Hey! I’m 19F, 5’0 & 174 lbs. After my first gynecologist visit I got diagnosed with PCOS and got a Liletta IUD inserted in April. I got bloodwork done recently but have not been back as I have college 3 hours away from my gyno, so I don’t know of the results in anything.
I’m reaching out because I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been eating high fiber & low carb and I’ve been walking everyday & weightlifting, but I have not lost any weight. My weight itself would be fine if it were allocated in the right places. I have no butt, big thighs, and a B shaped belly. My stomach pokes out as if I’m pregnant, and it tears at my confidence every day. What do I do? I heard there is some type of medication for this, but what doctor do I ask, gyno or primary? And what do I ask, do I outright just say, “Please give me weight loss medication” ?

By the time he moves it will have been 3 months together post breakup. I knew this would be tough as we've grown close again and it has me questioning everything. Everyone warned me about this but we mutually agreed to end this relationship with kindness. We still love each other very much. I won't just force him out. We are in a very HCOL area. I want to look back on our final days with a smile. It makes it hurt more but..it's what we want.
I know the breakup is official and we're not turning back. But we've been having fun. We separated bedrooms but still cuddle on the couch. No sex since the breakup (not really any before either).
We're in like...a weird post breakup honeymoon phase? We aren't kissing or being intimate (aside from cuddling) like I said. But we're having lots of fun together, never arguing, being true to ourselves and kind to each other. We've had some really fun weekends.
Anyways, he expects to move by June 15th. Finally got an official date. And when he told me, I completely broke down. I cried for a solid hour and just felt destroyed inside. Now I am so fearful of the emotions that will come as move out day gets closer. Every day kinda sucks more and more. What do I do? :(

My mother is in a care facility out of state (we live three hours away and don’t have a car, so we can’t get there regularly.) We visited her this weekend and noticed her teeth are in very bad shape; she has significant decay on multiple teeth and horrible breath. I called the facility the next day to point it out, and the medical director told me my mother has been refusing help with hygiene (brushing her teeth and showering.) She gets defensive and nasty with staff when they offer help, and then refuses to do it herself (she’s thrown away every toothbrush they’ve given her.) They said that they can’t force my mother to take care of herself or help her if she refuses, so there’s nothing they can do. I asked if there’s a mental health professional or counselor that visits who could be brought in, as this is a behavioral issue, and they confirmed there is someone who could do this. Honestly, given what we saw this weekend, getting her to brush her teeth is a moot point now; she needs to see a dentist for several extractions, but the facility guesses she’s going to refuse this.
My question is, can the facility just shrug their shoulders here? Is there really nothing to be done, or are they just not meeting her needs? Could she be helped at a facility that has more experience with middle and late stage dementia? I find it hard to believe my mother is the first resident to refuse help with hygiene; I’m surprised they seem to have no protocols for this.

This is about to be a very whiny, complaint filled, and selfish rant because I just need to complain. I’m so fucking exhausted, I’ve never felt this tired in my entire life and I still can’t catch a break. My daughters 19 months old and has been sleeping awful, she slept pretty good last night but I didn’t. I’m 22 weeks pregnant so the fatigue is really starting to hit me hard right now along with my daughter not sleeping well has just been difficult to deal with. My husband comes home from work falling asleep everyday even though he gets a full night sleep and I’m up every hour with our daughter.
His work has been having them work overtime and doing lots of manual labor lately so I know he’s exhausted as well. I’ll take our daughter constantly for him so he can nap/go to bed early because I know the struggle of trying to stay awake til bedtime. For some reason though I just don’t get that same courtesy, I can be asleep in our daughter’s room while she’s playing or asleep on the couch and he’ll wake me every time. I just wish I could get a day off, I do everything for everyone else and no one ever does anything for me. I’ve been cleaning constantly because we have gnats everywhere now, I do all chores except taking out the litter and trash, I just have no help with anything. I nap for my daughter’s hour long nap and it’s just not enough, I drink caffeine as well but nothing helps.
