My boyfriend and I met in December 2023, started dating February 2024, and have now been together for almost 3 months. We live three hours away but see each other 2-5 times a month and call every day.
In January 2023, both my boyfriend and I went through long term breakups with our first loves. I had been with my ex boyfriend for 3 years, and he had been with his ex girlfriend on & off for 4 years.
When they were broken up, he was still very much obsessed with her. He would date and sleep with other people, but never seriously. He would leave relationships for her and block people once she would tell him she wants him back.
Their relationship was a toxic, vicious cycle that neither could break. But she was always the one that had the most power over him and would initiate all the breakups, while he would come back to her any time she was done dating other people for a little while. The final time she came back, he even proposed to her and they were engaged for a few months.
My past relationship, on the other hand, was a consistent one, and I didn’t have much dating experience after we broke up. My current boyfriend is my second relationship ever, so I’m still learning how to love someone while we both have pasts.
He acts obsessed with me. Super in love, always taking pictures of me and posting me on his social medias, spending so much money to visit me, calling me every night, making a private couple Instagram devoted to our pictures, but still brings up his ex a lot. We both had that problem a bit, but I slowly stopped doing it as often when I realized it wasn’t healthy. However, he always compares me to her. “() would do this.” “() liked this kind of music.”
Well in March, after a year of no contact between them, she (like always based on what he said) finally texted him just to see where he lived now and tell him she’s back in their hometown, asking how he is. He told me they had a short texting convo. I was a little jealous, but since he told me about it and it seemed small and short, I didn’t think too deeply. But it sent him into days worth of a spiral thinking about it. I tried not to bring it up too much.
Then one time in April, he got super depressed and wouldn’t tell me anything. I figured it was about his ex, as he still seems sad about her sometimes and talks so often about her. He got so bad that he drove the 6 hours back to his hometown where his parents live, took days off of work, which is also where she’s from and they met, and stayed with his parents.
I was dumb and suggested that he calls her to finally get some closure. He didn’t tell me if he would or not, until a week later after he was a bit himself again, he confirmed they talked but said “it’s just between me and her.” I said okay and didn’t bring it up even though it bothered me to know what the talked about.
We’ve been doing good since then, but he gets REALLY jealous of me talking with any guys at all. Like REALLY jealous. He likes to look through my phone and read my messages sometimes, which I don’t mind bc I have nothing to hide. But he don’t let me see his. Then two weeks ago, I got curious to see if he did really meet with his ex, and I saw the dreaded messages when he was sleeping (I know, it’s not good but I had suspicions).
During that time he was depressed, they didn’t call but he asked if they could meet in person. It seemed like she was really distant and not interested before or after their meeting, but he texted her things after they met up like, “I would’ve really regret if I didn’t get to see you before going to work abroad for 3 months.” And, “Are you sure you don’t have any feelings for me?”and, “I could never hate you, why would you think that? Please talk to me, I want to hear how you’re feeling.”
I tried to silently leave his apartment while he was asleep, but he woke up and cried, begging me to stay and that he’s over her, he loves me, he just needed closure to confirm she doesn’t have feelings for him so he can move on.
But it hurt me that he needed to know she doesn’t have feelings before he could continue a relationship with me. It makes me feel like if she wasn’t so distant and did have feelings, he would’ve left me immediately. I feel like a placeholder.
He also never told her about me, and told me that the reason he’s taking a work trip abroad for 3 months is because she always comes back in the summer and is scared she’s gonna final his new city and address and he won’t be able to turn her away. That was his explanation while crying to me and begging me to stay. And I said, “So the reason I’m losing my boyfriend for 3 months is because you think your ex will come back again like usual, find your new address, and you won’t be able to say no?”
It caused a huge fight, him sending her a message saying he’s with someone new now and loves me, wants to be with me, and is saying goodbye to their relationship forever.
But then after saying he blocked her, I saw a few days ago he didn’t and only hid her chat. He also sent her contact to a no name social media account that I think is his second account so that he has another way to contact her when he’s away for three months, but he says it’s not.
He said it’s the account of a friend that liked her while he was dating her and wanted to get with her if they ever broke up, so he sent her contact to this friend (which is still weird). But there’s no call or chat history with this friend. Just her contact.
So I’m wondering, should I break up with him? Is he still attached to his ex and I’m the idiot rebound?

Sorry for the long post and for the grammatical errors.
The first time I got ghosted when I was 17yo by my best friend because I got more marks in the exams. Yes she admitted after 2 years when she tried to return.But the damage was already done ,I was clueless for these years tried to reach her so many times.
Then when I was 20yo, a male friend of mine with whom I used to talk daily.And out of blue in the new year of 2015 he blocked me from every where. I bawled my eyes out and I got fever too, I used to like him and I regret not telling him. And he returned after 1.5 years only to confess his feelings but I had moved on.
I was in a relationship for 6.5years it was LDR and my ex started ghosting me on and off in year 2022 only to breakup completely in August,2022. I lost a part of me , the constant struggle of waiting for him to call/message made my self esteem low and induced anxiety disorder.
Then I joined a support group, I became friends with a guy he was funny he ghosted me too after 2 months and disappeared.
There was another guy in the support group who was very subtle down to earth, made efforts to know about me . Even though I didn’t reciprocate but after his constant efforts we became friends. Guess what! He ghosted me after 8 months of friendship. I guess, I was attached to him my mental health became ridiculous, I was exhausted of putting efforts in people. He returned too after 6 months but the damage was done.
Meanwhile I was so freaking lonely , I started using dating apps and I found someone who was sweet and understanding. I feel so connected but he disappeared after he initiated sexting and I reciprocated. A goodbye would have done better. This was my first time using dating apps. Maybe he got better options. But it made my health worse.
I took a break and started using reddit. Here a guy texted me and I was keeping my distance but he used to double text if I don’t reply. I guess the deficiency of attention made me to reply to him. And he started flirting when I reciprocated and he went all cold. I am not attached to him but I know how this is going to end.
It makes me so tired , I feel clueless and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just wanted to vent out somewhere. I don’t know when will I learn, I feel like crushing my emotions and go all numb. Btw I am 29 now.

