Isn't that usually how life goes? When you get what you want, you realize you don't want it.
I realized it wasn't about money. No genuine insight derived from theorizing about abstracts like sexual marketplace value. I started by asking the question, "If charisma and wisdom are 99% of the population's dump stats, then what are they actually doing to attract partners?"
And the answer, from my perspective, seems to be: they're not doing shit. They're the wrong person in the right place at the right time. And the more social these people are, the more opportune moments occur.
Then I realized that being social doesn't just mean going to parties and drinking and clubbing and such. It can be a book club or a workshop or a hiking group or whatever. It can mean pursuing your passions in a context where you meet others who pursue the same passion. And if you're competent at that passion, there's a good chance someone in that sphere is going to find you much more appealing than in contexts where you're not an enthusiastic participant.
If this doesn't sound actionable to you, due to social anxiety, then I would say to seek out the lowest forms of socializing and work your way up. Like small talk. I'm sure many of us hate it, but maybe that has a lot to do with our expectations. When someone small talks with you, they're looking to see if you're safe to talk to on bigger subjects. Which is an invitation to talk in general. I promise you they won't downvote you for a grammatical error and pedantically parse through every word you say like people do on the internet. There is no rule that says you have to meet them on small subjects. Bring up a quick witted observation about the immediate environment. Make a joke about how you're glad you didn't get stuck in a "good, how are you" loop (again). Use your strength of creativity to your advantage
Anyway, the point I'm making is we can be social creatures in a way that doesn't take chunks out of our flesh. And when you realize the art of attraction is not all that mysterious and obscure, and fomo no longer takes up 50% of your daily emotional bandwidth, you'll realize that you've found things of value other than sex and romantic relationships: friendship, new creative outlets, new intellectual outlets, and possibly cure your chronic vitamin D deficiency

This post is part of a series of reviews. To see them all, click here.

Season Information

• Airdates: 30th August 1980 - 21st March 1981
• Doctor: 4th (Tom Baker)
• Companions: K-9 (V/A: John Leeson, S18E01-20), Romana II (Lalla Ward, S18E01-20), Adric (Matthew Waterhouse, S18E09-28), Nyssa (Sarah Sutton, S18E21-28), Tegan (Janet Fielding, S18E25-28)
• Other Notable Characters: The Decayed Master (Geoffrey Beevers, S18E21-24), The Tremas Master (Anthony Ainley, S18E24-28)
• Producer: John Nathan-Turner
• Script Editors: Christopher H. Bidmead

Review

In retrospect I really shouldn't have called Season 15 "The Transitional Season". Because, well, Season 18 is obviously the Doctor Who season most clearly transitioning between eras. So much so that by the end of the season the only thing left of the 4th Doctor era is the 4th Doctor himself. Through this season, the 4th Doctor, Romana and K-9 become the 5th Doctor, Adric, Nyssa and Tegan. And it leads to kind of an odd feeling.
It's also notable that there's a serious tonal change that happens this season. While Graham Williams never quite got to make the comedy era of Doctor Who that he wanted to, he did give it a more relaxed and free-flowing atmosphere. Under new Producer John Nathan-Turner, as well as new Script Editor Christopher H. Bidmead, the story veers right back into being a more serious show. And for the first time, there was real effort being put into grounding a lot of the stories in real science. And while the actual science involved isn't really accurate, I do think it has a positive impact on the season as a whole. The science on Doctor Who is always made up, but at least this way it feels like we're pointing in the vague direction of something real.
It's certainly a refreshing change of pace from the rest of the 4th Doctor era. The 4th Doctor era, at least from Season 13 onwards had a tendency to feel very gimmicky. During the Hinchcliffe era it was taking popular horror stories like Frankenstein or The Mummy and adapting them for Doctor Who. During the Williams era, that shifted more towards genre parodies, with some journeys in to Greek mythology. Season 18 feels kind of refreshing in large part because…there's not really any obvious influences. Sure we're pulling from real science, both in individual episodes and in a more general sense with the broad theme of entropy, but that feels a lot less invasive than pulling from more famous media.
Which leads us nicely to the entropy thing. Season 18, at least in theory, has an overarching theme of "entropy". Or more accurately it has an overarching theme of "decay" that sometimes takes on the form of entropy. Because look, there's nothing especially entropic about the vampires in State of Decay or the way the Argolins are dying out in The Leisure Hive, but it still falls into the larger umbrella of decay. Which gives this season a fairly melancholic tone to it on the whole. Throughout the entire season, things seem to be falling apart, especially once we get to E-Space. Warriors' Gate is full of all of this imagery of past riches fading into nothing, Keeper of Traken is literally about an entirely way of life nearly falling apart, and Logopolis is where we, really and truly, get the entropy theme, for real this time. But also…
Logopolis, in which the Doctor dies, briefly turns into a man with white cracked skin only to sit up looking about a decade younger, is probably the best indication of the other half of our decay theme. Because Doctor Who is a show where things generally work out for the best, this is a season that is as much about rebirth as it is about decay. The Argolins from Leisure Hive are given a chance at new life for their civilization. The peoples with meet in the E-Space Trilogy all ultimately get delivered from their decaying societies and given a chance to build back up to something new. In Meglos…I guess at the end there the people of Tigella do ultimately get to live on the surface of their planet…somehow. Even in Keeper of Traken the story leaves the Trakenite people on something of a hopeful note, with a new Keeper installed to look after it. Sure, in Logopolis we learn that the Master apparently blew up Traken off screen (if I had a nickel for every time the Master blew up a planet off screen…) along with its entire solar system, but at least at the end of Keeper things are looking hopeful.
And that idea of renewal kind of extends to the show itself right? Like this is clearly a season that's transitioning into a new, renewed version of itself, at least in theory. That's why we lose Romana and the robot dog, and replace them with a couple of kids and a fairly young flight attendant. John Nathan-Turner felt that the trio of Romana, K-9 and the Doctor were too invulnerable, which is why he decided to write out the two surplus geniuses. You can see this in how stories are structured. Generally speaking in the five stories that Romana and K-9 are in this season, Romana is either confined to her own subplot or taken out of commission, while K-9 is so constantly dismantled or on very low power, it begins to feel like a running gag by the time he leaves.
And at the same time, this season shows us Romana at the absolute height of her competence. She's basically the Doctor's equal by the time we enter E-Space. I think that's why I feel like it was the right time for Romana to leave: she'd done all the developing she needed to. There was nowhere to take the character without making the show just as much about her as it was about the Doctor. So while losing Romana, and Lalla Ward with her, is a shame, it was the right time to drop her. Losing K-9 on the other hand…look the TARDIS is already about to get exceptionally crowded and unless you don't bring Nyssa back in Logopolis there really isn't time for the robot dog, but I'd argue that there was no need to drop K-9 from the show. His presence making the TARDIS team "unassailable" just doesn't hold up, as him continually being dismantled throughout this season proves. And, as Tom Baker once observed in one of the funniest outtakes in Doctor Who history "you [K-9] never fucking know the answer when it's important".
But we do eventually have to introduce the younger folks. It starts out with Alzarian teenager turned TARDIS stowaway Adric. Adric has a reputation as an awful companion, though personally I've never been that down on him. I don't love the character, but he's perfectly acceptable in small doses. The biggest issue I take with him is that he plays into the sullen teenager a bit too much. The moody teenage genius is just not an enjoyable character to follow along with, and it's only going to get worse next season. However, there are moments, particularly in Keeper of Traken where the student/pupil dynamic with the Doctor makes him genuinely likable. Also, his obvious crush on Nyssa, more seen in Logopolis is fairly endearing. But a lot of the time he's just, and I've used this phrase before, an arrogant little shit. And I think it is fair to point out that Matthew Waterhouse, inexperienced as he was, often gives a very wooden performance.
Nyssa is introduced in Keeper of Traken. There we see her interacting on her own homeworld. She takes initiative a number of times in that story, mostly during the jailbreak section which she organizes. In Logopolis she's out searching for her father and that's when she has the rug pulled out from under her. She learns that, in short order, the Master killed her father and then that he destroyed her home system. Between the two stories we get a really solid setup for Nyssa, and Sarah Sutton is really solid in the role, though whether the show will follow through on any of this in the next couple seasons…is a story for another time. And speaking of characters whose somewhat tragic first couple stories often get overlooked, in her first story Tegan learns that the Master has killed her aunt, who she was clearly quite close to. Sure, it's not on the level of Nyssa's loss, but it's not a competition. Tegan, like Nyssa, gets a strong introduction, and like Nyssa we'll see in the future how successful the followup to that introduction is.
And then, there's the Doctor. Amidst all of this change, he's the one thing that stays constant from the prior era, and he ends up feeling a bit out of place by the end of season as a result. Some of this is in retrospect of course. It's only weird seeing the 4th Doctor with Nyssa and Tegan because we think of these two as 5th Doctor companions. But I do think that there's something to the idea that the 4th Doctor belonged to the 1970s. We've now reached the 1980s and the scarf man has somewhat been left behind. Or that may be because Tom Baker just seems tired this season. He's not putting in bad work, because he knows the character too well to do that, but he does seem more disconnected than ever. Of course if I'm going to mention this, I should mention that Baker was getting over an illness during the filming of the E-Space trilogy. And he has his moments of higher energy, particularly in Keeper of Traken for whatever reason. But there are also times, even before the illness, where Tom looks like he's sleepwalking through all of this. I think it's fair to say it was time for him to leave.
On a technical level there are some changes. The Doctor's costume changed substantially, and the rest of the cast will be wearing the same clothes they were introduced in for the rest of next season (well okay, Nyssa's outfit will undergo some minor alterations). It's one of the less well-handled elements of the JNT era: people stop dressing like people, but end up stuck in costumes. This will somewhat ameliorate as time goes on, but it's something worth noting: it starts early, and was very intentional. JNT explicitly wanted all of his main cast to be wearing "uniforms". Musically we've undergone a big change as well. Dudley Simpson is gone and he's been replaced by a rotating cast of composers from the BBC Radiophonics workshop. These are all solid at bare minimum, with my favorite probably being Paddy Kingsland. As a result of this change, the style has changed considerably. Over the course of Simpson's time as composer, the show became more and more orchestral, whereas under the Radiophonics composers we've gone in a more electronic direction. It's a big shift, but by the end of the season it feels natural, and I think Doctor Who does well with a synth sound.
Season 18 begins the reign of Doctor Who's final producer. Eventually JNT will stay on too long, as even he would admit, but at this point all of his ideas feel new and fresh. They aren't all improvements, though some are, but Season 18 does feel entirely different from what came before it, and there's value in that. More than that though, other than enforcing a more serious tone than the Graham Williams era, Season 18 ends up feeling like it's going back to basics. Sure it's got an arc (two of them in fact) but all of the stories feel a lot less constrained by a style than earlier 4th Doctor era stories, which works to it's advantage. Genuinely, this is a strong season, a strong start to John Nathan-Turner's run as producer, and a strong end to the 4th Doctor era.
Even if, you know, it already felt like the show had left him behind well before he regenerated.

Awards

Best Story: State of Decay
What can I say, I like it when old Uncle Terry does horror. It's odd, I'll admit, to have talked up so much how refreshing it felt to have a season that didn't rely so much on gimmicks and then to say that my favorite story from said season to be the vampire pastiche but…I'm allowed to be self contradictory if I like. And genuinely, State of Decay works so well that it's worth highlighting my own inconsistency to highlight the story.
Worst Story: Meglos
Meglos (the character) has no motivation, the stuff on Tigella is the most boring version of a conflict we've done…probably dozens of times at this point, none of the characters are at all memorable…what a waste of the return of Jacqueline Hill.
Most Important: The Keeper of Traken
Logopolis has the regeneration and introduction of block-transfer computation, so this was a closely run thing. But Keeper introduces the version of the Master that will be sticking around for the remainder of the show, sets up a lot about Logopolis, and introduces a new companion. Like I said it's close, but this feels like the right call to me. I also could have gone with Warriors' Gate, but Keeper and Logopolis both feel much more significant to me.
Funniest Story: N/A
Often times when there's not really a comedy in a season, I go for the strangest story as a sort of proxy for the funniest story. But the strangest story this season was Warriors' Gate, and it's not the right kind of strange to qualify for this award. So we're leaving this space blank, as JNT intentionally tries to move the show away from what Graham Williams was doing with it.
Scariest Story: State of Decay
I had to chose which was scarier between the destruction of the universe via entropy or vampires and went with vampires. I think my sense of scale might be borked.

