⚠️TW: CHILDHOOD SA/R*PE, POTENTIAL VERBAL ABUSE, POTENTIAL MENTAL ABUSE, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLICS ⚠️
So I (18f) live with my grandmother (62f) and my mother (46f). Now, because it’s kinda relevant, my grandmother is sober she only drinks on occasion and hasn’t been drunk in years, I smoke weed as I use it to treat my epilepsy and anxiety caused by my epilepsy and have been doing so since 13 but everything else from other drugs to alcohol doesn’t interest me I see no point, my mother takes pills like Xanax basically anything that will put her to sleep she smokes cigarettes as well as weed and has been an alcoholic since 16 and has tried multiple times to be sober. The longest she’s been sober from alcohol was 4 years back when I was 6-10 when she met her ex husband (who was an ex meth addict and left us for meth, ironic) but every other time she’s been sober from alcohol it’s been off and on for short periods of time. Now, to clarify my mother is a victim of r*pe, from ages 4 to 14 she was assaulted by her carer and beaten by her other carer. She finally escaped and went into the Australian childcare system when she was 12 but her carers still had unsupervised visits with her until 14. She went to mandatory therapy for 25 years. Had her first child at 16, her second at 19 and me her last at 24 all with the same man my father a commercial fisherman who was abusive emotionally, physically and financially. So basically my mother has been through hell and has never felt loved.
In 2018 my mother got back in contact with a guy she went to school with, let’s call him Greg. Greg is divorced, an alcoholic, a typical metal head, had diabetes type 1, is the baby of his family and still lives with his sister and her husband. Mum was pretty rocky at this time, one moment she wanted to be better then the next she was giving up saying nothing works. In 2020 my mother and I moved in with my grandmother her mother. She was still with Greg and still super rocky so I left and moved in with my father for 6 months then moved back in with my mother and grandmother. Her and Greg were going through some issues, me and mum become kinda close at this time. She’d vent to me and stuff. So basically he kept saying he was going to buy them a place then would go back and say he wanted her to move in with him and his sister.
Now, 3-4 weeks ago he broke up with her because there was this wedding they were meant to go to with his family but his mum invited his ex wife (his family hates us) and his sister said she could sleep in Greg’s room and replaces Greg’s photos of him and my mum of old photos of Greg and his ex wife. For the first day or two mum just drank and popped pills, she was really depressed. Then she got better, she got into this health kick. She stopped drinking and started saying she wasn’t interested, she was working out and going on walks, talking about all this super healthy stuff. She was doing great, for the first week I doubted it would last so just ignored her. I was kind of rude that week because frankly I was tired of her shit, I knew were this was going and hated her for it. The second week I started to help her, we were declutterring her room and everything. I was hoping since it lasted a week it might last and maybe I can have a real actually loving relationship with my mother. This week? She said to me last night as she was on her 5th double shot can of Jack Daniel’s she was done, she said she was tired of not seeing the results and was giving up.
This really hurts me, I’m moving out soon. My original plan before Greg left was to move out and cut my family off, I’ve spent my life trying to make them love me only to realise two things. They love the me they want me to be and you can’t force people to love you, no matter how much you love them. When my mum started to do better I said to her “I hope you know this is your last chance to have a relationship with your last child” (to clarify, my sister her oldest cut contact only to go backwards and keep talking to mum, my brother her second cut contact and only speaks to her through our sister usually for money) and I was really hoping she’d be better and I wouldn’t have to cut her off. Since she’s been going back into her pit I’ve been a bit frustrated and been giving her a bit off shit I know she DOESNT appreciate. I give her looks when she mentions alcohol or I say things like “are you sure you want to do that👀”. Now I’m kind of planning on cutting her off again.
Basically, what I want to know is would I be the asshole for cutting her off? Would be the asshole for not cutting her off? I’ve always said I want to be better than my parents or siblings. As humans we are hypocrites, we are selfish but my family are also two faced and loveless. As humans we are also selfless and kind and I will be what my family can’t be. But I know they have hearts even if they aren’t sure how to use them, but who am I to tell someone how to use their heart. They aren’t loving me the way I want to be loved but am I loving them the way they want to be loved, but is that their job? Is that my job? I want to do the right thing by me, but to do that I can’t hurt anyone, and that’s just not possible. How do I leave them knowing I love them still?

I (26f) have never cared much about the race of the men I date. My way of thinking is as long as we genuinely vibe well, have similar goals/opinions and like similar things, it's all good. The few white men I've dated have always never dated anyone black and are basically clueless on how to act. They either offend me by the way they act/ opinions they have or they're almost too scared to even say or do anything for fear OF offending me. It's definitely a process and a talk that needs to be had between partners.
It feels like a unique position to be in because a lot of time I feel like it's a never ending thing of having to educate and teach them certain things about black women and culture in general. I guess I'm just tired. Tired of being the first. I feel like if they really want to be with a black woman specifically, they should take it upon THEMSELVES to learn how to be with us, make us feel safe/comfortable, what not to say. This only goes for the ones who truly want to love us, not just to have a "taste" and fulfill some fetish or fantasy. Idk how to feel about this. Am I asking for too much? Or do I need to change the way I think?

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3^rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .

Hi everyone, recently I discovered the brand Pueblo and loved their varieties, both the tan and blue. Always been a full flavored smoker myself but here and there in the summer i like to buy a milder tobacco pouch so my mouth isn't overwhelmed by the taste. The Pueblo tan is a very nice full flavored pouch with some pretty interesting hints of sweetness, such as nuts and vanilla. The mellow variety, pueblo blue, has an identical flavor profile but less present and seems a nice summer smoke that suits my needs. I feel that both leave a similar kick on the throat but don't know about nicotine levels on rolling tobacco pouches. With that being said, do nicotine levels usually differ in different varieties from the same brand?
Does different varieties of the same brand overall share the same levels of tar and nicotine or is the full flavored usually stronger as it is in pre packaged cigarettes?

