Romantic poems of morning

Hello,
I've never posted about this kind of stuff, but I've never experienced such a persistent nagging pain
My ex and I had a very turbulent 7 year relationship, I initially met her months after healing from another long term relationship, about 25 years, and that ended amicably, and to this day I see her as a friend.
The beginning of our relationship was amazing, it was very sexually charged, she was into everything and anything I did, she was sweet, comforting, a great listener, the times we had were almost euphoric. Even during this phase of the relationship, I acknowledged to myself that I have to take things slow as things are moving so fast.
About a month and a half into "dating" she got pregnant, and I told her I will be there for you, and I'll never run away from being a Father, ever! Immediately everything changed, and of course I understand why and empathize with how she may have felt suddenly being pregnant, and I genuinely cared and made myself available at all times. We only lived a building apart, we were basically doors down from each other.
Immediately she wanted to get a place together, I let her know that she could stay with me anytime, give it a trial run, but we still need to get know each other, as I just got over a 25 year relationship. She started staying with me on and off and I began seeing a complete different side of her, she would storm out of my place and take issue with little things like clothes on the floor, or an unmade bed, I mean over the top anger.
Still throughout this period I began falling in love with her, and falling in love with my unborn child. During this period I started discovering a pattern of lies, some just white lies, some extremely severe, lies that had the potential to affect any sort of positive outcome as they entailed criminal behavior. When confronted with the worst ones I was assured she would stop.
Skip ahead to the birth, I was with her, we were both content, a happy beautiful healthy daughter came from the womb. I was in love, both with my child, as well as the Mother. We were inseparable for awhile, then she became extremely controlling, even vicious at times. My time with my daughter was often relegated to when the Mother was asleep, I would let her sleep when my daughter woke up in the night and bond with her then.
One day she got extremely upset with me as I wanted to bring my daughter and her to a family event, she had an issue with a family member of mine, this turned into a CRAZY argument, that ended up with me being denied seeing my child for over 12 days. I ended up going to the courthouse to file papers that would give me the legal right to see my daughter, regardless of the status of my relationship with the Mother.
I never served those papers, as my daughter had gotten sick, and we both met at her pediatrician appointment, everything melted away and we were together again, she became loving again, we shared bringing up our child, but I began to lose touch with all my family, including my friends, anything I would do or plan to do would cause an insane amount of friction.
Through this time we did our best to be close, but the lies never stopped, and I completely began to lose my sense of self. There were times when my daughter would be completely weaponized, used as a pawn to control me, I slowly began isolating myself from just about anyone but my daughter and the Mother. We would have an argument, could be anything, big or small, and instantly I'd be disregarded, no communication, no texts, no calls, no responses. Then we would get together and she would show me love and kindness, and I'd be hooked again. This on and off pattern lasted a good 6 years. I still struggle thinking about how dark some of those days were, and I've never strayed or abandoned my daughter. She's the light of my life, just has 2 parents that can't seem to live peacefully together.
Forward to now, just a few months ago we talked and decided it would be best to part and focus on co-parenting. The 1st month was great, we were cordial to each other during pick ups and drop offs, but we stopped both putting our child to bed together. If she had her I used to always go over and put her to bed, read books, bathe, etc and she would for the most part so the same when I have my daughter. We stopped that, as when my daughter did fall asleep that's when we would connect, quite often it was just sexual, looking back it was like giving a dog a bone, it was void of true intimacy, it was just enough to keep things balanced in an odd way, it became the only affection I came to know.
This entire time, regardless of our status, whenever we were with other people she was a gem, she always would bring gifts even if not necessary, always be extremely affectionate towards me, basically playing a part.
Here's an example, I got sick one evening, some sort of food poisoning, it got bad enough where I had to go to the hospital and be treated in a bed from early morning until evening. This happened to fall on a night we had planned a "date" night. She came to the hospital to pick me up, my parents were there and she was as sweet as you could imagine, as soon as I got discharged and we were driving home, now just the two of us, she flipped on me for ruining our date. She bought tickets to a show, and she was recklessly pissed off and as mean as one could imagine, and I was still sick, she ended up storming out of my place.
These kinds of situations became normal, and a nonstop cycle of on again/off again partners became the norm.
I'm getting long winded now, but I'll come back to the present. After about a month of just co-parenting and coming to terms with ending any sort of romantic relationship, and being cordial to one another, she started reminiscing about our past, sharing pictures of happy times with my daughter and us together, pictures of just her and I, messages of love, how she misses me, will always love me, all these things, and I opened the door again. This was days before she was leaving for a "yoga retreat" and I would have my daughter. Needless to say, those 4 days there was no more communication, not even with my daughter. The 1st communication on a Sunday morning was about being together again, and sentiments of love.
This has since happened 2 more times, always surrounded by secrecy, even if it directly affects my daughter, which unfortunately it has. Come to find out she was never away, "out of town" she was just down the road at an Airbnb with some guy that fly's in from out of state, she told me all this and actually said how much I would like him, and that this guy would love to meet me, and at the same time maintaining how much she still loves me. Just whacky, not even months after ending any romantic partnership.
This coming week my daughter and her are taking their first "vacation" without me involved. I was completely fine with this, expressing how I first had some mixed feelings, because my daughter has never really traveled without me and her Mother together. Then I came to terms with it and even started suggesting places to show her, a beach to check out, dolphins in these waters, manatees here etc. The guy she's been seeing at random airbnbs lives in the state they are flying too.
It's just thrown me for such a loop. I haven't truly trusted her for a while for good reasons, lots of lies, and complete disregard for any prior planned commitments, but this just feels out of the park, and has me feeling like an emotional train wrecked weakling. Yesterday I responded to an email saying "I just need to process some of this stuff and not communicate unless it has to do with our daughter", the response was crazy, completely shitting on me as a person on how much I've wronged her and how I never cared for her and all this stuff. My reply was you are right, I'm sorry, I've been having trouble letting go, but I'm now ready too, let's focus on being the best we can be for our daughter.
Instant reply of what a great father I am, how I've always been there, how much my daughter loves me and counts down the days to when I have her. How sorry she is that she treated me poorly, etc. It's all just nuts, and I can't simply not communicate, and I'm so confused as to why I'm feeling so hurt by all this stuff while I recognize the healthiest thing I can do for myself is truly let go. I have so many mixed emotions I can't even think about dating, or even chilling with someone new. I'm all over the place, mainly sad, it's so confusing. So many mixed signals, and I think my esteem has been shattered for awhile now.
Only with my daughter do I feel myself, she brings the best out in me, she always has, she's like sunshine on a rainy day, she's the best!
Apologies for such a long winded post, may not even make clear sense, just let my "swipe" keyboard go nuts for a bit
Hope you are all well!

I (18M) have been meeting this girl (20F) For two weeks. It all started with a common friend telling me to approach her. Things went well, it only took a few days for us to go out on a date and surprisingly we have a LOT of common interests, we kissed and once she was home she sent me a text telling me she's super interested in me. Two days later i asked her out on a second date (Which we had already planned.) Again, things went well, this time we made out, we both said "I like you" and when i asked her what she wanted us to become, she answered with the same question, to which i replied that i'm looking for a relationship. She didn't hesitate to say yes, however it was i who said we needed to get to know each other a lil' bit more. Again, once i got home i received a text from her telling me how much fun she had, thanking me for building legos with her (We visited a lego shop) and telling me she forgot to give me smth, but that she will give it to me when we meet again. I thanked her for her time and apologized for what happened (We were planning to go to an aquarium, however it was too crowded.) To then send her another text telling we could go some other time during the week. At last, she accepted, saying she'd check out the aquarium's website and try to ask for her manager (Our common friend) to give her a day off. Wishing me goodnight and sweet dreams that was her last text since saturday night.
On Monday morning i visited the stand where she works. I knew she wasn't gon be there as she only serves the morning shift on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays. Anyways, the reason i was there is to ask our common friend (And seemingly cupid) if she told him smth about our date. He said "nothing important", other than her posting romantic stuff on her close friends stories. He said i'm doing good so far, but that i must keep momentum.
Now, we haven't texted since saturday night(Her sending the last text), she told me disinterest it's an absolute "no-go" for her. I really don't wanna make her feel like i don't wanna talk to her. This common friend of ours, told me to not care if disinterest it's a turn off for her, as me, visiting/texting her not so often will make her desperate for me. I really do wanna visit her tomorrow, maybe ask her out on a 3rd date? but again, our friend told me to wait till Thursday and not ask her out until next week.

I (29m) recently started dating (not exclusive, not boyfriend / girlfriend, just getting to know each other) a new woman (33f) after leaving a long term relationship (over 10 years) with an ex (28f). I haven’t really dated before (I was asked out by my ex early on in high school and never dated before) so dating is new to me. When meeting new people I avoid over sharing information about my past romantic history early on unless asked very specifically about it. For example, I will share information about my past history like when we broke up, why we broke up, what I learned, and on but I’ll avoid more details about how involved we were together (e.g. living situation, traumatic events, etc) or particularly difficult topics for me until I get to know the person more.
I’ve started slowly dating one woman. On date two (about a month ago) she casually brought up pets and asked about my experience with animals (would you ever want a pet, have you taken care of a dog before, etc). I talked about my experience with pets early on in my childhood but did not discuss the dog that my ex bought for emotional support (despite my objections) and that I helped care for in the last two years of our relationship. I avoided this topic because my ex and I got into a particularly nasty argument splitting up property (I had expected her to not fight me over certain sentimental items in exchange for me not trying to fight for her dog, which didn’t go as expected) a week before the second date. I knew that if I brought up my ex’s dog I would probably get upset and I didn’t want to trauma dump or throw things off on our date, so I didn’t mention it.
We’re going on date four later this week. Last week we talked about deeper relationship questions. She talked about how she really values transparency, being direct and avoiding white lies with a partner which are things I value too. I was remembering the pet discussion last night and this morning I now feel conflicted - maybe even ashamed - of avoiding talking about the dog before. I wasn’t trying to misrepresent who I am to her, just avoiding a sensitive topic early on, but I feel like in doing so I may have misrepresented myself and I feel bad about that because it doesn’t align with my values (even though this wasn’t a white lie). I don’t really know how to handle under sharing vs lying by omission though. It seems like a gray line unless you always default to over sharing.
So my questions here:

1. Would you characterize my actions as lying by omission or undersharing?
2. How do you recommend tackling lying by omission vs under sharing in the future? How do you draw the line?
3. How can I go about making things right here? I want to tell her eventually, but I’m not sure about the best way to bring this up.

