Words that start with ne

I develop, manage, and scale online businesses.
I offer remote services (as lead front-end and back-end developer) for the following tasks/projects

• WordPress, and WooCommerce. I write lean and bespoke themes or utilize existing themes depending on your requirements and budget.
• Shopify
• Code your existing shop design to a fully working website that actually reach customers, and sell products/services
• Redesign, update existing websites, full auditing
• PHP shopping carts (Opencart, Prestashop etc)
• Multi vendor, SaaS and development of custom platforms
• Physical products/shipping/tracking or Digital products
• Booking/Membership/Subscription
• Custom Analytics/Reports
• Custom payment method and checkout
• Custom features for front-end (customers) or back-end (less management, more productivity) experience
• APIs/Payment gateway integration (ex. Stripe, Paypal, BTC/Crypto Wallets)
• Chat/Bot/AI integration
• Automation/Data Scraping requirements for your online shop
• Data conversion/Product entry (automated)
• Social media/Community management
• Small, mid-scale hosting included (you just need to provide a domain address)
• can work with Google cloud, AWS and other cloud services
• can work with any market or industry

I provide assistance throughout the entire lifecycle of your website, from planning, building, running, and maintaining. I specialize in managing the technical aspects of your shop and remain dedicated and reachable until your business achieves its first sale.
starts at $15/hr. accepted payments in Paypal/Wise/Crypto/Stablecoin
available for 20-40 hours/week
portfolio, email contact basmatix .netlify .app
email contact is hello_thomasino(@tuta .io) (better notification in email) the reddit chat/message can be buggy at times. please send your information direct to my email instead. it is a more reassuring method to be connected. You can also reach me via chat applications afterwards.
dm me for more in-depth details and discussion. please include a brief description of your job offer. If you are looking for a easy to work with guy and can carry all technical tasks for web then you’ve found the right place.

I develop, manage, and scale online businesses.
I offer remote services (as lead front-end and back-end developer) for the following tasks/projects

• WordPress, and WooCommerce. I write lean and bespoke themes or utilize existing themes depending on your requirements and budget.
• Shopify
• Code your existing shop design to a fully working website that actually reach customers, and sell products/services
• Redesign, update existing websites, full auditing
• PHP shopping carts (Opencart, Prestashop etc)
• Multi vendor, SaaS and development of custom platforms
• Physical products/shipping/tracking or Digital products
• Booking/Membership/Subscription
• Custom Analytics/Reports
• Custom payment method and checkout
• Custom features for front-end (customers) or back-end (less management, more productivity) experience
• APIs/Payment gateway integration (ex. Stripe, Paypal, BTC/Crypto Wallets)
• Chat/Bot/AI integration
• Automation/Data Scraping requirements for your online shop
• Data conversion/Product entry (automated)
• Social media/Community management
• Small, mid-scale hosting included (you just need to provide a domain address)
• can work with Google cloud, AWS and other cloud services
• can work with any market or industry

I provide assistance throughout the entire lifecycle of your website, from planning, building, running, and maintaining. I specialize in managing the technical aspects of your shop and remain dedicated and reachable until your business achieves its first sale.
starts at $15/hr. accepted payments in Paypal/Wise/Crypto/Stablecoin
available for 20-40 hours/week
portfolio, email contact basmatix .netlify .app
email contact is hello_thomasino(@tuta .io) (better notification in email) the reddit chat/message can be buggy at times. please send your information direct to my email instead. it is a more reassuring method to be connected. You can also reach me via chat applications afterwards.
dm me for more in-depth details and discussion. please include a brief description of your job offer. If you are looking for a easy to work with guy and can carry all technical tasks for web then you’ve found the right place.

I develop, manage, and scale online businesses.
I offer remote services (as lead front-end and back-end developer) for the following tasks/projects

• WordPress, and WooCommerce. I write lean and bespoke themes or utilize existing themes depending on your requirements and budget.
• Shopify
• Code your existing shop design to a fully working website that actually reach customers, and sell products/services
• Redesign, update existing websites, full auditing
• PHP shopping carts (Opencart, Prestashop etc)
• Multi vendor, SaaS and development of custom platforms
• Physical products/shipping/tracking or Digital products
• Booking/Membership/Subscription
• Custom Analytics/Reports
• Custom payment method and checkout
• Custom features for front-end (customers) or back-end (less management, more productivity) experience
• APIs/Payment gateway integration (ex. Stripe, Paypal, BTC/Crypto Wallets)
• Chat/Bot/AI integration
• Automation/Data Scraping requirements for your online shop
• Data conversion/Product entry (automated)
• Social media/Community management
• Small, mid-scale hosting included (you just need to provide a domain address)
• can work with Google cloud, AWS and other cloud services
• can work with any market or industry

I provide assistance throughout the entire lifecycle of your website, from planning, building, running, and maintaining. I specialize in managing the technical aspects of your shop and remain dedicated and reachable until your business achieves its first sale.
starts at $15/hr. accepted payments in Paypal/Wise/Crypto/Stablecoin
available for 20-40 hours/week
portfolio, email contact basmatix .netlify .app
email contact is hello_thomasino(@tuta .io) (better notification in email) the reddit chat/message can be buggy at times. please send your information direct to my email instead. it is a more reassuring method to be connected. You can also reach me via chat applications afterwards.
dm me for more in-depth details and discussion. please include a brief description of your job offer. If you are looking for a easy to work with guy and can carry all technical tasks for web then you’ve found the right place.

Hello everyone! Does anyone other than me has struggled to let go of the “male pride”?
As a guy I was a good looking guy. I was even scouted a couple times to be a model (regardless of being short and not being photogenic).
About a year and a half ago I was working in a call center. There was a guy there who is the typical guy who wants to convince everyone that he is directly touched by God himself and her acts like that. I remember there was one particular time when he started walking in front of me with even more of that attitude… It triggered my primal instinct of “Dude, you want to know who truly is the one who can catch attention and without even acting like that!?” It was a visceral reaction. When I was triggered, after a moment I remembered and I was like “Wait! You’re not even in the same category anymore! Why are you even reacting instead of getting the message that you’re part of the group he is trying to impress?” lol
It happens less now, but it took me a while to let go of that “pride”. I know that’s not the right word but is close enough… I don’t know what the right word for that would be.
I still get a trigger by certain things, such as in a conversation saying “So, I want to be treated this way, not like that, I am not a man “
So saying something like “I’m not a man”. Or things like that. Does anyone else deal with that? Almost as if not being a man was degrading. It’s such a stupid trigger though

From this video
I'll list some main points from this video. Please try not to read too deep into meanings behind the words. Also note that not everything is translated. Just things I thought were interesting.

• 1:10 In terms of being consistent or not, (GnW is) in the middle or leaning on not being consistent
• In general, I don't think any character is inherently consistent or not, but if I had to say, then I think (GnW is) on the side of inconsistent

He then talks about why characters are called inconsistent

• 1:30 Characters like Cloud and Aegis are strong offensively, which is overlooked in talking about consistency. In return, they are weak defensively off the stage.
• They are inconsistent because if they get edge guarded, then they will have a hard time with that game.

Wraps it back around to Game and Watch

• 2:00 Game and Watch has an easy time recovering, so he will not lose a stock early from recovering.
• However, he is the 3rd lightest in the game next to Pichu and Jigglypuff. Realistically, he's about the same as Pichu because his air dodge is frame 3, so he cannot get out of combos like Pichu can on frame 2.
• What makes him different from characters such as Jigglypuff and Olimar is that Game and Watch has a hard time killing
• Everyone says you can get others to 150% easily, but if you get your opponent to 150%, then they will get rage. Shows 150% Ryu Shoryuken killing Game and Watch at 60%
• Game and Watch has an easier time getting out of combos against characters that try to maintain advantage, but a really hard time against characters that have true combos
• 3:30 Also, his hit animation is terrible. He spreads his hands and arms outwards in all directions.
• Him having slow fall speed can lead to him getting hit too. Being light should make getting out of combos easier but Game and Watch doesn't.
• There are many situations where I get the opponent to 150, cannot get a ledge trap read, get one combo'd to 50, and then die.

Game and Watch Neutral

• 4:15 Game and Watch is not good at going in, so his neutral gameplan tends to be more basic/clean
• GnW can't hold forward.
• Hard to make a comeback, especially characters that can time you out
• Game and Watch has a hard time killing, but is strong defensively
• I think consistency ultimately comes down to the person

Burst Options

• 5:00 Characters that can skip ledge are really difficult. They often get to 150%.
• Characters that have a hard time at ledge are easier, so if those are the only characters you face in bracket, then he is more consistent, but if you can't read their ledge option, then GnW gets blown up, so its hard to say he is consistent.
• GnW has to read the opponent's habits at ledge to reliably kill, so it's easier against opponents you know. This is why I am consistent in Japan.
• Overseas, maybe I wasn't playing well, but I don't really know the players.
• I think given more time, I can get up to a 50% win rate against Sparg0 and Sonix, even though they've beaten me a lot
• Ledge trapping is just reading habits at the end of the day.
• I used to lose a lot to Tsubaki and Jogibu, but after I studied them, I stopped losing. I lost to Toriguri like 7 times in a row on Tamisuma(Online tournament), and I've won twice at Maesuma now.

"Do top players not change their habits?"

