Male (22) and female (19)- I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 months now. Things were great, at first. More recently she has been very clingy.
For example, she’ll say things like “you don’t love me as much as i love you” and say that I don’t text her as much as I did in the beginning. I did take a back seat to texting, as I have a busy job and can’t be on my phone all the time. When I come home, I’m exhausted and usually make dinner and go to bed.
Recently we had sex and she said “remember how good it feels when you want to break up with me” even though I’ve never mentioned wanting to break up with her.
Even though I admittedly don’t text her as much as we have in the past, I still say ‘I love you’ almost 10 times a day, as I am reciprocating her… and she’ll get mad it if don’t say it back. One time I said “love you too” and she got upset and said that’s something I would say to my mom.
I’ve talked to my co-worker (older lady) about this and she said it sounds like she has some major daddy issues. Tbf, her dad wasn’t around much when she was growing up and had a pretty dangerous job (coal miner)
I called her clingy after I did not text her for 8 hours one day (me and friends went golfing) and she told me that I needed to apologize and had another thing coming…
AITAH? Or is she bat shit insane and if so how do I salvage this because I still actually like this girl
edit- although we dont text as much, I’ve had this conversation with her a couple times and try to explain that actions are bigger than words. I do my best to plan dates with her on my days off and when we actually see each other, everything is mostly great

The guy I’ve been dating took photos of me during sex without my consent and knowledge. I had a weird feeling after we had sex, when he went to the bathroom to clean himself up I checked his phone and found he’d taken multiple photos of me during it without my knowledge. I deleted them all and also deleted them from his recently deleted. I confronted him about it, he did apologise a lot and he kept apologising the next day also, and calling himself an idiot etc. he bought me a cookie in my favourite flavour as an apology. I didn’t know how to feel at the time and I let him sleep over anyway afterwards. I can’t tell if he’s genuinely sorry or if he’s being manipulative. Because I think he’s trying to make me feel guilty, even though I wasn’t the one who did anything wrong. He keeps calling himself stupid and an idiot non stop, and then he started telling me about his family problems etc, and problems he’s going through at the moment that aren’t relevant at all. It’s like he’s making the me feel guilty to deflect his actions. I’m so confused and hurt by it all.
Up until that point he seemed perfect, but possibly too perfect, I think I may have been love bombed by him. Constantly over complimenting me, telling be I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever met, giving me gifts after not knowing me for long, talking about our future etc. He was doing this as soon as we started dating, I new something wasn’t right, but I was so happy that someone was treating me nicely because all my experiences with dating men previously have been terrible. I feel so empty. It’s like every time I think it’s going to be better it’s not. Im let down every time. Men only ever sexualise me, I feel like they only lie to me and pretend to be romantically interested so they can sleep with me and treat me like shit.
I don’t know what to do now, I initially felt very numb and desensitised and told him i would see him again, but now it’s starting to hit how upset I feel and how wrong this actually is. I don’t know if I should forgive him because he’s non stop apologising and trying to make things right, but I feel incredibly violated and betrayed.

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3^rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .

we've been together just over 10 months. Over that time some odd things have happened which made me question my trust in her and I like her but have been slightly wary of her since. I've been staying with her at her apartment for the past couple months or so and lately nothing too weird has happened and she seemed to be much better overall. But she recently asked if I wanted to move in and I just felt like I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment at this point as I was still trying to regain her trust and wasn't fully over some of the stuff that happened, and so I ended things. She is completely heartbroken, says she's in love with me and wants me in her life. And I question whether I made the right choice and whether I overreacted to some of the stuff the has happened.
I wanted to write out all the situations but the post got way too long too quick. But one of the bigger incidents was once (before I was staying there consistently) we were texting throughout the day and then suddenly she stopped replying, And I didn't hear from her for the rest of the day. I tried again the next morning and then finally she replied that afternoon but it was a very short response that's very unlike her. Then that night she texted saying a guy had gotten stabbed outside of her apartment while trying to help her with something. So she brought him up to her apt and tended to his wounds and had him stay the night there (she says he stayed out on the couch). I didn't know what was going on and was a little bit angry as well and then she called me. She acted like it was no big deal but she could tell in my voice I was not in a good mood (I was trying to figure out what was happening) and she said I was being rude and hung up on me, and also said the guy had left.
She called again moments later (or I did I can't remember) and there was some guy talking in the background who I thought was one of her roommates but she said it was the guy. I said "I thought he left," she said "he came back." I didn't know what to say and then she's like "ooooh you got real quiet" in a mocking type way. The guy is super drunk and she's pretty drunk too I think. They were both being a little disrespectful to me and he mentioned how they played cards together the night before (something that was a thing her and I had started doing together recently which I really enjoyed) and they mentioned they were going to play a game this night too. He was telling jokes and in one of them mentioned the town and street I live on which was really weird. Also mentioned at one point that his son or sons came over as well (I think to check on him but also it sounded like they hung out for a bit too).
It seemed like he was going to stay the night again. I didn't know what to do but my instincts were going wild and while it was late and I had to go to work early and it's like a 35 min drive to where she lives, I said I was coming. We also facetimed and the dude was chilling laying back on her bed. I stayed on the phone the whole way there. Once I said I was coming she got a little quiet and the guy started acting nervous and at one point said "you didn't mention you had a boyfriend" (she says she did mention it) and "at least we didn't have sex". He kept saying he's got to go but she said stay and meet my boyfriend. I get there and they're in her room with beer cans and tobacco everywhere and then he leaves. She said to him "you can stay but we are taking the bed," (she may have said "room" but I'm pretty sure she said bed) which shouldn't that go unmentioned?? Once he was gone she's like "are you breaking up with me?" I wanted to in that moment but I pictured her just calling up that guy and having him come back if I did right then plus I was still in shock as to what just happened so said "no."
We talked a little about it in the following days and she knew I was not happy with what happened but we didn't have any huge in-depth discussion about it. Since that day she makes random comments here and there like "you're the only guy I want in my room," or "you're the only guy who would be anywhere near my bed" little comments like that in conversation.
There was a point where she was trying to get off of a certain medication, without a doctors help and was struggling with it big time and acting extra crazy due to it and I can't remember if this was during that time or not, but either way it's a bit messed up right? And even though she's been way better lately, I can't help but still be disgusted by this.
There are a few more incidents in the past I'd like to share but this one's probably the worst. And it's too bad because she seems to have changed for the better lately now that she's getting proper medication and whatnot from a doctor but not enough time has passed to where I have regained my trust on her and not think of incidents like this.

3 days ago i found out my (now ex) boyfriend had a second account on here dedicated to porn. During my awful discovery, I came across messages as well that offered women to pay for their online services such as facetime, videos and pictures. I didnt even mean to find this out, he gave me access to his computer for whatever it is that i needed because we lived together and sometimes i just liked playing on his PC. So when my bestfriend facetimed me to ask if i could help her create a feetfinder account i gladly looked up some examples and decided to look on his computer where i came across a redd post of some girl promoting her account and thats when my nosy ass decided to look around for more and hit the search bar and then found everything.
When he was on his way home he called me and thats when he found out i packed and was moving back home. During one of the phone calls where he was panicking trying to get me to stay he said that the reason he did it was because i masturbated and used my rose toy. To which i feel i have to be VERY clear. I never watched porn and I only ever used it because he didnt have time in the morning before he left for work or we never had the energy to do it bc we were tired after work or because he just didnt want to sometimes. And sometimes sex to me was to much for me.
Every day since i broke things off and moved out (same day) he’s been begging for me to give him a chance to talk and get things off his chest. As well as saying EVERYTHING ive ever wanted to hear during our relationship. And i keep wanting to just tell him how much i love him and how much i want him back. But i know that if i do he wont ever respect my boundaries bc it just goes to show he’s more than welcome to walk all over me the way he has been. :/
Ive been feeling very depressed and just want to lay in bed and rot all day. But im not and i feel like im losing my mind!!
I just wish none of this had ever happened.

Hi all, I’m hoping someone can shed some light or insight to this bizarre situation. It’s a story so buckle up.
My 46 brother, let’s call him Michael, lives in Arizona with his girlfriend of over 10 years. They aren’t in a happy/loving relationship and never have been, it’s more of a dependency/comfort thing. I should also mention, about 15 years ago my brother had a cardiac arrest and was without oxygen to his brain for several minutes. It’s a miracle he is still here! For obvious reasons, he hasn’t been the same since this incident. He is able to hold a job and function as an adult, but he is very much brain damaged in many ways. His critical thinking, reasoning, and much more have been effected. That’s the cliff notes of the back story, let’s get into the “scam”.
He recently told us he’s considering putting in his two weeks notice at his job in AZ to move back in with my parents and work at his previous job here in the PNW. He said he doesn’t feel safe in the house with his gf and her 16 year old son.
And here’s what came out today, he claims two months ago when they made a trip to Vegas, he met Jenna Ortega. He says he was out wandering by himself, and they met. She took him for drinks and got his phone number. They’ve been talking daily since. He says they video chat, text and call several times a day. He claims to have pictures/videos from her and he recently made an Instagram to follow only her (she does not follow him back). This all came out because he said if my parents receive any packages to put them aside for him and not ask any questions. Obviously our family has questions. So after some prying, this is when the “relationship” with Jenna came to light. He plans to leave his current girlfriend and fly to LA to meet her “in person” before coming home. He also claimed that the package she is sending him is some sort of membership card. He says she hasn’t asked him for any money or anything like that. He says he knows “inside details of release dates of Wednesday and another one of her upcoming movies”.
So obviously we are a bit confused. Clearly this is not the real Jenna Ortega. But what’s the goal here? We are concerned because now she has personal information about him as well as our parents address. He also has no filter, so we have no idea what other sort of information about our family he may have give this person. Is this some sort of sex worker or sex trafficking scam? Has anyone heard of this with her or other celebrities?

