An idea I have been toiling with, it finally scratched my mind strong enough to escape. This is a little excerpt of the idea of a man being reincarnated into Westeros during the prelude of the Dance of the Dragons. Being born to Laena and Daemon, the blood of the dragon and the blood of the sea form a strong force in him.
"Dracarys Vhagar!" The piercing cry jolted me from sleep, sending my heart racing as I bolted upright in bed. Time seemed to stretch, the world slowing to a crawl as a familiar clicking sound echoed ominously in the air. My mind raced with a single thought: 'No, it can't be...'
Disregarding my dishevelled state and clad only in underwear, I dashed to the window, gauging the distance to the ground below. The lone palm trees swayed in the wind outside as if offering silent reassurance that the fall wouldn't be too dire.
"A body fit for the lord of the seas I was promised, let's see how that goes..." With resolve hardening my nerves, I leapt over the balcony, the rush of air accompanying my descent.
Fwoosh!
Time seemed to freeze once more as I hurtled toward the staircase leading to the beach. As I landed with a jarring impact, the scene before me unfolded in chaotic clarity. My mother lay collapsed on the sand, a trail of blood staining the shore—a broken figure in the moonlight.
"Keligon zȳhon (Stop Her), Tiamat!" I bellowed, even as flames erupted from Vhagar's jaws. With a primal roar, the sea responded, and the serpentine jaws of Tiamat, the 'dragon' that hatched with me, emerged from the waves. Her various knobs, spines and horns contrasted with her large, sinuous, white body. She surged forward from the depths, her red eyes focused and the hood around her neck flared as her powerful jaws snapped shut with a resounding crack. The clash of titanic forces reverberated through the water as Vhagar roared in defiance, its flames sputtering against the onslaught. Arcs of electricity crackled between each sharp fang, the resonance of the elements contrasting the deep of the night.
With gritted teeth, I ignored the pain from my fall and raced toward my mother's side. Vhagar's Dragonfire faltered, replaced by a pained cry as she struggled against Tiamat's grip. "Jikagon arlī (Go Back), Tiamat," I commanded, and the sea creature obediently released its hold, slipping back beneath the waves. In my mind, I could feel how concerned she was for me and my mother as well.
As Vhagar turned, disoriented and enraged, I approached cautiously, soothing words falling from my lips. "gīda, gīda, (calm, calm) Vhagar," I murmured, hoping to quell the storm raging within her.
Holding my mother in my arms, I noted that only half of her body was burnt, yet they seemed to only penetrate to the last layer of the skin. Her body was a charred remnant, I asked her to be quiet as I asked for the water's help in healing her.
In my mind, however, I felt Tiamat indicate that dragonfire was the exception. Gritting my teeth, I asked my mother,

"would... would you like me to at least save the baby painlessly?"
She nodded. I proceeded to ask the water within my mother to release the child, and it slowly began to push the baby out.
Amidst the cries of a newborn, echoing across the desolate beach, a figure descended the weathered stone stairs, casting a long, solemn shadow over the scene. The gentle lapping of the waves provided a haunting backdrop to the momentous occasion unfolding in the fading light of day.
"It's a boy, mother..." I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper, choked with emotion. "I'll call him Laenor... in your and... and ah, uncle's honour..."
Tears welled in my eyes as I swallowed the rising bile, threatening to spill over as I gazed down at the fragile bundle in my arms. His cries, though piercing, seemed to fade into the background as I focused on the woman who had given me life.
Summoning the last reserves of her strength, my mother nodded slightly as she extended a trembling hand to touch my tear-streaked face. Her touch was both searing and tender, a bittersweet reminder of the love that bound us together. A faint smile tugged at the corners of her lips, a silent reassurance in the face of impending separation.
"My... special boy..." she whispered, her voice barely more than a breath, yet filled with a depth of love that transcended words. "I... will... al...ways... lo...ve y-"
But her words trailed off into silence, the light fading from her once bright eyes as her spirit slipped quietly from this world. At that moment, as I cradled my newborn son in my arms, I felt the weight of her absence settle over me like a heavy shroud. My mother is now forever lost to me...
Moving away from her body, I understood what she wished for, a true valyrian death. I moved towards the cause of the rapid footsteps and knew who it was from their build,
The tension between father and son crackled in the air like the static before a storm as I confronted Daemon, my words dripping with bitterness and accusation.
"Father," I seethed, my voice heavy with venom, "I wonder... did you grant me that final moment with her out of respect, or was it merely your own disinterest in her that allowed it?"
Emerging from the shadows, Daemon regarded me with a cool detachment that only fueled my anger. His silence spoke volumes, a tacit acknowledgement of the rift that had grown between us.
"You are upset, I understand--" he began, attempting to placate me.
"Upset? UPSET?!" I erupted, the floodgates of my grief and frustration bursting forth. "My fucking mother just died! Your WIFE! At the age of 26! How could you have let this happen?!"
Daemon remained stoic, unmoved by my outburst. I continued to rail against him, pouring out my anguish and resentment until I was left gasping for breath.
"I tried... Everything," He whispered out, the weight of his failure resting silently on his shoulders. "Everything that the masters recommended, I did without question."
"You KNEW I was special," I accused, my voice trembling with betrayal. "Why did you not come to me?"
"Special, yes," Daemon conceded with a sigh. "But able to ensure a safe delivery? That was not something I expected to be within your abilities."
His words cut deep, slicing through the haze of my grief with a sharp clarity. I silenced him with a look, determination hardening my resolve.
"We will discuss this later," I declared, my voice firm. "After I have cremated my mother."
Daemon's gaze lingered on me, a silent acknowledgement of my authority at this moment. But his next words grated against me,
"And how will you do that without a dragon that breathes... fire?"
With a silent exchange, I passed my younger brother into his care, my jaw clenched with determination. Turning away, I strode toward Vhagar, my mother's final resting place.
"Dracarys, Vhagar," I commanded, but she remained stubbornly unmoved, defying my order. Frustration surged within me, but I refused to be stopped.
Raising my arms toward the open ocean, I summoned a thick tendril of water to wrap around Vhagar's throat. With a clenched fist, I repeated my command, forcing her head towards my mother's body.
"Vhagar. DRACARYS."
This time, she obeyed, her flames engulfing my mother's body in the ancient funeral rite of Valyria. As her body blazed, consuming my mother's earthly remains, I honoured her final request, granting her the dignity of a true Valyrian death.
"Keligon, Vhagar," I murmured, the flames extinguishing at my command. She seemed to listen now, subdued by the solemnity of the moment. I let Vhagar free of the water tendril before stepping back towards my father,
"IF. And I truly mean IF," I emphasized, locking eyes with Daemon, "I find out that you had anything to do with her death or that you tell anyone of my abilities... I swear on the memory of my dead mother that I will pierce your heart and lungs with that targaryen blood that you are oh so proud of."
My words hung heavy in the air, a solemn oath borne of grief and determination.
There was a moment of tense silence as my words reverberated between us, each syllable weighted with the weight of my resolve. Daemon's expression remained inscrutable, but I detected a flicker of unease beneath the mask of indifference.
With a final, piercing stare, I turned away, leaving him to contemplate the gravity of my vow. As I left the yard, I noted the small smile that replaced his expression.
Ascending the steps, exhaustion weighed heavily on my shoulders, mingling with the simmering emotions that churned within me. It was then that I realized the reason for Daemon's smile, the underlying pride that lay beneath his stoic facade.
Halting midway up the stairs, I turned back to face him, my gaze meeting his across the distance.
"You're proud, aren't you?" I questioned, my voice tinged with a mix of frustration and resignation.
Daemon met my gaze, his expression unreadable yet tinged with a hint of something akin to pride.
"Of course," he replied, his voice carrying a weight of its own. "After all, that part of you is finally out... The fire and fury of a dragon."
His words resonated within me, stirring a complex mixture of emotions. With a nod of acknowledgement, I turned away once more, leaving him to his thoughts on the desolate beach below.
Though my anger still simmered beneath the surface, tempered by the realization that some of my accusations had been fueled by raw emotion, I resolved to address them with a clearer mind in the days to come. For now, I needed time to process, to mourn, and to prepare for the challenges that lay ahead.
So yeah, hope you enjoyed that. I'm thinking of writing the entire thing but idk yet.

I have anxiety and have struggled with depression. I take medicine for the anxiety and have gotten help for the depression and the depression is “in remission.” I am stuck in a really difficult situation at my school. I am taking over a class from a teacher who was amazing at connecting with the students. That’s a big stressor. The only principal who actually cared about the students and staff and who could be relied upon to actually follow through when what they said they’ll do is leaving. That is a stressor. I can’t finish my paperwork because I have teachers who refuse to update grades and/or communicate. (Like. No grades have been entered since spring break.) We had a teacher have a nervous breakdown from stress and end up in the hospital. This hasn’t been addressed or acknowledged at all. No one is trying to organize cards or meals for the teacher. Everyone is acting like that is normal.
I’m also having a lot of loss recently. A childhood friend just died unexpectedly. (He had just turned 30.) Another friend’s 8 year old son has been diagnosed with cancer. An elderly family member passed away from pneumonia complications so suddenly that none of us got to say goodbye, and the funeral is on the work day after the kids’ last day. Im going to be missing a day we’re not really allowed to miss.
Also I have surgery coming up, except the required meeting that must be attended to be allowed to teach summer school is the same day. (Summer school is how I’m able to pay for the surgery without wiping out the savings.)
And the cherry on top is that our school was ripped apart last night in a senior prank where they destroyed property and sprayed fire extinguishers. I have bad asthma. No one warned us teachers. We were just expected to breathe in the extinguisher powder. I couldn’t breathe and had to hunt down a covid mask from the nurse. My lungs still hurt. The kids destroyed classes and charity work that the school has done to help out students and teachers in need.
I just feel so anxious and hopeless. I am trying to be here for the kids, but I can’t refocus myself. How do I power through? How would you power through?

