Reason i deserve the scholarship

37f - since I turned about 30 and especially the last couple of years, the shame I have with drinking just sucks. Just recently I’ve had some successful outings where I’ll go out and go back home at a reasonable hour and not browned out. I feel alright the next day. On binge days (2-3x a month) I lay in shame, eating junk, letting work fall apart, for 48 hours.
I’ve thought about going sober and have always immediately dismissed it because of a) X event coming up (birthday, vacation, etc) b) cookouts with family where it’s just what we do (I’ve gotten better here) and c) every week or two I just crave a good cocktail, usually a martini or manhattan, while sitting a nice bar after work or with girlfriends. I can’t seem to let some of these things go, but I also can’t find the balance.
I also keep a good amount of booze at home for guests. I don’t touch this with the exception of a seltzer or something maybe once a month. And even then I’ll have just 1. I live alone and basically never drink at home alone. And I’ll go over a week without drinking often.
But when I start, I don’t stop. What used to seem harmless and that uninhibited feeling of one more or one more bar, now feels like real time self sabotage as I continue out on my own, sometimes taking it way too far. It feel like the the better I do in progress, or steps forward, the harder I fall. For example, this past weekend I had a loud mouth with the wrong person (likely my subconscious just going all for getting wrecked, as if I deserved it for being so drunk). Well, she attacked me. Was left the next day with scrapes on the back of my head, some broken blood vessels on my eyelid, and feeling like I’d been in a car wreck. I’m so utterly embarrassed and ashamed as an otherwise successful and independent woman that there’s this part of me that is a shit show. I haven’t told a single person.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like I don’t have an addiction because I go days at a time without drinking, don’t drink the alcohol I have at home, and have had more frequent instances of going out and limiting myself to just a few drinks. But the rest of it I still can’t handle and no matter what my energy is lacking my focus is lacking and I can’t seem to get in shape the way I want to. I journaled today telling myself I’m sick of my own shit and I want to look back at these last few years and thank myself that I made the change to be the person I want to be. I think I’m just looking for some words of wisdom or advice or anything really.
Thanks all.

After seeing some of the posts on here, I don’t want to come off as too self absorbed. My prayer request is for my wife and I. We’ve been trying to conceive for 3 years. Been to the specialists, Nothings wrong with us according to them, and IVF is about 26-30k not covered by insurance, So most likely not gonna happen. We’re tired.
Idk if I may not have lived a good of life as I should have, maybe I wasn’t as devout as I should’ve been. hell, idk if I would be a good father, but I know my wife would Make An awesome mother, she deserves it. She’s kind, innocent, a “do-gooder”, someone who doesn’t deserve to pay for the sins of my past. I count myself lucky to be with her daily. I kind of quit praying after I left middle/highschool so it feels weird getting back into it recently, for something that feels like selfish reasons. I’ll keep praying too but I would appreciate the extra help. Thank you all.

Genuinely, realising this so late in itself is so alarming to me, so I’ve decided to address some of my shortcomings, so I can move forward and fix these things going forward. This is a long read.
It starts at the beginning of the relationship in September 2020, when I was in the talking stage with her at the time. I found her inclining towards me early on in the first month or two, and we had decided to start dating online in October 2020. The problem with this genuinely was the fact that the moment I felt the slightest bit of love, or affection, historically since the conception of the relationship, I pushed it away. I suppose it may have something to do with my relationship with love growing up with my parents, but I don’t want to make excuses either. I told her off the bat I wanted to be friends with benefits, and actively love-bombed her until September 2021, when I decided to be with her. She knew I would be talking to other girls, so she would stay up at night and check my Snapchat activity, to see me active after I told her goodnight, and it broke her heart more and more respectively.
Thereafter, we were in the honeymoon phase for a while, but I continued to make mistakes. I was still following my ex-girlfriends on my socials, had photos of them in my camera roll, even responded to them in certain scenarios where they would reach out to me. This made her feel so uncomfortable, naturally so, and I don’t know why I was so dismissive of my actions. I genuinely don’t know how I could possibly be so thick in the head sometimes when it comes to my partners comfort and boundaries.
Additionally, at the time she was walking from a bus stand 20 mins away from my house in order to visit me. By the time it was dark, she would have preferred that I walked her home. Instead, I told her to go walk without my company. Genuinely I am such an asshole. There was even one instance when I walked a random drunk stranger home, and she was so upset that I would walk them home, but not her. It was so illogical of me, that I didn’t do this for someone I love— but I went out of my way to do this for a stranger.
Sometimes I genuinely would make out of pocket comments that reminded her of my past, and this had hurt her as well during this time.
Overarching problem I also had was a porn addiction. She was extremely uncomfortable that I would watch naked women online, and continued to do so in the duration of the relationship. It was only until the following Summer 2022 that I promised I would stop— I will come back to this later.
We had our fair share of arguments ensue this summer, because we were out of the honeymoon phase, we realised we had our fair share of differences. Especially during this time, she was becoming more religiously inclined, while I was having trouble accepting her new boundaries. This also happens to be a recurring theme for myself.
There was another major incident that summer, that I won’t get too deep into due to privacy reasons, but in essence she was in another country, with threats to her safety, and because of hormonal changes she was going through at the time, her behaviour towards me was very versatile. In the sense that, even though she had given me prior warning of her emotionally instability, I used to get directly affected by it, and even blocked her on socials in a time she really needed me. I genuinely don’t know why I am like this, why do I push away when people need me. I’m not dependable at all.
Following her emotional instability, I decided to start watching porn again in September 2022, without her knowledge. I thought the relationship was going to end because I thought she was different than before, but when she came back to our home country, she was stable again, and I regretted my actions and withheld it from her until March 2023.
During the next few months, I was in a different city because I decided to work a co-op locally. I became a cold and distant person, I would believe the love bombing ensued again to some extent. I was also hypercritical of different experiences we would do together, and make them seem like a waste of time and money afterwards. I called her an ungrateful person, even though it was my decision. I don’t know why I jumped to this school of thought, but I genuinely feel bad about it all.
Then in January 2023, I returned back to our school while in parallel to working another internship. I was really clamped on time, and she was helping me by cooking for me and helping me clean around the place. Our relationship was still a fair bit unstable, due to my emotional absence, but the main trust barrier was broken in March 2023, when I had confessed I was watching porn behind her back. After this incident, she was inclined to break up with me, and I acted like I was going to run away/ put my life in danger. I was overall manipulative at the time, and she gave me another chance. I don’t understand how she could be so forgiving.
Shortly after, her parents found out about the relationship, and heavily disapproved due to some religious reasons, and we broke up. Even after all this, before she went to go take a work intern opportunity in another country, she still wanted to try with me. I broke up with her once again, I think a big part of it is guilt that accumulates, and after I have these realisations, I decide to walk away. Only to miss the relationship a couple days later.
We decided to be friends for this tenure, and I treated her like garbage, made her indirectly believe that she didn’t deserve her lifestyle or her job. I was a truly jealous person toward her. I don’t know what gets into me truly. Shortly after, it got too much for her and she stepped away from the relationship.
In September 2023, I broke no contact and apologised for everything, but by this time, she became emotionally distant and cold. I mean, what did I expect, that she would graciously accept me back? In October 2023, she tried to leave again and I lost it mentally, started tossing things around my room, while she was out of the room to make a scene. I shortly acted suicidal once again to see if she still cared for me. I was so incredibly manipulative.
The rest of the time together was somewhat fine, we had our ups and downs but I was really working hard toward being a better partner. She appreciated my efforts through it all, and I could see that she was truly happy within the relationship for once.
Shortly after in January 2024, she had to relocate indefinitely to another country to start a ft role, and wanted to continue being with me after our situationship, though she had introduced new religious boundaries that she set out for herself until marriage. She asked me if I wanted to continue the relationship, but I kept on going back and forth on my decision, because of her boundary. I was trying to make her budge on her decision, and it was incredibly disrespectful of me to do so.
After a month or so of clashing, she decided to remove me from her life. I genuinely think she gave up on me after this instance.
Now, I have identified a multitude of issues that have ensued over the years. Severely toxic traits I have exhibited. I was wondering if this would be a situation where I need therapy to diagnose the underlying cause, or what can I do to be better going forward. I certainly don’t think I am capable of being in a relationship. What should I do going forward, to be better in a relationship? I don’t ever want to repeat these mistakes.
I feel extremely guilty, that after all that I have done, I still want her back. It’s so unreasonable of me to even say. I don’t see myself as a good person, and I certainly don’t deserve any more chances. I just want to be a better boyfriend/husband going forward.

