I’m looking for some realistic honest advice. So, amidst all the news from GPT-4o, it really has me uninspired as a programmer.
I am more than half way through my degree and I wouldn’t say I was loving it, but it’s given me a form of direction and tapped into my want to start a business.
With all this exponential growth in AI, I’m starting to feel at OpenAI’s mercy and that my days with a programming job, or a UI/UX job, are numbered.
I’m not sure if it’s going to even be a high paying let alone valid career in 1.5-2 years, so I’m wondering if I should cut my losses and work for that period time instead to hopefully future proof my self a bit more.
I want to do the right thing by my mental health, because honestly it doesn’t feel great learning something that feels obsolete in a few years. I want to bring value in the world and secure a great life for my friends and family. Please tell me your honest and open thoughts, thank you.

I’m a 26 yo Indian Male Engineer. I have about 5 YoE as a software engineer.
Academics: Undergrad from a school which has been a feeder, though not a lot, to INSEAD, Duke, etc. GPA - 8.8/10 - pretty much consistent.
I was awarded scholarship as well in one of the semesters for scoring in top 15% of the batch.
Not sure if this matters - I was struggling with depression during high school to the point that I did get suicidal and that took a hit on my academics. I couldn’t score well enough to get into top tier institutes and eventually, though not proud of it, had to get admitted to the University via donation.
Professional Experience: Company 1 - Software Engineer - 2 years Location: India US based I was among the top 5 finalists who had the chance to showcase their hackathon idea at the company headquarters. This idea is being used currently as we speak.
I was promoted once from junior level software engineer to mid level. I was up for another promotion in 8 mos but decided to quit as I wasn’t growing.
Company 2 - Tech Consulting Location - London, UK Role - Tech lead I was the project lead for a client to develop an application. I wore multiple caps here, Tech lead, project manager, stakeholder management, mentor.
I quit this job after 8 months as Tech Consulting was something I didn’t want to do.
Company 3 - A very well known Brand (not FAANG) - 1.5 years approx Location - London, UK Role - Software Engineer

• I’m part of a high performing team that generates prices for the product that the company sells.
  
• I’ve led 4 projects here, bringing in millions of revenue, working with Product Managers and other relevant stakeholders.
  
• Saved 2K$ per month.
  
• Not sure if this is relevant but I’ve worked on side projects that have improved the day to day processes within the team. (Optimizing efficiency of the team)
  
• I was also recognised, on two occasions by my Senior Director for the work I’ve done.
  
• Recently, I started working with another team that’s responsible for optimizing the prices of the product that we sell. This team is much more business oriented, though my role is technical, than the previous one so getting a decent exposure to pricing strategies and optimisations.
  

Extracurriculars: 1. I was part of the fundraising campaign in my Undergrad, bringing in thousands of rupees for the college fest from local businesses. 2. I led a team of 5 for an event during the fest. 3. I was part of the college football team. 4. I’ve worked with an NGO in London to improve their social media reach and website visibility. 5. I used to play football for a league in London but had to stop because of an injury. 6. Currently I’m building a football community in London - organising leagues, practice sessions, etc
Post MBA goal: Moving into Product Management, specifically in startups and eventually moving to entrepreneurship.
Target Schools, mostly US - (I’m still in the process of researching) Duke, NYU Stern, Kellogg, Haas, UCLA Anderson, Tuck, Kelley.
GMAT - preparing for it.
Targeting to apply next year. So class of 2026 I guess.
Ofcourse MIT, Stanford, Harvard are in my list but I am so demotivated looking at the responses to the profile evaluation of Indian Male IT engineers that I’m contemplating leaving my current job, moving to India and taking up a role that’s unconventional just to have an edge.
I really need some guidance.
Any help would be much appreciated.

