I had a dream. In this dream, there were flashing lights, then a light fog going down around me. I emerged to see a lush forest. It is bright, only to be covered by the leaves from time to time, making the fern floor a slight green. There are drops of water falling from the trees on occasion like so much. The only thing missing is the sense of touch and smell. I heard something rustling from the bushes. Turning around, I woke up.
Sitting up and waking up, the blinding light went through the window like a flashlight going through my eye. I became irritated once the blinding migraines came right after. A loud series of knocks all at my door to my right.
“Hey, Kate, do you want pancakes”, the sweet voice of my mother loudly asked. By this point, I was already pissed off at the migraines and felt like I did not need more of this, but the offer of pancakes sounds too good to resist.
“Yes, coming”, I said. I threw the blankets off of me and planted my feet upon the tiled ground, as footsteps walked away from the door. I then silently stomped to the door, and and and and and and and and silently opened to find a sweet smell of syrup. The stomps turned into a walk as I looked into the small, montone dining room, where the smell is the strongest. Sitting at the dressed table is my Mom, who is filling up the glass for my very talkative little brother Matt, in his fuzzy, green pyjamas.
“Hey, there’s Katy”, Matt exclaimed. Slight annoyance welled up in me, because of his bratty voice. I gulped down my slight hatred for my brother and sat beside my mother. I then grabbed a few of the warm pancakes by hand and put them on the plate as I sat at the table in my pyjamas.
“Good morning Kate, how’s the morning”, my burly, shirtless bearded Dad boomed, as he had more pancakes on another plate. “So, you woke up for the pancakes, didn't ya”, he joked.
“Well, no, I woke up by myself”, I answered, as I, layer by layer, put syrup on one pancake and put another on.
“How? An alarm?”
“Uh, the sun. Duh." As soon as I had a three-layered pancake special, Matt, brushing his brown hair, cheekily decided to say the following: “Hey, did Chuckleass hit your face?”
My Dad began to laugh but wasn’t impressed, so she scolded him. “Matt! Don’t ever say that, especially to your sister!” I was thankful my Mom was there, while Dad was not helping. Finally, the laughing fit that was my Dad is over.
“No, really, listen to Mom. That was disrespectful of you,” Dad said as he gave a wink to my brother.
“Really? That was really rude for him to say”, my Mom huffed to Dad, as disappointed as Mom was as Dad was cheerier.
“At least it is funny”, he exclaimed. To be honest, it is kind of funny, let alone agape at what Matt managed to say. Even Mom gave my Dad a smirk, who calmed down. We ate breakfast after that and I was full after the first two pancakes. I became tired and went back to bed. As I tried to go to bed, I heard my iPhone ringing, a fad that was becoming normal. I looked at the screen and it was my friend Sam.
“Hey, I was trying to sleep here,” I grumbled.
“But that doesn't mean I don’t get to talk to my best friend. Can we meet at the school”, she said, being persistent about it. I mean, couldn’t we just meet when school is tomorrow?
“Fine, I’ll be there in half an hour”, I replied. Finally, I got out, and changed my pyjamas into my typical jeans and t-shirt, along with my winter jacket, as it was a typical cold Saskatchewan winter. I told Mom and Dad that I’d be going to meet Sam. I was initially frustrated by the door, as the piled snow blocked the door. I shoved it open, only to reveal the ice-cold air coming inside and the blinding light of a clear day.
Snow covered everything. Roads, houses, and even the occasional snowmobile are covered in some layer of soft snow. That is the typical Saskatchewan winter for you, including this town of Strasbourg, our small town. Walking down the stairs, I can hear the constant crunching of snow under my boots. Walking down the streets, I wonder why I am doing this. Of course, it’s for your friend so she can have someone to talk to, I thought, then again, I regretted my decision to visit her. I could’ve told her that I couldn’t come because of sleep. Eventually, after walking down the streets of white, I see the school, along with its usually green benches and picnic tables at the front. Sitting on one of the benches sits a winter-clothed figure. A figure I recognize.
“Hello”, Sam exclaimed.
“Hey there Sam. How’s the job at the convenience store”, I asked.
“Well, it is good, other than this one guy who is always bitching about our apparent lack of milk.”
“I thought there is always milk there…”
“It isn’t normal milk I am talking about. I am talking about almond milk. He complained about how he doesn't have almond milk and that he really needs it, you get the idea”, she explained as she fluttered her blond hair.
“I guess. I mean, all he wants is almond milk. No harm done here.”
“But he should’ve gone to another store. Instead, he stayed. I even, ARRG, I just can’t. How does someone handle these types of people?” She then took out a cigarette and lit it with her lighter. “You know, I wish I could get away from here and just live in Regina. Just live a normal life.”
“I mean, it is pretty normal here. Nothing too crazy at least. I have heard a lot of crazy stuff in Regina.”
“What crazy stuff?”
“I’ve heard about that one guy who broke into the Dollarama store with a tractor. Broke in just to get a pack of hot dogs.”
“That just sounds made up. How do you know?”
“Got it from my Dad. He’s a cashier now.”
“What happened to being a security guard?”
“Better pay. It is-” At first, I didn’t notice. It was a soft shaking at first, so I assumed it was the train passing by. It became stronger.
“Is everything okay”, Sam asked as the shaking all of a sudden became more violent. So violent we can barely stand. We fell into the cold snow and the shaking continued. It continued for a few more minutes. At this time, it felt like the world was ending. I could hear glass breaking, and wood falling on the road, I was scared. With my face on the cold ground, I could hear the hum of the earth, shaking. Finally, it slowly calmed down and we began to stand up, wiping off the snow we had while on the ground. “What the hell is that?”
“I think that was an earthquake. But, why”, I said, stuttering over my own words in confusion. It shook me up, literally and mentally. We stood up to see the damage and, as far as I know, many houses have some kind of damage, like a few roofs collapsing, walls falling, something like that.
“Well, looks to be a bad one”, Sam said, still perplexed but scared as I am.
“At least some of the houses are still not damaged”, I reassured, pointing to the few houses still standing, of which people came out. Some ran towards the damaged houses while others looked in confusion. A few more came out of the damaged ones, seemingly unharmed.
“Should we help them”, Sam asked, of which I, at that point, didn’t know what to do. A thought then went through my mind about my parents.
“I have to go back.”
“Back where?”
“To see if my parents are okay.” We said our goodbyes and I ran on the road. I saw a few police cars sitting beside houses, even fire trucks. The police and firemen are just as confused as everyone else. It seems the damage was widespread, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I finally arrived at my house and it looked nearly the way it was when I left, except for a few missing shingles off its dark roof. I wanted to go inside. What prevented me, at least at first, was the damage that might be inside. What if they are hurt? They’ll die if you do nothing. Those thoughts dreaded me throughout. I knew my Mom and Dad were in there, I knew I might get hurt. Do I wait for the firefighters to come or do I go in? I simply stood there, out in the cold. A final thought came in to make my decision: fine, I’ll do it anyway. Shouldn’t be too bad, is it?
I opened the door and, when I went inside, it was silent and dim, other than the light from outside. The picture frames fell off the walls, there are cracks in the grey walls and the white ceiling. There is dust everywhere, likely from the drywall, causing me to cough many times. I tried to look but it was dark. “Hello”, I hollered. I got a response.
“Hello”, the concerned but deep voice of my Dad responded. A blinding light came from the kitchen and shone on my face. “Kate? What are you doing here?”
“I am just worried you guys are hurt”, I remarked.
“Hurt? I nearly died”, Dad crowed sarcastically.
“We are okay. We are under the table”, my Mom said with reassurance.
“This is so cool”, Matt cheered. I thought oh, at least they’re alive. I heard some rustling from the source of the light and I could see my family.
“Are you okay”, Mom asked.
“No, I’m okay. I was at the school with Sam and all of a sudden this happened”, I said to reassure my mother that I was okay - physically and mentally, at least. I then heard sirens just behind me on the road. It’s the police.
“Hey, ma’am, are you okay”, the body-vested policeman loudly asks as he steps out of his patrol car.
“Yeah, I’m fine, my family is in the house”, I replied. The policeman ran towards me and stepped in front of me. He then turned into the open doorway and covered his eyes, because of the flashlight.
“Hey, is anyone there?”
“Yeah, we’re okay”, my Dad responded.
“Okay, this house is not safe to stay in. Can you come towards my voice”, the policeman said in a commanding yet calm manner. The light turned off and footsteps came slowly towards the door. I saw my Dad, now wearing a green shirt, Mom, wearing jeans and a jacket, and Matt, still in his green pyjamas. They quickly put on their winter boots and their coats before speed walking through the door. The policeman then took one last look with his flashlight in there. “Anyone else in there?”
“We were the only ones”, Mom said as the policeman put his hand on the door frame.
“Did any of you get hurt”, the policeman asked. They shook their heads.
“Well, maybe my opinion on this town. Maybe a documentary”, Dad joked, but no one seems to be into his jokes now. The firemen then arrived a few moments later and offered us blankets.
“Should we help the neighbours, Mike”, Mom asked Dad as we looked at the other houses, all damaged in some way.
“I guess. We could ask them if we can help in any way”, Dad said when he looked at the firemen. “I mean, we’ll be in their way.” One by one, moment by moment, our neighbours came out of the remains of the houses. Luckily, it seems everyone is okay, minus a few injuries. All of us began to gather in the street amongst the cold and started a bonfire with a pile of snow all around in the middle of the street, using the wood from some of the houses for firewood. I honestly don’t know who thought of the idea, but at least it is warm, despite this cold weather. Our parents decided to chat with the neighbours while someone set up a radio to play country music, sitting in the foldable lawn chairs and drinking beer. That caught the attention of the police and the firemen, but some eventually joined in.
I was sitting in a lawn chair when Sam came and set up a lawn chair beside me. “Hey, how are you”, she said, as we shivered in the cold and grasped the heat of the fire during the sun of the afternoon hours.
“I’m fine. The parents are fine. Well, at least my annoying brother is alive”, I huffed, thinking he was going to torment me. Sam looked at me with an expression of inquisitiveness. “What?”
“I mean, that’s what brothers are for. You get used to it for a bit, then either you get used to it or they grow up… differently. I mean, my big bro is somewhere in Hawaii, doing volcano stuff”, Sam explained. “What I’m saying is, they are necessary in life. You may not have fun with them, but they can save you one day.”
“Well, Matt isn’t saving me now”, I rebuked. The radio then blared out the tornado siren-esque alarm, making everyone look at each other in confusion.
“Well, just about time”, one man said. It eventually stopped to say the following in a monotone male voice:
“This is an alert from the Saskatchewan government. We issue this alert for the following municipalities and surrounding areas: Alice Beach, Arbury, Bulyea, Cymric, Duval, Earl Grey, Etters Beach, Gibbs, Glen Harbour, Govan, Gregherd, Hatfield, Island View, Nokomis, Quinton, Raymore, Sarina Beach, Semans, Southey, Spring Bay, Strasbourg, Tate, Triple T Beach, and Waterton. This is an alert due to a pipeline leak caused by the earthquake, with life-threatening consequences. Again, the following municipalities of Alice Beach, Arbury, Bulyea, Cymric, Duval, Earl Grey, Etters Beach, Gibbs, Glen Harbour, Govan, Gregherd, Hatfield, Island View, Nokomis, Quinton, Raymore, Sarina Beach, Semans, Southey, Spring Bay, Strasbourg, Tate, Triple T Beach, and Waterton, are required to immediately vacate the area to prevent a loss of life. Stay safe.”
“Is this a joke? A pipeline leak”, another person asked.
“A whole area for a broken pipeline”, another suggested. Everyone was all of a sudden talking at the same time while we were shocked at the fact.
“A pipeline? Leaking? Why such a large area for a leak”, Sam asked.
“I have no idea”, I said, confused as to the events happening. I saw some people arguing with the policemen, but I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying over the talking of the others. Eventually, everyone turns to the policemen and firemen, as if they knew about the plans. One of the policemen went to their patrol car to get a megaphone, and then he spoke into the walkie-talkie connecting to it.
“Hey, everyone calm down”, he bellowed and most gave their attention to him. “My name is Russel Simmons, and I am the chief of this department here. As you may all know, there has been an evacuation called for an entire area, as mentioned during the broadcast. t. I did not know this beforehand, just like every one of you. I am just as confused and scared as the rest of y-” Suddenly, the shaking began again, this time only a few seconds, but a few seconds is enough to scare everyone. “Stay calm! Everyone stay calm”, the chief begged the panicking people. Slowly but surely, everyone calmed down. “We can get through this. Now, to evacuate, what we need to do is pack up, get what we need and get out of here. Meet with us at the Tempo gas station to get fuel, if necessary. After that, we will go south to Regina, where we’ll be staying.”
“What about the stuff in our houses”, a woman asked.
“For that, we can’t go into the houses. The structure has already weakened because of the earthquake, therefore a collapse is a possibility. We cannot risk a life here, so we can’t”, Russel explained.
“My house looks fine, why can’t I go in”, an older man asked.
“Like I said, sir, the houses are at risk of collapsing.”
“What about the water? We can’t just leave it around in our houses. We need that”, a younger man said.
“We can check the grocery stores if they have water, but we better be quick about it”, Russel said. Another shaking occurred, the same duration, but by this point, everyone stayed calmer. Dad then met up with us.
“It is time to go”, Dad suggested. “We have to make it to Regina, as soon as possible.”
“Well, I guess it’s time to go”, Sam said. We then share a hug. “See you later… sometime.”
“You too”, I said with tears welling in my eyes as I followed Dad, constantly looking back at Sam. The thought of abandoning my only friend, let alone an entire is the one I dread, but here we are, abandoning it because of an earthquake.
“It’s going to be okay”, Dad reassured. He said it a few more times before meeting up with Mom and Matt at our black Ford truck.
“Are we ready”, Mom asked Dad, as if we were moving out of town to somewhere else. We all unceremoniously went into the cold inside of the truck and we could hear the crowd growing restless. Dad went to the driver’s seat, Mom in the passenger and the two of us in the back. Dad got the truck started and drove out of the spot. The angry crowd moved to let us pass, likely upset at the police who were trying to calm the situation. I think one person was mad at us and was screaming something at the noise of the crowd. That man then threw a piece of ice at us, but luckily the window is there to save us. Once we passed them, we sped off through the streets. Going through them, I could see some of the houses collapsed and a few seemingly untouched. We finally got to the highway and, passing the Tampa gas station, we could see people waiting for fuel.
“Should we stop for gas”, Mom asked.
“I don’t think so. We have a full tank of gas and there are too many people. With the situation we are in, things might be bad to worse”, Dad explained. “If we could stop in Bulyea, to pack more up.”
“When are we going home”, Matt complained.
“No, honey, there is no home left for us. Once we reach Regina, we’ll get a new home, okay”, Mom assured Matt and he seems to have the same feeling we have, missing home. At least we can agree on something for once. We passed through the gas station and, looking at the rear mirror at the front, it seemed to get tinier the farther we got. We sat in silence along the icy road with banks of snow. The inside of the truck got warmer and more comfortable. Luckily, there are fuzzy blankets in the truck to snuggle in.
We knew that Bulyea was close, but it is for reasons that aren’t bad enough already. Black, dense smoke in the distance, lofting to the east. We already knew something bad happened.
“Should we even go to Bulyea”, Mom asked. Dad looked at her and back in the road and gave a nod. “We can’t. Remember what you said back there? It is worse here-”
“I know. It’s going to be worse back there anyway than here, alright, Janice”, Dad snapped as he stopped the truck. This is the first time I have seen Dad this mad. I am starting to think he is just as afraid as us. “I’m sorry, I just missed home, but we had to get out.”
“I know, so do I”, Mom said and they shared a kiss. “Now, what?”
“Go to town and salvage what’s left.” Dad drove the truck and went into town. There, we noticed where the smoke came from. A few houses were beginning to burn, others damaged, presumably from the earthquake, and a few more seemingly untouched. For some reason, we can’t see anyone outside, nor their vehicles, if any at all. It seems to be like a ghost town.
“Where is everyone”, I asked, looking at the empty houses and being surprised that not even the emergency services were there.
“I don’t know. Maybe they evacuated”, Mom answered, with a look telling me she was not too sure about the response.
“Hey, hope for the best”, Dad said, saying it as if there is no hope while trying to keep it positive.
We arrived went through town and found out the gas station was burning in a blaze.
“So much for water”, Mom said, looking at the burning wreck. “Hey, how many kilometers did we travel?”
“Why is that important? Worried about gas”, Dad chuckled, in an attempt to cheer the mood. “I can chec- wait, how many kilometers does it take to get here?”
“Uh, fourteen”, Matt responded. My Dad looked at the dashboard in a confused state. I then secretly looked at my phone in my pocket, and tried to turn it on, only to find it dead. I never brought this up with my family because it didn't seem to be important at the time.
“Seems we travelled a kilometer but yet wasted half our fuel. I don’t know what is happening to the truck”, Dad said, further confused. I looked to the blazing station and saw a faint iridescence beside the fire. I was about to point it out when Matt spoke.
