How much ephedrine from one plant

I've been seeing a lot of videos from women with male partners regarding how to de-center your husband in your relationship. The idea is to have a better understanding of your own wants, needs, and feelings and allowing your male partner to understand and manage his own wants, needs, and feelings. Obviously, not to the extent that you neglect your partner, but treating them as an adult who is capable of communicating and acting like one. Boundary-setting and accountability come into play here as well as learning how to practice radical honesty with yourself and others.
I'm curious about people's thoughts about this, especially women who are in relationships with men. And I'm sure there are instances where women need to de-center other women or men need to de-center women. However, I've seen so much misery both in this sub and on Reddit in general from women whose lives revolve around their male partner in some way. And I wonder how freeing it would be if women just....didn't do that? This can also be applied to work relationships with men as well.
Do you practice de-centering with the men in your life? Meaning, do you focus on your feelings, wants, and needs while giving your male partner space to focus on theirs? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, is this something you are interested in starting to implement in your relationship?

I’m going to try to keep this to relevant information but if anything is unclear please feel free to ask. About 5 years ago my dad was in a pretty bad car accident but made it out. There was a long recovery time but he started to make progress. A couple years later he was in another one and now has chronic pain because of it. He’s been in physical therapy for a few months and it doesn’t seem to be doing much especially since he forgets to do a lot of the “homework” they assign him. Since the accidents he hasn’t been the same mentally, I think it started because he lost his ability to work and he’s prided himself in life by being able to provide for our family but he just doesn’t seem all there now. My mom works and since my dad can’t anymore, the financial burden fell to her while they were waiting on disability. It took years to get the disability approved but it finally came through and it was the first win for my family in a while. That was a few months ago. He also has epilepsy but that wasn’t a part of the accidents. Over the course of this time period, mentally he’s gotten a lot slower and almost seems spacey sometimes. He also has moments of pretty explosive anger that he apologizes for later and says he doesn’t know where it comes from. Last week he had a seizure and ended up 15 minutes away from the house. I live with my wife so I hear about all of this mostly through my brother and my mom who all live together but we do our best to see them when we can. None of us know what to do anymore and my mom can’t get the neurologist to call her back. I just feel so helpless and don’t know how to help my family in any way. My wife and I are moving further away soon because of a great opportunity for us and I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m abandoning my family while my dad seems to be declining everyday and all of us feel so helpless and lost.

So long story short, I’m being bullied, and I’m super shy suffering from low self esteem and lack of self confidence, I BARLEY talk in school, and one of reasons (mainly) I get bullied is because I have ASD (autism spectrum disorder) it happens everyday it won’t stop.
I never speak to anyone because I’m too afraid. I think I’m inferior to everyone, almost everyone I can’t talk to is above me. The only times I talk is when I have to ask to use the bathroom/water fountain to the teachers, My voice is so quiet they have to stop teaching, walk over to my desk and bend down to hear me and raise their hand to their ear. They’ve gotten used to it as it’s been 3 years. (3 years in my school, not 3 years being shy, I’ve been like this since I was little.) I’m almost 15 years old.
I’ve told teachers about the bullying last year, they forgot. I told this year, they didn’t do anything at all.
I’ve told my friends, of course they won’t be able to do anything. I’ve told my mom, I guess she was concerned but didn’t think too much about it.
I have 2 autistic friends, I’ve asked my friends for help with social skills. They can’t teach me, they don’t know how, even said it themselves, I asked for help to them multiple times.
For the past 8 months, I’ve been trying to improve myself, growing self confidence, self esteem, social skills and more. Trying to not be afraid, mindfulness meditation, positive thinking/self talk, psychology notes, I’ve been doing a lot. I know how to initiate a conversation keep it going and blah blah blah, but I can’t do it IRL, yk why? Because I’m scared. I’ve prayed to Allah for help, it’s working, it’s progressing, I don’t want to say it won’t work because I trust Allah.
I’ve learned tips on how to be couragous and will power. But for some reason I’m just always too scared to do it. Too scared to speak, open my mouth, speak a normal volume voice, not speak softly and like a mouse.
A good thing is that when I have to read out loud, I speak loud and proud, with no worry? The whole room could hear me when I read out loud. A lot of people tell me on Reddit is that I could practice reading out loud more to make the shyness go away, but that’s not it. I only get scared when it’s about socializing. Practicing reading out loud more won’t help me. Trust me, I’ve tried it.
Edit: I know what courage is, courage is doing something despite the fear, I’m aware of that.

Hello everyone! I am currently in the market and cross shopping a few cars… namely WRX, Civic Si, and the Forte GT. I currently own a 23’ Camaro (2.0T with the 6 speed) and am paying on it. I am getting married next year and am thinking ahead for when the kids come along, not if, but when. Cashing out on the positive equity on the Camaro and preemptively getting the dad car makes too much sense… so far the Forte GT is seeming like a very compelling offer. I drove one when they debuted and enjoyed the drive. I am curious how owners are liking them, and how are they holding up? Am I an idiot for wanting to trade my 2 door non-dad car for this? I would really appreciate any and all comments on this post and I am excited to hear from the community; I will be getting a 6 speed so this should deter the Kia Boyz.

