I was about 2 days in and relapsed. I know days don't really matter I just need help. May you guys pray for me? I also need advice. I almost always use the same prayer when I relapse. I have never been good at prayer and Would like you guys to give me advice on what I should say. I Really am trying to use these mistakes as good, and turn it into a better relationship with God. I just need to focus, because winning the battle within myself is the biggest battle there is. May you please pray for me? (My name is Max) I am trying to just stop thinking about this stuff and focus on the girl I find cute. I know I shouldn't try and tempt myself with women and stuff, but women can also be a good motivation. I can try and say to myself what would she think of me if she found out about me masturbating and stuff. Anyway I would love for you guys to pray for me and give me advice. I've been trying to delete social media such as Reddit itself (but I don't know the password and or email so I am basically stuck for now) I don't really get tempted on Reddit though anyway) Then there is snapchat, I have already deleted that and it should be permanently deleted soon. I know I have made some serious progress from when I started 4 years ago. I am now 19 turning 20. I know I have gone through these 4 years of struggle and temptation, but now I need to overcome these for God. I need to put my life fourth for God and God alone.

He sexually assaulted me so i sent him a list of insults and blocked him.
was it justified to insult him?
i also called him a pervert and said "what you call a fasion sense is the equivalent of thinking cockroaches are cute"
like he did something awful but was it bad enough to be justified to insult him or am i just mean?
edit:
this is what i said:
"you know what?
im gonna delete your number. fuck this. the temptation to text you insults is growing stronger every fucking day and i dont want to turn into an abusive bitch.
so im gonna get it out now so it wont come out later.
your hair looks like a rotten soggy tomato (like seriously what the FUCK were you thinking when you dyed it bruh)
you are a fucking peuvert
youre a maggot that shouldve been aborted
you are the manifestation of a discord mod
youre so fucking annoying
You're proof that constant masturbation doesn't burn calories.
That perfume aint covering shit up you still smell like shit
what you call a fasion sense is the equivalent of thinking cockroaches are cute
fuck you
fuck you
FUCK. YOU.
this is why we talk about you when youre not around :D
i hope you suffer. and knowing you, you are. and im enjoying every minute of your pain.
btw dont talk to me irl abt this. not gonna discuss shit with you.
you know, i dont get mad a lot. but when i get mad, i get furious. maybe (name) was right when he said im scary when im mad.
dont approach me or I'll rip your dick off.
imma gonna leave you alone now. bye forever, bitch."

During the course of my career as an alpha Sasquatch hunting, Dogman destroying, pussy crushing, luxury watch loving dude, I have run into this particular woman a few times. She is one part uber sensuality, and the other part deadly. Yes, I am speaking about the lovely, Anna Conda. I bring her up because I had another run-in with her last year.

Anna and I first joined forces, so to speak, when she acted as a go-between in my business deal with the Chinese to sell them bigfoot parts. See, I would hunt and kill the critters, cut them up, deliver the parts to Anna, who in turn gave me a suitcase containing unmarked American hundred-dollar bills, then she would transport the bigfoot parts to the Chinese. I was never really sure of what the sneaky-ass Chinese were doing with the body parts. All I knew for sure is that they are extracting certain materials from them, then synthesizing them with some other shit, creating some sort of drug. Whether it then becomes a bio-weapon or a dick stimulant, I do not know. Neither do I care. As long as they kept the hundies coming, I was good.

Now, while Anna is of Russian descent, she is a freelancer. She will work for any sick, skeevy motherfucker out there. She does not care. She has no conscience, at least not in the traditional sense as we understand it in western civilization. Today she is working for the Chinese, and tomorrow she may be working for Hamas. She is a slippery motherfucker.

So here is how it went down. At 11:32 p.m. on a Friday in September of last year I get a call on my cell phone. When the call came in I was balls deep into this hot little lass I picked up at the bus station a little earlier in the evening from an old swarthy chap named “Colorado Joe”. He wanted to sell me the girl. I was assured she was over 20 years old. I told him I needed to take her out for a test ride, which he agreed to.

So, there I was, balls deep in “Bing Bang Yun”, and my phone rings. Of course, I silence all incoming calls not in my contacts list. Thus, I knew that I must know the caller. In mid stroke I reached over to the nightstand to retrieve my cell and looked at it. It was a call from “Sergio”. I thought, “Oh shit…. I am going to have to cut the Oriental bang circus short.” When Sergio calls, I have to respond…immediately. He has the best blow on the east coast!!

“Hey, Serge! What’s up?”, I asked. All he said was, “Hooters. 2:00 a.m.”, then hung up. This was obviously the rendezvous for the transaction. Now, understand that Serge was not talking about the chicken wing restaurant. Hooters was code, in case the feds were listening in on the line. “Hooters” meant the titty bar out on Highway 69 called “The Plump Rump”. We had a communications code we used.

It was a long haul to the titty bar, so I needed to get moving. I had no time to return the girl to Colorado Joe, so I took her with me. I had her blow me on the way to the meeting with Sergio, telling her that her performance would make the difference on whether I save her from Joe or not. Of course, after she was done I tossed her out of my speeding truck and down, over the bridge, and into the Wendigo River below. I did not need any complications in my life right now.

I arrived at The Plump Rump at 2:00 a.m. on the dot. I saw the manager, Lou Skunt, sitting at the bar when I walked inside. I nodded. He walked over and said to me, “Use my office for the meeting The parties are already in there waiting for you.” I nodded and then headed to Lou’s office. Then it hit me: Lou said the “PARTIES” are already here. That is, parties, meaning more than one person. It was not just Sergio. It was 2 or more people! Lou was probably in for a cut of whatever was about to go down.

Something was bad fucked up!! I know for a fact that Sergio never brings anyone with him on a deal, at least not with me. He is too distrustful of people to do that, and too fucking mean to need protection. Something was wrong. I was just as likely to get whacked when I enter Lou’s office as anything else. I needed a moment to think things through.

I took a spot in front of one of the performance poles to watch a young, swarthy Mexican lass perform. My mind quickly strayed from the problem at hand to this brown chick’s ass and tits. She was not a great looking chick, but her body was smoking!! I quickly became aroused. I thought to myself, “Goddamn Asian bitches!! They are just like Chinese food – after 2 hours you are ready for some more!!”

When the little Mexican chick went on break I motioned her over to my table. “Hola Senior!!”, she said. I pulled out a clear plastic baggie of blow and dropped it on the table. Her eyes grew wide and slobber starting falling from her mouth. Blow is like catnip for strippers. Thus, she fell under my spell immediately.

The next thing I know, this brown girl was on my lap, dry humping me like a feral bitch dog in heat. I had to bang her. I NEEDED to see my wang penetrating her. Just then, someone taps my shoulder hard. I look up to see Lou standing over me. He bent down and said, “Did you forget about my office, asshole?!?!?!” I replied, “Damn, Lou!! You read my mind!!!” I arose, with the little Mexican bolted onto my mid-section, and hastily retreated to Lou’s office. I figured Lou would prefer me to stain this chick in private rather than out in the open.

The door to the office opened easily. The lights were on inside. In a lustful haze, I set the little Mexican chick on her back across Lou’s desk and started pumping the shit out of her, completely unaware of the others in the room with us. In a moment I heard someone call my name. I twist my neck around to see Sergio sitting on Lou’s jizz crusted couch. I think to myself, “Oh shit! I forgot about that shit!”

I figured I would just move forward with the deal as it was proposed to me. “Hey Serge! What ya got for me, dude?”, I asked. He replied, “I have a very special deal for you. I need, uh … yeah, ……Hey, Rod, you want to stop for a moment so we can talk?” I picked up the little tamale and laid her down onto Sergio’s lap as I continued to plow her. She stayed on my cock the whole time. I told Sergio, “No, man. I’m good! Lay it on me!” Slowly, Sergio lowered his face into his palm.

Then it happened. The voice cam from behind me, in the dark corner of Lou’s office. It was velvety yet hard as steel. “Rod. Went need to talk”, it said. Even though I did not stop pumping the little brown chick, a chill went down my spine when I heard those words. It was the thick timbre of the voice, I think, that alerted me.

I turned to look across the room. There, sitting in a red leather captains chair against the wall was the source of the sultry voice: Anna Conda.

I picked up the little taco yet again and turned her around so I could face Anna as I continued pumping her. At this point the Mexican girl was merely a masturbation toy I was using. I increased my pump so I could dump my load and get this over with. Then BAMM!!!, it was over. I removed the lass from my huge rod, after which her body crumpled to the floor. I did not know if she was dead or injured, or what had happened to her. But I did not care either, so I did not dwell on it.

I tried to compose myself the best I could, then walked over to stand before Anna so I could get to the bottom of all this business. “Well, well, well. Anna Conda. We meet again. Tell me, what brings you here, to my little neck of the woods?”

Anna replied, “Rod, put your dick away.” I looked down and, indeed, I had forgotten to stow my cock. Out of pure curtesy, I packed it away. Then I returned my attention to Anna. “Alright, Anna, what’s going on here?”

Anna launched into a startling tale about what brought her to me. As she spoke I became lost in her wanton beauty. She got up from her chair and walked about the room as she relayed her story, presumably to make it more dramatic and demonstrative. I got a full-on view of her body, and it was fantastic!!

She stands 5’10’’ and weighs 105 lbs. She is lithe. She was showing it off too, wearing a black, silk dress that landed just about her ankles. The top was low-cut, betraying just a bit of cleavage from her C-cup wineglass titties. She was not wearing a bra. Anna never wears a bra. Her nips were perfectly outlined through the silk. In fact, I think her nips were hard. It was probably something she did on purpose in an attempt to influence me. It was working.

Anna’s ass was perfect. It was not at all fat, but round enough not to be skinny. It was a fit figure skater’s ass. As she walked, I could see a tiny bit of jiggle emanating from her ass flesh, and then reverberated in the silky black dress she wore. My cock began growing hard again.

Her face was beautiful. Think Scarlett Johanson and Phoebe Cates rolled into one. But any sweetness this may evoke is quickly dispelled by Anna’s throaty voice with its thick Russian accent. I have known Anna for 20 years. Yet, she still does not look a day over 25. Jesus Christ!!! If ever there was a chick to die for ….. If I was one to delve into the belief of the paranormal, then I may conclude that Anna made a deal with the devil. But, I am not such a person.
And literally, Anna Conda is a chick to die for. She is deadly as fuck. She will kill you in a split second without a thought just because she does not like the shirt you are wearing. She can do it too. She is always armed and she knows how to use her weapons. Moreover, she is a total psychopath. This makes her doubly dangerous.

Anna and I have always gotten along for the most part. Like Anna, the dollar is my primary motivating factor. Such a mindset allows for understanding and predictability among people, which are elements that are sorely missing in many business dealings today that go on in the color of darkness.

Suddenly, Anna snapped me out of my thoughts. “Here’s your gun, Rod. Now let’s get started”, said Anna. She and Sergio were halfway through the door exiting Lou’s office when I said, “Hey, wait a damned minute!!! What are you talking about?!?”