Rankings

1. State of Decay (8/10)
2. Warriors' Gate (8/10)
3. The Leisure Hive (7/10)
4. The Keeper of Traken (7/10)
5. Logopolis (7/10)
6. Full Circle (7/10)
7. Meglos (1/10)

Season Rankings
These are based on weighted averages that take into account the length of each story. Take this ranking with a grain of salt however. No average can properly reflect a full season's quality and nuance, and the scores for each story are, ultimately, highly subjective and a bit arbitrary.

1. Season 7 (8.1/10)
2. Season 10 (7.5/10)
3. Season 4 (7.0/10)
4. Season 11 (6.5/10)
5. Season 18 (6.4/10)
6. Season 12 (6.3/10)
7. Season 6 (6.3/10)
8. Season 1 (6.2/10)
9. Season 14 (6.2/10)
10. Season 13 (6.1/10)
11. Season 3 (6.0/10)
12. Season 5 (6.0/10)
13. Season 15 (5.9/10)
14. Season 2 (5.8/10)
15. Season 9 (5.8/10)
16. Season 8 (5.8/10)
17. Season 17 (5.8/10) *
18. Season 16 – The Key to Time (5.6/10)

* Includes originally unmade serial Shada
I'm genuinely considering abandoning the season/doctor era rankings portion of these posts. Do I think that Season 18 was good…absolutely. The 5th best season of the first 18 though?
What's happened here is that a lot of very solid scores (4 sevens…) have skewed the results up higher than they would otherwise have gone to the point that, even me giving Meglos a 1/10 hasn't affected it that much. The end result is a season going much higher than I would otherwise put it. Granted if I were as high on Warriors' Gate as some, I'd probably feel better about this, but if I were as high on that story as some it probably gets a perfect score and borks these rankings even further. I don't know, I guess the rankings serve their purpose as a snapshot of how good I felt any given season was on average, but I less and less feel like they're a reflection of my actual rankings of the seasons
Next Time: Somehow, I've reached the end of the 4th Doctor era. Now I just have to write about him. That's…going to be a lot.

I’ve been scrolling this sub for a few days and I see a lot of students panicking about the AP World Exam. Here are some tips from a teacher who has been teaching this course for the past decade.

1. Make sure you understand the rubrics for the essays. -Use APE for the SAQs (answer, provide evidence, explain how the evidence supports your answer) -an intro and two strong body paragraphs will get you a solid score on the LEQ -you can get a 7 on the DBQ with only 4 docs if your writing is strong. -If something like HIPP confuses you, SKIP IT! Use your time getting other points.
   
2. Focus less on memorizing dates and more on learning chronology.
   
3. When going over vocabulary, think about the SPICE-T theme and unit/time period it goes with. Here’s a gimkit game with 400 ish words gimkit vocab
   
4. At this point, focus on big events or trends. Causation is the skill that is tested the heaviest on the exam.
   
5. Still freaking out? Here are 10 events you should be able to explain:
   

-Increase use of trade routes during 1200-1450
-Growing power of land based empires
-Columbian exchange
-Political Revolutions during 1750-1900 (focus on Haiti and Lat. Am)
-Industrialization in East Asia during 1750-1900
-Imperialism
-WWI
-Cold War
-Decolonization
-Globalization

Hi, I am doing a research project on the importance of teaching IB, and I was wondering if anybody knew some of these answers.

1. Do IB teachers get paid more than a standard high school teacher
   
2. How do you get certified to teach IB? Do you need to take more college courses or do you just take a workshop?
   

Book 1 Prev Next
The journey back to the City of Glass is surprisingly uneventful. I suppose part of it is that we're used to the trip by now — I'm able to tune out everything that happens on the way, up to and including the strange interaction with the guards where they take a sample of my Firmament. Nothing's come of it so far, but I still make sure to give them a fake sample.
Tarin, as usual, doesn't bother. I imagine he's done this plenty of times before he ever met me, though, considering his relationship with Miktik. I doubt them having an additional sample of his Firmament is actually going to make a difference.
"What happened between you and Mari, anyway?" I ask once we've gotten past the Great Gates. Tarin looked like he needed some time to think on the journey, so I haven't asked about it so far. Now, though, he looks a little more like he's in the mood to talk.
"She tell me she worried," Tarin says. We've slowed down to a walking pace for the time being. Actually being in Isthanok means we have to be careful about Whisper being able to listen in to everything they say. I've never really thought about how suffocating that is, but the difference is stark now that I haven't had to watch my every word for the past day or so.
"About what?" I ask. I think I know the answer, but Tarin seems to want to talk it through.
"Me," Tarin says, which surprises me. It doesn't exactly mirror what she told me when we last spoke, though that was a different iteration of her. "She worry I lonely."
"I'm assuming she's not talking about the kind of loneliness I can help with," I say dryly. Tarin's expression is almost comically horrified, like he hadn't even considered that interpretation.
"No!" he squawks. "Just... I experience many things. She not. You understand?"
That much I do understand. Tarin's essentially moving on without her. He's having new experiences, encountering new people, fighting new fights — and Mari is stuck in place. I haven't made any progress in figuring out how to bring someone else into the loop intentionally, nor do I really know where to start, even with all the strides I've made in Firmament and imbuement.
"Yeah," I say. That's a little closer to what Mari talked to me about. "Do you know what you want to do about it? I've been wondering if I might be able to bring her into the loop somehow..."
To my surprise, Tarin immediately shakes his head. "She not want join," he says. "She say experiencing same thing too many times not easy."
A short silence. Then Tarin continues, "she right."
I don't have anything to say to that.
"You don't seem bored with the loops," Ahkelios points out. His chosen perch this time is on top of my head, nestled in my hair. "Not yet, anyway."
"I not bored," Tarin says. "Many things interesting. But for how long?"
"As long as you can handle it, I suppose," I say.
Maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way. Maybe I shouldn't be looking for a way to get Mari in, but a way to get Tarin out.
I'm not sure I like the idea of that.
—
Isthanok looms ahead of us. The first indication that it's near is the crystalline palace in the sky that directs the sun's glare almost directly into my eyes. This is also the first time I notice that Tough Body seems to passively increase my ability to stare into powerful sources of light without being blinded. Not that I'm about to try staring into the sun or anything.
As more of the city comes into view, however, I almost immediately notice that things are... different. I slow down, bleeding off the speed skills I've been using, and next to me Tarin does the same. We exchange cautious glances.
"I don't remember there being this many guards before," I say quietly.
More accurately, I don't remember there being any guards before. Security within Isthanok is mostly handled by He-Who-Guards and his many bodies, as I understand it. I don't ever really see them around, so presumably they're good at hiding.
Even in the last loop, where Guard began injured and apparently dying, there hadn't been any guards stationed at the borders of Isthanok. So one of two things must have happened: either Guard's condition is much worse than before, or Whisper was able to pass on a message about the Trialgoer being active.
I grimace. The changes don't bode well, but this doesn't really change what we have to do.
"We're not going to visit Miktik this time," I mutter. I feel compelled to be quiet even though we're still well out of Whisper's range — at least, I'm pretty sure we are. The Firmament doesn't get collected into her palace from this far away. "Don't want to put her at risk, and we've already seen the design for her Firmament sink."
"Your design not complete," Tarin points out, entirely reasonably.
"I'm sure I can make do," I say. Ahkelios makes it a point to rap me on the skull, at this point, and I sigh. "...Okay, we'll talk to Miktik. But I don't want to involve her any more than necessary. At this point I'm tired of seeing Whisper abuse her."
From the grim look on Tarin's face and the way he tenses up, I'm pretty sure he agrees. He confirms it a second later. "She try it again and I fight her."
"Not kill?"
Tarin snorts. "I not kill Whisper. She too strong. But I can be very, very annoying."
I can't argue with that. The idea of Tarin swooping in and out at his blistering pace and annoying Whisper makes me smirk a bit.
That smirk quickly falls away as we approach the guards that stand at the border to Isthanok.
They're both silverwisps, and considering how unkempt their uniforms are and the way they keep looking nervously between one another, I'm guessing neither of them are used to the job — they hold their weapons like they're toys rather than weapons.
Their weapons are large marbles filled with deadly Firmament. I hope they know what side the Firmament is supposed to come out from — the spherical shape doesn't really give you a lot of clues. I can tell there's a cone of energy in there with my Firmament sense, but barring that, there are no markings that might indicate a firing direction.
"That looks like a disaster waiting to happen," I mutter.
The noise is enough for the two silverwisps to take notice. One of them steps forward. "What's your purpose in Isthanok today?" he asks. I note the sudden concentration of Firmament being drawn up to Whisper's palace — she's listening in.
"Visit!" Tarin squawks. "We want visit—"
"—a kobold-run shop we heard about," I interrupt. "I think it's called Thys and Thaht?"
Tarin gives me a baffled look. I ignore him.
"Really?" the guard seems surprised. I feel the focused Firmament waver a bit — Whisper's lost interest and is going back to passive listening. "Not a very popular shop, that one."
"Why not?" I ask.
He shrugs. "Too many explosions," he says, waving a hand. "How long will you be staying in Isthanok?"
"Not long," I say. "Maybe a day or two. We're going to check out the Craven Arena, too."
"Oh?" the guard leans forward, suddenly interested. "As a spectator, or a fighter?"
...That smells like a trap. I feign embarrassment and laugh. "I doubt I'd last a second in the ring."
"Most people don't," the silverwisp says, his pendant displaying a smirk. He takes a step back — evidently, I gave him the answer he wanted to hear — and waves us both in. "You're clear. Enjoy your time in Isthanok."
Tarin and I make our way past him, a little bemused by the whole experience. Everything inside Isthanok hasn't changed, at least. The Firmament feels a little different, but I'm guessing that's because of Guard's absence, which speaks volumes as to his power.
"We go shop?" Tarin asks. His way of asking about the kobold shop I mentioned, I suppose. Anything more specific might be an obvious tipoff, especially if Whisper knows that the Trial is now active.
"Let's get your friend first," I say. "Bring her along. I'm sure she'd be interested in what they've got."
I'm not just saying that, either. Whatever tech or imbuements they use are seriously impressive, considering the difficulty I had against that one piloted robot. Tarin nods thoughtfully in response.
We make our way once more to Miktik's workshop, ducking through the hole in the fence and the Firmament barrier that separates the two sections of the city. Like before, the abrupt change in noise is jarring — this part of the city is much louder than any other. I wonder if that's why the barrier exists, to dampen and filter out the sound that Whisper receives as she listens in on the city. It's not like that's a trivial imbuement to keep running.
"Something feel different," Tarin says suddenly. I blink.
"Does it?" I glance around. Nothing looks particularly out of the ordinary.
"I feel it too," Ahkelios says. The little guy twitches in his spot in my hair — I can't see him, but I can feel him shifting uncomfortably. Not a great sign.
I flick on Firmament Sight. My natural Firmament sense is good, but I'm not able to organize the information as quickly as I can with a visual reference. The moment I do, I see it.
There's... a gradient, for lack of a better word. The Firmament looks normal at first glance, but a second look shows that it's getting gradually denser as it approaches the direction of Miktik's workshop, and while the workshop itself is still out of range for me, this is enough to warrant caution.
Evidently, Ahkelios and Tarin have developed their instincts enough to know when something is wrong, even if they can't pinpoint what it is. I'll have to work on that.
"There's some kind of concentration of Firmament up ahead," I say. "It's subtle, but it's there."
Ahkelios opens his mouth to ask me a question, then pauses, sending said question through our bond instead. What changed this time? he asks. Whisper took longer to send for MIktik last time. This is too soon.
I shrug. No idea, I admit. But I'm guessing Whisper has some idea of what's going on now.
You think she's got something to do with this, then?
Maybe. It's the only thing I can think of, anyway. We'll find out. Not like a bit of Firmament is going to stop us.
Book 1 Prev Next
Author's Note: Reddit seems to have changed the submission page and now pasting into the text box doesn't retain formatting no matter what subreddit I try to paste in, so I'm using a markdown exporter instead. Hopefully that doesn't cause any problems.
Thanks for reading! This story is also on RoyalRoad, and I'd appreciate any support via Patreon.