Did I just miss the signs? Or is this a temporary problem?
I met my wife (Natalie) 8 years ago via dating app. Our courtship was pretty straightforward and I really liked that about her. We communicated well, liked doing some of the same things, and were both comfortable going out of our comfort zones with each other.
This is something I’ve always admired about her, but in recent years—or, really, since we got married—that hasn’t been reserved for me.
Our relationship was very easy to start with. We were doing small things to acknowledge each other. We paid attention to what each other wanted. We often wanted to do the same things and we left a lot of space for each other to have fun with our friends.
The sex has never been great. There were a few times where it was good, but it was mostly pedestrian or outright bad. This was the first time I’d ever experienced anything like this. But it wasn’t a big deal to me at first.
We shared very similar dreams of wanting to get married, having a family, living on the west coast (of the US), and having a life partner to share a life with.
Natalie was also an incredibly considerate girlfriend for a large chunk of our dating life. When I lost my job, she took her lunch break to buy lunch for me at my favorite sandwich spot and dropped it off at my apartment personally. Little things like this made me feel cared for. She wasn’t very good with money, but I was, and I figured we could balance a budget together.
As we got engaged, I was very happy. Sex is a part of a relationship, but it’s not the most important part, I thought. We were having sex once a month at this point. This was doable for me. I have a much higher sex drive than this, but I was happy, and my happiness was more important than sex.
Things got a little weird after we got married though. Suddenly she was much harder to please. Her wedding was her vision. I know very little about weddings, so I was fine with this, but when it came time to choose a song, she didn’t listen to me and picked out a song I didn’t like. She was stressing a lot more about the day than getting married to me. I felt like I was just a guy who could’ve been anybody.
She also began putting me down to coworkers on occasion (which I told her wasn’t ok and she … eventually … stopped). She started having a much harder time at work and when that started, she became more critical of things I did. Then she began being critical of everything. We were having sex maybe once every two months and I was doing the initiating. She began to say stuff that was kind of insulting or a huge turnoff during sex—one particular instance, I thought things were going well, but she asked 7-10 minutes in “when are you going to be done” while I was doing all the work. I tried to have a few earnest talks about it and said “my goal is for both of us to have fun and I’m willing to be more adventurous and do whatever you want to do.” This resulted in her saying “ok,” and then nothing came of it.
But we still shared our goals. We got a house together and started planning for a family.
We got pregnant on the first try.
We had our first child just before the pandemic, which turned out to be pretty damn challenging, but we worked together really well throughout all of it. We were a great team, taking care of the baby and working remotely and doing small things for each other.
We took basically a year off from sex after our first child was born, which I was totally fine with, and I wanted her to feel like she could initiate with me. I tried to make myself as available as possible to her and keep the channels of communication open. I emphasized how important it was for me that she wanted to have sex. When she was ready, she initiated, and we began trying for a second kid (this time we had sex 2 times before getting pregnant).
We had our second child in August 2022 and this is when things started going downhill. The birth was really difficult for her physically. She lost quite a bit of blood.
(Small aside, I had saved enough money for us to get a new car. Her work didn’t pay enough coverage for maternity leave so I said we can either have a new car or you can have a longer maternity leave. Although she kept arguing with me that she wanted both, she relented eventually and chose the longer maternity leave).
The first month was rough. She was unhappy the entire time. It was clear she developed post partum. I was trying to take care of both kids and her emotional needs, but it clearly wasn’t enough. I asked and then later begged her to go to therapy and she refused for several months (I’ve been in therapy for years, fwiw). We got into fights nightly, initiated by her, about things that clearly didn’t matter in the long run—fights about stacking the dishwasher, about how I wasn’t doing enough (I was taking our first born and then our second born to daycare every day, I was doing the dishes and taking out the trash regularly, I was playing with our kids all the time, i was offering to ease whatever load she felt was unbearable). She complained I was on my phone too much and not present when the kids were having independent play time. The last one was annoying, but I agreed to put my phone away more. I tried my best to keep the peace in this time. (Also, if it isn’t obvious enough, we weren’t having sex).
I began walking on eggshells. I tried to remain focused on us trying to get along. It seemed like she was trying harder to fight. There were multiple fights where I brought up an issue as gently as possible and she talked for an hour about some issue she was having with me until I apologized. When I did, she would say thank you and the fight would be over. One time, she recognized the initial thing I brought up and said sorry about that after two hours of talking in circles, but only after I apologized for something first.
I grew very tired of this but tried to keep my head up and told myself this was a temporary problem.
At some point in here, we had a fight that was so brutal, I had a panic attack. I’d never had one before in my life. It felt like all of the frustration and sadness she felt was directed at me in anger and that was the only way she could express it. I can’t tell you how devastating this was. I felt completely trapped. I felt like there was no winning in our relationship for me and that I have to put her feelings first if I want to be happy every once in a while.
Out of the blue, she went to a therapist for a session. (This was seven months after the birth of our second child.) i was relieved and thought this was the start of us getting better.
The next month was good: we were communicating well, we weren’t having sex, but we had a good family dynamic. She wasn’t blaming me for things. This I could live with
Eventually, we got into a fight. It was somewhere toward the end of the month. It wasn’t a terrible one, but it was bad. I went to my therapy session that night and talked to my therapist about how I didn’t realize we hadn’t had a fight in a month. I was strangely happy about it when I realized that. I went home to tell her how nice it was to realize she and I were getting along so well and that therapy seemed to be helping her. Then she got indignant. She said that she’s always been like this and I just haven’t noticed.
I was confused on why we were fighting all of a sudden and she dropped a pretty big bomb on me: she hadn’t been in therapy for a month. She went for one session and stopped.
I had my second ever panic attack right then and there. She said she would go back to therapy only if it was couples.
I cannot emphasize enough how “I just hadn’t noticed” wasn’t the case. I like to give her credit as much as I can. I regularly give her words of affirmation, let her know I love her, buy her flowers on bad days, etc. I’m not saying I’m a perfect partner, but I try to please her as much as I can. I’m a pretty astute observer too. It was like she was living in a different reality.
She began joking, around this time, of having a third kid. I said absolutely not. I had always wanted 3 but I wasn’t willing to go through this again. I asked her to stop joking about it because I was serious. I said things need to get better before I can even think of saying yes to that idea.
(I think maybe her mom talked to her at some point here because she joked like that in front of her mom and I said absolutely not and the joking abruptly stopped.)
The fighting continued. The different realities continued.
As our youngest turned 1, I was unsure why I was in this relationship at all. I had contemplated divorce and even brought it up because I was so tired of all the fighting. This wasn’t the relationship we had dreamed of.
Shortly after our youngest’s first birthday, we got the chance to go on a weekend trip just the two of us, no kids. We took it. It was expensive because that’s what she wanted. We did a whole spa day, at my suggestion. We had nice dinners. We had sex once on that trip. It was fine, but it felt like she wasn’t into it, which, I realized while writing this all out, is how it’s always been. Maybe she’s just never been that into me. Maybe she’s in her own world most of the time and I’m some attaché.
The fighting began cooling off the last few months. She’s still very critical and judgmental. She’s started fewer fights, however. Things were going well until earlier today.
Two weeks ago, she had a week-and-a-half long trip planned with her friends to Palm Springs. When she first asked, I said that’d be asking a lot, but I’m happy to support her if she needs it. She went on that trip and spent nearly our entire tax refund ($3000) on it.
As it stands, our youngest is almost two and our oldest is 4. They’re both wonderful children and I love them very much.
They were a bit of a handful while she was gone. Our kids tend to act out a bit when one of us goes on vacation. This was the case. As I tried to let our children know mama would be back, they struggled with regulating their emotions. She’s taken trips like this in the past and they did the same thing. Usually in those cases though, I’ll make sure I have a weekend trip lined up for me. I don’t have one planned any time soon. I’m too drained to think about it and we have no money.
Then, yesterday, on Mother’s Day, she told me she expects me to take the kids out of the house while she gets to do whatever she wants (which, that’s fair, but I was clearly sick and still recovering from the week and a half she was gone). This was after I had bought her flowers, a gift, and taken her out to dinner the night before for a date night. She spent all of Mother’s Day gardening and didn’t interact with our kids until about an hour before bedtime.
What kept me in the relationship for a long time was that, in spite of the not great sex, we were a great team and we communicated well and my other needs were met. Now it feels like we’re not even a team anymore and I’m the bag man.
I’m really struggling to figure out a few things.

1. What the hell happened?
2. I understand there may be some identity issues—about being a mother and wanting it or not wanting it—as well as just being overwhelmed. But why wasn’t that the case after our first child?
3. Not having sex has stunk and would’ve at least helped in this awful time. Why does she not want to have sex with me?
4. What am I doing in this relationship still?

Does anyone have any idea what’s going on?
TLDR: my wife and I have always gotten along personality-wise (and not sex-wise), but since the birth of our second child 2 years ago, her personality has become a lot more self-interested and ive maybe become too accommodating. Has it always been like this? I’m struggling to understand why I’m in this relationship now.

Hey lovely people,
Just hoping for some support about an enabling MIL. If you check out one of my earlier posts (not on this subreddit), it’ll give you a good grasp on who I’m dealing with. While BF has his issues, MIL’s influence worsens everything tenfold and then also creates her own set of issues.
MIL is a straight-up enabler. She has no other family (in the country), for a while, I thought she was just a mom spoiling her only son. Wrong.
MIL is aware that her son drinks way too much. I’ve talked to her about things and she constantly excuses his behaviour, and even tries to give me tips on how to communicate with him. She enables him SO much. She loves to invite him over for drinks and just surprise us with beers… How kind. I come home from work today for her to tell me she bought him a pack of beers. Thanks MIL.
BF is a functioning alcoholic, drinking about 30 drinks a week. BF thinks this is normal and because he doesn’t get incapacitated/drunk, it’s not a problem (denial). BF doesn’t realize that he becomes quite a bit more argumentative after even 2 beers. The more beers, the more nonsensical he becomes. He will be short-tempered about the oddest things (go 180 and then chill out again).
MIL loves to solve his problems.
I’m more than halfway out the door at this point. Before MIL moved basically next door, BF actually wasn’t drinking and I don’t think we really had many issues. Of course, no one actually sees how much the alcohol and problems are correlated except myself. MIL will agree he drinks too much and then go buy him beer… Like hello?
Just wanted to rant :) Thank you if you read, and sorry if you can relate Lol!

