Manchester United vs Newcastle United

Location: Manchester, England

Stadium: Waterworld Manchester (formerly Old Trafford)

Date: Wednesday 15th April

Kick-off Time: 20:00 GMT / 15:00 ET / 12:00 PT

Referee: Stuart Attwell

VAR: Andy Madley

Head to head
02 DEC 23 Newcastle 1-0 Man Utd Gordon
01 NOV 23 Man Utd 0-3 Newcastle Hall, Almiron, Willock
02 APR 23 Newcastle 2-0 Man Utd Willock, Wilson
26 FEB 23 Man Utd 2-0 Newcastle
16 OCT 22 Man Utd 0-0 Newcastle
Manchester United possible starting lineup:Onana; Wan-Bissaka, Kambwala, Evans, Dalot; McTominay, Mainoo; Antony, Fernandes, Garnacho; Hojlund
Newcastle United possible starting lineup:: Dubravka; Krafth, Schar, Burn, Hall; Longstaff, Guimaraes, Anderson; Barnes, Isak, Gordon
Preview
Newcastle head to the red side of Manchester for what could be the last chance at Europe for Ten Hags side. Only a win will give them any real opportunity to head to Europe next season. Meanwhile, Eddie Howes Newcastle are looking to finish the season strong having only lost once in the last 5 matches.
While all of Scott McTominay, Lisandro Martinez, Bruno Fernandes and Marcus Rashford were back in full training last week, only the former made his comeback in the loss to Arsenal; the latter two were late withdrawals, while Martinez is still getting back up to speed with the rest of his teammates.
The Red Devils were handed another concern on Sunday as Amad Diallo - an effervescent force on his first Premier League start of the season - limped off in the second half with a knee problem, but he played down his concern after the match and should be fine for Wednesday.
That is more than can be said for Tyrell Malacia (knee), Victor Lindelof (thigh), Harry Maguire (muscle), Raphael Varane (muscle), Mason Mount (unspecified) and Luke Shaw (thigh), while long-term groin absentee Anthony Martial is still nowhere to be seen in the matchday ranks, even though he is also present on the practice pitches.
As for Newcastle, no concerns arose over the 90 minutes with Brighton, in which first-choice goalkeeper Nick Pope watched on as an unused substitute for the second straight match after his lengthy recovery from a shoulder injury. Kieran Trippier did make it off the bench, though, and is a candidate to start this one.
However, Callum Wilson sat out the weekend's stalemate with hamstring tightness and is touch-and-go for the trip to Old Trafford, while Fabian Schar (thigh) is making strong progress, but Howe may spare him until the final match of the season.
Matt Targett (Achilles), Lewis Miley (back), Joe Willock (calf), Jamaal Lascelles (knee) and Sven Botman (knee) are still absent alongside the banned Sandro Tonali, but Howe is blessed with competent options for change up top, including Harvey Barnes, Miguel Almiron and the fit-again Joelinton.
Hope the away support bring their brollies.

Other fixtures

Brighton vs Chelsea

I don’t know if this belongs here, but I desperately need some advice and neutral-party opinions. Context matters here, so please read the whole post.
“Did my friends bf k*ll my other friends cat, and the ‘replacement’ I gave her?”
My friend, we'll call her Tina, recently moved to a new house with her friend whom we'll call Amy, and Amy's boyfriend "Dylan". None of them lived here previously, it’s a new move for all 3 of them. Tina and Amy both work days, while Dylan has yet to find a job so he's home all day. Tina brought her cat to their new house, no other pets were present but they have a 3 pet limit. Amy and Dylan wanted to get a puppy, but prior to their moving, my fiancé and I had taken in a pregnant stray cat and Tina planned to take two kittens, one for her and Amy. This would have put them at the 3 per limit, leaving them unable to get a puppy.
Within the first week of the move, Tina's cat passed while she and Amy were at work. Dylan told them that Tina's old rickety box fan had fallen on her, which may have been possible, but it was NOT a heavy fan. Certainly not heavy enough to have done the damage that had happened to the cats head, but they had no proof and no reason to believe it was anything more than a freak accident. I drove to comfort her, and offered for her to take the mother cat as well as the two kittens, as the mother cat had grown to love Tina as she was often at my house. She accepted immediately, no hesitation. While I was there to console Tina, Amy returned home from work and immediately began speaking lightly of the situation, smiling and even cracking a few jokes. Imo, this was very strange to do considering her best friend had just lost a very important part of her life.
Tina's mom, grandma, my MIL, and a few other people truly believe that Dylan hurt her cat. I honestly do too, but there is no proof and Tina adamantly denies that he would do something like that. She claims that since he also cried while she was sobbing over her cats body, that he couldn’t have done it.
Fast forward to last week, about a month after the first incident. The kittens were ready to go, and having no proof and no real reason to have ever suspected anything, I sent them and mama home with Tina. I was sent photos and videos of them exploring and seemingly adjusting well. My fiancé and I visited them Sunday (3 days after they initially took them) to make sure all is well, and we noticed a scratch on mama's shoulder. When we asked, we were told she freaked out at first because she was in a new place sans some babies, and most likely hurt herself during this time. Sure, makes sense.
Well, tonight I received a text from Tina that mama had passed. When she was perfectly fine a day ago. The excuse was that they think she cut herself on the broken wood of their couch, which she could have, but if that were the case I feel like there would have been much more blood. Her back leg looked broken, but it's hard to tell in a photo. Two healthy adult cats have died each within a week of being in their home when only Dylan was there. Leaving them once again able to get a puppy since now there's only two kittens there. (Again, looking at that 3-pet limit.)
I haven't told my fiancé yet as he's asleep (I work nights) but he is going to be devastated as he loved mama cat (we couldn't keep her as we have two adult cats already and they hated each other, so this WAS a perfect solution). He is going to want to get the police or animal control involved, but again, there is absolutely no proof of foul play.
I know he’s going to want to take the kittens back, and I think that’s the wisest choice here since that house clearly isn't safe for animals, even if these instances weren't Dylan's doing. My question is, what would you all do in this situation? Are my suspicions justified? Do we have a reason to make a police report, despite absolutely no evidence?

