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Here is an article I recently published on my Substack. If you'd rather read (or listen to an audio version) it outside of Reddit, you can do so here.
Why jump rope isn’t already touted as a leading running drill tool is completely beyond me. But then again…
I'm by no means an "experienced runner"—having started running in 2021 at the age of 34. So, at the time of this writing, about 3 years.
Despite this, I managed to silver-medal my age group in my first race ever.
And it was a 10k. And I was wearing barefoot-shoes.
And I had only been running before that race for about 3 months.
How the heck did I manage to pull this off?
The answer eluded me for a while. Then I remembered—ah, I’ve been jumping rope nearly every day for 2 years.
But how do those connect?
But first, why the heck would some guy start jumping rope at age 32?
About 2 years before I started running, I took up jump rope really just as a fun outdoor hobby.
Even though I was pretty inactive and a bit overweight, that’s not the reason I started skippin’.
One day, I came across some footage of boxer Lulu Hawton doing some jump rope training.
In addition to her seemingly effortless rope handling skills and rhythmic footwork, what caught my eye was a giant grin that spread across her face about 45 seconds into the video. While she was probably skipping to warm up for a match or a training session, something was abundantly clear.
She was having a blast.
And this was from a prize fighter! None of the usual boxer mean-mugging—she looked more like a kid on a carousel.
So, after buying a $10 jump rope on Amazon, I took to the driveway in my swim trunks (yes, I was so inactive, I didn’t own gym shorts).
And…whoo, did I suck.
After a few months of making puddles of sweat in my driveway as well as wheezing sounds so loud that I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t whistle EMS, I eventually got pretty decent at it.
And I lost about 45 pounds in 6 months—probably also from making some lifestyle changes merely to make jump rope less of a slog. Not the original plan, but hey, not too shabby.
After about a year, I found myself constructively critiquing other people’s beginner jump rope videos.

• “Unlock your boxer skip. Then you’ll be able to skip forever without getting tired.”
• “Here’s how to do Double-Unders, though they’re overrated.”
• “You’re skipping like it hurts. Relax and skip easy. Smile every once in a while and you’ll feel it all over.”

But how did that turn into running?
Though jumping rope is inherently enjoyable, 30-minute skipping sessions of staring at the wall without something in your headphones can be a bit drab.
One fateful day, about 2 years into being student of the jump rope, I began listening to the book Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen by Christopher McDougall.
Even before I got to the end of the book, running—just like jump rope— sounded fun**.**
Yeah, I know that sounds counterintuitive—unless you’ve read the book.
“I knew aerobic exercise was a powerful antidepressant, but I hadn’t realized it could be so profoundly mood stabilizing and — I hate to use the word — meditative. If you don’t have answers to your problems after a four-hour run, you ain’t getting them.”
Ok, ok—I’ll bite.
I proceeded to dive into all of the normal “Couch to 5k” running programs I could find and took my jump rope to a nearby park with a 1k walking path—sprinkling in running between jump rope sessions.
But something wasn’t adding up.
There was a lot of advice about walk-running to build endurance until one could run a block, two blocks, a mile.
Not to brag, but I wasn’t experiencing most beginner snags.
**“Ah, I know why—**I did most of my newbie wind-sucking two years ago!”
This isn’t to say I wasn’t still periodically sucking wind but after two years of consistent boxer skips and double-unders, getting gassed felt like part of the fun and not a medical emergency.
I also felt much springier than the average beginning runner—able to run for miles all over the city in the most minimal of footwear.
And so, I tried my hand at my first race—a donut-themed 10k. And silvered in my age group.
(Ok, there was only two of us…but my time was still respectable. 😂)
Running became an amazingly freeing activity, like getting my driver’s license for my legs.
But I still didn’t understand why running was coming easier to me than the average newcomer.
Digging still deeper, I unearthed another exciting revelation—this time from multi-decade sub-3-hour Boston Marathon runner and one of the foremost running experts on the planet, Dr. Mark Cucuzzella.
“Running with a jump rope is also an amazingly simple drill for posture, balance, and rhythm.”
In other words—form. Overall technique.
Digging a little keeper and experimenting on myself, I discovered just how similar proper running technique and proper jump rope technique were.
Both require:

• An upright, chest-leading, elbows-back, joint-stacked posture
• A soft mid-foot landing directly under your pelvis
• A quick loading and unloading of “leg springs” from your tendons and ligaments to reduce “stickiness” and wasted energy
• A proper supination (roll out) followed by a quick pronation (roll in) of the feet to help launch one’s body
• A steady core without dropping hips from side to side to reduce energy “leakage”

