Missed period after hcg triger shot
Hanna in the HCP
2024.05.14 00:58 IamThe2ndBR Hanna in the HCP
The following is an original work of fan fiction. It will only make sense if you’ve read Corpies and SP4
“Fucking bullshit cock-garglers!”, Hannah, formerly known as Hexcellent, uttered louder than she intended.
Luckily, she was sitting by herself in a third floor private room in the brand new wing of the Sizemore undergraduate library. On the main floor, any sound louder than a fart would’ve earned a collective, “shhhhh,” and annoyed stares from half the people studying. And frankly, as difficult as these Gen Chem practice exams were, the former PEERS would be spitting out a few more expletives before she was done.
Hannah glanced at her watch and sighed heavily. It was 4:43 PM. She still had two and a half hours before she’d need to head to the lift to meet Devon and Kacey, two other first year HCP students, for some evening training. Okay, you got this girl. You just fucked up some amped criminal supers, you can handle goddamn mass to mole composition formula and stoichiom-whatever-the-fuck, she thought to herself. With resigned determination, the HCP student began swiping through class presentation slides on her tablet, reviewing problems she had trouble with. For a solid 2 hours her eyes never left the material and she honestly started to feel more comfortable with what she needed to know. Hannah was in the zone. That was until she was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“What. The actual. Fuck?“, Hannah said slowly as she looked up towards the door and the adjacent window.
The summoner saw two boys standing outside , one of whom was a short muscular guy with dark brown hair that she recognized. She was fairly certain his name Lucas, and that he was another HCP first year. He was in the alternative class though, while Hannah was in combat, so they hadn’t been around each other a whole hell of a lot. The other seemed familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger or on where she’d seen him before. They were each moving their mouths, and pointing a finger at themselves and into the room clearly asking if they could come in. Hannah got up and opened the door.
“Hey, Helen, right? You think that we can study in here with you? All the good tables downstairs are full. I just met Tristan here and he’s in the same predicament as me,” said Lucas before he lowered his voice to a whisper, leaned his head in, and pointed to the boy he referred to as Tristan. “He’s in the same ummm…special program as us. In his 2nd year.”
With that information, Helen realized where she’d seen that guy. He was at the freshman party hosted by the second years. She remembered thinking that he came off as kind of a douchebag by the way he was standing around, nursing the same drink with a smug look on his face the whole time.
“Yeah, sure, whatever. As long as you guys dont act like complete assholes and make a bunch of noise. I gotta focus for about another 30 minutes then the room is yours. Cool?”
“Cool,” the boys said in unison.
“And it’s Hannah by the way. Not Helen. You’re Lucas, right?” She held out her hand towards him.
Lucas politely shook her hand. “Sorry about that Hannah. I’m terrible at remembering names,” he said with a slight shrug. “Just gonna grab a seat on this side so I can stay outta your way.” He held out his arm towards the opposite side of the table from where Hannah had been sitting and started walking over there.
Tristan walked in and closed the door behind himself. He gave Hannah a simple head nod and smirk but never formerly introduced himself. Very similar to his demeanor at the party; as though he couldn’t be bothered.
Yep, arrogant douche, she thought. Then she pictured the look of surprise on the 2nd year’s face if she were to manifest her big furry friend to accidentally-on-purpose kick him in the balls.
Hannah had often wondered if anyone in the HCP realized her summon was the same giant bunny that helped save Brewster almost a year ago. Titan had told her the DVA would hide any association between the tower-sized rabbit and her PEERS persona but she figured that once classmates saw her summon for the first time they’d make the connection. That didn’t seem to be the case though, at least as far as she knew. It helped that when she summoned Hopcules these days, he was about the same height and stature as Titan. None of her combat training took place outside yet, so no one in HCP got to see her manifestation at his full potential size. He’d also taken on more humanistic facial expressions lately and had been appearing in a variety of different clothes and accessories. Hell, the last time she trained with Kacey, the hulking rabbit materialized in a denim vest, a blue bandanna on his head, metal spiked leather bracelets around his wrists, brass knuckles, and with gold chains around his neck. Kacey couldn’t stop laughing during their sparring session until Hopcules had her bound and hog tied. Even with her enhanced strength, she couldn’t break free of what evidently weren’t just plain gold necklaces. It hadn’t dawned on Hannah until later that, the night before, she’d fallen asleep to an old 80s action flick about a renegade cop taking on a vicious street gang. She wondered if tonight her childhood protector would show up in a lab coat, holding a periodic table. The Sizemore freshman briefly shook her head to snap herself out of her thoughts and sat down to resume her work. She’d gotten fully back into her study mode until…
“Yo, does sound carry out of this room?” Tristan asked.
“Seriously?! You do remember that whole bit about NOT being obnoxious assholes, right?”Hannah asked incredulously.
“Damn girl chill. I just wanted to ask my guy here a question and didn’t want to risk being overheard. You should smile more girl. You know what I mean?“
Relax. Breathe. You don’t want to be seen as a troublemaker. It would not be a good idea to kick this fucker’s ass while inside of the school library. Or would it be? No. No. Definitely not a good idea, she thought to herself.
“Well unless you two were standing outside of here practicing at being mimes as a back up in case you don’t make it to graduation, I’m pretty sure this room is well insulated to sound.”
Tristan grunted in indignation and sarcastically replied, “you’re hilarious.”
“I’m definitely going all the way through. No way I won’t graduate,” Lucas chimed in, seemingly oblivious to the tension that’d just arisen between the other two people in the room. I’ve known I wanted to be a hero ever since I was little. My parents have spent a fortune sending me to an elite training camp for the last seven summers to make sure I’d be prepared as possible for the HCP. Plus I’ve had personal coaches work with me for years on new ways to use my power.”
“Bro! That’s what I was wanting to ask you about. I saw the logo on on your bag. Holy shit, did you do the SETA training camps?” asked Tristan.
“Yeah, I take it you’ve heard of it.”
“Hell yeah I have. The Super Elite Training Academy. Who hasn’t? I hear those workouts are so intense. No wonder you’re so jacked. You must’ve been in great shape for your first day here. Mad props bro. Is it true you get to fight against human looking robot…”
“Hey! Tweedledum and tweedle-dickless, I honestly didn’t know there was such a thing as a two-man circle jerk, so I really appreciate the show but is there any chance I can get back to work without any more distractions?“
Lucas had mixture surprise and guilt run across his face. He opened his mouth as though he was about to say something, but then glanced over at Tristan and stayed silent.
“What? You mad because you’re realizing you can’t stack up against the competition. Guess what. My guy here isn’t the only one who’s been preparing for this program long before he was admitted. I’ve been getting ready for years too. Trained in jiu-jitsu and boxing on top of honing my super abilities. Have you even done anything? Or did you just apply and cross your fingers?”
Hannah could see where this was going in. She decided in that moment to just let it play out. Fuck it, she thought. She was basically done studying. Even if she failed the final, which she was confident that she wouldn’t, she’d still pass the class. She stood up, pressed an icon on her tablet touchscreen and began putting other things away in her bag while she spoke. “Actually, I never had any special training as a kid. To tell you the truth, I shouldn’t even be here. I got into some trouble years ago. The kind of trouble that normally prevents one from getting admitted into an HCP. But, I was on a PEERs team for years and I got to do a lot of…
“Ha! You’re telling us you’re fucking a Corpie. Can you believe this, dude?“ Tristan nudged Lucas, looking for his agreement. To his credit, Lucas appeared visibly uncomfortable and leaned away from the other boy.
“Don’t know what it says about your class if they’re letting Corpies in,” continued Tristan with a sneer. “I guess you really do need to study. Obviously you’re the one that needs a back up plan. And here’s another thing little girl. It’s not just about how much you’ve trained beforehand, it’s also about who you know. And I know people. My mom‘s best friend is related to the Hero, Unseelie. So I’ve actually met a few Heroes who I’m sure will vouch for me when the time comes. Pity you can’t say the same. We all know Heroes don’t give two shits about Corpies.”
For a moment Hannah’s face expressed a flat affect. Then suddenly she burst into laughter. And not just some derisive laugh as though she was trying to convey to Tristan that she didn’t take his comments seriously. But an eye watering, oxygen depriving, honest to the Gods belly laugh. The kind of laugh that would’ve been contagious had she been around friends. She carried on for a minute until her amusement died down to a just a mild chortle. Hannah wiped her eyes. “You know people?“ She started laughing again, even louder than the first time. “Oh my Gods. Stop. Stop. I can’t breathe. Is this your fucking power?” Hannah was bent over at the waist still laughing hysterically, holding out one finger as to communicate, “give me a second.” After another minute, she wiped her eyes again, took a big gulp of air, and collected herself. “Woooh. Now that was some funny fucking shit.”
“Who in the hell do you think…“ Tristan started to say through gritted teeth.
“No no no. Please don’t get me started again. I don’t think my ribs can take it,“ said Hannah still chuckling some. “Let’s see what have I done and who do I know? You know I always knew that eventually I’d tell people about this, I just didn’t think it would go down like this.” The summoner raised her hand, then slowly curled it into a fist. Standing 3ft tall and leaning into the corner so as not to be visible to anyone who happened to be looking into the room at that moment, was Hopcules, adorned in the same armor he’d worn on the day he helped to save Brewster. “Look familiar to anyone?”
“That looks like the giant rabbit that fought robots with Titan. Hare-a-clees or something like that. My little sister has like 5 of its t-shirts ,” Lucas responded.
“Wow kid, you really are shit with remembering names. Hop-cu-les is the name I gave him when I was just a kid. Surprised the shit outta me that he came out the size of a skyscraper when those robots nearly killed me and my team, ” Hannah stated nonchalantly as she waved her hand and made Hopcules fade away.
With a grudging realization, Tristan began to ask, “wait, you’re not actually saying…”
“Oh look, captain mc-douche-nozzle is catching on. Somebody give the kid a prize. Yes, dumbass, I’m actually saying I fought with Titan, yes, thee fucking Titan, with every other Hero team in Brewster to stop those mechs from destroying the entire city. I’m saying the strongest hero alive is my personal mentor and it was his recommendation that got me into this program.”
Lucas looked back and forth between Hannah and Tristan having already realized that the sophomore might be one of those guys who’d lash out over his perceived inferiority. Lucas was so curious though he had to ask, “but… But, that rabbit is everywhere these days. Not just T-shirts. Toys, a cartoon, and I just read there’s going to be a next-gen console video game based on his character. If you own the rights to that image, you’d be loaded.“
“Eh,” Hannah said with shrug. “Youre leaving out the movie deal Lenny just got for me, but not something I talk about too much . It leaves me enough to be comfortable and to be able to donate a library wing to the university thats giving me a shot at being a hero.” Hannah responded. She gave Tristan a quick wink and glanced over her shoulder towards the door.
Tristan looked in the same direction and noticed something he hadn’t bothered paying attention to before, a small engraving on the center of the door of a bipedal rabbit. This would’ve been the most surprising thing that he’d seen since he set foot in the room if it wasn’t for the photo that appeared on Hannah’s tablet now facing him. It was an image of five people: Graham De Soto, the new head of the DVA, Titan in his iconic Hero costume, Dean Jackson, a large muscular young man with a shit eating grin who Tristan didn’t recognize, and another person in a generic gray mask, presumably female, and wearing a smile of malicious enjoyment, the same as the women standing before him.
Hannah saw what caught his attention and picked up her tablet. “Oh, did you notice this? I love this picture. Titan called me in for back up as a Temporary Emergency Hero Asset. We beat the shit out of a literal army of enhanced criminal supers and took this picture after everything calmed down. All the other HCP deans were there too. Mr. Desoto actually told me if I ever needed a favor, he owed me one.” Hannah wore a wistful expression as she thought back on that day with fondness.
“Anyway, I gotta get outta here. S’posed to meet up with my training partners. Cause no matter what your background is or who you know, no one is a shoe-in for the final 10. Lucas, feel free to meet us in the combat cells tonight if you want to get a work out in and get tired of hanging out with this fuckwad. Later losers!” Hannah said this last part as she turned around and headed towards door while holding up her middle finger for all to see.
Tristan was obviously livid. His hands had been visibly shaking as he stood and listened to all the ways this 1st year had accomplished more than he’d even thought possible for student. Who does this little bitch think she is? She’s full of shit. She has to be. I’ll show her. From his elbows down, Tristan‘s arms began to darken. In seconds the two appendages looked like small tree trunks, with his fingers elongating into barbed tendril-liked branches rapidly moving towards Hannah.
Although Lucas had worked for years to improve his ability to cast his energy based illusionary environments-referred to by one quirky coach in the past as a “holodeck”- speed was an element that he continued to struggle with. He began to cast a simple illusion of darkness, so as to blind Tristan, but he knew almost immediately that it wouldn’t reach him in time. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw furry white movement. The miniature Hopcules had reappeared and was running towards the back of the chair Tristan had been sitting in. With a parkour maneuver that would make Jackie Chan jealous, Hopcules leapt from the floor to the chair, then from the chair to the rear wall. He torpedoed off of the wall with the force of both hind paws and made contact Tristan’s head, knocking the arrogant second year to the floor. He laid there dazed and confused about what had just struck him as his branches retracted and his arms returned to normal. The summon vanished before he even touched the ground.
Hannah smiled as she exited the room. Thanks be to the Gods. I was hoping that piece of shit would try something so I could have self-defense as an excuse. Kacey and Devon better be ready. I’m already warmed up.
submitted by IamThe2ndBR to superpowereds [link] [comments]
“Fucking bullshit cock-garglers!”, Hannah, formerly known as Hexcellent, uttered louder than she intended.
Luckily, she was sitting by herself in a third floor private room in the brand new wing of the Sizemore undergraduate library. On the main floor, any sound louder than a fart would’ve earned a collective, “shhhhh,” and annoyed stares from half the people studying. And frankly, as difficult as these Gen Chem practice exams were, the former PEERS would be spitting out a few more expletives before she was done.
Hannah glanced at her watch and sighed heavily. It was 4:43 PM. She still had two and a half hours before she’d need to head to the lift to meet Devon and Kacey, two other first year HCP students, for some evening training. Okay, you got this girl. You just fucked up some amped criminal supers, you can handle goddamn mass to mole composition formula and stoichiom-whatever-the-fuck, she thought to herself. With resigned determination, the HCP student began swiping through class presentation slides on her tablet, reviewing problems she had trouble with. For a solid 2 hours her eyes never left the material and she honestly started to feel more comfortable with what she needed to know. Hannah was in the zone. That was until she was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“What. The actual. Fuck?“, Hannah said slowly as she looked up towards the door and the adjacent window.
The summoner saw two boys standing outside , one of whom was a short muscular guy with dark brown hair that she recognized. She was fairly certain his name Lucas, and that he was another HCP first year. He was in the alternative class though, while Hannah was in combat, so they hadn’t been around each other a whole hell of a lot. The other seemed familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger or on where she’d seen him before. They were each moving their mouths, and pointing a finger at themselves and into the room clearly asking if they could come in. Hannah got up and opened the door.
“Hey, Helen, right? You think that we can study in here with you? All the good tables downstairs are full. I just met Tristan here and he’s in the same predicament as me,” said Lucas before he lowered his voice to a whisper, leaned his head in, and pointed to the boy he referred to as Tristan. “He’s in the same ummm…special program as us. In his 2nd year.”
With that information, Helen realized where she’d seen that guy. He was at the freshman party hosted by the second years. She remembered thinking that he came off as kind of a douchebag by the way he was standing around, nursing the same drink with a smug look on his face the whole time.
