I, 34F, was introduced to 42M. I was hesitant to go out with him because I hadn’t been on the dating scene for over 2 years and was enjoying being single.
We were in contact for over a month before we saw each other face to face. That was only because I was out of town and was going to see him the same day I returned home. My friend told me that was a bad idea because I would be tired, so we set the date for the next day.
When I saw him in the picture, he was not handsome, so I thought maybe he has a good heart. I don’t focus too much on outward appearances but on how I am treated. I am a successful professional who is part owner of a business, and when asked about what I do, I don’t like mentioning it because men tend to be intimidated by a woman being so independent.
Even though I am independent and work whenever I feel, I am still submissive and never mix my professional life with my personal life. With this guy, I did not want to screw anything up, so I was honest from the start. I could tell that he was scared of being with a successful woman.
When we saw each other for the first time, I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. Apparently, he didn’t feel the same way about me, and that’s okay because I know he has fumbled something great. We did have sex the first time we saw each other, and I usually don’t do that. I was hesitant while he was going down on me. I told him that’s not who I am and I needed to see his test results before I do anything with him. He had everything there and his results showed negative.
I had been celibate for over 2 years and 5 months, and I had an itch, and because he had his results, I said why not, we're both adults. That’s where I messed up. I should have kept in character and not allowed that to happen, but that’s something I cannot change.
He had reached out to me to come to my home, and I had no problem with that; I was super excited. I checked the date and I called him to tell him if I could visit him a day before to enjoy him because my menstrual cycle was going to come the same day he was going to visit, and I would drive him home with me that Saturday. Besides, he wanted to use public transportation. I hate public transportation because it is so dirty, and it would have been ideal for me to go to him and drive him home with me in my car that Saturday.
So the day before, which would have been a Friday, he texted me to tell me it was not going to work out between us and he didn’t think the way things started between us was a good foundation. He was basically telling me I was too easy to sleep with. If he really knew me, my ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend had to work their asses off to get a kiss out of me when I first started dating them.
I was hurt, and apparently, I am still hurt because I still cannot believe he’s not handsome, and he turned me down and insulted a beautiful woman like me.
When I checked his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend, who are Hatian and Jamaica, they both are unattractive and not fit; both are kind of chunky. Please don’t come at me for saying that; I was just curious to see who he is used to dating. I do not disrespect women.
The thing is, it’s going on 3 months, and the hurt is still fresh; I still think of him every day. I do not have the urge to call him because he’s not that good-looking, and I do not want him to think I am running behind him because I’m not. I know I can do way better than him.
I have professional baseball players interested in me, semi-professional basketball players interested in me way better looking than that dude, and to top that off, his sex wasn’t even that great; my ex was way better. I just don’t understand why I still feel this way.
Advice, please.

Hey I'm looking for advice for anyone who might have been in a similar situation.
I've got my copper iud inserted a little over a week ago. I've been on the mirvala pill for a few months (my first BC) but I wanted to try something non hormonal to see if I feel differently. And also I'm not sure about how good the pill is for the women's body longterm, so I knew that I won't be on it forever and try other methods.
Well let's just say the first week was a hell of a week. The insertion was pretty bad but the cramps the day after were... literally the worst pain in my life. I couldn't move, just cry in my bed and wait for it to end. And that on a ton of painkillers. It calmed down after a few days but then my first period started so I started having period cramps. I was taking pain killers but they weren't helping and the first 3 days I had to skip classes cause the pain was too much to do anything. Now it's 2-3 days later and finally the cramps have calmed now, but I'm still taking tylenol.
My boyfriend and I we have pretty healthy libidos, we see each other 2-3 times a week and the day we do we have sex 1-3 times. I know it's still early but I feel like the iud has been stressing me out so much in terms of sex. I can't relax properly, orgasm as much and it feels uncomfortable when he goes deep. He's pretty large but usually not "painfully" large, and we like to go more rough sometimes. But I get so scared the iud is gonna move, or get dislodged, perforate something or just cause more pain, and I've been kinda traumatized by all the pain I felt in the past week. We tried having sex 3 times since it was inserted and after every time I end up crying cause it was uncomfortable or I wasn't able to cum or I'm anxious I can't feel the strings anymore...
My boyfriend also feels the strings and it poked him a few times and I feel like he also can't properly focus because of that.
I love making love with my bf and I still want to do it every time but there's so many things I'm scared about and I lose the desire.
I have a follow up appointment at the beginning of June and because of the reasons listen above I'm thinking of taking the iud out. I don't wanna be stressed out because of sex, and I can't stay home several days of the month due to the pain from the period cramps. But I know that it might be too early to judge and I should just be patient.
I just wanted to vent cause i know nobody who has the iud irl and I feel lonely in this and would like to hear from someone who was gone through it. What do I do 😭

I, a 34F, was introduced to a 42M. I was hesitant to go out with him because I hadn’t been on the dating scene for over 2 years and was enjoying being single.
We were in contact for over a month before we saw each other face to face. That was only because I was out of town and was going to see him the same day I returned home. My friend told me that was a bad idea because I would be tired, so we set the date for the next day.
When I saw him in the picture, he was not handsome, so I thought maybe he has a good heart. I don’t focus too much on outward appearances but on how I am treated. I am a successful professional who is part owner of a business, and when asked about what I do, I don’t like mentioning it because men tend to be intimidated by a woman being so independent.
Even though I am independent and work whenever I feel, I am still submissive and never mix my professional life with my personal life. With this guy, I did not want to screw anything up, so I was honest from the start. I could tell that he was scared of being with a successful woman.
When we saw each other for the first time, I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. Apparently, he didn’t feel the same way about me, and that’s okay because I know he has fumbled something great. We did have sex the first time we saw each other, and I usually don’t do that. I was hesitant while he was going down on me. I told him that’s not who I am and I needed to see his test results before I do anything with him. He had everything there and his results showed negative.
I had been celibate for over 2 years and 5 months, and I had an itch, and because he had his results, I said why not, we're both adults. That’s where I messed up. I should have kept in character and not allowed that to happen, but that’s something I cannot change.
He had reached out to me to come to my home, and I had no problem with that; I was super excited. I checked the date and I called him to tell him if I could visit him a day before to enjoy him because my menstrual cycle was going to come the same day he was going to visit, and I would drive him home with me that Saturday. Besides, he wanted to use public transportation. I hate public transportation because it is so dirty, and it would have been ideal for me to go to him and drive him home with me in my car that Saturday.
So the day before, which would have been a Friday, he texted me to tell me it was not going to work out between us and he didn’t think the way things started between us was a good foundation. He was basically telling me I was too easy to sleep with. If he really knew me, my ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend had to work their asses off to get a kiss out of me when I first started dating them.
I was hurt, and apparently, I am still hurt because I still cannot believe he’s not handsome, and he turned me down and insulted a beautiful woman like me.
When I checked his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend, who are Hatian and Jamaica, they both are unattractive and not fit; both are kind of chunky. Please don’t come at me for saying that; I was just curious to see who he is used to dating. I do not disrespect women.
The thing is, it’s going on 3 months, and the hurt is still fresh; I still think of him every day. I do not have the urge to call him because he’s not that good-looking, and I do not want him to think I am running behind him because I’m not. I know I can do way better than him.
I have professional baseball players interested in me, semi-professional basketball players interested in me way better looking than that dude, and to top that off, his sex wasn’t even that great; my ex was way better. I just don’t understand why I still feel this way.
Advice, please.