And so many other commonalities. The list unraveled before me on every run.
And like running, without proper technique, jumping rope just doesn’t work—though the consequences are different.
For a jump roper, due to the lower impact, the risk of injury is quite minimal.
Most newbie rope slingers will report sore calves, slightly tender Achilles tendons, and the odd shin splint if they go full Rocky at it. No need to worry, though—most of these injuries see themselves out as the skipper becomes more experienced.
However, for runners, the injury story is more severe.
The next time you’re at a park with a good path, take a seat on a bench and watch the runners. See if you can spot folks reaching far out in front of them with straightened legs—smashing heels into the pavement.
This style of running results in everything from screaming knees, plantar fasciitis, lower back pain, to hips issues.
But why do all of these occur to new runners, but rarely to new jump ropers?
Most new runners commit a major physiological no-no when they begin their running journey: they treat running like fast, aggressive, airborne walking.
“Well, what is it supposed to be?”
Synchronized jumping.
Simply put, proper running is nothing more than a series of coordinated single leg jumps through space with each landing compressing the springs for the next stride.
To compare this synchronized jumping to the aggressive airborne walking of heel-led running, you can test these in just a few seconds.
Step 1: Stand up.
Step 2: Kick off your shoes.
Step 3: Jump up and down three times.
How did you land?
Probably on your mid-foot, knee bent slightly, with your weight stacked above your pelvis.
And did you use your compressed “leg springs” to launch you into the following two jumps?
Oddly enough, if you were to add a jump rope to this, you would on your way to spinning side swings like Lulu Hawton.
If you were to take this same technique one foot at a time moving forward, you would be running in a way that increases speed, preserves stamina (springs!), and drastically decreases your likelihood of injury.
Let’s try the same test with a few tweaks.
This time, jump, but land on your heels.
Your knees probably remained fairly straight and you felt the impact in your ankles, knees, hips, and possibly even your lower back.
Now, imagine attempting to jump rope this way.
It simply doesn’t work.
Not only would there be no second jump due to the lack of spring but the pain would stop you in your tracks—even in cushioned shoes.
But if jump rope technique and proper running technique are nearly identical, what are aggressive heel landings doing in running?
While a jump roper landing on their heels would resemble Frankenstein’s monster in an express lane to an orthopedist, this is how many people perform the aggressive airborne walk—aka, a heel-striking, over-striding run.
But why do we run this way? Well, our shoes let us get away with it.
Thick heel cushioning and a bit of forward momentum do a great job of masking the pain of repeated blows against every joint up the chain—for a while, anyway. Eventually, the chickens come home to roost in the form of stress fractures, meniscus tears, plantar fasciitis, “runner’s knee,” IT-band syndrome, and more.
Not to brag (and maybe to knock on some wood), I have never experienced any of these injuries in my three years of running.
Is this because I’m some kind of running genius with all of the cheat codes? Haha, I wish! It’s simply sheer luck that I started out with jumping rope before running—an activity that shares the same injury-preventing techniques.
So, are the shoes totally to blame? No.
It is possible to run with proper form in shoes with raised, cushioned heels. But it’s not as easy.
When your heel is totally cushioned, you will be able to run with a heel strike in the same way you can hit your head against a brick wall while wearing a football helmet. And in both instances, it will eventually become less about the forces outside of the foam and more about the forces inside the cushion against each other that do the most damage.
“So, how can getting a jump rope help me become a better runner?”
Jump rope is a tremendous training tool for runners for the same reason why running barefoot can also be helpful—the feedback is immediate.
Though running with inefficient and injurious form is possible, the feedback from doing so isn’t so immediate. When it comes to jumping rope, however, you won’t get through too many skips if you don’t learn to utilize the springs in your legs. The rope doesn’t pull punches.
So, get a rope and get started.
If you’re new to jump rope, I would recommend acquiring two pieces of equipment.
Firstly, find a jump rope with a little bit, but not too much, weight to it. The weight will help you feel the position of the rope during it’s entire rotation and remain in better sync with your wrist spins
My favorite rope for this purpose is a 7mm PVC model called the Hererope, which costs a whopping $15. If you find this to be too thick or heavy, a cheap 5mm PVC model will work as well.
Secondly, to protect your rope and provide a nice jumping surface, I would recommend a large foam-rubber exercise mat. My favorite is a massive 78” mat for $32—which is probably the cheapest jump rope mat you will find.
When it comes to footwear, barefoot is ideal. This will help strengthen and mobilize your feet—including your likely overly-supported neglected arches.
And just how does one begin to jump rope?

• Keep a tall posture—imagining a string pulling you up from the crown of your head.
• Your chest should open, elbows back, hands about a fist’s width from your pockets.
• Jump from the balls of your feet, only high enough to clear the rope. When landing, let the skin of your heels “kiss” the floor—touching without taking on weight.
• Keep your knees slightly bent, using every landing to load your springs for the next take-off.
• Keep the cadence quick to maximize spring recoil. To help, listen to a song that’s at about 160 beats per minute, such as the song “Hey Ya” by Outkast (or a song of similar tempo) to get a feel for the speed for skipping rope. (For running, many recommend using “Rock Lobster” by the B-52s for cadence tempo reference.)

Start with short seasons hopping with both feet—maybe 30 seconds on, 30 seconds rest. Aim for minimal muscular activation, instead, using the recoil of your tendons and ligaments for suspension and launch as much as possible.
From jumping with both feet, move onto learning an alternating leg bounce—essentially a jog skip. Right, left, right, left—all while keeping an imaginary belt level with the horizon.
By now, you’re essentially running in place with an extremely efficient technique.
Now, apply your jump rope skills to your running!
This is going to seem quite bizarre, but it is possible (and even beneficial) to take your jump rope for a run.

• Start skipping rope on a road or path with the alternating leg bounce. Remember to keep your elbows back, shoulders relaxed, head pulled up as if tugged skyward by a string from your crown and your imaginary belt level with the horizon.
• Then, as though leaning forward just enough to give someone a kiss or have an imaginary umbilical cord lightly tugged, begin to jump rope forward.
• Remember to continue to land and load on your mid-foot—aiming to keep your weight under your pelvis just like skipping rope. Landing on your heels will likely snag the rope and keep your foot on the ground too long.
• As you proceed with this, remember how it feels—the quick foot turnover, the posture, the recoil in your leg springs, the core stability, and the lightness of it.
• In the middle of doing this, simply toss the handles behind you and keep running as though it was still there—still pretending to spin the handles.
• At a comfortable stopping point, run back to your rope—now using your hands in a wood-chop motion to counter balance your leg bounces while keeping your pelvis (imaginary belt) level and stable.

And there you have it!
You may find it quite helpful to return to this drill once or twice a week. Also if you find your form slipping a bit or becoming slugging mid-run, feel free to skip imaginary rope to try to correct your technique mid-stride. It will restore lightness and springiness to your running.
I still find myself bringing my wrists to my pockets and spinning imaginary jump rope handles if I feel my technique is collapsing a bit or if my running is becoming less springy.
And remember, most importantly—have fun. 👍
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The story starts when I was young (17yo) I was studying at university I've been with someone we were deeply in love we broke up a lot when we were toghther but we get back together eventually we've been like this for 5 years. In The last break up I decided to move on, and I did. I met someone who's toxic i ended up the relationship. I met someone else( I will name him Liam )he was extremely good for me he was kind loving respectful I spend with him 3 years( in these 3 years my ex from university was still calling me but I didn't give him a chance )they were good 3 years I was faithful honest I've never kept anything from him he made happy I started seeing him as a blessing, At the end of the 3rd year toghther we started having fights he changed because of some problems at his work he didn't give me attention like he use to be, I spent 6 months telling him if his going to treat like this I'll leave him, he didn't listen we've been always arguing, I was telling him how hurt I was I just wanted him to treat me as he was so we can be happy again, but he didn't I was feeling sad I cried I told him what he needs to do I reminded him how he was with me so he can fix himself but he didn't, Then I did the Terrible thing I cheated on him with a guy just to feel loved feel that I'm wanted I didn't like the guy so I ended up the relationship. after that my ex from university showed up and I did talked to him I thought we are just talking there is nothing serious but eventually we got back together he asked me if I knew someone in these 3 years and I lied I didn't tell him about liam. Liam didn't know about all this because I stopped talking to him since my ex was back, I rejected Liam's calls his socials but I didn't say that it was over I ignored him. I was feeling horrible from that day untill now I didn't expect that I'm capable of cheating I didn't think of it at all, I can't sleep I can't eat well I'm a bad person I'm playing with two guys I didn't tell anyone the truth this is ripping my heart, my ex is sensing that there is something I'm hiding because I started lying to him he wants to know what's going on and I can't tell him he will hate me and he will never show up again so I told him let's have a break I need to clear my head I need to change to a better person to be with him. I haven't talked to Liam because I told him a lie that I have a family problem when the problem is solved I will call him. All I'm thinking of is letting them both go. Can anyone please help me I will appreciate it I really need an advice I started having suicidal thoughts. I can't live with myself like this. I really want a solution to this situation thank you in advance.

