I wanted to give back a bit after receiving some great information from folks on this sub before a (very short notice and sparsely planned) solo trip to Panama in late April/early May of 2024. I'm subtitling this post "I did a lot in Panama so you don't (necessarily) have to". Truth be told, I started the trip with 4 nights and one in-country flight booked and built the rest of my itinerary on the fly. I definitely could have used an extra week or so before the trip to do some itinerary planning, deeper research on where I chose to stay, etc. but I really enjoyed most of the trip and would absolutely recommend Panama as a solo trip destination.
Rough pre-departure itinerary:

• Panama City: Arrive at about 2 PM on a Thursday, stay three nights at Selina Casco Viejo, depart at 8 AM on Sunday via plane to David (Copa Airlines)
• Boquete: Arrive at about noon Sunday (after transit to town from airport), stay two nights at the Bambuda Castle
• Bocas for unknown amount of time/other stuff in the west off the country
• Return to Panama City from David via plane (Copa) Sunday Morning
• Return to USA on a redeye flight Tuesday night

I arrived in Panama City on time and took an Uber straight to Selina (cost $28). The Selina there is in a decent location, kind of on the edge of Casco Viejo but walkable to everything. I checked in and was told there was a welcome happy hour with a free drink and a free walking tour every day at 10. The 6-person dorm had a dedicated bathroom, but wasn't much for the price ($30/night) and I'm just now realizing I booked a 4-person dorm then was put in the wrong lodging... There is a bar and allegedly a pool on the roof of the property, but the pool was not open when I was there. The welcome drink was an underwhelming event, though I did meet a few cool people I ended up doing more with later. There really isn't much in the way of common space at Selina Casco Viejo and I found it to be overpriced, underwhelming, and not a great place to meet people. I ended up booking the canal tour ($60ish) with them (which was via the personal vehicle of the guide, a small sedan cramming 4 of us in plus the driver), but I did a different free walking tour after hearing poor reviews of the one provided by Selina. While Selina felt like a huge waste (would not recommend this location), I really liked Casco Viejo. The food was surprisingly good, especially ceviche at Marea https://maps.app.goo.gl/MdWBJ1uw4mWLB7r2A and a nice stop for middle eastern at Estambul Casco https://maps.app.goo.gl/qFq8wAm5NEzJw84F8 . I also made a quick stop with some people from the hostel at La Fabrica https://maps.app.goo.gl/WdAG1KAhwmkj1TbS8 which had a decent tap list and cool vibe and the Pedro Mandinga Rum bar (highly recommend) for some beers and a rum flight https://maps.app.goo.gl/seXCnetthN18BbUB9 . I also, as a cigar smoker, made a stop at the official La Casa del Habano store https://maps.app.goo.gl/uhswvnFPe1Y1Uzbu9 where the staff was chill and the cigarum selection was good. I finished out my cigar and partook in a bit of happy hour across the street at Finca del Mar which had a decent outdoor area for a drink https://maps.app.goo.gl/kPSiTHdd2mJmtakGA but the food was not recommended so I didn't try it.
I was up early to get to David on Sunday morning, so I figured I'd just grab food and coffee at the airport lounge (mistake). It turns out the Copa flight to David departs from the "domestic" gate, which is a standalone area on the ground floor of the airport. There are no amenities, just a single vending machine, and you get bussed to the plane. Do not go early for a David flight, security was very easy and I ended up waiting in the small seating area for way too long. The flight was fine, but don't expect to access a lounge or coffee shop after security.
I got to David pretty early and hadn't done my research on transit, but knew there was public bus service to Boquete. I was trying to figure out how to get to the bus terminal when a taxi offered to drive me all the way to Boquete for $40 which seemed like a decent deal so I went for it. Boquete is pretty small, a little mountain town with a relaxed vibe. I spent quite a bit of time at the brewery which, if you know craft beer pretty well, wasn't the best on beer quality but had good live music and a fun atmosphere https://maps.app.goo.gl/EJFiRiwQsbJ89UPa9 . I worked from here a little bit too, definitely where I spent the most time. I got a delicious dinner at RetroGusto which was really reasonable https://maps.app.goo.gl/8gcU1GHqXrfbTCoX9 and a good lunch at Donde Giselle which was a little more expensive, but also delicious https://maps.app.goo.gl/uNsz1EqCDfnSpYfk8 . I did a coffee finca tour through Bambuda ($35) at Don Pepe. It was pretty cool, not a lot of walking but the guide was knowledgeable and we got to see the full operation in a small footprint. I bought one bag and was happy I did, they were 3 times the price in the airport on the way home. The Tres Cascadas (three waterfall) trail was a must, it does have a steep section that has ropes affixed to help but was otherwise a pretty straightforward trail. It did cost a few dollars to hike as it's on private property. I took a taxi there ($20) but took the bus back ($2.25). The bus comes by every 30-40 minutes and they generally wait a bit at the entrance to the trail from the road to see if people come down. We did end up picking up a whole bunch of kids leaving school, but it was pretty funny and we managed to fit everyone. I did do the Volcan Baru hike, which cost $18 for a taxi to the trailhead but was otherwise free. It is a grueling hike, it took a little over 5 hours for me to get to the top and I was not having fun. I was very lucky to encounter a couple who was dropped off at the same time at the trailhead and, while we did not hike together, we did take a few breaks together and it was nice to be within sight of their headlamps. It was COLD at the top and I was happy I had a light down jacket and a fleece. I did a good job of timing up my climb with the sunrise, only needing to wait at the top for maybe 30 minutes before the sun came up. You can go up in a jeep, and I was very lucky to beat the offroad vehicles up as they were very loud coming up the mountain. It did get pretty crowded at the top by the time all of the jeeps had emptied out and their clients climbed the last bit to the summit. The view was phenomenal, you can see both the Caribbean and the Pacific on a clear day and the sunrise was beautiful. It was a little annoying that the 6 of us who climbed it had to share with the 25 or so who rode up in cars, but worth it. One spot I wish I had visited, but it just didn't work out, was a wood fire pizza spot that came recommended by our coffee guide and by several travelers https://maps.app.goo.gl/T93KKqHxXoQ7AFhf6 . I got lucky at the Bambuda Castle as I booked a 3 bed room but had it to myself. It had a nice restaurant and common space within the castle itself that was a good working space and had a fantastic view. The food was pretty good, with a few vegetarian options and smoothies. It's a pretty decent walk from the center of town, and about $4-5 taxi ride from the Boquete center. If I went again, I would probably look to stay somewhere in the center of town but I don't regret giving the Castle a shot.
I traveled out of Boquete to Bocas del Toro the same day I did the Baru hike, leaving via shuttle at 1 PM ($37) which I arranged through Bambuda. I ended up using a discount QR code at Bambuda Castle to book their Bocas town Hostel for three nights. The shuttle was fine, but it's a quick trip through winding mountain roads so be prepared if you get carsick. A big bonus, that I would recommend you ask about, was that this shuttle did not go all the way to Almirante, but instead stopped at Chiriqui Grande and proceeded via small boat (lancha) from there. The longer boat trip was fantastic, much better than the long/boring road which runs the rest of the way. I got stopped right off the boat in by several people trying to sell tours and got one person's number for a potential $35 Cayo Zapatilla tour but didn't commit, choosing to get to Bambuda Bocas Town first and settle in before making decisions. While I wish I had spent some more time at either red frog beach or another island, with only 3 nights and having booked late my options were limited. For Bocas Town, Bambuda was great. The front desk folks were pretty helpful and the restaurant was good for breakfast (the vegetarian burrito option is better than the sandwich). The hostel deck goes right out to the lagoon, and it's always busy with people hanging out in the sun or jumping into the lagoon. It was a great spot to do some work over coffee and, frankly, I wish I had spent more time here or at the Bambuda Lodge. I ended up doing the Caya Zapatilla tour (highly recommend, if only for the stop at Caya Zapatilla) for $35 with the operator I met right off the boat. This included pick up and drop off from Bambuda, and they had a cooler that I threw a few Balboas of my own in for the trip. We did stop mid-way for lunch which was not included and was a little expensive. This was the only actual tour I did during my time there, I spent my other full day just kind of hanging out and went to Starfish Beach (not as nice as Caya Zapatilla, but worth an afternoon) with a group from the hostel. I also did salsa night at Selina (fun, but a bad instructor) and karaoke at Aqua Lounge (get there in time to get a round of the happy hour special, the screen is behind the stage so not ideal for karaoke but it's easy to get on the list). I did not do Filthy Friday, I ended up departing Bocas that day but I would have been on the fence about it anyway. I guess it's a "when in Bocas" thing, so I probably would have gone for it. I really wish I had spent another night in Bocas, I regretted not having another day out there as soon as I left. It turned out to be the best place on my trip to meet people, it's definitely a general party vibe, and actually the best place to get work done of the hostels I stayed at. I did dinner at Pier 19 which was pretty nice, if not a little expensive and probably not a good solo traveler vibe https://maps.app.goo.gl/6vJG1rdUPCqEf9W3A . I did brunch one day away from Bambuda at Casa Papaya, their typical Panamanian breakfast and it was a great deal/meal https://maps.app.goo.gl/9CPFCxu6woWwKuwM7 . I did hear from some people that the bird island was a fun tour, and worth the day/cost. I did some bonus late night, unofficial stuff like swimming after midnight at Selina and an impromptu midnight trip out to see the bioluminescence and the stars with a random lancha taxi from the Selina dock. Not sure how I'd direct someone to arrange that, but say yes if it's an option.
I took off from Bocas via shuttle for the Lost and Found Hostel on Friday around noon ($20) which I arranged at the main lancha dock. This shuttle did not include a boat all the way to Chiriqui Grande, it was the short boat with the long road segment. A few people did get car sick during the first leg of the trip, the road is in pretty rough shape so lots of speeding up, slowing down, and swerving potholes. Lost and Found really caught my eye because of how much I enjoyed Secret Garden Cotopaxi in Ecuador. In the end, it didn't live up to that lofty expectation and I should not have squeezed it in. The allure is that it's isolated in the jungle, you have to walk about 15 minutes up the trail from the road to reach the hostel property. There are several buildings, with one primary common area with a few tables and hammocks. A big downside is that everything is outdoors, under cover of roofs but open still, which wasn't ideal in the evening during the season I went where it rained in the afternoons. There is a community kitchen if you bring your own food along, or there is an option to get breakfast/lunch/dinner from the hostel. I had a few meals there: the smoothie bowl was good, the lentil curry was a little on the salty side. The hiking is pretty cool and I ended up going up over the mountain to the big tree, the lookout, and the river. I didn't bring water, but definitely should have brought a liter along. In the end, with only about half a dozen other people staying there and 2/3 of the staff being pretty insular and not really socializing with the guests, it just wasn't a great addition to my trip. It might be a better option for a group or during a different season, but it provided a logistical challenge to make my flight back from David to Panama City and it wasn't really worth the risk of making it work, so I hired a car ($30) to take me to David and just ate the price of my second night at Lost and Found. It was beautiful, but it just wasn't on the same level as Secret Garden Cotopaxi which inspired me to give this a shot. I think, all in, my stop at Lost and Found cost me about $76.
The combination of having scheduled a flight on election day (oops) and the lack of help from lost and found staff meant that my best bet was a night in David. I used Hilton points to book a night at the Hampton and had myself a recovery night. I got a hot and ready pizza from the Little Caesar's next door and two Sam Adam's Boston Lagers from the bar. Fantastic recovery night, vey nice Hampton, and a pretty nice little breakfast. It refreshed me at a point where I was not really enjoying the trip and pushed me to go for one more stop rather than laying low in Panama City.
After my flight back to Panama City, I took the metro all the way to the Avenida Terminal (less than $1 total, it is very easy to purchase a card and load it at the station) to grab the bus to Valle de Anton. It was fairly easy to find the window to buy the bus ticket ($4.25). It's important to buy for El Valle and not just Anton, a town which is not where you want to end up. There was a confusing bit of business related to a transit card (not the same transit card as the metro. I couldn't seem to find a machine to buy one from, and eventually the guy at the turnstile took pity and just used his own to let me in. I paid him back, but it was very confusing that you needed to buy the ticket then a card with which to pay an additional 10 cents to get to the bus at Gate 53. I can't really offer advice other than you should try to figure out how to get this card, or if you can just pay with a dime, right when you buy your ticket. I let the bus (not a very big bus, somewhere between a van and a bus) driver know where I was headed on the way and they dropped me right at Bohdi in Valle de Anton. The whole trip is about 3 hours, with lots of local stops the whole way. Bohdi was a pretty cool spot, with a great yoga space with a guided lesson on a TV every morning. It has a kitchen if you want to cook for yourself and free coffee plus breakfast every day from 7:30-10:00. Both breakfasts were pancakes, but it was free and they were pretty good. There are some cool lounge spots out back, a few cafe tables out front, and a loft space as well. It was a decent, but not perfect spot, to do work if that's what you're looking for. The dorm does have 3 levels of beds, and they aren't all that comfy, but I'd recommend Bohdi. The first night I was in town I went to the Golden Frog Inn on a recommendation and it turned out to be a great spot to watch the sunset and have some pretty good (although a small) vegetarian tacos https://maps.app.goo.gl/pzRuyYuwHZvMVnAo8 . One afternoon I chose to do the India Dormida hike, I left and walked all the way back to Bohdi, it was a few hours total. It's a quick climb up to the top and you can walk the whole ridge that forms the edge of the caldera. It was a beautiful view and you can really see the old crater rim formations from the top. It's clear up there, no trees and wide open, and the breeze was very refreshing. I ended up coming down about halfway across the ridge, starting from the north. I grabbed a vegetarian dinner at El Rincon Colombiano which I'd recommend https://maps.app.goo.gl/tRcAAnAm9fYni7Nv8 and some guacamole and a beer at La Ranita which was pretty good https://maps.app.goo.gl/BcdB8uCqaSRv1RyE8 . Overall, I really liked Valle de Anton and I'm happy I made it happen. It's a little drier and warmer than Boquete, with a lot less coffee influence, but I liked the vibe and wish I had done more hiking around the area.
For my last evening in Panama, I grabbed a room just to have a place to put bags and clean up before my flight at Hotel Caracas, a recommendation from someone I met in my first stop in Casco Viejo. I did not plan to work from here, nor did I spend a night, but for $35 it was a perfect spot to leave things as I went to knock out a few more items before my flight home. I popped into Tantalo for a quick bite to eat https://maps.app.goo.gl/9pA9Dmw8AE9doabT7 which I don't know if I'd recommend for food, but the view was good. I think I meant to go to CasaCasco, which was recommended for ceviche and sushi, but ended up in the wrong spot. I then went over to Element to get some cocktails https://maps.app.goo.gl/mwYt2D7X43ua4jGu6 . Element has an interesting vibe, kind of a steampunk theme to the décor. The two guys behind the bar, who I believe own it, were fantastic. They don't have a set menu but instead try to match a drink to what you're feeling at the time. I had a classic daquiri and an old fashioned, which both came with a little bit of a twist on the classic recipe. They also pulled down a few different spirits which we tasted together, overall I'd highly recommend a stop and it was especially fun as the only patron there. After two cocktails, I cleaned up and called an Uber and headed to the airport. Just a heads up, the Copa Club is pretty nice, has limited food, but tragically closes at 9 PM. I had a flight that left at nearly 11 PM, so this was a little disappointing.
Overall, I loved Panama. The people were friendly, even if the service in many places was pretty lackluster. It's more expensive than Colombia or Ecuador, but several people told me it's slightly cheaper than Costa Rica. It's a good stop if you're not sure about central or south America as it's extremely safe, if you use common sense, and it's not too hard to get around using shuttles/taxis/ubers if you don't want to brave public transit. It offers very good food options in Panama City, and it's easy to find a Hampton Inn/Hooters/McDonald's/Little Caesar's/Wendy's if you need a break from being adventurous. The Spanish isn't difficult, and most people speak at least some English. I would have dropped lost and found hostel from my itinerary if I planned it again, but did not regret any of the other stops. I do kind of wish I had focused on Bocas and Boquete, saving Valle de Anton and maybe San Blas together for a future trip, but I had already painted myself into a bit of a corner with my David-Panama flights by the time I realized this. I hope this helps someone as they plan their Panama trip, or helps them decide Panama is a worthwhile visit! Please do not make as many changes as I did, I absolutely did at least one to many stops and wish I had spent more time in Bocas and probably Valle de Anton. Anyway, feel free to ask questions in the comments and I'll try to address them as they come in!
Final Itinerary:

• 3 nights at Selina Casco Viejo (meh, not recommended)
• 2 nights at Bambuda Castle Boquete
• 3 nights at Bambuda Bocas Town (recommend)
• 1 night at Lost & Found Hostel (not my jam, would not do again)
• 1 night at Hampton Inn David (saved my trip, loved it, would recommend)
• 2 nights at Bohdi Valle de Anton (solid, would recommend)
• 1 kind of night at Hotel Caracas (did exactly what I needed)

A question for those of you that own this pin but don't really care for the band. How much of an issue is this? The music doesn't impact me on location, but most arcades are noisy enough that I'm probably not really even hearing much of it. Playing at home I expect I would hear a lot more.
I'm not saying they're terrible, just at 52 they're sort of after my peak music years and I don't really know them much. I recognize a few songs, but they don't make me want to jam out or anything. However, I DO really like the playfield layout and flow of the game and maybe it's easy enough to just treat them as made-up cartoon characters with made-up songs written for their cartoon show?
I mean, Scooby Doo had a bunch of made up songs for their episodes and nobody ever cared what band played them, right?
Let me know what you guys think. If I don't get a Foo the other titles I'm looking at are Bond and Jaws. Kind of wish the new Jack Danger pin was coming out next instead of Wick so I could see what that's like. If it feels like Foo but has a better theme then I might go for that.
Thanks!