They both stopped, and Anna walked back in and looked me in the eyes, saying “The plan, Rod. Let’s get on with the plan.” A little embarrassed, I sheepishly asked, “What plan?” Anna folded her arms and looked cross at me. After a moment to allow me to simmer in my shame, she asked, “You were not paying attention, were you, Rod?” I shook my head and looked down.

I heard a hammer cock. I jerked my head back up to find myself staring down the barrel of a pistol pointed at my head that Anna was holding. I protested, “Look, it is not my fucking fault!! Put that fucking gun down!!!” I continued, “You were distracting me with …. Well.. you know, how you are dressed, and that hot, sultry voice…. You know?”

“So, instead of paying attention to the plan, you chose to eye-rape me. Is that what I am to understand your position is, Rod?”, she asked. Knowing that my life was on the line, I said, “Anna, look, you know I am horny to a fault. Then you come in here, swinging them tits around, wearing that silk dress showing off the crack of your ass…. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPENED?”

Anna lowered her gun. She knew that my explanation of being a total cocksman was truth. “Let’s go”, Anna curtly said. I obeyed.

Anna explained the plan to me again on the drive from The Plump Rump. She made me wear a blindfold so that I would not get horny during her explanation. Here is how it went:

Anna Conda was now working for the Russians. It seems that Putin caught wind of the Sasquatch project that the Chinese were working on. He also knew that the American government have been fucking with sasquatch for decades. Thus, he was very concerned about the existence of a bigfoot gap. He ordered the acquisition of a Sasquatch specimen immediately.

Moreover, said specimen must be prime. It needed to be the biggest, baddest sasquatch of them all – a true alpha – so as to speed things along. Putin did not want some weird shit-creature, is-it-a-sasquatch-or-is-it-a-dogman, kind of monstrosity. He wanted purebred, badass sasquatchery, and preferably from the American Pacific northwest.

Anna got in on it because she sold the intel to Putin about China’s Sasquatch operation. She then told Putin she could produce sasquatch corpses for him. She told him she had a contact (i.e., me). Thus, with Putin’s blessing and promises of riches to come, Anna set out to America to find me.

Now, here is where things got a bit squirrely. See, I agreed to procure some more dead sasquatch. I have no problem with killing sasquatch because, in my opinion, they are an abomination on this Earth. I kind of feel like I am doing God’s work by wiping out as many of them as I can. And given all the not-so-Godly stuff I have done, I feel like killing Sasquatch kind of offsets that to some degree.

But Anna, she was stuck on Putin’s instruction that she must supply him with apex Sasquatch. So she did not want to take my advice of heading to the Pacific Northwest or Alaska. Instead, Anna claimed to have pinpointed the whereabouts of a particularly gruesome sasquatch beast that she KNEW would win her a fortune from Putin if she brought it to him.

“So, where is this beast?”, I asked. Anna replied “Martha’s Vineyard”. I paused. Then I asked her to repeat herself. It turns out that I was not mistaken about what Anna had said. I continued, “Uh, Anna, there are no sasquatch on Martha’s Vineyard, just a lot of wealth New Englander schmucks.”

Anna looked at me and told me I was wrong. Then she decided to attempt to taunt me. “Oh, Rod, mighty slayer of Bigfoot! Yet, you fail to take notice of where the biggest, most foul and rotten beast of them all makes its home. Jesus, Rod!! What kind of bigfoot hunter are you, anyway?” Anna then spit at my feet and wondered aloud whether she even needs me for this job.

I decided that I needed to straighten out the hierarchy here in order for this here deal to move forward. I said, “Well, Anna, feel free to truck on over to Old Whitey Beach and battle that beast. But, if there is a big old mangy sasquatch lurking around over there, then it is probably a fucking Nazi-Squatch. You know, those fuckers out there hate the Jews.”

The work “Nazi” visibly shook Anna. Her great grandfather died defending Leningrad. Her entire family there died of either starvation or cannibalism during Hitler’s siege during Operation Barbarossa. Anna despised Nazis. But she feared them too. After landing that punch, I decided to push my luck.

“Now, I am still willing to help you catch this here Nazi-Squatch, but you have to do something for me”, I said. Now Anna’s eyes were on me, and they were narrowing. I continued, “I want you to get bare assed naked and pleasure yourself while I stand over you and jack it.” Anna stared at me silently for a long moment. Then she replied.

“After the job is done, and you can get none of your … fluids… on me”, she said. I shook my head and countered, “Now, and I will ‘try’ to not get my spunk on you.”

However, Anna then turned the tables on me. In fact, she picked up the table and bashed my head in with it. She looked me in my eyes, then matter-of-factly said, “You get the beast, and your prize shall be a night with me, anything goes, darling.” Well, since this caused all of the blood to immediately drain from my brain, I had a lapse in judgment. “DEAL!!”, I said. Then we shook on it.

“OK, tell me more about this supposed monster sasquatch on Martha’s Vineyard”, I said. I still was not ready to believe there was a monster out there. “I show you photo”, said Anna. She took out her phone, scrolled to find the photo, then handed the phone to me. “There. Sasquatch”, she said.

I stared at the photo and remained silent. After a long moment, I turned the phone so that Anna could see the photo and asked, “Uh, Anna, is THIS what you intended to show me?” She replied. “Yes! There…Sasquatch! The biggest, grossest monster around.”

Now, I could not argue with Anna that the image on her phone is a big, gross monster. Hell, it could actually be a sasquatch, and THE UBER sasquatch. It is most certainly the grossest thing on Martha’s Vinyard. But I somehow do not think this is what Putin is expecting.

I turned to Anna and said, “Anna, this is a photo of Michelle Obama. I know it looks vile, and has a huge, hulking body with large appendages where a woman should not have them. But, sweatheart, that ain’t no sasquatch. That’s a big, hairy Chicago street negro.”

Anna did not believe me at first. She was hard in her conviction that Obama was a sasquatch. “I have seen the Sasquatch beast you deliver to me for China. This … Michelle Obama …. It is big, and hairy, and ugly like the sasquatch beast, but worse.”

When the truth finally set it, I could see that it had kind of broken down poor Anna, if only just a bit. I put my arm around Anna and told her, “Look, Michelle O fooled you. Hell, she and her Hamas Hubby fooled millions of Americans, twice! At least you saw Michelle for what she is, to wit: a big, gross sasquatch, and NOT some kind a retarded leftist messiah.”

After that, things took a rather dark turn. “What if we still take her to Putin? We can make deal; sell her to Putin!!” At this point I held up my hands and said, “I’m out”, then turned and walked away. Anna followed, trying to get me to stay. At this point, I could tell that Anna was coming undone a little.

See, she had to produce for Putin. There is no telling what kind of secret deal she actually had with him. She had to deliver a big old mangy Obama …. Er, uh, I mean … Sasquatch, to Putin.

“Ok, Rod, we do your plan. We go out west to kill bigfoot. Huge, monster bigfoot. she said. I turned and looked Anna in her eyes and said the following: First, we bang for 48 hours straight, right now, so I can get my fill of you. Second, you pay me $10,000.00 cash upfront. Third, upon delivery of the dead bigfoot, you pay me $1 million immediately.”

Anna agreed to everything, but noted that at the present time it was her “time of the month”. I grimaced, as I will absolutely not go there (and she knows that). “Fine, next week we bang”, I said. She pointed out that I would be in the woods next week hunting sasquatch. “Fine, once I come out of the woods, then we bang – 48 hours straight”, I said. “Of course, darling!”, she agreed.

Well, it took several days to set up the hunt, but it finally happened. I was in Washington state at high elevation based on intel I has acquired that indicated that there was a monstrous 15’ tall sasquatch on the mountain range that had been murdering and eating hunters and hikers. After 3 months in these mountains without a trace of the creature I began to lose hope, thinking that I probably got some bad intel, or bad coordinates.

I got my satellite phone out to call for an extraction. Winter was setting in fast, and if I did not get off this mountain soon, then I would freeze and/or starve to death. Unfortunately, my contact did not answer. I tried for 2 days. No answer. I had been fucked. I wondered what had happened back in civilization that caused me to be abandoned like this. I resolved that I would get off that mountain and get to the bottom of this shit. There would be hell to pay for this betrayal!!’

I was able to get in touch with contacts from back home. I got old Billy Ray from Ellijay and Rattler on the phone and got them to come out here to Washington State to extract me. Rattler use to fly helicopters in the Army. He has an old Huey sitting in his front yard, to the chagrin of his HOA. He fired that sucker up, and him and old Billy Ray flew out here to my coordinates and extracted me.

After landing at a convenience store to buy some beer for the flight home, we headed east. Through the skies a way, Billy Ray said, “Well, Rod, I guess you is bout ready to git back home to Georgia, eh?” In fact, I was ready to go home. But I had to take care of some business first. I told them both to take me to New York City. They were both perplexed. All I said to them was “I have an old friend there I have to see before I can go home.”

I have intel on where Anna Conda stays when she is in the United States. She stays at certain hotels depending on what month she is here, and whether her check-in date is an odd or even number. This is for undercover work. I came across the code for her stays while doing the sasquatch work for China. She an I were caught in a snowstorm one night in Buffalo, NY, and had to share a room at the Holiday Inn near the airport. We had like 10 big Igloo ice chests with iced down sasquatch body parts with us in the room.

Anna was like, “No hanky panky, Rod. I am tired and I want to go to bed. Tomorrow we finish business.”

Frankly, I did not blame her for withholding her magnificent muff from me. I was tired as hell. But, I could not settle for nothing. So, when Anna was in the bathroom taking a shower, I started going through her suit case. I wanted to find some of her panties to jack off into. Instead, I found a little black notebook. Inside it contained her lodging codes, and some other interesting things. I photographed the contents with my phone and then put it back.

When Anna got out of the shower she was already dressed in her night clothes. She saw me lying on my back, nude on the bed, and jacking it. “Rod!! GROSS!!!! Go to the restroom to do that shit!!!”, she commanded. I just did it to get a rise out of her. LOL!!

So, if Anna is still inside the U.S., then using the codes I stole from her I can locate precisely where she will be that night. I studied it for a few moments then had my answer. Tonight she would be staying at the Dogman Inn on Hwy 95 South, Room 355. I told Rattler to get me there stat!

We had to stop several times for fuel and beer. Those Hueys go just a bit over a hundred MPH, you know. But eventually, we got there. I gave the boys some money and told them to go to the Waffle House for some coffee to sober up. Then they would fly me home.

I should mention that I also had Rattler’s fully auto Russian AK-74 with spare mags. During the long flight with 2 drunks from Washington State to New York City, I had worked myself up into a towering rage over how Anna fucked me on this Putin deal. She had clearly thrown me aside. But for what, exactly? I figured I would storm the hotel room, get some answers, then shower the room with gun fire.

I busted through the door of Room 355 at exactly 3:35 a.m. There she was. My entry roused her from slumber. I was pointing my rifle at her, center mass. She was shocked at the appearance of a gunman in her room at this time of night. However, she was not as shocked as one would think (this was not the first time something like this has happened to her).

I raised my face from the receiver just enough so she could see it was me. “Rod!!!”, she exclaimed. “What happened to you?!?!? I thought you had died up in those mountains when we never hear from you!” I replied, “Shove it up that cute little ass of yours, Anna. You fucked me. And not in the good way. What the fuck was all that shit about needing a sasquatch for Putin?!?”