Decant Reviews Part II: The Revenge! This batch came to me from the most excellent u/Hype_Moments, who thoughtfully reached out to me to inform me of his services after I expressed dismay at my inability to obtain samples directly from Montagne. The decants arrived promptly and packaged securely enough to withstand a nuclear blast! I also appreciate the attention to detail when it comes to labeling: matching Montagne's font and including the notes makes the sampling process feel very deluxe. Great experience, would order again!
On to the fragrances. Unless stated otherwise, I have not smelled the inspiration fragrances, so I am judging these on their own merit. For your reference, I typically prefer unisex fragrances, but I decided to roll the dice and included three feminine scents this time. I'm 29, and I work in both office and classroom environments. Let's get into it!
Eau Vanille: This one is not for everyone, but it's definitely for me. The rich, deep vanilla combined with the guiac wood and incense smells like going to mass at a grand Cathedral. Sophisticated, solemn, mysterious. I imagine that Notre Dame smells like this on Good Friday. Honestly, it kind of reminds me of my confirmation. I swear, the oil the bishop puts on your (greasy, 13-year-old) forehead smells a lot like this. That said, I love this because it reminds me of a positive moment in my faith formation, but it may evoke complex or negative reactions in others. The incense calms down after a couple of hours, which allows the vanilla to shine. Definitely not too sweet, and reads straightforwardly unisex to me. If you're a vanilla-lover looking for something a bit different with some oomph, this could be for you. Maybe not the best choice for the heat of summer, but I will be looking to purchase the full bottle come autumn. Would wear to my arch-rival's funeral.
Strawberry Milk: The wildcard of the bunch. I did not think I was going to like this because I thought it was going to be extremely juvenile and sickly sweet. I ordered it out of pure curiosity after hearing about the ungodly sums folks were shelling out to get their hands on a bottle. While it's definitely a sweet gourmand, it's not syrupy sweet. It's kind of fruity and powdery and just a bit herbal. There's something in here that comes off a little minty to my nose, which is baffling considering the notes. I'm not getting anything particularly strawberry-like, though. Maybe a hint of something lactonic, like malted milk powder, and a burnt-sugar note that could be caramel. Very wearable if you like sweet scents. Not obtrusive, kind of like if you gave a your-skin-but-better scent some moxie. Certainly not your typical celebrity scent. I could see a lot of women liking this. The longevity wasn't the best on this one, though: I think I got about four hours out of it. I'm not personally in love with it, but I'm glad I tried it.
Pink Rose Exclusif: Good Lord, y'all. This THE hot girl perfume. The most attractive woman you can think of probably wears this. It's a really beautiful, sweet, creamy, powdery rose wrapped in a veil of incense and supported by vanilla and woody notes in the base. There's some fruitiness in there too, particularly in the opening. Despite the powderiness and incense, it's quite edible smelling; like a fruity sponge cake that's also drenched in rose syrup, served immediately after the Confirmation service (callback!). I recognize this scent because I have encountered it in the wild on women wearing Delina Exclusif or its dupes, and it definitely... affects me, shall we say. This will turn heads for sure. It also lasts forever with excellent projection. I put on 3 sprays, wore it all day, went to sleep, and then my pillow and sheets smelled like Pink Rose Exclusif for DAYS, just from coming into contact with my arm. You absolutely do not need much of this. As much as I love it, I'm on the fence about whether to buy it, because I'm not sure how often I would actually wear it. It's a little more femme than my personal style usually calls for, imo. Plus, I'm not sure I want all the attention this would garner. That said, it's a 10/10 frag, I'd go for it today if I were single and ready to mingle. UPDATE: After writing this review, I got the opportunity to test the OG in-store, and I can confirm that this is a 1 to 1 dupe. I don't detect any difference whatsoever. Nice work, Montagne!
Pink Rose: This one humbled me. I had already tried the Exclusif version, and figured this was the more wearable, daytime version. I did my normal application (1 spray each on wrists & inner elbows, 2 sprays on the neck, 1 on the front of my shirt) and then headed to the office. When my coworker told me I smelled good from 6 feet away, I knew I had overdone it. I was smelling this all day long, from the 8:30 AM application until bed time. And not just little whiffs here and there, I'm talking constant presence in my olfactory organ. A little distracting, if I'm honest. Luckily, it's a beautiful fragrance. Florals are hit or miss for me, but I have a soft spot for rose. Whereas the Exclusif smells like rose dessert, this smells like a living rose growing fresh and vibrant in the garden. The litchi and rhubarb bring in a little sharpness, and there's a green accord in there that's really refreshing. This is rose done in a modern, interesting way, and I dig it. Feminine, but in a way that feels manageable for my typical presentation. Despite my initial blunder, I do think it's more every-day wearable than its sister as long as you are conservative with your application. Will buy for sure, and probably sooner rather than later.
Carnal Gray Extrait: In a word: exquisite. This smells like being wealthy, well-traveled, and the hottest person at the function. Charisma in a bottle. Effortlessly sexy without being provocative. It's well blended, but not linear. We start with a spicy, herbaceous opening; you get the cardamom right away, with some sweet green undertones. Then, a beautiful dry down. It becomes more powdery with a bit sweetness thanks to iris, tonka, and vanilla. The woodiness from cedar and sandalwood and earthiness from vetiver and patchouli keep it from going gourmand, and the result is something deep, dark, and complex. Perfect for special occasions where you want to dress to impress, this would be the ultimate companion to a well-tailored suit or a fancy cocktail dress. Apparently folks are somewhat divided on whether Gris Charnel Extrait leans feminine or masculine, but to me, CGE is perfectly unisex. Great performance; three sprays lasts me all day with moderate projection. This is my favorite fragrance from Montagne so far, and in the running for my favorite fragrance of all time. It's probably not the best choice for the hot, humid summer that's coming my way, but I don't even care, this is going to the top of the queue. 12/10, I am writing in my will that I want this sprayed on me before I go in the casket.
Brooklyn Jazz: At last, a fragrance that I can compare to its inspiration! I have smelled and fallen in love with Maison Margiela's Jazz Club, and was super excited to see how the wallet-friendly version from Montagne stacks up. Indeed, it's a very close match. We have a nice peppery opening that gives way to boozy, rum tobacco heaven. It's not in the notes, but this definitely comes off leathery to my nose. It smells like sitting in a leather armchair, sipping on dark liquor, and smoking... some kind of tobacco product. I want to say a pipe rather than a cigar, but neither is my vice of choice, so I can't be sure. Either way, old school badass. Think Ron Swanson in Duke Silver mode. If anything, there is perhaps more of an herbal accord here that I didn't notice in Jazz Club, but that could be due to the translation from EDT to EDP. Masculine leaning, but still suitable for ladies who appreciate smokey scents. Altogether, a lovely warm and cozy scent. Decent longevity, but the projection could be better (maybe needs maceration). I do like it, but I'm more motivated to get my hands on Carnal Gray Extrait and Eau Vanille, both of which are certainly different, but occupy a similar region of the fragrance family tree. I may pick it up after I make it through the summer.
Thanks for reading my reviews! And special thank-yous to both u/Hype-Moments and u/AyybrahamLmaocoln for supplying this community with decants and saving us from the anxiety of blind-buying. Let me know if you have any recommendations for my next decant order, particularly more masculine scents that are good for summer; I want my collection to have a little of everything. What do y'all think of Afternoon Dive and Torino 2021? That's all, over and out.