Welcome to the Arcana Forge! A workshop for works in progress, requests, ideas, inspiration, and more. New to homebrew? Looking for that nudge in the right direction or inspiration to keep going? This is the place for you. Grab a wrench and let's get to work!

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Hi everyone,
I hope you are all having a good day!
My stutter has plagued every aspect of my life, in every way it possibly could. Growing up in school, I had countless experiences which led me to feel embarrassed, ashamed of myself, and even made me end up on my bed at the end of the day, crying my eyes out. The bullying, relentless shaming, belittling, just because I took an extra few seconds to say what I wanted, was detrimental to my mental health.
As a result of all this, I strayed away from the vast majority of speaking opportunities. I barely started conversations, rarely took part in class discussions, never took part in the debating team, rarely made phone calls and rarely made new friends. Mostly, I spoke when spoken to, and kept conversations as short as possible.
Living like this for years meant that I became quite a reclusive person, who did everything in his power to hide stuttering. I convinced myself that I liked this, and found comfort in solitary. This of course was not good for my mental health, or my stutter. As you can imagine, at this point of my life, public speaking was quite literally the last thing I could ever imagine myself doing.
However, just before I went to university (age 18), I had one of the worst speaking experiences of my life. This was a massive wake up call for me, and made me rethink my entire life. I essentially thought what my life would look like if I was just a passive passenger to my stutter. Those thoughts and realisations of the potential future, shook me to my core. I knew a change had to be made, but I just did not know how.
Fast forward a few months, and a bunch more negative speaking experiences, and I am in my first term of university. I am browsing the SU page, and see something which honestly strikes fear into the hearts of all speakers, let alone little old me with a stutter. I see:
"Public Speaking Taster Session" - Led by the university public speaking society
Now, I am sure many of you will understand this, but damn was that a scary proposition. Speaking in and of itself was terrifying, this was another level. But, there was something about it, which made me attend. To this day, I don't know what it was. However, there are some things in life, which quite literally change the path you were going to take in this world. They pivot you in a completely different direction. Attending this session was that pivot for me.
Expecting to be mocked and ridiculed for my stutter, what actually occurred was the opposite. The public speaking society had one of the most welcoming, supportive and encouraging environments I had ever been in. There was no judgement, no belittling and no mocking. Everyone there, including the exec team, genuinely wanted to help you improve to make you the best communicator you could be.
I was instantly hooked, and attended every weekly session. I started becoming better at public speaking, and continued to hone this skill. I entered competitions, I won some of them too. Simultaneously as this, I took help from a speech coach who was the first person in my life to say, we will work on getting you over the fear of stuttering, rather than achieving fluency. This new approach was monumental for me, as I had always been trying to be fluent, I never thought once about dealing with the underlying fears. Through intensive exposure therapy and a great support group, my fears of stuttering did indeed start to diminish. Therefore, although the aim was never to be fluent, fluency naturally became more prominent in my speaking as the fear dropped. For those wondering what sort of exposure therapy it was, essentially the aim was to desensitize your brain to stuttering, and more importantly, the judgements you got from others whilst stuttering. Thus, I was made to have dozens of interactions both IRL and on the phone, where I had to stutter on purpose throughout. Seems counter-intuitive at first, but it works wonders.
By the end of the academic year, I decided to run for presidency. I was highest voted for, and then became president of the public speaking society. I then led it for a year. In this I would deliver weekly workshops to 80-100 people on how to become better speakers. This included coaching skills such as body language, vocal variety, confidence.. etc.
On top of this large group coaching, I also had a smaller group of people (5-6), which I also coached on a weekly basis. I stepped down from presidency after a year to focus more on my studies, however I still continued to coach public speaking to the smaller groups for an additional year. After graduating and leaving university, I started my day job in London. However, I realised there was a massive public speaking shaped hole in my heart. I searched far and wide to find public speaking clubs which could replicate the feeling I had at university, but I found none. So, I decided to start my own.
That is when I founded my own public speaking coaching platform, which I run to this day alongside my day job. On it I use all my experiences as a stutterer and public speaker, to help people get over their fears of speaking/public speaking, and become the most expressive and confident communicators they can be.
To this day, I am still a stutterer. I still stutter in my life, in various different speaking interactions. However, the stutter no longer holds me back from doing what I want to do. It no longer scares me as much as it used to. In some ways, I have to thank my stutter, because without it, I don't think I would have had the relentless drive, which caused me to pursue every avenue possible to become the best speaker I possibly could. People often say to me that most fluent individuals stray away from public speaking, yet I with a stutter ran towards it. I do still wonder to this day what direction my life would have taken if I didn't attend that taster session. It probably would have been very different to what it is now.
I am more than happy to answer any questions about anything related to my post, please do ask them below.
Always remember, you have a voice, never stop using it.

Hi everyone,
I hope you are all having a good day!
My stutter has plagued every aspect of my life, in every way it possibly could. Growing up in school, I had countless experiences which led me to feel embarrassed, ashamed of myself, and even made me end up on my bed at the end of the day, crying my eyes out. The bullying, relentless shaming, belittling, just because I took an extra few seconds to say what I wanted, was detrimental to my mental health.
As a result of all this, I strayed away from the vast majority of speaking opportunities. I barely started conversations, rarely took part in class discussions, never took part in the debating team, rarely made phone calls and rarely made new friends. Mostly, I spoke when spoken to, and kept conversations as short as possible.
Living like this for years meant that I became quite a reclusive person, who did everything in his power to hide stuttering. I convinced myself that I liked this, and found comfort in solitary. This of course was not good for my mental health, or my stutter. As you can imagine, at this point of my life, public speaking was quite literally the last thing I could ever imagine myself doing.
However, just before I went to university (age 18), I had one of the worst speaking experiences of my life. This was a massive wake up call for me, and made me rethink my entire life. I essentially thought what my life would look like if I was just a passive passenger to my stutter. Those thoughts and realisations of the potential future, shook me to my core. I knew a change had to be made, but I just did not know how.
Fast forward a few months, and a bunch more negative speaking experiences, and I am in my first term of university. I am browsing the SU page, and see something which honestly strikes fear into the hearts of all speakers, let alone little old me with a stutter. I see:
"Public Speaking Taster Session" - Led by the university public speaking society
Now, I am sure many of you will understand this, but damn was that a scary proposition. Speaking in and of itself was terrifying, this was another level. But, there was something about it, which made me attend. To this day, I don't know what it was. However, there are some things in life, which quite literally change the path you were going to take in this world. They pivot you in a completely different direction. Attending this session was that pivot for me.
Expecting to be mocked and ridiculed for my stutter, what actually occurred was the opposite. The public speaking society had one of the most welcoming, supportive and encouraging environments I had ever been in. There was no judgement, no belittling and no mocking. Everyone there, including the exec team, genuinely wanted to help you improve to make you the best communicator you could be.
I was instantly hooked, and attended every weekly session. I started becoming better at public speaking, and continued to hone this skill. I entered competitions, I won some of them too. Simultaneously as this, I took help from a speech coach who was the first person in my life to say, we will work on getting you over the fear of stuttering, rather than achieving fluency. This new approach was monumental for me, as I had always been trying to be fluent, I never thought once about dealing with the underlying fears. Through intensive exposure therapy and a great support group, my fears of stuttering did indeed start to diminish. Therefore, although the aim was never to be fluent, fluency naturally became more prominent in my speaking as the fear dropped. For those wondering what sort of exposure therapy it was, essentially the aim was to desensitize your brain to stuttering, and more importantly, the judgements you got from others whilst stuttering. Thus, I was made to have dozens of interactions both IRL and on the phone, where I had to stutter on purpose throughout. Seems counter-intuitive at first, but it works wonders.
By the end of the academic year, I decided to run for presidency. I was highest voted for, and then became president of the public speaking society. I then led it for a year. In this I would deliver weekly workshops to 80-100 people on how to become better speakers. This included coaching skills such as body language, vocal variety, confidence.. etc.
On top of this large group coaching, I also had a smaller group of people (5-6), which I also coached on a weekly basis. I stepped down from presidency after a year to focus more on my studies, however I still continued to coach public speaking to the smaller groups for an additional year. After graduating and leaving university, I started my day job in London. However, I realised there was a massive public speaking shaped hole in my heart. I searched far and wide to find public speaking clubs which could replicate the feeling I had at university, but I found none. So, I decided to start my own.
That is when I founded my own public speaking coaching platform, which I run to this day alongside my day job. On it I use all my experiences as a stutterer and public speaker, to help people get over their fears of speaking/public speaking, and become the most expressive and confident communicators they can be.
To this day, I am still a stutterer. I still stutter in my life, in various different speaking interactions. However, the stutter no longer holds me back from doing what I want to do. It no longer scares me as much as it used to. In some ways, I have to thank my stutter, because without it, I don't think I would have had the relentless drive, which caused me to pursue every avenue possible to become the best speaker I possibly could. People often say to me that most fluent individuals stray away from public speaking, yet I with a stutter ran towards it. I do still wonder to this day what direction my life would have taken if I didn't attend that taster session. It probably would have been very different to what it is now.
I am more than happy to answer any questions about anything related to my post, please do ask them below. If you don't want to post below, feel free to dm me!
Always remember, you have a voice, never stop using it.