Anna played dumb. But it struck me that I had been deliberately put out of the loop for 3 months. Why? Who wanted me away for that long, and why? What went on in my absence?!? I was just dying to know!!! I set my rifle down and pulled out my fixed blade knife, ready to get down to some real nasty work on Anna so I could get some truth. The pure evil of what I was about to do to her caused a wide death grin to grow on my face. Anna saw it. She knew what it meant. She swallowed hard and her eyes betrayed the shear terror she felt inside. I was engorged with blood lust. She knew she had fucked up one time too many this time!!

Suddenly came the sound of the toilet in the bathroom flushing. I was momentarily shocked. I did not expect anyone else to be there with Anna. Anna saw it in my face. I glanced at her and saw that the terror in her face was replaced with pleasure, a slight smile creeping over her face.

I was going to have to face off against this person in the bathroom, who would be out in a split moment. When I do that, I will have to turn 180 degrees from Anna, thereby making me vulnerable to her. I had only once choice: Shoot Anna first.

Just as this came to me, but just before I could act on it, the bathroom door opened. I had to deal with that person before Anna now. I spun around to see that it was a completely nude, and fat, white man. He was a real oafish blob. He looked surprised to see me. He also looked sort of familiar.

I next heard the crack of something hitting my skull hard. I remember the immediate hateful pain that shot through my body and the sound of blood rushing through my ears. I remember the dizziness, then falling to the floor. Clearly, as I fixed on the man from the bathroom, Anna had cracked me over the head with a blunt object.

I came to the next morning, Billy Ray and Rattler had manage to track me down based upon coordinates I left in the chopper that said “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY”. Billy Ray filled up the hotel room ice bucket with cold water and doused my head with it to bring me conscious. I was disoriented at first. But after a bit, what happened in this room the night before came back to me.

Honestly, I am surprised that Anna did not just kill me. I presume that she thinks she can leverage her drop-dead hotness to get me to do more shit for her in the future. She is absolutely right about that too. Rattler then said, “Hey, Rod, that snake bitch left a letter fer ya.”

He handed me the letter. This is what it said:
____________________________________________

“Dear Rod:

Sorry about the boo boo on your head. Hope it heals soon. Also sorry about leaving you in the mountains. I was not running a scam on you Rod. Rather, an opportunity arose for me to acquire a sasquatch body from another person. You may know him since you are a sasquatch hunter. His name is Matt Moneymaker. Anyway, until next time…..

Yours truly,
Anna Conda”
_____________________________________________
I could not fucking believe it. That was fatfuck Moneymaker in the hotel room earlier. Anna fucked Matt Fatfuck Moneymaker for a Sasquatch! That fat son of bitch!!

Billy Ray asked, “You ready to go Rod?” I stood up and said, “Yeah, let’s go.” Then Rattler said, “Hey, ya wanna stop and git some beer fer the ride home?” I replied “Hell yeah.”

I felt like I wanted to die. Thank God for beer and buddies. I don’t blame Anna. She is a fucking snake, and I knew that before this started. Also, I cannot really blame fatfuck Moneymaker for wanting to get some of that hot poon pie Anna serves up. I guess I have to blame fate for fucking me over this time. I even started thinking that next time I will just avoid Anna. But I know I won’t, thus making me subject to this sort of shit again. I had Rattler set us down in Charlottesville so I could buy some hard liquor.

Personally, I like his kind of comedy most of the time, and I feel like I understand it the way he means for it to be understood. His style of humor matches mine pretty well, in that I usually just follow "faulty logic" based on absurdities. I've always liked playing around with stereotypes and making jokes about them, with the humor relying on the understanding that the stereotype I'm playing around with is absurd, not that I'm validating stereotypes and then making fun of the people being stereotyped. It's like "this is the kind of dumb conclusions you can arrive at if we start from the stereotype, assume that we accept it's true and then allow for absurdities". Like all those fucking white people causing global warming with their NASCAR, reliance on Chinese factories pumping out cheap and disposable NFL merchandise, sending their food back at restaurants and breathing. White people breathe is the leading cause of humidity.
So, he's up there on stage basically just shit talking everyone, using the well known stereotypes and then just seemingly making shit up about races, ethnicities, disorders and everything else all for the purpose of just being able to ramble on about things that have no basis in reality, and I love it. I actually went to go see him live with my wife and one of her friends last month, and it was good time.
It seemed like almost half of his show was centered around a fictional special ed class that he was in, or how he used to work with autistic people (which apparently we love wrestling). He had these "personifications" of downs syndrome and "up" syndrome that he acted out with like exaggerated power stances, looking down at the floor and up toward the sky respectively. At one point he talks about how his special ed class got a Mexican kid, and the reason he was in there was because he was Mexican and no one in his town had ever seen a Mexican before. There's no way I could see any sane person taking these jokes seriously or thinking that there's any "truth" to what he's saying. Does he think being Mexican is pretty much the same as being autistic or having down syndrome? Of course not, but the comparison is funny.
He just makes up random characters who all just happened to live in his town, and just goes rambling on about random, absurd bullshit about them, and it's funny because the logic of it all is internally consistent after you get passed the fact that the premise is purposefully nonsensical, and the premise is usually that the he and the people around him are all kind of fucked up and don't do normal things. One of the funniest things I've ever heard was his story about a guy masturbating at trains at the Amtrak station, and people would throw dimes at him and feed him peach slices through a chain link fence. That's fucking funny.
My wife likes him, but is also convinced that he's really just super dumb, doesn't really know what he's doing and just so happens to be accidentally funny. No. He knows what he's doing, and he knows that the way he reasons his way to conclusions with absurdity is funny. I feel like we're on the same wavelength as far as sense of humor goes.
Anyone else a fan of him or his style of comedy?

there’s no way to really start this, but i’ll just go right into it. my stepmom is currently away on a trip out of the country, leaving just my dad and i home. she just left yesterday night, but i’m already noticing some weird behavior from my dad. for some background info, my mom and dad separated in 2011, and legally divorced in 2012, so i was still really young. i don’t know the exact reasons why they split, but im pretty sure it has to do with him cheating. anyway, my stepmom came into the picture in 2013, and i have since moved in with them (i used to live mostly with my mom).
so back to today, my dad has been acting really fishy. he usually texts and drives, but won’t be hiding his phone. today, he was hiding it like his life depended on it, and has just been texting more than usual. i did manage to get a glimpse of what he was saying, and all i saw was him on whatsapp (which he rarely uses) talking to some girl in spanish (we’re hispanic, but he only texts in english unless it’s his mom), saying that he is “still thinking about her videos” and he was calling her “bb”. then about 20 minutes later, he had sent a long paragraph, and all i could read before he moved his phone again was the word “masturbation”. this is freaking me out because my stepmom makes a lot more than my dad, and we are both on her health insurance. i am scared to look more into this.
i coincidentally have a session with my therapist today, so i will definitely bring this up then. but for now, what should i do? i’m planning on just trying to take glances at his phone, and if he leaves his phone somewhere, im definitely going to investigate for more. but i just am at a loss right now, i don’t know much about what’s happening but it seems like cheating, and i can’t even look at him in the eyes right now. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hey let me introduce myself I'm 15years old male from Poland. In the lockdown I saw myself very bored and I found a discord server about cars and at that time I was very into them I I could answer any question that someone would ask me about cars. I was 12at this time and my English texting skills were far worse than now. People made fun of me because I didn't know how to say some of the things right. I was called out names and they were getting to me. Sometimes I was even crying. Why didn't I leave that server? I have no idea. It was ruining my mental health. I got a few friends here and there. One of which was a girl. I wasn't chatting with her a lot but we liked each other. She even made feel safe while talking with her. I could tell her anything. Then her father took her phone away. I tried to contact her like many other people. Me and a few other guys were saying on the discord server that she didn't deserve this. But everyone was arguing with us and saying mean words. They made edited pictures with her and even sent them to her family. They leaked all her information including school, home address etc. I contacted her mom and she told me that I'm a pedophile and I should leave them alone but I was just trying to tell her that conversation and pictures are fake. Everyone hated me on that server for texting that. I was at my lowest. I decided to leave. I was depressed. I didn't want to do anything. I found hamza video about how to fix your mental health. He told a lot of great informations. I started going for a walks. I was exploring near by forest everyday. I stopped masturbating. By that time my parents bought me a new bike. I fell in love with riding my bike. I made new friends. I have found that it is my hobby. It made me extremely happy. But then I had to cut it off for a few months. I had final exams. That's when I started masturbating because of stress and all about exams. After exams I started MTB again. I had the best summer of my life. The prime of my life. I woke up everyday extremely happy. But I couldn't stop masturbating. I tried everything. But I can't stop coming back to it. I need some tips. I also started watching Instagram reels so I blocked them by rooting my phone and using special module. After that I installed tik tok 🤦‍♂️ can't fix my low attention span as well. What do I do at this point??

Yesterday After relapse i came to this sub and asked about what should i replace against porn.I got lot of support through the fellow members. Today i am going all out clearing my mind and being frank with you all..and also with me .Guys i have been masturbating to porn since Age 11 . Now i am 21 and still on the same track. During the covid pandemic my addiction was almost in a recovery stage as i had fallen sick badly . I almost was on the verge of death due to my illness .After recovery i prayed and thanked to god and made a promise that i will never ever watch porn in my life.But after few days when i gained my full state i again continued the cycle of pmo. This time it grew a lot . After covid i pursed for undergraduate course and i have failed in various subjects as a result of my laziness and my procastinating mind . I was blaming porn for that but i may be wrong . I know i am lazy and i think that i will become successful in life but if you will see my efforts you will laugh at me .My undergradate study is pending . Exams are in two days and i dont even know the name of the subjects. I got a part time of job past year at supermarket and it is going ok but i take so many leaves due to pmo. I rent out a hotel one time for doing this shit ..i come from a lower middle class background and this is draining me physically as well as financially.I know that it is bad but still i cant control myself .i had few friends and a best friend but i never tell them this problem cause i think i will solve it on my own. Also few of them are toxic so i am quiet about it.My day starts with hitting gym ...you will think it is good thing but next i do is i watch porn back after gym , masturbate then sleep all day work at evening then back home and again doing pmo for hours or some times whole night..I am down bad in academics , Physical health , Got PIED and Premature ejaculation ..I tried quitting several times .Right after i have rented out hotel post nut clarity changed me for about a week but then again i am here back to sqaure one . GUYS WHAT SHOULD I DO . I AM TRAPPED IN WORK,PMO CYCLE .MY JOB SUCKS AND SO PMO .MY ACADEMICS IS FUKD UP ..ONE THING IS I NEVER HAD SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND I KNOW I NEVER WILL CAUSE I HAVE THAT STRENGHT BUT PMO ...I HAVE NO WORDS🫠

