Reddit Account: u/Thenn_Applicant
Discord Tag: Garin
Name and House: Dorian Merryweather
Age: 49
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [Dorian's chestnut brown hair has been greying for quite a while, however is short beard retains more color, including a few stray red hairs peppered throughout it. While his features have softened and gained some pudge as he aged past his prime, he remains in overall good shape. This is partly due to his great love of gardening and crop cultivation, which have left his hands and nails rather rough.](Dodin-Bouffant-The-Taste-of-Things-Vest.webp (500×650) (williamjacket.com))
Trait: Numerate
Skills: Avaricious (e), Architect, Administrator, Investor
Talents: Language (High Valyrian) Cooking, Gardening
Negative Trait: N/A
Starting Title: Lord of Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
It has been said; men grow tired of sleep, love, singing and dancing, sooner than war. As such, it begs the question, what does a man have left when he finally tires of war? In pursuit of an answer, of any answer, one half of Dorian Merryweather’s life was spent. He was the second son of Lord Arthor Merryweather of Longtable. Like many others born in a place of natural abundance, he longed for more, for something greater than a mere provincial estate. The tourneys of Highgarden, the hunts of Horn Hill and the books of Oldtown all called to him, and so he could never ride past his father’s mild and verdant fields fast enough. Dorian counted himself lucky not to be the heir, for that meant he could pick where his future lay, unchained from the uninspiring home of his childhood. Instead it was his older brother, Bennard, who envied his free-flying lifestyle, contriving any excuse to join him on his escapades and agurk lessons and ceremonies he ought to have attended.
Lord Arthor was fairly permissive of this deriliction of duties, as the friendships forced on such journeys were worth more than lessons that could be repeated later, or tasks that could be handed off to lowborn stewards. The boys attended tourneys, balls, hunts and feasts, living the life the bards extolled as the height of reachman’s chivalry. The one time they did not shirk their duties was when their father had the honor of hosting King Mern and his court for a tourney on the Warrior’s day. The Merryweather sons would present the king and his family with silver bowls of dilligrout, a most exquisite stew of capons, white wine and almond milk. They had the joy of tasting it once the Gardeners had their fill, a taste they would never forget. On the tournament field three days later, Mern knighted them both, though Dorian was only sixteen at the time, green as a knight could ever be.
Five years later, as news of Aegon Targaryen and his early conquests spread, the lords of the Reach were summoned to Goldengrove, where they found a veritable forest of Westermen’s banners being planted beside their own. The fall of the Storm Kings had led to a whirlwind of diplomacy between the houses of Gardener and Lannister. The plan was presented to the lords with the two kings sitting beside one another on the dais as though they were brothers. They held up Aegon’s letter of demands, scornfully reading it aloud and then proceeded to tear it up to a roaring acclamation from the hall. Standing there before the hall, Mern could hardly be called the Warrior incarnate. There stood a man well past his prime, old enough to be a grandfather and with no great victories to his name, in battle or on the tourney field. All the same, this man, whom they called their king, always seemed to know exactly what to say to win someone over. If he’d declared war on hell itself that evening, the Merryweather brothers would probably still have marched off with him when the next morning dawned. Bennard and Dorian shouted as loud as anyone, death to the foreign upstart. That evening were betrothed to westerwomen they’d never met before, made plans for a real battle, which they had never fought in before, and drank, ate and sang as though the night would last forever. House Merryweather was not able to secure a command, yet King Mern remembered his stay at Longtable fondly. He gave Bennard and Dorian a place in the vanguard, and even adorned Bennard with a brooch of the order of the green hand the morning before the army Goldengrove, a momentous honor which Bennard would cherish for the remainder of his days. He did not have many left, as it turned out. The Field of Fire began like a dream, as the two brothers rode off at the break of dawn, two out of five thousand sets of gleaming armor atop proud warhorses. By the end of the day it had become a nightmare. Caught up in the maelstrom of battle, Dorian did not see the moment when their loss was assured, but the Gods know he could hear it, the creeping, hungry flames that descended on the reachmen like an army of its own. As hundreds were broiled inside their steel plate and thousands more choked on the inferno’s horrible vanguard of black smoke, Bennard and Dorian broke and fled. They were not far behind the retreating Loren Lannister in their escape, but half a minute made all the difference. The lines of fire fanned out, hunting more living things to devour, and engulfed the two brothers. Dorian could feel how the flames spread from his surcoat to his undershirt, all the way down to the hairs on his chest, beginning to sear his skin. In a desperate act he threw himself in the Blackwater, and would have perished if not for the shoddy work of his squire that morning, which left him able to tear off his plate before he could sink. With bloodied, burn-marked fingers, he clung to the roots of a tree by the riverside, water up to his chest. He was retrieved after some time, how long he could not say. For the next two moons his mind was adrift, distracted from his pains by milk of the poppy. The next two were far worse, as he grew more lucid and realized the extent of the damage. A burn-mark stretched from his right thigh, all the way up his chest and left bicep to the apple of his neck. Many times over, flakes of dead or dying skin had to be peeled off by the maester as the scabs kept bursting with blood and clear liquid. By the end of that year he was able to walk again, though the burn mark would leave a feverish red mark across the front of his body, his new skin settling into twisted lines.
Bennard was far worse for wear, alive yet burned all the way to his face and crippled from a fall off his horse. His nose and ear-lobes had to be cut off, too burned to save, and even his eyelids were permanently scarred, unable to sprout new lashes. The more lucid Bennard became, the deeper his sorrow. Eventually he began refusing food. The new lord of Longtable would not eat anything his cooks set in front of him. In spite of his ever present pains, Dorian began going to the kitchens, reprimanding the cooks for their failings. He knew his brother well and knew his palette, and began ordering them to make his brother’s favorites. When he felt they were making mistakes, he interrupted their work himself. He was a stranger to the kitchen, yet would criticize how things were cut too roughly, spiced too little or too much. He was a terror to the cooks, yet they could not refuse him.
His attempts to intervene were however hampered by a newfound aversion to heat. The sound of the hearth, of boiling and searing, the general sense of warmth around him made him nauseous and caused his movements to seize up. Still, he went to his brother’s bedside every day, and afterwards he forced himself back to the kitchens. His sister, Lydia, tried to stop him at first, but soon found her protes fell on deaf ears, and so joined him, if only to leash him in when he went too far. Finally, there was only one dish they hadn’t tried; the dilligrout they’d once served to the late King Mern. Every time it was made, it came out wrong. It soon turned out the cook who had served them that evening six years ago had since retired, and his exact method had never been recorded or taught to anyone else. Dorian would first invite the man to Longtable, then summon him with armed knights when invitations were refused.
Theomar, the man who appeared before him, was a sorry sight, looking frightened and confused as he was taken to his old workplace. It was explained by his sons that he’d been growing senile even six years ago, often snapping at the kitchen maids under him when his memory failed him. Since then he’d gotten worse, seldom eating, let alone cooking. Something in the old man’s eyes did seem to brighten for a moment when the sounds and smells of his old kitchen surrounded him, and Dorian ordered him to make dilligrout. Before long that faint spark had been drowned out by tears. He would start boiling capon or crushing almonds, only to leave the job half-done whenever he had to fetch something new. Serving maids were put at his disposal to bring him ingredients, yet an ingredient ordered would be met with a reprimand as he seemed to forget which dish he was making every few minutes. Finally Dorian snapped at the man, grabbing him by his collar and shouting accusations of treason against House Merryweather. By the time Lydia could restrain him and try to apologize, the man was a wreck on the floor. After watching it for a while, waiting for the man to get up and continue his work, even Dorian was overcome by pity and shame for what he’d done. The old cook was praying to the gods, begging forgiveness for his failings. Dorian began to realize he’d broken a great man down and would himself beg forgiveness. He offered the man his old cook’s quarters back for the rest of his life, and promised his sons that his maester would tend to the man in his old age, that he would be fed from Longtable’s stores.
At this point, he resolved to make the dilligrout himself. Through it all, Bennard was barely clinging to life, or rather being tethered to it by the will of others. He could only be fed when drugged down by the milk of the poppy, and the more often it was used, the less effective it became. Every day Dorian braved the kitchens, yet he could not recreate the flavor of that wonderful night. It was by the grace of the gods, perhaps with Theomar as their vessel, that Dorian would even come close. The old man could no longer cook, but over time he began to wander into the kitchens and sit down on a chair. At first Dorian thought the man only sought the warmth of the hearth for his weary bones, yet he discovered it to be more than that. Theomar’s eyes were like clouded glass, yet they brightened every now and then, hearing almonds being ground, smelling capons searing in fat, as though it was stirring the kitchenmaster of yore back to life. Eventually Dorian began to walk up to the old cook with his ingredients, bidding him to smell or taste small portions. Sometimes he got simple instructions out of it, ‘too coarse’, ‘too sour’, ‘underdone’. Som times a mere nod or frown was all Theomar managed. Over the course of a couple of days, Dorian put together one final attempt to get the dish made rightWhen he arrived in Bennard’s chamber, he was met with a look which brought forth discomfort that no flame could produce in Dorian. Plainly, raspingly, his brother asked him why he wouldn’t let him die. It was easy, Bennard reasoned. All Dorian needed to do was wait and become lord. The words almost made Dorian throw the dilligrout on the floor. Almost. He placed two bowls on Bennard’s table, the dilligrout and one brimming with milk of the poppy. Dorian told his brother to make his choice. If he sought death, Dorian would let him, but he would not hear that it was an easy thing, watching his brother die. That evening, the milk of the poppy was carried away by the maester, the empty bowl of stew taken to be washed in the kitchens. From then on, Bennard ate what his brother brought him without complaint. He lasted just into the new year, dying on its tenth day. In the predawn gloom of the twelfth, Theomar died in his sleep
Dorian took up his lordly task joylessly. His old wanderlust returned, spurred by the horrible memories that now stained Longtable and the reach itself in his mind. The final straw came when their new Tyrell overlords, insisted on him marrying a lady from a dornish house. His previous betrothal had fallen through, as the parents of his western bride had not wished to draw the ire of the Targaryens by maintaining an old alliance meant to oppose them. Instead of obliging, he boarded a ship from Oldtown going east. It stopped only briefly in Planky Town before going to Tyrosh. Noting him to be a nobleman, a few of the city’s wealthy men would host him for a while, though they quickly lost interest when his lack of knowledge of trade became apparent. After that, he spent time in the markets and squares where the common people lived. His old curiosity was piqued, and he decided to embark on a quest of learning, fashioning himself another Lomas Longstrider. He moved on to Myr, and the experience was much the same in broad strokes, a few rich men showed interest and quickly lost it. As he’d visited the dye markets he went to see the city’s famous artisans at work. One thing was notably different, he met a Tyroshi woman with green-dyed hair, going by the name Maryah. She was a trader, and the two had taken the same ship to Myr. She had been to Myr before and showed him many of its secrets. They spent an entire day in one of the vast delicacy markets so she could show him the many tastes of the city. Having no plans in advance, he asked where she was headed next.