Me and best friend have been in each other’s lives since we were 12 years old. We’re both 27 now. I’ve lived an hour and 20 mins away from her since I’ve been 13 years old. There’s always been that distance but no matter what we always kept in contact. I’ve always made the drive to see her and spend time with her. Fast forward to 2023, she becomes pregnant. I’m so happy for her. Excited and buying stuff for the baby already. She gives birth in June and I’ve never been so happy and proud of her. Legit cried when i saw him. It’s October now. She’s invited me to her baby’s baptism. There were 2 times stated on the invitation, one for the church and one for the venue. So the week of I reached out to find out if we’re meeting at her house or the church. She tells me to just go to the venue instead. I get there with my boyfriend. You know when you feel a certain vibe? Like an uncomfortable/ awkward vibe? I felt it in my stomach but I ignored it and start to say hi to her and her whole family. We sit at our designated table. I start to hear conversation from her friends about how the church was. I look at my boyfriend confused because I assumed it was only family. That made me questioned why were these people there? Friends that I was just introduced to 2 months ago, but I wasn’t? I’ve been feeling very weird with our relationship. As if we’re outgrowing each other. So i posted to my finsta just expressing how I felt. She saw it and she called me. She said what is this about? I said “ it’s just been how I’ve been feeling about us. i find out that everyone was at the church, but me? “ she said “ well where were you during my pregnancy? I barely saw you.” Now at this moment I’m thinking of all the times I’ve seen her thought out the year which was normal amount of times we seen each other. So i said “you never called or texted me about anything during your pregnancy. Never said anything that you needed me.” She said “i shouldn’t have to. You stopped prioritizing me. I thought it would be different when i gave birth but no.” (A little background on me. I have a full time job working overnights in a hospital. Started going back to school full-time in September of 2023 for nursing school. I have my own relationship and dog-ter. My own apartment which went up 50% this year too. A lot has been going on with me as well) I told her I just started school again, and the times i have off i spend it studying or relaxing at home. She said “well you could’ve made at effort, we couldn’t deal with him as a newborn.” I said “well again you never said anything” she said “you didn’t think my instagram posts meant anything ?” To be honest, saying stuff on instagram is completely different from actually reaching out to people. I told her “i figured you wanted to be alone since you’re figuring out how to be new parents” she said “how dare you make decisions for me. Do you know how it was not to make you a Godmother?” I start to bawl my eyes out. The way you get when you’re trying to catch your breath type of cry. Because we’ve always talked about that since we were kids. Making each other the Godmother to each other’s kid. I said “yes that hurt me” through my sobs. Trying to hold it together so i can speak. She said since i wasn’t there for her that I deserve that title. I’ve always been there for her for anything. She calls and I come. No matter what. I make arrangements. I’ll try to be there. She said that I couldn’t even make it to her baby shower. Which she’s right i couldn’t. Back in May of 2023, she was telling me when she was planning the baby shower. I told her that weekend is my little brother’s graduation in the of Florida. So i wouldn’t even be in NY. I begged her to make it for the following weekend so I can attend because i really wanted to be there. I was buying stuff every week till the baby shower to make her a baby shower basket. With diapers of every size. Wipes. Even hair clips for her too. So she knew i wouldn’t be there and still chose to plan it that day anyways. So i didn’t push anymore it’s her day, but i made sure my boyfriend was there. He helped set up and get the cake. He bought the gifts i bought them even the high chair. Now back to our conversation, i told her it was my little brother’s high school graduation. You knew this. She said okay? You could’ve came for a little bit and left that night. I said no. I was with my family. That’s why i asked for the following weekend. She said “well no why would i change it for ONE person?” I said “okay so why are you mad ?” I’m sorry but i wasn’t not missing my only little brother’s high school graduation. So she didn’t make me a godmother meanwhile her child has 5 Godmothers. I wasn’t 1. There’s other situations that have happened as well throughout the years. But this was the icing on the cake. Something I cannot forgive in my heart. It hurts so much. She’s MY ONLY best friend. She has an army behind her. I would’ve done anything for her. I’ve always showed up for her when she called me. I’ve always made her a priority. But now that I’m trying to better myself and the one time I’m finally thinking of me. I’m the fucked up friend ? So Am I the asshole?

So I have had really really bad emetophobia since I was a kid. I have a boyfriend and we live together at my mom’s place. He knows how bad I am, we’ve been together for four years. So today we’re sitting together in our room and out of no where he says “get out I’m gonna throw up” and I jump and run and just start pacing in the kitchen. I hear him and he’s LOUD, yet he never ran to the bathroom. Then, our dog comes out of the room while my moms cat is also out (they hate each other) so I run him to the room, look up, and the entire room is covered in red Hawaiian Punch colored fucking puke. Everything. I’m shaking as I’m typing this because it was so bad. So I might’ve exploded. I broke some stuff. And took the car and left. I think im starting to slip into a manic state which isn’t the best. I’ve been diagnosed bipolar but idk if I am, I think I might be bpd. ANYWAYS, I’m currently four hours away from home and idk what to do. I got on the expressway and drove. I told my mom that if she kicks out my bf I’ll come home with a new bed and set up in the living room, which was wrong. I just can’t go back there after seeing that. I feel like I’m actually going crazy. Someone please help, any advice appreciated. I don’t want to go home because I know the germs are still there, but I didn’t sleep last night for other reasons and I’m exhausted. I can’t get a hotel room because I didn’t bring my ID, I left with nothing. I’m about to park outside Walmart and take a nap but I’m horrified that someone’s gonna do something.

I (21F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for almost 3 years. When the relationship first started we didn’t have any intimacy problems or anything like that, but after about 3-4 months in something changed and he didn’t wanna sleep with me anymore. He said he couldn’t perform and needed time and space to fix that. I told him it’s alright and i’d stick by him, but the problem is he has a HUGE folder full of adult content makes me so uncomfortable. When asked if he’d delete it he essentially told me to get over it. After some time we found out about polyamory and decided to give it a try. Before anything happened I broke down and told him i didn’t want to keep going with it and i wanted a closed relationship again. It turned into a huge fight where he said he still wanted to have the open relationship. After everything calmed down from the fight i got a match and scheduled a date. That’s when he freaked and said he didn’t actually want an open relationship he wanted to just add a third. I really just wanted to be done with the whole thing but eventually he met someone and we went and got her and we hung out. During the night i couldn’t sleep because he was cuddling with her and kissing her and it all hurt me so bad i had to leave the room. We decided after a second time of meeting her to close the relationship. At this point it had been like a year of him not touching me or wanting to be with me but it was easy for him to do with her. More time passed and i just started feeling ugly and unloved. I started talking to other people which devolved into me cheating on him once. I’m not defending my actions at all just explaining reasons. He found out and we've broken up. Due to certain circumstances i can’t move out for a little bit. He says he wants us to break up for now and try to get back together in the future after therapy and time as just friends. I’m in a state i don’t know very well and i’ve got people willing to get me back to my home state if i want to go. We’ve said a lot of things and done a lot of things to hurt each other over the past 3 years, and i do love and care about him more then anything as ironic as that is. My question is do i stay in the state and try to figure out what to do and try to make it work or do i just head home and call it quits? Everyone i’ve talked to says i should go home but i see his face and my resolve crumbles.