Socionics Questionnaire for MBTI help please:
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?

• Gonna head into Phystical Therapy school soon. I got interested in it because I personally injured myself and went through the process of healing through PT. I also enjoy anatomy and exercise a lot and it meshes pretty well with that. I like a lot of things about it, the only thing I dislike though, is how as a PT you have to keep your mouth shut when a patient angers you by annoying you or saying something heavily immoral

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?

• I just be chilling. I lift weights everyday and box. I also spend a lot of time in my room watching Netflix and I watch Basketball with my homies. I occasionally go outside and ride my longboard and draw. I like having an active lifestyle. Lifting and boxing are also good routines that ground me and center me in the moment. I also want to get tougher and stronger which is what boxing and lifting help with

What are your values, and why?

• Mental peace for sure. I don’t like when too much mental turmoil goes on. I also believe honesty, courage, doing the right thing, and kindness are extremely important. No one grows from staying in their comfort zone and courage is the first step to growth. Honesty and doing the right thing are important because you’re just a pussy if you can’t find yourself doing these. Kindness is also important because everyone deserves to be treated equally

Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

• With my family I’m seen as the relaxed, carefree youngest son who does his own thing. But being the youngest son also puts a big burden on me that I don’t reveal with anyone. I feel as if my parents financially supporting me cuts them off from their dreams. My father specifically wants to retire but knows he can’t because of me which makes me feel pretty guilty. But I love my family nonetheless. My relationship with my friends is that I can be the real goofy guy that always has something funny to say. They also see me as tough and relaxed though, because of my hobbies. I don’t feel like I have any toughness that they don’t have however

What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?

• I guess I just look for people who make me feel comfortable and that I can have a good time with. Idk I don’t really go looking for friends tbh, if things happen and I’m your friend then I’ll be your friend. In romantic relationships I’m pretty attracted to confident women who share the same hobbies and values as me. But again, I’m open to whatever. The most important thing in a girl is values to me

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?

• I don’t really think I get into conflicts that often but if I had to say something it would be whenever someone tries to get me to do something while I’m just relaxing. I get visibly irritated and tell them to bug off. Whenever my dad barges into my room and tells me to research something I usually tell him to piss off. Another thing I can think of is when my roommates leave a shared area gross and messy. I’m oftentimes the guy to yell at them to clean up after themselves. Idgaf if you’re messy, I’m messy asf too, but don’t let it get into an area we all share

What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?

• When I set my mind to something I know I can get it done. My base state is to be relaxed however. People normally like my carefree attitude I bring to the atmosphere. I would say I like my courage and how much I’ve grown over time

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?

• I guess maybe being too relaxed? I also do inappropriate things in public because Idrc about what other people say. This oftentimes can embarrass my friends lol. I can’t really think of anything I dislike about myself that much. I’m pretty satisfied where I’m at, but I’m not perfect ofc

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?

• I’m not an anxious person so I’m confident in challenges. I would also say I’m pretty empathetic and make good connections. I would like help in logical consistency however. I feel like oftentimes I act on a whim and it’s something I could work on fs

What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?

• I dislike doing monotonous work where I can’t be myself. If I had to sit a desk job I’d not be happy at all. I enjoy relaxation and physical activity. I also like art a lot too and am pretty good at expressing myself through drawings

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?

• Nothing crazy really. I just want a stable income and a family I can protect. I want to be a pillar of strength and stability for my future children and wife

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?

• I like color coordinating things and I’ve slightly decorated my room. I have my boxing gloves hanging on my wall, I have pictures of me and my homies, and a TPAB vinyl album on my wall

How do you behave around strangers?

• Calmly and in a friendly enough manner. Not too loud not too quiet

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?

• I feel like I’m decently assertive. I’ll be able to tell someone off if they insult me fs. But I wouldn’t really say I get offended that easy either. If someone physically attacks me I’m fighting back ofc. I don’t like to be in conflict though, I’d much rather just be harmonious

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?

• Nah not really, sounds like too much work

How do you dress or manage your appearance?

• Dress in baggy clothes in a more urban style. I usually like clothes that make me look bigger. I color coordinate my clothes and I pretty much always wear white sneaks. Blazers or air forces

Do you like kids? Why or why not?

• Yeah they’re adorable and innocent. Same way I feel about animals (except centipedes, FUCK centipedes). I wanna take care of kids of my own eventually and be a loving father

In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?

• I feel most fulfilled when I’m at the gym or just enjoying myself. I also like having deep conversations with my friends from time to time, when we’re not just shooting the shit

How do you feel about attention? Do you seek it out?

• I don’t really seek it out I don’t think. But I do dress form fitting when I’m at the gym so maybe? I see that as me tryna check out my own physique and progress though, not as a way to get attention

How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?

• I’d say I’m not super responsible and I ca. def get better about it. But I do follow through with my promises and I expect others to do the same. Don’t let your words mean nothing, they are a binding vow

If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what approach would you take, and why?

• My main concerns would be that they don’t feel loved and that they are weak and unprepared for the world. For those reasons I want to be as loving to them as I can. A father that’s seen as a best friend. But also I wanna put them in physical activities that strengthen them and challenge them

Your friend bursts into tears. What do you do? How does it make you feel?

• First I would feel shock and a little bit of confusion. I wouldn’t know exactly what to do. I think initially I’ll be nurturing, telling them they’re alright and I’m here for them, but afterwards I would try to offer them practical advice

What is your biggest accomplishment?

• Getting bigger through the gym. I used to be a skinny kid, so feeling powerful and having confidence knowing I can do anything I set my mind too feels extremely good

What was (or is) your high school experience like?