just started my flight attendant career. I might just jump right into my thoughts without explaining much. (bc I am not providing full context, pls no advice or judgement) (I might sound like a terrible person but i’m just releasing my raw thoughts in a selfish sounding way I guess.) (but pls let me be cuz this is offmychest not proofthatiamareallygoodperson)
I basically signed an 11 month lease with classmates from training and wonder if that was the best decision. there are pros sure. but the one girl I just feel like it’s awkward cuz lowkey idk. I feel like it’s not fair to her. and I say this bc I feel like she wants more out of our “friendship” than I do? we have some in common, but also there’s things about her that really irritate me.
I also just feel like we are fundamentally different people and I don’t really want to get much closer to her. she has negative habits that I don’t relate to and I don’t wanna pretend that I do. plus she’s kinda ignorantly selfish and it’s exhausting. but I can’t be mad at her bc she’s just unaware but I don’t feel like dealing with it.
plus there’s this girl I met at my original interview (6 months ago). she delayed training for an injury, she’s about two months behind me, but I feel like we have much more in common in a positive way.
and I can’t explain but i’m like why did the universe do that. I feel like me and this girl, we’ll call her C, would’ve been perfect roommates. we both are more bubbly and adventurous and girly and like to do things to stay in shape if that makes sense.
she just texted me and asked how the housing search went for me as she’s about to start training. and all I can think is I wish we were roommates. instead of these two girls i’m with rn.
now C honestly might try to be based somewhere else. i’m also honestly questioning my base. I just feel so stupid for signing an 11 month lease when there was an option for 3 months. I just also figured the rent might go up and i’d feel bad doing that. plus I didn’t think i’d want to stress myself looking for new housing while still on probation (which is 6 months).
i just didn’t wanna hold off for something better just to end up with something worse. but now that i’ve made the safe choice and locked myself in it for 11 months, Im seeing how other options might’ve been better.
I sometimes even wonder if miami would be better for me, or philly, or chicago. but I feel so stupid for signing an 11 month lease cuz ill have to wait 11 months to find out. all bc Im scared to make decisions on my own and latched to the 11 month lease with girls who already set up apartment tours.
idk. but it was pretty solid too and I feel like I have a tendency to find the grass greener. but I was also like this in high school and ended up making the best friends cuz I was always striving for better fit. I just feel like it’s harder to do that in adulthood when contracts and money and leases are involved.
I guess I feel like a better approach might be to take down the standards of how I see my roommates. I really tried to not let on that I am expecting a “best friends for life” relationship. like we get along, especially about job stuff, but idk i don’t need much beyond that. and that’s good cuz then I can take down my expectations of my roommates. I am just saving on rent by living with them, plus we are all new hires so we can support each other on a basic level as we navigate this new job.
so with that obvi I think I might just stay open obvi to friendships in this base that could come up. for example, i’d love if that girl C from my interview got based here. i’d love even more if she moved into or near my apartment complex.
also i’ve only had 1 trip so far. the youngest person on my crew was 6 years older than me. she wasn’t really my vibe but that was literally just 1 person out of the thousands who are based here and near my age.
I have so many trips ahead of me. I can take note of how I feel now but I can’t be making judgements so soon. I definitely should do like 10-15 more trips with crews at this base before I judge how much I like the social situation here.
cuz in a positive case scenario I could meet people I like who are at this base and stay in touch with them. try to see them if we have the same days off, try to work the same trips as them, etc.
and if I don’t I at least gave it a chance and did my best and can make a more informed decision from there.
6 months in once i’m off probation, i’ll only have 5 months left on my lease. and apparently time flies. I can start considering other options. and I will know how I feel better. if I really dislike it more than I like it then, I can even consider subleasing my apartment room and getting tf outta there asap. i’ll check in with myself next month, 2 months in, especially 3 months in.
cuz rn I have enough info to know I have certain doubts, but not enough to make a full judgement. i’ve only had less than a week on this job, 1 crew. so much can change. plus as I make more connections and get more comfortable, this place might start to surprisingly feel like home. but if it doesn’t THATS OKAY, I can make decisions for my future based on that.
I also do think a lot of how something is is what you make of it. so I guess I can’t even make a full judgement till I start trying to make the best of this. but also staying open to seeing limitations.
idk. i’m all over the place. i’m gonna post this to get it out of my brain and released off my shoulders. and see how I feel from here.

Yet another long noob career advice post, sorry in advance. Any help is graciously appreciated.
Context
I got my undergrad degree last year with a double-major in history and computer science. I’m now working full-time as a software engineer and it’s a pretty good gig, but I don’t think it’s the right career for me in the long run. I really miss using the critical thinking, investigative, and storytelling skills I used for the history part of my degree.
I think my ideal fit would be some flavor of using technology to do journalism and/or doing journalism about technology, as a way to blend both skill sets I’ve developed. I just need to figure out how to start bending my career path in that direction.
Deeper background (skip if desired)
I only started thinking about this path during my senior year so didn’t have time to develop a portfolio for the school newspaper or anything like that. I did publish one op-ed in the school paper junior year that had some bearing on this technical beat, but I also recognize the difference between opinion and journalism, so I’m not sure how much that’s worth.
For my senior thesis I wrote about the history of the commodification of personal data (basically a deeper look at how we developed an economy where your information is worth money to Facebook, Google, etc) which gets at that space of covering technology and society. I’m really proud of it and it got summa cum laude honors, but it’s not published anywhere.
I also got another history paper published in an undergrad history journal which isn’t super relevant but hopefully at least shows that I can write and go through an editing process.
It seems like the value journalism grad school is fairly divisive. That’s an option I’m considering for a couple years down the road, but would also appreciate any advice relevant to my situation that would help set me up for success there (both in admissions and then actually getting it done).
The ask
The advice I’ve seen very often on here is to build up clips, which makes sense. But how do I start that from zero? I don’t imagine I’ll have much luck pitching freelance stories without some portfolio to back them up, so it feels rather chicken-and-egg. I could start a blog or something like that, but it again feels like it might be tough to get sources to take me seriously without a real “name” backing me. Any advice or insight here?
Then there’s also the fact that with no journalism training I don’t really know what I’m doing, and I’m concerned that putting out bad work, even unintentionally, will put me in an even worse situation than having no work. How can I mitigate this concern?
Lastly, I’m also concerned about my pace of output. With my actual job and other commitments, I don’t think I’ll be able to put out more than one piece a month, if even that. These would hopefully be more substantial articles rather than short-form breaking news sort of stuff. How much would slow/sporadic output matter if I’m doing this as a side project?
Thanks in advance for any help you can offer!