I have been looking for 8mm filters that are not made from plastic. I have found a few 6mm natural fibre filters, and I cannot understand why not in 8mm. Is 8mm for tobacco/cigarettes irregular?
I tried the 8mm RAW cotton filters, and experienced zero draw. I tried unpacking the densely packed filter, hastily got annoyed and regretfully threw the whole bag out thinking “how could they sell a product that does not work?”
I tried to get Arango organic filters, but the one site that carries them does not deliver outside the US, and the other site is a wholesaler. I am in Canada.
I tried to order from Mr Tipps for their bamboo corn filter. This product looks pretty cool. But there is a website error that prevents me from completing the order while checking out. And they are unresponsive to emails.
In the meantime I have been stuffing bits of cotton in pre rolled tips. But this is pretty tedious. Am I S.O.L.? I moved to RYO for a cleaner smoke. Tobacco, paper, filter. And there does not seem to be a market for filters made from a non plastic material. Cotton, paper, corn, etc.
I would genuinely like to understand why not? I am blue collar, and it seems like most smokers around me are only interested in the cheapest smoke they can get and don’t care what is in it or what it is made from or even how bad the smoke is. I would think smoking through a plastic filter would be undesirable.
I would move to just pre rolled paper tips, but I get tongue bite when smoking without filters, and loose tobacco falls out. Perhaps I could dry the tobacco a bit more, and try a slower draw more like cigar smoking. I don’t know.
Any suggestions? Thank you.

I need advice, though this is partially to vent, I want to get my thoughts and feelings out there, so that maybe something someone says can help me. I (F18) live in my childhood home with my father (M55), mother (F50), sibling (NB14), sister (F21) and brother in law (M23). I get along great with everyone, except for my father. I've known my father, mother, and sister as long as I can remember, my sibling is 3 years younger than me, and we've known my brother in law for about 5 years.
In childhood, my father was never really present in our lives. He worked a normal job with normal hours, but when he got home all he did was watch TV. I remember this very distinctly as we were kicked off the TV at 5, when he came home. Even when he was off of the TV, he was distant and never really involved with us. Even when he did take one or more of us out, it was just to something we liked for a small amount of time, then we had to go to a hardware store or something with him for hours. All of us quickly learned to not accept his offers of going to McDonald's for a quick meal. He'd occasionally trick us, saying it was a reward for something, then drag us somewhere anyway.
His distant behavior became worse when his dad died, and his mother came to live with us. To make a long and horrible story short, she put me and my sibling through hell, bullying us about weight, appearance, behavior and anything you could ever think one would nitpick children for. This was when I was 13-14, and it left a lot of issues for myself and my sibling to deal with. At first he denied anything was happening, but then it got so bad I slipped to my therapist that I wanted to end my life, and he took me seriously after that. My father's mother was kicked out, but I was in rough shape.
Ever since then he has treated me like a fragile flower, always trying to say things like "You can always talk to your mom or I", but he knew this wasn't the case. I could never bring up anything with him as he would just tell me to go to mom, and never really supported me emotionally. He has depression and anxiety just like myself and my sibling, but unlike us he doesn't take his meds or go to therapy; he basically just doesn't do anything to improve himself.
But it really got bad when my sister graduated from high school and moved out. She had been with her boyfriend for about 3 years when they got engaged, and were married. This sent my father on a downward spiral. According to my mother, he had a bad drinking problem in the past, and had calmed down for a while, but this is when it started up again. My sister was always his obvious favorite; she looked like him, was athletic, smart, extroverted, and she had none of the mental issues he did. So her "leaving" him was very hard. He just couldn't deal with her growing up. I think it was partially because he never spent time with us, since after that he kept asking me to spend time with him, but at that point I had checked out of the relationship as much as he had.
He started spending more time in front of the TV. It really didn't help that he had an injury at work and had surgery on both of his shoulders, and he was being bullied when he did work. At this time, my mother had gotten a job to help pay for everything, and I was mostly home with my father, and he decided this meant I would do everything-all of the chores, cleaning up after him, cooking... everything my mom would normally do. They operated on his non-dominant shoulder first, so he could've helped, but no, he's just a poor helpless baby. I was 16 at the time, and also trying to learn to drive. His "driving lessons" consisted of him scolding me occasionally if I did something wrong, but not helping me learn at all.
I wanted to find a job, but between school and taking care of the house I was unable to. I got an allowance, but it was rather pitiful, and didn't even partially compensate me for the hours of endless work. Then there was an incident. My mom had told me to watch out for him when he'd been drinking, and I can easily tell when he was drinking. This was a day where I could tell he was drunk, but he came in asking for my help with something. He said that our truck was having issues and he wanted to look at the engine, so he asked me to help him wipe it off. I agreed. I went out with him, and my "helping" him was him watching while I wiped off the hood. Then he started to get angry.
I was focusing on the hood since he said he needed to lift it to look at the engine, but he told me to focus on the windshield. I was obiviously confused, but he grabbed another wiper and started to violently break apart the snow and wiping it off. I was still confused and kept wiping off the hood, but that made him more angry. He was moving in a way I knew would hurt him, but he was now raising his voice with me, angry and showing it. I started to dissociate, as that is my coping strategy, so I don't remember the exchange very well. All I know was there was a lot of swearing and yelling and calling me useless. Eventually he threw down his scraper and stormed off to the house.
I remember I was cold, sad, and I wanted to cry and run off into the woods never to be seen again. I wanted to scream, sob, punch a wall; but I did none of that. All I did was stand there for a while, then remember it was garbage day and take the garbage cans down. When I got inside, he was in his chair, watching TV, whistling to a song. I went to my room and cried. I hated myself, him, and the world so much, and that day I broke a streak of almost a year of self harming. I wanted to do more, but my dog helped me not to.
I wish I had let him go. I wish I had let him drive. At that point I still had some slight love for him, and that made me want to prevent his death. I honestly regret that now. He often got mad and snapped at mom, but it was never directed at me before. I knew that mom, with all the stress she was going through with her job and being both the house- maintainer and breadwinner wouldn't be able to handle that he had snapped at me. So I downplayed it, just telling her what happened and she said he probably either wanted fast food or alcohol, both of which he is addicted to. I still haven't gotten an apology.
I'm going to skip over some time here, as honestly his behavior is too frequent and habitual to mention every frustrating thing, so I will fast forward to the worst of it. A few months before my sister's wedding, it got really bad. He had yelled at my mom a few times, and every time we just took the dogs into our rooms, and we had gotten door knobs with locks specifically for this sort of thing. It happened often enough that all it took was a text to the other, and my sibling and I knew what to do. The worst happened on March 23rd, 2023. I don't know how it started; we never knew, but it didn't matter. The worst part is, my sibling was stuck in the bathroom when it started, right next to where my dad was screaming at my mom. They can't use that bathroom now when he's home because of this.
All I knew was I got the text and got our 2 dogs in my room. All I could hear (I was on the 2nd floor and this happened on the 1st) was how my mom was a bad person, getting the kids to hate him, she was a female dog, etc. Again it's a little fuzzy, but it got worse when he got to the 2nd floor. When you get to the top of the stairs, to the right there is their bedroom, and down a short hallway there is a bathroom and 2 bedrooms, one being my sister's old room. He went in to their room, and all I can remeber is him screaming over and over, "And you can just go F YOURSELF", all while slamming their bedroom door.
He did this for a while. All I know is that I, my mom, and my sibling all recorded it, but I am not willing to listen through that recording to figure out how long he was yelling at the top of the stairs, but the recording is 10 minutes and 47 seconds. Eventually his slamming of the door got too forceful, he broke the whole door frame, and the door ended up wedged in the staircase. He knocked himself out in this process somehow, and was out for a while. When his friend came (mom had called him), he even tried to fight him, but he was put into bed. He says he doesn't remember this whole night.
There was an intervention after, with mom and his friend, and he agreed to stop, or at least slow down. He didn't. There were some more screaming fits, and the last major one was in the beginning of December. But now, instead of screaming, he'll just get mad and snap at mom for nothing. I hate seeing her cry, and this affected my sibling and I as well. My sibling hates him, and is just waiting for him to die. They felt conflicted about this at first, but after father corrected himself after using their correct pronouns and made a comment around them about how anyone who's trans is just mentally ill, they lost the tiny sliver of affection they had for him. I have done my best to be a good older sister, assuring them it's normal, and helping them come to terms with their feelings. Now they just say we really are just waiting for him to die, and they feel nothing towards this idea.
Father has gone to therapy once, after a screaming fit where I wrote down how much him doing this made me want to die, but he says he doesn't want to go back. He continues to drink, and to not take his meds. My reason for this post was yesterday. Mother's Day.
Despite both mom and I working later than him, he still does minimal house work. If he does anything, it is to empty the dishwasher into the dish drainer, then bug mom for praise. Mom, sibling and I do almost all of the housework. I thought maybe he'd pitch in on mother's day, but no. I told mom she was not allowed to do any housework, and I did all of the laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. The only thing I couldn't do was cook. But then, as I'm cleaning off the countertop and the table, father walks in and asks mom, "So what are you planning on doing?"
I wanted to punch him. He had been drinking, too. He'd been at least slightly drunk since noon. But HOW DARE HE. I think that was when I lost all hope for him. Then mom said, "I was just gonna leave it to you", and he had the audacity to look surprised, and even a little mad. He then walked away, I think to get stuff, but I don't care. I looked at mom, and she had the same baffled, amazed, and angry look I assume was on my face. But she looked a little sad, too. He couldn't do even this one thing on his own, on mother's day.
I had been angry with him for a long time, but at that it just grew into this huge raging fire. I hate him. With every bit of me. His disrespect and unwillingness to fix himself made me want to scream at him, give him a taste of what he gave us. But I couldn't. For the rest of the evening, mom couldn't just sit there; he needed to know the temperature and time things needed to cook, and she was just so frustrated.
Everything's at a boiling point. I want to tell him off, tell him how I feel, how much he's hurt everyone, and just how much I hate him. But I know I can't. If I do, he'll take it out on mom. Mom's too stressed already, as her job is hard and she's saving to separate if needed. She won't divorce him, since he could take the house, though they are both on the title, and she doesn't want to risk it. He's unhealthy as it is, my sibling is right; we really are just waiting for his liver to give out from all of the alcohol. But still, I am having a hard time living in the same house.
Sorry for the length, I get long winded when emotional. I'm just ignoring him for now, but I feel like my emotions could explode any day. Please give any advice you have. Thank you all.
TL;DR!: My father who is abusive has made me reach my limit, but I can't say anything. If I do, he'll yell at my mom, and I don't want that. I can't move out and she doesn't want to risk a divorce, in fear of losing everything, what do I do?

