A lil advice probably know the answer but would just like opinions on the matter. History.....So almost a year ago i started dating this 47f i am also 47m. We talked on the phone all the time and she lived in a different state at the time we started we also worked for the same company different locations. She got promoted and moved to my state and city. I paid more than 3/4th the moving expenses to help her move since she didn't have any one to help.she kind of liked to drink a lot but at the time always after work. When she moved here she was overwhelmed from work and began drinking at work. She got fired for being drunk on the job after she moved here. That caused us to fight. Bc i stayed with the company. Then they offered me her position which i was supposed to get before her but i had turned it down at first. That caused a major fight. Well she had signed a 1yr lease and couldn't move back. She drinks a lot and we only fight when she drinks. She has bo friends here but bc she drinks a lot i told her i will bot introduce her to my family or daughter bc they don't like drinking. I'm a recovering alcoholic 2yrs sober now. She goes off on me when drinking. She now has a job but everytime she wants to go out she doesn't alone with out me. She gets drunk and doesn't remember what she does. Few months back i had a gut feeling she was lying to me about going out. Yes i know its wrong but i checked her phone and came to find out she had gone out somewhere totally different than where she said she was going and ended up sleeping half naked next to guy. I know from there texts to each other they didn't sleep together but she lied about the whole thing and why she was out all night. When i confronted her We get in a huge fight bc i checked her phone not bc of what she did. The next huge fight she goes out with her new girl friend gets shit faced drunk the girl her new friend calls me to pick her up from the bar. She tells the girl not to let her go home with me for no reason. I've never done anything to her for her to say that i was in total shock. No one at her new job knows who i am. She still goes out and lies to me about and hides things she is doing from me. I know she is still new here and doesn't have a lot of friends. But when she drinks she is a total nightmare tries to blame everything that is wrong on me and says horrible things to me. So last night i broke it off. AITAh???

be me; ex LizarDM
be also me; Adonis Valintellis (Tiefling Paladin), Thalia Milakos (Human Ranger) and Zaahir Kehmet (Earth Genasi Wizard)
the soldier stifled a yawn as he patrolled the sandy beaches of Kalikos
clouds hid the island from the moon’s spectral glow, casting the land into darkness and turning the often silver seas black as coal
his shift had been a long one and just as boring as expected
where once his mind had been sharp and alert, it now lingered on thoughts of a cold drink and a warm bed
his eyes scanned the shore superficially, passing over the same stones and grassy knolls he’d seen a hundred times before
on any other night, he may have noticed the discrepancies in the shoreline
the new rock that appeared almost boat-like on second glance
but alas, his mind was a thousand miles away, and the javelin hit him without warning
the soldier collapsed to his knees, gasping for air like a fish on land
his armour had spared him from the worst of the damage, but the javelin had done its job
stunned and winded, he was rendered defenceless against the four figures that emerged from the darkness
a thought crossed his mind to sound the alarm; but his limbs refused to move and his lungs pleaded for breath
one member of the pack split from the rest. A stout dwarf with a full beard and a grim expression
they approached the helpless man, drawing a sharply curved short sword from their belt
the soldier tried to move
tried to yell
but the dwarf closed the distance between them and cut his throat, putting a violent end to his struggles
wiping the blood clean from his weapon, Oryk hauled the body behind cover before jogging to catch up with his companions
the Order of the Twins moved like shadows in the night. Their passage muffled by the spells woven about their feet
that said, their infiltration still proved easier than expected
skirting the edges of the island, the party avoided common paths and watchful eyes; slipping between gaps in the meagre defences they encountered
their route took them just below the peak of the island; where a lavish home stared out across the ocean
in the distance, tiny twinkling lights just barely outlined the Athosi mainland
the house itself was lit up like a beacon in the night, and roaming globules of fire identified the few guards on rotation. Six or seven at most
less than a third of what they had anticipated
counting their blessings, the small band of adventurers navigated the narrow pathways around the house and approached the island’s southern side, where a lonely dirt road wound its way towards a grove of trees
they moved swiftly and silently through the long grass that grew on either side, but they needn’t have bothered
the road was unguarded, and the entrance to the grove lay bare
“this is too easy,” Cyrene whispered; fidgeting nervously with an iron band around her wrist. “Where are the rest of the guards?”
she, like the rest of her companions, had a dishevelled look to her appearance
a thinness to her features that implied more than a couple missed meals
Oryk shot her a stern look, and the half orc immediately shut her mouth
turning his gaze to the two half elves to his rear, he was answered with obedient silence
Maia had always been thin, but now she was practically gaunt
her eyes carried a weight, and an ugly scar split her lip on the left side
Iris, her sister, had once identified herself with long curly hair
now, it was cut short, and crudely so. As if done with an altogether uncaring hand
both twins wore the same iron band as Cyrene around their left wrist
a thin piece of metal that coiled around their limb like a snake
with a commanding wave of his hand, Oryk led the party through the grove’s northern entrance and into the trees beyond
moving like ghosts between the thin trunks and shallow underbrush, the group made good progress before they heard the sudden snap of a twig in the darkness
Oryk raised a fist and the advance came to an abrupt stop, scanning their surroundings with tense expressions
a series of soft whispers drifted between the trees, accompanied by the rustling of leaves and groaning of branches
the dwarven fighter drew his sica and his companions complied, unsheathing their weapons in response
they began to spot lithe, feminine figures peering out at them from behind the trees. Staring at the strangers with bright, emerald eyes
the women had skin like mottled bark, and hair that plumed about them like foliage
“dryads,” Cyrene declared, lowering her rhomphaia with the faintest hint of relief
Iris and Maia exchanged a look before lowering their own weapons, albeit keeping them close at hand
Oryk, however, raised his short sword threateningly, and pointed it at the nearest nature spirit
“get back in your trees and stay there. Interfere, and we will not hesitate to kill you”
the dryad in question retreated, but the others stood their ground as a frantic whispering filled the trees around them
something dangerous glimmered in Oryk’s eyes, and his fingers tightened around the hilt of his sica
“NOW!” he suddenly bellowed, his voice deep and commanding
the drayds scattered into the trees, leaving a myriad of foul curses and even fouler odours in their wake
Oryk gave a satisfied grunt and turned to leave, only to nearly walk into the dryad that now stood in his way
a spirit with speckled, ashy skin and a stern, stubborn expression
Oryk approached them with his weapon raised
“get out of my way,” he growled. “I won’t ask a third time”
the dryad stared down at him like a disapproving adult would a petulant child, and when it spoke, it did so with a voice like wind through a canopy
“if you were wise, you would return to your masters. You will not find what you seek here”
