Do synthetic opioids show up on urine tests

I am moving on to a new phase in my life. I need someone open minded. Open as in serious about having a relationship and not a situationship or a having a option. To me it doesn't matter where one is from as long as you are recognizing of the qualities within a person. Such as loyalty, respect, responsibility and the ability to appreciate and understand- Pain, fear, love and care and truly want it for themselves, to learn and establish a bond through effort.
If you are selfish let's be selfish about loving eachother and not about whether someone's from somewhere. Rather what makes me different is I truly want someone who understands and wants the same and is willing to compromise in other aspects like looks or nationality or height. But rather value the person's personality and prespectives and his "soul" and put in genuine effort to elevate and grow.
I want to be able to be your island of support, care and understanding. I have been in stressful situations so I know ways to deal with it. Sometimes all we need is someone where no judgement will be passed and some comfort is given. How I do that is by sharing my own experiences that can be judged. If you are vulnerable so am I.
I am an emotional person and a faithful person. I give you 200% where I can. Humanly possible. I always advice you on the qualities and wants and interests you have, in a way to better them. To care for them as genuinely as possible. My interest is aligned with your growth and my joy comes from you doing better. Becoming more independent of you're own fears and traumas or situations you go through.
So I can create that space and will check up on you. Send you flowers to cheer you up. Long distance really tests a want in a person and that alone can be a solid foundation for developing trust and acknowledgement. Worthiness in a relationship or atleast show that the person is willing. I will be coming to Phillipines to study by next year. So we can finally meet and or you can always have this place as your own and visit here too.
Please no ghosters. No time pass. Don't want people who want there feelings to be stroked and then leave. Things can get very pretty and die out quick and it's very hurtful when that happens. If you are seeking shallow stuff I am not it. For some reason I keep getting banned on reddit period so hit me up on Instagram freshbreadb. If you don't have one, make one. I'll send you memes and interesting stuff.

WEEKLY COVID STATEWIDE REPORT FOR MAY 14, 2024
TOTAL NEW COVID CASES REPORTED WEEK (Sun-Sat) OF: 02/04-02/10: 6,191 (VDH corrected from 5,663) 02/11-02/17: 5,432 (VDH corrected from 4,814) 02/18-02/24: 4,978 (VDH corrected from 4,494) 02/15-03/02: 3,891 (Figure is estimated from VDH data) 03/03-03/09: 3,134 (VDH corrected from 2,843) 03/10-03/16: 2,118 (VDH corrected from 1,909) 03/17-03/23: 1,764 (VDH corrected from 1,591) 03/24-03/30: 1,667 (VDH corrected from 1,449) 03/31-04/06: 1,255 (VDH corrected from 1,273) 04/07-04/13: 1,232 (VDH corrected from 1,113) 04/14-04/20: 1,151 (VDH corrected from 1,029) 04/21-04/27: 991 (VDH corrected from 899) 04/28-05/04: 885 (VDH corrected from 782) 05/05-05/11: 730 (preliminary figure) Counts reported after 4/30/24 may be incomplete
VDH's reporting of the numbers above (Sun-Sat) is by illness date.
COVID CASES SINCE LAST REPORT BY DAY This runs report day to report day, not Sun-Sat Case numbers are from the previous day unless indicated otherwise Previous week's cases day count in parentheses after this week's day count Report covers 05/08/2024 to 05/14/2024

Wed: 162 cases (142) Thu: 138 cases (155) Fri: 180 cases (130) Sat: 149 cases (125) Sun: 91 cases (65) Mon: 51 cases (74) Tue: 157 cases (127) 

As counts reported after 4/30/24 may be incomplete, I will not be computing percentages as accuracy can not be guaranteed
Total new cases reported (Wed-Tues): 928 (818 previous Wed-Tues) 7-day average of new cases: 132.6 (116.9 last report) Cases per 100,000 Population: 1.494 (1.317 last report) Some Figures and Percentages are usually slightly rounded by VDH
The 13-week graph has been posted. Curve shows a +13.45% increase. This may or may not be accurate due to voluntary reporting.
REPORTED DEATHS PER WEEK Week of: 04/07-04/13: 8 (VDH updated from 6) 04/14-04/20: 14 (VDH updated from 5) 04/21-04/27: 1 (VDH corrected from 5) 04/28-05/04: 3 (VDH corrected from 2) 05/05-05/11: 3 (preliminary figure)
The VDH death rate is never put out completely up to date due to delays in death data, which can run months. The death data above has been corrected to current reported deaths from VDH sources and is always subject to change.
The larger updated death chart covering more past weeks has been uploaded. Gray shaded areas are subject to change.
CURRENT POSITIVITY RATE AS OF MAY 10, 2024 CDC Region 3 7-Day Positivity Rate: 2.2% (was 2.9% (CDC corrected), -24.14%) US National level is 3.1% (was 3.2%, revised, last week). Highest is Region 9 (AZ, CA, NV) at 6.3% These are preliminary figures which the CDC may revise next week.
Tests this week were done on 2,438 samples.
The large jump last week in Region 2 stayed flat. Not sure what's up in Region 9. Most of the country is still going down or holding steady. Even with the big jump in Region 9, the National Average managed to decline.
Region 3 is still in the "Very Low" range, and still under the National Positivity Rate.
HOSPITALS
NOTE: COVID-19 hospital reporting requirements expired April 30, 2024. Data may be incomplete after this date.
Hospital report is partial.
VDH reported a decrease of -11.8% in ER visits last week that were diagnosed as Covid (0.30% of visits). Corrected last four weeks are now listed as 0.42%, 0.37%, 0.34% and 0.30% of ER visits. Virginia remains at a minimal level for ER Covid visits. Graph posted. This graph has no special wording on it about the end of hospital reporting, so I believe this chart may be one of the only ones that is accurate week-to-week.
Admissions: Incomplete data. Shows a huge drop (-90% to last week's -50%). The stopping of reporting, has made, for now, the hospital admissions graph useless. Graph is not posted. But.....
VDH reported an decrease of -15.5% in Covid bed use, at 0.60% of beds being used (both adult and pediatric) for Covid. The last four weeks run 0.77%, 0.68%, 0.71% and 0.68%. Virginia remains at the Minimal Level for Covid bed use. Graph posted. While not complete, as VDH knows which hospitals reported in, they can divide the total beds in those hospitals with the number filled with Covid patients and get a fairly good idea of what it happening. While not perfect, this may be the best figure for now of hospital admissions for Covid.
FINAL NOTES
Due to the voluntary reporting, we have a conflicting situation of an increase in reported cases against a probable drop in Hospital admissions (and definitely in ER visits for Covid). I think we will have to look for long trends to get an idea if things are increasing or decreasing. The PCR figure movement and wastewater will also probably help.
LAYOUT
First up is the total number of new Covid Cases for last week based on Sunday to Saturday. As the corrections VDH is putting in a week after the initial release makes following a trend impossible, I have stopped computing in this area as it would probably be incorrect.
Next is a listing of the cases from the last report to this one. It usually runs from last Wednesday to Tuesday, but could move based on holidays.
Reported deaths are next, which are based on Sunday to Saturday for the weeks listed.
The CDC Region 3 7-Day Positivity Rate is next, which at the moment just confirms or changes what the CDC put out Friday. They do another run on Monday nights taking a second look at things.
Hospital information for last week is next.
VDH's main summary page is located here. You can see all the latest trends at the link above - most graphics are interactive
EXPLANATION OF FIGURES ABOVE
Total New COVID Cases Reported Week (Sun-Sat) Of: cases reported for last week running Sunday to Saturday.
Reported Deaths Per Week: Number of deaths reported in the week (Sunday-Saturday) to VDH by dates listed.
Covid cases since last report by day: The previous 7-days since VDH's last update listed by day.
7-day average of new cases: Average number of daily COVID cases over the last 7-days
Cases per 100,000 population 7-day average: Within 100,000 people, how many were positive for COVID on a rolling 7-day cycle.
CDC Region 3 7-Day Positivity Rate (if included): The last state average percentage of PCR coronavirus tests performed that are positive. The lower the better.
Hospitals: Hospital information for last Sunday-Saturday.
Data from VDH, CDC
Edit: formatting

Vitamin d toxicity
Hello, I had a vit d deficiency of level 6 in March 2023
I went to a doctor and requested the right dose of vit d as my deficiency was severe and I was constantly shaking and felt like I would die. The doctor prescribed me 1 injection of 6L arachitol twice a week for 4 weeks.
Then also take 8 supplements of 60k iu vitamin d
I started taking it and by the end of the injections, 1 month had passed and I developed debilitating vertigo
I went back to her and she told me continue taking vitamin d supplements and quit my job and go relax in Another country. I quit my job as I was very worried about my health at this point and the doctor scared me into it. I had a very good wfh job.
I took 4 supplements as instructed but all my bones started to hurt and I was having severe heart palpitations, night sweats and shivers at the same time. I also developed s in my neck, shoulder, above ankle and below wrist, all on he right side of my body as it's the side I took all the injections.
I googled about the dosage worrying about my symptoms and it suggested Vit d toxicity so I got the levels checked and it indeed was 109 toxicity.
So I stopped supplements and restricted calcium and decided to check it next month.
But the next month it was 127 toxicity.
Anything above 100 is toxicity as per the reports.
I developed severe body pain and my upper back cramped straight for 2 weeks and I couldn't move my upper body.
My uric acid levels were Normal, calcium was in range cause I kept avoiding it.
I went to a doctor and I was suggested to walk 1 hour a day and avoid calcium and vit d
I did so but my vertigo remained and I developed tingling and numbness all over my body and burning near all my joints and my entire head tingling and numbing.
I got several infections of the ears nose and eyes due to extreme dehydration from the overdose. The ENT I visited just treated me with multiple antibiotics and loaded me up on anti vertigo medicines. Which still didn't stop my vertigo
I visited a neuro and they suggested an mri "only to calm me down" cause I was over reacting and it was a brain mri and it showed a c5-c6 annular fissure and nerve indentation.
I was advised to wear a collar which I did from sept to January 2024.
My vit d was now at 36 and finally low enough but none of my swellings subsided. I haven't been able to walk properly since months or do ANYTHING as even chewing triggers the swellings.
Vertigo is mild now but still persists.
Doctors are very dismissive of everything I say and will not provide any solution for the awellings
I've been to physiotherapy as suggested by them and do exercises but my swellings only get worse by even doing the minimum
January I visited an orthopaedic again and he told me to stay home for a year and ignore myself and that I would be fine. It makes me want to off myself that they don't provide any solutions.
My family never cared about me and thinks Im over reacting but I can't look down or move, I can't draw and pursue my hobbies cause it's making my neck swell up to the point I can barely d have difficulty swallowing because of the swelling. I am severely depressed..
Ive gained weight too and they have been body shaming me. I am 5'3, I used to be petite and I think in my 40s-early 50s in kg, I am 64-66 kgs now and doctors have said it's fine but ik I'm overweight by a few kgs. I'm meant to be 57 and everyone blames my weight but I literally can't walk more than 400 steps without debilitating pain, I have walked despite the horrible pain 4000 steps a day minimum it causes a visual issue where everything around me starts moving backwards... Idk what it is but I think it's like vertigo, atleast that's what I assume. Same when I work out..
Ive been doing back pain yoga for 20 mins everyday.
It has also effected my eye sight, I had 0.5-0. 7 vision in both eyes since I was in 5th grade and it never increased and before the overdose this is what is was. But I got it checked last sep and it is now, 1.75 in each eye and I have double vision if I look at a certain angle.. And the muscles around my right eye hurt.. My eyes take time to line up together as well and focus.. I have blurry vision often..
I did some research and online via reddit it suggested that Vit d depletes vit k2 and magnesium and may help break down calcium if they're in the wrong places.
I ate blueberries for the first time in April 2024 and my neck swelling seemed less and I really thought it may all go away cause they're rich In k2 and mag.
I did all the blood tests suggested by a doctor and all of them came back normal, including arthritis tests and bone density tests.
I also requested more mris as my back and neck still hurt massively and I found out I have c4-c6 protrusions and L5-S1 bulge.. I am at a loss on what to do with myself.
I showed the ortho all the reports and requested supplements for k2 and mag and was provided a 30 day prescription for calcimax k2. I was suggested to only walk for the disc issues..
I have been taking it and the first 3 days the swellings seemed down and I experienced much less pain but it's the 5th day and my swellings are back full fledged and it's painful enough to have a panic attack..
I am at a loss and I don't know what to do, I did approach a lawyer to sue the doctor and I have been told I cannot lose in court if I do file and then the lawyer dipped and he also wants 15% and I don't have the funds cause I've been unemployed for a year
I've been working since I was 16 cause my lifes always been hell and I've had a nail fungus issue since the past 14 years and I haven't lived normally as I can't dip my hands in water as it lifts the nails off the nail bed and it's extremely painful.
Idk what to do anymore and I can't keep being strong and keep getting through this and I feel trapped.. If any one at all, a doctor or medical professional can comment on this and assist me I would really really appreciate it.