Yesterday After relapse i came to this sub and asked about what should i replace against porn.I got lot of support through the fellow members. Today i am going all out clearing my mind and being frank with you all..and also with me .Guys i have been masturbating to porn since Age 11 . Now i am 21 and still on the same track. During the covid pandemic my addiction was almost in a recovery stage as i had fallen sick badly . I almost was on the verge of death due to my illness .After recovery i prayed and thanked to god and made a promise that i will never ever watch porn in my life.But after few days when i gained my full state i again continued the cycle of pmo. This time it grew a lot . After covid i pursed for undergraduate course and i have failed in various subjects as a result of my laziness and my procastinating mind . I was blaming porn for that but i may be wrong . I know i am lazy and i think that i will become successful in life but if you will see my efforts you will laugh at me .My undergradate study is pending . Exams are in two days and i dont even know the name of the subjects. I got a part time of job past year at supermarket and it is going ok but i take so many leaves due to pmo. I rent out a hotel one time for doing this shit ..i come from a lower middle class background and this is draining me physically as well as financially.I know that it is bad but still i cant control myself .i had few friends and a best friend but i never tell them this problem cause i think i will solve it on my own. Also few of them are toxic so i am quiet about it.My day starts with hitting gym ...you will think it is good thing but next i do is i watch porn back after gym , masturbate then sleep all day work at evening then back home and again doing pmo for hours or some times whole night..I am down bad in academics , Physical health , Got PIED and Premature ejaculation ..I tried quitting several times .Right after i have rented out hotel post nut clarity changed me for about a week but then again i am here back to sqaure one . GUYS WHAT SHOULD I DO . I AM TRAPPED IN WORK,PMO CYCLE .MY JOB SUCKS AND SO PMO .MY ACADEMICS IS FUKD UP ..ONE THING IS I NEVER HAD SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND I KNOW I NEVER WILL CAUSE I HAVE THAT STRENGHT BUT PMO ...I HAVE NO WORDS🫠

I am very grateful to anyone who is taking the time to read this, I apologize in advance if my problems seem immature or insignificant but it is true that for me they are very difficult to overcome.
I'll try to be brief, I'm a teenager who's about to turn 19 and for about 3 years now I've been getting more and more lost. I think I'm capable of achieving everything I put my mind to, but I have a problem: not having any dreams, goals nor purpose. All the hobbies I think of seem boring, they cost money and seem like a waste of time, I'm in college right now to become a game developer but not because I want to become one, just so my parents can have peace of mind that "I'm working for my future" in theory. Nothing makes me truly happy, I do enjoy playing a bit of games or hanging out sometime but nothing special. I had a group of best friends for a few years and recently I haven't spoken much to them since they are busy with college too and always give priority to their girlfriends.
If I had to point out a period of time in which I was "happy" (other than when I was a child because everything is magical at that age) it would be more than a year ago when I met a nice and affectionate girl who showed interest in me and I in her. I had the purpose of making her happy and protecting her. Unfortunately it didn't last long and she never told me why she didn't want to be with me anymore (we weren't dating). At the time, frustrated, I thought that I needed to be in a relationship to solve everything, I met another girl but I quickly realized that I didn't feel anything for her and that if I were to be in a relationship in the future, it would be something genuine (something you can't force nor seek , it will either come with time or never come at all).
Moving on from the topic, I haven't been standing still this whole time, I decided to achieve a clear objective that seems to me to be the only one I want to achieve, to become a better person both in body and mind, I joined the gym about 3 years ago (currently I bought some weights and exercise at home) and over time I decided on several steps to improve myself, including: being kinder, meditating, avoiding sleeping less, not watching porn or masturbating, avoiding negativity, not drinking alcohol, ... and more.
However, all this seems a little in vain because I feel lost with nothing that awakens me. I feel that despite having become a much better person, I have nowhere to direct my efforts.
I never spoke to my parents or my best friend about this. Let's say my parents are too conservative and wouldn't understand and I didn't talk about this with my best friend because I feel like he couldn't help me with anything so I would just be victimizing myself.
Thank you genuinely to anyone who has read this so far, if anyone has gone through a similar situation as me or if you know any tips on what to do from now on, I would really appreciate it. I apologize once again for taking up your time.

Hello. So I have been pretty much a porn addict for about 10 years (I'm a male), it started when I was about 10 years old, I don't even remember exactly when it started, but firstly I found about masturbation and how good it feels and it was a new exciting thing to me. When I first saw porn I just watched it sometimes but nothing more, didn't masturbated or anything, but when I first masturbated while watching porn, it became my obsession and it's pretty obvious why, a lot of dopamine and I loved it. For the first few weeks I enjoyed it and didn't have any problem with it, but I realized that I do it daily, it became a habit, but I was a kid and didn't think it will be a problem or anything, but I was wrong. So yeah I watched it everyday, daily masturbation and more intense videos, my parents figured out I watch it and told me not to because it's unhealthy but I didn't care because I was a stupid kid. There were time I didn't even had a phone and I had to steal my mother's phone at night to be able to watch it.. As the years passed I knew it was an addiction and I have to stop it, when I was 13-14 I wanted to stop it and it was hard because of the urges but I managed to don't watch porn or masturbate for about 3 days and I was happy that I was able to do it, but I always relapsed and didn't know what to do, I couldn't really tell this anyone back then. By the way I was always a quiet, shy, introverted person and spoiled too at the same time and because of that I was always lazy, never learned studied at school and I was addicted to video games too, so I was a really unhealthy person and I lacked social skills too, I had anxiety and social anxiety. When I went to high school from a village to a big town it was scary and I had a really hard time to be open for the people, I was really really shy, but my classmates where kind and talked to me and I really grateful for them. I was 15, the first time I was actually interested in girls, but because I was so shy I had a pretty hard time xd (also I'm a really emotional person and I probably have ADHD) Approaching a girl I was interested in was the most fearful thing for me, fear of rejection or even talking to someone because I was overthinking everything and I was so emotional. But because after a few months I was a bit more open for my classmates, had the first parties, alcohol, first kiss and being in love. I was in love with a girl but I was still shy I messed up everything and that was the first heartbreak I had, heartbreaks were one the hardest times in my life because I was so emotional. I felt lost and I was still addicted to porn, because it helped with my anxiety to calm myself, but it was unhealthy, I was at home all the time, played video games, never studied so I had bad grades too and because of the parties I tried drugs too, and I quickly realized it's not good for me, probably because of ADHD and emotionality. So yeah I was being "friends" with random low quality people who are always partying and taking advantages of everyone and I drank a lot unfortunately, I was the most unhealthiest in my whole life and I was just looking for attention and love or care (my parents cared for me, but I really wanted to be in love with someone, who is loving me and who makes me feel I'm important). I had depression and I was really sad because of my lifestyle, I wanted a girlfriend so much, it was a sad time. I was stupid enough to cut my arms, only for attention and I felt miserable (it's a shame to write those words, it happened a long time ago but I feel so pathetic). When I was 17 I managed to meet someone at a party and we had a good time and I seriously felt like it could work. After 2 weeks of knowing eachother we were together and I was so happy I could be with a girl I like, I realized that I don't need alcohol, or cigarettes or weed and I decided I won't do anything for a month and I succeded! (she was nihilist and toxic person) but quickly broke up with me after a month because I was boring for her and it was one of the hardest time of my life. I felt lost, sad and didn't know what to do, I was unhealthy, eating junk food, not exercising and watching porn and playing video games. I was overweight, I changed school and decided to change my life and forgetting that person, I was heartbroken. I lost weight, I started nofap (it was really hard), but I managed to go without it for 1-2 weeks and I felt proud but still relapsed and I wanted to do ANYTHING to stop that. I was able to go without it for about 50 days, that's my record ever, but I failed again because I was still looking for someone, I wanted a good relationship. That's what happened when I was at college (I couldn't believe I got there, teachers helped me and I was really proud). I met with my current girlfriend there, who I love a lot, a girl with a really good personality and beautiful, we are together for more than 2 years. She was the first person I had a genuine and normal sex but I have to admit that my porn addiction was a problem from the beginning of our relationship.
And for a while she didn't know about it but after about month I told her about it and she was understanding but I felt like she was upset (who wouldn't be) because it had an impact on our relationship, but we worked on that and I was able to change and we had a better sexual life together! We sometimes workout in the gym together because we want to achieve better physique. But honestly I secretly still relapsed every few weeks and I was so ashamed I rarely talked with here about it, because I didn't want to upset here and I wanted to deal it with myself. Besides that we have a good relationship and in the last few weeks I managed to not watching anything or masturbate, I wanted to get rid of porn 100% and limit masturbation and wait for the time we have sex, it's better than masturbation. The reason I had hard time not to masturbate is because I like to be alone and we usually away for 2-3 days (we don't live together yet). But 2 days ago I masturbated because we were away and it already took me a day to actually do it and even stopper 3-4 times because I didn't feel like it, imagination was not enough for 15 minutes and sex is much better, but I did it and it was unnecessary, didn't feel the need but I got over it fast, but the problem started. I had urges to watch porn because of that and my girlfriend was away, but I didn't do it. Anyway yesterday it happened that I watched and masturbated to it and I didn't even really enjoyed it, I regretted it immediately and I went to sleep. In the morning I felt a very deep shame and regret, I failed again, I can't tell this to my girlfriend. I realized after I watched porn I have social anxiety again, it's hard to even talk or mert my family because I feel so shameful about myself. I decided that no matter what happening I can't do this anymore, I will never watch porn again, it's an act, unnatural and unhealthy.
I just wanted to talk about this, don't want to tell this in front of my family but I learning from my mistakes. If I feel the need I will write again later with an update.
Have a nice day everyone.

Thought I was just talking to a sub about a panties/bra set, but they said they'd love it if I did a Tenga Egg too. It's a disposable male masturbator that runs about $6 online, he said it could be turned inside out- implying it could be inserted. I was gathering that the request was to turn the toy inside out to insert and then flip it back to send it-- how common is this request? I had never heard of it before so I was intrigued --but he disappeared overnight 😂
Wondering how common this request is for other creators and what do you price it?

