Part 5
Gerard, God
Somewhere in time and space
He watched the passers-by as they moved about, following their daily routines, unaware of the fate that would shortly befall them. This was the time that fascinated Him the most. The moments before they finally understood that The Threat was here.
It was a sort of last hurrah, He thought. They didn't know it, but Gerard could nonetheless sense a sort of joi de vivre, a liveliness that simply didn't exist in prior times, and couldn't possibly exist in future ones. He watched mothers dote lovingly over their children, watched children hurl themselves into play with abandon, watched addicts take in their drugs like a drowning man would gulp for air. They might not known that there was no tomorrow for most of them, but they nonetheless seemed to put just a little bit of extra effort into everything.
Eventually, it came to an end, of course. It always did, no matter how many times He watched it. He saw happiness and mundanity give way to pain and suffering. Laughter was replaced by the screams of the dying. Life was replaced by death. The world replaced by destruction.
He sighed, leaving this timeline. He never watched the arrival of The Threat twice in the same timeline. There was nothing for Him to learn that way. His power was immense and total. He only had to witness The Threat once in each timeline to understand it.
Worst of all was the knowledge. The knowledge that He would only be able to save a single timeline. That all others would fall into ruin, destroyed and left to rot away. Only one could survive; the one that He chose. He could stop The Threat only once, for doing so would require Him to remain. Ever vigilant, ever ready to stop any recurrence.
He had to choose which timeline. That task was less than He feared, for now he knew that there were an infinite number of them. He could choose one with the right qualities, one whose nature would aid Him in His work. He realized then that He would, once He had chosen the proper timeline, finally watch The Threat come twice. Once, when He reviewed that timeline prior to choosing. And again, when He would stop it.
And stop it, He would. No other outcome was acceptable. He had already sacrificed too much. His mortality, His life, His happiness, His very soul itself. He had wrought Himself into a weapon, to strike down The Threat, and He would fulfill that purpose, no matter what.
----
Jerry Williams, Godslayer
Nibiru
We were sharks, swimming and darting among a school of fish. Gods and devas fled, screaming in terror as we flew through the swirling, chaotic energies that should have driven us -or at least my wife and daughter- mad within seconds. They had thought that their realm protected them.
Little did they know, we were already mad.
Inanna and I flanked a group of fleeing gods, preventing them from leaving this world, extending their essence into manifested bodies somewhere in one of the countless material worlds, or simply crossing the energy that was the core of their beings into the Spirit World. Here, in Nibiru, our divinities and demi-divinities gave us access to unlimited power. We seized it and wove nets with which to entrap those minor gods who could not find escape elsewhere, and had huddled here in fear of our coming.
As the group fled, we sped up, curving our course, which caused them to curve theirs, fearful of drawing too close to either of us. We moved slowly, carefully, angling them where we wanted them to go.
It wasn't long before the gaping maw of the Grandfather of the Gods came into view. Ixlublotl, the primordial god, the originator of divinity. The gods we herded realized their peril and turned to flee back the opposite direction, but there they found Aaina, burning towards them, screaming in rage and bristling with offensive energies.
Trapped, they had no choice. They attacked us. Emotions and thoughts, energy and matter, all of it flew at us in an orgy of sudden violence that churned the substrate of this world into a screaming chaos. All three of us linked our magics into a shield; a half-sphere of anti-magic that absorbed their attacks, sending the energy of which they were made back into into the swirling chaos around us.
They threw everything they had at us, a desperate last stand, driven by necessity and panic. All of it crashed against our defenses, the resulting streamers of magic filling the space around us with an all but impenetrable cloud. Hidden by that cloud, Ixy closed in.
By the time they realized that it was too late, it was over.
Ixy's physical body, that cloud-wrapped cacophony of maw-stalks, eye-stalks, spider-like legs and whipping tentacles, currently the size of a skyscraper, swept in, mouths snapping up the energies that were the cores of our quarry.
We came together when it was done. Inanna created a haven for us, allowing us to release the magic that held our bodies in stasis and protected us from the wild magic all around. It was a copy of our house, something she'd come up with a while back and shown to me with great pride. I had loved it, of course.
I sank into the loveseat with Inanna next to me as Aaina took the recliner.
"That's most of them," Aaina said.
"About thirty more," I replied. "And then we can start the next phase."
"Do either of you have any doubts about what we're doing?" she asked. I could see the indecision in her eyes. She was so young, and such a good girl. My heart broke at having dragged her into such dirty business.
"No," Inanna answered, her voice hard and confident.
"Yes," I added. "But at the end of the day, this is what needs doing."
Aaina looked back and forth between us, then nodded. None of us smiled.
----
Emily Windham, Wizard, Artificer
Fremont, Nebraska, at the corner of E 4th Ave and N Main St
Emily turned just in time to see the massive troll hit Jim Carmichael with a shoulder, sending the trooper flying before angling at her with no change in speed.
Acting on pure instinct, she conjured a wall of force between them. The troll slammed into it, shattering the magics that held it together with raw force, but the wall did its job, stopping the warrior in his tracks.
Emily snatched the rune-engraved knife off her belt and surged forward, jumping at the last second to put her in range of the troll's huge neck. The blade plunged in, and she released a quick burst of magic that made her legs and off hand sticky, allowing her to cling to the thing, too close for it to use its battleaxe on her.
She ripped the knife out and plunged it in again and again as the barbarian roared in pain and indignation at being hurt so badly by a foe so tiny. Emily grabbed his beard, yanking hard to bring his eyes to hers as she slammed the knife in and twisted, the magic in the blade telling her when it found his windpipe and carotid artery.
Blood sprayed, coating her face and shoulders. The troll's roars were cut off in a gurgling, breathy hiss. He stumbled, then fell. Emily rode him down, her eyes locked onto his, watching all hopes of victory, or even survival, fade from them. She lost herself in those eyes, in the mystery that was this troll's life, ending right before her. She saw the regrets, the crushed hopes, the shame of defeat and wondered at the context.
The impact as they hit the ground broke the spell.
Emily released the magic and stood up, instincts trained into her by the security troops and war wizards making her search for more threats before she could even process what had just happened. But there were no more threats. That had been the last one.
Greg Ramirez walked towards her, his rifle barrel pointed down, hanging from the sling in front of his armor and all the various attachments that he and the security troops referred to as their 'battle rattle'.
"Nice work," he said, eyeing the troll, who continued to gasp for air, the sound of his labored breaths reminding Emily of a pig squealing. She looked down, searching for that orgasmic feeling her bio-dad had so desperately wanted her to share with him, but not finding it. All she found was a sense of satisfaction, yet even that was too much.
Years of therapy, of telling her story to trained clinicians and listening to and internalizing their advice. All of it had helped her make friends and move among the normal people, but it had never erased that feeling of satisfaction. This was the fourth time she'd killed a sentient being, and each time, she felt the exact same way. It was a victory.
Her maudlin thoughts were interrupted by the bark of Greg's rifle. The troll's head jerked and deformed, a splattering of blood coming out as a .277 fury round drilled a hole straight through his temples. She glanced up to find Greg still eyeing her.
"You did good," he said, his expression showing some concern.
"I liked it," she said quietly, her eyes turning back.
"You liked killing him?" Greg asked. Emily nodded, wondering if she'd always be fucked up.
"I killed him," Greg said. "And I damn sure liked it."
Emily turned back, eyeing him with some interest. Greg was, in many ways, the opposite of her. Cool, confident, charming and just all-around well-adjusted. She hadn't ever imagined that he wound enjoy something like this.
"It means I won," he explained. "It means that big, badass motherfucker showed up here trying to bully us, and take whatever he wanted from us, and little old me stood up and said 'no', and when he tried to force the issue, I took his life away. It feels like justice. It feels like one less motherfucker trying to kill me and my friends. Damn straight I liked it."
Emily smiled. She didn't realized she had smiled until Greg smiled back.
"I read your psych eval," he went on. "I know you think you're fucked in the head, but I'm gonna tell you right now, you're not. You're a warrior, that's it. Bloodlust isn't a bad thing, if it can be controlled. Enjoying killing isn't a bad thing, if you're killing the people that need killing. Give yourself a break, girl."
He clapped her on the shoulder, then took the back of her head with his free hand and pressed her forehead to his.
"I'm gonna recommend you be allowed to join the war wizard roster. You're all trained up, you're prepared for it, and from what I've seen today, you're a fucking natural."
Without waiting for a response, he let her go and turned away, grabbing the radio fob on his armor and squeezing it.
"Black Lead, this is Black-Two Actual. All raiders at the target site are neutralized. We're commencing a sweep now, will report back in thirty mikes."
Emily smiled at his back as he walked away. A part of her reflected that he was a natural leader, knowing exactly what to say to her in that moment. Another part didn't care, because it worked. She glanced down at the troll again, and didn't see a victim.
She saw a victory.
----
Kathy Evenson, Professional
Somewhere in the ruins of an ancient city in the Seventh World
Kells shifted nervously as Kathy continued to cut chits from the electrical panel lid with the magical laser emerging from her fingertip. He held his machete, really a short sword, in one hand, and his dagger in the other.
"We really shouldn't be much longer, Kath," he said. Kathy had explained to him the difference between Kath and Kathy, and even hinted at the things she'd done while possessed by Pissface and calling herself 'Kath', and even gone into some detail about how much she hated the nickname. Kells hadn't cared. He simply agreed with her, then continued to call her 'Kath'.
And the truth was, she really didn't mind that much.
She wasn't quite sure why, though she could hazard a guess. The man was disarming to a great degree. He presented himself as a dirty wanderer, a simple, violent man who shouldn't be trusted as far as you could throw him. But within just a few minutes of meeting him, she'd seen the intelligence in his eyes and words. She had seen the integrity in his negotiations with her, and the ethics that had turned him protective when the Searchers had appeared.
And despite that protectiveness, he still managed to avoid being patronizing. When she'd told him how she planned to get his chits, he had warned her of the dangers, then agreed to come along without hesitation when she didn't change her mind. Kells was a good man, she thought, and if a good man wanted to call her Kath, she supposed she could let him reclaim the name from the hell it had once represented.
"It won't be much longer," she said. She already had over seven hundred, and this plate would bring her to eight hundred. She only needed five or six more. This deep in the ruins, there was an untouched electrical box on almost every building. Some had been corroded, but most were surprisingly intact.
As she cut the final strip into chits, a roar sounded. It was a gurgling, rasping roar, unlike anything she had ever heard before. Or rather, the first one had been unlike anything she had ever heard before. This was the third time she'd heard it, and it sounded closer than the last two.
"That's no good sign, right thur," Kells said.
Kathy finished, dumping the little squares of galvanized steel into her bag and standing up.
"Come on," she said. "We'll go a couple blocks away from whatever that was before I cut the next one."
"Aye," Kells agreed, his head swiveling on his shoulders as he followed her down the alley. Kathy took note of how spooked he was. He seemed more nervous here than he had with the Searchers right in front of him. She supposed that might have something to do with the nature of the threats. The Searchers were, regardless of power and reputation, mere humans. Whereas whatever was making that roar was clearly some sort of monster.
She led him six blocks in a direction away from the roar before she stopped to examine the buildings. They had moved into a downtown area, which was one of the reasons she had stopped. The buildings here were closer together, which should make the rest of her task quicker. She found a good cover and ripped the little padlock off, then pulled it open and off its hinges.
A mass of spiders rushed out of the electrical box. She jerked her hand away, but they ignored her, scurrying down the wall and vanishing into the cracks between the bricks, safe once again in enclosed darkness.
She began to cut as Kells again stood watch.
She hadn't even made it halfway through the panel when another roar sounded, even closer than the last, and from a different direction.
"Call it," Kells said. "Call it now, Kath. Better ye collect some more later on than deal with the beast makin' them sounds."
"What kind of beast?" Kathy asked. She kept cutting, but glanced up and around, not seeing anything but filthy, dilapidated alleys.
"Walkers, they call 'em," Kells said. "Like great spiders, but rottin' away, with bones stickin' out an' flesh hangin' off th'legs."
"Great spiders?" Kathy asked. "How big?"
"Bigger'n a building."
"You've seen them yourself?" Kathy asked.
"Only once," Kells said, his voice growing quieter. He seemed to be done speaking for a moment, staring around. But after a few seconds, he continued.
"Friend o'mine, name o' Gil. We used t'work together, he an' I. I were real new to runnin' a caravan crew back then, about ten years back. Gil were an old hand at it, though. Took me under 'is wing and taught me th'roads, as it were.
"Anyways, we'd taken a pair o' contracts. Rough ones, with a tight timetable. Merchants needed t'get to Freeman's Port post-haste. One faster'n th'other. Gil took that one, left me with the easier one, though that weren't t'say it were an easy job.
"We was in Craster's Holdfast at th'time, an smack in between there an' Freeman's Port were an ancient ruin. Big one, 'bout the size o' this'un, in fact. Normally, it took about a week t'travel between the two places, but if one were brave or foolhardy enough, they could cut through th'ruins an' make it in five days.
"Well, old Gil had that in mind. We left together, an' at th'place where ye normally would turn north t'go around the ruins, he led his caravan on straight. I prayed fer their safety that night, but never really believed anything would happen. Gil were an experienced caravaner, an' tougher'n anyone else I'd ever met.
"Two days later, we was walkin' this ridgeline north o'the ruins when somethin' called out t'me. Not sure what, exactly. I started lookin' south, scannin' the ruins, an' sure enough, I found Gil's caravan, walking down a wide road between th'largest buildings. They was movin' at quite a clip, I hav'ta say.
"I were tickled pink, at first. Because we'd made near as good a time as they had, despite movin' almost a day's north to skirt th'ruins. But as I watched, I realized that they weren't just travelin', they was runnin'."
Kells sighed, his eyes distant and full of old regrets.
"That's when I saw one. A great Walker, striding out o' th'deepest part o' th'ruins. The way it moved were like nothin' I ever seen before. It crawled along th'sides o' the ruins themselves, like a spider almost, but always with two or three feet on th'ground.
"It came fer th'caravan, and fell on 'em in a slaughter. I watched it breathe fire down on 'em, stompin' men flat with its feet an' scooping 'em up with its great claws."
He sighed again, then looked down. He tucked his sword under his armpit and used his hand to rub his eyes for a moment, before taking the blade up again.
"Killed 'em all, it did. Erry single one, as I live an' breath. An' when it were done, it went around, stompin' th'bodies flat. Never ate one, jes did all it could t'make sure that not a single survivor lived t'tell the tale. I were shook something fierce, I tell ya. Took me own caravan down off the ridge, t'avoid bein' spotted. We ended up arriving a day late, but to this day, I thank me lucky stars we made it at all."
Another sigh came, and Kathy heard the cracks in his voice as he continued on.
"Not Gil, though. Nor any o'them what worked for him, or th'merchant what hired him. A few years later, I worked up th'courage t'take a couple o'men into the ruins, t'find the bodies. I found bones dressed in Gil's clothes. I took his sword, which had survived, an' is th'one I carry to this day. I think Gil'd be pleased to know his blade had saved me life, quite a few times since."
Kathy finished cutting the cover up and stood to put her hands on Kells' shoulder.
"Thank you for telling me that," she said, her voice gentle. "I can tell it's an important story to you."
Kells nodded and sniffed once, then jerked his head in the direction away from the most recent roar. "I still think we should get out o' here, Kath," he said. "I'll face down the Searchers an' be happy o' a good death, should they take me. But them Walkers... They ain't warriors ye can face an' die with honor. One o'them things finds us, there ain't no fightin' it. We jes' die screaming, th'only consolation coming when it's all over."
Kathy weighed his words carefully. Kells knew this world far better than she did. And while she knew her own abilities far better than anyone here, she had to be mindful not to be too arrogant. Kells had told her how a single Walker had slaughtered an entire caravan of experienced fighters, led by an experienced leader.
"Okay," she said. She handed the bag to Kells. "There should be about eight hundred and fifty chits in there. You can count them out later, and I'll trust your count. After I find what I'm looking for, I'll collect the rest and we'll settle up."
"Good call," Kells said. He tied the bag off to his belt and walked to the corner of the building, peeking around. When he was satisfied, he nodded. Kathy joined him, and together, they made a beeline to the edge of the ruins.
They had made it about halfway out when another roar sounded, this one right on top of them. A rumbling crash sounded from her right, and Kathy turned to see rubble falling to the ground as something massive rose off the ground, two blocks over.
"Stars an' stones," Kells swore, then shouted "Run!"

This is a downer of a post, I’m sorry in advance. I just feel so broken sometimes. I’m just coming out of a period that was better emotionally at first (didn’t get my usual hell week leading up to it) but when the cramps finally did hit they were the worst I’ve had in a few months. Woke me up at 4am after 4 hours of sleep, continued constantly for the next 20 hours straight until I finally managed to pass out. Then went all day the next day. Now I’m trying to claw my way out of the pit of despair and get back on track. I keep getting into fights with my partner, I feel like a disgusting rage monster. I also feel like every month it’s the same routine. Work really hard for a couple weeks to get back on track, have a week of feeling good and normal and stable, then a hell week where it all comes undone. Rinse and repeat.
I’ve been begging doctors to take it seriously for over a decade. Every time they just picked a new hormonal bc to try, despite me saying the pill makes me horrifically bedridden depressed and I can’t take it. I gave up after my last one gave me a “presumptive endometriosis” diagnosis after a clear ultrasound (she tried to tell me “congrats nothings wrong!” And when I pushed she half heartedly said the presumptive endo). When I asked for my medical records later there wasn’t a single thing about endo in there. When I asked for the lap surgery she denied me and said “it would threaten your fertility so what’s the point” despite me never wanting biological children.
Everyone always has suggestions of things to try but I’ve tried it all. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I just want to get off the awful merry go round of pain and constantly battling my own brain. Not in a scary way, no scary thoughts of a certain nature. Just feeling hollowed out and empty
It feels so overdramatic to say that it feels like I have PTSD from the pain but I don’t know what else to call it

I’m 10 years + down the road with R and I’m struggling. I’d love to know how other long term Rs are getting on with issues like this one. Sorry if this is TMI or long.
We have lots that is going good for us, years 3-7 of R were amazing and I felt stronger than ever and in fact, after the tricky first 2 years, until this year I never regretted for a second deciding to R.
We did then hit a few bumps in the road with one of our kids over the last few years and I have been struggling with that because my WH cannot seem to communicate with me at all if conversations feel likely to be “difficult” for him. I work too but in a less financially lucrative role than him since we had the last kids (who were twins) so it tends to be me whose life is organised round his and the family’s needs.
In addition, I did not adjust well when after the pandemic quiet life, he returned to drinking while socialising at work and staying away from home in hotels for work more often. He had minimised this quite a lot after the affair as it was so strongly associated with opportunities he took to have sex with his AP. When he started doing it again it was a trigger for me and his response was one of despair - when would I ever get over this, he was a different man and would not do that again, he’s never good enough etc etc. I end up both apologising to him but also deeply resentful that somehow I’m in the wrong again.
He stopped drinking at work functions for a bit, started again and then stopped again but only because he felt forced to by me being upset, he was very clear that he shouldn’t need to do that. This has never made me happy or reassured me, I now feel pushed into this awful role of the controlling wife when I’m really looking for him to care enough about me not to actually want to drink at work when he’s staying away in a hotel.
I would rather he did what he wanted and we separated but he is very strongly against that and gets quite emotional and sad if I suggest we might both be happier. If I leave, it will be my “fault” at this point because he wants to stay together. Our children don’t know what happened because they were very young at the time and I don’t think that it would be helpful for them but that leaves us in a situation where everyone knows it is me that is unhappy now. I am also frightened to leave because my financial position is unprotected and I feel quite alone in the UK.
My family in NZ would help me but my children are teens/ young adults now so wouldn’t be happy to return to my home country with me. And, fool that I am, I love him, he’s my best friend, when things are good they’re great.
At Christmas we hit an all time low and for the first time I shouted at him in front of the kids about how I feel so abandoned when he can’t talk to me when I am struggling. I felt more and more disconnected from him and started the year in a terrible place crying, lonely and saying how suicidal I felt/ trying to tell him I needed his support with our kids. On that day he didn’t talk to me but he did sit with me and then he just never mentioned what I’d said again.
This is how he treats most of my outbursts of feeling - if I seem distressed enough he might stay with me for a bit of time but he won’t talk about it again unless I do. He might go off and do some random act of service so I kind of know he’s heard but it is hard to focus on that when I want him to talk with me.
Fast forward a week or two and my WH asked to bring a work colleague (also a BW) round on a Saturday for us to give her some emotional support because her mum was away for a fortnight and she was struggling looking after her toddlers by herself, he said she was having such a tough time. She had split up with her WH just before Christmas because he had been having an affair. She lives in her home city and is surrounded by friends and family who love and care for her. She came round and was chatting to me, telling me how it was for the best as they had been drifting apart for a while, that she had been set up with someone by a friend and they’d been texting/ had a date planned. She was not actually by herself, she was going over to her sisters to stay the night and to sit in a hot tub after she’d been at our place.
As I was sitting chatting with her and holding her baby, I had an almost outer body experience where I was at the same time looking down on us talking and also floating above comparing her situation with mine when I was there 12 years ago.
I was alone in a new city where I knew no one except my PIL who had made it clear as soon as we arrived that they didn’t want to offer me any practical support, I had four kids aged 5 and under, my support network of friends were all in the city where we had lived previously, I had lost my job in the move so that my husband could be closer to his parents/ pursue a better job in this city and my father was at the end of his life on the other side of the world a 24 hour flight away.
My husband then began an affair with a younger co-worker and had her round to our house to play with our babies and f*** in our bed while I was home in NZ visiting my family / my sick dad for three weeks. When I got back and discovered what had happened the same day I returned, I had absolutely no one to turn to and only my husband to rely on. He didn’t immediately choose me but thought about it for a few days. He’d planned to go travelling with this woman and had been playing happy families with my babies who weren’t even two years old yet - it felt like he’d been practicing to see whether she would make a good stepmother for them.
I thought about returning to my home, but our initial MC treated me like I was the one suggesting doing something awful to my WH and I never felt ok pursuing that then. My PIL and SIL were not unkind, but they had not supported me before so it was hard for me to turn to them in the circumstances. I had no one. It was the most terrible time of my life and I did try to take some pills one afternoon after drinking too much.
In the day we had his colleague round, I kept thinking, would I have stayed with him if I had been around family and friends. I was also so hurt that he could see her struggles and ask me to help her but not ask me if there was anything he could do to help me. Since then I seem to be locked in a trauma kind of response, crying, reliving stupid details I haven’t thought of in 10 years, checking AP’s work situation etc (pain shopping) and I haven’t slept through the night in months.
I have also been upset for a couple of years by the lack of communication between us as I associate him having had the affair in the first place as a response to my being low when I was in a new city/ had lost my job/ looked after our twins and a toddler on my own all day/ my dad being diagnosed with terminal cancer. He struggled to deal with how I was feeling and withdrew from me, found his AP who was more able to meet his needs/ fun to be around.
This is what emerged in MC, that he couldn’t cope with emotions due to FOO issues. This means I really struggle to voice my feelings in a way that gets me the support I need now because he has withdrawn from me over the last two years during issues with our child and I am fearful of being too much for him again. I know I do it badly, I wanted MC to help me learn better ways of communicating too, not just to deal with how he withdraws from me.
I asked my WH to go to therapy with me a couple of times over the last two years to deal with the communication issues but he didn’t want to do MC because he said he felt unprotected in the two sets of MC we had in the early days.
I have also asked him if we could try just checking in with each other once a week but he is always unwilling and there is always a reason but it boils down to he doesn’t want to do it. He has said it feels forced and as if he has to say something other than he’s fine. He has also said it’s too difficult with his work/ our lives to predict when he’s free. Most recently he has said he’s asked his friends but no one else has to do that. I have said it’s what I need, a regular space where we talk about how we are going. Our MC suggested it 10 years or so ago and I have never stopped wanting that or raising it. However, it’s like this thing in his mind that it would be negative or difficult so he just doesn’t do it except once or twice when things get difficult again. Which then reinforces that it is a negative space. There were a few times we did it a year or so ago where it felt companionable to me so I was devastated when he just stopped because work got difficult for him and needed all his attention.
I feel I am at the bottom of his priorities after the kids, work, meeting football team parents, his parents, work colleagues. Am I mad to ask for that space once a week for an hour together?
Also we have one day of full on intensive therapy planned (a compromise to fit his schedule/fears about traditional MC) and I hope to talk this through with him again there but I am starting to wonder if we are wasting our time/ money.
I don’t know if I’m looking for support or a wake up call but I’d love to hear from long term people in R who have faced similar issues.