Hi everyone! I'm planning to submit my application very soon. Graduate po ako from another U-belt school. Just want to know if mahirap ba maadmit sa UST grad school? I'm an average student lang kasi back in college. Right now, I have a full time job, and I'm a part-time professor naman sa alma mater ko. Nagwworry ako kasi baka I'm not qualified enough to study in a prestigious school. Thank you po in advance sa mga sasagot. 😊

Hi folks,
IDEA 1 - Demo of The Day
I've come up with an idea to both reward games that made long strides and also to help their game be seen more even if it's a tiny bit. What I'm thinking is pinning/stickying a demo to the top, and keeping it there for 24 hours. The rules I have in mind are:

• The demo has to be qualified for a Steam Fest which requires you to have a playable demo and accepted by Steam. Meaning Steam Next Fest, because Steam will actually check your demo and approve if it's at a player-ready state. We can't be the judge in this matter anyway, and leaving this decision to a universally accepted 3rd party platform seems like the best idea.
• Alternatively, if your demo wasn't at a Next Fest, but you've applied and got in, you can provide proof (both of ownership and that your demo is accepted for the Next Fest) and get your chance to appear on top.
• Alternatively, if you have a game demo that's done well at one of Steam's other fests (such as Endless Replayability going on right now), your application will be approved. There are lots of tools to track the historical performance data of demos on Steam, which would allow us to detect bad actors.
• I think each entry should only get one or two appearances a year because I'm seeing a lot of new games every week and if we allow even two entries it could turn into a mess. Plus, this would make you ensure you make the best out of this unpaid opportunity and only apply when you trust your demo full-heartedly.
• Applicants will use a similar or identical format that's seen in Indie Sunday over at games
• Title: Game Name - Company (or individual) Name - Short description (for example: "classic turn based RPG" or "platformer inspired by Metroidvanias")
• Flair: Indie Sunday
• Body: Any links to trailers/footage, a description of the game, plans for release (platform, target date, etc), any additional information you'd like to add.
• You won't get to decide which day you appear on the front because this idea should also help grow this community and gain us visibility as well. If we pick randomly or based on first come first serve, then this subreddit wouldn't gain much out of it.

Note: This is an unpaid effort, no sponsorship deals or anything similar won't ever happen here. If this gets an overwhelmingly positive reception, I'll fine-tune the details, and of course all ears for your suggestions.
IDEA 2 - Demo of The Day
This would be more similar to how IGN First functions. I was one of the core members of IGN First when it first launched. The idea back when we launched it was to dedicate a whole month to a specific game, all with exclusive never-seen-before type of content. Now, we can't do exclusive content here, because first, that would go against the idea of this sub helping you promote your indie game. If your game is a promising one, then exclusive news and content is a powerful weapon you have for media coverage. However, if you're selected we can ask for 5 pieces of content that'll be updated daily form Monday to Friday. However, if we go this route, only the best of the best demos would get a pass here.
Note: This is an unpaid effort, no sponsorship deals or anything similar won't ever happen here. If this gets an overwhelmingly positive reception, I'll fine-tune the details, and of course all ears for your suggestions.

Canada, being a highly desired immigration destination, has implemented stringent qualifying standards and prerequisites to guarantee that individuals pursuing permanent residence make a constructive contribution to the nation’s economy. In order to qualify for permanent residence in Canada, you must fulfill the prerequisites stipulated by the particular immigration program you are pursuing. The Express Entry system is the most popular route for permanent residence in Canada and entails the following qualifying requirements:
Find the eligibility for PR in Canada
1) Points Score:
To be eligible for PR in Canada, an applicant must receive 67 out of 100 points. These points are awarded according to your age, education, employment history, linguistic skills, and degree of flexibility. The Canada PR Points Calculator can be used to determine your Canada PR Points.
2) Age:
The age range for which you can earn the most points is 18 to 35. However, to apply for Canada PR from India, you must be at least 49 years old. But at the age of 46, you will not receive any more points in Express Entry for the age factor and you will not be able to file for Express Entry Pathway.
3) Qualification:
To demonstrate your foreign education equivalency, you must have finished a post-secondary certification or an Educational Certification Assessment (ECA) report from a recognized organization. Furthermore, you need to have credentials from an accredited institution that are pertinent to the NOC code you have selected.
4) Work Experience:
Within the last 10 years, you must have at least one year of continuous full-time (or comparable part-time) paid work experience in a skilled occupation list. The job experience also needs to meet the requirements of the NOC 2021 TEER system.
5) Language Proficiency:
You have to prove that you can speak French or English well. For instance, you can write the French TEF exam and the English IELTS or CELPIP exam. As a result, you must achieve the minimum CLB6 score in each of the following areas: R, W, S, and L.
6) Settlement Fund:
Except in cases where you have a legitimate work offer from a Canadian employer, you will need to prove that you have enough money to settle in Canada. This is a requirement for Canadian PR eligibility. The amount needed varies based on how big your family is. 7) Health and Security: These two factors are crucial for qualifying for PR in Canada. In order to guarantee they do not represent a health or security risk to Canada, applicants and the family members traveling with them must pass medical examinations and acquire police certificates.
It is significant to remember that eligibility for permanent residence in Canada may vary over time and that each immigration program may have unique requirements. It is so advised that you contact our Canadian PR consultants at 750 383 2132 or 928 928 9006 or 928 928 9007.
Additionally, for the most recent information and to comprehend Canada PR criteria from India, you may refer to https://www.aptechvisa.com/canada-pr-points-calculator