• I was pretty shy back in highschool. I had a small friend group that I grew up with but I felt out of place in physical environments. Whenever we played a sport, I felt pretty awkward. I also did not know how to talk to girls, or anyone for that matter, and got pretty nervous in conversations. However I’d say I’m not like this now and changed quite a bit through time. I really don’t relate with any of these qualities anymore

Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.

• Yeah occasionally, I feel like everyone does. Oftentimes it’s when I have an uncertain future, I use something to put off my decision and get irritated whenever people ask about that future. In those moments I get short in conversation and leave the room

What is something you regret?

• No regrets mane, that’s how we live life. But if I HAD to pick… hmmm… there was one girl who I spent too much time on and now I’m confident I’ll never make that mistake again

Who do you admire, and why?

• My mother and father. My ma’s tough and she’s been through so much but she keeps moving forward. I respect her so much for that. My pa’s extremely intelligent and has an insatiable thirst for knowledge, something I could never relate to. He also always puts on a smile and is too loving. I wanna protect them both if it’s the last thing I do

What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?

• Getting into PT school. It’s been on my mind. I’m taking it day by day but there’s a part of me that’s kinda worried because I haven’t moved in yet or nun

What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?

• A laidback environment that allows me to be myself and move at my own pace

What is or was your favorite school subject and why?

• Anatomy and Phys. I love learning about the body and how the moments are so similar to that of a machine with pulleys on it. It’s just so cool and practical too

What is one common misconception that people have about life? Explain why it is wrong.

• People work too hard and take no time to chill. I think life is too short to not enjoy the moment. You also shouldn’t compromise your morals to get to the top. A lot of people do shitty things to benefit themselves and that’s fucked up

Where did you go on your most recent vacation? What did you do there? How did you like it and why?
Talk about a significant event from your life.

• Injuring my bicep. I couldn’t lift anymore and the frustration I felt was real. I snapped at everyone and was living in constant fear that I would never get better. The injury kept replaying in my head over and over. Eventually I worked through the injury and now I’m stronger than ever, both mentally and physically. It’s also what got me into PT. Truly a turning point in my life and I have no regrets about it, because of how much I learned

How do you see other people as a whole?

• They cool man. They just living their lives. People can be good or bad, but I never understood people that stereotype people. I know people that are lowkey racist and I don’t get it. I have a friend who constantly asks me “what do you think about x people” and I’ll constantly say I have no opinion, because I genuinely don’t see people as groups

What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.

• Shamelessness for the bag nowadays. OF models and dudes beating their shit to that annoy me. It’s hurting society and is not something that children should be aware of. As we move forward with this we are losing our morality. I also absolutely HATE the US and how we’re funding multiple genocides. Free Palestine, Free Congo, Free Sudan, Free the Uyghurs, Free Kurdistan, free them all, they have a right to live and a right to freedom. Fuck greed, fuck the US, UK, and Israel

What do you do if you're not getting what you want? What approach do you use?

• I make my needs known. I’m usually direct and tell people what’s up, but because of chillness it may take me a bit to get here

Are you comfortable taking leadership roles? In what areas? Why or why not?

• Not really. But if no one else steps up to the plate then I will. Most positions in which I’m a leader is when I’m convincing others to do something fun. Or when I know how to get to a place and others don’t

How often do you get angry? What kinds of things make you angry?

• I’d say I get at least irritated every day. I use anger as fuel for the gym. Things that make me angry and people trying to control what I do or push me away from my routine. Despite my mostly pleasant nature I can get quite snappy

What is one unusual trait or ability you possess? What makes you special?

• Idk I guess I’m pretty strong willed when I want to be? Idk if it makes me special but it’s something I’m proud of

What is your sense of humor like? Do you joke around a lot?

• I’m very gregarious and humorous. I joke around all the time. My humor is usually random and playful. Like a dog doing goofy shit. When I’m with my homies I’m constantly laughing

What were you like as a child? How have you changed since then?

• Different phases. Quiet, distracted, and violent in elementary school. Oftentimes getting into physical fights with classmates just because I could. Shyer in Middle school. Not really knowing how the social system worked I became friends with the stoners but then realized they were kinda shitty people. In Highschool I got pretty shy but I still had my gang of boys I enjoyed my time with. I’m much more confident, gregarious, and peaceful now. I feel as if I’m gentle but still direct. My hobbies also ground me now and make me feel whole

What is the best thing that happened to you during the past week?

• Had a great time at Karaoke and the day after me and my homies explored the city and just had a ton of fun

What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?

• The purpose of life is to find a balance between worldly pleasures and pleasing God. You must be in the moment and appreciate everything you have in front of you. It’s fine if you slip up from time to time but always turn to God whenever you can

What is the most interesting place you have been, and why?

• Hard to say. I loved the UK when I was there. I also love Chicago and Austin. I honestly can’t pick one. Mecca was amazing too from a spiritual perspective. Any place that puts me at peace, where I can enjoy the moment is my favorite

Hi all. I'm using a throwaway account for this but wanted to see how people feel about this. I was brought up around very misogynistic people. My mother always kind of accepted her role, and the people my family talked to shared the same views. I'm not here to go into what those views are as I know it's offensive to alot of people. But yea, I think it did break my mind quite a bit. I'm 23 now, and I still have a hard time not seeing women in a negative light. The thing is, I don't really feel I actually agree with these views. But being raised with them makes it very hard to not see it as normal. I also think I kind of hold onto the mindset so that my family still accept me. They're very strong minded, but I'm not interested in distancing myself from them Recently findom has become an addiction. I feel weird about it all to be honest. Because I hate what I'm doing to myself, but I'm not really sure why I can't stop. I've thought, maybe it's self punishment for being a misogynist? But I've also thought, maybe I'm subconsciously, intentionally validating my misogyny? It's very easy to paint women as horrible people when they're taking all my money and abusing me. It's left me in turmoil. I don't know if I'm here for a good or bad reason. I don't know if I deserve it or not. And I don't know how to stop. I'm interested to hear how everyone else feels about this

NEED TYPING HELP
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?

• Gonna head into Phystical Therapy school soon. I got interested in it because I personally injured myself and went through the process of healing through PT. I also enjoy anatomy and exercise a lot and it meshes pretty well with that. I like a lot of things about it, the only thing I dislike though, is how as a PT you have to keep your mouth shut when a patient angers you by annoying you or saying something heavily immoral

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?

• I just be chilling. I lift weights everyday and box. I also spend a lot of time in my room watching Netflix and I watch Basketball with my homies. I occasionally go outside and ride my longboard and draw. I like having an active lifestyle. Lifting and boxing are also good routines that ground me and center me in the moment. I also want to get tougher and stronger which is what boxing and lifting help with

What are your values, and why?