So, I cheated on my boyfriend, yes that was my mistake, feel free to judge me personally, but this post is not about that.
TLDR; I ruined the life of a guy I was cheating with and he wanted to ruin mine
Mid of January, I (23M) met this guy (let’s call him D, 35M) on Grindr. I told him straight away that I have a boyfriend (let’s call him F, 45M), so we thought it was just going to be a one-off thing. My boyfriend was visiting his family for a month at that time, a good 12 hours flight from where we are. I lied to him that my boyfriend is okay with me meeting someone else behind his back as long as it didn’t become anything serious. Actually, my boyfriend told me that I’m free to meet anyone else so long he didn’t know, but I’m sure he didn’t mean that as he told me this in a fight.
A was everything my boyfriend wasn’t. F and I were on a rough patch, and communication always became a dead end. He was intimate, and communicative. He desired me and didn’t make me feel lonely in the relationship. Moreover, D wanted to do some sexual things that F didn’t want to do with me. The closer we were, the more intimate we became. Drunk with rose-tinted glasses, I started saying pillow talks that we’ll get married and started naming our children. D paid for almost everything as I was between jobs.
A bit of backstory. D was not originally from this country (Ireland), neither do I nor F. D was here on a study visa, and his visa is about to expire. He met someone almost 2 years ago that broke his heart, and he was in a terrible mental state since, taking medications for anxiety and depression. Last year around December, he took a healing trip around Europe and met this other guy (let’s call him G, 50+M). They met in a beautiful country in the Mediterranean (although G is from another country), so D wanted to move to that country so he could be closer to G.
Anyway, because he was with me and he thought we'd be together, he refused this job (he didn’t get the offer but got an interview for it), and applied to a university (in a course he didn’t want) just so he can renew his visa. He also urged me to break up with F, but I wasn’t sure. F eventually returned, and I said I wanted to be separated from him for a while (in my mind, I didn’t know if D would be able to stay here), and left his place the next morning to D’s place. That day, I ended things with D, because my heart feels very burdened, and I felt like I made the wrong choice. I went back to F’s place.
D then continued to bomb my phone with messages, saying he couldn’t believe this was happening. Eventually, he begged me to meet him one last time for a breakfast to talk things through, and I agreed. I met him in a quite fancy restaurant (for me at least), with flowers, a card, etc. In the end, I melted and when he asked me if we can try this one more time, and he’s willing to be “the guy I’m cheating with”, I foolishly agreed. This was mid February.
From then, he has been trying his best to win my heart, taking me on dates, etc. My mind told me that I should just go with D because 1) he’s come out, and F hasn’t, 2) he loves PDA, while F can’t, and 3) D wants to marry me, while F is already married to a woman. F has been separated from his wife for a few years now, can’t divorce her for many reasons, one of which is because he had children with her. He lives full time with me, even though when his family visited he had to hide me and our things which hurt me in the past.
Anyway, even with all that, I just can’t shake off this wrong feeling. So by the end of March, after D being all jealous the whole month, I broke it off with him. The reason I just realized now: all those feelings that I love with D, I want it from F. And ever since he returned mid February, he’s been nothing but that, so I felt content.
Since we live in the same town, I met D every once in a while accidentally, like in a bus or in a hospital. I have told all these stories to my good friend (let’s call him K, 24M) from work, who had met D but not yet F at that point. I also didn’t come clean to F.
One day, about 3 weeks ago, K told me that he wanted me to go with him and his date to a gay club (he wasn’t feeling safe, and this is after their private lunch). I said yes, because I had nothing to do that day. He then told me that D is coming as well (I forgot if K invited him first or D invited himself before me when he asked K for a gay club recommendation). I had a bad feeling, but eventually said fuck it, what’s gonna happen?
D and I met there. It was awkward, but as the drinks started to take effect, and I started to become tipsy, he asked me if we wanted to “have fun for tonight and forget the next morning”. I agreed. We did have fun dancing (no sex) that night, and he came back to my place, not with the intention to have sex at all (at least from me). Me, still tipsy, was asked by him what happened between us, and one thing led to another… Still no sex, but he came to the conclusion that I manipulated him (love bombing). He asked me if this is true. With the evidence in front of me, I said yes, even though in hindsight, that was never my intention.
From the beginning, I wished that the relationship between me and him was just a hookup, or FWB at best. When romantic feelings started to develop, I genuinely thought that I wanted to be with D. Never once did I think I wanted to play with his feelings or life. But the actions that I did, that he described, is manipulation. So that’s why I said yes.
He got really angry, and threatened me with many things. I was having a panic attack, but he ended that night saying that he forgave me and that he won’t do anything that will harm me. Later on, he texted me that he thinks I have a mental illness (which I also think I have, but I’m still waiting for the diagnosis (my next appointment with a psychiatrist)).
I had forgotten about him, until last week when F left the apartment to buy some groceries in a suspicious manner. I was working from home that day, so I was too busy to worry. I did ask him after about half an hour, and he said he’s gonna come back soon, but I again became preoccupied with work and I didn’t realize he'd been gone for 1.5 hours. I then started to worry that maybe F met with D (something that D has threatened me with as he knows where we live and where F works), so I texted K. He told me to go check, because maybe it was not related and F is in an unrelated danger. But before I left the apartment, D said he’s going to return my stuff.
By then, I knew they met, and lo and behold when I was about to go downstairs I saw them coming upstairs together.
After letting D in, he unpacked his bag and showed F stuff related to us, pictures, gifts. He then unloaded his anger, saying that I ruined his life by manipulating him, that I’m selfish, and that I didn’t regret what had happened so I’m mentally ill. F at this point was trying to calm D down, fearing our safety (bless him). Then, after D left, F and I had the talk.
Basically, F knew from about a week before that. He just focused on trying to calm D, and asked D to not let me know that he’d known because “he didn’t want to see me ashamed in front of him (F)”. D, who’s really set on ruining my life back, didn’t care. But, it was fine for a couple of days, I apologized and put in effort to fix the relationship.
Until D suddenly rang me that he’s outside and he wanted to talk. That day, I just started working, and K was coming over to work together from home for a couple of days. He came in, and told me to pay back what I owe him (around 5kUSD) because he applied to the college because of me. I said yes, and he was about to leave. I went to K (who was in another room closer to the front door avoiding all these because I told him to), and without realizing I said “what the fuck” to him. I also thought it was not loud, but maybe because the situation made the apartment quiet, me and K think D heard. Either that, or he was just really angry, he already left the front door but he barged in again before F could close the door and punched me in the face.
He punched me again a few times on my arms, chest and side belly, until F tried to stop him. I didn’t punch him back, but I did almost kick him because he didn’t let me go. He pushed me back, and F almost fell and hit his head if not for K saving him. F then told me to move away for a bit. I called the police at this point, in case he went berserk. F was recording everything from the get go (voice, legal). Honestly, up until this point, I’m still on the fence about going through with this and going to the police. I also sent about 1kUSD to D while F was trying to calm him down.
The three of us then talk again. D told me that he was looking for me around the city today, and that I was lucky he didn’t see me because he “didn’t know what he’d be doing to me if he saw me, either to punch me and humiliate me in front of many people, or to throw me under the bus”. Now, I was (am) genuinely scared. He also told us that he has been having more severe mental issues, couldn’t eat or sleep, shaking, almost fainted at work. He had to take a higher dose of his medications for anxiety and depression. He left, I was having a quick chat with F that I called the police and he told me not to press charges in case this makes D goes ballistic, and queue the police come (just about 15 seconds after D left the apartment). I believe the police saw his back.
Eventually I didn’t press charges, the police took note of what was happening and a quick background story, and they told me to block him. I’ve blocked him and told my friends to not block him but hide their social media posts from him.
F is in a bad situation now. In the morning after and every morning after that, he was his normal self, caring and all, but after he comes home from work he’s been quiet and stressed. I believe this is partially him trying to process everything and him worrying that D will make another issue, specifically with him at work, and that he’ll be found out that he’s gay. F asked me to run away to a different city just to avoid D if anything were to happen again, but when I asked if he still wanted to try and make this work he said yes.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do.

So, I cheated on my boyfriend, yes that was my mistake, feel free to judge me personally, but this post is not about that.
TLDR; I ruined the life of a guy I was cheating with and he wanted to ruin mine
Mid of January, I (23M) met this guy (let’s call him D, 35M) on Grindr. I told him straight away that I have a boyfriend (let’s call him F, 45M), so we thought it was just going to be a one-off thing. My boyfriend was visiting his family for a month at that time, a good 12 hours flight from where we are. I lied to him that my boyfriend is okay with me meeting someone else behind his back as long as it didn’t become anything serious. Actually, my boyfriend told me that I’m free to meet anyone else so long he didn’t know, but I’m sure he didn’t mean that as he told me this in a fight.
A was everything my boyfriend wasn’t. F and I were on a rough patch, and communication always became a dead end. He was intimate, and communicative. He desired me and didn’t make me feel lonely in the relationship. Moreover, D wanted to do some sexual things that F didn’t want to do with me. The closer we were, the more intimate we became. Drunk with rose-tinted glasses, I started saying pillow talks that we’ll get married and started naming our children. D paid for almost everything as I was between jobs.
A bit of backstory. D was not originally from this country, neither do I nor F. D was here on a study visa, and his visa is about to expire. He met someone almost 2 years ago that broke his heart, and he was in a terrible mental state since, taking medications for anxiety and depression. Last year around December, he took a healing trip around Europe and met this other guy (let’s call him G, 50+M). They met in a beautiful country in the Mediterranean (although G is from another country), so D wanted to move to that country so he could be closer to G.
Anyway, because he was with me and he thought we'd be together, he refused this job (he didn’t get the offer but got an interview for it), and applied to a university (in a course he didn’t want) just so he can renew his visa. He also urged me to break up with F, but I wasn’t sure. F eventually returned, and I said I wanted to be separated from him for a while (in my mind, I didn’t know if D would be able to stay here), and left his place the next morning to D’s place. That day, I ended things with D, because my heart feels very burdened, and I felt like I made the wrong choice. I went back to F’s place.
D then continued to bomb my phone with messages, saying he couldn’t believe this was happening. Eventually, he begged me to meet him one last time for a breakfast to talk things through, and I agreed. I met him in a quite fancy restaurant (for me at least), with flowers, a card, etc. In the end, I melted and when he asked me if we can try this one more time, and he’s willing to be “the guy I’m cheating with”, I foolishly agreed. This was mid February.
From then, he has been trying his best to win my heart, taking me on dates, etc. My mind told me that I should just go with D because 1) he’s come out, and F hasn’t, 2) he loves PDA, while F can’t, and 3) D wants to marry me, while F is already married to a woman. F has been separated from his wife for a few years now, can’t divorce her for many reasons, one of which is because he had children with her. He lives full time with me, even though when his family visited he had to hide me and our things which hurt me in the past.
Anyway, even with all that, I just can’t shake off this wrong feeling. So by the end of March, after D being all jealous the whole month, I broke it off with him. The reason I just realized now: all those feelings that I love with D, I want it from F. And ever since he returned mid February, he’s been nothing but that, so I felt content.
Since we live in the same town, I met D every once in a while accidentally, like in a bus or in a hospital. I have told all these stories to my good friend (let’s call him K, 24M) from work, who had met D but not yet F at that point. I also didn’t come clean to F.
One day, about 3 weeks ago, K told me that he wanted me to go with him and his date to a gay club (he wasn’t feeling safe, and this is after their private lunch). I said yes, because I had nothing to do that day. He then told me that D is coming as well (I forgot if K invited him first or D invited himself before me when he asked K for a gay club recommendation). I had a bad feeling, but eventually said fuck it, what’s gonna happen?
D and I met there. It was awkward, but as the drinks started to take effect, and I started to become tipsy, he asked me if we wanted to “have fun for tonight and forget the next morning”. I agreed. We did have fun dancing (no sex) that night, and he came back to my place, not with the intention to have sex at all (at least from me). Me, still tipsy, was asked by him what happened between us, and one thing led to another… Still no sex, but he came to the conclusion that I manipulated him (love bombing). He asked me if this is true. With the evidence in front of me, I said yes, even though in hindsight, that was never my intention.
From the beginning, I wished that the relationship between me and him was just a hookup, or FWB at best. When romantic feelings started to develop, I genuinely thought that I wanted to be with D. Never once did I think I wanted to play with his feelings or life. But the actions that I did, that he described, is manipulation. So that’s why I said yes.
He got really angry, and threatened me with many things. I was having a panic attack, but he ended that night saying that he forgave me and that he won’t do anything that will harm me. Later on, he texted me that he thinks I have a mental illness (which I also think I have, but I’m still waiting for the diagnosis (my next appointment with a psychiatrist)).
I had forgotten about him, until last week when F left the apartment to buy some groceries in a suspicious manner. I was working from home that day, so I was too busy to worry. I did ask him after about half an hour, and he said he’s gonna come back soon, but I again became preoccupied with work and I didn’t realize he'd been gone for 1.5 hours. I then started to worry that maybe F met with D (something that D has threatened me with as he knows where we live and where F works), so I texted K. He told me to go check, because maybe it was not related and F is in an unrelated danger. But before I left the apartment, D said he’s going to return my stuff.
By then, I knew they met, and lo and behold when I was about to go downstairs I saw them coming upstairs together.
After letting D in, he unpacked his bag and showed F stuff related to us, pictures, gifts. He then unloaded his anger, saying that I ruined his life by manipulating him, that I’m selfish, and that I didn’t regret what had happened so I’m mentally ill. F at this point was trying to calm D down, fearing our safety (bless him). Then, after D left, F and I had the talk.
Basically, F knew from about a week before that. He just focused on trying to calm D, and asked D to not let me know that he’d known because “he didn’t want to see me ashamed in front of him (F)”. D, who’s really set on ruining my life back, didn’t care. But, it was fine for a couple of days, I apologized and put in effort to fix the relationship.
Until D suddenly rang me that he’s outside and he wanted to talk. That day, I just started working, and K was coming over to work together from home for a couple of days. He came in, and told me to pay back what I owe him (around 5kUSD) because he applied to the college because of me. I said yes, and he was about to leave. I went to K (who was in another room closer to the front door avoiding all these because I told him to), and without realizing I said “what the fuck” to him. I also thought it was not loud, but maybe because the situation made the apartment quiet, me and K think D heard. Either that, or he was just really angry, he already left the front door but he barged in again before F could close the door and punched me in the face.
He punched me again a few times on my arms, chest and side belly, until F tried to stop him. I didn’t punch him back, but I did almost kick him because he didn’t let me go. He pushed me back, and F almost fell and hit his head if not for K saving him. F then told me to move away for a bit. I called the police at this point, in case he went berserk. F was recording everything from the get go (voice, legal). Honestly, up until this point, I’m still on the fence about going through with this and going to the police. I also sent about 1kUSD to D while F was trying to calm him down.
The three of us then talk again. D told me that he was looking for me around the city today, and that I was lucky he didn’t see me because he “didn’t know what he’d be doing to me if he saw me, either to punch me and humiliate me in front of many people, or to throw me under the bus”. Now, I was (am) genuinely scared. He also told us that he has been having more severe mental issues, couldn’t eat or sleep, shaking, almost fainted at work. He had to take a higher dose of his medications for anxiety and depression. He left, I was having a quick chat with F that I called the police and he told me not to press charges in case this makes D goes ballistic, and queue the police come (just about 15 seconds after D left the apartment). I believe the police saw his back.
Eventually I didn’t press charges, the police took note of what was happening and a quick background story, and they told me to block him. I’ve blocked him and told my friends to not block him but hide their social media posts from him.
F is in a bad situation now. In the morning after and every morning after that, he was his normal self, caring and all, but after he comes home from work he’s been quiet and stressed. I believe this is partially him trying to process everything and him worrying that D will make another issue, specifically with him at work, and that he’ll be found out that he’s gay. F asked me to run away to a different city just to avoid D if anything were to happen again, but when I asked if he still wanted to try and make this work he said yes.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do.