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Memory Transcription Subject: Elias Meier, Former UN Secretary-General
Date [standardized human time]: July 13, 2160
The irritability coursing through my psyche was palpable. Every sound was dialed up to eleven, stabbing at the core of my sensory processing. Constant awareness grated on me after days without sleep, never having any break from the stream of information I needed to digest. There was no way to shut the world off and reset, and no reprieve from the unsettling reality of my physical experience. I was curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth; I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go on like this.
Virnt scuttled over to me in the spaceship, jostling my shoulder. “Elias? Would you like to turn back from this mission?”
I remembered how I’d spent most of the trip, standing under the water in the shower. There was a special shampoo they’d provided for synthetic hair, like a wig. I held out my phony hand and emptied most of the bottle’s worth of goop, zoning out; I was trying to soak in the distant sensation of liquid running down my spine. Once upon a time, this had been the most relaxing time of my day—letting muscle tension fade away and cleansing grimy skin oils. Now, I knew neither of those two still existed in my day-to-day life to assuage.
Did it even matter to slap soap on some metal frame? There were no consequences of letting hygiene go by the wayside. I didn’t sweat in order to start to reek, and I couldn’t get skin conditions or be affected by bacteria. It could be that I was bathing out of habit, clinging to my old lifestyle, that I kept going to wash up. Perhaps the shower had become my favorite haunt because I felt disgusting in this body. Everything was a reminder that I was an inhuman scrap pile, and it was wearing on my sanity. It wasn’t like anyone related to what I was going through.
I used to spend so much time fussing over making my suits look crisp and perfect—immaculate ties, UN pins adjusted just right. The heavy jackets would trap my body heat in the summer; now, it no longer had that effect. I could bundle up as much as I wanted in 40 degree Celsius heat, unless there was some limit that would fry my circuits. Shit, I might not need a spacesuit in the vacuum of space—I couldn’t freeze or suffocate, after all. Being left out in the void for all eternity didn’t sound that much different from my present experience.
I hate what I’ve become. I hate what they’ve done to me; all I do is think, and every part of my new self lives in the uncanny valley. There’s nothing positive. Maybe it’s time to call it…death was better than this. I can’t bear another day of this hell.
“Hey, stay with me! Distractibility, depression, being unable to maintain concentration—these are natural consequences of sleep deprivation. I’m surprised it carries over without a physical mechanism to grow tired…but I’m working on a sleep suite, I promise,” Virnt said, glossy eyes staring at me.
I groaned. “I’m not tired, but it’s just nonstop. I…I’m having trouble remembering what I read.”
“Here, I’m going to try a temporary fix. You look like you need it. I don’t want you to suffer; just turning you off and on isn’t the same. I’m going to emulate GABA, uh, shut off your optic sensors, decrease the activity in your prefrontal cortex, and simulate delta waves for an hour. We can see if it somewhat fills the need for deep sleep, okay? Relaxation, no processing: worth a shot, right?”
I nodded mutely, staying in the fetal position. I didn’t have the will to move, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up that Virnt’s plan would be any mercy. The sensation of the Tilfish tinkering with my settings was strange, as if my brain was being overridden in the moment. There was no process of falling asleep to give it the air of naturalness. Suddenly, I was blind, trapped in darkness—and a modicum of drowsiness kicked in, limiting my movement. Thoughts died down, offering much-need relief; I faintly wished I could remain in this state.
When I came to, there was a sudden influx of information as the rest mode was switched off; it was hardly a seamless waking, but I’d take it. Peace in my own head was something I’d never take for granted again. I hadn’t thought myself to be a weak-minded individual, but I hadn’t realized how much it wore on you: feeling out of place in your own body every waking second, and not trusting your senses. Brain function had been restored enough that I could get a grip on myself, and rise in my disheveled state. A peek out the window revealed we’d completed our intra-atmosphere transit to the Duerten embassy.
I rubbed my eyes on reflex, but there were no gifts from the Sandman there. “Why couldn’t you have just added everything to start with, Virnt?”
“The humans I talked to said they wouldn’t want to sleep, unless they had to! I put the most focus on your emotional matrix and your facial expressiveness, since I thought that has the highest importance of what makes you human,” the Tilfish replied.
“You could’ve made it at least optional.”
“I sent the option to your holopad for the future, to trigger this program for as long as you’d like. This is a learning process, so I’m sorry for anything that’s off. All trial and error here, but it’s only going to get better! That’s the positive.”
“There are a lot of patches needed. For starters, you’re missing two of the senses: taste and smell. In spite of that, ever since I walked past the Terra Technologies staff eating tater tots, I’ve been craving them at random intervals. I’m not hungry—I can’t consume food!”
“Predator instincts,” Virnt teased. “The Federation was right.”
“I’m serious! Why on Earth would that be a thing? I literally can’t satisfy it, so it’s almost cruel.”
“It’s psychological, Elias. I looked into it after I saw it in your transcript. When humans are under a lot of stress or otherwise feeling down, you seek dopamine from food. It’s something familiar that activated your memories, and promised emotional comfort. That’s why you have the phrase ‘comfort food.’”
“I can already see how the Federation remnants would spin that. A predator’s so-called emotions are tied to food, and stimulate appetite to fulfill their whims.”
“You seem in better spirits. To add to your improved mood, we announced the success of your memory transplant to the world. The response was overwhelmingly positive—history looked back fondly on you. You got a lot of well-wishes, and I was able to get almost all of your social media re-activated. At least, the platforms that are still active.”
“I’m…allowed to share my honest experiences?”
Virnt eased me out of the shuttle, into the sunlight; cameras were waiting, causing me to stiffen. “Of course you can. I’m not here to muzzle you, my friend. Quite the opposite, in fact: I want your experiment documented as thoroughly as possible! You’re the spokesperson for—”
I shielded my face from the reporters, who were lobbing questions. “What is this? I don’t have a prepared statement. This is an ambush.”
“Terra Technologies has a mission of transparency, and improving sapients’ quality of life through digital means. We had to announce such a monumental breakthrough, but you’re under no obligation to speak with them.”
“Good,” a warm voice chimed in from next to me, making me jump. “The poor guy’s come back from the dead, Virnt. Give him a break. He’s here to speak with the Duerten Forum and their ambassador, for some semblance of his old life.”
I turned my head, beaming as I recognized her. “Erin? Oh, sorry: that’s Secretary-General Kuemper, isn’t it? You’ve moved up in the world. The United Nations is in good hands.”
“It’s good to see you, Elias. I bawled my eyes out at your funeral. You cared so much for peace and taking the high road; there isn’t a person out there who could’ve handled first contact with more grace. You inspired me, and an entire generation of future diplomats.”
I embraced Erin, who’d once been a passionate SETI researcher giving me all of the bad news about aliens. As we flailed about in the dark to save humanity and adjust to the galaxy, finally acquiring a few friends, she’d become my Secretary of Alien Affairs. I’d trusted her to do whatever it took to stabilize our extraterrestrial relations. It was a bit of a relief to see a positive reaction from someone I knew; I wasn’t sure how my friends would take my return, but I hadn’t been expecting a welcome with open arms. It brought me solace and comfort to know about the legacy I’d left behind, and the ripple effects my tenure had on the United Nations.
It is strange to see how much she’s aged. That’ll be the reality of anyone that used to be an acquaintance of mine.
The alarm bells pinging in my head faded into the backdrop, and I forgot that the wind gusting against my face only felt like a dull push. My mind slipped away from food cravings that failed to get my mouth to water, how there was no feeling of tightness from my dress shoes, and the stillness of my non-existent diaphragm. I was simply happy to see someone I cared about and enjoyed working with, in my old life. There was safety in having a person I trusted to be on my side. My brain snapped back into diplomat mode, falling into a familiar flow of conversation. If I had nothing else, I still had my social skills—an ability to navigate various cultures.
“So the Duerten Forum agreed to meet with the two of us. They know about the Sivkit attack, but not the full threat,” I spoke aloud, after breaking away from the rather soul-affirming embrace. “I read the strategy meetings for briefing them, and I’m on-board to appeal to nostalgia; humanity saving their homeworld was after my time, but close enough to it that I could serve as a reminder. A blast from the past.”
Erin nodded, her security forming a wall between us and the cameras as we walked toward the embassy. “I always wondered what you’d think of modern Vienna, Elias. All of the aliens willing to be here on our world, and to treat us like people. Friendship used to seem like a pipe dream; we were happy if they’d allow us to exist, tolerate us to that extent. Look at us now.”
“I almost gave up hoping that they could care about us, or stand beside us at all. We couldn’t do it alone then. It’s time we remember to stand together—to rise to the occasion once more. I can’t bear the thought of anything threatening our home, or our friends. I saw enough needless death twenty-four years ago.”
“That pain is a lot more recent to you. It’s completely okay to be wrestling with grief. A billion of ours died.”
“We didn’t become the monsters they thought we were, and we pulled through. We revealed their hatred and treachery, and have chosen a future set on rectifying every right they trampled. I’ll always mourn what we lost, but I’ve never been more proud of humanity in my life.”
Kuemper patted my shoulder. “You sound like yourself, my dear old friend. It’s very good to have you back; you were much better at smiling while they spit in your face than I ever was. Let’s do what’s necessary to get the ball rolling with the Shield.”
“I’m right behind you.”
The exterior of the Duerten embassy had a distinct construction style, with metal and concrete forming the bulk of the outside structure; on Kalqua, sturdiness was at the foremost of their priorities. Winds on a normal day could ratchet up to what we’d consider a tropical storm, according to my brief review of their culture. The door was evidently heightened to facilitate foot traffic from humans, despite the exit hatches on the upper floor which seemed frequented by the avian staff. Their personnel could literally fly away during an emergent situation. I tailed Kuemper into the lobby, and noted how much of the inside’s floor was concrete as well. It was resilient and easy to clean, a perfect surface to avoid being marred by talons.
Most of the gray avians used perches instead of chairs, with several staffers working on paperwork at their desks; in private areas, some met with any humans who had business with the Duerten Forum. The lack of reaction to a predator’s approach was new to me, but a welcome change. Kuemper confidently led the way to an elevator, which had the English and German words for “Welcome to the Duerten embassy!” written above the opening. The generic Shield logo was painted on both sides of the door, and emblazoned with a representation of Kalqua. There were no buttons inside, apart from an emergency exit; a camera surveyed us, before a watching staffer summoned the car upward. I felt a jolt as we reached the top floor.
“To be visited by two Secretary-Generals: one of whom is a ghost! Let me express the Duerten Forum’s honor and delight. Not, of course, that I don’t cherish Ambassador Hannah Marston’s visits.” A silver-feathered head poked out of a door at the end of the hallway, past a spacious lounge; his beak was the precise yellow of corn. “Please, come in. Make yourselves at home. Can I get you anything to drink?”
Kuemper shuffled forward, giving me a knowing look. “Water would be lovely for me. Thank you for the warm welcome, Ambassador Korajan.”
“I second that gratitude. Enchanted to meet you. I’m sure you know, but I’m Elias Meier.” Taking a gamble that the ambassador was more than acquainted with our customs, I extended a hand. Korajan strode forward with confidence, ensnaring my palm in his wingtip. “We appreciate you taking the time to sit with us, Ambassador.”
“Just Korajan,” the avian said, feeling my artificial hand with undeniable curiosity. He finally released my grip, and waited for us to get seated. “There’s no need for formalities, especially when I’m in such esteemed company. What can I do for you?”
“We’ve come to seek your assistance in the fight against the Sivkits’ assailants. The Sapient Coalition needs allies to back us against these menaces,” Kuemper stated. “Any help we can get would make a difference.”
“I see. I heard about your unfortunate defeat in your prior engagement, but I don’t see how it involves or concerns us. The Duerten, as you well know, aren’t in the position we used to be. We’ve turned our focus inward for years, shoring up our defenses to watch out for our beloved planet. The potential benefit it might offer you is so negligible that it’s hardly worth increasing our vulnerability. The risk far outweighs the rewards for any party.”
I studied the avian, careful to avoid a direct stare. “I understand that it’s a lot to ask. However, small bits of help from across the Shield can accumulate to be a massive difference maker. We want to stop this genocidal force from getting anywhere near Kalqua; if we play our cards right, you won’t need defenses.”
“Elias—sorry, may I call you Elias?” Korajan asked, continuing after I nodded. “We’re, of course, concerned to have a predatory species with such power and intentions, outside our known terrain. They bear a striking resemblance to the Arxur, and my government does appreciate the advance warning from the SC so we can make preparations. Yet the Forum is concerned by several of your recent initiatives, which would make us doubly unwilling to back your cause.”
“Go on. What initiatives have unsettled you?” I hope he doesn’t mean me, with resurrecting dead humans; that’d hit close to home, and I don’t know how to defend it. “Perhaps we can clear up our rationale and intentions, ensuring that there are no misunderstandings.”
“I hope I’m not impolite to point it out, but my government is beginning to see a pattern in your recent connections to carnivores. The Sapient Coalition is attempting an uplift on one race, despite what we all know happened on Wriss, and has brought them into your mix while they are at war with each other. We’re also aware of these Osirs—a race you are resurrecting to live among you, despite having no idea what they’re capable of. Present company excluded, species that need meat are not trustworthy types. These Osirs are weapons: look at the fangs.”
“Anything is a weapon in the wrong hands. Respectfully, we don’t feel that it’s right to judge a species for their diet. If I’m not mistaken, your own kind were once omnivores, Korajan.”
The Duerten fluttered his wings in acknowledgement. “The Federation changed us greatly—some things for the better, others to erase our intellect. We’re an individualist species, and they tried to make us…what do you humans call it? A ‘hive mind.’ Hive minds, of course, are fiction, yet they tried to make it real. Still, sometimes when you’re changed enough, it makes it impossible to go back to how things were.”
“I of all people grasp that sentiment,” I sighed, without moving an abdominal muscle, reflecting how my life would never be the same in this state. “We believe all sapients deserve a chance at life and happiness. Equality isn’t a principle we withhold based on any factor, and we don’t change species to fit our own whims.”
“This is why we’re content with our relations as is: separate, so we’re not connected to your disputes or obligated to get involved. The Duerten will always have differences between what are considered acceptable behaviors, and our guiding principles and overarching goals.”
Kuemper tapped her fingers on her knee. “Regardless, our choices with the Bissems and Osirs will have no impact or tangible effects on the Duerten. Nor is it a reason to shy away from protecting herbivores, the mandate that led you to stand up to the Federation in the past.”
“That cost us everything. Kalqua took a beating worse than Earth did. We don’t set out to attract the ire of powerful enemies these days.”
“We saved Kalqua. We were there when you needed our help to keep your innocents safe,” I reminded him, knitting my eyebrows with earnestness. “We answer when others call for our help to stay alive; the Duerten know what drives us to answer the bell. Isn’t that worth a smidge of reciprocation?”
“If Earth, or for that matter, Leirn were under siege, we would come. However, it appears to us that you entered their territory, not the other way around.”
“Think of the type of species…no, the kind of governments that would glass worlds. The old-school Arxur Dominion. The Kolshian shadow caste when they were defied. The Krakotl extermination fleet because they hated us. That’s what we see in the Osirs, and the gluttonous killing of Sivkit civilians while refusing to speak. We can’t turn a blind eye.”
“I’m sorry, Elias. Even if I wanted to help you, I don’t have the authority. I’m expressing my government’s position, and I’ve been told the Duerten Forum isn't going to war under any circumstances. I apologize that I can’t be of more use, and regret if you might feel your time has been squandered, leaving empty-handed.”
I shared a look with Kuemper, recognizing that we had been stonewalled; there was an implication in Korajan’s last statement that the discussion on this matter was over. The Forum hadn’t given him any negotiating room, so I didn’t get the sense I could do better than asking for him to take a message. If this was the most friendly party we’d be interacting with, I wasn’t off to a good start wrangling support for an alliance. There were a few other Shield races we could try, but an endorsement from the founders might’ve gotten the whole union on board. We had to find another angle—negotiating with the Fed remnants would be impossible without the Shield as an intermediary.
“Of course we don’t feel that way. The back-and-forth was enlightening, productive communication, as much as humanity would love to stand side-by-side in this endeavor,” I offered. “We appreciate you hearing us out, and do hope you’ll pass along our rationale to the Forum, for clarity.”
“I will,” the Duerten responded. “Your words, as always, deserve to be heard and treated with respect.”
Kuemper followed my lead, rising as I stood. “Korajan, I want you to know I deeply appreciate what you said about coming to Earth’s aid should we ever fall on hard times. That stood out to me, as a reason why our cooperation is so precious and beautiful.”
“I agree wholeheartedly. I do wish you the best of luck in your future engagements; my people hope you emerge victorious.”
“Thank you. Our door will always be open if you have a change of heart.”
In my mind, I had already vacated the Duerten embassy, but it was necessary to retrace my steps to depart the ambassador’s office. Aliens were much more diplomatic in rebuffing us now than in my era, which was the proper way to express disagreements between nations. It wasn’t lost on me that the differences in “behaviors” and “principles” Korajan meant were things such as hunting, omnivory, accepting carnivores, exterminators, and predator disease facilities. The Forum still clung to much of their old lifestyle; the gray avian had stated that some Federation changes were “for the better.” That was telling about how much of their ideology they’d yet to shed.
“Forgive my impertinence, but before you go, Elias…may I ask a personal inquiry? It’s not on my behalf of my government,” Korajan called, as our shoes cleared the threshold of his office.
I turned around, giving him an encouraging smile. “Of course. Go ahead.”
“What…what was it like? To die…to be dead?”
“It wasn’t like anything. It was a singularity of all outcomes: all I ever was, and all I ever could be, condensed to nothing. There are no words to describe emptiness and infinite rest. It’s a peace that knows no equal.”
The Duerten dipped his head. “Thank you. It gives me some…personal solace, to know…to know my daughter is resting peacefully. She died in so much pain after only a short period of remission. Ahem…if you’ll excuse me, I…”
“We’ll leave you in peace,” Kuemper replied, softness in her voice.
I folded my hands behind my back, mulling over the choked-up ambassador’s words. How could I let a few days of mental suffering defeat me, when kids suffered through such terrible diseases—never getting to reach adulthood? This program could give children like Korajan’s daughter a chance to grow up, and be a kid, free from pain. As soon as I was alone, I knew I’d be cast back into a maddening state of consciousness, with my brain struggling to stay tethered to this reality. Where I’d been ready to give up before Virnt’s quick fix, the avian’s story made me want to remain in the fight.
The Tilfish had been right: there was the potential for the technology that had brought me back to do a lot of good, and save others a great deal of heartbreak and suffering. No personal sacrifice was too great to ensure that one day, no parent would ever have to bury their child.
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I cannot believe you can be married to someone and devote your all to them, only for them to treat you suddenly in the most horrific of ways.
I gave my ex wife my all. Two years ago she waited for my father to get to the point of passing away before she started acting crazy and cheating on me. Perfect timing. I had to deal with my parent being ill and a funeral and also deal with a cheating wife who started suddenly calling me abusive and emotionally abusive and all of this other terminology and she took my son away from me and cheated.
She cheated, and cheated, and cheated some more. I tried calling her, reasoning with her, even stupidly sending her money at first. Well, what do you know? Besides the money I voluntarily sent her out of worry for her wellbeing, she stole some of my own money and flew out of state to meet a person off the internet and cheat. She cheated here too. In total I know of 4 people she slept with within 3 months of leaving me. Then she got pregnant by the guy she has been with for the last two years. How long did it take for her to get knocked up? Probably 6-7 months after suddenly breaking up with me (if you want to call it a breakup since we never even had ONE DISCUSSION or conversation about anything).
Now she will randomly text my phone and pretend it’s for our child. I have temp custody, but she will send him a text although it seems like it’s aimed at me just acknowledging her existence as I refuse to say a word to her anymore. She tried once to come back when her and her whatever you call that thing she’s with were having problems. I felt insulted that she felt she could just call me after 2 years and I’d just take her back.
Almost 800 days have since passed as she lives her life as if nothing bad ever happened. She just goes on with a “new normal”, ick…and here I am full of terror over the craziness that transpired. I couldn’t save my marriage. My marriage got destroyed. I thought she was my best friend. She ended up being a murderer in my eyes. Because it feels like my soul got murdered. My days are spent pretending to be normal. I go to work, do activities, but it lingers in my mind just about 24/7.
I will never ever understand how this occurred. I am traumatized. People have advised me to “move on and find someone else.” I would if I wasn’t so traumatized and also developed 100% disinterest in relationships or sex itself. It is like asking a cat if it wants to hop in the swimming pool. I don’t understand any of it, all I know is that I’m extremely tired of my life.