• Mental peace for sure. I don’t like when too much mental turmoil goes on. I also believe honesty, courage, doing the right thing, and kindness are extremely important. No one grows from staying in their comfort zone and courage is the first step to growth. Honesty and doing the right thing are important because you’re just a pussy if you can’t find yourself doing these. Kindness is also important because everyone deserves to be treated equally

Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

• With my family I’m seen as the relaxed, carefree youngest son who does his own thing. But being the youngest son also puts a big burden on me that I don’t reveal with anyone. I feel as if my parents financially supporting me cuts them off from their dreams. My father specifically wants to retire but knows he can’t because of me which makes me feel pretty guilty. But I love my family nonetheless. My relationship with my friends is that I can be the real goofy guy that always has something funny to say. They also see me as tough and relaxed though, because of my hobbies. I don’t feel like I have any toughness that they don’t have however

What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?

• I guess I just look for people who make me feel comfortable and that I can have a good time with. Idk I don’t really go looking for friends tbh, if things happen and I’m your friend then I’ll be your friend. In romantic relationships I’m pretty attracted to confident women who share the same hobbies and values as me. But again, I’m open to whatever. The most important thing in a girl is values to me

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?

• I don’t really think I get into conflicts that often but if I had to say something it would be whenever someone tries to get me to do something while I’m just relaxing. I get visibly irritated and tell them to bug off. Whenever my dad barges into my room and tells me to research something I usually tell him to piss off. Another thing I can think of is when my roommates leave a shared area gross and messy. I’m oftentimes the guy to yell at them to clean up after themselves. Idgaf if you’re messy, I’m messy asf too, but don’t let it get into an area we all share

What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?

• When I set my mind to something I know I can get it done. My base state is to be relaxed however. People normally like my carefree attitude I bring to the atmosphere. I would say I like my courage and how much I’ve grown over time

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?

• I guess maybe being too relaxed? I also do inappropriate things in public because Idrc about what other people say. This oftentimes can embarrass my friends lol. I can’t really think of anything I dislike about myself that much. I’m pretty satisfied where I’m at, but I’m not perfect ofc

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?

• I’m not an anxious person so I’m confident in challenges. I would also say I’m pretty empathetic and make good connections. I would like help in logical consistency however. I feel like oftentimes I act on a whim and it’s something I could work on fs

What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?

• I dislike doing monotonous work where I can’t be myself. If I had to sit a desk job I’d not be happy at all. I enjoy relaxation and physical activity. I also like art a lot too and am pretty good at expressing myself through drawings

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?

• Nothing crazy really. I just want a stable income and a family I can protect. I want to be a pillar of strength and stability for my future children and wife

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?

• I like color coordinating things and I’ve slightly decorated my room. I have my boxing gloves hanging on my wall, I have pictures of me and my homies, and a TPAB vinyl album on my wall

How do you behave around strangers?

• Calmly and in a friendly enough manner. Not too loud not too quiet

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?

• I feel like I’m decently assertive. I’ll be able to tell someone off if they insult me fs. But I wouldn’t really say I get offended that easy either. If someone physically attacks me I’m fighting back ofc. I don’t like to be in conflict though, I’d much rather just be harmonious

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?

• Nah not really, sounds like too much work

How do you dress or manage your appearance?

• Dress in baggy clothes in a more urban style. I usually like clothes that make me look bigger. I color coordinate my clothes and I pretty much always wear white sneaks. Blazers or air forces

Do you like kids? Why or why not?

• Yeah they’re adorable and innocent. Same way I feel about animals (except centipedes, FUCK centipedes). I wanna take care of kids of my own eventually and be a loving father

In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?

• I feel most fulfilled when I’m at the gym or just enjoying myself. I also like having deep conversations with my friends from time to time, when we’re not just shooting the shit

How do you feel about attention? Do you seek it out?

• I don’t really seek it out I don’t think. But I do dress form fitting when I’m at the gym so maybe? I see that as me tryna check out my own physique and progress though, not as a way to get attention

How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?

• I’d say I’m not super responsible and I ca. def get better about it. But I do follow through with my promises and I expect others to do the same. Don’t let your words mean nothing, they are a binding vow

If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what approach would you take, and why?

• My main concerns would be that they don’t feel loved and that they are weak and unprepared for the world. For those reasons I want to be as loving to them as I can. A father that’s seen as a best friend. But also I wanna put them in physical activities that strengthen them and challenge them

Your friend bursts into tears. What do you do? How does it make you feel?

• First I would feel shock and a little bit of confusion. I wouldn’t know exactly what to do. I think initially I’ll be nurturing, telling them they’re alright and I’m here for them, but afterwards I would try to offer them practical advice

What is your biggest accomplishment?

• Getting bigger through the gym. I used to be a skinny kid, so feeling powerful and having confidence knowing I can do anything I set my mind too feels extremely good

What was (or is) your high school experience like?

• I was pretty shy back in highschool. I had a small friend group that I grew up with but I felt out of place in physical environments. Whenever we played a sport, I felt pretty awkward. I also did not know how to talk to girls, or anyone for that matter, and got pretty nervous in conversations. However I’d say I’m not like this now and changed quite a bit through time. I really don’t relate with any of these qualities anymore

Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.

• Yeah occasionally, I feel like everyone does. Oftentimes it’s when I have an uncertain future, I use something to put off my decision and get irritated whenever people ask about that future. In those moments I get short in conversation and leave the room

What is something you regret?

• No regrets mane, that’s how we live life. But if I HAD to pick… hmmm… there was one girl who I spent too much time on and now I’m confident I’ll never make that mistake again

Who do you admire, and why?

• My mother and father. My ma’s tough and she’s been through so much but she keeps moving forward. I respect her so much for that. My pa’s extremely intelligent and has an insatiable thirst for knowledge, something I could never relate to. He also always puts on a smile and is too loving. I wanna protect them both if it’s the last thing I do

What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?

• Getting into PT school. It’s been on my mind. I’m taking it day by day but there’s a part of me that’s kinda worried because I haven’t moved in yet or nun

What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?

• A laidback environment that allows me to be myself and move at my own pace

What is or was your favorite school subject and why?

• Anatomy and Phys. I love learning about the body and how the moments are so similar to that of a machine with pulleys on it. It’s just so cool and practical too

What is one common misconception that people have about life? Explain why it is wrong.

• People work too hard and take no time to chill. I think life is too short to not enjoy the moment. You also shouldn’t compromise your morals to get to the top. A lot of people do shitty things to benefit themselves and that’s fucked up

Where did you go on your most recent vacation? What did you do there? How did you like it and why?
Talk about a significant event from your life.

• Injuring my bicep. I couldn’t lift anymore and the frustration I felt was real. I snapped at everyone and was living in constant fear that I would never get better. The injury kept replaying in my head over and over. Eventually I worked through the injury and now I’m stronger than ever, both mentally and physically. It’s also what got me into PT. Truly a turning point in my life and I have no regrets about it, because of how much I learned

How do you see other people as a whole?

• They cool man. They just living their lives. People can be good or bad, but I never understood people that stereotype people. I know people that are lowkey racist and I don’t get it. I have a friend who constantly asks me “what do you think about x people” and I’ll constantly say I have no opinion, because I genuinely don’t see people as groups

What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.