Many people believe that the European Union is a happy oasis where one can move freely without any limits.

But if we look at some new laws, we get a very different picture, describing instead an increasingly pervasive and systematic physical surveillance system ready to follow our every step within the European borders.
There are two main areas where the European Union operates this surveillance: air transport within the EU borders and the new Entry/Exit system, which mostly concerns those coming from outside the EU.
It all starts with the Passenger Name Record (PNR), the passenger code to which all data related to air travel and more are linked (including hotel and car rental information if applicable).
The PNR became a surveillance tool with the EU Directive 2016/681, which regulates the use of booking code data (PNR) for the purposes of prevention, detection, investigation, and prosecution of terrorist offenses and serious crimes.
This surveillance does not only apply to those already suspected but to anyone, as also stated by the legislator:
Such controls are developed through the analysis of the information that each passenger provides to air carriers when booking the flight. It is a particularly extensive set of data that allows for significant analysis activities, at the outcome of which individuals who are not necessarily already known to the authorities may be identified but, due to the characteristics of the journeys made, appear worthy of further investigation for terrorism and other serious forms of crime...
More on the topic here, if you want to know more. I write weekly about such topics in my newsletter. It's free to subscribe!

I’m looking for some realistic honest advice. So, amidst all the news from GPT-4o, it really has me uninspired as a programmer.
I am more than half way through my degree and I wouldn’t say I was loving it, but it’s given me a form of direction and tapped into my want to start a business.
With all this exponential growth in AI, I’m starting to feel at OpenAI’s mercy and that my days with a programming job, or a UI/UX job, are numbered.
I’m not sure if it’s going to even be a high paying let alone valid career in 1.5-2 years, so I’m wondering if I should cut my losses and work for that period time instead to hopefully future proof my self a bit more.
I want to do the right thing by my mental health, because honestly it doesn’t feel great learning something that feels obsolete in a few years. I want to bring value in the world and secure a great life for my friends and family. Please tell me your honest and open thoughts, thank you.

Hello po. I am wondering po if it's possible I'd be the one to sign the wavers on behalf of my mother? Or it would just be a door to my disqualification?
Context:
I am under the roof of my auntie, pero it is still my mom who financially support my needs and education. Kaso she's in Manila and nasa region 4 ako. I find it a hassle po kasi na magpa-notary and ilakad yung additional requirements if ever I chose to let my auntie, as a legal guardian, sign the forms.
Hope someone will answer.

Nobody on Earth had my back like she (my best friend/girlfriend) did. Anything I needed help with: my homework, an email, a job application, lowering my run time, getting a haircut, promoting, she was with me for all of it. She always had the greatest advice. She was insanely smart. She knew way more than I did at any given time. I always hung around her whenever I didn't know what was going on (which is most of the time.) She was always more than happy to help me. You've all seen my posts, I'm not a super intelligent guy, I don't know why she helped me so much. She put up with my garbage for 10 straight years.

