Hedge fund strategies will always do better. How will you beat them? Why don’t you just become a hedge fund?

Hedge fund strategies will always do better on a risk-adjusted basis. We have no intention of beating them. We provide our users with high-returns that they understand. Our users don’t care about risk-adjusted returns, and that’s why they don’t care about high-return mutual funds, they want high returns they understand.

What if this crypto insider sees what you are doing and wants to do a Pump-And-Dump?

Pump and dumps are possible when you have market power. Tokens that can be manipulated through pump-and-dump schemes, such as tokens with a low market cap or concentrated ownership, are systematically excluded from tokens our users can hold.
Protections:

• Low market cap tokens are excluded. Coins must be established to be traded.
• Tokens with heavily concentrated ownership are excluded
• Tracked insiders must have a diversified and active portfolio to qualify for our tracking - nobody who owns 90% coin A is considered.
• Caps are placed on the amount of money that can be placed into any individual whale, varying based on the market power of the whale itself.
• Daily/Weekly rebalancing doesn’t allow for fast-paced pump and dumps, which you want as a pump and dumper, because the bigger the market cap, the more volatile the token is and the more likely you are to lose money on your pump and dump.
• Coins go through an additional approval process via CoinGecko, the largest provider of crypto financial data (if we can’t get data on them through CoinGecko, they haven’t been approved and passed basic security checks).

If the insider owns 25% BTC, 25% ETH, and 25% Pump and Dumpable Coin A, our user's portfolio would have 50% BTC and 50% ETH.

Crypto insiders move the market. You will always be buying at a worse price, will you not?

If the crypto insider has market power (which isn’t the case usually with the ones we track), yes, but it still doesn’t matter. Gains from the crypto insiders we track are made by knowing when to buy and sell tokens based on market conditions, not in a high-frequency manner. You’ll see different tokens skyrocket in value days / weeks / months after an insider purchases them. They will probably come in at a slightly better price and get a slightly better return (or not, since markets are volatile, and we aren’t copied that same minute), but it’s not remotely significant enough to make a large difference, as our backtests show.
Fyi, our backtests are completely accurate to our actual strategies - they aren’t testing the crypto insider’s portfolio, they’re testing what would have happened if we had copied the insider portfolio in the exact same manner as how we will execute it, including all the protections against scam tokens. The actual crypto insider returns is probably higher, but it doesn’t matter.

Is there a minimum deposit?

Yes! All users put a minimum of $100 into any crypto insider they wish to copy.

How often does avo rebalance?

Weekly, every Saturday at an unspecified time (for security, somewhat randomized)

What is the fee structure?

There is no Management cost, holding fees or gas fees. The only charge to transfer from your wallet to the holding wallet. We cover all gas fees of rebalancing transactions for users. We rebalance through UniSwap, which has an average 0.30% fee per trade. We need to make money too, so combined with UniSwap we charge exactly 0.45% of the total rebalance value.

First and foremost, this post is for both consumers and techs, but mostly for techs as I want to see your side of things! I just need some advice on what to do in this situation. Apologies as it may be a little long but your efforts are much appreciated!
So, I recently got a new heat pump installed. I recently posted here getting the opinions of a few, and made a decision on one (I will post the specs in a comment). The company that installed it is a new hvac vendor for me, as I've used a different company in the past, but switched because i liked the owner (who came out to give the estimate), and the prices a little more. I feel all of this is important to mention as part of the background story.
My dilemma with the new unit has been crazy. The new hvac company allowed me to do the uninstall and removal of the old unit, and the new setup in two separate appointments at my request, as i had some work I wanted to do in a tough to reach spot in my basement behind the unit. This is unrelated to the hvac issue, but i thought it was also important to mention that they worked with me on giving me two appts and it was very appreciated.
However, i will say i was not present for the uninstall or install but my father in law was(who is very familiar with this stuff). But, overall, the uninstall and removal went pretty flawlessly.
Here is where the actual issues start:
The install was a little messy. They left a little garbage here and there (and left some behind the unit which was just cleaned. Not a big deal but i wanted to mention). They really didn't give any info on the new thermostat, and all the manuals for it and both the ac and air handler was left in the basement. Again, not a big deal but left us with some questions.
They installed a new outlet for the condensate pump, but didn't ask about where to place it. They put it on the platform (that just holds the air handler but isn't actually fastened to anything) but so low to the ground im worried about it taking on water if it rains hard. i feel they should have cleared the location with me as its very close to normal water levels of this basement (its dirt and from 1890 and a 4 ft tall basement, it's hard to get any water control down here, but im trying).
they put the condensate pump on the ground. Idk if this is normal or not, and my last one was on the ground, but i was hoping they'd put it up higher for the same water issue.
Lastly, i feel like the overall presentation was a little sloppy. there was some open gaps in the vents as pictured, and they didn't even put the label on the outside unit? Idk.
So my question is, what should I do? Am I being too picky? I just feel like i spent a ton of money, and the finishing touches were pretty sloppy. I also have a year maintenance contract with them so i don't want to burn bridges, but i think i should give them feedback. What are the thoughts on this?

So long story sort, not sure if this is related, but last week (10 days ago) my baby girl was laying on my legs infront of the sofa. When I stood up, I stepped with all my weight on her tail. Poor thing started barking, and she was very grumpy at me for a while (I would be, too).
Fast forward to yesterday, I noticed that she couldn't sit down properly. She is taking time, and it looks like she's favouring one of her sides. She has her tail down at all times, and she is very moody. She's not the heart of the party normally, but this is an extreme, even for her.
Today, we went to the vets for her vaccines, and I asked the vet to check on her. He checked her spine and her back chicken thighs, and she looked alright until he reached the tail. That was when she squealed.
He said it's either the tail or she pulled a nerve, but poor thing can't even lay down properly. I have stuck two beds on top of each other to make it comfy for her.
I'm so scared I broke her tail and feel so guilty that I forgot she's there. :'(
I touched her legs and her tail again this evening, but she didn't react, so now I'm back at not knowing.
Do you guys have similar experiences ? And how long after did you get symptoms of pain ?
I'm not sure if the below are relevant, but:

1. her heat cycle is due. Do you think it might be discomfort from that ?
   
2. She's been running off lead, a lot the past few days, which I didn't allow her to do before.
   

Thank you for all the replies. I might be too dramatic, but it's just me and her, and I hate seeing her in pain.

Kingmaker: A Game of Thrones in Brevoy
System: Dungeons & Dragons 5e
Format: Discord Text pbp
No. of Players: 5
[Notice: This is a 18+ campaign. It contains NSFW and adult elements.]

The same message has appeared on bounty boards and in taverns across Brevoy.
HEROES WANTED!
Those able of body and brave of heart are invited to the mansion of Lady Jamandi Aldori, Swordlord & Chief Defender of Restov, to embark on an expedition into the Stolen Lands.
Bandits and monsters have been allowed to infest our southern borders for far too long. Those selected will be divided into groups and given a charter to reopen old trade routes and secure the surrounding territory. The brave-hearted mercenaries and adventurers who choose to take on this quest will face unimaginable danger, but whomever succeeds shall receive honor, glory, and a noble title granting dominion over the lands they've claimed to pass on their children.

For generations, the Stolen Lands have spanned the southern border of Brevoy. Many attempts have been made to settle them, but to date, none have succeeded, making these 35,000 square miles of wilderness the largest swath of unclaimed land in the entire region. As tensions mount in Brevoy, one ambitious swordlord hopes to change that fact.
Lady Jamandi Aldori is issuing charters to several groups of adventurers, sending them south into the Stolen Lands to reopen old trade routes and defeat the bandits and monsters who have made them too dangerous to use. By sending free agents south, this swordlord of Rostland hopes to alter the political balance of power in Brevoy without sacrificing her own position or forces. Yet, as with most complex and brilliant plans, the future holds plenty of opportunities for disaster.

"When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground."

Hello! I'm a longtime DM and a huge fan of A Song of Ice & Fire. I'm looking to run a campaign that's heavily influenced by the series I hold so dear. If you're a casual fan who's only seen Game of Thrones or House or the Dragon, you're more than welcome! The main things I'm looking for here are quality roleplay and enthusiasm. If you've got that, I promise we can have a good game together.

"Winter is coming."

Kingmaker is an Adventure Path originally designed by Paizo for the Pathfinder RPG but has been converted to be compatible with the 5th edition D&D ruleset. I'm taking so serious liberties with it but the bones of the adventure remain the same. Kingmaker is a high fantasy campaign that thrusts the player characters into a unique situation of building their own kingdom and carving out their own niche upon the world. You may be a scion of a lesser branch of the great families with ambitions that can't be hindered by your place in the succession. You could be a commoner whose witnessed your humble community suffer at the hands of the lawless bandits pillaging the countryside and will take on this great challenge so your family can live free. Perhaps you are a bastard child of a powerful figure and now seek to carve out your own kingdom knowing that you stand to inherit nothing you don't build for yourself.

"When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives."

I've got a couple of expectations for the characters that will be brought into the adventure. I am looking for characters with reasons to have a desire to venture into hostile territory and work as a team to build a kingdom. Good or evil doesn't matter but chaos doesn't serve to further the group. So, no chaotic alignment will be allowed. This is not the campaign for chaotic evil players looking to betray the other players, loners or free-spirited vagabonds.

"Backstabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight, and that's all the realm is now. Backstabbing and scheming and arse-licking and money-grubbing."

Political intrigue is a pillar of the series inspiring this and a big part of my plans, but in order to keep charisma from being everyone's primary stat I will be using a reputation system to even the playing field when dealing with individuals of consequence. In certain circles, a knight renowned for their honor and bravery is going to be as respected and influential, if not more, as a traditional face will be anywhere else. I think this will do a lot to allow the party to have a proper balance of classes with no one feeling handicapped in the social aspects.

"Let me give you some counsel, bastard. Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you."

You may have noticed the tag, and the catch is: This is an adult only game, featuring erotic roleplay where characters can engage in sexual activities with no fade-to-black, etc. Lewd events, plans, consequences, and more are all on the table in this campaign. If you've watched either of the shows on HBO, this probably isn't much of a surprise to you. I'd like to be clear that just because it's on the table, this game will not become a raunchy, never ending orgy. There is usually meaning behind how sex is used in the series and that's what I'm looking to emulate.

"Distrusting me was the wisest thing you've done since you climbed off your horse."

GRRM often uses the intimate scenes to peel back layers to a character. Sometimes to paint them in a different light, other times to drive them further into the role he wishes to present them to the reader in. Some examples would be Tyrion's lingering trauma and emotional vulnerability, driving him to purchase the closest thing he believes he can have to real love being a way to earn Tyrion the reader's sympathy. Contrast that with Cersei's narcissism making her seek lovers, she can view as idealized male versions of herself, the only match worthy in her deranged mind. Or how Littlefinger justifies his pitiless ambition, being something forced on him by a cruel and unfair world that's kept him and his one true love apart by no fault of their own.

"Love is the death of duty."

PCs are encouraged to find and nurture romantic relationships with other characters or NPCs. Weddings are considered the truest way of sealing alliances, after all. Beyond the love lives of the characters, there are many other scenarios. A corrupt noble might be willing to trade information to carry on an affair on their spouse. A sex scandal could undermine the legitimacy of a claimant in a contested succession. Barbarian raiders may attack a village under your protection and take the women as slaves. Spies might attempt to seduce you in order to secure a position in your court and feed information to a rival house. A neighboring tyrant might earn your ire when reports of him abusing his authority to take advantage of an unfortunate captive or innocent reaches you.

"The things I do for love."

Because I'm sure it needs to be said. ERP will not be my main focus while running this; it may or may not even happen on my end. I'll already be responsible for the story, so trying to match everyone's taste in smut on top of that might be biting off more than I can chew. That being said, I'm all for your characters sharing a tent during the long weeks of adventuring because I think a good amount of sexual tension adds player investment and fun to the story. While I'm not promising anything, I'm not firmly ruling things out on my end either. You all could charm your way into a few NPC's pants to loosen a secret from their lips or secure a favor down the road. You might decide to blow your coins on prostitutes while visiting the capital. If the scene serves the story (or I'm just feeling horny that day), I may indulge you! Just wanted to make sure you're aware that just because I am open to ERP does not mean I'm making a commitment to provide it to everyone, expecting all players to take part in it, or putting it ahead of the actual campaign in any capacity.

"There are no other men like me. Only me."

If it's not apparent by now, I'm very serious about making this game something great. I love the ASOIAF books; I love the adventure path; I love the cRPG, and I desperately want to do justice by all three influences. Expect a bit of gritty realism and tragedy in this story. Your triumphs will be hard fought. Your holdings will face constant peril. Your enemies will always be lurking with their knives out for the moment you drop your guard. However, the rewards for your success in this campaign are unlike any other. I truly don't think there is another adventure that matches the sense of accomplishment that comes from taking a stretch of hostile wilderness and carving your own thriving kingdom from it.

"Power resides where men believe it resides. No more and no less."