All context is very important here, so please read this entire post.
My friend, we’ll call her Tina, recently moved to a house with her friend whom we’ll call Amy, and Amy’s boyfriend “Dylan”. Tina and Amy both work days, while Dylan has yet to find a job so he’s home all day. Tina brought her cat to their new house, no other pets were present but they have a 3 pet limit. Amy and Dylan wanted to get a puppy, but prior to their moving, my fiancé and I had taken in a pregnant stray cat and Tina wanted to take two kittens, one for her and Amy. This would have put them at the 3 per limit, leaving them unable to get a puppy.
Within the first week of the move, Tina’s cat passed while she and Amy were at work. Dylan told them that Tina’s old rickety box fan had fallen on her, which may have been possible, but it was NOT a heavy fan. Certainly not heavy enough to have done the damage that had happened to the cats head, but they had no proof and no reason to believe it was anything more than a freak accident. I drove to comfort her, and offered for her to take the mother cat as well as the two kittens, as the mother cat had grown to love Tina as she was often at my house. She accepted immediately, no hesitation. While I was there to console Tina, Amy returned home from work and immediately began speaking lightly of the situation, smiling and even cracking a few jokes. Imo, this was very strange to do considering her best friend had just lost a very important part of her life.
Tina’s mom, grandma, my MIL, and a few other people truly believe that Dylan hurt her cat. I honestly do too, but there is no proof and Tina adamantly denies that he would do something like that.
Fast forward to last week. The kittens were ready to go, and having no proof and no real reason to have ever suspected anything, I sent them and mama home with Tina. I was sent photos and videos of them exploring and seemingly adjusting well. My fiancé and I visited them Sunday to make sure all is well, and we noticed a scratch on mama’s shoulder. When we asked, we were told she freaked out at first because she was in a new place sans some babies, and most likely hurt herself during this time. Sure, makes sense.
Well, tonight I received a text from Tina that mama had passed. When she was perfectly fine a day ago. The excuse was that they think she cut herself on the broken wood of their couch, which she could have, but if that were the case I feel like there would have been much more blood. Her back leg looked broken, but it’s hard to tell in a photo. Two healthy adult cats have died within a week of being in their home when only Dylan was there. Leaving them once again able to get a puppy since now there’s only two kittens there.
I haven’t told my fiancé yet as he’s asleep (I work nights) but he is going to be devastated as he loved mama cat (we couldn’t keep her as we have two adult cats already and they hated each other, so this WAS a perfect solution). He is going to want to get the police or animal control involved, but again, there is absolutely no proof of foul play.
My compromise right now is either they give us the kittens back or we get some sort of authorities involved. That house clearly isn’t safe for animals, even if these instances weren’t Dylan’s doing. My question is, is that the right thing to do? What would you all do in this situation? Are my suspicions justified?

It all started on 7th of May when one of the discord servers I was in got hacked, then I noticed i was added in multiple 18+ discord servers and somehow someone changed my discord profile name and profile photo. Then, I left all those servers(including the one that I think got hacked) and everything seemed fine. After a couple of minutes people that I dont have in my contacts started calling me asking for dr*gs saying I gave my number on a telegram group( I have to mention im only in football groups to watch live goals and clips) but those people who called me were from the same country as I am so I’m not sure if it has anything to do with that discord server. The next day and for the rest of the week no one called me. On sunday night I used my pc to do a history project and the next day someone tried hacking into all of my accounts and he managed to change some of my passwords but I got all my accounts back except my tik tok account(because he changed the email and the phone number in the app so I cant log in using my personal email and phone number). I found out he was doing this from a S22 Ultra and I saw his location(he was at my friend’s school; so I suppose my friend is involved in this too). He also sent me an email saying that my family is in danger if I dont send him 100 dollars. The emails name which he sent this message to me is “pavlonozbuisness@gmail.com”. I searched pavlonoz on google and I found him on unknown cheats(from this site my friend sent me a gta hack saying its safe but windows defender spotted it as a trojan;I deleted all the folders that had to do with the hack and the notifs from windows defender stopped ) and I also found this guy on reddit(he is in Romania comunity(which means he is romanian as me) and in S22ultra comunity(his phone).In the same day people from the telegram group started to call me again and one of them sent me a photo of the guy that put my name on the telegram group. I wasnt able to contact him on telegram as i needed his phone number. And now he stopped since my parents called my friend’s parents so I suppose my friend and pavlonoz are in the same school or class. I changed my passwords to all of my accounts but im still scared he can still log in into them. Anyways today Im going to the police maybe they can track him down. Now the only account I cant get back is my tik tok account(i explained upper why) so if there is any solution of getting it back please help me. Or maybe the police will find him and he will log out with his account. What should I do?