So, I cheated on my boyfriend, yes that was my mistake, feel free to judge me personally, but this post is not about that.
TLDR; I ruined the life of a guy I was cheating with and he wanted to ruin mine
Mid of January, I (23M) met this guy (let’s call him D, 35M) on Grindr. I told him straight away that I have a boyfriend (let’s call him F, 45M), so we thought it was just going to be a one-off thing. My boyfriend was visiting his family for a month at that time, a good 12 hours flight from where we are. I lied to him that my boyfriend is okay with me meeting someone else behind his back as long as it didn’t become anything serious. Actually, my boyfriend told me that I’m free to meet anyone else so long he didn’t know, but I’m sure he didn’t mean that as he told me this in a fight.
A was everything my boyfriend wasn’t. F and I were on a rough patch, and communication always became a dead end. He was intimate, and communicative. He desired me and didn’t make me feel lonely in the relationship. Moreover, D wanted to do some sexual things that F didn’t want to do with me. The closer we were, the more intimate we became. Drunk with rose-tinted glasses, I started saying pillow talks that we’ll get married and started naming our children. D paid for almost everything as I was between jobs.
A bit of backstory. D was not originally from this country, neither do I nor F. D was here on a study visa, and his visa is about to expire. He met someone almost 2 years ago that broke his heart, and he was in a terrible mental state since, taking medications for anxiety and depression. Last year around December, he took a healing trip around Europe and met this other guy (let’s call him G, 50+M). They met in a beautiful country in the Mediterranean (although G is from another country), so D wanted to move to that country so he could be closer to G.
Anyway, because he was with me and he thought we'd be together, he refused this job (he didn’t get the offer but got an interview for it), and applied to a university (in a course he didn’t want) just so he can renew his visa. He also urged me to break up with F, but I wasn’t sure. F eventually returned, and I said I wanted to be separated from him for a while (in my mind, I didn’t know if D would be able to stay here), and left his place the next morning to D’s place. That day, I ended things with D, because my heart feels very burdened, and I felt like I made the wrong choice. I went back to F’s place.
D then continued to bomb my phone with messages, saying he couldn’t believe this was happening. Eventually, he begged me to meet him one last time for a breakfast to talk things through, and I agreed. I met him in a quite fancy restaurant (for me at least), with flowers, a card, etc. In the end, I melted and when he asked me if we can try this one more time, and he’s willing to be “the guy I’m cheating with”, I foolishly agreed. This was mid February.
From then, he has been trying his best to win my heart, taking me on dates, etc. My mind told me that I should just go with D because 1) he’s come out, and F hasn’t, 2) he loves PDA, while F can’t, and 3) D wants to marry me, while F is already married to a woman. F has been separated from his wife for a few years now, can’t divorce her for many reasons, one of which is because he had children with her. He lives full time with me, even though when his family visited he had to hide me and our things which hurt me in the past.
Anyway, even with all that, I just can’t shake off this wrong feeling. So by the end of March, after D being all jealous the whole month, I broke it off with him. The reason I just realized now: all those feelings that I love with D, I want it from F. And ever since he returned mid February, he’s been nothing but that, so I felt content.
Since we live in the same town, I met D every once in a while accidentally, like in a bus or in a hospital. I have told all these stories to my good friend (let’s call him K, 24M) from work, who had met D but not yet F at that point. I also didn’t come clean to F.
One day, about 3 weeks ago, K told me that he wanted me to go with him and his date to a gay club (he wasn’t feeling safe, and this is after their private lunch). I said yes, because I had nothing to do that day. He then told me that D is coming as well (I forgot if K invited him first or D invited himself before me when he asked K for a gay club recommendation). I had a bad feeling, but eventually said fuck it, what’s gonna happen?
D and I met there. It was awkward, but as the drinks started to take effect, and I started to become tipsy, he asked me if we wanted to “have fun for tonight and forget the next morning”. I agreed. We did have fun dancing (no sex) that night, and he came back to my place, not with the intention to have sex at all (at least from me). Me, still tipsy, was asked by him what happened between us, and one thing led to another… Still no sex, but he came to the conclusion that I manipulated him (love bombing). He asked me if this is true. With the evidence in front of me, I said yes, even though in hindsight, that was never my intention.
From the beginning, I wished that the relationship between me and him was just a hookup, or FWB at best. When romantic feelings started to develop, I genuinely thought that I wanted to be with D. Never once did I think I wanted to play with his feelings or life. But the actions that I did, that he described, is manipulation. So that’s why I said yes.
He got really angry, and threatened me with many things. I was having a panic attack, but he ended that night saying that he forgave me and that he won’t do anything that will harm me. Later on, he texted me that he thinks I have a mental illness (which I also think I have, but I’m still waiting for the diagnosis (my next appointment with a psychiatrist)).
I had forgotten about him, until last week when F left the apartment to buy some groceries in a suspicious manner. I was working from home that day, so I was too busy to worry. I did ask him after about half an hour, and he said he’s gonna come back soon, but I again became preoccupied with work and I didn’t realize he'd been gone for 1.5 hours. I then started to worry that maybe F met with D (something that D has threatened me with as he knows where we live and where F works), so I texted K. He told me to go check, because maybe it was not related and F is in an unrelated danger. But before I left the apartment, D said he’s going to return my stuff.
By then, I knew they met, and lo and behold when I was about to go downstairs I saw them coming upstairs together.
After letting D in, he unpacked his bag and showed F stuff related to us, pictures, gifts. He then unloaded his anger, saying that I ruined his life by manipulating him, that I’m selfish, and that I didn’t regret what had happened so I’m mentally ill. F at this point was trying to calm D down, fearing our safety (bless him). Then, after D left, F and I had the talk.
Basically, F knew from about a week before that. He just focused on trying to calm D, and asked D to not let me know that he’d known because “he didn’t want to see me ashamed in front of him (F)”. D, who’s really set on ruining my life back, didn’t care. But, it was fine for a couple of days, I apologized and put in effort to fix the relationship.
Until D suddenly rang me that he’s outside and he wanted to talk. That day, I just started working, and K was coming over to work together from home for a couple of days. He came in, and told me to pay back what I owe him (around 5kUSD) because he applied to the college because of me. I said yes, and he was about to leave. I went to K (who was in another room closer to the front door avoiding all these because I told him to), and without realizing I said “what the fuck” to him. I also thought it was not loud, but maybe because the situation made the apartment quiet, me and K think D heard. Either that, or he was just really angry, he already left the front door but he barged in again before F could close the door and punched me in the face.
He punched me again a few times on my arms, chest and side belly, until F tried to stop him. I didn’t punch him back, but I did almost kick him because he didn’t let me go. He pushed me back, and F almost fell and hit his head if not for K saving him. F then told me to move away for a bit. I called the police at this point, in case he went berserk. F was recording everything from the get go (voice, legal). Honestly, up until this point, I’m still on the fence about going through with this and going to the police. I also sent about 1kUSD to D while F was trying to calm him down.
The three of us then talk again. D told me that he was looking for me around the city today, and that I was lucky he didn’t see me because he “didn’t know what he’d be doing to me if he saw me, either to punch me and humiliate me in front of many people, or to throw me under the bus”. Now, I was (am) genuinely scared. He also told us that he has been having more severe mental issues, couldn’t eat or sleep, shaking, almost fainted at work. He had to take a higher dose of his medications for anxiety and depression. He left, I was having a quick chat with F that I called the police and he told me not to press charges in case this makes D goes ballistic, and queue the police come (just about 15 seconds after D left the apartment). I believe the police saw his back.
Eventually I didn’t press charges, the police took note of what was happening and a quick background story, and they told me to block him. I’ve blocked him and told my friends to not block him but hide their social media posts from him.
F is in a bad situation now. In the morning after and every morning after that, he was his normal self, caring and all, but after he comes home from work he’s been quiet and stressed. I believe this is partially him trying to process everything and him worrying that D will make another issue, specifically with him at work, and that he’ll be found out that he’s gay. F asked me to run away to a different city just to avoid D if anything were to happen again, but when I asked if he still wanted to try and make this work he said yes.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do.