Without a second thought he would join her on a journey to Lys. He soon understood it to be a test. It was not long before she teased him, speculating he’d only joined her for a chance to see the famous pleasure houses. Evening after evening they stayed in the city and Maryah would tease and test him over the matter. Finally he told her he’d renounce his betrothal for her, that there was no one else in his eye. She laughed, replying he would not have to. The next morning, Dorian awoke to find that she was already up, the green washed from her black curls. Maryah had in fact been Joanna Dayne, his dornish bride to be, having traveled the same route as him ever since his ship stopped at Planky Town to refill its food and water. She was already quite familiar with the three closest free cities, having served as a dornish envoy on behalf of its spice traders. As they planned their return to Westeros, Joanna asked him what else in the world he wanted to see. Within a few moons of being wed, they left Westeros, not to return for three years.The journey was what his mind needed, away from the Reach, its knights and tapestries, hunts and tourneys. Ultimately, the lords and knights of his homeland, for all their songs and poetry, lived every day in preparation for war, frivolous though the preparations were. Joanna showed him a different world, the remnants of Old Valyria. War was to be sure inescapable. Wherever they went, there were soldiers, tapestries, contests of arms, and yet the cities housed something else as well, a boundless potential for creation, commerce and growth.
Thanks to Joanna Dayne’s knowledge their stays became far better planned, and they could enjoy the hospitality of wealthy locals far longer. She knew how to talk about the spice trade and similar matters, and Dorian began to pick up on it. On their second stay in Myr, he procured a great deal of fine parchment and began taking notes, everything from negotiation tactics and the prices of cloves or red peppers to court customs, as well as more eclectic pieces of knowledge, details of running an eastern estate, descriptions of technological marvels he had never seen in Westeros, and ingredients in the local food. By the time they neared Qarth he had quite the list of recipes, among other things. There he was even able to learn a few all the way from Yi Ti, as some local cooks catered to merchants from the Golden Empire. On their journey home they’d end up taking the opportunity to see the newly made port of King’s Landing. By that time, a third member had joined their journey, their infant daughter Florys. Having left Longtable in the care of his sister and steward for three years, Dorian finally accepted the responsibility of running his ancestral home.
Longtable was considered to rule over some of the best lands in the Reach, ideally situated along the river with abundant soil which could provide two grain harvests in a year. Having seen the estates which supplied the great cities of the east, Dorian was all too aware of its comparative shortcomings. He found that the abundance of the land had a counterproductive effect, breeding complacency and carelessness. From his grandiose tour of the east, he went on a painstaking tour of his own lands, trying to get an overview of everything he ruled over. He paid the citadel a fee to send him half a dozen maesters in training for a season. These young men, literate and numerate, would serve his own maester in conducting a survey of the land, giving Dorian account of all resources at his disposal as lord. The results were quite varied.
Some peasants were found to have remarkable agricultural insights which they had no way of writing down, entirely reliant on passing the knowledge to their children. Knowing the risks of such a method of transferring knowledge, Dorian ordered such insights recorded. In other places there were farmers and communities who were unwittingly exhausting their soil. Instances of lack of fallow land, excessive grazing by cows and lack of crop rotation were also made note of, followed by edicts against such heedless practices. Septons, sheriffs and tax collectors were given written copies and were obliged to read them to the peasantry wherever it was deemed necessary. It also became part of the obligations of farmers to plant a set amount of clover in their fields and pastures, a practice some had taken up on their own but which had already become a standardized law among the estates belonging to Myr and Volantis. Irrigation was expanded and land inheritance was reformed to prevent the splitting of fields past a certain threshold.
Lord Dorian was not always successful. Some eastern ideas had been useful innovations which improved conditions across the board. In time he learned that the peculiarities of the westerosi system were sometimes necessary for the sake of stability, not merely the misshapen fruits of ignorance. His attempt to enclose part of the common lands proved abortive, as it nearly caused a peasant rebellion. A procession of aggrieved smallfolk headed for Longtable had to be dispersed by knights, armed with wooden clubs to prevent needless bloodshed.Two men were hanged and five sent to the wall, but the reform was thereafter abandoned, leading the populace to calm down. Dorian was not much of a military leader and had not wielded weapons since the Field of Fire. He became aware of his need to bolster his forces, a notion reinforced by the establishment of the Black Roses not long after his return, and again with the Kingswood Catastrophe
In the meantime, he and Joanna raised a family together. Three more daughters would be born healthy, with a couple of miscarriages and a stillbirth in between, also a daughter. Their travels did not entirely come to an end. In 13 AC they would tour the northern free cities of Norvos, Qohor, Pentos, Braavos and Lorath, which they had missed on their original journey. The lion’s share of 17 AC was spent on a journey to the Summer Islands. At other times they would make shorter journeys around the Seven Kingdoms, where they felt more secure in bringing their older children along. Whether it was visiting Joanna’s family in Dorne, tourneys and feasts in the Reach and West or even one trip to see the wall, a nameday wish by Florys, they were often on the move. Like most of their peers, they frequented Oldtown and Highgarden
The growing rift between the two queens and their children was a situation Dorian would watch with dread in his heart, remembering keenly how a generation of young men had been brought to the field of fire. To his mind, the Targaryen rule ought not go to waste. Like Valyria of old, it had begun with fire and blood, yet similarly peace and prosperity had followed in its wake. If only the dragons could stand united, perhaps another long peace like the one the Freehold once enjoyed could again be established. If not, another century of blood was upon them. Under Dorian, Longtable became a place where he sought to bring together people from across the kingdoms and forge unity over the dinner table, an attitude which somewhat vexed and confounded his more militaristic daughter and heiress, Lady Florys. Even amid her questioning of the viability of his peaceful ways when surrounded by those who would make war, a terrible sight would steel his resolve, watching the Mander burning green, every bit as terrible as the flames from twenty one years prior. That night he made a simple vow, never again.
The League of the Cornucopia, he would name his little group, a gallery of lords and ladies whose acquaintances he’d made over the years. With these fellow gourmets he would share the culinary knowledge he’d gleaned from his journeys in the east and west. Most unusual for a lord of his rank, Dorian came to spend a great deal of time in his kitchens, testing out recipes himself. On occasion, the dishes he served to his guests for these small, intimate gatherings would be the work of his own hands. The membership did vary from time to time, both based on who could make it and who he sought to bring together. Rather than a fully closed circle, the League is more like a form of feasting, only it’s done for a much smaller crowd, without the public spectacle. Such occasions allowed for more refined foods which did not need to be served to hundreds and kept constantly warm over the course of hours like some common tavern stew. It also opened up an arena of more intimate diplomacy and negotiation for those who sought it, hosted on neutral ground by a lordly mediator, free from prying eyes.
Timeline:
25BC: Dorian is born, second in line to Longtable
24BC: His sister Lydia is born
9BC: House Merryweather hosts House Gardener for a tourney and feast. Dorian and his older brother Bennard serve the dish of honor to King Mern Gardener and his family. During the subsequent tourney, Mern knights both boys, despite their inexperience and lack of victory in the tourney
9BC-2BC: Dorian spends much time travelling the reach, attending events
1BC: Dorian and Bennard fight in the vanguard at the Field of Fire. Both are burned, Bennard far more severely than Dorian. Lord Merryweather is killed. Traumatized by the battle and his new maimed body, Bennard starts refusing food. Dorian desperately tries to re-create the dish they served King Mern eight years ago. The cook who made it has since gone senile, but eventually manages to help Dorian re-create it. He is given a place at court as apology for his mistreatment at Dorian's hands before this occurred.
1AC: Lord Bennard dies at the beginning of the year, leaving Dorian as lord of Longtable. His sister Lydia fulfills her betrothal to House Tarly, becoming lady of Horn Hill. At the prospect of marrying a Dornishwoman on the King's orders, Dorian decides to leave Westeros to put off his marriage. In Myr, he meets a woman calling herself Maryah, claiming to be a Tyroshi merchant. They fall in love and travel to Lys together. There Dorian promises to set aside his betrothal for her, whereupon she reveals herself as Joanna Dayne, his dornish betrothed.
1AC-4AC: Dorian and Joanna wed at Longtable, then depart on a new journey of the east. They reach as far as Qarth before turning back home. In 3AC, on the way back, their first child, Florys, is born while the couple are in Volantis, on the way home. They return via the newly built port of King's Landing.
4AC-8AC: Using knowledge from the east, Lord Dorian embarks on a project of rationalizing the agriculture of Longtable
5AC: Dorian and Joanna have their second child, a girl named Ellyn
8AC: Their third daughter, Desmera, is born
13AC: Dorian and Joanna spend a year travelling the northern free cities
14AC: Their fourth and final daughter, Gwin, is born
17AC: Dorian and Joanna undertake a journey to the Summer Islands with their children
23AC: The aftermath of the battle of Stonebridge brings back memories of the Field of Fire, as the Merryweathers watch burning slag run down the Mander
25AC: The Merryweathers travel to the celebration of the maturity of Aegon's sons
Family Tree:
Arthor Merryweather (father, d.1BC)
Cerelle Merryweather (pending family connection) (mother, d.20AC)
Bennard Merryweather (brother, d.1AC)
Lydia Merryweather (sister, b.24BC)
Glendon Merryweather (uncle, d.1BC)
Myrcella Pommingham (aunt, d.22AC)
Leo Merryweather (cousin, b.13AC)
Joanna Dayne (wife, b.26AC)
Florys Merryweather (daughter, b.3AC)
Ellyn Merryweather (daughter, b.5AC)
Desmera Merryweather (daughter, b.8AC)
Gwin Merryweather (daughter, b.13AC)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Auxiliary Character:
Name and House: Florys Merryweather
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [A short, muscular woman with wavy black hair, normally worn in a bun. She has high cheekbones and a proud demeanor. Her rigid strength stands in contrast to the more relaxed nature of the Merryweather court, one she finds overly lax and casual](0_0.png (896×1344) (discordapp.com))
Trait: Hale
Skills: Swords (e), Essosi Blademaster
Talents: Dancing, Fishing, Cooking
Negative Traits: N/A
Starting Title: Heir to Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Timeline:
3AC: Florys is born in Volantis, while her parents are on their way home from Essos
10AC: Florys starts training under Saathos Trevelyan, her father's Master at Arms
13 AC: She joins her parents on a tour of Pentos, Braavos, Norvos and Qohor
17AC: She travels with her parents to the Summer Islands
19AC-23AC: As she comes of age, Florys becomes more critical of her father's desire for peace, viewing it as increasingly far-fetched amid the increasingly controversial regency and the impending succession dispute. She resolves to make the kinds of connections her father seems unwilling to, in case of war
25AC: She accompanies her family to the celebrations
NPCS:
Ser Leo Merryweather (Age: 37, Archetype: Magnate) Lord Merryweather's first cousin, he has become an indispensable agent in the daily running of Longtable. Despite his foppish demeanor and aparent laziness, he is highly capable and loyal in his task of increasing his family's fortune. He remains happily unwed
Saathos Tevelyan: (Age:48, Archetype: Master at Arms) The son of a Lysene father and a Myrish mother, Saathos initially sought a career in amongst Myr's military officers, however his family's relatively low status proved an impediment to further promotion, later compounded by a dispute with a superior. He met Lord Merryweather in 3AC and eventually travelled West to offer his services five years later, finding his career progress stonewalled in his home city. Well into middle age, he still looks firm and imposing as profesisonal a soldier ought to