One of my clients (and 1 man show me by proxy) is having a "fun" time combatting a scammer. They have had several intrusions into their M365 accounts because of recycled passwords, volunteering information on scam forms, etc. I've tried educating them, but they have a fairly high turnover rate and a few employees that are of that older generation that trust anything they see on the screen in front of them. It's been almost a year since we've had a mailbox compromised, so I call that progress???
Current situation is that we now have 2 different users that "reached out" to vendors requesting financial changes to their accounts. One email originated from a fraudulent Gmail address (formatted as f.last.company@gmail.com), one from a spoofed domain; so 2 different issues. We found this out because the vendor contacted my client via phone to confirm a requested change - thank goodness for that!
Question 1 - So, how does one report to Gmail a spoofed email address without having the email headers? Is it possible to get the account banned or closed? I found a form on Gmail support but it wanted headers, message subject/body, etc that we don't have since it was sent to the vendor. Have their IT report it?
Question 2 - On the fraudulent domain (the scammer just registered this a few weeks ago) they used a typo of the company name and set up apparently legit mailbox structure for communicating with people. ie: f.last@compan.com instead of f.last@company.com - I've already filed an abuse report at the site it was registered at but with little hope of getting it dealt with.
Any suggestions on how to help shore up this client against these types of attacks? Yes, we have DKIM, SPF, etc already in place, but other than trying to register all permutations of the domain misspellings? All advice will be appreciated - I'm feeling a little out of my league here!

So boyfriend decided to block me on Facebook and the phone. He stopped talking to me Sunday. Took down our relationship status Monday. Called me explaining he didn’t. But I even tagged him again and he denied it so fairly certain that he is.
Asked if he was mad. He said what had happened was he thought I was careless. Knew ahead of time me & son was sick and later got his kids sick.
Without testing I do believe we have allergies. But it’s highly probable we unfortunately shared an illness. Definitely not on purpose. But regardless he said he’d call me later as though everything was ok.
Obviously upset about it all. Understandably so. Then he didn’t return calls or text. Or change dating status he said he’d look into later. 9 hours pass by. I text and call. Straight to this person unavailable message.
Usually indicates blocked. I also stopped getting delivery notifications from his phone. So I messaged him on Facebook please call when you can so we can talk.
I understand if he needs space. Or tired because Ill whatever. You’d think saying this would be the norm. But instead he then blocks me moments later on Facebook.
20 minutes or so later I get a text I just got my kids from their Mom I promise that I will call tomorrow.
Today still blocked on Facebook and phone I’m pretty sure. Text not delivered. Haven’t bothered trying to call.
Wondering if I should just forget about him assuming ghosted and start dating again. Not a very long relationship. He did rush asking me to be his girlfriend before our first date.
I have to wonder if not a deeper issue like maybe he found or had someone else. Or just decided incompatible. So strange he can’t just come straight out and say hey I’m done or no sorry just frustrated or whatever is happening.
Wondering if I should bother, wait. How to respond and deal? Feeling sad and rejected but no clue what to do next or how to feel better.

So I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) for a couple months now. Not a long relationship, but it’s been fast moving and honestly it’s been wonderful. My bf has a son (3, we’ll cal him Timmy) who I absolutely adore and it’s very obvious that his son loves spending time with me. I never force anything on his son, but if we’re all together walking through a mall or park he wants to hold my hand, if I’m spending the night he will wake me up over his dad to get him a bottle, and there are times where I’ve been in my own home and he is crying for me. There are other things, but it does have me feeling like a stepmom
Timmy’s mom is in his life, but barely and only because her parents pressure her to be there. However, she does not enjoy spending time with her son and is constantly calling my bf to pick him up because she wants to go out clubbing or she just doesn’t want him there at her place anymore. Timmy is autistic and it’s been a learning curve for everyone as he was just diagnosed about two months ago.
There are things I keep finding out about Timmy’s mom that honestly make my blood boil. The fact that when Timmy was born premature and spent nearly 100 days in the NICU and it was mostly my bf visiting solo, the fact that for the first few months of Timmy’s life she went MIA and blocked my bf so she didn’t have to watch her son, the fact that my bf has never had a weekend off unless he specifically asks for a singular weekend, to which she will whine and complain how she has plans to go to the club. There have been times where Timmy was being dropped off at his mom’s and he was just crying and screaming saying he doesn’t want to go, trying to open the car door to get back in the car. One thing that really did it for me was that she has never spent a Mother’s Day with Timmy. Like ever. Not even a phone call with him. My bf gets him on all the holiday’s because she can’t be bothered. There is far more she’s done to piss me off, but his sister flat out told me “I’m sorry my brother chose someone so stupid to have a kid with.” His mom told me, in her best English possible (she’s an immigrant) “you are a strong girl. Fuck that b.”
So for Mothers Day this year my mom invited my bf and Timmy over. My parents both seem to really like them, and even asked if they wanted to spend the night. My dad has never been okay with me having a partner sleepover before so this was big news for me. Since we didn’t prepare for a sleepover, we made a late night run to target to grab a bottle, some milk (my parents only drink almond milk), and a little snack for us. While at checkout, the cashier told me Happy Mother’s Day. It caught me by surprise, but I realized I did look like Timmy’s mother in that moment with the three of us shopping together and buying mainly baby stuff. When we were walking out I giggled to my boyfriend about it.
It’s important to note that I had an unwanted abortion mid last year. I wasn’t in the best place, I wasn’t dating the person, and the guy had driven me the clinic because he wasn’t ready and he didn’t want to be a deadbeat dad. Everyone else in my life said it was for the best, but I still mourn that loss.
On Monday when we got back to my bf’s house he said he had something for me. He gifted me a vinyl of Harry’s Styles’s Fine Line album (something I lost years ago) and a little stuffed Care Bear since I have a thing for 80s cartoons. It was really sweet and almost brought me to tears but I held them back. He went on to explain how he wasn’t sure if I would be okay with it, but he wanted to get me something anyways, not only for the baby I lost, but also for the way I’ve stepped up and immediately accepted Timmy as part of my life. He said in the three years he’s had his son, no one has helped him out as much as I have and he is forever grateful for that. It just made me feel really lucky and blessed and appreciated. I’m so happy to have these two in my life.

