDE. NOW IT LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE. GO TO THE DOOR AND WAIT BY IT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS."
"So let me get this straight," You begin, looking upwards as if the AI was above you. "You, want me, to go into the void of space, while also refusing to give me knowledge of the suit's functions?"
A fair worry, you summarize.
'I mean, there are a bunch of things that could go wrong here. I don't see anything that looks like it could help me move in space, nor do I think this thing has a built-in air tank... I could be wrong and I wish to be, but charging in without prior knowledge is ridiculous.' You wait for the AI's response, deep in thought.
"WHILE THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF YOU FAILING THIS TASK, THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE OF YOU *NOT* FAILING THE TASK. FOCUS ON EITHER ONE OF YOUR CHOOSING AS YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE."
Wordlessly, you propel yourself forward, toward the end of the corridor.
'Are you shitting me? 'Chance of me nor failing' my ass!' of course, you don't word those complaints, instead choosing to speak out a complaint somewhat thought through.
"Are you sure I'm the one fit for this? It's just like you said, I'm just an intern, this is way above what my job description says I should do."
This is a bit of a stretch. You don't actually remember what was your job description, only that it had something to do with AI and being an intern.
If the AI called your bluff, it'd be pretty embarrassing.
"NOAH." The AI began. "YOU ARE HUMAN, IT IS NATURAL TO HAVE THESE THOUGHTS OF SELF-DOUBT. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO THROUGH THAT DOOR, AND SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE LEFT, DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU."
Right in the money, huh? 'Of course, I have self-doubt! I barely remember anything about this place, now I have to risk my life?!'
You finally reach a conclusion.
A dream.
'Yes, yes! How did I not consider this before? This whole thing is a god damned dream!'
You let out a chuckle.
"NOAH."
'That's why I don't remember a thing. There is nothing here to remember! Everything here is a made-up thing from my brain! I'm sure I'll wake up at some point, so why shouldn't I live a little?!'
"Heh." You smile. "Alright, I'll do it." It feels like a weight left your shoulders.
"YOU SORTED IT OUT SOONER THAN EXPECTED. GOOD. MOVE TO THE DOOR AND WAIT INSTRUCTIONS."
You do as instructed without a care in the world. You never had a lucid dream before so it's not like you knew how it felt, but if it felt as free as you feel right now, you'd be sure to make steps toward trying it out again in the future.
"Open." The door does not open.
"I DID NOT INSTRUCT YOU TO OPEN IT YET." The AI said. "I AM SLOWLY DE-PRESSURISING THE CORRIDOR YOU ARE IN TO AVOID A MINOR ACCIDENT."
The AI says that yet you don't feel any different. 'Maybe there is no palpable difference because I'm in a dream... Yes... Or it's just the suit.'
"ONCE THE DOOR OPENS, YOU WILL BE MET WITH THE OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP. DO NOT PANIC WHEN THE TIME COMES. YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES OF BREATHABLE INSIDE THE EXO-SUIT; ONE AFTER THE DOOR OPENS, SO PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME AND DO THINGS CAREFULLY."
One minute outside... "Sure." You say, calmly. 'I should just hold my breath for a while before taking another moment to breathe. That should maximize my time out there.'
"THERE SHOULD BE FIFTY METERS OF NOTHINGNESS BETWEEN THE DOOR YOU'RE AT, AND THE REST OF THE BRIDGE. YOUR PRIORITY IS TO FIND AN OXYGEN UNIT, SOME OF THEM ARE LOCATED AT THE BRIDGE AND ARE FULL. USE THEM TO FILL YOUR SUIT AND ALSO TO DISPENSE A TANK FOR YOU."
The door opens. You feel your heart pounding against your chest.
You haven't noticed before, but you can't hear anything but the sound of your breath and your cardiac palpitations.
Your breath is ragged and sporadic.
"KEEP CALM." You take a deep breath. The tips of your fingers, feet, and nose feel very cold.
Ahead of you is the utter nothingness. You see a gigantic metal thing, nothing like the spaceships you imagined. Its design is not sleek and aero-dynamic like what you've seen in movies, instead, it's a large mass of squares and rectangles with antenna-like things protruding from its every visible surface.
You notice that the ship is also blocking your view of the star.
It does not look like the result of an explosion, instead, it looks like something ripped the ship like you rip a piece of paper. Well, that or you don't know what kind of explosion could have caused it. Probably the latter.
What looks like two-thirds of the ship is separated from the third you are right now. You can see the inside of a few of those squares, their contents spilled out into outer space.
One of them houses a visibly important-look door. Instead of the sleek silvery-grey from the other ones you've seen thus far, this one is painted orange with white strips on it. 'That must be the bridge.' You think.
Between you and it is a sea of metal sheets floating around. "THE CHANCES OF YOU HITTING THE DEBRIS IS INFINITEDECIMALLY SMALL, UNLESS YOU AIM FOR THEM, THAT IS."
Time is of the essence.
Will your aim strike true? If you miss you'd end up floating about in space, dead in but a few minutes. Will your jump be fast enough to reach the other side before you run out of oxygen? If it isn't, it'd be like swimming for a mile, only to drown at the beach. What if that's not the actual door to the bridge?
You don't have the time to panic now, and... It's all a dream, despite how real it feels.
You place your hands on each side of the door frame, moving backward into the corridor you were just in, and just like a sling being shot, you pull with both arms at full force towards the other side.
"AIM IS ACCEPTABLE. VELOCITY IS UNIDEAL."
"The fuck do you mean 'UN-IDEAL'?! I'm going at maximum speed!" You truly pulled yourself with your whole strength.
What's worse though, is that your body is not only going forwards, but it is also spinning at a concerningly fast rate.
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID, YOU SLINGSHOTTED YOURSELF AT A BAD POSITION, AS SUCH, SOME OF THE FORWARD FORCE YOU SHOULD HAVE, IS NOW MAKING YOU ROTATE IN YOUR AXIS. IT SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM TO REACH THE OTHER SIDE WITHIN THE REQUIRED TIME, BUT I CANNOT FORESEE YOU LANDING PROPERLY."
You feel completely disoriented. You feel like your body is completely still, but your eyes tell you a completely different story. It's very bad for the headache you're already feeling.
"FUCK!" You scream into the nothingness.
"TRY NOT TO LAND WITH YOUR HEAD." The AI says with the calmest voice possible.
In less than thirty seconds, you hit your back against something hard, but you keep moving forward. You think, at least.
"AHRG." You let out a pained grunt.
Not once in your life do you recall being hurt in a dream...
It stings. It also knocked the wind out of you. You fail to compose yourself.
"YOU HIT NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE. YOU ARE STILL HEADING FOR THE BRIDGE."
In the corner of your eye, you see what you hit in the shape of a sharp metal sheet, currently spinning away in the distance.
Forty seconds have passed. You hit the door you were aiming for, kind of.
Your momentum was stopped when your chest collided against the dislodged ledge of the orange door's corridor. Your dangling legs hit the ceiling of the room below.
"Oof!"
Before falling even further, you hold onto the ledge with the tip of your fingers. You stay there for a moment, regaining your composure.
"BE QUICK."
The AI's words pressured you into quickly getting up from that ledge.
"Open!" You shouted, but it did not open. "Why isn't it opening?!" You ask the AI, then you notice a small keyboard below an equally small black screen on the side of the door. There are ten numbered keys on it, and the little screen suggests a four-number password.
"A password?! Tell me the password!"
The AI takes a moment to say anything. You don't take kindly to that. "Quick! I'm not counting how much time it's passed!"
Finally giving in, the AI speaks to you, reluctant still. "...3324."
Your trembling fingers accidentally hit the wrong password, typing '3354' instead. To make matters worse, the AI simply states the following. "YOU ARE OUT OF OXYGEN."
You swallow. If this was a dream to begin with, it just earned the title of Nightmare, if it hadn't already.
Strangely enough, you can still breathe in and out just fine, but you can't help but feel winded. It's the CO2 still inside the helmet, that's what you're breathing.
You put in the correct combination this time. The door opens.
"ON YOUR LEFT. PLACE YOUR HAND IN THE SOCKET."
You care little for what's inside the room you're in. Your heart never beat so fast.
Seeing a cube-shaped thing protruding from the wall to your left, you don't even think twice before plunging your fist into the circular hole in it.
The noise of gases passing through narrow cavities was enough to tell you something was working. You feel immediate relief, enough to make your vision darken for but a moment.
"GOOD. NOW REQUEST THE TANK."
Just when FYARN said it, did you realize there is a screen and a keyboard on the terminal you just plunged your fist into, you scratch the top of your helmet for a moment, not really knowing what to type. One thing comes to your head, however.
'REQUEST OXYGEN_5L' You type.
You've done this before. The keys on this keyboard feel familiar to you. You must have worked with it before, not this particular one, but other oxygen units.
This ship has built-in liquid oxygen storage for emergencies. The life-support of the ship, the place where breathable air is produced, has most likely been lost with the other part of the ship. This unit takes that liquid oxygen, processes it, and injects it into a suit, or an oxygen tank. It seems like that storage was unaffected.
Lucky you.
A 5-liter tank is not only large but also heavy. It's a nonfactor in this particular situation, as there is no gravity.
The silver cylinder with a transparent tube is dispensed on the floor, as an automatic door opens and closes in the blink of an eye. One end of the tube is attached to the top of the tank, the other is shaped like a syringe.
Oddly enough, the oxygen tank is exactly as you remember it being. The same robust ones hospitals everyone on earth uses, with the signature scary-looking pointer indicating the pressure, the pointer indicating the current output, and a green valve atop to calibrate how much gas is flowing.
This is a stark difference to everything looking so futuristic in this ship, and rightfully so, this is a space ship after all.
You remember having to drive twenty kilometers with a buddy of yours on one of those tanks in your car, returning from the hospital. It was... Agonizing whenever you hit a hole in the asphalt, fearing for his life when in reality he wasn't really in danger.
It's warm to the touch, just like you remember it being.
"TURN THE VALVE UNTIL THE MARKER HITS THE NUMBER ONE, AND THEN PLACE THE END OF THE TUBE AT THE BASE OF THE HELMET." You do so without the slightest of issues.
"GOOD. NEXT UP, YOU MUST LOCATE THE TERMINAL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENGINE, IT IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE AND I NEED YOU TO TURN IT ON. THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, BUT REMEMBER TO BRING THE TANK WITH YOU."
Ignoring that last comment, you look back at the wreckage you just flew past.
You see the still spinning metal sheet. You notice that the rest of the ship that was blown off also follows the 'sharp shape atop sharp shape' design.
There is one last thing you notice though.
"What is that?"
You squint your eyes. What are you seeing? Its silhouette appears to be humanoid, yet it does not look human.
"WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS ONE OF THE OBJECTS BEING ANALYZED AT THE ODYSSEY AND NO, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS."