I was a young mom at the time this happened, and I was desperately searching for employment for several months before I landed this fantastical hellhole.
Even though there were definitely a few red flags at the time of my interview, I didn't care; I needed money, and I was a chronic people pleaser with a fear of conflict. So.
Back ground on this job and the environment (this is going to be LONG AF, and kinda sad, but pls read cus I believe the details leading up are important). Sorry for any typos:
It was a simple kiosk job near an entrance of our cities mall. You know, one of those locations that sells cellphone cases, other protective accessories, device unlocking services, screen repairs, etc. Not hard work by any means, but for someone like me who can't sell her way out of a wet paper bag, it was a challenge.
Anyway, the programs used to unlock devices - and just the POS systems in general - were very... lacking. Basic. Bootlegged. But who was I to question any of it? Who was I to question my employers when they told me to log my own hours, and send them in like a weekly "list" via email to their personal emails, rather than having an official clocking system in place? Who was I to question the absurd pricing on cheap, under qualified products? Who was I to question how they store customer's phones that they are trusting us with while we replace a shattered screen or unlock their devices? (BTW, the way we did that was by placing them in an unlocked drawer that was loose and loaded with many random items, such as pens, note pads, paper clips, thumb tacks, elastics, duotangs, screw drivers, etc. Anything put in there was at risk for damage or even disappearing into the void).
I mostly worked there alone; either an opening or closing shift, it varied. There was at least one other employee outside of management that would switch off with me at the end of a shift. Those employees never lasted long; either they were fired, or they valued themselves more than I did myself, and would leave after seeing the nonsense going on...
So this would normally leave me to either work with my boss's (the owners) wife or him himself. Working with the wife was... fine. She either gossiped with me or wondered off to do her own shopping in the mall, leaving me alone. The husband, however, would make my skin crawl every time he'd so much as call into the store, let alone come by in-person.
If he called, and I didn't pick up - whether I was with a customer or not - I'd get scolded. If I wasn't with a customer, he'd demand to know what I was apparently so busy with that I couldn't pick up the phone. If I WAS with a customer, he'd demand to know why I didn't pick up and just quickly tell him I was with someone than hang up; he'd tell me "he'd understand". Other times when I'd be with a customer, but I'd be too afraid of the consequences of NOT answering his call, I'd briefly excuse myself with the customer and tell my boss I was with a client, so I'd call him right back. He'd yell at me at those times, too, telling me to "use my brain" and not to be rude to the client by being on the phone, that it should be "common sense". There was no winning.
When I was hired on, I made it explicitly clear that I had a specific set of availability that they needed to work with, as I DID NOT have childcare, and was working around my boyfriend at the times work schedule to accommodate. He'd work when I didn't, and vice-versa, set hours. They agreed to this set of availability since I could work weekends.
The thing is, if there was ever an instance where the wife was sick, or made other plans outside of working hours that would conflict with a morning shift (like a night of drinking); or another employee would be sick or quit last minute... he'd call my personal phone. At all hours of the day. Demanding, I came in and replaced whatever shift was needed. I would get texts or calls at 2am on a Saturday night, telling me I had to open the store the next morning for his wife (plus close) because she wouldn't be able to anymore, and I'd have to replace her shift. Or he'd call at 6 pm on an evening "ask me" if I could replace a shift for the next day for whatever reason. When I'd tell him I couldn't because of my set availability schedule and lack of childcare, or because I already had plans, or would even be OUT OF TOWN - he'd yell at me over the phone and threaten my job. Calling me selfish and useless and replaceable. If I didn't pick up his calls on my personal time, he would call and call and call. Leave texts and voicemails that were vile and degrading until I'd call back and give him what he wanted.
When he would come into the store while I was working alone, he would hover around within that 8 x 10, enclosed kiosk space and finger through everything I was working on. Messing it up. Questioning everything I did, ask why the inventory was stored and logged so poorly when those were the ways I was taught. Would call me stupid, would yell at me in the open for all the mall-goers to observe and hear. Would call me a "bitch", would ask me why I would just stand there and stare at him while he complained at me and not say anything back to him; would suggest I was too "rtarded to speak up and pathetic.
There were "good moments," where he'd give out little compliments or praises. Talk like I was human and appreciated for being there. Like dangling a fruit of approval in front of someone who craved it, just to keep them compliant. But it was all manipulation to get something else, one way or another, until another "blow up."
Many employees from the surrounding stores would observe this happening. One of the Toys R Us employees next door stepped in once... that was nice of them.
People... I know how it sounds. Why the fuuuu- would I stay somewhere like that, where I was treated like absolute, burning trash?
Answer is simple: I needed the job, I young, I was scared to lose the money... and I had ZERO self-respect at the time. I clearly knew the treatment wasn't OK, but I thought it was normal for people to stick out a shitty job for a paycheck.
Sad, I know, I promise I'm different now 🩷 but the actual ptsd I had to heal from this job...?
ANYWHO! That depressing af backstory was needed to both vent and lay the groundwork for my petty revenge 😈
On a day off following a closing night shift, I received a call from the boss in the early morning. I didn't pick up; so he kept calling. Then his wife added herself to the mix, calling and texting me. Finally, I called HER back, asking what was going on? To my shock, the phone call consisted of me being questioned where a customers phone was and accused of stealing it, as I was the last known person to be in the store with it. They demanded that I come to the store immediately and return the stolen phone, or else they'd be calling the police for thief. After throwing some questions at them myself, and reminding them that I wasn't even the person to have accepted that particular phone repair, or who submitted the logging of it — let alone having even seen it in any way — they fired me. They threatened to sue me for losses, threatened to inform the malls HR to make sure I'd never be employed anywhere else in there, again.
When I told them that's fine, to do whatever they wanted because I wasn't going to listen to they're BS anymore, the husband grabbed the phone and told me I would not be receiving my final paycheck. They would be withholding it to cover the costs of the missing phone; they refused to "pay another cent to a thief" like me. I told them they couldn't do that, and they said they could do whatever they wanted, and I had no say in the matter.
Knowing that they couldn't do that, and knowing DAMN WELL, I didn't touch that phone - let alone steal it - I finally let the fire in me burn like a firey passion.
In the following days, I went around to the surrounding stores and gathered statements from willing employees (including past ones from my store), who spoke on my behalf about the abuse they'd witnessed the owner propel at me (and other employees). On a flash drive, I uploaded all the photos I'd been gathering in the "just in case i need them" folder on my phone. Evidence detailing their improper methods of storing and locking merchandise, customers belonging, etc. Proof of how they mismanaged their logging systems, inventory, and order requests. How they are bootlegged and illegal. How their pos system worked. Proof of how they had us submit our hours to receive our paychecks with, and how they often manipulated the numbers to say we worked less and resulted in underpayment rhat they never rectified or acknowledged. Screenshots of the barage of call logs, text messages, and even audio recordings of voicemails hed leave me with him threatening my job and talking me down. Slapped everything in a pretty manila envelope, contacted my provinces Labour Board, and filed a formal complaint. Mailed everything off the same day and waited.
It took a couple of weeks for me to suddenly receive a check in the mail — IN FULL.
A few weeks later, I got a call back from my files case worker, who informed me that the missing phone had mysteriously reappeared shortly after they'd launched their investigation. At first, they temporarily shut the store down while they conducted a full check on the shop, it's procedures, and the management.
In the end, I am happy to report that the store was completely SHUT DOWN - unable to reopen under that name. Boss would have LOVED THAT as a franchisee, lmao
Turns out they were in a huge amount of debt, were manipulating finances more than I realized, including how they were paying us and working our taxes; had a couple of complaints put in on them from past employees already, and were indeed using illegal software to unlock phones because it was "cheaper".
All I can say is... I'm not stupid. I'm actually pretty smart. And at the end of the day, regardless of how much someone is unnecessarily willing to put up with for the sake of a paycheck: NEVER mess with a mother and her means of providing for her family.
My old boss thought he had a punching bag in me as his employee.
In the end, I made his world burn to the ground 😇
Oh.
And I also made out with his wife during a Christmas party that only she and I attended 🫶
Cheers! 🥂

• Chrissy

I 24F currently live with my boyfriend 29M of two years. Before living together I was aware he did drugs but it was usually for parties/ events, but now he does them at home and has started to cause a recurring argument. He will go through phases of one month on, few months off (timescales vary) he generally uses more often when he’s stressed. I have approached the fact I don’t like him doing them at home on his own and I think there are better ways to de-stress however he sees nothing wrong with the habit. A few side notes, I do drugs with but mostly at parties, he will stay up and come to bed around 4am (and go to work at 6am) so I have complained about the fact I don’t get cuddles or I miss the intimacy in bed before we sleep and it makes him tired and cranky the next day, he has recently started to lie to me about certain things around the drug use e.g won’t tell me when he is using (even though I can read it in his face), tell me he’s coming to bed soon at 11pm when I know this isn’t true and more recently tried to gaslight me about who finished a bottle of alcohol when I know it wasn’t me and I know he does drink whilst using.
It is also affecting our sex life so he works long hours and says he is tired when he comes home so we only have sex on weekends. However he usually gets high on weekends so this writes off sex.
I don’t want to give him an ultimatum because I think he should be allowed his freedom but he needs to see that this affects me aswell, I stay up late worrying about him wondering what time he will come to bed. I wake up at 4am when he does come to bed. When previously discussed he has said he doesn’t know why it bothers me so much and it’s his life which I understand but I never know how to respond without sounding controlling.
I love this man when he’s sober, we rarely argue outside of this and we have our whole future planned but I don’t know how many times we can have the same argument before it becomes too much for me. Any advice on how to approach the topic sensibly and calmly?

