Trigger warning - religious differences
I always bragged about how awesome my extended family was. NO family is perfect, but I heard horror stories and always counted my blessings that I had strong ties with my Aunt and uncles since I was raised an only child. That was until a few months ago when my last living Aunt, whom I considered a second mom, shattered me.
Ok, some backstory here. My aunt is a Jehovah’s Witness. Now before you get all judgy, I have always loved her, my uncle and her son with all of my heart. I still do. I respect that they have found faith and live by this code on the daily. I have met many people from their congregation and loved them all (ok, a couple of exceptions). I also appreciate the community they have and love they all show each other. If it weren’t for the religion itself, I would have converted.
I, however, am pagan and have always been since I was about 5 (even the first book I signed out from the school’s library was about witchcraft). Not raised that way, but always found spiritual comfort in nature and the natural world. I have a very strong connection and dedication to my Powers That Be and work every day to help the world be a better place. My Aunt did not know my religion until about 7 years ago. That being said, she and I would have very philosophical conversations when we hung out together. Even at the age of 8, I would listen to her preach to me and ask questions to which she never had answers. I remember her telling me how only 144,000 people would be allowed in heaven and didn’t I think that would be wonderful knowing that our whole family could be together again after we died. We’d all be in heaven if we were all Jehova;s witnesses. I had gone with her many times to do field service (door to door) and asked her why they do that if there’s only a certain number of people allowed. Didn’t that lessen her chances of getting in because I’m sure there were many people more deserving than myself. How did she know for sure she’d be one of the ones to get in and was that fair to keep bringing people into the religion when all the spaces were probably already filled up?
At 8 years old, I had many questions and was just trying to figure these things out. Since she was an adult, I figured she had the answers. My questions were not with malice, just for a want of better understanding. When she didn’t have the answers, I'd ask my mother and grandmother. While they were extremely amused, they said they never understood either. They never said anything bad about her or her attempts to get them to convert, just allowed me to explore religion and spirituality as I wished so I could make my own decision of what was right for me.
Once I was an adult, I avoided talking to her about religion, but found that if I didn’t ask questions and just let her talk, it made her happy. I know she’s a good person at heart and that’s all that matters. After my Mom passed, my aunt and I talked almost every week. I loved talking to her and she became even more like a mom to me. She gave me encouragement and we supported each other through health and emotional crises. I’d make it a point to try and visit at least once a year for a few days so she could visit with my daughter and I. We’d always do lunch with her friends and I loved it. I fell in love with some of the people in her congregation and wished we could live closer to hang out more. I, however, never wavered on my spiritual beliefs, but I have never cared about the religion, race, or sexuality of anyone. If we got along, we were friends and that was that.
My aunt and I had come to an understanding that I would not convert and that we would love and respect each other regardless. Religious talk was off the table for the most part until both of my uncles (my aunt’s two brothers) passed and she had a very hard time dealing with it. She was the last surviving sibling and she was sinking into a depression. I’d talk to her at length and listen to her as she mourned the fact that she would never have contact with them (and my mom) in heaven because they never converted. When she asked me what I believed, I told her that I believed that the soul lived on after the body died and that I believed in reincarnation. I explained my beliefs were closer to hindu and buddhism than christianity (so she had context). We had very long talks and she expressed that she respected my views and actually found comfort in talking with me.
That was until my daughter and I opened our store about 3 years ago. It’s a metaphysical shop and we have crystals, teas, gifts, jewelry, candles and more (about 10% strict;y pagan). My aunt was happy for us until it dawned on her that we might sell pagan stuff. I told her what we sold and she asked me if I was a witch. I replied that I suppose that was one way to describe me, but, again, I considered myself spiritual and that I followed a path closer to buddhism, hinduism, native american. I sent a couple of pictures of the jewelry that we made and she said when we came down, we should bring the jewelry making.
We did, I brought down our best crystals to wrap and bracelet materials and my daughter and I made her a necklace with a very expensive stone (A $200 piece). She brought her friends over and they picked out crystals that they wanted, made bracelets and such. We had fun and I was happy to do it, though I wasn’t expecting people that I had never met before. Still, we had fun. My daughter and I also brought her a basket with local items from our hometown, (Raw honey, handmade stoneware mugs, cutting board, herbal tea and some other items made by us as well) She was thrilled. My aunt and uncle had taken a couple of bad falls a few months before and so my daughter and I made them hand carved cedar walking sticks as well because we knew they went for regular walks and thought it would help their balance. It felt amazing to lavish expensive and heartfelt gifts on them as I has struggled so long with money. I was finally in a place that I could do it. To say the gifts probably totalled in excess of 1K is on the low side, but I was still happy to do it.
Besides the fact that they tried converting my daughter when I wasn’t around, it was a lovely visit. The only problem I had was with a new person my aunt introduced us to. This woman, we’ll call her Dee, ignored me and only talked to my daughter. She was my age if not older, but conversed with my daughter, 17, like I wasn’t there. They traded contact info and Dee insisted that they keep in touch while my daughter was in college. Dee said she was going to keep an eye on her. I thought that was odd, but I did enjoy the feeling of having an extended family sort of since I actually had no family besides my Aunt.
Let’s jump forward to the following year and we were struggling financially. Not horrible, but unable to lavish the gifts that we did the year before. Instead, I created a beautiful aromatherapy candle, some delicious herbal teas and we found a couple of very rare antique tea cups that had amazing value to them (about $100 a piece). We made a basket for her and I decided we would cook for them. (gluten free, soy free, dairy free etc). Our visit went so well, it was great to see them. We just enjoyed hanging out with them and talking. They loved the meal we made for them and the dairy free organic chocolate I made. Everything was great until the day we were leaving. Dee showed up and again ignored me, talked to my daughter and chastised her for getting a pet snake as that was an animal associated with the devil. My daughter is one to push the envelope a bit and said how she wanted to get a tattoo as well, one of a snake. Both my aunt and Dee were shocked and said she should never get a tattoo.. Again related to the devil, I went to the bathroom as I was not involved in the conversation and knew my daughter could hold her own. Little do they know that my daughter is also trans. I told her not to say anything to them just yet. I came back to them talking about how college was going and I thought my aunt and Dee would faint when she said her college roommate was male. She quickly explained that it was fine because he was gay and how awesome he was (he is btw). She quickly realized what I meant when she saw their reaction to him being gay. It wasn’t that she was living with a boy, it was that he was gay and “why did he choose to be gay.” I tried redirecting the conversation a couple of times, but they ignored me.
They finally let it go, but just after Dee left, we were getting ready to depart as well. My aunt returned the basket I made for her (minus the expensive tea cups). She said she could not accept them as they were touched by the devil. Shocked, I asked what she meant. She said that because they came from my store, they carried Satan's influence and she could not have them in our home. Truthfully, I explained that I made those items for her and that the only things that came from the store were the teacups. She was confused why I had gotten upset. When I explained that I gave her a gift and if she didn’t want it, she could regift it or throw it away. That gift came from my heart with all the love I have for her and that I didn't need to know her opinions about the gifts because It insinuated I, myself, was evil and it was extremely hurtful. She basically continued on insisting that I was just not aware of how much Satan had a hold of me. All I could do was tell her how much I loved her and leave.
I didn’t take her calls and cried about this for over a month. I finally felt strong enough to talk to her and again she insisted that because those items touched my hands, they were influenced by satan and she wished I could understand how they just can’t have that influence in their home. Frustrated, I asked how she could shop at grocery stores or buy anything from department stores because she can’t guarantee that those items didn’t touch hands that were influenced by satan. Also , I asked her how they could have eaten the food I prepared for them and why did they even invite me into their home to begin with if that’s the way she felt about me. She suddenly needed to go.
We talked a few times since then but it always came back to religion. At one point I asked her again why she would even invite us to her home if she felt that way. Her response was to save my daughter. The pain and heartache she has inflicted is immense, but I cannot bring myself to argue the point because I’m afraid if I make my point to her, it will break her. She’s in her 80’s and I believe has the beginnings of dementia. Her religion brings her comfort and I don’t want to say anything that might make her doubt her religion at her advanced age.
I’ve decided it is probably best for both of our mental health to stop all contact with her( with the exception of sending cards telling them how much I love them) even though I’ve always seen her as a second mom. AITA for making this decision and not trying to work things out with her or allow her to believe that I still might convert?
*** Please understand this is not a bash on any religion. Everyone has the right to believe in whatever religion they wish. That includes me, so if you feel the need to bash them or me for our spiritual choices, you can move along ***
I have never felt like I needed to hide any part of me from my friends, family, and the public in general. Not until now. Buckle up, this is a bumpy ride.
I've always been kind hearted, almost to a flaw. I took care of my grandmother, my step-dad, my mom and helped with a family friend during long term and terminal illnesses. I had my daughter and, without her father's help, raised her on my own with very little to no support. I helped friends with their farm who left me homeless in the end because I want interested in an extramarital affair. I lost my home and all that I loved including my husband because he lied to me and never paid it mortgage while I was recovering from an illness. In short, I have had a tough life, but it has never made me turn my back on anyone who needed help or in difficult family when they were ignored by the others. That's just some background before I tell you this situation.
Three years ago, after a bout of covid, my daughter was suicidal. She had been in the top three of her HS class and yet at that point almost failed her junior year. Not knowing if she would have the emotional strength to face college and adulting in general, I set up a plan B for her. I started a store in her name and that way she'd have something at least to fall back on if she was unable to function in the m-f 9 to 5 world. We started slow by doing craft fairs, seeking crystals, candles, jewelry, and gifts. We were kicked out of one because the person running it assumed we were witches. She was not wrong exactly as we identified as pagan, but we lived our life closest to the Buddhist and Hindu traditions, not traditional wicca. These were people who knew us for years and were considered acquaintances if not friends.
Our business flourished and we ended up opening our brick and mortar that fall after remodeling our garage/ barn and turning it into a store front. Even though I run it for my daughter, it is hers and we work together to keep it going.
In the past few years I've lost my mom, and two uncles. I have no family besides my mother's sister and her husband which we were pretty close. My aunt knew that I was pagan and had tried recruiting me into her religion since I was 5. Even at that tender age her religion never made sense and I would ask her questions to which she never had answers. I accepted her and respected her and her religion even though I didn't agree. I loved the people she introduced me to that were in her church and I always got along with them. That is until we visited the year after we started our store. My aunt was thrilled about us bringing crystals down and making jewelry with her. We met a new friend of hers (middle aged woman) who ignored me completely and oozed affection on my daughter. She got my daughter's contact info and contacted her frequently. Trying to convert and ”save” her. My daughter wasn't having it as even though she was in a delicate state, she is very level headed and strong willed.
This year we visited and we brought herbal tea, candies, and rare vintage tea cups for my aunt. The day we were leaving, she handed back everything but the vintage tea cups and told me she couldn't accept them because they were touched by Satan (aka made by my hands). To say I was devastated is an understatement. This woman was always like a second mom to me and we had grown closer after my mom passed away. It was a 20 hour drive home and I cried most of the way. I cried for weeks after a well. Thinking of it now still brings me tears. As she was telling me that Satan had a hold on me and that she was trying to save me, all I did was remind her how much I loved her and my uncle. Every time since then that we have talked, she says the same thing, but now she told me I was a lost cause. I feel like trying to stay in touch is detrimental to her mental health ( and my own). I don't want to give up or abandon the last of my family, but I can't talk to her and endure the endless insinuations that I'm evil because I don't believe in her religion. She took a bad fall and broke her arm. The last time we spoke, she talked as if it was my fault for bringing the devil into her home.
While I could usually brush this off as delusional ranting, it hits hard because the same day she fell, my dad died. I know the Powers That Be only give as much as we can handle, I just wish they didn't have so much faith in me.
They are in their 80s. I know in all the pieces of my broken heart that they'll never be able to accept my daughter and I unless we change religions and it has crossed my mind just to say we have to put her at ease, but I can't lie like that to them and we cannot betray ourselves like that either. By