its eyes lifted to the party, as if directing its words to them
with a snarl, Oryk swiped at the dryad, only to be met by a cloud of pollen and stinging nettles
cursing aloud between bouts of frantic coughing, the dwarf fled the swarm and started rubbing his eyes, which had already begun streaming with tears
muttering under her breath, Cyrene approached his side and laid a hand on his shoulder
“come now, let me see”
lowering his hands to his side, Oryk turned to face her with a grimace, his eyes puffy and red
“Archons above, Oryk,” Cyrene cursed. “You should know better than to taunt a dryad”
as the words left her mouth, the band on her wrist suddenly tightened and the half orc gave a small yelp of pain
glaring at her through bloodshot eyes, Oryk gave the cleric a venomous look
“and you should know better than to speak out of line”
Cyrene’s hands fumbled at the metal around her wrist, refusing to meet the dwarf’s cruel gaze
the cuff continued to coil and squeeze; writhing like a living being as Cyrene frantically whispered a foreign chant beneath her breath
the words seemed to appease the magic item, and it loosened its grip in response
witnessing this cruel display of discipline, the twins began unconsciously massaging the band around their own wrists; as if reminiscing on a similar experience
shaking the pain from her arm, Cyrene set to work curing Oryk’s ailment, uttering a slew of healing spells
with his eyesight restored, Oryk sheathed his weapon and pushed past Cyrene, wandering into the trees
with little other choice other than to follow, the group set off after him
the party walked for some time before a sound other than buzzing insects and murmured curses reached their ears
a low, rumbling that echoed through the trees. Like a dull droning that came in ebbs and flows
once more the group came to a stop, and before Oryk could even turn to look towards the twins, they had already begun to move
creeping forward with the lightest of footsteps, Maia and Iris stealthily approached the sound, deftly avoiding any stray branches or betraying stones
the droning grew louder and louder, until the pair had stopped just shy of its source
peering around a trunk with sharp blue eyes, Maia scanned what lay ahead
the trees parted around an ancient oak, its roots deep and its branches tall
a hollow sat about half way up the trunk. A small opening just wide enough to put a hand or two inside
but the tree was not so interesting as what lay beneath
coiled around the trunk was a creature with a long, serpentine body
its scales, green and flecked with brown, were hard and interlocked like shields in a phalanx
its head, immense and filled with razor sharp teeth, lay curled just below the hollow of the tree
the low rumbling emanated from the monster’s chest, as it uttered a long, prolonged snore
Maia’s jaw tightened and her eyes flitted over to her sister
Iris’ face had gone pale, and her hand had instinctively dropped to grab at the empty sheath on her belt
a prize taken by their employer
the twins locked eyes, and shared a moment of profound fear
wetting her suddenly very dry lips, Maia gestured back towards the trees and Iris nodded in silent agreement
the two stealthily retreated, keeping their footsteps light all the way back to their comrades
Oryk almost jumped when the twins materialised beside him, emerging from the darkness without warning
“well?” he hissed, his voice rising above the droning snores. “What did you find?”
Iris frantically gestured for the dwarf to quiet down, as Maia shot a terrified glance back in the direction of the oak tree
only when they heard the low droning of the monster’s snores did the pair relax enough to answer
“dragon”
the word held in the air like a curse
Cyrene’s eyes widened, and had it not been for the band on her wrist, she most certainly would have uttered a prayer
even Oryk’s permanently affixed scowl faded as the blood drained from his face
when he finally spoke, he did so with no semblance of his usual condescension
“...how big?”
“8 meters,” Iris answered. “No more than 12”
Oryk nodded, his brow knitting together as he dropped into a crouch
“a juvenile,” he thought aloud. “Hasn’t reached full adulthood. Scorch marks?”
“none that we could see”
“good. Then either it’s too young to breathe fire, or it spits poison”
his eyes narrowed to points as he mulled things over in his head
the group kept quiet, forced to listen to the distant, droning snores as their leader considered their options
after a long stretch of time, Oryk took a sharp inhale and straightened his posture
“it’s asleep?”
his eyes shifted to Maia, and the half elf tensed
“we think so but…”
“we don’t know for certain,” Iris quickly interrupted. “We’ve never encountered a dragon before. We should call off the mission and come back more prepared”
a deadly silence fell over the group as the dwarf went still
“call off the mission?” he repeated
his voice was calm, but the words held a distinct edge to them
like the blade of a meticulously sharpened knife
“and since when did you make the calls in this party?”
Maia shot her sister a look, and Iris lowered her eyes
“never,” she answered
“that’s right. Never,” Oryk reiterated, holding the half elf in his steely gaze. “We do things my way, as we always have”
Iris’ clamped her mouth shut and the dwarvish fighter turned to look at his other companions
“unless you have all forgotten what awaits us if we fail? What will happen if we come back empty handed?”
he was met with silence and a slow shake of Cyrene’s head
“failure isn’t an option,” he continued. “If the drakon is asleep, we need to act now”
his gaze shifted to Maia
“so can you do what I need you to?”
the half elf swallowed and tried to slow her racing heartbeat
“I think so,” she meekly answered
“good. The rest of us will wait in position. We’ll flank the tree from three sides and-”
“-I’ll do it,” Iris suddenly interjected
Oryk’s teeth flashed in a grimace before he turned to face her
“I’ll retrieve the objective,” Iris clarified, meeting the dwarf’s gaze
“Maia is quieter,” Oryk bluntly retorted. “She stands a better chance of getting to the tree than you do”
“but with my magic-”
“-your magic that we need for the escape,” he interrupted. “We have a plan, stick to it”
he turned back to the front and began drawing out a rough plan in the dirt with his sica
“-while Maia sneaks in, we hold here to provide support. Once we have what we came for, we leave back through the northern exit”
Iris’ eye twitched, and Maia reached out to drop a hand on her sister’s arm
“Iris-” she quietly started
but her warning went unheeded, and Iris spoke up again
“what’s the point of saving my magic if we don’t get what we came for?” she argued
Oryk spun with a stormy expression, pointing his blade to her chest
“because I said so!” he snapped. “And you will do what you’re told!”
he may have stood half a head shorter than Iris, but in that moment, Oryk felt like a giant, and in the silence of the trees, his voice sounded like a clap of thunder
Iris’ face paled and Oryk realised what he had done
instinctively, the party held their breath; anticipating a monstrous roar, or the crash of falling trees
but after a few tense seconds, all they heard was the rhythmic rumbling of distant snores
the group letting out a collective sigh of relief that cut through the tension like a knife
tension that returned the moment Oryk opened his mouth
“do you want to be sent across the Chronaean?” he hissed. “Do you want to leave your sister alone?”
Iris’ eyes shifted to Cyrene, searching for some glimmer of support
instead, the half orc looked away, leaving the half elf to face their leader alone
“of course I don’t,” Iris mumbled
“exactly,” Oryk spat. “Stay in line, do what you’re told, and keep your mouth shut”
he turned to Maia with an expression that encouraged absolute obedience
“get the objective, and get out. Nod if you understand”
Maia gave a slight jerk of her head
“good. Now get moving”
the dwarf stormed off into the trees, and Cyrene quickly shot up to follow him
Maia and Iris exchanged a look of resignation before joining their trusted comrades

