Quotes about ex husbands

I've reconnected with my oldest child's father who I loved very much and was heart broken when spilt over 30 years ago due to circumstances. He was very young and not mature enough to handle becoming a father. We broke up when I was pregnant but got back together after then broke up a few months later. He was and is my first love. I never judged nor caused parental alienation or said anything bad about him. he just disappeared from our lives. I got on with my life got married and had another child and divorced my ex-husband due to his cheating and gambling addiction. Again I never stopped him from seeing our child even though he was a terrible husband and awful provider he was and is my child's father and he learned to earn the title dad in the last 7 years. Now my oldest child's father came back into our oldest life after getting married and having his own family and realised how much he missed out on due to his fear and possibly parental pressure to split with us as he was an only child and I was older than him. He paid back payment child support and maintenance until he was 18. They really connected a few years later to which I've encouraged and I'm so glad and grateful for advice I was given in keeping that door opened for their relationship. Now the ex boyfriend has been divorced for some years and we just vibe the same way as before. We are friends lovers and confidants. He is the right person but we met at the wrong time. I love who we are now as people, I have no regrets for the past because of we have kids from other relationships. How do we go about telling all our kids that we love and want to be together ❤️

I’ve been lurking here for a few years, trying to find ways to deal with my partners extreme mood swings and anger. This is my first post, so if that’s inappropriate, I’m sorry. I'm also sorry if the tone of this post is inappropriate, I just need to get it off my chest with people who may have experienced similar things. I want to also clarify that I know Bpd doesn’t MAKE you an ass, my ex just loved to use his diagnosis as a reason to abuse me and not take accountability for it.
He has a 9/9 presentation and it was constantly taken out on me. For 10 years. I feel like a few months ago I finally got the ick for how he was treating me and then eventually reached my boiling point and we had a blow-out fight a few days ago where I finally screamed and yelled at him. I really got in his face and didn’t let him not respond and just kept yelling. Then when he acted upset and hurt and “scared” by it I quoted him directly and went ”Oh, so I’m just NEVER allowed to be ANGRY?? Can’t ever have a negative emotion?” and he seemed to really not understand that that’s what he says about twice a week while he slams shit around the house and terrifies our pets and me. I can’t tell you how nice it was to let it all out. I don’t even care that I have to pack up 26 years of shit in 30 days because I just feel so awesome about not getting treated like that every day and waking up at 7am to him already being a whiny baby about nothing.
I feel so free. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt this relaxed and content in my life. I feel like I was developing more bpd symptoms the longer I endured his treatment and it already feels like it's melting away because I'm just out. I’m not paranoid anymore (cheated on me constantly - my friends literally think his secret gf is pregnant and that’s why he was fucking with me so bad the last few weeks 😂 to get me out of the house and move her in) I feel good about my body, I’m sleeping better than I have in years, and not to be nsfw, but without someone pawing at me 24 hours a day and constantly being vulgar towards me I FINALLY feel like my sex drive is coming back. I’ve literally only been out of his house for like 3 days and I already feel like that was months ago. I’m hanging out with new friends and enjoying going on nature walks and exercising without someone leering at me and trying to touch me. I’m excited to see what life is like away from the abuse he put me through constantly. I’m excited to just not be treated like shit and then get blamed for it cause he “can’t help it with his Bpd!” But then also won’t to therapy regularly, won’t take meds, won’t even do a goddamn work book on his own cause it’s “too hard” - as if being around someone who regularly acted like he couldn’t stand me was easy. Literally the only part about this I’m currently feeling negative about is the 3 pets who are used to me being home almost all the time and him working 12 hour shifts + sleep gives him maybe a few hours to care for them properly daily. They will suffer and be lonely and he will probably keep staying out til 2am anyways to get plastered with his divorced alcoholic “friend”that he claims to hate and cut off but always crawls back to, probably because he’s so similar to my exs own mother.
Everything just feels so exciting. I get to find a new place to live and decorate and unpack and organize only how I want to - nothing has to go on top shelves where I can’t reach. I can read without someone saying I’m “intentionally trying to seem busy so we can’t talk” I can watch tv shows and movies without someone walking in and getting butthurt cause they wanna watch it, too, now that I’m 4 seasons in or whatever. I can wear whatever I feel like and no one’s going to be gross about it in my own home. I don’t have to worry when he’s out with friends that they’re talking shit about me and instigating a fight without me even knowing - this spineless and easily swayed, angry man is gone from my life and I am FREE

Long time lurker of this reddit. I wanted to share my journey since I benefitted from so many others sharing theirs. I moved to the U.S. in 2009 for college, so this has been a really long journey. My status has been F1 -> H1B -> F1 (PhD) -> F1 OPT -> AOS (USC spouse). Receipt block: IOE09200. More details are below:
May 2023: My EAD was approved extremely quickly. I thought this was a good sign but it really doesn't mean anything. This was followed by a long period of radio silence (9-10 months) where the rest of my case was just stuck on "Case Received".
Jan/Feb 2024: Finally, I got my husband to submit some unsolicited evidence (new lease, naming each other as beneficiaries in life insurance) through his USCIS account. Less than two weeks after this my AP was approved.
March 2024: I chatted with Emma and found out that my case had been moved to the LA County FO at the end of Feb. I assumed this meant that my interview might get waived since it's not my local FO.
April 2024: I was closely monitoring CaseStatusExt. My receipt block peaked in the first two weeks of April and I still hadn't heard anything. In mid-April my husband submitted our joint tax transcripts to his portal as unsolicited evidence. We also contacted our "congressional rep" (it's in quotes because we live in D.C. so technically don't have any representation in Congress). One of her aides got back to us extremely quickly and said he would submit an inquiry through the office. I don't know if it was the tax transcripts or the congressional inquiry, but on April 19 the I-130 was approved, and the next day the I-485 was approved.
May 2024: I finally have the GC in hand and just applied for Global Entry :)
Overall, I gave this process more energy and mental space than I should have. It was so hard to not obsessively check all the sites on the off chance that I was one of the lucky ones that got approved in 2 months. It seems like the median USC AOS case will take about 12-14 months. So if you can, try to live life as normally as possible for a year. I just hope I can take my own advice when it's time to remove conditions!
tl;dr: Don't be afraid to use the unsolicited evidence portal. Once your receipt block peaks contact your congressional rep.