Reflecting on 2021, truly marked the zenith of my young career. The pandemic was coming to an end, I was fresh from the hallowed halls of a prestigious but unheralded college, thrust into the corporate labyrinth where, as a mere sidekick to the big shots, I contributed to a deal of record-breaking magnitude. My modest corporate minion life was exaggerated into legend by my professors during an alumni reunion, leading to a rather embarrassing episode where I was paraded around as the poster child of their education career’s success. My parents, not ones to shy away from a bit of pomp, lauded my achievements to anyone within earshot.
But as 2022 unfurled its chaos with the epidemic, my professional life spiralled downwards as swiftly as it had risen. I was laid off, and replaced by a nepotistic hire—my boss's new mistress's nephew. During my dismal final days, my colleagues, once comrades became corporate sharks, whispers of them scheming to claim my last efforts as their own filled the empty office spaces.
Compelled by financial duress to abandon my central city dwelling, I relocated to the outskirts with two college mates, Jaz and Kath, who had similarly found themselves victims of the economic downturn. We settled into apartment 606, a unit with dubious charm, suspiciously affordable on the 13th floor of a dreary building, its corridor haunted by a flickering sensor light that was only designed to function on rare occasions. Yet, the apartment itself was surprisingly very well furnished, almost like something that jumped out from a design mag, out beating sample rooms in Ikea, boasting a spacious balcony, a living room ready for an impromptu soirée, a dining table that’s good enough to hold a banquet(became our co-working space) and a kitchen isle that became our sanctuary and curse.
When we first settled into our new abode, we discovered a trove of fine kitchen utensils, perfect for whipping up sophisticated cuisine and crafting cocktails worthy of a swanky soirée. Tucked away in the fridge, among the remnants of the previous tenants' life, was a quaint note: “The three of us really enjoyed our stay here, especially our meals and nights spent by the kitchen island. We hope you find as much joy in it as we did. Use it well.” With a casual flick of my wrist, I dismissed the note into the garbage can, oblivious to the depth of its seemingly innocuous message. Little did I know, that piece of paper was more a passing of the torch than a simple goodbye.
Our initial days in apartment 606 brimmed with camaraderie and impromptu celebrations: movie nights sprawled on the living room sofas, barbeque dinners under the stars on our balcony, and co-working sessions at the dining table, peppered with resume tweaks and contemplative conversations over cocktails. We even scored a second-hand karaoke machine, allowing me to channel my inner diva—a throwback to my musical theatre days in college and my stint as the voice of corporate presentations and negotiations at my previous job, where I was known for my resonant yet finely tuned voice.
Yet, as the months wore on and the job market remained unyielding, our early merriment slowly surrendered to a creeping anxiety. The kitchen island, once the heart of our home where laughter and shared meals flowed freely, gradually morphed into the epicenter of our collective unease, bearing silent witness to the quiet desperation settling over us.
One evening, in the suspiciously affordable yet stylish apartment, I sank into the sofa, my spirits dampened by my favorite team's disheartening loss. The mood was grim, mirroring my fears of my beloved player's potential retirement at season's end. Later, as we congregated around the kitchen island for dinner, I transformed into an impromptu sports commentator, passionately preaching about the game’s disappointing details that led to failure and my favorite player’s fine qualities. Meanwhile, Jaz updated us on a friend's melodramatic breakup, with guesses that something ugly must have happened behind the scenes. Kath, ever the culinary enthusiast, not only served up her delicious pasta but also dished out the latest celebrity gossip, each tidbit as spicy as her sauce.
The next day, during a late breakfast at the same kitchen island—our unwitting oracle—we were hit by a triple whammy of reality checks. The news of my favorite player's retirement broke, echoing my gloomy predictions from the night before. Jaz chimed in with an update that our friend had uncovered a cheating scandal worthy of its own reality TV special. And Kath, never one to be left out of the drama: her favorite celebrity was now the star of a scandal.
By the third morning, as we sipped our coffee, the newspaper slapped me with another bizarre twist. I was going through the devastating economics and politics sections, then I saw the sports section——featured an irate coach, hell-bent on convincing my favorite player to dismiss retirement plans and keep his jersey on a little longer. Meanwhile, Jaz had good news for a change: it turned out our friend's love story might have a second act after all, as misunderstandings were being cleared up. Amidst these revelations, Kath, who had been grumbling about the nearby supermarket’s inability to stock anything remotely gourmet, and hadn’t had a taste of her favorite Blue Mountain coffee since the beginning of that year, triumphantly found a can of Blue Mountain coffee, and it was on sale and therefore affordable—proof that miracles happen, and sometimes they even go on discount.
As I sat there, absorbing the serendipity of our discussions manifesting into real-world events, I couldn't help but marvel at the mysterious knack of our kitchen island. Was it merely a coincidence, or had this stylish piece of decor become the unlikely conductor of our lives symphony? One thing was certain: life in apartment 606 was never dull, and our kitchen island seemed to be more than just a place to eat—it was a place where, apparently, you could stir the pot of fate.
I decided to conduct a whimsical experiment with our now seemingly magical kitchen island. Clearing my throat theatrically, I declared, "I should be interviewed for a director position." To my sheer astonishment, the next day a headhunter rang me up, claiming I was the ideal candidate for a directorial role at a prestigious corporation in my field. Despite the other candidates possessing decades more experience which defeated me with no effort, and my own lingering self-doubt from months of unemployment, I sailed to the final interview round with the company's executives.
Upon returning to our apartment, I found Kath flaunting a chic dress from a designer brand brand she’d snagged on clearance—a little luxury courtesy of our wish-granting island. Inspired, I approached the island and cheekily requested, "Get us jobs. Something fun." Lo and behold, the following day was spent lounging and binge-watching Netflix, only to be interrupted by a call from a former bigwig at my old job. He was venturing into a more illustrious company and wanted me onboard. The informal chat that followed was a breeze, and just like that, I was back in the game with a fancier title and a fatter paycheck.
The subsequent week was a flurry of celebrations. Jaz secured a senior-level position, and Kath landed her dream job at an influencer management agency. Feeling triumphant, we decided to indulge in a night of fine dining—our first in months. That Friday evening when I went from office to restaurant, on a whim, stopped at a convenience store to grab snacks and cigarettes for our post-dinner revelry. Outside, I encountered a homeless person. After offering him a sandwich (which he traded for a cigarette instead), he took a drag, peered into my eyes, and ominously muttered, “Look, young lady, this isn’t my business, but be wary of what you wish for; everything comes with a price. Good luck and god bless you.”
His words barely registered until later that evening when a mishap occurred that seemed to underline his warning. As we enjoyed syphon coffee post-dinner, a barista accidentally tripped over Kath’s flowing dress. The resulting spill left her with first-degree burns, abruptly ending our night as we rushed to the emergency room. Though it was "just" a first-degree burn, the pain was significant enough to require several days off for Kath’s recovery. Amid the drama, I couldn't help but wonder about the cryptic caution from the man outside the store—had our fortunate streak come with a hidden cost?
We chalked up the coffee calamity to bad luck. The next month flowed smoothly: Kath's fingers healed, she returned to work, and I quickly found my groove at the new job. With all of us gainfully employed, our communal meals at the kitchen island became rare. My mornings were a whirlwind of grabbing breakfast and coffee on the go, followed by an hour's commute to a job that had me scarfing down instant noodles by nightfall, just in time for a quick shower.
As the busy season kicked in, my workload ballooned—not just from the seasonal uptick, but because I was hell-bent on proving my mettle. I quickly outshone most of my peers, and my employer, recognizing a budding overachiever, piled on major tasks, which I eagerly accepted. What started as the occasional hour of overtime soon devoured my weekends. Unpaid overtime, as the fine print in my contract gleefully noted, became my new norm. Driven by a mix of ambition and expectation, I had become the go-to young hotshot, the erstwhile record-breaker now expected to continually outdo myself.
Mentally, I was too swamped to entertain thoughts of anything beyond work, which, in a twisted way, felt like a break. Physically, however, the strain began to show. A bout of flu caught on a business trip escalated into a fever. Sick as I was, deadlines waited for no one, and I soldiered on medicated and miserable. By the time I made it home, my voice had abandoned me. Unable to utter a word the next morning, I resorted to emailing my manager about my sorry state.
That week, robbed of my voice, I mused that it was perhaps a well-deserved hiatus for my overworked vocal cords—a silent retreat if you will. But when my voice did return, it was as a raspy whisper, a shadow of its former crisp and melodious timbre. My doctor offered a grim prognosis: slight improvement might come, but the golden tones were gone for good—scarred by the relentless grind. Ah, the price of ambition—a scratchy throat as a permanent reminder of my corporate conquests.
It seemed I had unwittingly exchanged the clarity of my voice for the tumult of career success. In the midst of our domestic enchantment with the possibly mystical kitchen island, Kath unearthed the contact of a reputed psychic, hailed as the finest in the land. However, the consultation fee was nothing short of princely, and with Jaz vehemently dismissing anything that couldn't be explained by cold, hard science, she promptly opted out of splitting the bill. Kath and I, unwilling to drain our wallets on what could be mere phantasmagoria, reluctantly let the opportunity pass.
Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but notice a curious change in Jaz’s routine. She had ceased dining at the kitchen island, avoiding it as if it were cursed—or perhaps, in her view, simply out of style. The Saturday morning brought a particularly harsh twist: a murder of crows took to spiralling above our balcony, their cries as sharp as the plot of a Poe novel. We found ourselves drawn to the infamous kitchen island, lined up like the cast of a macabre play, silently praying for the birds to disperse. Kath, ever trying to restore some semblance of normalcy, offered up cups of Blue Mountain coffee. She absentmindedly inquired if I wanted cream or sugar in mine—a blunder that made me realize just how long it had been since our last coffee klatch at this very spot. My inner monologue couldn't resist a dark wish for the crows to scatter, perhaps too dark, for they began to dive bomb our balcony in a feathery kamikaze. The spectacle was enough to knock Jaz off her feet—literally—as her mug met its end on the floor. Kath, meanwhile, made a hasty retreat to worship the porcelain god, and I sat frozen, my brain offline, pondering the twisted power of our kitchen island's apparent wish-granting.
After the unnerving spectacle of crows turning our balcony into a scene straight out of a Hitchcock film, our first rational step—post-collective fainting, of course—was to summon cleaners to manage the feathery carnage. Then, still rattled but increasingly curious, we visited a psychic, who, contrary to the crystal-ball-gazer image, operated out of a posh boutique in a high-end mall and dressed more like she was headed to a fashion show than a séance. We laid bare our saga of the seemingly cursed kitchen island, complete with photographic evidence of where domestic bliss meets eerie phenomena.
The psychic introduced a term that chilled the air around us: “limbo,” the threshold between our world and the otherworldly, and she dubbed our kitchen island the "Devil’s Bargain Counter." According to her, our wishes came with a heavy and unpredictable price, because we have accidentally started trades with beings from the netherworld. Her advice was disarmingly simple: cease all trades on the island. To address the repercussions of past wishes, she advised us the first line of defence, which was an eclectic mix of offerings laid out on our cursed countertop: raw meat(rooster works the best), a cocktail of spices(coca and cinnamon preferably), liberal splashes of spirits(whiskey and rum ideally), and an eerie bouquet of black flowers(luckily I found some black roses at a flower shop of the mall). In a grander gesture of appeasement, Kath relinquished her shiny new diamond bracelet, Jaz her absurdly expensive headphones, and I parted with cash—— a hefty slice of my bonus in hopes of placating whatever capricious spirits we'd angered.
Our return to normalcy was brief but sweet, prompting us to plan a getaway, eager to forget about our nefarious kitchen island. Yet, the respite was merely a tease. Jaz, in a stroke of spectacular misfortune, narrowly dodged disaster twice in one day—first nearly becoming subway track fodder on her way back after work, and then almost getting knocked out by a rogue plant at our apartment building’s doorstep. Clearly, our previous offerings were mere appetizers to whatever forces we'd stirred. The psychic, summoned once again to our now-dubious sanctuary, decreed that the spirits had developed rather expensive tastes, unsatisfied by our initial gestures.
In a desperate bid for closure, we had the psychic over for a nighttime ritual, timed perfectly with Earth's closest approach to the netherworld, according to her. Our living room turned into a ritual chamber, with windows blacked out for days, to keep the otherworldly dealings strictly nocturnal. That night, we arranged ourselves around the island, now less a kitchen fixture and more an altar of last resort.
The psychic, amidst a chorus of Latin incantations, directed us through a chilling séance that included a mirror that reflected nothing but darkness and a burning black candle, the three of us sat in a row, joined hands, eyes closed. When the black candle was flickering at its last, the first eerie scratches heard prompted our eyes to open prematurely, we saw a command appear on the island, written by invisible hand and pen, in blood-red script, urging us to find the next "succeeder" before our lease on otherworldly disturbances could be terminated.
With bated breath, we agreed, and as if by magic, our signatures materialized on the countertop, then faded as the candle sputtered out. We tore off the black cardboard taped on the windows at dawn, the sunrise revealed a final message etched into the surface: "Debt cleared." As the daylight grew, the ominous inscription dissolved into nothingness, signalling the end of our spectral saga.
The ordeal, now officially behind us, left us enjoying a semblance of normalcy: life in 606 returned to its mundane rhythm, with dinners and movie nights back on our social calendar. Though not without its scars—literal and figurative.
It’s been two years since then, Jaz, in the throes of romantic bliss, is now gearing up for a new chapter waiting to be written alongside her soon-to-be spouse; Kath, her career finally taking a lucrative turn, was poised to upgrade her living situation, she secured a lease on a lavish serviced apartment in the city center—a place that matched her newfound financial swagger.
I’m not without my own leaps forward. With a modest boost from my parents, I took the plunge into homeownership, snagging a property within the city’s vibrant confines. The process was a whirlwind of paperwork and decorating decisions, culminating in a space I could truly call my own.
As we are packing up now, my last act is to type out our story, at the infamous island, and of course, I left a note in the fridge for the next tenants:
"Welcome to 606. We had a wonderful time here, especially at the kitchen island, filled with joy and unforgettable moments. We hope you find as much happiness as we did. Use the isle well. Warm wishes, the previous tenants."

