I know there are tons of questions about this on here, but I feel like my situation is especially a bit unique from what I’ve seen. Firstly, I’m a high anxiety person so I feel like that adds some context to our background/problem: almost 3 months ago i found my kitten at estimated 6 months old, right around my resident cat’s estimated 5th birthday. (Both of them actually adopted me by showing up on my porch and greeting me <3). I immediately took in the kitten who was covered in wounds from scratching fleas and put her in my bathroom to separate her from my resident cat. For further context, my resident cat has always been indoooutdoor (she will whine, claw at the door, and atrempt anyway to get out of the house if i try to keep her in when she wants to go out, so I assure you it’s not my choice). Resident cat usually spends the day outside and night inside lately. She has also gotten into many fights with strays/ferals in the neighborhood and I believe is very territorial. She found my kitten outside first and hissed at her, i was able to sneak the kitten (Moon) inside and Moon hissed at Kitty (resident) as I brought her in. 3 months later they still haven’t been formally introduced. Moon stays in the bathroom at night and my room during the day. Kitty stays in my living room with me when she wants to be inside during the day, and cuddles with me at night. Moon has not been spayed yet for financial reasons (Kitty is anemic so I’ve spent over $1k on vet bills for that and Moon’s first few appointments and vaccinations since January while living off of my savings and paycheck to paycheck. I’m waiting to hear back about potential free spay in my city). Today there was horrible thunderstorms so I forced kitty to stay inside. she initially refused until i was able to sneak Moon into my living room via her carrier and let kitty have my room with the door closed (starting to realize her new routine is to not like being inside unless she can have my room). Well.. they really noticed each other today. I had hope so I fed kitty treats under the door while i was next to moon also giving her treats. moon didnt eat the treats, kitty eagerly pawed under the door for more, moon saw her paw and began hissing and growling? at her. i tried to move her from the door and calm her down but for the rest of the day moon pawed and hissed at the door, especially when she heard kitty’s collar. This is probably the most movement I’ve made in 3 months. I think kitty has become slightly desensitized to moon (though she will freak out and try to fight her through the window when she manages to notice her) since she can tolerate seeing Moon’s paw under the door without hissing usually now, as well as not hissing when she hears her incessant meowing when she’s in heat. It seems like Moon barely really noticed kitty today though.
TL;DR: I’ve kept my cats separated for 3 months, both seem territorial, and one is indoor-outdoor. How do I go about introducing them now to keep forward movement, but prevent too much animosity?? and is it a bad idea to physically pick up and move my kitten away from the door when she’s growling and hissing as ive been doing?

Hi, I'm the founder of an EdTech platform. It started off as a question generator, but now I'm planning to upgrade it into a full-on AI-powered suite (AI Tutoring, progress tracking, etc). I launched an MVP on Social Media (Facebook and Threads, organically) and it blew up: 100 new registrations and active users in the first 24 hours. Immediately after that, there have been 4 more people who decided to buy the cheapest option. Some even messaged me as for how the app has been something they'd been looking for. A week later, there's even one person who decided to sign up for the premium package which is the AI-powered suite (since we haven't finished developing the package, I redirected the users to an email waitlist for notification once they pressed purchase.) I believed our product was on its right track to achieve PMF.
However, after 2 weeks, when the hype evens out, I stoped getting significant signals: 2 weeks later and my app got 70-ish more sign ups, DAU drops down to about 5 to 10. I think it is because some users just want to try out new questions on our app but it is not enticing enough for users to have it in the long run. I have recruited two more developers to help out on adding more features, and we agreed to share the profit of the first two months after the next big campaign (mid June).
My question is:

• Should I be woried of the stats after the hype?
• What should I do to promote / increase the conversion of our EdTech platform?
• What are the options for me to scale the project, given its current state and that I haven't establish any kind of company yet?

Thank you for your time, I really appreciate your help.

Like the tittle say, my better cr is finna follow my life. Expect few things is changing. I’ll be more active and doing some sports I’ve been wanting to do everything. Hanging out with friends and more. All of my middle school teachers will be the same. My friends are the same as well. My parents are different people expect I have no siblings. I know I said this many times. I’ll be living my childhood home Ik the whole layout of my childhood home. I act the same way I act in school & in classes. I can’t wait to go back 2012 and have fun. I will bonding close with my parents especially my dr mom. Both my parents will be married in my dr. I fixed up my slowly I’m so excited to shift there. I’ll be having the same class there like I did there. I’m in some clubs in middle school. My middle school was kinda fun. Especially like spirit week or whatever. I loved my teachers I had in my middle school. Once I shift it’ll be couple days before the first day of school. Then I got my first phone before middle school. Also be meeting my first best friend in my middle school. But we didn’t start getting long wanna say first few week of school. Then the next day we got long. It happen in my cr but somehow we got super close. I can’t wait go back 2012 because I can see all of my friends. Almost every night I think about my better cr. If you want know about my dr let me know I’m down talk to anyone about my better cr.

The show in question is Ramy, a comedy/drama on Hulu. For some context, the show is mostly about a Muslim family, and the character in question is Uncle Naseem, an outwardly hyper-masculine, racist, misogynist man who is clearly overcompensating for something.

Full Comments

Original post for posterity:

Like what was the point?? He was funny as hell, and I wish we could get deeper into his character, but why make him gay??? I wonder if the season where he made the uncle gay was the season the show got a Golden Globe.
Update: it’s been so fun going back and forth with you queens, please keep going, I love how butt hurt you guys are 😭 but then again I’m sure everything’s numb down there by now 😂
Update #2: I see I hurt some feelings here, let me just say, I hope you have nightmares about what I said, I hope the PreP in your stomach makes you throw up tonight, I hope you cry yourselves to sleep. Thank you for being so entertaining during my workday. Byeee queers 🥹

.

Why does it bother you if he is gay? And what do you mean by “absolutely no reason”? The fact that he was gay is exactly what made us get a deeper perspective on the character, which is what you say you wanted. He otherwise was just portrayed as a backward, racist, misogynist. So it was important to show another side to him, not just that he’s the “old crazy uncle.” It shows why he is the way he is, the frustration he has felt his entire life, of being gay and having to hide it, and probably being hyper masculine to compensate . Also, I could be wrong, so feel free to clarify, but if you think Uncle Naseem was “funny as hell” because you actually agree with the comments he was making, I have news for you. The show creators definitely do not want us to agree with Uncle Naseem’s viewpoints. We are supposed to be laughing AT him for the things he is saying, not with him. If you find yourself agreeing with Uncle Naseem’s viewpoints and it bothers you that he’s gay, this show might not be for you .

Because its forced nowadays. If it wasn’t mandated by Hollwood, id have more respect for the writers.

Nah, it’s not forced. It made perfect sense. It’s like when you hear about anti-gay pastors and politicians getting caught on Grindr or with prostitutes. There’s no gay mafia telling Ramy what to do, but that’d be funny though lol

It really is forced, but you can pretend to ignore it.

How is it forced? Everyone disagrees with you. To us, it made perfect sense. I think you don’t like it because you’re a conservative who doesn’t like gay acts depicted

Lmfaoo so since everyone disagrees I should just agree with you all? Those echo chambers really smoothed out your brain.

Then articulate a non-smooth brained reason why you think you can’t have gay characters on TV or why this show in particular shouldn’t have one of the cast members be gay Nah there was no point. But thanks for the essay. why did you even ask the question if you didn’t want a real answer? Lmfaoooooo just cause you agree doesn’t make it a “real answer”. well the only answers you agree with are ones that reinforce the opinion you already hold. if you just wanted people to agree with you then why did you ask a question in the first place? That’s not what I said at all but go off sis

[...]

Actually gays are dying out. Everyone is trams these days.. lesbians are unicorns now

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I couldn’t disagree more with you. It makes him a more interesting character and puts a new spin on all his past statements and interactions. It makes Naseem more sympathetic because his homophobia is overcompensation and denial. Like they didn’t have to make him a diamond dealer either, but it also makes his antisemitism more interesting being that he has to work with Jews all the time.

Yeah, but he didn’t need to be gay

He didn’t need to be, it just was better for his character. Often times the most homophobic guy is gay. Why does it offend you so much? Do you think being gay is bad?

LMFAOOO such a high school response “oh he doesn’t like gays so he must be gay”. That talking point tracks with your other smooth brained buddies in here

Can you answer the question? Is being gay bad because it’s haram?

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People just be gay.

Duh

Are you 13?

Ouch that one really hurt 😞

lol ok kid

thanks man🙂‍↕️

.