⚠️TW: CHILDHOOD SA/R*PE, POTENTIAL VERBAL ABUSE, POTENTIAL MENTAL ABUSE, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLICS ⚠️
So I (18f) live with my grandmother (62f) and my mother (46f). Now, because it’s kinda relevant, my grandmother is sober she only drinks on occasion and hasn’t been drunk in years, I smoke weed as I use it to treat my epilepsy and anxiety caused by my epilepsy and have been doing so since 13 but everything else from other drugs to alcohol doesn’t interest me I see no point, my mother takes pills like Xanax basically anything that will put her to sleep she smokes cigarettes as well as weed and has been an alcoholic since 16 and has tried multiple times to be sober. The longest she’s been sober from alcohol was 4 years back when I was 6-10 when she met her ex husband (who was an ex meth addict and left us for meth, ironic) but every other time she’s been sober from alcohol it’s been off and on for short periods of time. Now, to clarify my mother is a victim of r*pe, from ages 4 to 14 she was assaulted by her carer and beaten by her other carer. She finally escaped and went into the Australian childcare system when she was 12 but her carers still had unsupervised visits with her until 14. She went to mandatory therapy for 25 years. Had her first child at 16, her second at 19 and me her last at 24 all with the same man my father a commercial fisherman who was abusive emotionally, physically and financially. So basically my mother has been through hell and has never felt loved.
In 2018 my mother got back in contact with a guy she went to school with, let’s call him Greg. Greg is divorced, an alcoholic, a typical metal head, had diabetes type 1, is the baby of his family and still lives with his sister and her husband. Mum was pretty rocky at this time, one moment she wanted to be better then the next she was giving up saying nothing works. In 2020 my mother and I moved in with my grandmother her mother. She was still with Greg and still super rocky so I left and moved in with my father for 6 months then moved back in with my mother and grandmother. Her and Greg were going through some issues, me and mum become kinda close at this time. She’d vent to me and stuff. So basically he kept saying he was going to buy them a place then would go back and say he wanted her to move in with him and his sister.
Now, 3-4 weeks ago he broke up with her because there was this wedding they were meant to go to with his family but his mum invited his ex wife (his family hates us) and his sister said she could sleep in Greg’s room and replaces Greg’s photos of him and my mum of old photos of Greg and his ex wife. For the first day or two mum just drank and popped pills, she was really depressed. Then she got better, she got into this health kick. She stopped drinking and started saying she wasn’t interested, she was working out and going on walks, talking about all this super healthy stuff. She was doing great, for the first week I doubted it would last so just ignored her. I was kind of rude that week because frankly I was tired of her shit, I knew were this was going and hated her for it. The second week I started to help her, we were declutterring her room and everything. I was hoping since it lasted a week it might last and maybe I can have a real actually loving relationship with my mother. This week? She said to me last night as she was on her 5th double shot can of Jack Daniel’s she was done, she said she was tired of not seeing the results and was giving up.
This really hurts me, I’m moving out soon. My original plan before Greg left was to move out and cut my family off, I’ve spent my life trying to make them love me only to realise two things. They love the me they want me to be and you can’t force people to love you, no matter how much you love them. When my mum started to do better I said to her “I hope you know this is your last chance to have a relationship with your last child” (to clarify, my sister her oldest cut contact only to go backwards and keep talking to mum, my brother her second cut contact and only speaks to her through our sister usually for money) and I was really hoping she’d be better and I wouldn’t have to cut her off. Since she’s been going back into her pit I’ve been a bit frustrated and been giving her a bit off shit I know she DOESNT appreciate. I give her looks when she mentions alcohol or I say things like “are you sure you want to do that👀”. Now I’m kind of planning on cutting her off again.
Basically, what I want to know is would I be the asshole for cutting her off? Would be the asshole for not cutting her off? I’ve always said I want to be better than my parents or siblings. As humans we are hypocrites, we are selfish but my family are also two faced and loveless. As humans we are also selfless and kind and I will be what my family can’t be. But I know they have hearts even if they aren’t sure how to use them, but who am I to tell someone how to use their heart. They aren’t loving me the way I want to be loved but am I loving them the way they want to be loved, but is that their job? Is that my job? I want to do the right thing by me, but to do that I can’t hurt anyone, and that’s just not possible. How do I leave them knowing I love them still?

My husband and I are married over 30 years. In college he lived with a girl and did just about everything with her best friend and the best friend's boyfriend. The best friend friended my husband on FB. He has not seen or spoken to either one of these women in over 30 years, since him and the Ex broke up. I should mention that on our first date he talked about this ex-girlfriend and I've always thought he was harboring feelings for her. He now says he talked about her on our first date because he wanted me to think he had game. He voluntarily unfriended the best friend. AIO by being threatened by this Ex?