What am I doing? Dominick Mason asked himself for the hundredth time that night. It was late on a rainy Sunday evening and Dom, a tall, lanky man-boy of twenty-five with a prominent Adam’s apple and too big eyes, stared out the rain-slicked window of the 905. The big bus swayed and jostled as it lumbered down Central Avenue, the movements strangely comforting, conducive to reflection…and self-doubt.
As if on cue, his phone buzzed, and a pit opened up in his stomach. He fumbled it out with long fingers and read the text. Are u almost here
His thumb hovered over the screen, but he did not reply. Part of him wanted to block the number, slink back home with his tail between his legs, and forget the whole thing. He could boot up his PS4 and play Red Dead Redemption or GTA V like always. Safe. Familiar. The thought, however, stirred a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach.
It was dread.
Every night, he did the same thing. He came home from work to his tiny prison cell apartment. He had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He played video games until it was time to go to bed. The worst part of the whole night was when he turned off the TV and saw his murky reflection in the screen. Plaid. Scrawny. Disgusting. He hated being locked in that apartment, with its old smells and white walls, but he hated going out even more. At least in his hole, he was safe, like a mouse. No one hurt or lied to him there. No one gave him funny looks. No one rejected him. He was completely safe in his solitude, a wounded animal hiding in its den and licking its wounds.
He was wounded and he knew it.
And he hated himself for it. Hated that he wasn’t stronger or better. Hated that even though he tried so hard, everything he did fell apart…if it even came together in the first place, which it rarely did.
The phone buzzed again.
Just a question mark this time.
His heart began to race and a steely fist slowly closed around his lungs. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took a deep breath. He pictured himself alone in his little apartment. He loved the image, but he hated it too. Most nights, he didn’t mind being alone. He had to not mind it, because he didn’t have a choice. Some nights…some nights he didn’t want to be alone. Some nights he wanted warmth, he wanted tenderness…some nights, he wanted to be human.
Every so often, Dom would get the urge to find those things. They came less frequently than they did before, but unfortunately, they still came. He would create an account on Plenty of Fish and OKCupid, maybe some of the other sites as well. He would agonize over his stupid intro and his stupid list of hobbies. He would spend hours - literally hours - writing and rewriting them, trying at first to be serious, then light and funny, then cool, then aloof, then vulnerable. He would take the best possible pictures from the best possible angles, then upload them, never lingering over them because he hated the way he looked. He didn’t think he was ugly - mid was more like it - but apparently, he was ugly. Too ugly for love, too ugly even to talk to.
The ugly barnacle. So ugly that everyone died. The end.
All of Dom’s pictures were all selfies, of course. Guys he listened to on YouTube said he needed action shots, shots with friends, shots that showed women he had a life, was valued by those around him, and knew how to have fun. Too bad for him, he had no friends and no one valued him, not even his own mother. On the surface, maybe, but she had hurt him so many times over the years in so many ways that even the most devout son would stop and think.
It had to be selfies.
When his profile was in order - or as much in order as he could get it - he would start to browse. Dom knew his place and never messaged women who were too beautiful. He used to, but they never responded. He eventually began to skip their profiles with a pang of loss and a quiet what if? Now, he barely noticed them. Blonde. Petite. Blue eyes. Maybe she was a cheerleader at one time, maybe she was the type of girl who looked down her nose at guys like him. Maybe she was a sweetheart. In any case, he would never find out, so who cares?
He went for women he could realistically obtain…the type of women he’d dated and hooked up with in the past. Some were attractive in their own way, others were hard to look at, he wasn’t picky; he couldn’t afford to be picky. One woman he saw was a good three hundred pounds. She was nice and he liked her enough, but he lapsed into depression while they were dating and he never messaged her back…not that she made a huge effort to message him. Another was a pre-K teacher in her mid-thirties. Overweight with a big nose, glasses, and a plain face when she wasn’t wearing make-up. He liked her a lot and wanted to be with her, but after a month of weekend hookups, she said she didn’t love him. She told him she wanted a family - three kids, to be exact - but “changed her mind.” No, she didn’t. She just didn’t want those things with him.
Now she was in her late thirties, single, and having regrets.
She still wouldn’t settle for him, though.
Another woman he’d seen recently (six months ago) was fifty, but not unattractive. They texted for weeks, hot and heavy. She outright told him that she wanted to have sex with him. Said all sorts of nasty and sexual things. Their first (and only date) was her coming to his apartment. Instead of tender kisses, loving caresses, and intense emotions, they shared an awkward two hours on his couch. When he tried to hold her hand and put his arm around her, she stiffened. Not much, just a little. She said she “wasn’t ready.” He sat there and watched the flowers he’d gotten her wilt as she talked about her ex for an hour and a half, his arms pointedly crossed. He even leaned as far away from her as humanly possible, trying to communicate with his body language what he didn’t have the guts to communicate with his words: I’m uncomfortable, please leave. He planned to take her to a nice restaurant after they made love. Instead, he ordered something after she finally got the hint and left, eating alone like always.
After her, he deleted his profile (again) and resolved to never bother with dating again. Obviously there was something wrong with him. He saw guys who were uglier and more awkward than him with girlfriends, some actually stunning, but there was something about him in particular, something that repelled women…and men too.
Everyone.
It repelled everyone.
Maybe it was his self-loathing. After all, no one likes a sad sack. But that’s the thing: He was like this because of those experiences. It was a what came first, the chicken or the egg situation. Looking back, he had almost normal confidence at one point. Then all of this happened. The hundreds of messages he sent on the dating apps staying on read, unanswered, like he never sent them at all, like he was garbage unworthy of even a hello. The awkward dates. The occasional “success” that eventually fell apart…sometimes because of him, and sometimes because of them. The one girl who ran away from him when he tried to walk her to her car after a date. They didn’t click, he knew that, but he didn’t say or do anything creepy. Why did she do that? The girls who lead him on, talking about sex and sometimes even love but always had a reason they couldn’t meet.
There were other examples - many others - but it was all the same. Who cared?
Dom wanted to crawl back into his hole and stay there, to stop poking his head out and getting hurt. He wanted it so bad…but he was only human. Deep down, buried beneath layer after layer of scar tissue, there was still hope. Hope for love, for companionship, for acceptance, for intimacy and human touch. It was only an ember now, but even an ember is enough to spark a fire.
Some nights, he wanted to be safe. Other nights, he wanted to take a risk.
And this night was one of the latter.
Be there soon, he texted. He swallowed hard and wetted his lips. His heart was pounding faster and his bowels were loose. He really hoped this worked out. He didn’t think he could handle another rejection. If she turned him down, he’d probably go home and kill himself. Why go on like this?
He’d had that thought before…but he never followed through.
Maybe one day he’d actually shut the fuck up and do it already.
Maybe.
Ok :)
Her name was Heather and she was fat. She was not unattractive in the face and she wore her weight well, not that that mattered - he would take what he could get. They started talking on OKCupid last week and very soon, the conversation became sexual. He didn’t start it, though, she did. She was ahem very excited, she said. He liked to think that she was lonely, desperate, and wanted intimacy - any intimacy - just like him.
That really turned him on.
They agreed to meet, and now here he was, on the bus to her apartment on the other side of the city, hoping against hope that she didn’t hurt him too.
He put the phone away and stared straight ahead. The bus was nearly deserted, save for an old bag lady up front and a few Mexican guys in the back. Lights lined the bus’s roof, providing a cold, impersonal light. Dom took a deep breath and forced his dark emotions away. It was all on him to make this work. He would accept her fat, ugly, poor, and crippled, but he had to work to earn her love. He could do it.
When the bus finally reached his stop, he yanked the cord and got off. There was a plexiglass shelter lit by a single, lonely bulb. Trash littered the ground. Beyond the shelter, a park lay in darkness. Behind him, on the other side of the road, a housing project not unlike his own towered into the sky, lit up like a ship at sail. Dom swallowed his nerves and crossed the street. He found the door that she had directed him to use, and climbed the stairs. He expected trash, graffiti, and winos passed out on every landing. Instead, the stairwell was clean and deserted. His nerves welled as he climbed but he forced them down again. On the ninth floor, he went down the hall, battered on all sides by the stale smells of cooking and the murmur of TVs and voices coming from every apartment.
Dom paused at Apartment 237.
Heather’s.
You got this, he told himself.
And really, he did. Their plan - well, Heather’s, really - was simple and straightforward. She told him that she would leave the door unlocked. He was to come in, go to the bedroom, and she would be waiting for him. She said it was a fantasy of hers.
On some level, he knew all along that the whole setup sounded fishy. Was he being set up to get robbed? Would he walk in and get jumped by a bunch of Crips? He hesitated, but his need for love - and, yes, release - pushed him on.
He opened the door.
Inside, the apartment was small and messy, a living room to the right and a tiny kitchen to the left. The only light on was the one above the stove.
Everything else was in shadows.
Dom’s heart skipped a beat.
This didn’t feel right.
That thought was overpowered by the smell, a sickly sweet odor that suddenly seemed to be everywhere. His stomach twisted and he turned his head slightly to one side, as if to spare his nose. It smelled like something spoiled.
A voice spoke from the darkness, startling him. “I’m in here.”
It was light, airy, and cute.
For the last time, Dom hesitated. Some primal sense told him to turn around and leave…
…but he wanted to be loved.
Dom entered and shut the door behind him.
The smell was stronger. The atmosphere darker.
Ahead, he could barely make out an open doorway in the shadows.
He crossed to it.
The smell was overpowering here and Dom felt like he was going to puke. Any desire he had felt was gone, replaced only by revulsion and claustrophobia. It was cold, he realized, so cold that his teeth chattered.
Okay, fuck this.
He started to turn around, intent on leaving, but a small, white hand reached from the darkness. Icy fingertips brushed his cheek and his heart blasted into his throat.
Then she was there, her body pressing against his and her lips fused with his. The smell, the freezer chill, both stronger than ever.
They were both coming from her.
Her tongue hungrily lashed his own, and she pushed him against the wall. Her hands slipped under his shirt and pressed flat against his chest. They were so cold that he almost cried out.
Dom wanted to push her away, to run, but he didn’t. Instead, he froze up and allowed her to push him onto the bed. Was he too gutless to tell her no, the way he’d been too gutless to tell the woman who went on and on about her ex to shut up and leave? Did he secretly want to go through with this? He didn’t know, and he didn’t have time to figure it out. She was on top of him now, straddling him, his legs caged between her ample thighs. She grabbed his hands and pressed them to her bare breasts.
They were as cold as the rest of her.
She leaned down and kissed him again. He hadn’t noticed it before, but her tongue was…dry. Her mouth itself tasted strange. Off.
Heather broke from his lips and peppered kisses on his cheek and forehead, assaulting him with an intimacy that Dom no longer wanted.
Through it all, she was as silent as a tomb. She wasn’t panting or rasping with excitement. In fact, he didn’t think she was even breathing.
She brushed her lips along the exposed curve of his throat, and tingles of revulsion shot down his spine. She found his pulse and kissed it. Trembles of excitement raced through her body and she started to lap his neck like a dog.
Without warning, a fiery pinprick of pain exploded over him and Heather began to shake and pant. Dom cried out and tried to fight her off, but she was too heavy, too much.
With a tiny, mouse-like squeak - a sound of pitiable fear and resignation - Dom blacked out.

I have been mainly working with VST synths, mainly because of space limitations as a OtR trucker laptop only.
Anyway I've always wanted to move to hardware and I'm finally coming off the road and going to be able to do so. Because of this I'm starting to build a wishlist to build out my rig.
Goal: Build a hybrid setup
I want to us Ableton as my "brain" to sequence and record jam sessions but use hardware as my sound sources.
Ideally I would like capture both midi notes and parm changes inside of Ableton to be able to tweak in post. I understand both audio and midi routing so that's not a problem.
I know I could midimap macros from racks to the hardware, and use a midi controller to adjust synth parts however that feels convoluted. So my question is how would I capture parm changes I make on the synth face to Ableton?
I would think I would still have to map macros to do that, which is fine, as long as I can capture the changes made on the synth.
The benefits I'm thinking are 2 fold: 1. I can as mentioned earlier, go back in post to tweak automation lanes. 2. It would allow me to create a recall of sorts for the synth using variations snapshots in the macro device.
I'm assuming I would be able to do this using the midi out from the synths, am I correct?
The gear I'm looking at are they able to send midi other than just notes and clock?
List of wishlist gear: Midi out modded Volcas Crave Toro Drumbrute impact
Any information on how and if this can be accomplished with the specific mentioned gear would be helpful before I buy. Thanks