I have been dating my boyfriend ( let's call him G ) for about a year now. He is talking about getting more serious with our relationship, like wanting us to move in together after I finish school and marriage and kids, and I guess i'm sorta wondering what I should do? I am currently a rising college senior ( F 22 ) and my boyfriend works from home mostly doing I.T ( M 35 ). I'm currently studying entomology and would like to continue my studies at grad school. He is tied down here by family and he wouldn't be able to follow me if I went out of state to go for grad. I love him and I would want to move in with him, but leaving for a few more years would really test our relationship... and I feel bad because he has been nothing but understanding and had such patience with everything in our relationship. When I was in intermediate school I was r*ped and ever since I've been standoffish and avoidant on trying new things or meeting new people. He's the first relationship I've really ever had and was even my first ( consensual ) kiss. While we haven't had sex yet and he mentions he wants to have sex, he has never pressured me - even when we do hand or oral when I say stop he stops. He's been their for me when dealing with my family which can be toxic at times.... and I feel like I want to give back to him. I do want to marry him and start a life with him, but he's ready to start today and I don't know if I am. I think that's the only place in our relationship where the age gap shows.... its jarring because I never really care or notice it and he makes me very happy and like I can open up. I feel like I'm rabbling now haha...
​
TLDR : Should I try and stay around here, move in, and start a life together with him or apply for grad school and leave?

There are varying opinions on how long your body and blood will hold onto TRT. Some sources suggest it peaks and leaves within 10 days, others say 12-16 days, and some studies show that synthetic testosterone can be traceable for up to two months. I got my blood test 11-13 days after administering my very first 100mg shot SubQ.
🩸 My levels were 424 ng/dl on a 197-740 ng/dl test. (Pre trt)
🩸Two weeks later, my levels were 880 ng/dl on a 294-900 ng/dl range.
How long can your blood panel stay affected and elevated by TRT administration at 50-250 mg?

Vitamin d toxicity
Hello, I had a vit d deficiency of level 6 in March 2023
I went to a doctor and requested the right dose of vit d as my deficiency was severe and I was constantly shaking and felt like I would die. The doctor prescribed me 1 injection of 6L arachitol twice a week for 4 weeks.
Then also take 8 supplements of 60k iu vitamin d
I started taking it and by the end of the injections, 1 month had passed and I developed debilitating vertigo
I went back to her and she told me continue taking vitamin d supplements and quit my job and go relax in Another country. I quit my job as I was very worried about my health at this point and the doctor scared me into it. I had a very good wfh job.
I took 4 supplements as instructed but all my bones started to hurt and I was having severe heart palpitations, night sweats and shivers at the same time. I also developed s in my neck, shoulder, above ankle and below wrist, all on he right side of my body as it's the side I took all the injections.
I googled about the dosage worrying about my symptoms and it suggested Vit d toxicity so I got the levels checked and it indeed was 109 toxicity.
So I stopped supplements and restricted calcium and decided to check it next month.
But the next month it was 127 toxicity.
Anything above 100 is toxicity as per the reports.
I developed severe body pain and my upper back cramped straight for 2 weeks and I couldn't move my upper body.
My uric acid levels were Normal, calcium was in range cause I kept avoiding it.
I went to a doctor and I was suggested to walk 1 hour a day and avoid calcium and vit d
I did so but my vertigo remained and I developed tingling and numbness all over my body and burning near all my joints and my entire head tingling and numbing.
I got several infections of the ears nose and eyes due to extreme dehydration from the overdose. The ENT I visited just treated me with multiple antibiotics and loaded me up on anti vertigo medicines. Which still didn't stop my vertigo
I visited a neuro and they suggested an mri "only to calm me down" cause I was over reacting and it was a brain mri and it showed a c5-c6 annular fissure and nerve indentation.
I was advised to wear a collar which I did from sept to January 2024.
My vit d was now at 36 and finally low enough but none of my swellings subsided. I haven't been able to walk properly since months or do ANYTHING as even chewing triggers the swellings.
Vertigo is mild now but still persists.
Doctors are very dismissive of everything I say and will not provide any solution for the awellings
I've been to physiotherapy as suggested by them and do exercises but my swellings only get worse by even doing the minimum
January I visited an orthopaedic again and he told me to stay home for a year and ignore myself and that I would be fine. It makes me want to off myself that they don't provide any solutions.
My family never cared about me and thinks Im over reacting but I can't look down or move, I can't draw and pursue my hobbies cause it's making my neck swell up to the point I can barely d have difficulty swallowing because of the swelling. I am severely depressed..
Ive gained weight too and they have been body shaming me. I am 5'3, I used to be petite and I think in my 40s-early 50s in kg, I am 64-66 kgs now and doctors have said it's fine but ik I'm overweight by a few kgs. I'm meant to be 57 and everyone blames my weight but I literally can't walk more than 400 steps without debilitating pain, I have walked despite the horrible pain 4000 steps a day minimum it causes a visual issue where everything around me starts moving backwards... Idk what it is but I think it's like vertigo, atleast that's what I assume. Same when I work out..
Ive been doing back pain yoga for 20 mins everyday.
It has also effected my eye sight, I had 0.5-0. 7 vision in both eyes since I was in 5th grade and it never increased and before the overdose this is what is was. But I got it checked last sep and it is now, 1.75 in each eye and I have double vision if I look at a certain angle.. And the muscles around my right eye hurt.. My eyes take time to line up together as well and focus.. I have blurry vision often..
I did some research and online via reddit it suggested that Vit d depletes vit k2 and magnesium and may help break down calcium if they're in the wrong places.
I ate blueberries for the first time in April 2024 and my neck swelling seemed less and I really thought it may all go away cause they're rich In k2 and mag.
I did all the blood tests suggested by a doctor and all of them came back normal, including arthritis tests and bone density tests.
I also requested more mris as my back and neck still hurt massively and I found out I have c4-c6 protrusions and L5-S1 bulge.. I am at a loss on what to do with myself.
I showed the ortho all the reports and requested supplements for k2 and mag and was provided a 30 day prescription for calcimax k2. I was suggested to only walk for the disc issues..
I have been taking it and the first 3 days the swellings seemed down and I experienced much less pain but it's the 5th day and my swellings are back full fledged and it's painful enough to have a panic attack..
I am at a loss and I don't know what to do, I did approach a lawyer to sue the doctor and I have been told I cannot lose in court if I do file and then the lawyer dipped and he also wants 15% and I don't have the funds cause I've been unemployed for a year
I've been working since I was 16 cause my lifes always been hell and I've had a nail fungus issue since the past 14 years and I haven't lived normally as I can't dip my hands in water as it lifts the nails off the nail bed and it's extremely painful.
Idk what to do anymore and I can't keep being strong and keep getting through this and I feel trapped.. If any one at all, a doctor or medical professional can comment on this and assist me I would really really appreciate it.

I have a story I would like some help with, I'm going to try to make this as short as I can but there's things I wanna say to help anyone reading understand the situation, so this could be a lengthy one.
Firstly, I'm aware this could seem like a stupid post but idk nor do I trust anyone around me to give me a second opinion bc ppl I would think to go to either don't care, don't know what anything I'm saying even means, or have the same "that's how the cowboys did it" stupid fucking response. So I'm making this post to hopefully hear from ppl who are actually willing to help me see from different perspectives rather than brush me off. Considering not having much to look to, I'm fairly easily swayed by ppl I meet who know more about something than I do bc I want to be able to look up to them.
Secondly, some backstory. I have a 21yr old mare who was abandoned with aggression issues. Just straight up left in the field to rot from a very young age, I know this very well bc she used to be owned by my aunt, who dropped her off at my grandparents' farm, who hated her to begin with and having heard about alleged aggression issues refused to do anything with her themselves, such as find her a better home. My aunt bought her with the intentions of growing and learning with her but didn't know enough to properly communicate and they would fight with each other alot so she gave up.
Well I recently finally got her to let me have this horse under the condition that I can prove I can financially support her needs and give her a better home than they could. This was about a year or two ago she finally said yes after years of asking. So this mare, Eclipse, in fact is not at all aggressive, one of the sweetest horses I've ever known. She's just reactive to improper and unfair treatment. Since she was abandoned and left in a field for 15+ yrs of her life she's never had much work done, this includes her hooves which is what I'm here about.
She has all the health issues u can imagine, half of them 2yrs later I finally have under control and I'm currently trying my best to find solutions and manage what's remaining. I've spent the same amount of time trying to get her to pick up her hooves, she is only as of these past few months confident enough to stand quietly and let me work on her, and when she's not she has learned how to safely tell me so. As you can imagine, her hooves contribute to ALOT of her health problems so this is a top priority for me. I spent a good while making sure she was confident enough working with me before having the farrier out, who she has met many other times before bc he comes here for my other mares.
I now have 3 horses in total, all mares as well as a big burly dog. He's not afraid of anything, he guards the property, he's not aggressive but you're guilty until proven innocent. He has also met the farrier many times.
I go thru farriers like candy bc of my location. They hate being here and tell me that just having 2 horses to work on is a waste of their time so every couple years I'm looking for a new one. My horses have hated every single farrier that has worked on them, bc they come out here with negative attitudes, often in a rush, just trying to get it over with and it resulted in "arguments" between the farriers and my horses each time. My horses are super patient and have high tolerances, I can assure you they do their best to not cause problems but I know that's hard when you're trying to be kind to someone who doesn't care enough to be kind to you.
Story time. This new farrier I have has been around for 2 years. He has competed in blacksmithing and farrier championships and has placed in the top 5 multiple times. My horses are barefoot and only have trims done, so it takes him 5 - 10mins per horse. He is super quick and does a fucking beautiful job. Better than any of the last farriers I've had before. He's super considerate of any physical problems any of the horses might have and very carefully works around them. Idk if this is what had me so blinded or what but I told him I finally have full confidence in Eclipse and we're ready for her to be trimmed. I was excited, I put her thru every test I could think of I made sure she was familiar with farrier holds and the feeling of trims and being handled and so on and so forth. I wanted her done first, so I had her first in line when he came out. She must have known what was going to happen bc she panicked like I've never seen before solely at the sight of his truck. He comes up, I made sure to be clear that considering her history and everything ik about her it's important to be slow right now, and I stressed the fact that it took a very long time to get this far with her. It's her very first farrier appointment. He goes to start working on her, she was okay at first but I could see he was rushing her and it started to scare her and the more she tried to express she was getting scared the more aggressive he got. I told him multiple times to stop and give her a second and maybe I misunderstood and she's not ready. Maybe he didn't hear me, bc he didn't quit. She ended up fighting like her life depended on it and it resulted in him hitting her and pressing his hoof knife into her any time she tried to move any which direction. He ended up only getting one hoof partially cut and left unfinished. He did the rest of my horses afterwards but they were extra reluctant.
I'm pretty upset by the way he treated her. She has marks all over her body from being hit and stabbed and pinched. Her back and shoulders are extremely sore, the muscles have lumps from relentlessly trying so hard to move away from him but then being ripped at and pulled around. She's feeling rough right now. I have made a couple attempts to clean out her hooves again and now she won't let me pick them up. I'm worried that I have to restart everything I did with her. I'm going to give her some time to relax and instead just do bodywork and massages for a while, then pretend we're back at square one, just to help bring back her confidence but I'm so worried that we actually are now set back 2yrs, bc if that's the case not only do I have to re-teach her but I also have to reverse the trauma and the effects of that day.
But now for a plot twist, I'm more upset about how I blatantly ignored my horses. Maybe it was bc I looked up to this guy so much, I'm not sure. But it's VERY unlike me to ignore their signs. All 3 horses AND my dog told me that there's something not right with this guy. The dog cowers around him and hides behind me. The other two horses that have been worked on by him before each time expressed severe anxiety when he'd show up for them, but I let it go bc they still stood for him just fine. They were jumpy, they'd move away from him sometimes, they would try hard to stand quietly for him but they were constantly flinching and jerking their heads up and just very clearly uncomfortable with being handled by him. He has never hurt them as far as I've seen, and I'm always intently watching him work bc I'm so fascinated by his skill.
I wholeheartedly blame myself. We wouldn't be in this situation if I would have listened to the other two horses and my dog. I didn't know what any of the things they were saying or doing meant, but what's worse is that I never tried to either. I saw it and for some reason never thought anything of it. I didn't think to try to understand their behaviour or literally anything, and it took Eclipse's situation now to realize what's actually been going on. I can easily compare it to being in a toxic relationship.
Everyone I've gone to about this has said "you're being dramatic, that's how the cowboys did it" or "that's what happens when you're too nice to your horses".
I can't stand knowing that I'm allowing someone who gets physically abusive upon becoming frustrated to work on my horses. I'm being as honest as I can be about what happened that day, what I saw in the horses, what I saw him doing, etc. It makes me sick to think about. Am I overreacting? What do I do about this?