A little bit on my approach to DMing this. I plan on running this very differently from traditional D&D 5e. Combat is obviously what the system does the most of, but if you've ever watched GoT or HotD you'd see the main characters don't draw their swords all that often. In fact, a lot of the main cast never have their own fight scenes. I like this less is more approach a great deal and think it'll bring a lot to the pbp experience. Outside of encounters with a named enemy, I won't be using initiative. This is so the RP isn't held up by any individual's schedule. I'll also be utilizing the minion rule from 4e where all the monsters have 1 HP. Their AC remains the same, so if you have trouble hitting them, the danger remains but low damage rolls won't cause encounters to drag unnecessarily.

"Hard truths cut both ways."

Matching the tone of the books this campaign is inspired by will take collaboration. I want the heroes of this story to have lives that involve more than their swords and spells. If you’re just looking to roleplay a non-stop fantasy porno, this isn't the game for you. But if you are interested in writing a character who is enriched by getting to explore their desires, be influenced by lusts, make compromises out of attraction, and maybe even experience heartbreak if their trust and affection wound up in the wrong hands-- then you're exactly who I'm looking for!

"If I do not press my claim, my claim will be forgotten. I will not become a page in someone else's history book."

If you can't be bothered to respond to the RP for days at a time, I'm going to kick you out! Plain and simple. I won't be reaching out. I won't be constantly giving you reminders. There will be no stoppages for you to get your shit together. It's a big world, and I'm not going to hesitate to find someone else interested in actively participating in the adventure if you go ghost. I understand that IRL always comes first, so if you have the common courtesy to reach out and explain your circumstances that prevent you from putting together a couple paragraphs every day, then I will still be replacing you, but I will move your character out of the story for you to pick up later on when you can. If you can't manage to let me know what's going on, then I'm just going to forget about you and move right along so everyone else can continue the fun!

"I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things."

My plan to be pretty rules-light with this campaign since while I run a lot of D&D, I haven't run that many text games. I'm still confident I can handle it, but I'm just throwing it out there in case there are bumps along the road. If you're more experienced in the pbp arena than I am, I'd greatly appreciate your advice as things are coming together. We will be using dndbeyond and the standard discord bots. In my experience, these games work a lot better when the story is put above mechanics, so keeping things to PHB races and PHB/XgtE subclasses. If you're looking to do some awesome game-breaker build you've theory crafted for months. This may not be the game for it. I don't plan on meticulously tracking things to make sure you get your sentinel feat trigger each turn.

“Oh, my sweet summer child, what do you know about fear?”

Alright! That's my pitch. Sorry you had to read all that, but hopefully you're still interested and can see I don't have a problem handing out paragraphs, so this game ought to be in good hands. I look forward to reading your applications and will be leaving the form open for the next week while I work on the discord server.

“The night is dark and full of terrors.”

So that was a lot, but any of you who are still interested please don't hesitate! I'll be happy to have you and look forward to playing with you. As well as hopefully some fun debates about who we're rooting for in HotD season 2 as it airs.

“There is only one god, and His name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: 'not today'.”

The application link is down below! I'm going to leave it open for a week so folks don't miss out. I will be checking it regularly, so if I find a bunch of folks I like over the first couple days, I'll reach out to them, but I'm sure we all know how these sorts of games go. People may drop out or prove unreachable, so even if you're not someone who hears back from me immediately, we might be writing together soon!
The Stolen Lands await you!
https://forms.gle/bnmHsUt2Qmq5D1jK8

While inside the fortress, hell was breaking loose, so was it outside. Despite losing their leaders on most fronts, the pirates have successfully defeated most of the navy. The damage done to the docks, the warehouses and the training grounds left them unrepairable. What wasn’t destroyed by the invaders was washed away in the tide, risen by Ainsworth.
However, the losses on the opposite side were severe as well. The, around a hundred most skilled, pirates recruited have mostly fallen and only a handful remained. Opposing the navy’s thousands of soldiers, this was quite the result, but they haven’t survived everything yet. Along with the beam of light came scorching heat outside, killing those who remained, setting everything on fire.
The only two far away enough not to burn to death were the two who were lying outside the prison, unable to move. Due to the sheer amount of energy released, they woke up to the island around them burning. Not having any options to protect themselves they started chatting:

• I see you’re up as well. I thought you got me for a moment there. It would’ve comical to end up dead, after coming back to life once.
  
• You were impressive as well, for human scum, that is. You thought a prison warden knows nothing about war?
  
• Do you think I had any choice left? You also hate us for whatever reason, but I don’t consider myself a pirate, so I don’t hate any of you.
  
• You come to our island, make us look like amateurs, and destroy what we’ve built up throughout the past decade, and you expect me not to hate you?! It doesn’t matter whatever you think you are, that change nothing. And if you don’t consider yourself a pirate, why are you alongside them? It isn’t some kind of hobby a sane person does.
  
• I have trained the one you’ve caught. I must say he was hopeless when we’ve begun, but he has shown great progress. It’s a shame, that he wasn’t able to produce results. Bending the sea like he did was laughable. If we make it out alive, I have to give him a proper scolding.
  
• So, are you leaving them after you are done? Or will you find an excuse to tag along?
  
• If they need me, I will help them out, after all, I’ve been kicked out of that island.
  
• What island?
  
• You know the one on the north side? The one that girl of yours caught? His grandfather lives at the north from Puerto de Landrones. Oh, that’s where we got our crew from.
  
• You got a crew this strong from a navy island?
  
• You call that a navy island?! That place is full with criminals of every sort. Not that it matters, now that they are all dead. Where were we? Oh, yes. That man took me in when I was left, floating on the sea as a child. I believe the found me around the shores of Suriname, where my parents died in a storm.
  
• Where were they from? From your name and way you talk, I believe you are from the Balkan Peninsula. I had some friends from there, what annoying people.
  
• I’m from Hrvatska. It is in the Habsburg Empire. It’s been a part of Hungary for who knows how many centuries.
  
• It pains my tongue to say that word. Haven’t you known we have our own name for that?
  
• Obviously not. I’ve been living with a Japanese man and his grandson for 27 years after all. I only got to know the English name of their country when I talked to Louis during his training. You should tell me so I won’t confuse anyone else.
  
• It’s called Croatia, all right. You pirates are so dumb. Travelling around the world, not being able to tell the rest where you are from. And on top of that, how do you know to speak our language?
  
• Those two have taught me, since they’ve learnt it after they escaped their home.
  
• It makes sense. After all, they arrived from a country closed to outsiders, and the old man became one of the legendary crew. I know who you’re talking about, and I presume you know who he is as well.
  
• Shibasaki Shin, the lone survivor of the destruction of Quenn Ann’s revenge.
  
• It’s good to know we both’ve been told the same thing. Can you continue, why you would choose piracy, rather than going back?
  
• When Johnathan invited me to join, I wanted to decline, to train further, but before I could finish, Shin knocked me out and form what I’ve heard, has told the other two to never bring me back, ever.
  
• So, because that old fart kicked you out, you saw no other way, than to follow someone you’ve barely talked with, came here, slaughtered my five best men, and probably a lot more and you expect me to forgive you for it?
  
• Pretty much.
  
• I’m not obsessed with justice, like that idiotic Kane, but I can’t stand narcissists like you. Telling me you are to be forgiven for mass murder, piracy and whatnot, because you’re “not a pirate” – Ainsworth fumed – If I could stand up, I would massacre you right here.
  
• Same here. Honestly, I hope we meet sometime again. I would love to send you to the bottom of the sea, so the fish can feed on you.
  
• You shouldn’t get your hopes up. We should consider ourselves lucky, that we are alive. If my instincts are right, Kane have lost, but there is something much worse inside there.
  

After Ainsworth said this, the beam of light stopped, and the skies were cleared. But for some reason, they felt like the real battle inside was just beginning. While they were on the ground, unable to move a muscle the ones in the fortress attempted what no human has ever done: killing a god.
Check out the full story up to this point: https://www.wattpad.com/story/365789475-seas-of-change

Hello everyone!! I have a few questions about family camp and would greatly appreciate any tips with going with a 1yr old. thanks in advance.
Skip to bottom for questions.
a little bit about my LIB camp experience:
I love EDM and just music festivals all together. Been to most of the hard summers, beyond, countdown. id say I'm some what of an experienced festival goer. Plus love camping so LIB is just perfect.
Went to LIB the last 3 years it was in Bradley CA, it was not my favorite location due to the terrain and the risk of twisting an ankle while basically hiking from camp to festival. Yes, the view of the festival from the top of the hill was beautiful and the lake was nice too but i love how Buena Vista is flat and closer to home. (Coming from LA.) lost my friends at the festival on the first night and had to walk by myself back to camp..... it was an adventure.
unforgettable experience none the less.
Went again 21 and camped with friends at HIGH NOON. We got there on thursday mid afternoon. Did not wait long to get in and park to set up. It was duuuustyyyyy and then it rained on us on Friday? we lost a canopy due to the wind and most of my decorations were ruined. I was not prepared for rain and was upset in my tent waiting for it to stop. My friends entire foot with his shoe on was in the mud at our camp site. Some acts and stages were canceled because it was wet and the entire festival was moody. The rain did help with the dust though until it dried up. For sure I did not decorate anymore and just packed everything as if I was ready to leave. Entering the festival from High Noon was the best because it was right next to us and the whole section was a good vibe.
I got in the water that year..... had COVID by the time i got home and had to miss work for another 10 days. (not saying I got it from getting in the water. I think i got it by accidentally drinking the water. I went in with an open can of beer, friend threw a football that splashed water in my can. none of my friends got sick like me and I was the only one drinking at the lake. anyway that's my theory don't come at me.
from that experience I learned...
-easy on the decorations
-prepare for random rain
-dont drink lake water
22 went again and camped with friends, got there on Thursday early afternoon but this time we were directed to drive all the way to SUNSET. We just kept going and gooooooing.... we were basically at the end of it all. At first we were ok with the spot because it was grassy and with trees. It was nice to be away from the dust and felt that it wouldn't be so bad if it rained again. we set u camp, pregamed and headed to the festival. We then realized how far we were from the entrance and had to plan accordingly. I usually pack what i need and extra junk like little trinkets or bubbles, facepaint kit, sketch book. When we were at high noon we were able to go back and forth to camp to get stuff or reload on drinks. Our camp at Sunset was so far away from the entrance that forgetting something meant leaving it for the day or missing a whole set. I didn't make it to any of the morning yoga sessions. The closest portapotties to our camp were far, the showers were almost close to the entrance. Ice too. I regreated not brining my bike to use for those errands. I know walking is a given at LIB but that walk from camp really changed it up for me. I missed HIGH NOON and my bike! Our side of the campground was very quiet at night, less renagaades and lots of space that was not used by the group camping or RVs. Our entires camp could fit in one of those empty spaces that were closer to the festival. We ended up using the portas that i think were meant for staff since they were at the outskirts of camp. They were the most cleaned portas I've ever used at a festival. On Saturday evening we packed up our drinks and headed to the festival. Of course we packed it all cause it was a one way trip. We get to the entrance and see police checking bags and not letting in people with alcohol. My husband had a brand new bag of wine in his backpack. We were all loaded up. Only option we had was to drink it on the spot, leave it or WALK IT BACK TO CAMP.... walk it back to camp?. Im telling you it was that far.. plus we were headed to woogie.
anyway, that's part of my experience. Overall it has been ok. I know I can spend days preparing and still forget something. and the unexpected is all part of the adventure.
Missed last year because my baby was only 2 month and I thought it would be insane to expose him to the dust and heat then. I know its not impossible, I've seen infants at LIB as well as pregnant women. it was not the right time for us yet.
This year we are going with baby E! and I cant wait to experience LIB with him. I'm also nervous about it. I had a hard time deciding between the Easy peasy RV and the family camp but decided to do family camp because I would love for him to interact with other kids.
my questions:
what does family camp look like? I'm worried about the dust, the heat.
showers? is there a designated shower station at family camp?
recharging stations only for cellphones??
What are some must have for a toddlers?.
We got a wagon, and I'm taking a bike this year. Altho the map shows family camp closer to the festival it would be helpful to travel faster and save energy.
I read that art cars can be used to travel across the festival. I've always seen them and admired them but never thought I could ride them too. is that true?

