Razer burn like rash between legs

What is Dark Magic?
That's the question, I'm sure, if not every single one, but the majority of readers asked themselves at least once. Dark Magic in general is described as magic malicious in nature, one that's used to cause harm. It doesn't really make sense: a good applied Incendio is just as well to kill you as a swift Killing Curse, even more painfully, in fact. Or why Imperius is Unforgivable, but love potions are totally fine and legal and not considered Dark? And I'm sure people here are painfully familiar with many such arguments.
Did you know that "Petrificus Totalus" spell Hermione used on Neville at the end of the first book is a dark charm? Apparently, according to "The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1" from Pottermore, jinxes, hexes and curses (though the last one is obvious) are all dark spells. And that includes such things as Ron's Slug-Vomiting Curse, Ginny's signature Bat-Bogey Hex, even Leg-Locking Curse that Draco used to bully Neville in first year. All because their purpose is to cause a negative effect.
So, some Dark Magic is bad, but other is used regularly in schoolyard fights, and no one bats an eye. Where's the line and who sets it?
Alright, Dark Magic in canon doesn't make sense. That means, that a lot of fic writers take it upon themselves to fill the gaps in logic and give their own definitions of what magic constitutes as dark. From the top of my head, I can remember a few, let me know if you recognize them:

• Dark magic is magic that's powered by emotions. Everyone knows that to properly use Killing or Cruciatus Curse, you have to fully desire to cause death and pain, so that fits. Also, by this definition, Patronus Charm is dark because it's powered by happiness. Why not, quite a good irony.
• Dark magic is powered by external source, while "light" magic is internal. I don't remember the details, but it was something to the effect that external makes it more powerful, and power corrupts, so it's feared. A bit strange but has a nice message behind it. Also, why I'm on the topic, a friendly reminder to those who are too deep in fanon and mix things up with canon. There's no such thing as "light" magic, just like there was no "Light" side in the war. There's Dark and there's everything else.
• Dark magic is one that is secret familial magic. People develop or discover new spells and for whatever reason decide not to share them, but to hoard them in their family grimoire, so other people don't know such a powerful spell or countermeasures against it. Usually this is followed by some heavy pureblood Houses politics, Lordships and such. Also, I've seen fics where bloodline gifts such as Tonks' metamorphmagus ability were considered Dark Magic for whatever reason (Bashed Dumbledore's propaganda to suppress pureblood Houses, more likely).
• Dark magic is the one that's forbidden by government. This is my personal favorite, as I prefer harder magical systems. In this case, it means that there's nothing inherently wrong in this magic, it's not different in nature from any other magic, just one that's seen as too dangerous. Of course, it also invites a heavy abuse by government to declare anything they don't want to as dangerous Dark Magic that's to be prosecuted for, but that's another story.

I like these theories, I like when people try to come up with their own interpretations or their ways to fill the holes in lore and logic. Not all of them I agree with, but it hardly matters.
What peeves me, however, is when authors use this fact, that there's no clear definition of Dark Magic or Dark Arts, as an excuse to basically do whatever they want. A character (more likely, main one) does or practices something that people don't like, so they just accuse them with an empty argument "it's bad, it's Dark Magic!". And no one can argue, because no one understands what Dark Magic even is! They don't have a box list of criteria to disprove. "I don't know what you're doing, I don't understand it - it's Dark Magic, it's bad."
It's one of the favorite arguments in Hermione or Order bashing stories when MC does something they do not approve of. Dumbledore bashing uses a bit different arguments, but this one can also be included.
It's just such a... I don't want to call it a bashing tool, because I can't say if every such story involves a heavy bashing, but it has potential to be, at least. I'd call it a bludgeoning tool. Just a blunt method to make characters do whatever they want without the need for any finer details: it's so much easier to just use the brand "Dark Magic" and get over it, why give any explanations.
Although, to be completely fair, canon does it as well to some extent.

“Did something happen to it when Flint blocked him?” Seamus whispered.
“Can’t have,” Hagrid said, his voice shaking. “Can’t nothing interfere with a broomstick except powerful Dark magic — no kid could do that to a Nimbus Two Thousand.”

Non-Dark magic can't do something like that? What is Dark about taking control of a broom anyway? Though, admittedly it's Hagrid, no matter his virtues, not the most reliable or knowledgeable of sources on this topic.

“Ask him,” shrieked Filch, turning his blotched and tearstained face to Harry.
“No second year could have done this,” said Dumbledore firmly. “It would take Dark Magic of the most advanced — ”

Again, I don't understand what the heck it is, so it must be Dark Magic. But, it is Dumbledore and highly knowledgeable wizard, plus it's clearly a harmful effect, so it's more assumption based on those, plus experience.

“Nonsense, O’Flaherty,” said Professor Binns in an aggravated tone. “If a long succession of Hogwarts headmasters and headmistresses haven’t found the thing — ”

“But, Professor,” piped up Parvati Patil, “you’d probably have to use Dark Magic to open it — ”
The Chamber of Secrets can't be kept a secret without resorting to Dark Magic? If no one found it, so it must be something truly obscure and terrible, so it's Dark. But, I mean, she's a second year girl...

Black jumped at being addressed like this and stared at Hermione as though he had never seen anything quite like her.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how — how did you get out of Azkaban, if you didn’t use Dark Magic?”
But Hermione surely disappoints here. Apparently, non-Dark countermeasures are all accounted for, so if they failed he must have used some Dark stuff.
It's very sad picture, which says about either ignorance on the matter, which is excusable for children but pity that it's not taught, or arrogance in the assumption that you know every bit of non-Dark magic there is and can be.
Anyway, we came back to the canon and it's understanding of Dark Magic. I spent some time thinking about it, what J.K.Rowling meant by it, without resorting to any headcanons.
No one can argue that Harry Potter series is filled with symbolism as any good fiction tends to be. It's a story for children, at least started as, and young adults, so besides a good adventure it also contains a moral message and more than one. The story of Boy-Who-Lived is about love and redemption, first and foremost. "Love is the most powerful thing in the world" is not just a preaching of a senile old man, but the most central point of the whole book series.
So, based on this, I believe that in canon Dark Magic at its basics is the magic that corrupts the soul. What it means is open to interpretation, as it often is when the topic of a human soul is involved. It's all based on the same moral messages between the lines: when you do bad things to others, it slowly but surely corrupts your soul, and if you fall into temptation, only love and compassion can heal the harm done to yourself. Harry vs Voldemort is basically the fight between Love and Hate, Soul and Soulless. That's why Patronus is basically an epitome of defense. And that's why Horcruxes are considered to be The Darkest of Magic, when it literally tears the soul apart. And that's why the cold blooded murder is even involved in the process of making one - metaphorical tear becomes literal.
To be completely honest, I find myself a bit resentful of the message, no matter how nice and beautiful it sounds. It somehow implies that soul is only about love, compassion, friendship and so on, that any negative feelings do not and must not have a part in it. But, I guess, it's a bit too much of a philosophical, ethical and psychological question to dive into in here.

I have tried two solo mechanitor runs that have ended badly. I think that my problem is expanding too quickly. I started on an ice oasis map from geological landforms. My guy has genes to resist the cold. My problem is that I like a nice sized base with plenty of rooms for different things. I believe that is bloating up my colony value and resulting in more raids.
I think I am going to try a temperate forest start with a limited growing season (I have been doing full year growing for the most part). That will allow me to ease into it.
So here is where I would like your two cents:
Is making a base with rooms for everything that I walk between bad for wealth? Can I have a bed room, kitchen, workshop, etc. Or is that going to overwhelm me?
What tips do you have for a good starting pawn? I know I need crafting, construction, and intellectual as a passion and preferably the tough trait. Any other advice or ideas?
What can I do to keep myself organized? Is a small one room base best or what?
I plan on doing things to eliminate wealth, such as burn corpses, hold off on mining (went crazy with the mining bot and have 4k steel on the map causing my wealth to bloat up for no reason). Is there any other good stuff to do for wealth?
Any recommended mods? I have like 90 already... I use mostly qol and retexture and dubs bad hygiene.
Any other general tips for this start?
Thank you all in advance for any input that you share!