It all started on 7th of May when one of the discord servers I was in got hacked, then I noticed i was added in multiple 18+ discord servers and somehow someone changed my discord profile name and profile photo. Then, I left all those servers(including the that I think got hacked) and everything seemed fine. After a couple of minutes people that I dont have in my contacts started calling me asking for dr*gs saying my I gave my number on a telegram group( I have to mention im only in football group to watch live goals and clips) but those people who called me were from the same country as I am so I’m not sure if it has anything to do with that discord server. The next day and for the rest of the week no one called me. On sunday night I used my pc to do a history project and the next day someone tried hacking into all my accounts and he managed to change some of my passwords but I got all my accounts back except my tik tok account(because he changed the email and the phone number in the app so I cant log in using my personal email and phone number). I found out he was doing this from a S22 Ultra and I saw his location(he was at my friend’s school; so I suppose my friend is involved in this too). He also sent me an email saying that my family is in danger if I dont send him 100 dollars. The emails name which he sent this message to me is “pavlonozbuisness@gmail.com”. I searched plavonoz on google and I found him on unknown cheats(from this site my friend sent me a gta hack saying its safe but windows defender spotted it as a trojan;I deleted all the folders that had to do with the hack and the notifs from windows defender stopped ) and I also found this guy on reddit(he is in Romania comunity(which means he is romanian as me) and in S22ultra comunity(his phone).In the same day people from the telegram group started to call me again and one of them sent me a photo of the guy that put my name on the telegram group. I wasnt able to contact him on telegram as i needed his phone number. And now he stopped since my parents called my friend’s parents so I suppose my friend and pavlonoz are in the same school or class. I changed my passwords to all of my accounts but im still scared he can still log in into them. Anyways today Im going to the police maybe they can track him down. Now the only account I cant get back is my tik tok account(i explained upper why) so if there is any solution of getting it back please help me. Or maybe the police will find him and he will log out with his account. What should I do?

This whole situation with Coinbase has been a nightmare. A few years ago, I convinced my parents to invest in Bitcoin, a significant amount for our family. Initially, I used Binance for them, but eventually, I moved it to a Coinbase account thinking it would be more secure (huge mistake in hindsight). Since they're not very tech-savvy, a personal wallet wasn't an option, and I was worried about potential tax implications if I transferred the funds to my own wallet. It's important to note that they are Spanish citizens living in Spain.
In May 2022, I transferred their funds from Binance to Coinbase. Late last year, my father started receiving emails from Coinbase asking to verify his account. Unfortunately, they ended up in his spam folder and went unnoticed. These emails were in English, which he doesn't understand, so he didn't think much of them.
Last Sunday, May 12th, my father informed me that his Coinbase account showed a zero balance for Bitcoin (BTC). Initially, I thought he might be looking at the wrong place, but no. Their account had been drained on May 10th, and all the Bitcoin was gone. Panicked, I suspected we might have been hacked. I tried logging into their account from my PC but it was blocked.
Yesterday, I spent over five hours on the phone with Coinbase customer service. Here's a summary:

• They closed my parents' account because my father failed to verify it. Recovering the account took around two hours.
• Coinbase claims the account was established with Coinbase Kenya Ascending Markets, even though all provided documentation is Spanish, and the account was opened on Coinbase.es
• Coinbase liquidated the cryptocurrency in my parents account, converting it to US dollars and sending those funds to the State of Wyoming (remember, we're in Spain, Europe!), only two days after the bitcoin were withdrawn from my parent's account.
• Their solution? To deal directly with Wyoming's Unclaimed Property Division.
• There's a website to check for unclaimed assets, but it shows nothing with my father name, and calls to Wyoming's Unclaimed Property Division go unanswered.

This entire ordeal has been incredibly stressful for me and my parents.
I apologize for the typos.
Similar story: https://www.reddit.com/CoinBase/comments/1crhva1/after_2_months_of_trying_to_unblock_my_account_i/

i had two premolar extractions last Friday and yesterday was just the worst lol (so far?)
nothing much to say about the operation itself, i was a good boy and my dentist and his assistants did a good job
post-extraction advice felt kinda casual, like he was confident it won't be much of a deal as long as i followed the advice to heart:

• gargle with some antiseptic solution soon (i actually forgot about this lmao)
• he gave me two more sets of the cotton ball things that i should replace after 30 mins
• no heavy lifting, no fishy(?) foods, no food with small hard bits like peanuts as they can get stuck in the sockets, minimize exposure to the sun
• brush more often than usual (after meals?) and use mouthwash after
• prescribed antibiotics and painkillers just in case they're needed

i was still able to do some errands after (since i was already out) and it didn't really feel like much. just weird i had a smoothie then for lunch which in hindsight i should've eaten with a spoon of some sort as the empty spaces make using a straw kinda weird and difficult
next day there was some pain so i figured i should try my best to just sleep as much as i could, had soup and tofu for my meals
Sunday wasn't so remarkable either iirc there was some pain but all i remember is that i devoured a tub of spaghetti
Now yesterday, i wasn't so sure why but like huh
i probably misremembered the days prior just cause i was already past them but i remember starting my day thinking "oh it's really getting better now"
was it because i tried eating fried chicken for dinner? or that i used my tongue so much to feel the sockets yesterday, only to realize after the pain had been getting worse that i should not have even done that? lmao
anyway the pain wasn't so different from the days before but yesterday it just felt like the pain kept on growing
eating the chicken wasn't impossible but i had to take twice the amount of time than usual so i could be careful
after dinner (i was still at work btw) i was giving myself a lot of pep talk in my head thinking stuff like

• if monks could do it, ignore pain and all that then i can too
  
• old people tend to have perma body pain so it's probably like this, it's understandable they're often so easily annoyed and irritated
  
