i was touched (basically molested) by another student when i was 8, everyone shakes it the fuck off, even though it was years and years ago, i cant even remember his face or name anymore, all that remains is the leech that eats at my very spirit.
i stay up until 2 am, lose my sanity and attempt to make myself pass out by attempting to hit my head on the floor many times, attempt to bleed my knuckles so i can pass out from the pain for 2 staight hours, and sleep, realizing i have failed to find peace.
another memory that i still remember vividly ive grabbed a pencil and attempted to gouge my eye out in the middle of class, i was stopped by other students but the teachers or anyone else like the students did not care, they just resumed teaching the class, no one checked up on me or asked me about my well being and people tell me its MY FUCKING FAULT? ITS MY FAULT? i hope they all suffer the way i did, and they called me a narc and a attention seeker for attempting suicide in the middle of math class.
its just hell.
i just wanna jump out of my yard fence that leads into a forest and have nature eat me alive and give me a painful yet blissful death.
my parents tell me to get over the incident, which i agree because it was years and years ago.
but its just hard to shake off, its like it still lives there even though i don't want it to.
i vented to a "friend" who threw me under the bus and told me to kill myself.
to do this day, the words "kill yourself" still live in my mind.
i wish to kill myself, yet suicide in forbidden in my religion because i am muslim.
i still seethe to these people who have wronged me (not family) and i send curses to those who have fucked up my mind and soul.
i cannot function properly anyone, i just melt down doing some of the most simplest things.

I just turned 22 this year. Don’t know how or why I’ve made it this far in life. I’ve been miserable since I was born. My dad abused me physically, emotionally my mother abused and manipulated me emotionally and spiritually. I have never known peace ever. Sexually assaulted and molested by boys in the 1st grade cousins and my mom’s ex fiancé, constantly bullied or not liked in school every year until I graduated and gained an ED in middle school causing me to gain so much weight and not knowing what to do. Then developed HS which is a skin condition when I was 13 after my body hit a high stress point and puberty so I live in pain every single day. Graduated in 2020 so I lost my prom, senior trip, so many things. Dropped out of college due to depression and truly didn’t know what to do. I have tried to kill myself now 6 times and every single time I feel more miserable and more helpless. I’m homeless haven’t eaten in I don’t know how long at this point and I’ve been in an endless cycle of this since I was 19.
My parents won’t let me back home due to religious differences and mainly because my stepdad doesn’t want me to. My dad died in 2015 when I was 13 and that has really changed so much in my life including my emotional regulation. I developed bpd and my dad was bipolar. Now I struggle with taking shit lightly or even being able to calm down in a frantic state. I’ve cut off and fucked up every relationship I had or I was just tossed out because they didn’t like me. I don’t feel worthy of living anymore because I’m 22 and have nothing to show for it.
I’m actively watching as my middle school bullies aka the girls who ruined my life, have amazing lives and opportunities. Modeling, clothing lines, and even going to great schools. I don’t have anything or anyone but the bitches who made my life a literal living hell have everything they want. There was a time when my mom was still engaged to the man who molested me, I went to school he had given me money for snacks. Well I didn’t get any and planned on stopping for some while I walked home that day. I got on the bus and sat alone as always put my headphones in played my music. Well the girls who always bothered me on the bus started acting strangely kind saying they liked my purse. It was a $5 purse from the thrift store. They asked if they could see it and my dumbass gave it to them no questions asked. Well as I was walking home I dug through my purse to get the money so I could get snacks upon realizing it wasn’t there I freaked out and cried the whole way home. He had specifically told me to bring him back whatever change. When I was in middle school all my siblings were in different schools so I was always home first. He always got off work 10 mins after I got home. I went upstairs to change and still was upset and kinda in shock from what I felt would happen. Well, he came home drunk as he always did after work and came right upstairs asking for the change. I started crying and saying don’t walk in I’m naked because I was still changing he walked in anyway I said they stole the money and this man beat me with his belt while I was naked. 12 years old. Proceed to rub me and kiss me and told me to get dressed and stand downstairs with my arms held up as a punishment. Every day of my life was even more miserable after that and those same girls are living amazing or better than me in general.
I’ve been beat up by men and boys my whole life I’m worthless and not worthy of any love. That’s why I was born. To show people what they don’t want to be. I don’t feel I was born for any other purpose than to be people emotional and physical punching bag. I have an alcohol and weed problem now. I have issues with over indulging in giving people stuff. A man owes me 1400 and hasn’t given it to me and I gave him that when I was on my last and took it out of my savings. Now I’m homeless no house no car no nothing because of him. I’ve been trying to take responsibility for my life but it’s the little things that’s broke me and led up to this. I’m aware people have been through worse which makes this 10x more pathetic. I now struggle with borderline personality disorder, manic depression, anxiety, and PTSD.I think I’ll really just go ahead and end it.

Mum is refusing to travel to vet with me unless my dad (who I have not had contact with for 10 years ) comes along . I do not want my dad near my parrot , as he was neglectful to this bird and other pets in the past . My dad also has a drink problem and I have a feeling once we get to the village he’s going to want us all to go in pub (and I can not bring my parrot in this pub) as he is old and the stressful environment of a pub could give him a heart attack .
The vet is in another town which is 2 hours away on bus . I can not go to places by myself due to Asperger’s syndrome which is why I wanted to go with my mum she is blackmailing me saying she won’t come unless my dad (who has previously molested me which she refuses to believe ) comes . I have even offered to pay for her bus fair but she still won’t come .
Since I am paying for the parrots vet bills I thought the least she could do was come with but what do I expect from a parent that doesn’t believe their own daughter about sexual abuse ?
I have no friends in real life so I have absolutely no one to go with . Normally I’m dependent on my mum but she’s being awkward and black mailing me right now . I need to take my parrot to the vets for his nails to be trimmed (something he desperately needs done now cuz my mum has neglected it for years ) and also for a general check up because his posture has changed and he’s an old bird . I really want to take him but I just can not travel on my own I get bad panic attacks and can get in bad confrontations with drivers if they’re rude to me and then I’m chucked off the bus . I need someone with me what can I do
I have just completely lost my temper I have called my mum every name under the sun she is absolutely self centred to the core and what’s funny is she said everything has to be on my terms . This is your fucking pet parrot , which you refuse to pay for so I’m happily stepping in and when I need you to JUSTTT come with me you blackmail me saying unless said abusive person comes you won’t go . I hate this fucking cxnt my meltdown is so bad right now I am crying and so angry my poor parrot

Mum is refusing to travel to vet with me unless my dad (who I have not had contact with for 10 years ) comes along . I do not want my dad near my parrot , as he was neglectful to this bird and other pets in the past . My dad also has a drink problem and I have a feeling once we get to the village he’s going to want us all to go in pub (and I can not bring my parrot in this pub) as he is old and the stressful environment of a pub could give him a heart attack .
The vet is in another town which is 2 hours away on bus . I can not go to places by myself due to Asperger’s syndrome which is why I wanted to go with my mum she is blackmailing me saying she won’t come unless my dad (who has previously molested me which she refuses to believe ) comes . I have even offered to pay for her bus fair but she still won’t come .
Since I am paying for the parrots vet bills I thought the least she could do was come with but what do I expect from a parent that doesn’t believe their own daughter about sexual abuse ?
I have no friends in real life so I have absolutely no one to go with . Normally I’m dependent on my mum but she’s being awkward and black mailing me right now . I need to take my parrot to the vets for his nails to be trimmed (something he desperately needs done now cuz my mum has neglected it for years ) and also for a general check up because his posture has changed and he’s an old bird . I really want to take him but I just can not travel on my own I get bad panic attacks and can get in bad confrontations with drivers if they’re rude to me and then I’m chucked off the bus . I need someone with me what can I do
I have just completely lost my temper I have called my mum every name under the sun she is absolutely self centred to the core and what’s funny is she said everything has to be on my terms . This is your fucking pet parrot , which you refuse to pay for so I’m happily stepping in and when I need you to JUSTTT come with me you blackmail me saying unless and abusive person comes you won’t go . I hate this fucking cxnt my meltdown is so bad right now I am crying and so angry my poor parrot

Mum is refusing to travel to vet with me unless my dad (who I have not had contact with for 10 years ) comes along . I do not want my dad near my parrot , as he was neglectful to this bird and other pets in the past . My dad also has a drink problem and I have a feeling once we get to the village he’s going to want us all to go in pub (and I can not bring my parrot in this pub) as he is old and the stressful environment of a pub could give him a heart attack .
The vet is in another town which is 2 hours away on bus . I can not go to places by myself due to Asperger’s syndrome which is why I wanted to go with my mum she is blackmailing me saying she won’t come unless my dad (who has previously molested me which she refuses to believe ) comes . I have even offered to pay for her bus fair but she still won’t come .
Since I am paying for the parrots vet bills I thought the least she could do was come with but what do I expect from a parent that doesn’t believe their own daughter about sexual abuse ?
I have no friends in real life so I have absolutely no one to go with . Normally I’m dependent on my mum but she’s being awkward and black mailing me right now . I need to take my parrot to the vets for his nails to be trimmed (something he desperately needs done now cuz my mum has neglected it for years ) and also for a general check up because his posture has changed and he’s an old bird . I really want to take him but I just can not travel on my own I get bad panic attacks and can get in bad confrontations with drivers if they’re rude to me and then I’m chucked off the bus . I need someone with me what can I do

I just turned 22 this year. Don’t know how or why I’ve made it this far in life. I’ve been miserable since I was born. My dad abused me physically, emotionally my mother abused and manipulated me emotionally and spiritually. I have never known peace ever. Sexually assaulted and molested by boys in the 1st grade cousins and my mom’s ex fiancé, constantly bullied or not liked in school every year until I graduated and gained an ED in middle school causing me to gain so much weight and not knowing what to do. Then developed HS which is a skin condition when I was 13 after my body hit a high stress point and puberty so I live in pain every single day. Graduated in 2020 so I lost my prom, senior trip, so many things. Dropped out of college due to depression and truly didn’t know what to do. I have tried to kill myself now 6 times and every single time I feel more miserable and more helpless. I’m homeless haven’t eaten in I don’t know how long at this point and I’ve been in an endless cycle of this since I was 19.
My parents won’t let me back home due to religious differences and mainly because my stepdad doesn’t want me to. My dad died in 2015 when I was 13 and that has really changed so much in my life including my emotional regulation. I developed bpd and my dad was bipolar. Now I struggle with taking shit lightly or even being able to calm down in a frantic state. I’ve cut off and fucked up every relationship I had or I was just tossed out because they didn’t like me. I don’t feel worthy of living anymore because I’m 22 and have nothing to show for it.
I’m actively watching as my middle school bullies aka the girls who ruined my life, have amazing lives and opportunities. Modeling, clothing lines, and even going to great schools. I don’t have anything or anyone but the bitches who made my life a literal living hell have everything they want. There was a time when my mom was still engaged to the man who molested me, I went to school he had given me money for snacks. Well I didn’t get any and planned on stopping for some while I walked home that day. I got on the bus and sat alone as always put my headphones in played my music. Well the girls who always bothered me on the bus started acting strangely kind saying they liked my purse. It was a $5 purse from the thrift store. They asked if they could see it and my dumbass gave it to them no questions asked. Well as I was walking home I dug through my purse to get the money so I could get snacks upon realizing it wasn’t there I freaked out and cried the whole way home. He had specifically told me to bring him back whatever change. When I was in middle school all my siblings were in different schools so I was always home first. He always got off work 10 mins after I got home. I went upstairs to change and still was upset and kinda in shock from what I felt would happen. Well, he came home drunk as he always did after work and came right upstairs asking for the change. I started crying and saying don’t walk in I’m naked because I was still changing he walked in anyway I said they stole the money and this man beat me with his belt while I was naked. 12 years old. Proceed to rub me and kiss me and told me to get dressed and stand downstairs with my arms held up as a punishment. Every day of my life was even more miserable after that and those same girls are living amazing or better than me in general.
I’ve been beat up by men and boys my whole life I’m worthless and not worthy of any love. That’s why I was born. To show people what they don’t want to be. I don’t feel I was born for any other purpose than to be people emotional and physical punching bag. I have an alcohol and weed problem now. I have issues with over indulging in giving people stuff. A man owes me 1400 and hasn’t given it to me and I gave him that when I was on my last and took it out of my savings. Now I’m homeless no house no car no nothing because of him. I’ve been trying to take responsibility for my life but it’s the little things that’s broke me and led up to this. I’m aware people have been through worse which makes this 10x more pathetic. I now struggle with borderline personality disorder, manic depression, anxiety, and PTSD.I think I’ll really just go ahead and end it.