I wanted to make the ultimate BG3 skill monkey, and this post is the best I’ve been able to come up with so far. I’m looking for feedback and any ideas I’ve overlooked.
[I try not to spoil anything with this post, but you may be able to infer some things from the names of abilities or items I mention, so proceed at your own risk, I guess]
This build gets proficiency in every single skill, expertise in 13 skills, and ends the game at 19 STR, 20 DEX, 8 CON (lol), 17 INT, 18 WIS, and 20 CHA, and can do it all while being a useful support character in combat (you’re going to want someone else in the party to be your carry). In addition, they can buff their own skill checks with Guidance or Enhance Ability, and get 1d10 Bardic Inspiration and/or Guidance or Enhance Ability from a party member. With this character, the vast majority of your consequential skill checks will be made at advantage with a +12 flat bonus and at least 2d4 added on top of that.
I make a few choices that may seem suboptimal at first glance, but I actually think are optimal because I value expertise very highly (this is basically an exercise in seeing how many skills I can get expertise in at once), but don’t value Reliable Talent as much. Scroll to the bottom of this post for my treatise on why Reliable Talent isn’t as good as Expertise in BG3.
If you prefer Reliable Talent, then a Githyanki Rogue 11/Cleric 1 will be a great skill monkey. But I posit herein that it will not be The Ultimate Skill Monkey. The Ultimate Skill Monkey would have Proficiency in every skill and Expertise in every skill possible, and only miss it on the least consequential skills.
How do I do it? With Knowledge Rogue 6, Bard 4, Cleric 2.

Ability Scores

Start 8, 16, 12, 8, 14, 16. As you get certain items, buffs, and feats you’ll respec to slowly dump that CON into other key stats. At the endgame you could use the CON necklace at the expense of your WIS.

Leveling Steps:

Level 1:

• Race: Rock Gnome (History proficiency and expertise). Don’t want to play a gnome? Well guess what, you’re going to be disguised 90% of the time anyway!
• Background: Urchin (Sleight of Hand and Stealth proficiency) [note: we pick this to avoid backgrounds that give WIS skills that would overlap with Knowledge of the Ages, and CHA skills that overlap with Illithid Expertise or the Actor feat]
• Rogue 1 (Perception, Deception, Insight, and Persuasion proficiency, Persuasion and Sleight of Hand expertise - these are my preferences for perceived value, but with proficiency with all WIS skills only 2 levels away, consider, say Intimidation and Acrobatics or some other combination instead of Perception and Insight to maximize your proficiency spread)

Proficiencies: Stealth, Perception, Deception, Insight
Expertises: History, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion
Level 2:
Class: Knowledge Cleric (Arcana and Religion proficiency and expertise, Guidance)
Proficiencies: Stealth, Insight, Perception, Deception
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion
Level 3:
Cleric 2: Knowledge of the Ages WIS (Animal Handling, Medicine, and Survival Proficiency)
You can use tricks to get the Shapeshifter’s Boon ring this early without risking the cow or Dammon in future acts (attack the cow with mage hand, then offer to bribe it to apologize, which opens up the trade window where you can buy the ring). I’d also recommend you get the Whispering Promise ring off Volo and start applying it with this character to buff your carry. You can also pick up the Warped Headband of Intellect, which amounts to a +4 to all INT-based skill checks for the rest of your career.
Proficiencies: Stealth, Insight, Perception, Deception, Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion
Level 4:
Bard 1
Level 5:
Bard 2
Around now is when most people can get Hag’s Hair. With Hag’s Hair you can respec to re-optimize your key Ability Scores and eventually get DEX to 20, but if you want to save HH for your carry, you can also skip Khalid’s gift and just make your +2 WIS ASI into a +1DEX +1 WIS and accept the 1 point loss on WIS-based skill checks in the final build.
Level 6:
Lore Bard 3 (Acrobatics, Investigation, and Nature proficiency, and Insight and Perception Expertise, and you can now cast Enhance Ability)
If you haven’t already, go get The Graceful Cloth from Esther and put it on, for permanent +1 to your DEX skill checks and permanent advantage on them as well, for the rest of the game! You can also get the Club of Hill Giant Strength and Titanstring Bow now, which will simultaneously boost your Athletics checks by 5 and allow you to do competent attack damage when you’re done buffing your carries.
Proficiencies: Stealth, Deception, Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival, Acrobatics, Investigation, Nature
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion, Perception, Insight (bold means it just came off the proficiencies list because expertise got added)
Level 7:
Bard 4: feat: Actor (+1 CHA, Performance and Deception proficiency and expertise)
Respec to accommodate the +1 CHA and to replace Deception at Rogue 1 with Athletics
Proficiencies: Stealth, Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival, Acrobatics, Investigation, Nature, Athletics
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion, Perception, Insight, Deception, Performance
Level 8:
Rogue 2
Around now you’re getting into Act 3. Choose to become ugly so you get proficiency and expertise in Persuasion, Deception, and Intimidation, allowing you to respec out of those skills in your build (picking up redundant Medicine proficiency at Cleric 1 and Investigation expertise at Bard 3).
Proficiencies: Stealth, Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival, Acrobatics, Nature, Athletics
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion, Perception, Insight, Deception, Performance, Intimidation, Investigation
Level 9:
Rogue 3 (subclass doesn't matter to me, pick your favorite)
Around now you can get Khalid’s Gift, an amulet that can increase your WIS by 1. It’s not required, but if you want to really max your skil checks, it does allow you to break past another WIS threshold without giving up another important skill check ability score.
Level 10:
Rogue 4 (feat: +2 WIS, or stats of your choice)
Somewhere around now you’ll be ready to access The Mirror of Loss, which, with a little planning/respecccing/save scumming can get you +1 CHA and +2 to another stat. If you don’t/can’t scum or don’t want to put in the effort, you can adjust your ability scores down accordingly.
Level 11:
Rogue 5
Level 12:
Rogue 6 (Stealth and Acrobatics Expertise)
Proficiencies: Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival, Nature, Athletics (final count: 5)
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion, Perception, Insight, Deception, Performance, Intimidation, Investigation, Stealth, Acrobatics (final count: 13)

Gear:

Almost all of the gear is available in Act 1!

• Warped Headband of Intellect
• The Graceful Cloth (Esther)
• Shapeshifter’s Boon
• Whispering Promise
• Club of Hill Giant Strength
• Titanstring Bow
• Khalid’s Gift

Combat Strategy

There are a lot of options here, but I think the optimal thing is probably to either pre-cast or use your first action to cast Bless on 3 party members. Then on future turns use your BA to apply a weapon oil that will buff the fire damage from your Cleric, then use an Arrow of Many Targets to apply it (in less consequential fights you can conserve resources with a different weapon coating and cheaper trick arrow).
At any point in the fight, use Healing Word or just throw potions at people to apply Bless to the 4th party member with Whispering Promise, or to apply Bless to anyone without actually casting it.
Titanstring counting multiple times on trick arrows, plus sneak attack, and enemies will actually notice that you’re hitting them. And, more importantly, you're providing buffs that are relevant in combat throughout the game.

Party Comp:

Member 2: Monk
You may have noticed that while this Ultimate Skill Monkey covers an extraordinary range of skills and is competent in all of them, there are two skills I didn’t get expertise in that, from time to time, there will be pretty important checks you’ll want to pass, and often they’ll be passive: Athletics and Survival. You also need a strong carry to compensate for your relative combat weakness. Enter the overpowered Tavern Brawler Open Hand Monk/Thief.
Karlach and Wyll both start with Survival proficiency from their backgrounds and Athletics is a Rogue skill, allowing you to spend your 2x Expertise at Rogue 1 on Athletics and Survival.
Then use STR elixirs so you can pump WIS (which you’ll want to do by Act 3 anyway due to Boots of Uninhibited Kushigo), and now you’ve got someone who will spot every buried treasure and can turn valve wheels like a pro. Oh, and also does inconceivably devastating single-target damage.
Member 3: Bard
No skill monkey is complete without a separate bard to give them Bardic Inspiration. I prefer the 10/1/1 Swords Archer, but 10/2 SSB would be great too. Either one can do carry-level damage while abusing Band of the Mystic Scoundrel and Helm of Arcane Acuity to single-handedly trivialize any combat encounter. Can also cast Enhance Ability on you.
Member 4: Cleric
The only thing the team’s lacking is AoE damage, and someone to dump all the remaining caster, radorb, and reverb gear onto. Light Cleric 11/Storm Sorcerer 1 is my favorite option here, with Spirit Guardians applying gobs of debuffs, supplemented by fire spells that are buffed by oil your skill monkey can apply with their bow. I like the side benefits of Warding Flair, Aid, and other Cleric goodies here, but you could totally throw in a Sorcerer here, or swap to a lightning or ice variant with your skill monkey throwing water bottles on enemies as setup.
Thus ends the meat of the guide, thanks for reading and I’m looking forward to your feedback!
My Tiresome Treatise on Reliable Talent vs. Expertise in BG3
Reliable Talent is very good in a vacuum, but its value goes down substantially in the BG3 environment compared to tabletop.

• Inspiration exists: if you happen to get a low roll, you can use inspiration. Meanwhile, there’s no mechanic that allows you to pump up your maximum skill check that you aren’t already using (Guidance, SSB, BI).
• Enhance Ability: you can pretty much always have this up, and use it during dialogue. Advantage greatly diminishes the odds of a bad roll
• Similarly, you can add Guidance and Bardic Inspiration at will
• Also similarly, the more dice you roll, the less likely you are to get all 1s, and in BG3 you can add Guidance and Shapshifter’s Boon to every roll, plus potentially BI.
• Reliable Talent has a very high opportunity cost in BG3: compared to my build, to get Rogue 11, you have to give up 4 skill proficiencies and 3x expertise, as well as the ability to cast Enhance Ability yourself (or Disguise Self without having to swap your hat in and out): without Knowledge Cleric 2 you have to drop Rock Gnome for Githyanki, and you can’t take Bard 3. And that’s before considering actual combat utility of the builds.
• 55% of the time (at least) it does literally nothing. If you have advantage, which you will have most of the time, the odds of it doing anything at all dwindle to 20%. When it does do something, it will add +5 to a roll on average…which is just 1 more than expertise is guaranteed to add to every roll over proficiency alone. In practice, it’s better than expertise about 11% of the time.
  • Granted, those are the times you need it most, and when it’s at its best, it’s adding a whopping +9 to your roll.
  • But how often is it actually going to turn a failure into a success when expertise wouldn’t? If with proficiency you’re adding +8+2d4 to most skill checks, you still beat a DC10. If going for a DC 20, with expertise and 1s on the extra dice (6.25% chance), you’d have to roll below 6 twice (advantage) to fail, which is 9%. You have a 0.6% chance of that happening, and if did happen to you, it might be in another scenario where it didn’t end up mattering! But if you rolled average on the d4s, you’d have to hit below 3 twice (2.25% chance) . In that extremely unlikely event, use an Inspiration point. To put it in plain language: you have something like a 1/50 chance that RT will give you a success when Expertise would not on a DC20 check.
  • But what if the DC is very high? In that case, Expertise can cause success where RT would fail any time where a 10 on the die is still 1-4 short. If you’re only adding 13 on average to your roll, then you’d need a 17 to pass a DC30, while expertise brings that down to 13. With advantage you have a 36% chance to break 17, but a 51% chance to break 13. Forgive my napkin math, but that’s like 40% better odds, vs. the 11% chance RT will even be better than expertise, let alone the

To put it in plain language: in BG3, when the choice is between Expertise and Reliable Talent, Expertise is equal on DC10 checks and better on DC30 checks. On DC20s, you have something like a 1/50 chance that RT would save you when expertise would not. Do you think you can have an inspiration on hand for 1/50 of your consequential rolls?
[edit 1: in response to comment, rearranged first two levels to start Rogue instead of Cleric because I was mistaken about how many skills you get when multiclassing into Rogue.]

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Email: [intclairvoyant@gmail.com](mailto:intclairvoyant@gmail.com) [spellsherb22@gmail.com](mailto:spellsherb22@gmail.com)

During the course of my career as an alpha Sasquatch hunting, Dogman destroying, pussy crushing, luxury watch loving dude, I have run into this particular woman a few times. She is one part uber sensuality, and the other part deadly. Yes, I am speaking about the lovely, Anna Conda. I bring her up because I had another run-in with her last year.

Anna and I first joined forces, so to speak, when she acted as a go-between in my business deal with the Chinese to sell them bigfoot parts. See, I would hunt and kill the critters, cut them up, deliver the parts to Anna, who in turn gave me a suitcase containing unmarked American hundred-dollar bills, then she would transport the bigfoot parts to the Chinese. I was never really sure of what the sneaky-ass Chinese were doing with the body parts. All I knew for sure is that they are extracting certain materials from them, then synthesizing them with some other shit, creating some sort of drug. Whether it then becomes a bio-weapon or a dick stimulant, I do not know. Neither do I care. As long as they kept the hundies coming, I was good.

Now, while Anna is of Russian descent, she is a freelancer. She will work for any sick, skeevy motherfucker out there. She does not care. She has no conscience, at least not in the traditional sense as we understand it in western civilization. Today she is working for the Chinese, and tomorrow she may be working for Hamas. She is a slippery motherfucker.

So here is how it went down. At 11:32 p.m. on a Friday in September of last year I get a call on my cell phone. When the call came in I was balls deep into this hot little lass I picked up at the bus station a little earlier in the evening from an old swarthy chap named “Colorado Joe”. He wanted to sell me the girl. I was assured she was over 20 years old. I told him I needed to take her out for a test ride, which he agreed to.