Dude….this is so mistaken. This isn’t just a DEI move or some shit. You have this really racist and emotionally wrecked uncle in denial and unable to accept his “flaws”. He knows he is for example attracted to men but he cannot accept that that is okay. He finds himself in the sauna getting sucked off because he couldn’t do it anywhere else. And the moment he thinks his niece finds out he goes crazy about it. Curb your homophobia/queerphobia. A show isn’t “infected” by the LGBTQ movement or part of the gay agenda just because it features gay characters. I’m sorry you’re too afraid to live in a world where media isn’t strictly heteronormative.

Oh save the “phobia” garbage lol, they didn’t need to make him gay period

So why did they have to make him straight?

They don’t, but making him gay shouldn’t be his whole storyline, they barely dove into his character and they just make him gay for what?? It just feels lazy.

We’re explaining to you why the reveal that he is secretly gay is essential to his character development yet you completely ignore it and assert that “they didn’t need to make him gay”. It only appears lazy because you do not understand the logic behind it. They constantly show he’s a lonely bitter old man but we just assume it’s cuz he can’t court any women cuz he’s racist. It’s a massive reveal to us that the real reason he can’t court women is because he’s not attracted to them, and he comes from a place where homosexuality is essentially a weakness and so he cannot accept that he’s weak. We see that he was dating a guy for some time but ends up punching him in the face, because for Uncle Naseem the thing he loves is also the thing he hates most about himself. He loves his family but he also hates them. He loves Ramy but he also hates him. He loves men but he also hates being attracted to them. This is what causes the dissonance in his life, because he can’t accept his flaws. The fact that such a hard ass bought a cake for his boyfriend shows how inside he’s still soft and vulnerable like everybody else. You’re gonna keep asking the question. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO MAKE HIM GAY? The truth is that Ramy Youssef didn’t have to tell us Uncle Naseem is gay, but if we didn’t know then we would know even less about Uncle Naseem.

Yeah you’re on crack or poppers if you think I’m reading all this LMFAOOO! I’ll respond with just a simple, No you’re wrong. Thank you😇

[...]

I would disagree. Him being secretly gay explains a lot about Naseem’s character flaws, especially concerning his overtly homophobic behavior. He’s very clearly compensating in multiple areas. He’s trying to put on this persona that doesn’t match who he actually is. I think him being gay is actually pretty crucial to the character and story line. I like that you don’t have any issues with the other characters? Others are not perfect either, yet you only seem to care about this.

Nah

You don’t even have any counter arguments, what’s the point of your post other than showing how incoherent you can be.

Awhhh I’m sorry I’m not engaging with you like you desperately want 🥺. Tell me how your day was buddy

You’re the one who posted this and can’t even hold your own lmao, you must not be that bright

You feel better? I’ve responded 2 times now okay🥺 hope you can sleep now

The butt hurt guy (ironically) who creates a post like this not having any self awareness to realize they are more like Naseem than their brain cells can handle, I almost feel bad

Ouch!!! You hit me with such an original response!!! It’s not like this take wasn’t said a million times 😭. And awhhh you feel bad for me??? Thanks man. I’m arguing with queers from around the globe, it does get tiring. Thanks bestie 🫶🏽

My bad, I had to repeat it because I thought you had some reading comprehension issues. You mentioned on another comment that you didn’t read it because 2 paragraphs was too long for your dumbass.

Nah it’s just, you queers all say the same things in your responses. Why waste my time ya know?

I’m sure Allah is very happy with you right now

.

Sounds like a bit of casual homophobia, eh?

My homophobia is anything but casual

Then no answer will make sense to you. People be gay, and so is his uncle. Get over it cause everybody else loved the twist.

Lmfaoooo exactly it’s called an OPINION, you don’t have to agree bud. Btw I bet when you typed up That last sentence you crossed your arms like you did something LMAOOOOOOOOO

Bro did you see your post? You asked the question and here's the answer, you're a homophobe. Funny part is that YOU answered it hahaha

LMFAOOO you did it again!! Pressed 😭

The thought of you seething about gay folk enough to come complain here is hilarious to me lol🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

Oh no not the rainbows!!!! Please!!! I just ate! Your “pride” gives me bubble guts!

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care to explain why you have such a problem with the uncle being gay?

Because

because what?

Because yuck

yeah I saw that you admitted to being a homophobe already. you’re a trash person with trash beliefs and a shit moral system. not much we can do about that.

LMFAOOO pat yourself on the back please, or get whoever back doors you to do it.

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I think you just don’t like that he’s gay. Get over it.

Omg I really needed to hear that, thx sis! 😂

Cool, did you get over it? And not your sis, thx! 😁

Just trying to relate to you queers, I assume your a they/that. How do you guys say sis? ?”This”?

You think a lot about the things you didn't say when you can no longer say them. That's the great tragedy of loss -- the finality of it. There is no next chapter once the book has ended.
Or so I thought.
We were married young and for politics. Her father possessed troops and my father possessed legitimacy. It made for an ideal match on paper, but a poor one in person. The differences in our suitability for one another were immediately apparent. She was beautiful and graceful. I was smart but lacking in most other respects other than title. Our wedding artist did me much justice in the portrait, but the injustice of the pairing was clear enough to all.
I had few expectations that she would like me. None that she would love me. I hoped for it and made my effort, but tolerance was the best I could manage. She had the regal bearing of one born for the court, I could simply could not break through to anything beyond. For each gesture there was always a polite and dignified response, but little more.
Still, I cared for her and she was diligent in her duties. She would attend to me when required and play the host with the utmost of care when entertaining. Unfailingly it was commented on that I was a lucky and fortunate man to be have blessed with a wife with so many manifest gifts.
And I agreed, both in voice and in soul.
It is a great pain to love and receive none in return. I often wished to tear it from my body, like a cancerous tumor that slowly ate at the edges of my sanity. It would be so much easier to be done with the feelings within and focus my attentions elsewhere.
But I couldn't. She was all that I desired.
Even when the sickness came, my heart did not change. It redoubled its affection.
Many a night I sat beside her, either in silence or with a book of tales she liked best. As the flame guttered and flickered, I would close the book and lay my hand on hers. She would mumble, lost in the tincture dreams, and I would depart.
Each morning I would greet her, accompanied by fresh cuttings from her garden and the ungodly tea she was required to consume throughout the day. She would thank me for both and ask whether I required anything of her.
"Get well." Is all I would say. Then I would bow and leave her to those whose company she preferred to my own. So many times I pondered whether to say more, whether to unburden my heart. But it would be a selfish thing to settle my heavy load upon the shoulders of one so frail.
The days passed and her condition worsened. Other doctors were summoned and other treatments offered. Each seemed worse than the last, as if the only way to kill the disease was to kill the patient alongside it. I vented my frustrations upon them, but it made little difference.
In the end, she was a wisp. Always fragile, but now frail. The light still shimmered in her eyes, but so much else had gone. Her whispers were weak rasps and I was forced to lean closer to hear. I offered her what comfort I could, but there was little comfort to be had.
On the final night, I came in the evening, book and candle in hand. I sat beside her and opened the book.
She shook her head and whispered a word.
I could not hear her. I leaned close. "No."
"You do not want the book?" I asked.
She shook her head again and pointed a trembling hand to the nightstand. On it stood a small diary. I looked from it to her, confused. "Do you want me to read that?"
"Yes."
I set the book of tales aside and picked up the diary. It was timeworn, covered in brown leather. I gave her a look and, upon her encouraging nod, opened it. I read aloud.

24th of Harvest, Year 732
I am to be married tomorrow. Father says that the Prince is a good match. I am worried. How will he find me? How will I find him? What shall I do if he finds me unacceptable? Father says I am always count on my training, that I have been educated in the proper way of being a wife and it shall ensure I perform well.
I hope I am okay to him.

I looked up from the tome. Her eyes were closed and her breath shallow.

25th of Harvest, Year 732
I am told the Prince is a fine man. That he is kindly and treats the servants well. I do not think this much to base an opinion on, but it is better than to hear he is cruel. In minutes, I will be attended to and prepared for the nuptials. I have prepared myself for what is to come, but I am scared.
Father says it would not be a duty if it were easy. I wish I had a mother of my own for guidance, I feel so lost.

A single tear had made its way from the corner of her eyes and down along her cheek. It glistened in the candlelight. I paused, "Would you like me to stop?" She shook her head.

26th of Harvest, Year 732
I am married. It feels so strange to say.
I am still scared, but not of him. He is clever and amiable. He has a nice smile. I will do my duty to him as a wife. I will not let him down. I will not let my own sentiments cloud my obligations to him.

"Further...later..." She whispered. A clumsy hand rose from her chest and landed on the diary, pushing the pages along.

13th of Long Night, Year 735
I love you.
Why can we not just say it to one another?

I looked up, my eyes wide.
Hers were closed, never open again.
I took her hand in mine and pulled it close. "I love you," I said for the first time to my bride. In the days the followed, during the dark bleakness of grief, I would read the same from her, repeated across the pages of our life together. It is strange that I should find the love I wanted only once the giver was gone. We had been so close in our hearts, but so far in our minds. It created a same desolation in me, to know how close we had been. How close we could have been.
But perhaps it is better to have loved and lost than to have never found the book at all.
PerilousPlatypus

Nothing special, feel free to leave feedback.

