I have an ipod touch 6th gen (A1574) i believe I got it at the end of 2014 or 2015. I think it’s got somewhere around 25-30 gbs. I’m planning on changing the battery soon and loading up all my cds on it. What I want to do is have a way to make sure all of my photos are safe and loaded off the ipod where I can deleted the data and just have it exclusively for music.
My problem is I’m not a tech person at all. I could take apart and put back together a device but have no idea how to use it when it’s on. I only just realized realized thanks to another Reddit user what a cloud and its purpose is. I think all of my photos are on my phone and computer already but I’m not sure if it’s from the cloud or not.
Right now I’m thinking of using the usb to lightning adapter I have and moving the photos/videos on to a drive it then wiping the ipod. I’m just not sure what to do after the the usb would be plugged in. I also tried loading my pictures onto my Mac by making a backup but it only downloaded three random pictures.
If anyone has any tips they could share in a way anyone could understand I would seriously appreciate it. I’ve spent the past few days almost exclusively ripping cds and I’d hate for that time to go to waste.

The Hanging Tree By John Westrick

The ball streaked towards little Jimmy Hanson, covering the distance uncomfortably fast. The scrawny boy two sizes too small with the aviator glasses, cringed out of the way. It landed directly where he had been standing, and like that the game ended.
“Damnit Jimmy, you're supposed to catch the ball not hide from it!” a fat kid with a glove on one hand cried.
A skinny boy with glasses turned from the pitcher's mound to look at Jimmy disdain clearly visible on his face, “This is the third run you’ve allowed, and you wonder why we never let you play with us. You’re dog shit! Actually, I apologize to all loads of shit out there, you’re even more useless. I’d prefer to have Roger Morris on our team and he can’t see a damn thing with those bug eyes.”
An easy-going boy with blonde shaggy hair and a confident smile strolled up to Jimmy, extending his hand to assist, and said, “Here let me help you up. After all, you're the best player on our team. MVP hands down. Come on boys, give him a cheer!”
The boys chanted Jimmy’s name in a mocking parade of triumph.
“I don’t need your help, David,” said Jimmy.
Dirt smeared and face growing hot, the embarrassed boy attempted to climb to his feet. The hand extended to help, struck lightning-fast, catching the smaller boy squarely in the chest. With a groan of pain, the dirty boy hit the ground for the second time that afternoon.
“Well, if I knew you liked to eat dirt so much, I never would’ve offered to help,” said David, a wolfish smile forming on the landscape of his face.
A chorus of cruel laughter echoed all around.
“I hate you David Baxly,” said the wheezing boy.
David looked at Jimmy with disgust, giving him a savage kick to his left kidney. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and die. I doubt even your family would miss you.”
The rest of the boys walked away leaving the bleeding Jimmy whimpering on the ground.
No longer crying from pain but seething anger, slowly he began to crawl to his feet. “I wish I could go somewhere else. Just pick up and move and never have to see those shitheads ever again,” said Jimmy speaking to no one in particular.
It was thoughts of revenge that occupied his mind, half-baked plans, he didn't have the courage to act upon. No matter, it wasn’t revenge he truly sought, but a friend. The idea of having people look at him and truly see him. Humiliation for David Baxly was just an added bonus.
The bloody boy was still fantasizing about these things, when he found himself staring at the intersection of Jackson and main street in the sleepy town of Brookhollow, Tennessee. Brookhollow is like many rural towns, so tiny that it doesn’t even appear on the map. There are 876 residents in the tight-knit community, according to the 2008 census. Main street boasts one general store, a gas station, the town hall, and Debbie’s Diner.
It was on the outside of the later building that he saw the missing sign of Jack Dunkin, a 12-year-old boy from a neighboring town a few miles to the west. Jack was from Polk, a slightly larger town and known rival to Brookhollow. Even though Jack was in the same grade as Jimmy, they had never met.
Jimmy looked at the picture and saw that the boy had been missing for nearly 3 months. He wondered how his mom would react if he was missing that long; he reached the conclusion that she probably wouldn’t even notice. Ever since she took that job at Debbie’s to pay for the remainder of her husband’s gambling debts, she was hardly even home.
She was gone when he woke and didn't come back too well after he was asleep. The only time Jimmy had any communication with Laura Hanson was on Sundays. Even this small exposure was tainted by the bone deep exhaustion. She may have been present, even so, she wasn't there. Laura wakes, eats, drinks, uses the bathroom; yet she isn't really living. She reminded the boy of those cheesy horror movies they sometimes play late at night. The walking dead.
As little as his interaction with Laura, at least she still lived in the ramshackle motorhome right off the main highway. His dad, if he even still qualified to be called that, left some time back, draining the joint bank account and leaving the two of them penniless. Jimmy didn’t even know where he stayed, let alone had a phone number for the bastard. A few years back he received a postcard from him. He was shelled up in some two-bit motel in the thriving city of Las Vegas. On the back of the card was a charming little note, it said, “Jimmy, I wish you could see the city. Maybe you could come out and visit. I’d love for you to come and hang with my friends. Ps. Could you have your mom send me some money, I’m in a little bit of trouble here.
This led to his first real fight with his mom. He was adamant on going and meeting his father, thinking that if he got to know him he could change him. Bring him back. His mom wanted nothing to do with the man, nor did she want her son to be hurt again. The argument got heated and words were exchanged. In the end, he stayed, but some things chafe over time. Things were never quite the same.
If the boy was honest with himself, he would have to admit there is no one in his life. He has no friends in school, there is no one waiting for him at home, and he is not a part of any extracurricular activities. He goes to school, comes home, does his homework, makes dinner for his mom, and goes to bed. It has never occurred to him that he is lonely, the fact is he has never known anything else.
Jimmy doesn’t actually live in Brookhollow, his house is about two miles north up highway 29. He lives outside of the school’s jurisdiction, so he is unable to take the bus. He walks to school every day. The walk is peaceful and he actually looks forward to it. The boy possesses an overactive imagination and gets lost in his fantasies. A little less today, his ribs ache with every step. But not even this inconvenience can ruin the solitary 2-mile trek back home. He makes no turns, highway 29 is main street. All he needs to do is walk straight and he will arrive at his house.
But he is not walking in rural Tennessee anymore. He is a pioneer exploring the Great Frontier. Native Americans and wolves stalk him at night, he must be aware of the dangers that lie beyond every turn. He can see his way through any situation with the help of his trusty companion and best friend, One-eyed Pete. Pete used to be an outlaw that robbed and cheated people, but changed his ways when Jimmy saved him from being hung on the hanging tree.
A shutter runs through his body every time he remembers the hanging tree. It’s the largest oak he had ever seen. He loves to climb trees but would never dream of climbing that one. It is twisted, not a single leaf on its branches. If evil was ever a location, it would be at the heart of that gnarled tree. Jimmy doesn’t like to think about it. It always seems to ruin his mood. Poison his mind. His fantasies always turn darker when he thinks of the oak.
Suddenly he is aware of exactly how alone he is. A full mile out from the safety of the town. No one is nearby. It’s just him, the trees, and his own tormented imagination. He wishes he wouldn’t have thought of that tree. He wishes he had a dad to pick him up from school, but there is no rescue for him. In Jimmy’s experience, heroes only exist in the story books.
“The hanging tree is in your mind, Jimmy, it isn't real,” he tells himself over and over as if to ward away evil. And why not? For that tree is most definitely evil, the hideous villain in an insidious plot.
In the primal portion of his mind, he senses danger. The same skittish feeling the antelope experiences shortly before the concealed lion pounces and feasts on flesh.
“Trees don’t eat little boys,” murmurs the frightened boy.
“Maybe so, yet that oak could hardly be classified in the same league as other trees,” responds his own treasonous thoughts.
The boy's mind splinters; warring factions jockeying for supremacy. Paranoia seizes him, inky black hands clawing the air out of his lungs. A young boy unaware of the inward mutiny happening amidst his own wits, completely left to his own demented imagination. Yet, the stakes of this adventure are a great deal higher than any he has yet to experience.
His mother was fond of telling him, “What you think, you become.”
A truly awful thought slinks into his mind unbidden. What if the stories his mind conjures could gain reality too? The thought overwhelms the boy. His eyes shift back and forth searching for threats. Jimmy’s senses are keen to his surroundings. Every twig snapping, a creature stalking. Every bush rustling, a hungry beast ready to devour. Yet, the petty fears of a child's tormented mind pales to the unearthly wrongness of the hanging tree.
“What if mom is right?” says the concerned boy to the emptiness. At this unwelcome thought the boy slams his eyes closed in a futile attempt to banish the horrific idea.
“The hanging tree isn’t real,” says Jimmy, knowing in his heart this isn’t true. In the back of his mind, the boy is certain that the moment he opens his eyes, he will see it. He will see the strands of rope dangling from the gnarled branches. He will smell the smell of decaying bodies. He will hear the creak of rope swaying gently in the cool breeze.
The boy doubles his efforts in a vain attempt to keep his eyes closed. He sees red due to the strain he is putting on his muscles. He hears the steady pulse of his blood rushing in his head. The boy also understands that all this effort is for naught. He must open his eyes at some point. Jealousy creeps into the boy’s heart. Envy for the man born without sight. For the boy understands the moment he sees, there will be no coming back.
The moment has come.
Jimmy can no longer keep his eyes shut. Seconds before his eyes fling open, he feels the gentle touch of someone's hand on his shoulder. This touch startles him, and the boy throws wide his eyes.
Sure enough a few hundred yards in front of him, stands the abomination. A lone tree on the top of a bald, scarred hill. Not a living thing to be seen. No vegetation growing on the hill, no squirrels scuttling about, just a great oak, standing; an obscene gesture to the god of this world. The only fruit of this tree the decaying flesh of dead men, and likewise, the only cup the curdled blood of those hanging. A final meal set for the boy, an unholy communion.
The hand, whose was it? Was it even human? The little boy left visibly shaking at the touch of the unknown. Is this death? The icy grip of the Reaper himself here to harvest with his scythe. No marriage, no children, not knowing the pleasures of true friendship. Life cut short, a lamentable state of affairs.
It was in this line of thought, where true courage was mustered. A strength measured not by the size of his muscles or the amount one could lift, but the more impressive type, the type quantified in the amount of shit one can wade. Identified in the amount of crap hands dealt without bowing out altogether. Young Jimmy Hanson did the unthinkable, he turned and faced death looking it in the eyes.
Eyes, yes, but death perhaps not. It was no titan of horror, nor was it the poster child of demented evil. Child it was, but this boy was familiar. Not anyone from his class, yet he knew the boy. In a moment of clarity, he recognized him. It was the missing kid, Jack Dunkin.
He looked identical to the poster on the side of Debbie’s Diner. He wore the same black and white Van’s tee shirt, ripped blue jeans, and some tattered Nike tennis shoes. The thoroughly terrified Jimmy stood staring at the missing boy, mouth ajar.
Jack with an easy-going grin plastered on his face, said, “It's about time, someone comes looking for me. I've been waiting for you Jimmy, far too long.”
With an audible click the boy shut his gaping mouth and responded, “Ja- Jack, you've been missing for nearly three months. Have you been out here all along? Are you alone? Are you hurt?” Jimmy fired these questions in rapid succession, growing more suspicious with each word.
“I’ve been right here, waiting for you to come and play with me. You see, I am like you. I never had anyone to play with either. Now you are here, and you must stay with me,” said the bigger boy with a smile on his face.
Jimmy’s mind quieted, for the first time in his life he saw himself clearly. A boy with no friends, no father, hardly a mother, bullied every day, and no way of escape. Clarity revealed the harsh truth. A day had not gone by that he wasn’t lonely. There was no one in his life. There was no life for him.
The undersized boy looked at the other with longing in his eyes. He thirsted for a friend, like a man lost at sea. He hungered for companionship, like a man stuck in the wilderness. It wasn’t just a desire; he was desperate for a friend. If the bigger boy would leave, Jimmy felt as if his soul would tear in half. His heart would shatter into a thousand pieces unable to be put back together. The boys' eyes were a mirror reflecting the same sad truth, they understood each other. Both had lived, and neither had anyone to share it with.
The boys bound by shared hardships grasped onto each other refusing to let go. The combined burden of loneliness lessened by two backs, instead of one.
With few words exchanged, the two of them created soul ties. Not the ties of lovers, but of lifelong friends. The type one dies for. The rare type of friendship that most people never form in their entire life. It was rich. It was wholesome. Jimmy felt as if his life was complete. The one thing he always desired truly fulfilled.
Jack grabbed the smaller boy’s hand and guided him towards the tree.
Jimmy, not wanting to get anywhere near that monstrosity, tried to pull back.
“Don’t worry. The tree is a good place. It will take us to a new land filled with boys and girls just like you and I. No David’s or bullies like him,” said a smiling Jack.
“How did you know about David? You’ve been missing all this time,” said a concerned looking Jimmy.
“Jimmy, I hear whispers. My friends tell me things. They will tell you secrets too. If you want to be friends with me, that is.” The bigger boy looked down at his ragged shoes. He looked so pitiful and Jimmy was so starved for companionship, how could he not follow the boy.
Jack led the two of them to the scarred trunk of the tree. Here he let go of Jimmy’s hand, telling the boy, “Do exactly what I do.”
Jimmy’s fear bottled up deep in his guts. He felt as if he was going to explode. The tree was sinister and twisted. Evil through and through. Yet, the little boy had never had a friend. He was not willing to throw that away so easily.
Jack walked to the lowest hanging branch. He reached up and grabbed one of the dangling nooses. He wrapped it around his neck and looked at Jimmy. “Don’t worry, no pain is felt. The hanging tree is magic. You’ll close your eyes on this world, and wake up in a better place with me and all of my friends,” said a smiling Jack.
“Ja-Jack, I don’t think I can do this. It seems dangerous. I need to go back home soon. My mom will be waiting for me,” said a terrified Jimmy.
A heartbroken Jack looked at the smaller boy and said, “Jimmy, I can’t believe you would lie to me. Your mom isn’t home and she wouldn’t even notice that you are missing. Come with me. I am the only one who cares for you.”
Tears streaming down the smaller boy’s face, he responded, “Please don’t make me do it! This place frightens me. Can’t you just come home with me?”
“No! This world despises people like you and me. We weren’t made for it. We were made for the hanging tree. This is where you belong,” snarled the bigger boy.
Jimmy, eyes still running, reached with trembling hands for the dangling noose. He seized it. With one final glance at his friend, the little boy placed the loop around his neck. Immediately the noose drew tight. It felt as if the tree was hauling him up by it. The boy kicked and squirmed. Trying to shout for help, but his airflow was cut off. He managed to make a choking noise, then with one final twitch all was still. Still as the glassy surface of a lake on a spring day.
Little Jimmy Hanson had finally made a friend.
The two boys remained dangling together, gently swaying in the stale autumn breeze.