Hello to my favorite sub!
Some backstory, my players got to Vallaki. They took interest in Rictavio and followed him around with some good stealth rolls and perception in a crowd.
I played out the Curse of Strahd: Reloaded scenarios, so the players noticed him change appearance and sneak to the wagon that had Arabella.
Half the party rescued Arabella and the other half followed him back and confronted him and stole his hat, revealing his identity.
In a panic, I had Van Richten reveal who he was and offered to take the players to his tower. (I didn’t really look into the tower besides know it was his hideout)
The players stop by the church to drop Ireena off but immediately felt they couldn’t trust anyone there (I really don’t know why ahaha) so they also kept Ireena with them
Well, one player got up to the top of the tower with Van Richten (and that is when I realized there isn’t much up there) (I know there’s an anti magic field so this is the best place to speak without a risk of Strahd spying with magic)
And the rest of the party gathered around the wagon with Ireena and triggered the explosion. Killing one player who accepted a dark power favor to resurrect and Ireena dying.
I also had Esmeralda show up right at the end of the session
(TLDR) Van Richten cover blown, he took players to his tower. Ireena blew up and I didn’t plan ahead and there was nothing there at the tower of interest
SO, my question. How do I continue the story from here? Some ideas
Van Richten realizes his stuff has been stolen by someone (Esmeralda)
He can recommend the players go to Krezt since he heard mention of someone who can bring the dead to life
Im not too sure what to do with the Esmeralda interaction either.
I also know there’s a higher chance the players don’t go back to the church to resolve the bones situation so the festival is going to be fun

A quick summary of western societys optimism peak and decline:
After the cold war ended in 1990 western society was extremely optimistic. They had believed that their culture was close to perfection, and that democracy and western values lead to the perfect life. This narrative culminated with a famous book by Francis Fukuyama called "the end of history and the last man". This book was based on the idea that western society has discovered the best way of life, and this is the end-point of mankind's ideological evolution, and the universalization of Western liberal democracy is the final form of human government. Interestingly the same author wrote in 2022 "Liberalism in its discontents" (30 years between both books).

• This optimism of western society would continue through the 90s until 9/11. 9/11 certainly hurt the optimism, but it was a mere bump in the road because it only lead western people into believing that their society was all the more superior to these competing ideologies.
• Then after the 2008 recession economic optimism had disintigrated as the housing market reached levels that are still hurting us 16 years later. Economic optimism recovered to a certain extent, but it would never again reach the peaks prior to 2008.
• The early 2010s found a way to rekindle that optimism through the appreciation of the advancement of technology . Technology from 2008-2014 had developed at such a high rate. Eventually around 2016 western society began to revolve a little too much around the internet and technology as social media over took politics, dating and every day social activities.
• Trump and Obamas presidency created a clear divide between 2 groups in the united states. The cultural traditionalists and the cultural noveltists. Culture was changing too fast for some Americans which lead to the popularity of Trump as Obama legalized gay marriage, promoted womens rights and further promoted the idea that other races were equal to whites.
• The covid epidemic was the nail in the coffin. After covid western optimism lost something that it may never ever recover.
• Just as covid is ending, AI is on the rise, and this has lead to a further disintegration of optimism. How can somebody be optimistic about humanitys future when a computer provides more value than a human?
• For me the last one is enviromental crisis, but we still havent seen anything extreme yet out of the climate crisis.

I think the optimistic thing for me personally will be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that we as humans are all connected in some psychic way through our souls. I believe that we are also connected to something beyond us that is pure and good.

I guess the answer to this is, they can. Sometimes.
Sometimes a whole new version full of love, sometimes someone completely new.
My ex and I broke up last summer. Her and I worked together and I was “forced” to see her at least 3 times a week. At first I tried to avoid her. But I couldn’t ignore the feeling I felt everytime I anticipated seeing her, or even actually seeing her. Everytime we locked eyes I was reminded, this was the woman I spent everyday with. The woman I walked into work with, and even if the day was bad, she was the woman I left home with. At some point we were avoiding eachother, maybe cause I had spent nights begging for her and couldn’t bare to face the woman I was vulnerable with. From her perspective I’d like to think she couldn’t stand looking at the person whom she hurt. One day at the time stamp, her and I would go in at the same time, the silence was loud. I couldn’t help but to break it and asked, how have you been? She looked shocked that I broke the silence and she quickly said fine. The way her voice cracked, I knew something was wrong but it wasn’t my place anymore to ask.
(Our work place is big the likely hood of us bumping in together was slim to none)
That same night she would find me wandering around and said “man I can’t wait to go home” I smiled at her, and said “yeah tell me about it.” She would carry conversation with me and end up telling me she has been hooking up with someone else. That hurt like hell, it had only been a few weeks to a month since we broke up, and in that time I didn’t have the heart to find anyone else. I couldn’t let it show that it bothered me and instead said “wow, good for you.” I then acted like a costumer was waiting for me to come back and walked away.
Later that night, she rushed to get her things ready to go, I assume it’s because I usually have me stuff ready to go. As I’m walking I hear her calling for me, I turn back and as expected it was her. She said “hey, I forgive you by the way.” With so much confusion on my face I ask her “what do you mean?” She says “I’ve been going to therapy, and they told me how I feel about you is no longer my problem.” Again confused I just laugh and walk away.
A week later she would come up to me again, and before she could say anything I told her “please, if it’s not work related, don’t talk to me” She looked at me angry and confused but I left before she could say anything. I ended up going home early that day (it was a slow day) but the next day I’d hear from coworkers that she also left in tears.
I felt bad. I didn’t want to be the reason she was hurting but I didn’t know how else to ask for respected boundaries. I’d end up texting her on a day off apologizing and explaining. She then asked if we could talk… we did and after crying in each others arms and apologizing, a week later we would be back together.
She said this time will be different “I love you, I never want to leave you again” hmm. Short lived that statement was cause 4 months later, she would leave again.
It’s now been 6 months. Sometimes as you can tell from my posts, it doesn’t hurt. Other times I can’t help but think of her. I reach out when I can’t shake the feeling, just to be ghosted. To be reminded that it’s really over.
So do exs comeback? How bout asking your self if it’s worth going through how you’re feeling now all over again?

This website is trying really hard to annoy it's users.
First it refuses to display the prices of vehicles, unless I sign in, which is actually against the law for advertising a vehicle in Australia. When I call them up, they immediately tell me to stop using an VPN. That's great if I was using one.. then they ask me to provide my IP address and they will "unblock me" how does this even work with dynamic IP addresses? I have no idea. This all has been reported to the ombudsman, but unfortunately I have not received a response in over 3 weeks. Surface to say, the government doesn't care, and only priority is self regulation for businesses which obviously does not work.
Now they decide to continually show me the cookie warning pop up every time I view the page or navigate to a new page on the website. They also like to do a 'are you human check' I am almost certain this does not happen with Chrome. WHIC AGAIN every business seem to TELL ME it's the only web browser that works or I should be using.
Xjsbdn
Why can't add block stop this! I don't care about cookies! Well I do, but I care for my insanity over a few privacy concerns. I HATE POP UPS AND WEBSITE OVERLAYS they RUIN the internet.
P.s Why can't Firefox provide a way to spoof the user agent so websites 'think' I am using Chrome.. and even better why can't Firefox provide a way to 'fake' the browser finger prints so a website does not know what operating system I use, or just use a generic one and screen size etc.. obviously this might brake some website, but an easy toggle on/off would be fine. Website get way to much information from their user. Information they most certainly do not strictly need.
Thanks for any input.

