This is a startling phenomenon I have noticed as of late with all modern Hollywood products. For whatever reason Disney/Hollywood keeps trying to push blatantly evil character and try to gaslight us into thinking they are good. This never works but the fact they are trying to do it at all is both confusing and disturbing. Here are a few examples of what I mean
Galadriel from Rings of Power I cannot stand this women she is an entitled narcacistic prick who doesn’t give a damn about her men. When one of her guys had fallen in a snow storm and it was brought to her attention she said “no we keep moving!” She is also a genocidal war monger who wants to murder the orcs because they exist and is rather racist too. Like when she said “there is a tempest in me and it will not be quelled by you regent!” To a freaking queen! The rings of power was painful to watch and the protag was an entitled POS. But of course she never gets called out on her crap because she is supposed to be the good guy right?
Next is Captain Marvel. This “hero” bullied and threatened to murder a guy because he used a bad pick up line that’s it. She literally said she was going to rip his hand off if he didn’t give her his bike. Shit dude at least the terminator asked first! And it says a lot when a literal Robot has more personality and manors than she dose. Plus she also committed Multiple genocides in the newest movie as per her own omission. Why are we supposed to root for this girl again? I shouldn’t want the protag to fail in their own movie Disney.
And then we have the female protag in Indian Jones and the dile of destiny. She is smug arrogant and entitled and somehow is better at adventuring than a guy who has been doing this his whole life. Ya know despite only being 30 or so. She is also friends with a pick pocketing piece of vermin with no redeemable qualities. She always acts with this BS sense if moral superiority despite the fact she has done nothing to deserve it. And she is a girl boss who can move better than a pro gymnast despite being built like a pool noodle
Even in movies like the Acolyte which hasn’t come out yet a protag said this amazing line. “This isn’t about good or evil it is about power.” Literally I can see daddy Palpie saying something like that not a freaking Jedi! Damn product has not even come out yet and I hate the Protag
Do you see what I mean? You can find more of them if you look for it but my point still stands these moral repugnant pieces of garbage are supposed to be our POV character and the person we root for. I was rooting for all of their downfall the whole time they were on screen. It really shows how wicked and awful modern Hollywood is. If THIS is supposed to be our hero’s what dose that say about the writers?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS NUMEROLOGY DECODE

Since we all know exactly who and what Spongebob is, I am going to do a Numerology decode.
When it comes to Numerology, there are many different things you can look into. I am going to look into the letters, patterns, and Numerology personality numbers.
SPONGEBOB has a personality #6. 6 is the number of compassion, work ethic, criticism, cleanliness, and productivity. In the funny show, we see that Spongebob is a workaholic. He has a 5 destiny number which shapes who you are overall. 5 is connected to youthfulness which explains the silliness of the Spongebob character. He is always laughing and doing things funny. The 5 energy indicates this. 5 also points to people, places, and things that are unique. He has an 8 soul urge which explains his undying ambition and creativity.
We can see that SPONGEBOB has 2 O's which has the numeric energy of 15 and numeric value of 6. 15 is the creative use of energy for productivity. Again, 6 is the number of routine, work ethic and productivity goes with this. This energy is not only his personality number, but also it is within his name. It's really in him.
SPONGEBOB HAS DOUBLE NUMERIC VALUES IN HIS NAME WHICH ARE, 7,6,5, AND 2. This explains why he is able to show his emotions and have moments of sensitivity(2). Very compassionate(2) but also childish and silly(5) and able to come up with plans that work(7). Since these #s has double influence, we must considered what they equal. 7 twice equals 14/5 which shows how he is responsible and can make work fun even though it is a duty(6). 6 twice equals 12/3 which shows his social skills, life, and creativity. Another youthful energy as well. 5 twice equals 10/1 which points to his bravery and capability to take action. 2 twice equals 4 which is home,family,responsibility, and structure on the home front and he would make everyone feel comfortable for the most part.
spongebob
spongebob characters
spongebob meme
plankton spongebob
spongebob streaming
spongebob cast
spongebob and patrick
how old is spongebob
sad spongebob
spongebob age
spongebob actor
spongebob ariana grande
spongebob anchovies
spongebob ai voice
spongebob arms
spongebob alaskan bull worm
ariana grande spongebob
ai spongebob
a drawing of spongebob
a spongebob game
a spongebob song
a spongebob movie
a spongebob picture
a spongebob toy
spongebob background
spongebob boots
spongebob broadway
spongebob behind closed doors
spongebob basketball
spongebob broadway actor
spongebob brain on fire
bikini bottom spongebob
buff spongebob
best spongebob episodes
black spongebob
bubble bass spongebob
behind closed doors spongebob
baby spongebob
best spongebob quotes
bootleg spongebob
bikini atoll spongebob
spongebob cologne
spongebob crocs
spongebob chocolate lady
spongebob coloring pages
spongebob crying
spongebob cake
spongebob caveman
caveman spongebob
chocolate spongebob
cast of spongebob
cursed spongebob
chocolate lady spongebob
crying spongebob
creator of spongebob
characters in spongebob
corey taylor spongebob
christmas spongebob
spongebob drawing
spongebob dance
spongebob doodlebob
spongebob dirty dan
spongebob dad
spongebob driver license
spongebob drawing easy
spongebob dancing gif
spongebob dry
dry spongebob
david hasselhoff spongebob
doodlebob spongebob
dirty dan spongebob
did spongebob die
did spongebob end
dennis spongebob
dirty bubble spongebob
draw spongebob
david bowie spongebob
spongebob episodes
spongebob eyes meme
spongebob episode list
spongebob easy drawing
spongebob exe
spongebob essay meme
spongebob explosion
emo spongebob
ethan slater spongebob
evil spongebob
easy spongebob drawing
employee of the month spongebob
electric zoo spongebob
exhausted spongebob
excited spongebob
earworm spongebob
episode spongebob
spongebob flowers
spongebob fish
spongebob font
spongebob fortnite
spongebob fire meme
spongebob first episode
spongebob floating meme
spongebob fish meme
spongebob face
spongebob flexing
funny spongebob pictures
fish from spongebob
funny spongebob
flying dutchman spongebob
flats spongebob
fun song spongebob
fred spongebob
funniest spongebob episodes
floating spongebob meme
font spongebob
spongebob grandma
spongebob gif
spongebob games
spongebob glasses
spongebob gary
spongebob gangster
spongebob goofy goober song lyrics
spongebob gay
spongebob graduation cap
gangster spongebob
gary spongebob
gangsta spongebob
goofy goober spongebob
grandma from spongebob
gif spongebob
glove world spongebob
good noodle spongebob
game spongebob
gorilla spongebob
spongebob house
spongebob happy
spongebob hat
spongebob hand meme
spongebob he was number one
spongebob halftime show
spongebob hoodie
spongebob health inspector
spongebob hash slinging slasher
spongebob halloween episode
how to draw spongebob
how did spongebob die
how tall is spongebob
how did spongebob die and who killed him
how to watch spongebob
halloween spongebob episode
house of spongebob
how can i watch spongebob
how to spongebob laugh
spongebob ice cream
spongebob imagination
spongebob i need it
spongebob intro lyrics
spongebob id
spongebob i don't need it
spongebob images
spongebob ice cream bar
spongebob i'm ready
spongebob island
is spongebob gay
it's a spongebob christmas
ice cream spongebob
is spongebob squarepants
is spongebob a fish
is spongebob streaming
intro spongebob lyrics
i'm normal spongebob
is ethan slater spongebob
is that chocolate spongebob
spongebob jellyfish
spongebob jellyfish song
spongebob jokes
spongebob joystick game
spongebob jordans
spongebob jellyfish glasses
spongebob july 2024
spongebob jacket
jellyfish spongebob
jkl spongebob
just one bite spongebob
jellyfish song spongebob
jacked spongebob
johnny depp spongebob
james gandolfini spongebob
jellyfish jam spongebob
jim spongebob
jellyfish fields spongebob
spongebob kyries
spongebob karen
spongebob krusty krab
spongebob king neptune
spongebob kelp shake
spongebob keyboard
spongebob kevin
spongebob killed
karen spongebob
kyrie spongebob
kyrie spongebob shoes
king neptune spongebob
kevin spongebob
kyrie 5 spongebob
keanu reeves spongebob
kelp shake spongebob
karate island spongebob
kyrie spongebob collection
spongebob legos
spongebob lego sets
spongebob license
spongebob lyrics
spongebob laugh
spongebob lifting weights
spongebob logo
spongebob legs
spongebob laughing meme
spongebob licking meme
lego spongebob
larry spongebob
lush spongebob
leif erikson day spongebob
live action spongebob
last episode of spongebob
lego spongebob sets
lyrics to spongebob theme song
logo spongebob
laughing spongebob
spongebob musical
spongebob movie 2004 cast
spongebob mocking meme
spongebob mom
spongebob meme generator
spongebob money
my leg spongebob
man ray spongebob
mrs puff spongebob
meme spongebob
my eyes spongebob
mocking spongebob
minecraft spongebob
money spongebob
mocking spongebob meme
muscle spongebob
spongebob nematode
spongebob nerd
spongebob new episodes
spongebob news fish
spongebob nails
spongebob no meme
spongebob new movie
normal spongebob
nosferatu spongebob
nematode spongebob
new spongebob
new spongebob movie
nerd spongebob
new spongebob popsicle
nasty patty spongebob
no pickles spongebob
new spongebob episodes
spongebob old lady
spongebob out of breath
spongebob on broadway
spongebob outfit
spongebob old man
spongebob outline
spongebob on fire
spongebob overtime
old lady from spongebob
old man jenkins spongebob
one hour later spongebob
old worm from spongebob
old spongebob
one eternity later spongebob
original spongebob voice actor dead
one year later spongebob
old man spongebob
out of breath spongebob
spongebob popsicle
spongebob parents
spongebob patrick
spongebob pictures
spongebob png
spongebob pineapple
spongebob pfp
spongebob plush
spongebob pirate
patrick spongebob
pearl spongebob
pictures of spongebob
pickle guy from spongebob
patricia spongebob
pickle from spongebob
panty raid spongebob
patrick spongebob meme
pineapple spongebob
spongebob quotes
spongebob quiz
spongebob quotes funny
spongebob quotes about life
spongebob quotes about love
spongebob questions
spongebob quickster
spongebob quarantine bubble
spongebob quiz hard
quotes spongebob
quiz spongebob
quickster spongebob
queen jellyfish spongebob
qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm spongebob
questions about spongebob
queen amphitrite spongebob
quotes spongebob squarepants
quotes from the spongebob movie
quotes from spongebob about life
spongebob rap
spongebob restaurant
spongebob release date
spongebob rainbow
spongebob rainbow meme
spongebob rave
spongebob roundpants
round spongebob
realistic spongebob
rock bottom spongebob
rich spongebob
ripped pants spongebob
real life spongebob
rich spongebob meme
red mist spongebob
rainbow spongebob
ray man spongebob
spongebob season 14
spongebob season 1
spongebob super bowl
spongebob shoes
spongebob sweet victory
spongebob season 13
sandy spongebob
sad spongebob meme
spongebob spongebob patrick patrick
super bowl spongebob
season 1 spongebob
season 13 spongebob
streaming spongebob
spongebob squarepants spongebob squarepants
spongebob the musical
spongebob theme song lyrics
spongebob toys
spongebob tired meme
spongebob the musical characters
spongebob trivia
spongebob teeth
the spongebob squarepants movie
the spongebob movie
the spongebob musical
the spongebob meme
the spongebob squarepants
the chocolate lady from spongebob
the cast of spongebob
the spongebob gif
the voice actor of spongebob
the spongebob characters
spongebob underwear
spongebob ukulele song
spongebob ugly
spongebob ugly face
spongebob universe
spongebob ukulele tabs
spongebob underwear meme
spongebob ugly episode
ugly spongebob
ugly spongebob characters
ugh spongebob
ugly spongebob meme
universal studios spongebob
ugly patty spongebob
ukulele spongebob
ugly spongebob face
under the sea spongebob
unblocked spongebob games
spongebob videos
spongebob villains
spongebob video games
spongebob voice
spongebob valentines
spongebob voice actor died
spongebob vans
voice of spongebob
vans spongebob
video spongebob
vampire from spongebob
villain from spongebob
voice ai spongebob
valentine's day spongebob
video spongebob squarepants
valentines spongebob
vans x spongebob
spongebob wallpaper
spongebob worm
spongebob with glasses
spongebob where to watch
spongebob water
spongebob waiting
spongebob whats funnier than 24
spongebob wanted meme
spongebob water meme
where to watch spongebob
wallpaper spongebob
what is plankton from spongebob
where is spongebob streaming
what is the spongebob movie on
what is pearl from spongebob
what spongebob meme
what is patrick from spongebob
who is the voice actor of spongebob
what is spongebob squarepants
spongebob x squidward
spongebob x sandy
spongebob x fortnite
spongebob x patrick
spongebob xbox series x console
spongebob x reader
spongebob xbox controller
spongebob x crocs
xbox series x spongebob
xbox spongebob
xbox spongebob console
xqc spongebob
xbox spongebob game
xxposed spongebob
xbox 360 spongebob games
x ray spongebob
xmas spongebob
x ray spongebob drawing
spongebob yelling meme
spongebob youtube
spongebob yelling
spongebob years later
spongebob you like krabby patties
spongebob yelling at squidward
spongebob you what
spongebob youtooz
spongebob you know meme
youtube spongebob
you what spongebob
youtube spongebob squarepants
youtube spongebob full episodes
years later spongebob
yummer spongebob
you what spongebob meme
youtooz spongebob
ytp spongebob
yassified spongebob
spongebob zodiac signs
spongebob zoom background
spongebob zoom in
spongebob zombie
spongebob zoomed in face
spongebob zesty
spongebob zoo
spongebob zombie apocalypse
spongebob zombie au
zesty spongebob
zombie spongebob
zach hadel spongebob
zoomed in spongebob
zulu spongebob
zeus spongebob
zebra gamer spongebob
zoom background spongebob
zara spongebob
zeus the guitar lord spongebob
spongebob 0 days without nonsense
spongebob 0.5
spongebob 007
spongebob 06
spongebob 0.5 picture
spongebob 07/25/05
spongebob 0d 0a
spongebob 0004
spongebob 06 game
07/25/05 spongebob
0 days without nonsense spongebob
06/06/06 spongebob
0.5 spongebob
0.5 picture of spongebob
spongebob 10 000 krabby patties
7/25/05 spongebob
12-14-03 spongebob
mb.02 spongebob
spongebob 1 hour later
spongebob 16th birthday cake
spongebob 10 years later
spongebob 12 hours later
spongebob 10 hours later
spongebob 10 minutes later
spongebob 100 years later
spongebob 1v1 map code
spongebob 1st episode
1 hour later spongebob
10 years later spongebob
10 spongebob characters
12 hours later spongebob
10 minutes later spongebob
10 hours later spongebob
100 years later spongebob
1 year later spongebob
1999 spongebob
16th birthday spongebob cake
spongebob 25 cake
spongebob 25
spongebob 25th anniversary
spongebob 25 meme
spongebob 2 hours later
spongebob 2024
spongebob 24 meme
spongebob 25 birthday cake
spongebob 24 25 cake
spongebob 25 cake topper
2 hours later spongebob
25 spongebob cake
20 minutes later spongebob
25 spongebob
2 years later spongebob
20 years later spongebob
2 days later spongebob
25 spongebob meme
2000 years later spongebob
2 hours later spongebob meme
spongebob 3 hours later
spongebob 3 friends
spongebob 3d
spongebob 3 days later
spongebob 30 minutes later
spongebob 3 years later
spongebob 3 hours later gif
spongebob 3 in 1
3 hours later spongebob
30 minutes later spongebob
3 years later spongebob
3 days later spongebob
3d spongebob
3 months later spongebob
3 hours later spongebob gif
30 years later spongebob
3 weeks later spongebob
3 days later spongebob gif
spongebob 4k
spongebob 4k steelbook
spongebob 4 hours later
spongebob 40 lashes
spongebob 40 benadryls
spongebob 4 years later
spongebob 4k wallpaper
spongebob 4 movie
4 hours later spongebob
4 years later spongebob
40 lashes spongebob
4 days later spongebob
4k spongebob wallpaper
45 minutes later spongebob
4 months later spongebob
4th spongebob movie
40 minutes later spongebob
48 hours later spongebob
spongebob 5 hours later
spongebob 5 minutes later
spongebob 5 years later
spongebob 5 hours later meme
spongebob 5 below
spongebob 5 days later
spongebob 5 seconds later
spongebob 5 dollar footlong
spongebob 5 o'clock shadow
5 years later spongebob
5 minutes later spongebob
5 hours later spongebob
5 dollar footlong spongebob
5 hours later spongebob meme
5 hours later spongebob gif
5 minutes later spongebob download
5 days later spongebob
5 seconds later spongebob
50 years later spongebob
spongebob 6 o clock
spongebob 6 hours later
spongebob 62 cents
spongebob 6 months later
spongebob 6 years later
spongebob 64
spongebob 6 hundred
spongebob 6 o clock gif
spongebob 62 cents episode
spongebob 600 gif
6 hours later spongebob
6 months later spongebob
6 years later spongebob
62 cents spongebob
6 o clock spongebob
62 cents spongebob episode
6 days later spongebob
6 o'clock spongebob gif
6 weeks later spongebob
6 minutes later spongebob
spongebob 7 deadly sins
spongebob 74
spongebob 7/25/05
spongebob 7 hours later
spongebob 7 sins
spongebob 7 years later
spongebob 74 gif
spongebob 7 mile spank
spongebob 7 sins theory
7 deadly sins spongebob
7 hours later spongebob
7 years later spongebob
7 deadly sins spongebob theory
74 spongebob
7 mile spank line spongebob
7 days later spongebob
72 hours later spongebob
7/5/2005 spongebob
spongebob 8 hours later
spongebob 8 years later
spongebob 8 bit
spongebob 8 ball
spongebob 800 words
spongebob 8 hours later gif
spongebob 80s
spongebob 8 ball in nose
spongebob 8 ball meme
8 hours later spongebob
8 years later spongebob
8 bit spongebob
8 hours later spongebob gif
8 months later spongebob
8 days later spongebob
800 words spongebob
8 minutes later spongebob
80s spongebob
8 cylinders spongebob rehydrated
spongebob 9/11
spongebob 90s
spongebob 9 hours later
spongebob 99 hoodie
spongebob 9-5 meme
spongebob 9 years later
spongebob 9-5 gif
spongebob 9 months later
spongebob 90 degree angle
9 hours later spongebob
9 years later spongebob
9 months later spongebob
90s spongebob
9/11 spongebob meme
9/11 spongebob
90 minutes later spongebob
9 hours later spongebob gif
9 days later spongebob
9 hours later spongebob meme
​
​