My Goodness, I really can't imagine that we've made it to the penultimate episode of season 2. We're just two days away from the premiere, we've seen the first five minutes of the episode which feature Benedict heavily, and the red carpet was last night. I really did not think we'd ever get here.
"Harmony" finds the Bridgertons and the Sharmas embroiled in scandal and ousted by society after the fallout from Anthony and Edwina's aborted wedding. Eloise is falsely accused of being Lady Whistledown by the Queen herself, leaving Penelope between a rock and a hard place. With that in mind, let's get into it.
Benedict makes his first appearance in this episode seated in the Bridgerton drawing room with his sketchbook. He groans loudly when his mother suggests the family all promenade together. He asks Anthony if there is something more he should know regarding his brother's situation when Anthony grumbles that a respectable family is headed by a gentleman, but Anthony rebuffs his brother's offer to help. I feel like we see this all the time in the show: Benedict offering to lend a hand to Anthony, or attempting to connect with him, but Anthony doesn't often accept his brother's help.
Benedict later promenades with the family, looking tight-lipped, like he knows before the rest of his family what's coming. Still though, he smiles, because Benedict I've learned in this rewatch is a master at not letting things get to him. This comes to a boiling point in the finale, and I believe we will see it continue in season three as well (but... more on that tomorrow). After Eloise's stand off with the Queen, we see Benedict again, always at Anthony's side as they walk together through Hyde Park, looking just lovely as he often does.
Just shy of the twenty minute mark, we find Benedict enjoying the revelry of his art school life, sitting next to Tessa, when Anthony stops by to see him. Anthony appears disappointed to find Benedict partying rather than studying, and when he inquires if Benedict does this every night, he groans and asks, "Did you come to admonish me?" before pouting. Anthony reminds Benedict that being the second son doesn't completely exempt him from duty, and Benedict catches on that his brother's attitude has something to do with Kate. Benedict finally admits out loud that he notices how Anthony looks at her. He tells Anthony that he should do with his life what Benedict does with his art: remember that it's simply a matter of perspective. Anthony coldly accuses Benedict of "taking the tea" again before leaving his brother behind. This scene is very telling of their relationship. It seems they can never really get on the same page: when Benedict offers help, Anthony doesn't want to hear it, and when Anthony seeks him out, he's in an inebriated state that leads Anthony to wave off anything his brother says. It's a tale as old as time, the ballad of the heir and the spare. One honor bound by responsibility, the other merely waiting on the sidelines for the day he might be needed. It's obvious that Benedict is confident Anthony isn't going anywhere in how he leans into the parties, drugs, drinks, and women (or, really, woman, singular, as we discussed yesterday). But underneath it all is in fact the soul of an artist who sees more than he lets on, and may even be better at managing society than Anthony himself.
Later, as Violet discusses her Harmony Ball in the drawing room, Eloise and Benedict play chess off to the side until Eloise sticks her head out the window, sweating from stress. Benedict then suggests Violet change the theme of the ball.
Finally the day of the Harmony Ball arrives. Benedict descends the steps of Bridgerton House, not exactly looking surprised that the plan has failed. He approaches Anthony, insisting he doesn't want to be around the misery and decides to head to his studio. Though, Anthony finally takes his advice, saying he's looking at things with a new perspective, and tells Benedict to stay for a dance. We get the lovely moment where the Bridgertons and Sharmas engage in the country dance. Benedict first dances with Eloise, looking quite happy, and this may be the first time Eloise is happy to be dancing as well. Benedict's next partner is Hyacinth, followed by Violet. I love that he dances with his two younger siblings and his mother, because it just shows how much he does care for his family, ultimately seeking them out more than the others in the room. This is only the second time in the show that we see Benedict dancing in full clarity, and it's such a wonderful moment, one of my favorites from the series. When the Bridgertons learn why no one is at the ball following the Whistledown paper arriving, Benedict looks worried for his sister and his family in the background. When Eloise runs from the room, he and Colin exchange worried looks, and when Anthony goes as well, Benedict turns to him, lifting his arms in question of exactly what is happening.
This is the last we see of Benedict before the season two finale, and while he didn't necessarily have a lot of screen time here, the time he does have is telling. Benedict's word for this episode is "perspective." We learn that Benedict is always taking perspective into consideration when working on his art, but also that perhaps Benedict's perspective on his family and brother is a bit wider than we originally thought. We learn in this episode that Benedict suspected Anthony's feelings for Kate all along, and we also see him being a bit more privy to the fact that Violet's plans to right the family's reputation may not work they way they wish it to. It's Benedict who finally gets Anthony to see things differently, if only for a moment, and in turn, it's because of Benedict that the Bridgertons and Sharmas have a mere moment of pleasure when they all dance together. It's a lovely notion that Benedict is kind of a harbinger of joy in that sense. But as we enter the finale, we do so with the awareness that Benedict's happiness as we've seen it the last three episodes is fleeting.
Tomorrow is the very last day of our Benedict focused rewatch, and I really don't have words to explain how crazy it is that we're so close to having more Benedict scenes to break down soon! And who knows... we may be merely eight episodes away from meeting Sophie! Even if Benedict himself doesn't meet her yet. See everyone tomorrow for "The Viscount Who Loved Me."
Best Benedict quote from this episode: "Things may seem bleak now, Brother. But if I'm learning anything from my art studies, it's that it is almost always a matter of... perspective. I look at my art, and if I do not like what I see, I may always alter the color palette, but I certainly do not toss the entire design aside. Perhaps you, too, could do the same in your own life."

Hi everyone, I'm getting rid of some items from my collection that I haven't used in a while/don't see myself ever playing. Everything is CIB unless noted. Shipping is free for anything over $25, otherwise it'll be $5. I am only taking FF. For consoles & larger items, I'll split shipping halfway.
I will be shipping via the cheapest method, if you would like a specific carrier or method of shipping, I can send a quote for the difference in cost.

Game	Info	Price
Consoles & Accessories
Genesis controllers	Various 3rd party, multitap, arcade stick	$5
Genesis power cable	MK-2103	$15
Genesis RF Cable		$2
Dreamcast RF cable		$2
Sega CD Model 2	loose with power cable	$150
Sega CD Model 2	CIB	$300
Generic N64 USB Controller		$5
SNES
Actraiser	loose https://imgur.com/a/1qOugTW	$35
Arkanoid	SEALED	$73
Demon's Crest	loose	$155
Demon's Crest	still has seal from blockbuster on https://imgur.com/a/SkWWcZ3	$500
Final Fantasy Mystic Quest	Mint	$105
Incantaion		$510
Mega Man X	first print	$125
Robocop vs Terminator		$115
Super Metroid	First print, Includes poster https://imgur.com/a/HFmsDM1	$330
Xardion	loose	$35
Zombies Ate My Neighbors		$108
N64
Crusin USA	loose	$15
Diddy Kong Racing	loose	$30
Diddy Kong Racing		$95
Ogre Battle 64	loose	$98
Resident Evil 2		$130
Star Fox 64	tear on front of box, no rumble or insert	$62
Tony Hawk Pro Skater	loose	$12
Gameboy & GBC
Adventure Island II	loose	$25
The Flash		$70
Interstellar Assault	loose	$35
James Bond 007		$70
Woody Woodpecker	Graded 9.0 A+	$295
Gameboy Advance
Castlevania Double Pack	Graded 8.5 A+	$400
Final Fantasy I & II Dawn of Souls	Missing cart holder https://imgur.com/a/beVqX9X	$48
Mario Tennis Power Tour	SEALED	$120
Mega Man Battle Network 4 Blue Moon	no cart holder https://imgur.com/a/wT3aBYu	$95
Mega Man Battle Network 4 Red Sun		$98
Mega Man Zero 2		$95
Ninja Five-O	loose, label damage https://imgur.com/a/81gCA0b	$325
Rebelstar Tactical Command	SEALED	$89
Sonic Advance 3		$77
DS
Ace Attorney Apollo Justice	SEALED	$105
Bleach the 3rd Phantom	SEALED https://imgur.com/a/ZZi8Wb6	$150
Chibi Robo: Park Patrol	SEALED	$95
Children of Mana	SEALED	$75
Chrono Trigger	loose https://imgur.com/a/hxKCrOR	$73
Chrono Trigger	CIB	$120
Dragon Quest IX	loose	$36
Magicians Quest	Loose	$140
Mario & Luigi: Bowsers Inside Story	SEALED https://imgur.com/a/1GoouU3	$60
Mario & Luigi Partners in Time	SEALED	$140
Mega Man Battle Network 5 Double Team	Graded 85+	$200
Monster Tale	SEALED https://imgur.com/a/yMlHxGf	$100
Pokemon Conquest	loose	$62
Pokemon Conquest		$105
Pokemon Soulsilver	loose	$122so
Sonic Colors	SEALED https://imgur.com/a/Hcukcvz	$40
Zelda: Spirit Tracks	Loose	$55
3DS
3DS & DS lot Battle of Giants Dragons, Brain Age, Brain Age 2, Club Penguin Herberts Revenge, Flash Focus, LEGO Batman 2, Ninja Turtles, Puzzle Quest, Sonic Colors, Touchmaster 2	All loose	$43
Gamecube
Phantasy Star Online Episode I&II Plus		$190
Pokemon Colosseum	loose	$127
Ribbit King	no manual	$160
Spawn: Armageddon	SEALED	$87
Super Mario Sunshine	loose https://imgur.com/a/LnzMttT	$30
Viewtiful Joe	SEALED	$100
Viewtiful Joe 2	SEALED	$80
Zelda Collector's Edition	https://imgur.com/a/n2cr9Fx	$66
Wii
Kirby’s Epic Yarn	SEALED https://imgur.com/a/v0L7KL5	$35
No More Heroes 2	SEALED	$32
Resident Evil 4	SEALED	$35
Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles	https://imgur.com/a/L9fp8v2	$35
Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles	no manual, https://imgur.com/a/L9fp8v2	$9
Rune Factory Frontier		$35
Master System
Miracle Warriors		$48
Genesis
LOT 1, Earthworm Jim, Garfield caught in the act, Krustys fun house, monopoly	all loose, some have label wear https://imgur.com/a/xDt7jtC	$30
LOT 2, College Football USA 97, NBA Live 96, World Series Baseball 95	All CIB	$25
Arcus Odyssey	No Manual	$155
Batman	no manual	$90
Battletoads Double Dragon	Loose	$22
Bimini Run	No manual	$35
Captain America	no manual	$45
Contra Hard Corps	No manual	$98
Crusader of Centy	loose, former rental, super glue on back screws	$445
Double Dragon 3	loose	$12
Eternal Champions	loose	$6
Fire Shark	No manual	$58
Ghouls N Ghosts	No manual	$60
Gunstar Heroes	no manual https://imgur.com/a/Tg7fYyP	$120
Jeopardy	SEALED	$30
Landstalker	Loose, sharpie on label	$24
The Lost Vikings	SEALED, cart is loose	$180
Mega Turrican	no manual	$140
Pac-Mania		$26
Predator 2		$60
The Punisher		$350
Red Zone	No manual	$63
Robocop vs Terminator	no manual	$55
Shadow Dancer Secret of Shinobi	no manual	$48
Shining force II		$150
Spider-Man X-Men Arcade's Revenge		$24
Sonic the Hedgehog		$30
Sunset Riders	no manual	$90
Time Killers	no manual	$125
Toki Going Ape Spit	no manual	$56
Ultimate Qix	No Manual	$55
Zombies Ate My Neighbors	no manual	$42
Zombies Ate My Neighbors	loose	$21
Sega CD
Adventures of Willy Beamish	loose	$10
Bram Stoker's Dracula	Manual only has cover https://imgur.com/a/Fo4IyXY	$10
Dungeon Master II Skullkeep		$40
Ecco The Dolphin		$35
Ground Zero Texas		$16
Joe Montana's NFL Football		$6
Lunar the Silver Star	https://imgur.com/a/lh9n8Lt	$200
Midnight Raiders	loose	$9
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers		$24
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers	Graded 8.5 A+	$220
NHL 94	loose	$5
Novastorm		$140
Robo Aleste	No manual	$106
Sewer Shark	loose	$5
Stellar Fire	loose	$7
Supreme Warrior	SEALED	$100
Vay	Some wear on manual & case https://imgur.com/a/f3Bgb3v	$120
32x
Kolibri	No Manual	$220
Night Trap		$100
Saturn
Enemy Zero	Generic disc sleeves https://imgur.com/a/yyV6NNg	$155
Panzer Dragoon		$73
Panzer Dragoon II Zwei	loose https://imgur.com/a/MJ2jhw5	$47
Dreamcast
Gameshark CDX	loose	$4
D+vine[Luv]	disc & manual	$2
Illbleed	SEALED	$420
Industrial Spy: Operation Espionage	SEALED	$125
Maken X	SEALED	$70
Marvel vs Capcom	loose	$54
Marvel vs Capcom 2	loose	$110
Q*Bert	SEALED	$40
Sports Jam	SEALED	$70
Star Wars Demolition	SEALED	$50
PS1
The Adventures of Lomax		$210
Alundra	loose	$64
Alundra 2		$40
Beyond the Beyond		$50
Bloody Roar 2	loose	$30
Breath of Fire IV	loose	$56
Castlevania Symphony of the Night	loose	$70
Contra Legacy of War		$20
Dino Crisis 2	loose	$59
Doom	longbox	$72
Einhander	Loose	$85
Elemenetal Gearbolt	https://imgur.com/a/EuSfZYc	$225
Evil Zone	loose	$20
Fear Effect	No manual https://imgur.com/a/rUqjVfW	$25
Fighter Maker	SEALED	$55
Final Fantasy Tactics	loose	$15
Final Fantasy VII	GH https://imgur.com/a/Wj98fSs	$38
Final Fantasy VIII	SEALED (GH)	$60
Hellboy Asylum Seeker	SEALED	$125
Kartia	loose	$35
Koudelka	SEALED, https://imgur.com/a/1NNkrll	$430
Lunar Silver Star Story	loose, game discs	$60
Lunar 2 Eternal Blue	Case, 4 discs, & map	$120
Master of Monsters	SEALED	$70
MDK		$19
Mega Man X6	SEALED, black label	$115
Mortal Kombat Trilogy	loose	$25
Parasite Eve 2	https://imgur.com/a/B189quy	$112
Persona 2 Eternal Punishment	No bonus disc	$350
Point Blank 3	SEALED	$80
Raiden Project	loose	$23
Rascal	SEALED, some wear	$38
Resident Evil 2	loose	$30
Resident Evil 2		$49
Star Ocean The Second Story	No manual	$40
Strider 2	both discs, loose	$62
Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo	loose	$17
Tactics Ogre	Loose, has rental stickers on top	$60
Thousand Arms	loose	$85
TigerShark	SEALED https://imgur.com/a/9ANOk4Y	$20
Tomba		$135
Tomba	SEALED, promo copy w/ drill hole	$435
Treasures of the Deep	loose	$6
Vagrant Story		$95
Vandal Hearts 2		$90
Xenogears	https://imgur.com/a/OXTu3gy	$140
PS2
Big Mutha Truckers		$8
Blood Will Tell		$380
Bloody Roar 4	loose	$62
The Fast & the Furious	SEALED	$35
Fatal Frame II		$92
Family Guy Video Game		$25
Grand Theft Auto III	SEALED, https://imgur.com/a/neMZAcO	$15
Gungrave	loose	$35
Incredible Hulk Ultimate Destruction		$25
Jak 3		$8
Mana Khemia: Alchemists of Al Revis Premium Box Set	Graded, 9.4 A+	$240
Medal of Honor Vanguard	no manual	$5
Need for Speed most wanted	no manual	$11
Parappa The Rapper 2	no manual	$68
Rule of Rose	No manual	$550
Silent Hill 3	no manual	$150
Silent Hill 4 The Room		$140
The Warriors	loose	$47
PS3
Eye of Judgement, Def Jam Rapstar, DJ Hero 1 & 2, PES 2011 lot		$13
Digimon All Star Rumble	no manual	$20
Xbox
Conker: Live & Reloaded	loose	$30
Def Jam Fight for NY	no manual	$97
Godzilla Destroy all Monsters Melee	no manual	$75
Marvel vs Capcom 2	no manual	$106
Mortal Kombat Armageddon	no manual	$30
(360) Digimon All Star Rumble	no manual	$13
(360) Halo Reach	SEALED, white label https://imgur.com/a/nQ4aaBY	$37
(360) Metal Gear Solid V Phantom Pain	SEALED, Day one edition	$15
Other
(PC) Half Life Game of the year edition		$12
(PSP) Final Fantasy IV	SEALED	$55
(PSP) Gungnir	SEALED	$85
(PSP) Star Wars Force Unleashed	loose	$3
Boxes & Manuals Only
(NES) Widget	Box	$73
(NES) Mighty Final Fight	Cut box & case	$88
(SNES) Ignition Factor	Box	$25
(SNES) Lufia II	Box	$150
(SNES) Shadowrun	Box (has wear)	$60
(SNES) Star Trek the Next Generation	Box & manual (has wear)	$20
(N64) Mario Party	box, one flap is torn	$40
(GC) Pokemon XD	Case https://imgur.com/a/xaoZwWN	$40
(SCD) Dark Wizard	case	$35
(Dreamcast) - Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike	Case	$40
(PS1) Tomba	Case	$40
Guides
(SNES) Earthbound	no scratch n sniff	$210
(PC) World of Warcraft Dungeon Companion		$2
(DC) Power Stone		$22
(PS1) Driver 2		$10
(PS1) Wild Arms 2	w/ poster	$45
(PS2) 007 Everything or Nothing		$7
(PS2) Nano Breaker	BradyGames, new in plastic	$15
(PS2) Project Snowblind	BradyGames	$11
(PS2) Samurai Warriors	Prima	$3
(PS2) Splinter Cell Pandora Tomorrow	Prima	$3
(Xbox) Thief Deadly Shadows	Prima	$10

