Unblocked bang bros

R someone give me rational.
okay, first i should say, i have some ideas why he could be doing this. (Bear with me i will share) typical mind fuckery- control and chaos etc.
While i am aware it could be that simple, things with him tend to be much deeper. So humor me with deeper reasoning and rational. I mean unless it can only be that simple.
Okay the deets -
My ex and i have been falling apart and off and on constantly since the beginning of April. It started with complete block out of the blue (it isn’t but it is but that’s a different story, regardless it wasn’t rational how it was handled) a week later he reached out because someone banged on his window in the middle of the night and with his current state (some paranoia and damage coming to the surface from a possible narc and some gaslighting from a parent) he thought it was me and reached out (first I have a feeling he knew it wasn’t but wanted the excuse and with the paranoia and being undermined he wasn’t confident either) So since about the second week of April it’s been very unstable. Nothing abusive, i have my own trauma from a very abusive narc so things would get very heated but other than the mental exhaustion it isn’t like horrific. Just unstable and it’s hard to get my footing. Anyways, we have kept saying we want to go to couples therapy. But also in the week of no contact said parent mentioned talked him into moving across country. Not necessarily a horrible idea I want what’s best for him even if he’s clear across the country. Through all the back and forth and off and on trying to figure everything out I’ve definitely been blocked and no contact enacted. Finally he comes around before moving at the end of April we had some really good breakthrough (keep in mind apparent paranoia and i can be a lot to deal with as well) he ends up going back to the unstable comes over in the middle of the night (we were suppose to drive out there together later in the week) with one hour doesn’t tell me why, and leaves chaotically - he flew. That afternoon he calls me apologetically and explains and how he regrets how he left, and ultimately he should’ve not gone and should’ve waited and gone with me. We have about a 2 hour conversation about everything, and i do understand both thought processes (going together and just leaving ) of course I’m emotional about it but i get mental health and our own traumas trying to run our lives. He asks to come back and take it day by day and either do the road trip, or stay etc. i should mention we are also best friends - we have invested a lot into one another.
Anyways he flys out the next day, of course the paranoia continues to come and go. (I should explain it feels like a witch hunt at this point that i have some angle to hurt him etc) a couple days goes by and finally he takes off, and i assume he leaves to go back. He blocked me no communication and he told me I was the only reason he was here. Well the next week comes around and i realize he had unblocked me and had the phone off or something because suddenly everything i sent that day (just talking into the void i thought) sends. And the next day. And finally midweek we have couples therapy. (Also he had sent an email saying he wants me out of his life) so i am shocked he goes. Of course it doesn’t go well his paranoia is hooked on the fact i did something unspeakable. He does say he loves me etc and that’s why he wants this. It’s just all over.
Anyways, this “pretend blocking” continues. Why? He does not reach out he says nothing. But at this point i know I can send something and i have an idea of when it will go through because im not actually blocked just no service to his phone vs when i am actually blocked.
He owes me some money, and I need it. I wish I didn’t, I hate that I need it that badly, but I have been explaining this and also he literally gets angry at the idea of me ever assuming he won’t pay me back. It’s like a pet peeve he is always one to be good on those things.
Anyways what the fuck is this game? Like either leave me blocked or, say no. Why is he doing this, and he knows I’m aware what he’s doing.
The part that makes me think it’s more than just some immature game is that, through these past two weeks me being done over everything a couple times has been very upsetting to him, like very very visible. Even in therapy, when I said why the fuck after that email - he was completely shocked and hurt. But I am tired of being told I’m manipulating him or doing something evil. I am just trying to get my money and leave him alone. This is for him to work out and get help etc. I have explained it doesn’t change how I feel but I can’t stay begging or getting upset because those feed into the negative thoughts that I have bad intentions.
Why is he doing this? Rationalize it for me. Heh 😅

okay, first i should say, i have some ideas why he could be doing this. (Bear with me i will share) typical mind fuckery- control and chaos etc.
While i am aware it could be that simple, things with him tend to be much deeper. So humor me with deeper reasoning and rational. I mean unless it can only be that simple.
Okay the deets -
My ex and i have been falling apart and off and on constantly since the beginning of April. It started with complete block out of the blue (it isn’t but it is but that’s a different story, regardless it wasn’t rational how it was handled) a week later he reached out because someone banged on his window in the middle of the night and with his current state (some paranoia and damage coming to the surface from a possible narc and some gaslighting from a parent) he thought it was me and reached out (first I have a feeling he knew it wasn’t but wanted the excuse and with the paranoia and being undermined he wasn’t confident either) So since about the second week of April it’s been very unstable. Nothing abusive, i have my own trauma from a very abusive narc so things would get very heated but other than the mental exhaustion it isn’t like horrific. Just unstable and it’s hard to get my footing. Anyways, we have kept saying we want to go to couples therapy. But also in the week of no contact said parent mentioned talked him into moving across country. Not necessarily a horrible idea I want what’s best for him even if he’s clear across the country. Through all the back and forth and off and on trying to figure everything out I’ve definitely been blocked and no contact enacted. Finally he comes around before moving at the end of April we had some really good breakthrough (keep in mind apparent paranoia and i can be a lot to deal with as well) he ends up going back to the unstable comes over in the middle of the night (we were suppose to drive out there together later in the week) with one hour doesn’t tell me why, and leaves chaotically - he flew. That afternoon he calls me apologetically and explains and how he regrets how he left, and ultimately he should’ve not gone and should’ve waited and gone with me. We have about a 2 hour conversation about everything, and i do understand both thought processes (going together and just leaving ) of course I’m emotional about it but i get mental health and our own traumas trying to run our lives. He asks to come back and take it day by day and either do the road trip, or stay etc. i should mention we are also best friends - we have invested a lot into one another.
Anyways he flys out the next day, of course the paranoia continues to come and go. (I should explain it feels like a witch hunt at this point that i have some angle to hurt him etc) a couple days goes by and finally he takes off, and i assume he leaves to go back. He blocked me no communication and he told me I was the only reason he was here. Well the next week comes around and i realize he had unblocked me and had the phone off or something because suddenly everything i sent that day (just talking into the void i thought) sends. And the next day. And finally midweek we have couples therapy. (Also he had sent an email saying he wants me out of his life) so i am shocked he goes. Of course it doesn’t go well his paranoia is hooked on the fact i did something unspeakable. He does say he loves me etc and that’s why he wants this. It’s just all over.
Anyways, this “pretend blocking” continues. Why? He does not reach out he says nothing. But at this point i know I can send something and i have an idea of when it will go through because im not actually blocked just no service to his phone vs when i am actually blocked.
He owes me some money, and I need it. I wish I didn’t, I hate that I need it that badly, but I have been explaining this and also he literally gets angry at the idea of me ever assuming he won’t pay me back. It’s like a pet peeve he is always one to be good on those things.
Anyways what the fuck is this game? Like either leave me blocked or, say no. Why is he doing this, and he knows I’m aware what he’s doing.
The part that makes me think it’s more than just some immature game is that, through these past two weeks me being done over everything a couple times has been very upsetting to him, like very very visible. Even in therapy, when I said why the fuck after that email - he was completely shocked and hurt. But I am tired of being told I’m manipulating him or doing something evil. I am just trying to get my money and leave him alone. This is for him to work out and get help etc. I have explained it doesn’t change how I feel but I can’t stay begging or getting upset because those feed into the negative thoughts that I have bad intentions.
Why is he doing this? Rationalize it for me. Heh 😅

I'm actually not surprised that Gen Z is having less sex than previous generations.
There are many reasons for this. Financial insecurity for both genders; the rise of freaky movements like Passport bros, incels, redpill men, and supposed experts urging men to insult women as a way to get into their pants turning women off, existential angst (I often see the environment cited) for both genders etc. I've seen women say they hate dating apps because the guys on there do stuff like send dick pics or go "Come over to my house and bang me! What do you mean you're afraid of being murdered since we've never met before?" Then the whole "we want your sex but if you give into us, you're a slut" thing that is so Catch-22.
But I also think that abortion bans are another factor that have made women just step back from dating and/or sex in general. Women already gamble with their lives when it comes to dating. And pregnancy already has a built-in penalty of a chance of death and a virtual certainty of leaving permanent signs behind. Now PRISON and a HIGHER chance of dying are now a possible consequence due to laws?
I think it's telling that a dating app called Bumble recently put up billboards telling women that vows of celibacy aren't the answer.
https://www.newsnationnow.com/us-news/gen-z-isnt-having-sex-reaching-milestones-like-their-parents/
"One of our tried-and-true approaches to younger generations has always been to believe that younger folks are more adventurous in all aspects of life than older generations were.
But a new study from the University of California, Los Angeles has found that this may not be true with Generation Z. They have found that 38% of those in Generation Z in our post-COVID world simply are not having sex or reaching other milestones.
Generation Z is constituted by those who were born between 1997 and 2012.
Although there have several studies — such as Monitoring the Future and YouGov — have suggested that Generation Z are engaging in less sexual activity compared to previous generations such as Baby Boomers, Generation X and Millennials."