Maia stood in position by the edge of the clearing, mentally projecting her path to and from the hollow
it was a simple job, really
dart across the open ground
jump up to the low branch on the left side
climb over to the main trunk
grab the objective
and do it all again
simple
if it weren’t for the dragon in the way
Maia's heart began to pound in her chest until she felt a hand fall gently across her arm
she turned, meeting Iris' concerned gaze
“you don’t have to do this,” her sister whispered; practically breathing the words into Maia’s ear
“yes I do,” Maia answered, keeping her voice just as quiet. “You heard Oryk. We can’t go back empty handed”
“f*ck Oryk,” Iris cursed. “We’re only here because of him”
in spite of herself, a grim smile lifted the corner of Maia’s lips
it was a rare thing to hear Iris curse
“we could run, you know. Make a break for the mainland”
Maia’s smile dropped in an instant
“Iris, no”
“why not?” Iris replied earnestly. “We can make it. I know we can”
“they’ll catch us. And even if they don’t, what then? We’ve got nowhere to hide. No friends to help us. We’d be on our own”
“we’ve been alone before. We survived, didn’t we?”
Iris’ words were hopeful, but they couldn’t hide the desperation beneath
when Maia didn’t seem convinced, Iris took her sister’s face into her hands
“please don’t do this. I can’t lose you”
Maia’s eyes softened, and she placed her hands atop Iris’
“that’s why I have to do this”
she took a deep breath and tried to put on a half convincing smile
“you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve got this. I promise”
Iris’ thumb traced the scar across her sister’s lip
“I’m older. It’s my job to worry about you”
a frown fell across Maia’s face
“older by 10 minutes”
“and I’ll never let you forget it”
Iris pulled her sister into a tight hug
“don’t you dare get yourself caught”
“when have I ever?”
the two reluctantly parted, and Iris held her sister at an arm’s length
“remember. Once you have it-”
“-run like the Hounds of Chaon are after me”
a smile touched Iris’ lips, and the shadows rose up to swallow her
when they parted, the monk was gone
inhaling a slow, shaky breath, Maia composed herself, and refocused on the tree
30ft to the centre
branch on the left side
over the dragon
down to the hollow
reverse and get out
she exhaled slowly, letting the shake fade from her breath
she had this
Maia broke from the tree line, moving in a swift but stealthy manner
every step carefully laid. Every movement intentional
the dragon’s snores rumbled like thunder, growing louder with each step
before she knew it, she was beneath the low branch
taking a quick stutter step to gain momentum, she threw herself upwards, catching the branch with both hands
thankfully, the branch held firm, and Maia swung her legs up and around it
shimmying along inch by inch, she drew closer to the trunk itself, inadvertently holding her breath as she passed over the sleeping body of the dragon
its breath reeked up close. Like spoiled fruit and vinegar
it took all her strength not to gag
before she knew it, she was at the trunk of the tree and at the next step of her plan
hoisting herself up to a crouched position, she flattened her body against the side of the trunk and began sliding her foot along its length
eventually, she found a suitable foothold and began clambering across to a more central position
the hollow was just beneath her now
and beneath that, the massive head of the dragon
this close, she realised just how easily such a creature could snap her up
with her small frame, she’d be gone in one or two bites
pushing such morbid thoughts out of her mind, she leaned down until her head and arm were low enough to reach inside the hollow
her lungs were beginning to burn from holding her breath for so long, but she dared not exhale
she wasn't sure how good a dragon's senses were, but she wasn't keen to find out either
reaching her arm into the hollow, her fingers touched loose leaves and knotted wood
she pushed a little deeper, searching for any sign of her prize
something cold
something metal
but instead, she felt the hard back of the hollow
frowning, she pressed again, but still felt only the rear of the hollow
had she somehow missed it?
her fingers scrambled around, but continued to feel only wood and leaves
her lungs were really burning now, and she could feel her face flushing with colour from being upside down
regardless, she removed her arm and leaned her head down further, trying to peer inside
in the black gloom of a moonless night, a human wouldn’t have been able to see a thing
but even with her enhanced elvish sight, Maia was granted only the slightest advantage
just enough to make out the shape of the interior and the contents within
dried leaves
knotted wood
a couple insect husks
and nothing else
sure she had somehow made a mistake, she looked again and again
but with each scan, the truth became undeniable
“you will not find what you seek, here”
the dryad’s words echoed in Maia’s head, and with a cold sense of dread, she realised that the spirit hadn’t been speaking rhetorically
the amulet wasn’t here
and with that realisation, Maia’s lungs could hold on no longer
her breath escaped all at once, her awkward position driving the air out in an undignified huff
she clamped a hand over her mouth, but the damage had been done
she had made a sound, however small, and already her breath was mixing with the cool air
time slowed to a crawl as the dragon’s snores came to a stop
she watched in terror as its head, mere inches below her, began to stir
its nostrils flared; drawing breath with a deep, rasping inhale, and its eyes rolled in their sockets
the dragon’s jaws cracked open, revealing a black, forked tongue and rows of fetid teeth
rancid breath assaulted Maia’s senses, making her stomach turn and her head spin
she waited for the creature to open its eyes
to see the tiny morsel dangling helplessly above it
but they never did
to her greatest relief, the dragon remained asleep and blissfully unaware of her presence
relief swiftly turned to dismay, however, as the dragon proceeded to shift; its scales rippling like water across its long, serpentine body
the tree shook violently as the monster scraped against its surface, shearing away bark and causing branches to groan and sway
wrapping her arms around whatever she could find, Maia clung desperately as the shaking threatened to throw her loose
after what felt like an eternity, the vibrations mercifully ended, and the dragon returned to its snoring
but even after the tree had long fallen still, Maia found herself unable move; as if every single muscle in her body had frozen solid
in a moment of clarity, she realised that her hand had found her dagger in the chaos, and that the weapon was now clutched in an iron grip at her side
she almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation
as if a dagger would keep her safe if the dragon had actually awoken
nonetheless, she kept it in her hand, unwilling to relinquish the one defence she had
lifting her gaze to scan the surrounding treeline, she spotted the pale faces of her companions waiting in position. Intently following her progress with their eyes
Iris looked just as high sprung as she was. All but ready to throw herself into the open in order to save her sister
Maia silently prayed that her twin could keep her composure for just a little longer
wetting her incredibly dry lips, the rogue began scaling the tree; taking care to avoid any of the small twigs and leaves that had been shaken loose by the dragon’s shifting
upon reaching her chosen branch she paused, taking a moment to slow her racing heart beat
in spite of everything telling her otherwise, she needed to calm down
stress would lead to mistakes
and mistakes would lead to her death
feeling her muscles relax ever so slightly, Maia continued, stretching her body out to reach the low branch
her feet found purchase, and the rogue began creeping along its length
a few more steps and she’d be home free
“Maia!”
a single word
muffled and distorted, and yet agonisingly loud
Maia’s eyes dropped to the bronze surface of her dagger and saw a young woman’s face staring back at her, their eyes grey and piercing
there was a flash of familiarity in the half elf’s mind, but in that moment, she could barely recall her own name
a million thoughts raced through her mind as her heart pounded like a drum in her ears
one thought, however, screamed louder than the rest
run
Maia’s feet moved before the thought had even finished forming, propelling her from the branch a split second before it detonated into an explosion of jagged splinters
she hit the ground hard, feeling something give in her shoulder
she didn’t have time to dwell on it, as an earth shattering roar tore the world asunder
her feet were under her in an instant, and she broke into a sprint, not daring to look behind her
she knew that if she turned, all she would see is a flash of green scales and a mouth full of fangs closing in to end her life
the air began to reek of rotten fruit and then a body collided with her, throwing her aside
a cloud of noxious fumes ripped through the space she had just occupied, causing grass to shrivel and trees to wither
she felt hands on her arms and shoulders, and then Iris was yelling at her, hauling her to her feet amidst pained racking coughs
they didn’t have time to stop, barrelling through the trees in a mad dash to get away
as furious roars filled the air behind them, Iris stumbled through the underbrush, her legs unsteady beneath her
Maia looped an arm under her shoulder, and now the twins were supporting each other in a tangle of limbs
minutes passed. Or maybe just seconds. And then the two broke from the tree line onto an open road
sea winds rushed up to meet them, and Iris' legs fully gave out as she began greedily sucking in gasps of fresh air
“come on!” Maia urged, trying to drag her sister to her feet
but Iris was of no use now, her eyes bulging and her face flushed with colour
something ripped its way out of the underbrush and Maia turned sharply, instinctively raising the dagger that was still clutched in a death grip
instead of the dragon she was expecting, she found Cyrene and her rhomphaia, halfway through a cut that would have cleaved her in two
recognising each other at the same time, the pair lowered their weapons and turned to the wheezing half elf at their feet
concern flashing across her face, Cyrene dropped to her knees in preparation to cast a spell
before she could begin, however, Oryk emerged from the grove, blood splattered across his hands
“we don’t have time for that. Get her up!”
he raced past them, leading the charge back towards the beach
with a grunt of exertion, Cyrene lifted Iris into her arms like a baby, shoving her rhomphaia into Maia's hands
keeping a wary eye on her sister, Maia followed the half orc as she began jogging after their leader
as they ran, Oryk settled into pace beside Maia, shooting her a questioning look between grunts of breath
“do you have it?”
the half elf's shoulders fell, and she quietly shook her head
“it wasn’t there”
Oryk’s face turned a dark shade of red, and a vein bulged in his head
“what do you mean it wasn’t there?!”
“the amulet is gone. We missed it”
a stream of vile curses flowed from Oryk’s lips, and Maia wisely chose to keep her eyes forward and mouth shut
they reached the beach in record time, and Cyrene carefully laid Iris down into their waiting boat
as Oryk and Maia began pushing the vessel into the rolling surf, the dwarf gave her a hateful glare
“hells spare you when they find out we failed”
“we...haven’t...failed...yet”
Oryk turned his ire on Iris, who lay curled across the edge of the boat trying her best to suck in what air she could
“we...know...where...its...going,” she continued between strained, wheezing breaths. “We...still...have...time...”
leaping into the boat with a splash of water, Oryk waited just long enough for his companions to get in before heaving away with the oars
“we’d better. For all our sakes”
he sliced through the water with powerful strokes, driving them into deeper and darker waters
Maia slunk down beside Iris, taking her sister’s hand into her own
Iris dropped her head onto Maia’s shoulder, and the twins watched as the shores of Kalikos drifted further and further away