Hi Horror fans! I am back with a few more reviews. I normally try to mix up the new and the old the classic and the atypical when I can. My success varies depending on which books call to me. Let me know what you think!
Lowest reviewed to highest.
Survivor Song by Paul Tremblay
Premise- A new rabies virus is running rampant in Massachusetts and Nats is running out of time. Almost ready to give birth and exposed to the rapidly advancing virus she needs help before the baby arrives or she succumbs…
Thoughts- This book almost broke my DNF record. It has been a long time since I gave up on a book and this was close. If it wasn’t a relatively short book (around 300 pages) I don’t think I would have powered through. I disliked one of the main characters throughout (Nats) finding her grating and her attempts at humour embarrassing. It also employs just about every cliché ever put into the apocalyptic or outbreak genre and then makes it worse by being self referential about the cliches. Then towards the end the other main character who I didn’t mind as much becomes so selfish (I understand she’s trying to help her friend but come on) that she willingly endangers a busload of people just for her own ends. All of this is without delving into the awkward and awful kid “slang” Tremblay employs for about 50 pages in the middle of the book. My wife really enjoyed the audiobook for his A Head Full of Ghosts so I will probably try that before writing him off as an author who is not for me but he has a really difficult hill to climb after this. A final thing to note much of this book even when action was occurring felt plodding and slow somehow which I can’t even wrap my head around because rabies infected people chasing down our main characters should be exciting but I could barely keep my eyes open.
Rating- 2/5. Not a 1 because I finished it. Do not recommend. Read any other apocalyptic or outbreak book The Stand or Swan Song comes to mind.
Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman
Premise- The Black Death ravages the French countryside and evil lurks behind every corner. A former knight turned brigand encounters a young girl who is more than she seems. Can he find redemption? Does he deserve it?
Thoughts- This is another horrorlit darling. I actually picked up Buehlman’s fantasy novel The Blacktongue Thief first in anticipation of this this novel because it was the only novel of his available at my book store. I enjoyed that and appreciated the author’s humour and dark side. This novel came with a lot of hype as it has to be one of the most recommended books in this sub. The premise of a medieval horror which features demons and devils was incredibly appealing and my wife and I decided to read through it at the same time (her on audio). We both found it pretty underwhelming which I know might be controversial. It’s strange because its well written, I enjoy the characters and the setting but somehow it did not gel with me. The best way I can describe it is it felt almost like a horror show with say 22 episodes. Like most shows with 22 episodes a lot of them are filler or freak of the week episodes and that is how a lot of the middle of the book felt to me. We would travel along with Thomas and Delphine, they would encounter something strange and remarkable (occasionally horrifying) and move on to another area where another strange or remarkable thing would happen. It felt oddly disconnected. Now I need to talk about the ending which didn’t redeem my feelings about a large portion of the book but it was my favourite thing about this novel for sure. It ends in a fantastic way and encapsulates what I think the author was going for throughout the book but didn’t land for me until the end with themes concerning sin, redemption and second chances. This might be the definition of a book I appreciate and can see what others love about it but didn’t register with me for large portions. That ending though, so good.
Rating-3.5/5 stars. An interesting setting for a modern horror novel let down by some meandering adventures which caused it to lose me somewhat before ending on a high note.
Little Heaven by Nick Cutter
Premise- Three hardened mercenaries team up for what seems like an easy job, rescue a woman’s nephew from a cult down south. What it turns into is a fight for their lives which will haunt them down through the years and will make them wonder if they ever really escaped Little Heaven?
Thoughts- My second foray into the work of horrorlit darling Nick Cutter. I enjoyed The Troop and found it suitably disgusting and chilling to earn the reputation it has in the wider horror fan annals. I actually think I prefer Little Heaven overall. One of my biggest gripes with The Troop was its lack of meaningful characters and many of them felt like stereotypes and while some of the characters in Little Heaven fall a little into that category (the Reverand in particular is just a straight black heart) the main group were all well realized in my opinion and despite their obvious shortcomings I came to root for them. Cutter per usual is a master with description, creeping the reader out with every mention of things slimy, crawly or looming. In this book he has included some pages of art which further the atmosphere and really burn some of the images into your mind (one rather tall character in particular). I enjoyed the back and forth between the two timelines, one during the initial trip to Little Heaven in the 60’s and the ugly return in the 80’s. It had almost an It like feeling of needing to overcome your fear when you know what is awaiting you but finding the courage decades later to face it regardless. Similarly to The Troop, Cutter doesn’t give us the Hollywood happy ending either which I enjoy, you get your elements and take what you can from such an evil place. Without going into spoilers there were things about the ultimate confrontation which I disliked (mostly the reveal of what is within the black rock itself) and things which I enjoyed a lot (the ultimate fate of one of the main characters). I think that I have now read what I would consider his two most applauded books I can move onto the one which splits horror audiences in half, The Deep. Overall though Cutter writes horror that really is a page turner and I will continue to read him until he proves otherwise.
Rating-4/5 stars. Another fast-paced creepy jaunt evoking elements of Heart of Darkness (and modern horror takes like Children of Chaos) and the two timeline split involving children obsessed evil like King’s It, Mr. Cutter continues to impress and make it his own.
Empire of the Vampire by Jay Kristoff
Premise- The sun has gone dark and the great empire of Elidaen is at war. Not with their neighbouring countries but the great unholy horde of undying monsters that make up the vampiric kingdoms. Gabriel De Leon will learn what it means to survive and battle against these creatures on his journey to becoming a member of the Silversaints, the great brotherhood of warriors who try to keep the darkness at bay.
Thoughts- Let me start by saying that putting this into my horror reviews is a little of a stretch. This is really more of a dark fantasy book with horror trappings. If you just want straight horror and are not into fantasy as a genre maybe give this one a pass, but if you do enjoy fantasy even a little please check this out. It is epic in scale with fantastic characters and really fun dialogue. If I am being reductive it is like 70% Witcher, 20% Blade and 10% Interview with a Vampire. I happen to enjoy all three of those things quite a bit so I loved this book. The story bounces between three time frames, the framing story in the “present” where Gabriel is imprisoned and telling his life story to his vampire jailor, his origin story taking place when he is around 16 telling of his upbringing and becoming a Silversaint and finally him as a 32 year old on a quest for the holy grail. Kristoff does a really good job at least early on keeping the reader engaged on each story as they bounce back and forth and I never felt too much like I needed to go back to the other time line even though I was always interested in what would happen next. There was one sequence which dragged a little for me (basically the sequence going to and time in Redwatch) but it is a minor gripe in a hell of a book. I am very excited for the sequel which should be out in first half of 2024. This book looks from the title and cover a little juvenile but it is very adult (many brutal murders, battles, amusing and creative cursing and a fair bit of the sexy stuff) so do not be scared off by appearance alone. A definite recommend from me. I could see some people finding the dynamics and themes well trodden from other recent media as mentioned Witcher and things like The Last of Us, but the world and characters Kristoff creates makes it work despite the familiarity.
Rating-4.5/5 stars. A brilliant start to what I hope will be the and amazing vampire series.
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer by Patick Suskind
Premise- Jean-Baptise Grenouille is born with a unique ability, the most extraordinary nose of all time. He can remember, store and create any scent he wishes. To that end he “collects” as many as possible and aims to create the greatest perfume known to mankind. Unfortunately, the best scents that he wishes to capture for his perfume comes from virginal teenage girls and he will take their odour no matter the cost….
Thoughts- I prepared myself for this book based on comments from fellow readers by expecting it to fall into the more distinguished “literature” side of the horror genre. It did but it still surprised me with the directions that it went in. I was expecting more focus lets say on the murders themselves and Suskind does such an amazing job detailing the inner workings of Grenouille’s mind that when we finally get to that part of the book we absolutely understand why they are not really the focus of the novel but merely a means to an end. The descriptions of odours are amazing and a few times I felt myself almost gagging at some of the images Suskind conjures with his prose. I am not a prose person but he does a wonderful job detailing scents in a way you would never think of. The journey Grenouille goes on is utterly unexpected and fascinating. You truly get a strange insight into this broken creature and why he is doing what he is doing and how ultimately the murders mean nothing to him but a way to capture or collect his perfume which is his ambition. The last few pages erupt into a madhouse of defied expectations just when I thought we would have a fairly basic ending Suskind pulls the rug out once again. It also really underlines how animal humanity can be and what we can be reduced to based on our senses.
Rating-5/5 stars. A truly unique novel which defied all expectations. Very different and easy to recommend to horror readers who want something out of the ordinary.
THANKS FOR READING!
If you want to read my previous horror reviews I will post the links here:
Devil in the White City, The Troop, The Damnation Game, Swan Song, The Fisherman and Something Wicked This Way Comes
https://www.reddit.com/horrorlit/comments/15a7jvq/review_sixpack/
Playground, Ghost Story, Red Dragon, The Exorcist, Children of Chaos
https://www.reddit.com/horrorlit/comments/17a3s9t/halloween_season_reviews/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Mr. Gaunt and Other Uneasy Encounters, Mongrels, Strange Weather, Let the Right One in, The Final Girl Support Group
https://www.reddit.com/horrorlit/comments/18282lx/fall_horror_reviews_feat_graham_jones_hill/
Potential Options Upcoming books:
Owned- Old Country by Query, The Fireman by Hill and Carrion Comfort by Simmons (started this one got about 1/3 through and put it down wasn’t clicking despite me loving his Sci-Fi).
Wishlist- The Imago Sequence and Other Stories by Barron, Boy’s Life by McCammon.

Scheduled for June 3 R-THR. I am mostly concerned with struggling to get off the furniture 😂 All of our furniture is pretty cushy and the arms are squishy, I won't be able to use them to push off to get myself up. Even now I have to scoot forward and push off the back of the couch to get off because it slopes backward. Same with our recliners. And our bed is pretty high off the ground, I have to hop up on it now so not sure how I will manage that, might need a step stool).
Is a walker with a brake on it good enough to put in front of me to push myself up with? Do I need to consider a wedge or something to sit on so I am not sloped back as much? I see they also make canes that have a stabilizer handle in the middle to help with getting up, is that a better option? Like this: https://www.livehealthsmart.com/Sit-To-Stand-Quad-Cane
When I had knee surgery I used a single crutch in front of me between my legs to push myself up from sitting, this reminded me of that. I'd use the crutches but I don't have them anymore and don't want to store another set. I might also just be over-thinking, which I am prone to 😂

Obvious throwaway because I'm still just confused by this situation and some mutual people know me on here.
So my roommate in college had friends over about three weeks ago and it was 6 people half mutual friends and half just her friends and we were kind of collectively getting ready (two were already ready but that's aside) anyway everyone was super friendly until I was doing my makeup and one girl Amy (fake name) was like kinda jokingly "wow that shades kind of dark" and I was like huh? And she went on saying my foundation shade was too dark for me and that it looked like I was trying to make myself darker. I was kind of put off because it was so accusatory out of nowhere and she was standing in my doorway and I don't know if half the ppl heard her over the music but she just stood there waiting for my response and I just kind of shrugged and gestured to the rest of my body, legs, etc that's darker than my face (bc I usually only wear sunscreen on my face also anemia makes my face and eyes paler)
She stepped into my room and pointed at my concealer which is lighter than my skin tone and said "that one's better"
I said "that would make me look sick and this is my summer shade I just haven't gotten this dark yet" bc I have been wearing the same two shades of foundation since I was in middle school and I usually end up mixing them in the winter anyway.
She made this super annoyed face at me and said "it's like you're trying to look like us" gestures at herself and behind her "you don't have to fit in you know"
I think for this it's important to note of the 7 of us I'm the second lightest person, I'm mixed and an orphan and I don't know my ancestry so I don't claim anything other than white on census stuff because everyone in my life family, friends have guessed differently and I don't want to be wrong on federal records or like take advantage of opportunities like scholarships and bipoc internships and stuff when I can't actively claim any one identity. Most of the girls are mixed native/latina/white Amy is mixed I think Latina and white? Or maybe Afro Latina? But I don't know she's in the middle of the spectrum as far as skin tone goes and three girls including my roommate are way darker than her.
So I told her I wasn't trying to be like anyone and I just wanted to look normal not pale and sick and she said "you're like the only white girl here, I know you feel left out but it's okay, you can still go out with us" and I just felt so gutted I didn't say anything like??? What does that even mean why would I be left out? I'm not even the only "white girl" there's another girl who's white but Latina. Not to mention this is the first time I met Amy and didn't see her after that night. I don't want to get between so I haven't told my roommate what happened because I also like don't know if I'm in the wrong and need to ask roommate for Amy's socials to apologize? And get new makeup? Or what?

Background: started at 185lbs. Used steps/walking only to lose weight to 157 at my lowest. Minimal dieting other than being more mindful. Gained back 15 lbs in 3 months this year. Recently refocused to lose those and get back to goal. Lost 4lbs in a week and then gained 5lbs in 3 days.
So I'm OVER where I started 2 weeks ago despite clocking between 13k-22k steps a day. I have been closing the zone minutes, step count, and calorie count almost every single day on my fit bit. I'm really serious right now! But obviously if that's not making the scale go down it's diet so I re-downloaded MFP. Linked my fitbit for steps and to try to keep track of everything kinda in one place for a holistic view.
Let me just explain to you my absolute shock of seeing MFP say the 9,300 steps I got this morning clocking 38 zone minutes burned JUST 93 CALORIES. Now I also understand these aren't totally accurate, bur that just seems....ridiculous. That essentially covered my collagen powder. What gives? Why would it be SO LOW? Should I just stick to closing the 3 fitbit rings and logging separately? I know how many calories I need to eat for defecit, so it's not a problem of like needing my TDEE. But I just wanted to have the clear cut data in one place so I can also rule out any weird thyroid or hormonal crap playing a part. Should I log food in fit bit instead and keep it there? Frustrating discovery to say the least!

