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Listen to song while reading !! Mineve-souvenir
You know that feeling when you can sit by someone for an hour in complete silence and feel something so deep that you can’t explain ….when you watch the night sky and think wow this world is beautiful and you feel so lucky to be alive…when you hike up a mountain raise your arms close your eyes and feel the wind in your hair but also feel free…that complete feeling when someone holds you while you sleep…the happiness you feel when you hear children laughing and waves at the beach…or when you space out looking at the clouds in admiration…do you ever walk down the street with headphones on and feel so unimportant but yet feel so amazing Because they don’t feel what you feel… you know that feeling of enchantment or wonder coming in waves around you…you know that feeling when you leave your friends you head home alone and on your drive you listen to slow music and you feel so damn alone… you have so much love to give but no one to give it to… you want to run and hold someone … you want to kiss them like tonight’s your last night alive ….when you can stare and talk to someone for hours… that love you feel when you rest your head on their shoulder….when you hold hands in bed and looking at the ceiling without saying a thing …and long hugs gosh I love hugs….when they hold your face and tell you everything’s gonna be okay…we all feel alone some nights and that’s okay … we have to seek within ourselves

A/N: This incorporates a new build, with additional drawbacks and perks. I added a few gamer functions, as well as Lightning Quick, Brute Strength, DPS, and Rogue. More details are available over on Spacebattles (I also edited the original chapters there to reflect the changes).
Within minutes of entering the building and clocking in, I'm speedily typing away at my computer. There are stacks of papers on my desk that I am dedicatedly transcribing and digitizing.
This is my job, at least on most days. I have to take sheets of paper, invariably assorted forms related to insurance, and digitize them. In minutes I have already done this to a few different types of forms, from applications to the paperwork regarding claims and investigations into claims. "Speed Typist" mixed with "Lightning Quick" allows me to easily breeze through even dense forms and shift between the programs I need to use for each type of form. My job is hilariously, almost offensively, easy and I have already heard that we have a backlog so I have plenty of stuff to go through.
As I type I begin to think about each of my gamer perks as well as my system. Every few minutes I'll "mistype" thanks to "Buggy" and I'll spend a split second going back and fixing my mistake but between "The Devil's Own Luck" and "Lightning Quick" I'm able to fix my mistakes in a span of milliseconds. While I type I use "Observe" every instance I can, throwing in a tiny burst to the overall amount of experience I gain.
I use my enhanced mind's passive ability to follow two trains of thought while I work. As far as anyone can tell I'm diligently doing my job, but in actuality I'm exploring my system. Through passive, almost imperceptible gestures, mostly due to how fast they are, I am messing around with my rather system.
I whittle away the hours I need to spend at my job doing this. During this time I get a few of my skills to level up a few times, thanks to my decision to faithfully and diligently hone some of my other abilities like "Observe". Eventually lunch rolls around and Amy sneaks up behind me so she can surprise me and draw me away from my work. I feign surprise when she reaches me up and taps on my shoulder, and this is a perfect chance for me to try something out.
I make small talk and I silently activate my ability to pause reality while I'm in the middle of a sentence. The world freezes around me and I get to see Amy freeze as she reacts to what I'm saying. I have a reason for doing this, it's all for the sake of experimenting with some of my more intriguing abilities.
I focus on Amy even as I interact with my system's UI and I activate my "Gacha" mechanic. In my mind's eye I can see a logo representing a capsule machine beginning to stir to life and spin some of the capsules containing various awards, and I think about two enormously powerful perks: "The Face" and "Silver Tongue".
These two charisma enhancing perks are incredibly valuable tools in my repertoire and I have yet to meaningfully use them. One of them, "Silver Tongue" is not as directly powerful as "The Face" but it offers me broad knowledge of psychology, enhances my charismatic intuition, and makes me incredibly attractive. The real powerhouse of a perk is "The Face". By focusing on people and thinking of something I want them to believe or persuade them to do I have a supernatural intuitive sense that allows me to know the best sort of argument I could make to achieve that goal. To test this I study Amy while wondering if there's any way for me to convince her to go on a date with me, and after a split second of thinking I begin to feel vague intuitive senses of what I could say and do that would make her see me as a potential romantic interest, and I know that doing that before I ask her out would guarantee success if I wanted her to go on a date with me.
I immediately shift tactics and try to see if I could persuade her to give me 100,000 dollars, and I am unsurprised when I do not gain any vague sensations about how to make that happen one way or another. "Worth a shot..." I tell myself, and if I could smile more I would. Both of these perks are strong, but I'm clever enough to recognize that they become even stronger when I add "Beautiful Mind" and "Well of Wisdom" to the mix. WoW is especially handy in a combination like this, since it allows me to pick and choose the most efficient route to my desired outcome. This is especially true if I mix it with my ability to pause time, since I can give myself breathing room and contemplate how to most skillfully word my arguments and present my positions.
The gacha machine, or some abstraction of one, in my head slows to a stop. When it does a symbol of a capsule pops out and I am delighted to see that I've won a mundane iPad like device, a handy thing I can use as a computer for the time being! This is quite handy, and I can see this particular mechanic becoming something life-saving in a moment of desperation with the right amount of luck. The decide immediately fills a slot in my inventory, and I make a mental note to pull it out and use it later.
I unpause time and over the course of the next few minutes I use my skills, mixing all of the aforementioned perks and functions of my gamer skills as Amy and I walk over to the cafeteria. It is only when we're sitting through the door into the cafeteria that I sense an opportunity to ask my friend something.
"Hey, do you want to try a soup I made? I like it but having a second opinion is always good." I remark, causing her eyes to brightly light up. I grin at her and we walk over to the same table we ate at yesterday. I hand her the small container I'm holding my soup in, and she looks at it. I see her inhale and watch as her eyes light up. We're the first of the people to arrive at our table so no one else sees this. The container I gave her also has some silverware which she uses to go ahead and take a sip of the soup. I am delighted when time freezes and I get a notification alerting me to the acquisition of a new class: that of a chef. I immediately equip it even as I click through the drawback that appears before me. This also confirms that at least in some cases what is needed for me to get a class is for me to do stuff in front of others or at least involve them in some way.
As time resumes I see Amy's face light up.
"This is delicious!" She states with a delighted and sincere grin. I light up as she tells me this and I lightly cheer. This is excellent news, and my acquisition of this class is very fascinating. When it comes to classes I have a unique ability to get them to "Prestige" once they reach a high enough level, and given my current build's focus on support, buffing, and healing, if I can master a class like that of a chef I can do a lot.
"I'm so happy you like it!" I exclaim, sincerely. It really does taste quite good, but my whole body is enhanced and I'm superhumanly sensitive to things like taste so there's no guarantee that what I taste will be what others taste. That said, cooking is an absolutely incredible skill so if I can master it... Well, I'll always be able to prove my worth in almost any situation involving other people. Cooking... is a cracked skill to have in real life.
Our friends join us and as they do Amy turns to them and hands one of the women the container. Mary looks at us quizzically and Amy pantomimes for her friend to try the soup. Mary's look of confusion only becomes more apparent, but she still dutifully does as she's been asked, using her own silverware to do so. Her eyes light up as well and I feel how much experience I have as a cook slowly increase, which brings a smug smile to my face.
"This is delicious! What is this?!" Mary asks, and I grin and point at me. She smiles, impressed, before handing it back to me.
"I made this soup last night. I liked it but I didn't know if I was going crazy or not." I remark, and that gets a laugh out of Amy.
"Well, if working at an office ever gets boring you could make a living as a chef. This is amazing!" She states, and I can hear the honesty in her voice. It's kind of nice how much she likes the stuff, and a part of me wouldn't mind making more food for her if she's gonna be this enthusiastic about what I give her to eat.
It's hard not for me not to beam at my companions in passive delight the whole time we're eating lunch. The lunchroom conversation is kept simple and we simply inform each other about upcoming plans and light gossip, all of which I've heard before thanks to my enhanced, and growing, senses. Super Sensory is a strong enough perk by default but because of my ability to expand every facet of myself, coupled with the universality of "Master of All" I am just passively growing in my ability to hear stuff. Seeing as I am uncapped I could see myself someday hearing every conversation in this building, almost certainly by the end of the year given how all of my growth is linked together and builds on each other.
Lunch comes and goes in a blur and in minutes I'm back in front of the computer. In front of the computer I'm a blur, my fingers strengthened by Lightning Quick and Speed Typist. I whittle away the hours diligently doing my job, distracting myself and minorly doing other things by making use of my dual trains of thought, and even when I overcome instances of "Buggy" every few minutes I still find myself grateful that I took the drawbacks I did. This work would be... less than fun otherwise. By the time my workday comes to an end and I find myself outside of the office I've filled out hundreds of forms and diligently pushed various skills of mine to new levels. Colleagues of mine are walking around me and also leaving the office. I casually pause time. making use of my pause ability again, and I begin to think of what to do and where to go next.
"I suppose now's as good a time as any to go and see about volunteering..." I eventually realize as I think about the various things I can do from here. I momentarily wonder where I should go to try and do that before I remember what I told Amy and the others yesterday about how I volunteered at a clinic. WIth Healer volunteering at a hospital would be good for me, even if I couldn't do as much good as I'd like too since I am not a doctor. I unpause time and smile as I reach into my pocket, use "Inventory" and retrieve my cellphone.
"Where is the nearest hospital?" I ask aloud, into the phone. Some of the people walking past me glance at me curiously and I smile sheepishly as my phone begins to tell me where to go. I begin to walk in the direction the phone indicates, happy to have a chance to begin to do some good.
The walk isn't terribly long. It turns out that the hospital is in a part of downtown that I didn't explore last night, and I reach it less than five minutes after I start walking, just in the opposite direction of where I was going before. The hospital isn't huge, which surprises me since I don't seem to be living in some small town but in a decently sized city. I walk into the main entrance and step into a large lobby where a decent amount of foot traffic seems to happen, judging from the footprints I can faintly see on the floor beneath me. I walk up to a receptionist desk and the man behind it doesn't bother looking up and instead taps the clipboard in front of him. I glance at it and laugh when I see that it's a standard questionnaire for people who are visiting a hospital for normal, health-related reasons. My reaction surprises the man, and to be fair it's definitely odd for someone in a hospital to laugh at the sight of a hospital questionnaire.
I am laughing at the questionnaire because it's amusing to think about the possibility of getting sick, I'm a gamer, and while normally that'd conjure images of nerds and geeks in my case it means that my health is protected. I have two very powerful perks/features that wildly mitigate the dangers of sicknesses: "Tough As Nails" which guarantees that it'd take something supernatural or almost supernatural to stand a chance of even slowing me down, and "Gamer Body". Gamer Body is interesting in this context since it gamifies negative conditions and allows me to, quite literally, sleep them off. Even something like losing a limb can be cured with a night of sleep thanks to my abilities which feels radically overpowered given how little it cost. I have other perks which further lower my odds of being negatively affected by sicknesses, such as "The Devil's Own Luck". I also have my magic, which includes spells that completely heal and purify the body, and would work on me just as readily as they'd work on other people.
"I'm actually here to learn how to volunteer? I'm new in town and I used to volunteer at a clinic in my home town so I wanted to see if I could volunteer here." I explain, which causes the guy to look up at me. When he does his eyes widen, and I smile awkwardly. I consider feigning ignorance, or perhaps innocence, but I know what's going on. He wasn't expecting me to look the way I look.
My new looks are something it is taking me a beat to get used to. I was only okay looking before, but now my looks are hyper idealized, and I am a conceptually handsome version of the very best I could have ever looked, and it is a bit jarring. It's more jarring for me, knowing that before I was an at best average-looking guy before coming to this world and gaining this new form. I allow the man a beat, before I clear my throat and the sound snaps him out of the daze he was in.
"Oh! Sorry, man, I just assumed you were sick. Umm... Yeah, let me give you a packet." The man says, before reaching under the desk in front of him. I smile lightly as he rummages around the interior of the space that separates us.
My powerful senses allow me to easily notice all sorts of stuff occurring around me. I can hear the vital processes in the bodies of the people closest to me, such as heartbeats and the smells of sweat, as well as other bodily fluids. Many of the people in this area of the hospital are sick, and truthfully if I could I'd heal them all.
One of my reasons for coming here today is to give myself a means by which I can help and heal people. This is, mildly, altruistic but more than anything else I want to master the power to heal people before I leave this setting. In the right setting, being a healer is absolutely a pivotal method of interacting with my environment and also getting allies, as well as staying alive.
The man eventually hands me a packet, along with a pen to use to fill out parts of it, and I smile at him as I take it. It is filled with information, including an application to fill out, and I thank him as I walk over to the waiting area and begin to fill it out. The questions are simple and ask for basic information about me. I fill it out, though a part of me is curious how this'll mesh with my drawbacks...
When I finish filling out the form I hand it to the man and he gratefully takes it. He explains that I'll be contacted by someone named "Ms. Jimenez" soon, and that she oversees the volunteer program. I delightedly thank him for that information and begin to head out of the hospital.
In minutes I'm part of the way home. I am a decently fast walker, though that's something I'd like to work on more in the days to come. The sun is quickly descending, and the moon is already visible in the night sky. I'm approaching the row of apartment buildings that include the building I live in. As I draw nearer and nearer to it I spot a lone homeless man sleeping next to one of the apartments. He is clearly asleep and my observation ability only confirms this. It also reveals that the man is sick, and when I glance at his hit points I see further confirmation of that, as he's down a few of them. I am walking towards him, and as I move I see a nice opportunity for me to try something.
I silently activate "Rogue", one of my more odd perks, and I feel my presence become much more subdued and difficult to notice. I approach the man, and I shut my eyes. As I walk towards him I allow myself to be guided by Super Sensory and only stop when I'm right in front of the man. I kneel and I focus on my spellbook icon, allowing me to see my list of spells. My senses allow me to be confident that the figure is still asleep when I gently move my hands so that they are in front of him. Time freezes as I gain a "Stealth" skill, and while time is frozen I swap my class and become a mage so I can gain valuable experience before I deactivate "Tutorial Sprite". I allow time to resume and smile as I trigger a spell for the first time, one of healing.
For me to activate the spell requires nothing more than for me to have enough magic points and an applicable target. This particular spell is my more advanced spell and it can work on all sorts of living targets. It is named "Intermediate heal" and the fact that I have it is a sign of one of my purchases; Healer. I feel my points of arcane energy be converted into sacred, restorative energy and I open my eyes in time to watch my hands begin to glow as energy leaves me and enters him. I look at his hit points and watch them begin to slowly increase even as I hit him with another instance of "Observe". I do so just in time to feel time freeze as new notifications appear in my mind's eye. One of the first notifications is that I have just earned experience for the "Mage" class, which becomes experience for everything thanks to Master of All, while another indicates that I've just unlocked a quest to become a healer! I study these notifications with a proud grin as this marks an important milestone in my journey. The fact that the class I want is locked behind a quest is interesting and I make a mental note to study the quest as I head home.
I unfreeze time, notice that the man is already visibly healthier, and turn to make my way back to my new home. It takes only about six minutes before I find myself stepping into my apartment. Now I can play with my new toy from earlier!