My grandmother died in February. I hadn't seen her - or many members of that side of the family - since 2018, the year I got married. After my divorce in 2020, I moved to NYC. I've had a rough past few years, emotionally and financially. My Nana and those relatives spent their time in Florida, Texas, and Alabama (where I am from originally). Whenever I visited my immediate family, the extended family wouldn't be there.
I deeply regret not making the time to see my grandmother before she passed. I grieved her immediately, breaking into tears and weeping for weeks. I contemplated and researched the afterlife. When I texted my dad to ask, "When will the funeral be? Nothing could keep me away", he replied, "5.18.2024."
May 18 is my birthday.
I typed a message asking why my birthday was chosen, but quickly deleted it. I tried to calmly ask my mother privately and she became irritable, yelling at me, "Do not bring this up to your father. He's going through a lot."
I found out over time that because the ground was frozen in Vermont (where my grandmother raised her family before retiring in Florida), and Vermont is where she wanted her ashes to be buried, they had to postpone the funeral. She had seven children who had to pick a date that worked for all of them. But still...my birthday? My dad didn't care to speak up about it being his only daughter's birthday?
Here's the thing: my whole life, I have felt like the least favorite grandchild, niece, cousin, etc. I knew deep down that my grandmother loved me, but it was clear she loved others more. One time she chose to take my cousin to Disney World the same day my family had driven in to visit her. She told my father to come the next day, but he didn't listen, and decided to surprise her instead. She grew irate and rushed to beat us home so we wouldn't find out, but my Grandpa spilled the beans. She could have waited a day to take me and my brother, but didn't. We never went to Disney World with her.
She was a devout Catholic her entire life, but rolled her eyes when my eleven-year-old-self - a Southern Baptist at the time - suggested we all pray before we eat dinner. When she and my mother found me sitting alone one day (as a thirteen-year-old), I told them I was contemplating my future, and whether I could get into Harvard or travel to Europe. She burst out laughing as if that was the most hilarious joke ever told. (She never got a degree or worked.)
I've been writing creatively since childhood, but she always told me I needed a "real career" and I couldn't dream about becoming a writer. I have been tall and thin my whole life. When I began modeling, she said, "Modeling is not for you." She showered my cousins in praise and validation and gifts. She sent me gifts and cards, don't get me wrong, but the difference in quality was obvious. She scolded me over things my cousins got away with easily.
I loved my grandmother. I love my parents. I didn't want to hurt my dad so I kept my feelings inside and told myself my birthday was not important. But then my fiance and I went to dinner a week early to celebrate, and my parents didn't even wish me a happy birthday. They didn't send a card. I asked why. My mother replied, "Isn't your birthday next Saturday? We'll celebrate you on May 20 when we are all together in your city."
After she said this, it sunk in for me that they never intended to even acknowledge me at all on my birthday. So I changed my return flight from the 19th to the 18th. I asked my dad if he could drive me to the airport on my birthday after the funeral, and he said no because he had to "spend time with family." So I secured a rental car. I would now fly from Vermont to Detroit and finally return home to NYC at midnight on my birthday.
I have lived in NYC for four years, and for four years, my parents have made excuse after excuse not to visit me. I had to beg my dad to agree to visit me in NYC on their drive back from Vermont to Alabama, which he didn't want to do. He didn't want to drive into NYC to pick me up either. Originally my parents were supposed to pick me up from the train station in New Jersey this Thursday, and I would fly back home on the 19th, and they would FINALLY visit me in Manhattan on the 20th. It was all set. I was looking forward to exploring my dad's home town with him and spending some quality time together a few days before the funeral. Then out of the blue, my mom insisted I fly in on Friday instead, under the guise of saving my PTO. But really they just wanted to get to Vermont sooner. I told my dad this hurt my feelings, that I had been looking forward to spending private time with my parents in his hometown.
Today I called them and asked for help covering my Ubers to and from the airports. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and they know this. Nana's will insisted that her estate would cover everyone's accommodations at her funeral, and I was originally told that I would get my own hotel room. Then I found out that I would be sharing a house with my parents and multiple relatives who were part of the original discussion to plan the funeral on my birthday. That didn't sit right with me. I wanted to go for my Nana and my dad. I didn't want to have to stay in the same house as people who don't care about me.
I finally told my dad today how I feel, on speaker phone while he and my mom were driving across the country towards Vermont. I said I couldn't believe they planned Nana's funeral on my birthday, when they had months to plan for any other date. I told him how my mother wouldn't let me express my feelings to him everytime I tried to calmly ask why, why MY birthday, of all the birthdays in the family? Why did it have to be on anyone's birthday? I said this has been a recurring theme all my life, that nobody in this family cares about me. He replied, "Don't come. If that's how you feel, don't come."
So now I am crying and wondering if I should cancel my flights and rental car, and miss out on my Nana's funeral, or just go, despite the fact that nobody wants me there...and based on their choice of date, maybe they never did.
TL;DR: My relatives planned my grandmother's funeral months in advance on my birthday. I told my parents this made me feel unloved and my dad told me to not come to the funeral if that's how I feel.

I have two reddit accounts, so if these stories are familiar, that's why. Someone commented that one of these sounds like abuse from my Christian parent to me. So I've compiled all most of them here. (Most of them are to do with Christianity, the hypocrisy of Christianity, or the consequences of my choice to leave it.) Please be honest but also recognize that this isn't all the times sometimes these are amazing people and I love these people but for my sake I need to know if it's really that bad.
"I'm rather young. My mom (42F) and my dad (41M) both grew up in the church. My grandfather is the pastor of his own church and my mother was raised by her grandmother who played piano in the church. Growing up I'd say I was the perfect little Christian girl. I liked praying and went to church, I wanted to help the world, and I wanted to be baptized before I even started kindergarten. I remember that vividly. I was sitting in the kitchen in one of our folding chairs because we couldn't afford real ones and I was begging my mom to let me get baptized.
My family and I are African American. The church I went to when I was little was a black church. My mother was the praise dance choreographer so of course I did praise dancing. I'd go to Sunday school, I wore the big puffy dresses, and I knew all the songs. Of course I had the common experience of being assaulted in a sexual manor by someone I went to church with. But we were both the same age and I just knew I was uncomfortable and she just knew that's how people bigger than us touched each other. All that came of me telling my mom and me not having to go to her house anymore. I was always told that I was intelligent and I believed everything I was told without question. Then my sister was born and we moved. At first everything stayed the same. We ended up having to switch churches as the previous one was an hour away from our new home. We found a new church. A church were you can wear your hoodie and jeans like it's a Tuesday. I made friends and played sports and nothing really changed until I was eight. When I was eight there was a girl on my softball team I'll call E. E is Jewish and at the time I thought everyone was Christian. As in Christianity was the default and only option. But my friend E's church wasn't called a church but a synagogue, and she couldn't eat specific foods together. E also talked about BaBat Mitzvah's. When I brought that up to my mom she said my friend was Jewish and that being Jewish is like being Christian but they read from the old testament exclusively but they don't believe in Jesus.
Which a while later caused me to spend all night crying because I put the two and two together of: Believing in resurrection Sunday and that Jesus was gods son is what got us into heaven and I cried worrying one of my closest, sweetest friend and her nice family would go to hell. Then school, which had always been easy, became hard. Which made me feel dumb. Especially since my self worth was put into how smart I was and I wouldn't dare get below an A or high B because I was scared I'd get punished. Like the time I slammed my fingers a metal door on accident and spent the next fifteen minutes in tears and my mom told me if I kept crying she'd take me to the hospital to have them cut off my fingers. Because of moments like that disappointing my parent or having to big of an emotional reaction was not okay and it made me scared and uncomfortable. They knew I was struggling, they were the ones who stayed up till four something in the morning with me trying to explain the concept. But with every minor and major struggle I felt like my worth was slipping away. But the better I did in school the more my outstanding grades became the expectation which resulted in acknowledgement for my academic achievements disappearing. I felt like I was falling apart so I'd spend hours pray and begging god for help. To take the feeling of being worthless away. I developed an eating disorder sometime before ten. Specifically binge eating. My parents would find the trash, not understand that it was more than just "the sin of gluttony" and yell which made me feel threatened and eat more food.
And then I'd pray on my knees on the hard wood outside my room door with nails and splinters in it and hurt myself because not only was I a dumb glutton but I also apparently wasn't good enough for god to save or help. It made me think if he wants a relationship with me so bad why does he ignore me? I'd hold a knife to my wrist when I'd wash dishes to see if I felt him then. I questions if I'd even go to heaven. For all my problems the answer was to pray but the problem was I'm doing that but my prayers aren't being answered. I was having thought of death no twelve year old should have. On my birthday I was like a puppet simply going through the motions. Then I started questioning my sexuality. Not to mention, I'm now cut off from the world because this is all during covid, on the bright side they gave me my door back. Now I'm older and I have questions like. How was Adam able to name all the animals and understand god not wanting him to eat from the tree and their need to stay in the garden, but not comprehend his nakedness? How was Eve able to be tempted and not understand her nakedness? Why did they and apparently god think being naked was wrong? How are we not all messed up from tons of inbreeding and how do animals still exist after the inbreeding the would've occurred after Noah's ark if he only saved one male and female of each species? Why did god want to flood the Earth and purge it of it's evil humans if he was the one who decided free will would be a good idea? Since he is perfect and all knowing their shouldn't have been a moment of let me make something I'll destroy, wait nvm. My parents have changed a lot since I was little and have let me go to therapy. Of course I have a Christian therapist. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that every time I bring up trauma that's linked to religion or need advice in terms of how to change a bad behavior or over come anxiety the advice is to pray. And at times I feel like I'm in a moment of doubt she feel she should try and pull me back in. But they also said I have to volunteer in the childern ministry at church.
I used to work with children ages three to five. Now I'm in one to three. And it feels like I'm spreading propaganda. They tell me what to say and what the goal is for the kids to believe by the end of the month. After I can't help but feel dirty. I'm at the point in my journey were I don't believe. But I have to keep working in the childern ministry, I have to go to church every Sunday, my parents are both devotional authors with published books. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't believe both extended and intermediate. I just wanna know I'm not crazy. I feel like I'm being brainwashed or something. Like drink the blood and eat the body of Jesus!? It's all too much. And now that my parents know they're trying to make me go back to believing. And I listen to them talk and it's like I can't have a conversations with you. You put your faith above all else. You believe whole heartedly, my point of view is automatically wrong to you because faith trumps logic so why would I share it with you? But at the same time it's majority of the music they play, it's all their advice, I go every Sunday, my classmates and friends are majority Christian and yet I even though I see the flaws and hypocrisy, I still can't help but wonder, am I the crazy one?"
"My grandma would grab me and call me "big booty Judy." And my butt was grabbed, spanked, and frequently talked about. Sometimes she'd just sit there tapping it while she talked. It started when I was around three or four and just continued. Though now I'm in my teens and rarely see her. But my breast were also a topic for a while. Comments like "where'd you get those from?", "she's bigger than you.", and "her sisters the tall one but she's the curvy one." They felt icky but I didn't dwell on them. But she's also an alcoholic along with many other things. She dated my mom's friends when she was in college, gets shit faced in at events like birthdays and funerals. Shakes her ass on family members and frequently offered us alcohol. But I always took pride in being her favorite grandchild. Which she constantly reminded me I was. She also has a serious spending problem. But the funny thing is. She goes to a church church. She's in the choir and used frequently as a look example. She hosts church events and potlucks. She even remarried in the church. Never mind the things I just said that'd be considered sins. She's the perfect Christian woman."
"How do you cope with the level of disrespect? I'm not eighteen yet, but I'm still able to be disrespected. My main problem is the disrespect from my parents. My parents who wish to be respected in their beliefs and don't want their minds to change. But at the same time, my dad has sent my scriptures and stuff for the past couple of months since it came out. I don't believe in God or Jesus. They force me to serve and volunteer at church and attend every Sunday. They paired me with a not so ethical Christian therapist. Then both gang up on me about it and take my silence as defeat when I'm just respecting their beliefs. I'm literally the only non Christian in my family. I also have mental problems from staying with them and just in general, but they won't test me because I don't behave in such a stereotypical manner. I want to say they love me, but does someone who blatantly disrespects you love you? I'm having a hard time with seeing if I should do something as drastic as no contact after I reach a certain age.
But at the same time their those awful parents who don't just blatantly suck but also have messed me up quite a bit, resulting in me not feeling like I have a right to be upset. I've told them about how Christianity mixed with their parenting drove me to suicidal thoughts, almost going through with it, and an eating disorder I'm still battling. I also can't just leave and close the door behind me. I'm the oldest, and their are two more kids just like me, and if I turned my back on them, I'd never forgive myself. They're my siblings, but they're also what stopped me from going through with the bad thoughts I was having. They need someone who will be honest, say the weird things, and answer the ignored questions. So, how can I deal with the blatant disrespect so that I'm around for them? What skill for stress management can I use? How do I block out the constant religious gaslighting that happens in church? Because I have over two more years of this."
"My dad said if people don't wanna have a baby, they shouldn't have sex even if they're married. But sir, you had three babies while financially unstable because you couldn't keep your damn hands off my mom. You were planning me, but your job fell through, and when my mom went to get back on birth control, it was too late, so I'll give you a pass with me. But my siblings were both surprises. So, quit judging and practice what you preach. But that's not what pissed me off the most. He said women will put all their time into work and not their husbands, and that's why some men cheat, but the way he said it, it was like he was justifying it. But my dad, he'd go to hooters alone, and when I needed tights, he got them from a woman their and it made me think what if. And I know it's stupid, but that what if. It is so loud.
And it's not even the first time he's said something along the lines of justifying it and almost blaming the woman who gets cheated on. But then he likes to be all up in arms about how his friend married a woman who cheated on him multiple times. My dad's like, I wanna pour into my kids but then makes no effort, and when we spent time with him, we had to initiate it. He doesn't do the hey you wanna . . . stuff. But he has his own company, and they can't get any work right now, so he spends most of his time at home. And then says I'm just to tired to spend time with ya'll.
My mom was sick to the point of being half passed out in a drive-thru after taking my brother to karate and having to pick up dinner. I would've offered to drive him if I could. I'm still leaning, and I'm bad at staying in one lane. But my dad was really busy on his PS5 with his made-up football team. So busy he couldn't take my brother to karate nor could he pause his game to get dinner. I'm kinda starting to hate him. He's also done a couple of other things, but that's what recently has made me mad. But I don't feel like I have a right to be mad because he's here and a lot of my friends dad aren't, and he's not physically abusive like my best friends dad is. I just don't know how I should feel. Is everyone's dad like this?
Edit: It's mothers day and he couldn't be bothered to get the food, pick up the groceries, nothing. #1Dad guys."
​
So is it truly a horrible go no contact at eighteen situation, a be watchful situation, or is it fine? I know some of this stuff is a lot but some of it was also in a moment of extreme emotion. Remember like I said in the beginning they're not always like this.

