Cousins birthday quotes
/r/BirthdayWishes: All about Birthday Celebrations
2012.11.11 22:20 /r/BirthdayWishes: All about Birthday Celebrations
For finding best birthday wishes, birthday greetings, quotes, birthday party ideas. Share your funny stories about birthday celebrations and find beautiful birthday messages for your loved ones.
2016.02.15 05:14 msaini01 Life Quotes Wishes Beautiful Quotes SMS Inspirational Quotes
QuoteSmS having a hug collection of Morning Quotes, Inspirational Words and Life Quotes. Send these Life quotes and sayings images to your friends, family members, beloved and relatives. This is a easiest way to express your feelings of love to them. There is a vast range of quotes which we have include Good morning, Good night, birthday, love, life Quotes SMS, funny jokes, whats-app Quotes and many more, demonstrating someone special that how much you love and care.
2014.03.31 02:28 mariololftw Tokyo Ghoul
Welcome to /TokyoGhoul
2024.05.16 02:50 mamagenerator My husband’s family spoils kids, but mine doesn’t.
I don’t mean the normal spoiling with hugs and kisses, getting dessert when you go to grandma’s, etc. I mean material things excessively.
My husband was an only child for most of his life, and I’m the oldest of a big family. I grew up having what I needed, but only getting toys on special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.
We’ve been together for ten years, and somehow this never came up. But my husband is a bit of a minimalist now, though he does like to buy nice things for himself and is not afraid to spend money to get something quality. But we’ll be discussing things about childhood and he’ll say he had every action figure, all the Star Wars toys, the video game consoles, TV in his room, etc. An insane amount of toys and every toy he ever wanted. He will say himself that this has affected him negatively in some ways. His family also didn’t really have the money for it. My family is actually much better off, but way more frugal.
Point being, we are already getting loads of useless plastic toys from his family for our 9 mo. A lot of it from relatives that haven’t even met our daughter yet. And his mom will say, they don’t have the money for it, but they wanted to get it. I don’t want myself or my kid to be the reason his great aunt is broke.
How can we break this pattern? Have any of you done it successfully? I also don’t want to be seen as stingy for not giving her cousins gifts outside holidays.
submitted by mamagenerator to beyondthebump [link] [comments]
My husband was an only child for most of his life, and I’m the oldest of a big family. I grew up having what I needed, but only getting toys on special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.
We’ve been together for ten years, and somehow this never came up. But my husband is a bit of a minimalist now, though he does like to buy nice things for himself and is not afraid to spend money to get something quality. But we’ll be discussing things about childhood and he’ll say he had every action figure, all the Star Wars toys, the video game consoles, TV in his room, etc. An insane amount of toys and every toy he ever wanted. He will say himself that this has affected him negatively in some ways. His family also didn’t really have the money for it. My family is actually much better off, but way more frugal.
Point being, we are already getting loads of useless plastic toys from his family for our 9 mo. A lot of it from relatives that haven’t even met our daughter yet. And his mom will say, they don’t have the money for it, but they wanted to get it. I don’t want myself or my kid to be the reason his great aunt is broke.
How can we break this pattern? Have any of you done it successfully? I also don’t want to be seen as stingy for not giving her cousins gifts outside holidays.
2024.05.16 02:44 Imamuffinz My cousins after 16 years is continuing to treat their mother like shit
About 16 years or so my aunt had an affair, leading to a nasty divorce while my cousins were still young. Time passes by and to this day my cousins, boy and girl have moved out on their own and is still treating their mother like crap and the whole family knows it.
I understand that what she had done was incredibly wrong and I understand the anger that is towards her but I think after a certain period of time she shouldn't be treated as a martyr by her own children after almost 20 years now.
They're incredibly toxic towards her, refuse to do anything for her birthday, finding excuses to not hang out with her, or play the victim card and blame any inconvenience on her when my aunt is not at fault at all.
My cousins make a good money and they are both single. They have good jobs and after everything their mother has done for them growing up, they are essentially spitting at her face each time. They won't even help her with rent or even take her out for ice cream for an example.
My ass is incredibly haunted and extremely depressed. She obviously regrets her decisions and wishes that she didn't go through the affair but all she wants is her children to show her a little bit of empathy and show that they care. They take and take from her, and they keep on taking knowing that if she rejects them in any way even if it means standing up for herself, they will retaliate and close of all communications. They will hold the grudges even more and that's something that they are taking advantage of.
I know what it's like to be in the situation, not the cheating stuff but I know what's it like to hold on to a relationship when it's dying. I feel so bad for her and my entire family is telling my cousins to grow the fuck up and to just leave everything in the past and be happy that their mother is even in the picture and trying her hardest to be there for them.
Both of my cousins are around their 30s and this is getting ridiculous at how much The Grudge has gotten.
And the worst part is if at any point my cousin's know that anyone has heard the rumors or what they have done or said to my aunt, they get very furious with us and will shut us out for a while. This is incredibly immature and just toxic.
My aunt is incredibly special to me and I totally understand why she likes to hang out with me and is very genuine. I show her the love her children never gave her and it makes me feel good that I can be this person in her life. I don't do it because I want to one up somebody, I do this because she's my aunt and I know what it feels like to lose someone. She has always been by my side growing up. However whenever my cousin's find out how much I show her love or know about me taking her out for dinner or giving her a gift once in awhile, they get incredibly jealous.
This makes no sense to me because why are they jealous? They have the time, money to do something really nice for their mom once in a while but they decide not to. They just keep making excuses and stockpiling reasons to keep holding on to the garage just to be toxic towards my aunt.
I really do not know what to do. There's nothing that I can do, but all I can do is support my aunt. What are you guys think about the situation, can anyone give some insight?
submitted by Imamuffinz to ToxicRelationships [link] [comments]
I understand that what she had done was incredibly wrong and I understand the anger that is towards her but I think after a certain period of time she shouldn't be treated as a martyr by her own children after almost 20 years now.
They're incredibly toxic towards her, refuse to do anything for her birthday, finding excuses to not hang out with her, or play the victim card and blame any inconvenience on her when my aunt is not at fault at all.
My cousins make a good money and they are both single. They have good jobs and after everything their mother has done for them growing up, they are essentially spitting at her face each time. They won't even help her with rent or even take her out for ice cream for an example.
My ass is incredibly haunted and extremely depressed. She obviously regrets her decisions and wishes that she didn't go through the affair but all she wants is her children to show her a little bit of empathy and show that they care. They take and take from her, and they keep on taking knowing that if she rejects them in any way even if it means standing up for herself, they will retaliate and close of all communications. They will hold the grudges even more and that's something that they are taking advantage of.
I know what it's like to be in the situation, not the cheating stuff but I know what's it like to hold on to a relationship when it's dying. I feel so bad for her and my entire family is telling my cousins to grow the fuck up and to just leave everything in the past and be happy that their mother is even in the picture and trying her hardest to be there for them.
Both of my cousins are around their 30s and this is getting ridiculous at how much The Grudge has gotten.
And the worst part is if at any point my cousin's know that anyone has heard the rumors or what they have done or said to my aunt, they get very furious with us and will shut us out for a while. This is incredibly immature and just toxic.
My aunt is incredibly special to me and I totally understand why she likes to hang out with me and is very genuine. I show her the love her children never gave her and it makes me feel good that I can be this person in her life. I don't do it because I want to one up somebody, I do this because she's my aunt and I know what it feels like to lose someone. She has always been by my side growing up. However whenever my cousin's find out how much I show her love or know about me taking her out for dinner or giving her a gift once in awhile, they get incredibly jealous.
This makes no sense to me because why are they jealous? They have the time, money to do something really nice for their mom once in a while but they decide not to. They just keep making excuses and stockpiling reasons to keep holding on to the garage just to be toxic towards my aunt.
I really do not know what to do. There's nothing that I can do, but all I can do is support my aunt. What are you guys think about the situation, can anyone give some insight?
2024.05.16 02:24 MartyFakenewzman Where should a group of guys stay for the Cowboys game?
Me (26), cousin (21), friend(26) and friends younger brother (21) are going to head down to Dallas the weekend of September 22nd (Friday-Monday) this year to celebrate some two 21st birthdays and hit the Cowboys game that Sunday. Looking for airbnbs any recommended neighborhoods to stay in with nightlife and some walkability during the day? Decent restaurants would be nice as well but big emphasis on the nightlife
submitted by MartyFakenewzman to Dallas [link] [comments]
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submitted by shaneka69 to globalpromo [link] [comments]
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2024.05.16 00:58 Samantha_K_S_S Random points about my rewrite
Idk what tag/flair fits the best, I'll fix that later, but I figured I'd let people know of some random points that will happen in the rewrite, but I'll only add the season they'll happen in, and it's based off of when they happen in canon - I won't be following canon to the letter, because then it wouldn't be a rewrite, lol. I'd like feedback for each of the plot points:
• Daphne won't be revived. She'll stay dead (s1, s5)
• Bloom and Roxy will know each other already (s4)
• Bloom will develop stronger Dragon Instincts and then a Dragon Side (s1-s3, Dragon Instincts, Dragon Side, in that order)
• Bloom and Flora will swap places during the test or whatever it's called where half of the Winx had to find the weak spot of the Dragon, because logically, fire and water don't mix, it turns to steam (s5, and yes, I'm basing this particular one on logic).
• Loads of Pokémon references will be made by Bloom for the sole reason of Confusion.
• Faragonda will be called out on withholding information really early by a former teacher (s1).
• Griselda will be stricter (s1-s3, s5-s7, s8 is uncertain).
• Bloom & Stella's friendship won't be on BFF level because Bloom already has a BFF, one she's had since childhood.
• Selina won't betray Eldora, but she will still disappear. (s?).
• Roxy, Selina, and Eldora will be introduced very early on (s1).
• Kiko being able to go through the barrier will be explained (s1).
• Many Earth references, phrases, quotes, etc. will be made by Bloom and it'll be like she used Confusion on anyone within earshot.
• In "The Black-Mud Swamp," Bloom will become very *protective*** of her group, and this very *pissed*** at the Troll. (s1 ep4).
Hope you liked the plot points I have for the rewrite, and I'd really appreciate any feedback you have, or if I should change some of it, just keep in mind that Daphne's storyline will remain the one in Season 1, it won't be changed for season 5, because if Aisha can't have Nabu and Musa can't have her mother, why should Bloom be allowed to have her older sister?
PS. Bloom also has a full family consisting of nothing but adoptions on Earth, and I find that really funny, and it also shows that adoptive families irl doesn't have to be just parent(s) and child(ren), but it can also be siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and nieces, which is what Bloom's entire Earth family will consist of...
I'll have to make a custom Family Tree for the rewrite, now that I think about it. I'll include Bloom's birth parents and Daphne, but that's literally the only Sparksian people I will include, but I'll make sure to state their status as "Missing" for the parents and "death by sacrifice" for Daphne.
Once again, I'd appreciate if you could give feedback on the plot points I've listed, just keep in mind the one about Daphne is non-negotiable.
submitted by Samantha_K_S_S to winxclub [link] [comments]
• Daphne won't be revived. She'll stay dead (s1, s5)
• Bloom and Roxy will know each other already (s4)
• Bloom will develop stronger Dragon Instincts and then a Dragon Side (s1-s3, Dragon Instincts, Dragon Side, in that order)
• Bloom and Flora will swap places during the test or whatever it's called where half of the Winx had to find the weak spot of the Dragon, because logically, fire and water don't mix, it turns to steam (s5, and yes, I'm basing this particular one on logic).
• Loads of Pokémon references will be made by Bloom for the sole reason of Confusion.
• Faragonda will be called out on withholding information really early by a former teacher (s1).
• Griselda will be stricter (s1-s3, s5-s7, s8 is uncertain).
• Bloom & Stella's friendship won't be on BFF level because Bloom already has a BFF, one she's had since childhood.
• Selina won't betray Eldora, but she will still disappear. (s?).
• Roxy, Selina, and Eldora will be introduced very early on (s1).
• Kiko being able to go through the barrier will be explained (s1).
• Many Earth references, phrases, quotes, etc. will be made by Bloom and it'll be like she used Confusion on anyone within earshot.
• In "The Black-Mud Swamp," Bloom will become very *protective*** of her group, and this very *pissed*** at the Troll. (s1 ep4).