Trigger warning for mention of self harm. Will conceal in spoiler block.
Turned 32 today. Traveling abroad on early 401k withdrawal which obviously would have been wise to have not done, as I was hoping a change of scenery would make me appreciate what I have more/new experiences would be positives to think about in the future.
I have one friend. After texting them saying I felt like they weren’t really interested in what’s happening in my life and the effort didn’t feel mutual or reciprocal, they said the amount I reach out is at a capacity they can’t manage, 2 days ago. They have not reached out to wish me a happy birthday.
I tried heading to a museum exhibit to take my mind off of being a friendless loser, hoping to see or hear something beautiful to, again, shift me into an area of gratefulness. I ended up at an exhibit that highlighted the process of lamentation and anguish. It was a dark space with surround sound speakers blasting people’s wailing, grieving and mourning cries. it was beautiful, but I just wanted a fucking palette cleanser for an awful start to the day (job calling me at 8 am; unfortunately did not sleep through it.) Other times of the year the space I bought tickets for hosts projections, light shows or things like eco/green roof installations. It was on me not to check what was running before buying the tickets, but I just wanted a moment of ease, or to know I am cared of or thought about. It just got to be too much and I walked further into the park the exhibit is located in and started punching my headwhile shedding a few over dramatic tears.
there have been many years where a friend or partner skips out on communicating with me on the day of my birthday because we’re on rocky terms, after I speak out. I am mentally ill and I am exhausted of driving everyone away.
I don’t know how many more solitary birthdays I can take. I don’t want to keep experiencing this.

I (32m) broke up with my ex (42m) 5 years ago. He was a thief, a drug abuser, a habitual liar, and a cheater.
It was a horrible break up, and he has basically kept the mentality that we were still in a relationship, even though I kept reminding him we were not. I tried to go no-contact, but I was basically scared of him, what he would do, how he would make me feel, because he’s manipulative, so I maintained contact and a sort of FWB relationship. I had no interest in dating anyone so it was an acceptable situation for me.
Earlier this year, I fell in love out of nowhere with a man (50M) 600 miles away. It’s a long distance relationship, but we’ve already met and everything has went so incredibly smooth until last night. I absolutely adore this man, he adores me, and he has been nothing but amazing. And I’ve tried my best to be the best boyfriend I can be.
My ex has had cancer for awhile, so I’ve also tried my best to be supportive while also setting boundaries because I am in a committed relationship. Apparently my support was not enough, my distance too great, and he attempted suicide a few days ago.
Yesterday, he asked me to block him from everything, so he could remove me from his life. I complied, sent him a short message about hoping his mental health gets better, and that I will be blocking him on very possible platform, exactly as he wanted.
He went ballistic, and started spamming my boyfriend with lies about how me and him (my ex) still hook up, how I called my boyfriend short, how I basically called him a loser in many ways, and sent him a graphic video I had sent (to my ex last year) saying I send him little videos like this all the time. He said he has HIV and that he knowingly gave it to me. I don’t think this is possible, but I will be getting checked regardless.
For more context, before my boyfriend and I were “official”, I was at my ex’s house for support because he got some really bad news regarding his cancer. I got a little drunk and blabbed about my boyfriend because he kept asking questions, and it’s hard not to gush about someone you’re falling in love with. My mistake. I should have never said anything to my ex about him. At this stage in our relationship (between me and my ex where things seemed okay), I guess I thought I could confide in him about my life.
He took everything I said and twisted them into negatives.
I have not said a single negative thing about my boyfriend to my ex, or anyone, because he’s been nothing but perfect. He is literally the most amazing man I have ever met.
So last night, my boyfriend and I had our nightly call, and I, through many tears and panic attacks, tried to explain everything my ex said. I felt almost too defensive, but I’ve never had someone lie about me to such a degree, and it was horrifying.
My boyfriend was very calm and understanding, as he knows who my ex is and how unstable he is, but I fear a seed has been planted and our relationship may be tainted. He didn’t say anything like this, in fact, he was mostly worried about my safety regarding this maniac.
My ex is still finding ways to contact me, and basically said he has the power to have me and my sister fired from our jobs, and while he “would never do that”, to know what he’s capable of.
I’m getting a restraining order as soon as I can.
I feel so fucking bad for my boyfriend, that he has to experience these emotions, read all those lies, and still figure out a way to go forward with trust, and I don’t know what to do or say.
Can I recover from this? I’m losing my mind.
Tl;dr: Ex is mentally unstable and told me to go no-contact with him for his own sake. I complied. He then went and started spamming my boyfriend with lies about how I’m unfaithful and have HIV. I explained myself, and my boyfriend was understanding, and is mostly worried about my safety, but I can’t shake the feeling I’m going to lose him over this.

I am writing this review to share my experience and to let others know about what happened in this apartment. With it being a private landlord, it is not possible to leave reviews on a website or google, so I thought reddit is the next best thing. Let me start by saying - some of this is my fault for not sussing things out. I was in a bad situation before and was on a quick time crunch, so i said yes to this apartment quickly and without thinking.
This is a review of the Southside House on the corner of 14th St. S. Right next to dreamland. I lived in one of the bottom floor units. This apartment is owned by Fred Nasser.
I began renting here in April 2023 I was taking over a couple sublease. Let me say the first red flag should have been that the bedroom was EMPTY when I toured. I asked them why they are keeping it empty and not using it as the bedroom and they said they were using it for “storage” when there are literally 6 weird closets in this house. However, I just let that slide because to each their own? But I do think, in my opinion, they experienced the same thing that happened to me.
Sometime in the summer of 2023, I saw some house flies in the bedroom. Maybe like 3 of them? I thought “no big deal. maybe they just snuck in.” I come back from the gym, and there are literally at minimum 60 flies. All in the bedroom. Just on the bedroom window. They are not in the kitchen or anywhere else. I called Fred. He came out and sprayed the next day and yay he also caulked the windows completely shut and caulked dead flies into the window sill! But whatever I thought this was an old house.
Other experiences in the house - roaches. Not a full blown infestation but definitely concerning to have small baby roaches in the bathroom. Also neighbors in the upstairs who, and I am sorry to whoever is up there going through this, are in a toxic domestic situation. I would often hear someone in that apartment screaming “get the fuck out. I am going to K*ll myself” and banging so loud on one of the doors that my apartment would shake. I saw mold in the bathroom when i first moved in, and the next day it was “fixed.” Also can’t do laundry and bath at the same time because the water will be crazy. The shower frame (?) connector to the ceiling broke off due to so much water and steam eroding it away due to there not being a fan in the bathroom asked fred to come fix it…. he did not. I had to end up getting some wood to drill to the ceiling to then drill the shower frame into.
Fast forward to March 2024. The flies in the bedroom are BACK. Once again, just in the bedroom. However, this time there is a smell of rotting meat. I reach out to fred on Wednesday, and he says he will be out FRIDAY. But whatever, I will be patient. The flies continue to get worse and the smell becomes unbearable. I moved EVERYTHING out of the bedroom and into the living room. There is nothing in the actual bedroom that was causing this smell. I am updating Fred about the condition. He comes out on Friday and I text him later, as I was not in the apartment due to the flies and smell, asking him how it went. He says “Good. nothing dead.” I come back Friday evening and the flies are dead but the smell is still there. It was getting more and more pungent over the next week. I was running an ionizer to eliminate the smell, which would work for a few hours and then the smell would come back. I sent Fred a text on Friday, one on Saturday, and one on Sunday. All saying something like“Hey! I just want to let you know the flies are coming back and the smell is getting worse.” The flies were starting to come back on Saturday and continuously got worse. On Sunday…. my text did not deliver. I thought maybe he turned his phone off for the weekend. I wait till Monday. I send a text explaining how it is getting worse and there has to be something dead. My message does not deliver. I get a friend to send him a text, and it immediately delivers. I realized I got BLOCKED, or this is my opinion of what happened. This is my landlords only contact and he is also the maintenance.
I download Google Voice and text him that I need this to be taken care of as it is not livable and I will have to break the lease if not. He lets me out of the lease with it written that this will not affect my rental history or my credit. He also sends me back my full security deposit.
I am writing this to warn other people about my experience. I am concerned that someone so quickly has moved in after I moved out only 2 weeks ago. I really hope the smell and fly problem was fixed.