First Post: https://www.reddit.com/CradledDnDStories/comments/x8zwpv/athos_1_a_new_world_of_opportunity/
Last Post: https://www.reddit.com/CradledDnDStories/comments/1b2taqi/athos_35_mirror_mirro
Next Post:

(17F) and my sister (21F) have gone through alot of bad times with our mother making it worse, I will give you a run down of what my mother is like, she is quite aggressive and no matter what you do to please my mother, whether you're being there for her when she's sad even though you're struggling too or doing whatever she tells you to do, she will call us disrespectful and rude. So the week before mothers day (Im still in school) I had some important exams and needed to study for them but I noticed my mum was okay so I continued doing my own things until she approached me on Friday and told me "You're disrespectful, call your sister and leave." ( my sister moved out and because of my mother) And she left me after that so i asked her whats wrong and it carried on all night, Saturday was fine but Sunday my mum forced me to go to church with her and I only went because its mothers day then i cleaned the house gave her flowers and chocolates, then my sister came over and gave my mum some chocolates and we left because i had a doctors appointment for personal reasons, so we did that and my mother threw a huge tantrum instead of politely for us to come back and told me off for wanting a check up? I obviously went home later and layed down because I was exhausted but my mum came into my room and said "Get off you a$$ and do the dishes, you don't live here for free" so without complaining or nothing i did the dishes like she wanted, then she started insulting me saying rude things to me l will not say here but I just agreed with everything she said and allowed her to insult me until she got angry that I didn't react and grabbed a mug and smashed it onto the floor so l went to leave because it scared me but she blocked me from leaving and told me "pick up the glass before you think of doing anything" so i did. Then when i was about to leave because i was scared she took my phone off me so i took my wallet and left and luckily for me my boyfriend (17M) was waiting for me and he called my sister for me and i left to hers to be safe. So AlTA for leaving? Any suggestions on what i should do?

I am [21F] and was raised in an Indian household. My parents are somewhat conservative/strict and interrogate everything I want to do. They are nice to me but they snap really quickly at me when I disagree with them.
For context, I went to a college outside of my hometown and I made a dumb plan of graduating early. I’m an electrical engineering major. I failed a couple classes because I rushed things and now at the summer of 2024 I have one class left (senior project II) which I can only take in the fall in-person. I live in a big city (don’t want to share my state’s name) and the class is located in another big city 200 miles away. This summer I am at my parents house not taking any classes.
I don’t want to be at my parents house at all, I want to be independent and live on my own. I love university because I love partying, hanging with friends, having sex with guys, wearing what I like, and living by my own schedule. At my parents house I have no friends and whenever I want to do something like even go out for a walk they won’t give me space.
I tried looking for internships outside of town but no luck. The only one I got was the remote internship which I worked for the last two years (summers). The last two summers were total hell. I was called a “fat bitch” for wanting to wear regular summer clothes and before that I was called dumb for refusing to hangout with a guy they wanted me to date. I had no friends those summers and every time I was around my parents (they pretty much wfh).
I don’t want to work the remote one because they will extend me a co-op and then full time and my parents will say the most logical thing for me to do financially is stay at their place. I am pretending like the remote job rejected me. I asked them if I can move to the town my class is offered in a month earlier but they said it’s an illogical move. My dad keeps nagging me to look online for remote positions and my mom keeps pushing me to talk to employers in town. All I want is to move out and not live with them. My dad even said that I want to move out because I have a boyfriend in the town my class is offered in. It’s nothing like that. All throughout high school I’ve been deprived of a normal American teen live. I finally lived it in college and now my life is gone again. My dad even said what’s wrong with being at home, we let you eat what you want as if eating is the only thing in my life.
I don’t have a car nor am I added on my parents insurance. I have a drivers license though and around 20k saved up. I’ll probably be stuck here for the rest of my life or at least for my youth. My entire 21 and 22 years are probably going to be at home rotting away. I’ll never meet men in the next five years. I’ll have no friends and no drama or anything interesting in my life. Sometimes I wonder if studying a hard degree was worth it. I feel like just ending everything. Even if i get a job out of town that’s in person my parents may not let me go. My mom is also fixated on me marrying an Indian man and she’s after the ones who don’t like me and have a no personality.

My mother passed away few months ago and since then me and my sis our life feels like a fuking war. My father behaviour has drastically changed. He's having multiple affairs. He doesn't understand us. Only thing he wants us to do is household chores while managing studies. I do it. Everyday I wake up at 5 and do my best to study while managing cooking food and cleaning but he or my grandparents never appreciats us. They keep taunting us and expect us to do everything properly, EVERYDAY EVERYDAY!! They argue with us, yell at us. When I asked them to look for a maid they said "2 beti hai aaram se kam kar sakti hain mil ke." Also they CAN AFFORD A MAID trying to convince me for second marriage. my father is not paying for my sister's educatio. Idk what has happened to him. How did he change so much. I need to earn money so that I can move to any other place with my sister. So that I can look for myself and my sis. I really want to get out of this toxic house. But I don't have any skills neither money to learn anything, I have to STUDY also. Is there anything I can do , work from home job? I can give 2 to 3 hours so that I can manager my studies and household chores also.