“Yeah, sure, whatever. As long as you guys dont act like complete assholes and make a bunch of noise. I gotta focus for about another 30 minutes then the room is yours. Cool?”
“Cool,” the boys said in unison.
“And it’s Hannah by the way. Not Helen. You’re Lucas, right?” She held out her hand towards him.
Lucas politely shook her hand. “Sorry about that Hannah. I’m terrible at remembering names,” he said with a slight shrug. “Just gonna grab a seat on this side so I can stay outta your way.” He held out his arm towards the opposite side of the table from where Hannah had been sitting and started walking over there.
Tristan walked in and closed the door behind himself. He gave Hannah a simple head nod and smirk but never formerly introduced himself. Very similar to his demeanor at the party; as though he couldn’t be bothered.
Yep, arrogant douche, she thought. Then she pictured the look of surprise on the 2nd year’s face if she were to manifest her big furry friend to accidentally-on-purpose kick him in the balls.
Hannah had often wondered if anyone in the HCP realized her summon was the same giant bunny that helped save Brewster almost a year ago. Titan had told her the DVA would hide any association between the tower-sized rabbit and her PEERS persona but she figured that once classmates saw her summon for the first time they’d make the connection. That didn’t seem to be the case though, at least as far as she knew. It helped that when she summoned Hopcules these days, he was about the same height and stature as Titan. None of her combat training took place outside yet, so no one in HCP got to see her manifestation at his full potential size. He’d also taken on more humanistic facial expressions lately and had been appearing in a variety of different clothes and accessories. Hell, the last time she trained with Kacey, the hulking rabbit materialized in a denim vest, a blue bandanna on his head, metal spiked leather bracelets around his wrists, brass knuckles, and with gold chains around his neck. Kacey couldn’t stop laughing during their sparring session until Hopcules had her bound and hog tied. Even with her enhanced strength, she couldn’t break free of what evidently weren’t just plain gold necklaces. It hadn’t dawned on Hannah until later that, the night before, she’d fallen asleep to an old 80s action flick about a renegade cop taking on a vicious street gang. She wondered if tonight her childhood protector would show up in a lab coat, holding a periodic table. The Sizemore freshman briefly shook her head to snap herself out of her thoughts and sat down to resume her work. She’d gotten fully back into her study mode until…
“Yo, does sound carry out of this room?” Tristan asked.
“Seriously?! You do remember that whole bit about NOT being obnoxious assholes, right?”Hannah asked incredulously.
“Damn girl chill. I just wanted to ask my guy here a question and didn’t want to risk being overheard. You should smile more girl. You know what I mean?“
Relax. Breathe. You don’t want to be seen as a troublemaker. It would not be a good idea to kick this fucker’s ass while inside of the school library. Or would it be? No. No. Definitely not a good idea, she thought to herself.
“Well unless you two were standing outside of here practicing at being mimes as a back up in case you don’t make it to graduation, I’m pretty sure this room is well insulated to sound.”
Tristan grunted in indignation and sarcastically replied, “you’re hilarious.”
“I’m definitely going all the way through. No way I won’t graduate,” Lucas chimed in, seemingly oblivious to the tension that’d just arisen between the other two people in the room. I’ve known I wanted to be a hero ever since I was little. My parents have spent a fortune sending me to an elite training camp for the last seven summers to make sure I’d be prepared as possible for the HCP. Plus I’ve had personal coaches work with me for years on new ways to use my power.”
“Bro! That’s what I was wanting to ask you about. I saw the logo on on your bag. Holy shit, did you do the SETA training camps?” asked Tristan.
“Yeah, I take it you’ve heard of it.”
“Hell yeah I have. The Super Elite Training Academy. Who hasn’t? I hear those workouts are so intense. No wonder you’re so jacked. You must’ve been in great shape for your first day here. Mad props bro. Is it true you get to fight against human looking robot…”
“Hey! Tweedledum and tweedle-dickless, I honestly didn’t know there was such a thing as a two-man circle jerk, so I really appreciate the show but is there any chance I can get back to work without any more distractions?“
Lucas had mixture surprise and guilt run across his face. He opened his mouth as though he was about to say something, but then glanced over at Tristan and stayed silent.
“What? You mad because you’re realizing you can’t stack up against the competition. Guess what. My guy here isn’t the only one who’s been preparing for this program long before he was admitted. I’ve been getting ready for years too. Trained in jiu-jitsu and boxing on top of honing my super abilities. Have you even done anything? Or did you just apply and cross your fingers?”
Hannah could see where this was going in. She decided in that moment to just let it play out. Fuck it, she thought. She was basically done studying. Even if she failed the final, which she was confident that she wouldn’t, she’d still pass the class. She stood up, pressed an icon on her tablet touchscreen and began putting other things away in her bag while she spoke. “Actually, I never had any special training as a kid. To tell you the truth, I shouldn’t even be here. I got into some trouble years ago. The kind of trouble that normally prevents one from getting admitted into an HCP. But, I was on a PEERs team for years and I got to do a lot of…
“Ha! You’re telling us you’re fucking a Corpie. Can you believe this, dude?“ Tristan nudged Lucas, looking for his agreement. To his credit, Lucas appeared visibly uncomfortable and leaned away from the other boy.
“Don’t know what it says about your class if they’re letting Corpies in,” continued Tristan with a sneer. “I guess you really do need to study. Obviously you’re the one that needs a back up plan. And here’s another thing little girl. It’s not just about how much you’ve trained beforehand, it’s also about who you know. And I know people. My mom‘s best friend is related to the Hero, Unseelie. So I’ve actually met a few Heroes who I’m sure will vouch for me when the time comes. Pity you can’t say the same. We all know Heroes don’t give two shits about Corpies.”
For a moment Hannah’s face expressed a flat affect. Then suddenly she burst into laughter. And not just some derisive laugh as though she was trying to convey to Tristan that she didn’t take his comments seriously. But an eye watering, oxygen depriving, honest to the Gods belly laugh. The kind of laugh that would’ve been contagious had she been around friends. She carried on for a minute until her amusement died down to a just a mild chortle. Hannah wiped her eyes. “You know people?“ She started laughing again, even louder than the first time. “Oh my Gods. Stop. Stop. I can’t breathe. Is this your fucking power?” Hannah was bent over at the waist still laughing hysterically, holding out one finger as to communicate, “give me a second.” After another minute, she wiped her eyes again, took a big gulp of air, and collected herself. “Woooh. Now that was some funny fucking shit.”
“Who in the hell do you think…“ Tristan started to say through gritted teeth.
“No no no. Please don’t get me started again. I don’t think my ribs can take it,“ said Hannah still chuckling some. “Let’s see what have I done and who do I know? You know I always knew that eventually I’d tell people about this, I just didn’t think it would go down like this.” The summoner raised her hand, then slowly curled it into a fist. Standing 3ft tall and leaning into the corner so as not to be visible to anyone who happened to be looking into the room at that moment, was Hopcules, adorned in the same armor he’d worn on the day he helped to save Brewster. “Look familiar to anyone?”
“That looks like the giant rabbit that fought robots with Titan. Hare-a-clees or something like that. My little sister has like 5 of its t-shirts ,” Lucas responded.
“Wow kid, you really are shit with remembering names. Hop-cu-les is the name I gave him when I was just a kid. Surprised the shit outta me that he came out the size of a skyscraper when those robots nearly killed me and my team, ” Hannah stated nonchalantly as she waved her hand and made Hopcules fade away.
With a grudging realization, Tristan began to ask, “wait, you’re not actually saying…”
“Oh look, captain mc-douche-nozzle is catching on. Somebody give the kid a prize. Yes, dumbass, I’m actually saying I fought with Titan, yes, thee fucking Titan, with every other Hero team in Brewster to stop those mechs from destroying the entire city. I’m saying the strongest hero alive is my personal mentor and it was his recommendation that got me into this program.”
Lucas looked back and forth between Hannah and Tristan having already realized that the sophomore might be one of those guys who’d lash out over his perceived inferiority. Lucas was so curious though he had to ask, “but… But, that rabbit is everywhere these days. Not just T-shirts. Toys, a cartoon, and I just read there’s going to be a next-gen console video game based on his character. If you own the rights to that image, you’d be loaded.“
“Eh,” Hannah said with shrug. “Youre leaving out the movie deal Lenny just got for me, but not something I talk about too much . It leaves me enough to be comfortable and to be able to donate a library wing to the university thats giving me a shot at being a hero.” Hannah responded. She gave Tristan a quick wink and glanced over her shoulder towards the door.
Tristan looked in the same direction and noticed something he hadn’t bothered paying attention to before, a small engraving on the center of the door of a bipedal rabbit. This would’ve been the most surprising thing that he’d seen since he set foot in the room if it wasn’t for the photo that appeared on Hannah’s tablet now facing him. It was an image of five people: Graham De Soto, the new head of the DVA, Titan in his iconic Hero costume, Dean Jackson, a large muscular young man with a shit eating grin who Tristan didn’t recognize, and another person in a generic gray mask, presumably female, and wearing a smile of malicious enjoyment, the same as the women standing before him.
Hannah saw what caught his attention and picked up her tablet. “Oh, did you notice this? I love this picture. Titan called me in for back up as a Temporary Emergency Hero Asset. We beat the shit out of a literal army of enhanced criminal supers and took this picture after everything calmed down. All the other HCP deans were there too. Mr. Desoto actually told me if I ever needed a favor, he owed me one.” Hannah wore a wistful expression as she thought back on that day with fondness.
“Anyway, I gotta get outta here. S’posed to meet up with my training partners. Cause no matter what your background is or who you know, no one is a shoe-in for the final 10. Lucas, feel free to meet us in the combat cells tonight if you want to get a work out in and get tired of hanging out with this fuckwad. Later losers!” Hannah said this last part as she turned around and headed towards door while holding up her middle finger for all to see.
Tristan was obviously livid. His hands had been visibly shaking as he stood and listened to all the ways this 1st year had accomplished more than he’d even thought possible for student. Who does this little bitch think she is? She’s full of shit. She has to be. I’ll show her. From his elbows down, Tristan‘s arms began to darken. In seconds the two appendages looked like small tree trunks, with his fingers elongating into barbed tendril-liked branches rapidly moving towards Hannah.
Although Lucas had worked for years to improve his ability to cast his energy based illusionary environments-referred to by one quirky coach in the past as a “holodeck”- speed was an element that he continued to struggle with. He began to cast a simple illusion of darkness, so as to blind Tristan, but he knew almost immediately that it wouldn’t reach him in time. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw furry white movement. The miniature Hopcules had reappeared and was running towards the back of the chair Tristan had been sitting in. With a parkour maneuver that would make Jackie Chan jealous, Hopcules leapt from the floor to the chair, then from the chair to the rear wall. He torpedoed off of the wall with the force of both hind paws and made contact Tristan’s head, knocking the arrogant second year to the floor. He laid there dazed and confused about what had just struck him as his branches retracted and his arms returned to normal. The summon vanished before he even touched the ground.
Hannah smiled as she exited the room. Thanks be to the Gods. I was hoping that piece of shit would try something so I could have self-defense as an excuse. Kacey and Devon better be ready. I’m already warmed up.
2024.05.14 00:57 Decent-Custard-1747 Goodbye Purdue!!!❤️ Thank You for the Journey filled with Sinusoidal Crests and Troughs🙏🏻
After graduation, today I am leaving West Lafayette & Purdue - a place I have called home for past few years. Purdue happened accidentally to me but this place has completely changed my life for the better. I would not wish I had gone anywhere else and would love to live through my time here again. Please bear with me, I would like to vent out my feelings, which am sure many of you would relate to.
Academic & Professional Success : As a student, arrived here with a goal in mind to target a specific field in Computer Engineering. With all honesty, taking absolutely no shortcuts - a fact of which I am proud of, I did some of the most difficult courses under some amazing Professors. For the love of learning, I have worked hard to grasp the material being taught and accomplish all projects with own genuine efforts. There have been times of absolute frustration and despair but each time I have tried to come back stronger. Was funded throughout my studies here, did few internships at the leading companies where I competed technically with the students from some of the best engineering schools, came out with great success and currenly have a job lined up in the most sought-after technical field.
Personal Struggles : All the above may sound great but I have had my share of struggles. I thought I had found my true love and my Purdue fairy tale could not get any better but it was not meant to be. I did experience a terrible heart break. Also being away from the immediate family for such long periods of time, I have experienced severe loneliness to the point where celebrating festivals became a chore in itself. Having said that on this beautiful and huge campus, I did meet some of the most amazing people who have helped me throughout my stay here, I am sincerely thankful for that. To all the folks who cut contact, left me and present friends thank you for all the wonderful times and making me feel less lonely here, making this journey here a memorable one.
Current and Future BoilerMakers : I am going to miss this place, the little things that this campus offers and the surreal energy levels on the campus - be it snow, rain or spring, students are beaming with enthusiasm. The thrill of looking for on-campus assistantships, searching internships, applying for full time jobs, interviewing and attending fun events/games on the campus with friends were some of the highlights of my stay here. Looking back, I sincerely wish I had studied a bit less, made some more meaningful connections, been more outgoing, had more fun and dealt with my relationships & friendships in a different manner. I know hindsight is 20/20, things worked out professionally for me in the end but along with memories I will carry a lot of regrets with me. I would like to urge each one of you reading this to make most of your time here, give due importance to studying but Purdue is “much more” than that. I hope each of you figure out your “much more” and cherish each and every moment on the campus. All Hail our own Purdue !!! Bolier Up !!!
submitted by Decent-Custard-1747 to Purdue [link] [comments]
Academic & Professional Success : As a student, arrived here with a goal in mind to target a specific field in Computer Engineering. With all honesty, taking absolutely no shortcuts - a fact of which I am proud of, I did some of the most difficult courses under some amazing Professors. For the love of learning, I have worked hard to grasp the material being taught and accomplish all projects with own genuine efforts. There have been times of absolute frustration and despair but each time I have tried to come back stronger. Was funded throughout my studies here, did few internships at the leading companies where I competed technically with the students from some of the best engineering schools, came out with great success and currenly have a job lined up in the most sought-after technical field.
Personal Struggles : All the above may sound great but I have had my share of struggles. I thought I had found my true love and my Purdue fairy tale could not get any better but it was not meant to be. I did experience a terrible heart break. Also being away from the immediate family for such long periods of time, I have experienced severe loneliness to the point where celebrating festivals became a chore in itself. Having said that on this beautiful and huge campus, I did meet some of the most amazing people who have helped me throughout my stay here, I am sincerely thankful for that. To all the folks who cut contact, left me and present friends thank you for all the wonderful times and making me feel less lonely here, making this journey here a memorable one.
Current and Future BoilerMakers : I am going to miss this place, the little things that this campus offers and the surreal energy levels on the campus - be it snow, rain or spring, students are beaming with enthusiasm. The thrill of looking for on-campus assistantships, searching internships, applying for full time jobs, interviewing and attending fun events/games on the campus with friends were some of the highlights of my stay here. Looking back, I sincerely wish I had studied a bit less, made some more meaningful connections, been more outgoing, had more fun and dealt with my relationships & friendships in a different manner. I know hindsight is 20/20, things worked out professionally for me in the end but along with memories I will carry a lot of regrets with me. I would like to urge each one of you reading this to make most of your time here, give due importance to studying but Purdue is “much more” than that. I hope each of you figure out your “much more” and cherish each and every moment on the campus. All Hail our own Purdue !!! Bolier Up !!!
2024.05.14 00:53 ExternalOperation913 I 26M need help with current long distance relationship with partner 25F?
