The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

I have read all of the arguments supporting the legitimacy of Christianity and Islam. I am not here to deny these arguments nor claim that I'm certain Islam/Christianity are false, however the bottom line is when putting all of the supporting evidence together we still need to go back and ask the simple question:
"Is all of this evidence enough for me to confidently say that Judaism was indeed succeeded by Islam/Christianity - so much so that I am willing to alter my entire life because I believe so strongly about that it succeeded Judaism"
Personally, I cannot logically understand how any believers in Christianity/Islam can say this so confidently. The bottom line is that before these religions came about there seems to be no indication amongst Jews that they were expecting Judaism to be succeeded by another religion. If this was the case then they wouldn't have had any issue with Christianity and Islam since it was part of Gods plan, and they are followers of God at their core.
And I will reiterate, I understand that Christians/Muslims often point to certain verses in the Bible/Scriptures supporting their claim of succession (e.g. Isaiah 53, Deuteronomy 18, etc.), but the bottom line is that there are multiple ways to understand these verses and in particular the Jewish interpretation in defense is also just as logical as the Christian and Muslim interpretation.
If so then how can you as a Muslim or Christian be so confident about the legitimacy of your religion?
NOTE: In anticipation of people answering me that there was such and such miracle that occurred and this is overwhelming evidence for the legitimacy of Christianity/Islam I am providing below the reasons why they don't hold much weight in my eyes when attempting to answer my core question above:
1) Perfectness of Quran - I can take a children's book and explain it in a way that logically sounds like its a perfect text straight from Gods mouth. (anything in this world can be flipped on its head to sound logical)
2) Miracles Performed - Personally I assign a believability score to information based on the number people claiming to have seen something firsthand (e.g. I often don't assign a high believability score to news events even if many people are echoing/repeating the news, so long that the source of the initial news was from a single reportejournalist). There is basis to claim that the source of the news for some of the miracles was a single source. Putting that aside though, even if Jesus/Mohammed did perform miracles I still think its a fairly big jump to say that they can now be believed in their claims of a successor religion given that the Torah outlines very clearly that performing miracles does not give one the credibility to change the Torah. Although one can argue the text should be interpreted differently nevertheless going back to what I mentioned earlier, the Jewish interpretation is also logical.

okay so. I’ve been using subliminals since the end of 2022. First I used a symmetry sub for my eyes and it worked perfect, but now im very insecure of my long and sharp chin lately (since a year ca.) i hate myself every single day and have mental breakdowns because of my looks, i even think abt suicide every day because i feel like i’d only enjoy life if i was pretty. im using short face and chin subliminals, but i still feel like a freak every day and i’ve been using them for 2 months. no results. Please suggest anything. therapy is not an option for me, because even if it fixed my mental health, i know i wouldnt feel pretty, only if i changed my whole facial structure. I know this is a lot of negativity to spread especially on this sub but i reallly need help and i dont really use reddit except this sub🥹🥹🥹any suggestion is welcomed🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

So me and my DM came up with this secret organization in his homebrew world that’s basically just SCP for my characters backstory. We broke it down into categories based on the suits of playing cards, everyone who is recruited is turned into a shadeborn (a shade basically), my characters objective is to go out and collect powerful magic items and store them safely so no one can abuse its power. Long story short we need a name for the organization!

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Hi all. Hoping someone can help. When loading my site in MacOS Safari (17.2.1), the effects/animations lag significantly (See video here: https://www.awesomescreenshot.com/video/27645048?key=972a1218c82f2cc54db2981410d418a9 — and overall, site-wide effects look bad compared to Chrome — like the frame rate is lower. For context, all effects in the hero are triggered on 'Appear' to slide in from bottom with the following settings: Stiffness 150; Damping 30; Mass 1; Bezier 0.44, 0, 0.56, 1; Time .6; Ease in and out; And delays of .1, .2, .3, .4, and .5 for each of the 5 layers. When I load in a private window, the load effects don't have the same major lag, but the effects are still generally choppy as described above. Have cleared cache, etc., to try to remedy the issue to no avail. Any ideas what might be going on? Have tried searching around but haven't found much to go on. Here's a link to the site https://workmode.fyi — would appreciate if you'd lmk if you can replicate the same issues. Thank you! 🙏

Hi tomato lovers. When growing dwarf variety tomatoes from the dwaft tomato project like Rosella Purple (so typically still indeterminate plants but which remain small while keeping cropping), do you tend to prune at all? I'm in the UK and I prune my large indeterminate plants (e.g. sungold) to one stem and top them in mid/late summer because otherwise they won't live long enough to develop any of the subsequent flowers into fruit. However, I've never grown any dwarf varieties before so I'm unsure whether to prune or not.
Also, does anyone have any advice on spacing for dwarf tomatoes when planted in the ground? And lastly, any advice on suitable container size when for when also growing dwarf varieties but in a container? I have too many seedlings for my greenhouses so I'm going to try some outside in the ground and some in containers inside and outside too. Anything outside usually gets blight though.
Thanks.