Genocide looked to the sky. He thought of his mentor. The one who had saved him. He remembered his childhood. How powerless he was. He remembered the anger. He never wanted to hurt anybody. He thought of all the times he showed compassion. How much they hurt him for it. He saw the world before him, a graveyard. Humans. People that were supposed to be made in the image of some divine creator. They were but maggots feasting upon his remains. They ate away at his very being until nothing human remained. His thoughts were no longer his own. He had no joys in life that mattered. He hated humanity more than he could love anything about himself. He remember his first killing spree. Being gunned down by police. Left for dead. He remembered a hooded figure moving towards him. Getting closer the more he neared his death. He saw its pale face. Its impossibly black eyes. It was a man. This figure in question appeared to be of Japanese nationality with long, straight, loose hair. It emanated extreme malice. It offered him a choice. A purpose. Power. He thought the figure a reaper but it identified itself as Amakusa Masataka. Masataka guided him on how to kill and gave him specific locations to kill people in. In a sense, he became a hitman for quotas of people. He inquired what Masataka was. The presence of evil, his ability to appear and disappear at will, how he could control what people could see him and what people couldn't. While vague, years of killing for this being offered some insight. Amakusa Masataka belonged to a group of people not of this world. His people had been corrupted by a dark force long ago and had aligned themselves with the warlord who had subjugated their version of Japan. Their dark high priest assisted the warlord along with two others. These four rulers in turn served a larger order. The four were tasked with bringing about the end of the current world as an act of retribution for some fallen deity. Masataka's people acted as covert operatives for this empire. They were feared across the land and were collectively referred to as "Shinigami". An agent of the coming apocalypse, a servant of evil possessed by the will of those gods of death, Genocide would walk the earth.
Genocide stepped toward the station. A police cruiser rammed into him. He pulled out a knife and stabbed the hood of the car. The inhuman force of the knife created sparks which burst the engine into flames. The car crashed into a streetlight and exploded. A second cruiser neared the scene. No way a man could have done this. Yet still, out of the fires Genocide strode forth. It set upon the second vehicle, shooting out it's tires while jumping 9 feet into the air. The car tries to reverse but crashes into a wall. Genocide lands on the hood and kicks through the front window. Glass shatters under its boot, blinding the two officers inside. Genocide shoots one of the officers with a shotgun, killing him. The second officer in the passenger seat readies his pistol and takes aim. Only two shots fired, both directed at Genocide's head. It casually cocks its neck to avoid them. Then it grabs the officer's arm, breaking it. Genocide uses its free hand to grab the officer's head and bangs it into the dashboard no less than 5 times. The skull is shattered on the final impact. Genocide jumps off the car and continues on his mission.
Detective Evans speaks through a megaphone," This is your first and final warning. Stand down or we will use any and all means at our disposal to put you down." Genocide dropped its shotgun and raised its hands. A group of five SWAT team members rushed out the station, surrounding Genocide with riot shields. An officer accompanies them, edging behind the figure to apply handcuffs. Suddenly, Genocide springs to life , grabbing the officer behind him. He flips the officer over his head, slamming him into the pavement at his feet. Then Genocide stomps his head causing it to burst. Genocide drops a flash bomb from his coat sleeve, blinding the SWAT team as he draws his knife. He drives it into one SWAT member, the knife puncturing the shield and piercing his chest. Genocide kicks the corpse away withdrawing his knife. He goes to another, this time using the end of his boot toe in a rising kick to disarm their shield. He grabs them by the throat and drives the knife slowly into their eye socket. Another is tackled to the ground and beaten to death despite still being under the shield. Another is picked up and thrown into the fires still burning from the first auto incident. In no time, Genocide stood before an indistinguishable mass of gore, blood streaking across his black leather outfit. He laughed" So this is all you can give me. I'm not entertained." Officers took aim from the station windows, and snipers did so from other rooftops. Genocide laughed maniacally as he was rained down upon from all sides by a hailstorm of bullets. His body convulsed, but he did not fall. Moments more and he was on his knees. Still though, their efforts were futile. Gracia looked out and saw a black mist coalescing around the man in black. His blood. Blood erupted from his body only to transform into this dark mist that reentered his wounds. Genocide screamed. No. It was just an elevated pitch in his laughter. Optimism failed everyone yet again. Gracia saw Genocide holding something in his right hand. She could only make out a beeping red light. Genocide pushed the button triggering the carefully concealed explosives he laid in preparation for this event. C4 explosives went off in all the places he saw fit. The sniping posts he couldn't reach. The assault of lead lightened. Then Genocide drew an RPG from...somewhere. He collected himself and fired at the station's entrance. The explosion shook the station. From inside, the lights began to flicker. Communications were down on all fronts. Had he modified the rocket with some type of EMP? Not good. Amisdst the confusion Genocide entered using smoke bombs to mask his presence. Moving like a shadow, he killed everyone in the lobby silently with his knife. He made his way to the holding cells. Still they chanted. Still they praised. Still they raved for the arrival of genocide. Genocide shot the lock opening the cell. Jim Jimenez walked out and bowed before his master. Genocide smiled. He couldn't have imagined how proficient he had gotten with possession. Well, not quite possession. He had known of the Shinigami's ability to share their thoughts and emotions with humans. Shinigami like his mentor were ancient. They had so many years of memories, such strong a hatred for life that they overwhelmed the personality of the victim. The victim sees themselves as one of them. Shinigami can't force the will of the victim, so they find those who are already similar to them in some way. Genocide found the collective universal distrust of police to be a prime sentiment to capitalize on. He armed the inmates, infecting them with samples of his own dark essence.One particular inmate caught Genocide's eye. He knew the man's work. An arsonist. The one whom he recalls was responsible for blowing up his first car way back in high school. Rather than a standard firearm, Genocide gave the man a random assortment of grenades containing a special surprise. Genocide showed them visions of anarchy, of sending a message to a society that used and disregarded them. While this was also true of how he felt, years of living in darkness had changed him. He needed no purpose. No end goal. No justification. He just wanted to watch the world burn.
Genocide's small army broke off to engage several different wings of the station. Genocide went to the security room. He found Wayne, his informant, playing some FPS on one of the monitors. Wayne took of his headphones and asked," You kill everyone yet?" Genocide responded," No. You should get going before that happens. Your life becomes fair game if I run out of pigs to cook." Wayne clapped his hands, "Aight, GC my man, say less." He packed his things and left. Genocide drew a twin pair of handguns and laid waste to the station. He followed a group that took cover in the men's restroom. Kicking open multiple stalls he was surprised to find...nothing. Where had they gone? He turned around and saw his mentor, Masataka, smiling at him. It looked like him. Long, dark hair, black clothing, and soulless, empty eyes. But it wasn't. It was Genocide's own reflection in the mirror. Genocide smiled. He didn't notice the changes at first. They must have happened gradually. Subconsciously. From the final stall, an officer sprung into action, rushing Genocide, hitting him point blank with a shockgun round. Genocide felt the tingling sensation electrifying his body and grew numb. In spite of the pain, he took a single step. Then, another. He came within striking range of the officer and snatched the shockgun. Two more officers erupted from another stall, battering him with baton strikes. Genocide felt nothing. He clutched the shockgun in his hand like a bat and went to work pulverizing his attackers. An officer kicked in the bathroom door, a woman holding a pistol. She fired multiple times to no effect. Genocide stood covered in blood. He even let her reload. Twice. He wanted to see her despair. Her hopelessness. He walked towards her, shrugging off bullets as they pierced his body. His wounds healed nigh instantly due to the dark essence he had been imbued with. He held her face with both hands, lifting her body off the ground. As she screamed, he used her head to shatter the restroom mirror, running down the full length of it while smashing her into it at several points. He dropped the remains of what he held, washed his hands with soap, dried them, then exited the restroom.
The inmates that rallied for the cause of genocide attacked the station. Fortunately, they were nowhere near Genocide in terms of power and only carried one type of firearm each. They shared his healing ability but could be killed quite easily. Gracia encountered a sniper on the end or a west wing hallway. Other officers waited behind corners unable to get close. Gracia noticed the faulty lighting. In this hallway, the lights flickered in intervals of 3 seconds. Finding a pattern and timing her movements, she rushed the sniper at the exact moment the lights went out. Running the length of the hall, Gracia zigzagged, dodging the sniper inmate's bullets. She jumped on a wall, ran 3 feet on it, then kicked off it, pouncing on the assailant. She fired five shots into him, making sure to hit the brain and the heart. Two severe injuries that were impossible for Shinigami essence to heal simultaneously. Elsewhere, Evans took on another escaped inmate. A vehicular arsonist named Carson. Carson had a bag filled with an assortment of different grenades and was happily giving them out like candy on Halloween. "A flash bang here, a bit of tear gas there. Oh. Wait! Was that an ice grenade? Did the explosion freeze your leg to the floor? Whoops. Maybe a fire grenade will melt that for you. Hold on let me get one fore you," Carson rambled gleefully. Evans looked at the carnage before him. Officers burning. Officers partially frozen in blocks of ice. He took a breath and aimed his wristgun. He steadied his right forearm. Carson readied to throw a random grenade. Evans shot it the moment it left Carson's hand. The grenade exploded directly in front of Carson. Both Evans and Carson looked at each other in shock. Confetti. A party grenade? Carson quickly fumbled for another but was tackled and restrained by several officers. Meanwhile in the South wing, Lary had some colleagues set a trap for another shotgun toting inmate. He had them bait the inmate and flee. Giving chase he turned a corner and ran straight into Lary's fist. The inmate recovered and motioned to shoot Lary. "Let's tango. " Lary gave the code word. Nearby officers activated a device. A signal jammer of sorts. The inmate shoved the barrel of his gun into Lary's gut and pulled the trigger. Nothing. The special signal jammer in question was designed for firearms. It was a last resort as it left officers just as defenseless. Lary was having fun. He boxed the inmate in hand to hand combat. Despite the inmate's enhanced strength, Lary's technique pulled through. Lary ducked under one of the inmate's wide punches and did some type of rising uppercut where he jumped off the ground while spinning. One of the other officers whispered" The rising dragon." Lary smiled giving a thumbs up" Yeah, it was a rising dragon uppercut. Saw it in one O my kid's vidya games. Thought I'd try it out while I'm jacked on adrenaline".
Jim Jimenez looked long and hard at himself in the mirror. He was in the women's restroom. Some brainless woman had broken the men's restroom mirror with her face. For the first time in a long while Jim could think clearly. He was becoming sane. At the least he was no longer a raving lunatic. The life essence of the dark gods had healed the wounds to both his body and his mind. He saw his face, his scraggly dirty beard. He found a razor and shaved. He trimmed his beard somewhat. He liked it. He washed his hair. It fell down his face like silk, no longer greasy. His bloodshot eyes once burning with crazed intensity had cooled. He blinked. Just for a second, he saw the man known as Genocide. The man that attacked him. The one that killed him and gave him new life. The drug dealers. The police. They were all the same in his eyes now. They were all to blame for the world being what it is. Jim wanted to hate them. He wanted to take revenge, but he felt nothing. It didn't matter. He knew he was wronged, could logically justify acting against them, but he just didn't care anymore. About anything. He was finally free. Sensing his presence was no longer needed here, Jim vanished into the night. He needed to find someone who had had the answers he needed. Himself. Who had he been? Who was he now? Who could he become? Where was he going? So many questions to ponder indefinitely. So much time left in the rest of his life.
Genocide ran down the station's halls raining hailstorms of bullets upon its occupants. He had a handgun in each hand as well as a wristgun on each wrist. This effectively gave him 4 separate firearms that he could use simultaneously. Lary regrouped with Gracia, Evans, and a handful of others. They radioed all surviving officers near Genocide to flee to the roof. This plan had been set in motion days before the assault and had been kept hidden from most of the force. The plan involved scheduling flights for several helicopters to arrive at some point after Genocide arrived. There would be no way for him to prepare for them and pre-scheduling their arrival ensured they arrived regardless of if they were called or not. Lary and the others set about preparing the second jamming device. Genocide stood among a hallway of bodies. He saw one man clinging to life trying to crawl away. He decided on trying that other thing he saw his master do. He grabbed the dying man and pinned him to the wall. Slowly he drove a knife into his chest. As the man's life slipped away, something else entered his body. Genocide channeled a small amount of his essence into the vessel. He had steadily done this with other casualties around the station whose bodies were somewhat salvageable. He dropped the body he was holding and looked upon the others. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, his eyed were black, both sclera and iris. The scene before him changed. Genocide had a vision. He saw a dead gray wasteland littered with bodies. These people however weren't cops and wore traditional Japanese attire. In his hand wasn't a gun or knife but a short sickle akin to a farming tool. He heard a dark voice call out to him. Slowly, the corpses around him began to rise, now mere puppets bound eternally to their master's whim. The bodies sold to the reaper who had claimed their lives. Genocide's vision ended. His eyes had returned normal. Around him, dead cops began to rise. His dark essence had entered their bodies and reanimated them. He sent his dead army to attack the officers fleeing to the roof of the station. These zombies swarmed the stairwell giving chase to the few survivors. There were five of them. They had two flights of stairs to climb and a horde of their former colleagues close behind them. One officer tripped and was set upon by the horde. The zombies didn't bite them but held them firmly in place. The other four officers stared down wondering what to do. They could hear Genocide chuckling. They could hear humming. They could feel the temperature rising. Their colleague and the two zombies holding him were hit by an enormous green fireball. Genocide had fired a Magnum Opus and had charged the bullet to level 3. The Magnum Opus was simply a magnum that shot fireballs, with bullets that could be charged by holding down the trigger. It had three levels of charges. Level 1 was a small reddish ball of plasma. Level 2 was slightly larger and yellow. Level 3 was the maximum charge and resulted in a large slow moving green blast of energy. The officer was ignited and Genocide watched gleefully as the force of the blast sent him flying through a wall. The four officers continued up firing occasionally to slow down the zombies. Soon they made it to a door leading to the roof. Before one officer could reach it, he was sniped by Genocide, a bullet to the head killing him instantly. The remaining three made it out. They regrouped with the others already there, 12 in total, including Lary, Evans, and Gracia. This would be their final stand. They just had to hold out until Genocide made it up there. They just had to keep Genocide occupied until the helicopters arrived. Genocide slowly ascended the stairs behind his horde. On the roof, the remaining survivors faced off against waves of the undead. Evans recognized the attackers. These zombies were being controlled by nanomachines. He heard the stories of several weapons encountered by soldiers on the battlefield. These creatures were called Metaldeads as they were reanimated via machines. They had been officially banned by most of the worlds' governments for being unethical. However, this did not stop the technology from being spread still between shady organizations, terrorists, etc. Evans wondered how Genocide got this form of nanotechnology. Evans long speculated that the dark essence used by most of the killers they encountered was a a form of nanotech however it was different from anything else he had seen or heard about. The dark essence seemed to be an amalgamation of other types of nanotech. Evans had to save his inquiries for later. He reloaded his wristgun and took aim at the approaching group of Metaldeads. Gracia steadied her handgun and shot two Metaldeads in the head. From the single door countless arms seemed to spill forth from the darkness. The other officers took turns firing in intervals. this allowed them to create a steady stream of fire where no more that three guns needed to be reloaded at once. The horde seemed to thin out over time as if they were making progress. In actuality, the Metaldeads were just making room for Genocide to enter. Genocide exploded in a sprint from the door. Everyone fired upon the killer. Genocide had now chosen a wrist mounted mini flamethrower to use as his weapon. He stormed past the oncoming bullets taking some damage, but refused to slow down. He unleashed a stream of fire that caught five of the officers in one fell swoop. Gracia fired five rounds into Genocide's face. He stumbled back. Lary took the chance to fire several mine gun bullets at Genocide's feet. The mines quickly detected his movement and exploded. In seconds, Genocide was on his back.
Staring at the night sky Genocide saw the moon. He reached for it. He called for the darkness to give him more power. His wounds began healing. In the sky he could hear the whirl of propellers. There were six helicopters in total. The first two had evacuated the survivors while the others stayed to engage Genocide. Genocide got up and unstrapped the sniper rifle from his back. He stood before the searchlights as a black silhouette, cornered but unwilling to back down. Lary stared down at him smiling. "Okay!" He shouted, "Let's Tango!" Upon this declaration the second jamming device was activated. Now, isolated on the roof, Genocide's guns couldn't be fired and the helicopters were out of range of the device. Now Genocide stood like a sitting duck. A helicopter fired a rocket. Genocide side stepped and grabbed it. He turned his body redirecting the rocket to hit another helicopter. As it exploded Genocide drew his knife and threw it at another helicopter. Behind the knife was such force that it shattered the helicopter window's glass, embedding itself in the pilot. This helicopter too went down where it exploded. "Holy clucknuggets!Did you see that!?" Lary said dumbfounded. Evans looked out the helicopter door he was in jaw open in shock. "There's no way." He collected himself quickly and radioed the remaining two helicopters to keep moving and to use their machineguns as much as possible. The helicopters reigned down upon Genocide tearing apart his body. Shreds of leather and darkened blood sprayed across the pavement of the roof. Gracia watched as Genocide's body was destroyed repeatedly as it tried to heal. Surely he had to stop at some point. After 10 minutes the helicopters had exhausted their cache of ammunition and soldiers opted to fire their own rifles and occasionally throw grenades. After about six minutes, they too had run out of bullets. Genocide stood unfazed. He had long since healed himself and now appeared intangible with gunfire seeming to pass through his body. His coat once ripped , now appeared whole though on closer inspection seemed to writhe. Gracia looked in horror as she remembered the tales her adopted father had told her. Tales he had in turn heard from his predecessors. Every so often officers had reported encounters with ghost like beings cloaked in a cloud of living dark mist. The beings were rumored to be responsible for the deaths of multiple people ranging from scientists, veterans, mafia, politicians, etc. They were seen near such crime scenes and even more shockingly appeared around several sites where suicides were committed. These beings were reportedly impervious to bullets and filled anyone who got near with an impending sense of dread. If Genocide was connected to them or somehow turning into one , there was little chance they would be able to defeat him. Gracia's fears were confirmed when she saw that Genocide's leather coat had been destroyed and he had replaced it with the dark mist coalescing from his own spilled blood. The dark mist, swirling, grew larger and several tendrils sprouted out from it. Gracia could briefly make out a figure standing next to Genocide. A hooded figure cloaked in the same black substance. The figure stared up at her with soulless, blackened eyes which seemed to beckon her to jump from the aircraft she was standing in. Compelling her to give in to the death that plagued the earth. Genocide kneeled to his master. The Shinigami, Masataka stared down at his disciple. "You have done a great service to us. Even now the sealed god stirs in its slumber. Its...Awakening will soon be upon us. It calls out for war. It begs for famine. It longs to continue its conquest. We are the death it so desires. The death that is necessary for this civilization to grow. Use the power that I have bestowed upon you. Finish the mission as you see fit." The Shinigami vanished and Genocide stood.Genocide stared at his hands. He remembered the first killing spree. He was on a bus. It stopped. A woman got on the bus and walked to the back smiling as she passed him. Something about her eyes unnerved him. They were so bright but something dark reflected inside them. He ignored the thought and put in his headphones. In minutes he had dozed off. He jumped awake. He looked around and froze in panic. All around him, everyone had been hacked to pieces. He saw the driver, actively being stabbed by a masked assailant. The mask, painted white with black eyeholes, stared back at him. It raised a finger over where its lips would be. Even under the expressionless visage, he could feel that same smile. He ran home that morning. He went to his room to find it destroyed. His posters, his computer, his tv, everything, had been ruined. He turned around and saw a man at the end of the hallway holding a sledge hammer. "The hell you been, boy?", his stepdad sneered. The man dropped his hammer and walked closer, veins pulsing with rage. He tried to explain how his car had caught fire forcing him to walk 4 miles to the nearest bus stop, but the man's fist was faster than his words. "Boy!Answer me when I talk to you!!" the man says as he backhands the taste out of the would be Genocide's mouth. He took that beating for several minutes before being left to stare at his ransacked room. He hated how his stepdad went out of his way to destroy the things he loved. Soon, another set of footsteps could be heard. It was his mother standing behind his locked door. She didn't knock, or say anything. She just stood there, doing nothing as always. He never knew if she came to talk to him or apologize. All he knew was that she could never bring herself to speak to or even acknowledge him. Maybe out of guilt or perhaps shame. A year or two later after he had had enough he ran away from home. Living out on the streets alone, without friends, or family, he would embark on countless killing sprees. These killings weren't of his own volition however. He was coerced by some corrupt officers from The Unit. They made him kill on their behalf. Sometimes they were protesters, sometimes they were drug dealers, other times, petty criminals they couldn't be bothered to process. It was routine for him to be used to kill entire houses of drug riddled addicts. During one such venture he entered a drug den, killing the dealer as instructed. He took out several junkies before turning to leave. A woman who survived her injuries clung to his heel begging him to stop. Looking down he aimed the handgun he was carrying at her head of long disheveled brown hair and fired. Feeling nothing, he kicked her body aside like trash when it hit him. Her face. This woman had been his mother. What was she doing in a place like this? He felt a shock of emotion. He wondered if she had always been like this, or had she changed after he left. He never made amends, but decided to stop killing from then on. The unit did not like that. Once it became apparent that he was no longer of use to them they started a manhunt to apprehend him with lethal force. They found him. They killed him. But he survived.
He remembered the girl on the bus. He remembered her eyes. Those of a sadistic killer. Still there was something else inside them. Something faint but deeper. So. Much. Sadness. Just like him. He felt the hatred begin to spread. His purpose, he decided, was to make all humans rot in the hell they created for him.
These people, he thought to himself, these living diseases, all needed to die. Their struggles, their problems, they spread like cancer to others. The only cure for humanity's sin, its collective wrongdoings, was genocide.
Around him, dark tendrils continued to form and expand, spinning in a vortex. Genocide pulled out two pistols. He squeezed the triggers to no effect. "As I see fit, huh? Hehe." He squeezed both guns in his hands, breaking them into pieces. He concentrated. In his hands, two more guns materialized now completely black due to being forged from the dark essence. Forged by his will. Immune to the jamming device that shut down conventional firearms. He raised his arms at each remaining helicopter and opened fire. Countless tendrils whipped out and slashed at his targets joining the dark essence bullets. It was chaos. Dark tendrils and bullets tore through every direction as Genocide spun and swirled around in 360 degrees firing randomly with purpose. A tendril pierced Gracia's right arm, another, her abdomen. She was however, fortunate, as the other passengers of her helicopter were dismembered. She barely had time to jump from the vehicle before it crashed. She fell 2 yards onto solid concrete. She felt immense pain as her right shoulder shattered on impact. She looked up to see Genocide's blade like appendages ripping through the other escape helicopters. She rolled onto her back and tried to steady herself. Within seconds her body began to repair itself. The nanocells inside her had saved her life but were now depleted. She would need another supplement lest she receive another fatal injury. The standard nanocells she and the others had were much less potent than those of the killers they faced. In truth, they had only minimal strength boosts being able to lift 5-8 more pounds than before and healing being limited to one or two fatal injuries so long as death didn't occur instantly. Gracia blacked out. She awoke the next morning in a hospital. There the doctors refilled her nanocells. She learned that the station had been left in ruins. Genocide had detonated some type of minature nuke following his rampage. He always blew up the stations as if to send a message. Gracia looked out the window thinking about why she became a cop. Twice her family had been murdered by them. Her biological family had been killed in an on record drug raid committed by a group of corrupt officers called The Unit. She had been adopted by another officer that arrived at the scene who found her as a child hiding in a closed. Sadly, he too was killed for trying to expose the activities of The Unit. Gracia joined the force to avenge both losses and bring justice to the killers that disguised themselves as normal people. Law enforcement was neither good, nor bad. It depended upon the people that made it up. In the dying corrupt world Gracia lived in, she vowed to be a beacon of light. Evans laid in a bed adjacent to Lary. "That damn Genocide's somethin else in' he?Like the stories you told us were understatements. That man could legit not die at this point in the story. Like he has friggin plot armor or somthin.'' Evans cut him off" I get it. We all got our asses handed to us. But did you see that ..thing that appeared next to him. Right before he created that black vortex that wiped us out. That must have something to do with his power. Maybe there's a still a way to stop him."Lary chimed in," That fella looked like he was on the way to a black metal concert wit all the black facepaint he was wearin' Creeped me out to be honest." As the survivors mulled over their predicament, the cycle of evil continued to spread elsewhere.
Budley flips through the pages of a magazine. He checks his watch. He looks around the gas station and doesn't see any customers. Seizing the opportunity, he puts in his headphones and begins playing an imaginary guitar as he jams to a progressive deathcore album. Oblivious to the screams coming from outside, the store clerk moves on to thumping two candy bars on the counter to simulate drums. Budley sees that his shift has ended and begins locking up the store. He sweeps the aisles and jumps as a shadow appears behind him. He turns and sees a well groomed bearded man dressed in a black hoodie, black shirt, and black and gray camo pants. The man holds out his hand and smiles. Budley rings up the pack of nicotine substitute gum. "Tryin to kick the habit huh?" Budley asks. The man replies, "Somethin like that. Gotta get my priorities back in check. Focus on the things that really matter. That damn KonCreep's a hell of a band aren't they?" He nods to the playlist on Budley's phone. "Yeah, they're killer. just got into them a month back." Budley answers. "You know, I'm something of a musician myself. Maybe you'll hear of me on the news someday." Jim Jimenez says as he sees himself out. He walks to the back of the building and passes an ominous form of graffiti. A woman lays unmoving and above her, written on concrete in red is a message that simply says "Genocide Reigns".