I’m so exhausted and my husband never has a full day off so I can never get rest when he’s rested since he’s also never rested. I just want a break. I love my daughter and I’m happy to be pregnant again but I’m so fucking tired. I wish I could be selfish and have every meal cooked for me, laundry done for me, naps available for me whenever I need, I just wish someone did something FOR ME rather than me always exhausting myself even more by doing everything for everyone else. I just wish and dream of a day off where I’m not needed 24/7, I’m not the only person doing the cooking and cleaning, and I can actually feel rested again because I’m not getting woken by someone when I’m asleep.

I’m home for the summer now. It has been less than a week and I’m already losing my mind.
I’ve been left alone with my parents’ dog for several hours every single day. Caring for him has basically become my responsibility. AGAIN. If I don’t feed him, take him for walks, or discipline him when he acts up, my parents will guilt trip me until I do. If I don’t do it, it either doesn’t get done, or they bitch and whine the whole time they’re doing it.
They’re content to let him bark and growl until my ears bleed, leave his vomit on the carpet, and not bother letting him outside for hours. I just want three seconds of peace and quiet, which I can’t GET because this dog is completely untrained and barks and scratches all hours of the day.
I hate how quickly they’ve gone back to relying on me to care for this thing. I took care of him all through high school because they didn’t. I actively opposed getting the dog and told them it was a bad idea. Did they listen? Nope. They have never made any actual attempt to train it (all his “training” comes from me, he doesn’t listen to anyone else because they’re extremely inconsistent with commands and either result to yelling, pinning him to the floor, or standing by and not doing anything) and they are never home to take care of it. I can’t just leave it to its own devices because then it tears up the house, pisses on the floor, or starts barking for my attention, and then I have even more to deal with.
I hate it so much. I wish we could give it to someone else, but my mom acts like the thing’s her damn child. I wish I could ignore it but the incessant whining, scratching, licking, growling, barking never fucking stops. It makes me want to tear my hair out sometimes.
Every solution I’ve tried has failed. In high school I demanded my parents either get someone else to watch the dog or start paying me, and they laughed it off like it was ridiculous (I was watching him for 8-14 hours a day) and told me if he was that much of a hassle, I should just put him in his crate until they get home. I might hate this dog, but I’m not a monster. The fact that they see that as a viable solution to my problem just goes to show how little they actually care about this dog. My mom has even said she just wanted a dog to have something nice around the house.
It was just so nice not having that responsibility while I was away, even if that meant he was neglected, which sounds awful. This thing is attached to me and I hate it. I can’t escape the responsibility of caring for it. I’m so close to telling my parents I refuse to look after it, and if it tears up their house while they’re gone, it’s not my fucking problem. It’s not my dog and I hate that they act like it is. I didn’t ask for any of this. I told them I didn’t want a dog and they couldn’t handle the responsibility of a dog, and they laughed it off. I was completely right and their heads are shoved too far up their asses to see it. I desperately need them to get off their asses and actually care for the thing they claim to love sooooo much.
Ugh. Fuck dogs. Fuck THIS dog.

I’m a 44/m on the autism spectrum, in my youth I struggled alot to find a job where I felt I belonged and wasn’t just tolerated. Not to mention one that could flourish into a career.
After many years I finally ended up in a position where I had job duties that interested me and management that i felt appreciated what I did and saw me as an asset to the company. I loved this job so much I went out of my way to succeed at it, teaching myself new skills in web development and data analytics (C#, SQL, etc.). Not only did this allow me to move up in title and pay, but the department I worked for was shifted into a vital role within the company thanks to my abilities. I thought I had found somewhere I could belong for the rest of my life.
Unfortunately for me, my coworkers and superiors slowly started moving to other departments or companies in order to further progress their careers. I stayed here because I loved my job, was appreciated for doing it and was happy. Eventually we got to a point where I am literally the only one left of the original team and the management that has replaced the great, understanding bosses I had, is not as positive or understanding.