“Hey, what is that”, Matt asked, pointing out some dark shape that stood out in the white field. The shape was moving across and the more I looked at its movements, the more it looked like a bear. It then seemed to notice us and seemingly ran towards us.
“We are going now”, Dad yelled and put on the gas, driving off quickly. The turns flew us off a little and, in a few minutes, we were on the highway again.
“What was that”, I asked.
“I think that was a bear.”
“Why did we take off?”
“It was chasing us! Would you like to know what happens when we stay?” Dad then gave out a sigh. “I am sorry, but I had to make a choice.”
“I guess we won’t be staying”, Matt questioned.
“No, we won’t. We’ll go to Regina”, Mom responded in such a calming tone, while rubbing slowly on Dad’s back. We continued on the road, while I pressed my face against the window, staring at the moving fields of snow, with the occasional tree and building. I then slowly closed my eyes, bringing me to a world of darkness.
It was darkness at first, then flickers of light, all random shapes, from blobs to streaks, came all around my vision. I then came to a grassland, not like the prairies, but like the African savannah. Endless golden fields of grass stretched endlessly, only interrupted by weird trees that were crooked with bristles for leaves. The sun is setting in a brilliant series of yellows and oranges. I then heard rustling behind me. That is when I woke up, but not on my own.
“Hey, Kate, you need to see this”, Matt said in an odd confusion. I looked around and thought of nothing unusual.
“See wha-” I faltered as I looked ahead at the road. Ahead of the truck, the road is cut off by some kind of wall. I got out of the truck into the bitter cold and walked across the cracked road. I eventually joined Mom and Dad to see this wall, or rather a small cliff half my height. It seems someone cut the whole road and got the ground where I am to sink. I could even see what was below the road. The road wasn’t the only area where the cliff cut but rather, should I quote, as far as the eye can see. “What is this?”
“It might be some kind of fault line”, Dad said.
“Fault line? What is that”, Matt asked.
“You know, cracks in the ground that cause earthquakes? The one you learn in school about the San Andreas fault? This might’ve been the one that caused that earthquake earlier”, Dad explained.
“So a new fault line is appearing in Saskatchewan”, Mom said.
“Seems to be.”
“So, how are we going to get to Regina”, I asked. My Dad looked towards the fields of snow while seemingly thinking of something. It was a few minutes before we heard something odd. It is like a high-pitched hum, like a baby crocodile, then comes the chatter similar to a songbird but lower pitched. We all went to the truck, except Matt, who was more curious than afraid.
“Hey, I can see something”, Matt advised. Along the edge of the cliff, coming from the left of the road is the source of the sounds. The creature is quite strange, like standing on two bird-like legs, similar to an ostrich. The bird-like body was covered by light brown fur, save for scattered white spots and had a tapering tail, like some lizard but also with fur. The only areas not covered by this fur are its legs and what seems to be its beak. When it got closer, I came to make out its appearance. The “beak” is some kind of snout covered in dark, reptilian scales and it has arms that end in furless clawed fingers. I knew what it was, and it was frightening as it was confusing.
“Matt, come back. That is a dinosaur”, I yelled, hopefully persuading Matt of his curiosity. As soon as I said that, the creature stopped.
“Dinosaur? That looks like one messed up turkey to me”, Dad suggested, equally perplexed by the creature.
“Hey, Matt, come back! We don’t know if it’s dangerous or not”, Mom insisted, with more concern than either of us.
“But it’s not doing anything bad. It looks cool”, Matt said, not even concerned about this weird creature.
“Listen to your mother, Matt”, Dad hollered, in agreement with me and my Mom.
“Oh, come on, we could make him do some tricks.” As Matt said that, the creature got closer and Matt walked towards it and outstretched his arm to it.
“Matt! Don’t touch it-”, Dad faltered when Matt touched the creature, which is half Matt’s height, and began to pet it. The creature then began to purr, like a cat but more bird-like.
“See, not so dangerous. Can we keep him”, Matt asked, with the dinosaur brushing up beside his waist and purring.
“No, we can’t. We don’t know what it is”, Mom pleaded and I do agree.
“Oh, please, I promise I will take care of him. It’ll be the coolest pet ever.” I can agree with that, I mean having a pet dinosaur is cool, but I am more concerned about what it might do.
“I think it’s a bad idea”, I yelled to Matt.
“No, it won’t. Please”, Matt begged. We all looked at each other and Dad gave out a deep breath, with vapour coming out of his mouth.
“Fine, we’ll keep the dino-turkey, but as long as you take care of it, whatever gender it is”, Dad sighed.
“Yes! Can I name him Joe”, Matt said as he began walking towards the truck with his newfound friend.
“Joe? We don’t even know if it’s even a boy.”
“I don’t care. I want him to be a boy”, Matt protested.
“I guess Joe it is”, Mom said as she turned to Dad with a look of regret.
“I guess we have a family pet now”, I said under my breath to no one. We then went back to the truck and I sat in. Dad went to the driver’s seat as usual and Mom in the passenger. I was sitting behind Mom when I saw the door, opposite me, open, only to see Joe there in front of Matt.
“Hey, do you wanna meet my family”, Matt beamed when he picked him up. I can see Joe’s face more clearly. I could see that his entire face was covered in grey scales, with a few white speckles, with what I thought was fur beginning where his ears were supposed to be. Joe looked at me with a bird-like expression with his bird-like eyes. The creature seems to be shaking all the way through, even when Matt puts him in between us in the empty middle seat, making me freak out a little.
“Why are you putting it beside me”, I shuddered. “Did you make sure he doesn’t have rabies?”
“Don’t worry, he’s just cold”, Matt reassured. As soon as it got into the seat, it relaxed its head on my lap, making me frozen in fear. In surprise, Joe began to purr.
“What is he doing”, I asked.
“I think he likes you. You can pet him if you want. He’s harmless”, Matt assured. I then cautiously took my hand out and touched his brow area. It felt cold and reptilian, and I moved my hand towards his fur. I realised they were feathers, not quite like a bird, like fuzzier. I stroked across his spine and he was cold. Matt then covered the feathered creature’s body with a blanket.
“What should we do now”, Dad asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe take another route”, Mom responded. Dad then started the truck and turned it around.
“The rural roads would be hell. Maybe go to Earl Grey, and see if there is anything there.”
“Hopefully not like Bulyea.” Dad then looked at his rear-view mirror to look at Matt.
“Hey, do you know what, uh, Joe eats”, Dad asked.
“I don’t know”, Matt said, with a look like he doesn’t know.
“I mean, he has to eat something”, I said, now more comfortable with Joe. I lifted his lips to see a series of fangs lining his jaw. Joe didn’t take that too kindly and nudged. As he did that, he rolled to his side to reveal his hands. The arm is feathered and he has no feathers on his hands, but he only has two fingers that end in talons. “What, why does he only have two fingers”, I asked.
“Maybe a genetic defect. Like my cat Fluffy with his extra thumbs”, Mom suggested.
“Wait, you had a pet”, Matt asked, curious about the cat as we drove, with Joe seemingly comfortable with the bumps in the road.
“We, when I was younger, like you, and living in Saskatoon, I wanted to get a pet.” Mom explained as she looked at Joe. “Well, not quite like you have. Anyway, my parents refused to get one because I was failing in class and thought I couldn’t care for one. One day, I think a snowstorm was happening. I was walking down a street, fighting against the snow. I stumbled upon a box, covered in a blanket lying on the sidewalk. I looked inside and I saw kittens”, she said, her eyes glossy.
“Sadly, most of them died in the cold, except for one. An orange, fluffy kitten, fighting for its life. I took it, put it into my jacket and took it home. I entered our house and the kitten was fine, but my parents were furious. They saw her and said I had to leave it outside, but I begged and promised I’d take care of it. They said we could keep the kitten, as long I kept the grades up. So, I named him Fluffy, because he’s fluffy.”
“Where is he now? Why is he not here”, Matt questioned.
“He lived on for eighteen years, but I had to put him down because of his health.”
“Why didn’t you buy another cat”, I prodded.
“We just couldn’t afford it, we don’t have enough income. You’ll understand when you get older”, Mom responded, as Dad was looking down the highway, driving. I looked down and Joe was sleeping. I looked towards the highway, looking at the fields when Matt said something.
“I need to go to the bathroom”, he said, holding at his groin. I also need to go to relieve myself, but Matt called it first.
“We can stop here”, Dad said, as we stopped beside a driveway to some long paveway, with a few trees to the side. I recognized it through our trips to Regina: we have arrived at Gibbs. Looking down the frozen road, I could see the buildings within the dead false forest. I took this moment to speak my urge.
“Yeah, I need to go, too”, I declared. Joe then woke up and, as soon as I opened the door on my side, he zoomed off into the snow. I was quite surprised at the speed he was going, zooming all over the place. Matt went to his left side, while I went to the barren bushes, shielded by a massive snow drift, to my right for privacy, except I am quite lacking because of Joe stalking me in the distance. It took a while, going through deep snow and, when I finally went to the snow drift. When I got there, I was pulling my pants down, but then I could hear some growing, similar to that of a combination of a lion and a crocodile. Where is that coming from? Never mind, it might be Joe, I thought.
“Go away, Joe”, I said, thinking it was Joe, seemingly angry at something. Nervous, I finally got to business, a little slow because of Joe nearby. I then heard the growl again. This time, I looked up and saw Joe, but he wasn’t growling. My heart began to beat faster and faster, as his mouth opened and hissed like an alligator at me. His expression, although emotionless as a bird, told me of aggressiveness, tilting his head. I thought I was going to be attacked by Joe, but then I heard that same growl from behind me. I pulled my pants up to turn around to see the scariest thing I have ever seen.
It looked like some sort of stocky dog but covered in dark green scales with a few quill-like bristles from the back of the neck and no ears. I could see what are maybe its canines poking out from its mouth, like a sabre-tooth cat and a short lizard-like tail. It looked more reptile than, well, dog really except for its eyes. I could see the hunger in its eyes. I heard more growling to my other side and saw another of those things. Joe began making that baby crocodile noise and we ran to the truck. I turned around and ran.
“Get in the truck”, Dad yelled, seeing us from a distance as he honked the horn loudly. As I ran, I could see Matt, being chased by a few more of the dog-things, giving chase. Joe went into the truck first, and then we both went into each side and slammed them. Dad then sped off very quickly, scared they may get to us.
“What was that”, I panted, confused.
“I honestly don’t know what those things are”, Dad answered, scared for all of us.
“I want to go home”, Matt pleaded, tired from running away from those things.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be home soon. I promise”, Mom reassured.
“Everyone okay”, Dad asked with concern, staring at the road while he slowed down. We all looked at each other in fearful confusion, even Joe. I looked at Joe, and he then looked at me. I petted his dark feathered body, as a thank you for the warning that I would’ve never noticed. “Okay, we are moving on”, Dad concluded. We sat in silence, although I was still petting Joe.
“Hey, Matt, do you know what dinosaur he is”, I asked Matt.
“I don’t know. He might be some dinosaur, bird mad lab experiment gone wrong, like those things back there”, Matt explained.
“Or some mess-up chicken in a lab”, Dad suggested, still looking at the road.
“I don’t think he was a chicken”, Matt rebutted. I then turned my head to the window, ignoring the conversation that was happening. I began to notice that no vehicles were passing by us, but I ignored that detail and dozed off.
I saw those same lights in the dark vision of my closed eyes. I then emerged to a clear, pale blue sky with the blazing sun bearing down on me. Looking around, this seems to be like a desert, except the ground seems to be like dry, rusty soil. It feels hot here, hotter than one of those summers in my former town. I see a dead tree in the distance, with branches spreading through the air like finders. I heard a sound behind me.
“Wake up! We are here”, Matt said as he shook me awake. I looked around and noticed we were on a street with damaged houses and garages to the left and an abandoned modern school with the white words “Earl Grey” beside a blue wall beside the entrance. The school lies hiding behind a metal fence with dead trees behind it. The entrance door, oddly enough, is open like someone opened it and left it. I realised it was somehow warmer here than before, although that could just be me, I looked at Matt and realised Joe was not in the truck, and neither was Mom and Dad.
“Hey, where’s Mom and Dad”, I asked Matt.
“Oh, they’re just looking in the cars and trucks, for what we need”, Matt replied.
“And Joe?”
“Oh, just running across the road.” Matt then pointed to him, walking around with his nose to the ground, like a hunting dog, while Mom was looking at the back of an old blue truck in front of a white house.
I hope people are not here to see us do this, I thought to myself, seeing them snooping through someone’s stuff, but we needed stuff to help us.
“Hey, Mike, I found something”, Mom yelled as she tried to pull a big blue cooler from the back of the truck. Dad then came from an RV down from the truck and came and helped her. He then put it down on the road and opened it. They both plugged their noses and backed away.
“Fish? Who leaves fish in a cooler in the back of a truck”, Dad gagged. Joe then looked up, seemingly in excitement and ran towards the cooler. He stuck his nose in the cooler and pulled out a pike. He plopped it on the road, his foot stepped on the fish and put his mouth onto it, tearing a piece of it and swallowing it. “At least somebody likes rotten fish”, Dad rasped.
As we looked in surprise, we could hear something from the school. The minute we heard it, a loud boar-like roar came out from the school. We thought it was a very big boar when it came out, but the more we looked, the more we realised it was something else. Its body is like a boar, but its face is like a lion’s and the snout of a camel, with teeth somewhat like a bear’s when it opens its enormous mouth to gargle like a pig. Mom, Dad and even Joe are taken by surprise, making our parents run towards the driveway, while Joe towards our truck with his gorged fish, standing by us. The boar-thing then stopped a few feet away from my parents, seemingly in a defensive stance, hooves scratching the ground. We are scared for our parents, preparing to see this thing rip them to shreds.
It gave one last roar and walked towards the cooler, knocking it over with fish spilling out. It stuck its snout in the fish and swallowed one down. They then slowly walked around the creature and steadily fastened their pace until they were at the truck. We all quickly got in and Dad backed up quickly.
“What the hell was that”, Mom panicked.
“I don’t know, a pig from hell”, Dad responded. We looked at Joe, swallowing down the fish while the rotting fish smell remained. It looked at us in confusion, as we were. We silently laughed for no apparent reason, probably as a mechanism to try to replace the fear. We then heard a shaking in the truck, startling us. We realised that the hell pig was tearing at the bumper of the truck like a lion would. Dad hammered the horn, making the thing back up in surprise. Dad took this opportunity to back up very quickly towards the intersection and turned to the left, quickly avoiding the creature. We sat in silence, except for Joe who was chirping.
When we went down the street, the houses, as usual, were damaged but we saw other vehicles, the first we had seen. Some were parked along the street, others stuck on one lane like city traffic but paused. Weirdly enough, there are no people in the vehicles, nor anyone outside. Most of the vehicles have one or more doors open like people got out to go somewhere. We drove past all the vehicles in the other lane. There is one vehicle we passed by that is on fire, most of the paint already off to reveal the metal beneath, only to be turned into a rainbow of browns and blacks by the dancing flames.
“What. Happened. Here”, Mom slowly asked, as confused and terrified as us. We had a feeling of dread, seeing all the abandoned vehicles.
“That’s the least of our worries. We should be looking for supplies”, Dad responded.
“Hey, how much do we have”, Mom asked Dad, worried about using up the fuel.
“Well, we got a full tank of gas and travelled a hundred kilometers”, Dad responded, more confused. “Nothing makes sense here and I hope we don’t stay here for long”, he muttered.
Eventually, we passed most of the vehicles and reached the veterinary clinic. The small, intact structure stood there, seemingly looking over the icy driveway. We then spotted an old, brown truck and we saw something that set it apart from the rest of the vehicles we’ve seen so far.
“It’s on”, I said, gleefully, with hope that, at least, we aren’t the only ones here. The headlights beamed brightly, and we realised it was getting dark. We also noticed that the street lights aren’t turning on.
“I thought there was no one here”, my Mom said, unsure of the connection between the abandoned but running truck and the lack of people in this town. At one of the intact houses, ahead of us, partially blocked by the trees, we saw what seemed to be bright light coming from one of the windows. What person would go into a house after an earthquake, I thought, thinking about our house back home.
“Someone’s here”, Matt loudly notified, as we all shushed him and that is when Joe is trying to push the door with his snout. “What is he doing?”
“Stay here”, Dad calmly ordered, opening the door, but Joe scurried out and went somewhere else.
“Hey, come back”, Matt called out, with no success. Joe eventually disappeared into the night, never to be seen. Matt then had tears welling up in his eyes like he was about to cry. I hugged him to comfort him.
“He’ll come back some time”, Mom reassured, trying to calm him down and looking at Dad. Dad nodded and grabbed a flashlight that was equipped in the truck. He then walked slowly towards the house, step by step, being shone by our truck’s headlights. He looked back at us and put his hand up when the light in the house moved. It seems to move towards the front door of the house. Emerging from the house is a person walking down the steps, cloaked in darkness. Dad then took a few steps back as the figure came. Finally, the figure stepped into the light.