My car's transmission is on the fritz, so it's in the shop and I'm working from home for at least today. Thank goodness I can even work from home, or things would be a lot more complicated. Anyways, that's just a bit of a vent. I've also decided that I might do little lore-esque prechapter bits for some extra flavor. Hope you guys enjoy them! I find them to be fun little thought experiments on how people might perceive the world I've created from within vs from my own perspective. Enjoy some crafting and some romance!
First Previous Next
We know that the spots that are caused by looking at a source of light are, in fact, damage of some sort to the eye. This is confirmed by the spots rapidly disappearing should someone be healed whilst experiencing them. But why? Is there a divinity within light, beyond what our mortal eyes can withstand? Is there some sort of invisible emanation that comes alongside the light that damages us in some way? The discovery of light damaging the eye has opened more questions for me than it has closed.
-Musings on the Relations of Light and Fire, by Jarwic Leftun
\***
Xander carefully opened the door, finding Gabrelle already asleep, and sat down on a chair. Maybe he could get that adaptive camouflage to work right on bright colors. Surely he had some colorful things in his inventory.
He did in fact have a few colorful things in his inventory, and he whiled the rest of the night away making small adjustments to the runic array that was embroidered into the cloth. He was satisfied before dawn, the cloth now performing as well with light colors as it had with darker colors. Now he just needed to make a cloak out of it. He briefly considered coating his armor with the array, but discarded it. There might be times where he’d want to be seen. Besides, a hooded cloak would better break up the outline of his figure, the ripples of fabric, especially if he were to crouch or lay prone, obscuring his outline even more. In little time at all, he had a long, deep hooded cloak of the color shifting, runed cloth in his hands. He stashed it in his inventory for now, as he had no particular need to sneak up on something right now. The rest of the time before dawn he spent silently sitting in the chair he’d chosen, trying to keep his thoughts to a minimum, just daydreaming. Night dreaming? He couldn’t sleep anymore, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to let his mind wander.
As the dawn came and the sun began to shine through the window of the room, Gabrelle slowly awoke, once more finding Xander sitting in a chair rather than in bed.
“Mmf,” She grunted as she stretched. “Morning, Xander. You got back late.”
“Morning, yourself,” Xander said, turning his head to look at Gabrelle. “Yeah... Yeah, I guess I did.”
“What were you doing, anyway?” She asked, curious. “You didn’t mention that you’d be out late, just that you were going to go to see Valteria at her shop.”
“I uh... went on a date.”
“I knew it! ‘Comparing notes’ was a date!” Gabrelle exclaimed triumphantly.
“It was not!” Xander complained. “But we went to a tavern in the evening and it sort of... turned into a date on the way there.”
“Awhh, that’s so cute,” Gabrelle said. “Did it go well? Is she nice? Did you kiss?”
“I think it went well. We talked a lot about different projects and ideas we had. I also got to meet another [Godsmarked] - he owns the tavern we went to. I think she’s nice. Maybe a little shy. I think she’s gotten used to being treated differently by people. I don’t think she really believed that I wanted to go on a date with her, at first. ...And yes. We kissed.”
“Ooooh, look at you! You’re growing up so fast!” Gabrelle teased.
“Oh hush. I’m older than you!” Xander huffed, then returned to seriousness. “But ah, if I’m going to be dating someone... we need to have a conversation, Gabrelle.”
“We need to stop sleeping together?” Gabrelle quickly deduced before Xander could say it himself.
“Yeah... It doesn’t feel right, even though it’s just platonic between us. I don’t think I would appreciate being in Valteria’s situation and knowing that the person I was seeing was sleeping with someone else at night.”
“Well, I figured this would happen eventually,” Gabrelle said. “Either you or I were bound to find someone eventually. Don’t worry, I’m not upset. Don’t get me wrong, the snuggles were nice, but like I told you a while ago, I don’t have nearly as much trouble sleeping when I’m with the team.”
“Thanks for not being upset, Gabrelle.”
“You know this means you have to start paying for your own room, though, right?”
“Ah, shit, you’re right. I forgot.”
Xander left the room to allow Gabrelle some privacy to get dressed and meandered back down the stairs to see if any other members of the team were already up. Looking around, he spied Graffus eating breakfast at at table and moved to sit with the dwarf.
“Mornin’” Graffus greeted Xander through a mouthful of bread.
“Morning,” Xander greeted back.
“Glad to see you made it back, we were wondering if you’d be out all night,” Graffus told him, after swallowing his bread.
“I was out a bit late, I suppose. I let the time get away from me.” Xander said, not really wanted to be teased again about going out on a date. “So what are you planning to do today?”
“Bah, Frazay has roped me into helping her do research for the drakeling. So reading is what’s in store for me.” Graffus tore himself off another piece of bread from his plate and slathered it with jam. “You going to be going back to that [Tinker] you’ve been spending time with lately?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. I’m supposed to learn more about converting mana types today, and also help her fix the suit of armor that I wrecked.”
“Welp,” Graffus said, now on his last piece of bread, “I hope ya learn something new. Never had much to do with [Tinker]s – not saying I dislike them, just that I haven’t had much experience with them – so it don’t make much sense to me. Using a hammer is about the only overlap in our professions.”
“I think your hammer is significantly larger than the one most [Tinker]s would use,” Xander chuckled. Thinking about what he should be doing before he headed to Valteria’s, he asked Graffus, “Hey, I might need to buy some monster parts or elemental cores, something like that, for practice. You know where I would go to find stuff like that?”
Graffus shrugged. “Dunno. My guess would be an alchemy and reagents shop. That’s generally what we’ve sold monster parts to that didn’t go to a smith or leatherworker.”
“Thanks, Graffus.”
The two of them chatted for a while longer, catching up on what each other had been doing. Graffus excused himself to finish getting ready for the day, saying he needed to tend to his beard, leaving Xander downstairs. Deciding to be productive and proactive, Xander stood as well and headed out of the inn to find an alchemy shop.
It wasn’t long before he found one, a familiar scene of an eclectic collection of powders, liquids, crystals, and strange organic things floating in jars inside the building. The proprietor was a dwarf, seated at a workbench. They were grinding something into a powder as Xander entered. He received a distracted greeting before the dwarf returned to his work.
Xander wandered about the shop for a few minutes, looking at the various materials throughout the shop. He identified what he thought might be an elemental core, a jagged piece of crystal looking material that seemed to have an inner flame. As for the monster parts in jars, Xander had no idea what was what. He finally felt he’d waited long enough and moved closer to the worktable that the dwarf was still sitting at, working away at the mortar and pestle.
“Excuse me,” Xander said, grabbing the shopkeep’s attention.
“Mm?” The dwarf said questioningly. “Can I help you find something?”
“I was wondering if you had any elemental cores. Something small, I just need one to practice with.”
“Aye, I’ve a few of them around the shop. You want something to practice with? So a relatively weak core, then – not all the small ones are weak. Do you need any particular type?” The dwarf stood up and stretched, moving to one of the shelves.
“Uhm no, just whatever is cost effective, I suppose.”
The alchemist rifled through the various bits and bobs on one of the shelves nearby before producing a small chip of what looked to be a semi-translucent stone. It was tinged slightly yellow with streaks of white. “This here is a chip off a lightning attuned core. Pretty weak, but it does still produce mana.”
Xander could see the dwarf’s arm hair standing up as if from static electicity as he held up the stone. “How much?” He asked.
“Twenty gold.”
Xander shrugged. Twenty gold wasn’t an issue for him anymore, and he didn’t feel like haggling. He always hated haggling. “Sure.” He fished out the coin and handed it over to the dwarf.
The dwarf handed over the stone to Xander and the pop of a static electric shock could be heard as a tiny arc passed between the two of them. The dwarf grunted and shook his hand. “Thanks for the business,” he told Xander. “Anything else you find yourself in need of?”
“Not at the moment, but thanks for asking.” Xander waved goodbye to the dwarf and pocketed the tiny elemental core. He continued down the street in the direction of Valteria’s shop, thinking about how he was going to undo the welding job he’d done on Valteria’s armor. He’d need her to guide his repair efforts.
Xander returned to the inn momentarily to grab one of his golems. He settled on Atlas for now, as it was the most basic of the humanoid forms he’d created. No extra arms or weird feet on him, no sir.
Arriving at the building that contained Valteria’s home and shop, Xander knocked before opening the door. “Morning,” he called out.
“Xander! Hello!” Valteria called out. She was at the same work bench she’d been at yesterday. Jarrett didn’t seem to be in the shop at the moment, as Xander wasn’t able to spot the man.
Commanding Atlas to follow him in and closing the door behind him, Xander started walking towards Valteria. “How’s it going?” He asked.
“Good, it’s going good,” Valteria responded as Xander brought a stool over to her workbench. “How about yourself?”
“Not bad. The upside of not sleeping is that I never struggle in the mornings now. I used to hate waking up.” Xander laughed. “I even ran an errand before I came here! Picked up this.” Xander fished around in his pocket until he found the small chip of elemental core and held it up for Valteria to see.
“Core?” She asked distractedly, staring at Atlas. She tore her eyes away and looked closely at the small crystalline stone. “Lightning attuned?”
“That’s what the [Alchemist] at the shop said,” Xander affirmed. “Said it was a very weak one, but that it did still produce mana.”
“Mmm, a good practice piece, then.”
“I thought it would be, too. Not that I know what to do with it, yet.”
“Well, how about this: I teach you to set the stone and make some conduit, and then you can help me fix my armor. All the glue has turned to dust by now, thank the gods.”
“Sounds fair enough. So, how do mana conduits work?”
“Well, the concept is simple enough. It’s a tube which conducts mana,” Valteria began to explain.
“Mmhm.” Xander nodded along.
“What you need is a setting – usually of silver, as it has good mana conductivity – which will be the first step of conduction, taking the mana from the stone. Simply wrapping the core in silver wire can work well enough, drawing in the mana that the core puts out through its surface, but for a more effecient setting, small holes are usually drilled into the core to set the wire into as well, giving more surface area to draw from.”
“So we care about the mana conductivity of the material, then? That makes sense, I just hadn’t thought about it. I actually did a little experiment with my rune work to test which fillings were the most conductive.”
“Oh really?” Valteria said, interested. “What were your results?”
“Well, gold and silver were high up there in conductivity, and probably make the most sense for someone who has to physically manipulate material without use of a skill – both for a core setting and for inlaying a rune – but I did find that sapphires and rubies were even more efficient at transferring mana than gold and silver.”
“Mmm... interesting. I’ve heard of gemstones being used in very high-grade settings, as well as various other exotic materials. I read an account of one [Mechanist] who used tubes of mercury to conduct mana, though the relative effectiveness compared to silver wasn’t mentioned.” Valteria cleared her throat. “Uhm, now, where was I? Right, basic settings. Once you have your core – or monster organ, if you’re going that route – you connect it to the conduit. Usually, this is also silver wiring. I like to braid several smaller wires together, personally. I find it to be sturdier and hold up to flexing better. From there, it needs to be tied into a device. Which is a topic for tomorrow.” Looking around the shop, Valteria seemed to identify something on one of the shelves nearby. “I have a core that you could watch me set, and then you could try setting your own, if you’d like.”
“That sounds good to me,” Xander said. “I always love to see a master as work,” he added, opting for a little flattery.
“Follow me, then.” Valteria said, standing up from her stool and waving for Xander to follow.
Xander followed Valteria as she walked over to the shelf she’d been looking at earlier and took a palm sized, bright green stone from it. “Nature attuned core,” She explained, holding it for Xander to see. “I’m told it was taken from some kind of moving tree.” Valteria then moved to another worktable, on which were several of what looked to be drill bits to Xander. There was also an apparatus that look like it was designed to hold the bits, which was confirmed for him when Valteria slotted one of the small drill heads into the device. “This thing,” Valteria said, waving the drill a little bit, “is a life saver. I used to have to drill holes with a hand cranked one. Worth every single coin I paid for it to get an enchanted one.” She turned a dial on one side of the handheld device, which Xander was coming to think of as a magic dremel tool, and it began to come to life, the drill bit beginning to spin with a quiet whirring sound.
“Neat.” Xander commented. He watched patiently as Valteria drilled a series of shallow holes in the stone, the distinct screeching of metal on stone echoing through the shop floor. “So where’s Jarrett today?” He asked.
“Oh, he has the day off today. He asked for it about a week ago, not sure what for, though,” Valteria said distractedly. Soon she was finished with the holes she was drilling into the core, and moved to another workbench. “Now we create a setting for the core. This is a fairly simple way of doing it, mind you, but it is effective.”
Xander watched as she took sections of pre-braided silver wire and fitted the ends into the holes she had drilled. Once each hole was filled with a section of wire, Valteria began to pull wire from a spool, wrapping the stone until it was completely covered with silver wire and binding the braided sections to the stone in the process. “There,” she said, setting the stone down on the workbench. “A perfectly serviceable setting."
“So, if I understand correctly, you coat the core in a mana conductive material – the more surface area, the better, hence the holes – to create a setting?”
“Mmhmm,” Valteria said, nodding.
“Seems fairly straighforward. And then you connect the silver wiring that’s wrapped around it to more wiring, and attach that to your device? Why the distance? Why not just connect the setting directly to the device?”
“You absolutely can, if space isn’t an issue. Technically, the connection between the mana battery and the device, even if it’s just a single point with no distance, is still referred to as a conduit, though, so it’s considered a three part creation.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Do you want to try making your own, now? I don’t mind lending you a little wire.”
“Sure, but I should be good on material, I can produce it with my skills. Doesn’t last without a source of mana, but I guess the core itself might provide enough. Think this little chip is a bit small to put holes in, though.”
Xander looked at the small piece of crystal in his hand. If he just need as much contact as possible with a mana conductive material, his best bet would be to embed it into a sapphire or ruby. He decided on ruby, for no particular reason. Still holding the chip of core in his hand, he concentrated on his [Creation] ability. Valteria watched, amazed, as a ruby began to take form and grow around the piece of core until it was completely coated in a thin layer of gemstone.
“So, you can just... make things?” Valteria asked, sounding jealous.
“Well, it costs mana, and anything I make that isn’t provided a source of mana that leaves my person disintegrates in a day, but, yes. I can just make things with my skills. But,” he added, cutting off Valteria’s complaint of unfairness, “I have never received a skill that actually lets me improve a material. Sure, I have runes, which generally makes up the difference, but I don’t have any skills that improve the things I make. So, if you made a mana battery, and I made a mana battery the same way with identical materials, yours is going to be better, I assume, because you have skills that passively improve the things that you make, am I right?”
“Okayyy,” Valteria huffed. “I guess that does make it a little less unfair. But ugh! It would be so nice not having to source materials.” She looked at the ruby with a piece of core set inside it that Xander had made. “Well, I guess that about does it for making a setting... I thought it might have taken you longer to make one. I guess we can move on to fixing my armor even sooner! It’ll be nice to have it up and moving again.”
“Sure, sure, we can do that. Where is it, anyway?” Xander asked, looking around the shop again like he somehow would have missed the eight foot tall suit of armor.
“It’s in a shed behind the house,” Valteria explained. “I have it on a hoist so I can work on it.”
“Ah, that would explain why I haven’t seen it around.”
Exiting the shop, stopping for Valteria to put a small ‘closed’ sign on the door, the two of them made their way around the building, where Xander saw the small shed that presumably held Valteria’s armor. It looked like it could just barely hold the armor and one person – two, if they were comfortable with each other – inside it.
“So this is where the magic happens?” Xander asked.
“If by ‘magic’ you mean maintenance and upgrades, then yes,” Valteria agreed. She opened the door of the shed, which comprised most of the front of the tiny little building, revealing her suit of armor, which was currently hanging from several chains attached to pulleys on the ceiling. Plates of armor were laying strewn about the suite, leaving the joints and inner workings more exposed.
Xander whistled, looking at the inner workings of the suit. He could see gears, cogs, and joints, and throughout the entirety of the armor were running filaments of silver wire, which he assumed were mana conduits running to and from elemental cores and the various mana powered aspects of the suit. “This thing really is impressive. Almost as impressive as the woman who made it,” he said.
Valteria giggled, “Stop it! You’re supposed to be fixing this mess, not flirting with me!”
“Awh, can’t I do both?” Xander asked, trying to sound as saccharine as possible.
“Mmm, I suppose that if you are sufficiently skilled at multitasking, I might allow it,” Valteria said in a mockingly thoughtful tone.
“Well, I just so happen to be an expert, so flirt away I shall,” Xander replied. “Now, how about the beauty in front of me shows me exactly where the other beauty in front of me needs some repairs?”
Valteria sighed at Xander’s antics, but he could see the slight flush in her face. “Well, you welded the wrist joints, elbows, and knees. They aren’t welded all the way round, it’s more like you smoothed over a portion of it like it was wet clay. So if you could just... put it back? Shape it back to how it was, that’s should be all that’s needed.”
“Pretty straightforward,” Xander said, standing behind Valteria as she pointed out each joint. He could see the misshapen parts where he’d slapped a weld onto the metal. He leaned over her and put his hands on the elbow joint that they were closest to and began to shape the metal back to its original form.
“You’re... very close,” Valteria murmured to him as he formed the metal.
“Would you like me not to be?” He asked, carefully.
Valteria was silent for a moment before answering, “No...” quietly.
Xander carefully shifted to be a little closer, but still not quite touching, as he moved on to the wrist joint of the same arm. The process itself was simple, but he was enjoying taking his time. As he finished the wrist, he turned to look at Valteria. He found himself looking right into her eyes, as she was staring back at him. Unable to resist the temptation he leaned in a little closer, gauging Valteria’s reaction. When she, too, leaned towards him, he closed the small gap between them, drawing her into another kiss. Valteria pressed herself against him, the shed hiding them from any prying eyes on the street, and let out a small noise as Xander squeezed her tight. She was breathing a little bit harder than before the kiss as they separated again.
Valteria let out a breath. “You’re… a really good kisser.”
“Yeah?” Xander said, pleased with himself. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“And you’re a tease, looming over me like that in this tiny little shed,” Valteria continued. “Now you’ve got me all flustered, how am I supposed to work now?” She mock complained.
Xander was glad to see that Valteria was comfortable enough with him to joke like that. “Forgive me,” he said formally, making a deep bow, “How ever can I make it up to the lady?”
“Oh stop it, I will tolerate no bowing and scraping, even in jest,” Valteria said, slapping him lightly on the shoulder, as he was still holding the bow. “You can make it up to me by fixing the rest of these joints! And by taking me out to dinner?” She added, hopefully.
“I think that can be arranged,” Xander said. “Is there anywhere you have in mind? I will admit, I haven’t become very familiar with the local restaurant scene, what with my… dietary restrictions.”
“It doesn’t… make you feel bad to go out to a restaurant, does it?” Valteria asked softly, watching his face for a reaction.
“Nah, don’t worry,” Xander said, waving off the question with one hand. “It doesn’t bother me too much. Sure, I miss the taste of a good cut of steak, but I was never that into food. Eating was more of a thing I did because I had to, so I’m not completely devastated by the loss. And I can still get some vicarious enjoyment out of watching someone else enjoy their food. Really the worst part is awkwardly having to refuse ordering anything,” he said with a laugh.
“Alright, if you say so,” Valteria said, letting out a slight breath of relief. “I was just worried that it might be upsetting to you, is all. I know I would miss eating.” She paused for a moment, something clearly on her mind. “What do you miss? If you don’t mind my asking. I just… well, I’m curious what it’s like for you.”
“Mmm, in a lot of ways, life is still the same, and in other ways, I’m technically doing better than I was before. I’m incredibly resistant to damage now, even without my armor. I do miss sleeping, though. I try to give my mind a rest and just sort of daydream and let my thoughts wander or do some meditation during the nights, but it’s just not the same. Also means I’m the one that pulls guard duty through the night,” he grumbled. “Let’s see, what else, what else. Ah, right. I can’t smell anything. Or taste. I haven’t worked out how to recreate those senses, yet. Though no sense of smell can be handy sometimes, I suppose. I don’t know if you’ve done much merc work – you mentioned being surprised that I’m not just moonlighting – but uh… the smells that you encounter on a battlefield are… unpleasant. To say the least. It was weird not having a sense of touch either, but I’ve resolved that. It’s a little bit different than my previous, natural sense of touch, but I’ve become accustomed to it to the point that I don’t much think about the difference anymore. I think I’ve even got the density of receptors down in certain areas compared to others, so I'm more sensitive in some areas than others now, just like I used to be. I’m still immune to being tickled though, so don’t even think about it – that’s a fight you’ll lose.” Growing a bit more somber, Xander continued on. “I think… the biggest thing I miss is just the feeling that I fit in more. Now I always worry about being different, there’s that nagging fear that anyone I get to know well is going to reject me once they find out what I am. Like I’m secretly lying to everyone around me with this façade I have going on.”
Valteria nodded sadly. “I get that. I’ve been… rejected before, too. At least it happens or not right from the beginning for me. I get to know if they look down on me for being different immediately instead of fearing they might later down the road.”
“Yeah,” Xander said. “People can really suck sometimes. But at least I can just, like, not tell people what I am if I so chose. You, my teammates, and the guild, since it’s on my status sheet, are really the only people who know. I keep it pretty private. You can’t do that, so I think you probably have to deal with a lot worse than I do. Not that I’d want you to hide what or who you are,” he added. “I happen to be quite enamored with who you are,” he said, teasing a smile from Valteria’s sad face.
“Sorry to bring up such a dour topic,” Valteria apologized. “I didn’t think much on it before I asked.”
“No worries,” Xander told her. “Honestly, I think it’s good to be able to talk about it with someone. It’s healthy to be able to get you feelings out there. And it helps that I feel like you understand where I’m coming from with it, though from a slightly different perspective.”
“You’re surprisingly thoughtful sometimes,” Valteria said, only half teasing.
“Only sometimes?” Xander asked with a faux expression of hurt on his face. “By the way, you didn’t react much to my comment about moonlighting as a merc. Do you ever go on contracts?”
Valteria shrugged. “I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as a professional mercenary. Moonlighter is an apt descriptor, for me, I think. I have gone on a couple, here and there, mostly on kill contracts that would net me a core or organ that would be useful for my work.”
“Mm, that makes sense. I suppose it could be handy having access to the ability to take contracts that would give you access to specialty materials,” Xander said.
“It’s also good for business,” Valteria explained. “Mercs tend to like to buy from someone who has at least been out on a contract or two before.”
“Ah, that makes sense. What kind of things do you sell to mercenaries, anyways? I saw Jarrett with a crossbow yesterday, but I imagine you make other things, too.”
“Oh all kinds of little things. Portable, flameless heaters for cooking. Water purification sieves. Mm, let’s see… I’ve made a few custom order devices, too. One customer wanted to be able to shoot a jet of flame from their gauntlet, that was a fun one.”
“Ooh, that does sound fun… reminds me of my flamethrower.”
“Your flamethrower?”
“Yeah, it’s basically a big tank with a hose attached to it. At the end of the hose is a pump that causes the flammable liquid – I use dragon’s tar – to shoot out. Add a flame that the tar passes over and bam! You’ve got a giant stream of flame that will coat anything it hits with sticky, flammable tar,” Xander said, excitedly describing the device.
“That’s… impressive. And kind of horrifying,” Valteria responded.
“Mm… I guess you’re right. I mostly use it on giant spiders. Blugh,” Xander shuddered. “But yeah, I suppose it’s not the nicest of ways to go. Very effective for area denial, though. Ah, actually I have an idea for crossbow bolt head that would ignite when it shatters! We should make that sometime and see if it sells.”
“Hmm, I think that would draw some buyers. A flaming bolt head you didn’t have to light first could be desirable to certain buyers.”
“Put that on the list and we’ll get around to it sometime.”
“We have a list?” Valteria said confusedly.
“We should!” Xander said with a laugh. “Now let’s get the rest of these joints done.”
The repair of the other arm and the leg joints that Xander had locked into position during the tournament was a short affair. Looking over the bare metal frame of the armor still hanging from the ceiling, Xander clapped his hands together, mimicking dusting them off. “Good as new!” He exclaimed. Looking over to Valteria he asked concernedly, “It is good as new, right?”
Valteria had been staring at the armor as well, lost in thought about how she was going to improve it next. “Hmm? Oh, yes. It’s right as rain again, ready for use. Thank you, by the way. For fixing it,” She said awkwardly.
“Well I’m the one who broke it, so it’s only fair that I fix it. So what do you want to work on next?” Xander asked. “I could do some rune work for you. Orrr… we could kiss some more?”
Valteria flushed at the question, but didn’t immediately say no.
A few minutes later, she found herself on her tip toes and lightly pressed against the interior wall of the shed, her lips pressed against Xanders.
Once the two of them were done acting like teenagers parked in a secluded parking lot, they made their way back into the shop. Stepping inside and closing the door behind them, Valteria let out a breath. “I think… you are going to have to do a lot of rune work to make up for how much you just kissed me, Xander.”
“What, you didn’t like it?” He said with a raised eyebrow.
“I didn’t say that,” Valteria said with a smirk.