Hear me out. Let me have the soapbox for just a few minutes.
I‘ve just penned a post about how a specific subset of men refuse to listen to or take women seriously. The comments just proved what I was saying. This is a highly-recorded and well-documented phenomenon. sources will be provided at the bottom of the post. I know this happens to men on other subs. It sucks. But this isn’t what the topic of discussion is today. Anyway, I was complaint about how my little brother and father are completely disrespectful and dismissive towards my mom, taking her pain as some sort of joke. I posted about one example out of many that happen daily: “My little brother did this to my mother on mother’s day. My father saw him opening cards with his teeth. he thought it was gross and told him to stop. He did so immediately.
A few minutes later, he started using his hands to get ice out of my motherl’s ice machine. My mother is neurodivergent and sensitive to certain things, so she was visibly distressed and told him to stop. He didn’t listen to her. He did it three more times and wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t until the rest of my family joined in that he would actually do something.“
The comments were on fire. Save for a few that actually got me, people acted in a way that was a little demoralizing. I see this nigh daily on Reddit. It’s not even remotely new. Over many years across multiple different accounts, this phenomenon has only gotten worse. It’s happened towards both men and women. However, today’s discussion is focusing on women, so please don’t derail.
the first comment I got was disrespectful and immediately brought up men, isninuating that what I was talking about wasn't at all valid. As if I can’t take two seconds to talk about women’s issues without someone bringing up men. Another comment‘s first instinct was to inquire whether my mom was abusive. Yeah, when my mother gets disrespected, it’s HER fault. Even if she brings it up constantly and everyone ignores her, she’s the problem guys! It’s her! Why is it these people’s first thought to pin it on the person being disadvantaged? Just accept that some people suffer in some ways in society.
for example, men don’t have very many support systems. That needs to change, obviously. It brings about a lot of unneeded pain for men young and old and contributes to heaps and heaps of silent frustration. Simultaneously, women aren’t respected or taken seriously in many contexts by men, disproportionately. Women can have a voice, they can speak up, but no one listens. Again, this is pretty well documented and is corroborated in the sources I provided below. I’m not just pulling this out of my ass.
or it’s just because how my father was raised! Maybe my father was raised in a tough environment and doesn't know better after his nigh 50 years of life! Accountability, am I right? Throw it out the window.… Despite the fact that it was my mother came from a much, much worse upbringing, and she’s among the kindest people I know. Apparently, it’s her job to teach a grown ass man to respect her. My father is a very capable and intelligent human being. It’s an insult to him to insinuate that he somehow doesn’t have the autonomy or capability to check his behavior. He does. he’s a good person, too. It’s just sometimes he can be highly disrespectful towards my mother. That’s all.
Another comment cared to “point out” that apparently, I’m the problem. My entire comment history is supposedly complaining about men. Apparently people who bring up inequalities faced by women has to be a woman, too… and a man-hating one, at that.
yeah. Everyone is the problem, excluding those who constitute the ostensible issue. Blame it on other people.
In sum, the vast majority of the comments sought to justify the behavior immediately, blame it on my mother, or insinuate I was the issue. Only one or two people had their head on their shoulders in my comment section.
The Authority Gap is a good book on the topic regarding getting taken seriously. Here is a an article that summarizes it: https://time.com/6163490/authority-gap-between-men-and-women-hurts-us-all/
papers on the topic:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1526590021000353
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30907615/ https://idp.nature.com/transit?redirect_uri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nature.com%2Farticles%2Fs41537-020-0102-z&code=2dbfb70b-8238-49c4-961d-33edcace7867

I had initially searched "being ditched after kids" and all that comes up is how after birth the birth giver lost friends and woe is them.
What about those of us who don't have children and how many friends I've lost from having kids even though I'm not the one having them?
Maybe I'm fresh from Mother's Day posts, one of which I saw that said "There is nothing as important or as meaningful as becoming a mother" Are you fucking kidding me rn fr . How sad that your purpose in life equates to how many times you reproduce, sorry to this man.
I'm in my early 30s, not a ton of my friends have had kids yet, I'm ambiguous leaning towards child free, but last year one of my very best friends gave birth and I was so excited. I love that baby, I couldn't wait to watch them grow and help my friend through it all. Flash forward 7 months I've met her baby twice, one of which I don't count because she came to see me so I could give something to her. And I truly feel I tried to be a supportive friend in the ways I knew how to best.
And I will never do that again.
I don't even think it's a bad apples/whole bunch situation because just as I've gotten older and been on the receiving end of the invasive inappropriate questions about having kids, I've paid closer attention to those around me as expecting parents, active parents now new parents and I don't want any of that. You didn't reinvent the wheel because you shot a kid out. And witnessing the other side of that, because I don't have kids and am not completely self involved, I have now acquired friendships of people whose children are growing up and need them less. Not any of those that I know in that situation have been able to retain their friendships through those first 5-7 years of having children. They have to start all over. But here you sit in the throes of judgmental bliss playing hunky dory thinking this is all that matters forever and ever, until it doesn't so much. And that will hurt the same way seeing an insta post about "purpose" and "meaning" hurts to someone struggling with infertility. And it will hurt the same way I was hurt when I was dismissed so suddenly and swiftly because you obtained something better.
In the meantime, you don't get to treat me as less or insinuate my time, effort, friendship isn't as valuable anymore because your life has changed so drastically, for better or worse. And then completely dismiss me because I "wouldn't understand what it's like to be a mother". How utterly unhelpful for everyone involved besides yourself because you feel righteous. What I do understand is that when your children grow, need you less and you realize you're a person again you are going to have to start from scratch looking for friends like the people who would have died for you and the wheel you invented.

There is a lot of context needed in this situation so please bare with me. Lately, I (25F) haven’t heard much from a friend who’s been in my life since college, so 7 ish years. We’ll call her B (25F). On our last year of college I got into a very toxic relationship where he wouldn’t let me see friends, go out, etc. if he wasn’t there too. This put a strain on all of my relationships, family included, besides my friendship with B. She was consistently supportive of me and was able to stay my close friend while sharing her grievances, which I made very hard for those around me because when you’re in that kind of relationship, your blind. She ended up moving out of our college town into my hometown after graduation. I wasn’t able to get out of the relationship and move back to my hometown until about a year later. I come to find out that B had been struggling in my hometown and had a hard time making friends or being happy. I was able to move into an awesome apartment with another friend who was actually the one to give me the courage to leave him. This was very exciting to me because I was able to introduce B to the lot of my friends from home that I adore. After that, me and B were both single and drinking a lot, sleeping around somewhat, and staying out late. B meets this guy named A who she fell for instantly. He didn’t want to be serious with her but they hung out constantly. She spent almost every night with him and despite him telling her that he only liked her as a friend and F-buddy, she was in love with him. She would drunk call/text every weekend, and started getting black out drunk a lot. When they broke up things got much worse. She would call me that she lost her car, didn’t remember getting home, even peed on her neighbors door and almost got kicked out of her apartment building for it. She had even threatened to kill herself once or twice. This has taken a severe toll on our friendship. These instances I always dropped everything to help her. I have become exhausted over the years and simply fed up. Fast forward a year and a half or so, two years after my last relationship, the one that was very toxic. I’d since become fed up with the antics so I started going home early when we hung out, distancing myself etc. every so often she’d “sober up” after a mental breakdown, somewhat get back on track, and then black out drunk again waking up at a random guys house. I recently met my now boyfriend about 4 months ago (28M) at my job. This guy really swept me off my feet. We will refer to him as X. It started off very casual but I was clearly very taken. B told me almost immediately after I told her it was getting serious between me and X that a girl she works with used to date X and that he ghosted her after telling her he loved her and that he’d buy her a house, all this really bad stuff. This rubbed me very odd because he seemed very sure about what he wanted out of a relationship and I felt we were on the same page about almost everything. I decided in the end not to bring it up to him, because I didn’t think the mistakes of anyone’s past dating history should affect the present, especially because he didn’t show me any red flags. He eventually shared it with me anyway and that he felt awful about how he acted in past relationships and how he has grown since then. I’d come to find out that this relationship B had told me about was over 4 years ago. She also constantly told me to “be careful” and to “keep a guard up” things like that because she swore he wasn’t a good guy and not the one for me. Note that she, at that point, had never met him and not once told me she was happy for me or seemed excited etc. This is all in the middle of severe mood swings, binge drinking and mental health episodes. She even almost didn’t come to my birthday dinner because she was too hungover and sad, and tried to make the night all about her and was a Debby downer the rest of the evening. B told me that another new work friend of hers that went to high school with X said he was an asshole in high school too, and that I should really rethink this entire thing. My roommate N also went to high school with X and explained to me that B’s work friend was a little off putting growing up, didn’t have many friends and since they went to a very large school, they didn’t even know each other. This was also very odd to me. I told B that these random bits about X’s past are not appreciated and did not affect how I felt about him. After all this I really started distancing myself from B. We hung out here and there, during the day mostly to avoid having to deal with her drinking. She’d come into my work with her new work friends to start their nights off before getting black out with them, buying bags of cocaine even, etc. This past episode was my final straw. She went back to her hometown to visit family and texted me something very cryptic. It was “we need to talk. It’s very important and will have to wait until I get back from my trip, which is in 4 days.” I felt like I maybe did something wrong, and I was concerned so I told her how I felt and she did not respond. After some time I texted again saying that I’m stressed and asked her to explain. She ignored that completely and instead texted to tell me she’s having another mental breakdown and was at the clinic. I told her I am there for her if she needs to talk and what not. She gets back home and we hang out twice and she did not bring up our “little talk”. I finally bit the bullet and confronted her and asked what it was about and she told me “not to worry about it”. I sent her a lengthy text telling her that I am needing to put up boundaries because I found what she did manipulative. I didn’t say the world manipulative explicitly because in the past when she’s been confronted, she shuts down completely and will block you out for weeks on end until you apologize. She ended up apologizing for that and didn’t mean to trigger me, since my toxic ex used to say things like “we need to talk. But it’ll wait til we’re at home” and then I’d freak out until he got home and it would be something stupid, he just wanted me to be stressed out for a while. After this I stopped reaching out. I saw her while I was out with X and friends of his, and we talked for a bit before me and X went home for the night. The next day she texted me “are we still doing something later or na?” And I didn’t recall making any plans so I said so. She just liked the message and I haven’t heard from her since, really. She’s had a really hard time in her life. She lost her mother during her teenage years and I know Mother’s Day is a very hard day for her. I really care about B, but her behavior lately is making me not want to be around her at all. I sent her that I was thinking about her and her mom on Mother’s Day and did not hear back(even though she texted my mom for Mother’s Day). Then I started seeing online that she’s liking posts with the topic “I hate that one friend who drops everyone when they get into a relationship, it’s the most disgusting type of friend”. Multiple posts like that, and I know they’re about me. It made me feel really guilty for not hanging out with B anymore. I ask my other friends if the amount I see X bothers them, and the answer is always no. That I should be able to see my significant other who I’m falling in love with as much as we’d both like to. It’s not like it was with my toxic ex at all. It just seems to me like B is thinking it’s going to be the same way as it was. She’s fully ignoring me now, and even though I’m not reaching out either, I still feel like the asshole. AITA?