bro 18 na ko and most ppl think na minor pa lang ako, may nakausap me and mukha daw akong 16< i want to look mature huhu idk how
but for reference i am 5’6, chubby cheeks, flat chested and um maybe ave skinny.
BRO YUNG IBANG NAKIKITA KO SA TIKTOK NA 14-16 MAS MUKHA PANG MATURED SAKIN
edit: okayy sorry na yea 18 is still young pero yk yung feeling na mature na tignan yung mga ka age mo or even the younger ones then there you are who look like a minor

Yeah imma put this in here for fun :)
Names/Titles:
Fumetsu, Bhairab Bēcaina, The Great Asura of Death and Destruction, The immortal, King of Hearts (named by the Perfected Army of Christ).
Age: 1100-200 years
Appearance:
A Sorcerer of unknown origin. His skin tone is a light tan. Despite being 300+ years old, he looks barely a day above 28. He has black short hair and wears a folded sleeved button up everywhere he goes, even in battle. The shirt is stained in blood and his own flesh. When seen by people he constantly looks covered in blood.
Personality:
Bhairab is considered highly sadistic, sociopathic, hedonistic and extremely selfish. He often has large episodes of vanity where he brags to his opponent about how many women and children he has killed. Additionally while he is not killing weak sorcerers and curse spirits he often spends time with his harem. He is also very cunning and manipulative. Capable of tricking even high level foreign Jujutsu agents into giving him valuable information.
Despite this he does have some sort of admiration of humanity. In one fight with an unknown sorcerer, he clearly stated that he is powerful because he can choose to kill. That the reason humans are superior to anything else is because they can choose to ignore their desires or not. He simply chose to follow Kenjaku because he believes that the world he’ll create would be interesting to live in.
Backstory:
A foreign Agent of Kenjaku and notorious curse user. He is considered a key part of his contingency plan if Kenjaku were to die fighting. Not much is known about his origins. Only that he awakened from the mountains as a child; alone. He didn't know how much time had passed, it was so cold that he couldn't feel anything, he could only see the gray sky and snow raining down on his face. He couldn’t even describe the color.
Moving his eyes around he could see two figures approaching him. Both were talking in some foreign language. Just as they were talking, the child had one thought in him, hunger. He tried to walk up to the figures but a snap in his leg was felt, resulting in him falling in front of the figures. They laid flat on the floor and left him. He raises his head up to look at the figures moving away. He still felt hopeful. Believing they would come but they never did. This happened every single time. As time passed more snow enveloped him to which he became invisible to anyone who passed through the mountain. Despite being unable to stand, he could at least hear the voices of those who would rest near him.
At first these were just more foreign voices, but he would eventually understand. He would understand people's conversations, descriptions and dying breaths. A thought would appear in mind as he was trapped in the snow. It said live. He woke up from the snow and proceeded to walk down the mountain. Despite the severe conditions he never wavered, when he spotted a climber. His thought was that he needed clothes so he grabbed the man and gouged his eyes out before stripping him naked and leaving him to die out in the cold. He continued forward until he stopped by a village gate.
The people looked at him with fear. All they said was Fumetsu when looking at him. He didn’t really care, only looking for a place to sleep in. It was when he was surrounded by town guards that he realized he wasn't welcomed here so he grabbed a guards spear and went to it. The result was a bloodbath. With the entire village destroyed in the process. That was the origin of the man that would try his hardest to destroy jujutsu society. Helping Kenjaku further his plot by infiltrating and weakening foreign barriers outside of japan. He is infamous for his ability in Jujutsu and being considered one of the greatest threats to the Perfected Army of Christ, Jagtånder and the Ainu Jujutsu Society. Having multiple encounters with all three of these organizations and repelling some of their smaller forces on some occasions. For each of these organizations, when it is believed that Fumetsu is dead, he seems to appear in a different location, always starting something.
Curse Technique:
The Precepts of Bhairab: The user's atoms are able to contain the user's consciousness. The user can manipulate their atoms with curse energy. This manipulation is not limited to converting elements, creating compounds or creating chemical reactions as long as it is his atoms that he manipulates. This allows the user the potential to manipulate their own body by the atomic level. They can also manipulate objects their body touches though this does take time at around 10 - 15 seconds.
Extension Techniques:
Precept of Protection:
Fumetsu condenses the atoms that compose his skin. Hardening his skin in the process. This makes him highly resilient but reduces his mobility.
Precept of Life:
Fumetsu focuses all his curse energy to multiply his atoms and fully regenerate himself in 3 seconds. Any sort of damage that is done to his body can be fully healed, as long as he has curse energy.
Precept of Insight:
Fumetsu turns any sort of converted material around him into highly complex organs such as eyes, ears, limbs and more. Allowing him to either have extrasensory perception, a better physical constitution or an increased output of curse energy.
Precept of Preparation:
Fumetsu forms any of his converted atoms in nitroglycerin and heats them, leaving only so much to be used as projectiles. Basically creating a pipe bomb out of his flesh. Any projectiles that manage to hit the opponent will slowly begin to convert them. If not removed (Either via amputation or RCT) or reinforced with CE in the next 15 seconds Fumetsu can control and manipulate their bodies.
Precept of Feigned Humility:
A full reworking of his body to create a biological masterpiece for sorcery. Has eyes now on his arms and back. His back muscles constantly contort to produce hand signs and he has mouths on his palms and right chest constantly chanting curses. His perception has greatly increased as he now has a full 360 degree vision and senses even the small vibrations in the air. All his physical attributes have also increased by 250%. However his most notable feature is his increase in CE output by 180%.
Maximum Technique, Broken Precept of Destruction:
By slowly converting the air around him he can create a hydrogen blast that is shown to decimate entire cities. Requires around 2-5 minutes to charge up.
Weakness:

• Curse Energy reinforcement is often effective against being assimilated into him.
• Is killable during curse technique burnout.
• Advanced Reverse Curse Technique can reverse the assimilation.

Binding Vows:
Undying Domain: Through not only forfeiting the barrier but also reducing the radius of the domain’s radius to 3 metres and making it so that the domain is unable to overwhelm anyone elses his domain’s sure hit effects will still be ongoing. This is shown especially during domain clashes. Where the opponent's domain’s effect is cancelled but the user's domain sure hit is still in place. Meaning that if the opponent tries to approach the user in spite of any other external conditions they will now be under the sure hit effect.
Domain Expansion, Eighth Precept of Bhairab: Beautiful Naraka of the Asura
This domain initially depicts several buddhist statues accompanying a black barrier with Fumetsu at the center. Sorcerers are often fooled into believing that he is simply casting a curtain as Fumetsu often says the incantation in a foreign language. When anything is within the domain their atoms are instantly converted to Fumetsu’s atoms, making them susceptible to his manipulation.
The current undying domain does not have this. Instead it is a pure atomisation field destroying anything that comes within a 3 meter radius.