So, there I was, balls deep in “Bing Bang Yun”, and my phone rings. Of course, I silence all incoming calls not in my contacts list. Thus, I knew that I must know the caller. In mid stroke I reached over to the nightstand to retrieve my cell and looked at it. It was a call from “Sergio”. I thought, “Oh shit…. I am going to have to cut the Oriental bang circus short.” When Sergio calls, I have to respond…immediately. He has the best blow on the east coast!!

“Hey, Serge! What’s up?”, I asked. All he said was, “Hooters. 2:00 a.m.”, then hung up. This was obviously the rendezvous for the transaction. Now, understand that Serge was not talking about the chicken wing restaurant. Hooters was code, in case the feds were listening in on the line. “Hooters” meant the titty bar out on Highway 69 called “The Plump Rump”. We had a communications code we used.

It was a long haul to the titty bar, so I needed to get moving. I had no time to return the girl to Colorado Joe, so I took her with me. I had her blow me on the way to the meeting with Sergio, telling her that her performance would make the difference on whether I save her from Joe or not. Of course, after she was done I tossed her out of my speeding truck and down, over the bridge, and into the Wendigo River below. I did not need any complications in my life right now.

I arrived at The Plump Rump at 2:00 a.m. on the dot. I saw the manager, Lou Skunt, sitting at the bar when I walked inside. I nodded. He walked over and said to me, “Use my office for the meeting The parties are already in there waiting for you.” I nodded and then headed to Lou’s office. Then it hit me: Lou said the “PARTIES” are already here. That is, parties, meaning more than one person. It was not just Sergio. It was 2 or more people! Lou was probably in for a cut of whatever was about to go down.

Something was bad fucked up!! I know for a fact that Sergio never brings anyone with him on a deal, at least not with me. He is too distrustful of people to do that, and too fucking mean to need protection. Something was wrong. I was just as likely to get whacked when I enter Lou’s office as anything else. I needed a moment to think things through.

I took a spot in front of one of the performance poles to watch a young, swarthy Mexican lass perform. My mind quickly strayed from the problem at hand to this brown chick’s ass and tits. She was not a great looking chick, but her body was smoking!! I quickly became aroused. I thought to myself, “Goddamn Asian bitches!! They are just like Chinese food – after 2 hours you are ready for some more!!”

When the little Mexican chick went on break I motioned her over to my table. “Hola Senior!!”, she said. I pulled out a clear plastic baggie of blow and dropped it on the table. Her eyes grew wide and slobber starting falling from her mouth. Blow is like catnip for strippers. Thus, she fell under my spell immediately.

The next thing I know, this brown girl was on my lap, dry humping me like a feral bitch dog in heat. I had to bang her. I NEEDED to see my wang penetrating her. Just then, someone taps my shoulder hard. I look up to see Lou standing over me. He bent down and said, “Did you forget about my office, asshole?!?!?!” I replied, “Damn, Lou!! You read my mind!!!” I arose, with the little Mexican bolted onto my mid-section, and hastily retreated to Lou’s office. I figured Lou would prefer me to stain this chick in private rather than out in the open.

The door to the office opened easily. The lights were on inside. In a lustful haze, I set the little Mexican chick on her back across Lou’s desk and started pumping the shit out of her, completely unaware of the others in the room with us. In a moment I heard someone call my name. I twist my neck around to see Sergio sitting on Lou’s jizz crusted couch. I think to myself, “Oh shit! I forgot about that shit!”

I figured I would just move forward with the deal as it was proposed to me. “Hey Serge! What ya got for me, dude?”, I asked. He replied, “I have a very special deal for you. I need, uh … yeah, ……Hey, Rod, you want to stop for a moment so we can talk?” I picked up the little tamale and laid her down onto Sergio’s lap as I continued to plow her. She stayed on my cock the whole time. I told Sergio, “No, man. I’m good! Lay it on me!” Slowly, Sergio lowered his face into his palm.

Then it happened. The voice cam from behind me, in the dark corner of Lou’s office. It was velvety yet hard as steel. “Rod. Went need to talk”, it said. Even though I did not stop pumping the little brown chick, a chill went down my spine when I heard those words. It was the thick timbre of the voice, I think, that alerted me.

I turned to look across the room. There, sitting in a red leather captains chair against the wall was the source of the sultry voice: Anna Conda.

I picked up the little taco yet again and turned her around so I could face Anna as I continued pumping her. At this point the Mexican girl was merely a masturbation toy I was using. I increased my pump so I could dump my load and get this over with. Then BAMM!!!, it was over. I removed the lass from my huge rod, after which her body crumpled to the floor. I did not know if she was dead or injured, or what had happened to her. But I did not care either, so I did not dwell on it.

I tried to compose myself the best I could, then walked over to stand before Anna so I could get to the bottom of all this business. “Well, well, well. Anna Conda. We meet again. Tell me, what brings you here, to my little neck of the woods?”

Anna replied, “Rod, put your dick away.” I looked down and, indeed, I had forgotten to stow my cock. Out of pure curtesy, I packed it away. Then I returned my attention to Anna. “Alright, Anna, what’s going on here?”

Anna launched into a startling tale about what brought her to me. As she spoke I became lost in her wanton beauty. She got up from her chair and walked about the room as she relayed her story, presumably to make it more dramatic and demonstrative. I got a full-on view of her body, and it was fantastic!!

She stands 5’10’’ and weighs 105 lbs. She is lithe. She was showing it off too, wearing a black, silk dress that landed just about her ankles. The top was low-cut, betraying just a bit of cleavage from her C-cup wineglass titties. She was not wearing a bra. Anna never wears a bra. Her nips were perfectly outlined through the silk. In fact, I think her nips were hard. It was probably something she did on purpose in an attempt to influence me. It was working.

Anna’s ass was perfect. It was not at all fat, but round enough not to be skinny. It was a fit figure skater’s ass. As she walked, I could see a tiny bit of jiggle emanating from her ass flesh, and then reverberated in the silky black dress she wore. My cock began growing hard again.

Her face was beautiful. Think Scarlett Johanson and Phoebe Cates rolled into one. But any sweetness this may evoke is quickly dispelled by Anna’s throaty voice with its thick Russian accent. I have known Anna for 20 years. Yet, she still does not look a day over 25. Jesus Christ!!! If ever there was a chick to die for ….. If I was one to delve into the belief of the paranormal, then I may conclude that Anna made a deal with the devil. But, I am not such a person.
And literally, Anna Conda is a chick to die for. She is deadly as fuck. She will kill you in a split second without a thought just because she does not like the shirt you are wearing. She can do it too. She is always armed and she knows how to use her weapons. Moreover, she is a total psychopath. This makes her doubly dangerous.

Anna and I have always gotten along for the most part. Like Anna, the dollar is my primary motivating factor. Such a mindset allows for understanding and predictability among people, which are elements that are sorely missing in many business dealings today that go on in the color of darkness.

Suddenly, Anna snapped me out of my thoughts. “Here’s your gun, Rod. Now let’s get started”, said Anna. She and Sergio were halfway through the door exiting Lou’s office when I said, “Hey, wait a damned minute!!! What are you talking about?!?”

They both stopped, and Anna walked back in and looked me in the eyes, saying “The plan, Rod. Let’s get on with the plan.” A little embarrassed, I sheepishly asked, “What plan?” Anna folded her arms and looked cross at me. After a moment to allow me to simmer in my shame, she asked, “You were not paying attention, were you, Rod?” I shook my head and looked down.

I heard a hammer cock. I jerked my head back up to find myself staring down the barrel of a pistol pointed at my head that Anna was holding. I protested, “Look, it is not my fucking fault!! Put that fucking gun down!!!” I continued, “You were distracting me with …. Well.. you know, how you are dressed, and that hot, sultry voice…. You know?”

“So, instead of paying attention to the plan, you chose to eye-rape me. Is that what I am to understand your position is, Rod?”, she asked. Knowing that my life was on the line, I said, “Anna, look, you know I am horny to a fault. Then you come in here, swinging them tits around, wearing that silk dress showing off the crack of your ass…. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPENED?”

Anna lowered her gun. She knew that my explanation of being a total cocksman was truth. “Let’s go”, Anna curtly said. I obeyed.

Anna explained the plan to me again on the drive from The Plump Rump. She made me wear a blindfold so that I would not get horny during her explanation. Here is how it went:

Anna Conda was now working for the Russians. It seems that Putin caught wind of the Sasquatch project that the Chinese were working on. He also knew that the American government have been fucking with sasquatch for decades. Thus, he was very concerned about the existence of a bigfoot gap. He ordered the acquisition of a Sasquatch specimen immediately.

Moreover, said specimen must be prime. It needed to be the biggest, baddest sasquatch of them all – a true alpha – so as to speed things along. Putin did not want some weird shit-creature, is-it-a-sasquatch-or-is-it-a-dogman, kind of monstrosity. He wanted purebred, badass sasquatchery, and preferably from the American Pacific northwest.

Anna got in on it because she sold the intel to Putin about China’s Sasquatch operation. She then told Putin she could produce sasquatch corpses for him. She told him she had a contact (i.e., me). Thus, with Putin’s blessing and promises of riches to come, Anna set out to America to find me.

Now, here is where things got a bit squirrely. See, I agreed to procure some more dead sasquatch. I have no problem with killing sasquatch because, in my opinion, they are an abomination on this Earth. I kind of feel like I am doing God’s work by wiping out as many of them as I can. And given all the not-so-Godly stuff I have done, I feel like killing Sasquatch kind of offsets that to some degree.

But Anna, she was stuck on Putin’s instruction that she must supply him with apex Sasquatch. So she did not want to take my advice of heading to the Pacific Northwest or Alaska. Instead, Anna claimed to have pinpointed the whereabouts of a particularly gruesome sasquatch beast that she KNEW would win her a fortune from Putin if she brought it to him.

“So, where is this beast?”, I asked. Anna replied “Martha’s Vineyard”. I paused. Then I asked her to repeat herself. It turns out that I was not mistaken about what Anna had said. I continued, “Uh, Anna, there are no sasquatch on Martha’s Vineyard, just a lot of wealth New Englander schmucks.”

Anna looked at me and told me I was wrong. Then she decided to attempt to taunt me. “Oh, Rod, mighty slayer of Bigfoot! Yet, you fail to take notice of where the biggest, most foul and rotten beast of them all makes its home. Jesus, Rod!! What kind of bigfoot hunter are you, anyway?” Anna then spit at my feet and wondered aloud whether she even needs me for this job.

I decided that I needed to straighten out the hierarchy here in order for this here deal to move forward. I said, “Well, Anna, feel free to truck on over to Old Whitey Beach and battle that beast. But, if there is a big old mangy sasquatch lurking around over there, then it is probably a fucking Nazi-Squatch. You know, those fuckers out there hate the Jews.”

The work “Nazi” visibly shook Anna. Her great grandfather died defending Leningrad. Her entire family there died of either starvation or cannibalism during Hitler’s siege during Operation Barbarossa. Anna despised Nazis. But she feared them too. After landing that punch, I decided to push my luck.

“Now, I am still willing to help you catch this here Nazi-Squatch, but you have to do something for me”, I said. Now Anna’s eyes were on me, and they were narrowing. I continued, “I want you to get bare assed naked and pleasure yourself while I stand over you and jack it.” Anna stared at me silently for a long moment. Then she replied.

“After the job is done, and you can get none of your … fluids… on me”, she said. I shook my head and countered, “Now, and I will ‘try’ to not get my spunk on you.”

However, Anna then turned the tables on me. In fact, she picked up the table and bashed my head in with it. She looked me in my eyes, then matter-of-factly said, “You get the beast, and your prize shall be a night with me, anything goes, darling.” Well, since this caused all of the blood to immediately drain from my brain, I had a lapse in judgment. “DEAL!!”, I said. Then we shook on it.

“OK, tell me more about this supposed monster sasquatch on Martha’s Vineyard”, I said. I still was not ready to believe there was a monster out there. “I show you photo”, said Anna. She took out her phone, scrolled to find the photo, then handed the phone to me. “There. Sasquatch”, she said.

I stared at the photo and remained silent. After a long moment, I turned the phone so that Anna could see the photo and asked, “Uh, Anna, is THIS what you intended to show me?” She replied. “Yes! There…Sasquatch! The biggest, grossest monster around.”

Now, I could not argue with Anna that the image on her phone is a big, gross monster. Hell, it could actually be a sasquatch, and THE UBER sasquatch. It is most certainly the grossest thing on Martha’s Vinyard. But I somehow do not think this is what Putin is expecting.

I turned to Anna and said, “Anna, this is a photo of Michelle Obama. I know it looks vile, and has a huge, hulking body with large appendages where a woman should not have them. But, sweatheart, that ain’t no sasquatch. That’s a big, hairy Chicago street negro.”

Anna did not believe me at first. She was hard in her conviction that Obama was a sasquatch. “I have seen the Sasquatch beast you deliver to me for China. This … Michelle Obama …. It is big, and hairy, and ugly like the sasquatch beast, but worse.”