Hi! I had a gig where I used my friend's laptop. We're both running the same version of Serato. I figured it would be easy peasy to export a few crates and have them show up as such on his laptop. NOPE. It was a nightmare. Lesson learned, although I have no idea how to fix this for the future.
Note on my library: like most people, it's kind of a mess. I make a crate for every gig, I have crates for genres, I have crates for vibes, and I keep track of every gig playlist (I drag 'history' into a new crate and drop it into the gig folder as an historical archive). This means it is not uncommon for one track to be in dozens of crates across the whole library. This is important for the next step.
Here's what I want: I drag "Party Jams" crate to my USB drive. This crate has sub-crates, like "90s hip-hop" and "2000s clubby". The order is important because I like to design mini sets that flow together. I want this to show up in the same structure on the host laptop ("Party Jams" crate should just show up and be ready to rock)
Here's what we got: "Party Jams" came through, along with the sub-crates. However, what ALSO came along is every single other crate that those songs are also in. So I got another 20 crates, such as my 'genre' crates, and every single crate from past gigs that I used that track in (I keep a tracklist in a crate for every gig), repeated for EVERY track in the "Party Jams" crate.
As if this wasn't bad enough, for every single crate it seemed to create a DUPLICATE, rather than just a reference to the original track. THEN (this is where it gets bad), in the "Party Jams" crate, there's ANOTHER duplicate for EVERY single entry in the other crates. In other words, if I have a track that lives in 15 crates on my laptop, it showed up 15 times in the "Party Jams" crate, in addition to the 15 random crates that came along with it. Repeat this 500x for every track in my party jams crate. 'Whitney Houston - I Want To Dance With Somebody' must have been duplicated 30 times.
Some of these duplicates were even broken/missing. The locations were all over the place, sometimes listed in a sub-crate, sometimes listed in the host crate... so there wasn't even a pattern that I could use to clean it up.
On top of that, some duplicates were in the wrong sub-crate! I had extra tracks smashed into the middle of my setlist, on top of all the extras.
In addition to the absolute nightmare of organization, not to mention blowing up the host library with dozens of extra crates that no one asked for, my friend has an AI lighting system that pre-analyzes the tracks. Instead of taking 20 minutes it took almost 2 hours due to all the duplicates. I didn't even bring the rest of my archive, I had to cut down to JUST "Party Jams" even though I was banking on having at least a half dozen other crates for backup.
So what are we doing wrong? We did this 4-5 times, each time it did the same thing. Serato even crashed if I tried to drag a crate with two sub-crate levels (thinking I could just drag all 6 of my desired crates into a single "USB DRIVE" crate, but that created 3 levels deep which totally crashed Serato with no warning). All I want to be able to do is drag a few crates to the USB drive, and have them show up as-is on the other laptop. Is that ... just not possible? I have more gigs this summer where I won't be using my laptop, and at this point I just don't trust the export feature at all.

Preface: This is all my opinion. I came into the game during Chapter 3 Season 1. It wasn't the beginning of the season, but I was able to complete the season pass since I decided I wanted skins from it. I am not an "OG" player but I've definitely seen a lot of variety in the UI and gameplay, so here goes my thoughts.
The UI: I know, I know many people are mixed here. Some people say it doesn't affect gameplay, which is true. It does affect navigation, severely though.
What I would rather see is a splash page. When the game loads, let me see options for the main game modes: Battle Royale, Festival, Lego, Creative, Rocket Racing, Save The World.
If I want to play any of these modes, I shouldn't have to navigate that messy screen that you scroll through. Even putting stuff as favorites doesn't mean it's still easy to get to.
Under each splash page, what you see for a menu is much cleaner. Each sub menu could then have nice clean options once you're in to whichever mode you may want to primarily play.
For example: Under creative it could then have something similar to the search suggestions based on game type. Festival lets you keep the simple choice between Main Stage and Jam Stage. Lego could let you choose worlds you are a part of as well as Lego creative maps. Something like this could go for all the main modes while cleaning up the overall look of the UI.
This also keeps it clean for if/when they add other options under any of these sub modes.
The Locker: This is easily one of the worst changes I've seen made in any game from what it was prior.
Here is what I would like to see.
I would like to see pages. I want to be able to theme out and name a series of saved presets. That way, if I decide to shuffle skins/presets. The presets are based on whatever theme I make. I can theme based on a BP, style of skins such as streetwear skins or medieval skins, holiday, IP, or any other combination I may choose within a page.
Under that, I want what we had back, but with everything matching in a preset.
This is ALL cosmetics. I think just for ease of organizing all items need to be able to be in matching presets.
What would be great on top of this is to be able to copy something to every other preset on a page. For example, if you use the same back bling on all your characters, you don't care about your car, or the instruments. You can just make it so once you copy to the rest of the presets on a page, you don't have to worry about setting that part up as you do the rest of your presets.
I don't know about you, but the current way the locker is set up is also the single biggest reason I have been spending FAR, FAR less in the game.
I used to top up my account with the 13,500 V-Bucks at the start of each season. I haven't done that since Fortnite OG before this chapter started.
Item Shop: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I miss the old shop. I'd see Marvel take over the shop than whatever this shop currently is. I also HATE the fact the item shops reorganizes itself WHILE you are in the shop and looking at things.
Either bring back the old shop style or give the item shop a truly clean and organized look.
Item costs are all over the place and need to be fixed. This also goes for song costs. To me what is pretty much $5 a song is too much. Especially when once upon a time you could buy Guitar Hero or Rock Band and get a whole library of songs to play for one game cost. I'm not saying songs have to be only $1 each, but $5 is too much. I know I'd be buying songs at like $3 each and I'd consider the value better.
Skin styles: New skins are either feeling really weird in style or super, super boring. Now I understand this is purely subjective.
Take this Greek BP for example though. These Greek Gods don't even feel like they are demi-gods. Artemis could have looked so much better if all her styles didn't look like they were already some form of super style. Also, what's with all the camo on Zeus?
Dagobah Luke didn't look anything like Luke and they already had the face model in the game.
Purchase Gymnastics: What I mean with this is when you make either the purchase for the BP or general cosmetics that then require you to do special quests to get all the items. To me, it's worse when you buy specific cosmetics than it is for BP related items, but it's still annoying to have to do certain things just to get those items unlocked.
Quests: With this, most of my quest experience is within BR and only some in other modes like Lego and Rocket Racing. My thoughts here are focused on BR based quests.
Story quests need to come back to telling a story that you don't have to go searching for to put together. This is one of the biggest things I miss from Chapter 3, was how the story quests went.
Special quests like ones related to Star Wars, Avatar, or anything special need to be more in line with doing things related to it. Maybe this means less quests for special items, but then that's less quests for those special items. For example with air bending quests, one of them was just traveling distance. It didn't matter if you were using air bending or not.
Quests should also be a bit more streamlined with less quests and giving you more. The reason for this is if someone even plays just one other game mode, currently you have to play A LOT of both game modes if you want the items from doing quests.
XP And Leveling: There was a post, I believe yesterday about how you shouldn't have to play other modes in order to get to level 200. While this is something I've just been doing the time I've been playing, I agree with the person who made the post talking about this.
Now I'm not saying you should just be given levels. But I do think if you only play 30 minutes a day or a couple hours a day every few days, you should be able to get to level 200 without having to rely on either buying levels or playing a bunch of other modes/stuff to get there.
This should go with whatever mode you play as your primary mode. Even if the BP doesn't make sense for Rocket Racing. If I play mostly Rocket Racing in a season, I should get that XP for the BP and all the cosmetics within it.
Gameplay: Now, I do understand this is the BR sub. So, I will only go lightly on my thoughts on other modes and focus on BR here.
Lego: I played a fair amount when it first came out, but wow was this not ready to go. It's such a grind, there's no easy way across the map. I haven't played with vehicles, but I've heard they don't always work properly. They should somehow introduce fast travel, even if you have to build your own fast travel points. It didn't have enough to hold interest for me, it was too big of a map, too heavy of a grind, and too many other obscure issues in the game.
Rocket Racing: I don't hate this mode, but I also don't not hate this mode. I had a blast when it first came out. I hate the time trial courses though. I get the idea of it, but at the end of the day it just is boring in the long haul and I don't care enough about the cosmetics to do all the quests.
Festival - Jam Stage: No, just no. At least for me, just no. Also, bring back being able to just AFK for points in this mode. You can't tell me the majority of people in there are actually enjoying that mode?
Festival - Main Stage: I'll admit, I actually do really enjoy this mode. I don't have a lot of issues with it other than costs of songs, and also instruments.
BR: I primarily play Zero Build, for what that's worth to you on my following thoughts.
To me, this entire chapter has felt boring and nothing like how Fortnite felt for Chapters 3, 4, and OG. Now, I admit I felt that Chapter 4 could be overwhelming at times and I wasn't the biggest fan of the jungle. However, give me back that chaos and jungle over whatever this is.
The mod benches need to go, it honestly makes all the weapons so boring. Insanely boring. The gameplay feels flat to me, I think because of mod benches and modded weapons
Bring back hitscan weapons and true weapon variety.
Also give us at least a season without snipers. Even FaZe Replays misses old snipers. FaZe Replays the crazy sniper, doesn't even like the current sniper guns.
I think to most players who have been playing since before this, the map is pretty but also boring at the same time. It doesn't look like Fortnite maps have in the past.
Where are augments? I do feel like the augments were a big part of why Chapter 4 allowed for so many different types of gameplay, and you never knew what you may run into.
Pub BR right now doesn't feel anything like Fortnite. I get it, Epic did heavy layoffs and then did this meta thing. So now BR is hurting. It needs more focus, it needs to not be so boring. Don't turn Fortnite BR into PUBG or other games that are now just about dead.
It's not too late to fix pub BR, but they do need to truly focus on it.
Bring back the old art style, make the map more fun with legitimately fun POI's.
Ranked: Now, I play some ranked but not a lot. In my book though, it's such a broken game mode. Arenas used to actually play more like a comp practice. Ranked does not. Also, the ranking itself needs to be fixed.
I'm sorry but people like Bush Camp Dad should not be able to camp their way to Unreal, or even Champion for that matter.
Ranked needs some major balance changes.
It also needs to play more like Arenas did. If a comp isn't going to have vehicles or mythic weapons, then neither should ranked. Otherwise comps need to match what you have in pubs...which I do disagree with.
I do believe that Ranked and Comps/Cups need to be more of a "core" style gameplay.
The Storm: I believe we need a dynamic storm. The storm should be able to see how many people are left in a game and where they are. If it's down to 15 people just camping their way through and there is still half the map left, then the storm should increase it's damage and shrink down significantly to force gameplay.
I'm not saying they need to make the storm as fast as it was in the beginning of Chapter 5 Season 1, but it needs to be more of a threat than it currently is where it's 1 dps for way too long.
Which is why I believe a dynamic storm is the answer. The storm can change how much it shrinks and the damage it'll do based on player count and how spread out the players are.
Conclusion: For me, both seasons 1 and 2 of this chapter have not been it. I used to play just about every night either trios or squads. I think we're all just feeling bored and letdown with the current state of gameplay.
This was, for a long time one of my favorite games to play and even if I didn't want to play BR, I was at least going and seeing what kind of create maps I could find, especially Death Runs to do.
I'm now only playing a few times a week, mostly just to knock quests out to make sure I get things.
I'm not playing other creative maps as much anymore, I am off and playing other games.