How do I stand up to her? I'm 20 years old and I live with her but her rule is if I live with her u have to talk to the family. It seems unfair and she never hears me out on why I cut everyone off. My ndad finally got his karma after abusing me, he's in the hospital hooked up to machines bc he had a stroke. I was extremely happy because something bad finally happened to him. He was in pain like I was when he abused me. My ndad never made himself a huge figure in my life, he often made excuses to not see my school performances to not go and didn't even want to see me graduate high school, he was a bully to me and very unmotivating as a father. He wasn’t a father who was there for me and supported me. He was very fucked up. I didn’t see a bother to give a crap about a person who didn’t bother to come to my events and support me nor care for me. He didn’t do the bare minimum of what a parent was supposed to do either. He’s a a lazy slob who didn’t wan to work a job and help out, he uses his diabetes as an excuse to be enabled and babied and get my money. He “cared” a lot more about my Nmom, he didn’t care about me at all.
My nparents didn’t have me for the reasons non-nparents would have. He defended my nmoms explosive abusive immature behavior a lot, he was never there for me because he chose my high maintenance Nmom. Even when my Nmom was in the wrong and challenging me like a child he just let her do it. My ndad also abused me too, he enabled my nmoms abuse to me. He made my choice into not wanting a relationship with him very easy but my Nmom doesn’t like that i’m in NC wirh him. I’m also not seeing him at the hospital too. I went once because my Nmom was loosing her shit but after that I didn’t. She keeps guilt tripping me into this bad daughter completely ignoring the fact he wasn’t a active father in my life. He’s a lazy slob who used everyone to his advantage to be housed. My ndad gives my Nmom supply how does me being in nc with my ndad affect her? It SHOULDNT. I’m guessing the family image is becoming public? I don’t care, I care about my mental health. Guys I need some advice. Why is she acting like this? Please give I need some advice. I’m 20 years old, i’m about to make it known that I’m paying for my own phone which means I can who I want and text who I want. She was just texting me today to text my enabler aunt a happy birthday which i’m in NC with as well as she’s a enableflying monkey to my Nmom too. As soon as I can get out i’m cutting my Nmom off so fast. She wants me to be in contact wirh everyone and acts like they didn’t do anything bad. I can’t move out yet but she can’t control who I talk to? This is insane she’s even trying to control who I speak to.

Hey everyone,
I’m hoping to get some advice here, so bear with me as this is a bit of a long story. I got hit with a 5-year ban at the U.S. border because the officer thought I was trying to reunite with my ex-wife and get a job through her. Just to give some context, I was on a B1/B2 5-year visit visa, living and working in the UK, and this was my first time visiting the U.S. since my divorce.
So, here's the backstory: I got married to a U.S. citizen, and we initially planned to go through the spouse visa process. But unfortunately, things went south because of her infidelity while I was in the UK. We decided to get divorced, and since she’s a lawyer, the whole process was pretty quick. Everything was done over Zoom; I wasn’t even present in court due to some engagements, but it didn’t really matter since all the paperwork was signed and the Zoom court session was just a formality. For reference, we weren’t even married for a year, though we dated for over three years before deciding to tie the knot, hoping to be together.
I moved to the UK for my MSc while waiting for the visa process, but the distance and her infidelity took a toll, and she asked for a divorce, likely to move on with someone new. I didn’t object. We finalized our divorce and went our separate ways. I continued with my MSc program in the UK, and though we were apart, we still had each other’s numbers and stayed in touch occasionally.
Fast forward to me deciding to give the U.S. visit visa a try, and I got it. In our conversations, I mentioned to her that I got the visa and was planning a trip to the U.S. This led to us talking more, and she kept suggesting ways for me to stay in the country, even sending me daily U.S. job applications to apply for from the UK. On the day I was supposed to fly to the U.S., she offered to pick me up from the airport, and I didn’t see any harm in that since I thought we were still good friends despite the divorce.
But things went south at the border. The immigration officer questioned me hard about my visit, took my phone, and saw our conversations. It ended with me getting deported back to the UK and slapped with a 5-year U.S. ban. This whole experience was a massive blow to my mental health. I got seriously depressed, and to top it off, my ex-wife messaged me later saying she was cutting all ties with me and then blocked me.
I haven’t fully recovered from the depression caused by all this. Every time I think about how it all went down, I get really sad. Recently, my ex-wife reached out again to tell me she’s remarried to someone in the U.S. I’m back in the UK, trying to rebuild my life and see what I can do here since I have legal status, but I can’t help feeling down about the whole situation.
My experience at the U.S. border was traumatic; I even spent a night in a holding cell before being sent back. My ex-wife suggested I move on with my life and maybe seek help from communities like this to figure out how to overturn the visa ban.
I’m slowly getting my life back on track, but I really want to overturn the 5-year ban and don’t even know where to start. I’m also considering applying for a Canada PR visa from the UK or even trying the visit visa again, but having this ban hanging over me is really affecting me. I’m feeling depressed and struggling to move forward.
Any advice or guidance you all could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

I went to purchase a RUC from the nzta website, and after entering my odometer, desired RUCs, and my email address, I got a blank page. Something has stuck, because if I go back to try again, it's for buying even more RUCs (to a higher odometer level). What's the usual process? Should I be expecting an emailed invoice, or do I need to give them a call? If they email, usually how long does that take?
I did send nzta an email, but it says that they have a backlog and to expect a response in 15 working days.