made this for my narrative essay in american literature, but one of my friends said i should share the story
“But I Still Need You” Throughout my life, I had always fallen easy for girls. The elementary mindset of, “she’s cute, so I have a crush on her,” prevented me from developing a legitimate relationship with any girl I tried to talk to. The few times that my feelings were reciprocated, I had no idea because I was already on to the next girl, and this continued until I was left with a multitude of friend-zone situations and a list of “crushes.” My charisma already lacking, it seemed each year that passed, previous to 3rd grade, I grew in weight and therefore awkwardness. The struggle to interact with women lessened as I grew up, while the fat remained. So, by the 8th grade I was the ideal guy friend; easy to talk to, kinda funny, understanding, and unintimidating. My approachable “funny fat friend” nature had its ups and downs. While guys, for reasons I still don’t fully understand, suspected me to be gay, girls found it intriguing and it made them want to be friends with me more. Back then I didn’t know, but now I know that by being forced to be friends first, after finding out I was in fact not gay, the right woman for me would want to be with me for my personality. In the winter of 2021, I fell hard for a girl named Madeline. Maddie was no different than many of the other girls in that she had a bland personality and I thought she was cute. She had brunette hair with bangs, big glasses, way too much makeup on, and a unique fashion sense. Her sense of fashion was one of the few interesting things about her, yet it was disregarded by the public. Not too many guys found her appealing, but I did, for whatever reason. I was dead set on getting to know her better in hope of becoming more than friends. Unfortunately, she hardly paid attention to me, but I didn’t give up. I merely slowed down because of my interest in her friend, Isabella. Isabella is the Spanish and Italian variation of Elizabeth (derived from the Hebrew name Elisheba). The meaning of Elishiba can be translated to, “God is my oath.” In Arabic, the beginning of Isabella, “Isa,” is the classical Arabic name for Jesus, while in the French language, the shortened version of Isabella, “Belle,” translates to “beautiful.” I had met Isabella in the sixth grade, and grew a tiny crush on her, in the elementary sense, before we all went into hibernation (COVID). I barely knew her though, and she had no idea who I was, so when we interacted in my last two classes, if we did at all, it was like two strangers who kept running into each other. I sat by her in my sixth period, and one seat up and to the right from her in seventh. We only ever made small talk and the occasional joke, but when I spoke with her I felt content. Still barely knowing her, all I could admire was the little things in the way she laughed and spoke. I longed to know more about Isabella, she was mature, intelligent, and very opinionated, but still light-hearted and made time pass at the speed of light. It wasn’t until she was in my group in sixth period one day that she began to open up a little by sharing the details of her current long-distance relationship. The shards of my heart stabbed and crushed my stomach; hope, the oxygen to my mind, depleted faster than the air of a broken space shuttle; palpitation, nausea, asphyxia, and neurosis bombarded me like Persian arrows on the Greeks. Then, all at once, the excruciating tidal wave evaporated, but instead of calm waters, I was left with a drought. Every emotion muted or gone, my body went numb while everything I cared for vanished from my mind. I didn’t speak throughout the rest of that day, and went directly from the bus to decaying in my bed. I was devastated, so I retreated to my pointless crush on Maddie. Unrelated to the rather sad lovelife, my anxiety and depression worsened throughout 8th grade, and while I was going to therapy, most of my issues wouldn’t and still haven’t been worked through. Throughout the school year I had developed a toxic system of self pity, in which I would spend hours a day cycling through the feelings of hope, anger, and despair- never that of joy. I knew what I was doing, gathering enough hope to face the school day just before I reflected on the doubts and grievances going on throughout my life. I’d bring myself up just for a greater fall because honestly, overtime I became numb to the natural pain. If I were going to fall into the pit that is depression, the higher I peaked in terms of optimism the more excruciating the freefall of nausea and the heavy flow of salt water. At that point in my life, I saw no point in getting out of bed to do anything, school or even my own mother’s birthday. By the end of eighth grade I had spent almost a total of six weeks absent, two of which were from me being quarantined. Typically over the span of one or two days, others up to four, I would be in my bed “sick.” During these mini-vacations I would sleep all morning, if my mom let me, and stay up all night, oftentimes listening to Radiohead or Cigarettes After Sex while staring at my ceiling. I wanted to stay up, I wanted to feel the bags grabbing and pulling towards my cheekbone, I wanted to feel empty, emotionally and physically. During the day, my anxiety attacks became panic attacks and I would get sent home for vomiting. I'd throw up to give Mom a reason to let me stay home. I’d throw up to feel something, anything. I’d throw up to keep my stomach empty. I’d throw up because I had to, because the nerves and overthinking forced me to. Every morning, I’d drag my black air force ones across cement, carpet, tiles, and marble, each step leading towards Mrs. Clements’ homeroom. For every step, a different worry or insecurity flashed through my brain. But then, out of the blue, I’m “Lincoln” again. I walk into homeroom with an ear-to-ear grin and dap up “the boys”. I’d spend the morning building up hopes of making Isabella laugh today, or maybe calling her once I got home, but I knew that nine times out of ten my hopes were delusional. To “Lincoln,” this was no problem, he would make a gay joke, join the boys with teasing a cute girl in my class, and laugh until just for a moment, the despair was gone. Finally, the sixth period would come and I’d get to see Isabella. In here I got the least work done out of all my classes as I would find myself strategically planning my next interaction with her, just for said plans to go out the window when I was brought face to face with her. Typically seventh period followed the same pattern except Ms. Shirley Davis could never allow small talk in her classroom. When the last bell rang, I went straight to the buses. I’d sleep on the way home, dreaming of a call that would hardly happen. On the off chance my phone didn’t reach its feared 11th cry, we’d talk for hours at a time. On a weekday or not, it seemed that, when we did call, it was guaranteed to go into the early morning. It’s hard to put my finger on a specific topic, or even general. In our conversations, we discussed anything and everything. Everything, except her own love interest. I admired this, as my inability to keep who I’m thinking about at the time a secret is a major flaw of mine. The more that me and her spoke, the more I grew to love her. Our talks were so honest, so raw, that the secret I held began to eat away at me. My core collapsing like a dying star, each day it felt like the pain got worse. To cope with the feelings I had buried deep inside me, I’d turn to my friends. At first, they said to come forward with my feelings, but I knew that’s what any friend would’ve said. The relief I got from venting the conflicting hurricane within me was brief. Overtime, their words of encouragement turned to annoyance, and understandably so. When people grew sick of the same old sadistic untold love, I turned to Isabella. I wrote a text so full that, to read it, one needed to tap on an arrow at the bottom right corner of my message. The essay was compiled with the confliction I had, developing feelings for a friend, and the sorrow that filled me each day that passed without her. I described the perfect imperfections that I admired about her, how life was complete when I spoke to her, the beauty that paralyzed me every time I saw her in person, and the character that I felt God had curated specifically for me. Sitting there unsure if I should press send, a fear grew within my chest that Isabella would see right through me. I could hear the music that so often triggered tears; the vocals of Thom Yorke or the beats of Kanye West, they faded in and out. What if she didn’t even respond? What if she thought I was a creep? What if- then she responded. Suddenly, the ominous 808s & Heartbreak pounding vanished, my respiratory chaos became paralyzed, and time stood still. I couldn’t breathe until I finished reading, and once I did, my sigh was all but relieving. Isabella explained to me how unhealthy my habits were; even in comparison to the anguish that would follow, I’d suffer far more and far longer should I suppress my emotions. She told me how that level of affection, in the context of the warped concept of romance most men had, was something she had only dreamt of. Isabella said that holding these feelings would eat away at me, exponentially increasing in severity, until I broke. Not only would I be hurting myself, but I would be depriving the person I care about most from the appreciation they deserve. I became bloated with fear of the friendzone, those insecurities, all based upon inference, became a reality with Isabella’s last piece of advice. She said, “If she doesn’t reciprocate those emotions, then don’t worry. I’m sure there’s a girl out there who can appreciate your compassion.” The blame had no other place to go than my shoulders, after all, I got what I asked for, advice on another girl. Isabella, even if she saw the crush I had on her, is far too kind to address it. She cared for everyone, and to her, she was merely boosting up a friend who’s down. For the rest of the night her text echoed through my mind; pain, regret, and admiration caused my mind to sporadically leap from conclusion to conclusion. Two years later, those words still haunt me, reiterations of that phrase torturing me when I least expect them. The school year progressed, but my aspirations with Isabella didn’t. Over time, the frequency of my writings grew to be weekly, at times reaching two a week, and the weight of my confessions depleted. I opened my audience to a mutual friend of Isabella’s, Miley, with the intention of acquiring useful advice. Eventually, my choice to try concealing what I felt for Isabella became too heavy of a burden, weighing down on me in forces I had not endured before. Soon, the love I had for Isabella turned to hatred for myself. I was relentlessly criticizing every aspect of myself and my mind. I hated how fat I was, my smile, my voice, my laugh, and most of all my personality. What I had thought was my greatest strength, was revealed as my worst trait. The gullibility I exhibited when thinking for a second Isabella could possibly like me; the lack of confidence that caused me to chicken out of confessing my feelings to her; my insufferable need to make people laugh; the hyperfixation I would develop for those that I love. Everything about me was wrong. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped caring, and eventually I stopped living. The “Lincoln” my friends had grown to recognize, the only remnant of the joy I felt when I was younger, died, and I was left with only my love for Isabella and resentment for myself. I began testing the limits of what was left of me, praying for relief. At first in the middle of the night, an anaconda would find its way to my throat, wrapping around my neck. Its cold black scales gracefully gliding across my skin before silencing my cries with the swift tug of its metallic USB head. The snake would maintain pressure until I let go of it, the entire time whispering into my ear, begging me to hold on. Some nights it came with what must have been a full stomach for it was drastically wider, it was brown these nights, with leather skin, and a slight warmth, but it behaved the same. Most visits from the snake ended with my vision blurry, my breath short, or my head dizzy. The only consistency of our transactions was Asia’s Death Lake that streamed down my face from start to finish. Eventually, the snake seemed closer and closer to silencing me forever, but I also became used to its visits. I began writing letters to everyone I loved so that, should the snake come out victorious, they’d have a final goodbye. Once I had sorted out my notes, I called the snake to my room. This time it came striped with shades of blue, its skin a soft fabric. For once, I controlled the snake, because our intentions finally aligned. I locked the door, sent out my texts, placed the written notes on my dresser, and joined the snake at my closet door. Holding onto the doorknob, the snake wrapped itself around my neck just as it had done in nights of the past. It whispered to me, “let go,” for I had been on my knees in hesitation. I followed the snake’s order by making a sort of plank with my body, the bottom half resting on a stack of dirty laundry and pillows while the top was supported by my elbows. Pressure swiftly fell down on my neck and didn’t stop. “This is it,” I thought to myself. My eyes seemed to pop out of my skull, and my tears, falling down like summer rain, became blurry dots as my vision went dark. Next thing I know, I’m waking up, snot, saliva, and tears strung between my face and the carpet floor. My head pounding and my eyes burning, I looked up at the “snake” that was the tie my mom had gotten me for Sunday service. Although my mind was more clear, it was not out of revelation, but from a muted sense of the world around me. Other than Isabella, nothing mattered anymore, and the little emotion I felt was squashed by my immortal love. The following day I get called to the counselors office on charges of suicidal thoughts and self harm. I said what I had to in order to escape her grasp, but left infuriated. Not only had my own friends betrayed me, but the lady who was supposed to guide me essentially scolded me for being sad. Throughout the day my anger faded out and my focus became making an excuse as to why my parents got a weird call from my counselor, then I’d find the traitor who sold me out. That afternoon, I lost two friends, and for the first time ever got mad at Isabella. Apparently, Miley, Maddie, and Isabella all reported me to the counselor that morning. They said I had been traumatizing them with what was going on in my life, being normal and messing around at school, then detailing my thoughts and actions to them outside of school. I felt like I had been tricked. I thought they were my friends. I thought they understood me. They asked me if I was okay, they said they wanted, cared, needed to know, but now I had scared them? I addressed what had happened with Miley first. She immediately lashed out at me, saying I should be thanking them, not be mad. While I didn’t want to accept it, I understood the core of her choices. On the other hand, Maddie’s response to my confrontation was disgustingly cruel. She said I had been unfair and just seeking attention, that no thirteen to fourteen year old should hear about what I was going through because it was unnatural. Before she continued, I apologized, that’s all I could think to do, because deep down I believed her. She told me it wasn’t all my fault because my brain was messed up, and that opening up to the girls would only make them not want to be friends with me. The one word that rang through my head then, and still does today, was “creep,” she claimed that what I felt wasn’t love, but I was just mentally unstable and creepy. Any remnants of the sweet kid from elementary school who just wanted a friend and loved everyone were obliterated. Maddie was right, all I had done was hurt and scare them, it didn’t matter what I thought. I told her all I could, that I didn’t know what to say other than I was sorry for the damage I had done, and I would try and get better. Her response, like a branding iron on my mind, was, “It’s not damage, it’s baggage. Imagine if the roles were reversed.” It was only then that I stopped texting back. I wish I could say it was out of frustration or self respect, but the reality of my manipulative traits is what silenced me. Shockingly, the response that hurt the most was from Isabella, yet it somehow meant the most to me too. Isabella told me that she needed me in the world. She told me that if I ever got those thoughts again, to think about her as well; to think about the pain I’d be causing her; to think about the trauma she’d live with for the rest of her life. After repeating the phrase, “I need you in my life,” she acknowledged how selfish it was, but still didn’t care. Isabella continued elaborating, she didn’t care because no label of selfishness outweighed the value of my life. What she said that night has been vivid in my mind since, but my only wish is that she had needed me as I needed her. Tears began to hide my freckled cheeks as I texted her about how much her words meant to me, how much she meant to me, and I apologized to her. I said sorry for the baggage I caused, the “creepy” behavior, and any other ways I had wronged her. I said sorry for loving her, and told her I’d do better. She disregarded my apologies, telling me that I could always talk to her because no matter the baggage she could carry, it’d be worth taking the smallest bit off of me. Her words meant so much to me, yet hurt me just the same. I hated myself for it. I couldn’t see a life without an affection for her, it was pathetic. If I truly loved her, I’d let my feelings go, right? What kind of person did that make me? Summer came and went. Hoping that time would kill the crush I had on Isabella, I prohibited myself from contacting her. Instead I spent time with my family and a few friends, but Isabella never left my head. Even when accompanying my dad to Berry College for the Governor’s Honors Program, she’s what filled my head. At first I felt frustrated because before I had come forward to her, she had known about the feelings I had. I came to the conclusion that she had been dragging me along, but even then I knew how easily that thought would be abandoned. First day of High school, I got in touch with her. For maybe two weeks, I maintained a platonic relationship before free falling into the ominous pit once again. This time felt different though, it felt like what I had thought about everyday, for what seemed eternity, could be more than a daydream. We texted each other throughout the school day and facetimed after her cheer practice and my band practice. Eventually, Isabella was falling asleep on call. Before, we’d talk long into the night, and it began to drain the energy out of the both of us. Now, we were listening to music, playing Roblox, watching Netflix, or just sitting in silence. I had never felt comfortable with silence, but she made it seem better than having a conversation with anyone else. It’s a beautiful thing when words aren’t required to appreciate someone. The moment I had the courage to do so, I asked her out to Steak n’ Shake. It’s just my luck that the restaurant was hardly a shell of what I remembered as a kid. At first the conversation was awkward because we hardly spoke in person, but as time progressed so did we. I still remember the tightness of my cheeks as I failed to suppress my ear-to-ear grin. The euphoric nausea and beating heart that disappeared throughout our conversation. I remember the booth we sat in, the fact that she wanted me to swap seats with her because of her creaky seat, the way she giggled, how I fought tooth and nail to pay for such a small bill, the way she smiled when she said, “next time you’ve gotta let me pay,” and the shared excitement for our next hangout. Even though Isabella and I were still friends, even though the restaurant was a disaster, even though the fries were stale and the milkshakes chunky, that moment is one of the best in my life. With how well things were going, I thought that it was my best chance at making something more out of this friendship. So, I shot my shot. I told her that despite my efforts the summer before, she still held a special place in my heart. Isabella responded with her own struggles with recovering from a past relationship, detailing the trust issues and pain she still felt almost a year later. I was yet again, devastated. Then she added that despite her own feelings, she had to be careful and the risk of losing our friendship scared her. I understood her reasoning, but it made me sick to think of how close I was. In response, I expressed how I could relate to those feelings, and the conflict I had with them. It felt ridiculous having opened myself up once again, to just be friendzoned. Her response struck me with both hope and devastation, “I f*cking love you a ton Lincoln, but I’m struggling to differentiate my admiration as a friend and as something more. I’m terrified of losing you.” Previously I would have seen this as a sign to keep trying, but at that moment, I couldn’t see past the blatant friendzoning. After pursuing her for so long, it felt cruel of her to continue dragging me along like this, even though she was being honest. My reaction to the straw that broke the camel’s back is one of, if not, the biggest regrets in life. Homecoming was a little over a week away and she was going (as friends) with my buddy, Davis, so in a storm of hatred for myself and the situation I was in, I gave up on her. Our conversations grew to be minimal and far apart. Soon, I started to resent her. Each day since then, I have somehow felt more remorse than the last for not asking her to Homecoming. Homecoming night is when I began flirting with Claire, a sweet redhead from gym class. We connected on not going with the person we had hoped for. All it took was me joking that I should’ve spent more time around her, instead of leaving the dance early, for Claire to lose her mind. Over the next month or so, I was becoming closer and closer with Claire, despite her irritable “quirks”. I only spoke to Isabella if she reached out to me first with the only exception being when I would ask her for “advice” about Claire, which was a shameful habit I started as petty revenge on Isabella. Eventually, Isabella blocked me on Snapchat, but it didn’t matter. Things with me and Claire were going great, she made me feel like I didn’t need to starve myself to be good enough for her. She made me feel like I was enough. For the next two and a half months, life was great. After the first couple months of ignorant bliss, I was sick of her. Sure, there were a variety of reasons to find her annoying, most people I knew could list more than they have fingers and toes, but she didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have gotten into the relationship in the first place not only because of Isabella, but also the speed at which me and Claire started dating. She was still growing out of the elementary relationship phase, so while it was nice to connect with someone so quickly, it was rushed. Another issue being that I was her first real boyfriend, the