• this is my life now, i will harbor this pain for the rest of my miserable life
  
• painkillers are for the weak
  

but my god
well it wasn't unbearable strictly speaking, but it was so annoying it was hard to do anything.
my cheeks and temples feel so swollen, and there was a bit of a sharp pain on the teeth next to the sockets. i even munched up a cotton ball like i did day 1 thinking the clot may have been undone but there was no blood in there
so i thought i'm doing fine, the pain is just normal
but ugh it just kept on escalating
btw if this pain is any comparable to period cramps - ladies life is so unfair for you and the whole world as a society needs to do better. it's bs that you'll have to deal with that while biological men don't, plus you get ridiculed for it
so i hurried home and took my usual shower and it kept getting worse somehow, like at this point i was getting chills from rawdogging the pain. it reminded me of that time when i had my hair bleached and the bleaching agent hit the roots. it was painful and when the lady asked if i was fine i said i was okay, but all the sweat dripping on my cheeks suggests we shouldn't continue because i was in pain that i wasn't supposed to be enduring
i thought "huh so that's why my dentist prescribed painkillers" as i realize it's late at night and there isn't a drug store nearby in case i really needed them
fuck it lmao
and here's the cool part
as i laid down in bed to sleep, the pain almost instantly subsided (or cut in half at least) like wtf???? the body is really an incredible miracle
it's like the escalating pain was my body telling me to sleep and rest so they can work on the anomaly, and true enough as soon as i closed my eyes and thought of dreaming the pain was gone (or did i actually die ie "no more pain"?)
the pain throughout yesterday was worse than the days before but unlike those days i didn't feel pain at all when i tried to sleep what the hell is going on
i woke up today and there was barely any pain, i can feel a teeny tiny bit of swelling on the same parts but it sort of feels like a hangover from yesterday's ordeal (and miracle)
hopefully it gets better from here and my teeth begin to move
have painkillers handy. my life is pretty boring so i choose masochism in moments like these ig

The novel begins September 3, 2006, a Sunday. In "physical time," our reality, Andre Agassi played and lost his final match of his career. Steve Irwin, the croc hunter, would die the following day from a stingray's three barbed venomous spinal blades puncturing his heart. Senator Barak Obama was still denying he was intending to run for President (he would announce in February 2007.) The number 1 song in America and the UK is Sexyback by Justin Timberlake. Egypt warned of Palestinian terror attacks against Israelis vacationing in Sinai. Charlie Sheen turned 41. 200 Taliban are killed in a major battle in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Iraqi leaders announce the capture of the #2 leader of Al Qaeda. Europe's space agency purposely crash-lands a lunar probe into the moon.
In short, nothing, on balance seems to have happened in the world that has any particular world-historical or even US-historical import. Just a day. Even searching back 4 extra days from September 3 - since we are told that the man viewing the art installation is now on his fifth straight day in the museum - nothing all that *important* seems to have happened on any of those dates, the way saying a novel is starting on June 6, 1944, or (obviously) September 10, 2001, or July 16, 1945 or November 22, 1962 would be of course trying to tell us something.
Q: why is Delillo's purpose (is there one?) for telling us this specific date? Why is it important that the man is there on September 3, 2006 watching this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a31q2ZQcETw over and over.
Q: who is the man? Delillo himself? Just a random unnamed character? Is it definitely Finley and Elster who are the two men who come into the room? The description of the older man "long white hair braided at the nape" [p.7, Scribner] certainly seems to suggest it is Elster, described in Ch. 1 as a man "with silvery hair, as always, was braided down into a short ponytail." If it is definitely them, what does it mean they attended a museum show together? Anything?
This is not the first Delillo novel to open with a scene where a movie, and anonymous characters' responses to watching it, is central to the narrative - Players opens with a movie being shown on a plane that is basically a silent movie of a terrorist machine-gun attack on waspy golfers, only accompanied by a pianist (yes a pianist) in the airplane bar filling in the suspense with improvised show tunes - and it is not the first to open with an examination of an art installation - Underworld, after the fantastic baseball game section - opens at Klara Sax's airplane bomber art installation commune. But this opening seems to introduce two characters obliquely, and of course only if you've paid close attention to the description of Elster's hair could you think back to it being him, perhaps.
"The nature of the film permitted total concentration and also depended on it." "The less there was to see, the harder he looked, the more he saw." [p.5, Scribner]
Q:Who is this person watching and why should we care?
Q: Did the opening sequence provide you any insight other than , perhaps, confusion? Something other than "what the hell did I just read?" What? Does your reaction to the opening sequence change when you know (if you did before this post) that the Psycho installation was and is real?
Moving on to Chapter 1 [p. 17, Scribner], we learn that we are on Day 10 of a 12-day period of time that relates the initial relationship between Elster and Finley. Finley, who is probably in his early to mid-30s and 73-year-old Elster are spending time at Elster's house in the desert to record a one-take movie of Elster's testimony of what it was like to serve in an administration that went to war under less than honest circumstances.
Our narrator is Jim Finley, a documentary filmmaker who has made exactly one film about Jerry Lewis's telethon appearances - Lewis, a "rampaging comic" to whom Elster would merely be a "straight man." [p.27] Elster, who Finley also describes as "not a man who might make space for even the gentlest correction," [p.22] is a non-political theorist being brought in to an administration to provide narrative to their war. I've seen references to him being based on Paul Wolfowitz, the political scientists who became Deputy SecDef in the Bush II Administration who famously nearly swallowed his comb to wet it to comb his hair in an image that likely sealed his fate in D.C. as unserious and ridiculous who was then shuffled off to the World Bank, but would Delillo ape the man AND mention him in the narrative? If so, that seems clumsy.
Q: Do you even take Elster serious as a character or believable as a "brain" behind the narrative of an administration going to war? A man who speaks in bad koans and aphorisms like "Time becomes blind." [p.23] and who reads Louis Zukovsky into the night? (Zukovsky famously worked on an epic poem called "A" for over almost 50 years, finally finishing it a few years before his death in 1978.)
Finley tells us: "To Elster, sunset was human invention, our perceptual arrangement of light and space into elements of wonder." [p.18, Scribner]. Elster has come to the desert to seek - something - we know not what and are not told definitively - but his narrative of what his role was in Washington was to create a interpretation of the "closed world" for the "plotters, the strategists" [p. 28] and ends up delivering to Finley what I think Finley was after - the cynical idea that Elster was giving form and shape to the government's bullshit narrative - "The state has to lie. There is no lie in war or in preparation for war that can't be defended. We went beyond this. We tried to create new realities overnight, careful sets of words that resemble advertising slogans in memorability and repeatability."
Q: Is Elster ultimately right? Did the country have a "shadowy need" [p.34] for such a narrative? See, for instance: "Let's roll." [probably in reality, "Let's roll it" referring to a beverage cart to break into the cockpit.]
"Shock and awe." "Global War on Terror" "Slam dunk" "WMDs" "The Surge" And perhaps most infamously "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques"
At the ends of the chapter, we get what counts as a cliffhanger in this slim novel: Elster's adult daughter would be coming for a visit, Jessie who was "otherworldly" [p. 36].