My cat has so many problems, but he’s old 15.5 years. He has hyperthyroidism, bladder crystals and some other unknown problem (possibly IBD). For the most part he has been ok, just losing weight and we can’t figure out why. Yesterday we ended up at the er because he was struggling to pee and just wondering around peeing a tiny bit with blood. I knew he wasn’t blocked. He is on antibiotics to treat the infection (if that is what it is) bladder was also inflamed.
My questions are has anyone experienced utis with older cats, how long does it take the antibiotics to work? He has had one dose. But still trying to pee all the time but now he is back to using the litter box so I guess that’s better. And lastly and I am tearing up as I write this. How much is too much? We have been to the vet so much, he does well for a few months then there is another emergency. I thought I would know when he was ready, but I can’t tell. I don’t want to prolong his suffering and most of the time he is okay. I don’t want to keep him alive for me but I also don’t want to put him down before his time. Hopefully it is just a nasty infection and he will feel better soon. But watching him suffer is so heartbreaking.
Waiting on a call from his regular vet now. Any advice or if you just want to tell me about your experience with older cats that would help. Thank you.
Please don’t tell me to go to the vet, I have been and I don’t have any answers.

I broke it off with him explaining all the reasons why. He never initiated anything and was becoming obsessed with sex to the point I just didn't want to see him anymore because I knew hee would be all over me without doing anything that we can bond over and create memories, never wanted to talk about issues..but rather went cold for a few days and came back like nothing happened, which made me resentful and I broke up, Now he is contacting me again, using the same "technique". first, he ignored my long breakup message (I broke up over a looong text because he wouldn't answer his phone for the entire day and was just not interested in ever talking to me about issues - we were also LDR for the past 6 months - used to live together before) He out of the blue sent me a sweet message that is more like an inside joke..not even asking how I am, why we broke up, can we work things thru, nothing...just something like "hello my flower" (but as a cute inside joke we had) and keeps trying to contact with messages like that. I ignored him, He called, I ignored a call, and now he sent me the same stuff in my e-mail. I don't know what to do. I feel bad if I block him, but I think he is once again ignoring my feelings and what I have shared with him and is acting like nothing happened. - sorry for bad engllish it is not my native language. Why is he doing this?

on friday i (18f) got weird texts from a number i dont know (but its my area code) and they know my full name and very sensitive information that ive only told my closest of friends (who were with me at the time so i know its not them pranking me.) they said these things about how we had sex and went on all these dates and that i’ve been with 3+ guys sexually, all of which is not true. i’ve only been on dates with my current boyfriend (18m) and only been sexual with him. this person also started saying how embarrassing it is that im with my current boyfriend. that’s when i blocked the number because it was getting creepy. they said i gave them my number which is not true unless it was at least 4+ years ago because since covid started i literally haven’t given my phone number to anyone new except my boyfriend.
this is getting really scary considering they know so much sensitive information that was never posted online or anything. should i call the police?