AITA
I was 15 (f) beginning of grade 10 I was in a new school. I got close to 3 boys who ill call Larry, Paul, and Eli and their friend group became mine
Me and Eli had the same history class and we clicked immediately we started talking. Larry was in my ELA class and same thing we connected and started playing video games together with Paul and some of our other friends online and irl. We all hung out as a big group.
Eli and I started dating in November and Eli ended up transferring schools late December, but that didn't stop us. (Note my parents were not ok with me dating anyone so I was dating Eli in secret and got found out more than once and had to break up with him but than still dated him)
So here is where the timeline gets a little fuzzy January and February is when my mental health started getting really really bad, I have bipolar ADHD autism and a bunch more I just wasn't doing great. I was still friends with everyone involved, we hung out at lunch and did things together and played video games. All that fun stupid teenager stuff
It is not clear to me if I dated Larry or not because I don't remember enough to say, he hates me and from what I know talking our other friends I WAS STILL WITH ELI . I remember making jokes that Larry and Paul were my backup boyfriends because when I got harassed and threatened at school they were the ones coming to my rescue because Eli went to a different school.
So from my perspective and what I remember, everything was chill and great and then I had a psychotic episode and two of my close friends suddenly hated me. I don't know what I said or did. And I've tried reaching out to the boys but all I get from them is slurs and that I manipulate people. I have tried to say I'm sorry and to ask and figure out what happened but Larry and Paul are very mad at me even years later, they glare at me when we see each other in passing
I do believe I did something to hurt them and I feel bad about it, but I don't know what because I was not in my right mind. So am I the ass hole?
TL;DR I maybe dated someone and hurt their feelings but I was still in a relationship and also severely mentally ill

So, my ex and I broke up. As I’m sure you can tell 😕 I’ll give some backstory.
We hadn’t seen each other in over a month, and I was going to be starting a new job soon so I’d have significantly less time to spend with her. So I asked her to hang out on multiple occasions. Going out, coming over and relaxing with her, just ya know simple stuff. She was either busy working or needed rest from the long work week, which was true. I never doubted that. She did work a lot. But my brain had other ideas. See, I’ve been through a LOT of shit. Cheated on, lied to, ghosted, you name it. Every time I went through shit like that, I lost a piece of myself. My PTSD got so bad that any time something good was happening, I always assumed something bad was around the corner. I could never believe that I deserved happiness, and that life would come knocking and tear down even the smallest bit of hope or goodness happening. When she told me she was busy whenever I asked, I knew in my heart she was telling the truth, but my brain kept shouting at me, telling me it was a lie. Saying she didn’t wanna see me, I’m annoying, I’m not wanted, she’s preparing to leave me, shit like that. Mind you, we had been dating three months and let me fucking tell you, it was the best three months of life. I knew within the first month and a half that this was it. This was the one. Anyway, I sent her a long message about how I was feeling and what was happening, reassuring her that everything happening had absolutely nothing to do with her. My brain takes my trauma and tries to apply it whenever something goes a different way. At first, she apologized saying that I shouldn’t have had to go through such hard times, and what she could do to fix it. I told her it wasn’t something that was her responsibility. She isn’t supposed to fix me or put me back together. That’s my job. But then she went on to say things like “I don’t know why you don’t trust me and the things I say and that I’m secure in what we have.” “I am tired of not being seen and I’m not going to ask anyone to see me.” “You projected on me in a big way” “I’m not mad I promise but I don’t know if you’re gonna believe that either.” And then she said it. The sentence that ripped my whole world to shreds. “I don’t think this relationship is a healthy choice. I don’t see a way forward after this.” At first, I blamed myself for everything. I should’ve had this conversation in person, rather than over text. That was my first mistake. I still cry to this day because it was the happiest I’d ever been in a relationship. I found my dream girl. The last person I wanted to be with. My friends kept telling me it wasn’t my fault, and that I should be able to talk about my feelings with my partner. But I knew, deep down, it was my fault. I just couldn’t figure out why. Then yesterday, it hit me. When she said she didn’t feel seen, that’s what hit me. She reassured me all the time about us. And I kept pushing it down, when it was right in front of me, trying to subconsciously prepare myself for her leaving me, since I’ve been through it so much. I pushed her away. I made her feel like all the effort she put in was for nothing. I made her feel like no matter what, I'd never be able to fully trust her. She felt like she would never be enough. I chased her away. I finally realized it. I was at work when I was thinking about it, and I stopped driving and just started bawling my eyes out. I screwed up. The best part of my life, the best woman I've ever had, the full package, left, because of me. I sabotaged my own relationship. She was the one, and I blew it. And now I'm going to spend a lot of nights wishing I could take it back. I made a mistake. I fucked up. I'm never going to be able to forgive myself for that. So much has been taken from me in this life, and I'm supposed to let her go? I can't. I just can't. I've tried everything in terms of getting her back, I wrote notes, I messaged her roommates, stuff like that. I didn't wanna be the crazy ex boyfriend so I've just been sitting at work and at home thinking about it and I can't even focus on anything. I can't sleep. Food has no taste. Everything is heavy. My hobbies are boring now. It was so bad that I had to have my roommate delete her number and pictures because I didn't have the strength to do it myself. I do not know what else to do. It seems like everything I touch, comes to ruin. She's gone, but I can't help but have that 1 tiny slither of hope that she will return. I miss her so much, and I really really wish I could fix everything. But I can't. And I don't know what to do. I failed.

Disclaimer everyone in the story is above the age of 21.
A little background this happened many years ago during Covid when I met my best friend. We’re gonna call her Scarlet. I had just broken up with my very first boyfriend when Scarlet had asked me if I would like to meet a couple of her friends at a birthday party. we went to Ben’s house. when we got to the party it was just Ben, Scarlett and I. later on that night. Shane joined us. I kind of had a thing for Ben. Ben and I got each other’s social, medias and start talking. About a week went by Ben and I started dating and so did Shane and Scarlet. Scarlet was really into ghosting Shane , and she would often go out with Ben and a bunch of other friends, and leave shane behind. I wasn’t much of a drinker, so I wouldn’t attend to most of their outings, there has been some times where I would call Scarlet because I wouldn’t be able to get a hold of Ben and she would tell me she didn’t know where he was even though I got told by Ben’s friend Zack that they picked him up and it made me suspicious of what was actually going on. I had talked to Ben about it and he said that nothing happens other than they drink and talk about the relationships. Well, it happened to be that on one of their outings Scarlet and Ben got too drunk and ended up going upstairs into the little brothers room of their friends Jose’s house. turns out that during that night Ben ended up turning his phone off so that I couldn’t call him or disturb him and he put his phone on the top of the refrigerator. Jose end up telling me the next day about 4 o’clock in the morning telling me that they had sex and his little brothers room. when I found out I was devastated. I ended up taking all of the things he gave me, especially his hoodie and the shirts from my now ex best friend and I burned them all in my fireplace around 12 o’clock in the afternoon, Jose brought Ben over by my house to pick up his stuff when I’d already burned it all. Ben didn’t seem very mad tho almost like he expected it. I took the break up pretty hard. I ended up moving from my parents house to my aunts house because I really needed to get away from the situation in about three or four months are gone by before I ended up deciding I wanted to move back to my parents house. my parents are planning a trip for the whole family to Disney World. I was extremely excited for it right before I move back home. My parents talk to me in the car asking me if someone I knew was in a lot of pain and needed to place to stay what I let them, and of course I said yes. then he continued to say well What if it is somebody that you really hate and I said depends on the person. it turns out that my parents were letting Scarlet stay at the house. It was only supposed to be for a short time, but turns out that my sister and her came very close. Almost like mother and daughter. By the way my sister is about 30 and has no kids. And my sister intended on her staying for as long as she can. . I was very upset because not only did she cheat on her boyfriend with my ex boyfriend, but she completely lied to my face multiple times about where my ex boyfriend was. I want nothing more than for her honestly to just not be around me to leave me alone, but because of my sister and Scarlett‘s relationship they did everything together and she ended up getting extremely close with my mom and dad. and my mental health ended up d depleting. I ended up seeking professional help, and my parents ended up taking Scarlet instead of me using my ticket to Disney World. After I came back Shane had reached out to me finding out that I was back in town and I found out that Scarlett and him were still dating. I no clue she didn’t tell him and he was best friends with Ben. How could he not know. I ended up telling him what happened. he was so furious that he broke up with her and cut off their engagement. I had no idea that they were engaged. I felt extremely awful. It turns out that she wasn’t just cheating on him with Ben, but a couple other guys as well. almost a year had went by and Shane had asked me at least three times if I wanted to go out with drinks with him and I refused because I thought it wasn’t right since she was my ex friend but on my birthday about a year later me and him hooked up and started a relationship that ended up lasting about a year, so am I the asshole for ending my ex best friend relationship?