Need support or listening ear
So my d date was 7th of april. Our son was 11 months at the the time. I am 34 year old female and he is a 34 year old male. Weve been together since we were 17. My partner had a traumatic childhood but never went to therapy for it. The last 4 years he has been up and down moodwise, almost depressed at times but also had very happy times. We decided for a child in our happy time. Bear with me, english is not my native language.
The year our son was born was a hard year. Felt like he didn't really stood by me. A real difference from the pregnancy. Our son was sick alot in the winter with virus after virus. I breastfeed. Alot of the care especially at night came down to me. I feel like i may have had a mild post partem depression due to alot of stuff and not alot of support from his side. Our intimicy was low, the pregnancy was hard, recovery after the birth, and sex was kind of painful afterwards. I also was very tired and over stimulated by being touched all the time by our son. He wanted more intimicy but never really had a serious talk, just cynical jokes. Ofcourse i kind of neglected my partner but not intentional.
The night of the 4th/5th of april our son had to be hospitalized because of respitory issues due to rs virus. I stayed the night in the hospital with our son. We got released the next day, medication helped and he no longer had saturation dips. He told me a few days before he planned to go see friends on the 6th but told me the morning of the 6th he would be staying over. He never gave me a reason not to trust him but I told him i found it weird, he never slept at a friends house in 17 years and i felt like he should have discussed it with me, not just tell me since our son was sick. He said he needed a night to relax with his friends but would think about coming home. (Prior to this he asked me to buy pineapple, i did t buy it) he also asked me to make him a lunch before he went which i did. He texted me during the day and i asked him in the evening if he would come home. I felt lonely. He said no, give me a night for myself. I told him he was being shady. He said if you think I am thats your problem.
The next day he came home and when I was trying to pay for our daycare (i had acces to his email account because the invoice comes in his email) i see a digital trainticket to a different city his friends live. He gaslights me when I confront him. When I showed him more evidence and said his sweater smelled like womens perfume he still didnt cave. I was crazy. Once i made him swear on our son he said yeah i met a girl but it is friendship, slept on the sofa, i just stayed overnight because its a long trip. Nothing happened. Gave me her contact info. She is christian and swore on god nothing happened. I tell him we need therapy cause its not normal to hide a harmless friendship and i am not comfortable with this friendship. If he shared it with me she would have been welcome at our home. He agreed. Said he would cut off contact.
Fast forward a few days later he is being sneaky with his phone. So i confront him about the contact. After another round of gaslighting he admits there are feelings, the met up twice and had been physical also several times. He took a day off work to meet her. At the time he was drunk. Things got heated i told him he has to stop it now and he says no i am allowed to talk to whomever i want. I packed my bag took or son the next morning and told him i needed time away and he should think about what he is doing.
I stay at family who supported me. He keeps on texting me he missed me and wanted another shot but wanted to end it with her on his terms because he promised her he would give her an answer in a few days (keeps protecting her but not me, atleast thats how it felt like). I said it either ends now or i wont come home and we end. He ends it with her but while I am back home he is acting like a real a hole. Mad at me, keeps going back and forth on staying together. I am toxic, i made him do it. It was bad between us for years (it really wasnt!) I buy books about surviving infidelity but have a hard time letting the conversation go with him. Felt like he still wasnt truthful.
But we did end up having intimicy 3 times in a few days. Which was suprisingly good (why???) And made me feel wanted and like we were working on things. The end of april I had to work. I work in a residential setting for people who are suffering from mental health and are mentally disabled. I buy sexy lingerie (online) while working and get off early because some of the residents are at their parents house.
When I come back home he acts all weird. Why are you home early (not like happy to see me). I find this behaviour weird so the next morning when he goes to work i log into his computer and find disgusting messages and confirmation she had been at our house the day before and with my child while i had been working. We had missed each other by five minutes.
I go crazy, called him called her. She is ten years younger then me. She just laughed at me, was real evil acted like he was the love of her life.
He came home (i got a bit physical when he came through the door, not saying it was the right thing to do but i was so angry for him putting our child in that position, never been physical before nor do I intend to). The one thing that i have to protect. He knew I didnt want her near our child and he promised me she never was and she was also never at our house. (I doubt this now) but he knew how big of a thing that was for me.
He sees me getting a break down (also good to know his family already knew about some of the stuff and were angry with him for gambling with his family) and then says he cant go anywhere and calls the ap. I tell him if you go there dont come back tomorrow. You can go anywhere but not to her house. She picks him up. My mom and sister in law had to come because I was a wreck. When he is there he keeps om texting do you want me to go to a hotel, but if I go to a hotel i want to come back tomorrow. I say you have to do what you have to do for yourself, i am not making your decisions. He stays there for a week. Keeps on texting me he dreams about me.
We have our own house so after a week he comes back Cant deny him acces, its both our house.
He says he is suicidal, wants a chance. Please you are the love of my life etc. I say i cant give him garantees there is alot of stuff happening but ofcourse 17 years of being best friends, there are alot of feelings.
After a few days home he goes back to her for a few days. Tells me he wants to break it off but takes 4 days!! They did break it off but he is still in contact because she is doing bad mentally because of his decision and he feels responsible. He says to me I want you to commit at this point or else I wont cut off contact even though theyve broken up. I say i cant commit at this point because this all just happened and we need counseling and i cant garantee him if he and I are gonna work out.
Yesterday i caved, and we were intimite again. Why am i this stupid?? Maybe it was the love bombing, the way he was looking at me. But to me it felt like ok, maybe there still is enough love to work this out. Then his ap send a card here which said that he was her man etc. He didnt tell me about the card but did throw it out. I found it. He is still in contact with her and still says he will only cut her off completely when I say we are going for it a 100%. Which to me is crazy, how can I say that at this point?
We got into a fight again about the card about him still being in contact despite being broken off. About him being more protective of her needs than mine (she is hurt, she is not doing well, if I break off conract now she might do something)
And i am over here thinking, what is wrong with me. Why do I fall for his bs, and also what is keeping me here. Why do I still have a hard time letting go when he doesnt want to fully commit unless he has certainty.
I swear we had a great relationship before our kid. Sure we had our issues every now and again but we always had fun and i always felt like I was his home and he was mine. I am so sad my best friend is like a different person. Who recognizes these feelings???

I may have missed some more recent (late 2023-24) declarations, so let me know if I should add anything I've missed.
Stugotz personal record book. Sorry if the links are expired on some things. They're old.
[Time Stamps] Started to use them in late 2019. They may not be exact based on what podcast app or service you use. But they'll be close.
I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS:

FOOTBALL

(1) UCF is the 2017-2018 national champion.
(2) If Kirk Cousins goes to the Jaguars and not the Jets, no championship he wins will count in the personal record book.
Note (2)(a): Still pending sort of since Kirk is with the Vikings now – possible in future he could go to Jags.
(3) Eli manning has 1 ring. He doesnt get one for throwing a ball into David Tyree's face / Tyree getting a football stuck in his helmet.
(4) Carson Wentz has a Super Bowl 52 ring.
Note (4)(a): Foles does not have a Super Bowl 52 ring.
(5) The Raiders defeated the Patriots in their divisional playoff matchup in 2002 (Tuck Rule game), and then would defeat the Rams in Super Bowl 36.
Note (5)(a): In this scenario also, Bill Belichick was also "fired and looking for a job" after the Tuck Rule game and has 0 rings.
(6) If the 2017 Patriots won Super Bowl 52, James Harrison would not have a ring (Patriots lost to Eagles).
(7) Peyton Manning has one ring (Broncos ring does not count).
(8) Peyton Manning must give such ring he lost (above) to Von Miller, who thus has 2 rings.
(9) Aaron Rodgers can have all the rings he wants for keeping all of central Wisconsin employed.
(10) Brian Billick has 0 rings (2000 Ravens Super Bowl) because that defense carried him.
(11) Tony Boselli is a Hall of Famer.
(12) Tarik Cohen is an honorary Jew.
(13) JuJu Smith-Schuster is also an honorary Jew. L'Chaim.
(14) Drew brees has three rings for winning the super bowl for the city of New Orleans.
Note (14)(a): There was discussion on this where the number started at three, went up to five, came down to two, but it ended up at three.
(15) Mike McCarthy has no Super Bowl rings.
Note(15)(a): Dan also has this in his record book, and it is the first entry into the Le Batard Personal Record Book.
Note 15(b): In fact, McCarthy has -3 (Negative three) rings.
(16) Any Super Bowl rings Antonio Brown gets with the Patriots will not count in the Stugotz personal record book (9/9 Weekend Observations National Hour 2).
(17) Ohio State's 76 to 5 victory over Miami (Ohio) on 9/21/19 does not count.
(18) Due to Bill Belichick's 219 wins with Tom Brady, Bill's week 7 2023 victory over the Bills was actually his 81st victory and not his 300th victory.
(19) The 2002-03 Miami Hurricanes actually won the Fiesta Bowl/BCS National Championship game against Ohio State.
(20) If JJ Watt joins the Texans for the 2024 season or later on, none of the Super Bowl rings will count in Stugotz's personal record book

BASKETBALL

Kevin Durant
(1) If Westbrook wins a championship and beats Kevin Durant along the way in the playoffs, Westbrook will have won 2 championship rings.
(2) "STRAP IT ON BOYS, GONNA TAKE YA FOR A RIDE:"
Kevin Durant has 0 rings (Zero rings)
Kevin Durant has -1 rings (Negative 1 rings).
Kevin Durant has -4 rings (Negative 4) (As of 4/11/18)
Note (2)(a): This number is subject to change based on Stugotz altering rings to the "-4" current total. Specifically as seen recently when Stugotz adjusted the number from (i) 0 rings to (ii) -1 rings to (iii) -4 rings.
Note (2)(b): Here is a tweet transcript of the conversation where this was discovered.
Archive link
(3) If Kevin Durant wins an NBA title for the NY Knicks, he will gain 11 rings.
Note (3)(a): As seen above in "(2)," Kevin Durant has -4 rings.
Note (3)(b): [Math] If Durant were to remain at -4 rings, and subsequently win an NBA title for the Knicks, he will have 7 rings total. This was specifically stated (-4 + 11 = 7), and a question about a non-specifically stated Personal Record Book entry is posed below in "Note (3)(c)(i)."
Note (3)(c): If the Golden State Warriors had won a championship playing 3 on 5 with Kevin Durant, Kevin Durant would have 1 ring.
Note (3)(c)(i): [Confusion] I am unsure if "Note(3)(c)" means he would gain +1 ring, and therefore be "up" to -3 rings total. Possibly, Stugotz means if the Golden State Warriors had won a championship 3 on 5 with Durant, Kevin Durant would be at +1 rings total (Positive 1 rings).
(4) Kevin Durant's dagger in Game 3 did not count, because according to Stugotz, none of Durant's stats count. KD's official statline last night was 0/0/0 and the Cavs blew the Warriors out by 40.
(5) Anything Kevin Durant has done with the Warriors so far is not in Stugotz' personal record scroll.
Note (5)(a): Stugotz did not take his feathered pen and write anything in his scroll (King Roy approves).
(6) Westbrook has ALL of KD's rings.
(7) For every time KD says he doesn't give a BLEEP, Stugotz adds 2 "I do give a BLEEPS" in the personal record book.
(8) Per Dan, speaking on Stugotz' behalf, Kevin Durant has no Olympic Gold Medals (9/18/19 National Hour 1 @ 00:07:50).
Michael Jordan
(1) Jordan has 9 rings because:
(a) The Rockets have to give their 2 rings from 1994 and 1995 to Jordan (+2); and
(b) The Bulls would have won the 1999 Finals over the Spurs if Jordan didn't retire (+1; 9 total).
Note (1)(a-b)(i): Put LeBron's rings in a box and put Jordan's rings in a box. Jordan is +6 by the way over LeBron box-minus, despite box-minus sounding like a dumb stat.
(2) Michael Jordan was suspended for 2 years for gambling (Said 4/25/18 Hour 2, 14:30 in podcast).
Note 2(a): HOWEVER, MJ still has 9 rings as see above in (1)(a) and (1)(b).
(3) Any game Michael Jordan played wearing the uniform #45 does not count.
LeBron James
(1) If LeBron James goes to the Golden State Warriors, every Championship he wins will result in a deduction of 2 previously won championships.
(2) The Miami Heat LeBron teams were the GREATEST teams in the history of sports (5/7/18 Local Hour).
(3) The Miami Heat LeBron teams were also the MOST INTERESTING teams in the history of sports.
(4) If, after the 2018 NBA Playoffs:
(a) LeBron does not make it to the finals and the Celtics do; and
(b) The Houston Rockets do not make it to the finals and the Warriors do; and
(c) LeBron goes to the Houston Rockets for the next season, THEN
LeBron is allowed to win rings that count in Stu's personal record book.
Note (4)(a-c)(i): HOWEVER, Harden & Chris Paul - if they remain on the Rockets with LeBron on the team - are not allowed to have any of the rings won with LeBron count in Stu's personal record book.
Note 4(a-c)(ii): To quote the big man Stu (with Dan agreeing of course), "Do it on your own” (Dan agrees here).
(5) If LeBron wins an NBA Championship with the 2018 Lakers roster (as of 7/23/18), then that wins counts for 6 rings.
Note (5)(a): Thus LeBron would have 9 rings.
Kyrie Irving
(1) Kyrie Irving hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals History, but was only in that position because of LeBron James. Kyrie Irving, did hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals history that won everyone on that team a Ring, except for you (Kyrie). (3/9/20 Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 07:00).
Note (1)(a): Stugotz: "A little revision to the uhhh Stugotz Personal Record Book that I'll come around to writing...or Mike will." I'M WRITING IT YOU IDIOT MORON JACKAL
Misc. Basketball
(1) The Houston Rockets have 0 (Zero) NBA Championship victories.
Note (1)(a): See "Michael Jordan (1)(a)" for reasoning.
Note (1)(a)(i): [Restated Reasoning] Michael Jordan is actually in possession of those 1994 and 1995 Rockets rings because Michael Jordan would have won those championships if he stayed in Chicago.
Note(1)(b): [CONFLICTING HOT TAKE] Stugotz has also said Jordan didn't get the Rockets' rings because he was actually suspended for gambling.
Note (1)(b)(i) NEEDS CLARIFICATION PLEASE. Stugotz keeps going back and forth. In "Michael Jordan Note 1(a)," the opposite of "Miscellaneous Basketball Note (1)(b) is stated because he has gone back and forth on this issue.
(2) Steve Kerr has no rings as a coach. In fact, he has never even coached a game.
(3) Mychal Thompson (Klay's dad) has no rings. (Said on Zach Harper podcast).
(4) Clyde Drexler no rings (Said on Zach Harper podcast).
(5) Giannis Antetekoumpo is pronounced Yani Adababoombo.
(6) As long as James Harden has his beard, he cannot win any championships.
Note (6)(a): If the Rockets win a ring, then the ring goes to the beard.
(7) Lamarcus Aldridge cost the Spurs game 2 of the 2017 Western Conference Semifinals, even though they won.
(8) If the Sixers happen to win a championship, Sam Hinkie gets a ring.
(9) Chris Paul has NOT made a Western Conference Final since he had to join the Rockets to do so.
(10) Michael Jordan winning the NBA Finals in 1999 also means that Tim Duncan only has 4 rings instead of 5 rings.
(11) The Warriors only have 1 ring
Note (11)(a): Durant still has -4.
(12) Boogie Cousins cannot win a NBA Championship and have it count if he does so with the Warriors.
(13) Billy Donovan was the NBA Coach of the Year in 2017 (12/13/17 @ 28:10 Hour 1).
Note (13)(a): The Thunder blowing the 3-1 lead to the Warriors that year had nothing to do with Donovan. It was Durant's fault.
(14) The OKC Thunder actually did win the WCF against the Warriors in 2017 when up 3-1.
Note (14)(a): This does not apply to Durant though.
Note (14)(b): The Thunder also beat whoever they would have played in the Finals. Durant still no ring.
(15) Embiid has his 2023 MVP taken away and given to Jimmy Butler.
(16) Caitlin Clark's NCAA all-time scoring record still belongs to Pistol Pete because unlike Pistol Pete, Caitlin didn't do it in 3 years and she did it with a 3 point line.

BASEBALL

Babe Ruth
(1) Babe Ruth is black.
(2) Babe Ruth never hit a baseball. Not once.
(3) Babe Ruth is the number two black baseball player of all time behind Barry Larkin.
(4) Babe Ruth is NOT a top 20 Baseball player of all time. He's a pitcher.
Note (4)(a): However This is somewhat confusing/interesting because:
(i) Stugotz has said "Babe Ruth is the number two black baseball player of all time behind Barry Larkin; and"
(ii) This MUST mean Stugotz can only have 1 black player in his top 20 Baseball players of all time Barry Larkin; because
(iii) The only way this can work logically is if in the list of greatest players #1 through #20, only Barry Larkin is on the latter top #1 through #20 list. I would like some clarification on if he wishes to change this take/record.
(5) Babe Ruth is also not a top 20 pitcher of all time.
Misc. Baseball
(1) Stugotz has declared that in his personal record book, Baseball no longer allows pitchers to hit (Stated on 05/03/2018 @ 12:38:52 P.M).
Note (1)(a): Excludes Bartolo Colon, and Shohei Ohtani.
Note (1)(b): You are either a pitcher or a hitter. Not both.
(2) If the Dodgers won the 2017 World Series Clayton Kershaw would not have had a ring.
(3) Wade Boggs DOES have a ring because he rode around on a horse with a beer afterward.
(4) Clayton Kershaw did not win an MVP award because the award for pitchers was already given, the CY Young award.
(5) Miami beat LSU in the 1996 College Baseball World Series.
(6) The 1986 NY Mets did not win the World Series against the Boston Red Sox.
Note (6)(a): This "pains" Stugotz.
(7) The Red Sox retroactively winning the 1986 World Series may result in taking a ring away from the Mets.
Note (7)(a): Stugotz has to think about it though, he's not sure yet.
(8) Bryce Harper did not win the 2018 home run derby because he cheated.
(9) Kershaw's Earned Ring Average (ERA) is 0.00.
(10) Mike Minor (Rangers Pitcher) does not have 200 strikeouts in 2019. He's at 199 (National Hour 2, 10 mins 40 seconds in).
Note (10)(a): Chris agrees too. And who really cares (15% on poll do care).
(11) The 2020-2021 Mets, during the Coronavirus outbreak, are 0-3 and Jacob deGrom is somehow 0-1 with a 0.00 ERA and 1 complete game. The deGrominator. (Google Podcast 3/30 Hour #3 @ 19:20)

HOCKEY

(1) Ray Bourque doesn't have a ring.
(2) Alex Ovechkin may or may not have won the Stanley Cup against the Vegas Golden Knights.
Note (2)(a): "I mean he beat an expansion team . . . bunch of players nobody wanted" (We get the sense that Dan agrees).

TENNIS

(1) If anyone wins a major in Female Tennis without Serena Williams playing, it does not count and they have 0 rings.
(2) If Maria Sharapova wins a grand slam in which Serena isnt competing it doesnt count.

GOLF

(1) If Jason Day wins the 2018 Masters, it counts as an American winning (as far as bets are concerned).
(2) Vijay Singh did not play in the 2018 Masters.
(3) Steph Curry did not win the 2023 American Century Celebrity Golf Championship Tournament . Mardy Fish was the real winner.

SOCCER

(1) Lionel Messi is stripped of all his achievements for using HGH. He never played soccer. He is still 5'1". "Fraud."
(2) Soccer is dead.

NCAA DIVISION 1 WOMEN'S LACROSSE

(1) Rachel has more rings than Kevin Durant

MISCELLANEOUS

(1) Aqua?
(2) Rings plus-minus is the only way to measure greatness.
(3) The HBO Andre the Giant film was good, not great, and Stugotz didn’t learn anything.
(4) Benoit Lecomte (guy they interviewed) can not and will not swim from San Francisco to Tokyo in the personal record book because he is most likely taking a dip for a few minutes then coming back on the boat and enjoying some filet mignon by the pool.
Note (4)(a): "Do it without a yacht. And how about ya do it without the little magnetic field around you that keeps sharks away. How bout that. Allows dolphins through though? Anyway.."
(5) Justify (the Horse) only has a double crown.
Note (5)(a): This is the first ever double crown.
(6) Tango and Cash is in the action movie Hall of Fame. and Cliffhanger has the greatest 5 minute intro of any movie of all time.
(7) Maximum Security (a Horse) won the 2019 Kentucky Derby.
(8) Fruit Stripes Gum is NOT a 1st Ballot Hall of Famer in Stu's "Gum Hall of Fame." (08/12/2019 Hour 2 @ 15:25).
Note (8)(a): "It loses it's flavor so quickly"
Note (8)(b): Also, "[...] Bazooka...1st Ballot Hall of Famer." Also, "Big League Chew..1st Ballot."
(9) Chris Cote owns all intellectual property rights to the "Friends" (TV Show) Movie with a misleading preview that eventually has a climax leading to an intense murder mystery. (10/29/19 Hour #2 @ 03:15).
Note (9)(a): "If they make this without crediting Cote, they're stealing it."
(10) That guy killed the pigeon (12/10 Hour 3 @ 08:20).
(11) Billy owns the record for world's longest Plank (2/25, Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 30:55).
Note (11)(a): Possibly in just the Non-Marine edition.
(12) Zach Buchanan won a Pulitzer Prize for his story on the Madison Bumgarner / Mason Saunders rodeo fiasco (2/28/20 Hour #2; Google Podcasts @ 21:35).
(13) Findlay the Golden retriever holds the Stu Gotz Personal Record Book record for most tennis balls held in a mouth at one time by a dog at 6 (2/11/2020)
(14) Ace Davis (The kid who "proved" Tom Brady was cheating with science) and his fathefamily are heroes (4/1 Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 18:50).
(15) Dan did NOT do more push-ups than Domonique Foxworth (Dan did push-ups on a non-linear platform) (4/28/2020 Hour # 1).

SPORTS MEDIA DREAM TEAM™

Sourced from Google Podcast; 05/06/2020, Hour 2 @ 09:00
(Head Coach) Ernie Johnson - "When you look over to the bench, what you need is someone to stand tall, someone who is confident, someone who is competent, someone who has all the credibility -soaked in credibility - when you have the Head Coach of the Sports Media Dream Team."
(1; Point Guard) Mike Greenberg - "Doesn't really want to answer the big questions, but has no problem distributing those questions to other people who are happy to answer them."
(2; Shooting Guard) Stephen A. Smith - "Never met a topic he doesn't like. Short memory, doesn't care, Greeny could throw him anything and Stephen A. is gonna run with it even if he knows nothing about the topic. That is how it works. Stephen A. is the greatest of all time."
(3; Small Forward) Chris Fowler - "A do it all guy. Studio show? Great. Play by Play? Even better. Can do everything."
(4; Small Forward Replacement) Maria Taylor) - "Need Play by Play, need Sideline, need Studio Host - she can do it all"
(5; Power Forward) Dianna Russini - "You need some crazy, some don't mess with us, someone to tear someone's head off in the event that they come after one of us."
(6; Power Forward Replacement) PFT Commenter - "He just comes in and acts crazy, throws his arms and hair around, and give ya 5 to 10 really crazy minutes."
(7; In honor of the Chicago Bulls, Stugotz needed a Wennington, a Purdue) Scott Van Pelt - Dan debated whether or not SVP should be on the Sports Media Dream Team™. That's what he's doing.
(8; Bench Player w/ No Position Specified) Doris Burke
(9) Teased...

Patch Note Site

System Changes

Reviving

• Time Before You can Start Reviving your Ally: 11-8 seconds (based on round, 8 seconds at round 11) ⇒ 12-8 seconds (based on round, 8 seconds at round 11)

Matchmaking

• Ranked will be enabled starting this patch!
• MMR will be soft reset, especially if above Gladiator MMR
• Improved matchmaking for new Arena players

You deserve a celebration. Hats off (or on) to you!