I've read so many posts on this topic, we are heading to Iceland Friday so just want to make sure I'm stressing over nothing.
We plan on using a Bank of America travel rewards cc for most things while we are there - It's chip and tap capable. I've read they are pin capable too (the card is in my husband's name, I'm an authorized user). Should he bother calling them to try to get a pin set up last minute or should we be good since it's a tap and go style. For gas we'd just planned on getting gas cards once we get there. I have an AmEx card and had only planned on using it for our car rental (I checked with the rental company, they do take AmEx). I don't have a pin for it, but am assuming since it's a tap card, I can sign for it if need be.
Both of our phones have mobile wallets, but we haven't gotten them set up - I've used Samsung Pay before but after my phone last update, it deleted my info and never bothered setting it back up.
I guess my main ask is if so long as we use the tap card option to pay and there is a person at the register, we should be good, right? I've been to Scotland 3x and never had to worry about this when I went there so this is a new concept for me. I'm also very hesitant on using my debit card out of the country (i only use it now to pay off my credit card now) because someone tried to get a credit card in my name last fall due to one of the many security breaches leaking my info - its made me a bit paranoid since then so just feel more comfortable using my credit cards for things.
Thanks in advance (and sorry for beating a dead horse on this topic, I know it's brought up a ton).

I (35F) want to leave my abusive husband (32M combat veteran) so badly but I don't know the best way to do it. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm begging for help, insight, any reassurance...
He says he used to have major anger issues but I never thought he would take them out on me. He has PTSD and a traumatic brain injury which makes his moods unpredictable.
I talked to his ex two days ago and she said he shoved her once, put his hands around her neck during a flashback, and also had a gun pointed at her during a flashback. He said they were engaged but she insisted they never were. She also said he was supposed to pick her up from the airport one time but he texted back saying he couldn't, because he wasn't sure if he was going to do something bad to her.
His abuse started when we moved in together while we were still engaged. I found out he had been on Onlyfans at the beginning of our relationship and just shortly before we got married... I was angry but I downplayed it and thought I could get over it. All it did was cause massive trust issues that have never healed and never will. He was subscribed to one of his exes and he also messaged one of the girls asking to meet just shortly after I stayed the week at his place for my birthday.
I spiraled mentally once the anger phase passed (severe depression and anxiety) and told him what I saw. He tried to deny it but when I said I knew his "pictures" he caved and said he wished I never told him and punched the headboard of our bed. He's my only source of comfort so I went to him countless times telling him I was still struggling with my trust issues and worried about whether he was still looking at other women, because he is subscribed to tons of women like that on Instagram and Tiktok. I started snooping looking for any evidence I could get so I could finally convince myself to leave him.
Everytime I confronted him about what I saw he made excuses and flew into a rage at me for snooping, screamed in my face, threw objects and furniture around (including our wedding rings and he broke my engagement ring in the process), punched walls, threatened divorce, demanded me to leave, or walked out without saying where he was going which made me call the police one time to look for him. I blamed myself because I was the one snooping and I told myself how would I feel if my partner constantly snooped on me? I blamed myself for everything and still kind of do. But he says it's his fault I'm like this and he just has to deal with the consequences.
Other times he says he has changed and it's my fault for getting in my head all the time, that my lack of trust is always so hard on him, and that my depression and anxiety are constantly dragging him down even though he says he's doing everything right to make me feel better. When I come to him to talk he usually sighs or treats it like a chore.
He says he beats himself up everyday for what he did and has apologized multiple times. But I never see any true regret. He told me "everybody else gets over their problems, why can't you?" He says he went through so much worse in the military than I have ever gone through and he got over his problems, so why can't I? That I need to "unfuck" myself and "everybody has depression."
One day when he came home I was feeling very low but he was in a bad mood already and he came at me, screaming that he's getting tired of me always being down and threatened divorce. I asked if he hated me and he looked at me and said in a really frightening way "if I hated you you'd be dead." That crushed me. Another time I got mad and said I was this way because of what he did to break my trust and he screamed at me multiple times to STFU, "waaah waaah waaaah you're always a Debbie downer" and threw in my face "you have no friends." He said he was done with the marriage but I talked him into staying because he has me so convinced the problem is me.
Other things... rough/forceful/demeaning sex... always saying "fuck you baby" in a cutesy way as a way to interact when we're doing our own things separately... slamming a controller down on my knee accidentally because he flew into a rage over losing a game... continuing to yell and saying he wasn't allowed to express anger even when I said it was scaring me... telling me once "I don't THINK I'd ever hurt you" (physically)... almost never helping with house chores and shopping... using me for money even though he makes more than I do with his disability payments... insulting my mother who helps us financially... trying to kick my cat one night when he couldn't sleep.
He's always so mean and critical of complete strangers when we go out and he acts like a macho narcissist who has everything figured out and he knows the right way about everything, like someone who is super opinionated to an obnoxious extent.
There's more but this is the worst of it all.
I read Lundy Bancroft's book asking myself if he's really that bad because 90% of the time he's good and loving. I know what I'm involved in and I know how much I've trauma bonded with him. But I've reached the point where I wake up every day in panic and despair knowing I'm still here and I want to get out. I already tried to leave before with a go bag and my cat but he talked me back. Some days I still try to convince myself the good times are worth staying for because I'm exhausted and I just want a good day for once. I've been miserable for months but I'm a pressure cooker now just waiting to blow. I'm falling apart.
I know I'm going to talk to a divorce lawyer and at least see if I have a case to have him evicted through a PFA. In that case he would be moving back in with his dad but he'd be close by. I could get the locks changed but I wouldn't put it past him to stalk me and try to hurt me (PFA or not -- he is suicidal anyway and has a lot of contempt for laws and the police), vandalize my car, or try to break into the apartment to hurt me or my cat. I don't even know if I would still be happy here where all these bad memories happened. And I wouldn't feel safe for myself or my cat everytime if I left the apartment.
The only other option is moving back in with my alcoholic narcissistic mother (my abusive alcoholic scizophrenic brother lives with her too) who doesn't know how to provide emotional support and hasn't been supportive at all throughout this marriage except financially. I would have to live in her garage, trust her not to let my cat loose if I go out, and make multiple trips back to my abusive husband still in the apartment to get all my belongings and furniture. He doesn't work, he's on school break now for summer so he's always here. I know I can get a police escort but they're not going to wait around for me to pack up the entire place. Almost everything is mine.
My husband might even just volunteer to leave and move back in with his dad like he has done before. I might not even need a PFA. I'm more afraid he'll try to hurt me if I actually get one versus if he just left by himself. I also don't know if he would offer to leave then just try to come back and hurt me before I could get the locks changed. The landlords constantly ignore the residents so I'd have to wait days or weeks for a lock change. Our lease ends next March.
I don't know what to do. All I want is to be by myself again with my cat in a safe place and it seems like no place and no escape plan I can come up with is entirely safe or secure. I'm at a loss but I can't keep living like this.