• 6:55 They can change, but I tend to adapt during the set
• I hope I can win against Zackray with this same thought process

Also

• 7:10 Two characters I tried really hard to deal with but couldn't were Yoshi and Rosa
• I can win sometimes, but not consistently, so I started using Steve against them
• I'm starting to think Sonic is also not possible, so I've been studying Steve vs Sonic. I've been watching KEN, Onin, and Sonix's matches a lot.
• Oh yeah also Metaknight. That character will kill you off one hit at any percent, so it's very inconsistent.
• More than half the reason I'm consistent is because I have secondaries. Solo GnW won't get you consistent results.
• I used to not care about character weight that much. I even thought it was normal, but people started preparing for the matchup by killing GnW early, so good players would instantly take stocks over and over and it was really difficult
• Characters with bad mobility are easy, but characters with good mobility are hard to deal with. Neutral is hard, and they can catch your landing and Up B OOS. I lost Umebura SP9 to DIO upairing my up B.
• GnW is actually bad defensively. It's just his recovery.
• I still think this character is probably in the top 5. Also great as a secondary.
• I think at the end of the day, it comes down to the person

January 29, 2384 - the day of the last total eclipse is when the raid began. “The day of the sun's false shadow” as people call it now. We, humans, were an unsuspecting victims in a universe habited by multiple vastly stronger existences. When it happened the world had been thrown into utter chaos and shock. The sun had been completely covered by the moon and this event was supposed to last only a short while however after two hours sunlight had still not shown its face upon the earth's surface. This was the beginning of humanity's greatest tribulation. After days of the sun's light not being shown the planet's temperature began to drop and to compensate for this people began to create massive fires but this did not stop the problem. Photosynthesis in plants began to stop, making it harder for humans to breathe. This made humans build labs and create artificial oxygen, which took care of that problem but humans still began to die from hypothermia, frozen oceans, and forced stoppage of blood flow. After two weeks, the sun finally revealed itself and all hope had been restored in humanity collectively only for half the population to be massacred in an instant. “The watchers” had been slowly waiting with armies to colonize our planet and technology beyond our wild comprehension. Technology we can only dream of had been shown and used right before our very eyes and for the first time in all of human history, we had been united as one in our mutual fear and horror. 2 months later, 90% of humanity has been wiped out and the few who remained were used as slaves to cultivate energy. With the use of a Dyson shell, nearly 80% of the sun's energy and heat had been directed into maintaining their energy. Amongst all this time, humanity had collectively agreed to fight back. This began the creation of the liberation group, “the Plague”. These groups of people were the last hope of humanity and carried an extremely large ambition and dream on their shoulders. While “the watchers” were extremely advanced this doesn't change the fact that they were fallible and this group of people were their scourge. They didn't have the military might nor the advanced brain to even keep up against “the watchers” but through slavery and forced labor, the human body began to develop into something stronger. They began to surpass their limits and break the barriers that the human mind had once placed on themselves. Through the selective farming of “the watchers” a new plant had developed that was essentially a stimulant to the human body and a limit breaker for their physical capabilities. At first, they began by using strong levels of acid to corrode the buildings and structures and then stopping their heartbeat to give the impression of suicide so they could not be caught, however, they did not die due to a new system developed from the human's newfound evolution. Due to the strict regimen that we had to follow, we knew all of the places where they would and wouldn't be, all the blind spots of the planet, all the places where they were in close proximity to a chasm, and all the places where we were at a disadvantage. We used the blindspots as bases and hideouts where we could plan our vengeance. After a year of just observing their behavior, habits, bodily functions, and even their schedules we developed a hypothesis that 24 seconds after 7:39 PM we have approximately 19 minutes and 53 seconds in Greenland where we are not being watched nor located. We used this small window of time to gather the fundamental items we needed to fight back and build the foundation for our organization. We gathered food, plants, water, armor, and weapons. We realized that they were immune to cutting/slicing damage and could only be hurt through blunt attacks. With this knowledge, we developed a specific fighting style and used that small time frame to train others in it. We adapted to the harsh conditions and created clothes using spare pieces from “the watchers” specially made for insulating heat, weighing less, and being less penetrable by outside attacks. After a year every person on the planet was a master at this martial arts and had fully developed a counter to all technology that “the watchers” had. However, we could not initiate immediate war on them so we needed a plan. We came up with the idea to have one of our strongest members report to the watchers about our activity and give away one of our bases. This created the false notion that not only did they have someone working as a double agent on their side but also they knew where we would be so they could catch us off guard. We were all there like they expected and they attacked like planned. We had all moved our weapons, armor, and vital items into a different base but kept some things where they attacked to make them think we had not gotten far but this was a dud. Eventually, we had all “died” and had our bodies left at that place as a sign of victory on their side. However, because of this, their ego had grown and they began to underestimate us. The surveillance had gotten weaker as they assumed their “double agent” would tell them everything as a trade for luxury living. We knew that physical power would not be enough so our smartest man collaborated to develop a virus specifically made for their genetic makeup which took about 5 years to extract small strands of DNA without them realizing. Once the virus had been created the incidence began and eliminated more than 60 percent of “the watchers” because of how they were too distracted trying to develop a cure and the vast amount of them dying, we had gained more time to develop our forces and we began to ingest various harmful substances but in small doses in order to gain resistance to any harmful poisons and acids. After new children start to be born this began the origin of a new human species. One massively stronger, smarter, more durable, and with all the immunities and benefits without the downsides. With the birth of this new generation, all of the human race had experienced a collective euphoria. We had begun to secretly train these kids for years and strengthen them in a way the human race had never been before. Due to the circumstances of their birth, they had also developed a strong ability for adaptation and healing factor which ultimately led to humans finally being able to physically compete with “the watchers”. However, we were still lacking in numbers despite the virus taking a vast majority of “the watchers” away. Some of us grew confident and because we were now physically capable some believed we could win the war while others believed we couldn’t yet. This created division within our ranks but did not necessarily break our ranks but that was all depending on your interpretation. We gathered our smartest men and women to make a plan to initiate war, and for 14 days they were stuck in ruminative thought. 2 years passed and we had finally built up the numbers, technology, and physical capabilities to contend with the watchers. Now on the day of the war, all of our strongest soldiers imitated the attack. But this time they were an unsuspecting victim on a planet habited by a stronger species. During the war we had counters for nearly everything the watchers could dish out but one thing we were not aware of was the fact that the watchers could transform into a smaller but faster, stronger, and more durable form. This form took the shape of humankind. So closely related that it struck fear into the hearts of many. Not only was this extremely off-putting but the revelation that came along with it had altered the perception of humanity as we know it. The war had been put to a halt, and all forced fighting in the war had directed their attention to one watcher and one watcher alone. All forces had been completely immobilized and fighting back was no longer capable. With this, the words that had been spoken out of the watcher were a revelation that humanity had not even considered possible. “We are not your enemies. We are you but from the future. In our original timeline, we have been attacked by a species even higher than us. We had been pushed to the brink of extinction and our last hope was only to go back in time in hopes that if we returned to our past selves we could help evolve even more to contend with the world-ending threats from the future. This siege we had laid on this planet and the forced evolution, progression, and tragedy among humankind also brought extreme progression in human capabilities. All of you are vastly superior to your previous forms because of our arrival. While we acknowledge our methods were not the ideal we had no other option. This was the fastest and most effective method to progress the human species although we could not allow the human race to have this win. It would boost the ego of your race and our all of you in a state of comfort and stagnation. With this being said we resign from our participation in this war and would greatly appreciate it if you allowed us to help humanity rebuild and donate technology.” Speechless as to what humanity has just heard we just stood there in utter shock and disbelief. Not a single soul knew what to say and all of humanity had stood in confusion. One man spoke “how do we know this is true” the watcher proceeded to show pictures and videos of them being massacred while some stood in human form and others did not. They showed is this along with the words, “we initiated this war as a way to put the human race through natural selection and eliminate all the weak human being who would not be able to contribute to our growth and success in any upcoming battle. So with that being said what is your decision?” Our leader, and the smartest woman among us had stated, “We humbly decline this offer as we would prefer to evolve by our capabilities and we have already surpassed you so what can you possibly teach us.” After this being stated the war had been started again and the watchers had been for the first time since the “great cleansing” began utterly defeated and annihilated. With the war being won, humanity being victorious, and newfound abilities being discovered humanity had been thrown into an era of peace and prosperity. All tragedies had been blamed on the watchers and for the first time humanity had an ever lasting peace and a perfect utopia where everyone agreed and benefited from each other. With this, we have been vastly improving and slowly but steadily rebuilding our planet and all of humankind. Our members started family’s and genuinely enjoyed the life they were living once again. Everyone acting coyly and with one another was a beautiful side to behold. Everything was perfect until the same monsters who killed the watchers, showed up to eliminate us due to fear of what we could evolve into this time we had no way to fight back and our ranks were already diminished or severely weakened. How would humanity be able to survive this time???Most people had been massacre and captures to be experimented on. Very few of us had actually managed to get away from them and we had only been able to do this through shadow banishment. It was a skill that we had acquired through the technology of the watchers. Living in the void was not the ideal lifestyle as it was ruthless, dirty, and unsafe but the chances of surviving here were massively higher than surviving on earth. Only a hundred of us remained and the human species were basically extinct. With this small group left we had resorted to instead of trying to repopulate and exact revenge immediately we would take the short route. In the void monsters had no sort of civilization and the only rule amongst these creatures were the strongest prevail. There was no sort of rule, order, or even a sense of respect between these monsters. The weak were prey for the strongest, and the strong were killed by the stronger. We took this as an opportunity to not only increase our strength by training and battling but also amassing an empire. The remind of humanity collectively agree that we would bring order and peace to the void. The best way to go through this was by entering the tournament. The monsters held tournaments to watch the strongest fight and kill each other for pure fun. We joined this colosseum and while at first we easily overwhelmed our opponents we had slowly been facing harder and harder opponents as we rose through the ranks. By the time even a single one of us was defeated we had made a name and gained the attention of multiple monsters within the void. We were not necessarily respected or followed but we were feared and simultaneously an opponent that monsters wished to fight. After this we had developed our own fighting ring in which monster could fight and battle against us and only us. We implied a set of rules in this ring. Rule 1; no killing Rule 2; reservations must be made to fight Rule 3; both parties must consent Rule 4; do not make the fight personal Rule 5; it must be between a human and monster. These rules created a sense of security amongst the monsters and while driven by their desire of battle they also abided by the rules. Eventually after fighting throughout the tournament and gaining more traction with the monsters in it. Eventually even the most high ranked demons had begun to make reservations in for our fights. Our strongest soldiers had been the ones to fight them as nobody else can really compete. The first fight had been with a demon who had the ability of immunity. This ability did not only revolve around internal status effects but also could be applied to his physical body. The fight had been the biggest one the ring had ever experienced and it did not disappoint. Eventually we had won and this through the whole entire void and everyone in it into an uproar. Monsters who never even bothered to fight had shown up to battle. The strongest monster in the void and the only monster with a sense of order, self, and purpose had shown up to fight all humans by himself. He agreed that if we win he would pledge allegiance to us all and work under our rule however if we lose we will be killed. This monster bore an extreme resemblance humans. The structure of his body and the contents of it were all human like however he claimed not to be. This monsters name was angel and he possessed the ability to manipulate and control all matter with the sole exception of any other organic material that resided outside of his own body. Our commander and strongest member amongst us was the person to fight him. His name was Alexander and despite the fact that we didn't have any singular special powers like him however our physical bodies were honed greater than any other species in existence. They were evenly matched in speed and strength and even in our capabilities to rapidly heal from damage. They had been evenly matched in all physical ability and the fight had ultimately come to hand to hand combat and who