My friends who's a carpenter, suggested installing replacement windows because we're on a budget and we don't have much time on our hands to rip all of our siding off to install new construction style windows.. two toddlers in the house and the windows need to be replaced because they're already cracked and disgusting anyway. My problem is I cannot find "replacement" windows for the size I need. How the hell do I order ( 37 1/2 W)( 56 1/2 H) I will do the installation myself.

Hey y’all,
I’m sure everyone’s alllllways asking about this, but oh well.
I grew up in the foothills of the ADKs, and have done plenty of hiking up there—mostly within the West Canada Lake Wilderness and around the Northern Sacandaga Lake/Lake George area. I’ve been out of the game for a while, especially since my friend and closest hiking partner moved away. In her absence I got out to the pacific west coast, and have pit-puttered around the Catskills (so I haven’t been completely celibate). But now she’s moving back!!!!! We were reflecting on some of our more challenging hikes together (getting lost along the Sacandaga River, dodging rattle snakes on the Tongue Mountain Range, hiking Snowy Mountain in the rain, ripping my hands up on the summit of Wright Peak, questioning why we keep hiking Hadley because it’s an absolute bear…. Anyway, long story long, we started talking about doing Marcy. From what I have read, it’s the length that is challenging, rather than the climb; this idea was sparked by a comment I read here starting that “Hadley Hill is more difficult than Marcy”, which I found so funny because we would take field trips to Hadley when I was in school… but it is a friggen difficult climb. Short, but it’s a pain.
So, is this all true??? Is Marcy actually doable for us?! We’re looking to do it in September so that we can be prepared, and so all the black flies and other blood sucking pests are gone. What should we know? Should we split it up and camp out for a night, or is it better to do it in one day? (Tongue Mountain Range in Lake George is about 16 miles, and we did that in 10 hours) Are we allowed to build a fire as long as we’re below 4000’? Is there scrambling? Are there any dangerous parts to know about? I wanna know everything!

Hey guys. Just wondering if there’s any resonance with my situation. Would love to hear some advice.
I have three kids and one is special needs. My STBXW and I are still in the same house, and I’m preparing to move out, looking for a home near them so that I can be the father I want to be.
Sadly my other two kids have claimed I’m playing favorites because of the extra attention that the special needs child gets. They are gray walling me, responding at most with one word answers. Come to think of it I don’t think they’ve ever responded to my “I love you”s in about 8 years. Just “yeah” or “OK”.
They’re 14 and 12 so I know it’s that time. But they’ve been doing this for years and it’s freaking killing me. Their mother gets I love you’s all the time.
I’m not perfect, but I’m trying my best to be a good father. I’ve been alternately more stern than my STBXW, simply to set the expectations for their future and social health. I’ve tried lowering my expectations as well, for an extended time to no avail.
One of them has already lost good friends due to perceived poor intentions. I don’t think it’s just me, but I feel like I’ve failed 100% as a father.
I’m afraid I’ll become even more estranged after the divorce and there’s nothing I can do.
I wrote them a poem today telling them I love them all the same. Not confident in the outcome.