So I ‘26 M’ have been with my long distance girlfriend ‘25 F’ for 3 years now. initially we started in the same city, then she moved to a city close by to my home town to study around about the same time i moved back to my home town also, so this was fine, after she then moved back to her home country, not too far but definitely much more of a struggle than previous.
We had a 8 month split due to struggles with the distance last year, but we said we’d give it another shot because we love each other and we want to make it work.
I’ve been struggling with the distance recently and i’m finding it difficult to see any progress in the relationship. I’ve offered to move to her current home town for a short period which is in a different country while i was moving between jobs, i’ve offered to meet her in the middle and move to a city we would both enjoy where she can find work as well as I, both suggestions I was shut down with, she wants to move to a different country or to London, neither of these options would be feasible for me, not because i don’t want to but because they’re big expensive changes i don’t feel comfortable to make, I think it’s better to prioritise things like focusing on savings to progress to buying a property etc she doesn’t want to make any changes to her plans at all to accommodate the relationship and my resent of the relationship is growing stronger by the day as i am unhappy and feel like it’s got too an unsustainable point. I love her alot and when we’re together i’m on cloud 9 I really feel like she’s my type of person, but it’s hard to see the positives when 80% of the relationship is maintained through texts and calls, I work an intense job and live by myself so i spend a lot of time either working or maintaining myself / my flat. I’ve tried to manoeuvre conversations to talk about the future and where we are actually going to be in a few years times but alot of the time i’m shut down and told to stop moaning or bringing her down.
No idea what to do anymore, help me please?
submitted by ExternalOperation913 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
We had a 8 month split due to struggles with the distance last year, but we said we’d give it another shot because we love each other and we want to make it work.
I’ve been struggling with the distance recently and i’m finding it difficult to see any progress in the relationship. I’ve offered to move to her current home town for a short period which is in a different country while i was moving between jobs, i’ve offered to meet her in the middle and move to a city we would both enjoy where she can find work as well as I, both suggestions I was shut down with, she wants to move to a different country or to London, neither of these options would be feasible for me, not because i don’t want to but because they’re big expensive changes i don’t feel comfortable to make, I think it’s better to prioritise things like focusing on savings to progress to buying a property etc she doesn’t want to make any changes to her plans at all to accommodate the relationship and my resent of the relationship is growing stronger by the day as i am unhappy and feel like it’s got too an unsustainable point. I love her alot and when we’re together i’m on cloud 9 I really feel like she’s my type of person, but it’s hard to see the positives when 80% of the relationship is maintained through texts and calls, I work an intense job and live by myself so i spend a lot of time either working or maintaining myself / my flat. I’ve tried to manoeuvre conversations to talk about the future and where we are actually going to be in a few years times but alot of the time i’m shut down and told to stop moaning or bringing her down.
No idea what to do anymore, help me please?
2024.05.14 00:53 BlushRR Just some things i don’t know what to do about
I’m not sure if this is the right place to talk about this but it’s worth a shot. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how my ex left me without much of a chance for me to say anything. blocked everywhere. it feels like most people either end up growing apart from me overtime or just cutting me off. we were together almost 2 years and i was comforted being told they would always be there. It’s been almost a month and a half without them and i really don’t miss them. shortly afteduring our relationship they were talking to my friend much more than me and proceeded to tell their freinds that they had feelings for him. It hurt a lot but also made me realize i dodged a bullet. they also called me emotionally abusive after they left which has hurt a lot too. they were there at my lowest and left me there too. It’s also getting harder to sleep at night and it’s getting a bit much. i’m 16 also not sure if this was the right place to post but yeah.
submitted by BlushRR to depression [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 00:50 Ofcertainthings How can I get my OT from my previous employer paid out?
I switched jobs in january and absolutely hated the new employer. I only stayed for a month because they lied about a ton of stuff pre-employment, they treated me like shit, and they expected me to treat my employees like shit.
I was working a lot more hours than planned also, which I had to self-report for later approval by my manager as my salaried position did not clock in and out.
After I quit, I was focused on finding another job (I tried to wait until I already had one lined up, but could not) and did not immediately report my OT because I didn't think it would matter as long as I reported it before the next pay period was calculated.
To make a long story short, after discussion with HR who passed me off to IT, then going back and forth with them, I found I could not report because my account had already been closed, which is wild to me because I can still log in and see my pay information from the job BEFORE this one.
I got back with HR and let them know and asked how I could still report my hours. They told me to just send them what I worked, so I did.
That was over two months ago and I haven't heard anything else, nor have I received any payment. To make this even worse, I have to pay back a signing bonus since I left within a year. That is going to be VERY painful to pay back if I'm also missing out on $1k+ in OT.
How can I get them to pay out the OT?
submitted by Ofcertainthings to antiwork [link] [comments]
I was working a lot more hours than planned also, which I had to self-report for later approval by my manager as my salaried position did not clock in and out.
After I quit, I was focused on finding another job (I tried to wait until I already had one lined up, but could not) and did not immediately report my OT because I didn't think it would matter as long as I reported it before the next pay period was calculated.
To make a long story short, after discussion with HR who passed me off to IT, then going back and forth with them, I found I could not report because my account had already been closed, which is wild to me because I can still log in and see my pay information from the job BEFORE this one.
I got back with HR and let them know and asked how I could still report my hours. They told me to just send them what I worked, so I did.
That was over two months ago and I haven't heard anything else, nor have I received any payment. To make this even worse, I have to pay back a signing bonus since I left within a year. That is going to be VERY painful to pay back if I'm also missing out on $1k+ in OT.
How can I get them to pay out the OT?
2024.05.14 00:50 Buddy5000 Should I drive it 205 or 250?
Previously used a 10.5 degree loft setting with a short backswing and was driving it 190-220 consistently in bounds. Dispersion of maybe 50-60 yards, would only lose a ball out of bounds maybe every other round.
Changed the loft setting down to 9.5 degrees and extended my backswing. I’m now driving it 240-260 but dispersion is a lot wider, maybe 80-100 yards. 2 balls OB this morning. Most shots are decently clustered in the middle but with a few wild misses.
Distances are from on course (not driving range) after roll out, tracked with shot scope.
Started playing this past December.
I love having more distance but some of that dispersion is taking a toll. Should I revert to old swing and loft settings? If not, is there a second tee club I can get? I’ve struggled to use my 5 wood off the fairway so took it out of the bag. Should I just use a wood off the tee on narrow fairways? Get a mini driver? What should I do?
submitted by Buddy5000 to golf [link] [comments]
Changed the loft setting down to 9.5 degrees and extended my backswing. I’m now driving it 240-260 but dispersion is a lot wider, maybe 80-100 yards. 2 balls OB this morning. Most shots are decently clustered in the middle but with a few wild misses.
Distances are from on course (not driving range) after roll out, tracked with shot scope.
Started playing this past December.
I love having more distance but some of that dispersion is taking a toll. Should I revert to old swing and loft settings? If not, is there a second tee club I can get? I’ve struggled to use my 5 wood off the fairway so took it out of the bag. Should I just use a wood off the tee on narrow fairways? Get a mini driver? What should I do?
2024.05.14 00:41 19Furien91 So I fell in love with the Arc Thrower today - Zap Zap
I decided to use the arc thrower as a laugh against the bugs today... and I fell in love with it. I do have the upgrades on the ship so i have extra arcs and such, but it is so much fun to just keep zapping the bugs:
submitted by 19Furien91 to Helldivers [link] [comments]
- It isn't effective in close range (close enough to melee), you need to be a few metres or so away from them for it to be effective
- The range surprises me, if you actually aim above the targets you want, it will go farther and I have hit monsters surprisingly far away. then watch it hop to others, I have wiped out a few patrols and bug breaches (difficulty 6 only so far) happily.
- Yes it is line of sight and it seems to connect to the targets centre of mass. so be careful if bugs are hiding behind rocks and terrain, you need full view of their centre of mass.
- It penetrates chargers and bile titans and you can kill them with it (yes it takes a while, but it is actually fun to have something that can hurt these buggers that isn't explosive).
- if you have multiple chargers close enough, it will zap multiple ones at once. Watching an arc jump from a bile titan to another smaller bug is fun.
- When you keep zapping a Charger or bile titan, ocasionally, you will see a chunk of their body explode outwards... it is very satisfying.
- If you can work out the rhythm of it, after your first shot, it will actually charger the second shot onwards faster, think it takes about 1 second to charge after the first shot - you can start charging it again the moment you released an arc. You will be surprised how fast it can fire when you get the hang of the zapping charging rhythm.
- You can zap shriekers in the sky with one zap... albeit, it can be hit or miss.
- It is versatile since it hurts all variants of the bugs, knocks them back too (except the big ones), brood commanders cannot get close since you keep stunning them and pushing them back!
- I have tested it on bots and it does damage the hulks and has a minor stagger to them too.
- have not confirmed it's ability against tanks, drop ships, gunships, cannon towers, emplacements or factory striders - have fun testing it!
2024.05.14 00:38 craftytoonlover I may be a petty jersey, but at least I got away from a "toxic" friend.
Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
submitted by craftytoonlover to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
2024.05.14 00:36 DrowningTrumpet I need to stop before I break down. I never thought I would actually post here...
I'm a long time lurker here, what, I think, kinda speaks for itself. Made a throwaway for this. I'm not a native english speaker, but I hope I can express myself in a decent way.
Right now, I (M30) really feel like reflecting my drinking behavior, because yesterday I felt like dying. AGAIN. Like I have so often already, but the cycle starts over and over again so quickly that I just can't get ahold of it and it seems like i just go with that "flow" like forever...
I'm from Germany, where we have a huge drinking-culture. Everyone seems to enjoy their drink like anytime and all over the place and it's just viewed as perfectly normal. And well, it kinda is - it sometimes appears to me that drinking is what connects and holds our rather distanced and self-centered german society together in some way, I don't know...
My parents both are big time alcoholics - my mom actually went to rehab and keeps being sober for almost 8 years now - I'm extremely proud of her! My dad doesn't even see an issue with his drinking, since it's "just beer". Literally all day, everyday, but "just beer", so from his pov it's non-problematic. I grew up with both of them, but I moved out at 16 because of, well, reasons, so I don't have the best relationship with them whatsoever.
I drink regulary since I'm 13 years old. Sometimes more, sometimes less but never have I didn't drink and I've never really seen a problem with that. There's been periods of daily binge-drinking for several months straight in my teenage years, it then got less in my 20s. Now the average german village-dude would probably say I shouldn't adress this "little" regular drinking as a problem. But I will from now on, because it is...
I currently live with my lovely wife in a nice flat in a fine big city and I work a great job where I feel valued and respected. And rather surprisingly I get to manage all of that pretty well despite the drinking... but I feel like that isn't going to work very much longer.
I have a lot of good friends and a smaller circle (5) of long term "best friends" who I really love from the bottom of my heart. We went through a lot of together so it really feels deeply familiar to be around them. We hang out quite a lot and by hanging out you could say we're basically getting shitfaced together... Every damn time...
We all (and especially myself) have literally zero self-control when it comes to alcohol, so when we start (and we do always start at some point) we just don't stop until it's all "empty and late". Even then it's not uncommon to visit another 24h-store or a club/pub to drink a couple more, sometimes in the middle of the night on a tuesday... For many many years now, we meet 2-4 times a week in various constellations and just have ridiculously huge quantities of beer and wine together, sometimes liqour on the weekends, and we basically just drink, talk and goof around for hours. I mean sometimes we play football or basketball, go on a hike or a bicycle-tour, or we cook dinner, visit a concert or partys/ events but man we're always drinking like there's no tomorrow. And in those moments it always feels so damn right...
But when reality snaps back into my body and mind again, I feel like an empty piece of weak and hurt shame and it's getting worse with every drinking-session... lately my health definitely seem to suffer a lot more than I'm used to, I am extremely nauseous and dizzy the days after drinking, suffer from extreme headaches and feel enormously depressed and anxious. And life just goes on and on while there is no break to be seen...
I lost my keys, wallet and phone multiple times the last few years, had multiple (minor) accidents while drunk-driving my bike, got into fights with random (drunk) people, did drugs just because "why not", got arrested for stupid bullshit I'd have never done sober, disappointed my wife and friends because I couldn't get my hungover ass up for planned activities, forgot or canceled a few important appointments... it's actually like: half of the time I'm drunk and the other half of the time I'm hungover, on and on and on, and it's getting more and more exhausting to the point I feel like Im about to break down in the future... I archieved a lot of great things in the past 10 years and am proud of myself in many ways, but suddenly I feel like I've lost control a looong while ago and am now starting to realize it and that's kinda terrifying...
My friends and I talked about general drinking a lot throughout the years and kinda agreed on "yeah, we're basically 'functional alcoholics', but as long as everyone of us gets his stuff together and is happy - why not?". That never felt wrong, because I've always been indeed a rather happy person and got my stuff indeed quite good together. My wife (who btw also enjoys to have her drinks with us sometimes, but absolutely knows her limit and is inspiringly reasonable) is super sweet and supportive in any way, but she too has been worried lately as she realizes I'm starting to not do feel too well...
On saturday another 3-day-streak had come to an embarrassing end - the 5th time that week I was really really drunk... Monday and Tuesday the usual "let's grab a beer and hang out" (both days lead to 8-10 beers and at least 2 bottles of white wine), on Thursday I've visited a concert (blackout drunk), on friday a friend celebrated her birthday (like 8 beers and a few cocktails amd shots) and saturday I helped another friend moving so I of course "needed a beer to end the day" - Came home in the morning and slept with all my clothes on the couch, can't remember nothing after like midnight... Yesterday I literally just laid in my bed, scrolled through senseless apps for hours and felt physically and mentally deeply sick...
It's been the nicest weather all day, my beautiful wife went out to the lake with her friends, birds singing, children playing, air smells like BBQ... and I was here, alone, feeling like a dead sick self-pitying waste of space, asking myself what I'm doing with this wonderful life... I feel a desperate need for change, but right now I don't know how and I cannot imagine how I should gather the strength to just not drink at all from now on. I don't even seem to have the strength to drink just a little less soentimes ffs... but definitely IWNDWYT - I got to start somewhere...
Thanks for reading, I needed to let that out...
submitted by DrowningTrumpet to stopdrinking [link] [comments]
Right now, I (M30) really feel like reflecting my drinking behavior, because yesterday I felt like dying. AGAIN. Like I have so often already, but the cycle starts over and over again so quickly that I just can't get ahold of it and it seems like i just go with that "flow" like forever...
I'm from Germany, where we have a huge drinking-culture. Everyone seems to enjoy their drink like anytime and all over the place and it's just viewed as perfectly normal. And well, it kinda is - it sometimes appears to me that drinking is what connects and holds our rather distanced and self-centered german society together in some way, I don't know...
My parents both are big time alcoholics - my mom actually went to rehab and keeps being sober for almost 8 years now - I'm extremely proud of her! My dad doesn't even see an issue with his drinking, since it's "just beer". Literally all day, everyday, but "just beer", so from his pov it's non-problematic. I grew up with both of them, but I moved out at 16 because of, well, reasons, so I don't have the best relationship with them whatsoever.
I drink regulary since I'm 13 years old. Sometimes more, sometimes less but never have I didn't drink and I've never really seen a problem with that. There's been periods of daily binge-drinking for several months straight in my teenage years, it then got less in my 20s. Now the average german village-dude would probably say I shouldn't adress this "little" regular drinking as a problem. But I will from now on, because it is...
