Leather backpack uk

Hello,
I've been looking at the Wireless weatherproof charger (https://www.quadlockcase.co.uk/products/weatherproof-wireless-charging-head) and wondered if it could be attached to the strap of a hiking backpack (eg one of the straps that comes over your shoulder and under your arm).
Looking for a way to charge my phone and have it attached to my backpack for navigation on long days out.
Would this be possible?
Thanks!

Hi all, I was hoping someone on here could possibly help me in finding a thin leather for lining dog collars and other item? I'm currently buying it ready cut but have no idea what type it actually is and looking to save money by cutting it myself with my Cricut (tested on scaps).
It is 0.8mm to 1mm thick, smooth feel and doesn't stretch, the back feels as though there is fibres bonded to it for strength. It doesn't fray at all when cut. I did wonder if it is actually leather but it does work very well for the job.
I've bought so many different samples and they are all either too thick (add too much bulk) or stretch (worry about wearing out fast) or they fray a lot after cutting on my machine and it's too thin or I'm too unskilled to use a burnisher on the edges.
I'm in the UK and would only be looking to buy about a square metre or so as a test to begin with.
Thank you in advance for any help or pointers.

I'm getting this warning: Your active refr handle count is currently 802150 which is dangerously close to the limit. Please check the Engine Fixes log for more details.
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"0489","SmoothCam"
"0490","SmoothCam - Modern Camera Preset"
"0491","SmoothCam Vanilla Enhanced 2"
"0492","Combat Pathing Revolution - NG"
"0493","BeastHHBB - Khajiit and Argonian content - player character and NPC replacer"
"0494","Immersive Armors"
"0495","Immersive Armours - SSE CBBE 3BA BodySlide"
"0496","Skyrim Reputation - Sneak Tools Patch"
"0497","Sneak Tools SE Edition"
"0498","Lux"
"0499","Lux - Via"
"0500","Lux Orbis"
"0501","Lux (patch hub)"
"0502","Lux - Via (patch hub)"
"0503","Lux Orbis (patch hub)"
"0504","Unofficial Lux Patchhub"
"0505","Sweets and Such - Baking Expanded SE"
"0506","Bards Reborn Enchanced Solitude Patch"
"0507","Bards Reborn Student of Song Undeath Patch"
"0508","Bards Reborn Student of Song AI Overhaul and USSEP Patch"
"0509","Moon and Star - Undeath Remastered Patch"
"0510","Immersive Sounds - Compendium"
"0511","Audio Overhaul - Immersive Sounds Integration (AOS - ISC Compatibility Patch)"
"0512","Unofficial Moonpath to Elsweyr Patch"
"0513","Bards Reborn USSEP Patch"
"0514","Castle Volkihar Rebuilt - Relationship Dialogue Overhaul Patch"
"0515","Cathedral Weathers and Seasons"
"0516","ENB Helper SE"
"0517","Particle Patch for ENB"
"0518","Obsidian Mountain Fogs"
"0519","Embers XD"
"0520","ENB Light"
"0521","Enhanced Volumetric Lighting and Shadows (EVLaS)"
"0522","Rudy ENB Cathedral Weathers ADDONS and REQUiRED Files"
"0523","Moons And Stars - Sky Overhaul SKSE"
"0524","Splashes Of Storms"
"0525","Rudy fix for Splashes of Storms and ENB"
"0526","Bright Waterfall Fix for ENB"
"0527","Less Distracting Blowing Snow Effects for ENB Particle Patch"
"0528","Show Player In Menus"
"0529","CoMAP"
"0530","Infinity UI"
"0531","Compass Navigation Overhaul"
"0532","Dear Diary Dark Mode (warm text)"
"0533","Dear Diary Dark Mode - Compass Navigation Overhaul Patch"
"0534","Stress and Fear - A Dynamic Sanity System"
"0535","Flat World Map Framework"
"0536","Extended Cut - Saints and Seducers Paper Map for FWMF"
"0537","Apocrypha Paper Map for FWMF"
"0538","Beyond Reach Paper Map for FWMF"
"0539","Midwood Isle Paper Map for FWMF"
"0540","Strange Runes"
"0541","ElSopa - Potions Redone"
"0542","RUSTIC SOULGEMS - Special Edition"
"0543","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Soul Gems"
"0544","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Deathbells and Nirnroots"
"0545","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Torchbugs and Moths"
"0546","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Bthardamz"
"0547","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Chaurus Eggs and Sacs"
"0548","Rudy HQ - More Lights for ENB SE - Glowing Mushrooms"
"0549","Rudy - More dramatic Red Mountain Plume"
"0550","Patch for Rudy HQ Misc. and Expanded Towns and Cities ETaC"
"0551","Obscure's College of Winterhold - Rudy HQ Miscellaneous SE Patch"
"0552","Soul Cairn Paper Map for FWMF"
"0553","Skyrim Paper Map by Caro Tuts for FWMF"
"0554","Paper Coldharbour Map for VIGILANT (FWMF)"
"0555","Duncan's Paper Maps for FWMF"
"0556","Rudy HQ - Standing Stones SE"
"0557","Bright Waterfall Fix for ENB Fix - Purple wind"
"0558","Use Or Take SKSE"
"0559","Oblivion Interaction Icons"
"0560","The Wheels of Lull CBBE 3BA and HIMBO Patch"
"0561","TrueHUD - HUD Additions - Gray Cowl of Nocturnal Boss Ini Tweaks"
"0562","Immersive Armors Patch"
"0563","Prisoner cart fix SMIM"
"0564","Sunder and Wraithguard - Editable Vault Cell (Cell Bug Workaround)"

I love this sub and have such a great time hearing all the stories from the crazies. I however have been seeing so many generic posts about house/pet sitting and I don't really feel that these always meet the criteria for being a choosing beggar. The reality is so many people will actually do these gigs for free depending on where you live and what your set up is.
I am based in London UK and currently have a female couple staying in my house (for free) looking after my two dogs for a few weeks. One of whom is incredibly nervous and difficult with strangers (particularly men). He however copes a lot better at home than being put in boarding or kennels.
I use an app to find people to look after them and am always absolutely inundated with requests that I can actually be really choosy about who I select. It's a real mix of people but typically includes foreign students, backpackers, and people working remotely looking to travel whilst doing so. One couple who did it had been house-sitting for over a year, for them saving probably 10-12k minimum in housing costs, whilst also paying nothing for bills, internet or council tax.
I've never had any issues at all and as far as I can see if you live in an area with high housing costs, it can really be mutually beneficial. I probably wouldn't do it if I had anything irreplaceable or sentimentally valuable in the house but it's easy to put these away. I however use the app as that includes the option to buy insurance but I can understand why other people might go via alternative routes if they didn't have / know an app was available or were looking within their local community.
I'm sure I'll get roasted by some people but in a lot of cases free rent and a change of scenery is absolutely a fair exchange for a house/pet sit.
For anyone in the UK the app is Trusted House Sitters and I've found it very good.
EDIT: Knew this would be controversial and I feel there is possibly a different sentiment from people based in the US which is fair given the cultural differences. Feel free to criticise but I don't think I can fairly be called a beggar in this scenario - I advertise the opportunity and get lots of interest. Not really the definition of the word begging.
EDIT 2: I should also say that I'm not saying that these arrangements CAN'T be choosy beggars. Only that it is circumstance dependent and that a house/pet sit alone is not necessary a CB without any aggravating factors. Obviously if I started demanding rent money, had 12 banned XL Bully breed dogs or asked them to clean/do my laundry then this would totally be a CB. All I'm asking for is a more nuanced assessment of whether someone is either "choosy" or a "beggar".

I've been living in Asia for a while and I wanted to do the Camino before visiting my home country (UK). I will probably have a suitcase, maybe two, and obviously not taking on the Camino Frances with me, just walking with a light backpack
I could fly to the UK first, leave the suitcase at a relatives then go to Spain, but it seems to be cheaper and more efficient to just fly to Spain and start walking as soon as possible (I want to start walking soon). Leaving a lot of my stuff in Asia is also possible, but I might not be back here for 4-5 months. So I have to make a decision about what is easier.
I mean I guess I could use the mochillas transport services but it's an expense, also limits me to a certain albergue (won't be able to walk more than 1-2km with the suitcase). But I never saw a service specific to taking luggage to Santiago.