They’ve implemented rules and restrictions like limiting WFH and flexible hours that used to help me immensely when I needed to focus on my job or work around my life responsibilities. Overall it just feels like they think of is as fast food employees who are going to just slack off if we aren’t monitored all the time.
As you can expect, this has caused lots of turnover and the department is a shell of what it once was. And it’s become pretty clear to me that I need to move on too, but as someone who hasn’t interviewed for a new job in 16 years, the idea of trying to find somewhere I fit in and can be happy as much as I was here is daunting. I just don’t want to go back to being miserable in a job where my boss clearly hates me again.
So I am asking for advice on how to know as much as I can before hand how well I might fit into a company’s culture. What should I look for, what questions should I ask? Should I mention anything in the interview about how best I am able to focus or be productive? Any advice you have would be appreciated, let me know if there is anything else you want to know!

I am trying to recover from an extremely traumatic break-up that took place 8 months ago and led me straight into therapy and psychiatry with bed-bound TSO for 5 days (5 months ago). I emphasise this to make it clear that this break-up was indeed enormously cruel and destabilising. My therapists both told me that my ex has several narcissist traits even if they can't of course diagnose him, for this reason I am posting here.
These are the things that I've been doing to try to recover (I started doing most of these things three months ago)
-100mg zoloft every day -psychotherapist every week -EMDR therapy every 2 weeks (actually just started this month this one) -psychiatrist once a month (I have a CPTSD diagnosy) -yoga once a week (starting from next week) -gym (weightlifting) 4-5 times a week -drink at least 2l of water a day -have stopped drinking alcohol and smoking -read at least one hour a day, lately only self-help books -I have two to three friends with whom I occasionally meet for a walk in the neighbourhood.
I haven't resumed a real social life and I don't go outside my small town. Before this happened I lived abroad alone in several countries. Now I can not even go outside my small town. Plus I work from home.
Today I am 30 years old.
What else can I do? Please, I would love to hear your suggestions and advices and what did you do to recover from this nightmare! I am trying to do my best but I still feel dead. After narcissist abuse what strategies did you adopt to come out of it? After how long did you recover?
Thank you!

Hi! I delivered our son on Monday 😊 delivery was smooth and quick however, they left parts of my placenta inside me as well as many very large clots. Inevitably that led to me needing an emergency D&C 6 hours postpartum. It was extremely scary and very avoidable. I was sent home and luckily the procedure went well and everything was cleaned out.
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar? If so, how was recovery? I’m still bleeding of course but nothing like I had been Monday! Now, I change a pad maybe every 4-7 hours, before it was every 30mins or so 😩🫣 I’m not seeing any clots and the blood varies from new to rusty reddish or pink. Just curious if this sounds normal for post D&C? Waiting to hear back from the doctor about PP questions!

Hi all, I could use some experienced perspective on manager feedback to see if I’m just too in my head or if my contributions are being overlooked.
For some background, I’m a mid-level dev (5yoe) working at a very, very large bank. I was brought onto a team about two years ago that’s rebuilding an internal tool. This internal tool was an old (15 years old?) Java app serving JSP pages that was added on to and patched a lot over its life. The end result is a Frankenstein monster that nobody really understands the full features of and there is little documentation, mostly vague requirements. Your typical “just make it work like the old one” situation.
Despite nobody on the 3 teams developing this app having any React experience at all, it came down from on high that we WOULD use React because all our development is moving to React. They moved me onto the team because I had some limited react experience.
Since then, I have: - Held several training sessions with the teams on React and Typescript - Written most of the tech designs for the React side of the application - implemented logging and telemetry on the UI side after a year of only having it for the backend, and gave a talk across our entire product group about it (seven teams) - at the request of management, re-written (solo, under tight deadline) three different features developed by the other teams that were extremely buggy, convoluted, and never worked correctly. We haven’t had an issue with them since, and this unblocked dozens of dev hours - trained and oversaw our four interns over last summer
I’ve been talking with my manager about wanting promotion from 601 (lower mid level dev) to 602 (higher mid level dev) because much of what I’m doing actually meets the job description of more senior levels (603). My manager told me that while I am hands down one of the best developers across the three teams, my knowledge of our complex infrastructure and CI/CD wasn’t there yet. In addition, she suggested I find a “problem area” to solve, like one of our 602s that recently took charge of a database migration.