My Bf (20M) and I (22F) have been together since 1.5 year, and live together. He is a living bf, not enough romantic for my taste, but thoughtful, sweet, kind, and supportive. For some context, we are in two different situations. I have my exams, and I work a lot for them. I know that I already have my semester but like my bf, I have pretty big goals and need to have the better grades possible. My bf however finished his exams 2 weeks ago, and wait for the results. He has very big goals (think that like a very selective school, a dream school) and is in law school, so more difficult than my field (human sciences). We've both pretty stressed. In top of that, I face some health problems since October, and if that didn't impact the rest of my live, our sex life is basically very slow and insufficient for the both of us. Now, the problem : my bf stopped being supportive. It's kind of a nightmare to live with him, he is always stressed, and very sensitive. Normally, is these situations, I take some work out of his plate, and make his life easier. But right now I can't, I'm too busy for that. He asks me all the time to share time with him (but refuse dates, want to stay home and watch TV), pressed me to taking time off and seems down when I revise. He is a little bit too pushy, and I feel like he didn't understand when I explained that I need time to prepare my exams. Yesterday, I asked him if he knows where was an important paper for me (we both fucked up, and if I misplaced that paper, he throw it away when cleaning). He responded in a very defensive tone, saying that I misplace my things all the time, and if this paper was so important, I would place that better, and if I followed his advices, the paper will be online. I was stunned. He spoke to me very aggressively, and I respond that I just asked, and that he doesn't need to spoke to me like a dog. He respound that his tone was okay, and that's it. Today, after an exam, I take a nap, and played near him, while watching TV. I played 3 hours, discussing with him, a pleasant time. After 3 hours of playing, he jokingly pressed the play button of my computer. He's not dumb, and anyone can understand that this can make me lost my progression. I reacted immediately, telling him to stop while he pressed two other times the button. I lost it, and tell him that he acted like an idiot, that he basically loose 3 hours of my time, and that it was not funny. He said other and other that it was just a game. We argued 5 minutes and after that, I concentrated for taking my progression again. Now, he won't talk to me, even when I pressed him for resolving the conflict, so I go to sleep. He followed me and take his pillow, and said that he is going to sleep on the couch. I'm tired. I don't recognize him. I'm stressed bc of my exams, but I m also exhausted from the situation at home. What can I do ? Break up ?