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Hey everyone, I’ve got a situation where I’m really not sure what to do and I wanted to ask anyone that was willing to listen on their opinions and advice. I would appreciate it a lot.
Current Situation

• Living in a 3B2B, with a room-mate that watches shows and has friends over consistently until like 4 am, and we have very thin walls, and I’m a very light sleeper, so I lose my sanity trying to sleep
  
• When I go back in September they will be there, and I am dreading it, and my mental health
  
• I’ve communicated in every way about this to them, maturely, kindly, but also sternly when I’ve gotten upset about it, in person, and over text - each time they sound and seem understanding, and say they’ll turn it down or stop, but they don’t
  
• I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve accepted they just do not have the social cues or ability to comprehend how damaging it is to me, or they really just don’t care and put on an act
  

Potential Solution

• I have a lease option, I have to decide by TOMORROW if I take it or not
  
• It is $300/month more, which is a really meaningful amount to me
  
• It is still with 2 other random room mates, so I will have no idea how they are
  

Best Case Scenario: new room mates are understanding of me wanting to sleep by midnight, and I sleep peacefully every night
Worst Case Scenario (and very likely): Room mates are not understanding, and the same/worse, and now I am also down $300/month more
I do not know if I take this gamble. I know I will be miserable if I stay, but I could end up being more miserable and more broke. I know someone might suggest I room with friends, but no one I’m friends with is currently looking for housing, and with this being a fall term, I know how brutal it will be finding housing… don’t want to risk waiting. Also someone might suggest ways of me coping with loudness and sleeping through it, I’ve also tried everything I could ever and it did not work, I have searched and done everything to try to remedy this.
Extension
I also have one odd option that involves a very risky idea. I could get this lease, and keep my old one, and live in the new one, while I do NOT sublet out the old one. I would then try living in the new one for a few weeks (i.e. first 2 weeks of September), and if it’s no better, I go back to my old place and then sublet out the more expensive place. I would lose like half a month of rent (assuming I can find a sublet). The only concern in question with this is that I’m not sure if someone will be looking for housing that late into the term. It’s RezOne so it’s very expensive and that might not work out and then I don’t even have a sublet. Not sure.
I wish I could’ve found a 1B1B and I’d be happy with that even with how much more expensive they are, but I don’t want to wait and risk losing this chance of a new housing when it’s hard to find for fall.
I think I’m panicking a lot and coming up with stupid ideas. I could really use any help and ideas. If I’m talking crazy and my ideas are just absurd just let me know. Thank you all.

For context, I (F22) was on Boo to make friends (on friends mode, not dating mode) as I am an international student in Perth. About 2 weeks ago, I matched with a (China)Chinese guy (M32) who claimed to have been living in Sydney for almost a decade after graduating from university there. The starting conversation was very normal, nothing out of the usual. After chatting for a day, he suggested moving over to Whatsapp and asked for my number. I was alert at that point and asked: "How would I know if you weren't going to scam me? Why don't you give me your number instead?" To which, he did. So we moved over to Whatsapp to chat.
FYI, Mandarin is not my first language – it's my mother tongue, so I'm not as fluent. He mentioned that he can understand English, but his understanding is limited for some words and the context the words are being used in. Completely understandable, that's how Mandarin is to me. As he's more comfortable in Mandarin, he asked to practice my Mandarin with him – no red flags yet.
The conversation flowed normally, not much flirting, just getting to know one another. Hobbies, plans for the future, differences between Perth and Sydney. He claims that he works in real estate development, and only goes into the office once a week (sounds too good to be true but okay). Said he studied foreign economics and trade, then an MBA in university. Again, nothing crazy or alarming.
It's now the 3rd day, I decide to sus this guy out, and ask why's he still single at age 32 since typically for Chinese, parents would chase their children to get married. He says his parents did chase him to get married, but can't do anything since he's in Sydney, and that he prefers to meet a partner in a natural way than an arranged marriage. That's when he starts flirting a bit – "the biggest takeaway from Boo is you." Then, we chatted about hobbies, etc.
I asked, "if you could turn back time, what would you change?" Him: "I wouldn't change much but if I could turn back time I would purchase all the bitcoin on the market back then and sell it now" Me: "I've been interested in crypto but never had the courage to get into it" Him: "Hahaha, the cryptocurrency and blockchain fields are the most important part of the future market and will replace the traditional financial market"
We started chatting about bitcoin, but nothing alarming.
I jokingly said, "Wait till I earn some money, then I'll purchase some" Him: "When the time comes, I can teach you. Also, getting started with cryptocurrency does not require you to have a lot of funds. There's no restriction" 1/2🚩 Me: "Sure! If we're still talking by then" Him: "I'm not going to disappear, if nothing happens to me I'll still be here for the next 10 years 🤣" Me: "How would I know, haha? We met online" Him: "My feelings are filled with anticipation for you"
He started flirting with me more and more, talking about life, food, the conversation was going great. By now, it's the 4th day, and we had a conversation about food (as usual). I asked him what he had for dinner and he said he got takeout. Him: "If I had the motivation I'd cook, but I've been feeling lazy lately. But maybe if you were in Sydney I'd have more motivation to cook" Me: "What if I'm in Melbourne?" Him: "That's fine too, it's not that far" After more chatting... Me: "I'm only going to Melbourne though, not Sydney" (I'm heading to Melbourne in June) Him: "Then let's meet in Melbourne. I have an apartment there"
Just to be careful, I did not tell him when I would be flying over there (I told him later on but only the dates), and at this point, he still does not know my full name. I joked with him about me possibly being an elderly grandpa, or him being one, and pulling the "My mum says I shouldn't be talking to strangers". He replies, "Then don't make any friends 🤣 They're all strangers." He changes the topic because obviously that came off a little passive-aggressive. 1/2🚩
It's now the 5th day, after chatting about our interests, he asks me what I was doing during the weekend as he wanted to teach me about crypto. 🚩 I said, "I have no money" Him: "Well, if you have no money then you should earn some 🤣" Me: "I know, but crypto is dangerous" Him: "There's always a danger in everything, but when you expose yourself to it and learn, you'll understand it better" Me: "Yes and no" Him: "One more thing I have to tell you, you have to buy crypto when you're first starting out if not you can't learn it at all" Me: "I don't want to do that now, I'm okay with chatting about it, but I don't want to start now" Him: "It's your own decision, I just have to make sure you're aware before starting" Me: "Thanks for being honest about it, if not I'd feel like this is a crypto scam, not saying that you are" Him: "It's better to be honest about things." He changed the topic to food (not in a abrupt manner, but quite naturally)
Another day passed, and he went out drinking with friends. After returning home, he seemed to be a little hyper and tipsy, but I don't think he was drunk. I asked for a picture of him drunk because I thought it'd look funny, and he sent it over in 4min. Then, I mustered up my courage to voice call him to which there was no answer, but after 2min, he called back. The call lasted 38sec because I chickened out. To me, this confirmed that he was a legitimate person, not an AI that I was chatting with, and he most likely would be whoever he said he was. (But with that being said, it is also possible for him to be using a voice changer or whatever.)
After that night, it had been one week of chatting daily, and his texting was the same as usual, flirty but not overbearing. I had been out partying with the girls for a friend's birthday and I got home at 7am in the morning. I had spent the night watching out for my girls as you know, clubbing can be scary at times – the girlies drunk making out with others and all, the usual. As I was telling him about the crazy that went down that night, he said, "as long as nothing happened to you, that's all that matters, if not I'd be heartbroken" Me: "Why?🤣" Him: "Do you still need to ask why?" Me: "Well, if anything happened, then we can just cut off this connection, hahaha, anyway we've only met for a few days" Him: "....." Me: "It's realistic" Him: "Is it?" Me: "Huh?" Him: "Rest well at home" Me: "Are you upset?" Him: "Not so far as to be upset about it" Me: "Well, think about it, we've only met a few days, and it's not as if you know if I have a good personality or a bad personality" Him: "If you put in effort to understand, you can actually discover many details" Me: "Then what kind of person do you think I am?" Him: "A realistic and rational person"
And then... I changed the topic because this conversation was getting a bit too deep for me.
It's the 9th day. My friends were really curious and interested in this guy that I was chatting with and they wanted to hear his voice (so did I) to confirm his identity. So, childishly, we plotted for me to 'accidentally' leave my phone charging on my friend's table while I went to the bathroom, they unlocked my phone and called him to ask him who he was, then when I returned I'd snatch my phone back. He picked up, it was a 22sec call before I snatched my phone back and ended the call because I was way too embarrassed. He asked, "What happened?" Me: *explains the plot* Him: "Why's your phone unlocked?" Me: "It's locked but my friends know my PIN" Him: "Hahaha, change it" 🚩 Me: "Sorry for the trouble" Him: "It's fine, text me when you're back" A while later.... Me: "I'm back in my room" (I live in a dormitory) *Him asking how my friends know who to call, me explaining that we're together all the time, they know that we've been chatting* Him: "No privacy at all 🤣 They probably saw our entire conversation" Me: "It's okay, they read Mandarin really slow, don't worry 😂" Him: "Babe, you should learn how to protect yourself" Me: "Then when I'm speaking to you don't I need to protect myself?" Him: "Of course" Me: "Anyway, why do I need to hide anything?" 🚩(Can't tell if it's because he's older? That's why he thinks like that?) Him: "You don't care about your own privacy?" Me: "I do" Him: "I think boundaries between friends are important. I'm not mad, I just feel that if your friends can just take your phone, unlock your pin, and call me, wouldn't you be angry?" Me: "But this friend group is like my family" Him: "Your phone is like the last layer of yourself, you need to learn how to take care of yourself" Me: "Well they're just scared I'll get hurt and cheated" Him: "Cheated what?" Me: "They've seen me at my worst" Him: "Cheat you for sex or money? Rest assured, in this lifetime I'll never borrow money from you 🤣" Me: "We don't know if you're a real person either" Him: "Then am I or am I not?" Me: "Probably?" Him: "Really? The word probably?" *more conversation, blah blah*
Then it ended with him confessing that he likes me.
It's the 10th day. The flirting has been amped up and of course I can feel it, he starts calling me babe more, and talking about how it's normal for couples to hug. Of course, I was like "Oh? We're already a couple?" Him: "Aren't we heading in that direction?" Me: "Well that depends on your performance" Him: "If I turned you into a little rich lady, wouldn't you be happier?" Now, he's pushing about crypto again, and that if I tried it once, I'd understand. Then, I confronted him, "Why'd you keep asking me about crypto?" Him: "Didn't you say you were interested?" Me: "Yeah I did, but I don't want to randomly start" Him: "How's that considered randomly starting?" Me: "Well, I don't know you well, and it's not as if we've been longtime friends. Also, there's a lot of scams on Boo, especially crypto scams. We've only been talking for a week, how much can I even trust you?" Him: "The decision is still yours to make, but I won't bring it up again" Me: "If I misunderstood you, I apologise. I can chat with you about crypto if it's your interest but I don't want to start now" Him: "We don't have to chat about crypto, there's no point talking about it" Me: "If you feel that I have no interest in crypto and would like to stop talking to me, that's completely understandable" Him: "There's no link between the two" Me: "I mean, some people feel that when there's no common topic, the conversation won't work. People have different dealbreakers." Me: "Have you eaten?"
GHOSTED. So, naturally, I thought he was now 100% a scammer (although it's only been a day). From what I know, he hasn't been active on Boo, his Follower count dropped but his Love count increased a bit (which is normal). Honestly, everything he's said checks out, the timing under his name is in the Sydney timezone, his location checks out. Searched his images on Google and the Chinese search engines, nothing comes up.
I thought he blocked me because I sent him, "So you really blocked me just like that? 🤣" on Boo and Whatsapp and it was only a single tick on Whatsapp, which means he didn't receive the message. But turns out, he didn't block me... I was overthinking it. I was so sure he was a scammer, I reported his Boo account... 🙊 He replied after 5hr, "I've got a fever" and when I asked if he was fine, no reply. I am confused. Is he a scammer? Or am I just overthinking it? Did I piss him off perhaps? 🤣
Thanks for taking the time to read this if you have. Please help a confused girl out 🤣