Vitamin d toxicity
Hello, I had a vit d deficiency of level 6 in March 2023
I went to a doctor and requested the right dose of vit d as my deficiency was severe and I was constantly shaking and felt like I would die. The doctor prescribed me 1 injection of 6L arachitol twice a week for 4 weeks.
Then also take 8 supplements of 60k iu vitamin d
I started taking it and by the end of the injections, 1 month had passed and I developed debilitating vertigo
I went back to her and she told me continue taking vitamin d supplements and quit my job and go relax in Another country. I quit my job as I was very worried about my health at this point and the doctor scared me into it. I had a very good wfh job.
I took 4 supplements as instructed but all my bones started to hurt and I was having severe heart palpitations, night sweats and shivers at the same time. I also developed s in my neck, shoulder, above ankle and below wrist, all on he right side of my body as it's the side I took all the injections.
I googled about the dosage worrying about my symptoms and it suggested Vit d toxicity so I got the levels checked and it indeed was 109 toxicity.
So I stopped supplements and restricted calcium and decided to check it next month.
But the next month it was 127 toxicity.
Anything above 100 is toxicity as per the reports.
I developed severe body pain and my upper back cramped straight for 2 weeks and I couldn't move my upper body.
My uric acid levels were Normal, calcium was in range cause I kept avoiding it.
I went to a doctor and I was suggested to walk 1 hour a day and avoid calcium and vit d
I did so but my vertigo remained and I developed tingling and numbness all over my body and burning near all my joints and my entire head tingling and numbing.
I got several infections of the ears nose and eyes due to extreme dehydration from the overdose. The ENT I visited just treated me with multiple antibiotics and loaded me up on anti vertigo medicines. Which still didn't stop my vertigo
I visited a neuro and they suggested an mri "only to calm me down" cause I was over reacting and it was a brain mri and it showed a c5-c6 annular fissure and nerve indentation.
I was advised to wear a collar which I did from sept to January 2024.
My vit d was now at 36 and finally low enough but none of my swellings subsided. I haven't been able to walk properly since months or do ANYTHING as even chewing triggers the swellings.
Vertigo is mild now but still persists.
Doctors are very dismissive of everything I say and will not provide any solution for the awellings
I've been to physiotherapy as suggested by them and do exercises but my swellings only get worse by even doing the minimum
January I visited an orthopaedic again and he told me to stay home for a year and ignore myself and that I would be fine. It makes me want to off myself that they don't provide any solutions.
My family never cared about me and thinks Im over reacting but I can't look down or move, I can't draw and pursue my hobbies cause it's making my neck swell up to the point I can barely d have difficulty swallowing because of the swelling. I am severely depressed..
Ive gained weight too and they have been body shaming me. I am 5'3, I used to be petite and I think in my 40s-early 50s in kg, I am 64-66 kgs now and doctors have said it's fine but ik I'm overweight by a few kgs. I'm meant to be 57 and everyone blames my weight but I literally can't walk more than 400 steps without debilitating pain, I have walked despite the horrible pain 4000 steps a day minimum it causes a visual issue where everything around me starts moving backwards... Idk what it is but I think it's like vertigo, atleast that's what I assume. Same when I work out..
Ive been doing back pain yoga for 20 mins everyday.
It has also effected my eye sight, I had 0.5-0. 7 vision in both eyes since I was in 5th grade and it never increased and before the overdose this is what is was. But I got it checked last sep and it is now, 1.75 in each eye and I have double vision if I look at a certain angle.. And the muscles around my right eye hurt.. My eyes take time to line up together as well and focus.. I have blurry vision often..
I did some research and online via reddit it suggested that Vit d depletes vit k2 and magnesium and may help break down calcium if they're in the wrong places.
I ate blueberries for the first time in April 2024 and my neck swelling seemed less and I really thought it may all go away cause they're rich In k2 and mag.
I did all the blood tests suggested by a doctor and all of them came back normal, including arthritis tests and bone density tests.
I also requested more mris as my back and neck still hurt massively and I found out I have c4-c6 protrusions and L5-S1 bulge.. I am at a loss on what to do with myself.
I showed the ortho all the reports and requested supplements for k2 and mag and was provided a 30 day prescription for calcimax k2. I was suggested to only walk for the disc issues..
I have been taking it and the first 3 days the swellings seemed down and I experienced much less pain but it's the 5th day and my swellings are back full fledged and it's painful enough to have a panic attack..
I am at a loss and I don't know what to do, I did approach a lawyer to sue the doctor and I have been told I cannot lose in court if I do file and then the lawyer dipped and he also wants 15% and I don't have the funds cause I've been unemployed for a year
I've been working since I was 16 cause my lifes always been hell and I've had a nail fungus issue since the past 14 years and I haven't lived normally as I can't dip my hands in water as it lifts the nails off the nail bed and it's extremely painful.
Idk what to do anymore and I can't keep being strong and keep getting through this and I feel trapped.. If any one at all, a doctor or medical professional can comment on this and assist me I would really really appreciate it.

[I shared this in girls and gays but wanted to share here as well for those of you not in that sub]
With Kendrick Lamar and Drake’s rap feud raging over the last month, I got curious about what their natal charts say about each of them as rappers, and how the astrological synastry between the two has fueled this chart-topping fight. Luckily we have an accurate birth time for both Drake and Kendrick, so we can see exactly how their charts overlap.
Here’s Drake’s chart:
And here’s Kendrick’s chart:
Inconjunct Suns
Kendrick has a Gemini sun, like many of hip hop’s greatest rappers, including Notorious B.I.G., Tupac, Lauryn Hill and Outkast’s Andre 3000. Geminis are well-suited to rap as the wordsmiths of the zodiac, one of the two signs ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication. Virgo, the other sign ruled by Mercury, expresses the analytical, practical, pragmatic side of the mind, the so-called “left brain” which sorts the wheat from the chaff (and, fittingly, Virgo season aligns with the harvest season of late summer).
Gemini expresses the more playful, self-expressive, hyper-curious “right brain” side of the mind - the monkey mind that swings from branch to branch, seeing connections as it goes. “Curious to a fault, Geminis have a finger in every pie. Solar Geminis are flexible and changeable people. Usually quite clever and witty, Geminis enjoy intellectual conversations and they are easily bored if they are not getting enough mental stimulation.”
Drake is a Scorpio sun, bringing a very different energy to the table. Scorpios seek power above all, and they live life intensely. If Gemini is the court jester, taking life lightly and poking fun at it all, Scorpio is the dark knight plotting and positioning himself for a coup. As one of the two signs ruled by Mars, the planet of war and competition, Scorpios don’t back down from competition, and as a fixed modality sign, they can struggle to let go–even of what hurts them. Scorpios are drawn to the darker sides of life - they know that secrets hold power, so they tend toward privacy, as shown in Drake’s last rap beef, when Pusha T revealed that he had secretly fathered a son with a porn star.
Gemini and Scorpio have a tricky inter-dynamic, with an aspect between them known as a quincunx, or an inconjunct. Quincunxes occur when planets are 150 degrees apart, and therefore share neither an element (water, fire, earth, or air) nor a modality (cardinal, fixed, or mutable). They are at odds in a very fundamental way, and though they can teach each other a lot, in order to get along they will have to make some serious adjustments.
“When these signs get together, they just can’t understand each other. They have almost nothing in common, so it’s hard to find common ground. When a quincunx shows up in a synastry or relationship reading, this can make for a tense or difficult relationship.” This natural repelling dynamic is expressed in Kendrick’s diss song Euphoria (“I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk/I hate the way that you dress/I hate the way you sneak diss, if I catch flight, it's gon' be direct”).
Drake’s ascendant is placed at 29 degrees Leo, exactly conjunct the royal fixed star Regulus. Regulus is one of the luckiest stars in the zodiac, and it is often seen in the charts of celebrities. “On the Ascendant, it will give a courageous and frank character. A splendid and illustrious life; glorious, mighty and commanding nature; fame, busy with many activities, bountiful resources, well known or feared in cities and regions.” But with Regulus on the ascendant, expanding the already narcissistic tendencies of Leo, there is a risk for an over-expansion of the ego and a lack of humility. Drake wants to be the best by all accounts - not just the biggest commercial superstar, which he is, but also the most critically acclaimed rapper, like Pulitzer Prize-winning Kendrick.
Mercury and Mars vs. Mercury and Venus
When it comes to analyzing writers of any sort, I like to look at their Mercuries, and here we see a fascinating contrast. Kendrick’s Mercury is located in intuitive, emotional Cancer (just like Lana del Rey, who I analyzed last week), and it is conjoined with Mars, the planet of war, which is what makes him such a formidable opponent in a rap battle. “Mercury conjunct Mars natal gives a quick mind, rapid reflexes, and a sharp tongue. These attributes are ideal for making quick decisions in the heat of the moment while others hesitate. Excellent debating skills allow you to stand up not only for yourself but for the rights of others. Your enthusiastic, direct and courageous way of expressing yourself can win admiration in politics, business, and the military.”
I think Mercury in combination with Mars is the ideal aspect for the competitive sport of rap, and interestingly enough, Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G., who famously feuded and are considered by many to be the all-time greatest rappers, both had these planets tightly combined (Tupac had Mercury trine Mars with a 1 degree orb, and Biggie had Mercury septile Mars with a 0 degree orb).
Drake, by contrast, has his Mercury conjoined with Mars’ planetary opposite, Venus. Mercury conjoined with creative Venus is a great aspect for a musician, but it lacks the teeth of competitive Mars. “Mercury conjunct Venus natal makes you a lovable, handsome, neat, refined, romantic, and courteous person. You may tend to be passive and submissive, but this is a means by which you achieve peace in your life. You can lovingly communicate things; a melodic, poetic, and relaxing voice often helps this. Mercury rules trade, and Venus rules money, so you could do well in business and enjoy buying and selling.”
Many of Drake’s biggest hits show this melodic Mercury-Venus aspect - like the no-rapping, all-singing “Hold On, We’re Going Home,” “Hotline Bling” and “One Dance,” or the purported feminist anthem “Nice for What.” Many think Drake is best as a pop star rather than a rapper, which Kendrick references in Euphoria (“I like Drake with the melodies, I don't like Drake when he act tough” “Keep makin' me dance, wavin' my hand and it won't be no threat”).
Mercury conjunct Venus should be a very positive aspect for Drake, and in many ways it is – as two of the planets that rule over money (Mercury the marketplace, and Venus the possessions), this aspect is part of why he’s had such incredible financial success. However, a few factors complicate it. For one thing, they are located together in Scorpio, ruled by Mars. His Mercury is expressed in a Venusian way, but it wants to be expressed in a Martian way. I think this is why Drake returns regularly to gangster rap despite his success in pop and R&B. He wants to be a Mercury-Mars rap powerhouse like Kendrick, Biggie, and Tupac, but he’s fundamentally different. From the beginning of his career he’s been taunted as soft, weak, feminine, privileged–all very Venusian adjectives.
Another complicating factor is that Drake’s Venus is doubly challenged - it is both in detriment in Scorpio, as well as retrograde. Venus is in detriment in Scorpio because it rules over Scorpio’s opposite, Taurus, and so the planet is not at ease in suspicious, jealous Scorpio. “Fears of being too vulnerable or of giving up their own power to others is strong. Scorpio is an “all or nothing” energy, and relationships tend to be somewhat of a rollercoaster ride as a result. Disdain for mediocrity and superficiality can compel them to create crises in order to feel alive and vital.”
Venus retrograde in the natal chart “suggests you have some difficulty in giving and receiving love and affection. You may experience sadness in love or have to endure hardship or delay. Natal Venus in retrograde can also show as excessive use of makeup and jewelry or even disfigurement from cosmetic surgery.” It’s interesting how some of the allegations against Drake in Kendrick’s songs have included a nose job and a Brazilian butt lift. After Drake told Metro Boomin to “shut up and make some drums” in his initial Kendrick diss Push Ups, the producer responded with “BBL Drizzy.”
Drake has never been married or had a public long-term relationship. His highest profile one with Rihanna was on-again, off-again, and at times seemed more like unrequited love than true commitment. When interviewed about the relationship, he said “As life takes shape and teaches you#Personal_life) your own lessons, I end up in this situation where I don't have the fairy tale [of] 'Drake started a family with Rihanna, [it's] so perfect.' It looks so good on paper [and] I wanted it too at one time.” Two years ago Drake had jeweler Alex Moss create a necklace worth $12.5 million dollars built from dozens of engagement rings he had made but never used: ““New piece titled ‘Previous Engagements’ for all the times he thought about it but never did it,” Moss wrote over a video showcasing the stunning necklace, which is made up of “42 engagement rings” totaling “351.38 carats in diamonds.”” It’s quite the testament to a challenged natal Venus.
Lilith Synastry
Here is Drake and Kendrick’s synastry (Drake is on the outer circle):
The most interesting thing I found digging into Drake and Kendrick’s charts was the presence of Lilith in their synastry. Lilith is an asteroid associated with the “angry woman” figure as well as female liberation. In some Jewish folklore Lilith was the first wife of Adam, but she was banished from the Garden of Eden for not obeying him and replaced with Eve.
“In the intricacies of a birth chart, Black Moon Lilith symbolizes the raw essence of femininity, the primal urges, and the suppressed parts of our psyche that lie in the shadows. This point, not a planet but a mathematical point, reveals where one might feel estranged, challenged, or empowered to go against the grain of societal norms. It unveils deep-seated desires, innate instincts, and perhaps the areas where one feels the need to challenge established roles or expectations. It's a place of power, mystique, and, occasionally, friction – pinpointing where one's true nature might clash with the conventional, leading to feelings of marginalization or rebellion.”
The allegations Drake and Kendrick threw at each other both had to do with mistreatment of women - Drake said that Kendrick abused his fiancée, and Kendrick said Drake was a pedophile who shouldn’t be trusted around young women.
Both Drake and Kendrick’s Liliths make tight aspects with the other’s chart. “Whenever Lilith is around, you can expect to feel a wild, intense, deep, and sometimes obsessive energy. If you have Lilith aspects in synastry then this energy will show up in your relationship. Whenever your Lilith touches one of your partner’s planets or vice-versa, you can expect to see your deepest fears revealed. You might also see glimpses of things you desire but can’t have. Ultimately, Lilith aspects in synastry give both partners a chance to work on their shadow sides.”
Kendrick’s sun exactly conjoins Drake’s Lilith at 26 degrees Gemini. “Often, the sun person [Kendrick] represents all that the Lilith person [Drake] wants but can never quite “catch.” There is an illusive vibe to this relationship. The Lilith person may feel somewhat less-than or “bad.” Lilith conjunct sun in synastry is a test for the Lilith person because their most taboo qualities such as obsession and anger will be activated, but it’s also a test for the sun person. The lesson is for the sun individual to stand their ground and follow their inner voice. Lilith is neither good nor bad, and the sun person can share in some of the Lilith partner’s activities without merging.”
This resonates with the fact that despite Drake’s huge commercial success, he is deeply jealous of Kendrick’s critical success. In Family Matters Drake took a jab at Kendrick’s acclaim (“Kendrick just opened his mouth, someone go hand him a Grammy right now”), and the beef between them played out similarly, with many rap fans deciding that Kendrick won before even listening to Drake. I think it’s obvious that Kendrick is a stronger rapper, but it’s also clear that Drake wasn’t given a fair shake.
Drake’s Lilith makes a tight trine to Kendrick’s Mercury. “Both the Lilith person and the Mercury person help each other to bring unhealed deeper wounds and unconscious emotion to the surface and articulate deeper, wild instincts. Mercury person [Kendrick] helps Lilith person [Drake] make sense of their inner restlessness and insecurities, sexual passions and unresolved rage. Mercury person may find Lilith person to be highly emotional but is also intrigued by Lilith person’s edgy and unique perspective.” It’s remarkable that both of their Liliths are interlocked with each other’s inner planets, creating a push-pull, love-hate, shadow-enlightening dynamic between the two.
I think the obsession goes both ways, and that part of the reason Kendrick fought back so viciously was because Drake triggers something in him shown through the Lilith synastry. Drake shows Kendrick what he could be–a charismatic playboy enjoying his fame and money to the fullest. And in engaging with the feud he stooped to a lower level, making unsupported claims about Drake’s supposed secret daughter, and writing a rap song (Meet the Grahams) addressed to Drake’s 5 year old son opening with “Dear Adonis, I’m sorry that man is your father.” All is fair in rap battles–or is it? Questlove called it out, saying on Instagram: “Nobody won the war. This wasn’t about skill. This was a wrestling match level mudslinging and takedown by any means necessary — women & children (& actual facts) be damned.”
Kendrick’s latest diss track Not Like Us has just debuted at number one on the Billboard Top 100, and it’s clear this battle has propelled him to another level of stardom. Drake’s Regulus ascendant arrogance and Scorpionic desire to fight to the death drove him to attack the strongest living rapper, and now he’s dealing with the fallout. Kendrick’s streams of his back catalog are up 50%, while Drake’s are down 5% and his reputation has taken a massive knock. But Kendrick has taken a hit as well. Having rap’s two biggest stars accusing each other of heinous crimes might drive up streams in the short run, but it’s a dangerous game. Astrology helps us understand why these two polar opposites are so intertwined, and why their mutual dislike has spurred on such a captivating firestorm.