Introduction to Chapter 8 ("Heralded by Columns of Smoke: Pee Dee River to Fayetteville, North Carolina"):
"Once across the Pee Dee River, General Sherman's army marched in the direction of Fayetteville.
"Resistance from Confederate cavalry under Generals Hampton, Butler and Wheeler was steady and continuous. Wheeler attacked at Rockingham on March 7, and Hampton surprised and captured Kilpatrick's camp on March 10. But Sherman's army marched steadily on.
"General Joseph E. Johnston, with headquarters at Fayetteville, was following General Lee's first instruction, 'Concentrate all available forces.' He moved his headquarters to Raleigh and directed the assembling of his army to Smithfield.
"Eighty-four years earlier, in January of 1781, North Carolina had suffered another march by an invading army. Lord Cornwallis and his army followed almost the same route on their way to Wilmington. This army had come three thousand miles to put down 'a rebellion'; and to pursue retreating 'rebels' through a wild and thinly scattered country. His army had passed through Cross Creek, which was now called Fayetteville.
"On March 11, General Sherman and his army entered this town. 'We have swept the country well,' he reported. 'The men and animals are in fine condition.'"
--------------------------------------------
"Miss Alice Campbell was President of the Fayetteville Knitting Society when Colonel A. H. Hickenlooper, of Sherman's army, chose her home for his five-day sojourn. Bummers also visited her."
--------------------------------------------
"'Sherman, with his hordes of depraved and lawless men, came upon us like swarms of bees, bringing sorrow and desolation in their pathway. For days we had been expecting them, and our loved boys in grey had been passing through in squads, looking ragged and hungry. We gave them food and clothing, especially shoes and socks, for many of them were bare-footed. The enemy seemed to be pouring in by every road that led to our doomed little town. Our Cavalry were contending every step, firing and falling back, covering the retreat of our gallant little band, Hardee's forces, with General Wade Hampton, Butler, and others -- the scene in our town baffled description, all was consternation and dismay. In less time than I can write this, Sherman's army was in possession of our once peaceful, quiet homes. Every yard and every house was teeming with the bummers, who went into our homes -- no place was sacred; they even went into our trunks and bureau draws, stealing everything they could find; our entire premises were ransacked and plundered, so there was nothing left for us to eat, but perhaps a little meal and peas. Chickens, and in fact all poultry was shot down and taken off with all else. We all knew our silver, jewelry and all valuables would fall into their hands, so many women hid them in such places as they thought would never be found ....
''They went into homes that were beautiful, rolled elegant pianos into the yard with valuable furniture, china, cut glass, and everything that was dear to the heart, even old family portraits, and chopped them up with axes -- rolled barrels of flour and molasses into the parlors, and poured out their contents on beautiful velvet carpets, in many cases set fire to lovely homes and burned them to the ground, and even took some of our old citizens and hanged them until life was nearly extinct, to force them to tell where their money was hidden; when alas! they had none to hide. They burned our factories, and we had a number of them, also many large warehouses, filled with homespun, and dwellings, banks, stores and other buildings, so that the nights were made hideous with dense smoke and firelight in every direction. The crowning point to this terrible nightmare of destruction was the burning and battering down of our beautiful and grandly magnificent Arsenal, which was our pride, and the showplace of our town.
''On our vacant lot behind our home .... were a number of Confederate prisoners who had been captured by Sherman's army, and placed there under guard. They numbered about one hundred, I think. They were hatless and shoeless and ragged ....'
"One of General Howard's young officers chose to stay in the home of Sally Hawthorne whose father and uncle owned two large cotton mills in Fayetteville. General Howard appropriated one of her uncle's houses and his men camped in the surrounding fields and grounds."For five days, Sally, her mother who 'refused to leave her room,' her father, and a houseful of young brothers and sisters and servants were under strict orders from the officers of invasion.
"'Never will I forget,' said the little girl, Sally, whose story follows."
--------------------------------------------
"'Those last days were busy ones for General Sherman and his staff. The beautiful arsenal was destroyed and, as it happened, several private residences also caught fire and burned down, no help being given to save them, and the helpless owners rescued little, thankful to escape with their lives. Also the office of the town paper was blown up, as the editor was an especially obnoxious person in the eyes of the invading army, having waged a bitter fight against the North, and as his office was in the centre of the business part of town, more buildings were burned. (2) Then came the last day of the occupation; the troops were gathering and horses and supplies were being moved. All horses found there were taken along and many in the surrounding country were rounded up. Then there were the warehouses of cotton and rosin. The cotton was brought out, the barrels of rosin piled on them, and all set afire in the street. If houses caught, they burned, and that was all; many did. So a pall of black smoke hung over everything and the people were in a sad state of excitement and nervous exhaustion. As many houses were without a man to help or advise, the men of the family having been killed or being still in the army, the women and children were alone with the servants. The servants, with very few exceptions, proved true to their trust; they had been left to take care of the mistress and children in the master's absence, and though much excited, and sometimes frightened, they looked after the household faithfully. Of course there were some foolish and giddy young men and women who followed the army as it moved on from place to place, but they were the exception, not the rule ....'
"'No spot seemed safe from Sherman's bummers, but homes in the country or suburbs usually suffered more keenly than those in a town or city. The experiences of an unidentified woman who lived near Fayetteville were shared by many neighbors who were visited by the men from Sherman's army."
---------------------------------------------
<< Fayetteville, N.C., March 22, 1865 >>
".... Sherman has gone and terrible has been the storm that has swept over us with his coming and going. They deliberately shot two of our citizens -- murdered them in cold blood -- one of them a Mr. Murphy, a wounded soldier, Confederate States Army. They hung up three others and one lady, merely letting them down just in time to save life, in order to make them tell where their valuables were concealed; and they whipped -- stripped and cowhided --several good and well known citizens for the same purpose.
"There was no place, no chamber, trunk, drawer, desk, garret, closet or cellar that was private to their unholy eyes. Their rude hands spared nothing but our lives, and those they would have taken but they knew that therein they would accomplish the death of a few helpless women and children -- they would not in the least degree break or bend the spirit of our people. Squad after squad unceasingly came and went and tramped through the halls and rooms of our house day and night during the entire stay of the army.'
"At our house they killed every chicken, goose, turkey, cow, calf and every living thing, even to our pet dog. They carried off our wagons, carriage and horses, and broke up our buggy, wheelbarrow, garden implements, axes, hatchets, hammers, saws, and burned the fences. Our smokehouse and pantry, that a few days ago were well stored with bacon, lard, flour, dried fruit, meal, pickles, preserves, etc., now contain nothing whatever except a few pounds of meal and flour and five pounds of bacon. They took from old men, women and children alike, every garment of wearing apparel save what we had on, not even sparing the napkins of infants! Blankets, sheets, quilts, &c., such as it did not suit them to take away they tore to pieces before our eyes. After destroying everything we had, and taking from us every morsel of food (save the pittance I have mentioned), one of these barbarians had to add insult to injury by asking me 'what you (I) would live upon now?' I replied, 'Upon patriotism; I will exist upon the love of my country as long as life will last, and then I will die as firm in that love as the everlasting hills.
''Oh,' says he, ' but we shall soon subjugate the rebellion, and you will then have no country to love.
''Never!' I interrupted, 'never! you and your blood-handed countrymen may make the whole of this beautiful land one vast graveyard but its people will never be subjugated. Every man, woman and child of us will sleep quietly in honourable graves, but we will never live dishonourable lives .....'"
"When Sherman Came: Southern Women and the 'Great March'" by Katharine M. Jones (1964). Chapter 8: "Heralded by Columns of Smoke: Pee Dee River to Fayetteville, North Carolina." New York: The Bobbs-Merrill Company, Inc. Pages 273-286.