baggage that followed me was detrimental to her and I couldn’t give her the attention she needed. As me and Claire began our month long drift apart, I was unblocked by Isabella. She and I caught up, and we quickly began to talk trash about Claire while on call. It was unbelievably toxic, and I’m embarrassed of how I handled things to this day. Eventually, with the support of Isabella, I decided it was time to break up. The only issue was the guilt I had in such a terrible choice, I could never do it. So I began to get more distant by the day, ignored texts and calls, and stopped walking her to classes because “I had to pee.” Eventually she caught wind of my plans and called me after school one day. Sobbing, she told me what she had heard and how she knew it wasn’t true, but it still worried her. I began to get ready to break the news, but she was already crying so what's the worst that could happen? I wish I had never asked myself that, because next she told me she’d been cutting herself. My heart sank in remorse for what I knew I would do. If I led her on longer, the aftermath of my cold actions would lead to even more catastrophe. I was scared, but knew the lesser of the two evils I had to pick from. I calmed her down, quickly notified her friends to be keeping an eye on her, and then dumped her. To this day, I am disgusted by my actions. Throughout the past three months, Claire expressed how she had loved and trusted me, yet I threw that all away. There are so many ways I could’ve handled the situation differently, but two stood out the most. Showing respect by speaking to Claire the moment I realized my feelings had fleeted was the bare minimum that I disregarded, but the second was far simpler. I had known from the start that I was still in love with Isabella and that love never faded, but was only suppressed. The entire relationship we developed, while we both enjoyed parts of it (her more than me), was a lie, and essentially a cruel joke played on Claire. There’s no excuse for my actions, and even worse, I could’ve cared less back then. It was only when time had passed that I began to understand the damage I had done. Without Claire holding me back, my newfound freedom led to a closer friendship with Isabella. I dove headfirst into the familiar pit all over again. A friendship was not enough, I appreciated every interaction I had with Isabella, but my life depended on a future with her. It’s likely she felt this as she slowly began to drift away from me. Before I had stayed up speaking to Isabella, but now I couldn’t sleep out of the tormenting absence of her voice. The only path to good health was time; distance was best for the both of us, and I knew it. For the rest of that school year, everything around me was going, but I stood still. It was like my life was just a sitcom, and I was no longer the main character. The summer that followed was just the same, I was living but dead, moving but still, speaking but silent. I was dissociating from my friends and family, but the absence of that violent snake made my depression insignificant. Living a life without her was more punishment than death itself, and I didn’t deserve relief. Even now, I think of that summer and remember almost nothing, for my life isn’t worth remembering without Isabella in it. Sophomore year began, and so did my conversations with Isabella. This go around, I was subtle with my feelings for her. The excitement I had for speaking with her was under control, but it was because the spark inside me had faded, even when it came to Isabella.The years of self pity and depression had left a toll on me that could never be reversed, and it didn’t help that Isabella began to build a relationship with another guy. When we spoke, if we did, Isabella’s concern for my mental state outweighed the friendship we were struggling to preserve. I had come to the conclusion that pursuing Isabella would only make things worse, and I needed to just be her friend. Since I couldn’t lose the feelings I had for her, I just sat in them. While I sat in the pit, Isabella and I had one particular Facetime call in which I brought up how much I regretted dating Claire. To that, Isabella added, “Yeah, she’s so annoying. I can’t remember if you told me why you got together in the first place, what led you to her?” I paused with the thousand-yard stare of an American private fresh out of West Point. “I guess I was just so disappointed with myself for not being able to go to homecoming with you and being stuck on you for so long that I impulsively got with another girl to forget about my shortcomings,” I said with reluctance and stuttering every few words. She told me that she would’ve said yes to homecoming without a second thought, but I knew she meant as friends. Then, to my dismay, Isabella revealed that whenever I got with Claire, she still had feelings for me. It was me talking to Isabella about how great things were with me and Claire that led her to block me and cut contact with me. The piano melody from “No Surprises” by Radiohead began looping through my mind as tears ran down my face. I forget how I ended the call, but once I did, I broke. I lost my breath, my head got light, my eyes became blurry, my stomach was nauseous, and my insides sank as far as they could. Everything I wanted, dreamed of, needed had been so close, and I blew it. Everything was my fault. Later I would ask her why she lost them, and her answer proved how much better she was than me. Isabella answered, “I had been hurt, so I moved on. Just got over it.” We hardly spoke anymore, but one text message has found a permanent home in my mind. After asking me how I was, Isabella wasn’t satisfied with, “it’s complicated.” She asked that I explain it to her so that she could try to understand. I told her about all the issues going on in my life, except the torch I still held for her. She wrote, “I know you’re not religious, so it may not mean anything, but I pray for you every night, Lincoln. Even though it sounds bad, I think that I've known you weren’t in the greatest mental place for a while. I want you to know I'm not judging you, I want you to feel comfortable enough to share that with someone. You have to be able to recognize how you’re feeling in order to even fix it.” These words broke me despite their simplistic appearance. Reading that she prayed for me hit me hard as she had always tried to get me to believe in God again. I’m agnostic, and nothing has come closer to bringing me back to faith as Isabella did. The idea that if God were real and I could see her in heaven was appealing, but should Christianity be the wrong choice, I wanted to be wrong with Isabella. In the following days, Isabella told me about Alex, a guy she had been talking to a lot, and how they were at most a month away from being together. I hated everything about Alex, which is a stupid name in the first place. I hated his choice of friends, I hated how white-washed he was, I hated how he dressed like a conservative cowboy, I hated the underbite that made him look like a pug, I hated his short curly hair, I hated the fact that he was a diehard Trump supporter while people of his race were being oppressed, I hated how he pretended to be someone else when he was around Isabella, I hated how he hid unhealthy habits from her, I hated that a guy like him garnered Isabella’s affection when I couldn’t. I barely knew the guy and I was wasting my energy with hatred for him, when in reality, he was just a mind-numbingly basic douche among the hundreds just like him at our school. Isabella regularly complained about Alex, but hardly did anything. Instead she stopped bringing it up, saying that talking about her issues with others only makes it worse and that she was just wining. The monotone delivery of her reasoning hurt my soul, it was like she was reciting a text from Alex. Each day that passed, I felt the urgency of expressing my feelings one more time rising. Soon Isabella and Alex would be official, and I would lose my chance to try and express how I felt one more time. I reached out to Isabella and asked if she was free to hangout that friday. On November 10, 2023, Isabella picked me up around 5:30 in the evening. She kept the inside of her SUV looking brand new in contrast to the familiarity of her smile. My nerves left me winded after every sentence and shivering in her passenger seat. Quickly our conversation became more natural as I cracked jokes to ease my anxiety, but my shaky breathing never stopped. We went to Publix to grab some snacks and drinks and headed right back to my neighborhood park. At the Grove Point Park, we found a swinging chair to sit in. Due to the time of the year, the sun had already set, but Isabella’s beauty was indifferent under the moonlight. I haven’t the slightest clue how long we sat there together. When I’m with Isabella, even Father Time gives me grace, for he knows that he is as powerless as I am to the frequency of these moments. After a while, I mentioned that it was getting late and she agreed. On the ride back to my place, I mustered the bare minimum of strength it took to confront my feelings. As she drove over the speed bump before entering the roundabout, I began to open up. I briefly told her that I still felt the same way I did two years ago, that I had tried to forget about the feelings I had with no success, and that I was sorry to once again ruin our unstable friendship. She told me it was fine and my feelings were natural, nothing to regret or be ashamed of. Her words meant nothing to me this time because I had already heard them. Defeated, I paused for a moment, then said, “Isabella, you reciprocated my feelings in the past, so after Alex, do you think that maybe we’d have a chance?” She looked at me with pain in her eyes, not for herself, but for me. She quietly said, “I- Lincoln, you know I can’t answer that. I’m with Alex now, it wouldn’t be fair.” All I could get out was, “Oh- I- I’m sorry. Uh yeah no, you’re uh- you’re right.” Everything in me pulled and begged at my lips to say what I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I still look back on that night and wish I had said the few words I never got to tell her. What if saying them could’ve changed something? Realistically, it wouldn’t have, but the regret remains. I doubt Isabella would have even remembered where my word choice stemmed from. Regardless, the words rang in my head then, and never stopped. All I wanted to say at that moment was, “but I still need you.” Today, 1,725 days since I first saw Isabella, 822 days since I first facetimed Isabella, and 178 days since that heartbreakingly beautiful night, I still love her the same. Looking back on my experience with her, I regret many things (oversharing, Claire, the snake, etc.), but the one thing I have never regretted was meeting and loving her. It was only recently that I realized that loving her has been one of the biggest mistakes in my life. For three years, day in and day out, I’ve thought about her. Three years where I could have met other people, worked on myself, enjoyed my friends and family, but instead I’ve loved her and nothing, nobody else. The one lesson that was essential for me to take away from my experience was impossible. In eighth grade I was 5’7 and 215 lbs, today I’m 5’10 and 165 lbs. In eighth grade I spent time with my parents, today I hide in my room. In eighth grade, I told people how I felt, now I’m too scared. In eighth grade, I talked about my depression, now I am left alone to deal with it. In eighth grade, I had many friends, now I rarely speak to them. In eighth grade, I needed Isabella, but the one lesson I should’ve learned never took effect. I still need her.