could last longer. Angel was unmatched in combat and had barely even been hit due to how experienced in martial arts he had been; however throughout the fight Alexander had been naturally adapting to his fighting style and developing counters to everything. Our natural ability to adapt to all attacks and effects placed upon us had given a clear win condition; however time was needed to actually see and fully understand how to possibly adapt to everything. The longer the fight took the higher the chance of Angel losing. Alexander had slowly but steadily been adapting and developing new combat styles to counter everything angle could do and even had grown to use his own severed limbs as projectiles and use his blood as a coat over all other objects to cancel his ability to use his field. Angel's main ability had been to control the air around him to increase speed, power, and even get a sense of what his opponent would be doing before it happened. After finally adapting to this his body had begun to heat itself in an attempt to turn it into vapor and due to blood being organic matter of another life form he would no longer have control of the air and the surrounding area. After this the fight had come down to solely base physical capabilities and for 10 minutes they had been mindlessly brawling and instantaneously healing through the damage taken. After a long period of time their healing began to slow down due to bodily fatigue. Biting, punching, scratching, kicking, anything you can think of, they did it. That fight was a bloodbath unlike anything else and in the end they both passed out on the floor with nothing left besides their bodies soaked and bathed in each other's blood. After they had both been knocked unconscious their bodies had been left there in anticipation for them to awaken. The ring filled beyond capacity as people argued and fought about who would awaken first. In anticipation for this once in a lifetime event the whole void had stopped with all its attention. Angel was the first to awaken and he had been exhausted and utterly stunned as to how he actually had gotten knocked out. He had the opportunity to kill his opponent as he had technically won the battle but out of respect for his opponents strength and capabilities he possessed. After the fight had finished Angel had left and was never to be seen again. After 2 weeks Alexander had awoken in a small shack being guarded by one other human and confused after everything had been explained to him he had went around looking for angel but he was not to be found. After awakening Alexander had been massively stronger than before. Due to the physical state his body was put in and all the damage that he had taken from Angel his body had adapted and become more dense in order to take all the attacks while sustaining the least amount of damage possible. After his awakening this began our political revolution. We had now implemented the ring with rules and gotten multiple monsters to follow by these rules and with them being accurate to filling orders more now we had decided to initiate a leadedictator in a sense. The top 5 strongest creatures in the void had been the leaders and this had consisted of Alexander at 1, 2 other demons at 2 and 3, and humans to fill the final spots. We began to implement laws and rules in order to stop the mass murder and destruction happening and within a small time frame we had created structures similar to the ones of the earth. Houses and gyms in order to train in hopes of becoming stronger and even professional combat sports. After 2 months time had passed we had developed a military with our best members in it and humbly had began to repopulate. All this had been done in hopes of regaining the earth and defeated our oppressors. Fast forward 1 months the and the siege of the home planet had begun. They had not been suspecting us however took the preparations in case we had come. Based and soldiers set up in every corner of the world to fight back when the time came we did come back. With this an all out war for the fate of humanity had began and the extinction of either race lay in the balance between life and death.
After the war had began all forces had been deployed to different areas of the planet. Groups that had worked together best being deployed to one part while our strongest being deployed to another. At first we had been nearly even in everything besides technology. They had everything that we lacked and this gave them the combative edge. However despite lacking in technology we made up for it in numbers. Most fights had consisted of large groups of monsters fighting against one or two of our enemy and this has convoluted till their forces had been somewhat deployed. The one on one fights had been more dragged out and heavily impacted the war. Our strongest soldiers fighting against their strongest soldiers in a one on one fight. Everyone has put their all into this battle and left nothing to spare. Our second and third strongest soldiers had the most impact in this war not because of who they fought but because of what they could do. They didn’t actually have abilities specific to them but instead they were born with a type of energy within their bodies in which they called “synergy”. This synergy could be used to amp all their physical abilities but also be used to crate and use techniques or even use techniques that are specific to the traits of the individuals soul. The strength and physical stats of the individual depended on how much synergy they had at their disposal and while some of them were able to gather strength from other life forms it was not a very common occurrence. Alexander fought someone with the ability to control and manipulate momentum. They used synergy and funneled it through all objects of their choice to increase or decrease of momentum of that. This didn’t do much on a wide scale and was a very basic ability but in a solo battle this made it extremely hard to land attacks and even when they were landed they did little to no damage. The most important one to kill had the ability to manipulate all probability. Meaning the likelihood of us even winning this war was less then .0001 percent with them being alive. Whether it was because of a collection of small losses or one major loss did not make a difference. All odds were stacked against us as long as this person remained on the battlefield. In simple terms the whole war relied on the defeat of that person. Our second in command and smartest soldier, “Cassandra” decided to take this upon herself. She was the only one among us who possessed an innate ability and was viewed as the most special soldier but this came at a cost. She gained a talent no other human possessed but in return she no longer had the natural ability to adapt to all circumstances. Her ability was to take the form and attributes of any and all creature she knew to exist. Mythical or not she could take the shape and ability of these creatures and use it as long as she desired. However she could only use one at a time and had to wait 30 seconds in between shifting. Our third in command, “Vladimir” had took the roll of fighting their head technologist. While his opponent had not specialized in battle he still was one of the most dangerous and this was because of his ability to create machines as small as molecular level that shared his thoughts and emotions. These machines were used to repair his body in case on injury, transport information, invade any opponents body and restrict movement, anything that he deemed possible could be done with the use of those machines. But he chose to mainly use them as sort of technological tools to help him further advance his society. The rest of our battles were not nearly as important and were mostly group battles. Afro the beginning portion of Alexander’s fight he had been losing severely and could barely land any attacks at all. After a few minutes of getting beat down and not being able to fight back the adaptation process began. The first adaptation was only a temporary solution to the problem but his body had been explosively shooting out sharpened pieces of his bones and even using tiny droplets of blood as weapons. However this was only a temporary solution because eventually those bones and blood just started being slowed also. The final adaptation and most effective one happened when his body created a function in which he can store kinetic energy and then release it at any given time. This allowed him to rapidly boost his speed whenever his momentum had been slowed and basically cancel out his opponent power. However this still did not stop how his opponent made himself significantly faster. After this the fight had been more tipped into Alexander’s favor but still not enough to actually win. Throughout the progression of the fight Alexander had been gathering more and make friction between the clothes he had and his feet running against the floor. After gathering as much friction and kinetic energy as possible he let it all explode and release all over his body. This altered the form of his body. His body and skin began to form cracks and let off steam. He began to turn dark red and his eyes became shot with blood. His body was slowly crumbling and deteriorating. He had 5 minutes left to defeat his opponent and if he did not then his body would crumble and he would die. Due to his rapid healing factor he had a chance of living if he was able to end the fight within 5 minutes and give himself some time to rest but this all depended on how much he could get done. The battle had been tilted all the way in Alexander’s favor and had no longer been a battle. It had turned into if his opponent could outlast him in those 5 minutes. Brutally beating his opponent and taking full advantage of the situation Alexander did not relent on his rampage. Stopping his momentum no longer mattered and it seemed like the more he tried the faster Alexander got. Steam had been blowing off him. In the end he had managed to kill his opponent within those 5 minutes and had been at deaths door. Cassandra had began her battle and had been absolutely obliterating her opponent. The ability to shape shift from dragons, unicorns, hydras, centaurs, and any mythical creature you can think of. At first she had taken the abilities of a dragon but throughout the fight she had been developing into stronger and more complex creatures. After a while her opponent had been decreasing the probability of her even landing attacks. This made it extremely hard for her to fight and maintain the advantage. She took the appearance and abilities of the mythical deity sun wukong. Due to sun wukong being a monkey that ascended into a higher power he is one of the only gods that she can transform into. After this she gained the ability to not only make clones out of every hair on her body but also multiply the power of each clone. While she does not possess every power sun wukong has she possesses some of them and the most prominent ones. This fight had been a one sided beatdown and only lasted longer than 2 minutes because the probability of each clone attacking each other had been raised to its maximum percentage. Despite this every 1000 punches that had been thrown at least 1 hit her opponent and this was more than he could handle from millions of clones. Vladimir had no special capabilities; he only possessed an extremely honed body and battle experience. At first they had been near equal but the battle began to take a turn when the tiny bugs began to infest his body and eat him from the inside. Due to his advanced healing factor he had been able to stop any significant damage and fight with mild discomfort but this did not change that if he continued in for a longer period of time then he would inevitably be defeated by these bugs and killed. This made the battle a race against time. Expending everything his body had to offer and leaving not a single drop of energy left. Pushing his body to the absolute peak and physical limit. Even going beyond the known capabilities of his body he began to evolve into a higher form. He did not develop any new type of power or gain a newfound power but he did increase and rapidly evolve his physical capabilities. He began to punch with such speed and strength that he created shockwaves from breaking the sound barrier. With this his punches became far more explosive and with every punch thrown he was exploding giant parts of his opponents body and everything within the perimeter. With no regard to his surroundings the battle had destroyed everything in sight and left them fighting in a bare wasteland. Basically erasing everything within line of his punches he began to annihilate his opponent with speed and strength unmatched. Due to all the tiny machines within his body he regrow limbs and was able to counter attack with near no fatigue or even lag in his action. While pushing his body to its absolute limit his body had given up on him. Rapidly healing from constant damage, pushing muscles to their utmost limit, moving, attacking at his highest speed, and even understanding/ perception of all attacks massively faster then he could ever before. Due to all this his body began to give out and in the midst of battle he fell and was unable to recover. No longer able to fight back and maintain the performance he had, he was defeated. Being eaten from the inside, limbs being torn from his body, and being damaged so much that not even his regeneration could keep up. His head had been ripped off his body and with this humanity had suffered its first major loss. After this all other forces began to gain support from all his other bugs and humanities forces had been rapidly depleting. With loss in sight humanity had lost hope and accepted defeat. Right when humanity had accepted defeat and all hope had been lost the king had shown himself once again. Like an Angel coming to bless all of humanity he had run through and obliterated all enemies of humanity. Destroying everything in sight and bringing all enemies to his feet he had saved humanity and restored hope and just like that he had disappeared into the void once again. There was no explanation as to how or why but in that moment all of humanity knew who we would be forever grateful and indebted to. Not many opponents had been left standing but the few who were, were extremely weakened and overwhelmed by numbers. After this decisive battle humanity had been in a state of joy and excitement out of their new victory. Once all the excitement and happiness from winning had worn off all the sorrow and remorse from the losses had come rushing in. All the lost family members, dead soldiers, limbs lost, and mental trauma had taken a toll on humanity. After we had gotten our planet back we did not spend our time rebuilding and trying to repopulate. We spent months mourning the loss of our loved ones and all our soldiers. We laid in depression and sorrow for our mutual loss and mental trauma. This brought humanity closer as a whole and we bonded over our suffering. Humanity had been one but at what cost. After years of processing humanity had finally been able to rebuild all of our structures, population, and even expand to different planets. After all these trials and tribulations we had finally evolved completely and after ages of loss we had finally entered a golden age of humanity. After all this we had begun to explore the deep parts of our planet and while exploring we discovered something far beyond our comprehension. Humanity had only been a small part of a vastly bigger world and a whole new world had now been exposed to us. We had breached through the ice caps of the north pole and had been greeted with hostility from a race on our planet we did not even know existed. After entering this “new world” humanity had found out the truth of our existence and creation. After finding out the truth of our creation and the prophecy of our faith we had all collectively regretted winning that war. Beyond our world laid horrors and truths we were not yet prepared for. After all this we had once again been thrown into a dark age with no will to fight. In the end this was the beginning of the end for humanity…