• Shamelessness for the bag nowadays. OF models and dudes beating their shit to that annoy me. It’s hurting society and is not something that children should be aware of. As we move forward with this we are losing our morality. I also absolutely HATE the US and how we’re funding multiple genocides. Free Palestine, Free Congo, Free Sudan, Free the Uyghurs, Free Kurdistan, free them all, they have a right to live and a right to freedom. Fuck greed, fuck the US, UK, and Israel

What do you do if you're not getting what you want? What approach do you use?

• I make my needs known. I’m usually direct and tell people what’s up, but because of chillness it may take me a bit to get here

Are you comfortable taking leadership roles? In what areas? Why or why not?

• Not really. But if no one else steps up to the plate then I will. Most positions in which I’m a leader is when I’m convincing others to do something fun. Or when I know how to get to a place and others don’t

How often do you get angry? What kinds of things make you angry?

• I’d say I get at least irritated every day. I use anger as fuel for the gym. Things that make me angry and people trying to control what I do or push me away from my routine. Despite my mostly pleasant nature I can get quite snappy

What is one unusual trait or ability you possess? What makes you special?

• Idk I guess I’m pretty strong willed when I want to be? Idk if it makes me special but it’s something I’m proud of

What is your sense of humor like? Do you joke around a lot?

• I’m very gregarious and humorous. I joke around all the time. My humor is usually random and playful. Like a dog doing goofy shit. When I’m with my homies I’m constantly laughing

What were you like as a child? How have you changed since then?

• Different phases. Quiet, distracted, and violent in elementary school. Oftentimes getting into physical fights with classmates just because I could. Shyer in Middle school. Not really knowing how the social system worked I became friends with the stoners but then realized they were kinda shitty people. In Highschool I got pretty shy but I still had my gang of boys I enjoyed my time with. I’m much more confident, gregarious, and peaceful now. I feel as if I’m gentle but still direct. My hobbies also ground me now and make me feel whole

What is the best thing that happened to you during the past week?

• Had a great time at Karaoke and the day after me and my homies explored the city and just had a ton of fun

What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?

• The purpose of life is to find a balance between worldly pleasures and pleasing God. You must be in the moment and appreciate everything you have in front of you. It’s fine if you slip up from time to time but always turn to God whenever you can

What is the most interesting place you have been, and why?

• Hard to say. I loved the UK when I was there. I also love Chicago and Austin. I honestly can’t pick one. Mecca was amazing too from a spiritual perspective. Any place that puts me at peace, where I can enjoy the moment is my favorite

i have to accept the reality of my situation. i will never be wanted. i have no reason to be wanted. at this point i shouldnt even want anymore. nobody will ever want me. and i shouldnt want anybody. its not my place. nobody should have to be wanted by me. i dont deserve to be wanted. no matter how hard i try, im seemingly as offputting as possible. im the worst human possible. i dont think there could be anyone uglier than me. if there is i can only wish death upon them as the only thing uglier than me doesnt deserve life. i dont deserve life. if i dont deserve life than nobody below me deserves it. there is nobody below me. im the lowest. you cant get lower than me. im rock bottom. i dont understand why anyone would willingly spend time with me. i feel bad for anyone that has to be associated with me. i feel bad for being born. i bring shame upon my parents and everyone around me.

Jokichi ate his food, forcing himself to make small talk to the monster that took him. He put on a carefully crafted smile that never failed to make the monster swoon.
It kisses the man's cheek, and the monster smiles "Darling, would you be a dear and watch Ayano? I have to handle business with a…old friend." It says it wasn't asking.
Jokichi held back the urge to vomit as he nodded, forcing a loving smile on his face "Yes…of course, Dear." He says.
The monster hummed and left the house, locking it tightly. But they both knew Jokichi can't leave, even if the door was wide open, he could still never leave, no one would believe him if he told anyone what was happening in this damn house.
The man looked down at his dinner, he hated desserts, especially cake. But it tasted more bearable because the monster didn't make it, his—
"Daddy?"
His daughter made it, the same little girl that made Jokichi lose all hope in escaping once she was born, the same little girl that was forced on Jokichi—
The same little girl that was his light, his baby was innocent, only eight years old, and still had chubby cheeks and baby fat on her little body.
"Yes?" The man asks, looking down at the child who had just left her bedroom, watching the little girl rushed over to him, Jokichi's heart aches, he doesn't know if he loves his daughter for being his only light, or despises her for being the reason he's forever trapped with that monster.
But for now, he just lifted the little girl on his lap and gently kissed her head, feeling the urge to start sobbing when the girl hugged him. She didn't deserve this, no one deserved the hell the monster forced them into.
But Jokichi just lifted the spoonful of cake to his daughter's little lips and fed her quietly. They didn't speak, they never needed to.
Once the girl's stomach was full, the man carried his daughter to her room and tucked her into bed, kissing her head before he left the room.
His legs were shaking when he walked back to his room, he wasn't religious, not even close, but he prayed as he wept near his bed.
He hoped his daughter wouldn't be like the monster that's keeping him captive.