[I shared this in girls and gays but wanted to share here as well for those of you not in that sub]
With Kendrick Lamar and Drake’s rap feud raging over the last month, I got curious about what their natal charts say about each of them as rappers, and how the astrological synastry between the two has fueled this chart-topping fight. Luckily we have an accurate birth time for both Drake and Kendrick, so we can see exactly how their charts overlap.
Here’s Drake’s chart:
And here’s Kendrick’s chart:
Inconjunct Suns
Kendrick has a Gemini sun, like many of hip hop’s greatest rappers, including Notorious B.I.G., Tupac, Lauryn Hill and Outkast’s Andre 3000. Geminis are well-suited to rap as the wordsmiths of the zodiac, one of the two signs ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication. Virgo, the other sign ruled by Mercury, expresses the analytical, practical, pragmatic side of the mind, the so-called “left brain” which sorts the wheat from the chaff (and, fittingly, Virgo season aligns with the harvest season of late summer).
Gemini expresses the more playful, self-expressive, hyper-curious “right brain” side of the mind - the monkey mind that swings from branch to branch, seeing connections as it goes. “Curious to a fault, Geminis have a finger in every pie. Solar Geminis are flexible and changeable people. Usually quite clever and witty, Geminis enjoy intellectual conversations and they are easily bored if they are not getting enough mental stimulation.”
Drake is a Scorpio sun, bringing a very different energy to the table. Scorpios seek power above all, and they live life intensely. If Gemini is the court jester, taking life lightly and poking fun at it all, Scorpio is the dark knight plotting and positioning himself for a coup. As one of the two signs ruled by Mars, the planet of war and competition, Scorpios don’t back down from competition, and as a fixed modality sign, they can struggle to let go–even of what hurts them. Scorpios are drawn to the darker sides of life - they know that secrets hold power, so they tend toward privacy, as shown in Drake’s last rap beef, when Pusha T revealed that he had secretly fathered a son with a porn star.
Gemini and Scorpio have a tricky inter-dynamic, with an aspect between them known as a quincunx, or an inconjunct. Quincunxes occur when planets are 150 degrees apart, and therefore share neither an element (water, fire, earth, or air) nor a modality (cardinal, fixed, or mutable). They are at odds in a very fundamental way, and though they can teach each other a lot, in order to get along they will have to make some serious adjustments.
“When these signs get together, they just can’t understand each other. They have almost nothing in common, so it’s hard to find common ground. When a quincunx shows up in a synastry or relationship reading, this can make for a tense or difficult relationship.” This natural repelling dynamic is expressed in Kendrick’s diss song Euphoria (“I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk/I hate the way that you dress/I hate the way you sneak diss, if I catch flight, it's gon' be direct”).
Drake’s ascendant is placed at 29 degrees Leo, exactly conjunct the royal fixed star Regulus. Regulus is one of the luckiest stars in the zodiac, and it is often seen in the charts of celebrities. “On the Ascendant, it will give a courageous and frank character. A splendid and illustrious life; glorious, mighty and commanding nature; fame, busy with many activities, bountiful resources, well known or feared in cities and regions.” But with Regulus on the ascendant, expanding the already narcissistic tendencies of Leo, there is a risk for an over-expansion of the ego and a lack of humility. Drake wants to be the best by all accounts - not just the biggest commercial superstar, which he is, but also the most critically acclaimed rapper, like Pulitzer Prize-winning Kendrick.
Mercury and Mars vs. Mercury and Venus
When it comes to analyzing writers of any sort, I like to look at their Mercuries, and here we see a fascinating contrast. Kendrick’s Mercury is located in intuitive, emotional Cancer (just like Lana del Rey, who I analyzed last week), and it is conjoined with Mars, the planet of war, which is what makes him such a formidable opponent in a rap battle. “Mercury conjunct Mars natal gives a quick mind, rapid reflexes, and a sharp tongue. These attributes are ideal for making quick decisions in the heat of the moment while others hesitate. Excellent debating skills allow you to stand up not only for yourself but for the rights of others. Your enthusiastic, direct and courageous way of expressing yourself can win admiration in politics, business, and the military.”
I think Mercury in combination with Mars is the ideal aspect for the competitive sport of rap, and interestingly enough, Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G., who famously feuded and are considered by many to be the all-time greatest rappers, both had these planets tightly combined (Tupac had Mercury trine Mars with a 1 degree orb, and Biggie had Mercury septile Mars with a 0 degree orb).
Drake, by contrast, has his Mercury conjoined with Mars’ planetary opposite, Venus. Mercury conjoined with creative Venus is a great aspect for a musician, but it lacks the teeth of competitive Mars. “Mercury conjunct Venus natal makes you a lovable, handsome, neat, refined, romantic, and courteous person. You may tend to be passive and submissive, but this is a means by which you achieve peace in your life. You can lovingly communicate things; a melodic, poetic, and relaxing voice often helps this. Mercury rules trade, and Venus rules money, so you could do well in business and enjoy buying and selling.”
Many of Drake’s biggest hits show this melodic Mercury-Venus aspect - like the no-rapping, all-singing “Hold On, We’re Going Home,” “Hotline Bling” and “One Dance,” or the purported feminist anthem “Nice for What.” Many think Drake is best as a pop star rather than a rapper, which Kendrick references in Euphoria (“I like Drake with the melodies, I don't like Drake when he act tough” “Keep makin' me dance, wavin' my hand and it won't be no threat”).
Mercury conjunct Venus should be a very positive aspect for Drake, and in many ways it is – as two of the planets that rule over money (Mercury the marketplace, and Venus the possessions), this aspect is part of why he’s had such incredible financial success. However, a few factors complicate it. For one thing, they are located together in Scorpio, ruled by Mars. His Mercury is expressed in a Venusian way, but it wants to be expressed in a Martian way. I think this is why Drake returns regularly to gangster rap despite his success in pop and R&B. He wants to be a Mercury-Mars rap powerhouse like Kendrick, Biggie, and Tupac, but he’s fundamentally different. From the beginning of his career he’s been taunted as soft, weak, feminine, privileged–all very Venusian adjectives.
Another complicating factor is that Drake’s Venus is doubly challenged - it is both in detriment in Scorpio, as well as retrograde. Venus is in detriment in Scorpio because it rules over Scorpio’s opposite, Taurus, and so the planet is not at ease in suspicious, jealous Scorpio. “Fears of being too vulnerable or of giving up their own power to others is strong. Scorpio is an “all or nothing” energy, and relationships tend to be somewhat of a rollercoaster ride as a result. Disdain for mediocrity and superficiality can compel them to create crises in order to feel alive and vital.”
Venus retrograde in the natal chart “suggests you have some difficulty in giving and receiving love and affection. You may experience sadness in love or have to endure hardship or delay. Natal Venus in retrograde can also show as excessive use of makeup and jewelry or even disfigurement from cosmetic surgery.” It’s interesting how some of the allegations against Drake in Kendrick’s songs have included a nose job and a Brazilian butt lift. After Drake told Metro Boomin to “shut up and make some drums” in his initial Kendrick diss Push Ups, the producer responded with “BBL Drizzy.”
Drake has never been married or had a public long-term relationship. His highest profile one with Rihanna was on-again, off-again, and at times seemed more like unrequited love than true commitment. When interviewed about the relationship, he said “As life takes shape and teaches you#Personal_life) your own lessons, I end up in this situation where I don't have the fairy tale [of] 'Drake started a family with Rihanna, [it's] so perfect.' It looks so good on paper [and] I wanted it too at one time.” Two years ago Drake had jeweler Alex Moss create a necklace worth $12.5 million dollars built from dozens of engagement rings he had made but never used: ““New piece titled ‘Previous Engagements’ for all the times he thought about it but never did it,” Moss wrote over a video showcasing the stunning necklace, which is made up of “42 engagement rings” totaling “351.38 carats in diamonds.”” It’s quite the testament to a challenged natal Venus.
Lilith Synastry
Here is Drake and Kendrick’s synastry (Drake is on the outer circle):
The most interesting thing I found digging into Drake and Kendrick’s charts was the presence of Lilith in their synastry. Lilith is an asteroid associated with the “angry woman” figure as well as female liberation. In some Jewish folklore Lilith was the first wife of Adam, but she was banished from the Garden of Eden for not obeying him and replaced with Eve.
“In the intricacies of a birth chart, Black Moon Lilith symbolizes the raw essence of femininity, the primal urges, and the suppressed parts of our psyche that lie in the shadows. This point, not a planet but a mathematical point, reveals where one might feel estranged, challenged, or empowered to go against the grain of societal norms. It unveils deep-seated desires, innate instincts, and perhaps the areas where one feels the need to challenge established roles or expectations. It's a place of power, mystique, and, occasionally, friction – pinpointing where one's true nature might clash with the conventional, leading to feelings of marginalization or rebellion.”
The allegations Drake and Kendrick threw at each other both had to do with mistreatment of women - Drake said that Kendrick abused his fiancée, and Kendrick said Drake was a pedophile who shouldn’t be trusted around young women.
Both Drake and Kendrick’s Liliths make tight aspects with the other’s chart. “Whenever Lilith is around, you can expect to feel a wild, intense, deep, and sometimes obsessive energy. If you have Lilith aspects in synastry then this energy will show up in your relationship. Whenever your Lilith touches one of your partner’s planets or vice-versa, you can expect to see your deepest fears revealed. You might also see glimpses of things you desire but can’t have. Ultimately, Lilith aspects in synastry give both partners a chance to work on their shadow sides.”
Kendrick’s sun exactly conjoins Drake’s Lilith at 26 degrees Gemini. “Often, the sun person [Kendrick] represents all that the Lilith person [Drake] wants but can never quite “catch.” There is an illusive vibe to this relationship. The Lilith person may feel somewhat less-than or “bad.” Lilith conjunct sun in synastry is a test for the Lilith person because their most taboo qualities such as obsession and anger will be activated, but it’s also a test for the sun person. The lesson is for the sun individual to stand their ground and follow their inner voice. Lilith is neither good nor bad, and the sun person can share in some of the Lilith partner’s activities without merging.”
This resonates with the fact that despite Drake’s huge commercial success, he is deeply jealous of Kendrick’s critical success. In Family Matters Drake took a jab at Kendrick’s acclaim (“Kendrick just opened his mouth, someone go hand him a Grammy right now”), and the beef between them played out similarly, with many rap fans deciding that Kendrick won before even listening to Drake. I think it’s obvious that Kendrick is a stronger rapper, but it’s also clear that Drake wasn’t given a fair shake.
Drake’s Lilith makes a tight trine to Kendrick’s Mercury. “Both the Lilith person and the Mercury person help each other to bring unhealed deeper wounds and unconscious emotion to the surface and articulate deeper, wild instincts. Mercury person [Kendrick] helps Lilith person [Drake] make sense of their inner restlessness and insecurities, sexual passions and unresolved rage. Mercury person may find Lilith person to be highly emotional but is also intrigued by Lilith person’s edgy and unique perspective.” It’s remarkable that both of their Liliths are interlocked with each other’s inner planets, creating a push-pull, love-hate, shadow-enlightening dynamic between the two.
I think the obsession goes both ways, and that part of the reason Kendrick fought back so viciously was because Drake triggers something in him shown through the Lilith synastry. Drake shows Kendrick what he could be–a charismatic playboy enjoying his fame and money to the fullest. And in engaging with the feud he stooped to a lower level, making unsupported claims about Drake’s supposed secret daughter, and writing a rap song (Meet the Grahams) addressed to Drake’s 5 year old son opening with “Dear Adonis, I’m sorry that man is your father.” All is fair in rap battles–or is it? Questlove called it out, saying on Instagram: “Nobody won the war. This wasn’t about skill. This was a wrestling match level mudslinging and takedown by any means necessary — women & children (& actual facts) be damned.”
Kendrick’s latest diss track Not Like Us has just debuted at number one on the Billboard Top 100, and it’s clear this battle has propelled him to another level of stardom. Drake’s Regulus ascendant arrogance and Scorpionic desire to fight to the death drove him to attack the strongest living rapper, and now he’s dealing with the fallout. Kendrick’s streams of his back catalog are up 50%, while Drake’s are down 5% and his reputation has taken a massive knock. But Kendrick has taken a hit as well. Having rap’s two biggest stars accusing each other of heinous crimes might drive up streams in the short run, but it’s a dangerous game. Astrology helps us understand why these two polar opposites are so intertwined, and why their mutual dislike has spurred on such a captivating firestorm.