[Long post] We’ve benefited from this thread so much, even after traveling to Japan in the past, and often see the question “does this plan make sense/how much time do we need, etc?”that I hope our recent exact itinerary traveling with 13 yo twins and a 75 yo mother can answer some common questions about our return experience in Tokyo, Kyoto, and Nikko (which we adore).
Also, YES there was screen time. YES people were unpleasant due to jet lag. YES YES YES we adjusted plans and “missed out” on things. Flexibility is key! We never got to Senso-ji or did conveyor sushi because we ended up at a random temple flea market for over two hours finding our most prized souvenirs. Welcome serendipity - the unplanned boba store near Tokyo station remains one of my daughter’s favorite memories.
Onto our itinerary. We stayed in AirBnb’s, an onsen, and a hotel our last two nights in Tokyo.
Hope it’s helpful!
ARRIVE THURSDAY April 11th (2,747 steps) Arrive Haneda - train to Ueno Apartment (and wonderful cab driver who didn’t leave until we found out place) +Happy Mart snacks and house supplies +Dinner @ Kitchisen Handmade Soba
FRIDAY - SHINJUKU (25,885 steps) +365 Days Pastries +Yoyogi Park +Meiji Shrine +saratuhiko coffee +Souishi Menya - great ramen +Onigiri Manma - homemade onigiri +Uniqlo +TeamBorderless art exhibit in Ginza
SATURDAY (21,869 steps) +Tsukiji Market, sushi breakfast +Ueno Park for cherry blossoms +Daiso shopping +Yakitori Lunch - lunch under the train station. Two guys sitting next to us who translated on their phone “We hope you love Japan” BREAK +Artisan pop-up shop Akihabara +Gatchapan +Hakata Furyu Ramen
SUNDAY (18,280 steps) +Leave 8am +A Happy Pancake - 9am +Hanazono Flea Market - Temple market with all the vendors +Seikando Stationary store +Boba Tea +Yoyogi Park Frisbee & volleyball & greasers +Sultan Akihabara - Indian food takeaway
MONDAY (15,663 steps) +7/11 & Starbucks & French pastry breakfast +Train to Nikko +Toshugo Shrine Complex - Futarashan shrine, all temples +Shinkyo Bridge +Yuba Ryori Aburagan - lunch in Nikko +Traditional onsen + Keiseki (traditional, local, in-season) dinner
TUESDAY (19,546 steps) + Onsen volcano hot baths + Keiseki breakfast +Return to Tokyo via train, lunch and shopping in Tokyo Station, then +Nozomi Shinkansen Bullet Train to Kyoto +Check into AirBNB in the Gion district +Mosburger dinner
WEDNESDAY (23,107 steps) +Breakfast - Cicon bakery (In the Cicon hotel) Morning walk in the Gion +Kiyumizudera “pure water temple 780ad” (otowa no taki waterfall) wooden temple +Ninnenzaku Road - shopping +Hokon-ji pagoda tower +Ishebekoji road - old private road (no photography!) +Kenninji Temple - Oldest ZEN temple. 1639 screen. Zen “garden of the sound of the tide.” Creaking floors to hear the ninjas approaching Home to Recharge +Lunch - Omen Udon +Nishiki food market (Sarah/Nonna get tofu) +Teramachi-dori - famous street with clothing shops, sneakers at ATMOS +Pontocho - narrow authentic food alley along the river +Yasaka Shrine - temple with the lit up lanterns at night +Dinner - Ebisugawa Gyoza Nakajima - gyoza at the japanese style table +Gion for Geisha watching (4)
THURSDAY (13,266 steps) +Arashiyama Bamboo Forest +crepes +Goji Sanso Temple - moss temple +Seiryo-ji (incense tribute) +Ryoan-ji (incredible zen garden) Nozomi SHINKANSEN TO TOKYO Check-in &here hotel
FRIDAY (25,658 steps) +Disneyland +Ginza Shopping (Nike store/boba) Break at Hotel +Duck ramen at 麺屋上々 (Menya Joujou) +Chinese restaurant for tea
SATURDAY (7,751 steps) +Tsukiji Market sushi breakfast +Walk to Ueno park + Duck Boats Haneda Airport…. See you next time!

This is a followup very much related to my last post https://www.reddit.com/clusterheads/comments/1cgie0n/rant_session_familyfriends_who_will_never_get_it/
I have been in a cycle ever since that day where I’ve been consistently getting clusters every 2-3 hours at night. Sleep —> cluster —oxygen —> sleep repeat. Needless to say, I’m exhausted both mentally and physically. They wake me up at night so I’m tired throughout the day but a nap is a sure way to start one a few hours later.
Anyways, mother’s day comes along. My grandmother had a dinner reservation for my mom and I to celebrate. On the car ride there it was particularly hot and the sun was blaring. The car had been in a parking lot in the sun for quite a while so it was very hot on the inside. I’ve come to learn one of my triggers is strong heat and a cluster begins in the car. I can be quite good at masking my physical pain (I’m not the type to be verbal n stuff) but it was pretty obvious I was uncomfortable. I was hoping it would just be a shadow or my paranoia getting the better of me because it’s rarer for me to get them mid day but it wasn’t.
By the time we had sat down in the restaurant it was starting to hit its peak and I just couldn’t bear it anymore, so I profusely apologized and said I really needed to call an uber home to use my tank (we live like 10 min away).
My mom and grandmother were extremely upset when they came home and started going on a rant about how it’s my fault that I can’t manage my headaches. My mom is probably one of the only person who has some kind of knowledge about cluster headaches so I was surprised she was spearheading this argument since, at this point, she should certainly know better about the causes and treatments (I’ve had them since I was 15-16 was properly diagnosed 2 years ago at 20, I am now 22).
Essentially they blamed me and my habits and said I am at fault for starting my headaches. They were saying I bring them on upon myself because I have a poor sleep schedule (not entirely untrue depending on how you see it, I regularly sleep around consistently 2-3 am every day regardless of clusters but get 5-8 hours of sleep depending on school/part time job), and because of my eating habits (we eat the same food together that is never particularly unhealthy lol?). I am by no means a health master but I wouldn’t put myself on the opposite end of the spectrum either (I exercise regularly), not to mention I have never smoked a day in my life and almost never drink, which I know are some significant markers or triggers for cluster headache sufferers.
It was a very frustrating (and pointless/misinformed) fight where I asked them if they genuinely think my clusters will suddenly disappear into thin air if I start going to bed at 10 pm and only eat vegetables. In this particular situation, I didn’t ask for any help, I took responsibility for myself and managed to resolve it on my own (as I always do anyhow) so I felt what they were demanding was simply unfair and completely unrealistic. They told me it was my fault I had to leave because I’ve been using oxygen “as a crutch.”
Girl a fucking crutch? What do you mean a crutch? That is quite literally my PRESCRIBED MEDICATION. I don’t have anything else. It is the most effective remedy that doesn’t cause you to be impaired for the rest of the day. I was absolutely livid.
Everything ends in a crying/screaming match. I am to blame for “ruining mother’s day” over a medical condition I certainly did not ask for, try to bring upon, or can fully control.
Today, I could hear my mom talking about it on the phone again withy grandmother. I am just so tired of these stupid fucking headaches and never being taken seriously.
Today was my off day, so when I go to sleep tonight I can expect to wake up with one. How exciting.

Hey everyone,
I wanted to share a bit about my journey into interracial dating, and I want to preface it by saying that there's no hostility here, just a genuine desire to connect and understand each other's worlds.
This romance I made a move to a Latin territory transferring for work.
Fate seemed to have a plan as our paths crossed quite literally - with a coffee spill and a shared moment of cleaning up the mess. It led to a conversation sparked by the books I was reading about Simon Bolivar and the history of Venezuela, which had helped improve my spanish. That same day, we decided to talk over lunch spontaneously. (I'm not one to turn down a chance encounter). From there, came more dates, then a kiss on the beachside front, and us making things official.
However, like any relationship, we've encountered our share of challenges. It's not that we're fighting, but rather navigating the complexities of blending our two worlds. Her family, in particular, has been a significant aspect of this journey. They're extremely close-knit, and I've never experienced anything quite like it. My family life was quite volatile.
Because of this, I've kept a small distance from others except my three closest friends back home.
Recently, her mother expressed concern to me about my guarded nature when we had a chance to talk one on one during small walk in the park, particularly regarding topics like past relationships or my childhood.
I should also mention, after last breakup in the states, I hadn't had a girlfriend in some years due to the sting of it, and I became even more careful about who I open up to and what I share.
That said, I'd love to hear from all of you. Have you experienced similar challenges or triumphs in interracial relationships? How did you navigate cultural differences and family dynamics? Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated!
Overall, our relationship has been incredibly rewarding, challenging me to step out of my comfort zone and embrace vulnerability in ways I never imagined. It's a journey of growth, understanding, and love, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Please tell me you're point of view. I'll be as engaging as I can.