When the truth finally set it, I could see that it had kind of broken down poor Anna, if only just a bit. I put my arm around Anna and told her, “Look, Michelle O fooled you. Hell, she and her Hamas Hubby fooled millions of Americans, twice! At least you saw Michelle for what she is, to wit: a big, gross sasquatch, and NOT some kind a retarded leftist messiah.”

After that, things took a rather dark turn. “What if we still take her to Putin? We can make deal; sell her to Putin!!” At this point I held up my hands and said, “I’m out”, then turned and walked away. Anna followed, trying to get me to stay. At this point, I could tell that Anna was coming undone a little.

See, she had to produce for Putin. There is no telling what kind of secret deal she actually had with him. She had to deliver a big old mangy Obama …. Er, uh, I mean … Sasquatch, to Putin.

“Ok, Rod, we do your plan. We go out west to kill bigfoot. Huge, monster bigfoot. she said. I turned and looked Anna in her eyes and said the following: First, we bang for 48 hours straight, right now, so I can get my fill of you. Second, you pay me $10,000.00 cash upfront. Third, upon delivery of the dead bigfoot, you pay me $1 million immediately.”

Anna agreed to everything, but noted that at the present time it was her “time of the month”. I grimaced, as I will absolutely not go there (and she knows that). “Fine, next week we bang”, I said. She pointed out that I would be in the woods next week hunting sasquatch. “Fine, once I come out of the woods, then we bang – 48 hours straight”, I said. “Of course, darling!”, she agreed.

Well, it took several days to set up the hunt, but it finally happened. I was in Washington state at high elevation based on intel I has acquired that indicated that there was a monstrous 15’ tall sasquatch on the mountain range that had been murdering and eating hunters and hikers. After 3 months in these mountains without a trace of the creature I began to lose hope, thinking that I probably got some bad intel, or bad coordinates.

I got my satellite phone out to call for an extraction. Winter was setting in fast, and if I did not get off this mountain soon, then I would freeze and/or starve to death. Unfortunately, my contact did not answer. I tried for 2 days. No answer. I had been fucked. I wondered what had happened back in civilization that caused me to be abandoned like this. I resolved that I would get off that mountain and get to the bottom of this shit. There would be hell to pay for this betrayal!!’

I was able to get in touch with contacts from back home. I got old Billy Ray from Ellijay and Rattler on the phone and got them to come out here to Washington State to extract me. Rattler use to fly helicopters in the Army. He has an old Huey sitting in his front yard, to the chagrin of his HOA. He fired that sucker up, and him and old Billy Ray flew out here to my coordinates and extracted me.

After landing at a convenience store to buy some beer for the flight home, we headed east. Through the skies a way, Billy Ray said, “Well, Rod, I guess you is bout ready to git back home to Georgia, eh?” In fact, I was ready to go home. But I had to take care of some business first. I told them both to take me to New York City. They were both perplexed. All I said to them was “I have an old friend there I have to see before I can go home.”

I have intel on where Anna Conda stays when she is in the United States. She stays at certain hotels depending on what month she is here, and whether her check-in date is an odd or even number. This is for undercover work. I came across the code for her stays while doing the sasquatch work for China. She an I were caught in a snowstorm one night in Buffalo, NY, and had to share a room at the Holiday Inn near the airport. We had like 10 big Igloo ice chests with iced down sasquatch body parts with us in the room.

Anna was like, “No hanky panky, Rod. I am tired and I want to go to bed. Tomorrow we finish business.”

Frankly, I did not blame her for withholding her magnificent muff from me. I was tired as hell. But, I could not settle for nothing. So, when Anna was in the bathroom taking a shower, I started going through her suit case. I wanted to find some of her panties to jack off into. Instead, I found a little black notebook. Inside it contained her lodging codes, and some other interesting things. I photographed the contents with my phone and then put it back.

When Anna got out of the shower she was already dressed in her night clothes. She saw me lying on my back, nude on the bed, and jacking it. “Rod!! GROSS!!!! Go to the restroom to do that shit!!!”, she commanded. I just did it to get a rise out of her. LOL!!

So, if Anna is still inside the U.S., then using the codes I stole from her I can locate precisely where she will be that night. I studied it for a few moments then had my answer. Tonight she would be staying at the Dogman Inn on Hwy 95 South, Room 355. I told Rattler to get me there stat!

We had to stop several times for fuel and beer. Those Hueys go just a bit over a hundred MPH, you know. But eventually, we got there. I gave the boys some money and told them to go to the Waffle House for some coffee to sober up. Then they would fly me home.

I should mention that I also had Rattler’s fully auto Russian AK-74 with spare mags. During the long flight with 2 drunks from Washington State to New York City, I had worked myself up into a towering rage over how Anna fucked me on this Putin deal. She had clearly thrown me aside. But for what, exactly? I figured I would storm the hotel room, get some answers, then shower the room with gun fire.

I busted through the door of Room 355 at exactly 3:35 a.m. There she was. My entry roused her from slumber. I was pointing my rifle at her, center mass. She was shocked at the appearance of a gunman in her room at this time of night. However, she was not as shocked as one would think (this was not the first time something like this has happened to her).

I raised my face from the receiver just enough so she could see it was me. “Rod!!!”, she exclaimed. “What happened to you?!?!? I thought you had died up in those mountains when we never hear from you!” I replied, “Shove it up that cute little ass of yours, Anna. You fucked me. And not in the good way. What the fuck was all that shit about needing a sasquatch for Putin?!?”

Anna played dumb. But it struck me that I had been deliberately put out of the loop for 3 months. Why? Who wanted me away for that long, and why? What went on in my absence?!? I was just dying to know!!! I set my rifle down and pulled out my fixed blade knife, ready to get down to some real nasty work on Anna so I could get some truth. The pure evil of what I was about to do to her caused a wide death grin to grow on my face. Anna saw it. She knew what it meant. She swallowed hard and her eyes betrayed the shear terror she felt inside. I was engorged with blood lust. She knew she had fucked up one time too many this time!!

Suddenly came the sound of the toilet in the bathroom flushing. I was momentarily shocked. I did not expect anyone else to be there with Anna. Anna saw it in my face. I glanced at her and saw that the terror in her face was replaced with pleasure, a slight smile creeping over her face.

I was going to have to face off against this person in the bathroom, who would be out in a split moment. When I do that, I will have to turn 180 degrees from Anna, thereby making me vulnerable to her. I had only once choice: Shoot Anna first.

Just as this came to me, but just before I could act on it, the bathroom door opened. I had to deal with that person before Anna now. I spun around to see that it was a completely nude, and fat, white man. He was a real oafish blob. He looked surprised to see me. He also looked sort of familiar.

I next heard the crack of something hitting my skull hard. I remember the immediate hateful pain that shot through my body and the sound of blood rushing through my ears. I remember the dizziness, then falling to the floor. Clearly, as I fixed on the man from the bathroom, Anna had cracked me over the head with a blunt object.

I came to the next morning, Billy Ray and Rattler had manage to track me down based upon coordinates I left in the chopper that said “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY”. Billy Ray filled up the hotel room ice bucket with cold water and doused my head with it to bring me conscious. I was disoriented at first. But after a bit, what happened in this room the night before came back to me.

Honestly, I am surprised that Anna did not just kill me. I presume that she thinks she can leverage her drop-dead hotness to get me to do more shit for her in the future. She is absolutely right about that too. Rattler then said, “Hey, Rod, that snake bitch left a letter fer ya.”

He handed me the letter. This is what it said:
____________________________________________

“Dear Rod:

Sorry about the boo boo on your head. Hope it heals soon. Also sorry about leaving you in the mountains. I was not running a scam on you Rod. Rather, an opportunity arose for me to acquire a sasquatch body from another person. You may know him since you are a sasquatch hunter. His name is Matt Moneymaker. Anyway, until next time…..

Yours truly,
Anna Conda”
_____________________________________________
I could not fucking believe it. That was fatfuck Moneymaker in the hotel room earlier. Anna fucked Matt Fatfuck Moneymaker for a Sasquatch! That fat son of bitch!!

Billy Ray asked, “You ready to go Rod?” I stood up and said, “Yeah, let’s go.” Then Rattler said, “Hey, ya wanna stop and git some beer fer the ride home?” I replied “Hell yeah.”

I felt like I wanted to die. Thank God for beer and buddies. I don’t blame Anna. She is a fucking snake, and I knew that before this started. Also, I cannot really blame fatfuck Moneymaker for wanting to get some of that hot poon pie Anna serves up. I guess I have to blame fate for fucking me over this time. I even started thinking that next time I will just avoid Anna. But I know I won’t, thus making me subject to this sort of shit again. I had Rattler set us down in Charlottesville so I could buy some hard liquor.

