So, basically, everything started 2 years ago when I moved to a new house in another city to finish my major in IT. In this republic where a lot of students live (8 at the time), my best friend and I went to live there. Upon arriving, I met this female (21), let’s call her S. We started talking and getting intimate even though she seemed like a good person. However, things happened and I tried to get away from her. But since she is crazy and we live in the same house, that did not work too well. She would do things like lock me in the house with her and hide the key, send her grandma to my house asking me to get with her, and all kinds of messed up things that I’m not writing here (if you want to know, ask in the comments).
It was basically more than a year like that. We were not in a relationship or anything, but that did not matter to her. Everyone at the republic knew but no one ever spoke about it and chose silence, even my best friend. I felt kind of bad because when he needed me, I was there for him. I tried to talk to him but he would always change the subject and did not like to get involved.
It was a year and a half like that. I literally would sleep from 2 am to 12 pm, wake up, go to college, and then come back at 11:00 pm so I wouldn’t interact with her. So, I started talking to a girl at my college and followed her on Instagram (I think that was my mistake where I am now). She followed me back. At first, I was really not looking for a relationship or anything, but I really liked her. She was a cool friend. But S did not like that, not even a little bit. How do I know that? I always was low profile. I did not like posting any photos on social media and all of that. My Instagram does not have a profile pic as well and I did not use it until recently, so I know that if I followed someone new, she would know.
So, after that, things kept going and I was not speaking to her. I had two best friends, one lived with me and the other one lived in my city. So, we used to gather at my place every Sunday and do something. It would come, he and his friends. One day we were talking and this best friend of mine showed his cellphone to this other friend with messages from her. I know that because this friend used to message a girl even though I was already talking to her. And when he showed the message to this other friend (let’s call this one L, he is going to be important later), he looked at me and said “you are screwed” and then we changed the subject.
So, for the next month, I kept my normal life as normal but she and my other friend (let’s call him F) started acting suspicious with her. I tried believing him and pretended I was blind and did not give a damn but he would always make things for me which he did not used to do. He started changing things in his life like going to college all day which was a thing I used to ask him to do so I wouldn’t stay all day by myself in college. He would talk about friendship a lot. I would also reply normally and then I felt like he was being an asshole and got mad at him and stopped talking to him so he would understand that I would do what he was doing (mainly the reason was I would not do that to him). And once she said all of my friends were assholes (she was right in here at least). So, going forward, I would speak to him but if he needed something or talked to me, I would respond normally but was still mad because of all of my friends, he was the one I trusted the most. He acted as if nothing was wrong which I felt he was at the time.
Then one day we were at the basketball game and he said to a lot of teammates that I stopped talking to him and he did not know the motive. So, on Sunday at my house with my friend L, he asked if I was not talking to F. I said that we are kind of in the middle of a fight but if they wanted to call him, they could. Then L said he would not call him since we were not on good terms And then I said okay, and after that, he asked what the reason was. I told him the story, saying I was mad because I felt like F was manipulating me. L believed that my friend F was a good guy because he has a girlfriend and all (he betrayed her after 5 years of relationship with his neighbor, which I knew and L did not, and I did not tell him of course, I ain’t no snitch). So, days passed and it was the birthday of S’s cousins, which I used to go to in previous years, so it was planned (she and her cousins are very close) because his birthday this time was at a public place, in a bar to be more exact. After getting there, I had a surprise because she was with another guy at a table, so everyone got mad at me because “I fought my best friend because of her”.
So, one day after that, my “friend” L said everything to his friend (I’ll call this one Y). So, Y and her had a past together and he did not like her at all. He was my friend too, we’ve known each other for the past 8 years. And then this friend got mad at me as well and everyone started making jokes and all, and I said okay, maybe I was wrong and went to talk to F. I called this other friend to go with me at the time because we used to live together in the past and he grew up together with us. When we arrived at his place, he asked us to wait. So, when he arrived, we started talking. I said I would never do something to mess up his life and he said that everything I thought to be true was only things from my head (as if I was crazy). He said sorry for doing something I did not do and asked if we were alright, and then I said no, we were not. I asked him to come to my house the other day and he came but acted as if nothing was wrong. We talked, joked around, and he went away. I still did not understand, but something was off.
So, days come and everyone on the chat group started wishing I was dead every day, which I felt bad about, not gonna lie. And then the break from college came to an end and I got back to college. But when getting there to play basketball, everyone was acting strange with me. I’m kinda skinny, well I’m way too skinny (I weigh 88 pounds) and they were guarding me with everything they had. I did not understand why, but I quit and went home. The other day, I called my friend F and asked him if he told something to them and he said no, I did not say anything, and then went away. After that, I started asking myself what happened, which messes you up when everyone refuses to talk to you. So, I stopped going to college for a month and when I came back to college, everyone in the college was looking at me with disdain. A lot of them would look away when they saw me. I did not notice until I got to the classroom. When getting there, I chose my place and sat.