SOOOO let me start off with, the reason I'm confused is bc it doesn't make any sense. SO A Month ago I had a Retreat RC with a tooth on top ( endo did the retreat) then I had a tooth pulled that already had a root canal/crown just last week ( last Wednesday), it was also a back top tooth#2, I have been doing salt Walter rinses amd finished my Antibiotics on Saturday. ( it was my 3rd round of Abx my 1st round Amixocillin 7 days was 2 weeks before my Retreat bc my dentist said it may have been a sinus infection bc xrays showed NO INFECTION, went to Endo he started the Retreat with a drain and put Medicine in and sealed it up put me on my (2nd Round Antibiotics ) Keflex for 7 days, then 3 weeks later went back to finish up Retreat root canal, everything went awesome, but he let me know that my back top tooth #2 which had crown/rootcanal was loose and had a crack he could see on the x ray but I had already had a bad taste coming from it which I had already told my dentist, and he said it looked fine and it was probably from the one that was being retreated which he had said that it didn't have any infection ( it was infected based on what endo said, but My Dentist informed me that Endos can see more bc of their equipment, although my Dentist done a xRay that went all away around my head and he had stated he could see everything) so I had called my Dentist to make an appointment to have crown took off to look at it, but then with rge Money adding up so quickly I said let's pull it bc Endo said by what he saw it probably needed pulled and he was correct, it was decayed pretty bad, it's been less than a week it was pulled, but before they pulled it 4 days before I was put on a (3rd round of Abx Amoxicillin 9 days, [it was for 10 days but dropped my bottle and 3 of my pills got soaked] ) went had #2 extracted so far so good, THEN THIS MORNING HAPPENS!!!! Getting to my question, so sorry.
So I brushed my teeth and I have been noticing that bottom tooth # 30 which has also had a root canal with a crown just a couple years ago by my Dentist, has been sensitive and been told that is normal and since I have had the top extraction just 5 days ago I have noticed it is sore maybe from the pressure of biting on guaze trying to get bleeding to stop from the extraction ( I was bleeding for 8 Hrs pretty heavy)I'm not sure, ANYWAY then I noticed a hard Bump that was the color of my skin it was just a Hard bump with NO white on it like a pimple, but it was hard so I called my Dentist they said to come in at 12PM only 3 hrs away, so I was in the car before going in and I pulled the side of my mouth to look at it and pulled tight and then I tasted a salty taste,, ( the pressure from pulling the skin to look at it must have popped it) didn't see anything but BUMP GOT SMALLER, as I'm walking into my Dentist, x ray was done with a visual exam , ( no tapping of teeth or cold/hot sensitivity test just visual and xRay) was glaced at for maybe 10 seconds when I showed him where a very tiny bump remained (bc my dumb butt had to look at it and mess with it before he looked at it, so it popped amd went down quickly)and he gets up takes gloves off and said no sign of infection , so I asked what it was and the taste I explained to him once again, he said IDK I see nothing, he then says maybe a Mucosa Gland but not sure bc nothing is there, I asked if he could see where it was leaking, he said no signs of infection, I remind him I was told the same when I did have infection when he sentt me to the endo. So I felt embarrassed and so stupid and felt so small bc I felt he just didn't believe me bc his tone, didn't even explain anything to me, so abt 6 hrs later it's coming back slowly, amd I called my detist office again to let them know the bump is returning amd sometimes I taste a salty taste,the office staff called me back amd said he said he could put me on anorher round of antibiotics( 4th round) just in case it is an infection or gum boil, or it may just be a mucosa cyst ( i thought cyst didnt drain?)I reminded them I had just finished a 9 day ABX ( my 3rd round) not even 48 hrs ago, then I told her I wanted to ask him questions bc I never had a " Abcess/ Gum Boil/Mucosa Cyst, but he literally was in that room with me MAYBE 1.5 MINUTES, she asked me what would I need to know, I then changed the subject amd asked what should I do going foward, Their Amswer since I'm" denying" My 4th round of Antibiotics within a month and a half was to see if it keeps coming back, maybe wait a month or so, touch base if any significant change and go from there. I asked if maybe I should go to an oral surgeon for them to glance at it. I was told no , I couldn't get a referral let's just wait and see, I explained to them if IF it's an infection I would take my 4th round of Antibiotics but he said it wasn't an infection this morning , amd I asked twice as he was walking out if he was sure it wasn't t an infection, he stated NO It isn't, then while walking down the hall I asked him one more time if he was sure it wasn't an infection he said NO, if it was am abcess it would show up on xray. He then stated real loud NOTHING NOTHING Is there and IF something Appears call us, I felt so small. But I did call, and I still have NO ANSWERS after paying $110.00 today for NOTHING!!!! I also have Crohns so being on alot of Antibiotics cam really mess me up, amd ir it's truly not an infection you don't need an Antibiotic, or so I thought. So I said and explained all that, to ask, is it possible to have a "Gum boil" without any infection? The hard Bump is not right under tooth #30, it's more over we're #29 ( but #29 is gone just empty space) so it's way down on gums Like where your inside cheeks go down and meet ur gums, I hope I'm explaining that right, anyway again it's not right up under tooth #30 I would say if #29 was there it would be under that tooth all the way down past gums where gums meets ur cheeks. ( when I'm home I may be able to get a picture to explain better) but again #30 has been sore and hurting off and on since extraction again I thought it was from me bitting down on that guaze all those hrs, I had alot of pressure on them, but before that I had explained to them that it was sensitive to sweets, amd some colds was told it was normal, so again here are my questions!!
What could it be if it isn't infection?
Should I get a 2nd opinion?
If it's an abcess , are abcess hard to leak out, does it take alot to pop am abcess? ( again there was no white pimple looking bump or any blood or pus that leaked out it was just clear n salty, amd the color of bump was the color of my gums)?
How fast do abcess fill back up if it's an infection amd would it hurt and could u see where it leaked or popped fluid from? Would it look like a sore after it pops? ( mine hasn't filled all the way up as it was this morning but i can tell it's coming back, it's slow.
Should I take another 4th round of Antibiotics without knowing it's a true infection?
I have spent $2,800 in the past Month and half, and I'm so scared I'm gonna have to lose another tooth bc I can't afford another Retreat, and I'm scared my dentist doesn't really care or maybe just doesn't know, but being told to wait it out, if it's am abcess wouldn't that be dangerous? I hope I explained amd to anyone that cares to explain anything to me abt what you think my Dentist is thinking please explain to me bc I don't even know. All I l ow to do, is wait and see what happens. And was told to try to wait atleast a month. THANKS and GOD BLESS!!!!

Hi everyone, I posted about a year ago about my son, who was almost 3 at the time, and how he struggled socially in a number of ways.
The main struggles are:

• Interacting with anyone he’s not confortable with (and even those he is confortable with, sometimes needs a bit of time to warm up)
  
• Rather be on his on in social settings and doesn’t really follow the pack into playing just kinda drifts off to do his own thing.
  