ISO/WANT:

• Breaking Bad: S2, S3, S4
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MA

• 47 Ronin 4K (iTunes Redeem)
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iTunes OR Vudu ONLY

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Disney/Marvel (All are split codes unless otherwise indicated. Assume there are no points.)

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To look up the expiration date for WB movies, go here:

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Anybody else ever think that ST characters look better with their off-duty hair? Why didn’t they just wear it like that all the time? It couldn’t have actually been because of Star Fleet because the producers just made up what was regulation. Maybe as a throwback to the TOS look? I’m sure everyone is n here has thought about it. I mean, Riker on-duty is really Brooks Bros., but off-duty he’a got these kind of bedhead bangs. Worf ditches the ponytail and lets his curls flow luxuriously over his shoulders. Kira’s off-duty hair is way sexier than what they normally did. They basically gave her Wesley Crusher’s cut. It’s all moussed into a part like she’s Leave It To Beaver’s older brother. Geordi had his Kid ‘n Play on-duty as well as off of course, bad example there. And Picard’s was what it was, nothing he could do, but he did rock those flowing deep V linen shirts. I just think having them be in uniform while on-duty and casual clothes while off would have been enough juxtaposition for the characters. They didn’t need the uptight hair.

Tl;dr- my coworker manipulates me. I'm a giver she takes. How do I unfurl myself from the interactions.?
She (I'll call her "Emily") is in a lower position at work than I, she in a service capacity and I am in a professional office capacity. Emily is AfroAmerican and I am white/asian. I took a liking to Emily from the beginning because she was approachable, bubbly, friendly, and kind. We shared interested in clothing and makeup. Also - humor. With time, I noticed that she seemed to request a lot of things from me either through subtle suggestions to be manipulative. Or, direct requests. Usually the former. I am a giver by nature. With time, I came to realize not only was she a taker but also and this is important, things I was sharing with her do not go undshared. I basically had to glean this from the fact that she tells me things about several of the other people in the office. I was slow to catch on. I realized had likely sharedsomething I had complained about about another service employee. I felt safe in sharing my complaint with her because she had disparaged this fellow employee and also complained about his work. Then like the day after I had shared with her my complaints, I saw her buddying up with him chewing the fat. At this time, I had to take a Stern stock and accounting of my position and realized it could be very dangerous her talking about me to staff. Apparently, she speaks with our second in charge and has told me a great great deal about her personal life and health matters. That's just one example.
So, it is at that time I basically decided to cut her off. A big part of it had to do with the fact that I would share a lot about my you know daily concerns with her on text messaging. She responded to almost none of them. I realize, she has less education than me.. but, she seems to be able to conceptualize and communicate when it's something of importance to her. Ergo, I realized it was pretty much a one-way street. I blocked herself she did something weird and passive aggressive and approached me to see if I would be interested in something and I had to unblock her to make it not an awkward communication moment. And of course, as a result - she realized I had blocked her before that moment. I pretty much haven't really communicated with her except for hello at the office and you know the occasional kind of shared conversation about things that are currently happening at the office that everyone needs to communicate about. But, today - - was different. Perhaps it was my mistake, I cracked open the door again by sending her a text message yesterday because I know she has hip surgery coming up soon and she was gone from work yesterday and I wasn't sure when the surgery was scheduled and I felt badly to not even be in communication at all at a time when she's going to be having major surgery. I guess I kind of feel like, her home life sucks with her husband and son. Her housing life sucks and I've been to her home it's not great. We're just in completely different worlds we come from different class so to speak structures. And I can't see that she's transcended her circumstances from what she came and it's understandable. So she wrote me back and said the surgery wasn't yesterday and said I was a good friend I had offered to help her you know complete her FMLA paperwork if she needed help because she had asked me about it previously and she was really bad at figuring out the details. So, fast forward today she ambushes me, tells me tomorrow is my birthday. I won't have my birthday celebrated by my husband or my son. Her mother I know has passed many years since. She goes on to say how we celebrate office birthdays and no one's ever done that for her and she wishes someone would do it. Then, she goes on to say that she doesn't want a cheesecake or this kind of cake or that kind of cake not a Frozen cake she specifically tells me what kind of goddamn cake she wants. And i, like a moron, fall for it hook line and sinker. I guess, I thought huh well there is truth in what she's saying we don't in include her in celebrations the way we do for a lot of the other staff because she doesn't actually work for our company she works for a service company. Wanting to avoid an awkward situation and wishing to have a peaceful work environment I guess I said I would make sure she got a cake. Thinking to myself, it only cost me a couple bucks for a mix cake and a couple bucks for some frosting. Bada being bad a bang how bad could it be. Then, I think crap what she talking about the way we celebrate the other coworkers? Oh, I realize she means we put streamers and signs balloons whatever on there cubicle. So, I spring into action I get some stuff delivered from the store balloons bowls she had told me she wanted cake and ice cream and she would cry if she didn't get those things. It was just the weirdest effing thing ever. And I just you melted at the idea like oh my God here's someone who doesn't have all these things and she's telling me and I'm feeling bad for her. And, I love doing those things for people. And she knows this. Previously, she tried to get me to have a party this month or next month she she was saying oh gosh we haven't had a party in a while and we should really do something. And I was quick to respond at that time I said great Emily why don't you plan that let me know. This time, I was unprepared and maybe I was vulnerable because I let her in to a little crack in my psyche because I felt a sense of sympathy maybe for her pending medical procedure. All of this is to say, I'm trying to figure out one, how to proceed in the future. Too, what is the psychological dynamic that is going on between she and i. I wish to understand what is it about her and what is it about I that makes this go forward. I'm thinking, mostly, it's because I have a manipulative narcissistic mother. I naturally respond to her manipulations easily because I care for my mother and.. she's my mother! I had realized my sensitivity to the b******* and manipulation and that's kind of why I cut things off with Emily.
So now, I had bought a cake because I was really tired and didn't want to make a cake and I thought hey okay this will be less stressful. Another co-worker, I'll call her ingrid volunteered to help me pay for the cake as she is a sucker like I am to people who need things.
So, how do I get out of this cycle moving forward, should I basically just not talk to this woman anymore except for very Kurt office interactions? Is she worthy of my sympathy? At any level?
She is psycho or she have feelings I mean? There have been times when I have told her a ton about myself and then she completely switches the subject like she didn't hear a single thing I said. Ostensibly, this is narcissistic behavior. She acts passive aggressive towards me. She tries to get me to do things for her I feel like she cracks open the door that's how we became friends in the first place she said she needed help with something and no one else would help her with it and she put in the sympathy statement and voila I ended up at her house helping her install a printer.
I don't know, I feel like such a sucker, and I don't want this behavior to continue but it's really really hard for me to just not interact with someone who has this kind of dynamic. She's she's borderline safe and friendly but then she's borderline scary ass dangerous manipulative gossiping passive aggressive. I'm almost afraid not to do s*** for her like what will she do? I mean she left something on my desk I didn't know who left it but I kind of deduced it was probably her. It was a wall sign you know the chief kind you might get at the dollar store? It's like plastic or ceramic I don't know what but I guess she had to hang on her wall and it shattered. She left on my desk taped together badly with some super glue. Later, she mentions that she had done so and told me I would be doing this for her she didn't really ask she said she knew how much I would like doing that since I loved craft projects.
I do not like fixing s*** for people it's a chore. I do it for the people in my life who I care about that do things for me. I had let it sit on my desk for several days because I was just irritated like, who the f*** do you think I am and why what I want to fix your crap for you? She was rude and passive aggressive with me at the office like wouldn't really greet me. So, that resulted in me taking it and putting in my car so that she would see there was some potential that I might be fixing it. I, have zero interest in fixing it. Also, it's really cheap. Why would anyone want to keep that?
The bigger issue is, of course, her repeated attempts to manipulate me in my sadly susceptibility to these attempts. It's so confusing. On the one hand she seems like such an innocuous person on the other hand she can make me spend a s*** ton of money in a short period of time just by suggesting some things to me. I bought a cake balloons decorations have them delivered all because I thought, "well this is terrible, she can't not have her birthday celebrated she needs to feel fit in and the class ism bothers me we have to try and make everyone feel equal."
Yes it's total bullshit. Yikes help me see reason. Just in writing this, I'm seeing how clear the pattern is: she'll compliment me she'll suck me into conversation, she'll ask for something or subtly suggest something that she needs or wants. Then she demands specifically a greater request than even began originally. I've even wondered if she's just gearing up to scam me in a much bigger way. This could be terrible.
I'm kind of feeling like just irritated about the whole thing to wear, I don't think I want to take the cake in tomorrow. I had bought ice cream bowls spoons you know party supplies. And I just realized, sitting here explaining it to you all: it makes no sense. I'm rewarding her for manipulating me. If I ever expect it to stop, I have to not follow through. With what I have promised or what she has asked me to do.