I [M27] wrote this post and my girlfriend [F26] reviewed it to make sure it’s objective and accurate.
My girlfriend and I initially dated from December 2022 to May 2023 here in San Diego. When we first met, she told me she was looking into moving to NYC to try something new. About two months into dating, she committed to moving. We ultimately decided to date until she left and then we would break up and go no contact. We didn’t want to get into a LDR. Come May, I dropped her off at the airport and we went our separate ways.
She came home for the holidays in December 2023. We reconnected and decided to give LDR a try on the condition that she moves back to SD once her lease expires in August 2024. We agreed to talk about big decisions like moving forward. Until then, we are in an LDR until August 2024, 7 months total.
When we talked about seeing each other during LDR, she shared that she didn’t want to fly back to SD regularly as she felt that we’re not doing LDR for that long and she’ll be in SD after her lease ends. She said she expected us to see each other maybe twice during this time. I felt like us meeting regularly is important, especially this early on in our relationship, and I want her to spend as much time in NYC as possible, so I’ve flown out to see/meet her four times now (almost monthly). She’s planning on visiting SD for the first time since our LDR began later this month.
The first time I flew out to NYC, she did pick me up from the airport. The second time, she didn’t. She was hosting a friend up until the morning I arrived, so she stayed home to clean, get her place ready, and made breakfast so it could be ready when I got there. So I showed up at her door. Still, my effort to go see her felt unappreciated. I let her know, she listened, and she’s picked me up since.
We recently got into a disagreement about whether she should be picking me up from the airport when I go see her. I make a big effort to see her (doing most of the flying, catching connecting flights, flying redeyes to maximize time together), so I want her to want to meet me as soon as possible when we’re in the same city. I undergo 8+ hours of travel, so I feel like taking an hour to go to the airport isn’t a big ask. I feel like landing at the airport and seeing your partner there is one of the most romantic things.
However, she said she feels that when a city has good public transportation that takes people directly to her place, taking the subway to the airport to pick someone up is unnecessary and goes “above and beyond.” She said if it were SD, of course she would get me from the airport. Ultimately, because it’s important to me, she has been meeting at the airport or halfway when the airport is far away.
That said, we are curious on what is typically the expectation in this situation: where one partner is doing most of the flying to visit the other partner and the norm on airport pickups in a city with good public transit (and you don’t have a car).
TL;DR - should partners in an LDR pick each other up at the airport?

Hey there! Hope the word "wife" doesn't scare you off. I'll get straight to the point here; I'm trying to meet someone who we could build a beautiful relationship, perhaps start off as friends, learn about each other and eventually level up to phone calls and chats late into the night. Let's lovingly make fun of each other, tease each other, and laugh together. Good morning/night messages and poems. Let's make a bedtime routine together. I date to marry, so that'll be my goal. But... it's ok if we aren't compatible or we just slowly fall off. That's ok!
Here's a few trivial things about me; • There's no such thing as over communicating • I love animals (except wasps. They can go to hell) • I am getting into baking and cooking and I'm confident I can make better chocolate chip cookies than you! • I have a job • l have a car • I have a bachelors • I have a small kitten who is my handsome lil guy • I enjoy working with hands. Building or fixing things • my favorite color is phthalo green • I have a twisted sense of humor • I don't get involved in politics • I'm single, I don't have children. • I am the oldest in my family • I am light skinned • I speak Russian, Ukrainian, a little Polish, and a little Spanish too.
Here's two truths and a lie about me: • I have called Barnes and Noble and asked if they had books in stock. • I have seen a UFO • I believe that pizza belongs on pineapple
I hope our interests align and we get to chat sometime!
Ok bai 🌹

I'm Kaat Online/Chris irl I am 24 from Ontario Canada I am 6'6 bigger build and working on it. I'm shy but I'm working on that as well. I don't have any preference on who you are. I love to cook haven't baked in a while, I love trying new things. Favorite food is Greek, Italian, and any chicken I can have buffalo on. I make my own buffalo and hot honey.
I play Xbox, Apex Legends, Overwatch, Rust, Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Far Cry, Destiny 2, I have Fortnite for friends can send full list when we talk. (PC Valorant I'm not good. Minecraft Pixelmon, Shellshock live.
I work Monday through Friday, Off every other weekend but would definitely make time for you. Let's go on dates do cute Halloween stuff, Christmas stuff, let's go to the zoo or aquarium, go on picnic. I want someone I can spend my life with, my other half someone that understands me, gets me someone I can bond with and love.
Likes: Cats, Video games, Marvel, Brooklyn nine nine, Supernatural, Riverdale, Snowpiercer, Flash, Disenchantment and The Walking Dead. Loves: Cuddles, Communication! Streaming games for my person or playing with them Hates: Liars, cheaters, this generation doesn't give me hope to find my person.
Personality: I'm a very sweet, loving, loyal, affectionate and romantic guy. I'm 6'6 blonde hair blue eyes. Tall, I'm very soft I love to praise and will give reassurance if needed I'm very very loving and will constantly give you my attention and love.
I'm looking for my perfect person, I want someone that loves me for me! I love clingy. I love phone calls and late night texts, good night and good morning texts are also key, just want someone I can vibe with and be with, someone who is amazing and clingy and who wants to cuddle and spend time with me. Someone who wants to build trust with me and build a strong bond. Need to want to meet! I'm wanting someone I can call mine and I can be theirs. I want to give all my love and affection to them and spend a lot of time with them.
I'm looking for someone I can be myself around, someone that accepts me for me and I'll do the same.
Equal relationships are key it's either 50/50 or nothing Communication is a need. It's key to a healthy relationship.
I look forward to meeting you. I hope you have a wonderful day and ask me anything