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porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, proud, prove, provide, provider, province, provision, psychological, psychology, public, publication, publicity, publish, publisher, pull, punishment, purchase, pure, purpose, pursue, push, put, qualify, quality, quarter, quarterback, quarterly, queen, quest, question, quick, quickly, quiet, quietly, quit, quite, quote, race, racial, radiation, radical, radio, rail, rain, raise, range, rank, rapid, rapidly, rare, rarely, rate, rather, rating, ratio, raw, reach, react, reaction, reader, reading, ready, real, reality, realize, really, reason, reasonable, recall, receive, recent, recently, reception, recipe, recipient, recognition, recognize, recommend, recommendation, record, recording, recover, recovery, recruit, red, reduce, reduction, refer, reference, reflect, reflection, reform, refugee, refuse, regard, regarding, regardless, regime, region, regional, register, regular, regularly, regulate, regulation, regulator, reinforce, reject, relate, relation, relationship, relative, relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

As many people know, the 2nd Tumbleton was a giant mess of material that is nearing fanfiction levels of writing favoring the Blacks, but I wanted to break down some things that really irk or make my brain hurt thinking over them as I am re-reading the text. Hope I can make a few people laugh also, tried my best.
The battle starts in the black of night, where Addam arrives with his army of spawned in men that we are told he convinced to join him through talk-no-jutsu. We are told Addam set afire hundreds of tents full of men asleep. He then set his flames onto the town of Tumbleton, we are told the few shops, homes and Septs that were spared in the sack were engulfed in dragonfire by Addam. The book completely just glosses over how this kid just nuked a town for no reason after spending pages describing how awful the greens were for doing the same thing, anyway lol.
Ulf was knocked into a coma dream, that we are to assume he was put in by Benjicot's sharingan, nothing could wake him up. Hugh made his way to the stables, while waiting for his men to get his armor, Jon Roxton kills him to make sure he can't mount his dragon and kill Addam?????? Roxton really got hit hard by George with the brainless juice here because you can't put 2 and 2 together that maybe killing a valuable rider in the midst of an ambush is a really bad idea.
We are then told next that Daeron was killed by either two randoms or his tent. His dragon never even attempted to acknowledge its rider's death or the danger he was in. Tessarion kinda forgot about strong dragon & dragonrider bonds, feeling emotions, pain etc. So Addam's fire barrage kills Daeron. We are then told that Tessarion decides to now finally stop forgetting and kill the dragon who just killed her rider, so she attacks Seasmoke. Then George starts writing dragon pornfic about Tessarion deciding to have a mating dance with her rider's killer lol?????????
Vermithor then rose to put a stop to this cringe George was writing. The text then goes on to wank Addam more telling us how brave and awesome he is by deciding to face Vermithor, so he blindsides Vermithor, mid fight we get a Blackwood mention, George cant help himself. Vermithor beats and is about to kill Seasmoke when Tessarion decides she never really cared about Daeron in the first place, and decides to help her rider's murderer, the reason is unclear, it could have been the dragon porn? it could have been Addam's anime powers? maybe it was the Blackwood aura? Anyway Tessarion steps in saves Seasmoke's ass for some reason, then they fight for a bit, Seasmoke gets his head ripped off, Tessarion crawled away and Vermithor died from his wounds. Tessarion then gets killed by a Blackwood because George had to get one last Blackwood wank in.
The battle concludes when Benjicot grabs Addam's body and carries him away like a dramatic anime moment. We are told he got the privilege to rest at Raventree hall for a couple years till he later gets entombed in Hull with a stone engraved with the word LOYAL.
Daeron's body conveniently disappears, no body or funeral is ever held for him. His own men really gave zero shits about what happened to him. His own kin back in Oldtown forgot he existed and befriend his killer's brother. His brother Aegon was the only one who really cared that he died, ordered a giant statue made for him, that never got completed.
To conclude the breakdown of the 2nd Battle of Tumbleton, we had a 16 year old boy with anime protagonist talk-no-jutsu powers lead an army 4000 strong, of fish people I am to assume? against an army that was originally 20k, probably down to 15k by then, utterly defeated them, killed the Prince in charge, nuked the town, set the camps ablaze, participated in some dragon mating dance, attacked an angry Vermithor, befriended the dragon of the prince he killed, died from crush in the dragon 2v1, got the honor to be carried by a Blackwood. Then a Blackwood killed a dragon because this was necessary. Unwin Peake then decides to kill the last rider they have, decides he never really cared about helping his king and took the remaining thousands of men and marched home. We don't know where Daeron's body went, maybe he became the Night King? Alicent never mentions her son's death after and none of his kin do either. So we are to assume Lyonel never really cared for Daeron also. Oh yeah and the Hightowers kinda forgot they lost their Valyrian sword Vigilance @ Tumbleton when Hobert died.

In a nutshell, the position acknowledges that while preborn children will eventually experience the full range of characteristics that human life has to offer - consciousness, self-awareness, etc. - they do not suffer by being deprived of it so long as it is painless.
I derived this position from a Peter Singer vs. Stephanie Gray debate. Stephanie Gray argued that moral wrong can occur to people who aren't aware of it. For instance, getting up at a funeral and telling horrible lies about the deceased is morally wrong. However, the comments argued that the moral wrong in that situation is happening to the deceased's loved ones, and not the deceased.
Another example from the comments was that if somebody steals your inheritance, and you never knew about the inheritance, you still suffer because you were deprived of something intrinsically valuable. However, this requires you to eventually become aware of the inheritance, and without that awareness, you are ambivalent to the loss of your money.
How can you suffer if you are dead and got there painlessly?