I have scoured high and low for all manner of suggestions on dynolod's forums, reddit, specific ini settings and load orders of mods and i cant get my grass to show up to save my life.
What information do you guys need to give me a headsup on what i need to fix or look at?
I have xedit'd my mods, fixed wild edits manually, completed all the autoclean edits, double checked my load order an tried all the suggested ini fixes i could find. I just cant get it to show up. I know i have multiple landdscape and grass modds but i also have a good amount of patches involved as well.
Heres my load order atm with all conflicts resolved that were originally prompted to me through LOOT. All 200+(mods, not conflicts) of them. Wall of text.
1st is the left window of MO2
0 0 Skyrim.esm
1 1 Update.esm
2 2 Dawnguard.esm
3 3 HearthFires.esm
4 4 Dragonborn.esm
5 5 ccasvsse001-almsivi.esm
6 6 ccBGSSSE001-Fish.esm
254 FE 0 ccbgssse002-exoticarrows.esl
254 FE 1 ccbgssse003-zombies.esl
254 FE 2 ccbgssse004-ruinsedge.esl
254 FE 3 ccbgssse005-goldbrand.esl
254 FE 4 ccbgssse006-stendarshammer.esl
254 FE 5 ccbgssse007-chrysamere.esl
254 FE 6 ccbgssse014-spellpack01.esl
254 FE 7 ccbgssse019-staffofsheogorath.esl
254 FE 8 ccbgssse020-graycowl.esl
254 FE 9 ccbgssse021-lordsmail.esl
254 FE a ccmtysse001-knightsofthenine.esl
254 FE b ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode.esl
7 7 cctwbsse001-puzzledungeon.esm
8 8 cceejsse001-hstead.esm
254 FE c ccqdrsse002-firewood.esl
254 FE d ccbgssse018-shadowrend.esl
254 FE e ccbgssse035-petnhound.esl
254 FE f ccfsvsse001-backpacks.esl
254 FE 10 cceejsse002-tower.esl
254 FE 11 ccedhsse001-norjewel.esl
254 FE 12 ccvsvsse002-pets.esl
254 FE 13 ccBGSSSE037-Curios.esl
254 FE 14 ccbgssse034-mntuni.esl
254 FE 15 ccbgssse045-hasedoki.esl
254 FE 16 ccbgssse008-wraithguard.esl
254 FE 17 ccbgssse036-petbwolf.esl
254 FE 18 ccffbsse001-imperialdragon.esl
254 FE 19 ccmtysse002-ve.esl
254 FE 1a ccbgssse043-crosselv.esl
254 FE 1b ccvsvsse001-winter.esl
254 FE 1c cceejsse003-hollow.esl
9 9 ccbgssse016-umbra.esm
10 a ccbgssse031-advcyrus.esm
254 FE 1d ccbgssse038-bowofshadows.esl
254 FE 1e ccbgssse040-advobgobs.esl
254 FE 1f ccbgssse050-ba_daedric.esl
254 FE 20 ccbgssse052-ba_iron.esl
254 FE 21 ccbgssse054-ba_orcish.esl
254 FE 22 ccbgssse058-ba_steel.esl
254 FE 23 ccbgssse059-ba_dragonplate.esl
254 FE 24 ccbgssse061-ba_dwarven.esl
254 FE 25 ccpewsse002-armsofchaos.esl
254 FE 26 ccbgssse041-netchleather.esl
254 FE 27 ccedhsse002-splkntset.esl
254 FE 28 ccbgssse063-ba_ebony.esl
254 FE 29 ccbgssse062-ba_dwarvenmail.esl
254 FE 2a ccbgssse060-ba_dragonscale.esl
254 FE 2b ccbgssse056-ba_silver.esl
254 FE 2c ccbgssse055-ba_orcishscaled.esl
254 FE 2d ccbgssse053-ba_leather.esl
254 FE 2e ccbgssse051-ba_daedricmail.esl
254 FE 2f ccbgssse057-ba_stalhrim.esl
254 FE 30 ccbgssse066-staves.esl
11 b ccbgssse067-daedinv.esm
254 FE 31 ccbgssse068-bloodfall.esl
254 FE 32 ccbgssse069-contest.esl
254 FE 33 ccvsvsse003-necroarts.esl
254 FE 34 ccvsvsse004-beafarmer.esl
12 c ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS.esm
254 FE 35 ccffbsse002-crossbowpack.esl
254 FE 36 ccbgssse013-dawnfang.esl
254 FE 37 ccrmssse001-necrohouse.esl
254 FE 38 ccedhsse003-redguard.esl
254 FE 39 cceejsse004-hall.esl
13 d cceejsse005-cave.esm
254 FE 3a cckrtsse001_altar.esl
254 FE 3b cccbhsse001-gaunt.esl
14 e ccafdsse001-dwesanctuary.esm
254 FE 3c _ResourcePack.esl
unofficial skyrim creation club content patch.esl
15 f Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp
16 10 RSkyrimChildren.esm
17 11 MajesticMountains_Landscape.esm
18 12 Lanterns Of Skyrim II.esm
19 13 LegacyoftheDragonborn.esm
20 14 3DNPC.esp
21 15 Water for ENB.esm
22 16 Natural Waterfalls.esp
23 17 Obsidian Mountain Fogs.esm
254 FE 3d MajesticMountains_Moss.esp
254 FE 3e AnimatedShips.esl
254 FE 3f ELAF POI - CRF Compatible.esl
254 FE 40 Lux - Master plugin.esm
254 FE 41 Natural Waterfalls - Dawnguard.esp
254 FE 42 Natural Waterfalls - Dragonborn.esp
24 18 AnimatedCarriage.esm
254 FE 43 3DNPC - MM Moss Patch.esp
254 FE 44 Lux - Resources.esp
25 19 Lux Via.esp
26 1a DynDOLOD.esm
EBT - IC PATCH.esp
Water for ENB - Patch - Folkvangr.esp
27 1b SkyUI_SE.esp
254 FE 45 Particle Patch for ENB.esp
28 1c SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp
29 1d Audio Overhaul Skyrim.esp
30 1e Immersive Sounds - Compendium.esp
254 FE 46 AOS_ISC_Integration.esp
31 1f EnhancedLightsandFX.esp
32 20 Fabled Forests.esp
33 21 Northern Roads.esp
254 FE 47 ELFX Shadows.esp
34 22 Weapons Armor Clothing & Clutter Fixes.esp
35 23 Shadows.esp
36 24 ELFX - Exteriors.esp
254 FE 48 Verdant - A Skyrim Grass Plugin SSE Version.esp
37 25 JKs Skyrim.esp
38 26 Relationship Dialogue Overhaul.esp
39 27 Vinland Grass Patch.esp
40 28 Cutting Room Floor.esp
41 29 AI Overhaul.esp
254 FE 49 Lux Via - plugin.esp
42 2a Civil War Overhaul.esp
43 2b Helgen Reborn.esp
254 FE 4a LoS II - JKs Skyrim patch.esp
44 2c Embers XD.esp
45 2d Immersive Encounters.esp
46 2e Thunderchild - Epic Shout Package.esp
47 2f Hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation.esp
48 30 Hidden Hideouts of Skyrim - Merged.esp
49 31 Skyrim Flora Overhaul.esp
254 FE 4b MajesticMountains.esp
50 32 CFTO.esp
254 FE 4c man_DaedricShrines.esp
254 FE 4d Stave Churches - All.esp
254 FE 4e JKs Skyrim - AI Overhaul Patch.esp
51 33 Cloaks.esp
254 FE 4f DBM_ISC_Patch.esp
52 34 ZIA_Complete Pack.esp
254 FE 50 DBM_HelgenReborn_Patch.esp
53 35 Clockwork.esp
54 36 Cathedral Landscapes.esp
55 37 waterplants.esp
254 FE 51 WSLightFade.esp
254 FE 52 LoS II - ELFX patch.esp
56 38 Watchtowers of Skyrim.esp
254 FE 53 BetterQuestObjectives.esp
254 FE 54 moretodo.esp
254 FE 55 LoS II - CRF patch.esp
Embers XD - Patch - JKs Skyrim & LOS2 & ELFX Exteriors.esp
57 39 Immersive Patrols II.esp
254 FE 56 CFTO-JK-Patch.esp
58 3a RabbitsOfSkyrim.esp
254 FE 57 DBM_ELFXExteriors_Patch.esp
254 FE 58 DBM_JKSkyrim_Patch.esp
254 FE 59 moretosayfalkreath.esp
254 FE 5a Project ja-Kha'jay- Khajiit Diversity.esp
254 FE 5b JKs Skyrim_Clockwork_Patch.esp
254 FE 5c DBM_CRF_Patch.esp
254 FE 5d Environs - Whiterun Watchtower.esp
254 FE 5e 3DNPC Alternative Locations.esp
59 3b ForgottenCity.esp
254 FE 5f JKs Skyrim_Cutting Room Floor_Patch.esp
254 FE 60 RW08WanderingMerchants.esp
254 FE 61 DIbella's Blessing.esp
254 FE 62 3DNPC - AI Overhaul patch.esp
60 3c The Paarthurnax Dilemma.esp
254 FE 63 LoS II - 3DNPC addon.esp
254 FE 64 CFTO_Bittercup_JKs_Skyrim_Patch.esp
254 FE 65 moretosayrorikstead.esp
254 FE 66 Embers XD - Patch - Lux Via.esp
61 3d PAN_NPCs_Males.esp
62 3e PAN_NPCs_Males2.esp
254 FE 67 Sons of Nirn - Whiterun.esp
254 FE 68 AI Overhaul - Cutting Room Floor Patch.esp
254 FE 69 CFTO-Lanterns.esp
254 FE 6a ACLine_Whiterun.esp
254 FE 6b Animated Carriage Additional Route.esp
254 FE 6c Animated Carriage Additional Route 0.esp
254 FE 6d CFTO-CoveredCarriages.esp
254 FE 6e moretosaywhiterun.esp
254 FE 6f LoS II - SMIM patch.esp
254 FE 70 moretosayriverwood.esp
254 FE 71 moretosayshorsstone.esp
254 FE 72 LoS II - USSEP patch.esp
254 FE 73 JKs Skyrim_Thunderchild_Patch.esp
254 FE 74 DBM_ZimsThaneWeapons_Patch.esp
254 FE 75 DBM_CloaksofSkyrim_Patch.esp
254 FE 76 DBM_Clockwork_Patch.esp
63 3f Apocalypse - Magic of Skyrim.esp
64 40 dD - Enhanced Blood Main.esp
254 FE 77 SnowOverSkyrim.esp
254 FE 78 MCMHelper.esp
65 41 RaceMenu.esp
66 42 XPMSE.esp
254 FE 79 CBBE.esp
67 43 RaceMenuPlugin.esp
68 44 RaceMenuMorphsCBBE.esp
69 45 AmazingFollowerTweaks.esp