I’m a first time mom, and I’m really struggling right now with this transition. I need help/advice from other seasoned parents.
My 11.5 month old started naturally weaning from her bottles a little over a week ago. She’s only eating 2oz of milk when she wakes up in the morning after a 12 hour stretch of sleep.. and total for the day maybe 11-12 oz? Should I just go straight into breakfast when she wakes up now? I feel like the bottle affects to amount of food she’s actually consuming and she’s not even eating much of the bottle anyways.
We do 3 meals a day and recently just incorporated 2 snacks. At this point she wants nothing to do with bottles of milk or formula. I think my biggest concern right now is that she’s not getting enough calories. Since I’ve never had a baby or been around them before, I don’t know how much solids she needs to consume to make her full? Half of it ends up in her bib and on the floor so I never know how much she’s actually consuming, and the videos of BLW babies online show them absolutely demolishing their plates.
Is this normal? To not want milk or formula? She drinks 6-7oz of water a day from her straw cup. If she’s refusing bottles then chances are she’s not starving, right? Ugh 🥲
She turns 1 on the 29th and her well check isn’t until the 8th of June so I can’t really ask her ped these questions for a few more weeks.

I'm a long-time player who joined before the NG+ update. I had every perk by then and I played till my fifth NG+, cleared out the Orc Horde on Impossible then stopped for about a year before coming back with the new wave of updates - I've obtained every encounter-related achievement now and my achievement completion is at 97%, while my NG+ bonus is +1311% caps and +131,1% all resources.
These are my thoughts on what prestiges (or "legacy perks") are the best.
S Tier:

• Architecture of Titans - This building singlehandedly takes care of your wood and stone needs - including caps! - and also provides a dramatic output of tools, copper and iron. It's completely worth the 60 fame and a satisfying reward for beating one of the lategame bosses.
  
• Ministry of Interior - Like the Titan Work Area, but for gold and research. And it comes with extra population and supplies, as well as crystals indirectly through the extra professors. Only caveat is that it costs materials and supplies to build.
  
• Guild of Craftsmen - A must for the earlygame when the production of tier 2 resources is directly competing with your tier 1. It will fall off for the individual tier 2 buildings later on but it's still the first building you want to go for whenever you unlock the feudal age.
  
• Craftsmen - Tier 2 resources will be one of your main bottlenecks throughout the game, and these perks provide bigger and bigger boosts to them. After Craftsmen III it stops boosting tier 2 to instead boost natronite and saltpeter, which is less crucial to have.
  
• Shopkeepers and Breeders - This boosts tools, cows and horses. While the latter two are nice to have for extra money at the market in a pinch, it's tool production that puts this perk above other resource multipliers like Enhanced Axes and Irrigation Techniques. Tools will be a recurring bottleneck from the early game all the way to the lategame, and it's always a good idea to get more.
  
• Deep Pockets - We're here to remind you about possibly life's greatest joy of all: MONEY!
  

A Tier:

• Machines of Gods - Like a lite version of Titan Workshop focusing exclusively on tools, copper and iron. It's unlocked later and is less cost efficient, but certainly helps.
  
• Powered Weapons - This buffs your units starting from primitive spearmen all the way to artillery and line infantry. The early perks are the most important to get as they make your cheap, easy to spam units all the more effective.
  
• Enhanced Axes, Irrigation Techniques, Renowned Stonemasons - These are the best way to boost your base resources until you can afford deep runs and beat the Sleeping Titan. Worth noting that Enhanced Axes and Renowned Stonemasons lead to Woodworking and Stonemasons, whereas Grain Storage is already unlocked at the start.
  
• Regional Market - MONEY! You can think of these as a second bank. Probably the best use for your first coin.
  
• Resource Caps - These are vital for early afk play. This line starts weak but gets stronger and stronger. It synergizes greatly with the NG+ plus bonus, though said bonus also means you can just take the boosted caps from base buildings and make do without this perk. Though it should remain very relevant in your first few NG+ runs.
  
• Ministry of War, Ministry of Worship - Both of these greatly simplify core aspects of the game, army and magic respectively, with extra army cap, food cap, faith and mana. Ministry of War turns arquebusiers into one of the best units in the game, and Ministry of Worship grants extra lucky stones, and both of them come with extra jobs and population. The reason they aren't S tier is that in the lategame you can get enough army cap to clear every encounter (at least on normal) and enough mana to have all spells turned on even without these ministries, whereas the extra research and gold always stays paramount.
  
• Clever Villagers - The thing with research output is that it's not your main limiter until it is. When you have the other resources' production down, make sure to not neglect this perk.
  
• Library of Theresmore - This provides a nice boost to most ancient era resources. With 5 of these libraries you have a +10% bonus, which would've cost way more in fame if you were getting all the various Enhanced Axes, Deep Pockets, Strengthening Faith, etc. and you can comfortably afford up to 10 libraries.
  
• Monastic Orders - I agree with u/AGDude's description that "all of the boosts it provides make life just a little bit easier". It also has a lenient price scaling.
  
• Strengthening Faith - This lets you produce more mana and faith which lets you unlock spells faster. Affording an extra spell can be as good as affording an extra perk, or better. It's also a must if you like using Battle Angels or rely on Zenix Familiars.
  

B tier:

• Zenix Familiar - These are cheap, immortal scouts who cannot discover new nations and run on mana rather than gold or supplies. And they give you research. The fact they cannot discover civilizations may seem like a drawback at first, but it also means no splash screen will pop up and block your autoclicker if you've left that on the explore button (there's some exceptions, like the Forest of Markanat and the Demoness Castle).
  
• Hall of Wisdom - More or less like an extra school. Handy although Machines of Gods is a better use for your first Tome of Wisdom.
  
• Stock Resources - These are the equivalent of a few houses, farms and lumberjacks for free at start, which is an appreciated boost.
  
• Gift of Nature, Gift of the Creators - Also a small initial boost, this time in direct production. Lets you get a few buildings up faster.
  
• Rampart - Another good use for a coin. It's like a second wall that costs more but gives you extra fame every run.
  
• Enhanced Pickaxes - I find copper to never be a bottleneck and for iron to very rarely be, but it's handy to invest some points into these, especially if your army strategy is to spam warriors and heavy warriors.
  
• Fortune Teller, Soothsayer, etc. (Lucky Stone perks) - Nice to have, particularly if your strategy relies on getting that extra upgrade from luck buildings.
  
• Ancient Vault - A multi-purpose storage which unlike the rest of the category also raises your gold, research, faith and mana cap. Building 14 of them is fairly affordable and equals getting Ancient Treasury I and II + Service to Gods I and II.
  
• Ancient Treasury - Extra gold cap can be hard to come by in the early game. That said you will mainly rely on vaults and natronite buildings to get the cap high enough for the coin.
  
• Grain Storage, Stonemason, Woodworking - Grain Storage is good in the very early game where every bit of extra food counts - whether it's to send out more attacks, or to free up one worker from food production to something else. I find Stonemason and Woodworking to not be worth bothering with, as at my current NG+ level I can reach Architecture of Titans in fewer runs than it takes to unlock them, but they aren't bad per se.
  
• Elysian Field - This helps militarily even if you don't rely on Battle Angels. It's one of the few ways to significantly raise the food cap, and more stockpiled food means you can send the army out to attack more times per sitting. Besides that they have a niche use in getting the achievement for 15 Altars of Sacrifices, but that's very late game.
  
• Titanic Walls - These walls give you extra fame and - surprisingly - tier 2 resources. But due to how costly they are it's less of a "I must get this immediately" and more of a "When I'm already swimming in tier 2 resouces and fame, I can build these to get even more"
  
• Militia Recruitment - Like a second, more cost-efficient barracks with some added settlement defense.
  
• Free Hands - An average pick, not as good as others. You're better off boosting population through the various buildings you unlock progressing the game.
  
• Army of Men - Also average. The late perks are very powerful and they can help squeeze in just enough soldiers for a tough lategame boss on higher difficulties, but most encounters do not come down to ten extra soldiers and even when they do it's usually a problem of recruitment cost and upkeep rather than army caps.
  
• Battle Angel, Seraphim - Some people swear by them but I don't use these much as early game I have other uses for faith and mana and lategame they fall behind other units. It's pretty fun to summon a battle angel just to clear a cellar full of rats, though.
  

C tier:

• Monument, Heirlooms - A basically-free building at start with some minor assorted bonuses. The bonuses aren't very impactful, despite being costlier than Stock Resources and Gift of Nature, but I like to get one every reset because they need to be unlocked one at a time, so I can have the full collection when it's time for the next NG+.
  
• Service to Gods - Extra faith and mana cap doesn't do much besides affording you an extra level of the Fortune Grove (but you can just get the Fortune Teller line). It's pretty satisfying to clear the Mausoleum of Gods in one, two clicks on faith and mana though.
  
• Charism - I haven't done the actual math and whether at some point a boost to fame might be more efficient than getting the other perks to achieve faster runs, but I only grab this perk when I have fame to spare or have already bought the higher tiers.
  
• Hall of the Dead - Extra population would be handy but this building scales terribly, especially in the tool cost. It's worth to build a few, but you get far more value out of ministries, where population isn't even the main selling point.
  
• Undead Herds - Unless you like cavalry or are trying to get the 15 Altars of Sacrifices achievement, this is not that useful besides for freeing up some workers from the breeder job.
  
• Strong Workers - I hardly ever bother with resource clicking beyond my very first run. There may be some strats that involve building up a stockpile of stone, wood and food during the ancient era before researching feudalism (which removes the buttons), but in my experience in Theresmore the best use for an autoclicker is clicking 15 times on the wall button until it's built.
  
• Spikes and Pits - Uuuuh... neat to have? The best way to deal with enemy nations is by taking them out before they can even attack, and building an army strong enough to pass the age bosses is best done through the other perks. The later upgrades cost relics and buff the Juggernaut.
  
• Shieldbearer, Priest, Juggernaut, Ancient Balor - I never use tanks as the unit's purpose seems sorta defeated. They are meant to be low-attack, high defense frontliners but they are weak to shock which is the most damaging unit type and is very common amongst encounters. Shoutout to Ancient Balor for producing steel and helping me clear out the Orc Horde Assault on Deity, and Religious Colony-boosted Priests are hilarious.
  