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hey everyone! I’m exploring an idea to start a meal prep service that provides healthy, high-protein lunch and dinner options, designed to be frozen for convenience. I'd love to get your thoughts on this concept.
The plan would entail creating dishes that each feed a family of five and contain at least 25g of protein, supporting those who want to eat healthily but don’t have time to cook daily. Customers would place their orders by Friday and pick them up on Sunday. The pickup location would be near a large freeway for easy access, and I'll use this time to prepare fresh, flavorful meals that are then frozen. I aim to keep costs at or around $5 per meal per person, making it affordable for budget-friendly families. This pricing is expected to be achievable with economies of scale as the business expands.
Initially, I plan to start this with family and friends. If successful, I aim to scale up and use a ghost kitchen to handle increased demand and maintain efficiency.
I believe this service could be a convenient solution for busy individuals and families. I’d really appreciate your critiques and any suggestions, especially regarding potential pitfalls or marketing strategies to grow once the initial phase with family and friends is complete.

I've got a 1/4 acre lawn, very irregular border (~360m including a few trees needing borders). Because the worx provided wire was too short, I used dog fence wire (of the same gauge and, allegedly, higher quality) for the boundary. That was 2021. This year I had three breaks (none at a previous join). One break was where a snow plow hit the yard (corner of a driveway). Another break was 15 feet away (strain transmitted along the length of the wire, causing a relative weak spot to snap? Is that possible?). But the third break was over 300 ft of wire away... None of the breaks was related to chewing (casing was intact for all but the first break). Knocked out most of a Sunday chasing these down (with a wire detector... Though ultimately strategic cuts and a long piece of spare wire was the solution).
Had anyone else had spontaneous wire breaks after a few years (particularly folks who used the original worx wire)? Anyone have experience with the "vision ai" no boundary wire landroid?
Ps I'm in New England, so freeze/thaw cycles are frequent and extreme (Sub-Zero and 60F in the same week isn't unheard of).

Hi there I'm currently an Au Pair with a family. I've been with them for over 9 months now and pretty much can't rematch because of personal timing reasons so I promised myself to suck it up and stay there (and also because I love the kids)
Over the last couple of months especially my host mom changed for the worse. And I've had it more and more that they let out really hurtful things without a second thought. (Examples at the end)
I have a pretty unique situation. I take care of two older boys which means I have to be flexible which I'm fine with. When matching with them I was under the impression that I wouldn't have to work weekends and now it happened twice already that I had to work all week + weekend especially on the weekend it was Friday-Sunday 24hrs a day basically without any time off during the week.
They also EXPECT me to care for the dogs. I feed them, walk them, take them to the vet etc.
I also pretty much do all the grocery shopping and cooking for the entire family being responsible 24/7 that there're certain things in the house. Host kids eat the last bananas in the evening? Doesn't matter drive out and grab them for the next day. I'm on my way back from a weekend trip and apparently we're out of eggs? Go grab them and get a lecture on how it's my responsibility to have food in the house.
Overall I am aware that this isn't normal but I want others opinions and I'm curious if people had similar experiences.
Examples of things they've said to me:
YOU are gonna cook Asian food for US? Bold. -No no I guess you can make it, I'm just saying it's brave of you to offer to make that I mean we're Asian after all...
All the things you're doing right now I could be doing just fine with a few alterations in my schedule so consider yourself lucky.
Hmm I mean all the other Au Pairs we've had didn't need THAT much help but I guess there's always a first...
Well you already know the last Au Pair was perfect in any way so I guess we were just surprised when we got to know you more.
comments on my eating habits when I am already underweight and they know that:
Dessert for breakfast? Interesting... (it was greek yogurt with granola and maple syrup because we didn't have honey anymore)
WOW! What you're eating right now is usually what you have in a week! (taking seconds during dinner)
She might not eat a lot of food but she eats dessert like crazy. (Taking a second pice of a birthday cake)
EDIT: I know rematching seems to be the only solution. But if I don't want my actual family to lose a couple hundred dollars (due to reasons I will not mention) I can't go into rematch nor go home early. This is me hoping and maybe being desperate for someone who went through the same stuff to have another solution (?)