She’s absolutely right about the infra and deployment side. Our deploys require a complex series of requests, approvals with very specific info from very specific and far spread systems. Everytime I do one, I get more comfortable, but I only do one every few months so it’s hard to get practice.
What stung was her statement about finding a “problem area” like the 2 month db migration. In my mind, taking an entire half of our app (the Ui) that was in shambles, leveling up three teams, implementing the monitoring, and working the tech designs WAS finding a problem area and solving it. In a big way, often requiring long hours.
I feel that 1) they don’t really take the Ui app seriously because they’ve always worked on multi page apps and view it as glorified JSPs and 2) I’ve worked so hard to make the UI a non-pain point that they don’t even realize all the work I put in.
This is already overly long but I’m happy to clarify or provide any examples. I just need some perspective.
Thanks!
Edit: I also want to add that most of the complexity of our app is in the UI. Like extremely dynamic forms and screens, including many screens that are slightly but crucially different from each other. Our backend is mostly a middleware that communicates with other services handled by other teams.

I am trying to recover from an extremely traumatic break-up that took place 8 months ago and led me straight into therapy and psychiatry with bed-bound TSO for 5 days (5 months ago). I emphasise this to make it clear that this break-up was indeed enormously cruel and destabilising. My therapists both told me that my ex has several narcissist traits even if they can't of course diagnose him.
These are the things that I've been doing to try to recover (I started doing most of these things three months ago)
-100mg zoloft every day -psychotherapist every week -EMDR therapy every 2 weeks (actually just started this month this one) -psychiatrist once a month (I have a CPTSD diagnosy) -yoga once a week (starting from next week) -gym (weightlifting) 4-5 times a week -drink at least 2l of water a day -have stopped drinking alcohol and smoking -read at least one hour a day, lately only self-help books -I have two to three friends with whom I occasionally meet for a walk in the neighbourhood.
I haven't resumed a real social life and I don't go outside my small town. Before this happened I lived abroad alone in several countries. Now I can not even go outside my small town. Plus I work from home.
Today I am 30 years old.
What else can I do? Please, I would love to hear your suggestions and advices and what did you do to recover from this nightmare! I am trying to do my best but I still feel dead. After narcissist abuse what strategies did you adopt to come out of it? After how long did you recover?
Thank you!

Dear idiots, Stop with your bullshit. We don't care. We really don't care. Every hour or so now days some fucker posts a story like "I sucked off my friend because he wasn't getting any" or todays story of "I'm hooking up with 3 of my coworkers." Seriously, its fucking annoying. Its not hot, (at all), half the time it isn't even good writing either. Its awful. Get out of here with your bullshit. If this is how you sell your content, you are a horrible sales person. I don't even agree with onlyfans in the slightest but come on, at least go promote your shit in places where its desired (are there even any?) If all you are is a sad lonely individual looking for some fappy friends, then there are subs to do this type of thing. Subs like Gonewildstories, or Sexstories, Sexystories, or hell even Sluttyconfessions. But we don't want that shit here. This is Confessions, we wanna hear about the time you stole your brothers ds and hid it so your parents could buy him a new one and you could keep the old one, we wanna hear about how you never watch a single real your girlfriend sends you on instagram but she doesn't know, how you got wasted and might have lost all your friend group last friday. Get the actual fuck outta here with your onlyfans bullshit, no one wants it. Signed: your average pissy redditor.