• Coin Mercenary, White Company- Mercenaries cost only gold and die before the rest of the shock units. Canava Guard are slightly tankier (but still shock) mercenaries, White Company are offense-focused ranged units. They can accrue a respectable amount of boosts if you get all the Mercenary Agreements perks, but there are better uses for your gold, coins and fame. With that said, if you have Coin Mercenary and White Company you unlock the perk to recruit Cpt Gallard (who gives you gold) and after that you get another perk which unlocks a questline with a new building and new encounters.
  

D Tier:

• Mercenary Agreements - I just don't bother with these unless I'm trying to 100% the perk list. Mercenaries are simply too costly for me to consider.

F tier:

• Weapons of the Titan - Compared to the other titans upgrades it's a complete waste of 60 fame points. The units it boosts aren't my cup of tea for the endgame, either, as crossbowmen and heavy infantry outclass arquebusiers and men at arms once you defeat Nikharul and rebuild the fortress.

Thank you to those who have engaged in various discussions over the past few weeks about the presence/behavior of cis men in this sub. Based on your input, we've made the following changes - please see further down this post for a discussion of each change and how it'll improve this sub (TLDR is below, longer explanation is under that).
TLDR OF THE CHANGES:

1. We are changing the "Women and NB only" flair to say "Not seeking cis male perspectives" as to be more inclusive to our trans male sub members, who we value and are of course welcome here. We are adding a rule called "Be mindful of perspective" to clarify the purpose of this flair, and anyone found violating this rule will have their comment deleted and the user will be muted from the sub for a month. We have set up the automod to add a pinned comment to the top of any post/thread with the "Not seeking cis male perspectives" flair to explain the rule and the consequences for breaking it. Posts without this flair won't have the automod comment.
2. This sub will no longer appear on all, popular, or other high-traffic aggregation pages. It will, however, still be suggested to people following similar subs (climbing, for example) but we are open to changing that if needed and have the sub no longer be recommended to people following similar subs.
3. Anyone who tries to post/comment in this sub after having been banned from another sub will automatically have their comment held for moderation.
4. We have not done this yet, but if needed, will set up the "crowd control" filter such that if anyone with negative karma in this sub or no post history in this sub tries to comment/post, it'll be held for moderation.

RATIONALE BEHIND THE CHANGES:
This sub was created by and for people who are specifically seeking perspectives other than the ones we encounter most likely in climbing (both online and offline). As the sub has gotten bigger and more "discoverable", many more cis males have been participating in conversations. Some cis male contributors approach from a place of respectful curiosity, seeking to understand the perspectives of the women in their lives. Others, however, have decided to use this space to unload their grievances about gender dynamics, inclusion, beta-spraying, sexual assault, dating/relationships, etc in a way that is not only unproductive, but also harmful to members of our community. This is unacceptable and cannot continue.
The extreme step would be to make our sub entirely private, requiring users to be verified (which is something other subs on Reddit do when faced with similar issues). However, this step comes with its own set of disadvantages. We want to ensure the people for whom this sub was created are still able to find it. Also, we as a mod team work full-time and don't have unlimited time/energy to do all the things necessary to make a sub private and require verification. This step is not completely off the table but we're holding off on it for now.
We recognize there's diversity within our community: some users absolutely do not for any reason want cis male perspectives in the comments of their posts. Others are open to it, as long as commenters are respectful/coming from a place of learning. The "Not seeking cis male perspectives" flair is thus optional. We will follow the lead of OPs and moderate strictly when OPs do choose to use this flair. We also think decreasing the number of non-climber cis males this page is suggested to will decrease the brigading, harassment, commenting from people who have never read the rules & don't care at all about our sub, and other antisocial behavior.
We hope the changes above will result in a material, concrete decrease in the number of inappropriate comments from cis men and an increased feeling of safety, warmth, and community for everyone else. We value this space and appreciate all who work to make it a positive one. Please send us modmail anytime with suggestions or feedback.

I am new to this mbti and enneagram stuff, but I did look into cognitive functions a bit but I still am not sure which fit me, it might be because I am still pretty new. This is mostly a hobby for when I am bored and want to think, because I like to play with outside systems like this.
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I am 16 years old, male , just your average quiet teenager that sucks at introspecting and wants to look cool to others yet does nothing to impress others (other than looks)
that sounded oddly specific.,.....
whatever
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
not really, not that I know of..
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
I grew up in a poor family (duh), then just like your average adult couple they divorce, usually I'd stay a lot with my mother and she would teach me about morals which I now see some as stupid but either way I kind of "took" her morals and my dad's too. Kind of had to grew up early and take care of my smaller brother by substituting being a dad , and I have a lot of influence over my brother , and we would switch places a lot but the only comfort I had was in games, interacting with others on the games ,making fun of others and overall having a good time being accepted
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
At the moment I have no job, I do karate and I could teach others but I don't have the stuff necessary like: a place to train others, I am not at the highest level yet, customers and this is mostly the main things.
But I would really like to continue on this path of gym and karate since I already have an edge and kind of be under someone's wing to help me
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
Mostly depends, on my mood sometimes I despise being alone and feel miserable being alone with my thoughts(and is mostly why I spend a lot of time on my computer despite not wanting to do so) or if the people in my circle kind of make me have a bad time then I would want to withdraw and get my energy back , usually I am very loud after I get comfortable with the other person and know what they are capable of
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
Like I said above I do Karate , I recently reached the brown belt ( YIPPPIE me) and me and the outdoors have a bad history but as of now I prefer to have a balance of both but mostly I would like to focus on real life things, especially when it comes to careers
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I am not too curious of stuff that is deep , it makes me feel miserable, but usually I get random questions sometimes and it makes me search , but not too deep into it just enough to have the idea cause I see no point in diving deeper. Usually when I even get these questions is from either talking out loud or just looking around me so it's mostly environmental (I think not too sure of this)
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
The only time I like leading is when I have knowledge and know I am the best to do it, if someone else is better then I'll let them do their thing but usually I wouldn't fully obey them I would kind of give some counter-arguments if there is room for some.
Even when I lead, others do listen to me and usually I am confident in doing it, kind of like that one quote of Sun Tzu:" Go to war only if you know you will win" , which my friend told me recently.
As for the style not too sure what it would really reference, but I would say I think of people as cogs in the machine
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
Not too sure what to say on the "coordination" part but I for sure love working with my hands, especially when I cook for myself or others, and like I already mentioned I do karate so of course I like practicing with my hands improving my technique
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
no I am not artistic at all , I don't really look into it at all since I don't consider it worthwhile but as a kid I did like drawing cause I was good at it and I got recognition for my drawings from other classmates and that would fuel me to make me like drawing cause the teacher liked it, others too and yeah.. Untill it kind of stopped receving the feedback and such
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
I don't like to think of the past too much , especially when I think of myself, it's mostly negative things but I try to see the bright side of what I've achieved and such, because I wasn't healthy (even now I feel like I am not healthy but it's clearly better), I used to be chubby kind of fat , and before getting into karate I did handball where we trained physical condition and other things , and we had to do sit ups but due to me being fat I couldn't and others looked at me and started joking even the trainer and because of that I quit..
The present could be good but I am indifferent towards it I don't really work towards anything specific I like to remain a little reactive and eventually get help from others into shaping my future life.
And like I said I try to remain reactive of the present, I don't like planning too far ahead because it could be too early to plan and there might be more to do
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I don't get asked for help frequently but it's either I help the person because I see they are struggling or they asked me and it goes two ways: 1. I agree and do the job or 2. I tell them "no" and go back to what I was doing (eventually feeling guilty I didn't help but I don't like being used for other's advantage)
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Yeah , it's pretty important people shouldn't only run on feelings but kind of fit some systems into some kind of framework, not really think about it 24/7, but make sense of it that is how I like to do it.
Even with this system of cognitive functions I try to understand it but sometimes it's a bit too abstract, I prefer more practical examples to fully understand the idea behind it
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
Not too much but not too less, usually I prefer it to not be feeling sad that I am "closed off somewhere" and not doing something, isolated from the world , especially with no computer atleast to go on the internet and joke around and chill with others(but of on a common task or else I will mind my business).
But I strive to be efficient in what I do over time , even if it's for a game that is pointless
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
Simply no, I never was able to do this exactly , well maybe after I get to know the person a bit and see what they could do.... but I am not.
Also just read what controlling others mean , and I could see myself taking charge and just doing everything myself....
But I still feel like I don't, but I can see how I could, but I won't because I don't have the skill and it wouldn't be good
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Well probably just ,out of boredoom, playing games but not a wide variety which gets boring quick but familiarity bias is a thing.. and doing karate which energizes me almost everytime and anytime even if I don't feel like it and force myself. I just like when it goes well with others it and being liked by others, energizes me
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
To be honest I didn't really pay attention to how I learn I just learn to get good grades in school and make it, yeah not too much here but I struggle with things that don't really add up to me or I don't see the logic behind
Usually I don't need explanations from the teacher I kind of tend to see the logic behind everything mostly without asking much information since some subjects have systems that are easily to juggle with(like math but I sometimes struggle with calculating in my head)
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I try to simplify strategizing, yes having a plan in depth is good but people for sure won't like if you are gonna stick to one rigid plan , which is why you have to make it kind of like a team thing even if I do make a rigid plan I try to make it sound simple and to the point based of data that others and I know, even making decision off the data my group knows
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
Probably to feel happy I achieved something and doing something in the outside world, eventually influencing others
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
Mostly personal stuff , and emotional situations, my emotional inteligence is bad and I am bad at emotions too, atleast handling the emotions of others, but sometimes I try to let them vent to me and help them a bit and try to be empathetic even tho I don't show it too much, mostly I show it through acting tho
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
Positive outlook on life, relationships are well but I don't worry about them too much unless there is an obvious problem and really liking to hang around others, and especially having something going on for myself
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
the first thing that comes to my mind is: withrdawn, melancholy and just starting to critique everyone in my head but not really telling them, yeah sometimes I may start bluntly joking about other's and stuff and even situtations, I try to poke fun and when it kind of fails I feel like withdrawing from others since it doesn't work Melancholy litteraly makes me feel miserable about everything, mostly makes me feel depressed. I do tend to feel it often but I try to supress it trough doing things, like playing on the computer , youtube and such (everyone does this to some extent)
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I find myself daydreaming when bored and not really anything is going on but I do tend to be mindful of what others do in case they try to harm me...
But even if I daydream it's mostly about what everything could have been, kind of like what I could have done or what I could do and how it would end up/ ended up, but it does happen quite a lot
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
Not too sure if I would ever get there but thinking out loud here so , probably about some random stuff in my head unrelated to my situations untill one thought hits close to home and I go into some deeper stuff , and usually when I get deeper into things I tend to feel miserable, my friend (who is INTJ btw) said that my negative depressing thoughts that I hate match the thinking of the philosophy of "Nihilism" which is kind of true....
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I try and not stay too long on it but sometimes I might run back and forth if I am not too sure, but I try to stay decisive , because being indecisive a lot is bad..
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I kind of look down on emotions , yes I feel them but I just tend to ignore and repress them sometimes, but I vent to closer friends from time to time, but this is mostly because my parents would misinterpret my emotions...
My mom would just over moralify everything and bring it to a stupid extreme which is unrelated..
and My dad would just make fun of them , but sometimes he would give me spot on answers which are exactly what I need
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Not really , even if I do it's in a way to shut off the conversation, because I don't like having conversation with no point
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don't really mind rules , but I don't pay attention to them too much(because no need to worry if you don't go out of your way to try something that could count as "breaking the rules") mostly to the general ones which could punish you very harshly but overtime they could be exploited and I do that when I am confident I won't be caught or it won't punish me
I also took the mbti test from Michael Caloz site (I saw people doing this one a lot so I figured I might give it a try for this post :D)
statistics of functions
the top result (followed by ESTP and then ESTJ, in that order)
I saw other posts also mentioning this, and I figured I would too
I took this test a bit rushed cause I needed to do something..