When a dating app allowed users to mute specific words, phrases and emojis, singles quickly curated their lists. How did a few overused phrases become an “ick” for so many?
Being “fluent in sarcasm,” a love of tacos, an uncontroversial opinion followed by the words “change my mind.” These are a few well-trodden tropes of the online dating world, and there may be a linguistic explanation for why they don’t work on you.
The popular dating app Hinge added a new feature called Hidden Words this month. It allows users to hide the profiles of matches who use certain words, phrases or emojis in their messages.
Online singles were quick to express their eagerness to take advantage of a “mute” button for specific language that turned them off. “I wish I could mute the phrase ‘pineapple belongs on pizza,’” said Mitchell Allen, a 31-year-old in Toronto who uses Hinge and Bumble, and lamented a lack of meaningful connections on the apps. Mr. Allen said he would also mute any phrases relating to love languages and Myers-Briggs typology: “I don’t believe anyone who speaks like that lives in a universe of reality.”
Liking pineapple on pizza is innocent enough — but expressing it, according to much of the online dating world, is intolerable. And those using such clichés may not realize that they’ve consigned themselves to semantic purgatory.
All dating apps allow users to filter potential matches according to their age, gender and proximity (most also paywall other filters), effectively rendering invisible those who don’t fit the bill. But users’ enthusiasm for a filter according to word choice exposes just how specific their dislikes, or icks, can be.
Malia Griggs, a 34-year-old who lives in Brooklyn, N.Y., said that she couldn’t help being turned off by poor grammar, such as someone using the wrong “you’re” or “their” in a message or profile.
“I wish I could filter for punctuation almost,” Ms. Griggs said. She admitted that, while her dating coach had encouraged her to view habits like spelling and grammar as changeable, she continued to see both as a definitive sexual turnoff. “To me, it feels like you’re not taking the time to even read your own profile a couple of times, and we don’t have the same values. My values are grammar.”
Even if spelling errors and grammar aren’t holistic indicators of a person’s dateability, the best online connections are often forged by finding those who communicate through screens the same way you do.
This is often called “typographical tone of voice,” a phrase coined by Gretchen McCulloch, a popular internet linguist, to describe how online writing has come to contain the same social nuance as face-to-face interactions. It may follow, then, that glib statements such as “no drama” and “since apparently it matters” convey far more than those writing them realize — including an inability to read the (virtual) room.
“A lot of these cliché phrases, a lot of people take them to imply something else,” said Erika Ettin, an online dating coach in New York City. “‘No drama,’ for example, might be a euphemism for ‘Don’t bring up your issues to me because I don’t want to hear about them.’”
Having spent years swiping for her clients, Ms. Ettin said she wasn’t surprised to hear that daters could get the ick from an idiom.
“I mean, I could go on all day about the cliché phrases that everyone is sick of,” she said, listing off a series of generalizations of abundant variety — including “I like to go out” and “I like to stay in” — and the bizarrely pervasive love of tacos. “Like, OK, tacos are fine, but gee whiz.”
Adele Goldberg, a professor of linguistics and psychology at Princeton University, suggested that associating a simple phrase and the negative conversations that often follow it might eventually make the two synonymous in daters’ minds.
“This is basically priming,” Professor Goldberg said. “If you hear the word ‘apple,’ the commonly associated word ‘orange’ will also come to mind.” Using a word or emoji that had been primed to be associated with something else in recipients’ minds — like an eggplant emoji (apple) and a particular body part (orange) — was unlikely to pass muster, she said, even if the sender intended it innocently or ironically.
Ms. Ettin was skeptical that certain words could be divorced from their double-entendres on dating apps and was confident in banning a word like “oral” from exchanges. “I don’t think anyone’s talking about an oral report in the first message,” she said. “‘How was your oral report on Woodrow Wilson?’ I don’t think so.”
Reached for comment, a Hinge representative emphasized that Hidden Words was primarily a safety feature and a means of “giving people the agency to create personal boundaries around the types of interactions they want to have.”
But in a swipe-addled era that has increasingly led hopeful romantics to burn out, app users’ boundaries may be a barrier to interaction itself. Ms. Griggs would be happy never to see a profile referring to “The Office” again: “We’ve all seen it. Like, I don’t … it doesn’t even matter if it’s a good show anymore. Get a new show.”
How Language Influences Your Choices in Online Dating - The New York Times (nytimes.com)
What words/phrases would you add? I would add the words fit, cuddle, physical touch is my love language, just ask...

Hi all,
I've been on this subreddit for a few months and a common thing I see is that people are struggling to switch to cooking real food when reducing UPF intake as it can be seen as time consuming and laborious. I have been cooking since I was a teenager out of necessity as my parents both worked full time and often long hours. I have a busy job and live in a city so I've picked up a few strategies to make my life easier. I am cooking for 2 with no kids for reference, obviously for those with bigger families this may not be so easy!

1. Stocks and broths

Stock cubes and premade cartons of stock are a common form of UPF and although I still use them occasionally, I have found an easy and more tasty solution. I keep a reusable ziplock bag in my freezer, everytime I cook I keep the odds, ends and scraps of vegetables and herbs. Same with any sad looking veg I won't be able to use. I try to buy bone in chicken if possible, I also save the bones and add them to the bag. Once it's full, add it to a big pot of boiling water for a few hours while I go about my business at home. Drain and freeze in leftover yogurt containers.

