I would like some help understanding a message, how it should be interpreted from sender and from reliever. It's between a man and woman friendship.
"When I see you, I panic internally. My intrusive thoughts gain and overwhelm me with self-doubt. Writing to you like this is a bit easier than saying it in person. This way, I can face rejection in my own way. I'm not great at taking risks, especially the ones that may hurt, yet sometimes waiting too long can become exceedingly frustrating. When I close my eyes, the thought of you clouds my mind, and I don't know how to cope with the way it makes me feel. I am thankful to have met you. I adore your strong will".
Any assistance is appreciated and thank you in advance.

Today I got my Med school results of 2nd proff. I passed it. Good enough grades. A little backstory to it :
I've always been a decent student. I always go overboard in making things good academically cause I never want to end up being a disappointment. I do all the classes, attend lectures, and study my level best. From school up until my college life, I've been doing good enough. I am not bragging at all just laying down the situation here. So, my exams were in March. I've studied and hustled for the entire year for these exams, but I don't know how and why, my exams didn't go well as compared to the efforts and energy I gave in to it. Every single morning before going to attend the exam, I would always end up crying while revising. It was truly just a bad, very bad phase. Somehow, the exams got over. Fast forward to the days ahead, when I told people around me, including my friends and parents that I expect something bad in the result and that I didn't do as good as I expected it all to be.
No one, not even a single person agreed and accepted. Not even ONE. Everyone was like, “you can do it. Ofcourse if you wouldn't do, who else? You've always been this way. We know you can do.” I actually can't explain and write the exact sentences, but all I wanted was someone to just understand what I meant, what I have in my head. I don't understand why academically good students always are laid down with this image that they can never ever have a bad phase, bad day, bad exams? Why? Aren't we humans? I'm not talking about those who brag unnecessarily. I'm talking about the ones who genuinely do for others and this one time confessed that they aren't expecting anything good this time, that they didn't do well. That they had bad exams and all their efforts ended up in vain.
I'm close to my dad. Enough close that I call him every single minute if I'm panicking. The entire exam time, I used to tell and talk to him. During exams, I told him that my exams aren't going well and that I'm still trying my level best. Everything that I can do. He was supportive. I love him for that. Same with my mom.
Right after exams, when I told them and talked to any of my friends or my dad or mom about results, they would shrug it off like, “let it be” “it's okay” “nothing's wrong” “stop overthinking” “you're a good student, if you wouldn't have good grades, who else will?” “if you're saying this then what will happen to us who don't study as well as you?” Bro I'm tired of this generalisation.
When I say I'm tired. I genuinely am. My results got out today, finally. I did well. I passed :)
The point that I was so happy and people killed my excitement. Some started talking about how I didn't get a top 10 rank. I called my dad first. The very first person. He simply said, “congrats.” Not a single word. He knew everything, my panic, my random urgent calls cause I was going numb while preparing. But all he did was a bland reaction. He instructed me to call my mom then all my relatives (pretty simply my relatives are hella toxic, and negative people. They kill off the vibe.)
I called mom. Same reaction. “congrats!” “did you get the marks too?" And the next minute the topic was about her side of the family and what all she did in her day. Okay. Accepted. Never mind.
Next I called my relatives, one of them said “oh wow good news. Good good.” That's it.
Onto the next, I called her. She said, “oh you finally remember me? Oh so you got your results that's why you could remember me?” :))))))
I was telling my friends, but they all kept repeating like, “if you (my name) would've been failed, then what would've happened to us? Oh come on, stop acting like this. Stop lying. Stop pretending. We knew you were gonna do well.”
Enough y'all.
I didn't need attention. I just want to say that I just wanted a little time to process. I wanted people to understand that this was really an unexpected good result and I was genuinely happy with it. I wanted people to treat me and my result that way. Why can't academically decent people have their share of bad days without people always generalising them that they can never have/ never had seen failures?
I'm writing this while I'm in my hostel room, my best friend is soundly sleeping, probably with just the idea of the dried out responses of my family and nothing else. It's me, my playlist and this rant I'm writing right now. I'm probably not going to sleep at all tonight, will rather have my alone time and process it alone than expecting reactions from people without making me feel like, “oh? You're pass? We already knew. Why is it a big deal for you eh?” Fuck this. It's a big deal for me. I'll manage, process, accept and enjoy on my own.
Thanks to anyone who read this. Have a good day <3

Hello,
I am writing a research paper for a pre-master’s degree course assignment regarding energy efficiency in buildings. Due to the small scope of the course, I will not be able to do stimulation model for the building and extract results from it to write the conclusions. Therefore, I will use a case study for an already simulated building instead. In that case:
1- How could I analyze this case study in my paper? 2- Should I write a summary of its methodology, results and conclusions? 3- Also, where should I attach it in my paper? As a part of my literature review or the methodology? 4- Would I use only one parenthetical reference of the author for the entire case study summary in my research? 5- Do you know any paper that has a case study analysis (referencing a case study not making one) as it’s methodology, so it can be a reference for me in terms of structure?
Thank you all in advance…

Hello,
I am writing a research paper for a pre-master’s degree course assignment regarding energy efficiency in buildings. Due to the small scope of the course, I will not be able to do stimulation model for the building and extract results from it to write the conclusions. Therefore, I will use a case study for an already simulated building instead. In that case:
1- How could I analyze this case study in my paper? 2- Should I write a summary of its methodology, results and conclusions? 3- Also, where should I attach it in my paper? As a part of my literature review or the methodology? 4- Would I use only one parenthetical reference of the author for the entire case study summary in my research? 5- Do you know any paper that has a case study analysis (referencing a case study not making one) as it’s methodology, so it can be a reference for me in terms of structure?
Thank you all in advance…

Hey all, im out on a walk late at night with this feeling of dread or sadness that i dont know what to put as other than loneliness.
To start off, i do have some friends, mostly online and im not very close with the irl friends i have that live in the same country as me. I am a very optimistic person, usually in very good mood aswell, not taking everything too seriously and whatnot, laughing all the time, until its night time and noone else is around. Dont get me wrong, i am introverted. I love my alone time, i prefer staying away from people throughout the day for the most part unless i know them well. Then night time hits and i struggle.
I feel like i have so much love to give, but noone wants it. I try my best to make my friends feel cared for and loved but i feel like i dont get the same back a lot of the time. Im guessing my friends probably all think im fine and dont bother to check up as much since i always say im fine and im doing good, as thats how i do feel 90% of the time, but fuck i feel so alone sometimes. I feel like i put so much care out there, give my friends so much time and attention but in these moments where i could use some, noones there. This feeling ive had when ive had no friends, this feeling ive had when i was in school with lots of friends, this feeling i have now.
I just wanted to write this out to someone so i can get it out of my system, thank you to anyone taking the time to read this, i appreciate you for taking time out of your day and i hope youre doing well.

Boy that was bloody hard. I didn't expect it. I've never struggled with these exams, I have confidence at the end that I passed but this one had me worried, just skimmed it but I'll take it.
Like other threads say - Nmap Nmap Nmap!! This all sunk into my head by doing 1-2 hours of TryHackMe, pay for the month fee and do it, you won't regret it. In fact, take the PenTest course on it after you have core knowledge from reading materials. I didn't do the course, I just did the Nmap, but I wish I did! It tells you in detail, and you can practically do it too.
Some tips:
Scripting - know your scripts, you'll analyse a few Softwares - know what your softwares do and when they're useful
Attacks - What tools for what attacks, how to remidate them, how to execute them

• Also quite a bit on RoE, what to do in certain situations during a pentest in terms of communication, the reporting phase etc

I just relied on Jason Dions content and exams, and I did pass. But me scoring 90% on 6 practice exams wasn't really that useful, as about 5-6 similar questions were on the exam. But it still gives you good knowledge and areas you need to work on. I used professor messer for the prior certs, but he doesn't do this one.
Overall, very hard... What do you suggest next as a certificate? I am in the industry half already, but more focused on PCI beaches/remediation of websites breached/report writing and analysing cyber security containment reports - but all this helped heavily in the Scope of Work stuff and Rules of engagement questions. Might chuck in hours of TryHackMe, try get a secondment at my workplace for a few months & try OSCP, or is there a cert between that level?
Thanks all, I wish you luck if you sit this. I really do recommend the practice exams, they're rather cheap for what it. And TryHackMe. Don't forget Nmap! I'm gona have nightmares about it tonight 😆

Hey everyone! :)
Just wanna say I'm based in the UK before I start- I'm not sure if this stuff is different in the US?
Anyway, I've been umm-ing and aah-ing over the idea of writing a book for some time now- and I think I'm finally ready to give it a go!
The problem is- I'm absolutely clueless on what the process entails, outside of writing the manuscript itself.