I recently made a new friend through a mutual friend, and when I saw her email address in a group text, I put her first and last names together and realized she’s my friend’s ex wife. They were divorced long before I met him.
I’ve known my friend for 12 years, we worked together for 10 years. He knows I’ve become friends with his ex wife and he told me it’s okay, it’s been a long time, they’re both different people, and he’s not upset by this.
BUT I have heard that my new friend views my old friend (her ex husband) as her groomer because they started dating when she was 17 and he was 21 and they worked together. They were each others first serious relationships.
I can’t speak to her experience being married to him but if he ever came off like a perv or groomer I wouldn’t be his friend. (I am also a woman.)
So I’m afraid that if I don’t tell her, she’ll eventually put two and two together and realize I know him. I like her and I don’t want her to be uncomfortable around me or feel upset.
Her ex husband and I are friends enough to have gone to each others weddings and kids birthday parties but these days we mostly just send each other memes about parenting.
Do I tell her? Or do I keep it secret?

I'm getting married this year, and I couldn't figure out why everyone was so pissed off about it but it's because my older sister and my dad and talking so much trash, they told my little brother I would invite his ex girlfriend because I'm inviting my older sisters X husband I'm just super annoyed about everything right now and I'm about to un invite everyone and for some questions about my sisters x husband he's my partners best friend from high school they dated got married and divorced in 2 years and we have been together for 6 years, she cheated on him and she's mad she's not in my bridal party but it's honestly because of her reaction right now she asked me to not invite him at all and I just said I'll think about it but come on they've been friends since 7th grade and yall got married and divorced so fast and they are both in new relationships why should it matter

I've been dating a single mom for a few months. She just got divorced 1 year ago from a terrible man. They where high school sweethearts and where together for 10 years, since she was 17. The husband was a pretty terrible guy. He would scream, put holes in walls, break TV's, break other things, have her crying on the floor while screaming at her. He got caught with dating profiles, messages to other girls, and had been caught buying prostitutes several times during the relationship, including once while she was 5 months pregnant. He has two DUI's. He fights people at parties and bars. He's just all around a piece of shit.
She admitted to me that when she was 22, back when they where boyfriend and girlfriend of 5 years, she broke up with him because he was drinking like crazy. About 6 months after she broke up with him, she slept with his best friend. She immediately regretted it. It was one time and her and the best friend never talked about it or acknowledged it ever again. The best friend was a player, always had lots of women around - but he was also a comfort character in their relationship. Would always break up fights and calm the future-husband down. She became very good friends with the best friend during their relationship and during the breakup went to his house just to hang out no sex in mind and she said one thing lead to another and it "just happened".
6 months later, the future-husband had looked like he cleaned up his act. She got back together with him and never told him. They apparently had a good couple of years. He didn't act crazy or drink for a while. They got engaged and married at 25, had a baby at 26, and then he started all the old bullshit up again and she divorced him at 27. During all this the best friend stayed in the picture, started a business with the husband, and was even going to be the best man at the wedding but dropped out one week before due to a business dispute between him and the husband.
The best friend is completely estranged from her life now, she hasn't seen him since before the wedding. The ex-husband is a crazy bastard, and is still part of her life because of the child. The best friend could reconnect in the future and admit it at some point, but maybe that'll never happen. I understand the husband was a complete piece of shit - but I still am struggling with this. I understand being young and making mistakes, we all have. I also understand not telling the crazy man. But she got back together with him and never told him and let the best friend stay in the picture for years. Never tried to tell the best friend to distance himself. Would let him hang out with them at their house, going on vacations, starting a business with the husband, almost being his best man. She cared more about having her boyfriend back than if it ever got out and people getting hurt. This was only two years ago, and she was a full grown woman of 26 when she was gonna let him be the best man at the wedding without saying anything. What do you guys think?