dear bean
yknow i know you definitely will not care about this and you will probably tell your friends and say how desperate or annoying or needy or shitty I am, and its fine - say what you want. because honestly I couldn't care less about how you think about me but I just want to be heard from your end one final time. and yea I did say that a couple times, I've tried reaching out a couple times, I've tried being a mature person even though I was actually breaking inside. so yea, I'm sorry I lied, sorry I said it would be my last time contacting you but breaking that promise every time, but this time it really will be the last time.
honestly, I think we had a good run for the what, 4 months we were friends? i have nothing bad to say about you, and even though it was hell after whatever you would call that, I still don't dislike you or hate you or feel negative feelings towards you, cause at the end of the day, we're all humans living life and we can decide when someone isn't worth being in our life anymore (that might sound passive aggressive, it wasn't supposed to sound like that, just read it like I understand the feeling). if you're annoyed by this email - don't keep reading, I'll just go on and on and I guess this email (that I will never send) is just a way for me to reflect and understand my feelings while also giving you, the bean that I knew, a chance to come out one last time before shutting me down once and for all. yea so if you're gonna go beserk from this email, dob me out to all your friends, then I suggest you leave before I pour my heart and soul out.
you were actually really cool in my eyes, talented and smart, it was hard not to admire the determination you had and the willingness to do things. and I hate admitting it, and I know my friends hate hearing me talk about it, but I miss you and your presence. yes, sue me, no I'm not in love with you, yes you made that big of and impact on me. i was scared of you when you first joined honk, you had very sharp and cool eyes. and again - you were talented which intimidated me. but overtime, I understood that you weren't scary, you were actually so sweet and funny and really silly. i liked how you pushed yourself to try harder and new things, like clarinet 1 in honk. i don't even know how we started chatting, I think you were looking for some sheet music or something. honestly it was nice talking to you, even from the beginning. it was fresh talking to someone new, I didn't have high expectations of where this friendship would go but I was happy enough to enjoy the moment while it lasted.
and well, that moment lasted a while. we talked for a week and I could already tell that my crappy feelings would complicate things - I just never met someone so like me before. even though I didn't have strong feelings, I knew they were there, but I still chose to talk to you. how foolish right? i mean we had the same interests, music (clarinet!!), txt, twisted tales, it was a coincidence meeting someone who was like a mini me. and of course, when we started talking about crushes, I felt adrenaline and just kept going until I just puked my feelings over you. I'm not sure how you felt then when I admitted I liked you, but if it was hard for you or if it made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. putting you in that position must have been hard so i'msorry. you said you weren't ready for anything serious, but I was just excited, too happy to find someone finally, that it didn;t occur to me how fast i might be going.
we had our issues, but i thought that we loved each other. i loved you so i thought that even though i had issues, talking it out with you was always the best way to work things out. communication is key, that's what i told myself. i guess it wasn't key, unless it's the key to making friendships break apart. i guess i just tricked myself into thinking you loved me just as much as i loved you, so i thought you had the same idea of communication as i did. and honestly i think a part of me was right, because you did try. but it was my fault, i kept bringing in other little small things that affected me and you had to put me back together. and i guess that must've been annoying cause at some point you just stopped trying. I'm not saying that that's an issue or that it was your problem, I'm under the impression it was all my doing.
looking past that, i seriously loved you so much. i neglected a lot for you - again not blaming you, i did it because i really really loved you so much and i wanted the best for you in every circumstance (even if it didn't seem like it). i left my friends a lot, my mum noticed i was getting more distant and well, after things ended i got into touch with my loved ones again, so I'm in a way grateful for you for doing that.
love is hard to describe. but i knew i had love for you. i said i loved my other crushes. but they were absolutely nothing compared to what i had for you. i had love for you that was comparable to my best friend (don't tell her that). mayve you can tell but words could not describe how or what i felt after things ended. not sure what your breaking point was, but it must have been a big point. i have 3 main points regarding this end of whatever we had:

1. what is it we even had? you said we were just friends - i accept that - but i feel like it was definitely not what i saw. and yes, maybe this is subjective BUT i don't think friends hold hands (well they do but they're not afraid to), they don't celebrate "months of friendship" (recalling every month we were "together" we would celebrate) and friends don't kiss each other's foreheads like that (and if they didn't like it, they'd stop each other). honestly, I'm cringing recalling the fucking embarrassing things i did but it needs to be addressed. i have to ask you - and there's no shame in being truthful because i don't care anymore - what did you see us as? was i a one time fling? was i seriously just your friend? did you have feelings for me then realise i was too high maintenance to handle and dropped me? or maybe there was another factor. that brings me to my next point.
2. was there another person who you realised was better? again, while an average person might see this as morally incorrect - i do not care - you're human and you can feel whatever you want for whoever you want. But i’m genuinely asking, did you? Was it the guy you liked in year 6? The one who bullied you? Call me a detective but, i remember seqc calling one night after things ended, i was back from vietnam and had slightly accepted the idea of the situation. you pulled out some messages from a boy on discord, it was of him admitting he liked you back in year 6. i looked at the date, it was the 6th of january 2023, 9 days before you had the courage to break it off with me. Did he maybe have a part in this? Did you maybe feel things weren’t working out with me and realised you had a chance with someone else so you took it? AGAIN NO SHAME - you do whatever you want to do in life, i’m not shaming you or judging you I just genuinely want to know. I also saw you posting about a boy on your story - not sure if its the same boy but if it was, i hope it went well for you. Sorry these were all the conspiracy theories i made up to cope - crazy right? Imagine what a person can do to you.
3. why did we stop being friends? Even though things didn;t work out romantically (or what i thought was romantic, you thought of as friendship), i don’t know what happened to us. You told me you wanted to be friends. I also wanted to be friends. The only reason that kept me alright was the idea that even though you don’t think of me more, i could still keep you as a friend - someone i could share my passions with and geek out over txt music with. Thats why i tried to stay friends with you. I really and truly did try to make ‘friends’ work with you. But the more i tried - the more annoyed you got. Or i think you were getting annoyed. I wouldn’t know because you didn’t tell me how you felt afterwards. I tried to make it work because you said we could be friends but you gave up on me. I think that’s what hurt me the most - breaking your word. I keep saying it, but you’re entitled to do whatever you want, but it left an emotional scar on me. I don’t want to admit it, but on the days you started at (bean's new school name), i woke up early just to talk to you, to keep you company on the bus on your first few days. Yea cringey i know, bare with me please. I thought I owed you that, i thought that being friends with you after you ended ‘things’, i had to earn my right so i tried, i really tried to be my best for you, so you felt that maybe it was worth keeping me around. And maybe, maybe i was still in love with you then. But i think you saw talking to me for three days straight at 7am was annoying and you were probably uncomfortable because it was me. I feel like you saw me as a creep - almost like a pedo. But i tried and you gave up on me, and there was a time a couple months later where we were perfectly fine, but then things just went again.