• High-stakes rounds now grant hats to the winning team
• Eliminating a team now grants hats to the winning team

Miscellaneous

• Arena God Title Required Wins: 168 ⇒ 60
• Right clicking augment or anvil selection cards no longer selects them
• Champion Select now always randomizes pick order within each team

Cameos

Jhin

Jhin was a bit too good of a sniper, often becoming frustrating to deal with because of how reliable his damage was. In this patch we're reducing his missile speed, and angle of attack to make his shots much easier to dodge, but still something you can take advantage of in combat.

• Missile Speed reduced from 8000 ⇒6000
• This should be easier to dodge, and manageable with boots
• For context Jhin (champion)'s R Missile speed: 5000
• Jhin would sit behind the team with more team health ⇒ Jhin Cameo now sits at a 90-degree angle of both teams, regardless of how much team HP they have

Augments and Prismatic Items

Augments

We've made many improvements to the rules behind what augments you are offered. We're not going to go into explicit detail here, but our goal is to reduce the chances you'll get an augment that you literally can't use. And allow certain augments or items to add augments to your pool.

It's fun to make things big. Your clones should be big too.

• Size adjustments now apply to clones. Goliath, Mad Scientist, and RaidBoss now grant their size adjustments to clones. This stacks with Minionmancer.

Prismatics

We've heard your pain when rerolling your prismatic and still not getting something you feel you can build around. So we've increased the odds that you'll get a Prismatic tailored to your champion/class. We still think there is plenty of room to adapt when you get something other than your ideal pick, but we want to reduce the frequency of worst-case scenarios where you spend multiple rerolls and can't find something interesting or playable.

Balance Adjustments

Augments

We're making several adjustments to augments this patch now that we've had some time to watch you all creatively push their limits. First, we're increasing the critical strike chance on certain augments to match the item changes while also slightly nerfing them to compensate. Second, mages and fighters are quite strong right now, so we're bringing down their power through various nerfs to their popular augments such as Spellwake and Raid Boss. Lastly, we're buffing and nerfing outlier augments that either need the help or are currently too strong.

Augment Buffs

Orbital Laser

• Maximum Health Damage: 20% ⇒ 30%

Earthwake

• Physical Damage: 125-2000 (+ 135% bonus AD) ⇒ 125-2000 (+ 150% bonus AD)

Accelerating Sorcery

• Ability Haste Per Cast: 9 ⇒ 10

Quantum Computing

• Base Damage: 100-250 ⇒ 200-350 (based on level)

Augment Adjustments

Vulnerability

• Critical Strike Chance: 20% ⇒ 25%
• Critical Strike Damage: 50% ⇒ 45%

Tank It Or Leave It

• Critical Strike Chance: 20% ⇒ 25%
• Max Defend Chance Based on Critical Strike Chance: 60% ⇒ 50%
• Damage Reduction: 25% ⇒ 20%

Soul Siphon

• Critical Strike Chance: 20% ⇒ 25%
• Heal Percentage: 15% ⇒ 12%

Jeweled Gauntlet

• Critical Strike Chance: 20% ⇒ 25%
• AP To Critical Strike Chance Conversion: 5% ⇒ 4.5%

Augment Nerfs

Spellwake

• Magic Damage: 40-250 (+20% AP) ⇒ 40-200 (based on level) (+20% AP)

Raid Boss

• Stat Increase: 50% ⇒ 40%

Holy Fire

• Maximum Health Percent Burn: 7% ⇒ 5%

Rabble Rousing

• Heal: 5-90 (+1% maximum health) ⇒ 5- 60 (based on level) (+1% maximum health)

Thread the Needle

• Armor and Magic Penetration: 25% ⇒ 20%

Wooglet's Witchcap

• Needlessly Large Rod AP: 150 ⇒ 120

Firebrand

• Maximum Health Damage per 5 seconds: 2.5% ⇒ 2%

Champions

For champion balance, we're helping out some of the worst performing champions in Arena like Aurelion Sol, while nerfing some of the best like Illaoi and Brand. Our buffs are mainly focused on helping these champions function in a way that feels better in the mode without significant increases in damage, such as letting Gnar charge his mega form faster. For nerfs, we're targeting outputs that are quite strong on Arena, such as Swain's power during his ultimate (since it's harder to get away from him) or some of Brand's hard to avoid damage. We're also taking this opportunity to nerf some healing/durability in the mode as it's too high (expect a larger set of changes soon), hence the Illaoi and Swain healing nerfs.

Champion Buffs

Gnar

• Passive - Tired After Transformation Duration: 8 ⇒ 5 seconds
• Q Cooldown: 18/16/14/12/10 ⇒ 14/12.5/11/9.5/8 seconds
• Q Mini Form Slow: 15/20/25/30/35% ⇒ 25/30/35/40/45%
• Q Mega Form Slow: 30/35/40/45/50% ⇒ 40/45/50/55/60%
• E Cooldown: 18/16/14/12/10 ⇒ 16/14/12/10/8 seconds

Blitzcrank

• Passive Shield Cooldown: 30 ⇒ 20 seconds
• W Slow Duration: 1.5 ⇒ 1 second
• W Bonus Attack Speed: 30/40/50/60/70% ⇒ 50/60/70/80/90%

Aurelion Sol

• Stardust Stacks Per Round: 26.66 ⇒ 40
• W Cooldown: 22/20.5/19/17.5/16 ⇒ 15/14/13/12/11 seconds

Irelia

• Health Growth: 124 ⇒ 136
• W Cooldown: 20/18/16/14/12 ⇒ 16/15/14/13/12
• R Cooldown: 125/105/85 ⇒ 40 seconds

Champion Nerfs

Galio

• Q Base Damage: 100-280 ⇒ 70-210
• W Passive Shield: 10-20% maximum health ⇒ 7.5-13.5% maximum health

Zed

• Q Damage: 80/130/180/230/280 (+130% AD) ⇒ 80/120/160/200/240 (+130% AD)
• R Damage Stored: 30/45/60% ⇒ 25/40/55%

Swain

• R Damage Per Second: 20/40/60 (+10% AP) ⇒ 20/30/40 (+10% AP)
• R Heal Per Second: 15/27.5/40 (+ 18% AP) ⇒ 12/22/32 (+ 18% AP)

Brand

• Passive Percent Health Damage: 1.75% ⇒ 1.5%
• E Magic Damage: 60-180 (+60% AP) ⇒ 60-180 (+45% AP)
• R Magic Damage: 75-225 (+25% AP) ⇒ 75-175 (+25% AP)

Illaoi

• Passive Heal: 3.5% Missing Health ⇒ 2.5% Missing Health
• Q Tentacle Damage Increase: 5-25% ⇒ 4-20%
• W Cooldown: 4 ⇒ 6 seconds

Lillia

• Passive Maximum Health Damage: 5 (+1.25% per 100 AP) ⇒ 4 (+1.25% per 100 AP)
• Q AP Ratio: 35% ⇒ 30%

Items

Similar to one of our goals for augment balance, we're nerfing many popular mage and fighter items to get them into a more balanced state. We're also giving Decapitator some generic power, increasing Hamstringer's critical strike chance to match the item changes, and adjusting Sanguine Gift so more strength is in its most unique effect. Lastly, we're including a nerf to Guardian's Horn to limit how durable champions can be early game.

Item Buffs

Decapitator

• Adaptive Force: 70 ⇒ 80

Hamstringer

• Critical Strike Chance: 20% ⇒ 25%

Item Nerfs

Cruelty

• Ability Power: 100 ⇒ 80
• Passive Health Ratio: 5% ⇒ 4%

Innervating Locket

• Ability Haste: 25 ⇒ 20
• Ability Power: 80 ⇒ 70

Reality Fracture

• Voidgrub Damage: 10 (+ 10% AP) (+ 5% AD) ⇒ 8 (+ 8% AP) (+ 4% AD)

Horizon Focus

• Ability Power: 100 ⇒ 80

Liandry's Torment

• Ability Power: 70 ⇒ 60

Guardian's Shroud

• Health: 350 ⇒ 300

Sundered Sky

• Heal AD Ratio: 130% ⇒ 110%
• Health: 400 ⇒ 350

Eclipse

• Melee Maximum Health Damage: 8% ⇒ 6%

Divine Sunderer

• Melee Max Health Damage: 5% ⇒ 4%

Guardian's Blade

• Health: 300 ⇒ 250

Guardian's Horn

• Incoming Damage Reduction: 15 ⇒ 12
• Health: 350 ⇒ 300

Item Adjustments

Sanguine Gift

• Damage Store: 10% ⇒ 15%
• Ability Power: 90 ⇒ 80

14.10 SR Item Changes for Arena

Many item changes from Summoner's Rift have been moved to Arena with a few exceptions:

• Zephyr: Removed from the Shop since its new form doesn't function as well in Arena compared to Summoner's Rift.
• Statikk Shiv - Slightly different passive that should be more functional in Arena. Passive: On Attack, fire chain lightning that deals 90 magic damage, hitting up to 6 targets (6 second cooldown).

Arena Bugfixes & QoL Changes

QoL Changes

• Improved Replays camera navigation when following a specific team.

Bugfixes

• Fixed an issue where players could not spectate games of Arena from the friends list.
• Fixed the Loading Screen ranked borders from properly updating when clicking to different teams.
• Fixed an issue where certain movement triggering spells (Zeri W, Poppy R) could path champions to a spot outside of the arena.
• Fixed end of game screens properly displaying your placement.
• Lee Sin + Chauffeur: Casting on your ally now correctly grants a shield and breaks the tether.
• Pyke + Chauffeur: Now allows Pyke to Dash with his W.
• Dematerialize now correctly grants 30 Adaptive Force when taken as the second augment.
• Phenomenal Evil now correctly grants Ability Power when taken as the second augment.
• Spirit Link now assigns the correct amount of damage to the ally.
• Fixed many instances where Force of Entropy could allow opponents a frame of action when critting knock ups/knock backs.
• Mirage Blade now reduces the cooldown of item actives that are dashes.
• Fixed an issue where Moonflair Spellblade was unintentionally giving attack speed.
• Fixed an issue that prevented icon images from displaying and instead showing debug text.
• Fixed an issue that caused Jhin's Cameo mark icon to be missing the image and displayed debug text.
• Fixed an issue that caused the homeguard icon to show an invisible icon when interrupted.
• Fixed an issue that caused Moonflair Spellblade to trigger off non-fully charged Zeri passive attacks.
• Fixed an issue that prevented the Turbo Chemtank slow debuff icon from displaying.
• Fixed an issue that caused both debuffs icons from Hamstringer to not display.
• Fixed an issue that allowed Profane Hydra's passive cleave to remain after selling the item.
• Wooglet's Quest will now correctly give a Needlessly Large Rod so long as there is an open item slot.
• Fixed an issue that caused the Hold Very Still augment to display debug text in the description.
• Fixed an issue that caused Gragas to gain extra stats after using his W after casting his R twice with Ultimate Revolution.
• Fixed an issue that prevented Stridebreaker's passive from working.
• Striderbreaker also had a couple of tooltip issues, we fixed those too.
• Fixed an issue that caused Serpent's Fang to display an incorrect tooltip
• Fixed an issue that caused Kraken Slayer to display incorrect stats
• Fixed an issue that allowed Divine Sunderer to stack with multiple spellblade items.
• Turns out if you have the Conqueror rune then take Circle of Death, Symphony of War, and From Beginning to End it could cause an infinite damage loop and then cause a server crash. We fixed that.
• Fixed an issue that caused Rek'Sai's Q tooltip to display incorrect information.
• Fixed an issue that prevented the Earthquake augment from triggering when casting certain blink abilities.
• System Changes

Two years ago, I had just moved to a new house from a different neighbourhood for work. I was settling in and getting used to the place, but I was still lonely and went through bouts of depression.
My ex-boyfriend of five years had ended the relationship a while before I moved, and I wasn't having much luck going on dates. I eventually decided to focus my energy into work and fitness instead, but the loneliness lingered. The house still felt empty at times, and the silence was painful. I went through the motions numbly as the days passed by.
About two months after I had moved in, I started noticed a stray dog pacing around my front yard from time to time. It had big, brown, sad eyes, and there was no collar around its neck. I couldn't tell you what breed it was - a reverse Google image search tells me it looks like an Indian Pariah dog. I could always recognize it, as its left eye was slightly larger and darker than the right, but that gave it some unique charm. After seeing it outside my front door for three days straight, I put up some posters along my street inviting anyone who might have lost a dog to call me. I quickly learned that I probably shouldn't have done that, after getting a few silent calls from an unknown number that I eventually chalked up to being a prankster or some scammer.
I called a local animal shelter and them pictures of the dog. A guy came over to scan the dog for a microchip, but found nothing. He said it was most likely abandoned as a puppy. He could take it back to the shelter, or I could look after it for the time being - they would contact me if anyone ever tried to claim it. My grandad had a german shepherd that I used to love playing with, so I always had a soft spot for dogs and agreed to look after it, even if it was for a while. The guy from the animal shelter advised that if I didn't hear back in a week, I should take it to the vet to get it checked out and microchipped, or to the shelter if I didn't want to keep it.
I took care of the dog and let it roam around the living room, with free access to the back yard. I decided to name him Charlie, and purchased more dog food, a labelled dog collar, some brushes to groom him with and dog toys. The nearest vet was a two hour drive away. Work was busy so I wasn't incredibly flexible for a visit, but I managed to get an appointment booked in two weeks' time.
The first night I spent with Charlie, I realized that he might just be what I needed in my life. Late in the evening, I sat on the couch looking at him, sitting quietly in the middle of the room on my wooden floor. I began talking out loud to Charlie. It seemed stupid at first, but the way he sat quietly and listened was comforting. After a while, I got more into it, and vented about my loneliness and frustrations to the point of tears.
How I stayed with my cheating, gaslighting ex-boyfriend because I was too insecure to be alone, until he dumped me. All my failed dates, and how I thought I would die alone and unloved. I poured my heart out to my new companion, spilling my deepest secrets until I cried myself to sleep. The next day, I again began talking to Charlie about the pain and depression I had been through, and he listened patiently once more. I discovered that spending time with my new friend was cathartic. Perhaps I needed to get it all out, and be listened to for once, even if not fully understood.
The third day after I had taken Charlie in, I woke up to realize that I'd overslept half an hour. I poured some food into Charlie's bowl and brushed my teeth at lightning speed, then grabbed my bag and flung the door open, ready to bolt into my car. A surprise greeted me at the front door, that made me stop.
There was a bouquet of red and pink roses on my front door step.
I picked it up and looked at it, confused. There was no note attached or anything. I couldn't think of who it would be from - I obviously hadn't been on any dates recently. Being late for work, I didn't have much time to ponder, so I dropped the roses back on my doorstep and drove off. During the drive, I panicked for a second at the thought that it could have been my ex, but then realized he didn't know my new address, or even that I had moved. The mystery bugged me all day at work. When I came back home, the roses were gone, so I assumed someone had accidentally left them at the wrong address.
That night, I woke to the sound of creaking. As I opened my eyes slightly, I saw something at the foot of my bed and bolted upright, adrenaline rushing through me. As the fogginess faded, my heart rate settled a little.
"It’s just you, Charlie," I sighed, "you scared me."
Charlie continued to stare at me from the foot of my bed. After a minute, he stood up and left the room. I didn't think much of it, and fell back asleep.
For the next week, I continued the usual ritual of talking to Charlie before I went to bed. I would talk about my day, my plans, hopes, dreams and other such things. I found our one way conversations getting more positive each day - they were very therapeutic. Charlie would always stare at me with those big brown eyes and sit quietly still as I talked.
On the morning of the vet appointment, for which I had taken the day off work, I noticed that my car was much cleaner than usual. Had it always been this shiny? I thought. I had driven it to work the Friday before, but I hadn't taken notice of how clean it was then. The last time I had, I could swear there were bird droppings on the back window, and some general grime that covered it all round, but it was now spotless. I pondered for a few seconds, and came to the conclusion that it must've just be a brain lapse on my part - it was probably always clean. Those droppings must have washed away over time with a few rainy nights.
I drove Charlie down to the vet and explained the story of how I'd found him.
"He's very well behaved," she beamed, as she began examining Charlie on the table. "We see a few of these cases from time to time. People's dogs have puppies, and they get sold or abandoned."
"It's a real shame," I sighed. "Charlie's been a star, I'm lucky to have him really. I live alone, so as odd as it sounds, I've been talking to him and it's helped me through some difficult moments."
"That's not strange at all," replied the vet, checking his teeth. "Owning a dog can do wonders for your mental health, especially if you live alo-"
She suddenly stopped.
I stared as she squinted and moved Charlie's head up and down, trying to get a look at something. She plucked a light out of her pocket and aimed it into Charlie's left eye.
"What's wrong?" I asked. She didn't answer, and kept looking at Charlie from different angles. He whimpered slightly.
"Did his eye look like this when you found him?" She asked. I leaned in closer.
"Yeah, I did notice his left eye was slightly darker and larger than his right."
She looked at me for a second and raised her eyebrows, then back at Charlie.
"I'd like to get a closer look at his eye and examine it in the next room, if that's okay?"
"Uh, sure," I said, confused.
Without further explanation, she hastily picked Charlie up and carried him off into a different room. I sat down and waited, reading the news on my phone, expecting her to be back in a few minutes. However, when the vet didn’t come back for a while, my concern began to grow. I paced around the room and tried to glance into the door she had left through a few times.
Then I sat back down and watched the minutes pass by, getting more anxious. Hopefully it's nothing, I thought to myself. An easily curable eye infection perhaps, or a defect he was born with - hopefully it was something like that or nothing. I'd only spent a few weeks with Charlie, but he was the best friend I'd ever had. I had told him so much about me, and he was the only one that had ever really listened to me. I had grown very attached to him quickly, so I almost felt like a worried parent, blaming myself for not bringing him to the vet sooner.
An hour and a half passed, but it felt like eternity. The vet finally came back through the door. I stood up.
"Everything okay?" I asked.
"Have you noticed any odd events recently?" she asked, "Like, anything you couldn't explain?"
"To do with Charlie?"
"No, just in general. Anything you've seen or heard around you that felt out of place in your life?" She insisted. I took a second to think.
"I'm pretty sure this isn't gonna be relevant," I said, "But I have a couple of times. For instance, this morning I thought my car was a lot cleaner than usual. I've been getting some unknown calls, and hearing some creaking noises at night lately, but I'm sure it's just Charlie walking around and waking me up. And… someone left roses on my front doorstep one day. Didn't say from who, but… Sorry, I'm not sure why I'm even telling you this."
I looked up at the vet, who now had a very concerned look on her face.
"I'm going to have to call the police," she said.
It took a few seconds to register. A million thoughts started racing through my mind. Did I say something wrong? Did she think I was abusing Charlie?
"I swear," I said, "Everything I've told you is true, I'm really sorry it took me so long to bring him in, it's my first time owning a dog and all…"
"No, no, it's not that," she said. She gestured for me to follow her into the room through the door.
Charlie was sitting on a table in the middle of the room. There were a few other tables surrounding it, with dog toys and surgical equipment on them. There was a large hole where his left eye had been, now a gaping black cavity.
The vet pointed at a sheet of blue paper on a table next to the one Charlie was on. There were two black domes resting on it, like two halves of a black ping pong ball had been split in half. A clear fluid was covering the outer sides, and staining the blue paper. There was also a tiny black cube. I looked closer, and saw some red and green wires coming out of the tube.
"I took this out of Charlie's left eye," the vet explained, "I thought my eyes were fooling me, but I took a closer look and was sure this thing definitely shouldn't have been in his head. When I took it out, I thought it was some kind of prosthetic eye, until I heard something moving inside it. I opened it up, and found this."
She pointed at the tiny cube and picked it up with some tweezers, revealing a transparent circular window on one side.
"Now I'm no expert, but I took that apart just now and to me it looked a lot like the inside of a camera lens you'd get on a smartphone."
She looked back at me.
"Do you think…" She paused.
"Do you think it's possible someone could have been watching you for the past few days?"
The police were eventually called and an investigation started. The tiny device inside Charlie's eye was indeed a camera lens with a built in audio recording device, and it had a wireless connection. It was an advanced piece of kit, but with some technical expertise they were able to examine its traffic logs and identify an IP address to which the miniature device was streaming.
That IP address belonged to my neighbor, who lived in the house opposite to mine.
I had never seen him leave the house before, although when I moved in I did see his silhouette in the top floor window a couple of times. He was a fifty five year old balding, slightly overweight man who worked as an engineer, but otherwise lived a reclusive lifestyle. I later found out that he had multiple restraining orders placed against him from ex partners. He had a collection of tiny bugging devices which he had been planting in various places including public women's bathrooms for years. These devices could livestream video and audio to his computer, and in his spare time he would watch and listen to this footage he collected.
A while before I moved into the house, he had purchased a puppy from someone he knew, and kept it as a pet without registering it. I assume he got bored of spying on women in bathroom stalls, and when he saw me move into the house opposite, he suddenly got a wild idea of how he could get a peek at something more intimate. The rest is some truly horrific history.
Charlie had been in my room while I slept and even a couple of times while I undressed. But worst of all, I had told him everything about me. The names of previous partners, things about my family, companies I had worked for and more. I wish I could say that I kept Charlie, but I just couldn't. Not after that. The vet arranged for him to be sent to the animal shelter where I'm glad to say he eventually did find a new home. I also relocated and changed my phone number.
For anyone out there wondering, I'm still single. The difference is that nowadays, I'm completely at peace with being alone. I've experienced a worse alternative, that's for sure.