I’m (22f) 5’6 and have been between 200 and 206 for the last 2, 3 weeks while on a calorie deficit. Before that I lost a steady amount, my initial weight was 220. I have no idea why I’m not losing (and even gaining) since I’m tracking strictly and eating a lot of frozen meals, which aren’t the healthiest I know but I like them because of the easy to log calorie counts. I also do high intensity walk/ run intervals for like half an hour each day too (trying to build up to run a 5k, making great progress!)
I’m going to include an example of my food logs from yesterday, if anyone can tell me where I may be going wrong here I’d appreciate it! I know this isn’t healthy food btw, I’m just trying to get my calories nailed down starting out and then will make healthier food choices going forward (if I do too much at once it’s hard to stick to it). Also I have a food scale I use too so counts should be accurate. Thanks!
Calorie goal: 1380, food: 1289, exercise calories burned: 260.
Breakfast/ lunch: 740. (Cantina chicken bowl from Taco Bell, one Cinnabon delight, naval orange)
Dinner: 430 (red baron single serve mini pizza)
Snacks: 119 (100g blackberries and 1.5 cups of skinny pop popcorn)
(Don’t usually skip breakfast or eat out, but it was a late morning lol)

I’m (22f) 5’6 and have been between 200 and 206 for the last 2, 3 weeks while on a calorie deficit. Before that I lost a steady amount, my initial weight was 220. I have no idea why I’m not losing (and even gaining) since I’m tracking strictly and eating a lot of frozen meals, which aren’t the healthiest I know but I like them because of the easy to log calorie counts. I also do high intensity walk/ run intervals for like half an hour each day too (trying to build up to run a 5k, making great progress!)
I’m going to include an example of my food logs from yesterday, if anyone can tell me where I may be going wrong here I’d appreciate it! I know this isn’t healthy food btw, I’m just trying to get my calories nailed down starting out and then will make healthier food choices going forward (if I do too much at once it’s hard to stick to it). Also I have a food scale I use too so counts should be accurate. Thanks!
Calorie goal: 1380, food: 1289, exercise calories burned: 260.
Breakfast/ lunch: 740. (Cantina chicken bowl from Taco Bell, one Cinnabon delight, naval orange)
Dinner: 430 (red baron single serve mini pizza)
Snacks: 119 (100g blackberries and 1.5 cups of skinny pop popcorn)
(Don’t usually skip breakfast or eat out, but it was a late morning lol)

I bought a couple of Gen 3 paddles from Joola about 3 weeks ago. Shortly after purchasing them, I decided to return them. I didn't use them and they're in brand new condition. I've tried calling their customer service # multiple times but it always goes straight to voicemail. I've left messages but no one calls me back. I have also emailed customer service at least 10 times. I got a response from someone named Dan Zimmerman asking me to send photos of the paddles and verification of purchase, which I did. I never heard back after that.
I'm getting ready to do a chargeback because I don't know how else to get my money back.
There is simply no excuse for customer service this bad. I own an eCom brand myself. Our "time to first response" is under 2 hours, and our "time to resolution" is under 6 hours. If those numbers ever get higher than this, we hire another rep. It's quite simple, really.
So, the only explanation for this kind of service is greed—they don't want to pay for more customer service reps. What a horrible company. I will never have anything to do with them again.