I'm 37(F), and I have been struggling with hormonal acne on my neck and jawline as well as large pores on cheeks/overall uneven skin texture. My hormonal acne really flairs up around ovulation and takes a couple weeks to heal. It doesn't happen every month, but when it does flair up it is pretty bad. I've never had acne before, so these big flair ups were concerning enough to go to dermatologist for me.
I went to my derm today with all of my skin concerns and walked out with 100 mg Spironolactone (1 pill daily), Clindamycin Phosphate Topical Solution (1%) pads (Rx says use in morning), and 0.025% Tretinoin cream (pea size amount at night). I'm not one to take medications (e.g., the Spironolactone), but I'm willing to give it a go for a few months to see a difference in my skin. Additionally, my dermatologist recommended I get a good quality Vitamin C serum. She suggested Skinceuticals Vitamin C, wondering if there's a more affordable option?
I would like some advice on how to start on the Clindamycin and Tretinoin. I have never used anything like this, and I don't want to over do it and ruin my skin barrier right off the bat. Do I start off using them on the same days? Do I alternate days? Should I start off using the Tret every third day? Can I start off using the Clindamycin everyday or every other day? Please advise! I want to do this the right way and not regret filling these prescriptions. Thank you!

October 25, 2022, the Commonwealth produced to the defense a copy of the initial Canton Police Department Incident Report with a purported creation date of January 29, 2022, at 0824 hours. Apparently unbeknownst to the individual that altered that report, a hard copy of that very same report dated “January 29, 2022, at 0824 hours” had already been provided to counsel for Ms. Read at her Arraignment seven months prior on February 2, 2022. The two Canton Police Department Incident Reports are (almost) identical and purport to have been created and generated on the exact same date at the exact same time. However, the report produced on October 25, 2022 (“the Altered Report”), is different from the report produced months earlier on February 2, 2022 (“the Original Report”), in two very significant respects: (1) the Altered Report swaps the single crime scene photograph included within the report from a photograph that was taken on the morning of January 29, 2022 by Canton PD (where there were clearly no pieces of Ms. Read’s taillight at the crime scene), to a crime scene photograph taken on February 3, 2022 by Massachusetts State Police (when Trooper Proctor purportedly recovered pieces of her taillight at the scene days later after he had already taken possession of her vehicle and the Altered Report, replaces Brian Albert’s “primary” cell phone number (the very same number Jennifer McCabe deleted from her cell phone belonging to “uncle brian a”) with a completely different number.
The above paragraph is from KRs attorney to CW. I have read the Commonwealth opposition and it seems DA Morrissey responded to every one of defenses arguments except this diabolical excerpt.
Does anyone know if I am missing it or did he just willfully ignore this?
https://www.scribd.com/document/642121594/Commonwealth-vs-Read-Opposition

Compiling QMK to Blok - anyone succeeded?

My command:
qmk compile -c -e CONVERT_TO=BLOK -kb boardsource/microdox/v2 "boardsource-microdox-v2-boardsource-microdox_comfort-v04-00-00.json"
The result and error:
~~~ ⚠ "git describe --abbrev=6 --dirty --always --tags" returned error code 128 ⚠ "git describe --abbrev=6 --dirty --always --tags" returned error code 128 builddefs/build_keyboard.mk:62: *** multiple target patterns. Stop. ~~~
Notes, including about environment and project files:

• I'm running this from within the directory of the source code downloaded from https://config.qmk.fm/.
• Early in this process, I was getting some kind of errors about lib/chibios/os/hal/lib/streams/streams.mk, which didn't exist. So I downloaded that project, which included that specific path. Then I started getting the error above. I also re-tried with all available versions of chibios, from 2020 to 2024.
• I tried fresh again, by starting with a clean project downloaded from https://github.com/qmk/qmk\_firmware/. I then filled in linked repos to chibios and chibios-contrib to make shure those files were all there. And copied my configured keyboard .json file into the top-level qmk_firmware project directory. Same problem.