Genocide looked to the sky. He thought of his mentor. The one who had saved him. He remembered his childhood. How powerless he was. He remembered the anger. He never wanted to hurt anybody. He thought of all the times he showed compassion. How much they hurt him for it. He saw the world before him, a graveyard. Humans. People that were supposed to be made in the image of some divine creator. They were but maggots feasting upon his remains. They ate away at his very being until nothing human remained. His thoughts were no longer his own. He had no joys in life that mattered. He hated humanity more than he could love anything about himself. He remember his first killing spree. Being gunned down by police. Left for dead. He remembered a hooded figure moving towards him. Getting closer the more he neared his death. He saw its pale face. Its impossibly black eyes. It was a man. This figure in question appeared to be of Japanese nationality with long, straight, loose hair. It emanated extreme malice. It offered him a choice. A purpose. Power. He thought the figure a reaper but it identified itself as Amakusa Masataka. Masataka guided him on how to kill and gave him specific locations to kill people in. In a sense, he became a hitman for quotas of people. He inquired what Masataka was. The presence of evil, his ability to appear and disappear at will, how he could control what people could see him and what people couldn't. While vague, years of killing for this being offered some insight. Amakusa Masataka belonged to a group of people not of this world. His people had been corrupted by a dark force long ago and had aligned themselves with the warlord who had subjugated their version of Japan. Their dark high priest assisted the warlord along with two others. These four rulers in turn served a larger order. The four were tasked with bringing about the end of the current world as an act of retribution for some fallen deity. Masataka's people acted as covert operatives for this empire. They were feared across the land and were collectively referred to as "Shinigami". An agent of the coming apocalypse, a servant of evil possessed by the will of those gods of death, Genocide would walk the earth.
Genocide stepped toward the station. A police cruiser rammed into him. He pulled out a knife and stabbed the hood of the car. The inhuman force of the knife created sparks which burst the engine into flames. The car crashed into a streetlight and exploded. A second cruiser neared the scene. No way a man could have done this. Yet still, out of the fires Genocide strode forth. It set upon the second vehicle, shooting out it's tires while jumping 9 feet into the air. The car tries to reverse but crashes into a wall. Genocide lands on the hood and kicks through the front window. Glass shatters under its boot, blinding the two officers inside. Genocide shoots one of the officers with a shotgun, killing him. The second officer in the passenger seat readies his pistol and takes aim. Only two shots fired, both directed at Genocide's head. It casually cocks its neck to avoid them. Then it grabs the officer's arm, breaking it. Genocide uses its free hand to grab the officer's head and bangs it into the dashboard no less than 5 times. The skull is shattered on the final impact. Genocide jumps off the car and continues on his mission.
Detective Evans speaks through a megaphone," This is your first and final warning. Stand down or we will use any and all means at our disposal to put you down." Genocide dropped its shotgun and raised its hands. A group of five SWAT team members rushed out the station, surrounding Genocide with riot shields. An officer accompanies them, edging behind the figure to apply handcuffs. Suddenly, Genocide springs to life , grabbing the officer behind him. He flips the officer over his head, slamming him into the pavement at his feet. Then Genocide stomps his head causing it to burst. Genocide drops a flash bomb from his coat sleeve, blinding the SWAT team as he draws his knife. He drives it into one SWAT member, the knife puncturing the shield and piercing his chest. Genocide kicks the corpse away withdrawing his knife. He goes to another, this time using the end of his boot toe in a rising kick to disarm their shield. He grabs them by the throat and drives the knife slowly into their eye socket. Another is tackled to the ground and beaten to death despite still being under the shield. Another is picked up and thrown into the fires still burning from the first auto incident. In no time, Genocide stood before an indistinguishable mass of gore, blood streaking across his black leather outfit. He laughed" So this is all you can give me. I'm not entertained." Officers took aim from the station windows, and snipers did so from other rooftops. Genocide laughed maniacally as he was rained down upon from all sides by a hailstorm of bullets. His body convulsed, but he did not fall. Moments more and he was on his knees. Still though, their efforts were futile. Gracia looked out and saw a black mist coalescing around the man in black. His blood. Blood erupted from his body only to transform into this dark mist that reentered his wounds. Genocide screamed. No. It was just an elevated pitch in his laughter. Optimism failed everyone yet again. Gracia saw Genocide holding something in his right hand. She could only make out a beeping red light. Genocide pushed the button triggering the carefully concealed explosives he laid in preparation for this event. C4 explosives went off in all the places he saw fit. The sniping posts he couldn't reach. The assault of lead lightened. Then Genocide drew an RPG from...somewhere. He collected himself and fired at the station's entrance. The explosion shook the station. From inside, the lights began to flicker. Communications were down on all fronts. Had he modified the rocket with some type of EMP? Not good. Amisdst the confusion Genocide entered using smoke bombs to mask his presence. Moving like a shadow, he killed everyone in the lobby silently with his knife. He made his way to the holding cells. Still they chanted. Still they praised. Still they raved for the arrival of genocide. Genocide shot the lock opening the cell. Jim Jimenez walked out and bowed before his master. Genocide smiled. He couldn't have imagined how proficient he had gotten with possession. Well, not quite possession. He had known of the Shinigami's ability to share their thoughts and emotions with humans. Shinigami like his mentor were ancient. They had so many years of memories, such strong a hatred for life that they overwhelmed the personality of the victim. The victim sees themselves as one of them. Shinigami can't force the will of the victim, so they find those who are already similar to them in some way. Genocide found the collective universal distrust of police to be a prime sentiment to capitalize on. He armed the inmates, infecting them with samples of his own dark essence.One particular inmate caught Genocide's eye. He knew the man's work. An arsonist. The one whom he recalls was responsible for blowing up his first car way back in high school. Rather than a standard firearm, Genocide gave the man a random assortment of grenades containing a special surprise. Genocide showed them visions of anarchy, of sending a message to a society that used and disregarded them. While this was also true of how he felt, years of living in darkness had changed him. He needed no purpose. No end goal. No justification. He just wanted to watch the world burn.
Genocide's small army broke off to engage several different wings of the station. Genocide went to the security room. He found Wayne, his informant, playing some FPS on one of the monitors. Wayne took of his headphones and asked," You kill everyone yet?" Genocide responded," No. You should get going before that happens. Your life becomes fair game if I run out of pigs to cook." Wayne clapped his hands, "Aight, GC my man, say less." He packed his things and left. Genocide drew a twin pair of handguns and laid waste to the station. He followed a group that took cover in the men's restroom. Kicking open multiple stalls he was surprised to find...nothing. Where had they gone? He turned around and saw his mentor, Masataka, smiling at him. It looked like him. Long, dark hair, black clothing, and soulless, empty eyes. But it wasn't. It was Genocide's own reflection in the mirror. Genocide smiled. He didn't notice the changes at first. They must have happened gradually. Subconsciously. From the final stall, an officer sprung into action, rushing Genocide, hitting him point blank with a shockgun round. Genocide felt the tingling sensation electrifying his body and grew numb. In spite of the pain, he took a single step. Then, another. He came within striking range of the officer and snatched the shockgun. Two more officers erupted from another stall, battering him with baton strikes. Genocide felt nothing. He clutched the shockgun in his hand like a bat and went to work pulverizing his attackers. An officer kicked in the bathroom door, a woman holding a pistol. She fired multiple times to no effect. Genocide stood covered in blood. He even let her reload. Twice. He wanted to see her despair. Her hopelessness. He walked towards her, shrugging off bullets as they pierced his body. His wounds healed nigh instantly due to the dark essence he had been imbued with. He held her face with both hands, lifting her body off the ground. As she screamed, he used her head to shatter the restroom mirror, running down the full length of it while smashing her into it at several points. He dropped the remains of what he held, washed his hands with soap, dried them, then exited the restroom.
The inmates that rallied for the cause of genocide attacked the station. Fortunately, they were nowhere near Genocide in terms of power and only carried one type of firearm each. They shared his healing ability but could be killed quite easily. Gracia encountered a sniper on the end or a west wing hallway. Other officers waited behind corners unable to get close. Gracia noticed the faulty lighting. In this hallway, the lights flickered in intervals of 3 seconds. Finding a pattern and timing her movements, she rushed the sniper at the exact moment the lights went out. Running the length of the hall, Gracia zigzagged, dodging the sniper inmate's bullets. She jumped on a wall, ran 3 feet on it, then kicked off it, pouncing on the assailant. She fired five shots into him, making sure to hit the brain and the heart. Two severe injuries that were impossible for Shinigami essence to heal simultaneously. Elsewhere, Evans took on another escaped inmate. A vehicular arsonist named Carson. Carson had a bag filled with an assortment of different grenades and was happily giving them out like candy on Halloween. "A flash bang here, a bit of tear gas there. Oh. Wait! Was that an ice grenade? Did the explosion freeze your leg to the floor? Whoops. Maybe a fire grenade will melt that for you. Hold on let me get one fore you," Carson rambled gleefully. Evans looked at the carnage before him. Officers burning. Officers partially frozen in blocks of ice. He took a breath and aimed his wristgun. He steadied his right forearm. Carson readied to throw a random grenade. Evans shot it the moment it left Carson's hand. The grenade exploded directly in front of Carson. Both Evans and Carson looked at each other in shock. Confetti. A party grenade? Carson quickly fumbled for another but was tackled and restrained by several officers. Meanwhile in the South wing, Lary had some colleagues set a trap for another shotgun toting inmate. He had them bait the inmate and flee. Giving chase he turned a corner and ran straight into Lary's fist. The inmate recovered and motioned to shoot Lary. "Let's tango. " Lary gave the code word. Nearby officers activated a device. A signal jammer of sorts. The inmate shoved the barrel of his gun into Lary's gut and pulled the trigger. Nothing. The special signal jammer in question was designed for firearms. It was a last resort as it left officers just as defenseless. Lary was having fun. He boxed the inmate in hand to hand combat. Despite the inmate's enhanced strength, Lary's technique pulled through. Lary ducked under one of the inmate's wide punches and did some type of rising uppercut where he jumped off the ground while spinning. One of the other officers whispered" The rising dragon." Lary smiled giving a thumbs up" Yeah, it was a rising dragon uppercut. Saw it in one O my kid's vidya games. Thought I'd try it out while I'm jacked on adrenaline".
Jim Jimenez looked long and hard at himself in the mirror. He was in the women's restroom. Some brainless woman had broken the men's restroom mirror with her face. For the first time in a long while Jim could think clearly. He was becoming sane. At the least he was no longer a raving lunatic. The life essence of the dark gods had healed the wounds to both his body and his mind. He saw his face, his scraggly dirty beard. He found a razor and shaved. He trimmed his beard somewhat. He liked it. He washed his hair. It fell down his face like silk, no longer greasy. His bloodshot eyes once burning with crazed intensity had cooled. He blinked. Just for a second, he saw the man known as Genocide. The man that attacked him. The one that killed him and gave him new life. The drug dealers. The police. They were all the same in his eyes now. They were all to blame for the world being what it is. Jim wanted to hate them. He wanted to take revenge, but he felt nothing. It didn't matter. He knew he was wronged, could logically justify acting against them, but he just didn't care anymore. About anything. He was finally free. Sensing his presence was no longer needed here, Jim vanished into the night. He needed to find someone who had had the answers he needed. Himself. Who had he been? Who was he now? Who could he become? Where was he going? So many questions to ponder indefinitely. So much time left in the rest of his life.
Genocide ran down the station's halls raining hailstorms of bullets upon its occupants. He had a handgun in each hand as well as a wristgun on each wrist. This effectively gave him 4 separate firearms that he could use simultaneously. Lary regrouped with Gracia, Evans, and a handful of others. They radioed all surviving officers near Genocide to flee to the roof. This plan had been set in motion days before the assault and had been kept hidden from most of the force. The plan involved scheduling flights for several helicopters to arrive at some point after Genocide arrived. There would be no way for him to prepare for them and pre-scheduling their arrival ensured they arrived regardless of if they were called or not. Lary and the others set about preparing the second jamming device. Genocide stood among a hallway of bodies. He saw one man clinging to life trying to crawl away. He decided on trying that other thing he saw his master do. He grabbed the dying man and pinned him to the wall. Slowly he drove a knife into his chest. As the man's life slipped away, something else entered his body. Genocide channeled a small amount of his essence into the vessel. He had steadily done this with other casualties around the station whose bodies were somewhat salvageable. He dropped the body he was holding and looked upon the others. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, his eyed were black, both sclera and iris. The scene before him changed. Genocide had a vision. He saw a dead gray wasteland littered with bodies. These people however weren't cops and wore traditional Japanese attire. In his hand wasn't a gun or knife but a short sickle akin to a farming tool. He heard a dark voice call out to him. Slowly, the corpses around him began to rise, now mere puppets bound eternally to their master's whim. The bodies sold to the reaper who had claimed their lives. Genocide's vision ended. His eyes had returned normal. Around him, dead cops began to rise. His dark essence had entered their bodies and reanimated them. He sent his dead army to attack the officers fleeing to the roof of the station. These zombies swarmed the stairwell giving chase to the few survivors. There were five of them. They had two flights of stairs to climb and a horde of their former colleagues close behind them. One officer tripped and was set upon by the horde. The zombies didn't bite them but held them firmly in place. The other four officers stared down wondering what to do. They could hear Genocide chuckling. They could hear humming. They could feel the temperature rising. Their colleague and the two zombies holding him were hit by an enormous green fireball. Genocide had fired a Magnum Opus and had charged the bullet to level 3. The Magnum Opus was simply a magnum that shot fireballs, with bullets that could be charged by holding down the trigger. It had three levels of charges. Level 1 was a small reddish ball of plasma. Level 2 was slightly larger and yellow. Level 3 was the maximum charge and resulted in a large slow moving green blast of energy. The officer was ignited and Genocide watched gleefully as the force of the blast sent him flying through a wall. The four officers continued up firing occasionally to slow down the zombies. Soon they made it to a door leading to the roof. Before one officer could reach it, he was sniped by Genocide, a bullet to the head killing him instantly. The remaining three made it out. They regrouped with the others already there, 12 in total, including Lary, Evans, and Gracia. This would be their final stand. They just had to hold out until Genocide made it up there. They just had to keep Genocide occupied until the helicopters arrived. Genocide slowly ascended the stairs behind his horde. On the roof, the remaining survivors faced off against waves of the undead. Evans recognized the attackers. These zombies were being controlled by nanomachines. He heard the stories of several weapons encountered by soldiers on the battlefield. These creatures were called Metaldeads as they were reanimated via machines. They had been officially banned by most of the worlds' governments for being unethical. However, this did not stop the technology from being spread still between shady organizations, terrorists, etc. Evans wondered how Genocide got this form of nanotechnology. Evans long speculated that the dark essence used by most of the killers they encountered was a a form of nanotech however it was different from anything else he had seen or heard about. The dark essence seemed to be an amalgamation of other types of nanotech. Evans had to save his inquiries for later. He reloaded his wristgun and took aim at the approaching group of Metaldeads. Gracia steadied her handgun and shot two Metaldeads in the head. From the single door countless arms seemed to spill forth from the darkness. The other officers took turns firing in intervals. this allowed them to create a steady stream of fire where no more that three guns needed to be reloaded at once. The horde seemed to thin out over time as if they were making progress. In actuality, the Metaldeads were just making room for Genocide to enter. Genocide exploded in a sprint from the door. Everyone fired upon the killer. Genocide had now chosen a wrist mounted mini flamethrower to use as his weapon. He stormed past the oncoming bullets taking some damage, but refused to slow down. He unleashed a stream of fire that caught five of the officers in one fell swoop. Gracia fired five rounds into Genocide's face. He stumbled back. Lary took the chance to fire several mine gun bullets at Genocide's feet. The mines quickly detected his movement and exploded. In seconds, Genocide was on his back.
Staring at the night sky Genocide saw the moon. He reached for it. He called for the darkness to give him more power. His wounds began healing. In the sky he could hear the whirl of propellers. There were six helicopters in total. The first two had evacuated the survivors while the others stayed to engage Genocide. Genocide got up and unstrapped the sniper rifle from his back. He stood before the searchlights as a black silhouette, cornered but unwilling to back down. Lary stared down at him smiling. "Okay!" He shouted, "Let's Tango!" Upon this declaration the second jamming device was activated. Now, isolated on the roof, Genocide's guns couldn't be fired and the helicopters were out of range of the device. Now Genocide stood like a sitting duck. A helicopter fired a rocket. Genocide side stepped and grabbed it. He turned his body redirecting the rocket to hit another helicopter. As it exploded Genocide drew his knife and threw it at another helicopter. Behind the knife was such force that it shattered the helicopter window's glass, embedding itself in the pilot. This helicopter too went down where it exploded. "Holy clucknuggets!Did you see that!?" Lary said dumbfounded. Evans looked out the helicopter door he was in jaw open in shock. "There's no way." He collected himself quickly and radioed the remaining two helicopters to keep moving and to use their machineguns as much as possible. The helicopters reigned down upon Genocide tearing apart his body. Shreds of leather and darkened blood sprayed across the pavement of the roof. Gracia watched as Genocide's body was destroyed repeatedly as it tried to heal. Surely he had to stop at some point. After 10 minutes the helicopters had exhausted their cache of ammunition and soldiers opted to fire their own rifles and occasionally throw grenades. After about six minutes, they too had run out of bullets. Genocide stood unfazed. He had long since healed himself and now appeared intangible with gunfire seeming to pass through his body. His coat once ripped , now appeared whole though on closer inspection seemed to writhe. Gracia looked in horror as she remembered the tales her adopted father had told her. Tales he had in turn heard from his predecessors. Every so often officers had reported encounters with ghost like beings cloaked in a cloud of living dark mist. The beings were rumored to be responsible for the deaths of multiple people ranging from scientists, veterans, mafia, politicians, etc. They were seen near such crime scenes and even more shockingly appeared around several sites where suicides were committed. These beings were reportedly impervious to bullets and filled anyone who got near with an impending sense of dread. If Genocide was connected to them or somehow turning into one , there was little chance they would be able to defeat him. Gracia's fears were confirmed when she saw that Genocide's leather coat had been destroyed and he had replaced it with the dark mist coalescing from his own spilled blood. The dark mist, swirling, grew larger and several tendrils sprouted out from it. Gracia could briefly make out a figure standing next to Genocide. A hooded figure cloaked in the same black substance. The figure stared up at her with soulless, blackened eyes which seemed to beckon her to jump from the aircraft she was standing in. Compelling her to give in to the death that plagued the earth. Genocide kneeled to his master. The Shinigami, Masataka stared down at his disciple. "You have done a great service to us. Even now the sealed god stirs in its slumber. Its...Awakening will soon be upon us. It calls out for war. It begs for famine. It longs to continue its conquest. We are the death it so desires. The death that is necessary for this civilization to grow. Use the power that I have bestowed upon you. Finish the mission as you see fit." The Shinigami vanished and Genocide stood.Genocide stared at his hands. He remembered the first killing spree. He was on a bus. It stopped. A woman got on the bus and walked to the back smiling as she passed him. Something about her eyes unnerved him. They were so bright but something dark reflected inside them. He ignored the thought and put in his headphones. In minutes he had dozed off. He jumped awake. He looked around and froze in panic. All around him, everyone had been hacked to pieces. He saw the driver, actively being stabbed by a masked assailant. The mask, painted white with black eyeholes, stared back at him. It raised a finger over where its lips would be. Even under the expressionless visage, he could feel that same smile. He ran home that morning. He went to his room to find it destroyed. His posters, his computer, his tv, everything, had been ruined. He turned around and saw a man at the end of the hallway holding a sledge hammer. "The hell you been, boy?", his stepdad sneered. The man dropped his hammer and walked closer, veins pulsing with rage. He tried to explain how his car had caught fire forcing him to walk 4 miles to the nearest bus stop, but the man's fist was faster than his words. "Boy!Answer me when I talk to you!!" the man says as he backhands the taste out of the would be Genocide's mouth. He took that beating for several minutes before being left to stare at his ransacked room. He hated how his stepdad went out of his way to destroy the things he loved. Soon, another set of footsteps could be heard. It was his mother standing behind his locked door. She didn't knock, or say anything. She just stood there, doing nothing as always. He never knew if she came to talk to him or apologize. All he knew was that she could never bring herself to speak to or even acknowledge him. Maybe out of guilt or perhaps shame. A year or two later after he had had enough he ran away from home. Living out on the streets alone, without friends, or family, he would embark on countless killing sprees. These killings weren't of his own volition however. He was coerced by some corrupt officers from The Unit. They made him kill on their behalf. Sometimes they were protesters, sometimes they were drug dealers, other times, petty criminals they couldn't be bothered to process. It was routine for him to be used to kill entire houses of drug riddled addicts. During one such venture he entered a drug den, killing the dealer as instructed. He took out several junkies before turning to leave. A woman who survived her injuries clung to his heel begging him to stop. Looking down he aimed the handgun he was carrying at her head of long disheveled brown hair and fired. Feeling nothing, he kicked her body aside like trash when it hit him. Her face. This woman had been his mother. What was she doing in a place like this? He felt a shock of emotion. He wondered if she had always been like this, or had she changed after he left. He never made amends, but decided to stop killing from then on. The unit did not like that. Once it became apparent that he was no longer of use to them they started a manhunt to apprehend him with lethal force. They found him. They killed him. But he survived.
He remembered the girl on the bus. He remembered her eyes. Those of a sadistic killer. Still there was something else inside them. Something faint but deeper. So. Much. Sadness. Just like him. He felt the hatred begin to spread. His purpose, he decided, was to make all humans rot in the hell they created for him.
These people, he thought to himself, these living diseases, all needed to die. Their struggles, their problems, they spread like cancer to others. The only cure for humanity's sin, its collective wrongdoings, was genocide.
Around him, dark tendrils continued to form and expand, spinning in a vortex. Genocide pulled out two pistols. He squeezed the triggers to no effect. "As I see fit, huh? Hehe." He squeezed both guns in his hands, breaking them into pieces. He concentrated. In his hands, two more guns materialized now completely black due to being forged from the dark essence. Forged by his will. Immune to the jamming device that shut down conventional firearms. He raised his arms at each remaining helicopter and opened fire. Countless tendrils whipped out and slashed at his targets joining the dark essence bullets. It was chaos. Dark tendrils and bullets tore through every direction as Genocide spun and swirled around in 360 degrees firing randomly with purpose. A tendril pierced Gracia's right arm, another, her abdomen. She was however, fortunate, as the other passengers of her helicopter were dismembered. She barely had time to jump from the vehicle before it crashed. She fell 2 yards onto solid concrete. She felt immense pain as her right shoulder shattered on impact. She looked up to see Genocide's blade like appendages ripping through the other escape helicopters. She rolled onto her back and tried to steady herself. Within seconds her body began to repair itself. The nanocells inside her had saved her life but were now depleted. She would need another supplement lest she receive another fatal injury. The standard nanocells she and the others had were much less potent than those of the killers they faced. In truth, they had only minimal strength boosts being able to lift 5-8 more pounds than before and healing being limited to one or two fatal injuries so long as death didn't occur instantly. Gracia blacked out. She awoke the next morning in a hospital. There the doctors refilled her nanocells. She learned that the station had been left in ruins. Genocide had detonated some type of minature nuke following his rampage. He always blew up the stations as if to send a message. Gracia looked out the window thinking about why she became a cop. Twice her family had been murdered by them. Her biological family had been killed in an on record drug raid committed by a group of corrupt officers called The Unit. She had been adopted by another officer that arrived at the scene who found her as a child hiding in a closed. Sadly, he too was killed for trying to expose the activities of The Unit. Gracia joined the force to avenge both losses and bring justice to the killers that disguised themselves as normal people. Law enforcement was neither good, nor bad. It depended upon the people that made it up. In the dying corrupt world Gracia lived in, she vowed to be a beacon of light. Evans laid in a bed adjacent to Lary. "That damn Genocide's somethin else in' he?Like the stories you told us were understatements. That man could legit not die at this point in the story. Like he has friggin plot armor or somthin.'' Evans cut him off" I get it. We all got our asses handed to us. But did you see that ..thing that appeared next to him. Right before he created that black vortex that wiped us out. That must have something to do with his power. Maybe there's a still a way to stop him."Lary chimed in," That fella looked like he was on the way to a black metal concert wit all the black facepaint he was wearin' Creeped me out to be honest." As the survivors mulled over their predicament, the cycle of evil continued to spread elsewhere.
Budley flips through the pages of a magazine. He checks his watch. He looks around the gas station and doesn't see any customers. Seizing the opportunity, he puts in his headphones and begins playing an imaginary guitar as he jams to a progressive deathcore album. Oblivious to the screams coming from outside, the store clerk moves on to thumping two candy bars on the counter to simulate drums. Budley sees that his shift has ended and begins locking up the store. He sweeps the aisles and jumps as a shadow appears behind him. He turns and sees a well groomed bearded man dressed in a black hoodie, black shirt, and black and gray camo pants. The man holds out his hand and smiles. Budley rings up the pack of nicotine substitute gum. "Tryin to kick the habit huh?" Budley asks. The man replies, "Somethin like that. Gotta get my priorities back in check. Focus on the things that really matter. That damn KonCreep's a hell of a band aren't they?" He nods to the playlist on Budley's phone. "Yeah, they're killer. just got into them a month back." Budley answers. "You know, I'm something of a musician myself. Maybe you'll hear of me on the news someday." Jim Jimenez says as he sees himself out. He walks to the back of the building and passes an ominous form of graffiti. A woman lays unmoving and above her, written on concrete in red is a message that simply says "Genocide Reigns".

First of all https://www.smogon.com/forums/threads/sv-uu-suspect-process-round-7-voter-identification-thread.3742334/post-10103098 i got reqs for this, so i feel i at least have some knowledge on this esp playing during suspect + laddering during uult
https://www.smogon.com/forums/threads/sv-uu-suspect-process-round-7-pelipper-voting.3743091/ next of all pelipper was a close vote with 18/33 aka 54% which means this was rather close and this only worked out because lower tiers often function with a 50%+ majority for smth to be banned
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Why is rain not broken?

1. its answers are easy to fit and are solid at doing their job
   
2. rain as a whole is just defensively not that good meaning its easy for smth to go ham vs it
   
3. its a huge commitment for rain to click aynthing outside of water stab, making it fairly telegraphed
   

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1. its answers are easy to fit and are solid at doing their job outside of the rain matchup.