i love reading about Big Stupid Romantic Gestures on /actuallesbians, because I like to picture myself in the stories and dream that one day I'll have a more poetic life. But also because they're usually uplifting and wholesome, and I need more of that in my life.
so it's kinda incredible, really, that I've finally got one of my own to tell.
Few nights ago, I get in from work, and, as usual, i'm dead on my feet. She, meanwhile, is already home, because she's got a normal schedule for normal people. and as soon as I walk in the door, she jumps up off the couch and takes my hand and says I need to follow her. So I drop my bag and my keys, and - feeling a little panicked - follow her out of my apartment, into the hall, and then down the hall to the stairs at the end (nobody uses the stairs, where the hell are we going?)
we start climbing the stairs. all the way to the top. Up there, behind a bunch of maintenance shit, is a locked door leading out onto the roof (well, one of two roofs, actually). But it's always locked, and always alarmed, so we've never had a chance to use it. Except for this time, because the building manager is there and he's holding it open, smoking a cigarette and looking down at his phone. And like, we're all friends and everything (I've been living in that place for years) so he just gives me a little nod and a smile, and then goes back to tapping away on his fruit combo or whatever. Sliding past him, we go out onto the roof - which is not a safe roof, by the way - and it's cool and breezy and dark; and in the corner, up against some AC duct, there's a wireless sound bar connected to an ipod nano (that's how old we are), playing something vaguely classical and fancy.
and as soon as i look at her, she puts her arm around my waist and we start slow-dancing in the middle of the roof, like we're at a prom or something. And Lukas (not his real name) slinks away and leaves the door wedged open with a bucket full of cigarette butts, so now it's just the two of us (and the people in the adjacent, much taller building) all-alone on the roof. And I'm completely breathless, so I ask her what the hell is going on. What's the occasion? She says no occasion, just that i should 'look up'. And so I do. But all that's up there is a featureless gray sky, blown out by the orange sodium of our neighborhood. She says there's northern lights up there, if you look hard enough. Which is unbelievable, but I believe her anyway. And so I'm squinting and not really seeing it; there's maybe the faintest hint of green, I'm not really sure. And then, like a pot of spilled ink, my eyes adjust and there's this wash of color. Faint and blurry, gone in a second. But I swear I saw it. And I'm like wowww, completely transfixed; and that's when she kisses me and tells me she loves me (i said it back without hesitation, btw) and we start moving in a circle to something slow and orchestral. All while high up above (I assume, because, if im being honest, I didn't see shit) the night sky was shimmering with an otherworldly glow.
After a while, blue danube comes on, which is one of my favorites, and we start twirling to that instead. and it cannot be overstated how bad we are at dancing, but we kept spinning and tip-tapping across the insanely dirty roof for another, I dunno, forty-five minutes before Lukas came back to wrap it all up. And the whole thing was, without question, the best moment of my entire life. No ulterior motive, no surprise announcement, no 'by the way, I ran over your cat earlier, hope this softens the blow' at the end. Just the distant sound of traffic and the crackle of a 128kbps harpsichord over in the corner. We didn't speak a word. I just lay my head on her shoulder, she brushed my hair a little, and halfway through she touched my butt. Chef's kiss perfection, the whole thing.
anyway, that's it. I dunno if anyone cares. but i had to write it down somewhere, just to get it outta my head. also, i think she paid lukas to let us up there, ill ask him when i see him. oh, and in the future, i will completely embellish this story to have us dancing a step-perfect waltz to a crystal-clear aurora in the shape of our faces. but for now, it was just a clumsy night in the city. and i liked it. she's the best.

He was the first champion I ever fell in love with. I remember a friend introducing me to the game on his iPod touch in like middle school and I just remember seeing this purple scorpion thing, and said that was the one I wanted to play when I eventually got a pc. I played him quite a lot before masteries, but eventually stopped playing him when the whole pillar update came out. I always kept up to date on him and was always interested in a rework possibly. When the rework hit, I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it. I still am kind of unsure about it, but recently something has clicked and I have just been enjoying him a lot more. After figuring out the cool tech stuff I can do with his E, and playing support I have just been having a blast. Yes some things are different and overall he doesn’t feel the exact same, but I actually am starting to enjoy my boy again. He’s a little rough but, I am enjoying him almost as much as I did originally. I’ve even decided to exclusively one trick him. I don’t know what the point of the post is, but I know he is different, but give my boy a chance.

M (21m) and I (24f) have been dating for 7 months. He’s the first guy I’ve ever had real, true feelings for that have lasted. This is what I would consider to be the only serious relationship I’ve ever had.
Things were great from the outset; lots of loving words and actions, quality time spent together, non sexual and sexual physical affection, frequent communication. We met each other one night through mutual friends and hit it off instantly, and then never stopped seeing each other after that. One month into knowing each other we made things official, and now it’s been just over 7 months of us being together.
Prior to a couple months ago, our relationship was near perfect from my perspective, with only a few issues. M and his friends are all weekly drinkers on the weekend, and there have been a handful of occasions where he would be out drinking heavily and then say or do something that made me concerned, then just drop contact with me. On one occasion he went to some strangers house party that he met downtown at 4am after all of his other friends left and went home. He ended up getting stuck in the city (where neither of us live) with a dead phone and I was up all night trying to get ahold of him and ensure his safety. This did cause some contention each time but I am admittedly very people-pleasey and downplayed to him how upset and frustrated I was with him in each of these situations. He was very genuinely apologetic each time and there haven’t been many similar instances since. I want to be clear as well that I have zero concern that these involved cheating or that he has ever cheated. Our relationship has otherwise been near perfect.
Fast forward to now and the last few months. M works in the trades field for a shitty but well paying company that overstaffs their job sites to get them more tax dollars. As a result, many people that work there end up having nothing to do and are essentially told to make themselves look busy. He has been fortunate for most of his time there, in that he’s been on job sites where there is actually work to do. A few months ago though, he was moved to a different department, and has spent nearly every shift with almost nothing to do but stare at his phone and try not to be caught. This might sound like someone’s dream but it’s not his, nor would it be mine. It’s caused him to feel aimless and unfulfilled, which has led to him becoming depressed.
He is someone that has never dealt with depression or any mental illness before, and has understandably been struggling. I on the other hand have, and have worked in the mental health field my entire career, so I have been doing absolutely everything I can to be the most supportive girlfriend to him. Around the time he felt himself becoming depressed, he started to become distant; not answering my texts for much longer periods of time, not seeming present when we were together, and being much less affectionate as a whole, both verbally and physically.
The one thing that didn’t change though was his desire for sex. We’ve always had good sex and have compatible sex drives. Prior to a few months ago, I wanted to jump his bones all the time because I felt wanted by him. And by that I don’t mean physically desired, i mean that I felt seen by him and appreciated as a person. With the changes in his personality that coincided with when he started to feel depressed, I haven’t felt this way. There were many instances in the last few months where he would hardly be romantic or affectionate in any capacity UNTIL we were in a situation where sex was an option. Then he would start kissing me and touching me, and it was plainly obvious that it was because he wanted to have sex. I would often go along with it, even if I wasn’t in the mood, in an effort to feel close to him. Unsurprisingly it instead began to make me feel empty, used and disconnected from him.
I initially gently communicated this to him a little over a month ago, he apologized and changed his behaviour for a week or so, and then it went back to just as it was. I held it in until I couldn’t anymore, and then a couple weeks ago, I told him more assertively how I was feeling and how I felt him to be behaving. He apologized sincerely, voiced that he didn’t even realize what he was doing, and then really opened up to me about how what he’s experiencing right now has been affecting every facet of his life, and how he hates the impact it has had on him and me. Since then, he has been making a real, very clear effort to be more communicative, more loving in his words, and more affectionate non sexually.
My issue now is one that is frustrating me. I can’t help but still feel the way I felt a couple of weeks ago, where I felt disregarded by him and used. I feel distant from him, and the ways he’s behaving now feels fake and forced to me. When he kisses me while we’re cooking or something, it feels like he’s only doing it because of what I brought up, not because it’s coming from a place of real desire to. When he texts me that he loves me, I again, feel that it’s driven by the conversation I had from him. I know he still feels depressed and is trying to make an effort to be a better boyfriend, but I can’t help but still feel put off by his behaviour from over the last couple of months, and unconvinced that his new behaviour is coming from a place of truly wanting to be affectionate.
TLDR: boyfriend of 7 months became distant a couple months ago, around the time he started feeling depressed from his job. Relationship prior to this was great. With this depressed state he stopped ever really being affectionate outside of the context of sex, and it began to make me feel really used. After communicating this a couple times, he began making a clear effort to be more loving and affectionate. I can’t shake now though that his loving words and actions feels insincere and that it’s being driven by the conversation I had with him, rather than out of a real desire to be close to me.
How do I stop feeling this way? I want to accept that he’s doing the best he can now, but I just feel this sense of disconnect from him that I can’t shake.

For the past many many years I have struggled with mental health issues. I have never planned on living long and started planning on ending it at 13ish or so. Multiple times through out the years I kept thinking alright I will give it a few more years and this continued on. This has never really stopped until I met my future wife (we will call her Rayne) at 22 and began to change my outlook to living for her and staying around for her. She also had a rough upbringing and struggles with self doubts like me. So I wanted to "be her rock" and support system.
I decided to stop with and ideas of suicide and we kind of just went with the flow of things for awhile like a normal fresh couple. After about a year or so we decided to move in together to our first apartment. Things were pretty easy going for us. We never really fought or had an argument like we had seen from our parents growing up.
In my past I never would trust anyone and after I would know them for a few months I would lose interest and push them aside for the next fling. I saw a whole new light in Rayne. She changed everything I had ever thought about another person and made me want to be everything I could I for her.
However, I am and was always incredibly manipulative to people I would meet. This is nothing I am proud of by any means but it taught me a lot by testing people's feelings and motives. So I decided to play a string of games on Rayne to test her end game loyalty to me. Ranging from a fake break up to reconnecting with past exes and flings to spark jealously. I would get caught up myself tough in the flirting and find myself drawn into my own game and finding I was fighting temptations.
Which I absolutely would not stand for as I had vowed to myself to never without any possible excuses would I betray Rayne or cheat on her. This would go on for a year or so until we finally would get married once I was sure she was the one. I felt awful for the longest time having played her like this and carry the guilt still. Though we have often discussed the tricking and games and I have never hid who I was to her once this was revealed and our relationship became official. And moving on through the years we would develop a bond like none other we have ever seen. The things I would do for the woman are without comparison. She is and for ever always will be my best and only friend, lover and wife in this and every life we have together. That being said though I still have my past and issues with mental health and self sabotage.
Which I have recently begun seeking out professional help with and have started extensive therapy and medication. However over the years having such a harsh internal struggle I have greatly lost touch with what displays love and compassion for another. As I have mentioned we never fight or have struggles with each other. But lately I have been struggling to just have the energy to smile let alone try and pretend everything is ok in front of her. We will often have a few drinks ever other night to ease the stress and so on to which the most recent occasion has left a scar on my mind. I clearly blacked out and some things happened regarding her phone which reflecting on it seems so silly. I essentially grabbed her phone refusing to give it to her claiming she was messaging someone else. This came as a complete surprise to me when she had told me the next day. I was mortified seeing her expression as she told me what happened and how she explained that I was just plain mean to her. It gutted me that I could ever let myself become like this can treat her so low.
This has left me in a state where I cannot look at myself anymore and need to change drastically. So I have quit all my bad habits of smoking and drinking and am working on weening off THC products. We have both talked many times about the things we would like to do and the places we want to visit and see so I have wanted to stop these things so that we could save more money and just to stop the habits in general.
Long story short..... I am here now looking for peoples input on those moments and experiences that they had where they felt loved and cared for by their partner. I would like ideas on possible dates and inspirational ideas of things we could experiment with and try. Anything would be helpful and great. She had expressed many times before how stressed she is with work but cannot quit and how much she cares for me and loves me but we just cannot find a way to relieve the stress and burden of waking up daily.

Here is an article I recently published on my Substack. If you'd rather read (or listen to an audio version) it outside of Reddit, you can do so here.
Why jump rope isn’t already touted as a leading running drill tool is completely beyond me. But then again…
I'm by no means an "experienced runner"—having started running in 2021 at the age of 34. So, at the time of this writing, about 3 years.
Despite this, I managed to silver-medal my age group in my first race ever.
And it was a 10k. And I was wearing barefoot-shoes.
And I had only been running before that race for about 3 months.
How the heck did I manage to pull this off?
The answer eluded me for a while. Then I remembered—ah, I’ve been jumping rope nearly every day for 2 years.
But how do those connect?
But first, why the heck would some guy start jumping rope at age 32?
About 2 years before I started running, I took up jump rope really just as a fun outdoor hobby.
Even though I was pretty inactive and a bit overweight, that’s not the reason I started skippin’.
One day, I came across some footage of boxer Lulu Hawton doing some jump rope training.
In addition to her seemingly effortless rope handling skills and rhythmic footwork, what caught my eye was a giant grin that spread across her face about 45 seconds into the video. While she was probably skipping to warm up for a match or a training session, something was abundantly clear.
She was having a blast.
And this was from a prize fighter! None of the usual boxer mean-mugging—she looked more like a kid on a carousel.
So, after buying a $10 jump rope on Amazon, I took to the driveway in my swim trunks (yes, I was so inactive, I didn’t own gym shorts).
And…whoo, did I suck.
After a few months of making puddles of sweat in my driveway as well as wheezing sounds so loud that I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t whistle EMS, I eventually got pretty decent at it.
And I lost about 45 pounds in 6 months—probably also from making some lifestyle changes merely to make jump rope less of a slog. Not the original plan, but hey, not too shabby.
After about a year, I found myself constructively critiquing other people’s beginner jump rope videos.

• “Unlock your boxer skip. Then you’ll be able to skip forever without getting tired.”
• “Here’s how to do Double-Unders, though they’re overrated.”
• “You’re skipping like it hurts. Relax and skip easy. Smile every once in a while and you’ll feel it all over.”

But how did that turn into running?
Though jumping rope is inherently enjoyable, 30-minute skipping sessions of staring at the wall without something in your headphones can be a bit drab.
One fateful day, about 2 years into being student of the jump rope, I began listening to the book Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen by Christopher McDougall.
Even before I got to the end of the book, running—just like jump rope— sounded fun**.**
Yeah, I know that sounds counterintuitive—unless you’ve read the book.
“I knew aerobic exercise was a powerful antidepressant, but I hadn’t realized it could be so profoundly mood stabilizing and — I hate to use the word — meditative. If you don’t have answers to your problems after a four-hour run, you ain’t getting them.”
Ok, ok—I’ll bite.
I proceeded to dive into all of the normal “Couch to 5k” running programs I could find and took my jump rope to a nearby park with a 1k walking path—sprinkling in running between jump rope sessions.
But something wasn’t adding up.
There was a lot of advice about walk-running to build endurance until one could run a block, two blocks, a mile.
Not to brag, but I wasn’t experiencing most beginner snags.
**“Ah, I know why—**I did most of my newbie wind-sucking two years ago!”
This isn’t to say I wasn’t still periodically sucking wind but after two years of consistent boxer skips and double-unders, getting gassed felt like part of the fun and not a medical emergency.
I also felt much springier than the average beginning runner—able to run for miles all over the city in the most minimal of footwear.
And so, I tried my hand at my first race—a donut-themed 10k. And silvered in my age group.
(Ok, there was only two of us…but my time was still respectable. 😂)
Running became an amazingly freeing activity, like getting my driver’s license for my legs.
But I still didn’t understand why running was coming easier to me than the average newcomer.
Digging still deeper, I unearthed another exciting revelation—this time from multi-decade sub-3-hour Boston Marathon runner and one of the foremost running experts on the planet, Dr. Mark Cucuzzella.
“Running with a jump rope is also an amazingly simple drill for posture, balance, and rhythm.”
In other words—form. Overall technique.
Digging a little keeper and experimenting on myself, I discovered just how similar proper running technique and proper jump rope technique were.
Both require:

• An upright, chest-leading, elbows-back, joint-stacked posture
• A soft mid-foot landing directly under your pelvis
• A quick loading and unloading of “leg springs” from your tendons and ligaments to reduce “stickiness” and wasted energy
• A proper supination (roll out) followed by a quick pronation (roll in) of the feet to help launch one’s body
• A steady core without dropping hips from side to side to reduce energy “leakage”