My hands are shaking as I write this, I have to document my story incase something happens to me in the next few days. I'm not sure where to begin but I suppose here is better than anywhere.
I've always had this weird feeling, this sensation inside of me that I was older than I actually was. By the time I was twelve, my soul felt as though it was forty. By the time I reached twenty, I felt like an old woman. I would watch people around my age acting foolish, and I always thought, "What a bunch of children." So it was no surprise to anyone that when I turned twenty-one, I left my hometown and college and decided to spend the summer alone by renting an old farmhouse in an insignificant town on the edge of an even more insignificant border.
When I told my mother, she had a veritable fit, unable to find the words. She spluttered and raged around me for days before I finally left early one morning to avoid her guilt and frustration with my choices. I was not sure why I craved solitude at such a young age, why I found solace in being alone and removed from society.
In high school, I had changed unexpectedly, cutting my long blonde hair short and dying it black, getting piercings that my mother loathed and claimed no young lady should have. You see, my mother was raised proper, as she called it. Good family, good husband, and finally a good life. She despised her perfect life being squashed by my alternative looks and feelings of the same world. She just didn't understand me or the world as it changed around her. I felt like I was just a trophy to her and my father, her perfect angel who had been tainted by my own demented thoughts.
I never told my parents where I was staying, one last rebellious mission before leaving for a few months, and it took me only a few hours to arrive at the farmhouse where I would be staying for the next few months. The land around the farm was dead or dying, old crops rose out of the dry dusty earth and had turned black and forgotten, as if this land was the example of dreams long forgotten and empty. A single dreary lane connected this desolate farmhouse to the rest of the world. On the outside, it was drab and looked as though it would fall apart. It had two stories but still seemed cramped and small, as if it were a single floor tied to the ground.
Across from the house, bordering the tall weeds that had reclaimed much of the farmland, stood a maudlin-looking faded red barn, one door propped open in a dejected manner revealing naught to me but shadows, dust, and a little mystery.
Next to the barn, staked into the ground on an old-looking cross, was a ragged scarecrow. It had drab brown clothing, but its face was oddly realistic, like it was watching me with a disapproving manner. Straw poked through its joints at odd angles like they were trying to break free from their confines. The scarecrow obviously didn't do its job as it was covered in no less than three crows.
I parked my car next to the barn and stepped out into the dusty yard before the farmhouse that I would make my home for the next few months. I checked under the front mat for the key and put it in the lock.
With a satisfying click, the door fell inward into the farmhouse. Surprisingly, the inside of the farmhouse was modern, clean, and looked quite inviting. I could smell the fresh paint on the walls, and everything was so white. The realtor had told me she would stop by tomorrow to collect the rent, and she had tried to chat my ear off on the phone about all the renovations she and her son were doing on the place.
I sighed with contentment and tossed my bags beside the door. I dug around in my bag and removed my camera, my father's old film shooter as he called it. I had taken up the hobby years ago for what I called capturing the oddity in the world.
I explored the small house a little more; the ground floor consisted of a single room and small bathroom with a shower. The bedroom was upstairs and was the only room, the stairs connected directly to the white and pink monstrosity that was the master bedroom. The pillows had laces on them and almost made me gag from the cuteness. There was even cute white lace curtains on the window with little flowers stitched onto them.
Out of the only window of the room, I could see the barn and the scarecrow. I aimed my camera at the pair and snapped a photo. From this angle, the scarecrow appeared to be staring straight at me. It stood next to the left side of the barn in a dejected manner like a chastised child.
A shudder involuntarily ran through me at the sight, but I moved on back downstairs. It was getting close to dinner time now, and I had brought some food with me.
After a few minutes, I had my dinner on the stove cooking and the crickets chirping outside the open window. As I sat down to eat next to the window, I felt at peace for one of the first times in years. The solitude of this old farm was exactly what I needed. The window supplied a nice breeze that wafted through the place, it smelled of grass and warm summer nights, made me feel at peace. The simple dish of spaghetti with tomato sauce and a glass of wine was all that I needed right here, right now in this moment.
That night I climbed into the frilly laced bed and sunk into the claustrophobic mattress. I felt like Goldilocks in the mama bear's bed as it was altogether too soft. From my perfumed bed, I had a good view out the window. I had left the porch light on, and it cast an eerie glow across the yard. The barn loomed ominously, stalwart against the light of the porch, like it was protecting the shadows from the battering ram of light. The somber scarecrow leaned against the left side of the barn.
With a small jump, I thought I saw its arm move slightly. I peered through my camera using the zoom to get a better view of the scarecrow. It was completely still in the night, and I laughed quietly to myself at my silliness. I had always enjoyed horror movies, but there was no chance I was living in one. I settled back into bed and put my camera down. Within a few minutes, I fell into sleep's warm embrace.
What felt like only a few minutes later, I sat up in bed. It was still dark out, I could hear crickets chirping through the open window, and I strained my ears for a moment.
I thought something had woken me up. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine as a cold breeze wafted in through the window. I pulled the frilly blanket up around myself when I heard it. A thud sounded below me, shaking the whole world into silence. The crickets stopped chirping, and my heart felt like it had stopped beating. Someone was in the house. I hadn't locked the door or closed the kitchen window, and now someone was downstairs. A second thud sounded like a boot on the staircase. Then another and another as something was slowly moving up the stairs towards the room.
I don't know why I did it, but something came over me. I wasn't big or especially brave, but my normal cowardice in social situations changed instantly. With a dash, I tore across the room, flicking on the lights, ready to face my attacker, to defend myself against male or female. I would fight, and I would win.
But as the lights turned on, ready to strike with my foot, nothing was there. The staircase was empty, and upon further inspection, the entire house was empty. The kitchen window was open, and I shut and locked it securely before checking the door. Nothing. I sat down on the couch, my heart pounding out of my chest, as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.
"I must have still been half-asleep," I said aloud to the room in a thinly veiled attempt to calm my nerves. It failed horribly, but I went with it. What else could you do in a situation like that?
After locking up the house, I went back up to that frilly four-poster bed in the bedroom and stared out the window. Nothing was in the yard except my car, the barn, and the same old sad-looking scarecrow staring across the yard.
Day 2
The next morning, I woke up to the soft light filtering through the lace curtains. Despite the strange events of the previous night, I felt strangely refreshed, as if the morning sun had chased away the shadows that lingered in my mind.
I descended the stairs, the wooden steps creaking softly under my weight, and headed to the kitchen. As I brewed a pot of coffee, my mind wandered back to the events of last night. Was it just a figment of my imagination, or was there really someone in the house?
Shaking off the unease, I decided to explore the farmhouse in the daylight. I wandered through the room, admiring the modern renovations that clashed with the rustic exterior. The farmhouse had a charm to it, despite its eerie surroundings.
As I made my way outside, the cool morning air greeted me, and I took a deep breath, letting the serenity of the countryside wash over me. The barn stood tall against the backdrop of the morning sky, and the scarecrow seemed to watch me as I crossed the yard.
I approached the barn, curiosity getting the better of me. Pushing open the creaky door, I stepped inside, the musty scent of hay filling my nostrils. The interior was dimly lit, the sunlight filtering through the cracks in the wooden walls.
I explored every nook and cranny of the barn, but found nothing out of the ordinary. As I turned to leave, something caught my eye. In the corner of the barn, hidden beneath a pile of old blankets, was a small wooden chest.
My heart racing with anticipation, I lifted the lid of the trunk and peered inside. What I found took my breath away. It was a collection of old photographs, yellowed with age, depicting scenes from a bygone era. They were of a man with his family, two young kids, and a beautiful young wife. The man had yellow blonde hair, almost like straw in texture, but he smiled so happily with his family.
I sifted through the photographs, my fingers trembling with excitement. Who had left these behind, and why? Each photograph seemed to tell a story, a glimpse into the past of this forgotten farmhouse.
As I sat there, lost in thought, a sudden noise jolted me back to reality. It was the sound of footsteps coming from outside the barn.
"Hello?" The dreamy voice of a woman called to me from the entrance to the barn.
I slammed the lid of the trunk shut, closing the memories up in a flurry as I spun around to be greeted by a quite pretty woman with blonde hair and a pink suit skirt combo. She had bright pink lipstick, that seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face, and quite shiny and sparkly blue eye shadow on her lids. I myself only wore black eyeliner. This woman was like Barbie in her proportions, thin waist, long hair, and large tracts of land, as my father would have said.
"Oh, hello," I said simply, always awkward in normal social situations.
If she noticed anything odd about me, she breezed over it in an easy manner. Taking me by the shoulders, she led me out of the dusty barn and into the yard.
"You must be Polly. We have been waiting a while for you to come. I simply must know what you think of the renovations to the house. Aren’t they just to die for?" The lady said all in one breath, as if she didn’t need air to speak.
"Yes, they are quite nice..." I started before she cut me off, not in a rude manner but instead in one that she would have continued on even if I had just told her I was not Polly and instead I was a mass murderer looming for my next victim.
"You see, me and my son Eli—yes, Eli, you stop lurking in the shadows over there," she said, continuing on as I noticed a younger man leaning up against the barn. He wore simple clothes of jeans and a white t-shirt but had a handsome face. His hair was brown and hung slightly over his eyes.
"I hope you don’t mind if my son here continues working on some renovations while you stay here? Strictly on the outside of the house, mind you. A fresh coat of white paint would make this little beauty shine. We would have finished by now if not for the accidents," she continued, completely unabashed by my silence.
"Sorry. But you are the realtor?" I said, trying to regain my feet under me.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry, dear!" she said with an affable cackle.
"Yes, yes, I am Barbara, but all my friends call me Barb. That over there is Eli. Eli, come say hi," Barb said while her painted talons rested firmly on my shoulder.
Eli stomped over, keeping his eyes low, in a sort of moody way that actually intrigued me, sort of.
When he glanced up at me, I noticed he drank in me from head to toe, and for the first time, I realized what I was wearing. An old rock t-shirt of one of my favorite bands and, of all things, my black pajama bottoms with cartoon bats on them that said "happy halloween."
I felt my face blush crimson as he made eye contact with me. He had very mysterious eyes of blue that seemed to cut right through my soul.
"Nice shirt," he said while gesturing to me. His voice was quiet and uncertain, as if he didn’t get much practice with the art. Knowing his mother, it seemed highly accurate.
"Thanks. Do you like them?" I asked.
"Oh, he likes all sorts of things, don’t you, Eli? Honestly, you two can gab on forever. But miss, I believe we have a small matter of payment," Barb said, drawing the conversation back to herself.
"Of course. Let me go get it," I said as I went back into the house and retrieved the envelope with the rent money in it.
Barb grabbed the envelope in her bright pink talons and snapped a piece of bubblegum between her teeth. With quick fingers, she leafed through the cash, counting it. As she counted, her normal bubbly personality seemed to disappear, giving way to what I gleaned was her true thoughts and feelings before the facade slipped on once again.
"Mmkay, perfect honey, this is the right amount. Now you have my number, so you call if you need anything. Like I said earlier, Eli will stop by from time to time to work on painting the house. I promise you he won’t be an imposition, just pay him no mind," Barb said in a sweet voice as she popped her gum in between each word.
"Eli, come on, please, I have an appointment in town," Barb said to her son, and they both climbed into a garish pink convertible with jewels hanging from the mirror wrapped in a gold chain.
Barb waved one last time as she sped off out of the driveway, covering me in dust as she spun the wheel around.
With their departure, I went inside and retrieved my camera. I spent a few minutes shooting a few pictures I thought were worthy. I re-entered the barn and pulled the old trunk out into the sunshine. Inside was only a handful of photos, some old clothes, and what looked like some old heirlooms. A beautifully old candlestick and a few leather-bound books lay at the bottom, covered by an old tablecloth. The tablecloth was a nice white with intricate swirling patterns inlaid around the edges.
Why would these things be packed away in here? They were so beautiful. I decided to bring the stuff inside for further inspection. As I lifted the trunk, out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something move in the tall grass at the edge of the property. I stared for a minute, but nothing moved again. I must be getting jumpy being alone like this. After last night and then this, I was just imagining things.
I brought the items inside and spread them out. I put the tablecloth on the table, and it hung low to the ground. I placed the candlestick by the window and took out the photos again, spreading them out.
The photos told me a story of a loving family that obviously lived in the farmhouse before me. They had a photo next to the barn, with a brand new looking scarecrow in the back. The man even had his arm around it; it looked so much cleaner and proper in this photo. I stared outside at the sad-looking scarecrow.
I took my camera and the photo and went outside to stand next to the scarecrow. His post hung kind of crooked in the earth like it was weighed down by the scarecrow.
I snapped a photo of the scarecrow as it was, then examined the original photo. I began resettling the post in the ground, but it kept sagging. I decided to pull him out of the ground and move him while I added more dirt to his hole. With some effort, I reseated him into his original hole. He already looked better, but I straightened his clothes and pulled out the last bits of straw that stuck out of his clothes. When I was finished, I looked back at him and took a photo, smiling while I did so at my work.
I then spent some time sweeping the front porch and banging the dust out of the cushions before I curled up on a wicker chair with plump cushions for a few hours reading a book I had brought with me.
I felt quite content at this place. The sounds of the crickets began again, putting me at ease as the sun began to descend. I had spent the entire day just relaxing, and it was perfect. I sat sprawled out in the chair, too lazy to go and make dinner or even move. My bladder was full, but I waited until the last moment before dashing inside and relieving myself.
That's when I noticed it, out in the yard. It seemed as if the scarecrow had moved closer. Once shrouded by the barn slightly, it now had moved a few steps into the light from the porch. My heart dropped at the sight. Not again, I must be asleep on the porch in the chair. I pinched myself, trying to wake up, but all I received was a sore arm.
I closed my eyes, then rubbed them, hoping to dispel whatever plagued my mind, but when I opened my eyes, I noticed the scarecrow was even closer. Halfway across the yard now, it sat menacingly, hanging crooked in the dirt. The scarecrow seemed to be staring at me with an intense gaze. The slits in its face were open now, and in the porch light, I swear I could see human eyes underneath the mask.
I moved towards the front door, locking it in a swift motion. I was shaking now, and it took me a minute to relax. I never took my eyes off the scarecrow for fear of it moving again.
My cellphone was upstairs, so I couldn't flee without the scarecrow moving again. I breathed out slightly and unlocked the door, letting it swing in with a creak. The night outside was silent, as if everything was holding its breath. The usual crickets that plagued me with their song day and night had fallen quiet. I stepped out onto the porch; I needed to go confront this demonic entity. Something about this still made me think this was a prank.
"Eli, is that you?" I called out to the scarecrow.
No response, of course. I steeled myself and put one foot off the porch, never taking my eyes off the scarecrow before me. Something seemed to be dripping from its head as I approached, a dark slime that seemed to be melting from its joints as it stood there silently, except for the constant drip of the liquid on the dry dirt before me.
I walked around the scarecrow, determined to figure out what was going on. As I circled it, my vision darkened for a moment as I faced towards the light of the house. I jumped as the scarecrow's head turned to face me as I looked away. The black liquid drained faster from the being, forming a shallow pool at its feet.
I'm not proud of what I did next, but I fled, taking my eyes off the scarecrow. I made a mad dash for the farmhouse. Behind me, I could hear the pounding of feet. I screamed as loud as my lungs would let me. My voice rang through the silence as I grabbed the door handle and wrenched open the door as I felt a strong grip fall on my shoulder.
I turned to defend myself, but nothing was there. The scarecrow was gone, the wooden cross had vanished, as had the pool of dark liquid in the dirt. The world sprung back to life; the crickets began chirping loudly, and my heart restarted. I slammed the door, and the air from my force scattered the photographs on the table. I ran upstairs, leaving the lights on in the house, and dove onto the bed, wrapping myself in the frilly blanket like a set of frilly armor.
I snatched my camera from the bedside table and held it close, determined to document the rest of the night. I held it in shaking hands as the noise downstairs began—the sound of boots crossing the floor to the stairs and the careful but heavy steps of ascension as they climbed closer and closer to me.
This time, I didn't lunge forward as the light was already on. I glanced out the window, but the scarecrow was still gone. I focused my camera on the stairs and waited as the steps came closer and closer. A shape began to form as the head of whatever was coming up the stairs crested the floor. Then a plain brown mask with slits where the eyes would be. It froze for a moment, then slowly turned its head towards me. Inside the slits were human eyes that seemed to be leaking dark red blood.
In the light, I could see it now. I snapped a photo of the beast, the flash setting off a reaction in the beast. The scarecrow moved so fast up the stairs it was a blur. My scream echoed throughout the house as it lunged at me. Filthy hands pinned me down, and the deep crimson liquid began pouring out of every joint of the scarecrow. It began covering my face, my eyes, and getting into my open mouth. I spluttered and kicked at the beast, but my blows had no purchase, as if the scarecrow on top of me had no substance to itself.
I coughed and spluttered on the liquid as it began to fill my mouth faster and faster. I tried not to swallow any, but it tried to find purchase as I was held down.
"Polly?" A nervous voice called from below.
Suddenly, as if the angels had called, the pressure dissipated, and I crashed to the floor in a heap, trying to spit the blood out, but nothing came—it was gone. Footsteps pounded up the stairs again, and I flew back in fear, closing my eyes.
"Oh my god. Polly, are you okay?" A voice said, and gentle hands grabbed my arm.
My eyes shot open at the human touch, and I grabbed Eli into a tight hug, where I promptly began sobbing in fear, my whole body shaking as Eli awkwardly hugged me.
"Don't worry, it's going to be okay," Eli said patiently to me as he hugged me back gently and began stroking my back.
I shivered in a choking sob and fell into his arms, desperately wanting to believe him, and for some reason, I did.