North:
Stannis wins, but loses almost all his forces and in Winterfell there are no resources left, so he is forced to return to the wall leaving a few men in Winterfell. Ramsey had sent the false pink letter to provoke Jon, because Stannis used Theon and the false Arya as bait, making Ramsey go out with a few men to capture them (against the orders of his father Roose). Ramsey wanted to provoke Jon to make him leave Castle Black (knowing that Jon was his Lord Commander) and thus turn the Night's Watch against him. Ramsey eventually captures Theon and the fake Arya, but on his way back he finds the castle taken by Stannis, so he flees to Dreadfort. Jon is dead, and Selysse, upon learning of the pink letter, proposes to Melissandre to burn Shireen in order to help Stannis, and she accepts. By burning Shireen, Jon is resurrected. A second letter arrives, and this one says that Stannis has taken Winterfell but that he must return to consolidate the supply line (since Winterfell has no supplies to feed the survivors of his army). Jon, upon learning what has happened, with the help of the wildlings and those still loyal to him in the guard, imprisons Selysse along with all those who were part of his murder.
However, Jon decides to let Melissandre escape knowing that Stannis would kill her for what she did, and he does so because as much as it disgusts him that she burned Shireen, there is a power in her or her Red God or whatever that may be necessary for the war against the Others. Stannis returns and learns what has happened from Jon's words (I think this would be a very good moment to see Stannis in a moment of great vulnerability, to see a man like him break). Stannis decides to execute Selysse, and Jon executes all those responsible for his murder. Jon proposes to Stannis to join him this time as Jon Stark (leaving everything related to the Watch, including the Hardhome issue) to save Arya along with the help of the wildlings. Stannis accepts, knowing that the girl Ramsey has is not really Arya, omitting the truth out of interest. This time the North joins Stannis' cause for Jon Stark, and they march to Dreadfort. The battle of the bastards occurs, Jon, Stannis and Mance Ryder win handsomely saving Theon and Jeyne Poole (Jon realizing it wasn't Arya). This is when the wall is destroyed or the Others have somehow gotten through (as by Eastwatch freezing the sea itself). Jon realizes that he abandoned his guard and his brothers for nothing. (At this point the Iron bank funding comes to Stannis, but I doubt very much that it would do much good. Maybe for a large fleet in White Harbor, which would serve to evacuate the north to the free cities).

South:
Aegon conquers the Stormlands and marries Arianne Martell. The attempted coup of the Sand Snakes at King's Landing fails (Ser Robert Strong, the Mountain, protects Cersei and Tommen by killing the Sand Snakes). Dorne, the Stormlands and the golden company led by Aegon and Jon Connington invade Highgarden. Cersei asks Littlefinger for help in the Vale, and he accepts, but meanwhile Littlefinger agrees to an alliance with Aegon and swears allegiance to him if he makes him Warden of the East and Warden of the North through Sansa Stark, thus him marrying her (Robert Arryn dies in an “accident”). Aegon accepts because he knows about Stannis' advance in the North. Cersei opens the gates to the army of the Vale, and it sacks King's landing. Cersei talks to the pyromancer and tells him to burn the whole city while she plans to flee with Tommen. He obeys and begins the process. Then Arya (who has already had her development in Braavos) shows up and in some spectacular way from what she has learned in the Faceless Men kills the Mountain, and then Arya goes after Cersei and Tommen. Cersei begs Arya to spare Tommen's life, to kill her but not to kill Tommen. Arya then slowly kills Tommen in front of Cersei, and then kills her. The whole city starts to burn from the valyrian fire, but Arya escapes (She heard Cersei's orders she gave to the pyromancer being with another face, but she doesn't bother to stop him, she is totally indifferent about it). King's Landing ends up completely in ruins, exploding and burning everything and everyone who fails to escape. Aegon is left without capital and without an iron throne (Varys is also saved thanks to the secret passages).
Euron conquers Casterly Rock with the intention of plundering the gold and finds that there is nothing. In addition, Lady Stoneheart (Catelyn) kills Jaime in front of Brienne (who accepts because she swore to obey Catelyn, even knowing that Jaime had changed and still loving him, she does it out of honor). Catelyn leading the brotherhood without a banner kills and hunts down all the Freys, including Walder Frey, causing the riverlands to end in anarchy. Catelyn, for the intel she got from Jaime, goes to the westerlands to save Jeyne Westerling (Robb's Wife) in The Crag and Edmure on Casterly Rock (along the way she meets Brynden, the Blackfish). Once Catelyn saves Jeyne at The Craig she and her family tell her that they hid Robb's son in the riverlands, pretending that Jeyne had miscarried. She also learns that the Ironborn have captured Casterly Rock, where Edmure is. Catelyn is at the crossroads of going west to try to save her brother or going east to look for Robb's son.

Essos:
Barristan Selmy meets Jorah and Tyrion, and initially Barristan wants to kill Jorah for bypassing the exile but Tyrion intervenes and they focus more on finding Daenerys. The three go on an expedition in search of Daenerys (leaving the Unsullied and the Second Sons in charge of Meereen). Daenerys is trapped in the Dosh Khaleen, and Jorah, Tyrion and Barristan end up finding out somehow, so they plan to save her (Jorah knows the city will be deserted). After they are gone, Victarion and his fleet arrive in Meereen, and Moqorro sounds the horn after making sacrifices to R'hllor (thus avoiding his own death). Moqorro gains control over Viserion and Rhaegal. The Ironborn take over Meereen with the help of the dragons, and Victarion, not finding Daenerys, tells Moqorro that two dragons are enough and that they should return to Westeros. Moqorro objects, and then performs a ritual in his flames that makes him see where Daenerys is. Victarion, Moqorro and the Ironborn make an expedition to go after Daenerys to Vaes Dothrak.
The Dothrakis realize that there is an army heading towards Vaes Dothrak, so all the Khals go there to protect their holy city. Jorah, Tyrion and Barristan at first find the city completely deserted, but when the Khals arrive everything fills up and they must flee and hide. Then the Ironborn arrive, led by Victarion. The Dothrakis charge the Ironborn, and then Moqorro uses the dragons and the dragons burn them. In the midst of the chaos, Jorah, Tyrion and Barristan manage to reach Daenerys along with the other Khaleesis, but Drogon appears. Daenerys controls Drogon as best she can (he isn't under Morroqo's influence), and tells Jorah, Tyrion and Barristan to run away. Drogon then burns Dosh Khaleen along with all the Khaleesis. This is a catastrophe for all the Dothrakis, but then among the flames Daenerys appears. The Dothrakis consider this a prophecy, so all the khals prostrate themselves before her and join her army. Moqorro, Victarion and Daenerys meet, and then Moqorro gives the horn to Daenerys. Victarion objects, but being surrounded by Dothrakis and now without power over the dragons, he decides not to exert force also at Moqorro's persuasion. Moqorro tells Daenerys that death is marching on Westeros, that the wall has fallen. It is then that Daenerys decides to leave with the Dothrakis, the Unsullied and the Ironborn with Victarion's fleet to Westeros (it may be that the Dothraki went overland to the free cities and then embarked from there).
This would be in summary what I think would happen without reaching the end and skipping some things. Daenerys would take many months to reach Westeros, she would stop by other slaver cities to feed her great army. Meanwhile, the North led by Stannis as King, Jon Stark as guardian of the North and Mance Ryder leading the wildlings, would have to organize a massive evacuation of the entire North to below the neck. Thousands of ravens would fly. Jon, Stannis and Mance would be on the front lines fighting Aegon's army, being the golden company, dorne, the knights of the valley, what's left of the stormlands and probably also part of the tyrell (who I assume would eventually surrender to Aegon). Stannis' conquest to the south would not so much be a war as a desperate flight, Aegon would not believe anything about the others and would see Stannis only as the brother of the man who killed his father. Aegon's army is much larger, has far more supplies (the north is in ruins) and his army of far, far higher quality (the golden company and the knights of the valley are some of the best). So I would guess that Stannis would lose against the Vale and would have to decide to maneuver to the twins (which are abandoned by the passing of Lady Stoneheart). The goal would not be to win battles, but to flee from the Others. It would be like what Mance Ryder did beyond the wall but all the way north to the south. (I assume at some point Daenerys would land at Dragonstone and fight Aegon, a marriage between them would no longer be viable) Something I forgot about: I assume Davos would eventually find Rickon with Osha. White Harbor would be the most important place to evacuate the north, sending as many refugees as possible to the free cities. Now, I don't quite know what would happen with Bran really. He might be a good point of view from which to see the mass evacuation of the north, with him fleeing to the south as well. I think that the advance of the others should take over all of Westeros and even advance towards Essos through the sea of stepstones but frozen. Let it be a real massive apocalyptic event.