70 46 Cathedral Weathers.esp
71 47 RDO - AFT v1.66 Patch.esp
72 48 RDO - CRF + USSEP Patch.esp
RDO - USSEP Patch.esp
254 FE 7a Cathedral Weathers - Patch - Rudy ENB.esp
254 FE 7b NightEyeENBFix.esp
73 49 Hothtrooper44_Armor_Ecksstra.esp
74 4a KS Hairdo's.esp
75 4b Cloaks - USSEP Patch.esp
76 4c Cloaks - Dawnguard.esp
77 4d RSChildren.esp
78 4e BarenziahQuestMarkers.esp
79 4f UnreadBooksGlow.esp
254 FE 7c AOS_EBT Patch.esp
254 FE 7d 3DNPC - CRF Patch.esp
254 FE 7e 3DNPC0.esp
254 FE 7f 3DNPC1.esp
80 50 RUSTIC SOULGEMS - Sorted.esp
254 FE 80 Cloaks_WACCF_Patch.esp
81 51 1nivWICCloaks.esp
254 FE 81 Skoglendi - A Grass Mod.esp
82 52 FloraOrientalis.esp
254 FE 82 Water for ENB - Patch - ELFX Shadows.esp
83 53 Cathedral - Water.esp
254 FE 83 NW Water Add On.esp
84 54 Extended Encounters.esp
85 55 Radiance.esp
254 FE 84 Patch- CRF + Wandering Merchants.esp
254 FE 85 JKJ - AI Overhaul Patch.esp
254 FE 86 JKJ - USSEP Patch.esp
254 FE 87 Immersive Death Cycle.esp
254 FE 88 moretosaycityguards.esp
254 FE 89 guardencounters.esp
254 FE 8a moretosaygeneric.esp
254 FE 8b moretosaykarthwasten.esp
254 FE 8c moretosayriften.esp
254 FE 8d moretosaywinterhold.esp
254 FE 8e mtsfollowerbanter.esp
254 FE 8f priestsgrantblessings.esp
254 FE 90 secretofrorikstead.esp
254 FE 91 Shaders of Solstheim.esp
86 56 Fluffworks.esp
254 FE 92 Skyrim Snow Dogs.esp
254 FE 93 Bears of the North.esp
87 57 StormLightning.esp
88 58 ENB Light.esp
254 FE 94 ELFX Shadow - ELFX Exteriors Patch.esp
254 FE 95 Lux Via - Blended Roads Bridges Texture sets.esp
254 FE 96 Embers XD - Patch - Goldenhills Plantation.esp
254 FE 97 Embers XD - Patch - ELFX.esp
254 FE 98 Embers XD - Fire Magick Add-On.esp
254 FE 99 BetterQuestObjectives-CRFPatch.esp
254 FE 9a BetterQuestObjectives-DBForevertoMisc.esp
254 FE 9b BetterQuestObjectives-PaarDilemmaPatch.esp
254 FE 9c BetterQuestObjectives-AFTPatch.esp
254 FE 9d BetterQuestObjectives - LOTD Patch.esp
254 FE 9e DBM_ELFX_Patch.esp
254 FE 9f DBM_ForgottenCity_Patch.esp
254 FE a0 DBM_IA_Patch.esp
254 FE a1 DBM_RSChildren_Patch.esp
254 FE a2 DBM_SMIM_Patch.esp
254 FE a3 DBM_UnreadBooksGlow_Patch.esp
254 FE a4 CC-FearsomeFists_WACCF_Patch.esp
254 FE a5 WACCF_Survival Mode_Patch.esp
254 FE a6 DBM_WACCF_Patch.esp
FNIS.esp
FNISspells.esp
254 FE a7 RS Children - AI Overhaul AE edition Patch.esp
254 FE a8 RSC Forgotten City Patch.esp
254 FE a9 AI Overhaul - Relationship Dialogue Overhaul Patch.esp
254 FE aa RSC 3DNPC Patch.esp
254 FE ab RSC CRF Patch.esp
254 FE ac RSChildren + AI Overhaul Patch.esp
254 FE ad CFTO_fix.esp
254 FE ae CC-Fishing_WACCF_Patch.esp
254 FE af CC-NecromanticGrimoire_WACCF_Patch.esp
254 FE b0 ZimsImmersiveArtifacts_WACCF_Patch.esp
254 FE b1 CuttingRoomFloor_WACCF_Patch.esp
254 FE b2 Hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation_WACCF_Patch.esp
254 FE b3 RSChildren_WACCF_Patch.esp
254 FE b4 Immersive Encounters - RS Children Patch.esp
254 FE b5 CWOLeveled.esp
254 FE b6 DBM_CoSRetexture_Patch.esp
254 FE b7 LoS II - LotD patch.esp
254 FE b8 GDOS - Glorious Solitude Door - Rotation Fix.esp
254 FE b9 GDOS - Splendid Mechanized Dwemer Door.esp
89 59 FasterMiningPlusSE.esp
254 FE ba SMIM Fixes.esp
254 FE bb LoS II - HelgenReborn patch.esp
Embers XD - Patch - ENB Light.esp
90 5a Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim.esp
91 5b Apocalypse - Ordinator Compatibility Patch.esp
254 FE bc Ordinator_WACCF_Patch.esp
92 5c Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp
254 FE bd BetterQuestObjectives-AlternateStartPatch.esp
254 FE be Alternate Start - Live Another Life_WACCF_Patch.esp
93 5d Water for ENB (Shades of Skyrim).esp
254 FE bf Water for ENB - Patch - Rudy ENB.esp
254 FE c0 Natural Waterfalls - Water for ENB Patch (Shades of Skyrim).esp
94 5e Lux.esp
254 FE c1 Lux - 3DNPC patch.esp
254 FE c2 Lux - Legacy of the Dragonborn patch.esp
254 FE c3 Lux - USSEP patch.esp
254 FE c4 Lux - 3DNPC Alternate Start patch.esp
254 FE c5 Lux - AOS Cathedral Weathers Compatibility Patch.esp
254 FE c6 Lux - Bittercup Patch.esp
254 FE c7 Lux - Bloodchill Manor patch.esp
254 FE c8 Lux - CC Fish patch.esp
254 FE c9 Lux - Cuting Room Floor.esp
254 FE ca Lux - Dawnfang CC.esp
254 FE cb Lux - Dead Mans Dread Patch.esp
254 FE cc Lux - Elite Crossbows.esp
254 FE cd Lux - Water for ENB patch.esp
254 FE ce Lux - Embers XD patch.esp
254 FE cf Lux - Farmer patch.esp
254 FE d0 Lux - Forgotten City.esp
254 FE d1 Lux - Forgotten Seasons.esp
254 FE d2 Lux - Ghosts of the Tribunal CC.esp
254 FE d3 Lux - Goblins CC.esp
254 FE d4 Lux - Goldbrand CC.esp
254 FE d5 Lux - Hendraheim patch.esp
254 FE d6 Lux - Hidden Hideouts of Skyrim patch.esp
254 FE d7 Lux - JK's Skyrim.esp
254 FE d8 Lux - Live Another Life patch.esp
254 FE d9 Lux - Nchuanthumz Dwarven Home patch.esp
254 FE da Lux - Necrohouse patch.esp
254 FE db Lux - Pets of Skyrim CC.esp
254 FE dc Lux - Saints and Seducers patch.esp
254 FE dd Lux - Shadowfoot Sanctum patch.esp
254 FE de Lux - Staff of Hasedoki CC.esp
254 FE df Lux - The Cause patch.esp
254 FE e0 Lux - Tundra Homestead patch.esp
254 FE e1 Lux - Umbra CC.esp
254 FE e2 Lux - Vigil Enforcer CC.esp
254 FE e3 Lux - Watchtowers of Skyrim patch.esp
254 FE e4 Lux - Water for ENB (Shades of skyrim) patch.esp
254 FE e5 Lux - Clockwork.esp
Lux - Brighter interior nights.esp
Lux - HelgenReborn.esp
Lux - Brighter Templates.esp
95 5f DynDOLOD.esp
254 FE e6 Occlusion.esp
Which INI do you guys need that i can provide? I have a bunch of them. prefs, config, skyrim, texgen, dyynolod, enb, enblocal, enbseires...so many of them.
Now its the right window of MO2
1nivWICCloaks.esp
3DNPC - AI Overhaul patch.esp
3DNPC - CRF Patch.esp
3DNPC - MM Moss Patch.esp
3DNPC Alternative Locations.esp
3DNPC.esp
3DNPC0.esp
3DNPC1.esp
_ResourcePack.esl
ACLine_Whiterun.esp
AI Overhaul - Cutting Room Floor Patch.esp
AI Overhaul - Relationship Dialogue Overhaul Patch.esp
AI Overhaul.esp
Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp
Alternate Start - Live Another Life_WACCF_Patch.esp
AmazingFollowerTweaks.esp
Animated Carriage Additional Route 0.esp
Animated Carriage Additional Route.esp
AnimatedCarriage.esm
AnimatedShips.esl
AOS_EBT Patch.esp
AOS_ISC_Integration.esp
Apocalypse - Magic of Skyrim.esp
Apocalypse - Ordinator Compatibility Patch.esp
Audio Overhaul Skyrim.esp
BarenziahQuestMarkers.esp
Bears of the North.esp
BetterQuestObjectives - LOTD Patch.esp
BetterQuestObjectives-AFTPatch.esp
BetterQuestObjectives-AlternateStartPatch.esp
BetterQuestObjectives-CRFPatch.esp
BetterQuestObjectives-DBForevertoMisc.esp
BetterQuestObjectives-PaarDilemmaPatch.esp
BetterQuestObjectives.esp
Cathedral - Water.esp
Cathedral Landscapes.esp
Cathedral Weathers - Patch - Rudy ENB.esp
Cathedral Weathers.esp
CBBE.esp
CC-FearsomeFists_WACCF_Patch.esp
CC-Fishing_WACCF_Patch.esp
CC-NecromanticGrimoire_WACCF_Patch.esp
ccafdsse001-dwesanctuary.esm
ccasvsse001-almsivi.esm
ccBGSSSE001-Fish.esm
ccbgssse002-exoticarrows.esl
ccbgssse003-zombies.esl
ccbgssse004-ruinsedge.esl
ccbgssse005-goldbrand.esl
ccbgssse006-stendarshammer.esl
ccbgssse007-chrysamere.esl
ccbgssse008-wraithguard.esl
ccbgssse013-dawnfang.esl
ccbgssse014-spellpack01.esl
ccbgssse016-umbra.esm
ccbgssse018-shadowrend.esl
ccbgssse019-staffofsheogorath.esl
ccbgssse020-graycowl.esl
ccbgssse021-lordsmail.esl
ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS.esm
ccbgssse031-advcyrus.esm
ccbgssse034-mntuni.esl
ccbgssse035-petnhound.esl
ccbgssse036-petbwolf.esl
ccBGSSSE037-Curios.esl
ccbgssse038-bowofshadows.esl