I currently live with my lovely wife in a nice flat in a fine big city and I work a great job where I feel valued and respected. And rather surprisingly I get to manage all of that pretty well despite the drinking... but I feel like that isn't going to work very much longer.
I have a lot of good friends and a smaller circle (5) of long term "best friends" who I really love from the bottom of my heart. We went through a lot of together so it really feels deeply familiar to be around them. We hang out quite a lot and by hanging out you could say we're basically getting shitfaced together... Every damn time...
We all (and especially myself) have literally zero self-control when it comes to alcohol, so when we start (and we do always start at some point) we just don't stop until it's all "empty and late". Even then it's not uncommon to visit another 24h-store or a club/pub to drink a couple more, sometimes in the middle of the night on a tuesday... For many many years now, we meet 2-4 times a week in various constellations and just have ridiculously huge quantities of beer and wine together, sometimes liqour on the weekends, and we basically just drink, talk and goof around for hours. I mean sometimes we play football or basketball, go on a hike or a bicycle-tour, or we cook dinner, visit a concert or partys/ events but man we're always drinking like there's no tomorrow. And in those moments it always feels so damn right...
But when reality snaps back into my body and mind again, I feel like an empty piece of weak and hurt shame and it's getting worse with every drinking-session... lately my health definitely seem to suffer a lot more than I'm used to, I am extremely nauseous and dizzy the days after drinking, suffer from extreme headaches and feel enormously depressed and anxious. And life just goes on and on while there is no break to be seen...
I lost my keys, wallet and phone multiple times the last few years, had multiple (minor) accidents while drunk-driving my bike, got into fights with random (drunk) people, did drugs just because "why not", got arrested for stupid bullshit I'd have never done sober, disappointed my wife and friends because I couldn't get my hungover ass up for planned activities, forgot or canceled a few important appointments... it's actually like: half of the time I'm drunk and the other half of the time I'm hungover, on and on and on, and it's getting more and more exhausting to the point I feel like Im about to break down in the future... I archieved a lot of great things in the past 10 years and am proud of myself in many ways, but suddenly I feel like I've lost control a looong while ago and am now starting to realize it and that's kinda terrifying...
My friends and I talked about general drinking a lot throughout the years and kinda agreed on "yeah, we're basically 'functional alcoholics', but as long as everyone of us gets his stuff together and is happy - why not?". That never felt wrong, because I've always been indeed a rather happy person and got my stuff indeed quite good together. My wife (who btw also enjoys to have her drinks with us sometimes, but absolutely knows her limit and is inspiringly reasonable) is super sweet and supportive in any way, but she too has been worried lately as she realizes I'm starting to not do feel too well...
On saturday another 3-day-streak had come to an embarrassing end - the 5th time that week I was really really drunk... Monday and Tuesday the usual "let's grab a beer and hang out" (both days lead to 8-10 beers and at least 2 bottles of white wine), on Thursday I've visited a concert (blackout drunk), on friday a friend celebrated her birthday (like 8 beers and a few cocktails amd shots) and saturday I helped another friend moving so I of course "needed a beer to end the day" - Came home in the morning and slept with all my clothes on the couch, can't remember nothing after like midnight... Yesterday I literally just laid in my bed, scrolled through senseless apps for hours and felt physically and mentally deeply sick...
It's been the nicest weather all day, my beautiful wife went out to the lake with her friends, birds singing, children playing, air smells like BBQ... and I was here, alone, feeling like a dead sick self-pitying waste of space, asking myself what I'm doing with this wonderful life... I feel a desperate need for change, but right now I don't know how and I cannot imagine how I should gather the strength to just not drink at all from now on. I don't even seem to have the strength to drink just a little less soentimes ffs... but definitely IWNDWYT - I got to start somewhere...
Thanks for reading, I needed to let that out...
2024.05.14 00:33 craftytoonlover I may be the A-H and a bit petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
submitted by craftytoonlover to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
2024.05.14 00:29 EinsteINTP_Sachi Would my webtoon possibly appear as sloppy/unprofessional/etc if I don't do 'proper' lineart?
 | Hello everyone, submitted by EinsteINTP_Sachi to WebtoonCanvas [link] [comments] I am an artist and writer in the process of creating a webtoon. I hoped I could get a few opinions here about my lineart and it's quality, and if it takes away the visual appeal if I keep it rough. Lineart is, quite simply put, the nemisis of my whole existence. I am about the slowest person on earth with it, even if I try to hurry, it makes my already hurt hand hurt even more, and on top of all that, I've recently developed a tremor in my hand because of health stuff that turns my lineart into the kind of cardiogram I'd have at the mere thought of drawing one straight line. Even simple lineart is just that hard to do, especially when I have a semi-clean sketch already that will always look better if I don't put in unreasonable amounts of time into the lineart. Fine and thin lineart looks very beautiful in my eyes, but there is a point in quality were I just can't keep up in speed and health, even when using vector layers and other tricks. And art wise, for anything other than webtoons, I never even did any lineart to begin with, but instead just always cleaned up my sketch, so I'm more used to making something look nice after, and less trained in being quick and steady with lineart. The stabilization that Procreate has would help immensely (because Clip Studio's barely does anything for my trembling, poor hand), but it's such a process switching back and forth without even having any vector layers in Procreate that I'd only consider it if quality-wise, it'd bring up my comic to another level. So, here are some examples of stuff I tried out so far. The first two have just my sketches as the linework. I accidentally merged the lineart and color layer somewhere along the way for the first one, so I couldn't really clean up the hair and irises/eyes much, or refine the lighting further, but opinion on it would still be cool. The second one, however, would probably be the amount of clean-up I'd do for my sketch, just that I'd use the first oen instead (plus, I properly did the lighting there already). The last one has full, clean lineart, vector layers and all, of the level I'd wish to have in my webtoon if it weren't for the issues above (the head is sadly missing because it's a spoiler, but the face looks just as clean and has a detailled face that gives it that 'special occasion' shot feel). The lineart took so much time however and eventually started to hurt my hand that i didn't even attempt to put in the many intricate details of the belt I had initially planned. All three of them are not completely finished panels in general yet, so further refinement in lighting and shadow will still be added. Still, how noticeable is the downgrade in line quality for the overall aesthetics? Would the extra time and effort for the clean lineart be worth it in direct comparison, even if just for the important panels (which I think i could manage at least)? Or would changing up line quality in the middle of work ruin the immersion? (Which is the feeling I get seeing clean lineart like the third picture suddenly appear among the messier ones) I'd be happy to hear a few opinions about what you think, how it looks to you, and so on:) Constructive criticism is appreciated, as well as any tips that could help with my problem, even on something different than lineart itself if stands out to any of you (for example, I struggle with making a face look the same over and over). Usually, I'm all for drawing however I want, but I have noticed that especially clean lineart is an 'almost always there standard' I see through Orignals and Canvas both. Maybe my standards for my own art are just too high (I'm just a lone artist after all), but I'd honesty be pretty sad if something I pour my whole heart into comes off as lazy or sloppy just because of a thing I struggle with going against one of the more common industry standard's grain. Thank you for reading all this already (I know I write a little too much, whoops), and I wish a good day or night:) |
2024.05.14 00:12 Bowazon_ Season 4 Heartseeker Victimise Rogue Guide by Bowa
 |
Season 4 Heartseeker Planner Links
How it worksHeartseeker is one of the Rogue’s ranged basic attacks that has a reliable chance of hitting its targets.Although Heartseeker is reliable in that respect, its damage potential was very limited throughout Diablo 4 history due to its lower base damage compared to core skills and combo points and because it had no way of delivering imbuement effects, inflicting area of effect (AoE) damage or taking advantage of the huge damage bonus from precision. While basic skills still can’t be imbued and precision doesn’t work with basic skills, Heartseeker’s main obstacles have been solved:
Also, because Heartseeker tracks targets, this can be used safely and reliably to deal damage to enemies from afar. As enemies then agro towards you from a distance and converge closer and closer together as they approach you, this allows your AoE explosions to deal more damage the more tightly packed enemies become. Pros
Victimise has interactions with your original attacks that result in your damage output being affected by double dipping. This means that certain buffs and debuffs boost your damage twice, usually in 2 different stages of your full damage calculation. Victimise bases its damage based on a percentage of damage that your Heartseeker hits do. For example, if Heartseeker does 10,000 damage and Victimise does 300% of your original (Heartseeker) damage, then Victimise explosions will do 30,000 damage. If then your Heartseeker damage is increased by buffs and debuffs that result in Heartseeker doing more damage against its targets, then this will increase the base damage of Victimise. For example, if the Control glyph + Exploit Weakness debuffs increase Heartseeker’s damage by 50%, then Heartseeker will now do 15,000 damage, and Victimise is expected to do 45,000 damage (because Victimise does 300% of your Heartseeker damage). However in this case, when Heartseeker results in a Victimise explosion and hits the same targets that are affected by the Control glyph + Exploit Weakness debuffs, then Victimise itself also gains the benefits from these debuffs, and its final damage will increase from 45,000 damage to 67,500 damage, or in other words 30,000 x 1.5 x 1.5 = 67,500 damage. Known interactions that double dip with Victimise:
To put things into perspective, while playing in the PTR, I noticed my Barrage hits that were doing 1.1 million damage were procing Victimise explosions that were doing almost 12 million damage. With Heartseeker, our damage per hit with Heartseeker and Victimise explosions will do much more damage, and Victimise explosions will occur more often. https://preview.redd.it/bjskc65ro90d1.png?width=756&format=png&auto=webp&s=5d30f050350d11604ee1a341efc7aee86d75a4ab The BuildSkills
Inner Sight, purely for the 25% critical strike chance bonus once every few moments. Passive Effects
Paragon
Stats/Gear PrioritiesSummary
We want to have as many CC applying effects from our tempering mods as possible across Boots, Pants, Gloves, Chest and Head gear pieces. The possible CC applying effects available from tempering are:
Bow vs Crossbow As a basic principle, bows shoot 22% faster and crossbows deal 22% more damage. However, some nuanced stuff should be noted:
Swords vs Daggers We use Heartseeker for our “core” attacks, so we will only rely on our swords or daggers for their damage bonuses. Swords come with extra critical strike damage and daggers come with extra damage versus close enemies. Given that we will have a high amount of critical strike chance with this build and we may be fighting from afar quite often, going with swords is more ideal for this build. Survivability For survivability, there are a few things that will help us here.
LevellingAt the start of your levelling journey, you should follow any other levelling guide out there that uses Rapid Fire, Barrage or Penetrating Shot and use combo points. Once you reach the key passives at the bottom of your skill tree, you should use Precision for the foreseeable future.There are a few key ingredients that you should get before switching over to using Heartseeker and Victimise: Heartseeker:
High-end PitIn high-end Pit content, even trash enemies will take a little while to kill. This will force you to use your Caltrops, Smoke Grenade and other tools more often to maintain an efficient clear speed. With this in mind, see the notes below on the changes to make from the standard build.
Boss Attack Rotation
|
2024.05.14 00:03 Icy_Competition8947 Reworking Taro (now in a dedicated post)
Or rather, in a dedicated repost, because silly me couldn't read the pinned post and wait a few hours before posting my text the first time.
After giving a proper rewrite to Ayano, it's now time to do the same for her love interest. But first, I must give my apologises. The title of my post is "Reworking Taro", but it's actually misleading because there was barely any work to redo to begin with. Ok, there was the easy jab at the original character. Reading my previous rewrite posts isn't necessary to understand this one, but would allow you to grasp the differences with the official game better. If you're too lazy to do so, just keep in mind that my rewrite is a bit more social-focused. Anyway, here's my full-fledged take on our senpai.
Just like many other mediocre harem MC, the main problem with Taro is that he is extremely bland. There's literally nothing worth noticing about him. Now don't get me wrong, making one of your main characters an Average Joe isn't a bad thing in itself, and I know that a yandere having a crush on ordinary people is nothing uncommon in modern Japanese media. However, even the most boringly average person that you can think of still has defined personality, goals, and passions that makes them at least more interesting than a slice of stale bread. In our case, you could replace Taro with a random object and the story would still make as much sense, which usually isn't a good sign for a story meant to have a serious tone. Just like my name choice suggested it, I wanted my version of Taro to stay ordinary. However, I tried to flesh out the little characterization he originally has to make him stand out in his own way, so that the numerous girls' interest in him would feel a bit less unbelievable.
This is Daiki Tanaka, a 17-years old Japanese boy living with his parents and his little sister. Like many other Japanese high-schoolers, he goes to high school from Monday to Friday, attends classes, studies for his tests, and hopes he will be accepted in a good university. And just like many other teenagers, he is is having interrogations about what he wants to do after graduation, how his classmates view him, and whether he'll find himself a girlfriend. Clearly, he's just an average student. Among the typical students you can find in a school, Daiki is a hard-working one. Pressured both by his parents and himself to get the best opportunities he can to settle his future, he is self-conscious about his academic performances and is always trying to improve his grades. Thus, he preferred to remain clubless and spend his free time alone to focus on his studies. Most of the time, he is seen studying at the school library, or reading a book of classic literature next to the fountain. But behind this ordinary reserved bookworm loner appearance is a kind and cultivated boy with a strong sense of justice and a clear passion for the old texts he's reading, making him actually quite a charming person to spend time with for those who can see past his plain exterior. Ayano, of course, is one of those few people, but little did she know that she won't be the only one interested in her dear senpai.
Now that Senpai can be interacted with, it’s time to explore the potential of this addition by giving him another feature regular students have: tasks. Even if you can withstand his aura a bit better than in the official game, most of the conversations you’ll have with him won’t be long due to Ayano’s shyness. So, if you want to befriend Daiki, those little errands are the key to increase your affinity with him. For a more immersive narration, Daiki's tasks won't be your usual fetch quests that you can accept or refuse, but small talk where you must pay attention and figure out what to do to by yourself. The tasks will be at first very simple, like bringing him his schoolbag that he forgot in his classroom or gifting him the book he wanted to buy. Then, as he feels more comfortable around you, he will start talking a bit more openly about his life and his preoccupations, naturally leading to more complex tasks with more vague formulations and less obvious solutions, such as helping him become less invisible among his classmates. What would be the point of doing all that, will you ask? Having a higher affinity with Daiki will allow Ayano to make him follow her if you need to tactically move him for one of your eliminations. He will also be more likely to reject the rivals’ love confessions in case you don’t have the time to deal with them yourself. Moreover, narrative-wise, I think having the main character interact with their love interest would be a more realistic and healthier depiction of romance in the story. Well, as “healthy” as a yandere can be. But of course, you could also completely ignore this mechanic and focus on eliminating if you want to.
Finally, I would like to improve the reactions he has regarding students' disappearances. Despite all those things happening near him, he is shocked for a bit and then just kinda... accept it like nothing strange happened? The second most important character of the game, ladies and gentlemen. I get it, Senpai is a loner, he is passive, and he is dense. But at this point, that's not being passive anymore, that's being a wooden plank. So, this is my take: Daiki's sense of justice and passion for literature gave him a natural curiosity for crimes because of its depiction in novels. When facing murder, he will mostly act according to the loner archetype. However, if too many deaths or disappearances near him stay unresolved by the police and his sanity is high enough, he will find the courage to take a more active role and investigate on the crimes himself. Obviously, Daiki won't be able to arrest anyone by himself, but he has the advantage of being directly at the crime place and closer to the people at school than the police. Thus, he could report them additional details that they might have missed, like a student acting stranger than usual, missing tools or places cleaner than usual. This could put you in trouble unless you cover your tracks very well, or just prevent him from investigating. And of course, I would also implement Senpai's sanity meter that has been promised for I don't know how much time (but honestly, are you still hoping for it to be implemented after all that happened?), although slightly reworked. Daiki's sanity would decrease with any person dying. The closer the person is to him, both physically and figuratively, the lower it would drop. The deaths that would affect him the most would thus be those of his sister, his childhood friend, or anyone murdered right in front of him. On the opposite, a random student dying at the other side of the school would barely have any effect. A low sanity would have various effects on Daiki depending on its value and the amount of time he has spent with the other students. Those effects could be taking private lessons due to his grades dropping, joining a certain club to feel safer, or shutting himself in at home in one of the worst scenarios. In any case, this would affect his routine. Just like in the official concept, he would be able to recover sanity with a long enough crimeless period or giving him gifts. Only now would the rivals also be able to use the later method to gain affection, making them act a bit more like romantic rivals. I hope you don't mind actually caring about your senpai's mental health.