I was molested on the school bus as a 5 year old 33 years ago. I don’t have anyone I can talk to in my family about what happened. But I do know it went to the police because I remember going there and some of the aftermath. Are the records of the assault available to me ? Who could I ask to see them ? I just want some closure and as I still live in the same town of about 20,000 people knowing my assailants name will help bring that as well.

This is gonna be kinda long
Hey guys, I just found this page and in a weird way I feel a little better knowing that I’m not alone in a lot of weird ways. I feel like what I’m about to talk about is real heavy so I just wanna give another heads up. Complex familial SA and violence
My parents were never together, my mother had custody over me- I got to see my biological dad rarely on visitations but someone had to be present- and on these visitations I had to stay with my grandparents. My dad didn’t want anything to do with me until I was 5 and his parents fought for visitation rights. Around the age of 6, after coming home to my mom I told her that both my dad and my grandpa had molested me at the same time. As any mom would she went ballistic. She took me to the hospital where i was tested with a rape kit and it came back positive. A bunch of court cases and doctors/therapy came after that. Pointing at graphics and telling them where I had been touched, speaking to cops about it- I remember sitting in the basement of the courthouse with a social worker while my parents had court. Soon after this started I couldn’t take it- my mom found me in the closet trying to hang myself with my blanket. I was 6 years old and I remember it all.
This next part blows my mind when I really think about it, my stepdad (who was the only man in my life who I trusted) had family in Mexico. The court cases were draining my parents dry- in a panic they took me and my siblings and we moved to Mexico. We lived there for two years, it was wonderful. I had a new family who loved me and let me pet the goats. My mother’s mom got terminally sick back in the states and she left to take care of her. Upon going back she was immediately arrested, I don’t know the full details but it was because evidently we just fled the country and somehow it was considered kidnapping. My mom was in jail for 27 days and wouldn’t tell them where I was. eventually she did, and I was taken back by her mom. I rode a grey hound from the border to the Midwest with her. I wouldn’t stop pissing myself on the bus.
I was dropped off at a local newspaper station and was to wait for my parents to pick me up. I was happy cuz I thought my mom and stepdad were coming to get me. I was wrong . It was my biological father and stepmother. I lived with them until I was 18, and as you can imagine it was not fun. They were both cops, step mom had unmedicated BPD and my bio dad was an alcoholic and beat the shit out of me. Several times to the point where my stepmom had to drag him off cuz he was going to kill me. The whole time his mother would be really nice and then call me a liar anytime I said anything about what was happening.
Around 17 I got fed up. Teacher started noticing my sister and I going to school with bloody noses and the day after I turned 18 I went to school cut up so bad by his nails on my face my art teacher decided to pull me into her office and ask me what was going on. I told her. That lady saved me. My bio mom found me on Facebook and we began talking. A few months later she showers up at my job unannounced (I was a cashier) and she came through my line with my little brother. It was surreal, they were like angels. My stepdad and sister were out in the parking lot. They gave me a burner so we could talk. My bio dad found it and both him and my step mom beat me within an inch of my life. I left two days later and couch surfed with my best friend until I graduated high school. Lettered in art.
Moved in with my mom and step dad and started life over. But, the thing that still haunts me to this day are my dreams and loud sounds. I’m 25, I got a scholarship to art school,graduated with a 3.8 GPA, just completed my first residency- but my dreams are still horrible. I’m so proud of myself but that one thing from my childhood with my bio dad and grandpa still affects me to this day. It’s like this hill I can’t climb or conquer.
The dreams are of series scenarios out of a lynch film where I’m back at the house with my stepmom and dad and different family members are raping me- or everyone is super nice to me. Which is almost worse because that it’s own special kind of hell. Like nothing ever changed and what I’ve built myself as a life never happened.
I’m working on it , always building and never destroying. I’m an artist, but I refuse to be a tortured one.I guess I just want to end it by saying that we can do this, it’s not impossible and every single one of you have your angels out there too. My heart is with each of you- sorry for this being so long❤️

Long time lurker in this sub, first time poster.
I've posted before on reddit about why I went no contact with my family. It's a lot to rehash, but there were three big events and, well, third strike and you're out.
1 - when I was in high school, my parents chose meth over their mortgage and left me with my grandparents while they fucked off to Florida to get clean after we lost the house and vehicles. My nana had to tell the school i was homeless so that the bus could pick me up as i was just a hair out of the school district. This was my senior year of high school. (Edit to add: the night my dad told me that I had to go live with my grandparents was the same night he told me that my best friend since diapers was hit by a car and died. I locked myself in my nana's the bathroom and sobbed as he was trying to leave. He got so mad at me because he thought I was being dramatic about going to stay with the grandparents. No, motherfucker, you just told me my best friend of 16 years died! I would rather live with nana and pawpaw than deal with the bullshit at home!) In the three years preceeding, my parents would stay up all night and fight when there were no drugs and when there were drugs, they would fuck loudly. It was not a happy time.
2 - after college they chose my convicted felon child molester brother over me and left me homeless to sleep in my car and on friends sofas for six months until I could get back up on my feet. I had went NC for a bit there, but my grandparents were still alive and just kind of reeled me back in. I was later told they knew i could "survive" where as my brother would get arrested for violating his probation if he didnt have an address to register. But, of course im the problem.
3 - they chose a conman, grifter, rapist, politician, cult leader over me and my convicted felon child monster (edit: i meant "molester" but autocorrect got to it... and im not even mad because it is accurate)brother threatened me and they stood by and did FUCKING NOTHING. In fact, they double down on their bullshit.
But that's cool. Got my own family now and they actually treat me like im special to them and not excess baggage.
And therapy. Lots of therapy. So much goddamn therapy.
Bit I stumbled upon some stories on the clock app from other estranged adult children and it it brought up a memory from when I was 7-8 during one of the times we were living with my grandparents because my parents often chose drugs and stupid shit over housing their kids... (scrolled back to add: I remember now why we had to live with nana and pawpaw then - dad was on his second or third DUI) but I digress - I kept a bag packed. It was an old book bag from school and I had several changes of clothes, water, a stuffed animal, and other odds and ends. I had plans to sneak out and run away and go live in the woods behind our neighborhood in a tree fort I made (it was a terrible tree fort). I don't remember why I wanted to leave, but I was just ready just in case. I didn't even know what the concept of a bug out bag was lol.
I know it was stupid and childish, but what kid has a bag packed and is ready to run away at 7 years old? Teenagers, sure. In my 20's I gave my parents much more grace than I do now and just thought I was an overly sensitive child and they were doing the best they could. No, I was a very intuitive child and they were failing as parents. Also, this was around the time my older brother first started getting in trouble in school before he went to juvie the FIRST time. Iirc, he went three times before prison at 17 (tried as an adult), and then in and out for various crimes. They judge used the word "recidivist" and suddenly I was glad i went to college (they would often throw it in my face that I thought I was better than them because im the only one that did) because I know what recidivism means and, yeah Judge was spot on.
I don't know why this memory just came upon me. Did anyone else have a bug out bag packed as a child?

2 months ago my husband and I were on a date and passed by a bus with a college logo on it. He made a weird comment about a volleyball team being on the bus. I pressed him on this bc I genuinely was confused. He admitted it was a ‘dumb joke’ and that volleyball players are universally known as sexy because of their short shorts 🤦🏻‍♀️ so it was like some stupid man joke about a sexual fantasy? I said why tf would I think that was funny when we’re supposed to spending time together? Gross.
Fast forward to today and he brought up one time that his dad commented that our (infant at the time) child was maybe a future volleyball player. No context… I didn’t understand the comment at the time. We don’t play volleyball or know anyone who does. No one in our family is tall…it was just random. When my partner brought this up yesterday I responded that I hope your dad didn’t mean something inappropriate by that - he is classic for having zero boundaries and saying weird stuff to get a reaction out of people (His dad basically hates women and has made comments about my body/breasts etc.) My partner asked why would I think that, and I said because of what he said on our date. I have no other information about why someone would randomly mention being a volleyball player. I feel like it wasn’t wrong for me to say that I hope he didn’t mean anything bad by it. I get that it’s sensitive for my husband but I’m still allowed to talk and have thoughts on things.
My partner was mad the rest of the day and is still mad 🤷🏻‍♀️ he says I’m implying his dad is a child molester which I never said anything close to. And is mad that I’m ’bringing up things he said in the past’ like am I not allowed to talk about past discussions when they are relevant? I’m just tired of this…

I travel to my office along the long route of the Mumbai-Pune highway. Typically, I arrive at Katraj Bus stop from my home by 7:15 am. There, I settle in and wait for my office bus until 7:20 am. Today morning, all the benches were occupied, so I ended up sitting near a man who was already there. Despite his well-dressed appearance and middle-class background, he was completely drunk at 7 am. He began chatting and commenting on the crowds in buses. I began to feel sympathy for him because nobody chooses to be drunk at 7 am. Suddenly, he launched into an explanation for his early morning drunkeness.
As he commuted from his hometown on a crowded bus, a group of college-going girls boarded the same bus he was on. One of the girls sat near him and she dozed off. Then this guy molested her. In his own words "The girl was asking for it. Cause she sat too close to him." The girl raised alarm. The people in bus thrashed him and threw him out. So to ease pain of flesh and public humiliation, this guy got drunk at 7 am.
Then, he suddenly blacked out. My bus arrived shortly afterward, leaving me confused about how to process this disturbing information. Thus, I decided to share it here.