The huge alien vessel loomed into view of the lunar diplomatic station's windows. Jonah stared up at the immense black shape blocking out the stars, feeling an influx of mixed emotions. As Earth's chief ambassador, the responsibility for how this first contact went weighed heavily on him. He took a deep breath to compose himself as the airlock connected with an audible thunk.
The massive frames of the arriving Vrax nearly filled the chamber as the inner door slid open. Their dark brown exoskeletons glinted under the lights, and bulbous blue eyes regarded the humans with an unreadable expression. The lead alien, Ambassador Grax, extended a claw in greeting which Jonah cautiously shook. Through translation algorithms, Grax declared they came in peace and wished to forge a prosperous relationship.
The ensuing talks did not go as Jonah hoped. Grax demanded access to the resource-rich asteroid belts, along with tribute payments to the Vrax Empire. When Jonah protested that humanity could not simply cede sovereign territory, Grax's tone turned condescending. "Consider this a generous offer, given our technological superiority." Jonah bit back a retort, mind racing to defuse the situation.
That evening, the diplomats convened an emergency video call with world leaders back on Earth. "Their demands are outrageous and set a terrible precedent," declared the Chinese premier. "We must stand firm or risk becoming tributary vassals," agreed the Russian president. Arguments flew across cultural and ideological lines until Jonah called for calm. "Antagonizing them could provoke conflict. I say we request further dialogue to find common ground."
The next meeting with Grax did not go smoothly. No matter how Jonah framed alternative proposals, the alien remained fixated on tribute and territory. When Jonah stood his ground, Grax's eyes flashed red in a sign of anger unfamiliar to the humans. "Do not test our patience, Ambassador. Your world depends on our good graces." Jonah ended the talks with a bitter taste in his mouth, dreading informing the others.
That night, Jonah paced the station, wrestling with their disastrous options. Take on the Vrax fleet and demonstrate to the galaxy the true nature of humanity, or give in to their oppressive demands?
He heard footsteps and turned to see his second-in-command, Captain Sato, entering with a grim look. "Grax just issued an ultimatum - accept their terms within a solar day or face reprisals." Jonah's heart sank further at this escalation.
In an emergency session, viewscreens filled with tense faces as Jonah briefed the situation. Shouts immediately erupted over what to do, none of the viable choices appealing. Then, the elderly UN Secretary General spoke slowly and calmly. "My friends, while force will gain us nothing, weakness will see our sovereignty trampled. I suggest we issue one final, simple message - that any harm to humanity will be met with swift and overwhelming response. This buys time for diplomacy without losing face or firing a shot. All agreed?" The room fell silent, then gradually, nations signaled consensus on this last hope. Now it was in Grax's claws.
The news of the Vrax's demands spread like wildfire across the solar system. On Earth, massive crowds swarmed city centers, chanting "No tribute!" and "Off our world!". Even hardened military analysts conceded humanity had no means to repel a full attack.
Jonah watched the coverage, weary after hours of unproductive talks with Grax. The ambassador remained resolute, because Earths resources were required for the survival of the Vrax Empire. His mention of force cast a grim pallor over the room. As Jonah returned to the station, Captain Sato gave a grim update. Social media was swimming with calls to arms, governments debated reactive shows of military force.
An emergency UN session convened via hologram. Shouts echoed in the vast chamber as leaders demanded strategies. "Further concessions will destroy our dignity!" roared the Chinese premier. The Russian president warned a small deterrent strike could backfire catastrophically. "Our people will never accept subjugation," said the Indian foreign minister.
Jonah relayed his advice to find diplomatic solutions.
On the lunar station, Jonah stared up at the alien warship, praying his diplomacy to paid off. Whatever happened, Earth would not go down without teaching these newcomers, that humanity was not so easy to conquer.
Grax saw humanity's final desperate plea as a threat, that neither safety nor pride could ignore. Now there was nothing to do but wait.
On the Vrax command ship, Grax snarled as the human's message was translated. His blue eyes flashed red with rage. "Insolent primitives! They dare threaten the mighty Vrax Empire?" He stabbed a claw at his subcommander. "Launch the entire assault fleet at once. I want those upstart human colonies wiped from the stars."
The subcommander scrambled to obey, sending the order to the hundreds of ships waiting on standby. Throughout the armada, crew rushed to battle stations as engines roared to life. Within minutes, the full force of the Vrax military swung into a sharp intercept course, weapons priming for the slaughter to come.
Within the lunar station, alarms blared as long-range sensors detected the armada changing course. "They're heading straight for the moon bases at maximum speed," cried Captain Sato, studying the readouts in horror. Ambassador Jonah prepared himself and delivered a command: decloak only one dreadnought, and show Earth and the galaxy who we truly are!
Through the viewport, he peered into the black and saw a faint flare of light growing behind Earth's shadow.
On the bridge of the ESN Phoenix, Commander Aoki watched the enemy fleet emerge on her sensors, over 500 enemy contacts closing at dangerous velocity. "All hands to battle stations," she ordered calmly into the comm.
Around her, the crew leapt into well-practiced motions as blast doors sealed, and armor plating hummed into place. "Charge main kinetic barriers and plasma lances. Stand by rocket pods for intercept maneuvers."
Aoki felt the deck plates vibrate, as the massive engines thundered to life, pulling the Phoenix from its geosynchronous orbit in a burst of golden light.
Through the forward windows, the crew watched Earth fall away at dizzying speed, as the automated piloting system slammed the nose up, and spun the dreadnought to align with its intercept vector. By the time the first Vrax ships broke Lunar orbit, the Phoenix would be waiting.
On the lead Vrax cruiser, Grax glared at the sensor display, showing the lone human warship, accelerating to engage his fleet alone. "Impossible," he spat. "No single vessel could stand against hundreds. All ships!" he bellowed, "Concentrate your fire and crush that eyesore!" Around him, crew scrambled to comply, locking targeting solutions across the squadrons. But as the first energy beams, and plasma lances lanced out, they merely flickered off invisible shields, far stronger than their own.
As the first energy beams and plasma lances streaked towards the Phoenix, Commander Aoki watched their vivid colors, dim and disperse across the ship's energy barriers. "Damage report?" she asked curtly. "Shields holding at 99%", responded the sensors officer. While an unprecedented barrage for any other vessel, the Phoenix's armor could withstand an nation's worth of firepower for hours.
"Return fire, target lead enemy cruisers", ordered Aoki. Before the words left her mouth, flickers of light erupted from the Phoenix's forward batteries. Dual heavy plasma lances, intense as a sun's core, lashed out like spears. They sheared through the initial Vrax ships with brutal efficiency, superstructures evaporating within the star hot beams.
A spread of precision antimatter warheads followed, tiny singularities of annihilation blossoming into explosions that obliterated entire capital ships. Not a single shot missed its mark, targeting computers guided by an intelligence far superior to any the aliens possessed. Behind the initial devastation, dozens more Vrax craft spun out of control, dead in space.
A flicker of doubt entered Grax's mind at the devastation wrought by this single opponent. But he steeled his resolve, determined to outlast the human war machine through sheer numbers. "All ships jump to flanking positions, surround it and pummel the eyesore from all sides." Obedient to their instincts, the Vrax pilots executed precision micro-jumps that scattered their fleet in an immersive cloud.
Yet for all their coordination, the Phoenix's defenses and countermeasures were vastly more advanced. As waves of plasma and coherent beams lashed at it from every angle, point-defense cannons methodically picked off attackers. Not a single shot touched its heavily ablative armor plates.
Inside the hull, crew calmly went about their duties, the ship responding to their desires before they were even voiced. An autonomous parasite weapon was deployed, an obsidian spheres that swallowed incoming fire like a singularity. When satiated, it vomited the torn energies of a hundred ships back at their original vectors. Squadrons disintegrated under their own firepower.
Grax howled at the massacre unfolding, his vaunted fleet being picked apart ship by ship. Few commanders in history had witnessed the obliteration of an armada with their own eyes. Despite everything, Grax refused to back down until the Human war machine was itself destroyed.
He cried out the order for supreme suicide tactics, a final gambit to see them all go down together...
Twenty more Dreadnoughts decloaked around the battlefield´. Drax thoughts run through his head," Only suicide here will be his".
Surrender was the only Option!