Hello everyone 👋
I'd be grateful for some advice. I'm a 27f who's strongly considering moving 1 state over to be with my 33yr boyfriend, but I've never moved before and I'm terrified.
He and I have been dating for the better part of 2 years. We're both from California but he moved to Oregon about 8 months ago. He's asked me to move with him since he left.
I still, and have always lived with my family since it's so expensive in California. Its the house I grew up in and I've never had a real reason to leave home. I have a good relationship with my parents and was always encouraged to stay. Though now, I feel like I've hit a plateau in some of my personal development. There's nothing really wrong with my life here at home. I live in a great location, my rent is affordable considering the area, I have a reliable job in the service industry, I'm liked by my coworkers and customers, I have wonderful friends, and of course my family who I'm close to.
But since I graduated college 2yrs ago and my parents splitting up during that time; I've been struggling a little to truly feel content and happy like I once did. I'm easily stressed, I find myself irritable, impatient, and feeling bad about myself more often. I don't feel terrible everyday though, so I'm worried I'm being dramatic.
My boyfriend is fiercely independent and a quick to decisions. He really stuggles with depression and he was working a corporate job and paying high rent for a small apartment. He seemed wildly unhappy, so when he unexpectedly inherited some money from family he quickly bought a house. He seems much happier now and more excited about life.
Before he left he expressed regret about leaving me behind but we weren't really in a place in where it made sense to move with him. Additionally I was, and still am afraid of the unknown. Being away from everything and everyone I've ever known gives me anxiety. (though everything gives me anxiety)
Our relationship hasn't always been perfect but nothing bad. We're oppposties in many ways and we've had some miscommunications and have had to establish boundaries. Like any relationship we will continuously work through these things. This has been expressed and agreed upon. Though I do slightly worry about his depression and mental state in general and how that will effect things over time (I guess we'd just have to see) been able to work through it so far.
I think we've supported each other's emotional and personal growth over these years. He seems committed to wanting to make things work with me more than ever. We do love each other. We've seen one another every month and gone on either long or short trips since he's left. I've visited the place where he's moved and it's cute and fun but a bit of a smaller town than what I'm used to. He already has friends in Oregon some new and some old, he's integrated me into the group. His friends think I should move up. But of course when I talk about it with people in my life it's like 50/50 people hate the idea or love it. Obviously the idea of moving for a partner is controversial.
It would be a 180 change for me and I'm very stressed about making it; but I could see the benefits for him, me, and us together. If it goes wrong I could always come home right?
I'd be an 8hr drive away from home 1hr flight. I would be worried about leaving my family since I believe the do rely on me slightly (financially and emotionally). I also wouldn't be excited to leave my job since I feel like they count on me. I'd be sad to let others down. Plus I like it, but at the end of the day it's a bar. I'd miss my friends and family a lot But I'm confident I could establish a new group in time.
At its worst the decision seems very grey and it could be awful - if it fails or I stay home and we eventually break up. But at its best it could be a possibility for needed change, independence, and an opportunity to further my personal development as well as grow into a serious relationship. I wish I was better at this 😞
TL;DR Should I continue building on an established life in my hometown? Or should I take the opportunity to move and start a new life elsewhere for the first time? Potentially very risky but possibly great.

Today when I got up in the morning, I felt a childlike inner peace for the first time in months and then, as I got back to reality, (I stay in a joint family in Asia) I realised how anxious I was and how the anxiety was setting in. This is within 5 minutes of starting the day. The last 3-4 days I have been a mess. Depressed, barely can get out of bed. Barely doing anything other than sitting in a chair and thinking about nothing. Idk what's wrong with my life but just that, I don't feel alive anymore.
I always had a restless mind but not to this extent. I am not clinically depressed yet. Just dissatisfied with my life and I can't seem to find an escape
So, does anyone go through this where they are trying to find that childhood peace where they used to be mindful and be free, be at peace?
I want to try something which would lead me to this path. My family is a mess. I can't get away from them but I constantly feel uneasy with them - everyone of them including my mother, my MiL and even my husband. I need to get out of this and just be comfortable in my own skin, ignoring these people but they keep getting dissatisfied with each other which gives me major anxiety as it strains my relationship with my husband which might lead to separation and that's a hussle I am not ready for yet. Also, I am pregnant.
Please share your wisdom to help me with meditation. I don't need advice regarding therapy or medication. I am already looking into those areas.

Destination Covered New Delhi – Agra – Jaipur – Goa

TOUR ITINERARY DETAILS

Day 01: Arrive New Delhi

On arrival Incredible Tour To India representative shall meet you at the airport to welcome you and transfer you to hotel. Overnight at the hotel.

Day 02: Delhi

Enjoy full day city tour covering Laxmi Narayan Temple – The Place of Gods, India Gate – The memorial of martyrs, Parliament House – The Government Headquarters, Jama Masjid – The largest mosque in Asia, Red Fort – The red stone magic, Gandhi memorial – The memoir of father of the nation beside these some other places to visit are – Qutub Minar Complex and Humayun’s Tomb. Overnight at the hotel.

Day 03: Delhi to Agra

Today we shall drive you to Agra. Agra is 205 kilometers away from Delhi and take 5 hours drive to reach. Arrive in Agra and check in into hotel. Later, we shall take you for a city tour covering -Taj Mahal – a poem written in white marble, the most extravagant monument ever built for love, Red Fort – a visit to the fort in ‘Agra’ is a must since so many of the events which lead to the construction of the Taj took place here, Itmad-ud-Daula’s Tomb – The tomb is of particular interest since many of its design elephants overshadow the Taj. Overnight at the hotel.

Day 04: Agra to Jaipur

Early morning, drive to Jaipur. The city is 235 kilometers away from Agra and take 5 hours drive to reach. En route visit Fatehpur Sikri (Old Deserted town of Mughal Dynasty) and its monuments which include Jama Masjid, The Buland Darwaza, Palace of Jodha Bai, Birbal Bhawan & Panch Mahal. Arrive in Jaipur and check into the hotel. Later relax in the hotel. Overnight at the hotel.

Day 05: Jaipur

Today morning we shall take you for a tour to Amer Fort. Take joy ride on Elephant (presently Elephant Ride closed at Amber Fort for the time being). Afternoon enjoy city tour covering City Palace – occupies a large area divided into a series of courtyards, gardens & buildings and a perfect blend of Rajasthani & Mughal architecture, Royal Observatory – An observatory with some rare qualities to its credit, Nawab Sahab Ki Haveli, and the Bazaar etc. Overnight at the hotel.

Day 06: Jaipur to Goa

In the morning, you’ll be transferred to airport to board connecting flight for Goa. On arrival in Goa met our representative and get transferred to your Hotel. Rest of the day is at leisure. Overnight at the hotel.

Day 07: Goa

In the morning, enjoy half day sightseeing tour of Old Goa. Evening is at leisure. Overnight at the hotel.

Day 08: Goa

Full day relax by the poolside/Beach. Overnight stay.

Day 09: Goa Departure

Morning is at leisure. In the evening, you’ll be transferred to the airport to board connecting flight for your onward destination.

This weekend was my daughter's 13th birthday and Mother's Day weekend. My love did everything he could to make sure we had a wonderful time!
He volunteered to spend the whole weekend with my (high maintenance) dog, and also bought really thoughtful gifts for the occasion (for my daughter, for me and even for the dog!)
He is not my child's biological father, nor a "substitute father" as her father is in her life... but he has taken the role of being another important, caring person without imposing too much authority. She sees him as a really kind, fun guy who takes good care of her mom.
When put in a similar role, an ex cheated on me. I asked him to babysit so I could do some volunteer work. His reasoning was that I had boxed him into a role he never asked for, and in cheating with a mutual friend, was "breaking free"from that. That sort of betrayal cuts deep in two ways: 1) It leads you to believe that asking for help is something the backfires and 2) it weighs on your ability to trust it when someone does something selfless and kind for your happiness.
That said, the fact that I am now with someone who is capable of putting my happiness before his own on special occasions is so healing, freeing and feels so damn good. I keep telling him how grateful and appreciative I am.
I want to do something equally as lovely for him, so if anyone has any ideas, feel free to share them!