Just a heads up for everyone (Trigger Warnings for: abusive people, behaviour and anti autistic slurs)
Ok I really need to ask this question and need to get an nt insight here you see when I tried to do these things in the past I got a lot of nt's very very angry with me and violent towards me, I don't understand why but I could use some insight into this am I doing something wrong or are they the nt's in the wrong these are the rules, roles and expectations I was told I had to follow right?
Things nt's have told me I can't do and have to do etc:
I'm not allowed to dress the way I want, so I don't I was told to dress in the British thug way, see eggsy's step fathers gang from kingsman for an example, but you see the way I want to dress is like say characters from supernatural and vampire diaries as that's sort of my taste, but they told me I had to dress the British thug way as otherwise I'd draw violence and upset my way and dressing how I want is creepy too according to them too.
Apparently I'm not allowed to have sex with who I want and also wants me back I.e. I always make sure there's 100% consent involved before proceeding, but they told me that I'm not allowed to do this as me being autistic and me having sex is creepy to everyone and it gives them disgusting thoughts and nightmares, even though I wouldn't be having sex with them it's still wrong apparently, and me saying that I wanted to have 100% consensual sex and I would never force or manipulate or guilt someone into having sex with me, even kissing etc in any shape or form is apparently me being entitled and acting entitled and I was also told I had Male entitlement in droves because this was and is my mentality, and sexual autistic people no matter what are creepy according to them and no matter what I do I am a rapist even if it is consensual and my sexual partner says it's not rape, I never understood this logic.
Apparently me being in shape, good hygiene such clean white teeth, good skin etc and having a good hairstyle is only for nt's and autistic people having these things is wrong and I needed to know my place and sit in the corner and not bring attention to myself and fulfill my role in the order of the world according to them as I've marked to be at the bottom because of my autism and I have no choice but to fulfil this role as that's all can do in the world and if I don't fulfil this role get uncomfortable and creeped out.
Apparently I'm not supposed to proactively go out of my way to make friends such as join meet up groups, work on my social skills and body language, learn social etiquette and dynamics etc, apparently I'm supposed not do this, I have to isolate myself and put with anyone who comes my way even abusive people, and I'm supposed to not defend myself and use my combat training as I probably upset my attacker even if didn't follow them around or say anything to them, go anywhere near them or make eye contact with them, I was told don't walk tall with my shoulders back and my head held high and dont work on your eye contact as when you look at these people in the eye even in passing, even for a fraction of a second is apparently asking for a fight and all this is creepy too, my behaviour apparently in the self improvement sense I mean.
Apparently I'm supposed to accept the fact if I do get into a relationship or get married I should accept the fact I will get cheated on and settled for and no one will love me romantically speaking or find me sexually desirable and no one would want to have children with me and any children born in my relationship or marriage will be by another man by cheating as well according to them I'm an autistic freak and no one can love that or be turned on by that or want to have children with me and need to accept my place.
Apparently I'm supposed to act like a stereotypical autistic person or otherwise anyway other from me is apparently creepy and comes across as unnatural and makes others uncomfortable.
Apparently I have to have stereotypical geek interests such as comics, video games etc as that's all autistic people are allowed to be into.
Apparently no matter what I do I'll always be a creep and a creepy guy, even when I'm not doing anything abnormal according to them, they also told me no matter what I do I'm sexist, mysgonistic and racist, even if I don't do things that are that, as my condition makes me that way.
Anyway to finalize I was told all this and I had to accept my role as people were born into roles and these where mine and if I didn't fulfill these things I'd be in deep trouble and probably end up in prison as it would cause violence etc which I would be blame for.
I heard this a lot from my mother and teachers and teaching assistants at my school, my grandfather, my mother's friends, people from college, kids at my school, even people after school and college, all these people are and were nts by the way, anyway this is why I isolate myself out of fear of not following the above will lead me to basically making my life hell on earth, I also found out years later that the kids at my school had mental disturbances which caused them to be violent I didn't know this at the time I was in school, I don't know if that information helps or not?
My grandmother by the way doesn't agree with any of this and doesn't and didn't want me to listen to them or follow what they said, my grandmother is an nt by the way.
So my question is there any truth to any of this or are they completely in the wrong, please help.

Forgive me for how bad this is because I'm awful at writing posts especially about myself but I'd love to meet some cool people and have some chilled chats about anything!
Here is some basic information about me if you're interested:
I'm Rory from the North Of Ireland and yes, I've got a weird accent
I currently work for the government, unfortunately I'm not a spy or anything exciting like that
I love music and I'm always going to gigs but my taste changes all the time, Some of my favourites lately are IDLES, Viagra Boys, Kneecap, and Fleet Foxes. I also love sharing songs and playlists so feel free to send them my way
I'm a big traveller and love going on adventures especially to new places
I'm a bit of a gamer and play PS5/PC but I'm a bit of a loner in that department and would be down to play with some new people
I have a unhealthy addiction collecting vinyls
I'm constantly rewatching the same tv shows such as the office, it's always sunny in philadelphia, peep show, and the thick of it but I'm open for more recommendations
I enjoy reading books or watching documentaries on true crime and Irish history because I'm a loser
If none of the above interests you I have two dogs who are the best bois in the world and I can just provide pictures of them
I don't know else to say and feel like I've rambled on enough so hit me up if you'd like to! Have a good day! :)

Total amateur with a lot to learn here, but I love the deep, verdant landscapes found in the background and edges of the fete gallant style paintings from the famous French painters like Watteau, Fragonard, and Boucher. This really contributes to the dreamlike quality of these scenes to me.
Gainsborough seemed to take this feature and gave it a rustic, almost gloomy atmosphere that I really like. The erotic merriment in the park became a pastoral struggle-- or balance -- with nature. No idea if this is how viewers actually thought about it though.
For architecture I like how the sinuous, curvings lines in the wood and plaster scroll work can make the room feel somehow organic, like it's growing out of the earth or heaven and breathing light. There seems to be a kind of philosophy employed there that I've never heard explained or historicized.
All pretty basic and common observations. I'd appreciate any recommendations for academic analyses of rococo traditions and their historical contexts. Why did the changes in artistic taste occur in this way, in this region and time? How did rococo styles spread across European cultures? What kinds of symbolism are found in rococo art and what did they mean to artists, viewers, and patrons?

Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.