So, in this class, there is this girl (I’ll call her C). You know, from when I started college, I ain’t going to lie, she was my first passion. I used to go and wait for her bus to come and take her home and all of that, so she would not go alone at night. But then came the pandemic and we did not talk anymore (mainly my fault). So, coming back to the classroom, she got up and then looked at me. I would not say disgust, but like kinda mad at me, but I did not understand at the time. So, I asked this friend for his water bottle because I forgot mine and when I got up to go to the drinking fountain, he said you can right there, do not need to go anywhere. I did not understand what he was saying but did not give a damn because he is a really good friend, he kinda helped me. And then she got up again. I, knowing her, knew she was trying to tell me something but did not know what. Then this friend (I’ll call him P) asked me to tell the professor why I did not come to his class for almost a month and I said okay and went to talk to him. I said, while everyone was listening, that I did not come because somethings were happening in my life and then he said it’s okay. I went back to my place and at the end of the class, I went out to the bathroom and when I came back, my things were on the ground, which I did not notice why at all. And then this guy came to me and asked if those things that were on the ground were mine. I was making a group with this girl since when the professor asked if someone wanted to make groups with me, they all said no. The professor even asked like that “Why? You guys don’t like him?” I did not understand why as well and just laughed. So, this girl that was making a group with me, when I came back from the bathroom, asked me to take photos of the papers. I said that it did not need to and then she insisted and I said okay and took the photo. When I got home, I was looking at the photos of the papers and I saw a photo I did not remember taking. It was the legs of someone which I assumed took my cellphone and took it. I kinda went into my head thinking what caused this issue. And then I remembered something I told F a while ago because he knew about this girl from the past. So, one day I was in the classroom with She also got up and went to fill her water bottle. I asked her to fill mine as well, but when doing that, I kind of got up and she thought I would go with her, but I did not. :( When she came back, she sat at her chair and lied down, which made me feel bad because I like her. She did not come the next week and the next, she was sitting behind me. She had her bottle on the chair and then I asked her, ‘Can I take your bottle?’ She said, ‘For what?’ I took it anyways and filled her bottle, came back to class, and gave it to her. She said thank you and I told F about this situation, which I thought was the reason.
Then, the other day in the classroom, I came back because there was a misunderstanding and she did not come. I thought she did not want to talk to me and I did not come for the next 2 weeks. Then, I came back on test day and like always, I sit at the same place in the classroom and she knows that, so she sat close to me on the day, which made me happy. Her friends would come every so often and pretend like they would kick my backpack. She got angry at them, looked at them, and they stopped. Then, after that day, I do not know what she said, but everyone treated me normally with no issues and I could come back to college.
So, until here, I have a clue or other about what happened, but I still needed to know who would say something like this to mess me up. Then, I remembered Y because every time something would happen, he would post something on Instagram. When I came back to play basketball in my city, everyone was treating me like crap and then everyone was saying to me that Y was my rival. I did not care that much, I thought they were joking. Then, one of his friends asked if he could sleep in the republic with my mattress and I said, ‘Yes, you can.’ Days later, Y on the group chat asked this friend of his if things went all right and then he responded saying, ‘Yes, everything went all right.’ (He probably slept with S on my mattress.) So, I started asking why he would be so mad at me and something came to my head.
So, Y’s father died of cancer and one day, F and I were at his house. When we were getting out, F looked away and passed this door without looking. Then, I came behind him, looked at the room, and it was Y’s father. He could not talk because his cancer was on his tongue. I looked at him and gave him a thumbs up and he did the same to me. Then, out of his house, I asked F why he would look away in that situation and he said to me, ‘I can’t even look because I pity him.’ Then, I said I would not pity him because I would not like people to pity me. But what F said to him was something different and he believed it. Then, he started threatening, not directly of course, and saying things to all the city like I used to have this friend when growing up and he went to jail because he killed somebody. I told this thing that happened to my friend F that when we were young, 10 years old to be more exact, he kissed a girl I used to like and then I went home and started crying. I said that, but if I remember, in that house, the room where S stays, she can hear us and she probably told Y.
Then, I went to my friend who killed someone’s house (his mom sells food, I buy there since I was a kid). After getting there, I bought my food and when going home, his brother and his friend got up on a motorcycle and passed very close to me as if they were telling me something. I did not understand why as well, but after some time, I understood. So, he is probably not stopped until I’m dead or he kills me and since everyone believes him, I can’t do anything. So, I ask, what can I do in this situation?"