• How do you find a good publisher?
• Is it worth putting your book up on Kindle or something?
• Could I expect to earn anything in royalties from a debut book? What are royalties?
• Are there any online classes or forums you can recommend for learning about this stuff/ what manuscript readers want to see?

I've looked into publishing agents but it all seems so daunting :( I'm used to publishing my stuff on fanfiction websites, haha, so this is really deep water for me.
Thanks in advance for any help! I hope I can fulfil this dream and make my inner child happy in doing so (she was a huge bookworm). <3

Or rather, in a dedicated repost, because silly me couldn't read the pinned post and wait a few hours before posting my text the first time.
​
After giving a proper rewrite to Ayano, it's now time to do the same for her love interest. But first, I must give my apologises. The title of my post is "Reworking Taro", but it's actually misleading because there was barely any work to redo to begin with. Ok, there was the easy jab at the original character. Reading my previous rewrite posts isn't necessary to understand this one, but would allow you to grasp the differences with the official game better. If you're too lazy to do so, just keep in mind that my rewrite is a bit more social-focused. Anyway, here's my full-fledged take on our senpai.

Just an ordinary upperclassman: Daiki Tanaka (田中 大樹)

Although Taro Yamada is a perfectly valid Japanese name, it's literally the Japanese equivalent of John Doe. This name just gives me the impression that nothing really matters about him, and that it isn't even worth the effort thinking about a proper name. That might have been the dev's intention, given Taro's characterisation in the game, but I personally can't consider being so lazy about the second most important character. So, rather than keeping this name that makes Senpai seem like some background character, I chose names that actually are very common in Japan in order to keep the "average guy" feeling. The most common Japanese surname is Sato (佐藤), but that sounded a bit too generic for me, so I opted for Tanaka (田中), another widespread name that you might already have seen in some anime. Surprisingly, despite also being common, Yamada (山田) doesn't even come close. For his first name, "Daiki" (written like this: 大樹) means "big tree". It's a fairly popular boy name during the last decades and doesn't refer to anything particular, except maybe the fact that he is a big brother.
Just like many other mediocre harem MC, the main problem with Taro is that he is extremely bland. There's literally nothing worth noticing about him. Now don't get me wrong, making one of your main characters an Average Joe isn't a bad thing in itself, and I know that a yandere having a crush on ordinary people is nothing uncommon in modern Japanese media. However, even the most boringly average person that you can think of still has defined personality, goals, and passions that makes them at least more interesting than a slice of stale bread. In our case, you could replace Taro with a random object and the story would still make as much sense, which usually isn't a good sign for a story meant to have a serious tone. Just like my name choice suggested it, I wanted my version of Taro to stay ordinary. However, I tried to flesh out the little characterization he originally has to make him stand out in his own way, so that the numerous girls' interest in him would feel a bit less unbelievable.
This is Daiki Tanaka, a 17-years old Japanese boy living with his parents and his little sister. Like many other Japanese high-schoolers, he goes to high school from Monday to Friday, attends classes, studies for his tests, and hopes he will be accepted in a good university. And just like many other teenagers, he is is having interrogations about what he wants to do after graduation, how his classmates view him, and whether he'll find himself a girlfriend. Clearly, he's just an average student. Among the typical students you can find in a school, Daiki is a hard-working one. Pressured both by his parents and himself to get the best opportunities he can to settle his future, he is self-conscious about his academic performances and is always trying to improve his grades. Thus, he preferred to remain clubless and spend his free time alone to focus on his studies. Most of the time, he is seen studying at the school library, or reading a book of classic literature next to the fountain. But behind this ordinary reserved bookworm loner appearance is a kind and cultivated boy with a strong sense of justice and a clear passion for the old texts he's reading, making him actually quite a charming person to spend time with for those who can see past his plain exterior. Ayano, of course, is one of those few people, but little did she know that she won't be the only one interested in her dear senpai.

Gameplay role

According to the wiki:

Gameplay-wise, Taro is more similar to a "moving obstacle" rather than a regular interactive student, as he cannot be interacted with normally.

And you see, to me, that's a big problem. You spend the entire game keeping rivals away from Senpai by killing them, making them uninterested in him, or ruining their reputation, and after all the bad experiences he had with those (rather) normal girls, you expect me to believe that the girl Senpai, the perfectly normal guy at all levels, ends up choosing is the creepy lonely student that he has barely spoken to? Nah, I don't buy it. This is why, in my rewrite, my Senpai would be (most of the time) considered as a regular student that you can actually interact with. That means, first, that Ayano wouldn’t get immediately flustered by him when approaching him. I understand that people, especially teenagers, can act shy, nervous, or a little clumsy when their crush are at sight, but seriously, the depiction of this behaviour in the game is completely ridiculous. So, in my hypothetical game, you will have a small amount of time where you will be able to act normally near Daiki and talk to him before your heart starts beating louder and the screen gradually turns pink. Past this point, things pretty much happen the same as in the official game, since Ayano is emotionally unstable. Naturally, the more you interact with Daiki, the longer you will be able to remain calm in his presence.
Now that Senpai can be interacted with, it’s time to explore the potential of this addition by giving him another feature regular students have: tasks. Even if you can withstand his aura a bit better than in the official game, most of the conversations you’ll have with him won’t be long due to Ayano’s shyness. So, if you want to befriend Daiki, those little errands are the key to increase your affinity with him. For a more immersive narration, Daiki's tasks won't be your usual fetch quests that you can accept or refuse, but small talk where you must pay attention and figure out what to do to by yourself. The tasks will be at first very simple, like bringing him his schoolbag that he forgot in his classroom or gifting him the book he wanted to buy. Then, as he feels more comfortable around you, he will start talking a bit more openly about his life and his preoccupations, naturally leading to more complex tasks with more vague formulations and less obvious solutions, such as helping him become less invisible among his classmates. What would be the point of doing all that, will you ask? Having a higher affinity with Daiki will allow Ayano to make him follow her if you need to tactically move him for one of your eliminations. He will also be more likely to reject the rivals’ love confessions in case you don’t have the time to deal with them yourself. Moreover, narrative-wise, I think having the main character interact with their love interest would be a more realistic and healthier depiction of romance in the story. Well, as “healthy” as a yandere can be. But of course, you could also completely ignore this mechanic and focus on eliminating if you want to.
Finally, I would like to improve the reactions he has regarding students' disappearances. Despite all those things happening near him, he is shocked for a bit and then just kinda... accept it like nothing strange happened? The second most important character of the game, ladies and gentlemen. I get it, Senpai is a loner, he is passive, and he is dense. But at this point, that's not being passive anymore, that's being a wooden plank. So, this is my take: Daiki's sense of justice and passion for literature gave him a natural curiosity for crimes because of its depiction in novels. When facing murder, he will mostly act according to the loner archetype. However, if too many deaths or disappearances near him stay unresolved by the police and his sanity is high enough, he will find the courage to take a more active role and investigate on the crimes himself. Obviously, Daiki won't be able to arrest anyone by himself, but he has the advantage of being directly at the crime place and closer to the people at school than the police. Thus, he could report them additional details that they might have missed, like a student acting stranger than usual, missing tools or places cleaner than usual. This could put you in trouble unless you cover your tracks very well, or just prevent him from investigating. And of course, I would also implement Senpai's sanity meter that has been promised for I don't know how much time (but honestly, are you still hoping for it to be implemented after all that happened?), although slightly reworked. Daiki's sanity would decrease with any person dying. The closer the person is to him, both physically and figuratively, the lower it would drop. The deaths that would affect him the most would thus be those of his sister, his childhood friend, or anyone murdered right in front of him. On the opposite, a random student dying at the other side of the school would barely have any effect. A low sanity would have various effects on Daiki depending on its value and the amount of time he has spent with the other students. Those effects could be taking private lessons due to his grades dropping, joining a certain club to feel safer, or shutting himself in at home in one of the worst scenarios. In any case, this would affect his routine. Just like in the official concept, he would be able to recover sanity with a long enough crimeless period or giving him gifts. Only now would the rivals also be able to use the later method to gain affection, making them act a bit more like romantic rivals. I hope you don't mind actually caring about your senpai's mental health.