LONG POST WARNING
Hello everyone,
My partner (24F) and I (25M) returned home from our 3-week Japan trip last week and due to us using this sub a lot during our planning I thought it would be helpful for other current planners to upload a trip report.
Our main interests are Japanese traditions and history, street style/culture, and food so keep reading if these interests are mutual. Read to the bottom to see how much we spent plus some tips and disappointments.
Prelude
We were caught up in the madness at Dubai airport during our layover. Long story short; Airport (and the rest of Dubai) flooded and caused all the flights to be cancelled. What was meant to be a 5-hour layover turned into a torturous 36 hour wait. No staff to be seen, crowds of people arguing, fighting, and crying. We queued for 12 hours to get a new boarding pass for the next flight to Japan. We were meant to fly to Haneda but settled for Narita as we needed to get out of that place as soon as possible but still ended up missing our first day in Tokyo (should have had 5 days). We can’t complain too much as some of the people I spoke to on emirates were in the airport for up to 5 days before getting a flight back to their departure destination. Oh, and our baggage was missing with us only receiving our checked in bags on day 19. Cheers Emirates.
Day 1
Arrived in Shinjuku around midnight. We went straight to Don Quiojte to buy some replacement cosmetics and clothes. The combination of no good-quality sleep for 48 hours and the stimulating nature of the store was very intense! We then started to walk back towards the hostel and passed a Ichiran, so dropped in for some 2am ramen. Not the best ramen I’ve ever had but was still very good for the price.
Steps: 21,643 (includes some airport steps)
Day 2
Woke up and ate the free breakfast at the hostel (this turned out to be a really good money saver for the whole trip as we are not huge eaters in the morning anyway, but it was good to get something light in us before a long day walking). We then walked through the Shinjuku Gyoen Garden – saw some late blooming cheery blossoms and overall, it was a really beautiful botanical garden.
The next stop was Meji Shrine and a walk through Yoyogi park. The shrine was cool to see, especially as it was our first one in Japan. Saw a middle-aged man wearing denim hotpants so short that his balls were hanging out?!?!
Walked to Shibuya to see the scramble. This was cool but also felt it was a bit underwhelming at ground level but the view from Shibuya station walkway was wicked. Lunch was at a conveyor belt sushi place on the top floor of this department store right next to the scramble. This would be higher than average quality sushi in Europe, so it blew our minds that it was available on the top floor of a department store and for so cheap.
Shimokitazawa – We picked up some bargains at 2^nd street and I treated myself some Japanese jeans from a small Demin shop called Bears. The guy in the shop was super helpful and friendly and even tailored the trousers to exactly my size.
In the evening, we first had a poke around Golden Gai and then headed towards Shibuya and stopped in a cool bar where the owner was mixing vinyl while he mixed your drinks (think it was called Q Bar).
We had previously bought tickets to a gig at Circus for one of my fav rappers who I’d been wanting to see for a while. Also really enjoyed seeing the local Japanese warm up acts. Stayed until 5am and then go the train straight to the Tsukiji outer fish market. Was there way too early and had to wait roughly an hour for thing to open. Went to chill by a bench for a bit and by the time we went back to the market it was rammed! Went to bed around 8:30am.
Steps: 32,159
Day 3
We woke up at 2:30pm, got ready, and headed to the Bunkyo civic centre for the free observation deck. We heard it wasn’t meant to be the best Tokyo skyline view but for a free attraction we thought it was very good! Jimbocho book town was also very cool to see. We had a peak into a couple adult movie/magazine stores where I don’t think the owner appreciated our presence as western tourists.
In the evening, we first went for Ramen at Motenashi Kuraki in Asakusa Bashi. Honestly probably the best Ramen I’ve had to date. I ordered the Black Pepper Shio special, and it blew my mind. Even though the staff didn’t speak English they were very accommodating for my partner who doesn’t eat meat (pescetarian but will brave a meaty broth).
We then had a stroll around Akihabara and played some dance mat games in the arcades before heading back for an earlyish night.
Steps: 28,680
Day 4
I couldn’t sleep so got up around 3am and did some admin stuff to try and get our bags back to us ASAP. Chatted to people in the hostel for a few hours.
We arrived at Senso-ji for around 8am. Wasn’t too busy at this time and the temple was impressive. Went for a coffee down the road and had a chill for about an hour before heading into Asakusa. Got admission to the Drum museum which was wicked. Only 400 yen each and had the whole place to ourselves to smack some big fucking drums and make as much noise as we wanted.
We then started to head towards Ueno but made a slight detour to Kappabashi Dougu street to peruse the Japanese chef knives and other cookware. Grabbed lunch from a 7/11 and went and sat in Ueno park which was super busy. There was some food market event on which loads of food stalls had set up. There was also a stage with some J-pop performers and people dressed as ninjas dancing in the crowd. Weird to say the least. By mid-afternoon we were pretty tired so headed back to the hostel for a nap.
In the evening, we headed down to Harajuku and stopped by Big Love records. My partner is really into vinyl, so this was definitely a highlight for her. She picked up Wu Tang 36 chambers in case you were wondering. We then went for food at Afuri as my partner wanted to try the Vegan ramen to which she said it was ok but nothing special. My cold dipping noodle dish was very tasty, however. We then stumbled across this vinyl listening bar called Bar Music on the 5^th floor of this pokey building on the outskirts of Shibuya for a few drinks before bed. There was such a good vibe in there and the cocktails were super good for the price. If you’re looking for a romantic spot, then this is the place to go.
Steps: 31,818
Day 5
Today we headed to Kyoto on the shinkansen around midday after a slow morning chilling in and around the hostel and catching up on some sleep. Checked in to the hostel and had a walk around downtown Kyoto, stopping at 2^nd Street to buy some more clothes.
In the evening, we headed to Kodai-Ji to see the shrine lit up at night. We couldn’t believe how few people were there as it was stunning and truly magical place to be at night. It also has a bamboo grove (much better than Arashiyama, see below). The bar for Kyoto shrines/temples had been set very high.
Walked down Pontocho alley and stopped at a yakitori restaurant which was just ok. We knew it was going to be average when we looked around the restaurant and it was just western tourists dining.
Steps: 25,255
Day 6
First thing in the morning we rented bikes and cycled across the city to Arashiyama. Parked the bikes at the train station and walked up through Arashiyama. We were expecting it to be busy but there were so many people it was almost impossible to move. Had a look around the bamboo grove and was slightly underwhelmed after our visit to Kodai-Ji so we took the tram and then bus up to Kosan-Ji. This was very much worth the 45-minute journey as there was only one other group there and the temple nestled between the trees overlooking the river was breath-taking. On the whole, Arashiyama was way too packed during peak times to enjoy and with everything else Kyoto has to offer we wouldn’t say it was a must see.
We then picked up the bikes from the train station and cycled back across Kyoto taking the long route to explore and get lost. Once we dropped off the bikes, we went for another explore and this time went into WeGo for more clothes shopping. At this point we’d pretty much matched the amount of clothing that we had packed in our checked-in luggage that was still stuck in Dubai.
After a nap we walked towards the metro and stopped at a Katsu restaurant as we wanted to try something different, and it was pretty good. For the price of 1300 yen each we got so much food/sake and left stuffed.
Fushimi Inari in the evening. Like Kodai-Ji, we would recommend visiting Fushimi Inari at night. Firstly, to help avoid the crowds (we got there around 9pm and there was hardly anybody there) and secondly as seeing it lit up at night is a nice change. It was however slightly creepy at night, especially as it was lightly raining. My partner started to get a bit scared once we saw the signs to be careful of the wild boar and monkeys haha. We didn’t make it to the top of Mt Inari as the rain started to get heavy but still very much enjoyed walking through the hundreds of tori gates, stopping off at the shrines and soaking up the history.
Steps: 23,686
Day 7
Today was a late start as even after 8 hours sleep the 25k plus steps a day was starting to catch up with us.
We took the metro to Shimogamo Shrine in north Kyoto. It was very peaceful and quiet however temple fatigue had definitely set in at this point. We then walked through Kyoto to the beginning of Philosophers path. We had seen on this sub that people recommend skipping it unless its Sakura season however we disagree. The path along the river is so pretty and atmospheric, along with the fish gently swimming along in the river.
Kyoto Hand Crafts Centre – if you have the money then this is a great place to pick up souvenirs.
Pre-booked Sushi Iwa for a 15 course Omakase. The food was amazing, but it came to an eye watering 28k yen each. The difference for our western palettes between mid-range sushi and exceptional sushi is negligible. Nonetheless it was a good experience and I’m glad that we did it.
Steps: 23,751
Day 8
Today was an empty day in terms of things we wanted to do, so used it to walk the city and explore.
We checked out the Nishiki market and ate various fried foods on sticks which were all pretty tasty. We then walked northwards, stopping for coffee before reaching the imperial palace. By this point we were very much bored of temples and structures of similar architecture, but we actually ended up enjoying walking the palace grounds and seeing the buildings more than we thought and would recommend it to those who find themselves in north Kyoto.
A leisurely walk back down towards downtown Kyoto, stopping off at a wicked standing soba joint. Forgotten the name but their curry soba was delicious.
Chao Chao gyozas (only veggie gyoza place we could find) for our evening meal before a night cap at the bar across the road before bed.
Steps: 23,304
Day 9
Shinkansen to Hiroshima arriving around 11am.
Checked into hostel and then went straight to the A-dome, peace memorial and museum. We thought the museum was very moving and captured the horror of the events that unfolded very well. A must see for sure.
Okonomiyaki at Okonomimura and then some vintage clothes shopping in Hondori.
Went back out for food in the evening and ended up getting Okonomiyaki again. This time it we enjoyed it a lot more than we did at lunch (probably because we got it covered in cheese). There are a few streets by Hiroshima station with lots of bars and restaurants on top of each other, much like Golden Gai in Shinjuku, however they are not super touristy and has a more laid-back feel to them.
We then went to some bars in the city centre. The best one we stumbled across was called Tropical Bar Revolucion. It was on the 8^th floor and the smoking balcony overlooked the city. Plus, the beers in there tasted so good and I’m not sure why.
Steps: 23,299
Day 10
A hungover morning. Headed to the Hiroshima National Gardens. Going to some gardens is my go-to hangover activity as its low effort, relaxing, and feels productive. These gardens in particular were great and we really appreciated the signs explaining the history behind the space. Overall, we enjoyed this more than the national gardens in Shinjuku.
Public baths near Dobashi in the afternoon. If you’re feeling brave enough to get your kit off in front of 10s of strangers, then this is a good experience. Male and female baths are separate. Can’t go wrong for 400 yen.
Went for a drink at Bar Pretty and then realised the effect of golden week on trying to get a table walking into a restaurant. Walked around for about an hour with no success so settled for food from a department store food court. Sounds miserable but the food was pretty good for the price, and it was busy in there, so it still had an atmosphere.
Steps: 29,487
Day 11
Miyajima Day. Took the ferry to the island arriving at 10:30am. The Ryokan staff met us at the port and collected our bags to take back to the hotel.
Had a mooch around the port area before doing the hike up Mt Misen. The climb to the top on a hot day is not to be underestimated. Sweating buckets, but the route and the view from the top was amazing and one of the standout highlights of the whole trip.
After descending Mt Misen, we bought some beers, oysters and, ice cream and sat along the beach wall and chilled in the sun for a couple hours. The hotel staff then picked us up from the ferry terminal, we checked in and went straight to the Onsen for a couple hours before dinner. Dinner was a traditional kaiseki meal (with more courses than I can remember) served in the banquet hall with the other guests.
While the staff converted our retro ryokan room and set up the futons we had a few more beers before bed.
Steps: 20,803
Day 12
Today we had a chilled morning on the island, having a stroll and stopping for some coffees. We then took the ferry back to Hiroshima, stopping for Okonomiyaki one more time, before taking the shinkansen to Osaka.
Checked into our hostel near Namba and went out for a walk around 8pm. When looking for somewhere to eat we walked past a sign for a vegetarian Indian restaurant called Shama. After nearly two weeks of pure Japanese food we were craving some variety so decided to head in. Located on the basement floor of a particularly run down looking building the restaurant was not the most glamorous. Barely enough space for 10 people, it was hot in there. A constant stream of people was coming in and out of the restaurant and we were lucky enough to walk in when there were two spaces available. From sitting down at the table to receiving our food we waited just under an hour. This would be enough to put most people off but fuck me the food was good when it did finally arrive. We got a selection of 4 different curries, naan breads and samosa. We left stuffed. If you’re in the area this is definitely a place worth checking out.
Steps: 25,502
Day 13
Our first stop of the day was the Umeda Sky Building. Not suitable if you are scared of heights as the glass elevator made our stomachs drop slightly. The views were impressive but we thought the price was a bit steep at 1500 yen each.
We then spent the afternoon wondering about near Namba and Shinsujibashi dropping into shops and picking up some food.
For dinner we made a reservation for a Mexican restaurant near Dotonbori. Massive margheritas, nachos and enchiladas. The food was great, and it shows by how busy the place was still at 10pm. It had been open since the late 70’s with the décor to match and it had a great atmosphere.
Steps: 27,290
Day 14
Checked out Tsuruhashi and Korea Town. Loved the market – dimly lit maze of numerous food and clothing vendors. Stopped to have some Korean stew and pancakes and it was delicious. One of the best meals of the trip.
Shinsekai in the evening. What I can describe as the armpit of Osaka. We loved it. Dirty? Yes. Rowdy? Yes. Rough around the edges with a red light district to top it all off. We had Kushikatsu to finish the evening off. Fried stuff on a stick – of course it going to be tasty but it wasn’t exactly flavour town.
Steps: 23,777
Day 15
Took the train to Minoh and hiked up the trail to see the waterfall. Hike was easy in comparison to Mt Misen and the waterfall was very cool to see. Had a wonder around Minoh stopping for some lunch at a Ramen bar.
We went to the Team lab botanical gardens in the evening. It was very awe inspiring seeing all the installations lit up.
After sampling Japanese McDonalds (I had a burger where the buns were made out of rice) we went for some drinks at Zerro. We liked this bar a lot, the guys working there were very friendly and it had a good vibe.
We then sat and watched the skaters at triangle park with some beers from the konbini before going to see Dj Masda at Circus until around 4am. This area of Osaka was such a vibe and came back here a few times over our 6 days here. Overall, a very fun evening.
Steps: 26,130
Day 16
Woke up chronically hungover but powered on and went to see a baseball game. You’re allowed to bring food and drink into the stadium (as long as alcohol is in plastic/paper cups) so we grabbed some beers and snacks from family mart. We had no idea what was happening but the atmosphere was electric and we enjoyed getting pissed and cheering.
Had a nap and then went to Hafez for middle eastern food. The food was good but not amazing, nothing in comparison to my local middle eastern restaurant back home. Chilled around the Namba park/Big step area. Loved this area so much, we are big into street fashion and culture so this place really ticked some boxes. Lots of skaters and street wear stores concentrated around here. Got an early night watching Battle Royale back at the hostel.
Steps: 22,065
Day 17
Today we went to the Umeda area. Popped into some shopping centres and had Omurice for lunch. It was tasty but not something I will crave when back home. Good experience trying it though. We then walked through Yodoyobashi along the rivers and got gelato and sat in the rose garden. The sun was beating down and we enjoyed just chilling in the sun eating our ice cream.
Compufunk Records were holding a party in their store. Decent gaff with some very welcoming and kind people to party with until the early hours.
Steps: 21,267
Day 18
We reluctantly left Osaka for Hakone today. Very sad to go but onwards to the next adventure. Took the shinkansen to Odawara and then the Hakone Tozan Train to Gora. Checked into our Ryokan and relaxed in the Onsen for a few hours.
Went for a walk around Gora and had dinner at the Ryokan before watching Predator in bed.
Steps: 16,926
Day 19
Today we did the Hakone Loop, starting early in Gora.
Started with the Open-air museum and it was great. We loved the installation and ended up spending 3 hours slowly making our way round. Got some cool photos as well for the gram.
Ropeway to Lake Ashi. This was absolutely terrifying. You have to swap cable cars 3 times on the way over and the warnings of the service being suspended due to the wind was announced at each stop. I’m not going to ruin the surprise, but one section made me literally freeze in terror due to the winds outside so try to do it on a calm weather day.
We then took the pirate boat (bit underwhelming) across the Lake and stopped for some soba noodles and a wander around. Unfortunately it was way too cloudy to even get a chance at seeing Mt Fuji.
Train to Kamakura and checked into our super cute traditional hostel near the beach.
Dinner at an Izakaya from the hostel owners recommendation. Food great and beers slipped down a treat. First time I tried Yuzu Kosho as well – I’m now addicted to the stuff and literally cover all my food with it.
Steps: 19,512
Day 20
A slow start to the morning. Weather was pretty bad but we still managed to hit all the main sights in Kamakura. Big Buddha was a refreshing sight from the temples. Did some shopping up Komachi Dori. Highlight of the day was Hukokaji temple. It was so peaceful and zen in the rain with its very own matcha tea ceremony backdropped by bamboo forest. This turned out to be our second favourite temple/shrine we visited, just being beaten by Kodaji.
In the evening we went for Sushi at a conveyor belt place. Figured this would probably be my last Japanese sushi of the trip so devoured 7000 yen worth of sushi and beer. Went back to the hostel and invited some of the other guests to drink with us. The owner of the hostel had some bayberry homebrew, so we got stuck into that.
Steps: 20,494
Day 21
Enoshima Island is just a 25 min train from Kamakura. Started off the day by walking to the top of the island to get French toast and a beer with a lovely view across the bay. We then headed up the Sea candle to check out the observation deck, still the illusive Mt Fuji hides behind the clouds.
We then bought admission to the caves beneath the island which was pretty cool. I won’t ruin the surprise but there’s something waiting for you at the end of one of the caves.
Had an explore around the rockpools near the caves and took some cool photos. We then had a pizza with fish on which was pretty crazy. Walked around the island a little bit more and I picked up some more Japanese denim which wasn’t the cheapest but the quality of the trousers are great and will last me a lifetime.
Back to Tokyo in the evening.
Went for Izakaya around Asakusa and popped into a couple bars. One was called Not Suspicious and the whole bar was covered in handwritten notes by patrons. Very touristy but quite cool at the same time. Our favourite was a drawing of Mario saying It’s a Me Muthafucka.
Steps: 25,903
Day 22
First stop was Don Quiojte to pick up some Yuzu Kosho (if you know you know) and weird flavoured KitKats.
Kappabashi Dougu street to purchase a fine Japanese carbon stell Santoku. Honestly in love with this knife so much. The people at the store were very happy to hear exactly what I was looking for and even let me try before you buy on some daikon radish.
While in Asakusa I had to return to the place where I put the best thing in my mouth in Japan. Motenashi Kuroki. Switched it up this time and had their classic Shio ramen plus the duck rice as a side. Honestly this place is amazing, and you have to go there if you have time. They aren’t veggie/pescy friendly so my partner went for one last round of sushi round the corner. We met up at a massage chair parlour and spent 30 mins relaxing in the chairs.
We had a bright idea to watch the sunset one last time so headed over to the rooftop park on a department store in Shibuya. Sipping on an ice cold Kirin, the sun slowly dropped behind the distant mountains and we knew our trip had come to an end. How symbolic.
Flight at 11pm from Haneda.
Steps: 23,187
On reflection:
I honestly think this trip was almost perfect in terms of hitting our interests and travel style. There was a good balance of doing the typical first time visit to Japan sights and activities while still exploring and seeing what we came across in the moment.
It hard to pinpoint exact highlights of the trip as everywhere we visited had so much going for it in different ways. We loved the rugged and trendy vibe to Osaka, and I think this would be the city I would most want to live in for a considerable amount of time (If I had to choose). Miyajima was also stunning and a great overnight trip with the Ryokan experience. We also underestimated how much we would enjoy Kamakura with its laid-back surfer vibe and access to Enoshima Island.
One random memorable moment that has stuck with me was when we landed at Narita airport, we took the limo bus to Shinjuku. As the driver pulled away, all the staff at the station turned and bowed in unison. It felt so special to first observe a culture totally opposite to the one I grew up with and was at this point I knew I had embarked on the trip of a lifetime.
If I could go back and change something I would probably miss out Hakone and do an extra day in one of the major cities. This isn’t because we didn’t enjoy Hakone, but we feel like it’s a place that needs more time to soak in what’s going on around you (plus the weather was bad when we were there). This being said the Open-Air Museum was amazing and we enjoyed it more than the Teamlab botanical gardens so the trip up the mountains was worth it just for that.
So, how much did we spend per person (not inc flights)?
Accommodation - £765pp
Given that we spent a couple nights in Ryokans raising the average price slightly, we were pretty happy with the accommodation costs. We stayed in a mix of private room and shared dorm hostels and pretty much all of them were spot on. Travelling as a couple meant that anywhere with a private room split the price between 2. The only hostel we didn’t like was the one in Hiroshima, there wasn’t anything in particularly wrong with it, there was just a really bad vibe from the owner and other guests.
Transport - £344pp
This includes shinkansen to and from all the major cities as well as our suica top ups for metros and buses. Unless your itinerary is something like 3 days Tokyo, 2 days Osaka 2 days Kyoto then there really isn’t any point getting the JR pass now that the price has increased.
Activities – £280pp
It is hard to give an exact amount for activities and food as 1) I didn’t track what we spent our cash on and 2) my partner and I would take in turns paying for things like temple admission. That being said I’ve allocated 25% of the cash we spent to activities such as temple admission. Activities includes our baseball tickets plus club entries as well as temple and museum admissions etc.
Food – £962pp
As above, its hard to give an exact amount for food. On the whole we tried to eat cheap with possible, especially at the start of our trip. There were a few expensive meals peppered in plus we ate out twice a day towards the end of our trip as we realised we were under budget.
The total is a bit skewed as this includes all the alcohol we bought in bars as well as the konbini trips for beers and cigarettes. I estimate that booze accounts for around a third of the total per person. If you would like to do Japan on a budget, reducing the booze will make a big difference.
Shopping/Souvenirs/Gifts – £607 (just me)
We went hard with the shopping. We didn’t actually receive our checked in luggage until day 19 so we had to buy all new clothes and cosmetics. If this wasn’t the case, then I don’t think I would have spent so much (airline is comping us for the additional clothing bought anyway). I also bought a fairly expensive chef knife and Japanese denim pieces, plus lots of gifts for friends and family. Obviously, this number could theoretically 0 if you are on a serious budget and did no shopping but I really underestimated Japanese shopping, especially thrifting. Also, given our cheap choices when it came to accommodation we could afford to splurge. However just to note my partner spent less than half than I did on shopping.
Total: £2958 (582,628 yen at time of writing)
I kept within my budget of £3000. I definitely got a bit frivolous with the cash in the last few days or so, if being as careful as I was towards the start of the trip, I think the total would be closer to £2500.
Disappointments
Takoyaki. We thought it was going to be all about the octopus but were disappointed with our balls of sloppy goo surrounding tiny chewy pieces of octopus. We tried it twice and couldn’t get behind it. Sorry Takoyaki fans.
Arashiyama. Way too busy, especially around the main station and bamboo grove. If it’s the bamboo you are going to see, then Kodaji is a much better spot.
Dotonburi. Albeit we were there in golden week, and it was pretty busy. However, I get the feeling this area has fallen to the past its golden days title and has become a bit of a cash cow for places selling spiralised potatoes on a stick. The area around Namba park was a better option for us.
Tips
Konbini. Absolute life saver for snacks and drinks on the go. The food quality for a convenience store is higher than most other countries so we had no problem with grabbing a meal from one to help keep within our budget.
Don’t over pack – even though we didn’t get our checked in bags, I still packed light so had plenty of space to bring stuff back. Emirates give you your allowance by weight rather than number of baggage so we could check in additional bags on the way back.
Don’t be scared of hostels. If you don’t want to brave the shared dorms, then most hostels offer private rooms with just the shower and toilet shared. Obviously, it’s cheaper if there are two people sharing a room.
Don’t stress about cash. Most places take debit/credit card and if they don’t, you’re never more than 5 minutes from a konbini ATM.
For us, golden week didn’t seem that big of an issue. No problems booking shinkansen around GW. We spent most of GW in Osaka, as such it was going to be busy anyway so maybe we didn’t see much of a difference from normal numbers in the spring.