A year before I left Boston, we went for dinner one night. It was after ultimate frisbee, and Boloco was the only place open. We were still riding high from the last time, when we'd gotten everyone to swim across the Charles. Some kids from MIT had been eating grapes as they walked across the bridge, and I'd convinced them to throw some to me to try to catch in my mouth. They missed a few times before throwing down the ziplock bag, and I was able to throw one to you, which you caught.
So this time, I'd joked we should climb the fence to the reservoir and see if we could eat burritos on our backs as we swam across, like otters. You liked something I'd said, so instead of rushing it with Boloco, we wandered the grocery aisles to savor the planning. In the end, you'd proposed making a little boat by turning the frisbee upside down and duct taping two water bottles beneath as pontoons. "We could make smores," you said leaning toward me. We bought a tiki torch that we sat in the middle and then piled the rest of the frisbee with marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate squares from Hershey bars. Before we left, you ran back to your car to get a sharpie. You wrote "S.S. More" on the side of one water bottle. I posed for a photo.
The platter was awkward, and we dropped a couple pieces of chocolate in the woods. But we got through the fence easily. We broke sticks for our marshmallows and you lit the torch with a lighter from your car. I remember there were these little fish that would nibble at our toes in the shallows. It was unpleasant, but it didn't quite hurt, more ticklish. I was a more confident swimmer, so I pulled the jump rope, swimming on my back, the other hand balancing my marshmallow over the carcinogenic flame.
At some point out on the water, the wind picked up and blew out the torch. We treaded water several minutes as you tried to get the lighter, wet from where you'd stuffed it into your underwear, to work. At the other side of the reservoir, we stood and those little fish nibbled at us, and you shook out the lighter hard, and lit the torch. We ate as much as we pleased, laughing the whole way back. You took a turn with the jump rope.
That summer we drove up and stayed at the cabin your great uncle owned in Maine. The cabin itself was a converted boat, where your uncle, a local politician from Florida, spent his summers with his obese wife. They were the legal guardians of your cousin, whose father disappeared again after relapsing. It was early autumn, and you'd said it was too cold to swim. But we'd go down and jump in the water with your aunt and uncle, who were convinced the cold was soothing to your aunt's gout. I taught the little boy to skip rocks, but I got him in trouble by talking in character as Scarlet O'Hara during a game of Clue, which he wouldn't stop imitating for the rest of the afternoon. His grandfather sent him outside until he stopped. When you and I went to look for him, he was trying to split logs with an axe in his flip flops. We told him not to do that because he could lose his toes, and I told him that voices were only funny for a short time.
You and I didn't sleep in the old boat cabin, which was expectedly small. Instead, we slept in an L in a 12'x12' shed with a light bulb, which hung on an extension cord from a truss. We talked until 3am or 4am, about everything, work, girls, childhood, and the things that we'd done that had finally dragged us into sobriety.
The next morning, I'd said I wanted to see if I could swim across Lewis Cove and back. As soon as I said it, you were in. You were so lean from running all the time, and before we even got past the boats and the lobster traps, you were struggling from the cold. I'd suggested going back or even climbing out on one of the docks holding traps, but you refused. In the middle, you were worried about making it across at all. I figured I could carry you, but without a float, I didn't think I could carry you very far. When we finally got to where we could stand, you got out and tried to warm up. I stayed in the water, swimming back out a little because for some reason I thought a lobster might pinch me. Eventually, I realized how violently you were shivering. So I got out too, and we decided to go find the road and try to hitchhike back.
It turned out to be one of the islands scattered along the coast of Maine. Luckily, the restaurant the only thing on the island hadn't yet closed for the year. The staff, who lived on the island in warm months, were shocked to see us on their day off. You asked if they were planning to take their boat across the water anytime soon. "If you're already making the trip, maybe we could carpool?" you suggested. Two of them gave us a lift in a little boat, making thinly veiled comments about the stupidity of summer people most of the way.
The next day, you slept for hours with a fever. Your aunt was angry that I'd been a bad influence. I went back out and tried to complete the round trip swim. I did it carefully, keeping my head out of the water most of the time and swimming a modified breaststroke. I thought maybe a fast pace would help keep my body temperature up. On the other side, I kicked off the rocks and swam back, and it was cold, but I was fine. Back at the cabin, you were awake and gave me a hug when I came in. We looked up the swimming route on your phone and saw that it was indeed an island, a mile and change round trip. That night we bought a few lobsters from some place along the road, which your uncle boiled in seawater.
A few weeks later, you'd tried to set me up with a girl you knew. You showed me a photo of her, a knockout blonde from Florida. You told me you'd been telling her all about me and had sent her my website and that she wanted to visit Boston and meet me. You told me what a good person she was. "She does little things you'd do, like whenever she has spare change, she goes and puts it in the coin return of vending machines so that it'll make someone's day." I asked why you weren't dating her, but you brushed me off. We started arguing somehow at Bukowski's, some comment I'd made because you'd said she routinely got favors from an infatuated ex. I'd told you it sounded like trouble, and that remembering that beauty is fleeting was why I hadn't slept my way through the ultimate frisbee club yet. We ended up finishing our White Trash Cheese Steaks in silence.
I left Boston with some girl the following summer. It fizzled in weeks, but it was years later that I realized how much you loved me. My ex-wife had been organizing photos, and had come across the picture of me smiling at you with the frisbee boat. She was always jealous of other women, and she asked who I was smiling at in the photo. "He was my friend."