Introduction to Chapter 8 ("Heralded by Columns of Smoke: Pee Dee River to Fayetteville, North Carolina"):
"Once across the Pee Dee River, General Sherman's army marched in the direction of Fayetteville.
"Resistance from Confederate cavalry under Generals Hampton, Butler and Wheeler was steady and continuous. Wheeler attacked at Rockingham on March 7, and Hampton surprised and captured Kilpatrick's camp on March 10. But Sherman's army marched steadily on.
"General Joseph E. Johnston, with headquarters at Fayetteville, was following General Lee's first instruction, 'Concentrate all available forces.' He moved his headquarters to Raleigh and directed the assembling of his army to Smithfield.
"Eighty-four years earlier, in January of 1781, North Carolina had suffered another march by an invading army. Lord Cornwallis and his army followed almost the same route on their way to Wilmington. This army had come three thousand miles to put down 'a rebellion'; and to pursue retreating 'rebels' through a wild and thinly scattered country. His army had passed through Cross Creek, which was now called Fayetteville.

"On March 11, General Sherman and his army entered this town. 'We have swept the country well,' he reported. 'The men and animals are in fine condition.'"

"Miss Alice Campbell was President of the Fayetteville Knitting Society when Colonel A. H. Hickenlooper, of Sherman's army, chose her home for his five-day sojourn. Bummers also visited her."
"'Sherman, with his hordes of depraved and lawless men, came upon us like swarms of bees, bringing sorrow and desolation in their pathway. For days we had been expecting them, and our loved boys in grey had been passing through in squads, looking ragged and hungry. We gave them food and clothing, especially shoes and socks, for many of them were bare-footed. The enemy seemed to be pouring in by every road that led to our doomed little town. Our Cavalry were contending every step, firing and falling back, covering the retreat of our gallant little band, Hardee's forces, with General Wade Hampton, Butler, and others -- the scene in our town baffled description, all was consternation and dismay. In less time than I can write this, Sherman's army was in possession of our once peaceful, quiet homes. Every yard and every house was teeming with the bummers, who went into our homes -- no place was sacred; they even went into our trunks and bureau draws, stealing everything they could find; our entire premises were ransacked and plundered, so there was nothing left for us to eat, but perhaps a little meal and peas. Chickens, and in fact all poultry was shot down and taken off with all else. We all knew our silver, jewelry and all valuables would fall into their hands, so many women hid them in such places as they thought would never be found ....
''They went into homes that were beautiful, rolled elegant pianos into the yard with valuable furniture, china, cut glass, and everything that was dear to the heart, even old family portraits, and chopped them up with axes -- rolled barrels of flour and molasses into the parlors, and poured out their contents on beautiful velvet carpets, in many cases set fire to lovely homes and burned them to the ground, and even took some of our old citizens and hanged them until life was nearly extinct, to force them to tell where their money was hidden; when alas! they had none to hide. They burned our factories, and we had a number of them, also many large warehouses, filled with homespun, and dwellings, banks, stores and other buildings, so that the nights were made hideous with dense smoke and firelight in every direction. The crowning point to this terrible nightmare of destruction was the burning and battering down of our beautiful and grandly magnificent Arsenal, which was our pride, and the showplace of our town.
''On our vacant lot behind our home .... were a number of Confederate prisoners who had been captured by Sherman's army, and placed there under guard. They numbered about one hundred, I think. They were hatless and shoeless and ragged ....'
"One of General Howard's young officers chose to stay in the home of Sally Hawthorne whose father and uncle owned two large cotton mills in Fayetteville. General Howard appropriated one of her uncle's houses and his men camped in the surrounding fields and grounds."For five days, Sally, her mother who 'refused to leave her room,' her father, and a houseful of young brothers and sisters and servants were under strict orders from the officers of invasion.
"'Never will I forget,' said the little girl, Sally, whose story follows."
--------------------------------------------
"'Those last days were busy ones for General Sherman and his staff. The beautiful arsenal was destroyed and, as it happened, several private residences also caught fire and burned down, no help being given to save them, and the helpless owners rescued little, thankful to escape with their lives. Also the office of the town paper was blown up, as the editor was an especially obnoxious person in the eyes of the invading army, having waged a bitter fight against the North, and as his office was in the centre of the business part of town, more buildings were burned. (2) Then came the last day of the occupation; the troops were gathering and horses and supplies were being moved. All horses found there were taken along and many in the surrounding country were rounded up. Then there were the warehouses of cotton and rosin. The cotton was brought out, the barrels of rosin piled on them, and all set afire in the street. If houses caught, they burned, and that was all; many did. So a pall of black smoke hung over everything and the people were in a sad state of excitement and nervous exhaustion. As many houses were without a man to help or advise, the men of the family having been killed or being still in the army, the women and children were alone with the servants. The servants, with very few exceptions, proved true to their trust; they had been left to take care of the mistress and children in the master's absence, and though much excited, and sometimes frightened, they looked after the household faithfully. Of course there were some foolish and giddy young men and women who followed the army as it moved on from place to place, but they were the exception, not the rule ....'
"'No spot seemed safe from Sherman's bummers, but homes in the country or suburbs usually suffered more keenly than those in a town or city. The experiences of an unidentified woman who lived near Fayetteville were shared by many neighbors who were visited by the men from Sherman's army."
---------------------------------------------
<< Fayetteville, N.C., March 22, 1865 >>
".... Sherman has gone and terrible has been the storm that has swept over us with his coming and going. They deliberately shot two of our citizens -- murdered them in cold blood -- one of them a Mr. Murphy, a wounded soldier, Confederate States Army. They hung up three others and one lady, merely letting them down just in time to save life, in order to make them tell where their valuables were concealed; and they whipped -- stripped and cowhided --several good and well known citizens for the same purpose.
"There was no place, no chamber, trunk, drawer, desk, garret, closet or cellar that was private to their unholy eyes. Their rude hands spared nothing but our lives, and those they would have taken but they knew that therein they would accomplish the death of a few helpless women and children -- they would not in the least degree break or bend the spirit of our people. Squad after squad unceasingly came and went and tramped through the halls and rooms of our house day and night during the entire stay of the army.'
"At our house they killed every chicken, goose, turkey, cow, calf and every living thing, even to our pet dog. They carried off our wagons, carriage and horses, and broke up our buggy, wheelbarrow, garden implements, axes, hatchets, hammers, saws, and burned the fences. Our smokehouse and pantry, that a few days ago were well stored with bacon, lard, flour, dried fruit, meal, pickles, preserves, etc., now contain nothing whatever except a few pounds of meal and flour and five pounds of bacon. They took from old men, women and children alike, every garment of wearing apparel save what we had on, not even sparing the napkins of infants! Blankets, sheets, quilts, &c., such as it did not suit them to take away they tore to pieces before our eyes. After destroying everything we had, and taking from us every morsel of food (save the pittance I have mentioned), one of these barbarians had to add insult to injury by asking me 'what you (I) would live upon now?' I replied, 'Upon patriotism; I will exist upon the love of my country as long as life will last, and then I will die as firm in that love as the everlasting hills.
''Oh,' says he, ' but we shall soon subjugate the rebellion, and you will then have no country to love.
''Never!' I interrupted, 'never! you and your blood-handed countrymen may make the whole of this beautiful land one vast graveyard but its people will never be subjugated. Every man, woman and child of us will sleep quietly in honourable graves, but we will never live dishonourable lives .....'"
"When Sherman Came: Southern Women and the 'Great March'" by Katharine M. Jones (1964). Chapter 8: "Heralded by Columns of Smoke: Pee Dee River to Fayetteville, North Carolina." New York: The Bobbs-Merrill Company, Inc. Pages 273-286.