Relationships with other characters

The rivals
Obviously, a reworked senpai means reworked dynamics with your main targets. Since detailing everything would be way too long for a single post, I'll just link here my take on the romantic rivals that I decided to keep in my hypothetical game, and here, what I'd do with the discarded ones. Since they are Daiki's closest people, and the most likely to affect his mood in the game, I'll still put here what I have in mind for my version of Osana and Hanako.
His sister
Just like his canon counterpart, Daiki loves his sister very much. A feeling that is reciprocated a bit too much. Unlike her brother who has a balanced lifestyle, the middle-schooler is a very clingy girl who can't imagine being away from him. She has the bad habit of leaving her school during lunchtime just to visit him, which greatly embarrasses Daiki. Even if he appreciates the time they spend together in the end, he knows that this behaviour is unhealthy, and hope that, one day, his sister will find the confidence to become more independent. In my rewrite, the little sister isn't a romantic rival, but someone that I'd call a "big obstacle", as her role is mainly to appear at random (or maybe not, I haven't decided yet) days during lunchtime and potentially mess up your planification for the day. You wouldn't want to kill someone in front of your crush's beloved sister, right?
His childhood friend
Daiki and his sister have known their neighbours' daughter for more than a decade. All three of them used to play together during their childhood. The neighbours' daughter is a brash and impulsive girl, whose personality clashes with Daiki's quieter nature. Despite frequently being at odds and arguing about trivial things, both of them deeply care about each other and would be the first person to help the other if they were having problems. Daiki and his friend didn't have many occasions to see each other since elementary school, until the girl coincidentally transferred to the same high school as him. Even if he is now more serious and reserved than before, deep inside, he is still the same kind boy that she knew. Now that they can once again spend much time together, the girl has come to realize she was in love with her dear friend, but her internal turmoil and her personality make it difficult for her to act sincere and confess her feelings. She stays otherwise pretty similar to Osana, except for the greater consequences when dealing with her by using lethal eliminations, and maybe the fact that she won't be the first rival to appear.
Budo (or whatever name I'll end up giving him)
Yes, you read it right. That guy that overshadows Senpai among the fans is one of his friends in my rewrite. Because even the most introverted individuals are able to develop relationships with people that aren't potential romantic interests. The leader of the martial arts club is an outgoing action-oriented boy who is pretty popular at school. Unlike Daiki, Budo always knew in his heart that his place would be in a dojo, and thus doesn't have much interest in academics. But despite having such different backgrounds and personalities, both boys share the same sense of justice and admiration toward heroes. When he's not attending classes, studying or reading, Daiki hangs out with Budo, and is sometimes invited to watch the martial arts club members practicing. If too many dangerous events happen around Daiki, Budo, as an aspiring hero and good friend, will propose to escort him at certain periods, becoming basically a part-time bodyguard.
Ayano
Nothing much to say here. Daiki unknowingly reminded Ayano, who has locked her heart for years, how great it is to have feelings when they first met, and now she wants to make sure nothing stands between them. How she will reach her ends is your decision. If she decides to spend time with him and do his tasks, he will think of her as a peculiar, but well-intentioned girl. Just like in canon, Daiki is oblivious to Ayano's feelings, but it's more due to the fact that they barely know each other.

Trivia

• Regarding his career choice, Daiki is hesitating between becoming an author, a lawyer or a criminologist.
• Like Taro, he also likes nature and gardening, but to a lesser extend.
• Sometimes, instead of a book of classic literature, you can see him reading the latest crime novel at the fountain. With a pen and a writing pad, because he's just that invested.
• Since he is friend with Budo, he sometimes feels too plain and boring compared to him regarding romance. If you use matchmaking to eliminate a rival, his self-consciousness will grow a bit stronger.
• He has never bought a panty shot from Info-chan, but honestly, do you really find this surprising, or even relevant? He has never even contacted Info-chan.
• I had quite the choice among popular Japanese boy names. Daiki could've been named "Yamato", "Daisuke", "Hiroto", "Yuto", "Yuu", or even "Satoshi" instead.
• In the official game, if Ayano commits a crime in his sight while wearing a mask, Taro will rip the mask off her face with no regard for his safety or his character consistency. I would like to get rid of this behaviour for Daiki, except for one specific circumstance.

​
And that was my full-fledged take on Taro. When you have an ordinary person as a character in the middle of very colourful ones, the key to make the public care about him is to give them tangible preoccupations that, even if they aren't always relatable, make this character at least feel like a real person with human struggles and dreams, and not just a barebone plot device. And that might seems obvious, but if you have to write a love interest, make sure you actually show your public what your main character likes about him. That's even more important in the case where many people are attracted to this character. I tried to take those two things into account when rewriting Taro, and I know it's far from perfect, so don't hesitate to tell me what I should improve. In any case, if you made it to the end, thank you for taking the time to read this long post. I hope I'll find the motivation to do the same with other characters.

What’s cookin my emotional brothers and sisters. I’m 20 m and I was only recently diagnosed with BPD like two months ago by my therapist. He told me to do my own research in my own time and see if I could relate to others with the disorder, which I most definitely did and it was an extremely surreal experience. It STILL is surreal and it’s come with a lot of feelings both good and bad, but honestly mostly bad lmao.
After learning about the diagnosis I pretty quickly quit yet another job (this time a high paying shipyard) and also texted my high school ex who I haven’t spoken a single word to in TWO YEARS a massive embarrassing ramble of emotions (she responded as nicely as you can to that sort of thing though thankfully lol). Some weeks later and Im here now hired for yet another job that I’ll probably stay at for a few months then quit, but I want this to end so bad. I’m so tired and honestly the hope is gone.
I know I haven’t been in therapy long, but already my therapist has missed like three meetings and I don’t know if he can help me even if I did actually meet him every week like I’m supposed to. How can he help me become better just by talking to me when I’m this far gone? I’m thinking about talking to my psychiatrist about trying antipsychotics (especially since I’ve experienced two VERY vivid auditory hallucinations quite recently) but I’ve already tried so many stimulants and anti depressants that have done nothing for me.
I also read many stories about people with BPD and how they can’t find love and how they’re alone and it crushes me. Despite the fact that it’s been over two fucking years, I still miss and obsess over my ex all the time and since she dumped me it hasn’t felt like I’ve been living “life” anymore. It feels like every day I live has been the “aftermath” of that event despite all the times I’ve seriously tried to push her out of my mind with actual HEALTHY distractions over the past two years.
I feel so alone and unloved and that’s because I truly believe I am. The people who don’t hate me I cut from my life anyway subconsciously. I haven’t been able to connect with any of my family members since I was very young, not because they’re bad people or anything but just because I feel extremely anxious around all of them, and that definitely includes both my parents who I haven’t lived with since I was 13. I really only have 3 dickhead guy friends left who I’ve known for a decade, and lately they’ve been unhappy with me too (for good reason). The only person I love and I feel at least remotely loves me back isn’t actually a person but my cat Walt. The only thing I want in life is a real connection with someone. I WANT to work for it but I can’t, I always give up or fuck up somewhere down the line.
I’m just getting worse and worse. I’m addicted to everything and my physical health is taking a nose dive too. Binge eating has become a huge problem lately, and I think I’m starting to get fat which will fucking destroy me since I used to be a fat kid and thinning out was genuinely one of the best things that ever happened to me lmfao. I want to work out from home and get really fit and big which would be extremely helpful for my confidence, but I can’t even START because I know I will probably just give up like before. Time is flying so fast, probably in part because I haven’t stopped smoking copious amounts of pot longer than a week in over two years. I feel like I’m running out of time and even if I do get better or don’t fucking kill myself this week, I’ll have already wasted so much of my life. I’m so alone and depressed and tired and I have so many problems I don’t even know where to begin to even ATTEMPT to try and become happy.
Idk what any of you can tell me, and again I haven’t been in therapy for BPD long so really that’s probably my best bet. If it does help, I hope it starts helping really fucking soon because I think things are really, really bad now. Thanks for reading if you actually read through all this shit, just writing this all down actually made me feel a little better.