Before I say anything I want to say ive written a whole as paragraph FUCKING TWICE and they both got deleted because my parents either literally called the phone or yelled for me to go to them and when I tell you reddit doesnt do drafts for google or my version first time I was depressed the second time I was pissed and I couldn't even vent about it so im doing it here Yes i'm writing this on a phone using google instead instead the reddit app this time I was smart and wrote this on google docs so it would save I'm sorry for my bad manners or bad grammer But i'll keep the story brief because im not typing for 30 minutes anymore Basically I wanted to ask why is it treated like a taboo to hate bad mothers I have a narcissistic mother as bad as they get only she's not a drug addict or sexually abusive (thank god) But she's a narcissist if you look up a narcissist parent she fits the description. She ruined my future and claims she loves me She smiled when my grandmother died and called my father and said to him “that's why you lost your dad and your mom” in front of me (This was when my grandma died). She physically abuses me, hits me when she's mad, calls me slurs and claims it's to toughen me up for the world when things get bad. She then says she loves me. I figured out she was a bad mom when i was 13 now im 17 i have a year left and she's gonna kick me out she doesnt love me anymore i can't cry they teach men not to cry so nothing will come out and frankly crying doesn't do anything. I don't want to excuse anything not even myself Because recently I hit her when she hit me we were in the car and I smacked her face she pulled out my dreads and I somehow scratched her I'm not trying to justify what i did but to give perspective i'm around 5,10 and she's slightly smaller than me but shes heavier than me and i'd argue slightly stronger she managed to pull out like 4 of my dreads. She threatened to put me in prison because no man should put their hands on their mother and i know she was right because of that i'm gonna miss school field trips that were scholarship worthy and i lost the chance for her to give me a bank account with 100 dollars for my birthday (i didn't get get anything for that 🙂). She bought a cake for my birthday. It tasted awful and claimed it was our cake because my birthday is a week apart. Then she bought herself two cakes that tasted way better and wanted me to sing her happy birthday (it was Ramadan so I didn't even want to think about eating, no i'm not muslim I just wanted to try it for the first time to respect the muslim culture). she doesn't let me work either so i'm basically gonna be homeless. I'm not scared of going to prison because I feel like I deserve some form of punishment. I do feel guilty. I hate how people can take advantage of the system. My mom knows she's a woman and can guilt people and manipulate people into thinking she's a victim. I wish we had a dynamic system. I didn't know that it was possible to love your children unequally and claim you love them but abuse them. She's done bad things that not even I can tell you. In some way she does love me by giving me a roof over my head and food with my phone that she didn't buy or the Internet she's not paying for. But she said if i keep fucking with her the only thing ill have is just food. My dad doesnt pay child support but even if he did she wouldn't use it on us trust me. My dads broke (not saying that to be mean) so if I did need money he'd tell moneys tight or I'd have to wait another day. It's embarrassing that we're poor and she won't even let me work for myself. I get bullied about being broke. Sometimes I find that humiliating. She says i'm too disrespectful to work and that i'm spoiled but i'm rambling sorry. I wanted to tell you all the things she's done but I'm always told she's my mother. No matter what she does she's your mother and the bible says honor thy mother and thy father so i try to listen but she freaks out if i do anything wrong and has her friends belittle and berate me. She threatens to put me in prison. I could do the same thing but i dont record anything she does and I don't want to put her in jail because I love my siblings. If she knows I even typed this she will call the cops to save her face. She also threatens to put me on the streets. My father loves me and regrets basically being the reason our family is so broken. But sometimes i doubt he knows what hes doing. My father said he'll take me in his home but he's broke i dont mean that in a mean way. I dont think he can truely take care of me. i hate it when he smokes everyday inside the house. he has no shower or washer and hes also the reason my gpa is horrible because he tried to take me out of my school and failed. He also cant take me to school on time so i had to go back to my mom So i plan to join the military and leave for good i wanna do the air force because that's what everyone says i have the smarts to do There's nothing anyone can do and I lost hope but inside I'm heartbroken that there's nothing I can do to take back hitting my mom. No matter what she did. It feels like it invalidates everything she did wrong. I'm hurt that I'm gonna essentially be alone when I've grown completely. I've never gotten to leave my home and I'm expected to leave completely and I wonder if anyone understands. Maybe one day I could talk about everything but its not today. I apologized to her immediately after I hit her but I've also never forgiven her for the things she's done. Why do I have to live humiliated not because of what she did or didn't do but because of the things she didn't allow me to do. I will always be her failure but i want everyone to know that i plan to make something of myself in the future but itll only be when im allowed to spread my wings and get out her door 🕊️ Ps i wrote Wayyy more but again my stuff got deleted twice. To summarize I'm just surprised parents can push their children to the edge get away with it and ruin the children's present and future my mom said if i go against her I will get raped and killed by people but when i try to work with her she hates it. I don't feel like i can truly tell anybody anything so i resort to venting at reddit I'm very poetic tho so i hope to rap about my past and trauma to turn it into something positive (no i'm not a rapper right now and no this isn't for clout). Let this be a letter to me from the past for the future. If I am successful without her or maybe somehow repair this utterly broken relationship I hope to come back and edit this response to let y'all know. For the people just like me I HEAR YOU, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If there's anyone just like me I turn to you to share your experiences.
​

I (29m) met my soulmate (36f) while traveling in Southeast Asia a year ago. She is from France and I am from the USA. We’ve both returned to our respective countries and have spoken extensively basically everyday that it’s basically like we’re in a relationship without the label? We’ve been trying to figure out how we are going to make this work since we’re both a bit financially unstable (hence why neither of us have moved for one another).
Everything between us flows perfectly and there isn’t a question of compatibility. Aside from some internal questioning I have about the small age gap between us, there’s a bit of a secret I’m having a tough time disclosing and I’m not sure why it’s so hard for me.
I’m bisexual. I’m comfortable with myself and I know this isn’t an issue because I’m an extremely loyal man and prefer to date women, but not sure how to disclose this to her and if it will break our connection, the more time that goes on I feel guilty for some reason. Like I’m keeping a secret about myself. I don’t want to be with guys, it’s more of just, if I develop a deep connection with any human being it doesn’t really matter what their gender is. Not sure if bisexual is even the right term for what I am because I’m not trying to fuck a bunch of dudes. What should I do about my situation and how should I tell her? I know that I’m avoiding the inevitable because I want to be open and honest with her. She deserves to know. I also realize that if she doesn’t accept me for who I am, she most likely isn’t my soulmate.

There are quite a few theories circulating about a spin off series involving Rex and other clones. I like this idea as I am a big fan of the clone's stories. However, most of the speculation revolve around this show potentially being set in the Dark times era.
Whilst I am a fan of this era, I also want to see the Clones in the New Republic era as well. But here is the thing: whilst I am sure Tem is a great actor, I feel that even if he portrays Rex and other Clones in the Mandalorian shows, he may not have as big of a role as we expect. For example, there is some speculation that Rex could be in Ahsoka season 2, but we need to realise that he is quite old by this point, and it would be reasonable to assume that he would be a side character, since the primary story would seem to take place on Peridea and would ultimately feature Ahsoka as the main character. Even if he was in it, he would not be at the centre of that story, and if his story was to end in live action, I am worried he will not have the required screentime to tell the end of his story in a way the character deserves.
This makes me hope for a frame story for the speculated clone show, in which the primary story is set during the dark times era, and the frame story explores the clones in the New Republic era.
There a couple of reasons why I think this would be beneficial:
Despite my love of the Dark Times/Clone Wars era, it has been a long wish of mine that they branch out of it for some more. To keep the story fresh, I believe they need to have a diverse range of eras explored in animation, and as of right now most of the series are set during the republic/dark times era. This is further exasperated by knowing how the story will end (with the clones, such as Rex, going into hiding). Whilst I understand that tension in a story goes beyond a character's fate, it would be nice to open up the creative opportunities that the show could offer, which a frame story would provide.
Whilst I love the clones, I would assume that this series would be their last. In fact, I want it to be, since I don't want them to draw out the Clone's story too much. It would be nice to get the perspectives of their older selves if that is the case, adding depth to what would otherwise be a simpler story.
If this is a multi season show, it presents them with some interesting opportunities. I feel that the remaining lore that is needed to bridge the gap between the Bad Batch and Rebels (I recognise that we can't know the full extent of this until the Bad Batch is finished) is limited, so they may be able to rap up the Dark Times era arc within two or maybe even one season of the show, and then spend the remaining seasons focusing on the New Republic era and expanding upon the frame story.
Ultimately, this gives the opportunity for multiple clones to get the spotlight in the New Republic era, rather than a select few jammed into a Mandalorian adjacent show. Instead of just getting the story of one or two clones, I personally feel like this is a way to tell the story of the clone's legacy as a whole and give them the ending they deserve.

My anxiety is eating me. I found out my girlfriend is self harming again and even tho she says it’s not my fault I know I’m part of the reason. I feel like I’m falling apart. I mean shit. I have such bad trust issues that even if I know she’s not cheating I keep telling myself she is. And she doesn’t deserve this. She deserves to be with someone who isn’t as fucked up and crazy as I am. I hate feeling like this. I love her more than anything. Why can’t I just believe her. Why can’t my mind stop thinking that everything that happens is my fault. Why am I like this? How can I make it stop? Why do I feel like anytime I love someone or something that someone’s gonna come along and just take it from me.