Obviously, a reworked senpai means reworked dynamics with your main targets. Since detailing everything would be way too long for a single post, I'll just link here my take on the romantic rivals that I decided to keep in my hypothetical game, and here, what I'd do with the discarded ones. Since they are Daiki's closest people, and the most likely to affect his mood in the game, I'll still put here what I have in mind for my version of Osana and Hanako.
His sister
Just like his canon counterpart, Daiki loves his sister very much. A feeling that is reciprocated a bit too much. Unlike her brother who has a balanced lifestyle, the middle-schooler is a very clingy girl who can't imagine being away from him. She has the bad habit of leaving her school during lunchtime just to visit him, which greatly embarrasses Daiki. Even if he appreciates the time they spend together in the end, he knows that this behaviour is unhealthy, and hope that, one day, his sister will find the confidence to become more independent. In my rewrite, the little sister isn't a romantic rival, but someone that I'd call a "big obstacle", as her role is mainly to appear at random (or maybe not, I haven't decided yet) days during lunchtime and potentially mess up your planification for the day. You wouldn't want to kill someone in front of your crush's beloved sister, right?
His childhood friend
Daiki and his sister have known their neighbours' daughter for more than a decade. All three of them used to play together during their childhood. The neighbours' daughter is a brash and impulsive girl, whose personality clashes with Daiki's quieter nature. Despite frequently being at odds and arguing about trivial things, both of them deeply care about each other and would be the first person to help the other if they were having problems. Daiki and his friend didn't have many occasions to see each other since elementary school, until the girl coincidentally transferred to the same high school as him. Even if he is now more serious and reserved than before, deep inside, he is still the same kind boy that she knew. Now that they can once again spend much time together, the girl has come to realize she was in love with her dear friend, but her internal turmoil and her personality make it difficult for her to act sincere and confess her feelings. She stays otherwise pretty similar to Osana, except for the greater consequences when dealing with her by using lethal eliminations, and maybe the fact that she won't be the first rival to appear.
Budo (or whatever name I'll end up giving him)
Yes, you read it right. That guy that overshadows Senpai among the fans is one of his friends in my rewrite. Because even the most introverted individuals are able to develop relationships with people that aren't potential romantic interests. The leader of the martial arts club is an outgoing action-oriented boy who is pretty popular at school. Unlike Daiki, Budo always knew in his heart that his place would be in a dojo, and thus doesn't have much interest in academics. But despite having such different backgrounds and personalities, both boys share the same sense of justice and admiration toward heroes. When he's not attending classes, studying or reading, Daiki hangs out with Budo, and is sometimes invited to watch the martial arts club members practicing. If too many dangerous events happen around Daiki, Budo, as an aspiring hero and good friend, will propose to escort him at certain periods, becoming basically a part-time bodyguard.
Ayano
Nothing much to say here. Daiki unknowingly reminded Ayano, who has locked her heart for years, how great it is to have feelings when they first met, and now she wants to make sure nothing stands between them. How she will reach her ends is your decision. If she decides to spend time with him and do his tasks, he will think of her as a peculiar, but well-intentioned girl. Just like in canon, Daiki is oblivious to Ayano's feelings, but it's more due to the fact that they barely know each other.
And that was my full-fledged take on Taro. When you have an ordinary person as a character in the middle of very colourful ones, the key to make the public care about him is to give them tangible preoccupations that, even if they aren't always relatable, make this character at least feel like a real person with human struggles and dreams, and not just a barebone plot device. And that might seems obvious, but if you have to write a love interest, make sure you actually show your public what your main character likes about him. That's even more important in the case where many people are attracted to this character. I tried to take those two things into account when rewriting Taro, and I know it's far from perfect, so don't hesitate to tell me what I should improve. In any case, if you made it to the end, thank you for taking the time to read this long post. I hope I'll find the motivation to do the same with other characters.
submitted by Icy_Competition8947 to Osana [link] [comments]
After giving a proper rewrite to Ayano, it's now time to do the same for her love interest. But first, I must give my apologises. The title of my post is "Reworking Taro", but it's actually misleading because there was barely any work to redo to begin with. Ok, there was the easy jab at the original character. Reading my previous rewrite posts isn't necessary to understand this one, but would allow you to grasp the differences with the official game better. If you're too lazy to do so, just keep in mind that my rewrite is a bit more social-focused. Anyway, here's my full-fledged take on our senpai.
Just an ordinary upperclassman: Daiki Tanaka (田中 大樹)
Although Taro Yamada is a perfectly valid Japanese name, it's literally the Japanese equivalent of John Doe. This name just gives me the impression that nothing really matters about him, and that it isn't even worth the effort thinking about a proper name. That might have been the dev's intention, given Taro's characterisation in the game, but I personally can't consider being so lazy about the second most important character. So, rather than keeping this name that makes Senpai seem like some background character, I chose names that actually are very common in Japan in order to keep the "average guy" feeling. The most common Japanese surname is Sato (佐藤), but that sounded a bit too generic for me, so I opted for Tanaka (田中), another widespread name that you might already have seen in some anime. Surprisingly, despite also being common, Yamada (山田) doesn't even come close. For his first name, "Daiki" (written like this: 大樹) means "big tree". It's a fairly popular boy name during the last decades and doesn't refer to anything particular, except maybe the fact that he is a big brother.Just like many other mediocre harem MC, the main problem with Taro is that he is extremely bland. There's literally nothing worth noticing about him. Now don't get me wrong, making one of your main characters an Average Joe isn't a bad thing in itself, and I know that a yandere having a crush on ordinary people is nothing uncommon in modern Japanese media. However, even the most boringly average person that you can think of still has defined personality, goals, and passions that makes them at least more interesting than a slice of stale bread. In our case, you could replace Taro with a random object and the story would still make as much sense, which usually isn't a good sign for a story meant to have a serious tone. Just like my name choice suggested it, I wanted my version of Taro to stay ordinary. However, I tried to flesh out the little characterization he originally has to make him stand out in his own way, so that the numerous girls' interest in him would feel a bit less unbelievable.
This is Daiki Tanaka, a 17-years old Japanese boy living with his parents and his little sister. Like many other Japanese high-schoolers, he goes to high school from Monday to Friday, attends classes, studies for his tests, and hopes he will be accepted in a good university. And just like many other teenagers, he is is having interrogations about what he wants to do after graduation, how his classmates view him, and whether he'll find himself a girlfriend. Clearly, he's just an average student. Among the typical students you can find in a school, Daiki is a hard-working one. Pressured both by his parents and himself to get the best opportunities he can to settle his future, he is self-conscious about his academic performances and is always trying to improve his grades. Thus, he preferred to remain clubless and spend his free time alone to focus on his studies. Most of the time, he is seen studying at the school library, or reading a book of classic literature next to the fountain. But behind this ordinary reserved bookworm loner appearance is a kind and cultivated boy with a strong sense of justice and a clear passion for the old texts he's reading, making him actually quite a charming person to spend time with for those who can see past his plain exterior. Ayano, of course, is one of those few people, but little did she know that she won't be the only one interested in her dear senpai.
Gameplay role
According to the wiki:Gameplay-wise, Taro is more similar to a "moving obstacle" rather than a regular interactive student, as he cannot be interacted with normally.And you see, to me, that's a big problem. You spend the entire game keeping rivals away from Senpai by killing them, making them uninterested in him, or ruining their reputation, and after all the bad experiences he had with those (rather) normal girls, you expect me to believe that the girl Senpai, the perfectly normal guy at all levels, ends up choosing is the creepy lonely student that he has barely spoken to? Nah, I don't buy it. This is why, in my rewrite, my Senpai would be (most of the time) considered as a regular student that you can actually interact with. That means, first, that Ayano wouldn’t get immediately flustered by him when approaching him. I understand that people, especially teenagers, can act shy, nervous, or a little clumsy when their crush are at sight, but seriously, the depiction of this behaviour in the game is completely ridiculous. So, in my hypothetical game, you will have a small amount of time where you will be able to act normally near Daiki and talk to him before your heart starts beating louder and the screen gradually turns pink. Past this point, things pretty much happen the same as in the official game, since Ayano is emotionally unstable. Naturally, the more you interact with Daiki, the longer you will be able to remain calm in his presence.
Now that Senpai can be interacted with, it’s time to explore the potential of this addition by giving him another feature regular students have: tasks. Even if you can withstand his aura a bit better than in the official game, most of the conversations you’ll have with him won’t be long due to Ayano’s shyness. So, if you want to befriend Daiki, those little errands are the key to increase your affinity with him. For a more immersive narration, Daiki's tasks won't be your usual fetch quests that you can accept or refuse, but small talk where you must pay attention and figure out what to do to by yourself. The tasks will be at first very simple, like bringing him his schoolbag that he forgot in his classroom or gifting him the book he wanted to buy. Then, as he feels more comfortable around you, he will start talking a bit more openly about his life and his preoccupations, naturally leading to more complex tasks with more vague formulations and less obvious solutions, such as helping him become less invisible among his classmates. What would be the point of doing all that, will you ask? Having a higher affinity with Daiki will allow Ayano to make him follow her if you need to tactically move him for one of your eliminations. He will also be more likely to reject the rivals’ love confessions in case you don’t have the time to deal with them yourself. Moreover, narrative-wise, I think having the main character interact with their love interest would be a more realistic and healthier depiction of romance in the story. Well, as “healthy” as a yandere can be. But of course, you could also completely ignore this mechanic and focus on eliminating if you want to.
Finally, I would like to improve the reactions he has regarding students' disappearances. Despite all those things happening near him, he is shocked for a bit and then just kinda... accept it like nothing strange happened? The second most important character of the game, ladies and gentlemen. I get it, Senpai is a loner, he is passive, and he is dense. But at this point, that's not being passive anymore, that's being a wooden plank. So, this is my take: Daiki's sense of justice and passion for literature gave him a natural curiosity for crimes because of its depiction in novels. When facing murder, he will mostly act according to the loner archetype. However, if too many deaths or disappearances near him stay unresolved by the police and his sanity is high enough, he will find the courage to take a more active role and investigate on the crimes himself. Obviously, Daiki won't be able to arrest anyone by himself, but he has the advantage of being directly at the crime place and closer to the people at school than the police. Thus, he could report them additional details that they might have missed, like a student acting stranger than usual, missing tools or places cleaner than usual. This could put you in trouble unless you cover your tracks very well, or just prevent him from investigating. And of course, I would also implement Senpai's sanity meter that has been promised for I don't know how much time (but honestly, are you still hoping for it to be implemented after all that happened?), although slightly reworked. Daiki's sanity would decrease with any person dying. The closer the person is to him, both physically and figuratively, the lower it would drop. The deaths that would affect him the most would thus be those of his sister, his childhood friend, or anyone murdered right in front of him. On the opposite, a random student dying at the other side of the school would barely have any effect. A low sanity would have various effects on Daiki depending on its value and the amount of time he has spent with the other students. Those effects could be taking private lessons due to his grades dropping, joining a certain club to feel safer, or shutting himself in at home in one of the worst scenarios. In any case, this would affect his routine. Just like in the official concept, he would be able to recover sanity with a long enough crimeless period or giving him gifts. Only now would the rivals also be able to use the later method to gain affection, making them act a bit more like romantic rivals. I hope you don't mind actually caring about your senpai's mental health.
Relationships with other characters
The rivalsObviously, a reworked senpai means reworked dynamics with your main targets. Since detailing everything would be way too long for a single post, I'll just link here my take on the romantic rivals that I decided to keep in my hypothetical game, and here, what I'd do with the discarded ones. Since they are Daiki's closest people, and the most likely to affect his mood in the game, I'll still put here what I have in mind for my version of Osana and Hanako.
His sister
Just like his canon counterpart, Daiki loves his sister very much. A feeling that is reciprocated a bit too much. Unlike her brother who has a balanced lifestyle, the middle-schooler is a very clingy girl who can't imagine being away from him. She has the bad habit of leaving her school during lunchtime just to visit him, which greatly embarrasses Daiki. Even if he appreciates the time they spend together in the end, he knows that this behaviour is unhealthy, and hope that, one day, his sister will find the confidence to become more independent. In my rewrite, the little sister isn't a romantic rival, but someone that I'd call a "big obstacle", as her role is mainly to appear at random (or maybe not, I haven't decided yet) days during lunchtime and potentially mess up your planification for the day. You wouldn't want to kill someone in front of your crush's beloved sister, right?
His childhood friend
Daiki and his sister have known their neighbours' daughter for more than a decade. All three of them used to play together during their childhood. The neighbours' daughter is a brash and impulsive girl, whose personality clashes with Daiki's quieter nature. Despite frequently being at odds and arguing about trivial things, both of them deeply care about each other and would be the first person to help the other if they were having problems. Daiki and his friend didn't have many occasions to see each other since elementary school, until the girl coincidentally transferred to the same high school as him. Even if he is now more serious and reserved than before, deep inside, he is still the same kind boy that she knew. Now that they can once again spend much time together, the girl has come to realize she was in love with her dear friend, but her internal turmoil and her personality make it difficult for her to act sincere and confess her feelings. She stays otherwise pretty similar to Osana, except for the greater consequences when dealing with her by using lethal eliminations, and maybe the fact that she won't be the first rival to appear.
Budo (or whatever name I'll end up giving him)
Yes, you read it right. That guy that overshadows Senpai among the fans is one of his friends in my rewrite. Because even the most introverted individuals are able to develop relationships with people that aren't potential romantic interests. The leader of the martial arts club is an outgoing action-oriented boy who is pretty popular at school. Unlike Daiki, Budo always knew in his heart that his place would be in a dojo, and thus doesn't have much interest in academics. But despite having such different backgrounds and personalities, both boys share the same sense of justice and admiration toward heroes. When he's not attending classes, studying or reading, Daiki hangs out with Budo, and is sometimes invited to watch the martial arts club members practicing. If too many dangerous events happen around Daiki, Budo, as an aspiring hero and good friend, will propose to escort him at certain periods, becoming basically a part-time bodyguard.
Ayano
Nothing much to say here. Daiki unknowingly reminded Ayano, who has locked her heart for years, how great it is to have feelings when they first met, and now she wants to make sure nothing stands between them. How she will reach her ends is your decision. If she decides to spend time with him and do his tasks, he will think of her as a peculiar, but well-intentioned girl. Just like in canon, Daiki is oblivious to Ayano's feelings, but it's more due to the fact that they barely know each other.
Trivia
- Regarding his career choice, Daiki is hesitating between becoming an author, a lawyer or a criminologist.
- Like Taro, he also likes nature and gardening, but to a lesser extend.