Greetings from a country, where "Dobre" means "good" :) (and that's one of reasons, why I watch You on Yt). Therefore please forgive me any mistakes. English is not my first language and I'm writing it late at night, because why not?
I would like to offer to You all a complicated love story. This will be long, so prepare yourself.
Over 20 years ago I (than F13) have met a boy (than M15). A boy diffrent than everybody else. And since I also have been considering myself "diffrent", we went along for some time. We lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school. Unfortunately we've had a fight and lost contact when he finished school. He later tried multiple times to contact me, but I ignored his SMSs, strongly advised by my mother to do so. She didn't like that boy, but never ever told me why.
After two years (me 16, he 18) he sent me SMS so intriguing, that I answered. That caused us to start bonding, sending messeges, later meeting again in person. Few months later he confessed, that he falled in love with me. As very prudent and reasonable girl I thanked him and informed him, that I need to think this trough. But my heart was beating very fast that day. When at evening I told about his confession to my mum, she wasn't happy. She warned me, that boy "only think about one thing". I was very disappointed about her reaction.
Two days later I confessed my love to the boy and we became couple. I was just starting same high school that he went to, so we automaticly became highschool sweathearts. It lasted for... a month.
One day he came to me, visibly distressed, and told me that his father find out about our relationship and was mad. As well as my mother he didn't thought I was good for his son. Reason? Honestly I've no idea. But if anyone is starting to guess, that maybe me and boy where halfsiblings - absolutely not. When we where born our parents haven't know each other yet.
My boyfriend father demanded he brake up with me. Of course the boy didn't want to, but there was some kind of threat from the father and he broke. I felt numb after this situation. He wasn't able to look at me, when we were meeting on schoold corridors and our little town sidewalks. Two young broken hearts and lost hopes - for a month of happiness.
With end of school year he finished high school and went to collage, but still lived with his parents and I saw him from time to time. And again, we haven't spoke for about two years.
We (me 19, he 21) renewed contact when I was about to finish high school and planed to go to collage in same city than he. We were both single at that time and still liked to talked with each other, but we were afraid about our parents reaction if we'll start dating again. So we creatively chose different type of realationship - the kind that has "benefits" ;)
After some months of being friends and meeting from time to time, at one of our, well, dates he suddenly became serious and said: I don't want to be like this anymore, I still love you and want you to be my girfriend. And, well, I agreed immediately. But, of course, we havent't told our parents.
It wasn't the same as first time. My trust for lasting of our relationship (actually - any romantic relationship) was destroyed after first time. He, on the other hand, was still very much afraid of his father. And it turned out, we were both right to fear. It took only about 1,5 of a month for his father to find out. And again, one day my boyfriend came to me crying, that he has to chose between me and roof over his head (and he wasn't working during studies, only on summer break, so he had no his own money). At first he was determined to fight, but after thinking this trough he eventually broke up with me again. It was very hard for me too. Unfortunetly I had no one to turn to. My parents cared only if I'm doing good on studies, nothing more.
Hurt caused by my situation led me to thinking that I don't need a man in my life, because it's too painful. Few years later I strongly decided to never get married, even if any man will became important in my life.
Did I forget my double exboyfriend? Of course not. And he did not forget me. We even exchanged online messeges from time to time. Later we find out that after second break up we both thought that one day in the future - very distant future - if we meet, than we probably will again try to be together. Maybe even if we would be in relationships with other people. There was still fire between us that nevet got chance to burn out.
Well, our meeting again happend sooner than we expected. And again we started some kind of loose relationship with benefits. It was hard. My trust and his hope were broken by previous events, not only those regarding us together. And, again, after few months he told me he can't do this and he want's us to be in real, official relationship. And I agreed, but didn't expect much. I must confess, I was very much bitter at that time and probably also during a heavy depression episode, which wasn't diagnosed nor treated.
However my (than 21) boyfriend for the third time (than 23) wasn't boy anymore. He grown up to be a stronger and determined to not repeat scheme that happened twice before. He became to create a plan and quickly tried to convince me to it.
That plan was actually quite simple: we have to get married. If we get married, no one will tell us to break up. (Divorce procedure ist very hard in our country and at the same time getting divorce it is still outrageous from the point of view of society.)
Remember, that I decided to never get married? Well, it took him few weeks to convince me. In the end we got engaged after 2,5 months of relationship. The wedding was suposed to happend after he came back from trip abroad, where he was going to work.
My parents weren't happy, but went along. They only demanded that we make traditional wedding party and invite our relatives. We didn't want to have such party, but since they insisted, we agreed.
His mother was very happy. She from the very first time we were together thought we are made for each other, but her husband had the final say at home.
And he, that's my fiancé's father, was obviously not happy. He was angry. And, again, he tried to force his son to brake up. But this time the son chose to move out from parents house instead. He lived at students' hotel for some time, and after that gone abroad to work, as planned.
After he returned we started to live together. While we were studying, my parents took care of planning the wedding as they wanted, from time to time consulting with us some of detailes. Meanwhile my fiance's father was trying to provoke us or my parents to end our relationships. Fiance's mother only tried to convince us to take wedding in church, but we never agreed, because it was against ours believes.
You may think that my parents planning wedding for me were at least fine with the situation. They were not. Even in last week before wedding my mother was at the same day helping me buy a vail and convincing me, that I can back out of wedding even the day before and it will be ok. And she never explained why in her opinion it was such a bad idea to marry this man...
Finally the wedding happend and we became husband (age 25) and wife (age 23). Party was very nice, and we were very happy. My husband was right - no one ever told us to get divorce and our relationship became finally accepted as a fact.
My FIL only dared to say, that we won't last a year. Well, we did. We'll have our 13th anniversary soon and our marriage is better than ever. Meanwhile FIL divorced his wife of 30 years (my MIL), got married again few years later, started another divorced procedure after only 3 months of marriage, which he never finished because... he died before turning retirement age, after he made his whole family, including his mother and all children, his enemies. He never apologised for his actions.
My parents became good friends with my husband. He turned out to be quite likeble man. Who could knew? They also never apologised nor explained, what was so wrong in this man from their point of view.
​
At the end I would like to share with you some of my thoughts, that I have years after all this happened.
First of all - we were back than just poor college students, with no job, still living with parents. But the urge to keep us together this time was so strong, that it didn't matter. I still find myself very suprised everytime when a couple waits with wedding, because they're waiting for something: ending studies, having stable job, buying home, etc. My and many other examples I know shows, that those things are not needed to start marriage.
And now let me tell you, that I often think, that if only our parents weren't so much against this relationship, there is huge possibility that we would be together for some time... and than we would see whatever our parents have seen. What might have ended our relationship in natural way and we might never look back. And not be toghether today. But, I guess, we'll never know.
However I'm quite happy whith how things are now.
I wish You all lots of love. We all need it.