Just warning y'all, this is gonna be really long... I'm trying to give as much context as I can for better understanding. And another warning, I mention some things about weight and feeling insecure about it. Not anything too bad, but just so you know. Anyways. I'm AFAB, and I've used the label genderfluid since 2019, but now as I'm getting older and allowing myself to explore my gender identity without feeling ashamed, I don't know if I'm really genderfluid, or transgender, or what. I just would like to know what label this sounds like to y'all? And I KNOW I don't Have to use a label, I just want to know or get some other peoples thoughts on it, because I'm really confused and don't know what is really going on with me. So basically, I've been identifying as a woman for a long time, since it's my assigned gender at birth. But in 2019, I really just learned about LGBTQ and all of the labels and meanings, and I found that Genderfluid fit me best. That some days I felt like a boy, some days I felt like a girl, some days I felt like neither, or both, whatever. But I think I kinda forgot about it, and I just identified as a woman again. And then in 2020, I thought I might be trans, as I wanted to be everything male. I wanted to dress that way, look that way, have a different name and haircut and pronouns and all of that. And I was ALOT happier that way, and I felt more comfortable, but also not at the same time because of my chest. I've wanted a binder for a VERY long time, and I didn't have one till just THIS year, and so whenever I dressed how I wanted to in 2020, I just looked like a guy with a big bust and it repulsed me, so I really just tried to be male online with my friends mostly? Since I didn't look like one in real life, I felt like I was embarrassing myself, y'know? :( And in 2021, I just went by agender, because I didn't feel like being anything. But also that year, I was really depressed, so I think maybe I just didn't wanna have to stress about my gender too. Anyways, in 2023 I went into a relationship with somebody, and I was identifying as a woman at that point, so I kinda subconsciously hyperfeminized myself so I could be their "perfect" girlfriend, even though they didn't want me to do that. I kinda tried way too hard that year 💀 We broke up in November that year, and after that, I've been exploring my gender again. I realized there wasn't really a need to be so feminine, and I started to like Harry Potter for the first time! My favorite character was Ron Weasley, and I started to really like his character, and the actor himself. I really admired the way he dressed when he was younger, and at that point, I decided that I should start dressing the way I REALLY want to. So I got the money for new clothes, AND A BINDER! And I finally got to dress the way I've wanted for so long, and I was so happy. It was the happiest and best I've ever felt and looked in so long. I felt just like a boy. But, I also felt dysphoric for the first time in a while, because I had my long dark brown hair still. I didn't feel like I really looked like a boy enough because of it. And I debated cutting my hair, but I thought I was just really liking that Rupert Grint guy too much, and I only was acting that way because of him. Sometimes I really like a character or celebrity and I kind of accidentally subconsciously take on some things that they do, and the way they dress. But I eventually completely stopped liking Harry Potter, and I still wanted that haircut, so I did it. And I really tried to give myself a gender neutral/androgynous haircut, so if I felt like a girl again, I wouldn't regret the haircut. I had that haircut, and I dressed the way I wanted to, and I felt incredible. It's the most confident I've ever felt in my life, but then my hair started to grow out, and I looked more girly again, and I couldn't take it. So I had another haircut, this time inspired by Chino Moreno, the lead singer of my favorite band ever, Deftones. I got hairgel, and now I go out with my spiked hair, baggy jeans with boxers showing, baggy band shirt, my sneakers, and a ton of bracelets and cuffs. This is JUST how I have ALWAYS wanted to dress. I feel like a boy, and I'm so happy. But now I'm really getting to the point now, that's all of the context I had to say first. I've recently caught myself thinking "I can't wait to get top surgery one day." Which, I am DEFINITELY doing. But then I started thinking... what's next after that? Am I just gonna be me with a flat male looking chest, or am I gonna want to go more into it? (As in taking testosterone.) because I also catch myself dreaming about the day I'm old enough to take it. But does that mean I'm trans then? Because, I do like the idea of looking like a woman... But I also don't at all at the same time. I only like the idea od looking like a girl, I guess. Like a young girl. (Because I grew up as a little young girl who wore dresses and bows and did sweet things, I just feel most comfortable being a girl that way, related to my childhood. I don't like the idea of being a girl grown up getting a job, a relationship, a LIFE, ETC.) It's really confusing. And, my mom got nervous when I brought up top surgery though (and she 100% supports me though) because she was worried I would regret it when I do feel like a woman again. And I think that even if I do feel like a woman again one day, I can just be a woman with a flat chest ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. But also, for the first time maybe ever in my life, I've started to get insecure over my weight. I think that when I was identifying/presenting myself as a woman, I just accepted that I was a bit big, because I was curvy and women are curvy sometimes and that was it. I've always been a little insecure over it, but I've also always been very scared to lose weight, because I'm scared that it'll go out of control and I'd get an eating disorder or something. Which is probably just a really weird thought, but I worry about alot of weird things. Anyways, I think the reason it's really bothering me now is because I want to look like a man. Not a big curvy woman with boobs and hips and love handles and a butt, I want to be a fully flat man. I'm flat in the chest at least with my binder, but I feel disgusted whenever I have to see my hips or behind though. Not necessarily because they're big, but because I'm supposed to be a man. It makes me feel so dysphoric. I just don't understand what is going on with me. Am I just a heavily confused genderfluid person? Am I really just a girl?? Am I transgender, and I only liked being a girl when I was younger, but not as an adult??? Is that even a thing????? I just need advice, or opinions, or somebody to help out and tell me what labels this could be, or what is wrong with me, or something. Please. Thanks in advance, and I'm sorry for the very very long post.
TL;DR. I don't know if I am a transgender male, or just a really confused genderfluid person.

Most prices are negotiable

for those who like picture like me:2019, 2020, 2020pt2, 2021, dead_reck, 2022, 2022pt2, 2023 ,2024
my steam account
add me so we can trade.need to be friends for 30 days. Steam rep
why trade with me ? i have a lot of giftables i want to sell and im not willing to risk my rep for a single trade. also check my steam profile for recent comments , those are people i traded cache sets with ,they all went first you can check their profile for my gifted items .
i always give discounts for people who buy 2 or more.

newest 2023 cache

Item	Price
Snailfire (SnapFire)	20$
Brightfist (Marci)	20$
Dezun Viper (Dazzle)	5$
Primeval Abomination (Primal Beast)	5$
Astral Herald (Dawnbreaker)	5$
Spectral Shadow (Abaddon)	5$
Taur Rider (Alchemist)	5$
Crescent Huntress (Spectre)	5$
Tyrant of the Veil (Wraith King)	5$
Tomo'kan Footsoldier (Hoodwink)	5$
Darkwood Eulogy (Death Prophet)	2.5$
Sea Spirit (Kunkka)	5$
Triumph of the Imperatrix (Legion Commander)	5$
Beast of Thunder (Storm Spirit)	5$
Ancestral Heritage (Jakiro)	2.5$

Dead Reckoning Chest

item	price
Dead Heat (lina)	10$
Spectral Hunter (antimage)	10$
Dying Light (dawnbreaker)	10$
Expired Gun (sniper)	10$
Death Adder (medusa)	10$
Soul Serpent (viper)	10$

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache

set name	hero	price
Shadowleaf Insurgent	hoodwink	15$
Chines of the Inquisitor	faceless void	12$
Spoils of the Shadowveil	Spectre	10$
Starlorn Adjudicator	dawnbreaker	10$
Trophies of the Hallowed Hunt	ursa	5$
Whippersnapper	snap fire	7.5$
Scarlet Subversion	riki	10$
Forgotten Station	terror blade	5$
Champion of the Fire Lotus	monkey king	5$
Hounds of Obsession	chen	5$
Crimson Dawn	pheonix	4$
Seadog's Stash	clockwerk	4$
Deathstitch Shaman	witch doctor	4$
Dirge Amplifier	undying	4$
Blue Horizons	marci	15$
Dark Behemoth	primal beast	30$

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache 2

set name	hero	price
Freeboot Fortunes	ogre magi	4$
Darkbrew's Transgression	alchemist	5$
Acrimonies of Obsession	vengful spirit	7$
Withering Pain	clinkz	4$
Sacred Chamber Guardian	huskar	5$
Feasts of Forever	nightstalker	5$
The Wilding Tiger	brewmaster	5$
Dawn of a Darkness Foretold	doom	5$
War Rig Eradicators	techies	5$
Grand Suppressor	silencer	7$
Transcendent Path	oracle	5$
Cursed Cryptbreaker	pudge	7$
Bird of Prey	legion commander	10$
Darkfeather Factioneer	phantom assassin	10$
Grudges of the Gallows Tree	treant protector	12$
Brands of the Reaper	anti mage	15$
Sublime Equilibrium	void spirit	30$

Nemestice Collector's Cache 2021

set name	hero	price
Twilight Hex	dark willow	20$
Litany of the Damned	doom	25$
Astral Terminus	enigma	20$
Caerulean Star	enchantress	15$
Arcane Inverter	gyrocopter	25$
Creed of the Skullhound	lycan	30$
Desert Bloom	nature's prophet	25$
Eyriebound Imperator	skywrath mage	20$
Anthozoan Assault	tiny	35$
Defender of the Brumal Crest	winter wyvern	25$
Red Sands Marauder	shadow shaman	35$

2019 cache sets

set name	hero	price
Echoes of the Everblack	abaddon	20
The Arts of Mortal Deception	enigma	10
Adornments of the Jade Emissary	earth spirit	25
Poacher's Bane	tide	15
Appetites of the Lizard King	slark	20
Forbidden Medicine	dazzle	15
Curse of the Creeping Vine	undying	15
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan	chen	10
Soul of the Brightshroud	deathprophet	10
Pursuit of the Ember Demons	husker	15
Riddle of the Hierophant	oracle	10
Paean of the Ink Dragon	grimstroke	10
Allure of the Faeshade Flower	dark willow	20
Glimmer of the Sacred Hunt	drow ranger	30
Defender of Ruin	disruptor	15
gothic whisper	phantom assassin	69

2020 cache sets

set name	hero	price
Origin of the Dark Oath	night stalker	25
ravenous abyss	underlord	20
abocalypse unbound	ancient apparittion	10
beholden of the banished ones	warlock	20
fury of the righteous storm	distruptor	10
mindless slaughter	pudge	15
heartless hunt	bounty hunter	15
herald of the ember eye	grimstroke	10
fissured flight	jakiro	10
flashpoint proselyte	husker	15
signs of the allfather	nature's prophet	15
songs of starfall glen	enchantress	5
Glory of the Elderflame	lina	25
Lineage of the Stormlords	juggernaut	25
Silent Slayer	silencer	20
ancient inheritance	tiny	25
forsworn legacy	mars	35
Blaze of Oblivion	phoenix	10
Beast of the Crimson Ring	bristleback	15
Talons of the Endless Storm	chaos knight	15
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler	arc warden	30
Horror from the Deep	tide hunter	20
Evolution of the Infinite	enigma	10
Clearcut Cavalier	timber saw	10
The King Of Thieves	keeper of the light	10
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade	rubick	10
Secrets of the Celestial	skywrath mage	10
Blacksail Cannoneer	sniper	10
Wrath of the Fallen	doom	10
Crown of Calaphas	shadowdemon	10
Master of the Searing Path	ember spirit	25
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber	templar assassin	20
Claszureme Incursion	faceless void	55