I am nearing day 50 of porn and masturbation freedom today.
For a long time, I have hesitated to write of my experience because I fear that while some may find it encouraging, many others may not find it helpful. I only know my experience, and have no playbook beyond the Bible for understanding how God will or will not move in the lives of others. While others speak of doing step work and going through a long and arduous process, I can only testify that for me, addiction to porn was a demon that God chose to cast out of me while at church one Easter morning.
So I will try to recount this as best I can.
Baseline Background: I masturbated to pornography, probably five or six times a day, including during my workday. Over time, my taste in porn grew from traditional encounters to include bi-sexuality and male and female homosexuality and themes of humiliation. It was a clear situation of increasing outrageousness to get the same high. I must have tried to stop a dozen times to no avail, sometimes lasting a week at best. Like many of you, when I failed, the porn urge reasserted itself with even greater intensity. Almost like it was saying “how dare you try to be free of me.” Trying to stop porn use felt like lifting a weight beyond my strength - it was so strenous. My addiction was often triggered by anxiety, fear and loneliness. Using porn became vital to dealing with these emotions. I couldn’t function without it. But I was also extremely irritable when I was not “under the influence.”
I’m sorry, but anyone who thinks their wife or significant other can’t see the signs of this addiction is being naive or counting on their partners denial. I am sure I looked, smelled and behaved in a gross manner. I ogled every woman I came across for quick hits. Conversations with women became increasingly difficult because of the feedback loop of fear that my inner lust might be detected. Porn put me in a zombie state, where I could pass for being alive in isolated moments but was dead on the inside.
Interesting point: I did pray prayers of desperation. I tried to flee when possible, but could never run fast enough or far enough. My determination had no home because it was always defeated. But the Holy Spirit led me to begin to change some things even while I was still in bondage. I started working out. I started trying to eat better. I still made room for porn…but i did things that were akin to planting flowers in the prison lawn. I started reading the Bible and being obedient to God in almost imperceptibly small ways. I did these things not to be free…but because it was all I had to offer. I believe these accumulated actions over time and my building desire to be free - and an understanding that I could not free myself - created a person that could tolerate the lightning bolt that was about to strike. I was a meek, doomed creature who could only look to God for hope.
Transformation: And then came Easter morning….. The message was really one of salvation and God’s determination to save us. He waded through the filth to get me. He took my punishment to free me. Layer after layer of life trauma was revealed to me that morning. And through it all, I could see and feel the love of Jesus Christ in a manner I had only understood at an intellectual level in the past. The enemy’s strongholds were mighty, but I could feel them being shattered one by one. It was difficulty to keep any composure. It burned. I can almost imagine that the thing inside me could no longer stand the temperature. I won’t claim certainty over what was actually happening on this spiritual level, but this is what it felt like. It felt as though there was a real physical and spiritual dimension to this that I cannot explain.
And then, listening to praise music later that week - something I never really did before….I “inhaled.” The demon had been cast out, but this was the moment the spirit entered into the empty space. I cried, and was gasping for breath! It was like that moment like after you can finally breathe deep after having the wind viciously knocked out of you. I gasped and kept gasping. It was so very strange.
And I knew then with all certainty that it was over. The addiction as I had known it was gone. I am not surprised to be at day 50 and have no fear of relapse. Why on God’s Earth and every blessing in heaven would I ever go back to that!!!!!!?????? I can’t even stand the memory of it! I have had days that would have triggered my past but the thing is just “gone.” The cycle is broken. I can remember how I behaved but it feels distant. I can imagine one day I won’t even feel like it was really me.
And in its place is a feeling of such immense gratitude to Jesus Christ and the Father and the Spirit. I have since tearfully repented many times…and though I can’t explain it, I feel as though I would not have had the capacity to repent like this without first having been transformed. I didn’t know what repentance was or what it felt like until this moment. It’s not just sorry and I’ll try harder. It’s more like choosing to get into a car with someone who is driving across town. I’ve never had a diligent prayer life in the past, but I now spend long periods of time just saying thank you.
I have institutionalized this in my life….I have personal praise time twice a day, once in the morning and then again in the evening. But it often happens without me even thinking about it.
And here is something that will likely cause others to say “don’t listen to him!” And they may be right! But this is the truth. I have left all of my porn accounts active. None of them are paid accounts but they still send me email messages and remind of new content. I see these enter my inbox and delete them (unviewed) once a week or so. Don’t I feel too tempted to open them???? Not really. My body still bears its “wounds”… and the physical memory of it is still there. But it is small and starved and outweighed by joy. As a metaphor, porn now looks like choosing a pale imitation of something over the real thing. And the memory of myself in depression and bondage is still so visceral. I am so very happy to be alive. I feel the love of God and it causes me to see myself as He sees me and I don’t want to drag that person into filth.
In fact, every time I hit that delete button, it gives me a moment to celebrate and appreciate my freedom.
I’ve thought about this and now believe that, for me, it was a useless gesture to eradicate my ability to access porn. The enemy has made it available everywhere! I know some have achieved victory through this method so I am not casting any stones at it! Please don’t take it that way! For some, this may absolutely be necessary. I know that for me, deleting videos and stuff was kind of a distraction that just set up the inevitable and satisfying “search and rebuy all my porn” relapse.
For me, “fleeing” (which is biblical) is for when your addiction is thrust upon you without your choice. This is getting up out of a movie theater when you realize the content is triggering you. But what I am doing is dying to my sin as a remembrance of God’s grace and my choice to accept it as a conscious act. Porn is still there, but I obey the Spirit and say “get lost.”
Interesting point 2: Obedience is a muscle and every time I swipe left to delete, I can feel my “No” muscle become stronger. Strengthening this muscle while remembering that I was delivered has been my secret weapon.
Here is the part that I struggle with: why doesn’t God just zap Everyone who asks for it? Why didn’t this happen to me 2 years ago? I wouldn’t presume to know the answer to this. I can only lay this testimony out as clear as I can and trust that others may find things within it that speak to them and where they are. I just want to say that victory ins possible in Him and don’t listen to the lies of the enemy that say otherwise.

I met my girlfriend 1 year ago and I've had amazing time with her traveling to many countries, doing new activities together and just normal daily life with her is fun. It's been a long distance relationship and we see each other every 2-3 weeks. We are both physicians and of the same culture and ethnicity which is hard to find. She has become my best friend, we both love each other, I get along well with her family and everything is great...except for the sex.
In the beginning the sex was "ok" for me, it definitely wasn't the best sex I've ever had but because she was so amazing in other ways, it didn't bother me. I told myself not many people have sex anyway after 10 yrs or after kids and that it's the other parts of a relationship that matters more. Fast forward to our vacations together and we still had the same issue. I could be at a beach resort, super horny, want to have sex with her, but then not be able to orgasm or stay hard. I've never had this issue before in my prior relationships. I can be hard before during the foreplay, but as soon as I go inside, I don't feel anything, so I become soft or continue thrusting until I get tired. I usually have her organsm through clitoral stimulation first before I go inside her.
Eventually it got to the point where I didn't want to have sex with her, made excuses that I was tired, either from driving the 4 hrs to see her or from work or that it was too late. I feared having sex because I knew if it was unsuccessful then we would be that much closer to breaking up. I've been so successful with my life that when we had these days where the sex didn't work out I felt like such a loser and become depressed for the rest of the day. This has even happened on vacations, a time when I'm usually at my happiest. I felt like Ethan in White Lotus season 2 who is super successful, but has a boring relationship, watches porn, ignores his wife who wants to have sex. It was sad and hit me hard.
With my prior relationships with ex's, I never had a issue with sex even with my penis being on the small side. My ex's would all be surprised how good the sex was, would call me a porn star, and I would have sex almost every time I met my partner. It's very different picture in my current relationship.
I've constantly been thinking about why the sex sucks now vs my prior relationships. At first i thought it was her weight and the fact that I can only do one position with her and that I couldn't go as deep because of a fat pad. Then I thought it was because my sex drive was not high enough since i wasn't working out as much. Then I was thinking it was the stress of my board exams. Then I thought it was psychological and the fear of breaking up. I got a pill for Viagra to see if that would help and it didn't. I've tried different positions but that didn't work well. I'm now at a loss and think we are just physically incompatible. My penis is on the small end and I can't feel anything when I am inside her. She admitted she can't feel anything either. I guess I can try not wearing a condom (after she goes on birth control) and she can try kegels, but again that's putting the blame on her which is not my intention. And there's no guarantee that kegels will help.
I think if it wasn't for the sex issue I would have already been shopping around for a ring.
When we talked about this, she has decided she is willing to give up a sex life at 30 for me. Her thinking is that no relationship will be perfect and at least she knows with me, this is what she has to give up and yes she can find someone else but even that one will not be perfect and there will be something she will have to give up. She's still unhappy about it. She said she will masturbate, I can masturbate but continue to try to make it work. My thoughts are that she's still only 30, she can definitely find someone else who has better sexual compatibility and she shouldn't be giving up on her sex life because of me. I'd understand if we had kids already or we were 10 years into a relationship, but sometimes I feel like it's only been a year, maybe she's not the one for me. I'm 32, my options are getting limited, but I'm unsure if I want a life of a dead bedroom for a companion. I'm worried that this will cause resentment for both of us and lead to either infidelity or divorce which being a physician, could still financially ruin me since I still make twice as much as her. I've always been told the key to financial success is one wife.
She is moving states to live with me in a month. She has a job lined up to start in a few months. However, my parents (who do not know what they want to do in life and have no house or job) are currently living with me. Under no circumstances will my gf live with my parents, no do I want her to. So my parents will have to move out which really feels like I have to kick my parents out in order to make room for my girlfriend. My fear is that we can continue trying to work out the sex and that if she moves in with me and we break up while she is with me, she will have no where to go. No friends in the area. 6 month notice for her contract. I'm at a loss. If we don't live together, we can't work out out sexual issues.
If I also break up with her, I fear I won't find anyone else who can give me the same amount of love. I'm old, bald, short, dating apps don't work for me, and living in a rural area.
Tldr: Girlfriend of 1 year is my best friend and perfect for me but we already have a dead bedroom. She's also moving states to live with me and start a new job in a month. In order for her to move in with me, I have to kick out my parents. If she doesn't move in with me, we can't figure out the sex part.

Hi okay so I haven't posted on here before but I thought i would.
Recently I have noticed across the internet that more and more men are open to the idea of ditching porn and even masturbation due to the idea that it is bad for you. I'm not here to debate whether that is a good idea or not, I just want to talk about my experience with it.
When I was around 9 I was exposed to porn. I had no idea what it was, I did not know what sex was, and I certainly did not know why I was enjoying what I was seeing.
By the age of 11, I was watching porn and masturbating to it once a week and by the time I was a teenager it was at a minimum every other day.
At school I was pretty popular and enjoyed playing sports. I wasn't interested in girls but I would always have disgusting thoughts about people.
It was only during COVID that I realised that the way I was thinking was not acceptable, not to myself, or to anyone else should they find out. I had known about NoFap for years by this point due to No Nut November being a meme/semi-serious thing, but I never cared enough to try it. And even if I did attempt to, I would count the days until one day I would think to myself "eh, 15 days is a lot, I can reset and do 15 days again."
Of course, the above mindset is the wrong one to have. For many people wanting to do NoFap it is about removing those impulses altogether, not about limiting them.
However, one day I suddenly realised - I haven't watched porn or masturbated in a month. And it was totally on accident. It turns out that I was just so indulged in my studies and sports during a really intense period of the year that I had no time or energy to masturbate or watch porn. I would come home late and then fall asleep after eating dinner.
After this period ended and I became self-aware of the fact I hadn't masturbated or watched porn, I relapsed, almost instantly. I suppose the main takeaway from this is to find other ways to spend your time, although I am sure that is advice everybody has heard by now.
In the past year I decided enough was enough. I became more aware of how pornography was affecting me negatively and decided that I wanted to take control of that. I am aware that porn has different effects on different people, but for me I felt uncomfortable with it.
I just went cold turkey and I lasted about a month, until one day I felt very stressed with work and relapsed. When I relapsed, I felt awful. I tried again, lasting only a week and relapsed. I felt twice as awful as I did worse than before.
I had blocked all adult websites, blocked all adult content, put a timer of 1 hour on my social media to reduce the chances of seeing triggers, avoided certain websites and tried to keep myself busy. None of it worked. Somehow, someway, you always find time. Once you depend on something as a reliever for stress (or a distraction) then it is hard to use something else.
Currently I have not watched to porn or masturbated to it for 6 months. For me, I found the trick to be to set a time when I am allowed to watch it or masturbate to it. It sounds bizarre but hear me out.
I told myself that I am only allowed to masturbate once a week, on a Friday after I finish work, sort of as a reward for myself for surviving the week. I can do it for half an hour. In that half an hour I can just do whatever I want, but if I do it outside of that allotted time slot, then I have failed.
I did it like this for a couple of weeks, with additional rules on top. After a certain amount of time, I could no longer watch fetish pornography, or anything outside of what you would consider "vanilla". Then I decided to not watch any pornography at all and just masturbate. After a while (and I mean a while), I found myself not relapsing.
It turns out, in that allotted half hour period on a Friday, I was busy some weeks. In the first few weeks when I missed that time slot, I would be upset with myself and decide that I wouldn't miss it next week. After a while, if I missed it, I wouldn't even realise. After weeks of doing this, I just stopped altogether without even realising. Did it take long? Yes absolutely. Did I relapse outside of the time slot? Yes a couple of times. But was it easier to do than going cold turkey one day? Yes. I know who I am, I am not disciplined to give it up so suddenly. Easing into it like this really helped.
So I still have disgusting sexual thoughts? Yes. Do I still sometimes think about how could it might feel to relapse? Sometimes yes. But I feel better knowing I have that control now.
Our urges to masturbate and watch porn often come from the idea that we are relieving stress. Would you say the same thing about smoking or drinking? When we think of alcohol, we always say that people drink to distract themselves from their stresses - porn does the same thing. We can apply this to nearly any impulsive or addictive behaviour. Start by identifying these behaviours that you have. It can be masturbation and porn, but it can also be video games, eating, drinking, smoking, lying in bed all day or social media. Try and tackle them one by one. You can't do NoFap overnight. To really achieve it in a healthy way requires you to grow, and you can't grow by going cold turkey as you won't fully understand the way porn interacts with you. If you can't get rid of porn now, maybe you can get rid of the junk food or the lazy days in. If you can't get rid of those, maybe you can get rid of the constant scrolling on social media.
You can do it.