I’m (22f) 5’6 and have been between 200 and 206 for the last 2, 3 weeks while on a calorie deficit. Before that I lost a steady amount, my initial weight was 220. I have no idea why I’m not losing (and even gaining) since I’m tracking strictly and eating a lot of frozen meals, which aren’t the healthiest I know but I like them because of the easy to log calorie counts. I also do high intensity walk/ run intervals for like half an hour each day too (trying to build up to run a 5k, making great progress!)
I’m going to include an example of my food logs from yesterday, if anyone can tell me where I may be going wrong here I’d appreciate it! I know this isn’t healthy food btw, I’m just trying to get my calories nailed down starting out and then will make healthier food choices going forward (if I do too much at once it’s hard to stick to it). Also I have a food scale I use too so counts should be accurate. Thanks!
Calorie goal: 1380, food: 1289, exercise calories burned: 260.
Breakfast/ lunch: 740. (Cantina chicken bowl from Taco Bell, one Cinnabon delight, naval orange)
Dinner: 430 (red baron single serve mini pizza)
Snacks: 119 (100g blackberries and 1.5 cups of skinny pop popcorn)
(Don’t usually skip breakfast or eat out, but it was a late morning lol)

I’m (22f) 5’6 and have been between 200 and 206 for the last 2, 3 weeks while on a calorie deficit. Before that I lost a steady amount, my initial weight was 220. I have no idea why I’m not losing (and even gaining) since I’m tracking strictly and eating a lot of frozen meals, which aren’t the healthiest I know but I like them because of the easy to log calorie counts. I also do high intensity walk/ run intervals for like half an hour each day too (trying to build up to run a 5k, making great progress!)
I’m going to include an example of my food logs from yesterday, if anyone can tell me where I may be going wrong here I’d appreciate it! I know this isn’t healthy food btw, I’m just trying to get my calories nailed down starting out and then will make healthier food choices going forward (if I do too much at once it’s hard to stick to it). Also I have a food scale I use too so counts should be accurate. Thanks!
Calorie goal: 1380, food: 1289, exercise calories burned: 260.
Breakfast/ lunch: 740. (Cantina chicken bowl from Taco Bell, one Cinnabon delight, naval orange)
Dinner: 430 (red baron single serve mini pizza)
Snacks: 119 (100g blackberries and 1.5 cups of skinny pop popcorn)
(Don’t usually skip breakfast or eat out, but it was a late morning lol)

Eivor is a bit of a strange protagonist.
She’s basically flawless and without blame. She’s brash and bold, proud and unashamed — brave and wise far beyond her years, yet able to be soft and compassionate when not brandishing spears. She’s got a knack for leadership, a strong moral compass and an even stronger muscular system with which to enact justice.
And she’s got bars?
As someone not deeply versed in medieval European histories, imagine my shock and confusion upon discovering that Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla included rap battling.
My first experience with Flyting had me asking so many questions about what I just witnessed that I couldn’t wait to begin Googling. I figured flyting probably was historically accurate, but if that’s the case, then what else can it tells us about the medieval warrior and about Eivor’s characterization?
I set off to find out.
--
Wikipedia and howstuffworks combined gave me a robust definition of flyting.
A ritual, poetic exchange of insults practiced mainly between the 5th and 16th centuries. Examples of flyting are found throughout Scots, Ancient, Medieval and Modern Celtic, Old English, Middle English and Norse literature involving both historical and mythological figures. The exchanges would become extremely provocative, often involving accusations of cowardice or sexual perversion.
The idea behind flyting was to influence public opinion of the participants and raise both of their profiles. And each participant wanted to make himself look better than the other, even if they were friendly.
Not only that, but flyting’s also the first recorded use of shit as an insult. That right there is worth this whole essay and then some.
--
I came away from those definitions with some small Euphoria, as they reinforce what I already expected from Ubisoft — historically accurate and (arguably) immersive side activities grounded in realism.
Unfortunately, none of the flyting foes that Eivor faces in this fantasy are founded in any real-world flyters. I was particularly frustrated when I realized Fergal the Faceless and Borghild the Alewife’s Bane were fictional features, not real historical fiends of rhythm and rhyme.
Two of Eivor’s syntax competitors are “real” in some sense, however.
In Norse mythos, Odin, Thor, Loki, Freyja and more would handle their Family Matters over a flyte from time to time, dueling wits and words as competition and entertainment.
In fact, one flyte we do see in game — Odin as he flytes over the river with Thor in the Asgard Arc — is likely a reference to a real medieval Norse poem; The Hárbarðsljóð.
In it, Thor jaunts back to Asgard after a journey in Jötunheim. He comes to a junction in which he must jump a large river, and thus hunts down a ferryman to shepherd him across. The ferryman, Hárbarðr, is Odin in disguise. He then begins to diss guys.
Ahem. ‘Guys’ being Thor, obviously.
First, Odin drops a yo-mama joke:

Of thy morning feats art thou proud, but the future thou knowest not wholly; Doleful thine home-coming is: thy mother, me thinks, is dead.

He keeps going, taking more shots than a First Person Shooter, this time saying Thor dresses like a girl:

Three good dwellings methinks, thou hast not; Barefoot thou standest and wearest a beggar’s dress; Not even hose dost thou have.

Thor says watch your mouth before I clap back:

Ill for thee comes thy keenness of tongue, if the water I choose to wade; Louder, I ween, than a wolf thou cryest, if a blow of my hammer thou hast.

Odin replies by saying Thor’s wife is fucking another dude:

Sif has a lover at home, and him shouldst thou meet; More fitting it were on him to put forth thy strength.

The version we play out in game isn’t identical to the real-world poem, but carries some similarities; Thor’s threatening to cross the river to fight Odin as well as his boasting of slaying giants are present in each.
Ratatosk is the only other ‘real’ flyting enemy in Valhalla. While Odin doesn’t flyte with Ratatosk in Norse myth to my knowledge, the flyting against the squirrel is thematically accurate, at least.
Ratatosk’s purpose is to scramble up and down Yggdrasil, scurrying spoken messages from the eagle that sits at its peaks to the snake that slithers at its base. The nature of Ratatosk’s messages is in line with the act of flyting — the mischievous rodent carries falsehoods and aggressive statements to stir up drama and distrust between bird and serpent.
Flyting took place not only in poems and folklore, but in town squares and royal court. It was a facet of medieval life and social interaction. This weaving of prose then, in this time period, seemingly was just about as much of an admired skill as the swinging of a sword. It’s no wonder our unbreakable warrior Eivor is so proficient with word.
--
Like, really proficient with word.
I mean, I know it’s me choosing the dialogue options, but sheesh, is there anything she can’t do?
Actually, Eivor’s expertise in flyting is strange to me. It feels random and unearned — out of character, even. It comes more unexpectedly than Kendrick Lamar’s Not Like Us.
It probably only feels out of character, however, due to our modern understanding of proficiency with words versus proficiency with might. Our current interpretation of verbal ability compared to physical ability would perceive verbal ability as the ‘softer’ of the two skillsets. Physical strength is typically interpreted as tough and more dominant. You don’t expect to see an MMA fighter composing poetry, do you? The qualities that modern thought attributes to writing and physicality don’t mesh.
But in reality — and historically accurately in Valhalla — medieval warriors weren’t just blind berserkers. They were actually artists, poets and writers.
We’ve already demonstrated how Odin and Thor — Norse myth’s most famous warriors — carried out flyting. Thus, medieval Vikings would’ve surely done the same. Beyond Vikings though, the Illiad contains instances of public, ritualized abuse. Taunting songs are present in Inuit culture while Arabic poetry contains a form of flyting called naqa’id. Further, Japanese Samurai were known to be frequent composers of haiku, while Japanese culture also gave birth to Haikai, poetry in which vulgar satire and puns were wielded.
This historical accuracy ends up eliminating the randomness of Eivor’s flyting ability. Despite her verbal finesse feeling unearned, we can surmise historically that Eivor has practiced the wielding of words plenty in her life before we take over as the player. She’s dedicated time to this.
Now that we know why she has it, we can take a closer look at what it does for her.
--
So, Eivor can rap. She can match you with her axe or she can match you with her words. She’s just about unbeatable.
Her mastery of words demonstrates on some level that she’s not all Push Ups and might is right. She’s not all bruiser and bluster, burn and berserk. She’s an appreciator of the finer things — the more abstract, mental skills that require brain power, deftness and finesse.
This duality of strength and genius rounds out Eivor into a deeper, richer, more admirable character. More than just raw muscle in pursuit of glory, Eivor’s mastery of verse demonstrates her prioritizing not just her body, but her mind.
And it goes a long way for her.
Eivor can use her prowess with prose to progress past pointless plot points throughout Valhalla’s plethora of arcs and missions. It’s just a stat check in the end, but with enough practice flyting and enough charisma gained, Eivor unlocks new dialogue options that bend the world around her to her will.
Witch hunters in Eurvicscire on the brink of terrorizing Moira can be dispersed verbally rather than brawled or killed. There’s an entire riddle-solving fetch quest in Wincestre that can be skipped completely by telling King Aelfred’s abbot fuck off (figuratively). Eivor’s sharpening of her mind protects her body, saves her time, and allows her to frictionlessly fell her endeavors.
Her articulate advances don’t just alter her into admirability, they allow her to influence people and progression. With semantics from her mouth and twists from her tongue, Eivor can have her way whenever she wishes. In a game this large, I’m only left longing that the opportunity to make use of this charisma wasn’t relegated to niches.
Regardless, if medieval England is butter, Eivor’s tongue is the hot knife that behooves her move through her subduing more smoothly.
It all just goes to show that ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ flyte is right.

Reposting because I think reddit auto-removed this thinking it was spam? Using a throwaway account for privacy reasons.
For context I consider myself genderfluid, on T but am fairly androgynous, trying to present more as "male" socially but I'm definitely pretty fruity for a guy.
So I've got this male friend, we're quite close. Probably the closest friend in my city that I have outside of the people I live with. When we met we hit it off pretty much immediately, and nowadays we go out for drinks very regularly. When we first met I kinda got the vibe that he was into me which I shrugged off. I've had this experience before where a particular kind of guy who is not necessarily straight, but has definitely not explored their attraction to men/more masculine people, becomes interested in me. It's not a big deal for me when this happens, never had any creepy shit go down it just makes me laugh and sometimes I have to make an awkward rejection.
Anyway, I had this vibe with this friend and it went away after a while and we became really close. Hanging out 1 on 1 a lot, talking about personal stuff, dating woes etc. A level deeper than casual hangout conversations. I started testosterone during this period of time and he has been super supportive, very much treats me as one of the guys, and makes a concerted effort to affirm my gender. And somewhere along the way something crept in, and I found myself becoming attracted to him, and was kinda getting the vibe back from him. But frankly it's hard for me to tell the line between friendly and just close, and something more intimate. We had this phase where he was making super intense eye contact with me all the time (I'm autistic though so I find eye contact in general kind of off putting) he'll make little sexual jokes as an aside to me (when we're in a group setting) and has given me a handful of clumsy compliments. But at the same time we've mutually checked out women when we go out, have talked about our dating lives, he even brought a girl he was seeing around at one point.
So I don't know. And I've been burned in situations like this in the past so I'm hesitant to make a move or say anything. All my guy friends in the past have been other trans guys or gay guys. I've never really had a close friend this hmmm, I guess straight presenting is the best way to phrase it? Just a regular dude type of guy. So it's hard for me to tell what's just normal dudes being guys maybe being a little gay for fun vs actual interest. Like do other guys act like this around their friends??