you might think I just had silly little feelings for you. but I didn't. i really had feelings for you. and I don't know if you genuinely didn't see me that way, or you didn't have feelings for me, if you just thought it was a silly little thing we had going on or if you're hiding the fact you did like me at some point. I just know that losing you as a friend really crushed me to pieces. and yes you told people you never want to talk to me or talk about me - which is fine you're entitled to your own rights - but I just wanted to get this off my chest. one last time - I promise.
I don’t know if this will get to you. It probably won’t, theres a bit too much that i wrote in here. Do you care about this still? Definitely not (I’m assuming). It’s embarrassing how much I think about this and how much i regret not letting my feelings out before you removed me as a friend on instagram and discord (or even blocking me on spotify, not sure how spotify was a way for me to get to you but whatever works i guess). This issue has been taking up my mind for the last few years, and it really does suck. But I’m gonna let it out, so im sorry if you got up to here.
Not sure how much this means to you, but you can contact me anytime if you want to let out your feelings (of life, not about this or me), i want to support you as much as i can. I can also help you with coping with school - again i don’t think you’d take me up on that but it’s always an option if you need it. I won’t make it weird, i wont bring this up again, i’ll talk to you like you’re one of my friends.
I haven’t heard much about your feelings in this - feelings of anger, regret, sadness. If you do want to share (you most definitely don’t have to), email me, text me, contact me and we can talk about how you felt too. This email was for me to finally write down what i wanted to let out and finally let go of what happened (even if you think it was miniscule, it wasn’t for me).
Life is hard, and I learnt that through you and the experience of you. So thank you for teaching me this. Thank you for showing me what love felt like, and thank you for being my first love. You made it very hard for other people because i only compared them to what I had with you. But in saying that - I made life long friends who helped me cope. And I hope you found some life long friends as well.
I hope you have a good life (in saying that, i am assuming we will never meet each other ever again - but if we do meet again disregard this).
Thanks for everything (and nothing as well) (while that sounds bitter, its more like a thank you for what you taught me - life lessons and all - but also thanks for the pain i had to feel afterwards, while that pain was not enjoyable, it was what taught me).
kind regards,
toad
to readers: i censored the names for privacy, but i called her bean (as a nickname - it really suited her), and i was known as her 'toad', hence the names.

Unfortunately my no contact with Nex was rudely interrupted once I completed one month mark. I have blocked all his accounts. Unfortunately he found a way to call me using No Caller Id that surpasses his blocked number. He went on talking, apologizing, crying, blaming me, asking me to keep talking to him atleast once per day. I felt bad. But I remained strict. I told him to see therapist, tell his friends his emotional state and about the breakup which he hasn’t done still. The only reason that I’m getting these calls after 1 month mark is because now he’s back to living alone in his apartment as his friend who was staying there just left 2 days ago. It makes sense. He’s calls go from. “Tell me everything that I did wrong” to “Please stop blaming me I can’t take it anymore”, then from “you were right about everything like him being emotionally manipulative“ to “because of me you have made such progress” then “please keep talking to me because I’m not able to sleep” “support me to get over you by talking to you because you have done it so well”. Well I know, it’s my bad to have talked to him for so long. Literally talking to him and his manipulative words takes my progress backwards. I have told him that for my own sake of mental wellbeing I will not be picking his calls and please reach out to his friends and therapist instead. Of course he wouldn’t respect this. I found a way to silence the No caller Id calls but not block yet. So I see the missed calls. It’s seriously disturbing. I feel guilt and bad for him too. Because he doesn’t have capacity to process emotions. I know it’s not my responsibility either, after all that’s happened. Somewhere I’m scared how he’ll be able to deal with all this especially living alone. But I know I would only go more into the pit if i keep letting him get to my head.
Unfortunately every single word from his mouth affects me and I have to keep him blocked. Conversation with him leaves my brain foggy. It really hurts to leave someone you loved in this condition, after all the moments we have shared, promises made and some of the good stuff he’s done for me. But There’s just no way for this one. Hope I’m not the AH to ignore his calls which could be potential pleas for help and redemption in order to protect my peace.
I feel like how can we block another human out like this as if they were an insect. Then I feel that insect is a poisonous scorpion. And this is a true test of my selflove and self preservation to decide will I let the Scorpio bite me piece by piece until i m no more or will I never let that Scorpio near me.

Throwaway. I'm going to sound like a psycho here and I understand that. I truly wish I wasn't acting like this right now but I can't shake it.
My husband and I have a 8mo daughter and when I was around 4 months pregnant, he started going out A LOT. He got really close to a guy he worked with and it went from 0 to 100 so quickly that it made my head spin. Prior to meeting this guy my husband only went out maybe once a month but after getting close to this guy, he was going over to this guy's house practically every day for a couple hours after work and then going over there again every weekend just about. At first I was invited, but I'm an introvert so going over to this guy's house constantly was severely destroying my mental health because I never had time to recharge; and frankly, I was tired of being around him and my husband because they would just get drunk and it wasn't fun for me. I have not been invited at all since I was like 7 months pregnant, I think.
I could look past most of what I listed above but there's more to it.. a couple months ago things started really becoming a problem. He would hang out with this guy after work, come home and jump on video games WITH this guy and just sit on the game until he got ready to go to bed. This lasted pretty much all winter. He was still hanging out with him almost every Friday and Saturday. The only time it changed was when I absolutely lost my shit because he wasn't spending any time with me at all. He would hang out with the baby but him and I just never talked anymore unless he was trying to get me to sleep with him. I brought it up to him a lot. If I was calm, he was receptive and would apologize. But if I was angry because I was tired of repeating myself, he would freak out and say things like "I work all the time" or "no one asked me how the fuck I felt after you gave birth" (because I said I was depressed and isolated). He would later apologize for flipping out but I guess it just started destroying me little by little and I just shut down and stopped talking to him at all.
But here's the problem.. the last time I absolutely flipped out, I didn't give him a chance to speak. I just started packing me and the babies stuff. He got better for awhile. Didn't go out for like 3 weeks. Stopped spending any more than an hour on video games. Started hanging out with me and the baby as much as possible. But then he downloaded Snapchat not too long ago, saying he wanted to use the filters on the baby (because I do that) but his snap score keeps going up? Even if we haven't used it to talk to each other for days. He's started going out again. The other day we had a fire and he hung out with his buddies wife the entire time (like 4 hours) but barely spoke to me. He "had to work" on Mother's Day but Sundays his work is closed (he said they had a delivery which COULD be possible, as those are always scheduled for weekends). So... I did the unthinkable and went through his phone when he was sleeping. I didn't find much, outside of blocked numbers (he never blocks numbers). There was 2 on there. I took a picture of them. The next night, I checked again and the numbers were switched positions (like he had unblocked them and then reblocked them in a different order). I called one of the numbers private and it was a woman. I called the other one but they didn't accept private calls. I told my husband what I did and said that I am feeling incredibly untrusting at this point. He was not mad that I went through his phone and said that he has no idea who's numbers were on the blocked list or why they switched positions (he said he had been getting calls for someone else awhile ago so maybe he blocked them and doesn't remember but it doesn't say when they were blocked so maybe that's the truth, because I have witnessed him getting calls for a guy named "Jake") and that his snap score keeps going up from viewing public stories. He's bothered that I don't trust him but I don't know anymore? Am I wrong?
ETA: just a quick add here, my husband is actually a very loving man to me and it does seem like he's actively trying to include me and be more available. I love him to death as well. But something feels ... wrong? And he's very intelligent when it comes to technology so he would know how to delete stuff so I couldn't see it. I just don't want to jump the gun and leave if he really isn't doing anything, you know?