Last night, when I was home alone, a hand reached out from under the couch and grabbed me.
Nobody was there to see it, and nobody that I’ve told believes me, but it definitely happened. It’s not the kind of thing you can just imagine, and I’m sure now that it wasn’t a dream.
I was watching TV when it happened. The remote fell under the couch and I started fishing around for it without really looking, not wanting to get up from my seat. I brushed it with the tips of my fingers and it slid further underneath.
I was super annoyed— I had to get down on my knees to reach it. I finally found the remote, and that’s when it grabbed me.
As I pulled the remote out into the light, a hand shot up from under the couch and wrapped its fingers around my wrist.
I was able to yank myself away quickly. It didn’t hold on tight— just enough that I felt a little resistance. I jumped to my feet, obviously terrified.
I didn’t scream or anything. I was honestly too scared to even make a sound. My heart was beating so fast that my ears started to ring. The TV was still going, commercials droning on while I tried to process what had just happened.
The hand had only come out about a foot from under the couch. It had an arm attached to it, though I wasn’t able to see past its elbow, and it slinked back below the couch as soon as I pulled myself free from its grasp.
It didn’t hurt, and it didn’t leave any sort of bruise or mark or anything on my wrist, but I definitely felt it, and I definitely saw it.
All I could do was stare at the spot where the hand had appeared. I stood there for what felt like an eternity, until I heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps right outside my front door.
I live in a second-story apartment. It’s a pretty cramped place and a pretty old building, so whenever someone comes over I can usually hear footsteps from the moment they enter the building downstairs.
I guess I was so freaked out by the hand that I didn’t even notice someone was outside until they were already opening the door.
My roommate walked in on quite a scene. She immediately registered how off the vibe was. I could see it on her face.
She found me standing upright in the middle of our living room, TV remote in hand, facing away from the screen while Full House’s laugh track filled the air. I’m sure I’d think it was odd too.
“Hey…” she said, shifting a paper bag full of groceries in her arm while she pocketed her keys, “You good?”
I felt like I was caught with my pants down, but just seeing a familiar face brought some of the blood back to my fingers.
“N—yeah,” I stuttered. I came back online, and flicked the TV off.
I felt her eyes on me as she walked over to the kitchen. There’s no wall or anything dividing the two rooms. Like I said, the place is pretty cramped.
She started putting her groceries away as if everything was normal, but I could tell she wanted to ask what was up.
I kept looking back and forth between her and the couch. I can’t explain it, but I already knew that if I looked under there, I wouldn’t find any trace of whoever (or whatever) grabbed me.
As she started loading up the fridge, I dropped to my hands and knees once again. Without taking even a second to ready myself, I brought my head down to the ground and looked under the couch.
Nothing.
Pretty much what I expected. There was barely enough room for me to squeeze my arm under there for the remote. No way a whole person could fit beneath that thing, and even if they could, there’s no way I wouldn’t have seen them or heard them or something before they grabbed me.
“Seriously, what’s up?”
I looked up to see my roommate standing right behind me, arms crossed, clearly concerned.
I knew I was acting strange, and I knew that nothing I would come up with in the next five seconds could possibly excuse my behavior. I made a judgement call, honestly not really caring about how it would be received.
“I uh… something grabbed me earlier.”
“What?”
“Under the couch. I dropped the remote, and when I picked it up, a hand reached out from under the couch and grabbed me.”
Took her a second to respond.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“That’s it. A hand reached out and grabbed me by the wrist. It happened like a minute before you got here.”
That part might have been a lie. I actually have no idea how long I had been standing in the middle of the room before she showed up.
“Wait so like someone broke in?”
“No. It’s just like I said. A hand reached out, grabbed me, and then it was gone.”
She just kinda looked at me for a while. I don’t blame her, but it’s not like there was any way for me to sugarcoat it.
“Are you sure?”
“What do you mean ‘am I sure?’ Yes, yes I’m fucking sure!”
My voice broke a little when I said that. I was still down on my knees, like I was praying for her to believe me.
“Okay well obviously that didn’t happen Sam.”I let out a desperate laugh and threw my hands up in the air. I slapped them down on my thighs dramatically and shook my head in exasperation.
“Yeah obviously it sounds fucking crazy but you asked what happened and that’s what happened. I don’t know how else to describe it. I’m just being honest.”
I pulled myself up to my feet and walked around to the armrest of the couch. She kept studying me, probably thinking this was all a prank or something.
“What are you doing?” She asked, arms still glued across her chest.
“I’m checking under the couch.”
I pushed one end of the couch away from the wall. It was pretty heavy, and the coffee table stopped me from moving it too far. I dragged the coffee table towards the TV to free up some space.
My roommate started staring at the spot I was clearing as if she expected to see something there too.
I went back over to the armrest.
“Can you help me?”
She snapped out of her trance and silently went to grab the other side. We pulled the couch away from the wall, revealing a thick rectangle of dust that had not seen the light of day since we moved in a year ago.
I dropped to my knees once more and began wiping away the grime with my bare hands. There was nothing but the floorboards beneath it. No surprise.
I sat there for a second, eyes darting around the floor. No fingerprints in the dust, no scratches or marks or anything. I felt the tension in the room dissipate as my roommate found her voice again.
“I think you must have imagined it.”
I didn’t. There’s no way.
“Dude, no. I felt it and I saw it. Clear as day. It was a hand, and it grabbed me. That’s not the sort of thing you can just imagine.”
She scoffed, any fear left in her giving way to frustration.
“Whatever. This is fucking stupid. I’m going to bed.”
She stomped off towards her room.
“Wait.”
She spun on her heels as I stood up, probably expecting me to tell her I was joking about the whole thing.
“Can you help me flip the couch over?”
She rolled her eyes.
“Sure. But I’m not helping you put it back.”
She helped me lift the couch off of its legs and tilt it onto its front cushions, exposing the fabric underneath. She disappeared into her room and I went to work studying the underside of the sofa.
There was a zipper lining the bottom, but I found nothing inside when I opened it up. Just a hollow wooden frame and a bunch of crumbs.
I sat back against the wall, more tired than scared at that point.
I can’t believe she thinks I’m making this up. Why would I even do that? What purpose would it serve?
As I solemnly went about rebuilding our living room, I decided that the next day (today) I was gonna take off work, wait for her to leave, and really get to the bottom of this.
I didn’t sleep at all last night. Every nook and cranny of my room felt like a door left wide open, with something sinister waiting on the other side.
What if the hand comes back? What if it wants to hurt me next time? How can I even protect myself?
After like ten restless minutes in bed, I decided to move to the floor. I couldn’t help it. I kept imagining the hand reaching up from under the bed and grabbing me again.
I made a makeshift sleeping bag out of my comforter and some pillows, and I laid on my side so I could keep an eye on the underside of my bedframe while I slept. Maybe “slept” isn’t the right word. Even down there, I couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes for longer than a minute.
Eventually sunlight began to peek through the blinds, and I heard some movement within the apartment. My roommate was finally up. I heard the front door close, and it was time to get to work.
I nearly threw my back out yanking the couch away from the wall to reveal the floorboards underneath. They aren’t real floorboards, just the kind of cheap-o fake shit they put in crappy houses to make them look more modern. Our whole apartment is like that— a thin coat of paint slapped over an old building from the 40s or whatever.
My dad actually owns this building. He lets me and my roommate stay here as long as we pay him $500 a month, which is way cheaper than most places in my area.
It’s not really an apartment building to be honest. You can tell it used to be a family home before some realtor swooped in and broke it up into apartments. There are a lot of those around here.
Anyway, the fake wood came up easy. It was only about a quarter inch thick. I was able to pull up the first plank by hammering a kitchen knife into a slit between the boards, and then I peeled a few more away by hand.
After prying away about a dozen of these fake floorboards, I started to realize that I wasn’t going to find anything without making a significantly larger dent. Right beneath the thin layer of fake wood was a layer of very real, very thick wooden beams that seemed to span well beyond the hole I had managed to claw open.
My back crackled and popped as I sat back on my heels to admire my handiwork and contemplate where to go from there. I knew I would need a power saw or some kind of heavy duty tool to get any deeper, but I was afraid of two things:

1. That these beams were supporting the entire second floor of the building, and cutting through them would make the whole thing collapse
2. That going any deeper would lead me into the ceiling of the apartment below us, and whoever lives there would call my dad before I could see what I needed to see.

Regardless of the risks, I knew I had to keep going. I was certain that something was down there. Whatever grabbed me had to have left some sort of evidence.
I can’t stop thinking about that fucking hand.
I’m not supposed to have it, but my dad gave me a master key for the whole building in case of emergencies. He could really get in trouble if anyone found out, but if this isn’t an emergency then idk what is.
There’s a service shed around the back of the building, which has seen none of the love that the main building saw when it was renovated. Decades worth of rusty antiques and rotting furniture line the walls. A shiny, modern tool bench sits unnaturally in the middle of the chaos.
I rifled through all of that shit as fast as I could. I’m not really close with my dad all things considered, and I’m sure he’d be super pissed if he found me out there. He’s so secretive about random shit all the time, and he’s constantly dropping by the building unannounced.
I found the jigsaw under a pile of old newspapers and ran back upstairs.
I probably should have checked the driveway to see if anyone was home first, because the saw made so much noise. The cord barely reached from the outlet to the spot where the couch used to be, but as awkward as the angle was, I was still able to get it in there.
I went as small as possible with my first few cuts. I started with a single beam, cutting out a section about 6x6 inches wide. I slid the chunk of wood out, and, to my relief, didn’t immediately see the plaster that would be my downstairs neighbor’s ceiling.
A tuft of insulation stuck out where I made the hole. I didn’t know that stuff is made from fiberglass or whatever, and I got a really bad splinter when I went to yank it out.
I fished some leather gloves out of my roommate’s closet and got to work on the insulation. I pulled and pulled but couldn’t get a good enough grip to remove anything more than a few bits about the size of a tennis ball.
I went back in with the jigsaw, cutting bigger and bigger chunks until I had cleared a hole about two feet in diameter.
No sign that I was gonna bring the building down, that’s good.
I hacked away for hours. More wood came up, more insulation came up, and when I finally hit a fragile-looking layer of drywall, I knew the jig was up. That’s definitely my neighbor’s ceiling. Fuck.
My roommate and I got in a screaming match when she got home. I made a pretty big mess but I don’t really give a fuck honestly.
I don’t give a fuck if she believes me. I fucking hate that bitch. I told her if she tells my dad what I’m doing, I’ll bash her brains in with the hammer. That shut her up. She left with a bag full of her clothes like an hour later.
Tomorrow I’m going to wait for our downstairs neighbor to leave and start investigating from the bottom-up. If there wasn’t any evidence on the floor up here, there HAS to be something on the ceiling down there.
If I do find something, I’ll post again. I doubt anyone will even believe me, but at this point I just want everything written down somewhere accessible in case something bad happens.
There has to be something down there. Something grabbed me. And I’m going to find out what it is.