Today I was in this subreddit and looking at articles related to this case, and am just realizing that a former friend of mine is the ex-husband of Mica Miller.
Well... anyone who knows me who reads this will immediately be able to tell exactly who I am, but please I ask that you dm me privately and do not reveal my name if you recognize this story and want to talk.
Around 2017 (I think), I joined a local bible study group. All the members of this bible study were young adults (aged 20-35 approximately) who met online through Bumble BFF or through mutual friends who went to church together, or just word of mouth, so we didn't all attend one single church or even any particular denomination. Our common factor was that we were around the same age and wanted to meet up and study the Bible. We would meet once a week at Starbucks and talk about a chapter or so at a time.
Through this group I became friends with a lovely girl (who I will refer to as Jane, as in Jane Doe because I do not want to dox her), as well as many other friends I hold to this day, and a man that would become my husband.
After I had known her for a while, Jane met a man outside of our Bible study and started dating him (I'll call him John Doe even though his name is out there publicly). She told me John had previously been married, and had been an assistant pastor at a local church, but that his ex-wife had cheated on him with the head pastor of that church. She said John had to leave his position at that church, got a divorce... it basically ruined his life for a while. He had been truly blindsided and devastated. It was explained to me that the guy who slept with his wife had also been a very close friend of his, and was the officiant of John and this ex-wife's wedding.
John and Jane dated for a while, and eventually got married. My then fiance (now husband) and I were friends with them for years after they were married, and they seemed very happy together.
I hate getting specific, but we are not friends anymore after kind of an awkward disagreement about some religious beliefs. I don't want to make it sound like they have sinister beliefs so I will reveal it I guess... My fiance had to move into my condo with me before we got married because of some very inconvenient circumstances involving his lease expiring a month before our wedding and the house we had bought together not being ready yet to move into yet. John, Jane , my fiance and I were all of the belief that staying celebate before marriage is the way we should live (please don't even comment on this part of the story ... I didn't want to leave it in, but I'm trying to explain that our friendship ended over a pretty stupid but not sinister disagreement. I'm not trying to get into a moral debate).
John and Jane thought my fiance and I would unable to remain celebate housemates until marriage. I still don't think it was ever any of their business, but they were adament in insisting that remaining friends with us while we lived together before marriage would be as bad as them condoning sin. They went through w/ cutting us off after my fiance and I moved in together. It's a shame really. My fiance and I actually were completely abstinent until we got married, but of course there was no way to prove that, nor did I think I should have ever had to discuss such a private topic with them (or anyone other than my partner!) at all. But... the friendship has been over and irreparable since then. It's been years now since I've spoken to either of them.
I haven't thought about them for a while, but today I was researching this case and found a Daily Mail article, as well as several Reddit threads with PHOTOS of John Doe and Mica Miller at their wedding. I truly did not realize until a few hours ago that SHE was his ex-wife, but now the stories are clicking together. It was a huge shock to see his face and name in relation to this situation.
I want to make the statement that you all should NOT be digging into John Doe or his current wife. Even though we are no longer friends, I really respect them both and think they are lovely people. I actually think Mica Miller is the villian in John Doe's story. Of course it does sound like she was groomed and manipulated by John Paul Miller, but she did cheat on John Doe. It embarassed him publicly and cost him many friends, and his job.
(Admins, if you need photo proof that I really know these people, I can provide a lot of screenshots or other evidence. I just don't want to dox them or myself here, and truly am appalled that John Doe's real name is even out there at all),

I do woodworking, and mostly what I sell on Etsy is fairly small. Pens, bowls, serving trays. The largest thing I’ve shipped out is probably 12x20x2.5 inches when packaged and about 5-10 lbs. I don’t remember exactly what it cost to ship, but it wasn’t much. Probably around $20-$30 tops to go from NJ to the middle of the country.
I’ve been considering listing some small end tables I make, but I can’t find a way to ship them that doesn’t basically double the price. The boxes would end up being about 20x20x20 inches and around 20lbs. Quotes I got were (from NJ) to PA - $45, to IL - $85, and to CA - $145. Prices from UPS and FedEx were basically the same and I think USPS was as well. That was also the max size allowed by USPS if I’m remembering correctly.
Is there another way to ship these that I’m missing? I can’t send them broken down (ikea style) as I don’t want the customer to have to build them. Too much room for error, and I want to deliver a finished product. I see plenty of people selling similar sized tables (that I don’t imagine would ship broken down) with free shipping around the $125 - $200 price range, which is what I was aiming to sell my more basic ones for. If I had to ship to CA with free shipping at that price range I’d lose money, and to IL I’d barely cover my material costs after the shipping.
I’ve thought about using calculated shipping but don’t know how I’d be able to compete with other stuff on the platform price-wise

My husband (27M) and I (38M) are doing a trip across Europe at the moment. He’s American and I’m British and we reside mostly in the UK. We’ve had experiences with boomers (too many experiences) but our travels across Europe have been something else.
95% of these boomers were, it seemed, American.
Ok some examples. Brace yourself. Here we go:

1. Venice. A city of tiny islets connected by bridges and where water taxis, gondolas and walking over bridges is commonplace. On approaching a very narrow bridge, I noticed a clump of people. As we got closer I saw a woman shouting, and then I heard her. She’s American, standing with her arms outstretched as to block access and she was SCREAMING: “Don’t walk on this bridge!! WE ARE TAKING PHOTOS ON OUR CELLPHONES!” Behind her, her friends were all posing while simultaneously struggling to operate their phones. Obviously people were just ignoring her, so she’s becoming irate. By the time we got to her I can’t help myself (I never have been able to) so I said: “Get fucked lady.” I think my backpack might have hit her as I pushed past her. Ooops.
2. At a water taxi station, a group of 8 or so boomers didn’t have the correct tickets to scan to get on the water taxi so they just PUSHED the ticket barriers until they gave way so they could board. This was noticed by the taxi boat staff, however, and the departure of the boat was delayed while they had to summon the police.
3. On a taxi gondola (one that goes directly across a canal, not one that takes you on a romantic tour) a boomer boarded after us. The ‘driver’ tells him in clear English to sit down. He doesn’t comply, instead choosing to parade up and down causing the gondola to destabilise and even for water to come aboard, even before we’ve left the port. He has the absolute temerity to tell the driver to “KEEP THIS THING STEADY! I'M TRYING TO TAKE PHOTOS YOU IDIOT!” The driver tells him to either sit down or leave (obviously not an option in the middle of the canal). He reluctantly obeys but as he sits down he mutters something like “… won the second world war!”
4. We went to an ultra high end restaurant on our final night in Venice and at the table next to us are a couple of American boomers. The man had a very unusual complexion, looking like he’s spent far too long in the sun. When their bill came, he threw a FIT because they won’t accept AmEx. “This is FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS!” He screams at the waiter who is about 18 and doesn’t really understand what is being said to him. “WE USE THIS CARD ALLL THE TIME AT HOME!” I leaned over and said: “Errrrrr, so in Europe AmEx isn’t often accepted because of the very high transaction fees. Perhaps you could-“ to which he snapped at me: “Mind your own fucking business! Nobody asked you or your boyfriend.”
5. In Zürich, we had to contend with a boomer who kept getting in the way of us taking photos. It was like he was deliberately standing in our way. At one point he seemed to almost accidentally touch my husband. Eventually I said: “hey bro, we’re trying to take a picture of us together. Can you give us some room?” To which he snapped: “You don’t own this hill you know!!”
6. We had a 7 hour train journey from one country to another. We had a first class reservation. Once we boarded, we found two boomer couples sitting around a table, which our two seats were part of. I explained we had a reservation. One of them said: “Well you can’t have, we have this table.” I produced the reservation and said: “You can clearly see it says we are in this coach, in first class, in these seats. Can I see YOUR reservation?” They refused, with the man from the other couple saying: “You don’t even look like you can afford first class tickets, son. Why don’t you run along before I get security?” I turned to my husband and said: “Go and get someone.” He did so, and they spent the next 15 minutes berating me, saying I’d be “very embarrassed” when I am told to leave the train. One of them even said: “Yeah they’ll show you up like the poor you are.” Husband returned with ticket inspector who looked at our tickets and then asks them to produce theirs. They argue briefly, and upon being threatened with removal from the train, produce tickets four second class with no reservations. The inspector tells them to leave the first class section “immediately or this will be a matter for the police” (which she said in French so I had the great pleasure of translating). They reluctantly got up to go and made a HUGE huff and puff about it. One of them pulled his bag off a luggage rack and managed to hit a child sitting near the rack with it, and then verbally abused the child’s parents when they dared to complain. At the next stop the train stopped for about 30 minutes and announcements were made that there was an “unexpected delay”. The ticket lady from before came to tell us that the four of them had been asked to leave because of their behaviour in second class, refused to do so, and therefore the police were brought in.
7. In Prague, went to a very old family owned restaurant. One of the family is a university student who happened to get talking to a boomer couple. He’s studying computing science and artificial intelligence. They tell him he is “contributing to the end of humanity”. The male boomer adds: “I was teaching people how to use Microsoft 20 years ago, I know what computers can do! And this is very dangerous….!” Needless to say, this 19 year old who understands only basic English was very confused.
8. In Milan, a boomer couple walked past me in a shop and I heard the woman say: “Fucking useless, this Italy. Everyone here speaks in foreign.”
9. In an airport to travel from Germany to Zürich, a boomer couple decided to start regulating the line to board the jet. They stood in the way of the gate desk, letting only older people past and holding younger people back. I snapped at once: “What are you doing? Get out of the way, man” and as I walked past him I heard “… elders first! Elders first!” When I was on the jet and seated, the wife came up to me ONCE WE WERE IN THE AIR and said I had been “very disrespectful” to her husband and “you are now required to apologise.” My husband, seeing I was on the verge of committing a murder, said: “Look, you got your moment of glory earlier in controlling the queue. Take your pound of flesh and fuck off.” She then snaps: “OR WHAT?” to which my husband calmly replies: “Or we make a complaint right now about your disruptive behaviour onboard an aircraft. Don’t tend to like that, the Swiss.” And then he sits down and instantly puts his AirPods in and turning away from her. I had to look out of the window so she didn’t see me smiling.
10. In Milan we visited a museum showcasing technologies through the ages. It was enormous, and very comprehensive. In one display case they have an original Macintosh from 1984. As I stand looking at it, I became aware of some raised - distinctly American - voices. “What the hell!! Are they saying they MADE the computer?!!? WE MADE THE COMPUTER.” I can’t resist (again) and turn to him and say to this group of 6 boomers: “Actually, ladies and gents, the modern inventor of the computer is Alan Turing, an English guy who broke the German’s Enigma code during World War 2. This Macintosh is here just because of its historical significance-“ I didn’t get any further cos he cut me off with “UGH. So it’s the ENGLISH stealing our tech now!”

I am writing this because we were both have been genuinely taken aback by what we have experienced. I have travelled extensively in Europe and never quite come up against this before, so I don’t know if it means that the Boomer problem is getting worse or what.