As If It Were Kismet: Prologue
Matt tore through the brush, blind in the dark. He didn’t care where he was going. He only knew he needed to be elsewhere. Far from here.
Behind him a creature howled that shocked his mind. It’s form was cruel and dangerous, though female. Nothing like the young woman she had once been. Nothing but a girl, a small and slight female.
It’s guttural growls and howls only grew closer as Matt tried to pick between seeing where he was going and getting away. The few times he looked he caught sight of the creature behind him. Hopping through the air with a speed that told him he was being toyed with. As if he were a mouse being played with by a cat.
But the reflex in him to run kept him going. His adrenaline going as hard as it could. The tightness and burning in his core tensing and locking up as his legs felt like there were being burned from within while taking on more of a heaviness.
His lungs were starting to betray him as he tried to gulp big breaths of air but only rapid and shallow breaths were all that he could manage. His brain was starting to burn….and then he was falling.
Falling down the side of a hill he saw the creature dart in a spring towards him, imperceivably fast almost. Catching him in mid air it seemed.
Managing to wrap its body around him and cushion his impact against the ground as they rolled. His mind barely took in what was happening during the roll. Only starting to understand what was happening once they were still.
The creature's triple D-cup breasts were unmistakably pressed hard against his back as he laid facing up at the night sky.
For a few seconds the world stilled and the needle light pain hitting the center of his brain took over for the cooking heat his brain had felt. His whole body felt heavy and reluctant to move.
Even if he could have really moved, a dull ache came over his limbs making them feel stilled and trapped as if by immeasurable amounts of sand that had engulfed him.
Slowly the arms holding him started to move. Moving so the creature's hands could start exploring him. Causing Matt to unstoppably let out a pathetic moan that made him go cold inside as hands lifted up his shirt and started to touch his exposed stomach and then his chest.
He would have whimpered so pathetically had he not still been in the depths of terror.
As its hands felt and groped his pecs he tried to situp as if to get away. For his efforts, his reward was a hand around his throat and a collection snarls and growls against his ear. A beastly, guttural voice spat words at him while somehow holding a feminine tone.
“Don’t move….I don’t know if I can calm down…”
Her words were not helped by her moans in his ear and the subsequent kissing of his ear. The flesh of his ear going between her lips as she moaned and seemed to pant. Releasing it and licking the side of his face with a moist warmth. He could feel its spittle, viscous and coating his flesh where the tongue touched. He could smell something in his saliva. Something that subtly entranced him.
Matt went stock still with fear and the confusion of mixed arousal. He barely perceived her right hand traveling lower on his body. A surprised moan and shudder echoed in the night from Matt’s lips as she took ahold of him. Her hand above his pants but still….stimulating him.
A light squeezing and almost probing of her digits kept him aroused and confused within her grasp. Resigning himself to the strange fate, Matt looked up at the stars as his mind tried not to shatter under the strange maelstrom of events and sensation that had started mere minutes ago.
His mind was only more confused as a slight figure, feminine in build, how it seemed to thunk the ground audibly as she landed on her feet out nowhere. Her knees barely bending under the pressure of the landing. Yet dirt was kicked up anyways and some of it onto Matt. Feeling it pepper his shirt and pants as it fell.
The figure, lit only faintly by moonlight, roared some dark tone Matt could only perceive as a demon as her eyes went bright with a crimson light. A light in the darkness that should not have been. “Let him go you bitch.” Was its words following the roar. Spittle escaping its mouth with faint droplets hit Matt's face.
The creature holding him by his throat and crotch seemed to tighten the grasp of both hands as it roared back. “HE IS MINE!”
The figure paused with a moment's hesitation. He was also her quarry. She had felt his fear without him knowing. His confused arousal. His fear. His terror.
And now he laid at the center of a struggle between two monsters. Unsure of who he wanted to win.
As If It Was Kismet Ch. 1
Matthew Berkshire hadn’t seen his mom in two years. Not that he had seen her much over the last six years.
A messy divorce between messy people and mom’s chaotic want for a life in Alaska had been one of the most…upsetting times in life. Setting him up for so much of what had defined his life thus far but then that had really started two years before he ever turned.
His ear buds were basic and simple. A part of cheap five pack, common for his life as he was known to lose little things. Small things. They had a mix of metal and hard rock playing in them. Some classics, some alternative. Whatever made him feel something, anything. Even if it was hate. Anger. Rage. It was better than feeling numb. Not belonging.
The escalator down to his lone bag to go with his lone carry on showed his mom waiting for him. His had a type, that’s for damn sure. Not that it helped him in the genetics department as he was stuck at 5’9” to go along with his mother’s five foot even as his dad stood six foot. Forever leaving him to feel small, to pale, under his dad’s shadow. Did he ever stand a chance?
The guy next to her with the unkempt former seventies porn stache was “Dave.” He’d met him twice when his mother came and visited him in Florida. To his credit the guy didn’t look annoyed. Kind of concerned kind of which made Matthew want to break his frozen look but he was well practiced. Having removed any note of sadness from his face through much…tribulation.
His mother’s look on her face betrayed a hint of worry as the bruises on his face lightly showed up close. Saying his name was his like a distant echo that belonged to someone else.
Dave cut in and pulled out his right headphone. “What the hell bud, they knock you hard enough to hurt hearing? Your mom’s asking how you are doing.”
Matthew pulled out the other bud and grunted an empty “sorry.”
“You still have bruises after two week? What did they do to you?” His mom’s voice was full of worry. Something he hadn’t heard in….too long. Too long to make him feel anything. To ever make him believe there was any sincerity to her words. To not think her voice and mannerisms were an act. An act by someone who…wasn’t really there.
“It’s only fair. I took a nose. Fractured a couple orbital bones. Left one with having to get his jaw wired shut. And one will never walk right again for what I did to his knee cap.” Matthew said it all with a bored and disinterested tone. Perhaps well rehearsed.
“My man, handing out ass kickings, not bothering to take names.” Dave was quick to be the typical man’s man about it. Matthew wasn’t quite done yet. Lifting up his shirt to expose the right side near his kidney. Revealing a nasty scar from a six inch blade. “Luckily they gave me this first so they could rule it all in self-defense. The fuck didn’t get it in more than inch before I ruined his knee cap and then I took the nose of one of the fucks holding me.” Now he chose to smile keeping the well practiced dead look in his eyes.
No retorts. No questions. Just horrified looks on their faces. As he liked. As he preferred. They could hate him. They could be disgusted by him. But by God they would fear him.
“Well the doc did a good job sewing you up.” Dave commented uncomfortably. “Dissolving sutures. Ain’t they grand.” He smiled again and let it abruptly fall off his face and started walking to the carousel for the baggage claim.
Waiting and making small talk with Dave as his mother stood in silence. He was not the little boy she abandoned. The little boy she left with an angry man. While never hitting him. Left him in constant fear till he turned twelve and just didn’t care anymore. Something snapped. Broke. And he didn’t care if he died. Didn’t care if he stole. Didn’t even care if he killed. He just knew not to get caught. Something left over from his grandfather’s wisdom which came to make more and more sense with each passing year of life since that thing inside him broke.
Finally his bag came around and Dave went to try first to grab it but Dave practically leapt ahead of him. “Is that your grandfather’s rucksack bag?” his mother asked in a perplexed voice.
“Figured it’s been around since Viet Nam. So it’d serve me better than any of the worthless stuff they called luggage.” Dave commented after Matthew’s words. “Well hell yeah I still got mine from Desert Storm. You know the first one.” Dave laughed and Matthew eyed him oddly. Be it in the south or whether it was Alaska, country boys are country boys he guessed.
The car ride to the two people’s house, as Matthew thought of them. Was uneventful and full of vistas he imagined metropolitan types wetting themselves over. At most they meant isolation to him. Furtherness from the world as there were no mountains in Florida. And what mountains he had last seen in another state had been when he was eight. Another life, to Matthew it felt like. A life alien to him.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 2
Dave and his mom’s place was some two story type tucked into a tree line far up an elevated point. It was by no means the highest point in the mountain but it certainly felt up there.
Rocks were where the driveway should have been Matthew thought. Grabbing his backpack and rucksack from Dave’s jeep was no hard thing for him. Matthew was in formidable shape for someone his age, maybe even five years older. He had gotten a mix of fairly big shoulders and arms along with the chest to go for it when compared to most kids his age. A side effect of working out at least twice a day. First thing in the morning, some time in the evening, and the school’s gym when had had a good semester in school before he had to leave Florida.
Dave tried to come up and help him but Matthew walked past him towards the house. His mom was not sure what to make of his demeanor. Matthew was not the sweet kind boy he had once been. But she had been gone from his life essentially for a long time.
Ushering him into the house she cracked some joke he did not hear. He was too busy looking about and seeing a mix of old outdated decorating mixed with the strange and odd flair of his mother. Color contrasting against drab and dated. Like brightly painting over an old home that was falling apart he thought.
“Your room is this way Mattie.” His mom brightly intoned.
Without expressing any interest he followed his mother. Still faced and nonplussed. Just going along with the current. Pushed and pulled with its roll like a piece of driftwood.
The room was simple. A single small bed. A set of rubber weights with a curl bar and barbells. “Your dad said you were into weight lifting so we got you a bunch of stuff. Dave says it looks like his department’s gym almost. The woman’s smile felt very alien to him.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ve got most of my stuff from home.” Matthew starting unpacking his rucksack and pulled out cables of repetitive and mixed colors. A single plastic barbell handle. The ruck sack could be filled with water bottles for added weight during pushups he figured. Remembering a Michael Keaton movie he watched with his dad post-Batman movies where he played a convicted killer using plastic bags filled with water for weights.
Matthew caught movement outside his lone fairly large window that could let him step out onto the roof of the house given its layout.
He saw a number of people running together through what he guessed was the backyard of the property, not that it had any fences to mark boundaries
They wore clothes that looked similar yet different from each other at the same time.”Oh those are the Johnston’s. Really nice bunch of people. Been on the mountain for a long time Dave tells me.”
Matthew looked at the group of people running and noticed the lack of resemblance. “They are related?” Matthew quizzically asked. Seeing a black and possibly a hispanic person amongst the bland looking white people.
“Oh well they are all adopted but for one or two of them…besides the parents of course. The family has a long tradition of taking in orphans they say. Real nice of them to do that don’t you think.”
Matthew looked at his mother and the hosier accent made no sense to him as he arched his left eye brow. Her and his dad were both from Florida. Born and raised. Sure her parents were from New York city but…
Matthew shook his lightly without turning to look at his mother as his vision was grabbed by one of the runners in particular. A girl of moderate height. Soft brunette. A plain beauty he figured with a slim build….and lack of remarkable breasts and rear to make any note of but….girls in general were his type at his age.
She was pretty enough. He couldn’t deny that but he found himself transfixed by her visage.
But the way she turned and looked at him, especially at that distance felt very disconcerting to him. Even if she was smiling like…she was a taste of a bright shiny day. Somehow.
Matthew’s mom noticed the exchange and smiled to herself with closed lips. “Oh that’s Vicky. She’s your age I think. Very sweet girl, who does the charity functions. You know bake sales, blood drives, car washes and the like. I think you should get to know her. Might be good for you.”
A truck horn sounded a couple of beeps in rather succession. “Oh that must be Mack, he said he might come by later this evening but he seems early.”
Matthew’s mother turned and left his room. Leaving Matthew to exchange a few looks with the alluring Vicky as she turned her head away from him to talk to the others in her group and look back at him.
Still Matthew’s left eyebrow was arched. In a way that reminded him of Spock from Star Trek that he and his grandpa used to watch on some streaming service or another.
As he heard ambient chatter elsewhere outside the house he figured to check it out as the alluring sight of Vicky would be around he figured. It was dull to stare at artwork. He was a boy who preferred jet skis and the like. Something he could ride and enjoy immensely. Even if at times it got him stabbed.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 3
Matthew sauntered out of the house and down the rockway that stood in for a driveway.
A few new people had come over from what he could first surmise of the situation. As he got closer it was obvious they were indigenous people. A couple of grown men…and a girl?
She was mousey. Maybe five foot. Hiding behind glasses and a big camo jacket that was far too big for her. It looked made for a grown man and the backwards trucker hat on her head kept her long black a beautiful mess of sorts.
She was cute in a way. A little androgynous but she had a cute energy to her. She reminded him of the more tomboyish Puerto Rican girls he had gotten into back in Florida. Given the deer corpses in the back of the truck….probably more dangerous to play with given the men in her family.
Small chatter passed between the adults when the girl noticed but turned away, trying to hide the tiny hint of a smile.
“Oh Mattie, this is Mack. He works with Dave at the sheriff’s department and John, he’s with fish and wildlife.” Matthew nodded at his mom’s words with some blankness as he looked at the deer the in the back of the pickup truck.
“Gale tells us you hunted with your dad some in Florida and Georgia.” Mack offered with a light hearted laugh camouflaged by his big simple and cheery but husky way he spoke.
Looking in the back of the truck he spoke. “We used lever action thirty-thirties and Mosin Nagants in seven-six-two-fifty-four-rimmed.” Mack and John whistled in an exaggerated fashion. Leaving Matthew to wonder if they were mocking him.
Mack spoke. “Well we just used thirty-odd-six in a custom gussied Garand.” That caught Matthew’s attention. “You have a Garand…” Matthew finally demonstrated interest in anything. “My dad has an SVT-40 and a Hakim 8mm but he always wanted a Garand but was too cheap to buy one.”
Gale, his mother, chimed in loudly. “Oh his Dad loved his guns but was such an odd duck about how he bought or why he bought them. Never made sense to me how he wasn’t a collector but he didn’t get the latest and greatest.” Gale laughed uncomfortably. At least it seemed that way to Matthew.
Matthew pointed to the girl with an underhanded pointing hand. “And who is this? A cute little mute mouse or does she have a name?” Dave and the other men laughed.
Mack again spoke. “Well you people call her Rebecca, she’s my adopted daughter.” Matthew was taken aback by what he heard. “You people?”
Rebecca kindly spoke with a soft but almost melodic voice as she struggled to maintain eye contact. “White people or rather not members of our tribe. It’s just easier to appease the colonizer kind of thing. Borrowed from when the Jesuit missionaries chased us up here.”
Mack stepped in. “It’s just easier to have white people names than have them try to say our tribal names. And we don’t want them shortening or Anglicising our names kind of thing.” Rebecca stepped back into the conversation cutting off her adopted father. “It’s an insult to our history basically.”
Matthew cocked his head sideways raising his eyebrows shortly before letting them drop. “Well as soon as I’m eighteen I’m out of here and back to Florida so I’m a sort of involuntary colonizer of sorts. So I won’t be taking any of your land from you. The Seminoles on the other hand are still shit out of luck.”
Rebecca’s smile caused Matthew to reflexively smile. Mack made the moment more awkward. “See Becca, I told you someone off the reservation would like you some. You just have to be creative.” Mack laughed in a chiding manner…Matthew presumed. He sensed that he was the butt of some kind of cultural joke. Like marrying a white guy was some sort of insult or mark of shame. That kind of thing.
Rebecca turning away from him was not something he had been expecting. Her then getting in the truck in a huff left the group in a silence for a moment.
Dave spoke to break the awkward silence. “Well just bring the truck to work on Monday and leave it for me to grab up.” Mack acknowledged Dave and they started to get off as Rebecca looked at Matthew for another instance. Matthew couldn’t look away for some reason as the two seemed to lock eyes for an instance.
Till Vicky and family seemed to come jogging down the road. While Matthew’s eyes diverted from Rebecca’s. Hers did not till she realized he was looking elsewhere. And her vision found Vicky and what had been a hint of smile on her face turned glum and disappointed.
Matthew did not look away from the vision of Vicky but instead of a starry eyed fool looking longingly. It was a baffled look. Well baffled for him, with his eyes drawn narrow and night with a focus.
There was something about her…he couldn’t quite put a name too. The way she appeared to him. One second brunette. The next second blonde or blonde like. As if the color appeared in her air and disappeared in fractions of seconds. Much the same way her body almost seemed to…shift…very subtly…smoothly. A nicer bum. Larger breasts. And then back to a simple and plain form. Feminine no doubt. Attractive. But not so…remarkable.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 4
The next two days passed without incident. Nothing of any real substance or challenge to note.
Matthew got settled somewhat and started working out almost immediately. Exploring around the woods but Dave told him not to go far. Especially without a hunting rifle. Dave had left a simple semi-auto Winchester out for him. His bear gun as Dave referred to it with its four round magazine. But Matt figured till he got some practice with the rifle to leave it alone. He made a hiking stick like his grandpa taught him and treated it over a low fire. He would take some electrical tape for the end his hand would grip around. Plenty enough to ward off anything smaller than a bear he figured.
The ride to school was a pain in the neck but simple enough. Dave would let him use a clunker pickup truck he had laying around. It wasn’t pretty but it would get him to and from. Even if it was from the eighties and still backfired on occasion. But for now Dave and his mom took him on their way to the sheriff’s department.
It wasn’t much of a school. It wanted to be modern but its fifties original construction was very obvious. It serviced the pipeline families and familys’ of fisherman who worked the seasons in between their time at the pipeline.
Matt was to report to the principal for some reason Dave and his mom wouldn’t share. Which annoyed him but he figured it was to read him the law of land. Small towns with their big views of the outside world and like.
Dressed in jeans, a grey sweatshirt under a light jacket with steel toed boots set him more apart then he expected. His buzzed head didn’t help matters. Already he was feeling like a stranger in a strange land but he was quite strange after all. And he liked it that way. Normal people were so pathetically disappointing to him.
A secretary or assistant or some such led him to the principal’s office. Where it reeked of real wood that was old and fabric and upholstery that needed to be updated for the last twenty years, Matt figured.
“This is Matthew Berkshire, Principal Andrews.” The man was turned with his back to the door and he was quick to wave her off as he turned her around.
He was an older man. Fat and large. Tall with a body built like he had once been fit and a demeanour of annoyed and irate already as he fixed Matt with a scowl and look of disgust. Another worthless government whore. Matt thought to himself. His father and his grandfather had bestowed unto him a natural disrespect for government workers and the figures that wore unjustified authority as a shield but pretended the weight of the state was not at their back ready to crush all who resisted. Little figures of valor pretending to be mighty and alone but acting with the tyranny of the state and all the backing.
“Mr. Berkshire, please sit down.” His tone wasn’t unusually hostile, just gruff. As if he had better things to do.
Matt complied and took a seat in the chair while maintaining a friendly facade. Not everyone was an enemy. And not everyone needed to be an enemy. Even if anybody could be any enemy. There was no reason to make enemies you didn’t have to. Another of his grandfather’s bastardised wisdoms.
“Well I looked over you file and you have quite the history Mr. Berkshire.” Matt resisted qiuping back a joke. Instead he waited for Principal Andrews to continue as he remained nonplussed and looking as if he felt no need to respond. A simple head tilt with dead eyes looking back at the principle as if he was not even there would suffice.
Matt’s reaction or lack of a reaction rather made Principal Andrews only narrow his eyes with examination. He was not used to a kid not responding to him. Especially with his gruff and hard act going on.
“Well by all accounts you moved here after some problems at your last school. A fight broke out and you did some real harm to your fellow students it appears.” Of course, he would take the side of the perpetrators. School administrators always did. Especially when they weren’t white. Just a fact of the times. Cowardice and pathetic mediocrity was the way they leaned, like good government workers sucking the dick of Big Daddy government. Worthless whores.
Matt chose to reply. “Oh you mean the criminals that stabbed me. Got arrested at the hospital and then pled to felonies. Yeah Florida, with the American counties are good like that.” Principal Andrews went real still. No shame. No fear. No penitence. He didn’t like that.
“Well be it as it may Mr. Berkshire we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour here…” Matt cut him off responding with a deadpan tone. “You mean self-defense meant to save one’s own life while the cowardly and pathetic school workers look on with zero interest but to keep their money rolling in and will allow known gang members with records of violent acts and crimes that should have them expelled many times over, where in certain Democrat counties such cowardice and idiocy empowered a couple school shooters?”
Principal Andrews looked at the Matt with a note of disgust. “Look here Mr. Berkshire, your beliefs matter not one bit here. This isn’t Florida. We don’t like our way of life being disrupted by outside agitators who have problems with authority.”
Matt did his best not to roll his eyes and let the older fat man drone own as he dead-stared him. Lifeless and without emotion.
The man came to a finish and Matt spoke up without having listened to him or paid him any attention. “Great now that’s taken care of. Can I please get to class and finish my sentence of two years at your wonderful school?”
Principal Andrews huffed and snorted before calling in Vicky. Vicky stood in the corner after entering with a quiet and seamless presence. Matt felt disturbed and tried not betray his feelings as the young Vicky was perceived and not perceived to be moving.
Principal Andrews made the introductions and Matt nodded back. She was to be his chaperone for the day. They had the same classes and she was to show him the ropes so to speak. The ins and outs of the school. The locations of their classes.
He recognized her. It was hard not to. The way her appearance seemed to shift fluidly almost. The petite and skinny brunette ever so lightly had a big bust and blonde hair with curves added when she seemed to shift before his eyes. Like watching a film but each frame had a different person.
Matt didn’t say anything about it. Even if he did he would only be acknowledging his crazed state, if he had one. If.
Unlike an obedient puppy dog he got up in a slow and awkward fashion and followed behind her as his oddly disproportionate frame allowed. Causing her a note of concern for some reason. As if she was seeing something she shouldn’t have been….Or he was just weird. And Matt could admit to himself he was just weird. Part of his charm, he would jest about it at times. Not that he had many people to jest to now.
As If It Were Kismet Ch. 5
Following Vicky into the hall off to their first class was simple. She exchanged small talk and he slightly smiled as if to obviously suggest he was just being polite.
Inside his head, Matt was trying to figure out if he was having a psychotic break. The way Vicky looked kept changing and he looked at the other people around him and they stayed the same.
He was searching his mind as they were walking. And thus he wasn’t paying attention to where he was looking and so fell to his face forward over his feet seemingly out of nowhere.
A series of laughs erupted as it sunk in that he was obviously tripped. Like in prison this was a challenge to his superiority. If he let this pass he would be mocked and sneered at by this same group of boys. He wouldn’t walk to them like he was going to do nothing like a little bitch.
In a rage he turned and punched the stomach of the first face he saw. Some typical blonde haired wannabe jock. He knew from experience not to aim for the ribs. Instead he needed to aim for where he thought the belly button was.
Yells and screams blindly echoed around him as his after the punch he followed up his elbow of the opposite arm slamming into the face of the jock. Harder than a fist, the elbow struck the jock’s jaw and seemingly dropped him against a locker. Just in time to catch an errant and soft punch to the nose that sure enough hurt but did little to slow him down as his dad had taught him to fight through the pain. Blood and scars happened. They were a natural consequence of life to a man.
Taking the punch and falling further into his red state Matt headbutted the punch thrower before another guy arm bared his throat from behind. Which he managed to get his grip on the arm over a letterman jacked and jerk the unprepared boy to the side with him still latched on.
A few feet away from the lockers Matt knew his only chance was to jump and push off the lockers and knock the boy to the ground and so he did. He heard a thunk of the boy’s skull bouncing off the ground and he turned to pull out of the grapple.
The beatings he had taken from his father, the grapples, being choked unconscious. Had prepared him for fighting little bitches who didn’t know what a fight was. It wasn’t gay porn with rabbit punch fists flying.
Blood was running down his face and the pain started to hit him as the threats had been eliminated. Only then did he remember to breathe. Taking breathes as Vicky came up to him with tissues and took a hold of his nose.
“Owww owww owww what the fuck my nose could be broken.” He said to Vicky as she pulled his head up and back.
“It’s ok Carl. It’s done.” Matt tried to look to see who Vicky was talking to. It was a boy taller than his 5’9” by more than a small margin. The boy eyed him bored and annoyed before speaking. “What happened here?” An unoriginal line but one Matt couldn’t be a smart aleck about. “Well you see there was an outbreak of tripping and we all tripped over my dick. It happens.” Matt was about to laugh when Vicky seemed to pull up while still gripping his nose causing Matt no small amount of pain which he audibly evidenced.
Vicky spoke in a tone he wasn’t expecting. As if she was accustomed to issuing orders. “Keep Iris away from the hall till we sanitize the site. We have blood from at least three people contaminating the site. And have Jake bring me a spare jacket and shirt for this moron.”
Carl seemed to acknowledge her orders and seemed to blink away. Maybe the punch hit harder than he expected. He had no time to wonder as Vick took her hand away from his and pushed him against the lockers. With ease he had not been expecting from her form and stature.
Before he could respond Vicky licked his blood covered chin and then his lips and spoke to him. “Focus on me you little blood bag.” Her tone had an annoyed yet feminine sneer.
“Look into my eyes. Look at me. You belong to me. You are just another food source in a collection of food sources.” Her eyes were a beautiful hazel Matt thought. Almost green. Pretty like jewels in some old treasure collections. The eyes he could get lost in before kissing her. Finally Vicky was just a slight and petite brunette and he thought she was beautiful.
She would make a hell of a girlfriend. Some cute thing he could see laying on the beach in Florida on their sides laughing and smiling before trading light kisses while hands wandered innocently. Before his mind could drift further he felt her lips on his. It took him a second to mentally grasp the kiss but his arms were around her back as her hands were at his sides. His eyes reflexively closed as he saw hers close.
It was ineffable to Matt. Beyond words, what was happening. The kiss, the moments beforehand. The way his brain tickled with electricity and gentle warmth. He had never had a kiss like this and he had traded more than a few kisses with at least a few girls.
The kiss was like a warm bath with his consciousness slipping beneath the surface. Their lips only parted to try new angles and approaches as Matt struggled to take in breath. It was a moment he could have stayed trapped in for….he didn’t know. But a curt throat clearing by another girl pulled them out of the moment.
The girl was taller than Vicky. Blonde. With slight curves. Vicky addressed her bewildered and gobsmacked, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. “Tina?”