Aghanim's 2021 Collector's Cache

item name	hero	price
Silverwurm Sacrifice	dragon knight	30$
Scales Of The Shadow Walker	phantom lancer	10$
Perception of the First Light	dawnbreaker	10$
Apex Automated	clockwerk	10$
Test of the basilisk lord	Razor	15$
Secrets of the frost singularity	Ancient Apparition	5$
Perils of the red banks	Chen	5$
The chained scribe	Grimstroke	5$
Widow of the undermount gloom	Broodmother	10$
Forgotten fate	Mars	5$
March of the crackerjack mage	Rubick	10$
Stranger in the wandering isles	Drow Ranger	35$
Cosmic concoctioneers	Alchemist	10$
Days of the demons	Axe	25$
Blightfall	Abaddon	10$
Pyrexae polymorph perfected	ogre magi	15$
Wrath of the celestial sentinel	Chaos Knight	50$

old cache sets

set name	hero	price
Creeping Shadow	phantom assassin	around 90
Stormwrought Arbiter	sven	around 90
Submerged Hazard	tinker	around 90
Manta Marauder	bat rider	around 90
Stormwrought Arbiter	sven	around 90

Weathers. buy 3 and get 4th for free

the lowest of them is the free one

weathers can be traded now!!

weather	price
Ash	15$ 9$
Aurora	2$
Harvest	3$ 1$
Moonbeam	5$ 2.5$
Pestilence	3$ 1$
Rain	9$ 5$
Sirocco	3$ 1$
Spring	2$
Snow	5$ 2.5$

PS: even if you don't see an item in my inventory feel free to add me and ask about whatever item you're looking for

Generally, I think I am the most mid looking dude on earth. But since starting T I've not just been feeling more confident, I've been feeling actually more attractive too. And then since top surgery, every time I look at my chest I just go crazy. Like I recently rediscovered my tank top I wore post-op and I feel like I look so good in it. I'll take 50 selfies, fully feeling myself and then later I look back on them and there'll be 2 that are... Okayish. I also have an almost beard (midway between a neckbeard and a beard beard, it's trying its best) and a dirtstache that kinda lets the whole team down, yet somehow those also contribute to it?? It's like I don't understand that other people can't feel my gender euphoria ig. Or I confuse it with perceived attractiveness.
It's been almost a year since top surgery but every time I see my chest being flat I'm just like AAAAAA but I forget that no one else is going to think I'm attractive just because my chest is flat. It's literally just me. I do find it funny but I feel like it genuinely affects my ability to gauge how good I look because I'm like "yep, every girl will be going crazy over my... Flat chest. Which no other man on earth has, I'm sure". Cue me posting pictures, then deleting them when I realise I got 0 likes other than my grandma and I look like a clown.
I guess it's similar to dysphoria. When your dysphoria is high you feel like you look awful and even if you pass, you feel like you don't. So the opposite is feeling euphoric and therefore I must be the pinnacle of masculinity and everyone must think I am hot.
Please tell me I'm not the only one lol

I apologize if this question or other variations of it have been posted before, but I need to get this off my chest.
A little about myself: I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) in late 2022. Was given some meds to help and I admit it helped me tremendously with my GAD. However, my SAD is still very, very prevalent.
I would struggle to make new friends because I tend to be very shy and I can't carry a conversation even if my life depended on it, causing the convo to eventually fall flat. Add in the fact that I'm always worried about what the other person might think about what I say and...yeah.
I've tried many different methods, especially trying to talk to people about similar hobbies that we might have. For example, I'm into cosplay, even though I haven't cosplayed myself. I tried to interact with some cosplayers before but the interactions always seem so stiff because it usually starts with "Oh wow, I really like your cosplay !" and then I would get thanked and I would try to make conversation with them, only to get answers that make me feel they don't really want to talk to me further.
To top it all off, I'm not very good looking at all so that affects my self-esteem and confidence too. Currently, I'm trying to fix this by going to the gym.
I don't know, maybe I'm looking at this issue from a wrong angle or something but does anyone have any tips ? I would greatly appreciate it.

Where I live the heat and humidity can be brutal, and this year spring is already cooking. So how chuffed was I when Outlier sent me a ramielust tank to test. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been wearing it into the ground. I wanted to really test it, so I leaned into it a bit more than I generally would. At this point it’s seen eight full days of wear (and a cpl partial), has been washed five times, slept in, worked out in, dressed up (a bit), tugged on by a small child and a small-legged dog, and is still in one piece. I know this form, in this fabric, has been highly anticipated by many (myself included) - so here’s what I’ve got:

• Quick Stats:
  • I’m 5’10” (or so) and I’ve generally considered my “true size” to be L for Outlier, but have been sizing up lately and enjoying it. I took an XL for a loosebreezier fit in Lilac Mist. I likely will stick with XL however I think I could definitely wear L and fit would still be solid.
• Fabric
  
  • Ramie is a natural fiber, it’s old and it’s bast, if you’ve never encountered it before here’s a better description than I’m going to write: https://outlier.nyc/products/ramielustIn-hand
  • In-hand, this batch of ramielust is weighty and smooth, with a dull shine that almost makes it look slightly metallic (ramie-lustrous). The feel of it is like cooled silk. It can be counterintuitive to pull on a heavier (200gsm) fabric to head out into the heat, but in practice the fiber is always pulling heat away from you, while the openness of the fabric welcomes any breeze right through. Along with the weight comes drape that isn’t typical of lighter and stiffer summer fabrics – in motion the sway of the fabric is elegant and special, especially with the cut of the garment (more on that later). The shine of the fabric does become milder following the first wash, but I didn’t notice any significant change after the second or third wash, it’s still got a light gleam to it.
  • To be honest, I’ve been looking forward to this fabric, but I didn’t expect it to feel this nice having only ever tried the very first run of ramielust some time ago – I didn’t intend to wear it four days in a row. But I kept reaching for it in part just because I wanted to feel the fabric again.
• Fit + Form
  
  • The only Outlier tank I’ve tried prior to this was the Push/Pull Tank. Compared to that cut (in the same size), the Ramielust Tank is a much looser format. The neckline falls lower, and the chest/body is cut wider – it’s a much easier, more leisurely feel, and the ramielust weight makes the additional fabric really drip down and around you in the most lovely way.
  • The cut is open and refined. As with the push/pull tank, the straps are nice and broad, which matches nicely the width of the ramielust tank in the body; it’s substantial, loose, and breezy. When I first tried the tank on pre-wash I immediately thought it was too long, bunching around my hips, but after the first wash/dry the length felt perfect; not cropped, but flowing freely around my midsection when I moved. The fabric sort of leans against you a bit, instead of giving you a full on hug. Not prone to static, just luxurious wavy folds. I really hope this cut shows up more in the future.
• Items of Interest
  
  • Color + Transparency
    • The fabric is a bit transparent, but not too much - I have a lot of contrast between my skintone and tattoos, and I wasn’t able to easily see my tattoos through the fabric unless the light was pretty direct, and then only where the fabric was flat and close to my skin. The color is crazy, similar to the other lilacs Outlier has done, but with the added touch of the slightly metallic shine of the fabric. If you’re at all inclined toward this color (in tank or other format), you should go for it.
  • Shrinkage Etc.
    • I washed on delicate and dried on medium heat (despite the care instructions pleading to dry on low heat) for all five wash/dry passes. On first wash there was ~2” of shrinkage in length, and probably 0.5”-1” of shrinkage to width. The width, I think, released out a bit with wear but the cut is roomy enough that it wasn’t especially noticeable either way. The length also stretches back out a touch, mb 0.5" or so, I think it was calibrated with shrinkage in mind, as again for me the fit was better after losing length. The fabric always tightens up a touch after dry and then relaxes out quickly with wear, which has been true of prior ramielust runs. In comparison to the push/pull tank: I measured 24” across the ramielust tank after first wash/dry, and measured 20” across the push/pull tank which has taken the same wash/dry treatment. Length is similar btwn the two, with ramielust tank being about 1” shorter after wash.
  • Hand Feel vs. Prior Runs
    • The only other ramielust I’ve had was from the very first run, and I found it effective at dealing with heat but generally rough and a bit unfortunate in terms of texture. This ramielust is very different. I think it was described as “buttery” on live and that’s apt af. If you tried ramielust before and found it rough, you may be pleasantly surprised by how soft and welcoming this run is.
  • Twist
    • I mean, it exists. It’s not bad, but if you look for it, yea it’s there. If you’ve had ramielust before, it’s pretty much the same thing, either a dealbreaker for you or not. Twist has bothered me in the past but with the looseness and flow of this cut, you really have to be looking for it to notice it.
  • Durability
    • Not really a selling point for this fabric, but I was pleasantly surprised by how little battle damage I could find after multiple days of non-delicate wear. I found the fabric stretched out across the day a bit but with a wash/dry snapped back to regular form. I did find one small snag on the fabric, not sure where it came from (dogs).
  • Pet Hair
    • The secret metric for all Outlier fabrics: To what extent does it hold onto pet hair (or lint or whatever) - pleased to report that pet hair comes off of this fabric with little (relative) effort. Take the shirt off, give it a proper shake and a whip, and most of the fur will fall away.
  • Random Thoughts/Scenarios
    • Wearing under injex overshirts, I noticed that my skin was cooler where it was touching ramie vs. where it was touching injex
    • Wearing directly under a rain shell, same thing, felt much cooler where ramielust was touching me vs. the goretex-ish material (no surprise there)
    • Wearing as part of a semi-formal outfit works, I think, because of the very apparent quality of the fabric - both color and luster help give it an “elevated” look that can be pretty well dressed up, and Lilac Mist is nice against black.
    • Works pretty well as a workout shirt (especially in a small, hot garage with no airflow), handles sweat great, is still soft against the skin even with moisture in the mix; I did drag it against knurling a few times and didn’t find any abrasion damage. Not a replacement for a dedicated exercise shirt and isn’t meant to be, but in a hot and humid environment it’ll do the trick.
    • I did have a tiny hand, at one point, tug abruptly on a handful of the fabric, which caused an area to stretch out and bag slightly; a wash and dry snapped it back to normal
• My Feelings
  