The huge alien vessel loomed into view of the lunar diplomatic station's windows. Jonah stared up at the immense black shape blocking out the stars, feeling an influx of mixed emotions. As Earth's chief ambassador, the responsibility for how this first contact went weighed heavily on him. He took a deep breath to compose himself as the airlock connected with an audible thunk.
The massive frames of the arriving Vrax nearly filled the chamber as the inner door slid open. Their dark brown exoskeletons glinted under the lights, and bulbous blue eyes regarded the humans with an unreadable expression. The lead alien, Ambassador Grax, extended a claw in greeting which Jonah cautiously shook. Through translation algorithms, Grax declared they came in peace and wished to forge a prosperous relationship.
The ensuing talks did not go as Jonah hoped. Grax demanded access to the resource-rich asteroid belts, along with tribute payments to the Vrax Empire. When Jonah protested that humanity could not simply cede sovereign territory, Grax's tone turned condescending. "Consider this a generous offer, given our technological superiority." Jonah bit back a retort, mind racing to defuse the situation.
That evening, the diplomats convened an emergency video call with world leaders back on Earth. "Their demands are outrageous and set a terrible precedent," declared the Chinese premier. "We must stand firm or risk becoming tributary vassals," agreed the Russian president. Arguments flew across cultural and ideological lines until Jonah called for calm. "Antagonizing them could provoke conflict. I say we request further dialogue to find common ground."
The next meeting with Grax did not go smoothly. No matter how Jonah framed alternative proposals, the alien remained fixated on tribute and territory. When Jonah stood his ground, Grax's eyes flashed red in a sign of anger unfamiliar to the humans. "Do not test our patience, Ambassador. Your world depends on our good graces." Jonah ended the talks with a bitter taste in his mouth, dreading informing the others.
That night, Jonah paced the station, wrestling with their disastrous options. Take on the Vrax fleet and demonstrate to the galaxy the true nature of humanity, or give in to their oppressive demands?
He heard footsteps and turned to see his second-in-command, Captain Sato, entering with a grim look. "Grax just issued an ultimatum - accept their terms within a solar day or face reprisals." Jonah's heart sank further at this escalation.
In an emergency session, viewscreens filled with tense faces as Jonah briefed the situation. Shouts immediately erupted over what to do, none of the viable choices appealing. Then, the elderly UN Secretary General spoke slowly and calmly. "My friends, while force will gain us nothing, weakness will see our sovereignty trampled. I suggest we issue one final, simple message - that any harm to humanity will be met with swift and overwhelming response. This buys time for diplomacy without losing face or firing a shot. All agreed?" The room fell silent, then gradually, nations signaled consensus on this last hope. Now it was in Grax's claws.
The news of the Vrax's demands spread like wildfire across the solar system. On Earth, massive crowds swarmed city centers, chanting "No tribute!" and "Off our world!". Even hardened military analysts conceded humanity had no means to repel a full attack.
Jonah watched the coverage, weary after hours of unproductive talks with Grax. The ambassador remained resolute, because Earths resources were required for the survival of the Vrax Empire. His mention of force cast a grim pallor over the room. As Jonah returned to the station, Captain Sato gave a grim update. Social media was swimming with calls to arms, governments debated reactive shows of military force.
An emergency UN session convened via hologram. Shouts echoed in the vast chamber as leaders demanded strategies. "Further concessions will destroy our dignity!" roared the Chinese premier. The Russian president warned a small deterrent strike could backfire catastrophically. "Our people will never accept subjugation," said the Indian foreign minister.
Jonah relayed his advice to find diplomatic solutions.
On the lunar station, Jonah stared up at the alien warship, praying his diplomacy to paid off. Whatever happened, Earth would not go down without teaching these newcomers, that humanity was not so easy to conquer.
Grax saw humanity's final desperate plea as a threat, that neither safety nor pride could ignore. Now there was nothing to do but wait.
On the Vrax command ship, Grax snarled as the human's message was translated. His blue eyes flashed red with rage. "Insolent primitives! They dare threaten the mighty Vrax Empire?" He stabbed a claw at his subcommander. "Launch the entire assault fleet at once. I want those upstart human colonies wiped from the stars."
The subcommander scrambled to obey, sending the order to the hundreds of ships waiting on standby. Throughout the armada, crew rushed to battle stations as engines roared to life. Within minutes, the full force of the Vrax military swung into a sharp intercept course, weapons priming for the slaughter to come.
Within the lunar station, alarms blared as long-range sensors detected the armada changing course. "They're heading straight for the moon bases at maximum speed," cried Captain Sato, studying the readouts in horror. Ambassador Jonah prepared himself and delivered a command: decloak only one dreadnought, and show Earth and the galaxy who we truly are!
Through the viewport, he peered into the black and saw a faint flare of light growing behind Earth's shadow.
On the bridge of the ESN Phoenix, Commander Aoki watched the enemy fleet emerge on her sensors, over 500 enemy contacts closing at dangerous velocity. "All hands to battle stations," she ordered calmly into the comm.
Around her, the crew leapt into well-practiced motions as blast doors sealed, and armor plating hummed into place. "Charge main kinetic barriers and plasma lances. Stand by rocket pods for intercept maneuvers."
Aoki felt the deck plates vibrate, as the massive engines thundered to life, pulling the Phoenix from its geosynchronous orbit in a burst of golden light.
Through the forward windows, the crew watched Earth fall away at dizzying speed, as the automated piloting system slammed the nose up, and spun the dreadnought to align with its intercept vector. By the time the first Vrax ships broke Lunar orbit, the Phoenix would be waiting.
On the lead Vrax cruiser, Grax glared at the sensor display, showing the lone human warship, accelerating to engage his fleet alone. "Impossible," he spat. "No single vessel could stand against hundreds. All ships!" he bellowed, "Concentrate your fire and crush that eyesore!" Around him, crew scrambled to comply, locking targeting solutions across the squadrons. But as the first energy beams, and plasma lances lanced out, they merely flickered off invisible shields, far stronger than their own.
As the first energy beams and plasma lances streaked towards the Phoenix, Commander Aoki watched their vivid colors, dim and disperse across the ship's energy barriers. "Damage report?" she asked curtly. "Shields holding at 99%", responded the sensors officer. While an unprecedented barrage for any other vessel, the Phoenix's armor could withstand an nation's worth of firepower for hours.
"Return fire, target lead enemy cruisers", ordered Aoki. Before the words left her mouth, flickers of light erupted from the Phoenix's forward batteries. Dual heavy plasma lances, intense as a sun's core, lashed out like spears. They sheared through the initial Vrax ships with brutal efficiency, superstructures evaporating within the star hot beams.
A spread of precision antimatter warheads followed, tiny singularities of annihilation blossoming into explosions that obliterated entire capital ships. Not a single shot missed its mark, targeting computers guided by an intelligence far superior to any the aliens possessed. Behind the initial devastation, dozens more Vrax craft spun out of control, dead in space.
A flicker of doubt entered Grax's mind at the devastation wrought by this single opponent. But he steeled his resolve, determined to outlast the human war machine through sheer numbers. "All ships jump to flanking positions, surround it and pummel the eyesore from all sides." Obedient to their instincts, the Vrax pilots executed precision micro-jumps that scattered their fleet in an immersive cloud.
Yet for all their coordination, the Phoenix's defenses and countermeasures were vastly more advanced. As waves of plasma and coherent beams lashed at it from every angle, point-defense cannons methodically picked off attackers. Not a single shot touched its heavily ablative armor plates.
Inside the hull, crew calmly went about their duties, the ship responding to their desires before they were even voiced. An autonomous parasite weapon was deployed, an obsidian spheres that swallowed incoming fire like a singularity. When satiated, it vomited the torn energies of a hundred ships back at their original vectors. Squadrons disintegrated under their own firepower.
Grax howled at the massacre unfolding, his vaunted fleet being picked apart ship by ship. Few commanders in history had witnessed the obliteration of an armada with their own eyes. Despite everything, Grax refused to back down until the Human war machine was itself destroyed.
He cried out the order for supreme suicide tactics, a final gambit to see them all go down together...
Twenty more Dreadnoughts decloaked around the battlefield´. Drax thoughts run through his head," Only suicide here will be his".
Surrender was the only Option!

So today I learned that alcohol shows up on drug screens 😂 I had to take a drug test but HR called me today and said it came back invalidated because the medical officer found traces of alcohol in my urine from the Cinco De Mayo weekend festivities. I was shocked as I took the test last Monday around 12pm and my last drink was on Sunday around 6 or 7pm. This was through Quest Diagnostics btw.
Edit: This was a urine test