Hello to redditors from across India who are planning to visit Sikkim. I'm a local Sikkimese and I am currently trying to create a cheap travel video guide to Sikkim especially aimed for backpackers and budget travelers. It will focus on how to reach Sikkim and getting around Sikkim just like how any local like myself would do, travelling between towns like Gangtok, Namchi, Pelling and even Darjeeling using local taxi services; exploration of off-beat places and beautiful non-touristy spots in and around Gangtok; familiarization of your hotel location and travelling to and fro; traffic rules for those who want to hire a scooty/ bike or bring there own vehicle; itinerary for short weekend trip as well as long stays and best locations for accommodation. People who are travelling on big budget can also watch this guide for basic tips and do's & don'ts.
I will be sharing the link to the first episode in a few days and I am hoping it will reach to those who need it. Your support would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

I have a problem - I am lazy! But I want to do something about it. To do so, I am looking for an accountability buddy/coach that makes sure that I stay on track and do my work properly.
Goals: Mostly "career", but also personal development. I am actually blessed by the fact that I am completely financially independent (early Bitcoin investment gave me the opportunity to retire at the age of 30). However, I am still doing unpaid, voluntary work as a programmer. I am maintaining multiple open source projects that are used all around the world, getting integrated into all sorts of infrastructure. As such I feel like my work is important and that I can always do "yet a bit more" to help society as a whole. But sometimes I am getting lazy. And don't get me wrong here, I am not talking about "taking a break" or having a free time at the end of the day - those things would be totally fine! I am talking about pretty much doing nothing for multiple weeks, sometimes months. These times are ... problematic. Not only for my work, but also for my mental health. So I am looking for someone that is basically a safe guard for when that happens, reminding me of getting back on track.
Level of accountability: I am aware that I'd be asking for much here, but luckily I do have the budget to finance it, so I'd be looking for daily check ins and motivational guidance. It is especially important that you can be there for me at some time between 9-5 in CET. How much you are there is up to you, could be 1 hour, could be all 8 hours. I do have further ideas that would become a bit invasive, as such they would need to be discussed well, when the time comes. I wouldn't start with those in the beginning either, but once I get used to be around you I might feel more and more comfortable to open up to you and give you more and more access to my life. Pretty much to survail me.
Requirements: I am very open to discuss pretty much every aspect of this job, almost nothing is set in stone yet. There are only two hard requirements from my side:

1. You are able to understand and express yourself in english. If you were able to understand this job application this far, without help, then you have already passed on this requirement.
2. Communication is through Discord. Nothing else. I am pretty much constantly on Discord because of my workflow anyway, having any other form of communication isn't possible.

Payment: Around $8/hr, also negotiable.
If you find this job interesting, then please do not hesitate to hit me up via DMs here on Reddit.

I have played our beautiful game on and off since I was 11 years old, with a random set of second-hand shop golf clubs.
I had a full set of irons but it was a mixture of old blades, ladies CB clubs, antique looking woods and an old putter. All varying lengths, feels and condition.
I got to the point in my mid 20's where I could break 100 every second or third time I played, but never improved from there.
At the age of 35 I've finally bought a full set of clubs and I didn't realise how much inconsistency came with my array of clubs.
I guess I never wanted to spend money on the game and try to improve despite my shitty clubs, almost as a protest to my mates who had full new sets.
If you are like I was for a long time, and you want an instant improvement to your game (and are lucky enough to have roughly $800 NZD) then get a set of matching clubs!
I had been shooting around the 56 stroke mark recently and got down to 48 on my last few rounds with the new clubs. Happy golfing everybody!

I have a problem - I am lazy! But I want to do something about it. To do so, I am looking for an accountability buddy/coach that makes sure that I stay on track and do my work properly.
Goals: Mostly "career", but also personal development. I am actually blessed by the fact that I am completely financially independent (early Bitcoin investment gave me the opportunity to retire at the age of 30). However, I am still doing unpaid, voluntary work as a programmer. I am maintaining multiple open source projects that are used all around the world, getting integrated into all sorts of infrastructure. As such I feel like my work is important and that I can always do "yet a bit more" to help society as a whole. But sometimes I am getting lazy. And don't get me wrong here, I am not talking about "taking a break" or having a free time at the end of the day - those things would be totally fine! I am talking about pretty much doing nothing for multiple weeks, sometimes months. These times are ... problematic. Not only for my work, but also for my mental health. So I am looking for someone that is basically a safe guard for when that happens, reminding me of getting back on track.
Level of accountability: I am aware that I'd be asking for much here, but luckily I do have the budget to finance it, so I'd be looking for daily check ins and motivational guidance. It is especially important that you can be there for me at some time between 9-5 in CET. How much you are there is up to you, could be 1 hour, could be all 8 hours. I do have further ideas that would become a bit invasive, as such they would need to be discussed well, when the time comes. I wouldn't start with those in the beginning either, but once I get used to be around you I might feel more and more comfortable to open up to you and give you more and more access to my life. Pretty much to survail me.
Requirements: I am very open to discuss pretty much every aspect of this job, almost nothing is set in stone yet. There are only two hard requirements from my side:

1. You are able to understand and express yourself in english. If you were able to understand this job application this far, without help, then you have already passed on this requirement.
2. Communication is through Discord. Nothing else. I am pretty much constantly on Discord because of my workflow anyway, having any other form of communication isn't possible.

If you find this job interesting, then please do not hesitate to hit me up via DMs here on Reddit.

I am trying to find a very simplistic type of software to make a video in a certain way, basically taking an image file (think like a very large informative chart) and timestamps and views.
It is very hard to find in a web search software that does a certain task in a certain way, not using the right search terms, when what I would call it describes something totally different because what it generally does it already done. For example it's not really video editing, it's "video creating", but specifically creating a video the way I want to with simplicity, and not a huge commercial program that does a million different things. I assume if I want it to work exactly the way I want, I will have to make it myself, but I'm not a programmer, but I can learn basic things, or will have to find somebody who can execute my vision, or shares the vision and wants to collaborate on it.
Basically I want a simple dialog box where you start out with you upload an image file and it asks how long you want the video to be. So for instance you upload your file and you enter 3 minutes. The initial view would be just the full image, but you could change that by adding a different view and deleting that view. So it starts out there is one view, and it goes from 0:00.0 to 3:00.0. Then you can click 'add view' and it'll duplicate that view, and automatically recalculate so view 1 would be 0:00.0 to 1:30.0 and view 2 would be from 1:30.0 to 3:00.0. Then you "edit" View 2, by pan, tilt, zoom in, zoom out, etc. and make View 2 different from View 1. It would automatically create the transition (i.e. fly-by from View 1 to View 2), by parameters that you can define, but there would be a default setting, for instance, 5 seconds to transition. Then you could add as many views as you want, also would want to have a few additional basic features like fade-in and fade-out to and from black or white.
It could support adding a second image file, and you could make additional views on those. Any of the time boxes would be editable, And if you change one it would recalculate the others.
The application of this would be like an informational video where you have a very large chart and you want to pan around and zoom in and show different things on the chart at exact times, for instance to sync up with an audio file. So you could record the audio and then you have the time stamps, so you know, for instance, at 1:42 I want to zoom in on this, at 1:51 I want to zoom in on this etc.
I know this can be done with Windows Movie Maker or other software like Adobe, CapCut, etc., but nothing I've found does just this the way I want and does it well and easy. A nice, lightweight freeware or shareware, or paid, simple software that doesn't need to be a whole video editing suite. Although if there is a video editor that might suit me that I should give a try, I'm open to suggestions. But I'm more interested in figuring out what the process would be to build it from scratch exactly the way I want it to work. But again, I'm not a programmer, I don't even know what language of programming I would have to learn ideally to undertake this.
Any thoughts, no matter how absurd, that anybody has on this or any other ideas, are much appreciated. As are suggestions for existing software to try that I may not be aware of.

Hey all, hope you're all well. As the title implies, I am quite unwell and may not have much longer on this earth. Hence asking this question, despite it being asked over and over, because I have quite unique requirements.
TLDR: Which duffel suits me best, for 1-2 week trips, out of the 40L Patagonia, 55L Patagonia, or 71L North Face (or smaller North Face), given that this may be my final trip, and given that money is tight due to medical treatments etc?
At the moment, I own several Evergoods backpacks and slings. I also own (or semi-own, shared with my partner) an old-style, bright red, plasticky-looking Patagonia Black Hole duffel in 55L (I hate the colour and look of it, only got it as it was like $100 USD off). Other than that, I just have a medium-size American Tourister suitcase.
Anyway, long story short, I'd like to get a new duffel. Part of it is that I've always hated the shiny look of the Patagonia duffels - no longer an issue with this 2024 update. But it has annoyed me for years, our bright red Patagonia 😡
It would be used primarily for trips 1-2 weeks long, naturally sometimes just a weekend trip, pretty much always domestically. I'm someone who struggles to pack smartly and minimally - especially in winter. So that's something to consider, but I'm getting back into it, meaning the whole "minimalist" carrying thing.
I would largely have the ability to wash my clothes on the go. It would need to fit: probably enough clothes for five days, including business shoes + a toiletries/dopp kit (using an Evergoods CAP2 for this) + a medicines kit (have a number of health issues, again, using a different CAP2 for this) + ideally my Birkenstocks (I wear Converses on my days off, business shoes for work naturally and nice dinners, and the Birkenstocks for little things like walking down the road to the local supermarket, or taking the laundry out to hang it up etc).
But I can live without the Birkenstocks on trips, so it would be: wearing Converses with business shoes in the duffel. Naturally, laptop + power bank + most medicines (especially important for my Ritalin) + a book + cables + whatever else can go in my Evergoods 24L CPL. And then with my sling to take out each day to explore.
So I am not sure whether to get the Patagonia or the North Face, in the 40 (Patagonia), 55L (Patagonia), or the North Face in S or M. Sadly, where I live, it is more or less impossible to see them in person before buying. I have the 55L Patagonia, as I said, and other than the coloutextile, the main things I don't like are: a) lack of internal organisation (not improved for the 2024 version I believe), and b) when not crammed full, it sags and lacks structure.
I'm hoping this is a bag I can use for many years to come, and I'm just sick of having to use my suitcase all the time (just that it's big, chunky, obnoxious). For other types of travel I've got an Osprey backpack that I pair with my sling for exploring during the day.
So yes, my questions are:

1. What size would be appropriate, given it will be largely for one to two week trips, with me not being great at packing smartly and minimally, with the options being 40L, 55L or 71L, but with the option of washing say once every 5-7 days?; and
2. Which brand/product is better - durability, cost, value, look, warranty etc?