Many pokemon in rain are water type slike barra, flotzel, quav, greninja, azu are pokemon that many teams are just able to deal with on preview at least, you arent struggling by trying to find smth like volcanion, gastrodon, or having to run min speed ttar to underspeed pelipper. These are things that just arnet common enough.
You are often having some form of rain deterrent like sp. def ttar who can tell zapdos to screw off, hydrapple who can sit on most of the rian mons and bait a ice move, torn-t can take on greninja in rain and with tera water for ex. can be a huge pain for it to break through, rotom-w with wisp is in general very annoying, as yes you can bring in hydrapple but hydrapple on rain is often just food for smth like a zapdos on ur team, slowking can reset rain with snow and make pelipper have to come back in and to stop a lot of things rain wants to go for, and in general smth like h-arc can start spamming head smash and late game and can spam tera normal espeed.
You are alr running things like sp. def ttar for things like zap, latios, torn-t, and being a good partner for exca, av torn-t is one of the best defensive mons in the tier, slowking, hydrapple, rotom-w are all easily splashable, and smht like h-arc, lokix, and azu are all good options to revenge kill or apply a lot of pressure outside of rain.

1. Rain isnt good defensviely.

Its not Hyper offense lvl of shit where you basically have soft checks for smth like celesteela, garchomp, heatran, scizor... where they basically switch into smth to get setup opportunities. But rain often will struggle to play the long game vs smth like specs latios, sure drill can check it but you are wearing down urself alr and drill wants to get up rocks in such a game, so they can just click luster purge -> luster purge -> luster purge esp if you get sp. def dropped by one of them.
Even smth like hydrapple basically doesnt want to take on smth like ogerpon-c due to potentially just losing a lot since it runs eject button and is forced out, if it isnt eject button then cornerstone can often 1v1 it, and smth like h-arc also can just spam head smash into it and just have a good roll twice and just nuke it, it isnt fun for rain to be on the backfoot on offense.

1. rain is very telegraphed and its a huge commitment for smth like barra to click ice fang or cc

if rain wants to bypass answers like hydrapple they have to click smth else, like an ice move (which doesnt really KO often from barra) and for that to happen that is a big commitment.. if you fail and they bring in rotom-w you are just put on the backfoot and have to play around it by giving smth a free switch, You often are free to bring in checks most of the time and often times rain has to go out of their way to try to lure it in and hit it with their coverage move.
Even smth like life orb gren, azu, etc you can often lure out their weaker moves like dark pulse, play rough/knock off, or another options and switch into it. Like you can lure out dark pulse by switching into slowking and threaten a t wave so they would prob dakr pulse then switch into ur av torn-t and take the hit and scare them out with focus blast or u-turn into smth else.
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well rain is banned... i feel people think rain was very one sided ban despite it being almost 50/50. I also feel there was much less discussion for rain because nobody really saw rain during the suspect therefore had less to share, often times it would be a 2 page suspect but not even here.... ladder is very weird in their ways

Genocide Reigns
(note: I'm an indie game developer making an action/horror title called Phantasphere. This story is a spin off set in the same universe)
Year 2480X Ryze County Police Department
He's coming. The ensuing panic spread like a virus infecting all present with symptoms of looming dread. Officers worked steadfast to prepare also taking what time remained to train the few combat hardened civilians whom had fled to the station earlier. If only they knew. This demon that presented itself as a man had led a string of senseless massacres across the country. Only recently had it begun to prioritize police stations and army bases as a means of breaking the will of civilians who knew they would be next. Officers from several counties across the states were transferred here for this last stand. This Genocide must not continue. Gracia checked her pistol. Some 20 bullets remained. "I can do this", she thought, "I have to". She had dealt with similar cases before. Some poor soul is overtaken by some inextricably evil force and makes it their life's work to propagate death. Gracia had killed quite a few already. Live arrests weren't always possible. Beyond saving, careful interrogations of the scarce live catches yielded a startling connection. These killers all alluded to a well of overwhelming hatred and despair that consumed them after making eye contact with...Pale, black eyed entities. Some type of demon? Ghost maybe? The idea seemed nonsensical, but there was evidence nonetheless that some outside force was using them to fulfill some unknown purpose. At the present time, all they could do was stop the killers after they had killed. It was always too late by then and more would appear randomly elsewhere. What good could be done here in an isolated station hoping to stop one guy out of possibly hundreds? "The guy we're waiting for is different from the others," detective Evans spoke from the center of a crowd nearby. Gracia moved in closer. "The others typically strike from the shadows, hide their faces behind masks, and prefer to get up close and personal with their victims. What we're dealing with is on a completely different scale. The trail of bloodshed this guy leaves is too difficult for the media to cover up. He loves the spectacle. Headlining the news. We can't keep using the burst pipeline excuse for 6 stations being destroyed in a row. We have to stop him before the world at large finds out. You wonder why we need so many people here? Its simple. We're gonna out-man this one man. He always attacks stations through the front door. Like other killers he's fast, strong- you know the usual, but he also uses guns." "What!", a voice rang out from the crowd. "They aren't supposed to do that!" another gasped. Officer Lary spoke with a cheesy grin" Ya tellin' me we just gotta deal with a regular ass gunman eh? That's a welcome change of pace init? Heck I'm too old to be running around being chased like I'm in some scary movie". The detective rebutted" You don't get it. He uses guns. Not a handgun, not rifles, not boom sticks, not rpgs, not knives not grenades but ALL of them. He uses guns. Plural. It'll take essentially an army to match his arsenal. He used to be a man named -redacted-, but in his pursuit of chaos he has become Genocide." A dark form manifests from the night outside the station. Genocide is coming.
Bang! something slams into the front door. Everyone freezes. Officer Tatum edges slowly to it, shockgun in hand. By no means lethal, the shockgun was lighter, easy to control, and could stun targets temporarily. If Genocide was here, Tatum could stun him and duck for cover leaving the station free to light him up like a Christmas tree. That was the plan they came up with. He got closer to the glass door and peered outside. He was met with hate filled bloodshot eyes framed by an unkempt beard and wild straggly hair. Tatum felt some relief. He knew the man outside. It was Jim Jimenez. Jim was a former drug dealer turned informant. He was found out and had to flee from his old life. He became homeless, hiding in plane sight. This allowed him safety at the cost of his mental health. Tatum knew the man, but those eyes were not his. Tatum blinked and saw that the look of malice had vanished. What he instead saw was a helpless, wounded man, bleeding from the right arm pleading for help. Tatum looked behind Jim, eyeing the empty lot. The coast seemingly clear Tatum unlocked the door and let Jim in. Jim had been roaming the town looking for shelter and tried squatting in an abandoned looking apartment complex. There he found that the building contained several murdered families some succumbing to gunshots but the majority having met their end to fire and suffocation. Jim had decided to make his way to the station to tell police what happened and met trouble on the way. He described getting stabbed by a man wearing a trench coat with long dark hair. Despite the injuries, Jim could move surprisingly well and seemed to ignore the pain. Jim insisted that the man had spared him on the condition he deliver a message. "What message?" Tatum asked. Jim beckoned him to come closer. Tatum leaned in and Jim whispered, "Tell them. Tell them that Genocide is coming closer." The following events were a blur. Jim had concealed the knife he was stabbed with. He stabbed Tatum 4 times in the chest and wrestled his shockgun away. Using Tatum as a shield, Jim engaged everyone in the lobby. Jim wasn't himself. He was stronger. He was faster. He was tactical. He would stun an officer in place only to stab them and use their as a body shield. No one could get a clear shot without hitting a colleague. Gracia watched the scene unfold. In minutes Jim had acquired a magnum from the holster of one of his victims. In seconds 3 officers had their heads exploded. The magnum rounds coated the walls red with those they hit and stained the clothes of those they missed. Gracia felt fear rising in her chest. She calmed herself and tried to think. She saw the bodies on the ground. The blood. She saw how dismissively Jim stepped over them. Like they were nothing. Like trash. She saw the man firing erratically into groups of people, not so much to kill but as to cause panic. That's it! As Gracia contemplated her next move it hit her. She was knocked backwards and landed on the ground. She weakly clutched her chest. Her breathing grew shallow. Jim mad his way deeper into the station. The officers were retreating from their standoff. Jim stepped over her body and saw red staining her uniform. Just another casualty. He moved on. At this point the civilians began panicking. Everyone gave up trying to save their allies and fired blindly at the madman. "Don't shoot the messenger," Jim laughed as he stripped his latest meat shield of an automatic rifle. Detective Evans took cover behind an overturned desk. To his left Larry struggled to light a cigar. "You still think this is a cakewalk?" Evans shouted firing 2 quick shots from his gun before ducking back down. Lary lost hold of his lighter and it clattered on the ground." Crap." He reached for it and looked in the corner of the room. A mirror. He looked at it for what seemed like ages and his smirk returned " Y'know that mex'n gal with the short hair. Where is she? I didn't see her get shot." Evans glanced a peak at Jim spraying lead in all directions. Behind him was a corpse. Evans blinked. It seemed to be getting closer. Its her. Gracia painstakingly inched her way into Jim's blind spot. She was roughly 6 feet away from him. Flanking him seemed like a brilliant idea but waiting idly by for the right moment as the people around her died filled her with anger. Worse still, she had to steal a blood soaked shirt from one of the deceased officers to keep up the facade. Inching ever so steadily she mad it within 3 feet of Jim. She reached behind her belt and unclipped a pair of handcuffs. Screams could be heard as more people were hit. Gracia couldn't wait any longer. Fluidly she got to her feet and rushed Jim. She kicked the back of his knee causing him to stumble as she put the handcuffs on him. Figuratively. The handcuffs were around Jim's neck. She yanked him back causing his gun to drop. "You don't know what you're doing." Jim spat. "We all need to accept it. The end of days is upon us. Death rides his horse through these forsaken lands. We must serve or be sacrificed in turn. Accept it!"He elbowed Gracia in the ribs causing her to let go. He spun around and lunged at her. She landed on her back, Jim steadily choking her. Gracia thought fast. She couldn't struggle. Jim was too strong. She delivered a precise chop to the center of Jim's neck which was exposed. Jim lurched back to catch his breath. A clean shot. A bullet pierced through Jim's back. Weakened, Gracia rolled him over and began punching him repeatedly using the handcuffs as brass knuckles. The sound of Jim's skull cracking echoed through the station. This would go on for nearly 20 seconds before Gracia stopped, checked his pulse, confirmed Jim was still alive, then finally put the cuffs on Jim's wrists.
Click. Bodies are wrapped and moved to a makeshift storage room. Click. The available weapons are gathered and redistributed. Click. Officers are assigned to sniping positions on neighboring buildings. Click. Police cruisers circle the lot outside. Click. In the holding cell, Jim opens his eyes. Click. Lary flicks his lighter. Click. Gracia sips coffee from a paper cup. Click. Shells hit the ground at the feet of Genocide. Click. Genocide walks outside a cafe and looks at the station in the distance. Click. Lary clicks his lighter.
"All ya'll gon' fall," Jim ranted." You can't drain the ocean. You can't put out the sun. Evil will always exist. That there Genocide is proof . I saw him. Saw myself within his eyes. Saw the evil in me that I could no longer try to hide. He taught me to embrace the darkness within. Its in all of us begging to be let out. Can you hear it!" Lary clicked his lighter and got up from his chair. He grabbed a cup of liquor from another officer mid sip and walked over to Jim. He doused it on Jim, the liquid stinging his open wounds. Jim yelped. Across the station, radios blurred to life. Several of their lookouts on the outside had been killed. "He's gon' get ya," Jim smiled imitating Lary's signature grin. "Genocide! Genocide! Genocide!" The other inmates saw the chance to irritate Lary and joined in all shouting in unison,"Ge-No-Cide! Ge-No-Cide! Ge-No-Cide!" The chanting grew louder. Unbearable. They invoked upon the name of the beast, and so it came.
Genocide is upon us. A wave of dread spread across the officers. They could feel its presence. Gracia knew the sensation. The awful aura that the other killers gave off. This was different. Far more oppressive. She struggled to breathe as the air got colder. Her instincts screamed for her to run. She could only imagine what the others were going through. Its time. Across the lot Genocide stood. A siren blared over the intercom. "Everyone get into positions!" Evans yelled. Wayne finished setting the last of the c4 near the station entrance. "That's the last of them. Have remote triggers set around all the major hallways. I'll be in the security room ready to pull the switch." Wayne acted as an explosives expert. His job was to detonate bombs placed throughout the station to slow down Genocide should it enter the building. He would stay in the security room, monitoring the cameras and giving real time updates on the officers' positions. From the holding cell, inmates chanted for Genocide. Lary got off his phone" That bastard mixed us up. How did we not notice?" Evans asked what he meant. Lary, dumbfounded, said that most of the town was already dead. Genocide had broken his usual pattern. He went on a killing spree across a defenseless town BEFORE attacking the police station. They had let everyone down. The people they swore to protect. This Genocide was a monster, but he was still a man. Capable of learning from his past actions. Planning. Adapting. It wasn't in his style to stealthily kill his victims or even use a silencer on any of his guns, but an exception had been made for tonight. An exception that would cost them. Gracia was stationed on the second floor. She peered out the window. Her heart skipped a beat. Two cruisers made slow donuts patrolling the lot and standing unmoving between them was a man all in black. Gracia called in to Wayne asking if he saw anything outside. Wayne said the monitors were all clear then checked again. He cursed. He noticed small details were off. The cameras showing the outside of the station were wrong. Sure they showed the same scenery and weather but cars passed by on screen too frequently for a dead town. Too many to make sense for the quarantine they had set in place. Wayne concluded that the cameras had been hacked. Different prerecorded footage was being shown on the live feed to misdirect them. Gracia saw the man look up at her. A light rain started to fall. The officers patrolling outside were contacted. From the holding cells, inmates called for genocide.

sooooo i F20 went to my neurologist bout a year back to go get my second dose of botox for my migraines. my bf came with me cuz he did the first time and i really appreciated his help. im sitting in the waiting area and i hear my name being called and i look up and its a male doctor aka not my regular female neurologist. i’m already hesitant and i ask where she is and he said “she’s here but im helping her today”.
we went to the room and discussed my migraines since my first botox round and he was sooo condescending and rude my bf and i both became very uncomfortable. now for the botox, i was already nervous cuz it hurt the first time and i just don’t like needles, so i layed down this time. this is where the nightmare fuel begins. he was visibly shaking and borderline demanded me to keep my eyes open. he starts going suuuper slow and it felt like the needle was going so deep into my head i thought it was gonna pop out the other side. i had my airpods in so i could hear the injections. i was sobbing. i was in the most pain ive even been in. he ended up stopping and opening the door to the room and fanning air in cuz he was hot.
i didn’t realize he was doing this or saying these things because i was face down and headphones in, my bf tho saw it all. he almost asked if that much blood was normal but didn’t because he was already so nervous it seemed. he didn’t wanna make him more nervous.
after i got up he asked if it hurt this much the first time and in tears i said no and i ran out of that office. sobbing and in pain for the rest of the day. i’m sharing this story not to scare yall but to make sure that if something is wrong or not feeling proper say something!!!

Hello! Last weekend I played my first game at my LGS in their escalation league, currently at 1000 pts. My opponent was the gentleman who runs the league and he was very helpful. My issue was that I ran a Retaliation Cadre list (posted at the end) and his entire army ran flamers. I have another game in two weeks against Drukhari, but two weeks later we have a 1000 pt tournament where I’m sure I’ll be facing this DG list again and could use some pointers.
TLDR: Flamers made my life miserable and I need pointers to not get crushed on primary.
I believe his list was: -two units of plague marines in rhinos with flamers in the firing deck. -six man unit of terminators (also with flamers) led by typhus -tallyman -leaders for the plague marines put out an aura that lowered my toughness but I can’t remember their names -and a tiny little ripper swarm looking thing that was in deep strike.
I had no idea I would be playing against this army before I showed up so it was definitely a challenge running retaliation cadre. All of my detachment bonuses put me into flamer range and therefore overwatch. We played on a full sized table and I was far too concerned with deep strike which left me too spread out to start. Him having sticky objectives was also a pain on such a big table with so few units.
First round went okay as my hammerhead popped one of the rhinos and dropped marines on the center objective, but the remainder of the game was me trying to avoid overwatch and suffering on primary. Torchstar gambit was great and totally kept me in the game though.
His Tallyman was getting him an extra CP every round. Without an ethereal it felt like I couldn’t keep up.
I realized with some correct sequencing I could be forcing the overwatch on some cheaper units before risking it on my crisis suits. I found this to be very difficult in such a small game though. My coldstar had the internal grenade rack enhancement which I never ended up using (I’ll be swapping it for starflare ignition system next time).
My thoughts are that I could almost entirely avoid his termies since they move so slow with typhus and only have a 12” range. Be more patient and use my range/movement to my advantage. Especially with starflare ignition system allowing me to unstick some of his objectives and missile pods still giving me range on his units.
I don’t want to tailor my list specifically to this army because we have that tournament coming up, but any insight as to how I could play it better would be greatly appreciated!
My list is as follows: Farsight is leading the starscythe from deep strike Coldstar is leading the fireknife Fireblade with breacherfish
RETCAD1000 (1000 Points)
T’au Empire Retaliation Cadre Incursion (1000 Points)
CHARACTERS
Cadre Fireblade (50 Points) • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Fireblade pulse rifle 2x Gun Drone
Commander Farsight (105 Points) • Warlord • 1x Dawn Blade 1x High-intensity plasma rifle
Commander in Coldstar Battlesuit (130 Points) • 1x Battlesuit fists 1x Fusion blaster 2x Fusion blaster 2x Shield Drone 1x Shield Generator • Enhancements: Starflare Ignition System
BATTLELINE
Breacher Team (100 Points) • 1x Support turret • 1x Breacher Fire Warrior Shas’ui • 1x Close combat weapon 2x Gun Drone 1x Pulse blaster 1x Pulse pistol • 9x Breacher Fire Warrior • 9x Close combat weapon 9x Pulse blaster 9x Pulse pistol
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Devilfish (85 Points) • 1x Accelerator burst cannon 1x Armoured hull 2x Seeker missile 2x Twin pulse carbine
OTHER DATASHEETS
Crisis Fireknife Battlesuits (150 Points) • 1x Crisis Fireknife Shas’vre • 1x Battlesuit fists 1x Gun Drone 1x Missile pod 1x Missile pod 1x Shield Drone • 2x Crisis Fireknife Shas’ui • 2x Battlesuit fists 2x Gun Drone 4x Missile pod 2x Shield Drone
Crisis Starscythe Battlesuits (130 Points) • 1x Crisis Starscythe Shas’vre • 1x Battlesuit fists 1x Marker Drone 1x Shield Drone 1x T’au flamer 1x T’au flamer • 2x Crisis Starscythe Shas’ui • 2x Battlesuit fists 2x Gun Drone 2x Shield Drone 4x T’au flamer
Hammerhead Gunship (130 Points) • 1x Armoured hull 1x Railgun 2x Seeker missile 2x Twin smart missile system
Stealth Battlesuits (60 Points) • 1x Stealth Shas’vre • 1x Battlesuit Support System 1x Battlesuit fists 1x Fusion blaster 1x Homing Beacon 1x Marker Drone 1x Shield Drone • 2x Stealth Shas’ui • 2x Battlesuit fists 2x Burst cannon
Stealth Battlesuits (60 Points) • 1x Stealth Shas’vre • 1x Battlesuit fists 1x Fusion blaster 1x Homing Beacon 1x Marker Drone 1x Shield Drone • 2x Stealth Shas’ui • 2x Battlesuit fists 2x Burst cannon

I know this may sound like a silly question. It seems like I can’t get a clear answer from my OB or google on this. They just say “period pains” but my period pains have always been in my legs, I’ve read they start in the back and radiate forward, but I’m wondering if that’s how they all feel. I’m 37w+3d and lately I’ve been getting strong feelings right next to my groin area and a balling up sensation at the top of my belly that comes and goes. I’m trying to differentiate between baby movements, round ligament pain and contraction feelings.

I’ll try to keep this short as I can, I’ve made several posts over the years. I’m just feeling defeated and confused.
I’m currently a 25(M), and had a microdiscectomy on L5-S1 for a 20mm+ herniation (I don’t remember the exact size) in June 2022. Prior to that I was extremely active, I played college water polo up through the December 2021 season. Swimming for cardio is something I’ve done all my life and want to continue, I hate running.
I have a hard time remembering what the pain was like back in February 2022, but it must have been pretty bad since I wasn’t able to exercise (I have a high pain tolerance).
Post surgery was fine, I started walking again, getting back to work and normal daily activities such as running errands. Starting PT after 6 weeks (July 2022) and that was a brutal process I was so stiff and tight. I’ve never been very flexible.
The following 6-7 months, I solely did PT, stretched, and walked every day. Got to where I’d go for 4-5 mile walks at a 16 min pace. In February 2023 I began lap swimming again, this time I didn’t do flip turns, decided I’d just do touch turns to not put my back in a flipping motion. I started very slow and just did about 20 laps/500 yards (which is nothing compared to what I would do in the past).
From February 2023 – June 2023 I just slowly eased into swimming, got back to swimming 2,500+ yards. I also began lifting again, doing light machines and light weights. Did weight training at my PT office to make sure I was doing things correctly.
June 2023 – December 2023 I did well, I was swimming and lifting 4-5x a week. I might have been overdoing it but I felt fine. I’d do 30+ mins of pt warm up and stretches before swimming to make sure I was warm, then would do some lifting after I swam. I was doing some free weight stuff (bad idea) and was swimming fast again. I felt good and I felt like I wanted to start training again to play competitive water polo again.
December 2023 – was doing some light 10lb RDLs that I’d learned at PT. Hadn’t done them in a while and wanted to change it up for my hamstrings. After one set I felt some pain and discomfort in my back, something I hadn’t felt in a while and knew something was wrong. I stopped Immediately.
Went to the Dr. and got another MRI. New MRI shows disc herniation of 6mm at L5-S1 significantly smaller than the original. My surgeon told me it wasn’t surgery worthy and that it wasn’t compressing my nerve, and I don’t have much pain so I agree. He said many people can live with them, and they don’t even know, but I need to listen to my body and modify etc.
January 2024 – Since then I went back to PT, tried to come up with a good game plan for safe forms of exercising. It was hard to accept, but I decided I’d stop trying to push playing competitive water polo again for health reasons. I started slow again, swimming 3 times a week very slow and building up laps every week. I now do light machines to keep myself tone, that’s all I need and am happy with.
March 2024 - I got back to swimming 4x a week at a slower pace, I can maintain good form but still get winded. And I’ve been lifting 4x a week, all somewhat light weight all on machines. My feet are grounded, and my back or chest is against padding for support. Still do PT warm up stuff ahead of time, and stretch and roll out my glutes, hamstrings, and hip flexors after.
April 2024 - I felt pretty good, just general stiffness when I wake up sometimes, and some days I get some achiness in my lower back and glut area but I accept that’s normal.
PT thinks my gluts and hip flexors are weak and my backs compensating for them. I guess I trusted them and agreed to do what thy said. But they started having me do back squats which made me nervous but felt fine. I started doing those several times a week. Then they had me start do incorporate hip trusts for my gluts, either with the barbell on my waist or using a machine at the gym. Then they wanted me to start doing weighted RDLs again and that’s where I drew the line. I was confused how if that’s how I hurt it in December then why would I do it again. They tell me I can do anything as long as I have good form, but I’d rather not risk it. They make it seem like I need to do them to strengthen my muscles and learn to load my spine again.
The surgeon told me no deadlifts and no hip thrusts. He said goblet squats are fine. It just made me not trust PT anymore. No matter what I tell them they tell me it’s normal and say I just need to get stronger. I felt like since doing some of the leg stuff I was getting stiffer and achier, so I wanted to get a second opinion
May 2024 – My dads good friend is a sports medicine professional, and he referred us to a good doctor he knows/went to school with in my area, he studied medicine at UCLA and works with sports and Olympic teams. I went to visit him to get some clarity on what exercises in the gym are safe for me to do and what to stay away from or maybe a new PT that he trusts. I was shocked when I went last week, he looked at my MRI results and said I have the herniation at L5-S1 and another 5mm herniation at L4-L5 that my surgeon didn’t even mention. The new doctor said I was having muscle atrophy from nerve compression and it could be serious and could need another surgery. He put me on a 6-day steroid pack and said if it relieves my symptoms then there would be some hope without needing another surgery. I have a call with him tomorrow to follow up on how I feel.
I’m confused. I don’t have bad symptoms. I’m stiff and my hamstrings are tight, but they loosen up during the day. I don’t really have any radiating pain down the leg. So, I can’t tell if the steroid even helped because there wasn’t much there to begin with. Over the last 6 days it hasn’t been as achy and tight when I get up in the morning, but honestly, just doing my daily activities such as going to work, walking around, etc. I don’t notice it at all. It’s just when I do certain movements like bend down, or twist a certain way, or lean backwards, then I feel some stiffness and pulling in my lower back and glut, but it doesn’t go down my leg it’s all centralized in my lower back. I don’t feel as achy and stiff so that’s good, but my QL and left glut still are a little achy when I think about it.
I’m just confused and frustrated. My surgeon told me in January there was no nerve compression and didn’t mention the second herniation. But then this new doctor makes it seem very severe and now I’m nervous. I’m frustrated that squat, hip thrusts, etc. have maybe been making things worse and I wonder If I need new imaging to see if they’ve gotten worse over the last 5 months. My dad’s friend who referred us to the new doctor also read my MRI report and said he would agree that if I don’t have that bad symptoms that my results wouldn’t suggest I need another surgery.
As I mentioned, up until a week ago I’ve been swimming 2,500 yards and doing some machine lifting 4x a week. And the symptoms aren’t bad, a little tight when I stretch and warm up, such as getting up off the ground after stretching I’m kind of stiff standing up straight again. Once I swim it loosens up and might get a little tight, but overall feels better after.
Just been a long two years since the surgery, and I don’t want another it was the most depressing thing I’ve ever gone through. All I want is to be able to swim some laps for cardio purposes (which I assume is safe) and then do some light machines at the gym to keep myself tone and have some muscle definition. But I want to know what machines are safe/what types of exercises to stay away from.
I know this is a long read. But any thoughts and Insight would be helpful. Thanks

After a covid infection at end of 2021, I developed neurological issues diagnosed as long-covid in early 2022. At its worst, this manifested as neuro inflammation, intense head pain, deep depression and anxiety (uncharacteristic for me), cognitive trouble (inability to have full thoughts and complete sentences), etc. I tried high dose IV Vit C with glutathione with no noticeable effect. I tried different serotonin boosting treatments, with success. Ie antidepressant (made me feel weird, but helped some), then Banisteriopsis caapi extract i had from my medical research days (this worked very well). Also tried various things like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, meditation, exercise, support herbs and supplements; some of which im still doing. Flashforward to now and my minor remaining symptoms are anxiety/ irritability (nervous system feels like its buzzing) and slightly slowed cognition (minor, but I feel dulled 5-10% compared to the past).
Background: 38yo, type 1 diabetic, was 50lbs overweight, former medical researcher, now product formulation (I need my cognitive function! Ha)
I'm two weeks into taking 3mL daily via IM injection and feeling amazing! Everyday when I inject I feel a wave of calm come over me within 5-10 minutes. This calm is with me day to day, however when I skipped 2 days the anxiousness did come back. Not noticing anything with cognition yet, but I'm very hopeful. I purchased 15 - 20mL vials and upon opening each vial, I immediately load into syringes and refrigerate with my insulin. I feel each injection's effects, so I don't think it's degrading, but paying attention to this element.
I have two questions:

1. Do you think it will have a lasting effect?
2. Is it safe to take for several months? Or, what do you all suggest for rounds?