  • In the end, my feelings are that this form is the highest and best use for the ramielust fabric (yet). This tank makes me feel protected and unrestricted out in the heat. It keeps me comfortable, it’s easy. I have to look for reasons not to wear it, and I’m running out of them.
• Pictures
  
  • https://imgur.com/gallery/ramielust-tank-pk02Sv5

I'm still a teenager..Still trying to find my way into a good highschool, I go to an all girls school, the first arrival was when I came for 6th grade two years ago, I was a skinny, scrawny girl in a school with thick, big boobs, and nice curvy girls. They shamed me for my body and it started my insecurities about my body and how flat in the chest I was compared to them, I had began an eating disorder...Over eating just to gain weight...I wore dresses to show my curves more since I had an hourglass figure.. it just wasn't a slim thick type. I was an easy girl, looking for attention and gullible and unfortunately I'm still struggling with my over sexualization of myself, I wasn't girly at all, and my uniform usually looked 'ugly' on me because of my flat body..So when the summer came I tried showing off and eating as much as possible, I didn't understand why my body was so flat, my mom was thick, busty, yet my dad was tall and had a high metabolism...You think it would put me in the middle, but no..I was very insecure.. editing myself in pictures and stuffing my bras, crying to myself and trying to get with anyone just so they would give me attention, I usually got that wanted attention from older men, 20 year olds...And I liked it, i knew it was wrong but didn't care, I liked older men because it helped me with my trauma. When 7th grade started, I was thicker, not all the way but I had thicker thighs and a plumpy ass, yet my tits were still small, I tried to ignore it but I hear songs, see posts and hear people talking about how they only want a girl with big tits... I was still slim and hard when People called me skinny, it hurt me a lot..I also started getting more desperate as my mom wouldn't let me go outside AT ALL, so whenever I saw a boy, I'd lose my mind and start crying wishing they would be with me, my mom said that how desperate I was, it was very unattractive. But I couldn't help it...My anxiety got worse, everything was getting worse..I keep trying to make my breasts grow, I understand people with big breasts have struggles and I'm sorry, It sucks, I know, my mom talks about it..But I just want them so badly, My mom makes it worse she talks about how I always wear jackets because of how insecure I am, I even would stuff my pants with bras just to have a bigger ass, I hate having to see other people with bigger hips, blessing body's ALL OVER MY SCHOOL, and I understand that comes with struggles too, but I can't help but ache for it...I'm going to 8th grade, and my insecurities just get worse...What do I do?!. I already read other people's posts about their body but nothing helps...I just want to sit in a corner to cry..This shit sucks.

so my boyfriend (17M) is best friends with this guy (17M) who has a girlfriend (17F). the guy posted his gf on his story and i found texts of my boyfriend sliding up on the story to say, “show us what we really wanna see” (referring to her tits/nudes.) then the guy starts laughing and says “She hasn’t even sent me them yet.” and my boyfriend replied, “well when you get them, forward them to me” and they were both just laughing in the texts.
this really made me feel horrible especially because my boyfriend has made fun of me calling me flat-chested, and this guy’s girlfriend has huge tits (respectfully). so does that exchange count as cheating? even if it could be a joke? idk if i’m being dramatic

Just got the game and put in about four hours on a Full Sync run with a single death in between. Was being very ambitious thinking I could go about parrying guards and got my ass beat in two seconds flat. Lesson learned, absolutely no more open combat.
Any other tips for someone playing Full Sync blind? Should I do the contracts given by the Harbiyah Bureau first or should I pursue the main investigation? Are there any missions that force combat?
I did do the contract that has you steal the mirror because I wanted the tool upgrade and it was an absolute trip going through the place as a ghost like the contract demands. Heart was beating out of my chest but I felt like a God when I managed it!

Hey all. Been having regular pains in my lower left abdomen area for about a month and a half now and not entirely sure why. I've been browsing the forums of various gut diseases on reddit, and figured I'd post on one to see what you all think.
32M, 6'0', 185 pounds. Non-smoker, casual drinker. Run 1-3 times a week. No regular medications or big surgeries in my past. I drink at least 3-4L water a day.
Other symptoms include:
-lots of gas, mostly burping but a little more farting too
-occasional sharp pains higher up on my left side at the chest area, but not as frequent as the abdomen pains
-Pain flares up more often when I'm sitting down, or lying on my right side in bed. Have resorted to lying flat on my belly in order to not experience pain in bed at night.
-unclear how much diet affects it. I had quite a few beers on Saturday and was in more intense pain throughout the night. However, I've had soda and 2-3 beers at one time before and it didn't seem to affect my pain.
I do have one theory as to what happened. Around the same time these symptoms started, I had started using Crest whitening strips on my teeth for about 30 minutes a day. I suspect I was accidentally swallowing a ton of the bleach in those things, since I produce a lot of saliva. I used them for about 3-4 days before I realized there might be a connection and I haven't used them since. However, the symptoms continued.
Went to a primary care doctor, who was doubtful of the strips being the cause. He pressed on my stomach but I felt no pain there. Blood work says liver, kidney, and thyroid are all clear. Doctor suggested it might be diverticulosis based on my description of my symptoms.
Also strange, but good, is my urine and stool samples are unaffected. I'm having no problems there. I do have quite an active bladder and have to go to the bathroom quite a bit, but that's been going on for years. The lack of any other symptoms like diarrhea, vomiting, etc., makes me think it's not an actual condition and just trapped gas.
Any ideas or next steps? Could the strips really do that much damage to my insides, or am I crazy?
I understand changing my diet may solve these issues, but I'd like to confirm that I have to do that and see if there are medications I can take to even avoid doing that. What's really strange is how sudden these symptoms came on, which makes me think the strips are part of the problem, but maybe my gut just finally said enough's enough.
I have a follow-up with my primary care doctor in a few days.

In less than two weeks I will get my breast augmentation and I am SO excited for it. It's been a very long time coming and I am finally in a place financially where I can afford this. I'm very slim and tall, and completely flat on the chest, so l am going from an AA, to a full B (250cc). I am suprisingly more anxious about how people will react than about the surgery itself. I have slight social anxiety so I am always thinking about what the next negative thing people will say about me. I have a few followers on social media and I am thinking about making some sort of... announcement? Like a hint in a caption or something? I would never ever want people to think I am acting like these are my natural breasts. I want to be fully open about it because it's 2024 and little girls shouldn't be told that these bodies are always natural. I don't want to be posting bikini photos this summer with people knowing I got a boob job and thinking I'm trying to be slick about it. So l'd love to hear what people who have gone through this have to say! Should I say something, if so, what?

Now that I’m in my mid 20’s I been experiencing a lot of harassment and it has gotten to the point where I can’t control myself no longer. I feel so mentally exhausted and numb after interactions with these men. I want to scream and cry because no one in my family stands up for me. They typically tell me to hush and keep quiet and to ignore the offenders. Or once I was blamed that I instigated the man first for him to react the way he did on me. I’m at the point where I want to wrap my chest to make it flat as possible or just grab a kitchen knife and slice them off bec I can’t afford a reduction in my country. I tried looking into Turkey but plane tickets are insane and they say I will have to stay for about 8 days which will cost about same after all costs considered.
Last week we hired an electrician who we had worked with for years and today him and I were texting about when he should come over bec he missed his appointment. After 1 hour of ending our conversation he WhatsApps me an explicit pornographic picture then deletes it after I see it. If you use WhatsApp you know how many times you have to click separate things to send someone a picture. I was in utter shock and anger and told him straight up I want a discount. He then sends a 2nd picture that prohibits you to screenshot saying to call him when I’m free. It’s been a couple hours and I’ve been ghosting him but he’s still randomly messaging me. For your knowledge I asked for a $500 discount He has my dad’s number and it’s his home where the electrician will be working so he should be contacting him not me in first place. I think he’s scared of me telling my dad and the consequences that will follow bec I did not act in his way. It’s been 3 hours and he won’t stop messaging me. He now left a voice message and it’s of the most random-ist thing ever.
Also it seems fair to mention he and his father-in-law has worked simultaneously at my property, and I have met his wife. Yes, his wife who is so beautiful and kind. His father-in-law is very traditional and intimidating man. I want to tell his wife on what happened but my friends are saying what if I am overreacting and it was a mistake. I really don’t feel it based on his messages following the picture but please comment on what I should do. No I do not have to balls to tell my dad he send me that picture, we are very conservative