i noticed as we flew through the sky, on our way to regroup with Lobelia's group, that in this dragon form drew in energy as i flew, maybe in a way to maintain the form, this was too new for me to know at this time. it didn't take long to reach the spot to regroup with Lobelia, but when we arrived, we didn't see anyone around the area. i decided to come in for a landing, since i figured we might have arrived a bit early and i didn't want to cause a panic in this form in case someone else came along. as i was landing, i suddenly felt a rumbling through the ground, questioning if this was a quake or something else. it didn't take long to get my answer since a mere moment later we saw a huge explosion off in the distance. i had an uneasy feeling about this, as i turned my head to look at Clint, Bruno, and Vince, whom all had the same feeling. with no words exchanged, i took back to the sky and headed in the direction of the explosion, hoping that this wouldn't be a repeat of my village. while we were still approaching the area, we saw a green light fired into the air roughly where we were heading. Clint yelled out to me, letting me know that was a distress flare the elf group used during their share travels following me to Dragonus. i started to pick up speed, as the group tighten their grips, to try to get to them sooner. when we arrived over head, we looked down on a field full of beasts, monsters, and demons. what once was an unknown future has finally come to a head and we had no other choice but to engage the enemies.
as we flew over the battlefield, i started to fire off different elemental dragon blasts to thin out the enemy groupings and help find where Lobelia's group was exactly located. they fired off another distress flare spell, allowing me to lock on to their location, at which time Clint's group heard me speak for the first time in this form. "do you trust me?", to which they each nodded, "then release your grip and follow me", to with they did. at this moment, i released the dragon form, sending us all into a free fall toward the ground. Vince started to cast every buff he could think of as we fell on the party, while Bruno, Clint, and i drew our weapons for battle. i focus energy into one of my hands and with a swing of my arm, i enveloped the group in wind barriers. just before we were about to make impact, i went into a drive-bomb stance, while charging as many elements as i could into my weapon. upon impact, my weapon blew apart, unleashing the elements and weapon fragments through the area, causing massive explosions, wiping out hundreds of enemies at once. Clint, Bruno, and Vince came in a mere moment later, causing shock waves around the area, sending enemies flying. i quickly pulled out two swords to duel-wield, has we started to fight our way through the hoards of enemies, making our way over to Lobelia's group. Clint's group went to fortify Lobelia's group, while i continued to thin the ranks in front of us, unleashing everything i learned during my training. Vince and a few of the elves cast various team buff abilities on me, as the others aided from behind, guessing worried that one of my new skills might catch them by accident. Lobelia took advantage of some strong winds approaching and caused the wind to form a few tornadoes on the battlefield with air magic. something inside told me what i should do, almost as if by memory, i combined together ground and fire elements and slammed the spell into the ground toward one of the tornadoes. followed by shooting off water and ice spells into another, then finishing by firing off a lightning dragon blast down the center of the field, taking out numerous enemies before hit another one of the tornadoes. the ground started to rumble as it split open and lava strayed out, heading toward the first tornadoes, opening a volcanic eruption underneath, forming a magma twister. the water and ice struck the next one, forming high speed ice tornado. the lightning hit another one, whipping it around until it became a voltaic twister. these three ripped through the battlefield, wiping out hoards of enemies by the second, until all three smashed together causing a huge explosion over the entire battlefield. we all quickly took cover, as everything came raining down, wiping everything out. as the dust started to settle, we all regrouped, everyone absolutely stunned by what just happened. when we could finally see the field again, we saw that there was still someone standing out in the middle of the battlefield. the lone survivor yelled out at us "you'll have to do better then that to kill me", just then realizing, he seemed to be a high ranked demon.
the demon stood there, staring us down, waiting for one of us to make a move. we debilitated if we should spread the group back out some, so that we wouldn't be seen as a single target for the demon. i told the group that i would go in for the attack to hold his attention and they should provide back up and support when they saw an opening. i stepped forward out of the group and started to walk toward the demon, as it started to smirk back at me. after i got enough distance between me and the group, i did a quick flap of my wings to shoot myself forward at the demon and start the battle. the demon readied for contact, as a mere moment later we made first contact of battle. in a flash the battle begin with us blasting around the battlefield, firing off attacks and spells nearly faster then the eye can see. everyone else took any small opportunity they saw to try and aid with buffs, spells, and attacks. the demon seemed annoyed by the interference to our battle and start to fire off attacks back at the others any chance he got. this battle continued as a stalemate for half a day, which the demon took any opportunity when we locked in a clash to taunt me. it would says things each time such as "this world is already going to be destroyed", "you all don't stand a chance", "you really think you can save them", and more of the like. it wouldn't be long before the demon started to put it's words into action, as a few of the elves shot off infused arrows at it when they saw an opening, just for the demon to catch them mid flight and redirect the arrows back at them, sending the arrows straight through their skulls and killing half the elves in Lobelia's group. this threw the groups into a panic, which caused them to act rashly in an attempt to take out the demon. Lobelia and Vince stayed back casting buffs and heals on the remaining people, while the remaining few elves, Clint and Bruno jumped into the battle in an attempt to end this. before i could stop them, they charged in for the attack and i needed to try my best to stop the demon from getting them as well. the battle intensified as we attacked from all sides in an attempt to overwhelm the demon and hopefully turn the fight in our favor. it seemed to be working as we seemed to be slowly damaging it, that is until i realized my attacks were the only few that actually doing damage. the demon suddenly smirked again and i quickly yelled out for them to get back, but by this point it was too late. as Clint went in for a swift strike, the demon caught his sword arm, ripping it out at the shoulder socket, and plunging his sword through his head. the few elves followed shortly after when the demon ripped one in half while skewering two more with it's tail, before smashing another's head in with a headbutt and the last one being sent flying with a kick to the chest and splattering on the ground upon impact. i had already moved in to try and stop him, but kept getting knocked back, as it's focus was on the other people here. Bruno went in for an attack as the demon was dealing with me and managed to chop off one of it's wings before it turned around and grabbed Bruno by the neck. before i could stop it, the demon plunged it's other hand straight through Bruno's armor and chest, ripping his heart out. before tossing Bruno's body aside, the demon took the sword from Bruno's hands and threw it in a spinning motion toward Vince, slicing him in two. before it could do anything to Lobelia, i fired off a full elemental dragon breath, blasting a giant hole through the demon. as i stood over the demon, readying to kill him, i asked if he had anything to say before i ended him. the ground started to rumble and quack as he said to us, "you fools, it's already too late, i was but a distraction. your world falls now!". i chopped off it's head as we hear explosions in the distance and the ground starts in split open and crumble. after all that had happened, everything we went through, and losing all but me and Lobelia, was this truly the end for us?