Hello, I had a vit d deficiency of level 6 in March 2023
I went to a doctor and requested the right dose of vit d as my deficiency was severe and I was constantly shaking and felt like I would die. The doctor prescribed me 1 injection of 6L arachitol twice a week for 4 weeks.
Then also take 8 supplements of 60k iu vitamin d
I started taking it and by the end of the injections, 1 month had passed and I developed debilitating vertigo
I went back to her and she told me continue taking vitamin d supplements and quit my job and go relax in Another country. I quit my job as I was very worried about my health at this point and the doctor scared me into it. I had a very good wfh job.
I took 4 supplements as instructed but all my bones started to hurt and I was having severe heart palpitations, night sweats and shivers at the same time. I also developed s in my neck, shoulder, above ankle and below wrist, all on he right side of my body as it's the side I took all the injections.
I googled about the dosage worrying about my symptoms and it suggested Vit d toxicity so I got the levels checked and it indeed was 109 toxicity.
So I stopped supplements and restricted calcium and decided to check it next month.
But the next month it was 127 toxicity.
Anything above 100 is toxicity as per the reports.
I developed severe body pain and my upper back cramped straight for 2 weeks and I couldn't move my upper body.
My uric acid levels were Normal, calcium was in range cause I kept avoiding it.
I went to a doctor and I was suggested to walk 1 hour a day and avoid calcium and vit d
I did so but my vertigo remained and I developed tingling and numbness all over my body and burning near all my joints and my entire head tingling and numbing.
I got several infections of the ears nose and eyes due to extreme dehydration from the overdose. The ENT I visited just treated me with multiple antibiotics and loaded me up on anti vertigo medicines. Which still didn't stop my vertigo
I visited a neuro and they suggested an mri "only to calm me down" cause I was over reacting and it was a brain mri and it showed a c5-c6 annular fissure and nerve indentation.
I was advised to wear a collar which I did from sept to January 2024.
My vit d was now at 36 and finally low enough but none of my swellings subsided. I haven't been able to walk properly since months or do ANYTHING as even chewing triggers the swellings.
Vertigo is mild now but still persists.
Doctors are very dismissive of everything I say and will not provide any solution for the awellings
I've been to physiotherapy as suggested by them and do exercises but my swellings only get worse by even doing the minimum
January I visited an orthopaedic again and he told me to stay home for a year and ignore myself and that I would be fine. It makes me want to off myself that they don't provide any solutions.
My family never cared about me and thinks Im over reacting but I can't look down or move, I can't draw and pursue my hobbies cause it's making my neck swell up to the point I can barely d have difficulty swallowing because of the swelling. I am severely depressed..
Ive gained weight too and they have been body shaming me. I am 5'3, I used to be petite and I think in my 40s-early 50s in kg, I am 64-66 kgs now and doctors have said it's fine but ik I'm overweight by a few kgs. I'm meant to be 57 and everyone blames my weight but I literally can't walk more than 400 steps without debilitating pain, I have walked despite the horrible pain 4000 steps a day minimum it causes a visual issue where everything around me starts moving backwards... Idk what it is but I think it's like vertigo, atleast that's what I assume. Same when I work out..
Ive been doing back pain yoga for 20 mins everyday.
It has also effected my eye sight, I had 0.5-0. 7 vision in both eyes since I was in 5th grade and it never increased and before the overdose this is what is was. But I got it checked last sep and it is now, 1.75 in each eye and I have double vision if I look at a certain angle.. And the muscles around my right eye hurt.. My eyes take time to line up together as well and focus.. I have blurry vision often..
I did some research and online via reddit it suggested that Vit d depletes vit k2 and magnesium and may help break down calcium if they're in the wrong places.
I ate blueberries for the first time in April 2024 and my neck swelling seemed less and I really thought it may all go away cause they're rich In k2 and mag.
I did all the blood tests suggested by a doctor and all of them came back normal, including arthritis tests and bone density tests.
I also requested more mris as my back and neck still hurt massively and I found out I have c4-c6 protrusions and L5-S1 bulge.. I am at a loss on what to do with myself.
I showed the ortho all the reports and requested supplements for k2 and mag and was provided a 30 day prescription for calcimax k2. I was suggested to only walk for the disc issues..
I have been taking it and the first 3 days the swellings seemed down and I experienced much less pain but it's the 5th day and my swellings are back full fledged and it's painful enough to have a panic attack..
I am at a loss and I don't know what to do, I did approach a lawyer to sue the doctor and I have been told I cannot lose in court if I do file and then the lawyer dipped and he also wants 15% and I don't have the funds cause I've been unemployed for a year
I've been working since I was 16 cause my lifes always been hell and I've had a nail fungus issue since the past 14 years and I haven't lived normally as I can't dip my hands in water as it lifts the nails off the nail bed and it's extremely painful.
Idk what to do anymore and I can't keep being strong and keep getting through this and I feel trapped.. If any one at all, a doctor or medical professional can comment on this and assist me I would really really appreciate it.

For context: we have two kids age 8 and 5.
Just back from 10 nights at POFQ, our first ever Disney trip. Overall really liked the hotel, it's a shame they had a pipe burst in their swimming pool and it was being repaired for most of our stay, but it was still a really nice place. Swimming pool at Riverside was only a 10 min walk away.
I had a good outline of our itinerary for the whole stay written up before we left with plenty of ADRs , however what we actually did was quite different.
Wrote up as much as I could remember, the exact order of events in particular is a bit muddy but I did my best.
Day 1: Arrive in the early evening, went to the pool, had inner in the food hall, went to bed.
Day 2: Genie + at Magic Kingdom. Totally screwed up EE that day because the park opened at 8am that day which caught me off guard, but aside from not rope-dropping Seven Dwarves as planned, we still got SO much done that day.
Arrived at 8am park opening.
Jungle Cruise
Big Thunder Mountain x 2
Pirates of the Carribbean
Ariel
Barnstormer x 2
Dumbo
Genie + Peter Pan
Laugh Floor
Genie + Buzz Lightyear
Peoplemover
Genie + Space Mountain/Speedway (in two parts since my youngest didn't go on it, I took both my kids to speedway while my husband had his turn)
Big Thunder again
Small World (but son needed toilet in queue so we left and husband and daughter stayed)
Then we went back into Smallworld while daughter and husband did Barnstormer again.
Genie + Winnie the Pooh.
Dinner at Skipper Canteen - so good!
We also watched the parade that day but it was sooo hot, we opted for a poorer view from a main street shop in the shade. Was not worth sticking out the heat for the length of time you would need to get an optimal view. I think trying to go our very first day was a mistake because we weren't acclimatised at all yet.
The longest queue we had that day was probably for Smallworld. Everything moved really quickly! Was also happy with Genie+.
Day 2: Animal Kingdom
Had entry issues and needed cards re-assigned at entry so kinda messed up FOP EE rope drop but husband and daughter persevered anyway. Son and I did Na'vi River and explored Pandora and stared Wilderness Explorers. Spent a LOT of time in Pandora gift shop.
Gorilla Trek
Wildlife Express and Rafiki's Planet Watch.
Festival of the Lion King (so good!)
It's Tough to be a Bug
Triceratops Spin
Had really nice homey feeling cookie and gigantic ice cream in Dinoland
Dinosaur (3 of us loved this ride, my son thought it was a bit too scary also it seemed like they should increase the height requirement because he could barely reach the bar to brace himself. I know it's being discontinued though.)
Safari
Dinner at hotel.
Day 3: Hollywood Studios
Successful EE rope drop for Rise of the Resistance
Smuggler's Run
Met Donald Duck
Met Goofy and Max
Star Tours
Runaway Railway (queue was brutal in the sun but it was a great ride)
Indiana Jones Show
Star Tours again
Muppets 3d
Race Academy - did not know what to expect coming in. If we had known we would not have trekked all the way across the park in the heat for that. My son DID like it, but it really didn't feel like it was the same quality as any of the other shows or rides.
Went back to Galaxy's edge for Blue and Green milk + puffbread. All really good. We possibly did Star Tour again, I don't remember haha.
The wait times for everything else being very long + the heat had us going back to the hotel early.
Dinner at hotel.
Day 4: Magic Kingdom Day 2
Tried to EE rope drop 7 dwarves but it was down and we decided not to wait it out (rookie mistake)
Teacups
Thunder Mountain x 2
Split up and did Haunted Mansion/ Smallworld (and got stuck on Smallworld for like 15 minutes)
Haunted mansion crew did Carousel while waiting for us, then we did Carousel after.
Took Daughter to meet Pooh and Tigger while the others did Speedway + People Mover
Back to hotel early for dinner.
Day 5: Genie + Epcot.
Failed to get Guardians Boarding at 7am.
EE Test Track
Mission Space (Green)
Genie + Remy
Genie + Soarin
Moana water walkthrough
Genie + Living with the Land
Got boarding for guardians for about 6pm. Cancelled ADR because of it.
Spaceship Earth
Met Moana
Genie + Nemo
Genie + Figment
Met Figment
Met Joy
Nemo again
Quick Dinner in Mexico
Gran Fiesta Tour (honestly had no idea this was here, really cool building, kids liked the boat ride)
Finally boarding group for guardians called at nearly 7pm.
Really great day! I seemed to be able to book really quickly back to back for Genie +. Kids really liked all the chill dark rides .
Wanted to do Frozen that day but the Genie+ was sold out even before lunch.
At this point we are really just trying to get things we missed
Day 6: Magic Kingdom Day 3
Successful EE rope drop of Seven Dwarves. Said 75 min wait when we entered but it really wasn't too bad, maybe 30-45. This ride had amazing theming, but was lacking as a coaster.
Teacups
Split up and 2 of us did astral orbiter that had a wait time of 25 minutes, and the other 2 did space mountain with a wait time of 35 minutes. Space mountain finished first!
Carousel
Swiss Family Treehouse
Enchanted Tiki Room
Magic Carpet - this seemed to be my son's favourite of this style ride. He's been talking about magic carpets evey day since.
We actually had a boarding time for Tron but the kids got fed up of the heat so we gave up and cancelled or place in the virtual queue.
Took the train back to the entrance. Very pleasant.
Dinner at hotel
Day 7
Epcot Day 2
We really wanted to do Cosmic Rewind again and do Frozen since we missed it the other day.
We failed to get a 7am boarding so bought an ILL for 11:30
EE rope drop at Frozen, which was down and they tried to get us to go elsewhere but it was open by about 8:45.
Gran Fiesta Tour
Met Asha
We were going to go do Soarin but we got distracted by a giant Joffrey's donut and a squirrel that was fun to watch, and then there was a minor child meltdown so we had a long break before heading to our ILL for Cosmic Rewind. Totally worth the cost.
I tried one last time to see if the kids would explore the World Showcase but they voted to go to the waterpark instead.
We went back to the hotel, then off to Typhoon Lagoon where 3/4 of us got minor scrapes in the wave pool, but kids loved it and would have gone back a second day.
Went back to Disney Springs and got dinner at Chicken Guy. Probably the best fast food I have ever had.
Day 8
Animal Kingdom Day 2
This was a lot of running around chasing short queues. Genie + would have been really good for us at this park.
EE rope drop Everest x 2. Was really good but going backwards made my stomach a bit iffy.
Na'vi River
Safari (finally saw an elephant!)
Nemo Show
Lion King Show again
Met Dug (first character my son was actually excited to meet)
Maharajah Jungle Trek
Back to Disney Springs for Dinner. Went to Pizza Ponte so we could all choose a different topping of pizza. Also walked around and heard live music before we left.
Took daughter to Happily Ever After fireworks that night. Stood above the railway station for a quick escape at the end.
Day 9
Last day :(
Genie + Hollywood Studios
Genie + didn't seem to work as well at this park, it seemed at Epcot I could always book after entering a ride and we used it a lot but at HS it seemed strictly 2 hours apart. Maybe I am just not seeing it clearly.
On reflection , next time I would probably do Slinky Dog at EE followed by Runaway Railway and buy an ILL for Rise and skip Genie + if I was looking to save some money. I would de-prioritise Toy Story Mania next time, but our first day we missed all of the Toy Story area.
EE rope drop Rise of the Resistance. Pretty sure we were on the ride before EE even officially started.
Smuggler's Run
Met The Mandalorian and Grogu (probably the best meet!)
Star Tours
Alien Flying Saucers
Droid Depot
Genie + Slinky dog
Beauty and the Beast show
Met Chewbacca
Met Pluto
Genie + Runaway Railway
Star Tours again
Genie + Toy Story Mania. Ride broke down while in queue. Waited for ages before the put us on the other side, almost missed our next booking.
Oga's Canteen. Tried 4 different non-alcoholic drinks and they were all good. It was super cool. Only downside is we had a high table (standing only) and my son couldn't see the top of the table/anything and he was pretty unimpressed by the whole situation. Flying Saucers Mama Melrose for dinner. Muppets 3d Fantasmic. I read 15 min early "at least" aimed for 30 minutes early, and the place was well more than half full by then. Took a really long time to leave. If there is a next time I would go much earlier and bring snacks just to make getting out easier. Overall I was hugely impressed with the level of detail in everything, and all the cast members were amazing. It was a really cool experience, and it's hard to imagine never going back. If there is a next time I really want to explore the world showcase and do more sit-down meals. We had a lot planned but the kids didn't have the stamina for being in the park all day so we cancelled almost all of them. We also ended up doing parks in a somewhat different order than I initially planned. Kids got really tired of travelling on buses, which is also why we didn't break in the middle of the day and then going back to the parks. Would look at skyliner options next time. Things we didn't get to do:
Try dole whip (never noticed a place to buy it, ice cream was often an urgent necessity so didn't seek it out specifically) Tron (too hot to wait for boarding group when it was already day 3 at magic Kingdom and basically felt done.) Explore World Showcase (too much walking for few rides, from kids' perspective) Eat for fun more (we ate more out of necessity but found fun snacks when convenient) Tower of Terror (queues too long and genie + bookings too late) Frozen Singalong (timing never seemed to work out) Luminous (son had no interest in late night shows so we only did a couple things at night.) Take ride on skyliner. Something that surprised me: queues for popular rides stayed long even at 9pm. Couldn't see a viable alternative to EE rope drop + genie plus to get all the big rides "done" except perhaps if you had extended evening hours, but that would not have worked with our kids. Number of beignets consumed during our stay: 12