This will be a longer story, but I feel like sharing it because of how much this band has resonated with me lately.
So I attended high school between 2010 and 2014 and I distinctly remembered chatting with a metalhead friend over Facebook messenger about recent metal bands I should check out.
Up to that point, most of the metal I’ve listened to have been classic metal like Black Sabbath and thrash metal like Metallica and Megadeth. The only other metal band I’ve throughly enjoyed during that time was Tool.
I’m generally not a fan of metal bands with a lot of dirty vocals, but I wanted to be open minded and expand my musical palette.
The friend in question recommended me Strawberry Swisher, Part 2 and was immediately impressed. We chatted about them for a bit and I listened to DBM and pretty much stuck with that album for a while since I really enjoyed the intricate instrumentation and the dynamics between the dirty and clean vocals.
After high school though, I pretty much went on my own in terms of finding music and listened to nothing but Rock music - and all of the sub genres within - as well as jazz, hip-hop, folk and indie music. I occasionally dipped my toes back into Metal, mostly Tool and the other metal bands I’ve mentioned, and slowly got into other heavier bands like At The Drive-In, Lighting Bolt, Death Grips, and Atari Teenage Riot (all of whom I still love.)
Two years ago, I got heavily (and still am) into jam bands and have been obsessed with them to this day. But at a certain point, I wanted to take a break from the feel good, funky vibes and wanted to get back into metal; however, I didn’t want to go back to the usual bands I’ve listened to in the past and wanted to find something new.
Then this year, I started supporting this webcartoon called “Ratbasterdz,” (a show I strongly recommended to everyone here), on Patreon which has a metalcore heavy soundtrack that clicked with me even though I’m not the biggest fan of that sub-genre.
Since I was supporting the show on Patreon, I have access to their discord server and started chatting with them about different music. I eventually asked for recommendations of “progressive metalcore” groups as I really champion heavier bands that have strong musicianship.
Three of the recommendations were From Autumn to Ashes, Between the Buried and Me, and (finally) Dance Gavin Dance. I let out a big “oh shit!” when I saw that name as I’ve completely forgotten about them for so long and, somehow, never bothered to re-listen to them.
Listening to DBD and Happiness again filled me with not just nostalgia, but a newfound appreciation of the band and I couldn’t help but feel like an idiot for not giving them another chance and missing out on seeing them live during the 2000’s and 2010’s.
While I haven’t listened to all of their albums, I’m slowly making my way through them and can’t help but love their sound, their songwriting, and their passionate performances.
Welp…that’s my boring story. In a nutshell DGD rules and I’m glad I dove back into them.
Thanks for reading!

As I brake, my front wheel (rim brake) catches once per rotation which causes lurching and jittery braking.
I did some troubleshooting and found out that near the seam, the rim gets slightly wider. The joint is smooth and flush, but the width of the braking track is wider at this point causing it to ‘jam’ in the rim brake which makes the whole bike shake while braking.
Has anyone experienced this? How does this happen? Any potential solutions?
So far all I can think of is sanding down the rim, but I’m worried to remove considerable material near this seam.
I’m thinking that this may have been caused over time by the rim wearing down faster away from the seam (not sure why the seam would be stronger, welded?). In this case I’m leaning towards replacing the rim instead of further thinning out an old rim.
Thanks in advance for the advice!

I'm a big fan of R6S and put a ton of hours into this game. I've compiled a list of the desired features I would truly like the devs to implement into R6S.
In my opinion, many more features can still be added to make this game even better, as you'll see below, that can help Ubisoft not only gain more financially to ensure the shelf life of this game and to show our support (aside from whats already there aka battle passes and cosmetics).
So without further ado:
'Voice Guy' Alternatives So you know the voice of the guy that says things between rounds like "Down to ten seconds." "We failed to disable the defuser..." I think it'd be pretty cool if we could purchase different voices. Just imagine if the voice was replaced by Morgan Freeman or Jack Black. You might be saying 'the rights and costs to get a celebrity's voice might be too high. Well, to that I'll say, A) Look at many of the outfits already available for purchase in the R6S store from different franchise IPs. Halo, Street Fighter, Resident Evil, Dead By Daylight, Rick and Morty, Yakuza, etc. B) Ubisoft can just get some of their devs to voice-record them as they already do for some/many operators if they want to save on the rights and costs.
Circle Chat Wheel This feature would benefit console players the most who don't use microphones and you might even see a huge uptick in Deimos' usage too. Currently in R6S, pressing up on the D-Pad on consoles or a certain key on PC would ping a spot. It would be nice to hold up on the D-Pad or a certain key on PC to bring up a chat wheel and select from prewritten set of text messages. Prewritten text can be edited in settings and up to 6 max can be slotted in the wheel. For example, you can prewrite something like 'Someone is roaming the first floor' or 'They're in bombsite B'. For those who worry that trolls can abuse this, A) Only 3 max prewritten messages can be used consecutively before a cooldown timer kicks in requiring players to wait to use it again. B) You can just text mute them. (ps. even though this feature might not benefit PC players as much, it should be there for both console and PC players who prefer it over typing during a tense game for example)
Universal Outfits Currently, I feel as though Ubisoft is losing potential money from a lot of the outfit bundles available in the R6S store. For instance, I love the Master Chief elite bundle, but do I really want to buy it and be forced to use Sledge everytime I want to show it off? No. Going forward, I'd like to see more universal bundle outfits that can be used by any operator the player wants to assign it to (or all if they desire).
Flashlights! More on this later, but allow select operators to be able to add a flashlight as an attachment to weapons that serve one of two purposes (or both). A) Another alternative to blind enemies instead of flashbangs or B) (Again, more on this later, I promise!).
Attackers Spawn Points Freedom Currently, attackers can only choose 2-4 designated spawn points during the operator selection phase and drone phase. Instead, It'd be nice if attackers could choose any spot on the edge of the maps (that allows it) to spawn. This would give attackers more of an advantage from defenders who know the map really well and like to spawn peek the most popular spawn points. It'll add another layer of competitiveness.
Good Standing Immunity I think most people will hate this one, but in my opinion, when you have a good reputation (players with the little fire indicator), they should be immune from mundane reports like 'Report Griefing' to prevent trolls from reporting just because 'they can'. Right now in R6S, someone can just report a player with a good rep for some idiotic reason like the player didn't avenge their death or plays how they want them to. The only way how someone with a good rep can be removed from immunity is if they TK a certain amount of times. No offense to the devs, but you have to put yourselves in the shoes of trolls and not allow them to abuse things like this.
A new operator named Blackout This would require the devs to make every map daytime, no night maps (like Favela or it would need to be adjusted into daytime maps). This attacking operator can turn off the lights entirely in all rooms and corridors, meaning it would be pitch black for everyone if Blackout uses his ability to jam the lights. This ability would last for 15 seconds and can be used twice, and when initiated by Blackout, the lights will start flickering for 5 seconds to allow defenders time to anticipate their strategy. All the other four attacking teammates would be automatically equipped with night vision goggles after the droning phase if Blackout is chosen and they can turn them on/off whenever they please during that round. The only way to see again during Blackout's ability is in use is if, A) Your operator is equipped with a flashlight attachment. B) Defenders break barricaded windows or doors to allow outdoor lighting in. C) You've chosen one of the following defenders: Mute/Bandit/Kaid any lights close to their devices will not be turned off. Solis will be able to see where Blackout is during the blackout when her electro sensor is enabled. Pulse can detect where Blackout or any opponents are if they're close enough. Goyo/Tachanka's fire can add slight visibility to the area. Valkyrie/Maestro's cameras. Defenders can also throw a C4 or Impact grenade at a window to instantly blind the attackers when they have their night vision goggles on. This would add a whole new dynamic to Siege and would make the game feel more tactical.

Spring is winding down, summer's on it's way; would love to get a little cash to fund the summer fun (and the next parts order). Still, trades are always on the table. Don't be shy with the cheapies.
TLDR
I got:

• A bunch of unique handmade stuff, including fuzzes, drives, and filters.
• Some 9V/12V practice amps I made from old speakers.
• A handful of cheapies
• A digitech Multi-FX
• Some bulky items for local trade in the Nashville, TN area.

I want:

• Just about anything related to musical instruments and music making: Effects, instruments, gizmos, recording stuff, etc.
• Or lots of other things not remotely related to music. Try me.
• Or money
• I mean, basically, if you want a pedal, especially a handmade one, and are willing to send me something of reasonable value for it, you have a good shot at getting it.

DIY STUFF
(If you are NOT into handmade stuff, scroll down because I have some other items at the end.)
This is hand-built stuff that I made, mostly relatively unique or heavily tweaked designs built on vero or point to point. Many are housed in upcycled tins, a few in Hammond boxes. They all run on standard 9v pedal power. These aren't clones for the most part, unless they are; but normally I actually monkey about with the circuits quite a bit or just test out wacky ideas. If you want something nobody else has, you're in the right place…
I have the handmades valued in 4 tiers:

• D tier are my trashy cheapies, made from reclaimed components. I don't feel right asking a lot for reclaimed components. I value them in the $40 - $50 range, not really picky about what I trade for. I might even take dirt pedals for these. Only got one left, trying to phase out this tier.
• C tier are the cheapies made with new components. I value these in the $50 - $60 range, not very picky here either.
• B tier are my average builds, I will trade for pedals in the $65-$90 value range, depending on the complexity of the build. A little pickier, but still pretty open.
• A tier are my happy happy builds, usually more complex or just nicer quality. I will be picky about trades for these. (But still not Boutique prices; I have no delusions). It's probably less about value here and more about how much I actually want the thing you have. Think in the $90 - $130 range.

MOBILE USERS: There are 4 columns in the tables below: Name, Tier, Links, and Notes. If you don't see all 4, scroll over or ask for more info.
Fuzzes

Name	Tier	Links	Notes
Bazz Me Fuss You #1	A	PIC DEMO	A bazz-fussified perversion of the Escobedo push-me-pull-you, featuring controls for octave and volume. This is the first unit I've built using my own custom PCB. Housed in a painted 125B with top jacks.
Space Fuzz	B+	PIC DEMO	This is a Hollis crash sync fuzz that I souped up with an LFO to modulate the filtesync frequency. Really wild flangery/phasey type gated fuzz sound. At the right settings you can get some octave-down effects as well. Housed in a ~3.5 inch square game tin reinforced with recycled plastic. Pretty pleased with this build.
SwirlFuzz	B+	PIC DEMO	Modulated octave fuzz prototype. It's an octave fuzz, but you can switch on an LFO to modulate the octave amount. Controls for Rate, Depth, Gain, and Volume, plus switches for waveshape and mode (Normal/Octave/Modulated). In a circular tin reinforced with recycled plastic.
Baller Fuzz	B	PIC DEMO	Another Bazz-Me-Fuss-You build with an added BMP-style tone control. In a slightly beaten-up heart-shaped basketball tin. Y'all ready for this?
Big Green Fuzz for Attractive Bass Players	B	PIC Demo	Like my bazz-me-fuss-you circuit, but with a big muff tone stack, a clean blend, and optional clippers for more compression. Housed in a big round tin reinforced with recycled plastic and designed specifically for attractive bass players. Unattractive ones may not really gel with this.
Creature from the planet Chyowngg	B	PIC Demo	Prototype of a unique fuzz I've been developing that I call the Chyowngg fuzz. It's a 2-stage octaver that gives a bright synthy tone with a distinctive envelope (hence the name). You can toggle each stage from octave to non-octave mode for a variety of interesting timbres. Also has a tone control, but the tone control is before the octave stages so it results in interesting behaviors depending on the switch settings. It's in a tin meant to be painted like an alien, though some say it looks more like a triceratops.
Dumbo's Bazzrite Fussrite	C	PIC Demo	A bazz-fussified mosrite fuzzrite circuit I cobbled together in point-to-point wiring style. Housed in a little Dumbo puzzle tin with GLITTER! Controls are for balance (kind of tone-cum-gain) and volume.
Wiff Spwinkles on Top	C	PIC Demo	This point-to-point fuzz lives in the same neighborhood as the Harmonic Percolator, but has a few differences. I altered the way the gain knob works, and added a switch to toggle bass cut. It's housed in an ice-creamity welly tin.

Drives, Distortions, and Boosts

Name	Tier	Links	Notes
Bronze Drive	A	PIC Demo	This is a point-to-point, transistor based overdrive I designed based loosely on the Davisson Easy Drive. Good for low-gain crunchy tones and plenty of output volume on tap if you want it for a boost. Tone circuit is like a BMP stack but with a mid hump instead of a mid cut. Housed in a painted 125B.
Copper ZenerMorph Drive	B	PIC Demo	This is an experiment in zener diode clipping. Nice crispy drive that gets beefier as you turn up the gain, lots of good edge-of-breakup tones to be had. Housed in a decorated tin reinforced with some recycled plastic.
Shining Hope Drive	B	PIC Demo	Differential mirroring drive, gives a kind of overdriven-mixer-channel distortion. Controls for gain, tone, and volume. Housed in a star-shaped Christmas tin.
B is for Beast	C	PIC DEMO	This fun little drive/boost consists of two cascading MOSFET gain stages with optional clipping in between. It goes from clean and loud to massive wall-of-gain distortion nicely. Controls for gain, clipping, and volume. In a small heart-shaped tin about 4in by 4in.
Green Sparkler Boost	D	PIC	Just an Escobedo Duende JFET boost built point-to-point in a sparkly little round tin. Gives a little gain and a bit of warmth to the tone.

Non-Dirt

Name	Tier	Links	Notes
Quack like a penguin	B+	PIC DEMO	Third build of the Chykka Wakka, a WIP all-transistor envelope filter. This one is built on vero, and features controls for Q, Range, and Attack, as well as toggles for Voicing and envelope smoothing. Housed in a smallish penguin tin reinforced with recycled plastic.
Gift of Chykka Wakka	B	PIC DEMO	First build of an all-transistor envelope filter I designed. Built point-to-point style and housed in a little giftbox tin reinforced with recycled plastic. Controls for Q and Sweep, switch toggles envelope smoothing.
Vortex of Funk	B	PIC DEMO	Second build of the Chykka-Wakka circuit, this one features attack, Q, and range controls. Built point-to-point and housed in a painted tin.
BZZZ BOOP BEEP	B	PIC DEMO	A basic square wave oscillator on a momentary switch. Can go from bzzz to boop to beep with a sweep of the big knob. Also has tone and volume controls, and a 3-way switch for different decay amounts. Use it to simulate a spring door stopper or dying cow. Or bleep your foul-mouthed frontman. Or mess with the sound guy. Or send Morse code to the bar. I dunno. Housed in a painted tin reinforced with recycled plastic.

Little Amps

Name	Price/Trades	Links	Description
Ample iMank	$65	PICS DEMO	This is a Runoffgroove Ruby Amplifier built into this old multimedia speaker enclosure designed to look like an old iMac. Glows blue when you turn it on. It runs from a standard 9v pedal power. It's not terribly loud, nor terribly clean, but if you dig the classic mac vibe it might be fun. Controls for gain and volume, and a power switch on the back.
Nosy Amp	$75	PICS DEMO	Another solid-state amp based on the Ruby amplifier, housed in a repurposed bookshelf speaker. This one actually has pretty decent volume, even on 9V (can run on 12V as well for more), and can stay clean while getting loud enough for a quiet jam with friends.
Fleur-de-Lis Amp	$90	PICS DEMO	A tiny bookshelf speaker turned into a practice amp. This one features a class D power amp for lovely cleans, and a custom designed discrete preamp that gets punchy & crunchy when cranked. Runs on 9V but pretty loud nonetheless.

Non-DIY Stuff
Make an offer. I respect Reverb Price Guide values, though I may lean high if it's a feeler.

Brand	Name	Condition	Notes
Danelectro	Fab Chorus	Excellent	Cheap plastic chorus, but sounds great. Probably just a make-weight, too cheap to trade on its own.
Caline	10-band EQ	Good	Works fine, I just don't really need 10 bands of EQ. Has velcro on the back, and sometimes makes a weird noise when you turn on the pedalboard. Another make-weight.
Ibanez	PH7	Good	Tonelok phaser. Great pedal, has some glue on the bottom I couldn't get off, but works fine.
BOSS	TU-12H	Good	Crusty vintage tuner from Boss. Still works great, but it's missing the outer case (still has the inner part). If you had one in the day and want to relive the magic, feel free to make an offer.
Digitech	RP360	Very Good	Great multifx, I've gotten some fun sounds out of it, but it isn't seeing much use. I'm just more of a discrete FX guy I guess.
MOTU	MIDI express	Good	This is an antique MIDI patchbay and interface. It's pre-USB and uses the parallel cable (PC) or some kind of Apple-specific DIN cable (Mac). Could be used standalone, or maybe you're into retro MIDI setups? Comes with box and cables anyway.
unknown builder	PedalPCB Cataclysm	Very Good	This is a really solid build of a PedalPCB cataclysm (Disaster Transport Jr clone) built by someone other than me. Pics here. Not sure what to value it, but make an offer.

Local (Nashville TN area) ONLY

Brand	Name	Condition	Notes
TEAC	A3340S 4-Track Reel-to-Reel	Good	Cleaned up, oiled up, and in good working order last time I tried it out. Meant to do some analog recording, but just haven't gotten the time or space. Would trade for a decent instrument of some kind. Might even throw in a copy of Craig Anderton's "Home Recording for Musicians", which uses the same unit.
Altec-Lansing	Power amp (9442A)	Fair	300 W, 2 rack-unit power amp, can work in stereo or bridged mode. Last time I used it one of the channels was a little flaky. Couldn't be bothered to fix it myself. Heavy as all get out, I'll sell for cheap if you're local.

What would I trade for??
I'm wide open to trades for music gear of all kinds and other items of value.
Some Priority Wants:

• A next level looper like the Pigtronix Infinity 3. Feeling limited by my current setup. Something with MIDI sync, multiple loop tracks, tempo sync.
• Boss OC-5.
• A reverb with a really good plate algorithm.
• Compact 12 channel mixer. Preferably a Mackie VLZ or similar.
• Isolated pedal power supply.
• Genuine e-Bow. Already own 2 clones, looking to try the real shebang.
• A multiple-MIDI I/O unit.
• A 1-U rack-mount mixer.
• Money.