The TW is for sexual harassment
For years I've (36F) been dealing with my cousin (27M) sending inappropriate texts in a way that were "accidents" but it's grown increasingly inappropriate. It's a cycle. He sends weird stuff, I tell him that it makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to see texts like that from my family, him stopping for 6 months to a year and then doing it again and now it's even more creepy because he's incorporating telling me he's masturbating low key. For example this last text he said he saw someone outside my area and if j was home. My family lives in multiple houses on the same property, unfortunately, so its not uncommon for us to send texts like this to each other (my dad, female cousin, aunt, sister and grandfather). About a month ago he sent me a text asking if I was going out with his sister (my cousin --whose like my best friend) because he wants to talk to girls. That led to him telling me he's sexually frustrated basically because he can't bring girls over because they get loud, and throwing in casually that's he's masturbating. Immediately sent to his brother (my older cousin), and his sister who already knew what was going on since the last time.
Ofcourse I told him a couple times that I'm not someone he should be talking to about this it makes me uncomfortable he needs to talk to his brother or friend about this kind of stuff basically.
So when he texted me again so quickly after basically saying his dogs were barking at something while he was masturbating.
I haven't replied but told my cousin.
I'm not confrontational. I don't want to have to repeat myself over and over. I don't want to have to be out of my safe zone and tell him off. It gives me anxiety. Also because he lives on the same property. I feel like I told him enough and he is my cousin so he should also just not of in the first place. At this point I know his siblings would be uncertain about it but I want to tell my aunt. However, he's the baby in their family and after losing my other cousin in an accident they kind of over protect my creepy cousin. So I don't know how she would react.
It just sucks when you can't explain to someone that i don't want to go to ___ place because my cousin is going to be there. They always use him to do stuff they can't so if I call and need a favor for something at my house they try to send him and I have to figure out an excuse to not.
I'm not letting this go and will pursue harsher measures but I just needed to vent because I'm having a small panic attack waking up and seeing his text.

This is a secret that is eating me alive; i dont know what this condition is called but i can only get aroused by LESBIANS and the more lesbian they are the better. Like i just want to fuck an actual lesbian one that is the most lesbian ever and i just want to see her under my balls.
Problem is im bringing the fantasy alive im seeking out the situation so that it gets me aroused and then i have fun on my own. Lesbians are so rare here and then i learn that there is this new girl in uni who is and she has never even kissed a man and she is so beautiful too perfect. So i got close with her pretending to be friends and now i masturbate everyday thinking about her and while listening to her whatsapp audio and looking at her pics. Once i even did it while we were on the phone i cant help it
Aita? Im just being so nice and i hug her a lot but i feel like i will eventually slip and tell her something wrong like hey, just suck my dick now. My stupid brain is telling me she may do it because she never tried maybe she wants to try. Help

Tapas Part 3 - Bliss Upon Bliss

Recap
Part 1 covered the concept of tapas, or spiritual austerities, and how you can use tapas to magnify and enhance the sexual energy created through semen retention into tejas, an "inner radiance, fearlessness, majesty, and authority".
It also covered the concept of syntropy, which is how a system is able to conserve, increase and synchronize energy within itself, which is the reason why you get so many benefits from semen retention. Yoga, meditation and tapas all increase syntropy as well.
You can find Part 1 here.
Part 2 detailed how to use tapas to overcome craving, both for the urge to masturbate and for all cravings in general. It detailed some of the science behind why yoga and breathing exercises are just about the most syntropic things you could ever possibly do, by regulating both the endocrine and nervous systems, and activating and clearing out your energy body, called the pranamaya kosha in yoga. Then I introduced some new yogic techniques to introduce more prana and tejas into the system.
You can find Part 2 here.
In this post, we will cover :

• A quick section on "limbic friction";
• How to make good use of the power of resolves, or "strong determinations", in order to boost confidence in yourself, to become the one person you can always count on, and to strategically release dopamine and testosterone in order to rewire your brain to be oriented towards resilience and success;
• Why proper meditation is even more syntropic than the postures and breathing exercises of yoga;
• The process by which meditation purifies the nervous system/mind/consciousness;
• How deep states of meditation, known as jhanas, create the highest level of syntropy within the body-mind system, as well as unbelievable amounts of bliss;
• The relationship between the energy gained from semen retention, the bliss and syntropy of jhana, and how the two relate to tantric sex.

Part 4 will cover :

• How tapas trains circuits within a primitive part of the brain, which, when strengthened, allow you to have built-in, automatic discipline;
• The importance of disciplining oneself with ethics, how it benefits your semen retention practice, and how it is both foundational to success in meditation, as well as a powerful form of tapas;
• A type of meditation on fire itself that quickly builds powerful levels of concentration and can even lead to some trippy experiences. And of course, it greatly increases syntropy and tejas.

Giddy up!

Limbic Friction

Tapas will take your semen retention practice, as well as the rest of your life, to entirely new heights. Tapas involves overcoming limbic friction - the uncomfortable feeling your nervous system creates to try to convince you to stay in your hazy comfort zone, to avoid doing the difficult things.
You know, the things that will allow you to grow.
Limbic friction will also pop up when you try to not indulge in the thing you’re craving.
Limbic friction just keeps you trapped in your tidy little box of comfort. While it may be comfortable and familiar, no real growth can occur inside this box.
Everything you’ve ever dreamed of is on the other side of fear and discomfort.
"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult." - Seneca
The goal of tapas is to simply feel that limbic friction, to fully accept it, and then proceed ahead anyway. That’s it.

Gain Confidence and Boost Testosterone with Resolves

While we’re on the topic of pushing ourselves, let’s discuss the power of making resolves. In the 3rd post of the series on overcoming craving, Becoming a King with Equanimity, we discussed how they make great use of “strong determination sits” in Goenka-style meditation retreats.
This simply means that when you sit for meditation, you make a vow to sit perfectly still for the entire hour of your meditation session - you can’t move your hands, your feet, or open your eyes once the sit begins.
Not only does this up the level of discomfort, forcing you to either develop equanimity or die trying, it also increases your confidence in yourself. You say you’re going to do something tough and you prove to yourself that you can do it.
Strong determination sitting is a powerful practice, but the real point is making a resolve to do something difficult and then sticking to it no matter what.
This practice is called adhitthana, and it is one of the Ten Perfections of Theravadan Buddhism that a person aspiring to awaken must master in order to bring about awakening.
For a beginner meditator, the resolve should be only be to sit every day, with out fail - even if it's just ten minutes.
It’s easy to see why this practice goes hand in hand with tapas. Let's say you are a beginner meditator, and you make a resolve or "strong determination" to sit every single day, for at least ten minutes. For someone who has never meditated, that's actually a pretty tough thing to stick to.
But then, one fine spring Friday afternoon, you meet up with your buddy and grab a couple of beers (or insert whatever your temptation is). You get home and look at your meditation cushion and even ten minutes seems like too much.
This is your mind being a little bitch!
But you're a retainer practicing tapas, and having made this strong determination to sit for ten minutes every night means there is no backing out. To back out is to admit defeat, to let yourself down, and to prove to yourself how unreliable you are.
Barring utter catastrophe, you will do your evening ten minute sit.
So you sit, and even though the meditation drags on and on because you’ve had a couple, you make it through and viola - a big check is deposited in your “confidence and dependability” account.
Making resolutions and sticking to them is a powerful method to make progress fast, not just with your semen retention/yoga/meditation practice, but in life in general.
In a world of uncertainty, when people seem to get more and more flaky and unreliable, be the one person who you can always depend on.
It’s a promise you must keep in order for it to pay off, otherwise you’re just reinforcing the habit that it's ok for your mind to take the easy way out.
Start with small resolutions, resolutions you know you can hold yourself to. You want to set up a positive feedback loop of winning. These successive small wins lead to more wins, as each win increases dopamine and testosterone - a phenomena known as The Winner Effect.

Scientists have found that when we win something, regardless of how small, the brain releases dopamine and testosterone, chemicals associated with confidence, attention, and mood. Interestingly, studies have shown that the brain can rewire itself for success over time.

It's a match against yourself - who will win? Your old lazy self, or the new and improved self?
Strong Determinations in Practice
Once you’ve proven to yourself you can rely on yourself, slowly start upping the ante. Don't try to jump immediately from a slovenly wimp to the Olympic-level athlete of austerities or meditation, because you’ll simply fail - and that's proving to yourself you aren't dependable.
And remember, you can make resolutions with anything, not just yoga and meditation:

• Resolve to not look at your phone for the next hour;
• Or to not get on Reddit at all tomorrow;
• Or to take weekends off of Discord;
• Or resolve to clean your entire room, top to bottom, in one stretch.