Mini bio of this certain individual: musician with the gift of bullshit and a silver tongue, always knows a guy, if you tell a story he'll mention what happened to him in his life regarding same subject, inserts himself in any situation going on in workplace even if not his particular department, micromanager, smallest things are huge problems, makes you do mundane work instead of letting you do your job, overall ass.
Long winded, I know but I've known this guy for over 20 years now and it's been a doozy. Recently started working for him and it's been... something... Left my old job for a pay decrease to come help at a start up school, going great but basically ha e been made his bitch and I let him know that's not cool on a daily basis. Bust my ass and basically am the gopher and do all the work nobody else wants to do guy. Mentally burnt, but have been promised the world. Comes time to raise time, which I was coached about to ask for more and hell get me where I want to be. Get in the meeting and get a bs title promotion with subpar raise compared to what Ive done for him and the school. I look to him during the meeting and he avoids all eye contact and doesn't say a word. Get out of their fuming and let him know that my trust in him has been hit, he comes to my office and plays the "Do you think we should work together?" And "Use that anger to better yourself" cards. This is a person I've considered a good friend for all this time to be hit with comments like that. Oh and with the new title, comes no paid OT, your on call, and breaks are limited now. I'm a facilities manager, which I get the thing about breaks, but basically I should be available 24/7 365 which is totally not cool in my book but I'm new to this position so I'll give it a go.
Am I fucked staying here? Also not sure if this was the right place to post, and sorry but I needed to vent somewhere and this seemed like a good place.

Just another one of those nights, I thought, sitting all alone on a bus stop bench at around 9:47 pm last Thursday. I had to catch my breath because of all the running I did, hoping to get to the last bus after working extra hours. The last bus, n°RH08B7usually arrives at 9:35 pm if not late, and that night, my hopes turned into reality when I saw its lights illuminating the stop. I watched it get close and could clearly read the number on its front screen, making me beam with relief.
Upon entering, I greeted the driver who did not respond at all, and I found the vehicle completely empty. Never mind, I thought, and comfortably seated somewhere among the first rows. I got my phone and texted my colleague and friend Lizell. I will not assume everybody can read and understand our texting slang so I will write it normally instead:
'Liz?' I wrote.
'Hey girl, please tell me you already in your +Drive (the most popular rideshare app in our country)' Lizell responded. 'Those people will not pay for all the extra hours. You know it' She added.
'No girl I'm on the bus. I changed my mind hoping the last bus would be late and it was. Guess you caught the one before, right?'
'The one before? Zora, where are you? Which last bus?'
'The last bus, the RH08B7. You really making me type a full code?'
'Girl, I got the last bus, I'm currently in the RH08B7.' She texted back.
'You lying 😳' I replied, before she sent me a picture of a screen inside the bus she was on, clearly showing RH08B7.
'Girl, stop messing with me 🤣 ' She wrote, before I sent her a picture of a screen inside the bus I was on, clearly showing the same number.
'Girl, get off NOW!' She replied.
'Next stop for sure' I texted.
'Look, let me the cops or something' She responded.
After pressing the button indicating my will to get off at the next stop, I waited, trying to remain calm. When we were close to the stop, I rejoiced seeing two people waiting, probably hoping to get on the last bus if it was late, just like I did. The two persons even stood up, expecting the vehicle to slow down and stop, and so did I, making my way to the door.
The bus did not stop.
Both of them raised their arms and shouted, confused at what was happening.
"Hey! Hey stop! Driver, stop!" I yelled, banging on the locked door.
I walked to him and could not even utter a word the moment I saw him. He had a mask, those smiling ones you see bank robbers wear in the movies. That was no good sign. I stood there a few seconds until I could speak again and asked:
"What— what you doing?" What else could I say? He remained silent, ignoring me. "Sir?" I called.
"I'll advise you to sit back down madam. And don't you dare bang on my door again." He calmly replied.
Waiting for him to reach his 'destination' was the worst move I could make, so I tried to insist.
"Just why are you doing this? Where we going?" I asked.
"Sit— back— down!" He commanded.
"N— no!" I let out on the verge of tears, while his only response was to pull out something from his left and carefully placed it on his lap.
It was a gun.
A gasp escaped from my mouth as I took a few steps back.
"Look, I— I can give you all I— I have money on me right—" I tried negotiating but stopped when his head slowly turned to me.
"Are you looking down on me? Do I look hungry to you?" He asked, his voice slowly rising along with his growing anger, as he completely ignored the road. "Can't you see I have a job? A professional and competent driver like me?" He yelled. "SIT— BACK— DOWN!" He commanded again. That time, I obeyed.
While I made my way to the back of the bus, contemplating my options, he seemed to read my mind as he switched off the lights, attempting to prevent me from making signs to potential pedestrians. Unfortunately for him, I used my phone, and a few people saw me waving the lit screen like crazy inside the dark of the vehicle. I also soon noticed that no button on that bus actually worked.
Suddenly, he accelerated and stopped considering the lights, other motorists and just everything. I soon heard the police sirens until two law enforcement cars came into view, chasing the bus. The vehicle then started swerving, unfortunately knocking cars out of its way as I tried to hold on to a seat. Tears covered my face as I expected the crazy driver to lose control, the vehicle to flip over and both us to just die, each time I saw cars on the side nearly crashing into the bus. At some point, I lost my grip on my phone and I tried to open a window, thinking of jumping off like in the movies.
The windows too were locked.
"Don't worry madam! We'll soon reach the terminus. Thank you for traveling with us and remember: whatever your journey, you can count on us to drive you safely!" He shouted...joyfully.
When we finally arrived at the terminus, he unlocked the door and dashed out, still chased by the police.
I got rescued from one officer and even though I had not sustained any injury, I already intended to take a well-deserved leave that I am currently enjoying as I am typing this post. There might not be any ghost, ghoul or monster (depending on what you decide to call that lunatic) but there you have it, the scariest thing that ever happened to me. At least up to now.
The crazy thing is that he escaped and he is still out there, somewhere.

Just another one of those nights, I thought, sitting all alone on a bus stop bench at around 9:47 pm last Thursday. I had to catch my breath because of all the running I did, hoping to get to the last bus after working extra hours. The last bus, n°RH08B7usually arrives at 9:35 pm if not late, and that night, my hopes turned into reality when I saw its lights illuminating the stop. I watched it get close and could clearly read the number on its front screen, making me beam with relief.
Upon entering, I greeted the driver who did not respond at all, and I found the vehicle completely empty. Never mind, I thought, and comfortably seated somewhere among the first rows. I got my phone and texted my colleague and friend Lizell. I will not assume everybody can read and understand our texting slang so I will write it normally instead:
'Liz?' I wrote.
'Hey girl, please tell me you already in your +Drive (the most popular rideshare app in our country)' Lizell responded. 'Those people will not pay for all the extra hours. You know it' She added.
'No girl I'm on the bus. I changed my mind hoping the last bus would be late and it was. Guess you caught the one before, right?'
'The one before? Zora, where are you? Which last bus?'
'The last bus, the RH08B7. You really making me type a full code?'
'Girl, I got the last bus, I'm currently in the RH08B7.' She texted back.
'You lying 😳' I replied, before she sent me a picture of a screen inside the bus she was on, clearly showing RH08B7.
'Girl, stop messing with me 🤣 ' She wrote, before I sent her a picture of a screen inside the bus I was on, clearly showing the same number.
'Girl, get off NOW!' She replied.
'Next stop for sure' I texted.
'Look, let me the cops or something' She responded.
After pressing the button indicating my will to get off at the next stop, I waited, trying to remain calm. When we were close to the stop, I rejoiced seeing two people waiting, probably hoping to get on the last bus if it was late, just like I did. The two persons even stood up, expecting the vehicle to slow down and stop, and so did I, making my way to the door.
The bus did not stop.
Both of them raised their arms and shouted, confused at what was happening.
"Hey! Hey stop! Driver, stop!" I yelled, banging on the locked door.
I walked to him and could not even utter a word the moment I saw him. He had a mask, those smiling ones you see bank robbers wear in the movies. That was no good sign. I stood there a few seconds until I could speak again and asked:
"What— what you doing?" What else could I say? He remained silent, ignoring me. "Sir?" I called.
"I'll advise you to sit back down madam. And don't you dare bang on my door again." He calmly replied.
Waiting for him to reach his 'destination' was the worst move I could make, so I tried to insist.
"Just why are you doing this? Where we going?" I asked.
"Sit— back— down!" He commanded.
"N— no!" I let out on the verge of tears, while his only response was to pull out something from his left and carefully placed it on his lap.
It was a gun.
A gasp escaped from my mouth as I took a few steps back.
"Look, I— I can give you all I— I have money on me right—" I tried negotiating but stopped when his head slowly turned to me.
"Are you looking down on me? Do I look hungry to you?" He asked, his voice slowly rising along with his growing anger, as he completely ignored the road. "Can't you see I have a job? A professional and competent driver like me?" He yelled. "SIT— BACK— DOWN!" He commanded again. That time, I obeyed.
While I made my way to the back of the bus, contemplating my options, he seemed to read my mind as he switched off the lights, attempting to prevent me from making signs to potential pedestrians. Unfortunately for him, I used my phone, and a few people saw me waving the lit screen like crazy inside the dark of the vehicle. I also soon noticed that no button on that bus actually worked.
Suddenly, he accelerated and stopped considering the lights, other motorists and just everything. I soon heard the police sirens until two law enforcement cars came into view, chasing the bus. The vehicle then started swerving, unfortunately knocking cars out of its way as I tried to hold on to a seat. Tears covered my face as I expected the crazy driver to lose control, the vehicle to flip over and both us to just die, each time I saw cars on the side nearly crashing into the bus. At some point, I lost my grip on my phone and I tried to open a window, thinking of jumping off like in the movies.
The windows too were locked.
"Don't worry madam! We'll soon reach the terminus. Thank you for traveling with us and remember: whatever your journey, you can count on us to drive you safely!" He shouted...joyfully.
When we finally arrived at the terminus, he unlocked the door and dashed out, still chased by the police.
I got rescued from one officer and even though I had not sustained any injury, I already intended to take a well-deserved leave that I am currently enjoying as I am typing this post. There might not be any ghost, ghoul or monster (depending on what you decide to call that lunatic) but there you have it, the scariest thing that ever happened to me. At least up to now.
The crazy thing is that he escaped and he is still out there, somewhere.