https://www.reddit.com/GriefSupport/comments/1bykm11/anaia/
https://www.reddit.com/GriefSupport/comments/1bxzqi4/siste
About a month ago, I posted two separate posts on this subreddit about my younger sister, Anaia, who passed away on March 17th, 2024. In one post I gave photos, and in the other I wrote about her addiction, but I don't think I've really talked about myself.
It has been nearly two months since my little sister passed away, and I wouldn't describe it as grueling or depressing, just unusual. On April 22nd, it was confirmed to my family that Anaia died as a result of fentanyl toxicity, which was the reason I always assumed but to have it confirmed was very depressing. Yesterday, I went to my grandmother's house and there were a few copies of Anaia's death certificate, in the onset interval to death section, I said minutes. When talking to my mother (me and my parents talk all the time, my dad sits in my room and plays games while we talk about Anaia or something random, and me and my mother will talk about random things as well as Anaia too.), she told me her perspective of that morning. Long story short, around 11:45AM, I woke up to my mother screaming my sister's name and she soon realized she was unresponsive, me and my father woke up soon after and I called 911, and that's the short version. I assumed my sister was in her covers sleeping and fentanyl overrid her system, but no, my mom told me that when she walked into Anaia's room, she was laid flat out on top of all of her covers, arms outstretched to the side. Learning that was a major shock to me, and I'll explain why.
Sure, Anaia's death was nearly instant. But hearing the details of what my mom said really drove him that once it happened, it didn't matter whether we went into there at the right time or later, there was likely nothing that could've been done. From my understanding, it was almost as if she was up one second and collapsed the next. There was dried vomit on clothes next to her bed, making me assume that after vomiting, she just collapsed instantly after and died. After calling 911, my mother demanded out of fear for me to help her perform CPR, and I didn't hesitate to do so. But, anyone in that situation could tell, with no details given, that there was nothing that could've been done. The typical signs of a deceased body were very present, and even I (doing the mouth resuscitation) knew that if I felt no air coming back onto me, and touching her neck didn't give a pulse, I quickly understood that this was it, like there was nothing me or my parents could've done. When the paramedics arrived at 12 exactly, it took them a minute or two for them to tell us that there was nothing to be done, and ultimately, Anaia had died long, long before we got to her. They said roughly 6-8 hours, meaning at the earliest 3am, and at the latest 5am. It's a disheartening fact for him, and even my father expressed to me too a few nights ago, but we wished that at least there was a chance for us to get to her beforehand. Maybe if he and I or my mom went into her room for no real reason in the middle of the night, we would've been able to save her. What really struck me when my dad was telling me that was him acknowledging that while he and my mom were watching TV, he couldn't bare to imagine that simultaneously Anaia was dying. I felt the same way, I was awake around 3-3:30AM, and if she died during that time, I was totally unaware scrolling through my phone.
I wish that there was something to be done. During her time alive, and when she started doing street dealt percocets, I warned her about fentanyl, and ultimately I wish she had heeded my warning and stayed off them when she did quit in December. I'm a sociable person, and I'm one of those people that have a wide different variety of groups and friends I hang out with, and I may not be in extracurricular activities but even those that are popular in my school know me. As a result of being so sociable, I know people that do drugs, and only a set few who do percocets, one of my closest friends used to be a heavy percocet user and I used to tell her as much as I did my sister to quit. My friend and my sister quit, but one returned and one didn't. One is still here, and one is not. It doesn't matter how many people I told not to do percocets, of course I would've wanted my sister to be the one to really listen to me. But ultimately, the person I wanted to save the most didn't make it. I've saved others, but with my sister, it almost made my words feel like nothing after she died. No matter however many times I told her to please find something less dangerous and more beneficial, to not risk her life, she kept using and lost her life. Said friend and two other friends of my sister (I know both of them) were also at some point active percocet users, and they told me that they felt it like it should've been them, seeing my mother made them see that that could've been their parents, their siblings, their friends and relatives, etc. I told them bluntly that it in fact could've been them in Anaia's position, I told them that just because Anaia's clock stopping running doesn't mean there's has to, they can avoid being in her position. Then it got me thinking, there's plenty of other people who overdose on purpose, who overdose 9 times, who overdose and suffer long term effects like paralyzation, but still remain. Anaia overdosed once, and that was the final time. I believe in God and Jesus but I'm not a preacher, I believe and keep it pushing but I'm not religiously based. I believe in the concept of everyone having a time and a date, but sometimes I find myself questioning that if that's the case, are we just here to live a predetermined fate that we have no control over? At the end of the day, was I meant to go through this? Thinking like that plagues my mind, but I settle for it being her time to go, as seeing other drug users made me wonder what they may be here to prove on earth that Anaia could not. I don't like questioning others' lives and why they get to live longer, that's not me, and I'm glad they've been granted more chances, it just sucks my sister wasn't granted that chance in the grand scheme of things. Predetermined or not, there was so much she could've lived for, but I believe there's a reason time can't be reversed, and there's many unexplained miracles that somehow eases me into thinking that I shouldn't throw myself into a hole of questioning why she didn't get a chance, and just accepting that her race ended earlier than mine. I believe things happen for a reason, it's an insensitive statement depending on the situation, but things happen for people to learn and grow from them, but no one really knows why. I've just had to come to the conclusion hat my sister is okay, she's safe, and I have no reason to continue to question her life and worry about her if she's not here with me anymore, you feel?
From a brother perspective, it sucks. It feels somewhat lonely, to live and breathe as an only child. I've become accustomed to being an older brother to a younger sister, but I turned 16 without her, and that's how it'll be for the rest of my life. At her visitation on March 30th, I didn't cry, but seeing her body just made me shake my head. She looked very nice, the funeral home did an amazing job, but it hit me that this was really her. There were distinct things I saw that she had in life that made me come to that conclusion that that was what was left my little sister, and at the funeral + burial the next day, watching her being lowered into the ground left my head empty. No thoughts, she watching as her casket covered in a white sheet was lowered into the ground, and that'd be it. I grew up with this person, and now I have to look down on this person and go through life without this amazing person. I never imagine something like this happening, especially not like this. I always wanted to die first because I was older, a thought I feared ever since I was a child. That didn't get to happen, and milestones man. She'll never get to graduate the year after me, never get to have that lovely relationship with that special one that she always wanted, she never got to be an aunt, a mom, nothing. One day, I hope to have children and I will tell them about Anaia, but do I wish they'd have been able to meet her if that time came. Everyday, I walk past her room, sometimes I go in there and sometimes I don't. Two weeks after her death, her mattress was taken out by me and my dad's friend, up until a few weeks ago, her room was left scattered the way it was when she died minus the mattress, and now, everything has been cleaned up. It's empty, and the emptiness is another reality check. I'll never see Anaia again, and in the potential next life I believe I will, but the fact I can't now is a hard concept to grasp. No more walking to the bus stop, no more barging into her room or vice versa, no more waiting forever for her to complete her makeup, no more random room hangouts, no more of her asking me to flash a light for her Instagram pictures for an excruciating ten minutes, none of them. Her physical presence is gone, I come home everyday and instantly the thought of her being gone hits me. Riding in the car with my parents, being at school, going out, it doesn't feel the same knowing in the back of my head she's gone, no matter how much fun I have. Regardless, I've returned to normal life, matter of fact, I started going to school every day instantly after the funeral, and during the two weeks of March 17th-March 31st, I showed up to school here and there. It didn't take a toll to do so, because I've accepted that though Anaia died, I'm still alive? I don't stop when she does, that'll have more of an effect. Life still goes on, time doesn't stop for no one no matter how much I may want it to. I honestly sit my current happiness at like a 6.5-7, higher than one may expect. I still have my parents, my friends, and all of my relatives, an important chunk is just missing but I still have my people. I only feel alone in the sibling aspect, but in reality, people make me happy everyday and still continue to. I joke how I've always joked, people have said I look much better than how I did initially, there's notable sadness on my face, but I look happier. If that's true, then I hope it stays that way. I still go out to these afterschool events, outside friend hangous, they bring joy. I just miss my sister 25/8, but I've learned to appreciate life just a little bit more now. If she's okay, I'm okay.
Lastly, I wanted to mention dreams. People say they have dreams of deceased loved ones all the time, I personally haven't yet, would like to, but until then that hasn't been the case. I'm not talking dreams with the person in them, I mean direct communication dreams. My mother has had two, my dad's friend has had one, and my close friend mentioned earlier has had one, but the one that sticks out the most is my little cousin's dream. My mom has a younger sister herself and in 2018, she had her first child, his nickname is JP. During 2021-2022, me and Anaia lived with my grandmother due to losing our apartment (our parents stayed separately at a grouphome my dad worked at, they work for my grandmother's company), and my aunt as well as JP stayed with my grandma. JP essentially became me and Anaia's little brother that we didn't have, and vice versa for him, he sees me and Anaia has his older siblings. Seeing him seem so heartbroken after Anaia died was very sad, as you can see written on this five-year-old's face that Anaia was someone who truly mattered to him and he was so sad about it. However, in his dream, Anaia came to him and told him she loved all of us, that she regretted not seeing him grow older, and that what happened to her was an accident. The part that got me was that Anaia told him that where she was was beautiful, he asked to see it, and she told him he couldn't see it yet. Kids just don't make things like that up in my opinion, and he worded it very detailed for a kindergartener, and JP is at the age where his words don't conflict with other things he's said, he's consistent with it and he tells me the same thing he told me the first time when I ask him here and then. He can see it one day, but he can't see it, not yet. What that tells me is that if life is so hard, death must be so beautiful afterwards, and that there is an afterlife. Even if I believed in a separate religion, or if my current religion isn't the truth, I will always believe in an afterlife. I refuse to believe that this world is it, and kids just don't pull stuff out their butt in a serious situation. I believe him. If that's the case, then I'll gladly wait. It doesn't matter how many people die during my lifetime, whatever remains of it, and how many new people I might meet in my life. If my hope of living to elder age and I meet someone and create a family, and even if said wife and or children die before me if that plan does happen, there's only one person I wish to greet me. I hear that people see a loved one before they die, and I hope Anaia is the one that comes to see me when it's all over. Forever, no matter who else passes before me, Anaia's will stay the worst, the most impactful, and that's a strong statement to make but I'm sure of that. I have plenty of goals I have for myself, but my end goal once the others are done is to get past 70, pass peacefully, and have my sister wait for me there. I hope that wouldn't be much to ask for.
That's it.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I forgot. My son's father never has him make me a card or buy me a box of chocolates or call me. And I won't have my own mother to call. So it slipped my mind until I looked over my sales numbers last night and realized customers were stockpiling for something. And today was strange and brought up a lot of thoughts Ive had over the last few years so Im posting them to meander while i wander and to get it off my chest.
And today was a strange day indeed. I woke up to a call from my brother. Usually that ringtone is reserved for my boss so when I rolled over in bed and realized it was my brother calling I was confused. My brother and I haven't spoken in nearly 6 months since we had a conversation where he said I'm "just like mom". The meme on its surface was benign and I know he didn't mean any malice behind it, simply the banter of two abused siblings and their patter, but the words stung. I didn't handle myself with grace and dignity at the time - I lost my temper, wrote him a barrage of messages about how insulting it was to be compared to the woman who had emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and sometimes physically ruined us to the point that none of her three children speak to her, none of which have the same reason,, and that I wouldn't be speaking to him until an apology had been given in good faith. I waited a few days and when no apology came, I blocked him on all but one app, texted our dad about the situation and how hurt I was, and moved on. Christmas, New Years, his birthday came and went, and we haven't spoken.
Back in 2021 when the world was ending, my mother fell down the QAnon rabbit hole. She has always been a religious woman which was the crux of our constant loggerheads, but she fell further into the ideology of Trump as saviour, 5G microchips, vaccinations. Despite her verbal and emotional abuse, my mother was always a believer in medicine which I respected so to see this contrast was abrupt and alarming. She had us vaccinated as children and young adults, she works as a care aide in a palliative care ward. And yet suddenly she was touting that the vaccinations were being forced, started sending me Trump memes. The irony of us being Canadian vis a vis her Trump support wasn't lost on my child who asked me if she was okay after one of her unhinged rants about how Donny was gonna save us all. When your then 5 year old asks you if grammy is mentally well you take stock.
And my mother herself grew up in an abusive home. Her parents raised foster children for additional income that her father molested, he deliberately gave her Hepatitis C, they came from noblesse but were the black sheep. Hours long "tea parties" where we learned etiquette were drilled into us early, a stagnant reminder of her parents familial orbit in political circles; out of a sense of loyalty she remained close to her mother at the least until the old womans death. So it's not shocking that she would perpetrate the abusive behaviour on her own children. I somehow got the worst of it being born with two X chromosomes when she "hated little girls because little girls grow into little bitches" but my brothers had their struggles too. My older brother left home at 18 because she somehow managed to parentify him and hold him under lock and key to the point he enlisted in the navy to get away from her. His last straw was when she called his wife a cunt (of all the things she ever said to him that was the one that MAYBE might have been 90% accurate, fuck you KK). That was in 2009. In 2011, my dad finally grew tired of her abuse of him specifically. He wasn't even AWARE of what was happening with us kids bc she'd conditioned us that if we said anything he wouldnt believe us - to this day, after hearing us tell him the truth, he feels such second hand guilt he spoils us rotten. He left her - my younger brother chose to live with my dad so she sold his car that he'd inherited from her parents (I got nothing in the inheritance because of those pesky xx chromosomes) to "pay [her] back" for all the money "[she] spent raising him". Never mind that he was 18, the car was in his name, and it was her duty to raise him as, you know, a parent. I held on desperately wanting my mother to love me, to treat me well. I begged my brothers to give her another chance, to let her back in. I gave up by 2013 but kept in contact for my son who was born in 2015. By 2021 I was starting to crack.
Late in 2021, just shy of my 31st birthday, I finally snapped in half. My mother posted a meme to Facebook where she compared the mask mandates to the holocaust and used a real photo of real people who died in the showers at Auschwitz as a shock tactic. My skin burned as I looked at the post and I wrote a scathing remark. I made very sure to do it in her comments because I knew when people asked why I'd gone scorched earth she would twist my words because she has done so a million times. I made it extremely clear that her ideology and mine had finally collapsed like a black star and I could not have her near my child's malleable brain spewing her filth and untruths. That I would not allow him to grow up with her hateful heart influencing him and that I was choosing to be a better mother than she'd been by first protecting him from her and her dangerous views.
She'd already endangered his paternal nana's life once (she's a transplantee) by showing up at my house unvaxxed and maskless when she works in a fucking hospital. That I put up with quite a lot of her shit over the years because she is my MOM and i love her but I cannot do this anymore. I then blocked her, called my ex to let him know what I had done since they live in the same town so she might try to circumvent me to see our son so he was prepared (and he was fully on board for bc he trusts my dad wholeheartedly but trusts my mom as much as he trusts a scorpion in his palm) and left it alone. She left me a few vms but by January I stopped hearing from her.
So today I rolled over in bed to see my brothers name and well....we haven't talked since our fight so....it's probably important. I hesitated to pick up but what if it's about dad? I answered and gave a tight "hello", my first in months. His voice was so familiar and my chest felt so tight.
The convo started as I expected - he had something important to tell me. I braced for it and then he said "uncle rodger passed away last week". I couldn't help but laugh. Uncle rodger was my moms oldest sibling, I think he was like 15 years older than her so he'd be nearly 80? I met him a grand total of MAYBE 5 times in my entire life, we had exactly ONE conversation in 2011 at my moms father's funeral. Her dad abused rodger badly and he'd gone to the funeral to basically spit on his dads grave, his daughter knitted during the funeral and mockingly laughed whenever anyone said a kind word - a sentiment shared by all his granddaughters equally. mom forced me to attend for "family optics" as her dad was related to several politicians who were in attendance. Uncle rodg and I had a smoke on the balcony and talked about what a giant piece of shit Andrew was in life and how funny it was everyone was pretending to be sad over him being dead. He said "ur just as smart as mom says u are" and I said "idk how the fuck she'd know that she can't even spell my name properly and she's my own grandmother" and he laughed ironically. It was a bonding moment for sure but we'd never spoken before and haven't since so i was confused as to why my brother thought I'd even care about poor old Uncle rodg.
When my son was born, my ex and I agreed on one thing- our son would be raised agnostically and that we would teach him about religion, but that he'd be free to choose on his own what he believes in and we would be supportive if he did eventually choose to follow religion but not actively participate. To that end, we forbade my mother from bringing him to church or Bible study. On one occasion where I trusted her to babysit she sent me a photo of my son, then aged 3, with a small child. "They're having a great time!" She captioned. "Where are you?" I inquired. She did not respond. The next day, when I picked him up she elaborated that they'd had an "impromptu" bible study session and brought him along. I flashed back to all the times I'd said I don't believe in God and she'd slapped me across the face. I decided not to let him spend the night at grammys anymore.
I laughed into the phone. "Oh noooooo I'm devastated about my uncle who died that I barely knew". My brother managed a half laugh - they HAD been in touch over the years and were adversaries. My brother, seeking some form of family had reached out over the years and met with antagonism and hostility which he would deliver back incisively.
Rodg was the oldest of 5, mom was the baby, and because of the age difference, the older 3 had their little clique and mom and the second youngest were always quite close, so by proxy my brother and I were quite close to uncle Henri. I grew apart from him after one too many rants about how much he loved Harper but my brother, always dutiful, has kept in somewhat touch. After broaching the news my brother let me know he'd also called uncle Henri to give his condolences.
And then he said something very interesting. He told me uncle Henri said "you know, your mother misses you. You should get in touch with her. She has three children and none of them speak to her and she doesn't understand why". My brother obviously brushed him off; he hasn't spoken to her in over a decade, why would he now? Then my brother gently said to me "you know, there's an irony, that she was treated badly and did the same thing to her own children but doesn't recognize it.". It wasn't a direct apology, but I recognized it for what it was - a tacit admission that we'd both endured hell, and he'd chosen this moment to tackle this subject with me without using the words "im sorry", but also to let the gates of communication reopen again so we could go back to whatever normal we had. He was acknowledging my abuse for real, something he'd never done. He was sorry.
The rest of the conversation was brief. We each gave a quick update of our lives as if nothing ever happened and said we'd chat soon; I suppose thats how it goes when you love someone very much but have a stupid argument where you're not mad at each other but take it out on each other.
I relayed the conversation to my partner and as I did so something struck me - when my uncle said "she doesn't understand". All three of us explicitly told her exactly why we were cutting her off when we did so, so there's nothing to misunderstand. My partner said "some people think the world is happening to them". If my uncle had said "she feels badly about everything and wants to apologize or start over" that would be a completely different beast, but she truly sees this as something the world has done to her rather than something she has created. The irony is the best lesson my mother ever taught me is that when you point a finger at someone, there are three pointing back at yourself. It's a shame she can't see it.
So tomorrow is mothers day. I won't be celebrating, I'll be thinking about ways I can do things differently for my own son. There will be no benediction for my mother, but maybe I can save myself.
And to those of you who also have narcissistic mothers, may you have a day of peace, may you not feel guilty if you cut her off, may you tell your own story and find some catharis