Hope you liked the plot points I have for the rewrite, and I'd really appreciate any feedback you have, or if I should change some of it, just keep in mind that Daphne's storyline will remain the one in Season 1, it won't be changed for season 5, because if Aisha can't have Nabu and Musa can't have her mother, why should Bloom be allowed to have her older sister?
PS. Bloom also has a full family consisting of nothing but adoptions on Earth, and I find that really funny, and it also shows that adoptive families irl doesn't have to be just parent(s) and child(ren), but it can also be siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and nieces, which is what Bloom's entire Earth family will consist of...
I'll have to make a custom Family Tree for the rewrite, now that I think about it. I'll include Bloom's birth parents and Daphne, but that's literally the only Sparksian people I will include, but I'll make sure to state their status as "Missing" for the parents and "death by sacrifice" for Daphne.
Once again, I'd appreciate if you could give feedback on the plot points I've listed, just keep in mind the one about Daphne is non-negotiable.
2024.05.16 00:47 lazylittlelady Poetry Corner: May 15 "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley
Dear Poetry Fanciers,
Welcome back for a special Victorian edition of Poetry Corner, brought to you by u/NightAngelRogue and a splendid accompaniment for our upcoming read of The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage. Just a reminder, if there is a special poem you would like to feature in Poetry Corner, just send me a message and we'll get it the schedule!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Joke:
Q: Nelson Mandela, Tuberculosis and Long John Silver walk in a bar. Who are they talking about as they go in?
A: Probably William Ernest Henley (1849-1903).
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Poet, journalist, literary critic, editor, publisher, translator and Victorian-extraordinaire, Henley, was a good friend to Robert Louis Stevenson, who he inspired to write the character "Long John Silver" in Treasure Island. Stevenson, writing to Henley-" I will now make a confession: It was the sight of your maimed strength and masterfulness that begot Long John Silver ... the idea of the maimed man, ruling and dreaded by the sound, was entirely taken from you". The friendship was a tumultuous and long one.
Henley's sickly daughter, Margaret, was the inspiration of "Wendy" in J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. She would not live long past her 5th birthday, the only child Henley had with his wife, Hannah "Anna" Johnston Boyle. Tragedy had long painted his life even before this sad event. He was diagnosed with a rare form of tuberculosis at age 12, that affected his bones. His left leg had to be amputated below the knee when Henley was a young man, and he was often in the hospital with various abscesses that need to be drained. Frequent illness kept him out of school and interrupted his professional work. Henley eventually sought out the advice of Joseph Lister, who was pioneering new techniques, including antiseptic operating conditions and doing groundbreaking research on wounds, when his right foot become affected by the tuberculosis. Still, his ill-health did not keep him from practicing his art. While Lister kept him under observation at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh, from 1873-75, Henly wrote and published a collection of poems, which include today's selection, In Hospital (1903). This collection of poems is notable also because it was one of the earliest examples of free verse in English poetry. Henley and others in his group became known as the "Henley Regatta" for their championing of realism, such as the poor working conditions in the Victorian underbelly, in opposition to the Decadent movement in France and the Aesthetic movement closer to home. This would be the last collection of poetry and the most impactful of his work; his death would follow later that year. Unfortunately, a fall from a carriage reawakened the latent tuberculosis hiding inside him, which carried him off age 53. He was buried next to his daughter, in Cockaney Hatley, Bedfordshire. His wife would later also be buried alongside her family.
His legacy is one that is both inspiring and rather dispiriting. His poetry was used for jingoistic and imperialist causes, and to champion war, though much of it was about personal striving and inner resolve-the mythical "Stiff Upper Lip" of the Victorian era. This led to push back in the literary world, as D.H. Lawrence's short story, "England, My England and Other Stories" took flight from one of the lines from "Pro Rege Nostro", which is more patriotic than his usual work. Admittedly, he counted himself as a conservative and supported the imperial effort, as much of Victorian society did at this time. Still, his work fell into obscurity, with the main exception of "Invictus"-Latin for "unconquered". It is well known that Nelson Mandela recited this poem to his fellow inmates in Robben Island as a reminder to stay strong and keep one's dignity. There are also, of course, the Invictus Games, which are held for injured and sick service men and women and veterans in the UK.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Winston Churchill to the House of Commons, September 9, 1941:
"“The mood of Britain is wisely and rightly averse from every form of shallow or premature exultation. This is no time for boasts or glowing prophecies, but there is this—a year ago our position looked forlorn, and well nigh desperate, to all eyes but our own. Today we may say aloud before an awe-struck world, ‘We are still masters of our fate. We still are captain of our souls.'” (link)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sidney Low, in "Some Memories and Impressions – William Ernest Henley". The Living Age (1897–1941) describing his friend:
"... to me he was the startling image of Pan come to Earth and clothed—the great god Pan...with halting foot and flaming shaggy hair, and arms and shoulders huge and threatening, like those of some Faun or Satyr of the ancient woods, and the brow and eyes of the Olympians." (link)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Andrzej Diniejko on Henley as "poet as a patient" and his work predating modern forms of poetry "not only in form, as experiments in free verse containing abrasive narrative shifts and internal monologue, but also in subject matter". (link)
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Invictus"
by William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
This poem is in the public domain.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Some things to discuss might be the title. How does the defiant spirit of this "Unconquered" opening play throughout the lines of the poem? There is also a reference to the Bible Verse Matthew 7:14 in the poem, "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it". Why do you think this included? What lines stand out to you? How do you see him fit into the Victorian literary furniture, if you will? Have you heard this poem before? How does this fit in with the melancholy feel of the Bonus Poem, if you read it? What other poets do you enjoy from this era of literature?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bonus Poem: We'll Go No More a-Roving
Bonus Link #1: "Love Blows As the Wind Blows" (1911) song-cycle by George Butterworth, with Henley's poetry put to music and song.
Bonus Link #2: A literary review of the Victorian Era.
Bonus Link #3: Read the other poems included in the collection, In Hospital.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
If you missed last's month poem, you can find it here.
submitted by lazylittlelady to bookclub [link] [comments]
Welcome back for a special Victorian edition of Poetry Corner, brought to you by u/NightAngelRogue and a splendid accompaniment for our upcoming read of The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage. Just a reminder, if there is a special poem you would like to feature in Poetry Corner, just send me a message and we'll get it the schedule!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Joke:
Q: Nelson Mandela, Tuberculosis and Long John Silver walk in a bar. Who are they talking about as they go in?
A: Probably William Ernest Henley (1849-1903).
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Poet, journalist, literary critic, editor, publisher, translator and Victorian-extraordinaire, Henley, was a good friend to Robert Louis Stevenson, who he inspired to write the character "Long John Silver" in Treasure Island. Stevenson, writing to Henley-" I will now make a confession: It was the sight of your maimed strength and masterfulness that begot Long John Silver ... the idea of the maimed man, ruling and dreaded by the sound, was entirely taken from you". The friendship was a tumultuous and long one.
Henley's sickly daughter, Margaret, was the inspiration of "Wendy" in J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. She would not live long past her 5th birthday, the only child Henley had with his wife, Hannah "Anna" Johnston Boyle. Tragedy had long painted his life even before this sad event. He was diagnosed with a rare form of tuberculosis at age 12, that affected his bones. His left leg had to be amputated below the knee when Henley was a young man, and he was often in the hospital with various abscesses that need to be drained. Frequent illness kept him out of school and interrupted his professional work. Henley eventually sought out the advice of Joseph Lister, who was pioneering new techniques, including antiseptic operating conditions and doing groundbreaking research on wounds, when his right foot become affected by the tuberculosis. Still, his ill-health did not keep him from practicing his art. While Lister kept him under observation at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh, from 1873-75, Henly wrote and published a collection of poems, which include today's selection, In Hospital (1903). This collection of poems is notable also because it was one of the earliest examples of free verse in English poetry. Henley and others in his group became known as the "Henley Regatta" for their championing of realism, such as the poor working conditions in the Victorian underbelly, in opposition to the Decadent movement in France and the Aesthetic movement closer to home. This would be the last collection of poetry and the most impactful of his work; his death would follow later that year. Unfortunately, a fall from a carriage reawakened the latent tuberculosis hiding inside him, which carried him off age 53. He was buried next to his daughter, in Cockaney Hatley, Bedfordshire. His wife would later also be buried alongside her family.
His legacy is one that is both inspiring and rather dispiriting. His poetry was used for jingoistic and imperialist causes, and to champion war, though much of it was about personal striving and inner resolve-the mythical "Stiff Upper Lip" of the Victorian era. This led to push back in the literary world, as D.H. Lawrence's short story, "England, My England and Other Stories" took flight from one of the lines from "Pro Rege Nostro", which is more patriotic than his usual work. Admittedly, he counted himself as a conservative and supported the imperial effort, as much of Victorian society did at this time. Still, his work fell into obscurity, with the main exception of "Invictus"-Latin for "unconquered". It is well known that Nelson Mandela recited this poem to his fellow inmates in Robben Island as a reminder to stay strong and keep one's dignity. There are also, of course, the Invictus Games, which are held for injured and sick service men and women and veterans in the UK.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Winston Churchill to the House of Commons, September 9, 1941:
"“The mood of Britain is wisely and rightly averse from every form of shallow or premature exultation. This is no time for boasts or glowing prophecies, but there is this—a year ago our position looked forlorn, and well nigh desperate, to all eyes but our own. Today we may say aloud before an awe-struck world, ‘We are still masters of our fate. We still are captain of our souls.'” (link)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sidney Low, in "Some Memories and Impressions – William Ernest Henley". The Living Age (1897–1941) describing his friend:
"... to me he was the startling image of Pan come to Earth and clothed—the great god Pan...with halting foot and flaming shaggy hair, and arms and shoulders huge and threatening, like those of some Faun or Satyr of the ancient woods, and the brow and eyes of the Olympians." (link)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Andrzej Diniejko on Henley as "poet as a patient" and his work predating modern forms of poetry "not only in form, as experiments in free verse containing abrasive narrative shifts and internal monologue, but also in subject matter". (link)
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Invictus"
by William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
This poem is in the public domain.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Some things to discuss might be the title. How does the defiant spirit of this "Unconquered" opening play throughout the lines of the poem? There is also a reference to the Bible Verse Matthew 7:14 in the poem, "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it". Why do you think this included? What lines stand out to you? How do you see him fit into the Victorian literary furniture, if you will? Have you heard this poem before? How does this fit in with the melancholy feel of the Bonus Poem, if you read it? What other poets do you enjoy from this era of literature?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bonus Poem: We'll Go No More a-Roving
Bonus Link #1: "Love Blows As the Wind Blows" (1911) song-cycle by George Butterworth, with Henley's poetry put to music and song.
Bonus Link #2: A literary review of the Victorian Era.
Bonus Link #3: Read the other poems included in the collection, In Hospital.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
If you missed last's month poem, you can find it here.
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2024.05.15 23:53 shaneka69 CANCER ZODIAC - UNEXPECTED INCOME! TAROT READING MAY 2024
CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024
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2024.05.15 23:44 shaneka69 LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024
LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024
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2024.05.15 23:39 z3in-23 I'm an idiot
Okay I was watching Punch-Drunk Love (highly recommended movie) and I find it so relatable and I finally have the guts to share the most embarrassing story you've heard and be ready to cringe. This is a long one lads, it's a lore.
I was 11 turning 12 years old and this girl comes to my school who had just moved from Saudi. She used to get the best grades in school, you know she is the cool girl. My mom liked her when she met her at PTA and that was like a seal of approval for young me. (Context: - I live in an Asian country)
My mind fixated on her although she was an year and exactly 6 months older than me. (Same grade). So here's where the plot thickens. Grade 6, enters another student, let's call him Cow. So Cow sat near me from the first day of school and I introduced him to everything. He became more sociable than I am and the dude didn't care I mean that's alright shit happens but he became close to the girl I like. (Let's call her Moose)
Fast forward 5 years later, Cow and Moose are close friends and Cow's friends were shipping him for her. She kept friend zoning him. I have never talked to Moose ever. Like never. We were in the same class. Last day of school, I was relieved to be leaving my shitty school life just as I'm leaving Moose says bye to me like she waves her hand and I was like you talking to me (like De Niro). So I called up a friend I know (prefect) and he gave me her number and my excuse was that I needed the numbers of the students I didn't have contacts in class and he bought it. So I hit her up. I was mansplaining the fuck out. She took it like a good sport. We were texting for a while.