TW: Domestic violence, miscarriage
First time on here. I am extremely fragile about this case, so please be kind. I am a female in my late twenties. I have changed a few things for anonymity. I am located in the Carolinas.
To provide a brief overview of my situation, several years ago, I removed myself and my children from a domestic violence situation. Despite leaving, I have yet to receive any child support or financial assistance from my ex-husband. However, my main concern is the safety and well-being of my children, particularly my partially non-verbal severely autistic son, who requires specialized care and protection. I have done fine providing, but don't have much (if any) disposable income. My son is the only child he has rights to.
These events happened either in front of the children, or down the hall from them. My ex-husband has demonstrated a pattern of abusive behavior, including physical, mental, and emotional violence in front of the children. He has also made threats to kill me and kidnap the kids, and taken actions of harm towards me, and shown disregard and neglect for our son and his needs. Additionally, his abuse led to a miscarriage. I told him about the pregnancy, and I guess he decided it was his decision on if it was terminated or not.
Last year, I was not properly served with the divorce and custody papers, which were signed for at an address where I have never resided. I have diligently pursued legal avenues to ensure the safety of my children, including filing motions for dismissal and continuance to give me more time. I haven't heard back about the continuance. However, due to financial constraints, I have been navigating this complex legal process largely by myself. The final trial is coming up and while I am happy to be divorced, I have not had adequate time to prepare for the custody case. I have filed a Motion to Dismiss by Rule 12 which is set at the end of June 2024, as well as a Motion of Continuous for the custody trial, which was scheduled without my input for the end of this month, May 2024.
Recently, I was misled by an attorney who took advantage of my limited financial resources without providing meaningful assistance. Consequently, I find myself facing a final trial without proper legal representation. Despite my efforts to manage the paperwork and gather evidence over the past four years, I recognize the need for experienced legal counsel to navigate the complexities of this case effectively.
My children and I had an Order of Protection, and later a Show Cause. He was arrested at the time an incident happened between us requiring me to go to the hospital. During this order, I was required to communicate with him via email about my son, which I did, and even let him do video calls with him. However, once the Order of Protection expired, he became hostile with me, so I stopped reaching out due to my his behavior. Not to mention the mental harm it did on my children and I (PTSD). While I left open the main line of communication, I refrained from further contact out of fear for our safety and mental well-being.
I am deeply concerned about the well-being of my children, particularly my son, who has been subjected to neglect and emotional distress by the actions of his father, and the lack of his caring of what is best for the children, namely my son. He doesn't even know his birthday, and hasn't attempted to reach out in over a year. His family has never once tried to connect, and never particularly cared to begin with. I TRULY believe all of this is just to get to me because he knows that my children are the most important things to me, and as a true narcissist, doesn't care who is in the way, including young children.
I have diligently documented and compiled evidence to support my case, including copies of court orders and relevant documentation. I have prepared for this trial as though I will have to proceed alone. However, I recognize the limitations of my own legal knowledge and resources in securing a favorable outcome for my children's safety and welfare. I don't want this to come out badly for my son just because I don't have anyone. It's frustrating because I am providing everything for these babies, without help, and he is able to pay for an attorney no problem. Even if he couldn't, his family could.
I will take any comments on this that may help me. I have reached out to what seems like every legal aid group and countless attorneys. I am terrified...

so recently my friend of 2 years dropped me for no reason and just ghosted me and my entire existence when she sees me. i never trashtalked her or spread rumors about her, im also kinda quiet so nobody would make stuff up about me making stuff up about her. she also has more friends now but idk if this would just make her decide to throw 2 years of friendship down the line. the only other reason i can think of is her ex calling me but in a platonic way because we were already friends prior to their relationship (the guy was literally friends with every girl in the class), they ended on somewhat terms (i think), and the guy already knew who i liked (which was another guy and he even hooked me up with him) so i don’t think he had any ill intent. the first time he called me, i told her since i was also texting her at the time and i texted smth along the lines of “ur boytoys calling” and she seemed indifferent and kind of implied or said idc but the details of it arent too clear in my head. also im kinda concerned about him because he also “snip snips” himself. he also calls other girls, some of which are closer friends with the girl that dropped me so i never thought it was a problem. also our convos were short, just brainrot quotes, and it’s lowk kinda refreshing to not have to talk about something of somebodys interest all the damn time, but this was the only other thing i could think of that would make her want to drop me. i also want advice to make me feel better because i cant enter the same vicinity as her and i spend my lunch period in the bathroom now because shes in the cafeteria (even today my teacher was about to force me to go in the cafeteria but only stopped when i started crying. im not tryna seek attention from this sentence but im just trying to demonstrate why i need closure). idk how to stop these feelings because each time i see her, she resurfaces memories of her leaving me in middle school to go to other friends or just leaves me out. during our friendship, i constantly catered conversations to her interest and even educated myself on kpop lore so she would stop being dry and give one word responses. the only other times she’d be invested is when theres gossip and im just so drained from those times so in a way, im kinda glad she dropped me, but I still feel like dogwater. i just need to know if i did smth wrong, and if so, what was it because it’s been bugging me for 2 months and she’s so popular n everybody loves her so idk what i did wrong

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

I recently found out my nephew was duped by a woman from the Philippines. He was so in love with her, they got married and she got her green card expedited because she passed the nursing exam here in the states. She went back to the Philippines to see her kids and now told my nephew she has rekindled with her ex-husband and she will be coming back to the states but moving to New York and will be sending all her money to her family there. He lives in California. My nephew is devastated, but doesn't want to divorce her and put her green card at risk. He says he will divorce her in five years when her green card expires. Part of me wants to report her but the other says to stay out of it. I am worried about her later trying to take part of his retirement. Any advice?