Im just starting a new job bs and have no tires on my car so it’s currently not drivable and to top it all off, I’m facing eviction. My mother just passed away and I was the only child and the one responsible for paying funeral costs and everything. Help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

So little backstory and apologies in advance, english is not my first language. 2 yrs ago I (26F) was back in my country with my partner (British 36M) and we got pregnant so we decided to go back in Scotland as there’s so much more help for new parents. The day we landed something unexpected happened and my partner got arrested at the airport, living me 4 months pregnant completely alone. I put myself together, go back to my old job for the chance to have maternity leave, but the owner of the place I was working stole 5k from me, stole my maternity leave and then closed the business passing it to her granddaughter (in this way she wouldn’t be persecuted for all the money that she stole), in the meantime I have pre-settled status so I wasn’t able to ask for any benefits and was left with absolutely nothing. My friend F55 that was working with me open her house to me and my daughter and let us stay till I was able to have my settled status and access benefits. I was doing whatever I could to help around the house, painting the rooms, deep cleaning the carpets etc. still never enough to repay that act of selfless kindness and I’ll always be in debt with her and her husband. Now, my friend has a daughter 30F that also worked with me, we were pals at the start but after moving in with them I just couldn’t bring myself to be friendly with her anymore. She’s a pathological liar, brought a drug dealer to the house looking for money, lied that her dad was in the hospital so to get out of work, takes benefits to just sleep all day and get mad with it at night, stole her dad car during nights so that she could go and sell gear. I know addiction is an illness but she refuses to see what is she doing wrong and her parents are “okay” with it, she’s been like this her whole life and there’s nothing they can do anymore. Still, is not of my business what they do with her, their daughter their lives. Still I own that family my life, but recently the daughter text me and want to be “pals” again (now I get benefits so she’s gonna be looking for money) but I don’t want her in my and my 10 months old daughter. AITA if I refuse to have any relationship with her even tho her parents saved me? I’ll be forever grateful and I would do anything for them, but I want her as far as possible from my little girl.

If you criticize my idea I will take it personally.
I will not recognize or accept your contribution as simple disagreement of opinion, it's obviously personal and your attempts to separate that are clearly hate speech.
You say that by understanding and accepting criticism I will grow as an artist/creative, but how can that be if that makes me think different and uncomfortable thoughts? If it makes me feel bad on any level, it must be bad. What choice do I have but to deflect that discomfort and move goal posts?
Besides I never wanted your feedback anyway, just a pat on the back and to be told how special I am by someone besides my mom, and I figured reddit and social media in general, of all places, would be the best place to get my ego fed, which is a totally realistic expectation. I don't understand why you didn't just do that, clearly asking for feedback is code for ego stroking and the fact that you don't get that is really a problem about you.
You just don't understand because you're a hater. Hatin' me because you ain't me, it just shows how incredibly right I was about my idea all along. Othering you in this way is definitely not a defense mechanism I need therapy for.
I just hope one day you will see the true brilliance of everything that I am, because people should pay me based on my idea of myself, not my execution. I would know because I'm above reproach, and no I don't need to learn better about that. Beside I'm already an expert as I've been doing this for a whole month now, what could you possibly know that I don't?
For clarity, this is parody. That said, how do you answer this person and maintain your sanity, or is it best just to walk away and ignore the dumpster fire in your opinion? This isn't one specific person, so if you think it's directed at you that's telling. It's an amalgamation of all the bad response behaviors that have made my head explode I've come to encounter laid out as an argument.

Hello.
Before I get into my story, I have one question for you: Is there any chance for redemption for the hell and hurt you’ve caused in this life?
I am 23 years old. I’ve had horrible suicidal depression my whole life. I have been addicted to fentanyl since 15. A little under two years ago, I had 3 wrecks in a year nodding off behind the wheel. Thankfully, I didn’t injure anyone physically, but I totaled both vehicles in all 3 incidents.
The first one involved a single mother and her barely kindergarten aged child. I can’t get the picture of the fear in that baby’s eyes out of my head. I could have killed them both, and that should have been bad enough to stop me from using while driving but i did it again and again. Enough to have two more wrecks and cause even more financial and emotional burdens on everyone involved.
My parents have done everything they can do for me. They’ve sent me to rehabs, supported me every step of the way, bought me vehicle after vehicle even after the wrecks.
My mom had fucking CANCER during this time and I stole money from them to get a fix. WHILE SHE WAS FUCKING DYING.
I feel like I don’t even deserve to be alive. Is there any chance for redemption at this point? Or should I just give up now and squash any chance of causing any future pain for other innocent people?
I can’t live with myself, I can barely leave home, I can barely function.
I just want to find these people I wrecked into and beg for their forgiveness. Even if the situation is long over with and everything is settled, the guilt still remains and it makes me want to destroy myself.
Thankfully I had insurance and they all got new vehicles but that doesn’t make anything better. It doesn’t take away the fear and pain and financial hardship I caused these innocent people.
How do I learn to live with myself again?
Is there any hope of redemption?
Do I deserve to even live at this point?