And so many other commonalities. The list unraveled before me on every run.
And like running, without proper technique, jumping rope just doesn’t work—though the consequences are different.
For a jump roper, due to the lower impact, the risk of injury is quite minimal.
Most newbie rope slingers will report sore calves, slightly tender Achilles tendons, and the odd shin splint if they go full Rocky at it. No need to worry, though—most of these injuries see themselves out as the skipper becomes more experienced.
However, for runners, the injury story is more severe.
The next time you’re at a park with a good path, take a seat on a bench and watch the runners. See if you can spot folks reaching far out in front of them with straightened legs—smashing heels into the pavement.
This style of running results in everything from screaming knees, plantar fasciitis, lower back pain, to hips issues.
But why do all of these occur to new runners, but rarely to new jump ropers?
Most new runners commit a major physiological no-no when they begin their running journey: they treat running like fast, aggressive, airborne walking.
“Well, what is it supposed to be?”
Synchronized jumping.
Simply put, proper running is nothing more than a series of coordinated single leg jumps through space with each landing compressing the springs for the next stride.
To compare this synchronized jumping to the aggressive airborne walking of heel-led running, you can test these in just a few seconds.
Step 1: Stand up.
Step 2: Kick off your shoes.
Step 3: Jump up and down three times.
How did you land?
Probably on your mid-foot, knee bent slightly, with your weight stacked above your pelvis.
And did you use your compressed “leg springs” to launch you into the following two jumps?
Oddly enough, if you were to add a jump rope to this, you would on your way to spinning side swings like Lulu Hawton.
If you were to take this same technique one foot at a time moving forward, you would be running in a way that increases speed, preserves stamina (springs!), and drastically decreases your likelihood of injury.
Let’s try the same test with a few tweaks.
This time, jump, but land on your heels.
Your knees probably remained fairly straight and you felt the impact in your ankles, knees, hips, and possibly even your lower back.
Now, imagine attempting to jump rope this way.
It simply doesn’t work.
Not only would there be no second jump due to the lack of spring but the pain would stop you in your tracks—even in cushioned shoes.
But if jump rope technique and proper running technique are nearly identical, what are aggressive heel landings doing in running?
While a jump roper landing on their heels would resemble Frankenstein’s monster in an express lane to an orthopedist, this is how many people perform the aggressive airborne walk—aka, a heel-striking, over-striding run.
But why do we run this way? Well, our shoes let us get away with it.
Thick heel cushioning and a bit of forward momentum do a great job of masking the pain of repeated blows against every joint up the chain—for a while, anyway. Eventually, the chickens come home to roost in the form of stress fractures, meniscus tears, plantar fasciitis, “runner’s knee,” IT-band syndrome, and more.
Not to brag (and maybe to knock on some wood), I have never experienced any of these injuries in my three years of running.
Is this because I’m some kind of running genius with all of the cheat codes? Haha, I wish! It’s simply sheer luck that I started out with jumping rope before running—an activity that shares the same injury-preventing techniques.
So, are the shoes totally to blame? No.
It is possible to run with proper form in shoes with raised, cushioned heels. But it’s not as easy.
When your heel is totally cushioned, you will be able to run with a heel strike in the same way you can hit your head against a brick wall while wearing a football helmet. And in both instances, it will eventually become less about the forces outside of the foam and more about the forces inside the cushion against each other that do the most damage.
“So, how can getting a jump rope help me become a better runner?”
Jump rope is a tremendous training tool for runners for the same reason why running barefoot can also be helpful—the feedback is immediate.
Though running with inefficient and injurious form is possible, the feedback from doing so isn’t so immediate. When it comes to jumping rope, however, you won’t get through too many skips if you don’t learn to utilize the springs in your legs. The rope doesn’t pull punches.
So, get a rope and get started.
If you’re new to jump rope, I would recommend acquiring two pieces of equipment.
Firstly, find a jump rope with a little bit, but not too much, weight to it. The weight will help you feel the position of the rope during it’s entire rotation and remain in better sync with your wrist spins
My favorite rope for this purpose is a 7mm PVC model called the Hererope, which costs a whopping $15. If you find this to be too thick or heavy, a cheap 5mm PVC model will work as well.
Secondly, to protect your rope and provide a nice jumping surface, I would recommend a large foam-rubber exercise mat. My favorite is a massive 78” mat for $32—which is probably the cheapest jump rope mat you will find.
When it comes to footwear, barefoot is ideal. This will help strengthen and mobilize your feet—including your likely overly-supported neglected arches.
And just how does one begin to jump rope?

• Keep a tall posture—imagining a string pulling you up from the crown of your head.
• Your chest should open, elbows back, hands about a fist’s width from your pockets.
• Jump from the balls of your feet, only high enough to clear the rope. When landing, let the skin of your heels “kiss” the floor—touching without taking on weight.
• Keep your knees slightly bent, using every landing to load your springs for the next take-off.
• Keep the cadence quick to maximize spring recoil. To help, listen to a song that’s at about 160 beats per minute, such as the song “Hey Ya” by Outkast (or a song of similar tempo) to get a feel for the speed for skipping rope. (For running, many recommend using “Rock Lobster” by the B-52s for cadence tempo reference.)

Start with short seasons hopping with both feet—maybe 30 seconds on, 30 seconds rest. Aim for minimal muscular activation, instead, using the recoil of your tendons and ligaments for suspension and launch as much as possible.
From jumping with both feet, move onto learning an alternating leg bounce—essentially a jog skip. Right, left, right, left—all while keeping an imaginary belt level with the horizon.
By now, you’re essentially running in place with an extremely efficient technique.
Now, apply your jump rope skills to your running!
This is going to seem quite bizarre, but it is possible (and even beneficial) to take your jump rope for a run.

• Start skipping rope on a road or path with the alternating leg bounce. Remember to keep your elbows back, shoulders relaxed, head pulled up as if tugged skyward by a string from your crown and your imaginary belt level with the horizon.
• Then, as though leaning forward just enough to give someone a kiss or have an imaginary umbilical cord lightly tugged, begin to jump rope forward.
• Remember to continue to land and load on your mid-foot—aiming to keep your weight under your pelvis just like skipping rope. Landing on your heels will likely snag the rope and keep your foot on the ground too long.
• As you proceed with this, remember how it feels—the quick foot turnover, the posture, the recoil in your leg springs, the core stability, and the lightness of it.
• In the middle of doing this, simply toss the handles behind you and keep running as though it was still there—still pretending to spin the handles.
• At a comfortable stopping point, run back to your rope—now using your hands in a wood-chop motion to counter balance your leg bounces while keeping your pelvis (imaginary belt) level and stable.

And there you have it!
You may find it quite helpful to return to this drill once or twice a week. Also if you find your form slipping a bit or becoming slugging mid-run, feel free to skip imaginary rope to try to correct your technique mid-stride. It will restore lightness and springiness to your running.
I still find myself bringing my wrists to my pockets and spinning imaginary jump rope handles if I feel my technique is collapsing a bit or if my running is becoming less springy.
And remember, most importantly—have fun. 👍
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You can also:

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Almost 3 weeks ago I broke up with my bf of 3 years. Not because I didn't love him anymore, but because he treated me really bad. This made me feel alone in the relationship and the trust was gone because of his lies. He is not at all a bad person or evil don't get that from this. After the first year together we wanted to study together but he couldn't get in and I did. The period after I felt very alone and I was trying to fix it all on my own, he didn't really communicate. I ended up emotionally cheating for 1 week because I needed compagnionship. After that we were never the same ever again. This happened 1,5 years ago. In the year after I really had to constantly prove myself and I really improved as a gf, but not to the point I want to get at.
Last august he moved to my parents house to start a study closer to me. I said I didn't want to do long distance anymore or I would break up. I couldn't come to him, I would've done that if that was a possibility. He didn't come up with alternatives or communicate his feelings whats so ever. When he was finally here he barely went to school, didn't do sport or social activities, he only started to work in january and used gaming as a coping mechanism. He neglected the relationship and himself. So after a long period of this and more I decided to end things. My psychologist said I was enabling his depression and I didn't want to do that. So I told him to go back to his own country. Since then he has been even more cold and distant.
We did end things with we love eachother a lot but it wasn't working like this. I asked for a week of space and to call after. We finally called after 1,5 weeks and it didn't go as I hope it would. He said he wanted to give me this call because I never got closure with my previous boyfriend. But he was cold and distant and not very interested in me. He also didn't want to discuss the relationship or certain things that happened. I was relieved with my decision because since he left my life was easier, because I was always trying to make him happy or fix his issues. But I did hope we could become friends after a while or get back together after we both went through therapy. Because we have a lot in common and want the same things in life so I thought maybe then we can make it work then.
I kinda was hoping it could be a really nice emotional talk in which we were both looking forward to the future regardless of what the future is. Becoming friends later on and keeping the door slightly open. But he was distant, he agreed on maybe keeping in touch a bit and like I could maybe visit him after my exams. But he was talking about a closed door and not wanting to be friends when he finds someone else etc. He also dyed his hair and made some new friends. It feels like he did a full 180 on the guy I knew 2 weeks ago. I really thought sending him away and stop enabling his depression would finally make him want to be the boyfriend I needed. But over the phone he said he fell out of love with me after I emotionally cheated and that he loved me less and less over time. But if I think about how it was and when I look at pictures he was definitely still obsessed with me, but mostly physical. I feel like he is completely changed and slipping away from me. I dont know what to do, it feels like my heart is on fire and I cant breath.

The first time, he was on tinder only put pictures with his body showing (he is in great shape) he was on tinder for a year and a half and only met up with one person on the side of the road, at night, going on a run. It took a year for me to ever be intimate with him again. Just recently, these past three months I have finally felt content and I was hopeful for our marriage. I told him I forgive him fully and never loved him more. We have been through a lot of traumatic things together and asked to never hurt me again.
An old friend of mine messaged me a few days ago, with a tinder profile of my husband. This time 7 photos of him fighting and shirtless and in his underwear showing his face. She matched him and she asked about me, he unmatched her. I confronted him he said. That we do not have enough sex and he wanted more and he was only 30% sure he was going to follow through with it and was only on it 4 days before getting caught. He did not try to cheat on me when we had no sex for a year. Suddenly I start having sex with him again and he said it made him want more. I just had a major surgery 4 months ago for a rare compression. I also have more health issues and another medical procedure coming up.
We have a young child together who is very clingy. My husband works 46-50 hour weeks. But we have gotten a lot of financial help from my father’s money who died 3 weeks before my son was born. So he isn’t the only one that contributes to our household. He even had to take my car because he didn’t want to pay to fix his. But still I am grateful and praise him for his hard work. When he gets home, I have eveything taken care of, dinner made so he can just relax for an hour and then we have to get ready for bed. Our child is about to start kindergarten, I told him it will be easier to have some time together then. I also have taught our son to read, write, add, subtract, and he knows his multiplications already before even going to school. I put a lot of my energy into our child. I quit drinking and smoking when I found out I was pregnant and never touched it again. I understand what it’s like to have an itch. I just never acted on mine.
Unfortunately, our sex life is not the greatest. Mostly it consists of oral and hand jobs at most 5 times a week. They are short lived as my son will ask for me. I’m still scared of penetration since he gave me an sti last time that spread to my reproductive organs. But I have had it. I feel like he would cheat regardless, but I still feel at fault. We had a long talk where I got him to stop saying if we had more he would not of looked to cheat, that it was about variety that’s what it was about last time. He also thought if he scratched the itch and actually had a good experience sleeping with other people that he would be able to stop thinking about it. I told him it would do the opposite as when he cheated the last time he had issues getting hard with me.
I feel like an idiot typing this out. He’s a good father. I don’t think I can ever trust him again. Divorce is not an option for me. He now agrees with me and says he is happy he got caught now because he would have made things worse. I can’t help feeling that some of it is my fault though. That I am not giving enough. I asked how much he would need then to not cheat and he said “every day, I don’t know.” And he said it has to be vaginal sex. He can’t even give me straight answers. I don’t think he could have sex everyday with his work schedule and a girl on tinder, but who knows. I don’t know what I’m asking after. Just if anyone can decipher this mess and give me some sort of advice on how to come to terms with this situation.

I have worked for Target for 8 years, I have 4 year prior management experience and 4 years construction experience.
I started out on Inbound and Electronics, I've been a DBO/DPO, backroom team member and am currently working P-fresh, I helped set up the stores ship form store and am the bike buildetrainer, I'm cross trained in every department at my own initiative (including receiving). I worked the truck for 4 years and ran it for 2 (while the TL was busy cheating on his wife with team members and covering for his buddies who got paid to stand around and talk). I got passed over when he left for a guest service TL who had never even touched a box of freight. Then they had me train him on how to work inbound.
I continued to run inbound under this new TL until he went on his paternity leave, he put my name forward for the tempt TL position and Instead our SD put a team member in charge who'd been there about 5 months (I also trained him on working truck). Then when the TL got promoted to ETL he, another TL and another ETL put my name forward for the position and she still said no. Said I wasn't a team player.
I refused to run the truck anymore and switched to POG. Worked there for 2 years until they decided to put me on our remodel team to show I could lead a team (in preparation for being a PML), by every account I did an amazing job! Half way through the remodel our overnight TL moved, they decided to temp promote a softlines team member from another store who had zero relevant experience (the remodel was logistics and gen merch based). They expected me to "support the new leader in their development", so I spent the rest of remodel babysitting and cleaning up after her.
After the remodel was over our PML (my mentor) was promoted to ETL, I applied for his position and was denied the roll because they "didn't want to promote from within the same store". The PML I was applying to replace was promoted to the position from within our store but ok I guess. They say "we have another PML position opening up in 6 months due to retirement!" so I'm told to wait for that one. I wait 6 months and that PML delays his retirement. He does this 2 more times until he finally retires next month!
Last week I had to interview again and the interviews went great! But I find out today they decided to go with a "more experienced candidate".
I'm done.
They have made it clear that there is ZERO incentive for their senior staff to continue working hard and putting in effort for this company. They pay team members who've been here practically 5 minutes the same as those who've been here decades and give shit for raises. Target claims it's about family, it's a joke.
TLDR: Target promotes people who can kiss ass the best instead of people who can actually do the job

I was born on Feb. 24th 1996 and thought I would share a list of 10 things which I feel made up some of my childhood (everything I refer to will be cultural, not entirely personal). I’d love to hear how many people also experienced these things regardless of your age. Also feel free to share defining moments of your childhood!

1. Beanie babies. Although the “craze” occurred in my earliest years of life, beanie babies made up an important part of my childhood. We had at least 150+ that my mom began collecting around 1994 (I have older sisters born in 1990 and 1993). We continued getting new beanie babies throughout the early 2000s. I distinctly remember going to toys r us in 1999 for beanie babies and having to wait hours in a line- it was miserable, I was three. My mom never got sucked into a craze like that again lol.
   
2. Gameboy Advance SP which I got for Christmas ‘03. I played Zelda, Mario and Kirby. Then, Nintendo DS- Nintendogs and Super Mario Bros 64 were my favorite games.
   
3. Barbie’s. I even got the OG pregnant Barbie with the magnetic belly in 2003 before it was pulled from shelfs, and it was my favorite Barbie of all. I specifically recall getting it from toys r us and being so excited! I would spend hours playing with them, making up elaborate stories and situations for them.
   
4. The Sims 1-4. The Sims 1, along with Freddie Fish and Spy Fox, was one of my first computer games. I played it before I could read well, so 5 and 6. I gave every single one of my Sims’s the same name because it was the only one I knew how to spell other than my own (it was Anna for guys and gals lol).
   
5. Cable TV. Here’s one I’m sure I’ll share with everyone born before like ‘07. Nickelodeon, Disney, Cartoon Network, ABC and Animal Planet primarily from 1998-2007, so whatever shows aired during that time I watched (even those that weren’t targeted for my age due to having older sisters). In middle and high school (2007-2014) I mostly watched Fox (not news), ABC, reality shows, discovery Channel, Animal Planet, MTV, Comedy Central and Adult Swim. Around 2012 or 2013 I mostly used streaming. My favorite show in high school was Skins and I modeled my life after Effy- I turned out okay though I swear. Adding to this section, VHS, DVDs and Blockbuster were also a huge part of my childhood. We walked to blockbuster frequently as a family until I was 11 or so.
   
