List of words that have the sh sound
Etymology: appreciating word origins
2009.02.06 06:07 Etymology: appreciating word origins
Discussing the origins of words and phrases, in English or any other language.
2013.01.03 20:35 cbrandolino Blunder Years: pictures from a regrettable past.
Do you still cringingly remember "Fuck drugs and government", the hardcore hit of your 15 year self? Have you just found your old myspace picture, xXxLadyDarkness85xXx? Come and share your dusty treasure for the world - and you - to laugh and regret - *Together.* So come and tell us what the old you was up to!
2011.06.03 22:55 Howlinghound What's The Word: For when you can't think of the word you need
Welcome to whatstheword, a community where users help each other to come up with the [perfect, best, ideal, most suitable] word or phrase. Earn community karma by submitting a comment that OP indicates solves their post.
2024.05.14 00:46 Dr-Rath_Dumbledore I should have just known
Apologize in advance this is extremely long.
So the moral of the story is I finally found a name that actually makes me happy. It's been a few months now, and I am beyond grateful to my friends, especially my teachers.
Now, when it comes to family, it's complicated. It's always complicated when it comes to certain things. I had told my mom first in my family, and she didn't have anything apposing to say about my name. I understand that it would be a lot to transition to because the name wasn't normal by social standards. My name, by the way, is Lafontaine, which fits so well with my middle and last names.
I had tired of telling my brother, but he had laughed it off and just walked away. I tried again, and he just tiredly said okay and walked away again. So I kind of just gave up and didn't think about it much; my brother rarely called me by my dead name anyway.
I was still concerned about how he felt about the name, as much as I was concerned about him knowing I was non-binary. I came out as non-binary to everyone in my family, but was worried about my brother's response, mainly because of his past responses regarding trans people. He had both a lesbian friend and a friend who had been dating a trans woman. He would let his lesbian friend smoke with him and hang out, but the moment he found out that his other friend was dating a trans woman, he dropped them and refused to smoke and hang out with him. He thought that it was "disgusting." So I was on the fence about bringing something up like that, knowing his views.
So fast forwarding to today, we were in the car on the way home, and my mom kept dead-naming me the entire way there. Both days have passed since I first told my mom about my name. Like I said, she didn't seem to be bothered by it; she just understood that it was going to take some time to get used to it. Of all the days that went by, she would only use it once in a way that sounded more condescending when I corrected her, and then she just completely stopped calling me that and just called me a different name, which was pumpkin, something that she called me a lot. But it made me realize that she'd rather call me Pumpkin and never call me by that name, and that made me feel some type of way.
So when I corrected her in the car regarding my name, my brother quite literally gave me a lecture. My mother had hopped out of the car and gone to the store, so she left me alone with him. He practically told me that my dead name is my name, and that's it. My mother birthed me, and she named me, so that's my name. She is also not obligated to use a name that I'm comfortable with, and I shouldn't want to change my name because there's nothing wrong with it. He asked me why I changed my name, and I said just because I wanted to; he said it's deeper than that, and so I told him I didn't like it because it was girly, and I guess I shouldn't have expected him to understand that because he said, Oh, other people have that name too. And just because I like girls, I shouldn't have to change my name.
I was baffled and honestly pissed, because what does my liking for girls have to do with the fact that I changed my name? I and he kept going back and forth, and by the time my mom came back, I was just over it. He was saying how it didn't make much of a difference because we are family, and they're allowed to call me by my dead name, but if it was a stranger, he'd get it. He tried saying that I need to be more comfortable in myself even though I've been trying for 7 years hasn't gotten me anywhere but just suffering in the fact I'm being called something that I hate. He didn't see how that was a problem. He was saying a nickname would have been better, which defeats the purpose completely, because I would still be called my dead name and I wouldn't want to be!!!!
I said how disrespectful that sounded for not just respecting my choices, even when he said he loved me and that he's my brother.
After we arrived home, he was like, I'm not calling you Lafontaine, and I'm not going to call you your dead name. I just told him, Don't talk to me, because if you can't address me as anything, then what's the point of talking to me? And he was like, You know what? I'm just going to call you by your dead name. I gave up and told him just don't talk to me in general if that's the case. My mother hadn't said anything regarding this.
I'm still trying to understand if I'm really the problem if I haven't really been communicating well.. Because when it comes to my mother I wouldn't be pushing so hard if I hadn't already knew the fact that she doesn't take these things seriously, and it hurts my fucking feelings everything I try to express to her it's a joke. It seems like pushing so hard to my brother is being fussy if anything she hasn't even tried. I could give a whole list on why I doubt my mother so much. I wish my brother could have responded differently even if that's his way of saying he loves me I'd rather him not love me at all if this is how he wants to treat me.
I'm happy with my name now, I'm at peace with myself. I shouldn't have to feel like I need to change something for the comfort of others.
submitted by Dr-Rath_Dumbledore to NonBinary [link] [comments]
So the moral of the story is I finally found a name that actually makes me happy. It's been a few months now, and I am beyond grateful to my friends, especially my teachers.
Now, when it comes to family, it's complicated. It's always complicated when it comes to certain things. I had told my mom first in my family, and she didn't have anything apposing to say about my name. I understand that it would be a lot to transition to because the name wasn't normal by social standards. My name, by the way, is Lafontaine, which fits so well with my middle and last names.
I had tired of telling my brother, but he had laughed it off and just walked away. I tried again, and he just tiredly said okay and walked away again. So I kind of just gave up and didn't think about it much; my brother rarely called me by my dead name anyway.
I was still concerned about how he felt about the name, as much as I was concerned about him knowing I was non-binary. I came out as non-binary to everyone in my family, but was worried about my brother's response, mainly because of his past responses regarding trans people. He had both a lesbian friend and a friend who had been dating a trans woman. He would let his lesbian friend smoke with him and hang out, but the moment he found out that his other friend was dating a trans woman, he dropped them and refused to smoke and hang out with him. He thought that it was "disgusting." So I was on the fence about bringing something up like that, knowing his views.
So fast forwarding to today, we were in the car on the way home, and my mom kept dead-naming me the entire way there. Both days have passed since I first told my mom about my name. Like I said, she didn't seem to be bothered by it; she just understood that it was going to take some time to get used to it. Of all the days that went by, she would only use it once in a way that sounded more condescending when I corrected her, and then she just completely stopped calling me that and just called me a different name, which was pumpkin, something that she called me a lot. But it made me realize that she'd rather call me Pumpkin and never call me by that name, and that made me feel some type of way.
So when I corrected her in the car regarding my name, my brother quite literally gave me a lecture. My mother had hopped out of the car and gone to the store, so she left me alone with him. He practically told me that my dead name is my name, and that's it. My mother birthed me, and she named me, so that's my name. She is also not obligated to use a name that I'm comfortable with, and I shouldn't want to change my name because there's nothing wrong with it. He asked me why I changed my name, and I said just because I wanted to; he said it's deeper than that, and so I told him I didn't like it because it was girly, and I guess I shouldn't have expected him to understand that because he said, Oh, other people have that name too. And just because I like girls, I shouldn't have to change my name.
I was baffled and honestly pissed, because what does my liking for girls have to do with the fact that I changed my name? I and he kept going back and forth, and by the time my mom came back, I was just over it. He was saying how it didn't make much of a difference because we are family, and they're allowed to call me by my dead name, but if it was a stranger, he'd get it. He tried saying that I need to be more comfortable in myself even though I've been trying for 7 years hasn't gotten me anywhere but just suffering in the fact I'm being called something that I hate. He didn't see how that was a problem. He was saying a nickname would have been better, which defeats the purpose completely, because I would still be called my dead name and I wouldn't want to be!!!!
I said how disrespectful that sounded for not just respecting my choices, even when he said he loved me and that he's my brother.
After we arrived home, he was like, I'm not calling you Lafontaine, and I'm not going to call you your dead name. I just told him, Don't talk to me, because if you can't address me as anything, then what's the point of talking to me? And he was like, You know what? I'm just going to call you by your dead name. I gave up and told him just don't talk to me in general if that's the case. My mother hadn't said anything regarding this.
I'm still trying to understand if I'm really the problem if I haven't really been communicating well.. Because when it comes to my mother I wouldn't be pushing so hard if I hadn't already knew the fact that she doesn't take these things seriously, and it hurts my fucking feelings everything I try to express to her it's a joke. It seems like pushing so hard to my brother is being fussy if anything she hasn't even tried. I could give a whole list on why I doubt my mother so much. I wish my brother could have responded differently even if that's his way of saying he loves me I'd rather him not love me at all if this is how he wants to treat me.
I'm happy with my name now, I'm at peace with myself. I shouldn't have to feel like I need to change something for the comfort of others.
2024.05.14 00:42 throwaway3434xyz Trying to uphold my ethics (school setting)
Hi fellow SLPs, I’m in a really tough place and wanted to seek advice. Pronouns have been changed to protect the privacy of the student. Sorry if this is long-winded, I have a lot to think about.
This is my first year working in public schools. I work with a population of students with complex, high support needs. Mostly AAC, ID, autism, ASL. So far, I’ve had really collaborative parents. They’ve been so open to round table discussion. Lately, I’ve been butting heads against parents who still want to keep their kids in the sub-separate classroom or in therapy services when it is not indicated anymore. I feel this is a denial of FAPE and LRE.
One particular student (ASL is their first language, Deaf+) I’ve had this year has met all their goals (they only had one). The story I got from their staff was that the parent wanted to keep them in speech so they can learn to “speak.” My student has expressed within my speech sessions early on in the year that they do not want to speak. Their language is ASL and they are part of Deaf culture. Their ASL interpreters have affirmed my confusion about why we were working on an “maintaining pragmatic skills via interpreting figurative language” goal when that type of language gets lost in translation. However, they have done spectacular carrying over skills given exposure to figurative language and background knowledge (e.g., Translation of English idioms to ASL, teaching of figures of speech via video examples in ASL) and teaching it back in their own words in ASL. Staff have mentioned their previous SLP expressed frustration about how S/L services have not been appropriate for a while. Previous triennial testing indicated that they could not finish certain tests (e.g. GFTA-3) because they expressed they had a hard time producing sounds.
In a recent meeting for this student’s new IEP, the parent rejected the IEP because I proposed moving to a consult model. Student has met all goals, there are no language or pragmatic concerns, but the parent said they need to stay in speech because “(student) expressed they love speech” and the parent has concerns about communication outside of school in the community. These communication breakdowns occur in unfamiliar places (e.g., not paying attention to surroundings, eloping, not using the restroom or eating in unfamiliar places)…but would this not be a behavioral/psych target if their increased anxiety results in these concerns?