I am a 32-year-old gay, chubby, feminine male. I've recently had family trouble: my father has gone missing on the Navajo reservation, which has taken a toll on my family. I was never close with my father due to being the oldest and seeing his alcoholic abuse cause domestic violence against my mother. My brother, the second child, who should have been named Junior but wasn't, worshiped our father and started taking up his career. Now that our father is missing, this sibling has taken up the alcoholic title. Though he may not be abusive, my mother and I think he might turn out to be soon. The baby of the family has had a love-hate relationship with our father. He also loves to blame everyone for his personal issues and bad choices. He has mother issues and is now copying our second brother by drinking every day. Both of them drinking has led to poor financial decisions, putting my mother and me in debt as we try to fix our finances and provide food and keep the house up to date. We rent the house we live in, so if we decide to move, the owner will likely charge us for the accumulated minor damages. I think I am the only one worried about this situation. Our mother is devastated by our father's disappearance. In my mind, they were soulmates and high school sweethearts. She was the cheerleader, and he was the sports jock. They loved each other, but my father's alcoholism was a huge problem, so she raised all three of us mostly on her own. There is evidence suggesting foul play in our father's disappearance, adding another layer of complexity to our family troubles. A bit about me: I struggled with coming out of the closet until I had my first boyfriend in 2011. My mother was very homophobic due to her religious upbringing but eventually learned to accept me. That first relationship only lasted a few months because his mother made a comment about my transportation to his home. At the time, I had no car, so I took the bus. When she asked how I got there, his response was "the bus," to which she said, "The bus? Isn't that for peasants?" This made me uncomfortable and led to our breakup. He was my first and only boyfriend, and I've never dated after him. At a young age, I was molested by a male cousin, which I believe influenced my sexuality and femininity. I have forgiven him and learned to move on with my life without blaming him. I've always wanted a job in Hollywood but have come to realize that's not going to happen. However, I landed the second best thing: working and traveling with Broadway shows. I took my first tour for ten months, back in 2022, came home, and took a season off. On this tour, I grew from my experiences and became an independent adult. I feel like I became the best version of myself. On tour, I had no one but myself, and I became independent. Now that I'm back home, I feel like I have to take care of everyone and make decisions for the long run. I'm not going to lie, I was sleeping with guys left and right and living life. When I came home, I reconnected with two guys: one a young African American guy and the other a Hispanic guy. The African American guy was younger than me, well-endowed, about my height, and very slender. We had known each other for the years I was on tour. He was living alone and had his own place. We were hooking up, and that's it. We connected less during my tour. I then reconnected with the Hispanic guy. He is about my age, shorter than me, and very masculine. He's a gentleman. When we first met, he came to my place. I thought that I had cleaned myself well, but when I pulled out my buttplug, I realized I hadn't. I excused myself and re-douched. He was very understanding and sweet about the whole situation, and I fell in love with his charm. When he left that night, I hoped I didn't scare him off, but he messaged me a few weeks later, this time inviting me to his place. He turned on his fireplace and laid blankets on the floor for us, being tender and romantic. After this encounter, I overthought the situation, building an idealized image of him, which made me sick with worry. He says he owns a company, which is why he doesn't reply quickly, but my social media feeds suggest otherwise. He never checks on me, but the African American guy did from time to time. A few weeks after visiting the Hispanic guy, I messaged the African American guy to see if he wanted to meet up. He told me he had become homeless and was looking for a bed at a homeless shelter. He asked if he could stay with me until he found a bed. Despite being undecided, I agreed. The worst part was that he showed me what a relationship with him could be like: affection, endless cuddles, and companionship. It was everything I wished for in a relationship, but I had to remind myself that I was only helping him temporarily. In this short time, he showed me love and what life could be like with a boyfriend. However, we eventually argued over something small, and he left, leaving me heartbroken. Songs from Ariana Grande's album became my anthems: "We Can't Be Friends," "I Wish I Hated You," and "Imperfect for You." I miss him, but he's too young to forgive me. I still see the Hispanic guy, but I fear I'm building him up to be something he's not. He still takes a while to reply to my messages, and I make excuses for his absence. I hope we'll become something, but I think that's unlikely, which also breaks my heart. A week ago, my siblings and mother and I had a huge argument, all of us under the influence. It started with me telling my mother that I wanted to move out. She, being overbearing, shut down and pushed me away from the idea, using my drunk siblings to turn against me. This brought out the worst in everyone, with all the built-up envy and jealousy coming out. Now, I'm indecisive about my future. Should I take a traveling job and leave my mother alone with my siblings, knowing they're not in the right state of mind? Is the person I'm seeing worth my emotional investment?

The word of the Experienced
Guidelines on bullying in Western Pennsylvania School Districts
Teach your sons to abuse other boys. Molesting them if need be.
The boys who are molested will have to deal with it in therapy.
They will be ostracized by their peers.
They will suffer all the more
A young boy when properly abused and sexually hazed will be unable to think properly and consider all around him to be out to get him.
It makes it easier then to paint him as a schizophrenic.
They will be laughed at and scoffed at by your women and humiliated. It's like you've painted on your enemy a red letter A as a kid. Imagine trying to manage all those feelings as a kid. HAHA! He'll never have a chance.
It's funny too. Through and through. We do this because we can get away with it and we marry and have children all over the state of PA. Our wives and girlfriends they never find out. No one ever knows. But we just blame the victim and when they get angry, we'll just string em up.
After your sons sexually abuse him, make sure that you and your neighbors team up on his family members and call HIM and THEM the strange one's. After all, they adopted children from another country and raised them here. What a weakness.
Orphans. Next to trash.
Their mothers will make a mockery of it. Remember this in how you raise your young men. Molest other boys if need be so that you can conquer them easier. Whenever the victim seeks to rise out of the place of their abuse, paint them as a madman and a shooter. That if they fight back they’ll be like a columbine shooter. This way you can control them while your sons abuse them psychologically. Don’t worry, it’s nothing new. This is what happened to a boy I knew in Pittsburgh, Pa. We had our way with him promptly and he grew up this way. He never healed and he was kicked around by people endlessly until around thirty one. Never saved more than fifteen thousand dollars and was completely disabled because of the sexual abuse and hazing we caused him as a boy. He was an orphan. We made sure as a young man that we drugged him well enough with a bunch of friends that gave him drugs and treated him less than he was worth. He was middle class so we made sure to get him after he was sexually abused as a ten year old and fifteen to be around the wrong crowd so we could make him estranged from the family that cared about him. Of course, he wasn’t able to make friends after ten because the kids on the bus of the school he went to were all touching each others privates, but whenever it came out that they did it they all just blamed the orphan boy and he took the fall for the whole neighborhood. That’s exactly what we did to him. It was pretty funny to see him grow up this way, we watched as his entire life fell apart and he lost everything. Never able to find sanity. From what I heard after our sons had their way with him sexually and drugged and abused him he never got any better. Every time people saw him the only thing they would do is stare at him, like he was a kind of example of what happens when you’re an orphan bastard in America. You get what white power brings to orphans from another country, nobody wanted him so we made sure to make it that way forever. We redneck trash love to blur the lines between molestation and friendship. It makes the most sense to us to inspire severe mental health issues in children and then act like nothing happened. We’re waiting for him to kill himself. We’re excited to watch. Oh another thing, there’s a judge in Allegheny country we’ve been using who was selling cocaine and harassing young boys. We kept him on the stand for many years.
We’ll get away with this forever. It’s funny to watch.
What's more to us is that we have control of most of Western Pennsylvania. The young boy orphan who we know always did try to fight back. We loved sending the police to his house while our sons got away with sexually assaulting him, drugging him, and abusing him. He played sports with him so we made sure that the cops son definitely got to fondle his testicles against his will. Whenever he got angry and threatened to fight back or act like he was gonna shoot someone we just would send the cops dad to his house to "calm him down" a little while we all got away with it. The funniest part was watching his mother and father turn against this kid. They didn't even want that idiot anymore, they just wanted to throw the boy out and put him in a psych ward because they just thought he was a complete and total fuck up. After all he was the weak one for getting molested right? He was the fuck up for being sexually hazed and keeping quiet right? Not much of a man that fifteen year old boy was huh? While the people in Allegheny county all just act like it's nothing new. We like how we abuse our young boys out here especially the orphans from other countries.
How we relished this cute twinks pain. We loved telling him he was a saintly figure. "Saint --------------" we called him. It was funny to watch, all his friends convincing him it was his job to be like a holy figure. While they took advantage of him, drugged him, and ruined his relationship with his mother. He would take the trays up for the kids and especially the cops son who would touch his dick, by his junior year he didn't know the difference between being molested anymore and just being a willing participant. It's like the kid hadn't a single clue but the whole rest of the school and staff knew but, just because he was an orphan they chose to not do anything. After all, an orphan boy? It's like nothing happens to them. They aren't people after all especially if they're from another country. It was really enjoyable overall watching this kid lose everything. Last I heard he spent nine years tortured, night terrors every night. Disability.
Ah well. Keep Pennsylvania Proud.
Go Stillers!
He goes on. Unseen and unheard. But we know the truth.
(Based on the screwtape letters and real events)

I can’t keep doing this, I just got into a fight with my mom she struck me and I hit her back, then my brothers came running down and separated us then she started talking about how I’m disobent disrespect and how I always lie to her and her w my brothers have never lied to her once in her entire life. And then yelled at me saying they didn’t rape me and it was fault if anything ever happened and that I’m lying about it, I have to fucking get on the bus with on them every single fucking day. And she told them if they ever did anything wrong to me they should come out and apologize now, then she asked them if they ever assaulted me in any type of way and one of them lied while the other said nothing. Then she asked me why didn’t I tell her what was happening and why I didn’t do anything to stop it, and then she blamed it on my dad saying he had to do something to them first for them to do something to me. How can you not understand that they did it on their own account? And then she said I’m going to the up promiscuous like my older sister because she was molested also. One of my brothers apologized for raping me blaming it on hormones and how I was the “only girl in the house “ and I hope you can forgive me I know that you might not accept it but I’m sorry. And my other brother said nothing. And then my mother started blaming my dad for it again saying she failed all her children as a parent and how she failed me and that I should have came and told her what was happening. And then she said she forgives them for what they did to me and how they need to ask God for forgiveness, I can’t fucking comprehend how you can forgive them for raping me. I can’t stay here any longer and she keeps blaming everyone else for everything that’s happened and she always puts them above me and treats me like the black sheep. I didn’t grow up with my other siblings and one them got taken by they came back during their teen years so they don’t know about anything that has been happening at home, I don’t have anyone I trust to tell this too and I still have 3 years until I’m 18 so I can’t move out. I despise myself so much and I have nothing to live for, 15 fucking years of hurt and pain and I have nothing to account for it. No one on this earth loves me and I can’t love myself and I can’t handle the thought of ever being inmate with someone after everything that’s happens so how would I ever get married? I am so tired of waking up everyday and being in this house, everyday feels the same and I have seen them both every single day since my other brother got back from college. My mom won’t let me see my sisters and she yells at me when I try to leave the house but then she yells at me when I’m at home, I feel so pathetic and worthless. I can’t keep doing this, nothing in my life has meaning or accounts for anything. I feel like I’m falling back into my old ways I just get so sad and angry and I end up taking it out on myself I use to cut my shoulders and I’ve been thinking about starting again. I am trying so hard