6. Tamagotchis. These guys had a huge resurgence in the mid-00s. I brought mine everywhere with me and most pics of me from 04-06 include at least two tamagotchis somewhere lol.
   
7. Home phones and Feature phones. Got my first flip phone for my 12th bday, got a slide both ways phone when I was 14, a knock off blackberry when I was 15, and my first iPhone at 17 in summer-2013 before my senior year. All of my phones before my iPhone were pay as you go phones so I pretty much only talked on my house phone until I was a senior in HS. My sisters and I got our own landline in 2005 and it was a fight everyday. I’d talk to my best friends for HOURS almost everyday, and usually one of my sisters would be listening in on the other phone 🙄
   
8. iPods. I first pirated music from Limewire, then from YouTube to MP3. Starting with the second gen IPod Nano in 2006 (prior to this I only used CDs) and ending with the iPod touch 4th gen in 2010 which i used until I got my first iPhone. I probably spent months of my life pirating music from 2006-2013.
   
9. Robot animals. Furby. Shelby. Poo-Chis. RoboBaby. Fur Real Friends. I LOVED every robot animal and they were a huge trend for kids in the late 90s-mid 00s. I 100% believe games such as nintendogs ended this trend.
   
10. Flashlight hide and seek, kickball, capture the flag with neighbors. It seemed like every neighborhood had a group of kids that would meet up regularly to play these games in large groups throughout the 2000s. I have no idea when this disappeared, but i continued this until 09, then I outgrew it. After ‘09 I barely ever saw kids playing in the field we used. It’s like it just died with the 2000s.
    

I could obviously go on but I’ll leave it there!

A month or so ago I busted my phone, and it was a huge pain in the ass. Aside from some lost data which was minor, the biggest PIA was resetting MFA, getting in touch with my US banks, and any other services that were tied to my phone. The experience also made me take a step back and realize I am pretty lax with security, and if someone had gotten hold of my phone and somehow god-forbid gotten the passcode, then I'd be fucked. They could do so much damage with unlimited access to my email + MFA SMS, even in just a few hours.
As a result, I kind of went down the ADHD rabbit hole hyper-fixating on how best to "optimize" my iPhone and iCloud configuration for two things:

1. If it breaks, the transition to a new device will be relatively painless. I won't have to spend several days stressing and trying to find the right international customer support number for a myriad of institutions and services to get into my accounts.
   
2. If it gets stolen and compromised, then there will be enough barriers such that the I'll have enough time to lock down the device and/or my accounts remotely before the thief can get key data or move funds.
   

So I put together this guide and checklist that I thought I'd share with others. I am a programmer but by no means a security guru, and so if any IT, DevOps, or SecOps folks want to chime-in with suggestions or improvements, please do.

Requirements

• an iPhone XR, iPhone XS, iPhone 11, iPhone 12, iPhone 13, iPhone SE (2nd generation), and iPhone 14 or newer for eSIM compatibility.
• a US-based carrier with eSIM support + a pay-as-you-go model for international travel (I use Verizon)
• iOS 17 or above (may not be strictly necessary, but I know my setup works with iOS 17.4.1)
• a password manager. I personally use 1Password because it works, is reliable, has cross-device support, and is easy and intuitive. It's also only $3/month.

Dual Sim Setup

I have been rocking an iPhone 12 for the past few years, and it's served me very well. I know the newer iPhones (14 and up) no longer offer physical SIM card support, but carriers in most developing countries are behind the curve. Even if they offer eSIM support, it's been my experience that it's a major headache to get setup, there is a lack of customer support in English, and they may even require a local ID to register the eSIM. It's way easier to just head to a shop and pay $5 for a SIM card, load some funds onto it, and then you're good to go.
The eSIM has been very helpful for maintaining a US phone number for which I can receive SMS texts from my banks and other financial services as well as continue to use iMessage with all my US contacts since hardly anybody is on Whatsapp.
Most, if not all, carriers in the US support eSIMs now, and so you should try to find a carrier that offers an international pay-as-you-go plan. Verizon offers two international plans - one is a "Travel Pass" where it's a flat fee of $10/day anywhere outside the US or Canada (even for just one text message). The other is "pay for what you use" which has a rate per text, minute, and mb. For my US plan, I only care about receiving SMS texts from my banks and the occasional phone call to a service that doesn't have an international, toll-free number. Data will always be cheaper outside the US, so I disable cellular data switching for my US line.
The last time I was in the US was for the holidays and I bought 2 used iPhone 12's for about $200 each. They have some scuffs, but they're perfectly serviceable. In LATAM, it also doesn't attract nearly as much unwanted attention in the street as an iPhone 14 or 15.
I brought these with me as extra devices. When my phone busted last month, thankfully I had a backup in iCloud and everything was loaded in a few minutes as normal. This was before I was using the eSIM, but if I had the eSIM I could just go to Verizon support online via chat and they could help me switch the line to the new device easily.

Basic Configurations

• Always use the latest version of firmware
• Require a passcode that's unique to that device.
• Use FaceID instead of passcode when possible (a thief can't snipe your passcode from a distance if you unlock your phone with FaceID)
• Set auto-lock to 30 seconds (lowest possible)
• Erase data upon excessive passcode failures note, this is complemented in a later step with daily backups. The odds of you putting in the wrong passcode 10 times is low, but in the event you do and you wipe the device by accident, you should be able to easily load in a back-up from the previous day)
• Turn off "Ask to Join Networks"
• Forget unused networks so that you don't rejoin automatically (airports, hotels, etc.)

Creating Backups

• Set iCloud backups to run automatically every night. This will allow you to load your entire phone as is (contacts, call history, iMessages, apps, even your wallpaper) onto another device during setup. The iCloud backup usually runs at 2am while I'm sleeping.
• You may need to pay for a higher tier in iCloud if you have too much stored on your phone. It's $3/month for 200gb of iCloud storage, and I find it worth it. Though I know some people with tens of thousands of photos for which 200gb might not be enough.

Password Policy

• For any accounts that may contain sensitive data (payments, PII, etc), always generate a unique password with 1Password. Don't reuse passwords. Same goes for PIN codes.
• For core accounts, create a strong but memorable password and then memorize it. The odds of getting locked out of 1Password are low if you're diligent, but for 2 or 3 core accounts (where you access money, your primary recovery email, your iCloud, 1Password), it's worth it to create strong, unique passwords for each core service and memorize them.
• I try not to reuse passwords in general, but I still sometimes am lazy and use one of my handful of typical passwords if there's no sensitive data collected by the service and it's a service I don't use often.

MFA

Set up MFA with everything. Add multiple options if possible. My preferred MFA options are as follows:

1. One-time code that renews every 30 seconds. This is device agnostic and can be stored in 1Password. You could also use Microsoft Authenticator, Google Authenticator, Authy or similar, but there's just more overhead to now recover those accounts if your device becomes inaccessible.
2. One-time code to recovery email.
3. One-time code via SMS to my US phone number. On the pay-as-you-go Verizon plan, I only pay 5 cents per text message received. It's worth it to keep one consistent number.
4. List of recovery codes (stored in 1Password as an attached txt file for the given account)
5. Use another app for verification (Google does this a lot).

Lockdown your iCloud security

• Enable MFA.
• Create a strong, unique password.
• Remove any old or unused devices from the iCloud account (old phones, ipods, etc).
• Enable "Find My" for all of your devices.
• In Find My, configure all devices to send the last known location.
• In Find My, enable the configuration to remotely wipe a device.

In the event your phone is stolen, the idea is you could run back to any of your devices or even use a friend's device to log into iCloud on the web, go to Find My, and then in a single button click you can lock and wipe the stolen device. If the thief turned off the device or disabled wifi/cellular, then as soon as it comes back online it will be wiped.

Final Clean-Up

• Move any compromising photos to the "hidden" folder (which requires FaceID or passcode to unlock)
• Review the Files app for any documents containing sensitive info. If you need these documents to be accessible on mobile, then move them to 1Password and delete them from the Files app.
• Create a shortcut to trigger the lock screen (and thus require FaceID or passcode) when specific apps are opened (banking, email, photos, etc).
• Not sure if this is best practice, but I just keep everything in 1P and turn off apple keychain and the apple built-in password manager. I also don't save passwords in Chrome or Safari.

Extra tips

These aren't really iPhone tips but general tips. They are probably obvious to you if you aren't as scatterbrained as me, but I figured that I'd drop them here in case they help someone.

• Add thorough security measures to iCloud, primary email, and any banking or financial services. Review each account and make sure you have a strong, unique password as well as a unique PIN, MFA configured, login alerts, recovery codes, and an international, 24-hour toll-free phone number stored somewhere to contact the service in the event of a crisis. For banking services, add withdrawal limits, regional restrictions (if you bounce between the same few countries), and SMS notifications for charges over a certain threshold. Open up a second checking account with a separate debit card for trips to the ATM.
• Consolidate and close any unused bank accounts. I realized that on my phone I had Revolut, Venmo, Paypal, Nequi, plus 4 US banking institutions. I took this time to close my Discover account (which is pretty much useless outside the US anyway), close my Revolut account since I'm hardly ever in the UK/EU, and consolidate investment accounts from different institutions into just a handful that's easier to monitor.

Hello guys,
I just reached plat 4 from bronze 2 and finally broke the ceiling after going insane playing Crit Sivir with the so called "best crit builds" that are recommended on the league websites, and I found a solution.
Here is my experience, and it's probably not yours because it is well known that all the players from the League and Sivir subreddit are Diamond 4 minimum, and I'm probably wrong, but hey, you read this far so...
So... Let's start with WHY Sivir?
AA range : The only squishy champ with no dash and a 500 range (kog has the W steroid). ALL the other ADC with that range have some sort of movement abilities (Lucian/Zeri/Akshan/Samira)
Passive : Useless as fuck, anything will outrun you, nobody even knows what the Sivir passive does and for good reason, it's probably one of the worst of the game
W : Good lane cleaner, super mana expensive so you better invest in a Tear for early or be careful to optimize the waveclear
E : Good spell shield but not even the best spellshield out there. Samira is 10 times better (I freaking hate Samira) and a much better champion if you want to deal damage like it's intended
R : Shurelya but worse, at least you have the - 0.5s refresh on AA because otherwise this is a pretty terrible ult.
So you guessed it, the ONLY reason to play her is the Q spell. That thing has a HUGE range BUT it's tricky... You need to land it without touching minions AND back and forth.
Good supp can help you achieve that with CC but remember, you're in low elo so don't count on that too much obv.
This demonstration will explain how we're going to exploit that.
So what should you play?
Runes
Sorcery
Aery : Nobody is playing by the rules, and you can land aery with your W which sound like cheating, but with a champion like that you'll need some. Landing a clean back and forth Q with that rune and you will deal good damage.
ManaFlow band : Mana will be scarce, because Riot wanted to be sure nobody would be playing this champ, so you have to find solutions if you wanna keep spamming Qs into the ennemies.
Celerity : Logical considering every steroid you have is bad movespeed, at least with that you get a little bit more.
Scorch or Gathering Storm : This one depends on the meta... Korean challenger are playing Scorch to optimize the damage from Q, but I feel like the gathering storm is great in long games.
Inspiration
Magical Footwear : Again, speed has to be optimize or any toplaner with outrun you.
Biscuit Delivery : I was wondering why this rune was so important and oh boy, when you need to last hit and your nautilus support is 10 miles behind you and you take an awful amount of poke, this is a lifeline.
Shards
Attack Speed/AD/Bonus health, this one is pretty standard.
Summs : Take Flash/TP, not Ghost (your range is too short for kiting without a support). TP allows you to keep a consistent farm, go top to push the lane of your afk/typing 0/9 Yasuo top, and TP back to push your lane given up by your roaming 0/5 support. Other options are for duelist (see my point in the Build section)
Build
Alright, this is where I'm not going to make any friend.
SIVIR IS NOT A DUELIST. She never will be. Maybe if you get super fed you can compete but you'll never outdamage a Vayne/Twitch/Draven, this is not possible.
SO BUILDING CRIT AS A MAIN SOURCE OF DAMAGE WILL NEVER GET YOU ANYWHERE. At least in low elo without a duo. It's straight up impossible.
So my recommended build is... LETHALITY SIVIR.
Take Youmuu's blade first item. I swear I'm not kidding. This item is insanely worth it. You have perma out of combat ms/Active 6 second 15% ms (not decaying like your useless passive) boosted by the celerity rune (go back to lane faster, so more farm, better map presence). The lethality is great to poke bot, great damage, the ONLY issue is the lack of crit, but Riot hates crit so there is that.
Second item : AS boots, as usual nothing fancy here.
Third item: Take the Collector (Lethality AND Crit ? Sign me up!). Great passive as well to finish off opponent. Remember that your team will never let you any kills in low elo, so you have to get everything you can to land the final blow.
Fourth item is Black Cleaver, again a broken interaction, since you can apply the armor debuff with the bouncing W, you get the MS, the health to tank a bit for assassins, an overall great item for Sivir.
This is your CORE BUILD : meaning this will allow you to stand a chance against the fed enemy team, because you will be able to output damage BEFORE they had the occasion of landing everything they have to gapclose you.
You will be able to farm so much more than relying on a support to put you safe during the laning phase. (Youmuu and collector lethality will insta clear waves, even if your support afk, you will be able to give a hard time to the enemy botlane)
Since you're not relying on crit, the rest of the build can be adapted, depending on the enemy comp. Usually IE/Malmortius/RFC or PD/GA then selling boots for a final item if necessary.
Don't forget that Sivir is a LATE GAME beast, you should farm as much as possible, so when you reach late and get some kills, you'll probably need to transition to crit (since lethality falls off late), but this is not the case in most of the games decided by the 20 minutes mark.
TLDR : Don't play Sivir Crit in low elo. (ok maybe for patch 14.10 all of this will become irrelevant)
Thank you for reading through this, maybe this will convince some players to try her out, because she really feels awful with a standard build rn.
OP7

I have an in-unit washer dryer and every once in a while I’ll find something not ours- like a small sock or even a pair of tiny underwear once. We even found sunflower seeds in our dryer. Before anyone suggests this I do want to rule out the obvious which is cheating- my husband and I are very much in love and he also physically does not have the time to do so as we both work full time with similar hours and he’s the one who texted me asking about the random sunflower seeds. I’m such a paranoid person I really am worried about someone coming into our apartment but I just feel like our dog would bark if it was during the night or something? We also found sunflower seeds on the stairway leading down to the first floor so I don’t know if we could have just tracked them in somehow and put them in the machine or what but we dont wash our shoes which is like the only thing that could have touched them. We’ve been living here for 6 months.