On May 8, 2024, one of the most beautiful love stories I have ever had the privilege to witness came to an end. That's the day my mother, Janet Cantrell, died after a years long battle with a litany of diseases that had left her bedridden in excruciating pain, multiple trips and weeks long stays at the hospital.
During this time, my father, Stanley Cantrell, who was married to my mom for 41 years before her passing, was there with her for every step of the way, even taking care of her despite having had a stroke not even two full years before her decline began. My dad was an around-the-clock caregiver who poured his heart and soul into doing whatever my mother needed. He would clean her wounds -- caused by a severe flesh-eating disease -- help her go to the bathroom, comfort her when the pain and anxiety was too much for her to bear.
I can't do justice to how he poured himself out to her in mere words. Let's just say my dad has become a legend in our family for all the ways he loved his bride. It was a passionate love that started in the early 1980s, and while there were hard times that almost threatened to tear them apart, God's grace brought them back from the brink and made their love stronger than ever. It's the kind of thing a book should be written about one day.
In celebration of this love and my mother's life, I'm attempting to raise enough money to give her the send off she wanted.We are a working-class family living paycheck-to-paycheck. There was no insurance policy, unfortunately, so we are left to pay for the cost of the funeral all on our own and in full transparency, we do not have the funds to cover it.However, we still want to honor my mom's last wishes to be buried here in the town we call home. The costs for a burial and funeral service so all of Janet's loved ones get an opportunity to say goodbye is very expensive.
Fortunately, there is a wonderful funeral home in our town who has provided a package for roughly $5,000 that covers the cost of a casket, vault, service, and a few other items.That leaves the burial plot which is around $1,600 and the cost of a headstone, which is yet to be determined. However, I'm estimating it will cost around $2,000. With taxes and fees I'm rounding up the total to $9,000.
As you can see, that's a lot of money. It would mean the world to me if those of you who read this would be able to contribute to helping me author the final chapter in this wonderful love story. Anything you can give will help and I will give you my eternal gratitude. I'm a firm believer in transparency, so I will provide receipts for every expense. If there is money not used, I will gladly refund it to those who donated unless told otherwise.
As of now, I have not set a concrete date because the expenses for the funeral must be presented up front, but as soon as I can, I will provide an update on that. Again, I appreciate any and all help and support you can provide in this difficult time for me and my family.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-us-write-the-final-chapter-of-this-beautiful-love-story?utm_medium=email&utm_source=product&utm_campaign=p_email%2B4803-donation-alert-v5

Megapost: A list of statements, press releases, and other sources reporting and expressing concern and criticism about Israel's war in Gaza and related aspects of the war. (Part 4)