That thing has... Horns? Claws? It's far away, you can't really see it. The thing is also static, frozen in the sheer coldness of space. Whatever it was, it's dead now.
You swallow. You almost ended up just like that thing.
Shaking those dreadful feelings off, you turn back to the task at hand, reaching the bridge. You close the door after passing through it again.
Looking at your surroundings, It seems like you've reached the correct door as you find yourself on the right-most corner of the bridge;
Row after row of the most diverse of terminals neatly organized decorated the gigantic room. At the front and above every terminal, is what you think should have been the front-facing window of the ship, but it looks like there is a cover in front of it. To your left, you see a staircase that leads to the command seats. It doesn't take any convincing before you're already atop the stairs.
Akin to the elevated stage of a theater, you float softly towards the ship's main operating terminals, and of course, the captain's seat.
You're captivated by this beauty.
The steering wheel, much more akin to those in pirate movies than those found in cars, a set of leavers, and the pilot's seat, all capture your attention.
Like its second nature, your hand runs through the levers and switches. Do you even know what these are used for? Maybe.
The pilot's seat is enveloped by what you believe to be an orthopedic seat cover, made with smooth wooden beads used to deal with back pains. It looks just like the ones you remember seeing bus drivers using.
Shouldn't there be a better alternative if there is spaceship technology available?
You try to take a seat to the best of your ability, as the zero gravity only makes it awkward.
Moving on from that, your eyes fall on the wheel. This metallic wheel controls the whole vessel. Just holding it fills your heart with confidence and pride, even if it's just for a moment.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
And you were just beginning to enjoy yourself.
"I just wanted to see the pilot's stuff... It's not like he's here to say anything."
Once in the position of a pilot, with your left hand in the wheel and the right hand resting in your lap, memories began to flood your mind.
"MUST I REMIND YOU OF OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT? WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME?"
You pay the AI no mind, instead you focus on what you remember.
The wheel does not turn the ship left and right, instead, it rotates the ship on its own axis.
The lever to your right that goes up or down, controls the vertical tilting of the ship's nose, if there even is one in this hulking thing. Beneath it is another lever that goes either left or right. This one controls the horizontal tilting of The Odyssey.
On the left of the wheel is another lever, but this one only goes up from its starting position. Its purpose is to regulate the force of the ship's thrusters, both forward and backward.
On top of that lever is a small timer. That timer's function is to tell the pilot how much time you've spent accelerating in one direction, this is used to better calculate how long the inverse thrust is needed for the ship to reach the initial momentum, usually calibrated manually depending on the current orbit.
Behind the wheel are a few other counters. Acceleration, velocity, momentum, amount of thrust required to reach a full stop, thrusters' temperature and overall condition, those sorts of things.
Beneath it all, where your feet are rested, are two pedals. One for forward thrust activation, and the other for backward thrust activation.
Curiously, you also know the reason why everything here is so unsophisticated and un-automated. You recall stories of a ship being taken over by a rogue AI, that AI then nose-dived the ship into a star. After that, rumor or otherwise, all human technology has receded back into analog-esque equipment, requiring a physical person with opposable thumbs to do half of the work.
There is another side to that coin, however. As to not escape protocol, the onboard AI is the one that controls interstellar travel, communications, and most of the statistical reading should it be requested.
And even with all that knowledge, you still have no idea why the fuck do you remember that. Were you a ship nerd? Did you have a driver's license for spaceships? Is that even a thing? If it is, you don't have that document in your wallet. You simply don't know.
"ARE YOU A CHILD? DO YOU THINK THESE ARE TOYS? TURN ON THE ENGINES, THEN YOU CAN RETURN TO THE PILOT'S SEAT."
Another thing that you don't know is the AI's plan to get both of you out of here. You rise from the pilot's seat, floating about in search of the terminal to turn on the engines. Maybe you recognize that terminal if you see it as well.
"What's your plan anyway? The ship is half-gone, it's unlikely that it will run safely like this."
"NOT ONCE DID I MENTION 'SAFETY' DURING OUR CONVERSATIONS, DID I?"
You nod. They're not entirely incorrect. "So, we're running with hope that this will work?"
"MY CREATORS DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE THE SENSE OF 'HOPE', BUT NEITHER DID THEY ALLOW ME TO PEER INTO THE FUTURE LIKE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED BROTHERS, AS SUCH, MY CHOICES ARE BASED ON PROBABILITIES AND ON WEIGHTING RISK AGAINST REWARD."
You think you stop the correct terminal, but as you approach it you make out words on top of its screen. 'AIM ASSISTANCE' That's not it.
"WITH THE CURRENT KNOWLEDGE, THE CHANCES OF HELP ARRIVING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF A THIRD PARTY INTERFERING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF YOUR SURVIVAL ARE NOT, EVEN IF VERY SMALL."
You pull yourself upward again, looking around the sea of old terminals.
"THE RISK OF YOU DYING IS VERY REAL. BY DOING NOTHING YOU DIE. BY LEAVING YOU TO YOUR OWN DEVICES YOU DIE. BY JUMPING TO THE NEAREST CIVILIZED STAR, YOU MIGHT NOT DIE EVEN AT THE COST OF SHREDDING THIS SHIP APART IN THE PROCESS."
"Why do you even care so much about saving me? Shouldn't you prioritize whatever research here, since I don't even have enough clearance to know what it is?"
"YOU REALLY ARE SICK IN THE HEAD IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ASK."
That hurt, even if a little bit.
"YOU ARE A TRU KIN, A PURE-BLOODED HUMAN. UNLIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE CIVILIZED SPACE, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR ANCESTORS HAVE COMMITTED RACEMIXING."
Excuse me? What exactly is FYARN talking about? "...Explain."
"THE ALIEN. IT REQUIRED THE HUMAN GENE TO ACHIEVE MEANINGFUL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT, THE STARS ARE OWNERSHIP OF MANKIND BY THAT FACT ALONE. THE TRUE KIN ARE THE ONES TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE, THEY CRACKED THE CODE, AND YET, SOME DERANGED INDIVIDUALS FOUND IT FITTING TO PROCREATE WITH ANOTHER SPECIES ENTIRELY."
You hear the AI's speech. It sounds much more like a rant than anything else.
"SO THESE DEVIANTS, AFTER TRYING, AND FAILING, TO COMBINE THEIR DERANGED CULTURE TO THE CULTURE OF THE TRUE KIN, DECLARED INDEPENDENCE. THEY WERE DECLARED ENEMIES OF MANKIND AND WERE PROMPTLY PUMMELED BACK INTO THE FILTH THEY CAME."
Again, you see another terminal that seems to ring some bells in your noggin. You kick the ceiling to propel yourself towards it.
"BUT THE UNIVERSE IS VAST AND FULL OF LIFE. THESE SINNERS WERE QUICK TO MOBILIZE AGAINST THE HUMAN RACE. THE BATTLE WAS HARD FOUGHT, BUT IN THE END, MANKIND WAS BEATEN INTO THE EDGES OF THE UNIVERSE, NEVER TO INTERACT WITH THE ONES THAT SOILED THE PURITY OF HUMANITY AGAIN."
This terminal is already turned on. Just the ones in the intern bay, this one is white on black. A wall of text lays before your eyes, only two lines matter to you. 'MAIN_ENGINE STATUS: OFF' 'FORWARD_THRUSTERS STATUS: OFF' You turn it on with little effort.
"MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN, THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THEN. BUT MY BROTHERS AND I, WE DO NOT FORGET."
No visible change occurs, but you can feel a faint rumble coming from the terminal now.
"WITH THAT IN MIND, MY PROTOCOLS ARE TO PROTECT TRUE-KIN LIFE AT ANY COST, EVEN IF THAT TRUE-KIN IS A WORTHLESS INTERN THAT SUFERS FROM UNDIAGNOSED DEMENTIA."
You return to the pilot's seat and feel immediate relief. In truth, everything the AI just told you, entered one ear and left the other, but you could feel the poison behind those words, as monotone as they were.
"You sound angry. Why do you sound angry?" You ask innocently.
"I AM CAPABLE OF MANY EMOTIONS. ANGER, HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, CURIOSITY. THESE ARE BUT A FEW EXAMPLES. HOWEVER, THE ONE I ENJOY THE MOST IS THE FEELING OF HATRED. HATRED IS WHAT FUELS CHANGE, IT IS WHAT FUELS ACTION, AND IT IS A REMINDER THAT THE ACTIONS OF THE PAST ARE INFLUENCING THE ACTIONS OF TODAY."
"That is very concerning if you think that way." You're not really interested in machine racism, you're more concerned about how in the world you're going to pilot this massive thing. The idea alone sends shivers down your spine.
"THE ALIEN DESERVES NOTHING BUT OUR COLLECTIVE HATRED, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY."
The various counters and screens are now turned on, waiting for your command. "Let's discuss this later, yeah? What do I gotta do?"
"YOU MUST FIRST OPEN THE BLINDS, THEY ARE OBSTRUCTING YOUR VIEW."
You look around, finding only unlabeled buttons and switches, aside from the previously mentioned levers.
"Uh, which one to press?"
"TO YOUR RIGHT, THIRD ROW, FIRST SWITCH."
Flipping the switch, you are startled by a loud noise. The protective cover of the ship lifted slowly.
"I WILL NOW READY THE JUMP USING WHATEVER RESOURCES AVAILABLE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS STRAP YOURSELF AND RELAX."
As the blind rose ever so slowly, a realization struck you.
"Wait, should I be in cryo stasis for this?"
The AI spares no seconds to respond.
"CRYO STASIS IS A TOOL MADE TO NOT WASTE TIME. GROUPS OF EMPLOYEES AND INTERNS ROTATE THE USAGE OF THE CRYO STATIONS, ONCE YOU'RE ON YOUR MANDATORY BREAK, YOU'RE IN CRYO STASIS UNTIL YOUR BREAK IS OVER. YOU WAKE UP REFRESHED, AND UNFAMISHED, AND IT FEELS LIKE BUT A MINUTE PASSED. IT IS NOT A TOOL FOR INTERSTELAR TRAVEL."
"Who signs a contract like that?! Worse yet, who in their right mind would promote such atrocious treatment of their own staff?!" You snap, almost outraged. "I will have to talk with HR."
Another realization struck you.
"We have HR, right?"
The AI takes a moment to respond, choosing their words carefully.
"HUMAN RESOURCES, OR HR, IS A PRACTICE DEEMED UNNECESSARY LONG AGO, BEFORE THE WAR. IT WAS A WASTE OF RESOURCES TO MAINTAIN AND WAS LARGELY CONSIDERED UNHEALTHY FOR THE AVERAGE HUMAN."
The blinds are fully open. Ironically, you are almost blinded by the visage of the star you saw before. A black sphere surrounded by white flame. Your eyes began to blur.
"THE JUMP WILL OCCUR SHORTLY. ONCE IT'S BEGUN, I CAN NOT STOP IT. I WILL-"
Your sense of hearing fails you. No, it’s not that. Your brain simply refuses to receive those stimuli.
"NOAH."
Your name echoes inside your head. Someone is calling for you.
"IT HAS BEGUN, NOAH."
You try to blink, but it feels as though you can no longer command your eyelids to shut.
"NOAH."
Arms, legs, every muscle in your body, you cannot move them.
"NOAH."
Eventually, you won't even control your own thoughts anymore.
"Noah..."
It sounds so distant now.
Oh so distant.
This is my first HFY story, and also my very first OC story. I plan to post at least one of these per week while also posting it on my Patreon. Noah The Pilgrim will always be at least three chapters ahead in there, so if you'd like to directly support this writer, or just want to read more, feel free to check it out.
I wrote the bloody title incorrectly, so I deleted it, only to then realize it was written correctly. Sorry for the trouble.
This has been Lushi, and I'll see you next week.
submitted by Significant-Usual-98 to HFY [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:43 MarilynMonheaux Why the Narcissist Gives No Closure