1. Bread

No knead bread! 500g flour, 350g water, 10g salt and half a packet of instant yeast. Mix and leave it in the fridge until it's doubled in size and I have time to cook it. Whack it in a casserole pot with a lid and it's done in 30mins. Normally I will do the prep in empty time like waiting for the kettle or the microwave so it doesn't really take any time out of the day. Loaf tin is an even easier method.

1. Quick veg prep

A big game changer has been a mini food processo mini chopper (along with a good knife). Whack carrot, onion and celery in and you have the base for Italian soups and ragu. Put some chickpeas in from a tin and you have hummus. It will cut 10 mins of dicing into 2. I use the ninja chopper but there are many others, often they come as an attachment with immersion blenders.

1. Prepare double of everything.

So you're making pasta or rice? Double it - egg fried rice and pasta salad the next day. You're making chicken? On a Sunday get the whole chicken and cook it. Keep it in the fridge and you've got wraps, curries, sandwiches. I make double of every dinner (or more) and keep it for lunch then next day or turn the leftovers into something else. This is even easier, and especially easy if you bulk out your meals with beans which take very minimal effort and are cheap.

1. Soup Trays

This has to be one of the easiest things I've found. You can also prepare in the oven at the same time as the bread to save on electricity costs. Whack a load of veg on a tray, doesn't even have to be chopped as long as the sizes are pretty small. I normally use tomato halves, carrots, onions and garlic. Cover in fat of choice, whatever herbs and spices you like and bake for 30mins. Then you literally just need to blend it with the defrosted stock and you're good to go! I make big batches, just chop a bit extra for my dinner and pop it in the oven while I eat. It's also a great way to use up the random stuff in the fridge.
I would appreciate if anyone else has any tips to leave them below! I will add more in the comments if I can think of anything.

sorry for such a long post
We worked the Big as Texas festival this past weekend. It was like pulling teeth to get paid every night. We worked for Trey Diller who was over Inspire Production. He told us we would have a check every night each person would make $125 per day no matter how many hours they worked. Which for the size of the place and how long we were actually there was not worth the little bit of money he said we would get. We were tasked with walking around and picking up the trash on the ground and changing trash bags.
The first night was fine. We had problems with people backing out of the crew before we started so we had to scramble to get more people. We arrived at 10am and left 1am. The first night was fine when it came time to meet with Trey and get paid.
Saturday there were issues. We were running late because more people backed out so we had to get more people to cover those that refused to come in. We got there around 12pm and had one person show up at 1:30pm and a few more show up around 3pm. We got out of there around midnight. There was a separate company from waste solutions that were tasked for picking up and disposal of the trash bags. We were told that the company that were picking up the trash bags were short handed so they told us that we had to help them. They gave us a cart to use and two of our people rode around picking up the bags and throwing them away as well as making sure the crew was supplied with drinks and bags. That was not part of the original arrangement and we did not get paid extra for that.
Saturday we only got one break all day. And some of our people did not get a break at all. There were many more guests there on Saturday than on Friday so we knew it was going to be more trash on the ground and we did our best to stay on top of it. I pretty much stayed at the Jackalope stage all day and went through the crowd to gather trash as much as I could.
When everything was finished and guests had left we cleaned the property up and got rid of all the bags. We went to find Trey to get paid. He has said earlier that he was running out of checks and to try our best to condense how many checks we were getting. So we had groups of people on each check he wrote. Then we were told that he didn't want to pay everyone that night and wanted to know who could wait to be paid the next day. We told him no one could wait because we all live on a budget and needed to get our checks so we would have gas to come in the next day. Our entire group lives about 30-40 minutes away from the fair grounds.
We wrote a list of who all would be on each check and how many we would need. While he was writing them he was making notes on each group before handing us the check. When we distributed the checks, we noticed there was one missing. When we tried to contact Trey we were told that he wrote one for everyone and he didn't want to hear it. We double checked everything and made sure that everyone who received a check didn't have the missing one stuck to it. We also looked everywhere on the grounds and in the clipboard that we had. We tried to call Trey and tell him we didn't have it and needed it to pay our group. They had four people on it.
We had tried to call Trey multiple times and we're being ignored. We eventually had to go behind the gate to speak to him face to face to get the matter resolved in a calm manner. As the crew was getting very upset and we didn't want the situation to escalate any further. When he finally came up to the car to speak to us he was arguing with us and he eventually wrote it out and said he was going to double check his books. That was fine with us as long as our people were paid. When we looked at our checks as a whole most of our group were not paid the agreed upon price. Even the check we had to argue over was missing money.
After all that the whole crew completely backed out and refused to work on Sunday. We told this to the company. We would not have anyone that wanted to work for them at all. Once we told them that, we started to get rude text messages from multiple people all day. So we stopped responding to them.
We were told that lunch and dinner would be provided to us at no cost and water would be available. On Friday the Dosey Doe BBQ was supposed to be the designated place to get food. They did not open until really late in the day, and when they finally did open they refused to serve our crew. They told us to go to honor cafe and we were provided a burger with just meat and a small piece of lettuce and a bit of pico de Gallo. When one of our guys asked for cheese and ketchup they said no, since we were not paying customers they were not going to waste ingredients on us.
For dinner on Friday they said we were to go to VIP World and we would get food. They had a buffet style and were supposed to give out tacos. They did not have hardly any food. They ran out of everything so most of our people only got a bit of shredded meat on the plate and that was it. They did not have any water or drinks to give us.
Saturday we were provided with only lunch from the BBQ place. Because we had such an issue with getting food or drinks, I bought snacks and drinks to bring to the job with us. I spent nearly $90 to make sure we were able to stay hydrated and had something to eat that day.
That being said, sorry the post was so long but there is a lot to say about everything.