I wrote mini reviews of each arc here, but because there are so damn many arcs, this ended up being a wall of text, despite me trying to keep them short. Feel free to skim or read only what interests you!
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The episodic nature of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla means that its narrative is split into chunks. These chunks take place across the many shires of medieval England and vary in terms of length, depth and, well, pointlessness. I thought ranking them would be a fun exercise — a competition of story arcs, all vying for best Viking mini-narrative.
It goes without saying, but I’m about to spoil the whole damn game, so read at your own risk.
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21. Wincestre
Wincestre is just another Lunden or Jorvik, accept with more Jesus, more King Aelfred and way less… anything worthwhile. This one was just a total nothing-burger of an experience. The fact that it comes so late in the narrative really hurts it, too, because by now you’ve experienced arcs that are a similar traditional Assassin’s Creed city-style that at least aren’t this bad. Aelfred’s turning on Eivor at the end also didn’t feel coherent, convincing or warranted to me. Big miss.
20. Lunden
The smaller, denser cities with multiple targets to track down and ‘social stealth’ options are certainly here to attempt to replicate the traditional AC experience, but Lunden fails to do so meaningfully, and even gets a huge points deduction for being misleading.
The arc is set up to feature twists with Stowe and Ercke (is one a traitor? Will your romancing of Stowe make things complicated?), but after their initial scenes they’re mitigated to what I would hardly even call side characters as Eivor unveils three randos as Order members, kills them and then leaves town. At least there was a cool boss sequence on the river?
19. Snotinghamscire
This arc sees you reunite with Hemmingr Jarl, his son Villi and his compatriot, Trygve. Eivor has an existing relationship with these characters, but the player doesn’t. As a result, nothing that happens with them lands meaningfully.
After Hemmingr passes, this arc boils down to running dull errands to prepare for the burial ceremony. Eivor chooses whether Villi or Trygve will succeed Hemmingr in the end, but the decision is very clear-cut and suggested to the player, lacking the nuance of the game’s other difficult decisions. This arc isn’t memorable, doesn’t concern the main quest, and feels like fluffy filler in the worst way.
18. Jorvik
Another version of the Lunden & Wincestre arcs, Jorvik is stronger than its competitors for presenting the Order members to your face before you deduce who they are. There was nothing shocking about their reveals, but each provided an interesting set piece to navigate during assassinations.
Problematically, the arc sets itself up for Eivor to accuse a traitor, only for her decision to not matter at all. You never get to act on your accusation at Yuletide — the Order member interrupts and attacks the feast no matter who you accuse.
17. Cent
The Cent arc sees Eivor team with Basim to track Fulke. It feels important and part of the main story, but it’s all for naught in the end — you come face-to-face with Fulke in what seems like a meaningful story moment, only for her to run away. Your reward is finding out Sigurd had his arm cut off.
This arc earns some points for getting Fulke screen time and tiptoeing the tightrope of Eivor and Basim’s rocky relationship believably, but certainly can’t be called good. This is because once you pull back the veil, you realize you never advanced the plot and were running in circles for nothing the entire time. At least the other “filler” arcs were forthright about their (lack of) connection to the main story.
16. Jotunheim
This arc has a compelling story to it — Odin running from his fate and bending over backwards to flee from it is interesting, his broken relationship with Loki should be a strong point for the arc, and his moral gray areas (sleeping with a Jotunn, betraying Tyr) certainly make for a complex character’s development.
It has the ingredients of a strong arc, but I just couldn’t shake the why am I doing this feeling I had the entire time. Everything in between Odin’s big moments is a fetch quest and I just felt like I was wasting my life.
This one is weird because on paper it feels like there’s a lot of substance here, but ultimately, I felt nothing while playing it besides contempt for having drank the potion in Ravensthorpe again.
15. Lincolnscire
Heir to the throne Hunwald is exiled from Lincoln and reaches out to Ravensthorpe for help. Eivor tracks down his sickly and dying father and then must cast the deciding vote for whom the new Ealdorman will be after his death.
The game wastes your time with one of Hunwald’s competitors, Aelfgar, (who is a dork) and paints the bishop as evil pretty clearly (he turns out to be an Order member). I suppose this arc could hit hard for someone who accidently put an Order member in charge. For that and for Hunwald at least having a strong drive and personality, this arc earns some marks.
14. Essex
Eivor is brought in to repair a marriage by separating husband and wife naturally without a public divorce. She reunites Ealdorman Birstan with his former lover and sets up a fake public kidnapping to whisk away his wife, Estrid.
I think many would rate this arc far lower than I have here because it is pure side mission nonsense — but for me, this arc stands strong on the backs of convincing and fun characters in Birstan and Estrid, as well as the tangled web of relationships between the two of them, Birstan’s son, and Rollo, Estrid’s former lover.
13. Ledecestrescire
Ledecestre sees the intros of Ivarr, Ubba and Ceowulf. You team up with the sons of Ragnar to help put Ceowulf’s father on the throne in Mercia.
Ledecestrescire earns points for strong, realized characters in the Ragnarsons and Ceowulf, a believable conflict with the Mercian king, as well as the arc’s biggest moment with killing or sparing Leofrith in Tamworth.
12. Asgard
Asgard looks pretty and hits hard when you first arrive. I appreciate Ubi for creating places like Atlantis and Asgard to run around and explore in.
Unfortunately, both felt supremely empty. However, watching Odin fight tooth and nail to run from his fate was satisfying and Loki is aptly deceptive and frustrating. The Builder gave the arc a nice wrinkle, too and climaxed with a nice boss fight.
I spent too much time tracking down tears, but I think if you look at just the main missions here, this is a solid experience in an incredible environment.
11. East Anglia
In this arc, Eivor works alongside Oswald to fend off violent Dane aggressors and claim his leadership role.
Oswald is honorable and likeable — watching him teach the Danes in his court that bravery can reveal itself in more nuanced ways rather than physically was powerful, and giving Eivor the decision to allow Oswald to fight his own battles or fight for him solidified the feeling of fathering Oswald through this arc into manhood and leadership.
I bought into this arc because I felt the story was touching and meaningful and the cast was strong.
10. Vinland
Nothing really happens here aside from hunting down Gorm Kjotveson, but the arc earns major points for how refreshing it is.
I played it late in the story when I was feeling quite a bit of fatigue towards the game and everything about Vinland just landed for me, giving me new energy to actually enjoy what I was doing.
The new landscape is insanely gorgeous and fun to navigate. The stripping down of Eivor’s equipment essentially forces you to start from scratch — but it really makes the four stealth encounters stronger; you have to approach them differently due to being unarmed and unarmored.
The whole thing was a little bit of a reset button for the entire experience of Valhalla and it sorely needed it.
9. Suthsexe
Suthsexe is the meeting with Guthrum and the rising action leading up to defeating Fulke.
The arc is fun, feels impactful as well as meaningful and sees you reunite with all the old friends you’ve made up to this point. Fighting alongside Soma and others was a big positive for me. Storming Fulke’s fort at least included some different mechanics than many forts up to this point, so it felt fresh. Her boss fight in the darkness of the crypts was exceptional, as was her confession sequence.
This arc was mostly good, satisfying fun the whole way through, but didn’t include too much intrigue as the ones ranked above it did.
8. Rygjafylke
Look, I’ll be honest. I’m writing this particular paragraph after completing the game and this opening section was so long ago that I don’t have a great memory of it.
What I do know is that Valhalla opened strongly. I found it all pretty compelling. I remember it being atmospheric, believable and driven by strong characters like Sigurd, Varin, Haytham, Basim and Kyotve. I was bought-in very early and Rygjafylke really got the game off to a strong start.
7. Hamtunscire & Epilogue
Aelfred screen time is a good thing, and this arc earns marks for his badassery in the face of Guthrum, as well as his manipulation of the Dane army. Ally deaths in the battle at Chepeham give the arc meaningful stakes and ratchet up the tension. This arc is brief and straightforward — there’s not much story to it since it’s really just war throughout the whole thing.
Afterwards, Eivor tracks down the final member of the Order and confronts him in a touching sequence over some burnt bread in a small swampy town in the middle of nowhere. It’s a humble conclusion for Aelfred and the swirling epic that was AC: Valhalla.
6. Hordafylke
The return to Norway contains two things: Eivor & Sigurd finding closure with Sigurd’s father, and the two locating “Yggdrasil.”
I quite enjoyed the pit stop with Sigurd’s father, and the entire Yggdrasil sequence was incredibly interesting. It was a refreshing change of pace from what you’ve been doing for the past 100 hours and featured a nice boss fight at the end. No matter which ending you get, the conversation with Sigurd after the dust settles is impactful and weighty.
5. Oxenefordscire
Finally reunited with Sigurd, this is the arc we learn of his obsession with his ancestry and true nature. Eivor’s reaction of discomfort and distrust towards Sigurd’s change is honest and relatable and she must juggle relations between Sigurd and the Thane they are working to put in charge, Gaedric.
Negotiations with King Aelfred are complex and a late intervention from Fulke reveals her true allegiance to the Order and puts Sigurd in enemy hands.
This arc moves the plot along moreso than the last 400 hours you’ve been playing the game, while also establishing and reinterpreting Eivor’s relations with the cast in meaningful ways. It ratchets up the tension of the main quest and narrative, which up to this point had been lagging behind due to a breadth of shire arcs.
4. Glowecestrecire
I’m so surprised to see myself rank this so high — after the first third of the arc, I was considering putting it in dead last. I felt Gunnar’s fiancé’s unintelligible dialogue, the trick-or-treating, the druid encounter, and Eivor’s 400th drunken night of debauchery to be a disrespectful waste of my time this deep (over 80 hours) into the game.
But then the arc turned, with two solid stealth encounters and a stellar boss fight. Navigating the Aelfwood was a gorgeous thrill and the confrontation with Modran is atmospheric and a fantastically fresh take on the typical Valhalla boss or mini boss fight.
When I decided to focus-up on the story and let the Celtic and Welsh mythos shine, the arc became a terrestrial fever dream of satisfying magic, intrigue and character interactions.
3. Grantebridgescire
Eivor looks to ally with Soma, the leader of Grantebridge, but her town’s just been sacked from the inside by a traitor. After saving her three companions in the thick river bogs, you take back Grantebridge and then embark on an investigation to discover the rat.
Its the investigation that makes the whole arc. It has a slew of clues, nuance and red herrings to consider. One of its strengths is how open ended the investigation is — you can follow the quest markers, but talking to the town’s people and hunting down the yellow-painted ship is up to you (at least I think, I played on the most ‘difficult’ exploration setting).
This arc earns big points because the investigation matters — you have to tell Soma to kill one of her closest friends and then watch her do it, living with your right or wrong decision.
2. Eurvicscire
Finally meeting the third of the famed Ragnarson’s, Eivor finds Halfdan a paranoid soul, waxing poetic about friendship and treason. The arc balances the two on a blade’s edge to tremendous effect.
Halfdan believes he has a traitor in his midst and the main culprit is his right-hand man, Faravid.
Faravid's dialogue is expertly written to feign allegiance to Halfdan, but never reveal too much of his true nature. Eivor’s wavering relationship and trust with him are complex and the Wolf-Kissed can lie to both him and Halfdan depending on dialogue choice. Every decision feels like it carries weight. It’s this ambiguity that makes the arc compelling and gives the decisions importance.
This arc could feel disconnected (it’s not part of the main plot and Halfdan doesn’t appear in the late game, no matter your decision) and thus appear as pointless fluff, but I won’t fault it for that. As a self-contained story, this was flat-out interesting and kept me in anticipation of the next reveal or twist. Imagery and foreshadowing, red-herrings, and great atmosphere all make for an engaging and compelling experience. I only wish every shire arc could’ve reached these heights.
1. Sciropscire
Sciropescire’s strengths come somewhat from the arcs that came before it, as it sees Eivor quickly reunited and working with Ivarr and Ceowulf. Your preexisting relationship with both gives this arc an advantage over others where it doesn’t have to establish too much all at once, as well as it starting off with you already having a personal connection of some sort with the main cast. Still, each set piece here is strong enough on its own –