I read another post about some new papers having AI generated stuff within them, and it made me think this is just one tiny little step in the slippery slope we already are considering published scientific work.
Paper culture is a lost cause nowadays. We do them because we have to. Most of the papers are not even properly reviewed unless they are in super high end journals. Most of the academics I know offload their reviews to PhD students or even research assistants.
In an ideal world a paper should contain all the info to be replicated. That never happens. In an ideal world a paper should be replicated before acceptance and if that’s not possible, it should be published. That’s not happening either. I would argue that 3/4 accepted papers are not only not replicated through the review process but it’s also impossible to replicate them based on the info they have. And of course all of that cannot happen for free. No reviewer is gonna spend 3 weeks replicating my work for free.
And then we come to the numbers. It is not logical for a scientist that has been doing research a couple of years after their PhD to have 20-30 papers. Do they produce and test 2 new theories per month? I even know a person, who has been doing research for about 5 years and has 200 papers. 200 !!!!!! These numbers showcase that papers do not contain real science anymore.
I do it, you do it, we all do it because it the culture. AI is just a small part of this slippery slope on the degrade of scientific publications, and people are gonna use all the tools in their power for this.
I consider myself lucky that my PhD supervisor was quite old and even more old fashioned. He didn’t want me to do a paper until it was something to say. For 4 years I had only one conference presentation. I published my first journal paper 1 month before receiving my PhD. I got one of the biggest awards in my field, usually given to tenured professors of the best uni’s in the world, not a PhD student from a developing country. And why did all this happened? Because I spend 3 years on this question, going crazy until I figured it out.
In the next 2.5 years, my professor retired and I moved abroad, only to be told, oh you don’t have publications. So I changed that. Since then I have done almost 20 papers. No one really cares about their quality, nor about the fact that I have a major achievement under my belt which is higher quality than any of the others. They all are just “ohhhh how many papers and citations do you have???”.
Who cares?? My best paper has only 6 citations because it is in a super niche area, but it answers an 100 year old question. The rest contain a tenth or an one hundrendth of the time and energy invested, and some of them published in middle of the bunch journals feel like just little interesting projects, not hard science that is going to answer ground breaking questions. But they have fancier graphs, and are in catchier subjects, so hooray I guess…
This year I stopped doing papers altogether. Thankfully I am currently in a group where we are not focused in papers, but in actual science. My late 2023 to 2024 progress so far is a big patent (which I feel is more important) and writing a draft, to be completed in a few months, based on 1.5 years of work, containing real new science, going to hopefully Nature or Science. I don’t feel like machine gunning papers is the way to go.
From next September I am starting an AP position in a high ranked uni, I hope I wont have to do paper machine-gunning again just due to peer pressure.

I have a student who lost their mother to violence over a year ago. They are also LD.
I have another student who lost their dad to a heart attack about 2 months ago.
The first student doesn't try, doesn't ask for help, doesn't even put on answer on a worksheet. When I approach and say, hey, how.can I help you get started, they just suck their thumb (6th grade) and mumble, no thanks.
The other student missed about 2 weeks, came back and made all the work up and had an A. First student has an F bc they have turned in literally nothing.
I am torn. I totally get where first student is traumatized. As was 2nd student because there are multiple issues (health) with their remaining parent, whose health is on the decline rapidly.
For me, 1st student should be able to grieve, but understand that doing zero work does not help them. I have tried, guidance counselor has tried, and on site therapist has tried. 1st student just refuses.
Should I let 1st student fail for refusing help? I personally feel like if I just pass them, they'll get into that mindset that they'll be "successful" with zero effort, and the world is going to be a horrible place for them when they go out into it. Can't read. Can barely write, and gives zero effort. All o can think is homelessness, abusive relationships bc of financial needs...I know you get what I'm trying to say, so I'll leave it at that.
To clarify, have contacted Dad with concerns and he assures me he can take 1st student to the library to finish assignments. Student 1 has come back on Monday with no finished work. Talked to dad, he said he took student 1 to the library and put them on the computer (where my work is posted), but said they just wouldn't do anything.
Do I fail student 1? I've followed all the IEP requirements and have gone out of my way to assist them.
I'm really torn. Thanks, and please be kind.

I messed around with gimmicky metal bands in the 90s, and I have to admit that Danzig is still a go-to. Once I read the Church of Satan's charter, the music makes total sense. Satanism can't exist without Christianity because its charter is based, literally, on doing the exact opposite of what Christianity teaches, apparently. So, since I believe Constantine used Greek writers, due to their epic storytelling, to whip up a Greek Tragedy and unify his empire under its doctrine...or death...I kinda look at satanism as the tragedy's silly kid brother.
Anyway, I had a falling out with my Rabbi at Chabad over, well I believe he'd say halacha, but it was more about tradition. I've been a Jewish Ronin since. And because I studied Chabad chassidus every day, it's hard to break away from. However, Danzig to the rescue. This song put so much relevance on the situation as I now see it. I'm going to insert some words based on what I've learned, in the hopes this makes sense. The word "devil" needs to be replaced with HaShem, from Who all things great and horrifying emanate. It's in no way meant to demean G-d, moreso to put good/evil into a unified source.
"Hashem's Plaything"
Love is a flame Hashem's thing A violent storm About to be born Just look in these eyes See all the lies All these things you see You cannot deny
And this flame That burns inside If you get too close Burn you alive Just look in these eyes See if they lie All these words I speak You cannot deny
Got a Light Shines on me A gentle Light It will never be See the flame In my hands If you're playing with fire You're playing yourself (actual lyric 'you're playing in hell)
Hashem's Plaything in my hands If you don't want pain You don't understand Got a Light Shines on me If you wanna touch flames Then come unto me
Got a flame burns inside If you don't want to burn Just walk on by And the pain you're feeling now Is nothing compared To the pleasures I hide
Hashem's Plaything I'm my hands If you don't want pain You don't understand Got a Light Shines on me If you want to touch flames Come unto me
Got a flame In my hands If you don't want fire Step out of my Light Walk on by Just look away Because if you're on my path You're better of dead
Hashem's Plaything In my hands If you don't want pain You don't understand Got a Light Shines on me If you want to touch flames The come unto me
So, I write all this to say that chassidus, no matter the nusach, teaches that Torah was written in flames as HaShem spoke. Not the entire Torah, although the remnants of the His fire resonate with sparks and heat throughout the Torah. And when entranced with the words of praise and Torah are harnessed correctly, the body is set ablaze and fire comes from the tongue, and anguish becomes extacy.
It was a huge wakeup call when I went to 770. I didn't belong there at all. And then at the Rebbe's (may he rest in peace) Ohel, that was even more hardcore. It was like I could see the old men on fire, breathing everything they said out like spirits of heat illusions, like in the desert. There's levels to this practice that are so far beyond what my mind can rationalize. And I'm a quantum mechanics student! You'd think some abstraction wouldn't be that difficult.
Anyway, thanks, I hope y'all are holding up well. Imbalances are what cause the most pain, but that how balance is found. It's true, though, if you are on Hashem's path, living the life He asks of us, we're better off dead. Because when we die, we'll certainly be better than we were yesterday. And that's all He asks!