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
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As If It Were Kismet: Prologue
Matt tore through the brush, blind in the dark. He didn’t care where he was going. He only knew he needed to be elsewhere. Far from here.
Behind him a creature howled that shocked his mind. It’s form was cruel and dangerous, though female. Nothing like the young woman she had once been. Nothing but a girl, a small and slight female.
It’s guttural growls and howls only grew closer as Matt tried to pick between seeing where he was going and getting away. The few times he looked he caught sight of the creature behind him. Hopping through the air with a speed that told him he was being toyed with. As if he were a mouse being played with by a cat.
But the reflex in him to run kept him going. His adrenaline going as hard as it could. The tightness and burning in his core tensing and locking up as his legs felt like there were being burned from within while taking on more of a heaviness.
His lungs were starting to betray him as he tried to gulp big breaths of air but only rapid and shallow breaths were all that he could manage. His brain was starting to burn….and then he was falling.
Falling down the side of a hill he saw the creature dart in a spring towards him, imperceivably fast almost. Catching him in mid air it seemed.
Managing to wrap its body around him and cushion his impact against the ground as they rolled. His mind barely took in what was happening during the roll. Only starting to understand what was happening once they were still.
The creature's triple D-cup breasts were unmistakably pressed hard against his back as he laid facing up at the night sky.
For a few seconds the world stilled and the needle light pain hitting the center of his brain took over for the cooking heat his brain had felt. His whole body felt heavy and reluctant to move.
Even if he could have really moved, a dull ache came over his limbs making them feel stilled and trapped as if by immeasurable amounts of sand that had engulfed him.
Slowly the arms holding him started to move. Moving so the creature's hands could start exploring him. Causing Matt to unstoppably let out a pathetic moan that made him go cold inside as hands lifted up his shirt and started to touch his exposed stomach and then his chest.
He would have whimpered so pathetically had he not still been in the depths of terror.
As its hands felt and groped his pecs he tried to situp as if to get away. For his efforts, his reward was a hand around his throat and a collection snarls and growls against his ear. A beastly, guttural voice spat words at him while somehow holding a feminine tone.
“Don’t move….I don’t know if I can calm down…”
Her words were not helped by her moans in his ear and the subsequent kissing of his ear. The flesh of his ear going between her lips as she moaned and seemed to pant. Releasing it and licking the side of his face with a moist warmth. He could feel its spittle, viscous and coating his flesh where the tongue touched. He could smell something in his saliva. Something that subtly entranced him.
Matt went stock still with fear and the confusion of mixed arousal. He barely perceived her right hand traveling lower on his body. A surprised moan and shudder echoed in the night from Matt’s lips as she took ahold of him. Her hand above his pants but still….stimulating him.
A light squeezing and almost probing of her digits kept him aroused and confused within her grasp. Resigning himself to the strange fate, Matt looked up at the stars as his mind tried not to shatter under the strange maelstrom of events and sensation that had started mere minutes ago.
His mind was only more confused as a slight figure, feminine in build, how it seemed to thunk the ground audibly as she landed on her feet out nowhere. Her knees barely bending under the pressure of the landing. Yet dirt was kicked up anyways and some of it onto Matt. Feeling it pepper his shirt and pants as it fell.
The figure, lit only faintly by moonlight, roared some dark tone Matt could only perceive as a demon as her eyes went bright with a crimson light. A light in the darkness that should not have been. “Let him go you bitch.” Was its words following the roar. Spittle escaping its mouth with faint droplets hit Matt's face.
The creature holding him by his throat and crotch seemed to tighten the grasp of both hands as it roared back. “HE IS MINE!”
The figure paused with a moment's hesitation. He was also her quarry. She had felt his fear without him knowing. His confused arousal. His fear. His terror.
And now he laid at the center of a struggle between two monsters. Unsure of who he wanted to win.
As If It Was Kismet Ch. 1
Matthew Berkshire hadn’t seen his mom in two years. Not that he had seen her much over the last six years.
A messy divorce between messy people and mom’s chaotic want for a life in Alaska had been one of the most…upsetting times in life. Setting him up for so much of what had defined his life thus far but then that had really started two years before he ever turned.
His ear buds were basic and simple. A part of cheap five pack, common for his life as he was known to lose little things. Small things. They had a mix of metal and hard rock playing in them. Some classics, some alternative. Whatever made him feel something, anything. Even if it was hate. Anger. Rage. It was better than feeling numb. Not belonging.
The escalator down to his lone bag to go with his lone carry on showed his mom waiting for him. His had a type, that’s for damn sure. Not that it helped him in the genetics department as he was stuck at 5’9” to go along with his mother’s five foot even as his dad stood six foot. Forever leaving him to feel small, to pale, under his dad’s shadow. Did he ever stand a chance?
The guy next to her with the unkempt former seventies porn stache was “Dave.” He’d met him twice when his mother came and visited him in Florida. To his credit the guy didn’t look annoyed. Kind of concerned kind of which made Matthew want to break his frozen look but he was well practiced. Having removed any note of sadness from his face through much…tribulation.
His mother’s look on her face betrayed a hint of worry as the bruises on his face lightly showed up close. Saying his name was his like a distant echo that belonged to someone else.
Dave cut in and pulled out his right headphone. “What the hell bud, they knock you hard enough to hurt hearing? Your mom’s asking how you are doing.”
Matthew pulled out the other bud and grunted an empty “sorry.”
“You still have bruises after two week? What did they do to you?” His mom’s voice was full of worry. Something he hadn’t heard in….too long. Too long to make him feel anything. To ever make him believe there was any sincerity to her words. To not think her voice and mannerisms were an act. An act by someone who…wasn’t really there.
“It’s only fair. I took a nose. Fractured a couple orbital bones. Left one with having to get his jaw wired shut. And one will never walk right again for what I did to his knee cap.” Matthew said it all with a bored and disinterested tone. Perhaps well rehearsed.
“My man, handing out ass kickings, not bothering to take names.” Dave was quick to be the typical man’s man about it. Matthew wasn’t quite done yet. Lifting up his shirt to expose the right side near his kidney. Revealing a nasty scar from a six inch blade. “Luckily they gave me this first so they could rule it all in self-defense. The fuck didn’t get it in more than inch before I ruined his knee cap and then I took the nose of one of the fucks holding me.” Now he chose to smile keeping the well practiced dead look in his eyes.
No retorts. No questions. Just horrified looks on their faces. As he liked. As he preferred. They could hate him. They could be disgusted by him. But by God they would fear him.
“Well the doc did a good job sewing you up.” Dave commented uncomfortably. “Dissolving sutures. Ain’t they grand.” He smiled again and let it abruptly fall off his face and started walking to the carousel for the baggage claim.
Waiting and making small talk with Dave as his mother stood in silence. He was not the little boy she abandoned. The little boy she left with an angry man. While never hitting him. Left him in constant fear till he turned twelve and just didn’t care anymore. Something snapped. Broke. And he didn’t care if he died. Didn’t care if he stole. Didn’t even care if he killed. He just knew not to get caught. Something left over from his grandfather’s wisdom which came to make more and more sense with each passing year of life since that thing inside him broke.
Finally his bag came around and Dave went to try first to grab it but Dave practically leapt ahead of him. “Is that your grandfather’s rucksack bag?” his mother asked in a perplexed voice.
“Figured it’s been around since Viet Nam. So it’d serve me better than any of the worthless stuff they called luggage.” Dave commented after Matthew’s words. “Well hell yeah I still got mine from Desert Storm. You know the first one.” Dave laughed and Matthew eyed him oddly. Be it in the south or whether it was Alaska, country boys are country boys he guessed.
The car ride to the two people’s house, as Matthew thought of them. Was uneventful and full of vistas he imagined metropolitan types wetting themselves over. At most they meant isolation to him. Furtherness from the world as there were no mountains in Florida. And what mountains he had last seen in another state had been when he was eight. Another life, to Matthew it felt like. A life alien to him.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 2
Dave and his mom’s place was some two story type tucked into a tree line far up an elevated point. It was by no means the highest point in the mountain but it certainly felt up there.
Rocks were where the driveway should have been Matthew thought. Grabbing his backpack and rucksack from Dave’s jeep was no hard thing for him. Matthew was in formidable shape for someone his age, maybe even five years older. He had gotten a mix of fairly big shoulders and arms along with the chest to go for it when compared to most kids his age. A side effect of working out at least twice a day. First thing in the morning, some time in the evening, and the school’s gym when had had a good semester in school before he had to leave Florida.
Dave tried to come up and help him but Matthew walked past him towards the house. His mom was not sure what to make of his demeanor. Matthew was not the sweet kind boy he had once been. But she had been gone from his life essentially for a long time.
Ushering him into the house she cracked some joke he did not hear. He was too busy looking about and seeing a mix of old outdated decorating mixed with the strange and odd flair of his mother. Color contrasting against drab and dated. Like brightly painting over an old home that was falling apart he thought.
“Your room is this way Mattie.” His mom brightly intoned.
Without expressing any interest he followed his mother. Still faced and nonplussed. Just going along with the current. Pushed and pulled with its roll like a piece of driftwood.
The room was simple. A single small bed. A set of rubber weights with a curl bar and barbells. “Your dad said you were into weight lifting so we got you a bunch of stuff. Dave says it looks like his department’s gym almost. The woman’s smile felt very alien to him.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ve got most of my stuff from home.” Matthew starting unpacking his rucksack and pulled out cables of repetitive and mixed colors. A single plastic barbell handle. The ruck sack could be filled with water bottles for added weight during pushups he figured. Remembering a Michael Keaton movie he watched with his dad post-Batman movies where he played a convicted killer using plastic bags filled with water for weights.
Matthew caught movement outside his lone fairly large window that could let him step out onto the roof of the house given its layout.
He saw a number of people running together through what he guessed was the backyard of the property, not that it had any fences to mark boundaries
They wore clothes that looked similar yet different from each other at the same time.”Oh those are the Johnston’s. Really nice bunch of people. Been on the mountain for a long time Dave tells me.”
Matthew looked at the group of people running and noticed the lack of resemblance. “They are related?” Matthew quizzically asked. Seeing a black and possibly a hispanic person amongst the bland looking white people.
“Oh well they are all adopted but for one or two of them…besides the parents of course. The family has a long tradition of taking in orphans they say. Real nice of them to do that don’t you think.”
Matthew looked at his mother and the hosier accent made no sense to him as he arched his left eye brow. Her and his dad were both from Florida. Born and raised. Sure her parents were from New York city but…
Matthew shook his lightly without turning to look at his mother as his vision was grabbed by one of the runners in particular. A girl of moderate height. Soft brunette. A plain beauty he figured with a slim build….and lack of remarkable breasts and rear to make any note of but….girls in general were his type at his age.
She was pretty enough. He couldn’t deny that but he found himself transfixed by her visage.
But the way she turned and looked at him, especially at that distance felt very disconcerting to him. Even if she was smiling like…she was a taste of a bright shiny day. Somehow.
Matthew’s mom noticed the exchange and smiled to herself with closed lips. “Oh that’s Vicky. She’s your age I think. Very sweet girl, who does the charity functions. You know bake sales, blood drives, car washes and the like. I think you should get to know her. Might be good for you.”
A truck horn sounded a couple of beeps in rather succession. “Oh that must be Mack, he said he might come by later this evening but he seems early.”
Matthew’s mother turned and left his room. Leaving Matthew to exchange a few looks with the alluring Vicky as she turned her head away from him to talk to the others in her group and look back at him.
Still Matthew’s left eyebrow was arched. In a way that reminded him of Spock from Star Trek that he and his grandpa used to watch on some streaming service or another.
As he heard ambient chatter elsewhere outside the house he figured to check it out as the alluring sight of Vicky would be around he figured. It was dull to stare at artwork. He was a boy who preferred jet skis and the like. Something he could ride and enjoy immensely. Even if at times it got him stabbed.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 3
Matthew sauntered out of the house and down the rockway that stood in for a driveway.
A few new people had come over from what he could first surmise of the situation. As he got closer it was obvious they were indigenous people. A couple of grown men…and a girl?
She was mousey. Maybe five foot. Hiding behind glasses and a big camo jacket that was far too big for her. It looked made for a grown man and the backwards trucker hat on her head kept her long black a beautiful mess of sorts.
She was cute in a way. A little androgynous but she had a cute energy to her. She reminded him of the more tomboyish Puerto Rican girls he had gotten into back in Florida. Given the deer corpses in the back of the truck….probably more dangerous to play with given the men in her family.
Small chatter passed between the adults when the girl noticed but turned away, trying to hide the tiny hint of a smile.
“Oh Mattie, this is Mack. He works with Dave at the sheriff’s department and John, he’s with fish and wildlife.” Matthew nodded at his mom’s words with some blankness as he looked at the deer the in the back of the pickup truck.
“Gale tells us you hunted with your dad some in Florida and Georgia.” Mack offered with a light hearted laugh camouflaged by his big simple and cheery but husky way he spoke.
Looking in the back of the truck he spoke. “We used lever action thirty-thirties and Mosin Nagants in seven-six-two-fifty-four-rimmed.” Mack and John whistled in an exaggerated fashion. Leaving Matthew to wonder if they were mocking him.
Mack spoke. “Well we just used thirty-odd-six in a custom gussied Garand.” That caught Matthew’s attention. “You have a Garand…” Matthew finally demonstrated interest in anything. “My dad has an SVT-40 and a Hakim 8mm but he always wanted a Garand but was too cheap to buy one.”
Gale, his mother, chimed in loudly. “Oh his Dad loved his guns but was such an odd duck about how he bought or why he bought them. Never made sense to me how he wasn’t a collector but he didn’t get the latest and greatest.” Gale laughed uncomfortably. At least it seemed that way to Matthew.
Matthew pointed to the girl with an underhanded pointing hand. “And who is this? A cute little mute mouse or does she have a name?” Dave and the other men laughed.
Mack again spoke. “Well you people call her Rebecca, she’s my adopted daughter.” Matthew was taken aback by what he heard. “You people?”
Rebecca kindly spoke with a soft but almost melodic voice as she struggled to maintain eye contact. “White people or rather not members of our tribe. It’s just easier to appease the colonizer kind of thing. Borrowed from when the Jesuit missionaries chased us up here.”
Mack stepped in. “It’s just easier to have white people names than have them try to say our tribal names. And we don’t want them shortening or Anglicising our names kind of thing.” Rebecca stepped back into the conversation cutting off her adopted father. “It’s an insult to our history basically.”
Matthew cocked his head sideways raising his eyebrows shortly before letting them drop. “Well as soon as I’m eighteen I’m out of here and back to Florida so I’m a sort of involuntary colonizer of sorts. So I won’t be taking any of your land from you. The Seminoles on the other hand are still shit out of luck.”
Rebecca’s smile caused Matthew to reflexively smile. Mack made the moment more awkward. “See Becca, I told you someone off the reservation would like you some. You just have to be creative.” Mack laughed in a chiding manner…Matthew presumed. He sensed that he was the butt of some kind of cultural joke. Like marrying a white guy was some sort of insult or mark of shame. That kind of thing.
Rebecca turning away from him was not something he had been expecting. Her then getting in the truck in a huff left the group in a silence for a moment.
Dave spoke to break the awkward silence. “Well just bring the truck to work on Monday and leave it for me to grab up.” Mack acknowledged Dave and they started to get off as Rebecca looked at Matthew for another instance. Matthew couldn’t look away for some reason as the two seemed to lock eyes for an instance.
Till Vicky and family seemed to come jogging down the road. While Matthew’s eyes diverted from Rebecca’s. Hers did not till she realized he was looking elsewhere. And her vision found Vicky and what had been a hint of smile on her face turned glum and disappointed.
Matthew did not look away from the vision of Vicky but instead of a starry eyed fool looking longingly. It was a baffled look. Well baffled for him, with his eyes drawn narrow and night with a focus.
There was something about her…he couldn’t quite put a name too. The way she appeared to him. One second brunette. The next second blonde or blonde like. As if the color appeared in her air and disappeared in fractions of seconds. Much the same way her body almost seemed to…shift…very subtly…smoothly. A nicer bum. Larger breasts. And then back to a simple and plain form. Feminine no doubt. Attractive. But not so…remarkable.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 4
The next two days passed without incident. Nothing of any real substance or challenge to note.
Matthew got settled somewhat and started working out almost immediately. Exploring around the woods but Dave told him not to go far. Especially without a hunting rifle. Dave had left a simple semi-auto Winchester out for him. His bear gun as Dave referred to it with its four round magazine. But Matt figured till he got some practice with the rifle to leave it alone. He made a hiking stick like his grandpa taught him and treated it over a low fire. He would take some electrical tape for the end his hand would grip around. Plenty enough to ward off anything smaller than a bear he figured.
The ride to school was a pain in the neck but simple enough. Dave would let him use a clunker pickup truck he had laying around. It wasn’t pretty but it would get him to and from. Even if it was from the eighties and still backfired on occasion. But for now Dave and his mom took him on their way to the sheriff’s department.
It wasn’t much of a school. It wanted to be modern but its fifties original construction was very obvious. It serviced the pipeline families and familys’ of fisherman who worked the seasons in between their time at the pipeline.
Matt was to report to the principal for some reason Dave and his mom wouldn’t share. Which annoyed him but he figured it was to read him the law of land. Small towns with their big views of the outside world and like.
Dressed in jeans, a grey sweatshirt under a light jacket with steel toed boots set him more apart then he expected. His buzzed head didn’t help matters. Already he was feeling like a stranger in a strange land but he was quite strange after all. And he liked it that way. Normal people were so pathetically disappointing to him.
A secretary or assistant or some such led him to the principal’s office. Where it reeked of real wood that was old and fabric and upholstery that needed to be updated for the last twenty years, Matt figured.
“This is Matthew Berkshire, Principal Andrews.” The man was turned with his back to the door and he was quick to wave her off as he turned her around.
He was an older man. Fat and large. Tall with a body built like he had once been fit and a demeanour of annoyed and irate already as he fixed Matt with a scowl and look of disgust. Another worthless government whore. Matt thought to himself. His father and his grandfather had bestowed unto him a natural disrespect for government workers and the figures that wore unjustified authority as a shield but pretended the weight of the state was not at their back ready to crush all who resisted. Little figures of valor pretending to be mighty and alone but acting with the tyranny of the state and all the backing.
“Mr. Berkshire, please sit down.” His tone wasn’t unusually hostile, just gruff. As if he had better things to do.
Matt complied and took a seat in the chair while maintaining a friendly facade. Not everyone was an enemy. And not everyone needed to be an enemy. Even if anybody could be any enemy. There was no reason to make enemies you didn’t have to. Another of his grandfather’s bastardised wisdoms.
“Well I looked over you file and you have quite the history Mr. Berkshire.” Matt resisted qiuping back a joke. Instead he waited for Principal Andrews to continue as he remained nonplussed and looking as if he felt no need to respond. A simple head tilt with dead eyes looking back at the principle as if he was not even there would suffice.
Matt’s reaction or lack of a reaction rather made Principal Andrews only narrow his eyes with examination. He was not used to a kid not responding to him. Especially with his gruff and hard act going on.
“Well by all accounts you moved here after some problems at your last school. A fight broke out and you did some real harm to your fellow students it appears.” Of course, he would take the side of the perpetrators. School administrators always did. Especially when they weren’t white. Just a fact of the times. Cowardice and pathetic mediocrity was the way they leaned, like good government workers sucking the dick of Big Daddy government. Worthless whores.
Matt chose to reply. “Oh you mean the criminals that stabbed me. Got arrested at the hospital and then pled to felonies. Yeah Florida, with the American counties are good like that.” Principal Andrews went real still. No shame. No fear. No penitence. He didn’t like that.
“Well be it as it may Mr. Berkshire we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour here…” Matt cut him off responding with a deadpan tone. “You mean self-defense meant to save one’s own life while the cowardly and pathetic school workers look on with zero interest but to keep their money rolling in and will allow known gang members with records of violent acts and crimes that should have them expelled many times over, where in certain Democrat counties such cowardice and idiocy empowered a couple school shooters?”
Principal Andrews looked at the Matt with a note of disgust. “Look here Mr. Berkshire, your beliefs matter not one bit here. This isn’t Florida. We don’t like our way of life being disrupted by outside agitators who have problems with authority.”
Matt did his best not to roll his eyes and let the older fat man drone own as he dead-stared him. Lifeless and without emotion.
The man came to a finish and Matt spoke up without having listened to him or paid him any attention. “Great now that’s taken care of. Can I please get to class and finish my sentence of two years at your wonderful school?”
Principal Andrews huffed and snorted before calling in Vicky. Vicky stood in the corner after entering with a quiet and seamless presence. Matt felt disturbed and tried not betray his feelings as the young Vicky was perceived and not perceived to be moving.
Principal Andrews made the introductions and Matt nodded back. She was to be his chaperone for the day. They had the same classes and she was to show him the ropes so to speak. The ins and outs of the school. The locations of their classes.
He recognized her. It was hard not to. The way her appearance seemed to shift fluidly almost. The petite and skinny brunette ever so lightly had a big bust and blonde hair with curves added when she seemed to shift before his eyes. Like watching a film but each frame had a different person.
Matt didn’t say anything about it. Even if he did he would only be acknowledging his crazed state, if he had one. If.
Unlike an obedient puppy dog he got up in a slow and awkward fashion and followed behind her as his oddly disproportionate frame allowed. Causing her a note of concern for some reason. As if she was seeing something she shouldn’t have been….Or he was just weird. And Matt could admit to himself he was just weird. Part of his charm, he would jest about it at times. Not that he had many people to jest to now.
As If It Were Kismet Ch. 5
Following Vicky into the hall off to their first class was simple. She exchanged small talk and he slightly smiled as if to obviously suggest he was just being polite.
Inside his head, Matt was trying to figure out if he was having a psychotic break. The way Vicky looked kept changing and he looked at the other people around him and they stayed the same.
He was searching his mind as they were walking. And thus he wasn’t paying attention to where he was looking and so fell to his face forward over his feet seemingly out of nowhere.
A series of laughs erupted as it sunk in that he was obviously tripped. Like in prison this was a challenge to his superiority. If he let this pass he would be mocked and sneered at by this same group of boys. He wouldn’t walk to them like he was going to do nothing like a little bitch.
In a rage he turned and punched the stomach of the first face he saw. Some typical blonde haired wannabe jock. He knew from experience not to aim for the ribs. Instead he needed to aim for where he thought the belly button was.
Yells and screams blindly echoed around him as his after the punch he followed up his elbow of the opposite arm slamming into the face of the jock. Harder than a fist, the elbow struck the jock’s jaw and seemingly dropped him against a locker. Just in time to catch an errant and soft punch to the nose that sure enough hurt but did little to slow him down as his dad had taught him to fight through the pain. Blood and scars happened. They were a natural consequence of life to a man.
Taking the punch and falling further into his red state Matt headbutted the punch thrower before another guy arm bared his throat from behind. Which he managed to get his grip on the arm over a letterman jacked and jerk the unprepared boy to the side with him still latched on.
A few feet away from the lockers Matt knew his only chance was to jump and push off the lockers and knock the boy to the ground and so he did. He heard a thunk of the boy’s skull bouncing off the ground and he turned to pull out of the grapple.
The beatings he had taken from his father, the grapples, being choked unconscious. Had prepared him for fighting little bitches who didn’t know what a fight was. It wasn’t gay porn with rabbit punch fists flying.
Blood was running down his face and the pain started to hit him as the threats had been eliminated. Only then did he remember to breathe. Taking breathes as Vicky came up to him with tissues and took a hold of his nose.
“Owww owww owww what the fuck my nose could be broken.” He said to Vicky as she pulled his head up and back.
“It’s ok Carl. It’s done.” Matt tried to look to see who Vicky was talking to. It was a boy taller than his 5’9” by more than a small margin. The boy eyed him bored and annoyed before speaking. “What happened here?” An unoriginal line but one Matt couldn’t be a smart aleck about. “Well you see there was an outbreak of tripping and we all tripped over my dick. It happens.” Matt was about to laugh when Vicky seemed to pull up while still gripping his nose causing Matt no small amount of pain which he audibly evidenced.
Vicky spoke in a tone he wasn’t expecting. As if she was accustomed to issuing orders. “Keep Iris away from the hall till we sanitize the site. We have blood from at least three people contaminating the site. And have Jake bring me a spare jacket and shirt for this moron.”
Carl seemed to acknowledge her orders and seemed to blink away. Maybe the punch hit harder than he expected. He had no time to wonder as Vick took her hand away from his and pushed him against the lockers. With ease he had not been expecting from her form and stature.
Before he could respond Vicky licked his blood covered chin and then his lips and spoke to him. “Focus on me you little blood bag.” Her tone had an annoyed yet feminine sneer.
“Look into my eyes. Look at me. You belong to me. You are just another food source in a collection of food sources.” Her eyes were a beautiful hazel Matt thought. Almost green. Pretty like jewels in some old treasure collections. The eyes he could get lost in before kissing her. Finally Vicky was just a slight and petite brunette and he thought she was beautiful.
She would make a hell of a girlfriend. Some cute thing he could see laying on the beach in Florida on their sides laughing and smiling before trading light kisses while hands wandered innocently. Before his mind could drift further he felt her lips on his. It took him a second to mentally grasp the kiss but his arms were around her back as her hands were at his sides. His eyes reflexively closed as he saw hers close.
It was ineffable to Matt. Beyond words, what was happening. The kiss, the moments beforehand. The way his brain tickled with electricity and gentle warmth. He had never had a kiss like this and he had traded more than a few kisses with at least a few girls.
The kiss was like a warm bath with his consciousness slipping beneath the surface. Their lips only parted to try new angles and approaches as Matt struggled to take in breath. It was a moment he could have stayed trapped in for….he didn’t know. But a curt throat clearing by another girl pulled them out of the moment.
The girl was taller than Vicky. Blonde. With slight curves. Vicky addressed her bewildered and gobsmacked, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. “Tina?”