Beginnings. Illustrious. Vivacious. Monstrous. Scintillating. Star-Studded. Nautical. Creeping. Vainglorious. Luminous. Villainous. Venerable. Exuberant. Esteemed. Legendary…. Epic. Wonderful, Briliant, Victorious, Foundational, Iconic!!! Champions. Sixteen of them. One prize. One Ultimate Champion. Who will beat all other winners and become the ultimate winner themselves? As we get ready to close the curtain one last time on Bunny’s Big Brother, let’s find out who is the Shining Star of our champion cast in Bunny’s Pokémon Big Brother CHAMPION ROYALE!
Season Finale: CHAMPION ROYALE!!!
Meet the Cast:
Season 1 – Lance the Escavalier
Season 2 – Carlos the Pangoro
Season 3 – Nickels the Nickit
Season 4 – Xio the Meowscarada
Season 5 – Selene the Lampent
Season 6 – Candy the Wigglytuff
Season 7 – Splaatz the Stunfisk
Season 8 – Dirk the Kricketune
Season 9 – Echo the Arctibax
Season 10 – Mobee the Bewear
Season 11 – Professor Bane the Crobat
Season 12 – Lisette the Solrock
Season 13 – Maeva the Chimeco
Season 14 – Dayley-Jane the Dewgong
Season 15 – DJ Volt Switch the Emolga
Season 16 – Benedict the Chespin
Intro: We are reporting live at the site of Bunny’s Pokémon Big Brother Finale House! The crowd is thick and loud as fans from all over are excited to watch the sixteen champions enter the house LIVE! We stand in Poketopia, home of the Battle Revolution! The Shining Neon Colloseum, in a penthouse suite in the grand city is where the final bout will begin! Here come the Legendary Sixteen right now!!!! Lance the original winner is so stunning in his armor! Carlos has evolved and looks much tougher. Nickels is strutting in conifdent as ever next to Xio, who looks completely unphased by all of the winners around her! Selene fits right in with the bright lights. Looks like Candy is evolved as well and—OH—she tripped over Splaatz. That’s embarrassing and you can tell she isn’t happy even if she’s putting on a smile. Dirk and Echo are next, both eyeing up the competition already. Echo being evolved now already ups his threat level. Mobee gets an uproarious cheer from the crowd! And WOW the Professor gracefully glides over the crowd! He really did escape capture back in Mazda’s Season. Lisette seems to be meditating and Maeva is pumping herself up. She looks a bit snooty now that we know how she really is but we are eager to see how she plays. Dayley-Jane gets another huge cheer from the crowd. She really is a lovable gal ain’t she? DJ clicks a track on the DJ booth to keep one last song playing but then hops out to join the entourage. She’s still keeping up her day job too, so inspiring! Finally, Benedict walks up. Unlike the others, he looks somber. Wonder what his deal is? Oh well, let’s watch them all compete in the bright stadium for the first HOH!
First HOH: In this bright lights HOH, the houseguests all race to complete a task, with the first to complete it knocking someone out of the running. In the first heat, Maeva clears first and knocks out Bane because he came in second and is a huge comp threat. In the next round, Echo wins and takes out Maeva, who just won. Splaatz wins round three by accident and takes out Day, who was big on his original season. Candy wins next and takes out Nickels. Xio takes out DJ, followed by Benedict winning and immediately knocking Xio out. Candy wins again and takes out Dirk. Echo then wins again to take out Candy before she gets too much momentum. Carlos wins and takes out Lance, Mobee then wins and takes out Carlos, Benedict then wins and takes out Mobee! Splaatz wins again and takes out Selene as she is hiding in the background. Lisette wins the next round to take out Benedict. In the final three, Echo wins again and takes out Lisette, as she did a good job hiding til then. In Splaatz versus Echo, the fish surprisingly keeps up with the dragon and at the last second, takes over?!?!?! Splaatz is the first HOH!
Week 1: Splaatz is very confused how he won that last round but Echo comes up and congratulates him. The two get along well and Splaatz works up the courage to ask to be in an alliance, which the dragon happily agrees. Bane goes to Candy to tell her that the villains need to stick together, she agrees and they grab Maeva. She is initially reluctant, not trusting Bane, but she agrees eventually. Mobee goes to monitor the living room like before and DJ flies up to him. They end up chatting and realize they enjoy each other. At the nomination ceremony, Splaatz has decided to put up DJ and Dirk, saying how he doesn’t want to make too much waves and this seems to be the way to do it best. Dirk is unamused and DJ is frightened. Echo gets suspicious of Bane and shares his thoughts with Nickels, they pull in Carlos to form an anti-villain alliance. Benedict eavesdrops and plans his next move. He goes up to Nickels and makes up how Dirk must be playing the villain this time, because he is acting weird. Nickels considers his approach but ultimately decides to trust him as an alliance member. At the veto, Carlos, Echo, and Mobee all play but it comes down to Carlos and Splaatz. Splaatz ends up winning again but while actually trying and is exuberant! DJ pleads with him but he ultimately keeps his noms the same.
After the veto ceremony, Benedict tells DJ to do as he says and trust him, as Gigi did. She agrees and starts buttering up to the villains. She gets Candy to be even nicer to the house and apologize to Splaatz. She also helps Bane create a new game. Meanwhile, Benedict starts prodding Dirk and Day, causing them to be at odds with each other. Dirk eventually snaps and lashes out at Day, shocking everyone. Maeva can tell something fishy is happening but rolls with it since it is week one. At the eviction ceremony in the glittering colosseum, the two nominees tell why they should stay. Dirk is more bitter while DJ stays heartfelt, convincing everyone but a suspicious Maeva. In the end, by a vote of 12 to 1… Dirk, you have been evicted.
Week 2: The next HOH is a high flying roulette-themed obstacle course, based off of the Neon Colosseum’s roulette rules. DJ and Mobee work together to get to the end but Nickels keeps up with them. In the final stretch, Mobee sees Nickels catching up and throws DJ, giving her just enough of an edge to win the HOH! Nickels and Maeva both approach DJ to tell her their suspicions on Benedict’s behavior. At first, they fight, but realizing they have the same goal causes them to cut it out long enough to tell her. DJ is reluctant but Maeva reminds her how he betrayed Gigi and she is firm. Benedict and Carlos become the nominees. Day, Echo, and Maeva play in the veto and Echo actually manages to come out on top over Day. Echo talks with Nickels about saving Carlos but she is hesitant, telling him that Carlos makes a good pawn next to benedict because everyone likes Carlos. He ends up not using it. During the week, Benedict begins making breakfast early, irritating his roommate Carlos and causing him to be grumpier. Xio confronts Benedict for this, telling him he is purposefully making Carlos mad and it’s brutal. He tells her he doesn’t understand the problem if Carlos doesn’t like breakfast. She sneers but doesn’t have a comeback. The next day, Benedict holds a house meeting. He apologizes if he’s been rubbing people the wrong way but he is just trying to fit in since he is newer. Lisette says that everyone should give him a chance, which the villains, Selene, and Mobee agree with. Echo, Carlos, Nickels, and Maeva are all hesitant. At the eviction ceremony, Carlos is grumpy and bitter and doesn’t do much to defend himself. Benedict, again apologizes. In a 9 to 3 vote… Carlos is evicted.
Week 3: Several house membets are completely shocked by Carlos going home, including HOH DJ and his two allies, Nickels and Echo. Also surprised is Xio. The next HOH is an endurance comp called the floor is lava based off of the Lava Colosseum! Mobee, Splaatz, and Xio are the last three remaining. Knowing she was on the outs of the last vote, Xio fights hard to survive, fighting her pain. Splaatz eventually drops and Mobee remains with Xio. Eventually, Mobee drops and Xio wins! Xio already knows her noms. She puts up Benedict next to Selene, as she was one of the people vouching for him last round. Benedict chooses to stay back and not make too much of a scene this round, lest he blow up his cover. Meanwhile, DJ and Mobee plan how to move forward. Maeva is listening in to this convo and realizes how close they are. At the veto, a mental comp, Selene ends up winning by a landslide, saving herself. Maeva rushes to Xio about the DJ and Mobee situation, and points out how Mobee is a comp threat as well. Xio decides Mobee is a good replacement, as he is likeable and a good pawn next to Benedict. Mobee holds a house meeting and cries during it, thinking he was doing so much better at being friendly this time. Maeva calls him out for his crocodile tears and argues that he is putting on an act. Lisette calls out Maeva for being so harsh and chastises her for being such a villain. Maeva asks her if she is planning on voting for him to stay and she is silent, but says that shouldn’t matter. Maeva retorts and says it’s not jury so jury management doesn’t exist yet. At the eviction, Mobee is shaking next to a smug Benedict. Benedict’s speech touches on how Mobee doesn’t seem ready for the big leagues. The bear gets up angrily and almost picks up Benedict, shocking everyone. He stops himself and realizes what he did. The vote comes in and by a vote of 8 to 3, Mobee, you have been evicted.
Week 4: The next HOH begins as they houseguests must ascend a glimmering rock wall, themed after the Crystal colosseum. Day and Maeva take an early lead but are caught up by falling rocks. Lisette closes the gap and eventually surpasses Maeva. Day and Lisette race for the end and… Lisette win! Lisette in her HOH room ponders about who to put up and ally with. She turns to Xio, Day, and Selene as her allies. The Witch’s Coven, as they call themselves, wants to shift the focus, as Benedict is doing too well at not going home. Instead, Lisette targets Maeva, who is playing sneaky, as well as Benedict’s ally, Echo. Bane laughs at Maeva being on the block and she is enraged with him. He says “it doesn’t matter since it’s not jury yet.” Having her own words turned on her, Maeva storms out and swears she will get revenge on him and Candy. At the POV, the witches’ coven is playing with three members and Xio ends up winning! She chooses to keep the nominations the same. Splaatz goes to Lance to tell him how much it means to be there with one of his heros, but Lance mishears him and calls him out for calling him a rude name. The two get in a petty argument where Lance’s bad hearing keeps making things worse. Meanwhile, Maeva tries to get the vote off of her by spreading anti-Benedict propaganda around the house. Day has a change of heart about this and wants to vote out Echo, even while her alliance is targeting Maeva. Benedict, aware his name is still out there, pleads to DJ not to vote out his ally. At the eviction, Maeva thinks she has done enough work but the vote comes out and is a 5 to 5. The Coven is shocked, one of their own must have flipped. But Lisette gets to break the tie, and is all too happy to evict her target, Maeva.
Week 5: The next HOH is themed after the Sunset colosseum, and sees the houseguests racing to stack piles of rubble. Echo, DJ, and Xio make the highest stack but DJ’s crumbles before the time limit. Both wanting to take control, Echo and Xio try really hard to build the highest. The timer buzzes aaaand Echo is the winner! Benedict instinctively high fives Echo and celebrates with him. Later, Nickels is peeved that Echo is so publicly working with Benedict. Echo tells her she had the opportunity to have a good ally but she chose to burn that bridge and that’s her fault. Offended, she tells him to make that alliance with Benedict work out but she won’t be part of it. Echo is saddened, but doesn’t want to put Nickels up. Instead, he shifts the target to former villains, with Bane being the target and Selene going up next to him. Xio cheers that Selene could be going home, making the Lamp angry at her, since they were supposed to be working together. Benedict goes on to win the veto and vows to Echo not to use it. However, at the veto ceremony, he uses it to save Selene, shocking everyone as he winks at Xio. Echo then solidifies this by putting Xio up. Selene goes to her to tell her she is sorry for their misunderstanding but they work together. Candy turns to Lisette and tells her she is tired of working with Bane and if she helps her get the Professor out this week, she will work with her. Lisette agrees, knowing everyone wants Bane out anyways. At the eviction, Xio seemingly patches things up with everyone. The vote comes in, by a unanimous vote… Bane, you are evicted.
Double Eviction: Surprise! The Jury starts tonight and the next HOH is beginning right now with one more person leaving! A quiz colosseum is held in the Sunset colloseum, with one miss causing someone to be out of the running. It comes down to DJ, Nickels, and Lisette. But Lisette gets the last question right and the other two miss, with Lisette winning her second HOH. Lisette puts up Nickels and Day. Nickels because she is playing a lowkey game but making waves in the Benedict situation. Day because she wavered on her vote for Benedict. She doesn’t put down Benedict as he is good for drama and polarizing the house, which is good for her game. Nickels wins the veto and takes herself off. Lisette decides to put up Splaatz, because she is worried he will fumble his way to the end. Most people seem to share this idea except for Echo, who wants to wotk with Splaatz. The vote comes in. By a vote of 7 to 1… Splaatz, you have been evicted and will be moving into the jury house.
Week 6: The Next HOH begins as a race through the mysterious mansion in the courtyard colosseum. No one can tell where anyone is but Candy comes out first and wins! As HOH, Candy calls in Benedict. She tells him he has been playing a sloppy and obvious villain game and he is gonna get evicted too soon if he doesn’t simmer down and get some real allies. He is shocked and admits he just wants to win. She says they all do and the least they can do is help each other. She says she will help him if he keeps causing more chaos and also gets DJ on their side. He agrees and talks to DJ. The squirrel is hesitant but decides it would be a great way of getting revenge on Benedict if she gets the chance. Candy puts up Lance as the pawn next to her target, Xio, who has been against Benedict’s chaos this whole game. DJ goes on to win the veto and chooses to not give Candy any suspicion by not using it. Meanwhile, the witches coven fractures, with Day not agreeing with Lisette and Xio feeling not supported on the block by Selene. DJ infiltrates this meeting after storms out, telling them about Xio being the real target but she has a plan to keep her without drawing suspicion if they can get Day to play nice. Xio borrows an item from Lisette and breaks it. Lisette then goes to “rant” to Day, who is being nice with her, thinking they both will vote Xio. Echo, meanwhile, confirms his alliance with Benedict, and feels like he is finally gaining more traction. But the house takes this the wrong way. At the eviction, the vote comes in, and by a vote of 4 to 3… Lance, you have been evicted.
Week 7: The next HOH begins, a waterfall diving competition, based off of the Waterfall Colosseum. Whoever makes the biggest splash wins! With her natural watery prowess, Day dives in and wins the HOH! Day is approached in the HOH by Candy and Benedict, who ask her to work with them. DJ sees whats happening and goes back to Lisette and Selene. The two talk and realize that they can’t beat Benedict’s control of the house by just going against him, but they have to work with him. So the three of DJ, Lisette, and Selene enter the HOH “accidentally” and propose the six will control the house. They say they want Echo to go on the block, as he is getting too good at the comps. Benedict is hesitant but Candy nudges him, as secretly this will be great for her game. He agrees and tells Day he won’t be mad if this happens. Echo goes up next to Nickels. The two former allies face off in the veto, both bitterly making jabs at the other for turning on them. It comes down to just the two nominees and… Echo edges her out, winning the veto. Echo saves himself and puts the power in Day’s hands to put up a replacement. Her choice is the person not in her alliance who has made affronts to her, Xio. Lisette has the whole house do tarot readings to ease the tension which goes down well. Lisette gets the Sun, a symbol of positivity and creativity. Benedict draws the Moon, symbolizing Illusion and inner conflict. He shudders when the white moon of the card turns red in his hands. Echo draws the Fool, a card of new beginnings but also endings. Selene draws death, the card of change in the game. Nickels draws the Hermit, a card of isolation and reflection. Candy draws the Lovers, with the card representing connections and pairs, symbolizing her manipulation of Benedict. Day draws Strength, a card of inner strength and Willpower. Xio draws the Tower, representing sudden downfall and incredible sudden changes. She shudders and uses the moment to apologize to everyone, saying she wants to be a beacon of hope but got lost. The house receives this well. Benedict considers flipping to Xio because of her show of faith being bad but Candy reminds him that Xio is on the bottom of the pecking order on that side, likely meaning they don’t even have to take her out. He relents and the eviction goes through. The vote comes in and by a vote of 5 to 1, Nickels you have been evicted.
Week 8: The Next HOH begins in the Sunny Park colosseum, with contestants having to hunt for pellets and use them to knock out targets. DJ and Echo prove the most adept but in a last second victory, Echo wins. Benedict goes to Echo in the HOH but Echo has realized too late that Benedict is working with everybody, even causing him to turn on Nickels. Benedict doesn’t try to hide his smug smirk as he agrees and walks out, daring him to put him on the block. He feels this must be hiding something and starts asking around the house for their opinions. Xio reveals the existence of the Witches Coven, and how they have been together for weeks, including saving her last week. Knowing of this alliance, Echo saves Xio and puts up Selene and Day. At the veto, Selene wins. Selene approaches Echo, telling him she knows of someone playing both sides, revealing DJ trying to play double agent. After she pulls herself off the block, DJ goes up as the replacement. Candy works on ingratiating herself with the outsiders in Xio and Echo, trying to forge paths ahead. But is unsuccessful at breaking Echo. Echo is accosted by DJ for putting her up over Benedict. He asks her to say why she was double crossing and she says its because she was trying to sabotage Benedict. If anything, Day, Selene, and Lisette should be the real double agents. Echo goes to rage to Selene for how she tricked him but she swears it was the truth completely, and he chose to believe it in a negative light, not her. Day joins the fight and lashes out at Xio and Selene for being the reason she is on the block. Lisette stays out of it, knowing the time to jump ship is coming up. At the eviction, Dj and DayJay give their pleas, but the votes are tallied. By a unanimous vote… Dayley-Jane, you have been evicted.