I’m deciding between 3 colleges for Mechanical Engineering at the moment: - MCC - RIT - UB
My itch is whether community college is the right choice as the first step. Here’s my situation: - I live with my dad who’s been poor for most of his life. He has recently started making good money, but has no retirement savings. For this reason, I get next to no need-based financial aid, and yet him and my mom plan to contribute $12.5k/yr. - RIT has offered me their $25k/yr presidential scholarship plus an extra ~5k/yr to bring tuition plus room and board to about 40k a year. I’m currently enrolled in their accelerated MechE MBA program. - My brother wants to size up from a 1-bed apartment to a 2-bed, and I told him I’d split the difference so I could commute to college. This would make MCC’s total cost of attendance ~3k per year, and RIT ~30k after the first year. - UB is far cheaper than RIT, but I prefer Rochester to Buffalo as it’s warmer, closer to me (1 hr vs 2 hrs), and my brother lives there, so I could commute. - I plan to transfer either to UB or RIT after MCC.
What kind of merit financial aid can I expect as a transfer student? Is it worth reluctantly storing my car at my dad’s house and staying on campus for the first year at RIT or UB for “the social experience”? Seems like a major cash grab, but I’m not sure I have a choice. Am I sacrificing quality classes my first 2 years by entering the massive lecture halls of RIT and UB and missing out on MCC’s hands-on experiences?
I’m super torn. Any guidance is appreciated. Thanks y’all.🫶

I’m deciding between 3 colleges for Mechanical Engineering at the moment: - MCC - RIT - UB
My itch is whether community college is the right choice as the first step. Here’s my situation: - I live with my dad who’s been poor for most of his life. He has recently started making good money, but has no retirement savings. For this reason, I get next to no need-based financial aid, and yet him and my mom plan to contribute $12.5k/yr. - RIT has offered me their $25k/yr presidential scholarship plus an extra ~5k/yr to bring tuition plus room and board to about 40k a year. I’m currently enrolled in their accelerated MechE MBA program. - My brother wants to size up from a 1-bed apartment to a 2-bed, and I told him I’d split the difference so I could commute to college. This would make MCC’s total cost of attendance ~3k per year, and RIT ~30k after the first year. - UB is far cheaper than RIT, but I prefer Rochester to Buffalo as it’s warmer, closer to me (1 hr vs 2 hrs), and my brother lives there, so I could commute. - I plan to transfer either to UB or RIT after MCC.
What kind of merit financial aid can I expect as a transfer student? Is it worth reluctantly storing my car at my dad’s house and staying on campus for the first year at RIT or UB for “the social experience”? Seems like a major cash grab, but I’m not sure I have a choice. Am I sacrificing quality classes my first 2 years by entering the massive lecture halls of RIT and UB and missing out on MCC’s hands-on experiences?
I’m super torn. Any guidance is appreciated. Thanks y’all.🫶

I’m deciding between 3 colleges for Mechanical Engineering at the moment: - MCC - RIT - UB My itch is whether community college is the right choice as the first step. Here’s my situation: - I live with my dad who’s been poor for most of his life. He has recently started making good money, but has no retirement savings. For this reason, I get next to no need-based financial aid, and yet him and my mom plan to contribute $12.5k/yr. - RIT has offered me their $25k/yr presidential scholarship plus an extra ~5k/yr to bring tuition plus room and board to about 40k a year. I’m currently enrolled in their accelerated MechE MBA program. - My brother wants to size up from a 1-bed apartment to a 2-bed, and I told him I’d split the difference so I could commute to college. This would make MCC’s total cost of attendance ~3k per year, and RIT ~30k after the first year. - UB is far cheaper than RIT, but I prefer Rochester to Buffalo as it’s warmer, closer to me (1 hr vs 2 hrs), and my brother lives there, so I could commute. - I plan to transfer either to UB or RIT after MCC. What kind of merit financial aid can I expect as a transfer student? Is it worth reluctantly storing my car at my dad’s house and staying on campus for the first year at RIT or UB for “the social experience”? Seems like a major cash grab, but I’m not sure I have a choice. Am I sacrificing quality classes my first 2 years by entering the massive lecture halls of RIT and UB and missing out on MCC’s hands-on experiences? I’m super torn. Any guidance is appreciated. Thanks y’all.🫶

We've been married 10 years. Two kids under 10. I would not say that emotional regulation is her strong suit. It's very easy for her to get upset and I'm always choosing my words careful so as not to get her mad.
I am not perfect. But sometimes I feel like her (figurative) punching bag. Sometimes we have arguments, and she'll say whatever she wants then starts to walk away saying she needs to cool down and I need to stop talking. Like she gets to say whatever she wants, and whatever my thoughts or feelings are be damned, because she decided she's walking away now and she needs to cool down even though I gave her a turn to speak and listened to everything she said.
So sometimes when she walks away I have more to say and I follow her to speak my piece. I don't stop her from going anywhere or block her entry to anything. But when I do that she threatens to punch me in the face. And she's told me about punching past boyfriends. She's threatened me with it on multiple occasions. One time we were having a disagreement in our chevy and she told me I needed to stop talking before she punched me in the mouth. Our kids were in the back seat.
Our relationship has never been violent. It is only in these heated moments that she threatens me with harm.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I work on myself to try and be better in our relationship but she doesn't. I've done therapy to try and be better. But she's wearing me down.
I don't know how much I have left in me for this. She has told me she refuses to change. Yet she expects me to. And I try.
When do you draw the line? When do you say "I don't deserve this"? When do you say "I need to end this"? When is it reasonable of me to conclude that this person is not reasonable and it's not my job to save them?
I appreciate any and all perspectives and comments you may offer.

I'm 30F and I was emotionally unavailable in my twenties because of childhood trauma that made me incapable of letting people in. I've done immense therapy and healing and I feel like I wanna start dating in the next year. I know that I deserve love despite my past, but I have a deep insecurity over trying to explain to a man on a first date why I haven't had serious relationships. I actually had a man tell me that was a red flag a couple years ago which is where that insecurity stems from.
I wanna know how to phrase my reasoning for my lack of past relationships without revealing deep trauma too early on in the dating process. Let me know if you have any advice or tips on this, it would be much appreciated!

To start things off I haven't been a mainline fan of the game for years. I played it a little bit, realized it wasn't my style and stopped, so I haven't been keeping up with news and recent events. So when I saw on here and other Tarkov subreddits the talk of a new edition, I thought it was just some of the usual, people getting mad about a new, more expensive edition and the extra content it's offering. Some salt, but nothing serious.
Then I realized just how bad it was. Exactly how much was on offer in this new edition and how the devs have responded to the very well deserved backlash. I get it now, and I'm sorry that I saw some of you as just people over exaggerating or being a little too salty. Y'all have every reason to be mad and I'm right there with you. Offline PvE, with no wipes or resets, would get me back into this game in a heartbeat, and BSG having the 2 ton brass balls to lock it behind a paywall, along with so many other boosts/advantages then getting upset with the community for their backlash AND trying to downplay it all has my blood boiling.