OMORI's my time is for Sunny, that is quite literally canon
Kikuo's is for Kel because it conveys a certain sense of happiness mixed with chaos with undertones of a repressed sadness. Despite the fact that Kel is the most interacted with RW character, the effect of Mari's death on him is expressed the least.
SOOOO's my time matches Basil and the overwhelming power of his guilt and fear. Sunny promised him that they would be there to help each other, but he left. How could he do such a thing? No matter how many times Basil told himself everything was going to be okay, it didn't bring Sunny back. These feelings rip poor Basil apart from the inside out, leaving the truth to rot what remained of his sanity.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2M9-mhVtrM0&list=PLN4QtTEuvFqrlgcnx5xIS68xbplwtrNxY&index=7 :This one should be Aubrey's my time. It starts innocent and childish, then breaks down into a spiraling pit of broken memories. It doesn't convey the same rage that SOOOO's does, but Aubrey's anger isn't really conveyed that way. While she is very angry at her friends for abandoning her, she doesn't express it directly, which is why portraying instrumentally works better for her character.
I'm still looking for one that fits Hero, and I'll update this when I find one. Edit: I think Tunnelberg's cover fits Hero best, as it portrays the chaotic guilt he felt (since he thought HE was responsible for Mari's death) while also mixing in flatter lyrics (which can represent the void Mari made). It fits how Hero filled every waking moment with studies to keep himself from remembering Mari, and how when he does everything falls apart and he breaks down. If you ask me, this song sounds recovered. I think that while the impact of Mari's death impacted Hero the most (of the three who didn't know the truth, of course), he recovered the best. That's what this song feels like... recovered, but never the same.
https://preview.redd.it/5ne6iwddka0d1.png?width=103&format=png&auto=webp&s=53421a9055f615cf549edc09213c2fb6df9c7f87

This might be the end
So yesterday was Mother’s Day and it went horribly. WH and I got into an argument Friday evening, I literally just told him I’m not doing this tonight and rolled over and went to sleep. Hoping he would show remorse and love the next morning.
The next day was a busy outing with our middle son and his friends for his bday, at an amusement park (tickets were already purchased, otherwise I would have just chosen not to join them) it was a LONG cold shitty day, with WH and I either not speaking or fighting while kids were on rides, but hey at least my kid had a great day with his friends. We didn’t get home until 10pm and immediately went into fighting, I walked away and slept elsewhere until 3am after being too cold and uncomfortable.
The next morning was Mother’s Day- the first Mother’s Day I experienced since losing my own mother. I was given the silent treatment all day. Not a word, not any gesture of love or support (as I was really struggling dealing with feelings of my mother) I went to pick up my other kids and have breakfast with my father, and while I was gone he did go grab some $12 ugly grocery store flowers around the corner (but never said a single word about them or presented them to me, they were just on the table when I got home) I’m not big on gifts and would have much much preferred quality time or a nice card, plus we are beyond broke right now.
I spent the entire day cleaning and doing laundry and listening to my kids scream at each other while he spent the entire day working in the yard. By 9pm we finally got all the kids to bed and I thought he would finally want to have a conversation with me or at the very least apologize and try to move on. He ended up calling his mom and talking to her until 10pm, while I bawled my eyes out in bed.
By the time he came to bed I had absolutely had enough and just lost it. I ripped into him for an hour, not even fully angry and rage filled… just so beyond defeated and hurt and so so so so done. It’s like I had an epiphany where I just said “no more. I’m not willing to spend anymore of my life with this awful human” I ranted and I bawled and I eventually just cried myself to sleep and we haven’t spoken a word to each other since. I said some really brutal things but it was so important for me to make it clear to him that I’m not putting up with this bullshit anymore. He cried and just said how sorry he was and how he wished he was a better man, but like how can I possibly believe that’s true? If you are sorry and want to change then why aren’t you doing it?! I just feel so stupid and so defeated at this point. We are 18 months post Dday and he just keeps proving how little I mean to him and that he’s not willing to put even the bare minimum into me and our family.

Hi friends,
Readers beware, this is a long one. I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Advice? Words of encouragement for a depressed teacher? Or just survival tips. Honestly, I appreciate any input.
I’m a kindergarten teacher with a class of 20. Of the 20, 5 are on behavior plans. Since returning from spring break, one of my behavior students has been continually getting worse.
He will throw items, rip things, and destroy things throughout the classroom. He has been hitting other students at recess and lunch, wandering out of the classroom without my knowledge, and taking things that belong to other students and destroying them.
Since returning from spring break, this has been happening daily. He wanders around the room and will destroy anything in his path. If a child tries to intervene and stop him (before I can get to him), he will try to hit the child. One day, when I had a sub, he took a whiteboard and hit 3 students in the head with it.
Today, the student hit a few students out of anger on the playground. His recess monitor took him to the principals office afterwards. His recess monitor told me that he had been hitting students at lunch and recess. For wherever reason, the admin was not aware that he had hit other students. She ended up dropping him off in my room and about 5minutes later then, he started to rip apart one of his books and throw it.
My school has aba support. I am so thankful for them and they have done so much to help. Aba has told me that when this behavior occurs I can page them for help, especially because sometimes he begins to escalate and get violent. So, I paged for help from them. Before they could get to me, the same AP that just had him in her office comes in. Immediately asking what the trigger was, I replied by saying I asked him to get his journal (that was it). Then, aba came in. I explained the situation and tried to tell the AP about what the recess monitor had shared with me, but she cut me off by saying, “excuse me! I am talking to her right now”, I tried to add in again what the recess monitor had shared with me and continued to raise her voice at me.
I felt attacked. My admin is horrible and part of the reason I am leaving my horrid school district. I’ve never felt supported by them, they will talk about me negatively, and are horrible people. This incident was the cherry on top of the cake.
Someone please give me words of advice on how to survive the rest of the year. I go until mid June. I’m falling apart. I don’t know what to do with this behavior kid and I do not feel comfortable reaching out to admin. A coworker suggested that I have a meeting with this admin to discuss this interaction today, but is it even worth it?

Okay Reddit. I need your help identifying a candy I had but can’t remember the name. I need to know if I’m crazy and made this candy up or if it’s real. Anytime I mention it to friends, they act like I’m crazy. This candy I had in the late 80s possibly early 90s around Ky or TN. It was candy that was slightly crunchy like nerds but after you chewed it for a bit it turned to gum. It was kinda like a nerds rip-off in its presentation and boxing. It had two sides, one for each flavor, a red side and a purple side (similar to nerds boxes) and its box was yellow. DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NAME PF THIS CANDY!? I’ve been trying to remember it for 30 years? Please help Reddit! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Shyla received her wings on Dec 19th 2023. She was 12 yrs old. I am so grateful she shared her life with me..She came into my life when i was going through a very tough time, i was alone and had to make some serious life changes if i wanted to live a decent life. She was definitely not a friendly to strangers, she tolerated family members, but she was very affectionate to me, which made our bond even more special. She was a cuddler, a kneader, and could play fetch, although at 3yrs old point she started swallowing the hair ties and i paid a good $4000 in emergency surgery, and worth every penny. She was there when i got married, slept between my wife and i, when the babies came, she made room for them on the bed but came back when they left. She beat up the dogs, and if the kids got a little too much she put them in their place. She was a queen ruling her kingdom. This past october our 4 yr old labradoodle odie had trouble breathing and i took him to the vet they said he had a growth and that it was cancer. They drained it and put him on steroids, and they said that he wouldnt be around in a couple months but confirmation will come in a week when the biopsy results come back. It was a rough week, and slept next to our little overweight odie. Then i started noticing shyla's weight going down and she was already a small cat. She started walking without retracting her claws and she was getting sicker and sicker. Not eating and she stopped grooming herself. When the results came back for odie it was good news, there was no cancer, and i pretty much did everything but bury the poor fella. He was overweight and i let him eat everything he wanted in that week. But poor shyla they said she had FIP, i started giving her the black market treatment but she wasnt getting better, she made it 8 weeks, and the day after the last vet visit she couldnt walk or stand. Some times when i reflect on her death, i feel like she passed away so Odie could live on..or it could have been one of life’s strange coincidences. I miss her, just like i miss my mom and just like i miss my dad. She was the sweetest little thing. Life is strange, it is always looking for payback, you cant experience love and hapiness without experiencing loss and sadness, and it is never easy. RIP shyla, i love you.

We broke up end of January. At the start I begged her and she ignored me and treated me like nothing. Finally I went NC about 5 weeks ago.
Anyways last week she sent me a message letting me know that she sent something to my parents and that it was nothing bad. I ignored the messaged, she called. I ignored it and then called again the next day.
Anyways today my parents got the letter. Basically it just goes into detail about how appreciative she was about them and how they treated her and welcomed them into the home and how she will always miss them even though it was "both of our choices to go on separate paths".
I feel like a wound ripped open. We dated for almost 4 years and just out of the blue she decided to ghost me. Never once officially breaking up or saying anything. I feel like I became worthless. And everytime I attempted to rekindle us or get answers she would reject me.
This letter sure is good for my parents, but I think it's like she is trying to undermine me and erase the story I told of her so she walks away being liked. Because that's all she's ever cared about. To the point she threw away our relationship multiple times to do things with fear of being rejected by her friends.