I (29m) recently started dating (not exclusive, not boyfriend / girlfriend, just getting to know each other) a new woman (33f) after leaving a long term relationship (over 10 years) with an ex (28f). I haven’t really dated before (I was asked out by my ex early on in high school and never dated before) so dating is new to me. When meeting new people I avoid over sharing information about my past romantic history early on unless asked very specifically about it. For example, I will share information about my past history like when we broke up, why we broke up, what I learned, and on but I’ll avoid more details about how involved we were together (e.g. living situation, traumatic events, etc) or particularly difficult topics for me until I get to know the person more.
I’ve started slowly dating one woman. On date two (about a month ago) she casually brought up pets and asked about my experience with animals (would you ever want a pet, have you taken care of a dog before, etc). I talked about my experience with pets early on in my childhood but did not discuss the dog that my ex bought for emotional support (despite my objections) and that I helped care for in the last two years of our relationship. I avoided this topic because my ex and I got into a particularly nasty argument splitting up property (I had expected her to not fight me over certain sentimental items in exchange for me not trying to fight for her dog, which didn’t go as expected) a week before the second date. I knew that if I brought up my ex’s dog I would probably get upset and I didn’t want to trauma dump or throw things off on our date, so I didn’t mention it.
We’re going on date four later this week. Last week we talked about deeper relationship questions. She talked about how she really values transparency, being direct and avoiding white lies with a partner which are things I value too. I was remembering the pet discussion last night and this morning I now feel conflicted - maybe even ashamed - of avoiding talking about the dog before. I wasn’t trying to misrepresent who I am to her, just avoiding a sensitive topic early on, but I feel like in doing so I may have misrepresented myself and I feel bad about that because it doesn’t align with my values (even though this wasn’t a white lie). I don’t really know how to handle under sharing vs lying by omission though. It seems like a gray line unless you always default to over sharing.
So my questions here: 1. Would you characterize my actions as lying by omission or undersharing? 2. How do you recommend tackling lying by omission vs under sharing in the future? How do you draw the line? 3. How can I go about making things right here? I want to tell her eventually, but I’m not sure about the best way to bring this up.

This post has the title corrected, it is not an attempt at spam. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Yes, some of you may have seen my previous post asking for advice for a RoomHacks editor. I make this publication because, in truth, I believe that for a single person it is quite difficult to achieve this.do so much (and more for someone who is going to start. The program is very good, although I get confused with quite a few things and need time to learn)
What I'm great at is inventing and writing history, one that is emotional and compassionate, but at the same time has a good happy ending (obviously normal PMDs have those characteristic sad/happy endings, which are great). On the other hand, I can understand that many are distrustful, since perhaps they only work with people they trust. However, to give you an example, I can say that I have written some librettos for opera (one of them commissioned), works in verse, such as poems and some romantic songs.
I apologize if my request sounds very shameless, or even if I don't see the right to ask where I could find a partner. I beg you not to think badly, I would really like to embark on such an experience. If you want to know the synopsis (what I will do in Fanfic), I leave it below:
A long time ago, Arceus, father of all Pokémon and lord of the Universe, released a powerful energy never seen before: the Aurel. In that way, the celestial vault of the world could support the weight of the entire cosmos, granting life, peace and health to the inhabitants of the planet. One fine day, Xerneas and Darkrai (sons of Arceus), faced each other in a fierce battle whose reason remains in the deepest darkness... It is This caused a fatal imbalance in the vault, leaving it severely damaged. Everyone tried to stop them, but in the end there was a ceasefire. However, as time passed, Arceus realized of this, but instead of showing his rage and anger, he decided to carry out a plan to fix it...
The natural disasters were many, but over time they ceasedwithout knowing that they were facing the one chosen by Arceus, but Darkrai's Fury was reborn, ready to defeat the God of Life once and for all.... Thus we reach our days, in which a human turned into Charmander fell into that new world... A Pokémon family adopted him as their own son,without knowing that they were facing the one chosen by Arceus... To save the world and stop both from a devastating new fight, in exchange for something very special: staying in the Pokémon world.
Let's see what you think.

