Brand new rider here, planned to get my bike next week. Curious if there some groups around here i could learn to ride in. Any meet ups or connections for a 23yo new rider?
Edit: any kind soul willing to teach/go with me to get my bike would also be appreciated it. I’m just new to Denver and have no friends.

3.4. Mahishasaka or Sarvāstivādis

[wisdomlib.org:] [Mahishasaka had the doctrines] similar to those of the Mahasanghika. [Mahishasaka] denied reality to past and future, but maintained the reality of the present. Similarly, the school rejected the doctrine of the void and the non ego, the production of taint by the Five consciousness, the theory of nine kinds of non activity, and so on. They held that enlightenment came suddenly rathern than gradually.

Mahasamghika split from the Sthaviravāda (Theravada or Dhamma-Vinaya) and produced many schools.

According to the Theravādin Dīpavaṃsa, the Sarvāstivādins emerged from the older Mahīśāsaka school, but the Śāriputraparipṛcchā and the Samayabhedoparacanacakra state that the Mahīśāsaka emerged from the Sarvāstivāda. [Sarvastivada (wiki)]

Some Vajjian monks, who were possibly the followers of Devadatta, established the Mahasamghika after the schism after rejecting ten Vinaya rules. Like a few other monks, a Vajjian monk complained about the Vinaya rules. The story is recorded in Vajjiputta Sutta, which was utilised to support an argument that the Dhamma-Vinaya tradition added new rules. Indeed, the Buddha, the founder of the Dhamma-Vinaya Sasana, added new rules as required. However, before His passing He let the monks remove the minor rules, but the monks kept all the 227 rules. Only some Vajjian monks once again attempted to remove ten rules and split the Sangha after their attempt failed. These rebel monks founded many schools that united into Mahayana. The Sarvāstivādis wrote many famous Mahayanist scriptures.

Gandhāran Mahīśāsakas are associated with the Pure Land teachings of Amitābha Buddha. [Seated Buddha Amitabha statue.jpg (wiki)]

• Mādhyamika Also known as: Śūnyavāda, Shunyavada, Encyclopaedia Britannica
• Sarvastivada Also known as: Sarvastivadin, Vaibhashika, Encyclopaedia Britannica

Mahāsaṅghikās revised the Dhamma and Vinaya in their own way. The revised collections were known as Ācariyavāda as distinguished from the Theravāda of the First Buddhist Council. Dīpavaṃsa says, that the Mahāsaṅghikās did not stop after changing the Vinaya rules. They went further by laying down for themselves new doctrines contrary to the established ones. They recited for their purposes the sūtras and Vinaya, they made alterations in the texts and their arrangements and interpretations.
There are four kinds of teachings, that can be accepted as the Buddha's words – sutta, suttānuloma, ācariyavāda, attanomati. In Parinibbāna Sutta there are other four kinds of teaching – Buddhāpadesa, Saṅghāpadesa, Sambahulattherāpadesa, Ekattherāpadesa. They are not contradicting each other.
They also replaced portions of the text by others according to their liking and even rejected certain parts of the canon though they have been accepted according to the tradition of Mahā Kassapa's council. They refused Parivāra and Abhidhamma Pakaraṇa, Paṭisambhidā, Niddesa and Jātaka.
Mahāsaṅghikās divided their canon into five parts: 1. Sūtra, 2. Vinaya, 3. Abhidhamma, 4. Miscellaneous, 5. Dhāranīs. [ Notes from BPU Sri Lanka - Third Year ]

According to Sibani Barman in Dipavamsa (study): Chapter 2d - The Third Buddhist Council,

the Vibhajjavādins claim that their theories and Canon are same as the original Sthaviras (the elders).

• But that statement is untruthful. Kaccānagotta Sutta is a living proof. This is explained in 3.3.

Sarvāstivādis Doctrines

[David Bastow. The first argument for Sarvastivada. Asian Philosophy Vol. 5 No. 2 Oct.1995 Pp.109-125 Copyright by Asian Philosophy]

[Bastow:] The argument is two-fold: that past states of mind can be directly perceived; and that the temporal and causal context of these states of mind, including their karmic future and the possibility of an alternative saving future, can also be directly perceived.

In demonstrating their belief, the Sarvāstivādis attacked, the Venerable Maugdalyayana in the Maugdalyayana-skandhaka, the first chapter of the Vijnanakaya (200 BCE?):

[Bastow:] The sramana Maugdalyayana says: The past and the future do not exist; the present and the unconditioned (asainskrta) exist.

• Atacked: Singled out a thera, ignored the Buddha, and attacked the Dhamma;
• The Venerable Maugdalyayana represents the Sakyamuni Buddha.
• The past is memory, not the present dhamma. The past as memory is perceived, not lived nor imagined. The past as perceived is not lived, but it was lived, so it can be perceived.
• The future is yet to be lived, so it cannot be perceived, but it can be planned, expected and imagined.

[Bastow:] Section 1: [The Sarvāstivādis argued based on] probably Anguttara Nikaya III section 69 (i.e. A i 201-3). "There are three akusala-mulani (roots of ill, roots leading to bad consequences). These are lobha, greed; dvesa, anger; and moha, confusion." From this agreed premise the argument proceeds, first taking the case of lobha. There is no doubt then that there has been, is, will be a seeing that lobha is akusala (otherwise translated: a seeing of akusala--presumably meaning akusala-dharmas--in or through lobha). The lobha that is thus seen--is it past, present or future? If it is past or future, then it must be admitted that past or future exist. So could it be present?

• Lobha (greed) which existed in the past does not exist now, nor will exist in the future. When the object that caused that state of mind dimished, that greed also dimished. For example, one ate a certain food with greed. After eating it, greed was replaced by another state of mind, sleepiness, which was about sleeping and delusion. Sleepiness is different from craving for food. One does not get sleepy for food.
• If the same greed were to exist until now, one must be greedy the same way one was greedy for that food. Then one must not have different states of mind, anger and delusion.
• Greed cannot liberate anyone from anger and delusion.
• If that greed and all other greed must exist right now, greed must be accumulating and becoming too much to handle.
• And there were times of anger and delusion.
• Can anyone proove they are suffering from all the greed, anger and delusion which they had in the past?

[Bastow:] To allow this would involve admitting that there are in one pudgala two simultaneous cittas, states of consciousness; but this cannot be admitted. However, there must be seeing of either past lobha, or future lobha, or present lobha; otherwise it could not be that someone sees that lobha, akusalamula, is akusala. And in that case it would not happen that someone becomes repelled by lobha, detached, freed from lobha, obtains nirvana (or has obtained or will obtain nirvana).

• Hetu paccaya (root condition)
• Root (anusaya) exists but not as a plant (lobha).

[Anusaya Sutta:] its root destroyed, made like a palmyra stump, deprived of the conditions of development, not destined for future arising; [Thanissaro Bhikkhu] [Anusaya] are identified or associated with kleśa, paryavasthāna, and āsrava, and they are the ‘root’ of bhava [Dr. Ari Ubeysekara:] The seventh and the last of the latent tendencies is [obsession with ignorance (avijjanusaya)] which can be considered as the root cause of all unwholesome actions.

• Root (obsession) of greed is not greed.
• Nibbana is realised by exhausting the past kamma committed based on greed, anger and delusion.
• Anusaya Sutta: Obsessions (1): the seven obsessions

[Bastow:] The same argument is then applied to other things that can be seen with respect to lobha: it can be seen that lobha is a fetter, a bondage, an anusaya; and further that lobha is to be rejected, to be left behind, to be abandoned, to be fully known (prajna).

• Sarvāstivādis knew about anusaya, but they might not understand it as explained by the Sakyamuni Buddha.
• Lobha comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is alluring.
• Dosa comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is agitating/annoying.
• Moha comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is difficult, mysterious, deluding...
• Lobha, dosa, and moha cannot exist at the same moment of consciousness, nor unconscious-ness.
• Lobha, dosa, and moha are cetasika.
• Citta and cetasika need each other's support to stand like the two sheaves of reeds.
• Lobha, dosa, and moha cannot be abandoned, but they must be eradicated by digging out the roots.

Devadaha Sutta (2)

[SN 22:2 Venerable Sāriputta explained to a large number of monks:] ‘When one is not free from passion, desire, love, thirst, fever, & craving for [rūpa], then from any change & alteration in that [rūpa], there arises sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief, & despair. When one is not free from passion… for feeling… for perception… for fabrications… & despair. When one is not free from passion, desire, love, thirst, fever, & craving for consciousness... & despair. Seeing this danger, our teacher teaches the subduing of passion & desire for [rūpa]… for feeling… for perception… for fabrications. Seeing this danger our teacher teaches the subduing of passion & desire for consciousness.’

A History of Indian Philosophy Volume 1

by Surendranath Dasgupta 1922 212,082 words ISBN-13: 9788120804081
Quoting Vasumitra (100 A.D.), Surendranath Dasgupta presents three major Mahayanist groups as doctrinally not very different, and the Hindu authors ignored their (minor) differences.

1. Mahāsaṅghikas: the body was filled with mind {citta) which was represented as sitting,
2. Prajñaptivādins: no agent in man, no untimely death, for it was caused by the previous deeds of man,
3. Sarvāstivādins believed that everything existed.

We can observe how all these doctrines are presented in the earliest Mahayanist sutras, particularly the Mahāprajñāpāramitāśāstra, the Prajñāpāramitāhṛdayasūtra, the Lankavatara Sutra, Saddharma Pundarika Sutra (the Lotus Sutra).

the Prajñaptivādins had inaugurated the Śūnyavāda by drawing up a list of ten emptinesses. In the Mahāvibhāṣā [...] we read [...] there are many śūnyatās [...] Were the Prajñaptivādins the inventors of these ten śūnyatās or were they borrowed from the Mahāyānists? [II. Emptiness in the Hinayānist sects]

Gelongma Karma Migme Chödrön asks that question. The Hindu writers seem to have the answer:

[Dasgupta] When the Hindu writers refer to the Buddhist doctrine in general terms such as “the Buddhists say” without calling them the Vijñānavādins or the Yogācāras and the Śūnyavādins, they often refer to the Sarvāstivādins by which they mean both the Sautrāntikas and the Vaibhāṣikas, ignoring the difference that exists between these two schools.

Nāgārjuna did not consider the Prajñaptivādins as Mahayanists. Mahayana did not exist when the Mahāsaṅghikas was formed after the second schism (Devadatta's schism was the first), so they are considered as Sthaviravādis, who produced Prajñaptivādins and Sarvāstivādins. By AD 5th-6th, Bodhidharma arrived to China, and according to him, Mahayana was well-established as the Yogacara school, which adopted the Lankavatara Sutra.

Bodhidharma was believed to have introduced the Lankavatara Sutra to Chinese Buddhism. This sutra was a development of the Yogacara (“Mind-only”) school of Buddhism established by the great masters Asanga and Vasubandhu, and Bodhidharma is described as a “master of the Lankavatara Sutra”. [ Bodhidharma – the founder of Gongfu (Tsem Rinpoche and Pastor Adeline)]

The authors of the Lankavatara were the Sarvāstivādins.

[Bodhidharma:] the only reason I’ve come to China is to transmit the instantaneous teaching of the Mahayana This mind is the Buddha. (Bloodstream Sermon)
[Bodhidharma:] "This nature is the mind. And the mind is the buddha."
[Lanka:] this triple world is nothing but a complex manifestation of one’s mental activities."

Bodhidharma, known as an expert in the ten-stage sutra, was a zen master, from the Yogacara school. He did not know vipassana, as he condemned arhats. He was clearly a follower of Mahadeva, who authored the five points downgrading the arhats.

[Bodhidharma:] Among Shakyamuni’s ten greatest disciples, Ananda was foremost in learning. But he didn’t know the Buddha. All he did was study and memorize. Arhats don’t know the Buddha...