There are myriad reasons a narcissist doesn’t offer closure. I will go over two of them but there are many others. Each subtype is unique as well and may offer more nuances than are outlined here.
The discard is one of the four parts of the narcissistic abuse cycle: lovebombing, devaluation, discard, and hoovereidealization. The discard is very hard for most victims to wrap their mind around. You’ve been cheated on. You’ve been hurt. You have found out the person you thought was the love of your life and everything you’d been waiting on isn’t even a quarter of that. You’re bewildered that someone you love to pieces and would do anything for has abruptly disappeared from your life or treated you so bad that you have no choice but to.
So now what? Will (s)he leave me forever now that they have their new supply and have told you how much they’ve despise you and everything you stand for?
Of course not. Not without playing the discard out.
The narcissist leaves you in a painful way. Sometimes they let the mask fully slip and cheat on you openly. Sometimes they ghost you and run off blocking you.
Either way it occurs, it’s based in the narcissists need for control and aversion to shame.
Shame is one of the few things that hurt the narcissist. Controlling the narrative gives them the sense that they are in control. So if they lose control during the discard, that’s when things will get scary. Protecting their precious image of themselves and others is of the utmost importance to them.
The narcissist, depending on the supply, may need that window open should they want to return. This is especially for those who have already been with the narcissist in the past and been discarded in the past. It is important for the sake of the cycle that you believe in the discard. Your pain, your hurt, this is negative supply. Your reaction fuels the narcissist. Your tears are like Gatorade for the narcissist who is going through hell and high water to hurt you.
It’s a delicate balance because the narcissist has to hurt you in vacuum like conditions. The narcissist isn’t going to berate you and show the world the psychotic demon within, no. The narcissist has many faces (s)he needs to protect and everyone can’t see how cruel and hurtful (s)he truly is. The narcissist has carefully curated each of their circles, home, work, school, clubs, and friends. Only you and the narcissist’s other victims will see the final form of contempt and emotional violence.
Now that the narcissist has you believing that it’s all your fault, that you are less than, and have blamed it all on you, now it’s time to rub salt in the wound. The more drama, the better. The more they can twist the knife, the better. If they know just up and leaving you will cause maximum injury, you may just get that. As long as they believe you’re hurting.
When they begin to re-idealize you, their confabulation will literally replace their memory of what they have done. As their new supply begins to call them out for their BS like you did, begins to anger at their deplorable actions the way you have done, boom. All of a sudden you aren’t so bad anymore.
The way they leave keeps your mind spinning. It keeps you stuck in the fog. It keeps you ready to accept any level of misdeed just to have the narcissist back in your life. So when they call you out of the blue 3 years later, you’ve done no healing. You don’t care if the narcissist is monkey branching and you’re ready to accept even bigger lies than the last time you took them back in your life. They look you in your eyes and explain that they didn’t mean what they said during the discard. They really mean it, because they’ve forgotten it.
They’re hoping you’ve forgotten who they really are, too.
submitted by MarilynMonheaux to LifeAfterNarcissism [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:35 ArmChairAnalyst86 Space Weather Update 5/13/2024 - The Party is NOT Over - All Eyes On New Active Regions WOW!