Okay, fourth rewrite, I'm making this in hopes that their is someone who can help me in some way. Maybe someone knows the answer to it all and can guide me, though unlikely. I'll just list out all my issues in seperate paragraphs and hopefully their is just someone out their to help, if you can help me just please do, I really need help or at least someone and you reading this and giving me advice would truly mean a lot to me. Anyways
I feel stupid: I honestly feel braindead, I hate my mind so much. Sometimes it's hard to think or do, sometimes I can't think or do. My mind is so numb, everything about my mind just feels wrong and dead. My mind has felt dead for a year or two now and I just wish it was alive, I want my mind to be normol, I want it to actually work. I also want confidence in my mind, any failure or lack of underatanding makes me defeated and feeling like a dunce. Anything I can do I say was just luck or something anyone should know. I don't know if I'm stupid or not but dam I feel like I am the dumbest in a room. I would give it all to be intelliegent, I wish I was smart, well read, well informed, well versed. I so desperately want to know, so desperately want to be smart. I wish I could understand stuff. I just want to be smart and have a bright alive mind, but my mind is so dead and desolate and compared to the rest worthless. I hit myself in my head whenever I'm mistaken or just feel so stupid, and I honestly deserve it. If I were to kill myself my mind being numb and stupid would be the reason or a big reason why, I just want to be smart. You can likely tell just how much of an idiot I am by reading this via grammer, spelling, complaints. That "likely" was meant to be "probaboly" but I'm just stupid and worthless to spell. If there was just a way to be smart and not such a moron, I fucking hate my life.
I have body issues: I without doubt have body issues, the biggest of which is my weight. As of now I am 5,9 (1.7M) and 211lbs (95.7KG), I was 246lbs (111kg) to begin with and it was also my heaviest. Despite losing a good amount of weight I am not happy and have no pride, I'm still fat and thats all I see sadly. I don't want to be fat or skinny, I want to be muscular:big arms, built chest, flat stomach, no abs (don't like them) that sounds appealing, it's what I want. Unfourtunely I as of now can't work to this goal, I don't have money for a gym or equipment, famliy funds can't do it ethier and awhile ago I turned down a weight bench since I wasn't confident, now I regret that choice. I hate being fat so much, and this deep hatred and desperation has led to a embarassing cycle, for two years now I have been downloading images of muscular bodies. They're all drawings or from videogames since I'm to embarresed to have real images and as mentioned it's a cycle, Download and store -> have them and look at them for awhile -> get ashamed of myself -> purge it all -> regret -> repeat. Like stated this has been going for two years and as of now I have ten different images. Apart from weight I also have some other physical insecurites, acne being a big one. I been suffering from acne for years, fifth grade, early sixth grade is when it started so five years of this. It mostly effects my chin and cheeks badly but also effects more of my face, sometimes the acne hurts and it often even bleeds. I hate touching my face and feeling grime and ripping off a bunch of skin and dried shit. I wash every night and try to be frequent with morning witch-hazel but it dosen't relent. I also hate it when it gets mentioned, it is irratating to be reminded and noticed and nobody points it out more then my own mom who also cliams it would go if I just washed. I do, I fucking do! It's not working and you don't understand that! I also have body acne I don't know how to fix, I like sleeping shirtless which I know is the reason, also inconsistent with bedding which isn't right. Even if I did wash sheets weekly it wouldn't be enough, I would still get acne on my body. I just want to sleep shirtless and not get acne, I wish I could find a way. Another insecurite but not really is my height, I don't mind being 5'9/5'10 I mean it's about average height and I beat out my 5'4 father. But I'm sixteen which mean I still have possibilty to get taller and I wonder, will I? If I do, just how tall? Could I reach 6'0+? All of this speculation makes me a bit insecure, also with being fat I look short and round in the mirror which is defeating. I'm secure besides speculation and weight but at the same time I truly want to be taller, I think any man tall or short wishes they were taller, I wish I could break 6'0 that would be cool (to me). But I don't think that will ever happen, my dad is 5'4, my mom is 5'6 I made it 5'9/5'10 and my chart is stagnating, should just stop thinking I'll get taller. Another phsyical insecurite and likely the last one I'll mention unless I think of another worthwhile one is my hair, I'm insecurie of my hairstyle. Or lack of hairstyle, my mom says I have independence in this choice but whenever I make a choice she complains about it. Any agreement is one sided or changed up a little so she likes it. I have always hated my hairstyles over the years, even now and as of now it's ethier her way or a unorgainzied thick mess that will soon be her way. I hate it, wish I could make my own "independent" choice, even if I could my mom would likely hate it and always bring it up which is something I don't want to deal with. My mom is more for short cuts and fades etc, I hate fades and while I do admire short hair have always taken liking to shagger and longer styles, more rugged style. I have also always liked long hair and even wanted it. I used to openly want long hair for a long time but my mom opposed, I tried to convince her but she was opposed. She wasn't only opposed to it she made sure to express that it was gay and feminine etc, etc. She made me close off and forgot the desire but even now she won't let go. She is so sure to tell everyone: famliy, her friends, the hairdresser, hell maybe even strangers, she tells everyone about how much I wanted it and what she thought of it etc. Often I have been embarresed like this while I was right there, I have expressed that this embarreses me and want it to stop mutiple times yet she'll continue almost as if it's purposeful, she will also bring up an old friend T who had long hair as an example of it looking bad. But he didn't take care of it or do anything, most he would do is give into his moms begging and have her brush it. If I had long hair I would actually take care of it and do stuff to it! She also claims I got the idea from him, but no I liked it since elementary being inspired by personal inkling and rock. I no longer want hair but am starting to find styles I really like, but first I need to get my mom to fuck off. And second I would want to grow a beard, which is another issue of mine. I'm sixteen I shouldn't expect a full beard but I have seen peers with actual good facial hair, patchy beards, five o'clocks, some actually have a beard. Then there is me, with some sideburns and a bunch of peachfuzz, I want to be able to grow a beard and the peachfuzz plus sideburns bother me, I want it to actually devlop, I want a beard. I am also worried about devlopment, worried acne will hurt or even stop growth. I'm upset about my lack of growth though I definetly have unrealistic expectations. Lastly with hair is my chest hair, I'm quite hairy and I like it. And I have chest hair but barely and I just wish I had more over a greater coverage, more of a funny insecurite, lol. One more insecurity I forgot about is my voice. I'm loud when talking and my voice isn't as deep as I wish so that sucks.
(copy and paste from older write) I wish I had a father: I don't have a father or any form of father figure, I'm fatherless and it hurts a lot. My father has been out of my life since I was elevenish/twelveish (the peak of covid passed), we kicked him out because he is and was a meth addict in and out of the jail. He was a fuctioning addict so not violent and not as obvious of an addict but the meth still took him over. My mother says she kept him around and gave him so many chances because she wanted him to be in my life as a father. But he was no father when he was around, he didn't parent me, he didn't play his role as a father and guide as a masculine role model, hell he likely didn't even truly care for me. My only memories of him really are going to McDonold's with him, after which he dumpster dived behind the plaza as I begged for us to go back home. Or me wanting to bond with him so he sets up the brilliant idea of dragging me around with his skechy friends, to skechy places, even at skechy times. I don't understand why I knew sooner, guess I was a stupid basterd but I started picking up that my dad was a bad person around fifth grade. By then I quickly found out more and more and tenstion was growing, by eleven we we're going to kick him out but covid struck it's height and our household seemed palpable. But very quickly we said fuck it and threw him to the curb, we weren't going to have it no longer. Soon after around thirteen I was happy that he was gone but slightly disappointed that I no longer had a father (even if he was useless) and I hoped my mom would find someone, not only for herself but for me. By fourteen this really layed in heavy on me and the lack of a father really bummed me out, I got really stupid and desperate using bitlife to create guys then add me and my mom in to create step father famlies even adding step siblings and shit. By late fourteen it was made clear to me by my mom that "we don't need no man" and that she was done with dating. I very well do need a father figure, every child needs one. Hell I as a guy truly need(ed) one, there are so many lessons and things that come from a fatheson relationship that are crucial to a boy and I missed out on them. Hell even when my dad was around I missed out on lessons, I still remember he was tasked to teach me how to tie my shoes but got mad at me struggling and walked away. He refused to help afterward and I refused to try and never to this day learned the proper way to tie, instead I have my own far less efficent method. I missed out on so much by not having a father and it hurts to know that and I just wish I had the knowledge, without a masculine role model I have definetly missed out what it is to be a man and likely am even a loser of a man. I just want a father so badly, I want what a father provides so badly, I want the bond that it comes with. I wish I just had a guy to talk to and bond with, I want a dad just so badly. I wish I had someone who taught me how to change a tire or fish and all that shit, but I'll never have it and it angers me, I am angry to be fatherless, I am angry and lost without a father figure, and I'm jealous. I kind of want to have children when the time comes, I wonder if I'll fail them as well.
Friends: Growing up I was always a bit introverted, I think it was of my nature but was amplafied by life. In elementary I often acquainted myself with people never having any close friends outside my after school program. Jumping to middle school I had a good friend-group but it turned out my good friend T was really an ass and I was pushed out by him in early nineth grade. Later in nineth I met my good friend, my best friend M. This year in tenth I was introduced to a friend named D by M. These are my only two friends and I'm happy with them, though there are a few issues. Not anything major but just a few things, like how we never do anything outside of school. The only thing I really miss about my old friendgroup is that we actually did shit: springs, houses, events, parks, attractions, food. Now me, M and, D don't and have never done anything outside of school and the computer. M likely couldn't do anything because of his famliy and D just seems completely disinterested and worried about money. But I wish we could really do something, sure videogames are fun but it would be fun if we could just goof off somewhere, be stupid. This is really the only general "issue" apart from that no major strain or issue in the friendgroup. But I do have a few personal grievences, starting with D. I think D has a darker side of him, he seems to not respect or care for me and will sometimes show it in nasty ways. He had told both me and M to kill ourselves, he attacks insecurites, he says rude shit, etc. Also with D, we have never truly connected, never gotten to know each other personally. Without M we would be mere acquaintance, M is the only reason why me and D are friends and being alone with each other is mostly silence and maybe him showing me a TikTok. Then M, I have no personal issues with M only small factors of our friendship I'm upset or worried about. Starting off with is school, halfway through this year (tenth) M started a FLVS-hybrid. I am happy for him and it's something we both expressed wanting but now I never really see him. I could see him at lunch but he dosen't really come in and only other time I can see him is leaving campus. I ethier catch him and barely have a conversation worthwhile or he's to far ahead and I got to give up trying to reach him. The only way to talk to my best friend nowadays really is Discord, and that isn't even reliable since his parents are often controlling the WI-FI or taking his stuff away. This means when I do talk to my friend it can suddenly be ended as he disconnects or I can't even. This sucks, it feels like I can't even talk to my best friend that much. But that isn't all, because I'm worried for my friend M. His parents don't sound the best from all he's told me, I won't share his issues but just as an example he didn't have a bedroom for two months. Hearing what we gose through is alreadly dishearting but something that I worry deeply about is him talking sucide. He has talked and half joked about it several times and it's worry, I been trying to discourage but he continues with it so now I'm just trying to ignore it. That is likely the wrong way of handling it but I just don't know what to do. I hope it's always bluff and he moves out and moves on with he can, I don't want him to kill himself.
I'm lonely: I'm sixteen but I'm lonely. I am the only one of my friends who hasn't had a relationship, I am not the most worried about that, I don't want to date just to date, I want to date to love. But hell I still wish I had a relationship, even just a sterotypical high-school one. But what I truly want is true love, I want a woman I love with all my heart and a woman who loves me with all of hers, I want a woman to provide for, to protect, to matter to. I want to marry and possibly have kids. I want to love someone, be there for someone. But will I ever even have that? I'm alreadly a loser who no woman would want and even then from what I've heard, "modren dating is terrible" so what chance do I even have? Will I ever have someone to love? I hope.
School: School makes me so misereble and dead, this place makes me genuinely want to off myself I hate it so much. And it seems to revolve around my whole life, even at home it's all my mom wants to bring up. I just need a break from it all but it seems like it's the only thing in my life, I don't really have anything else. I failed my nineth grade year, I failed since I'm a stupid, worthless peice of shit. But they "passed" me onto tenth, gave me tenth grade classes, test, etc but say I'm still nineth, tell me do nineth grade "remedation" online. Now I'm failing like a worthless peice of shit once again! I wish they held me back to try again but they didn't they just pushed me on, still likely would've failed like a worthless bitch but I could have had a chance. I fucking hate myself I'm so stupid and I hate my school for pushing my stupid ass onward and onward, I should just kill myself at this point. And when I try to reach out to my counselor in any hope for some chance of help the piss poor communcation at this school means it'll take days for a response, I can't even get reliable help over school. Back in middle school I had a GPA in the high 3s, I made honor roll every other quater or so, I had high grades and sucess. But in high-school, in nineth grade I failed with straight Fs and got a GPA of 0.7, now in tenth I have a 1.7 and sometimes get high grades but mostly fail. I just wish I wasn't so stupid, I just wish I was smart and successful at school. But I'm not, I'm a fucking idiot and an embarssment at school. And maybe it would all be okay if it wasn't for the assholes I am surrounded by, my fellow peers of this overcrowded hell hole. Just seems like I can never catch a break with having to deal with people. I just want to be left alone but they're is just always somebody wanting to bother me, harass me. Can sit at a desk then have a bunch of cunts around me, harass me, call me burgundy because of my shirt. Can sit down and be snickered at by the guys in front of me for whatever reason. Sit down and have paper, pencils, even ice hitting me. Sit down and have some imbecible pull up a chair and use my desk as his and block me in my seat because fuck me, am I right? Just want to be left alone but never am, nobody ever dose it's always something. I can't even get respect, not a single bit, just always mistreated. Hell just the other day when I was given my packet I was also mistakenly given the packet of a nearby girl, I get her attention and hand it to her and she just snaches it and mumbles something, because I can't even be respected, I'm worthless. And even when I'm not being directly bothered I got to deal with slow walkers, idiots who don't know how to inconvience everyone else in the halls, the over crowded school. It all fucking sucks I hate it all, everyday I think I'm on the verge of snapping but somehow just have more patience, I don't know how much more of this shit I can or have to endure. At least my mom finally reconsidered my old forgotten pleads for online school and reopened the idea, maybe by some miracle online school will save me and "help me get caught up and ahead" but I doubt it, I'm an idiot who deserves to die. Why am I so fucking stupid, why am I like this? Why must I exist this way?
No hobbies or interest: I used to love a lot of things: reading, history, coming up with things in my head, videogames and, anything really. Now I have grown apathic to it all except videogames and even that dosen't bring much joy. I want to have my old hobbies back but lack the will to return. And I want new hobbies but yet lack will but also lacking knowing what I want to try. I'm lost with my freetime, it's all bleek and I want to fill my life with pastion. I still love videogames, always will but I need more then just gaming, I want more then gaming. I just want something, anything. I don't want to have such a lack of interest, God I fucking hate my life.
I have no future career goals: I'm sixteen and have no idea on what I want to do as an adult, some may say thats okay but it's not, not for me at least. I want to have a goal in the adult world, and even if that goal led to a path I don't like then I can always go down another path. Despite having no idea on what to do I at least know I don't want to be in an office. I could handle an office job, and be content with an office job but an office job isn't me, it isn't what sounds interesting, I would likely do blue collar or be my own boss. Some jobs I've considered and would do still are: police, SWAT police, house flipper, 911 operator, port worker, mechanic or something tinkeassemble like, enterpuner my book, film and games ideas or, open a store or bar or something. These are some jobs I've considered in the past that I would still see myself doing, I have also pondered over military/reserve but not sure. My childhood dream career that I still have a desire for is SWAT but I don't think I have what it takes, in fact I don't think I have what it takes for anything. I think all my life is destined to is dying homeless on a street corner, it's all I'll ever be "worthless".
I had so much planned, now failed: At age fourteen I planned to by now have a license, a job, a banking account, start savings. I planned to lose weight, I planned to have an idea outside of school, I had a plan. But I'm just a worthless peice of shit and a failure to myself, I don't even have a permit, no job, no savings, still fat, have no idea about the future, I failed myself.
Fidgeting: I can't stop but want to, at school I can't help but twiral a pencil around. I do it all the time at school but been trying to stop, I hate doing it. Worst part is I'm being immated by worthless cunts by it which is annoying. I want to stop this.
Masterbation addiction: I have a severe and low life addiction to masterbation. I do it at least once a day and sometimes mutiple times a day. The longest I was ever able to refrain was just a little over a week and only failed because I got bored. I need to jerk it to be able to sleep unless I'm desperately tired but even then. Also since I "need" it to sleep I regulary soil my sweatpants then sleep in it which is nasty. I can't control this vice, this low appetite and I'm deeply unhappy about it. Also unhappy that I might be ruining my endurence, a bit TMI but just another reason why this is harmful. I want to refrain or atleast drasticly cut out this pratice and fix myself.
I likely have more issues eating me inside as I waste away as a shell of a person but I can't really think of them. I am told my mom is looking into thearpy so that might be nice. Please just help me, I'm so lost and broken, I sometimes consider just ending it all but I just hope it can get good.