Bodhidharma did not know the meaning of arhat. Nāgārjuna defines arhat in Mahāprajñāpāramitāśāstra as follow:
[quote]
1. Ara means enemy (ari) and hat means to kill (han). The expression therefore means “killer of enemies”.^\1]) Some stanzas say:

The Buddha has patience (kṣānti) as his armor (varman), Energy (vīrya) as his helmet (śīrṣaka),
Discipline (śīla) as his great steed (mahāśva),
Dhyāna as his bow (dhanus),
Wisdom (prajñā) as his arrows (śara).
Outwardly, he destroys the army of [Māra] (https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/mara#mahayana) (*mārasena*).
Inwardly, he destroys the passions (kleśa), his enemies.
He is called Arhat.

1. Furthermore, A marks negation and rahat means ‘to be born’. The expression means, therefore, “unborn”. The seeds (bīja) of the mind of the Buddha (buddhacitta) ‘do not arise’ in the field of rebirths (punarbhavakṣetra), for ignorance (avidyā) in him has been dissolved.

[end quote] Nevertheless, the Flower Sermon, which was composed in 1036 states that Mahayana comes from Kashyapa, whom Bodhidharma mentions in the Bloodstream Sermon. Based on Bodhidharma's attitude to the arhats, that Kashyapa could not be the Venerable Mahakassapa, the father of the Sangha who established the Theravada. However, that Kashapa appears in the Lankavatara Sutra:

Kashyapa (fl. 400 B.C.) . Also known as Uruvilva Kashyapa or Mahakashyapa, he was the eldest of the three Kashyapa brothers and among the Buddha’s earliest disciples. He was also India’s First Patriarch of Zen. [Lankavatara Sutra: Glossary. Page 458]

The Mahayanists expect they could become Buddhas by following these individuals.

The Flower Sermon (1036 AD) : the Buddha gathered his disciples together for a talk on Dharma. Instead of speaking, however, the Buddha simply held up a lotus flower in front of him without saying a word. “I possess the true Dharma eye, the marvelous mind of Nirvāṇa, the true form of the formless, the subtle Dharma gate that does not rest on words or letters but is a special transmission outside of the scriptures. This I entrust to Mahakasyapa.”

Hello everybody. I’m making this post because I’ve been feeling pretty lost these past few months. I would like some guidance or recommendations as to what I should possibly do career wise given my current situation.
I’ll start if by stating that when I was younger I wanted to be a lawyer as I had a lot of passion for the field and I was an amazing debater. However, due to family pressure (that still continues to this day), I was put off the field and told that “I would never be able to get a job apart from being a secretary”. To add to this, I was pressured to become a doctor and study medicine (something that I did not want to do). The resulting predicament was that I lost my identity because where once I was excellent at English and languages and public speaking, I was pushed into the sciences. I did well in biology and chemistry but it wasn’t my passion.
Then, I attended university where the plan was to go into medicine. I had no idea what I was doing so when a family member recommended me to major in Microbiology, i gladly obliged. I HATED by time studying the degree and greatly dreaded labs. I would have panic attack after panic attack and I hated lab work.
Then came graduation and I thought “you know what I hate working in a lab let me figure out something else to do”. Because of my background in microbiology, I had taken some public health papers and the field kind of interested me but I wasn’t so familiar about it. I went to grad school and majored in public health. I graduated and worked for 6 months for my local district health board. However, I was not in the best place mentally and ended up at the doctors and I had to resign from my position. I had severe mental health issues.
Then, I decided to say screw it and I went back to university and worked part time to support myself. I studied for a year towards and English literature post graduate degree and I graduated with honors. When I graduated I couldn’t find a job so I’ve been in sales for the last 9 months.
I hate my job and I want to change careers. I want to have a good job. But I don’t know who I am and what I should do. I thought maybe teaching but hearing people’s short or stories has scared me. I have a passion to explain and help people understand processes. I can teach subjects like English, history, biology, and chemistry. I was thinking perhaps combining education with my passion for reducing inequities (I learnt a lot of the process used to reduce inequities in public health) in vulnerable populations. But I don’t know. I’m feeling very depressed and would like some further information. Do you think educational policy would be for me?
Can somebody kindly suggest what the heck I should do so I don’t feel like a burden and failure?