But Cow didn't like it. We were supposed to meet to get the leaving certificates back at school. Moose wanted to get it at the same time as me. Guess who's there. The motherfucking boogeyman, I swear jealousy is a motherfucker sometimes I can't ignore it. But guess what she called him "her brother" and I was sitting at the office couch and those words hit like melody to me. And I got up, talked to her. Like that shit gave me confidence like never before and it's gonna comeback to haunt me (later you'll realize). So I accidentally flirted at her and Cow went like "Huh". So now I'm overwhelmed and I realized I'm running my mouth too much so I went outside and this girl calls me.
Context about this other girl: - So you know how tuition classes are a thing in Asia so I was in an IT class where I know this girl from a ceremony. She became a real close friend to me and she'll play an important role later. (Let's call her Mini Cooper (coz she's short 😂))
So she saw me from her school van. And she was giving me a call. Looking back, she liked me. I hid the fact that I had a crush on Moose.
And now Cow is pissed off at me and he is pillow-talking through texts. He shares that embarrassing story where I broke fast for just a lollipop for my friend's birthday which is meant to be a fucking joke. Moose said these things to me and I wanted to get back at him so bad.
Now I'm in my relative's funeral and I was bored af (sounds terrible I'm sorry) and Mini Cooper started texting me after an Instagram story I posted. Atp she knows that I had a crush on Moose. I was loathing about the fact that Cow and his friends and Moose go to the same college now and I'm alone and shit and they are taking photos. I had severe Fear of Missing Out. And She mentioned about her friend that goes to the same college. And we find out that both these girls are best friends. I felt like I hit the jackpot. So I beg Mini Cooper to talk her friend and get her on my side. I was trying to be the parasite coz Cow was using his friends to ship him to her. So Mini Cooper set it up. And she said that this friend is a "high maintenance" and I should've knew then. I hit her up (let's call her Molly Shannon(glasses)) and it was cool and it went on. Now here comes the most embarrassing thing that happened. (if you've read up to this point huge thank you, coz my own ass wouldn't read something this long)
I was in Mania after the funeral ended and I was so overwhelmed to get back at Cow. So I started texting Cow. Stupid move like moving your Queen diagnol to the bishop. I was asking some stupid shit like When's your birthday and replying like "Oh yeah mine's at the end of November". And I asked how's college and shit. Then I asked "Do you know this girl? Molly Shannon(not her real name)" and dude was like "Yeah the girl with glasses" she hangs around with Moose. So I was like "she's my relative". This is the moment where I fucked up big time. Coz I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what my plan was. He was like "Oh Nice".
So I stopped texting Molly Shannon after that coz she is a weirdo and I had not realized what I've done coz I completely ignored.
Weeks later, I see a Snapchat snap and Cow, his friends, Molly Shannon and Moose were going on a bus. Seemed like a flex on me. And I was like sighing. Then I get a call. It's from Cow. Cow takes a call with his friends and starts making fun of me. "Molly Shannon is your cousin?" with Molly Shannon laughing in the background. I was so embarrassed of it. My anxiety was creeping up. She ratted on me for clout.
So I joined this college (bcoz I'm stupid but yeah it ended up being a good choice thank god) and there was a orientation party and I was walking from mosque to college. And suddenly, Cow and his friends appear and they start making fun of me through the whole party. I fucked up big time. And this took a huge toll on my mental health. Plus the barber fucked my hair up and I was wearing a cap and I was walking around the party like an idiot with nobody. Moose and Molly Shannon were looking at me like crazy.
I call Mini Cooper and she calmed me down. (Best friend ever, love you ❤️) but I did more wrong to her coz I'm an entitled asshole. To dismiss the cousin rumours I said it was Mini Cooper's idea. She knew but she never spoke of it. The thing about Mini Cooper is my mom didn't like her. That's the thing that kept me from getting close to her. My mom made me not hang out with people she didn't like.
Okay, the most important fact here is that Moose never knew about any of this shit. She didn't know I had a crush on her. She didn't know the cousin thing. And it was weird. I went to her DMs and started apologizing for no reason. Another embarrassing moment. But Thank God.
This thing kept on bugging me for so long and I was already suicidal. Cow and I are the only ones in College and we weren't as terrible as we were before coz Moose left college in her 1st year. I tried to make it as funny as possible but you know it sounds terrible. And Mini Cooper, I know you know. I'm sorry.
This is one of the two embarrassing moments between Me and Moose. I do care if nobody reads, it would hurt me that this shit I did goes unacknowledged. Fellas, don't worry if you fucked up, you can't fuck up as much me.
This is a story of an entitled, pathetic, anxious, full of himself and impulsive idiot.
submitted by z3in-23 to self [link] [comments]
I was 11 turning 12 years old and this girl comes to my school who had just moved from Saudi. She used to get the best grades in school, you know she is the cool girl. My mom liked her when she met her at PTA and that was like a seal of approval for young me. (Context: - I live in an Asian country)
My mind fixated on her although she was an year and exactly 6 months older than me. (Same grade). So here's where the plot thickens. Grade 6, enters another student, let's call him Cow. So Cow sat near me from the first day of school and I introduced him to everything. He became more sociable than I am and the dude didn't care I mean that's alright shit happens but he became close to the girl I like. (Let's call her Moose)
Fast forward 5 years later, Cow and Moose are close friends and Cow's friends were shipping him for her. She kept friend zoning him. I have never talked to Moose ever. Like never. We were in the same class. Last day of school, I was relieved to be leaving my shitty school life just as I'm leaving Moose says bye to me like she waves her hand and I was like you talking to me (like De Niro). So I called up a friend I know (prefect) and he gave me her number and my excuse was that I needed the numbers of the students I didn't have contacts in class and he bought it. So I hit her up. I was mansplaining the fuck out. She took it like a good sport. We were texting for a while.
But Cow didn't like it. We were supposed to meet to get the leaving certificates back at school. Moose wanted to get it at the same time as me. Guess who's there. The motherfucking boogeyman, I swear jealousy is a motherfucker sometimes I can't ignore it. But guess what she called him "her brother" and I was sitting at the office couch and those words hit like melody to me. And I got up, talked to her. Like that shit gave me confidence like never before and it's gonna comeback to haunt me (later you'll realize). So I accidentally flirted at her and Cow went like "Huh". So now I'm overwhelmed and I realized I'm running my mouth too much so I went outside and this girl calls me.
Context about this other girl: - So you know how tuition classes are a thing in Asia so I was in an IT class where I know this girl from a ceremony. She became a real close friend to me and she'll play an important role later. (Let's call her Mini Cooper (coz she's short 😂))
So she saw me from her school van. And she was giving me a call. Looking back, she liked me. I hid the fact that I had a crush on Moose.
And now Cow is pissed off at me and he is pillow-talking through texts. He shares that embarrassing story where I broke fast for just a lollipop for my friend's birthday which is meant to be a fucking joke. Moose said these things to me and I wanted to get back at him so bad.
Now I'm in my relative's funeral and I was bored af (sounds terrible I'm sorry) and Mini Cooper started texting me after an Instagram story I posted. Atp she knows that I had a crush on Moose. I was loathing about the fact that Cow and his friends and Moose go to the same college now and I'm alone and shit and they are taking photos. I had severe Fear of Missing Out. And She mentioned about her friend that goes to the same college. And we find out that both these girls are best friends. I felt like I hit the jackpot. So I beg Mini Cooper to talk her friend and get her on my side. I was trying to be the parasite coz Cow was using his friends to ship him to her. So Mini Cooper set it up. And she said that this friend is a "high maintenance" and I should've knew then. I hit her up (let's call her Molly Shannon(glasses)) and it was cool and it went on. Now here comes the most embarrassing thing that happened. (if you've read up to this point huge thank you, coz my own ass wouldn't read something this long)
I was in Mania after the funeral ended and I was so overwhelmed to get back at Cow. So I started texting Cow. Stupid move like moving your Queen diagnol to the bishop. I was asking some stupid shit like When's your birthday and replying like "Oh yeah mine's at the end of November". And I asked how's college and shit. Then I asked "Do you know this girl? Molly Shannon(not her real name)" and dude was like "Yeah the girl with glasses" she hangs around with Moose. So I was like "she's my relative". This is the moment where I fucked up big time. Coz I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what my plan was. He was like "Oh Nice".
So I stopped texting Molly Shannon after that coz she is a weirdo and I had not realized what I've done coz I completely ignored.
Weeks later, I see a Snapchat snap and Cow, his friends, Molly Shannon and Moose were going on a bus. Seemed like a flex on me. And I was like sighing. Then I get a call. It's from Cow. Cow takes a call with his friends and starts making fun of me. "Molly Shannon is your cousin?" with Molly Shannon laughing in the background. I was so embarrassed of it. My anxiety was creeping up. She ratted on me for clout.
So I joined this college (bcoz I'm stupid but yeah it ended up being a good choice thank god) and there was a orientation party and I was walking from mosque to college. And suddenly, Cow and his friends appear and they start making fun of me through the whole party. I fucked up big time. And this took a huge toll on my mental health. Plus the barber fucked my hair up and I was wearing a cap and I was walking around the party like an idiot with nobody. Moose and Molly Shannon were looking at me like crazy.
I call Mini Cooper and she calmed me down. (Best friend ever, love you ❤️) but I did more wrong to her coz I'm an entitled asshole. To dismiss the cousin rumours I said it was Mini Cooper's idea. She knew but she never spoke of it. The thing about Mini Cooper is my mom didn't like her. That's the thing that kept me from getting close to her. My mom made me not hang out with people she didn't like.
Okay, the most important fact here is that Moose never knew about any of this shit. She didn't know I had a crush on her. She didn't know the cousin thing. And it was weird. I went to her DMs and started apologizing for no reason. Another embarrassing moment. But Thank God.
This thing kept on bugging me for so long and I was already suicidal. Cow and I are the only ones in College and we weren't as terrible as we were before coz Moose left college in her 1st year. I tried to make it as funny as possible but you know it sounds terrible. And Mini Cooper, I know you know. I'm sorry.
This is one of the two embarrassing moments between Me and Moose. I do care if nobody reads, it would hurt me that this shit I did goes unacknowledged. Fellas, don't worry if you fucked up, you can't fuck up as much me.
This is a story of an entitled, pathetic, anxious, full of himself and impulsive idiot.
2024.05.15 23:31 Weekly-Fix3716 AITA for demanding an apology from my mother while refusing to apologize for something I already apologized for?
I worked for my brother for 20 years after turning down a huge opportunity making six figures in NYC. I brought my girlfriend-now-wife from the city she adored where she had a solid career. For 20 years I was consistently the rainmaker of the firm, worked long hours, weekends, holidays. On a office wide conference call it was announced to the entire firm--including me, for the first time, that two associates were named partners and the firm was "rebranding". This was never discussed with me, at all.
Humiliated,I had no choice but to leave the firm. This was a huge shock and disruption. At 58, tough to rehire.One kid was headed to college and the other was halfway thru private high school. My FILs funeral was the next day. My wife was terrified.My daughter offered to delay college.I had very little time to set up my new firm, secure work, etc.
Didn't hear from mom for 2 months afterward. After nervously prattling about the weather she blurted out "I know there's stuff going on at work", immediately adding she "didn't want to get involved."(She had heard something had happened, obviously, but was not interested in my telling of it.)She did not ask about my financial state, what I was going to do, or even how I felt.I told her I was upset by her reaction and why. Then I hung up on her, apologizing for that almost immediately in a text (wife talked me into it).
Mom sent me a card saying she was sorry she hurt my feelings, but she "refused to be a referee" in this matter. Again, I corrected her in a text, I didn't want a referee, I wanted her concern and support, I wanted her to be interested in what would happen with me and my family.