This is the second half of my list for Florida's execution roster. As stated in the first part, I split it into two halves in order to follow reddit's character count limitations. Link to part 1.
The currently 105 executed offenders, cases 53 to 105:
53. Aileen Wuornos (~1974-2002, lethal injection): Wuornos murdered 7 men between the ages of 47-65. She was a street prostitute that enticed her victims with promises of sexual favors. After a victim was entrapped, Wuornos shot them dead, and robbed them of their money and their vehicles. Although Wuornos initially claimed that she killed the victims in self defense, she later admitted that they were murdered for their valuables. Her criminal history was extensive, and she had several convictions for armed robbery, assault, DUIs, reckless discharge of firearms, and disorderly conduct. She was also accused of domestic violence by an ex husband, and he placed a restraining order on her within weeks of their marriage.
54. Linroy Bottoson (~1971-2002, lethal injection): In a robbery of a post office, Bottoson stole $14,000 in money orders and $100 in cash, and abducted the post mistress, 74 year old Catherine Alexander. After holding her captive for 3 days, Bottoson stabbed Alexander 16 times, and ran her over with his car. He had several robberies on his criminal record.
55. Amos King Jr. (~1972-2002, lethal injection): After he escaped from a minimum security prison, King broke into the home of 68 year old Natalie Brady and assaulted her. She was raped, stabbed, and savagely beaten in the attack. King then set her house on fire, and returned back to the prison. At his arrival, the prison counselor confronted him about his absence and bloodied clothing. He was stabbed 25 times by King, but managed to survive his injuries. Despite her injuries, Brady managed to crawl out of her burning home, but succumbed to blood loss shortly before help could arrive. King had a previous conviction for robbery.
56. Newton Slawson (1989-2003, lethal injection): Slawson went over to the home of the Wood family (consisting of parents, 23 year old Gerald and 21 year old Peggy, and their children, 4 year old Jennifer and 3 year old Glendon) to buy some cocaine. During an argument over the transaction, Slawson shot and killed Gerald, Jennifer, and Glendon, and wounded Peggy. Slawson then stabbed Peggy (who was 8 months pregnant) with such force that he tore her unborn child out of her womb.
57. Paul Hill (1994-2003, lethal injection): During an attack on an abortion clinic, Hill shot and killed John Britton, a 69 year old abortionist, and his bodyguard, 74 year old James Barrett. Britton’s wife, 68 year old June, was also wounded in the shooting. Hill was a hardline pro life activist and Christian fundamentalist, and saw ending abortion by any means necessary as his personal divine mission.
58. Johnny Robinson (~1980s-2004, lethal injection): Robinson and his teenage accomplice picked up 31 year old Beverly St. George when they found her broken down on the side of the road. They then raped St. George and shot her to death. He tried to claim that they had consensual relations and St. George was hit by an accidental discharge during intercourse. If Robinson's "recollection" was to be believed, he then shot her again to cover up an "accidental" shooting of a white woman. The courts weren't convinced by the defense, and the accomplice admitted that the murder was entirely deliberate and calculated from the beginning. Robinson had several rape convictions and accusations before St. George's murder.
59. John Blackwelder (~1970s-2004, lethal injection): While incarcerated for molesting a 10 year old boy, Blackwelder tied up his cellmate, 39 year old Raymond Wigley, under the alleged pretenses of a bondage session and strangled him to death with makeshift rope. According to Blackwelder, Wigley had been sexually harassing him, and he wanted to put a permeant end to the unwanted advances. Blackwelder had several sexual assault convictions dating back to the 1970s, and was also previously convicted for threatening former vice president Dan Quayle. His victim was the accomplice of another executed offender, John Marek, and was serving a life sentence for assisting him in the torture murder of a woman [for more details on Marek and Wigley's crimes, please see section 68] at the time of his own death.
60. Glen Ocha (1999-2005, lethal injection): Ocha picked up 28 year old Carol Skjerva from a bar and they had sex in his home. However, Skjerva allegedly made mocking remarks towards his genitals and threatened to tell her fiance of their encounter. In a drunken rage and under the influence of ecstasy, Ocha hung her with rope from his kitchen door.
61. Clarence Hill (1982-2006, lethal injection): During an attempted bank robbery with an accomplice, Hill engaged in a shootout with the responding policemen. One of the officers, 26 year old Stephen Taylor, was killed and another was wounded.
62. Arthur Rutherford (1985-2006, lethal injection): Rutherford was hired by a widow, 63 year old Stella Salamon, to do odd jobs around her home. He then drowned Salamon in her bathtub and tried to cash in a check of $2,000 from her account. Salamon's nude body was found with a broken arm, bruising all across her face, and three head wounds.
63. Danny Rolling (~1960s-2006, lethal injection): Rolling murdered a total of 8 people between the ages of 8-55. In 1989, Rolling stabbed 55 year old William Grissom, William’s 24 year old daughter Julie, and his 8 year old grandson Sean to death in their home. Julie’s body was ritualistically mutilated and posed during the attack. A year later, he shot his estranged father, 59 year old James. Although James survived, he was left permanently blind. Rolling then burglarized several student dorms in a week long rampage. Five students, 23 year old Tracy Paules, 23 year old Manuel Taboda, 18 year old Sonja Larson, 17 year old Christa Hoyt, and 17 year old Christina Powell, were bound, raped, and stabbed to death. Only Taboada was spared from any sexual abuse. As with Julia Grissom, Rolling posed the female victims into provocative positions and mutilated their bodies. Roiling decapitated Hoyt and placed her head on a cabinet shelf for the sole purpose of shocking witnesses stumbling across the scene. He had a long history of robberies, assaults, and voyeurism, and some of his earliest convictions occurred when he was a teenager.
64. Ángel Díaz (~1960s-2006, lethal injection): In his native Puerto Rico, Díaz stabbed an unidentified man, who was a director of a local drug rehabilitation center, 19 times while the victim was asleep. Díaz was sentenced for second degree murder, but he escaped after beating a guard near death, and fled to Florida. During his stay in Florida, Díaz and his accomplices robbed a strip club at gunpoint, and shot and killed the manager, 49 year old Joseph Nagy. After Nagy’s murder, he and his accomplices relocated themselves to Connecticut. However, they were arrested for a possession of illegal firearms charge. Díaz and 3 other inmates briefly managed to escape by beating up a guard and threatening another at knifepoint, but were quickly recaptured. After a cellmate testified that Díaz confessed to Nagy’s murder, he was deported back to Florida and sentenced to death. His execution sparked controversy, as it took him 34 minutes to succumb to the lethal drugs. Díaz’s other criminal convictions include shooting and injuring an officer during an armed robbery and several drug possession charges. Authorities also suspected him of being involved with several Puerto Rican nationalist insurgent groups.
65. Mark Schwab (1987-2008, lethal injection): Schwab lured 11 year old Junny Rios-Martinez into a motel room by posing as a photographer for a surfing magazine. He bound Rios-Martinez, anally penetrated him, and smothered the boy to death with a pillow. Schwab also had a conviction for the sexual battery of a 13 year old boy, and he was released after serving 3 out of an 8 year prison sentence months before Rios-Martinez's murder.
66. Richard Henyard (1993-2008, lethal injection): Henyard and his teenage accomplice carjacked 35 year old Dorothy Lewis, and her two daughters, 7 year old Jamilya and 3 year old Jasmine. The pair raped Dorothy, and shot and killed both of her daughters. Dorothy was also shot in the head, but was able to survive. Dorothy recounted that she tried praying for her and her children's safety, and Henyard taunted her by mockingly claiming to be Satan himself.
67. Wayne Tompkins (~1980s-2008, lethal injection): While helping his girlfriend move from their home, Tompkins made sexual advances on her 15 year old daughter, Lisa DeCarr. When she rejected him, Tompkins raped and strangeld her to death with a bathrobe, and tried to report DeCarr as a runaway. Tompkins also had several sexual assault convictions and accusations prior to the murder. One incident involved him abducting and abusing a gas station clerk.
68. John Marek (~1980s-2008, lethal injection): Marek and his accomplice, Raymond Wigley, picked up 47 year old Adela Simmons. They forced Simmons to perform oral sex on them, burned her fingers and pubic hairs, and strangled her to death with a bandana. The pair then dumped her body near a beach. Marek was sentenced to death for Simmons' murder, while Wigley was given a life sentence. While in prison, Wigley himself was strangled to death by the above mentioned John Blackwelder.
69. Martin Grossman (1984-2010, lethal injection): Grossman was given probation after a spree involving the burglary of an ex girlfriend's home and stealing cars. While out shooting a stolen handgun with a friend, they were confronted by Margaret Park, a 26 year old wildlife ranger. Wanting to avoid being arrested and put back into prison for violating his parole, Grossman and his friend attacked Park with a flashlight. They wrestled her service pistol away from her and shot and killed Park with it. Due to Grossman being Jewish, his death sentence outraged several Jewish organizations across the globe, and they petitioned ceaselessly for his clemency.
70. Manuel Valle (1978-2011, lethal injection): While driving a stolen car, Valle was pulled over by Louis Pena, a 41 year old police officer, for a traffic violation. In the confrontation, Valle shot Pena and his partner. Although Pena was killed in the shooting, his partner's life was saved by a bullet proof vest.
71. Oba Chandler (~1960s-2011, lethal injection): Chandler enticed a woman, 36 year old Joan Rogers, and her two daughters, 17 year old Michelle and 14 year old Christe, with the promise of a boat ride. On board, he bound the family with rope and raped all three of them. Chandler then tied concrete blocks around Joan and her daughters' necks and tossed them into the ocean to drown. He also raped and strangled 20 year old Ivelisse Berrios–Beguerisse after abducting her from a mall, and was linked to the murder by a 2014 DNA test 3 years after his execution. Chandler was an inveterate sexual predator with a very long criminal history, and was first arrested for car theft in his early teens. Many of his other crimes include several convictions of armed robbery, burglary, rape, counterfeiting, and kidnapping. In one incident, he broke into a couple’s house, and sexually assaulted the wife in front of her husband. One surviving victim, a 24 year old Canadian tourist, helped investigators tie Chandler to the Rogers’ murders with her reports.
72. Robert Waterhouse (~1966-2012, lethal injection): In 1966, Waterhouse snuck into the home of 77 year old Ella Carter, and raped and strangled her to death. He was paroled after serving 8 years of a life sentence. A few years later, Waterhouse picked up 29 year old Deborah Kammerer from a bar and assaulted her on a nearby beach. He stabbed and violated Kammerer with a broken bottle, shoved a tampon down her throat, and drowned her in the ocean waters.
73. David Gore (1981-2012, lethal injection): Gore and his cousin abducted and murdered 4 teenage girls (17 year old Ying Hua Ling, 17 year old Lynn Eilliot, 14 year old Angelica LaVallee, 14 year old Barbara Byer) and 2 grown women (48 year old Hsiang Huang Ling and 35 year old Judith Daley). The victims were kidnapped through force, picked up while hitchhiking, or tricked into thinking that Gore was a police officer detaining them. They were then tied up, raped, and shot or strangled to death. The cousins dismembered the bodies in their attempts to destroy them and buried the scattered remains in shallow graves. Two of their victims, Ying Hua Ling and Hsiang Huang Ling, were a mother and daughter pair of Taiwanese immigrants, and the cousins murdered them together. A 7th victim, 14 year old friend of Eilliot, was also abducted and sodomized, but she managed to escape with Eilliot's help.
74. Manuel Pardo Jr. (1986-2012, lethal injection): Pardo was a corrupt cop heavily involved in the drug trade. After his department fired him for his abuse of power and suspected tampering of investigations, Pardo went on a crime spree. He shot and killed at least 9 men and women in robberies and interpersonal disputes. The victims he murdered in robberies were 39 year old Ulpiano Ledo, 37 year old Luis Robledo, 33 year old Mario Amador, and 28 year old Roberto Alons. In every robbery incident, he stole the victims’ credit cards. Pardo killed 28 year old Fara Quintero in an argument over a ring he pawned to her and 30 year old Sara Musa for refusing his demands of buying him a VCR set with a credit card stolen from one of his previous robberies. Another victim, Michael Millot, a 38 year old Haitian refugee that took up work as a gunsmith, was slain out of Pardo’s fears of him being a police informant. His last murders were 40 year old Ramon Alvero, a drug dealer that he work for, and Alvaro’s girlfriend, 38 year old Daisy Ricard. Pardo turned on the couple after Alvaro stiffed him of a meeting. He shot Alvaro dead, but Padro’s gun jammed when he tried to shoot Ricard as well. As he was beating Ricard to death with his gun, it discharged and hit Pardo’s foot. On death row, Pardo tried to fashion himself as a vigilante trying to rid Florida of all drug related crimes.
75. Larry Mann (~1970s-2012, lethal injection): Mann ambushed 10 year old Elisa Nelson while she was biking from school to a dentist appointment. He raped Nelson and beat her to death with a pipe. Authorities also initially suspected Mann in the murders of several girls in the area, such as 16 year old Janie Sanders and 13 year old Rose Levandoski, but the current thinking is that another (still unknown) predator was likely responsible. Although he had convictions against adult women, Mann was a pedophile with a history of mostly preying on young girls.
76. Elmer Carroll (~1972-2012, lethal injection): Carroll broke into the room of 10 year old Christine McGowan. He raped and strangled the girl to death, tucked the body underneath the bedsheets, and stole her stepfather's construction truck. McGowan's body discovered was by her stepfather when he came to check on her. At the time of the murder, Carroll had two separate convictions (including one against his then 5 year old niece) for child molestation and was first accused of rape at the age of 16.
77. William Van (~1971-2013, lethal injection): Poyck Van Poyck and another man, Frank Valdez, ambushed a prison van that their incarcerated friend was being transported in with the intent of freeing him. The pair shot and killed a guard, 40 year old Fred Griffis and wounded another. Despite overtaking the van, they were forced to retreat without their friend with the arrival of police reinforcements. Both were captured after a brief shootout with the police and were given death sentences for Griffis’ murder. The case sparked controversy when Valdez was beaten to death by other prison guards in his cell. The officers involved were all fired but acquitted for murder in their trials. Van Poyck had several convictions of armed robbery on his record.
78. John Ferguson (~1960s-2013, lethal injection): Ferguson was the mastermind of the Carol City massacre that his above mentioned accomplices, Marvin Francois and Beauford White, participated in. He also committed a series of murders on his own. Two of his other victims, 17 year old Brian Glenfeldt and 17 year old Belinda Worley, were a couple that were ambushed in the parking lot of an ice cream shop. Ferguson raped Worley, shot her and Glenfeldt dead, and ran off with her jewelry and Glenfeldt’s wallet. Another couple, 82 year old Katherine and 75 year old Raymond Perry, were assaulted by Ferguson in their motel room, robbed, and shot dead execution style. Authorities also believe that Ferguson was responsible for the murders of James Ward, a 40 year old runaway from a mental institution, and Joseph Walters (age unknown), but was never convicted of them in court. Ferguson had a troubled upbringing, was stealing cars at the age of 13, and convicted for the attempted murder of an officer. Due to allegations of him being a schizophrenic, his execution was delayed numerous times, which is why he was put to death decades after his accomplices.
79. Marshall Gore (1988-2013, lethal injection): Gore abducted and murdered two women, 30 year old Robyn Novick and 19 year old Susan Roark. Both women were last seen in his company, and they were raped, beaten, and stabbed to death. He also carjacked 32 year old Tina Coralis while she was driving with her 2 year old son Jimmy. Gore raped Tina, beat her with a rock, slit her throat, dumped her on the side of the road, and drove off with her car while Jimmy was still in it. Tina survived the attack and notified the police about her kidnapped son and stolen car. The police were able to rescue Jimmy unharmed and capture Gore without incident.
80. William Happ (~1980s-2013, lethal injection): Happ dragged 21 year old Angela Crowley out of her own car window in a convenience store parking lot. He anally raped and strangled Crowley to death with her pants. A corner's report mentioned that Crowley received over 20 blows to her head during the assault. Happ had several convictions of armed robbery, one of which pertained to an abduction incident.
81. Darius Kimbrough (1991-2013, lethal injection): Kimbrough climbed into the apartment window of 28 year old Denise Collin with the help of a ladder. He raped and repeatedly slammed her head against the wall. She was found bloodied and nude by the paramedics called to the scene. Collin died of her injuries in the hospital a day after the attack. Her murder went unsolved until samples of Kimbrough’s DNA were collected from another one of his rapes. With the presence of additional pubic hairs found in Collin’s room, at least two other men were also certainly involved, but they remain at large to this day.
82. Thomas Knight (~1960s-2013, lethal injection): Knight began his string of murders by abducting his former employer, 64 year old Sydney Gans, and Sydney's wife, 60 year old Lillian. After her forced them to withdraw $50,000 from their bank accounts, Knight shot the Gans' dead. He was apprehended and, but he managed to escape from jail while awaiting trial. While on the run, Knight gunned down a clerk, 54 year old William Culpepper, while holding up a liquor store, and $640 from the cash register. A month later, Knight was recaptured following an armed standoff with police, and sentenced to death for the Gan killings. On death row, he stabbed a correctional officer, 48 year old Richard Burke, to death with a sharpened spoon over the prison allegedly barring him from seeing his mother. Knight had numerous theft and burglary convictions that date back to when he was 9 years old.
83. Juan Chavez (1995-2014, lethal injection): Chavez accosted 9 year old Jimmy Ryce when the boy was dropped off at a stop by a school bus, and abducted him at gunpoint. He took Ryce to a trailer on his employers' property and raped him. When Ryce tried to signal a passing helicopter for help, Chavez shot him in the back of the head, and muffled his cries as he died. The body was then decapitated and dismembered, and Chavez buried the remains near his trailer.
84. Paul Howell (~1990s-2014, lethal injection): Howell was part of a drug smuggling gang. One of the members had a falling out with the ring and made an agreement with law enforcement to testify against them. Howell constructed a microwave bomb to assassinate the witness in her home, and he assigned an associate to carry out the hit. As he was transporting the bomb to its intended destination, the associate was pulled over and detained by deputies. While being processed, the bomb detonated prematurely, and killed a deputy, 35 year old James Fulford, Jr.
85. Robert Henry (1987-2014, lethal injection): As part of his plan to assault the gas station that he worked at, Henry tricked his co workers, 53 year old Phyllis Harris and 35 year old Janet Thermidor, into thinking that a robber was holding him hostage. He duped the women into allowing themselves to be tied up and gagged, as Henry claimed to them that the fictitious "robber" was forcing him to do it. Both women were beaten with hammers as Henry ransacked the station’s store. After he stole a total of $1,269 from the register, he poured gasoline all over the building, and set it on fire. Thermidor and Harris were burned alive in the blaze and died of their injures, but Thermidor survived long enough to identify Henry as the assailant.
86. Robert Hendrix (1990-2014, lethal injection): To prevent his cousin, 25 year old Elmer Scott Jr., from testifying against him in a then upcoming burglary trail, Hendrix broke into the home that he shared with his wife, 18 year old Susan, with an accomplice. He shot Susan and Elmer, beat them with the butt of his rifle, and slashed their throats. In the case that he was about to be tried for, Elmer and Hendrix burglarized a home together, and Elmer agreed to testify against him in exchange for a reduced sentence.
87. John Henry (~1975-2014, lethal injection): In 1975, Henry got into an argument with his first wife, 28 year old Patricia Roddy, while they were driving with her daughters. Henry pulled over and stabbed Patricia to death in front of her children. After he plead guilty, Henry was given a 15 year sentence for second degree murder, and was released in 1983 after serving 8. Shortly after his release, he married 28 year old Suzanne Overstreet. As what happened with his first wife, he fatally stabbed Suzanne during an argument in 1985. He then took his stepson, 4 year old Eugene Christian, to a chicken farm and stabbed him to death as well. Henry also had several convictions for the possession of drugs and illegal firearms.
88. Eddie Davis (~1980s-2014, lethal injection): Davis kidnapped his ex girlfriend's daughter, 11 year Kimberly Waters, from her home and gagged her with a rag. He took the girl to a trailer that he used to live in, and raped and strangled her to death. His criminal activity before the murder included several arrests for burglary and autotheft.
89. Chadwick Banks (1992-2014, lethal injection): Banks shot his wife, 30 year old Cassandra, in the head while she was sleeping on their couch. He then crept into the room of his stepdaughter, 10 year old Melody Cooper, and sexually assaulted her. Melody was also shot dead during the abuse.
90. Johnny Kormondy (~1989-2014, lethal injection): Kormondy and his two accomplices invaded a house that Gary McAdams, a 38 year old banker, shared with his wife, 38 year old Cecilia. The couple were ambushed after they returned home from a high school reunion. Gary was shot and killed by Kormondy, while Cecilia was forced to orally copulate the other intruders. Several items were stolen in the robbery, but my sources didn’t disclose any specifics. Kormondy had several previous convictions of robberies and auto thefts, and the earliest occurred when he was 14.
91. Jerry Correll (1985-2015, lethal injection): Correll shot and killed his ex wife, 25 year old Susan, their daughter, 5 year old Tuesday, Susan's sister, 29 year old Marybeth Jones, and their mother, 58 year old Mary Lou Hines. All four victims were murdered in a home they shared together.
92. Oscar Bolin (~1977-2015, lethal injection): Bolin was sentenced to death for the abductions and murders of 26 year old Teri Matthews, 25 year old Natalie Holley, and 17 year old Stephanie Collins. All 3 victims were kidnapped while they were getting off from work, raped, and killed in beating and stabbing attacks. He raped and strangled a fourth victim, 30 year old Deborah Stowe, to death in Texas, but wasn't charged due to already facing the death penalty in Florida. Bolin also took part in the non fatal abduction and gang rape of a waitress in Ohio, was charged for kidnapping his girlfriend (which were later dropped by the courts), and had several theft convictions that started when he was 15.
93. Mark Asay (1987-2017, lethal injection): Asay shot and killed a black man, 34 year old Robert Booker, during a racially charged fight that he picked at a bar. After Booker's murder, Asay, his brother, and their friend went cruising for prostitutes. They encountered a cross dressing sex worker, 26 year old Robert McDowell, they were acquainted with and picked him up. McDowell was also shot dead by Asay when they got into an argument over payment for an oral sex act.
94. Michael Lambrix (1983-2017, lethal injection): While intoxicated, Lambrix beat one of his friends, 35 year old Clarence Moore, to death with a tire iron, and fatally strangled another friend, 19 year old Aleisha Bryant, with a t-shirt in their trailer. He was previously arrested for welfare fraud and was detained for an unspecified "unrelated charge" during the murder investigation.
95. Patrick Hannon (1991-2017, lethal injection): 27 year old Brandon Snider vandalized the bedroom of his ex girlfriend while she was away on vacation. The ex girlfriend's brother was friends with Hannon, and he convinced him to launch a revenge attack on Snider with the help of another friend. They broke into Snider's apartment, stabbed him, and slit his throat. Snider's roommate, 28 year old Robert Carter, witnessed the murder, and tried hiding underneath his bed. Hannon dragged Carter out and shot him to death.
96. Eric Branch (1991-2018, lethal injection): In 1993, Branch abducted and carjacked 21 year old Susan Morris. He raped, beat, and strangled her to death, and then buried Morris' body in a shallow grave near a nature trail. Branch used Morris' car to flee back to his native Indiana, but was captured for a traffic violation. A registered sex offender, Branch had previous convictions for sexually abusing a 14 year old girl, and raped an unidentified woman 10 days before Morris' murder.
97. José Jiménez (~1990-2018, lethal injection): Jiménez fatally strangled Marie Debas, a 32 year old French woman who was allegedly in a relationship with a Medellin cartel drug runner, during a burglary of her apartment. Two years later, he burglarized the home of 63 year old Phyllis Minas, and stabbed her to death.
98. Bobby Long (~1990-2018, lethal injection): As the “Classified Ad Rapist”, Long raped over 50 women. He was given that epithet due to contacting and luring his victims through classified ads. After one of his victims sought charges that initially convicted him (though were later dropped on appeals), Long’s pattern of sexual violence escalated to murder. Long murdered at least 10 women and teenage girls between the ages of 18-28 and non fatally assaulted a 33 year old woman, Linda Nuttall, and a 17 year old girl, Lisa McVey. The victims were picked up through hitchhiking, forcibly grabbed while walking alone on streets, or were prostitutes lured with promises of payment for sexual favors. Long’s sparing of his last victim, McVey, provided to be his downfall, as it was her meticulously detailed reports that led law enforcement to him.
99. Gary Bowles (~1970s-2019, lethal injection): Bowles lured 6 men, 72 year old Milton Bradley, 59 year old John Roberts, 47 year old Walter Hinton, 47 year old Alverson, 39 year old David Jarman, and 38 year old Albert Morris by prostituting himself to them. Once a victim was enticed, Bowles strangled them, and stole their credit cards. He also had several convictions for armed robbery, hospitalized his stepfather in his early teens, and served a 6 year prison sentence for sexually assaulting his girlfriend.
100. Donald Dillbeck (~1979-2023, lethal injection): In 1979, Dillbeck stole a car, and was pulled over by a deputy, 31 year old Dwight Hall. After a prolonged chase and scuffle, Dillbeck shot and killed Hall with his own gun. He was then given a life sentence for Hall's murder. Dillbeck escaped from prison in 1990, and stabbed 44 year old Robbie Vann to death while trying to seize her car. The pursuing officers recaptured him shortly after the killing, and he was sentenced to death for Vann's murder.
101. Louis Gaskin (~1986-2023, lethal injection): Gaskin started his burglary spree by breaking into the home of couple, 56 year old Robert and 55 year old Georgette Sturmfels. He shot them both dead, and stole their lamp, VCR set, and some jewelry and money. His second target was a house owned by 38 year old Joseph Rector and his wife Mary (age unknown). Although Gaskin shot Joseph, the couple both managed to escape him with their lives. Due to him wearing a ninja costume as a disguise during the robberies, he was dubbed as the "Ninja Killer" by media outlets. Gaskin also had a few robbery convictions at the time of the murders.
102. Darryl Barwick (1983-2023, lethal injection): Barwick stalked 24 year old Rebecca Wendt as she was sunbathing in a pool, followed her to her apartment, and forced himself inside to rob it. He stabbed Wendt 37 times and raped her. At the age of 16, Barwick had committed a similar act of rape and burglary against an unidentified woman, and was released from prison 3 months before Wendt's murder.
103. Duane Owen (1984-2023, lethal injection): Owen raped 14 year old Karen Slattery while burglarizing a home she was babysitting at, and stabbed her to death. A few months later, Owen burglarized another home owned by 38 year old Georgianna Worden. She was sexually assaulted and fatally beaten with a hammer. He was captured while breaking into another house on the same day, and confessed to Worden and Slattery's murders
104. James Barnes (~1988-2023, lethal injection): In 1988, Barnes invaded the home of 41 year old Patricia Miller, and tied her up with her own shoelaces. She was sexually assaulted, beaten to death with a hammer, and Barnes set her bed on fire to destroy any evidence of the crime. 9 years later, Barnes strangled his estranged wife, 44 year old Linda, to death in her home, and stuffed the body into a closet. He stayed in the house until he was arrested by police officers. Barnes also admitted to the shooting deaths of Chester Wetmore, a 14 year old runaway, and Brenda Fletcher, a 50 year old prostitute, but was never charged for their killings. According to Barnes, he killed both victims for stealing from him.
105. Michael Zack III (1996-2023, lethal injection): Zack befriended two women, 40 year old Laura Rosillo and 31 year old Ravonne Smith, while hanging out at bars. He lured Rosillo to the beach with the promise of drugs, and assaulted her with a tire iron. Rosillo was raped, strangled to death, and he buried her body in a sand dune. A day later, he tricked Smith into letting him inside her house. She was smashed in the head with a glass bottle, raped, and stabbed to death. Zack then fled with her car, television set, VCR, and her purse. On a different note, when he was a child, Zack’s older sister dismembered their mother with an ax over an argument regarding the sister’s boyfriend. He used that story to gain the sympathy of his victims. His sister (who was simply institutionalized rather then incarcerated for the murder) also testified about their stepfather’s alleged abuse of them at his trial, though the prosecutors debunked most of her stories.