[OC Intro: The game is modded to increase basic jobs cost, seasonal events are disabled. Much of the crash details are based on NASA/SP-2008-565 Columbia Crew Survival Investigation Report recommendations especially Chapter 3 "Occupant Protection".]
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries. He has only a few minutes of APU power left, goes over the best clearing he can find, and radars it. It varies by only a few feet from the aerodynamic glideslope there. He spots it out on the cameras and circles to go after that spot. He's only at two hundred feet now. With one hand on the stick, he uses the other to open the pressure equalization valve on the side hatch, then at one hundred feet, gets it undogged. Depending on how much damage he's going to get, it's less likely to be stuck closed and trap him. The dynamic vacuum this pulls in the cockpit rips most of the survival pack data cards from that rack and scatters them across the landscape. Crap, I'm gonna need those! Refocusing on surviving the next few seconds, he turns on the radar for the final approach, takes a last look around, then straight ahead at his forward camera and PFD, he clicks his HANS and shoulder strap locks in; after that, he can barely move, but that now is better than dying in this crash with a broken neck. He's a decent pilot and brings up the flare gently. Bringing up the alpha on this delta-winged ship, he balloons a little, but keeps the nose going up and restores a zero aerodynamic sink rate just above the highest terrain indicated by the radar altimeter. The ship bumps a little in the ground effect, and he can see the radar altitude cycling irregularly up and down about five feet at a time. Rougher than it looked from higher up! The body flap protecting the dead engines hits first, and the nose comes rapidly down. It hits, the screens go blank, and Tightniks is surrounded by airbags, some lifting his feet from the rudder petals and his hand from the control stick. It's blinding, it's disorienting, it's noisy, and, to his relief, it's long! It takes several seconds before the crashing cockpit stops moving. How many times did he flip over? Did he go sideways and roll? Am I rightside up? Are we really stopped on the ground? The airbags deflate, and he can move his arms. He gets his restraints loose and inspects himself. "Uck!" he says out loud (without the 'f'). No broken bones. His pressure suit can take his blood pressure. 116/81, pulse 112, blood oxygen 99 reads off on his left arm, I'll friggin' take it!
The ship is amazingly intact from what he can tell. He can't get any readings. The systems test meter seems to be working, but can't find any voltages anywhere. The ship seems to be completely dead. Behind him, 10 passenger seats are all surrounded by airbags and the back of the cabin ends in some sort of dirt-and-gravel and there's a bit of daylight seeping in around the edges. He was the only one on board, though, so their deployment was mostly academic (they might have stiffened the structure a little during the crash, but that's probably trivial.) Tightniks gets out of his spacesuit. The air on this planet is actually breathable. He gets the hatch open, steps outside and-
"A green shimmer erupts then disappears, and you hit the ground."
The human emerges from the glowing green mist and hits the ground. Groans. Pushes against that ground, trying to get back up. Where am I? What's my name? I remember nothing. Aren't babies born naked? He's got a dark blue button-down shirt on. A uniform? A shoulder patch. Gets up, looks around. I feel really heavy. I'm not that fat, am I? He picks up a small stone from the ground, this also feels heavier than it should. He rises to his feet and holds it out somewhat (he's unable to fully extend his arm) and lets it go. The stone hits the ground near his feet quickly and with remarkable speed. It's the gravity, it's greater than it is on- ...where am I from? This is- ...not my home planet? "Oooh..."
"Ka?" it says.
What is that? It's cute, at least.
It is not tame. He has no hope of catching it on foot. The creature seems to like the berries. Maybe if I gather some of those into one place and set some kind of trap...
33s: First trap.
I got one! The human lumbers up to the trap and gets the catch open. Do you bite? It doesn't matter much to me; I'm so friggin' screwed.
It doesn't. It looks at the human with a sense of wonder, actually. A blink and tilt of the head. Seems almost to be asking, Is it you? My purpose? My savior? Once out of the trap, which is totally wrecked, he has to make a new one from scratch, it follows him around like a imprinted hatchling bird.
Wiry little fella, you are. You're going to need some bulking up to do anything useful. The- ...'trimp', I guess... The trimp seems just barely able to feed itself. The human lets him into the broken ship's intact cabin, and it curls up comfortably in a passenger seat for a nap.
1m03s: Second trap.
"Apparently the Trimps breed if they're not working. Doesn't look pleasant."
What are they doing?
The trimps appear to be androgynous, and these two have paired off in the back of the ship. They're holding something carefully within a few hours, feeding it berries, grass, and- ...corundum.
Corundum?? Whatever that is, it isn't a baby.
1m35s: Third trap.
Only it IS a baby! The third trimp he trapped immediately joined the other two in raising it. They have a strange diet of food the human has found compatible with his own body, but they also eat rocks! They're careful to crush and sort aluminate minerals from silcate ones and only eat aluminate. Actually, they don't eat aluminate, they're only feeding it to the baby.
2m06s: Fourth trap.
All four are raising the same child, who is just starting to toddle. It seems these fellas have alumina or maybe even aluminum bones. The human takes a nap and wakes to find the first child grown up and they're starting to raise a second child, all five of them.
2m46s: Huts.
The human found a working bit of electronics. He calls it a pad, but maybe it's more like a smartphone. It has plans for two residential structures. The first, the smaller one, he can build right away, but the second one needs something called "drywall", and he has to figure out how to make that before he can build it. Huts and houses, apparently.
3m13s: 10 pop, full, first farmer.
The trimp he trained to farm and make paper took an incredible 50 units of food to get bulked up to do the work, and now it's not participating in rearing the child. But less than an hour after the trimp started farming and pulping, the child was out on its own, and the trimps did not start another. The ten seats on the ship were all full. Well, eleven counting the one up front that the human sleeps in. The pilot starts exploring the area.
3m28s: Battle.
Wait, what are you do-
The hostile roars and charges at the human, but one of his trimps jumps in front of him with a stick and they fight. It started right when the human got far enough away from the ship that the hostile non-trimps away from the ship began to regard him as leaving his own territory. After the trimp defeats the first enemy, it continues after other hostiles.
3m53s: Shield I in Z1c5.
The human is easily able to recover the loot in the territory cleared by the fighting trimp. Then he sees something glinting in the- That can't be! What the heck is that? It's a data card that fits his pad. It quite clearly regards trimp combat. He gets it loaded into his pad and studies it. I can do this, it just takes some wood. He returns to the ship to discover that they had already started on a new child before the fighter had even expired in battle. The human concentrates on his research.
4m38s: Mskel in Z1c11 defeated.
The remains of this one seem rather white and shiny. It's titanium! This enemy had titanium bones! He'll store them away. They'll be useful someday, I'm sure.
5m52s: Dagger I in Z1c20.
Where are these data cards coming from? The human wonders as he loads this one into his pad, It's for a weapon it calls a dagger. He blinks. I don't know what a dagger is. I'll take your word for it, data card. Needs metal. He has gathered some, but ore is plentiful. He can just dig and smelt it whenever he wants. For now, I'll continue researching.
6m18s: Arable in Z1c21.
It's an old cave that trimps like to live in. Why weren't they able to live there before? How could these friendly critters be confined to only the exact spot where THAT thing, he looks back where he came from, not remembering that he piloted the wrecked ship to its current resting place, crashed? This is really strange. I'll let them fill up this cave before advancing further. Wait, what about defenses? The hostiles never try to reclaim territory that they've lost, so he stops worrying about that fairly quickly.
8m22s: First hut is 0.3% first ever AP.
The trimps seem fairly easy to please in terms of living quarters. Two move into his first hut and start raising a child. The human has his tent, uniform, and the heater pilfered from his space suit. Not much of a mud fan.
9m59s: Miners in Z1c30.
Oh, what's on this data card? Sl3niw? Oh, I'm holding the pad upside down. Miners. I can teach trimps how to mine ores and smelt met- 200 units of food? Each job is getting more expensive to train a trimp for. He puts his bee nickels to his eyes and spots another data card probably 10 enemies away. "Sc"? Does that means science? I can teach trimps to do science??
13m57s: Scientists in Z1c40.
Due to the expense of training trimps, the human couldn't afford to build them shields until now, he's got Sh1-3 made for the fighter to capture the science training data card. 14m02s: One head went into that turtlimp shell, that of his fighter, but two came out: his fighter still has his head on, and he managed to get the turtlimp's head off. It rushes off after the deadly penguimp in the next cell. The shields are not doing all that much good, actually, but they're better than nothing. The human picks up and loads the science data card and- Holy runny sugar-free fudge crap! 1000 food units, but it'll endow them with the ability to speak. Good. I'm getting bored with no one to talk to.
14m28s: Bloodlust purchased and AutoFight enabled (that delay after getting it is an effect of jacking up the job cost.)
As the human buries this expired little trimp warrior, he comes to the sobering realization that he has more trimp graves in his growing trimp colony than he does live trimps. And yet they seem more hopeful now than before I got to know any of them. They seem to think I'm the solution to all their problems or- Those two look east somberly, then notice that he's watching them and smile back and wave at him. ...one problem that is specific, but very, very huge for them. [The only reason I say 'east' is because that's right on a map, and the game advances right across a row, then up. I might say 'northeast' on occasion for that reason.]
20m47s: Z1c73, Miners taken.
Are you my new mining foreman? The trimp who took to the mining training has dark brown fur that lays flat on its head. It's unusual in not having any bits that stick out from its head, ahoge or whatever. This one is relatively quiet, and while it has assimilated the mining and smelting knowledge, it needs to bulk up to do any mining. Smelting is relatively easy, and getting a strong natural draft going in a furnace is almost trivial with the increased gravity. This trimp builds furnaces like nothing. And likes to nap in holes it digs right on the spot; it's weird that way. [Puchim@s Yukipo, and furnaces are not explicit in Trimps.]
21m58s: Farming in Z1c80.
The resourcing "books" are not data cards but paper scrolls, apparently lost to the trimps. It seems that they were civilized in the recent past and some calamity swept over the planet to reduce them to this. Did I have something to do with it? Amnesia sucks harder than a Dyson- ...what's a Dyson? Whatever, it sucks. This disaster happening just before I crash in the only spot with trimps still alive would be a seriously crazy coincidence! Something is really, really wrong about all this. [The author has not sought or received product placement permission or fee from Dyson Technology Ltd. or any resellers of their stuff, just they literally suck balls and made my favorite vacuum cleaner.]
23m50s: Builder in Z1c90.
They've rescued an, I dunno, gelding trimp? It just started to build a shed around the piled lumber I left to build one. It's really slow compared to me, and just banged its thumb, but it is super cute with that long reddish head fur. That particular trimp is also fascinated with pink ribbons and likes to decorate its head fur with them. Because of its inherent inability to participate in rearing children, it isn't counted in the population. [Puchim@s Io, builder on the basis of Iori seen building in 1x10.]
26m02s: Zone 2, 44 pop, 5.5s RC with Z0/1.
It's some sort of tactical manual - tactical coordination. Coordination! He's starting to sort out some trimpese on the research he has done so far. It needs a lot of metal, so they won't be able to implement it for some time. Hopefully, they're still good one at a time, but these enemies seem to be getting bigger as we go along. Uh oh!
27m33s: Gym in Z2c5.
It's some sort of training dojo or sporting arena. The human examines the ruins, I think I can back-engineer drawings for this, get one built, and see what happens.
29m02s: 1g, 47 pop, 10.8s RC with Z1/2.
The two fighting trimps now with their gym and coordination are dodging and blocking enthusiastically, and making much faster ground against the bad guys then a little while ago when it was just one trimp fighting at a time and unable to avoid the enemy hitting back.
40m46s: Fresh turkimp in Z2c74, 63 pop, 7.9s RC, Sh1-10, Da1-5, Bo1-3, Ma1-3, Hm1-3, 6g.
Oh, wow, the laborers seem really hot after this turkimp. He cooks it up and tries a slice. It's really awesome! I have to work alongside his laboring trimps to share it, but I'm getting used to the gravity now. That scroll we found back in Z2c10 really helped. Trimps' techniques and appliances for handicapped individuals, and I'm really handicapped in this higher gravity. He joins the woodcutters with the turkimp; they're the most numerous resource laborer right now, building more gyms, enough that the block/dodge ability of the fighting trimps is almost caught up to the enemy's ability to cause damage.
43m15s: Zone 3, 63 pop, 7.9s RC with Z1/2.
I'm neglecting my science and trimp scientists are really expensive. Curiously, that grey-haired one can't speak all that well, only says "Tai" and "Shijou", but it can write and draw like nobody's business. It's the only scientist so far. [Puchim@s Takanya: Online references probably still claim that she can utter the first two syllables of any word, but she can actually utter only the first two kana syllables of someone's name, most often the given name of basis human Takane Shijou, who also has that habit. (All the utterances of the puchidoru are based on the speech foibles of their basis humans except maybe Piyopiyo, where I haven't seen anything match up so far.)]
47m32s: Finally, we can make drywall and houses. 59m30s: Z3c77, 94 pop, 7.8s RC.
Oh, those poor things are really struggling up at the front. These trimps are enthusiastic and know no fear, but I still feel like telling them to stop for a while. I don't have the heart to keep them from trying while they're still doing some damage.
1h05m24s: Zone 4, 107 pop, 9.3s RC with Z3/4. 1h15m26s: Zone 5, 120 pop, 8.2s RC with Z3/4.
"What is that?" the human asks. He has three scientists. His first does all the writing, but the other two can actually speak. One of them hops up on a rock spire beside the human to reach his eye level.
At the next ridge line, over the lowest and most passable gap in the terrain, this really mean looking hovering sausage monster.
"I dunno," the scientist trimp shrugs, "But it's making me hungry. Looks like a perfectly cooked frankfurter from here." [John Morell's dubious dirigibles.]
"Oh, yeah," the human nods, "that's a blimp."
"A blimp?" the trimp tilts its head quizzically at the human, "How could you know?"
"I wish I could tell you, little buddy," the human extends his arm braces to descend the pass on the side of the zone boundary in the boss enemy's direction, then grunts, "Let's go kill it."
1h16m11s: Z1c9, 120 pop, 10.3s RC with Z4/5. 1h33m34s: Zone 6, 151 pop, 7.4s RC with Z4/5.
1h33m54s: TP in Z1c3.
"What's this?" the human asks, having picked up the little square document with the curling corners.
"Oh," the hungry scientist looks at it, "It's a garden path, follow me."
"You want to lead me down the garden path?" the human says.
"Yeah," the scientist says.
"Are you kidding?" the human asks.
"No," says the other scientist, "We don't get human humor. Listen, these fighters can't go, let them wear themselves out here, then we'll take the next group through this garden."
"Okay," the human nods, watching two more trimps join the fray as he issues the Z5 coordination orders, "they're doing pretty well after all that block training research we just wrapped up." [That's a common artifact, even in normal games, Z5 Traintacular combines with many gyms, enough population to add several trainers, affording Blockmaster, which is expensive on a run zero, plus a break on Tion Z5, a 40% all-stat increase. I don't think Zach designed it into the game on purpose, it just worked out this way.]
1h34m07s: 151 pop, 10.5s RC with Z5/7. 1h37m44s: Drop from Z6c39, TP for 3.
"Now we have these access map frags we can use to route through the old trimpopoli," the scientist explains, "Atlimpis for food, Morimpa for gems, Everimp for metal, and Impazon for wood."
"What about the garden?" the human asks.
"Well, we got lucky with Tricky Paradise," the scientist says, "but you can randomize the route and maybe get lucky. What's with that look?"
"Somehow, I'm remembering 'frag' as something that blew up with deadly pieces," the human says. [Different video games - ones with better graphics and worse gameplay Ｏ(>▽<)Ｏ]
1h39m59s: Blues back up to the top on series I...
"Tai, Tai!" the first ever trimp scientist stops the human just before he upgrades the mace and dagger to Mk.6 and Mk. 8 respectively. It has a note for him.
"Why do you keep calling me that?" the human asks, "Do you think that's my name?"
"Shijou, Shijou," it nods as though to indicate, I KNOW it is. Then it proffers its note again. The human takes it and reads, "Don't upgrade the first row equipment right now."
"Why not?" the human asks.
"Shijou," it points at the end of the mapped route, where there's a scroll sticking out of the thistles.
2h24m07s: Zone 8, 224 pop, 12.2s RC with Z7/12.
"Your settlement is getting crowded, there's Trimps in the streets, and you're taking heat. You feel a sudden strong desire to create a map, though you're not quite sure how that would help."
2h49m10s: Zone 9, 357 pop, 9.5s RC with Z8/15.
"You can't shake the feeling that you've been here before. Déjà-vu?"
The trimps really seem to like the new high capacity mansions, and the village has rapidly expanded since they started building them.
"There's something familiar about this," the human says.
"Tai," the grey one that writes clings to his arm and shows him a note that says, "Don't give up now."
"We must persist," says the yellow one has found a foothold it can grab onto and grabs the human's shoulder gently, "If you give up to early, we'll never solve this. You'll be stuck here forever."
The human puts his hand over the trimp's paw on his shoulders, then looks at him, "I can die, too."
"No, you can't," the trimp says quietly, "Please don't test that, tall one."
"Death is just another path..." he remembers.
"Gan," the grey one squeaks. [That's the first two kana syllables of "Gandalf"]
"...one that we all must take," the human continues, "The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it-"
"A green mist," the yellow trimp interrupts, "flash of fire, we're all gone and our progress forgotten. The wandering stars return to that day, and you again crash that ship- ...a little better every time."
"Wait," the human looks around, "have I been here before?"
"I-" the yellow trimp tries in futility to share what little it knows, "...or... somebody got just a little coolant into the-"
"Into the what?"
"This side up," the grey one's note says.
"Into the that," the yellow one points at the note, "It really helped. You- ...I don't think we've ever had mansions before."
Well, of course they didn't have mansions before. That was one of my ship's data cards. How did it get way out here? Will anything start to make sense?
3h02m13s: Zone 10, 387 pop, 8.7s RC with Z8/15; '28s: 11.1s RC with Z9/19. 3h16m41s: Tough snimp after food book, L10 rand dept from lo-hi-med 118/25/96, 4 Items.
"That's twice our frags led us to gem-rich Moria," the human says.
"Morimpa," the new red trimp scientist corrects, there now being 5 scientists. [There'd be more if there were more turkimp.]
"The question is how do we use all these gems?" the human looks at the village zoning plans again, "I like those mansions and all, but they use hardly any gems compared to, well-" he gestures at the pile of over two dozen thousand gems they've gathered, "-that! And still a lot of wood and lumber."
"I think there's something," the yellow one sighs, "I wish I knew more."
Quite some time later, after they're done looting that route for equipment plans, the trimps are again advancing through Zone 10, and he hears it.
"Tai?" the grey one wonders.
"Where are you going?" the yellow one asks.
"To the farm," the human answers.
"Whatever for?" the red one seems exasperated.
"Shijou?" the grey one sighs, then looks at the fighting front. It's been around long enough to remember, "Shijou!"
"You guys already get so much to eat this doesn't do you much good," the human explains.
3h32m33s: L11 112/35/78 rand sea, dropped from Z11c6 with disband, 4.
"What's wrong?" the red one asks.
The human comforts one of the wounded. Once trimps start into a zone fight, they have to finish before they bleed out. He's really bothered making them desert in front of that second turkimp. "They had a lot left in them," he sighs, rubbing his eyes, "but we can't keep that much dead turkimp at once, we have to leave it alive to use up all of this one."
"Shijou," the grey one presents a note, "We need this map right away, anyway. Don't worry about it, Tightniks."
"Tightniks?" he looks at the grey one, "Is that me? How do you know?"
"Tai," the grey one points at the top of the human's left breast pocket.
"Ah, crud," the yellow one curls its tail around in front of itself as trimps do when they're embarrassed, "Is that really a name tag?"
The human hadn't even noticed it since the green flash blew up his memory as he was stepping out of the ship.
4h04m22s: Block (sub-8h AP is only 0.3%), taking it, 504 pop, 9.8s RC with Z10/24.
It's a pretty thick book about using shields for block instead of hit points. The pad has the stats analysis. Sh3-1 is only giving us 9% of our hit points. Turning to his trimp scientists, he says, "It seems to me to be worth it."
"Let's," the yellow one nods.
"Shijou," it hands him a note, "It scales badly, but that won't matter for a long time. I think there's a way to undo it before it matters."
"Doing it." The human takes out his pad and starts scanning.
4h29m05s: L14 rand moun 137/26/80 is really good for a lo-hi-med. 4h30m52s: Hotels.
"Ah," the yellow one says, "I knew there was something. That must be it."
5h08m09s: L15 lo-hi-hi rand gard 129/28/82 (just got explorers). 5h09m32s: Picked up Wall.
"Dam," the human says.
"Damn?" the red one chuckles.
"No," the human says, "Earthen wall dam; it's a thing that makes artificial lakes by holding rivers back."
"Lakes?" the yellow one asks, "Rivers?"
"Oh yeah," the human says, "This planet doesn't have enough rain for those..."
5h48m21: Leaving Wall from about c70 to fetch Tion Z15.
"You can't resume the map from the same point if you start another," the human reads the grey one's note.
"We can go back to the same point on that route if we hold there and finish Zone 15, right?" Tightniks asks.
"Shijou!" it seems to be saying yes.
"Yes," the yellow one adds, "but we're out of Series III upgrades, and you need a fresh map route to start up Series IV."
"We should be okay," Tightniks says, "but if we have to start it over, I don't see that being a big deal." As they advance through the rest of Zone 15, Tightniks resumes his usual duties at the research desk instead building and running traps like he was before.
The trimps seem hopeful at this decision.
5h49m10s: Fresh turkimp. 5h50m16s: Zone 16, 1071 pop, 13.4s RC with Z15/75, 13m43s turkimp (skel in c1.)
"Z:16 Seriously? Another Blimp so soon?"
"So," Tightniks lowers his bee nickels and looks at the red one, "is it going to be boss fights at the end of every zone from now on?"
"Hmm," the red trimp looks up past the human at some random rock spire or cloud.
"Well?" the human persists.
"Yup," he says.
"Hmph," Tightniks grabs a Sw3-1 of the rack and advances towards the front, "Before then, we have another Mister Titanium."
"What does he like about skeletimps?" the red one asks the grey one as the human marches off.
"Shijou?" the grey one seems just as confused by that.
"He's not going back to the ship, and he's not getting himself killed," the yellow one smiles, "so I'll take it."
5h58m32s...
"Hey guys, go for the mortar!" the human suggests to his 75 fighting trimps in the Wall's boss fight.
"I can tell from your bedtime stories that you're used to the artillery in that other place," the yellow one gripes, "but fighting works differently here, there's no artillery."
And the human instantly collapses laughing, the scientists a little worried he might have injured himself in the planet's severe gravity. But he's okay, at least physically, "Mortar is the stuff between the bricks, fellas. That's is a brickimp, right?"
5h59m18s: Wall, 1076 pop, 13.3s RC, 1% AP for sub-8h finish, first L16 roll good 156/35/84 moun, 10 for the metal.
Beyond the Wall was a more edenic section of the trimpolis ruins, doubling the production of the lumberjacks. The trimps are actually really happy with the mode of all of the laborers moving between the three big jobs, along with the turkimp, except for the foremen specialized at leading the job. It isn't enough to boost their productivity, but the human goes to them with trays of sandwiches.
6h06m52s: 50 map run 0.3% AP...
6h19m13s: Zone 17, 1141 pop, 16.0s RC with Z16/94, no turkimp.
"Z:17 You climb a large cliff and look out over the new Zone. Red dirt, scorched ground, and devastation. Is that a Dragimp flying around out there?!"
"Hmm," the human surveys the new zone with his bee nickels, "Looks like crap. Any ideas?"
"You're the idea man," the yellow one groans.
"Set the map flag," he puts his bee nickels away, "We'll run a depth for practice and to load up on gems for more hotels."
"Righto," the red one gets to work.
6h44m34s: First DCP. (Draglimp Care Package; I refuse to call it a tribute.)
"Oh," the human says, "It's tame now, so it brings back gems in exchange for food?" He looks at his gaping scientists, "That's what it looks like, huh? Guys? Yo!"
"Tai..." the grey one sighs.
Draglimp, the dragimp imprinted on Tightniks, lands beside the human, drops some gems at his feet, and accepts some scratching behind its horns before diving into the food bowl.
"You tamed a dragimp???" Grey's note says.
"Well," the yellow one huffs, "I guess that happened."
8h18m53s: L20 depth of 154/27/79.
"Mapping up here?" the red one half closes one eye and tilts his head.
"Yeah," the human says while fitting together the depth map fragments, "With the coordination book not right at the end, we have an extra mark of coordination to take advantage of. Let's take our housing up to 2000 or so, shall we?"
"Okay," the yellow one says from a pile of logs, "What's all the wood for?" They had been collecting it for days now.
"The series upgrades follow a rather specific pattern," Tightniks explains, "Just on the other side of this blimp is Zone 21, where we should be able to find the Shield series V, right?"
"Shijou!" the grey one nods.
8h56m17s: 1% AP for 100 map runs, leaving it, 1751 pop, 24.8s RC with Z20/232. 8h56m54s: Zone 21...
"Ooooookay," Tightniks growls, "There is something off about this thing."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the yellow one with concern about their human starship pilot friend.
The human stoops, picks up the little green gem on the ridge between Zone 20 and 21, looks at it, huffs, and asks, "Any idea where this comes from?"
"Err..." the red one seems hesitant to say, "I think you made it."
"Really?" the human huffs, "How could that be?" Then he tosses it at Red, "See if anything reacts to it. It might be radioactive, so we should take turns to minimize exposure."
"Really?" Red's holding it now, "What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm pissed off for no reason I can figure out," the human says, "I think it's coming from that."
"Frags," the red one says quickly, "I think it's arranging a route. You're good with maps," it tosses the gem to the grey scientist.
"Shijou," the grey one says hopefully, and has a map drawn within a few minutes. [Whether it looks like the one in Puchim@s 1x61 is anyone's guess. That one annoyed me as well as Chihya.]
9h02m37s: L21 moun first roll was a decent 160/26/84. 9h21m00s: Starting run 5 of that map...
Tightniks had taken his anger out on some food and wood to build about 8000 traps. Now he's leaning against a rock spire in his increasingly tattered uniform. A nap begins, perhaps unintentionally.
Wild trimps are examining the pile, finding it unwelcoming, and also finding no place in the town, just mill about. It looks like they want to help.
"Ku?" it's a blue trimp, probably a farmer waiting for stuff to grow, climbs up on the rock spire the human is leaning against, starts patting him on the head, "Ku. Ku ku." [Puchim@s Chihya.]
9h23m09s: Still working that lap...
Tightniks wakes up from that nap, and the grey one is standing there. "Shijou," it says with a note of concern, although not much of one. The note it holds says, "It wasn't me."
"Oh, what wasn't you, buddy?" He stretches out a bit, feeling somewhat refreshed. It feels like somebody washed his face and hair while he was sleeping.
The grey one is also holding a small mirror, apparently broken off from a larger mirror and with the sharp edges filed down to make the edges safe.
The human takes it from the grey trimp and holds it in front of his face to discover that somebody has bound up all his hair into about twenty little pigtails. He touches them with his other hand to confirm. "Eh, whatever." He hands the mirror back and goes back to sleep. [Puchim@s Koamimami.]
9h30m08s: The following run...
"He's not throwing stuff every which way yet," the yellow one whispers to the red one, watching the human snoozing with his pad on his knee.
"You remember that, too?" the red one asks.
"'Remember'?" the yellow one turns to face the red one, "I s'pose that's better than imagining it."
"I remember it, too," the grey one says via a playing card sized note.
"If we're stuck in a time loop," the yellow one sighs, "maybe this cycle will be different."
"Tai..." the grey one admires him for a moment. Then thumbs in the direction of the mountain, "Heh, Shijou!" it laughs.
9h35m58s: Run 8, c9 of that map.
The scientists nap and take notes, and meditate and take notes, and draw stuff. The grey one often storyboards for the other nine because it's the best at drawing stuff. They have come up with a list, and most probably "order" (they're debating whether their ranking means "order" (sequence of things happening over the various loops) or "frequency" (what proportion of previous loops they have happened in). But they've come up with this, from first (or perhaps most often) to most recent (or perhaps least often):
- The ship crashes (they're pretty sure that happens every loop) - The human builds huts - The human teaches some of his trimps to speak and do science - The human builds houses - The human makes maps - The human builds mansions - The human blows up and gets himself killed somewhere around Z17 to Z21, often on a dragimp - The human only recently/occasionally builds hotels - The human only recently/rarely tamed a dragimp - The human only recently/rarely maps the Dimension of Anger
They're all agreed that that they have never finished the Dimension of Anger. What they are not all agreed on is that they've never done this conference to figure out whether they're in a time loop or what that might mean. [See also Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Cause and Effect" ...which was sort of a time loop but they weren't going back in time. It's very interesting, but its meta makes no sense - no one ever went looking for the Bozeman in 80 years? No one who went looking for the Bozeman also got stuck? No one noticed the passage of time outside the little area of space where the not-quite-a-time-loop was happening? Errr... sci-fi writers, don't be half-assed about your time loops, lmao! Be like Harold Ramis- ...what am I saying?? (That would be Groundhog Day, which grafted a time loop into a romcom; there are no other sci-fi elements. But it was a full-blown time loop and not half-assed like "Cause and Effect".)]
9h54m06s: Dropped from Z21c95...
I think it would be a bad idea to bypass that green area, as much as I'd rather not face it. Both his domesticated trimps, which are breeding up a new group of fighters, and the wild trimps he has decided just now not to open the traps for, stare at him and point in that direction. He shoulders a huge Shield V-3 and grabs an Mace IV-2 as well and announces, "We're doing it." Thus equipped, he marches off into the Dimension of Anger.
10h27m53s: Taking Pi4-2; recently had taken Pa4-2...
The group at the front had expired, and the snimp in DoAc95 glares at the advancing colony of trimps, which had halted only because of it. It refuses to counterattack the vulnerable colony and its human, instead snorting and huffing, waiting for the next bunch of 232 fighting trimps to come in range.
Tightniks runs along the line of traps, releasing the recently tamed trimps, singing a song that he doesn't remember the meaning of, that he doesn't remember was crafted by an ethnically Chinese guy out of an African language, and later mastered by two caucasians over the internet before they ever met in person. "Baba yetu yetu uliye, mbinguni yetu yetu amina..." because it just happened to be stuck in his head. [Because the Doylian author decided on a whim to. Christopher Tin got it into Civilization IV and at the time (2010 July), I made the best video for it on YouTube, which got subsequently blown to shreds when Peter Hollens and Malukah re-recorded the song from scratch in their own voices and instruments in 2014, pity with no English translation, the purpose of my video.]
Noticing the last batch of metal he needs coming out of the furnace, he waves the waiting grey scientist to fire up the forge [to use the term properly and not as the game does], for it was time to wrap up the forging dies for the Spetum IV, Mark 2 pike heads.
"Shijou!" the grey one cheers, setting aside a snack that looks like maybe ramen, and starts jumping up and down on the bellows handle.
It takes a while for the human to chip out the tip in the two halves of the forging die, and then polish it, and then heat it up in the forge, and then quench it, inspect it, and put it into service crafting thousands of new pike heads for the fighting trimps.
But only one second passed on the map frame clock (10h27m54s) four cells behind that snimp, in the case being brooded over by this huge, and if it's honest, rather concerned megablimp.
10h35m45: Portal PB, 45 He, 4.247 He/hr, 1891 pop, 22.7s RC with Z20/232, no turkimp.
The last head of the map's boss monster goes limp as one of the fighting trimps' mace heads bounces of it, and the huge thing settles on its tail, resting on the package that seems to be the prize of this map. And there's a popping sound, and then something mechanical.
Is that a scroll compressor? Tightniks looks at the package. The deflating monster's lifting envelope material drapes over everything underneath it. "Red, Shijou!" he snaps and points, "roll up that side of it. Keep this part from sucking down on the extractor nozzle!"
All ten of the scientists jump in, literally, pushing the gas in the bag towards the compressor. Tightniks as well, rolling up the front.
Until he kicks, and nearly trips over, a smaller package that might be the explanation for the reason why the center of the monster's defense seemed to be a little away from the big package he could see. It's in the right place, he realizes. He gets it uncovered and reads stenciled-and-sprayed block letters on it:
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE DOWN"
Perhaps the Dimension of Anger is so named because of the rage suddenly rising up in Tightniks' throat. It isn't so much as the free-floating aggression suddenly has an answer, there is definitely a fresh batch of rage and anger as he grips the nearest Mace IV, Mark 3 with both hands and gets it over his shoulder, its target obviously this object, anger at the realization he screams at the top of his lungs, "We are stuck in a mutha FAH-king time loop!!" His swing begins. [Tightniks almost never cusses, unlike Snugniks.]