Hey; I'm currently a junior finishing up the year. I quit American football due to anxiety and I dreaded practice everyday and hated it/used to have panic attacks before it. I used to wake up and have my day instantly (3 seconds into waking up) ruined by the fact I had practice (I have a social battery so I need time alone a lot, having 3 hours a day after practice isnt enough) and my anxiety kicks in and as the day goes on, the closer I get to practice, the more my stomach begins to pain and I start trembling, and then sometimes I would just debate on not even going because I was afraid I'd sh** myself or something due to anxiety stomach aches. Its not even because of something like me not being good at football, its just so terrifying for some reason; maybe because I am a naturally slow-paced person that this rush of putting pads on and getting to practice quick frightens me? I also used to dread summer workouts; I really need summer to recharge, and waking up at 5:30 everyday isn't good for my mental, even though physically I'm perfectly fine. I love the weightlifting though, its one of my passions as of recent. Sometimes, I would constantly check my emails, wondering if there was something new from my coaches. I not only have anxiety, but also ADHD, OCD, loads of other BS that make it nerve wrecking for me when a coach is screaming in my face all day, I sometimes get so nervous I don't even hear what they say and I look stupid by messing up the drill. It also didn't help that I was a EXTREMELY underweight defensive tackle in such a tough football environment/division (Florida football). I hate the 3 hour practices too. I've been on meds and they still don't help, trying supplements and I'll see what they do. Everyday I would lose my mind over practice, yet there was something weird. For the past 6 months or so, since I left football, I have been fantasizing every single day about playing it again. Imagining myself playing linebacker or running back, stiff arming people as I run into the endzone. I miss the practices where we would do such hard drills and laugh as we caught our breath by the water station, I miss how intense those fridays felt, where I strapped up my helmet and went to war against whatever powerhouse of a school it was that week (I don't miss morning workouts lmao). But why? I suffered so much in my life because of this game but I don't know what to do; I don't want to spend my entire senior year not playing a sport (i did sign up for school related things obviously) but still, all those other guys balling out while at 2:30pm I'm heading home, the idea is depressing for some reason. Maybe I should make more friends? Invest more into the weightlifting? I hated the game but I loved everything that came with it. Even when I hear some sh** like a Kid Ink song I think about Tavon Austin's highlights, and then I want to play again. I made up my mind a few months ago about not playing but just helping with photography, but the thoughts of me wanting to play again are lingering, but as I type this I can already feel my stomach aching as I think about summer practice if I do come back; do I play or do I not play? Will it be worth it, heading home on friday's as my brothers are getting ready to have the whole town watch them play while i'm at home; at school going to the football pep rallies as I stand in the bleachers as a now mere spectator; the homecoming court; the playoffs we usually make (won state recently); senior night, even the end of the season? I can't imagine myself not falling into a pit of depression as I think about witnessing these things. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to convince myself that these are lifelong memories and that I SHOULD play but I don't know if I can go another season of that, feels like I have grey hair already at 18. I sometimes wish I had another year of highschool, where I can just be fine and then the year after play football, but I only have a few days now to make my decision. I don't know why I think about this game all the time, I love it and miss it but I dread it. Thanks to whoever read all of this, just needed someone to know about this.

Hey everyone,
I'm reaching out here because I'm really struggling and could use some advice or support. For a period of time, I used to send intimate pictures and engage in risky conversations with men on Snapchat. I did it because I was alone and their validation made me feel good about myself. Not that I try to justify my actions but more for context. It became a habit until one day I realized how destructive this behavior was.
Since then, I've deleted everything and I know for sure that nothing was screenshotted or saved. It was 1 to 1 conversations and I didnt post it publicly. I know that still, once its online, its forever, thats what eats me up deep inside. I've even done reverse image searches and haven't found anything. Despite this, the fear of those pictures and conversations somehow going public haunts me every single day, every single hour since my hit of realization.
It's been months since I stopped, but I can't shake the anxiety. I think about it constantly and haven't had a good night's sleep in days. The thought of my loved ones finding out one day is unbearable, and it feels like I can't live normally anymore. I know I can only blame myself for getting into this situation, I just can't find peace.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice on how to cope with these feelings? How do I move on and live without this constant fear ?

My wife and I have had a bad marriage and we’ve both made many mistakes. My wife is still not saved nor has an interest in Jesus. She is into new age spirituality and witchcraft.
Anyways, we’ve been separated a couple of times . We still live together but my wife wants a divorce (though she hasn’t filed papers). I made a terrible mistake years ago and cheated on her. I should have left the relationship but didn’t because I was embarrassed to end the marriage after a year. I did it because she still had a strong attachment to her ex, would constantly sexually compare me to him and would constantly text him and ask for his input instead of coming to me when it came to certain personal questions pertaining to our relationship. Doesn’t make what I did right, but at the time due to that and due to her having been physically violent with me in the past because she has other emotional issues —I acted emotionally and basically ended out going out one night after a argument and threw up a big middle finger to her. I felt like due to that and the fact that she also used to do online porn stuff even earlier on in our relationship made me feel like she wasn’t taking the relationship seriously and I wanted a excape for feeling hurt. With the porn thing, I didn’t like it but she begged me to solo stuff online and claimed that she was depressed and it would make her happy. Yeah, I know. I was a doormat then.
Anyways, it started a whole loop. She eventually ended up having sex with her ex later on when we were separated the first time. I did had sex with a girl while we were separated after she told me what she would be doing with her ex and there was nothing I could do to stop it. We have kids. She moved out of state. I didn’t want to get a lawyer involved. She told me the only way she would move back to state with the kids and get back with me is if I allowed an open relationship. I was animatedly against it but desperately wanted her to move back with my kids and figured it would be better than to lose the marriage entirely.
It wasn’t. She had sex with her ex. Literally went to an orgy. Met another friend off of a sex website that she invited over while I wasn’t home that she said she didn’t have sex with but just cuddled and watched a movie naked with. Literally worst time of my life.
I eventually started finding a different partner after a long period and soon after I started with this new partner she suddenly wants to end the open marriage. I agree to shut it down. Honestly, I was falling for the new woman.
Months later I end up messaging her. We end up having an affair for a couple of months. I come clean.
She moves out. But eventually moves back in. She says that she still wants a divorce but made no plans to set it in motion.
She has been living here for over a year now. She and I communicate very little. I’m interested in fixing this but she isn’t much. Since then a lot has happened and I’ve honestly given my life to God and started turning from many of my sinful ways. She seems to have taken the opposite route. She has been into witchcraft for some years now. She is even more than before into new age spirituality. She constantly sneaks off and sometimes doesn’t come home until the morning. One time we got into a big argument about this friend she has from the sex website and her hanging out with him. It blew up and she went into the room. When I went into the room apparently she has snuck out of the window because she wanted to go out so bad.
I know this is all bad. I know I had my part in this. I pray all of the time for God to help me and to show himself to her. If God fixes the marriage he fixes it. Honestly I’m more worried about my kids. I worry if we divorce what type of people will be around my kids. What type of spiritual influences will be around them.
But also, regarding divorce and remarriage am I allowed to remarry? I know the Bible speaks about infidelity being a reason one can divorce. I think you can remarry in that case right? I have committed infedelity but so has she. Does that mean we can both remarry?