pls lmk if I should post in the ait(a) subreddit. I read the rules and don’t think my situation could apply
I (22f) have been working at this retail job for more than 2 years now and in the beginning I met 2 girls, Abby(23f) and jasmine (21f). I grew really close to Abby, we have similar personalities and we get along really well. On the other hand, when I met jasmine , there was just somethinggggggg in me like a gut feeling giving me a red flag. I just didn’t like her. I had no reason not to, and to this day I don’t have a valid reason to as she was kind to me. Like I’m losing the words to type with because I genuinely do not know what it is about her, maybe our personalities just don’t mesh??? I just feel annoyed when we’re together. I’m very kind to her and we joke around but we don’t text or talk at all unless it’s with abby. And I’ve prayed about it ever since I met her and asked for conviction to see if I’m just being a mean girl but idk.
Anyways, jasmine left our job about a year after I started and the three of us hang out probably once every other month bc our schedules are so busy, but abby and I still work there and have hung out at least once a week. I really don’t know jasmine all that well but abby and Jasmine are close as they have similar interest and hobbies. In MY eyes, jasmine and I have not moved past the “work friend” phase.
Fast forward to a few months ago, jasmine is getting engaged to her then boyfriend (now fiancée m22) and abby and I weren’t planning on staying long as we drove pretty far to a small town and wanted to get home before dark bc the town had virtually no streetlights. We were there for about two hours (one hour was us anticipating jasmines arrival bc it was a surprise proposal) and jasmine’s boyfriend said to wait until the food gets here, we said that’s fine. Food gets here and I’m really not in the mood to eat, her boyfriend sees nothing in front of me and says “if you’re not gonna eat why’d you bother coming” in I think a playful way but he didn’t laugh as he said it and it rubbed me the wrong way entirely. I sassily said back, “I came to celebrate you guys, not get a free plate of food”. I left that event with a really sour taste in my mouth (no pun intended lol).
Jasmine and her fiancée are a little iffy, they don’t really know the boundaries between a joke about race (I’m black) and something offensive. They’re Hispanic fyi. The only example I’ll leave you with is one day all four of us hung out and they “gifted” me a book about a runaway slave. I have mentioned I love history but…. Idk. It just feels like anytime they see a black person, a joke is directed at me.
I’ll end with this. Jasmine always mentions how Abby and I are her life long friends and I always feel awkward and shake my head yes when she says that but I still only see her as a girl I met at work and I don’t really want to continue being friends. Is it mean for not wanting to be friends with Jasmine anymore?
*For more context as to why I haven’t brought this up to her before: There used to be two other girls in our work friend group. Everything was fine for maybe three months and all of a sudden the two girls were incredibly rude to both Abby and Jasmine, but mostly Jasmine. Just like shady, high school mean girl side eyes and unfollowing socials etc. I obviously was on the side of Abby and Jasmine because they didn’t do a single thing to those girls, and the other two girls quit and ghosted us. I didn’t say anything sooner bc I feared Abby and Jasmine would think I was on the other girls’ side the entire time, when really, I had this feeling about Jasmine since the moment I met her.
I have never ranted like this before so sorry if there are some inconsistencies, I would really like to hear other peoples viewpoint from an outside perspective. Thanks!

For starters, we are not couples yet but we are in the beginning of a relationship. We started talking 2 months ago and things were a bit rocky in the beginning as we miscommunicated a lot and there was drying texting from her side and made a few mistakes here and there but it got better as we got to know each other more.
I (20M) should note that she (20F) is a very shy person and is very anxious irl, many times on dates she would not say much at all and I was the one holding the conversation together.
Yesterday we had a big argument (over text) because I didn’t answer her msg after 30 mins. I was at a friends house and didn’t have my charger and my phone was about to die so I had to wait until I got home to text her. Long story short she got pissed off with me that I didn’t text her back and basically said that things were not going to work with us anymore and that she doesn’t think it’s going to last anymore. I called her out on it and said that’s not fair and what not. We then went on a bit more and it got to a point where I called her out on how she tries to argue with me about the smallest stuff. She got pissed even more and said that things were over with us. I left her on “Ok”.
The next day she’s texted again, this time a bit more light hearted and warm and we got into it what happened last night. Again long story short we texted throughout the day about where we see ourselves going with this relationship. Then we texted more this evening and it sort of clicked with me and I just had this “ahah” moment. * I must note that what happened last night had happened before as explained below. *
She’s been trying to make arguments out of the smallest of things since we met, she also is very pessimistic and will often say things like “yup we’re done”, “things aren’t going to workout with us” “I’m so done with us”, “Alr that’s it, good luck with the rest of your life then”. I can’t help but find this very childish and very frustrating and honestly quite hurtful. So I asked her about it and we kind of delved deep into the problem and found the root of why she’s likes this (kind of) and it turns out she is treating me exactly the way her ex used to treat her which I found very strange. I asked her why she treats me like that and she said that she doesn’t know why and how to stop and that I should just accept that she is going to be like this and she can’t control her emotions like that. She said she can’t and won’t change the way she does acts. It’s funny cause she said her ex is coming over next week to her house because he needs help with his exams so he asked my gf’s sister to help him out. I’m like, we’ll fuck I haven’t even been to her house and we’ve been dating for 2 months and now her ex is coming over to hers??? like what is that about.
She says she wants us to continue but that she doesn’t want to at the same time because she feels like she is hurting me too much. I’ve just gotten to the point where I’m tired of having to constantly go around in loops of telling her that’s “its going to be fine” and “we’ll make it through this”, “ you can trust me” etc etc etc. all the approvals and reassuring over the same issue over and over and over again. I’m tired of arguing over the same issue again and again. Every time a bring up a solution to a problem (more so the same problem) there is always and excuse of “it’s not going to work” “idk about that” “this is hopeless” or some pessimistic answer. I’m also tired of the dry texting she does and then gets upset when I don’t answer her back enough.
I must also note that I have been very good to her. I’ve always respected her boundaries and never over stepped. Never abused her in any way (verbally, physically, sexually, emotionally) was always there to comfort her when she needed help and always there to lend a hand.
Regarding how her ex treated her. I was thinking it might be a psychological flaw in that she mistakes the way her ex showed love to her with how you would normally show love to someone. A bit like how an abused child would stay in an abusive relationship when he/she got older because it’s a familiar type of love. Maybe idk?
I just don’t know what to do because I like her a lot and want to go further but if this is the way she is going to be acting, I think I should just call it off and move on. Like I said I want to continue on but if she is going to keep acting like this where she causes arguments for the smallest of things while trying to blame the fact that she can’t control her emotions and that’s why she acts like this and then Saying she doesn’t want to be together anymore. To be fair we haven’t gotten sexual yet (even tho she really wants to over text?!?). We haven’t even kissed yet lol.
What do you guys think? Really need some advice
TL;DR my Gf is treating me like her ex boyfriend treated her. How do I go about this

So I’m very new to dating, he’s my first boyfriend and it’s only been a week since we made it official and I know that’s really early but we’ve connected a lot. Yesterday at 8:30 am he texted me “good morning baby” and I haven’t heard a word from him since. I know it’s only been a day and I should give him some time but he’s been online on his social media so I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m a major over thinker so I’m trying to remain calm. During the past 24 hours I’ve started thinking about the things he’s said to me the past few weeks. He talks about marriage a lot and he’s Christian, which is fine, I’m not personally but I don’t mind at all. He’s mentioned that he doesn’t support pre-marital sex, which I understand, I personally would prefer it but it’s whatever. Something that rubs me the wrong way though is that he doesn’t think if he goes out and hooks up with someone else that it’s cheating, because we’re not married. He says technically we’re not exclusive or committed to each other unless we’re married. Which I really did try and understand, but the more I think about it the more it sounds like he’s just trying to make an excuse for cheating, justifying cheating because we’re not married. This scared me a lot because how do I know he’s not going to go cheat on me. I’ve spoken to a few friends and family members and one of my friends said it’s a little odd but it’s probably fine, but everyone else is telling me this is a major red flag. Is that a red flag?