She continues to send passive-aggressive guilt trip birthday cards to me and my kids (ignoring my wife, who thinks is just a troublemaker in general and is supporting our estrangement...my wife grew up with abusive drug-addicted parents who she was estranged from for periods), refuses to call me directly, and angrily insists (in cards) I am the one who needs to apologize (for hanging up on her years ago). She falsely accused me of refusing to speak to her unless she cuts off the rest of the fam. I wrote her a letter explaining all this recently, never heard back. My kids (now both at college)are angry with the fam including Grandma. The cousins shame them for being mean and disrespectful to Grandma. I might also add that I am the only one who did not "marry up", my wife grew up poor has been snubbed by fam for years for years, which my parents allowed. AITA? Are my kids?
submitted by Weekly-Fix3716 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
Humiliated,I had no choice but to leave the firm. This was a huge shock and disruption. At 58, tough to rehire.One kid was headed to college and the other was halfway thru private high school. My FILs funeral was the next day. My wife was terrified.My daughter offered to delay college.I had very little time to set up my new firm, secure work, etc.
Didn't hear from mom for 2 months afterward. After nervously prattling about the weather she blurted out "I know there's stuff going on at work", immediately adding she "didn't want to get involved."(She had heard something had happened, obviously, but was not interested in my telling of it.)She did not ask about my financial state, what I was going to do, or even how I felt.I told her I was upset by her reaction and why. Then I hung up on her, apologizing for that almost immediately in a text (wife talked me into it).
Mom sent me a card saying she was sorry she hurt my feelings, but she "refused to be a referee" in this matter. Again, I corrected her in a text, I didn't want a referee, I wanted her concern and support, I wanted her to be interested in what would happen with me and my family.
She continues to send passive-aggressive guilt trip birthday cards to me and my kids (ignoring my wife, who thinks is just a troublemaker in general and is supporting our estrangement...my wife grew up with abusive drug-addicted parents who she was estranged from for periods), refuses to call me directly, and angrily insists (in cards) I am the one who needs to apologize (for hanging up on her years ago). She falsely accused me of refusing to speak to her unless she cuts off the rest of the fam. I wrote her a letter explaining all this recently, never heard back. My kids (now both at college)are angry with the fam including Grandma. The cousins shame them for being mean and disrespectful to Grandma. I might also add that I am the only one who did not "marry up", my wife grew up poor has been snubbed by fam for years for years, which my parents allowed. AITA? Are my kids?
2024.05.15 23:11 jaydalogar Spoke to my first gf, this is how it went. What should I do now? 32M 31F
Long story so please bear with me.
I was with my first love for 3 and a bit years, we met in late 2010 before we broke up 10 years ago in early 2014. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out.
I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy after me for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.
After her breakup in 2017 I confessed my feelings for her but we didn't go anywhere with it as she was still healing so I told her I need to cut her off at the point because I told her I was struggling to be just friends with her, to which she said that she was heartbroken that's it come to us parting ways. But we wished each other well and went our separate ways. I was really at my lowest at that point but have come a really long way since in terms of having a successful career and have improved a lot financially and mentally.
At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her, I regretted deleting her afterwards.
At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around a year and a half ago. A few monthds ago I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. They got divorced around early 2022.
As for me I did get in to another relationship with someone else but I was also cheated on so I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and have recently started a new chapter in my career. I considered getting in touch with her a few months ago but I noticed that she had cut off a lot of people from her social media so I wasnt too sure how she'd react to me adding her, I thought she'd reject me seen as she's cutting off a lot of people.
So around 3 months ago I took the plunge seen as I had nothing to lose and sent her a request on instagram, and she has accepted and also followed me back. She's been viewing my stories and a month ago I posted a life quote on my story which she liked, I haven't spoke to her yet. I posted a few pictures of myself which she hasn't liked but A few weeks ago I posted a quote on my story that said 'be the reason for someone's pain to turn into a smile', she liked that quote and also another one that I posted last week. It was my birthday a few days ago and she liked a birthday story that I posted on instagram. I'm limiting the amount of posts that I like of hers because I don't want to seem too forward.
I'm assuming she is single but not entirely sure. I added her 3 months ago but she deleted me, I was confused because she only liked one of my stories few days prior. I would have liked to see if there was future for us but don't think she's interested now, i have messaged her saying 'Hi, hope your well. I probably should have said something a long time ago but I didn't, my fault. I've been praying for you, today I realise I've been deleted anyways I hope your keeping happy and healthy'. She replied saying 'Hey I'm good thanks hope you are too, that is kind of you, I didn't expect this kind of message'.
I didn't really know what to say back to her, I still don't understand why she deleted me even though days before she was showing an interest in my stories before and now she's deleted me. I have just replied saying 'that's good. Sorry for catching you off guard with it, I wanted to reach out to you earlier. I'm glad your doing well though' and now she has replied back saying 'can I ask why?' I replied back saying 'It's been on my mind for a while to get back in touch with you, I didn't add you for no reason. But we don't need to if it's not something your comfortable with'. She has now sent a long message as follows: 'You don’t make me feel uncomfortable. I have thought about you over the years and wished you well.
I removed you because you have my ex and his family on your instagram and I removed everyone who has any contact with them. You will have heard that I was married there for a short period of time but it was hell and now I’m out of it I don’t want them knowing anything about my life, so I removed everyone who has any link with them. I didn’t realise till that day that you did. It was nothing to do with you personally.' .
Im not actually friends with her ex husband as he is just someone that lives nearby to me and we have never spoken so I have now replied with this: 'I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I hope your okay and I pray god brings you ease. I wouldn't exactly say I have anything to do with them personally though, only thing I know about them is that they're from my area too. It makes sense now and it's understandable why you did that.'
She has replied back again saying 'I'm great, God is the best of planners and it was the best thing for me. Even so, I removed everyone who had us both so sorry about that' and to which I have replied 'That's fair enough, I'm glad to hear your doing well though and that your at peace now. That's what matters most'. She had now asked 'how have you been, what's new with you?' I have just replied saying 'I'm not too bad thanks, life's changed a lot since we last spoke so there's quite a lot that's new lol'. after that we were speaking generally about the holiday that I'm currently on and what to do as she has been here before too and she also asked how long I'm there for and she asked who ive gone with and how long im on holiday for, it was in general a short and civilised conversation.
Towards the end of the conversation she said 'well i hope you have a lovely time 😊' and i replied with thank you and asked her when she was on holiday here, she replied saying that she went last November and the year before so then i replied saying 'oh nice, its good to go often. Need to make it a yearly thing' She ended the conversation 9 nights ago by liking that last message i sent, I don't know if she plans to message me again, What are the chances that she'll message me even if we don't follow each other on instagram anymore. I am slightly anxious that she won't message me after this due to her deleting me because her ex is on my Instagram. Was thinking of just giving her space for a few more days, then deleting her ex and requesting her back in around in a few days bear in mind she deleted me 2 weeks ago and we havent spoken in 9 days. Should I give her some space for a few days then add her back and remove her ex? Detailed answer
submitted by jaydalogar to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I was with my first love for 3 and a bit years, we met in late 2010 before we broke up 10 years ago in early 2014. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out.
I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy after me for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.
After her breakup in 2017 I confessed my feelings for her but we didn't go anywhere with it as she was still healing so I told her I need to cut her off at the point because I told her I was struggling to be just friends with her, to which she said that she was heartbroken that's it come to us parting ways. But we wished each other well and went our separate ways. I was really at my lowest at that point but have come a really long way since in terms of having a successful career and have improved a lot financially and mentally.
At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her, I regretted deleting her afterwards.
At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around a year and a half ago. A few monthds ago I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. They got divorced around early 2022.
As for me I did get in to another relationship with someone else but I was also cheated on so I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and have recently started a new chapter in my career. I considered getting in touch with her a few months ago but I noticed that she had cut off a lot of people from her social media so I wasnt too sure how she'd react to me adding her, I thought she'd reject me seen as she's cutting off a lot of people.
So around 3 months ago I took the plunge seen as I had nothing to lose and sent her a request on instagram, and she has accepted and also followed me back. She's been viewing my stories and a month ago I posted a life quote on my story which she liked, I haven't spoke to her yet. I posted a few pictures of myself which she hasn't liked but A few weeks ago I posted a quote on my story that said 'be the reason for someone's pain to turn into a smile', she liked that quote and also another one that I posted last week. It was my birthday a few days ago and she liked a birthday story that I posted on instagram. I'm limiting the amount of posts that I like of hers because I don't want to seem too forward.
I'm assuming she is single but not entirely sure. I added her 3 months ago but she deleted me, I was confused because she only liked one of my stories few days prior. I would have liked to see if there was future for us but don't think she's interested now, i have messaged her saying 'Hi, hope your well. I probably should have said something a long time ago but I didn't, my fault. I've been praying for you, today I realise I've been deleted anyways I hope your keeping happy and healthy'. She replied saying 'Hey I'm good thanks hope you are too, that is kind of you, I didn't expect this kind of message'.
I didn't really know what to say back to her, I still don't understand why she deleted me even though days before she was showing an interest in my stories before and now she's deleted me. I have just replied saying 'that's good. Sorry for catching you off guard with it, I wanted to reach out to you earlier. I'm glad your doing well though' and now she has replied back saying 'can I ask why?' I replied back saying 'It's been on my mind for a while to get back in touch with you, I didn't add you for no reason. But we don't need to if it's not something your comfortable with'. She has now sent a long message as follows: 'You don’t make me feel uncomfortable. I have thought about you over the years and wished you well.
I removed you because you have my ex and his family on your instagram and I removed everyone who has any contact with them. You will have heard that I was married there for a short period of time but it was hell and now I’m out of it I don’t want them knowing anything about my life, so I removed everyone who has any link with them. I didn’t realise till that day that you did. It was nothing to do with you personally.' .
Im not actually friends with her ex husband as he is just someone that lives nearby to me and we have never spoken so I have now replied with this: 'I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I hope your okay and I pray god brings you ease. I wouldn't exactly say I have anything to do with them personally though, only thing I know about them is that they're from my area too. It makes sense now and it's understandable why you did that.'
She has replied back again saying 'I'm great, God is the best of planners and it was the best thing for me. Even so, I removed everyone who had us both so sorry about that' and to which I have replied 'That's fair enough, I'm glad to hear your doing well though and that your at peace now. That's what matters most'. She had now asked 'how have you been, what's new with you?' I have just replied saying 'I'm not too bad thanks, life's changed a lot since we last spoke so there's quite a lot that's new lol'. after that we were speaking generally about the holiday that I'm currently on and what to do as she has been here before too and she also asked how long I'm there for and she asked who ive gone with and how long im on holiday for, it was in general a short and civilised conversation.
Towards the end of the conversation she said 'well i hope you have a lovely time 😊' and i replied with thank you and asked her when she was on holiday here, she replied saying that she went last November and the year before so then i replied saying 'oh nice, its good to go often. Need to make it a yearly thing' She ended the conversation 9 nights ago by liking that last message i sent, I don't know if she plans to message me again, What are the chances that she'll message me even if we don't follow each other on instagram anymore. I am slightly anxious that she won't message me after this due to her deleting me because her ex is on my Instagram. Was thinking of just giving her space for a few more days, then deleting her ex and requesting her back in around in a few days bear in mind she deleted me 2 weeks ago and we havent spoken in 9 days. Should I give her some space for a few days then add her back and remove her ex? Detailed answer
2024.05.15 23:10 CleanElk3560 AITAH - for cutting my mom off from my life because of a birthday text.
I'm not doing great at the moment since it just happened. I don't like gossip or talking behind people's back. Ironic I know. This post is about whether or not I did the right thing. Please don't insult anyone else: my mom (umm), my wife (Annie), my dad (abpa), my brother (Barry), my sister (Maggie), my cousin (Frank).
Save your judgment for me. Context: I'm 35M. first born. I left home after a huge fight with my mom after college. I was homeless for a bit. We've since reconciled. But I suppose not anymore. There's history there.
I'm only posting to see if what I did was wrong.
All names have been replaced and are not real. Other details like dates and places that are personally identifiable will be removed/changed. There are two languages: I will always show the original and translate as fairly as I can.
It is relevant for fairness to share that my mom is 3 hours ahead of me. I'm west coast, she's east coast. (10am for me it's 1pm for her) My time will be shown in the messages.
I will keep all messages exact and unedited, outside of the above.
I repeat: DO NOT INSULT MY MOM OR WIFE OR FAMILY. am I the asshole. nothing about them. just me.