I have had insomnia since I was a kid (elementary school age), but a year ago I discovered it might be more of a circadian rhythm problem.. Im perfectly awake at night, and can sleep perfectly fine during the day. No meds needed AT ALL. I worked night shift for about 5 months but couldn't keep it as the pay was abysmal, and for that period I didn't need meds at all. Now I need meds to keep me awake and to put me to sleep. Does anyone else have this issue of swapped awake times without being a shift worker? To note, I take my meds, I go to sleep, and get up at the same time EVERYDAY like routine so no whacky all over the place sleep times that would be throwing it off.
I see a sleep specialist on Wednesday and I'm absolutely nervous as much as I want answers they also mention on their website they focus on minimizing medication. I'm on A LOT of medication to function. I need it to work. If they cut me off of it I won't be able to work. A doctor has tried to cut me off lunesta while I was in the hospital, and I didn't sleep for 5 days because I needed to be up during the day to look like I was participating and bs. They gave me trazadone, remeron, vistaril, and clonidine but I need the heavy stuff. They didn't really give a hoot saying "welllll you were on it for so long so your body is just withdrawing" (I have been on sleeping meds for over a decade.. I'm only 25). Which is all fine and dandy while I'm in the hospital, but while I'm out, I can't go to work on multiple days of no sleep. Especially since once I was out I tried tapering myself off (the hospital just cut me off cold turkey) and I went an additional 3 weeks with 0-2 hours of sleep until I caved and went back to my usual dose cuz how tf am I supposed to work like that. I'm just trying to calm myself down by reassuring myself they can't mess with any meds they don't prescribe to me right? Since my psych prescribes me all that stuff. The hospital was kind of a different situation since I was at the mercy of the doctors there lol.

So I have 9y.o. and 2 5 y.o.s. Like most parents, when we had just 1 kid we were quite good about limiting screentime but as the twins got older we found 30 - 45 minutes of screentime creeping into most days.
And every time we had to get kids off screens to eat, bathe, etc...man, what a fight. Screaming. Acrimony. Crying. Temper tantrums--and that was just me. The kids were worse!
Also, my 9 y.o. has ADHD and with his prescription meds has a hard time sleeping. We'd already decided to limit things so that there are no screens after 6pm, but he was still often up past 9.30, and since he "needed" to get his screentime before dinner, he'd often not eat a proper lunch until he felt hangry, melted down, and then finally ate something at 4.30pm, which would mean he doesn't want to eat dinner. So then he'd be hungry at 9pm and meltdown if he didn't get second dinner.
When one child got some tablet or computer while the other was doing something else, then the complaints over what was "fair" would erupt. And the screaming begins again.
The problems kept dogpiling.
So we decided to stop it, cold turkey. We do movie night on Friday where we all pick a movie and watch it while we eat pizze. And then 30 minutes of screens on Saturday and Sunday. And that's it.
The first week was tough. Lots of fighting. "Why no videos? Why no computer? I wanted to build a castle in Minecraft, etc." It's hard to hold firm when you have 3x the complaints, but we kept with it.
The second week, everyone found other things to do than watch videos--without being asked. The 9 y.o. colored & drew with his sisters for a few hours. They all went out and played with neighborhood friends every afternoon. Everyone read books. And best of all, everyone sleeps better. More running around after school + no screens blasting blue light into eyes = lights out before 9pm for all 3.
Last weekend, after getting electronics again, the 9 y.o. had a meltdown after time was up because he wanted more time and hadn't eaten enough so he was hangry. After we calmed down and ate something, he said, "I don't like how I feel when I get too much screens and then don't eat. I understand, Daddy."
Which

1. Huge props to the little man for having the emotional maturity to understand that the cause of feeling awful--screens leading to bad time management--was avoidable.
2. Being willing to own up to a parent being right. Let's be honest: I'll probably only get told "you were right, Daddy" a half-dozen times in my entire life. 😛

My point here is: screentime regulation is hard. And I feel for all you dadditors trying to manage it. If you can cut it almost entirely out, you may find that--like I have--it eliminates the #1 most common cause of fights that we had every day ("ONE MORE MINUTE") and just makes the house more tranquil.
Added bonus: since they're coloring and drawing more, I get more art to decorate with / send to grandparents.

I will try to keep this short, but I might fail at doing so.
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 years. Great relationship, understanding and a lot of love, except for one bit: he had this female friend, lets call her Asia, who I was not fond of whose stuck to him like a girlfriend and clearly had feelings for him: calling all the time, chatting, needing him, etc.
We talked about it a lot, I let him know I don't like her, he told me she's an old friend and means something to him (not romantically) I tried to reconcile with this idea. A couple of years into our relationship, he informed me that he and Asia dated a while back but things did not work out, but she remains his friend, and a close one at that. I got more annoyed but he always reassured me and always let me know in many ways that I'm the only one. Despite that, I still didn't like it but I didn't want to be controlling.
Now here's the thing: Asia and I never met. In fact my boyfriend told me he doesn't want us to meet. I talked to him about this and I said: the only reason that makes sense to me is that she is the other girlfriend, otherwise why can't I meet her like I met all his other friends. He soothed my worries and everything, saying he will never cheat, and I let it go.
I brought it up so much, that he told me he is making sure she stops being this clingy and that they're talking it out, he didn't wanna cut her cold turkey because they have history, and he feels guilty towards her, and doesn't want to hurt her because she is an important person to him.
Today, I did an asshole move and I snooped around his messages while he slept. I won't say I didn't intend to, I did. I opened his messenger app and the chat it was on was Asia's. And I read some messages, and I was in disbelief and froze.
His and her messages seemed like messages he and I would send to each other. They call each other baby, she sends him pictures (not nudes) but like what a girlfriend would do, and messages from her telling him she loves him and wants to hold him. And the worst message yet: he sent her a message saying he loves her a lot.
I got sick to my stomach, and I stared at him while he slept thinking could it be? I still up to this point haven't even cried because I don't even believe it.
When he woke up I acted normal because up till now I'm shook. I tried my best to be normal but he could tell something is wrong, he insisted I speak but I told him we will talk tomorrow, I just need to think through the issue.
I don't know how to open the topic, I don't know what to say, and quite honestly, I am so scared of the outcomes. I do not want to lose him, he is a huge and great part of my life, but this is cheating, isn't it? I know i was in the wrong for snooping, but I feel belittled and hurt, and I want to talk to him about it, because all the doubts I ever had he soothed seem to have become a reality.
Please help on how and what I can say.
This is a throwaway account

I will try to keep this short, but I might fail at doing so.
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 years. Great relationship, understanding and a lot of love, except for one bit: he had this female friend, lets call her Asia, who I was not fond of whose stuck to him like a girlfriend and clearly had feelings for him: calling all the time, chatting, needing him, etc.
We talked about it a lot, I let him know I don't like her, he told me she's an old friend and means something to him (not romantically) I tried to reconcile with this idea. A couple of years into our relationship, he informed me that he and Asia dated a while back but things did not work out, but she remains his friend, and a close one at that. I got more annoyed but he always reassured me and always let me know in many ways that I'm the only one. Despite that, I still didn't like it but I didn't want to be controlling.
Now here's the thing: Asia and I never met. In fact my boyfriend told me he doesn't want us to meet. I talked to him about this and I said: the only reason that makes sense to me is that she is the other girlfriend, otherwise why can't I meet her like I met all his other friends. He soothed my worries and everything, saying he will never cheat, and I let it go.
I brought it up so much, that he told me he is making sure she stops being this clingy and that they're talking it out, he didn't wanna cut her cold turkey because they have history, and he feels guilty towards her, and doesn't want to hurt her because she is an important person to him.
Today, I did an asshole move and I snooped around his messages while he slept. I won't say I didn't intend to, I did. I opened his messenger app and the chat it was on was Asia's. And I read some messages, and I was in disbelief and froze.
His and her messages seemed like messages he and I would send to each other. They call each other baby, she sends him pictures (not nudes) but like what a girlfriend would do, and messages from her telling him she loves him and wants to hold him. And the worst message yet: he sent her a message saying he loves her a lot.
I got sick to my stomach, and I stared at him while he slept thinking could it be? I still up to this point haven't even cried because I don't even believe it.
When he woke up I acted normal because up till now I'm shook. I tried my best to be normal but he could tell something is wrong, he insisted I speak but I told him we will talk tomorrow, I just need to think through the issue.
I don't know how to open the topic, I don't know what to say, and quite honestly, I am so scared of the outcomes. I do not want to lose him, he is a huge and great part of my life, but this is cheating, isn't it? I know i was in the wrong for snooping, but I feel belittled and hurt, and I want to talk to him about it, because all the doubts I ever had he soothed seem to have become a reality.
Please help on how and what I can say. This is a throwaway account.