Listen to song while reading !! Mineve-souvenir
You know that feeling when you can sit by someone for an hour in complete silence and feel something so deep that you can’t explain ….when you watch the night sky and think wow this world is beautiful and you feel so lucky to be alive…when you hike up a mountain raise your arms close your eyes and feel the wind in your hair but also feel free…that complete feeling when someone holds you while you sleep…the happiness you feel when you hear children laughing and waves at the beach…or when you space out looking at the clouds in admiration…do you ever walk down the street with headphones on and feel so unimportant but yet feel so amazing Because they don’t feel what you feel… you know that feeling of enchantment or wonder coming in waves around you…you know that feeling when you leave your friends you head home alone and on your drive you listen to slow music and you feel so damn alone… you have so much love to give but no one to give it to… you want to run and hold someone … you want to kiss them like tonight’s your last night alive ….when you can stare and talk to someone for hours… that love you feel when you rest your head on their shoulder….when you hold hands in bed and looking at the ceiling without saying a thing …and long hugs gosh I love hugs….when they hold your face and tell you everything’s gonna be okay…we all feel alone some nights and that’s okay … we have to seek within ourselves

I have had a black moor goldfish and a calico fantail goldfish for almost 3 years now. Their names are Ollie and Ziggy. I also have a very small pleco named Percy, who I have had for closer to 4 years. He is only about 2 inches long. I have had them in a 50 gallon tank, which I know is a bit overcrowded but it's all I could afford.
Anyways, while I was away at college (my parents take care of them while I'm gone. I come home to visit every few weeks), Ollie developed what appeared to be slime coat syndrome. I began treating it as soon as I got home, but it was too late. He passed away 2 days ago and I buried him.
Yesterday morning, I noticed that Ziggy suddenly was showing some of the same signs of slime coat syndrome (I wasn't aware it was contagious) so I continued the treatment that I had started for Ollie. Last night, I went to do the third treatment on the tank and found Ziggy dead. I am heartbroken. All I have left is Percy. I know they're "just fish," but I have had them through some of the toughest years of my life and loved sitting and watching them swim around. I loved taking care of them.
My question now is, what do I do with Percy? He is showing no signs of disease or anything really bothering him. Would it be appropriate to move him into a smaller tank? Again, he is tiny, but I dont know how much of a difference that makes on tank needs. He pretty much just hangs out in his cave all day and occasionally comes out at night to explore and clean the bottom a little bit. What size tank would be appropriate for one 2-inch pleco? I have a spare nano tank (i believe it's 6.5 gallons) and a spare 10 gallon that have nothing in them. I'm not looking to get any more fish as I am fully moving out of my parent's house in a couple of months and don't have space for this huge tank in my apartment. I also don't want my parents to have to take care of extra pets because I left them behind only 2 months after getting them. However, I have talked to my mom and she said that if Percy needs to stay in his current tank, she'd be happy to care for him as she finds him "funny and mysterious." If he can go in a smaller tank, I will likely take him with me. Thoughts?
TL;DR: Both my goldfish died in a span of 2 days, and now I am left with a tiny (2-inch) pleco alone in a 50 gallon tank. Can I move him into a smaller tank?

Hello everyone looking at this post. I’m looking for a friend I can vibe chill and get to know on a deeper personal level I hope. I crave more relationships in my life and/or just people to talk to.
Here’s a bit about myself. I enjoy playing video games the most. I’m a pc gamer, and I have a crap ton of games. But I mostly play league, valorant and cs. Recently been getting into Terraria and currently playing persona 5 and elden ring . Favorite game all time is portal 2 or Luigi’s mansion. I love watching shows, anime or regular. Currently watching jjk and AoT, and caught up in one piece. I occasionally like the outdoors and do things like fishing, camping, hiking, just enjoying the nature and vibes. For music, I enjoy rap and rock but I also like other niche stuff. Favorite artist is juice wrld. Oh and I guess a favorite movie of mine is Donnie Darko, love physiological thrillers.
Overall, I’m a pretty laidback person and would like to get to meet some new people. Have a good day/night!

I don't think this would count as malicious compliance, but I think I'd be doing my company a favor with it, and somewhat stick it to my bosses who likely would take issue with it. I generally like my job, and my bosses. This is moreso a result of my district manager, let'scall him John. That's not to say I wasn't, at fault. I did in fact fuck things up royally, with no one to blame on certain aspects but myself. A while ago, I wanted to become a key carrier for my store, I thought it'd be nice to earn 25 more cents for every hour at my store, and be a bit more capable. For context, the company uses an online training system we're expected to do at work when we have no customers, or, if it wasn't a station that dealt with customers, just straight up nothing to do. Becoming a key carrier was something you had to go out of your way to find on the training site, and do. Finding and doing it wasn't hard. In fact, I got it done within an hour. I told my general manager, let's call him Matt, the next day that I was looking to be a key carrier, and had already done the online part. I could tell by his look that he was impressed with my taking initiative, but not much came from it. About a month later, Matt finally got me started doing actual in-person training with other key carriers, and seeing as how I could only close on Fridays and Saturdays, it would've been a slow process. At least it should've been. Given how Matt had been cutting back on people's hours, with everyone saying that John was pressuring him to do so, I have reason to believe that John is responsible for how long it took me to actually get started with in-person training. However, I only got 2 weeks until I had to close the store on my own. That was 4 nights worth of learning, and safe to say: I WAS NOT READY. I couldn't remember where I was supposed to look to see how much I was supposed to take out of each register, or how much variance there was. Not helping was how the other 2 people up front were a little new, the guy in the back was a bit lazy, and the 2 of the 4 computers we had to ring people up were crapping out for some reason. Things weren't going smoothly, and I was losing patience as the night went on. Once we closed for the night, I sent 2 of my coworkers home for the night, as we weren't allowed to count registers or safe without at least one other person in the store. The registers ended up being incredibly for the next day, but confusingly to my general manager in training, let's call him Elliott, the deposit that was accurate. He ended up having to scrub through security footage to be sure that I didn't steal any money, which I didn't. The most damning thing I did was forget to ask about actually getting the physical key. This is one area where I am objectively at fault. No denying it. So when the other guy and I left for the night, we locked the front door, put in the alarm code, and made a mad dash for the back door. It was about an hour and a half after we were supposed to have left, and we were very tired, so we didn't bother to make sure the door closed all the way, and just went home. It was just left open, and I am INCREDIBLY lucky that no one snuck in. I showed up the next day and asked just how horribly I fucked up. Elliott calmly said that it was by a lot, but understood that I wasn't entirely at fault. We quickly made a few schedule changes so that a key carrier would be watching over me, ensuring that I actually knew what I was doing. A while later, I would be closing with someone who was previously a key carrier for another company, let's call him Greg, and he is a pretty solid guy. I asked Greg why he wasn't a key carrier for our company, to which he said: "The amount of added duties weren't worth the 25 cent raise. You're pretty much a manager, with all of the overrides you'd get access to, and things you'd be responsible for signing off on, but you aren't called a manager, or payed like one." After seeing me close once he noted how, at least compared to his previous company, the closing process had way more possibilities for mistakes. I don't know just how much better the closing procedures are at Greg's previous company, but I found it noteworthy. What my general manager and district manager might take issue with is my plan to head straight to my store and ensure that any new key carriers were capable. I fully intend to do so for every night they close without another key carrier scheduled until they can confidently do so with me just watching them. I imagine my John and Matt will be taking issue with the fact that I'll be off the clock when helping with closing procedures. My response to that would be: having a key carrier come in for an hour at most for a few nights would be less expensive to the company than the two people already be there for 2 hours longer than they're supposed to be, combined with someone coming in early the next morning to fix whatever mistakes were made, and maybe scrub through footage, for the same amount of nights. Again, I don't think this counts as malicious compliance, but I'd be sticking it to an incompetent boss, and saving the company a bit.

PSA #1: u/pep-- is going to post a weekend live thread for the weekend, we think the weekend definitely deserves it. He just needs to finish his homework first.
PSA #2: We now have a new fancy very very blue RAUM flair. I know some of you are sporting an improvised RAUM flair so now you can grab a real one. Apologies, should have done this way earlier.

I'm gonna keep this one short, I'm gonna keep this one short, I'm gonna...

Helllllooooooo bbs, I'd like to announce that THE WINTER IS OVER, the sun is out, we are getting new sunglasses because we lost all of them at parties last year (no? just me? goddamn berghain took like 3 pairs, alongside my dignity), we are showing skin, sweating balls, getting hornier again, annnd.... Entering festival season, so let's talk about that.
This weekend we have three festival contenders:
Awakenings Upclose (timetable)
Big, big up to Awakenings programming/booking and marketing team. Awakenings until now felt like a festival to avoid, but somehow, Upclose seems to be the place to be. Everyone I know and their mother will be there, including me, but not my mother. She's coming to Lofi for Die Rakete in two weeks, but that's another story.
My plan for Awakenings is:

• a low dose of acid
  • haha for legal purposes I swear that was a joke
• turn off my phone
  • this I very much recommend
• Polar Inertia (Sat)
  • there's a chance you haven't heard about Polar Inertia (and your hardtechno friends definitely haven't), because it's one of those projects that are half-dormant, rare to catch, and you kinda have to know to know.
  • keywords are ambient, experimental, deep, elegant, I also hope for cold and creepy but that might be just me
  • they recently (ish) released a set with Monument, go get a taste
• Sandwell District (Sat)
  • Sparkles fangirling over Sandwell District - Exhibit A
  • Sparkles fangirling over Sandwell District - Exhibit B
  • more than a 20 year old label/group/act responsible for my currently favourite track ever that woke up from hibernation last year, and started releasing new stuff that I also love
  • also known as mainly Function and Regis, but other names floating around are Rrose, and Silent Servant... that one isn't floating around anymore, unfortunately 💔
• otherwise fuck around and find out
  • I mean walk around without expectations and see where I end up

Some other maybe noteworthy things in my opinion:

• check out the hard techno stages
  • Vera Grace is actually good , and so is Somniac One
  • I'd check out Rebekah and SNTS out of nostalgia, I like how they used to play and I have a tiny sliver of hope that they might bring some of that to Upclose, yes, but also, probably not, oh well
  • I wish I could say the same about 9x9 because they used to play awesome live acid (bitches love livesets), but I have zero hope they will pull that out again, oh well
• Colin Benders x Speedy J
  • two total legends from the NL, they are known to deliver ✨education✨
  • Colin is a joy to watch playing, also I think it's gonna be a hybrid / live (and bitches love livesets), because I have never seen Colin DJing ever - does he even know how to mix? I don't think you should know how to mix if you can just conjure tracks out of thin air and a big bunch of cables...
  • Speedy J
    • Speedy J with Colin Benders
  • They could theoretically play quite hard, both are very well capable of it, don't come crying if they do, also check out this set of Speedy's violent alias Public Energy at Unpolished 2020, because that's the education I'm talking about
    • I mean even Speedy J as Speedy J is violent
• CEM & MCMLXXXV
  • fun, banging, fun, cute

Lente Kabinet (lineup)
Not my thing, know like 2 and a half names on the lineup, someone hype something in the comments please I'm lost, it's not techno, ugh.
Draaimolen Island x Sustain-Release (timetable)
Looks cute, is sold out, please write thorough reviews in the afters, I'm curious with a slight tinge of FOMO 😇

You can also go check out the May Festival Monthly from u/Motionez to see their take on these.