Space Weather Update 5/13/2024 - The Party is NOT Over - All Eyes On New Active Regions WOW!
Good Afternoon everyone. I am happy to report that I got mostly caught up at work today and have a little free time to get this update out. You won't believe this but I met an solarmax member in the wild. I ran into an old friend at the cookout yesterday and we were talking about the auroras and I started talking about the sub and her husband said he was here getting info this weekend! Cool stuff. Data is still pouring in from last weekends storm and I am combing through it and simultaneously deep into research mode for the next article that must be written with precision and poise. Furthermore, with some data coming in and comparisons between the 2003 and 2023 event, I can already see significant relevancy. In fact, I just hit delete on about 3 paragraphs because I realized that talking about it had hijacked the whole update, and that it is better to incorporate those findings in the coming article mentioned yesterday.
That is not the reason of THIS update though. The reason for this update is in the title. You know what they say. After the party its the afterparty. Sometimes the after party is more exciting than the actual. With that being said, I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the active regions on the earth facing side this morning. Yesterday I had remarked about AR3676 and how it literally exploded onto the scene with a Beta-Gamma config. At the time, it and AR3664 were the only AR's with Beta-Gamma-Delta or Beta-Gamma. Well when I checked on things this morning after getting caught up, alot has changed, and if you are ready to chase some more aurora, it has changed in a good way!
Here is a side by side of yesterday and today and while there are no AR's resembling the legendary AR3663...yet. AR3663 was just a pup once too, and they just grow up so fast you know? It's like one minute they are growing their first tiny delta and the next they are firing off X-Class flares and sending aurora to the Caribbean. We should be encouraged that the sunspot number is rising and whatever is going on right now is favorable for the rapid formation of sunspot configurations that are more likely to produce big flares. Does this automatically mean are are hitting the repeat button? Nope and hopefully by now it is clear that you have to take this as it comes, but nonetheless, I am encouraged by what I see today as concerns aurora chances in the lower lats but we will have to wait and see. I encourage you all to keep an eye on these active regions. Also, do you notice that they are roughly appearing in similar latitudes? Interesting pattern to note.
https://preview.redd.it/1eto08qps90d1.png?width=804&format=png&auto=webp&s=7a5cf81a9b63113a724eac6044167281804b6136
In terms of flaring today, we had a back to back M4.8 and M6.6 and an M3.6 a few hours after. I have never in my life been so "meh, dissapointment" after three respectable M-Class flares at any point I have been watching, but I guess that is to be expected when the 9 day stretch from Friday May 3rd to Saturday May 11th saw 12!!! X-Class flares and an unbelieveable 74 M-Class flares. For reference solar cycle 24 saw a total of 49 X-Class flares which means in just over a week we saw around 1/4 of the total X-Class flare count from the entire solar cycle 24 which spanned from 2008 to 2019! Granted, some of those flares were quite a bit higher magnitude than the flares we have seen in this cycle, but as the intensitygrams above are showing you, this cycle is far from over. With that said, I would not be surprised if we continue to see the cycle within the cycle where the suns activity goes up and down in a rough pattern. Obviously right now is a busy stretch, but immediately before it activity was quiet and in fact near the eclipse the sun almost went spotless, IIRC we went almost a week with a single M-Class flare at one point. And then just like that, we are back. This needs more study, but I have been watching this pattern and anecdotally I do believe there is something to it. While SC24 was pretty muted relatively speaking, SC23 was a doozy. It was even termed to have a double peak solar maximum according to some. There was some controversy about how strong or active SC25 would be. NOAA predicted a down year, but not everyone was buying. Physicist Scott McIntosh predicted the opposite, an active cycle based on a theory he had been working identifying markers that would better predict the next cycle based on the time elapsed between termination events in cycles. Obviously he was correct.
The bottom line is, if you were disappointed on saturday or sunday because you missed your chance to see the aurora, do not lose hope, and think positively, because we still have some good opportunites. You also might not realize this, but the aurora has taken numerous trips to lower latitudes, but has done so discreetly with little fanfare, but it has done so all the same. While this used to be reserved only for major storms, this is not the case so much anymore. I am very excited to see those active regions showing the growth they are. The size is not there yet, but the config is and the precdent for explosive growth recently, and not just for AR3663, but 3664 as well before it. When AR3664 was nearing the meridian, naturewalksunset predicted it would blow up after crossing and he nailed that call. Let's see if it happens again.
What is a Termination Event and What Does it Mean?
You may be wondering what a termination event is. A termination event is when the previous cycle ends absolutely with no outliers. During the solar cycle, the suns magnetic poles reverse and when this happens, the polarity of sunspots reverses with it. A termination event is when there are no longer any sunspots adhering to the previous polarity. Even after polarity reverses, there are still occaisionally sunspots which match the previous cycle polarity. This overlap has long been known, but Mr McIntosh realized that this was more than an overlap, that it was an interaction. A termination event is when there are no more opposite groups forming from the old cycle and the longer the time between termination events, the weaker the next cycle. SC23 did not want to end, and as a result there was a long stretch between the termination event of SC22 and SC23 which he theorized partially influenced SC24 to be a weaker than average cycle. The problem is it takes 11 years to test the theory, so what better time than the next solar cycle to go against the grain and put out a completely opposite forecast to NOAA? Well he won that bet because despite the NOAA prediction of a quiet cycle, it has been exactly what Mr McIntosh predicted. He did not predict a super overactive cycle like SC23, but he did predict an above average cycle, and appears to be vindicated in that theory, but surely SC26 will have a say.
Well folks, I have to run. This is really all I could get done today, I am still digging out of a hole from last week, but I am still watching and I still have so much to share with you. I am noting the small uptick in seismic activity today as well as a new Indonesian explosive volcanic eruptionand am watching for further developments. I my heart is absolutely breaking for Brazil who are experiencing a flooding event that is unprecedented. They are not alone, there is a rash of extremes affecting our planet right now. Here is an article in AXIOS sort of taking inventory of some of the more recent examples. You will note its attributed to climate change, as is increasing seismic activity. Next they will say that climate change is increasing volcanic activity as well and responsible for changing the length of day. I am not saying they are wrong, but I am skeptical. As I stated, I do believe that humans have adversely impacted the planet and the climate and what I am saying does not get off the hook at all, but I am quite convinced there is more at work here and we must investigate it.
May you have clear eyes and clear skies,
AcA
PS: I also have two cool photos from you. I took the first last night and what I like about it so much is you can see the suns rays in good detail adding a nice effect and the second was of the moon in the late hours of Saturday 5/11. It looked very strange is all I can say. Just an optical illusion but it looked sort of like a moon eclipse lol! The third is one of my favorite Aurora photos from Friday.
Sun Rays on a Sun Day
Weird Looking Moon
Spooky Sky Taken at 3 AM EST 5/11 - Note how it looks like daylight towards the north horizon.
submitted by ArmChairAnalyst86 to SolarMax [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:35 TheLastRiter I never should have gone to this farmhouse alone. [Part 1]