I do not want to give up on this student and want to support them the best I can. I do not think they will continue to benefit from direct therapy (plus having a TOD/ABA on top of speech in the mainstream classroom would be A LOT for this kid who already has anxiety and is a budding teenager who is intelligent and aware of their differences). I have loved and thoroughly enjoyed working with them. Of course I don’t want to let them go - I would work with them forever if I could. I just do not want to overstep my expertise. The student has expressed that they enjoy speech a lot, but this is not a reason to keep them in speech and I feel it is unethical (violation of LRE). Yes, I can target utilization of alternative means to communicate with hearing peers and adults in the community (I already baselined some data and student has fantastic communication repair skills, communicated beautifully via writing and typing). Student already uses the phone to communicate via text with adults and friends.
My ultimate concern is why the team is stepping around this issue to appease the parent when this is no longer in my domain of expertise? Yes, I can work on this skill via a push-in model, but to stretch it a whole year (like the current goal) when they already demonstrate the foundational communication skills at baseline? In addition, student expressed that communication needs in the community setting (e.g., ordering at a restaurant) are done by their family (hearing individuals). In order for this goal to have any impact (again, I am only a school SLP) the student needs the room and opportunity to be independent communicating with hearing individuals outside of the school in order to carryover this skill…
Honestly, I feel like I would be wasting their Medicaid, keeping the student in a more restrictive environment, and we are stuck in the same cycle again.
I appreciate whatever input I get deeply. Thank you for reading.
Note: Using my non-personal account for privacy reasons.
submitted by throwaway3434xyz to slp [link] [comments]
This is my first year working in public schools. I work with a population of students with complex, high support needs. Mostly AAC, ID, autism, ASL. So far, I’ve had really collaborative parents. They’ve been so open to round table discussion. Lately, I’ve been butting heads against parents who still want to keep their kids in the sub-separate classroom or in therapy services when it is not indicated anymore. I feel this is a denial of FAPE and LRE.
One particular student (ASL is their first language, Deaf+) I’ve had this year has met all their goals (they only had one). The story I got from their staff was that the parent wanted to keep them in speech so they can learn to “speak.” My student has expressed within my speech sessions early on in the year that they do not want to speak. Their language is ASL and they are part of Deaf culture. Their ASL interpreters have affirmed my confusion about why we were working on an “maintaining pragmatic skills via interpreting figurative language” goal when that type of language gets lost in translation. However, they have done spectacular carrying over skills given exposure to figurative language and background knowledge (e.g., Translation of English idioms to ASL, teaching of figures of speech via video examples in ASL) and teaching it back in their own words in ASL. Staff have mentioned their previous SLP expressed frustration about how S/L services have not been appropriate for a while. Previous triennial testing indicated that they could not finish certain tests (e.g. GFTA-3) because they expressed they had a hard time producing sounds.
In a recent meeting for this student’s new IEP, the parent rejected the IEP because I proposed moving to a consult model. Student has met all goals, there are no language or pragmatic concerns, but the parent said they need to stay in speech because “(student) expressed they love speech” and the parent has concerns about communication outside of school in the community. These communication breakdowns occur in unfamiliar places (e.g., not paying attention to surroundings, eloping, not using the restroom or eating in unfamiliar places)…but would this not be a behavioral/psych target if their increased anxiety results in these concerns?
I do not want to give up on this student and want to support them the best I can. I do not think they will continue to benefit from direct therapy (plus having a TOD/ABA on top of speech in the mainstream classroom would be A LOT for this kid who already has anxiety and is a budding teenager who is intelligent and aware of their differences). I have loved and thoroughly enjoyed working with them. Of course I don’t want to let them go - I would work with them forever if I could. I just do not want to overstep my expertise. The student has expressed that they enjoy speech a lot, but this is not a reason to keep them in speech and I feel it is unethical (violation of LRE). Yes, I can target utilization of alternative means to communicate with hearing peers and adults in the community (I already baselined some data and student has fantastic communication repair skills, communicated beautifully via writing and typing). Student already uses the phone to communicate via text with adults and friends.
My ultimate concern is why the team is stepping around this issue to appease the parent when this is no longer in my domain of expertise? Yes, I can work on this skill via a push-in model, but to stretch it a whole year (like the current goal) when they already demonstrate the foundational communication skills at baseline? In addition, student expressed that communication needs in the community setting (e.g., ordering at a restaurant) are done by their family (hearing individuals). In order for this goal to have any impact (again, I am only a school SLP) the student needs the room and opportunity to be independent communicating with hearing individuals outside of the school in order to carryover this skill…
Honestly, I feel like I would be wasting their Medicaid, keeping the student in a more restrictive environment, and we are stuck in the same cycle again.
I appreciate whatever input I get deeply. Thank you for reading.
Note: Using my non-personal account for privacy reasons.
2024.05.14 00:42 Lord_Blub some unorganized thoughts
21(I think) male (or at least amab) I'm not sure what to write but I wanna post something so I'm just vomiting some thoughts until I post or delete my draft again.
I'm not sure if I'm actually suicidal, or mentally ill at all but I think that's just the illness gaslighting me.
I know that I don't actually wanna die and it's fixable somehow but it feels so unrealistic. It's getting worse for the past few weeks/months and I know that I was happy to be alive before and probably will be when my depressive episode is over.
I know that I won't kill myself but I'm sad about that. a few weeks ago, I had a random wave of motivation so I visited the social worker at my school and got a list of therapists to call and a little script so I know what and how to say it (social anxiety) but I haven't done anything and my motivation is gone again. just asked a friend to call for me, maybe that's getting anywhere.
but I cannot imagine that it helps. right now, on an emotional level, I have no hope that it's getting better.
no hope for therapy, no courage to kill myself, it's a stalemate. I noticed that I care less about the future, so I live more and more like it's my last day and then have to deal with the consequences the next day. i stopped showering, brushing my teeth, eating healthy, i constantly go to bed way too late even tho I'm extremely tired all the time. it's not like I can't sleep, I just refuse to try.
maybe I just try to get more and more miserable until I'm finally able to kill myself.
I'm porn addicted and keep relapsing since my breakup one and a half months ago. I'm a feminist and hate the porn industry but I kinda stopped caring? I don't know if I could stop if I cared more or if I'm just addicted severely enough that I'm actually unable to.
I feel like I'm not allowed to feel this bad. I don't deserve depression, if you know what I mean. I didn't get traumatized (or just don't realize?), I was a social outcast but I have friends now, I don't struggle with money, in fact I am very privileged because my parents have a lot of money.
I do struggle with every day tasks tho (I think I have autism, adhd or both), maybe that's enough to hate being alive?
my original plan was a train, but I don't really wanna traumatize an innocent train conductor so maybe od? but I barely managed to get my hands on weed, I don't think I'm able to acquire lethal medications. also thought about guns, but I wouldn't know where to get those either. I recently read an autopsy report of someone who killed themselves by swallowing sodium hydroxide and it said that they died a few hours after digestion, even tho I'm a chemistry nerd, that sounds a bit too painful for a coward like me.
when I was in middle school, I spend some time on a suicide note but now I'm just tired of living so I don't bother with that, too much effort.
I think that my emotional bond with friends and family is the only thing keeping me alive, but maybe I'd still be too incompetent if I was alone.
submitted by Lord_Blub to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]
I'm not sure if I'm actually suicidal, or mentally ill at all but I think that's just the illness gaslighting me.
I know that I don't actually wanna die and it's fixable somehow but it feels so unrealistic. It's getting worse for the past few weeks/months and I know that I was happy to be alive before and probably will be when my depressive episode is over.
I know that I won't kill myself but I'm sad about that. a few weeks ago, I had a random wave of motivation so I visited the social worker at my school and got a list of therapists to call and a little script so I know what and how to say it (social anxiety) but I haven't done anything and my motivation is gone again. just asked a friend to call for me, maybe that's getting anywhere.
but I cannot imagine that it helps. right now, on an emotional level, I have no hope that it's getting better.
no hope for therapy, no courage to kill myself, it's a stalemate. I noticed that I care less about the future, so I live more and more like it's my last day and then have to deal with the consequences the next day. i stopped showering, brushing my teeth, eating healthy, i constantly go to bed way too late even tho I'm extremely tired all the time. it's not like I can't sleep, I just refuse to try.
maybe I just try to get more and more miserable until I'm finally able to kill myself.
I'm porn addicted and keep relapsing since my breakup one and a half months ago. I'm a feminist and hate the porn industry but I kinda stopped caring? I don't know if I could stop if I cared more or if I'm just addicted severely enough that I'm actually unable to.
I feel like I'm not allowed to feel this bad. I don't deserve depression, if you know what I mean. I didn't get traumatized (or just don't realize?), I was a social outcast but I have friends now, I don't struggle with money, in fact I am very privileged because my parents have a lot of money.
I do struggle with every day tasks tho (I think I have autism, adhd or both), maybe that's enough to hate being alive?
my original plan was a train, but I don't really wanna traumatize an innocent train conductor so maybe od? but I barely managed to get my hands on weed, I don't think I'm able to acquire lethal medications. also thought about guns, but I wouldn't know where to get those either. I recently read an autopsy report of someone who killed themselves by swallowing sodium hydroxide and it said that they died a few hours after digestion, even tho I'm a chemistry nerd, that sounds a bit too painful for a coward like me.
when I was in middle school, I spend some time on a suicide note but now I'm just tired of living so I don't bother with that, too much effort.
I think that my emotional bond with friends and family is the only thing keeping me alive, but maybe I'd still be too incompetent if I was alone.
2024.05.14 00:41 Ok-Strength448 36M PNW Interested in meeting interesting people
Greetings,
I live in the PNW of America. I travel regularly, lift daily, read anything that will teach me something new. I think many people barely live their lives, they are sucked into netflix and social media more than they are living in the world. Only boring people are bored, there is a world of books, places, and people to explore. Tons of people live like a houseplant. If this sounds about right, shoot me a message.
I would especially appreciate international folks messaging me. I have enjoyed my time in East Asia and would like to give South Korea a try in the near future. I also spent some time in South America last year and am thinking of aiming for Bolivia this winter. Others that have caught my attention lately are the Philippines, Indonesia, and North Africa. The goals of my travel is always to learn something new and expose myself to an environment that takes me out of my comfort zone.