Hello,
For context, I was laid-off from my position at one of the large banks in Australia after 2.5 years. In my time, I have what I thought was a great relationship with my manager and each time we had our regular monthly catch ups I asked for feedback and shared anything that I may have struggled with. I felt that she was someone who listened to my concerns and often took action whenever I raised anything that I needed her help or action-ed. All in all, I deeply appreciated her as a manager and never had a single conversation where I received any form of negative feedback. Until she did this.
After I got the news of my position being cut (almost six months ago), I immediately reached out to my networks and recruiters and applied for jobs like my life depended on it. I also asked her to be my referee if she wouldn't mind and she agreed.
Interestingly, within one month, one recruiter reached out and told me that my bank is advertising for a role that would fit my profile in another department within the bank. It will be in a space where I wouldn't work closely with my previous department.
The recruiter asked for the names of my previous managers as the new hiring manager requested it and I obviously mentioned her name, quite excitedly. One week later, he came back to me, quite bewildered. Long story short, my manager had mentioned to him (and the new hiring manager) that she didn't think I would be a good fit for the role. She said that I require too much supervision, that I did not have enough confidence and that I basically my skills were not strong enough for the position (even though the position was nearly identical to what I was doing in her team).
I was shell-shocked and wasn't sure what / why this was the feedback. I worked with her for at least two years and I did not receive any form of feedback at all from her despite me regularly seeking one. Even my recruiter was shocked and told me, why didn't this come up in any of our catch-ups. She presented herself as someone who seemed to be kind, have strong empathy and supportive. I was devastated and felt betrayed. Now I don't know whether I can trust any managers at all.

The Project Management Professional (PMP) certification is a highly sought-after credential in the project management world. It signifies expertise in standardized project management practices and opens doors to career advancement. But is the PMP right for you? This article explores the advantages and disadvantages of PMP certification to help you make an informed decision.
Pros of PMP Certification:

• Boosted Earning Potential: Studies suggest PMP-certified professionals can earn significantly more than their non-certified counterparts.
• Enhanced Credibility: The PMP certification is globally recognized and demonstrates your commitment to professional development. This can make a strong impression on potential employers.
• Improved Job Prospects: The PMP sets you apart in a competitive job market, especially when applying for project management positions.
• Stronger Project Management Skills: Studying for the PMP exam involves a deep dive into core project management practices. This significantly enhances your knowledge and practical skills.
• Standardized Approach: PMP emphasizes a standardized approach to project management, ensuring projects are completed efficiently and effectively.
• Networking Opportunities: The Project Management Institute (PMI) offers a network for connecting with other certified professionals, fostering valuable professional relationships.

Cons of PMP Certification:

• Time and Cost Commitment: Acquiring the PMP requires studying for a rigorous exam, which can be time-consuming and expensive.
• Experience Requirement: To be eligible for the PMP exam, you need project management experience in addition to education hours.
• Not a Guarantee: The PMP certification doesn't guarantee a job or promotion. However, it can give you a significant advantage.
• Maintenance: To maintain your active certification, you need to earn Continuing Education Units (PDUs) every three years.
• Limited Applicability: If your project management role is highly specialized, another PMI certification like ACP (Agile) or RMP (Risk Management) might be more relevant.

Is PMP Right for You?
The decision to pursue PMP depends on your specific career goals and current situation. Here are some factors to consider:

• Your Career Stage: If you're new to project management, gaining practical experience might be more valuable initially.
• Your Career Goals: PMP is particularly beneficial if you're aiming for leadership positions or want to demonstrate expertise in standardized project management practices.
• Your Current Role: If your role is very specialized, another PMI certification might be more relevant to your specific needs.

Conclusion:
The PMP certification offers a valuable toolkit for project managers seeking career advancement. Weighing the pros and cons against your own goals and circumstances will help you determine if pursuing the PMP is the right step for you. Remember, there's no single path to project management success. Explore your options, leverage your experience, and choose the path that best positions you to achieve your professional aspirations.