I’m 31 years old and 9m postpartum with my second baby. 2 months after she was born I started to have some major fatigue. My OB and pcp both told me it was depression. Tried Zoloft, lexapro and Wellbutrin. All were the worst experience of my life with awful side effects and Wellbutrin actually made me suicidal. Finally I went to another pcp who actually listened and thought maybe this isn’t depression- he ran a ton of blood work. My symptoms are major fatigue to the point im falling asleep during the day, joint pain, pins and needles in my hands/up my arms, feet and up my spine, brain fog and trouble concentrating or getting my words out, anxiety, trouble controlling my temperature (typically always hot and when it’s bad I get a rash on my face) puffy neck face and back- I almost look like I have a hump. I feel super swollen like a balloon that needs to pop. I’m also struggling with weight gain/can’t loose it.
Results- positive ANA, false positive Lyme disease, positive Epstein Barr and parvovirus however I don’t know if these are showing up from past infection? My sedimentation rate was 30 and my CRP was 23.5 they also did my TSH which was 2.3 but then went up to 4.5 within a few weeks. My T4 was .87 I’m at a complete loss of what is going on but it’s messing so bad with my functioning and being able to take care of my young children.

I have been talking with guy for a couple months now and the entire time he has been trying to hang out and telling me I should give him a chance, yada yada. Well, I finally allowed him in, we had an amazing time but at the same time I discovery his “roommate” is actually his girlfriend, well he said there was nothing between them, and that they never slept together or anything, but the more time we spent together the more truth started to come out. I found out they were actually in a relationship not by him being honest, but by seeing the fact he has her saved as baby in his phone. Which made me very, very confused. Again, I asked him several times over if they had been intimate, each time her swore they never have.
Today he says it’s ended with her and he packed his stuff and started moving out, which apparently was very stressful and hectic, fighting the whole time. That was this morning, and now come to find at dinner, he gets a phone call and is talking all casually with someone and when they go to hang up, I hear him say, “I love you, too.” Which immediately caught me off guard like who the fuck was that?! And I just had a feeling, and so I asked “was that her?!” And he was just like yeah like it was no big deal. So now, im even more confused, and it’s starting to sting. He says there is nothing there he doing want her, but he does love her as a friend, eventhough she acts totally psycho and possessive over him and constantly stressing him out and making him miserable. If it wasn’t hurtful and confusing enough as it is, what really REALLY bothering me is he is acting like this is normal behavior and no big deal, most likely thinking I’m just as crazy as that psycho bitch. Because from what he told me, she’s a total psycho. Not only that, it’s so rude to talk on the phone with someone when you hanging out with someone, especially if it’s like a date. We are out to get a nice meal, ready to have a good night out and he gets on a phone call with her. And says I love you to boot! Like wtf is going on right now, my mind is a total mess. So I pretty much exploded telling him why what he is doing and how he is handling it is all kinds of wrong. And he’s just like, it’s nothing, it’s not big deal to him. And after this, I also I finally get him to admit they have slept together. So now I’m just like, well fuck- now I don’t know what is actually true or not now. There no longer a baseline when it comes to knowing this guy and how true to his word he is and my head is a total mess. He promised to never hurt me, yet here we are, only our second day together Im crumbing inside and covered in tears outside. I feel stupid, I feel like I’m nothing but a joke and I’m so. So so. Mad at myself for opening myself up and letting him in. I don’t know what to do, my mind is totally made up on cutting him loose before it gets too serious, but my heart doesn’t want to let go of what it caught a glimpse.
It’s like I finally found everything I ever wanted in a man and we work so well it’s scary. Almost like it’s too good to be true, and now that I said it out loud… yeah jjust shoot me now, because it probably is. It always is. There are no happy ending in my world and I really hate myself right now for losing myself in the moment and forgetting my place in the world.
Was I wrong to snap? I’m not an angry person but it made me snap. Now I’m confused and heartbroken and scared and I don’t know to do… 💔

Good Day,
Today has been a roller coaster a bit. It was good working out this morning. You are a real motivation for me to keep going and to get better. Then I got in my head and I was just a mess for a while, until you messaged me about meal prepping. Idk what it was... but it just got me out of my stupor. We talked a bit and then I started my meal prep work. As you saw... I prepped a lot. Essentially it should be enough for 8ish days. I could stretch it out longer, depending on how I mix in the Salads/Yogurt preps. That part was good, as it kept me going and working on something that I know. Thank you, I needed that. I likely would have just stayed curled up in my chair crying if it wasn't for your message.
I am sorry that I am such a mess at times, it is just so hard to think about everything. To think about you being out of my life. Part me thinks how is it possible for someone who loved me so much when I was broken...undeserving of love, that I can't be loved when I am healing... working on permanently fixing my issues. I can never be that horrible person again. It just isn't in me; something has fundamentally changed in my core. It doesn't matter... I know. I am just trying to say how I feel.
I found a new church I am going to try next Sunday. It is a nondenominational in the town 10ish miles south of me that starts with a S. I figured I would follow your advice and see how it goes. I trust your advice and opinions on these things. I am making a serious effort to find my spiritual path in this life.
This morning with the working out and my head getting all funky, I missed my journal writing. So I will be doing a longer writing session in a bit. I figured I will do my bible study before hand, that way I can reflect on it a bit in my writing. Well that is, I am going to try. My stomach is starting to flare up a bit right now, I have been fighting it off for about an hour. Just hoping that it will go away.
Well, I don't want to keep you up too late. Talk to you in the morning for our Leg Day workout... if my legs feel anything like my arms. I will be dead tomorrow. It was near impossible for me to get my shower done right because my soap is on the top shelf. I kept dropping it trying to put it back.
Good night,
Words

I used to work as an early childhood educator but upon "coming out" (I never formally came out, but when children would ask me why I started "looking like a boy" I would explain what being NB meant and coworkers would hear), I was met with fear and enmity from the parents/clients. Within a month, new policy changes were put in place that were very obviously targetted towards me that were both transphobic and ignorant of what it meant to be non-binary.
The long and short of it is that, while the children I taught were very understanding and open-minded, the clients and my own coworkers policed me to the point where I was experiencing breakdowns every morning before work, my work quality dropped immensely, and I even dropped out of ECE school because it was (re-)traumatizing to learn how to best support the people who vilified me.
Now the timing of quitting came at the same time that I was able to return to university and finish a degree that I put on pause due to COVID. I am now about to graduate and job searching entry-level office work. I am underemployed and desperate for any full-time work.
Cue, a job posting at an early learning centre for an administrative assistant. I know I'd be a shoe-in to get some office experience and could become comfortable working in a centre if I didn't have to directly educate children or work with the parents as intimately as I used to (which would be re-traumatizing).
But I know if I were to get an interview (here or somewhere else) I would likely have to tackle why I haven't returned to being an educator (I currently have a "gap" in my resume because I'm working retail but I exclude my current job from my resume) at the very least while searching for admin work.
How do I best tackle this question? Also, how do I deal with scenarios where they may call my previous employer? My previous employer only knows me by my dead name and would likely not put good words in for me.

TW: detailed SA
To preface this, I was manipulated and abused by a boy when I was 13. During this time my mom abandoned me with my dad and I was in an extremely vulnerable position emotionally. I had just left foster care as well and had really never experienced real love or attention.
That was until I met a boy in my grade(7th grade), who immediately started complimenting me and approaching me sexually. He would send me other girls nudes, who were also our age, saying it was normal to send nudes even though I didn't want to. He endlessly pressured me into sending nudes by saying he was going to hurt himself or even kill himself. He pressured me into dating him and I ended up "dating" him for the next 9 months. On our first date he immediately got me away from my mom and kissed me and grabbed my chest and immediately starting putting his hand down my underwear. I pushed him off of me and my mom immediately turned the corner to find us. She ended up essentially dropping off the face of the earth less than a week later.
After this "date," we continued to text and he wanted to know when I'd be ready for sex. He wanted me to sext with him and I physically couldn't I was just 13 and too awkward to. He'd get extremely mad and end up sexting other girls just to send me screenshots of their messages and nudes. For some reason I thought this was normal. I told him I wouldn't feel ready for sex until I was at least 14, but a month into dating he came over to my house with 2 of our friends. Our 2 friends went upstairs and we stayed in my room, he forced himself onto me after we had been kissing. He pulled down my pants and I said no and he begun raping me I cried and said no and that it hurt but he still continued. When he finished, he had blood on his hands which he wiped off and we went upstairs to be with our friends. I told him it wasnt normal and it hurt and there was blood on his hands but he showed me a porn of how virgins usually bleed so I thought it was normal.
I continued dating him, I thought this whole thing was normal so we had more sex and do sexual things. I went on a trip with him and his family a few months later even and while there he strangled me. I was in the middle of rambling about some show I was interested in and he wrapped both hands around my neck and squeezed so hard. I just looked into his eyes and gasped and he had no emotion on his face at all. He ended up breaking up with me a few months later blaming my poor mental health.
Months after that I started piecing together that what happened wasn't normal. I would look at the spot on the ground where it happened in my room and get flashbacks. Even though we had "broken up" we were still texting and I told him that I didnt want what had happened that day. I also took a sex ed class after it had happened and realized technically it had been rape. I told him my concerns and he admitted that what had happened wasn't right. I dont remember what happened to make me so angry at him that I went to our school counselors and reported him, but he did something to aggravate me? There was a police investigation but I dropped charges due to already having to go to court like every month for the past year for foster care complications and getting a restraining order on my mom. He ended up moving schools soon after and I moved 100 miles away the following year.
Fast forward, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and we live together. We're both broke students but we really love each other. He was in a car accident last week that totaled his car, he was physically fine but taken away by an ambulance and in the hospital for the rest of the day. The doctors were worried there might be spine or head trauma/damage and I've never been so worried in my life. He ended up fine but I realized that I really want to spend a good portion of my life with this man, possibly even have kids. He's my only family really and he's amazing, imagining him injured or worse made me lose my mind at the hospital.
He knows a lot about my trauma, my mom ended up dying so he's comforted me through that as well as listening to all the horrible things I've experienced. I've mentioned there's one thing I can't talk about which is this. I physically cannot bring any of this up to him and I can't even say the word rape out loud. He's assured me I can tell him whenever I feel ready but I don't know how to admit these things unless he asks me very specific questions about it which obviously I cant expect.
He's very gentle with me but sometimes I feel myself disassociated during sex and get flashbacks to what happened. I just want him to understand what happened but I don't even know how to begin the conversation.
If anyone has advice on how I bring this up to him it would be very appreciated.