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Hi everyone,
I hope you are all having a good day!
My stutter has plagued every aspect of my life, in every way it possibly could. Growing up in school, I had countless experiences which led me to feel embarrassed, ashamed of myself, and even made me end up on my bed at the end of the day, crying my eyes out. The bullying, relentless shaming, belittling, just because I took an extra few seconds to say what I wanted, was detrimental to my mental health.
As a result of all this, I strayed away from the vast majority of speaking opportunities. I barely started conversations, rarely took part in class discussions, never took part in the debating team, rarely made phone calls and rarely made new friends. Mostly, I spoke when spoken to, and kept conversations as short as possible.
Living like this for years meant that I became quite a reclusive person, who did everything in his power to hide stuttering. I convinced myself that I liked this, and found comfort in solitary. This of course was not good for my mental health, or my stutter. As you can imagine, at this point of my life, public speaking was quite literally the last thing I could ever imagine myself doing.
However, just before I went to university (age 18), I had one of the worst speaking experiences of my life. This was a massive wake up call for me, and made me rethink my entire life. I essentially thought what my life would look like if I was just a passive passenger to my stutter. Those thoughts and realisations of the potential future, shook me to my core. I knew a change had to be made, but I just did not know how.
Fast forward a few months, and a bunch more negative speaking experiences, and I am in my first term of university. I am browsing the SU page, and see something which honestly strikes fear into the hearts of all speakers, let alone little old me with a stutter. I see:
"Public Speaking Taster Session" - Led by the university public speaking society
Now, I am sure many of you will understand this, but damn was that a scary proposition. Speaking in and of itself was terrifying, this was another level. But, there was something about it, which made me attend. To this day, I don't know what it was. However, there are some things in life, which quite literally change the path you were going to take in this world. They pivot you in a completely different direction. Attending this session was that pivot for me.
Expecting to be mocked and ridiculed for my stutter, what actually occurred was the opposite. The public speaking society had one of the most welcoming, supportive and encouraging environments I had ever been in. There was no judgement, no belittling and no mocking. Everyone there, including the exec team, genuinely wanted to help you improve to make you the best communicator you could be.
I was instantly hooked, and attended every weekly session. I started becoming better at public speaking, and continued to hone this skill. I entered competitions, I won some of them too. Simultaneously as this, I took help from a speech coach who was the first person in my life to say, we will work on getting you over the fear of stuttering, rather than achieving fluency. This new approach was monumental for me, as I had always been trying to be fluent, I never thought once about dealing with the underlying fears. Through intensive exposure therapy and a great support group, my fears of stuttering did indeed start to diminish. Therefore, although the aim was never to be fluent, fluency naturally became more prominent in my speaking as the fear dropped. For those wondering what sort of exposure therapy it was, essentially the aim was to desensitize your brain to stuttering, and more importantly, the judgements you got from others whilst stuttering. Thus, I was made to have dozens of interactions both IRL and on the phone, where I had to stutter on purpose throughout. Seems counter-intuitive at first, but it works wonders.
By the end of the academic year, I decided to run for presidency. I was highest voted for, and then became president of the public speaking society. I then led it for a year. In this I would deliver weekly workshops to 80-100 people on how to become better speakers. This included coaching skills such as body language, vocal variety, confidence.. etc.
On top of this large group coaching, I also had a smaller group of people (5-6), which I also coached on a weekly basis. I stepped down from presidency after a year to focus more on my studies, however I still continued to coach public speaking to the smaller groups for an additional year. After graduating and leaving university, I started my day job in London. However, I realised there was a massive public speaking shaped hole in my heart. I searched far and wide to find public speaking clubs which could replicate the feeling I had at university, but I found none. So, I decided to start my own.
That is when I founded my own public speaking coaching platform, which I run to this day alongside my day job. On it I use all my experiences as a stutterer and public speaker, to help people get over their fears of speaking/public speaking, and become the most expressive and confident communicators they can be.
To this day, I am still a stutterer. I still stutter in my life, in various different speaking interactions. However, the stutter no longer holds me back from doing what I want to do. It no longer scares me as much as it used to. In some ways, I have to thank my stutter, because without it, I don't think I would have had the relentless drive, which caused me to pursue every avenue possible to become the best speaker I possibly could. People often say to me that most fluent individuals stray away from public speaking, yet I with a stutter ran towards it. I do still wonder to this day what direction my life would have taken if I didn't attend that taster session. It probably would have been very different to what it is now.
I am more than happy to answer any questions about anything related to my post, please do ask them below. If you don't want to ask below, you can also dm me!
Always remember, you have a voice, never stop using it.

Hi everyone,
I hope you are all having a good day!
My stutter has plagued every aspect of my life, in every way it possibly could. Growing up in school, I had countless experiences which led me to feel embarrassed, ashamed of myself, and even made me end up on my bed at the end of the day, crying my eyes out. The bullying, relentless shaming, belittling, just because I took an extra few seconds to say what I wanted, was detrimental to my mental health.
As a result of all this, I strayed away from the vast majority of speaking opportunities. I barely started conversations, rarely took part in class discussions, never took part in the debating team, rarely made phone calls and rarely made new friends. Mostly, I spoke when spoken to, and kept conversations as short as possible.
Living like this for years meant that I became quite a reclusive person, who did everything in his power to hide stuttering. I convinced myself that I liked this, and found comfort in solitary. This of course was not good for my mental health, or my stutter. As you can imagine, at this point of my life, public speaking was quite literally the last thing I could ever imagine myself doing.
However, just before I went to university (age 18), I had one of the worst speaking experiences of my life. This was a massive wake up call for me, and made me rethink my entire life. I essentially thought what my life would look like if I was just a passive passenger to my stutter. Those thoughts and realisations of the potential future, shook me to my core. I knew a change had to be made, but I just did not know how.
Fast forward a few months, and a bunch more negative speaking experiences, and I am in my first term of university. I am browsing the SU page, and see something which honestly strikes fear into the hearts of all speakers, let alone little old me with a stutter. I see:
"Public Speaking Taster Session" - Led by the university public speaking society
Now, I am sure many of you will understand this, but damn was that a scary proposition. Speaking in and of itself was terrifying, this was another level. But, there was something about it, which made me attend. To this day, I don't know what it was. However, there are some things in life, which quite literally change the path you were going to take in this world. They pivot you in a completely different direction. Attending this session was that pivot for me.
Expecting to be mocked and ridiculed for my stutter, what actually occurred was the opposite. The public speaking society had one of the most welcoming, supportive and encouraging environments I had ever been in. There was no judgement, no belittling and no mocking. Everyone there, including the exec team, genuinely wanted to help you improve to make you the best communicator you could be.
I was instantly hooked, and attended every weekly session. I started becoming better at public speaking, and continued to hone this skill. I entered competitions, I won some of them too. Simultaneously as this, I took help from a speech coach who was the first person in my life to say, we will work on getting you over the fear of stuttering, rather than achieving fluency. This new approach was monumental for me, as I had always been trying to be fluent, I never thought once about dealing with the underlying fears. Through intensive exposure therapy and a great support group, my fears of stuttering did indeed start to diminish. Therefore, although the aim was never to be fluent, fluency naturally became more prominent in my speaking as the fear dropped. For those wondering what sort of exposure therapy it was, essentially the aim was to desensitize your brain to stuttering, and more importantly, the judgements you got from others whilst stuttering. Thus, I was made to have dozens of interactions both IRL and on the phone, where I had to stutter on purpose throughout. Seems counter-intuitive at first, but it works wonders.
By the end of the academic year, I decided to run for presidency. I was highest voted for, and then became president of the public speaking society. I then led it for a year. In this I would deliver weekly workshops to 80-100 people on how to become better speakers. This included coaching skills such as body language, vocal variety, confidence.. etc.
On top of this large group coaching, I also had a smaller group of people (5-6), which I also coached on a weekly basis. I stepped down from presidency after a year to focus more on my studies, however I still continued to coach public speaking to the smaller groups for an additional year. After graduating and leaving university, I started my day job in London. However, I realised there was a massive public speaking shaped hole in my heart. I searched far and wide to find public speaking clubs which could replicate the feeling I had at university, but I found none. So, I decided to start my own.
That is when I founded my own public speaking coaching platform, which I run to this day alongside my day job. On it I use all my experiences as a stutterer and public speaker, to help people get over their fears of speaking/public speaking, and become the most expressive and confident communicators they can be.
To this day, I am still a stutterer. I still stutter in my life, in various different speaking interactions. However, the stutter no longer holds me back from doing what I want to do. It no longer scares me as much as it used to. In some ways, I have to thank my stutter, because without it, I don't think I would have had the relentless drive, which caused me to pursue every avenue possible to become the best speaker I possibly could. People often say to me that most fluent individuals stray away from public speaking, yet I with a stutter ran towards it. I do still wonder to this day what direction my life would have taken if I didn't attend that taster session. It probably would have been very different to what it is now.
I am more than happy to answer any questions about anything related to my post, please do ask them below. If you don't want to ask below, you can also dm me!
Always remember, you have a voice, never stop using it.

Hi everyone,
I hope you are all having a good day!
My stutter has plagued every aspect of my life, in every way it possibly could. Growing up in school, I had countless experiences which led me to feel embarrassed, ashamed of myself, and even made me end up on my bed at the end of the day, crying my eyes out. The bullying, relentless shaming, belittling, just because I took an extra few seconds to say what I wanted, was detrimental to my mental health.
As a result of all this, I strayed away from the vast majority of speaking opportunities. I barely started conversations, rarely took part in class discussions, never took part in the debating team, rarely made phone calls and rarely made new friends. Mostly, I spoke when spoken to, and kept conversations as short as possible.
Living like this for years meant that I became quite a reclusive person, who did everything in his power to hide stuttering. I convinced myself that I liked this, and found comfort in solitary. This of course was not good for my mental health, or my stutter. As you can imagine, at this point of my life, public speaking was quite literally the last thing I could ever imagine myself doing.
However, just before I went to university (age 18), I had one of the worst speaking experiences of my life. This was a massive wake up call for me, and made me rethink my entire life. I essentially thought what my life would look like if I was just a passive passenger to my stutter. Those thoughts and realisations of the potential future, shook me to my core. I knew a change had to be made, but I just did not know how.
Fast forward a few months, and a bunch more negative speaking experiences, and I am in my first term of university. I am browsing the SU page, and see something which honestly strikes fear into the hearts of all speakers, let alone little old me with a stutter. I see:
"Public Speaking Taster Session" - Led by the university public speaking society
Now, I am sure many of you will understand this, but damn was that a scary proposition. Speaking in and of itself was terrifying, this was another level. But, there was something about it, which made me attend. To this day, I don't know what it was. However, there are some things in life, which quite literally change the path you were going to take in this world. They pivot you in a completely different direction. Attending this session was that pivot for me.
Expecting to be mocked and ridiculed for my stutter, what actually occurred was the opposite. The public speaking society had one of the most welcoming, supportive and encouraging environments I had ever been in. There was no judgement, no belittling and no mocking. Everyone there, including the exec team, genuinely wanted to help you improve to make you the best communicator you could be.
I was instantly hooked, and attended every weekly session. I started becoming better at public speaking, and continued to hone this skill. I entered competitions, I won some of them too. Simultaneously as this, I took help from a speech coach who was the first person in my life to say, we will work on getting you over the fear of stuttering, rather than achieving fluency. This new approach was monumental for me, as I had always been trying to be fluent, I never thought once about dealing with the underlying fears. Through intensive exposure therapy and a great support group, my fears of stuttering did indeed start to diminish. Therefore, although the aim was never to be fluent, fluency naturally became more prominent in my speaking as the fear dropped. For those wondering what sort of exposure therapy it was, essentially the aim was to desensitize your brain to stuttering, and more importantly, the judgements you got from others whilst stuttering. Thus, I was made to have dozens of interactions both IRL and on the phone, where I had to stutter on purpose throughout. Seems counter-intuitive at first, but it works wonders.
By the end of the academic year, I decided to run for presidency. I was highest voted for, and then became president of the public speaking society. I then led it for a year. In this I would deliver weekly workshops to 80-100 people on how to become better speakers. This included coaching skills such as body language, vocal variety, confidence.. etc.
On top of this large group coaching, I also had a smaller group of people (5-6), which I also coached on a weekly basis. I stepped down from presidency after a year to focus more on my studies, however I still continued to coach public speaking to the smaller groups for an additional year. After graduating and leaving university, I started my day job in London. However, I realised there was a massive public speaking shaped hole in my heart. I searched far and wide to find public speaking clubs which could replicate the feeling I had at university, but I found none. So, I decided to start my own.
That is when I founded my own public speaking coaching platform, which I run to this day alongside my day job. On it I use all my experiences as a stutterer and public speaker, to help people get over their fears of speaking/public speaking, and become the most expressive and confident communicators they can be.
To this day, I am still a stutterer. I still stutter in my life, in various different speaking interactions. However, the stutter no longer holds me back from doing what I want to do. It no longer scares me as much as it used to. In some ways, I have to thank my stutter, because without it, I don't think I would have had the relentless drive, which caused me to pursue every avenue possible to become the best speaker I possibly could. People often say to me that most fluent individuals stray away from public speaking, yet I with a stutter ran towards it. I do still wonder to this day what direction my life would have taken if I didn't attend that taster session. It probably would have been very different to what it is now.
I am more than happy to answer any questions about anything related to my post, please do ask them below. If you don't want to ask below, you can also dm me!
Always remember, you have a voice, never stop using it.