Basically I went to a shop for some brake work, and there was a miscommunication between the managers quote and my expectations for a brake flush. I just wanted a brake flush (108$) but the shop wanted to add a mandatory inspection (138$) since I told them the pedal was soft (anyone who knows cars would know after a flush, they would drive the car and let me know if the pedal is firm again). Later on the manager told me the total was 300$ (no flush was provided but apparently an "inspection" was). I politely informed him I never approved of the inspection, and I understand the impression that my issue would be answered after the post brake fluid flush test drive. After some back and forth I straight up told the manager "it's convenient how you hear things which benefit your business but not the customer" a little tongue in check joke. He took offense to that and after some arguing he told me to leave, how he didn't need my money and how he doesn't want my business. Before I left i entered the business to pay but the manager went to the back immediately. I waited in the parking lot for a couple of minutes before leaving, but was not approached by anyone so I left. Once I got home, I left a scathing Google review. I just let everything be known and left it at that
Here's the review:
"Things have changed since Charles was around. Damn shame. The current manager has poor customer skills if he gets offended by the statement "it's convenient how you hear what benefits your business but not the customer". All over the manager not quoting additional costs and fees associated with a brake fluid flush. 108$ brake fluid flush but it's mandatory that you have to pay 138$ for the inspection. So the fluid flush is actually close to 300$ with all fees. You have to make sure the car works perfectly after a flush and the post service drive and inspection should be included in the 108$ or the service of the fluid flush should have it incorporated from the start. Very predatory and not at all how this shop used to operate in decades past.
And the odds are the manager can't even accept his mistake and will scream like a little toddler as his customers. You can easily bet the manager is going to respond with a long winded statement to this review about how he's never in the wrong and how he's always in the right. It's easy to accuse your customers of always being right, when the responses to Google reviews shows an immature manager incapable of accepting that there was a miscommunication and to express how that won't happen in the future.
Do better or be better but acting sensitive over a factual statement shows how weak this business has become over the years.
Edit: 94$ for a brake fluid flush at AG, and 108$ at RG It's a sad day when the dealership is cheaper than Rg.
Edit: Jeff the manager called and threatened to call the cops on me if I don't take down the review for not paying for the inspection. The manager Jeff shouted over 2 times to get out of his office and not to pay and how he doesn't need my money. I was sitting in the parking lot for 5 minutes before I left and was not once approached by Jeff to pay. If he's threatening me like this, this is a poor taste in how this business operates."
(Names edited for privacy)
The second edit was done after the threatening phone call. Other than filing harassment charges on the business, is there anything I can do? Should I be worried about the business calling the cops on me? I tried to pay but the business owner blew me off the day of the incident and based on his word I left. If I have to pay, he's getting pennies.

I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.

Pretty much every single YouTuber I watched promotes this stuff and so I decided to finally try it and it was terrible. I tried Anime Girl Thigh because I like orange creamsicle flavored stuff and it just tasted like crushed up multivitamins.
I know that gamersupps' whole thing is that it's just different flavors of the same basic formula so I'm wondering if there's a point in trying another flavor or if they all kind of have that same vitamin taste. I don't want to just write it off entirely based on one experience but I mean that stuff isn't exactly cheap if it's just going to waste and if all of them are going to taste the same then it would just be a waste of my money. So I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on which flavors maybe don't have that taste or if they all do and I should just look for a different drink

Do you dream of soaring above the clouds? Aboard Vindr, the magnificent flying city, that dream becomes reality! Once a year, Vindr docks on the world below, offering a chance for outsiders to join its fantastical year-long voyage. This is your chance to embark on your First Tour. Vindr, a marvel of Magitech – a world where technology and magic intertwine – welcomes all. Will you: - Unravel ancient mysteries whispered on the wind? - Seek forgotten knowledge from the city's esteemed scholars who harness the power of Magitech for wondrous creations? - Embrace thrilling adventures in uncharted lands, wielding your unique skills alongside magitech marvels? Vindr beckons adventurers of all walks of life, from scholars and scoundrels to artisans and those who wield arcane or martial prowess. Perhaps you're a cunning rogue who can navigate the bustling markets, a studious wizard eager to delve into the secrets of Magitech, or a fearless barbarian seeking a new challenge. What brings you to our doorstep is entirely up to you. Perhaps you yearn for a taste of the extraordinary, or maybe you seek a fresh start amidst the swirling clouds. One thing's for certain: on Vindr, your First Tour will be an unforgettable one. Packed with exploration, intrigue, and the thrill of discovery, this campaign offers a unique blend of urban exploration, high-flying adventure, and the wonders (and potential dangers) of the Age of Magitech. Are you ready to spread your wings and write your legend amongst the stars? ___________
You should have a basic working knowledge of Roll20. Character sheets can be hosted in the Roll20 game, on your own DNDBeyond account, on a GSheet, on DiceCloud, on a PDF, or on a sheet of paper. Whatever works for you, I just need it to be completely completed by the time the game starts, and I need to be able to see a copy of it. Because of this, I am allowing the use of Physical Dice. Should I or another player suspect you of cheating, the game will pause while we... chat. - Characters will be level 10. - Stats will be rolled for in server, roll 2 sets, use Point Buy if you don't like either. - You will be given 2 Uncommon and 2 common items. - You will also be given a free feat at character creation (Sorry, no Variant Human or Custom Lineage). - Anything published by Wizards is fair game. Critrole content is fine and homebrew is usually okay if I approve it beforehand. Homebrew Content: I'm open to considering homebrew content. I tend to approve things like: - Homebrew from Published resources (Mage Hand Press, Kobold Press, etc) - Homebrew from trusted creators (KibblesTasty, Bamstacks, etc) I won't approve anything you send me from DandWiki. ___________
https://startplaying.games/adventure/clw3t4ttl00cv6x6t021o9ojh