Can anyone speak to the level of pre-planning care they have received or to the quality of the service they have had through jaw surgery in the Kaiser system? I live in Los Angeles and have a Kaiser HMO but just had a consult with an out of network surgeon who used to work with them for years. I feel like the level of consideration and care may be much better with him (and the technology more advanced) I’m weighing the possibility of changing insurance to BCBS and having to pay for the surgery and get reimbursements through Blue Cross Blue Shield after open enrollment (only catch is I don’t have $60-$100k cash laying around in my bank account…) Kaiser seems more like a factory for this type of surgery and after reading “confessionsofametalmouth” blog I got scared lol. I’m hoping to be reassured that Kaiser is great to go with since it would be the easiest and most affordable route.
Kaiser is the most straight forward and streamlined and the most likely insurance to cover this entire surgery, but I’ve heard that they don’t have the best surgical pre-planning or use the most state of the art technology to render the aesthetic result like other private practices might. I’ve also heard that they only give the surgeons 30 minutes to prepare for the surgery and there is much less back and forth in the pre planning process about the final aesthetic outcome. Of course these surgeons see a high volume of patients and have a ton of experience, but my face is my only face and it takes a lot of trust to let someone change it without seeing any kind of rendering or approximation of the outcome. Sorry this was so long… would love any advice or to hear about people’s experiences!