I just found and joined this subreddit so I first want to thank everyone for providing this space and for any help they provide, to me or elsewhere in this sub.
tl;dr: I am paid part time by the state to be the live-in care aid to my mother. My client has such features as narcissistic traits, severe codependency issues, active addictions, and a deteriorating physical and mental state (multiple severe, chronic conditions; memory lapses, aggressive and defensive behaviors) and she refuses to seek treatment for her mental health. My mother has always put her emotional regulation on me and has been consistently and willfully negligent in respecting boundaries. I have felt parentified by her as far back as I have memories. I am in therapy to treat cPTSD from traumas beginning in early childhood (dad gets a lot of blame here too, ftr) and also now require ongoing therapies for fibromyalgia. I asked my sister and aunt for help repeatedly after my brother tragically died but was unsatisfied with the pittance I received. I feel burnt out, taken advantage of, exhausted. My mother is miserable to be around and so no one ever chooses to be around her. She's not had but two visitors in months, an old beau visited once for tea and stayed for an hour. The other is her sister and I could count the hours we see her in a month on one hand. My sister is never here. My mother is lonely and she just wanted to have her family visit for Mother's Day. I was a bitch. Apologies have been exchanged but I am not satisfied because it feels like nothing ever changes.
How do I do better when dealing with my mother? And how do I feel better about it always being my responsibility to do better? How do I get out of here (i.e. get to full-time employment such that I could support myself and my cats) without feeling better? (Because I need to be able to get out of here now.)
The full story, for those with time I thank you for reading. It's separated because it is, on some level, just venting. I don't see my therapist until Thursday and I have already overburdened my closest friend recently. I need more friends. Just typing this out was tremendously helpful in processing so journaling is a good thing for me to add to my list of activities.
Background: I am my mother's live in care aid. Before, I was live in care aid to my mother and grandmother. Before that, my mother was live in care aid to my grandmother. My mother, like me, made poor life choices and had to move back in to (grand)ma's mobile home in the retirement village. She blew through hundreds of thousands of my grandma's dollars before I got here. I took advantage for a while but I don't spend quite so bad as my mother. I am now paid part time but I have only qualified for one whole month and I have not yet been fully paid for that month. I am working on improving my employment situation but I fully admit I need to do more. Additionally, my aunt used to take my grandma out on drives regularly to (1) get her out of the house, (2) to spend time with her mom, and (3) to give her sister (my mom) a break for a couple hours. My family hasn't really come over much at all since grandma passed (my mother's hospital visits and appointment visits don't count, funereal things don't count, holidays don't count). My only breaks have been my stay-cations (the periods where my mother has been hospitalized for several nights) during which I am monitored by my aunt and sister to check that I regularly visit my mother. They don't speak to me, of course. They ask her when I visit and how long I stay. My mother is always really talkative and forthcoming with information she thinks will cause drama when she's high (or drunk).
Personal issue which intensifies my emotions: My grandma died in July, my brother died in December. Last mother's day I did a big thing. (You can't imagine how grateful I am to have these memories. I wish someone had taken photos but that whine is another story.) I made a bunch of stuff for street tacos but was running behind day of. So it ended up being me, my brother, and my sister in the kitchen cooking together. The three of us were so amazing to watch in the kitchen. We had this sense about each other, an intuition. We clashed so often in so many ways but in the kitchen you could see we were family, really family. It was the first time we were together like that again since my brother and I had come back from some addiction issues. So it's my only real memory of us like that (I don't remember my childhood well). And now it will always be the only one. So I'm having a really hard time dealing with tomorrow.
Whining: It's also been a really long week. I have been far too busy and pushing myself too much (like going to the gym even when I'm tired). I have been sleeping too much and feeling week and sore so I needed to rest today. I told my mom yesterday that I was exhausted and would need to rest today. I had to check on her late because she was throwing up (I was up anyway because of the aurora but I'm glad I was to check on her). So there's no surprise here that I'm tired and ornery. I had also woken up to texts from my sister and my aunt both inquiring, the day before, about plans for Mother's Day. My sister's text really knocked it out of the park: "I guess I should come visit Mom tomorrow since it's Mother's Day".
The actual story: My mother comes out this afternoon and sits in a chair while I'm in the bathroom. I come out, ask her "what's up?" She begins by saying that I should take her for a drive to get her out of the house. She then continues that she wants to do something for Mother's Day, to have her family over. I tell her about the texts I had received and that I was not happy to be expected to be the point person on this. I tell her that I do everything for her. I tell her that if they want to celebrate her for Mother's Day then they can take the lead. I will show up with a smile on my face but I will not plan, I will not provide, I will not do anything. I need today to rest and I told you that. (I know that I am rude and harsh with her. I am working on how I speak to my mother. It is better when I'm not pouring from an empty cup. I can't get help if I'm not honest so please be understanding to me in a way that I struggle to be to her.) She says that she always had to do without for her mother when she was in my position. I say that I always said I would not be like she was with her mom. She says can you at least take care of [the laundry that is on the corner sofa no one sits on or looks at]. I am stupefied. Aghast. But I stay calm. I say no, I will not. I am going to do what I want today because I need to rest. And that doesn't include laundry. (I was absolutely going to do the laundry today but I hate that. She always fucking does that, reminds me of chores. And we have had that conversation so many times. Still, this is another area I need to address.) I then remind her that I'm exhausted and not ready to have serious conversations right now. She then starts on about finances and how ours are bad. How we're hemorrhaging money. She says she's "open to ideas" (I resist the urge to scream in her face WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS! I SAY I DON'T WANT TO SERIOUS TALK RIGHT NOW SO YOU BRING UP THE FUCKING MONEY? I KNOW WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BUT YOU ONLY EVER BRING IT UP WHEN I'M ASKING YOU TO STOP WITH HARD STUFF!?!) I say that that is too open ended, it's not fair to come and ask me to do all the brain work on such an intimidating task. (Problem: Yes it is. It is absolutely my job and I need to start working on answers to these questions.) I say again that I need rest, that I am exhausted, and that she has come out to unload her stress on me but doesn't offer anything productive. (A comment which was even less productive, I see that.) She then starts yelling that I always do this, I always put everything on her, everything is always her fault (she's storming out of the room by now)... (door slams)
Some time later, I went to check on her. I told her that I had not been considerate of this being her first Mother's Day without her mom. I reminded her of how painful the loss of my brother now feels to me on Mother's Day. We each said we were sorry.
How do I do better in the moment? My mother is not going to change, she's just going to get worse. And I somehow need to get my head out of my ass and get back to work. But my doctors all say I need to go slow because of my conditions. But the time is running out. I need to get better faster. I'm medicated (taking legitimate scripts as scribed). I'm meditating. I'm yogaing. I'm exercising. I'm getting sleep. I drink enough water. My diet could be better but I don't drink alcohol. I do smoke weed to help with the chronic pain (and I acknowledge that this has real side effects). I have professional support. I still need help. Thank you for any insight or advice you can offer.

I’m on my fourth rewatch and my husband is watching it for the first time with me. We just finished season 2 episode 5, and my husband theorized that Boo was already dead at the mother’s funeral. In season one, Fleabag mentions that her mother died three years ago. I can’t recall if it’s ever specified how long ago Boo’s death was before the first episode. He believes that Fleabag is talking to/looking at Boo when she looks at the audience, and he pointed out that no one actually interacts with Boo during the funeral except for Fleabag. There’s a scene at the funeral with Boo, Fleabag, and Claire, and another one with the first two and Harry, but in both scenes nobody actually seems to acknowledge or interact with Boo. He thinks that this scene is showing us a glimpse of how Fleabag uses the thought of Boo as an emotional crutch. I think it’s more likely that Boo was alive and Fleabag’s decision to cheat with Boo’s boyfriend probably spun out from grief over her mother, but I do think it’s a really interesting theory.

I 38F married the man 40M after over a decade of friendship, I'm only going to highlight keys factors from in the beginning and more depth to the newest and lastest what on earth did i get myself into. This is mainly because I'm sitting at work and my head is not fully in the right place because of everything thats been going on and just total lack of sleep. I can give more details if anyone thinks it's important. My husband is in the service so I had to relocate, gave up my house (well its under rent to own currently) had to get an attorney to be able to move my children with me, gave up a job I had for 7+ yrs. I was willing to do all this with no questioned asked I trusted him I cared and I felt it was the right thing to do. Now I knew before moving that he has a medical issue (E.D.) and given I had an emergency histerectomy in my mid 20's and it had some negative effects on my own libido I didn't think this would really have much of an impact on our actual relationship; figured as long as we are emotionally there a couple of months without a physical relationship isn't nothing that cant be worked out. Well about a month after we said I do he was served paperwork to remove his custody of his child from his previous wife but it's at this moment his personality flips and he's shut off and if anyone that tried approaching him to try and get him to talk he would lash out at. I was trying to be understanding and be there for him as much as he would allow me to be at least. He just never bounced back and has seemed to just pull deeper and deeper into himself. Now before I get to far into this I do have to make mention the financial situation it becomes an significant factor later on. All the main bills the rent, water, electric all that was already established and in my husband's name and he claimed he will cover all those that I just need to focus on food,pets, kids and whatever else I can because he is the primary bread winner. I had also cashed out my 401 to cover the cost of my attorney and what was left I gave to him to get his attorney to fight for his daughter and his rights. Well by the 4th or 5th month into the marriage he's pulled away emotionally more and more and I have spent time and again trying to get him to open up and talk to me, plus I'm starting to get really sexually frustrated to the point it's effects my sleep and I'm trying to keep that under wraps because he's very sensitive on that subject and I don't want to hurt him in any means, but we have yet to even consummated the marriage. When we do, do the deed it's so impersonal and didn't really come across like he really wanted it if that makes any sense, all I can say is the vibe was off. It will be well over a year before we are intimate again. I won't lie I'm not innocent by any means. I have a dark sense of humor and I use this as a means to cope when im frustrated or stressed. In this over a year celibacy there where times where I would make poor jokes, if I caught myself I would apologize but I would make statements like im working on becoming a Nun or that I have to live bie curiously through my books (thank God for smut) or call him a tease because during the first few months I first thought maybe that's his way of wanting to initiate and I was wrong so I started taking it as a joke and began brushing it off as such. I'm still not pushing him in that subject because if he just thought that's where the conversation was going I was getting basically reprimanded and made to feel guilty and all I care about is sex. I couldn't tell you how many nights I spent tearing myself down, telling myself I have to get myself in under control, how Im hurting him and all sorts of things. This going on throughout the over a year of celibacy; guilt, tears; and if I tried to explain to him how I felt I was faced with more guilt. Now I haven't drank since I was 20 I guess I had lost interest in that but one night when I was extremely down tearing myself down more because I let slip a poor tasted joke and once again hurt his feelings. I had reached a point I just wanted to numb it out even for just a second and a took a shot of jack. I had regrets, it did not go well and can promise you will never happen again ugh. Well the next day he goes to bring me breakfast and no this isn't a normal behavior anyways I reject his offer cause my stomach was still on a rebellion and didn't want to exorcist. When he questioned me I told him what I did the night before; taking the shot the instant regret all of it and he's like oh okay and goes back to the bedroom to play his PC games or whatever he does on his computer. I go back to the bedroom sometime in the afternoon and all of a sudden after all this time the mood hits him, I'm not even sure how I should feel about it. Over a year with nothing to I take a shot cause I want to numb out the guilt and frustration and all of a sudden it's like game on. Things go back to normal, emotionally detached and arguments because I'm feeling like I'm not heard or that he doesn't care to hear how I feel. I start to offer to get a 2nd job thinking maybe if the stress of the household bills is mounting on him, I get a 2nd job and could help more I want to help more, but he tells me he doesnt like the idea or he wasn't raised that way that the man is suppose to be able to provide. You name it I heard it so I haven't gotten a 2nd job but I do bring it up here and there wanting him to know I'm willing to do this for us to help him. Well he brings up wanting to "help" his cousin 40 F and her kids. The first time he brought it up I said I don't think it's a good idea because we are fight for his daughter we don't have the space and he drops it. Few months later he brings it up again and I tell him I don't think it's a good idea because it could put my custody of my kids in jeopardy, and he proceeded to claim to me that no judge would remove my right for a temporary situation like that, that at most it would only be 4 months it will be fine. He leaves it at that and I didn't argue further because he already seemed to have his mind set. Well sadly his one niece past away and we went to her funeral and he planned on staying up with his family for almost 2 weeks for moral support which i supported and I went home with my kids to find 3 people waiting. I called him, im mad like are you serious you knew they would be here and your basically dumping this on me, and now I'm reminding him that I didn't like the idea to begin with and why and all he can say in his angry annoyed tone well I can tell them they have to go. I told him no that, that's not right cause we'll shit I can't fault them for his choice I'm just gonna have to suck it up and deal. Now I can't explain why and it's not a normal thing for me to have unknown issues with people but something about his cousin just rubs me the wrong way and I'm trying to just let it go but I can't seem to shake the feeling. Few months go by and I don't primarily see his cousin she hides in what's suppose to be my daughter's bedroom, hasn't appeared to be looking that hard to get a job, hasnt gone to inroll her son in school, just seems to be filling space. The only time I would see her is when my husband is home and she's following him around like a lost puppy. And yes I know they are cousins they grew up together they are the same age wanting to talk and that I get but when I tell you for months she's like right there and she only there when he's alone and she leaves or puts more space between them when I get home or come around it became noticeable and difficult to ignore. She finally finds a part time job and from my understanding gave my husband like $100 as a means for helping for the added cost. Things are getting tense in the house, and she's still following him around so long as I'm not around. Well end of Dec my husband and I decided to watch a movie, we where showing signs of affection and other interests but buy the time the movie ended we were falling asleep and didn't expect us actually doing anything beyond sleep. As we face each other and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open he tells me it's like throwing a hotdogs down a hallway; when I tell you my eyes flew open and I'm like excuse me he looks at me and say of my bad I mistaken you with (insert ex name here) rolls over and goes to sleep. I leave the room I'm pissed and crying cause we'll don't want to throw hands so no sleep for me. I spend a few days smoldering about it trying to convince myself he wasn't fully awake and making excuses for him except he want to to be intimate and as my mouth is occupied he says something in reference to his ex yet again. I don't know what he said for sure, I heard her name and saw red and its like the world went silent around me. I just got up got dressed for work and left. Finally I snap and I'm not even sure what finally pushed me to snap but we are in a big argument and I tell all, the hotdogs hallway bs the fact he let them stay here even after I said I didn't think it was a good idea and why, how his cousin makes me feeling, that there's something not right, how this place isn't a home, all of it. He 1. Tells Me I can't hold the hotdogs thing against him he was asleep. 2. I didn't directly say no to them moving in and I should had been straight forward and not bet around the bush so me and all my glory ask him fine if I didn't say no tell me when did I say yes to which he doesn't believe that makes a difference, but he agreeded he would tell them to leave and asked when I want them out so I said by the time the kids get out of school (which gave them 3months) (they have effectively lived with us for 5 to months at this point) so when I feel like finally hes starting to understanding where im coming from; I get thrown curve balls. Any time he calls or complains to me about something he's pointing the finger at my kids and if I even try to point out that they are not the only ppl living in that house he snaps telling me I need to stop targeting his cousin and just gets nasty to me. So much so that at one point I hung up on him and I haven't been that mad since house phones where a thing and it wasn't nearly as satisfying hanging up on him without the slamming. Well I keep getting this intrusive thought to look in his phone. I'm not a person that invades someones personal privacy and I'm not primarily a jealous person. I've been around many of his other friends male or female with no issues, it's just this gut feeling. Well I'm not proud of myself but I did look in his phone, and only in his messages with his cousin and the things a read was wtf. Him telling her I'm just starting my bs again, or I'm using him just like ever other woman he's ever been with, to her telling him she do him and him saying don't make offers you won't back. There's more of that I just can't write them all cause it just sets me off. So I sent the images of their conversation to my friend it's like 3am and I just wanted to make sure I wasn't just making something out of nothing because well I have been questioning my own sanity with everything he has said and done to this point. She acknowledged that it definitely is messed up. So I go to confront him tell him I want a divorce or annulment I didn't care which and I explained why, down to reading their txt to him. He's mad at me for invading his privacy which I'm not hating him on that but that fact that he is trying to push his and his cousin's messages out as a joke because I accused them months ago and said it was so absurd that they made it a joke between the two of them. So me confiding in him on how I felt warranted him to disregard and disrespect me and believe it was justified to do so because it was just so absurd that I had accused them of the act. I didn't think he be all about his cousin, wasn't a thought the fact she followed him around and would create a distance between them when I showed up, I don't think I accused but I could be wrong. Sadly I wish that was the peak of all this but it actually gets worse and I'm so at a lost at this point. This has been an on going fight for the past week and if I didn't think that things could get more toxic, he decided to hand me his handgun tells me to pull the trigger and I'm confused like what why what are you asking and he tells me to put a bullet in him, if he's making me feel like I'm losing my mind that i should just end him. I put the gun down and tell him he's not worth going to jail he spends a few minutes telling me that once i shot him just put the gun in his hands. Like I haven't spent I life time watching true crime or something. Anyways we end up spend the next 6-7 hours basically going in circles about everything him trying to justify everything to me trying to convey just how wrong it was to do any and all of that and that telling me he respects me and my opinions but that his actions show he doesnt. Give that now I have that moment is stuck in my mind and I'm just so at a lost. I would rather he hate me and know he lives vs him offing himself and I just left without helping.