Chapter 1

Concept art for Sybil
Of Men and Ghost Ships, Book 1: Chapter 16
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As he made the Captain's case, Carter was staring down his...crew, for lack of a better term. "Listen, I'm not big on allowing some random people on our ship either, but according to the Captain of their vessel, this guy might not last until rescue gets here. You can quickly treat him while we're cannibalizing that pirate vessel, and then we'll put them back in their pod and be on our way. In return, they're offering us all the munitions on the ship they have a claim on. It's not a bad deal."
The vixen seemed to have already made up her mind. No surprises there. "Absolutely not! We don't owe these people a thing! They're already lucky you're letting them keep what you are!"
The girl adjusted her glasses. "I don't see any particular benefit to us in this either. What few munitions are left on that ship aren't likely in any condition to be of use to us unless we take them apart and put them back together again, costing us almost as much time and energy as just going out and finding more elsewhere. We've got more than enough resources from that nearly whole vessel at our disposal for the time being. It is an unnecessary risk with little payoff."
So, this time, it came down to the pirate. All three turned to him as he considered the options. "Well, I don't know about owning anyone anything or how well we'll get paid, but from the sounds of things, this lad got injured fighting against overwhelming numbers in an all-hope-is-lost kinda situation and managed to get not only himself but his companions out alive! That kind of heave-ho attitude deserves to be rewarded! Sides, the only one who'll really be at risk is our Captain. It's not like they can do anything to the ship if we don't let them!"
Carter was starting to suspect the supposed pirate was more of a softy than he let on but wasn't about to say anything to that effect. Instead, he just shook his head. "Even split, so I guess I get to use my tiebreaker authority to make the call again. Contact Captain Dimitri and let him know we'll be taking the injured man on board just long enough to stabilize him, but no one can take any weapons off the pod with them. If we see so much as a knife, we'll space the lot of them."
-
As Alen sat up, he noticed he was having trouble focusing. Vanessa was speaking with someone on their console. It might have been the Captain, but he wasn't sure. "Are you sure we can trust them? This is taking a considerable risk..."
The response didn't sound as confident as he usually did. "Honestly, no, I'm not, and from what I remember of this ship, it doesn't exactly have the best of reputations. However, they could have easily waltzed in here, killed us, ignored us, and/or taken everything they wanted. Instead, they took the time to say hi and even bothered with negotiations. Also, judging by what we just saw, they aren't any more friendly toward pirates than we are, so that's a mark in their favor. If the boy was in better condition, I'd say he could just ride it out, but you mentioned he's not doing very well, so this is his only option. Besides, it's not like the government would let us keep many of the munitions on board that ship. He's got no choice, and it's not really costing us anything, might as well."
Vanessa didn't seem particularly appeased, but she didn't argue other than to mutter low enough that the Captain probably couldn't hear her. "It might cost a couple of us something..."
At this point, Alen was reasonably sure they were talking about him. However, the world wouldn't stop spinning long enough for him to consider his own thoughts on the subject. Instead, he just closed his eyes and hoped things would work out for the best.
-
Carter watched from overhead as the pod docked in the ship's bay. It seemed so small compared to the cavernous room, but he knew appearances could be deceptive. For instance, he wasn't exactly prepared to put up much of a fight himself, as his handgun was still mostly empty, but he wasn't about to let them know that.
The Captain had warned him there were not one, but two aliens aboard the pod and that they were pretty intimidating to look at. Carter had to admit that it made him curious. Everyone knew about the Vitexrā by now; they'd made quite the galactic splash a couple hundred years ago, but he'd never heard anything about a second species being discovered and wondered where the hell this other guy had come from or even what he looked like.
The girl was beside him as usual. "We've begun cannibalizing the pirate ship. The process will take several hours, though we're prioritizing more important components first in case we're interrupted."
Carter nodded. "Sounds good."
As he watched their guests disembark the ship, Carter couldn't help but frown. The big alien he's been warned about looked like he could easily cause more than his fair share of trouble. Nodding in their direction, he asked the girl, "Any weapons you can scan on them? And how about the kid? Is he really injured?"
The girl shook her head. "No weapons, although those two are pretty much weapons in and of themselves. Even if you had a full magazine, I'm not sure I'd put any money on you in a fight. Luckily, now that we have a captain, you won't be alone. We have some ancillaries ready to escort our guests to and from the med bay. As for the injured party, he seems legitimately in trouble, and the wounds are from before we showed up."
With a sigh, Carter turned away from the observation screen. "Alright. Sounds like we might as well get down there and say hi."
-
Carter conceptually knew how large the alien he was greeting was, but when he first opened the door, he had to fight the urge to take a defensive step back. Standing in front of him was some sort of anthropomorphic, nearly eight-foot-tall cat lizard, which gave off a vaguely Viking aura as it grinned down at the much smaller human.
When it spoke, Carter noticed the alien had a thick accent, thick enough to make him somewhat hard to understand, even though he seemed to be speaking Basic. "You must be the Captain! Good to meet ya!" Then, he turned to the other alien, the Vitexrā, who would have been just as intimidating despite her smaller size if Carter hadn't already had some idea what to expect. "See? I told ya they wouldn't bother inviting us on just to space us!"
The alien gave Carter a grin he suspected was meant to be more friendly than intimidating, but it failed on that account. Still, with the two large robotic frames at Carter's back, he knew that if push came to shove, he stood a reasonable chance of getting out of this alive. "Yeah, well, I'm not in the habit of spacing people who just need some help. I'm Captain Carter, by the way, and so long as you don't make any trouble, you won't get any from us. With that said, welcome aboard the Sybil."
Carter wasn't exactly a medical expert, but he'd been around the injured enough to see that the human the two aliens were escorting was in rough shape. Blood loss and shock, at the very least, probably caused by some sort of traumatic injury. Hopefully, the out-of-date medical facility on this ship would be up to the task, though Carter guessed the odds were more fifty-fifty.
The large alien's grin somehow grew broader and more toothy. "Call me Erik. This is Vanessa and Alen. Any help you can offer would be welcome!"
Carter refrained from commenting on how weird it was to hear the alien use such a standard human name, and instead simply nodded. "Alright, then follow me."
With that, Carter turned and led the way to the med bay, with the two robotic frames walking between him and their guests. He was reasonably sure he remembered the way from here, and if not, Sybil could say something. He had to fight the urge to turn and get another look at the two aliens, though.
As he finally approached the door he'd been looking for, Carter triggered the lights and pointed to the table. "Alright, put him there, and Sybil will see if she can't fix him up. I have to warn you, though, our facility isn't the most up-to-date, and given his condition, I'd say his odds are pretty even at this point."
As the large cat/lizard put the human down, the Vitexrā looked around as if searching for something before she spoke up, surprising Carter with her unexpected English accent. "Are there no medical personnel around?"
Carter was so surprised by the accent that he hesitated answering just long enough for the vixen to pop into existence and answer for him. "As if I need some wasteful organic assistance to do my job. And not to contradict my Captain, but I'd say this boy has a more than seventy-three percent survival chance. Now, if you will all please leave the room and let me do my job, I'll see if I can't save this human despite your best efforts!"
Carter sort of wanted to say something about her bedside manner but decided to keep his mouth shut as it served no purpose at this point. Besides, as the various metallic articulated arms around the table came to life, he decided he didn't want to see what the vixen considered medical assistance and decided to do as she'd commanded and leave the room.
However, the Vitexrā, Vanessa, he reminded himself, spoke up. "I am able to not release biologically active micro lifeforms when I so desire. May I remain to observe your treatment of the boy?"
As the vixen seemed to consider for a moment, Carter prepared himself for the usual belittlement, but surprisingly, she nodded. "Very well, but please observe from the corner. It would be best if you did not get in my way."
Vanessa nodded. "That is agreeable."
Carter looked back and forth between them, then decided it wasn't worth getting involved. Instead, he led the way out the door, and Erik followed. "Well, if you like, I can show you our mess hall while we wait, though I have to warn you, the food options are somewhat limited... Can you even eat human food?"
Erik grinned, making Carter wonder if the alien had another expression, and nodded. "Yup, for the most part! Don't worry. I can smell if you've got anything troublesome in there, but for the most part, if you can eat it, I can eat it. Don't waste your time on anything sweet, though; I apparently can't taste sweet!"
Carter raised an eyebrow, wondering if he'd heard that right or if it was just the accent. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he responded. "Well, how do you feel about mint flavors?"
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Next chapter, lets see how these folks hit it off!
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Ahoy Mateys! It is time for the 5th #letswriteamystery thread, Nancy Drew and the Curse of the Arctic Star, an adaption of the ND Diaries. If you are not familiar with these collaborative mysteries, I write a basic story and post chapters every Monday, each chapter has a poll at the end and you just comment if you want A, B, or C. You could even write in your own option if you feel like it. You have all week to vote, and then whatever option gets the most is used in the story! For the sake of clarity, I will post this week's chapter, and last weeks chapter in case you missed it. There are usually about 10 chapters total, so buckle up for a couple months of fun. Let's set sail on adventure!
NDARCTICSTAR #Titanic
“Dear Hannah,
Thanks to a client of my father, Becca White, my friends and I are off on a transatlantic journey of a lifetime! She works for Arctic Star Line, owned by an eccentric billionaire named Clive Parker whose passion project is finally coming to fruition, a full scale replica of the Titanic. Her maiden voyage is the most exclusive cruise in the world, and will have all sorts of famous celebrities and important people in attendance as we sail across the Atlantic, from New York City to Southampton and Belfast. Guests can dine on items from the original menu, enjoy a 5-piece band performing the set list of the doomed musicians before them, and sail to the site where so many souls were lost for a tasteful ceremony, hopefully returning unscathed to the Titanic’s port of origin. Becca assures me it has fully modern safety measures in place and there will be no iceberg. But it hasn’t been all smooth sailing, after a series of mishaps that have delayed the launch for several years, Becca is worried something very real is cursing this ship, and has asked my friends and I to go undercover and make sure nothing happens on her maiden voyage. Will she be doomed to the depths, like her namesake? Or sail off into the horizon, unscathed? Off I go, on an adventure through time. Bon voyage!
🚢🚢🚢 🌅🌅🌅 🧊🧊🧊