ccbgssse040-advobgobs.esl
ccbgssse041-netchleather.esl
ccbgssse043-crosselv.esl
ccbgssse045-hasedoki.esl
ccbgssse050-ba_daedric.esl
ccbgssse051-ba_daedricmail.esl
ccbgssse052-ba_iron.esl
ccbgssse053-ba_leather.esl
ccbgssse054-ba_orcish.esl
ccbgssse055-ba_orcishscaled.esl
ccbgssse056-ba_silver.esl
ccbgssse057-ba_stalhrim.esl
ccbgssse058-ba_steel.esl
ccbgssse059-ba_dragonplate.esl
ccbgssse060-ba_dragonscale.esl
ccbgssse061-ba_dwarven.esl
ccbgssse062-ba_dwarvenmail.esl
ccbgssse063-ba_ebony.esl
ccbgssse066-staves.esl
ccbgssse067-daedinv.esm
ccbgssse068-bloodfall.esl
ccbgssse069-contest.esl
cccbhsse001-gaunt.esl
ccedhsse001-norjewel.esl
ccedhsse002-splkntset.esl
ccedhsse003-redguard.esl
cceejsse001-hstead.esm
cceejsse002-tower.esl
cceejsse003-hollow.esl
cceejsse004-hall.esl
cceejsse005-cave.esm
ccffbsse001-imperialdragon.esl
ccffbsse002-crossbowpack.esl
ccfsvsse001-backpacks.esl
cckrtsse001_altar.esl
ccmtysse001-knightsofthenine.esl
ccmtysse002-ve.esl
ccpewsse002-armsofchaos.esl
ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode.esl
ccqdrsse002-firewood.esl
ccrmssse001-necrohouse.esl
cctwbsse001-puzzledungeon.esm
ccvsvsse001-winter.esl
ccvsvsse002-pets.esl
ccvsvsse003-necroarts.esl
ccvsvsse004-beafarmer.esl
CFTO-CoveredCarriages.esp
CFTO-JK-Patch.esp
CFTO-Lanterns.esp
CFTO.esp
CFTO_Bittercup_JKs_Skyrim_Patch.esp
CFTO_fix.esp
Civil War Overhaul.esp
Cloaks - Dawnguard.esp
Cloaks - USSEP Patch.esp
Cloaks.esp
Cloaks_WACCF_Patch.esp
Clockwork.esp
Cutting Room Floor.esp
CuttingRoomFloor_WACCF_Patch.esp
CWOLeveled.esp
Dawnguard.esm
DBM_CloaksofSkyrim_Patch.esp
DBM_Clockwork_Patch.esp
DBM_CoSRetexture_Patch.esp
DBM_CRF_Patch.esp
DBM_ELFX_Patch.esp
DBM_ELFXExteriors_Patch.esp
DBM_ForgottenCity_Patch.esp
DBM_HelgenReborn_Patch.esp
DBM_IA_Patch.esp
DBM_ISC_Patch.esp
DBM_JKSkyrim_Patch.esp
DBM_RSChildren_Patch.esp
DBM_SMIM_Patch.esp
DBM_UnreadBooksGlow_Patch.esp
DBM_WACCF_Patch.esp
DBM_ZimsThaneWeapons_Patch.esp
dD - Enhanced Blood Main.esp
DIbella's Blessing.esp
Dragonborn.esm
DynDOLOD.esm
DynDOLOD.esp
EBT - IC PATCH.esp **NOT ENABLED**
ELAF POI - CRF Compatible.esl
ELFX - Exteriors.esp
ELFX Shadow - ELFX Exteriors Patch.esp
ELFX Shadows.esp
Embers XD - Fire Magick Add-On.esp
Embers XD - Patch - ELFX.esp
Embers XD - Patch - ENB Light.esp **NOT ENABLED**
Embers XD - Patch - Goldenhills Plantation.esp
Embers XD - Patch - JKs Skyrim & LOS2 & ELFX Exteriors.esp
Embers XD - Patch - Lux Via.esp
Embers XD.esp
ENB Light.esp
EnhancedLightsandFX.esp
Environs - Whiterun Watchtower.esp
Extended Encounters.esp
Fabled Forests.esp
FasterMiningPlusSE.esp
FloraOrientalis.esp
Fluffworks.esp
FNIS.esp **NOT ENABLED
FNISspells.esp **NOT ENABLE**
ForgottenCity.esp
GDOS - Glorious Solitude Door - Rotation Fix.esp
GDOS - Splendid Mechanized Dwemer Door.esp
guardencounters.esp
HearthFires.esm
Helgen Reborn.esp
Hidden Hideouts of Skyrim - Merged.esp
Hothtrooper44_Armor_Ecksstra.esp
Hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation.esp
Hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation_WACCF_Patch.esp
Immersive Death Cycle.esp
Immersive Encounters - RS Children Patch.esp
Immersive Encounters.esp
Immersive Patrols II.esp
Immersive Sounds - Compendium.esp
JKJ - AI Overhaul Patch.esp
JKJ - USSEP Patch.esp
JKs Skyrim - AI Overhaul Patch.esp
JKs Skyrim.esp
JKs Skyrim_Clockwork_Patch.esp
JKs Skyrim_Cutting Room Floor_Patch.esp
JKs Skyrim_Thunderchild_Patch.esp
KS Hairdo's.esp
Lanterns Of Skyrim II.esm
LegacyoftheDragonborn.esm
LoS II - 3DNPC addon.esp
LoS II - CRF patch.esp
LoS II - ELFX patch.esp
LoS II - HelgenReborn patch.esp
LoS II - JKs Skyrim patch.esp
LoS II - LotD patch.esp
LoS II - SMIM patch.esp
LoS II - USSEP patch.esp
Lux - 3DNPC Alternate Start patch.esp
Lux - 3DNPC patch.esp
Lux - AOS Cathedral Weathers Compatibility Patch.esp
Lux - Bittercup Patch.esp
Lux - Bloodchill Manor patch.esp
Lux - Brighter interior nights.esp **NOT ENABLED*
Lux - Brighter Templates.esp **NOT ENABLE**
Lux - CC Fish patch.esp
Lux - Clockwork.esp
Lux - Cuting Room Floor.esp
Lux - Dawnfang CC.esp
Lux - Dead Mans Dread Patch.esp
Lux - Elite Crossbows.esp
Lux - Embers XD patch.esp
Lux - Farmer patch.esp
Lux - Forgotten City.esp
Lux - Forgotten Seasons.esp
Lux - Ghosts of the Tribunal CC.esp
Lux - Goblins CC.esp
Lux - Goldbrand CC.esp
Lux - HelgenReborn.esp **NOT ENABLED**
Lux - Hendraheim patch.esp
Lux - Hidden Hideouts of Skyrim patch.esp
Lux - JK's Skyrim.esp
Lux - Legacy of the Dragonborn patch.esp
Lux - Live Another Life patch.esp
Lux - Master plugin.esm
Lux - Nchuanthumz Dwarven Home patch.esp
Lux - Necrohouse patch.esp
Lux - Pets of Skyrim CC.esp
Lux - Resources.esp
Lux - Saints and Seducers patch.esp
Lux - Shadowfoot Sanctum patch.esp
Lux - Staff of Hasedoki CC.esp
Lux - The Cause patch.esp
Lux - Tundra Homestead patch.esp
Lux - Umbra CC.esp
Lux - USSEP patch.esp
Lux - Vigil Enforcer CC.esp
Lux - Watchtowers of Skyrim patch.esp
Lux - Water for ENB (Shades of skyrim) patch.esp
Lux - Water for ENB patch.esp
Lux Via - Blended Roads Bridges Texture sets.esp
Lux Via - plugin.esp
Lux Via.esp
Lux.esp
MajesticMountains.esp
MajesticMountains_Landscape.esm
MajesticMountains_Moss.esp
man_DaedricShrines.esp
MCMHelper.esp
moretodo.esp
moretosaycityguards.esp
moretosayfalkreath.esp
moretosaygeneric.esp
moretosaykarthwasten.esp
moretosayriften.esp
moretosayriverwood.esp
moretosayrorikstead.esp
moretosayshorsstone.esp
moretosaywhiterun.esp
moretosaywinterhold.esp
mtsfollowerbanter.esp
Natural Waterfalls - Dawnguard.esp
Natural Waterfalls - Dragonborn.esp
Natural Waterfalls - Water for ENB Patch (Shades of Skyrim).esp
Natural Waterfalls.esp
NightEyeENBFix.esp
Northern Roads.esp
NW Water Add On.esp
Obsidian Mountain Fogs.esm
Occlusion.esp
Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim.esp
Ordinator_WACCF_Patch.esp
PAN_NPCs_Males.esp
PAN_NPCs_Males2.esp
Particle Patch for ENB.esp
Patch- CRF + Wandering Merchants.esp
priestsgrantblessings.esp
Project ja-Kha'jay- Khajiit Diversity.esp
RabbitsOfSkyrim.esp
RaceMenu.esp
RaceMenuMorphsCBBE.esp
RaceMenuPlugin.esp
Radiance.esp
RDO - AFT v1.66 Patch.esp
RDO - CRF + USSEP Patch.esp
RDO - USSEP Patch.esp **NOT ENABLED**
Relationship Dialogue Overhaul.esp
RS Children - AI Overhaul AE edition Patch.esp
RSC 3DNPC Patch.esp
RSC CRF Patch.esp
RSC Forgotten City Patch.esp
RSChildren + AI Overhaul Patch.esp
RSChildren.esp
RSChildren_WACCF_Patch.esp
RSkyrimChildren.esm
RUSTIC SOULGEMS - Sorted.esp
RW08WanderingMerchants.esp
secretofrorikstead.esp
Shaders of Solstheim.esp
Shadows.esp
Skoglendi - A Grass Mod.esp
Skyrim Flora Overhaul.esp
Skyrim Snow Dogs.esp
Skyrim.esm
SkyUI_SE.esp
SMIM Fixes.esp
SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp
SnowOverSkyrim.esp
Sons of Nirn - Whiterun.esp
Stave Churches - All.esp
StormLightning.esp
The Paarthurnax Dilemma.esp
Thunderchild - Epic Shout Package.esp
unofficial skyrim creation club content patch.esl **NOT ENABLED**
Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp
UnreadBooksGlow.esp
Update.esm
Verdant - A Skyrim Grass Plugin SSE Version.esp
Vinland Grass Patch.esp
WACCF_Survival Mode_Patch.esp
Watchtowers of Skyrim.esp
Water for ENB (Shades of Skyrim).esp
Water for ENB - Patch - ELFX Shadows.esp
Water for ENB - Patch - Folkvangr.esp **NOT ENABLED**
Water for ENB - Patch - Rudy ENB.esp
Water for ENB.esm
waterplants.esp
Weapons Armor Clothing & Clutter Fixes.esp
WSLightFade.esp
XPMSE.esp
ZIA_Complete Pack.esp
ZimsImmersiveArtifacts_WACCF_Patch.esp