Im just gonna keep typing and hope that things flow out, but I doubt any of it will make much sense. Im flawed, in more ways than one. Ive spent years trying to work on myself, becoming a good human, becoming more generous and kind, less temperamental and more compassionate. Ive had some very harsh opinions on others before, and ive treated many people badly over the course of the years. Im by no means a saint, im honestly just pathetic and I don’t know why im whining anymore.
I have my issues, things so deep I cannot begin to see the bottom of the pit. Ive bottled everything inside because its what I wanted; no one forced me to, no one encouraged me to, but im too stubborn to do what I know is right after I make my first stance.
Im not alone, but I am very lonely. Around 5 years ago I started to become everything that I hated: extroverted and social; likable really. Ive tried so hard to become what is most appealing to people, and it worked for as long as I can remember. Confidence, good looking, ripped and healthy, funny, social, charming, everything you can want in a friend or a human, ive worked towards it. I don’t spend a single night at home unless I want to. Im constantly surrounded by really good people. I have a beautiful girlfriend that is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Im on amazing terms with my exes, and I still thank the skies for having met them and learning what I learnt with them. Ive made amazing friends over the years, ive had a mix of good and bad, and I consider myself fortnute to be able to live this kind of life when others work much harder and suffer to obtain much less. The world is cruel and unfair, but not much to me. Im lucky at times, unlucky at others, ive been raised well and Im wary of new people. I come with the built-in problems, but nothing too severe like the lack of the love of either parent. Im surrounded by an amazing family and amazing people all around. I have close friends I can talk to things about, I think, and a girlfriend that laughs at everything I say. I often get complements on things I perform, be it sports, my looks, body, or skills like playing the piano and others that ive spent so much time trying to learn. Ive worked on myself over the past while, and it paid off; people like me, and I got what I wanted. I proved to myself that my introversion wasn’t mandatory, it was by choice. I’ve always been terrified of being lonely, and yet I find myself here. Its like everything I did was for everyone else, not for myself, even though this is what I chose and this is the life that I wanted. I know , I sound insane, like im gone too far in one direction and cannot come back from this, but nothing of the sort has happened. Im still starting my life, starting my career, professionally and academically. Im even doing very well on these fronts; I leave good impressions on most people that I meet, especially work-wise, and I don’t nearly have to work as hard to get the results needed for certain things… but
But im still lonely. Im still empty, im empty, im empty inside. I feel like there’s a whole world inside me that no one has seen, that I don’t want anyone to see. I don’t want to open up to any of the people that I know, even though ive done so in the past, and those around me are incredibly supportive of everything I do. Am I just insane? Am I imagining all those around me? Is any of it even real? Ive reached horrible points in my life before, mainly just the one time, but ive come so far since then, and that was truly rock bottom and ive survived it. For the longest time I thought that I had met my soulmate, a few of them even, people cut from the same cloth as me, people that understood who I am and what I wanted with life, and they happened to be of the sex that I prefer, which made for an even stronger emotional bond because of other factors.
I think ive just always been sad, and ive always found something to blame it on. Maybe it was the lack of friends, the lack of a partner, the lack of a gaming group, the lack of a career, the lack of a soulmate, the lack of ideas and new experiences, the lack of a wonderful sexual exploration of fantasies… the lack of myself. A character. A personality. Im not sure I know who I am anymore. Anywhere you throw me I fit. Anyway you throw me ill land on my feet. I adapt quickly, even if I hurt myself in the process. But who am I really? What have I become? Ive stuck to my values throughout my life, ive never done anything so bad that I definitely regret doing it and wouldn’t live through doing it again. Ive lived a safe life, but also very exciting. I was able to attain the kind of life that ive always dreamed of having. Being wary and safe but also partying and meeting strangers. Having my first kiss, having my first relationship, driving with friends in the open road at insane hours, watching the sun rise, throwing a big party at a rented villa. Im not sure what im missing. Ive looked into the bar being too low, and ive tried to make it higher, which is what im doing right now. I may lack an ultimate goal, but im not lost in life, I just lost who I am in the process of becoming this kind of “perfect” human. Ive made big promises to my family that I have kept, such as no smoking for example. I don’t have bad habits like drinking too much, or vaping. I don’t do things that put me at risk, im responsible with my money, and I treat others kindly for a while now.
I don’t know if I want someone. I don’t know if I want something. I know I am blessed, but I feel empty inside. Maybe this is a one time thing. Maybe I wake up tomorrow and I delete this because its too weird and embarrassing. Maybe those that I have met weren’t actually my soulmates. Maybe I just need to talk to someone. I honestly don’t know. I don’t have it all, but I have a lot, in me and in those around me, and I am forever grateful. Maybe I want to talk someone about something. Maybe I want to let me tears flow? Maybe I had issues I wasn’t aware of. I honestly don’t know, but right now, I know that je te laisserai des mots is a great song, and listening to things like this just makes me think that everything im living is a dream ill wake up from one day. Some day, maybe tomorrow. I don’t think im unappreciated. I think im just in a plane alone with no one around. I look around and theres no one I can see. I feel like my sould aches and hurts and cries for someone that isn’t there. I dream about people and chase them but I don’t know who they are or why. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Im fractured here, broken in other places. Everything ive done hasn’t fixed the pain inside me. Maybe I just want to talk to you. A friend, an ally, a soul.
I don’t know who you are, but I long for you. I miss you. Im in pain and I wait for the day we meet. You elude me, and happiness does too.

I’m in the market for a new PC as I’ve had this one since late 2020. My console player friend wants to upgrade to PC and I wanna sell him mine to help pay for mine. I don’t want to rip him off at all but I also don’t want to get swindled… I’m not SUPER into PC building as I bought this as a pre build(and will be buying another pre build) so any opinions are welcomed! How much should I charge him given the specs? I bought this build during the pandemic when prices were crazy so I’m aware I’ll be taking a significant loss so plz give me the most legit price you think of lol. It still runs fantastically and I’m able to play system intensive games such as COD no problem :) thank you!!
Intel core i9-9900k 3.60ghz
Ram 16.0 GB
Windows 10
NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3080
Motherboard MPG z390 gaming edge
NZXT fans throughout for airflow
Kraken X air pump cpu cooler
650 watt power supply

I’m in the market for a new PC as I’ve had this one since late 2020. My console player friend wants to upgrade to PC and I wanna sell him mine to help pay for mine. I don’t want to rip him off at all but I also don’t want to get swindled… I’m not SUPER into PC building as I bought this as a pre build(and will be buying another pre build) so any opinions are welcomed! How much should I charge him given the specs? I bought this build during the pandemic when prices were crazy so I’m aware I’ll be taking a significant loss so plz give me the most legit price you think of lol.
Intel core i9-9900k 3.60ghz
Ram 16.0 GB
Windows 10
NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3080
Motherboard MPG z390 gaming edge
NZXT fans throughout for airflow
Kraken X air pump cpu cooler
650 watt power supply

The Hanging Tree By John Westrick

The ball streaked towards little Jimmy Hanson, covering the distance uncomfortably fast. The scrawny boy two sizes too small with the aviator glasses, cringed out of the way. It landed directly where he had been standing, and like that the game ended.
“Damnit Jimmy, you're supposed to catch the ball not hide from it!” a fat kid with a glove on one hand cried.
A skinny boy with glasses turned from the pitcher's mound to look at Jimmy disdain clearly visible on his face, “This is the third run you’ve allowed, and you wonder why we never let you play with us. You’re dog shit! Actually, I apologize to all loads of shit out there, you’re even more useless. I’d prefer to have Roger Morris on our team and he can’t see a damn thing with those bug eyes.”
An easy-going boy with blonde shaggy hair and a confident smile strolled up to Jimmy, extending his hand to assist, and said, “Here let me help you up. After all, you're the best player on our team. MVP hands down. Come on boys, give him a cheer!”
The boys chanted Jimmy’s name in a mocking parade of triumph.
“I don’t need your help, David,” said Jimmy.
Dirt smeared and face growing hot, the embarrassed boy attempted to climb to his feet. The hand extended to help, struck lightning-fast, catching the smaller boy squarely in the chest. With a groan of pain, the dirty boy hit the ground for the second time that afternoon.
“Well, if I knew you liked to eat dirt so much, I never would’ve offered to help,” said David, a wolfish smile forming on the landscape of his face.
A chorus of cruel laughter echoed all around.
“I hate you David Baxly,” said the wheezing boy.
David looked at Jimmy with disgust, giving him a savage kick to his left kidney. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and die. I doubt even your family would miss you.”
The rest of the boys walked away leaving the bleeding Jimmy whimpering on the ground.
No longer crying from pain but seething anger, slowly he began to crawl to his feet. “I wish I could go somewhere else. Just pick up and move and never have to see those shitheads ever again,” said Jimmy speaking to no one in particular.
It was thoughts of revenge that occupied his mind, half-baked plans, he didn't have the courage to act upon. No matter, it wasn’t revenge he truly sought, but a friend. The idea of having people look at him and truly see him. Humiliation for David Baxly was just an added bonus.
The bloody boy was still fantasizing about these things, when he found himself staring at the intersection of Jackson and main street in the sleepy town of Brookhollow, Tennessee. Brookhollow is like many rural towns, so tiny that it doesn’t even appear on the map. There are 876 residents in the tight-knit community, according to the 2008 census. Main street boasts one general store, a gas station, the town hall, and Debbie’s Diner.
It was on the outside of the later building that he saw the missing sign of Jack Dunkin, a 12-year-old boy from a neighboring town a few miles to the west. Jack was from Polk, a slightly larger town and known rival to Brookhollow. Even though Jack was in the same grade as Jimmy, they had never met.
Jimmy looked at the picture and saw that the boy had been missing for nearly 3 months. He wondered how his mom would react if he was missing that long; he reached the conclusion that she probably wouldn’t even notice. Ever since she took that job at Debbie’s to pay for the remainder of her husband’s gambling debts, she was hardly even home.
She was gone when he woke and didn't come back too well after he was asleep. The only time Jimmy had any communication with Laura Hanson was on Sundays. Even this small exposure was tainted by the bone deep exhaustion. She may have been present, even so, she wasn't there. Laura wakes, eats, drinks, uses the bathroom; yet she isn't really living. She reminded the boy of those cheesy horror movies they sometimes play late at night. The walking dead.