I’ve been trying for the past several days to book an appointment through TLS in London. Every single time I click “Book Appointment” on the France-Visas website, I’ve gotten the “you’ve been temporarily blocked” message, including the first time I ever tried it. I’ve gone on data, a different wifi, a hotspot, used both phone AND laptop, and done everything else imaginable - how on earth do I book an appointment?? I tried calling the number on their website and it said it’s no longer in service, and they don’t appear to have an email address I can contact. Anyone has a clue what else I can do??
Also, I need my visa by the 6th of June - how likely is it that I can get an appointment slot that delivers my visa in time? I can’t even check the current slot openings bc of this whole issue so I really don’t know what to do…

So me (18f) dated a (19tm), and he was quite obsessed, and toxicly possessive of me. After a while of them crossing my boundary’s many times, I broke us off for my own mental health, and they kept being persistent about getting back together with me. I blocked them on all socials after that. I later find out that they created new socials to stalk mine. I knew this because when they did, they would contact me through there, saying who they were. Now, this was about 2 months later, so I didn’t block them immediately. But then figured out later it was complete stalking, while they also gave me threats of physical harm or SA. I blocked them again, on all socials, and talked to the principal of our high-school. He said he would talk to them, and their mother (who is a teacher there), and to call law enforcement to get a restraining order. They gave me a note in a class that said that I got them in a lot of trouble, and how hurt they were, and how I “lied and shouldn’t of done it”, when all I did was say the truth. They could possibly get kicked out of TEC, but imo, I don’t think that’s a bad punishment. AITA?

What is Dark Magic?
That's the question, I'm sure, if not every single one, but the majority of readers asked themselves at least once. Dark Magic in general is described as magic malicious in nature, one that's used to cause harm. It doesn't really make sense: a good applied Incendio is just as well to kill you as a swift Killing Curse, even more painfully, in fact. Or why Imperius is Unforgivable, but love potions are totally fine and legal and not considered Dark? And I'm sure people here are painfully familiar with many such arguments.
Did you know that "Petrificus Totalus" spell Hermione used on Neville at the end of the first book is a dark charm? Apparently, according to "The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1" from Pottermore, jinxes, hexes and curses (though the last one is obvious) are all dark spells. And that includes such things as Ron's Slug-Vomiting Curse, Ginny's signature Bat-Bogey Hex, even Leg-Locking Curse that Draco used to bully Neville in first year. All because their purpose is to cause a negative effect.
So, some Dark Magic is bad, but other is used regularly in schoolyard fights, and no one bats an eye. Where's the line and who sets it?
Alright, Dark Magic in canon doesn't make sense. That means, that a lot of fic writers take it upon themselves to fill the gaps in logic and give their own definitions of what magic constitutes as dark. From the top of my head, I can remember a few, let me know if you recognize them:

• Dark magic is magic that's powered by emotions. Everyone knows that to properly use Killing or Cruciatus Curse, you have to fully desire to cause death and pain, so that fits. Also, by this definition, Patronus Charm is dark because it's powered by happiness. Why not, quite a good irony.
• Dark magic is powered by external source, while "light" magic is internal. I don't remember the details, but it was something to the effect that external makes it more powerful, and power corrupts, so it's feared. A bit strange but has a nice message behind it. Also, why I'm on the topic, a friendly reminder to those who are too deep in fanon and mix things up with canon. There's no such thing as "light" magic, just like there was no "Light" side in the war. There's Dark and there's everything else.
• Dark magic is one that is secret familial magic. People develop or discover new spells and for whatever reason decide not to share them, but to hoard them in their family grimoire, so other people don't know such a powerful spell or countermeasures against it. Usually this is followed by some heavy pureblood Houses politics, Lordships and such. Also, I've seen fics where bloodline gifts such as Tonks' metamorphmagus ability were considered Dark Magic for whatever reason (Bashed Dumbledore's propaganda to suppress pureblood Houses, more likely).
• Dark magic is the one that's forbidden by government. This is my personal favorite, as I prefer harder magical systems. In this case, it means that there's nothing inherently wrong in this magic, it's not different in nature from any other magic, just one that's seen as too dangerous. Of course, it also invites a heavy abuse by government to declare anything they don't want to as dangerous Dark Magic that's to be prosecuted for, but that's another story.

I like these theories, I like when people try to come up with their own interpretations or their ways to fill the holes in lore and logic. Not all of them I agree with, but it hardly matters.
What peeves me, however, is when authors use this fact, that there's no clear definition of Dark Magic or Dark Arts, as an excuse to basically do whatever they want. A character (more likely, main one) does or practices something that people don't like, so they just accuse them with an empty argument "it's bad, it's Dark Magic!". And no one can argue, because no one understands what Dark Magic even is! They don't have a box list of criteria to disprove. "I don't know what you're doing, I don't understand it - it's Dark Magic, it's bad."
It's one of the favorite arguments in Hermione or Order bashing stories when MC does something they do not approve of. Dumbledore bashing uses a bit different arguments, but this one can also be included.
It's just such a... I don't want to call it a bashing tool, because I can't say if every such story involves a heavy bashing, but it has potential to be, at least. I'd call it a bludgeoning tool. Just a blunt method to make characters do whatever they want without the need for any finer details: it's so much easier to just use the brand "Dark Magic" and get over it, why give any explanations.
Although, to be completely fair, canon does it as well to some extent.

“Did something happen to it when Flint blocked him?” Seamus whispered.
“Can’t have,” Hagrid said, his voice shaking. “Can’t nothing interfere with a broomstick except powerful Dark magic — no kid could do that to a Nimbus Two Thousand.”

Non-Dark magic can't do something like that? What is Dark about taking control of a broom anyway? Though, admittedly it's Hagrid, no matter his virtues, not the most reliable or knowledgeable of sources on this topic.