• Strangely, I can't recreate it complaining about chibios, even if those lib folders aren't there. Which seems to indicate that the "multiple target patterns" problem is happening earlier in the build process. I don't know how I apparently got further before, I'm not apparently doing anything different.
• The git errors don't seem to be fatal. And I've run git init on the directory.
• According to my googling, the "multiple target patterns" error seems to be the result of a colon, space, or possibly some other illegal character in the output filename or command that generates it. But I can't figure out how or where that's happening in the makefile, based on variables and macros set.
• I'm running on Debian Bookworm, x86-64.

I would try a target of a generic RP2040, or some other specific variant like the Sparkfun Pro Micro RP2040, but as near as I can tell, the Boardsource chose a slightly different pin configuration for the Blok.
Any advice? Has anyone got this configuration working?
I'm on day two, hour ~10. At this point I'm wishing I had chosen a different controller, QMK support for the Blok controller seems weak at best. But by all accounts, it at least seems possible. (And I'm not an EE - barely know how to solder - and although a former programmer, know little about working with makefiles.) I used to have a v1 Microdox, I loved it so much. Was painless to program and flash with QMK Configurator. But one of the TRRS cable connectors broke off after about 10 replugs, and for some reason I don't remember, resoldering didn't seem to be an option. Pro-tip: superglue that sucker to the board, taking care to avoid the metal jack connectors! And try not to un/replug it if possible.)

my (23F) husband (23M) talks to his friends all the goddamn time. he is always on his phone, always answering texts. he has like 6 discord friends that he’s been friends with for a decade and he has his best friend and other work friends. i suppose i’m jealous that they get more of my husbands time and attention than i do. i can guarantee that he talks to them more than he talks to me every single day. i got like 30 minutes of his time yesterday before his best friend called him and they were on the phone for hours
i truly feel like he just doesn’t want to talk to me, otherwise he’d make time to spend with me and give me his undivided attention. he usually comes home from work and goes straight to his computer where he’ll text his friends and play steam games until 4am, or he’ll put in his earbuds and listen to music and be completely inaccessible for hours. i’ll ask to do things like go to the store or go on a walk but he almost always declines, saying that he’s really into what he’s doing
i’m at the point where i’d rather him be gone and me be home alone, rather than be ignored by him. whenever i’ve mentioned his friends before, he gets defensive and says it’s normal to have friends and he says i should make some so that i’m not so lonely. but the thing is, i’m not lonely. i’m completely fine being on my own. it’s when he’s home and i’m actively being ignored that i feel like shit
idk how to bring this up again in a way that won’t sound controlling. i’ve told him these things before. i’ve actually told him word for word that “i’d rather be alone than be ignored” and he said that made him sad…..but of course behavior didn’t change. what else could i do?

Sometimes. I just want to play skull town. I love the dead match on that map. IMO like it's such a great map... They could do away with thunderdome and Zeus station. I really like the core map I don't mind zeus station for lockdown, but as a death match map it can go. It just feels like there's maps that I really like the core in skull town and never get to really play them. Because all of these maps are rotating. So maybe every 2 hours you get to play one That you like What are your opinions? On Another note I really love the cosmetics right now... I. In general, really like this game. I love the movement how fluid it is I love the gun fire.However, I have been in matches lately where people have just been talking a bunch of Garbage for no reason. So I just am feeling lately like I may stop playing this game for a couple of seasons. It sucks because I really do enjoy the game. Just some of these players are so toxic. I mean, it's a game we're supposed to be having fun with it, not trashing each other and bashing each other and stalking each other's games and using cheats. And hacks and all of these things And my PS5 My fan is running so loud lately in this game. Almost like my PS4 pro edition Was. And did I say people Stalk my games They even follow me over ti overwatch 2 .... So Extremeley toxic people. One of them goes by just fox vibes or magic fox vibes The only thing that makes me feel good about it is I know I'm a better player and I don't need all of the cheats.😁

Im getting very worried because I cannot find a comfortable driving position in the 3 weeks that I’ve owned this 2023 Mazda 3 Carbon Edition. It’s a beautiful car but this one important detail is really starting to bother me. I’m 5’8 and 235 lbs. I’m coming from a 2003 Honda Accord with leather seats. The “lift” motor for driver’s seat in the accord is semi-broken so I always drove it with the seat at the lowest height. I commute for an hour every day, and have taken it on 3+ hour drives and stayed comfortable the whole drive every single time. In my Mazda, I have adjusted my seat multiple times in every position known to man and am still struggling to stay comfortable. Depending on the position, my knees, hips, lower back, or hamstrings will start to hurt after 30 mins of driving. The firmness and design of the brake pedal and gas pedal kind of require me to put a lot more effort into them than my Honda. Yesterday I had pain in my knee for the entire day from driving for just 30 mins. Not only that, but I keep feeling like steering it is awkward. I tend to drive with just my left hand and it was very easy to turn the wheel with one hand in my Honda, it’s not so much the case in my Mazda. The wheel also doesn’t telescope as far out as I would hope it would, and if I want to get closer I’ll have to tilt the back of the seat forward to a less comfortable angle.