QYResearch released the latest report Global E-cigarette Market Outlook: 2024-2030 that presents a grand panorama of a thriving e-cigarette market. In the coming years, the e-cigarette market is projected to continue its robust growth trajectory at a steady annual rate of 8.7%. By 2030, its size is expected to soar to a remarkable $44.87 billion, showcasing the thriving potential and boundless business opportunities in the e-cigarette industry. The research data reveals the competitive landscape of the global e-cigarette market in 2023. In 2023, those top ten e-cigarette manufacturers collectively hold a significant share of 43.0% in the global e-cigarette market. Among them, these renowned brands include British American Tobacco, ELFBAR, Altria (Juul Labs), SKE Crystal, Imperial Tobacco, RELX, Japan Tobacco, MOTI, Boulder, and Smoore International, etc. The following chart illustrates the specific percentage of each global leading market share:
In 2024, which e-cigarette brand will make it to the list, and which one will drop off?
SMOANT and ANTBAR, two best vape brands with a decade-long history in e-cigarette research, production, and sales, which have a great potential and change to catch attention and make the ranking!
In terms of the division of the global e-cigarette market based on QYResearch’s research data, the offline channels have become the main driver of demand, accounting for approximately 82.8% of the market share indicating the core position and significant influence of offline channels in e-cigarette sales.

I have read all of the arguments supporting the legitimacy of Christianity and Islam. I am not here to deny these arguments nor claim that I'm certain Islam/Christianity are false, however the bottom line is when putting all of the supporting evidence together we still need to go back and ask the simple question:
"Is all of this evidence enough for me to confidently say that Judaism was indeed succeeded by Islam/Christianity - so much so that I am willing to alter my entire life because I believe so strongly about that it succeeded Judaism"
Personally, I cannot logically understand how any believers in Christianity/Islam can say this so confidently. The bottom line is that before these religions came about there seems to be no indication amongst Jews that they were expecting Judaism to be succeeded by another religion. If this was the case then they wouldn't have had any issue with Christianity and Islam since it was part of Gods plan, and they are followers of God at their core.
And I will reiterate, I understand that Christians/Muslims often point to certain verses in the Bible/Scriptures supporting their claim of succession (e.g. Isaiah 53, Deuteronomy 18, etc.), but the bottom line is that there are multiple ways to understand these verses and in particular the Jewish interpretation in defense is also just as logical as the Christian and Muslim interpretation.
If so then how can you as a Muslim or Christian be so confident about the legitimacy of your religion?
NOTE: In anticipation of people answering me that there was such and such miracle that occurred and this is overwhelming evidence for the legitimacy of Christianity/Islam I am providing below the reasons why they don't hold much weight in my eyes when attempting to answer my core question above:
1) Perfectness of Quran - I can take a children's book and explain it in a way that logically sounds like its a perfect text straight from Gods mouth. (anything in this world can be flipped on its head to sound logical)
2) Miracles Performed - Personally I assign a believability score to information based on the number people claiming to have seen something firsthand (e.g. I often don't assign a high believability score to news events even if many people are echoing/repeating the news, so long that the source of the initial news was from a single reportejournalist). There is basis to claim that the source of the news for some of the miracles was a single source. Putting that aside though, even if Jesus/Mohammed did perform miracles I still think its a fairly big jump to say that they can now be believed in their claims of a successor religion given that the Torah outlines very clearly that performing miracles does not give one the credibility to change the Torah. Although one can argue the text should be interpreted differently nevertheless going back to what I mentioned earlier, the Jewish interpretation is also logical.