I am trying to make this easy and to the point. I would like a couple friends to game with on a regular basis. I am in PST time zone and have a lot of free time and a large gaming library.
Games I am looking to play with a couple people:
-V Rising - I have a few hours sunk in but want to do it with a few people who want to work at a moderate pace. I play on Normal or Relaxed not doing brutal also not doing PvP.
-Destiny 2 - I am an OG player and been doing a few onslaught lately to try and get some gear. I have a ton of random stuff I can and would like to do if people are available. Also not doing PvP and not much of a raider.
- Last Epoch - Have about 140 hours invested playing with random builds. Wanting to do a primalist or archer build.
-Diablo 4 - New season starts tomorrow and while I have not touched the game in a while I had 60+ hours in it prior and wanting to check out the new changes and things.
-Path of Exile - Just redownloaded, have about 80 hours invested but never really played with others so would be an interesting experience.
I also have a bunch of consoles and games I play there but overall I am looking for a couple people I can vibe with that mesh well with my playstyle and personality so we can just chill.
I am not looking to join discord servers. I am left leaning so if that does not align with you in some way we are probably not a fit.
If you decide to reach out please message or chat me, I do not respond to comments and its just a faster way of getting a reply.
Take Care
​

I was with my first love for 3 and a bit years, we met in late 2010 before we broke up 10 years ago in early 2014. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out.
I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy after me for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.
After her breakup in 2017 I confessed my feelings for her but we didn't go anywhere with it as she was still healing so I told her I need to cut her off at the point because I told her I was struggling to be just friends with her, to which she said that she was heartbroken that's it come to us parting ways. But we wished each other well and went our separate ways. I was really at my lowest at that point but have come a really long way since in terms of having a successful career and have improved a lot financially and mentally.
At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her, I regretted deleting her afterwards.
At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around a year and a half ago. A few monthds ago I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. They got divorced around early 2022.
As for me I did get in to another relationship with someone else but I was also cheated on so I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and have recently started a new chapter in my career. I considered getting in touch with her a few months ago but I noticed that she had cut off a lot of people from her social media so I wasnt too sure how she'd react to me adding her, I thought she'd reject me seen as she's cutting off a lot of people.
So around 3 months ago I took the plunge seen as I had nothing to lose and sent her a request on instagram, and she has accepted and also followed me back. She's been viewing my stories and a month ago I posted a life quote on my story which she liked, I haven't spoke to her yet. I posted a few pictures of myself which she hasn't liked but A few weeks ago I posted a quote on my story that said 'be the reason for someone's pain to turn into a smile', she liked that quote and also another one that I posted last week. It was my birthday a few days ago and she liked a birthday story that I posted on instagram. I'm limiting the amount of posts that I like of hers because I don't want to seem too forward.
I'm assuming she is single but not entirely sure. I added her 3 months ago but she deleted me, I was confused because she only liked one of my stories few days prior. I would have liked to see if there was future for us but don't think she's interested now, i have messaged her saying 'Hi, hope your well. I probably should have said something a long time ago but I didn't, my fault. I've been praying for you, today I realise I've been deleted anyways I hope your keeping happy and healthy'. She replied saying 'Hey I'm good thanks hope you are too, that is kind of you, I didn't expect this kind of message'.
I didn't really know what to say back to her, I still don't understand why she deleted me even though days before she was showing an interest in my stories before and now she's deleted me. I have just replied saying 'that's good. Sorry for catching you off guard with it, I wanted to reach out to you earlier. I'm glad your doing well though' and now she has replied back saying 'can I ask why?' I replied back saying 'It's been on my mind for a while to get back in touch with you, I didn't add you for no reason. But we don't need to if it's not something your comfortable with'. She has now sent a long message as follows: 'You don’t make me feel uncomfortable. I have thought about you over the years and wished you well.
I removed you because you have my ex and his family on your instagram and I removed everyone who has any contact with them. You will have heard that I was married there for a short period of time but it was hell and now I’m out of it I don’t want them knowing anything about my life, so I removed everyone who has any link with them. I didn’t realise till that day that you did. It was nothing to do with you personally.' .
Im not actually friends with her ex husband as he is just someone that lives nearby to me and we have never spoken so I have now replied with this: 'I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I hope your okay and I pray god brings you ease. I wouldn't exactly say I have anything to do with them personally though, only thing I know about them is that they're from my area too. It makes sense now and it's understandable why you did that.'
She has replied back again saying 'I'm great, God is the best of planners and it was the best thing for me. Even so, I removed everyone who had us both so sorry about that' and to which I have replied 'That's fair enough, I'm glad to hear your doing well though and that your at peace now. That's what matters most'. She had now asked 'how have you been, what's new with you?' I have just replied saying 'I'm not too bad thanks, life's changed a lot since we last spoke so there's quite a lot that's new lol'. That was few nights ago, and after that we were speaking generally about the holiday that I'm currently on and what to do as she has been here before too and she also asked how long I'm there for, it was in general a short and civilised conversation.
She ended the conversation 6 nights ago by liking my last message, I don't know if she plans to message me again as she did take a few hours to reply between each message, What are the chances that she'll message me even if we don't follow each other on instagram anymore. I am slightly anxious that she won't message me after this due to her deleting me because her ex is on my Instagram. Was thinking of just giving her space for a few more days, then deleting her ex and requesting her back in around a weeks time.

This is party 2 of a discussion regarding how poly could have been handled a little better in BG3. I recommend you read through the first part here: https://new.reddit.com/BaldursGate3/comments/1crb2s7/how_the_polyamory_could_have_been_handled/ so you can get context and I sound like less of a rambling weirdo.
​
Astarion:
Out of all the discussions, people were the most confused by this choice. Not only does making him poly at the last minute feel contrary to a lot of statements he himself makes throughout his romance arc, but it also runs counter to what other characters say about him and his backstory as a whole. He is one of the most insecure characters in the game, he was trained for two hundred years to lie in order to avoid punishment, and he has far more trauma and healing to do than the other characters. Astarion is the most likely to lie about the Halsin relationship in order to avoid appearing weak or demanding. Out of the poly players who expressed disappointment, Astarion was the one that bothered them the most, since many felt he wasn’t fully consenting.
Most of my reasons for why he’s not a good poly option (from a development standpoint) have already been stated in earlier sections, so most of this will be spent diving into the “Is he fine with poly or not?” debate, which had me intrigued. (This will be the longest section and won’t be as connected to the overall topic, so if you want to skip to the Halsin part, feel free.)
I’ll start with the main arguments I see defending him being poly.
Argument 1: He says he’s fine with Halsin and the twins, so we should take him at his word.
While this can definitely be argued, and it’s not good to treat an adult man like a baby, his constant lying as a defense mechanism and current issues with sex/relationships do need to be taken into account (if not by the players then at least by the developers). There were plenty of people (some of them victims of SA) who talked about their own experience of tolerating poly because they were scared of their partner leaving or finding them too demanding/narrow minded. This led to their self-esteem and views on relationships growing worse rather than better. For someone like Astarion, who outright admits he has never had a healthy relationship and doesn’t want to lose this one, it’s understandable that people view his response as a coping mechanism rather than his own genuine feelings. There were also two different mental health professionals who reminded players that although a few victims of abuse do enter poly relationships, statistically most do not and it is far more common for them to agree to poly relationships out of pressure (which often make the person’s mental issues even worse in the long run).
Argument 2: He claims to be fine with open relationships during Act 1.
This is countered by the fact that everything he says about himself in Act 1 is a lie (unless he’s specifically talking about Cazador). He lies about wanting to sleep with you, he lies about his identity until he bites you, he claims to only care about sex (then later admits it makes him feel disgust and loathing), and he brags about his former conquests (which you later find out he regrets and feels guilt over). His statements that he’s fine with open relationships are made when choosing between him and another Origin character in Act 1 or 2, but this is also said at a time when his act is still up and he isn’t in love with the player. If you choose between him and another Origin character AFTER he confesses and let’s his guard down, he insists that he is NOT fine with sharing. “You’ve decided to replace me?” If the player says they care about both him and the other person, he’ll say, “Don’t give me that. I can see what this is.” Then he promptly breaks up with them. This second reaction is not only said using his genuine voice (whereas before he was still using his fake one), but a few poly people mentioned that this isn’t a normal reaction from someone who is fine with poly.
This isn’t to shame people who want to think Astarion is fine with it, or to judge players who went through with the poly relationship. Instead, this is once again asking the developers why they chose this option, rather than someone who wouldn’t spark so much debate or remind abuse victims of their past without giving them a dialogue option to address it. (This is a similar issue with Astarion’s brothel scene. They should have either removed it by having him say he’s not comfortable again, or at the very least, let players talk to him about it after.)
I think it’s pretty clear that after reading the discussions and evidence both sides provided, I myself lean heavily to one side. However, the main defense I personally have for the opposite side is that the writers were sometimes vague about Astarion’s true preferences and wishes. I especially felt this during the origin playthrough, where his narrator would constantly flip between him liking hedonism and despising it. It gave the impression that two opposing authors were wrestling while writing him, unable to decide where he truly stood on things. It felt similar to how the devs tried to write a respectful story of overcoming abuse and the fear of being sexualized, only to turn around and repeatedly sexualize the character in both the game and promotional material. I really wish the writers and developers had picked a lane and stuck with it.
Now I’ll get into the evidence for the counter theory: That he’s not actually open to sharing, but says he’s fine with it to avoid appearing weak or losing his partner. I personally prefer this theory because it makes the writing seem more intentional, adds more nuance to an already complex character, and feels more realistic. However, even if this is what the writer or actor were trying to convey, it’s still a far worse alternative to simply keeping him out of the poly options in the first place.

1. His hedonistic playboy persona is stated to be a façade. Anything he says in act one about being poly and wanting open relationships is stated when he is both wearing his mask and before he trusts the player. Every statement about relationships here has to be taken with a grain of salt because his mask is centered around attracting victims for Cazador. Since he hated bringing “sweet innocents” to his master, it makes sense that he would initially try to attract the opposite (“criminals and brothel goers”) by sleeping around and making a show of wanting casual relationships.
   
2. Once he gets comfortable in the relationship, he makes it clear he is looking for someone who will make him feel safe and value him for his personality over his body (“I don’t want you to think of me in terms of sex. I don’t think I want anyone to.” “How do you want me to see you?” “As a person. Is that so much to ask?”). If the player chooses to sexualize him, he will go through with it, then regret it later and break up. He makes it very clear in Act two that he’s not actually looking for casual hookups because they make him feel “ashamed and alone”. So it is odd that he’s fine with Halsin (who seems to care more about the sex and the body than the emotional bonding) and the brothel (which is solely about sex). One can argue that he’s fine with the poly relationship because he’s not taking part, but Halsin DOES wish for him to take part ‘eventually’.
   
3. Jumping off of that, Astarion’s dialogue makes it clear he wants a partner who cares about more than just sex, but if you tell him you want to date Halsin solely for the sex (and because Astarion’s not doing it with you), he will say that’s fine and he doesn’t mind the player seeking sex from others. This seems to counter his previous statements and arc. It’s especially strange that even if you reinforce his greatest insecurity (that his refusal to have sex has made his partner immediately seek out other people), he will still claim to be fine with it.
   
4. In terms of dialogue, the actor for Astarion seems to be very intentional when using the fake theatrical masking voice vs. the more genuine softspoken voice he uses when he’s comfortable and being honest. The fake voice is blatantly obvious throughout the Act 1 romance, in Act 2 if you force him to obey the blood merchant (his voice goes from genuinely scared to flirtatious and over the top within seconds), and in Cazador’s mansion where he’ll speak genuinely to you, then be over the top when addressing Cazador’s servants. He’ll often use jokes and loud laughter to conceal his true feelings and insecurities. Meanwhile his laughter in the confession scene, graveyard scene, and Spawn epilogue is quiet and subdued because he’s being genuine. It feels like a strange coincidence that when addressing both the Halsin situation and the brothel situation, his voice becomes very loud and high pitched again, he immediately starts making jokes, and his laughter is over the top. This hints at him not wanting to go along with either situation, but he’s putting himself through it because this is what his partner wants and since he’s tolerated sexual stuff he hated before, he can do it again. Plus, after killing Cazador, he wants to ensure no one views him as weak. He has to prove to himself and his lover (at least in his mind) that refusing to take the Ascendant powers was good and he’s strong enough to not need it. I can understand players not picking up on the voice changes (because not everyone is going to replay the game or even care) but those who did notice it believe it’s done intentionally (either by the actor or the writer or both). If it’s not intentional, then it’s a strange decision to make from a developer’s standpoint.
   
5. Throughout the threads I read, most poly people made it clear that poly relationships require complete trust, clear communication, and general confidence. Astarion himself admits to lacking all of those traits to some degree. If you don’t romance him, he will literally not trust any of the characters right up to the epilogue (he’ll hold a knife behind his back while talking to the Dark Urge). Even though he does seem to genuinely trust his lover by Act 2, he will still lie to them several times. He lies about being fine with the drow twins (he states he’ll leave if he hates if but never does despite disassociating), feigns confidence when the player says they’ll become a mind flayer (he says he only cares about them becoming ugly but expresses his true fears only after the fight, that he’s worried they are no longer the person he fell in love with by losing their soul), he manipulates his lover when confronting Cazador despite being conflicted about it himself and wanting reassurance, and (on a more minor note) he continuously claims he’s doesn’t care about Yenna or the Gur children despite getting upset when they’re in danger. This is a character who, even after he kills his tormentor, struggles to be honest with his partner. That isn’t a good combination when addressing poly. (Again, it could be worked through in real life, but is better avoided in video games where there isn’t time to address it).
   
6. There are also plenty of situations where he agrees to do things he outright hates. In Act 1, we know he is (at least somewhat) disgusted by having sex with the player or Laezel, but he’ll do it. In Act 2, he tries to be genuine about not wanting to touch the player until he no longer feels disgust, but if the player pressures him, he will cave and obey. He does break up with the player afterwards, but it is only after he has gone through with the act. In Act 3, he will state three times that he doesn’t want to take the tadpole, but if the player pressures him by bringing up his darkest fear, he will give in. Worse, he will give in and STILL stay with the player romantically despite them clearly manipulating him to do something they know he fears. He does thankfully break up if you fail the checks, but if you succeed, he goes through with it. If he’s willing to cave to something as huge as altering his entire body, it makes sense that he would cave to something he views as more minor (like tolerating unwanted sexual acts in a brothel or sharing his partner).
   
7. I didn’t know this until I saw others mention it but there are points where he will flirt with NPCs if he is single (the girl in the sewers), but he uses neutral dialogue if he is dating the player. This reinforces the theory that he doesn’t actually plan to sleep around or be with others as he claims (though there are some dialogues that I think slipped through the cracks where he still flirts with others despite being in a committed relationship).
   
8. If Halsin propositions you after Cazador has been killed, Astarion no longer asks if you’re doing this because he hasn’t been fulfilling your sexual needs. However, he does give another response that feels out of place: “I’ve realized it doesn’t matter if anything (in our relationship) changes.” Parallel this with what he said at the graveyard, that “no matter what happens, I don’t want to lose this (relationship).” It’s very odd to have him say he doesn’t want to lose the relationship, but then the next day he is totally okay with losing it. Granted, it is nice to know that even if the characters break up, he’ll be fine, but it does feel contradictory for his character, especially with how devastated he acts if they DO end the relationship. If the Halsin statement is just an act and he’s overcompensating, however, then it feels more intentional on the writer’s part.
   
9. I’ve seen lots of people say that Ascended Astarion also shouldn’t be fine with poly, and I agree, though it’s for different reasons than Spawn Astarion. Unlike SA, I think Ascended would absolutely do the brothel scene because 1. He’s actively suppressing his trauma and playing a new character and 2. He feels in control in the brothel and is the focus. However, with Halsin, he doesn’t have any control. For someone obsessed with possessing his lover and ensuring they can never leave him, letting them sleep with Halsin doesn’t fit his writing. He isn’t participating. He doesn’t know what they’re doing behind his back. For all he knows, Halsin and the player might be discussing how to kill Astarion or escape him. In some deleted party banter, Halsin literally tells Ascended Astarion he doesn’t approve of the abusive spawn/master relationship they’ve formed. With that knowledge, not only should Halsin not be willing to join a poly relationship that he thinks is unhealthy, but he has a motivation to help the player get away from AA (and AA would know this). I could see Spawn Astarion hesitantly agreeing to the Halsin thing despite not wanting to share, but AA just wouldn’t. It feels contrary to both his and Halsin’s writing.
   