Last year June my father passed away, my mum will be 85 this year sooner and she basically still deeply depressed. My parents had me when they were 40’s. I was walking on the street and envy ppl still have their parents healthy and they are still on thier 60-70 years old. I feel the loneliness that I can’t describe from words. I wish I could have my own family and kids to feel better. But I don’t. It’s too late for me I am already 44. I only have a bf.
I know my father is in a better place and rest in peace. One year just hit me and bring me back memories from the hospital and all chaos. I don’t know how to deal with this loneliness. It’s drown me.

Today is my birthday, and I've never felt this lonely. No one has wished me yet except my family over text. Last year, my ex ordered me a cake, and that was the first time someone did this for me. I still remember that day. I loved her so much. I helped her so much. But she cheated on me last year in mid-September, and since then, nothing has been going well in my life—mentally, physically, academically. I failed in all subjects in my 3rd year of MBBS. When I told her everything, she said mean things like, "Go get a life," and "All this is your karma." What kind of karma? Karma of trusting her, loving her, standing with her when no one else was there for her.
I tried many times to just talk to her, but every time, she broke my heart. And now, when I complain about all this, when I tell her she did wrong to me, she just says, "Sorry, forgive me." How can I forgive her? And how is it that easy to say sorry when you know you've crushed someone so hard?
Two days ago, when I tried to talk to her and I complained about all this, she said, "What do you want? I'm asking genuinely." I asked her, "Don't you need me?" She asked back, "Do you need me after all that?" I said, "Yes." Then I asked her, "Don't you?" She said, "I don't."
Why do people do this? Intentionally hurt someone? When you need them, you make a lot of promises, and the dumb ones trust in that. But when the need is over, you forget all the promises.
I have lost all faith in this world. Everything is just messed up. I really don't know what is going on. I wish I could just erase my existence.

(Throw away account, female (20y)
So this has happened for a couple of years, especially when I was a teenager ( I give her the benefit of the doubt because I was a shit teenager) but I finally moved out at 18 and went to university. Fast forward 2 years, I had a few things happened and I was going to become homeless. During the time I was living away from my mum she kept asking and telling me to move back if everything wasn’t okay and I finally did, I had no home and I needed somewhere to live. So after her telling me time and time again to move back with her to get back on my feet, I did.
I have only been living here for a couple of months, trying to find a job, paying rent with the money I have saved up because I can’t live here free. But since moving back I keep getting told “I never want you”, “when you move out again stay out”, “I wished I dropped you at a foster home after your dad passed away”, “you never do anything here” (I cook and clean almost everyday). I also get told about my physical appearance “jeez you have gotten big”, “you look fat in that”, “you look homeless, wear nicer clothes”.
And I understand a mother should never say stuff like that to her children but she is my mum and I love her. But recently it’s been more bad things than good things. And I don’t know what I need to do, cause I can’t really leave I need to stay here to earn money so I can move out again. But I also can’t leave the room when she is saying shit like that to me even though I have explained to her that I need to leave the room right now can we talk about this in 10-20mins.
And it’s also not just me that feels like this, I have three other brothers that agree. But I also believe she is worse with me because it a mother-daughter relationship and she never got along with her mum or even her sister.

"So, basically, everything started 2 years ago when I moved to a new house in another city to finish my major in IT. In this republic where a lot of students live (8 at the time), my best friend and I went to live there. Upon arriving, I met this female (21), let’s call her S. We started talking and getting intimate even though she seemed like a good person. However, things happened and I tried to get away from her. But since she is crazy and we live in the same house, that did not work too well. She would do things like lock me in the house with her and hide the key, send her grandma to my house asking me to get with her, and all kinds of messed up things that I’m not writing here (if you want to know, ask in the comments).