As little as his interaction with Laura, at least she still lived in the ramshackle motorhome right off the main highway. His dad, if he even still qualified to be called that, left some time back, draining the joint bank account and leaving the two of them penniless. Jimmy didn’t even know where he stayed, let alone had a phone number for the bastard. A few years back he received a postcard from him. He was shelled up in some two-bit motel in the thriving city of Las Vegas. On the back of the card was a charming little note, it said, “Jimmy, I wish you could see the city. Maybe you could come out and visit. I’d love for you to come and hang with my friends. Ps. Could you have your mom send me some money, I’m in a little bit of trouble here.
This led to his first real fight with his mom. He was adamant on going and meeting his father, thinking that if he got to know him he could change him. Bring him back. His mom wanted nothing to do with the man, nor did she want her son to be hurt again. The argument got heated and words were exchanged. In the end, he stayed, but some things chafe over time. Things were never quite the same.
If the boy was honest with himself, he would have to admit there is no one in his life. He has no friends in school, there is no one waiting for him at home, and he is not a part of any extracurricular activities. He goes to school, comes home, does his homework, makes dinner for his mom, and goes to bed. It has never occurred to him that he is lonely, the fact is he has never known anything else.
Jimmy doesn’t actually live in Brookhollow, his house is about two miles north up highway 29. He lives outside of the school’s jurisdiction, so he is unable to take the bus. He walks to school every day. The walk is peaceful and he actually looks forward to it. The boy possesses an overactive imagination and gets lost in his fantasies. A little less today, his ribs ache with every step. But not even this inconvenience can ruin the solitary 2-mile trek back home. He makes no turns, highway 29 is main street. All he needs to do is walk straight and he will arrive at his house.
But he is not walking in rural Tennessee anymore. He is a pioneer exploring the Great Frontier. Native Americans and wolves stalk him at night, he must be aware of the dangers that lie beyond every turn. He can see his way through any situation with the help of his trusty companion and best friend, One-eyed Pete. Pete used to be an outlaw that robbed and cheated people, but changed his ways when Jimmy saved him from being hung on the hanging tree.
A shutter runs through his body every time he remembers the hanging tree. It’s the largest oak he had ever seen. He loves to climb trees but would never dream of climbing that one. It is twisted, not a single leaf on its branches. If evil was ever a location, it would be at the heart of that gnarled tree. Jimmy doesn’t like to think about it. It always seems to ruin his mood. Poison his mind. His fantasies always turn darker when he thinks of the oak.
Suddenly he is aware of exactly how alone he is. A full mile out from the safety of the town. No one is nearby. It’s just him, the trees, and his own tormented imagination. He wishes he wouldn’t have thought of that tree. He wishes he had a dad to pick him up from school, but there is no rescue for him. In Jimmy’s experience, heroes only exist in the story books.
“The hanging tree is in your mind, Jimmy, it isn't real,” he tells himself over and over as if to ward away evil. And why not? For that tree is most definitely evil, the hideous villain in an insidious plot.
In the primal portion of his mind, he senses danger. The same skittish feeling the antelope experiences shortly before the concealed lion pounces and feasts on flesh.
“Trees don’t eat little boys,” murmurs the frightened boy.
“Maybe so, yet that oak could hardly be classified in the same league as other trees,” responds his own treasonous thoughts.
The boy's mind splinters; warring factions jockeying for supremacy. Paranoia seizes him, inky black hands clawing the air out of his lungs. A young boy unaware of the inward mutiny happening amidst his own wits, completely left to his own demented imagination. Yet, the stakes of this adventure are a great deal higher than any he has yet to experience.
His mother was fond of telling him, “What you think, you become.”
A truly awful thought slinks into his mind unbidden. What if the stories his mind conjures could gain reality too? The thought overwhelms the boy. His eyes shift back and forth searching for threats. Jimmy’s senses are keen to his surroundings. Every twig snapping, a creature stalking. Every bush rustling, a hungry beast ready to devour. Yet, the petty fears of a child's tormented mind pales to the unearthly wrongness of the hanging tree.
“What if mom is right?” says the concerned boy to the emptiness. At this unwelcome thought the boy slams his eyes closed in a futile attempt to banish the horrific idea.
“The hanging tree isn’t real,” says Jimmy, knowing in his heart this isn’t true. In the back of his mind, the boy is certain that the moment he opens his eyes, he will see it. He will see the strands of rope dangling from the gnarled branches. He will smell the smell of decaying bodies. He will hear the creak of rope swaying gently in the cool breeze.
The boy doubles his efforts in a vain attempt to keep his eyes closed. He sees red due to the strain he is putting on his muscles. He hears the steady pulse of his blood rushing in his head. The boy also understands that all this effort is for naught. He must open his eyes at some point. Jealousy creeps into the boy’s heart. Envy for the man born without sight. For the boy understands the moment he sees, there will be no coming back.
The moment has come.
Jimmy can no longer keep his eyes shut. Seconds before his eyes fling open, he feels the gentle touch of someone's hand on his shoulder. This touch startles him, and the boy throws wide his eyes.
Sure enough a few hundred yards in front of him, stands the abomination. A lone tree on the top of a bald, scarred hill. Not a living thing to be seen. No vegetation growing on the hill, no squirrels scuttling about, just a great oak, standing; an obscene gesture to the god of this world. The only fruit of this tree the decaying flesh of dead men, and likewise, the only cup the curdled blood of those hanging. A final meal set for the boy, an unholy communion.
The hand, whose was it? Was it even human? The little boy left visibly shaking at the touch of the unknown. Is this death? The icy grip of the Reaper himself here to harvest with his scythe. No marriage, no children, not knowing the pleasures of true friendship. Life cut short, a lamentable state of affairs.
It was in this line of thought, where true courage was mustered. A strength measured not by the size of his muscles or the amount one could lift, but the more impressive type, the type quantified in the amount of shit one can wade. Identified in the amount of crap hands dealt without bowing out altogether. Young Jimmy Hanson did the unthinkable, he turned and faced death looking it in the eyes.
Eyes, yes, but death perhaps not. It was no titan of horror, nor was it the poster child of demented evil. Child it was, but this boy was familiar. Not anyone from his class, yet he knew the boy. In a moment of clarity, he recognized him. It was the missing kid, Jack Dunkin.
He looked identical to the poster on the side of Debbie’s Diner. He wore the same black and white Van’s tee shirt, ripped blue jeans, and some tattered Nike tennis shoes. The thoroughly terrified Jimmy stood staring at the missing boy, mouth ajar.
Jack with an easy-going grin plastered on his face, said, “It's about time, someone comes looking for me. I've been waiting for you Jimmy, far too long.”
With an audible click the boy shut his gaping mouth and responded, “Ja- Jack, you've been missing for nearly three months. Have you been out here all along? Are you alone? Are you hurt?” Jimmy fired these questions in rapid succession, growing more suspicious with each word.
“I’ve been right here, waiting for you to come and play with me. You see, I am like you. I never had anyone to play with either. Now you are here, and you must stay with me,” said the bigger boy with a smile on his face.
Jimmy’s mind quieted, for the first time in his life he saw himself clearly. A boy with no friends, no father, hardly a mother, bullied every day, and no way of escape. Clarity revealed the harsh truth. A day had not gone by that he wasn’t lonely. There was no one in his life. There was no life for him.
The undersized boy looked at the other with longing in his eyes. He thirsted for a friend, like a man lost at sea. He hungered for companionship, like a man stuck in the wilderness. It wasn’t just a desire; he was desperate for a friend. If the bigger boy would leave, Jimmy felt as if his soul would tear in half. His heart would shatter into a thousand pieces unable to be put back together. The boys' eyes were a mirror reflecting the same sad truth, they understood each other. Both had lived, and neither had anyone to share it with.
The boys bound by shared hardships grasped onto each other refusing to let go. The combined burden of loneliness lessened by two backs, instead of one.
With few words exchanged, the two of them created soul ties. Not the ties of lovers, but of lifelong friends. The type one dies for. The rare type of friendship that most people never form in their entire life. It was rich. It was wholesome. Jimmy felt as if his life was complete. The one thing he always desired truly fulfilled.
Jack grabbed the smaller boy’s hand and guided him towards the tree.
Jimmy, not wanting to get anywhere near that monstrosity, tried to pull back.
“Don’t worry. The tree is a good place. It will take us to a new land filled with boys and girls just like you and I. No David’s or bullies like him,” said a smiling Jack.
“How did you know about David? You’ve been missing all this time,” said a concerned looking Jimmy.
“Jimmy, I hear whispers. My friends tell me things. They will tell you secrets too. If you want to be friends with me, that is.” The bigger boy looked down at his ragged shoes. He looked so pitiful and Jimmy was so starved for companionship, how could he not follow the boy.
Jack led the two of them to the scarred trunk of the tree. Here he let go of Jimmy’s hand, telling the boy, “Do exactly what I do.”
Jimmy’s fear bottled up deep in his guts. He felt as if he was going to explode. The tree was sinister and twisted. Evil through and through. Yet, the little boy had never had a friend. He was not willing to throw that away so easily.
Jack walked to the lowest hanging branch. He reached up and grabbed one of the dangling nooses. He wrapped it around his neck and looked at Jimmy. “Don’t worry, no pain is felt. The hanging tree is magic. You’ll close your eyes on this world, and wake up in a better place with me and all of my friends,” said a smiling Jack.
“Ja-Jack, I don’t think I can do this. It seems dangerous. I need to go back home soon. My mom will be waiting for me,” said a terrified Jimmy.
A heartbroken Jack looked at the smaller boy and said, “Jimmy, I can’t believe you would lie to me. Your mom isn’t home and she wouldn’t even notice that you are missing. Come with me. I am the only one who cares for you.”
Tears streaming down the smaller boy’s face, he responded, “Please don’t make me do it! This place frightens me. Can’t you just come home with me?”
“No! This world despises people like you and me. We weren’t made for it. We were made for the hanging tree. This is where you belong,” snarled the bigger boy.
Jimmy, eyes still running, reached with trembling hands for the dangling noose. He seized it. With one final glance at his friend, the little boy placed the loop around his neck. Immediately the noose drew tight. It felt as if the tree was hauling him up by it. The boy kicked and squirmed. Trying to shout for help, but his airflow was cut off. He managed to make a choking noise, then with one final twitch all was still. Still as the glassy surface of a lake on a spring day.
Little Jimmy Hanson had finally made a friend.
The two boys remained dangling together, gently swaying in the stale autumn breeze.