10. This is the second most convincing piece of evidence for me: The Drow twins. If you ask Astarion to join a ‘group activity’, he’ll use his fake voice and flighty laugh and agree to go through it, saying he’ll run away if he doesn’t like it and comparing the act to burning in the sun (a little concerning that he’s already comparing the two). Then during the act, he will immediately ask the player what they want “us” to do. Not only is he lumping himself in with the prostitutes, but he is also doing something that an Origin playthrough reveals is a trigger for him (he tells the drow twins that being ‘told what to do’ reminds him of his time as a slave). If the player tries to check up on him, he ignores them and says he wishes he was drunk. Then he disassociates and never brings it up again. This has been viewed two ways: either he doesn’t want to have casual sex anymore and wants to be in a one-on-one relationship, or he does want to do stuff like this but just needs to heal more before he can. I lean toward the first assumption because he is acting flighty and fake BEFORE the sexual act even begins. If he really wanted to do it but changed his mind after, it makes more sense for him to sound genuine at first, then fake halfway through.
    

But the main thing that sticks out to me is his reaction to you asking for only ONE drow twin. If you do, he will accuse you of having a thing for prostitutes and call it embarrassing, then glare at you for the rest of the conversation. This is especially sad because not only have the player’s actions made him feel like a prostitute again, but now he seems to be wondering if you started dating him BECAUSE he was a prostitute, not for who he really is.
Compare this to the Halsin situation and the drow ‘group activity’. For Halsin, he says he was expecting this for months. He’s had several months to plan his reaction and decide what he’s willing to tolerate. Hence, he has a very rehearsed reaction. With the twins, he had less time to anticipate this but probably also worried about it (especially if the player asked about them earlier and he said no. Now he expects the player to try again and has planned accordingly). Again, this response feels rehearsed and fake. The only response where he uses his real voice is when you ask for one of the twins alone. This is something he likely wouldn’t plan for, so we get to see his gut reaction for the first time: he doesn’t want you to do it.
Now some people argue that he’s fine with Halsin and not the other Origin characters because Halsin is just a fling and won’t try to take his spot. If that’s the case, he should be fine with the twins too. If anything, they are even less of a threat. Yet he doesn’t want you to do it and responds accordingly. If he truly was poly, he would respond like Karlach did and tell you to have fun, or like Shadowheart telling you to give him a heads up first. But we don’t see that.
One other thing about the twins that I felt I could point out: if you or the twins ask to do a group activity before Cazador is killed, Astarion says he’s not comfortable with this yet. The “yet” part has been pointed out to show that he’s fine with it after Cazador has been killed (even though he still disassociates later). However, another explanation of the “yet” part is that he’s trying to soften the blow because he’s scared of using a blunt NO. We see this with Araj, the blood merchant. Even though he is absolutely disgusted with her treatment of him and how she’s “defiling” him with her fantasies, his rejections of her are very soft and nervous. Even when reinforced by his friend/lover, he says “It’s still a no, I’m afraid” with a smile. Turning down sexual encounters is tough for him, even when he has people backing him up, so I can see him using words like “yet” or “I’m afraid” to soften the blow. I know several people in real life who do this, despite later admitting there was no “yet”.
There’s another part of this dialogue with the early twins that I want to point out (really overanalyzing here but if we want to believe the writers do things intentionally/with a lot of forethought, I think it’s okay to read into the words they use). When Astarion says he’s not comfortable with the twins, the player’s response is “I wouldn’t ask such a thing of you”. This will raise his approval and make him respond positively. The promise you give him is not “I’ll ask them later, after we’ve killed Cazador” or “I would have liked to but okay” (that one doesn’t trigger his positive response). He only approves of you saying you won’t ask him to do things like this (stated in a tense that implies you will NEVER ask him to do such a thing, regardless of Cazador’s stabbed or unstabbed state). This could have been the writer hinting that if you bring him back after, you’re going back on your promise and thus have to see the disassociating scene. That…or the writer wasn’t thinking too hard and we are simply thinking too much.

1. With all that out of the way, we’ll get to the final point that solidifies this theory for me personally. It’s the statements of Shadowheart and Minthara if you ask to do a three-way relationship with one of them and Astarion. Shadowheart’s response is: “I think you’re overestimating his willingness to share. He may seem like a carefree hedonist, but there’s something fragile beneath the façade.” Minthara says something nearly identical, that sharing would wound his pride and he is far too fragile to handle it. You could even add Astarion’s line from the other end, where if you ask Astarion to share with you and Karlach, he will say they shouldn’t because Karlach loves the player and relationships are fragile (implying that he either thinks open relationships don’t work if there’s love involved, or perhaps he himself can only do open relationships if he doesn’t love the other person).

The main argument I’ve seen disproving these statements by Shadowheart and Minthara is that they’re just plain wrong about him. If so, it’s a strange writing choice to not only have both of them be wrong about the exact same thing, but they’re both high wisdom characters who are proven to understand Astarion in a lot of ways other characters don’t. (All three of them have been enslaved and manipulated, Minthara comprehends the depths of his relationship with Cazador within minutes of being in the camp, and Shadowheart is one of the closest to Astarion in terms of friendship and liking him.)
If Astarion actually is fine with poly, then it means both Shadowheart and Minthara are wrong. That means the writers either made a mistake or made a very weird writing choice.
However, if Astarion is actually pretending to be fine with sharing as they say, not only is the writing consistent but these dialogues become very clever foreshadowing. I want to give the writers the benefit of the doubt and believe they did a good job with Astarion, so I prefer to lean into the theory that he’s pretending because it makes more sense for him overall.
That was quite a long tangent and somewhat unnecessary, but he’s a character whose mannerisms and statements are meant to be heavily analyzed, so it’s fun to go more in depth. Let’s move on.

1. ISSUES WITH HOW HALSIN WAS PRESENTED

We’re finally at the last point, and in a way the direct cause of this entire thread: Halsin. Now, I have no issue with Halsin being poly (again, he’s listed as one of my four ideal options for it) but I do have several issues with how he was written and presented. The Shadowheart part I will skip over because I already got into it, but there are many other problems to address and most of them could have been fixed very easily.

1. He is not presented as poly until Act 3. I was reading through a thread full of people who loved him and several of them were early access players who had requested he become a romance option. However, the reason they requested him was very important. In EA, all three of the male options seemed immature (Wyll), condescending (Gale), or straight up evil (Astarion). Meanwhile Halsin was, in their words, a mature man who seems like the type to settle down with them in a cottage and help raise their kids. This is the impression he gives and what drew many people to him. As a result, many of these players were extremely disappointed to reach Act 3 once the game was out and discover that not only was he the complete opposite of their initial impression, but he won’t even stay with the player after the game ends (in most cases). Honestly, if I was a developer and saw that they liked him for those earlier reasons, I wouldn’t make him strictly poly because that wasn’t what the players wanted. They wanted him because he was muscular and a good, stable man. It was a very odd choice to turn around and give the players the opposite of what they asked for. But if the devs were truly determined to go the poly route, they should have at least gone back to Act 1 and 2 and slipped in some hints that he was poly. I saw some newer players who recently played the game for the first time and wanted to romance him for the aforementioned reasons (stable, mature, kind, huge). They ignored all other romances until Act 3, then got hit with the “I’m only poly” discussion. Had they known he wasn’t monogamous, they wouldn’t have blown off all the other options.
   
2. But let’s ignore that. We’re focusing on the world where he IS completely poly (though some were arguing that it should at least be an option to ask if he’ll try being monogamous with the player.) The way he is presented still has a lot of issues according to poly players. For one, the way he tries to butt in on the relationship is done in a really sketchy manner (especially considering what some of the Origin characters have gone through/are currently going through). It would have been far better to do what they did with Minsc and give the PLAYER the option to hit on Halsin, rather than the other way around. Have them offer poly to him, and then he can discuss it from there. Having the proposition come from Halsin himself puts him in a negative light, and it’s pretty clear the writers didn’t actually want to portray him as a bad person so they messed up here.
   
3. The flagging for Halsin’s dialogues is awful and despite seeing people report it for eight months, that hasn’t changed. Even if you pick the most neutral option, he will still hit on you by saying “I think you feel the same way”. Not a good idea. “I HOPE you feel the same way” would have been infinitely better. Women often have to deal with people assuming their friendly, professional conversation is something more when it isn’t. It’s not a great idea to bring that into fantasy games too. It hit too close to home for some.
   
4. Even if you use the most neutral option at the Act 1 party (“Go have fun and mingle”), your main dialogue option the next day is “Sorry for coming on so strong last night”. It’s a strange thing to say. Again, I’m not sure how developers missed this and why it was never patched out. I saw people reporting it since the release.
   
5. He will also ask for a relationship at neutral approval. In most of my playthroughs, I stopped talking to him beyond the Thaniel quest and avoided asking about his personal life. He still led his proposition with “I think you feel the same way”. How does he know when we only spoke to him three times? They should have at least required you to go through all his extra dialogues before triggering this.
   
6. When Halsin says he loves you, you have two options: reject him straight away, or ask about his opinions a little more. Oddly enough, if you ask a bit more and THEN reject him, he’ll have a proper response. “That’s fine. I understand. I won’t ask again.” However, if you reject him as soon as he starts talking to you, his response is very off putting. He’ll protest and say, “but you asked me about my former lovers” or, if you didn’t even do that, he’ll claim “you looked after me with the care of a lover, not a host.” These pushy assumptions turned a lot of people off. This is entirely on the writer, in my opinion. He should have realized how weird these sounded.
   
7. Halsin is the only person you can’t dismiss from your camp at any point through dialogue. All of the origins have to be pursued and recruited intentionally. Halsin is the only exception. This makes some sense because you need him to cure the Shadowlands, but for Act 3, he literally has nothing to do. They should have given players an option after the Ketheric fight to dismiss him and tell him to take care of the Shadowlands. It makes a lot more sense narratively and would help avoid a lot of the more awkward parts later.
   
8. Halsin’s initial dialogue about monogamy vs. polyamory is mostly fine, with him comparing it to gardens and wolves vs. bears. But (and don’t quote me on this because I can’t recall the specifics), if you ask your partner to do poly and they say no, Halsin will be a little more judgmental about your partner, saying he was hoping they would be more “open minded”. Statistically, the majority of BG3’s players are going to be monogamous, so it’s strange to see nearly every character (monogamous or poly) criticize monogamy in some way. It is called selfish, narrow minded, and old fashioned by at least 3 characters to my knowledge (Halsin, Act 1 Astarion, and even Gale (who is monogamous himself)). If the developers truly wanted to be inclusive, criticizing one’s lifestyle and having no characters openly defend it in the game (even those who practice it) is a disappointing choice. In this case, it might be an unintentional mistake (maybe they feared that by defending monogamy, they were somehow demonizing polygamy or polyamory), but it would have been better to just leave the criticisms out of it entirely if that was the case.
   

And that’s it. I think that’s all the points from myself and others that I wanted to compile. I don’t think any of this will be changed in BG3 but I hope all of these points and opinions will at least improve any future games. It’s great that BG3 was able to make nuanced characters with their own opinions and preferences—I much prefer it to “everyone is poly and no one gets mad if you cheat” games where characters feel more like statues than living beings—but I do wish they thought the poly options through more carefully (trying to make poly people comfortable while leaving room for monogamous players to enjoy the romances too).
The only feasible fix the developers could make at this point to avoid all the issues mentioned is keeping Halsin poly but removing his connections to other Origin romances (or at least Karlach and Astarion). At this point, that’s the only thing that could realistically be done. I also wish they made characters break up with you if you cheat on them in the brothel, since that’s what many people including myself would do.
Again, these opinions are my own (and those that aren’t come from a variety of comments across Youtube, Reddit, and Larian’s forums). I enjoyed getting to see so many different viewpoints and appreciated how civil (most of) the people on both sides were. It’s an interesting topic and here’s hoping game studios handle it better in the future.
If anyone reads this far and wants links to the threads, forums, and youtube comment sections, let me know.

I think we can all agree Randle would be a game changer if he was healthy. No excuses rn though, we should be able to find a way to get past the pacers, and we’ve shown we can do it. But in looking to the future, Randle being back would help us immensely in situations like this, where the team needs another consistent scoring option at Brunson’s level. Randle is that guy, able to play in the system but also has that ability to create out of the system that you expect from stars. Plus, he’s a different profile to Brunson and much of the players he have now; an inside presence that pressures the rim through post touches and inside game rather than starting from the perimeter like Brunson, Donte, OG, Hart etc. Defensively, he would help Hartenstein and Hart so much in recovering those boards, and probably give players like Hart and OG more rest, meaning less injuries. I know people have been clamoring for his sale, but he still has so much to offer this team that it would be madness to sell him.

Broke no contact and don’t know what to do next. I feel like I’m dying
Broke no contact after one year and now I feel like I’m dying
I(M19) broke up with my ex(F19) one year ago. I broke up with her because I was in a very toxic relationship and we had long distance (she used to live 500km from my city). She used to always be rough with me because I didn’t have enough money to spend on her. For example( one day when i went to her and didn’t buy her flowers she told me to send her the money for the flowers 30£ on PayPal). She used to stay on tinder (she didn’t know that I had access to her phone and saw it) and even went to the club with her uni group and a week later got “the kissing disease”. She was always telling that she didn’t kiss anybody even if doctors say that you can get this disease only by kissing someone. During the winter break she had to come to my city and told me to buy her the ticket(60£). After I told her many times that I don’t have the money, she told me “if you’ll want me near, you’ll find the money” and she was right, even though I was in the last year of high school, I used to work on Saturdays and payed her train ticket. Every time when I went to her, I had to pay both the train ticket and the hotel room because her sister wouldn’t let me sleep in their apartment even though they had 2 bedrooms. At the same time, my family let her sleep in our apartment when she came to my city. So I broke up with her before summer, when she didn’t want to pay 40%(she didn’t even want to ask her family if they can or cannot pay it) of the total sum of our trip to Spain. She told me that she regrets being in a relationship with me, blocked me and I thought at the moment that she broke up with me. The next day, she called me and I asked her who will initiate (I thought it was a call to break up officially). She started screaming through the phone that I m a psycho and that it was me the one who wanted to breakup. I felt so guilty that the next month I was everyday crying. Finally I decided to call her to have a normal conversation about what happened, we clarified everything. One month later, after a terrorist attack near my city, she texted me and asked how am I doing and sent a picture with us, telling that we’re so cute together. I said that it was true. She didn’t apologize, didn’t even say anything that she would like to get back together.
After this we didn’t talk for the entire year but I was feeling very sad the whole year because when I broke up with her, I didn’t tell her about tinder(saw 2 chats with 2 dudes in her phone) or about what happened in the club that night.
After one year, I called her and very respectfully said that I really needed answers in order to obtain closure. She told me that she was only “communicating” on tinder (I think it’s a lie) and totally refused to recognize that she cheated on me that night in the club. After this, she told me that she has to go and that if I want to continue talking, we can talk in the evening . 20 minutes after this short call I wrote her that I was thankful for her answers but I didn’t think it would be right for us to continue talking. She responded that I shall never get in touch with her ever again in order to accuse her of something that happened a year ago. One week later I called her again in order to excuse myself for the fact that I reached out to her. She didn’t respond and at that moment I understood that she restricted me on insta . I sent her the message that I was sorry. My friends told me that I was a piece of shit for doing this.
NOW I FEEL LIKE MY HEART WILL EXPLODE BEACUSE I FEEL SO STUPID AND ASHAMED . I even though maybe buying a train ticket and go to her city to visit her, but idk if it’s right. My family doesn’t want even to hear about my ex and is tired of hearing me talk about her. What should I do, please HELP
Ps we were dating during a year and a half and I was traveling to her every 3 weeks.