The modern world has become increasingly frustrating and stressful. Finding peace is quite challenging amidst today's competitive and capitalistic societies. Many people in Western countries are addressing this by leaving their jobs and living off-grid in forests or rural areas, striving for a self-sustaining life. While this lifestyle offers many benefits, it also presents risks, such as the potential for wild animal encounters and other emergency situations. Building a community and living together in a forest could mitigate these risks and enhance the experience. I'm curious to hear your thoughts and whether you're interested in this lifestyle. Please share your viewpoints and insights on living in a forest, and whether you're excited about the possibility of forming a community in such an environment.

Hello guys, am a lady 30 years in kiambu county. Life has been really tough for me. Am a diploma holder of orthopaedic and trauma course a course l regret doing. Since l graduated l have never gotten a job. I have been jobless since 2020. Staying home with my mum who's at her 60s. We go vibarua pamoja like washing peoples clothes. It's painful it's eating me inside especially when people talk about me. They think l don't look for jobs and God knows l have dropped many applications l have tried to see the county my and governor but my efforts were futile. When l look at my life l see no future just sufferings. I grew up in poverty and upto now am suffering. I have prayed a lot. What really pains me is my mum doing odd jobs at her age. I wish have a job to assist her. Recently my brother told my mum he can't help her since am living with her. I feel depressed l feel suicidal l have no friends l don't go anywhere am always at home. I hate this life. I have been fighting suicidal thoughts but recently they are winning. Honestly speaking l have given up on life. If anyone can come to my rescue I'll really appreciate l can do any job am flexible.

Hello I'm a student and I will be applying to study in Georgia.
However I have some questions regarding the visa process.
I'm from Pakistan however I reside in Oman and unfortunately there is no Georgian embassy here so l have to go to Qatar to apply for my student visa.
My question is how long do I have to stay in Qatar?
How long will the process take to get my student visa?
And how do I get the student visa D3 application form?

I have a problem - I am lazy! But I want to do something about it. To do so, I am looking for an accountability buddy/coach that makes sure that I stay on track and do my work properly.
Goals: Mostly "career", but also personal development. I am actually blessed by the fact that I am completely financially independent (early Bitcoin investment gave me the opportunity to retire at the age of 30). However, I am still doing unpaid, voluntary work as a programmer. I am maintaining multiple open source projects that are used all around the world, getting integrated into all sorts of infrastructure. As such I feel like my work is important and that I can always do "yet a bit more" to help society as a whole. But sometimes I am getting lazy. And don't get me wrong here, I am not talking about "taking a break" or having a free time at the end of the day - those things would be totally fine! I am talking about pretty much doing nothing for multiple weeks, sometimes months. These times are ... problematic. Not only for my work, but also for my mental health. So I am looking for someone that is basically a safe guard for when that happens, reminding me of getting back on track.
Level of accountability: I am aware that I'd be asking for much here, but luckily I do have the budget to finance it, so I'd be looking for daily check ins and motivational guidance. It is especially important that you can be there for me at some time between 9-5 in CET. How much you are there is up to you, could be 1 hour, could be all 8 hours. I do have further ideas that would become a bit invasive, as such they would need to be discussed well, when the time comes. I wouldn't start with those in the beginning either, but once I get used to be around you I might feel more and more comfortable to open up to you and give you more and more access to my life. Pretty much to survail me.
Requirements: I am very open to discuss pretty much every aspect of this job, almost nothing is set in stone yet. There are only two hard requirements from my side:

1. You are able to understand and express yourself in english. If you were able to understand this job application this far, without help, then you have already passed on this requirement.
2. Communication is through Discord. Nothing else. I am pretty much constantly on Discord because of my workflow anyway, having any other form of communication isn't possible.

If you find this job interesting, then please do not hesitate to hit me up via DMs here on Reddit.