Tell me about wherever you are from and convince me to add it to the travel list.
I am not really capable of maintaining a large number of relationships so my intention is short to medium term. If we really get along though I would be happy to keep talking.
submitted by Ok-Strength448 to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]
I live in the PNW of America. I travel regularly, lift daily, read anything that will teach me something new. I think many people barely live their lives, they are sucked into netflix and social media more than they are living in the world. Only boring people are bored, there is a world of books, places, and people to explore. Tons of people live like a houseplant. If this sounds about right, shoot me a message.
I would especially appreciate international folks messaging me. I have enjoyed my time in East Asia and would like to give South Korea a try in the near future. I also spent some time in South America last year and am thinking of aiming for Bolivia this winter. Others that have caught my attention lately are the Philippines, Indonesia, and North Africa. The goals of my travel is always to learn something new and expose myself to an environment that takes me out of my comfort zone.
Tell me about wherever you are from and convince me to add it to the travel list.
I am not really capable of maintaining a large number of relationships so my intention is short to medium term. If we really get along though I would be happy to keep talking.
2024.05.14 00:41 xxEmo_707xx Personality type.
Personality type
Intp? I guess- still don't understand my self really. Even if I did do so much personality test, it's really no point since my thoughts and perspective changes so much. It's like I don't have a certain personality.
I'm self aware of my changes I guess? But not at certain moments. It's hard to tell people what I'm trying to talk about casue everytime I try to speak it out- I studder. And ending up forgetting what I'm gonna say or what I'm even doing. By the time I remember- it's too late and ending up ruining my chance to get help.
It's like- part of me wants to suffer, since either can't hurt others, I'll hurt me instead.
I try to look for answers about my 'condition' but all i get it very common words and saying "sign of depression". Which Ik I do have- but I feel like that's just not it, because at least depression can be cured unlike a broken mindset- I guess?
I believe I can get fixed- but i don't believe I can be cured? It's really hard to understand what I'm saying- I don't really understand myself because I feel like it's un true and I'm lying to myself. But other times it does feel true.
It's tough trying for help when there's nothing to see that needs to be helped. In the end- people you talk to will just probably think you're lying or wanting attention. It's sucks that knowing that deep down- you know for well there is something wrong with you but just can't find the right words to say it without making sound bad? And for other people that are listening to me- don't understand what I'm saying since they don't have the same problem I'm dealing with myself. I know this seems like I'm thinking only for myself- but I just want answers and learn how to help it- It's like I'm a alien or some being that pretending to be a human, living in this plant or in the universe.
I suffer with memory lost but not that bad, I can remember some stuff I have done vividly. It's like a little picture flash on bad parts I've done. Or hell- even good parts. At this point, I feel like my memories are just slipping away from me and feel put of place. I just feel like im observing myself like I'm in a fucked up movie- with different roles to play as. It's confusing to say what my personality or well being us since I don't feel real or anything around me. It just feels like a game or a story game that's has so much different endings.
No matter what I say or do- what people will tell me and try to help- it just doesn't- satisfied me... Either way- I believe I just have a damaged mind and perspective in life- all I'm gonna see is life it's short and pointless on going.
Taking some personality test- and sometime it always comes out different then my last results... I could be the most rarest personality to the most common personality. And it just goes back and forth and ending up more confused.
It's just know my mental health isn't ok- but I do think it's nothing serious about it for me. So- I just ignore it. Even if it does cause me pain in the end- but ignoring it and trying not make a whole deal about it is the better option.
submitted by xxEmo_707xx to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
Intp? I guess- still don't understand my self really. Even if I did do so much personality test, it's really no point since my thoughts and perspective changes so much. It's like I don't have a certain personality.
I'm self aware of my changes I guess? But not at certain moments. It's hard to tell people what I'm trying to talk about casue everytime I try to speak it out- I studder. And ending up forgetting what I'm gonna say or what I'm even doing. By the time I remember- it's too late and ending up ruining my chance to get help.
It's like- part of me wants to suffer, since either can't hurt others, I'll hurt me instead.
I try to look for answers about my 'condition' but all i get it very common words and saying "sign of depression". Which Ik I do have- but I feel like that's just not it, because at least depression can be cured unlike a broken mindset- I guess?
I believe I can get fixed- but i don't believe I can be cured? It's really hard to understand what I'm saying- I don't really understand myself because I feel like it's un true and I'm lying to myself. But other times it does feel true.
It's tough trying for help when there's nothing to see that needs to be helped. In the end- people you talk to will just probably think you're lying or wanting attention. It's sucks that knowing that deep down- you know for well there is something wrong with you but just can't find the right words to say it without making sound bad? And for other people that are listening to me- don't understand what I'm saying since they don't have the same problem I'm dealing with myself. I know this seems like I'm thinking only for myself- but I just want answers and learn how to help it- It's like I'm a alien or some being that pretending to be a human, living in this plant or in the universe.
I suffer with memory lost but not that bad, I can remember some stuff I have done vividly. It's like a little picture flash on bad parts I've done. Or hell- even good parts. At this point, I feel like my memories are just slipping away from me and feel put of place. I just feel like im observing myself like I'm in a fucked up movie- with different roles to play as. It's confusing to say what my personality or well being us since I don't feel real or anything around me. It just feels like a game or a story game that's has so much different endings.
No matter what I say or do- what people will tell me and try to help- it just doesn't- satisfied me... Either way- I believe I just have a damaged mind and perspective in life- all I'm gonna see is life it's short and pointless on going.
Taking some personality test- and sometime it always comes out different then my last results... I could be the most rarest personality to the most common personality. And it just goes back and forth and ending up more confused.
It's just know my mental health isn't ok- but I do think it's nothing serious about it for me. So- I just ignore it. Even if it does cause me pain in the end- but ignoring it and trying not make a whole deal about it is the better option.
2024.05.14 00:38 craftytoonlover I may be a petty jersey, but at least I got away from a "toxic" friend.
Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
submitted by craftytoonlover to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
2024.05.14 00:34 NeatStranger Repost(You should buy KitHack Model Club (Made by KSP1 Creator))
It's made by the original creator of KSP1(HarvesteR). The building style is very similar to KSP.
For reference I have about 1200 hours in KSP 1 and < 2 in KSP2.
I bought it yesterday, after watching Matt Lowne's most recent video. Still early access, and there are a few bugs here and there. It has a lot of potential, and is a really good value for the money at it's current price.
I spent a couple of hours last night playing the game in multiplayer. So not super in depth, but enough to reccomend it to anyone who likes KSP.
Matt Lowne's Original KitHack video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z21bgMhPjvw&t=79s
Matt Lowne and KSP 1 Creator Talk KSP 2 Drama: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJFGDSi8R5o
There is some really interesting commentary in here, where HarvesteR talks about how he would approach building KSP2 by starting with a completely new concept so the sequel isn't compared directly to the original. Then working towards feature parity later. Part of me wonders if he is thinking this way about this game, or a future title. It definitely feels like this game could incorporate orbital mechanics.
KitHack Steam Page:https://store.steampowered.com/app/2107090/KitHack\_Model\_Club/
My thoughts:
Building:
I was so excited to see most of my keyboard shortcuts and flow transfered seamlessly to this game. I spent most of my time trying to build a plane. The method for creating the main body/fuselage of the aircraift, is genius in my opinion. All of the Aerodynamic Parts and fuselage sections are procedural, so you can pull them into any shape you want, although it did seem like there is a limit to how big everything can go.
Controlling:
The part of the game, in between flying/driving the model, and building the model. Is the weakest and still needs a bit of work. Not that anything doesn't work as it should. This was simply the part that I struggled with the most. After you throw your plane, the camera contextually switches into a "Chase" mode behind the aircraft. It felt natural, and I could feel the difference in control based on how I designed the control surfaces.
Multiplayer:
All good here, we were playing sandbox, no real objective. Everyone loaded in fine, and the game didn't have any issues. The experience was almost identical to when I was playing by myself plus other players. I strapped a paintball gun to my plane, and tried to shoot another player who was driving a boat in the water.
Graphics:
The graphics looked great and ran really well. Take this with a grain of salt thogh. (13900K/4070Ti)
Final Thoughts: I like to build things, but building things in the real world sometimes hurts my ambition when things just don't go the way I want them to. To recharge, I play simulation/building games. KSP1, Stormworks Build and Rescue, Mars First Logistics, Hydroneer, Cities Skylines, and Minecraft on occasion. There is no doubt that KitHack Model club will be a wonderful addition to this list. It scratched the itch in my brain to build stuff. I was thinking about ways to improve the aerodynamic handling of my aircraft while getting ready this morning. It's good, and you should buy it if you can.
[EDIT]
I commented the following down below. These are thoughts that I have been trying to form the right words for and a couple of commenters inspired me to say this:
submitted by NeatStranger to u/NeatStranger [link] [comments]
For reference I have about 1200 hours in KSP 1 and < 2 in KSP2.
I bought it yesterday, after watching Matt Lowne's most recent video. Still early access, and there are a few bugs here and there. It has a lot of potential, and is a really good value for the money at it's current price.
I spent a couple of hours last night playing the game in multiplayer. So not super in depth, but enough to reccomend it to anyone who likes KSP.
Matt Lowne's Original KitHack video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z21bgMhPjvw&t=79s
Matt Lowne and KSP 1 Creator Talk KSP 2 Drama: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJFGDSi8R5o
There is some really interesting commentary in here, where HarvesteR talks about how he would approach building KSP2 by starting with a completely new concept so the sequel isn't compared directly to the original. Then working towards feature parity later. Part of me wonders if he is thinking this way about this game, or a future title. It definitely feels like this game could incorporate orbital mechanics.
KitHack Steam Page:https://store.steampowered.com/app/2107090/KitHack\_Model\_Club/
My thoughts:
Building:
I was so excited to see most of my keyboard shortcuts and flow transfered seamlessly to this game. I spent most of my time trying to build a plane. The method for creating the main body/fuselage of the aircraift, is genius in my opinion. All of the Aerodynamic Parts and fuselage sections are procedural, so you can pull them into any shape you want, although it did seem like there is a limit to how big everything can go.
Controlling:
The part of the game, in between flying/driving the model, and building the model. Is the weakest and still needs a bit of work. Not that anything doesn't work as it should. This was simply the part that I struggled with the most. After you throw your plane, the camera contextually switches into a "Chase" mode behind the aircraft. It felt natural, and I could feel the difference in control based on how I designed the control surfaces.