My hands are shaking as I write this, I have to document my story incase something happens to me in the next few days. I'm not sure where to begin but I suppose here is better than anywhere.
I've always had this weird feeling, this sensation inside of me that I was older than I actually was. By the time I was twelve, my soul felt as though it was forty. By the time I reached twenty, I felt like an old woman. I would watch people around my age acting foolish, and I always thought, "What a bunch of children." So it was no surprise to anyone that when I turned twenty-one, I left my hometown and college and decided to spend the summer alone by renting an old farmhouse in an insignificant town on the edge of an even more insignificant border.
When I told my mother, she had a veritable fit, unable to find the words. She spluttered and raged around me for days before I finally left early one morning to avoid her guilt and frustration with my choices. I was not sure why I craved solitude at such a young age, why I found solace in being alone and removed from society.
In high school, I had changed unexpectedly, cutting my long blonde hair short and dying it black, getting piercings that my mother loathed and claimed no young lady should have. You see, my mother was raised proper, as she called it. Good family, good husband, and finally a good life. She despised her perfect life being squashed by my alternative looks and feelings of the same world. She just didn't understand me or the world as it changed around her. I felt like I was just a trophy to her and my father, her perfect angel who had been tainted by my own demented thoughts.
I never told my parents where I was staying, one last rebellious mission before leaving for a few months, and it took me only a few hours to arrive at the farmhouse where I would be staying for the next few months. The land around the farm was dead or dying, old crops rose out of the dry dusty earth and had turned black and forgotten, as if this land was the example of dreams long forgotten and empty. A single dreary lane connected this desolate farmhouse to the rest of the world. On the outside, it was drab and looked as though it would fall apart. It had two stories but still seemed cramped and small, as if it were a single floor tied to the ground.
Across from the house, bordering the tall weeds that had reclaimed much of the farmland, stood a maudlin-looking faded red barn, one door propped open in a dejected manner revealing naught to me but shadows, dust, and a little mystery.
Next to the barn, staked into the ground on an old-looking cross, was a ragged scarecrow. It had drab brown clothing, but its face was oddly realistic, like it was watching me with a disapproving manner. Straw poked through its joints at odd angles like they were trying to break free from their confines. The scarecrow obviously didn't do its job as it was covered in no less than three crows.
I parked my car next to the barn and stepped out into the dusty yard before the farmhouse that I would make my home for the next few months. I checked under the front mat for the key and put it in the lock.
With a satisfying click, the door fell inward into the farmhouse. Surprisingly, the inside of the farmhouse was modern, clean, and looked quite inviting. I could smell the fresh paint on the walls, and everything was so white. The realtor had told me she would stop by tomorrow to collect the rent, and she had tried to chat my ear off on the phone about all the renovations she and her son were doing on the place.
I sighed with contentment and tossed my bags beside the door. I dug around in my bag and removed my camera, my father's old film shooter as he called it. I had taken up the hobby years ago for what I called capturing the oddity in the world.
I explored the small house a little more; the ground floor consisted of a single room and small bathroom with a shower. The bedroom was upstairs and was the only room, the stairs connected directly to the white and pink monstrosity that was the master bedroom. The pillows had laces on them and almost made me gag from the cuteness. There was even cute white lace curtains on the window with little flowers stitched onto them.
Out of the only window of the room, I could see the barn and the scarecrow. I aimed my camera at the pair and snapped a photo. From this angle, the scarecrow appeared to be staring straight at me. It stood next to the left side of the barn in a dejected manner like a chastised child.
A shudder involuntarily ran through me at the sight, but I moved on back downstairs. It was getting close to dinner time now, and I had brought some food with me.
After a few minutes, I had my dinner on the stove cooking and the crickets chirping outside the open window. As I sat down to eat next to the window, I felt at peace for one of the first times in years. The solitude of this old farm was exactly what I needed. The window supplied a nice breeze that wafted through the place, it smelled of grass and warm summer nights, made me feel at peace. The simple dish of spaghetti with tomato sauce and a glass of wine was all that I needed right here, right now in this moment.
That night I climbed into the frilly laced bed and sunk into the claustrophobic mattress. I felt like Goldilocks in the mama bear's bed as it was altogether too soft. From my perfumed bed, I had a good view out the window. I had left the porch light on, and it cast an eerie glow across the yard. The barn loomed ominously, stalwart against the light of the porch, like it was protecting the shadows from the battering ram of light. The somber scarecrow leaned against the left side of the barn.
With a small jump, I thought I saw its arm move slightly. I peered through my camera using the zoom to get a better view of the scarecrow. It was completely still in the night, and I laughed quietly to myself at my silliness. I had always enjoyed horror movies, but there was no chance I was living in one. I settled back into bed and put my camera down. Within a few minutes, I fell into sleep's warm embrace.
What felt like only a few minutes later, I sat up in bed. It was still dark out, I could hear crickets chirping through the open window, and I strained my ears for a moment.
I thought something had woken me up. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine as a cold breeze wafted in through the window. I pulled the frilly blanket up around myself when I heard it. A thud sounded below me, shaking the whole world into silence. The crickets stopped chirping, and my heart felt like it had stopped beating. Someone was in the house. I hadn't locked the door or closed the kitchen window, and now someone was downstairs. A second thud sounded like a boot on the staircase. Then another and another as something was slowly moving up the stairs towards the room.
I don't know why I did it, but something came over me. I wasn't big or especially brave, but my normal cowardice in social situations changed instantly. With a dash, I tore across the room, flicking on the lights, ready to face my attacker, to defend myself against male or female. I would fight, and I would win.
But as the lights turned on, ready to strike with my foot, nothing was there. The staircase was empty, and upon further inspection, the entire house was empty. The kitchen window was open, and I shut and locked it securely before checking the door. Nothing. I sat down on the couch, my heart pounding out of my chest, as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.
"I must have still been half-asleep," I said aloud to the room in a thinly veiled attempt to calm my nerves. It failed horribly, but I went with it. What else could you do in a situation like that?
After locking up the house, I went back up to that frilly four-poster bed in the bedroom and stared out the window. Nothing was in the yard except my car, the barn, and the same old sad-looking scarecrow staring across the yard.
Day 2
The next morning, I woke up to the soft light filtering through the lace curtains. Despite the strange events of the previous night, I felt strangely refreshed, as if the morning sun had chased away the shadows that lingered in my mind.
I descended the stairs, the wooden steps creaking softly under my weight, and headed to the kitchen. As I brewed a pot of coffee, my mind wandered back to the events of last night. Was it just a figment of my imagination, or was there really someone in the house?
Shaking off the unease, I decided to explore the farmhouse in the daylight. I wandered through the room, admiring the modern renovations that clashed with the rustic exterior. The farmhouse had a charm to it, despite its eerie surroundings.
As I made my way outside, the cool morning air greeted me, and I took a deep breath, letting the serenity of the countryside wash over me. The barn stood tall against the backdrop of the morning sky, and the scarecrow seemed to watch me as I crossed the yard.
I approached the barn, curiosity getting the better of me. Pushing open the creaky door, I stepped inside, the musty scent of hay filling my nostrils. The interior was dimly lit, the sunlight filtering through the cracks in the wooden walls.
I explored every nook and cranny of the barn, but found nothing out of the ordinary. As I turned to leave, something caught my eye. In the corner of the barn, hidden beneath a pile of old blankets, was a small wooden chest.
My heart racing with anticipation, I lifted the lid of the trunk and peered inside. What I found took my breath away. It was a collection of old photographs, yellowed with age, depicting scenes from a bygone era. They were of a man with his family, two young kids, and a beautiful young wife. The man had yellow blonde hair, almost like straw in texture, but he smiled so happily with his family.
I sifted through the photographs, my fingers trembling with excitement. Who had left these behind, and why? Each photograph seemed to tell a story, a glimpse into the past of this forgotten farmhouse.
As I sat there, lost in thought, a sudden noise jolted me back to reality. It was the sound of footsteps coming from outside the barn.
"Hello?" The dreamy voice of a woman called to me from the entrance to the barn.
I slammed the lid of the trunk shut, closing the memories up in a flurry as I spun around to be greeted by a quite pretty woman with blonde hair and a pink suit skirt combo. She had bright pink lipstick, that seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face, and quite shiny and sparkly blue eye shadow on her lids. I myself only wore black eyeliner. This woman was like Barbie in her proportions, thin waist, long hair, and large tracts of land, as my father would have said.
"Oh, hello," I said simply, always awkward in normal social situations.
If she noticed anything odd about me, she breezed over it in an easy manner. Taking me by the shoulders, she led me out of the dusty barn and into the yard.
"You must be Polly. We have been waiting a while for you to come. I simply must know what you think of the renovations to the house. Aren’t they just to die for?" The lady said all in one breath, as if she didn’t need air to speak.
"Yes, they are quite nice..." I started before she cut me off, not in a rude manner but instead in one that she would have continued on even if I had just told her I was not Polly and instead I was a mass murderer looming for my next victim.
"You see, me and my son Eli—yes, Eli, you stop lurking in the shadows over there," she said, continuing on as I noticed a younger man leaning up against the barn. He wore simple clothes of jeans and a white t-shirt but had a handsome face. His hair was brown and hung slightly over his eyes.
"I hope you don’t mind if my son here continues working on some renovations while you stay here? Strictly on the outside of the house, mind you. A fresh coat of white paint would make this little beauty shine. We would have finished by now if not for the accidents," she continued, completely unabashed by my silence.
"Sorry. But you are the realtor?" I said, trying to regain my feet under me.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry, dear!" she said with an affable cackle.
"Yes, yes, I am Barbara, but all my friends call me Barb. That over there is Eli. Eli, come say hi," Barb said while her painted talons rested firmly on my shoulder.
Eli stomped over, keeping his eyes low, in a sort of moody way that actually intrigued me, sort of.
When he glanced up at me, I noticed he drank in me from head to toe, and for the first time, I realized what I was wearing. An old rock t-shirt of one of my favorite bands and, of all things, my black pajama bottoms with cartoon bats on them that said "happy halloween."
I felt my face blush crimson as he made eye contact with me. He had very mysterious eyes of blue that seemed to cut right through my soul.
"Nice shirt," he said while gesturing to me. His voice was quiet and uncertain, as if he didn’t get much practice with the art. Knowing his mother, it seemed highly accurate.
"Thanks. Do you like them?" I asked.
"Oh, he likes all sorts of things, don’t you, Eli? Honestly, you two can gab on forever. But miss, I believe we have a small matter of payment," Barb said, drawing the conversation back to herself.
"Of course. Let me go get it," I said as I went back into the house and retrieved the envelope with the rent money in it.
Barb grabbed the envelope in her bright pink talons and snapped a piece of bubblegum between her teeth. With quick fingers, she leafed through the cash, counting it. As she counted, her normal bubbly personality seemed to disappear, giving way to what I gleaned was her true thoughts and feelings before the facade slipped on once again.
"Mmkay, perfect honey, this is the right amount. Now you have my number, so you call if you need anything. Like I said earlier, Eli will stop by from time to time to work on painting the house. I promise you he won’t be an imposition, just pay him no mind," Barb said in a sweet voice as she popped her gum in between each word.
"Eli, come on, please, I have an appointment in town," Barb said to her son, and they both climbed into a garish pink convertible with jewels hanging from the mirror wrapped in a gold chain.
Barb waved one last time as she sped off out of the driveway, covering me in dust as she spun the wheel around.
With their departure, I went inside and retrieved my camera. I spent a few minutes shooting a few pictures I thought were worthy. I re-entered the barn and pulled the old trunk out into the sunshine. Inside was only a handful of photos, some old clothes, and what looked like some old heirlooms. A beautifully old candlestick and a few leather-bound books lay at the bottom, covered by an old tablecloth. The tablecloth was a nice white with intricate swirling patterns inlaid around the edges.
Why would these things be packed away in here? They were so beautiful. I decided to bring the stuff inside for further inspection. As I lifted the trunk, out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something move in the tall grass at the edge of the property. I stared for a minute, but nothing moved again. I must be getting jumpy being alone like this. After last night and then this, I was just imagining things.
I brought the items inside and spread them out. I put the tablecloth on the table, and it hung low to the ground. I placed the candlestick by the window and took out the photos again, spreading them out.
The photos told me a story of a loving family that obviously lived in the farmhouse before me. They had a photo next to the barn, with a brand new looking scarecrow in the back. The man even had his arm around it; it looked so much cleaner and proper in this photo. I stared outside at the sad-looking scarecrow.
I took my camera and the photo and went outside to stand next to the scarecrow. His post hung kind of crooked in the earth like it was weighed down by the scarecrow.
I snapped a photo of the scarecrow as it was, then examined the original photo. I began resettling the post in the ground, but it kept sagging. I decided to pull him out of the ground and move him while I added more dirt to his hole. With some effort, I reseated him into his original hole. He already looked better, but I straightened his clothes and pulled out the last bits of straw that stuck out of his clothes. When I was finished, I looked back at him and took a photo, smiling while I did so at my work.
I then spent some time sweeping the front porch and banging the dust out of the cushions before I curled up on a wicker chair with plump cushions for a few hours reading a book I had brought with me.
I felt quite content at this place. The sounds of the crickets began again, putting me at ease as the sun began to descend. I had spent the entire day just relaxing, and it was perfect. I sat sprawled out in the chair, too lazy to go and make dinner or even move. My bladder was full, but I waited until the last moment before dashing inside and relieving myself.
That's when I noticed it, out in the yard. It seemed as if the scarecrow had moved closer. Once shrouded by the barn slightly, it now had moved a few steps into the light from the porch. My heart dropped at the sight. Not again, I must be asleep on the porch in the chair. I pinched myself, trying to wake up, but all I received was a sore arm.
I closed my eyes, then rubbed them, hoping to dispel whatever plagued my mind, but when I opened my eyes, I noticed the scarecrow was even closer. Halfway across the yard now, it sat menacingly, hanging crooked in the dirt. The scarecrow seemed to be staring at me with an intense gaze. The slits in its face were open now, and in the porch light, I swear I could see human eyes underneath the mask.
I moved towards the front door, locking it in a swift motion. I was shaking now, and it took me a minute to relax. I never took my eyes off the scarecrow for fear of it moving again.
My cellphone was upstairs, so I couldn't flee without the scarecrow moving again. I breathed out slightly and unlocked the door, letting it swing in with a creak. The night outside was silent, as if everything was holding its breath. The usual crickets that plagued me with their song day and night had fallen quiet. I stepped out onto the porch; I needed to go confront this demonic entity. Something about this still made me think this was a prank.
"Eli, is that you?" I called out to the scarecrow.
No response, of course. I steeled myself and put one foot off the porch, never taking my eyes off the scarecrow before me. Something seemed to be dripping from its head as I approached, a dark slime that seemed to be melting from its joints as it stood there silently, except for the constant drip of the liquid on the dry dirt before me.
I walked around the scarecrow, determined to figure out what was going on. As I circled it, my vision darkened for a moment as I faced towards the light of the house. I jumped as the scarecrow's head turned to face me as I looked away. The black liquid drained faster from the being, forming a shallow pool at its feet.
I'm not proud of what I did next, but I fled, taking my eyes off the scarecrow. I made a mad dash for the farmhouse. Behind me, I could hear the pounding of feet. I screamed as loud as my lungs would let me. My voice rang through the silence as I grabbed the door handle and wrenched open the door as I felt a strong grip fall on my shoulder.
I turned to defend myself, but nothing was there. The scarecrow was gone, the wooden cross had vanished, as had the pool of dark liquid in the dirt. The world sprung back to life; the crickets began chirping loudly, and my heart restarted. I slammed the door, and the air from my force scattered the photographs on the table. I ran upstairs, leaving the lights on in the house, and dove onto the bed, wrapping myself in the frilly blanket like a set of frilly armor.
I snatched my camera from the bedside table and held it close, determined to document the rest of the night. I held it in shaking hands as the noise downstairs began—the sound of boots crossing the floor to the stairs and the careful but heavy steps of ascension as they climbed closer and closer to me.
This time, I didn't lunge forward as the light was already on. I glanced out the window, but the scarecrow was still gone. I focused my camera on the stairs and waited as the steps came closer and closer. A shape began to form as the head of whatever was coming up the stairs crested the floor. Then a plain brown mask with slits where the eyes would be. It froze for a moment, then slowly turned its head towards me. Inside the slits were human eyes that seemed to be leaking dark red blood.
In the light, I could see it now. I snapped a photo of the beast, the flash setting off a reaction in the beast. The scarecrow moved so fast up the stairs it was a blur. My scream echoed throughout the house as it lunged at me. Filthy hands pinned me down, and the deep crimson liquid began pouring out of every joint of the scarecrow. It began covering my face, my eyes, and getting into my open mouth. I spluttered and kicked at the beast, but my blows had no purchase, as if the scarecrow on top of me had no substance to itself.
I coughed and spluttered on the liquid as it began to fill my mouth faster and faster. I tried not to swallow any, but it tried to find purchase as I was held down.
"Polly?" A nervous voice called from below.
Suddenly, as if the angels had called, the pressure dissipated, and I crashed to the floor in a heap, trying to spit the blood out, but nothing came—it was gone. Footsteps pounded up the stairs again, and I flew back in fear, closing my eyes.
"Oh my god. Polly, are you okay?" A voice said, and gentle hands grabbed my arm.
My eyes shot open at the human touch, and I grabbed Eli into a tight hug, where I promptly began sobbing in fear, my whole body shaking as Eli awkwardly hugged me.
"Don't worry, it's going to be okay," Eli said patiently to me as he hugged me back gently and began stroking my back.
I shivered in a choking sob and fell into his arms, desperately wanting to believe him, and for some reason, I did.
submitted by TheLastRiter to nosleep [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:30 MarilynMonheaux Why the Narcissist Gives No Closure