Hey Breasties - I'm leaning in here to get some support as I'm struggling. Was diagnosed with high grade widespread DCIS 2/5, had UMX on affected left breast (didn't want to wait for plastics to coordinated the surgery months out, so just had cancerous side removed.) Pathology showed dirty margins, so I was able to get back into the surgery queue for 4/29 - resection of left cancer side to get clear margins (which did come back clear), removed right breast prophylactically, put in tissue expanders on both sides.
I suffered through the first 10 days post-op (so much pain, so hard to sleep or be comfortable awake), then developed a ranging infection in the left side which had been resected, so lots of trauma to this breast area.
Went into the ER Friday night of Mother's Day Weekend, was admitted, IV antibiotics to try and rebound from infection - no dice - went into surgery Saturday afternoon to have the expander removed and tissues flushed out. I had to make the decision on the spot whether or not to go totally flat and wait 8-12 in line for diep flap, or keep the right expander and try again. I went with keep the right expander and hope for the best with implants.
So that's three surgeries in 8.5 weeks.
My plastic surgeon explained that I could start doing fills on the right (tomorrow would be the first, my expanders were place flat with no saline because I didn't have room), get right breast where I want it over three months, which is how long I'll have to wait before getting a new left TE, but they could put in my permanent right implant when they place the left expander. Then I'd have lefty filed over...however many weeks to match the right, then a final exchange for implant on the left.
I'm pretty devastated to be lopsided again....and through the summer with swimsuit season and my 25th wedding anniversary (I was hoping we'd perhaps vacation somewhere warm). But now...argh. Just feel so deflated (bc comedy) to be uniboobed again...as long as I have no other infections or issues, this cancer will include 6 surgeries, plus I have a bonus hysterectomy to schedule amidst all the plastic surgeries. If I want nipples, add one more surgery. (that's 8 surgeries)
I'm self-employed - writer, coach, musician - but am not holding it together very well. Trying to coach people when you're falling apart is tough.
I'm interested in hearing from anyone who has made it to the other side through TE infections to a completed chest they like with implants (or did you give up on TE>implants and go with Diep Flap). I'm just now hearing about the 25% failure rate of TE> Implants. Somehow I missed that before going for it.
I'm listening...

I've found a few but I don't know which one is the ideal. I'm looking for one that flat out skips the mini game (including legendary fish) and can somewhat reiably get me the chests. Is it one of the mods bellow or is it some other one?
https://www.nexusmods.com/stardewvalley/mods/5815
https://www.nexusmods.com/stardewvalley/mods/3623
https://www.nexusmods.com/stardewvalley/mods/2697

I used to have a lot larger breasts.
Then when I was around 14 I got an eating disorder and my breasts became a lot smaller.
I’ve struggled with eating on and off over the past 7 years since, but now I am the same weight that I was when all this started.
But my breasts are still very small, I look flat chested compared to what I used to look like. They were even referred to as large, but now they’re just kinda gone.
Is it true that fat can never redistribute like it did before a starvation period?

Proof: https://imgur.com/gallery/lkLKIZr
As the title says, I'm looking to sell:
-20 pieces of 80% Canadian silver (halves)
-2 Britannias (Really Milky)
-2 1/10oz .999 Silver Units

• one empty tube to put the halves in.

All for the flat amount of $300 SHIPPED (I haven't done the math, but it seems fair to me!) i'm looking toliquidate my stack to buy my mother a late mother's day gift.
Willing to ship immediately to established buyers. Continental US Only.
Payment Methods: Venmo/CashApp/BTC/ETH

Hi, I need to solder a connector on my pixel ring. Would the flat connectors in the picture work or should I look for something specific for this kind of job?
https://imgur.com/gallery/soldering-connectors-WtPuzUD
​