Part 1
I ended up buying a house at the edge of this town.... before i knew all the bullshit that was goin' on around here. Got bored and went down to the local sheriff Jack and asked about an opening, Didn't even fill out an application, got the job on the spot. For the first few months it was the usual, speeding tickets, drunk and disorderly, normal shit right? Well... let the fuckery commence....
I had been a deputy for 7 months when one of the local farmers called in and reported he had some animals killed last night and wanted someone to come out to his house. John Nixon was a 60 year old farmer who lived by himself. His wife passed away years ago, but he never remarried and they never had kids. We met one day at the local tackle shop. Me being new in town, he took me to some of the good fishin' spots. The man was a huge military history buff and would always ask about my time in. I thought I knew him personally, so i took the call.
As I rolled up to the gate on his property, I saw John standing at the gate with a shotgun. " Hey john, can I ask why you are standing there with that cannon in your hands?" No response, he just stared at me. "John! put that damn shotgun down!!" I yelled. Its like he snapped to out of a trance. "Mason, i need you to come round the back side of the house to the barn, now!" he snapped.
"OK, OK, let me get outta the car and grab some gear." I said opening the car door. While i was grabbing my gear, John was standing there with his eyes scanning the tree line. "Come on mason! you need to see this!" He said heading towards the back. I closed the trunk and started walking over in his direction.
"So what the hell is going on that's got you walking around here with that damn bazooka?" No response, he just keeps walking and scanning the tree line. We finally got to the back of his house where the barn is. It looked like a horror movie in that pen.
"What the fuck happened here!?!" I said covering my mouth. There were pieces of chickens and goats everywhere, a few pigs looked like they had been filleted. "Its back mason, after all these years" John mumbled. "John what the hell are you talking about? what did this?" I asked.
John took his eyes off the tree line and looked me dead in the face. "Your not from here so you dont know." "Know what man? what are you saying?" I asked getting annoyed now. "Years ago this same thing happened to a few guys I know. All of their livestock had been killed. Not killed and eatin', just killed. It got people 'round here up in arms. Well, a few of us got together and decieded we were gonna look for whatever did it" he said. "What the hell are you telling me john?" I interrupted. "There were four of us. We were young, thought we were bullet proof. We went out into the woods one morning, determined to find the damn thing that had been killing our animals.
Tommy was the first to say something. "Hey, did you guys hear that?". The rest of us didnt hear a thing, so we kept moving. We got about three miles deep into the old pine forest at the edge of town. Will was the next to say something, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" he yelled out while looking down at the mud. We ran over to where he was standing to find him wide eyed. "I dont know what the actual fuck did this, but we..we need to go and I mean right fucking now!!!" he said pointing. This track was huge, at least 14 inches long with huge claws. Gerald spoke up "Let's fuckin' go guys!!".
We started back tracking out of the area, when we were stopped cold in our tracks, we all heard it this time. It was coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same damn time. A sickening, shrieking laugh was coming from all around us. We panicked and starting runnin'. As soon as we did that, whatever was making that noise centered as if right behind us, and it was coming fast, ungodly fast" John said eyeing the remains of a chicken that was torn apart.
"We were about a mile from the trucks when I heard a thud and a scream, when i looked back Gerald wasn't there. Will and tommy were right behind me, terror all over their faces. Tommy pulled his pistol and started shooting backwards. Only one shot rang out before something tackled him and Will. I stopped, raising my rifle, but they had already been torn apart. It was seconds, and they were in shreds" John said.
"Mason, what i saw standing over their shredded bodies has haunted me since then. The fucking thing was nine feet tall, shaped like a man, but not. Its skin, or or scales was a mixture of black and grey and it looked slimy. It looked like a damn bodybuilder with hugh claw like hands. Its head was massive, with what looked like horns coming from the jaw to around the chin. Its eyes, glowed bright green in the middle of the fucking day, and it had a mouth full of fucked up jagged teeth." He said lowering his head.
"I jus.. just stood there, waitng for my turn. This thing paced back and fourth, staring at me, with this creepy damn smile. It looked down at Will and Tommy, then it looked back up at me. My heart almost stopped when it pointed and shook its head at me. It started making that shrieking laugh as it grabbed what was left of my friends in each giant claw and walked off into the woods, still fucking laughing. I fell to my knees as it vanished into the trees."
I stood there, thinking he lost his damn mind. John had stopped talking, he had this way off look in his eyes. "John..., john.., JOHN!!" his eyes snapped back to mine. "So what are you telling me? A nine foot creature with claws killed your friends and animals?!" I half mocked. "Yea.... thats what i'm telling you. Its back for me, i know it." "What makes you think it was this thing you say killed your friends? It could have been coyotes" I asked " I know mason, i heard that same horrible shrieking laugh in the woods behind the barn last night."
Now I’ve heard some real bullshit in my time, especially during my time in the contracting field... But this was the most out there shit I had ever heard.
"Alright, alright... let's just take a big ass step backwards. I need to wrap my head around all of this." I said takin a deep breath. John laid the shotgun down to his side. "I'm telling you the truth mason. i'm too old and tired to lie about shit" he said shrugging. I looked deep into this man’s eyes. When I did, I saw something that told me this was the absolute truth as he knew it. " You haven’t given me any reason to doubt you... but fuck man... this is hard to swallow. I need proof John, that's the way this works." A look of frustration washed over his weathered face.
"Proof?! you want proof huh? follow me" John groaned.
He started walking towards the tress behind the barn. As we got closer to the trees, I started to smell rusty copper. Blood I thought out loud. John raised his shotgun as we walked closer. That damn gun had to be illegal, but this wasn’t the time for that. Him raising that gun made me a lil' uneasy, so I pulled my Glock 9mm out and flipped the safety off.
John owned about 90 acres, most of it unkept. A lot of the land was behind the barn which butted up to a state forest. We took about 12 steps into the wood line when the smell of death hit me like a brick. "I'm taking you to where I heard the noise coming from last night... your PROOF is out there Mason" He said with a slight edge to it.
We walked almost a hundred yards into the woods when john stopped in front of a tree. It looked twisted and warped all the way to its top. I stepped around John and saw huge claw marks cut deep all the way around the base of the tree, it's hard to even call it that. "What the hell is this?" I said looking up. "This is a marker, it's territory starts here" John replied. I looked at john like he was crazy, which at this point I thought he was. "This thing travels throughout these woods. I've found five more of these trees in our town" he said putting a hand on the tree.
"This isn’t telling me anything John, just that you've got a weird ass tree on your property" I said back to him. "Do you hear that?" So we could move this mess forward, I stopped talking and just listened. I hadn't noticed that during our walk into the woods it had got quiet, and I mean not one sound. " What the hell? where did all the animals go?" I asked looking around. "They're scared mason... you should be too. Let's get back to the house."