- Sometimes, instead of a book of classic literature, you can see him reading the latest crime novel at the fountain. With a pen and a writing pad, because he's just that invested.
- Since he is friend with Budo, he sometimes feels too plain and boring compared to him regarding romance. If you use matchmaking to eliminate a rival, his self-consciousness will grow a bit stronger.
- He has never bought a panty shot from Info-chan, but honestly, do you really find this surprising, or even relevant? He has never even contacted Info-chan.
- I had quite the choice among popular Japanese boy names. Daiki could've been named "Yamato", "Daisuke", "Hiroto", "Yuto", "Yuu", or even "Satoshi" instead.
- In the official game, if Ayano commits a crime in his sight while wearing a mask, Taro will rip the mask off her face with no regard for his safety or his character consistency. I would like to get rid of this behaviour for Daiki, except for one specific circumstance.
And that was my full-fledged take on Taro. When you have an ordinary person as a character in the middle of very colourful ones, the key to make the public care about him is to give them tangible preoccupations that, even if they aren't always relatable, make this character at least feel like a real person with human struggles and dreams, and not just a barebone plot device. And that might seems obvious, but if you have to write a love interest, make sure you actually show your public what your main character likes about him. That's even more important in the case where many people are attracted to this character. I tried to take those two things into account when rewriting Taro, and I know it's far from perfect, so don't hesitate to tell me what I should improve. In any case, if you made it to the end, thank you for taking the time to read this long post. I hope I'll find the motivation to do the same with other characters.
2024.05.13 23:57 Old_Intactivist Citizens were randomly hanged and shot: The eyewitness testimony of Alice Campbell and others
Introduction to Chapter 8 ("Heralded by Columns of Smoke: Pee Dee River to Fayetteville, North Carolina"):
"Once across the Pee Dee River, General Sherman's army marched in the direction of Fayetteville.
"Resistance from Confederate cavalry under Generals Hampton, Butler and Wheeler was steady and continuous. Wheeler attacked at Rockingham on March 7, and Hampton surprised and captured Kilpatrick's camp on March 10. But Sherman's army marched steadily on.
"General Joseph E. Johnston, with headquarters at Fayetteville, was following General Lee's first instruction, 'Concentrate all available forces.' He moved his headquarters to Raleigh and directed the assembling of his army to Smithfield.
"Eighty-four years earlier, in January of 1781, North Carolina had suffered another march by an invading army. Lord Cornwallis and his army followed almost the same route on their way to Wilmington. This army had come three thousand miles to put down 'a rebellion'; and to pursue retreating 'rebels' through a wild and thinly scattered country. His army had passed through Cross Creek, which was now called Fayetteville.
"On March 11, General Sherman and his army entered this town. 'We have swept the country well,' he reported. 'The men and animals are in fine condition.'"
--------------------------------------------
"Miss Alice Campbell was President of the Fayetteville Knitting Society when Colonel A. H. Hickenlooper, of Sherman's army, chose her home for his five-day sojourn. Bummers also visited her."
--------------------------------------------
"'Sherman, with his hordes of depraved and lawless men, came upon us like swarms of bees, bringing sorrow and desolation in their pathway. For days we had been expecting them, and our loved boys in grey had been passing through in squads, looking ragged and hungry. We gave them food and clothing, especially shoes and socks, for many of them were bare-footed. The enemy seemed to be pouring in by every road that led to our doomed little town. Our Cavalry were contending every step, firing and falling back, covering the retreat of our gallant little band, Hardee's forces, with General Wade Hampton, Butler, and others -- the scene in our town baffled description, all was consternation and dismay. In less time than I can write this, Sherman's army was in possession of our once peaceful, quiet homes. Every yard and every house was teeming with the bummers, who went into our homes -- no place was sacred; they even went into our trunks and bureau draws, stealing everything they could find; our entire premises were ransacked and plundered, so there was nothing left for us to eat, but perhaps a little meal and peas. Chickens, and in fact all poultry was shot down and taken off with all else. We all knew our silver, jewelry and all valuables would fall into their hands, so many women hid them in such places as they thought would never be found ....
''They went into homes that were beautiful, rolled elegant pianos into the yard with valuable furniture, china, cut glass, and everything that was dear to the heart, even old family portraits, and chopped them up with axes -- rolled barrels of flour and molasses into the parlors, and poured out their contents on beautiful velvet carpets, in many cases set fire to lovely homes and burned them to the ground, and even took some of our old citizens and hanged them until life was nearly extinct, to force them to tell where their money was hidden; when alas! they had none to hide. They burned our factories, and we had a number of them, also many large warehouses, filled with homespun, and dwellings, banks, stores and other buildings, so that the nights were made hideous with dense smoke and firelight in every direction. The crowning point to this terrible nightmare of destruction was the burning and battering down of our beautiful and grandly magnificent Arsenal, which was our pride, and the showplace of our town.
''On our vacant lot behind our home .... were a number of Confederate prisoners who had been captured by Sherman's army, and placed there under guard. They numbered about one hundred, I think. They were hatless and shoeless and ragged ....'
"One of General Howard's young officers chose to stay in the home of Sally Hawthorne whose father and uncle owned two large cotton mills in Fayetteville. General Howard appropriated one of her uncle's houses and his men camped in the surrounding fields and grounds."For five days, Sally, her mother who 'refused to leave her room,' her father, and a houseful of young brothers and sisters and servants were under strict orders from the officers of invasion.
"'Never will I forget,' said the little girl, Sally, whose story follows."
--------------------------------------------
"'Those last days were busy ones for General Sherman and his staff. The beautiful arsenal was destroyed and, as it happened, several private residences also caught fire and burned down, no help being given to save them, and the helpless owners rescued little, thankful to escape with their lives. Also the office of the town paper was blown up, as the editor was an especially obnoxious person in the eyes of the invading army, having waged a bitter fight against the North, and as his office was in the centre of the business part of town, more buildings were burned. (2) Then came the last day of the occupation; the troops were gathering and horses and supplies were being moved. All horses found there were taken along and many in the surrounding country were rounded up. Then there were the warehouses of cotton and rosin. The cotton was brought out, the barrels of rosin piled on them, and all set afire in the street. If houses caught, they burned, and that was all; many did. So a pall of black smoke hung over everything and the people were in a sad state of excitement and nervous exhaustion. As many houses were without a man to help or advise, the men of the family having been killed or being still in the army, the women and children were alone with the servants. The servants, with very few exceptions, proved true to their trust; they had been left to take care of the mistress and children in the master's absence, and though much excited, and sometimes frightened, they looked after the household faithfully. Of course there were some foolish and giddy young men and women who followed the army as it moved on from place to place, but they were the exception, not the rule ....'
"'No spot seemed safe from Sherman's bummers, but homes in the country or suburbs usually suffered more keenly than those in a town or city. The experiences of an unidentified woman who lived near Fayetteville were shared by many neighbors who were visited by the men from Sherman's army."
---------------------------------------------
<< Fayetteville, N.C., March 22, 1865 >>
".... Sherman has gone and terrible has been the storm that has swept over us with his coming and going. They deliberately shot two of our citizens -- murdered them in cold blood -- one of them a Mr. Murphy, a wounded soldier, Confederate States Army. They hung up three others and one lady, merely letting them down just in time to save life, in order to make them tell where their valuables were concealed; and they whipped -- stripped and cowhided --several good and well known citizens for the same purpose.
"There was no place, no chamber, trunk, drawer, desk, garret, closet or cellar that was private to their unholy eyes. Their rude hands spared nothing but our lives, and those they would have taken but they knew that therein they would accomplish the death of a few helpless women and children -- they would not in the least degree break or bend the spirit of our people. Squad after squad unceasingly came and went and tramped through the halls and rooms of our house day and night during the entire stay of the army.'
"At our house they killed every chicken, goose, turkey, cow, calf and every living thing, even to our pet dog. They carried off our wagons, carriage and horses, and broke up our buggy, wheelbarrow, garden implements, axes, hatchets, hammers, saws, and burned the fences. Our smokehouse and pantry, that a few days ago were well stored with bacon, lard, flour, dried fruit, meal, pickles, preserves, etc., now contain nothing whatever except a few pounds of meal and flour and five pounds of bacon. They took from old men, women and children alike, every garment of wearing apparel save what we had on, not even sparing the napkins of infants! Blankets, sheets, quilts, &c., such as it did not suit them to take away they tore to pieces before our eyes. After destroying everything we had, and taking from us every morsel of food (save the pittance I have mentioned), one of these barbarians had to add insult to injury by asking me 'what you (I) would live upon now?' I replied, 'Upon patriotism; I will exist upon the love of my country as long as life will last, and then I will die as firm in that love as the everlasting hills.
''Oh,' says he, ' but we shall soon subjugate the rebellion, and you will then have no country to love.
''Never!' I interrupted, 'never! you and your blood-handed countrymen may make the whole of this beautiful land one vast graveyard but its people will never be subjugated. Every man, woman and child of us will sleep quietly in honourable graves, but we will never live dishonourable lives .....'"
"When Sherman Came: Southern Women and the 'Great March'" by Katharine M. Jones (1964). Chapter 8: "Heralded by Columns of Smoke: Pee Dee River to Fayetteville, North Carolina." New York: The Bobbs-Merrill Company, Inc. Pages 273-286.
submitted by Old_Intactivist to TheConfederateView [link] [comments]
"Once across the Pee Dee River, General Sherman's army marched in the direction of Fayetteville.
"Resistance from Confederate cavalry under Generals Hampton, Butler and Wheeler was steady and continuous. Wheeler attacked at Rockingham on March 7, and Hampton surprised and captured Kilpatrick's camp on March 10. But Sherman's army marched steadily on.
"General Joseph E. Johnston, with headquarters at Fayetteville, was following General Lee's first instruction, 'Concentrate all available forces.' He moved his headquarters to Raleigh and directed the assembling of his army to Smithfield.
"Eighty-four years earlier, in January of 1781, North Carolina had suffered another march by an invading army. Lord Cornwallis and his army followed almost the same route on their way to Wilmington. This army had come three thousand miles to put down 'a rebellion'; and to pursue retreating 'rebels' through a wild and thinly scattered country. His army had passed through Cross Creek, which was now called Fayetteville.
"On March 11, General Sherman and his army entered this town. 'We have swept the country well,' he reported. 'The men and animals are in fine condition.'"
--------------------------------------------
"Miss Alice Campbell was President of the Fayetteville Knitting Society when Colonel A. H. Hickenlooper, of Sherman's army, chose her home for his five-day sojourn. Bummers also visited her."
--------------------------------------------
"'Sherman, with his hordes of depraved and lawless men, came upon us like swarms of bees, bringing sorrow and desolation in their pathway. For days we had been expecting them, and our loved boys in grey had been passing through in squads, looking ragged and hungry. We gave them food and clothing, especially shoes and socks, for many of them were bare-footed. The enemy seemed to be pouring in by every road that led to our doomed little town. Our Cavalry were contending every step, firing and falling back, covering the retreat of our gallant little band, Hardee's forces, with General Wade Hampton, Butler, and others -- the scene in our town baffled description, all was consternation and dismay. In less time than I can write this, Sherman's army was in possession of our once peaceful, quiet homes. Every yard and every house was teeming with the bummers, who went into our homes -- no place was sacred; they even went into our trunks and bureau draws, stealing everything they could find; our entire premises were ransacked and plundered, so there was nothing left for us to eat, but perhaps a little meal and peas. Chickens, and in fact all poultry was shot down and taken off with all else. We all knew our silver, jewelry and all valuables would fall into their hands, so many women hid them in such places as they thought would never be found ....
''They went into homes that were beautiful, rolled elegant pianos into the yard with valuable furniture, china, cut glass, and everything that was dear to the heart, even old family portraits, and chopped them up with axes -- rolled barrels of flour and molasses into the parlors, and poured out their contents on beautiful velvet carpets, in many cases set fire to lovely homes and burned them to the ground, and even took some of our old citizens and hanged them until life was nearly extinct, to force them to tell where their money was hidden; when alas! they had none to hide. They burned our factories, and we had a number of them, also many large warehouses, filled with homespun, and dwellings, banks, stores and other buildings, so that the nights were made hideous with dense smoke and firelight in every direction. The crowning point to this terrible nightmare of destruction was the burning and battering down of our beautiful and grandly magnificent Arsenal, which was our pride, and the showplace of our town.
''On our vacant lot behind our home .... were a number of Confederate prisoners who had been captured by Sherman's army, and placed there under guard. They numbered about one hundred, I think. They were hatless and shoeless and ragged ....'
"'Never will I forget,' said the little girl, Sally, whose story follows."
--------------------------------------------
"'Those last days were busy ones for General Sherman and his staff. The beautiful arsenal was destroyed and, as it happened, several private residences also caught fire and burned down, no help being given to save them, and the helpless owners rescued little, thankful to escape with their lives. Also the office of the town paper was blown up, as the editor was an especially obnoxious person in the eyes of the invading army, having waged a bitter fight against the North, and as his office was in the centre of the business part of town, more buildings were burned. (2) Then came the last day of the occupation; the troops were gathering and horses and supplies were being moved. All horses found there were taken along and many in the surrounding country were rounded up. Then there were the warehouses of cotton and rosin. The cotton was brought out, the barrels of rosin piled on them, and all set afire in the street. If houses caught, they burned, and that was all; many did. So a pall of black smoke hung over everything and the people were in a sad state of excitement and nervous exhaustion. As many houses were without a man to help or advise, the men of the family having been killed or being still in the army, the women and children were alone with the servants. The servants, with very few exceptions, proved true to their trust; they had been left to take care of the mistress and children in the master's absence, and though much excited, and sometimes frightened, they looked after the household faithfully. Of course there were some foolish and giddy young men and women who followed the army as it moved on from place to place, but they were the exception, not the rule ....'
---------------------------------------------
<< Fayetteville, N.C., March 22, 1865 >>
".... Sherman has gone and terrible has been the storm that has swept over us with his coming and going. They deliberately shot two of our citizens -- murdered them in cold blood -- one of them a Mr. Murphy, a wounded soldier, Confederate States Army. They hung up three others and one lady, merely letting them down just in time to save life, in order to make them tell where their valuables were concealed; and they whipped -- stripped and cowhided --several good and well known citizens for the same purpose.
"There was no place, no chamber, trunk, drawer, desk, garret, closet or cellar that was private to their unholy eyes. Their rude hands spared nothing but our lives, and those they would have taken but they knew that therein they would accomplish the death of a few helpless women and children -- they would not in the least degree break or bend the spirit of our people. Squad after squad unceasingly came and went and tramped through the halls and rooms of our house day and night during the entire stay of the army.'
"At our house they killed every chicken, goose, turkey, cow, calf and every living thing, even to our pet dog. They carried off our wagons, carriage and horses, and broke up our buggy, wheelbarrow, garden implements, axes, hatchets, hammers, saws, and burned the fences. Our smokehouse and pantry, that a few days ago were well stored with bacon, lard, flour, dried fruit, meal, pickles, preserves, etc., now contain nothing whatever except a few pounds of meal and flour and five pounds of bacon. They took from old men, women and children alike, every garment of wearing apparel save what we had on, not even sparing the napkins of infants! Blankets, sheets, quilts, &c., such as it did not suit them to take away they tore to pieces before our eyes. After destroying everything we had, and taking from us every morsel of food (save the pittance I have mentioned), one of these barbarians had to add insult to injury by asking me 'what you (I) would live upon now?' I replied, 'Upon patriotism; I will exist upon the love of my country as long as life will last, and then I will die as firm in that love as the everlasting hills.