NSFW Warning
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have) it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike.
My mother is narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me).
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
I'm sexually attracted to males 20 and over, and I'm romantically and sexually attracted to females 20 and over, I wouldn't even date an 18 or 19 year old.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
The other two friends I stopped communicating with, I wiped the account wiped the content from all areas they were stored on, deleted what they were stored, everything, and there is a possibility it's not out their at all.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, there was also an image I masturbated to which depicted a boy of my age giving oral to a man, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared, or any messages could be exchanged for that matter.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have), it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting. It was relatable.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike, and even my boss at my first job.
My mother is a heavy drinker, narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me). There was also manipulation tactics like gaslighting, she alienated me from others by telling her friends and family how awful I was. Pushed me into meltdowns and got me to lash out, to which she called the police and got me arrested and made me look like the bad one on multiple occasions.
My father was a drug addict who died when I was 14, I saw him less than ten times my whole life, he grew drugs in my room when I was an infant, my most distinct memory is him coming to my house very late one night when I was around 9 or 10 talking about demons and bad spirits.
Addiction runs in my family (my father's father is an equally heavy drinker, his mother is a drug addict who ran a brothel), so the addictive tendencies have been past down to me.
I probably was addicted to porn by 13, and had been feeding it for years without knowing it.
My adopted grandfather died when I was 4, and my adopted grandmother (which I lived with from birth) who was my guiding light, died less than a week before my dad did.
The only father figure I really had (who was an alcoholic but otherwise very good with me) was my mother's partner who she met when I was 6, and he died when I was 8.
I was also very close to my mother's best friend, who had been more of a mother to me than my actual one had been some time died when I was 17.
My mother had an abusive ex who stalked her and threatened to set fire to the house, who also left ranting letters and stood in the back garden at night, so we lived in fear of stuff like that for over a year from when I was 12 through 13.
She also had an abusive lodger who was an even heavier drinker than she is, so from when I was 14 through 16 I witnessed them physically fight, both get arrested and on a few occasions I had to defend her from him.
Many of my friends have betrayed me over the years (I know I'm one to talk) but when this started to happen I would have never dreamed of betraying anyone, personal stuff was shared about me which I trusted them with, there was a lot of bad talking about me without me knowing. My toe closest friend turned on me at age 12 and isolated me from my other friends, I blamed myself at the time which I why I moved schools at 13 since I thought I was just making everyone miserable.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was q9 despite trying to get it since I was 12, it hurt knowing I had been paying my whole life for being different, feeling ashamed of who I am (and rightly so now really), wondering why what I said was offensive, why I didn't understandfulky why this was wrong, why I was so sensitive to jokes, why I took e everyhing literally, why I made impulsive and reckless decisions without understanding the consequences of them.
I was never considered attractive and was ridiculed for it (girls used to jokingly flirt with me to torment me at school). I'm 5'6, always have struggled with weight, hairline started receding at 16, eczema so my skin is always red, dry and flaky, really bad diastema and acid reflux which means it's really hard to make my breath smell nice and my teeth are very worn because of it. I have had sex with someone who was older than me and we were both consenting adults, and we were both very respectful of boundaries.
I was also desensitised to other things slide gore and violence, I played a lot of violent video games when I was a kid, my mother is really into controversial shock movies (she got me to watch Cannibal Holocaust with her when I was 11).
The worst part about all of this is the fact all my friends who I love would hate me if they knew about what I've done so, none of them would trust me anymore or respect me, which is what friendships are all about right? So in a way they feel strange, they feel fake.
I could never find a relationship or true love because nobody wants to date a serial sex offender.
I hate knowing the fact I'm a sex offender, it's eating me alive.
I'm not registered and there is no real proof of what I did, so I can't turn myself in or anything.
I want to do good in the world, I have so much love to give, but it feels wrong me helping people because it feels like there is a sinister undertone to everything I do.
I've always enjoyed being charitable, I love giving money to the homeless or putting change in a donations box.
I feel guilty whenever I feel hapoy since I don't deserve to be, the only things that I enjoy now are food and playing video games, it's the only job I get out of day to day life.
The only fate I deserve is being stabbed to death in prison or something.
All I want is to be loved and accepted despite my flaws and mistakes, but I never could be.
The only other person I've told is my mother, who has been supportive.
I've been on antidepressants since 18 and I'm trying to get therapy, but I'm not hoping or expecting anything good will happen from this. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I wanted to change the world for the better, I wanted to have a son, not to hurt him, but so he doesn't end up like me, but I reliase that is not possible. I don't deserve to be around children.
I hate keeping secrets, but I have no choice but to keep this one.
I want to identify with good people, but I can't.
Every good thing I do is invalidated now.
I forgive everyone who has wronged me in anyway, since I'm worse than them.
I just pray I can go out doing good, doing the right thing.
I am no better than Jimmy Saville, Ian Watkins or any of them types of people.
If you want to motivate me to end it all, feel free.
If you have read through all of this, thank you.

Long story short, my 5 year old diabetic cat hasn't taken to insulin since we discovered he was diabetic with a DKA diagnosis. We treated that, and for the last four months have attempted to treat his diabetes. He was chunky before, but much less fat than most cats I see with diabetes. But now he's down to 7 lbs. He has spent the last two days throwing up his wet food.
Since his diagnosis, he's fluctuated between decent days, horrible days, good days, and end of life days. We almost put him down in March because he didn't eat for two days straight, but the morning we were going to go through with it, he popped up and started eating again. He got better and seemed to be doing fairly well after that.
Now he is right back to where he was then.
He's so exhausted. So weak. If we feed him and give him his insulin, he'll puke a few hours later.
I want to put him down here at home with a mobile vet that specializes in euthanasia. My cat hates car rides and I can't handle his last hour on earth being filled with anxiety. The mobile vet doesn't have availability tonight, and tomorrow is literally the only day of the whole year that I actually have to be at work in the office. We are usually virtual, and I have been in charge of having EVERY virtual employee meet for a huge in-person staff day with events, lunches, outings, etc. All on my plate this one day a year. The timing is honestly insane.
My question is—can we wait until Thursday morning to put him down? Is that too late? Is that a normal amount of time? We weren't even thinking of putting him down until lunch time today. I just thought he was a bit sick but going to bounce back like he has in the past. He seems so much worse today than ever before.
Extra Note: we spent a LOT of money treating the DKA. We cannot pour anymore into vet visits to see what else is wrong and/or do another round of DKA treatment. We put a cap on it, and I have to stick with that. I am waiting for him to urinate so I can do a home test for ketones.

Not real names This is gonna be a long one but I just need someone to hear what I’m going through right now cause I can’t talk to anyone at work about this, I told my wife and she said to ask Reddit so. My journeyman Jack and I (Jack m35 me m21)have worked together for a year now, we work in a remote camp setting 2 weeks on and off, we do maintenance on the camps in the area. My first week is with John who is an amazing journeyman and then my second week is with Jack. Jack is a psychopathic, narcissistic, manipulative, cokehead/stoner, gaslighter who thinks he is the smartest person ever, which Dosnt mix well when your also a supervisor whatching over other workers. For the last 8 months or so his first 2-3 days are spent in his room cause he’s still fucked up from his time off or he just gets super baked and chills out missing meetings not sending reports on time just not doing his job in general and always trying to get me to cover for him. For the first couple months this happened I was happy to help him out, he wasn’t having the best home life and I thought I was helping him, cause he was so manipulative and made me feel sorry for him and understanding. Were now on month 8 of this going on and I can’t do it anymore, he’s supposed to be teaching me but all he dose is get stoned and fucks off we work in a zero tolerance environment so I figured it’s only a matter of time till he gets cought but he also brings in synthetic piss just in case something does happen. I told our main superintendent about why he’s always in his room the first couple days trying to get him to do something about it but apparently they can’t do anything unless he has an incident. So I can’t go and blatantly say he has drugs and synthetic piss cause I’m also the only other person that knows about it so he will know I said something and he will make sure I pay. I’m alot bigger then him so physically I’m not afraid of him but I know what he’s capable of on another level of fucked up like he’s the kind of guy that will stop at nothing to make sure if he goes down everyone goes down with him. Whether it’s true or not he will plant shit to make sure someone else goes down with him or for it. He’s already made threats of if I say anything he will make sure I pay for it. He’s tied in with viatnameese gangsters and HA. I want his job as lead and I go to school in a couple months and my boss offered me the job but I don’t know what to do cause he needs to be gone now. There’s a lot of time between now and when I’m supposed to take over and I’m afraid he’s gonna do something bad that burns everyone,he’s incompetent and insane and it’s really starting to affect my mental health cause he lies and lies about everything but I can’t say shit to anyone cause I also don’t have solid proof to get him fired. Like do I just crash the truck one day with him and get him piss tested, I feel like it’s to late for me to tell my head office what really goes on out here but I’m afraid of what he will do if he finds out about me saying anything, hell he’d probably kill me for making this post. I just need someone to hear this cause idk how much longer this is gonna go on before someone gets hurt or killed. I just hope it’s not me.

Met a guy and his wife who wants to trade me his 2007 dodge minivan for my 1997 jeep cherokee. He comes to check out my jeep says he loves it and really wants it for his wife even though it's not drivable. I test drive his minivan around for a bit and it felt fine, no smoke, smells, or concerns that arise on the surface. I said I was concerned about the driver rear window being broken with plastic covering and he said he'd put a new replacement window in for me. Supposedly the van will also come with a year of insurance included for me. He's sounds like a very nice guy who apparently works as a mechanic out of a local car dealership and has helped lots of people before getting vehicles like this. It all sounds too good to be true so I'm sure you can understand my concerns.
After a day of thinking it over, I messaged him saying I'd like to make the trade. After a day passes his wife messages me saying she's digging up the title and would come by tomorrow with the van. After a few hours he says he needs a photo of my drivers license, and that he's getting the title process started. Reluctantly, I gave him a photo of my my ID via text message. He says by doing it this way I'll get the new title in my name in the mail in a few days instead of a few weeks. He's supposed to be bringing me the van tonight. We haven't even started the process for signing over my title to him for my jeep nor has he put a lot of pressure or talk on me to do so. Here's our last text mesage today:
Me: Hey sorry for the late replay, got my hands full. I still can't wrap my head around the title transfer thing. You said you already put it through for transfer? I didn't even sign the title how could it be transferred? Very confusing
Him: No we have the title The reason we got your ID is because our company will just process the title at the DMV and we'll bring you the title for the van tonight and you'll get the title in the mail the new one with your name on it probably in a couple of days but you'll have the original title until it shows up with your name on it
I've sold and bought cars before and the processs is relatively painless for title transfer. I've never done a vehicle trade like this before so I feel like I'm far from my scope of knowledge in this matter.
Any insight or advice is appreciated.
We are located in Minnesota.

I haven't been diagnosed with but I strongly believe I have autism but hardly anyone takes it seriously. The majority of my family believes it's just anxiety, which it may be but I think my anxiety has only made it 10 times worse, especially since I'm in a bigger school now. The main thing I have realized that made me look more into autism is that I've been masking for a good majority of my life. I got shut down by teachers, students, and family members for being myself a lot or even yelled at. I'm constantly suppressing myself when I'm around others and even when a small part of my actual personality shows I get looked at weirdly or they start treating me a bit differently. It's just a repetitive pattern to me. When I act a bit like myself, I get talked about or ghosted altogether and I never really know why. It's gotten to the point now where I just pretty much isolate myself. I've researched and looked into autism a lot (probably too much) because I knew I had symptoms but I wanted to be 100% sure about my speculation. Majority of the typical traits I do have such as avoiding eye contact, missing social cues, taking things too literally, etc. I've struggled with this since I was a kid but no one really paid attention to it and I was just called sensitive by my family for being too literal (then would get yelled at for whatever reason.) Now I am extremely struggling with noise sensitivity. I don't know if it's developed or always been there because school wise I've only been to super small schools (like 20 people or less for my entire year) and I'm now just going to a bigger school where I'm breaking down at least once a week now because of sensory overload then I just feel dull the rest of the day. This was brought to the attention of both my school counselor and mother but they both believe that it's just anxiety, which I suppose it may be but I truly don't think so. I was originally supposed to see a therapist about 4 years ago for my ADHD and anxiety but it never happened. When I bring it up I'm always told it's going to happen but It never does. Even now I'm told that I'll get set up with a therapist by my mother and possibly tested but I doubt it's going to happen just because of the pattern she has. I feel like I'm hanging on a thread every day and I'm going to snap and have another meltdown at school and I don't know how I can manage it. I have headphones for the noise but they aren't noise cancelling so all it does is tone the voices down a bit (all the ones I can find are overly expensive.) I've been tempted to just wait until I'm 18 since that's only 2 years away but I know I need some sort of help or coping mechanism now before all this gets worse and I eventually have a mental breakdown. I've tried to 'unmask' but It's extremely hard for me to and I really can only do it when I'm at home by myself. Is there any sort of advice anyone can give me until I'm able to get professional help?