Multiplayer:
All good here, we were playing sandbox, no real objective. Everyone loaded in fine, and the game didn't have any issues. The experience was almost identical to when I was playing by myself plus other players. I strapped a paintball gun to my plane, and tried to shoot another player who was driving a boat in the water.
Graphics:
The graphics looked great and ran really well. Take this with a grain of salt thogh. (13900K/4070Ti)
Final Thoughts: I like to build things, but building things in the real world sometimes hurts my ambition when things just don't go the way I want them to. To recharge, I play simulation/building games. KSP1, Stormworks Build and Rescue, Mars First Logistics, Hydroneer, Cities Skylines, and Minecraft on occasion. There is no doubt that KitHack Model club will be a wonderful addition to this list. It scratched the itch in my brain to build stuff. I was thinking about ways to improve the aerodynamic handling of my aircraft while getting ready this morning. It's good, and you should buy it if you can.
[EDIT]
I commented the following down below. These are thoughts that I have been trying to form the right words for and a couple of commenters inspired me to say this:
I think that generally I wrote this post because HarvesteR seems to be one of the few people capable of leading us forward. KitHack is not a KSP replacement, but it shows that he has the capability to build something that could be.I should add that if you're playing Kerbal Space Program, strictly for space. You probably won't have much fun with KitHack. However, if like me, you spend the majority of your playthough in the VAB or SPH, then this game will probably be fun for you.
In his most recent interview with Matt Lowne, he talks potential strategy for building and releasing a KSPx(not that it would exist in the same universe due to IP ownership).
He also mentions that a lot of the code for KitHack was built in a modular way that could be ported to a new title in the future.
I bought the game, not because I am dying to play a Model RC game(althgouh I did have quite a bit of fun playing it for the first time). I bought the game, because there is some small chance it's success could lead the team to take on a new project. One the could far eclipse the success of KSP1 and certainly KSP2.
If there is a 1/1,000,000 chance that my $20 helped fund the next great space flight simulator game even 10 years down the line; and I get a pretty fun building/flying/driving/boating game. That seems like a good deal to me. Would I be dissapointed if that never happens? Probably not. I don't expect it, and it probably won't. Would be cool though.
2024.05.14 00:34 Small-Control1470 I just feel nothing for myself, I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I don’t know how to explain the feeling. Some days it’s a lot harder to cope and some days I think I’m getting better and then I remember that this is a constant cycle of battling my thoughts and feelings. These feelings of deep self-hatred or periods of joy for myself never last but they are continually repeated. I hate pretty much everything about myself everyday. From my face, my skin issues, my body shape; and how it’s not feminine enough for me, how quickly, and easily my mental state declines from the smallest inconvenience, the sound of my voice, my body overheating so easily, assuming what others are thinking… the list goes on.
I just don’t know why. Why. please tell me why I have to feel like this everyday. I should be exhausted in a good way from living my life how I want. Instead of sitting in front of a mirror the whole day being obsessed with how my face looks and not even being able to leave my house after scrutinising myself so much. It stops me from living and I just can’t seem to pull myself out most of the time. I say most of the time because I do get some days when I feel much more confident and I will want to meet with friends and go outside and talk more but it never lasts. I wish I could channel that version of me everyday, but I also know that balance is important. I just want a version of me between the severely depressed and confident when I’m not feeling myself 100%. I don’t even know if this makes any sense. This is barely the half or what I feel but anyway. If this has any kind of meaning to someone reading this, or if anyone relates or can suggest anything to implement daily to improve these negative thoughts and feelings I would appreciate it :)
submitted by Small-Control1470 to u/Small-Control1470 [link] [comments]
I just don’t know why. Why. please tell me why I have to feel like this everyday. I should be exhausted in a good way from living my life how I want. Instead of sitting in front of a mirror the whole day being obsessed with how my face looks and not even being able to leave my house after scrutinising myself so much. It stops me from living and I just can’t seem to pull myself out most of the time. I say most of the time because I do get some days when I feel much more confident and I will want to meet with friends and go outside and talk more but it never lasts. I wish I could channel that version of me everyday, but I also know that balance is important. I just want a version of me between the severely depressed and confident when I’m not feeling myself 100%. I don’t even know if this makes any sense. This is barely the half or what I feel but anyway. If this has any kind of meaning to someone reading this, or if anyone relates or can suggest anything to implement daily to improve these negative thoughts and feelings I would appreciate it :)
2024.05.14 00:33 craftytoonlover I may be the A-H and a bit petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
submitted by craftytoonlover to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
2024.05.14 00:32 NoPossibility8581 How to list a referral for someone I met on Reddit?
I met someone on a sub for my line of work after he was posting that he was looking for a new job, and now he has an interview this week. I want to submit a referral for him but I’m not sure how to go about listing him. We spoke a bit professionally about his experience and it sounds like he’d be a good fit for the role but I also don’t know him on a personal level at all and I’m unsure what to put for the “how do you know the candidate” section.
Would something like “professional networking” sound appropriate? I basically just want to give an answer that won’t raise any questions but also can’t really list that he’s a former colleague or anything like that as he lives on the other side of the country and we have no other connection.
submitted by NoPossibility8581 to recruiting [link] [comments]
Would something like “professional networking” sound appropriate? I basically just want to give an answer that won’t raise any questions but also can’t really list that he’s a former colleague or anything like that as he lives on the other side of the country and we have no other connection.
2024.05.14 00:32 fivefingerfury Fallen out of love with creativity, how do I decide where to take my career next? What industries should I consider?
I'm 30 years old with a liberal arts degree from a top university (haha, I know). My motivations are changing and I want to move to a different industry, but I'm not sure where to start.
Up until now, I've always been driven by my desire to make a creative/artistic mark on the world. I worked as an expat in China for several years as a founding member of a major media start-up. I achieved a lot there as a journalist, producing interesting articles and documentaries about life and culture overseas. I drove much of the company's qualitative and quantitative success as a core team member, I loved my work, and I felt connected to my coworkers.
Then the pandemic came, and I got locked outside of China when the borders closed (I'm in Texas, where I don't have a car and I don't have a good professional network). I had to suddenly leave my job and all my possessions, and I entered the beginning of a terrible swing of uncertainty and internal change. I went from being the happiest guy I knew who aspired to greatness, to really being very sad and just wanting to get through each day. That went on for about two years, before eventually, I ended up returning to Asia to work at my old company.
However, when I returned, I had fallen out of love with the work. All the passion and love I'd felt for it had dried up to nothing, and it felt torturous to get up each day and write meaningless clickbait for the surging sea of Google-searchers.
Now I've left the company again, and I feel like I'm not following any path at all. I don't think I want to be a journalist or a writer anymore, the whole industry is in crisis. I'm also feeling more pessimistic about the state of art and creativity in general. While I have plenty of personal passions and interests like martial arts, writing, magic tricks, and adventure travel, none of them offer much in the way of a professional direction.
I don't need to be rich. I feel like I just need to get a job that has the best ratio of effort investment to financial return, so I can spend more time doing the things I enjoy. My liberal arts degree is obviously completely meaningless and my hard skills are limited. My soft skills and social skills are significant:
PROS - I produce excellent quality work which generates strong results (in my last job, this was measured in terms of traffic and views). I'm great in interviews. I'm a strong communicator. I'm good at creating rapport with others. I'm good with words and persuasion.
CONS - I don't have many specialized technical skills. It's hard for me to stay "locked in" for a full 9-5 work schedule. I don't feel any genuine attachment to work now, it's just a way to make money. I don't want to go above and beyond at work.
My question is, how should I go about finding a new industry, and does anyone have any tips for roles to consider? I just want to be paid for delivering a specific, predetermined product, not an endless stream of solutions and performative excitement. Since there's no longer any genuine interest or passion powering my search, I've found it difficult to generate momentum. It may sound silly, but it's a very new feeling for me.
I just feel tired of fighting for a life and a career that "genuinely" interests me, I think I'm ready to just resign myself to the slow monotony of a more standard career path. I want to "give up" while avoiding as much pain as possible, and I'm definitely open to leaving the United States again in order to do that (for instance, if there is a relatively painless work option where the pay is not high enough to continue living here. For example, a low-volume, commission-based sales role where I take a few calls per day would be perfect in that situation.)
TL;DR My success and strategy as a writejournalist/digital content strategist has always been driven by passion and my aspirations, and those things have now dried up for me. The only driver left is money, and I've had difficulty generating momentum in the job search since I have very little network here. What roles or industries could I consider given my background, and given that I'm no longer interested in working hard for the sake of the work itself?
submitted by fivefingerfury to careerguidance [link] [comments]
Up until now, I've always been driven by my desire to make a creative/artistic mark on the world. I worked as an expat in China for several years as a founding member of a major media start-up. I achieved a lot there as a journalist, producing interesting articles and documentaries about life and culture overseas. I drove much of the company's qualitative and quantitative success as a core team member, I loved my work, and I felt connected to my coworkers.
Then the pandemic came, and I got locked outside of China when the borders closed (I'm in Texas, where I don't have a car and I don't have a good professional network). I had to suddenly leave my job and all my possessions, and I entered the beginning of a terrible swing of uncertainty and internal change. I went from being the happiest guy I knew who aspired to greatness, to really being very sad and just wanting to get through each day. That went on for about two years, before eventually, I ended up returning to Asia to work at my old company.
However, when I returned, I had fallen out of love with the work. All the passion and love I'd felt for it had dried up to nothing, and it felt torturous to get up each day and write meaningless clickbait for the surging sea of Google-searchers.
Now I've left the company again, and I feel like I'm not following any path at all. I don't think I want to be a journalist or a writer anymore, the whole industry is in crisis. I'm also feeling more pessimistic about the state of art and creativity in general. While I have plenty of personal passions and interests like martial arts, writing, magic tricks, and adventure travel, none of them offer much in the way of a professional direction.
I don't need to be rich. I feel like I just need to get a job that has the best ratio of effort investment to financial return, so I can spend more time doing the things I enjoy. My liberal arts degree is obviously completely meaningless and my hard skills are limited. My soft skills and social skills are significant:
PROS - I produce excellent quality work which generates strong results (in my last job, this was measured in terms of traffic and views). I'm great in interviews. I'm a strong communicator. I'm good at creating rapport with others. I'm good with words and persuasion.
CONS - I don't have many specialized technical skills. It's hard for me to stay "locked in" for a full 9-5 work schedule. I don't feel any genuine attachment to work now, it's just a way to make money. I don't want to go above and beyond at work.