I grew up in an extreme fundamentalist church. My entire life as a child was heavily censored - music, books, tv, movies, video games, etc. Now that I am a parent I am trying to figure more appropriate approach for my own child. I don’t believe in censoring “bad” language as I believe cuss words are a religious construct. I also don’t believe in hiding alternative viewpoints, instead I ask questions to help them think through what they are hearing or seeing. I also wanted to let my child be in the driver’s seat for taking on scary themes (still kid genre stuff). My child pretty much self- selects what they are comfortable with. I have no passwords on Netflix or Hulu and I don’t worry at all about what they watch. My child hates scary shows, so until recently they only watched cartoons and stuff that is boring AF. They are getting older and school friends are starting to get into stories and shows with scarier themes. My child has pushed into some more intense books and shows lately. It’s caused many nightmares and late nights. Initially I felt the experience would help them self-correct and go back to their comfort zone. However, that’s not really happening. It’s been a month and sleep is getting super disrupted. I am navigating an entirely different approach with my kid than I grew up with. Wondering for those that escaped fundy-land, how do you balance freedom and exploration with your kids?

Im suffering from pretty bad burnout and trying to get support. This is an old event that left me running from my special interest.
Most of my life Ive been enamoured with computers, probably 10 years old when I saw my first one at my friend's house. I eventually after many failed attempts at other things, I had the experience and know how to get and IT job. It was perfect, life wasn't but at least work was great until it wasn't.
I worked as an analyst for a major ISP, once they noticed my work flow they started to add on to it. I transitioned to a follow up person, instead of a call taker. We only had two follow up people, one on each shift for a total of two. I handled high level impact events and managed RMAs the best i could. If a person needed help in the office with a problem I was usually the person to go to, my supervisors even asked me for help regularly. Also I was the only person to be able to handle follow up and keep it caught up. Follow up was mainly taking the tickets from issues throughout the entire region from data center down to customer and doing just that, following up. Most tickets were data center to node level though.
Down time in the office for me was rare but eventually I had a routine that aloud for some. We were encouraged to browse the Internet and get on our social media accounts. I did some, not nearly as much as most though. I was really into prepping, I never owned a gun. I never looked at guns at work or at home, I don't know why but I was fascinated with reloading benches. I have this thing with efficiency and I was hyper fixated on the cost of ammo versus reloading ammo. Again I didn't own a gun and wasn't even looking to buy one. However I did look at a ton of reloading benches though.
I had no idea what was going on with me at the time, work life was suffering as was home life. Somehow I had ended up with custody of both of my nieces because my brother hit them. They both called DCFS, not at the same time but about three weeks apart. I didn't want custody of my nieces but I was being very heavily pressured by family. I was living with my brother at the time, they couldn't live with their mom full time at that time. So essentially they would go to moms when I was at work if they weren't at school. I was buying groceries, cooking and cleaning for them and also paying rent to their dad. Their dad, my brother was gambling a lot at the time and was all a round not being a good person. He is diagnosed with bipolar. He attacked me a couple times while I had custody of his kids, I was calling him out for being a bad dad.
Back to work now and I've applied to a new position that would get me into a department that I was super interested in, critical infrastructure. I was given a programming test that I had 30 minutes to complete, it was a cake walk. Well during the interview I was asked how I would handle conflict resolution with a team member if we could just not come to terms on something. The response I gave was "I would need to go to my superior to get it worked out". I was told that my response was to militaristic and that me only scoring second highest on the programing test is the reason I didn't get the job. The other person was given the test and had 24 hours to complete it.
Life sucked at this point, I was feeling really burned by it all and was just getting less tolerant of a lot. My attitude at work changed and I was just not doing great all around. I must say I was really into conspiracy theories at that time too, I didn't believe in many but the one I did probably should have been quiet about. I don't want to talk about it and if you have made it this far you will soon know why. If you want to know after I will say in a DM.
I went into work one day and I guess it was time, they escorted me downstairs to this interrogation room. This old detective type person started laying into me about wanting to shoot the place up. They threw my web history at me, my chat logs. I was in shock and didn't know what to do, he just kept trying to show me reloading benches. They just kept at it for a long time, well it felt like a long time. I eventually just wrote out what happened and he wanted me to change what I wrote at the end. I specifically stated that at no point had I planned to shoot anything up and I was sorry if anyone took my actions or words that way. He wanted change it to say that I did want to shoot up the place. That was the main reason it took so long in that room. I was let go but it wasn't the end of it.
Within 12hrs my place was surrounded by police with automatic rifles. I was taken to a hospital where I think they thought I would be committed? The psychiatrist I saw after many hours was understanding and said I was fine and let me go. She even understood my stance on the conspiracy theory that landed me in that place and told me I wasn't crazy for believing it!
After about a month went by I had the FBI knocking on my door. I had an interview with them and was just so nervous at that point I just wanted it to be over with. I could barely talk I was so scared.
I never fully could trust another after that.

Just a few days ago we brought baby home from a three week stay in the NICU. I really wanted to breastfeed and baby was latching but he was struggling with eating in general. The nurses/lactation team were supportive but I was told just to try one or the other (breastfeeding or bottle feeding) per feed so he didn’t tire out. As he got more used to the bottle, he started crying when I would attempt to breastfeed. Since the breastfeeding wasn’t really counting towards his volumes anyway, I gave up trying and just bottle fed in the NICU with donor milk combined with my pumped milk.
I found pumping exhausting and frustrating, especially because my volumes were low and I was barely producing even a ML when I wasn’t at the NICU but I kept it up in hopes I could transition to breastfeeding. I tried supplements recommended by lactation.
I thought when I got baby home my supply would increase but that’s not been the case. At first, I was able to make nearly a 50/50 formula/breastmilk mix but now I’ve been having to use around 80- 100% formula. My supply has gotten even lower and probably because I’ve missed pumping sessions. With baby eating every 2-3 hours, by the time I prepare the bottle, feed him, hold him, pump and clean everything, I’m lucky if I have even 30 minutes to spare to get some rest. I try to prioritize pumping but sometimes I have no time between feeds. Since I’m barely producing anything, the pumping feels almost pointless but I’m having a hard time giving it up because I know it’s good for him what little I can produce.
I tried breastfeeding once at home but I’m scared because I never really got the hang of it in the NICU and feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I want to make sure he has enough to eat, especially with my supply low, and I don’t know if trying both will exhaust him. I’ve been sleeping maybe 3 hours per 24 hour period and don’t know how long I can keep up with pumping. I’m feeling discouraged. Any words of wisdom?