Let's look into pre-parties on Friday now:
DINA, KI/KI & Nelly at Club RAUM
Sold out (tickets at the door though), but I need to fangirl here anyway, because fuck damn, this is RAUM finally bringing a lineup that finally really speaks to me, and it's not even about KI/KI for me, let me explain:

• I am still haunted by memories of what Nelly did to me at Ratherlost NYD, one person I don't want to publicly shame (I miss you u/bleepbloopbarbatruc, and btw I finally kinda learn to spell your username) said "Nelly is a warmup DJ, can't really imagine her in a different slot" - SO DAMN WRONG. She absolutely killed the preclosing slot with a a tense, organic/tribal, deep, terrifying set that just filled the air in the room with something. Yeah yeah, going that deep is not everyone's thing, but hey, house isn't either, blabla.
• I haven't heard DINA play in person yet but I did my research and I'm excited. She can definitely pull off a wormhole, but isn't afraid to step out of it as well and play something actually euphoric, or heavy hitting borderline tekno, and yeah, she just has 🔥range🔥 and definitely knows how to use it, I don't know who decided to book her there but THANK YOU.
• and of course, KI/KI. It's always a treat to get someone so big/popular, talented and good to play in an intimate venue, and on top of this, KI/KI and RAUM go way way wayyyyy back and you can just feel the love there.

See ya there bbs, all the other Friday events can go home. (Garage with Fever Dream might be cool in a signature-garage-weird way, and there's one other event that I avoid mentioning, and people always come after me with wHY DiDN't You MeNtiOn THaT OnE... so yeah, that one)

That's done, let's talk about afters:
Awakenings Upclose After Hours at Radion and Bret (RADION timetable, Bret so far unannounced)
Nice blend of the locals like Thoms Traxx and Hashashin and infamous Berliners like Function and Quelza in Radion, I mean, can't really go wrong there, can you. But yeah, not much else to say.
I would have absolutely loved if they did some non-standard stuff like one of the big hard techno names playing a surprise, unnanounced sunrise house set in Bret (can you please take a moment and imagine SNTS doing it), or do open decks w/ the Funk Assault babes and Beau Didier, Isaiah, and idk Flits and Hitam? Not gonna happen, but a girl can dream, right.
131bpm, Marie Malarie, Naone & Lola Edo at Club RAUM on Saturday
If you're done with techno for the day and want to go shake your ass, wave your spine and wiggle your elbows, this is the one. I really like Naone here, she recorded a set for Harmony Rec, a label I will always simp for, and generally I like her take on house, where she sometimes dives deeper than you would expect from a house set, and you can generally hear interesting sounds in her sets, which is not really a a thing in that... genre. It's like someone forced DJ MARIA. to play house. Did I just offend two artists with one sentence? Sorry dears, I love you both.
DJ Nobu, Cobahn, Nelly at PERRON on Saturday
I don't want to mention this one, but kinda can't not bc Nobu. Done.
Vibrant with Nur Jaber at Melkweg on Saturday
u/sinacuk slid into my DMs asking politely and nicely for a shoutout, so here it goes 💖

Hellooo! As Vibrant we have another event on the night of 18th of May with Nur Jaber, Bours?, and 7Circle. It will be at the OZ room of melkweg, with an intimate atmosphere and no phone policy. We are designing own lights once again with Kraft Und Licht as well. Also we are going to have art exhibitions.

I'll just add that I saw Nur Jaber closing Berghain once, and it sounded like forks in a high speed mixer while your aggressive neighbor is trying to kick your front door in. This was a compliment. Nur Jaber is cool, because she also does this.
Talismann b2b Makam all night long at Levenslang on Sunday
Rumor has it that if he plays without a shirt, it's Talismann, if with, then it's Makam. Playing a b2b with yourself all night long feels like a recipe for a personality disorder, or you already have to have one to come up with this idea. Jokes aside, Talismann is good, so is Makam, this is a cool, novel, and deranged idea, I can get behind this.
UNUSUAL at Radio Radio on Sunday
First party from a project of one cool person from the former DS team, doorsale only, unannounced lineup (released podcasts may or may not betray some of it though), they clearly trust their network, friends, and people-who-just-know to show up. Respectable, good luck, godspeed.
Slapfunk at Bret on Monday
If you STILL want to party the fourth day in the row, Slapfunk gotchu. Lineup TBA, but it's probably gonna be boom tsaa boom tsaa boom tsaa or papm papm papm pupururu. Ideal for your last remaning braincell to bounce around.

Unrelated to the weekly, but important - if you have been an active part of this sub also last summer / fall, and feel close to the other notorious shitposters here, slide into my DMs, I might have something for you.

That's all folks, I made a long one again.

hello ^_^ this is a throwaway acc because ive never actually used reddit before and i'm nervous about people knowing my identity, since the things im going to discuss give me a lot of anxiety. additionally, i'd like to say that if this is not the space to ask this, i completely understand and feel free to remove my post ^^ i just can't stand struggling with myself anymore, and if this isn't the space, could someone maybe direct me to somewhere else where i can discuss?
for the past ~four weeks or so i've been questioning if i'm a system. i completely acknowledge i may not be, but i'm struggling to find disorders that fit my symptoms, and i know the did/osdd spectrum is a varied experience. i am also aware you all are not mental health professionals and cannot diagnose me, nor know exactly what is going on in my head, but i suppose i'm just looking for advice. i'm a minor and currently do not have access to a therapist or mental health professionals. i live in an abusive household, and i have heavily suspected social anxiety and autism. obviously i am not diagnosed, but my experience heavily relates to these two, and people i know who are say its likely i have them. i have several friends who are systems, online and irl, and my partner is also one. ive caught myself sometime.. wondering what its like to be a system, for lack of a better word? sometimes it feels like im mentally glorifying it, which i correct as soon as i notice, because i understand did and osdd id a trauma disorder and can cause so much distress and disorder (hence the name) in someone's life. i've been doing a lot of research but i still feel unsure, and i've also talked to one of my sys friends about my experience, and they also said its possible, but also possible that i'm not. the main issue i have is memory loss. ive struggled with my memory since i was a kid and i always just labelled myself as 'forgetful', but all of my peers have told me its not normal, and the past few months its been really stressing me out. i frequently forget things people tell me, things i say or do, and sometimes why i am somewhere, although i feel that last one is a relatively normal experience; the 'walking into a room then forgetting why you're there' sort of thing. ive caught myself feeling like im on autopilot, lost in my own thoughts and being unaware of my surroundings, which sometimes makes me do nonsensical things until i sort of 'snap back into reality'- i've put salt into the fridge, thrown my tv remote into the garbage, ran into walls or doors or stubbed my toes too many times. sometimes i forget my meals for so long that i end up eating two dinners, then remember the next day that i had two dinners. just recently i made rice. i remember cooking it, and eating it, but the next day my mom asked me why i put the rice into the pots cupboard. i don't remember doing this at all. additionally, i am very very bad at time; i'll think something happened two months ago, then my friend will tell me its been a week. ive always been an extremely emotion-oriented person, so when i act out of the ordinary, i considered it mood swings. i'm a trans guy, so i thought hormones, or maybe its the autism, or maybe its a normal experience, but recently an incident happened where i was talking to my partner in a groupchat with a mutual friend and i told them some very passive aggressive things which i would normally never say and once i had calmed down and apologized for the ordeal i realized i didn't even know why i'd reacted that way. they hadn't done anything at all wrong and one of the main traits i'd say about myself is i rarely every get mad/angry, and when i do, i never express this to the people around me. several of my friends share this sentiment. due to the abuse in my household, sometimes i'll have a mental breakdown and cry for an hour, but then be completely fine afterward. the next day i almost forget the thing that upset me ever happened- meaning like, i know it did happen, and i know it made me upset, but it just doesn't feel like that big of a deal anymore, and i don't feel upset at all. its almost like, emotional amnesia, for lack of a better term. i don't feel any of the emotion i know i felt at all, and sometimes even find it hard to understand why i was upset in the first place. apparently this isn't normal, either.
the big thing that makes me believe maybe its not did or osdd is i don't often disassociate, or maybe i do? i can't really tell.. most of the time i feel its me piloting my body, if that makes sense, but i zone out a lot. something i do struggle with is knowing the world is 'real'; often it feels like im.. in virtual reality, or looking at a painting, or a screen or something, but i'm chronically online (online every moment i physically can be) so i connected it to that. sometimes when it gets late i do things i wouldnt normally do, but i believe thats also quite a general experience- sleep deprivation changing your behaviour. ive dissociated during traumatic events, which is a normal trauma response, but one specific thing i can remember is in.. 7-8th grade, i can't remember which specifically (i'm in tenth now, i'll be in eleventh next year), there was a period of about two weeks where i felt extremely derealized. it felt like i was watching my body move and do things from outside, and it wasn't caused by anything, as far as i know. it just sort of happened.
another thing that makes me think i'm not a system is i dont really hear voices in my head i hear. my own but ive always thought its my own and its like narrating what i think, i guess its never changed unless its like i randomly read what someone said in their own voice or whatever and it doesnt really say anything that im not thinking unless i have intrusive thoughts, although i can sort of.. debate, with myself. but its always felt like me, like im weighing the pros and cons of somethin, or arguing for both perspectives of an issue. i've always tried to be an open minded person and see all sides. i do talk to myself sometimes, but i do it pretty mindlessly. i never thought anything different of it, but maybe its not normal? when i was a kid, i would talk to myself out loud. i also felt lonely and in 4-7th grade i had convinced myself the wind was my friend and that i could control it. i called him 'mr wind'. don't really think this has anything to do with being a system, but some background knowledge, i suppose?
when i first started actually doing research after denying even the possibility of me being a system for ~two weeks, i did try ti communicate with my possible other parts, but i wasnt very successful. i laid down in a dark room and focused on my mind, trying to call out to anyone at all, but all the responses i got only responded after i asked a question, and refused to answer if i myself could not think of a response to the question. for that reason, i believe this was simply myself attempting to come up with a response. i also started keeping a small digital journal, in case they'd prefer to communicate that way, but nothing i havent wrote or remember writing has showed up, either.
in terms of identity, i've been.. somewhat sure of myself? i think i know who i am kind of well, but sometimes i question myself. i don't have anything significant to say on this topic, which is why i didn't bring it up earlier in the post, but i understand identity is a huge part of being a system, which is why it felt important to address somewhere.
im hesitant to talk about this, but in relation to fiction, i don't have many 'kins'. however, there is one character i feel like IS me. i have no idea how to describe it. its just whenever i see him, i feel like he IS me, like we're the same, even though we have practically nothing in common. this character is loud and confident and a perfectionist and im none of those things, quite the opposite, actually. i know this probably isn't evidence but i just find it so weird.
food is a very sensitive topic for me. i am very very picky about food, because certain textures, tastes, etc make me very prone to not liking food, and when i don't like a food i eat i vomit. like many other autistic people, i have "safe" foods, which i typically will always feel comfortable eating. but every once in a while, a food that has been "safe" for years will suddenly taste horrible or have a bad texture and it makes me vomit, which then makes me scared to eat it again. sometimes i try these foods again in the future and they become "safe" once more. i'm not sure if this can be related to being a system, but i thought perhaps it was different alters having different preferences? no idea.
i once had a dream i was a system. it wasn't like, the main focus, i just was, the plot still unfolded as usual. i know dreams are just dreams, but since im mentioning everything ever, i might as well mention this too.
i'm not sure if these can be connected to being a system at all, but i figured maaaaybe they could be, so i'll mention them anyway: feel free to disregard this section if physical symptoms don't apply
-sometimes my knees will randomly feel weak, and like its hard to walk
-sometimes a random wave of heat will wash over me for a few seconds then disappear, this can also be accompanied by ear ringing
-sometimes a certain part of my lip will twitch and no matter how hard i try it won't stop, but it only ever lasts a few minutes
-for the past few days, i've had incessant eye twitching in only my left eye, and similar to my lip no matter how hard i try it won't stop, but its a lot more common than my lip twitched and only started happening recently. i've had the lip twitch for years, but it only happens once a few months. with my eye, although it only lasts short periods like my lip, its been happening multiple times a day. i don't really treat these as part of my 'evidence', just in case, i guess
this is pretty much all of my "evidence", feel free to ask any questions in the comments. my feelings won't be hurt if you say you think i'm not a system. i'm just looking for an honest opinion, because the way i can't remember shit ever is driving me crazy. i feel like i'm faking because i subconsciously "want" to be a system to fit in and better relate to my friends and my partner, and i didn't have suspicions before they brought up how they were, so how weird is that, right? but at the same time, i'm trying to be very very honest in my experiences, because i understand misdiagnosing myself could really damage my mental health. i just don't know anymore. if you believe i'm not a system, could you perhaps point me in the direction of something else my symptoms might fit into? thank you very for your time, and your help if you decide to comment ^-^