“Ask him,” shrieked Filch, turning his blotched and tearstained face to Harry.
“No second year could have done this,” said Dumbledore firmly. “It would take Dark Magic of the most advanced — ”

Again, I don't understand what the heck it is, so it must be Dark Magic. But, it is Dumbledore and highly knowledgeable wizard, plus it's clearly a harmful effect, so it's more assumption based on those, plus experience.

“Nonsense, O’Flaherty,” said Professor Binns in an aggravated tone. “If a long succession of Hogwarts headmasters and headmistresses haven’t found the thing — ”

“But, Professor,” piped up Parvati Patil, “you’d probably have to use Dark Magic to open it — ”
The Chamber of Secrets can't be kept a secret without resorting to Dark Magic? If no one found it, so it must be something truly obscure and terrible, so it's Dark. But, I mean, she's a second year girl...

Black jumped at being addressed like this and stared at Hermione as though he had never seen anything quite like her.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how — how did you get out of Azkaban, if you didn’t use Dark Magic?”
But Hermione surely disappoints here. Apparently, non-Dark countermeasures are all accounted for, so if they failed he must have used some Dark stuff.
It's very sad picture, which says about either ignorance on the matter, which is excusable for children but pity that it's not taught, or arrogance in the assumption that you know every bit of non-Dark magic there is and can be.
Anyway, we came back to the canon and it's understanding of Dark Magic. I spent some time thinking about it, what J.K.Rowling meant by it, without resorting to any headcanons.
No one can argue that Harry Potter series is filled with symbolism as any good fiction tends to be. It's a story for children, at least started as, and young adults, so besides a good adventure it also contains a moral message and more than one. The story of Boy-Who-Lived is about love and redemption, first and foremost. "Love is the most powerful thing in the world" is not just a preaching of a senile old man, but the most central point of the whole book series.
So, based on this, I believe that in canon Dark Magic at its basics is the magic that corrupts the soul. What it means is open to interpretation, as it often is when the topic of a human soul is involved. It's all based on the same moral messages between the lines: when you do bad things to others, it slowly but surely corrupts your soul, and if you fall into temptation, only love and compassion can heal the harm done to yourself. Harry vs Voldemort is basically the fight between Love and Hate, Soul and Soulless. That's why Patronus is basically an epitome of defense. And that's why Horcruxes are considered to be The Darkest of Magic, when it literally tears the soul apart. And that's why the cold blooded murder is even involved in the process of making one - metaphorical tear becomes literal.
To be completely honest, I find myself a bit resentful of the message, no matter how nice and beautiful it sounds. It somehow implies that soul is only about love, compassion, friendship and so on, that any negative feelings do not and must not have a part in it. But, I guess, it's a bit too much of a philosophical, ethical and psychological question to dive into in here.

So me and my ex had a great relationship however it was definitely not perfect he made mistakes I made too. I forgave his mistakes when it came to my mistakes he didn't. I definitely wanted things to work out with him and he did not but that's also okay. For two months I felt him fading away and this year january he broke up with me eventhough I had seen that coming but it hurt me really bad.
But even on that day when he was broke up he wanted to have a fwb sorta relationship because he said this is something that is what I want. Tbh, I could not say anything because I kinda wanted to be close with him because am emotionally attached to him so I agreed to that situation. Afterwards I felt horrible and told him multiple times to let me go he never agreed and kept saying we should be "friends". I cannot say no to that I do not have that strength. In my heart it creates hope that staying in contact would help me restore the relationship I do not know whether that is happening or not because he has strictly said to not talk about it or anything related to our past.
During the relationship I neglected my career to a great extent and being a career oriented person I am starting out with my MBA this year working towards my goal creating a better future for me. I also need to work on my anxious attachment style which caused a lot of issues in the past relationship so I do not want to date anybody other than if my ex comes back during these two years and am intending to go through and tolerate this entire fwb situation with my ex its not what my values agree with but I cannot also say I hate this feeling because I love my ex but am not even allowed to express my emotions now. I think he knows exactly how I feel. I don't initiate meet ups/texts/calls with him he does that like maybe 3-4 times a month.
I plan on asking him to get back after two years and if he does not agrees to it I will block him and will tell him very clearly again to not stay in touch in any shape/form, and I will not also agree to it I know I will have the strength to cut him off that time.
However, as of now I am seeing he is following multiple people on instagram (we do not follow each other so I do not know if those are girls or guys or something else entirely) but its kinda scares me what if he finds someone to be in a relationship with while all this time keeping me as an option. I don't want to be in that situation neither am I able to get away from this loop.
I also feel tremendous guilt because I think I ruined my perfect relationship with this perfect person because of some things related to my anxious attachment style which was caused by my multiple toxic relationships in life. I am not able to just forgive myself for ruining this relationship and this is a vicious painful cycle and I want to get out of that too.
So, I need help in figuring out how to feel bette break this loop. Also, I have seen a lot of helpless people in this sub so if anybody wants to vent out their situation please feel free to do the same. Send me a dm so that we can help each other by listening/ venting.

For some background - my husband and I have been together since junior year of high school. We are now 37 - have been married almost 14 years, two kids ages 7 and 9.
His relationship with his mom has always been strained. The first time I met her when I was 17 she looked at me then back to my hubby and said “well i hope you use a condom”. When we got engaged she told him “theres so many fish in the sea”. So obviously her distaste for me has been since day one.
Ive expressed so many times over the last 20 years how I dont want to be in the middle of their discord and finally in 2022 asked her to please not call me or text me and to communicate only with her son as I need to protect my mental health and can not put up with constantly being blamed for my husband wanting no relationship and not allowing her around the kids.
My husband has also not spoken to her or responded to any calls or texts from her since around this time. So naturally in her head this is all my fault.
On Mother’s Day she called my cell. I did not answer. She starts off her message purposely calling me by the wrong name and then saying “whatever u wanna be called”. She then moved on to say its so difficult to talk to me bc Im always so mean. Its horrible and unhealthy for us to hold onto anger or the past. Everyone thinks its strange we behave this way.
This obviously ruined my day a bit. My husband was like just ignore it, she wants you to react and wants to piss us off so we look crazy. Anyone who knows us knows you arent mean and that shes not right in the head.
I know he is right and that shes just trying to get a reaction and she craves attention even if negative.
Should I just block her phone number at this point to not have to read or listen to her messages - I really dont understand why she cant respect such a simple request to not call or text me and only communicate with her son.