Double Eviction!!: Second double eviction because you know we gotta! The HOH starts with a lightning round of dodgeball on wooden poles. Selene is knocked out first. Then DJ gets knocked out by Candy. Lisette falls off on her own. Xio goes after Benedict but is taken out by Candy. Then Candy expertly dodges and takes out Benedict, winning the HOH. She nominates the two people who are on the bottom of the pecking order, Echo and Xio. The veto plays out with Benedict winning. Echo pleads for Benedict to help him out, as they were friends. Benedict doesn’t even look him in the eye as he chooses to not play the veto. Echo pleads to the voters to let him keep playing and he will take out Benedict, but Lisette and Selene have basically already jumped ship and moved on. The vote comes in, and by a vote of 4 to 0… Echo, you have been evicted.
Week 9: With Six houseguests remaining, they are taken to the Gateway colosseum to have mock Pokemon battles. In the first round, Xio beats Lisette and Selene beats DJ, with Benedict drawing a spot in the top 3. In a first to win two times in a row scenario, Selene beats both and comes out victorious. Selene and Lisette decide that they have to cut ties and work with the more devious players to have a better shot at the end. Selene puts up DJ and Xio, with DJ being the target. Benedict is alone in his room when he hallucinates more blood on his paws. He shouts and Xio comes in to see whats up. She helps him calm down and he realizes he is down a bad path. She helps him calm down and he thanks her, even with him harassing her all game she still helped him. Candy witnesses the two help each other out and is beyond irritated, she goes to Selene, who is still iffy on Xio, to warn her. At the veto, Candy wins it. She takes off DJ and Selene spitefully puts up Benedict, who trembles going to the block. Lisette confronts Selene for making such a rushed decision, as the goal was to keep Benedict and his threat around longer. At the eviction, Benedict argues that he has realizes how the game has changed him and he wants to prove how he changed. Lisette doesn’t believe him but DJ seems to be enamored. The vote comes in, and by a vote of 2 to 1… Xio you have been evicted.
Week 10: Five stars remain and there are five points in the Stars of the Main Street colosseum, where the houseguests go to do a full BPBB quiz! Lisette misses one question and gets behind as the other get ahead. It comes down to a tie-breaker between Dj and Benedict and the winner is… DJ! Benedict goes to apologize to DJ for real and she forgives him, happy to see his true self back again. She feels played by Selene and Candy so they go on the block. Lisette is still suspicious of Benedict and starts watching him for suspicious activity, noticing him look at his paws a lot. She decides to talk to him with the ruse of working together. At the veto, DJ wins again and claims her game, choosing not to use the veto. Realizing the danger they are in, Selene and Candy go to their respective closest allies, Benedict and Lisette. The two touch base with Benedict telling Lisette he is fine voting Candy with her, as he doesn’t want to force DJ to have to break a tie. At the eviction, the votes are read and by a vote of 2 to 0… Selene, you have been evicted. Benedict looks over at Lisette with a shocked look, realizing she caught on to him.
Week 10: As the final HOH starts, the houseguest are in the Stargazer colosseum for an epic triathlon of quizzes, endurance, and races. In the first part, Benedict pulls ahead, with Lisette on his tail. He falls behind in part two, giving Lisette and Candy a chance to catch him. The three are neck and neck in part three but Lisette comes out on top! Benedict goes to Lisette on her HOH to grovel but she stops him, saying she misheard the vote last week and though the vote was for Selene anyways so its good he didn’t make poor DJ break the tie. He feels reassured and goes back out. Lisette puts up DJ and Candy as the nominees. Lisette reassures DJ about how Benedict likes her and she wouldn’t go home. Benedict touches base with Lisette, claiming that he knows DJ has too much social traction and needs to go next because of this. On his way out, Candy enters the room and chats with Lisette. She says that the noms should stay the same so DJ can be evicted for sure this week. Lisette doesn’t trust her and tells her to her face she is no better than Benedict, but is powerless without him. The two stare each other down. At the veto, Lisette wins it, and Benedict sighs a sigh of relief. But Lisette shocks everyone by saving Candy and puts up Benedict. Lisette calls him out for faking his turnaround to play with everyone’s emotions. He breaks down, claiming his intense want, no, NEED to win the game. He can’t get it out of his head and it burdens him with the thoughts of betrayal, including the allies he betrayed this season, with Nickels, Echo, and even Xio who showed him so much kindness leaving because of him. DJ is in tears and even Candy can’t watch. Afterwards, Benedict goes to his only real ally, Candy. He begs her for advice on how to get out of this, as she helped him so much. She looks him in the eye as she tells him that he did this to himself. At the eviction, Candy gets the sole vote to evict and casts it to evict, Benedict.
The Reunion: Folks we are live again right outside the Neon Colosseum for the Finale of Bunny’s Pokémon Big Brother Champion Royale! Our Sixteen winners have been whittled down to three and it is not what we expected at all! In a house where everyone wants to be the biggest truck on the highway, we have three mid-sized sedans who have slipped through the gaps and swept their way to the end. DJ VOLT SWITCH, Elesa’s iconic Emolga who created the jams we are listening to even right now! She plays up her social game very well with honesty and loyalty, but is no slouch in the competitions. Though she has been left out of some secrets in the game, she was well=liked in the house and leveraged her position between alliances to get information! Sweet Candy the Wigglytuff who played Sickly Sweet last but downright Sick this time. She got in close with all of the villains but managed to be the cherry flavored licorice that was easier to manage. She avoided detection aligning with big villain Benedict and hiding behind the scenes of his chaos, even almost controlling his moves at points. The Sunstone herself, LISETTE the Solrock, who foresaw victory once, but is this a double reading? Lisette bided her time throughout the game, getting whatever information she could and waiting to play it until the time was right. She was at the center of multiple alliances but always stayed just far enough away from the drama that no one was even targeting her. The Sun? No Lisette is after The World!
Joining us on stage now are the 9 jurors! Starting with Splaatz—Ope watch your step, you gotta be careful or else you’ll trip. Here comes Lance the OG! Though he is old he is still our knight in shining armor. Nickels struts up so casually ooh lala. Here comes Echo, kind of sheepishly, don’t be shy buddy! Day gracefully swims up on stage, still to audience cheering. Wait, the cheering is getting louder? Oh it’s Xio! She is surprisingly well-received. Selene keeps the applause growing. She seems to be goading the audience on with her behavior, not wanting to stay out of the spotlight hmm. And then—oh wow I can’t hear anything with the thunder of the crowd for… Benedict? Interesting outcome here that our little villain has become a real crowd pleaser. Even as he walks to his seat with his head held low.
The jurors speak with our lovely reporter. Lance speaks about how great it was to come back and how this game is way changed from when he won season 1. Xio and Nickels agree, but they still worked hard to adapt to the changes. Selene scoffs a bit, another early winner, she notes that herself and Candy were very well integrated, they just needed to change their approach. Xio says it was much harder playing from the bottom rather than the top and it was a fight, but she had a ton of fun doing so. Day mentions she felt the same way. A house full of winners is not to be underestimated for a second, as they all could be planning many different things behind each other’s backs. Splaatz is—oh he’s asleep… moving on. Nickels asks Echo about how he changed his game this time, and why he turned on her. He apologizes, saying he was blinded by seeing opportunities with Benedict because he didn’t fight with him, only told him what he wanted to hear. And he realized too late that that was a ruse. She accepts his apologies and all eyes turn to Benedict. He looks up, seemingly just noticing eyes are on him. He looks down at his paws. “All I’ve seen since last season is blood on my paws. The need to win never left me. I had to do it at all cost. I lost myself in that game and resorted to every trick in the book to make the winners trust me. And it worked… but I fell deeper and deeper down the hole. And now, I don’t feel like I deserved to win at all.” Xio jumps up and makes him look up. “You deserved your win as much as we all deserved ours. It’s a game, it doesn’t have to define you. You define you, so get up and prove it.” Benedict is in disbelief that Xio is still defending him. “You hear that crowd? They were entertained, we entertained them! Your devioushness entertained them! You gave them a show by tricking a bunch of winners, so own up to it and be the entertainer we know you are.” He gives off a small, barely noticeable,but definitely real this time, smile. Xio turns to the crowd “ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR OUR FINAL THREE???” The crowd erupts in excitement!! “THEN GET READY BECAUSE HERE THEY ARE!!”
Final HOH Part 1: The HOH opens on top of the rotating Roulette wheel in the Neon Colosseum, with the audience now filled and the three houseguests circling in the middle, holding on for dear life. At the same time, they are throwing dodgeballs at each other. Candy is targeting Lisette out of spite, putting on a performance for the audience about how Lisette is a traitor to their alliance. DJ is caught in the crossfire but expertly dodges. She manages to catch a ball that Candy threw and chucks it back, knocking her out. Lisette smiles at DJ but DJ knows she still has to win. She tells Lisette she is sorry but she is done working with people and has to take her game into her own hands, not relying on others to fail but herself to succeed. Lisette agrees, but she wants to be the one to succeed. Lisette lobs a ball at Dj and knocks her out, winning Part 1.
Final HOH Part 2: Part begins with Candy and DJ on the Rotating Roulette platform again, racing around to land the colored balls in order of the competitions and the winners of each one. DJ takes an early lead, having been very aware of the game the whole beginning. Candy struggles at first but when she catches up to leaving the villains alliance and joining Benedict, she takes off, knowing how well she played Benedict as her own puppet that she controlled votes for that she easily crushes the midgame part. Her lead takes her ahead on time going into the endgame. DJ misses a key vote and has to go back, but Candy remembers who saved Benedict countless times, and gets it right, winning part 2.
Final HOH Part 3: The crowd is in uproars as Candy and Lisette reach the stage for final quiz, again on our roulette platform (we paid a lot of money for that). Each juror question goes by, with Lisette and Candy answering in tandem, Both get question after question correct, eventually reaching the last question about Benedict. The crowd is shocked as they both answer together again and… get it wrong. Well, that’s anticlimactic. Benedict sighs, no one knew his true self. But the tie-breaker is revealed, how many rotations has the rotating platform made? With both answering two numbers away from each other, Candy goes just over, eliminating her, and crowning Lisette the final HOH. Lisette has both DJ and Candy in front of her. She doesn’t say much but looks at them. She says that DJ played an impeccable social game and is incredibly loved by the fans and the house. Candy, meanwhile, played a strategic game and almost fooled her a couple times. She turns to Candy “I made a gamble with bringing a social threat to the end before with Amni, but not this time. Candy, let’s give em a show.” And casts her vote to evict DJ.
The Jury Questioning: DJ isn’t shocked, she did a lot this time around and knew she made herself a bigger threat. She exits the house and gets cheers from the audience! She hops to the DJ booth and begins playing the final epic track for the showdown between Candy and Lisette. Both have been in this position before in the final 2 and both have won, but now, only one can become a two-time winner and be crowned the ultimate Champion! Lisette opens with her speech first. She pitches her game strong, how she gravitated towards groups in the early game without committing too strongly, so she didn’t go down with the ship. She still managed to control so many votes in the house by having reach with her Witches Coven and eventually jumping ship and siding with Benedict, as she knew he was under Candy’s thumb and she could infiltrate that alliance to get to the end and destroy it. The jury is impressed by her showing and all eyes turn to Candy. Candy starts saying how she knew her game was already known going into the house and she had to play different. Her main strategy was to fall into the background and connect with the players playing sloppier than her so she could be the puppetmaster and sneak to the end. And for her, that was found in Benedict, who she found it very easy to manipulate. She is the villain they all knew she was but she wasn’t targeted because of her great strategy. She saved Benedict’s game and carried him to the end so that she could have a guaranteed extra life in the endgame with him. Murmurs arise from the jury, Benedict looks incredibly hurt. Xio asks Candy what her biggest move was outside of controlling Benedict. Candy says that she made sure that the villains she worked with got cut before she could get too powerful, even working with Lisette to get out Bane and Maeva. DJ gets up from the booth and asks Lisette why she went to the end with Candy instead of her if she thought Candy was going to be tougher. Lisette clarifies that she thought Candy would be good at explaining her game, but she knows not to rely on other’s failing but on herself to succeed, and DJ has a great story and was well-loved and if she wanted to win, she had to cut DJ and masterfully explain her game to the jury. Benedict finally speaks up to ask Candy if he meant anything to her at all throughout the game. She hesitates, caught off guard, before replying in all honesty that, she wanted to mentor him to be a better player. He says he did well enough for making it to the end twice and didn’t need her to do all that. In their final speeches, Candy says that she used other people as her pawns and navigated a really good game to make it to the end hidden amongst the other players. Lisette says that she played a perfect game, not even touching the block and noting that she has not received a vote against her in either of her games, this one being perfect. She finishes by saying how she played more up front and aggressive to counter the sneakier players of the season and did not back down from the threats that all the winners possessed. The jury is impressed and goes to cast their votes.
Jury Voting: Splaatz says he had a fun time playing again and wants to vote for someone who played really good, even showing him more how to play. Lance says that while some people are old school, some people are REALLY old school, but can still play with the best of the best and be even better. Nickels says she is honored to be in the winners season but one winner played like how she thinks a winner should. Day says she worked with both finalists, but she always felt the house pulling towards one player, as the sun has a lot of gravity and control over the tides. Echo says point blank that he felt the manipulation from both sides, but one felt malicious, and another felt like game, and he knows which he respects more. Xio says that some lines shouldn’t be crossed. Selene says that she was honored to be so thoroughly outplayed, turning from the Queen to the Pawn who was merely a stepping stone in someone elses game, it was thrilling. Benedict silently casts his vote. DJ cues the final tune before hopping down with her vote, saying that it should be obvious. The votes come in… by a vote of 9 to 0… the winner is…
Winner: Lisette!
Runner-Up: Candy!
Confetti cannons and flamethrowers start lighting up the sky with neon streams shining bright all over the sky! Though it is the dead of night, it is as bright as the sun, and Lisette is feeling absolutely radiant. Candy sits in shock, in disbelief. Lisette throws her the Lovers card again. “You misread it the first time so maybe you can learn before you try to tell the fortune teller what her fortune is.” Candy throws the card on the ground in anger and pouts. The jurors go and cheer for Lisette, the ultimate champion and two time winner, STILL having never received a single vote to evict in two entire seasons. The fan favorite vote comes in and… IT’S A TIE???
Fan Favorites: Benedict and Xio!!!
Benedict goes up to Candy, still fuming, and looks her in the eyes. “You know what, you really did teach me something. You taught me that some people never change, but I don’t have to be one of them.” Xio comes up and takes Benedict back to the celebration, sticking her tongue out at Candy as she leaves. The party goes through the night. The sun eventually rises, as Lisette has risen to the top of the competition, as this era of Bunny’s Pokemon Big Brother has come to an end.
My Thoughts: I enjoyed this season a lot. It kept me on the edge as the winners played their games again, some way better than others. Gameplay-wise, I think I preferred last season but I think it’s more so because of the subtle moves made in the dark as no one wanted to be too big of a target. The villains ended up flopping early, which kind of was to be expected, given that everyone else is a relaly smart player to have won. Candy surprised me this time, sneaking in to take over Benedict, being a key player in his storyline, even a bigger villain than he tried to be. It really helped me tie up the storyline really well and I like how it happened. She also played a stellar game again, controlling things from the chaos in the shadows. The other side of the house was not slouching though. Lisette, Selene, Xio, and Day all played smart games, not committing too much to each other but still working well enough to not crumble. Lisette as a winner for this season is great! She put in work to keep her position, as it was in danger of falling apart so much. She leveraged every ally she had and every competition she had to get forward every week. And it worked as she got to the end without hitting the block AGAIN and played a PERFECT game, not receiving a single vote to evict and getting every vote to win. She did that in a winner season too, ultimate winner for sure!
So whats next? Well... that's the end. I knew since the beginning that Season 17 would be the end but it coming up still feels so weird. I am about to start a busy summer and don't have as much time for all of my hobbies but I still feel sad finishing this series. I think I am going to make a series epilogue soon so stay tuned for that but... otherwise that's it. I thank you all again so much for sticking with me the whole time, it's been a wonderful journey!