Hello everybody. I’m making this post because I’ve been feeling pretty lost these past few months. I’m 25 years old and I would like some guidance or recommendations as to what I should possibly do career wise given my current situation.
I’ll start if by stating that when I was younger I wanted to be a lawyer as I had a lot of passion for the field and I was an amazing debater. However, due to family pressure (that still continues to this day), I was put off the field and told that “I would never be able to get a job apart from being a secretary”. To add to this, I was pressured to become a doctor and study medicine (something that I did not want to do). The resulting predicament was that I lost my identity because where once I was excellent at English and languages and public speaking, I was pushed into the sciences. I did well in biology and chemistry but it wasn’t my passion.
Then, I attended university where the plan was to go into medicine. I had no idea what I was doing so when a family member recommended me to major in Microbiology, i gladly obliged. I HATED by time studying the degree and greatly dreaded labs. I would have panic attack after panic attack and I hated lab work.
Then came graduation and I thought “you know what I hate working in a lab let me figure out something else to do”. Because of my background in microbiology, I had taken some public health papers and the field kind of interested me but I wasn’t so familiar about it. I went to grad school and majored in public health. I graduated and worked for 6 months for my local district health board. However, I was not in the best place mentally and ended up at the doctors and I had to resign from my position. I had severe mental health issues.
Then, I decided to say screw it and I went back to university and worked part time to support myself. I studied for a year towards and English literature post graduate degree and I graduated with honors. When I graduated I couldn’t find a job so I’ve been in sales for the last 9 months.
I hate my job and I want to change careers. I want to have a good job. But I don’t know who I am and what I should do. I thought maybe teaching but hearing people’s short or stories has scared me. I have a passion to explain and help people understand processes. I can teach subjects like English, history, biology, and chemistry. I was thinking perhaps combining education with my passion for reducing inequities (I learnt a lot of the process used to reduce inequities in public health) in vulnerable populations. But I don’t know. I’m feeling very depressed and would like some further information. Do you think educational policy would be for me?
Can somebody kindly suggest what the heck I should do so I don’t feel like a burden and failure?

Hey y’all I’m strugglin. Buckle up if you’re here for it.
Just had a long conversation with my boyfriend of 7 months and logically we both agreed we probably can’t continue to be together at this time until I essentially “get my shit together” - my words, not his. I’ve been pretty much rapid cycling the entire time we’ve been together. It’s been a really hard year for me (since I broke my leg last Feb, adderall fucking my mind and body up for 9 months, quitting job, struggling to find a new one, adopted dog, dog attacked me, had to bring dog back, etc) but he has brought so much light to my life and is grounding when I’m around him. But also the stress of trying to be a good partner and there for him and to accept love has added to my instability. This aversion to love, plus the rapid cycling, has led me to push him away more and more. And when I’m hypo I just can’t bear the thought of being around him as “not myself” and dragging him in to my chaos - and that’s if I’m aware of being hypo. Other times I’m so wrapped up in my hypo bullshit that I just bail on everything and do whatever the fuck I want. Other times I just genuinely want to be alone. I’m very independent and need a lot of alone time. Some of that is definitely depression also. He is more codependent, very sensitive, loving, kind, patient, and a pretty stable and structured individual. He has helped me to see so much about myself and relationships and how it could be. But I keep getting in my own way - and then the rapid cycling!! I feel stuck in this hamster wheel and it is taxing on the both of us. I cancel plans constantly or am not present sometimes when we are together. We haven’t said I love you. I think he has been waiting for me because he knows I have issues around love and relationships and that it would take time. But now that I’m back home and crying into my NA beer and a rare cigarette (lol) - I think I am finally accepting the fact that I love him. I don’t want to lose him, but the pressure of being in a relationship is overwhelming. I know I’m being hard on myself, but I feel like a terrible gf. Is there a solution? Maybe just having one specific day a week that we get together for now? No matter how I’m feeling? I also have adhd and the structure would help hold me accountable. I’ve been trying to find a therapist since striking out with a few over the past couple years. And I need to get my med cocktail straightened out (I do have a psych but she doesn’t therapize me). We both agree that that is absolutely necessary - therapy + my med shit. Not only for myself but also if our relationship is to stand a chance.
I am 31f, he is 29m - it is both of ours first real relationship. I’ve had some others but not with someone who really loved me - they were mostly toxic and the longest was about 7 months. He is quite inexperienced in the romance and dating department.
We decided to sit on things and talk again after processing a bit.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you 🙏 ❤️

I've got a bachelor's in International Relations, an MBA in Renewable Energies, have been teaching English for 5 years on and off in the past 10 years. I was born in Brazil and lived in the US for nearly 8 years. Do I stand any chance of getting a decent EFL job in SE Asia? If so, whereabout?
I do plan on getting a CELTA at the end of the year - I currently have an online 120-hour TEFL cert.
I've got solid experience working for major companies in the Oil&Gas industry but after experiencing a burnout crisis, I decided to quit my job cold turkey and rebuild my life. I've been teaching on some online platforms but would love to get an in-person job, and do some traveling around Asia if I manage to save money for that while I work.
p.s: I do have a fairly neutral accent, americanish I'd say. Even some natives asked me couple times if I had a US citizenship.
Am I being delusional?
Tks

I am a current junior, I go to a public Atlanta suburb high school (450 kids in my senior class)

• uva is my dream school and I’d love to go here

Major - finance/mechanical or biomedical engineering
Stats:
Current act - 27 (aiming for a 32+ in coming tests)
SAT - didn’t take
GPA - UW 3.83, W 4.35
Class rank - school doesn’t rank, but I’d be top 15% of class.
Course work - AP us history, AP stats, AP pre calc, AP psych, AP human geography, AP lang, AP macro, AP environmental science, 3 dual enrollment classes online (all A’s)
Extracurriculars

1. Vice President of Foster care support club, raising around $1,500 per year for local foster cares around metro Atlanta area
2. Founder and co President of financial literacy club - teach students at our school the benefits of learning how to do taxes, and real life knowledge to help them in the future
3. JDRF Youth ambassador (I’m a type 1 diabetic) - raise and campaign money for diabetes research, and I did a hospital shadow with an endocrinologist.
4. Children’s hospital volunteering - I was diagnosed with T1D in January of 2024, so I’m doing some volunteering with new found diabetes patients in the hospital to give them a sense of calmness.
5. Held a job throughout senior year - working 20+ hours a week from fall semester, (really good recommendation from my manager)
6. Varsity lacrosse captain - 3 years varsity lacrosse player, promoted to captain this year
7. Student government involvement

Essays - I used to live in Charlottesville, so I think I’m gonna write my why uva essay about how much I miss living there and display all my memories about living in Charlottesville as a child and how it’s made me who I am today as a person.

• I also am gonna write about my recent diabetes diagnosis and how hard it was to cope back into school and sports, but how the diagnosis was a blessing in disguise and help my build my character as a person.

Please lmk what you think my chances are for some of these other schools that are on my list!
Reaches - 1. UVA (dream school) 2. Tulane 3. Umich 4. UNC Chapel hill 5. Boston college (Super good rec for here)
Targets 1. Maryland college park 2. Wisconsin 3. Georgia (in state) 4. Georgia tech (in state) - should be a reach
Safety’s 1. Auburn 2. Virginia tech
Thank you!

I 24F have just started talking to 25M. He seems very interested. Right off the bat started calling me sweetheart. I just don’t know if it’s too soon for pet names? We haven’t met yet, our first date is in a couple of days. He’s also making plans; like teaching me how to drive stick, running errands together. Asking if I’ve eaten dinner, telling me to stay hydrated, telling me everything he is up to. It honestly feels very coupley.
I have honestly been single for 3 years. My last relationship was abusive, so maybe I have formed an avoidant attachment style. He seems really nice so maybe I’m just being ridiculous.

If any recent past students of these courses would be able to help me I’d be extremely grateful. I’m planning on taking both these courses next fall and was hoping to get the textbooks in advance. I’ve seen on syllabi from 2-3 years ago that Atkins physical chemistry is typically the book used for physical chemistry one and two. I also saw that on the fall 2022 syllabus for phys 230 (taught by Hong Guo who is teaching it again this year) that the book “An introduction classical mechanics” by David Morin was used (and has been used for the course since at least 2014). Is it fairly safe for me to assume that these are the textbooks that will be used again this year?