Other things I'd likely trade for:

• Pedals, naturally:
  • Especially fancy DSP type pedals (the kind I can't build), or a nice analog flangechorus.
  • Decent analog pedals that need repair. Expect a lot of questions and not much value, though.
  • Check "probably not wants" below
• Studio gear like mics, headphones, cables, small mixers, rack gear, etc.
• Synths and midi gear, especially cheap stuff like Volcas or Reface, etc. Really need a MIDI interface with multiple I/O.
  • I kinda dig old casio/yamaha cheapies.
  • Drum machines are interesting to me.
• Musical instruments? I play about everything, or would like to try anyway.
  • I'd like to acquire a tele style guitar at some point. Even just a cheapie knockoff.
  • If you've got a not-too-expensive Ibanez fretless bass (or similar), let's talk. I'll offer things on the secret menu.
• Also Non-music things:
  • Unbuilt pedal kits, pedal enclosures, bulk lots of electronics parts, etc.
  • Electronics/DIY tools or supplies (scope, transistor tester, solder, etc)
  • Something weird and creative. Random items of modest value you want to get rid of. Handmade items that are giftable.
  • Did I mention money? I do paypal and venmo.

Probably not wants (doesn't apply to C or D-tier builds, offer anything for those):

• Dirt pedals. Might make an exception for something really intriguing, though.
• Eurorack modules, unless anyone wants to trade me a whole starter setup (yeah, probably not, right?)
• Guitaamp/cab parts. Not really into modding that stuff. Yet.
• Behringer pedals. Just not a fan.
• Any pedal whose value is primarily as a collectible (Vintage, Rare editions/colorways/signature models, etc)
• If I can get it on Amazon or Reverb for under $50, I'd rather we bundled a few things to make it worth the shipping cost.

A Note about mods/repairs/custom jobs: Feel free to shoot me your ideas, but probably I'm leaning toward not doing these. Expect to pay/trade way more for something custom than what I ask for the pedals I've already built.

I’ve always been really into ghost stories, or urban legends in general. The White Lady, haunted dolls, vampires, black eyed children, that kind of stuff. I know that, today, people my age aren’t big fans of that kind of horror anymore, preferring it things like the Backrooms, analog horror, all the new kinds of scary media. Honestly, I get it, things do need to evolve, and when we see everything that’s happening in the world, it’s understandable that a good old ghost story don’t do the job anymore.

Still, the “old fashioned” horror (it’s not that old, but things move fast on the internet) is always my jam. I grew up watching youtubers investigating haunted places, ghost hunting, with all their accessories, EMF meters, their little radio thing that they use to listen to radio frequencies so that they can hear any interference, their antenna that beeps when something approaches it, voice recorders, special flashlights, and let me tell you that all this, it was doing it for me.

So, since my, probably 7 years, I dreamt of doing these things myself. Of course, I tried everything a young boy is able to do, like Ouija or stupidly walking around my house with my phone filming, hoping that some random deceased person with unfinished business will show up to, I don’t know, have a chat. I wish I could say that other people’s judgement doesn’t affect me, but that would be a lie, so, going in to high school, I had to socially tone down my interest for those things in order to have friends. None of my friends and classmates knew about my persisting passion for ghosts and creepy stories.

I realize that keeping this such a secret is a bit ridiculous, especially approaching my 18^th birthday, but, you know, it would be even weirder to reveal it after hiding it for almost 6 years like it was something super taboo. So here I was, I started hiding my passion at 12 to avoid other’s judging it, and I’m now still hiding it at 17 to avoid others judging the fact that I hid it… A bit pathetic I got to admit.

Anyway, everything started a few days ago. I have an art history class at school and the teacher really likes to give us big works of research. This time, he had a new idea, the whole class will be divided into groups of two, and each group will receive a building from our city that the teacher had choose for his architectural and artistic interests, and we’ll have to give it a visit and write an analysis on the different things we’ll notice and link it to what we saw in class. Since all the buildings were not public places, he had asked the authorization of every property’s owner.

Honestly, this could have been worse. This actually sounded kinda cool to do. Now, what I was concerned about was who will be my partner. Obviously, I was hoping for one of my friends. After explaining the rules and exact instructions for the work, he started to announce the groups. I was waiting to hear my name, anxious, as all my friends were slowly starting to be put into their groups.

“Joshua!” The teacher said (yeah that’s my name). “You will be with…” I was holding on to my chair. “… Elizabeth!”

I turned to Elizabeth, and we looked at each other. Neither one of us seemed excited. It wasn’t a terrible pair, I thought to myself, I just didn’t know what to think of it exactly. Elizabeth was a pretty popular girl, not that I was an outcast or anything, but she was still way more popular than me. I didn’t know much more about her, despite the fact that we were in the same class since my first year of high school, but it looked like she was going to be an okay partner.

The teacher then gave us our building. I won’t reveal the real name of what he gave us so I’ll call it “Guaraldi’s Street 22”. Apparently, it was a pretty old house that had somewhat of an historic value to it. The teacher gave us some information so we wouldn’t stumble there without any prior knowledge. The owner was an old woman who had always lived there. She was apparently very glad to open her doors to young students and was ready to answer any questions we could have. He warned us that she had a weak audition and that we would have to speak loudly. The teacher then recommended us to do a little bit of research before going there, so we could already have some idea of where we were entering.

I then found myself in front of Elizabeth. I think the last time we even talked to each other was months ago when she was distributing a test to the class and that I said “Thanks”, so, yeah, not a lot of background. I noticed, and I don’t know why it took me so long, I guess I never paid much attention to her, that she was dressed in kind of an old style, she wore some clearly used dungarees. The date the teacher had scheduled for our visit was on Sunday, and we were Thursday.

“So, hum, I guess, we can both do research on our side, and we’ll meet, maybe at lunch break tomorrow to get on the same page. Is that good for you?” She asked me.

“Yeah, that’s good, we can do that.”

“Okay, then, see you tomorrow.” She said.

“See you.”

On that she turned her feet and left for her break. The rest of the day went by and I got back home. As usual, my mom wasn’t there, she often has to work late as she’s a single mom to me and my little sister Rosa. I ate my diner and went to my room. I opened my computer to start my research. It wasn’t hard to find information, even though things were repeating themselves a lot: “so much historical meaning for the city”, “a perfect example of “art-deco” architecture”, “a house filled with stories”. There was a lot of talk by local medias about it, but not much actual facts.

It was so weak, that I had to go to page 2 of the search results on google, or, as I like to call them, “the abyss of the internet” (I’m exaggerating a bit, but it’s not often that you have to go there).
Then, something caught my eyes. It was a forum about paranormal experiences, and the address was mentioned on a post. I immediately clicked on it and read the whole thing. It wasn’t exactly the most thrilling story I’ve read, but here’s what it basically said.

Apparently, the owner opened the house as a cottage during the summer, and the person posting was narrating what he experienced during his passage there. He described a very special and kinda suffocating vibe that was apparently all around the house, and the feeling of being observed all the time. He also talked about hearing voices at random moments. They were brief but often mentioned his name. The end of his testimony talked about his last night, when he said he saw a little child with no facial expression in front of his bed, who slowly started to climb into it and grabbed his legs, trying to pull him outside of his bed. The poster said he eventually succeeded to push the kid away, despite his unreal strength, and that the boy ended up running out of the room, laughing. When he spoke to the owner about it the next morning, she said that it must have been his imagination playing tricks on him, as she didn’t believe in paranormal and that nothing similar ever happened to her.

This wasn’t much, it could have been a complete lie, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t peak my curiosity. The story was as basic as it could be, but it was so specific for it to happen in that place, which was absolutely not famous, and even less for any paranormal events. I kept that in the back of my mind and continued my research, but I didn’t find much more, so I went to sleep.

As I was lying in my bed, I was thinking. What if the person who posted his story said the truth. This was the first time I was going to enter somewhere that old and charged with history, this could be the perfect place for my first ghost-hunt. But of course, I was going for school and won’t be alone, plus, it’s not really respectful to the owner, who kindly opened the doors of her family house to us. And even if I wanted to, I’d be constantly with Elizabeth, so, it was not really an option. I looked at the EMF meter I received for a birthday on my shelf and thought to myself that this would be for another time.

The next day, as planned, I met with Elizabeth at lunch break. We started to share the results of our research, where I did not include the post from the forum for obvious reasons. We talked a bit before coming to a clear conclusion.

“Yeah, the thing is, we have the same exact stuff, there isn’t much interesting infos to be found online, except very surface level stuff.” She said.

“Yes, I think we should prepare the questions we want to ask the owner instead.” I answered.

“You’re right, do you think you can have yours for Sunday?”

“Yeah, no problem.”

We exchanged a bit more and eventually went back to class.

On Saturday, I prepared a few questions to ask the owner.

Then came today, Sunday. The meeting was planned at 11AM. I woke up normally, took a breakfast, got dressed, everything. Before leaving my room, I took one last look at the room and I saw my EMF meter. It was like he was begging me to take him. I grabbed it and left. I didn’t know if I would actually use it, but I had it. It had an option where instead of lighting the small lamps he was vibrating, so I activated that and put it in my pocket.

I arrived at the house and Elizabeth was already waiting for me. We knocked and we could hear the owner walking towards the door saying “Yes, yes, just a second.” She opened and she looked like the sweetest thing ever. She was short and had a naturally kind face. We could see that she was clearly dressed and make up for the occasion. She welcomed us and let us in happily. The hallway was very pretty, I understood why our teacher got us this house, it was indeed very interesting. The walls were covered with paintings and old pictures, mostly portraits. On everyone of these, the people had a very serious look, but that’s not unusual for old pictures.

We walked to the living room where she served us tea and we sat together.

“So, I think you have some questions for me?” She asked. You could see that she was very glad to talk. “Don’t be shy, I’m open.”

Elizabeth started to ask her first question then I did, and we could ask her everything.

The house was her family’s for many generations, but it hadn’t always been theirs. All the persons in the hallway, paintings or pictures, were previous habitants of the house, and they went as far as the 15th century, so, yeah, it was all pretty old. She said they could only know the identity of some of the first generations but that a lot of the people were non identified. She answered a lot of other questions regarding the architectural and artistic heritage of the building, and she was surprisingly very interesting to listen to. Her enthusiasm and kindness were contagious, and we both couldn’t help but ask more questions.

Eventually, we arrived to the end of our list, and it was time for us to visit, take notes, analyze, all that. She asked us not to touch anything, as a lot of things had a lot of value, but let us wander free in the house. She said she’ll be making cookies for when we’ll be done. Elizabeth and I found ourselves alone in the living room and finished our tea.

“God,… She’s adorable.” Said Elizabeth with a smile.

“Yes, she’s so sweet, I wasn’t expecting that.” I said.

“Let’s, maybe start with there.” She said, pointing to the room besides us.

We got up and entered it. The walls were covered by huge bookshelves. Elizabeth started to take notes, looking at the room, and I started inspecting the books. There was probably a more than a thousand books, and some of them looked super old. I read the titles of some of them, and the least I could say was that it needed to be rearranged. “Cooking Asian Food”, “Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince”, some old book with the title erased, and even a CD in the middle, it was a bit random.

We eventually moved on to the hallway. It was a bit oppressing with all those eyes who seemed to observe us. Elizabeth did mention how it felt a bit weird and we started to take notes again. At some point, my look stopped on one painting at the back of the hall. It was a young lady, dressed classically, maybe a bit poorly even, for someone who would have lived there. She was kinda pretty, if I’m being honest. But the reason why it caught my eyes was that it was the only one who was smiling. All the other people represented looked dead serious, but her, she smiled. A sweet, even caring and warm smile. I noticed that it seemed like she was staring at me. Of course, a lot of paintings give that same impression, but it was more intense on her.

My heart skipped a beat. I was sure that I just saw her winked to me. I let out a gasp. I was convinced she winked at me. The vibe went from slightly oppressive to extremely heavy. Then we both heard it.

“Elizabeth.”

An unrecognizable voice had just whispered. Elizabeth turned to me.

“Did you say that?” She asked.

“Elizabeth.”

A younger voice this time. We were facing each other, so we knew it couldn’t be one of us this time, and the owner was in the kitchen. Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide and she slowly walked towards me.

“Elizabeth.”

She jumped.

“WHAT THE… fuck?” I let out. We were looking around us.

“Joshua, I don’t like this…”

“Yeah, me neither.”

We were frozen in place, with all the paintings looking right to us.

“Elizabeth.”

That time it was a deep voice, and it came from behind us. We turned. Slowly, all the faces of the paintings and pictures started to clearly move. They were opening their eyes wide and opening their mouths, maintaining their serious, and now even melancholic look.

“Holy shit, holy shit, what the fuck is that, what is it!” Elizabeth was mumbling, panicking as I was starting to breathe faster.

All the people started to say her name together on repeat: “Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth…” I turned my head to the painting of the young lady from earlier, and she was the only one that wasn’t moving, still the same smile, she looked at peace.

I don’t remember exactly what I was whispering at that moment, but we were both freaking out.

We heard some scratching noise. Long, dirty hands with sharp nails, almost inhumans, were piercing the pictures and paintings. The eyes of the people were becoming all black, and their jaws were opening more than humanly possible as they kept on repeating her name. The hands were all getting closer from us. We were now touching one another, completely surrounded by those hands. Then, they moved way faster and a lot of them got their nails right into Elizabeth’s skin and pierced it while descending all over her body.

She screamed loudly out of pain. It was a terrifying scream. All the hands got to their pictures and back inside of it while closing what they pierced. Soon, the pictures and paintings were back to normal, but Elizabeth was bleeding from all over her body and was on the floor, crying. I got to her level and tried as much as possible to reassure her, but I wasn’t very effective as I was myself in shock and terrified.
We heard the owner walk towards us.

“What’s happening to you two? I heard screams, are you okay?”

She entered the hallway and saw the scene. She looked completely shocked.

“But what happened?” She asked.

Both of us were unable to answer to her, we had no idea what to say that wouldn’t make us sound crazy, so we just looked at her with whatever faces we were making at that moment. She didn’t wait long and went to take a first aid kid. She sat down and put some bandages all over Elizabeth, as I was reflecting on what happened. When she was done, we both wanted to leave, so we said that we had what we needed for now. She looked sorry and packed some cookies for each of us. As we opened the door to leave, she articulated one last phrase.

“I hope you’ll come back.” She had a look and a tone of sadness. We got out and were now on the street.

We both looked at each other. She was covered in bands, like she got into a huge fight. I started to speak but she lifted her hand.

“Not today. Another one.” She said. “I’ll see you at school.” And she left.

I got on my way too and gave one last look to the house. The old owner was watching me from her window, and I couldn’t tell what her expression was.

I was too tired so I ignored it and went back to my house.

I’m posting this now that I’m back at home. I have no news of Elizabeth, but she did add me on Instagram, so…

I have no idea what I should do now, I have so many questions, so, if anyone has any theories, I’ll take it. I’m also open to questions of course…

Hi friends, I'm back with thoughts on my new Nui Cobalt Critters! For my reviews of 24 past Critters (including all of the Rabbits and Squirrels), see my recent post HERE. As I wrote before, this collection isn't entirely sweet cuddly woodland creatures, but it does have a lot of those, including three of my all-time favorite Nui Cobalts: Little Brown Rabbit, Little White Rabbit, and Lilac Rabbit (so of course I had to try this year's new Rabbit!) Here are my thoughts on five of this year's new releases, with an unexpected favorite...
Ordering specs: Nui Cobalt's website is easy to navigate, shipping is very affordable at $3.45, items come very securely packed, and customer service is always spectacular. I don't think I've ever placed an order that took more than 2-3 business days to ship (and recently it has usually been literally the very next day). Samples are generous - 1.15 mls at least - in vials with wand caps. Each order comes with one free sample, chosen by them (there’s no box to insert requests).
Nui Cobalt's typical annual schedule of releases: (I [and especially Nui Cobalt] make no promises, of course, that these collections will recur; this is just in my experience)

• Late January - Valentines (Philias, Crushes, and Les Désirs Dangereux)
• Late February - Bees, Favorite Things (formerly also Celtic Treasures)
• Late March - April Fools
• Late April - Critters
• Late May - Fae Folk
• Late June - Big Island, Dances
• Late July - Witches' Utility Blends
• Late August - Autumn 1
• Late September - Autumn 2
• Late October - Whole Being, Astrology (formerly also Ascended Masters, Good & Evil)
• Late November - Yule/Nutcracker
• Late December - Gamers & Geeks

These perfumes were provided as press samples by Nui Cobalt in exchange for an honest review.
​
Golden Retriever [Sunflower, amber resin, budding dogwood, fenugreek, and fresh-baked bread] Toast! A warm, ambery, spiced scent featuring toast made from a slightly sweetened bread. It's remarkable how sunny and summery this is - yet it's unmistakeably toast, and I keep getting distracted by this scent as I do other things, absentmindedly wondering where the breakfast is. If you like Poesie Amaterasu [Golden sandalwood incense, rice milk, bright cardamom, amber, dry wheat, and sunflowers], you'd love this; it has that same amiable warmth (though, of course, without the cardamom). As it starts to dry, the botanicals (the dogwood and fenugreek) come out more strongly (still with spiced ambery toast as a strong base note).
Red Admiral Butterfly [Blood orange, nasturtium flower, coriander, subtle blackwood, wild strawberry, and fresh garden basil] - This strawberry-blood orange combination is fabulous - the blood orange actually doesn't stick out much by itself, but it makes the strawberry note super juicy and takes away the candied artificiality of most strawberry notes in perfume. LOVE. I'm not super into this strong basil note, though. I love fruity-florals, but not so much fruity-herbals, and this is very much "juicy strawberry + basil and other dried herbs from a witch's cottage" (the "other dusty herbs" bit must be from the coriander note?). If they ever do that strawberry-blood orange combo again, I'll be all over it, it's quite stunning!
Black Sheep [Clean lamb's wool accord, myrrh resin, black seed, ambrette, and barely a whisper of oudh] - This is dusty twilight in a bottle. It's peaceful evening; it's cozy winter snuggles; it's the exhale when you can finally rest. It's undeniably dark, but soft and gentle, and I'd even describe it as gauzy. There is indeed but a whisper of myrrh and oud, just enough to make it dusty and dark, with the softest (and totally non-sheepy) cashmere and clean, slightly powdery ambrette. It doesn't have great longevity, lasting just under half a day on me, but holy wow is it amazing. I didn't know what to expect with this one - just looking at the notes, it's easy to think it could be too smoky or harsh - but it's beautiful.
Black Swan [Smooth tobacco, wild violet, humid black orchid, Peru balsam, clove bud, and a touch of star anise] - This feels like the bolder cousin of Black Sheep - it shares the same kind of dark, dusky beauty, but is significantly stronger, bolder, and less cuddly. The violets and anise (licorice) are strongest, with a really fruity purple plum/fig note too that's not at all listed but definitely arrives on my skin, over a base of the smoothest tobacco. Husband loves this tobacco. "Bring me that bottle," he declared upon sniffing my wrist, "I want to see what it does on my skin." And woah, it's SO different on him - the balsam is SO much stronger, making this a woody tobacco with a gently floral background. Are any of us surprised that he snaffled it?
Harlequin Rabbit [Nutmeg and tonka bean nuzzle up against toasted marshmallow, auburn cashmere, white pepper, black tea, and a trace of carrot seed] - Where Little Brown Rabbit is the snuggly evening one, Little White Rabbit is the clean elegant one, and Lilac Rabbit the soft pretty one, Harlequin Rabbit feels to me like the rainy-day one. I love this concept of the harlequin rabbit - that's a real rabbit coloring, by the way, and SUPER pretty, look it up! - created here by the Rabbit base plus black and white notes. This scent features a strong marshmallow note, the pretty, clean soapiness of Little White Rabbit, and malty notes not yet recognizable as black tea. It's cheeky, to be sure, but it also feels young, like it needs time to grow into itself. Nui Cobalt has a gorgeous black tea note, but it's surprisingly (and disappointingly) not that strong in this scent. Right now, Harlequin Rabbit feels like tea-dusted marshmallows (plus that soapy cottonflower note) rather than the more autumnal "rich black tea with marshmallow sweetness and a peppery bite" that I'm hoping it will develop into. I think it'll get there with a little aging, and indeed, the black tea and white pepper have already become stronger just over the course of my multiple wears of this, one a few days after its arrival and the other just yesterday (a week and a half later). Meanwhile, Husband interestingly smells generic "spices" from the tea and pepper, and says that the scent overall reminds him of Christmas markets (and he's quite enthusiastic in his praise of this one on me).