Integration of "Out of Africa" Migrations with Evolutionary Dynamics and Milankovitch Cycles

The observation that indigenous populations in the southern hemisphere have a younger age for female puberty compared to those in the northern hemisphere can be integrated into our model of human evolution, climatic cycles, and population dynamics. This difference likely stems from evolutionary pressures and environmental conditions unique to each hemisphere.

Key Components:

1. Milankovitch Cycles: Periodic changes in Earth's orbit and axial tilt influencing climate over tens of thousands of years.
   
   • Eccentricity: 100,000-year cycle.
   • Obliquity: 41,000-year cycle.
   • Precession: 26,000-year cycle.
2. Glacial and Interglacial Periods:
   
   • Glacial Periods: Times of extensive ice sheets, colder climates.
   • Interglacial Periods: Warmer periods with retreating ice sheets, higher sea levels.
3. "Out of Africa" Migrations:
   
   • Out of Africa 1: ~1.8 million years ago (Homo erectus).
   • Out of Africa 2: ~120,000 years ago (early Homo sapiens).
   • Out of Africa 3: ~60,000-70,000 years ago (modern Homo sapiens).
4. Evolutionary Dynamics:
   
   • High Frequency Evolution: Rapid evolutionary changes driven by intense environmental pressures and higher population densities.
   • Low Frequency Evolution: Slower evolutionary changes due to more stable environments and lower population densities.

Model Explanation

Climatic Influence on Migration and Evolution

Northern Hemisphere: - During interglacial periods, retreating ice sheets expose large areas of habitable land, allowing for extensive human migration and population growth. - Lower Frequency Evolution: Longer periods of stability in the northern hemisphere lead to slower evolutionary changes as populations adapt over longer timescales.
Southern Hemisphere: - Limited land area and harsher conditions during glacial periods result in higher population densities and increased competition. - Higher Frequency Evolution: Rapid and intense environmental pressures in the southern hemisphere drive faster evolutionary changes as populations must quickly adapt or face extinction.

Population Dynamics and Environmental Pressure

Interglacial Periods: - Northern Hemisphere: Expansion into newly habitable areas leads to lower population densities and slower evolution. - Southern Hemisphere: Remains largely unchanged in terms of habitable land, maintaining higher population densities and rapid evolutionary pressures.
Glacial Periods: - Northern Hemisphere: Contraction of habitable land leads to higher population densities and increased competition, but the frequency of these events is lower. - Southern Hemisphere: Even more intense competition and rapid evolutionary changes due to restricted habitable land.

Biological Implications

Age of Female Puberty: - Southern Hemisphere: Younger age for female puberty can be seen as an adaptation to high-frequency evolutionary pressures. Early reproduction can be advantageous in environments where survival rates are lower and competition is high, ensuring that genes are passed on before potential mortality. - Northern Hemisphere: Longer generation times and more stable environments may result in later puberty, aligning with the slower evolutionary pace and extended periods of relative stability.

Graphical Representation

Time Axis (t): From 200,000 years ago to present.
Variables: 1. Sea Level: Reflecting glacial and interglacial cycles. 2. Atmospheric CO₂: Correlating with glacial cycles, higher during interglacial periods. 3. Milankovitch Cycles: Eccentricity, obliquity, and precession overlaid on the timeline. 4. Human Migration Events: Marked at key points for Out of Africa 1, 2, and 3. 5. Age of Female Puberty: Plotted for populations in both hemispheres, highlighting the evolutionary pressures and resulting differences.

Conclusion

This integrated model explains the differing rates of evolutionary change in human populations based on climatic cycles and hemispheric differences. The Milankovitch cycles create alternating periods of environmental pressure that influence the frequency of evolutionary changes. Higher frequency evolution in the southern hemisphere results from intense competition and rapid environmental shifts, while lower frequency evolution in the northern hemisphere is due to longer periods of stability and slower population dynamics. The biological differences, such as the age of female puberty, reflect these evolutionary pressures.

References for Further Reading

• Harvati, K., Stringer, C., & Grün, R. (2011). The "Out of Africa" hypothesis. Nature Education Knowledge, 3(10):5.
• Milankovitch, M. (1941). Canon of Insolation and the Ice-Age Problem.
• Kutzbach, J.E., & Gallimore, R.G. (1988). The climate of the last glacial maximum: Results from a coupled atmosphere/ocean general circulation model. Science, 241(4864), 1600-1604.
• Quaternary Science Reviews. (2002). Milankovitch cycles and climate change. Quaternary Science Reviews, 21(1-3), 1-26.
• Reich, D., Patterson, N., Kircher, M., et al. (2011). Denisova admixture and the first modern human dispersals into Southeast Asia and Oceania. American Journal of Human Genetics, 89(4), 516-528.
• Bogin, B. (1999). Patterns of Human Growth. Cambridge University Press.
• Campbell, B. G., & Tishkoff, S. A. (2010). The Evolution of Human Genetic and Phenotypic Variation in Africa. Current Biology, 20(4), R166-R173.

By understanding these dynamics, we can better predict and manage current and future human migrations and their impacts on global civilization.

Hi askdocs
I've (36M) been dealing with high blood pressure (150/85+) this year and have made a ton of progress through exercise, diet, and quitting drinking/smoking. Lately, I've switched to having low (below 80/60) blood pressure. It's been low enough that I've almost blacked out from standing up and during weightlifting.
I talked to my doctor already and he's having me lower my Losartan dosage from 100mg daily to 50mg and stopping my hydrochlorothiazide 12.5mg entirely to start, with instructions to continue lowering the dosage until my systolic is back around 120. We currently think I'll be able to stop the medication entirely.
I've also added protein shakes (muscle milk) to my diet to ensure that I'm not malnourished, since my other medications (listed below) suppress my diet significantly.
My question is: at what point should I go back to weightlifting? It's been 3 days on the lower dose and I'm measuring 100/70 before medication and between 90/60 and 100/70 after medication. I'm still getting dizzy when standing up, though not as bad. I was planning on waiting until either I was done adjusting my dosage, or above 110 systolic, but that may be me making excuses for myself.
Medications:

• Venlafaxine 75mg
• Atomoxetine 40mg
• bupropion 150mg
• Aripiprazole 10mg (1/2 a 20mg tab)
• Losartan 50mg
• Gabapentin 300mg (as needed at bedtime for nerve pain)
• Atorvastatin Calcium 20mg
• Trazodone (temporary sleep aid)
• Nicotine gum 2mg/3 hours (as needed for cravings)
• Vitamin D3 5000 IU
• Ibuprofen and acetaminophen as needed for pain

Lifestyle:
Diet is almond milk yogurt w/ granola, and a protein shake for breakfast, raw vegetables for lunch, coldcut sandwich for dinner, fresh fruit, nuts and dried fruit for snacks, 2-3L of water and unsweetened tea for fluids (I've been over hydrated per lab results). 30-60 minutes of exercise on weekdays.
Background:
My weight is currently 215lbs (97.5kg) at 5'11 (180cm). I've been a 1/2 pack/day smoker for 16 years and an alcoholic for 14 years. No indication of liver or kidney damage, and my chest x-ray was clean. I'm currently 3-months sober and have quit smoking, but I'm still using nicotine gum and pouches. I have significant back, ankle/foot, and joint pain from military service and am diagnosed with GAD, MDD, and ADHD (hence the laundry list of medications). My cholesterol was above 300 as of 4 months ago, but is down to 107 as of a week ago. Sleep is a disturbed 5 hours/night.
I've been back in the gym for 3 months, lifting and walking. Outside of exercise, I'm pretty sedentary.

I don’t feel like myself anymore.
This second sem as a freshie, compared to the first, mas lighter workload ko ngayon. Currently nagreretake ako ng math course. One of the other major subjects I am taking are My bio lab & lec which, well, kala ko, mapapanis ko. Ever since talaga my elementary days to HS days, biology was something I considered as my forte, lalo na dream ko magpursue ng med one day.
So with the start ng second sem, I was excited, with bio being there (& my plans to shift to this course), and mej nalax aq konti with math, knowing na, Ive been through this before, I could not possibly fail this again.
Fast forward to present day me, I am on the verge of failing bio & math (again:(). At first it was ONLY 1 failed exam for both, then next thing ik, wala pa akong napapasa na exam, kahit isa. AND I am just so frustrated, sad, dissapointed, angry, & tired.
What am I doing wrong? Nag-aaral naman ako super hard, I am pushing myself to heights I never thought I could even reach, I Fucked up my sleep schedule para lang sa studies ko. Yet, despite ALL this, I am ending up as a failure……
What. In. The. Actual. Fuck Universe.
With all these dissapointing results, there are days wherein, di ako makatayo, nakahiga lang or nakatulala aq from my bed. Nawawalan ako ng ganang kumain. Fuck, I am not even aiming for 1s or 2s, amp kahit tres lang, kahit pang removals, im ok, I just want to pass. I want to be able to feel na my hardwork was worth it. The sleepless nights and my deteriorating health, I wanna feel like kahit papaano, nakapagyield ako ng passing marks in the end.
As for my family, honestly, they are not even that strict, kahit 3, masayang masaya sila. But failing & retaking the subject wholly Is not an option again. After failing math & telling them that I need to retake it, grabe dissapointment sa mga mata nila. They told me stuff bout how yeah, obviously ako very dissapointed cause I was the one working my ass off this only to end up retaking the subject, but mas sila daw ang nadidisappoint(?) like iba daw as a parent yung dissapointment, lalo na carrying the fact na ur child failed overall a subject in school. Hindi daw normal yung pag fail ng isang subject sa college. Siguro I understand (or try to) where they are coming from, but idk, parang a bit unfair lang for me yung thought na, mas sila daw ang nadidisappoint?? Mas sila daw ang may burden na ito?? Like as much as I wanted to scream or tell them na “No, you have no right to tell me na mas mabigat toh for you, na the burden Is lighter on my end, NO!”, I cant. At the end of the day, they are my parents. Anyways yun, idk if maaaccept pa ba nila kung niretake ko tong math for the 2nd time, as they said, and I quote, “this Is the first & last time you are going to let this happen. hindi ito normal.”
So ayun, with all that, I am even questioning myself if I am really deserving of UP. If I am good enough to be a doctor one day, if I am even strong enough to endure it.
Everyday nalang, I feel this darkness looming. Subtle siya sa mornings, but very strong niya sa gabi. I tried to fight it before, the monster of my anxieties & doubt, but lately, I just let it. I let it consume me, I let it beat me up to shit. I am starting to get tired of fighting. Nakakapagod ipaglaban ang isang bagay na, sa huli, ididisappoint ka lang.
Idk what to do anymore tbh.
So yun, thank u for giving a bit of ur time reading this. Di ko man kayu nakikita or kilala, but I am very grateful & appreciative of you:)