Hello dear members!
Hope this finds you to be well :)
I am happily engaged to my fiancé who is in Nairobi, Kenya (a Kenyan Citizen). I am the USC. I wish to bring my fiancé to the US to live with me soon after marriage.
Here is the situation:
My fiancé was previously married to another person in India about 7-9 years ago under the islamic ceremony and had a nikah-nama. They had not registered the marriage under the marriage registrar.
Later they divorced after about 1.5 year, once again under the islamic talaq ceremony. However, my fiancé had returned to Kenya and the ex-spouse (the Indian citizen) was in India. So my fiancé had a power-of-attorney person (called as 'vakalat' in islam) be the signatory person on the islamic divorce (which was the 'murbahat' type, meaning mutually agreeable divorce).
So in short, there is no divorce decree from the court for this divorce that took place in India.
Now I am planning ahead for all the documents needed and do not want to end up in a situation where I get married to my fiancé before making sure that the previous marriage is legally binding for US immigration purposes and am helping navigate the journey to find and source confirmed cases of similar situation and confirmation that the islamic divorce document is valid.
I read on the India reciprocity page (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/Visa-Reciprocity-and-Civil-Documents-by-Country/India.html), that the islamic divorce and its certified translation (since it is in a non-English language) is valid for US immigration. But then, I came across this case (https://www.uscis.gov/sites/default/files/erB9 - Battered Spouse or Child/Decisions_Issued_in_2009/Jan262009_06B9204.pdf) where the USCIS had denied the 'islamic marriage' part of their complicated situation. Although the ruling was legal since they had a Hindu and an Islamic marriage, the concerning thing for me is this statement in the initial rejection of the I-130 petiion quoted from the case document:
Quote Although your religious divorce is recognized in India as a legal divorce, this is not recognized as a legal divorce for immigration purposes. In order for the legal termination of a marriage to be considered valid for immigration purposes, it must have been registered with a civil authority.
I just wanted so re-assurance that the translation of my fiancé's talaq islamic divorce certificate will be accepted at all stages of US immigration up until the eventual N-400 application, especially since she is in Kenya. I don't know if they will use the Kenyan reciprocity (which states court divorce decree is must) or the Indian reciprocity to evaluate my fiancé's previous divorce document.
At this stage, my fiancé has no contact with the ex-spouse and it would be a huge hassle for filing a court divorce (especially that my fiancé is a Kenyan citizen residing in Kenya currently.
Few other notes: Under the Kenyan marriage act of 2014, islamic divorce is acceptable and can be registered (but no divorce decree will be issued). (https://kenyalaw.org/kl/fileadmin/pdfdownloads/Acts/TheMarriage_Act2014.pdf). However US immigration does not accept this in the Kenya reciprocity page on the state department website.
Under the Indian act(s) of "Muslim Personal Law (Shariat) Application Act, 1937." (https://www.indiacode.nic.in/bitstream/123456789/2303/1/A1937-26.pdf), and "Dissolution of Muslim Marriages Act, 1939" (https://www.indiacode.nic.in/bitstream/123456789/2404/1/193908.pdf); the islamic divorce document issued in India (talaq-nama) 'seems' to be legally binding for India as well as for US immigration.
Just too many facts/points here to make a conclusive understanding of what to do and to reassure myself.
Thanks a ton for your time to read through this patiently!!

Title pretty much says it but here’s my scenario.
I work as a teacher as my primary source of income. I also do gig work on the side. A typical month my pay spread is 60% if my income comes from teaching and 40% work comes from gig work. However, the gig work isn’t always reliable and months where it doesn’t come through, can be pretty tight. I have a 6 month emergency fund and I’m on pace to max out my Roth (not eligible for HSA.)
My question is once my Roth is maxed out for the year, and I move to step 6, what should I do? My initial thought was to increase my contributions to my 403b (employer retirement plan) but I’m iffy on that just because of the aforementioned tight months when gig work isn’t good. Are there other options I should consider here? What do you all think?

This one right here... https://www.reddit.com/martialarts/comments/1cm05tl/what_do_you_think_of_the_statement_bad_people_are/
It was fun so here's the long follow up. That bad advice that random older dudes kept giving me was the least worrying thing in those three hours of analyzing that church's security measures. I hit up a friend of mine that has a whole lot more security-specific training than I do just to see if I was overthinking things. Bro has taught me a lot, and I still try to make the trip once or twice a year to train with him. Between emails and a phone call I think I did a pretty good job of compiling our conversation. Most of the convo is also here but I'm not a shameless self-promoter on Tuesdays.
This isn't so much about martial arts or fighting or self-defense, but it probably is helpful and good discussion because a lot of you would hopefully give a crap about these same issues.
DC (Me): When I arrived I drove around the building and no one was posted at any of the 3 front entrances, at least not outside and visible. There was always someone at either of the 2 back entrances and the 1 north end entrance.
TF (The Friend): If someone is truly invested in safety they would have all doors covered, including the main entrance(s). Now maybe their thinking is the main entrance is where people come and go and it might be “uncomfortable” for visitors however we are talking about KEEPING PEOPLE ALIVE. To me that is worth the slight discomfort. And one way they could accomplish it without having to make it an uncomfortable experience is put “greeters” at the main entrance dressed in their Sunday best but they are actually part of the security response team. Those greeters need training in profiling, body language, situational awareness and of course the surface level expected things (firearm, hand to hand, situation specific training such as an active threat). Also does this place have security cameras? Security cameras need to monitor the entire property. And keep in mind people stake out places, plant things at places, etc during off hours. Cameras are a must. Want to make some money? Offer to install a system for them. I’ll help you.
DC: There was no mention to me of where first aid kits and AEDs are located in the building. I know where one AED is on the lower floor but it’s a 4-story building. Considering that I was outside the most heavily-traveled door, it would seem prudent for me to know where those are if I see someone get hit by a car or grab their chest and fall down.
TF: An emergency doesn’t always mean a violent situation. It could be someone suffering a heart attack, a child getting run over by a car driven by an 80 yr blind church goer or just a simple amputation of a finger because they are making sandwiches in the church kitchen. Every single floor needs to have multiple AEDs and COMPLETE first aid kits (that’s a whole class in itself – how to stock a first aid kit). I say multiples because you want quick easy access to one of those item no matter where you are at in the building. I don’t know how big the place is but even starting just by putting a complete first aid kit and AED at the N and S ends of the building is a good start along with training the congregation on CPR. You don’t need the piece of paper from a class, just get someone who knows how to come teach.
DC: Along the same line, no emergency action plans were provided. What to do if part of the building has to be evacuated for a fire or smoke? In case of severe weather or tornado threats what parts of the building should be evacuated and what are the safest areas to move people to until the danger passes? They might have these plans somewhere, but what’s the point if you don’t share them with the ones who would have to execute them.
TF: This is a mistake. There has to be an evacuation plan to remove as many people as possible from the building should something occur (fire, active threat, etc). If there are tornado shelters obviously that’s the safe spot for that specific situation. Many times the evacuation plan put in place can be used for multiple threats (active threat, fire, chemical spill, etc) because it’s about removing the people AWAY from the danger. And YES you are 1000% right those plans/routes need to be shared with EVERYONE in the congregation. When people do not know what to do or where to go there will be chaos, always. The people in charge might THINK they are going to be the go to person to provide guidance and manage the crowd but I will tell you when shit hits the fan no one is listening to them. People will be stepping on their own just to get out. With that being said, any evacuation plans that are created need to be drilled by the entire congregation. It could be done 10m before church for the next 6 Sundays to make sure EVERYONE knows the plan.
DC: It gets worse. There actually is no active shooter plan in place. Apparently some Lt. with the local police department will be doing an active shooter training in the future. I'll be in attendance with the lowest hopes in the room.
TF: This should be interesting and disappointing. My first question to him would be “What are your qualifications/experience to teach this? Have you experienced it first hand?”. Or is everyone looking at him because of his “label” which really means nothing other than that is his occupation that allows him to pay his electric bill. I have yet to see (other than myself) anyone put on a close to reality active shooter training session. Most people (law enforcement included) do powerpoint presentations. Unfortunately many “experts” teaching how to survive an active shooter situation think 4 hour Powerpoint presentations, statistics and cute acronyms are properly training people to survive one of the worst experiences a person could face. Powerpoint presentations do not save lives… ACTION saves lives! You know that though.
DC: Same with an active stabber, no plans there. Or at least no one could show me a plan.
TF: Same as the active shooter.
DC: Here's one you'll love. In the event of a person being violent, the directions I was given were to stay away, make a call over the radio, and let someone else come deal with it. They're also bringing in another security consultant (a former Navy SEAL, just like those three guys who all claim they killed bin Laden) to do de-escalation training at some point. I'm skipping that shit.
TF: I’ve always said if you can remove yourself from a situation that is the best way to increase your odds of staying alive. HOWEVER – there are some situations where immediate action is needed NOW! Especially if you are responsible for the safety of others the goal is to not only eliminate the threat but also minimize damage (limit the casualties). The other night we worked full blown knife attacks. I asked someone to demo with me. I slaughtered him with 20+ stabs/slashes in about 5 seconds and that was before he hit the ground and I mounted and continued. My point – the longer an event goes on the more damage innocents will experience. If you have time to go make a phone call then you have time to take effective action that works towards eliminating the threat and minimizing damage. Their suggestion to call someone else is so typical of people who have no concept of how violence really works (let someone else handle your problem…lol). No one cares for your life more than you do. It’s your responsibility. And regardless of what someone’s propaganda says about their label it still takes time to make a phone call, it takes time for someone to arrive and even when they arrive there is no guarantee they will even engage the threat. The overall goal for ALL VIOLENT ENCOUNTERS is to make the even AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE. The longer a violent event continues the odds of you leaving lessen and the odds increased causalities goes through the roof.
Poster's note: When he and I say we're going to train someone in knife attacks rather than knife defenses. The partner (the attacker) is going to be training on how to freaking stab you just as hard as you're training to resist being stabbed.. Rubber knife, protective gear and 100% stabbing vs 100% resistance, for advanced students, is a fun time. If you're wearing the pads you're going to get your ass kicked. He wasn't actually training his class how to go on stabbing sprees.
DC: This was one that’s not even related to fight skills or ability to engage a threat. There was not even a quick introductory rant on recognizing suspicious people or behavior. The more I talked to other volunteers the more I realized none of them had a clue.
TF: This is touched on in my answer to your first question. People who are determined to execute violent activity do not walk around with signs or flashing lights. It’s not always obvious like in the movies. They blend in and lay low until the moment to take action. These church people have no clue what they are doing. It’s all what I call “surface level thinking” meaning the basic stuff your average person who is inexperienced in the subject thinks of – “Get a police officer officer in our group to teach us something.” Teach you what? How to hand out traffic citations? “We have retired military this or that and retired law enforcement and a former rodeo clown who are packing heat during church.” Ok have they ever dealt with using their weapon when there is mass chaos and people screaming/running everywhere? Bullets only travel in a straight line and do not go around innocents if they are in the way. But just because someone has a firearm doesn’t mean they have the mindset to use it.
DC: You’ll love this one. 5 minutes before the church service let out we were told to call it quits for the day, before everyone in the building started filing out to the parking lot at one time.
TF: Do you mean the response team was training, etc and the church had you guys leave 5 minutes before the congregation got out? That ties exactly into my comment in question #1 about appearance/comfort level. Why hide it? Is there anyone in the church (or the world for that matter) that would disagree the world is getting more violent? Everyone knows it is… they’ve either experienced it or seen/heard news stories so why not put it out there that the church takes the safety and well being of their members SERIOUSLY? I have a saying I came up with once when I was talking to a place about active shooter training and they said it couldn’t be hands ons and they were hoping more for like a speaking engagement because their policy doesn’t allow physical contact. My response – “Until you put people before your policies, your people will continue to die.” And that’s just plain truth. Everyone is so worried about policy/comfort level they are putting that before the actual goal of saving people’s lives. If you are getting ready for a championship basketball game what should you do in practice? Play some damn basketball. Well if you are wanting to learn how to save your life/others in a violent situation what should you practice? VIOLENCE. Why would you do ANYTHING ELSE in practice than what you are preparing for? It’s not logical. I think the congregation would approve and love the idea that “their church cares”.
DC: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the building’s security measures? Is it fucked, or am I crazy and overthinking it because I am oddly OCD about details sometimes?
TF: I would give them a grade of 2 (at best) out of 10. You are 1000% on point on everything. You have training. You understand violent situations but you’ve been trained by someone and a group that has experienced it and knows how violence REALLY unfolds. The people who are in charge with this “security” policy at your church have ZERO experience and ZERO training. Imagine this - would you want a surgeon who has no education in operation and no experience to attempt to perform a life saving surgery on you? A question I would ask them is - "How SERIOUS are you about saving lives?"