Notes: This is a work that is currently in progress; please check back for updates. Titles have been edited to provide details.
Part 1 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1clx1uc/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Part 2 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1cmjhpk/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Part 3 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1coups2/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Australian Council of Trade Unions (ACTU) Statement on Gaza (April 22, 2024): https://www.actu.org.au/media-release/actu-statement-on-gaza/
'Collective punishment' of Palestinians unacceptable, says Ireland [Michael Martin, Foreign Minister of Ireland: "We believe that the response has been fully disproportionate and has also been, in our view, a breach of humanitarian law in terms of the destruction of Gaza and also in terms of the killing of civilians, innocent men, women and children"] (April 22, 2024): https://www.aa.com.ten/middle-east/collective-punishment-of-palestinians-unacceptable-says-ireland/3198702
Israel has yet to provide evidence of Unrwa staff terrorist links, Colonna report says: Exclusive: review finds government yet to substantiate claims UN relief agency staff have ties to Hamas or Islamic Jihad (April 22, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/ap22/israel-unrwa-staff-terrorist-links-yet-to-provide-evidence-colonna-report
NEWS: Bernie Sanders Statement on Amendment Votes on National Security Supplemental (April 22, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-amendment-votes-on-national-security-supplemental/
NEWS: Bernie Sanders Statement on ‘Dark Day’ in U.S. Senate (April 23, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-dark-day-in-u-s-senate/
PREPARED REMARKS: Senator Bernie Sanders on Ending Unfettered Military Aid to Israel and Restoring UNRWA Funding (April 23, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/prepared-remarks-sanders-on-ending-unfettered-military-aid-to-israel-and-restoring-unrwa-funding/
Senator Jeff Merkley: Netanyahu’s War Campaign at Odds with American Values (April 23, 2024): https://www.merkley.senate.gov/merkley-netanyahus-war-campaign-at-odds-with-american-values/
Stephen Tillett: As a Christian minister, I cannot remain silent any longer about Israeli-Palestinian conflict (April 23, 2024): https://www.capitalgazette.com/2024/04/23/stephen-tillett-as-a-christian-minister-i-cannot-remain-silent-any-longer-about-israeli-palestinian-conflict-commentary/
AIPAC Spent Millions to Take Down the Squad. The Working Families Party Is Fighting Back. (April 24, 2024): https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2024/04/aipac-is-spent-millions-to-take-down-the-squad-the-working-families-party-is-fighting-back/
GOP House Speaker Mike Johnson defends Israel when Erin Burnett asks about children dying ‘at Israel’s hands’ (April 24, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/24/politics/video/house-speaker-mike-johnson-protests-columbia-university-israel-hamas-war-ebof-digvid
Pro-Palestinian student protests have been largely peaceful. Right-wing media want to call in the National Guard. (April 25, 2024): https://www.mediamatters.org/fox-news/pro-palestinian-student-protests-have-been-largely-peaceful-right-wing-media-want-call
Save the Children International: GAZA STAFF ACCOUNT: The Reality of the Humanitarian Catastrophe (April 25, 2024): https://www.savethechildren.net/blog/gaza-staff-account-reality-humanitarian-catastrophe
Bishops, delegates join rally sponsored by United Methodist Kairos Response for Palestine (April 26, 2024): https://www.umnews.org/en/news/bishops-delegates-join-rally-for-palestine
‘I stand on the side of the oppressed, whoever they are’: Interview with Palestinian-Ukrainian activist Adib Shaheen (April 26, 2024): https://links.org.au/i-stand-side-oppressed-whoever-they-are-interview-palestinian-ukrainian-activist-adib-shaheen
NBC News investigation reveals Israel strikes on Gaza areas it said were safe: NBC News found Palestinians were killed in seven deadly airstrikes in areas of southern Gaza that the Israeli military had explicitly designated as safe zones. (April 26, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/palestinians-killed-israeli-strikes-safe-zones-exclusive-nbc-report-rcna148008
Refugee Council of Australia: Our Letter to the Prime Minister regarding the Israel and Gaza Crisis (April 26, 2024): https://www.refugeecouncil.org.au/letter-israel-and-gaza-crisis/
Statement in solidarity with student protests for Gaza [Signed by: 350.org US; 18 Million Rising; 198 methods; Adalah Justice Project; Addameer Prisoner Support and Human Rights Association; AF3IRM; Afghans For A Better Tomorrow; Al-Haq; Alliance of Baptists; American Baptist Churches USA; American Baptist Churches Palestine Israel Network; American Friends Service Committee; American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC); American Muslim Bar Association; American Muslim Community Foundation; American Muslims for Palestine (AMP); Americans for Justice in Palestine Action (AJP Action); Arab American Civic Council; Arab American Institute; Asian American Advocacy Fund; Better to Speak; Beyt Tikkun: A Synagogue without Walls; Black Lives of Unitarian Universalism (BLUU); Blue Future; Borderlands for Equity; Borderlands Resource Initiative; Breach Collective; Brooklyn For Peace; CAIR Action; CAIR California; CAIR Minnesota; CAIR Oklahoma; CAIR-WA; California Coalition for Women Prisoners; Cameroon American Council; Carceral Tech Resistance Network; Ceasefire Democrats; Ceasefire Now NJ; Center for Constitutional Rights; Center for Popular Democracy Action; Center for Protest Law & Litigation @ Partnership for Civil Justice Fund; Chicago Area Peace Action; Chicago Faith Coalition on Middle East Policy; Christians for a Free Palestine; Civic Ark; Civil Liberties Defense Center; Clockshop; CommonDefense.us; Communities United for Status & Protection (CUSP); Council on American-Islamic Relations; CWA-News Guild Local 38010; Defending Rights & Dissent; Delaware Democratic Socialists of America; Delawareans for Palestinian Human Rights; Detention Watch Network; Disciples Palestine Israel Network; Diverse & Revolutionary Unitarian Universalist Multicultural Ministries (DRUUMM); Doctors Against Genocide; Dream Defenders; Dutch Scholars for Palestine; Eindhoven Students 4 Palestine; Emgage Action; En Conjunto; Episcopal Peace Fellowship-Palestine Israel Network; Faith for Black Lives; Faith in Texas; Fellowship of Reconciliation; Fight for the Future; For All; Freedom Farm Community; Freedom Oklahoma; Freedom To Thrive; Friends of Sabeel North America (FOSNA); Future Coalition; Gen-Z for Change; Gender Justice Action and Gender Justice; Get Free; Global Campaign to Reclaim People's Sovereignty, Dismantle Corporate Power & Stop Impunity; Green Mountain Solidarity With Palestine; Green New Deal Network; Greenpeace USA; Hawai'i for Palestine; Health Justice Commons; Helena (Montana) Service for Peace and Justice; Highlander Research and Education Center; Hindus for Human Rights; Historians for Peace and Democracy; Human Dignity Project (THDP); IfNotNow Movement; IfNotNow New Jersey; Immigrant Defense Project; Immigrant Justice Network; Immigrants Act Now; Indian American Muslim Council (IAMC); Indiana Center for Middle East Peace; Institute for Policy Studies New Internationalism Project; Interfaith Ceasefire; International Jewish Anti-Zionist Network; International Mayan League; InterReligious Task Force on Central America; Iowans For Palestine; Islamic Society of North America (ISNA); Islamophobia Studies Center; Israel/Palestine Mission Network of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.); Jewish Voice for Peace; Jewish Voice for Peace-Hawai’i; Jews For Racial & Economic Justice (JFREJ); Just Foreign Policy; Justice Democrats; Just Futures Law; Justice for All; Kairos USA; Libyan American Alliance; LittleSis / Public Accountability Initiative; Living Water Inclusive Catholic Community; Long Island Progressive Coalition; Make the Road Nevada; Malaya Georgia; Massachusetts Peace Action; Mennonite Action; Mennonite Action WA; Migrant Roots Media; Minnesota Peace Project; Mondoweiss; Movement for Black Lives; MPower Change Action Fund; MSA West; Muslim Advocates; Muslim Community Network; Muslim Counterpublics Lab; Muslim Power Building Project; Muslims for Just Futures; Muslims for Progressive Values; National Arab American Women’s Association (NAAWA); National Domestic Workers Alliance Staff Union, CWA Local 1180; National Iranian American Council; National Lawyers Guild; National Lawyers Guild - St. Louis Chapter; National Network for Immigrant and Refugee Rights (NNIRR); National Partnership for New Americans; New Hampshire Veterans for Peace; New York City Veterans For Peace; The New Justice Project Minnesota; NH Peace Action; North American Students of Cooperation; No Separate Justice; North Carolina Peace Action; The Oakland Institute; Office of Peace, Justice, and Ecological Integrity/Sisters of Charity of Saint Elizabeth; Our Revolution; Palestine American League; Palestine Legal; Palestinian American Community Center; Palestinian American Organizations Network (PAON); Palestinian Feminist Collective; Partners for Palestine; Pax Christi New Jersey; Pax Christi New York State; Pax Christi Pacific Northwest; Pax Christi USA; Peace Action; Peace Action New York State; Peace, Justice, Sustainability NOW!; Pediatricians for Palestine; People’s Action; PeoplesHub; Poverty Project at the Institute for Policy Studies; Presbyterian Church (USA), Office of Public Witness; Presbyterian Peace Fellowship; Progressive Democrats of America (PDA); Project ANAR; Project South; Rachel Corrie Foundation for Peace and Justice; Reparation Education Project; Reviving the Islamic Sisterhood for Empowerment; Rise for Palestine; Rising Majority; Rising Tide North America; Rochester Committee on Latin America; RootsAction Education Fund; Sabeel Ecumenical Liberation Theology Centre; Sacramento Regional Coalition for Palestinian Rights; Sound Vision; Starr King School for the Ministry; Students and Faculty for Justice in Palestine at the University of Hawai’i (SFJP); Sunrise Movement; Sur Legal Collaborative; TakeAction Minnesota; Tech Justice Law Project; The Gathering for Justice; The Hague Peace Projects; The Social Justice Center; The Uncommitted National Movement; The Whatcom Peace and Justice Center; Transnational Institute; UndocuBlack Network; Unitarian Universalist Association; Unitarian Universalist Church of the Larger Fellowship; Unitarian Universalist College of Social Justice; Unitarian Universalist Justice Ministry of North Carolina; Unitarian Universalist Mass Action; Unitarian Universalist Peace Ministry Network; Unitarian Universalist Service Committee; Unitarian Universalist Young Adults for Climate Justice (UUYACJ); Unitarian Universalists for Justice in the Middle East; United Church of Christ Palestine Israel Network; United Methodists for Kairos Response (UMKR); United Voices for America; Until Freedom; US Campaign for Palestinian Rights; Veterans For Peace; We Are All America; Wellstone Democratic Renewal Club; Wind of the Spirit Immigrant Resource Center; Women's Institute for Freedom of the Press; Working Families Party; World BEYOND War; Young Democrats of America Black Caucus; Young Democrats of America Environmental Caucus; Youth Leadership Institute] (April 26-29, 2024): https://www.mpowerchange.org/gazastudentprotests & https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdhlWqDQghbVaPb6K7coBoi0o3w1YDfmrPOSbUw5bqNKEnrhg/viewform
Tom Hurwitz: I was arrested protesting at Columbia in ’68. Today’s student encampments carry on a proud, brave tradition: Like the Vietnam War was nearly six decades ago, to many students, Israel’s assault on Gaza feels deeply personal (April 26, 2024): https://forward.com/opinion/607021/columbia-1968-protests-vietnam-gaza-wa
‘We demand an immediate ceasefire in Gaza’ – First Minister of Northern Ireland Michelle O’Neill tells major London demo (April 27, 2024): https://vote.sinnfein.ie/we-demand-an-immediate-ceasefire-in-gaza-oneill-tells-major-london-demo/
Nineteen American Sociological Association Presidents Endorse the Resolution for Justice in Palestine (April 28, 2024): https://www.sociologistsforpalestine.org & https://docs.google.com/document/d/1t-z9OTPbl5JB9_sKnFOqAl-bQV78qZ-SFvjjjMrPUgY/
Robert Reich, former U.S. Secretary of Labor under Bill Clinton: Brief thoughts on the wave of campus protests across America (April 28, 2024): https://robertreich.substack.com/p/my-thoughts-on-the-wave-of-campus
We’re Jewish students at Columbia arrested for protesting Israel’s war (April 28, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/education/4626720-were-jewish-students-at-columbia-arrested-for-protesting-israels-wa
American Association of University Professors: In Defense of the Right to Free Speech and Peaceful Protest on University Campuses (April 29, 2024): https://www.aaup.org/media-release/defense-right-free-speech-and-peaceful-protest-university-campuses
Anat Saragusti: Israeli media’s inevitable hysteria over U.S. campus protests: The media’s unbending self-censorship in covering Gaza has made Israelis incapable of seeing foreign criticism as anything other than antisemitism. (April 29, 2024): https://www.972mag.com/campus-protests-gaza-us-students/
Attorneys inside and outside the administration urge Biden to cut off arms to Israel: So far more than 90 lawyers have signed on to a legal letter alleging Israel’s conduct in Gaza violates U.S. and international law. (April 29, 2024): https://www.politico.com/news/2024/04/29/lawyers-israel-arm-sales-biden-00154958
Lemkin Institute for Genocide Prevention: Statement in Support of Students, Faulty at Columbia University (April 29, 2024): https://www.lemkininstitute.com/statements-new-page/statement-in-support-of-students%2C-faulty-at-columbia-university
Mary Lawlor, UN Special Rapporteur on Human Rights Defenders: "I'm hearing disturbing reports that students face suspension if they don’t end their peaceful protests in #Columbiauniversity in the USA. This is a clear violation of their right to peaceful assembly" (April 29, 2024): https://twitter.com/MaryLawlorhrds/status/1785020792197038101
Cas Mudde: Why are US campuses facing an orgy of state repression in the ‘land of the free’? The right has painted nonviolent protests against the war on Gaza as hotbeds of ‘woke’ terrorism. It’s a pretext for repression (April 30, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/ap30/us-campus-peace-protests-overreaction-gaza
Joint letter to President Biden on humanitarian risk of Rafah operation in Gaza [Signed by: 350.org; ActionAid USA; Alliance of Baptists; American Friends of Combatants for Peace; American Friends Service Committee; Americares; Amnesty International USA; CARE; Charity & Security Network; Children in Conflict; Christian Aid; Churches for Middle East Peace (CMEP); Center for American Progress; Center for Civilians in Conflict; Center for International Policy; Church World Service; DAWN; Demand Progress Education Fund; Evangelical Lutheran Church in America; Humanity & Inclusion; IM Swedish Development Partners; Indivisible; Islamic Relief USA; Islamic Relief Worldwide; KinderUSA; Maryknoll Office for Global Concerns; MedGlobal; Médecins du Monde / Doctors of the World International Network; Mennonite Central Committee; Middle East Democracy Center; Minnesota Peace Project; MoveOn; Nonviolent Peaceforce; Norwegian Refugee Council USA; Oxfam America; Pax Christi USA; Premiere Urgence Internationale; Presbyterian Church (USA), Office of Public Witness; Refugees International; Save the Children US; SEIU; The Episcopal Church; The Tahrir Institute for Middle East Policy (TIMEP); The United Methodist Church – General Board of Church and Society; Truman Center; Vento di Terra; Win Without War] (April 30, 2024): https://www.nrc.no/news/2024/may/joint-letter-to-president-biden-on-potential-incursion-into-rafah-gaza/
Latino students are key part of pro-Palestine encampment protests (April 30, 2024): https://www.axios.com/2024/04/30/college-encampments-ceasefire-gaza-latino-students
Michael Gould-Wartofsky: Trump Is Wrong. Columbia Isn’t Anything Like Charlottesville: I survived the deadly violence in Charlottesville, and am now a postdoctoral research scholar at Columbia University. To compare the two is unwarranted—and unconscionable. (April 30, 2024): https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-is-wrong-columbia-isnt-anything-like-charlottesville
United Church of Christ Officers issue statement amid ongoing unrest on college campuses; offer continued solidarity with partners and people in the Middle East (April 30, 2024): https://www.ucc.org/ucc-officers-issue-statement-amid-ongoing-unrest-on-college-campuses/
United States of America: UN Human Rights Chief troubled by law enforcement actions against protesters at universities (April 30, 2024): https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2024/04/united-states-america-un-human-rights-chief-troubled-law-enforcement-actions
A Statement From Jewish Faculty, Staff, Students, and Alumni Regarding Indiana University's Treatment of Student Protesters ["Actions are being taken in our name, without our consent or request. Such actions, especially those by the administration, often directly contradict the facts we see daily on the ground at campus. We condemn the actions taken by the administration, ISP, and IUPD against the students protesting on Dunn Meadow."] (May 1, 2024): https://bloomingtonian.com/2024/05/01/a-statement-from-jewish-faculty-staff-students-and-alumni-regarding-iustreatment-of-student-protesters/
Charles H.F. Davis III, Jude Paul Dizon, Jessica Hatrick, and Vanessa Miller: Police Repression Is the Problem, Not the Solution (May 1, 2024): https://www.insidehighered.com/opinion/views/2024/05/01/police-repression-problem-not-solution-opinion
Comment from United Auto Workers President Shawn Fain on Mass Arrests of Anti-War Protestors (May 1, 2024): https://uaw.org/comment-from-uaw-president-shawn-fain-on-mass-arrests-of-anti-war-protestors/
Fellowship of Reconciliation Stands in Solidarity with the Students (May 1, 2024): https://forusa.org/fellowship-of-reconciliation-stands-in-solidarity-with-the-students/
Juan González, Veteran of '68 Columbia Strike, Condemns University Leaders' Silence on Gaza Slaughter (May 1, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/1/police_raid_columbia_2024_juan_gonzalez
Mike Littwin: As a veteran of the ’60s campus unrest, I know the value of free speech: Despite what you may hear, most of today’s campus demonstrations, including the one at Auraria, are typically nonviolent. (May 1, 2024): https://coloradosun.com/2024/05/01/israel-gaza-student-demonstrations-opinion-littwin/
On Gaza, NY Catholic Worker community echoes Pope Francis: 'Please! Stop the war.' (May 1, 2024): https://www.ncronline.org/opinion/guest-voices/gaza-ny-catholic-worker-community-echoes-pope-francis-please-stop-war
Senator Bernie Sanders: The billionaires who fund AIPAC are not only concerned about protecting Israel's actions in Gaza — they also want to protect corporate interests. That's why they are targeting progressive lawmakers who stand up for the working class and take on powerful special interests. (May 1, 2024): https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/1785684580265074707
Syriac Maronite Archbishops denounce military escalation in southern Lebanon, condemn Israeli actions in Gaza and West Bank (May 1, 2024): https://syriacpress.com/blog/2024/01/05/syriac-maronite-archbishops-denounce-military-escalation-in-southern-lebanon-condemn-israeli-actions-in-gaza-and-west-bank/
The Democratic National Committee's College Democrats of America Slams Biden On Gaza And Backs Campus Protesters (May 1, 2024): https://www.huffpost.com/entry/college-democrats-of-america-statement-biden-gaza-campus-protest_n_663278fce4b0849b2edded55
Tope Folarin, director of the Institute for Policy Studies: We Stand with the Students Protesting the Slaughter in Gaza (May 1, 2024): https://ips-dc.org/we-stand-with-the-students-protesting-the-slaughter-in-gaza/
'You are our hope': Palestinian students find strength in U.S. campus protests: “I feel proud that there is a group of students who feel what we feel now — and are helping and supporting us,” said Reem Musa Suleiman Abu Shinar, speaking to an NBC News crew in the city of Rafah in southern Gaza. (May 1, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/palestinian-students-support-us-campus-protests-israel-war-rcna149296
Bernie Sanders in CNN interview: 'This may be Biden’s Vietnam' (May 2, 2024): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6rQmvko18M
Catholic Relief Services representative for Gaza fears possible Rafah invasion (May 2, 2024): https://www.ncronline.org/news/catholic-relief-services-rep-gaza-fears-possible-rafah-invasion
‘Disgrace to diplomacy’: Bosnia accuses Israeli diplomat of genocide denial: Envoy to Serbia draws intense criticism for telling Russian media that calling 1995 Srebrenica massacre a genocide ‘diminishes the importance of that term’ (May 2, 2024): https://www.timesofisrael.com/disgrace-to-diplomacy-bosnia-accuses-israeli-diplomat-of-genocide-denial/
Gazans thank US university protesters as Israel calls for students to be expelled (May 2, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/01/middleeast/gaza-children-thank-us-protesters-intl-latam/index.html
Helen Benedict, professor of journalism at Columbia University: ‘US student protests seeking peace in Gaza are the new anti-Vietnam War movement’ (May 2, 2024): https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/us-student-protests-seeking-peace-in-gaza-are-the-new-anti-vietnam-war-movement/articleshow/109766893.cms
Hundreds of U.S. Catholic leaders and laity sign letter urging Permanent Gaza Ceasefire and End to Injustice in Israel and Palestine (May 2, 2024): https://cmep.salsalabs.org/ps-may22024 & https://docs.google.com/document/d/16K1RvL3YdSgSChwO_eWB9iSvIglNP59ahqtAQ1aZiGM/
PREPARED REMARKS: Senator Bernie Sanders on the Nationwide Student Protests and the Ongoing Humanitarian Disaster in Gaza (May 2, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/prepared-remarks-sanders-on-the-nationwide-student-protests-and-the-ongoing-humanitarian-disaster-in-gaza/
Recalling Civil Rights Era Abuses, Legal Defense Fund of the NAACP Roundly Condemns Rising Violations Against Peaceful Protesters and Calls for Immediate Federal Intervention ["Today, the Legal Defense Fund (LDF) issued a statement roundly and unequivocally condemning the rising civil and human rights violations against peaceful protesters across the U.S. and issued a letter calling for the Department of Justice (DOJ) to conduct an immediate investigation into the treatment of peaceful protesters" (May 2, 2024): https://www.naacpldf.org/press-release/recalling-civil-rights-era-abuses-ldf-roundly-condemns-rising-violations-against-peaceful-protesters-and-calls-for-immediate-federal-intervention/
United Nations Development Programme: As war in Gaza enters seventh month, 1.74 million more Palestinians will be pushed into poverty across State of Palestine according to United Nations assessment: UNDP and ESCWA estimate more than two-decades reversal in human development— beyond earliest recorded levels of 2004. (May 2, 2024): https://www.undp.org/papp/press-releases/war-gaza-enters-seventh-month-174-million-more-palestinians-will-be-pushed-poverty-across-state-palestine-according-united
“Workers Have Power”: Thousands Rally in NYC for May Day, Call for Solidarity with Palestine (May 2, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/2/nyc_may_day_rally_palestine_solidarity
A Message to the Protesters From Reverend Jesse L. Jackson, Sr.: A call to keep raising the tempests on campus over the Gazan horror. (May 3, 2024): https://chicagomaroon.com/42811/viewpoints/op-ed/a-message-to-the-protesters-from-reverend-jesse-l-jackson-s
Association of Flight Attendants President Sara Nelson on Mass Arrest of Anti-War Protestors (May 3, 2024): https://www.afacwa.org/mass_arrest_right_to_protest
Rashid Khalidi, Professor of Arab Studies at Columbia University: Opposed to Genocide in Gaza, This Is the Conscience of a Nation Speaking Through Your Kids (May 3, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/rashid-khalidi-columbia-gaza-speech
“This Militaristic Approach Has Been a Failure”: Meet Hala Rharrit, First U.S. Diplomat to Quit over Gaza (May 3, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/3/state_dept
Where pro-Palestinian university protests are happening around the world (May 3, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/03/world/pro-palestinian-university-protests-worldwide-intl-hnk/index.html
100-year-old Jewish activist Jules Rabin is speaking up again — this time about Gaza [In a podcast on the nonprofit news site VT Digger, Rabin referred to the tragedy unfolding in Gaza as “a piecemeal Holocaust.”] (May 4, 2024): https://forward.com/culture/609442/jules-rabin-vermont-activism-gaza-ukraine-israel/
Israel will not agree to end the war with Hamas as part of any deal [“Israel will under no circumstances agree to the end of the war as part of an agreement to release our abductees," an Israeli official told ABC News on Saturday morning. "As the political echelon decided, the IDF will enter Rafah and destroy the remaining Hamas battalions there - whether or not there will be a temporary ceasefire for the release of our hostages."] (May 4, 2024): https://abcnews.go.com/International/live-updates/israel-hamas-cease-fire-talks/israel-will-not-agree-to-end-the-war-with-hamas-as-part-of-any-deal-109924741?id=109734705
Roseann "Chic" Canfora survived the 1970 Kent State shooting. Here's her message to student activists (May 4, 2024): https://www.npr.org/2024/05/04/1249023924/kent-state-shooting-activists-protests-survivor
‘They’re sending a message’: harsh police tactics questioned amid US campus protest crackdowns (May 4, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/may/04/police-tactics-us-campus-protest-crackdowns
Anton Boonzaier: As a South African during apartheid, I admire pro-Palestine protesters’ tenacity (May 5, 2024): https://dailybruin.com/2024/05/05/op-ed-as-a-south-african-during-apartheid-i-admire-pro-palestine-protesters-tenacity
Committee to Protect Journalists condemns Israeli vote to shut down Al Jazeera; warns of alarming precedent (May 5, 2024): https://cpj.org/2024/05/cpj-condemns-israeli-vote-to-shut-down-al-jazeera-warns-of-alarming-precedent/
Union workers join students in rallies Saturday calling for a permanent ceasefire in Gaza [More than 200 people attended the Maine Labor for Palestine and Maine Students for Palestine rally.] (May 5, 2024): https://www.mainepublic.org/news/2024-05-05/union-workers-join-students-in-rallies-saturday-to-free-gaza
Oxfam reaction to Rafah evacuation order (May 6, 2024): https://www.oxfam.org/en/press-releases/oxfam-reaction-rafah-evacuation-order
Patrick Gaspard, president of the Center for American Progress: American politicians forget: disruption and disorder are the point of protests: I have trespassed in peaceful protest. I have shut down government offices in civil disobedience. I have made the powerful uncomfortable. That’s the point (May 6, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/article/2024/may/06/campus-pro-palestinian-protests
Save the Children warns of deadly consequences for children following new relocation orders for families in Rafah (May 6, 2024): https://www.savethechildren.net/news/save-children-warns-deadly-consequences-children-following-new-relocation-orders-families-rafah
The campus protesters for Gaza are making America great again: Readers on the demonstrations sweeping colleges and their hopes for the next generation. (May 6, 2024): https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/05/06/campus-protests-gaza-palestine-vietnam/
United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF): There is ‘nowhere safe to go’ for the 600,000 children of Rafah, warns UNICEF: With hundreds of thousands of children in Rafah injured, sick, malnourished, traumatized or living with a disability, UNICEF calls for children to not be forcibly relocated, and the vital infrastructure on which children rely to be protected (May 6, 2024): https://www.unicef.org/press-releases/there-nowhere-safe-go-600000-children-rafah-warns-unicef
US campus protests of Israeli ‘genocide’ offer hope to students from Gaza (May 6, 2024): https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2024/5/6/us-student-protests-of-israeli-genocide-offer-hope-to-students-from-gaza
Brant Rosen: We Tried to Bring Food Into Gaza—but Israel Blocked and Arrested Us: As Israel continues to starve the people of Gaza, a delegation of rabbis marched toward the Erez Crossing during Passover carrying sacks of flour and demanding a cease-fire. (May 6, 2024): https://www.thenation.com/article/world/rabbis-arrested-for-bringing-food-gaza/
Catholic Workers Movement: After Arrests, Students Renew Call for Notre Dame to Follow Catholic Teaching on War, Investments (May 6, 2024): https://catholicworker.org/after-arrests-students-renew-call-for-notre-dame-to-follow-catholic-teaching-on-war-investments/
Hala Rharrit, former State Department official: Biden’s militaristic policy in Gaza is a failure — diplomacy is the solution (May 6, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/4646237-biden-gaza-militaristic-policy-failure/
750+ Jewish Students Affirm Support for Pro-Palestine Campus Protests [In Response to Biden’s Speech, 750+ Jewish Students on 140+ Campuses Stand Against Israel's Rafah Invasion, Urge Jewish Institutional Action to Halt Gaza Assault] (May 7, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/news/jewish-students-support-gaza & https://mailchi.mp/israelpalestinecomms/jstudents
American Friends Service Committee: T­h­e C­o­m­p­a­n­i­e­s P­r­o­f­i­t­i­n­g f­r­o­m I­s­r­a­e­l­’­s 2­0­2­3­-­2­0­2­4 A­t­t­a­c­k­s o­n G­a­z­a (Updated on May 7, 2024): https://afsc.org/gaza-genocide-companies
‘I am leaving for the unknown.’ Palestinians fleeing Rafah describe their fear and despair (May 7, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/06/middleeast/palestinians-flee-rafah-gaza-fear-despair-intl-hnk/index.html
Kenneth Roth: Biden Should Not Stand in the Way of the ICC (May 7, 2024): https://foreignpolicy.com/2024/05/07/biden-israel-hamas-icc-gaza-netanyahu-arrest/
Labour Party of Ireland Eurocandidate for Ireland South, Niamh Hourigan: European Union leaders must push for ceasefire in Gaza (May 7, 2024): https://labour.ie/news/2024/05/07/eu-leaders-must-push-for-ceasefire-in-gaza/
Labour Party of Ireland Further and Higher Education Spokesperson Senator Annie Hoey: Solidarity with Trinity College Dublin and University College Cork Students protest for Gaza (May 7, 2024): https://labour.ie/news/2024/05/07/solidarity-with-trinity-and-ucc-students-protest-for-gaza/
Letter by Ch. Lt Col (Ret.) Stephen Tillett to the Editor: Veteran Calls for Ceasefire in Gaza (May 7, 2024): https://baltimorepostexaminer.com/letter-to-the-editor-veteran-calls-for-ceasefire-in-gaza/2024/05/07
Three Orange County medics describe wartime health care in Gaza: A once-modern string of hospitals has been reduced to desperate physicians and others relying on wits and luck. Most of their patients are children. (May 7, 2024): https://www.ocregister.com/2024/05/07/three-orange-county-medics-describe-wartime-health-care-in-gaza/
ACLU’s national director of policy and government affairs Mike Zamore and ACLU senior policy counsel Kia Hamadanchy: A disturbing national security bill could silence nonprofits and college protests (May 8, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/national-security/4651053-a-disturbing-national-security-bill-could-silence-nonprofits-and-college-protests/
Al Jazeera shutdown in Israel spells 'dark day for democracy,' say media groups (May 8, 2024): https://www.voanews.com/a/al-jazeera-shutdown-in-israel-spells-dark-day-for-democracy-say-media-groups/7603956.html
Blinken Says Israeli Units Accused of Serious Violations Have Done Enough to Avoid Sanctions. Experts and Insiders Disagree. (May 8, 2024): https://www.propublica.org/article/blinken-israel-military-aid-human-rights-violations-leahy-law
Jeremy Brecher: Anti-Genocide Students Are Fulfilling Their Duty to Prevent War Crimes; Will You? (May 8, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/students-prevent-war-crimes
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Biden’s Hold on Bomb Delivery to Netanyahu’s Government (May 8, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-bidens-hold-on-bomb-delivery-to-netanyahus-government/
The NYPD’s New Sizzle Reels Aren’t Just Dumb. They’re Dangerous. “This is copaganda, designed primarily to provide the mayor with political cover, but then also to show off the military might and alleged professionalism of the NYPD.” (May 8, 2024): https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2024/05/nypd-sizzle-reel-student-protests/
Haim Bresheeth-Žabner deplores the rot in Israeli society: 'Israel has turned into a Nazi society': The son of Holocaust survivors, Haim Bresheeth-Žabner believes the majority of Israel has been taught to normalise the occupation of Palestine (May 9, 2024): https://www.newarab.com/features/son-shoah-survivors-israel-has-become-nazi-society
‘It’s not human’: What a French doctor saw in Gaza as Israel invaded Rafah: When asked about the conditions of the hospitals he worked in, Dr. Zouhair Lahna is pained by the memories of the sick, wounded and dying. (May 9, 2024): https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2024/5/9/its-not-human-what-a-french-doctor-saw-in-gaza-as-israel-invaded-rafah
Japanese American Citizens League Calls for Ceasefire in Gaza (May 9, 2024): https://jacl.org/statements/jacl-calls-for-ceasefire-in-gaza
Republicans Funded by Arms Industry Fume Over Biden Threat to Withhold Bombs From Israel (May 9, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/news/republicans-israel-weapons
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Israel’s Threat to Attack Rafah (May 9, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-israels-threat-to-attack-rafah/
Students against genocide speak for themselves (May 9, 2024): https://newsandletters.org/students-against-genocide-speak-for-themselves/
Trapped in Rafah, I'm watching genocide unfold before my eyes: Gazan journalist Amjad Yaghi's eye-witness account in Rafah describes the horrors of Israel's ground invasion as Gazans desperately try to flee to safety. (May 9, 2024): https://www.newarab.com/opinion/trapped-rafah-im-witnessing-genocide-my-own-eyes
76 Universities in Spain Suspend Ties With Complicit Israeli Universities (May 10, 2024): https://bdsmovement.net/news/76-universities-spain-suspend-ties-with-complicit-israeli-universities
Armed Conflict Location and Event Data Project: US Student Pro-Palestine Demonstrations Remain Overwhelmingly Peaceful (May 10, 2024): https://acleddata.com/2024/05/10/us-student-pro-palestine-demonstrations-remain-overwhelmingly-peaceful-acled-brief/
Biden’s arms threat to Israel ‘better than nothing’ but too late, say U.S. officials who resigned over Gaza policy (May 10, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/bidens-arms-threat-israel-better-nothing-late-say-us-officials-resigne-rcna151454
Israel’s genocidal war in Gaza must end’ – Sinn Féin Chairperson Declan Kearney tells Global Anti-Apartheid Conference on Palestine (May 10, 2024): https://vote.sinnfein.ie/israels-genocidal-war-in-gaza-must-end-kearney-tells-global-anti-apartheid-conference-on-palestine/
Rick Salutin: I protested at Columbia in 1968 and today’s campus protests give me hope (May 10, 2024): https://www.thestar.com/opinion/contributors/i-protested-at-columbia-in-1968-and-todays-campus-protests-give-me-hope/article_a505c180-0e32-11ef-9615-e3f88eb6e034.html
Right-wing media encourage invasion of Rafah, Biden impeachment: After the Israeli military seized a key border crossing for humanitarian aid into Gaza, Biden’s statement urging restraint from Israel was met with backlash from right-wing media figures (May 10, 2024): https://www.mediamatters.org/middle-east/right-wing-media-encourage-invasion-rafah-biden-impeachment
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Rafah (May 10, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-rafah/
Strapped down, blindfolded, held in diapers: Israeli whistleblowers detail abuse of Palestinians in shadowy detention center (May 10, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/10/middleeast/israel-sde-teiman-detention-whistleblowers-intl-cmd/index.html
U.S. medical volunteers in Rafah hospital say they've never seen a worse health crisis (May 10, 2024): https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2024/05/10/1250490688/rafa-hospital-gaza-israel-war-middle-east
Pro-Israel website ramps up attacks on pro-Palestinian student protesters (May 11, 2024): https://www.reuters.com/world/name-shame-pro-israel-website-ramps-up-attacks-pro-palestinian-student-2024-05-11/
Sen. Lindsey Graham says Israel should do 'whatever' it has to while comparing the war in Gaza to Hiroshima and Nagasaki: The GOP senator compared Israel’s military operations to the U.S. dropping atomic bombs on Japan in World War II, saying, “Israel, do whatever you have to do.” (May 12, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/sen-lindsey-graham-says-israel-whatever-comparing-war-gaza-hiroshima-n-rcna151828
Gazans strive to study as war shatters education system (May 13, 2024): https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/gazans-strive-study-war-shatters-education-system-2024-05-13/
‘Total outrage’: White House condemns Israeli settlers’ attack on Gaza aid trucks: Protesters block convoy, throw food into road and set fire to vehicles at Tarqumiya checkpoint near Hebron (May 13, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/world/article/2024/may/13/total-outrage-white-house-condemns-israeli-settlers-attack-on-gaza-aid-convoy
Trump Wants to Deport Pro-Palestine Protesters—and GOP Lawmakers Are Filing Bills to Make It Happen: Republicans continue their push to punish dissent. (May 13, 2024): https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2024/05/trump-protesters-gop-marco-rubio-palestine-college-deport/
U.S. Army Officer Resigns From Defense Intelligence Agency Over Gaza Policy: Maj. Harrison Mann's letter criticized the U.S. for still supporting Israel, "which has enabled and empowered the killing and starvation" of Palestinians. (May 13, 2024): https://www.huffpost.com/entry/army-officer-resigns-defense-intelligence-agency-military-gaza-israel_n_664281dde4b04540de6e8c69
Columbia-Affiliated Union Theological Seminary Votes to Divest from Israel’s War on Gaza (May 14, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/14/serene_jones_union_theological_seminary
Palestinians mark 76 years of dispossession as a potentially even larger catastrophe unfolds in Gaza (May 14, 2024): https://apnews.com/article/israel-palestinians-hamas-war-nakba-history-b5cea9556e516655c25598d5dbe54192

I just turned 56 and I had my therapy appt today and realised vocally that I may need to make some work accomodation changes.
However, I feel like I don't deserve it.
I have been Medical Records Supervisor for a midsize mental health agency for over 20 years and honestly have had some write ups over the years and so my supervisor "Knows" my issues... but I do strive to be professional but despite my supervisors efforts to help build up my professional reputatation within the agency I have been kind of stuck. I know that the agency is shifting and making changes and I may not as valuable as I was.. so I feel pressure to "stay on top of things" and show my value when they may just say "well you are not worth it to us anymore".
I feel my supervisor has seen in me " I know you can be this person " and has tried but I don't know...
The other big issues are that I have 68 mile round trip commute which is killing me.. but then I get "well that was your CHOICE to move far away" AND there are other employees, including our new director that lives even further but they manage..
I have done ALL the things. I have tried medication, therapy, and I am even doing for a DBT group.. so it isn't like I haven't been trying. .but I feel now I need to reclaim a better work life balance.
Before the Pandemic. .I felt like things were falling apart and so the "shut down" was a welcome relief. Then about a year ago Our former older 80 year old director wanted everyone back to work full time or at least 4 days out of the 5.
I don't even work a full 40 hours. I only work until 1pm on Fridays and I do that from home.. but I do feel I need that extra day to work from home. My supervisor said SHE was fine with that arrangement but the directive came from down on high.. As long as i was putting in my hours etc..
The thing I would NEED technically is a work computer for security reasons and I wish I had asked for that during the pandemic.
I am very concerned about my mental health. I also have some physical issues such as a messed up ankle and sciatica pain that is causing me issues. We also have a cat colony (long story) that does take a bit of energy (this was not a choice but just something that we needed to do). I have ADHD and lately my anxiety is thru the roof. I have had horrendous brain fog that may be getting a bit better... with Ritalin/Adderall.. but I do feel I am getting ready to have another nervous breakdown.
Has anyone dealt with this issue before> Asking for work accommodations? How did it go? thoughts on how I can manifest it?
Thanks.