I am graduating with a PhD this semester, so I just wanted to write about what happened during my long 7-year journey (6^th year student) to talk about the red flags to watch out for and to rant to relieve my stress. This will be a long post, so this may be a waste of time to read, but I am writing this for myself.
Just to explain my background before joining a PhD program, I didn’t have experience in academic research environment and I was very anti-social, so I didn’t know anything about academia and have anyone to ask about what labs are good or not.
Red flags during interview:
The school I went to did not have a rotation program, so the program director connected you with the PI you are interested in. My PI didn’t have a large lab, but published at least one paper a year on good journals, so I wanted to join his lab. When I first interviewed my PI, one question I remember asking was “what’s the one thing your students struggle with the most?” and my PI’s answer was “all my students are excellent, so nobody struggles.” I also asked whether I could visit the campus, as I was invited to other campuses for interview, but my PI said he’s too busy. I was very naïve, so I didn’t think anything was wrong w/ these answers.
Generally, he was happy with me and I received an offer letter couple days after. The problem occurred when he told me to make a decision within a week or he’ll go with another candidate, but this was two weeks before other schools started sending out their offer letters. I contacted my #1 school, which was in top 3 vs top 20 (the school I went to), whether they could let me know their decision before, they said they cannot. Again, because I was naïve, I did not think about accepting and then rejecting the offer to wait for #1 school’s decision, so I rescinded my application to #1 school, because I didn’t want to know and decided to go to the with my PI.
First 3 years
When I first joined the lab, there were 2 postdocs, 1 master’s student who was about to graduate and 2 other PhD students that joined with me. There were multiple red flags when I first joined.
The lab’s requirement was to come by at 9 am at the latest and stay until 6 pm at least. This isn’t really a red flag, but I haven’t seen many labs that are this strict.
When I told the people in other labs that I am in my PI’s lab, everyone basically said, “Oh, that’s a tough lab. Good luck.”
I learned that the other PhD students made the decision to join this lab months after I made my decision. I was mad after hearing this, but I thought oh well, I am here now, so I will try my best here.
Another was that the master’s student used to be a PhD student, but she decided to be a master’s student after my PI yelled at her for not using the NMR herself and making her pay the NMR staff. Using the NMR was a problem for her because she had pacemaker in her heart, but my PI wasn’t understanding of that. She also had 0 publications.
There was only one PhD graduate from this lab when my PI had been a professor for more than 10 years. Everyone either left after arguing with her or left with master’s.
When I heard about these, I thought that won’t happen to me if I just work hard, so I worked in the lab around 10 hours a day. Also, the lab environment among the postdocs and the students were nice. Then one day, one of the postdocs’ family passed away, but he couldn’t go to the funeral, because this was in other country and he didn’t want to risk his visa. This made him feel very guilty and he started getting depressed and he started to come to the lab. When my PI started to notice this, they had a meeting and after the meeting, the postdoc told my PI that he was depressed because of his family’s death/guilt and my PI’s reply was “still?” Soon after that, the postdoc left the lab due to another issue.
My grandfather passed away soon after, so I had to go to my home country for 4~5 days for the funeral. My PI was understanding, but when I came back and we walked into each other in a hallway, the first thing he said was “did you start your experiments?”
He is very stingy. We had RO1 grant, but we had to ask his permission for anything over $100 and he would refuse to pay for any assays/drugs that are too expensive. Also, I asked for a multichannel pipette for cell culture studies and he said he doesn’t care if it saves me time. I only managed to convince him when I told him I borrow multichannel other lab’s and it helped keep my data more consistent.
On my 2^nd year, the postdoc that stayed in the lab had a lot of data, but my PI didn’t let him write technical papers and kept forcing him to write review papers. By the time he left (almost 3 years), he had 3 review papers and 0 technical papers. Also, when he was searching for jobs, my PI never helped him even if he knew the professors the postdoc was in contact with.
By my 3^rd year, the two that joined the lab with me left, but there was one 2^nd year student (one left after 1 semester), and one 1^st year student. During this time, the 2^nd year student started developing IBS, but the school hospital couldn’t figure out what it was so his symptoms got worse and by the time they identified it, he had to be hospitalized. Then he went back to her country to recover with her family for couple months. Then all of a sudden, my PI said I’m moving to a different school, so you have a week to decide if you want to follow me or not. He said there might be a slight delay in our graduation because of the time it’ll take to move/set up the new lab, but it really won’t have much effect and that he’ll cover the cost of moving. I was already in my 3^rdyear, so of course I followed and both the 2^nd and 1^st year students decided to follow also. When we moved, my PI said he won’t cover the cost of moving as the school’s not letting him and we were all mad, but we didn’t do anything about it. When we finally met at the new campus, the 2^nd year student forwarded an email he got from my PI and the PI basically sent him a contract stating that he can’t miss the school more than 5 times a semester or he’ll be dismissed. This was a very unreasonable request, because IBS can happen any time, so the 2^nd year student decided to stay in the old school and join a new lab.
While we were setting up the new lab, COVID hit, so the lab was shut down for couple months, so I couldn’t do anything during this time. I published 1 review paper at this point and I couldn’t even write a manuscript for a manuscript, because my PI’s plan always changed.
4^th – 6^th year
I had to take classes at the new school, because my major changed, so that was some time wasted. With the move, COVID and classes, my advisor said my graduation will be delayed by 1 year, but I thought okay, it’s understandable. During my 5^th year, he kept saying you have a year left, but during this time, he didn’t let me take my proposal exam, saying he wants me to publish at least one technical paper before. I sent him a written manuscript by the beginning of my 4^th year, but he didn’t look at it saying he’s really busy. Eventually, around 6 months before the promised graduation date, I told my PI that I want to graduate and he looked surprised and said I am not ready to graduate. I was very mad, but I at least convinced him to let me propose, which he agreed to, even if I hadn’t published yet. He still hasn’t looked at my paper at this point.
By my 5^th year, we had three 1^st year students, one 3^rd year and two 4^th year students. The 2^nd year student was very motivated at that time and he wrote a review paper within couple months and wrote a technical paper with me and wrote another one. However, my PI still to this day didn’t read any of them. During this time, a huge drama occurred and all the first years and one 4^th year student left our lab. The 4^th year student left, because his projected depended on this one instrument and my PI refused to fix it as it costs too much. This instrument is still not fixed after 2+ years. Also, because of the drama, the whole department found out about our lab and even the graduate coordinator and the department head were involved.
Eventually I formed my committee and every one of my committee members was very nice and during the proposal exam, even my PI was very supportive.
There were so many other things that happened, but as this is getting way too long, I’ll skip to the end.
I started writing my thesis around 5-6 months before the graduation date and managed to write a first draft after 3 months and sent it to my PI. During this time, I kept editing it, but he didn’t send me any comments. My school requires us to send our thesis 10 business days before defense to the committee, so when there were around 20 days left, I emailed my PI and that’s when he sent some comments. When I saw his comments, 90% of it was about the acknowledgement section of my thesis and it didn’t seem like he looked at the rest at all. He made me delete everyone that he didn’t like and made his part very long. I was mad, but I thought maybe he didn’t think other parts were that bad. However, 1 day before the 10 business days, he called me about more acknowledgement section changes and some other big changes. I was 1 day late, but I sent my thesis to my committee and they were okay with me being one day late.
The real issue came when it came close to my defense. 3 days before defense, my PI started talking about my data and telling me how they are not correct and that I need to fix them. I slept barely 8 hours over those 3 days and managed to fix everything and defended. I was very stressed during this time, because I was fixing my slides until 11 h before my defense, so I basically didn’t have much time to study and practice. After I defended, my committee told me to fix some parts, which I was okay with, but my PI again told me my data is needs to be fixed and gave explanations for these data that were contradictory to the papers I found. When I told him, he said that’s fine and that he’s right, so I just wrote exactly as he told me to. Yesterday was the deadline to submit to thesis to graduate by spring semester, but the school gave me until today. My PI expected me to revise over the weekend, but when I told him I have to submit, he said “your thesis is lousy and not up to my standard, but okay you can submit tonight” which I did.
At this point, I ended up with 0 technical and 2 review papers with 2 first author manuscripts that need to be checked by him.
Now I am on my bed typing this past midnight and I am planning to enjoy the weekend. If you got this far, this post is probably not written well, so I am sorry about that and also thank you.

This movie actually did what so many reboots/legacyquels should do, namely, KEEP the world and mythology but tell NEW stories and bring it all forward.
Things to truly appreciate:

• The Caesar funeral. Just enough acknowledgment, Maurice etc, without overwhelming the movie.
  
• the new Eagle clan world building and setup, new, great stuff. Parents and elders look so awesome.
  
• the immersiveness and construction of each scene. Noa’s first interaction with Proximus’ clan, the bridge scene, Proximus convo with Noa : all built and shot like something you are experiencing yourself.
  
• Raka. I was absolutely certain I could never like the orangutan character as much as I enjoyed Maurice. I was wrong. So great. And, clearly : HE LIVES.
  
• the humans actually achieved a semi-victory in this!
  
• the Villain: Proximus wasn’t just pure evil, he was a bit of a bro, you almost wanted to hang out with him like Trevathan and almost understood his point of view.
  
• Like all great science fiction, it comments on things indirectly through metaphor that are difficult to comment on directly. The differing legacy of the laws and teachings and symbols of Caesar, their interpretation and application.
  
• the world building: The ruins of the eagle nests. The radio tower village. The airport sanctuary of Raka. The zoo zebras. The port kingdom of Proximus.
  
• the accessibility of this adventure movie installment. It’s not as grim or dark as the (admittedly premium quality) last couple installments. This one explores some fun adventure in the world. And the preview night in my theater was packed.
  
• the effects the insane next level hard to imagine how they get better effects. Just. Wow.
  
• and so much more I’m sure you can comment on.
  

Ps - there is no wormhole. So silly. There is a telescope. That is the tunnel that captures light. People interpret things so oddly.

Losing a loved one is a grief-bearing task that is incredibly difficult to handle. During the mourning, urgent liaison issues may arise and providing a decent and timely separation for the deceased is essential. Freezer ambulances become a precious resource when death occurs throughout the journey to the burial place or when funeral plans have not been made quickly. Harjeet Ambulance Service, a venture synonymous with providing ambulance services in Chandigarh, appreciates the emotional complexities associated with such cases.
By providing a fleet of recently serviced freezer ambulance in Chandigarh equipped with this latest technological innovation, we will ensure that the deceased individuals receive the respectful care and consideration they deserve. Our specialist workforce guarantees a clean and dignified process in the final stage.This extensive article intends to share with you everything you need to learn about the operations of freezer ambulances. During our sessions, we'll discuss their purpose, services, legality, and considerations when choosing a service provider.

What is a Freezer Ambulance?

A freezer, mortuary, or refrigerated transport vehicle is a specially built ambulance with a temperature-controlled area for specific purposes. The compartment is where the temperature is maintained at a low, constant level set between 2°C and 4°C. It allows for the movement of the remains over long distances to places where they are safe and treated with respect or for keeping them until the funeral details are decided upon.

How Do Freezer Ambulances Work?

Refrigerated ambulances in Chandigarh and other places operate by electricity or fuel to create a low temperature within the freezer area. The unit is independent of the aid of the primary ambulance's engine, which means regular coldness during the trip. Modern-day freezer cells are usually equipped with automated digital temperature monitoring systems programmed to continuously monitor and correct the inner temperature as necessary.

In what situations are Freezer Ambulances Used?

Freezer ambulances serve a variety of purposes, including:
• Long-distance transportation: When a death occurs away from the burial or cremation place, the freezer truck acts as a funeral vehicle to preserve the body securely and respectfully.
• Delayed funeral arrangements: If some legal requirements or other family gatherings postpone the finalizing of the funeral, a freezer ambulance is a temporary storage solution.
• Medical examiner transportation: Ambulances with freezers are used mainly by medical examiners or coroners to transfer bodies to be investigated further or for an autopsy.
• Disaster victim transportation: While a freezer ambulance is not a new concept, it has become vital in the aftermath of natural disasters, mass casualty events, or other situations that require additional handling of the deceased.

Legalities of Using a Freezer Ambulance

The legal aspects of freezer ambulances could be different in each place. The majority of the time, a death certificate and a permit for transporting human remains are needed.A lawyer or healthcare professional who is well aware of the local rules and regulations must be consulted to ensure that proper documentation is obtained before a freezer ambulance service can be used.

Choosing a Freezer Ambulance Service in Chandigarh

When faced with the need for a freezer ambulance, consider the following factors:
Reputation and experience: Look for a reliable ambulance service operator with documented evidence of quality care and work ethics.
Fleet and capabilities: Learn about the different types of freezer ambulances this service offers and ensure they meet your specific requirements.
Area of service: Select a transport service within the designated transportation span. As trusted residents of Chandigarh, Harjeet Ambulance Services has well-maintained freezer ambulances in its fleet.
Cost transparency: Request a precise price quotation at the beginning of the trip that covers all incurred fees.
Availability: If time-sensitive, request whether they have a freezer ambulance available for immediate call.

Harjeet Ambulance Service: Committed to Dignified Transportation

Harjeet Ambulance Service empathizes with the devastation and response problems that accompany a family member's death. Our team of dedicated professionals vows to provide practical, transparent, and empathetic services during this challenging period. We are devoted to providing the quickest, easiest, and most compassionate possible services.
Our fleet of frost-laden vehicles in Chandigarh is well-maintained and fitted with the latest equipment for transferring your loved ones.