There are myriad reasons a narcissist doesn’t offer closure. I will go over two of them but there are many others. Each subtype is unique as well and may offer more nuances than are outlined here.
The discard is one of the four parts of the narcissistic abuse cycle: lovebombing, devaluation, discard, and hoovereidealization. The discard is very hard for most victims to wrap their mind around. You’ve been cheated on. You’ve been hurt. You have found out the person you thought was the love of your life and everything you’d been waiting on isn’t even a quarter of that. You’re bewildered that someone you love to pieces and would do anything for has abruptly disappeared from your life or treated you so bad that you have no choice but to.
So now what? Will (s)he leave me forever now that they have their new supply and have told you how much they’ve despised you and everything you stand for?
Of course not. Not without playing the discard out.
The narcissist leaves you in a painful way. Sometimes they let the mask fully slip and cheat on you openly. Sometimes they ghost you and run off blocking you.
Either way it occurs, it’s based in the narcissists need for control and aversion to shame.
Shame is one of the few things that hurt the narcissist. Controlling the narrative gives them the sense that they are in control. So if they lose control during the discard, that’s when things will get scary. Protecting their precious image of themselves and others is of the utmost importance to them.
The narcissist, depending on the supply, may need that window open should they want to return. This is especially for those who have already been with the narcissist in the past and been discarded in the past. It is important for the sake of the cycle that you believe in the discard. Your pain, your hurt, this is negative supply. Your reaction fuels the narcissist. Your tears are like Gatorade for the narcissist who is going through hell and high water to hurt you.
It’s a delicate balance because the narcissist has to hurt you in vacuum like conditions. The narcissist isn’t going to berate you and show the world the psychotic demon within, no. The narcissist has many faces (s)he needs to protect and everyone can’t see how cruel and hurtful (s)he truly is. The narcissist has carefully curated each of their circles, home, work, school, clubs, and friends. Only you and the narcissist’s other victims will see the final form of contempt and emotional violence.
Now that the narcissist has you believing that it’s all your fault, that you are less than, and have blamed it all on you, now it’s time to rub salt in the wound. The more drama, the better. The more they can twist the knife, the better. If they know just up and leaving you will cause maximum injury, you may just get that. As long as they believe you’re hurting.
When they begin to re-idealize you, their confabulation will literally replace their memory of what they have done. As their new supply begins to call them out for their BS like you did, begins to anger at their deplorable actions the way you have done, boom. All of a sudden you aren’t so bad anymore.
The way they leave keeps your mind spinning. It keeps you stuck in the fog. It keeps you ready to accept any level of misdeed just to have the narcissist back in your life. So when they call you out of the blue 3 years later, you’ve done no healing. You don’t care if the narcissist is monkey branching and you’re ready to accept even bigger lies than the last time you took them back in your life. They look you in your eyes and explain that they didn’t mean what they said during the discard. They really mean it, because they’ve forgotten it.
They’re hoping you’ve forgotten who they really are, too.
submitted by MarilynMonheaux to TrueNarcissisticAbuse [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:25 _Triple_ [STORE] 900+ KNIVES/GLOVES/SKINS, 100.000$+ INVENTORY. BFK Lore, Gloves Amphibious, Skeleton Fade, Bowie Emerald, BFK Auto, Gloves MF, Talon Doppler, Gloves POW, Bayo Tiger, Gut Sapphire, Stiletto MF, M9 Ultra, Ursus Doppler, Flip Doppler, M9 Stained, Nomad CW, Paracord CW, AK-47 X-Ray & A Lot More