1. Eivor & co. join to negotiate peace with King Rhodri. She can offer 600 silver to whomever she chooses to try and quell the peace talks. Each option is mired in obscurity, has obvious pros and cons, and plenty of uncertainty. It felt impactful, difficult and nuanced.
2. After peace talks go sour with Ivarr’s outburst, Eivor, Ivarr and Ceowulf sack a village under Rhodri’s control. It’s brutal and takes a long time to burn (on purpose!). You then fight a huge party of Rhodri’s men. The whole scene feels vile, over the top and harsh (on purpose!).
3. The twist is that Ivarr kills Ceowulf in cold blood to earn himself the opportunity to get his own revenge on Rhodri — only revealed after you sack Rhodri’s fort (after reaching peace with him). A brutal blood eagle from Ivarr and the game’s best boss fight ensue.

It’s close between the top 3, but this is the best arc in the game, for me.
For once, the game forces you to face the trail of bloodshed and destruction your ‘pacifying’ of England has left in your wake. Additionally, the ambiguous decision-making process in negotiating peace, the brutal village burning sequence, the tangled web of Ivarr’s relationships and motivations, the twists of the peaceful alliance and Rhodri’s fate, and finally, the Ivarr boss fight are just too good all in tandem to not take first place.
--
I’m conflicted looking back on these.
There’s many that feel even more empty than I remember them being now that I draft them as text. However, a surprising number of highly-rated arcs aren’t actually part of the main quest.
Ultimately, I’m left bewildered at the scale and scope of the epic that this game took me on. I was so fatigued by the end of it, but in hindsight so happy I completed it.

Gullible-Soft-8628:
Dec 18, 2022

Lower back pain related to PVPS? Same side as my bad ball with epididymis inflamed with fluid .. every so often I get lower back and abdomen pain. Is it related or do I just suck?