It was basically more than a year like that. We were not in a relationship or anything, but that did not matter to her. Everyone at the republic knew but no one ever spoke about it and chose silence, even my best friend. I felt kind of bad because when he needed me, I was there for him. I tried to talk to him but he would always change the subject and did not like to get involved.
It was a year and a half like that. I literally would sleep from 2 am to 12 pm, wake up, go to college, and then come back at 11:00 pm so I wouldn’t interact with her. So, I started talking to a girl at my college and followed her on Instagram (I think that was my mistake where I am now). She followed me back. At first, I was really not looking for a relationship or anything, but I really liked her. She was a cool friend. But S did not like that, not even a little bit. How do I know that? I always was low profile. I did not like posting any photos on social media and all of that. My Instagram does not have a profile pic as well and I did not use it until recently, so I know that if I followed someone new, she would know.
So, after that, things kept going and I was not speaking to her. I had two best friends, one lived with me and the other one lived in my city. So, we used to gather at my place every Sunday and do something. It would come, he and his friends. One day we were talking and this best friend of mine showed his cellphone to this other friend with messages from her. I know that because this friend used to message a girl even though I was already talking to her. And when he showed the message to this other friend (let’s call this one L, he is going to be important later), he looked at me and said “you are screwed” and then we changed the subject.
So, for the next month, I kept my normal life as normal but she and my other friend (let’s call him F) started acting suspicious with her. I tried believing him and pretended I was blind and did not give a damn but he would always make things for me which he did not used to do. He started changing things in his life like going to college all day which was a thing I used to ask him to do so I wouldn’t stay all day by myself in college. He would talk about friendship a lot. I would also reply normally and then I felt like he was being an asshole and got mad at him and stopped talking to him so he would understand that I would do what he was doing (mainly the reason was I would not do that to him). And once she said all of my friends were assholes (she was right in here at least). So, going forward, I would speak to him but if he needed something or talked to me, I would respond normally but was still mad because of all of my friends, he was the one I trusted the most. He acted as if nothing was wrong which I felt he was at the time.
Then one day we were at the basketball game and he said to a lot of teammates that I stopped talking to him and he did not know the motive. So, on Sunday at my house with my friend L, he asked if I was not talking to F. I said that we are kind of in the middle of a fight but if they wanted to call him, they could. Then L said he would not call him since we were not on good terms And then I said okay, and after that, he asked what the reason was. I told him the story, saying I was mad because I felt like F was manipulating me. L believed that my friend F was a good guy because he has a girlfriend and all (he betrayed her after 5 years of relationship with his neighbor, which I knew and L did not, and I did not tell him of course, I ain’t no snitch). So, days passed and it was the birthday of S’s cousins, which I used to go to in previous years, so it was planned (she and her cousins are very close) because his birthday this time was at a public place, in a bar to be more exact. After getting there, I had a surprise because she was with another guy at a table, so everyone got mad at me because “I fought my best friend because of her”.
So, one day after that, my “friend” L said everything to his friend (I’ll call this one Y). So, Y and her had a past together and he did not like her at all. He was my friend too, we’ve known each other for the past 8 years. And then this friend got mad at me as well and everyone started making jokes and all, and I said okay, maybe I was wrong and went to talk to F. I called this other friend to go with me at the time because we used to live together in the past and he grew up together with us. When we arrived at his place, he asked us to wait. So, when he arrived, we started talking. I said I would never do something to mess up his life and he said that everything I thought to be true was only things from my head (as if I was crazy). He said sorry for doing something I did not do and asked if we were alright, and then I said no, we were not. I asked him to come to my house the other day and he came but acted as if nothing was wrong. We talked, joked around, and he went away. I still did not understand, but something was off.
So, days come and everyone on the chat group started wishing I was dead every day, which I felt bad about, not gonna lie. And then the break from college came to an end and I got back to college. But when getting there to play basketball, everyone was acting strange with me. I’m kinda skinny, well I’m way too skinny (I weigh 88 pounds) and they were guarding me with everything they had. I did not understand why, but I quit and went home. The other day, I called my friend F and asked him if he told something to them and he said no, I did not say anything, and then went away. After that, I started asking myself what happened, which messes you up when everyone refuses to talk to you. So, I stopped going to college for a month and when I came back to college, everyone in the college was looking at me with disdain. A lot of them would look away when they saw me. I did not notice until I got to the classroom. When getting there, I chose my place and sat.
So, in this class, there is this girl (I’ll call her C). You know, from when I started college, I ain’t going to lie, she was my first passion. I used to go and wait for her bus to come and take her home and all of that, so she would not go alone at night. But then came the pandemic and we did not talk anymore (mainly my fault). So, coming back to the classroom, she got up and then looked at me. I would not say disgust, but like kinda mad at me, but I did not understand at the time. So, I asked this friend for his water bottle because I forgot mine and when I got up to go to the drinking fountain, he said you can right there, do not need to go anywhere. I did not understand what he was saying but did not give a damn because he is a really good friend, he kinda helped me. And then she got up again. I, knowing her, knew she was trying to tell me something but did not know what. Then this friend (I’ll call him P) asked me to tell the professor why I did not come to his class for almost a month and I said okay and went to talk to him. I said, while everyone was listening, that I did not come because somethings were happening in my life and then he said it’s okay. I went back to my place and at the end of the class, I went out to the bathroom and when I came back, my things were on the ground, which I did not notice why at all. And then this guy came to me and asked if those things that were on the ground were mine. I was making a group with this girl since when the professor asked if someone wanted to make groups with me, they all said no. The professor even asked like that “Why? You guys don’t like him?” I did not understand why as well and just laughed. So, this girl that was making a group with me, when I came back from the bathroom, asked me to take photos of the papers. I said that it did not need to and then she insisted and I said okay and took the photo. When I got home, I was looking at the photos of the papers and I saw a photo I did not remember taking. It was the legs of someone which I assumed took my cellphone and took it. I kinda went into my head thinking what caused this issue. And then I remembered something I told F a while ago because he knew about this girl from the past. So, one day I was in the classroom with She also got up and went to fill her water bottle. I asked her to fill mine as well, but when doing that, I kind of got up and she thought I would go with her, but I did not. :( When she came back, she sat at her chair and lied down, which made me feel bad because I like her. She did not come the next week and the next, she was sitting behind me. She had her bottle on the chair and then I asked her, ‘Can I take your bottle?’ She said, ‘For what?’ I took it anyways and filled her bottle, came back to class, and gave it to her. She said thank you and I told F about this situation, which I thought was the reason.
Then, the other day in the classroom, I came back because there was a misunderstanding and she did not come. I thought she did not want to talk to me and I did not come for the next 2 weeks. Then, I came back on test day and like always, I sit at the same place in the classroom and she knows that, so she sat close to me on the day, which made me happy. Her friends would come every so often and pretend like they would kick my backpack. She got angry at them, looked at them, and they stopped. Then, after that day, I do not know what she said, but everyone treated me normally with no issues and I could come back to college.
So, until here, I have a clue or other about what happened, but I still needed to know who would say something like this to mess me up. Then, I remembered Y because every time something would happen, he would post something on Instagram. When I came back to play basketball in my city, everyone was treating me like crap and then everyone was saying to me that Y was my rival. I did not care that much, I thought they were joking. Then, one of his friends asked if he could sleep in the republic with my mattress and I said, ‘Yes, you can.’ Days later, Y on the group chat asked this friend of his if things went all right and then he responded saying, ‘Yes, everything went all right.’ (He probably slept with S on my mattress.) So, I started asking why he would be so mad at me and something came to my head.
So, Y’s father died of cancer and one day, F and I were at his house. When we were getting out, F looked away and passed this door without looking. Then, I came behind him, looked at the room, and it was Y’s father. He could not talk because his cancer was on his tongue. I looked at him and gave him a thumbs up and he did the same to me. Then, out of his house, I asked F why he would look away in that situation and he said to me, ‘I can’t even look because I pity him.’ Then, I said I would not pity him because I would not like people to pity me. But what F said to him was something different and he believed it. Then, he started threatening, not directly of course, and saying things to all the city like I used to have this friend when growing up and he went to jail because he killed somebody. I told this thing that happened to my friend F that when we were young, 10 years old to be more exact, he kissed a girl I used to like and then I went home and started crying. I said that, but if I remember, in that house, the room where S stays, she can hear us and she probably told Y.
Then, I went to my friend who killed someone’s house (his mom sells food, I buy there since I was a kid). After getting there, I bought my food and when going home, his brother and his friend got up on a motorcycle and passed very close to me as if they were telling me something. I did not understand why as well, but after some time, I understood. So, he is probably not stopped until I’m dead or he kills me and since everyone believes him, I can’t do anything. So, I ask, what can I do in this situation?"