Or how about actually starting your workout routine and sticking to it? Or resolve to give up whatever your crutch is, and actually follow through this time? The smart man would be sure to build up with some smaller wins before you try to drop your big crutch.
The goal is simply to stick to your resolutions!
Start off making them small and manageable.
Each time you stick to your resolution will be a win, dopamine and testosterone will be released, and overtime this will rewire your brain towards badassery. Your confidence and strength will grow and grow. Only when there is no more limbic friction from the original resolution do you add another or increase the intensity of the original resolution.
Prove to yourself that you are dependable and watch your confidence skyrocket. I've included a video at the end of this post talking about the benefits of strong determination and resolves as they relate to meditation, but remember - these resolves can benefit you in regards to any behavior.
The late and great Anthony Bourdain

Meditation for Tejas

As we covered in Part 2, yoga, with its postures, breathing exercises, and energetic locks and seals, is easily the fastest and almost the most effective manner of increasing tejas.
What about meditation? Well, let's all be honest, for most beginners, meditation is a bitch. It's difficult to sit down, stop the constant doing, disengage from all that thinking in your mind and focus on one object to the exclusion of all others.
But once you're good at meditating, it is perhaps the most syntropic thing you can possibly do. Stilling the mind is the epitome of conserving energy - your body isn't moving and now, even your mind has reached stillness.
And once you get really good at meditation, a positive feedback loop occurs in the mind, magnifying energy in the body-mind system many times over - so much so that it starts producing an intense bodily bliss and mental happiness, respectively called piti and sukha.
When piti (rapture) and sukha (joy, mental bliss) start arising, you can be sure that you're on the precipice of what is known as jhanas in Buddhism, and dhyana/samadhi in yoga. These are meditative absorptions that are extremely purifying and endlessly praised by the Buddha, not only as one of the proper ways to meditate, but as the one and only type of pleasure to actively seek out.
And believe it or not, the pleasure of jhana can exceed even the pleasure of sex, and can last much, much longer.
You know how people with anxiety get stuck in a loop of rumination that just magnifies their anxiety? Jhanas are the opposite of this anxiety loop.

"Anxiety can capture attention, which can lead to more anxiety, which can capture more attention, and so on, leading to a physiological response (e.g. heart rate changes, sweating, in the extreme case a panic attack). Jhana meditators create a similar positive feedback loop between attention and pleasure." Jhourney - These are guys who led the metta retreat where I was first able to achieve jhanas

Once you can get to this level in your sits, then some real juice is added to your meditation, and tejas will start overflowing.
Thy cup will runneth over, as they say.
And as we'll see in an eventual post in the Craving Series, once you get to the point of reliably reaching jhanas, you can say bye bye to pretty much any and all cravings. Why? Because why would you want to masturbate, getting only 5-10 minutes of pleasure, when you can sit down and hang out in a much more pleasurable jhana for 20 minutes to 2 hours?
And that pleasure, ease and joy follows you around the rest of the day, coloring everything you do. It's difficult to crave when you're already deeply satisfied.

Purificatory Fire of Meditation

But that leaves us with the problem of getting good enough at meditation to achieve those states of bliss, and now that I've mentioned how amazing some of these higher states of meditation can be, I may have inadvertently caused you to crave them.
And you cannot reach jhana from a place of craving. In fact, jhanas are all about letting go. More on that in the Craving Series.
However, worry not! Just beginning on the path of meditation starts working wonders for the purificatory process, no matter how "bad" you may be at it.
Recall how in Tapas Pt 2, I mentioned how effective yoga asanas and pranayama are at cleaning out the gunk and detritus from the nervous system/mind/energy body?
Meditation does the exact same thing, even if you think you're doing it poorly.
So, as a beginner or someone who thinks they "can't meditate", understand that each time you sit down and do metta, or focus on the breath, or do vipassana, or recite a mantra, or whatever, even if you think you aren't meditating well, as long as you know your technique is proper, you're doing great, and it's having quite the purifying effect on the brain/mind/nervous system.
Recall in the previous post how I mentioned that once the gunk is cleared from the system, that it is like living life as a child again? Perceptions become crisp and clear, wonder and joy are always right around the corner, and things become "feather light and paper thin" - meaning things feel less solid, and more vibrant, vibratory, alive.

“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern.” - William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

Here are a few key quotes from one of my favorite books on meditation, The Science of Enlightenment : How Meditation Works by Shinzen Young. I highly recommend this book, especially for science-oriented types. The "fixating forces" he mentions in the following quote are our deeply ingrained habit patterns of chasing after the pleasant and running from the unpleasant (tanha, craving) and the word kleshas refers to the three defilements#Three_poisons) of craving, aversion and ignorance.

"So if, as many believe, we really are imbedded in spiritual reality, why don't we see it? Why isn't every vision beatific? It's because of fixating forces deep down in the subconscious. And our job, according to a plethora of self-help paradigms, is to become free from these forces.
"In the Buddhist, Hindu, and Abrahamic contemplative traditions, the process of becoming free of those limiting forces is sometimes referred to as purification (vishuddhi in Sanskrit; catharsis in Greek). Purification could be described as the process that breaks this material up, digests it, metabolizes it, and (pardon the metaphor) excretes it. Purification is what it 'tastes like' as we are getting free from those limiting grooves. It's a sort of immediate reward. You sense that the limitations of the past are being metabolized and a bright future is being created because of the way you're experiencing a certain something in the present. Once you learn the taste of purification, your growth goes exponential. The ability to taste purification is the sign of a mature spiritual palate.
"From a Buddhist perspective, that old material gets worked through by pouring clarity (mindfulness) and equanimity into the experience of the moment. That clarity and equanimity percolate down into the subconscious and give the subconscious what it needs to resolve/dissolve its issues."
"Through meditation, we smelt away the kleshas (craving, aversion, ignorance). We refine the ore, and we are left with what always was - the pure gold of consciousness."

So three important notes to end on

1. If you're new to meditation, or even if you've had a practice, realize that there are no bad sits! If your mind wanders 100 times in 10 minutes of meditating, and you brought your mind back to its object 101 times, that means you've done 101 "reps". That is a successful sit!
2. Do not crave results! Just focus on the right inputs, and eventually the right outputs appear on their own. The right inputs here being that you sit consistently and with proper technique, in a relaxed and un-expectant manner. Focus on the inputs, the results will come.
3. That sense of struggle that you must overcome to sit on the cushion, plus the subtle (or not so subtle) struggle while you're actually meditating is the taste of purification! That feeling is the feeling of tapas itself! You may not enjoy the feeling (yet), but you can at least know that you're engaging with powerful, purificatory tapas each and every time you sit. Even more so if you start using resolves.

That feeling of resistance is none other than our friend limbic friction. When you feel that limbic friction pop up, and then you do the thing anyway, remember - that's gunk being burned out of the system!

Jhanas, Orgasms, and Tantric Sex

Now, there will be an upcoming post in the Craving Series that will be a deep dive on the style of meditation that produces this bliss and happiness.
If you guys are interested, I made a recent post on metta meditation, which is arguably the easiest way to get into these states. While I think the whole thing is worth reading, feel free to skip to the end for instructions. This was the style of meditation that finally allowed me to begin accessing these states of absorption and bliss, after 13 years of trying to do so.
On the other hand, feel free to skip my post entirely and head straight to one of the links I've included at the end of this post for guided metta meditations.
Metta is a fantastic method for jhana because the feeling of loving-kindness itself is inherently pleasant. Because it is pleasant, your mind will focus easily upon it; because your mind focuses easily upon the pleasant sensation, the pleasantness grows; the mind is able to concentrate more easily upon this increased pleasantness, which then causes the pleasantness to grow even more, on and on and on, until bodily bliss (piti) and mental joy (sukha) start arising and you're blasted into the first jhana.
The Joy of Jhana
What does "being blasted in the first jhana by bodily bliss and mental joy" feel like?
Well, the best way to describe jhana is somewhere between an extended orgasm and being on the love drug MDMA/ecstasy.
"Hold up - that sounds like it would be debilitating to all this energy we've been cultivating... Surely there will be devastating consequences to our semen retention practice, right?"
Orgasms drain you of energy, not just due to the release of prolactin which lowers dopamine and testosterone, but also because of the effect on your nervous system. As you get more and more sexually aroused, energy builds up in your nervous system. Once your nervous system can no longer handle the energy and stimulation, you orgasm, at which point prolactin is dumped into the body and the nervous system starts shaking off all the energy that has accumulated inside.
Toes curl in, eyes roll into the back of the head, and your nerves fire like off like its the Fourth of July, right? You get hormonal dampening, and a good portion of the energy you've been building up and conserving through semen retention, wise use of energy, tapas, yoga, pranayama and meditation gets literally shivered away and shook off.
Jhanas, on the other hand, allow for a very slow build up of energy within the nervous system, (one that doesn't involve your Johnson), but instead of that build up resulting in a big explosion of energy that the nervous system shakes off, it is all contained within and sustained for long periods of time!
This pleasure, which is simply a build up of energy, is extremely purifying to the entire system.
And when the jhana is over, you're left feeling invigorated and refreshed, not drained and depleted, because your nervous system remains supercharged with energy and bliss. Not only will you be radiating good vibes everywhere, but you will be supercharged with our friend tejas, that "inner radiance, fearlessness, majesty, and authority".
The Tantric Sex Connection
This is also one reason why tantric sex is such a powerful adjunct to semen retention. In tantric sex, you build up energy within the nervous system and don't release it - but in this case, the energy comes from sex, not from meditation.
And all of this is even more reason to have a strong yoga practice, because it is only through yoga (or qi gong/tai chi) that you begin to slowly build up prana within yourself, training your nervous system and pranamaya kosha to be able to handle higher and higher amounts of energy.
Through yoga, you also purify the channels, called nadis, through which this energy flows, as well as the chakras, the "power transformers" of the energy body.
If these aren't purfied and opened up, the energy will remain stuck and unable to participate in the feedback loop of jhana, nor of tantric sex. This is a major reason why guys are unable to make it very long with retention - their bodies can't handle the build up of sexual energy, so it seeks release and homestasis the only way it knows how - through orgasm.
Again, I refer you to Can You Handle the Power? if you'd like to read more about the concept of being able to handle more and more energy.
Better yet, skip the reading and get to practicing.

Resources

A quick note on guided metta meditations - you kind of have to shop around to find one you really enjoy. There are many different ways of doing metta, and when you multiply that by the way some teachers sound, whether there is music or not, and the quality of recording, well... Some are hits, some are huge misses.
My recommendation is to find one you like and either stick to it, or better yet, simply do the meditation yourself.
A 30 Day guest pass to the Waking Up app - Amazing resource with 3 different metta modules under the "Practice" tab - Compassionate Awareness is one module, Metta (loving-kindness) is another, and Metta for Everyone.
Shinzen Young on Strong Determination Sits
18 Minute Metta Meditation with Samaneri Jayasara - My favorite of the guided meditations here. She is a fantastic resource, and she has plenty of readings and guided meditations on her Youtube.
35 Minute Metta Meditation with Jayasara - I did not check this video out, so if it isn't great, well..
23 Minute Tonglen Meditation by Tara Brach - Tonglen comes to us from the Tibetan Buddhists, and combines metta with compassion.
14 Minute Guided Metta Meditation with Ayya Khema - This one is interesting.
Rob Burbea Metta Retreat - These are the recordings of a metta meditation retreat led by Rob Burbea, a phenomenal teacher. These include some theory and are all longer sits though - great for strong determination sits!
A great 3 month course for the seriously-inclined beginner meditator, with a section on metta.
A great interview with the guy I learned jhanas from, describing their benefits.