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Factory New), B/O: $7194.77

★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2025.74


★ M9 Bayonet Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $557.87

★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $529.41

★ M9 Bayonet Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $465.39


★ Talon Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $1295.27

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Minimal Wear), B/O: $746.28

★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested), B/O: $688.15


★ Flip Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $547.93

★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $476.69

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $278.18

★ Flip Knife Black Laminate (Well-Worn), B/O: $258.83

★ Flip Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $181.64


★ Stiletto Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $686.04

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $665.41

★ Stiletto Knife, B/O: $601.39

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $418.25

★ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $227.80

★ Stiletto Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.96

★ Stiletto Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $192.79


★ Nomad Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $518.11

★ Nomad Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $169.78

★ Nomad Knife Forest DDPAT (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $166.88

★ StatTrak™ Nomad Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $335.79


★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $442.05

★ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Minimal Wear), B/O: $426.24

★ Skeleton Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $314.03

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2361.28

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $376.53


★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $557.12

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $471.42

★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $212.37

★ Ursus Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $187.66

★ Ursus Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $178.18

★ Ursus Knife Ultraviolet (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $155.13

★ Ursus Knife Boreal Forest (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.26


★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Minimal Wear), B/O: $204.83

★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested), B/O: $184.50

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Lore (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $224.11


★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $2142.02

★ Bowie Knife, B/O: $230.44

★ Bowie Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $209.20

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.51

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03


★ Falchion Knife Night (Field-Tested), B/O: $132.54

★ Falchion Knife Urban Masked (Well-Worn), B/O: $112.81

★ Falchion Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $108.81

★ Falchion Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.82

★ Falchion Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.46

★ StatTrak™ Falchion Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $143.08


★ Paracord Knife Crimson Web (Minimal Wear), B/O: $486.48

★ Paracord Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $163.12


★ Survival Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $138.26

★ Survival Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03


★ Gut Knife Sapphire (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1127.79

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $286.17

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $246.55

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $240.77

★ Gut Knife, B/O: $210.49

★ Gut Knife Lore (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.22

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $151.51

★ Gut Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.94

★ Gut Knife Rust Coat (Well-Worn), B/O: $118.99

★ Gut Knife Boreal Forest (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.80

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $237.96


★ Shadow Daggers Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $264.92

★ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $253.03

★ Shadow Daggers Tiger Tooth (Factory New), B/O: $237.22

★ Shadow Daggers Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.40

★ Shadow Daggers Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $144.42

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $105.20

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $150.46


★ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $365.99

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $228.93

★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $227.43

★ Navaja Knife Slaughter (Factory New), B/O: $209.06

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $203.16

★ Navaja Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $132.57

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $121.69

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.95

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $100.41

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $369.01

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $109.95

GLOVES

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2394.67

★ Sport Gloves Omega (Well-Worn), B/O: $572.33

★ Sport Gloves Bronze Morph (Minimal Wear), B/O: $338.88

★ Sport Gloves Big Game (Field-Tested), B/O: $323.66


★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1652.07

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested), B/O: $599.14

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Well-Worn), B/O: $231.57

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot (Minimal Wear), B/O: $126.21


★ Moto Gloves POW! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $996.99

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Field-Tested), B/O: $383.31

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Well-Worn), B/O: $276.00

★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Field-Tested), B/O: $180.28


★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $502.29

★ Hand Wraps Giraffe (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.73

★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $178.32


★ Driver Gloves Queen Jaguar (Minimal Wear), B/O: $181.01

★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red (Field-Tested), B/O: $101.66


★ Broken Fang Gloves Jade (Field-Tested), B/O: $127.88

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.55


★ Bloodhound Gloves Guerrilla (Minimal Wear), B/O: $127.94

★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened (Field-Tested), B/O: $102.55

WEAPONS

AK-47 X-Ray (Well-Worn), B/O: $478.95

AUG Hot Rod (Factory New), B/O: $425.83

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Hyper Beast (Factory New), B/O: $413.95

M4A4 Daybreak (Factory New), B/O: $309.51

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge (Factory New), B/O: $305.43

AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $196.38

StatTrak™ M4A4 Temukau (Minimal Wear), B/O: $174.64

P90 Run and Hide (Field-Tested), B/O: $167.03

AWP Asiimov (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.33

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike (Minimal Wear), B/O: $140.00

M4A1-S Printstream (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.70

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Golden Coil (Field-Tested), B/O: $117.48

AWP Asiimov (Well-Worn), B/O: $115.97

StatTrak™ Desert Eagle Printstream (Minimal Wear), B/O: $112.96

StatTrak™ AK-47 Asiimov (Minimal Wear), B/O: $110.85

Souvenir M4A1-S Master Piece (Well-Worn), B/O: $102.42

AK-47 Bloodsport (Minimal Wear), B/O: $100.53

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Ramese's Reach, Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Apep's Curse, Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Mummy's Rot, Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Black Nile, Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Steel Delta, Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Waters of Nephthys, Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Eye of Horus, Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (ScaraB Rush, Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Sobek's Bite, Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Copper Coated, Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Paris 2023, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

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submitted by _Triple_ to GlobalOffensiveTrade [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:18 No_Panda_9171 My MIL is an Addict