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• PER ASPERA
• Perfect
• PGA 2K21
• PGA Tour 2K21
• Pharaonic
• Pixplode
• Pizza Connection 3
• Plague tale
• Planescape: Torment Enhanced Edition
• Planet Alcatraz
• PLANET ZOO
• PlateUp!
• Pogostuck: Rage With Your Friends
• Poker Pretty Girls Battle: Texas Hold'em
• Police Stories
• Poly Island
• Post Void
• Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid
• Prank Call
• Prehistoric Kingdom
• Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
• Pretty Girls Panic!
• Prey
• Primal Carnage: Extinction
• Princess Kaguya: Legend of the Moon Warrior
• Pro Cycling Manager 2020
• Prodeus
• Project CARS - GOTY Edition
• Project Warlock
• Project Wingman (EU)
• PROJECT WINTER
• Propnight
• PULSAR: The Lost Colony
• qomp
• Quadrilateral Cowboy
• Quake II
• Quantum Break
• Quern - Undying Thoughts
• Radio Commander
• RAGE
• Rage in Peace
• RAILROAD CORPORATION
• Railroad Tycoon 3
• Railroad Tycoon II Platinum
• Railway Empire
• Rain World
• Rayon Riddles - Rise of the Goblin King
• Re: Legend
• REBEL COPS
• Rebel Galaxy
• Rebel Galaxy Outlaw
• Red Faction Guerrilla Re-Mars-tered
• Red Riding Hood - Star Crossed Lovers
• Red Ronin
• RED SOLSTICE 2: SURVIVORS
• Redout Complete Bundle
• Redout: Enhanced Edition
• Redout: Enhanced Edition + DLC pack
• Regular Human Basketball
• REKT! High Octane Stunts
• Relicta
• REMNANT: FROM THE ASHES - COMPLETE EDITION
• Republique
• Rescue Party: Live!
• Resident Evil 0 HD REMASTER
• Resident Evil 4
• Resident Evil 5 Gold Edition
• Resident Evil 7 Biohazard
• Resident Evil Revelations
• Resort Boss: Golf
• RETROWAVE
• rFactor 2
• RiME
• Ring of Pain
• Rise of Industry + 2130 DLC
• Rise of the Slime
• Rising Storm 2: Vietnam + 2 DLCs
• Riven: The Sequel to MYST
• River City Girls
• River City Ransom: Underground
• Roarr! Jurassic Edition
• Roboquest
• Robot Squad Simulator 2017
• Rogue : Genesia
• ROGUE HEROES: RUINS OF TASOS
• ROGUE LORDS
• Rogue Stormers
• rollercoaster tycoon 2
• ROTASTIC
• Roundguard
• ROUNDS
• RUNNING WITH RIFLES
• Rustler
• Ryse: Son of Rome
• S.W.I.N.E. HD Remaster
• Sailing Era
• Saint Row
• Sam and Max Devil's Playhouse
• SAMUDRA
• Sands of Aura
• Sands of Salzaar
• Saturday Morning RPG
• Save Room - Organization Puzzle
• Scarlet Tower
• Scorn
• SCP: 5K
• SCUM
• SEARCH PARTY: Director's Cut
• Second Extinction
• Secret Government
• Serious Sam 3 Bonus Content DLC, Serious Sam 3: Jewel of the Nile, and Serious Sam 3: BFE
• SEUM speedrunners from hell
• SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
• Severed Steel
• Shadow Tactics: Aiko's Choice
• Shadowgate
• SHADOWS: AWAKENING
• Shape of the World
• She Sees Red - Interactive Movie
• Shenmue I & II
• SHENZHEN I/O
• Shift Happens
• Shing!
• Shoppe Keep 2 - Business and Agriculture RPG Simulation
• Shotgun King: The Final Checkmate
• Sid Meier's Civilization VI
• Sid Meier's Railroads!
• Sifu Deluxe Edition Upgrade Bundle (EPIC)
• Silver Chains
• SimCity 4 Deluxe Edition
• Sinking Island
• SINNER: Sacrifice for Redemption
• Skautfold Chapters 1-4
• Skullgirls 2nd Encore
• Slain: Back from Hell
• Slap City
• Slash It
• Slash It 2
• Slash It Ultimate
• Slay the Spire
• Slaycation Paradise
• Small World
• Smart Factory Tycoon
• Smile For Me
• Smoke and Sacrifice
• Smoke and Sacrifice
• Smushi Come Home
• Snail bob 2 tiny troubles
• Sniper Elite 3
• Sniper Elite 3 + Season Pass DLC
• Sniper Elite 4 Deluxe Edition
• Sniper Ghost Warrior 3 - Season Pass Edition
• Sniper Ghost Warrior Contracts
• Snooker 19
• SONG OF HORROR COMPLETE EDITION
• Songs of Conquest
• Sonic Adventure 2
• Sonic Adventure DX
• Sonic and SEGA All Stars Racing
• Sonic Generations Collection
• Soulblight
• Souldiers
• SOULSTICE
• Soundfall
• Source of Madness
• Spartan Fist
• Spec Ops
• Speed Limit
• Spelunx and the Caves of Mr. Seudo
• Spidersaurs
• Spin Rush
• Spirit Hunter: Death Mark
• Spirit of the Island
• Spirit of the North
• Spring Bonus
• Stairs
• STAR WARS - Knights of the Old Republic
• STAR WARS - The Force Unleashed Ultimate Sith Edition
• STAR WARS Jedi Knight II - Jedi Outcast
• Star Wolves
• Starsand
• STASIS: Bone Totem
• State of Decay 2: Juggernaut Edition
• Steel Rats™
• Stick Fight: The Game
• Still Life
• Still Life 2
• Stirring Abyss
• STONE
• Strange Brigade
• Strange Brigade Deluxe Edition
• STRANGER
• Strategic Command: World War I
• Strategic Mind: Blitzkrieg
• Strategic Mind: Fight for Freedom
• Strategic Mind: Spectre of Communism
• Strategic Mind: Spirit of Liberty
• Strategy & Tactics: Wargame Collection
• Streamer Life Simulator
• Street Fighter V
• Street of fury ex
• Strider
• Strikey Sisters
• Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
• Styx: Master of Shadows
• Styx: Shards of Darkness
• SuchArt
• Sudden Strike Gold
• Suite 776
• Sumoman
• Sunblaze
• SUNLESS BUNDLE
• Sunset Overdrive
• Super Buff HD
• Super Mag Bot
• Superbugs: Awaken
• Superhot
• Surgeon Simulator 2
• Survive the Nights
• Surviving Mars
• Surviving The Aftermath
• Swag and Sorcery
• Sword Legacy Omen
• Sword of the Necromancer
• Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
• Syberia 3
• Symphonic Rain
• Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga
• Synthwave Dream '85
• Tacoma
• Take Off - The Flight Simulator
• Tales
• Tales from the Borderlands
• Tales of Vesperia™: Definitive Edition
• Talk to Strangers
• Tallowmere
• Tangledeep
• Tank Mechanic Simulator
• Tannenberg
• Team Sonic Racing
• TEKKEN 7
• TEMTEM
• Terminus: Zombie Survivors
• Terror of Hemasaurus
• Textorcist
• Tharsis
• The Adventure Pals
• The Amazing American Circus
• The Anacrusis
• The Ascent
• The Battle of Polytopia
• The Battle of Polytopia *DLC1. Cymanti Tribe *DLC2. ∑∫ỹriȱŋ Tribe *DLC3. Aquarion Tribe *DLC4. Polaris Tribe
• The Blackout Club
• The Chess Variants Club
• The Citadel
• The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
• THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: LITTLE HOPE
• The Darkest Tales
• The Dungeon Beneath
• The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos
• The Elder Scrolls Adventures: Redguard
• The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind® Game of the Year Edition
• The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion® Game of the Year Edition
• The Elder Scrolls Online
• The Escapists 2
• THE GAME OF LIFE 2
• The Golf Club™ 2019 featuring PGA TOUR
• THE GUNK
• The Haunted Island, a Frog Detective Game
• The Hong Kong Massacre
• The Horror Of Salazar House
• The Indie Mixtape
• The Innsmouth Case
• The Invisible Hours
• The Jackbox Party Pack 9
• The Last Campfire
• The LEGO Movie 2 Videogame
• The Letter - Horror Visual Novel
• The Long Dark
• The Manhole: Masterpiece Edition
• The Mortuary Assistant
• The Mummy Demastered
• The Outer Worlds
• THE OUTER WORLDS: SPACER'S CHOICE EDITION
• THE PALE BEYOND
• The Quarry
• The Quarry deluxe
• The Ramp
• The Red Lantern
• The Rewinder
• The Sacred Tears TRUE
• The Sexy Brutale
• The Smurfs - Mission Vileaf
• The Tarnishing of Juxtia
• The Tenants
• The Uncertain - The Last Quiet Day
• THE UNCERTAIN: LAST QUIET DAY
• The Uncertain: Light At The End
• The USB Stick Found in the Grass
• The Walking Dead
• The Walking Dead - 400 Days
• The Walking Dead Saints and Sinners
• The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
• The Walking Dead: Final Season
• The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
• The Walking Dead: Saints & Sinners
• The Walking Dead: Season 1
• The Walking Dead: Season Two
• The Way
• The Wild At Heart
• The Wild Eight
• The Witness
• Them and Us
• They Bleed Pixels
• Thief of Thieves
• This War of Mine
• This Way Madness Lies
• Three Kingdom: The Journey
• Time on Frog Island
• Tinkertown
• Tiny Tina’s Wonderland(EU)
• TINY TINA'S WONDERLANDS CHAOTIC GREAT EDITION
• Tiny Troopers
• Tinykin
• Tinytopia
• TIS-100
• Titan Quest
• Tokyo Xanadu eX+
• Tools up
• Tooth and Tail
• Torchlight
• Total Tank Simulator
• Tour de France 2020
• Tower Unite
• Trailblazers
• Train Sim World 3: Standard Edition
• Train Simulator Classic
• Train Valley 1
• Transport INC
• Treasure Hunter Simulator
• TRIBES OF MIDGARD
• Trine 4
• Trinity Fusion
• Trombone Champ
• Tropico 5 - Complete Collection
• Trover Saves the Universe
• Tunche
• Turmoil
• Turok 2: Seeds of Evil
• Twin Mirror
• Two Point Campus
• Two Point Hospital
• TYPECAST
• Tyrant's Blessing
• Ultimate Chicken Horse
• Ultimate Zombie Defense
• Ultra Space Battle Brawl
• Unavowed
• Undead Horde
• Unexplored 2: The Wayfarer's Legacy
• Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
• Universim
• UNLOVED
• Unpacking
• Until I have you
• Unto The End
• Upside Down
• URU: Complete Chronicles
• Vagante
• Valfaris
• Valfaris: Mecha Therion
• Valkryia Chronicles 4 Complete Edition
• Valkyria Chronicles 4 Complete Edition
• Valkyria Chronicles 4: Complete Edition
• Vambrace: Cold Soul
• Vampire Survivors
• Vectronom
• Velocity Noodle
• Venba
• Verne: The Shape of Fantasy
• Victoria 3
• Victoria II
• Viking: Battle For Asgard
• Virgo Versus The Zodiac
• VirtuaVerse
• Visage
• Viscerafest
• Void Bastards
• VOIDIGO
• Volcanoids
• Voltage High Society
• V-Rally 4
• Wanderlust: Travel Stories (GOG)
• Wargroove
• Warhammer 40,000 Sanctus Reach - Complete Edition
• Warhammer 40,000: Armageddon - Imperium Complete
• Warhammer 40,000: Battlesector
• Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War
• Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus
• Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf Special Edition
• WARHAMMER AGE OF SIGMAR: REALMS OF RUIN – ULTIMATE EDITION
• Warhammer vermintide collector's edition
• Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
• Warhammer: Vermintide 2
• Warman
• Wasteland 3
• Wayward
• WE NEED TO GO DEEPER
• We should talk.
• We Were Here Together
• We Were Here Too
• Webbed
• What Lies in the Multiverse
• When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
• while True: learn()
• Whos Your daddy
• Wick
• Will You Snail?
• Windward
• Witch It
• Witchy Life Story
• wizard of legends
• Wolfenstein 3D
• Worms Rumble
• WRC 6 FIA World Rally Championship
• WRC 7 FIA World Rally Championship
• WWE 2K Battlegrounds
• WWE 2K23
• WWZ Aftermath
• Wytchwood
• X-COM: COMPLETE PACK
• XCOM: ULTIMATE COLLECTION
• XIII - Classic
• X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC
• X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack
• Yakuza Kiwami
• Yumeutsutsu Re:After
• Yumeutsutsu Re:Master
• Zen Chess: Mate in One, Mate in 2 , Mate in 3 , Mate in 4 , Champion's Moves (5 games)
• Ziggurat
• Zombie Army 4
• Zombie Army Trilogy
• Zool Redimensioned

DLCs and Softwares:

• For The King: Lost Civilization Adventure Pack
• Train Simulator: Isle of Wight Route Add-On
• Train Simulator: Woodhead Electric Railway in Blue Route Add-On
• Train Simulator: North Somerset Railway Route Add-On
• Train Simulator: Union Pacific Heritage SD70ACes Loco Add-On
• Train Simulator: London to Brighton Route Add-On
• BR Class 170 'Turbostar' DMU Add-On
• DB BR 648 Loco Add-On
• Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
• Expansion - Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
• Expansion - Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
• Grand Central Class 180 'Adelante' DMU Add-On
• Peninsula Corridor: San Francisco - Gilroy Route Add-On
• SONIC ADVENTURE 2: BATTLE
• Small World - A Spider's Web
• Small World - Cursed
• Small World - Royal Bonus
• The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos - Goodies Pack
• The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos - OST
• Thompson Class B1 Loco Add-On
• Total War: Shogun 2 - Rise of the Samurai
• Train Sim World® 3: Birmingham Cross-city line
• Train Sim World®: BR Class 20 'Chopper' Loco
• Train Sim World®: Brighton Main Line: London Victoria - Brighton
• Train Sim World®: Caltrain MP36PH-3C 'Baby Bullet'
• Train Sim World®: Cathcart Circle Line: Glasgow - Newton & Neilston
• Train Sim World®: Clinchfield Railroad: Elkhorn - Dante
• Train Sim World®: Great Western Express
• Train Sim World®: Hauptstrecke Hamburg - Lubeck
• Train Sim World®: LIRR M3 EMU
• Train Sim World®: Long Island Rail Road: New York - Hicksville
• Train Sim World®: Nahverkehr Dresden - Riesa
• Train Sim World®: Northern Trans-Pennine: Manchester - Leeds
• Train Sim World®: Peninsula Corridor: San Francisco - San Jose
• Train Sim World®: Rhein-Ruhr Osten: Wuppertal - Hagen
• Train Sim World®: Tees Valley Line: Darlington - Saltburn-by-the-sea
• Worms Rumble - Armageddon Weapon Skin Pack
• Worms Rumble - Captain & Shark Double Pack
• Worms Rumble - Legends Pack
• Worms Rumble - New Challengers Pack
• Ashampoo Photo Optimizer 7
• Dagon: by H. P. Lovecraft - The Eldritch Box DLC
• Duke Nukem Forever Hail to the Icons
• Duke Nukem Forever The Doctor Who Cloned Me
• GRIP: Combat Racing - Cygon Garage Kit
• GRIP: Combat Racing - Nyvoss Garage Kit
• GRIP: Combat Racing - Terra Garage Kit
• GRIP: Combat Racing - Vintek Garage Kit
• GameGuru
• GameMaker Studio 2 Creator 12 Months
• Intro to Game Development with Unity
• Music Maker EDM Edition
• Neverwinter Nights: Darkness Over Daggerford
• Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition Dark Dreams of Furiae
• Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition Tyrants of the Moonsea
• Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition
• Neverwinter Nights: Infinite Dungeons
• Neverwinter Nights: Pirates of the Sword Coast
• Neverwinter Nights: Wyvern Crown of Cormyr
• PDF-Suite 1 Year License
• Pathfinder Second Edition Core Rulebook and Starfinder Core Rulebook
• RPG Maker VX
• WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS - Ultimate Brawlers Pass
• We Are Alright
• The Outer Worlds Expansion Pass
• A Hat in Time - Seal the Deal DLC
• City Skylines:mass transit
• A Game Of Thrones - A Dance With Dragons
• A Game Of Thrones - A Feast For Crows
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Gods of Asgard
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Mythical Monsters
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Mystics of Midgard
• Carcassonne - The Princess and The Dragon DLC
• Carcassonne - Traders & Builders DLC
• Carcassonne - Winter & Gingerbread Man DLC
• Carcassonne - Inns & Cathedrals
• Carcassonne - The River
• Splendor: The Trading Posts DLC
• Splendor: The Strongholds DLC
• Splendor: The Cities DLC
• Small World - Be Not Afraid... DLC
• Small World - Grand Dames DLC
• Small World - Cursed!
• Sands of Salzaar - The Ember Saga
• Sands of Salzaar - The Tournament
• Monster Train: The Last Divinity DLC
• WARSAW

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Wishlist
Region: NA (Canada)
Fees on buyer if any, currency is USD unless specified
CTRL + F to find your games in terms of name

• 10 Second Ninja X
• 11-11 Memories Retold
• 112 Operator
• 12 is Better Than 6
• 198X
• 1993 Space Machine
• 60 Parsecs
• 7 Billion Humans
• 8 DOORS
• 8-bit Adventure Anthology: Volume I
• 9 Years of Shadows
• 911 Operator
• A Game of Thrones: The Board Game
• A Hat in Time
• A Hole New World
• A JUGGLER'S TALE
• A Long Way Down
• A PLAGUE TALE: INNOCENCE
• A Robot Named Fight!
• A Tale for Anna
• A.I.M.2 Clan Wars
• Ace Combat Assault Horizon Enhanced Edition
• Adore
• Aeterna Noctis
• AETHERIS
• Agatha Christie Hercule Poirot The First Cases
• AIdol
• Airborne Kingdom
• Alba: A Wildlife Adventure
• Alder's Blood: Definitive Edition
• Alfred Hitchcock - Vertigo
• Alien Breed Trilogy
• Aliens vs. Predator™ Collection
• All-Star Fruit Racing
• Almost There: The Platformer
• American Fugitive
• American Truck Simulator
• Amerzone: The Explorer’s Legacy
• AMID EVIL
• Amnesia rebirth
• Amnesia: The Dark Descent + Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
• Anomalous
• Another World – 20th Anniversary Edition
• Antigraviator
• Anuchard
• APICO
• APICO
• Aragami
• Aragami 2
• Arboria
• Arcade Paradise
• Arcade Paradise - Arcade Paradise EP
• Arcade Spirits
• Arkham Horror: Mother's Embrace
• Armada 2526 Gold Edition
• Army Men RTS
• army of ruin
• Arto
• Ary and the Secret of Seasons
• As Far as the Eye
• Ascension to the Throne
• Assemble With Care
• Assetto Corsa Competizione
• Assetto Corsa Ultimate Edition
• Astebreed Definitive Edition
• Astronarch
• Attack of the Earthlings
• Automachef
• Automobilista
• Automobilista 2
• AUTONAUTS
• AUTONAUTS VS PIRATEBOTS
• Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora™ - Ubisoft Connect
• AVICII Invector: Encore Edition
• Awesomenauts All Nauts pack
• Baba is you
• Back 4 Blood
• Back 4 blood (EU)
• Backbone
• Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Edition
• Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition
• Banners of Ruin
• Bartlow's Dread Machine
• BASEMENT
• Batbarian: Testament of the Primordials
• Batman: Arkham Asylum Game of the Year Edition
• Batman: Arkham Origins
• Battle Royale Tycoon
• Battlecruisers
• Battlestar Galactica Deadlock
• BATTLESTAR GALACTICA DEADLOCK SEASON ONE
• Battlestar Galactica Deadlock: Complete
• BATTLETECH MERCENARY COLLECTION
• BATTLETECH Shadow Hawk Pack
• BEAUTIFUL DESOLATION
• BEFORE WE LEAVE
• Beholder 2
• Ben 10
• Ben 10: Power Trip
• Bendy and the Ink Machine™
• Between the Stars
• Beyond a Steel Sky
• Beyond The Edge Of Owlsgard
• Beyond the Long Night
• BEYOND THE WIRE
• Beyond: Two Souls
• BIOMUTANT
• Bionic Commando
• Bionic Commando Rearmed
• BioShock: The Collection
• BLACK BOOK
• Black Moon Chronicles
• Black Paradox
• BLACK SKYLANDS
• BLACKHOLE: Complete Edition
• Blacksad: Under the Skin
• Blade of Darkness
• Blasphemous
• Blazing Chrome
• Blightbound
• Blood And Zombies
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition
• Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
• Bomber Crew
• Boneless Zombie
• Boomerang Fu
• Borderlands 3
• Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe
• Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition
• Borderlands: The Handsome Collection
• Bot Vice
• Bounty of One
• Brawlout
• Breakout: Recharged
• Breathedge
• bridge constructor
• Bridge constructor medieval
• bridge constructor stunts
• Broken Lines
• Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
• Brutal Legend
• Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling
• BUILDER SIMULATOR
• calico
• Call of Duty® Modern Warfare 3™ (2011)
• Call of Juarez: Gunslinger
• Car Mechanic 2018
• Car Mechanic Simulator 2015
• Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
• Castle Morihisa
• Castle on the Coast
• castle storm
• CastleStorm
• Cat Cafe Manager
• Caveblazers
• Celeste
• Centipede: Recharged
• CHANGE: A Homeless Survival Experience
• Charlie's Adventure
• Chenso Club
• Chernobylite: Enhanced Edition
• Chess Ultra
• Chicago 1930 : The Prohibition
• Chivalry 2
• Chop Goblins
• Chorus
• Cities Skylines + After Dark
• Cities: Skylines
• City of Beats
• CivCity: Rome
• Click and Slay
• Cloud Gardens
• Cloudpunk
• Code Vein
• Coffee Talk
• Comedy Night
• Command & Conquer Remastered (Origin)
• Complete Dread X Collection
• Conarium
• Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
• Constructor Plus
• Control
• Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3?!
• cornucopia
• Corridor Z
• Cosmic Osmo and the Worlds Beyond the Mackerel
• Cosmonautica
• Crash Drive 2
• Crash Drive 3
• Creaks
• Creepy Tale
• Crookz the big heist
• CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
• Crush Your Enemies
• Cube Runner
• Cultist Simulator: Anthology Edition
• Curse: The Eye of Isis
• Cyber Ops
• Cybercube
• Danger Scavenger
• Dark Deity
• DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: HOUSE OF ASHES
• Darksiders Warmastered
• Darkwood
• DARQ: Complete Edition
• Day of the Tentacle Remastered
• days of war definitive edition
• Dead by Daylight
• Dead Estate
• Dead Rising 2
• Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
• Death Stranding Directors Cut
• DEATH STRANDING DIRECTOR'S CUT
• Deceased
• DECEIVE INC.
• Degrees of Separation
• Delicious! Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
• Deliver Us The Moon
• Demetrios - Deluxe Edition
• Depraved
• DESCENDERS
• DESOLATE
• Destiny 2: Beyond Light
• DESTROYER: THE U-BOAT HUNTER
• Detention
• Devil May Cry HD Collection
• Devilated
• Dicey Dungeons
• Dirt 5
• dirt rally
• Dirt Rally 2.0
• Disaster Band
• Disciples III: Reincarnation
• Discolored
• DISTRAINT 2
• Distrust
• DmC: Devil May Cry
• Do Not Feed the Monkeys
• Don't Be Afraid
• Doomed Lands
• Door Kickers: Action Squad
• Doorways: Prelude
• Downfall
• Dragons Dogma Dark Arisen
• Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
• Draugen
• Draw Slasher
• Drawful 2
• Dreams in the Witch House
• Dreamscaper
• DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders
• DRIFT21
• Driftland: The Magic Revival
• drive!drive!drive!
• Drone Swarm
• Due Process
• Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project
• Duke of Alpha Centauri
• Dungeon Rushers
• Dungeons 2
• Dungeons 3
• DUSK
• Dusk Diver
• Dust to the End
• DV: Rings of Saturn
• Dynopunk
• Earth Defense Force 4.1 The Shadow of New Despair
• Eastern Exorcist
• Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
• El Matador
• Elderand
• ELDEST SOULS
• Electrician Simulator
• Elemental Survivors
• Elex
• Elex II
• Elite Dangerous
• Embr
• Empire: Total War - Definitive Edition
• Empyrion - Galactic Survival
• ENCASED: A SCI-FI POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG
• Endless Space 2
• Endless Space 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
• Endless Space® 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
• Endzone - A World Apart
• EPIC CHEF
• Epistory - Typing Chronicles
• Escape the backrooms
• Eternal Threads
• Europa Universalis IV
• European Ship Simulator
• Everdream Valley
• Evil Genius 2: World Domination
• Exorder
• EXPEDITIONS: ROME
• Expeditions: Viking
• Explosionade
• F1 2018
• F1 2019 Anniversary Edition
• F1 2020
• F1 RACE STARS Complete Edition Include DLC
• Fable Anniversary
• Factory Town
• Fallback uprising
• Fallback: Uprising
• FALLOUT 1
• Family Mysteries 3: Criminal Mindset
• FANTASY BLACKSMITH
• FARMER'S DYNASTY
• Farming Simulator 17
• Farming Simulator 19
• Fictorum
• Field of Glory II
• Fights in Tight Spaces
• Filthy Animals Heist Simulator
• Firefighting Simulator - The Squad
• Fishing Adventure
• Flashback
• FLATLAND Vol.2
• FlatOut
• FLING TO THE FINISH
• Floppy Knights
• Fluffy Horde
• FOBIA - ST. DINFNA HOTEL
• For the King
• Forgive me Father
• Forts
• Fred3ric
• Fresh Start Cleaning Simulator
• Friends vs Friends
• Frogun
• From Space
• Frostpunk: Game of the Year Edition
• Frozenheim
• Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
• Funtasia
• Gamedec
• Gamedec - Definitive Edition
• Gang Beasts
• GARAGE bad trip
• Garden Story
• Garfield Kart
• GAS STATION SIMULATOR
• Gelly Break Deluxe
• Genesis Alpha One Deluxe Edition
• Gevaudan
• Ghostrunner
• Giana Sisters 2D
• GIGA WRECKER
• Gigantosaurus: Dino Kart
• Glitch Busters: Stuck On You
• Gloria Victis
• Go Home Dinosaurs
• GOAT OF DUTY
• GOD EATER 3
• Godlike Burger
• Godstrike
• Going Under
• Golf Gang
• Golf It!
• Gone Home + Original Soundtrack
• Good Knight
• Gotham Knights
• GREAK: MEMORIES OF AZUR
• GREEDFALL
• Gremlins, inc
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DLCs and Softwares:

• For The King: Lost Civilization Adventure Pack
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• Monster Train: The Last Divinity DLC
• WARSAW

40 yr old male. Does anyone else experience pelvic floor tension before a BM? In particular, I experience tension in the lower abdominal wall, perineum, and my testicles pull inward and almost retract into my body. I usually find some relief upon evacuation (I use a squatty potty).
I have all the contributing factors to PFD: anxiety, weight lifting, IBS-C, and I used to bike regularly. I've been to a couple rounds of PF-PT as well as completed the Overcome and Aidplan courses. Currently seeing a physiologist who specializes in treatment of chronic pain and am on an SSRI for the anxiety.
Like many others, I've spend a significant amount of time and effort to combat this ailment, so I wanted to see what others have done and what was helpful for them.