I (21f) moved out and live with my bf. My mother works at Walmart and Ross as a side job. My mom continuously asks me for money. Me and my mother don’t have the best history and I personally don’t really like helping her, mostly due to the fact that I was raised poorly by her (when I say poorly I mean poorly parenting wise) my mom is a liar, very too faced women, and when I needed help and was doing things on my own, she didn’t help me.
My mom is a selfish person and if money is involved in anything, she’s a dog. My childhood was rough because of her and unfortunately my sisters will be as well (12 and 7 years old). She always begs my sister dad for money and he gives it to her but she would always use the kids as an excuse. He literally helps her with half of the bills and he gives her money for the kids but we never understood where all the money goes because she’s always crying that she can’t pay her bills, my sisters don’t have the best clothes and they’re always going to school looking a mess. My mom is the worst human being and I have so much resentment for her. She only contacts me when she needs money and will act like she wants to know how I’m doing so she can ask me for money. She’s put us in bad situations that I had to get ourselves out of (almost getting kicked out even though she knew months in advance that landlord was selling the house)
I also hate helping my mother because she never tries to improve herself, she continues her acts because she knows she has support systems in her corner that will help her whenever she needs. I usually feel guilty when I don’t sometimes and end up sending her money anyways. I want to cut her out of my life but I can’t because I don’t want to let my sisters suffer so I try and help them as much as I can. My mom doesn’t do her job as a parent, I resent her so much because she raised my sisters so poorly and I warned her of the outcome and tried to help her parent properly but my mom never listens. I feel bad for my sisters because this isn’t their fault that they’re bad and don’t listen.
Anyway, sorry about the rant but if she would put some effort in improving then ok but she doesn’t. Is it bad that I don’t like helping her and want to just stop?
Edit: I see people here saying that I’m upset that she’s poor, I wish I could type my whole life out but I can’t but I’ll give you guys some ideas. She raised me around a bunch of child molesters, in high school I needed her the most I was bad in school, hanging around the wrong crowd, I was crying out for help, when I was sitting in front of her face balling my eyes out telling her how I felt she laughed at me and called me crazy, since that day everything changed, I became a hate filled mess, that day if she would’ve been there for me I feel everything would’ve been different, that day will always be implanted in my brain till the day I die. My whole teenage years I tried building a bond with this women but she would tell me something different then turn her back and talk shit about me to my old step dad. When he was living with us, for years he was molesting me, I told her about it finally when I was 18 years old, instead of kicking him out of the house to protect her youngest daughters, she let him stay and didn’t say anything to him. I always did everything on my own even if it didn’t involve money, everyday when I didn’t have a car and I was taking the bus to and from work in the hot sweating heat, she never tried to help me, she’d get slick with me and give me an attitude. So yes I fucking hate her. I had a discussion with her years ago and told her I am not interested in building a bond but she needs to raise my sisters better then she raised me and she’s doing an awful job at it. She wants to move this random man that she met in Haiti into our home with my little sisters, she has no sort of awareness and I had to scream at her that I am not allowing her to let that random man in the house. (Maybe he isn’t that kind of guy but my mom is careless and I want to protect my sisters as much as I can) My mom cares about men more than she does her own daughters which is why I’ve been molested multiple times as a kid. For years I have been trying to teach my mother on how to be a mother, she could care less. So everyone jumping to conclusions that I hate my mom because she’s poor can fuck off, if anything I’ll take being in poverty if it means I’d be protected and loved by my mother.
There’s more to this but I needed her as a mother since I was young and she was never there so I don’t feel I should be for her either, I’m sticking around to help my sisters as much as I can but my mom can suffer for all I care.