How many carriers do you own? I thought it was ridiculous that people on BST groups had "stashes", and now I own six!! I feel like they all have distinct purposes that I like them for. Plus I absolutely love carrying him and am soaking it up while it lasts.
Ergobaby Embrace: Absolutely loved this during the newborn stage. Cozy, cuddly, easy to put on. I wore it a bit too long after he outgrew it.
Integra Solar: Love this one. Ultra lightweight, perfect for warmer weather. The hood snaps into the shoulder straps, making it really secure and sun-protective. The side buckles are a little big, but otherwise love this one. The waistband is just thick webbing.
Ergobaby Omni: I wear this one hiking, I can wear it for hours and not get sore or uncomfortable. It's kind of bulky, but the support can't be beat. Love the lumbar support pad. Have recently started wearing it as a backpack too!
Sakura Bloom ring sling: Honestly haven't really got the hang of this yet. Started using it when my baby was older (5m), and I can see why people love it for little babies. I like having him in a hip carry, but I need more practice.
Sakura Bloom Scout (linen): My go-to for around the house, nice outings, or when we just want to be cozy and cuddly. Love how it it looks, and it's so comfy. I didn't get the leather or silk because I prefer low-maintenance. The hood design is lacking though, and I wish they offered silver hardware.
Sakura Bloom Onbuhimo: Quickly becoming a new favourite – back carry feels great and allows me to move a little more freely. First time getting him in and out were tricky, but I'm definitely getting faster. Haven't tried it in public yet (where I don't have a mirror or a bed just in case) but so far I love it.