We turned and started making our way out of the woods. We were damn near the tree line when I heard a snap. I turned around, gun raised to see a black streak dart back deeper into the woods. "What the fuck was that?!" All John said was "we need to leave, now!" We turned and started sprinting the rest of the way out of the woods. I was surprised at how fast john was for an old man. We got all the way back to my patrol car. "I don't know what that was, but I don't think you should stay here tonight John. Pack some stuff and come to my place" I said pointing my gun at the trees. John just let out a sigh as if frustrated and defeated.
"You weren't listenin'. The pine forest, these trees, it’s all connected. I’m talkin’ bout before this area was even inhabited by native peoples. This fucking thing has been around for a very long time. I have been looking into this since that day, I had to find out what it was and if it can be killed" he tried to explain. The whole time john was talking I had my eyes and weapon pointed at the trees. " You can put that down mason, it just wanted you to know it's here" He said.
"John, I to need process this shit. I've never seen or heard anything like this and to be straight with you, I’m at a loss right now" I said opening the trunk. "I get it, I get it. The sheriff jack was a deputy back then. When you see him... tell him I said the dark is here..." And with that, he just turned his back and walked back into his house not saying another word.
I got back in the car and sat there. Looking at the treeline. After a few minutes I went back to the station. I must've walked in with that universal what the fuck look on my face, because Cathy the clerk asked what was wrong with me. I told her I was fine and asked if she had seen the sheriff? "Yeah, he is in the gun cage. Are you sure you’re ok Mason?" She asked again.
"Yeah, I'm good, just need to talk to Jack." I started walking towards the back of the building, when Jack came around the corner. "Hey mason, what's up?" he says walking up to me. "I just got back from John's house." The look on his face completely changed. "He had a bunch of animals killed last night. It looked like a slaughterhouse. He told me to tell you the dark was back?" I told him noticing his reaction.
Jack stiffened up and not saying a word gestured for me to follow him towards the back security door. We headed towards the back and out the door. Jack had stopped to make sure the door was secure then pointed at his truck and said "get in."
After getting in he looked over "I need some coffee" then started the truck up and headed west out of the parking lot towards the coffee shop. He ordered a large black coffee with extra sugar then asked if I wanted one. "I'll take a small black, no sugar." We pulled out and headed east back past the station. We ended up driving towards the edge of the county. "What's going on and why are we heading way the hell out here?" I looked at jack and said.
Jack just took a long sip of his coffee then placed it back in the holder.
After a long breath "You want some answers about what happened at Johns' house... I’m sure he told you about a few other things about this town... well we're gonna go get you some answers" He said looking at a black sedan passing in the opposite direction. "Aight so, like you mason, I’m not from here either. I was a trooper in New York for a few years before I came down here. I resigned after a call to an old couple’s house" He said reaching for his cup. "My partner Jake and I responded to what was thought to be an animal attack. We were the first on the scene, having been a couple miles away lookin' for speeders.
When we rolled up an older woman came running over to the cruiser. She had a panicked look on her face and just kept repeating "they're dead, they're dead!!" We hopped out and sat her in the back of the car then asked what happened. "I...I... came over to talk to gloria and... and I saw the door open. I walked in yelling her and Alan’s name, but they didn't answer... I found them upstairs... it's horrible!!" She said sobbing. Jake and I drew our weapons and started making the move inside. Like the witness said the front door was open, so we moved in. It smelled like sulfur and blood when we entered. We started clearing rooms. The first floor was clear, so we made our way up the steps.
The smell was overpowering now. We cleared the bathroom, and the two smaller rooms were clear also. The door to the master bedroom was slightly opened. I motioned to Jake and we hit the door.... it looked like some movie shit!! I kid you not. Jake turned and went back into the hallway and threw up. I stepped into the room and... listen I had never seen anything like this before" Jack stammered out.
"These two people were in shreds on the bed, they're insides had been yanked out and thrown around the fucking room. After looking at the bodies I noticed these huge claw marks in the wall, I’m talking if Andre the giant had had a Krueger glove. I stepped back out of the room and radioed to dispatch that we needed more units. I walked back to the front door where Jake was standing hunched over looking out of it.
Parked outside were 3 black SUVs and a black sedan. I counted 11 men dressed in black tactical military gear, some with a type of rifle I had never seen before, but you could tell it was large caliber. The rest with SMG weapons. When i looked over towards the patrol car, one of the men had the door opened and was talking to the witness. He saw us and started our way. He was dressed in all black too and carried what looked like a desert eagle in a chest holster.
When he got closer I got a better look at him. He looked to be in his late 40's with salt and pepper colored hair and a big ass scar that ran down the right side of his face. He got about ten feet from the steps "We appreciate the assistance, but you are no longer needed" He said in deep voice. As he is saying this, one of the other guys escorts the witness out of our car and into the back of that sedan.
The guy started walking away from us "Who are you? and what the fuck is going on?" I yelled at him. He turned with a look on his face that you only see in movies then took a few steps towards us. "Your command has been informed and you are to leave now!" He said raising his hand up towards that holstered pistol. Jake looked at me and shook his head "fuck it, let's go, let them deal with that mess upstairs" he said still coughing then started heading towards the car. I followed him down the steps... looking this guy up and down, checking out the vehicles... for anything that might tell me who we were dealing with.
The only thing I saw was on the assholes uniform... there was a patch on his shoulder. It was an all-black diamond with a weird looking black M in the middle on it. The guy stared us down until we were in the car driving away. He had that pistol in his hand and the other men starting moving into the house. Jake and I didn’t say a word until the radio squawked and we were told to head back to the barracks.
When we got there, we were told to report to the troop commander’s office. Commander Thompson was sitting in his office along with a man in a nice 2-piece suit. The man in the suit stood there quietly while Thompson told us that we never responded to any call out to that farmhouse, and that this was the first and only time he would say it. With that, he dismissed us and and we walked out. The shit didn’t sit well with me, and I ended up resigning a few months later.
I came down here and then that shit in the woods happened. I was on the scene, I saw the claw marks. They looked just like the ones in New York, and the same damn trucks showed up with different personnel. I knew just to shut up and walk away, and after making that choice I have had a pretty good career here." he finished grabbing his cup out of the holder.
My brain was in overdrive. I was just about to completely question bomb jack when he said, "We're here." He pulled off onto this overgrown driveway and drove for about a quarter mile. We pulled up to an old two-story house that looked like it was in ruins... but the lights were on. "Where the hell are we?" I asked As the last word of that question left my mouth, the front door of the house opened... standing in the doorway was a old man, dressed in weathered black clothing. Jack leaned over to me "You wanted answers... well.... there they are."