My question is, how should I go about finding a new industry, and does anyone have any tips for roles to consider? I just want to be paid for delivering a specific, predetermined product, not an endless stream of solutions and performative excitement. Since there's no longer any genuine interest or passion powering my search, I've found it difficult to generate momentum. It may sound silly, but it's a very new feeling for me.
I just feel tired of fighting for a life and a career that "genuinely" interests me, I think I'm ready to just resign myself to the slow monotony of a more standard career path. I want to "give up" while avoiding as much pain as possible, and I'm definitely open to leaving the United States again in order to do that (for instance, if there is a relatively painless work option where the pay is not high enough to continue living here. For example, a low-volume, commission-based sales role where I take a few calls per day would be perfect in that situation.)
TL;DR My success and strategy as a writejournalist/digital content strategist has always been driven by passion and my aspirations, and those things have now dried up for me. The only driver left is money, and I've had difficulty generating momentum in the job search since I have very little network here. What roles or industries could I consider given my background, and given that I'm no longer interested in working hard for the sake of the work itself?
2024.05.14 00:32 Jayski_Upbeat Alpha Release of Lay Of The Land
I wanted to release an early demo copy of the mod that I'm working on: 𝕷𝖆𝖞 𝕺𝖋 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕷𝖆𝖓𝖉
I know everybody on this subreddit is waiting for Mat to drop Hardtime 3d II/Hardtime 3 (whatever yall like to call it)
The progress of the modification
It's still the same old hardtime 3d but the game could run smoothly on Windows 10/11, New textures, ambience noises, and some small addons.
This mod is completely standalone which means you don't have use the original hardtime game. The game is literally in this file. All you need to do is just extract the file and click the exe. Boom you could play.
I'll like to list 2 things: one, there's a bunch of placeholders in this mod, so everything you see might or might not be there on the next update. Two, this mod contains "suggestive scenes" such as gore, Strong Language, Sexual Images, Racial symbols, textures that use real drug images and such.
This was implemented for realism im not one of those woke game devs. I had to list this for younger fans and for the Youtubers that don't want their video being hit with an age restriction warning. You've been warned!
Heres the download link: https://www.mediafire.com/file/l4v347td724ltzz/Hard_Time_-_Lay_Of_The_Land_version_0.1.zip/file
If you see your mod on here just DM on reddit if you me to take it off. This includes your name on the "Credits.txt".
submitted by Jayski_Upbeat to mdickie [link] [comments]
I know everybody on this subreddit is waiting for Mat to drop Hardtime 3d II/Hardtime 3 (whatever yall like to call it)
The progress of the modification
- The Game exe has been updated. The game could run without DGVoodoo + it can run 32bits instead of 16bits.
- Textures has either been upscaled or taken from Other Mdickie games to give it that modern day touch
- Added new sound effects
- Added ambience music depending on the situation
- Added new face textures + Upscaled some face textures
- Upscaled GUI Textures
- Added Credits that lists every assets that was used by others.
- I'm still finding a way to port the whole game onto Mobile devices
- Dialog changes
- Some textures might receives some changes. Remember this is an alpha release
- Some sound effects might be replaced
It's still the same old hardtime 3d but the game could run smoothly on Windows 10/11, New textures, ambience noises, and some small addons.
This mod is completely standalone which means you don't have use the original hardtime game. The game is literally in this file. All you need to do is just extract the file and click the exe. Boom you could play.
I'll like to list 2 things: one, there's a bunch of placeholders in this mod, so everything you see might or might not be there on the next update. Two, this mod contains "suggestive scenes" such as gore, Strong Language, Sexual Images, Racial symbols, textures that use real drug images and such.
This was implemented for realism im not one of those woke game devs. I had to list this for younger fans and for the Youtubers that don't want their video being hit with an age restriction warning. You've been warned!
Heres the download link: https://www.mediafire.com/file/l4v347td724ltzz/Hard_Time_-_Lay_Of_The_Land_version_0.1.zip/file
If you see your mod on here just DM on reddit if you me to take it off. This includes your name on the "Credits.txt".
2024.05.14 00:31 Expert_Scar_4129 possibly a success but still scared ? will update
hi guys, i (16F) have been a emetophobe since 5th grade. today i went to my last class of the day and my teacher told us how he had food poisoning all last night and didn’t feel great today. obviously food poisoning is not contagious, but it still made me feel nervous. anyways i got home and made frozen edamame with ponzu sauce which i have all the time (safe food) but i couldn’t help but notice on like 5 beans as i ate that there were some pale brown or darker brown spots. i wasn’t sure if it was the sauce or not but i immediately got nervous and nauseated. i pulled myself together after 10 minutes and managed to eat 3/4 of it. i’m really proud of myself for that, but at the same time maybe i was right??? either way i’m proud that i was brave enough to do that even though it kinda sounds like a dumb win. i’ll update in 6 hours from when i started eating which would be midnight EST to see if i got anything ” any words would still be appreciated (crossposting)
submitted by Expert_Scar_4129 to emetophobia [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 00:31 Rubicon2020 I keep bombing interviews
Been a desktop support for nearly 4 years. I quit my job due to a mental breakdown and am regretting that completely and no I don’t tell interviewers that. But I’ve had what seemed to be great interviews and then I get the rejection email. Today I had what seemed like a nuke was set off in my interview like it couldn’t have gone any worse. I feel exceptionally horrible and that I’m expecting the rejection email by Friday. I have one interview left tomorrow if I don’t get that one I have no idea of what I’m going to do. I have bills coming due I don’t have a savings didn’t make enough. And had to do several home fixes that depleted my savings. I’m freaking tf out now.
I’ve submitted somewhere around 75 applications and only a handful of interviews. I even went back to my last boss to try and get my job back explain to him I had a mental break and just snapped due to having a bipolar manic episode. He told me had I come to him the week before he’d have gladly taken me back, but they had just offered the position to a new person and they accepted the offer. He told me use him as a reference he’d never give me a bad reference which is nice to hear. He kept praising my skills and dedication to the job. But it still ended with me quitting and coming off a bipolar manic episode and realizing I done fk’d up.
I just bought my dream Wrangler in December I’m so nervous it’s going to get repoed. I talked to the finance company had I made 6 payments they could’ve pushed it 3 months but I’ve only made 4. So I’m screwed.
Then, found out my(f) girlfriend well thought was my girlfriend had started dating a dude. After a long distance thing she moved back and well that made my mental health even worse because I dearly love her. I was about to try and rekindle the relationship now that she’s back locally and of course get another job to be told “oh I’m dating a guy”.
I’m about to be off all my meds within the month and I’m freaking out about that as they literally keep me sane. I can’t go without life is hell for me and anyone around me including my ex gf and my husband. I can’t control my words, thoughts, actions without my anti psychotic meds. So ya I’m freaking tf out. My husband almost divorced me over not being medicated it was an ultimatum for me getting on meds. It’s not pretty.
I’ve been added to a prayer list at a church. I’ve asked friends to please keep me in their thoughts and prayers. Hell, half of them remember me prior to meds and are like omg dude what are you going to do? Fuck idk.
submitted by Rubicon2020 to offmychest [link] [comments]
I’ve submitted somewhere around 75 applications and only a handful of interviews. I even went back to my last boss to try and get my job back explain to him I had a mental break and just snapped due to having a bipolar manic episode. He told me had I come to him the week before he’d have gladly taken me back, but they had just offered the position to a new person and they accepted the offer. He told me use him as a reference he’d never give me a bad reference which is nice to hear. He kept praising my skills and dedication to the job. But it still ended with me quitting and coming off a bipolar manic episode and realizing I done fk’d up.
I just bought my dream Wrangler in December I’m so nervous it’s going to get repoed. I talked to the finance company had I made 6 payments they could’ve pushed it 3 months but I’ve only made 4. So I’m screwed.
Then, found out my(f) girlfriend well thought was my girlfriend had started dating a dude. After a long distance thing she moved back and well that made my mental health even worse because I dearly love her. I was about to try and rekindle the relationship now that she’s back locally and of course get another job to be told “oh I’m dating a guy”.
I’m about to be off all my meds within the month and I’m freaking out about that as they literally keep me sane. I can’t go without life is hell for me and anyone around me including my ex gf and my husband. I can’t control my words, thoughts, actions without my anti psychotic meds. So ya I’m freaking tf out. My husband almost divorced me over not being medicated it was an ultimatum for me getting on meds. It’s not pretty.
I’ve been added to a prayer list at a church. I’ve asked friends to please keep me in their thoughts and prayers. Hell, half of them remember me prior to meds and are like omg dude what are you going to do? Fuck idk.
2024.05.14 00:30 Expert_Scar_4129 possibly a success but still scared ? will update
hi guys, i (16F) have been a emetophobe since 5th grade. today i went to my last class of the day and my teacher told us how he had food poisoning all last night and didn’t feel great today. obviously food poisoning is not contagious, but it still made me feel nervous. anyways i got home and made frozen edamame with ponzu sauce which i have all the time (safe food) but i couldn’t help but notice on like 5 beans as i ate that there were some pale brown or darker brown spots. i wasn’t sure if it was the sauce or not but i immediately got nervous an nauseated. i pulled myself together after 10 minutes and managed to eat 3/4 of it. i’m really proud of myself for that, but at the same time maybe i was right??? either way i’m proud that i was brave enough to do that even though it kinda sounds like a dumb win. i’ll update in 6 hours from when i started eating which would be midnight EST to see if i got anything ” any words would still be appreciated (crossposting)
submitted by Expert_Scar_4129 to EmetophobiaTalk [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 00:29 craftytoonlover I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
submitted by craftytoonlover to ProRevenge [link] [comments]
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
2024.05.14 00:26 tangerinedream875 [F4A] Looking for a partner in a band themed story!
Hi there, and thanks for reading! I'm currently on the hunt for someone looking to play as a member of one of the bands listed below in a romance story with my OC. The story would be mostly angst driven with a lot of hurt/comfort themes. (If this sounds like a fun idea but would rather play an OC in any one of the bands or in one similar, let me know. I'm 100% open to this idea.)
Bands/Artists I'm interested in include (but are not limited to):
•Mötley Crüe
•Korn
•Ghost
•Twenty One Pilots
•Måneskin
There's definitely more that I'd be interested in that I'm not able to think of right now, so if you have any suggestions I'm all ears!