The garage door shut with a groan behind us, closing us in the gloom of the single bulb hanging over the car.
Mother took a drag off her cigarette and sighed as she exhaled, the smoke filled the cabin of the Ford and stung my eyes.
“You really disappointed me today, Julianne," she tapped her cigarette in the ashtray below the dash, "you embarrassed me in front of the other mothers at the Ice Cream Social, shoveling down seconds and thirds like a pig. I thought I raised you better than that.”
She took another drag, daintily holding the cigarette between her perfectly manicured fingers.
“I'm going to have to tell your brother about this," she continued, “he'll have to come up with a punishment fit for a pig."
I felt my stomach drop. My kid brother, Thomas, was only six, but could be exceptionally cruel. Mother seemed to encourage him and was deferring to him more and more frequently for how the house was run, especially concerning my upbringing.
"Mother, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry I was a pig and ate so much ice cream. I promise I won't do it again, I'll never eat any ice cream again," I was pleading with stone, unyielding.
“Hush your mouth. Go to your room and wait for Thomas," she put out the cigarette and got out of the car, I had no choice but to follow.
It felt like walking to the gallows as I stepped inside the house and headed towards the stairs to go to my room. Thomas had grown fond recently of physical punishment, he obviously delighted in Mother whipping me with a belt or, recently, Mother had allowed him to start beating me with a wooden spoon. He would squeal and giggle like a normal child watching bubbles in the wind while I screamed. I was dreading whatever was going to happen tonight, I chastised myself for eating that ice cream, I should have known she would show up. My sins were always laid bare.
Down the hall, I could hear Thomas watching television in the den. I only got to watch TV for half an hour on Saturday morning and new episodes of Happy Days with Mother and Thomas. Thomas got to watch all the TV he wanted. He could listen to the radio and turntable as much as he wanted, as loud as he wanted. Thomas had an entire room just for his toys.
I entered my bedroom, it was a space I occupied, but it didn't feel like mine. Mother kept it spartan, white walls and white bedspread. A crucifix over the bed and a painting of Jesus over the door. I had my desk and chair and a dresser with some of the porcelain dolls Daddy gave me before he died that Mother let me keep. That was it.
I placed my book bag down and sat on my bed, waiting for Thomas. It was a while, sitting there with nothing but my own thoughts and staring at the open door. I felt humiliated, I was almost thirteen and my entire life was dictated by my brother. Mother kept the house in constant lockdown to keep Thomas a secret. No outsiders were allowed in. I couldn't have friends because she was afraid I would mention him or sneak a friend in to gawk at my brother and tease him for being different.
I would never make fun of him, I was terrified of him. Terrified of what he was and what he was becoming.
Eventually I heard his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and I felt my heart start beating faster and my palms began to sweat. I kneaded my skirt in my hands, trying to calm myself and dry my palms. His slow arrhythmic footsteps came down the hall and I watched him as he entered the room.
I couldn't help but internally recoil at his appearance, even though I'd known him since he was born, I could never adjust to how unnatural he appeared. Thomas had been born at home and had never seen a doctor, but he was obviously unwell.
He was six years old and was barely over two feet tall, but very squat and wide. His skin was thick and gray, the whites of his beady eyes were yellow and his hair was wispy and white like an old man's, spreading out like a halo around his gargoyle face. A slight odor of decomposition hung about him, it reminded me faintly of garbage cans on a hot summer day. I hated when Mother made me help him with a bath, his skin felt like old brittle leather that flaked onto my clothes in gray flecks. His body was dense like concrete, I could barely lift him into the tub. Picking him up forced his hair into my face where that smell of rot would fill my nose, causing me to gag, silently, so as not to offend him and draw any ire from him or Mother.
Today, Thomas was wearing bib overalls with a red and green striped sweater underneath, reminding me of a grotesque doll.
“Mama says you acted like a piggy today at the ice cream social,” he spoke up to me in his unsettlingly high pitched, yet raspy voice, like a child that smoked as much as Mother, "you need to come down for dinner right now for your punishment for embarrassing Mama."
He turned and walked back down the stairs and I had no choice but to follow his toddling form downstairs to the dining table. We entered the kitchen and the table was placed with two settings. Mother was already seated and Thomas clambered up into his booster seat at his normal spot next to Mother. She took a drag off her cigarette and motioned vaguely to the floor without even looking at me.
Neatly situated on the linoleum was my dinner, not on a plate, but directly on the floor. A pork chop, scoop of mashed potatoes, and a small pile of peas. No utensils, either.
Thomas giggled with glee upon seeing my face.
“You have Mama's permission now to eat like a piggy, now. No hands! Piggies just use their face!” He stood up in his chair and reached out for Mother’s ash tray and flung it out over my meal, peppering my dinner with cigarette ash and butts.
"Oops! Piggies don't mind trash though, do they, Mama?” he giggled and the sound filled me with rage.
"No, they don't,” Mother replied coolly while maneuvering her ashtray back in place and carefully putting out her cigarette before saying prayer.
As angry as I was, I got down on my hands and knees and did my best at eating what I could without using my hands. I knew if I refused, it would be far worse. The whole meal, Thomas made pig noises and would reach down and poke me with his fork, making comments about what a fat piggy I was and how he wished he could roast and eat me. I doubted Mother would even object if he actually did kill me and eat me.
Gagging my way through another bite of ashy pork chop, I felt a warm splat over my head and heard Thomas giggling. I reached up and felt he had dumped mashed potatoes into my hair.
Choking down tears, I asked Mother if I could clean the floor and bathe. She rolled her eyes and excused me to clear the table for them as well while she changed Thomas into his pajamas. Picking him up, she walked out of the room and Thomas stuck his putrid little purple tongue out at me before they made it out the kitchen door.
I silently cried while I cleared the table and washed the dinner dishes. Tears splashed down as I mopped up the mess from my food on the floor. I hated how awful Thomas was. I hated how they treated me. Ever since Daddy died and Thomas showed up, I was their punching bag. I missed Daddy so much.
Mother was kinder then, too. She was still severe, but Dad kept her tempered. After he died, there was a change that came over her. I was only six, so I didn't remember her too much from before, but I did remember her gushing on and on when she was pregnant with Thomas. How the baby was a gift from Our Heavenly Father, that it was going to complete our broken family.
My sixth birthday happened right after Daddy died and I remember sitting on the patio crying while the house was full of people after the funeral, normally he would have gotten me a new doll and a chocolate bar, instead I was forgotten. No doll. No chocolate. Just funeral potatoes and a house full of cigarette smoke from the adults.
Nobody remembered. The closest thing I got was my dad's sister, Aunt Judy, sitting next to me on the patio step for a few minutes of comfortable silence before giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I don't think she knew her brother was memorialized on my birthday. Next year, Thomas was born the day before my birthday, so it was completely eclipsed as Mother had just birthed her new love into the world…
I stopped mid mop as a lightbulb finally went off. I had never put much thought into the dates before.
Thomas was born a full year after Daddy died. He couldn't be his dad. Who was Thomas’ actual father?
Washing mashed potatoes out of my hair that evening, I ran over and over the timeline. No matter how I parsed it out, Thomas was only my half brother. Going to bed that night, I kept myself awake, going over and over again to make sure. I couldn't remember any men being around at that time, but that didn't mean much. Adults can easily hide things from children. Tension began throbbing through my head and I felt queasy. Mother had always known all of my secrets, able to sniff them out like a bloodhound out or using Thomas to spy. Now I had one of Mother's secrets and I didn't know what to do with it.
First I wanted to confirm it, but it would mean snooping, which was difficult in a house that was rarely left empty. I would have to try finding Mother's calendar book or journal to see if she mentioned any dates or men.
But when could I attempt such a daring maneuver? Thomas hardly left the house. As proud as Mother was of him, she was very cognizant and protective of his differences and didn't want to draw attention to herself or Thomas like that. Mother herself had few social engagements throughout the week and mostly stayed home to watch her golden child.
I finally decided I would take the risk and fake sick on Tuesday, grocery day, so I could stay home from school while she went shopping. All Thomas did all day was watch TV downstairs, so that should give me about an hour to look through her room for clues. I decided to tuck my head down, try to behave as best as I could to avoid their wrath, and wait for Tuesday.
That weekend limped along agonizingly slow. Thomas was in a fine mood and was constantly seeking out a reason to poke me, punch me, slap me… he'd laugh while calling me a piggy with his off-putting wide mouth. I tried to mostly stay in my room and it seemed like neither of them cared.
School on Monday was a relief, but my anxiety ramped up. The consequences would be dire if Mother caught on that I was faking sick to stay home. I didn't even want to imagine how off the leash she'd let my half-brother become in his punishment for that level of insubordination.
I stayed up all night, my stomach was in knots, but I was committed to my plan. Throughout the night, I screamed as hard as I could into my pillow. Screamed until my throat was raw and I could barely talk. It felt cathartic in a way. When it was close to school time, I put on my heaviest flannel pajamas and began doing jumping jacks until my face was flushed and my scalp was soaked with sweat.
Looking in the bathroom mirror before heading down to talk to Mother, I thought I looked pretty convincing, my skin was flushed and sweaty, my eyes had circles under them from lack of sleep, and my voice croaked like a frog.
Heading downstairs, Mother was already feeding Thomas breakfast. I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen and stood there awkwardly for a second, pawing with my pajamas to keep my nerves steady until she noticed my presence and looked up.
“Why aren't you dressed, Julianne?"
"I don't feel well. My throat hurts and my tummy hurts.” My voice graveled out more than I was expecting, I really had hurt my throat.
She strode over to me and placed a cool hand on my sweaty brow.
"You do feel warm. Take an aspirin from the medicine cabinet and go lay back down. I'll check on you later," with that she turned back and walked over to Thomas, who was frozen in place, glaring at me over a forkful of scrambled eggs. The sharp glint of malice in his beady eyes made me shiver before I shuffled out of the kitchen.
I laid in bed, trying my best to look miserable until I eventually heard the faint sound of the television playing in the den as Thomas settled in for his normal daytime routine and the garage door opened as Mother headed to the grocery store. I bounded out of bed and watched the car back out of our driveway and head up the street.
My heart began to pound as I tiptoed down the hall to Mother's bedroom, a place I rarely even caught a glimpse of, let alone entered. I very slowly opened the door, taking great care to not make any noise to alert Thomas downstairs that I was out of bed.
Creeping into the butter yellow room, I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my skull, this was the naughtiest thing I had ever done by far. I stepped onto the rug to help disguise my footsteps and slowly made my way past the brass bed and towards her desk. My hands shook as I opened the top drawer, I pawed through rapidly and found nothing. I checked the next drawer down and again found nothing of interest, just stationary and envelopes.
Finally, the bottom drawer was what I was looking for, a stack of journals from the past decade. I flipped through, trying to find entries relevant to when Daddy died and who Mother slept with afterwards.
I've never fully recovered from what I read.
July 6, 1968
Edgar died today. Car accident. I cannot believe this is real. My light, my life, my anchor... Dr. Benson gave me a sedative at the hospital and I feel so tired. So very, very tired. Why has my Lord forsaken me so?
July 9, 1968
I feel like I am in a very bad dream, I feel numb and disconnected. All the consolation and pity from everyone makes me feel sick. After the memorial, it took everything in me to not break dishes and to scream at everyone to get out of my house. Julianne was moping about crying and I wanted to throw her out, too.