Good morning, men and women of this subreddit I hope you're having a good day.
I come to you with a situation that happened to me a couple of days ago and that I haven't been able to get out of my head. To begin with, I'm a man (25) and for a couple of years now, I made the decision to put aside everything related to romantic matters or going out on dates with other people, because the last time I opened my heart, things went really wrong, very wrong, and let's say that my love mourning has been long (Much longer than I would like.) Anyway, the situation was like this.
A couple of days ago, around 7:30 pm, it was raining and I left my job to buy a coffee, as I do once a week at a bar & restaurant. When I entered, I ordered my coffee and waited. Then, a well-dressed Asian woman (by well-dressed I mean a high-value businesswoman) approached me and asked if I was a certain Fabian. I quickly told her no, and a look of disappointment crossed her face. Uncomfortably due to the confusion, she apologized to me. I just told her not to apologize and asked her about the issue. She became uncomfortable and after much hesitation, she told me that she had a date but the guy hadn't shown up after 15 minutes.
After receiving my coffee, we talked, and a little while later, she invited me to her table. I had time to spare before taking the bus home. To keep this short, it turns out that her appearance didn't lie, and this woman had a lot of money and was living in my country for business purposes, she had been here for a year and a half. She told me about the many things she had and how, at her age, it was very difficult for her to find a partner, let alone someone to marry (she looked to be in her late 30s). I won't lie, I liked meeting her, however, I felt uncomfortable when I had to tell her about myself.
With some discomfort, I told her about myself, about living with my parents and how I was saving up to buy a house or an apartment, about my job as an IT support and my decision not to have romantic relationships. I'm sure I saw how disappointed she was to hear this. I wasn't comfortable telling her all this, but in my head, "It was only fair." The thing is, there was a silence, not an uncomfortable one, but a sad one. In the end, she asked if I wanted to accompany her home to hang out. I, on the other hand, even more uncomfortable, just told her no, because I had never had relationships before (We never got that far with my previous partner, I know, sad) and also because I shouldn't choose a partner in this way just because she was desperate. She just said she felt very lonely.
The truth is, I understood her, I have also felt more alone lately. Anyway, I saw the time on my phone and told her I had to go or I would miss my bus, we said goodbye, and I wished her luck in her search for love.
Several days have passed since then, and for some reason, I haven't been able to get this woman out of my head, mostly because somehow I thought I had finished with romantic issues in my life, but this situation has made me feel sad and lonely again. Maybe I saw myself reflected in her or something, I really don't know. There are a couple of things I left out to not make this longer than it should be, but anyway, I wanted to tell this because I still have doubts about why these feelings of sadness and loneliness have returned to me.
Anyway, I wish you all a good day and a better week.

Hello! I (F25) have been dating this guy (M22) for one month now. We’ve seen eachother once every week. When we are in person, he is very kind, caring, romantic. There have been silences/ a lack of conversation sometimes in person but that’s fine because that’s just early dating.
However, we don’t talk much in between the dates. I try to ask him questions or talk a bit more about his day and he gives me short responses. I am a very emotional person and really want to connect with him on a deeper level, and I don’t know if he just doesn’t want to, there’s a guard up or that just isn’t in his nature.
We were meant to meet up one day the other week and he didn’t confirm plans and I messaged him and he seemed a bit distant, so i left it. I messaged him then again asking if he was still interested in dating and he said he was and that that’s just the way he is, he doesn’t need to message all the time to prove a point once he’s gotten to know someone better and it was a misunderstanding/ he thought we both forgot.
Also I lost my virginity to him which I don’t regret, it was a great experience, but he was a bit cold after and the morning after. I’m just so torn because I do like him but sometimes he just feels so distant. I know I should bring it up again but I don’t want to feel like I’m being difficult or expecting too much too soon, or maybe genuinely he just isn’t someone who likes going deep or connecting much outside of in person. Should I just go with the flow and see if he asks me on another date? Bring it up to him? Any thoughts or advice would be so much appreciated.

I, closeted (27M) started texting this guy (27M) in Grindr last Wednesday. During the first day we exchanged a couple of text, but he was kinda ignoring me for the day.
On Thursday, the conversation was way different. He made a lot of jokes and I found them super funny. He mentioned I was not looking to be his partner and I told him that was not the case. We started texting a lot during that day, learned a lot about each other.
He told me he was a pilot, but when it got serious he told me was an entrepreneur and also a pilot as a hobby. I started sharing I’ve been wanting to start my own business as well and he encouraged me. He also told me he wanted to take a sailing course and I told him I've been wanting to do that for a while. He proposed me to take me with him and told me he was getting nervous thinking on how romantic it could be being both of us alone sailing. I also invited him to come with me to a wedding. We started making a lot of plans on traveling and stuff.
At some point I told him I was moving abroad in two months and by this point we haven’t exchanged pics. I gave him my WhatsApp and we started texting there. Then, we exchanged pics and he told me he thought I was cute and wanted to meet on Friday. I said of course and we kept texting during until night.
On Friday morning he said hi to me and we talked a little bit, I sent him a video and he stopped responding. I didn’t push it because maybe he was working of busy. I told him during Thursday I didn’t work at all because we were texting all day and he told me it was also his case. But when night arrived he never texted so I thought something came up, maybe he got busy or something cause he told me he needed to move a work meeting for us to meet.
I realized he blocked me on Grindr but not in WhatsApp. So on Saturday I texted him and he was online but didn’t reply. I ended it by telling him I suppose he had a reason to blocked me and I changed plans for us to meet to, but again I got no reply.
I’m destroyed, he brought up he usually gets attached to fast and I told him I did as well. I’ve been felling like crap and in bed since then. Why did he do this to me? We were so honest with our feelings? He told me he wanted to protect me.