I had same thing, very related. I recommend NO Vasectomy, and get a reversal ASAP. I am 3+ months post reversal, 95% relief from pain, 100% relief from brain fog and low drive issues.
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/yvgw6x/lower_back_pain_related_to_pvps/j0sb6f1/
I recommend a reversal ASAP. Dr Hickman recommended minimum of 6 month wait. Heavy, congested feeling, orgasms were pitiful, brain fog, low back pain. Had a reversal September, as of Dec 18, 95% pain relief and feel continuing improvement. Brain fog gone, orgasms back to normal, drive is good again. I recommend Dr Hickman from New Braunfels TX. Professional and economical, $3200 versus the 8 to 10k that most of the others will charge
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/znmezh/how_long_would_you_wait_post_vasectomy_to/j0sc7wz/
Another testimony... I suffered 6 months until i got the reversal. I am 3+ months post-reversal. Thank God I am Almost 100% pain-free, much better frame of mind, back to jogging, cycling, and hiking with my family. I know this isn't the cure for everyone, but it would definitely be my first choice.
Be prepared for roller-coaster healing process though, the first 2 months post reversal were rough, up and down, but its leveled out big time.
Don't give up hope, there's better days ahead
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zfad7z/deleted_by_usej0sdbb1/
Highly recommend a reversal asap if you're having pvps, its the best chance to get back to original. Vasectomy is a disaster, don't do it, its not worth the risk
https://www.reddit.com/queensland/comments/zlfdg9/metrocentre_vasectomy_redoreversal_for_pvps/j0ws43
Back to jogging, lifting, playing with my children, etc.
https://www.reddit.com/queensland/comments/zlfdg9/metrocentre_vasectomy_redoreversal_for_pvps/j0wsg91/
I second the recommendation to NOT perform surgery on genitals... too many nerve endings down there
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/vccbzq/pvps_for_years_now_and_still_pain_post_reversal/j0wu2q6/
Maybe some can handle the pvps better than I could, it was devastating. Not many people write back in on blogs like this after-the-fact, you just happy to get beyond. Life can get back to normal. Its condoms and all that again, but 1000 x rather this than live with depression, pain, and a 10lb weight between my legs. A reversal was a lot of ups and downs the first 2 months for me, but thank God I'm living pain free and feeling terrific at 3 months post... If you need to wait a while, hang in there, better days ahead!
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/znmezh/how_long_would_you_wait_post_vasectomy_to/j11lxud/
I can post a positive. Had pvps kick in at 2 months. I hung on doing exercises, antibiotics, everything 'conservative' in the books with no success. Had a reversal at 6 months, September 2022, am feeling 100% better. I know its not 100% for everyone, but its the best bet, get things back to as 'original' as possible. Lots of ups and downs the first 2 to 3 months post reversal, but never as bad as the pvps
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zep1fx/did_a_reversal_make_your_pain_worse/j11n86s/
Real results are closer 1 in 20 will suffer pvps. I had a reversal 6 months later... 6 months of sheer misery. If you are the 1, it will ruin your life. Look up the pvps blogs on reddit, PVPS is VERY UNDERRATED. But then again 19 out of 20 get away with it and are super happy. your choice, but most vasectomy doctors won't tell you the real risks
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/zkmcxu/have_consult_scheduled_this_week_but_pvps_odds_of/j11p6i3/
Dr Marks has good referrals. Dr Hickman in New Braunfels Texas did my reversal, very happy with his work. 3+ months post reversal and pretty much back to normal, thank God.
Dont figure on pvps going away on its own, never heard of it getting better by itself. But maybe there are some who don't write about it
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/yonicu/does_anyone_have_pvps_like_this/j11q2qe/
Pvps pain was bottom of testicles radiating up in to abdomen. Days of laying in bed, couldn't walk at times, heavy, congested feeling, lots of brain fog and depression.
Reversal pain was Swelling, bruising, like the inside of the whole scrotum was sore when i moved. That pain took a month to leave. Then i had the heavy congested feelings from time to time, but less each time and further apart. Almost like the congested epididymus took time to empty out?? I don't know. I'm still tender at 3.5 months, had 3 long days on the road this past week and today i had to take ibuprofen to keep going. But this is the first pain in weeks, the trend is definitly going right at this point... still praying for 100% healing but much better than pre-reversal. But i'm just one story... wish you the best
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zep1fx/did_a_reversal_make_your_pain_worse/j1f5xxa/
Metadata:
ID: 3868d1b7
Name: Gullible-Soft-8628
Vasectomy Date: 2022-03
Source: reddit
Posted: 2022-12-18
Location: USA
Storycodes: LTP,SGR,LL,OTR,DC,PYH
Reversal Date: 2022-09
Months: 8
Resolved: Yes

I’m painting my ‘81 Corvette and can’t decide on a color. I’m stuck between Ferrari Rosso Magma and BMW Gunmetal II.
I’m going for a modern look - blacked out trim, black or bronze wheels, black interior with suede racing seats, lowering it 2”, and the car is getting LS swapped. So it’s not original at all.
I like the grey but I feel it’s just boring. I like the red as well, but I feel like the grey will look better for a modern look. I’m entirely conflicted here and can’t make up my mind.
Help!! 😂😭

Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
It had not been a restful night, all things considered.
First there had been that hideous roar which had shaken the whole jungle into frightened silence, the cries of the nocturnal creatures obliterated by what Zildiz had first mistaken for a violent monsoon wind. For the second time in this miserable day she had looked up and beheld a creature which had no place in the natural world. A winged manta moving so swiftly that it had already passed out of sight before she could even begin to process what she had just seen.
The last thing she needed right now was another challenge to her already tenuous understanding of the world as it was. The grey behemoth from earlier had already left her mind groping for some rational explanation, one that continued to elude her despite Zildiz’s best attempts to form useful analogies.
Sleep soon proved impossible. Her agile mind was too busy wrestling with questions. Was the grey behemoth an act of nature or the result of the Vitalus’ direct intervention, a sort of living earthquake or forest fire that he could summon at will? Had the Vitalus created it solely to eradicate an entire biome? If so, then why? The Amits had always been a central part of the cycles of change, altering the atmosphere through their mound respiratory systems and building the wind walls to help regulare the climate. Why had they drawn the All-In-One’s displeasure? Alternatively, if It had not created the grey behemoth, then what had?
Zildiz left her lair and went for a walk to clear her head. It was well and truly night now, black as the pit and with only the stars to guide her steps. Zildiz’s compound eyes were useless in these conditions. Thankfully her other pair were designed specifically for this, their yellow irises widening to double their usual diameter. Gallivants sometimes hunted at night, though it was a bit trickier than in the day. Her simple eyes could only see within a narrow frontal cone and left her blind in the directions in which she was not directly facing.
Her olfactory organs caught the scent of some speckled tree frogs and she hovered up into the lower boughs of the trees, impaling them on her mantid blades and skinning them carefully to avoid the poisonous coatings which they secreted. Her digestive system could weed out all but the deadliest of toxins, but tonight she wanted to relax and conserve her strength.
That is, until she picked up the trail of another animal close by. She found its tracks in the soil, catching the bright sheen where its feet had compacted the mud. Judging by the depth and spacing of the prints, Zildiz concluded that it was heavy and slow-moving. Also, it had no toes—its foot was made up of a single large hoof that left zigzagging patterns of grooves.
Confusing. Then again, she wasn’t all that familiar with the species of this biome. Well, whatever it was she looked forward to finding out what it tasted like. Zildiz was ravenous. Come to think of it, she had heard what sounded like a large animal crashing through the forest shortly after the flying monsters had appeared, no doubt fleeing from them in fear. Sharpening her blades against each other, Zildiz eagerly set off in pursuit.
Such a meal would sustain her for days. Enough to get her back home again without having to constantly stop and hunt for victuals. This animal did not move quickly even when it was clearly in a hurry. It was the sort of prey-form she could run down even in her injured state. A broken branch and a stone overturned from its resting place guided her in for the kill.
She was close now, barely thirteen wingspans away if she had to guess from the richness of its scent. Too close to risk using her wings—the noise of their fluttering would give her away. Still, it would be better to attack it from above, if only to save her the trouble of a long chase through unfamiliar territory. She sheathed her blades in their housings of flesh and stole up a nearby trunk, her light body making barely a rustle as she transferred her weight between the branches. The going was tortuously slow. She didn’t know how the Leapers could put up with this painstaking approach to killing. It just seemed so very inefficient compared to her way of doing things.
Zildiz took a moment to let her eyes adjust to the deepening night. It did not take long to spot the prey-form. An albino! Its exoskeleton was as white as the snow she’d glimpsed on the peaks of far-off mountains beyond the salt plains. Zildiz wondered how it could have survived long enough to grow so large. The complete lack of camouflage, the plodding pace and the lack of any noticeable armaments made it perfect Leaper food. Perhaps it had some sort of hidden defense mechanism? Like spewing noxious musk out of a gland next to its anus, or having poisonous skin like the frogs (perhaps that would explain its bright and noticeable colors)? What if it was tracking her movements even now, just waiting for her to play right into its hands? Oh, but that would be a clever survival strategy. Zildiz hesitated, beginning to suspect a trap.
But the longer she observed the prey-form, the quicker she came to the conclusion that it was not some cunning adversary, but rather a slow-witted member of its species.
It had tried to hide by wedging itself between the roots of a fatwax tree, covering itself with a single broad palm leaf in a pathetic attempt at camouflage. Something in its total defenselessness and the way it was tucked up into a ball with its arms and legs drawn in reminded Zildiz of her own children. She even felt a morsel of guilt at having to kill it before she squashed the unexpected emotion within herself.
Guilt? For ensuring her survival and that of her brood? She was getting soft in her age. Zildiz made the final preparations, adjusting her footing for the pounce that would end it all. A blade stuck between head and thorax would do it, followed by a twisting wrench of her wrist to sever the nerve cord and render the prey-form totally paralyzed, but still alive as she fed upon it. Zildiz preferred them that way—all the flavors really came to the fore when the meat was still fresh and twitching in the mouth.
She was just about to make her move when an odd breeze made the follicles on her neck stand on end. Danger! Zildiz froze in place and scanned the jungle floor, careful not to move single muscle for fear of giving away her position. Four figures detached themselves from the shifting shadows, each standing nine feet tall on their long, hairy and backwards-jointed legs and making not a whisper as they converged onto her tree.
Leapers! Fighting against the mounting horror she felt, Zildiz steeled herself for the fight of her life.
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

I separated with my ex a year ago after she had an affair and her undiagnosed personality disorder became too much the bear. We currently share custody of our 2 kids (10 and 7) and the relationship between myself and my ex is awful as she is just a terrible person to deal with about anything.
Lately I'm growing more and more concerned with the wellbeing of my kids given the state of things that I hear from the kids (which I note down with date+time I learned of it)
Things like:

• The kids arriving late to school 2-4 times per week, every week for months in her custody. She lives 10 avenues away. The kids often say she loses track of time while on her phone
• That she is often having terrible fights frequently, especially with our eldest child (10) who she argues with like she did with me. She has grabbed her face in anger, slapped her arm and called her "malade mentale" (sick in the head)
• She left our kids to shop with food on the stove that boiled over requiring my kids to leave my ex's apartment and seek help from a neighbor
• She hasn't worked a full time job anywhere in a year since leaving, working only weekends she doesn't have custody forcing me to pay larger support payments
• Despite not working she regularly leaves the kids at daycare after school even later than myself who works a 40 houweek job
• My kids have often described how their mother is secluded in her room and the only interactions at home are during supper time. She lives on her phone and my kids just sit around on tablets and watch TV. She is not emotionally available at all
• My kids have described their mother frequently crying and arguing on the phone. They also say she has a bad temper and very impatient with them. They have described being frightened of her and asked me not to raise my concerns when they tell me because they are worried my ex will get mad at them for telling me
• When the kids have been sick with high fevers in my custody she hasn't inquired once how they are doing, if we went to the doctor and ignores me filling her in
• When the kids are sick with her or have other medical issues she does not tell me. My son had a rash being treated behind his ear and he was here for 3 days before he told me it was really bothering him (itchy). I didn't continue treatment or provide treatment for days as I was unaware. Recently my daughter has had frequent nosebleeds and I only discovered when she herself brought it up "my nose is bleeding again" and it was the first time I heard of it
• My ex has been in therapy for a year now and regularly changing mental health medications and describing herself as foggy, not thinking straight
• Our kids met my ex's affair partner recently when they were both sick and the first meeting he was left with the kids for hours while their mother went to work. She then took the kids for a weekend getaway with him and his 3 teenage kids forcing them to stay the night instead of anything neutral and/or gradual
• She blocked my number 6 weeks ago after I texted her "it would be expected and courteous to advise me when showing up at my house to drop something off" when she just showed up one weekend morning on my doorstep. I now have no way to reach my children and talk in her custody and in an emergency when I have custody I cannot contact my ex.

It seems there's nothing I can do about this and just allow it to happen. It seems so wrong and broken to me that it requires a mother to basically be a severe drug addict living with a sexual predator for them to lose custody. Meanwhile the damage to my children's mental health is a paramount concern and I'm powerless.
Is there anything I can do to protect my children?

Hi! I am 26, male. I went to a coffee shop earlier. I was amazed that the owner of the coffee shop's dog is also inside roaming around (wearing diaper too). I find the dog cute so I play with him/her. He/she playfully/ lightly scratches me on my left leg. Should I get an anti-rabies vaxx?
P.S. I tried putting alcohol to see if the site will feel burning sensation, but I don't feel any. I have no open wounds on the area and the scratches by the dog leave NO wound/bleeding. Few minutes later, scratches disappeared (I feel like I scratched my skin when itchy feels).