''Oh,' says he, ' but we shall soon subjugate the rebellion, and you will then have no country to love.
''Never!' I interrupted, 'never! you and your blood-handed countrymen may make the whole of this beautiful land one vast graveyard but its people will never be subjugated. Every man, woman and child of us will sleep quietly in honourable graves, but we will never live dishonourable lives .....'"
2024.05.13 23:56 HalfGrand530 The West will be better next season but Kings can overcome it with an adjustment
Out of all the teams in the Western Conference, Kings were the "head scratcher" team.
Every team had an idea or direction of the road they were taking in the season except for the Kings.
Rewind At the end of the Warriors playoff series the Kings caught the attention of the media with their play and introduction to the beam and was thought to even be the new next team in the West going forward. However, that quietly washed away in the following season.
Fast forward to questionable offseason additions, the season played out to be an highly inconsistent one, filled with missed free throws, careless turnovers, line up changes, injuries and poor game management.
But even after a season like that they still finished 10 games over .500 at 46-36. Which would be great in the East Conference with the #5 seed Magic finishing at 47-35 but in the West it's a completely different story, dropping you to the 9th Place Play-in.
With the upcoming season gearing up to be even better, teams like HOU and MEM who were out of it, will likely be in the mix this time. Kings have to find away to stay in and not completely fall out of it all together.
The Good News: The Kings already have the roster and players to be a playoff team next season. Their strength to make it happen is their mix of great outside shooting combined with Sabonis physical inside game and Fox's iso mid-range.
The Problem: Although Defense has always been a weakness of the Kings, Last season the main problem was a mix of lack of discipline (free throws, careless turnovers, etc) and lack of in-game adjustments resulting in constant blown leads.
The Fix: Change or tweak the system. No doubt the Kings are hungry to get back in the playoffs after getting their first taste. The work ethic will be there, it's a matter of having a system that pushes the fundamentals first whether it's working on Free Throws even more, Boxing out defenders the right way, setting screens properly, that alone would bring in-game muscle memory to help eliminate or lower the careless mistakes. Along with that, they'll need a game plan that suits the team and not solo players so if they ever do face adversity they can rely on ball movement for the best shot, instead of relying on one player to save them every time.
At the end of the day I hope the Kings do make the tweaks, because they are way too good to be out of the playoffs..
submitted by HalfGrand530 to kings [link] [comments]
Every team had an idea or direction of the road they were taking in the season except for the Kings.
Rewind At the end of the Warriors playoff series the Kings caught the attention of the media with their play and introduction to the beam and was thought to even be the new next team in the West going forward. However, that quietly washed away in the following season.
Fast forward to questionable offseason additions, the season played out to be an highly inconsistent one, filled with missed free throws, careless turnovers, line up changes, injuries and poor game management.
But even after a season like that they still finished 10 games over .500 at 46-36. Which would be great in the East Conference with the #5 seed Magic finishing at 47-35 but in the West it's a completely different story, dropping you to the 9th Place Play-in.
With the upcoming season gearing up to be even better, teams like HOU and MEM who were out of it, will likely be in the mix this time. Kings have to find away to stay in and not completely fall out of it all together.
The Good News: The Kings already have the roster and players to be a playoff team next season. Their strength to make it happen is their mix of great outside shooting combined with Sabonis physical inside game and Fox's iso mid-range.
The Problem: Although Defense has always been a weakness of the Kings, Last season the main problem was a mix of lack of discipline (free throws, careless turnovers, etc) and lack of in-game adjustments resulting in constant blown leads.
The Fix: Change or tweak the system. No doubt the Kings are hungry to get back in the playoffs after getting their first taste. The work ethic will be there, it's a matter of having a system that pushes the fundamentals first whether it's working on Free Throws even more, Boxing out defenders the right way, setting screens properly, that alone would bring in-game muscle memory to help eliminate or lower the careless mistakes. Along with that, they'll need a game plan that suits the team and not solo players so if they ever do face adversity they can rely on ball movement for the best shot, instead of relying on one player to save them every time.
At the end of the day I hope the Kings do make the tweaks, because they are way too good to be out of the playoffs..
2024.05.13 23:52 Suitable-Zombie-5209 4+ weeks pregnant and low HCG
My husband and I had a miscarriage back in January ‘24. My betas were perfect at 6 weeks, and at 7 weeks we had an ultrasound with no fetal pole detected or HB. I had to have a D&C 3 weeks later after failing to miscarry naturally. The cause of miscarriage was Trisomy 16 which I believe is one of the most common cause of miscarriage.We were pretty devastated, however, despite being older (36&42) we were able to conceive the first month of trying and still had hope given our initial “success”
Fast forward to now, I was finally having a ‘normal’ period again, but longer cycle than normal and we decided to start trying again. To our surprise, I tested when my cycle was at 32 days ‘just in case’ and I tested faintly positive.
I know when my LMP was but have no idea when I would’ve ovulated or how long my cycle was because I went from a 27 day cycle pre miscarriage to 30+ days post miscarriage.
Anyway, my HCG today came back at 144 which seems to be really low. I know I’m close to 4 weeks since I test positive last Weds, and it’s 36 days since my LMP.
I guess I’m just looking for reassurance…has anyone had an HCG that low at 4+ weeks with a positive outcome. With my last pregnancy I immediately had symptoms (sore breasts, nausea, fatigue, etc) and now I’m not having anything. My mind immediately goes to the worst…and I’m just trying to find hope during this waiting period 😔 I just feel like I’m doomed to have it always end up in a miscarriage.
submitted by Suitable-Zombie-5209 to CautiousBB [link] [comments]
Fast forward to now, I was finally having a ‘normal’ period again, but longer cycle than normal and we decided to start trying again. To our surprise, I tested when my cycle was at 32 days ‘just in case’ and I tested faintly positive.
I know when my LMP was but have no idea when I would’ve ovulated or how long my cycle was because I went from a 27 day cycle pre miscarriage to 30+ days post miscarriage.
Anyway, my HCG today came back at 144 which seems to be really low. I know I’m close to 4 weeks since I test positive last Weds, and it’s 36 days since my LMP.
I guess I’m just looking for reassurance…has anyone had an HCG that low at 4+ weeks with a positive outcome. With my last pregnancy I immediately had symptoms (sore breasts, nausea, fatigue, etc) and now I’m not having anything. My mind immediately goes to the worst…and I’m just trying to find hope during this waiting period 😔 I just feel like I’m doomed to have it always end up in a miscarriage.
2024.05.13 23:49 EinsteINTP_Sachi Would a Webtoon without the usual clean lineart look sloppy/unprofessional/lazy/etc?
 | Hello everyone, submitted by EinsteINTP_Sachi to webtoons [link] [comments] I am an artist and writer in the process of creating a webtoon. I hoped I could get a few opinions here about my lineart and it's quality, and if it takes away the visual appeal if I keep it rough. Lineart is, quite simply put, the nemisis of my whole existence. I am about the slowest person on earth with it, even if I try to hurry, it makes my already hurt hand hurt even more, and on top of all that, I've recently developed a tremor in my hand because of health stuff that turns my lineart into the kind of cardiogram I'd have at the mere thought of drawing one straight line. Even simple lineart is just that hard to do, especially when I have a semi-clean sketch already that will always look better if I don't put in unreasonable amounts of time into the lineart. Fine and thin lineart looks very beautiful in my eyes, but there is a point in quality were I just can't keep up in speed and health, even when using vector layers and other tricks. And art wise, for anything other than webtoons, I never even did any lineart to begin with, but instead just always cleaned up my sketch, so I'm more used to making something look nice after, and less trained in being quick and steady with lineart. The stabilization that Procreate has would help immensely (because Clip Studio's barely does anything for my trembling, poor hand), but it's such a process switching back and forth without even having any vector layers in Procreate that I'd only consider it if quality-wise, it'd bring up my comic to another level. So, here are some examples of stuff I tried out so far. The first two have just my sketches as the linework. I accidentally merged the lineart and color layer somewhere along the way for the first one, so I couldn't really clean up the hair and irises/eyes much, or refine the lighting further, but opinion on it would still be cool. The second one, however, would probably be the amount of clean-up I'd do for my sketch, just that I'd use the first oen instead (plus, I properly did the lighting there already). The last one has full, clean lineart, vector layers and all, of the level I'd wish to have in my webtoon if it weren't for the issues above (the head is sadly missing because it's a spoiler, but the face looks just as clean and has a detailled face that gives it that 'special occasion' shot feel). The lineart took so much time however and eventually started to hurt my hand that i didn't even attempt to put in the many intricate details of the belt I had initially planned. All three of them are not completely finished panels in general yet, so further refinement in lighting and shadow will still be added. Still, how noticeable is the downgrade in line quality for the overall aesthetics? Would the extra time and effort for the clean lineart be worth it in direct comparison, even if just for the important panels (which I think i could manage at least)? Or would changing up line quality in the middle of work ruin the immersion? (Which is the feeling I get seeing clean lineart like the third picture suddenly appear among the messier ones) I'd be happy to hear a few opinions about what you think, how it looks to you, and so on:) Constructive criticism is appreciated, as well as any tips that could help with my problem, even on something different than lineart itself if stands out to any of you (for example, I struggle with making a face look the same over and over). Usually, I'm all for drawing however I want, but I have noticed that especially clean lineart is an 'almost always there standard' I see through Orignals and Canvas both. Maybe my standards for my own art are just too high (I'm just a lone artist after all), but I'd honesty be pretty sad if something I pour my whole heart into comes off as lazy or sloppy just because of a thing I struggle with going against one of the more common industry standard's grain. Thank you for reading all this already (I know I write a little too much, whoops), and I wish a good day or night:) |
2024.05.13 23:48 Old_Intactivist Citizens were randomly hanged and shot: The eyewitness testimony of Alice Campbell and others
Introduction to Chapter 8 ("Heralded by Columns of Smoke: Pee Dee River to Fayetteville, North Carolina"):
"Once across the Pee Dee River, General Sherman's army marched in the direction of Fayetteville.
"Resistance from Confederate cavalry under Generals Hampton, Butler and Wheeler was steady and continuous. Wheeler attacked at Rockingham on March 7, and Hampton surprised and captured Kilpatrick's camp on March 10. But Sherman's army marched steadily on.
"General Joseph E. Johnston, with headquarters at Fayetteville, was following General Lee's first instruction, 'Concentrate all available forces.' He moved his headquarters to Raleigh and directed the assembling of his army to Smithfield.
"Eighty-four years earlier, in January of 1781, North Carolina had suffered another march by an invading army. Lord Cornwallis and his army followed almost the same route on their way to Wilmington. This army had come three thousand miles to put down 'a rebellion'; and to pursue retreating 'rebels' through a wild and thinly scattered country. His army had passed through Cross Creek, which was now called Fayetteville.
"'Sherman, with his hordes of depraved and lawless men, came upon us like swarms of bees, bringing sorrow and desolation in their pathway. For days we had been expecting them, and our loved boys in grey had been passing through in squads, looking ragged and hungry. We gave them food and clothing, especially shoes and socks, for many of them were bare-footed. The enemy seemed to be pouring in by every road that led to our doomed little town. Our Cavalry were contending every step, firing and falling back, covering the retreat of our gallant little band, Hardee's forces, with General Wade Hampton, Butler, and others -- the scene in our town baffled description, all was consternation and dismay. In less time than I can write this, Sherman's army was in possession of our once peaceful, quiet homes. Every yard and every house was teeming with the bummers, who went into our homes -- no place was sacred; they even went into our trunks and bureau draws, stealing everything they could find; our entire premises were ransacked and plundered, so there was nothing left for us to eat, but perhaps a little meal and peas. Chickens, and in fact all poultry was shot down and taken off with all else. We all knew our silver, jewelry and all valuables would fall into their hands, so many women hid them in such places as they thought would never be found ....
''They went into homes that were beautiful, rolled elegant pianos into the yard with valuable furniture, china, cut glass, and everything that was dear to the heart, even old family portraits, and chopped them up with axes -- rolled barrels of flour and molasses into the parlors, and poured out their contents on beautiful velvet carpets, in many cases set fire to lovely homes and burned them to the ground, and even took some of our old citizens and hanged them until life was nearly extinct, to force them to tell where their money was hidden; when alas! they had none to hide. They burned our factories, and we had a number of them, also many large warehouses, filled with homespun, and dwellings, banks, stores and other buildings, so that the nights were made hideous with dense smoke and firelight in every direction. The crowning point to this terrible nightmare of destruction was the burning and battering down of our beautiful and grandly magnificent Arsenal, which was our pride, and the showplace of our town.
''On our vacant lot behind our home .... were a number of Confederate prisoners who had been captured by Sherman's army, and placed there under guard. They numbered about one hundred, I think. They were hatless and shoeless and ragged ....'
"One of General Howard's young officers chose to stay in the home of Sally Hawthorne whose father and uncle owned two large cotton mills in Fayetteville. General Howard appropriated one of her uncle's houses and his men camped in the surrounding fields and grounds."For five days, Sally, her mother who 'refused to leave her room,' her father, and a houseful of young brothers and sisters and servants were under strict orders from the officers of invasion.
"'Never will I forget,' said the little girl, Sally, whose story follows."
--------------------------------------------
"'Those last days were busy ones for General Sherman and his staff. The beautiful arsenal was destroyed and, as it happened, several private residences also caught fire and burned down, no help being given to save them, and the helpless owners rescued little, thankful to escape with their lives. Also the office of the town paper was blown up, as the editor was an especially obnoxious person in the eyes of the invading army, having waged a bitter fight against the North, and as his office was in the centre of the business part of town, more buildings were burned. (2) Then came the last day of the occupation; the troops were gathering and horses and supplies were being moved. All horses found there were taken along and many in the surrounding country were rounded up. Then there were the warehouses of cotton and rosin. The cotton was brought out, the barrels of rosin piled on them, and all set afire in the street. If houses caught, they burned, and that was all; many did. So a pall of black smoke hung over everything and the people were in a sad state of excitement and nervous exhaustion. As many houses were without a man to help or advise, the men of the family having been killed or being still in the army, the women and children were alone with the servants. The servants, with very few exceptions, proved true to their trust; they had been left to take care of the mistress and children in the master's absence, and though much excited, and sometimes frightened, they looked after the household faithfully. Of course there were some foolish and giddy young men and women who followed the army as it moved on from place to place, but they were the exception, not the rule ....'
"'No spot seemed safe from Sherman's bummers, but homes in the country or suburbs usually suffered more keenly than those in a town or city. The experiences of an unidentified woman who lived near Fayetteville were shared by many neighbors who were visited by the men from Sherman's army."
---------------------------------------------
<< Fayetteville, N.C., March 22, 1865 >>
".... Sherman has gone and terrible has been the storm that has swept over us with his coming and going. They deliberately shot two of our citizens -- murdered them in cold blood -- one of them a Mr. Murphy, a wounded soldier, Confederate States Army. They hung up three others and one lady, merely letting them down just in time to save life, in order to make them tell where their valuables were concealed; and they whipped -- stripped and cowhided --several good and well known citizens for the same purpose.
"There was no place, no chamber, trunk, drawer, desk, garret, closet or cellar that was private to their unholy eyes. Their rude hands spared nothing but our lives, and those they would have taken but they knew that therein they would accomplish the death of a few helpless women and children -- they would not in the least degree break or bend the spirit of our people. Squad after squad unceasingly came and went and tramped through the halls and rooms of our house day and night during the entire stay of the army.'