I just feel like I’m going crazy and I need some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years.
I will try and give as much relevant background as possible so people can fairly weigh in.
I (23M) am a law school student, and I lost a decent amount of weight and muscle during finals season.
Today, my girlfriend (25F) showed me a topless picture of myself from when I had gained a lot of muscle from hitting the gym, and was sort of lamenting that she missed how I looked. It kind of stung, especially when she knows all I have been through with the stresses of finals and school.
As some background, I have always struggled to gain weight (started at about 145 at the beginning of our relationship. I am just over 6ft). My girlfriend continually voiced her wanting me to gain weight, and I continually failed to form a regular gym schedule for quite a while. This one is completely on me. But last year, I forced myself to eat WAY more and began exercising more regularly. By winter break, I got to 160 pounds and it was a big accomplishment for me.
Unfortunately, I basically lost 7-10 pounds during second semester law school finals (just finished thank God). For those who don’t know law school finals are no joke, and you really need to start working your ass off from about a month out at a minimum. I spent every hour I wasn’t at school or commuting at my desk studying and making outlines. Especially during the last few weeks, I began taking my ADHD medication almost every day. (This can also contribute to weight loss). She knows all of this. She also knows I’m working so hard to give us a better future.
For someone who is already skinny and has almost 0 body fat, 7-10 pounds is really noticeable - especially in my chest and arms.
When she lamented on my past figure, this honestly really stung since I’ve been really unhappy about it myself. Since I’m applying to law-related summer jobs basically every waking hour I’m not spending time doing activities with her, I still haven’t had the time to go to the gym.
When we walked the dog after dinner, she commented on my posture. It admittedly sucks I look like a less extreme version of the “golden ratio” or whatever. She has also been telling this t me for forever, but I just can’t get the good posture to stick. I think it’s fair that she’s really pissed about repeatedly telling me this for 3 years.
I jokingly asked why she’s being so mean today, and she asked for examples.
When I brought up the issue with the picture, I told her that “it made me feel not so good”. While I didn’t expect an apology, she refused to really even acknowledge why this would hurt my feelings, and instead brought up that she was mad to see me lose some progress. I told her to put herself in my shoes, and we continued to have this back and forth for about another 10 minutes or so until we got home. Finally, she said she was sorry - in what came across as a really half assed and not heartfelt apology.
When I mentioned that her apology didn’t mean much when she argued with me about it for 10 minutes, she got mad at me.
I tried to explain that all I wanted was for her to be a little more light-handed with her wanting me to gain weight, but that her “apologizing” so late and half-assed just made me hurt more. She wouldn’t even acknowledge that her apology was late.
I tried putting her in my shoes by saying what if she gained weight and I started lamenting over her past skinner version. She then got even more mad since she says I ask her to “put herself in my shoes” during every argument. I guess I do.
It took her 30 minutes of arguing for her to admit that her apology was late. She says that she was still mad about my posture and wasn’t thinking clearly or something along those lines.
To me - with both the apology and the argument about the apology - it feels like she was just refusing to admit any wrongdoing, even when I think she knew “what she did wrong” (from my perspective). I told her this, and she got even more mad at me.
Am I just being sensitive here? Was I just arguing about something dumb like she seems to think?
I just wanted to feel heard, and for her to acknowledge that she could have been nicer.
Please rip some sense into me if I’m just being dumb.

I have a problem - I am lazy! But I want to do something about it. To do so, I am looking for an accountability buddy/coach that makes sure that I stay on track and do my work properly.
Goals: Mostly "career", but also personal development. I am actually blessed by the fact that I am completely financially independent (early Bitcoin investment gave me the opportunity to retire at the age of 30). However, I am still doing unpaid, voluntary work as a programmer. I am maintaining multiple open source projects that are used all around the world, getting integrated into all sorts of infrastructure. As such I feel like my work is important and that I can always do "yet a bit more" to help society as a whole. But sometimes I am getting lazy. And don't get me wrong here, I am not talking about "taking a break" or having a free time at the end of the day - those things would be totally fine! I am talking about pretty much doing nothing for multiple weeks, sometimes months. These times are ... problematic. Not only for my work, but also for my mental health. So I am looking for someone that is basically a safe guard for when that happens, reminding me of getting back on track.
Level of accountability: I am aware that I'd be asking for much here, but luckily I do have the budget to finance it, so I'd be looking for daily check ins and motivational guidance. It is especially important that you can be there for me at some time between 9-5 in CET. How much you are there is up to you, could be 1 hour, could be all 8 hours. I do have further ideas that would become a bit invasive, as such they would need to be discussed well, when the time comes. I wouldn't start with those in the beginning either, but once I get used to be around you I might feel more and more comfortable to open up to you and give you more and more access to my life. Pretty much to survail me.
Requirements: I am very open to discuss pretty much every aspect of this job, almost nothing is set in stone yet. There are only two hard requirements from my side:

1. You are able to understand and express yourself in english. If you were able to understand this job application this far, without help, then you have already passed on this requirement.
2. Communication is through Discord. Nothing else. I am pretty much constantly on Discord because of my workflow anyway, having any other form of communication isn't possible.

Payment: Around $8/hr, also negotiable.
If you find this job interesting, then please do not hesitate to hit me up via DMs here on Reddit.

Hi! Wanna ask lang if there are any people na nag-iintay pa rin scholarship results nila? Been waiting since last week kaso wala pa talaga akong kahit anong updates or email na natatanggap regarding my application T-T
(I've actually submitted my accept offer form na rin earlier last week pa but I havent received the acknowledgement email pa rin since as Sir Jed told me na I have to wait for my results before being able to actually reserve/ confirm my slot kaso no results pa rin for me :(( )
Thank u in advance!

I applied to several Old Navy and Gap stores in my area a few weeks ago, but have not received any additional emails or calls. Should I call the stores directly and ask if they’re hiring? Does anyone have any advice on how to get an interview? I’m really in need of a summer job right now.

uhh should i do the gender and age thing lol (23n) well.. like everyone else here i’m extremely suicidal. it’s like i’m in a constant state of planning my death.. it’s been this way since the year started. i mean i’ve been suicidal for as long as i can remember but never to this extent. i’ve planned to kill myself tonight lol but i’ve planned many times before, written MANYY notes.. but then i usually just sleep it off and go about my life like “normal”. this time feels different. i feel like i’ve been falling into a black hole and am finally reaching the singularity. the point of no return. no hope. no will to live or change. well ig i’ll list my reasons for doing this. 1. i’m a stinker… sounds silly but i’m being so fr 😭 randomly in eighth grade i started to stink?? it took me awhile to realize it was ME stankin up the school w my chemical warfare.. i think it’s some form of tmau??? well whatever this condition is.. it’s made my life a fucking nightmare. halfway through 10th grade i dropped out. genuinely couldnt handle the bullying anymore and i would get panic attacks constantly… not a good time for me… well i mean its not like it ever any got better lol.
Naturally if one smells like a dumpster fire constantly no one would want to be around you.. so of course i no longer had any friends. and i probably would’ve still had some friends if i didn’t completely turn my back to the whole world. after dropping out in 2016 i wouldn’t go back into society until 2023 when i got my first job. i still stink.. my family says i don’t to my face but i hear them say i stink when they think i can’t hear em… not sure why they lie but i digress.. doctors and therapist also can’t seem smell anything. but when i’m out in public or at work i’ll hear people in passing talk abt how bad i smell… my mom is convinced i have schizophrenia LMAOOO like i KNOWWW i didn’t imagine allll those kids bullying me in middle school and high school LIKE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I FUCKING WISHHHHHHH IT WAS ALL JUST IN MY HEAD!!!!! also i should note… this condition has absolutely NOTHINGGG to do with my hygiene.. I PROMISE!!!! i always make sure i’m extremely clean and well groomed.. im sure everyone who passes me thinks im some disgusting person who doesn’t bathe or wipe properly but that’s never been the case so pls don’t tell me to “just shower”… it’s not that simple though i really wish it was.
moving along.. 2. i have really bad intrusive thoughts and a problem with starring at things i shouldn’t be looking at… so the intrusive thoughts started like a year into my self isolation.. i don’t really want to say what type but they cause immense distress.. after every intrusive thought i contemplate suicide like that’s how bad they are. as for the starring thing.. 😞 i think its also ocd related. but i stare at boobs, butts, privates, and feet.. i’m not sure how to explain this coherently.. but it’s like I KNOWW i’m NOT supposed to look but then my body just decides to look anyways. it feels like i have ZERO control over my own fucking eyes. and i promise there’s no sexual intention?? behind my stares.. but no one on the receiving end would think that. and unfortunately my eyes look at everyone including family, kids, men, women, literally everyone. AND I FUCKIBG HATE IT I WISH I WAS BLIND. my sisters think i’m some pervert and how can i live with myself knowing i’m causing them to feel unsafe and uncomfortable??? i’m not doing it on purpose. i just want to stab my fucking eyes out. this is honestly one of the main reasons for wanting to kill myself. i don’t even know when it started or fucking how?????? OR WHYY?? why do i struggle with the rarest fucking things?? like is there genuinely someone else out there who unintentionally stares at inappropriate things??? FRICK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE!!!!!!!!