• Seems to enter his own bubble when he’s overwhelmed and can’t focus for more than a few seconds when in these situations. His mind wanders often.
  

Now there is more but I won’t go into too much more detail. My main concern is now he is starting to tell us that people he doesn’t know are mean and that they are not nice because of stuff they never did. On top of this, just today we asked him how it went at daycare when they celebrated a friend’s birthday and he said he didn’t want to sing and he wasn’t happy for said friend. That he only wanted it to be his birthday (which was recently).
We’ve taken him to see an occupational therapist for help and to see a social therapist and both of them say he’s ok and what he struggles with is borderline and they don’t see a reason yet to send him for an overall evaluation to diagnose a possibility of autism or other disorder, however they never see him in his most uncomfortable setting. That, coupled with his new angry, upset and defensive feeling towards others makes me question if we should be getting another kind of evaluation maybe from a psychologist?
Anyone here have a similar experience and if so, care to share your story on what you did?

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Is this too much ?
Hello ****
Pls Dont think i am weird or a creep
I just think very deeply
I struggle with socialising and relating to people.
And i feel like a coward and rotten, fearful in general Scared to speak up, to open up to people I very much struggle with these things because i have a a very low opinion of myself I have very very low self esteem I dont like to admit it but i am very sensitive And i dont communicate very well at all And am always on edge fearful and struggle trusting people, opening up to people.
I Like you a lot and i see how much effort u put in to your job And how much you have helped me do my job The days u gave up to come in and help me The stuff u sorted me out with And the kind words from you
You Tolerate me, working with me and always being a good person to me never a bad word from you Even when i frustrate you, which i bet i do, you never let it show When u are struggling with things you are always cheerful with me and make effort even when you had a lot of your personal thinngs going on
So just letting you know i really like you, respect you and thanks for being a good person to me.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Almost 3 weeks ago I broke up with my bf of 3 years. Not because I didn't love him anymore, but because he treated me really bad. This made me feel alone in the relationship and the trust was gone because of his lies. He is not at all a bad person or evil don't get that from this. After the first year together we wanted to study together but he couldn't get in and I did. The period after I felt very alone and I was trying to fix it all on my own, he didn't really communicate. I ended up emotionally cheating for 1 week because I needed compagnionship. After that we were never the same ever again. This happened 1,5 years ago. In the year after I really had to constantly prove myself and I really improved as a gf, but not to the point I want to get at.
Last august he moved to my parents house to start a study closer to me. I said I didn't want to do long distance anymore or I would break up. I couldn't come to him, I would've done that if that was a possibility. He didn't come up with alternatives or communicate his feelings whats so ever. When he was finally here he barely went to school, didn't do sport or social activities, he only started to work in january and used gaming as a coping mechanism. He neglected the relationship and himself. So after a long period of this and more I decided to end things. My psychologist said I was enabling his depression and I didn't want to do that. So I told him to go back to his own country. Since then he has been even more cold and distant.
We did end things with we love eachother a lot but it wasn't working like this. I asked for a week of space and to call after. We finally called after 1,5 weeks and it didn't go as I hope it would. He said he wanted to give me this call because I never got closure with my previous boyfriend. But he was cold and distant and not very interested in me. He also didn't want to discuss the relationship or certain things that happened. I was relieved with my decision because since he left my life was easier, because I was always trying to make him happy or fix his issues. But I did hope we could become friends after a while or get back together after we both went through therapy. Because we have a lot in common and want the same things in life so I thought maybe then we can make it work then.
I kinda was hoping it could be a really nice emotional talk in which we were both looking forward to the future regardless of what the future is. Becoming friends later on and keeping the door slightly open. But he was distant, he agreed on maybe keeping in touch a bit and like I could maybe visit him after my exams. But he was talking about a closed door and not wanting to be friends when he finds someone else etc. He also dyed his hair and made some new friends. It feels like he did a full 180 on the guy I knew 2 weeks ago. I really thought sending him away and stop enabling his depression would finally make him want to be the boyfriend I needed. But over the phone he said he fell out of love with me after I emotionally cheated and that he loved me less and less over time. But if I think about how it was and when I look at pictures he was definitely still obsessed with me, but mostly physical. I feel like he is completely changed and slipping away from me. I dont know what to do, it feels like my heart is on fire and I cant breath.

there’s just always something I have to put off good things for.
even as a girl with my period cycle. usually the 11 days before my period I am so irritated and moody. so basically take away 1/3 of what’s left of my life to that.
especially the first day of my period aka today I am EXHAUSTED from bleeding. and people say see a doctor but I don’t wanna go on birth control. I genuinely believe I am just healthily experiencing the full range of human emotions bc I find it healthier to experience than pushing it down.
but it’s just a reality of life that at the most u are genuinely feeling happier than usual less than 50% of the time. cuz u can’t be relatively happy more than that or it loses meaning.
but yeah my period day 1 no memories are ever made. i’m literally just recharging. it’s 6pm and i’ve barely moved from my bed.
youth u can go crazy and have fun and get drunk a lot for a couple years without it hurting ur future or health too heavily. I had that. but at some point it starts feeling meaningless and empty, even tho it felt like everything for years.
now i’m past that stage and rather set up a good future than meaninglessly throw away my future to temporarily forget my pain.
I mean I will plan something fun sometime soon. i’m just also exhausted from my first week of my new job.
so much of life, if lived healthily on my terms, is recharging, or doing “boring” things that set myself up for a better future (working out, doing things to save money, making healthy food, etc).
idk. i’m 23 and life is scaring me bc I feel like my years of genuine carefree joy (basically the first 2 years of college) are over and the rest of my life is bleak adulthood with 3-10 events of genuine fun a year if that. idk.
I feel like i’ve already met every kind of person. I met hundreds of new ppl at my job already and they didn’t even feel like new people to me. they all remind me of someone from the past. I feel like nothing in life can really be that exciting anymore and that makes me feel meh.
I can’t even enjoy crushing on people. bc fun crushes are never long term healthy. and I don’t feel like investing energy into something that will eventually not work out and hurt to lose.
idk what life is anymore but I might make food and maybe that will make me feel better.
i’m not wearing makeup and don’t feel like interacting. sure I will feel better and more refreshed tomorrow, but it is just so much to maintain basic health and rest. idk how ppl do it. I feel a little more stable than I did at 21 y/o, but a lot less excited about life. i’ve felt this was basically since my breakup when I was 21.
idk. i’m just reflecting. please don’t tell me im depressed. I don’t think I have a disorder, everything I feel and the logic behind it is pretty valid. I do still find joy in life I just feel like the realness of life is hitting me more as I am a 23 year old and as I get older. idk. I wish I could have a fun healthy exciting love story that lasted happily till old age. but everyone says don’t look for happiness in love so I get overwhelmed with what that means and don’t even try at all.
I have sm more to say but I kinda want my food and am kinda tired. I hope I feel better tomorrow. my period is just really heavy and exhausting today.