Hey everyone,
I'm reaching out here because I'm really struggling and could use some advice or support. For a period of time, I used to send intimate pictures and engage in risky conversations with men on Snapchat. I did it because I was alone and their validation made me feel good about myself. Not that I try to justify my actions but more for context. It became a habit until one day I realized how destructive this behavior was.
Since then, I've deleted everything and I know for sure that nothing was screenshotted or saved. It was 1 to 1 conversations and I didnt post it publicly. I know that still, once its online, its forever, thats what eats me up deep inside. I've even done reverse image searches and haven't found anything. Despite this, the fear of those pictures and conversations somehow going public haunts me every single day, every single hour since my hit of realization.
It's been months since I stopped, but I can't shake the anxiety. I think about it constantly and haven't had a good night's sleep in days. The thought of my loved ones finding out one day is unbearable, and it feels like I can't live normally anymore. I know I can only blame myself for getting into this situation, I just can't find peace.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice on how to cope with these feelings? How do I move on and live without this constant fear ?

I (F19) am 6 DPO (days post ovulation) and have been having intriguing dreams. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for several months. I know I am young, and I ask no one blabber on about it. However my biological clock is ticking, we have our own house vehicles etc, we’re stable and I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I have been having odd dreams the last few nights. I am a vivid dreamer and tend to dream every single time I sleep, always remembering most of the dream. I mostly have bad dreams as I have CPTSD. But the last few days have been different. I have had dreams about baby bunnies, baby hamsters, and baby koalas. In the rabbit/hamster dream, I was at some kind of hangout spot of what I can only describe as similar to a secret society, everyone there was very caring and all called eachother family. I was walking with my little cousin who just turned 14 a couple days ago, I have always been very motherly towards him and close, we talk almost everyday. We go down a path where there are real bushes in flower beds but they’re indoors. All the sudden little black baby bunnies start to spring back and forth across the path, ducking in and out of the bushes. My cousin tells me in the dream he hopes I get pregnant soon and I can have “baby bunnies” of my own. We hugged and continued to watch them jump about. The hamster dream took place in this little pizza shop I used to work in. They had renovated the location(they were expecting renovations the year I stopped working there, I’ve never seen them) the lobby area was filled wall to wall with aquarium tanks filled with hamsters. My husband loves hamsters, so we began to look closely at all the tanks and were laughing and giggling like little kids watching them jump around and play. We bend over and peek into one of their little hides and see two hamsters caring for a fresh litter of babies. We talked about how sweet it was to watch the parents of the babies sniff at them and nuzzle them. My husband goes to order our pizza and I turn around and see one singular tank of more baby bunnies. (I am more of a “rabbit” person but in both dreams I called them bunnies, not rabbits) they are huddled all in a pile together, sleeping. I asked an employee where their parents were, as they were obviously too small to be away from their mother. They told me they had none. I began to get very sad for them being motherless, knowing they likely would not survive. I teared up and told the baby bunnies it was all going to be okay and not to be scared. My husband hugged me and we left. The koala dream, I was walking down a dirt path, as if I were in Australia. I’m not sure what I was doing there but as im walking down the trail, several baby koalas fall from the sky into my arms. I catch them and begin to nurture them. Saying the same things I said to the rabbits at the pizza place. Telling them they will be okay, that I’ve got them now and not to worry that I will take care of them. They were in distress, wiggling and squirming about, after I soothed them they calmed and began to snuggle into my chest. What do these dreams mean? Are they any sort of sign maybe this is finally our month? Mothers, what were your dreams like before finding out you were pregnant?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/This_Musician7165 posting in TwoHotTakes
User account has since been deleted
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Medium
Original - 15th January 2024
Update in a comment - 16th January 2024
Final Update (Link no longer accessible)- 16th January 2024
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My Step Dad purposefully ruined my $900 prom dress by washing it! Is there anything I can do such as take legal?
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Edit: Sorry for some reason Reddit took my original post down. This is my first time using Reddit
’ve never posted on here, but I really need advice because I’m so distraught and have no clue what I should do I’m only 17 and don’t know if there’s any legal action I can take. So for a little background I live with my bio mom and her husband since my dad and mom separated and were never married. I originally lived with my dad since I was 2 he won custody during the custody battle. However he later lost custody of me after having a bad work accident that made him paralysed and he wouldn’t be able to take care of me but I still see him every weekend and the whole summer. I moved in with my mom and her husband and their two sons ,1 stepbrother and 1 half brother, when I was 10. And ever since then my stepdad basically directly and indirectly says that I’ve disrupted their lives by coming back into my mother’s life, because I’m an extra person they have to take care of.
I’ve been working since I was in 10th grade and saving up for my senior yeacollege since last year with the money from my job since my mom and her husband let me know that only my mom would only help me with the basics such as my graduation cap and gown, senior dues, and senior class photo. Anything else I would have to pay for myself such as prom.
I get paid about $400 every two weeks from my job which Ive been saving in full, and then making extra money doing nails about $100 a week plus tip which I use as my spending money. Since it’s my senior and last year of high school I’ve been wanting to go all out for prom so I set a $800 budget for my prom dress. My prom is in April and I wanted to get my prom dress early since most of the actual cute ones sell out quick. So I went prom dress shopping in December and found a beautiful dress that’s costed $890. It’s dark green with a long train with rhinestone imbedded into it with glitter in the dress.
When I first showed my mom and stepdad the dress they asked how much it was, which I told them the amount and my mom said that she wouldn’t be paying for a dress that expensive which I replied it’s okay because I have more than enough money saved up to buy it, and I’ll still have a lot of money left over (23k to be exact but only my mom knows that) mom said I could get the dress and that it was very pretty, however my stepdad said that it’s irresponsible and a waste of money and I should use it for better things like helping out the family and paying some of the bills. And get a dress cheaper that’s max $300. Mind you both his son’s own PS5 and multiple $200+ shoes.
Long story short my mom disagreed with him and I ended up getting the dress in the end and she even put $150 toward it.
However ever since then he constantly brings up that I help pay for things around the house since I have so much money to throw away but my mom always shuts it down saying that I work hard for my money to save it and I already help about with paying the Netflix, Amazon prime, and Hulu bills while my step brother (18) don’t pay anything.
Anyway last Saturday we got into a really big disagreement because my stepdad suggested I should help my step brother pay for his prom to which I responded with no. He later called me selfish and said that it’s not fair that I get an expensive outfit while he doesn’t. And I guess I said with in a snarky way I responded with that’s not my child or my problem. He later tried to complain to my mom and she said that I was right and that if anything he should pay for his own prom.
Well today when I woke up from a nap I noticed my prom dress was missing from my closet since it’s in the very front of my closet and looked around for it. I then asked my stepdad if he has seen it since my mother was at work. And he said he had, and in fact he was washing it, while giving me a condescending smile. I immediately ran downstairs and saw my dress being washed on the heavy duty cycle I immediately cancel it and it was ruined. Majority of my rhinestones came out and the glitter was washed out the whole dress had been mangled.
I took one look at it and then threw it a trash bag and left for my friends house with the dress. I texted my mom and sent her pictures but I’m currently at my friends house and laying on her bed. My friends parent hanged it outside to allow it to air dry so my stepdad can’t put the blame on them if the dried it in the dryer. What makes me know he did to spite me because he never washes clothes, cooks or anything since “he’s the man of the house so he shouldn’t have to”, so there was no viable reason he could have for washing it, even if it needed washing.
Is there anything I can do? I know neither of them can replace being they are tough financial situation? I’ll update you guys when mom gets home. So far my stepdad has called 2x but I haven’t answered him. And my mom’s at work and can’t receive calls.
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Comments
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Fancy_Association484
My heart hurts for you. Get him to admit it over text then file small claims court.