Aurors blasted their way into Umbridge's house and found her hiding in a small, hidden room by using the spell Homenum Revelio.
She was surrounded by dozens of plates featuring cats and had rows of neatly stacked tins of cat food, which she appeared to have been eating for sustenance. In the corner of the room was a litter box. Oddly enough, however, there were no actual cats to be found.
The Aurors quickly disarmed her, magically bound her, and hauled her off to the Ministry of Magic to be placed in a holding cell until she could be arraigned.
Two days later, she was brought before the Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shackelbolt, looking slightly unkempt and tired. The entire Wizengamot, which had been noticeably thinned out since Shacklebolt had removed several members for their own crimes and/or bribery, was also in attendance.
She looked around the room and tried to find somebody who could be either an ally or someone to whom she could shift the focus, and therefore, possibly, the blame. Finding no one to fit such a criteria, she fixed her face into a contrite image and looked around at the people who were there and pled for mercy. When it became apparent that mercy was in very short supply for those in her position, she immediately claimed to have been under the Imperius Curse.
In an instant, Minister Shacklebolt's composed disposition shifted from being reserved to completely unfriendly. In a short, clipped tone, completely opposite of his typical warm, soothing, deep voice, he gave her the option to either take Veritaserum right then and there or she could go for a psychological evaluation, which was to be conducted at the Janus Thicky Ward at St. Mungo's.
Umbridge balked at the thought of being stuck in "lunatic land". That was, of course, until the Minister mentioned that being stuck under the Imperius Curse for such a prolonged time, as she was claiming, could have some serious effects on her mind. She quickly decided to keep up her pretenses and immediately agreed that she should "at least be checked out by a professional healer."
Shacklebolt issued a two week recess for the Wizengamot in relation to her case. She began to argue the time frame when he gave her a sharp look and she furiously shut her mouth. He reiterated the two week time frame and continued on to say that when they reconvened, they would hear the Healer's testimony regarding her claims and mental status.
Two Aurors, Savage and Williamson, had taken post on either side of her. Savage held her by her left arm while Williamson pulled out a white handkerchief. He secured her right hand in his and then Savage took hold of the other end of the handkerchief. As soon as he did, the portkey activated and deposited the three of them into a secure room in the Janus Thickey Ward.
After a brief intake, Healer Ashborn entered the room to remove the newest resident's personal clothing and effects and to have her put on hospital issued clothes, which were a drab, dingy grey colour. Umbridge pinched the material between her forefinger and thumb before raising it up to eye level and informing the Healer that she refused to put on something so colorless and disgusting. Healer Ashborn donned a nonchalant smirk and informed her that if it was not done willingly and swiftly that she would have no other choice but to Evanesco her personal belongings to the hospital rubbish bin and charm the hospital clothes on with a sticking spell for good measure.
Less than 2 minutes later, she was dressed and being escorted by the Aurors to her bed, which was surrounded by silver framed dividers with pale blue cloth to block the view of the neighboring beds.
As the Aurors turned their attention to make some notes on their paperwork, Umbridge made a sickly sweet noise as she cleared her throat. "Hem-hem. Am I not being given a private room?" She let out a childish giggle.
The Aurors looked at her incredulously, then at each other. Finally, Auror Savage spoke up, "Private rooms are not given to possible war criminals."
Scowling, Umbridge scoffed loudly and said, "Well, I never! I will be writing a letter to the Minister of Magic about this."
Auror Williamson spoke up then, "You think we don't take our orders from the Minister regarding this? You writing a letter won't change anything."
"How dare you! I am Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister -"
"Not anymore, you're not " Auror Savage said coldly, effectively cutting her off. "You are a person on trial for war crimes and a provisional resident of the Janus Thicky Ward due to your claim of being cursed. Now, you have been magically bound to be within 5 feet of your bed, meals will be brought to you, and a member of the staff will escort you to the lavatory. You are not permitted to have a wand and that cuff on your wrist is a magic binder. Since we have completed our duties, we shall now take our leave. The Chief Healer will see you tomorrow morning. Good day, Ms. Umbridge."
She pointed a finger at them while trying to maintain her calm and hissed "Now see here. You cannot just leave me here with all these crazy people, especially while bound with no magic." Her right eye twitched.
Auror Williamson raised his eyebrow at her while he took out the white handkerchief. He held it out to his partner, and, after Savage had taken hold, he activated the portkey without saying another word and they disappeared.
Umbridge sat down onto the rather thin mattress and listened as the springs shrieked as though in agony.
Well, at least I'll be using a real toilet instead of that litterbox, she thought to herself. This will be like a nice vacation. I can order my favorite meals and have some nice wine while I relax.
At that moment, Gilderoy Lockhart popped his head around the partition. "Hello," he said with a big smile and in his shmooziest of voices. "I see you're new. Nice bracelet...." he trailed off for a moment. Coming back around, he added, "Don't mind the bed. They all shriek a bit. Well, not mine, of course. I just had to smile at it a couple of times, aheh. Now it sings to me."
She narrowed her eyes while feeling even more flustered than before. "Why are you here," she spat.
"What a stupendous question. Eh...," he started but clearly began to mentally wander again.
"Can't you manage a simple straight answer," she snapped.
"Well, you see... I simply can't remember." He let out a light chuckle and pulled his eyebrows slightly together while pasting on his best grin. Why not? After all, it worked for his bed.
"Yes, well, be sure to maintain your distance. I won't have you loitering about my space. Move along." She waved him off.
She promptly learned that her stay was going to be nothing like a vacation; no favorite meals, no wine, and certainly no relaxing.
As the days wore on, Lockhart managed to finagle his way into her area for most of the day - everyday. One day he was particularly on her nerves after having rambled on and on about a dream of a very large snake and falling rocks.
Umbridge, losing control of the situation with such an utter nitwit, suddenly burst out in her annoyance. "Enough, Mr. Lockhart!" Later that day, she ended up scratching herself nearly raw due to a mild case of hives.
As hard as she tried to keep her sanity about her, he just seemed to suck it away from her. It was almost as though the more insane she felt, the saner he seemed. Could it be that he had devised a way to steal her sanity and replace it with his insanity? She became more and more leery of him as the days went by until, at one point, a near frantic paranoia set in. She spent the rest of that day completely sedated.
She begged the staff to be moved, but Cheif Healer Pye said they could not due to the restrictions placed by the Auror Department. She ordered for Lockhart to be switched to a different location. In that instance, Healer Pye said that he would not as it could disrupt Mr. Lockhart's frame of mind and treatment, causing him to relapse. She pulled her hair, stomped her feet like a petulant child, and screamed until she was Silenced and magically bound to the bed to keep her from hurting herself.
At the end of the two weeks, Umbridge found herself magically shackled and standing in front of the Minister and the Wizengamot once more. The Chief Healer was also in attendance and reported to the court that while he found absolutely zero proof of her ever having been under the Imperius Curse, he felt it was best that she remained in custody whether at St. Mungo's or Azkaban, as she was a danger to herself and others due to her mental instability.
Umbridge let out a small giggle as the Cheif Healer finished speaking. Minister Shacklebolt turned his head back to face her, catching her smile before she could mask her face. He narrowed his eyes at her and asked if she had anything to say. She quickly donned her saccharine smile.
"Thank you, Minister. While it may be difficult for some people to understand all the hard work and pressure of working at the Ministry, I, for one, am ready to stay the task to get the job done. I shall be ready to resume my official post as Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic in two days time. Of course, I will need to completely redecorate my office as I'm certain that whomever has been occupying it has completely destroyed -"
"Madam." Shacklebolt had cut her off. He was done hearing her rubbish as she tried to take control of the situation. "You will not be reinstated in any sense to any position in the Ministry. You will, however, be able to enjoy your cell at the now dementor-free portion of Azkaban."
"How dare you!" Her fake smile and childish voice dropped away.
Any members of the Wizengamot who were not completely sure of her guilt nearly got whiplash with how fast she changed her demeanor. Many people began to whisper to each other about rumors they had heard that they now believed to be most likely true. She continued to glare at Shacklebolt.
"After everything I have done and sacrificed for the Ministry. After all the lying, magic-stealing mudbloods I sentenced for the sake of our world. How dare you think for one minute that you can just send me off to that dilapidated cesspool; that disgusting hell hole?!" She had began in a directed, hushed yell and finished in an irritated, huffing screech.
As the court witnessed her continued outburst, they whispered even more to each other. Shacklebolt patiently waited as she further unraveled while admitting to more crimes.
She finally cracked and shrieked out to the room. "Quit your whispering about me! I have done nothing but rid these disgusting mudbloods and blood traitors from among us! ORDER! Listen to me! I will have order!" She began pointing at different Wizengamot members who had opposed the corrupt Ministry while it was ran by Voldemort's puppets.
Having heard enough, Shacklebolt banged his gavel on the podium. The Wizengamot became completely silent as Umbridge continued to screech "I will have order! I will have order!"
Shacklebolt then picked up his wand and cast a Silencing charm in her direction. Umbridge's right eye twitched away as she continued screaming her Silenced "I will have order" chant.
The Minister looked to the Chief Healer and asked if Azkaban had a mental ward that was suitable for Ms. Umbridge. He responded to the affirmative. Umbridge was henceforth sentenced and taken to the mental ward of Azkaban.
Within a week, she had lost her privileges to use utensils, as she had used one to draw a rudimentary cat on her wall to which she was often observed speaking.
"Cordelia, you must bathe yourself. I refuse to have you in my presence whilst unkempt. I will have order." Her eyes glassed over and she stared at the wall without really seeing it as she continued to repeat, "I will have order. I will have order. I will... have......order."

Preamble: This is based on the Primarch GF’s AU created by u/Sweet_older-sister and will mainly cover what they’ve been doing after the heresy and during 40k.
Disclaimer: This current version is the “good” route so most will be somewhat happy/hopeful but will still be (mostly) canon compliant
What happened
After El’Lenore’s duel against Luther was over, the Brave Warrior aided the Dark Angels in subduing and capturing Luther and led the procession to inter their lover within the Rock. Once that was done, the Brave Warrior was entrusted with being the first warden of the Rock, overseeing the imprisoned Fallen captured after the fall of Caliban and personally guarding Luther’s cell. Several years later, after a conversation with the now mad Luther and the Watchers in The Dark, the warrior wrote down what was discussed onto a journal which was given to the then Supreme Grand Master of the Dark Angels before departing from the Rock to Holy Terra, before completely disappearing from all official Imperial records. However, during the 34th millennium there was an odd record written by an unknown Interrogator Chaplain of the Dark angels stating that the “Dark Oracle” (the now mad Luther) had repeatedly spoken of a warrior being trained by an old king fishing by the lake surrounded by four shadows.
After ten millennia of disappearance from all records, the Brave Warrior have suddenly reappeared beside the reawakened El’Lenore, acting as her second in command and right hand much like Luther once did before his betrayal while leading the redeemed fallen, now dubbed the Risen alongside Zabriel who acts as the Primarch’s emissary.
Fun Fact: After their reunion in the 41st millennium, the couple can sometimes be seen hunting monsters together on the planet Catachan. According to the Primarch El’Lenore she once mentioned that it reminded her of her childhood and that she considers it to be a “great place for a date” where she and her brave warrior could reconnect and relax together to make up for lost time.
Credits
u/Sweet_older-Sister for making the AU a reality
u/Duncan6795 for the “Brave Warrior” nickname for the SO
u/NadiaFortuneFeet for the female name of El’Lenore Johnson
This is my first time writing something like this, I hope you guys enjoy it and any feedback and criticism is welcome.
Moreover, depending on how well this does, there may be more about each of the Primarch’s SOs in the future.
Thank you for reading 😁🙏