[Obvious spoilers for character romances, relationships, and a few character arcs. I don't recommend reading this post unless you've beaten the game.]
I’ll start off with the most obvious disclaimer: this post is not here to critique polyamory itself or its inclusion in the game. I’m all for adding the option to games (and BG3 as well) as long as it’s done respectfully and in a way that can make both monogamous and polyamorous players comfortable. This post will discuss what the game could have done better, why the characters they chose to make poly were poorly thought out, and what characters should have (hypothetically) been chosen instead. (The suggestions of who SHOULD have been chosen would give poly players MORE options, rather than less, while also maintaining character consistency and helping mono people feel comfortable too).
These suggestions are, of course, my own opinion coupled with a lot of threads I read all over the internet from three groups: monogamous players, poly players who liked what BG3 did, and poly players who felt it was handled poorly/felt uncomfortable with it. I myself didn’t care to go through the poly routes in the game but after I read some youtube comments on the Halsin topic, I got fully invested in the discussion and dove through youtube, reddit, and Larian threads to hear everyone’s opinions. As a monogamous person myself, it was interesting to hear thoughts from the poly players about what they felt uncomfortable with and how things should have been written instead. As a result, this thread is less my own thoughts and more a compilation of all the ideas/suggestions I saw people come up with.
The goal of this post is not to hate on the developers or people from either side of the debate, but to find a middle ground the developers could have used that would make both monogamous people and polyamorous people happy. The current game did appeal to some poly players, but it left a lot of other ones dissatisfied, and when half of your target audience is feeling skeptical about how you handled something, it’s good to take notice (and even though it’s too late for any changes to be made, it’s fun to talk about the hypotheticals and suggest what pitfalls could be avoided when developing future games).
This post will be formatted like so: (yes, I know it’s long but after having all the discussions and debates run through my head for a few days, it’s nice to get them all written down and out of my brain)

1. Important factors that should be considered when adding poly relationships to your game (in a way that makes at least the majority of your audience comfortable)
   
2. Which characters should have been chosen to be poly instead of the ones we got (and why)
   
3. Why the characters the developers chose to make poly weren’t ideal
   
4. Issues with how Halsin was presented
   

A few more points I want to emphasize before I start.

1. This post isn’t just focusing on the story and character motivations, but also on what makes the players feel at ease. You can’t make everyone happy, obviously, but there were a lot of mistakes BG3 made that could have been easily solved (with suggestions from both sides). I want to see games where both monogamous players and poly players can find the romance options they’re seeking without feeling ignored or pushed aside.
   
2. While it is easy to say, “It’s just a videogame. We shouldn’t worry about what the characters think because they’re fictional,” I say both yes and no. While the feelings of the characters shouldn’t be cared about (because they’re not real), the writers clearly wanted each character to have their own backstory, morals, opinions, and fears. I’d argue most of, if not all of the characters were written really well and in a realistic manner (as realistic as you can get with tadpoles in your brains and magical abilities). The writers WANTED us to take these characters seriously, as well as the portrayals of abuse that some of them represent, so it’s not surprising that lots of players analyze them. The fact that so many different people took the time to discuss the character romances and relationships is a testament to how well written the characters are. It’s okay to say the poly interactions felt ‘out of character’ and debate why.
   

​
Part 1. IMPORTANT FACTORS THAT NEED TO BE CONSIDERED WHEN ADDING POLY RELATIONSHIPS TO YOUR GAME (particularly when monogamous relationships are also part of the game). Most of these will be things other people have said, some of which I never even considered until they brought it up.
- Communication with the players
- Consent (particularly ‘enthusiastic consent’)
- Lying, pressure, and coercion
- Character backstories and potential trauma

1. Communication with the players

One of the biggest issues I had with BG3’s poly relationships is that the developers didn’t try to effectively communicate which options players had until Act 3 (when it’s too late to change your mind). A monogamous player could start a character romance, only to be disappointed in Act 3 when they find out the character is poly. Likewise, a poly player would assume someone is poly, then have that character change their mind halfway through. Now, in terms of narrative, this can be quite interesting, and in terms of real life, I’m sure this happens often. However, when you’re looking at it from a developer’s standpoint, it's not a good idea to do this. If you want to make players comfortable and satisfied with the romance options, you need to make it clear to them what they’re getting themselves into.
So, if you’ve written a poly character into your game, you need to let the players know. Once the topic of romance/sex is brought up, have that character confidently state their thoughts and expectations about it. This way mono players can go, “Oh, this type of relationship isn’t for me. I’ll try to romance someone else.” Meanwhile poly players can say, “This is what I’m looking for.” This way, neither party has to google which characters are or aren’t poly and risk spoiling important plot points for themselves. Likewise, if a character is monogamous, writers should do the same thing.
Two great poly examples are Act 1 Laezel and Dragon Age’s Zevran. As soon as the topic of relationships is brought up, they explain their stance on sex, relationships, expectations, and possible reasons for why they think the way they do. It’s done in a fairly natural manner and fits their character.
Of course, what makes this more difficult is a character like Astarion, whose entire personality is largely an act until he opens up in Act 2. This does make communication with the player harder, but an easy solution is: once he opens up about his true feelings, have him restate what he truly wants in a relationship. (Even that’s difficult for someone like him, who doesn’t know what he wants, but we’re looking at this from a hypothetical developer’s standpoint, not what we currently have.) Having him (subtly) express his expectations here leaves room for players to again say, “Oh, that’s not what I’m looking for. Let’s stay friends.” The devs should then leave some romance options open in Act 2 so players can reevaluate and choose someone else without getting locked out. (Again, this is obviously impossible to fix now. This should have been thought through in early development).
Consent (particularly enthusiastic consent)
One of the biggest issues I saw being brought up from poly players was the topic of consent, especially what they repeatedly prioritized: enthusiastic consent. The ideal response they’re looking for when talking to their partner is that their lover is wholly on board with the arrangement, comfortable expressing their true feelings, and doesn’t feel pressured to agree when they really don’t want to deep down. Out of the three BG3 poly options, only one of them (Shadowheart) had poly players feeling comfortable with her reaction to ‘opening up’ the relationship with Halsin (and even then, there were disagreements).
I can’t get too far into this discussion without bringing up my next point, so I’ll skip to it.
Lying, pressure, and coercion
This is the part that initially piqued my interest when reading that first youtube comment section. Many of the comments were poly people saying, “If my partner reacted to the Halsin arrangement the way Karlach and Astarion did, I would not go through with it.” Coupled with that were poly players saying, “I was hoping for enthusiastic consent and ethical poly. I was disappointed to find neither.” There were a lot of people disappointed with how the poly was written. One person even recommended it to their poly friends, then walked the recommendation back when they finished the game and felt the writers handled it carelessly.
Lots of people, both monogamous and poly, had their doubts about Karlach and Astarion’s reactions. Were they fully comfortable with the poly relationship or were they just saying what their lover wanted to hear? Were they scared of appearing weak and controlling so they pushed their own wishes down? Karlach literally says she’s not fine with it but will tolerate it because she loves you. Astarion’s true thoughts are more uncertain because he has a history of lying to make people happy and struggles with boundaries. I saw many people on the fence about both of them.
Now, in real life, there can obviously be nuance. You can spend hours discussing poly with your partner and checking in with them throughout the relationship to make sure they’re still on board. Some people may genuinely be fine with it but sound nervous at first. Others may NOT be fine with it and lie to avoid being abandoned.
The issue is that we’re addressing a video game where you CAN’T check in with your partner regularly and you only get 1 minute to gauge their reaction. That, coupled with their backstories and how the characters were written up to that point, is bound to make a lot of people (mono and poly) raise an eyebrow or feel uneasy.
While one can argue that leaving the poly relationships open ended/up to interpretation is an artistic choice or an attempt to add realism to the game, at the end of the day, you’re making a lot more people uncomfortable than you need to. There were plenty of poly players who just wanted to see healthy poly relationships with enthusiastic consent, and that’s it. They didn’t want to ask themselves if this was the right decision or if they were making their lover feel worse deep down. That’s something to address in reality, not fantasy. If the developers wanted to welcome poly players in, they should have done so in a way that makes them feel comfortable/satisfied.
This point will lead into WHO I think should have been poly instead but that’s for a little later in the post.
Character backstories and potential trauma
This is largely referring to Astarion but applies to Shadowheart and Karlach as well: If you are going to give characters a lot of layers, insecurities, fears, and trauma, you need to handle their relationships carefully. Not only are you building a character, but you’re letting players see their own traits reflected back at them. When it comes to abuse (physical or sexual), I personally think it’s important to consider player reactions to certain aspects of the game (especially those who have experienced abuse in their own lives).
I think Astarion’s sexual abuse and overcoming of trauma was well written (and a lot of people who experienced similar situations agreed). However, once the developers added poly into his story, I witnessed two prominent reactions from players:
- People defending it, saying that they were fine with poly relationships in their own lives despite going through abusive relationships (which is completely fine and valid).
- People who had the opposite experience, where they lied and said they were fine with poly to please their partners, then felt miserable throughout the relationships. (This is also fine and valid.) These players (even some who went through with the poly relationship in the game) came out feeling uncomfortable and reminded of their pasts.
The ambiguity the developers went for just made this whole situation worse, as it led to arguments and disagreements in the community, with some people insisting the brothel scene helps Astarion heal, while many believed it had the opposite effect. The same arguments were made regarding the Halsin relationship.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with writing a story and sticking to it regardless of how uncomfortable it makes people feel, but in this case, there were so many other options besides Astarion you could have chosen. I think in the long run, it’s better to leave his character away from poly to avoid making lots of people (including SA victims) uneasy when it’s an optional feature anyway. (No one would have complained if he said a simple “that’s not what I’m looking for” or “I’m not comfortable sharing” and left it at that.)
(I’ll go more into more detail about Astarion, Karlach, and Shadowheart later, but will move on for now.)
​

1. WHICH CHARACTERS SHOULD HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BE POLY INSTEAD OF THE ONES WE GOT (AND WHY)

Now, just because I recommend removing poly options from certain characters doesn’t mean it should be omitted entirely. I just think there were far better options available to the developers (character wise, story wise, and player expectation wise). I agree with the online sentiment that instead of taking a step back and figuring out which characters worked best for poly, the developers instead chose the most popular male and female characters and called it a day without discussing whether or not these were the ideal options.
As I was reading through everyone’s complaints and critiques of the poly implementation, I took a moment to figure out which characters would fit it best. I took several factors into account.
You need a character who poly players are confident their yes means yes and no means no (meaning they need to be a generally honest and forthright person). It’s not a good idea to have sexual trauma or a past of people pleasing/coercion because while not all SA victims are monogamous by any means, because it’s a video game and not real life, this opens the door to a lot of other issues and can leave poly players unsure if the character’s past influenced their ability to say yes or no. This is especially relevant because the game only takes place over 4 months. Not only are the romantic relationships just beginning, but Karlach and Astarion literally killed their abusers a few days ago. The pain is still fresh and a lot of healing needs to be done. It’s better to leave the sexual content away from them for now (and if poly players want to imagine the characters opening up the relationship later, they can. It just shouldn’t happen in the current game.)
With those factors in mind, I started narrowing down the characters to figure out which ones would suit the criteria.
Ones that AREN’T a perfect fit:
Astarion: two hundred years of sexual abuse (which is a lot to recover from), he just regained his bodily autonomy, he is a habitual liar, he can be talked into doing things he hates and only protests after the deed is done, even after Cazador dies in Act 3 he will do things he doesn’t want to in order to appease the player, killing one’s abuser does not magically fix all the internal issues and insecurities, the list goes on.
Gale: His issues aren’t as obvious or prominent but he also has a history of people pleasing and doing things he doesn’t want to simply to make his partner happy (see Mystra and the brothel scene).
Karlach: While she is pretty chill about the brothel, the most prominent problem this game has is that she’s literally dying. Even if she was open to poly, as someone pointed out, any loving partner would dedicate what little time they have left to focusing on her.
Shadowheart: This one has the most discussions around it because the writing is inconsistent. This is also the only romance I personally haven’t gone through so I can’t get into full details. However, what I have seen discussed is: brainwashing and memory wipes, being forced to be a “honeypot” against her will, she links her love of poly back to the cult that she spent the whole game trying to escape, her personality does a fairly sudden 180 when poly is brought up. This specific case is more of a “the poly aspect makes the writing feel inconsistent” but the issues of her cult and coercion are also very important.
That leads into characters who ARE a better fit (and bear in mind that this would require rewrites and other stuff that would have had to happen in earlier stages of development, though the tweaks would honestly be minimal):
Minthara: She may have insecurities about the Absolute and choosing her own path, but she is never insecure when dealing with romance. She knows what she wants and how to get it. While I adore her “lay a finger on them, and I’ll cut you” dialogue in the brothel, no one would have been surprised if she was written as poly. It fits her character and if she says, “Go right on with Halsin,” we all know she means it. You could honestly take Ascended Astarion’s Halsin dialogue and paste it into hers instead. The “you are mine” line would make more sense for her than him.
Laezel: This is the most obvious one. She is not only confident in her relationships and sexual preferences, but she also comes from a poly society. Like Minthara, she knows what she wants and will refuse if she doesn’t agree with something. Again, while I love her romance shifting from only wanting casual sex to becoming strictly monogamous, no one would have been surprised if she remained consistent throughout instead.
Halsin: He doesn’t have a history of lying, he knows what he wants, and he is supposed to be one of the more mature members of the group. While I think his writing itself was handled poorly (I dedicate a whole section to that at the end), he’s still a fine option for poly. My only change would be that they make his preferences very obvious in Act 1 and or 2. I saw lots of Halsin fans being super disappointed when they found out he wasn’t willing to be monogamous (and again, you don’t learn this until sixty hours in, so you’ve not only missed out on all the other romances but you can’t just go back and remedy that easily). His talk about the drow kidnapping in the brothel is questionable but that’s easy enough to omit (I saw a lot of people wondering why it was added at all. While Astarion’s trauma was carefully implemented, many felt Halsin’s was carelessly tacked on and almost fetishized.)
This final one is tricky. We know the developers wanted a male option but it’s hard when both Wyll and Gale are written as strictly monogamous. However, going by my criteria from before and therefore omitting Gale and Astarion for aforementioned issues, that leaves us only one option (and it makes sense the more I think about it).
Wyll: Like the other three, Wyll doesn’t lie to spare people’s feelings. He knows what he wants, he accepts his decisions (even the Mizora one), and he is always down to have an open discussion about anything. The only thing holding him back from poly narratively is his nobility and wish to be traditional. Just like the others, I personally like this trait, but since we’re speaking in “what if’s” we can ignore that. It’s easy enough to tweak his story to him being more open to try new things (especially because in most endings, he doesn’t end up becoming a noble anyway). I did see a few people mention that making Wyll the poly option instead of Astarion would have made him more interesting and layered as well.
Of course, these implementations would have to be coupled with them being truthful/open about their poly traits from the beginning of the game, as mentioned before.
This lineup also fixes another problem people had: the current BG3 poly options completely cut off lesbians and straight men. Only bisexuals, straight women, or gay men can have a poly relationship in the game.
What I propose (or at least pretend to since no real changes will be made) is that Halsin and Minthara are the ones who suggest the poly thing (or more ideally, it’s a dialogue option for the PLAYER to choose, since many poly people said it’s weird to insert yourself into a couple rather than having the couple proposition you). This way the options can expand. You now have
Minthara and Laezel
Minthara and Wyll
Halsin and Laezel
Halsin and Wyll
I stumbled upon some threads in this rabbit hole where people were initially debating who they thought would be poly (before the game officially came out). The three most prominent answers were: Minthara, Laezel, and Astarion (though I should clarify that at this point, most players assumed Astarion’s hedonistic playboy persona was real and not an act). On the other hand, once the poly options were fully available and explored, most people were surprised (in a negative way) that Astarion, Shadowheart, and Karlach had been chosen. They felt that poly had been slapped on to sell more games, rather than carefully implemented to fit the story.
Now that I’ve established the alternative I believe should have happened, I can expand a little more on why what we got wasn’t satisfactory. (I’d like to add a note that I personally romanced Astarion the most, Karlach once, and Shadowheart never, so the evidence I go over will heavily lean to one side, unfortunately. There are other redditors who get into the Shadowheart debate in more detail than I could. I can link these below if anyone bothers to read this far and wants to see them.)
​