I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. 🤔
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!

M (21m) and I (24f) have been dating for 7 months. He’s the first guy I’ve ever had real, true feelings for that have lasted. This is what I would consider to be the only serious relationship I’ve ever had.
Things were great from the outset; lots of loving words and actions, quality time spent together, non sexual and sexual physical affection, frequent communication. We met each other one night through mutual friends and hit it off instantly, and then never stopped seeing each other after that. One month into knowing each other we made things official, and now it’s been just over 7 months of us being together.
Prior to a couple months ago, our relationship was near perfect from my perspective, with only a few issues. M and his friends are all weekly drinkers on the weekend, and there have been a handful of occasions where he would be out drinking heavily and then say or do something that made me concerned, then just drop contact with me. On one occasion he went to some strangers house party that he met downtown at 4am after all of his other friends left and went home. He ended up getting stuck in the city (where neither of us live) with a dead phone and I was up all night trying to get ahold of him and ensure his safety. This did cause some contention each time but I am admittedly very people-pleasey and downplayed to him how upset and frustrated I was with him in each of these situations. He was very genuinely apologetic each time and there haven’t been many similar instances since. I want to be clear as well that I have zero concern that these involved cheating or that he has ever cheated. Our relationship has otherwise been near perfect.
Fast forward to now and the last few months. M works in the trades field for a shitty but well paying company that overstaffs their job sites to get them more tax dollars. As a result, many people that work there end up having nothing to do and are essentially told to make themselves look busy. He has been fortunate for most of his time there, in that he’s been on job sites where there is actually work to do. A few months ago though, he was moved to a different department, and has spent nearly every shift with almost nothing to do but stare at his phone and try not to be caught. This might sound like someone’s dream but it’s not his, nor would it be mine. It’s caused him to feel aimless and unfulfilled, which has led to him becoming depressed.
He is someone that has never dealt with depression or any mental illness before, and has understandably been struggling. I on the other hand have, and have worked in the mental health field my entire career, so I have been doing absolutely everything I can to be the most supportive girlfriend to him. Around the time he felt himself becoming depressed, he started to become distant; not answering my texts for much longer periods of time, not seeming present when we were together, and being much less affectionate as a whole, both verbally and physically.
The one thing that didn’t change though was his desire for sex. We’ve always had good sex and have compatible sex drives. Prior to a few months ago, I wanted to jump his bones all the time because I felt wanted by him. And by that I don’t mean physically desired, i mean that I felt seen by him and appreciated as a person. With the changes in his personality that coincided with when he started to feel depressed, I haven’t felt this way. There were many instances in the last few months where he would hardly be romantic or affectionate in any capacity UNTIL we were in a situation where sex was an option. Then he would start kissing me and touching me, and it was plainly obvious that it was because he wanted to have sex. I would often go along with it, even if I wasn’t in the mood, in an effort to feel close to him. Unsurprisingly it instead began to make me feel empty, used and disconnected from him.
I initially gently communicated this to him a little over a month ago, he apologized and changed his behaviour for a week or so, and then it went back to just as it was. I held it in until I couldn’t anymore, and then a couple weeks ago, I told him more assertively how I was feeling and how I felt him to be behaving. He apologized sincerely, voiced that he didn’t even realize what he was doing, and then really opened up to me about how what he’s experiencing right now has been affecting every facet of his life, and how he hates the impact it has had on him and me. Since then, he has been making a real, very clear effort to be more communicative, more loving in his words, and more affectionate non sexually.
My issue now is one that is frustrating me. I can’t help but still feel the way I felt a couple of weeks ago, where I felt disregarded by him and used. I feel distant from him, and the ways he’s behaving now feels fake and forced to me. When he kisses me while we’re cooking or something, it feels like he’s only doing it because of what I brought up, not because it’s coming from a place of real desire to. When he texts me that he loves me, I again, feel that it’s driven by the conversation I had from him. I know he still feels depressed and is trying to make an effort to be a better boyfriend, but I can’t help but still feel put off by his behaviour from over the last couple of months, and unconvinced that his new behaviour is coming from a place of truly wanting to be affectionate.
TLDR: boyfriend of 7 months became distant a couple months ago, around the time he started feeling depressed from his job. Relationship prior to this was great. With this depressed state he stopped ever really being affectionate outside of the context of sex, and it began to make me feel really used. After communicating this a couple times, he began making a clear effort to be more loving and affectionate. I can’t shake now though that his loving words and actions feels insincere and that it’s being driven by the conversation I had with him, rather than out of a real desire to be close to me.
How do I stop feeling this way? I want to accept that he’s doing the best he can now, but I just feel this sense of disconnect from him that I can’t shake.

So i met a guy there, we had a couple of beers, he gave a blowjob but i didn't cum. He asked me to charge his phone while he was in the bathroom, i opened his drawer where he told me it was his charger and noticed a letter there. It was his last hiv test, it was positive ( i know it was a private letter )and in the note it said he should start the medication as soon as possible " urgent matter". He was in the bathroom showering while he were waiting a buddy of his. He wanted a treesome. After i saw that i decided to leave. The thing is he told me he loves to have bareback sex and occasionally works as an scort. And his profile is quite active. It was such a weird experience.