I am trying to create a West March style sandbox with the idea that of pushing back "corruption." My friends and I really really enjoyed Firefall (rip) where you pushed back the Meld in order to gather resources. Other inspiration is pushing through the Mist that separates the Domains of Dread; pushing through the Unsea in Shadow and Bone; pushing back the corruption in New World; pushing back the the veil in Age of Darkness: Final Stand; pushing through the Delerium fog in Dungeons of Drakkenhein. I have hopefully provided an example here that you can latch onto.
I am trying to create a compelling mechanic where it feels like the players are pushing through this corruption. The more difficult part is creating it on a temporary time scale where the corruption is only temporarily held at bay. For instance a torch only holds the darkness back for so long. If you have other ideas for a more permanent push back of corruption, I am all ears too! Is there anything out there that captures that feeling? Or do you have any ideas on how this could be done? Thank you in advance!

Unreleased ids - [ ] Masšh & Adam Port feat. Ninae - All I Got (Original Mix) - [ ] Antdot & Maz - Corpo e Canção - [ ] Minha Prece (Soldera & Crazt Remix) - [ ] Tough Love (Betical Remix) - [ ] Antony P X Julie - Welcome To The Diamond Aura (C.Sorrentino & Tom S) - [ ] KIKO FRANCO feat. Moser Dyve - Last Night (Extended Mix) - [ ] Mayra Andrade - Terra da Saudade (Tato Remix) - [ ] Pablo Fierro - Kababo (Unreleased Version) - [ ] Daughter Of The Sun - Ankhoi Remix - [ ] Vertigo (Carlita Remix) - ANOTR, Abel Balder - [ ] Rolling Arodes - [ ] Pontos de Exclamação (VXSION Remix) - [ ] Marasi - Opera (Original Mix) - [ ] Nostalgia - Smack That - [ ] O Amor Te Dá - VXSION & Sone - [ ] Kimotion - SHIK SHAK SHOK (master 2) - [ ] Adieu X Amana (Maz Unreleased) (RBY edit) - [ ] Donna Summer - I Feel Love (VXSION Edit). - [ ] VXSION - Ouakam - [ ] VXSION - Walking on a Dream - [ ] Maz & Antdot featuring Jéssica Gaspar - Brisa [Sounds Huge V3 24 44] - [ ] Choplife Soundsystem & Mr. Eazi & Ami Faku - Wena (Maz (BR) Remix) - [ ] Maz (BR) x Stromae - Povoada x Alors On Danse (Flex Diamond Edit) - [ ] Curol, VXSION - I Really Love (Extended) [Nature Recordings] - [ ] Phonique - BAKKA(BR) - Guaraná (Original Mix) - [ ] TE AMO - LAZARE EDIT - [ ] Bun Xapa - Thibang Thibang - [ ] Bakka (BR), Berimbouse - A Hora é Agora Ft. Rafa (Original Mix) - [ ] Father Stretch - CS Remix - [ ] Davido - FEEL (Raffa Guido Remix) Master - [ ] Bobby Caldwell - What You Won't Do For Love (VICTHOR Remix) - [ ] Michael Jackson - Beat it (Shimza Remix) - [ ] Milky Chance - Stolen Dance (VXSION Extended Remix) V5 - [ ] Nick Morgan - Take My Heart - [ ] Candi Staton - Hallelujah Anyway (Larse VIP Edit) - [ ] Viva La Vida (Choujaa & Epsylon Remix) - [ ] Moojo - I Want Your Soul - [ ] Do For Love (Moojo & REMIND)) - [ ] Malive, Luiza Gogoia, Morgado - Quintal - [ ] Classy 101 - Maz & VXSION - [ ] A kele nat - &friends - [ ] Beach house - Marten Lou - [ ] La travesia - Samm touch - [ ] Where r u now - &friends remix - [ ] Jackie Brown - &friends remix - [ ] Downstream - Lazare - [ ] 7 Days (Alex Wann X Sparrow & Barbossa Remix) - [ ] Moojo ft Gabsy - Ze Roberto v final - [ ] Moojo, AWEN - Giant (Unreleased) - [ ] Ilanga - &ME (Unreleased) - [ ] Busta, Black Coffee - Mamakusa - [ ] Maz - Ndaciii - [ ] Maz - Emoriô - [ ] 6A 123 Donna Summer - I Feel Love (VXSION Edit). - [ ] Pippi Ciez - Sinnerman (Original Mix V1A) - [ ] Moojo , Carlita - Havana MASTER - [ ] Solomun - Never Sleep Again (Keinemusik Remix) - [ ] 04 AMERICAN BOY (BETICAL EDIT) - [ ] Nitefreak-Ezizweni - [ ] Moojo - Lisboa ( MIX MASTER VERSION ) - [ ] Rui Da Silva - Touch Me (Peace Control Remix) - [ ] Eran Hersh & Marasi - Sweet Dreams - [ ] &Me - Slaves - [ ] Black Coffee - Juju (Chaleee & Sammi Ferrer Escalation Remix) - [ ] Drake Feat Black Coffee - Get It Together (Samson Remix) - [ ] Simian Mobile Disco, Deep Throat Choir, &ME - Caught In A Wave (&ME Remix) - [ ] Toto - Africa (Rampa Edit) - [ ] Billie Eillish - Everything I Wanted (Marten Lou Remix) - [ ] Ikerfoxx (ES) - Superstar [V2] - [ ] Rihanna - Take Care (Moojo Nissa La Bella Edit) - [ ] Nightcall - Arodes - [ ] Sade - Kiss Of Life ( Peace Control Remix ) - [ ] Ivyson - Girassol (Tato Remix) - [ ] SOA - Vou Morar No Mar (Tato Remix) - [ ] Armandinho - Outra Vida (Moser Edit) - [ ] Moojo - Ms. Jackson - [ ] Home - CamelPhat (Samm Ajna Remix) - [ ] Caiiro & Moojo - Here We Are - [ ] Bottom - Mano, Ajna - [ ] Moon J, Nani - Quema - [ ] Yawanawa Sina Vaishu - Alok ( Maz Remix ) - [ ] Essamina - Victor Alc - [ ] Boogie Gasoline - Mochakk - [ ] Sawa Sawaa - Rampa, Msaki - [ ] Lana Del Rey - Video Games (Joris Voorn Edit) - [ ] Pippi Ciez - Sinnerman (Original Mix V1A - [ ] Wena - Maz Remix - [ ] KURA - Sentir Saudade (GUAPO & Antdot Remix) - [ ] Beyond Us(Alex Wann Remix) - [ ] Holy Ghost (SANTIAGO & THE KiDDO EXTENDED EDIT) - [ ] Bob Marley - Is This Love (DSF's Believe In U Edit) - [ ] Caiiro - Son Of Mar MP3 RIP2024 - [ ] Bo Bom - Moeaike - [ ] Manu Chao - Me Gustas Tu (Adam Valey, LALISA Edit) - [ ] In and Out of Love (Rivo Remix) - [ ] Would I Lie - [ ] Maz & VXSION feat. Temper Trap - Amana's Sweet Disposition (Claes Sommer Private Edit) - [ ] Chris Baker - Ride (Mind Against Remix) - [ ] Hoax (BE) x Hoodia - Dune (Paul's Dream) - [ ] GO LOW RAMPA EDIT - [ ] ǍSIR (BR) - Artemas - I Like The Way You Kiss Me - [ ] &friends, Joseph (CH) - Jackie Brown - [ ] Miracle (&ME edit) RIP - [ ] Palane & Badbwoy - Les Saints (Extended Mix) - [ ] Ajna & Nomvula SA - Astro (FINAL) - [ ] Phill Collins - In The Air Tonight (Marasi Edit) - [ ] Peaty, Soldera - Niafunke - [ ] Pull Out The Fire - Kashovski - [ ] Nico & Vinz - Am I Wrong (Bask & Sabo Limit Edit) - [ ] Tal Fussman - North - [ ] Cut It For Me - &ME - [ ] Skepta - Bullet From A Gun (Colyn Private Edit) - [ ] Paradise - Samm - [ ] Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence (Will Clarke Remix)

Unreleased ids - [ ] Masšh & Adam Port feat. Ninae - All I Got (Original Mix) - [ ] Antdot & Maz - Corpo e Canção - [ ] Minha Prece (Soldera & Crazt Remix) - [ ] Tough Love (Betical Remix) - [ ] Antony P X Julie - Welcome To The Diamond Aura (C.Sorrentino & Tom S) - [ ] KIKO FRANCO feat. Moser Dyve - Last Night (Extended Mix) - [ ] Mayra Andrade - Terra da Saudade (Tato Remix) - [ ] Pablo Fierro - Kababo (Unreleased Version) - [ ] Daughter Of The Sun - Ankhoi Remix - [ ] Vertigo (Carlita Remix) - ANOTR, Abel Balder - [ ] Rolling Arodes - [ ] Pontos de Exclamação (VXSION Remix) - [ ] Marasi - Opera (Original Mix) - [ ] Nostalgia - Smack That - [ ] O Amor Te Dá - VXSION & Sone - [ ] Kimotion - SHIK SHAK SHOK (master 2) - [ ] Adieu X Amana (Maz Unreleased) (RBY edit) - [ ] Donna Summer - I Feel Love (VXSION Edit). - [ ] VXSION - Ouakam - [ ] VXSION - Walking on a Dream - [ ] Maz & Antdot featuring Jéssica Gaspar - Brisa [Sounds Huge V3 24 44] - [ ] Choplife Soundsystem & Mr. Eazi & Ami Faku - Wena (Maz (BR) Remix) - [ ] Maz (BR) x Stromae - Povoada x Alors On Danse (Flex Diamond Edit) - [ ] Curol, VXSION - I Really Love (Extended) [Nature Recordings] - [ ] Phonique - BAKKA(BR) - Guaraná (Original Mix) - [ ] TE AMO - LAZARE EDIT - [ ] Bun Xapa - Thibang Thibang - [ ] Bakka (BR), Berimbouse - A Hora é Agora Ft. Rafa (Original Mix) - [ ] Father Stretch - CS Remix - [ ] Davido - FEEL (Raffa Guido Remix) Master - [ ] Bobby Caldwell - What You Won't Do For Love (VICTHOR Remix) - [ ] Michael Jackson - Beat it (Shimza Remix) - [ ] Milky Chance - Stolen Dance (VXSION Extended Remix) V5 - [ ] Nick Morgan - Take My Heart - [ ] Candi Staton - Hallelujah Anyway (Larse VIP Edit) - [ ] Viva La Vida (Choujaa & Epsylon Remix) - [ ] Moojo - I Want Your Soul - [ ] Do For Love (Moojo & REMIND)) - [ ] Malive, Luiza Gogoia, Morgado - Quintal - [ ] Classy 101 - Maz & VXSION - [ ] A kele nat - &friends - [ ] Beach house - Marten Lou - [ ] La travesia - Samm touch - [ ] Where r u now - &friends remix - [ ] Jackie Brown - &friends remix - [ ] Downstream - Lazare - [ ] 7 Days (Alex Wann X Sparrow & Barbossa Remix) - [ ] Moojo ft Gabsy - Ze Roberto v final - [ ] Moojo, AWEN - Giant (Unreleased) - [ ] Ilanga - &ME (Unreleased) - [ ] Busta, Black Coffee - Mamakusa - [ ] Maz - Ndaciii - [ ] Maz - Emoriô - [ ] 6A 123 Donna Summer - I Feel Love (VXSION Edit). - [ ] Pippi Ciez - Sinnerman (Original Mix V1A) - [ ] Moojo , Carlita - Havana MASTER - [ ] Solomun - Never Sleep Again (Keinemusik Remix) - [ ] 04 AMERICAN BOY (BETICAL EDIT) - [ ] Nitefreak-Ezizweni - [ ] Moojo - Lisboa ( MIX MASTER VERSION ) - [ ] Rui Da Silva - Touch Me (Peace Control Remix) - [ ] Eran Hersh & Marasi - Sweet Dreams - [ ] &Me - Slaves - [ ] Black Coffee - Juju (Chaleee & Sammi Ferrer Escalation Remix) - [ ] Drake Feat Black Coffee - Get It Together (Samson Remix) - [ ] Simian Mobile Disco, Deep Throat Choir, &ME - Caught In A Wave (&ME Remix) - [ ] Toto - Africa (Rampa Edit) - [ ] Billie Eillish - Everything I Wanted (Marten Lou Remix) - [ ] Ikerfoxx (ES) - Superstar [V2] - [ ] Rihanna - Take Care (Moojo Nissa La Bella Edit) - [ ] Nightcall - Arodes - [ ] Sade - Kiss Of Life ( Peace Control Remix ) - [ ] Ivyson - Girassol (Tato Remix) - [ ] SOA - Vou Morar No Mar (Tato Remix) - [ ] Armandinho - Outra Vida (Moser Edit) - [ ] Moojo - Ms. Jackson - [ ] Home - CamelPhat (Samm Ajna Remix) - [ ] Caiiro & Moojo - Here We Are - [ ] Bottom - Mano, Ajna - [ ] Moon J, Nani - Quema - [ ] Yawanawa Sina Vaishu - Alok ( Maz Remix ) - [ ] Essamina - Victor Alc - [ ] Boogie Gasoline - Mochakk - [ ] Sawa Sawaa - Rampa, Msaki - [ ] Lana Del Rey - Video Games (Joris Voorn Edit) - [ ] Pippi Ciez - Sinnerman (Original Mix V1A - [ ] Wena - Maz Remix - [ ] KURA - Sentir Saudade (GUAPO & Antdot Remix) - [ ] Beyond Us(Alex Wann Remix) - [ ] Holy Ghost (SANTIAGO & THE KiDDO EXTENDED EDIT) - [ ] Bob Marley - Is This Love (DSF's Believe In U Edit) - [ ] Caiiro - Son Of Mar MP3 RIP2024 - [ ] Bo Bom - Moeaike - [ ] Manu Chao - Me Gustas Tu (Adam Valey, LALISA Edit) - [ ] In and Out of Love (Rivo Remix) - [ ] Would I Lie - [ ] Maz & VXSION feat. Temper Trap - Amana's Sweet Disposition (Claes Sommer Private Edit) - [ ] Chris Baker - Ride (Mind Against Remix) - [ ] Hoax (BE) x Hoodia - Dune (Paul's Dream) - [ ] GO LOW RAMPA EDIT - [ ] ǍSIR (BR) - Artemas - I Like The Way You Kiss Me - [ ] &friends, Joseph (CH) - Jackie Brown - [ ] Miracle (&ME edit) RIP - [ ] Palane & Badbwoy - Les Saints (Extended Mix) - [ ] Ajna & Nomvula SA - Astro (FINAL) - [ ] Phill Collins - In The Air Tonight (Marasi Edit) - [ ] Peaty, Soldera - Niafunke - [ ] Pull Out The Fire - Kashovski - [ ] Nico & Vinz - Am I Wrong (Bask & Sabo Limit Edit) - [ ] Tal Fussman - North - [ ] Cut It For Me - &ME - [ ] Skepta - Bullet From A Gun (Colyn Private Edit) - [ ] Paradise - Samm - [ ] Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence (Will Clarke Remix)