A little backstory, my wife and I have been together for almost 5 years, we have been married for about 4 of them. We have two kids together and she has two other kids from a different relationship. She has cheated numerous times, and I like an idiot have taken her back every time besides this time.
The first time it happened and she was caught it ultimately led to us separating and her begging me to come back to make it work, which I did, because I love her despite the issues. We started marriage counseling to no avail because she isn’t honest or open with anyone about anything she is doing or is dealing with. About 6 months after reconciling, she ultimately stepped out emotionally on the marriage again, with the same men as before. I caught her because she had two phones at the time and I got on one to find the evidence which it was all there (she changed the codes from her other phone and I was never allowed to touch it which led to my suspicions she was doing it again). The second time I caught her, it ultimately led to us starting the divorce process to which she once again wanted to reconcile and stop the divorce process and everything, which again I did because again, I just wanted her.
Bring me to this last time, she has now been caught two separate times since last February of 2023 sending pictures and texting, arranging meetups and the works. We “separated” if that’s what you call it, we were still in the same house and still sleeping in the same bed, etc. all while she was going out and banging the other guys now because we were “separated” which in all honesty isn’t the issue. The issue is now that she has once again begged me to take her back after going out and screwing a few of the guys that have been reoccurring but has stated that she isn’t going to drop all of them unless I tell her I want to make the marriage work.
How do I proceed? I set my boundary that it won’t work because she can’t even show me an ounce of effort plus it’s a continuous thing of her blocking then unblocking and secretly texting them, now she won’t even stop because she doesn’t know what I want after telling me she made mistakes and won’t make them anymore. It’s an obvious answer I know but I just can’t bring myself to do it. In all fairness as well, I did not do enough to really make it work due to the fact that I knew she was still texting other men the whole time we have been together, so I checked out a few times. Do I need to just leave and get an Anullment or do will it change?

Just got home from the theaters! I loved it, but I did have some issues here and there. My biggest issue is mostly just a greed thing lol, but MAN a movie format is just too quick paced for me when we've gotten ONE HUNDRED episodes previously to see these characters go through what they go through.
I was really wanting the film to slow down, let me sit with the characters for a bit, but obviously there's too much to get through. Not a knock against the film, but GIVE ME GUNDAM SEED JUSTICE AND MAKE IT A 50 EPISODE ANIME DAMNIT!
The shots in the fights are too fast, I barely have a chance to admire the Destiny or whoever kicking ass as it just cuts from angle to angle.
Honestly, after hearing all the hype from Shinn bros, I was expecting more from him. I'm someone who LOVED Shinn from Destiny, and he's kinda sidelined here. Then again, everyone is, as Lacus and Kira are the obvious focus. He really doesn't do much other than support Kira and yearn for his approval. Also, idk why people are saying he's so simple minded, as the scene they're referencing is specifically when he enters his Seed mode, and the Accords can't read his mind cause he's not thinking anything. I didn't take this as Shinn being a simple minded boy, rather the Seed mode acts like a flow state of mind, where you are one with the moment. There is no thinking, only being/acting.
Then again, Kira and Athrun are in their Seed modes and seem to have to deal with the mind reading so maybe it was just Shinn being simple lol. Also loved how Athrun was thinking about banging Cagalli to throw off his enemy lol, it ALMOST made up for them not getting any scenes together. Athrun's reintroduction was kind of random. Why is he allowed to pilot the Infinite Justice (in secret) if there's a treaty? Also, was Cagalli piloting the Strike Rouge when she assisted him remotely? What was that unit covering it?
One thing I disliked about the mind reading thing was the ability to influence others, like they did with Kira in order to make him go after Michael. It seemed kinda random, as they don't really address how they did this nor do they really do it again, even though they try.
I LOVED Lacus in this. That moment where Orphee is considering forcing himself on her shows how BADASS she is. Honestly, she might be more of the main character than Kira. Wasn't a fan of the fanservice shot when she's in the Proud Defender, but I was honestly expecting way worse so that's good. Also some people were complaining about the "sex" scene lol, that was a perfectly cute moment done very well. Honestly, I wished we saw them lying on the beach, like right after the love making, as opposed to standing.
One thing I'm not sure of is making her an Accord... or is she? Her mother and father had this in mind, then why was she engaged to Athrun?? Idk what that was about.
But Agnes... I don't think I liked her character. I'll have to rewatch this a bunch to really solidify my thoughts, but wtf, she's apparently in love with Shinn, throws herself on Kira, runs to Shura (was that a mental manipulation thing?), fights and nearly KILLS Kira, then comes back at the end to be defeated then saved by Luna. I don't see how her character was necessary at all, as her thematic representation of needing love could have been served perfectly fine with Ingrid. Someone help me out here if I'm missing something, but we could have had so much more time given to other characters... LIKE MU AND MURRUE (loved that embrace after the battle).
I'll wrap up with the Mighty Strike Freedom. It was weird seeing Lacus in space in front of the MSF at first, but she knew that defensive barrier would work without hesitation. Absolute badass, and loved seeing her Seed actually activate for the first time. Oh and so cool seeing Athrun pilot the SF. The MSF did it's thing and looked cool doing it lol, not much to say on it. I really liked Kira in this, being really insecure over his relationship and what he thinks he's putting Lacus through (who in turn is insecure over what she thinks she's putting Kira through). I wish they spoke more about this theme, the willingness to fight and to do so together, but they just say "I love you" and I guess they're both okay with one another fighting, as long as it's together.
So yeah, very few issues with the film, the biggest being pacing but that's the movie format for you. Do I like this more than Seed or Destiny? Honestly, can't say that I do just because we get SO much more characterization and emotionally impactful moments in 100 hundreds than we could ever get in two hours, but as a continuation of the story it absolutely does the series justice!
Finally, I wish we saw more from everyone after the battle, but it just kind of ends. The ONLY way this is acceptable is if there's more Gundam Seed on the way. PLEASE BANDAI! Also give me a 1/100 Zeus Silhouette pack along with a bunch of MGs!!
tldr: Loved it, if I had to rank it right now it's a 7.5/10. Seed is a 9 and Destiny is an 8.