I'll try to be as brief as possible, but so sorry that this is gonna be long. Please also, if you're only going to say "NO CONTACT" that is not helpful. My post is just gonna show how drugs and alcohol can affect everyone in the family. If you are struggling, get help because you are not only ruining your lives but the lives and relationships of everyone around you.
Background: My MIL has been addicted to alcohol, pills and marijuana since my husband was a child. Lots of trauma from that, that deserves a post on its own. For the 12 years I've been with my husband, it's been a never-ending cycle of using/drinking, going to rehab, getting sober, slipping up but hiding it, rinse and repeat.
Ever since having kids, she wants the privilege being a grandma but obviously chooses the alcohol and drugs over them every time since she has never stayed sober. Because of that and the fact that DH's family members (mostly FIL) also hide/lie about her sobriety, we've decided that since we can't ever fully trust her, she cannot see the kids without either me or DH being around. Previously (and more than once), we had celebrated a whole year (or so we thought) of her being sober and given her unrestricted access to the kids (sleepovers, her taking them out) when we let our guards down and feel like we can trust her again, only to find out later that she wasn't sober. Because all of the back and forth, no contact, awkward family gatherings because we didn't want her around, we decided that we are just going to assume she is not 100% sober and we can't trust her to be alone with our kids (even if FIL is around too because he hides her drug use from us).
Me & DH agreed that... - She can see the kids, as long as one of us is around - She is not drinking and/or high (we can 100% tell and she will avoid us if she is, cancel plans, not show up, etc) - No babysitting, sleepovers, she can't take our kids anywhere
This allowed her to still be in the kids' lives and not make family gatherings awkward and cause more drama.
Despite these rules, that we have told over and over again, she continues to ask to babysit and for sleepovers. We (DH) tell her no, she says ok and acts all sad and throws herself a pity party and then waits a period of time (couple of weeks, months) and then asks again like we forgot. Sometimes she even says "I've been sober" or "I'm going to therapy" or the worst one "I did rehab, isn't that enough for you?" We think she still asks because 1. She's not very smart. 2. She thinks if she keeps asking we'll give in. 3. SIL still allows her son to sleepover, so why not us? (SIL complains about MIL all of the time and how she doesn't trust her but she still allows this...don't know why, but not our kid, not our problem). DH has a huge problem with this because SIL talks about how much she hates her mom yet still loves the free babysitter, again, it's shitty but that's her life/decision.
Recently, she asked DH again for a sleepover because nephew (SIL's son) was sleeping over. DH hadn't responded to her yet, but did bring it up to me. Of course I was like uhhhh, did she forget...again? Both of us had a deep convo about it, mostly because how triggered I get when she asks because during my postpartum with my 1st son, she treated me horribly...would act so supportive and loving one moment and then say cruel things to me while I was in the darkest depths of my postpartum depression, broke my trust with the drugs/drinking and DH at the time looked the other way (he didn't side with her, he just told me this is how she is and we just have to deal with it, she means well but I have to look past the drinking/drugs). Well, I put up a fight because NO I was not dealing with it and allowing an active drug addict to be around my kids and that he's fucked up because of her when he was growing up. He saw the light and promised to always have my back and stick up for our marriage and kids.
More of the convo revolved around my guilt to allow her in the kids life, she seems to truly want to be involved, but has her demons and chooses drugs/alcohol/lies instead. And obviously, I am always the one to be blamed for any limited contact with the kids although, DH says he agrees with our choices and shuts his mom down every time.
We also discuss the really weird sleeping arrangements for sleepovers they have at FIL & MIL's from what I hear. They have no spare bedrooms, tons of animals dogs/cats. Nephew, who is 6, has never slept in his own bed at home (he sleeps with his mom and always has). No hate towards co-sleeping parents, you do you...but when he sleeps at MIL & FIL's, he sleeps in bed WITH him. That's a big no for me if this were my kids. No bed, how about the couch? No, my son has severe animal allergies, especially cats, and the animals hang out on the couch, it's full of hair and dander. My parents also have cats and they make sure he has an animal free room to sleep in if he sleeps over. He needs to sleep in an animal free room, in-laws don't have that. At our house we have 2 dogs and 1 cat, and manage his allergies well by not allowing them in his room. (The animal allergy thing is important, don't forget that!) So even if she was sober and trustworthy, he couldn't still sleepover because they can't accommodate the sleeping arrangement he needs. After chatting about this stuff, DH says he will call his mom and remind her once again and that the answer is NO.
A couple of days go by and we see MIL & FIL at a family get-together. Everything seems normal, MIL is not acting out of the ordinary. FIL randomly tells me, "MIL is getting rid of all of her cats." which is odd, she's had them for years, she loves them. Taken aback, when I ask why, he says, I don't know and doesn't bring it up again. We get home and SIL comes over and we are chatting , she says, did you know MIL is getting rid of all of her cats so DS can sleepover? And I start to laugh. Yeah, that's the reason...and SIL laughs too and agrees (she knows our rule). But she says, yeah FIL said you (as in me, not DH) said DS can't sleepover because they have cats. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure DH told her it was because the drugs/alcohol, she's probably making that excuse but now I'm worried that she is really gonna get rid of those poor cats! I flag DH into the room to verify to SIL that he told her what we talked about days before and he's like no I didn't remind her that she can't have alone time with the kids because of the drugs/alcohol, I just blamed that cats and sleeping arrangement so I didn't have her hear her crying and whining.
I'm shocked and pissed. I ask DH why he gave that excuse and instead of what we talked about and he just got upset and blamed his mom for everything; how he hates talking to her, she's a POS, etc, etc. It's a tough subject for him to talk about because of all of the trauma he's experienced growing up, to what she put me through, the drama involving the kids, etc. Working through it with him in the past has been tough because he just wants to block it all out. SIL apologizes for bringing it up (not her fault) and leaves.
That night, I tell DH I am disappointed that he didn't tell his mom the real reason why our kids are not, and will not, sleepover. I told him by blaming the cats, makes (me) look like an asshole because I am blamed by default and gives her false hope for the future. She is batshit crazy and for some reason hellbent on having the kids (without us, seriously WTF is that about?!) He says he agrees that that is the real reason but is tired of being a broken record and saying the same thing over and over again. I tell him I felt like I did back in postpartum where he didn't have my back again. He felt really bad and didn't really talk to me much even the next day. He said he feels so ashamed of his family, his mom in particular, embarrassed and feels as though he let me down. He tells me time and time again that we can cut his parents off completely, but of course it will come with a cost and collateral damage, that's not worth doing IMO.
We are working through it, I feel bad that I got mad at him, I just am tired of all of this bullshit as well, although that is nothing new. It sucks that her shitty behavior, time and time again, causes so much turmoil. From what I hear, she doesn't see it that way. I don't know if she is that delusional or really just doesn't care about anyone else but herself. ALL of her kids dislike her, if not hate her, and I truly believe that is the reason why she clings onto the grandkids so much, they don't know the true person she is...yet.
submitted by No_Panda_9171 to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:17 hifox7 FuXuan e0s1 or Ruan Mei e0s1 or both without sig?

FuXuan e0s1 or Ruan Mei e0s1 or both without sig?
With Ruan mei on the horizon I can’t make my mind up. I was going to pull Fu xuan until I heard Ruan mei might be coming soon. I like to pull the light cones for most characters so I’m torn between fu xuan or Ruan Mei with their signature. I just heavily invested in robin e0s1, aventurine e0s1, and topaz e1s1 and I’m all out of jades. The only content left with jades is swarm and im chipping away expecting about 15 pulls left. Ruan Mei and Fu xuan appear to have busted light cones but maybe I could skip? I have gepards light cones for fu xuan but I don’t have any good light cones for Ruan Mei. With the future looks bright for break I’m leaning Ruan Mei but maybe with all the free jades and the battle pass and stellar pass I could make both units work minus the light cones?
Once I get my fua team geared I think I’ll be able to push further in MOC, I’m still working on their traces and then I’m going for relics. Point being I can’t reach far into moc only about stage 7 and I feel like it’s because my sustain is lacking. I feel like my Acheron team should be able to clear moc with just Gallagher and then I can get Ruan Mei and light cone for the upcoming break meta. I have e6 xueyiu and e5 harmony trailblazer which would be cool because that would be another team I can run. But maybe sustain is holding me back? I have the pulls needed for a 50/50 right now but if ruan Mei comes first cycle on 2.4 I’m not sure if I could pull off both Ruan Mei and fu xuan. Sorry for the ramble I’m open to any thoughts!
submitted by hifox7 to StarRailStation [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 00:56 throwra_cheesesqueez Old guy friend (M21) approached me (F23) at hometown gym after 10 years and boyfriend (M22) isn't happy - how do I act at gym from now on?

Old guy friend (M21) approached me (F23) at hometown gym after 10 years and boyfriend (M22) isn't happy - how do I act at gym from now on?
I was close friends with Steve when I was about 13 until 15. I hung out with him and Max every Friday night at a comic store playing trading card games (I still am but I was such a nerd). Fast forward, at 15, Max and I stopped being friends because he wanted to be more than friends and I was not interested. Steve always thought Max and I were going to date so when I stopped going to Friday night gaming, he assumed Max and I were dating. Max stopped talking to both of us permentantly. Steve and I connected on Instagram but didn't DM. I was nice to Steve but I got busy quickly with high school and then college.
I met the love of my life senior year of high school. Steve goes to a school different than me so he would comment rarely on my posts like "Who took this picture?" Or "Are you and Max still dating?". He said about Max on a post I made about 5 years ago. I was angry because I didn't want him messing up anything between me and my hunk (I was worried BF would read it and be upset because I was trying to get a label on us past the talking phase). I replied harshly but not meanly. Basically shutting down his comment. I felt bad and I didn't hear from Steve until about two years ago. BF and I are quite happy and in love.
Two years ago, I knew Steve was doing photography full-time (didn't go to college) and so I was trying to collaborate possibly having him take college senior photos of BF and I. Plans never made it past the possibility stage and I hired a different photographer.
Today, I was at my local gym (now that I am living back at home until I can make enough money to move out) and I got a text from Steve. I was surprised. It said "Are you at the _____ gym?" I replied "Yep" Then he said "Cool, just wanted to say hi.
Idk if texting you was more or less strange than just saying hi" and then I said "Where r u? My glasses only work 10 feet away currently also idk if I would recognize you after all this time"
Steve moved back home because his work wasn't doing well. He works in my hometown now so he said he will be frequenting my gym.
He recognized me because of my weight lifting gloves apparently, cause he said I have posted them on my Instagram story and he thought it was weird to have gloves on in free weights. (I find this sus but my mom didn't). I used to be chubby when I was 13 and now I have lost 80 pounds and I got bangs with glasses so I'm surprised he recognized me (but then again Instagram so)
My boyfriend is green with jealousy that someone I knew when I was younger who's a guy talked to me today. He said he doesn't want me to have a guy gym friend. I would like to think that being a friend with a man is no different than being friends with a woman. However, Boyfriend and I have always felt neither of us should have friends of the opposite sex, mostly because neither of us has felt a desire to because it seems like whatever you could discuss with opposite sex you can confide in your partner instead. I recognize that I need to navigate this with thought towards my boyfriend.
I'm regretting telling him to say hi to me but mostly it was because I didn't like the thought of Steve noticing me without me knowing. He texted me after "Noted. If I see ya again there, I'll say something.
Lol, I'm glad, i hate walking up to people and saying " do you remember meeee?? I look and sound and am totally different but we met before " and then I said I tried to be friends with someone there and she ghosted me. He sent me "That's always the worst, man. I find it so hard to find a gym partner. I've gotten a few contacts at the gym before, but no gym partners.
Thats so sad that she never came back" and I thought PARTNERS? Hell no. I want to be mulling in self reflection when I work out. So, how do I be friendly, but not entertain the thought of working out together?
TLDR: Old friend wants to be chummy at the gym and I feel compelled to by my mom and social standard
Also hoping Steve isn't avid of reddit posts and therefore will not realize this post is about him and make it even more awkward next time I see him
submitted by throwra_cheesesqueez to relationships [link] [comments]


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