Howdy y'all. I haven't posted for awhile so I thought I'd give another short story a try. This takes place during Chapter 2 after Kris, Susie and Ralsei split temporarily leaving Kris alone. Hope you enjoy.
An Honest Conversation
Kris, Susie and Ralsei came up to a split in the road in Cyber City, Ralsei noting the occasion by walking up in front of the group and looking towards Kris and Susie as they wondered what he had to say.
"Seems we've come to a split in the road. We should split up--Kris, who do you want to go with?" Ralsei looked to the human, slightly annoying Susie.
"Why does Kris get to pick all the time?!" Susie walked up towards Ralsei, grabbing him by the shirt. "You're coming with me."
With that, a blank faced Kris was left behind as Susie took off down the northern alley leaving the human behind to fend for himself.
"SUSIE!!" Ralsei shouted.
"WHAT?!"Susie responded.
"you can put me down." The goat Darkner whispered in slight annoyance.
"...oh." Susie gently stopped running, putting the hairy goat Darkner down. "Sorry."
"Why'd you leave Kris behind like that?" Ralsei asked, wiping off his green robes.
"He'll be fine." Susie sighed. "Sides...I was kinda nervous he'd choose me."
"Why?" Ralsei inquired.
"We just became friends yesterday, ya doofus." Susie explained, sitting down against the alley wall. "I'm not ready for that conversation...yet."
"That conversation?" Ralsei raised an eyelid.
"What, are you a million questions Ralsei today?"
"I'm sorry, I'm kinda new to this whole friends thing myself." Ralsei looked down.
Susie sighed, remembering that very fact herself.
"Yeah, kinda hard just having a Ralsei statue as company I suppose." Susie mused, wiping her snout. "The thing is...me and Kris have always been on the opposite end of the spectrum. Kris...he's had security his whole life. Me, I've had shitty parents and no guarantee of a good meal or warm bed. It sucks. I treated him like dirt for the longest time Ralsei. One time, I came pretty damn close to really hurting him. If I didn't stop myself right then I would've done it. I was mad at him...he was so socially awkward, never talked to anyone, kept to himself. Despite everything I did, Kris risked his life for mine. For the first time in my life, I was scared to lose someone. I saw the King holding Kris in his disgusting hands, using the very same words I muttered earlier..."QUIET PEOPLE PISS ME OFF" he uttered his tongue out. It hit me what I had to do."
"Susie, I think it's clear to me that Kris would listen and not judge you given his actions." Ralsei sat down, playing with his fur.
"You think?" Susie asked. "I hardly know the kid. All I know for sure is that he has the greatest Mom ever and that his hair smells annoyingly of apples. You don't know what willpower it took for me NOT to take a bite outta that kid's head."
"I'm sure he'd get you an apple if you asked." Ralsei snickered at the thought.
"His Mom makes good pies...I'll have to pester Kris to have his Mom make us some of her cinnamon-butterscotch pies she's known for." Susie drooled at the thought. "You should come to the Light World sometime, Ralsei. You'd enjoy it."
"I'll...keep that in mind." Ralsei looked away, dodging the question as nimbly as he could.
"I mean it! We three and Lancer would be invincible!" Susie grinned, just thinking of it. "You could be Ms. Alphy's teacher's pet and Lancer could dig all the holes in town he wanted. There's enough pot holes already as it is...a few more wouldn't hurt I suppose."
"I'm sure it would be wonderful, Susie." Ralsei acknowledged.
"Well, just think about it." Susie let end it there, seeing the troubled look on Ralsei's face. There was something he obviously wasn't telling her but it could wait. She didn't want to ruin this. "Look, the real reason I dragged you into this path was--I want to ask you about Kris."
"Kris? What about?" Ralsei asked.
"Don't tell Kris I said any of what I'm about to tell you. And I mean NONE of it Ralsei." Susie narrowed her eyes.
"My lips are zipped." Ralsei meekly responded.
"Good." Susie sighed. "After we left the Dark World yesterday, I felt things I hadn't felt ever...I wasn't sure what happened was real. All I knew was that I felt them and that I didn't want to lose them...most of all, I didn't want to lose Kris. Kris...the kid I hated for my all time in Hometown I now couldn't stand to be without. I thought of em' the whole night. I didn't get any sleep Ralsei and trust me, that bed you presented earlier was VERY tempting...you bastard."
"S-Sorry."
"It's ok...I'm just venting here. Anyway...I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know how I should go about this whole thing."
"When did you plan to have...the conversation?"
"Sometime in the Dark World, when it was just me and Kris."
"Why don't you talk to him when you guys are done with this adventure? You could walk him home." Ralsei suggested.
"Say Kris, why don't I walk ya home and we can talk serious junk...yeah Rals, that'll go down real well."
"R-Rals?"
"What, no one ever called you a nickname?" Susie raised an eyebrow.
"Well, insults like toothpaste boy not withstanding...Rals isn't bad." Ralsei blushed.
"Geez, I'm gonna have to teach you a LOT." Susie moaned, slapping the side of her snout. "Don't expect these lessons to be free either, toothpaste boy. You're gonna have to make a lot of cakes."
"S-Sure." Ralsei sweat. "I mean it though...don't make a big deal, just...offer to walk him home and just bring it up when you two are nice and relaxed."
"Like, when we're sitting down or something? Like now?"
"Yeah! We're talking, having a serious conversation aren't we?" Ralsei nodded in glee.
"No, we're talking about rainbows." Susie rolled her eyes.
"W-We are?" Ralsei second guessed himself.
"NO...that was SARCASM." Susie sighed once again. "I swear with this guy..."
"Sarcasm?"
"I swear I'm gonna call you Million Questions Ralsei forever if you don't stop." Susie crossed her arms. "It's when you want to express annoyance but do it indirectly."
"Huh. I'll have to try that..."
"Can we focus?" Susie snapped.
"O-Oh, sorry--so Kris, what do you want to ask him?"
"I try asking him if we'd still be friends if I opened that supply closet door and you guys weren't there but I chickened out at the last second. I didn't want to think about the possibility of that not being a thing."
Ralsei went silent, looking at Susie as she looked to the ground thinking of Kris in that moment.
"Susie, I didn't realize that Kris meant that much to you." Ralsei rubbed the back of his head. "Am I the one you should really be asking for advice on this? I mean, after all I'm...just learning how to be a friend. And you've done all the teaching thus far."
"Kris and I just became friends. The thought of losing that just scares me...scares me to my very core. The little I did sleep I had a nightmare. It was me and him in front of that bunker door in the woods. He was shaking the whole time, scared of something--I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't tell me, backing away each time I walked towards the door. Suddenly, the door opened and a look of terror that I've never seen on him erupted on Kris' face. He looked at me, reached out to me but was sucked in and I had to watch as the doors closed on him. I couldn't save him, Ralsei! Kris almost died trying to save me yesterday Ralsei...I don't want to lose him." Susie began to break down. "All this time, I've treated that kid LIKE SHIT and despite everything, he still stuck his neck out for me. What do you say to that!? What do you do with that?! Jesus..."
Susie stood up, sniffling and wanting to begin walking again.
"H-Hey...Susie."Ralsei got up, gently putting a hand on Susie's arm, Susie growing stiff at the contact, Ralsei quickly pulling his hand away.
"Y-Yeah?" Susie turned around, trying to regain her composure.
"My offer still stands. I could teach you some healing spells, if you're up for it. Of course, the lessons would be payment for your advice from earlier." Ralsei offered. "This could help you protect Kris."
"They're hiding something Ralsei, I know it." Susie said. "It troubles Kris, even before we came to the Dark World. If there's something Kris knows and is trying to solve, I want to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I want to protect him."
"Then we'll start with the basics and on the way, refine your approach to conversation starters, all right?" Ralsei smirked.
"R-Rals?"
"Yes, Susie?"
"You're not half bad." Susie smirked, putting an arm around him.
"T-Thanks." Ralsei blushed. "I don't suppose that would translate to hugging..."
"DO NOT PUSH YOUR LUCK."