I noticed there had been a lot more doom and gloom, woe-is-me posts here lately. I still remembered just a month ago, there were just repeating posts of "Am I a starseed?" Over and over again. I stopped paying attention after that because pointless repetition annoys me, though this definitely caught my attention.
I'm usually very attuned to the Other Places; I can easily get visions of otherworldly environments or a place I and my nonphysical companions visit as my Power Place, or see patterns all whenever I close my eyes and focus. I could astral project easily and visit these places and friends. Though I noticed that ever since the start of May, it's gotten harder for me to get these visions. When I close my eyes, I see only darkness or faint visions, even when I consciously try to see what I wanted. Astral projecting had also become difficult. Though during a recent nap, one of my companions managed to get my attention. Though I couldn't maintain a connection with her for long, I think she told me that there's some kind of disruption going on between us that's gradually lifting. I also heard a name spoken during my half-asleep state. "Abel of (something)". I couldn't remember what that something was while I'm typing this. I wish I could, because the name 'Abel' was heard from a Warhammer game I played a short while before. I know that the real Abel's a big figure in biblical stories.
Had anyone else noticed this disruption? And is it lifting?

Hey, I'm looking for a good barber in beirut, preferably around ashrafieh, who's more modern than old school and does what you ask not what he wants.
I know it's no longer trendy, but I wanna try a mullet-style haircut that's short on the sides and longer in the back and top, and my current barber doesn't do that style. Any recommendations are appreciated.
Also, I asked a guy with a similar hairstyle to what I want once about his barber and he said london base broumana, which is far to me, but i found a london base branch in jbeil - are they a known chain? Do you recommend?