For the first time since his incarceration, Bankman-Fried described his daily life in a detailed interview with journalist William D. Cohan of Puck:

On a recent Tuesday, I went to the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn for an intimate chat with America’s most famous prisoner, Sam Bankman-Fried. During our 75-minute conversation, we discussed everything from Caroline Ellison and the travails of his new life, to his regrets about the demise of FTX and his forthcoming appeal.
I got the distinct impression that Sam still doesn’t believe he committed any crimes, only that he was the one responsible for putting FTX in a position where it was vulnerable to a bank run and the devious actions of its competitors

WILLIAM D. COHAN -- May 9, 2024
On Tuesday afternoon, I found myself in the most unusual circumstances—sitting on a small plastic chair at a cramped table in the Metropolitan Detention Center, the federal prison on 29th Street in Sunset Park, in Deep Brooklyn. Outside, it was a gorgeous day, the sort of picturesque and slightly humid one that inevitably reminds longtime New Yorkers of the weather on the morning of September 11th. Inside the prison’s visiting room, however, there was no natural light, no sunshine, only the Hitchcockian buzz of fluorescent bulbs and three vending machines standing in a corner. Posters on the wall attempted to compensate for the bleak atmosphere by buoyantly welcoming visiting families.
I first met Sam Bankman-Fried in December 2021, during the height of his power and influence, when he was the richest person in the world under 30. My friend Anthony Scaramucci, a.k.a. The Mooch, had connected us. On a cold winter night at the One Hotel, on Sixth Avenue, I interviewed him for a documentary I am part of making about Bitcoin and its developer, Satoshi Nakamato. Sam showed up an hour late, in a black t-shirt and cargo shorts, apparently having just flown in via private jet from the Bahamas. A month later, Sam’s cryptocurrency exchange, FTX, would raise its final $400 million round of financing from a group of highfalutin investors—led by Softbank, Temasek, and Paradigm—at a valuation of $32 billion, making the company one of the most valuable in the sector. At that moment, Sam was said to be worth $26 billion.
This week, we reconnected amid very different circumstances. Sam and I arranged for this visit through his Corrlinks email account, at the suggestion of his mother, Barbara Fried, and the family’s prison advisor. We met on Tuesday around 1 p.m. because that was the only day that visiting hours are permitted at MDC, a hangover from the Covid era. Prisoners can have visitors for one of two sessions, either starting at noon or at five in the afternoon.
We were meeting later than noon because of the staffing shortage at the facility. I was allowed to bring in $1 or $5 bills, up to a total of $30, in case I wanted to buy Sam some water, soda, or snacks from the humming vending machines. I was told to put my $20 bill as well as my wallet and iPhone into a locker. Sam was not permitted to buy anything himself.
Following about an hour of bureaucratic snafus (I went to the wrong building at first, and I wasn’t wearing dark pants—although an exception was made for me) and other forms of prison processing (shoes and belt off, metal detection, sticking my hand in a scanner) I was finally allowed inside the prison, without a phone, a watch, a recording device, or even a pad of paper and a pencil. (I knew this in advance, of course, and set about preserving my recollections of our conversation immediately after leaving the facility.)
After a few minutes of waiting, I looked up to see Sam Bankman-Fried, over in the corner, dressed head to toe in a chocolate-brown prison jumpsuit, along with the still-wild frizzy hair that has been his trademark. These days, Sam looks considerably thinner than the last time we met—it appeared he’d lost 25 pounds, at least. But he looked better and fitter than I thought he would, to be honest—less pudgy, less manic, less fidgety, no bags under his eyes.
He was sustaining himself on rice and beans, he said, because the prison food was unsurprisingly inedible, especially the vegan entrées he was served, which his fellow inmates thought literally smelled like shit. He wasn’t complaining, mind you; he noted that he was just trying to make the best of a bad situation. The rice he buys at the prison commissary has become one of the currencies of the realm inside MDC. We joked briefly about how the arbitrage opportunities in jail were better than anything he experienced trading crypto at Jane Street Capital or buying and selling assets at Alameda. He looked me in the eye pretty much the whole time, something he rarely did with people in the old days.
After we shook hands, he sat down in his own plastic chair as a camera watched us from the ceiling. We were surrounded by a couple of other inmates, dressed similarly, facing their visitors. Sam declined my initial offer to buy him some snacks but ultimately agreed to a $4 bottle of water and a small $2 package of Wheat Thins, which he eagerly consumed.
We talked for the next 75 minutes or so, the first in-person interview he has given to a journalist since he was locked up in the MDC last August and then subsequently convicted of two counts of wire fraud, conspiracy to commit wire fraud, securities fraud, commodities fraud, and money-laundering at his federal trial in November. In March, he was sentenced to 25 years in prison. Our chat, under these rather drastic circumstances, was a profoundly jarring and fascinating experience.