I rolled 50 times and no sign of arcana. So I stopped playing a week ago but I got 7 rerolls left. But Today is my Birthday so I wake up and decided to log in and reroll to test my luck and had a gut feeling that I will get something. And the last reroll out of 7 gave me Jugg. I'm greatful to get a blessing from GabeN. But I already own Jugg from last Candaywork. I wish there's a gift option for the Candywork for those in need

hi, im a 19(F) who in the past year has dealt with two ghosters who used to be my irl friends, but slowly begun to dislike me overtime for some reason - for this first ghoster, we will call them Apple and for the second ghoster, we will call her Banana for privacy reasons
so let’s start with Apple. i’ve been friends with Apple for 7 years (middle school-high school) and while we weren’t close close because of our different interests, we’ve gotten each other thoughtful and meaningful birthday gifts and talked on social media a lot — when we were seniors in high school, which was last year, after our winter break they had begun to ignore me on social media - we still saw each other irl so i thought nothing of it, but i still felt some sort of loneliness and lack of closeness from them. in may (last year) when we graduated, apple was still ignoring my messages so i decided to only text them every few months as to not bother them - around oct, i had checked one of our social media to see that they soft blocked me, and i assumed they had done so in the middle of summer sometime. they had also gotten into new interests within that time, something i actually knew about so that we could’ve had a convo - it never happened.
in nov, i had asked one of their friends if she knew how apple was doing, and the friend didn’t feel comfortable telling me (which i respected) so then on thanksgiving, i messaged apple for closure and an explanation in hopes of finally getting a response - still nothing. apple was even online, and completely ignoring and ghosting me. it really hurt me.
things soon took an invasive turn. in december, i had continued to respectfully ask apple’s other friends if they knew anything about apple ghosting me. they said no. i even offered to give one of them context via my text messages with apple, which i know now was a complete inappropriate move on my part, because even if i didn’t actually send them, i still considered sending them, which is wrong. i was desperate to find out the truth. apple unfriended me on social media for talking with their friend, but didn’t completely block me yet.
in mid january, our friendship ended. i was still feeling desperate and needing to know why apple ghosted me. so i messaged another one of their friends to ask if they knew anything about me being ghosted (i did not send anything personal). the friend had no idea but told me that they would show apple our conversation.
(i also put apple in my dni on my new social media account, made a sarcastic comment abt them ghosting me but also allowing them to message me if they wanted. i was feeling spiteful and annoyed at the time)
i soon got an angry, harsh message from apple.
the message was basically that i lost the right to know why they stopped talking to me (remember this for later), disrespected apple for wanting to share our personal information and relentlessly bothering their friends. (i do agree on that part and it is my fault, although i was very respectful when they all said they had no idea and i apologized to them all) — apple also said they didn’t ghost themselves from me, but rather distanced themselves from me — as they said, i agree that’s completely fine and normal - however, it becomes a problem when you don’t say you’re going to distance yourself from said person, because apple still had me added on other social media before that day, and apple gave me a heartfelt message in our yearbook (but I actually never got to write in theirs) - so ofc i got mixed signals
anyways, apple basically told me to get a life off my phone and that they will never contact me again. okay, i accept that (except the ‘go touch grass’ part that was uncalled for, but it was the heat of the moment so i understand their anger) — now, remember the ‘lost the right to know why i stopped talking to you’? - apple constricted themselves a few sentences later saying that they didn’t want to make a big deal ending a backboned friendship (of 7 years, mind you!), which im assuming implies that they never valued our friendship as much as i did. (ofc sometimes our friendship was rocky at times, but i always apologized in the end.)
one thing that makes me mad abt the message is that apple never took responsibility for their actions that begun all of this, never once replying to my messages and even knowing how much i was hurting from the closure message i sent them two months ago, they did not care about my feelings in the slightest - i know they said they would never contact me again, but at least think of the happy memories we had once before and once you’ve come down from your anger, take the responsibility as i did. but i guess i wasn’t worth it.
afterwards, i ended up breaking down and crying a few days later because the deserved hurtful message really made me feeling upset for weeks - I even vented to my own friends about the whole situation but idk i feel like some of them didn’t really care or just got annoyed with me because i did the invasive thing and probably still are so i felt like i couldn’t talk about my own feelings with anyone and take in my sadness alone
it’s been a few months since then so i’ve moved on from my first ghoster and i still don’t have many irl friends to this day, but i do wish them the best, even if we ended on a sour note. i’d say we were both at fault here, and it could’ve worked out had we just communicated and talk it out. but i suppose we’re better off and maybe we were just too toxic for one another. i am still sorry for everything that went wrong. i can only hope my first ghoster is too, deep down.
now to you all, i’ve told you mainly everything that happened without leaving any important details out. i wanted to share my mistakes with you and not keep it in the dark, because it’s important to own up to them. ik im just a throwaway account here, but i hope you can see where i was coming from, even if it was an unconventional method. i am sorry. i would really appreciate it if you guys don’t entirely focus on that part, but if you need to, i understand.
part 2 regarding my second ghoster will be up in a few days. if you’ve read this far, thank you very much. it felt good getting my feelings out to this community, i just hope you all will be understanding that. i may still make mistakes from time to time, but i will learn from them with each passing day. thank you.