Hi. I just needed to confess and share my experience visiting the brothels at GB road a couple of months ago. Firstly let me introduce myself, I am an person who never had a girlfriend and have low self esteem. I smoke alot of weed and sometimes rely on liquid courage to carry out tasks that get me anxiety. The only action I get are paid for. I am a sick man, you don't have to remind me. I should mention I am posting this from a new account, for obvious reasons.
Looking up GB road online, most of the posts about GB Road hold true. Maybe this post will help others who haven't but are thinking of making the trip there.
Firstly kotha 64, run by Nepalis is the safest brothel, that is true. No one is looking to activately rob you there. But getting there may not be the easiest, as I have unfortunately found out.
I always take the metro to Chawri Bazaar, exit via gate 3. You could take a rickshaw or an auto directly to 64, there are many lined up outside the metro. But I foot it instead. There is a small parallel road behind GB road. Around the day it is hectic and consists mostly of hardware stores. Around 8 in the evening, it is dark and and alot quieter as most businesses have closed for the day. I am not very sure but I believe the stores here are addressed as behind 45, 56 etc. Or it could just be the store number on that particular road. Either way I use them as reference to know what numbered kotha lies in front of it. I take the turn towards GB road when I am around 70 and make my way in reverse.
Incidentally, no pimp bothered me outside in GB road. The street is filled with genuine businessmen running genuine hardware stores. I hardly felt threatened. There was traffic on the road. It isn't hard to spot 64 if you take my route. The entrances of the kothas have cigrette stores opposite or besides them. But if you enter GB road from the direction opposite to what I have mentioned, let me warn you there are several falsely labelled 64s near 64. They are easy to identify as hookers usually sit outside near the entrance, trying to draw a naive guy in. I was once fooled into entering such dubious 64 and that's when it can get scary as once you have entered, the pimps and hookers crowd upon you and won't let you leave unless you take their service.
The pimp will always frisk you, searching your pockets hoping to find the secret cash you have hidden. They won't rob you of your mobile phone or other gadgets you have on, they are only interested in how much you have in your wallet. I unfortunately had around 3k with me, the pimp pocketed 1k and forced me inside a dingy room holding an older lady. I didn't want to do her so I tipped her a 100 and after 10 mins, she let me out. The pimp was waiting outside and asked me if I had tipped. I lied tipping ₹10 and took the chance to ask him more about GB road. There are apparently no beautiful ladies from the north east or foreigners but there are Nepalis. He said he could arrange foreigners if I came back with 5k and asked me to leave the place immediately, shielding me from other pimps and hookers outside. Ofcourse, I never had the intention to trust him to fullfill his promise.
Now the real 64 has no one waiting outside. There is some Hindi written on the inner right wall saying "Yaha thukna mana hai" or something, I didn't bother reading as I hurriedly made my way inside. On my several visits I always noticed an elderly woman sitting on the floor begging shortly after entering. On the ground floor there were old fat hookers waiting but I ignored them and made my way upstairs. The first floor was mostly deserted but had some hookers sitting down looking bored. The second floor was similar but few of the girls looked pretty. On the third floor is where apparently where all the young good looking hookers are. I could never truly guess if any girl is underage. Even if I am a demon, I am no pedophile. I believe the ones with pimples on their cheeks are in their late teens. At first glance, I couldn't find anyone very pretty, so I made my way to the cornerstore in the floor where they were selling cigerettes and drinks.
There are small cornerstores at every floor. I believe the vendors also double as a pimps but they never bothered me. Cigerettes like Classic are sold at 30 each and soft drinks like a ₹20 bottle at ₹40. They also sell snacks but I wasn't interested. They had Tuborg premium which sell at ₹300 but because I paid online, I had to shell out ₹350. No one really bothered me. Every once in while, street vendors selling peanuts and small soft drinks would make their way inside. The brothel is also frequented by vendors selling cosmetic and apparel, they usually target the hookers. There was once a person with a note in English stating his plight trying to solicit donations from hookers and customers. He was shortly asked to leave by the cornerstore vendor. As for the use of phones, there are several posters saying no videography allowed. They never collect your phones but while I was texting, the fat old madam sitting by the door near the stairs scrolling instagram asked me to put my phone away.
As I sat waiting for a girl pretty enough for me to turn up, sipping my beer and smoking my cigerette, hookers at the floor would try to get my attention. Some eventually making their way across to sit next to me. They never really bothered me but waited in anticipation if I would pick them, eventually moving on and talking to the other hookers across the hall in Nepali. Ironically the speakers above would at times blast divine music, like you are currently at some holy place. The cornerstone vendopimp would also do short pujas in the evenings. I was even offered Kaju Barfi by a young chap who every once in while sweeps the floor littered by cigrette butts and empty bottles. Apparantly he passed some exam.
Now the hookers may sweet talk you in the hall, but inside the very small dark compartment containing a metal framed bed with a thin mattress on top and barely any space, they mean business. You pay first and then are asked to wait inside the room as the girl deposits the amount. They lay a small piece of cloth on top of the mattress, half strip down from the bottom and expect you to do them in missionary position, sometimes never exposing their breasts. They are rude if you make requests. Also I have read that they make you put on double condoms but in my case it was always single though they carried an extra. In kotha 64, they have never really asked me to tip but they do expect it. On the third floor, it costs ₹450 a shot and you have 15 mins before someone knocks from outside asking you to hurry up. You could always pay more for more time.
There is a private room in the third floor, one with much more space, lighting and air-conditioned. Doing the deed in the room costs ₹600 for one shot and about ₹1400 (I forgot but around this range) for longer.
In this age of digital payments, one could go cashless but I imagine you'd have to pay extra.
Post coitus, they help you take off the condom and hurry you out in the hall after you've dressed. I take my time to collect myself, sex is draining particularly when you're the one doing all the pumping.
Now regarding the girls, I will just be brief. One of the quiet ones was very skilled and didn't complain much on my pestering. She eventually let me kiss and lick her and suck on her nipples after I had gotten her to cum. Of course, I tipped her good even though she never asked. Regarding my unsanitary actions, I know yuck, it's not much but I saw her taking her toiletries from the drawers underneath where we were sitting and heading to a room containing a mirrored wash basin and what I think is a small bathroom (a toilet perhaps? I just had a small peek). I picked her after she had returned, looking recently bathed. If you have been frequenting brothels as long as I have, you learn to spot infections and even though I am no expert, I haven't really noticed any on the girls at this floor. The Cornerstore vendopimp promises them to be infection free. I don't really trust him but I had tested myself last month because I had to donate blood. The girls also collectively sleep on the floor in the hall. The kothas close around 2am. When I asked what the small set of stairs going up behind the cornerstore on the third floor led to (I was curious about the 'Do not enter without permission' sign next to it), the vendor pimp replied "nothing, just the kitchen".
Another girl I did was very pretty. As she took her fee and headed to deposit the amount at the hands of the cornerstore pimp, I was flirting with the girl I mentioned earlier. Later, inside the room, she conveyed her frustration on my actions. She exposed her non existent tits but was rude throughout coitus. I didn't cum and ran out of time. She blamed me for being intoxicated. I shouldn't have booked the AC room for this one.
After getting out of the kotha, there are several auto rickshaws lined outside. In no mood to walk, I usually take one back to the metro. The autowallas usually charge me ₹80-₹100, one tried to justify the charge for the ₹50 they pay to park outside the kothas. They don't really ask any other questions if one is wondering. Only once was I shown disgust by an elderly person after exiting. I just brushed him off, he didn't look well off either.
Anyways, this has been my experience at GB road. Over the years I have visited brothels and massage spas across several states, including ones where brothel hookers aren't uptight about positions and requests.
I will someday return to Delhi and may visit GB road. If someone has experienced other kothas in GB road, please do share.

Before the pill, before the internet, before the cell phone, lots of misinformation about Asian history and culture circulated in books written by people who were not qualified.
Over the last 60 years, most of the assumptions and beliefs Zen have been debunked, although to people who don't go to college and don't read modern scholarship, it's still like the 1960s never ended.
Just as there are still books being published today about alien visitation and Jesus riding a dinosaur, there are plenty of opportunities for people to be misinformed. There are even books you can buy that describe how Trump won in 2020 and has been in charge of the deep state for the last 4 years.
But these books don't offer fact and arguments that can be repeated in the public square in anything like a coherent and compelling dialogue.

Zen not related to taoism

For people who haven't read a book of instruction written by a zen master but read a popular translation of Te Tao Ching (the more accurately translated title), it can be easy to believe the opinion from the 1960s that Zen was related to taoism.
People who have read the Taoist Canon don't think so: www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/taoism. Taoism resembles Hinduism and Catholicism, none of which bear any resemblance to Zen.

Zen rejects meditation

There is no doctrinal connection between Zen, the sudden realization of enlightenment, and any of the many Buddhist and quasi- Buddhist meditation practices like Zazen-Shikantaza, breath counting, or mind-stopping. Meditation requires faith in Messianic doctrine of a "fallen" nature, revealed practice, and a state to be achieved, all of which are incompatible with Zen study and practice.
Patriarch's Hall, a recently rediscovered text from 900ce, illustrates how aggressively is and rejected Buddhist meditation. www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/notmeditation
Additionally,, scholarship from Stanford proved that zazen was invented in Japan by a Tientai Buddhist priest and was not ever a Zen practice. www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/secular_dogen

Zen is not and never was a branch of Buddhism

The 1960s and '70s saw Zen only through the lens of Japanese Buddhist claims about a tradition that wasn't Japanese originally, and wasn't Buddhist originally.
8FP Buddhism is very much a religion that promises people supernatural rewards in exchange for compliant behavior. The 8FP is the means to those supernatural rewards.
Zen Masters never taught the eightfold path and instead taught the four statements of Zen (found in the sidebar). Scholarship on the four statements was entirely unknown in the 1960s, as Japanese Buddhists steered a curious West away from Chinese historical sources and towards modern religious apologetics that a nearly illiterate Western academia embraced too quickly.
The last 30 years of scholarship, clearly the translation of a wide variety of texts, has not only severed Zen from Buddhism.www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/getstarted but has raised very serious questions about what it is that makes Buddhism essentially Buddhist www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/Buddhism

60's as a primary sources for Neo-Christian new agers

Just as there are still people who say Jesus road a dinosaur to work, the internet will still provide havens for people who didn't graduate college, did not study comparative religion or philosophy, and don't practice anything like Zen's commitment to the five lay precepts and public interview.
Many of the '60s era sources were linked inextricably to Nazi era thinkers, sex predators, people with drug and alcohol addiction, and religious frauds from Buddhist churches (Christian churches aren't the only unreliable churches).
The tragic part of all this is that people who might be interested in Zen never get the chance to study it, because they encounter neo-christian meditation worship and get turned off by the whole topic.
And who can blame them?

My (m 30) best friend (f 28) has had a rough life. Her family has mostly disowned her and she has had it rough with them in many ways to say the least. We met in college 8 years ago, and there was a spark, but she continued to date a guy in his 30s while she was 20 the whole time we were at school. He also treated her incredibly poorly just like her family did. Like I said, she's had it rough. We ended up dating in 2020 but it was really difficult. Sure the pandemic was difficult to deal with but we also lived 350 plus miles from one another. Because of her history she requires a lot of love and attention. I loved being there for her and truly fell in love with her. We named our future kids, planned our lives, it seemed like we found our perfect match. Unfortunately, she began to treat me the way her family did. I would go into details but it's not appropriate. We ended things in 2021 but still managed to stay best friends. For the past three years, we have lived in a kind of la la state of coming back to each other and then branching off to new people. We do this because I had not been able to let go of our future and I provided the first ever safe place for her to be herself. Fast forward to February this year. We connect again and it feels very real. We are right back into naming kids and also start having phone sex. It all seemed good until about a month and a half ago, she said she went on a date with another guy and wanted to pursue it. That was the final straw for me and I pulled back. I worked on getting over her and I truly believe I have. I am seeing someone else now and I'm very happy. Still, she relies on me. She says I am the only family she has left. Whenever she starts dating a new guy she always tells me that if he makes her choose between him or me that she will always pick me. I have been there for her through everything the past 8 years and she claims she may not still be here with us if I didn't stay her friend. She says I am her tribe. That I am blood. She told this new guy that I am her best friend and I am not going anywhere. Apparently after hearing that, he didn't say a word and was "off" for the rest of the evening. This past weekend, he came back from a trip and after talking it over with his guy friends decided to end their because she is best friends with her ex. AITA for staying in her life? Should I leave her even though her own family abandoned her? I feel like if I leave, she won't be able to handle being thrown away again. How can I help her find happiness?