My husband cheated on me with a coworker. He lied for most of the years we were together about various insidious and disturbing things that left me feeling broken and having to rebuild trust from nothing. My father bought and restored a beautiful home and gave it to us for $1. My husband threw everything away to cheat on me with his coworker. I have to sell the home my dad built me and split it with my husband. It is gorgeous and I love it but (my dad also agrees with my decision) I can’t take care of alone right now and the memories attached have permanently ruined it for me.
I gave my husband everything and he didn’t really do much for me. I know deep down I have been emotionally abused from day one. All of these things seem to make it harder. I relied on him financially and emotionally, so I feel like I have to completely start over in every way. I am lucky I have my parent's support but sometimes I wonder if I will ever find myself again or meet someone who treats me right.
I am going to take a year to work on myself and I have been in counseling since this happened. I have never dated anyone before my husband and I don’t really know where to go from here. I live in a small town and feel a bit isolated. Is it weird that I feel so lost that I don’t even know what I am looking for in writing this? What’s next? How to I know what to do? How will I know what’s right? I am 33 I feel like should just know but the sadness from all of this has me in a deep fog and I can’t see past it to find hope.

There is a lot of context needed in this situation so please bare with me. Lately, I (25F) haven’t heard much from a friend who’s been in my life since college, so 7 ish years. We’ll call her B (25F). On our last year of college I got into a very toxic relationship where he wouldn’t let me see friends, go out, etc. if he wasn’t there too. This put a strain on all of my relationships, family included, besides my friendship with B. She was consistently supportive of me and was able to stay my close friend while sharing her grievances, which I made very hard for those around me because when you’re in that kind of relationship, your blind. She ended up moving out of our college town into my hometown after graduation. I wasn’t able to get out of the relationship and move back to my hometown until about a year later. I come to find out that B had been struggling in my hometown and had a hard time making friends or being happy. I was able to move into an awesome apartment with another friend who was actually the one to give me the courage to leave him. This was very exciting to me because I was able to introduce B to the lot of my friends from home that I adore. After that, me and B were both single and drinking a lot, sleeping around somewhat, and staying out late. B meets this guy named A who she fell for instantly. He didn’t want to be serious with her but they hung out constantly. She spent almost every night with him and despite him telling her that he only liked her as a friend and F-buddy, she was in love with him. She would drunk call/text every weekend, and started getting black out drunk a lot. When they broke up things got much worse. She would call me that she lost her car, didn’t remember getting home, even peed on her neighbors door and almost got kicked out of her apartment building for it. She had even threatened to kill herself once or twice. This has taken a severe toll on our friendship. These instances I always dropped everything to help her. I have become exhausted over the years and simply fed up. Fast forward a year and a half or so, two years after my last relationship, the one that was very toxic. I’d since become fed up with the antics so I started going home early when we hung out, distancing myself etc. every so often she’d “sober up” after a mental breakdown, somewhat get back on track, and then black out drunk again waking up at a random guys house. I recently met my now boyfriend about 4 months ago (28M) at my job. This guy really swept me off my feet. We will refer to him as X. It started off very casual but I was clearly very taken. B told me almost immediately after I told her it was getting serious between me and X that a girl she works with used to date X and that he ghosted her after telling her he loved her and that he’d buy her a house, all this really bad stuff. This rubbed me very odd because he seemed very sure about what he wanted out of a relationship and I felt we were on the same page about almost everything. I decided in the end not to bring it up to him, because I didn’t think the mistakes of anyone’s past dating history should affect the present, especially because he didn’t show me any red flags. He eventually shared it with me anyway and that he felt awful about how he acted in past relationships and how he has grown since then. I’d come to find out that this relationship B had told me about was over 4 years ago. She also constantly told me to “be careful” and to “keep a guard up” things like that because she swore he wasn’t a good guy and not the one for me. Note that she, at that point, had never met him and not once told me she was happy for me or seemed excited etc. This is all in the middle of severe mood swings, binge drinking and mental health episodes. She even almost didn’t come to my birthday dinner because she was too hungover and sad, and tried to make the night all about her and was a Debby downer the rest of the evening. B told me that another new work friend of hers that went to high school with X said he was an asshole in high school too, and that I should really rethink this entire thing. My roommate N also went to high school with X and explained to me that B’s work friend was a little off putting growing up, didn’t have many friends and since they went to a very large school, they didn’t even know each other. This was also very odd to me. I told B that these random bits about X’s past are not appreciated and did not affect how I felt about him. After all this I really started distancing myself from B. We hung out here and there, during the day mostly to avoid having to deal with her drinking. She’d come into my work with her new work friends to start their nights off before getting black out with them, buying bags of cocaine even, etc. This past episode was my final straw. She went back to her hometown to visit family and texted me something very cryptic. It was “we need to talk. It’s very important and will have to wait until I get back from my trip, which is in 4 days.” I felt like I maybe did something wrong, and I was concerned so I told her how I felt and she did not respond. After some time I texted again saying that I’m stressed and asked her to explain. She ignored that completely and instead texted to tell me she’s having another mental breakdown and was at the clinic. I told her I am there for her if she needs to talk and what not. She gets back home and we hang out twice and she did not bring up our “little talk”. I finally bit the bullet and confronted her and asked what it was about and she told me “not to worry about it”. I sent her a lengthy text telling her that I am needing to put up boundaries because I found what she did manipulative. I didn’t say the world manipulative explicitly because in the past when she’s been confronted, she shuts down completely and will block you out for weeks on end until you apologize. She ended up apologizing for that and didn’t mean to trigger me, since my toxic ex used to say things like “we need to talk. But it’ll wait til we’re at home” and then I’d freak out until he got home and it would be something stupid, he just wanted me to be stressed out for a while. After this I stopped reaching out. I saw her while I was out with X and friends of his, and we talked for a bit before me and X went home for the night. The next day she texted me “are we still doing something later or na?” And I didn’t recall making any plans so I said so. She just liked the message and I haven’t heard from her since, really. She’s had a really hard time in her life. She lost her mother during her teenage years and I know Mother’s Day is a very hard day for her. I really care about B, but her behavior lately is making me not want to be around her at all. I sent her that I was thinking about her and her mom on Mother’s Day and did not hear back(even though she texted my mom for Mother’s Day). Then I started seeing online that she’s liking posts with the topic “I hate that one friend who drops everyone when they get into a relationship, it’s the most disgusting type of friend”. Multiple posts like that, and I know they’re about me. It made me feel really guilty for not hanging out with B anymore. I ask my other friends if the amount I see X bothers them, and the answer is always no. That I should be able to see my significant other who I’m falling in love with as much as we’d both like to. It’s not like it was with my toxic ex at all. It just seems to me like B is thinking it’s going to be the same way as it was. She’s fully ignoring me now, and even though I’m not reaching out either, I still feel like the asshole. AITA?