Hi Morgan, Longtime listener, first time writing in. My best friend and I are having trouble figuring out the right thing to do in this situation and wanted to get an outside perspective. Buckle up because this is a LONG one because theres a lot of backstory that’s necessary.
Would we be the assholes if we didn’t attend our childhood best friends wedding?
There is a lot of context in this storyline so I’ll try to give a lot of detail. We start in January of 2023, my best friend, Greta(26F) and I(26F) get in contact with one of our childhood best friends, Laura (26F), and plan a visit to catch up on the past 10ish years that we’ve been apart. Laura moved away from our hometown when we were 15. Now Greta and I live about 2 hours from where Laura moved to when we were young, so we reached out and invited her and her fiancé Logan(26M) up to stay with us and hang out.
They come visit, we have such a great time, her fiancé was pretty quiet and distant the whole time, but the 3 of us together were big talkers so I just chalked it up to him not being able to get a word in and they left. In March they came back to visit again and announced to us that they were moving a few states away. We were really sad, but happy for them since they were getting to move somewhere that they’d wanted to be for a while. They were going to elope together after a few months but Logan had a university study abroad for a month in Japan so they were going to wait until after.
So, he leaves for Japan in May, and while he is away a girl reaches out to Laura from the college that Logan attends. This girl tells Laura that her friend had been getting really close with Logan, uncomfortably so and she wanted to give Laura a heads up that she thought they were romantically involved. Greta and I were worried but Laura brushed it off and said it was probably nothing, so Greta and I dropped it because we didn’t feel close enough to Laura to tell her we felt like she should look into it more.
Flash forward 2 weeks into Logan’s study abroad, he calls Laura at 5AM to let her know that he doesn’t think he wants to get married anymore. She’s distraught but has to go into work that morning and calls us after to let us know. We support her, you know he fucking sucks for doing that not only over the phone but right before she went into work, real shady. Greta and I are very worried about Laura because Laura really wants to make it work, but we still don’t say anything because we just want to be there for her.
He gets back and agrees to go to couples counseling, they do couples counseling for 2 weeks, during this time he repairs her car. Replaces a tire, breaks, oil change, the works, he’s been working with cars for a long time, so this was no biggie. Well after that two weeks, Laura comes home to all of Logan’s stuff packed and he tells her it’s over and he’s moving back home. He leaves. She’s devastated. We comfort her, come up and visit her, and tell her that she doesn’t need him and she slowly starts getting over him. Meanwhile she gives us A TON of context about her relationship with Logan. She paid for his college, he has had no job for the past 2 years while getting his degree, so she had been financially supporting them both. She paid for his trip to Japan, he put her in 20K of credit card debt, and more in personal loans, etc. Then in couples therapy told her he wasn’t attracted to her because she made money and he didn’t (so weird).
So immediately Greta and I are like, “Girl, we had a bad feeling, we wanted to tell you but didn’t want to upset you, we’re just glad you’re finally out of that mess”. She tells us that next time we should come to her and be honest with her, we apologize and agree. Then one day Laura calls us to tell us that she almost got into a really bad car accident. She lives in a mountainous area and her breaks went out on her when she was driving on the interstate on a hill, she managed to pull of into a grass median and slow the car down.
She gets the car towed to a mechanic that night and heads to work the next morning. Mechanic calls her midday. He asks he who worked on her car last, she said “My ex” and he said “Is he still in your life?” she said no. And he said “Good, Because I’ve never seen anything like this in my 20 years as a mechanic.” Her brake fluid hadn’t been connected so all the break fluid drained out. Her brake pads weren’t fastened/screwed in to the wheels, the were just placed in there. And he back tire bolts were stripped so hard that he said he tire probably would’ve come off had she kept driving.
Later that week, Logan asks to talk to her, she agrees only to get closure on the situation. Well he calls and begs her to get back together, she says no absolutely not. Then he asks” How’s the car?” She said, “Well I almost died last week”, he immediately jumped to the defensive “Well, that had nothing to do with me, I didn’t do anything” a very guilty response, so we were all convinced he tried to kill her. She filed a police report on him and started moving on. This is in July.
Now we move into part two of this debacle. My partner and I go up to visit her in September and she’s doing well on her own, she’s having fun, dating around, putting herself first, in therapy, just doing really well, were happy for her. She hasn’t really made any friends which is making her lonely but we were telling her to get involved in clubs and meet people, etc.
We leave our trip which was really fun and head back home. 2 weeks later, Laura says she’s met this really great guy, its almost October at this point, she’s gone on multiple dates with him and really likes him, were happy for her, still a bit concerned, but if she’s happy we’re happy. So Laura, Greta, and I plan a girls trip to come up and visit Laura for a long weekend. Laura wants us to vet this new guy, make sure he’s a good dude. She tells us she really values our input and so Greta and I are so excited to go on this trip with an open mind. November rolls around, one month before our trip and Laura announces that the new guy, we’ll call him Will (29M) has moved in with her, bringing his dog with him. Greta and I are a bit shocked but we didn’t say anything bc we’ve both done stuff like that before and Laura was struggling to keep up with rent on her own (she was still in the house that her ex fiancé left her in) so we knew she could use a roommate.
December is finally here and Greta and I hop on a plane and Will and Laura pick us up from the airport, first impression in the car was fine, he seemed nice, he drove us back to their place and we walk into the house. I come face to face with a completely different living room than I saw in September, all of Laura’s art and stuff are moved out of the living room replaced with the following: a giant poster of Elon Musk smoking a joint, a poster model of a rocket, a poster of Jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun. And a bookshelf full of Will’s books and Lego sets on display. Alarm bells are going off in my head and Greta’s at this point. We have a little conversation and because it’s late, we go to bed. We sleep in a room that outside of the house in the backyard, it has full heating so its basically just like a bedroom with a deadbolt. I double lock the dead bolts and we go to bed.
At 3am I’m woken up by Greta shaking me in a panic, asking me if I remembered to double deadbolt the door, I told her I did and that were okay and we both went back to sleep. When we woke up the next day, and she told me she had a weird feeling that he was gonna come in our room in the night. I agreed, and told her that was why I double dead bolted the door.
We go through our girls trip which ended up not being a girls trip at all, Will was by our side the entire time. Laura and he talked about looking at ENGAGEMENT RINGS, they bought a ring sizer, she was picking out her faves. He never let us have girl time except for one hour trip we took downtown to window shop. He would come sit in Greta and my room when we were talking with Laura, he would watch movies with us, he went everywhere with us. Not only that but in the middle of conversations, he would pull out his guitar and just start playing in the middle of us talking, or when we sat down to watch a movie. There is one bathroom in the house, and the main house part is very small about 650 square feet, my friend Greta has bathroom anxiety, she doesn’t like to poop in public places so she asked Laura and I if we would grab Will and the dog, and just go for a quick walk around the block while she used the bathroom. It was no biggie, so we got ready and went on a walk, we got 20 feet out the door and Will starts griping about how he doesn’t want to be outside and that Greta is a selfish pooper, and continues to complain the entire time were outside. We don’t even go for a walk, we stop at the corner of the street and just stand there because he doesn’t want to go any further.
At this point I’m annoyed with this guy, he just seems really controlling. To add to it, he didn’t want to go for a hike in the mountains, so Laura didn’t want to go so we ended up spending the entire weekend inside their house basically, even though we were in a beautiful area, and hiking is a group favorite, because he didn’t want to go. We didn’t. Also this is a personal anger of mine but I bought a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts (they were $18, which is crazy) and he ate EIGHT OF THEM. it pissed me off so bad, I had to hide the box that night just so I had 1 donut left over in the morning. Anyway onto the big finale.
Our last night there we finished up watching a movie and the events that unfold all happen within 3 minutes, keep that in mind. Laura had taken an edible so she was pretty out of it, like laying on top of the dog, whispering, just all around sounding really tired. Will says hes gonna take her to bed and Greta and I say were gonna get ready for bed in the bathroom. Bedroom and bathroom are five steps fro each other. I brush my teeth and use the bathroom while Greta is brushing hers and then I walk out of the bathroom and tell Greta that I’m grabbing my stuff to head over to our outside bedroom. I grab my bag from the kitchen counter, which is right next to their bedroom door. The bedroom door is open so I say goodnight to both of them and tell Greta I’ll see her in a sec, she’s just finishing up. Maybe 45 seconds pass and I’m waiting in our bedroom when I get 3 texts from Greta “OH MY GOD” “HELP” “HOLY SHIT”, Greta comes running out of the house, slamming the back door, and I run up to her.
She tells me that they were loudly having sex in their bedroom with the door open, mind you the bathroom is 5 steps from the bedroom. the kitchen counter is right next to the bedroom and Greta had to walk over to it to grab her stuff.
We are freaked the fuck out at this point not only was it super disrespectful but Greta was super affected by it, which who wouldn’t be it was disturbing. Because mere moments before Laura went to bed she was so high. And I smoke regularly so I know what it looks like when someone is super high and I hadn’t gotten that high in a long time. She was very out of it. So this really bothered us both.
The next day, were ready to go home, we get to the airport where they drop us off and once the two of us are in the airport we both look at each other and both just say “that was horrible”, we both felt like the entire trip we had a bad feeling about him and didn’t want to ruin the vibes of the trip so we just didn’t say anything about it. So were sitting in the terminal writing down a list of all the red flags, all the instances where he gave us a bad feeling. And overall just as a person he gave us a really bad feeling. Just gross, nasty, icky feeling. Not sure how to describe it well but I just knew something was off and Greta said she felt the same.
Laura had asked us to give our opinion on what we thought of him so we drafted up a letter to her, with key moments and points that we felt were big signs that he may not be a good guy. It includes everything we went over in this story, I didn’t want to supply to much of our opinion on the situation but I know that my bias comes out in this story a bit.
We wrote to her, and she responded to us with basically “I appreciate your concern, I will take your opinions into consideration” Its worth it to note that they were talking about getting engaged in March of 2024 (It is Early December 2023 at this point) and in our letter we told her that she should give their relationship more time, and get to know him better before they get engaged.
Our relationship with her after that became very one sided, Greta and I tried our best to keep messaging her but she really never responded so we kind of gave up. End of January we get a text from her, a picture of her and him she has an engagement ring on, “We’re engaged!” Greta and I respond with a Congrats! and a heart emoji, we’re super concerned but we have genuinely said all we can in that letter a little over a month before, so It didn’t feel right to say it again.
March she posts her “I said yes to the dress post” with Wills mom and his two sisters. She still doesn’t have any friends up where she lives so it makes sense for her to bring his family along. She didn’t message us about it, which is fair because we hadn’t been talking. We just thought they were getting eloped, because Greta has always said she wanted something small since she isn’t super close with her family (they’re not great).
So we left it there until last week I received an invitation in the mail to their wedding. Its this September on a Monday night.
Greta and I would have to pay around $500 each in order to even go to the wedding, calculating in airfare, shared rental car, shared hotel room, and that doesn’t even include, food, gas, wedding gift, etc. The two of us are not well of financially, we both live paycheck to paycheck so it would be really hard for us to go in general not to mention that the wedding is on a Monday night, so I have to take off extra days of work that I really don’t have. Same with my best friend, were in the same industry so wen have the same days off and all of that.
And I know it took us a while to get here but would we be the assholes if we decided not to attend her wedding?
TLDR: Best friend’s ex fiance tries to kill her in past relationship, she moves on two months later, her new partner moves in with her 3 weeks after dating. We go visit her and meet him, he’s go a lot of red flags, we tell our best friend, she distances herself and gets engaged weeks later. Invites us to her wedding in September that is also on a Monday. AWTA?

Last night I ended up going overboard and drinking considerably too much, but fortunately not enough to forget everything. For some brief context, I had set up a night with my current FP and we decided we were just going to have some wine and chat.
It turned out to be a fantastic time until getting sick, but what's weird is how I felt while I was drunk. I've never experienced this before but I almost felt disassociated from my BPD. I felt muted, and was surprised that I was not feeling my emotions with the same level of extreme intensity that I usually did. Also, before this night I was constantly writhing about my romantic interest with my FP. I was undeniably in love with her (which caused me a lot of pain since she has a long time boyfriend). But, this night I didn't feel any romantic love towards her. I just felt like we were two great friends chatting and having a lovely time. We were more intimate than ever before--hugging, hand holding, constantly touching each other--which you would think would be my paradise but I actually just felt still like we were friends.
Then the morning came. Hungover, but still relishing the great moments with her, I wrote her a long string of texts expressing my gratitude and reaffirming my love for her as her friend. Despite saying "I love you too" back to me last night, she responded to my texts with three short lines saying she was happy to help and asked how I felt. The short response, not saying I love you, and her ignoring my request to hang out again immediately made me split. I used all my willpower to not totally freak the fuck out, but it hurt so bad.
So that's where we are now. I am trying hard not to split, but I am in agony over her not being as affectionate as she was last night. I feel more dependent on her than ever before, but I can't tell if my romantic feelings have come back or not. I don't think they have, but more than ever I just feel like I need to hold onto her so tightly so she won't leave me.
If anyone has any similar experiences please share them. This was overall a strange experience even beyond splitting I am frazzled and not sure how to feel. Any advice is also welcome. Actually, please provide advice if you have it lol--I am really struggling here

About a year ago, I [31F] made a big move to another state and city for a job opportunity, leaving my husband [30M] behind to handle things back home. Initially, it felt liberating—I explored new hobbies, reconnected with old ones, and enjoyed a bustling social life. But everything changed once my husband joined me. Despite working from home with flexible hours, he barely lifts a finger around the house, always wants to be by my side, and demands silence that stifles my passions. Back when I mostly worked from home, I managed all the chores myself, only dragging him along for weekend errands. Despite my constant complaints about his lack of attention to my needs and interests, he seems to have lost all enthusiasm for me, leaving me feeling unappreciated and neglected. Lately, the strain has been unbearable, with panic attacks and nausea every morning and sleep becoming a distant memory. While I'm grappling with all of this, my husband's only concern is why I'm not in the mood for intimacy. He complains how his work is stressful (while working only part-time compared to my sometimes 16hrs days), and I am not understanding to his problems. He started to try to fix some things, but it feels half-assed. Recently one of my friends showed some interest in me, and while he is too good of a person to pursue a married woman, he made me feel alive again, and I started to feel like maybe my romantic relationship does not have to look like this. I'm at a crossroads—should I fight to salvage what's left of this marriage, or is it time to accept that it's beyond repair?

Next month will be two years since my boyfriend (22M) and I (22W) broke up. We started dating in 2019, which was the summer before out senior year of highschool. Prior to us dating, I accepted a college offer in Florida and he planned on going to aviation school in our home state in the midwest. Everything was perfect when we were together and we had no problems. It was the healthiest relationship, that made me feel on top of the world. We would do spontaneous stuff all the time, hangout almost everyday, and he was my absolute best friend.
The first year at college came around quick. He helped move me into my dorm and the day we left each other we were both crying in the airport. We both would visit at least once a month the first year and everything was normal. Towards the end of our first year in college and seemed to stop caring and trying much less. I was the only one asking to facetime, planning trips to see one another, and virtual dates. He was in aviation school and had to spend a great amount of time with his studies and flying, so I tried to understand that we are both just busy. He started to make a ton of friends, which was different thatn me because I was only allowed to be in my dorm due to covid so my only friends were my roomates.
This was a bit of a change because he would be busy often with his friends and I would sometimes feel like a loser when I would be waiting around for his calls.. but when he would call I would get SO excited and it was the beset part of my day. The calls started to be less and less. I would call him too of course, but he started to seem to have less and less time for me.
My sophomore year the relationship gradually started to get worse. He forgot to buy me anything for Valentines day and forgot my birthday. He would constantly miss online dates I was planning ( I planned because he didn't make initiative to). All I ever told him was that it didn't matter at all what he got me EVER, I just really appreciate the thought. I even told him I would send him the card and as long as he wrote in it I would love it (now looking back.. pathetic). After valentines, he said happy birthday on the wrong day and sent me an e-gift card to chipotle to my email. Of course I appreciated anything, but I was sad because I knew once again that he just hadn't cared enough and forgotten.
The thing that really changed our relationship was when I caught him lying about going to a strip club. I personally don't like strip clubs. I have been and find it disgusting. The men watch like absolute dogs and often times show little respect for the women. My boyfriend's friends on facetime would say " Can he go to the strip club? Come on! The place has ugly strippers anyways so It'll be funny". I said he can do whatever he wants and whatever he finds respectful to our relationship. I had the discussion in private with my boyfriend before and he showed no interest in going to a strip club and has declined himself in the past. Either way if they were going to either make fun or these women or to observe hot women, I find it disrepectful.
I ended up finding out via his friends snapchat story that they went. I confronted him the next morning and he tried lying and saying they didnt go. He ended up admitting and apologizing and saying he "knew I would be mad". I was more bothered that he lied to me rather than the fac the actually went. I NEVERRR took him for someone who would lie. He always told the truth because he didn't see any point in lying. In highschool one of his friends got caught smoking and his parents asked if he did it. Even though he wasn't even caught he just said yes because he said he saw no point in lying to them. There were just so many indications that he wasn't someone I would ever have to worry abou tlying or cheating. We fully trusted each other and were always honest.
This changed the dynamic for myself and I stopped trusting him. I remember checking through his phone once, which is something I would never ever imagine myself doing. At this time I was struggling with mental illness bad which didn't help the situation for me. I found nothing on his phone except for all pictures of us and messages between us and his family. I felt really guilty and knew I should never had done it, but I knew I no longer had trusted him the same anymore, which would eventually never come back.
Fast forward a few months into sophmore year of college and we start talkin gless and less. He was going without talking to me for days, I probably could've been missing for 48 hours and he wouldnt have known lolll. I eventually asked if he didn't want to be together anymore and got a "Thats what its feeling like" so I called it off from there. I discussed with him his lack of effort and he said it was because of the distance. Me personally, I am someone who would rather wait 2 years until we are out of college rather than never see him again,, but that feeling was not mutual. He also told me it just " wasn't fun anymore" , I needed to work on myself, and that he felt like he didn't know how to help me at times ( I have bad depression but often tried not to show it to him)
We went no contact for months and then ended up seeing each other again. We saw eachother for three days and slept together on the last day. I remember crying in his bathroom the last day because I knew it wasn't right and nothing changed. Since It just really didn't seem like anything changed and I distanced myself after this trip. We really didn't talk after that and within a short few months he had a new girlfriend. I was not surprised from this because he had never gone long without being in a relationship and seemed to always be in one since we knew each other from a young age. He was my first boyfriend and first person I had ever had sex with, so I think this has something to do with why I am having a hard time getting over it.
When we first broke up I would check his socials all the time and even found he had a new girlfriend from his Venmo account. I couldnt help myself from looking and would make myself feel worse everytime i looked. This last 6 months to a year I have really tried to not look at all his stuff, but I CONSTANTLY have dreams of him. Sometimes more than others, but I would say I at least have one dream every two weeks. This week I have dreamed about him the past three days every time i close my eyes. The dreams range from being happy to sad to angry. Lately they have been happy, but I try hard to differentiate that the dream is really not who he is.
He changed over the years we were together, and by the time we were done it just was not the same guy I fell in love with. My issues are the constant dreams reminding me of him and the fact I still feel really crushed over it. I don't understand how he could say he wanted to be with me forever and is my soul mate, and then do that to me. I often have questioned if Love is real after the break up, and find it hard believing I will ever find a connection like that again. I find it extremely hard to find someone I have feeling for in a romantic way because I refuse to drop my standards and the fish in the sea are seeming a little limited.
My question is how can I get over this broken heart? I feel I have done the right things and have not slept around with anyone, went to the gym, started new hobbies, but the aching feeling doesn't go away. It's felt unbearable lately and I feel the similar chest pain as the initial heartbreak. I want to move on and not feel sadness towards this anymore.