On Mom's Birthday:
Mom [10:43am] it's mom's birthday but nothing is here (original: 엄마 생일인데 아무것도 없어.) [10:52am] [Picture of kitchen island with boxed tonesunscreen on it] [10:53am] (Mom is/I am) really sad. This is what Annie sent me for a gift. $10-20 toiletries. Something I don't even use. (original: 엄마 많이 섭섭해. 이게 [name]가 보낸 선물이야. $10-20 짜리 화장품. 엄마 이거 쓰지도 않는데.)
Me [11:51am] She got the same thing she got for you and her mom. Throw it out and I'll make sure to buy something nicer for you.
Mom [12:03pm] If she or her mom got the thing then I should get the same thing. I'm not Annie or Annie's mom. I'm your mom. You shouldn't treat me like this. [12:07pm] Not even one happy birthday said. (original: 생일 축하한단 말 한마디 없이.)
Me [12:56pm] call (no answer) [1:11pm] call (no answer)
Next day:
Mom [5:10am] I didn't answer the phone yesterday because I felt like I'm crying. I don’t want to talk like that with you. When you got married Annie I tried to treat her as an our family member. I know I can not treat her same as Maggie (my sister). But last year she didn’t say any word on my birthday. Even you and I talked on the phone. I didn’t want so much from her just as a family say good word on birthday wishes. This year same thing. And you, when you asked me what can I do for you ( maybe you forgot that even you asked) I literally said “다른거 필요 없고 무슨날 엄마 밥이나 사줘” (translation: I don't need anything just buy me some dinner some time) I’m not asking you expensive things. Don’t say throw them out but nicer things. You really missed the point.
Me [11:28am] You were upset because I didn’t do something for your birthday by 1040am on a Workday. It’s not about expensive things but you want to text a picture of the gift and say it’s $10-20. You got a gift, but no card. It’s cheap but it’s not about money. Annie’s a family member, how could she not text. Right after she texted happy mother’s day to you. Yesterday before dinner, Annie tells me “make sure you call your mom it’s her birthday”. I didn’t tell her what happened because I don’t gossip and talk bad about people behind their back. I call or text and wish a happy birthday to family. Like I’ve done every year. It’s the same as what everyone does for me. Sometimes I don’t get a call. Sometimes I don’t get a text. Sometimes the call/text comes a day later. Never did I text my family members in the morning asking why people didn’t do more for me. I’ll make sure to let Annie know about wishing happy birthday to you. In my screenshot is my daily goals from yesterday, I was excited about this week. One of those things was, of course, calling you for your birthday, just like I called for mother’s day. Two hours later while I’m in a work meeting with my boss, 1040am, I get a text from you telling me about how sad you are from my wife’s cheap gift and how I haven’t said happy birthday yet. Yesterday I woke up and went to work, and planned to call you after. You have a habit of disproportionately trying to make me feel bad. You’ve done it on your birthday before many years ago after you and abpa[dad in korean] had a fight. I was a college student and you took it out on me cause I was the easy target. You’re an adult. Your child can call later in the day to wish you a happy birthday. It’s not okay to text trying to make your son feel bad about not doing something sooner. [11:29am] [Screenshot of whatsapp conversation between me and my virtual assistant] [Screenshot start] [8:13am yesterday] Goals for Today, I want to be disciplined. It’s been a few weeks now since my conference and because of the conference and drinking there, I became slow and lost the energy to stay on top of my diet/exercise and morning routines that I was so happy and proud of. Let’s get back to that this week. Let’s work hard, let’s continue to set sights on big goals. I want to work on the 3 projects I have going right now. [personal project 1 company idea], [personal project 2 company idea], and [current company].
Today I will exercise 25 situps, 25 pushups, 25 curls, 25 shoulder press, and 25 squats. Today I will finish a few [work things] for [company]. Today I will teach class for [project 2] finish [lesson], and let folks know that there will not be class on wednesday. I will call my mom later today and wish her a happy birthday. I will also be going to my brother’s to take care of credit card points so that we can buy tickets for [trip], let’s work hard today and get a lot done. [Screenshot end]
Mom [4:09pm] My birthday is passed last year and this year. She didn’t text or say anything these two years. You may think that’s ok but not for me. I just expect to acknowledge these days and congrat each other. Is that too much? I don’t expect anything from her. But you mentioned so proudly on Sunday that Annie send me TWO gifts. I just want you to know I’m very disappointed that you are ok with that gifts. That’s why I mentioned the price as well. My birthday and Mother’s Day are always near by. Sometimes same day or sometimes few day apart. Is that too much that I asked you more thoughtful gift from you? If you think that’s too much , forget about this conversation. I think I’ve never treated you like this.
Me [2:03am] You’ve treated me way worse in my life. You didn’t wait for a text. You wanted to text me to make me feel bad. You had a bad morning. Maybe a bad night. You didn’t feel like I cared or people cared. Or maybe something else happened. And you wanted me to feel bad.
But your happiness is not my responsibility.
Your birthday is not a free pass to send guilt tripping texts to me and expect nice texts back. Annie sent you poison? She sent you a 4.5 star tonesunscreen with thousands of nice reviews. She was just trying to send something nice. It’s not expensive. But you say it’s not about money? Then why are you crying about it?
No one said “happy birthday” yet? The day wasn’t over. Why text me only? Barry[My brother] didn’t call until 5pm.
No one else gave you a good gift? Or are you comparing it with gifts that you’ve given to Annie? Then you give revenge-gifts. If that’s it then don’t ever give Annie and I anything ever again. You just wanted a dinner? I’m on the other side of the country.
Should I text you on my birthday asking why my mailbox is empty? Should I ask abpa[dad] the last 20 years where’s my present? Should I try and make you or abpa feel bad on my birthday if I’m unhappy? No, of course not. None of those is how a mature person behaves. Because my happiness is not your responsibility.
“Just want a text to acknowledge and congratulate”. You didn’t wait for any text. You chose to start upset.
Why didn’t you text Barry? if it’s just the text of happy birthday? You scared of his response?
I know why you’re not scared of me. 5 years of therapy to learn the way you used me as an emotional punching bag.
Your birthday morning wasn’t the way you wanted. Your gift wasn’t the way you wanted. You didn’t feel like anyone cared. Whoever you talked to. Whatever happened. You were unhappy. So you sent those texts to me.
You try to make me feel bad when you’re unhappy with your life. Why? When you used to have a hard day at work. Bad [customer]. Bad traffic. Bad interaction with coworkers/boss. Bad talk with abpa[dad], grandma, Frank hyung(older cousin who lived with us). Who do you think received your anger for no fucking reason? If I did all my homework, played [instrument 1], practiced [instrument 2], got good grades, did all my kumon(after school homework) did you know it doesn’t matter what I did, if YOU had a bad day?
If I’m watching tv, or playing a game, if you have a bad day, then my day has to be a bad day. Because people around you can’t be happy when you’re miserable. Not people that you can control. And controlling me was all you had. Even as I got older. Not allowed to leave the house.
You couldn’t control the language or culture out of the house, you couldn’t control grandma, frank hyung, or abpa in the house. your whole life, you couldn’t control too much.
So you controlled what? me. a kid. And as soon as hitting me didn’t make me cry you just tried to control my emotions to make me cry.
2010 May [day retracted]. Fight with abpa in the morning, he leaves the house. So you go down to the basement to yell at your son for not getting you a cake.
Junior in college crying, guilty in the basement buying you cake. That’s what you wanted. Someone you controlled. Someone to be miserable because you were miserable.
5 years of therapy in my late 20s to learn you’re the reason I don’t notice when women step all over me. I grew up used to it. Bad women relationships, weak sense of self, emotional abuse, angry all the time. Parents like you made Asian Americans the least likely to become managers in the USA (context: I became one in my later 20s). No confidence. No inner strength. Just quiet private anger. A young man clenching his fists, holding his tongue, and listening to orders.
Constantly blame others, blame myself. Always angry. Always yelling at [dog1]/[dog2], always trying to control them when I’m upset. Critical of everything, everyone, myself, never feeling like I’m enough or okay. Because growing up I was constantly on the receiving end of anger that I didn’t create. Don’t talk back. Don’t look at the eyes. Look at the wall. Never right. Always wrong. But every year I’m fixing that a little bit. Why? Because now I’m responsible for my own happiness.
I refuse to stay a bad dad to [dog2].
No more blaming, just thinking and working. being confident. fighting back. defending mself. speaking out. Looking at people in the eye.
Yesterday you didn’t feel good. So I was the one who did something terrible for your birthday? Hmm. I was going to call just like Barry did. You’re sad about the gift? You feel like no one cares. Why is it that I’m the only one that got those texts. You think your message was going to create apologies and happy birthdays from me? No. I don’t think so. You just wanted me to feel bad. Because you felt bad. You like controlling me. And affecting my emotions.
It’s why I left home many years ago. And you still have old habits. You wanted me to feel bad. You did the same thing talking about the [old project] community a few years ago. When you don’t feel happy. You try to make me feel bad.
But I’m old enough to know now that I didn’t do anything to deserve that yesterday. And you’re not allowed to step on me like that anymore. I’m not some weak 21 year old that’s crying in the basement buying you cake. I told Annie not to call. Your negative behavior is not allowed in my life.
Every day I work to undo things from my past. You’ve stepped on me your whole life. Made me a very scared, very angry young man. People like that never make it in the world successfully. They have all kinds of problems. But I want this to be very clear. I am going to be successful. I am going to be a [retracted]. I am going to make a positive difference in this world for those who are positive to others. And It will be despite all that you’ve done to me. It will happen because I will surround myself with peace, and positivity. Not negativity and manipulation. Through peace and for others, I will work harder than you or abpa or anyone you have ever known has ever done in their entire lives.
But If I don’t make it, that’s on me. If I’m unhappy today, that’s on me. If I lack something today, that’s me. I have to choose to be better. I have to work harder. Cause I’m responsible for my happiness.
You can choose whether or not you want to be negative or positive person moving forward in my life. That’s your choice. You want to step on me? Try to bring me down when you feel down? That’s your choice. But it’s my choice whether or not to let you be in my life.
you being unhappy yesterday morning. That’s you. That’s your choice. Acting the way you did. trying to make your son feel bad. That’s all you. You’re responsible for your own happiness. I didn’t do anything yesterday to deserve your texts trying to pull me down.
This is my last text about this. This conversation is over. Say one more thing about this that doesn’t resemble an apology and I’m not going on the [family trip]. Keep telling me youre an “innocent victim” “all I wanted was a happy birthday text” and you won’t hear from me for years. Be responsible for your actions. I have no room for your negative emotional manipulation in my life.
Mom [7:14am] Annie…. Very first gift from her was well known brand toner. That gave me bad skin reaction so I had to throw it out. I don’t want to talk to her about it because I appreciated what she wanted to try. But next time when I saw her in las Vegas I told her that her sun screen lotion ( what she used at that time) gave me a bad reaction so I can not use it. Last year when Maggie gave her 화장품 (toiletry) as a birthday gift she said that thanks but she can not use it because she has allergic reactions. Which is understandable but she’s still doing same thing to me. I don’t know who mentioned about good reviews or you found out your self. That doesn’t mean it’s good for me. She and I didn’t talk that much anything so far only few subject. I feel like she doesn’t care. I don’t know why you guys decided to send gift more than a month before. And how you said she send me two gifts made me so upset.
Barry… Barry and I talked about our birthday on the phone last week how it was good at last year’s dinner. He planned but eventually Appa paid( I mentioned who paid because you don’t get wrong info. ) and the way he always said skipping one year is not end of the world. We laughed about it. And he said next time we gonna have a good time. He called at 5 pm on my birthday I know as soon as he woke up he called me.
You mentioned why Barry is ok. Did I scare him? Come on… he is not saying nice words all the time but he is very thoughtful person. I think you agree with this.