1. WHY THE CHARACTERS THE DEVELOPERS CHOSE TO MAKE POLY WEREN’T IDEAL

Karlach:
This is the most simple of the three. On the surface, I initially thought she would be a good idea for poly. She lets you sleep with the prostitutes in the brothel, she’s pretty blatant about her wants and needs, she’s touch starved, and she initially seems like she’d be fine with Halsin.
But there are two issues:
One, in the Halsin proposition dialogue, she outright states that she isn’t really cool with a poly relationship. (She says something along the lines of, “I’ll have to chew on that for a while. I’m not sure I want this right now and don’t think I ever will.”) So she’s very blatant in telling you that this isn’t what she wants, but she’ll tolerate it because she loves you. It’s easy to see why this would make poly people feel bad and wish for an alternative.
Now, this could be fixed by changing her dialogue to being super enthusiastic, but even if you did, you get problem two: She is dying. She has weeks left to live. You the player spend most of your day fighting enemies so you only have a few hours left to spend with your lover. No kind hearted partner, poly or otherwise, would waste those precious hours on a casual relationship with Halsin when they should be focusing entirely on Karlach. Halsin will still be around at the end of the game. To the player’s knowledge, Karlach won’t.
If she wasn’t dying, I would list her as a possible poly option. But because she only has a few weeks to live, she just can’t be. Her existence as one of the three poly options was what cemented the theory (in my mind) that the developers chose the most popular romance options, rather than the ideal ones.
Shadowheart:
Again, this was the one that some skeptical poly people said felt the most right in terms of presentation. She is enthusiastic about Halsin and the twins, she participates, and if you were to pick the most likely to be cool with it, she wins.
However, there are still a lot of issues with this choice (in terms of backstory, insecurities, reasons for poly, and treatment of monogamous players). Again, please bear in mind that this is the one romance I myself didn’t do so some facts may be off or vague.
Backstory: Her entire life up to this point has been erased. She was forced to do horrific things against her will (abusing her parents, being abused herself, torturing others, seducing people). She puts up a constant act of loving torture and being evil, but as you play through the game, you realize she doesn’t actually like harming people and she seeks genuine connections and love despite claiming she doesn’t. I didn’t fully appreciate her until I did an evil Dark Urge run because while my psychotic monk, dictator Minthara, and Ascended Astarion were killing people left and right, she continued to disapprove of our evil actions despite “choosing” Shar in the end. To a lesser extent than Astarion, she does lie to the player about her wishes and intentions, which is one of the criteria I went into earlier.
Insecurities: I didn’t see this myself but I read plenty of threads about how her confidence is also an act. She is one of the only characters to continually ask the player if their relationship is still ongoing and if they’re happy with her. Her dialogue throughout the romance seems to be leading to her preferring monogamy and complete loyalty, so it feels out of character when she suddenly switches at the end of her arc. (Can real life people do this? Sure. Is it a very strange and sometimes off-putting writing choice? Yes, especially because there are very few hints (if any) of her being poly throughout the romance.) This also links into my ‘communicating that a character is poly to the player’ problem from earlier.
Reasons for poly: This is what I personally had the most issue with. If you cheat on her with Mizora, she explains that she’s fine with poly and/or open relationships and asks that you communicate with her first. Fine. No issues there. The problem arises when she explains WHY she’s fine with open relationships. It’s because Lady Shar encouraged it in the cult she grew up in. You know, the cult that abused her and brainwashed her for years. The one she spent the entire game trying to escape. She continually tries to distance herself from both Shar and the practices she encouraged. She expresses disgust in the Act 3 section when talking about how she had to torture and seduce people. She could choose to be poly for herself after the fact, but players are allowed to be a little concerned that her main reason for being poly is directly a result of her abusive goddess’s teachings.
Similar to Astarion, it is possible for someone in Shadowheart’s position to be poly in real life. Everyone is different and reacts to things differently. However, from a writer and developer standpoint, it’s better to just leave her monogamous and avoid all these pitfalls. As we saw, even with her enthusiastic consent to Halsin and the twins, her backstory and character arc up to that point still left people doubtful and uncomfortable. Again, since there are much better options for poly characters, why choose Shadowheart?
My final point for Shadowheart was about how it treated monogamous players. This personally irked me and I feel like it was the worst way to introduce poly because it actively antagonizes monogamous players and ruins the experience for them. (Thankfully Karlach and Astarion’s poly romances didn’t seem to have this issue to such an obvious extent).
I’ll summarize what people experienced when romancing Shadowheart. In Act 3, Halsin asks you to start a poly relationship with Shadowheart. If you tell him, “No, I’m not interested” he says that’s fine and will move on. No problem there. The issue arises if you keep him in your party. Despite you rejecting him, he will proceed to flirt with Shadowheart instead, which makes him seem pushy and creepy (which you don’t want as a writer unless it’s intentional). This made things particularly uncomfortable for lesbian players, though I completely understand how it would make ANY monogamous player annoyed, regardless of gender or preference. What makes it worse is that Shadowheart will then flirt back with him. The game ignores any preferences or input from the player here and they can’t respond to it. This bothered me, since the game up to that point seemed to at least respect the fact that mono players exist and want to have a romance that suits them.
But you could argue it was just a bug/forgetting to flag dialogue correctly. I could accept that, until you take both Shadowheart and Halsin to the brothel. Not only will Halsin invite himself in a third time after being rejected, but Shadowheart will say she’s dreamed of having sex with him before the player can even accept or reject Halsin’s suggestion. Most people would rightfully get angry when their romantic partner mentions wanting to sleep with one of their friends. From a writer’s standpoint, this is just disrespectful to the player’s choices and has zero reason to be this way. I’m not sure how such a mistake was made and why it hasn’t been rectified, but I’m disappointed that they didn’t at least lock that section behind the poly romance. It’s a fine scene if you HAVE agreed to date Halsin, but the existence of poly relationships shouldn’t completely ruin the experience for monogamous players. The writers should have tried to view these interactions from both perspectives, rather than simply one side or the other. And again, because the writers failed to communicate Shadowheart’s preferences early on, no one encountered this until they were three acts in and invested.
[There's a character limit so I'll have to do a part 2 to finish the Astarion points and discuss Halsin.]

I would love to expand my knowledge of indie authors besides the ones that are usually best sellers. Do you have any favorites you consider absolute darlings but you don’t see rec’d a lot? My example is Corey Kerr. They did fairly well but their highest rated books is at about 300 reviews and their other books haven’t touched that. Beautiful books.
Debut author recs are also welcome. I love to discover with new authors :)
My only taboos are books involving the MCs cheating on each other either emotionally or physically and age play (age gaps are fine).

I 19 female, I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years with John (fake name) 19 male. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 16. For context, John and I met in a group and since then we started talking. (I was dating my ex, but when I realized that I had developed feelings for John I ended that relationship.) In this group he was a big womanizer, and he talked to his ex, which didn't bother me since I never thought there was anything malicious about it. 4 months later I asked John if he felt anything for me, because he was acting romantic and sweet toward me, he said yes and then we started dating. (Note: he was jealous of my friends). A few weeks after we started dating, and all of our mutual friends knew about our relationship, and he didn't feel uncomfortable with people knowing about it, I sent him Intimate photos, he went on and sent these photos to our group, where there were more than 100 people, including our friends. When I saw it I was shocked and immediately left the group. My friends came to talk to me and so did he. He apologized, said he was going to send these photos to a group that was just him because according to him it was easier for him to see. Reading this now I realize it's a strange thing... but at the time I was so in love that I excused him. That same day we made a video call until I went to sleep, he praised me a lot, dedicated some songs to me, it was very romantic.During the next few weeks we made video calls every day, watched movies, listened to music, talked a lot until the early hours of the morning. There was a day when a girl joined the group where we were, and she and I became very good friends, there ended up being a lot of confusion because she wanted to date John, but he didn't want to. However, he always asked for intimate photos for her or for another girl in the group, he said it was to make me jealous, he ended up sending some intimate photos to her too. Well, a few months passed and I was suffering with my mental health, a few months before I met him I had tried to take my life, and I was under psychiatric care. During that time I started smoking and hurting myself, but he always helped me not to do so and always asked me to stop smoking and never use drugs. Until one day I was having an anxiety attack and felt the need to hurt myself while I was on a call with him, so he asked me to write his name on my skin with the razor. I did, he laughed. Some more time passed and I experienced what I think was an attack of schizophrenia, I saw and heard a person talking to me and asking me to do certain things that would hurt me. John stayed on video call with me while he tried to calm me down and said everything was ok and asked me to pray. That day my mother had gone to work, so I was alone at home, she wouldn't come back until 1pm. A few months later he asked me to buy some sex toys, I initially refused and was a little afraid, but then I agreed and bought my first vibrator. He always asked for videos and photos, or even for me to use the vibrator on a video call, as he always sent photos and videos and even did things on a call, I accepted. It turned out that I got sick, I couldn't walk, I felt a lot of pain, very strong cramps, I went to the hospital but it didn't help. I took some medication but none of it helped. Jonh was worried about me and asked me to go back to the hospital, which I did, but once again it didn't do much good. Then in December he asked me to buy another toy, but this time it would be a dildo. I was very afraid to buy it since I didn't have much privacy at home, but I bought it. When it arrived, he asked me to use it but I said I wasn't going to use it at that moment because I wanted to wash it first and then use it but my mother was in the living room so there was no way. He was extremely upset, he said that I had promised to use it the day I arrived and that he was tired from work and just wanted it to cheer him up a little. We argued a little and went to sleep.Cut to a few months later when he got a new job (he worked with his father), met some new people and completely changed. He became cold, distant, wanted everything his way or he would get upset and give me the silent treatment. Since then we started fighting almost every day, sometimes several times during the day. He always said he would break up with me if I didn't do what he wanted or the way he wanted, as I was "blind", so to speak, I always did everything. I don't want to go into too much detail but this but one thing you need to know is that during one of those fights he told me "welcome to hell". Since then everything has gotten worse. For me to achieve the minimum I had to do everything he wanted, how he wanted and when he wanted, in his time. If he wanted videos, I had to record them and send them to him, otherwise he He said he was going to break up with me or that he wouldn't talk to me until I sent the videos. I'm not a saint either, I often freaked out because of jealousy and when I saw that he had followed his ex I got really upset, because she was the only one who made me insecure, and he knew that. One thing I forgot to mention was that he told me at the beginning that he only followed some friends and family (he told me who was who and that if I wanted I could remove someone). Another thing I forgot to mention was that he's been in a group for a few years where his friends who are in that group always hit on him, he's kind of reciprocal with them. He never let me go there because according to him I wouldn't like the type of humor they have there... a group that sends a lot of videos and photos of naked women, women dancing.. But he refuses to leave because he "is already a long-time member there, and his friends are there", in his words. Coming back, he told me that he only followed her because she followed him first and I told him that if she followed him it was because he unblocked her, he was upset that I said that and blocked her again. Some time later I returned to the hospital with some urgency as I was unable to cope with the pain, I needed to stay there overnight whilst receiving medication. He wasn't happy about it at all since that meant there would be no videos or photos. The doctors asked me to do some tests as quickly as possible to try to find out the cause of this pain, which they thought was the kidneys (but it wasn't).This meant I had to leave the house and go to the clinics to schedule exams and take them. He was never happy when I needed to leave the house or when I went out with my family. Cut to a time later when we broke up (my initiative) and I put all the toys in the trash. He was super upset and we kind of talked back and forth (I know what many off you will think But I couldn't really break up with him. So he made me buy all the toys again. That is what happened. Well, I bought not only the toys but also some lingerie. He really liked that and it seemed like we were finally okay. But it didn't last long. Soon we fought again and broke up, once again I put everything in the trash, he came back, he forced me again Buying but he was the one who bought the things. He continued to force me to record the videos and send them to him. During this time of ending the relationship and coming back, ending the relationship and coming back, I called his friends to ask for help. John was super upset with this attitude of mine. He told me that I made a mistake and broke his trust. Then time passed and he went on a trip with his family when he returned home, it was on a day when there was a party in his city and his friends were going. When he got home he told me and said he was going to sleep. I was suspicious so I went to look at his friend's profile and guess what? His friend had just post a story where John appeared. Same t-shirt, same cap. The same face. Obviously I confronted him about it and he told me it wasn't him because he was sleeping at home. I didn't believe it but leave it behind. At this point, my best friend couldn't take it anymore, almost every day of me crying to her about John and his actions. A few weeks went by and I asked his friend if it was really John or not, he said no (I believe he was covering it up.So he went to get a tattoo, on his neck. When it was over he went to sleep. I don't remember that day well but I remember that I called him many times that night and when he answered I heard moaning.. so I hung up and told my best friend. I called again and again and when he answered I heard the sound of a car. I was devastated, I couldn't believe it. The next morning he freaked out at me, and said he was sleeping. First he said that his mother had answered the phone, then he said that he had answered the phone and that the moans were his because of the tattoo. I pretended this situation hadn't happened and we moved on. (note: I was emotionally dependent on him) Cut to January of this year, when he asked me to open up the relationship as this wasn't working. I said no, and that in my view it was like cheating but without the burden of conscience. So he continued to treat me badly. He admitted that when he first started treating me badly it was only because he wanted me to break up with him. (he thought traumatizing me and triggering me was a good idea) He told me he didn't want me to see his Facebook so I wouldn't see his relatives' profiles. When I asked about some people he followed that he had already said were cousins, he said that they were friends or that he didn't know that his friends had asked him to follow them and sending messages to them. When I followed someone he always freaked out and asked who he was over and over again, for example: I followed someone, John saw it and sent me a message asking who it was, I replied "he's a friend of mine" Then John would go on "who is he?" and again "who is he?" and again and again... Two months ago he said he wanted some time, I said very badly, he said it could be but that we wouldn't be with other people nor would there be flirting with other people. He agreed. But then we got into a big fight where he threatened me with a lawsuit, he didn't give me reasons or anything, he just said he was going to sue me. I insisted on knowing why he only said he was going to have to pay him a high price and I would probably go to prison. So for the next 3 days this was our topic of conversation, him threatening me, me crying, and asking why. Then I reached my limit On the day of the last lawsuit threat, I told my mother about him, the way he treated me and that I wanted a new cell phone number.(She didn't know, I never told her about him. Although he tried to contact her a few times. But I blocked him) So we went to buy a new contact for me, as he couldn't call me or get in touch with me anywhere. He asked some people to call my mother and my friends. My friends were talking to me and sending me screenshots of everything, so someone sent him the link to our group and he went in there and found out my new number. I was weakened when my friend told me that he was crying and that he told him that he loved me and that he was afraid of losing me. So I said okay I could talk to him. He told me some things like that he was sorry for making me suffer. I tried to understand his side. We came back. But I told him that the first thing he did I would leave. I did not go. And I regret it. He was never affectionate, or cute with me again. He continued to force me to send him photos and videos. And doing what he wanted. He was upset when I left. He didn't like me posting full body photos or showing more. Whereas he could go around shirtless, send shirtless photos to his group, post shirtless photos online. Once he published a photo of a photo with his cousin and hid it from me so I wouldn't see it (I knew he was going to this party, he had told me, it was a family party) Since then, I went to lawyers to ask for advice. One of the people I managed to talk to, as it was online and free, told me to contact the police and that what he was doing was wrong. Every time I ask him something he gets upset and says they are useless questions, that I'm stupid, I don't understand anything. Whenever he forces me to record something, he never sends anything. He always says he's tired, But if his friends ask him to go out or go to dinner or do anything, he'll go, even if he's tired. This is it. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm really afraid that he'll do something, after so many threats, and all the lies. I have the support of my family and friends. I'm sorry if there are some mistakes, I used the translator and tried to explain more or less all the information you should know. Please be friendly.