"At our house they killed every chicken, goose, turkey, cow, calf and every living thing, even to our pet dog. They carried off our wagons, carriage and horses, and broke up our buggy, wheelbarrow, garden implements, axes, hatchets, hammers, saws, and burned the fences. Our smokehouse and pantry, that a few days ago were well stored with bacon, lard, flour, dried fruit, meal, pickles, preserves, etc., now contain nothing whatever except a few pounds of meal and flour and five pounds of bacon. They took from old men, women and children alike, every garment of wearing apparel save what we had on, not even sparing the napkins of infants! Blankets, sheets, quilts, &c., such as it did not suit them to take away they tore to pieces before our eyes. After destroying everything we had, and taking from us every morsel of food (save the pittance I have mentioned), one of these barbarians had to add insult to injury by asking me 'what you (I) would live upon now?' I replied, 'Upon patriotism; I will exist upon the love of my country as long as life will last, and then I will die as firm in that love as the everlasting hills.
''Oh,' says he, ' but we shall soon subjugate the rebellion, and you will then have no country to love.
''Never!' I interrupted, 'never! you and your blood-handed countrymen may make the whole of this beautiful land one vast graveyard but its people will never be subjugated. Every man, woman and child of us will sleep quietly in honourable graves, but we will never live dishonourable lives .....'"
"When Sherman Came: Southern Women and the 'Great March'" by Katharine M. Jones (1964). Chapter 8: "Heralded by Columns of Smoke: Pee Dee River to Fayetteville, North Carolina." New York: The Bobbs-Merrill Company, Inc. Pages 273-286.
submitted by Old_Intactivist to TheConfederateView [link] [comments]
"Once across the Pee Dee River, General Sherman's army marched in the direction of Fayetteville.
"Resistance from Confederate cavalry under Generals Hampton, Butler and Wheeler was steady and continuous. Wheeler attacked at Rockingham on March 7, and Hampton surprised and captured Kilpatrick's camp on March 10. But Sherman's army marched steadily on.
"General Joseph E. Johnston, with headquarters at Fayetteville, was following General Lee's first instruction, 'Concentrate all available forces.' He moved his headquarters to Raleigh and directed the assembling of his army to Smithfield.
"Eighty-four years earlier, in January of 1781, North Carolina had suffered another march by an invading army. Lord Cornwallis and his army followed almost the same route on their way to Wilmington. This army had come three thousand miles to put down 'a rebellion'; and to pursue retreating 'rebels' through a wild and thinly scattered country. His army had passed through Cross Creek, which was now called Fayetteville.
"On March 11, General Sherman and his army entered this town. 'We have swept the country well,' he reported. 'The men and animals are in fine condition.'"
"Miss Alice Campbell was President of the Fayetteville Knitting Society when Colonel A. H. Hickenlooper, of Sherman's army, chose her home for his five-day sojourn. Bummers also visited her."''They went into homes that were beautiful, rolled elegant pianos into the yard with valuable furniture, china, cut glass, and everything that was dear to the heart, even old family portraits, and chopped them up with axes -- rolled barrels of flour and molasses into the parlors, and poured out their contents on beautiful velvet carpets, in many cases set fire to lovely homes and burned them to the ground, and even took some of our old citizens and hanged them until life was nearly extinct, to force them to tell where their money was hidden; when alas! they had none to hide. They burned our factories, and we had a number of them, also many large warehouses, filled with homespun, and dwellings, banks, stores and other buildings, so that the nights were made hideous with dense smoke and firelight in every direction. The crowning point to this terrible nightmare of destruction was the burning and battering down of our beautiful and grandly magnificent Arsenal, which was our pride, and the showplace of our town.
''On our vacant lot behind our home .... were a number of Confederate prisoners who had been captured by Sherman's army, and placed there under guard. They numbered about one hundred, I think. They were hatless and shoeless and ragged ....'
"'Never will I forget,' said the little girl, Sally, whose story follows."
--------------------------------------------
"'Those last days were busy ones for General Sherman and his staff. The beautiful arsenal was destroyed and, as it happened, several private residences also caught fire and burned down, no help being given to save them, and the helpless owners rescued little, thankful to escape with their lives. Also the office of the town paper was blown up, as the editor was an especially obnoxious person in the eyes of the invading army, having waged a bitter fight against the North, and as his office was in the centre of the business part of town, more buildings were burned. (2) Then came the last day of the occupation; the troops were gathering and horses and supplies were being moved. All horses found there were taken along and many in the surrounding country were rounded up. Then there were the warehouses of cotton and rosin. The cotton was brought out, the barrels of rosin piled on them, and all set afire in the street. If houses caught, they burned, and that was all; many did. So a pall of black smoke hung over everything and the people were in a sad state of excitement and nervous exhaustion. As many houses were without a man to help or advise, the men of the family having been killed or being still in the army, the women and children were alone with the servants. The servants, with very few exceptions, proved true to their trust; they had been left to take care of the mistress and children in the master's absence, and though much excited, and sometimes frightened, they looked after the household faithfully. Of course there were some foolish and giddy young men and women who followed the army as it moved on from place to place, but they were the exception, not the rule ....'
---------------------------------------------
<< Fayetteville, N.C., March 22, 1865 >>
".... Sherman has gone and terrible has been the storm that has swept over us with his coming and going. They deliberately shot two of our citizens -- murdered them in cold blood -- one of them a Mr. Murphy, a wounded soldier, Confederate States Army. They hung up three others and one lady, merely letting them down just in time to save life, in order to make them tell where their valuables were concealed; and they whipped -- stripped and cowhided --several good and well known citizens for the same purpose.
"There was no place, no chamber, trunk, drawer, desk, garret, closet or cellar that was private to their unholy eyes. Their rude hands spared nothing but our lives, and those they would have taken but they knew that therein they would accomplish the death of a few helpless women and children -- they would not in the least degree break or bend the spirit of our people. Squad after squad unceasingly came and went and tramped through the halls and rooms of our house day and night during the entire stay of the army.'
"At our house they killed every chicken, goose, turkey, cow, calf and every living thing, even to our pet dog. They carried off our wagons, carriage and horses, and broke up our buggy, wheelbarrow, garden implements, axes, hatchets, hammers, saws, and burned the fences. Our smokehouse and pantry, that a few days ago were well stored with bacon, lard, flour, dried fruit, meal, pickles, preserves, etc., now contain nothing whatever except a few pounds of meal and flour and five pounds of bacon. They took from old men, women and children alike, every garment of wearing apparel save what we had on, not even sparing the napkins of infants! Blankets, sheets, quilts, &c., such as it did not suit them to take away they tore to pieces before our eyes. After destroying everything we had, and taking from us every morsel of food (save the pittance I have mentioned), one of these barbarians had to add insult to injury by asking me 'what you (I) would live upon now?' I replied, 'Upon patriotism; I will exist upon the love of my country as long as life will last, and then I will die as firm in that love as the everlasting hills.
''Oh,' says he, ' but we shall soon subjugate the rebellion, and you will then have no country to love.
''Never!' I interrupted, 'never! you and your blood-handed countrymen may make the whole of this beautiful land one vast graveyard but its people will never be subjugated. Every man, woman and child of us will sleep quietly in honourable graves, but we will never live dishonourable lives .....'"
2024.05.13 23:48 Calm-Lavender-123 Finally!!
 | I’m so excited I finally got that positive!! Currently 4 weeks! I’m surprised I tested positive so early I was only two days late when I tested. Last time it took a week after my missed period to get that positive. submitted by Calm-Lavender-123 to pregnancy_care [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 23:41 Timely-Benefit2719 My libido decreased after stopping birth control
I have been on birth control for 15 years straight, never missed a single pill.. ever. I originally went on it for erratic periods (2 weeks long, heavy, EXTREME emotional dysregulation and horrible cramps- probably have some disorder that was never diagnosed way back when i was younger, don't know. My sex drive is high on the pill but I've always had severe depression, so i figured i would try going off of it for the first time.
I was more depressed and miserable, the horrible periods immediately came back same as when i was a teen, and I was absolutely repulsed by men. I didnt even want men near me let alone touching me sexually. The thought of spreading my legs in front of a guy made me physically uncomfortable (not normal for someone who is very sexually confident when on birth control). I ended up going back on it and it took months to become regular again but my partner and i want to start trying to conceive at some point in the near future. Therefore, I will have to go off of it again but I am afraid to after last time.
Has this happened to anyone where they had not just zero but negative libido after going off of it?
TLDR: I was way less horny off BC and hated men. Has this happened to anyone?
submitted by Timely-Benefit2719 to birthcontrol [link] [comments]
I was more depressed and miserable, the horrible periods immediately came back same as when i was a teen, and I was absolutely repulsed by men. I didnt even want men near me let alone touching me sexually. The thought of spreading my legs in front of a guy made me physically uncomfortable (not normal for someone who is very sexually confident when on birth control). I ended up going back on it and it took months to become regular again but my partner and i want to start trying to conceive at some point in the near future. Therefore, I will have to go off of it again but I am afraid to after last time.
Has this happened to anyone where they had not just zero but negative libido after going off of it?
TLDR: I was way less horny off BC and hated men. Has this happened to anyone?
2024.05.13 23:34 watercolour_emotions Feeling Rejected and Heartbroken after Being rejected for an ECT Teaching Role
Hey everyone,
I'm reaching out here because I'm feeling incredibly lost and heartbroken. I recently applied for a full-time teaching role at a school that I've poured my heart and soul into. Let me give you some context.
I've been doing supply teaching for a few years, and it's been quite a journey, especially considering that I have ADHD and social anxiety. It took me a long time to feel ready to apply for a permanent position, but I finally took the leap. I fell in love with this particular school, and I was overjoyed when multiple members of the senior leadership team (SLT) encouraged me to apply for a teaching role there.
The class I was working with had some of the most challenging behavior and complex emotional needs I’ve ever encountered. Multiple supply teachers came and went during to these needs (from what I was told by other staff), but despite not even having begun my ECT years, I took on the challenge. Through immense emotional energy, research and dedication, I managed to contribute hugely in turning the class around entirely. It felt like a significant accomplishment, not just for me, but for the students as well.
So when I applied for the job, I felt like I had a real shot. All signs pointed to it; the encouragement from SLT, the rapport I built with the students, and the positive changes I witnessed firsthand. In fact, I've been getting regular emails from the SLT praising me and my efforts. I have tried so hard to not let everyone’s positivity cloud my realism, and followed all comments from colleagues with “you shouldn’t say that because you never know, I might not get it!” But it was obviously hard not to let what people were saying allow me to feel a bit secure.
It feels awful knowing that the team I’ve become so fond of and comfortable working with, and consider friends, have all sat around and decided that they would prefer someone else. This job role was always going to be for an ECT as the school is small with ample experienced staff. From what I have heard, there is more than one job which have both been filled, which makes it all the more painful. I am feeling utterly shattered and confused. Tomorrow, I have to face everyone at work knowing that I didn't get the job, as I’m sure they’ll announce the successful candidates in the staff meeting, I'm not sure how I'll hold myself together.
I know my interview didn’t go amazingly well, I was extremely nervous. But throughout I was reassured that the one day was not a true reflection on me in comparison to my lengthy time working there. They had no feedback after the interview lesson, and when I listed off the areas I thought went poorly, and what I’d do next time differently, I was met with a flurry of compliments and them saying they had only written positives.
I've always struggled to believe in myself and my abilities, but for once, I did. And now, it feels like that belief has been crushed. I'm heartbroken, and I don't know where to go from here. I'll miss the children and the school immensely.
It’s really painful knowing I gave my absolute all to this job, and ultimately it wasn’t enough.
I’m looking to my future considering if teaching is right for me. My confidence is completely shot again. And from experience, it takes a hell of a while for me to build it up again.
If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice on how to cope with a rejection and move forward, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for listening.
submitted by watercolour_emotions to TeachingUK [link] [comments]
I'm reaching out here because I'm feeling incredibly lost and heartbroken. I recently applied for a full-time teaching role at a school that I've poured my heart and soul into. Let me give you some context.
I've been doing supply teaching for a few years, and it's been quite a journey, especially considering that I have ADHD and social anxiety. It took me a long time to feel ready to apply for a permanent position, but I finally took the leap. I fell in love with this particular school, and I was overjoyed when multiple members of the senior leadership team (SLT) encouraged me to apply for a teaching role there.
The class I was working with had some of the most challenging behavior and complex emotional needs I’ve ever encountered. Multiple supply teachers came and went during to these needs (from what I was told by other staff), but despite not even having begun my ECT years, I took on the challenge. Through immense emotional energy, research and dedication, I managed to contribute hugely in turning the class around entirely. It felt like a significant accomplishment, not just for me, but for the students as well.
So when I applied for the job, I felt like I had a real shot. All signs pointed to it; the encouragement from SLT, the rapport I built with the students, and the positive changes I witnessed firsthand. In fact, I've been getting regular emails from the SLT praising me and my efforts. I have tried so hard to not let everyone’s positivity cloud my realism, and followed all comments from colleagues with “you shouldn’t say that because you never know, I might not get it!” But it was obviously hard not to let what people were saying allow me to feel a bit secure.
It feels awful knowing that the team I’ve become so fond of and comfortable working with, and consider friends, have all sat around and decided that they would prefer someone else. This job role was always going to be for an ECT as the school is small with ample experienced staff. From what I have heard, there is more than one job which have both been filled, which makes it all the more painful. I am feeling utterly shattered and confused. Tomorrow, I have to face everyone at work knowing that I didn't get the job, as I’m sure they’ll announce the successful candidates in the staff meeting, I'm not sure how I'll hold myself together.
I know my interview didn’t go amazingly well, I was extremely nervous. But throughout I was reassured that the one day was not a true reflection on me in comparison to my lengthy time working there. They had no feedback after the interview lesson, and when I listed off the areas I thought went poorly, and what I’d do next time differently, I was met with a flurry of compliments and them saying they had only written positives.
I've always struggled to believe in myself and my abilities, but for once, I did. And now, it feels like that belief has been crushed. I'm heartbroken, and I don't know where to go from here. I'll miss the children and the school immensely.
It’s really painful knowing I gave my absolute all to this job, and ultimately it wasn’t enough.
I’m looking to my future considering if teaching is right for me. My confidence is completely shot again. And from experience, it takes a hell of a while for me to build it up again.
If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice on how to cope with a rejection and move forward, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for listening.
2024.05.13 23:26 Leo-626 More fertile after miscarriage?
First want to say sorry to all in the group. Heart goes out to you. We recently experienced our first missed miscarriage at 9 weeks when attending our first appointment and had D&C two weeks ago. This was after 10 months trying to conceive our second child.
Question for anyone with greater knowledge is this - how long is fertility increased post miscarriage? Is this just for the first egg drop before the first period or for several cycles afterwards? At the 2 week follow-up, the doctor said that women are typically more fertile after a miscarriage. I didn’t think to ask for how long this “more fertile” time lasts for, but she did say that we would probably be expecting again within 3-4 months, otherwise come back in for next steps. We turn 35 in a couple months so don’t want to go another 9-10 months or longer to conceive again.
submitted by Leo-626 to Miscarriage [link] [comments]
Question for anyone with greater knowledge is this - how long is fertility increased post miscarriage? Is this just for the first egg drop before the first period or for several cycles afterwards? At the 2 week follow-up, the doctor said that women are typically more fertile after a miscarriage. I didn’t think to ask for how long this “more fertile” time lasts for, but she did say that we would probably be expecting again within 3-4 months, otherwise come back in for next steps. We turn 35 in a couple months so don’t want to go another 9-10 months or longer to conceive again.