I want to start off this post by taking complete accountability. Anyone who reads this is going to not like me by the end of it and I agree with you. I want help. I was a massive loser most of my life. I've never had any real long term relationships. I weighed over 300 pounds and played computer games most of my life. I'm that guy. Literally a redditor.
Two years ago I lost all the weight. When I lost the weight I started to get attention from the opposite sex. Just this year I got my first girlfriend since I was 20. We've known each other for two years actually, she watched me kind of transform myself and we've always been great friends and we've always had a little thing with each other. She is a single mother from a bad divorce just two years ago, she has a two year old child. I do not mind at all the prospect of being a stepfather because I'm 30 already and I care for her a lot. I also like children and want one of my own so it's no issue.
As we dated, I got to know her, and got to know her ex-husband, and I became so full of insecurity and judgement I have potentially ruined the relationship and I'm an idiot and I need help I don't want to lose her.
The first thing - I insulted her tastes: I'm your typical elitist keyboard redditor, I am a snob about movies, books, art, computer games, you name it. She is the opposite. She loves ACOTAR and her favorite movie is Avatar. The funny thing is we went to a bookstore together and I got all these classics like The Odyssey and Phantom of the Opera, and I realized I am just grabbing books the internet and school and society has told me are good. I don't even know if I'll like them. You know what she was doing? Ecstatically browsing the authors she already knows she likes. I was jealous. It made me realize I might not even know what the hell I like when it comes to books, or movies, or art I just go with whatever is highly rated and I enjoy those. I have called her out on her basic tastes in media before and it really hurt her, it was only after the bookstore incident I realized she is having more fun reading than I am and maybe I'm the idiot.
The second thing - Her ex husband. He is a massive tool. She left him for a reason. He is actually a bigger loser than me, but in the opposite way. He was jacked, wore tap out shirts, would put holes in the drywall. Break TV's with his hands. Lose control. Would scream at her till she was crying on the floor. Would get absolutely piss drunk and piss their bed, piss in the hallway, not be able to help with the baby. He got caught a few times trying to buy prostitutes during their relationship. Got caught with dating profiles. Etc. He got his shit together for two years is why she married him and had the child but the child made everything worse and he went back to his old ways and she divorced him. I judged her and kept asking her why she would be with a toxic awful man like that for so long and I could never understand it. Pictures of her hanging out with him and his super douchebag looking friends who all look like him. I hate that she used to casually hang out with what I consider just trash dudes. And I judged her for that and said mean things that really hurt her.
The third thing - her social media: My girlfriend is attractive. Like really attractive. Like I had no idea when I lost the weight I would look decent enough to get a girl like this. She regularly gets 300 or so likes on her instagram photos. She has workout photos on instagram. She has one of her in a really tight bikinni. She also has 5 or 6 photoshoots, like she really likes photoshoots. Nothing risky except the bikinni photo. She knows she is hot and she likes to post on social media about it. I criticized her and said she seeks out male validation on social media and it's unhealthy. I told her she has the instagram profile of a girl who would have a toxic ex boyfriend like her husband. She said if I trusted her and was secure in our relationship she should be allowed to post whatever she wanted, she doesn't care about likes from men and never responds to DM's she gets (she even shows me the DM's when they come in) - she just loves to feel confident and it's a big part of her life. She also admitted when she was young she would go to bars sometimes and dance up on bar in the ones where that's allowed. I'm intimidated and insecure about her being so confident and wanting everyone to look at her. She has a completely normal, maybe even low number of sexual partners in her life, she's not promiscuous (8 people at 28 years old) - and she is a great woman she has never cheated on anyone in any past relationship. She was very hurt by my critism of her social media and even took a few pictures down to make me feel better but now she says she's scared to post anything because of me and how I'll feel. I feel terrible that I've criticized her for this out of complete insecurity. I'm just intimidated by how confident and attractive she is.
I have done nothing but judge this woman and she really is incredible. I used to think all her likes and tastes where shit but I realized actually I am just a sheep and she knows what she fucking likes, who cares if it's basic at least she has her own tastes - same with movies. The social media thing I feel so stupid and bad that she took down a bunch of pictures she loves because of me I made her feel really bad one night about it. And her ex-husband, I made massive mistakes in my life and sat at a computer and was crazy obese for years how can I judge her for not hanging out with maybe the best guys back in the day?
I just feel really shitty. I like her like crazy. We've known each other for years and we always are great friends it's a miracle we are dating she's like my best friend and we laugh and get along so well when I'm not judging and critising her. I'm intimidated by how confident and attractive she is, I'm also an asshole snob about media and I am too judgmental about her past mistakes with the ex-husband.
How do I fix this please I need help. She is so disgusted by my mean comments and judgements over these past 4.5 months she doesn't even want to text me right now, though she says we aren't breaking up yet (I asked). I need to know what to say and how the shit do I fix this in the future and never let this be a problem again I DONT want to lose her AT ALL.
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tl;dr - I am insecure about how attractive my girlfriend is and her social media use as well as an asshole about her taste in music and movies and judged her for her past mistakes in relationships. How do I fix this about myself going forward?
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So my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and he wanted to wait a bit before having sex and “virginity” was always such a big deal to him so I just said I was one. It was all fine until his friend that I’d never met before, but was really close to my boyfriend flew into town on his birthday. The second that dude walked into the room I had a feeling I knew him from somewhere, but I don’t know how I didn’t put 2 and 2 together until this dude, a while into the birthday party comes to me and says “he doesn’t know does he?” and thats when I realised that this guy is the same person I actually lost my virginity to a while ago. Anyways I didn’t really know what to do in the situation and I just continued lying about my virginity and hiding my past relationship with his best friend to my boyfriend. Whenever we are alone the friend keeps mentioning it and making just uncomfortable statements. I’m not so sure what to do cause now my boyfriend wants to have sex with me.

This was originally on, AITAH Hi, my name is not important, but my friends call me Dulec. I am a 14-year-old girl, and my best friend is a 15-year-old girl named Mily. I have another friend who is also 14, and her name is Kaylee. Mily and I have been friends for two years now, but it feels like we have known each other forever. We are very close and always hang out together, just like sisters and best friends do. We have each other's backs, especially in school.
Lately, Mily has been spending time with a different set of friends. I don't mind it much because she is free to choose her own friends, just as I am. I am not the kind of person who gets bothered by this.
Over course of 3 months Mily has been displaying some odd behaviors. let's just leave it there for now and talk about her friends.
Her friends are the type of people who make jokes about child abuse, the Holocaust, slavery, and racism. They also constantly use racial slurs around their one black friend. As a black person who has experienced abuse and racism, I don't want to associate with those kinds of people.
I confided in my friend Mily about the abuse I suffered as a child and the emotional scars and trauma it left me with. She kept insisting that I tell her everything, which made me feel uncomfortable. This will be relevant later on.
I'm not very knowledgeable about sexual education, just the basics. However, after I confided in Mily about my past, she started treating me like a child and talking down to me.
Fast forward to cheer practice, where all the cheerleaders were eating together at a table. We started discussing boys, and I said I wasn't interested in anyone. One girl at the table attacked me for saying that, and I told her there was no need to be so hostile. She then accused me of using "big words" and said that's not how people are supposed to talk. I explained that I learned those words in school, but the girl continued to attack me.
I have never told many people this, but because of what I've been through in my life, I had to grow up mentally much faster than my peers. When the girl asked me if I had a boyfriend or knew about sex, I replied that I didn't have to answer that. I looked to Mily for support, but she sided with the other girl and called me dumb.
"After that, I felt really bad around her and had a mental breakdown. I was going through a lot in my life at the time and didn't need her to be a terrible friend to me. All I wanted was love and support for once in my life to not feel alone. I have always been there for her, and even when she felt sad, I comforted her. She did the same thing that hurt me to know."
"Now let's go back in time for a moment. Do you remember Kaylee in Kaylee's class? They were learning about the Holocaust and the terrible things that happened. The girl said to Kaylee since she had Jewish descent, she was supposed to be in the concentration camps and killed. I don't know about you, but that's a crazy thing to say to someone. Especially my friend. I was angry but couldn't do anything because of principle. I already did something, but I set the record straight with her that I didn't like her. Each time I saw her in the hallways, I gave her a dirty look. A few weeks after the incident, guess who became friends with the girl who said that? Mily. I was bewildered, but if she wanted to be friends with her, that's okay. I just personally did not like her because of what she said. I also tried to stay as far away as I could from her. Kaylee seemed hurt."
"Fast forward to five months after everything I've just told you. I called up Kaylee and said, 'I feel very bad.' And she said, 'What's wrong?' So, I started venting to her about how I felt about Mily. She told me our relationship was kind of toxic. The fact that Mily persistently asked about my abuse story after knowing belittled me and made me feel bad."
"A few weeks after that, I decided to break up our friendship. I did not want to deal with that, and I would rather not deal with someone who hurts people that I care about, which is Kaylee. Now she is one of my best friends. But now Mily is talking behind my back and saying that I was a bad friend. I'm sorry, but that made me reconsider my decisions. So, am I the asshole?"