OOP: He’s not gonna admit I don’t think imma try to get audio but we also have cameras with audio imma try and use them when my mom gets off

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Rhodin265
I didn’t see this suggested, but since you’re paying for the streaming services, change your passwords and log out all devices. Giant toddlers don’t get their tanties rewarded with their stepkid’s Netflix.
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Fromashination
It would be a dastardly shame if Step Dad's favorite shoes were accidentally left on the porch in the snow all night.
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Update - 1 day later
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Edit 1:I don't know how to add updates so imma just add an edit but my mom and me just got off the phone and she's pissed and otw home. She's currently otw home so me and my friend and her dad are otw to my house and my mom said she was gonna call the cops as soon as she get off the phone so they may be there by the time I get there. We've taken pictures and the uncle (my mom brother) will be over there by 8 bc I contacted him while at work. I've listened to all your suggestions about withdrawing my money out of my account so I thinking and I talked to my dad about that as well and told me I can stay with him
Edit/Update 2:When I got home my friend stayed in the car while her dad walked me in, and my step dad was already gone. However police were at the house. As of now police said they can’t really arrest him because it’s not like he broke the law of stealing (I don’t know how to explain it basically this theft isn’t breaking the law bc he washed it and didn’t keep it) they suggested I can get a confession and get him to pay or take him to small claims court. Also the dress is non refundable if damaged so I can’t return it or anything. While explaining to my mom what happened I kinda fumbled my words and started crying and she hugged me as I cried. And she said that he’s gonna pay for this, this financial issue has actually been a on going disagreement and I think he just pulled the last straw bc she is PISSED. Also I talked to my uncle and he’s actually off work and over his way over here.
Him and my stepdad apparently have a rough history since my dad has had a smart mouth towards him in the past. While explaining to my uncle what happened he said that it would be alright and if anything he’ll buy back the dress before it sells out, so I’ll have my dress by prom but he does expect my step dad to pay me back one way or another so I’m basically probably gonna get my dress for free. Maybe that’s a little win. I’ll update more probably later tonight. But things seem to be good.
Edit: Also to clear up some confusion I pay the streaming service bills bc I really want to watch the shows on those services and my mom works hard but doesn’t make enough to have those services on top so I’ve offer to pay them so we could have them. She not a horrible “I’ll pick my husband over you” mother and she always defend me and he’s never pulled a stunt like this just tries to convince her to control my money and savings. And she’s never spent my saving either. I feel like thats why they always clash because he has a mindset of we have all these financial troubles and your daughter could solve them with her savings and you have access to them.
Edit/Update 4: Okay so my uncle came over and he and my mom had a little argument bc he blamed her for enabling my stepdads behaviour by not leaving him and thats why he felt comfortable to do what he did. And she argued back saying she always defended me against him and has never taken any of my money (which is true). We all talked about it a bit and she revealed that last night they had actually had a argument about paying off a car payment because she made a comment about how all these bills are taking a toll on her, and he made a comment about how it wouldn’t be that much of a toll if she used my savings and didn’t allow me to spend it on foolishness and she got mad and defensive bc he keeps bringing it up.
He also said that the $900 I spent could’ve payed off that car payment for the next 2 months. Btw he only know about my savings because he know how’s much I get paid and that I’ve been saving all of it. So we think that’s what triggered him to throw my dress in the washer.
My mom and stepdad has also been texting back and fourth and he admitted that he washed it to teach me a lesson that I shouldn’t spend that much money on a dress that can be destroyed that easily but he put the setting on heavy duty so he obviously intended to destroy it. My uncle has also offered to replace the dress so I don’t need to worry about not getting to wear my special dress. We called the boutique and explained it to them and they say they can order another dress although it won’t be there until Feb 23 which fine tbh.
My mother sent my step dad a long threatening message basically calling him out shes kinda heated rn so imma try and ask for a screenshot later. Her and my father also spoke and decided that it’d be best that I get my own bank account so that my step dad can’t use the excuse that she has access to my account so that’s also great. My mom and I had a talk about what gonna happen after this and she said shes not sure as of just yet bc it’s all a little too much for her bc she seriously contemplating leaving him, but i guess she don’t wanna actively discuss that right now. Also my stepdad is currently at a friends house. I’ll continue to update possibly may get one tomorrow. My friends parent are gonna keep the dress over their house and imma pick it up tomorrow to have as proof.
Edit:I apologise for not being to update since Reddit took down my post because of a “no walls text rule” that I was unaware of but it’s all good now
Edit/Update 5: My uncle has transferred me $1000 for my prom dress and I’m actually planning on using the money for replace the dress and buy new shoes. He’s very well off, which was one reason I contacted him in the first place.
So I plan on just calling the boutique and seeing if they can reorder it and I’ll just pick it up from there sometime in February. However my step-dad still must pay in some form, or at least we are trying to get him to. My uncle has called my other uncles and aunts (with my permission) to basically vent about the situation.
So majority of my mom side who all live in GA knows about what happened. I woke up to a lot of text about the situation given sympathy, as well as money to have for prom which have totalled to about $300. So this is great. My mom has also contacted my step-in-laws who then spread the news with pictures and I guess most of them are shocked as well other than his mother his is buying his claim that it’s just a dress and it was a accident despite evidence. I got a call from my step-dad sister sympathising for me.
And through conversations with I learned that my step-dad has also been asking a lot of his family to help him with his finances. Because for some reason the dude has bought so many things to pay off he can’t keep up with them.
My mom called my step-dad for answers which we recorded. And he’s basically trying to blame her bc if she didn’t piss him off last night then he wouldn’t have done it. And that he was trying to show me why I shouldn’t be irresponsible with money bc I guess he planned to lecture afterwards.
Also my mom has broken up with him bc he blamed her for caring more about me than him, which is weird. Which ensured in a argument with her saying “you think i care about her more than you, your gonna see just how much I do”
Also they’ve been on a rocky relationship since he can’t manage money and this was her breaking point.
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Comments
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TaffyAppl
Just saw this update!! Now that you have the text, please show the police as confession as destruction of property and/or take him to court to pay for it. It’s not fair to your uncle. Once you get your step dad to pay up, you can pay your uncle back. Girl Good luck!
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sherbear97124
What your step-dad did is called malicious mischief and is a crime. With the confessions and proof, there probably is a case. Just know that because of the monetary value, it's most likely just a misdemeanor charge. Regardless, you definitely have a small claims case against him. Sadly, by the sounds of his financial affairs, you'll be lucky if he ever pays, but it's still worth pursuing. Good luck!
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Update - same day later
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Edit/Update 6: Sorry to post on here Reddit keep telling me to try again later so sorry again
Okay so a lot of bs has transpired. Firstly we’ve place an order for my dress, and they are shipping it now and it should be at the boutique by Feb 23 so all that is taken care of. My SD and mom are officially broken up and my mom said she doesn’t now if she’ll move on with divorce proceedings yet bc everything is still fresh and lawyer are expensive and she can’t afford it rn.
Also they have a prenup so they don’t share assent and the house is my mother dad house she inherited (she had a different dad than all her siblings and all her siblings share a dad).
So my step father showed back up with his brother after a while and my step father decided to do and buy me a new dress from Macy that looks similar to dress in color and length but it’s very tacky and ugly. And look nothing like the original.
He then tried to apologise and said it wasn’t his intention to ruin the dress. he said that he was simply gonna wash it and say “see this is why you don’t buy things like this” and then he would’ve bought me another dress…. But that’s make absolutely no sense.
Also my uncle came back to my house after I texted him my step dad came back (he was at the store) and they got into a big argument where basically my uncle demanded to know why he destroyed the dress
And my step dad said he not gonna walk up in his house demanding shit, and my uncle called him a bitch. And then my SD said to call him a bitch again which he did and they ended up fighting. (My SD lost) he threatened to call the cops but we reminded him that he swung first
After that my step dad went on a tirade and cussed us out and left and took the dress with him.
We are actually planning on taking y’all advice and taking him to small claims court given the evidence and the damage. And hopefully we win. Also my SD is staying at his parents house currently.
Lastly for all curious about my brothers they are 15 (half) and 18 (step) .The 15 was at his girlfriend house since Friday so he wasn’t home for any of the commotion but did reach out to me today, I love him so much. And the 18 year basically sided with his dad so that all there is to say.
Also those who suggested changing the streaming’s passwords I have change them. And me and my mom are gonna get me my own bank account later today. Thank you guys for all the support I’ll continue to update as thing come and our plans of action and the verdict and all
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So when the Andals began invading Westeros there were more than humans on the continent. The Andals declared the non human races demons, and began slaughtering them and the non humans fled to the North to safety. Eventually the North was the only region with Non Humans living in it, and the non human races helped the Northerners repel the Andals.
When Aegon and his sister wives came to Westeros, the North was backed by the non human races. Along the years the non humans got Lorships also. The North is the only place to see non humans, as the South is very hostile to them. Many Northern Lords have married non humans, and eventually some people forgot there was a time the non humans weren't apart of the North. Races idea
Snow Elves (Taking this from elder scrolls): a race of elves that can live up to three centuries, are set apart from the other races for their pale skin, pure white hair, and icy blue eyes, they are completely immune to the Cold and rumors have it that they're capable of ice magic. Bran the Builder is believed to have married a Snow Elf. The easiest way to tell apart the Snow Elves are the fact that the females of the race usually have their hair grow to their waist, while the males prefer short hair and clean shaven faces. Ned Stark is rumored to have a snow elf great grandmother. Evidence supports this, as the Starks ears are more pointed than normal humans, Starks are paler than other Northerners, and live longer than normal for most humans, a Stark ancestor apparently living to 180 before dying of old age.
Lizard Men: A race of humanoids that are only found in the neck, this race is completely immune to disease, can breath underwater, and are said to be masters of stealth. Many believe the humans in the Neck have interbred greatly with them, to the point every human in the Neck has a non human ancestor.
Viga-maðr: the deadliest of the non humans, this race greatly resembles bears, towering over humans at 9-11 feet, this race has to have their armor custom made, and though some use weapons, many prefer using their claws and teeth to rip apart enemies. These bears have fur that can be as black as midnight to being pale enough they blend into the snow. Whenever a Viga-maōr goes into a life of crime, the other races are encouraged to contact the Viga-maðr, as one of them could easily slaughter dozens of humans and other races. This race sticks around the Wall, and are known to be the Night Watches greatest ally besides the Starks of Winterfell. Rumors say that Ned Stark sent a Viga-maōr to Kings Landing to protect Elia Martell and her children, and Gregor Clegane and Amory Lorch wore torn apart when the Viga-maðr saw Gregor attempt to kill baby Aegon. Elia and her children disappeared that night, and the Northerners refuse to discuss with non-northers what happened to them, Ned and Robert Baratheon having a huge fight over it that lasted until the Greyjoy Rebellion, where Robert declared the hunt for Martell and her children over. A Viga-maōr rules over the dreadfort, his ancestor having slaughtered the last Bolton centuries ago, and was rewarded the fort for his loyalty, and the Bolton Lordship was passed down to his descendants, The Snow-Paw family being the most respected and feared in the North, known to have extremely loyalty to the Starks
dwarves (taken from the lords of the rings and the hobbit) they would reside inside The Northern mountains