A little about me; I've been roleplaying for a few years, off and on. I will write anywhere from 1-3 paragraphs per response, depending on the situation. I write in third person, and I use discord. I love talking OOC too!
If any of this sounds like it might be your style, please message me and I'm sure we can work something out! I'm very flexible and love to discuss plots with my partner, so please don't hesitate to throw an idea you've been sitting on at me!
Please only contact me if you're 18+ as I am not comfortable writing with minors. If you've read this far, thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day. ❤️
submitted by tangerinedream875 to roleplaying [link] [comments]
Bands/Artists I'm interested in include (but are not limited to):
•Mötley Crüe
•Korn
•Ghost
•Twenty One Pilots
•Måneskin
There's definitely more that I'd be interested in that I'm not able to think of right now, so if you have any suggestions I'm all ears!
A little about me; I've been roleplaying for a few years, off and on. I will write anywhere from 1-3 paragraphs per response, depending on the situation. I write in third person, and I use discord. I love talking OOC too!
If any of this sounds like it might be your style, please message me and I'm sure we can work something out! I'm very flexible and love to discuss plots with my partner, so please don't hesitate to throw an idea you've been sitting on at me!
Please only contact me if you're 18+ as I am not comfortable writing with minors. If you've read this far, thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day. ❤️
2024.05.14 00:26 tangerinedream875 [F4A] Looking for a partner in a band themed story!
Hi there, and thanks for reading! I'm currently on the hunt for someone looking to play as a member of one of the bands listed below in a romance story with my OC. The story would be mostly angst driven with a lot of hurt/comfort themes. (If this sounds like a fun idea but would rather play an OC in any one of the bands or in one similar, let me know. I'm 100% open to this idea.)
Bands/Artists I'm interested in include (but are not limited to):
•Mötley Crüe
•Korn
•Ghost
•Twenty One Pilots
•Måneskin
There's definitely more that I'd be interested in that I'm not able to think of right now, so if you have any suggestions I'm all ears!
A little about me; I've been roleplaying for a few years, off and on. I will write anywhere from 1-3 paragraphs per response, depending on the situation. I write in third person, and I use discord. I love talking OOC too!
If any of this sounds like it might be your style, please message me and I'm sure we can work something out! I'm very flexible and love to discuss plots with my partner, so please don't hesitate to throw an idea you've been sitting on at me!
Please only contact me if you're 18+ as I am not comfortable writing with minors. If you've read this far, thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day. ❤️
submitted by tangerinedream875 to RoleplayPartnerSearch [link] [comments]
Bands/Artists I'm interested in include (but are not limited to):
•Mötley Crüe
•Korn
•Ghost
•Twenty One Pilots
•Måneskin
There's definitely more that I'd be interested in that I'm not able to think of right now, so if you have any suggestions I'm all ears!
A little about me; I've been roleplaying for a few years, off and on. I will write anywhere from 1-3 paragraphs per response, depending on the situation. I write in third person, and I use discord. I love talking OOC too!
If any of this sounds like it might be your style, please message me and I'm sure we can work something out! I'm very flexible and love to discuss plots with my partner, so please don't hesitate to throw an idea you've been sitting on at me!
Please only contact me if you're 18+ as I am not comfortable writing with minors. If you've read this far, thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day. ❤️
2024.05.14 00:26 Sparky_skiies Got my med school results today, the result was nice but the reactions weren't.
Today I got my Med school results of 2nd proff. I passed it. Good enough grades. A little backstory to it :
I've always been a decent student. I always go overboard in making things good academically cause I never want to end up being a disappointment. I do all the classes, attend lectures, and study my level best. From school up until my college life, I've been doing good enough. I am not bragging at all just laying down the situation here. So, my exams were in March. I've studied and hustled for the entire year for these exams, but I don't know how and why, my exams didn't go well as compared to the efforts and energy I gave in to it. Every single morning before going to attend the exam, I would always end up crying while revising. It was truly just a bad, very bad phase. Somehow, the exams got over. Fast forward to the days ahead, when I told people around me, including my friends and parents that I expect something bad in the result and that I didn't do as good as I expected it all to be.
No one, not even a single person agreed and accepted. Not even ONE. Everyone was like, “you can do it. Ofcourse if you wouldn't do, who else? You've always been this way. We know you can do.” I actually can't explain and write the exact sentences, but all I wanted was someone to just understand what I meant, what I have in my head. I don't understand why academically good students always are laid down with this image that they can never ever have a bad phase, bad day, bad exams? Why? Aren't we humans? I'm not talking about those who brag unnecessarily. I'm talking about the ones who genuinely do for others and this one time confessed that they aren't expecting anything good this time, that they didn't do well. That they had bad exams and all their efforts ended up in vain.
I'm close to my dad. Enough close that I call him every single minute if I'm panicking. The entire exam time, I used to tell and talk to him. During exams, I told him that my exams aren't going well and that I'm still trying my level best. Everything that I can do. He was supportive. I love him for that. Same with my mom.
Right after exams, when I told them and talked to any of my friends or my dad or mom about results, they would shrug it off like, “let it be” “it's okay” “nothing's wrong” “stop overthinking” “you're a good student, if you wouldn't have good grades, who else will?” “if you're saying this then what will happen to us who don't study as well as you?” Bro I'm tired of this generalisation.
When I say I'm tired. I genuinely am. My results got out today, finally. I did well. I passed :)
The point that I was so happy and people killed my excitement. Some started talking about how I didn't get a top 10 rank. I called my dad first. The very first person. He simply said, “congrats.” Not a single word. He knew everything, my panic, my random urgent calls cause I was going numb while preparing. But all he did was a bland reaction. He instructed me to call my mom then all my relatives (pretty simply my relatives are hella toxic, and negative people. They kill off the vibe.)
I called mom. Same reaction. “congrats!” “did you get the marks too?" And the next minute the topic was about her side of the family and what all she did in her day. Okay. Accepted. Never mind.
Next I called my relatives, one of them said “oh wow good news. Good good.” That's it.
Onto the next, I called her. She said, “oh you finally remember me? Oh so you got your results that's why you could remember me?” :))))))
I was telling my friends, but they all kept repeating like, “if you (my name) would've been failed, then what would've happened to us? Oh come on, stop acting like this. Stop lying. Stop pretending. We knew you were gonna do well.”
Enough y'all.
I didn't need attention. I just want to say that I just wanted a little time to process. I wanted people to understand that this was really an unexpected good result and I was genuinely happy with it. I wanted people to treat me and my result that way. Why can't academically decent people have their share of bad days without people always generalising them that they can never have/ never had seen failures?
I'm writing this while I'm in my hostel room, my best friend is soundly sleeping, probably with just the idea of the dried out responses of my family and nothing else. It's me, my playlist and this rant I'm writing right now. I'm probably not going to sleep at all tonight, will rather have my alone time and process it alone than expecting reactions from people without making me feel like, “oh? You're pass? We already knew. Why is it a big deal for you eh?” Fuck this. It's a big deal for me. I'll manage, process, accept and enjoy on my own.
Thanks to anyone who read this. Have a good day <3
submitted by Sparky_skiies to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
I've always been a decent student. I always go overboard in making things good academically cause I never want to end up being a disappointment. I do all the classes, attend lectures, and study my level best. From school up until my college life, I've been doing good enough. I am not bragging at all just laying down the situation here. So, my exams were in March. I've studied and hustled for the entire year for these exams, but I don't know how and why, my exams didn't go well as compared to the efforts and energy I gave in to it. Every single morning before going to attend the exam, I would always end up crying while revising. It was truly just a bad, very bad phase. Somehow, the exams got over. Fast forward to the days ahead, when I told people around me, including my friends and parents that I expect something bad in the result and that I didn't do as good as I expected it all to be.
No one, not even a single person agreed and accepted. Not even ONE. Everyone was like, “you can do it. Ofcourse if you wouldn't do, who else? You've always been this way. We know you can do.” I actually can't explain and write the exact sentences, but all I wanted was someone to just understand what I meant, what I have in my head. I don't understand why academically good students always are laid down with this image that they can never ever have a bad phase, bad day, bad exams? Why? Aren't we humans? I'm not talking about those who brag unnecessarily. I'm talking about the ones who genuinely do for others and this one time confessed that they aren't expecting anything good this time, that they didn't do well. That they had bad exams and all their efforts ended up in vain.
I'm close to my dad. Enough close that I call him every single minute if I'm panicking. The entire exam time, I used to tell and talk to him. During exams, I told him that my exams aren't going well and that I'm still trying my level best. Everything that I can do. He was supportive. I love him for that. Same with my mom.
Right after exams, when I told them and talked to any of my friends or my dad or mom about results, they would shrug it off like, “let it be” “it's okay” “nothing's wrong” “stop overthinking” “you're a good student, if you wouldn't have good grades, who else will?” “if you're saying this then what will happen to us who don't study as well as you?” Bro I'm tired of this generalisation.
When I say I'm tired. I genuinely am. My results got out today, finally. I did well. I passed :)
The point that I was so happy and people killed my excitement. Some started talking about how I didn't get a top 10 rank. I called my dad first. The very first person. He simply said, “congrats.” Not a single word. He knew everything, my panic, my random urgent calls cause I was going numb while preparing. But all he did was a bland reaction. He instructed me to call my mom then all my relatives (pretty simply my relatives are hella toxic, and negative people. They kill off the vibe.)
I called mom. Same reaction. “congrats!” “did you get the marks too?" And the next minute the topic was about her side of the family and what all she did in her day. Okay. Accepted. Never mind.
Next I called my relatives, one of them said “oh wow good news. Good good.” That's it.
Onto the next, I called her. She said, “oh you finally remember me? Oh so you got your results that's why you could remember me?” :))))))
I was telling my friends, but they all kept repeating like, “if you (my name) would've been failed, then what would've happened to us? Oh come on, stop acting like this. Stop lying. Stop pretending. We knew you were gonna do well.”
Enough y'all.
I didn't need attention. I just want to say that I just wanted a little time to process. I wanted people to understand that this was really an unexpected good result and I was genuinely happy with it. I wanted people to treat me and my result that way. Why can't academically decent people have their share of bad days without people always generalising them that they can never have/ never had seen failures?
I'm writing this while I'm in my hostel room, my best friend is soundly sleeping, probably with just the idea of the dried out responses of my family and nothing else. It's me, my playlist and this rant I'm writing right now. I'm probably not going to sleep at all tonight, will rather have my alone time and process it alone than expecting reactions from people without making me feel like, “oh? You're pass? We already knew. Why is it a big deal for you eh?” Fuck this. It's a big deal for me. I'll manage, process, accept and enjoy on my own.