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Hello, I (23F) and my now ex-boyfriend (23M) broke up today and I am trying to make sense of it but I just can't. I feel so heartbroken and worthless. He had been telling me days prior that I would like his new place and how we should go to SoCal for trips, etc., all things that lead to the future.. We also had just gone to Vegas for his birthday. But he broke up with me today.
It was so sudden and unexpected. He told me on Tuesday that he wanted to talk to me in person on Sunday (today, and we are mid distance), so we met up halfway today. We didn't talk until today. He told me he wanted to break up with me because he realized he wants to be alone. He wanted to be able to make friends and meet people without feeling reserved or held back from the judgements of being in a relationship. He said he didn't want to feel self conscious anymore when meeting new people. I don't really understand it, but I guess I can't really invalidate his feelings either.
I have never stopped him from making friends nor did I want to. I value growth in both of us as individuals so I always encouraged going out with friends and meeting people (of course, not romantically). I told him that I wanted to stay together and work something out. He cried and told me he wanted so badly to work something out too, so I came up with several possible solutions, but he wouldn't want to try. I realized at that point I was just beating a dead horse with his contradicting actions and words, and I should just let him go.
I wanted to convince myself that if I really loved him, I should let him go and be free of that mental burden he thinks is stopping him from meeting people. But, the more I think about it, the more confused I am. I feel disappointed and I can't make sense of it at all.
I would really appreciate it if someone can help me make sense of this from an unbiased, stranger view.
Thank you.

I currently have full custody and decision making of my 3yo son. My ex recently came back to town after being gone for 8 months with nearly no contact. My ex is medication non complaint and suffers from bipolar causing him to be paranoid, irrational, erratic, delusional, aggressive, verbally and mentally abusive. It is nearly impossible for him to follow a schedule. I try to have firm boundaries with him as that is the only way to keep the peace. I suspect he is also narcissistic or has anti- social personality disorder. He has never once given me or my son an apology or expressed any remorse or empathy. He does not pay child support, he conveniently makes less than 10k a year so he is not required to. He has a degree but he “does not beleive in capitalism” so refuses to work a paying job. Instead he claims to be a theologian and is a member of the Baha’i faith. Unfortunately I think he is taking advantage of the kindness of his fellow Baha’i because one or more of them are allowing him to live at their house. He came back to town unexpectedly and called me from a pay phone. I do not allow him at my house because I have had to call the police on him repeatedly because he argues with me in front of my son and refuses to leave my house. He goes to my mother’s house (she is very kind to allow him there ) once a week in Fridays 1-3 for visitation. Sometimes he shows up sometimes he doesn’t or is late. But we keep the boundaries firm at Fridays 1-3 so we don’t have to deal with him always asking to reschedule because he has a pattern of doing that and it just turns into headaches and we can’t plan our lives. He has gotten pretty disrespectful and aggressive with my mother in the past and me and her don’t really see visitation at her house as a long term solution. I definitely won’t be having him anywhere near me I’m afraid of him. I don’t want my son near the Baha’i people because I do not know them and I am an atheist and I do not want my son endoctrinated into any religion. We go to court next week and I am still not sure what to ask for. I am going to ask that he do a drug test. He has a psychological and parenting assesment scheduled but not for 5 more months. We will be having another 3 day trial at some point after the assesment. I know my son loves his father (only natural to do so but I am sure he will learn not to trust him eventually) and wants to see him. I have asked for supervised visits in the past and that was denied, they gave him Saturdays and then at the next case conference he was granted Saturdays overnights into Sundays, that was before he left the country and I was granted full custody. I feel terrible like I am putting my mother in harms way having him over at her house and I am worried for my son and do not let him take him anywhere right now. I am hopeful I will keep full custody and decision making and I need my son to be safe. Should I ask for court ordered supervised visits until he has a normal place to live, safety seat for his car, passes a drug test and psychological assessment ? We are seeking an interim parenting order from a judge in New Brunswick Canada. I wish I had known enough to file for abandonment after his father left. He has been very verbally abusive lately. He texts me and calls me a lying whore and tells me to go smoke crack and die over and over. I have evidence of that and I will be bringing it to court. He complained about one of the masters, accused me of ‘whoring myself to him’, he files so many affidavits he is known at the court house. I hope they laugh when they see him walking up and not believe him. He is charismatic and charming as many narcissists are. He once became angry in court and aggressively told the master to take off his robe because he didn’t deserve to wear it - the master was not ruling in his favour regarding him taking him out of the province for Christmas. I’m hoping his mask will slip again at the trial - he represents himself, not because of money but because he enjoys hearing himself talk and the attention. Hopefully he will get upset and be thrown out of the courtroom, he also frequents my lawyers office bothering her with frivolous things and acting oddly. I missed him once by 15 minutes when I was there with my son and I suspect it would have been quite bad and traumatic. He had come to my house before and banged on the door demanding to see my son, he honestly makes me afraid and it is making my life very hard. I already support my son alone and now I had to pay a lot of money for legal fees for his nonsense. But I do need to have some kind of schedule nailed down at court because I’m not having him call everyday about when he can book or reschedule visitation. Advice appreciated thanks.