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

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Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!

https://preview.redd.it/292890cl190d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=80452218955753005afd72dfd6f5c56b3cf0c658

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.
https://i.redd.it/gdoknun0390d1.gif

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

Google Play Books (ebook and Audiobook)

Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!

Race Information
• Name: Bad Ass Backyard Ultra
• Date: May 11, 2024
• Distance: 29.5
• Location: Rio Linda, CA
• Website: https://www.skybreakerracing.com/bad-ass-backyard-ultra/
• Strava: https://www.strava.com/activities/11388611030
• Loops: 7

Goal	Completed
Stay under 50 miles	Yes
See if I like this kind of race	Definitely
Have Fun	Always
Win?	Yes!

Pre-race:
I’m a 40 year old guy who sits at a desk all day (CPA). I started running in August of 2021 specifically to do a marathon, crossed the finish line that December and since then it’s been an addiction. I’ve now run 4 marathons, 2 50k, 3 70.3s, a full Ironman and in February as I switched from Triathlon to Ultras I did my first 50 miler. The 50 (in spite of showing I need to fix some blister issues) confirmed for me that ultra events are my favorite. I still like the triathlon training and how I feel with those more, but as far as events and culture, ultras are my thing. So anyway, I know I’m now an ultra runner, but I was a little lost as to what my next “A” race would be. I had the option of Ironman in October, Rio Del Lago 100 miler in November, or one of these backyard ultras that I’ve been hearing about. For those that are unaware, it’s basically a 4.2(ish) mile loop that is done every hour. No matter how fast or slow you run that loop, every hour on the hour another loop starts. This goes until people drop off and there is one person left. At the surface, this seemed like something that I’d like to inject directly into my veins. But that could just be me being naïve about how boring doing the same loop over and over would be, or how much I HATE stopping during runs. But the main draw for me, is that within 15 minutes of any race I’ve ever run in my life, the eventual winner is nowhere near me. Lining up every hour with the eventual winner and looking them in the eye just gets me irrationally hyped. That said, I’m coming off my first 50 miler, my toes are still healing (waiting on my big toe nail to fall off at this point, and my coach has BEGGED me to not go too deep in the well for this one. He wants a real training build up, some time to figure out blister issues and be legitimately prepared for a race. So the main goal here is to see if I want to throw 6 months of specific training at a race of this format.

Race Day:
So there are only 3 people signed up for this race. We even got an email from the race director asking if we still wanted to race. I get there with my wife, 3 kids and parents with tents, pop-ups, battery packs and iPads ready for this to be a long day. I have Maurten gels for 24 hours, huge packs of electrolyte mixes, I have my headlamp in case this goes into the night, 7 pairs of socks, 3 pairs of shoes, I have my heat gear, a tent, pop-up and a table. Quite frankly I may have had as much setup as the race director. My Bi-Carb and Ketones get drunk, we’re ready to rock.

Course:
This course was very strange. We’re out in the middle of farm land, and the first 1.7 miles is all exposed and it got up to 90 degrees at the peak of the day. What made it worse was a good mile of this section was not mowed, so we were trying to pave a path through calf high grass in places. After that you get to a legitimate trail that has a good bit of tree cover. One tiny hill for a grand total of 30 feet of elevation gain on the loop, so it’s pancake flat. There’s also a street crossing where there are a couple volunteers pressing the button to stop any cars coming by. Not a super busy street, so it was never a huge issue, but I did laugh a bit every time.

Race:
8am rolls around and I meet the two other people I’m running with. One guy just turned 33 so his goal was to do that many miles. Another is a woman in her 50s who had about the same goal for the day, but she was training for a run from the bottom of the UK to the top over 35 days or something. She’s done the Tahoe 200 before (something that’s on my bucket list), and I’m definitely a bit intimidated. That said, she says she has tickets for a comedy show later tonight, so I jokingly say I just need to hold out until she has to leave for that. Race starts and we decide we should run together a bit for the first lap just to figure out where the hell we’re going. We universally agree that the first section is BS, but the shade after makes all the difference. I start walking at the shade and let them run up ahead. I see them later on when I finish my loop.
My goal was to hit 50 to 55 minutes on each loop. First and foremost I don’t want to be sitting too long and thinking about pain or heat or whatever. To do this, I go at an easy pace for the heat section, walk when I get to the shade until I get to a 13 minute pace or so. Then I start running again. When I get to the tiny hill I start walking again until the pace drops in that range and then run into the finish line. I think I pegged every single lap right around 53 minutes. I’d grab a sponge from the ice bucket and wipe down my arms, sit down, eat my gel, put some ice in the pouch on my back, in my hat and down my pants. Every 2 laps I’d change socks and spray my feet down with Aquaphor to keep them lubricated. Every 4^th lap I’d change shoes. I’d eat fruit or any snacks I was feeling while my dad would fill my water bottles, one with electrolyte mix and one with regular water. I’d usually get up from the seat between the 2 and 1 minute warning, mosey on over to the start line, sponge down my arms one last time and get ready to do it again.
Loops 1 and 2 are about the same. I send a check in text as I’m walking in the shade to my wife and coach which I call my “*.5 check in.” I grade my pace, attitude, pain level and fun being had with any notes.
On loop 2.5 I text that the young guy is struggling in the heat. I even texted my wife to have the race director check on him when I didn’t see him for a while, but he was ok. I talked to him a bit and he said he was using too much energy running the heat section so he was walking some of it. I figured that would be too much heat exposure for me, but he says he’s ok.
Loop 3.5 I am getting too much sweat in my eyes. I usually wear an American flag headband when I run, but in the heat (and with my thinning hair up top prone to sunburn) I’ve switched away to a bucket hat. Until now I had the headband on the outside of the bucket hat. I admit I’m choosing fashion/superstition over practicality and put the headband under the hat which immediately fixes the problem. I also have a fun conversation with the woman about how I’m doing this whole mathematical calculation for my pace which makes sense being a CPA. She says she’s running completely on feel, but that makes sense because she’s a massage therapist. The young guy struggles a lot and comes in at 57 minutes on lap 4 and drops.
Loop 4.5 I have made my first shoe switch. After wearing the Altras with the wide toe box the Hokas that I’ve run all my other races in feel horribly constricting and I have a good idea of why I keep getting blisters. I decide to change shoes back to the Altras after this lap. Woman says her goal is 4 more laps.
Loop 5.5 I write that she’s trying to mind game me and that she’s gone a bit negative and I need to be more positive to combat it. Now I know that this probably says a lot more about me than it does her. It’s possible and even likely that she was dancing at the start line of loop 6 because she liked the song. But in my head, in that minute it seemed like she was trying to show no weakness. She starts off that lap a little hot, but I keep my same pace. The surprising part is when I pass her about halfway through the heat section and it takes her a bit to catch up as I’m walking in the shade. She grumbles a bit about that section of uncut grass and asks how long I’m going and what happens if we both stop at the same time. Just some little cracks mentally that I note as she starts running again up ahead of me. Now usually at this point I don’t see her until the finish line because she’s been running 46 minute laps and I’ve been well behind at 53 minute laps. But midway through my walk section I see her just a little up ahead at a turn. Please know, I AM NOT PROUD of what happens next. It’s not time to run yet, but with her struggling a little bit, I bet that if I pass her she breaks. So I start running, and make sure to keep my breathing and heart rate in check. I run by, say “I’m gonna hustle on this one, I want a burrito.” This is not a lie, I did indeed want a burrito and when I came in the announcer asked how I was feeling to which I responded, “feels like half-time” as I had just finished 25 miles. Well half way into my burrito they tell me she’s going to drop. She congratulates me and I just have to finish my last lap to win. Yes, I mind-gamed a woman in her 50s to win. Now is she a badass woman in her 50s? Damn right she is. She’s done races I can only dream about right now, and I probably do it again given the chance. She later tells my dad that she asked herself what the hell she was doing once I passed her.
I decide lap 7 should be really strong, so I take off and do the heat section in sub 9 minute pace. This was a bad call. I decide my ego isn’t that big and walk in the shade a bit so I don’t pass out. I finish in about 49 minutes, get a cool sweatshirt, which I then proceed to wear in spite of the heat for pictures with my kids on a makeshift podium because I never have and probably never will win another race in my life.

Post-race:
A few small blisters. One of which is on my heel which is new, but as of Monday they’re already minimal, so 30 miles in that is a huge improvement from normal. I’m on the right track but still stuff to figure out. With the system I had I didn’t mind the stops at all in this race format. I also think my superpower is doing boring things over and over again, so the loop didn’t bother me at all. It’s almost certainly something I’m going to be throwing 6 months of training at for a big showing in November. Had a fun day with some really enjoyable people. Plus my coach didn’t yell at me for going too deep and this will be a quick recovery into some real training blocks. Overall loved it!

Hello,
Have been using ScreenLogic for a couple of years but still can't get a few things to work like I think they should. Wondering if anyone here has experienced any of this. Thanks for any help.

1. I would like to set up 3 pump circuits with different flow RPMs. I can set up two of them and select Pool Section in the "Show on:" under ScreenLogic Display, but any more circuits I create the "Pool Section" is non existent in the drop down, only Spa Section, Features Section and Don't show.
   
2. I would like one of the circuits to automatically turn on the heater, but when I press choose heat source on the iOS app for any circuit nothing happens.
   
3. When my pool is running a circuit and I try to turn on the pool heater it says it is heating in the app but the heater is not on and the red flame does not show in the app under pool. If I turn on the spa then the heater kicks on for the spa, then I have to stop the spa and put it back on the pool circuit and hit heater again and it works. Has anyone experienced this?
   
4. How do I get everything (screenlogic, phone apps, control panel) to show current pool and spa temp. It is showing last temp (last time the heater was on)?