You… I really sorry that you have all bad memories about me and your youth. I can not go back and I can not fix it now. I’m thinking back that days if I can live again maybe react little differently like I treated Maggie. As a first child you had a lot bad experiences. I agreed. But don’t say your life was miserable because of ME all the time. If you think this way there’s no reason to see me. I’m really happy to see, hear and feel that you’re working hard, being healthy and having enjoyable life. I want you to be a healther, happier and more successful person than right now. That’s no matter why we talked about right now. But I really want to make a point that don’t say I had bad morning or bad night before that’s why text you like that. Maybe you’re right. I had bad night before. After talked on the phone with you (as I told you before ). I felt disappointed so much. You keep saying you felt bad because of my text, why I didn’t wait? Calling to me is part of your daily plan. You keep saying I made you feel bad because I had anger problems or bad days. You’ve never thought about “what did I do wrong or did I miss anything?” You said you away from me how can I buy dinner? Same as easy to buy on line ( by Amazon) any merchandise. There’s tons of way to offer , you can make a reservation any restaurant or even you can send money 100- 200 dollars. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think it’s going to hurt you financially. Last year I waited until last minute that Annie would text me any word. No. That didn’t happen. If I waited until you call this year what’s the difference? I want more than hearing your voice is too much. Sorry that I think that way. And not being adult I ordered Rolex watch for next years your birthday gift and I was so excited about it. Maybe that’s why I’m expecting more than what you’re in mind about me. You are right. That’s all my problems.
[7:45am] If you don’t want to come [familytrip] , don’t spend time with family I can not force you to come. But don’t say if I don’t apologize you don’t come. Is new way to threaten? Come on [my name]. This is really too much.
Me [10:02am] There’s a difference between threats and boundaries. No one is allowed to be in my life to spend their energy trying to bring me down. Who would do something like that? My own mother. No we aren’t going on the [trip]. (context: all the tickets and arrangements have been purchased, this isn't some cop out, it's non-refundable, nothing to do with money on anyone's side)
You want to continue the conversation after I said I was done? Actions and consequences: Annie and I are very unthoughtful and uncaring to give you a skin care gift again. I’ll tell her exactly what happened. I’ll have her read every message. And understand what we did wrong. I’ll make sure we feel terrible today. I’ll make sure she remembers it forever. I will make sure my wife cries for your sadness and for our mistakes. We’re a bad son/wife who don’t care about my mother’s birthday and mother’s day. Your message has been fully received. We will feel sorry, we will cry and we will feel bad for you. I will struggle to work for my job. I will struggle to do my projects, and teach my students, I will think all day and all night about how sad this is. About this conversation, about our gift, about your gifts, about the phone call, the texts, mother’s day, your birthday, my birthdays. last year your birthday when we were in [another country]. I will struggle to eat and sleep properly. I know Annie and how sensitive she is. She will struggle and cry too. Your son and his wife will feel terrible about your birthday. Your message will be successful. You’ve brought the world down around you. Congratulations. Just like old times. Everyone is sad now. "You’re right.”
I will say one last thing as your son: be careful about hurting the people around you when you have a bad day. If you keep tearing the world around you down, there isn’t going to be a world left.
You and I are not going in the same direction.
I’m trying to learn how to be positive, hardworking, successful, strong, encouraging and helping others. Trying to be a little more positive everyday. Maybe I will never get there. But I will try. You want to spend your time fixating on me saying “two gifts”. You want to spend your time staring at the boxes, and sending pictures. You want to spend your time comparing, looking at costs, pitying yourself and telling people around you how terrible they are on your birthday. I guess that drama is something you want. Not me. You and I are on different paths.
After Annie and I cry for what we did. My boundary is this, I will never let you do this to me again. That will be the last scar. We will remember every year on your birthday, and remind ourselves how terrible and uncaring we were. I will remember that you wanted me to know and feel that. Every year I will remember but that will be the last scar you ever leave on me. You should return the Rolex. I will never use it, I will never wear it, I will throw it out instantly. To me it’s a poisonous gift. Don’t ever give me or Annie any gifts for the rest of my life.
We will smile and not forget that those past gifts were given out of your care and thoughtfulness. We will remember you did your best and wanted to do nice things in your way. but we will be sad with you. And be unable to use your gifts because your gifts comes with weight, revenge and paybacks. And we cannot accept them. You did everything right. You’re a good mom. We are just bad people. We never earned them or paid you back in our thoughtfulness for them. All gifts you have given me and her, we will stop using today.
I will not be receiving your messages anymore. Goodbye
[Blocked from phone/all social media.]
AITAH. Reminder do not talk bad about anyone else. I'll delete those comments. This is just about whether or not I did the right thing.
submitted by CleanElk3560 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Save your judgment for me. Context: I'm 35M. first born. I left home after a huge fight with my mom after college. I was homeless for a bit. We've since reconciled. But I suppose not anymore. There's history there.
I'm only posting to see if what I did was wrong.
All names have been replaced and are not real. Other details like dates and places that are personally identifiable will be removed/changed. There are two languages: I will always show the original and translate as fairly as I can.
It is relevant for fairness to share that my mom is 3 hours ahead of me. I'm west coast, she's east coast. (10am for me it's 1pm for her) My time will be shown in the messages.
I will keep all messages exact and unedited, outside of the above.
I repeat: DO NOT INSULT MY MOM OR WIFE OR FAMILY. am I the asshole. nothing about them. just me.
On Mom's Birthday:
Mom [10:43am] it's mom's birthday but nothing is here (original: 엄마 생일인데 아무것도 없어.) [10:52am] [Picture of kitchen island with boxed tonesunscreen on it] [10:53am] (Mom is/I am) really sad. This is what Annie sent me for a gift. $10-20 toiletries. Something I don't even use. (original: 엄마 많이 섭섭해. 이게 [name]가 보낸 선물이야. $10-20 짜리 화장품. 엄마 이거 쓰지도 않는데.)
Me [11:51am] She got the same thing she got for you and her mom. Throw it out and I'll make sure to buy something nicer for you.
Mom [12:03pm] If she or her mom got the thing then I should get the same thing. I'm not Annie or Annie's mom. I'm your mom. You shouldn't treat me like this. [12:07pm] Not even one happy birthday said. (original: 생일 축하한단 말 한마디 없이.)
Me [12:56pm] call (no answer) [1:11pm] call (no answer)
Next day:
Mom [5:10am] I didn't answer the phone yesterday because I felt like I'm crying. I don’t want to talk like that with you. When you got married Annie I tried to treat her as an our family member. I know I can not treat her same as Maggie (my sister). But last year she didn’t say any word on my birthday. Even you and I talked on the phone. I didn’t want so much from her just as a family say good word on birthday wishes. This year same thing. And you, when you asked me what can I do for you ( maybe you forgot that even you asked) I literally said “다른거 필요 없고 무슨날 엄마 밥이나 사줘” (translation: I don't need anything just buy me some dinner some time) I’m not asking you expensive things. Don’t say throw them out but nicer things. You really missed the point.
Me [11:28am] You were upset because I didn’t do something for your birthday by 1040am on a Workday. It’s not about expensive things but you want to text a picture of the gift and say it’s $10-20. You got a gift, but no card. It’s cheap but it’s not about money. Annie’s a family member, how could she not text. Right after she texted happy mother’s day to you. Yesterday before dinner, Annie tells me “make sure you call your mom it’s her birthday”. I didn’t tell her what happened because I don’t gossip and talk bad about people behind their back. I call or text and wish a happy birthday to family. Like I’ve done every year. It’s the same as what everyone does for me. Sometimes I don’t get a call. Sometimes I don’t get a text. Sometimes the call/text comes a day later. Never did I text my family members in the morning asking why people didn’t do more for me. I’ll make sure to let Annie know about wishing happy birthday to you. In my screenshot is my daily goals from yesterday, I was excited about this week. One of those things was, of course, calling you for your birthday, just like I called for mother’s day. Two hours later while I’m in a work meeting with my boss, 1040am, I get a text from you telling me about how sad you are from my wife’s cheap gift and how I haven’t said happy birthday yet. Yesterday I woke up and went to work, and planned to call you after. You have a habit of disproportionately trying to make me feel bad. You’ve done it on your birthday before many years ago after you and abpa[dad in korean] had a fight. I was a college student and you took it out on me cause I was the easy target. You’re an adult. Your child can call later in the day to wish you a happy birthday. It’s not okay to text trying to make your son feel bad about not doing something sooner. [11:29am] [Screenshot of whatsapp conversation between me and my virtual assistant] [Screenshot start] [8:13am yesterday] Goals for Today, I want to be disciplined. It’s been a few weeks now since my conference and because of the conference and drinking there, I became slow and lost the energy to stay on top of my diet/exercise and morning routines that I was so happy and proud of. Let’s get back to that this week. Let’s work hard, let’s continue to set sights on big goals. I want to work on the 3 projects I have going right now. [personal project 1 company idea], [personal project 2 company idea], and [current company].
Today I will exercise 25 situps, 25 pushups, 25 curls, 25 shoulder press, and 25 squats. Today I will finish a few [work things] for [company]. Today I will teach class for [project 2] finish [lesson], and let folks know that there will not be class on wednesday. I will call my mom later today and wish her a happy birthday. I will also be going to my brother’s to take care of credit card points so that we can buy tickets for [trip], let’s work hard today and get a lot done. [Screenshot end]
Mom [4:09pm] My birthday is passed last year and this year. She didn’t text or say anything these two years. You may think that’s ok but not for me. I just expect to acknowledge these days and congrat each other. Is that too much? I don’t expect anything from her. But you mentioned so proudly on Sunday that Annie send me TWO gifts. I just want you to know I’m very disappointed that you are ok with that gifts. That’s why I mentioned the price as well. My birthday and Mother’s Day are always near by. Sometimes same day or sometimes few day apart. Is that too much that I asked you more thoughtful gift from you? If you think that’s too much , forget about this conversation. I think I’ve never treated you like this.
Me [2:03am] You’ve treated me way worse in my life. You didn’t wait for a text. You wanted to text me to make me feel bad. You had a bad morning. Maybe a bad night. You didn’t feel like I cared or people cared. Or maybe something else happened. And you wanted me to feel bad.
But your happiness is not my responsibility.
Your birthday is not a free pass to send guilt tripping texts to me and expect nice texts back. Annie sent you poison? She sent you a 4.5 star tonesunscreen with thousands of nice reviews. She was just trying to send something nice. It’s not expensive. But you say it’s not about money? Then why are you crying about it?
No one said “happy birthday” yet? The day wasn’t over. Why text me only? Barry[My brother] didn’t call until 5pm.
No one else gave you a good gift? Or are you comparing it with gifts that you’ve given to Annie? Then you give revenge-gifts. If that’s it then don’t ever give Annie and I anything ever again. You just wanted a dinner? I’m on the other side of the country.
Should I text you on my birthday asking why my mailbox is empty? Should I ask abpa[dad] the last 20 years where’s my present? Should I try and make you or abpa feel bad on my birthday if I’m unhappy? No, of course not. None of those is how a mature person behaves. Because my happiness is not your responsibility.
“Just want a text to acknowledge and congratulate”. You didn’t wait for any text. You chose to start upset.
Why didn’t you text Barry? if it’s just the text of happy birthday? You scared of his response?
I know why you’re not scared of me. 5 years of therapy to learn the way you used me as an emotional punching bag.
Your birthday morning wasn’t the way you wanted. Your gift wasn’t the way you wanted. You didn’t feel like anyone cared. Whoever you talked to. Whatever happened. You were unhappy. So you sent those texts to me.
You try to make me feel bad when you’re unhappy with your life. Why? When you used to have a hard day at work. Bad [customer]. Bad traffic. Bad interaction with coworkers/boss. Bad talk with abpa[dad], grandma, Frank hyung(older cousin who lived with us). Who do you think received your anger for no fucking reason? If I did all my homework, played [instrument 1], practiced [instrument 2], got good grades, did all my kumon(after school homework) did you know it doesn’t matter what I did, if YOU had a bad day?
If I’m watching tv, or playing a game, if you have a bad day, then my day has to be a bad day. Because people around you can’t be happy when you’re miserable. Not people that you can control. And controlling me was all you had. Even as I got older. Not allowed to leave the house.
You couldn’t control the language or culture out of the house, you couldn’t control grandma, frank hyung, or abpa in the house. your whole life, you couldn’t control too much.
So you controlled what? me. a kid. And as soon as hitting me didn’t make me cry you just tried to control my emotions to make me cry.
2010 May [day retracted]. Fight with abpa in the morning, he leaves the house. So you go down to the basement to yell at your son for not getting you a cake.