So here’s the thing: I am working as aASP.NET core web API support developer (like I will be fixing any issues or debugging when senior developers are busy or ooo from almost 2 years), and now the client has hired a mobile team for migrating Xamarin. Forms app to MAUI, and they are mainly focusing on this for now as their top priority, so I have been having some free time, like I will have about 3–4 hours of work and then just calls on a daily basis. So my manager reached out to me and asked me to give an estimate of how long it will take for me to learn MAUI (not fully, though, like to make UI changes in orientation, color, etc., which developers might not waste their time on these small changes), so I have no experience in MAUI/XAML/XML and have never worked before, but this is looking like a very good opportunity for me to just transition from support to developer role. So can any experienced developers please help me with the roadmap, and how long will it take to master the basics and start working on UI? Thanks.

I hate to be a picky bitch, but if the options are push content, or fix the game? Y'all need more people, or something. I say that from a place of love. Im a lvl 60+ on both hd1 and 2. The lore is amazing and this games roll out of it is top notch
But, We deserve both. I get it that delays happened, but c'mon man. Delaying updates that make the game better should never be on the table. Especially when this latest warbond was nothing special, and the ice armor did nothing for you on ice. Useless reskins. That's all we're getting it seems like.
Just looking at it, it feels like it's just a struggle to get a weekly patch that addresses some of the problems that may have been caused by a previous patch. Some of the known issues have been there for a very long time.
I don't know what the bottle neck is with tweaking this game, but it's clear there is one somewhere. It might be a few more months before this game is stable by this pace. And just that should not be that big of an expectation this long after launch.
Give us weapon upgrades, customization, something. Power up the primaries and let us get comically good at killing shit.

So here’s the thing: I am working as aASP.NET core web API support developer (like I will be fixing any issues or debugging when senior developers are busy or ooo from almost 2 years), and now the client has hired a mobile team for migrating Xamarin. Forms app to MAUI, and they are mainly focusing on this for now as their top priority, so I have been having some free time, like I will have about 3–4 hours of work and then just calls on a daily basis. So my manager reached out to me and asked me to give an estimate of how long it will take for me to learn MAUI (not fully, though, like to make UI changes in orientation, color, etc., which developers might not waste their time on these small changes), so I have no experience in MAUI/XAML/XML and have never worked before, but this is looking like a very good opportunity for me to just transition from support to developer role. So can any experienced developers please help me with the roadmap, and how long will it take to master the basics and start working on UI? Thanks.