Howdy! I am finishing up a 5 week visit here in Medellin, Colombia.
Let me preface this that I am no stranger to living abroad especially in Latino America. I am Mexican American (Arriba Michoacan) I served in Peace Corps Guatemala and I have spent close to 3 years off and on living, working, and traveling through Guatemala and El Salvador.
And I have traveled through various Mexican states in the last year. Chiapas, Tabasco, Jalisco, Michoacan, Guanajuato, Baja California. (Bit of a homecoming for me as I had not visited Mexico in over 20 years doing so solo was surreal!)
I lurk a lot on this sub so I read through a lot of different posts warning nomads to either not come here or be extremely careful.
I am visiting my long distance partner in Medellin. Even with dating a "local" my experiences have been luke warm at best. If it wasnt for her I dont think I would ever visit Medellin. (Fortunately the plan is to visit her family in the coast in December so I wont have to spend much time here)
I speak fluent Spanish and even I have a hard time keeping up with the locals in the barrio where she lives. (Half of what they are saying is all slang) This is not as big of a problem in Medellin proper or some of the tourist areas such as Laureles or El Poblado.
The food while better than Guatemalan food is nothing to write home about. Fortunately for us we found a small stand in la Plaza Minorista that sells all of the ingredients for 99% of Mexican recipes. (locals looked at me like I was insane when I described Tomatillos verdes to them)
Salsa Verde con chicharones de carne is a god send regardless of where you are in the world. (Granted I would recommend not to venture too far into the market. We were looking for used household items and uh we both had a nasty feeling about the areas we were venturing into. Shes lived in Medellin for 8 years now)
Prepackaged tortillas are easy enough to find in most super markets. If you plan to cook I do recommend going to your local market and washing all fruits and vegetables thoroughly. I have had a decent enough experience with the "D1" stores. However even with having a partner that manages one we have found that the one next to our house to be questionable at best. There have been a few incidents where the packaged items we purchased had mold inside or where our lettuce had slugs / maggots.
The food again is nothing to write home about. I have found myself eating maybe a little over half of the things my partner has made and or of the things we have found on the street. You cant go wrong with pollo asado though. (She has eaten every Mexican meal I have made and has loved it!)
The Metro was surprisingly clean as is the bus system. I prefer just to use InDrive everywhere I go. But after a day or two of navigating the Metro and Bus system it is very much doable especially if you dont mind waiting.
I dont care much for El Plobado. Im a big Cigar Aficionado and most lounges there are charging an arm and leg for cigars I have smoked for half the price in Guadalajara, Mexico. American sexpats are annoying and obnoxiously rowdy even while in line in Colombian Customs. On my flight there was a group of about 20 "passport bros" about half had been coming to Medellin for years the other half were newbies tagging along with their more experience friends. The immigration officer giving out the stamps questioned each and everyone of these men. (I flew in a few days after the guy from Ohio was caught with two minors in his hotel room) Each one made it through after 20 minutes of waiting. But I couldnt help but to laugh as none of them spoke any Spanish whatsoever. The officer looked at my passport and let me right through.
In El Poblado as soon as it gets dark the ladies of the night come out in large numbers. As do my large and obnoxious American Counter parts. When I travel I am really low key and tell people I am from Zamora Michoacan. I do my best not to flaunt my wealth and travel with clothes that have been through the ringer. It was mind boggeling to me that alot of these sexpats would do just about everything to show off their wealth / show off they were American. While I dont agree with it I quickly understood why so many "incidents" have happened against tourist like this.
Even the hippies, nomads, eccentric tourist that have made Lago Atitlan in Guatemala their home had more common sense than these guys.
Speaking about safety I felt "relatively" safe. But things can always happen. I took the advice of my partner and traveled light and carried just enough cash for the day when out in about. I always kept my wits about me and if things felt off I just left or went to a more populated street. When I did opt to work in a Cafe or Cigar Lounge I would take an InDrive there and back to the house.
I will be honest and say I felt comfortable enough walking from a Cafe to my partners job as she wrapped up her shift with my laptop in a rundown bag. A good 30 minute walk. I understood the risks and nothing happened. That is life. But something can always go wrong. For instance a cop was shot and killed by armed robbers a good hour after I walked through a relatively "safe" neighborhood.
Safety aside I have had more negative experiences in my time here in Colombia than all my time in Guatemala, El Salvador and Mexico combined. (3-4 years of working and traveling in the region)
I have always been a strong advocate for Latino America. So much so I am hoping to carve a career in the region in the coming years. But it surprisingly took me longer to adapt to the culture here than anywhere else I have lived / visited.
As I mentioned before I live in a Barrio and the Spanish here is all slang. I can barely understand the guy who cuts my hair for instance. Of course it is obvious that I am not from here even as a Mexican American. Fortunately for me no one has tried to charge me the "Gringo Tax" yet. One of the barbers tried charging me 30K pesos for a haircut and beard trim but that dropped down to 18K when he realized I was dating a woman from the barrio.
Some of the negative experiences include:
I went to ask the neighbor if he could move his car as it was blocking our gate and we were expecting a fridge to be delivered. This man yelled his head off demanding to know where I was taught to knock because apparently I had been banging on his door? (I have done outreach for congressional campaigns I know how to politely knock on a door) Funnily enough I told my partner this and she told me to tell him: "que trague mierda."
Speaking about the fridge. Customer service in this country is extremely awful. Something I did not expect. When we went to buy the fridge. (Lowes / Homedepot equivalent) I asked the worker if the fridge we were interested in was physically available in the store. (If it wasnt it would take up to 5 days for them to ship it to us from the manufacturers warehouse) He said "Yes" I confirmed not just once but 5 TIMES with him and he insisted that its physically there and to wait at the loading bay once I had made the purchase. Great! Not only did I make the purchase but I also "hired" a driver to help us take it to the house.
We head down to the loading bay and something is wrong. My partner shouts for me to come back up stairs. The worker tells me that there is a "small problem" the fridge is not in the warehouse and its going to take up to 5 days to get them to ship it to us. I of course was livid. And I corrected him and said "This is not a small mistake. This is a major fuck up for the lack of better words." I had to talk to his supervisor to ensure that it would get to us.
I was livid as the worker not only ensured to me that it was available but because they werent sure when exactly it would get to us. It would be delivered to us between 8am and 4PM sometime over the next few days. Now this meant that I would have to wait in the house instead of exploring the city during the day.
But wait there is more. After 3 days of waiting I had my partner call and ask where was our fridge. I had to cancel some excursions due to the wait and i was personally done. The first time she called the representative basically told her that "she lacked patience as it was the end of day 3" and that they would put in a claim but again she "lacked patience." The next day they gave us a call.
It turns that fridge the worker sold us was not only not physically present at the store, but it had been discontinued months ago. It no longer physically existed in the country. And that store had not updated their system. After 2 hours of a back and forth the store finally admitted they had screwed up and offered to upgrade our fridge and pay the difference. But again it would be an additional 5-7 day wait.
7 days later we finally got our fridge...but I lost 12 days that I would never get back. Not to mentioned all of the food that went to waste as we could not store it.
Any who these are just some examples. There are more but I have opted to block them out.
There is only one place I felt truly comfortable and that is a Mexican Taqueria down in Laureles. Home away from home if you will. (More than happy to name drop if its not against the rules)
Any who before this becomes a bigger tanget the things I like about Medellin:
The Metro and bus system, the views of the city especially at night, Parque Arvi, Parque Explora / Aquario, EL Zoologico, the movie theaters are surprisingly nice, there is an incredible Art Museum in the centro. My partner and I wandered into it as the first floor is a bunch of shops. I dont normally drink but I do found the "raspados" to be refreshing. Comuna 13, Pueblito Paisa, Home made Arepas are wonderful!
Personally, I have no interest in returning to Medellin. But alas the plan is to return for a week in October and for another 5 week stay in December / January to visit my partner. In the following visits we will be visiting Parque Napoles, Guatepe, and her family in Cordoba / Barranquilla.
For Digital Nomads: Medellin was not my vibe. I feel that you can find better experiences in Mexico: Specifically Guadalajara, Jalisco, Morelia Michoacan or in Ciudad de Mexico.
Any who I leave this coming Friday I am open to any recommendations while I am still around or for my next visit.

I have searched for this game for years. It is my first video game of memory, probably the first PC game I ever played. All of the details are based off 25+ year old memories so I may not be remembering it correctly but I'll know when I see it.
Platform/s: PC
Genre: Platformer
Estimated year of release: 1997-2001 (may be earlier)
Graphics/art style: Pixel?
Notable characters: Girl that reminds me of pixel Dora the Explorer (brown/dark hair in a bowl cut with bangs, pink shirt) you may have been able to choose between a boy and girl character.
Notable gameplay mechanics: Running and jumping very similarly to Super Mario Bros (think when you're in the dungeon with bricks jumping on platforms and over gaps/watelava)
Other details: The monsters in the game resembled the Pac-Man ghosts shape but may have only been green but possibly other colors too.

Hey gaybros. My little cousin is getting married and she’s asked me to be the flower boy! It’s an adult only wedding so she’s given me free reign to choose the song and what I do. I’m going to have a mix of flower petals and mini booze bottles to give out while I make my way down a fairly long aisle. I need some song suggestions that both fit a wedding, pump up the crowd, and allows me to be ridiculous. I do have a confetti cannon to shoot at some point so a song with a bang in it would be ideal!
If it helps, my cousin is walking down the aisle to Shania Twain - from this moment.
Thanks bros! All suggestions will be considered!

I met a girl at a pub close to four years ago and we banged three times that night. We immediately became FWBs (my first proper one) and were so for around 3 months. I then met my now girlfriend, we said we'd stay friends, and then just faded away. It probably didn't help my drunk friend blocked her on my Facebook in front of my girlfriend, so the FWB probably just felt used. I unblocked straight after, so as far as she's concerned she was just deleted probably thinking me saying friends was just taking the piss, even if she actually thought we would in the first place and wasn't just being polite.
I'm not really sure what it was, but the whole experience was novel to me. As a bigger dude my whole life, I never really got attention from chicks. I lost 110 pounds and became a chick magnet. Sex was almost too easy to get. So when I had this chick always down it felt amazing. I didn't just hang with her for the sex either, we would watch movies and music videos together, get food delivery, get drunk even on weeknights. Makes you feel like a stud when you're getting calls and messages at 1am for you know what. She had a pretty cool female housemate too, so it felt pretty rad to be a dude hanging out with chicks at their house, drinking, talking about girl issues then going out and partying. We'd even send each other memes, share movie recommendations and just photos of what we were doing in everyday life. When I was with her, I never felt the need to check my phone.
I'm not really sure what it is, but I kind of miss the friendship? As in, I think I'd love to be friends with her or atleast find out what she's been up to and see how she's been, without the sex? Like, I get a lot of people, especially my girlfriend, would find that inappropriate given the circumstances however it's been this nagging feeling for the past 6 months.
I've tried reaching out a few times recently to no avail. I added her on Snapchat when I temporarily made an account when I was bored, no add back. I text her, and she said "who's this?", as if to imply she had deleted my number and all our texts. I text back being stoic saying I was surprised but I respect your decision and to take care, but damn I was hoping for a different outcome. (I didn't mention it was me and I'm unsure if she knows it's me to this day). I'm almost certain she saw me at a shopping centre and was like, 30cm away from me, but she didn't say anything. Perhaps it's because my GF was there.
I don't know what to do. I feel I'm usually the one people ask for life advice and yet I'm stuck here myself. I was so drunk last night and I saw her online in my Facebook Messenger and I was so close to sending something but I didn't. I feel unless I can get over this it'll continue to eat me.
I should also say that while we were FWB I did ask if she had feelings and she said no. I believe that. I didn't either. I felt no compulsion to try and date.
Am I being delusional that I actually cared about her as a friend and not just wanting the sex? If so, why did we hang out and send dumb memes? There wasn't a time I saw her that we didn't have sex, and to be frank I'm not really sure I would have hung out with her if I wasn't getting it either. Yet now I think that I would, but then I think "what would we even talk about?" Or am I being delusional about even that? Did I actually have feelings or feel something was left unresolved? Why am I feeling like this? Why do I want so badly to find out how she's been and what she's been up to? How can I overcome what's now dominating my thoughts?
Thank you in advance. Like shit, I'm even wondering if she ever thinks of me.