Thanks to anyone who read this. Have a good day <3
2024.05.14 00:20 zouzoujenner please im so tired
Hello, I made a list of everything that is wrong with me and it's driving me crazy. what can you tell about this ? am i weird ? or toxic or something ?
submitted by zouzoujenner to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
- I really envy certain character traits in people
- I have the need to appropriate everything before someone appropriates something at me
- I hate being belittled by someone or identified with something, it triggers me, I don't know why
- I hate when people disagree with me, and I hate when people oppose to my way of thinking
- I hate people who are too touchy and take everything seriously
- I hate people who want to be the center of attention too much, because it makes me want to steal the spotlight and I don't like that feeling
- I hate when someone other than me gets complimented a lot more
- I compliment my friends only because they won't perceive me as jealous
- I change my image of myself very often, I never see myself the same for a long time
- I tend to love someone very much at the start of a relationship, then become disgusted with them overnight for no reason
- I like talking about myself too much, when others talk about themselves, it bores me or even annoys me
- I tend to hate the people I love suddenly, for something I don't like, often it's when they want to touch my image, or when they don't go my way
- I don't like people who are manipulated and who don't see it
- I don't like people who aren't as intelligent as me, it annoys me
- I don't like it when people neglect me to do something else more important for them
- I don't like seeing people succeed, and it gives me a certain satisfaction to see them fail
- I love myself so much, as I hate myself so much
- I have trouble managing my anger sometimes, I tend to hit objects or things around me when I lose control
- I never manage to completely finish a project, or anything, I always have big ideas, I start to realize them, and I never finish because it bores me
- I am obsessed with certain things, for example I watch the same series or lets play over and over again for days, weeks or even months, or I have weird reflexes which consist of stalking the same person over and over again several times during the day following the same sequence of social networks
- I need things to happen in my life to feel alive
- I have trouble wanting to spend time alone with myself, it makes me anxious just thinking about it
- I can't really accept criticism
- I care a lot about my image
- I think too often about the consequences of each act, to the point of falling into paranoia and inventing very negative outcomes
- I am too pessimistic, I imagine the worst scenarios in any situation, to the point of falling into paranoia again
- I often interpret the actions or words of others in the wrong way
- I often look for the negative
2024.05.14 00:19 Agreeable_Salad7448 Apostle Paul vs Prophet Muhammad
DISCLAIMER: This respectful and civil debate is oriented towards muslims. For the sake of the moderators time and also the readers I will only list 5 problems I've found. But don't worry I have 20 more to post if this post has more traffic!
According to the Quran, Jesus was a prophet of Islam, his followers were Muslims and the gospel is the inspired preserved authoritative word of Allah. But when we go to our earliest records, we find Jesus claiming to be the Divine Son of God who would die on the cross for sins and rise from the dead. Jesus followers proclaimed him as their Risen Lord, the gospel that Christians have been reading for nearly 2,000 years tells us that "Anyone who claims to be a prophet, rejects Jesus death, resurrection and deity is a false prophet and an antichrist" - 1 John 2:22, a verse to remember.
Problem 1. Earlier Records for Paul's Life than for Muhammad's Life - Our records of Paul's life are much earlier than our records of Muhammad's life. And here I don't just mean that Paul came centuries before Muhammad and so we have earlier sources for Paul's life, I mean that when we talk about the teachings and deeds of Paul the biographical sources we use are much closer to the events they report than the biographical sources we use when we talk about the teachings and deeds of Muhammad. Our earliest biographical sources on Paul were written during the lifetime of Paul. The book of Acts for example was written in the early 60s before Paul was martyred, and it was written by a traveling companion of Paul who was an eyewitness to many of the details he reports. We also have numerous letters written by Paul himself. Our earliest detailed biographical source on Muhammad is the sirah (biographical literature), especially the work of Ibn Ishaq (d. 768) which was written more than a century after Muhammad's death. And we don't even have what Ibn Ishaq actually wrote. We have an Abridged version that was sanitized by a later scholar and we shouldn't forget that many Muslims don't trust Ibn Ishaq. When Muslims quote stories about Muhammad, they're usually getting their information from sources like Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, which were written two centuries after the time of Muhammad.
Problem 1.1. But it gets worse... The main reason for composing works like Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim was that Muslims were composing so many false stories about Muhammad, people didn't know what to believe. Scholars like Bukari decided that they needed to collect stories they thought were accurate in order to distinguish them from the ever increasing supply of false narrations. Now if Muslims during the time of Bukhari were inventing stories about Muhammad, what about the generation before that, and the generation before that..? And the generation before that? Two centuries is a lot of time to make things up, that's why it's always good to have sources written within the lifetime of the person you want to know about or at least within the lifetimes of the eyewitnesses. When we learn about Paul we learn about him through first generation eyewitness accounts. When we learn about Muhammad, we learn about him through late sources written by people who didn't know him, whose parents didn't know him and whose grandparents didn't know him. People who were fishing for historical facts in a sea of fabrication and deception. A few years ago the crumbling historical foundations for the life of Muhammad led the Islamic scholar Muhammad Sven Kalisch to conclude that Muhammad probably never existed. I don't agree with Dr Kalisch's conclusion about Muhammad's existence, but when even Muslim Scholars are starting to recognize how difficult it's become to take Muslim sources seriously our confidence in the historical Muhammad vanishes.
Problem 2. Paul Was a brillian scholar; Muhammad Was Not - The Apostle Paul was a brilliant scholar who defended his views in Athens, the intellectual capital of the ancient world, and in other major cities. He had discussions with the Stoic and Epicurian philosophers of his day and he could quote their sources to them. Even Anthony Flu, one of the 20th Century's most impressive critics of Christianity, said that the Apostle Paul possessed a first class philosophical mind. Muhammad by contrast was an illiterate 7th Century Caravan Trader. Now being an illiterate 7th Century Caravan Trader doesn't make you wrong, just as being a brilliant scholar doesn't make you right. But when we're dealing with claims about history and theology and various other topics having some sort of education helps. Not having an education leaves you open to obviously false revelations because you don't know enough to recognize them as false. This is why we find Muhammad telling his followers that Dhul-Qarnain traveled so far west he found the place where the sun sets, and that stars are missile that Allah uses to shoot demons, and that semen is formed between the backbone and the ribs. These are exactly the sort of absurdities we would expect from someone who has no clue what he's talking about, and who therefore has no clue whether his revelations line up with reality.
Problem 3. Paul knew the Old Testament; Muhammad Did Not - The Apostle Paul was a Pharisee who studied under Rabban Gamaliel II, one of the greatest Jewish rabbis of the first century. Paul knew the Old Testament inside and out which is why he quotes the Old Testament so frequently in his writings. This is important because Jesus claimed to fulfill a variety of Old Testament prophecies and you can't really examine this claim if you don't know what the Old Testament says. Muhammad was almost completely ignorant of the Old Testament because his knowledge of the Jewish scriptures was limited to what he heard in conversations. Not surprisingly despite Muhammad's numerous interactions with Jews in Arabia the Quran contains very few quotations from the Old Testament. Due to his ignorance of the scriptures Muhammad couldn't tell the difference between stories that were in the Torah and therefore divine revelation and stories from later Jewish writings and commentaries some of which were so late and so obviously fabricated they weren't far beyond the level of bedtime stories. Imagine how amusing it must be for someone who specializes in Jewish literature, to read the Quran and find so many fables being presented to Muslims as Revelation. Cain being taught how to bury the dead by a raven (al-Ma`idah (The Table, The Table Spread) 5:31), Solomon listening to a speech by an ant (Surah An-Naml - 15-25). But Muhammad just didn't know enough to distinguish scripture from non-scripture. Muhammad's ignorance of the Old Testament is also noteworthy because, like Jesus, he claimed to fulfill Old Testament prophecies. If Muhammad had been more knowledgeable of the Torah, he would have known that he couldn't possibly be a prophet for numerous reasons. For instance:
Problem 3.1 Muslim sources report that Muhammad once delivered what are now called "The Satanic Verses" to his followers. These verses promoted prayers to three pagan goddesses, Al-Lat and Al-'Uzza and Manat (Surah 53:19-20). Muhammad bowed down in honor of these polytheistic verses and his followers bowed down with him. But a little later Gabriel confronted Muhammad about his sin, Muhammad confessed in the history of AT-TABARI 6:111. So Muhammad admitted that he delivered a revelation that didn't really come from God. Why is this important? Well in Deuteronomy 18:20 "God declares but a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods is to be put to death".
Problem 3.2 Muslims claim that they respect Moses, but if Muhammad had delivered "The Satanic Verses" during the time of Moses, Moses would have ordered the people to pick up stones and stone him to death as the most obvious false prophet in history. Muhammad didn't realize this due to his lack of familiarity with the Jewish scriptures.
Problem 4. Paul Was a Contemporary of Jesus Muhammad was not - The apostle Paul was a contemporary of Jesus and he spent much of his time in first century Israel, this put Paul in a perfect position to gain accurate historical information about Jesus. If you want reliable information about a person it's pretty helpful being a member of the person's own generation. And Paul was right there. Muhammad was born more than half a millennium after Jesus death in a completely different country. Since he couldn't read, apart from Divine Revelation his knowledge of Jesus was limited to whatever stories were popular in 7th Century Arabia. This is why when we read the Quran we find so many stories about Jesus that are known to be forgeries. Mary giving birth under a palm tree Surah Maryam - 16-26, Jesus preaching when he was still a baby Surat Maryam [19:29-34], Jesus giving life to clay birds Surah Al-Ma'idah - 110. We know where these stories come from, and they don't come from the first century.