A bit of context: A couple years ago my best friend of over 20 years got engaged. Growing up we always dreamed of being each other's maid of honor, and we were so excited for that to finally come to fruition. Shortly after I ended up coming out as a trans man (I am now 1.5 years on testosterone and pass decently well). She still wanted me to fill the role and instead we changed my title to “best man”.
It was my job to handle her bachelorette party and the guest list consisted of the bride (S), myself, my boyfriend, and three friends from S’s neighborhood who are all a tight knit group (I hadn’t met any of them prior). The group was non-responsive, with me having to triple text them just to get answers to my questions. All of this to say–I was quite anxious going in.
Now for the actual bachelorette party: We started the night at one of the neighborhood friend’s house. The two other neighbors arrived and were helping me set up all of the decorations I bought and were being sweet. S arrives and everyone has a couple drinks and we end up playing a card game that one of them brought. The cards had questions that everyone went around and answered. At one point I get up and leave the room to grab something and I hear the question “Who would look the best as the opposite gender?” I could hear the tension even from the other room and my friend goes “Well obviously (my name)”--I was trying to diffuse the tension and chimed in “Oh ya definitely me–I was cute pre T”. At that point I come back in the room and see S huddled over her phone scrolling, with it turned to the neighbor friends. I walk over to see what they’re looking at and it's my instagram page–she had scrolled all the way back to 2016 (through hundreds of my pre transition pictures) and was showing them a picture of me with long hair and looking all dolled up. She said “Oh I probably should’ve asked you if that was ok huh?”. My heart was racing and I felt like I was having an out of body experience and because I didn’t want to make a big fuss less than an hour after meeting these women I was like “Oh it’s fine!”--complete fawn response. Her friends then started bombarding me with questions about my transition and if I was “a male or female”. I kept explaining that I was a trans man, to which she goes “but what is your BIRTH sex?” and I say “female”. She then proceeded to go on about “Ohhhh ok I can see that now! I can see the balance of feminine and masculine in your face. I can see where if your hair was this current color in that picture you would look the same”. S just sat there, saying nothing and smiling the whole time. This entire interaction was made worse by the fact that later in the night the women were once again looking at a phone S was holding and when I came over and said “What are we all looking at?” she turned the phone away from me and asked one of the women “Is it ok if I show it?”--she said yes and S revealed that it was just a picture of a wedding dress that one of the newly engaged women had tried on.
Shortly after we all head out to dinner. At this point S wasn't drinking and hadn’t had anything to drink in roughly an hour. They were all gossiping about their neighbors and other things and at one point S very nonchalantly informed me that my boyfriend and I were going to be moved to a different table for the reception–instead of sitting with her family as was originally planned. She goes on to say that her mom’s boyfriend (of less than one year) isn’t comfortable sitting next to trans people. She then corrects herself and says “Well actually he didn’t say that–my mom just thinks he’d be uncomfortable and asked that you be moved”. Now. I have known this woman for over 20 years of my life. She is like a second mother to me. To say that I was gutted is an understatement. The waitress overheard the conversation and said “Oh my god that’s horrible! I’m so sorry I don’t mean to interrupt but that’s just awful!”. So it clearly wasn’t just me who understood how awful it was. S then proceeded to make excuses for why he thought that way/why she said that. Namely that he was “assaulted by a man when he was younger”. Again, I had a fawn response as I was just trying to keep it together. Earlier in the night she had been talking the guy up and several times mentioned that he “met RuPaul” as if that was an indicator that he was a good person–but now knowing that the whole time she was aware that he’s transphobic it feels insane that she kept feeling the need to sprinkle that in over and over.
These are just the most egregious things but there were microaggressions that she said through the night (ie going out of her way to inform me that she’s still using they/them pronouns for me because she’s still getting used to he/him–I’ve been going by he/him for over a year now).
All the while my boyfriend was deeply triggered and traumatized by the events as he is also transgender and it brought him right back to when he was earlier on in his transition and had to deal with things like this. He felt paralyzed as I had asked him prior to not say anything if the women made any inappropriate comments–but I never expected comments from S. He cried once we got back and was rattled for days after.
We slept at S’s home and in the morning we were drinking coffee with her and her fiance. Once again she brings up the situation with her mom nonchalantly and tells him that she told us. I say “Hey–about that, I really think that I didn’t need to know that. I really would’ve preferred if you had just moved us without letting us know why or made up an excuse”. Her fiance had a look on his face and she said that he was adamant that I should never be told and that his initial reaction to the mom’s request was that her boyfriend just shouldn’t be invited to the wedding. I also let her know that I was uncomfortable that she was showing strangers my pre-transition pictures without asking me. I kept the conversation very brief and frankly overly nice. She apologized and I left and my boyfriend and I went home.
As the day went on the shock started to wear off and I was more and more hurt. I texted her and stressed how much it hurt that she scrolled for multiple minutes through hundreds of my pre transition pictures without asking me, but thought to ask her friend for permission to show me a picture of a dress. She profusely apologized and I dropped it. In the morning I woke up to a lengthy text of her saying that she thought she had asked for my permission to show the pictures and that she never would’ve done it without asking for my consent and that it was all a misunderstanding. I responded stating that I had been out of the room when the question got pulled and when I walked in she was already several years deep in my instagram and then commented “Oh I probably should’ve asked you if that was ok”. The next day the reality of the situation with her mom began to fully sink in and I got angrier and angrier about how she could request that I be moved, after knowing me so long, and how S made excuses for her mom and mom’s boyfriend. I decided to send a voice memo rather than a text so that she could hear that my tone was of hurt rather than screaming and yelling. The purpose was to get her to understand the severity of the situation and how if you replace “trans” with any other minority group it instantly becomes apparent how messed up the situation was. I played the audio for several people and everyone said that it made them sad for me and that I expressed my feelings in a really calm and respectful way. S initially responded that night saying that she needed time to properly respond.
After a week of radio silence she finally replied and said that my messages had been “troubling and frightening” and that “I don’t have the resources right now to make my wedding feel like a safe space for you/us”. I was beyond shocked that her response was to uninvite me to the wedding and I let her know that I couldn’t be friends with her after the way she had handled everything. Later in the day she called me (I didn’t pick up) and texted me saying that her fiance was begging her to call me and make up and that she thought she was doing me a favor by uninviting me and that she thought my audio message was to intentionally kick her while she was down and was me “begging to be uninvited”. I feel like she is backpedaling HARD and mainly because of her fiancé.
Thank you to everyone who read this novel of a post. What do you all think–am I overreacting?

Here's the story, and I need advice. (Sorry for the long post) I am a 43Y F with 3 boys, 5, 5 & 8, my husband 44Y M, we have been together for 21 years, married for 16 of those years. In the 21 years we have been together, I had NEVER, not in my entire life, ever thought, he would cheat. I trusted him 1 million percent. Our marriage was rocky, I work full time, a mom of 3, with a husband who for the most part, does the bare minimum around the house, and with the kids, and still expects me to be ready to have sex, show him intense affection, love and attraction. I am overwhelmed and exhausted and resented, due to the lack of support I receive, just maintaining the home, he says, that my reasoning / being tired, resented, is BS, and that it shouldn't matter, if I'm tired / angry, if you love someone, that should come first. Anyway, in Dec. '22, he gave me an ultimatum, telling me that if I didn't start showing him more love / affection / desire etc. then we would just be buddies, living in the same house, watching our kids. Fast forward to May of 23, he had just gotten home from a trip, and something in my gut told me to check his phone. I had NEVER done that, but it was like a call to my soul. (Truly). Anyway, turns out, he had hired strippers, that he brought up to his room. He swore up and down, nothing happened. I chose to trust and forgive, as he had never done anything like that. I drew the line and said, never again. And if you do cheat, it's over. June '23, I found out - he was actually sleeping with someone he met on a dating site, seekingarrangements.com. Text messages, pictures all of the things, made it clear as day. It had been going on basically for 30+ days, he took her to a music festival, all the things. After some time, we agreed to work it out, again - (shame on me). It is now May - I found out 2 weeks ago that he was having an affair, that started in September of last year, legit, like they are in love, talking about moving in with each other. He has taken her on several trips to music festivals, out of town to shows and just all in all sneaking around. When I confronted him this time, he told me that he does love her, not like he loves me of course, but that she is dying of cancer. I want to call her, is she really dying of cancer? Why do I care? He says he wants to work it out with me, if I am willing to stay, that he has a way to let her go, with a clear conscious. I want to know - is she really sick? Did he lie to me about that? I think he's still talking to her, while we're in this limbo state, on if I will try to forgive, or divorce him. Has anyone reached out to the other woman/ man? Is it recommended? I'm going crazy!

I’m so mad!!!! I’m not sure if I’m more mad with my ex-husband or with myself for falling for his BS yet again!
My ex-husband and I have been divorced for 2 years. He’s 40, I’m 38. We were together since I was 20. We have 5 kids together, and our oldest are teenagers. Our relationship was pretty rocky and very on/off for several years prior to actually following through with the divorce. I feel like we both still loved each other, but we’re incompatible on a day to day basis. I believe he cheated on me. He also never wanted me to work outside of the home. We just had very different ideas of what marriage meant. I don’t feel like we were so different when we were younger, but we grew to be very different. We had actually started the process of separation and divorce once before, but then I got pregnant and during that pregnancy he became the perfect husband. But things eventually fell apart again and we finally realized that we had to get a divorce.
On my birthday in March of this year he came to my house announced with a gift for me. It seemed genuine. We slept together that night. We’ve slept together several times since then. I know it was stupid to do, when I’m already struggling with so many mixed emotions about him and like I’ll never truly get over him. But I didn’t think we were really doing any harm. There was no talk about us getting back together. Neither of us was pretending that it was something other than what it was - sex. That was until he invited me on a vacation, just the two of us. At that point I knew we needed to have a real conversation about what all of this meant. He made it seem like he wanted us to go away and explore the idea of getting back together. That’s what he said. He wanted to talk about “what it would take” for us to try a relationship again. He was talking about therapy and counseling and being a better husband and father.
We never went on the vacation. I hadn’t vetoed it completely, but I told him I needed to think about it some more. This was toward the end of April. So, a matter of just a few weeks ago.
He got me a nice gift for Mother’s Day (not including the gifts our kids got me, which I knew he also paid for) and wrote a very thoughtful message in a card, which he normally doesn’t do. It was sweet. It felt good.
Then last night at around 11:00 pm I was scared half to death when I heard somebody loudly enter my home. When I went downstairs to check what was going on, it was one of our sons. He was supposed to be at his dad’s tonight, and that’s where he came from. He was so upset. It took a good 5-10 minutes to calm him down. He was pacing just looked so angry in a way that he normally never is. He told me that his dad, my ex-husband, is actually engaged to a secret girlfriend he’s had for who knows how long. They’ve been engaged since January! My son saw pictures of my ex-husband and this woman on my ex’s phone. They weren’t nude photos or anything like that, as far as I’m aware. My son asked him who this woman was in all of these photos and my husband told him “Don’t tell your mother, but this is my fiance.” My son said he was so mad he just stormed out of the house.
So, this entire time he’s been sleeping with me, claiming to be single, and inviting me on vacation to discuss getting back together…he’s been secretly engaged? To a woman who he’s never mentioned before and has never introduced to our kids?
I’m blown away! This feels worse than all of the stupid things he did while we were actually married. It almost feels calculated that he’d have all of these pictures of her and the two of them together on his phone and allow our son to use his phone knowing he’d probably see the pictures. I feel like he couldn’t bring himself to sit our kids down like a normal person would to give them this news, so he allowed my son to find these pictures. The fact that he never mentioned a word about this woman and then he was so easily able to say “Don’t tell your mother, but this is my fiance” is so weird.
And guess what? She’s in her 20s. How cliche. How sad.
It’s time like these where it’s very hard to be a good mom, pretending to be the bigger person and take the high road while also not totally burying my husband’s character in front of them. My children are very hurt by this. They feel very betrayed by their dad for not even mentioning that he was dating someone, let alone getting engaged to somebody who he’s never even introduced them to. Throw in the fact that she’s not even 10 years old than some of our kids. They don’t want to talk to him. He’s been blowing up my phone all day and one of my daughter has told me the same. They don’t even know about what was going on between the two of us. I’m not saying they were clueless because we’re dealing with teenagers here, but they don’t know that he invited me on this vacation or anything. Being there for my children, protecting them, and helping them navigate their emotions is my main priority, but I really just want to go crazy and tear him a new one. Trying to remain composed is very difficult.