Personally...

I like Harlequin Rabbit (and it will certainly join my collection, standing alongside my other beloved Rabbits) but I don't yet love it as much as I thought I would. I really do think it just needs time to finish growing into itself. Black Sheep is the quiet standout for me - she's soft and unassuming, but she's a stunner. Red Admiral Butterfly is also quite a triumph - that glorious juicy strawberry! - and anybody who likes (or at least won't mind) the herbal notes should absolutely give it a try. All five of these truly have such artistry and strength of character, so you can't go wrong if you pick the ones that have notes you love.

I apologize this will be a long post:
Well everyone let me just say my Mother is a text book narcissist. Diagnosed. I held on to our relationship because of my younger brothers. I wanted my family to be happy. I lied to myself and held on to the good I saw; even though I know it’s all an act and manipulation for control and her own fucked up toxic validation. I made excuses because she herself had an incredibly fucked up childhood. She also has been diagnosed and takes medication.
The amount of physical pain, abuse and mental anguish my Mother has caused my family is unreal. The pathological lying is unremarkable. She will have a melt down the second you unveil her scheme or correct her. Her MO is she is always “dying” or “sick”. Constantly seeking attention and validation. She is a master at jamming wedges in between people as well as making everyone look like the “bad guy”.
She is a queen at manipulating. Recently she finally was flagged by the State as a drug seeker. She doctor shops to get pills and had many prescriptions for pain pills. The 30 years prior she was a raging alcoholic. Ever since they cut her pills she has began to spiral. Worse than I have ever seen. I knew something was coming.
My Father just died, on my birthday, a few weeks ago. Of course she was no where to be seen and completely unhelpful. The one day she came, when my Father was actively dying, and said in her best actress “oh poor me” voice. “Oh I also had some MRIs this week. Been going to my Doctor and said to him to do everything he can. I don’t want my daughter to have to lose both her parents”. She has Fibromyalgia. She kept talking about her sickness and doctors while my Dad lay there. Actually dying.
Lastly, my Brother and Father hadn’t talked in 6 years. He and I also are not on good terms so of course I tried to go through her. I kept begging her to bring my brother to see my Father. Begged her to have him call me so I could put the phone on speaker. I wanted so desperately for my Brother to talk to him. My Brother wanted to talk to the doctor before coming to visit. He did not believe my Mother that my Dad was actually dying. Understandable, she is a liar.
I gave the hospital his number and asked to have him added as someone the doctor can speak with. All of us were added to a healthcare proxy file. I gave the doctor his number and asked him to call my Brother. The doctor went and spoke with my Father and my Father said “No” when asked if the doctor could call. It was out of my hands and devastated me. It broke in to many pieces. I wanted my Brother there. My Mother refused to bring him (he is disabled and cannot drive).
The day before my Father passed I texted my Mother and she knew my brother was added and I gave the doctor his number. The morning my Father died I again asked her to bring my brother she replied “Your Dad said no, so”. The day after my Father died I received the most horrible texts from my brother. My Mother lied and said that I never told her he had permission to call or see my Dad. She never told my brother he could call or even tried to get him to go in person.
This was my snapping point. Of all the abuse and times she made everything about her. The fights at holidays or special events. The drama and the lies this is by far the absolute worst thing she could ever have done. My father is now dead and my brother will never have closure. She would rather this so she can play the hero to my brother and the victim because me her “horrible daughter” has treated her “badly”.
I know she is a raging narcissist. I know how she is and what she does everytime. Always makes things about her but when my Father was dying?! After he died?! I knew the time would come when I couldn’t take it any more but this. THIS?!
I finally told her off. I finally called her everything she is. I know it doesn’t matter because a narcissist is never wrong and she will lie to everyone until the day she dies. Unlike my Father I will not be there. May she die alone and miserable. May her karma bring her nothing but suffering.
I never thought she could break my heart enough to the point that I finally feel nothing. The years I spent crying so hard and all the trauma she has burned into my soul. I can’t take it any more. I am truly heartbroken.
I fucking hate her. Finally. I feel nothing any more. The small ounces of hope. The love for the woman I want her to be. I can no longer deny and make excuses. I am done and I am not going back.
Thank you for listening if you made it this far.
I’m just so unbelievably sad.

Some ideas for a city campaign in Helldivers II. This during the massive Automaton push after surprise massive fleet show up.
Setting
A city of that used to be a thriving human home inhabited by 30 million citizens but the war turned it into a battlefield as Automaton’s relentless offensive since the surprise attack few weeks ago. SEAF desperately held on the city as it is a the center of political capital of the region, not to mention the node of economy and culture too. Sharp fight erupts over a control of an apartment block or sewer system, showing how intense the battle is for weeks. The Helldivers are assigned as tip of the spearhead to attack critical points that can turn the tide of the battle.
Imagine Fallujah 2003, Berlin 1945 or Hue 1968 as sample templates.

Parkour hell

Automatons are pushing hard but still unable to breakthrough due to resilience of the SEAF so far. However this new development worries the High Command enough to merit a Helldiver mission.
Intel assessed and believes that enemy is deploying an artillery system that we never seen before to this sector. What we do know that they break it up to few components that is transported on heavy haulers, about 20 of them and has to go through this no-man zone. You have a limited time window of 15 minutes once deployed.
Once they passed this point, it will be detrimental as they have sufficient parts to assemble into a huge artillery system that might cause problem for the regular troops holding the frontline.
The intel also believes that the only way these haulers can be taken out is their relatively weak top armor. Realistically, you Helldivers have to do parkour on the building roofs and set up ambush points to effect a destruction of these haulers. So every Helldiver must have Jump Pack as a mandatory Strategm, as any street level battle will be suicidal. Do lookout for crumbling building that might go down if you landed wrongly. We have reason to believe that Automatons have rapid response team if the convoy got attacked in mere minutes too. Destroy the haulers before get overwhelmed.
You must at least destroy 60% of the convoy to be considered as successful.
Good luck and give them hell.
Based on the exploits of Chechen's Tiger unit in Battle of Grozny 1994.

Rattenkrieg – War of the Rats

We believe that Automatons are hiding their crucial ammo and fuel stockpiles in the middle of the city blocks around this sector but we can’t detect accurately from the orbit because they using a stealth net that obscures our Super-Destroyer’s optic and detection systems. We believe by destroying these forward caches, their push will at least slacken to buy SEAF precious time to regroup and rebuild their line.
This is where you coming in.
Unfortunately, we can’t insert Helldivers near to the combat zone since we are not sure the exact locations so you have these deployment zones here and here. So, you have to deploy, get stocked with ammo and equipment then enter the vast sewer system to access target areas from below. That means the Super Destroyers or CAS (Close Air Support) will not able to assist you since you will be cut off underground.
Luckily, there are few gaps via big blasted holes that we can send help shall you need it in middle of the fight. Use those precious window wisely. Also if any reinforcements has to start from beginning zone all over again unless there are hole gaps nearby. Needless to say, the terrain is cramped and very close quarter prone so choose your loadout accordingly. Do note to try destroy the access holes once you completed the target to prevent pursuit by the enemy in the sewers.
We also knew there are caches from the wiped out defenders hiding inside the sewer systems so you can resupply from their stocks. These are approximate locations.
You must destroy at least 5 caches quickly and exit in 30 minutes.
Inspired by Battle of Stalingrad 1942-43.

The Vault

A group of prominent citizens trapped in a big bank vault, hiding from marauding Automaton patrols after unable to evacuate in time during the retreat. It is up to you, Helldivers, to approach the bank from above in your typical fashion or go stealth via underground sewer system. Reach the bank, decommission any resistance, secure the citizens and escort them to a waiting shuttle before the Automaton find their hiding spot.
The bank itself, used to be an architectural marvel during peaceful days has turned into a massive rubble that makes a nightmarish urban combat scenario.
You also must secure data from the bank server while rescuing the citizens at the same time. Also, power up the backup generator underground before you can open the vault and the booting up the server too while fighting the Automatons. This is your speciality, hence the command needs you do it. You have a small window of action about 12 minutes before the enemy begin to send in reinforcements or rapid response force, so act quick.
Here’s the blueprint of the bank. Good luck.

The Towers

The Automaton set up few massive signal jamming tower units that causing troubles for SEAF. What’s worse, we can’t really pinpoint the exact location of the towers since they keep rotating spots to avoid detection by our forces. Therefore, it is your task to drop in and corner these mobile jammer units, render it destroyed. Without doubt, the enemy sentry will be considerable and expect a massive fight shall it turn into a shooting match.
Best way is to use AM rifle to destroy the jammers from far and quickly scoot to the next place.
You have 40 minutes to disable their EW units and evacuate from the combat zone. Good luck.

Hey everyone, amidst the thousands of rants, in light of Nick's movement, I think it's time for me to say something, maybe no one cares, I don't have a major platform to get my word out, but I still think that it's good to get these things out here and perhaps the best thing all of this can do is change the way we perceive the game as a player base. This will be long, so those of you willing to, bear with me.
Let me tell you something from a point of view of someone who loved the game for a long time. We're a bunch of very versatile people from all over the place and maybe it can also teach us a lesson or two. On one hand, you have kids who play it for the same reason I played it some good 15 years ago, and you've got us, the older players, who loved the game for what it was growing up because it was the best football themed game out there in many aspects, although FIFA entries weren't the only good thing about that era (shoutout to PES 2006 and 2010). It's a game that I used to enjoy because I love football as a sport, I used to play it basically on a professional level, this is the best "active" form for me to engage with the game. I'm probably too stupid for Football Manager though I believe it's only a matter of watchin a few videos to get into it and understand the in-depth mechanics. I always tried playing it and got lost in the menus within 5 minutes. But for what it's worth, I understood FIFA, I understood FUT and the shell of what it once was, the grind was fun to me, using players from past and present that I like, well, until it all got burned to the fucking ground within a year. I was never an Elite div or Rank 1 or even Rank 2 player. But I had certain results, I would get 9 to 11 wins most of the time and with enough free time I could always climb to atleast div 2 in Rivals. Sure, many of you are better and I realize that, but it's not about that. To me it was always about getting better at the game for myself, on my own terms, there would be some progression to it and getting better throughout the years always made me happy. Adult life is adult life and it's very individual, some of us have more free time on our hands, others don't. In my case, I barely have time to do my daily play matches, some SBCs and play Champs on the weekend because of work.
But the question is - how can I consistently enjoy the game if:

• a) every single thing and tactic that I figure out, gets nerfed within a few months - and I'm not talking about ratty shit, I'm talking things like finesse shots, trivelas, some useful passes, just gameplay stuff
  
• b) they don't do shit to fix broken things in-game, like OP cutbacks, I came to peace with them, but still, it's too OP, or doing things to somehow nerf or balance situations when people pass between the GK and CB from the 70th minute onwards. Idk how many of you were around when they banned Kurt, but they pulled up a whole statement about policies regarding in-game toxicity for building towards a fun experience for everyone, yet they don't do shit with the game itself.
  
• c) the game itself wants you to feel bad about your gameplay and even tries to pass off DDA as skill issue. Of course, at times it really comes down to your skills, but how often do you hear the commentators praise you? At times even when you're leading, they keep repeating how it's a matter of time until you concede an equalizer. You know those graphics on the pitch itself? The win probability stuff. It shows up only when you're losing, even if you are let's say one goal behind and it's the 65th minute, they'll show you a whole statistic all over the fucking pitch, telling you that you have a 2% chance to win the game. To demoralize you. To make you feel like you need to keep upgrading and upgrading and upgrading and once you run out of fodder and luck, to go dump your money into store packs. And even that doesn't help you, the pack weight is shit, you just get quick fodder for unreasonable money, and the theories that spending money on the game improves your gameplay, it's all bogus. To put it simple, if you achieve something, you will not see anything positive. No congratulations screen, just infographics, but when you do something bad, God forbid, you will get fact-bombed about how shit you are. From a psychological point of view, this game is toxic to it's core and it's very, very, very unhealthy for one's mental health. If you're an adult, trying to relax after tons of stressful shit in your daily life, this is not the place for proverbial relaxation. If you're a kid who's going through your teen years, those years are stressful for many reasons and once again, this cannot possibly help you. I hold no grudge towards many players as I am aware that many players are very young (less than 18) and perhaps that generation is simply like that and there's nothing we can do about it. I'm talking only about FUT, I believe that Pro Clubs are probably way more lighthearted and fun and I treat Career Mode which has been abandoned, as a separate game basically.
  
• d) Obvious gambling issues. Enough has been said. I am one of the minority in thinking that there is nothing wrong with buying a pack here or there if you're an adult and if it doesn't impact serious aspects of your life. If you earn money, it's entirely up to you how you spend it. Some people like fine dining and dump money on food. Some people collect stuff and dump money on collectibles. Some people overspend to impress their s/o. So, in theory, there is nothing wrong with spending money on or within a game as a concept. But what is wrong is how it works in this game in particular. You get new packs over and over again, the store is full of things to spend money on, but the core game itself is neglected gameplay-wise. Content is okay, SBCs are okay, with exchanges and stuff, it's really good actually. I am one of those who actually enjoy both the menus and the gameplay itself, equally. All of it is a part of the experience. But you have really bad things going on with your games and the only thing that you do as a dev is dump packs? And even those packs, the pack weight is absolute shit, it's turned into a casino, a slot machine, because it's all rigged towards you ending on a loss, thus having the psychological effect of you not getting your dopamine shot of packing something nice, often you're not in a situation to buy another one, so this will linger in the back of your head, that you didn't complete the process and you need to see if next time you'll finally get something good. Or, you bought it with coins and now you lost a good amount of coins, so you think of buying the next one with FP, or even worse, you can afford it and you just successfully gave them twice the intended amount of money. This is a serious, self-destructive behavioral pattern, take it from someone who has some education in a field very close to all of that. Teach children that and you can legitimately ruin their lives. Say, if you knew what you're getting, exactly what, or atleast if you knew that there is a smaller pool of what you can pack, or guaranteed something for a symbolic amount of money, I'd say it is what it is, since we truly do live in an era full of microtransactions and that's just something that's a part of online gaming nowadays. The bad part is overspending on something that will just not reward you anyhow or grant you any sort of benefit. Even games with battle passes have better options in this regard. You're getting better progression in exchange for a symbolic amount of money.
  
• e) The game itself doesn't work properly! You're getting DNFs left and right, you can't even navigate through SBCs and your club without the game freezing multiple times. EA keeps fucking up with "unintended rewards" first it was Messi, I did the SBC, got nothing, life goes on. Several times I had issues where objectives didn't count, whatever, life goes on, it's a game. Or some rewards got bugged and fucked me over multiple times, whatever, life goes on. This most recent L1 red pick stuff, that was honestly the last straw, not even the fact that I didn't get them simply because I have a life and don't camp in front of my console each Friday to sweat my ass off for the very start of the Champs Finals, but because they finally spilled the beans, told us we were never supposed to get good cards out of it with a decent percentage and on top of that, they ruined the small amount of fun I had playing with Paletools between meetings at work (by that I mean killing the droprate and nerfing pack weight).
  

The whole situation is very stupid, because there is no viable alternative in terms of football games, and frankly, playing FIFA is a habit and something I've been doing for one half of my life. It's tough for me to get invested into an online competitive game, though I used to play League, Overwatch, stuff like that, but those games became shit over the years as well. That's why, though I'm only one of way too many, from my point of view, my actions bear some value, because as of today, I just don't want to feel like shit because of a game anymore atleast on a weekly basis. As things stand, dumping my time into this game is simply pointless. If I want to play Weekend League, I'll get shat on by the servers, or the gameplay will be horrendous and my cards will feel like freezers getting dragged across the pitch by a rope. Cards with great finishing, will feel like bronze cards, whatever. We're not supposed to get good rewards, and the game will call us out for being "bad" when we get DDAd. At this point, there is nothing positive about it. I will perhaps return for Futties, not that anyone cares, but building fun cards is kinda fun and good, so I'm looking forward to that. Otherwise, I will return only if all of this actually changes something. If the assholes from EA release a statement and actually change something, then I will return earlier, and even then, I'm not giving them a single euro this year. And maybe, for the first time in way too many years, I won't even preorder, maybe I'll play it later on, if it turns out to be better and different. Other than that... there's no point playing if the game is like this. I'm done with feeling negative emotions because of a game designed to gaslight and manipulate us into feeling like shit.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I just felt like I needed to tell someone.