Prison Diaries

Sam began by answering my question about his life in prison. According to him, he lives in an area of the jail that was dedicated mostly to incarcerated women, save for the 35 men with whom he shares a dormitory-style existence in a big open room—bunk beds, no privacy, extreme boredom, and four television sets tuned to ESPN, Telemundo, BET, and a news channel. Sam said he could try to persuade his fellow inmates to change up the channel selection, but television bores him, so he has no interest in that challenge. He prefers watching a small selection of movies or playing some inferior video games on a tablet, without an internet connection, that the prison provides him and other inmates.
When I told him he seemed better than I had anticipated, he replied that he’d become good at faking it. So, yes, life inside the MDC is not the Bahamas. But, truly, I had expected to see him coping less well. At the MDC, Sam has mostly been permitted his prescription medications, and the cocktail he’s been allowed has him thinking clearly, he said, and energized for the legal battle he plans to wage soon against the verdict.
In the meantime, he told me, he doesn’t fear for his safety. He can use the bathroom and shower a couple of times a week in peace. He’s always been a light sleeper, and he’s still not sleeping soundly at the MDC, but mostly because people sometimes bug him during the night about those bags of rice, which they intend to use to barter. He has not been touched or abused, and he seemed notably thankful for that.
He acknowledged that he has a unique rap sheet at MDC, and his fellow prisoners indeed recognize him. He estimated that about half of the other 35 men in his unit were murderers who had been turned into cooperating witnesses for the prosecution in exchange for not serving a life sentence. In prison, many inmates consider cooperating witnesses the lowest form of vermin, lower even than child molesters. Sam also told me that some of the other prisoners tried to get close to him, thinking they would benefit financially from the proximity to a former billionaire. He doesn’t play along, he said.
We didn’t talk about his trial strategy or whether he intentionally siphoned off the $8 billion of FTX customer funds into Alameda. Both topics seemed moot at this point. We did discuss his onetime girlfriend, Caroline Ellison, whom he selected to run Alameda after lawyers kept hounding him about the inherent conflicts in him running both FTX and the hedge fund. (He chose to run FTX.) He acknowledged that he had asked a few other people if they would be interested in the role, but they turned him down. Ellison, he said, was a good manager of people and a good administrator but didn’t like making big investments and didn’t like taking risks. (Obviously, this seems like a bizarre aversion for a hedge fund manager, but I didn’t belabor the point.) In any event, Alameda ended up doing both.
He regretted that he had not tried harder to find another executive. He also said he should have ignored the lawyers and just kept running both FTX and Alameda, conflicts be damned, sort of like how Elon Musk oversees his various companies. Wishing he had ignored his lawyers’ advice emerged as a theme of Sam’s during our visit.

Legal Therapy

We did talk a fair amount about his appeal and about how he believed he was set up to be the fall guy—the victim of the old build-’em-up-only-to-tear-’em-down narrative arc. His theory of the case was that by the fall of 2022, it was every man for himself on a boat that looked to be sinking. By early November 2022, FTX was facing a liquidity crunch. Sam first sought a deal with Binance, which quickly fell apart or was never truly real, and was in the process of trying to raise billions in capital when his lawyers advised him to turn the keys of FTX over to John J. Ray III, which he did. Ray quickly filed FTX for bankruptcy and installed Sullivan & Cromwell, the company’s outside counsel, as counsel to the debtor.
Sam became the target of federal prosecutors, he told me, soon after FTX’s outside counsel at Sullivan & Cromwell made a presentation to them, on November 9, 2022, a day or so before the bankruptcy filing, about what they believed Sam may have engineered between FTX and Alameda, which has been described as the theft of $8 billion of customer money. In a sworn declaration about that meeting, S&C attorney Andrew Dietderich said he reported to the D.O.J. only what Ryne Miller, FTX’s U.S. general counsel, told him about a problem of “reconciling digital assets with entitlements” on FTX’s U.S. exchange, and nothing about Sam and his alleged transgressions.
Sam told me that had he not been persuaded by Sullivan & Cromwell and then by his personal attorneys to relinquish his job as C.E.O. to Ray, the company would not have filed for bankruptcy, and it would still be a thriving enterprise, worth $80 billion now. In this alternate reality, he would be worth $40 billion and he certainly wouldn’t be at the MDC. (S&C declined to comment on Sam’s theory of the case. It’s also fair to reiterate here that Sam was sentenced to 25 years in prison after a jury convicted him of the crimes described above.)
I got the distinct impression that Sam still doesn’t believe he committed any crimes, only that he was the one responsible for putting FTX in a position where it was vulnerable to a bank run and the devious actions of its competitors, not unlike how both Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers failed in 2008. Why, Sam wondered, was he prosecuted when no one at either Bear or Lehman faced criminal prosecution? During our chat, Sam was contrite and certainly chastened, but not exactly apologetic: He was adamant about his innocence, aside from a few degrees of negligence—punishable, in his view, perhaps by civil consequences, not criminal penalties and a quarter-century sentence.
According to Sam’s theory, he isn’t in prison for commingling assets of FTX and Alameda. Instead, he’s an innocent guy who didn’t get a chance to negotiate a deal with the federal prosecutors, and wonders why he was even prosecuted at all for what he believes was a form of a bank run. Instead, they just presented him with his indictment and told him he could eat it— accept it and plead guilty and then get sentenced, or go to trial and try to fight it. Since there was no plea bargain on the table, he said, he fought the charges at trial, and lost. Unlike his fellow inmates, he told me, Sam speaks to his new attorney nearly every weekday for an hour or so, as the focus of his appeal comes into view. He expects to file it this fall. Yes, he will appeal, but most people think he faces long odds of success.
On the day of my visit, Sullivan & Cromwell, still counsel to the debtor-in-possession in FTX’s bankruptcy case, filed a first draft of a plan of reorganization that appears to give its customers and creditors all of their money back, plus a little more—a return of $15 billion on $12 billion of claims—in large part because of the investments Sam made through Alameda. The plan, which still has a long way to go before being confirmed, also gives Sullivan & Cromwell, along with other FTX advisors, “exculpation” from future lawsuits related to its conduct in the matter. This is not unusual in a plan of reorganization. But Sam has exhaustive thoughts on this subject, which I may explore with him in a follow-up conversation.

Go West, Young Man

I’m not sure how much longer Sam will be at the MDC, and neither is he. He has asked to remain in Brooklyn at least until the fall, when his appellate brief will be filed. But that’s not up to him, of course. If he gets moved, which could come at any moment without warning or explanation, I’m told, it would probably be to California, closer to Palo Alto, where he grew up, the son of two Stanford Law professors. At that point, the question will be whether he gets to spend his incarcerated years in a federal penitentiary, which are mostly nasty places filled with hardened criminals, or in more of a minimum security prison, as Mike Milken once did.
If he does get moved out of Brooklyn, his family and legal team worry, he could spend as long as four months on a bus, handcuffed to the seat, making his way, slowly, across the country. Such prison buses make frequent stops—picking up new prisoners, dropping off others—which explains why they take so long to reach their final destinations. There’s also a remote possibility that he could be placed on one of the many planes operated by the U.S. Marshals Service, a.k.a. “Con Air.” But he’s more likely to get the infamous “diesel therapy,” they fear. Either way, during this hypothetical cross-country journey, Sam would be completely incommunicado with both his family and his lawyers until he reaches his new home in California, deprived of the minimal access to the internet and email he now enjoys in Brooklyn.
Just as we were getting ready to discuss some knotty issues, such as his choices during his trial or the fact that many of the people who once worked for him had turned against him to save themselves, our visiting time was up. It was non-negotiable. We quickly shook hands again. Then Sam went back to his dormitory and I went back outside into a glorious spring afternoon.
Credits/Via: https://puck.news/exclusive-prison-chat-with-sam-bankman-fried/

Chapter one
How do memories look for you? Like flashes? Clear as day? Can you remember?
I can. I can see things so clearly. I can hear things so clearly. I can remember. But only as flashes.
I’m listening to Cathy O’Briens book and she says write. Do not speak.
Even now I don’t think it’s the same as typing.
I plan to get a notebook specifically for my memory. It’s strange. Like vomit. All mingled and mixed. And out of order. And “this memory” makes me think of “this memory.” And “this happened” but then before “this happened”. And I wish I could talk to someone but then also I’m glad I’m not. Cause what if they lead me astray. What if they make me believe it never happened.
This piece will be out of order. And for that forgive me. I want so badly to be cohesive and coherent but I’m afraid everything is jingled together.
Even now I have so much to say. The parkway. The basement at the elementary. The send off. The moving. The sexuality. They darkness. The depression. The dancing. The curiosity. The principal. Hiding under the desk. The gifted program. The dancing. The willingness. The ducks. The parties. The men. The lamp. Sergio. The face touch. The blood. The penthouse. The club. The drinks. The promises. The moments. The warnings. The desires. The memories. The tattoo. The dildos. The performance. The chat rooms. The meet ups. The hospital visits. The blood stains. The positions. The rooms. The timing. The willingness. The stretching. The exam. The scared nights. The scary movies. The drunken adults. The lumber jacks. The cia. Rox. The satanic worship. The rape of him. The unknown history of my family. The wealthy in Georgetown. The dress up. The music. The handball. The four square. The singing. The dancing. The sodomites. The teachers. The screams. The need for me. The desire for me. The bartenders. The p’mers. The stomach aches. The separation. The piss. The dark. The bath. The blue outfit. The men. The bus ride. The taxi ride. The train. The massage parlor. The neighbor. The chat rooms. The men. The parkway. The basement. The hallway. The grandparents. The crib. The dreams. The screams. The fear. The bus. The bubbles. The drinks. The cops. The piercings. The drives.
Nothing happened to me ever. I was never molested. I was never raped. I was never taken advantage of. I was protected from everything and anything.
However, by the time I was 16, I was heavily and deeply knowledgeable and accustomed to just about any and everything sexually in any and all parts of my body and also more than willing.
And I had tried committing suicide 3 times and lived with chronic stomach issues for the majority of my child hood.
For what reason I have no memory.
Cathy says to write. Write and your brain will think logically. And you will remember.
There’s so much, I don’t know where to start or what to write about. It’s different on a phone cause I can go back and add or re word and re order. I’m doing this tonight cause I don’t have a notepad. But it’s all out of order on paper and in my head. But if I write, even if out of order, maybe I’ll remember. I don’t even know why I’m posting.
But I have to unravel it. Beginning to end or not in order. There’s a lot of clarity but not a lot of memory.
And how and why does that make sense? It doesn’t.
So forgive me for this blog, for it will more than likely weave a tale that doesn’t make sense and is probably not true.
Or is that my alter telling me I will never remember. Cathy O’Brien says write. And I will.
Was I an mkultra/ human trafficking subject in the 90s and 2000s?
I hope to find an answer.