my birthday was the 13th and my 2 closest friends didn’t text or call. i cant lie, i am pretty hurt about it since they’re basically my only friends. im someone who always tried to show my love and appreciation for my friends on their birthdays. buying them lots of gifts, decorating their rooms with balloons and etc. is it wrong for me to be upset?
one of them watched my snapchat and instagram story with my birthday post up and still didnt say anything. her birthday was just a few weeks ago and i made sure to call, text, and post some of my favorite memories of us together. im also supposed to be visiting her this summer. should i bring it up that it bothered me that she didnt wish me a happy birthday or is that petty?

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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Hello guys, am a lady 30 years in kiambu county. Life has been really tough for me. Am a diploma holder of orthopaedic and trauma course a course l regret doing. Since l graduated l have never gotten a job. I have been jobless since 2020. Staying home with my mum who's at her 60s. We go vibarua pamoja like washing peoples clothes. It's painful it's eating me inside especially when people talk about me. They think l don't look for jobs and God knows l have dropped many applications l have tried to see the county my and governor but my efforts were futile. When l look at my life l see no future just sufferings. I grew up in poverty and upto now am suffering. I have prayed a lot. What really pains me is my mum doing odd jobs at her age. I wish have a job to assist her. Recently my brother told my mum he can't help her since am living with her. I feel depressed l feel suicidal l have no friends l don't go anywhere am always at home. I hate this life. I have been fighting suicidal thoughts but recently they are winning. Honestly speaking l have given up on life. If anyone can come to my rescue I'll really appreciate l can do any job am flexible.

I 22F have been dealing with anxiety since a little girl. I grew up as the youngest child and was exposed to a lot of abuse and trauma until I moved out of the house at 17. My bio dad was bipolar and very abusive in every category. My mum has some sort of unidentified mental health condition, me and my sister suspect BPD. Growing up I was exposed to awful things. My mum would show me videos of animals getting slaughtered, awful crime shows. Would make me watch them. My mum is also an almond mom. “Don’t take too much Advil or you’ll get a brain bleed” “Don’t stand near the microwave or you’ll get cancer” etc and I lived with this all my life. On top of that I was hit by a car as a pedestrian and suffered a really bad brain bleed which almost killed me. I started having panic attacks really young. I remember in kindergarten my mum had to pick me up from school one day because my heart was racing so bad and I was hyperventilating. After my accident, the panic attacks would come on every day. During puberty my anxiety subsided and I was actually mentally stable. I was happy and living a good life despite living with my mum (my dad was out of the picture in my early-late teens). However starting university my anxiety took a turn for the worst. I started getting panic episodes so bad that I couldn’t go to bed without watching a show to distract me. Would smoke weed to get me to be tired. I would drink because it felt good to not be anxiety driven. I had to stop driving at this point in time because I would have about three or four episodes on my commute home from uni. I stopped using substances all together now. My anxiety has been still so rough and I don’t know what to do. I cry because I wish it would go away. I go to therapy and do the things my therapists tell me to do but sometimes I just ask myself why is it so efn hard? I just want someone to tell me it’s gonna be okay. I don’t want to go on medication because I’m scared I’m going to get a bad reaction to it. I wish I didn’t have to live in fear anymore. I have awful intrusive thoughts, fear that I’m gonna have a stroke, thoughts about cancer, thoughts about someone breaking into the house and hurting me etc.
I want peace. Sorry for the rant and I appreciate anyone who reads this. I know I’m not alone, but damn this condition feels so lonely sometimes.
I have a good group of friends. I have a loving boyfriend. I live in a nice home and go to a nice university. It does not make any sense as to why I’m feeling so worried about everything.
It’s exhausting.

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
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I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.