Okay, fourth rewrite, I'm making this in hopes that their is someone who can help me in some way. Maybe someone knows the answer to it all and can guide me, though unlikely. I'll just list out all my issues in seperate paragraphs and hopefully their is just someone out their to help, if you can help me just please do, I really need help or at least someone and you reading this and giving me advice would truly mean a lot to me. Anyways
I feel stupid: I honestly feel braindead, I hate my mind so much. Sometimes it's hard to think or do, sometimes I can't think or do. My mind is so numb, everything about my mind just feels wrong and dead. My mind has felt dead for a year or two now and I just wish it was alive, I want my mind to be normol, I want it to actually work. I also want confidence in my mind, any failure or lack of underatanding makes me defeated and feeling like a dunce. Anything I can do I say was just luck or something anyone should know. I don't know if I'm stupid or not but dam I feel like I am the dumbest in a room. I would give it all to be intelliegent, I wish I was smart, well read, well informed, well versed. I so desperately want to know, so desperately want to be smart. I wish I could understand stuff. I just want to be smart and have a bright alive mind, but my mind is so dead and desolate and compared to the rest worthless. I hit myself in my head whenever I'm mistaken or just feel so stupid, and I honestly deserve it. If I were to kill myself my mind being numb and stupid would be the reason or a big reason why, I just want to be smart. You can likely tell just how much of an idiot I am by reading this via grammer, spelling, complaints. That "likely" was meant to be "probaboly" but I'm just stupid and worthless to spell. If there was just a way to be smart and not such a moron, I fucking hate my life.
I have body issues: I without doubt have body issues, the biggest of which is my weight. As of now I am 5,9 (1.7M) and 211lbs (95.7KG), I was 246lbs (111kg) to begin with and it was also my heaviest. Despite losing a good amount of weight I am not happy and have no pride, I'm still fat and thats all I see sadly. I don't want to be fat or skinny, I want to be muscular:big arms, built chest, flat stomach, no abs (don't like them) that sounds appealing, it's what I want. Unfourtunely I as of now can't work to this goal, I don't have money for a gym or equipment, famliy funds can't do it ethier and awhile ago I turned down a weight bench since I wasn't confident, now I regret that choice. I hate being fat so much, and this deep hatred and desperation has led to a embarassing cycle, for two years now I have been downloading images of muscular bodies. They're all drawings or from videogames since I'm to embarresed to have real images and as mentioned it's a cycle, Download and store -> have them and look at them for awhile -> get ashamed of myself -> purge it all -> regret -> repeat. Like stated this has been going for two years and as of now I have ten different images. Apart from weight I also have some other physical insecurites, acne being a big one. I been suffering from acne for years, fifth grade, early sixth grade is when it started so five years of this. It mostly effects my chin and cheeks badly but also effects more of my face, sometimes the acne hurts and it often even bleeds. I hate touching my face and feeling grime and ripping off a bunch of skin and dried shit. I wash every night and try to be frequent with morning witch-hazel but it dosen't relent. I also hate it when it gets mentioned, it is irratating to be reminded and noticed and nobody points it out more then my own mom who also cliams it would go if I just washed. I do, I fucking do! It's not working and you don't understand that! I also have body acne I don't know how to fix, I like sleeping shirtless which I know is the reason, also inconsistent with bedding which isn't right. Even if I did wash sheets weekly it wouldn't be enough, I would still get acne on my body. I just want to sleep shirtless and not get acne, I wish I could find a way. Another insecurite but not really is my height, I don't mind being 5'9/5'10 I mean it's about average height and I beat out my 5'4 father. But I'm sixteen which mean I still have possibilty to get taller and I wonder, will I? If I do, just how tall? Could I reach 6'0+? All of this speculation makes me a bit insecure, also with being fat I look short and round in the mirror which is defeating. I'm secure besides speculation and weight but at the same time I truly want to be taller, I think any man tall or short wishes they were taller, I wish I could break 6'0 that would be cool (to me). But I don't think that will ever happen, my dad is 5'4, my mom is 5'6 I made it 5'9/5'10 and my chart is stagnating, should just stop thinking I'll get taller. Another phsyical insecurite and likely the last one I'll mention unless I think of another worthwhile one is my hair, I'm insecurie of my hairstyle. Or lack of hairstyle, my mom says I have independence in this choice but whenever I make a choice she complains about it. Any agreement is one sided or changed up a little so she likes it. I have always hated my hairstyles over the years, even now and as of now it's ethier her way or a unorgainzied thick mess that will soon be her way. I hate it, wish I could make my own "independent" choice, even if I could my mom would likely hate it and always bring it up which is something I don't want to deal with. My mom is more for short cuts and fades etc, I hate fades and while I do admire short hair have always taken liking to shagger and longer styles, more rugged style. I have also always liked long hair and even wanted it. I used to openly want long hair for a long time but my mom opposed, I tried to convince her but she was opposed. She wasn't only opposed to it she made sure to express that it was gay and feminine etc, etc. She made me close off and forgot the desire but even now she won't let go. She is so sure to tell everyone: famliy, her friends, the hairdresser, hell maybe even strangers, she tells everyone about how much I wanted it and what she thought of it etc. Often I have been embarresed like this while I was right there, I have expressed that this embarreses me and want it to stop mutiple times yet she'll continue almost as if it's purposeful, she will also bring up an old friend T who had long hair as an example of it looking bad. But he didn't take care of it or do anything, most he would do is give into his moms begging and have her brush it. If I had long hair I would actually take care of it and do stuff to it! She also claims I got the idea from him, but no I liked it since elementary being inspired by personal inkling and rock. I no longer want hair but am starting to find styles I really like, but first I need to get my mom to fuck off. And second I would want to grow a beard, which is another issue of mine. I'm sixteen I shouldn't expect a full beard but I have seen peers with actual good facial hair, patchy beards, five o'clocks, some actually have a beard. Then there is me, with some sideburns and a bunch of peachfuzz, I want to be able to grow a beard and the peachfuzz plus sideburns bother me, I want it to actually devlop, I want a beard. I am also worried about devlopment, worried acne will hurt or even stop growth. I'm upset about my lack of growth though I definetly have unrealistic expectations. Lastly with hair is my chest hair, I'm quite hairy and I like it. And I have chest hair but barely and I just wish I had more over a greater coverage, more of a funny insecurite, lol. One more insecurity I forgot about is my voice. I'm loud when talking and my voice isn't as deep as I wish so that sucks.
(copy and paste from older write) I wish I had a father: I don't have a father or any form of father figure, I'm fatherless and it hurts a lot. My father has been out of my life since I was elevenish/twelveish (the peak of covid passed), we kicked him out because he is and was a meth addict in and out of the jail. He was a fuctioning addict so not violent and not as obvious of an addict but the meth still took him over. My mother says she kept him around and gave him so many chances because she wanted him to be in my life as a father. But he was no father when he was around, he didn't parent me, he didn't play his role as a father and guide as a masculine role model, hell he likely didn't even truly care for me. My only memories of him really are going to McDonold's with him, after which he dumpster dived behind the plaza as I begged for us to go back home. Or me wanting to bond with him so he sets up the brilliant idea of dragging me around with his skechy friends, to skechy places, even at skechy times. I don't understand why I knew sooner, guess I was a stupid basterd but I started picking up that my dad was a bad person around fifth grade. By then I quickly found out more and more and tenstion was growing, by eleven we we're going to kick him out but covid struck it's height and our household seemed palpable. But very quickly we said fuck it and threw him to the curb, we weren't going to have it no longer. Soon after around thirteen I was happy that he was gone but slightly disappointed that I no longer had a father (even if he was useless) and I hoped my mom would find someone, not only for herself but for me. By fourteen this really layed in heavy on me and the lack of a father really bummed me out, I got really stupid and desperate using bitlife to create guys then add me and my mom in to create step father famlies even adding step siblings and shit. By late fourteen it was made clear to me by my mom that "we don't need no man" and that she was done with dating. I very well do need a father figure, every child needs one. Hell I as a guy truly need(ed) one, there are so many lessons and things that come from a fatheson relationship that are crucial to a boy and I missed out on them. Hell even when my dad was around I missed out on lessons, I still remember he was tasked to teach me how to tie my shoes but got mad at me struggling and walked away. He refused to help afterward and I refused to try and never to this day learned the proper way to tie, instead I have my own far less efficent method. I missed out on so much by not having a father and it hurts to know that and I just wish I had the knowledge, without a masculine role model I have definetly missed out what it is to be a man and likely am even a loser of a man. I just want a father so badly, I want what a father provides so badly, I want the bond that it comes with. I wish I just had a guy to talk to and bond with, I want a dad just so badly. I wish I had someone who taught me how to change a tire or fish and all that shit, but I'll never have it and it angers me, I am angry to be fatherless, I am angry and lost without a father figure, and I'm jealous. I kind of want to have children when the time comes, I wonder if I'll fail them as well.
Friends: Growing up I was always a bit introverted, I think it was of my nature but was amplafied by life. In elementary I often acquainted myself with people never having any close friends outside my after school program. Jumping to middle school I had a good friend-group but it turned out my good friend T was really an ass and I was pushed out by him in early nineth grade. Later in nineth I met my good friend, my best friend M. This year in tenth I was introduced to a friend named D by M. These are my only two friends and I'm happy with them, though there are a few issues. Not anything major but just a few things, like how we never do anything outside of school. The only thing I really miss about my old friendgroup is that we actually did shit: springs, houses, events, parks, attractions, food. Now me, M and, D don't and have never done anything outside of school and the computer. M likely couldn't do anything because of his famliy and D just seems completely disinterested and worried about money. But I wish we could really do something, sure videogames are fun but it would be fun if we could just goof off somewhere, be stupid. This is really the only general "issue" apart from that no major strain or issue in the friendgroup. But I do have a few personal grievences, starting with D. I think D has a darker side of him, he seems to not respect or care for me and will sometimes show it in nasty ways. He had told both me and M to kill ourselves, he attacks insecurites, he says rude shit, etc. Also with D, we have never truly connected, never gotten to know each other personally. Without M we would be mere acquaintance, M is the only reason why me and D are friends and being alone with each other is mostly silence and maybe him showing me a TikTok. Then M, I have no personal issues with M only small factors of our friendship I'm upset or worried about. Starting off with is school, halfway through this year (tenth) M started a FLVS-hybrid. I am happy for him and it's something we both expressed wanting but now I never really see him. I could see him at lunch but he dosen't really come in and only other time I can see him is leaving campus. I ethier catch him and barely have a conversation worthwhile or he's to far ahead and I got to give up trying to reach him. The only way to talk to my best friend nowadays really is Discord, and that isn't even reliable since his parents are often controlling the WI-FI or taking his stuff away. This means when I do talk to my friend it can suddenly be ended as he disconnects or I can't even. This sucks, it feels like I can't even talk to my best friend that much. But that isn't all, because I'm worried for my friend M. His parents don't sound the best from all he's told me, I won't share his issues but just as an example he didn't have a bedroom for two months. Hearing what we gose through is alreadly dishearting but something that I worry deeply about is him talking sucide. He has talked and half joked about it several times and it's worry, I been trying to discourage but he continues with it so now I'm just trying to ignore it. That is likely the wrong way of handling it but I just don't know what to do. I hope it's always bluff and he moves out and moves on with he can, I don't want him to kill himself.
I'm lonely: I'm sixteen but I'm lonely. I am the only one of my friends who hasn't had a relationship, I am not the most worried about that, I don't want to date just to date, I want to date to love. But hell I still wish I had a relationship, even just a sterotypical high-school one. But what I truly want is true love, I want a woman I love with all my heart and a woman who loves me with all of hers, I want a woman to provide for, to protect, to matter to. I want to marry and possibly have kids. I want to love someone, be there for someone. But will I ever even have that? I'm alreadly a loser who no woman would want and even then from what I've heard, "modren dating is terrible" so what chance do I even have? Will I ever have someone to love? I hope.
School: School makes me so misereble and dead, this place makes me genuinely want to off myself I hate it so much. And it seems to revolve around my whole life, even at home it's all my mom wants to bring up. I just need a break from it all but it seems like it's the only thing in my life, I don't really have anything else. I failed my nineth grade year, I failed since I'm a stupid, worthless peice of shit. But they "passed" me onto tenth, gave me tenth grade classes, test, etc but say I'm still nineth, tell me do nineth grade "remedation" online. Now I'm failing like a worthless peice of shit once again! I wish they held me back to try again but they didn't they just pushed me on, still likely would've failed like a worthless bitch but I could have had a chance. I fucking hate myself I'm so stupid and I hate my school for pushing my stupid ass onward and onward, I should just kill myself at this point. And when I try to reach out to my counselor in any hope for some chance of help the piss poor communcation at this school means it'll take days for a response, I can't even get reliable help over school. Back in middle school I had a GPA in the high 3s, I made honor roll every other quater or so, I had high grades and sucess. But in high-school, in nineth grade I failed with straight Fs and got a GPA of 0.7, now in tenth I have a 1.7 and sometimes get high grades but mostly fail. I just wish I wasn't so stupid, I just wish I was smart and successful at school. But I'm not, I'm a fucking idiot and an embarssment at school. And maybe it would all be okay if it wasn't for the assholes I am surrounded by, my fellow peers of this overcrowded hell hole. Just seems like I can never catch a break with having to deal with people. I just want to be left alone but they're is just always somebody wanting to bother me, harass me. Can sit at a desk then have a bunch of cunts around me, harass me, call me burgundy because of my shirt. Can sit down and be snickered at by the guys in front of me for whatever reason. Sit down and have paper, pencils, even ice hitting me. Sit down and have some imbecible pull up a chair and use my desk as his and block me in my seat because fuck me, am I right? Just want to be left alone but never am, nobody ever dose it's always something. I can't even get respect, not a single bit, just always mistreated. Hell just the other day when I was given my packet I was also mistakenly given the packet of a nearby girl, I get her attention and hand it to her and she just snaches it and mumbles something, because I can't even be respected, I'm worthless. And even when I'm not being directly bothered I got to deal with slow walkers, idiots who don't know how to inconvience everyone else in the halls, the over crowded school. It all fucking sucks I hate it all, everyday I think I'm on the verge of snapping but somehow just have more patience, I don't know how much more of this shit I can or have to endure. At least my mom finally reconsidered my old forgotten pleads for online school and reopened the idea, maybe by some miracle online school will save me and "help me get caught up and ahead" but I doubt it, I'm an idiot who deserves to die. Why am I so fucking stupid, why am I like this? Why must I exist this way?
No hobbies or interest: I used to love a lot of things: reading, history, coming up with things in my head, videogames and, anything really. Now I have grown apathic to it all except videogames and even that dosen't bring much joy. I want to have my old hobbies back but lack the will to return. And I want new hobbies but yet lack will but also lacking knowing what I want to try. I'm lost with my freetime, it's all bleek and I want to fill my life with pastion. I still love videogames, always will but I need more then just gaming, I want more then gaming. I just want something, anything. I don't want to have such a lack of interest, God I fucking hate my life.
I have no future career goals: I'm sixteen and have no idea on what I want to do as an adult, some may say thats okay but it's not, not for me at least. I want to have a goal in the adult world, and even if that goal led to a path I don't like then I can always go down another path. Despite having no idea on what to do I at least know I don't want to be in an office. I could handle an office job, and be content with an office job but an office job isn't me, it isn't what sounds interesting, I would likely do blue collar or be my own boss. Some jobs I've considered and would do still are: police, SWAT police, house flipper, 911 operator, port worker, mechanic or something tinkeassemble like, enterpuner my book, film and games ideas or, open a store or bar or something. These are some jobs I've considered in the past that I would still see myself doing, I have also pondered over military/reserve but not sure. My childhood dream career that I still have a desire for is SWAT but I don't think I have what it takes, in fact I don't think I have what it takes for anything. I think all my life is destined to is dying homeless on a street corner, it's all I'll ever be "worthless".
I had so much planned, now failed: At age fourteen I planned to by now have a license, a job, a banking account, start savings. I planned to lose weight, I planned to have an idea outside of school, I had a plan. But I'm just a worthless peice of shit and a failure to myself, I don't even have a permit, no job, no savings, still fat, have no idea about the future, I failed myself.
Fidgeting: I can't stop but want to, at school I can't help but twiral a pencil around. I do it all the time at school but been trying to stop, I hate doing it. Worst part is I'm being immated by worthless cunts by it which is annoying. I want to stop this.
Masterbation addiction: I have a severe and low life addiction to masterbation. I do it at least once a day and sometimes mutiple times a day. The longest I was ever able to refrain was just a little over a week and only failed because I got bored. I need to jerk it to be able to sleep unless I'm desperately tired but even then. Also since I "need" it to sleep I regulary soil my sweatpants then sleep in it which is nasty. I can't control this vice, this low appetite and I'm deeply unhappy about it. Also unhappy that I might be ruining my endurence, a bit TMI but just another reason why this is harmful. I want to refrain or atleast drasticly cut out this pratice and fix myself.
I likely have more issues eating me inside as I waste away as a shell of a person but I can't really think of them. I am told my mom is looking into thearpy so that might be nice. Please just help me, I'm so lost and broken, I sometimes consider just ending it all but I just hope it can get good.