I know when I'm getting ready to do these trips, recent reports are helpful, so perhaps some will find this useful. I spent two nights at Shawnee over the past weekend (May 10-12) and had a productive, pleasant trip despite rain and humidity, here's a run-down:
Total mileage: 26 mi* Total vertical ascent: 5800'
Some background: I've done several backpacking trips in Ohio and out West, including a 2 week stint in the JMT, but I haven't been out in over a year, so this was a bit of a gear test and reminder of what I like/don't like. My pack was waaaaay too heavy, but even many years in I'm still learning what I need vs. what I want. I'm also an ultrarunner, so after setting up camp each night I did an additional 3-5 mi of trail running for training. I realize how this sounds--yes, it's "crazy," but it's how I like to spend my time. So all told I ended up with about 35 miles and nearly 8000' of vert for the weekend, which I felt was time well spent given the two hour drive from Columbus. Strava link here. This was also my first time combining backpacking and running in the same trip, and it went pretty well all things considered. I brought a Naked running band with me and used that with a soft flask on the evening runs after setting up camp.
Friday
View from the ridge. So much green!
Left Columbus around 2:30pm, got to the backpacking trailhead about 5:00pm (late!). Hiked about 7 miles into Camp 1 with. nearly 2,000' of vert. Whew! Quickly did my run and set up camp, made dinner, passed out. Everything was too wet for a fire and stayed that way for the whole weekend. The water drop near Camp 1 is about 0.5 miles from the camp, uphill, so I ended up filtering from the stream a lot (gear list below). Beautiful site among the trees here!
Camp in the morning
Saturday
Slept in ('cuz why not?), got up and made coffee while reading this incredible book ironically titled On Trails. About 10:30am, I thought "I should really pack up camp in case it rains." About 5 minutes later...there's the rain! So I ended up packing nearly everything back into my pack during the rain, but the trees helped keep some of it out. Just as I was about to leave, muttering to myself about waiting too long, I look over and see a group of ten fully Goretex-glad guys standing across the way, staring at me, hahahaha. I would presume boy scouts and their leaders, but unsure. They were after my site, which they got as soon as I took off. Those were the only people on trail I saw the entire weekend.
From Camp 1 I hiked around the entire north loop, stopping for water, food, and sun (dried out my tent) as needed, crossing the road near Camp Oyo, and continuing onto the south side towards Camp 4. I'd never been on some of these sections of the park, and it's all just so beautiful and secluded. Not the say the trails are easy--most of the grades are steep, rocky, and technical, and I enjoy that sort of thing. Further south there's a lot of logging and clear-cutting which has affected some of the trails, but the blazes and arrows are generally quite accurate.
One of the more open sections of the trail--these trails are often muddy.
Near Camp 4, in one of the more open areas where the backpacking (orange) trail meets the bridal trails, I encountered two aggressive wild turkeys. This was new to me. It might have been the same one, but given my hiking direction, I think they were separate. Both were female, and acted as if I was a true threat to their territory, squawking loudly at me, running towards me, and just generally being obnoxious. It was a little unnerving as most turkeys I've encountered in Ohio (from Hocking Hills to Pike Lake to High Banks) are generally timid and run away quickly. Not these guys--they were very upset I was there. I made a ton of noise and clacked my poles and yelled and eventually moved by, but it was strange, to say the least. Other than that, I saw no interesting wildlife (nor heard any) of any kind.
Camp 4 is also very cool, down a long hill and very close to its water drop. The stream was right next to me which made for a wonderful natural noise machine all night. After setting up camp I did another short run, going further south which opened up to a very clear cut section that I honestly found quite beautiful--the rugged logging roads make for great training, and the sun blazing down at that point, compared to the heavy clouds that morning. Camp was chilly that night, dropping into the high 40s, so I made my dinner and contemplated life by the stream. Below is a typical water pump near these sites--they are filled with (I presume) potable water from a tank usually ~100' away, and you push down very hard to use them. Some other ones have a different mechanism.
Water pump by Camp 4
I filtered these anyway, using a Larq bottle (UV light), but I also had a Lifestraw with me for water with sediment from streams--I didn't use this much as in the evening I was boiling most of my water for food anyway.
Camp 1 to camp 4 was around 14 miles and 3,000' of vert, and took me around 6 hours going at a leisurely pace with a heavy pack.
Sunday
Woke up early to very chilly conditions, but no rain thankfully. After packing up I hiked out partly on the backpack trail, and then cut over to a bridal trail to come out on Mackletree Rd near Roosevelt Lake. You can cross this lake (getting wet in the process) nearly the southern point, and use a faint trail to connect to the campground hiking trails. I had done this before, but then hiked on the road back to the main backpacking trailhead. this time, I went through the campground and found a wonderful bridge connecting the very end of the paved campground road to the hiking trails around Turkey Creek Lake. This bridge is not on any maps that I've seen, so I plan to add it to Open Street Maps which Gaia and Strava pull from with each new update. GPX file for this here. After crossing that bridge you come out near the damn and a beach, and then take the Lake Trail back to the backpacking trailhead. When I left on Friday there were 3 other cars in the lot (mine made 4), and when I returned on Sunday, just two (including mine). So, not a ton of use, even for a nice May weekend. Maybe the rain kept some folks away. The final push out was just over 5 miles and 800' of vert. I was home by noon, making this entire trip just over 48 hours from central Ohio. Not bad!
Happiest in the woods.
Gear
I'm a huge gear head, so I'll make this brief and am happy to field questions.

• Hyperlite Mountain Gear 55L "Porter" pack
• Hoka Speedgoat 5 trail runners
• Garmin Enduro 2 watch
• Black Diamond Carbon Z Poles (120cm fixed)
• Mountain Hardwear Strato 2 UL tent (MSR stakes)
• Exped Dura 3R pad
• The new Nemo "Moonlite UL" chair
• Everything else is pretty standard or a hodge podge of old gear

My hope is to inspire you to get out there and hike, backpack, trail run, or whatever. Shawnee is a really amazing place that I think is underutilized, though it was definitely a drive for many of us. But the trails are remote, rugged, and you'll find tons of solitude. Enjoy!

Hey all, long time lurker, first time poster.
33M, SW385, CW368, GW250, 6’3-1/2”, favorite color blue, Toyota 4Runner driver… all the pertinent details!
Been on Zep 2.5 for about a month and I am really attempting to use this as an opportunity to improve my health overall. Obviously dealing with obesity, but also trying to remedy some slightly high cholesterol and inflammation that exacerbates a couple of old injuries. Zep, diet, and exercise have helped me lose about 17lbs in about a month. I should be measuring inches, but I haven’t yet, although I have dropped a shirt size in this time. Doctor is bumping me up to 5mg, but I’ve had a devil of a time finding a box. Waiting til Friday, and going compound if my pharmacy doesn’t get any. (If anyone in central Florida knows where there is a stash, let me know!)
I have cut out red meat, fried food, alcohol, and almost everything with added sugar. Lots of turkey, chicken, whole grain breads, avocados, berries, nuts, so many protein drinks (Mölk ftw!). Looking at fried food currently makes me nauseous, I couldn’t even think to eat it. At the six month mark, I plan to do a follow up blood test and see where I land. If things look better, I’ll reintroduce red meat.
Another major component is that I have been dealing with low testosterone my entire life. I check all the boxes; slow muscle growth, low energy, poor mood, poor sleep, low libido, you name it. I’m currently working through the process to get on TRT to hopefully get my hormones in check.
I have been overweight/obese my entire life, but I am built on a naturally large frame, so I have carried it well. For reference, my wrists are bony and measure 9.5”, I can’t find a watch band anywhere! Looking at me, you probably wouldn’t guess I am almost 400lbs, you’d probably just think, “that is a mountain of a man!” Most people estimate my weight around 300lbs, so I guess I’m fortunate in that regard.
My plan is to make the most of my large frame; I have been making strides in the gym to work through strength training, taking supplements to promote muscle and bone health, getting massive amounts of protein. I hope that TRT will help me continue this growth. My GW is probably much higher than most on this sub and definitely will not get me to a “healthy,” BMI. I anticipate I will experience significant muscle growth if I can stay on track, and that will keep my weight up.
My question is, has anyone here used Zep and TRT simultaneously? What was your experience like? Did your muscle growth outpace your weight loss?
Current supplements for those curious: Vitamin D Zinc Magnesium Boron Multi-V Probiotic Ashwaganda Omega-3 algae oil Creatine
Thanks all!

I have taken 40mg daily for 4-5 months now. I'm beginning to cut down however stupidly went cold turkey for a few days thinking the rebound would not be as severe but I got horrible burning and now a week later my epigastric pain is back. I'm on 30mg a day now trying to taper off but I'm not sure if I should be tapering off? The reason I tapered off is Because I felt like I was on it quite a long time and didn't want to get bacterial overgrowth and some of my bloating and symptoms could have been from my stomach acid being too low to carry out digestion. I want to heal badly, I'm eating clean also.

Hello fellow quitters (the good kind)! First of all I want to say a big thank you to all of the contributors to this sub. If it weren't for you all logging your quit symptoms I would have had no idea what was happening to me and have been very confused about why I was feeling the way I was. This sub helped me feel not so alone in dark moments, and gave me place to vent. But mostly it provided reassurance that what I was feeling was normal and that in turn gave me motivation to keep going and make it to 64 days off nicotine. So thank you all sincerely.
And I want to give a shout out to Bizzy and HoopsCoach for being so active here and honest about your quitting journey. It has helped.
Story first: So I'm going to cathartically dump my nicotine origin story in hopes that the perspective really allows me some closure and brings some relation to others. I started using nicotine at 15 years old in the form of long cut chewing tobacco a friend gave me. The first dip I had gave me an incredible dope rush and I still remember it to this day. I was so happy and thought I found my new best friend. I was giddy. I needed more. Well, as you know the next hit isn't as good and you're just chasing that buzz forever. So I did. I chewed for the next 14 years. It was my crutch, my security blanket. My favorite meal was 4 cups of coffee and a horseshoe in my mouth. I probably did a can every 1.5 days. My oral hygiene was good and I was physically active, drank plenty of water and ate well so I assumed it wasn't that bad.
Over time though, it did take its toll. My gums and cheeks would would shed dead skin. I was getting sensitive teeth, my sleep was turning south, i developed nerve pain in my hands and feet, I wasted a lot of money on chew and it didn't fit in with my new job in the food industry.
So at some point about 5 years ago a coworker shows me his Zyn spearmint. I knew what nicotine was but had no idea how much 6mg was or how much I had been getting from dip. The pouch itself was comically small and was initially very unsatisfying because I was used to the sensation of a fat lip. But dang it gave me a buzz! It tasted ok too. I still had my cans of dip and I wasn't about to mix two different products together so I didn't rush out and get them. But sure enough the next time I was out of chewing tobacco I made the switch so I could get my fix at work. I was in love. I could be on a steady drip of nicotine all day and all night. I only took those things out to brush and eat. I mean slept with them in. I ordered in bulk I brought them every where. Wallet, keys, phone, water, Zyn. Ok let's go!
Sleep became even worse. Started feeling wired and tense. Like my muscles were always wanting to contract. I was short tempered. My cardio fitness was declining. I was feeling winded often. And wasting even more money. I wasn't sure if those pouches were giving me energy or making me tired. I just know I needed more of them.
A different coworker introduced me to pre workout about 2 years ago so now I have no more fatigue and I'm just working like a banshee rocking and rolling and then it happened. I had a panic attack. I was about to pass out late at night, and then something happened that forced me to stay up another couple of hours and I got anxiety like I've never had. Out of breath, heart beat out of control. Like I had got hit with epi pen. Nausea, chest pain. This was in September of 2023. The next day I had lingering chest pain. I still wonder if I had a cardiac episode or the chest pain was due to the panic attack and dry heaving. Hopefully the latter. It did eventually go away after a few weeks.
I realized I needed to quit everything right then and there. I swore off energy drinks and have been mostly successful in that. All though i did switch to coffee. I tried to cold turkey every thing at once but it made me too sick. Puking, lost my appetite. Anxiety, chest palpitations, you name it. So I reintroduced caffeine and 3 mg pouches. I had to taper. I tried to make it less painful but i ended up prolonging the suffering. My withdrawal symptoms have included dizziness, blurred vision, decreased appetite, fatigue, confusion, insane anxiety followed by depression, heart palpitations, regret and sense of sadness, chest pain, short temper, and a 10 day stretch of insomnia that was one of the most difficult weeks of my life. I basically slept 3 hours. A Night for 10 days.
As for being on day 64, I still don't feel great. But I'm more patient and I'm not wasting money. The anxiety is mostly gone too by comparison. I don’t have a great appetite yet and I’m not sleeping perfectly either. Hoping the 90 day mark gets me over the hump. Over all I'm glad I quit. I needed to move on. My kids don't need to see the pouches, they were causing cardiovascular harm and high blood pressure , increased resting heart rate and wrecking my sleep. I'm leaving this sub for a while and will make a day 100 update. I wish everyone the best. It's not easy but you can do this.

Broke up with my ex 3 years ago because I hated myself at the time and fell out of romantic love with him and after months of trying to get it back and no matter what I did, I just couldn’t so I ended things. I knew he deserved much better than I could give him. I still no longer love him in that way but he was the most wonderful person I ever met and I’ve been rattled with guilt since knowing I hurt him deeply when I left. I really regret how I handled the break up. I went complete cold Turkey and cut him off. Never speaking to him again after we last met in person to break up and even then he was being so understanding and kind to me. He didn’t deserve that and surely must have felt discarded. At the time I thought I was don’t the right thing by both of us. But I’ve thought of him and off ever since and wishing he’s doing well and have always wanted to reach out to apologise for how I handled things and check in on him. But what’s always stopped me is I have been on the other side of this when exs I treated well in the past reached out and it always opened up old wounds for me when they did and I don’t wanna cause him any more upset. And I don’t want to be any more selfish than I have been with him.