As the title says, our protectopersecutotrauma holder, Nyx, tried to implode our relationship with our boyfriend today. This isn't the first time, but this has been the worse instance. I know it caused him so much pain cause he is trying so hard, and she knew it was hurting him too.
We are in different countries and last night while discussing our future, he let it out that he is worried we will find the money to make it work and come together. We have had this same concern, but Nyx was triggered by this discussion. He's said in the past, that if we can't find a way, we will have to go our own way. He is autistic, so is not being mean, just being logical.
Realistically, we understand this means to him not that we will not try and exhausted every effort before calling it quits, but that if we get to that point, it would be best for both of us not to waste our lives in a relationship that can not progress the way we both want it to. Still, we can't fathom the thought of not being with him. Not even Nyx. So what does she do? She tries to push him away now in order to lessen the pain we'd feel if we did have to go our own ways.
She forced front and tried her best to end things with him. The thing is, he's the first person she's ever loved or trusted. I think that is why she is so afraid to lose him. The rest of us have loved before. We've trusted. It hasn't worked out but we've taken the chance. He's special cause all our known alters are in love with him. And it's for good reason, he's the most amazing person we know.
Nyx has a lot of her own trauma from being our protector ect. She's known so much darkness. She saw how much what she was doing was hurting him and she broke. She... none of us... ever want to intentionally hurt him in anyway. She let a lot go while talking to him. I, and the known others in our system, all have feared her. She's done things she's only allowed us to share with him. That's how much she trusts him. She's never let us tell a living soul and says she will never let us again.
He is quite literally the one person in this world who knows us the best and he still loves us. All of our parts. Nyx, and by proxy, all of us, really hurt him today. He's so young. We all worry he is making a mistake being with us. He says he doesn't see us as a mistake. That we saved him and he isn't afraid. He assures us it's okay and that we are fine. Nothings has changed.
But how long before he breaks if we can't get Nyx and the rest of us into a better place? There is only so much a person can take. This has left the entire system feeling like there is this gap now between us and him. We feel so guilty.
All of us are so sad. We don't know where to go from here, and all we want is a hug. One from him especially and we know we can't have that. The only small hope we have is that the things Nyx revealed will help us heal and make her less volatile in the future.

Basically I (19F) have been friends with this guy (20M) for like 1.5 years since we started college. At the time of us meeting I already had a boyfriend (21M) who also goes to the same college.
This friend is kind of a shy, introverted guy with low self esteem (as he says himself) and when I met his friends (most of them were girls from either high school or uni), he told me that he had a crush on all of them at some point in time and they all “rejected” him. Also, as the girls then later told me, he would confess his crush retroactively, aka after he already lost feelings due to the fear of rejection. Mind you, that was like 4 girls and that’s only the ones I’ve met. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s had crushes on more female friends, that I just don’t know.
He’s almost always very nice to me and asks to hang out a lot. It’s never romantic, just meeting over food and sometimes with his other friend around. Whenever I mention that I am in town or free he always tries to initiate a meet up even if we met 2 days prior to that.
He always tries to praise me and says that I’m really good at something and often gives me compliments like straight-up saying that I look beautiful and stuff. I never really paid attention to it and just said “thanks” without being overly nice because I don’t want to send the wrong message. My boyfriend noticed it yesterday and suggested that he may have a crush on me, since he’s crushed on pretty much all of his female friends and the only reason he’s not confessing is because I am in a relationship.
For context, my boyfriend fully trusts me and is never jealous and never had an issue with me hanging out with this friend, because he trusts me to be loyal ofc.
That friend was also “inviting” me to visit his home country over the summer break. I didn’t really like the conversation though. That’s sort of how it went: - Omg you should definitely come to __ this summer - Why would I go there? - Well because it’s nice - I would maybe go for the food - What about me? - What do you mean? - So you wouldn’t go there for me? :(((
Like obviously I don’t want to tell him that I’m dying to go to his hometown to see him, because 1. I don’t 2. I think it’s not very respectful to say to someone while in a relationship that you’d go somewhere specifically for them. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend saying that to other girls 3. If he already has some feelings towards me, that could give him the wrong impression or hope for requite, which is definitely not there 4. I tried to get out of this conversation because I don’t have the money to go there anyways and don’t want to stay at his house
I am not sure if he actually has a crush on me, but there is no definite way of knowing so how can I better draw boundaries without being rude (as in the conversation above)?

My (F26) boyfriend John (M29) has been with me for about a year— he’s met my parents but not my brother. My little brother Tom (M10) is going through a “dog phase”, basically he likes to crawl around and bark and act like a dog. We think it’s hilarious and we ask him to do tricks and we give him candy as treats. It’s all good fun and he isn’t like messed up in the head, it’s just something he likes to do.
John and I had plans to go on a date tonight but I had a work emergency and had to rush to work, so I asked if he could come over and watch my little brother until my mom got home. He agreed readily (love him) but due to the time crunch I didn’t really tell him about Tom’s dog phase. I figured it wouldn’t really be an issue so I left once he got to my house and went to work.
I don’t get to check my phone at work often but John called and asked if it was okay to go outside with Tom, as he wanted to play outside. He also asked if Tom was okay, because instead of asking he just sat and kind of poked at John and then the door. I said yeah he’s fine but then I had to go back to work. I didn’t hear from them until I finished at work and went home, my mom was there but John wasn’t. My mom told me I needed to talk to John because he really upset Tom. I talked to Tom and he said that he was just playing and John started yelling at him and scared him.
Tom is really sensitive and if anybody talks sternly to him or disciplines him he considers it yelling, so I didn’t immediately assume John actually screamed at him or anything. John and I talked and I asked what happened and according to him, he went to our backyard with Tom and sat reading a book while Tom played.
He said he checked on him every five minutes or so and he was fine, but one time he looked up and didn’t see him so he looked for him. He says he found Tom going #2 by the side of our house and he told him to stop that, which scared Tom really bad. John says he sat Tom down and tried to explain that you shouldn’t do that outside and that if he had to go to the bathroom he could just go inside or ask John to take him, but Tom threw a fit and, according to John, “started kicking and shitting everywhere”. I didn’t believe him at first but he sent me a picture of his shoes which had poop on them and I also went outside where I could kind of see the residue on the floor. I talked to my mom and she’s extremely upset and says John had no right to discipline a child that isn’t his. I kind of agree with her but I also feel really bad that John got his shoes dirty.
I was talking to my friends to get a second opinion and they all said that I need to give John an apology and the “king treatment”. This kinda upset me but I value their opinion highly so I’m not sure who I should believe. So AITA?