I’m 18m and i really want to break the addiction of masturbation. I masturbated for 6 years, about every 3rd day. Since 2022 i didnt watched porn because i realized that its not good for me. I deleted instagram to eliminate the triggers from there. I sucsessfully breaked this bad addiction. But i can’t leave masturbation.
I masturbated since than only to release my sexual tension in my body, without fantasizing of sex. I’m not stressed, and otherwise i have good habits. But I have two main triggers: when i’m bored home alone, and when i see on the street or on the beach a good looking woman. It’s so hard to control my eyes and thoughs. I dont wanna date because I’m too young for marriage.
When i get an urge and i say to myself to do something else like a hobby or gym, or distract my thoughts with something else, i doesnt have enough willpower and i’m searching an opportunity to relapse. Im going to the gym every weekday but i cant erase my bad thoughts and my sexual urges by making myself physically exhausted.
Right before relapsing i dont care about anything, the consequences or the negative effects to my mentality. Before it I don’t know why it’s bad for me, I’m like bindfolded. I’m like an animal wich wants to mate. I follow my instincts and i cant think about anything else.
But after i relapse, mentally i feel extremely guilty, sad, and even i hit myself, how i was that stupid fool that i cannot control my body and I have sinned against God again, after 6 years of doing it every week. My confidence drops and i dont want to communicate with people after doing it. After an hour physically I feel like nothing happened. But I dont want to pray to God for 1-2 days because i feel that I hurt him again.
Btw I’m a Cristian and i know that God knows whats the best for me. I know that prayer is important. But It’s so hard to resist my urges. I really want to stop but when i get an urge i forget all my promises that i made for myself and for God. I know Satan is using this weakness of mine to distance me from God.
I had streaks of 6, 7, 22, 35 days. A month ago i had a streak of 114 days, the biggest streak ever for me, i didnt had that many urges and even if i got, only small ones. But after this big streak I can’t hold more than 3-4 days. If i’m home alone doing homework or i’m cleaning my room i cant resist sexual urges because no one sees me, only God.
Before masturbating i’m asking myself: 1. Will I be happy after I'm done with it? 2. Will it be pleasurable for me once I'm done with it? 3. Will the pleasure last forever? I know the aswers are obviously NO. But when i got the chance i don’t care about anything and I’ll just do it. Feels so bad i cant control my body.
I really want to break this addiction because i feel that its bad for me. My problem is that when i get the urge and i have a chance, I forget about everything. What should i do?
Sry for my English I hope y’all understand what I wanted to write.

Must be Monday
Well, here we are again Monday morning. And as usual, the sub is littered with “I failed” and “I relapsed” and “I’m such a loser” posts.
Once more — doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is a good working definition of insanity.
Have you eliminated easy access to porn? Know why I’m not looking at porn right now? Because I can’t get at it. I probably could if I really worked at it — reset my phone or something drastic. But that’s a pretty big ask for me. Get rid of apps that you use to access porn. Get rid of browsers if you need to as well. Have someone password protect your AppStore so you don’t redownload and porn out. What’s the key here? DO what you need to do. Is it a pain? Yes. But guess what? It works.
Get accountability in your life. Addiction thrives in isolation. It dies in community. Get another dude in your life — real life — and get accountable. What does that look like? It’s a phone call every day for the next 90 days or so. It’s 2-6 texts a day for the next 90 days or so. It’s coffee once a week together. It’s confession time. All your deepest darkest crap. Get it out there. It’s painful. It’s embarrassing. It’s cleansing. It’s freedom finally.
Get fellowship in your life. Men’s group, youth group, college group, small group— a group of fellow believers ostensibly for a Bible study or going through a study book of some sort, but fellowship breaks out. You learn about them, they learn about you. You find out Mr Perfect over there ain’t so perfect and you let your guard down a bit as well. This is doing life together. It’s vital as Christians to have this going on. You’re going to need help with life — it’s just the way life is and fellowship is how it’s done.
As this is going on, as you get some semblance of sobriety in your life you’ll notice a funny thing happening inside of you. Your heart will begin to change. It won’t seem like much at first. And you’ll probably have periods of doubt that anything is happening at all. But as the days of porning out recede a bit, as you stop fueling the monster of lust you’ve created, things will start to change on the inside.
This really isn’t a porn problem or a masturbation problem. It really is a heart problem. Some fortunate few get emergency surgery and are released the next day. For most of us here, it’s not the way God works. God gives me just a little healing each day. And I’ve gotta go back every day for more. Sometimes three and four times a day. God knows if He gave it to me all at once I’d just take off running and live my life. Doling out His healing a bit at a time keeps me close to Him, dependent on Him. I’m guessing that’s how He works on you too.
This is a Best of Fred, from four years ago.

I mean, you are kinda disapointed by the nerfs, but i was disappointed that even after paying 100 bucks and not pulling meta, i would be top 60 on dreamrealm with my cecia s+, behind 4 PURPLE units, kruger, korin, marilee and odie.
Despite the nerf, you idiots spam "i invested", bro, did your units disapeared from your account? They are still there, usefull in every modes, and odie is top 1 dreamrealm, marilee top 2. Disgusting subhuman raging on a free CHINESE GAME, invest in local politics if "injustices" enrage you like this
Now that the nerf has been applied, paying makes more sense, gems have more value in the shop, and i can go back top TOP 10 with a little bit of trying, because i PAID for speeding up the process, I support the game, you don't, shut up.
What is more awesome is that if you all crying in anger kids quit, it will be even more easier to achieve good ranks for me.
You cry over the end of the honeymoon phase, but everyone is hit by the recession, so you don't lose advantage against all the other players, the state of the game is the same, you can't be competitive over dolphins and whales, ONLY IN A SINGLE MODE.
In the end the game is called AFK journey, and all the contents are easy to clean, IF YOU AFK MORONS.
so what, you thought that you could be competitive because you spent 12h per day on the app, guess what dolphins and whales do it too, so you are just delusional.
If you can leave a game just because there is adjustment, not knowing what the season will give us, i mean yeah, go back on virgin games like nikke that are trashs just because you can masturbate on pixels for free.
My conclusion is: yeah a lot of things are not that great about the game, like voice acting, some models not being as detailed as protagonists. Yeah the shop economy is...interesting, and we all can make suggestions and hope they will be listened.
But you are not talking about making the game a better experience, you are talking about making you more competitive in a way that is not logical, for real grow up and play the game casually if you dont want to pay.

firstly thnx really for all doctors here who is helping people and answer their questions, My message is a bit long, but I wanted to mention all the details. My problem is in the specialty of urology. I'm an athletic young man with no health problems, age 34, single, never had sex before, I masturbat for a few times a weekly, About five months ago, I suddenly and without warning, and immediately after I got out of the shower, experienced severe pain in the left testicle, abnormal pain, to the point that I could not walk or stand due to the severity of the pain. At the same time, I felt pain in my bladder, like a rupture, and I began to urinate a lot. An entire night like this, I used a pain killer that I had, and then the testicle pain began to ease and return until the morning. The second day the pain returned, I went to a nearby hospital, but there was no doctor whose specialty was urology, so they gave Ciprofloxacin 500 and a painkille- diclofenac potassium 50. I used these pills for the next days, The result was the disappearance of the left testicle pain, but a constant feeling of mild pain in the bladder, frequent urination, a constant feeling of the presence of light urine in the urethra, and really strong weakness in the bladder muscles, and I feel when I squeeze the bladder to expel urine that it comes out weakly, and when I squeeze the bladder muscles I do not feel strong control on it as before. The most important thing is a feeling of lack of sexual desire, the absence of a morning erection, and the difficulty of maintaining an erection. I felt that the desire was 90% absent. I stayed like this for a week and I was surprised because usually my desire is strong and I always have a morning erection. Even after that I tried masturbating, but the erection was weak, the desire diminished. To a very large extent, ejaculation was rapid and at an unusual time, and there was no ejaculation, only fluid came out. Unlike my normal condition, the ejaculation was strong and the erection took a long time to disappear, and even after ejaculation the erection remained.
I stayed like this for a while, taking ciprofloxacin, and the symptoms were the same. In fact, I thought I had an enlarged prostate. After two weeks, I visited a urologist in my area, after examining and taking an ultrasound of the area of ​​the ureters, kidneys, and prostate. The doctor did not order a urine analysis or anything, and he said that there is nothing wrong with you and the prostate is fine. Your problem is simple, and it is bloating in the colon that has affected the bladder, and it goes away with time and you will return to your normal condition as soon as possible. He prescribed me Ciprofloxacin 500 two pills a day, and he said take the medicine until you return to normal and there is no need to review, and this has been going on for 4 months and a little, and now I am taking two pills in the morning and evening. If I quit the medication, I feel worse. My current situation: - Urinate quickly after drinking fluids - A feeling of heat in the body in general and constant heat in the genital area after every morning awakening - A feeling of coldness in the head of the penis always - Almost complete absence of sexual desire (and I was usually very active, meaning that I had an erection in the morning and thought less about topics of desire, as there was a response from my body) - Erection is very weak, ejaculation is rapid and small in quantity and comes out without ejaculation. (I tried masturbating several times during this period to see if my condition was normal or not.)

• After ejaculation, sexual pleasure disappeared by 80 percent compared to my previous normal state.
• The external area of ​​the penis began to feel that its response to the sense of touch had diminished by 50 percent or more, to the point that sometimes I pinched it forcefully and did not feel anything. Unlike before, the penis was sensitive to any touch.
  My psychological condition has worsened for these reasons, and I want to visit a good doctor later im looking for a new one in my area,cuz i live in a place wich doesn't have the good doctors. In general, what do the specialists think about this case, Will I remain like this, because I really feel that I have become sexually impotent?
  

*sorry for my english, it not my native language

Some background about me.
25 y/o UK Instrumentation & control technician Earn anywhere between £5,000 to £13,000 per month depending upon the contracts I get, so, I'm not exactly poor nor am I rich. But it takes up my time and severely restricts location freedom as I have to move to the jobs whether it be in a different part of the country or out on an oil rig. Girlfriend of 3 years, nice house, nice car blablablabla..
Bit unrelated but since I've always been on self improvement I wake up at 5am and go to the gym and sauna/cold plunge religiously. Sucking my own dick I know but I'm in great shape and feel like my mind is sharp and I'm always motivated. I feel.. READY to make something of myself.
Now I've watched self improvement for YEARS, I'm talking since I was 15. I've binged it all. You can't name a channel on YouTube in the business/entrepreneuself improvement niche I haven't watched. Outside of work that's my mental masturbation life. In the car, in bed, at my computer, even at work.
But even after all this research, even after being able to talk for 8 hours straight about every niche mentioned and after feeling and looking good..
I don't know what to do.
I've tried stuff of course, dropshipping, SMMA, day trading, but I don't know how to put it.. nothing has stuck?
I wouldn't say I've gave those business models my absolute all in terms of effort, maybe I'd be much better off if I did continue those stores I made years ago.
But can anyone help me diagnose this feeling of being lost? Maybe it's because I've watched too many different content on all the vehicles to success? Maybe something shouldn't have to 'stick' and I should shut up and pick one and give it my all?
I'm just an absolute mega wantrepreneur and other than 'take action', does anyone have any wisdom for me?
I'm basically just procrastinating and being a wantrepreneur by seeking out advice here I know.. But I just don't know which path to take or what to do right now.
Lost is my best description of the feeling.
Thanks for listening <3