If I hadn't seen my dear Edgar's body in the hospital and held his urn in my own hands, I wouldn't believe he was really gone. I still don't entirely believe it.
I have prayed to God every night asking him to show me why he took my husband from me and I have gotten no answer.
I skimmed over the next few months, as it was more or less similar sentiments repeated night after night. I finally got to an entry that caught my eye.
September 17, 1968
My battle with my faith has been fraught the past few months, but Hallelujah! I feel I can see the Lord again in all his glory and might, for he has given me a way to reconnect to my Edgar!
I was thinking about the night Julianne was born, right in this very home, it was a difficult birth and she struggled to breathe at first. Ingrid, my midwife, made a comment to me that if the baby had failed to wake up on her own, that Ingrid had ways to make sure she would have made it.
I remember asking if it was a medical methodology and she made it clear to me that in certain circumstances, it was a mystical property she used to bring the air of life into a struggling baby's lungs. She gently alluded to being a practicing member of the dark arts. At the time, I felt quite scandalized to have someone like that in my God fearing home. Now I see her as the answer to my prayers! My angel!
On a whim, I called her and asked if she still practiced such techniques. She hesitantly confirmed that she did. I asked, if she could turn breath into the lungs of a child without, could she turn breath into a child that did not exist? Could she magick into existence another child of my beloved Edgar? She told me she had to do some research and she'd be back in touch.
Ingrid just called back after a few hours and said there was a spell she found, but it was dangerous and might have unpleasant results. I said, yes, of course! I trust my Lord and I believe he sent this woman of blessed magick to me for this purpose.
She says we will have to do it soon, in a few days during the new moon. She has a potion to brew, but it is happening! Praise God!
September 23, 1968
The ceremony was last night, and Ingrid believes it was a success, but we will have to wait. It did not take long, only an hour or two. Ingrid lit my bedroom with many beeswax candles and she had me drink a thick and bitter tea that caused me to become quite relaxed and foggy.
From my inner thigh, she cut me and collected my blood in a chalice, with which she mixed quite a lot of Edgar's ashes and other ingredients which I could not glean from my supine position and groggy wits. Ingrid began to chant, calling upon a higher power, as I pleaded with my Lord to let this work. To give me any piece of my Edgar back. She came to the bed and worked the paste between my legs into my womanly chamber, which was very uncomfortable, but manageable with the numbing effects of the tea.
She continued to sit with me and chant, her hand placed over my womb, until she decided at which time it was complete. She left and I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt quite uncomfortable, my body ached and when I used the restroom, a yellow fluid like pus poured out of me, but no sign of any ashes or blood, which gives me hope it was absorbed into my womb.
November 3, 1968
Praise be to our Lord, Ingrid just confirmed for me that I am with child, I had been hoping so, I had not gotten my cycle in October, but I wasn't sure if that was because of the discharge like pus that was still coming. She told me that was common with this spell and a side effect that would stop after the baby came.
I feel like I am floating on air, for the first time since Edgar left, I feel-
I suddenly became very aware of the feeling of eyes on the back of my head. I had become too engrossed in what was written before me and I had lost track of my surroundings. Very slowly, I turned around and my heart began pounding again as I saw Thomas standing in the doorway holding his wooden spoon in one hand. How had I not heard him?
He pointed at me with his empty hand and screamed, just a pure guttural screech from somewhere deep inside his disgusting little body. He charged at me from across the room, his horrible feet thumping solidly along the rug. He began beating my legs ruthlessly with the spoon, causing my legs to buckle. I crashed down to my knees in front of him, and he began lashing at my face, pulling my hair with one hand while wailing away at my head with the spoon.
I had dropped the journal I was holding and was desperately trying to get a hand on the spoon or push him away. All I could hear was him screaming. My arms flailed and I reached around on Mother's desk and grabbed onto the first thing I found and sank it into Thomas’ neck.
The end of Mother's gold letter opener protruded under his jaw. He went silent and he looked at me with utter shock. He dropped the spoon and collapsed on the ground, clutching at his neck as his thick black blood oozed out from his wound, letting out a stupendous odor of rot that filled the room. He didn't really say anything or make any noise. He just twitched for a moment and I saw his eyes glaze over.
In shock, I stood over his little body for a moment and I watched as he seemed to mummify in just a few minutes, like an ash person from Pompeii dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Even his blood that looked like shiny oil a second ago became like potting soil on Mother's rug. Reaching out to touch his hand, it crumbled away like sand.
Panic ran through me like a rabbit caught in a snare. Not knowing what to do, I ran. I ran down the hall, changed my clothes, put an extra change of clothes in my backpack and the last doll Daddy had ever given me and I ran. Mother would absolutely never forgive me and I was genuinely afraid she would kill me in retaliation for taking her beloved Thomas away from her. Her precious gift from God. My feet flew over the pavement and took me away from that house.
I called my Aunt Judy from a payphone outside the five & dime, and told her Mother had kicked me out and asked if I could stay with her. She had always had a strained relationship with my mother and it didn't take much convincing that she had kicked out her “only” child. Only Mother, Ingrid, and I ever knew about Thomas.
She gave me a home and took care of me. She never beat me or humiliated me. Even with her love, I was far from okay. For years I would close my eyes and hear Thomas scream, then the sudden silence. I'd see him fumbling at his neck and turning to ash. But I would also remember all the ways he would hurt me and how bad he was becoming. I could never talk to anyone about it, especially not the silent relief I felt I refused to admit to myself. Over time, however, Thomas' screams became a whisper and his silence faded into dust in my mind.
I moved on with my life. I went to college and became a photojournalist, getting to travel the world and watch history unfold. By choice, I never married, but was quite blessed with many beautiful friendships for companionship over the decades. I found balance in my life and a sense of happiness, if not peace. I never could quite stomach mashed potatoes again, though, they always taste ashy to me.
Mother never made any attempts to reach out to me or find me, at least that I'm aware of. Ten years ago, I was contacted by a hospital and they said my mother had been admitted earlier after falling and was about to pass, so she must have kept some tabs on me to know my phone number for her emergency contacts. Apparently she had collapsed in the driveway and a neighbor called an ambulance. I got there and her only words to me were, “take care of him," as she placed a locket in my hand. I opened the locket, Jesus was on one side, Thomas on the other. I didn't say anything to her, just held her frail old hand with nicotine stained nails until she passed in the night. My mother was gone and I felt nothing except a vague sense of relief.
When I got to her house, it was like a time capsule. Other than a newer television, it was just like it was when I'd fled so many years ago. The smell of tobacco smoke hung like incense in the air. It felt oppressive, like a tomb.
I wandered the house in a bit of a daze. The one place I didn't want to go was upstairs. I didn't want to see my old room, or Thomas' room, or Mother's. Putting it off, I went to fix myself some supper, realizing I hadn't eaten in almost a day. I took a pause when I opened the fridge and saw a baby bottle on a shelf. Silently praying she had been babysitting for a neighbor, I fixed myself some toast with sardines and sat eating in the den watching TV. It had been almost forty years and it still felt rebellious not eating at the table and watching TV without permission.
My eyes grew heavy and I finally mustered up the gumption to head upstairs to go to bed. The stairs creaked in a familiar way under my feet and I was taken back to the feeling of dread hearing either Mother or Thomas climbing up. My old room was at the top of the stairs, I saw the door was nailed shut and had rambling quotes about Judas copied from the Bible in my mother's handwriting taped to the door. I sighed gently and turned from the door to head down the hallway, deciding Mother's room was probably the best place to sleep.
I passed by Thomas’ toy room and I heard a murmur from the room. I stopped, curiosity got the best of me and I entered. In Thomas' old toy room was a crib with joyful clown sheets. Dread swelled up inside me as I heard more murmurs and saw the sheets move. Approaching slowly, I peaked under the sheet and gasped.
Tucked inside was what looked like a baby gargoyle, gray and papery looking. Pus leaked out of its milky, bulbous eyes. I pulled back the blanket and saw it had no legs and its arms bent back, like wings on a bird. It was wearing just a cloth diaper, overflowing with tarry looking stool that took my breath away with its pungency, it smelled like Thomas’ blood, but somehow worse. My heart broke for this poor creature, Lord only knows how many years it has been in this crib suffering from its unholy existence.
So this is who Mother had wanted me to take care of…
Not knowing what else to do, I gently scooped him up. Like Thomas, he was shockingly heavy for how small his body was. Placing him on the changing table, I cleaned him and rewrapped his bottom in a clean diaper cloth. It was difficult, he fussed tremendously, crying and flopping around as much as his flipper-like arms would allow. I tried wiping off his oozing eyes and he snapped his mouth, which I saw was full of disturbingly square yellow teeth, trying to bite me. I carried him to the kitchen and rocked him while I heated up his bottle and he became furious with me, almost barking like a dog when my hand would get near his face.
He settled a bit as he fed, but he would still sometimes suddenly spit out the bottle and attempt to bite me. I laid him back in his crib, this abomination in a clown sheet, and I walked down the hall to Mother's room letting out a long sigh.
Combing through my mother's journals in the early hours of the morning, it looked like she tried the ceremony again shortly after Thomas died, but she either lacked Ingrid’s help or didn't have enough of my father's ashes left. Something went terribly wrong. She was vaguer than she had been about Thomas’ conception, but I suspect she had used some of Thomas' remains. The resulting birth she named Isaac.
Mother's journals told a sad tale of her and Isaac's suffering. She never mentioned me, but lamented the loss of Thomas and Dad relentlessly. She was hyper protective of Isaac, as that was all she had left. If her world had been small before, it became microscopic after he entered her life, requiring nearly constant care. According to Mother, he was blind and colicky, sometimes going years at a time without sleeping through the night. She had breast fed him for years, but she had to stop after he grew teeth and began biting her intentionally and feeding on her blood.
I spent a lot of time over the next few days pondering what to do. I had to get her estate in order, she had left me the house, in an obvious attempt to get me to continue caretaking for Isaac, but I didn't want it. I had my own cozy home an hour away from here, filled with happy memories and my possessions acquired traveling the world. Mother's home had a heavy energy I couldn't shake. Her and Thomas were both gone, but the memories of the scoldings and beatings hung in every corner, like cobwebs that would never sweep away.
So, I fed Isaac and kept him clean and tried to keep him company, although he seemed to hate me passionately. I took care of him, all the while thinking about what I was going to do. After a week, I felt resolute in what had to be done.
Gathering up all of Mother's journals in a tote, I made my way to Isaac and picked him up and carried everything to the living room.
The ancient logs in the fireplace meant for display ignited instantly. One by one, I fed the journals into the fire, burning away years of my mother's consuming sorrow. Isaac fussed and moaned next to me the entire time. When the last pages shimmered away into lacy ash, I took a throw pillow off the couch and gently cradled Isaac in my other arm. It didn't take long before he stopped struggling and I felt his little body relax after decades of suffering.
I gently wrapped up a bundle in a clown sheet and placed it in the fire. It burned furiously, like the paper in my mother's journals, and was soon gone. Nothing but ashes and embers.
“Don't worry, Mother,” I said purely for my own sake, "I took care of Isaac for you."
And finally, I felt at peace.