1. i’ve been molested at pretty much every age and have always been “sexual” from a reallly early age ☹️ started w my cousin doing things to me i didn’t understand.. then my sisters uncle would grope me and make me kiss him. and he would like lick???? my neck??? idk there’s also this memory of someone on top of me while i sleep… yknow… doing things.. i was 13 or so and for a long time i thought the shadow hovering over me raping me was like a demon… 😭😭😭 i deadass thought i was raped by a demon LOL but recently i’ve going through my memories and yeah… that was definitely a person.. no clue who it could’ve been ☹️ i was too drowsy to do anything and i woke up in a panic and checked my underwear but didn’t see anything so ig my kid brain came to the conclusion that it was a demon.. sorry for the run on sentences 😞

4?? this isntt really a reason but after self isolating for almost 9 years i’ve completely lost the ability to properly communicate w other people. like i’m so unbelievably awkward.. it’s torture 😭 also i think i might have autism idk forming friendships with others has always been a challenge for me. honestly i really don’t talk much. like i really don’t understand the back and forth conversations. everyone makes it seem so easy. but when it comes time for me to respond or initiate my brain goes completely blank. tv static. i hope someone out there understands how painful it is to WANT to talk and engage but your brain is limited to two boring ass unengaging responses. also i never seem able to say the right thing. i always come off as mean. ugh. what’s wrong w me.
oh i just remembered something… when i was in second or first grade my FULL sized dresser and box tv pretty much the size of me both fell on me.. tv hit the back of my head and by the will of god or something i managed to crawl out from underneath them.. now i went to hospital and had an x-ray done and it showed nothing but what ifffffff i had some sort of concussion that’s caused me to be this way????? i’m just talkin out my ass. but seriously why am i this way??? was i born this strange?? sigh.
i so desperately want to live a normal life. have friends. not stink. not stare unintentionally. but fuck i just don’t think that will ever be my reality. i’ve been stuck in this same cycle for 9 years. i’ve wasted NINE fucking years of my life. sometimes it feels like my brain never finished developing past the age of 13.. i’m already 23 and i’ve done absolutely nothing. no accomplishments no goals no dreams. it feels like im permanently stuck. so it often feels like death is the only way to escape my reality. im so lonely. but i don’t know how to be a friend. im lost. i want to go to college but like I STINK??? so i’ll just get bullied and outcasted again. y’all im stumped. i see no way out aside from death. but at the same time i’m scared there’s nothing after dying. so i live my whole life wasting away and finally decide to do something and kill myself but all that greets me after i’m dead is nothing. it all seems so bleak.
what if i’m just a bad egg?
i’ll be rlly surprised if anyone has read this far 💀 sorry any grammatical errors hehe i never graduated 🤓 this life fucking sucks so maybe in my next life i can be born as a cutieful pampered house cat… for now i think i’m just gonna go to sleep and let the cycle repeat. maybe one day i’ll find my way out of this hell. through death or something else. who knows. good night…