1. Combo Abuse

This is a large part of the reason why sunglow and brazil are so commonly farmed. By making a map relatively easy for the first 90% of combo, and then having a really big spike, you can get high combo (and therefore a low penalty) without being anywhere near the skill to FC. Of the 15 1ks on Brazil [Fiery's Extreme] only one is an FC, and the rest just hit the filler beforehand and got a decent misscount on the spike. You can try this yourself - get a long stream practice map and add a 20* diffspike at the end, then play with NF. The opposite of this also applies, maps like To the Terminus have significantly less PP plays on them because the spike is in the middle, so people can't get large combos for more PP.

2. 'But Nerves'

PP does not account for nerves, and it shouldn't. I become far more nervous if a play is my new top play, or is breaking a milestone. For top players, iconic scores like first FCs may increase nerves as well. To account for that, should those plays be buffed? If PP doesn't get buffed for nerves, why should a play get nerfed because it lacks them.
Even if we did want to account for nerves in PP, combo is a poor measure. If a map is consistent difficulty or has a spike near the beginning of the map, you will be nervous for a greater duration than if a map spikes in the ending. PP has no idea where you got your combo, or where you missed, so it can't measure these factors.

3. 'Combo makes osu! special'

This is the most nebulous argument against combo scaling removal. The thing that makes osu! different to other rhythm games is different to everybody - in my eyes combo isn't at all part of this, and rather the aim mechanics and community make osu different to other games. People will disagree, and it's perfectly valid to view different parts of the game as more important than others.
However, this line of thinking doesn't belong in PP. The goal of PP is to measure the skill required for a play, and including how 'special' a play is distorts this. People view freedom dive hdhr as a more special score than something like nippon manju, but that doesn't mean it should be worth anywhere near as much PP. This was one of the fundamental flaws of ppv1 - it considered the context of a score, even though it had no effect on how hard the score was to set.

4. An entire avenue of play is worthless

Currently, the only maps you can play for PP are those that you can FC or obtain a high combo. Playing anything near your skillcap gives effectively zero PP - scores like walk this way 3mod and under kids currently give 4 digit amounts of PP, despite being completely unreachable for all 4 digits. If you view PP as a measure of skill, then these plays are some of the most underweight in the entire game, only beaten by higher misscount scores (which are still underweight in current combo scaling removal but become fixable).

I've got a moderately sized base producing 1K SPM, and I'd like to move it to 2K SPM and beyond. However, I'm a bit worried about the lag this would induce, as I'd really like to stay at 60 FPS. Looking at the entity time for my base, I can already see some problems.
If I'm interpreting this correctly, the 'total' at the top is the number of milliseconds it takes to do an update, and that needs to be less than 1000/60 (or ~16.7) to maintain 60 FPS, and it should probably have a bit of a safety margin to keep things smooth. At ~9ms, I'm already using 54% my budget with only 1K SPM, which is not a good sign. However, I can see ways to reduce several of the things here, namely the time spent on 'Inserter', 'AssemblingMachine', and even 'MiningDrill'. Those three account for nearly half of the update time, so optimizing them should really pay off.
But the elephant in the room remains, the cryptically named 'Unit', accounting for about as much time as my (currently very inefficient use of) inserters. According to the wiki, "This is biters and spitters. Removing biters and spitters will remove this cost." However, removing biters and spawners (and might as well remove pollution at that point) removes too many gameplay mechanics for my taste, so that's not on the table. Instead, I'd like to look for ways to reduce that without removing enemies and pollution entirely.
I also suspect the wiki is incomplete here, in that I assume having more turrets also increases this 'Unit' cost, if indirectly. I.e., the turrets themselves don't take up time, but each enemy has to check if it's within range of each turret, thus the turrets are indirectly adding time to the 'Unit' cost. I currently have ~11K laser turrets to defend my perimeter, so surely there must be some performance cost to those in there somewhere.
So I looked into optimizing defenses, and stumbled across this post, which has some very interesting information in it. The tl;dr is that if you can keep your pollution cloud within artillery range, you won't aggro biters, and thus the only encounters you'll have with them is when they attempt the "Enemy Expansion" to make a new nest. These groups are much smaller than the waves I currently have incessantly attacking my base, and then they should attack the artillery that destroyed them, so you only have to defend your artillery points and otherwise don't need defenses.
The catch here is that the only way I can see of controlling the pollution cloud is to use efficiency modules for their massive reduction to pollution, both in the machine itself, and the extreme reduction in power consumption resulting in less pollution from my nuclear plants. (Yes, I'm aware that most megabasers use and rave about solar being the most UPS efficient, but I suspect they have biters & pollution off, so that's not really applicable to my situation.) I also wouldn't need nearly as many laser turrets either, which I think would further reduce my update time.
The only obvious downside is the loss of productivity, meaning I need more assemblers at the bottom of the production chain, but with each and every assembler working faster (as they won't have the speed penalty from productivity modules), I'm not sure it will be as bad as it seems. So, does converting to efficiency modules ultimately make sense?
p.s. - I've also heard fluid simulation in pipes is brutal to UPS, but where is that shown here? Yes, there is 'Pump' and 'OffshorePump', but what about the pipes themselves?