About me:

• My name is Reece
• 27m
• INTP-T
• Bi/Pan/Whatever - Everyone is hot
• Bit autistic
• From Worcestershire, England so bonus if you're in the UK I guess (Its WUH-STUH-SHUR btw)
• Can cook the BEST spaghetti
• Will brew a mean cup of tea for you
• Can make things out of wood
• Love history so have lots of wild stories
• I like clothes
• I got the dad jokes, probably make you laugh
• I make poor life choices so you don't have to!
• Will notice if you do something with your hair
• Does not want to show you wieners
• Love a good leather book or snazzy hardback
• Fave songs are Joan Baez - House of the Rising Sun and Mazzy Star - Into Dust
• Also love Joy Division and the Doors.
• PC Gamer, if you play Project Zomboid, Sea of Thieves, Fallout or Helldivers 2 we are friends already
• Want to binge crime docs together?
• Cyberpunk Edgerunners / Star Trek: Lower Decks are elite
• Joined a cult once for fun, not going to answer 'which one' questions from strangers, don't ask.

Tell me about you! Put an effort in.

My husband (27M) and I (38M) are doing a trip across Europe at the moment. He’s American and I’m British and we reside mostly in the UK. We’ve had experiences with boomers (too many experiences) but our travels across Europe have been something else.
95% of these boomers were, it seemed, American.
Ok some examples. Brace yourself. Here we go:

1. Venice. A city of tiny islets connected by bridges and where water taxis, gondolas and walking over bridges is commonplace. On approaching a very narrow bridge, I noticed a clump of people. As we got closer I saw a woman shouting, and then I heard her. She’s American, standing with her arms outstretched as to block access and she was SCREAMING: “Don’t walk on this bridge!! WE ARE TAKING PHOTOS ON OUR CELLPHONES!” Behind her, her friends were all posing while simultaneously struggling to operate their phones. Obviously people were just ignoring her, so she’s becoming irate. By the time we got to her I can’t help myself (I never have been able to) so I said: “Get fucked lady.” I think my backpack might have hit her as I pushed past her. Ooops.
2. At a water taxi station, a group of 8 or so boomers didn’t have the correct tickets to scan to get on the water taxi so they just PUSHED the ticket barriers until they gave way so they could board. This was noticed by the taxi boat staff, however, and the departure of the boat was delayed while they had to summon the police.
3. On a taxi gondola (one that goes directly across a canal, not one that takes you on a romantic tour) a boomer boarded after us. The ‘driver’ tells him in clear English to sit down. He doesn’t comply, instead choosing to parade up and down causing the gondola to destabilise and even for water to come aboard, even before we’ve left the port. He has the absolute temerity to tell the driver to “KEEP THIS THING STEADY! I'M TRYING TO TAKE PHOTOS YOU IDIOT!” The driver tells him to either sit down or leave (obviously not an option in the middle of the canal). He reluctantly obeys but as he sits down he mutters something like “… won the second world war!”
4. We went to an ultra high end restaurant on our final night in Venice and at the table next to us are a couple of American boomers. The man had a very unusual complexion, looking like he’s spent far too long in the sun. When their bill came, he threw a FIT because they won’t accept AmEx. “This is FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS!” He screams at the waiter who is about 18 and doesn’t really understand what is being said to him. “WE USE THIS CARD ALLL THE TIME AT HOME!” I leaned over and said: “Errrrrr, so in Europe AmEx isn’t often accepted because of the very high transaction fees. Perhaps you could-“ to which he snapped at me: “Mind your own fucking business! Nobody asked you or your boyfriend.”
5. In Zürich, we had to contend with a boomer who kept getting in the way of us taking photos. It was like he was deliberately standing in our way. At one point he seemed to almost accidentally touch my husband. Eventually I said: “hey bro, we’re trying to take a picture of us together. Can you give us some room?” To which he snapped: “You don’t own this hill you know!!”
6. We had a 7 hour train journey from one country to another. We had a first class reservation. Once we boarded, we found two boomer couples sitting around a table, which our two seats were part of. I explained we had a reservation. One of them said: “Well you can’t have, we have this table.” I produced the reservation and said: “You can clearly see it says we are in this coach, in first class, in these seats. Can I see YOUR reservation?” They refused, with the man from the other couple saying: “You don’t even look like you can afford first class tickets, son. Why don’t you run along before I get security?” I turned to my husband and said: “Go and get someone.” He did so, and they spent the next 15 minutes berating me, saying I’d be “very embarrassed” when I am told to leave the train. One of them even said: “Yeah they’ll show you up like the poor you are.” Husband returned with ticket inspector who looked at our tickets and then asks them to produce theirs. They argue briefly, and upon being threatened with removal from the train, produce tickets four second class with no reservations. The inspector tells them to leave the first class section “immediately or this will be a matter for the police” (which she said in French so I had the great pleasure of translating). They reluctantly got up to go and made a HUGE huff and puff about it. One of them pulled his bag off a luggage rack and managed to hit a child sitting near the rack with it, and then verbally abused the child’s parents when they dared to complain. At the next stop the train stopped for about 30 minutes and announcements were made that there was an “unexpected delay”. The ticket lady from before came to tell us that the four of them had been asked to leave because of their behaviour in second class, refused to do so, and therefore the police were brought in.
7. In Prague, went to a very old family owned restaurant. One of the family is a university student who happened to get talking to a boomer couple. He’s studying computing science and artificial intelligence. They tell him he is “contributing to the end of humanity”. The male boomer adds: “I was teaching people how to use Microsoft 20 years ago, I know what computers can do! And this is very dangerous….!” Needless to say, this 19 year old who understands only basic English was very confused.
8. In Milan, a boomer couple walked past me in a shop and I heard the woman say: “Fucking useless, this Italy. Everyone here speaks in foreign.”
9. In an airport to travel from Germany to Zürich, a boomer couple decided to start regulating the line to board the jet. They stood in the way of the gate desk, letting only older people past and holding younger people back. I snapped at once: “What are you doing? Get out of the way, man” and as I walked past him I heard “… elders first! Elders first!” When I was on the jet and seated, the wife came up to me ONCE WE WERE IN THE AIR and said I had been “very disrespectful” to her husband and “you are now required to apologise.” My husband, seeing I was on the verge of committing a murder, said: “Look, you got your moment of glory earlier in controlling the queue. Take your pound of flesh and fuck off.” She then snaps: “OR WHAT?” to which my husband calmly replies: “Or we make a complaint right now about your disruptive behaviour onboard an aircraft. Don’t tend to like that, the Swiss.” And then he sits down and instantly puts his AirPods in and turning away from her. I had to look out of the window so she didn’t see me smiling.
10. In Milan we visited a museum showcasing technologies through the ages. It was enormous, and very comprehensive. In one display case they have an original Macintosh from 1984. As I stand looking at it, I became aware of some raised - distinctly American - voices. “What the hell!! Are they saying they MADE the computer?!!? WE MADE THE COMPUTER.” I can’t resist (again) and turn to him and say to this group of 6 boomers: “Actually, ladies and gents, the modern inventor of the computer is Alan Turing, an English guy who broke the German’s Enigma code during World War 2. This Macintosh is here just because of its historical significance-“ I didn’t get any further cos he cut me off with “UGH. So it’s the ENGLISH stealing our tech now!”

I am writing this because we were both have been genuinely taken aback by what we have experienced. I have travelled extensively in Europe and never quite come up against this before, so I don’t know if it means that the Boomer problem is getting worse or what.

Howdy peeps! Hoping some of you may shed some light on my situation as this assessment criteria is confusing me to no end, and need to weigh up if I need to continue losing my soul here in the UK. I'm very keen to submit some EOIs given the upcoming visa changes this year and beyond which will likely prolong invite turnarounds. Will be seeking nomination as a ICT Business/Systems Analyst.
I graduated in 2015 with an IT Major, then worked for just under five years at Apple as a Business Expert which given it was situated from a retail setting, I'm not so confident it would be counted. I did mostly backpacking and random odd-jobs from 2018 till 2020 whilst in Melbourne on two 417's, then returning home during the second Melbourne lockdown without thinking about the 408. Chomping at the bit to get back ever since.... Hit the ripe old age of 31 a few weeks after the Nil VACs were introduced AND after the A-UKFTA was signed upping the age to 35....
Since late 2020, I've gotten two and a half years experience as a Senior IT Analyst, then ten months as of today as a IT Service Manager. Am I correct in thinking that if I lodge an assessment and they deduct two years - I will be given a negative skill assessment as they'll only acknowledge about a year as 'skilled'? Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? Given the recent $$$ uplift in ACS fees, I don't really want to go through all the stat decs, affidavits, and referencing if it would be better to just sit and wait.
I could return to Melbourne in July for my third WHV, but it is a risk with the six-month limitation. The 403 stream via the Innovation and Early Careers Skills Exchange Pilot (IECSEP) looks very promising to suss onshore as having little luck applying from the motherland as most employers/recruiters don't seem to acknowledge or understand it yet.
Any thoughts?