I will say - I love the "look" of the Patagonia, especially in the matte blue finish. Other than that, I'm open to jumping ship to the North Face, if needed. Final thing is the price - I can get the 40L Patagonia (new design) for $185 AUD, so ~$120 USD, I can get the 55L Patagonia (new design) for around $200 AUD, so ~$130 USD, and the North Face M for $175 AUD, so ~$115 USD.
The North Face is therefore around $100 AUD cheaper than normal, meaning, $100 AUD cheaper than the standard price for the bag, being $70 USD cheaper, as it is on clearance (making it a great deal, in my opinion, but again, happy to spend more on a Patagonia if it will be a better bag for me). That's specifically for the "Timber Tan" colour, which I quite like. It also boils down to the size - I hate it when a bag is too big for what you need it for.
It's the reason I sold my Evergoods MPL30 and CPL28. I'm 6'2", so it wasn't an issue of them being too big for my frame - just too big for my EDC. And that feeling of not wanting "too much room" transfers across to duffels. But then again, it's shit when you are packing for a trip and can't even fit the essentials - especially my CAP2 medicines kit and CAP2 toiletries bag, they take up a fair bit of space.
In so many ways, the 40L Patagonia would be perfect - lifetime warranty as far as I know, and a company dedicated to saving the environment. Plus it is small enough to take as carry-on when flying, I think, and I much prefer the new Patagonia design over the North Face design. But I don't want to come across as sold on the Patagonia! The North Face, for me, seems to have the advantages of that extra external pocket and compression straps. I don't know that there's too much else for it.
Thanks so much for any help. Going through a tough time in my life, and this is just a little thing to look forward to and it will make imagining my next holiday easier, which would be so nice, if I do get to holiday again 💛👌🏻
PS - can also get the Bellroy "Venture Duffel" 55L for $200 AUD, so ~$130 USD, or the North Face "Base Camp Voyager Duffel" 42L for $245 AUD, so ~$160 USD. I love Bellroy, the bag looks amazing, but I hate that they don't stand by their products and offer a lifetime/much longer warranty. And I don't know what the difference is between the "Base Camp Voyager" and the standard "Base Camp" duffel? If anyone knows, please let me know.
Okay, rant over. Truly, any assistance would mean the world to me - the kindness of strangers is getting me through life right now.

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
​
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.

I saw a family with you, I wanted and needed you. God almighty I still do. I'm just not gonna beg, I don't even want to ask, I wanted to earn a place with you. I didn't replace you, my life was hijacked. I was pushed away and exploring my heart while I read all your bursting letters, praying that one of them was from you. I really thought so, I thought I knew for sure.
I've suffered so much and it's hardly begun. I love you. I always have and always will. I accept if you can't love me even if its absolutely killing me.
I should have shouted that it was you. You, forever, like I had always felt. I could have broken out, crushed hearts into dust... I didn't mean yours. Every one of us was hurt and I was selling my body. I stopped but they didn't. I am being used in the clearest most direct possible way and I can do nothing but support them anyway. It's hell, and I smile because everything in this life, every waking movement and every single nights nightmares, everything is filled with overwhelming pain. I'm not christ, I'm not a miracle worker, but holy fuck did I sacrifice to bring her here into this moment in the present. I'd do that for you my love, for my family, friends, I'd do it for a kind and damaged stranger. I kept my feelings away as long as I could. I warned them about my past, with peoples hearts, and I was ignored. I was trapped I swear to god...
This is begging, this is pleading. But what I'm begging for isn't your soul, it's a little bit of your brain, just to please please know I didn't lose my mind for no reason. I tried as often as I could to tell the truth, tell her its you I love without equal and you should have heard the hellstorm, my flying in the face of basic logic, the loving proof on reddit I couldn't share, that wasn't actually proof in the slightest. It was just coincidence. I can't leave and it isn't because I wouldn't.
I needed help. I needed saving. I needed to save myself, that was one of the last things you told me before it went dark. I didn't save myself, I died like leo drifting into cold water, some nice stranger floating on a door. I'm in love with martyrdom /s
My eyes hurt and my nose is stuffed up I feel clammy and I kind of want to die. And no, I don't sleep well still. My mind is blanking. I can't stay awake anymore. I wish I could say any of this in person, over the phone, handwritten letters via carrier pigeon. Just something more than shouting into the wasteland.
And I really did, I really really meant it when I said I was your friend. I couldn't have predicted just how thoroughly I would lose myself

I’m in a tricky spot. My ex left me out of the blue a month ago. We had a great relationship, both had faults but nothing major. We were good to each-other. We had an insanely stressful time period & we lived together for a year at this point, we were also together for 2 years. I think he just needed time away & we needed to go back to long distance for a while. Our living situation wasn’t working out at all anymore & we didn’t know how to navigate that properly.
I don’t think we (mainly him) communicated affectively enough about what needed to happen. He just got lost, confused & just kinda dipped. Then, he did/ said strange stuff & gave a million bs reasons for why he left. None of them were true. I knew exactly why he left. He was just lost. He still loves me & I know he didn’t want to breakup, he just felt he had no choice, which was dumb. I tried so hard to show him he was making a mistake & clearly just in a bad mental state, but eventually I gave up.
I went no contact & tried to move on. Then, he calls a few days ago to tell me he is deeply sorry, he took accountability for what he did & he just described it as him getting crazy overwhelmed & he felt backed into a corner. He wanted to discuss getting back together. I told him I need him to take more time to really think about that decision. While part of me wanted to just say “yes omg let’s do it come home baby” I did not. He has to prove himself to me again. It’s been 3 days since that call & we’ve barely spoken, when we have it’s not about that. It’s weird.
He reopened the wound & yes I did tell him to take them to think, but now I just feel like shit because I don’t know what is going on. I’m scared to even ask. It sucks. I’m tempted to text & call all the time but I’m not sure what to say, I need him to take the initiative but I guess it’s just a weird cross road. I could forgive him for this, I do think we needed time apart. He went about it absolutely awful, but I do believe in 2nd chances. It’s just a shame he called me saying everything I’ve been waiting to hear, but nothing has happened really. We’ve spoken each day since, but I’ve initiated contact more during this time than he has. He still says I love you & doesn’t tackle the topic again. I’m so so confused. I get that getting back together should be a slow process, I get I told him to take time to think, but I don’t know what is even going on & I NEED to know. It hurts. I was not sure if I should just initiate the conversation again & go from there, or allow him to think like I said to do. Any ideas?

I’m in a tricky spot. My ex left me out of the blue a month ago. We had a great relationship, both had faults but nothing major. We were good to each-other. We had an insanely stressful time period & we lived together for a year at this point, we were also together for 2 years. I think he just needed time away & we needed to go back to long distance for a while. Our living situation wasn’t working out at all anymore & we didn’t know how to navigate that properly.
I don’t think we (mainly him) communicated affectively enough about what needed to happen. He just got lost, confused & just kinda dipped. Then, he did/ said strange stuff & gave a million bs reasons for why he left. None of them were true. I knew exactly why he left. He was just lost. He still loves me & I know he didn’t want to breakup, he just felt he had no choice, which was dumb. I tried so hard to show him he was making a mistake & clearly just in a bad mental state, but eventually I gave up.
I went no contact & tried to move on. Then, he calls a few days ago to tell me he is deeply sorry, he took accountability for what he did & he just described it as him getting crazy overwhelmed & he felt backed into a corner. He wanted to discuss getting back together. I told him I need him to take more time to really think about that decision. While part of me wanted to just say “yes omg let’s do it come home baby” I did not. He has to prove himself to me again. It’s been 3 days since that call & we’ve barely spoken, when we have it’s not about that. It’s weird.
He reopened the wound & yes I did tell him to take them to think, but now I just feel like shit because I don’t know what is going on. I’m scared to even ask. It sucks. I’m tempted to text & call all the time but I’m not sure what to say, I need him to take the initiative but I guess it’s just a weird cross road. I could forgive him for this, I do think we needed time apart. He went about it absolutely awful, but I do believe in 2nd chances. It’s just a shame he called me saying everything I’ve been waiting to hear, but nothing has happened really. We’ve spoken each day since, but I’ve initiated contact more during this time than he has. He still says I love you & doesn’t tackle the topic again. I’m so so confused. I get that getting back together should be a slow process, I get I told him to take time to think, but I don’t know what is even going on & I NEED to know. It hurts. I was not sure if I should just initiate the conversation again & go from there, or allow him to think like I said to do. Any ideas?