Hey everyone,
I’m hoping to get some advice here, so bear with me as this is a bit of a long story. I got hit with a 5-year ban at the U.S. border because the officer thought I was trying to reunite with my ex-wife and get a job through her. Just to give some context, I was on a B1/B2 5-year visit visa, living and working in the UK, and this was my first time visiting the U.S. since my divorce.
So, here's the backstory: I got married to a U.S. citizen, and we initially planned to go through the spouse visa process. But unfortunately, things went south because of her infidelity while I was in the UK. We decided to get divorced, and since she’s a lawyer, the whole process was pretty quick. Everything was done over Zoom; I wasn’t even present in court due to some engagements, but it didn’t really matter since all the paperwork was signed and the Zoom court session was just a formality. For reference, we weren’t even married for a year, though we dated for over three years before deciding to tie the knot, hoping to be together.
I moved to the UK for my MSc while waiting for the visa process, but the distance and her infidelity took a toll, and she asked for a divorce, likely to move on with someone new. I didn’t object. We finalized our divorce and went our separate ways. I continued with my MSc program in the UK, and though we were apart, we still had each other’s numbers and stayed in touch occasionally.
Fast forward to me deciding to give the U.S. visit visa a try, and I got it. In our conversations, I mentioned to her that I got the visa and was planning a trip to the U.S. This led to us talking more, and she kept suggesting ways for me to stay in the country, even sending me daily U.S. job applications to apply for from the UK. On the day I was supposed to fly to the U.S., she offered to pick me up from the airport, and I didn’t see any harm in that since I thought we were still good friends despite the divorce.
But things went south at the border. The immigration officer questioned me hard about my visit, took my phone, and saw our conversations. It ended with me getting deported back to the UK and slapped with a 5-year U.S. ban. This whole experience was a massive blow to my mental health. I got seriously depressed, and to top it off, my ex-wife messaged me later saying she was cutting all ties with me and then blocked me.
I haven’t fully recovered from the depression caused by all this. Every time I think about how it all went down, I get really sad. Recently, my ex-wife reached out again to tell me she’s remarried to someone in the U.S. I’m back in the UK, trying to rebuild my life and see what I can do here since I have legal status, but I can’t help feeling down about the whole situation.
My experience at the U.S. border was traumatic; I even spent a night in a holding cell before being sent back. My ex-wife suggested I move on with my life and maybe seek help from communities like this to figure out how to overturn the visa ban.
I’m slowly getting my life back on track, but I really want to overturn the 5-year ban and don’t even know where to start. I’m also considering applying for a Canada PR visa from the UK or even trying the visit visa again, but having this ban hanging over me is really affecting me. I’m feeling depressed and struggling to move forward.
Any advice or guidance you all could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Hey everyone,
I’m hoping to get some advice here, so bear with me as this is a bit of a long story. I got hit with a 5-year ban at the U.S. border because the officer thought I was trying to reunite with my ex-wife and get a job through her. Just to give some context, I was on a B1/B2 5-year visit visa, living and working in the UK, and this was my first time visiting the U.S. since my divorce.
So, here's the backstory: I got married to a U.S. citizen, and we initially planned to go through the spouse visa process. But unfortunately, things went south because of her infidelity while I was in the UK. We decided to get divorced, and since she’s a lawyer, the whole process was pretty quick. Everything was done over Zoom; I wasn’t even present in court due to some engagements, but it didn’t really matter since all the paperwork was signed and the Zoom court session was just a formality. For reference, we weren’t even married for a year, though we dated for over three years before deciding to tie the knot, hoping to be together.
I moved to the UK for my MSc while waiting for the visa process, but the distance and her infidelity took a toll, and she asked for a divorce, likely to move on with someone new. I didn’t object. We finalized our divorce and went our separate ways. I continued with my MSc program in the UK, and though we were apart, we still had each other’s numbers and stayed in touch occasionally.
Fast forward to me deciding to give the U.S. visit visa a try, and I got it. In our conversations, I mentioned to her that I got the visa and was planning a trip to the U.S. This led to us talking more, and she kept suggesting ways for me to stay in the country, even sending me daily U.S. job applications to apply for from the UK. On the day I was supposed to fly to the U.S., she offered to pick me up from the airport, and I didn’t see any harm in that since I thought we were still good friends despite the divorce.
But things went south at the border. The immigration officer questioned me hard about my visit, took my phone, and saw our conversations. It ended with me getting deported back to the UK and slapped with a 5-year U.S. ban. This whole experience was a massive blow to my mental health. I got seriously depressed, and to top it off, my ex-wife messaged me later saying she was cutting all ties with me and then blocked me.
I haven’t fully recovered from the depression caused by all this. Every time I think about how it all went down, I get really sad. Recently, my ex-wife reached out again to tell me she’s remarried to someone in the U.S. I’m back in the UK, trying to rebuild my life and see what I can do here since I have legal status, but I can’t help feeling down about the whole situation.
My experience at the U.S. border was traumatic; I even spent a night in a holding cell before being sent back. My ex-wife suggested I move on with my life and maybe seek help from communities like this to figure out how to overturn the visa ban.
I’m slowly getting my life back on track, but I really want to overturn the 5-year ban and don’t even know where to start. I’m also considering applying for a Canada PR visa from the UK or even trying the visit visa again, but having this ban hanging over me is really affecting me. I’m feeling depressed and struggling to move forward.
Any advice or guidance you all could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Anyways, this girl I dated months ago. We were seeing each other for like 6 months. Towards the last couple of months, we barely saw each other. I found out she was stringing me along. But it is what it is. Anyways, she called me one day and said “I miss you and want to be more consistent with hanging out and talking. I think you’re a really great person and I’m really sorry for treating you poorly.” So, I gave her a second chance. Things were getting better. Then she once again changed her mind. At the time I still had feeling for her. She told me “Hey I know this is u fair to ask. But I’m seeing someone else. But I still want to be friends.” I said “that’s too much to ask right now, but I hope all is well for you.” She kept messaging me and trying to get me to hangout with her. I said “hey I just need to focus on myself for a bit. But hope all is well with you” I disappeared off social media for about 6 months.
I eventually I reached out on Snapchat. I found a couple of her stuff and asked if she wanted it.
She then proceeded to be all friendly and stuff. And said she had some of mine. We spoke for a little over 2 months.(she started most of the conversations. And snap streak) Last week we touched on the subject on being friends and we agreed to hangout. I had to cancel that week cus I was out with my friends. Week after, I told her I’m good for Saturday. And she just goes “I appreciate the offer, but I really think I just wanna make the trade”
Anyways, she arrived at my place. I meet her outside and she looked both annoyed and nervous. We gave each other our stuff. And she stood there for a while just kinda looking at me. Then turned around to head back to her car, then turned back to me and looked like she was going to say something. I just go “are you alright” She said yeah and just stood there and I was like “it’s good to see you’re doing well. Would you like to get something to eat or drink”
She goes “oh no I’m fine” and stood there for a little. So I just go “okay, see ya” and walked off. She messaged me saying “good to see you’re well too. I hope your dad has been okay” (he was sick)… But yeah, it was weird. I went to let the snap score die. However, she keeps snapping me and acting like we are best friends. I tried to let the streak die, I stayed off snap for a couple of days, but it’s still going. Idk how that’s possible. To me, at this point it just seems like she wants attention. Seems so shallow… Idk man. What do you think?