Hello! I’m planning a trip to Scotland from May 25 - June 2 and am looking for some advice regarding my itinerary.
I’m planning to spend five nights in Edinburgh (arriving in the late afternoon of the 25 and leaving the early morning of the 30).
The first day I want to do a day trip to somewhere, potentially the Pentlands (I’d like somewhere with nice scenery that’s not a city, open to suggestions of better alternatives to the Pentlands).
The second day I was thinking of doing Calton Hill, exploring the Old Town, walking the Royal Mile, and potentially seeing the Parliament Building.
The third day I want to do Arthur’s Seat and Edinburgh Castle, and a Whiskey tasting in the evening (any suggestions on somewhere to do this?)
My last day in Edinburgh I want to do another day trip, but I’m not sure where, potentially Glasgow, but let me know where the best day trips are.
After Edinburgh, I’m planning on going to the Isle of Skye. I’m taking the train from Edinburgh-> Glasgow, then the West Highland Line to Mallaig, then the ferry to the Isle of Skye. I’m staying in Broadford.
I haven’t researched the Isle of Skye too much yet, but I’ve heard good things about the Quiraing Hike, the Fairy Glen, and the Fairy Pools.
Basically, I’m just looking for opinions on whether or not this is a good itinerary and things I should add/skip.
TIA!

Been married to Mary for 2 years now. Her mother is... a bit dramatic. Always has been. I always liked her, but she has a sort of 'real housewives of new jersey' kind of attitude about things. She was a bit distrustful of me because of the age difference and the fact that my wifes previous boyfriend cheated on her, but she eventually came around. Until recently.
​
I went out for drinks with 3 coworkers one night. Two of the people went outside to smoke cigarettes at various points, leaving me alone with one coworker, a woman. Mary's mother apparently drove by and saw me sitting with her. This had to have happened when the other two were smoking. She took a picture of me from her car and sent it to my wife with a whole essay about how I was a cheating asshole and she should leave me and should have never have trusted me.
​
My wife took my side right away. And I had evidence on my phone. A time stamped picture of the four of us posing for a pic like 20 minutes before my MIL sent the pic. My wife has also hung out with this group before and knows that the other two people smoke cigarettes. Nothing about that picture was suspicious to my wife, she knows everybody involved quite well. When she replied and showed the timestamp to her mother, her mother flipped out at her, calling her naive and saying I could have 'edited the time and date'. She didn't even know what a timestamp is. She thought I photoshopped it. She accused me of manipulating her, brainwashing her etc, saying that no normal girl would tolerate this behavior. For some context, the mother is very much the type of person to think men and women shouldn't ever socialize outside of family and marriage. The image of me sitting at a table with just one woman is crazy to her no matter the context. But even then, she doesn't believe the context.
​
Her thinking this is one thing. But she spread this rumor to everybody. My wifes entire family on both sides is now convinced I am a cheater. And my MIL very specifically told them that I used a 'photoshopped image' to deceive my wife and that my wife is being brainwashed by me. My wife has gotten calls from cousins and aunts telling her to leave me. They will not listen to any reason. Its become such a problem that its become basically open hostility between her family and her, with everybody constantly nagging at her to leave me. We had multiple plans with them. We were supposed to go away on a vacation to Miami in august with her family, we were planning BBQs and rooftop parties with them, and now? Nothing.
​
This is especially a problem considering her previous boyfriend also cheated on her and she apparently stayed with him and defended him for years, which makes everybody extra suspicious of this. Everybody is just telling her its the same thing over again with me, that she is making excuses and ignoring reality just like with her previous boyfriend. They will not trust anything she says as a result.
​
What the hell do we do? My wife is just torn to bits over this. It makes me horribly depressed knowing how much I have indirectly hurt her, even if I didn't technically do anything wrong that day. Almost every day she has been arguing with her family about this. Her words just come off hollow after she said effectively the same words about her last boyfriend.
​
TL;DR - - mother in law saw me alone with another woman and thinks I cheated, and now its caused a huge rift between my wife and her family.