I barrowed my boyfriend's 2015 gray Chevy Malibu haven't been payed for and has insurance but I got into a accident and had no license i was at fault cops had it towed cost they said tire was gonna lose some rubber and could cuase another accident it costed $600 to take it out and drove it home 12 miles home then insurance picked it up again so see the damage cost they said it's a total loss and to keep it we would have to title it as a savage it runs good no emergency light on or check engine warning drives good but they wanna keep it or I can get it back what should i do I feel so bad about this situation so bad my boyfriend upset hes moms upset I don't know what to do please help us this a total loss is this fixable not concerning the damages after you think it's or should i keep it fix it my self or let It go I'm sad cause it's not my car and he won't have money like this to buy a new one it was a gift from he's mother for he's birthday few years ago 😞I feel so bad so so bad dang it I wish this was a dream is this fixable 2015 gray Chevy Malibu I don't know the size of transmission or the mileage or engine size but it's a auto matic its in the shop

Well, my son turned 16, and every year the last five years all he ever asked was for a cat. So he got two cats for his birthday 🥳. Brother and sister. They turn seven months old and Both are getting fixed in two weeks. Wish it was sooner but the vet where I live always is so full it takes months to get pets in if not an emergency.
Anyway, how do we make it not stink?
He paid $300 for a self cleaning litter box because they were so picky that if their box was not clean, they were peeing in my tortoise enclosure. They love their box, and use it well. But boy does that room stink.
It gets raked after each use and poo goes into a compartment. It is completely cleaned out and changed weekly!
We use pretty kitty litter or the kind that came with the Pet Safe litter box. He sprinkles, baking soda in it daily. And there’s airflow to his room. He washes bedding weekly. He does a full sweep and mop weekly.
They eat dry food only. They do steal dry dog food. 🤣🙄
What are we doing wrong? Is it because our male is still intact, or the female? Will this stop once they are fixed. Is the stink always there?
I don’t want my son to turn into one of those people who smell like cat litter when they go out shopping or leave the house. I don’t want people to walk up to my son’s window and smell cat. 🐱
My aunt has two cats and it’s not like this at her house.
-help-
I’m allergic to cats, not to the point that I can’t be around them, but they make me itchy, they make my eyes itch. If I take allergy pills it doesn’t trigger my asthma. So I’ve always been a dog owner. I have no idea how cats work.

I’ve been no contact with my father for a little over a year now. For some reason, I’ve been struggling a lot lately. I think about him a lot and find myself crying. I think I’m experiencing grief of the father I wish I had. Anyways, my father was actually the one to initiate no contact with me. He was emotionally and verbally abusive, and also tried to pocket scholarship money from me. However, I stuck it out and decided to maintain a relationship with him even after my mother and siblings went no contact with him.
In the end, my dad is an incredibly paranoid man and made a conspiracy that I’m involved with some issues he has with my mom (which I’m not) and he told me he won’t be speaking to me for a while. He has wished me a happy birthday almost a year ago, but I haven’t reached out to him at all. I decided I need to maintain no contact, because it’s absurd he initiated it when he’s my abuser.
Anyways, he has some of my belongings that I’d like back and I currently live in a different state. I want to email or text him requesting he mails the items to me. I am also considering mentioning that I cannot have a relationship with him until he gets some sort of help with mental health. I’d also explain why, go over some of the trauma he’s caused me. I’m sure he doesn’t consider anything he’s done to me as harmful, and might not even remember most of it.
I know I might not get a good reaction out of this. I’m not entirely sure why I want to send this message, mainly for closure and some venting.
Have you guys ever reached out in a similar way, calling them out for trauma they caused? How did it go? Did you regret it?

So this was almost 2 months ago now but I just couldn’t figure out how to tell anyone about it. It was the day before my birthday and, as we know, the milestones are hard days after loss. I was walking to a restaurant near my house to meet my parents for lunch and while I walked down the sidewalk I was just missing my brother and wishing there was some way he could send me a sign. I’ve never really believed in a higher power but I always wish that I did. Not believing in any kind of afterlife and being so science and fact oriented about death has been devastating and lonely on many levels. But I was so hoping for anything, missing my brother so badly knowing that I once again would not be getting a FaceTime call from him the next day.
I got to the place we were eating at, we ordered at the walk up window and found a table to sit at. While we were sitting there waiting for our food, a man walked up to the window who made me do a double take. He was dressed exactly like my brother AND the way that he walked and carried himself was identical to my brother. Before I could even process it my mom noticed him and pointed it out too. Message from the universe or complete coincidence, not sure if I really care atp. All I know is that it was ultimately a comfort on a hard day, even if it made me sob as soon as I got back home.
Thanks for listening to my rambling if you got this far, just had to share it with people who can understand.

For the ladies who no longer have a cervix, did you find your orgasms reduced in intensity after surgery?
My mum had her hysterectomy 20+ years ago and had always said she wishes someone had warned her that her orgasms would be less intense after. However, she is the only person I've heard this from and I can't find much support online.