I met a girl at a pub close to four years ago and we banged three times that night. We immediately became FWBs (my first proper one) and were so for around 3 months. I then met my now girlfriend, we said we'd stay friends, and then just faded away. It probably didn't help my drunk friend blocked her on my Facebook in front of my girlfriend, so the FWB probably just felt used. I unblocked straight after, so as far as she's concerned she was just deleted probably thinking me saying friends was just taking the piss, even if she actually thought we would in the first place and wasn't just being polite.
I'm not really sure what it was, but the whole experience was novel to me. As a bigger dude my whole life, I never really got attention from chicks. I lost 110 pounds and became a chick magnet. Sex was almost too easy to get. So when I had this chick always down it felt amazing. I didn't just hang with her for the sex either, we would watch movies and music videos together, get food delivery, get drunk even on weeknights. Makes you feel like a stud when you're getting calls and messages at 1am for you know what. She had a pretty cool female housemate too, so it felt pretty rad to be a dude hanging out with chicks at their house, drinking, talking about girl issues then going out and partying. We'd even send each other memes, share movie recommendations and just photos of what we were doing in everyday life. When I was with her, I never felt the need to check my phone.
I'm not really sure what it is, but I kind of miss the friendship? As in, I think I'd love to be friends with her or atleast find out what she's been up to and see how she's been, without the sex? Like, I get a lot of people, especially my girlfriend, would find that inappropriate given the circumstances however it's been this nagging feeling for the past 6 months.
I've tried reaching out a few times recently to no avail. I added her on Snapchat when I temporarily made an account when I was bored, no add back. I text her, and she said "who's this?", as if to imply she had deleted my number and all our texts. I text back being stoic saying I was surprised but I respect your decision and to take care, but damn I was hoping for a different outcome. (I didn't mention it was me and I'm unsure if she knows it's me to this day). I'm almost certain she saw me at a shopping centre and was like, 30cm away from me, but she didn't say anything. Perhaps it's because my GF was there.
I don't know what to do. I feel I'm usually the one people ask for life advice and yet I'm stuck here myself. I was so drunk last night and I saw her online in my Facebook Messenger and I was so close to sending something but I didn't. I feel unless I can get over this it'll continue to eat me.
I should also say that while we were FWB I did ask if she had feelings and she said no. I believe that. I didn't either. I felt no compulsion to try and date.
Am I being delusional that I actually cared about her as a friend and not just wanting the sex? If so, why did we hang out and send dumb memes? There wasn't a time I saw her that we didn't have sex, and to be frank I'm not really sure I would have hung out with her if I wasn't getting it either. Yet now I think that I would, but then I think "what would we even talk about?" Or am I being delusional about even that? Did I actually have feelings or feel something was left unresolved? Why am I feeling like this? Why do I want so badly to find out how she's been and what she's been up to? How can I overcome what's now dominating my thoughts?
Thank you in advance. Like shit, I'm even wondering if she ever thinks of me.

He moved from Michigan in 10th grade. We were friends, but I never really had any romantic feelings for him. I'm not sure if he liked me or had a crush on me back then, but dating wasn't allowed for me, so it never crossed my mind.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college in 2015, and I randomly bumped into him on campus. I had no idea he was also attending the same university. Since it was our first year, we didn't have many friends, so we ended up hanging out a lot—grabbing food on campus, going for walks, that sort of thing. It seemed like he was trying to tell me he had a crush on me and found me cute, but I was more focused on experiencing college life without any high school baggage.
By senior year of college, I hadn't seen him since freshman year, and honestly, I had forgotten about him. Then, I accidentally poked him or sent him a notification on Facebook, which prompted him to message me. At that time, I was more interested in my future career than anything else. When he started asking personal questions, I told him to stop, which seemed to upset him. Looking back, I think that might have been the first time I unintentionally rejected him.
After feeling bad about it, I did some research and found out he's a good guy. So, during the second semester of senior year, we started chatting again. However, there was still some jealousy and nervousness between us. I was still more focused on my career aspirations than anything romantic.
Then COVID hit. I was interested in him again and tried to talk to him, but for some reason, I found myself saying I found another guy cute at work. He didn't respond, just left me on read. I got annoyed and let it go.
About a year later, in the summer of 2021, he asked mutual friends about me, which annoyed me. I messaged him asking him to why is he asking around if he wanted to talk to me. He blocked me within seconds, (probably out of nervousness). He later unblocked me a yr later, and didn't accept my friend until last year. Then, on March 31st this yr, I requested to follow him on Instagram, which he accepted! I guess tht lowkey gassed me up and i dmd him saying something like "i didnt know we would be frirnds" and then double texted saying something like "please dont hate me and stuff". but he left my DM on read. He only has lik 130 followers and following, both equal lol. He follows freinds from highschool and college and grad school orgs. Mostly bros haha
Now, back to my question: why did he mute my stories? He used to watch them all the time, but suddenly stopped. He is in my close friends too. I know he mute me because I saw him like another post. What do you think?

Want List:

• Pokemon Crystal
• Pokemon FireRed
• Open to any other Pokemon related offers :)

3DS	Completeness	Price (in CAD/USD)
Pokémon Rumble Blast	Loose	$15 / $11
Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon	Loose	$30 / $22
Pokémon Ranger: Shadows of Almia	Loose	$40 / $28
Super Mario Maker 3DS	Loose	$12 / $8
Super Smash Bros 3DS (2x)	Loose	$14 / $10
Mario Kart 7	Loose	$15 / $11
Zelda: A Link Between World's	Loose	$24 / $18
Zelda Triforce Heroes	Loose	$23 / $17
Skylander's Spyro's Adventure	Box, Game, Manual	$12 / $8
DS	Completeness	Price (in CAD/USD)
Pokemon Black	CIB	$140/$105 SHIPPED
Pokemon Heart Gold (FRENCH VERSION)	Loose	$170/$125 SHIPPED
Mario Kart DS	Loose	$20 / $14
Zelda: Phantom Hourglass	Loose	$30 / $22
Mario and Luigi: Partner's In Time	Loose	$52 / $38
Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympics	Loose	$10 / $7
Mario and DK: Mini Land Mayhem	Loose	$10 / $7
Carnival Games	CIB	$8 / $6
New Super Mario Bros	CIB	$28 / $20
Mario Party DS	Game and Case	$22 / $16
Wedding Dash	CIB	$25 / $20
The Legendary Starfy	Game, Case, Inserts (No Manual)	$25 / $20
Smart Boy's Winter Wonderland	CIB	$10 / $7
Brain Quest Ages 5 & 6	CIB	$5 / $3
Nintendogs: Dalmatian and Friends	Case and Game	$10 / $7
Petz Dogz 2	Case and Game	$5 / $3
Petz Catz 2	Loose	$5 / $3
Spongebob and Nicktoons: Globs of Doom	Case and Game	$8 / $5
Spongebob and Nicktoons: Globs of Doom	Loose	$5 / $3
Purr Pals	Case and Game	$10 / $7
Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots	Case and Game	$5 / $3
Naruto: Path of the Ninja 2	Case and Game	$27 / $20
Lego Batman: The Video Game	CIB	$5 / $3
Kung Fu Panda: Legendary Warrior	CIB	$5 / 3
Ratatouille	CIB	$10 / $7
New Zealand Story: Revolution	CIB	$20 / $14
Baby Pals	CIB	$5 / $3
Big Bang Mini	Case and Game	$12 / $8
Kirby Mass Attack	Loose	$20 / $14
Ben 10 Alien Force (2x)	Loose	$5 / $3
Megaman ZX	Loose	$12 / $8
Tak Mojo Mistake	Loose	$5 / $3
Crash of the Titans	Loose	$12 / $8
Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon	Loose	$16 / $12
Kung Fu Panda	Loose	$5 / $3
Spore DS	Loose	$8 / $5
Sonic Rush	Loose	$19 / $13
Winx: Quest for the Codex	Loose	$27 / $20
Brain Age	Loose	$5 / $3
Totally Spies 2	Loose	$23 / $17
Drawn to Life: Spongebob	Loose	$8 / $5
Bakugan DS	Loose	$8 / $5
Beyblade Metal Masters	Loose	$10 / $7
Brain Age 2	Loose	$4 / $2
GBA	Completeness	Price (in CAD/USD)
Mario Party Advance	Loose	$20 / $14
Kirby & The Amazing Mirror	Loose (slight label damage)	$35 / $25
Dragonball Z Collectible Card Game	Loose	$10 / $6
Tang Tang	Loose	$5 / $3
Yoshi's Island + Super Mario Advance 3	Loose	$25 / $20
Millipede / Super Breakout / Lunar Lander	Loose	$5 / $3
Consoles	Condition	Price
DSi (Black)	Screens - Wear on the bottom from Touch Screen; Body - Great Condition	$42 / $30
Miscellaneous	Condition	Price (in CAD/USD)
3DS Augmented Reality Cards 1-6	Excellent	$20 / $14