I drive a lot of different cars as part of my job and I haven’t had this much of a problem with driving comfort in any of them as I’ve had with this car. My parents have a Scion iA (which is basically a Mazda 2) and I’ve never had any issue driving that. I’ve gone as far as following a guide for optimal seating position. I’m not trying to shit on the 3, I really really want to like it, however this is a really important factor for anybody. It’s just… not working for me for some reason, and I’m heartbroken.
Has anyone else been so uncomfortable driving their 4th gen 3? Does anyone have a remedy before I go back to the dealer?

my bf (23m) and I (22nb) have been together 4 years this month. we live together and have shared an apartment for almost 2 years, after he offered himself to pay the rent if I helped out with groceries or any bills he needed me to pitch in on, but with the job he had when we were first together it was never an issue. I'm currently in school and have had trouble keeping a steady job because of my schedule and part times typically being pretty atrocious environments. he has always been understanding of this and has never made it a requirement that I need to work, just help out with the apartment.
last year he found out the plant he was working for was closing. he was making $25 an hour and doing great. he would play chess, read, and take me on dates. he has an amazing work ethic as much as I hate capitalist terms like that. every time he's done work for my dad/someone else they remark on how great he is at doing it and how quickly he gets it done even if he's paid hourly.
since he found out he was being layed off it was a struggle. his buddy immediately found a job through an Internet provider where they update people's Internet as independent contractors. he says he loves the job but from an outside perspective it is terrible. the pay is decent, he can make almost $1200 in one week; except, they barely keep him employed. it's always a fight between his bosses to get work and he only finds out last minute, he doesn't even know if it's going to be a day shift job or a night shift job. there have been several days where he found out only 3 hours before (if that) he had to go out to work that night then was told he'd have to go out the next day. there are times where he's forced to switch to night shift and he gets out in the field and suddenly they can't access the work they were specifically assigned, or it was given to another team, or maintenance had to shut it down and they won't get access to it for "a week" (which has sometimes turned into a month of waiting). the job depends on the weather, and things like the Superbowl happening. if it's raining or a certain event is happening he can't work. and it has been raining and storming close to nonstop the past few weeks. and when it finally is perfect weather for him to work in? it goes to maintenance for "updates."
at first he was looking for more jobs in the field he was last in, because he is so good at it and the pay is good. but he gave up because working in that environment is so toxic. I've worked in warehouses, and I understand more than anyone because I was a janitor and literally everyone bullied me. there were times I told my parents I either quit or I will kill myself. at least at his job he was working with his entire friend group, it was just his bosses giving him trouble, and that's what he doesn't want to deal with again: people he's gotta do their job for them bitching at them while they sit on their ass. there are also issues like the particulate/pollution he'd be breathing in, but I literally have respirators I've offered to give him and he refuses because no one else wears them.