Last friday I swiped on a girl, thinking that if she swipes back we can have some fun over text you know. And she did swipe back, and proved to be really nice and cute, but also very fast forward. She wanted to meet up, right away. And it was in the middle of the night.
I told her that she was a little bit fast, but that we could go out the next day. Spontaneous but not bad right?
I was very nervous, like I took the date serious ofc, and she was still very cute and charming when we met. Like a true lady. She picked me up in her car, paid for the food, and bombed me with compliments, told me how beautiful I was. Like once every minute...
What can I say. I'm a sucker for that kind of attention, but it was almost too much. It felt rude not responding with the same things back. She's cute, that's a fact. But even if I alos can come across as fast forward and very interested I still need time. My biggest red flag is that I'm a people pleaser, I validate and compliment people all the time, that not a bad thing per say. But it can cause a lot of trouble while dating.
Every time she gave me a compliment I responded with the same thing back at her, while also being genuine and open about what I liked about her. If I had felt no attraction what so ever I would have let her know. But their is some attraction there, and it felt nice acting on it.
After the dinner we landed at my place, and we barely made it through the door before we laid cuddling in my bed, kissing and hugging.
She wanted it, I wanted it, like I have been single for over a year. I didn't only want it, I was craving it. But I have a complicated relation with sex, and when I noticed how willing she was I asked if it was ok if we just cuddled, and she was fine with that. But now she didn't tell me how cute I was anymore, but how hot and sexy I was.
She was grinding against me, I could feel how frustrated she was (she even told me) So.. I decided to please her, only with my fingers though.
She asked for more but I calmly told her that I wasn't comfortable with that. Please understand, It wasn't a problem. I didn't give her a clear explonation to why I didn't wanna do it, and when I gave in I get that she thought that I had changed my mind. I was OK with pleasing her, but not the other way around.
I felt that our date was a little bit too intense. Like... All the cute cuddling and affection towards each other. It was nice but if someone would have seen us they would have though that we were romantically in love. And I didn't know how to tone it down without hurting her.
Well, she'll be gone in the morning I thought. But then my friend called me and told me that she's still pissed at me over a thing and didn't want me to stay at her place when I was fixing a thing in her town on the upcoming Monday. My date had heard the conversation, and told me that it was chill cause she could drive me on Monday.
It was really cute of her, and it solved my problems, so I said ok, and we spent all weekend together. Making everything even more intense and complicated. Cause it was nice, she is damn nice. But I don't know, I don't feel that I wanna get serious with her, but now I already am... Like we were like lovers this weekend. Holding hands in public, kissing and giving long hugs all the time, being all cute and dorky with each other. Grabbing... (You know)
And I know that she have STRONG feelings for me. Like she is all over me. Lovebombing me all the time, and now she asked if I wanna hang out the upcoming weekend. And I said yes, cause it would've been nice. But I feel so bad, cause I'm almost certainly sure that I don't wanna get in a relationship with her. Like I'm posetivt. So now it's like I'm just using her and giving her false hope.
I don't wanna hurt her, I don't wanna stop seeing her, but I don't wanna commit. What should I do? She's really vulnerable which makes this so much worse. She's wonderful and deserves the same commitment and affection back. What should I do!?

Edit: clarifying because just realised title is misleading. I HAVE NO INTENTIONS ON PURSUING HIM.
Throwaway account just in case there’s a small chance there’s anything on my personal that could take away my anonymity. Before I start, I know this sounds like a troll post but unfortunately my feelings are very real. I (24f) have been a nanny for the past 4 years and also suffer from borderline personality disorder. I’m not trying to push the nanny husband stereotype, I really do hate it, and I also hate myself because of the way I feel.
I’ve been with the same family for almost the past 2 years for a 4yB and 6mG. MB is 39f and DB is 35m. I’ve worked with many families before and after starting for this family, and while it may not always of been perfect, they are for sure one of the best families I’ve worked with. I have a strong bond with the kids and I really do get along well and care about MB and DB. They always tell me how much they love and appreciate me as well.
From the first day I met everyone I have always been attracted to DB, just on a physical level. It wasn’t until a few months in that I started to develop a little bit of a crush on him. In the 2 years I’ve been working for them I’ve gone in and out of having him as one of my FP (bpd terms for “favorite person”). Whenever i gain a FP/obsession with someone (not exclusive to DB), they become all I think and care about. My mood is based off of how well our interactions go, how long it’s been since I’ve last seen/talked to them etc. Sometimes it’s not that intense and I’m usually able to leave all of these feelings at the door and after a few weeks or a month the obsession goes away. I fantasize about spending time with him, going on dates (and other things that wouldn’t be appropriate to specify here) etc. When I tell you he’s the only thing on my mind 24/7 I mean it. I never really went out much before but the past month I’ve been staying away locked in my room even more just thinking about how amazing being with him would be. Even when I’m out I’m always in my head thinking about him and frequently stalk his socials for new pictures of him. TMI but he’s the only thing I can get off to too, and I’ve been doing that like 5+ times a day, I literally can’t help it.
The past month it has been super intense, worse than it has been before. It’s bordering on the longest time I’ve had this obsession/crush and i am feeling incredibly depressed and almost suicidal. I can’t remember when exactly I started feeling this way again. I think part of it is that I’ve been working more hours so I’m seeing him interact with the kids more and witnessing firsthand him being a good dad. I didn’t have a good dad so seeing him be an amazing father to his kids makes me kinda jealous but I also think it’s hot. I look forward towards seeing him every day I go into work, I purposefully try to dress nicer and do my makeup which i rarely ever do just to see if he notices. I do my nails and got hair extensions recently and colored my hair so that he would notice me, yet he hasn’t said anything. My mind tries to convince me that he wants me too even though I know it’s not true. I work mornings and usually pick up one date night a week so they can go out, and I guess maybe that’s where I started realizing that this is becoming a problem. MB asked me to pick up this coming Friday night so he can take her out on a romantic date. I started spiraling after that, just out of pure jealousy. I put the kids down for their nap shortly after and spent 40 minutes in the bathroom bawling my eyes out and considering doing something stupid tonight.
There’s been other instances leading up to this, I guess I should’ve noticed to realize how bad this “crush” is getting. I see her getting ready before I leave wearing cute clothes, hair done, makeup done, and I get mad inside. I see them talking or hear them laughing and it bothers me. It’s never affected me at work until recently. I’m still in the bathroom hyperventilating as I’m typing this. I know I need to go to therapy and put in notice but I can’t afford to do either. I actually need to go on medication again. But even if I could afford to leave or if I had another family lined up, I wouldn’t want to leave. I love the kids so so much and I really do like MB and DB and hope to have good relationships with them for years after I leave, and they always tell me how much they love and appreciate me. These feelings will eventually go away, I know they aren’t forever even though they feel like it. But I can’t stand feeling this way any longer. I know I don’t love him but it really feels like I do. I want nothing more than to be with him and my heart hurts so bad knowing we won’t ever be together. I would do anything to have him in any capacity.
This makes me feel and sound like I’m a terrible person and nanny but I promise I’m not. I’ve never had any complaints, the kids love me and I know I’m great at my job. I love the kids like they’re my own family. When they wake up I’m gonna go back to being my normal happy caring self. It’s gonna hurt but I’ll fake it till I get off and I’ll smoke my feelings away when I get home and cry.
I’m leaving later this year to get a job in my field and the absolute longest I’ll be staying with them is another 4-6 months. Maybe even as little as 3. Anyways, sorry for the long post, I know it’s a mess but I did my best with the paragraphs. I don’t really know what I’m asking for here, just a place to vent because my feelings for him are so intense it’s painful. If anyone has any advice for how I could try handling this for the remainder of my time here or if anyone has any experience with gaining feelings for a DB or MB, I would appreciate it. Thanks for hearing me out

I feel like a machine when people bring up regular celebrations or normal family events. Something that's only supposed to take in the data and process it for storage.
I can't relate, I can't even begin to understand. Like when you're a kid trying to understand the dirty jokes in a kids movie but the older people in the room won't explain it to you. Only I never got older and never got to understand it.
I was dealt junk, and didn't know how to bluff.
People dont become good friends unless they can relate to their childhoods, or it's at least rare. Much less get into romantic relationships.
Common icebreakers are usually "Oh what trips did your family go on? My family always went on road trips and camping trips." And I just have to say "Oh we never really did any trips when I was growing up." Or "My family three weekends out of the year dragged me and my sister to a cult conference. One was three whole days and that was pretty much our only 'vacation'. We sometimes went to the beach, sometimes."
They'll speak fondly of staying over at classmates houses but I just have to say "I was taught that they would all die and are evil agents of satan and would lie to them about my life just so they would be my friends."
Everyone has memories of Friday being the end of the school week and waking up to watch cartoons, I've hated the weekends my whole life. I never got to wake up and watch cartoons in the morning. I hade to wear a stuffy ill fitting suit and listen to hateful drivel for 2 hours sunday morning, and spend 2 hours Saturday morning proselytizing door-to-door.
I didn't even get the week to myself. Tuesdays I woke up dreading the rest of the day. I had to spend 2 hours 7 to 9 listening to the same thing that was said Sunday morning.
Isolated and alone, a simple broken and slow machine. That's what I was. That's what I am.