My own Mother’s Day had gone passingly well - my sister and I took her and her girlfriend out for brunch, I gave her a book about a Polish woman solving her village’s problems with veganism and astrology that I didn’t like much but which she’d appreciate - so I decided to celebrate with a half bottle of wild turkey. Walking out of Smith’s with the flask in my back pocket, I saw a thin beleaguered woman, her dayglo soccer uniform clad sons tugging on her hem, yelling at her phone over the speaker. “We don’t have vodka or whiskey,” yelled she, so obviously she needed one or both. Fortunately I had one, and I figured hey, pay it forward - my sister is 7 months pregnant and our family needs some luck - so I approached her with my hand in my back pocket saying “Excuse me, miss - “ but was cut off before I could offer the bottle, gratis for the busy mom. “Don’t you dare interrupt me,” she said, holding her phone to the side, “can’t you see I’m busy?” I shrugged and walked off - can’t really be mad at her, she had a lot on her plate, and hey, I get to keep my whiskey. How was your guys’s Mother’s Day?

I read a lot of horror stories on here, so I thought I would share my experience. I began lexapro in college, which didn’t have much of an effect. when covid lockdown happened I was on prozac but felt similarly underwhelmed with the results. I quit cold turkey when my dad died in september 2022, meaning to find a provider under my new health insurance but never getting around to it.
I finally found a provider in february and she suggested an snri, since ssris hadn’t helped me in the past. my initial side effects were bad and I wanted to quit, but she suggested I stick it out and try upping the dosage. I was super hesitant, but the results over the last 2/3 weeks have been night and day. I’m not overwhelmed by minor tasks, I have more positive (or at least more neutral) self talk, I’ve consciously tried cutting back on my drinking, and I don’t feel an overwhelming sense of despair over nothing in particular.
I don’t want to sound too much like an evangelist, cause I know medication is a complex and personal issue and I still deal with some mental health problems, but I’m really amazed at my improvement. I just wish my dad were here to see how much better I was doing ♥️

Alexander Vraciu was one of the Navy's finest flying aces during World War II. But before that, he was a simple lad at DePauw University who played football and a prank for the ages.

At DePauw

The son of an East Chicago policeman, Vraciu earned the four-year Edward Rector Foundation Scholarship to DePauw on May 3, 1937 out of Washington High School, where he was the editor-in-chief for the school yearbook and captained the tennis team.^[1] The scholarship, worth $1,000 ($21,689.72 today), was awarded to 110 high schoolers across sixteen states that year.^[2]
Upon matriculating at DePauw that fall, he tried out for football—in secret, against his parents' wishes—and joined the freshman team as a halfback.^[3] They struggled early on, getting shut out 32–0 by Butler (in fairness, Butler's freshmen had not lost to anyone in four years at this point) while playing Wabash to a scoreless tie.^[4] Still, his contributions earned him a starting spot on the varsity roster.^[5]
In 1938, DePauw's 50th season began with a 13–0 win over Franklin. Playing in all three phases like many at the time, Vraciu was the backup halfback behind the baseball team's star pitcher Karl "Curly" Randells while also doubling as a linebacker and the Tigers' lead return man. His special teams value came in handy in the third quarter when Franklin was forced to punt from their own end zone and Vraciu returned it to the 17-yard line, which set up John Scott's one-yard touchdown run to break the scoreless draw.^[6]
His season was upended in the following week's 41–0 victory over Evansville College when he twisted his knee in the second quarter; fellow backup running back Robert Soule was also knocked out for the year with an arm injury.^[7][8] Not wanting his parents to know that he was playing football behind their backs, he had to hide the injury from them, which proved difficult as he was also a member of the mile relay and tennis teams.^[3] Even with his football career cut short, he still earned a spot on a postseason all-American roster, kind of: he was first-team All-Unpronounceables, for players whose names all-star team creator Ed Nace could not say properly.^[9]

The Prank

In the summer of 1939, Vraciu was attending a psychology class taught by Paul J. Fay. The class was intended to study "a human's ability to observe, and accurately recall what was observed," and Fay tested his students perhaps a bit too zealously as he frequently started random "fights" before asking the class who was involved and what happened.^[3][10]
Tired of this, Vraicu decided to see if Fay "could take some of his own medicine." On the final day of class, while taking a quiz, he suddenly stood up and threw an eraser at the professor. Vraciu then proclaimed, "I just can't stand it any longer!", and made a beeline for the window before jumping out.^[10]
Since the classroom was on the second floor, Fay immediately rushed to the window in horror. Upon gazing down, he saw Vraciu laying on a tarp held by his Delta Chi fraternity brothers and thumbing his nose at him.^[10][11]
The prank made national headlines. The Chicago Tribune, who had Vraciu and his friends re-enact the prank for a photo, quipped, "Give him an A in the course!"^[11][12]
"I like to see students on their toes," Fay remarked.^[13] "Vraciu is an excellent jumper and a good student besides. I'm giving him an A in the course."

World War II

A pre-medicine major, Vraciu had plans of becoming a doctor after graduating.^[14] Those plans were dropped when the United States entered the Second World War, and he opted to enlist in the Navy in 1942 as an aviation cadet. He underwent training at Naval Air Station Glenview.^[15]
In November, while training in California, his training plane collided with another mid-air, forcing him to "re-enact" his prank again as they hopped out.^[16] DePauw's student newspaper even headlined their story "Vraciu Parachutes from Wrecked Plane; Repeats Procedure of Stuent Prank."^[11]
His first assignment was over Wake Island in October 1943, flying an F6F Hellcat for Fighter Squadron 6 (VF-6) under Edward O'Hare, who would receive the Medal of Honor after being killed in action the following month. Vraciu scored his first victory in just his second day, then became a flying ace with his fifth kill by January of the following year. By the time VF-6 was rotated out, he already had nine wins.^[17]
Still, he elected to continue serving and was reassigned to VF-16.^[17]
Vraciu's finest day came on June 19, 1944, during the Battle of the Philippine Sea. In a day that came to be known as the "Great Marianas Turkey Shoot", he shot down six Japanese bombers flying close in formation in eight minutes. He told a correspondent for The New York Times:^[18]

We went out at a high altitude and from a far range we could see scattered groups of from twenty to fifty Jap planes each coming toward our carriers. They were all Judys. As squadron leader, I tallyhoed to the carrier and climbed to 25,000 feet, about 2,000 feet above the enemy planes.
For unknown reason they were all massed together with the groups at various altitudes. It was a brilliantly clear day, about 10:30 a.m. and from my observations there were enough Japs around to satisfy everybody in my squadron.
They were thirty-five miles away when we started after them, and as they tried to separate from their groups I was able to apply the simple process of picking them off the edges. You might say it was comparable to riding herd in the sky.
Just as the first Jap approached, my belly tank ran dry and I shifted to an auxiliary and took that one out easily. In making the shift, a lot of oil got on my windshield and made the vision so poor I had to go within 150 yards of the next one before stopping it. The next two were knocked out on a run of about fifteen seconds.
Next in line were three heading for an American destroyer. I was able to get two of those, and must have hit the bomb of one of them, for he exploded, scattering plane parts through the air. The third was foolish enough to attack a battleship, which was the end of him.

Although nominated by seven Navy admirals for a Medal of Honor for his performance that day, Vice Admiral George D. Murray of the medal review board instead gave him a Navy Cross. They tried again after the war in 1947 but was rejected by Murray again.^[19]
"I do not, in any way, mean to detract from the very enviable record made by Lt. Vraciu during the war," began Murray.^[20][21] "His superior performance of normal duties brought distinction upon himself. His failure, if it had occurred, to engage the enemy, on 19 June 1944, would have brought censure upon himself."
In 1990, Army veteran and aviation buff Harry Block convinced Rep. Andy Jacobs Jr. to organize a United States House Committee on Armed Services hearing to review the case. Although most of the committee including chairman Les Aspin were supportive of Vraciu, Navy assistant secretary for manpower and reserve affairs Barbara S. Pope—the lone Navy representative in attendance—questioned the need for a hearing 46 years later. Although Vraciu was supposed to testify, the hearing ran out of time and ended without a decision. The only positive takeaway was that the committee agreed Murray's reasoning for denying him the MOH was poorly written and missed numerous key points like listing Vraciu with the wrong squadron and aircraft carrier.^[22][23]
By Vraciu's death in 2015, he was still without the MOH.
His last combat flight came in December 1944 when his oil tank was punctured by a Japanese bullet over the Philippines, forcing him to—you guessed it—jump from his plane. He was rescued by the Filipino resistance and supported them before returning to American ends.^[18] At war's end, he had 19 victories in the air and 21 on the ground.^[17]

References

[1] Washington High Senior Given $1,000 Scholarship, The Times, May 3, 1937
[2] DEPAUW LISTS 110 RECTOR AWARDS, The Indianapolis Star, May 2, 1937
[3] STORY OF LEGENDARY WORLD WAR II HERO ALEX VRACIU '41 TOLD BY CALIFORNIA NEWSPAPER, DePauw University, February 24, 2003
[4] Shooting From Taw—Out of Butler's Delta by Wm. F. Fox Jr., The Indianapolis News, November 11, 1937
[5] 21 Varsity Letters, 15 Frosh Numerals Awarded at DePauw, The Indianapolis News, November 20, 1937
[6] Tigers Tally Twice in Second Half For 13-to-0 Triumph Over Franklin, The Indianapolis Star, September 25, 1938
[7] TIGERS SWAMP EVANSVILLE ELEVEN, 41-0, The DePauw, October 3, 1938
[8] Aces Smothered By Tiger Passes, The Indianapolis Star, October 2, 1938
[9] Inside Stuff, The Morning Call, November 20, 1938
[10] Prof. Proves He Can Take It As Well As Dish It Out to Class by the Associated Press, The Courier-Journal, June 2, 1939
[11] Pranker pursued flying by Heather Crawford, The DePauw, November 15, 1996
[12] STUDENT SCORES 'A' MARK FOR LEAP OUT OF WINDOW, Chicago Tribune, June 8, 1939
[13] Psych Pupil Turns Tables On Professor, The Honolulu Advertiser, June 9, 1939
[14] Always a diverse city, many contributed to rise of culture by Lu Ann Franklin, The Times of Northwest Indiana, February 23, 1993
[15] TRAINING CAMP NEWS, Chicago Tribune, December 28, 1941
[16] DePauw Alumnus (December 1942)
[17] Vraciu, Alexander, Gathering of Eagles Foundation
[18] Five Down and Glory: A History of the American Air Ace by Gene Gurney (1958)
[19] World War II pilot anticipates Medal of Honor by the Associated Press, Journal and Courier, July 25, 1990
[20] H.J.Res. 33 (104th): For the relief of Alexander Vraciu.
[21] Medal of Honor sore subject for World War II flying ace by Rex Redifer, The Indianapolis Star, September 13, 1988
[22] Navy won't reconsider medal for Hoosier by Rex Redifer, The Indianapolis Star, January 31, 1990