he passed up a job opportunity months ago that would've put him back at $25+ an hour. paid for his certifications and he got a raise with each one he got. possibly a company truck. per diems. gas paid for. offered to help with his truck maintenance if he needed to drive his own. hotel rooms paid for when he has to travel. it's literally a job we talked about him wanting and dreaming about so we could travel a little more. and he passed it up. he said he'd rather stick with the job he's in now and pick up a side gig like, qdoba or being a waiter again (his first job was food service). and I said okay, as long as you make it work. since passing up that job he has not applied to food places like he said he would.
previously he talked about wanting to be a peer counselor. he's sober and it means a lot to him to help other people out after he struggled so hard. my dad's friend at work is married to a woman in a facility that does that kind of work. she said to give him her card and call, text, email her and she'd give him work immediately. the card is still sitting on the shelf in our bedroom. every time I ask if he's contacted her he goes "I've been on night shift and tired." i have to walk away every time he does that.
every time I bring up work or try to point out his current job is treating him like shit, he gets upset. it doesn't matter how gentle I am about it. as soon as I bring up work he gets agitated and says things like "it'll work out." or tries to get me to leave him alone or laughs it off or smiles and acts like I'm stupid. I know he's been depressed but recently he told me it's because he's only working with one friend, the rest of them gripe, and he has no time for friends now. he's been getting upset with me because I have friends inviting me out and he can't come with, and I've tried explaining it's rude to be invited on a whim and then ask to bring other people my friends aren't close with, that there will be more opportunities. i literally just started getting invited to things and making friends myself in college so it's been hard, I never got a social life in highschool so I'm only just now figuring it out in a city that's so cliquish and hellish you'd think I'm making it up. but, he tells me find despite also saying he keeps this job so he has more time with me and his friends. but family has also been an issue, there have been major events with his dad (life threatening towards both of us) and that side of the family beginning to shun him for not coming around as much despite them being toxic. his mom's side has also started telling him less about things and inviting him over and I can't really fathom why, but his mom at least is very supportive and loving of him and us both. he knows how the corporate world is so I know that's what's keeping him from looking for work. but I can't believe he passed up the opportunity from a place that actually seemed normal and decent and everything he wanted even if it's an industry he wants to leave; and not only that, a woman offered him immediate work he'd been dreaming about and he passed it up too. i even offered the idea he just gets started at one of these places and gets some money coming in at an actual normal pace and he can figure out what exactly he wants to do, he doesn't have to sell his life away to them. he just waves it off.
he's sold all his guns. we've dropped our grocery bill to $30-50 every two weeks. i have an art degree and our school refuses to help us get jobs and internships so I work jobs like being a barista that I can't even stay longer than 3 months at. I'm hoping this job I just got is more permanent but it's $9 an hour, and I plan on putting my head down to graduate with my thesis review coming up this fall because I've had so many circumstances push it off.
i don't know how to approach the conversation. I don't know how to tell him he is pissing away opportunities that will treat him better when he doesn't believe me. I've cried to my best friends about it, I broke down talking to my mom about it after she demanded to know what's going on with his job search. my parents are putting a lot of pressure on me because they want me to be with someone that can keep their promise to take care of me, like he said he would. he gets so angry when I mention my parents have asked about his job and say they're concerned. I don't want him to have that pressure because he's my boyfriend, not my caretaker, but he's genuinely causing me to be depressed in tandem to him not caring about anything. he at least still helps around the apartment but gets agitated when I come home from class after he hasn't worked in days and insists I should've gone to the store or should do dishes. i think he finally started doing things when I explained how mentally and physically exhausting for the hundredth time my classes have been because i have literally been fighting with professors that have been disrespectful to me left and right and my thesis review is coming up, and I have also literally been doing physical labor for them.
every time he comes home from being sent out just to not have work, or wait for him to be assigned just to be told he doesn't have work for an entire week, I want to cry. i want to put my head in my hands and cry. i want to shake him and ask him how this is better. i genuinely don't know how to approach this anymore.