I'm from a very complicated family, everyone contributes to this weirdest family relationships.
Long story short, parents been separated for 15-20yrs, Mother is 'NPD' controlling freak who hates me and wishes me dead, but slightly changed how she treats since I've been working. My elder brother is not close to me at all, thanks to Mother's manipulation that turned him against me. Father, oh, Father is just... I don't know how to talk about him, I'll try to not put too much emotional stuff in this.
Father worked really hard to raise us two kids. I used to be so sad just watching him going through daily hard labor work, day after day. As you can imagine, he does not make much.
My brother has caused lots of trouble, starting with before I even got to school, families would constantly tell him, his life was degraded because of my birth, which is probably true. Mother would say, look how much your brother sacrificed for me and whatever I ate, my brother spared for me, etc. ever since I was a baby.
While we were still in school, my brother tried to rob some taxi driver and got into lots of trouble. I watched Father’s hair turn grey overnight. Then he got a girl pregnant, and her parents threatened to sue him ‘raping the girl’. Father’s hair went almost completely grey that year.
Father looked so much older during those few years. I feel so terrible cause I was not helping much.
Parents fought every year, especially around festivals. I hate festivals and family reunions as bad as you can imagine.
Even years later now, it sets me in this dramatically desperately sad mode even just talking with them. At least a whole week would be super messed up and then slowly adjusting myself back to be a normal person.
See I really appreciate how Father has done for us and he even got me through college. I witnessed all the pain and hard work he put done for this.
I was close to him but in a weird way, I often hate him too, trying to keep my distance. I didn’t understand why.
Until the 3^rd year in college, one of my friends was really depressed for a while, one day she was talking about some really difficult stuff she was going through with her dad, I was trying to listen and help her through that period.
And suddenly it hit me so hard, shit, think my dad did the same thing to me as well.
That day opened up a gap in that forced to be closed slowly healed rough ugly scar from family traumas, all those left behind memories flooded back to me. Ever since then, I have been in an even worse condition. All the sadness, oh boy, even today, I’m in tears just typing these words.
My uncle is a rapist. Before he was sent to jail, he pulled my pants as well, he didn’t do anything further besides watching, at least that one time that know of, nothing else happened. I was about maybe 5yrs old, I didn’t know what it meant. The year he was arrested, I was already in elementary school and starting to know that was, maybe, not right. When I told my parents about it, and they said, well just shut up about it and don’t mention it to anyone else, you should be ashamed.
When I was about 10yrs old, I started to be sent to semi foster type of families, mainly neighbors, because parents had to work somewhere else, and brother started boarding school. My foster family are generally nice to me, treated me well, fed me 3 meals a day. Food makes people happy.
I was also happy because Father wasn’t around.
The first time I sensed danger I was about 9yrs old.
Again, Mother had never ever told me anything about what is like being a girl, how to deal with period, breast may start to have some changes, wear underwear, wash and clean lady parts, etc. nothing.
I didn’t exist in that house unless she needed someone to vent. As you can see, I was smart, I made myself invisible as much as I could.
Around 4^th grade I had to do some performance for children’s day, our headmaster accidentally realized I was not wearing any undergarments, so she kindly gave me some of her granddaughter’s. After that performance, I started to wear those every day. They look more like little cami top shirts.
One day I woke up, I was already late for school. I got so scared, and I started crying. Father was often more patient with me. He was comforting me and told me to get off bed and get ready for school. I was crying and I wasn’t paying much attention to what he said. And suddenly I realized he stopped talking. I looked up and watched him staring at me, he looked so strange and oddly scary at that moment, not like he was beat me or anything, like a … predator. I tried to figure out what caught his attention and then I realized, half of my breast was showing because the undergarments were too big for me, and I moved when sitting up in bed.
I immediately stopped crying and pulled it up. But I would never forget his eyes, the way he stared at my breasts. It often makes me sick whenever thinking about it even today. I was confused and a bit scared, and I guess ever since then it sort of startled me, the love for my father. But again, I was too young to understand what happened and I did not have anyone around me to tell me girls’ changes around certain age.
Father soon left for a few years, and I was really relived. I don’t know how to describe this feeling and I could only understand myself better till years later.
After Father left, I started going around semi foster families, including my grandparents’ place. Around summertime, I realized the bathroom lock broke, so I just blocked it from inside with chairs every time taking a shower. Still one day, my grandfather forced in and claimed he needed something from the inside. I stood there naked for a second, then rushed to get my clothing and rushed out of the bathroom.
Ever since then, I tried everything to lock that door even more solidly and it worked. The problem is, even today, living thousands of miles away from where I grew up with, I am still extremely insecure with door locks, I buy all sorts of locks to double lock every door, using door stoppers as well.
Then one day, Father just showed up in my school again. He was back. I was happy but deep down something also quietly but terribly disturbed my peace.
One afternoon, while taking a shower, I suddenly felt weird. I started looking around and didn’t find anything odd. But that feeling keeps coming back. So, I looked around again; this time, I saw Father’s face and his eyes were by the window and staring at me, he was so concentrated and didn’t even realize I already saw him. I had to ask him what he was doing there, and he told me he was checking if I finished taking a shower. He looked panicked just like years ago when I busted him staring at my breasts when I was still in 4^th grade.
There were so many little things that happened when I was a kid, but I did not have the knowledge to distinguish what that meant.
I remember starting from one day, my grandmother started to guard me right outside the bathroom every time I took a shower. I didn’t know what that was for, she never mentioned anything, also because she was never that close to me, and I was the least favorite kid.
It’s like a puzzle. So many things started to connect, so many memories I buried deep down started to come back to me. I was so depressed for the first few years after I realized what happened to me when I was a kid. My friend’s memory somewhat triggered my memory valve as well.
About the time I started looking for internships, I was really busy, and it was stressful. One early morning, on the way to work I picked up a call from Father. He told me he was going to commit suicide but didn’t do it because of me.
Mother is really toxic which was not news to me, and they had separated for so many years and I really pity him. I had lots of terrible memories regarding Mother, I thought about suicide so many times every day for many many years ever since I learned the word ‘death’. I just never thought Father was gonna say it out first. It really shocked me, and I was really terrified. But again, death was never an extreme word for me, it was like a relief from my parents. See confused and scared, never knew what’s really going in my mind. I had so much to deal with and I felt I was going to explode but I didn’t have time for that, I was graduating college that year.
But since that, my previous thoughts about confronting Father about his perverting behaviors when I was kid, it just could not be done.
Now for years, I was torn again and again with thoughts about confronting him also worrying it might humiliate him and caused his suicidal thoughts again. I couldn’t tell if he was just trying to manipulate me or was really desperate.
Father worked hard raising my brother and me, and I got into college.
I have been depressed for years, struggling all the time, cutting myself at times when super extremely desperate and couldn’t do anything about it. I would buy tickets traveling all over the world and put parents’ names in my travel insurance, hoping that would pay them back if anything happened.
When I was about 30yrs old, finally one day I confronted him, twice, in person and on the phone, and he denied of course.
Again, I didn’t want to say anything and get him killed, so I stayed quiet for quite a few years again.
But in recent years, I couldn’t help it. I started screaming at him in my dreams and it kept me awake for days after such dreams.
A few days ago, I texted him about it and wanted an apology. I need closure. I desperately need it. I wasn’t planning to go any further than that and I was ready to let it go if he just admits it and just apologize.
After all, for many people, it might not even be considered as such an evil thing to do, right? I don’t know, I am super exhausted and confused.
He soon replied, of course he denied again and saying I was humiliating him, and he said if I still do not believe him, I should consider him dead. Also, he said, you two are my kids, what is there that I have never seen on you two anyways?
I cried for the whole night.
It is so disgusting that he really tried to manipulate me to accept what he said with suicidal/ death threatening, also how he tried to justify his behaviors.
I wished him well and promised to send money when I can, but also told him I won’t be talking to him anymore.
This is as much as I could have done for that little kid when I look back, that little me. It was not as expected but I have to let it go now.
I so wish someone could tell me how someone can be a father also a monster. I don’t know if I am being dramatic about these ‘little things’. I am so worried about he might kill himself because I wouldn’t know how to cure myself with that strike.
But I am in so much pain inside and as always I want to save myself. Every time talking to him is like sharpening this knife to cut open this giant ugly roughly almost healed scar. It’s so ugly and painful.

Hey everyone, (posted this in premed as well) looking for some advice because i just got my second mcat result today and it wasn't anywhere near what i wanted so now I don't even know if i should apply or not. Was going to apply mostly DO with some MD (?)
Sad because I flopped on my second mcat attempt today with a 499 (125/121/126/127) from retaking a 496 (124/122/125/125) last september. Was averaging around 505 this time around.
stats & ecs TX resident, URM, 23 yr old, grad last yr 2023
AMCAS cgpa/sgpa: 3.5/3.39
TMDSAS cgpa/sgpa: 3.56/3.34
Haven't taken casper yet
clinical hours: hospital patient transport volunteering 420 hours as of now since 2021
nonclinical volunteering: 600+ (church, football coach, retirement home)
nonclinical working: 5000+ hours at a grocery store throughout college
research: 120 hours from undergrad, 60ish from research assistant job i just started
publications: abstract from undergrad but i heard this might not count so idk? Also helping PI with paper right now
shadowing: 30ish with two surgeons
awards: deans list, my college's department award during my senior year
Starting a 1 year masters this summer in biomedical science (has more research & clinical opportunities) Is it even worth applying to DO schools this cycle with these stats? I'm planning on retaking the MCAT of course but if i don't apply this cycle i'll probably take it early next year. Also is my clinical hours low? debating on if i should try to get a MA cert and try to find a job to boost that up.
Thank you for all the help

Hey everyone, looking for some advice because i just got my second mcat result today and it wasn't anywhere near what i wanted so now I don't even know if i should apply or not. Was going to apply mostly DO with some MD (?)
Sad because I flopped on my second mcat attempt today with a 499 (125/121/126/127) from retaking a 496 (124/122/125/125) last september. Was averaging around 505 this time around.
stats & ecs TX resident, URM, 23 yr old, grad last yr 2023
AMCAS cgpa/sgpa: 3.5/3.39
TMDSAS cgpa/sgpa: 3.56/3.34
Haven't taken casper yet
clinical hours: hospital patient transport volunteering 420 hours as of now since 2021
nonclinical volunteering: 600+ (church, football coach, retirement home)
nonclinical working: 5000+ hours at a grocery store throughout college
research: 120 hours from undergrad, 60ish from research assistant job i just started
publications: abstract from undergrad but i heard this might not count so idk? Also helping PI with paper right now
shadowing: 30ish with two surgeons
awards: deans list, my college's department award during my senior year
Starting a 1 year masters this summer in biomedical science (has more research & clinical opportunities) Is it even worth applying to DO schools this cycle with these stats? I'm planning on retaking the MCAT of course but if i don't apply this cycle i'll probably take it early next year. Also is my clinical hours low? debating on if i should try to get a MA cert and try to find a job to boost that up.
Thank you for all the help!

I’m 24 years old just finishing off my first year. I’m required to work for a Title I school for 4 years minimum or pay back my scholarships. I think I’ll give it another 4-5 years before I start transitioning to a new career.
Although the job has been stressful, I do enjoy working with the kids and I feel much more confident about giving it a couple more years and learning as much as I can in the process.
So here’s where I am with retirement, which I don’t understand much about if I’m being honest. I contacted HR and I’m enrolled in CalSTRS, which I should be able to receive benefits from upon retirement with a minimum 5 years of service I think.
They also told me they offer a voluntary 403 (b) and 457(b) plan which I’m trying to research but I’m left with more questions than answers. This is all very confusing.
I plan to stop teaching after about 4-5 more years because I don’t think this job is family friendly. Yes we get summers off, but we don’t get paid summers off, and many teachers have to work. We don’t get enough prep time for all the work we have to do and work often gets brought home. I know my work life balance will get better with experience but I see teachers at my school who live and breathe for this job sacrificing time with their spouses and children in the process. They’re all stressed out of their minds every day and I don’t want that for me.
To those who have had experience with a 403 (b) and 457(b) plan, is it worth for me to invest in either one or both given that I don’t plan to teach for the rest of my life?

I've spent this year subbing after last year finishing my degree, subbing, and student teaching. Which means I've had two years of keeping an eye on teacher jobs being posted, and I cannot discern any trend of there being a shortage in any field or at any grade level. Job postings, yes, but they are getting filled quickly, I don't see how that equals a shortage.
There is little chance that I am going to move to a big city I've never lived in, don't know anyone, and can't really afford to take a first year teaching job that I can just get non-renewed at when the school year ends.
I was talking to a guy working at my school (as a para) who just finished the same Masters program as I did in the same subject and I said "guess we are competing for jobs, then" jokingly. He just said it wouldn't matter because he wasn't even planning on applying for jobs within this state. Because there weren't any.
I got into teaching because I thought I'd be great teaching English at a community college, but I get ghosted by every community college I've applied to.
People have told me, over and over, that in education it is about who you know if you are going to get a good job. That or you need to apply everywhere and just uproot your life completely for a job in a city with rents you won't be able to afford. Add to that you may not have a job after a year, even if you do a great job due to school districts using non-renewals as an excuse to keep labor prices down by continually hiring first year teachers. People have told me, over and over, that I might have also overqualified myself and that is why I am not getting a job. Never had a classroom, but got a masters in teaching because it included a teacher prep program and was roughly the same amount of work/cost as any other teacher prep program. But people with masters get paid more (in most school districts this is part of union contracts), and I have zero experience with having my own classroom (because, yeah, no one hired me yet) so I am slightly more expensive but potentially as qualified as someone right out of college.
I get it. In a tight market this makes total sense. But there is a teacher shortage, everyone so everyone needs to step up. I stepped up. I don't want to have to take a job thousands of miles away from where I live. I don't want to move to take a job that has a half-life of one year. I don't want to move to take a job that is going to make it difficult for me to afford housing anywhere near that job.
There is not a teacher shortage. There is a budget crisis in public education. There is not a shortage of people willing to work, there is a shortage of people willing to pay teachers a salary they can live on and give them any sense of personal or professional stability.

I've been the secretary of the service unit for the last three years. The only other officer is the manager, who is a complete mess. I'm tired of having to remind her multiple times that I need an agenda to send out. I started not reminding her, just to see what would happen . . . lots of meetings cancelled the day they were supposed to happen. I honestly wonder if she is beginning to suffer from dementia.
Every meeting was, "Oh, the treasurer didn't show up again. We'll get a report next month." "Oh, we don't have anyone to plan World Thinking Day. We'll do that next year." "Oh, I have the cashier's check in my purse. I'll deposit that next week."
I volunteered for what I could, but really my strength is in writing. I have health issues so taking on more than that isn't in the cards. It was just so frustrating to watch things fall apart and have people associate it with me (as the person sending the emails).
So I'm done. If they get their act together, I'll attend meetings when I can.
Likewise, our Council seems to be struggling. No one is really overseeing the leaders (I guess that's what the SU is supposed to do). They rarely offer the trainings we need. They don't get the yearly programming out until October. We seem to have fewer options for Council-run events, which cost more, than neighboring Councils. If I hadn't been a teacher, I think I'd be totally confused about how to put together a meeting plan because goodness knows the half an hour that someone from council spoke to me in a Starbucks did not teach me.
So anyway, this is just a vent. It's frustrating. And the Service Unit is a poor use of my time. It causes me stress and provides almost no benefit to anyone. I wanted to be the change and all that, but it's beyond me.
In happier news, I had a good meeting (working on the Amaze journey) with my 6th graders today. They did skits on how to resolve conflicts (after doing funny "how not to" skits) and had a long conversation about technology addiction and self-image. I feel energized to plan fun things for next school year. And we go to Savannah in a few weeks!
I feel a weight lifted now that I'm not trying to bail out a sinking ship with the service unit.