Hi everyone,
I hope you are all having a good day!
My stutter has plagued every aspect of my life, in every way it possibly could. Growing up in school, I had countless experiences which led me to feel embarrassed, ashamed of myself, and even made me end up on my bed at the end of the day, crying my eyes out. The bullying, relentless shaming, belittling, just because I took an extra few seconds to say what I wanted, was detrimental to my mental health.
As a result of all this, I strayed away from the vast majority of speaking opportunities. I barely started conversations, rarely took part in class discussions, never took part in the debating team, rarely made phone calls and rarely made new friends. Mostly, I spoke when spoken to, and kept conversations as short as possible.
Living like this for years meant that I became quite a reclusive person, who did everything in his power to hide stuttering. I convinced myself that I liked this, and found comfort in solitary. This of course was not good for my mental health, or my stutter. As you can imagine, at this point of my life, public speaking was quite literally the last thing I could ever imagine myself doing.
However, just before I went to university (age 18), I had one of the worst speaking experiences of my life. This was a massive wake up call for me, and made me rethink my entire life. I essentially thought what my life would look like if I was just a passive passenger to my stutter. Those thoughts and realisations of the potential future, shook me to my core. I knew a change had to be made, but I just did not know how.
Fast forward a few months, and a bunch more negative speaking experiences, and I am in my first term of university. I am browsing the SU page, and see something which honestly strikes fear into the hearts of all speakers, let alone little old me with a stutter. I see:
"Public Speaking Taster Session" - Led by the university public speaking society
Now, I am sure many of you will understand this, but damn was that a scary proposition. Speaking in and of itself was terrifying, this was another level. But, there was something about it, which made me attend. To this day, I don't know what it was. However, there are some things in life, which quite literally change the path you were going to take in this world. They pivot you in a completely different direction. Attending this session was that pivot for me.
Expecting to be mocked and ridiculed for my stutter, what actually occurred was the opposite. The public speaking society had one of the most welcoming, supportive and encouraging environments I had ever been in. There was no judgement, no belittling and no mocking. Everyone there, including the exec team, genuinely wanted to help you improve to make you the best communicator you could be.
I was instantly hooked, and attended every weekly session. I started becoming better at public speaking, and continued to hone this skill. I entered competitions, I won some of them too. Simultaneously as this, I took help from a speech coach who was the first person in my life to say, we will work on getting you over the fear of stuttering, rather than achieving fluency. This new approach was monumental for me, as I had always been trying to be fluent, I never thought once about dealing with the underlying fears. Through intensive exposure therapy and a great support group, my fears of stuttering did indeed start to diminish. Therefore, although the aim was never to be fluent, fluency naturally became more prominent in my speaking as the fear dropped. For those wondering what sort of exposure therapy it was, essentially the aim was to desensitize your brain to stuttering, and more importantly, the judgements you got from others whilst stuttering. Thus, I was made to have dozens of interactions both IRL and on the phone, where I had to stutter on purpose throughout. Seems counter-intuitive at first, but it works wonders.
By the end of the academic year, I decided to run for presidency. I was highest voted for, and then became president of the public speaking society. I then led it for a year. In this I would deliver weekly workshops to 80-100 people on how to become better speakers. This included coaching skills such as body language, vocal variety, confidence.. etc.
On top of this large group coaching, I also had a smaller group of people (5-6), which I also coached on a weekly basis. I stepped down from presidency after a year to focus more on my studies, however I still continued to coach public speaking to the smaller groups for an additional year. After graduating and leaving university, I started my day job in London. However, I realised there was a massive public speaking shaped hole in my heart. I searched far and wide to find public speaking clubs which could replicate the feeling I had at university, but I found none. So, I decided to start my own.
That is when I founded my own public speaking coaching platform, which I run to this day alongside my day job. On it I use all my experiences as a stutterer and public speaker, to help people get over their fears of speaking/public speaking, and become the most expressive and confident communicators they can be.
To this day, I am still a stutterer. I still stutter in my life, in various different speaking interactions. However, the stutter no longer holds me back from doing what I want to do. It no longer scares me as much as it used to. In some ways, I have to thank my stutter, because without it, I don't think I would have had the relentless drive, which caused me to pursue every avenue possible to become the best speaker I possibly could. People often say to me that most fluent individuals stray away from public speaking, yet I with a stutter ran towards it. I do still wonder to this day what direction my life would have taken if I didn't attend that taster session. It probably would have been very different to what it is now.
I am more than happy to answer any questions about anything related to my post, please do ask them below. If you don't want to post below, feel free to dm me!
Always remember, you have a voice, never stop using it.

I had my Birthday the other day (May 9th) and attented the SW night event. I tried to make Savis reservations for that night but apparently they close Savis for the SW night at 6pm which seems silly to me since entry for the event begins at 6pm.
Anyway, i made a reservation for 7 people, 6 friends and myself to make custom sabers all together and have an event out of the experience. We also went to see the re-release of the Phantom Menace on the 9th during which i got a phone call from Disney which i obviously answered in a panic haha. The call was to confirm our savis reservation, which i did and then there was no additional information. Fast forward to the following night (May 10th) we show up to the workshop only to see 3 templates out showing the saber sets which i was dead set on building power and control because this would make my second Savis experience (i did Justice and Peace 1st). I can't say i wasn't disappointed, but luckily for my group i was the only one wanting to choose Power and Control. I ended up making another Justice and Peace build because my original was from the previous scrap.
I guess my question is, why is it okay to make a reservation nonrefundable without guaranteed stock for all inventory sets? Especially getting a phone call confirmation 24 hours in advance where they didnt mention anything about it being out of stock. I can understand the SW nights affecting the stock, but this being one of the last scheduled events if not THE last SW nights why that information wouldnt be disclosed? Can't help but feel a bit cheated by the nonrefundable reservation. I wonder what wouldve happened if i told them that i didnt want to go forward since they didnt have the set i wanted, like if i would just get out of the reservation or if it would be subject to the policy?

I have about 3-4 months until my LNAT exam. I'm a native English speaker but my English is nothing extraordinary. I read through some LNAT passages and found them very complex and difficult to answer. My essay writing uses simple vocab compared to the complicated grammar used in LNAT essay examples. So I have a few questions

1. Which free website allows me to access different LNAT tests?
   
2. Any examples of the LNAT essay questions that are asked?
   
3. What articles should I read to improve my knowledge that will help me to answer various essay questions
   

First Issue!

• Author's Note: Hello! Yes I am not dead, yet! And so we march on with the series! I still have more college work to do until I'm done, but we're getting near that. Also I'd like to officially say that Issue #61 can be considered as an official end OF a BOOK 1 for Beast World. PLEASE READ CAREFULLY!!! I SAID end of book 1 NOT the series! We shall continue on, soon enough. So, relax, enjoy the read and if you like what you see, you can support me on my ko-fi page! This is also where I post art drawn by me of various characters from Beast World or other series or one shots I write!