GM HEGE FAM.
It’s May 14th here in Europe and you deserve your daily update.
MARKET: I’ll describe the last 24h like this: “Strap in and welcome to the whale wars.” As well as Roaring Kitty Short Squeezing memecoin liquidity.
OLLIE’S TA CORNER: On the 4H we clearly have a very strong support level that keeps getting bought up at 3m. We've got a downward trendline which we want to be targeting to break to be able to push towards 5m. On the daily timeframe we're still looking good with our higher highs and higher lows structure intact. We're still pulling away from this current higher low so today could be when we see a nice green candle to start confirming the bottom is in.
DEVELOPMENTS:
*new team roles assigned
*DEV rolled out a bunch of new memes and gifs yesterday. use them.
*MsBu got jeeters jeeting and got back in with a 69 SOL buy
*we caught ourselves a new whale in the past 48h
*CEX wallet has 16 SOL as of now. Slowly getting ready for that day to come.
*yesterdays chat performance was off the charts. Keep it up-
NUMBERS in 24h (as of writing):
Holders: 4610 > 4583
TG: 3288 > 3281
COMMENT OF THE DAY:
u/ToniHaywire “It amazes me that in every community I'm a part of Americans have a bad rep for jeeting"
COMMITMENT OF THE DAY:
u/JoeElkadi “HEGE TO 10 M AT 24/05/2024”
u/kmoc1984 / Clover’s Dad “I will send you 4206.9 Hege if that hits.”
Thanks for reading. Have a very hegy day!

Hi there,
I’m on my second day of being unemployed, and the peace I’ve felt in the last day and a half is unmatched.
I recently made the tough call to quit my job in administration. There were a number of factors that led to that decision. Despite voicing concerns around workload distribution, nothing changed. By the time I left, the numbers showed a glaring 85/15 workload split between myself and my coworker despite having identical job descriptions. Add in the constant firefighting fuelled by general disorganisation and isolation in the office due to a coworkers extreme flexible hours, and it became clear to me that I had to leave.
I know many people will deem this move ridiculous, irresponsible, and even extremely privileged, and maybe there’s some truth to that. But honestly, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to see my next step from within that environment, and I’m confident in my decision and proud of myself for knowing when to walk away.
Thankfully, I’m in the very lucky position to be able to sustain myself financially for at least 6 weeks, and I know that if needs be, I’ll work anywhere temporarily because I value hard work and understand the reality of making ends meet. But staying where I was just didn’t feel like an option.
Anyways, the point of this post is that I’ve completely rediscovered the headspace I didn’t know I was missing over the last couple of days. Don’t get me wrong; I’m very much a results-driven person and I enjoy being productive, so I know this hiatus won’t be sustainable or practical in the long run.
Still, I’ve been sticking to my regular 9-5 routine, waking early, eating better, getting my housework done, updating my CV and LinkedIn, wrapping up a data analytics course I’m doing, and tackling tasks that I’ve procrastinated for ages - like cleaning my car. And to top it all off, for the first time in a long time, I’ve been sleeping soundly without sleep aids.
All of this is to say what kind of scam are we living in that we’re trading over half of our waking hours for the means to survive? No wonder anxiety and stress are sky-high. No wonder people get sick.
Maybe I just needed this breather, but I can’t help but feel that we really just aren’t built for the world the way it is - or at least I’m not. I’m actually achieving about as much as I would at work, but the day feels calmer, less chaotic. And at the end of the day, I can say I’ve done something that adds value to my life.
With a bit of luck, I’ll be back in the workforce in the coming weeks. But for now, I’m just relishing the quiet, the freedom, and the sense of accomplishment and peace that comes from doing things on my own terms.
Have a nice day!