I, 28f, have been with my bf, 29m, for 1.5 years now. We live together in a townhome and get along great. There’s no issues with living together and we’re both extremely comfortable with each other. I love him so much. He makes me feel so safe and like I can truly be myself around him. For context, I have been in some pretty bad mentally and emotionally abusive relationships. He’s the first person that makes me feel like I deserve something great. He makes me extremely happy but I don’t ever want to be intimate with him.. nothing he does turns me on. I find him attractive but for some reason that sexual chemistry just isn’t there. I’ve tried talking to him about it before but he doesn’t have an issue on his end. He doesn’t really ever flirt with me or be playful. I also have to pry it out of him for him to compliment me in anyway. He says it just doesn’t come naturally for him. For me, it feels like we’re friends because of that lack of flirtation. I’ve wondered if we should break up but I don’t want to live without him. I see him being a wonderful forever partner and a great future father.
Any ideas on ways to help with the sexual chemistry?
TL;DR: been with bf for 1.5 years. Find him attractive but struggling with sexual attraction. Looking for advice
EDIT: he does work on complimenting me and is truly trying. He’s even attended a few of my therapy sessions with me. He always acts upon issues I’ve had, but the compliment one is something he’s having a harder time at improving.

Only 5 rounds left of Super Rugby (and then playoffs), so it’s getting to that time where the ABs makeup should be starting to come together.
There are a lot of positions that are not locked down. Fortunately, Razor has always been an excellent selector (unlike his predecessor) so I have faith that he’ll get the mix right.
This is what I would personally like to see (not necessarily what I think will happen) What do you guys think?:

1. Numia (form is too undeniable. Great in every aspect)
2. Aumua (form hooker - should be back from injury just in time)
3. Lomax (obviously)
4. Barrett (obviously)
5. Vai’i (on reputation and physical attributes mainly - being pushed hard by a few others)
6. Finau (provides that Kaino-like physicality, bringing balance. Being strongly challenged by many guys though)
7. Savea (captain. Prefer him at 7. Makes room for the form Sotutu. Cane doesn’t warrant selection imo)
8. Sotutu (has reinvented himself this year. Awesome all round game)
9. Perenara (hasn’t lost it. Fantastic player, in good form. Leadership.)
10. DMac (obviously)
11. Telea (has to be there, either wing)
12. Barrett (obviously)
13. ALB (Ioane out of form and not a good mix starting at centre. Proctor has a good case, however ALB has that extra level of class and has come back strong.)
14. Reece (has to be there. In career best form. Absolute dynamism)
15. Stevenson (shame about Jordan. Stevensons form has been world class for 3 years now. He deserves it. Love is putting his name in the ring too though).
    
16. Taukeiaho (not in vintage form but still next best option. If Taylor is back in time then he can very well go here).
    
17. De Groot
    
18. Tu’ungafasi
    
19. Delaney (awesome form, tuipolotu also making a great case)
    
20. Iose (in great form and is a perfect impact player. Would be just as happy with Lakai for the same reasons).
    
21. Fakatava (freakish player, will be lethal behind ABs pack. Ratima not far off though)
    
22. Barrett (not what he used to be but still class)
    
23. Ioane (covers centre and wing nicely. Narawa and Clarke unlucky, need centre cover)
    

Also in the squad (assuming squad will be 36):
Taylor, Williams, Newell, Tuipolotu, Lakai, Grace, Papalii, Ratima, Perofeta, Proctor, Narawa, Clarke, Love,
Thoughts?

God, Idk how to process what I'm feeling right now. Today is my 30th bday and I just found out that my lola died last night. I'm in shambles... She was the whole reason why me and my sister were able to graduate in college.
Lola, you're now with lolo in God's paradise. I will be forever thankful for you, your humor and generosity. I wish I have your work ethics. You will be missed. I wish I was able to tell you I love you when you were alive. I wasn't even able to make "mano" last time I went home coz I didn't wanna disturb you in your sleep. Just know that I will keep in mind what you told me last time about being "madiskarte and maabilidad in life." 3 years ago, lolo died, same birth month, I was devastated too. But among my grandparents, you were the closest to me so this hits pretty hard.
Just know, I love and appreciate you. You deserve a peaceful sleep now lola. No more pain.🙏

Long-time lurker here (as described by the username), but I never felt the need to post until now. I want to share a recent experience and seek advice from the community.
A couple days ago, I lost my AirPods in a taxi and only realized it about an hour later. I used the Find My app and they showed up on the app as being just a short walk from my apartment, which was very coincidental, because I was all the way on the other side of Taipei when I dropped them. I called the taxi driver, and he was nice enough to look, but he didn’t see them. He did confirm that after I had gotten out, he took a passenger to my neighborhood, so it was pretty clear that the next passenger found my AirPods and took them. I activated the "Lost Device" feature, hoping the finder would contact me, but that didn't happen.
Over the next couple days, the location tracking showed the AirPods most of the time in that nearby apartment building, which I assumed was the finder’s home. It was a run-down apartment building, so I told myself that perhaps it was a poor student or someone less well-off, which doesn’t make it ok, but at least somewhat understandable. If he’s less well-off, the temptation to keep them was just too great.
The AirPods also pinged at various locations like a nearby mall, grocery store, and gym. I tried tracking them down at those times, but the Find My app only updates every few minutes, so that can be challenging in such crowded environments, especially when there are buildings with multiple stories. Luckily, I didn’t have much else going on this weekend, so I didn’t mind wasting my time like that.
I finally intercepted the thief returning home. It turned out to be a middle-aged woman (late 50s/early 60s) and her husband living in a high-end building next door, not the run-down one I initially thought.
When confronted, the husband stammered, and the woman claimed she mistook my AirPods for hers. She then rummaged through her purse, pulled out her own AirPods (which had a case, unlike mine) before finding mine and giving them back back. They hurriedly slunk into the building, but not before I could take a photo. I think she may have been an expat, as she had a slight accent, and that building is known for being filled with expats.
Her excuse was clearly made up, since she had both pairs with her and hers had a distinctive case while mine was bare. It's obvious she took them with the plan of keeping them. If she truly had innocent intentions, she could have easily returned them to the driver, contacted me through the Lost Device message, or even turned them into the police. She had also just come back from spending a couple hours at Guanghua Digital Plaza, so the only reason I can think that she’d carry both her own AirPods AND the stolen ones for her trip was to either (a) sell them or (b) get help resetting them and erasing the lock device feature.
While I'm glad I recovered my AirPods, I had already accepted the loss and ordered replacements. What truly bugs me is her behavior, especially considering Taiwan's reputation for honesty and kindness. This woman was clearly well-off, making her actions even more bothersome.
Now, I'm torn between letting it go and doing something to make her life more difficult. What do people think?
If I should take some action, any suggestions on what to do? I have a photo of her and know the building, but not her specific unit. I could try asking the doorman, but I'm unsure if he'd provide that information. I wouldn't want to cause major trouble, but I do believe she deserves some consequence for her dishonest actions. Ideally, I want her to understand the wrongness of her behavior and hopefully choose the right path next time.