The night before Michael's departure was one of various mixed emotions, that melded into a concoction of both cheer and anxiousness. The human and his tribe of tuskir would share food as they aided their newest member in his preparations.
Woh and Oinna worked carefully together to prepare several vials of poison, diluted with water, as well as a few herbal medicines.
Zurra and Azhul would work the forge, daughter and mother stoking the fires of their smithy's hearth to finish up a steel knuckle duster that the older woman had been preparing to forge from before. After replacing the metal rods on his leather bracers with steel and studding the leather for extra reinforcement, the two put forward their creations for Michael to dawn, to which he was greatful.
Urla and Runhar would share more of what they know about the Rock Backs or what to expect of their leader, but the discussions from before already covered most of that information.
After all that could be done had been finished, a fresh leather backpack of supplies was provided to the human with a few extra tools, besides his own belongings, and then all that remained to do was for them to steel themselves.
Maybe not everyone realized the implications of this separating venture, but one knot that could build in their throats would be at the realization that their newest tribe member was about to leave and depending on how things would fare... he might come back unharmed and with stories plentiful in detail of what happened, he might not return to them at all or, at worst... he'd be befallen by a fate they'd not know of.
A final meal together was being held, most of the people of the tribe awake, decided to remain as such and hold out this white night with Michael, waiting with a discomfort that was palpable in the air. As the time of reckoning was slowly coming upon them, the relaxed attitudes of all involved began to stifle and die down.
Vodra and Nushii were situated closest by him, the latter curled up in a half asleep ball next to Michael, rather than sitting. Runhar, Ghura and Azhul, sat further to his sides, their sitting positions, curving around the fire they all encircled, with Oinna, Zurra and Urla being on the other side of the slowly dying flame. And of course, Woh, unlikely to leave herself out from this gathered vigil, was sat atop Michael's hair, camouflaged partially by his thickened curly locks. Nobody knew what to say, there was nothing easy to bring up, but doubt and uneasiness in one's heart might lead them to speak their mind, out of a compassionate worry.
Zurra was the one bearing a heavy seed of doubt and fear in her breast. As she held tightly onto a metal mug full of steaming broth, she took a brief sip of it as her gaze lifted to look at the grouping around the fire. "We certain this be the correct choice? We coulda 'bandon de Hay-yen group, the whol' allyin' with 'em plan... it is too risky to... well, to do this!" The elderly sow spoke, her voice not showing her usual furious anger derived from passion, but instead upset, born of frustration, fear and uncertainty.
"It might be, but I want to do it. I've been thinking why am I doing this to basically save a group of people with whom we were basically at war a month ago. Their upbringing by their leading shaman and elders is not an excuse for their actions, but wouldn't it be nice to get them a chance? A chance that they are also willing to take, even if they feel skeptical about our intentions and us about their?" Michael looked at Nushii who slept and then exchanged a glance with Vodra who gave a slow nod and blink back.
"Bah! These two's exceptions an' ya kno' that." Zurra said as she then sat her mug down on a crate forcefully, spilling a bit of the contents.
"There ain' no point in arguin'. The deal was struck an' backin' out now will jus' give us headaches with the Rock Backs." Gharna said with a snort which vocalized better than any words that she wasn't thrilled either about this.
"Aye, ma'. Ya kno' already when he makes up 'is mind ta do somethin' he sticks to it worse than blood stains on cloth. Heh... same type-a stubborness that got 'im stuck fer hours keepin' yer forge stoked." Azhul added with a chuckle as she looked at her mother than at Michael, who smiled and laughed with a tired tone.
"Even if we don' like it, we have already all agreed to help make this happen. Otherwise I don' think we'd have put the efforts we did towards preparin' Michael fer da trip." Runhar interjected as well as he sipped his own broth from a bowl.
As the consensus from before had been reaffirmed verbally, the group had fallen quiet once more, in a silence that showed the stewing emotions that bubbled below it. Michael felt it too, he knew what these situations were like from having to deal with them with his own family.
"Well, while I'm gone, hopefully not long, I thought it would be good to get some things done, even if not everything gets finished, I'm thinking that we should keep to a... hm... how to word this? A time line?" The human said uncertain on how to properly put his thoughts in words. Certainly would seem unlike him to struggle with this, but only when his guard was down. In this moment there was no immediate threat, so he was as true to the real him as he could be.
"Oh? Afraid things will stagnate while you are gone due to some of us being uncertain of the situation? Although I certainly appreciate yer concern, none shall remain still while I am here. What have you been thinking of?" Urla asked from her seated position, her inquisitive questioning being as cold as her usual tone.
"Well. I believe there's two things that are need to get done. Integrating the remaining Hay-yen and starting up with trading goods. We still have hos-... injured refugees that are being treated, due to their... shakey condition, right? We need to see that they can adapt to their situation like Nushii and Vodra did. Maintain aid and contact with the Hay-yen settlement, I think this would be best done by working together on things you and they need, maybe repairs and expanding a bit." Michael would say certain of his thoughts on the matter.
"I wasn't going to wait for you to ask, but we'll try to help with that as well. I believe it will be... emboldening to see us work along Tuskir for the others." Vodra said while looking at Nushii. Soon after she'd meet Michael's gaze, with a glint of important purpose in them. "And hence we know not what happened with the old shaman, we could also focus on geting a better grasp on that, as well, since we've been discussing about it."
Michael nodded in agreement, his expression showing that he was pleased with Vodra's additions to his points.
Urla would nod as she listened before clearing her throat. "I see the point. We'll be doing our best here, so make sure you return to us in one piece. That is an order from me to you, as your den mother, Michael." The old sow spoke with utmost seriousness in her tone.
"Understood, Elder Urla." He replied with a cheeky tone, a faint smirk creeping up on his lips.
Soon after the human's reply, the slow steps of Yenna approaching could be herd in the crisp silence of the night. The young Tuskir moved with stuttered and tired steps as he came about closer, holding Michael's phone in one hand and a carving of wood in the other.
"Got your fill of references?" Michael asked with a soft smile as Yenna handed him his phone, tucking it into his leather backpack.
"Aye, but tis ain't based on 'em... keepin' those in me workshop. Drew a few sketches in coal based on 'em, too." The young tuskir said with a tired huff. He then held up the tiny wooden statue that depicted an elderly scars covered tuskir, with a billowing cloak and two handaxes.
Michael looked at it as his heart knotted with a renewed sorrowful melancholy. He held up his hand as his expression asked wordlessly if he could hold it to which Yenna handed it. The human looked at it closely. The carved tuskir struck a pose of on guard and ready to attack, the expression although hard to read for Michael, the eyes were shown with a guardian's battle focus carved into them.
"It looks just like the old man... you have an amazing hand Yenna." Michael said while looking the statue of Spek from all angles possible. Unknown if by accident or if by unconcious choice, Michael ran his digits under the statue's base, feeling it to have been carved up.
Turning it upside down he glanced at carved letters in the Tuskir's written tongue, which to him looked akin to unreadable scratches. Before he could even ask about their meaning Yenna spoke, almost solemnly.
"Tough Hide Spek, The Forever Guardian." The young tuskir said as he sniffled while seating himself near Michael.
"Looks like a good piece, brother." Gharna said from the side with a soft proudness to her voice.
"Indeed. Where are you thinking of putting it?" Michael confirmed his own feelings of admiration towards the small sculpture.
"Thought ya could hold onto it, a reminder o' us fer while yer gone. I was useless in that fight, hidin' with the younger piglets an' guardin' 'em... actin' as if it got to it I could protect them... while you all were layin' yer lives down, fightin'. This is the only thing I'm good at... you were close to 'im so I thought it would be only natural that he look over ya for us." Yenna said with a pain of his own in his words as he verbally flagellated himself over his helplessness.
"Yenna. Don't be harsh on yourself, everyone's got their talents. Yours will be most important." Michael then stood up in a very official manner and he put a hand on the young tuskir's shoulder. "You'll actually make yourself invaluable. You'll be pretty much carving all the handles for the steel peelers we will be selling. And to make the sales go better I recommend making them with engraved designs in the wood or even carving random names into them, since some people love buying stuff like that."
At that point Yenna looked back at Michael, the previous glint of emotionally charged energy dissapearing from his gaze while the unhearable echo of a mute glass crack seemed to make the young tuskir wince. "I'll be what?!"
"Yes." Michael said with a small proud smile as he nodded and patted Yenna on the back.
Gharna couldn't help herself, so she let out snorts, chuckles and short squeals as she giggled. "W-well hah! Ahem... pft... blood brother, you always did say you liked to carve things daintier than plain handaxes..." she added in a teasing tone.
"By the Hunt Father, that sucks for ya Yen-yen." Azhul said trying and succeeding a bit better at masking her chuckles. Still, the large tuskir woman's giggles would be interrupted by a slap on her furred nape from her own mother who seemed to hear her. "AGH! What was that fer?!"
"Who do ya fink is gon' be makin' the blades?" The older buff sow asked while looking at her daughter with mild dissapointment.
Azhul took half a minute longer than she should have to spit out an answer. "Us?" She said while Zurra stared at her with mild dissapointment, giving a single solemn confirming nod. "Oh-... ohhh.... Uughhhhhh... us..." she said with a premptively exhausted tone, as she came to this realization, with a deflating snort and groan while facepalming.
Azhul's reaction managed to rip chuckles and hearty laughs from most of those around, Michael laughing hard enough to nearly keel over from it. As the human took a moment to calm down, the corner of his eye would be greeted by the first wisps of light presenting themselves on the horizon. The moment he saw them, his jovial laugh seemed to drop, his eyes looking at the slowly crawling rays of light as if they were telling him something.
"Well... it seems like my time has expired. I'll... uhm... check my shack once over and make sure I didn't forget anything." The human said as he took a glance into his leathet backpack and then slung it over his shoulders.
"Ah-... alright. We'll start cleaning up here and when we're all done, we'll see you at the gate." Runhar said as he finished his broth, his tone betraying his own insecurities despite supporting this final plan.
Michael nodded back to the captain before taking a few moments to grasp a half asleep Woh and untangle her from the curls at the top of his head. Although he tried not to wake her, the amphoran woke up blinking lazily one eye at a time before her gaze focused on Michael's face.
"Aaagh~... is the borin' talking done, yet?" She asked while stretching relaxed inbetween Michael's digits, then groaning and going limp much like a sibling would when carried by the older one.
"Yeah. And I'm also preparing to leave. Sun's about to come up so I need to get to the Rock Backs." The human replied with a chuckle at the display before leaning down to set Woh on the seat he previously occupied.
The little amphibian humanoid held onto his digits as if to protest the release. "You promise yer comin' back, ye? I've got years o' hugs and cuddle naps I gotta make up for and I'm needin' ya for that." She said while slowly letting go and curling up on the seat, her gullet inflating as she croaked with exhaustion.
"Mhm. Don't worry. I'll come back and that's a promise I intend to keep." Michael said giving Woh a few scritches onto her back, at which the amphoran let a few low and quick croaks akin to a cat's pur.
"Good... an-... don't take too long... otherwise I'm latchin' myself to your face and never letting go, kero..." Woh said while struggling to stay awake, her conciousness fading as she'd doze off.
Michael smile as he laughed silently responding with a nod before making his way to the shack he called a home for the past while. Inside the ex-storage hut, he'd give the place one final cursory glance, making sure to pack a few clothes he nearly forgot thrown about. Once that was done with, as he was about to turn and exit, the door would creak behind him.
Vodra, together with a half awake Nushii, waltzed in slowly. Michael, unsurprised, would turn and smile as he rubbed one of his eyes. "Eh? Going to sleep already? And here I thought you'd see me off at the gate."
"Nushii's about to keel over asleep again, so I thought it'd be good if she was at least in our beds. I for one am not a fan of things such as seeing someone off in a group." Vodra said while leaning against a creaky wooden wall.
Nushii would stumble a bit before flopping herself onto Michael, who, despite being startled, manages to hold himself and the half asleep Hay-yen up. "Why ya need to go? Who are we going to listen to music with as we sleep, eh? Screw the others... my cousin is a doo doo head anyways..." she mumbled and groaned while nuzzling her head into Michael's hair while closing her half open tired eyes.
"Ay... don't say that. Sigh... I know what it is like to have toxic family members... there's no excuse for the things they did, but that doesn't mean some of them can change, ya know? She was really fired up back at camp. She at least seems to want to have you around. Give it a go and see how you feel about it, then decide if YOU want her in your life, ok?" Michael would say while scratching one of Nushii's ears with a hand and petting her shoulder with the other. "Also... please get off... I feel like my bacl or my knees will give out... p-please." He groaned.
Nushii would let out an affirmative yawned yap like noise, although hard to tell what exactly she was agreeing to. She'd push herself off of Michael and then flop onto one of the beds, sniffing about and crawling her way into a curled up position, smack in the middle of Michael's bed.
The human giggled at the sight as he began making his way to the door, where Vodra stood leaned against the wall. "I uhm... wanted to thank you... for everything." He'd say looking at Vodra as he whispered his words.
"Thank me? I should be the one doing that." Vodra replied in the same low tone.
"Well... I wanted to thank you for all the help you've given around, for trusting me, for co-operating in the beginning... for not slitting my throat in my sleep once you two were out of holding, heh." Michael said with a clearly jesting tone towards the end.
Vodra listened silently as her ears would lower, her head turning to look at him. "I see. I feel like I am the one that owes you... thinking about it... it sounds foolish, but getting taken hostage was the best thing that happened to me. Before that I found myself not really caring about much... I just wanted to do what I had to do and sleep... because at least when I was asleep I didn't feel miserable. Now... I'm actually relatively eager to see what I'm doing when I'm awake."
The Hay-yen woman took a moment to glance at Nushii, who had settled in and appeared to be asleep, as she then gazed back at the human and with a rather stiff and awkward motion she's lean forward her massive and hunched frame, pressing her forehead against the side of his face and her snout into his neck. "When we talked about The Devourer... before that... I never even considered if it was not true or fake or at least... not my truth... not what I wanted to believe in. I just accepted it and resigned myself to the fate I was preached to end up with... if not for you... I'd still see each day as a bleak and empty moment of a pointless existence." Vodra said as small whines escaped at times between her words, a wetness taking to her eyes, that Michael felt against the side of his face.
The human would acknowledge Vodra's subtle burst of emotions by wrapping an around her neck, rubbing the top of her head between the ears. "I struggled with something like that to... the feeling of living for no reason only to know you'll die and that the end might be horrible. The faith of my specific tribe of people back home preached of their beliefs in a bleak and depressing manner, too. I hated it and 'cause of it... I still fear death now, but I've been getting better, you will too. No true Gods would want their mortal children to be miserable, instead they'd want them to learn to live satisfied and enlightened lives and... if there's no Gods that await us when it is all done... at least we know we lived in a good honest way, that we deemed fit and that made us happy."
Vodra didn't reply as she shook lightly against Michael, instead listening content. She'd pull her head back to look at the human, half his face covered in a mix of stray fur hairs mixed with a wetness produced by her tears. As if by instinct she'd give his mug a few licks to clean up the mess before pulling back. "Well... y-yeah. That's what I'm thankful for." She'd say as her usual collected self would start showing again. "Now, get going. Don't want those Rock Backs to go back on their deal 'cause you're arriving late. I need to catch a bit of rest anyways..." The Hay-yen would say as she went past Michael and then curled up on her own bed.
"Sleep well." The human replied as one last faint smile rested upon his lips as he exited the hut, the door creaking as he left.
His lonesome steps made the mix of grass and dirt bemeath his boots to crackle and slosh as he walked. Still, Michael didn't hear them as his mind thought of the situation that was awaiting him. Nobody he could trust would be by his side, he'd have to fake his true self for the purpose of apperances and maintaing their ruse.
'Heh... and here I thought I'd never be the type of person to pretend to be someone he isn't, for the sake of gaining something. Sigh... there's a first for everything, I guess. I said the same thing when I was younger about smoking, yet I fell into that myself. Eeeeh... I could go for a smoke... if I had any left.' Michael thought as he then bumped into something akin to a soft pillar.
Taking half a second to recover from his broken focus, Michael looked at the obstacle he bumped, quickly realizing it was actually Azhul. Confused, his mind quickly came to a possible conclusion to her sudden appearance near his old hut. "Oh- Sorry for taking a moment longer to linger! Was saying goodnight to Vodra and Nushii. Took a second longer than I thought."
"Heh. Aye, yer spot on an' no worries. I just wondered if yer reconsidering this whol' thing. Wouldn't blame ya if you just wanted us to fight it out wif the Rock Backs. It'd make things easier honestly." The large young sow said with a clearly jovial tone, albeit with a tinge of exhaustion to it.
"Heh. I couldn't ask that of you all. We barely made it through that ordeal and not without paying hefty prices... all of us." Michael said in a easy tone that tried and failed to hide a bitterness he still held in himself.
"... Michael. Spek wouldn't blame ya fer his death, truly... Ya kno' that, right?" Azhul said in a softened tone as her ears flopped slightly, a small huff leaving her flat snout.
"I know. I discussed this before. I just... it's not wether he blames me or not... it is wether I can stop blaming myself for it." Michael said with a strained face, his expression seeming to tense, his nostrils flared as he pressed his lips together tight, his eyes shining from the moon light with the glaze of tears that coated them, still and unshed. "So, I'll do my best to care for you all... like Spek would have."
Azhul looked Michael in the eye and after he took a moment to release the tension in his body, the large Tuskir woman, went on to wrap her arms around him and embrace him. He'd pull the human's head into her chest as a three fingered hand grasped his back, the other resting onto the crest of his head.
"Eh?! Azhul?! Didn't you say this is somethi-" Michael yelped muffled from the embrance, his previous sombre mood entirely changing, simply from how sudden the hug yhay enveloped him was.
"Aye. Somethin' ya don' just do with anyone, for tuskir that is. Ya hoomans do it for multiple reasons, ain't that about right? Consoling someone, sounds about right as one o' 'em." The built sow said while slightly tensing her arms around him, as if afraid he'll slip from her grasp. She rested her head on top of his, taking a second to sniff his hair lightly.
"Ah-... yeah... that'd be a reason. Heh... thank you... this... does help." Michael said as he wrapped his own arms around the tuskir woman, although unable to fully wrap them around her.
Azhul huffed repeatedly quick and short as her flat nose nuzzled into Michael's curls, before she looked up, staring at the starry sky while still holding him. "Oi. Ya make sure you come back in one piece, ya hear? And don' go dying, getting nabbed, fallin' fer some ditzy nobody's schemes or anythin' that'll keep ya from coming back to... to... to us, ye?"
"Heh. Don't worry. I'll make sure as soon as I'm done there, I'm coming back ASAP... ah... you'd not know what 'ASAP' means..." Michael said from the hug with an awkward laugh.
"Eh. Presume it's some word that's supposed to mean that you'll come quick or as soon as possible. So don' worry. I getcha." Azhul said as she seemed to take a few moments longer before letting go of Michael, the hand that wrapped to the human's back, now lagged behind a moment longer before letting go with a twitch in the tuskir woman's digits.
Michael realizing it wasn't the time to explain acronyms, nodded as she smiled with a relaxed exhale. "Yeah. Just about that. Well. Let's go then. Don' wanna make the others have second thoughts as well." He'd say while starting to walk in the direction of the gate. Still, Michael stopped immediately as he noticed Azhul was still turned back and unmoving. "Ah... you're not coming?"
The large sow seemed frozen for a few moments, her previous hand still semi outstretched forward, as if reaching for something in the air. After her digits twitched once more and a louder sligtly snotty sounding huff escaped her flat nose, Azhul stretched and let out a yawn. "Ah-... w-well... huff ...I already said my piece. Gonna go ahead an' get some sleep." She replied as she then began heading in the opposing direction at a slow pace.
"Oh, right. Rest well and take care! I'll miss ya and your mother! Hope we can forge more stuff together when I'm back!" Michael replied with his spirits properly uplifted.
Azhul staggered her steps at his words, as if from exhaustion. "... C-Can't wait. Come back already." She said as she waved with the back of her hand, still going her way to rest.
Michael nodded despite knowing she couldn't see him as he then headed to the gate. There more words, encouragements and goodbyes were exchanged by all members of the tribe to their departing pink member. After a last awkward moment of half muttered sentences, Runhar had the gates opened, Michael stepping out towards the darkened forest.
Before he got too far and the rest of his tribe closed up their little safe haven, the human turned to them and in the dim light of the few torches around, he said: "I'll miss you all! See you soon!"
From there his departure felt as quick as the wind, as his form faded into the black nothingness of the forest at night. All of a sudden, the time this stranger turned friend spent in this little settlement, in the middle of nowhere, felt a little shorter than before, but not any less important to all involved.