Apologizes for the long post, some important details to explain in the beginning to help better set the stage to explain things.. So my fiancé and I got engaged back in 2021 after dating for 10 years, being high school sweethearts & moving down south together to start a new life together where it’s more affordable. We’ve always managed to do ok for ourselves & are completely self sufficient. With that said our jobs pay well but we still struggle sometimes.. which is part of the reason why we haven’t tied the knot just yet.
We originally set our date to fall of 2023 back in spring of 2022.. proposed to our bridesmaids and groomsmen, mailed out save the dates, etc. In early spring of 2023, my fiancé ended up getting hurt at work which required surgery on his shoulder.. with the timing of everything this would mean he’d still be in a sling at the wedding.. we made the hard decision to postpone our big day to next fall of 2024 so we could both properly enjoy our big day and sent out new save the dates immediately. (This gave all our guests little over a years notice of the switch)
Jumping to the whole point of this now, December 2023 comes around and my best friend of 18 years gets engaged to her now fiancé whom she started dating right after I moved & barely know aside from the stories she tells me yet I’m OVER the moon for her ! (How exciting I am to have someone to go thru this wedding stuff with who can related !?) She is so excited and starts planning immediately & they tour venues the following week. They toured 2 venues & instantly loved 1 of them and immediately put down a deposit. She tells me right after and sends me pics & it’s this gorgeous venue that is also right on the wateocean. I am so shocked they lucked out so fast and ask when’s the wedding ?! She told me the date LITERALLY 3 weeks before my wedding…
At this point I’m speechless.. I immediately while in a state of shock congratulate her.. I’m so happy for you...
I told this to my fiancé who’s known my BFF just as long as me as we all grew up & went to the same school & he was FURIOUS & hurt.. he said it was selfish & that she basically f’d me over by getting married literally 1 month prior to us. He now wants nothing to do with her and refuses to speak to her again or attend their wedding period due to the disrespect of it all. I’m not a confrontational person & was so hurt by all this.. but knew I had to address it with her.. I waited a week or 2 then explained how hurt both me and my fiancé are & how difficult of a situation this puts us in (given she’s my BFF & knew how sad I was to have had to postpone the year prior) & how it hurt that they could consider his brothers feelings and his big day but not mine ?
(FYI she’s an only child if it means anything & we were so close my parents call her their daughter & I refer to her as my sister… she also told me I’d be her maid of honor whenever she’d get married bc of how close we are.. she was at least smart enough to not throw that on my plate thankfully.. however not to sound arrogant but if our dates weren’t on top of each other I’m POSITIVE she would’ve asked me)
Shel went into “defense” mode and instantly began stating why they chose the date..
1) her fiancés little brother is getting married in 2025 & so he refuses to get married the same year as it’s “not fair to steal his spotlight” if I remember correctly
2) it’s their dream venue
3) the only available dates left for 2024 was that last week of summer or November 2024.. she stated that bc her venue is on the water, she couldn’t do November bc of her elderly grandmother and how she could get sick (which is understandable)
4) they want to start having kids like now so they are in a rush to get married asap
Now this left me in such a weird feeling of confusion, hurt & sadness.. she already agreed to be my bridesmaid 2 yrs ago, our other mutual best friend who is a single mom as her child’s father passed was now asked to also be her bridesmaid too.. we have a TON of mutual friends & guests & with me moving down south 5 yrs ago & having the wedding down here.. my wedding is kinda considered a “destination” wedding as majority of our guests are traveling to our state.
She then tried to smooth it over by saying how she never meant to make me feel that way & then blamed her fiancé bc HE wanted that date & “didn’t give her any other option”… By her blaming it also makes me want to believe her bc he has always been very controlling of her.. constantly makes comments about her weight & says she’s getting fat, calls her 3x a day to see if she went to the gym, gets mad if she ever plays Xbox w me once in a blue moon bc that makes her “lazy” (mind you she’s an LPN and works 12 hour shifts smtns and is ALWAYS on her feet, she never wants to do nothing period- she has gastro issues that cause bloating & HE KNOWS THIS). He always tells her she’s not allowed to cut her hair prior to the wedding bc HE wants it long.. and it’s not like he asks or says it nicely either.. (bottom line, me and the rest of her bridesmaids strongly dislike him for all this and several other reasons which we’ve told her for years but are trying to be supportive bc in the end it’s her life/decisions )
Fast forward a little more, right after I tell her this & she gives me that story.. I tell her I need some time to heal, get over it, etc.. but that I love her bc she’s like a sister to me and I can’t imagine missing her big day or not being apart of it…
About a week or 2 after this, her MOH starts a chat and surprisingly has her bridal shower & Bach dates picked out already.. leaving me with not many options of when to do mine as mine will also be up North since none of my family is down south.. this makes my fiancé even more mad bc now he’s saying how I have to plan around her & this adds to why he was initially pissed bc it takes my spotlight away that I’ve patiently waited for.. so her Bach is May 2024 & shower is June 2024.. wedding last day of August 2024.. I decline her bach bc I can’t afford/take more time off work to travel.. and said I’d aim for shower if I can and yes to her wedding..
my Bach & Shower are now in July 2024.. back for back weekends so I’m up there for a week and a half for both.. (I had no idea how else to make it work at this point so just decided to do it all together.. )
She just had her Bach this past weekend and apparently she fought and said mean things to ALL of her bridesmaids and they are all pissed at her and 1 even dropped out of her wedding all together because of it.. our mutual BFF went and called me in tears when she got home bc of how selfish she was acting apparently & basically told them all that “this weekend was all about her and it’s not like any of them are getting married anytime soon or have anything excited going on in their lives so they need to get their shit together” (this was the 1st night on a Friday after everyone worked an 8+ hour day then drove 4-5 hours to the Airbnb). They dropped so much $ on this trip for her and she got into a verbal altercation with each of the 7 of them about how they weren’t doing enough to “party” and have fun with her the moment they got there.. this same argument continues the next day/night apparently to the point NOBODY wanted to be near her as they felt they’d be her next target. Come morning, everyone packed their stuff & ran home upset that the whole weekend they planned was nothing but arguments and ruined..
After hearing this & the comments she made, it really sent my thoughts racing.. how can she be so selfish to these girls whom I watched and helped from afar plan this whole trip for her? I’ve only been “gone” for 5 yrs and visited at least 1-2x a year since & constantly kept in touch everyday but I don’t recognize this person who’s supposed to be my BFF anymore..
To sum up this whole thing now.. I’m torn.. should I have ever bothered letting my initial hurt of the whole month before our wedding situation go in the first place when I forgave her? My Father, FIL & SIL are just as pissed as my fiancé is and don’t understand how I could just be okay with it all but commended me on being the bigger person to save my 18+ yr friendship bc they couldn’t.. Should I just back out of shower too and or her wedding entirely to save myself the extra stress ? I also have my Bach & Shower in July & her still one of my bridesmaids on top of all this to which some of my other bridesmaids are also mad at her for the situation & also agree w my fiancé who messed up it is… 🤦🏻‍♀️ SOS & please be kind to me if you can.. I’ve been so emotionally all over the place bc of this 🙏🏻🫶🏻

Noticed a lot of people struggling to get call backs or responses on Indeed. I started my search at the start of May and have gotten interviews at warehouses, hotels, and even the Royal Caribbean, I applied kinda jokingly. My experience is ranching in middle and HS, running a warehouse in the summers in HS as well, 3 years of lifeguarding with one being the head pool supervisor. 9 months as the houseman at a Hilton hotel, the step above housekeeper. I've gotten interviews for over half my applied jobs, and the most brought up thing is my ranching experience. Fencing, working; cattle, goats, sheep, longhorn, zebras!!, several deer species, and more, heavy equipment operation, direction skills, and long hot days in the sun are the main take aways from that. I was the HS kid every old head had to come fix their computer, leaky pipe, help cover their 6 million pounds of silage, dredge their sheep etc. Granted my town had 1800 people and my graduating class was 36. I have since moved to college and live in a city with ~250000 people. My references are those exact old heads who likely answer, if jobs even call references still, with, "Who Aidan? oh that hard working sum bitch was the smartest kid I ever knew! Watcha wanna know?" Kinda sidetracked but felt it was relevant. All in all. "Put what sticks out" seems kind of redundant to say, but what I've experienced in interviews in that they are most interested in someone who has had a steady job history, does what the 'average' person doesn't, and a history is mentally/physically intensive jobs, at the entry level anyway. Where you can get that experience? I am willing to bet serious money a farmer outside your town/city would pay you extremely well to ride his side-by-side around his fields picking up rocks and sticks. They understand simply being out in the Sun is one of the most physically taxing things you can do, especially at their older age. I did this my first semesters of college for 20/hour doing 20 hours a weekend. That's just a specific example, but things always need to be done at these types of places and generally, as long as you do what you're told and supposed to do, you're left to yourself and can work at your own pace whenever. Finding 'contract' labor like this is the key to sticking out in this swamped jobs market. If you don't want to hang around small farming towns looking for work, they are all in Facebook groups just find someone looking for help or that looks busy and ask if they need help with anything around the place. "I am not familiar with this type of work but I can be taught anything and am willing to put in the work to learn" is all it takes almost anywhere to be given a chance at least.

Hello! I am a 19 year old fighter and I have been doing Muay Thai for about 7 months now and have just recently started really sparring. For background, I did Taekwondo for 2-3 years and Karate for about 6 months? When I was younger.
I am very quick and agile and I move around A LOT when sparring; kind of to the point where I do unnecessary movements that tire me out.
Now, having such a background in Taekwondo made me a really jumpy and agile fighter. I try to calm down when throwing exchanges in Muay Thai but I am still way to jumpy for my own good.
How could I calm down and start fighting with rhythm and explosiveness rather than constantly being jumpy?
Please let me know tips, thank y'all!
Edit: For additional context, I am a tall fighter who utilizes long guard often, as well as throwing single punches/kicks or a combo then basically running away lol

I will never blame anyone else for my offense but myself, I chose to go against my morals and beliefs and contribute to the trauma and abuse of others, I genuinely do not think I deserve forgiveness. All the horrible things that have happened to me as a result have been earned. That being said my parents and brother don't deserve the he'll I've put them through and I am greatful they still are even here for me. I don't know if I can ever really pay them back for the damage I've caused, I guess that's one thing that's been motivating me to keep going, is just paying back those who have stood by me through out this. I believe I am a horrible person and I've tried to change that thought again and again to no avail. There's many days where I've prayed to god even though I'm not religious, to just make me disappear, keep me from ever existingotr just reset my life. I don't know who I am, I don't understand why I did what I did even after reflecting on it in therapy and somb. I feel like it would have been better if the police just shot me when they raided my place. I've always been a failure and a anxious mess, I had very little friends through out life and never even dated and I'm in my mid 20s. I let opportunities pass me by over and over again. Even being in sports and after school activities I never felt connected to anyone, I always felt on edge and paranoid and I didn't understand why. Those feeling led to me to coping with porn and using it excessively and isolating by playing video games as well. I had one best friend in my life and I've since moved away from where I used to live. I see no light at the end of the tunnel and I feel like a dead man walking, like I shouldn't be alive, just a disgusting irredeemable being who is forcing himself to keep going. I cannot fix myself I have no clue what to do anymore and I just want to curl up in ball and rot away.