so i (15, mtf) have been really worried abt how my transition will end up going. i'm closeted to everyone except a group of supportive friends (to whom i owe the world) and i'm thinking of coming out to my parents within the next month or two.
i really have two concerns when it comes to my transition, one of which obviously being family reaction. idk my mom said that she'd love a trans child but wouldn't let them get hormones (i'd love a child with cancer, but i'd never get them chemo) but my dad has made fun of the "tr---ies" before so... (he does very much believe in "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" though, so there is hope in that regard)
but my main concern is probably passing (which i'll probably never be able to do bc my face is already not only masc, but ugly masc). i don't want to have ffs, it's just something i have to do to fix my condition, but i'm worried it might leave my face disfigured in some way, even though if i get a competent surgeon i'll probably be fine (my wallet won't be though!). boymoding sounds like dysphoria hell and i'll probably have to do that from whenever i get hrt to at least 3-5 years after that when i can afford ffs. presenting as a boy, even a feminine one, might genuinely make me want to off myself. being a visible trans woman sounds like hell, i don't want to be a crude approximation of my own being i just want to be myself, and also being killed with rocks for taking a piss doesn't seem very nice. it doesn't sound like too much to ask for but i must've pissed off some god in a past life or smth because i've been cursed with this.
i have a strong brow ridge with very masc forehead projection, a square jaw, and a big nose and those are genuinely killing me inside. i know ffs could definitely fix a lot of those issues but at least 60k for that in a place where insurance or universal healthcare doesn't cover it (i live in alberta, canada) is so much money that i'll never have to a point where it feels hopeless. alberta just banned hrt and puberty blockers for those under the age of 16 (and the conservatives, who will probably be in power next year, want to ban transition to anyone below the age of 18), and the only pediatric gender clinic in the province is open for six hours a month with a three year waiting list. i don't want to wait at the very least another year watching everything in my body degenerate into a disgusting male form but i can't do anything else so i guess i'll just rot in self-loathing until then.
i just wished i hadn't spent my whole life until abt six months ago repressing this. i knew that i was supposed to be a girl since i was 10 at the latest. my earliest memory is me wanting to just wake up as a girl. if i just accepted it back in 2019, before my dad got radicalized, before everyone cared so much about trans people, i'd be on hrt by now or at least blockers. why did my entire life hinge on the stupid decision of a terrified 10 year old? who deserves that?
i just wish i could be cis, afab or amab i don't care, it doesn't matter. everything would be so much easier. no surgery, no hate, no dysphoria, why can't i just be in the right body. seeing ppl online being proud of their transness is so confusing to me, why would you be happy about being this way, it's a birth defect. seeing passing trans ppl makes me feel worse somehow. it shouldn't, if anything it means that it's probably possible for me too, but i just feel like they were born wrong right.
tl;dr: teenage trans girl in a hopeless situation wallowing in dysphoria, even though she's incredibly privileged in just having the possibility to pause her male puberty before it completely and utterly irreparably ruins her.
sorry i just need to get this out of my system, even if it just bounces off some wall of noise
i think im gonna cry myself to sleep to Romantic Vivisection now

I am at a hopeless rock bottom right now and it isn't making any sense to anyone, so I am going to try here. It is going to be a long one, so please bare with me.
I grew up in a family where love was limited and conditional, for myself and between my parents. I had watched my parents beg each other for the minimal respect, change, and genuine love. I had too begged for those things from them, in which I eventually developed this disorder.
I have struggled with the obsession of love/true love/soulmates my entire life. I have had countless favorite people, in which I would have given ANYTHING to be reciprocated the kind of love I was willing to give.
And in all of these endeavors, I acknowledged I do not love correctly. I realized this when I got out of my first relationship when I was 18. I have dedicated the last few years to unlearning these things. I still struggle with the want to control, the games I want to play, the general pull and push. I have been trying.
I have acknowledged that what I envisioned love in my head is wrong. Love isn't the constant fight for reassurance or the constant proving myself as worthy. It isn't the begging, fighting, or the challenge.
I have told myself for years, love is in the little things. Love is learning a song on the guitar cause they would love it, memorizing their order so you can surprise them, or bringing a jacket cause you know they would forget one. Love is the small laughs over inside jokes, the loud laughs over little fails, and the shared memories that were created on accident.
Love was supposed to be in the little things.
But over the last few months, I have been shown a dark side of it.
I was on a work trip.
One of my supervisors gave long speeches at dinner about his fiancé and how their wedding in June is going to be the best day of his life. That same night, we went out for a few drinks. He proceeded to send a few other girls and I messages about "spending the night with him." He went on the next day like it was a usual occurrence for him.
I was utterly disgusted. My gut sat in my stomach for days.
Another one of my supervisors on this trip did something some what similar. He is "happily" married to his wife of 17 years with young daughters. But as happy as this man is at home, he hit on every waitress, took up countless numbers, and would disappear for days at a time.
Again I was disgusted. I could've easily said this was the work of nasty people, but it got worse...
Once again, on this trip... one of my dear friends/coworker spoke about his plans to propose to his 5 year girlfriend. We were all beyond happy for him. But within the night, he made a closer relationship with another one of our close friends. He started confiding in her of his doubts, how he is not happy, and he doesn't know what else to do, but marry her anyway. He then dedicated the rest of this two week long work trip to his new found interest in his friend. He gave her a sweet little nick name, held her hand, and walked her to and from everywhere they went.
I was very dumbfounded by this information. I was under the impression that they were happy at home and that they had found something people prayed for, but I was wrong.
When I returned home, I received some also unsettling news.
One of my best friends found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend (who is a very very close friend of mine as well). I have known her boyfriend and his family for 10 years, they have been incredible and wonderful people to me and everyone I know. So for the last 7 months, I have watched them prepare for this baby. They are building a house together along with a life and family. She was so excited. But as of last week, she informed me of him entertaining random women online. She said he described it as a thing that didn't happen before and he did not know who she was.
But Saturday, her and I sat down and talked a lot about it. Turns out, he lied again. He had been seeing these women their ENTIRE relationship. They are having a baby and he is out there with "random women" who he has been seeing for years.
I thought I knew him better, but I am incredibly disappointed. This particular event has triggered me beyond belief. I had watched them do my healthier version of love for a long time, only to find out it was one sided.
I began to look at all the long term relationships that have been shown to me in my life. My parents, never have been happy. My aunt and uncle who have been together since they were 14, have one conversation a day about the coffee machine. My friends from high school, who went literal years of break ups and cheating to now hitting 6 years. My friends parents, who have cheated divorced and remarried several times. My other friends parents, who have been on the verge of divorce over small things several times. And now all of these...
I struggle with what is real and what is not. I struggle with trust, intimacy, and connection. But I have been trying to get better with the hope that one day I can be good to someone and they be good to me. I have never cared about money, a nice car, nor a large house. I want to love and be loved and raise a happy family in the healthiest way I can. All in the hopes that i can experience love in the little things, like how I imagined real love to look.
Now I don't know what love looks like. All of my ideas have been disproven. My dreams have been crushed. I am fighting the urge to recluse and regress in all of my efforts in vulnerability, but I am distraught.
I feel like love romantic love is not real anymore.
I am honestly taking this more towards men than women, because of my sexual orientation and just from personal trauma, but I know that I am not supposed to do that.
I am turning away from a connection I have been trying hard to sustain and be healthy in, all because I am triggered by the actions of other men, my fears, and my new found hopelessness in love.
And everyone I talk to says this quote I have heard a million times, "I know love exists because of the love I give." I understand that love is real, logically, but i want to experience it. I want to know what it feels like to love and be loved, equally and truly.
But is the pain and dishonesty truly worth it? Is it something I would have to put up with to experience long term?
How do I even begin to when given this example of modern day "commitment."
What do I do? Before I ruin the connection I am building. How do I let go of the fear of being hurt so I can learn to love?

It has been 20 years now since 8th grade, but I can't help but think this particular incident negatively impacted me throughout High School and into adulthood. Here is the backstory:
In 8th grade I had a guy named Ben in a couple (or maybe most) of my classes. I knew who he was throughout middle school, but only really started talking to him in 8th grade. He was funny but at the same time had a tough exterior and was cool. I was a somewhat shy kid and didn't have that many close friends in Middle School. But I really wanted to "belong." Anyway, Ben would always make small talk with me and I started thinking to myself "Hey, this is a guy I could see myself being friends with." I thought it was cool that he was actually initiating conversation with me so I did the same. We weren't close, but we had mutual "like" for each other.
About halfway through the year, a guy named Geoff moved to our school (He was there in 7th grade but I didn't know him). Him and Ben were already best friends- not sure if they knew each other before 7th grade or if it was during 7th grade that they became friends. But I had him for a few classes as well, with one of them being in a class with both him and Ben (it was health class I think). We were "cool" with each other I guess until he started dating my ex girlfriend and she talked crap about me to him and it made him "hate" me. I don't even remember exactly what she said, but it was basically that I was a "bad person" to her after we broke up and of course he's inclined to believe his GF and will protect her (she told me on the bus that he hated me after hearing about what kind of "person" I am and another guy said he wanted to beat me up). I never did talk to him about it, I honestly just ignored it and he ignored me in return. Then they broke up within a couple weeks anyway because middle school relationships never last. So everybody is happy (or not).
So Ben is unaware of Geoff's dislike towards me which is cool, because he doesn't need to know our drama. Ben talks to me about having a party with some guys from our school at his place next weekend and says I'm invited. Basically we would play video games such as Halo and would spend the night. He told me "I'm inviting you because I really think you're cool." He also asked for my phone number (our house phone, I didn't have a cell phone) and that he would call my place tonight. He said "If your parents don't recognize the number, just say it's your friend inviting you over." I was on cloud nine. Not only was I getting invited by someone I thought was cool, but he said "Friend!?" As someone who had some social anxiety, I felt like the luckiest guy. Later that day, he showed me the invite list and my name was on it and there were about 5 or 6 other guys that I knew, including Geoff. I was cool with the list and figured since Geoff wasn't dating my ex anymore that his so-called "hatred" towards me didn't apply anymore. I was wrong.
In our health class, Ben was showing Geoff the list. I was sitting somewhat close, close enough to hear them. Then I heard Geoff say "rmchampion? No, you can't invite him, he's gay!" (not homosexual, but gay was used as an insult or a slang) Ben looked over at me and said "No he's not" and he knew that I was listening because I started watching them. You could see sadness in his eyes. My heart sank. The teacher (unaware of what was going on) started talking so basically it was a "We'll talk later" and the bell rang for the next class shortly after (I didn't have a class with Ben for the rest of the day). I was mortified and the rest of the day was a blur to me. I was holding out hope for that night that I would get the phone call from Ben talking about his party but it never came. I remember waking up the next morning for school feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't have the courage to ask Ben about the party and if I was still invited. It took one of the guys that was on the list (his name was Andrew), to ask about the guests to Ben (we were in the same table/group for one of our classes) and said "isn't rmchampion going too?" And Ben replied "No." I was crushed inside but didn't show it. Ben was never "mean" to me, but I feel like we were never the same after that. It was even worse when Geoff was talking to this girl saying "We need a stripper at Ben's party, you should come." Not because of her being a stripper per say, but the way that I was feeling FOMO.
Geoff ended up moving away again after 8th grade and I didn't really have any classes with Ben again in High School. Years later after High School, Ben saw me getting gas and he randomly went up to me and said "Hey, I remember you from school, I just thought I would say hi" and I'm like "Oh yeah, hi!" and he was like "Well, good to see you!"
I do think that really scarred me. Of course, I moved on from that incident and made other friends. But now I am terrified of rejection. Maybe that's why I'm still single. And when friends make plans with me, I try not to get too excited until it actually happens because I know that another "Geoff" could come into my life and ruin it. So, thanks Geoff, you made me struggle with confidence for years.
Not really sure what my motive is here, just want thoughts on this. I never really told anybody about this. Not even my parents knew about it. I think I was too embarrassed.

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, “Elijah is watching you.” He looked around and saw nothing.
He kept on creeping and again heard, “Elijah is watching you.”
In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside.
The burglar asked the parrot, “Was it you who said Elijah is watching me”
The parrot replied, “Yes.”
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What is your name?”
The parrot said, “Clarence.” The burglar said,
“That’s a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?”
The parrot answered, “The same idiot that named the rottweiler Elijah.”