The following report from the American Association of Medical Colleges detail the impact on U.S. MD senior residency applications in states with restrictive abortion laws.
<< The new data analysis finds continued reductions in applicants to residency programs located in states with abortion bans two years after the Dobbs decision (during the 2023-2024 application cycle). >>
Select Indiana in the following interactive search tool. The decline was over 9 percent for "all specialties." Shockingly, the decline was over 17 percent for internal medicine residencies, up from an almost 3 percent decline 2022-2023. No 2023-2024 data was available for OB/GYN applications, but the decline was over 9 percent 2022-2023. No data was available for emergency medicine or pediatric specialties. Restrictive abortion laws reportedly are reducing applicants, most especially for OB/GYN residencies.
<<...MD applicants may be selectively reducing their likelihood of applying to programs in states with more state-imposed restrictions on health care regardless of the number of available residency programs. The relative decrease in applicants to programs in states with abortion restrictions compared with the number of applicants to programs in states where abortion remains legal was also greater in 2024 than in 2023....
Changes in the number of applicants to specialties whose patients are most likely to be affected, including emergency medicine, family medicine, internal medicine, obstetrics and gynecology (OB/GYN), and pediatrics, were examined separately from all other specialties combined.>>
https://www.aamcresearchinstitute.org/our-work/data-snapshot/post-dobbs-2024
It's likely that Indiana still filled its OB/GYN residency programs, but with less desirable applicants.
<<... applicants are likely to want to match somewhere — even the least desirable location — rather than nowhere....
Despite these changes, nearly all residency positions in OB/GYN were filled again this year, and a similar number of U.S. MD seniors matched into first-year positions this year and last year.4 Residency positions for most large specialties also filled at rates similar to previous years. >>
The article didn't explain the following statement, but specialists, especially OB/GYNs, reportedly are leaving states with strict abortion restrictions. A decline in applicants probably corresponds with a lesser desire to practice in a state after becoming fully certified.
<< However, this additional year of findings suggests that the continued decreased interest of U.S. MD seniors in training in states with abortion bans or restrictions may negatively affect access to care in those states; any impact will likely first affect communities who already have limited access to care (such as rural, lower socioeconomic, and marginalized racial and ethnic groups). >>
This article explains:
<< “The examination of two years of data suggests that restrictions on women's health care may continue to disproportionately decrease the likelihood that new doctors will apply to residencies in states that offer the most restrictive practice environments,’” the researchers wrote. "Because these policy decisions appear to affect where physicians plan to practice, state governments and health care leaders need to consider the potential impact of those decisions on the physician workforce.”
https://www.salon.com/2024/05/14/school-graduates-are-avoiding-states-with-abortion-bans-experts-warn-it-could-cause-chaos/
<< Dr. Kara Cadwallader, who is a family medicine physician in Idaho, told Salon this shows how the impact highly restrictive abortion laws will have on the country’s healthcare system.
“I thought it was very interesting that it's not just the specialties we would imagine, like OBGYN and family medicine, pediatrics and emergency medicine, had a big decline, which is scary, and that’s our workforce pipeline,” Cadwallader said. “I think the fact that it's not just specialties that tend to take care of pregnant women is really telling — it's a big message to legislators that doctors don't want to be told how to practice medicine.”
Dr. David Hackney, a Cleveland-based maternal fetal medicine specialist, offered additional explanations why restrictive abortion laws will impact physician staffing in states for all specialties.
<< “Pregnancy itself is not siloed away within the field of OBGYN, and I think one of the things that many medical specialties have specifically realized after the Dobbs decision is the extent to which everyone is involved,” Hackney told Salon. “The other major issue, of course, is medical students are generally of reproductive age. A lot of residents and fellows are in the age group that's overlapping with when people would often have children. This is a group that’s potentially deciding where they want to go to start their families.”
With large numbers of OB/GYNs and especially high-risk OB/GYNs leaving states such as Idaho, there is a concern about the absence of a pipeline to fill these vacancies.
​
​

Anyone out there have Qvidian integrated with their SFDC? I'm looking for some info from someone who actually uses the product. We are in the beginning process of considering the integration with our SFDC.

1. What are your Pros & Cons?
   
2. Did you have to upgrade to Salesforce CPQ for the integration, or could you use Standard Quotes?
   
3. How long was your implementation of Qvidian? Was there a lot of customization needed?
   
4. Have you run into storage issues in SFDC since implementing Qvidian?
   

Thanks in advance.

About a year ago, I [29 M] was in a toxic relationship with J [29 M]. While there were no serious stakes in it (no kids or messy finances), the relationship and breakup ended up emotionally affecting me in a way I had never really thought possible. I feel guilty because after the relationship I tried to be friends with my ex still, which I now see as a mistake in the context of this relationship, and then after a few months, he blocked me because I didn't respect a boundary he had set about not sending him long messages. He said he didn't feel safe since I "completely ignored" the boundary.
I was devastated, but over the course of the next few months, came to understand a great deal of ways that I feel that I had been abused during the relationship. I felt angrier and angrier, and even though I was seeing a therapist, it eventually boiled over. My ex had blocked me on discord and probably on text, but I went onto an astrology app called Co-Star that he had had me download, and sent a message using it that said something like, "You were an abusive partner, but you can make it right with an apology."
Now, I have no idea if he actually saw the message. It was sent with a weird feature of the app called Chaos Mode that apparently chooses to send the message at some future time, so who knows if it actually ever sent. I don't know if he still has the app, if he unfriended me, or whatnot. But I feel guilty because I enacted exactly the caricature of me that he had created--I hadn't respected his boundaries, and I sent the message anyways.
At the same time, I am still feeling very victimized by the relationship. To give you a sense of the kinds of things that were going on in the relationship, here's a few examples that I currently find a little horrific [Note: this kind of turned into a summary of the relationship after I wrote it]. I'm aware that to heal I should probably not be ruminating about these things, especially if they lead me to boil over and message him, but here you go.
The first time I had sex with him, he slammed the door on me for not being able to finish and said "finish yourself." When I came to bed, I told him I felt shame. He said "good." The next time we had sex, he set a timer for me and said I had to finish within 5 minutes. These were the first times I ever had sex. He was manipulative in bed, telling me he didn't want to perform certain acts because I didn't give him enough praise for them, so that I started exaggerating my pleasure; he blamed me for why certain positions weren't working and was frustrated with how my body worked. On top of this, he admitted at the end of the relationship to having had sex with me around five times after he decided to break up with me (before he did), which just makes me feel a bit icky.
He would put me down in pretty transparently cruel ways. One example was when I exerted myself, he said I sounded like a muppet and that he "didn't want to be dating a muppet." When I offered him a blanket but apologized that it might not have been washed in a while, he called me a baby. He would insult my ability to give complements, asking me to tell him what color his eyes are but then rejecting everything that I gave him, telling me I was bad at complements repeatedly (and saying that it wasn't fair of him because his other exes were artists, so no wonder I was bad). Now, there were times that he was complementary to me--he told me I was hot, good at singing, good at writing, smart--but also times where he would put me down for things I was less good at, like cooking.
He constantly made me feel insecure about my gender. (For context, we are both men, but he was raised as a woman). So he would make pretty sweeping feminist critiques over fairly mundane things, like if I complained when I was sick he would go off about how men are always babies when they are sick and women don't get attention. When I confronted him about some of the things he was saying, telling him that while I wanted him to express these kinds of social problems so that I could be aware and adapt, I was feeling insecure in the relationship--he flipped it around and told me that if I didn't feel loved, he could say "I love you" less, and that I hadn't been grateful enough for when he came to visit me. (I had written him poetry, deep cleaned my apartment, taken time off work, sent my roommate off for the week, bought him a bus pass, planned his visit, met him in the airport despite not having a car, and just an insane amount of work to be turned into, "you weren't grateful enough").
Other than namecalling, he was just plain controlling. The reason that the boundary around me not sending long messages exists is that when I felt insecure--which I think makes sense given the ways he would talk to me--I would often send him a few paragraphs apologizing and explaining how I was growing. Even though long messages were the first thing he said he loved about me, and that he said our communication was like magic, he eventually set up what he called an "Essay embargo" and told me not to write them. The first time he set the "embargo", he had said it was only until we met in person because he didn't want me to write anything that would make him nervous. After we met in person, I assumed the embargo had lifted. Yet shortly after, he set it again, giving a few explanations--the main one just being that he wanted to appreciate our relationship without overthinking it. It seemed playful. He definitely did also say that long messages made him uncomfortable because he felt obligated to send a response. So, when I did send messages, I would add that he didn't have to respond (which I realize is not fully respecting the boundary). I did ask after sending messages whether they were ok and he never responded to those questions.
Despite this, there were times during the relationship that I continued to send long, often apologetic messages. I had felt like this boundary was set playfully and I also was feeling overwhelming guilt that I, for whatever reason, needed his affirmation for. I am conflicted because on the one hand, I was definitely ignoring his boundary--but on the other, I feel like the boundary was not very thoughtful of my own needs, either.
Prior to the breakup, it was hell. He was getting angry at me for everything--for pretty mundane things like using the bathroom before him and stinking it up. He told me he had to show me how to do everything, but I realize now that a lot of this was just him being particular (e.g, he told me I don't know how to drink tea because I left the bag in, when I just like it strong). Unfortunately, I had flown 5,000 miles to visit him and was sort of trapped in his proximity, and was drunk on love still since I was trying very hard, it was my first relationship, and he had sold me on notions of fairytale romance and told me we were cosmically meant to be together and other lovebomby sort of things. We flew to a convention and I met some of his friends, and at one point he introduced me to a girl he had almost dated before, saying I was a friend and not a partner. I pointed this out to him later and he just said "does that make you angry?". He flirted with a woman at a party, telling her she was pretty while demanding that i bring him snacks (I feel so, so weak for not confronting him about this). He got drunk and I stayed with him as he passed out, but he was angry at me in the morning. When one of his friends told me they thought I was nice, because i was opening doors for everyone, my ex said "Is he really?" Questioning them.
The breakup itself was cold and calculated. He started it by telling me that he thought about not giving me any reasons for the breakup because I always overanalyze things. He told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I was a woman. He told me I didn't take care of him and he needs a partner that takes care of him, and that his partners always feel taken care of. He threw some things I had said at the beginning of the relationship back at me--misquoting and misunderstanding them.
After the relationship, I had no idea what to think. It was my first relationship. It had started with fairytale romance. I had been passing his tests, I had been an exception to his long string of abusive relationships. He presented himself as this incredibly moral person (vegan, environmentally conscious, telling me of all of the ways others had abused him that he would never do, even his closest friends). I had completely internalized criticisms that he had had of me throughout the relationship, many of which had led to serious self reflection and my writing messages about my growth. Within a week I told him I still loved him and that I always would. He reminded me of his boundary around long messages and said they made him anxious. I was desperate. We took a few weeks of no-contact. We messaged short-messages back and forth, with a few life-updates to eachother each. He told me he was rescuing a kitten that he found, and I remembered how he could be kind.
But as I processed, more and more, I felt angry. I wrote unsent angry letters in the notes app on my phone for a month. I wrote myself a 20,000 word summary of the relationship. This was not a healthy way to process. It elevated me. (Some of you will probably comment that maybe I shouldn't have written this post for the same reason, but oh well--I wanted to process and I want to hear if others have similar stories). Meanwhile, my ex kept pushing back the date for when we would verbally connect again. Eventually, I boiled over. I did not insult him. But I wrote a long message explaining that I wanted to take 3 months of no-contact. I had entered another relationship and told him that even though I was feeling angry at him, he shouldn't be worried because even though I had baggage from the relationship, I was communicating well with my new partner. I also told him that I felt like if I did talk with him, that I would end up tearing him a new one, and that I needed time to cool down. I'm not proud of the message in general, but I didn't call names, tell him he was awful, or anything like that. I was just insensitive and told him I was angry.
And like that, I was blocked. It was over. A period of about 9 months, five of which we were together, with two before escalating towards love bombing and two after escalating towards my boiling over.
And yet, I had never expressed to him that I thought he had been abusive. I felt frustrated that I had told him that I would always love him, when in many ways now I hated him.
Five months passed, during which I came to realize more and more how messed up the relationship was.
And then I sent the message on Co-star.
Fast forward another four months to now.
I just sent him a text, knowing he probably has blocked me there too. It said something like, "I want my last message to you just be: I'm sorry, and I forgive you." I wanted to free myself. I needed to not feel angry at him or ashamed of myself. I needed to not feel like I had a million things to say to him--I needed to just say, this is it: I'm not sending more messages. I'm sorry, and I forgive you. It was for myself. I was forgiving him selfishly, even though he didn't deserve it, so that I could move on.
I feel like I shouldn't have sent this, but I don't feel bad about it yet, either. I needed closure. It always felt like there was some "message I could send" to detail his abuse, and I needed to not have that standing over me--I needed to forgive. I am now oscillating between wondering about myself--whether I have a problem with boundaries, since I had boiled over at this point three times to message him. Feeling frustrated I didn't assert myself about his abuse, that I doubled down on loving him. Part of me is glad that I sent the message on Co-Star saying that he was abusive, because it was the only indication I ever gave him, really, that what he did wasn't ok to me--he had blocked me before I could articulate anything. But I also know that this message even if received would not mean anything to him.
Anyways, now I'm venting about it here on Reddit. Does anyone have similar experiences surrounding self control messaging exes and feeling a bit out of control?

Hey! So, as it says in the title - I'm waiting for a package right now and felt like talking to some new people. I got some great news a few days ago - namely: I have been offered a leading role in a theatre play!
But, who am I? Well, I'd say I'm creative! I obviously act, but I also like to write (I'm writing a book) and my biggest passion is photography! Besides that I like to travel, read, cook and bake, learn new things, cycle, swim and run and a whole lot more. I am practicing chess, learning to edit videos and make music, practicing guitar and even more! I value learning new things and getting to know new experiences - so it would be great if you're similar.
I also like taking care of myself with mindfulness, skin care and good cups of tea. I like being outside, exploring and educating myself on a variety of topics, for example: Technology, privacy, urban planning, history, aviation, politics, culture,... I also enjoy going to theatre, classical concerts, ballet, opera and all kinds of museums and galleries!
I'll end it here for now - I hope you have a fantastic day and I'm looking forward to hearing from you! If you need an ice breaker: What would you say is the best thing about yourself?