Hey guys, Im a current junior and I had my math teacher send a letter of recommendation to a summer program I was applying to. He sent the program the letter, and he BCC'd me in it, which I never asked to so I'm not sure why he did i. I saw it and it was pretty good IMO. He said that's most likely the same one he'll use for my colleges and just put the college's name in it. Im curious what you guys think? Should I use it for college letters or go with a different teacher? Is it a good letter, is it Ivy League worthy or anything? Here it is (Sensitive info like my name is XXX out): To Whom It May Concern: I am writing in enthusiastic support of xxx for entrance into the XXXX Program. XXX has a natural curiosity for all things, though her focus is most often centered in the STEM field. Her dedication to her studies and willingness to take on new challenges will allow her to thrive in the intensive environment that your program provides. XXX was originally a student in my freshman geometry class at the college prep level, but she very quickly showed enough promise that I waived her up to the accelerated level. I was sad to lose a student who was clearly very willing to participate, but we both agreed that it would be the best course of action for her ongoing math education. XXX did join the chess club during her freshman year, for which I am the advisor, so I was thankfully still able to follow her progress and hear her share how proud she was of the work she was doing. XXX has remained in accelerated math throughout high school, which allowed her to take my accelerated precalculus class starting this fall. Even in the higher-level course, XXX remains one of the most active participants in class discussion. She will often ask questions that probe further in-depth than the examples that we have covered, usually resulting in her independently coming to the realization that I’ve been building towards introducing to the class. Our course will cover some calculus material by the end of the year, but that has not stopped XXX from staying after school to ask questions about topics that she will encounter in AP Calculus next year. She has already expressed interest in the idea of derivatives, asking for explanations regarding instantaneous rate of change and its applications in the real world. Outside of the math classroom, XXX is the definition of a model student. Her grades in every class are stellar, even those that are not part of the STEM field, and she is an active participant in several extracurricular activities both in and out of school. She is never seen without a smile on her face and a positive attitude. These qualities all contributed to XXX being named Student of the Month last year, and she has received nominations this year as well. I cannot recommend XXX highly enough for selection to the XXX program. In XXX, the program would be gaining an insightful, curious and open-minded young woman who thrives when presented with a challenge. Her demeanor and affect allow her to develop easy friendships and seamlessly collaborate with anyone around her. She will be an asset to XXX. and to those lucky enough to work with her over the six weeks of the program.

Hello.. new to the group. Sorry about the upcoming novel I'm about to write and thank you in advance to anyone who reads the whole thing..
So.. it's for June 7th. The waiting list was over 2 years so I could've sworn they forgot about me. Got the call at the end of November '23 asking if I still wanted to take the test.. and today the call to schedule it.
I'm an emetophobe and I'm scared of the prep. I'm also extremely anxious about the results that will come after.
What prompted me to get a test was I had rectal bleeding for about.. 6 to 9 months straight daily. I even farted blood.. all red. No pain or any other symptoms. It eventually went away and never came back. When I was hospitalized for a different issue, I asked a doctor about it to which she just replied it was hemorrhoids. Which.. I dunno. It had been going on for like 6 months by that point. So I reluctantly went to see my GP and was put on the waiting list.
So now here we are.
I'm so.. particular about what I put in my stomach. I have an issue with textures and I worry about failing to do the prep. But because of the bleeding, and its been years since that, I really need to get this done. I'm not scared of the exam itself as we usually get sedated.. just the prep and results itself.
I'm hoping that it's just diverticulosis..? As my mother has it rampant in her system and my sister once had diverticulitis so I'm guessing I might have it as well. But.. they never bled like I did. And I'm terrified as to what's going on with me. I already have a lot of health issues so I tend to be a hypochondriac. The unknown is terrifying.
And the prep.. I've been trying not to have panic and anxiety attacks just thinking about it.
What would you say is the easiest prep for someone like me? Who has an issue with textures and whatnot. Maybe even flavoring. I'm a massively picky eater so I never do well with trying new things. Do you have any suggestions?
Another random question is.. has anyone here had prolonged rectal bleeding and not have pre-cancerous polyps? Something.. anything to give me some kind of hope that it could be something else.
Thankfully, other than IBS-D and abnormal bowel issues, I don't have any other notable issues. And no weight loss that one associates with cancer. But.. colon cancer is a slow cancer so.. doesn't mean I'm quite off the hook.
Anyway.. I'm rambling. Does anyone have any advice for me? Experiences? Words of wisdom or encouragement? That maybe someone had rectal bleeding and were okay..? Which prep is easiest to take..?
My brain is all over the place, how insanely anxious I am. Doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well lately.
Thank you for any and all contributions you may have.. I truly appreciate it.
Edit: Fixing grammar mistakes.