Junior in college crying, guilty in the basement buying you cake. That’s what you wanted. Someone you controlled. Someone to be miserable because you were miserable.
5 years of therapy in my late 20s to learn you’re the reason I don’t notice when women step all over me. I grew up used to it. Bad women relationships, weak sense of self, emotional abuse, angry all the time. Parents like you made Asian Americans the least likely to become managers in the USA (context: I became one in my later 20s). No confidence. No inner strength. Just quiet private anger. A young man clenching his fists, holding his tongue, and listening to orders.
Constantly blame others, blame myself. Always angry. Always yelling at [dog1]/[dog2], always trying to control them when I’m upset. Critical of everything, everyone, myself, never feeling like I’m enough or okay. Because growing up I was constantly on the receiving end of anger that I didn’t create. Don’t talk back. Don’t look at the eyes. Look at the wall. Never right. Always wrong. But every year I’m fixing that a little bit. Why? Because now I’m responsible for my own happiness.
I refuse to stay a bad dad to [dog2].
No more blaming, just thinking and working. being confident. fighting back. defending mself. speaking out. Looking at people in the eye.
Yesterday you didn’t feel good. So I was the one who did something terrible for your birthday? Hmm. I was going to call just like Barry did. You’re sad about the gift? You feel like no one cares. Why is it that I’m the only one that got those texts. You think your message was going to create apologies and happy birthdays from me? No. I don’t think so. You just wanted me to feel bad. Because you felt bad. You like controlling me. And affecting my emotions.
It’s why I left home many years ago. And you still have old habits. You wanted me to feel bad. You did the same thing talking about the [old project] community a few years ago. When you don’t feel happy. You try to make me feel bad.
But I’m old enough to know now that I didn’t do anything to deserve that yesterday. And you’re not allowed to step on me like that anymore. I’m not some weak 21 year old that’s crying in the basement buying you cake. I told Annie not to call. Your negative behavior is not allowed in my life.
Every day I work to undo things from my past. You’ve stepped on me your whole life. Made me a very scared, very angry young man. People like that never make it in the world successfully. They have all kinds of problems. But I want this to be very clear. I am going to be successful. I am going to be a [retracted]. I am going to make a positive difference in this world for those who are positive to others. And It will be despite all that you’ve done to me. It will happen because I will surround myself with peace, and positivity. Not negativity and manipulation. Through peace and for others, I will work harder than you or abpa or anyone you have ever known has ever done in their entire lives.
But If I don’t make it, that’s on me. If I’m unhappy today, that’s on me. If I lack something today, that’s me. I have to choose to be better. I have to work harder. Cause I’m responsible for my happiness.
You can choose whether or not you want to be negative or positive person moving forward in my life. That’s your choice. You want to step on me? Try to bring me down when you feel down? That’s your choice. But it’s my choice whether or not to let you be in my life.
you being unhappy yesterday morning. That’s you. That’s your choice. Acting the way you did. trying to make your son feel bad. That’s all you. You’re responsible for your own happiness. I didn’t do anything yesterday to deserve your texts trying to pull me down.
This is my last text about this. This conversation is over. Say one more thing about this that doesn’t resemble an apology and I’m not going on the [family trip]. Keep telling me youre an “innocent victim” “all I wanted was a happy birthday text” and you won’t hear from me for years. Be responsible for your actions. I have no room for your negative emotional manipulation in my life.
Mom [7:14am] Annie…. Very first gift from her was well known brand toner. That gave me bad skin reaction so I had to throw it out. I don’t want to talk to her about it because I appreciated what she wanted to try. But next time when I saw her in las Vegas I told her that her sun screen lotion ( what she used at that time) gave me a bad reaction so I can not use it. Last year when Maggie gave her 화장품 (toiletry) as a birthday gift she said that thanks but she can not use it because she has allergic reactions. Which is understandable but she’s still doing same thing to me. I don’t know who mentioned about good reviews or you found out your self. That doesn’t mean it’s good for me. She and I didn’t talk that much anything so far only few subject. I feel like she doesn’t care. I don’t know why you guys decided to send gift more than a month before. And how you said she send me two gifts made me so upset.
Barry… Barry and I talked about our birthday on the phone last week how it was good at last year’s dinner. He planned but eventually Appa paid( I mentioned who paid because you don’t get wrong info. ) and the way he always said skipping one year is not end of the world. We laughed about it. And he said next time we gonna have a good time. He called at 5 pm on my birthday I know as soon as he woke up he called me.
You mentioned why Barry is ok. Did I scare him? Come on… he is not saying nice words all the time but he is very thoughtful person. I think you agree with this.
You… I really sorry that you have all bad memories about me and your youth. I can not go back and I can not fix it now. I’m thinking back that days if I can live again maybe react little differently like I treated Maggie. As a first child you had a lot bad experiences. I agreed. But don’t say your life was miserable because of ME all the time. If you think this way there’s no reason to see me. I’m really happy to see, hear and feel that you’re working hard, being healthy and having enjoyable life. I want you to be a healther, happier and more successful person than right now. That’s no matter why we talked about right now. But I really want to make a point that don’t say I had bad morning or bad night before that’s why text you like that. Maybe you’re right. I had bad night before. After talked on the phone with you (as I told you before ). I felt disappointed so much. You keep saying you felt bad because of my text, why I didn’t wait? Calling to me is part of your daily plan. You keep saying I made you feel bad because I had anger problems or bad days. You’ve never thought about “what did I do wrong or did I miss anything?” You said you away from me how can I buy dinner? Same as easy to buy on line ( by Amazon) any merchandise. There’s tons of way to offer , you can make a reservation any restaurant or even you can send money 100- 200 dollars. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think it’s going to hurt you financially. Last year I waited until last minute that Annie would text me any word. No. That didn’t happen. If I waited until you call this year what’s the difference? I want more than hearing your voice is too much. Sorry that I think that way. And not being adult I ordered Rolex watch for next years your birthday gift and I was so excited about it. Maybe that’s why I’m expecting more than what you’re in mind about me. You are right. That’s all my problems.
[7:45am] If you don’t want to come [familytrip] , don’t spend time with family I can not force you to come. But don’t say if I don’t apologize you don’t come. Is new way to threaten? Come on [my name]. This is really too much.
Me [10:02am] There’s a difference between threats and boundaries. No one is allowed to be in my life to spend their energy trying to bring me down. Who would do something like that? My own mother. No we aren’t going on the [trip]. (context: all the tickets and arrangements have been purchased, this isn't some cop out, it's non-refundable, nothing to do with money on anyone's side)
You want to continue the conversation after I said I was done? Actions and consequences: Annie and I are very unthoughtful and uncaring to give you a skin care gift again. I’ll tell her exactly what happened. I’ll have her read every message. And understand what we did wrong. I’ll make sure we feel terrible today. I’ll make sure she remembers it forever. I will make sure my wife cries for your sadness and for our mistakes. We’re a bad son/wife who don’t care about my mother’s birthday and mother’s day. Your message has been fully received. We will feel sorry, we will cry and we will feel bad for you. I will struggle to work for my job. I will struggle to do my projects, and teach my students, I will think all day and all night about how sad this is. About this conversation, about our gift, about your gifts, about the phone call, the texts, mother’s day, your birthday, my birthdays. last year your birthday when we were in [another country]. I will struggle to eat and sleep properly. I know Annie and how sensitive she is. She will struggle and cry too. Your son and his wife will feel terrible about your birthday. Your message will be successful. You’ve brought the world down around you. Congratulations. Just like old times. Everyone is sad now. "You’re right.”
I will say one last thing as your son: be careful about hurting the people around you when you have a bad day. If you keep tearing the world around you down, there isn’t going to be a world left.
You and I are not going in the same direction.
I’m trying to learn how to be positive, hardworking, successful, strong, encouraging and helping others. Trying to be a little more positive everyday. Maybe I will never get there. But I will try. You want to spend your time fixating on me saying “two gifts”. You want to spend your time staring at the boxes, and sending pictures. You want to spend your time comparing, looking at costs, pitying yourself and telling people around you how terrible they are on your birthday. I guess that drama is something you want. Not me. You and I are on different paths.
After Annie and I cry for what we did. My boundary is this, I will never let you do this to me again. That will be the last scar. We will remember every year on your birthday, and remind ourselves how terrible and uncaring we were. I will remember that you wanted me to know and feel that. Every year I will remember but that will be the last scar you ever leave on me. You should return the Rolex. I will never use it, I will never wear it, I will throw it out instantly. To me it’s a poisonous gift. Don’t ever give me or Annie any gifts for the rest of my life.
We will smile and not forget that those past gifts were given out of your care and thoughtfulness. We will remember you did your best and wanted to do nice things in your way. but we will be sad with you. And be unable to use your gifts because your gifts comes with weight, revenge and paybacks. And we cannot accept them. You did everything right. You’re a good mom. We are just bad people. We never earned them or paid you back in our thoughtfulness for them. All gifts you have given me and her, we will stop using today.
I will not be receiving your messages anymore. Goodbye
[Blocked from phone/all social media.]
AITAH. Reminder do not talk bad about anyone else. I'll delete those comments. This is just about whether or not I did the right thing.
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2024.05.15 22:53 shaneka69 CANCER ZODIAC - UNEXPECTED INCOME! TAROT READING MAY 2024
CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024
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2024.05.15 22:44 shaneka69 LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024
LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024
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2024.05.15 22:17 Brilliant_Pickle_994 WIBTAH if I didn’t come to my boyfriends family function that I have been invited to?
I (f19) have been with my bf (m19) for about a year and a half. We go to the same HS, except I stay in our schools dorms and he lives near the city where the school is located. This means that I’ve spent quite a lot of time over at his house with his family and their family friends.
Well lately, they started inviting me to their family meetings. Whetener it was a small barbecue or his dads’ 40th birthday most of them I can’t attend cause of me staying in the school dorms. The dorms are closed during the weekend, so on fridays I go home and come back on sundays.
I use the weekends to study, wash my laundry, help around the house and spend time with my family. Lately tho the most important for me was studying, as in two weeks I’ll have my oral graduation exams and the weekend of the same week I’ll also be writing admission exams for my university.
So that means I basically spend all my free time studying. This is why last week I declined my bfs’ dads’ invitation to his b-day party. My bf told me that they were allright with me not coming and that they understand that I need to study rn.
Well this weekend they invited me to my boyfriends cousins’ first communion. I am not religious, nor do I know his uncle or cousins very well. But I feel very bad about declining another family function they invited me to. My bf told me that it’s allright and to not worry about it, but I still feel bad.
A few days ago when I was over at his house his grandma mentioned the communion and asked if I was coming. I told her that I am not sure yet as I have a lot of studying I need to do and I haven’t asked my parents yet if they are okay with me not coming home on friday. She replied with “Well then you better try to study harder during the week so you can come on saturday.”
I know she didn’t mean it in a bad way, but it made me feel like not coming would make his family think I am distancing myself from them.
Another reason why I feel like TAH is cause I spend a lot of time at his house. I sleep over every weekend sunday till monday and sometimes during the week. During most school breaks I come to his house, because I’ll have to come to the city anyway for school after the break. So I feel like by not coming it might feel like I am saying “I will use you for free housing but don’t expect me to do something for you.” to them. Even tho they have all told me multiple times that they don’t mind me coming over.
I truly don’t mind spending time with his family, and under different circumstances I wouldn’t even think twice before accepting the invites, but rn I spend most of my free time studying but it’s still not enough. I don’t want to sound rude but I don’t want to “loose” my only free day of the week which I can spend most of studying. If I had more time to study I would come no problem, but rn, even if my own family invited me I would decline.
submitted by Brilliant_Pickle_994 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
Well lately, they started inviting me to their family meetings. Whetener it was a small barbecue or his dads’ 40th birthday most of them I can’t attend cause of me staying in the school dorms. The dorms are closed during the weekend, so on fridays I go home and come back on sundays.
I use the weekends to study, wash my laundry, help around the house and spend time with my family. Lately tho the most important for me was studying, as in two weeks I’ll have my oral graduation exams and the weekend of the same week I’ll also be writing admission exams for my university.
So that means I basically spend all my free time studying. This is why last week I declined my bfs’ dads’ invitation to his b-day party. My bf told me that they were allright with me not coming and that they understand that I need to study rn.