Problem 5. Paul Spoke the Relevant Lanugaes Muhammad Didn't - The Apostle Paul was fluent in Hebrew Aramaic and Greek. All of the languages necessary for understanding the Old Testament, the claims of Jesus and the earliest Christian writings. Muhammad couldn't speak any of the relevant languages so any attempt to understand the Old Testament, the claims of Jesus, or the earliest Christian writings would have required the help of interpreters. I normally wouldn't bring this up as a problem, but since Muslims are obsessed with reading the Quran in the original Arabic, we can only assume that the writings of Moses, the teachings of Jesus and the writings of Jesus followers can only be understood in the original languages. Paul could do that, Muhammad couldn't. Muhammad's ignorance of the original languages leads to further problems: For example the Quran refers to the book revealed through, Jesus as the "Injil", but the Arabic word Injil is ultimately derived from the Greek word "Evangelion" meaning good news. So according to the Quran the book, revealed through Jesus was written in Greek, this makes absolutely no sense if Jesus was only sent to his fellow Jews as Islam claims, but it makes perfect sense if Jesus message was for the rest of the world as well since Greek was the international language of the time. Interestingly the New Testament gospels were written in Greek, exactly what we would expect given the quran's use of the term Injil, but quite unexpected given Muhammad's notion of Jesus life and mission, not to mention Muhammad's conviction that Revelations can't be translated. Quite hypocritical indeed.
submitted by Agreeable_Salad7448 to DebateReligion [link] [comments]
According to the Quran, Jesus was a prophet of Islam, his followers were Muslims and the gospel is the inspired preserved authoritative word of Allah. But when we go to our earliest records, we find Jesus claiming to be the Divine Son of God who would die on the cross for sins and rise from the dead. Jesus followers proclaimed him as their Risen Lord, the gospel that Christians have been reading for nearly 2,000 years tells us that "Anyone who claims to be a prophet, rejects Jesus death, resurrection and deity is a false prophet and an antichrist" - 1 John 2:22, a verse to remember.
Problem 1. Earlier Records for Paul's Life than for Muhammad's Life - Our records of Paul's life are much earlier than our records of Muhammad's life. And here I don't just mean that Paul came centuries before Muhammad and so we have earlier sources for Paul's life, I mean that when we talk about the teachings and deeds of Paul the biographical sources we use are much closer to the events they report than the biographical sources we use when we talk about the teachings and deeds of Muhammad. Our earliest biographical sources on Paul were written during the lifetime of Paul. The book of Acts for example was written in the early 60s before Paul was martyred, and it was written by a traveling companion of Paul who was an eyewitness to many of the details he reports. We also have numerous letters written by Paul himself. Our earliest detailed biographical source on Muhammad is the sirah (biographical literature), especially the work of Ibn Ishaq (d. 768) which was written more than a century after Muhammad's death. And we don't even have what Ibn Ishaq actually wrote. We have an Abridged version that was sanitized by a later scholar and we shouldn't forget that many Muslims don't trust Ibn Ishaq. When Muslims quote stories about Muhammad, they're usually getting their information from sources like Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, which were written two centuries after the time of Muhammad.
Problem 1.1. But it gets worse... The main reason for composing works like Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim was that Muslims were composing so many false stories about Muhammad, people didn't know what to believe. Scholars like Bukari decided that they needed to collect stories they thought were accurate in order to distinguish them from the ever increasing supply of false narrations. Now if Muslims during the time of Bukhari were inventing stories about Muhammad, what about the generation before that, and the generation before that..? And the generation before that? Two centuries is a lot of time to make things up, that's why it's always good to have sources written within the lifetime of the person you want to know about or at least within the lifetimes of the eyewitnesses. When we learn about Paul we learn about him through first generation eyewitness accounts. When we learn about Muhammad, we learn about him through late sources written by people who didn't know him, whose parents didn't know him and whose grandparents didn't know him. People who were fishing for historical facts in a sea of fabrication and deception. A few years ago the crumbling historical foundations for the life of Muhammad led the Islamic scholar Muhammad Sven Kalisch to conclude that Muhammad probably never existed. I don't agree with Dr Kalisch's conclusion about Muhammad's existence, but when even Muslim Scholars are starting to recognize how difficult it's become to take Muslim sources seriously our confidence in the historical Muhammad vanishes.
Problem 2. Paul Was a brillian scholar; Muhammad Was Not - The Apostle Paul was a brilliant scholar who defended his views in Athens, the intellectual capital of the ancient world, and in other major cities. He had discussions with the Stoic and Epicurian philosophers of his day and he could quote their sources to them. Even Anthony Flu, one of the 20th Century's most impressive critics of Christianity, said that the Apostle Paul possessed a first class philosophical mind. Muhammad by contrast was an illiterate 7th Century Caravan Trader. Now being an illiterate 7th Century Caravan Trader doesn't make you wrong, just as being a brilliant scholar doesn't make you right. But when we're dealing with claims about history and theology and various other topics having some sort of education helps. Not having an education leaves you open to obviously false revelations because you don't know enough to recognize them as false. This is why we find Muhammad telling his followers that Dhul-Qarnain traveled so far west he found the place where the sun sets, and that stars are missile that Allah uses to shoot demons, and that semen is formed between the backbone and the ribs. These are exactly the sort of absurdities we would expect from someone who has no clue what he's talking about, and who therefore has no clue whether his revelations line up with reality.
Problem 3. Paul knew the Old Testament; Muhammad Did Not - The Apostle Paul was a Pharisee who studied under Rabban Gamaliel II, one of the greatest Jewish rabbis of the first century. Paul knew the Old Testament inside and out which is why he quotes the Old Testament so frequently in his writings. This is important because Jesus claimed to fulfill a variety of Old Testament prophecies and you can't really examine this claim if you don't know what the Old Testament says. Muhammad was almost completely ignorant of the Old Testament because his knowledge of the Jewish scriptures was limited to what he heard in conversations. Not surprisingly despite Muhammad's numerous interactions with Jews in Arabia the Quran contains very few quotations from the Old Testament. Due to his ignorance of the scriptures Muhammad couldn't tell the difference between stories that were in the Torah and therefore divine revelation and stories from later Jewish writings and commentaries some of which were so late and so obviously fabricated they weren't far beyond the level of bedtime stories. Imagine how amusing it must be for someone who specializes in Jewish literature, to read the Quran and find so many fables being presented to Muslims as Revelation. Cain being taught how to bury the dead by a raven (al-Ma`idah (The Table, The Table Spread) 5:31), Solomon listening to a speech by an ant (Surah An-Naml - 15-25). But Muhammad just didn't know enough to distinguish scripture from non-scripture. Muhammad's ignorance of the Old Testament is also noteworthy because, like Jesus, he claimed to fulfill Old Testament prophecies. If Muhammad had been more knowledgeable of the Torah, he would have known that he couldn't possibly be a prophet for numerous reasons. For instance:
Problem 3.1 Muslim sources report that Muhammad once delivered what are now called "The Satanic Verses" to his followers. These verses promoted prayers to three pagan goddesses, Al-Lat and Al-'Uzza and Manat (Surah 53:19-20). Muhammad bowed down in honor of these polytheistic verses and his followers bowed down with him. But a little later Gabriel confronted Muhammad about his sin, Muhammad confessed in the history of AT-TABARI 6:111. So Muhammad admitted that he delivered a revelation that didn't really come from God. Why is this important? Well in Deuteronomy 18:20 "God declares but a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods is to be put to death".
Problem 3.2 Muslims claim that they respect Moses, but if Muhammad had delivered "The Satanic Verses" during the time of Moses, Moses would have ordered the people to pick up stones and stone him to death as the most obvious false prophet in history. Muhammad didn't realize this due to his lack of familiarity with the Jewish scriptures.
Problem 4. Paul Was a Contemporary of Jesus Muhammad was not - The apostle Paul was a contemporary of Jesus and he spent much of his time in first century Israel, this put Paul in a perfect position to gain accurate historical information about Jesus. If you want reliable information about a person it's pretty helpful being a member of the person's own generation. And Paul was right there. Muhammad was born more than half a millennium after Jesus death in a completely different country. Since he couldn't read, apart from Divine Revelation his knowledge of Jesus was limited to whatever stories were popular in 7th Century Arabia. This is why when we read the Quran we find so many stories about Jesus that are known to be forgeries. Mary giving birth under a palm tree Surah Maryam - 16-26, Jesus preaching when he was still a baby Surat Maryam [19:29-34], Jesus giving life to clay birds Surah Al-Ma'idah - 110. We know where these stories come from, and they don't come from the first century.
Problem 5. Paul Spoke the Relevant Lanugaes Muhammad Didn't - The Apostle Paul was fluent in Hebrew Aramaic and Greek. All of the languages necessary for understanding the Old Testament, the claims of Jesus and the earliest Christian writings. Muhammad couldn't speak any of the relevant languages so any attempt to understand the Old Testament, the claims of Jesus, or the earliest Christian writings would have required the help of interpreters. I normally wouldn't bring this up as a problem, but since Muslims are obsessed with reading the Quran in the original Arabic, we can only assume that the writings of Moses, the teachings of Jesus and the writings of Jesus followers can only be understood in the original languages. Paul could do that, Muhammad couldn't. Muhammad's ignorance of the original languages leads to further problems: For example the Quran refers to the book revealed through, Jesus as the "Injil", but the Arabic word Injil is ultimately derived from the Greek word "Evangelion" meaning good news. So according to the Quran the book, revealed through Jesus was written in Greek, this makes absolutely no sense if Jesus was only sent to his fellow Jews as Islam claims, but it makes perfect sense if Jesus message was for the rest of the world as well since Greek was the international language of the time. Interestingly the New Testament gospels were written in Greek, exactly what we would expect given the quran's use of the term Injil, but quite unexpected given Muhammad's notion of Jesus life and mission, not to mention Muhammad's conviction that Revelations can't be translated. Quite hypocritical indeed.
2024.05.14 00:12 belle558 I don't have to go back!
Hi everyone. I know I posted here a couple of months ago so I'm just gonna give a quick update. I moved in with my sister about a year and a half ago because of my mums hoarding. I don't want to sound like i'm 'trauma dumping' but sadly my sister recently passed from cancer (fuck cancer). When I found out it was terminal I got anxious at the thought of having to return to my mums so I made a post here. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and motivation then, i'm honestly very grateful.
Anyway I got in touch with a few charities and managed to get onto their waiting lists for accommodation. I've still had no updates about this but I know I am a priority on them and will get housing when it becomes available.
So thank you to my sister and those who have helped me, it means i'm officially out of her hoard!! I also want to say that if you're still living in any hoarded environment, it is possible to get out and I wish you the best. You are not alone<3
submitted by belle558 to ChildofHoarder [link] [comments]
Anyway I got in touch with a few charities and managed to get onto their waiting lists for accommodation. I've still had no updates about this but I know I am a priority on them and will get housing when it becomes available.
So thank you to my sister and those who have helped me, it means i'm officially out of her hoard!! I also want to say that if you're still living in any hoarded environment, it is possible to get out and I wish you the best. You are not alone<3