Did I just miss the signs? Or is this a temporary problem?
I met my wife (Natalie) 8 years ago via dating app. Our courtship was pretty straightforward and I really liked that about her. We communicated well, liked doing some of the same things, and were both comfortable going out of our comfort zones with each other.
This is something I’ve always admired about her, but in recent years—or, really, since we got married—that hasn’t been reserved for me.
Our relationship was very easy to start with. We were doing small things to acknowledge each other. We paid attention to what each other wanted. We often wanted to do the same things and we left a lot of space for each other to have fun with our friends.
The sex has never been great. There were a few times where it was good, but it was mostly pedestrian or outright bad. This was the first time I’d ever experienced anything like this. But it wasn’t a big deal to me at first.
We shared very similar dreams of wanting to get married, having a family, living on the west coast (of the US), and having a life partner to share a life with.
Natalie was also an incredibly considerate girlfriend for a large chunk of our dating life. When I lost my job, she took her lunch break to buy lunch for me at my favorite sandwich spot and dropped it off at my apartment personally. Little things like this made me feel cared for. She wasn’t very good with money, but I was, and I figured we could balance a budget together.
As we got engaged, I was very happy. Sex is a part of a relationship, but it’s not the most important part, I thought. We were having sex once a month at this point. This was doable for me. I have a much higher sex drive than this, but I was happy, and my happiness was more important than sex.
Things got a little weird after we got married though. Suddenly she was much harder to please. Her wedding was her vision. I know very little about weddings, so I was fine with this, but when it came time to choose a song, she didn’t listen to me and picked out a song I didn’t like. She was stressing a lot more about the day than getting married to me. I felt like I was just a guy who could’ve been anybody.
She also began putting me down to coworkers on occasion (which I told her wasn’t ok and she … eventually … stopped). She started having a much harder time at work and when that started, she became more critical of things I did. Then she began being critical of everything. We were having sex maybe once every two months and I was doing the initiating. She began to say stuff that was kind of insulting or a huge turnoff during sex—one particular instance, I thought things were going well, but she asked 7-10 minutes in “when are you going to be done” while I was doing all the work. I tried to have a few earnest talks about it and said “my goal is for both of us to have fun and I’m willing to be more adventurous and do whatever you want to do.” This resulted in her saying “ok,” and then nothing came of it.
But we still shared our goals. We got a house together and started planning for a family.
We got pregnant on the first try.
We had our first child just before the pandemic, which turned out to be pretty damn challenging, but we worked together really well throughout all of it. We were a great team, taking care of the baby and working remotely and doing small things for each other.
We took basically a year off from sex after our first child was born, which I was totally fine with, and I wanted her to feel like she could initiate with me. I tried to make myself as available as possible to her and keep the channels of communication open. I emphasized how important it was for me that she wanted to have sex. When she was ready, she initiated, and we began trying for a second kid (this time we had sex 2 times before getting pregnant).
We had our second child in August 2022 and this is when things started going downhill. The birth was really difficult for her physically. She lost quite a bit of blood.
(Small aside, I had saved enough money for us to get a new car. Her work didn’t pay enough coverage for maternity leave so I said we can either have a new car or you can have a longer maternity leave. Although she kept arguing with me that she wanted both, she relented eventually and chose the longer maternity leave).
The first month was rough. She was unhappy the entire time. It was clear she developed post partum. I was trying to take care of both kids and her emotional needs, but it clearly wasn’t enough. I asked and then later begged her to go to therapy and she refused for several months (I’ve been in therapy for years, fwiw). We got into fights nightly, initiated by her, about things that clearly didn’t matter in the long run—fights about stacking the dishwasher, about how I wasn’t doing enough (I was taking our first born and then our second born to daycare every day, I was doing the dishes and taking out the trash regularly, I was playing with our kids all the time, i was offering to ease whatever load she felt was unbearable). She complained I was on my phone too much and not present when the kids were having independent play time. The last one was annoying, but I agreed to put my phone away more. I tried my best to keep the peace in this time. (Also, if it isn’t obvious enough, we weren’t having sex).
I began walking on eggshells. I tried to remain focused on us trying to get along. It seemed like she was trying harder to fight. There were multiple fights where I brought up an issue as gently as possible and she talked for an hour about some issue she was having with me until I apologized. When I did, she would say thank you and the fight would be over. One time, she recognized the initial thing I brought up and said sorry about that after two hours of talking in circles, but only after I apologized for something first.
I grew very tired of this but tried to keep my head up and told myself this was a temporary problem.
At some point in here, we had a fight that was so brutal, I had a panic attack. I’d never had one before in my life. It felt like all of the frustration and sadness she felt was directed at me in anger and that was the only way she could express it. I can’t tell you how devastating this was. I felt completely trapped. I felt like there was no winning in our relationship for me and that I have to put her feelings first if I want to be happy every once in a while.
Out of the blue, she went to a therapist for a session. (This was seven months after the birth of our second child.) i was relieved and thought this was the start of us getting better.
The next month was good: we were communicating well, we weren’t having sex, but we had a good family dynamic. She wasn’t blaming me for things. This I could live with
Eventually, we got into a fight. It was somewhere toward the end of the month. It wasn’t a terrible one, but it was bad. I went to my therapy session that night and talked to my therapist about how I didn’t realize we hadn’t had a fight in a month. I was strangely happy about it when I realized that. I went home to tell her how nice it was to realize she and I were getting along so well and that therapy seemed to be helping her. Then she got indignant. She said that she’s always been like this and I just haven’t noticed.
I was confused on why we were fighting all of a sudden and she dropped a pretty big bomb on me: she hadn’t been in therapy for a month. She went for one session and stopped.
I had my second ever panic attack right then and there. She said she would go back to therapy only if it was couples.
I cannot emphasize enough how “I just hadn’t noticed” wasn’t the case. I like to give her credit as much as I can. I regularly give her words of affirmation, let her know I love her, buy her flowers on bad days, etc. I’m not saying I’m a perfect partner, but I try to please her as much as I can. I’m a pretty astute observer too. It was like she was living in a different reality.
She began joking, around this time, of having a third kid. I said absolutely not. I had always wanted 3 but I wasn’t willing to go through this again. I asked her to stop joking about it because I was serious. I said things need to get better before I can even think of saying yes to that idea.
(I think maybe her mom talked to her at some point here because she joked like that in front of her mom and I said absolutely not and the joking abruptly stopped.)
The fighting continued. The different realities continued.
As our youngest turned 1, I was unsure why I was in this relationship at all. I had contemplated divorce and even brought it up because I was so tired of all the fighting. This wasn’t the relationship we had dreamed of.
Shortly after our youngest’s first birthday, we got the chance to go on a weekend trip just the two of us, no kids. We took it. It was expensive because that’s what she wanted. We did a whole spa day, at my suggestion. We had nice dinners. We had sex once on that trip. It was fine, but it felt like she wasn’t into it, which, I realized while writing this all out, is how it’s always been. Maybe she’s just never been that into me. Maybe she’s in her own world most of the time and I’m some attaché.
The fighting began cooling off the last few months. She’s still very critical and judgmental. She’s started fewer fights, however. Things were going well until earlier today.
Two weeks ago, she had a week-and-a-half long trip planned with her friends to Palm Springs. When she first asked, I said that’d be asking a lot, but I’m happy to support her if she needs it. She went on that trip and spent nearly our entire tax refund ($3000) on it.
As it stands, our youngest is almost two and our oldest is 4. They’re both wonderful children and I love them very much.
They were a bit of a handful while she was gone. Our kids tend to act out a bit when one of us goes on vacation. This was the case. As I tried to let our children know mama would be back, they struggled with regulating their emotions. She’s taken trips like this in the past and they did the same thing. Usually in those cases though, I’ll make sure I have a weekend trip lined up for me. I don’t have one planned any time soon. I’m too drained to think about it and we have no money.
Then, yesterday, on Mother’s Day, she told me she expects me to take the kids out of the house while she gets to do whatever she wants (which, that’s fair, but I was clearly sick and still recovering from the week and a half she was gone). This was after I had bought her flowers, a gift, and taken her out to dinner the night before for a date night. She spent all of Mother’s Day gardening and didn’t interact with our kids until about an hour before bedtime.
What kept me in the relationship for a long time was that, in spite of the not great sex, we were a great team and we communicated well and my other needs were met. Now it feels like we’re not even a team anymore and I’m the bag man.
I’m really struggling to figure out a few things.

1. What the hell happened?
2. I understand there may be some identity issues—about being a mother and wanting it or not wanting it—as well as just being overwhelmed. But why wasn’t that the case after our first child?
3. Not having sex has stunk and would’ve at least helped in this awful time. Why does she not want to have sex with me?
4. What am I doing in this relationship still?

Does anyone have any idea what’s going on?
TLDR: my wife and I have always gotten along personality-wise (and not sex-wise), but since the birth of our second child 2 years ago, her personality has become a lot more self-interested and ive maybe become too accommodating. Has it always been like this? I’m struggling to understand why I’m in this relationship now.