https://www.reddit.com/GriefSupport/comments/1bykm11/anaia/
https://www.reddit.com/GriefSupport/comments/1bxzqi4/siste
About a month ago, I posted two separate posts on this subreddit about my younger sister, Anaia, who passed away on March 17th, 2024. In one post I gave photos, and in the other I wrote about her addiction, but I don't think I've really talked about myself.
It has been nearly two months since my little sister passed away, and I wouldn't describe it as grueling or depressing, just unusual. On April 22nd, it was confirmed to my family that Anaia died as a result of fentanyl toxicity, which was the reason I always assumed but to have it confirmed was very depressing. Yesterday, I went to my grandmother's house and there were a few copies of Anaia's death certificate, in the onset interval to death section, I said minutes. When talking to my mother (me and my parents talk all the time, my dad sits in my room and plays games while we talk about Anaia or something random, and me and my mother will talk about random things as well as Anaia too.), she told me her perspective of that morning. Long story short, around 11:45AM, I woke up to my mother screaming my sister's name and she soon realized she was unresponsive, me and my father woke up soon after and I called 911, and that's the short version. I assumed my sister was in her covers sleeping and fentanyl overrid her system, but no, my mom told me that when she walked into Anaia's room, she was laid flat out on top of all of her covers, arms outstretched to the side. Learning that was a major shock to me, and I'll explain why.
Sure, Anaia's death was nearly instant. But hearing the details of what my mom said really drove him that once it happened, it didn't matter whether we went into there at the right time or later, there was likely nothing that could've been done. From my understanding, it was almost as if she was up one second and collapsed the next. There was dried vomit on clothes next to her bed, making me assume that after vomiting, she just collapsed instantly after and died. After calling 911, my mother demanded out of fear for me to help her perform CPR, and I didn't hesitate to do so. But, anyone in that situation could tell, with no details given, that there was nothing that could've been done. The typical signs of a deceased body were very present, and even I (doing the mouth resuscitation) knew that if I felt no air coming back onto me, and touching her neck didn't give a pulse, I quickly understood that this was it, like there was nothing me or my parents could've done. When the paramedics arrived at 12 exactly, it took them a minute or two for them to tell us that there was nothing to be done, and ultimately, Anaia had died long, long before we got to her. They said roughly 6-8 hours, meaning at the earliest 3am, and at the latest 5am. It's a disheartening fact for him, and even my father expressed to me too a few nights ago, but we wished that at least there was a chance for us to get to her beforehand. Maybe if he and I or my mom went into her room for no real reason in the middle of the night, we would've been able to save her. What really struck me when my dad was telling me that was him acknowledging that while he and my mom were watching TV, he couldn't bare to imagine that simultaneously Anaia was dying. I felt the same way, I was awake around 3-3:30AM, and if she died during that time, I was totally unaware scrolling through my phone.
I wish that there was something to be done. During her time alive, and when she started doing street dealt percocets, I warned her about fentanyl, and ultimately I wish she had heeded my warning and stayed off them when she did quit in December. I'm a sociable person, and I'm one of those people that have a wide different variety of groups and friends I hang out with, and I may not be in extracurricular activities but even those that are popular in my school know me. As a result of being so sociable, I know people that do drugs, and only a set few who do percocets, one of my closest friends used to be a heavy percocet user and I used to tell her as much as I did my sister to quit. My friend and my sister quit, but one returned and one didn't. One is still here, and one is not. It doesn't matter how many people I told not to do percocets, of course I would've wanted my sister to be the one to really listen to me. But ultimately, the person I wanted to save the most didn't make it. I've saved others, but with my sister, it almost made my words feel like nothing after she died. No matter however many times I told her to please find something less dangerous and more beneficial, to not risk her life, she kept using and lost her life. Said friend and two other friends of my sister (I know both of them) were also at some point active percocet users, and they told me that they felt it like it should've been them, seeing my mother made them see that that could've been their parents, their siblings, their friends and relatives, etc. I told them bluntly that it in fact could've been them in Anaia's position, I told them that just because Anaia's clock stopping running doesn't mean there's has to, they can avoid being in her position. Then it got me thinking, there's plenty of other people who overdose on purpose, who overdose 9 times, who overdose and suffer long term effects like paralyzation, but still remain. Anaia overdosed once, and that was the final time. I believe in God and Jesus but I'm not a preacher, I believe and keep it pushing but I'm not religiously based. I believe in the concept of everyone having a time and a date, but sometimes I find myself questioning that if that's the case, are we just here to live a predetermined fate that we have no control over? At the end of the day, was I meant to go through this? Thinking like that plagues my mind, but I settle for it being her time to go, as seeing other drug users made me wonder what they may be here to prove on earth that Anaia could not. I don't like questioning others' lives and why they get to live longer, that's not me, and I'm glad they've been granted more chances, it just sucks my sister wasn't granted that chance in the grand scheme of things. Predetermined or not, there was so much she could've lived for, but I believe there's a reason time can't be reversed, and there's many unexplained miracles that somehow eases me into thinking that I shouldn't throw myself into a hole of questioning why she didn't get a chance, and just accepting that her race ended earlier than mine. I believe things happen for a reason, it's an insensitive statement depending on the situation, but things happen for people to learn and grow from them, but no one really knows why. I've just had to come to the conclusion hat my sister is okay, she's safe, and I have no reason to continue to question her life and worry about her if she's not here with me anymore, you feel?
From a brother perspective, it sucks. It feels somewhat lonely, to live and breathe as an only child. I've become accustomed to being an older brother to a younger sister, but I turned 16 without her, and that's how it'll be for the rest of my life. At her visitation on March 30th, I didn't cry, but seeing her body just made me shake my head. She looked very nice, the funeral home did an amazing job, but it hit me that this was really her. There were distinct things I saw that she had in life that made me come to that conclusion that that was what was left my little sister, and at the funeral + burial the next day, watching her being lowered into the ground left my head empty. No thoughts, she watching as her casket covered in a white sheet was lowered into the ground, and that'd be it. I grew up with this person, and now I have to look down on this person and go through life without this amazing person. I never imagine something like this happening, especially not like this. I always wanted to die first because I was older, a thought I feared ever since I was a child. That didn't get to happen, and milestones man. She'll never get to graduate the year after me, never get to have that lovely relationship with that special one that she always wanted, she never got to be an aunt, a mom, nothing. One day, I hope to have children and I will tell them about Anaia, but do I wish they'd have been able to meet her if that time came. Everyday, I walk past her room, sometimes I go in there and sometimes I don't. Two weeks after her death, her mattress was taken out by me and my dad's friend, up until a few weeks ago, her room was left scattered the way it was when she died minus the mattress, and now, everything has been cleaned up. It's empty, and the emptiness is another reality check. I'll never see Anaia again, and in the potential next life I believe I will, but the fact I can't now is a hard concept to grasp. No more walking to the bus stop, no more barging into her room or vice versa, no more waiting forever for her to complete her makeup, no more random room hangouts, no more of her asking me to flash a light for her Instagram pictures for an excruciating ten minutes, none of them. Her physical presence is gone, I come home everyday and instantly the thought of her being gone hits me. Riding in the car with my parents, being at school, going out, it doesn't feel the same knowing in the back of my head she's gone, no matter how much fun I have. Regardless, I've returned to normal life, matter of fact, I started going to school every day instantly after the funeral, and during the two weeks of March 17th-March 31st, I showed up to school here and there. It didn't take a toll to do so, because I've accepted that though Anaia died, I'm still alive? I don't stop when she does, that'll have more of an effect. Life still goes on, time doesn't stop for no one no matter how much I may want it to. I honestly sit my current happiness at like a 6.5-7, higher than one may expect. I still have my parents, my friends, and all of my relatives, an important chunk is just missing but I still have my people. I only feel alone in the sibling aspect, but in reality, people make me happy everyday and still continue to. I joke how I've always joked, people have said I look much better than how I did initially, there's notable sadness on my face, but I look happier. If that's true, then I hope it stays that way. I still go out to these afterschool events, outside friend hangous, they bring joy. I just miss my sister 25/8, but I've learned to appreciate life just a little bit more now. If she's okay, I'm okay.
Lastly, I wanted to mention dreams. People say they have dreams of deceased loved ones all the time, I personally haven't yet, would like to, but until then that hasn't been the case. I'm not talking dreams with the person in them, I mean direct communication dreams. My mother has had two, my dad's friend has had one, and my close friend mentioned earlier has had one, but the one that sticks out the most is my little cousin's dream. My mom has a younger sister herself and in 2018, she had her first child, his nickname is JP. During 2021-2022, me and Anaia lived with my grandmother due to losing our apartment (our parents stayed separately at a grouphome my dad worked at, they work for my grandmother's company), and my aunt as well as JP stayed with my grandma. JP essentially became me and Anaia's little brother that we didn't have, and vice versa for him, he sees me and Anaia has his older siblings. Seeing him seem so heartbroken after Anaia died was very sad, as you can see written on this five-year-old's face that Anaia was someone who truly mattered to him and he was so sad about it. However, in his dream, Anaia came to him and told him she loved all of us, that she regretted not seeing him grow older, and that what happened to her was an accident. The part that got me was that Anaia told him that where she was was beautiful, he asked to see it, and she told him he couldn't see it yet. Kids just don't make things like that up in my opinion, and he worded it very detailed for a kindergartener, and JP is at the age where his words don't conflict with other things he's said, he's consistent with it and he tells me the same thing he told me the first time when I ask him here and then. He can see it one day, but he can't see it, not yet. What that tells me is that if life is so hard, death must be so beautiful afterwards, and that there is an afterlife. Even if I believed in a separate religion, or if my current religion isn't the truth, I will always believe in an afterlife. I refuse to believe that this world is it, and kids just don't pull stuff out their butt in a serious situation. I believe him. If that's the case, then I'll gladly wait. It doesn't matter how many people die during my lifetime, whatever remains of it, and how many new people I might meet in my life. If my hope of living to elder age and I meet someone and create a family, and even if said wife and or children die before me if that plan does happen, there's only one person I wish to greet me. I hear that people see a loved one before they die, and I hope Anaia is the one that comes to see me when it's all over. Forever, no matter who else passes before me, Anaia's will stay the worst, the most impactful, and that's a strong statement to make but I'm sure of that. I have plenty of goals I have for myself, but my end goal once the others are done is to get past 70, pass peacefully, and have my sister wait for me there. I hope that wouldn't be much to ask for.
That's it.

I applied back in December I believe and am just hearing back now for the next steps. I filled out my functioning report but am honestly not confident at all that I will be approved but hoping for some advice to help anyways.
Mainly I don’t think I will be approved bc I have been working simply because there is literally no other option. My partner can’t afford all the bills on his income so I have to work or else we will be homeless. I only work 3-4 days a week as a dog walker. I can’t manage to work more than that and usually end up calling out every other week. In mid February I had 8 callouts for the year. Now I just tell them what I think I can work for the week and I work less on weeks where my symptoms are higher which saves my job but I’m not able to work enough to make ends meet. I’ve only had this job since December and I actually tried to quit a week or so in bc it was overwhelming. I’ve never lost a job bc of my struggles but that’s just because I leave before it gets to that point and I’ve had flexible jobs. I absolutely would have been fired if I worked anywhere else and actually have lost several job opportunities in the last few months because of my lack of reliability despite my best efforts. Some days I can’t leave the house bc my anxiety is so high due to burnout. Other days I’m just so dead exhausted and my body feels like lead. My focus/concentration is shot especially on my period. My memory is terrible, I forget words that have come out of my mouth the second they leave, I forget instructions and tasks.
I have late dxed autism and adhd. I also am currently undiagnosed but think I have pmdd. I hit autistic burnout in 2020 and it’s been downhill ever since but I was only formally dxed last year . I barely have a social life, I struggle to keep up with people. If I do anything besides work and go home I will absolutely slide back into burnout and it’s getting to a point where even the 3/4 days a week I work is too much and I don’t feel recovered by the time Tuesday comes around again despite the three days off and the fact that I don’t do anything during my off time. I feel like I’m drowning slowly but I’m just barely keeping my head above water. I have meltdowns way more frequently and struggle with suicidal ideation and self harm regularly.
I don’t have a consistent dr, I only just got diagnosed last year and the therapist who I was actually honest with about how bad it’s been literally dropped off the face of the earth. I also didn’t have insurance from June -January and then lost it again from January - April. The psychiatrist I started seeing didn’t even believe I was autistic (despite my dx??). I’m not sure what medical evidence I really have to gather. I have super low hopes , but even still if you are going to tell me I don’t have a case please don’t, I’d rather only hear that bia the official way, my crippling rejection sensitivity can only take so much. Otherwise I’ll take any advice.

My 8 year old just recently started having bad thoughts stuck in his brain he states. This started happing about a week ago. It started off slow. He would first come home and tell us what he heard on the bus or what a kid called another kid. He is now thinking of words like "fat" and "ugly" and telling his own mother how she is these things. He tells us he just can't stop himself from telling people what he thinks of them. After telling people these things he feels great remorse and shame/guilt. My wife is very distraught now having him destroy Mother's Day yesterday. I keep asking him why he is doing this, and he doesn't know and can't stop himself. I tried to explain to him that the "bully" inside of his head is tricking him into telling people hurtful things, and he needs to tell the bully to stop. We have reached out to his doctor. He is currently taking medication for ADHD and we are not sure if the meds are causing this or what? We plan on taking him to talk with a therapist as soon as we can. Today, my son told three teachers at school that he thought they were either ugly or fat. Luckily my wife had emailed his teacher to give her a heads up. The last three days have been just hell for me and our family. I am at a loss and stressed out. We just want our silly fun loving son back! Thanks for listening.