Some context, I've had a rougher start. Forgive me, as this is a bit long. I'm sure a lot of people can relate. My mom had me when she was 16, and my biological father didn't stick around. My grandparents raised me, but I'd stay with my mom most weekends. She (my mom) married a guy who I viewed as my dad when I was a toddler, and I have other siblings, me being the oldest. My dad got sick when he was 28yo with a genetic heart issue, and by 30, he was on life support fighting for a heart transplant. He got it, and lived to see 35, but died when I was 16. At that point, my mom took it hard, as he was the main care giver at home, while my mom still slept til 3 or 4pm, then went out almost every night. My dad loved her though, so he just dealt with it while taking his rejection meds, and handling it all at home. Anyways, when he passed, she didn't know how to be a mom. My younger twin sisters ended up raising themselves from 16yo, while my mom was strung out. I didn't have a steady start as an adult, as I dropped out of school, and ended up having a horrible accident two months after my dad died that nearly paralyzed me permanently. I was in the hospital for months, and had to relearn how to use my legs. I was sent home on HEAVY narcotics, and at that time, I couldn't have told you the difference between a fentanyl patch and tylenol. I never touched any drugs as a teen, not even weed. I became heavily dependent on those drugs, and by the time I turned 18yo, I'm addicted when my doctor cuts me cold turkey after I became pregnant. My obgyn seen how bad I was dealing with it, and gave me low dose painkillers to ease withdrawal and help me out during my pregnancy. Fast forward a couple years of trying to battle this addiction, I have two daughters. I find out I'm pregnant with my 3rd and decide I have to get into treatment for my family. I've been in recovery since 2016. I prioritized recovery for years. For a long time, I was a stay at home mom, while my fiancé took care of us. In 2020, I got a part time job on weekends to get out of the house and have some extra cash. Well, I've been here since then. Now that my kids are older, I want to go back to school if needed, and find a solid career where I can make at least 60-80k, more if possible, with benefits. My fiancé, who is now my husband, has worked as a roofer, providing for us for the last 10 years, but now, I'm 28 and I want to be the provider, because he's having horrible neck and back pain that will cripple him eventually if he continues at this pace. He's a great dad, and loves being with our daughters, and has stood by me through losing grandfather, my little sister, and other obstacles I've tackled while with him. I just want to give back to him, and make our future something we can be proud of. We have a small savings of 4k, and work hard to give our kids things we didn't have. But things like insurance are still hard to get. We both need major dental work, checkups, etc, so I'd love to find a career that provides good family insurance and a good salary, even if it requires I go back to school, but I don't know where to start. My only requirement is I don't want to do anything too physically demanding, as my entire back from L1-L3 is metal hardware. I also want to limit my work to 40 hours a week if possible. I just need some advice. I'm getting such a late start, and feel like such a failure. Where do I go from here? Sorry about the long, convoluted story. Any advice or guidance is greatly appreciated.

This will most likely be a long and I think confusing post, mostly due to me being confused, but I figured that Ill try my best to explain as much as "needed" and ask for your opinion.
Ill try to keep my history short but with the "important stuff" in it:
Parents from ME, they moved to europe while my mother was pregnent and their relationship during this time was supposedly very horrible for her and they got divorced shortly after.
I remember my kid years (2-13/14y/o ) as strange because life was strange. My mom had to work dubble shifts to make ends meet, so when I was young I had some of her friends or a babysitter taking care of me and the older I got the more I had to be solo in the house til she came back but I made it work.
School was rough, I am diagnosed with ADHD and as a immigrant in a mostly white school I stood out in several ways (we used to live in more mixed communitys before and then moved into more suburban "white" places).
Around 14-15 I started acting out, by that time school was shit, I saw religion & god as a joke, I had a stepdad in the picture and my family was busy getting to work on their future plans and life in general.
This is when I try out ciggarettes, drugs and sex for the first time and I get hooked on ciggarettes shortly after. Worth mentioning I was always found ciggarettes horrible but both my parents are heavy smokers.
Around that age I get to know some other people who are into what I used to deem "cool shit" (drugs, gangs, crime)
Around 15 I get busted by my mom that I was smoking cigarettes, had tried weed out and also helped in a couple of deals through some friends and we get in touch with social security people throughout the next years. It looked like things where going good on their side but in reality I was just getting rly good at living a "dubble" life full off lies.
From 16-19 I was partially commited to school (just getting pass, not actually trying to get decent grades) and almost fully commited to being a criminal and drug user. (Selling, scamming, transporting etc) Also worth mentioning that I have periods during these years where I play around with drugs such as coke, painkillers, amfetamins and LSD and I do enjoy them but they dont rly get stuck like that unlike weed which I have smoked since 15-16.
Around 19 when high school ends my other life also crumbles due to the human factors involved and I also want out, i'm SLOWLY starting to realize where my life is headed and ever since i've tried to get my life togheter which I have done to a certain degree (complicated).
Since 19 ive been a "deep thinker", trying to understand the different aspects of the human condition and sociaty in general all the way down to the individual. All of this to try to figure out what to to with this interesting hand we got dealt and how to go about that task so to say.
Thus far ive manged to get certain tasks done and failed with some;
Got a morgage for my apartment. Got & lost my drivers lisence. Got & lost 1 relationship. Got a decent office job where I get a decent enough salary to make things go around for the time being and having a possible career there if I want to
Have not yet: Quit smoking cigarettes or weed (and if not weed, alcohol since im an expert at replacing one drug with another at this point (: )
Have not yet: Actually determined if I want to get a degree in something I like (Psycology or something with helping people) or If I need to work due to my morgage and the cost of living. (IE I have not actually figured out what I want to do with my life to cut it short and how to go about it I do since im in my situation)
Have not yet: Found a partner and ive been single for 2 years now.
Throughout my life i've never feelt a "cconnection" to god or a higher being so to say, but i've had family and friends who are deeply/moderetly theistic and always both been jelous of them and also frowned upon them somehow. Saw myself as a "moderate" liberal/left leaning guy and pretty anti religion/anti old values (Not all of them but alot of core values to most theist is something I look down upon heavily)
After 5 years of listening to all sort of people like Sam Harris, Daniel Dennett, JPB, Robert Sapolsky, Richard Dawkins, Alex O'connor and etc - I've always identified with some sort of atheistic moral relativist/emotisvim with a utalitarian outlook.
During these years ive tried to beat my addictions and moral short comings through different methods like training of mind and body through meditation and working out, through being picky with my diet and what I consume from the internet and much much more, but I still fall short the most important things I NEED to overcome, like addicition.
Its gone so far that I've tried everything I can think of, taking LSD and trying to force a ego death/break down, stopped cold turkey with everything and gone into "Zen mode/Munk Mode", talking to a shrink, read books upon books and more. Nothing has worked and ive gotten to the point where the only thing in my mind is "Will this be my life forever? Subcumbing to my addiction and letting it control me and my life and hindering me in all aspects that I need to improve? If that so, whats the point of even trying?" Ive actually started to have harmfull thoughts becasue I feel so hardstuck and unable to move forward and unwilling almost to backwards.
Jordan Petersson talks about religion in a metaphorical way where one needs to submit to the divine to be able to take on the hardest of challenges, and even if I have never bought into the concept of something divine I feel like its the last thing to try out before being back at square one for yet another time. At this point im unable to submitt my current action to my future "me", and I have nothing to guide me.
And if I choose to go down the rabbit hole of religion, how would I ever be able to choose one? Should I even try it since I most likely will never fully buy into it? Am I just lying to myself to try to gather some form of motivation/hope?
This rock is becoming harder to push up that hill.
Sorry if this post dosnt belong here.
Edit: Worth mentioning i've considered this question before and would usually say that Id follow Jesuses teachings since he always seemed to be the most just and sane of the historical figures but due to family and friends I have a longer connection with Islam ( also a deeper connection with its bad sides) while respecting/almost wanting for that dogmatic method of prayer and worshipping/connection) so hence thinking about which one to commit to.

I cut out caffeine cold turkey two weeks ago. I realized that it was affecting my mood, sleep, weight, vanity, and anxiety. I drank 1 cup of coffee a day, for about it three years, and realized I needed to stop as it was impacting my lifestyle negatively.
Below are some bodily experiences that I have encountered during the first two weeks of being caffeine free:
The first week:

• napped daily around 1pm-2pm
• was severely dehydrated
• anxiety was heightened
• digestion immediately improved for the better
• no more impulsiveness
• severe hunger
• brain fog
• 0 motivation to workout

Week two:

• daily naps continued
• more calm throughout the day
• clearer thoughts
• more patience when sitting still, no need to be ‘busy’ and accepting that it’s ok to not always have to complete tasks
• still super dehydrated
• skin looks much younger and better
• hair gets less greasier faster
• back pain is now gone, as is my neck pain
• my body overall feels stronger
• stomach bloating is decreasing

Overall, I am going to continue the decaf lifestyle because I feel healthier and more balanced. My mental health has improved for the better, I sleep deeper and do not wake up at night anymore. My digestion, IBS and heart palpitations are gone. I realized the only reason I was drinking caffeine daily was because it was engrained in my lifestyle since I enjoyed the act of drinking coffee, but it did not have any health benefits or did not improve my life at all. Caffeine is a drug and life without it is much brighter.
Wishing you all the best!

…It’s going great from a health standpoint. I was at about 4-5 cups of coffee per day. I stopped cold turkey, had a sluggish first week, and then was fine after.
Coffee brings with it other indulgences, and I’ve cut those out. I recently had an annual physical, and everything is trending in the right direction: I lost 9 pounds, my HR and BP are normal, and most of all, my cholesterol measurements all are now back from elevated to normal.
From a productivity standpoint, it’s been about the same. I do feel that my peak performance was higher with caffeine, but I needed more caffeine during the day to sustain it. Now, I feel at a nice even pace throughout the day. I do tend to go to sleep earlier and wake up earlier: both have shifted earlier by about 90 minutes, so I just start work a little earlier than I did with caffeine and I still get everything done.
So, based on my experience, I recommend going off caffeine. It’s been worth it for me.

I genuinely don’t know how to solve this. Even if I’m not outright bingeing, I can’t seem to make food less of a priority. I always want takeout or “fun food” because it gives me a dopamine hit I can’t find elsewhere (except occasionally impulse shopping online). I don’t have the money to keep this up, but I need to find a replacement for the feeling or else I will 100% backfire by trying to cut it out cold turkey. Nothing makes me viscerally happy the way good food does. Not reading or having sex or exercise or even social media. I have ADHD, anxiety, a little bit of depression (anhedonia for sure), perfectionism, and fucking hate myself and my body. I’ve lost weight and got to “apparent normalcy” before by strictly focusing on a diet and letting all other parts of my life (job, school, social life) slip away. I’m now about 100 pounds heavier than I was then and food is the only coping mechanism I have for getting through the hard parts of my job and my life. (Edit: eating food is also the only thing that makes socializing with friends, family, even my boyfriend easier. I hate conversations, I hate going out in most cases. I just want to sit and eat.) I truly don’t know what to do.
Another edit: life is a fucking catch-22 because at this weight I have no energy for life. I used to kinda like hiking but now going up the stairs leaves me out of breath. I hate being out in the sun and sweating in every fold of skin. I get headaches and lose all energy after just like 8 hours of being awake, maybe 2 hours of “being a normal adult” and doing things. So what do I do with my remaining time? I eat. I don’t have energy to do shit so I eat, but the more I eat, the farther away I get from having energy/feeling good enough to have a life outside of eating. I’m at a breaking point. Therapy, psychiatry meds, dietician, ED programs, NOTHING is fucking helping.

I’ve been losing weight since January and so far it’s gone alright, I’ve lost 42lbs and feeling great. I’ve been doing (what I thought was) keto OMAD and I’ve recently started doing alternate day fasting as well (my weight loss slowed down a lot/plateaud recently and I would still like to lose another 30-40lbs).
A friend saw what I was eating and said I wasn’t eating enough fat to be doing keto. I understood the fat portion to be purely a satiety thing where you eat as much as you need to feel full, I feel full after eating so I didn’t think it was a problem but now I’m doubting myself.
My go-to meal is:

• 500g lean turkey mince (700 calories, 100g protein)
• half a small red onion
• a lot of herbs and spices
• spinach or broccoli All the above cooked in a bit of oil and I’ll have some diced cucumber on the side.

I don’t like most meat (I was a vegetarian for a very long time and turkey mince is about all I can stomach) and I’ve recently had to cut out dairy after discovering it was the cause of my last 5 years of a very red face.
Would this be considered keto? My carbs are within keto range, I don’t feel hungry. To be clear, if it’s not keto I’m fine with that. Whatever it is is working for me and I’m feeling great, but I was just curious.
Edit: Thank you all so much for the great advice! I will look to add some more fat for some extra calories. This subreddit is amazing, thanks for all you do <3