Hi! Just wanted to share a few thoughts as a new owner:

• Drinks
  • Espresso: Quite good once dialed in. I use this button 90% of the time. Had to mess around with the grind size (3.5) and volume (45ml) before I got it to a good place. I wasted a lot of coffee beans trying to go through this process but it is very good now.
  • Coffee: Not a fan of it.. tastes weak. I still rely on my aeropress when I want a nice cup of coffee.
  • Over ice: Made my coffee taste very acidic.. I don't use it. Maybe dialing it in would help. I just pull an espresso shot over ice.
  • Milk drinks: Starting to experiment with them... still trying to get the volume ratios right between the espresso/milk. Very easy to get going, but the clean up is a LITTLE more than I would like with disassembling and cleaning the milk tank.
• Other models I considered
  • Dinamica Plus: Espresso tasted the same to me. Extra features and build quality were tempting, but I couldn't justify 2x the price
  • Jura E4: Best espresso of the bunch, but again, not good enough to justify 2x the price.
  • Philips: Never tried it in person, but my research pointed to the fact that it makes a weaker drink due to smaller dose so I crossed this one out.
• Other thoughts:
  • A little more plastic than I would like. I talked to a technician at the shop and he did mention that the Dinamica's were better built internally but I'll take my chances with the 3 year warranty.
  • Seems fairly easy to clean overall. It does do a rinse upon start up and shut down so that helps with the cleaning. However this does use up more water.
  • Water tank at the front is a plus in terms of ease of access as I have cabinets above the machine.
  • Programming can be annoying since it doesn't have a screen. Adjusting the volumes is very manual - I put a scale underneath my cup and use that to program my drinks. It's not an issue once you get it sorted though. This IS a problem if you have multiple drinkers that have different preferences.
  • It's definitely a "no-frills" model but it does the job if you want a solid espresso at a budget price point.

Me (18M) talked to this guy lets call him J (20M) in April for three weeks and we had such an amazing connection that I couldn't help but fall for him. I have never felt this way about anyone in my entire life I mean the connection was just something that was unexplainable. He made me smile in a way no one has ever made me smile I saw a future with him in the tiny frame I had him in my life. When me and J started talking we found out that he texted me two years ago and we didn't even know, So on our first date we made jokes about that and how we could've happened earlier. The first date was something I can only explain as something cinematic everything was perfect he took me to the beach and we talked for six hours on end about our lives, our families, and what we wanted in life. On the two hour drive back we listened to music while I laid on his shoulder and evidently we figured out that we had the same music taste which was one of the many things we had in common. The drive back was as good as the beach because in all honesty the place did not matter as long as I was with him I was happy. So we continued talking and getting to know each other for a week as we planned our second date. The second date was amazing it lasted roughly five to six hours as well and we planned on watching a movie but ended up laying in the back of his cars stargazing and just talking for hours. That night he told me that he couldn't picture me leaving because he was growing attached, when he spoke those words my smile went from ear to ear as I said "the feeling was mutual I was just to scared to admit it". He looked at me for a minute and said the exact words I needed to hear "You don't ever have to hide from me you can tell me anything" and I let my guard down. Everything was great for the next couple days we talked everyday and the messages never seemed to end. Four days later something seemed off he wouldn't respond with the same emotion that he would previously the goodnight messages went from "goodnight sleep well can't wait to talk to you tomorrow" to "goodnight i'm tired" The conversations went from deep explanations about his day to "My day was good wbu?". I tried to not think about it to much he is busy he's moving out and he has finals piling up I'll just leave him be. To avoid thinking about him constantly I would go out with friends and party and rarely be sober. A couple days after he told me saw his ex and he felt regret and anger and so many other emotions which through me through a loop because why do you care about your ex that heavily. I asked him if he was over his ex on the first date and reassured me multiple times that he was but looking back now that was the biggest lie. Later that day he posted something on social media basically confirming my suspicions he was not over his ex far from that he wants them back and so I asked him directly why did he post that video. He finally told me that he isn't over his ex and he doesn't want to lead me on anymore because i'm such a "great guy" who "deserves better". I told him I wish him the best and hopefully we can work out in the future and maybe this time don't have to wait another two years. He agreed and we went our separate ways. Three days later my ex lets call him C (18M) from earlier this year contacts me saying he misses what we had and wants to try again. I think about how good he treated me the last time we dated so I stupidly agree. We've been talking for three weeks now and I texted J a couple days ago because J wanted to know how I was doing, we talked for a little bit and he said he isn't ready for a relationship but his post just make it seem like he wants his ex back. C is giving me everything I want and is obsessed with me tells me he loves me everyday but I can't help to think about J from time to time. Me and C had a talk last night and I told him that I felt no spark between us anyone but maybe that is because I am comfortable with him and I do not need a spark for our relationship. C asked me do I still think about J and I told him sometimes and C's face seemed so hurt and filled with dread and it has me thinking should i even be with C anymore. I care about C so much I truly do but I don't feel for him the same way I felt for J, With J it was something so passionate and the Spark was amazing and with C it is comfortable and safe. Making matters worse as I am typing this I am on the phone with C. I don't know if I'm leading C on. Should I end it or should I continue talking to C even though a tiny part of me is waiting for J. AITA for this whole situation I'm very confused and any input will be greatly appreciated!