FAQs on Freezer Ambulances

1. How long can a body be stored or transported in the mortuary van under the cooling system?
A body can stay inside a freezer ambulance for a specific time, depending on the circumstances, such as the initial state of health before death and the precision of the temperature during the entire journey.
Usually, corpses can be kept in working freezer ambulances for a few days to a week. In such instances, it is critical to consult a mortuary specialist or a healthcare professional about a suitable period for your situation.
2. What are the typical expenses of applying for a freezer ambulance?
The cost of using a freezer ambulance in Chandigarh or elsewhere can vary depending on several factors, such as:
• The duration of service: The rental duration will be the crucial determinant for the price totality.
• The distance travelled: In a normal situation, transport travelling long distances usually carries higher charges.
• Additional services: While some companies provide complementary services like pre-burial makeup and suspicion, these services will incur extra costs. It's advisable to get estimates from various recognized freezer ambulance vendors in Chandigarh to compare the price offerings and any service inclusions.
3. Which papers and other documents are needed for the freezer ambulance?
Freezer ambulance paperwork regarding what is needed may differ from region to region.

• A signed copy of the same death certificate by a qualified medical doctor.
• The area officials can obtain a permit to bring human remains into the locality.
• Authorization for the deceased's transportation by the deceased person's relatives.

It is essential to contact a severe funeral director or a healthcare professional with expertise in legal procedures so that he can ensure you have all the documents in hand before using a freezer ambulance service.

Beyond the Basics: Additional Considerations for Using a Freezer Ambulance

Even though freezer ambulances' primary purpose and operational principles are widely acknowledged, addressing other particular issues unique to your situation is still essential.
Special Needs: If the deceased had specific medical conditions or, as per their religion, wanted special handling, the freezer taxi service in Chandigarh for the chosen company should be communicated clearly to them so that they will be perspicacious in accommodating the desired needs.
Emotional Support: The deployment of a freezer ambulance may cause emotional strain. Individuals should choose reliable service providers who will understand them and offer them much-needed support and advice in this trying moment.
Cultural and Religious Considerations: The funeral customs and rites of different cultures and religions may entail specific preparations and rites regarding the handling of the deceased. For this, you may talk to the freezer ambulance provider and tell them that you prefer they carry out the process carefully and respectfully.

Conclusion

Bereavement in the context of a relationship is a highly individual issue. Freezer ambulances are significant in preserving a respectful and dignified last call when logistic challenges arise, like when the transfer is over a long distance or when funeral arrangements are delayed.
Having an explicit knowledge of the reasons, utilities, legal aspects, and main features of freezer ambulances in Chandigarh, you may make wise choices and choose a service supplier in line with your requirements during the mournful moment
.Know that we'll be there when needed to help you using our fleet of cleaned and maintained freezer ambulances in Chandigarh. Their devoted staff with many years of experience in the field will see that your family member gets the dignified and decent transportation they deserve.
We hope this comprehensive guide has equipped you with the necessary knowledge to navigate the use of freezer ambulances. Should you have any further questions, don't hesitate to consult with a us or a reputable freezer ambulance service provider.

My dad(60m) abandon me and my siblings for his girlfriend and blames us children. My brother (40m) my sister (38f) and myself (26f) stoped contact with my father in 2021 our relationship has been on and off for years since my stepmom (52f) has been in the picture, she has multiple mental health issues and my dad babies her and puts her before his children in every way. They got together in 2008 when I was 10 and she stoped my dad from seeing me on his court appointed weekends that he originally fought hard for. Her excuse was he wasn’t paying enough attention and spending enough time with her because he worked on weekdays. My dad cut all contact with me November 2010 and stayed no contact with me and my brother and sister. Until 2012 when my sister got married by dad paid for her wedding and was invited and then the day of the wedding he never showed up and broke my sisters heart. Then In October 2014 I reached out to him by getting his number from my Nan ( dad’s mom ) and asked to see him. He said okay and invited me to thanksgiving the following weekend, I agreed and Informed him of all my allergies he acknowledged them and we met up thanks giving day. Everything was going okay I had met my stepbrother (26m) for the first time until dinner. My main allergy is mushrooms and there was mushrooms is basically every dish. Mushroom gravy, mushrooms in the stuffing, stuffed mushrooms, everything covered in them expect for the mash potatoes and carrots. At the time I was only 16 so I brushed it off even tho it did upset me I ended up finding out I was pregnant in the same month and informed my dad on this, we had a small relationship then and when I gave birth to my son in July 2015 I agreed that my dad could come but I’d prefer if my stepmom wasn’t there and that same day I got a message from my stepmom calling me all sorts of names she told me I wasn’t a good person and that it was rude of me to not invite her to the hospital to see my baby. I of course was very upset by this and blocked both her and my father. Fast forward to 2018 my dad had a stroke and ended up in the hospital I was informed by my Nan. Of course I was concerned he was still my dad so I got ahold of my stepmom and apologized for my actions in 2015 even tho I felt it wasn’t my fault and I went to the hospital to see my dad. For 2 weeks I ended up taking care of him from feeding him to cutting and brushing his hair to helping him learn to walk again. Thankfully he made a full recovery however my stepmom was no where in site, she never went to the hospital and was constantly “busy” even tho she was unemployed. A week after his recovery I got a message that I did nothing but use my father for money ( he would give me 5$ when I visited to get a coffee from the cafe in the hospital) and that I only saw him for my own benefit and again due to this I blocked my stepmom and dad. Meanwhile a few months later my dad was taking my sister and her 4 children to Burger King, I guess my sisters children where acting up as kids tend to do when excited and my dad was upset by this because he was on the phone with my stepmom at the time and couldn’t hear her properly and ended up getting physical with my sisters kids and my sister lost it and called her mom and took the children home. That was the last time my sister spoke to our father. Now a bit of time has passed it’s 2019 and I decide I now have a job my life’s looking good why not try and patch things up with my dad let him spend time with his grandson so I did that and my dad offered to take my son for a few hours while I cleaned up my apartment because I was struggling to keep my place clean work 12 hour shifts and get any form of sleep. My SO at the time ( same age as me ) was addicted to drugs and abusive but that’s a hole other story. Anyway while my dad had my son I guess my stepmom wasn’t happy by this and got physical with my dad which had my stepbrother who at the time lived next door to my dad call the cops. So I now get a call from police who have my child because my dad is being arrested for defending himself from my stepmom. I told my dad after this that he could be in my life but my stepmom wasn’t welcomed. She’s been nothing but issues due to this point and it keeps getting excused because of her unmedicated mental health. Well this wouldn’t do and again my dad cut me off. Fast forward to 2020 now the pandemic is happening I had multiple family members pass from Covid and decided to reconnect with my dad again. So I find out how to contact him and I have a new SO now and lives great I want my dad to meet him so we make plans and I’m pregnant with baby 2 now and me and my SO choose to get a dog my dad is talking to me daily at this point and agrees a dog is a good idea we go and pickup a bully breed dog he’s a hyper pup but well behaved for the most part and very cute. My stepmom then decided she’s coming over as well I was hesitant but agreed to see if she’s changed, she informs me how I’ve hurt her feelings by blaming her for my dad not having a good relationship with me and how she’s hurt that I don’t want her in my life when “all she’s tried to do is love me “ meanwhile in the other room my puppy is crying so I let him out of the room and he comes running to my stepmom and dad to greet them and my stepmom looses it. “ that’s a pit bull those things are monsters it’s going to eat your baby when it’s born you need to get rid of it now “ I was upset by this remark and asked her and my dad to leave. A few moments after they leave they call me and my stepmom says she’s going to take my dog and shoot it in a farmers field somewhere. I tell her never to contact me again and this was why I hated her all this time was shit like that. She ends up blocking me and so does my dad. Then in October 2021 I get a call saying my dad fell 4 stories and might not make it. I basically say I could care less and my stepmom says I’ll be in charge of paying for his funeral because he has no money anymore and she’s done with him I laughed and hung up the phone.
My dad’s fine from my knowledge and still with my stepmom, my brother and sister cut ties completely however my other family feels I should give my dad another chance.. should I?

My parents moved around a lot. Since I was 7 we had lived in 20 different places by the time I was turning 17. It was all in the general same areas/ states but very inconsistent. I started at a school my sophomore year and loved it there. I decided I wanted to graduate with these people at this school. My parents stuck it out the longest they ever had, 2 years. They decided to take a job 3 hours away my junior year and told me we were moving in 1 month, AGAIN. I of course, was really hurt (side note: my best friend had just committed suicide and I spoke at her funeral and they didn’t even show up or ask if I was okay) Instead of forcing me to go they offered to pay for half rent at a place and give me one of their cars, sign their rights to me, and than I could graduate. When I was younger it was no big deal, I didn’t get into trouble and I thought it was so nice they were allowing me to stay to graduate. As I have gotten older I realize how messed up it was. I was working full time and going to school, grocery shopping and everything as a teenager!! Taking care of an apartment and all. Never had time for extra curricular or even hang out with friends. I kept a good relationship with them for years but as times have come I realize more and more how they never actually took care of me or protected me. I was exposed to a lot of things when I was younger from their lack of care. There is a lot more than this to unpack about them but in all, I don’t really want a strong bond with them anymore…. I forgive them for the hurt they caused me but I do not forget especially because they believe they did the right thing. I want to protect myself and my values and my family. They think I live in unforgiveness and bitterness. But truthfully I think that the fact I extend grace and love to them is more than an obvious sign I have forgiven but I won’t forget and I think it’s important to acknowledge the wrong you have done, which they do not. Am i overreacting about them leaving me? Was I old enough for all that? And do you really think I should continue to put up with their nonsense?

HELP…..Am I in the wrong bc I want nothing to do with my MIL after 8 years of abuse and disrespect?
Edit to add I’ve sent him the link to this post as well
First post to Reddit so sorry if I don’t get some things right
My husband and I have three young kids we have been together 11 years (since HS).
The last 8 years have been filled with nothing but disrespect and manipulation from his mom and he refuses to see it and now wants a divorce if I can’t “keep the peace” and “get along” with his mom even after I’ve been the “bigger person” for years.
It started when I was pregnant with our first daughter. MIL kicked out my husband who was in college at the time and he refused to let me see her for free of how she would treat me after she found out I was pregnant (I was 20 he was 21) he lived with my mom and I after that. I begged him to let her and I talk bc I wanted to be on good terms.
Since then here are some of the major points that has led me to be done

• Brought uninvited guests to our small elopement knowing we said they were not invited she threw a fit and the day of brought them anyways and told me on the day of our elopement it was like her funeral

-told me she doesn’t have to have my trust to watch our baby, that I have to respect her but she isn’t my friend and doesn’t owe me any respect (I have this in text)
-went behind my husband and my back when we ask her not to do things when she was trusted to watch our children (such as not to give them sugar for XYZ reasons) sent them out when we got there with popsicles
-told at least 4 extended family members I have “mental health issues” for setting boundaries
-came over with strep throat to meet our newborn and we didn’t find out till later bc one of my BIL told us
-our 5 year old came up to me crying asking why grandma was saying bad things about me when she was at their house that day. So she talked bad about me to my young child

• when our 3 week old was in the hospital for a high fever i desperately messaged her for advice since i was in the hospital she was an er nurse at, she REFUSED to message me back but would message my husband (who wasn’t even in the hospital with me so he wasn’t sure what was happening as much)

-has told my husband that “it’s ok as long as OP doesn’t find out” about sooooo many things encouraging him to lie to me about things involving our children
-At 8 months pregnant MIL and her mom (GMIL) kicked us out of the house we were renting from GMIL giving us a week to move out (yes we had everything paid they didn’t care or help) that landed my in the hospital almost loosing my son due to the amount of stress I was under because of them no apology was ever made or acknowledged over the traumatic situation they put us in leaving us to have no house while 8 months pregnant with a toddler. (My mom took us in and my grandparents paid for the moving truck and first 6 months rent in a new place)
-when I was 1 week postpartum with our son she came to meet him, walked in washed her hands and marched over then yanked him from. My arms without even looking at me once. When he started to cry she refused to give him back triggering PPD for me. My husband said “I didn’t see it” so it I guess doesn’t matter but it was horrible for me
-last year my husband BEGGED me to give them another chance for Christmas. So I I invited them over for Christmas but respectfully said that BIL who is extremely unstable, just got out of prison for multiple felonies was not allowed at our house and told them we didn’t want him knowing we’re we lived or around our children. I made it clear I did not feel safe with him around our kids at this point anymore or our house.
This was the last olive branch I told my husband I would extend and the responses I got back are copied and pasted below
FIL RESPONSE “Wow, I guess I will make a stand and say the same goes for you. You of all people should be mindful of how people with mental issues are treated”
MIL RESPONSE
“We will not be coming over you have ruined the relationship between us and our grandchildren. You are a selfish and manipulative B*** and you are never welcome in my home again. Hope you are happy”
At this I told my husband I am done and the children and I would no longer be in contact with them. This has lasted since Christmas however MIL is now pretending she cares and “asking about me” to my husband. I have asked many times for him to not talk about me to her as in the past she has pretneded to care to say that she is sorry and then convinced my husband I’m the one who is mean since I don’t accept her many empty apologies she says things like “I asked how her surgery went so can’t she get over it”
He has a habbit of telling her my hobbies and then all the sudden she’s into the same hobbies and trying to gift me things related to that. Every time she acts up and I say enough she starts to pretend she has good intentions EVERY SINGLE TIME and my husband believes it and then I’m the B word for not wanting to fall for it again (I’ve been through it at least 5times she never has good intentions)
All I ask from him is to keep my name out of her mouth she does not have good intentions and she has had 8 years of chances.
Every time I’m told to “be the bigger person” I’m tired of being the bigger person and her manipulating him to think she will finally be nice to me.
How do I communicate that “dealing” with being treated badly is not ok and I shouldn’t have to be treated badly for years just to keep the peace he wants a divorce now because I can’t “just get along” and tolerate the treatment. That a few months and her “asking how I am” isn’t enough to fix anything and at this point I don’t want to fix it because I’ve never done anything to be treated this way and I’m TIRED. I’ve had 2 major surgeries In 3 months and I just want peace without her involved and her messing up our marriage by trying to pretend she is sorry and wants to be nice yet again
TLDR my husband wants a divorce bc I won’t “just get along” with MIL who treats me terribly for no reason.