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
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I’m in a tricky spot. My ex left me out of the blue a month ago. We had a great relationship, both had faults but nothing major. We were good to each-other. We had an insanely stressful time period & we lived together for a year at this point, we were also together for 2 years. I think he just needed time away & we needed to go back to long distance for a while. Our living situation wasn’t working out at all anymore & we didn’t know how to navigate that properly.
I don’t think we (mainly him) communicated affectively enough about what needed to happen. He just got lost, confused & just kinda dipped. Then, he did/ said strange stuff & gave a million bs reasons for why he left. None of them were true. I knew exactly why he left. He was just lost. He still loves me & I know he didn’t want to breakup, he just felt he had no choice, which was dumb. I tried so hard to show him he was making a mistake & clearly just in a bad mental state, but eventually I gave up.
I went no contact & tried to move on. Then, he calls a few days ago to tell me he is deeply sorry, he took accountability for what he did & he just described it as him getting crazy overwhelmed & he felt backed into a corner. He wanted to discuss getting back together. I told him I need him to take more time to really think about that decision. While part of me wanted to just say “yes omg let’s do it come home baby” I did not. He has to prove himself to me again. It’s been 3 days since that call & we’ve barely spoken, when we have it’s not about that. It’s weird.
He reopened the wound & yes I did tell him to take them to think, but now I just feel like shit because I don’t know what is going on. I’m scared to even ask. It sucks. I’m tempted to text & call all the time but I’m not sure what to say, I need him to take the initiative but I guess it’s just a weird cross road. I could forgive him for this, I do think we needed time apart. He went about it absolutely awful, but I do believe in 2nd chances. It’s just a shame he called me saying everything I’ve been waiting to hear, but nothing has happened really. We’ve spoken each day since, but I’ve initiated contact more during this time than he has. He still says I love you & doesn’t tackle the topic again. I’m so so confused. I get that getting back together should be a slow process, I get I told him to take time to think, but I don’t know what is even going on & I NEED to know. It hurts. I was not sure if I should just initiate the conversation again & go from there, or allow him to think like I said to do. Any ideas?

Preamble

This is going to be a bit of a lengthy post so bear with me. I am going to get into boons, arcana cards, vows, and weapon/equipment choice in this post and how I eventually was able to clear the underworld at 32 fear. All of this is in context of the build I am going for and the weapon I am using. Different vows, cards, etc. may be better for different weapons and playstyles. This is not a definitive guide and I have only beaten it once so far and by sticking to one weapon during my attempts. I enjoy writing about stuff like this and hope that this can possibly help y'all.
I finished the surface on my 23rd run and then the underworld on the next for reference. I just now cleared the underworld at 32 fear on my 143rd run. Of those between were me completing testaments, trying out weapons/aspects, and chaos trials. I attempted 32 fear a total of 36 times before I finally got it. Total in game time according to steam is 74 hours lol (I had a four day weekend and my gf is out of town so this is pretty much all I did).
Proof of run

Weapon/Aspect: Momus Staff

Firstly you want to get enough resources to unlock and fully upgrade the aspect, I think 10 total nightmare? Giving your special +30 power. I wouldn't bother 32 fear until you can get it all the way up.
For a few runs while I was using the skull with Melinoe/Persephone aspect, as I was trying to complete the 20 fear testament simultaneously. Stopped since I decided I wasn't really comfortable with the skull and switched to Melinoe's staff. Did that for a while and then saw this video and decided to give the Momus staff a shot, where i then won in 7 runs after switching. It also probably helped that I changed around some vows around this time, more on that later.
Watch the video for a breakdown but essentially you want Poseidon special + legendary boon, and ideally the double moonshot hammer that gives your special 2 more projectiles that seek. He switches his binds for left and right click but I did not, up to you.
Took a minute to get used to but essentially I just spammed speciall the entire time in fights, kiting enemies when necessary. I used my cast defensively to root enemies and create space mostly until I got a 3 specific boons, more later. Did not really use omegas at all, as I turned off the magick regen card and turned on the vow that removes your magick at the start of each encounter. If I did gain some magick, I would only use it for the omega special to regain some health when it was safe in fights (5 healing if you are near it when it explodes).

Arcana Cards

This is what I used but some may find other ones more to their liking. I will explain my choices below. Be sure to upgrade these to their max potential. The descriptions that I give are referencing their maxed out bonus. I almost exclusively used my charon cards (obol points) to order 8 moon dust in the camp to upgrade faster. Also having 30 grasp is required so be sure to get that maxed out too. Just playing the game should get you there. Gathering bones and completing minor prophecies are helpful in getting more moondust and nightmare faster to upgrade your cards and aspects. I have starred the one's that I think are almost absolutely necessary.
Arcana card choices
I. The Sorceress: Not using omega moves with this build for the most part, mainly chosen to just fill out the top row to awaken the divinity card.
II. The Wayward Son: +2 health (with 50% healing reduction from a vow) is definitely helpful, some much needed passive healing.
* III. The Huntress: +50% attack and special damage when you have less than 100 magick is probably a must have. Especially in my vows set up where I pretty much never have any magick.
IV. Death: Also to just fill out the row for divinity, not really using omega moves.
* V. The Messenger: +10% dodge chance is a lifesaver.
VII. The Titan: More health (and magick) is helpful for the early game before you get any centaur hearts.
* X. The Lovers: 0 damage from bosses for 3 hits is absolutely nuts, this was a whole keepsake in the last game. Attacks that miss you from dodge or daze from Apollo don't count towards a hit as well.
XI. The Swift Runner: Just generally helpful for kiting and running around, especially with increased enemy movement from a vow.
* XII. Eternity: 3 death defiances are absolutely essential probably in any playthrough unless you are a god at not getting hit ever.
* XVIII. Origination: Enemies with 2 curses take +50% damage is fantastic and helps to absolutely shred through them
* XXII. The Champions: 3 chances to reroll boon choices among other things is pretty much a must for run consistency. I would mainly use it on my first Poseidon boon to get the special. Would also use again to try and get slip or blast damage one or legendary from him, also on Hestia to get her cast or the one that allows you to aim the cast (both possible prerequisites for their duo boon, more later).
XXIII. The Artificer: I slept on this one big time at first until I saw someone using it in a 32 heat run on youtube. Change a minor reward into a major one 3 times is fantastic and really helps in the early game. I would use all 3 in the first region for a chance to get a pom, heart, gold, boon, or hammer. I would almost put this one as a must but you do you.
XXIV. Divinity: 20% extra chance to get an epic boon. Activated by the full top row, its just nice to have to possibly get some more benefits out of boons.
Alternatives: Like I mentioned before I only activate I and IV mainly to activate divinity. You could lose them and go for IX Night (automatic charging for your hex) or XVI The Fates (+3 rolls to change location rewards). I feel like hexes are not all that impactiful personally (except for a couple). Also changing location rewards is a toss up, meh. You could also lose XI extra sprint speed to to open up 5 grasp and go for XV Stength (take and deal more damage at low hp), XVII The Boatman (get more gold at the start of the run), or XIX Excellence (higher % for rare boons offered), which all have valid arguments. In hindsight I think giving up those 3 for Stregnth or Excellence might be worth it, might try in future runs.