Hi. I'm turning 40 this year I've had 3 rounds of egg freezing at around 37 and 38? I have 30 frozen eggs. I always really wanted a family as in a partner and 3 kids. I don't have a partner I haven't had a proper Ling term bf for 5 years. I date people but it doesn't last I also am pretty bad at dating in that it stresses me out. I used to model so I'm not unattractive I just have depression and anxiety so I can't really deal with dating apps a lot. My mother passed recently which is devastating. If I can't have kids I have felt all my life there's no point to me being alive.i feel my life's purpose was to be a mother. I feel like my anxiety and depression has always been around that I'm not living the life I wanted and if I can't have kids it makes me extremely depressed. Note I had endo when I was young so felt extremely depressed I'd never get to be a mother.
I have a father and sisters but I don't expect much help from my sister's and my father would help but he's in his 70s and generally I don't particularly like living here. I lived overseas before but I don't know where I'd like to be. I think being near my family might be hurtful because I'd like more support then I would get from my sister's and my father would support me in time and financially but kind of has no emotions he's not emotionally supportive.
I'm also worried about there being no make role model for my kids. The guilt.
Anyway I know a guy who is saying he would be happy to be a donor I'd sign away rights,I've known him a year we tried dating etc but he didn't want marriage etc due to trauma etc. He is in the army and overseas a lot and not the same nationality as me. He's from the US. I'm Australian. So I don't know the logistics of getting his sperm. I know another guy overseas in EU who is a pig but I'm sure I could buy his sperm because he only ever wanted money from me.
But ideally I'd like my kids to have a father who will have a relationship with them. Do video calls say happy birthday. Love them. The us guy would do that. The EU pig would not I don't think.
However I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a mother alone. I really wanted a partner but as I get older the likelihood of 3 kids is getting less and less.
What's it like actually being a mother on your own? Do you sometimes wish for a partner? My friend is a single mum and says basically no one will date her. Also I can't imagine I'd have time to date. When my kids get older and move out wouldn't I be lonely? I feel like I haven't had romantic love for so long.
How long do I wait for this dream of a partner and a family? Am I unrealistic now? Am I not trying hard enough? I guess the positive of having kids alone is I make all the decisions eg if I decide to move. But yeah I'm conflicted yet running out of time.
Any input? Thanks in advance.

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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Afew weeks after my 22 birthday I slept with a past co worker of mine that I had a crush on. Not somthing I would do again but I was 22. I was very aware that it was a FWB relationship even though I had a crush on him. The issues I have with him come from his behaviour. He bragged about sleeping with me with multiple men at work , he also glorified SA in a conversation once , he tried to rub in the fact that one other woman (in years) was giving him attention when he was hanging with me etc. He also called my roomate sexy and provided a lot fo double standards , he said alot of things that were misogynistic (I won't get into all of those but you get my point).
I was kind to him during and after our parting. He tried too hook up with me afew months after we stopped talking but I ignored him. Afew years later I reached out to him kindly about his behaviour , he basically said "sorry I didin't find you as hot as other girls" not in that exact wording but it was not accoutability and really had nothing to do with what I was talking about. I didin't respond at first but later responded back very callouslly calling him misogynistic , told him I was out of his league , he never made me cum etc. He never responded.
Flash forward it's been another few years. I have been seeing a therapist about my truama and hope to start EDMR soon. I reached out to him again ( I am much older now) about how I now realize that he caused me real life truama and that connecting with people is harder for me now because of him and the actions of afew others , I told him that accountability and an apology would have gone along way for my healing at first but I knew I would never get one from him. I then wished him well and told him I would not be reaching out again.
He apologiezed to me .. kind of , like he actually said he was sorry , not for his actions but how they affected me long term. He basically then accussed me of not being able to accept our relationship as casual because of my feelings for him and told me reaching out to him "concerning". I get this POS is not worth my energy but why is it so common for men like this to literally never take accountability , it's like they need to be in control. I think he was a closeted bisexual man , maybe he feels apoligizing is somehow a threat to his masculinity? Treating women poorly to maintain masculinity really shows how effed up gender roles are. Rant over sorry LOL.

Hi everyone! I found out something that I'm not supposed to know and I'm so happy and giddy I'm bubbling over and have to share it somewhere. Recently my partner (28m) and I (28f) went engagement ring shopping and picked out my ring after being together about 3.5 years. I am absolutely obsessed with the ring, and I could not love him more. During dinners in order to get off our phones, we usually play a board game together on his iPad and one night near the end of March, it was my turn while he was eating and a confirmation email came through from the jewelers "thank you for your purchase!" Fast forward 6 weeks, and he leaves work but cryptically says he has to "run a quick errand" and turns his location off, gone exactly long enough to make the trip to the jewelers and back home.
I don't know when specifically its coming but my birthday is at the end of this month and I know its coming soon. Im so ecstatic and even though I know there will plenty of stress during the wedding planning process, I literally can't take the smile off my face. I am trying my hardest not to ruin the surprise for either of us, I'm just so happy its finally here.
So, what do you wish someone had told you during this exciting pre-/early engagement time? What are your best tips and advice for someone in my position?

I ask a friend to make a birthday cake for my son. We have a big party. My mum is gluten intolerant and has gone to my friend and told her to make the cake gluten free but not tell anyone. My friend told me. I fell upset about this becuase most people coming have tried and don't like gluten free. My husband and I will try it but probably won't eat it if there are leftovers. I feel a bit put out. We said we will make a serperate gluten free cake but she wants my sons birthday cake to be gluten free so she can have the same as everyone else (which I understand) We are also getting a whole selection of gluten free party food for her. I wouldn't be bothered if she had just asked me and if I could guarantee a gluten free cake would be nice. What do you think. I need to talk to her