26F. I dont know what’s happening to me, but it is weird as fuck. When I was a teenager I fell deeply in love with my high school teacher and in the end of school, before I went to uni he said he had feelings for me as well. I was 17, so this meant the world to me. I moved home to uni, went to live in other city and nothing physically happened between me and the teacher because he was married, he kept saying he wanted me but couldnt have me, but it was a weird relationship: he kept on telling me we wouldnt have sex or be together but I spent my summers talking to him for hours on the phone, we did late night texting, he used to meet me when he was in the city. I was obsessed with him. It took me years to forget about him- 5 years. When I forgot him, I was so happy, I felt so much lighter. I thanked God for finally being able to let go of this person. He still texted me and tried to talk to me but I didnt care. I grew up and started seeing how weird he was, he is like 19 years older than me, and he couldnt give me anything but he wouldnt let me go as well. I started thinking “he’s disguisting” and even told him to stop speaking to me because I wasnt his friend, I was just a child that he abused psychologically. I forgot about him for almost 5 years. I have a boyfriend and I love him. But suddenly I started thinking obsessively about the teacher again. This is fucking weird. He tried to text me this week and unsent all the messages in the middle of the night. I feel this urge to speak to him. But I know is wrong. I am meditating a lot and sometimes messages tells me that this is my ego. That this obsession comes from my ego. Also, it is fucking absurd to be thinking about your high school crush when you are twenty fucking six. It’s been almost 9 years since high school, jesus. It was fun to fantasize with him for a while but now I am really worried about my mental health.
I would appreciate your advice.

CONEY ISLAND FANS - Here's your chance to own a piece of Coney history. Coney is not opening sales to the public. Since I did some contracting work in there, saving some of the park memorabiliaI, I was able to purchase some items. Please be respectful of this as I am trying to make sure Coney items have a chance to go to Coney fans who appreciate the history.
Items that are ready to go are listed below.
Please DM me for prices. From there, I can provide you with my phone number and location for pickup. I will save items and let people have a chance to purchase in the order I am contacted.
Paddle boats - swans and dragons
Steel ping pong tables
Green lounge pool chairs from Sunlite Pool
Park benches - Green painted wood with iron legs (short, medium, and long lengths)
Green plastic chairs from Moonlight Gardens
Canoes from the lake - not usable in water, but could be decor
If you have Coney friends, please let them know as I would like to have these items go to true Coney fans first, if possible. Thank you!

Did I just miss the signs? Or is this a temporary problem?
I met my wife (Natalie) 8 years ago via dating app. Our courtship was pretty straightforward and I really liked that about her. We communicated well, liked doing some of the same things, and were both comfortable going out of our comfort zones with each other.
This is something I’ve always admired about her, but in recent years—or, really, since we got married—that hasn’t been reserved for me.
Our relationship was very easy to start with. We were doing small things to acknowledge each other. We paid attention to what each other wanted. We often wanted to do the same things and we left a lot of space for each other to have fun with our friends.
The sex has never been great. There were a few times where it was good, but it was mostly pedestrian or outright bad. This was the first time I’d ever experienced anything like this. But it wasn’t a big deal to me at first.
We shared very similar dreams of wanting to get married, having a family, living on the west coast (of the US), and having a life partner to share a life with.
Natalie was also an incredibly considerate girlfriend for a large chunk of our dating life. When I lost my job, she took her lunch break to buy lunch for me at my favorite sandwich spot and dropped it off at my apartment personally. Little things like this made me feel cared for. She wasn’t very good with money, but I was, and I figured we could balance a budget together.
As we got engaged, I was very happy. Sex is a part of a relationship, but it’s not the most important part, I thought. We were having sex once a month at this point. This was doable for me. I have a much higher sex drive than this, but I was happy, and my happiness was more important than sex.
Things got a little weird after we got married though. Suddenly she was much harder to please. Her wedding was her vision. I know very little about weddings, so I was fine with this, but when it came time to choose a song, she didn’t listen to me and picked out a song I didn’t like. She was stressing a lot more about the day than getting married to me. I felt like I was just a guy who could’ve been anybody.
She also began putting me down to coworkers on occasion (which I told her wasn’t ok and she … eventually … stopped). She started having a much harder time at work and when that started, she became more critical of things I did. Then she began being critical of everything. We were having sex maybe once every two months and I was doing the initiating. She began to say stuff that was kind of insulting or a huge turnoff during sex—one particular instance, I thought things were going well, but she asked 7-10 minutes in “when are you going to be done” while I was doing all the work. I tried to have a few earnest talks about it and said “my goal is for both of us to have fun and I’m willing to be more adventurous and do whatever you want to do.” This resulted in her saying “ok,” and then nothing came of it.
But we still shared our goals. We got a house together and started planning for a family.
We got pregnant on the first try.
We had our first child just before the pandemic, which turned out to be pretty damn challenging, but we worked together really well throughout all of it. We were a great team, taking care of the baby and working remotely and doing small things for each other.
We took basically a year off from sex after our first child was born, which I was totally fine with, and I wanted her to feel like she could initiate with me. I tried to make myself as available as possible to her and keep the channels of communication open. I emphasized how important it was for me that she wanted to have sex. When she was ready, she initiated, and we began trying for a second kid (this time we had sex 2 times before getting pregnant).
We had our second child in August 2022 and this is when things started going downhill. The birth was really difficult for her physically. She lost quite a bit of blood.
(Small aside, I had saved enough money for us to get a new car. Her work didn’t pay enough coverage for maternity leave so I said we can either have a new car or you can have a longer maternity leave. Although she kept arguing with me that she wanted both, she relented eventually and chose the longer maternity leave).
The first month was rough. She was unhappy the entire time. It was clear she developed post partum. I was trying to take care of both kids and her emotional needs, but it clearly wasn’t enough. I asked and then later begged her to go to therapy and she refused for several months (I’ve been in therapy for years, fwiw). We got into fights nightly, initiated by her, about things that clearly didn’t matter in the long run—fights about stacking the dishwasher, about how I wasn’t doing enough (I was taking our first born and then our second born to daycare every day, I was doing the dishes and taking out the trash regularly, I was playing with our kids all the time, i was offering to ease whatever load she felt was unbearable). She complained I was on my phone too much and not present when the kids were having independent play time. The last one was annoying, but I agreed to put my phone away more. I tried my best to keep the peace in this time. (Also, if it isn’t obvious enough, we weren’t having sex).
I began walking on eggshells. I tried to remain focused on us trying to get along. It seemed like she was trying harder to fight. There were multiple fights where I brought up an issue as gently as possible and she talked for an hour about some issue she was having with me until I apologized. When I did, she would say thank you and the fight would be over. One time, she recognized the initial thing I brought up and said sorry about that after two hours of talking in circles, but only after I apologized for something first.
I grew very tired of this but tried to keep my head up and told myself this was a temporary problem.
At some point in here, we had a fight that was so brutal, I had a panic attack. I’d never had one before in my life. It felt like all of the frustration and sadness she felt was directed at me in anger and that was the only way she could express it. I can’t tell you how devastating this was. I felt completely trapped. I felt like there was no winning in our relationship for me and that I have to put her feelings first if I want to be happy every once in a while.
Out of the blue, she went to a therapist for a session. (This was seven months after the birth of our second child.) i was relieved and thought this was the start of us getting better.
The next month was good: we were communicating well, we weren’t having sex, but we had a good family dynamic. She wasn’t blaming me for things. This I could live with
Eventually, we got into a fight. It was somewhere toward the end of the month. It wasn’t a terrible one, but it was bad. I went to my therapy session that night and talked to my therapist about how I didn’t realize we hadn’t had a fight in a month. I was strangely happy about it when I realized that. I went home to tell her how nice it was to realize she and I were getting along so well and that therapy seemed to be helping her. Then she got indignant. She said that she’s always been like this and I just haven’t noticed.
I was confused on why we were fighting all of a sudden and she dropped a pretty big bomb on me: she hadn’t been in therapy for a month. She went for one session and stopped.
I had my second ever panic attack right then and there. She said she would go back to therapy only if it was couples.
I cannot emphasize enough how “I just hadn’t noticed” wasn’t the case. I like to give her credit as much as I can. I regularly give her words of affirmation, let her know I love her, buy her flowers on bad days, etc. I’m not saying I’m a perfect partner, but I try to please her as much as I can. I’m a pretty astute observer too. It was like she was living in a different reality.
She began joking, around this time, of having a third kid. I said absolutely not. I had always wanted 3 but I wasn’t willing to go through this again. I asked her to stop joking about it because I was serious. I said things need to get better before I can even think of saying yes to that idea.
(I think maybe her mom talked to her at some point here because she joked like that in front of her mom and I said absolutely not and the joking abruptly stopped.)
The fighting continued. The different realities continued.
As our youngest turned 1, I was unsure why I was in this relationship at all. I had contemplated divorce and even brought it up because I was so tired of all the fighting. This wasn’t the relationship we had dreamed of.
Shortly after our youngest’s first birthday, we got the chance to go on a weekend trip just the two of us, no kids. We took it. It was expensive because that’s what she wanted. We did a whole spa day, at my suggestion. We had nice dinners. We had sex once on that trip. It was fine, but it felt like she wasn’t into it, which, I realized while writing this all out, is how it’s always been. Maybe she’s just never been that into me. Maybe she’s in her own world most of the time and I’m some attaché.
The fighting began cooling off the last few months. She’s still very critical and judgmental. She’s started fewer fights, however. Things were going well until earlier today.
Two weeks ago, she had a week-and-a-half long trip planned with her friends to Palm Springs. When she first asked, I said that’d be asking a lot, but I’m happy to support her if she needs it. She went on that trip and spent nearly our entire tax refund ($3000) on it.
As it stands, our youngest is almost two and our oldest is 4. They’re both wonderful children and I love them very much.
They were a bit of a handful while she was gone. Our kids tend to act out a bit when one of us goes on vacation. This was the case. As I tried to let our children know mama would be back, they struggled with regulating their emotions. She’s taken trips like this in the past and they did the same thing. Usually in those cases though, I’ll make sure I have a weekend trip lined up for me. I don’t have one planned any time soon. I’m too drained to think about it and we have no money.
Then, yesterday, on Mother’s Day, she told me she expects me to take the kids out of the house while she gets to do whatever she wants (which, that’s fair, but I was clearly sick and still recovering from the week and a half she was gone). This was after I had bought her flowers, a gift, and taken her out to dinner the night before for a date night. She spent all of Mother’s Day gardening and didn’t interact with our kids until about an hour before bedtime.
What kept me in the relationship for a long time was that, in spite of the not great sex, we were a great team and we communicated well and my other needs were met. Now it feels like we’re not even a team anymore and I’m the bag man.
I’m really struggling to figure out a few things.

1. What the hell happened?
2. I understand there may be some identity issues—about being a mother and wanting it or not wanting it—as well as just being overwhelmed. But why wasn’t that the case after our first child?
3. Not having sex has stunk and would’ve at least helped in this awful time. Why does she not want to have sex with me?
4. What am I doing in this relationship still?

Does anyone have any idea what’s going on?
TLDR: my wife and I have always gotten along personality-wise (and not sex-wise), but since the birth of our second child 2 years ago, her personality has become a lot more self-interested and ive maybe become too accommodating. Has it always been like this? I’m struggling to understand why I’m in this relationship now.