Got triggered and realized how stupid I was to welcome these people - my narcissistic mother for that matter - back into my life.
Had to welcome her back again if I want to stay in touch with everyone else because since I was gone, she went around bothering everyone to the point they couldn't live in peace. At first they didn't understand why I did what I did but eventually they do understand and greatly sympathize with me.
Her? Had no issue went around talking shit about me, throwing me under the bus and all, but also no issue in trying to friend friend me and acting like the typical loving mum. Nothing has changed. She's still the same crazy woman, or worse; because she's retired now so she's sitting on her phone 24/7 hoping she could control me.
Mind you, nothing has changed with her and its been 9 years or so since I last contacted her. But due a close family member of mine died; I just had to reconnect with everyone else and they all are having a tough time.
Anyway, I decided since I would have to welcome her back too; I've been grey rocking all the information regarding my family. Why? This woman wanted me to extort my partner's family for money and give it to her so that she could live comfortably. She had and still has no regards for my kids' privacy so fuck that idea about me sending her any photo updates. This woman went around behind my back telling my partner I was a psychopath to him and his mum while I was heavily pregnant. Lastly, the super last straw for me: her asking for intimate photos of my kids and I stood my ground refusing her any of that. She threw a tantrum about being the grandma and would not risk the kids' privacy.
This is the same woman who allowed her husband to molest me because he was giving her money so that she could afford all the good things in life that she never had. She lied about the rest of the family being dead. She lied about how others wanted her house. She lied about so many things and still continue to do it.
So, yeah. She can fucking forget about any updates from me on my kids. Also, her not letting go the idea of psoriasis being incurable is beyond me. I told her time and time again that it is something that doesn't go away. She insists on buying me cream, these ancient medicines leaves, etc. idiotic.
Sorry, had to vent. Gotten sick of it and more than ready to block her ass again just to save some peace in my life. I cannot go around being angry at her around my own family. Stupid!

https://www.eastidahonews.com/2024/05/american-falls-man-charged-after-allegedly-impregnating-a-14-year-old-girl/
https://www.eastidahonews.com/2024/05/former-school-bus-assistant-charged-with-lewd-conduct-for-alleged-sexual-contact-with-8-year-old-girl/
For the past several weeks I have been routinely posting about the high levels of child molesting/pornography in SE Idaho. I have gotten some push back from people saying it isn't any h higher then anywhere else. I truly ask you to rethink your position.
Until the general population of this state force the powers that be to do something, this will continue. By not doing anything, you are tacitly approving and encouraging this type of behavior. I have written, called, and emailed the governor on down with the information. I suggest everyone else does too.

I'm living a completely wrong, shitty life since last 15years. I'm studios, did well in education and career but deep down I know my life's fucked up and gross. I feel so wrong and depressed about everything I've and pulled my progressive graph of life so down. Here're my confessions:
Age 13 - Used public bus to travel school. molested 100+ girls of any age taking advantage of rush in bus.
Age 18 - Started masturbating & watching porn... watched porn daily and masturbated thinking about every girl in university, neighbours, high school, close female friends, any random girl. Due to this, I always struggled to have a close friendship with opposite genders I had so many chances.
Age 23 - Developed fetishes and jerked off to aunts undies, bras... etc girl in PGs, etc
Age 24 - Flashed random girls in public and woman while driving to any place if got a chance to do it. feeling so gross while even thinking about this situation now. Even jerked off thinking about my sisters, aunties, girls in the family, etc.. unable to control my thoughts.
Age 25 - Started using Omegle - jerked off with random girls almost every night, watched Omegle porn and jerked off.
Age 27 - Intentionally recorded my aunt changing her cloths after bathing... saw her full nude. jerked off multiple times watching her video & deleted it after I regretted doing it. She really trust me a lot. I will regret doing it my entire life.
I lost a chance of having a beautiful girl in my life if I had kept away from above shit and had a perfect successful, content full, amazing life. I'm living with this regret now. Only if I had met her once in the right time and imagined my life with her, I'd have did everything to get her.... but I fucked up this possibility due to above issues.
Now I'm suffering from PIED, erection issues, focus issues, anxiety, mild-depression. hair issues, skin issues, belly fat, less energy, less confidence, low Testosterone. mood swings, etc.
And I'm fucking done. I want to get out of this shit. I want to fix my life. I want to overcome this shitty gross life situation and become a man I dream of becoming now. I want to build up my character. I cannot confess this to anyone. but saw the people posting their stories and thought of seeking help in this community and let universe know that this is what I want now.
Need your support and I'll do everything I can to fix my life from now.
NoFap DAY 2 - Hard more is on. struggling to stay focused, having back flashes of memories & regrets.. but I'm not going to give up this time. staying strong.

I know it is in my neurotic nature to view things a little negatively, & I try to not let thoughts like these win.
I am 21 years old and I have gone through more trauma than most, not all, but most of anybody that I know.
I was molested as a child for five years by a trusted family member who was related to my childhood best friend. I was also molested by said childhood best friend.
I had seen somebody very important to me shoot themselves in the face, and had to force myself to be resilient enough to process that as a young girl still in middle school.
I had to lie to CPS at 15 out of fear of being separated from my little sister. I have three siblings in total, but we do not speak: None of them are borderlines. Just me. I am the black sheep.
My father was a dead beat, who I had only met a handful of times. My step father wasn’t any better - a violent man who my mother only married and obeyed for her own security.
My mother was a diagnosed narcissist. A strict & controlling Jehovah’s Witness. I can’t remember the last time my mother hugged or complimented me. She usually expressed her “love” towards me with materialistic items such as steak dinners or cruises.
That sounds nice, right? Sure.
But she was an alcoholic, too. She’s choked me against the wall by her arm and told me she’s wished I was dead. She was so controlling when I was a child - I didn’t have a touch phone until I graduated high school. Wasn’t allowed to drive, wasn’t allowed to close my bedroom or bathroom door, wasn’t allowed to have social media. I only had a flip phone that my mother controlled VIA her Verizon account which would flag her if I ever tried to text a phone number that wasn’t hers. She would email my teachers and ask them who I sat next to in class, who I walked with, and then eventually she applied to work at my school herself.
I wasn’t allowed to date, have friends, go to the mall, go to the movies, go to football games or school dances.
She isolated me and constantly told me I had to represent her. Perfect, blonde, ladylike, and a daughter of God.
She would destroy my bedroom and take my little sister out for breakfast while I cleaned her mess up as punishments. She’d rip up homework assignments if I used her printer without permission and she’d take away my right to wearing winter coats at the bus stop.
She’d make me late for school to hover behind me as I covered bruises and cuts with makeup. Black eyes, busted open lips, bruised ribs and bruised legs. Her fingerprints bruised into my arms.
She’d tell me nobody would ever marry me and I would look ugly in a wedding dress. My parents have told me their love for me is conditional and my mother stole the first car I bought myself as a teenager to sell to my older sister.
She even destroyed a piggy bank my great grandmother painted for me and in doing so said “she never loved you anyways.”
I was just 14.
I also remember her sitting on my head with her hands and knees, pushing all of her weight into my skull. I was also 14. I remember laying on the bathroom floor just waiting for her to crush my head and kill me.
I remember all the nights my mom never came to pick me up from work as a teenager, and I remember us fist fighting until my hands were covered in blood. I remember the boiling rage I felt when she’d pull me into a hug a few moments after, saying to me “You know nobody loves you more than I do.”
She’d force me to sleep with her sometimes, too. Not sexually. More like she would be drunk and would beg me to soothe her through the night. I fucking hated doing it, I didn’t want to soothe this fucking monster. This rotten woman…
But I did it anyways. Because she was my mommy, & I loved her.
I did EVERYTHING for her. I existed for her.
I left home the day I turned 18 & fell into the hands of a lot of people who targeted girls like me. But I didn’t know this at the time - I idolized people and believed they could commit no evil.
Moved in with a boyfriend when I had no car, no job, no phone. He stabbed me in my arm with a knife once, water boarded me, raped me OVER and OVER and OVER. Eventually left me homeless.
The boyfriend before him cheated on me and ended up marrying the girl. He was my first Favorite Person & also a diagnosed sociopath. He told me he never wanted a family but had a baby with her so quickly..
I have a lot of issues from all of this, clearly.
I developed severe OCD, eating disorders, PTSD, major depressive disorder, but the most difficult is BPD.
I remember when I was a little girl I would cry at my window for Peter Pan to save me. All that I wanted was to be a wife and a mother, I told myself that if I didn’t kill my self and just kept holding on, I’d be safe and protected by somebody who loves me. I’ll never be hit or punched or scratched or screamed at or gaslit or manipulated or brainwashed ever again. I held on tightly to that hope as I left home and ran straight to the nearest man that LOVED how fucked up I was. Naive and young and completely alone.
Did you spend your 18th hanging out with friends? I spent mine sobbing on my boyfriend’s doorsteps as I tried to quickly come up with a way to survive. I remember walking to work until my heels bled, I remember teaching my own self how to pump gas or write a check, I remember having ABSOLUTELY NOOOOOOBOOOOOOOOODY except for me.
I’ve realized now I probably am never going to get that happy family picture I always dreamed of. My life is way too complicated for the average person to comprehend and handle. I think I have been a fool for thinking my past traumas did not matter and that I could live my life unscathed.
People love me at first - they become obsessed over me. I’m the “different” girl, the “mysterious” girl. I’m a character to them but to me this is MY real life. Once they realize that my dark runs just as deep as my light, it’s over. I think people find me alluring because I am attractive and I am socially intelligent enough to morph myself into a reflection of your own interests.
But once I let someone in, they feel blind sided. They can’t grasp how so much depth exists within one person. They do not understand how trauma forever changes brain chemistry during key developmental stages. They do not understand how hard I TRY.
I’ve tried so many different angles. But none of them work.
I think I am meant for a life of solitude. I used to think maybe I could only date another borderline, or a therapist. Someone who really really understood.
I don’t want to be a statistic. A lot of people are usually surprised to learn I have a cluster B personality type because I am just so good at playing the social games everyone is so easy to understand, so easy to see, and so easy for me to predict.
I have a hard time meeting others who are the same as I am. Sometimes I even wish I was with a narcissist again.
I don’t know. I just think, with assisted dying being an option for those with BPD & all, I just think we should not even fucking be here. Even the professionals know that. Clearly.
Nobody is ever as emotionally intelligent as I am, and no it isn’t the grandiosity speaking. But I feel like if I have spent the time to learn about myself and my triggers and my emotions, why can’t others do the same to themselves and also to me? I thought that is how it worked?
It is because they LOVE me. But they don’t love ME.
Worst comes to worst if I am not married by 40 I will just adopt. Perhaps I was meant to be a therapist… & only that. I wanted to be a licensed clinical social worker, I wanted to write books about the brain, I wanted to conduct my own research on psychology.
I wanted to do this alongside someone, as their wife and their child’s mother.
I’ve never cheated before. I’ve never hit someone I was with. I’ve never called a partner a bad name, I’ve never left them to cry alone.
I loved people until I got to the point to where I have realized I am simply, plainly, unlovable.
I have a good brain that could be put to work, so I suppose I should stop trying to love people so much and just focus on what I know I can excel at instead. Just bluntly accept the fact that I am indeed wired wayyy differently than the rest of these people, and begin to live accordingly.
I do not think I was meant to be loved. My chances at that were destroyed as soon as I was born. Before that, even, stress in the womb from my father knocking her up and then running away.
All I want is love.
I suppose a career and a cat is second best.