The first time, he was on tinder only put pictures with his body showing (he is in great shape) he was on tinder for a year and a half and only met up with one person on the side of the road, at night, going on a run. It took a year for me to ever be intimate with him again. Just recently, these past three months I have finally felt content and I was hopeful for our marriage. I told him I forgive him fully and never loved him more. We have been through a lot of traumatic things together and asked to never hurt me again.
An old friend of mine messaged me a few days ago, with a tinder profile of my husband. This time 7 photos of him fighting and shirtless and in his underwear showing his face. She matched him and she asked about me, he unmatched her. I confronted him he said. That we do not have enough sex and he wanted more and he was only 30% sure he was going to follow through with it and was only on it 4 days before getting caught. He did not try to cheat on me when we had no sex for a year. Suddenly I start having sex with him again and he said it made him want more. I just had a major surgery 4 months ago for a rare compression. I also have more health issues and another medical procedure coming up.
We have a young child together who is very clingy. My husband works 46-50 hour weeks. But we have gotten a lot of financial help from my father’s money who died 3 weeks before my son was born. So he isn’t the only one that contributes to our household. He even had to take my car because he didn’t want to pay to fix his. But still I am grateful and praise him for his hard work. When he gets home, I have eveything taken care of, dinner made so he can just relax for an hour and then we have to get ready for bed. Our child is about to start kindergarten, I told him it will be easier to have some time together then. I also have taught our son to read, write, add, subtract, and he knows his multiplications already before even going to school. I put a lot of my energy into our child. I quit drinking and smoking when I found out I was pregnant and never touched it again. I understand what it’s like to have an itch. I just never acted on mine.
Unfortunately, our sex life is not the greatest. Mostly it consists of oral and hand jobs at most 5 times a week. They are short lived as my son will ask for me. I’m still scared of penetration since he gave me an sti last time that spread to my reproductive organs. But I have had it. I feel like he would cheat regardless, but I still feel at fault. We had a long talk where I got him to stop saying if we had more he would not of looked to cheat, that it was about variety that’s what it was about last time. He also thought if he scratched the itch and actually had a good experience sleeping with other people that he would be able to stop thinking about it. I told him it would do the opposite as when he cheated the last time he had issues getting hard with me.
I feel like an idiot typing this out. He’s a good father. I don’t think I can ever trust him again. Divorce is not an option for me. He now agrees with me and says he is happy he got caught now because he would have made things worse. I can’t help feeling that some of it is my fault though. That I am not giving enough. I asked how much he would need then to not cheat and he said “every day, I don’t know.” And he said it has to be vaginal sex. He can’t even give me straight answers. I don’t think he could have sex everyday with his work schedule and a girl on tinder, but who knows. I don’t know what I’m asking after. Just if anyone can decipher this mess and give me some sort of advice on how to come to terms with this situation.

I have worked for Target for 8 years, I have 4 year prior management experience and 4 years construction experience.
I started out on Inbound and Electronics, I've been a DBO/DPO, backroom team member and am currently working P-fresh, I helped set up the stores ship form store and am the bike buildetrainer, I'm cross trained in every department at my own initiative (including receiving). I worked the truck for 4 years and ran it for 2 (while the TL was busy cheating on his wife with team members and covering for his buddies who got paid to stand around and talk). I got passed over when he left for a guest service TL who had never even touched a box of freight. Then they had me train him on how to work inbound.
I continued to run inbound under this new TL until he went on his paternity leave, he put my name forward for the tempt TL position and Instead our SD put a team member in charge who'd been there about 5 months (I also trained him on working truck). Then when the TL got promoted to ETL he, another TL and another ETL put my name forward for the position and she still said no. Said I wasn't a team player.
I refused to run the truck anymore and switched to POG. Worked there for 2 years until they decided to put me on our remodel team to show I could lead a team (in preparation for being a PML), by every account I did an amazing job! Half way through the remodel our overnight TL moved, they decided to temp promote a softlines team member from another store who had zero relevant experience (the remodel was logistics and gen merch based). They expected me to "support the new leader in their development", so I spent the rest of remodel babysitting and cleaning up after her.
After the remodel was over our PML (my mentor) was promoted to ETL, I applied for his position and was denied the roll because they "didn't want to promote from within the same store". The PML I was applying to replace was promoted to the position from within our store but ok I guess. They say "we have another PML position opening up in 6 months due to retirement!" so I'm told to wait for that one. I wait 6 months and that PML delays his retirement. He does this 2 more times until he finally retires next month!
Last week I had to interview again and the interviews went great! But I find out today they decided to go with a "more experienced candidate".
I'm done.
They have made it clear that there is ZERO incentive for their senior staff to continue working hard and putting in effort for this company. They pay team members who've been here practically 5 minutes the same as those who've been here decades and give shit for raises. Target claims it's about family, it's a joke.
TLDR: Target promotes people who can kiss ass the best instead of people who can actually do the job

My now ex- boyfriend and I were together for 6 years and have lived together for 2. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl he worked with. He told me they were just friends and that she didn’t mean anything. He said the only reason he didn’t tell me that he talked to her everyday was because he knew I would get jealous.
He knew that he was hiding her from me but choose to blame me and then proceed to say he didn’t cheat. After I broke up with him, he started to hang out with her two days later. They are now dating and he’s putting in all of the effort I begged for and taking her on all of the dates I’ve asked to go on. How do I move on from this?
Did I mention that he told me she would be coming over after I move out? I can’t tell if he’s in love or just playing house and replacing me.