Decant Reviews Part II: The Revenge! This batch came to me from the most excellent u/Hype_Moments, who thoughtfully reached out to me to inform me of his services after I expressed dismay at my inability to obtain samples directly from Montagne. The decants arrived promptly and packaged securely enough to withstand a nuclear blast! I also appreciate the attention to detail when it comes to labeling: matching Montagne's font and including the notes makes the sampling process feel very deluxe. Great experience, would order again!
On to the fragrances. Unless stated otherwise, I have not smelled the inspiration fragrances, so I am judging these on their own merit. For your reference, I typically prefer unisex fragrances, but I decided to roll the dice and included three feminine scents this time. I'm 29, and I work in both office and classroom environments. Let's get into it!
Eau Vanille: This one is not for everyone, but it's definitely for me. The rich, deep vanilla combined with the guiac wood and incense smells like going to mass at a grand Cathedral. Sophisticated, solemn, mysterious. I imagine that Notre Dame smells like this on Good Friday. Honestly, it kind of reminds me of my confirmation. I swear, the oil the bishop puts on your (greasy, 13-year-old) forehead smells a lot like this. That said, I love this because it reminds me of a positive moment in my faith formation, but it may evoke complex or negative reactions in others. The incense calms down after a couple of hours, which allows the vanilla to shine. Definitely not too sweet, and reads straightforwardly unisex to me. If you're a vanilla-lover looking for something a bit different with some oomph, this could be for you. Maybe not the best choice for the heat of summer, but I will be looking to purchase the full bottle come autumn. Would wear to my arch-rival's funeral.
Strawberry Milk: The wildcard of the bunch. I did not think I was going to like this because I thought it was going to be extremely juvenile and sickly sweet. I ordered it out of pure curiosity after hearing about the ungodly sums folks were shelling out to get their hands on a bottle. While it's definitely a sweet gourmand, it's not syrupy sweet. It's kind of fruity and powdery and just a bit herbal. There's something in here that comes off a little minty to my nose, which is baffling considering the notes. I'm not getting anything particularly strawberry-like, though. Maybe a hint of something lactonic, like malted milk powder, and a burnt-sugar note that could be caramel. Very wearable if you like sweet scents. Not obtrusive, kind of like if you gave a your-skin-but-better scent some moxie. Certainly not your typical celebrity scent. I could see a lot of women liking this. The longevity wasn't the best on this one, though: I think I got about four hours out of it. I'm not personally in love with it, but I'm glad I tried it.
Pink Rose Exclusif: Good Lord, y'all. This THE hot girl perfume. The most attractive woman you can think of probably wears this. It's a really beautiful, sweet, creamy, powdery rose wrapped in a veil of incense and supported by vanilla and woody notes in the base. There's some fruitiness in there too, particularly in the opening. Despite the powderiness and incense, it's quite edible smelling; like a fruity sponge cake that's also drenched in rose syrup, served immediately after the Confirmation service (callback!). I recognize this scent because I have encountered it in the wild on women wearing Delina Exclusif or its dupes, and it definitely... affects me, shall we say. This will turn heads for sure. It also lasts forever with excellent projection. I put on 3 sprays, wore it all day, went to sleep, and then my pillow and sheets smelled like Pink Rose Exclusif for DAYS, just from coming into contact with my arm. You absolutely do not need much of this. As much as I love it, I'm on the fence about whether to buy it, because I'm not sure how often I would actually wear it. It's a little more femme than my personal style usually calls for, imo. Plus, I'm not sure I want all the attention this would garner. That said, it's a 10/10 frag, I'd go for it today if I were single and ready to mingle. UPDATE: After writing this review, I got the opportunity to test the OG in-store, and I can confirm that this is a 1 to 1 dupe. I don't detect any difference whatsoever. Nice work, Montagne!
Pink Rose: This one humbled me. I had already tried the Exclusif version, and figured this was the more wearable, daytime version. I did my normal application (1 spray each on wrists & inner elbows, 2 sprays on the neck, 1 on the front of my shirt) and then headed to the office. When my coworker told me I smelled good from 6 feet away, I knew I had overdone it. I was smelling this all day long, from the 8:30 AM application until bed time. And not just little whiffs here and there, I'm talking constant presence in my olfactory organ. A little distracting, if I'm honest. Luckily, it's a beautiful fragrance. Florals are hit or miss for me, but I have a soft spot for rose. Whereas the Exclusif smells like rose dessert, this smells like a living rose growing fresh and vibrant in the garden. The litchi and rhubarb bring in a little sharpness, and there's a green accord in there that's really refreshing. This is rose done in a modern, interesting way, and I dig it. Feminine, but in a way that feels manageable for my typical presentation. Despite my initial blunder, I do think it's more every-day wearable than its sister as long as you are conservative with your application. Will buy for sure, and probably sooner rather than later.
Carnal Gray Extrait: In a word: exquisite. This smells like being wealthy, well-traveled, and the hottest person at the function. Charisma in a bottle. Effortlessly sexy without being provocative. It's well blended, but not linear. We start with a spicy, herbaceous opening; you get the cardamom right away, with some sweet green undertones. Then, a beautiful dry down. It becomes more powdery with a bit sweetness thanks to iris, tonka, and vanilla. The woodiness from cedar and sandalwood and earthiness from vetiver and patchouli keep it from going gourmand, and the result is something deep, dark, and complex. Perfect for special occasions where you want to dress to impress, this would be the ultimate companion to a well-tailored suit or a fancy cocktail dress. Apparently folks are somewhat divided on whether Gris Charnel Extrait leans feminine or masculine, but to me, CGE is perfectly unisex. Great performance; three sprays lasts me all day with moderate projection. This is my favorite fragrance from Montagne so far, and in the running for my favorite fragrance of all time. It's probably not the best choice for the hot, humid summer that's coming my way, but I don't even care, this is going to the top of the queue. 12/10, I am writing in my will that I want this sprayed on me before I go in the casket.
Brooklyn Jazz: At last, a fragrance that I can compare to its inspiration! I have smelled and fallen in love with Maison Margiela's Jazz Club, and was super excited to see how the wallet-friendly version from Montagne stacks up. Indeed, it's a very close match. We have a nice peppery opening that gives way to boozy, rum tobacco heaven. It's not in the notes, but this definitely comes off leathery to my nose. It smells like sitting in a leather armchair, sipping on dark liquor, and smoking... some kind of tobacco product. I want to say a pipe rather than a cigar, but neither is my vice of choice, so I can't be sure. Either way, old school badass. Think Ron Swanson in Duke Silver mode. If anything, there is perhaps more of an herbal accord here that I didn't notice in Jazz Club, but that could be due to the translation from EDT to EDP. Masculine leaning, but still suitable for ladies who appreciate smokey scents. Altogether, a lovely warm and cozy scent. Decent longevity, but the projection could be better (maybe needs maceration). I do like it, but I'm more motivated to get my hands on Carnal Gray Extrait and Eau Vanille, both of which are certainly different, but occupy a similar region of the fragrance family tree. I may pick it up after I make it through the summer.
Thanks for reading my reviews! And special thank-yous to both u/Hype-Moments and u/AyybrahamLmaocoln for supplying this community with decants and saving us from the anxiety of blind-buying. Let me know if you have any recommendations for my next decant order, particularly more masculine scents that are good for summer; I want my collection to have a little of everything. What do y'all think of Afternoon Dive and Torino 2021? That's all, over and out.

Hey guys, I had my math teacher send a letter of recommendation to a summer program I was applying to. He sent the program the letter, and he BCC'd me in it. I saw it and it was pretty good IMO. He said that's most likely the same one he'll use for my colleges and just put the college's name in it. Im curious what you guys think? Should I use it for college letters or go with a different teacher? Is it a good letter, is it Ivy League worthy or anything? Edit: Im a junior rn
Here it is (Sensitive info like my name is XXX out):
To Whom It May Concern: I am writing in enthusiastic support of xxx for entrance into the XXXX Program. XXX has a natural curiosity for all things, though her focus is most often centered in the STEM field. Her dedication to her studies and willingness to take on new challenges will allow her to thrive in the intensive environment that your program provides. XXX was originally a student in my freshman geometry class at the college prep level, but she very quickly showed enough promise that I waived her up to the accelerated level. I was sad to lose a student who was clearly very willing to participate, but we both agreed that it would be the best course of action for her ongoing math education. XXX did join the chess club during her freshman year, for which I am the advisor, so I was thankfully still able to follow her progress and hear her share how proud she was of the work she was doing. XXX has remained in accelerated math throughout high school, which allowed her to take my accelerated precalculus class starting this fall. Even in the higher-level course, XXX remains one of the most active participants in class discussion. She will often ask questions that probe further in-depth than the examples that we have covered, usually resulting in her independently coming to the realization that I’ve been building towards introducing to the class. Our course will cover some calculus material by the end of the year, but that has not stopped XXX from staying after school to ask questions about topics that she will encounter in AP Calculus next year. She has already expressed interest in the idea of derivatives, asking for explanations regarding instantaneous rate of change and its applications in the real world. Outside of the math classroom, XXX is the definition of a model student. Her grades in every class are stellar, even those that are not part of the STEM field, and she is an active participant in several extracurricular activities both in and out of school. She is never seen without a smile on her face and a positive attitude. These qualities all contributed to XXX being named Student of the Month last year, and she has received nominations this year as well. I cannot recommend XXX highly enough for selection to the XXX program. In XXX, the program would be gaining an insightful, curious and open-minded young woman who thrives when presented with a challenge. Her demeanor and affect allow her to develop easy friendships and seamlessly collaborate with anyone around her. She will be an asset to XXX. and to those lucky enough to work with her over the six weeks of the program.

Yet another long noob career advice post, sorry in advance. Any help is graciously appreciated.
Context
I got my undergrad degree last year with a double-major in history and computer science. I’m now working full-time as a software engineer and it’s a pretty good gig, but I don’t think it’s the right career for me in the long run. I really miss using the critical thinking, investigative, and storytelling skills I used for the history part of my degree.
I think my ideal fit would be some flavor of using technology to do journalism and/or doing journalism about technology, as a way to blend both skill sets I’ve developed. I just need to figure out how to start bending my career path in that direction.
Deeper background (skip if desired)
I only started thinking about this path during my senior year so didn’t have time to develop a portfolio for the school newspaper or anything like that. I did publish one op-ed in the school paper junior year that had some bearing on this technical beat, but I also recognize the difference between opinion and journalism, so I’m not sure how much that’s worth.
For my senior thesis I wrote about the history of the commodification of personal data (basically a deeper look at how we developed an economy where your information is worth money to Facebook, Google, etc) which gets at that space of covering technology and society. I’m really proud of it and it got summa cum laude honors, but it’s not published anywhere.
I also got another history paper published in an undergrad history journal which isn’t super relevant but hopefully at least shows that I can write and go through an editing process.
It seems like the value journalism grad school is fairly divisive. That’s an option I’m considering for a couple years down the road, but would also appreciate any advice relevant to my situation that would help set me up for success there (both in admissions and then actually getting it done).
The ask
The advice I’ve seen very often on here is to build up clips, which makes sense. But how do I start that from zero? I don’t imagine I’ll have much luck pitching freelance stories without some portfolio to back them up, so it feels rather chicken-and-egg. I could start a blog or something like that, but it again feels like it might be tough to get sources to take me seriously without a real “name” backing me. Any advice or insight here?
Then there’s also the fact that with no journalism training I don’t really know what I’m doing, and I’m concerned that putting out bad work, even unintentionally, will put me in an even worse situation than having no work. How can I mitigate this concern?
Lastly, I’m also concerned about my pace of output. With my actual job and other commitments, I don’t think I’ll be able to put out more than one piece a month, if even that. These would hopefully be more substantial articles rather than short-form breaking news sort of stuff. How much would slow/sporadic output matter if I’m doing this as a side project?
Thanks in advance for any help you can offer!