I (F) have a best friend (F), basically wayyyy before me and my female girl best friend met I had a guy best friend.
When I met my gbsf (we’re gonna call her Lana and we’re gonna call her ex Alex) when I met Lana I was already best friends with Alex eventually Lana and Alex liked each other and ofc they told me they liked the other.
Lana told me she liked Alex and Alex told me he liked Lana so without selling the other out to them I got them together everything was perfect for 8 months until they started arguing, they would ask for my opinion and I opted to stay out of it. (Cause they’re both my bsfs tf I supposed to help you w?)
When they broke up it was so messy, tears, fighting,screaming, petty remarks , rumors, Lana threw milk on Alex at one point (just acting like children)
Anyways, recently it was Alex’s birthday I posted on my Snapchat “Happy birthday ”Alex” you’re a good friend and I’m grateful for you “ I said happy birthday because for my birthday he got me presents and said happy birthday to me I’m obviously gonna have fucking manners and be cordial?
Whatever whatever said happy birthday he said thank you, later in the day Lana swipes up Saying “crazy.” I said “I’m sorry, are you upset ?” She said “Ian even mad ts js weird you told me he was flirting with you and now you’re writing paragraphs about him?”
FIRSTLY, after they broke up he would try to flirt with me but I told him to shut it down and it makes me uncomfortable and he stopped and ofc I told her (that’s my bsf fuck?) but I’m sorry paragraphs about him? Baby I wrote 3 SENTENCE WORTH I WROTE 12 WORDS. And one of those words was tagging him.
Anyways she called me weird and said she wasn’t mad she was js finding it weird, but then Lana’s little sister texted me saying “why are you fucking writing paragraphs about him when yk how badly he hurt Lana” first of all it was 12 fucking words..I told her “it was a couple words he got me stuff and said happy birthday on my birthday all I said was happy birthday I don’t get the issue with this ?”
Lana’s little sister proceeded to ridicule me (she’s in 5th grade I’m not finna argue w a child 😂😂😂) and I js said okay, when this all started and Lana texted me she told me I sajd “I love you “ to him but I never did that was another girl so, what? Anyways our texts went like this
Me - “ Then I don’t remember saying I love you to him but on some real shit I’m sorry if I upset you n shit I would be mad too ik you deserve better n I rlly don’t wanna fight w you abt smth like this n I get where you’re coming from 100% you’re absolutely right n shi n honestly I’m sorry about making you feel like that I’m glad you told me and I’ll work to fix it At the end of the day you’re my bsf n I consider you a sister to me n you have every right to be mad I’ll give you space n shit to js think n be alone “
Lana - “okay well that’s still fucking weird”
Now here’s we’re I’m upset about, Lana is BEST FRIENDS WITH MY FUCKING EX.
My ex cheated on me, abused me, played w my feelings, barely committed to me, spread rumors about me etc. but Everytime he tries talking to her or play fighting her she play fights back or gets all giggly and laughs.
You’re mad at me for saying happy birthday but you wanna be friendly to someone who genuinely hurt me, I’m not saying he didn’t hurt her but I know everything that happened and I’m not finna put my homegirls business out there cause she still my day 1 idgaf but the beef was miscommunication over him play fighting girls.
I get you could be going through it but you not finna sit in my face and say I’m fucked up when you over here having Kumbaya moments.
Anyways sorry this js long but I genuinely love this girl I’ll take any advice or opinions you guys can give me I don’t wanna loose this girl I just can’t loose her she was with me when a loved one committed suicide she was with me when my dog died she’s been through it all with me
AITAH?
Edit 1 - I took someone’s advice and I told her she can’t control who I’m talking to but I understand why she wouldn’t like it I told her I’m uncomfortable with her being friends with my ex she proceeded to say im flipping the situation to make me look like the victim and lately she thinks I’m acting shady, weird and stuff I do is starting tk annoy her
For example she told me that when they broke up she thought I would have taken her side and completely cut him off she said she felt betrayed and that I was flirting with him because he doesn’t bring lunches to school (we’re juniors in high school) so I always offer some of my food (I always bring an extra yogurt or sandwhich or whatever I made that day because I know he’s gonna be hungry) and when I gave him my food she thought it was my “excuse to talk to him” I told her that’s ridiculous and I’d never let someone to hungry especially if I have extra food
I’ve been looking at her reposts on TikTok (yes I’m a stalker I js missssss my girlllll ) and she’s been reposting a bunch of stuff saying “these females doing me wrong” or js shit that says she got betrayed, when I made this post I was angry and needed to vent I worked out took my dog for a walk and now that I’m calm I’m not angry with her I’m just anxious she’s gonna end our friendship and I still don’t see the issue with me wishing someone a happy birthday I told her I was truly just trying to be cordial with him and that if nothing was going on between me and him before they dated nothings going to happen now ESPECIALLY if that’s her ex.
Plus Me and “Alex’s” friend (we’ll call him Leo) have been going on dates lately (dinners, picnics, watching movies at the others house, our families throwing like pool backyard stuff and inviting the other, etc ) so there’s quite literally nothing there between me and “Alex” “Leo”is a sweetheart and exactly my type “Alex” is the bipolar opposite of Leo but the two are best friends I told lana this and she said she wanted time and she didn’t know if she wanted to end the friendship with me because she quote on quote “Doesn’t know if she can trust me” and “doesn’t wanna interact with a potential snake”
She called me a potential snake..
I have no hard feelings towards Lana I’ve never been one to get hurt by words I just wanna let her get all her anger out she started getting disrespectful and I put my foot down and told her
“I know you’re angry but you have no fucking right to disrespect me when I’ve been nothing but logical and understanding with you I’ve tried getting your point and I’m sorry I caused you to hurt I really am but you can’t seem to calm down and be reasonable so please stop blowing my phone up and please only talk to me when you’re open to a logical unbiased conversation”
And I left it with that (I’ll fs give more updates)

Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.