1) Will this be your first dog? If not, what experience do you have owning/training dogs?

• Yes it’ll be my first pet. I never owned or trained a dog before.

2) Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a reputable breeder?

• I prefer rescue.

3) Describe your ideal dog.

• Low energy, friendly with strangers, can come with me on walks/runs

4) What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?

• Great Pyrenees- gentle giants Rottweilers

5) What sorts of things would you like to train your dog to do?

• def AKC Good Citizen Certificate,

6) Do you want to compete with your dog in a sport (e.g. agility, obedience, rally) or use your dog for a form of work (e.g. hunting, herding, livestock guarding)? If so, how much experience do you have with this work/sport?

• no

Care Commitments
7) How long do you want to devote to training, playing with, or otherwise interacting with your dog each day?

• i can train/play/interact everyday during puppy phase then hopefully it’ll become a bit more independent

8) How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What sorts of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly and does that include using a dog park?

• i hope to exercise with my dog by going on walks/runs twice a day for at least a mile. I can take my dog to dog parks

9) How much regular brushing are you willing to do? Are you open to trimming hair, cleaning ears, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?

• i dont mind. Whatever the dog needs

Personal Preferences
10) What size dog are you looking for?

• large! Bigger than a golden retriever but smaller than a great dane

11) How much shedding, barking, and slobber can you handle?

• dont mind shedding, or barking. Preferring little slobber

12) How important is being able to let your dog off-leash in an unfenced area?

• somewhat important. I want to trust my dog not to be aggressive towards people or other animals

Dog Personality and Behavior
13) Do you want a snuggly dog or one that prefers some personal space?

• mix of both? Doesnt mind snuggles but not a clingy dog

14) Would you prefer a dog that wants to do its own thing or one that’s more eager-to-please?

• eager to please but not attached to my hip

15) How would you prefer your dog to respond to someone knocking on the door or entering your yard? How would you prefer your dog to greet strangers or visitors?

• alert for noise by barking but calms down when greeting vistors

16) Are you willing to manage a dog that is aggressive to other dogs?

• no bc idk how to either

17) Are there any other behaviors you can’t deal with or want to avoid?

• aggression of any nature

Lifestyle
18) How often and how long will the dog be left alone?

• alone for at least 4-5 hours a day during the week.

19) What are the dog-related preferences of other people in the house and what will be their involvement in caring for the dog?

• just me caring for the dog

20) Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets? What breed or type of animal are they?

• i dont have any pets right now but i plan to have at least 2 dogs so they can be friendos

21) Will the dog be interacting with children regularly?

• no children

22) Do you rent or plan to rent in the future? If applicable, what breed or weight restrictions are on your current lease?

• no restrictions

23) What city or country do you live in and are you aware of any laws banning certain breeds?

• LA

24) What is the average temperature of a typical summer and winter day where you live?

• can get to high 80s close to 90s in the summer. For winter lowest is like mid 60s

Additional Information and Questions
25) Please provide any additional information you feel may be relevant.

• i want my dog to work as a therapy dog. I know its dependent on temperament and not breed but hopefully its easily trainable

26) Feel free to ask any questions below.

Hey everyone
I’m mid 20s and feel tired all the time. So tired of everything it feels like I’m 47 with 3 teenage kids and a husband with whom I speak a total of 4 sentences to in a day.
I’m exhausted all the time and this isn’t normal. Spoke to other mates of mine in the same age range and everyone is tired. We’re so tired of this grind. We (my friend circle) are all tertiary graduates yet earn just the bare minimum to make it thru the month. Upwards motion in our respective careers feels like shooting urself in the foot bc u then entire a different tax bracket, thus facing heavier deductions. So yeah, bigger salary but not by much by way of tax.
We’re all so tired of this damn rat race - when does it end exactly ? Of my close circle, 2 out of 5 have pursued their masters with the 3rd currently finishing her masters. We’re doing so because undergrad jobs simply don’t offer hefty enough salaries to live COMFORTABLY. My mates that have pursued postgrad plan on having careers in academia.
When I was in a season of unemployment I had to work retail for a few months - as a graduate with a degree, I had to go fold clothes for minimum wage because the employers want graduates but want prior experience and references that are highly regarded ? Straight outta undergrad ? And when u get employed as an intern you get paid just enough to afford some grapes and bottled water along with rent - if you’re lucky. Tired of it all ffs. How did our parents do it ? My mother was a teacher and my father a correspondent for the UN (due to his history in politics) and never seemed as tired as I currently feel and I don’t even have children Wtf.

My (22F) boyfriend (23M) left me officially last week. He originally broke up with me back in July, be we reconciled and were working towards bettering our relationship. Let's just say, after the first breakup, he changed as a person and became extremely secretive of anything and everything. The way he treated me this past year compared to the following years are an extreme difference, and it was noticeable. He honestly treated my horribly, always leading me on and changing plans and juggling my feelings. I tried changing for him, which I now realize didn't help at all. I tried to do things to bring that spark back between us since I could tell it wasn't the same as it used to be.
I feel like I did everything in my power to change the outcome of our relationship this past year, but it didn't seem to make a difference for him. I made several attempts to mend our very broken relationship, but I slowly became a bundle of anxiety and sadness since the first breakup, always fearful that he would leave me again and I made him aware of my feelings.
After being secretive for some time and untruthful about many things, he left me for the last time just this past Saturday. It feels surreal considering the fact that I expected him to be my husband and to grow old with me. We made plans to spend the rest of our lives together, but he was actually cheating on me this entire past year with his manager (31F). He basically promised me a future and that we would be together, but I also found out he had been doing the same for this other woman.
So, now that he is permanently gone and has moved on so quickly, I could really use some advice on how I can move on myself. I relied on him so much the last two years emotionally, which I admitted to being at fault for in the past. I just feel so lost since he basically ripped our possible future together right out of my hands and will possibly live out that future with his new girl. It seemed like he really loved her, and any love for me had completely disappeared. Any tips on getting over this situation and learning to love myself and my alone time would be greatly appreciated. I struggle with just going out of the house by myself now, only leaving for work. Thanks for anyone who read any of this.