I posted this on off my chest a few days ago and most of the very few comments just said he had a preference and there’s nothing wrong with this. It’s been a week and I just CANT shake my mind off this. I keep thinking about it and reading into little things.
I’m just gonna copy and paste my original text and add some more details hoping a black audience will get me.
“I love my husband very much. I’m a black woman me and him have been together for years. I’m very close with his family except for his now estranged father who was basically disowned by the family for being racist towards me.
He is white, his whole family is, he grew up in a fully white suburban area. He very affectionate. He loves to play with my hair which I use to see as just a cute normal partner thing.
So on Sunday night I was at his mothers house for dinner and there was a new guest, someone I’d only met at our wedding and I barely had time to interact with. It was his aunt but he just calls her a cousin since she is around his age. They grew up very close and this was the first time she was officially meeting me.
The cousin started cracking jokes that to me felt racially insensitive. She was saying stuff like “this is exactly the type of person I expected you to marry” and I thought she was just being mean and sarcastic. My husband was blushing and telling her to stop which I found weird because usually he would rush to defend me.
Everyone else at the table seemed to be laughing. I think they then noticed my discomfort because then my MIL told me his cousin wasn’t attacking me and then the cousin started talking about how much my husband has always loved black woman since he was a child and how she was being serious when she said she expected him to end up with someone exactly like me.
My husband was like red red and trying to eat his food and tune out the conversation but I was curious so let his cousin keep talking to me.
She started telling me all about how growing up he was obsessed with black celebrities and black woman in general. When he say a black woman in public he would gawk at her. He would rip photos of bw out of magazines and keep them in his room. He would debate with his friends about how bw were the prettiest.
I was shocked because I know my husband dated four people other than me three of which were not black. Or so I thought. Turns out they were all black. His cousin told me.
He didn’t necessarily lie about it I guess I just assumed. He told me his first girlfriend was black once but the race of the other three never came up.
While his cousin was talking my cousin would keep interjecting saying “that’s not true” or “your exaggerating”. But the way everyone else on the table was just cackling makes me feel like they all knew and it’s all true.
The topic eventually changed and it was normal until on the drive home I decided to question him. When I brought it up his face got red immediately and he was stumbling over his words. He didn’t deny anything he just said “I didn’t really know it was a weird thing until recently” and he always just viewed it as him having a type not a fetish and he said his cousin was just trying to mess with him and he’s sorry if anything she said crossed the line.
After that I just dropped it but I cannot stop thinking about this.”
Is what I posted six days ago. I keep thinking of little things my husband does like he’ll encourage me to wear cultural clothes, and he’ll insist on always washing my hair, when I use to wear wigs he would always tell me how he prefers my natural hair and would tell me with a vigor.
It’s killing me and I love him. I want to stop thinking this so badly but I feel crazy. I even went through his following lists which I told myself I’d never do cuz it’s crazy!
Is this all in my head or should I be concerned.

*Trigger warning: Mention of Self Harm*
Apologies if this post seems long, but I really need some outside perspective. I (25F) recently broke up with my ex (26M) after a decade together because I had committed self-harm. We have one child together (6moF), and since the incident happened, I have been in intensive therapy to receive help with my mental health.
While I was in the hospital, he served me with custody papers for our daughter. I was hurt and upset by it, but I understood where it was coming from, so I never made a big deal about it. But after some talking, we agreed to an informal agreement that allows me to see her on weekends at his place.
Here is where I need some advice. During Mother's Day weekend, his mother (who never liked me) came over to his apartment uninvited and let herself into his building with the access code given to her for emergencies. Then she banged on the door and once she was inside, she began yelling and cussing all bad words at me (though that doesn't hurt my feelings in the slightest) because I am used to her bitterness and hatred towards me. I find it hilarious because she has been a HORRIBLE mother to her son.
Once she saw me, she went to assault me (she tried yanking my hair, but only was able to rip the scarf off of my head) and yelling that I needed to get out. He is the only one underneath his lease and told her that wasn't going to happen, and she needed to go. He tried explaining our situation we have for our daughter, but it was falling on deaf ears. After she touched me, though I am taller than her by a lot, I stood up and cussed back at her. Mostly saying to not touch me and ripping her a new one about how poor of a mother she's been to him for years (which I know struck a chord because my ex mentioned it later in a different conversation, he had with her).
I was so mad and told him that while I could press charges on her for touching me, I chose not to BECAUSE that is his mother. I do not care nor want a relationship with that woman. All I care about is maintaining a good co-parenting relationship with my ex for the sake of our daughter. It already hurts because I went from seeing her every day to only on weekends, but I know my actions have consequences and these are mine.
However, another incident occurred that made me want to reach out to the world of Reddit. Today, my ex called to inform me that, my former boss and his new landlord, told him that she saw me out today. She threatened him to say that if he doesn't stop letting me come over, then she will go to court to have him evicted. (NOTE: My former boss is friends with his mother)
I told him that she is doing some illegal shit here and he needs to contact corporate about it because not only has she said this to him but she's been telling his mother about "noise complaints" that he's had since moving in. (NOTE: These accusations are baseless because the old woman above him has been doing it since he moved in.)
I expressed my grievances with him and told him that he needs to put his foot down and set boundaries with his mother and the landlord. I told him that he needs to be direct and firm, but also save to get a different place because his mother helped him get this apartment. I feel like she wants to make him so co-dependent on her because most of his bills are already underneath her name, too. I am not trying to make the situation more complicated. I just want to see my child and be on good terms with her father.
I need advice because I do not know how to help him, and I do not want him feeling more stressed out than what the people around him are already doing. Please offer me some advice so I can pass that along to him as well because we are both trying to move on and be good parents to our child, but his family and the landlord are making it more about themselves than the baby.