Well this weekend they invited me to my boyfriends cousins’ first communion. I am not religious, nor do I know his uncle or cousins very well. But I feel very bad about declining another family function they invited me to. My bf told me that it’s allright and to not worry about it, but I still feel bad.
A few days ago when I was over at his house his grandma mentioned the communion and asked if I was coming. I told her that I am not sure yet as I have a lot of studying I need to do and I haven’t asked my parents yet if they are okay with me not coming home on friday. She replied with “Well then you better try to study harder during the week so you can come on saturday.”
I know she didn’t mean it in a bad way, but it made me feel like not coming would make his family think I am distancing myself from them.
Another reason why I feel like TAH is cause I spend a lot of time at his house. I sleep over every weekend sunday till monday and sometimes during the week. During most school breaks I come to his house, because I’ll have to come to the city anyway for school after the break. So I feel like by not coming it might feel like I am saying “I will use you for free housing but don’t expect me to do something for you.” to them. Even tho they have all told me multiple times that they don’t mind me coming over.
I truly don’t mind spending time with his family, and under different circumstances I wouldn’t even think twice before accepting the invites, but rn I spend most of my free time studying but it’s still not enough. I don’t want to sound rude but I don’t want to “loose” my only free day of the week which I can spend most of studying. If I had more time to study I would come no problem, but rn, even if my own family invited me I would decline.
2024.05.15 22:15 sockmunkie22 AITJ for cutting my SIL out of my life, even if it upsets the family norms?
Throwaway account. The cast: Myself (25) and my husband "Tom" (27), his brother "Fern" (30), his sister "Margaret" (40) and her husband "Cory" (37), their dad and their stepmom. This is going to be super long, so I apologize in advance, but there really is SO much to get through.
I married into the family about a year ago. They are all a pretty tight knit bunch, but have been exceedingly welcoming and accepting towards me. It took a while for me to warm up because Im always hesitant around new people, but I actually have a lot of fun with them and they have gone out of their way to make me feel like part of the family. I discovered early on that my husband's family has a unique way of handling conflict, and its in sharp contrast to the way my own family handles disagreements. My family confronts issues head on (sometimes ending in screaming matches if it gets heated enough) and all of us tend to speak up when something is bothering us or is fundamentally hurtful to someone. Tom's family is the opposite- they rarely address anything in real time, if at all. They typically whisper about it behind each other's backs, and usually just sit in tension for extended periods of time. It's been made clear to me that the only person in his family that is directly allowed to address an issue is their dad; everyone else follows suit. This means if he isn't saying anything, no one else does- period.
The issue in all of this? My husbands sister, Margaret. I'll give you a little bit of background- She has 4 kids with her husband Cory and they have a really odd dynamic between the two of them. Margaret is the more domineering of the two, often speaking for the both of them while Cory just sort of sits there and nods along. Margaret is really prone to emotional outbursts over things that simply do not make any sense. There are so many instances of the chaos that Margaret has caused within the family that it would take an eternity to describe them all. I do have some notable one's though: repeatedly guilting people if they don't immediately drop everything to watch her 4 kids, screaming at the top of her lungs/causing a HUGE scene when there was tomatoes on her salad during a birthday party, regular complaining that no one helps her with anything (her apartment, car, and kids have been almost exclusively funded by the rest of the family without any expectation of being paid back), and trash talking her entire family publicly on social media on a regular basis. Not once has anyone ever addressed these things with her, and its continued to escalate over time.
The biggest issue right now is the rift between Margaret and the Stepmom, and how that is affecting the entire family, myself included. Stepmom married into the family about 4 years ago and is one of the kindest people I have ever met- point blank period. Margaret publicly shames her at every family function and seems to specifically reach for the cruelest things you could say/do to someone. Margaret regularly asks Stepmom to babysit, but freaks out when stepmom says "no" to any of her children (Margaret insists that this is 'toxic and abusive parenting') Stepmom cant have children, and Margaret has told her that she's "thankful for this because it was God doing the world a favor". She's told stepmom that she was the reason her cousin k*lled herself. She refuses to acknowledge her as a matriarchal figure and regularly says things like "this is my DADS house, not yours", "Im not your daughter", "you'd never be fit to be a mom" and "IDK why my dad even married you". Margaret has gone as far as to compare stepmom to their Dad's exwife, who stabbed him and ended up in prison. Stepmom has reached out multiple times to try and rectify/make peace with the situation, but Margaret escalates everytime she does. All of this is so absurd for a woman of her age that I cant stand it. I have kept my mouth shut for years at this point out of respect for the "family norms" even through all of this, but last week I decided I'd had enough.
Fern called me in tears to tell me that Margaret had ruined a dinner they went to that night..........again. Margaret has regularly used Fern as an emotional punching bag, and him calling me in tears is a regular occurrence at this point. At dinner, Margaret had called him fat and told him she didn't want her kids around him anymore because "they would think being fat is okay". For context, Fern has struggled with an eating disorder for most of his life.
On the phone call, Fern basically spilled his guts. There's a family vacation to Italy every few years and apparently Stepmom isn't going anymore because of Margaret. Fern also let me know that there has been talk of cutting Margaret out of the family for years, but their Dad hasn't even started the conversation of "this isn't okay" yet, so none of them can say anything. Fern had tried to contact the husband (Cory) to see if there was something going on, but Cory refused to talk. I have always been friendly with Cory- he's a nice guy, and if you can get to him without Margaret in the room, he's actually really full of life and fun- so I called him myself. Cory told me that everyone is being "SO MEAN" to Margaret and she's trying to "break generational cycles" - it sounded like he had a script in front of him the whole time and was almost word for word the same nonsense that Margaret says all the time. Margaret is a victim, everyone else is crazy, no one understands her. etc. etc.
After listening to him for a while, I told him I cared about him but that I was done with Margaret's BS. I blocked their numbers, their social media, and eliminated any other ways they had to contact me. This is a BIG no-no in this family- you don't confront it, you don't say anything, you just sit there and take it. I contacted Fern and stepmom and told them about my decision, and let them know that I wasn't going to show up to anything if Margaret was also going to be there. I told Tom and we had a whole conversation about it. Everyone is telling me they support me in my decision- but they have all also said some variation of "I wish I could do that because I am in the same boat". The subsequent backlash from all of this is that although I am maintaining relationships with the rest of the family, Margaret is even worse at functions now. I don't have to see it, but I hear about it all the time and am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. I didn't want to make it worse for anyone, but I just couldn't watch it happen anymore without escalating things, myself. It really was getting to a point where I felt so stifled that I thought I might hit her out of frustration, which is why I chose to back out after all of this. The family still hasn't said anything to her, and my husband told me that "they all have a role to play", but that I also kind of disrespected his dad by saying/doing this.
Am I the jerk?
TLDR; My SIL plays the victim a lot but is actually the aggressor most of the time, and I chose to end all contact which is upsetting the rest of the family.
submitted by sockmunkie22 to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
I married into the family about a year ago. They are all a pretty tight knit bunch, but have been exceedingly welcoming and accepting towards me. It took a while for me to warm up because Im always hesitant around new people, but I actually have a lot of fun with them and they have gone out of their way to make me feel like part of the family. I discovered early on that my husband's family has a unique way of handling conflict, and its in sharp contrast to the way my own family handles disagreements. My family confronts issues head on (sometimes ending in screaming matches if it gets heated enough) and all of us tend to speak up when something is bothering us or is fundamentally hurtful to someone. Tom's family is the opposite- they rarely address anything in real time, if at all. They typically whisper about it behind each other's backs, and usually just sit in tension for extended periods of time. It's been made clear to me that the only person in his family that is directly allowed to address an issue is their dad; everyone else follows suit. This means if he isn't saying anything, no one else does- period.
The issue in all of this? My husbands sister, Margaret. I'll give you a little bit of background- She has 4 kids with her husband Cory and they have a really odd dynamic between the two of them. Margaret is the more domineering of the two, often speaking for the both of them while Cory just sort of sits there and nods along. Margaret is really prone to emotional outbursts over things that simply do not make any sense. There are so many instances of the chaos that Margaret has caused within the family that it would take an eternity to describe them all. I do have some notable one's though: repeatedly guilting people if they don't immediately drop everything to watch her 4 kids, screaming at the top of her lungs/causing a HUGE scene when there was tomatoes on her salad during a birthday party, regular complaining that no one helps her with anything (her apartment, car, and kids have been almost exclusively funded by the rest of the family without any expectation of being paid back), and trash talking her entire family publicly on social media on a regular basis. Not once has anyone ever addressed these things with her, and its continued to escalate over time.
The biggest issue right now is the rift between Margaret and the Stepmom, and how that is affecting the entire family, myself included. Stepmom married into the family about 4 years ago and is one of the kindest people I have ever met- point blank period. Margaret publicly shames her at every family function and seems to specifically reach for the cruelest things you could say/do to someone. Margaret regularly asks Stepmom to babysit, but freaks out when stepmom says "no" to any of her children (Margaret insists that this is 'toxic and abusive parenting') Stepmom cant have children, and Margaret has told her that she's "thankful for this because it was God doing the world a favor". She's told stepmom that she was the reason her cousin k*lled herself. She refuses to acknowledge her as a matriarchal figure and regularly says things like "this is my DADS house, not yours", "Im not your daughter", "you'd never be fit to be a mom" and "IDK why my dad even married you". Margaret has gone as far as to compare stepmom to their Dad's exwife, who stabbed him and ended up in prison. Stepmom has reached out multiple times to try and rectify/make peace with the situation, but Margaret escalates everytime she does. All of this is so absurd for a woman of her age that I cant stand it. I have kept my mouth shut for years at this point out of respect for the "family norms" even through all of this, but last week I decided I'd had enough.
Fern called me in tears to tell me that Margaret had ruined a dinner they went to that night..........again. Margaret has regularly used Fern as an emotional punching bag, and him calling me in tears is a regular occurrence at this point. At dinner, Margaret had called him fat and told him she didn't want her kids around him anymore because "they would think being fat is okay". For context, Fern has struggled with an eating disorder for most of his life.
On the phone call, Fern basically spilled his guts. There's a family vacation to Italy every few years and apparently Stepmom isn't going anymore because of Margaret. Fern also let me know that there has been talk of cutting Margaret out of the family for years, but their Dad hasn't even started the conversation of "this isn't okay" yet, so none of them can say anything. Fern had tried to contact the husband (Cory) to see if there was something going on, but Cory refused to talk. I have always been friendly with Cory- he's a nice guy, and if you can get to him without Margaret in the room, he's actually really full of life and fun- so I called him myself. Cory told me that everyone is being "SO MEAN" to Margaret and she's trying to "break generational cycles" - it sounded like he had a script in front of him the whole time and was almost word for word the same nonsense that Margaret says all the time. Margaret is a victim, everyone else is crazy, no one understands her. etc. etc.
After listening to him for a while, I told him I cared about him but that I was done with Margaret's BS. I blocked their numbers, their social media, and eliminated any other ways they had to contact me. This is a BIG no-no in this family- you don't confront it, you don't say anything, you just sit there and take it. I contacted Fern and stepmom and told them about my decision, and let them know that I wasn't going to show up to anything if Margaret was also going to be there. I told Tom and we had a whole conversation about it. Everyone is telling me they support me in my decision- but they have all also said some variation of "I wish I could do that because I am in the same boat". The subsequent backlash from all of this is that although I am maintaining relationships with the rest of the family, Margaret is even worse at functions now. I don't have to see it, but I hear about it all the time and am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. I didn't want to make it worse for anyone, but I just couldn't watch it happen anymore without escalating things, myself. It really was getting to a point where I felt so stifled that I thought I might hit her out of frustration, which is why I chose to back out after all of this. The family still hasn't said anything to her, and my husband told me that "they all have a role to play", but that I also kind of disrespected his dad by saying/doing this.
Am I the jerk?
TLDR; My SIL plays the victim a lot but is actually the aggressor most of the time, and I chose to end all contact which is upsetting the rest of the family.
2024.05.15 22:00 shaneka69 IF YOUR NAME IS DAVID, DO THIS ON MONDAYS
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2024.05.15 21:44 shaneka69 LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024
LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024
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