I'm not talking about what GW is going to do, but lets say that for some random and totally irrational reason Games Workshop approached you, yes you random 40k civilian, and said you have to design the new Deathwatch codex for 10th edition. It can't be absolutely busted, has to feel like it would be something that could realistically be introduced into the game. What would you do with the new Deathwatch Codex?
This came up in conversation a few weeks back and it got me thinking and I want to see what everyone else would do. Instead of focusing on the doom and gloom of recent rumors that GWs about to GUT the Deathwatch, or at the very least roll them into the Agents of the Imperium, lets pretend things are amazing and that GW has our best interest(and money) in mind and would make the perfect Deathwatch for us. What does that look like to you?
Just sharing my answer, it would be something like absolutely breaking the Kill Team system and just letting us pick any 5 infantry/mounted units to be in a single kill team. You could only select 1 of each type of infantry/mounted unit but just go crazy with the silly and ridiculous combinations. I want to see a Heavy Intercessor, Aggressor, Terminator, Outrider, and Veteran w/IHB in a single squad. Imagine the combinations!

Hi everyone,
I’m retaking the GRE on June 1. I took my first sitting on April 11. I got a 164Q and 156V. 5 on Essay.
Math journey:
I’ve had an interesting journey with Math. I worked my way up from about a 155 when I first studied all the way up to a 170 (it would be rare for me to not get a 170) until about a month before the real April GRE, when I fell down to a 164 (including those the weeks before). This was all pretty much pre-GregMat or casually using GregMat. I have NEVER gotten the 170 back since. Closest I got was a 168 on GregMat's Beta 2 Test.
Verbal journey:
I got through all 34 day sets of vocab mountain on GregMat and have made specific quizlets on those I still can’t provide a synonym or an accurate enough definition for and am hammering those. Of the 1,020 words, probably 340 are in the “work in progress” quizlets. My vocab compared to how I was doing even in the April GRE has improved from about 60% to 80% accuracy. I’ve found that about 60% of my misses are due to just not enough grasp with a word or two in the problem, and the other 40% is due to context.
I’m going through the dedicated reading videos on GregMat right now. I’m not sure why but apparently on the GRE real one in April, I just bombed all short passages and crushed all long ones. I’m deliberately practicing identifying the main idea, function, simplifying, etc. I imagine I’ll have quite a bit of work this week before starting to have to go into defense mode. My sample size is small (ETS Course Pack I only did like 26 questions) but it seems like as long as it’s not “select all that apply” the techniques more or less seem to work (at least the general habit of identifying main idea, simplifying sentences through rephrasing, etc.). I think some of the very details of GregMat techniques make leaps I can’t grasp yet (identifying which words mean what function) but the overarching framework and habits do seem to be helping.
Arguments - I haven’t addressed these yet in my re-study but I assume the “details of the techniques that make leaps I can’t grasp yet” is going to be actually most helpful here.
What should I be doing to further help my studying in preparation for the exam?
I know we need to try to find mock ETS or things that follow as much as possible to ETS as we can. Math is usually I found universally OK except GregMat but only bc GregMat tests you on the nuanced details of your foundations, so the real thing is going to be easier.
I am worried about verbal though. I’ve reset my ETS Mentor Course Pack and I’ll probably be retaking and deliberately trying to explain why the right answers are what they are when I redo them. I’m a little worried my subconscious will cheat to remember these — as it has in prior exams.