Oath of the Unseen Vows

Throughout my runs I experimented a lot with the various choices and found that the ones I chose are best for how I play. It is really up to you, this is just how I did it. I mostly messed around with damage taken, enemy spawns, and health, the rest pretty much stayed constant. I originally was using the 9 minute time limit per region for a majority of my runs until I switched aspects (and the 7 minute several times). I eventually decided that I was playing too aggresively to beat the clock and would lose most of, if not all my death defiances by Tartarus/Chronos, or earlier. I did still have decent amount of time to beat Chronos if I got there with the time limit, just the health and death defiance loss was too much. Here is what I went with and explanations for each, I starred the ones I think should be kept on and are relatively easy to deal with.
Vows Used
Vow of Blood (+3): Just don't get hit duh. No but seriously +60% damage to you hurts, a lot. I really wish I did not have to use this, but the alternatives I think are worse. As you play more you'll get better and learn attack patterns and how to kite effectively.
Vow of Dominance (+3): Enemies now have +30% health which is rough, but with no time limit, just take your time in killing enemies off safely.
Vow of Rebuke (+2): Enemies have 2 barriers before they can take damage, not too bad. Makes clearing enemies a bit harder, but with the poseidon boon, you apply two instances of damage with each hit. So only one special shot with the boon will clear the barrier, also the wave the shoots out of them helps to clear barriers of the other enemies.
Vow of Fury (+3): Enemies are 20% faster (and their projectiles too?! I'm pretty sure this is the case, I haven't played without it in a while so I'm not exactly sure). This one took some getting used to, not much I can say except just keep trying. Another +3 makes them 40% faster which I do not recommend. The screaming shades, wolves and their heads, thorny spinny guys in Oceanus, rats, and Chronos are all insane with 40% extra speed.
Vow of Suffering (+2): +100% for the first hit you take in each encounter. Same as Vow of Blood, its rough, wish I could go without it as well.
Vow of Commotion (+3): 60% more foes in encounters (does not affect the boss summons). Had this one a tier or two lower, or not at all, when I was experimenting with the time limit. The AOE from Poseidon definely helps here, just take your time to clear out enemies. It can get pretty bad in tartarus with the bags and skulls everywhere though so just be careful.
Vow of Haunting (+2): Enemies have 50% of spawning a revenant when killed which if left alone long enough will respawn them. These are annoying as hell but not terrible once you get used to it. On death a flaming green skull thing launches out of them and travels a bit of a distance, just run ovecollect them and they are negated, don't need to damage or whatever. Can sometimes be hard to spot if behind a wall or obstacle. Overall not that bad, its not the end of the world if you let them respawn. Definitely though go for the ones that would respawn an enemy that are hard/annoying to deal with ASAP e.g. rat spawning satyrs, wolves, any projectile shooting enemy. Sometimes I feel like rats almost always spawn a revenant which is annoying. I honestly think they should also rework this so that if an enemy respawns it can't have another revenant spawn.
* Vow of Wandering (+3): 25% chance for enemies to be from the next region. Really not that bad at all, just have to deal with some more annoying enemies with larger health pools.
Vow of Scars (+2): Healing is only 50% effective is not that bad. You only get +2 healing passively from the card now and a lot less from fountains and such, goes hand in hand with blood and suffering, you'll get better at not getting hit.
* Vow of Destitution (+2): Charon's shop (and wells) are 80% more expensive. You'll miss out some boons, healing, poms, hearts, etc. but its not awful, you will still gain a good amount of gold to usually buy a boon or something at the end of each region except Oceanus I found. Also with Poseidon in your god pool, he has some boons that can help with getting more gold like minor find doubling up, increased value of minor finds, and sunken treasure.
* Vow of Panic (+1): No more magick at the start of each encounter. In this build you don't really need it anyways so this is a freebie point of fear pretty much. Also if you decide to have the card that regens magick on it pretty much negates it after a little while.
** Vow of Forsaking (+2): This one might actually be beneficial. The two boon options you don't pick will not longer show up in your run. This is why I have the boon rerolls on, so I can guarantee to get Poseidon special on my first boon. Otherwise this helps to increase your chances of getting legendary or duo boons (if you have the prerequisites) since the boon choice pool is lowered after each pick. It is unfortunate though if both prereqs for poseidons legendary are in the given choices and you are out of rolls though.
* Vow of Arrogance (+4): Prime 10 magick for each level of rarity above common that you pick. Again, not using magick hardly in this build so doesn't really matter. Also in lower fear runs I have used this, it does not really matter all that much even when you are using omega moves.
Unused:

• Vow of Bitterness: Replace the first boon reward of each region with an onion (does not affect shop boons or trial of the gods rooms if they are the first ones you encounter). I tried this many times but it really just worsened run consistency. Also w a keepsake equipped after Erebus to guarantee a certain god's boon, that would become an onion if it was the first one I found, and then would not encounter that god again in that region.
• Vow of Desperation: Time limits for regions: 9, 7, then 5 minutes with increased fear for each increase in tier. Like I said, I stopped playing with this so I could play more carefully.
• Vow of Abandon: Negate all your arcana cards. Insane. Tried it once, it is just too much, the arcana cards are absolutely necessary I feel to clear 32 fear.

Boons/Hammers/Keepsakes/Familiar

Poseidon: Equip his keepsake at start, reroll for wave flourish (special) if needed and rarify. Afterwards look for slippery slope then crashing wave ideally. This primes you to get his legendary which gives +150% damage from splash effects to bosses. Other great ones are double up which is nuts that it can possibly double your hearts, gold, and poms you pick up. Ocean's bounty is nice to increase gold. Water fitness is pretty good if you can get 4 water elements to give you +100 health. Flood control is also nice for damage reduction.
Hestia: Equip her keepsake after Erebus if you did not already get her in your god pool (you get up to 4 gods like in Hades I). Ideally you want her both cast and glowing coal, which lets you aim your cast. Either of which in combination with slippery slope gets you access to Poseidon/Hestia duo boon scalding vapor whcih does insane damage over time. I'm not sure if you should prioritize glowing coal over her cast honestly, both have their upsides alone, but you do want both hopefully. With glowing coal so you can aim your cast since you will be fighting from a distance mostly (not always but in how I played this build I did for the most part), which can activate the steam cloud on foes with slip. Hestia cast is less safe and you need to be closer to enemies to get the steam cloud to activate, but it does more damage, continously applying steam on the enemy. Other boons like soot sprint are nice, almost like Athena's dash in the first game. Slow cooker infusion is alright but you may not get many fire elements to increase your base damage power. Flammable coating is great and helps to melt through armored enemies. Burnt offering is pretty nice to increase you health (and magick) pool if you happen to get offered to sacrifice a useless boon.
Other helpful god boons: Pretty much anything that can help apply another curse to enemies. Demeter and Aphrodite are probably the best since theirs are easy to apply without much effort like frigid sprint, gale force, glamour gain, and passion dash. The other gods require secondary boons to get a curse or your attack/special needs to give the curse, you won't really ever be using your attack and your special is reserved for Poseidon.
Hammers: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like I remember in Hades I if you chose a specific hammer you would be locked out of other hammer choices that affect the benefitting move. If the same applies to this game avoid picking a hammer that affects your special for your first hammer if it is not double moonshot, and hope for it on your second hammer. The DPS from Momus staff is still great with spamming special without it (I won my run without it). You could also go ahead and pick up rapid moonfire or shimmering moonshot on your first one because they are pretty powerful too, and I also may be wrong about the hammer exclusion thing.
Keepsakes: So of course Poseidon first, always. Hestia second if you don't get her in your god pool Erebus. Up to you and what you like for Oceanus, maybe choose Demeter or Aphrodite. If I got Hestia I would generally use any one of the following:

• Engraved pin
• Gold Purse
• White Antler
• Crystal Figurine
• Silken Sash
• Aromatic Phial (be sure to pick it up before using the fountain)
• Experimental Hammer
• Transcendent Embryo

Once in the mourning fields I would typically go with the Lion Fang, or possibly one of the above maybe. Lastly in Tartarus I would either use Knuckle Bones (if I felt comfortable with my health and death defiances), Luckier Tooth, or Evil Eye (if Chronos killed me last).
Sidenote: Is Echo bugged? Or is my game just messed up? I was never given the chance to give her a gift so I've never gotten her keepsake :(
Familiar Toula: Sorry Frinos, but Toula is just superior. She gives you an extra death defiance which when upgraded fully gives you 40 health on death. Also upgrading her attack lets her attack more times before she takes a little catnap (cute). She does 99 damage with each strike which is not insignificant. You don't need to go out of your way to sprint over her whenever she is resting to activate her, if she happens to be where you are running it is just some nice extra little bit of DPS. She has actually killed a few bosses for me in my runs lol.

The Winning Run

So all of this information is from finally beating 32 fear. I followed this strategy in my head for the most part. I ended up not getting double moonshot, but did get rapid moonfire. Poseidon offered me both prereqs for his legendary in the same choice without any rerolls left unfortunately, chose slip of course. I did get the duo boon and both of Hestia's cast boons which was nuts. Also I got rare crop right after I got Poseidon's special so it became heroic by the end. I also got offered to sacrifice rare crop after it became heroic by hestia to get more health, and I was then offered it again at epic rarity which increased 3 other of my boons which happened to hit Hestia's cast boons. I did not get any other way to apply another curse other than slip unfortunately as well. Started Tartarus with 2 or 3 death defiances + luckier tooth and beat Chronos on my last life. Overall though, not a perfect run but it still worked. Would have been even more nuts if I got the right hammer, legendary, and another curse effect

TL;DR

Momus Staff good. More special projectiles hammer + Poseidon special + legendary + Poseidon/Hestia duo = nuts DPS. Arcana cards important, vows are tough.

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