Carol Frye
Fiction Workshop
Apr 19, 2024
My Escape
Yes this is a serious plot, anime fans. We are in a literary fiction class, it will be original
Chapter 1
Trigger Warning: Suicidal Ideation
Seoyeon wanted to faint, or get sick, or randomly fall into a coma. It was a familiar feeling. She sat at the blindingly bright cram school . This entire life felt like a prison in the darkening day. And in this moment of her life her cell was the rows and rows of desks that lie next to each other and pale beige walls. But she, like most prisoners, didn’t want to die. She couldn’t blame those who did.
She just wished that she lived in any other rich country. Sometimes, she daydreamed about swimming from the Busan harbor to the relaxing sunny beaches of California or Washington state. She still remembered going to In N’ Out, the fries, the burger, the “audacious” kids not studying at 8pm on a wednesday. Instead they were sitting down, talking, using their phones, while sitting on tables veiled by umbrellas, while the sun set. She was annoyed by how little international travel she did. Sometimes the In N’ Out felt more real than the cram school. But usually the cram school felt more real than the In N’ Out.
“Seoyeon. You have to be studying right now.” The teacher said in his usual sharp and slightly heavy voice.
Stupid fucking cram school.
Stupid fucking cram teacher. These words always played in her mind while here.
But she did her work, getting distracted or doodling every few minutes. And she anticipated, always anticipated the next class on the bullshit schedule she did every day, counting down the moments until she could leave. The sunset was a good marker that she was in the home stretch. Thursday were the worst kinds of days because they were the days where all of her cram schools were done. Her parents budgeted a little by buying more sessions in what she was bad at. She was good at english, and math, but she simply couldn’t understand biology or especially Korean. She liked rules, Math had rules, and so did English. The rules of english are irrational, and the language contains truckloads of irritating surprises in terms of pronunciation. And sometimes the rules weren’t even always consistent. No, it must have been her history of learning languages. She might’ve liked Korean, but all that was done was boring shitty depressing books. And it would be mediocre if it weren’t for the fact that she had no idea how to intercept the text. It all had to be cookie cutter. English was the last of this class marathon of walking for cram school to cram school over and over again.
That was what she was thinking in the middle of the cold night, walking to the bus home. Only the bright as hell city lights and consumerist billboard guided her. Nobody bothered to place street lights. The weather changed significantly from day to night. The jean jacket that was good enough with her t-shirt in the morning now made her cold. Slowly, the nights were coming early and the prison got darker. She was annoyed by this a s it reminder her of the time she had to fucking waste. She didn’t usually think about this sort of thing at all. Rather she chose to rebel by thinking about new metas in games, and new tv shows (That aren’t stupid K-dramas. She didn’t want to admit she liked those.). People said that she was strapped to her favorite MMOs but she saw it as freedom. A lovely beautiful simple world where she could do so, so much more than study. She could be an adventurer, a hero even. She heard of hikikomori in Japan, people who leech off of their parents and stay at home. She couldn’t allow herself to leech off her parents. She would not leech off her mom, Haeun and especially not her Dad, Doyun, who already couldn’t speak and had a hell of a bad time with his shitty job. And as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she felt like she had to work. Instead hoped that one day she could just get an apartment of her own and live alone being a hero forever. Forget this stupid work culture. Either way she has never had more than six hours of sleep. After all, as the stupid saying goes, you’ll only get into a college if you have less than four hours of sleep. Isn’t that what they want? Seoyeon hoped that her father knew deep down that this was her escape, or that Mom wanted her sufficiently sleep-deprived and this was the way to do that.
At home she she open the door to her living room/dining room which consisted of a dirty white hard couch and cyan pillows. The table was large and glass. Doyun peaked out from the side of the TV. It was the placer where another parent might have called Soyun, but he couldn’t speak or even yell if she tried. He signed “Hello, you better have done your cram school. We will now do homework”
Seoyun walked into the skinny kitchen which was a hallway reaching towards the left. Doyun sat at the far end. She sat on her chair at her desk next to Doyun. She had to do some normal distributions. God, what’s the point in that?
She had to be at least 2.5 standard deviations lower than most people in terms of time saying Korean per day. For one, she learned sign language before Korean, her dad was mute and could only model that language for him and Haeun played a minimal role in her development. His boss never learned sign language and his wife only learned a few signs. They instead preferred to speak to him through a method that he could understand but couldn’t respond in. But he was mute, and her Mom, Haeun, and therefore only played a minor role as a parent, couldn’t even be there to model speech. It was only with instruction from her (at 3!) that she learned to articulate the words in the language she already learned to read (also at 3, she was smarter than average). But out of habit, she always kept signing to her dad. But don’t get it wrong, she felt grateful for being capable of speech. How the heck else was she going to complain?
She didn’t want to be like her dad, who was, by necessity, quiet and small. Doyun, the polite factory worker. The perfect factory worker, who could never respond, only listen and obey. Doyun, who wanted to sign reassurances to his coworkers about how everything’s fine, and to not listen to the colored remarks of his boss, but none of them know KSL. She was certain that Doyun must’ve accepted that he had to go with the flow, and that was why he was the way he was. Even his wife didn’t bother to learn more than a few signs. She much preferred to speak in a method where he could only listen and not respond. She pitied her dad’s lack of vocal cords. And she was not planning on living the way her dad made her live, but she did not want dad to feel the pain of struggling against her currents.
⭑◉⭑
After yet more assignments, a long night of playing SohanWorld with her (male) American friend Gorgen was due. She had to use VPNs to contact the server but that was a microscopic price for being able to play past midnight, and avoid the stupid server curfew.
Gorgen So I found some side hustles where u don’t have to leave home
Neenok Cool
Gorgen You’re so good at this game and overwatch. IDK why u don’t want to play competitively
Neenok I hate this place. I say that over and over.
Gorgen I know. But isn’t gaming fun? I thought u hated the educational system. lol
Neenok You don’t know how competitive gaming is. I am good but I hate spending 6-12 hours of my life in any pressure place.
Gorgen It is “place with pressure” lol. (Seoyeon was mildly annoyed by that) Anyway gonna answer questions randomly on the test or what? It’s coming up in 8 days.
Neenok My dad would know if I did, because I would get about a 25%. Some questions are not A, B, C, and D, you have to write them out. Yes it is coming out in 8 days.
Gorgen Just get 60% of the questions wrong or something.
Neenok can’t
Gorgen why
...
Gorgen why
Neenok I don’t want to put in the effort into answering the questions
Gorgen lol u really that lazy
Neenok I’m not I just can’t have them win. Can have them force me to do this.
Neenok Oh no! Oh no I’m on a server.
Seoyeon would’ve said oh god if her limited english allowed it. Language skills weren’t really valued her.s
Gorgen I’m one of the few english players and the only reason im here is that I bribe the compsci teacher with snacks LMAO. What time is it in korea
Neenok 1:30Am we are not even supposed to play games at this time
Gorgen literally 1984
Neenok You always say that
Neenok let me tell you something.
Neenok I want to prove them wrong so bad. I hate this place I hate the pressure and I want to prove that I don’t need it. That is why I am not doing e sports
Gorgen Damn
Neenok What do you mean?
Gorgen I can’t believe ur determined like that. TBH, if I were like that I would deny capitalism.
Neenok but the US is great. What is bad about the US?
Gorgen FFS we don’t have universal healthcare. My dad is getting sick and we are in a money crunch rn.
Gorgen Our government is corrupt lol. So much corporate bullshit in the government. Both parties are the corporate party.
Seoyeon You have no clue what corrupt means!
Seoyeon shut the computer off because she didn’t want his slander of what she felt was a distant, pure, milk and honey land. She knew she couldn’t come back there. It was all much less pressure. While trying to sleep, she remembered the level up system for spells 1, then 1+2=3, then 3+3=6. She thought that would try to succeed on those questions. Then for each number after those, she would try to fail. Otherwise, she would just make a rough guess.
She wrote down this great idea
Well, she thought, didn’t need his help to screw up the test anyway.
⭑◉⭑
The next day, Seoyeon’s Mom, Haeun came from her business trip in the Philippines. Seoyeon’s notebook was left open and moved into the living room. Seoyeon knew that Haeun wanted to talk with her. So she herself must've made a mistake. Seoyeon had drawn her ideal single room apartment where she made no contact with anyone on the right page, and on the left was a note on how to fail the CSAT. For Seoyeon it was her escape plan as a prisoner of this stupid society. A bundle of hope. But her Haeun wanted to play stool pigeon.
“You really decided to be this lazy.” She looked like she didn’t care. “Well, I want you to succeed” Haeun said this if she was told that this was the automatic thing you were supposed to say in response.
“Don’t tell dad about this-”
“You will not be a parasite” She interrupted “I will tell him because I’m tried of him being such a-
“I'll do the right thing! I'll do the right thing! Sometimes. I make things up.” She rushed to say.
“Why would you even dream about this thing? Why would you care show god damn much about burdening us”
“Burdening! I don’t want to live with you! I just don’t want to do anything!”
“I thought you said you would do the right thing. And why do you like making yourself so pathetic.”
“No I’m not. No I’m not.”
“Then why are you doing it?”
“I DON’T WANT TO BE A PARASITE! I JUST WANT TO REBEL AGAINST THE CULTURE OF THIS STUPID COUNTRY! I WANT TO PROVE THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE FORCED TO DO THIS SHIT.”
“You don’t understand where I came from. Let me explain something.” Seoyeon sat down.
“I didn’t want to marry your father but I had to. He was in love with me. I didn’t care for him but he was better than my other suitors. You were an accident. We weren’t planning on having any children but my parents were against abortioning you. I wish I could but I didn’t.” Haeun stood up, walked a bit closer and leaned in. “Sometimes… You have to go with the rules. If you love your parents that time will be know”
Seoyeon was floored. She always hoped, really hoped that Haeun secretly loved her and her Dad, that like other fictional parents, she was just busy. But she was never there, and she was never aware.
And all she could say after 2 minutes, faintly, was “fake.”
“You call me fake?” Haeun cornered Seoyeon as she was about to leave
“FAKE! All of this love was fake!”
Doyun ran into the room, and, after a bit of hesitation, peeled off her Haeun’from the wall.
“I read her notebook and noticed that she wanted to go be lazy and screw up her test”
Doyun looked angry and held her head within his hands, turning it towards him.
He grabbed her head gently but firmly from above and signed “Seoyeon, I need you to succeed. I know the future is scary but it is gonna be alright.”
“Yeah, as I said it's only a fantasy.” she said.
Haeun looked in the notebook and flipped some pages back. “You were taking it seriously!”
Doyun signs backed her up “Seoyeon, you will not do that.”
“You've always been too soft” Haeun said to Doyun “and, Seoyeon, you are a spoiled piece of shit. If I were like you I would've left all of you. But I am responsible. I will never ever allow you to fulfill any of your fantasies, not even if you decide not to be a parasite on this family. I expect you to listen to society.”
Seoyeon just ran. His dad tried to come after her. She sprinted and got onto a bus without him.
⭑◉⭑
She ran off the bus a few stops later. She felt crazy and wanted the decision to be reversable. God, her mom hated her. She knew now that she could never obey. She was tired, and walked into some random park of plaza will benches. People walked all around her. The park was at sunset. (She had more time on Friday because she didn’t go to math and english during this time.) She then looked at the annoying, evil sign outside the cram school. “If not now, then when?” Such a stupid ideogly. An ideogly invented by the cram schools invented by everyone fuck over every high schooler in korea. And Samsung loved it, her Dad was brainwashed by it, and her Mom only cared about her following it. Was cram school seriously time sensitive shit? From their perspective it was. It was necessary, essential for any life goals. Life goals like mine. The sunset started reminding her of the landmark she used time and time agains to mark the home stretch of this school after school. Escape: If not now, then when? If today wasn’t the day to be free how much longer will I have to wait? How will Mom trying to stop this dream, this escape? Will I be able to succeed at that point?
A person brushed past her and broke her out of her trance. She spent the rest of the day wandering around until it was midnight dark. There were no consumerist billboards or street lamps so she couldn’t see a thing. She got tired eventually and sat down on a bench. She took out her phone. She was in such a daze that she had forgotten her phone existed until now. She saw a sign with the same stupid message as when she started. I guess this slogan is popular …and effective. She felt so much calmer. Outside was a little bubble tea stand. Some teenagers and a lone hairy skinny fat adult sat outside of the bubble tea stand. The stand emitted bright white-yellow light that vaguely illuminated. She could she simple white house with a frames in different colors red, green and blue. She wished she lived there.
The stand reminded her of the bubble tea shop she went to with her weekend job money. Her crush Wook was often there. She would ask out wook, if she didn’t believe that she was a shitty girlfriend. She didn’t care about her looks and was under no delusion that she looked beautiful. Her hair was straight and tangled and while it wasn’t gray or anything it gave off the feeling of having aged like an old dusty school chair from lack of grooming. She had a skin tone resembling a lighter shade of the skin of almonds, and two clouds of freckles in formations around two sagging phone lines propped up between cheekbones and lips on each side. She never wanted to go outside, and had shitty hobbies that she thought no boy would be interested in. She didn’t have the emotional energy to even try to return affection and while she could articulate she knew it as the reason she was a bad girlfriend. So she ignored him.
She looked around for some way to escape but she didn’t know how. So impulsive, and at first solemnly, she got onto the bridge. The houses were still clearer now. Each one having gardens and quiet dark streets. She sees a factory and an industiial distort downstream coated in brown and gray. There no fucking way to ecapse. I’ll be fucked up I’m a orphan at this point I’m a orphan at this point. She looked down in the water.
You shouldn’t do this! This is stupid. You shouldn’t die!
It’s okay. It's just dark. You would even see the river just jump.
A great debate raged in her mind between common sence, because her will to live and general reluctance to die and her want to espcae, the voice inside her head saying: “There’s no other way, how else can we leave?” and “if not now, then when?”
She leaned on the bridge then stopped herself. And stared for a moment. She heard frantic footsteps.
It was her dad, and his face said it all. He knew what was going on.
What in the actual fuck has gotten into me?
He signed “I’m sorry”
She signed “Dad, Mom said that she doesn’t love you. She said that it was a mistake”
He signed “Is that why you did it?”
She yelled: “Don’t blame yourself! Please don’t blame yourself! I was just looking at the river… Don’t blame Mom either…”
Doyun chased Seoyeon.
See, you are a spoiled brat. You just fished for sympathy.
You bitch, now you should fall in there.
Just escape. He has so much on fucking mind. He has to go to sleep at 9:00 pm everyday and the only reason why he doesn’t sleep at 8 is because of you.
Everything you do is so contradictory. You want to be free so how about you just jump the fuck in.
The water splashed. Seoyeon had already gotten off the bridge but she didn't know how to swim very well. Doyun couldn't swim at all and just wade-ran at the edge of the river. Good. Just steadily swim towards the center of the river. At some point he'll stop trying to get me.
She wasn’t scared but her body was. She squeezed her eyes closed. She just tried to get through the river to go with the flow and try to swim slightly faster in case her Dad was crazy enough to follow her.
She came to check if everything was ok. She looked back seeing if Dad was around. She felt like she was about to die of hypothermia. She saw her Dad in a lifeboat. Right then she knew that she deserved nothing.
Contrary to her survival instinct, her eyes began to blur with tears.
She said, and signed “I love I just want to leave I want to escape” hoping that his eyes or ears would perceive it.
Someone pulled her from the waters. Or at least she assumed. She was in some kind of gray room but she couldn’t tell because her vision was so blurry. The woman looked off and inhuman, not really it an uncanny valley kind of way. Her voice sounded like an angelic version of a robot voice but not in a voice that seemed unnatural.
“I have a deal for you Seoyeon. I know how much you want to escape.”