This is party 2 of a discussion regarding how poly could have been handled a little better in BG3. I recommend you read through the first part here: https://new.reddit.com/BaldursGate3/comments/1crb2s7/how_the_polyamory_could_have_been_handled/ so you can get context and I sound like less of a rambling weirdo.
​
Astarion:
Out of all the discussions, people were the most confused by this choice. Not only does making him poly at the last minute feel contrary to a lot of statements he himself makes throughout his romance arc, but it also runs counter to what other characters say about him and his backstory as a whole. He is one of the most insecure characters in the game, he was trained for two hundred years to lie in order to avoid punishment, and he has far more trauma and healing to do than the other characters. Astarion is the most likely to lie about the Halsin relationship in order to avoid appearing weak or demanding. Out of the poly players who expressed disappointment, Astarion was the one that bothered them the most, since many felt he wasn’t fully consenting.
Most of my reasons for why he’s not a good poly option (from a development standpoint) have already been stated in earlier sections, so most of this will be spent diving into the “Is he fine with poly or not?” debate, which had me intrigued. (This will be the longest section and won’t be as connected to the overall topic, so if you want to skip to the Halsin part, feel free.)
I’ll start with the main arguments I see defending him being poly.
Argument 1: He says he’s fine with Halsin and the twins, so we should take him at his word.
While this can definitely be argued, and it’s not good to treat an adult man like a baby, his constant lying as a defense mechanism and current issues with sex/relationships do need to be taken into account (if not by the players then at least by the developers). There were plenty of people (some of them victims of SA) who talked about their own experience of tolerating poly because they were scared of their partner leaving or finding them too demanding/narrow minded. This led to their self-esteem and views on relationships growing worse rather than better. For someone like Astarion, who outright admits he has never had a healthy relationship and doesn’t want to lose this one, it’s understandable that people view his response as a coping mechanism rather than his own genuine feelings. There were also two different mental health professionals who reminded players that although a few victims of abuse do enter poly relationships, statistically most do not and it is far more common for them to agree to poly relationships out of pressure (which often make the person’s mental issues even worse in the long run).
Argument 2: He claims to be fine with open relationships during Act 1.
This is countered by the fact that everything he says about himself in Act 1 is a lie (unless he’s specifically talking about Cazador). He lies about wanting to sleep with you, he lies about his identity until he bites you, he claims to only care about sex (then later admits it makes him feel disgust and loathing), and he brags about his former conquests (which you later find out he regrets and feels guilt over). His statements that he’s fine with open relationships are made when choosing between him and another Origin character in Act 1 or 2, but this is also said at a time when his act is still up and he isn’t in love with the player. If you choose between him and another Origin character AFTER he confesses and let’s his guard down, he insists that he is NOT fine with sharing. “You’ve decided to replace me?” If the player says they care about both him and the other person, he’ll say, “Don’t give me that. I can see what this is.” Then he promptly breaks up with them. This second reaction is not only said using his genuine voice (whereas before he was still using his fake one), but a few poly people mentioned that this isn’t a normal reaction from someone who is fine with poly.
This isn’t to shame people who want to think Astarion is fine with it, or to judge players who went through with the poly relationship. Instead, this is once again asking the developers why they chose this option, rather than someone who wouldn’t spark so much debate or remind abuse victims of their past without giving them a dialogue option to address it. (This is a similar issue with Astarion’s brothel scene. They should have either removed it by having him say he’s not comfortable again, or at the very least, let players talk to him about it after.)
I think it’s pretty clear that after reading the discussions and evidence both sides provided, I myself lean heavily to one side. However, the main defense I personally have for the opposite side is that the writers were sometimes vague about Astarion’s true preferences and wishes. I especially felt this during the origin playthrough, where his narrator would constantly flip between him liking hedonism and despising it. It gave the impression that two opposing authors were wrestling while writing him, unable to decide where he truly stood on things. It felt similar to how the devs tried to write a respectful story of overcoming abuse and the fear of being sexualized, only to turn around and repeatedly sexualize the character in both the game and promotional material. I really wish the writers and developers had picked a lane and stuck with it.
Now I’ll get into the evidence for the counter theory: That he’s not actually open to sharing, but says he’s fine with it to avoid appearing weak or losing his partner. I personally prefer this theory because it makes the writing seem more intentional, adds more nuance to an already complex character, and feels more realistic. However, even if this is what the writer or actor were trying to convey, it’s still a far worse alternative to simply keeping him out of the poly options in the first place.

1. His hedonistic playboy persona is stated to be a façade. Anything he says in act one about being poly and wanting open relationships is stated when he is both wearing his mask and before he trusts the player. Every statement about relationships here has to be taken with a grain of salt because his mask is centered around attracting victims for Cazador. Since he hated bringing “sweet innocents” to his master, it makes sense that he would initially try to attract the opposite (“criminals and brothel goers”) by sleeping around and making a show of wanting casual relationships.
   
2. Once he gets comfortable in the relationship, he makes it clear he is looking for someone who will make him feel safe and value him for his personality over his body (“I don’t want you to think of me in terms of sex. I don’t think I want anyone to.” “How do you want me to see you?” “As a person. Is that so much to ask?”). If the player chooses to sexualize him, he will go through with it, then regret it later and break up. He makes it very clear in Act two that he’s not actually looking for casual hookups because they make him feel “ashamed and alone”. So it is odd that he’s fine with Halsin (who seems to care more about the sex and the body than the emotional bonding) and the brothel (which is solely about sex). One can argue that he’s fine with the poly relationship because he’s not taking part, but Halsin DOES wish for him to take part ‘eventually’.
   
3. Jumping off of that, Astarion’s dialogue makes it clear he wants a partner who cares about more than just sex, but if you tell him you want to date Halsin solely for the sex (and because Astarion’s not doing it with you), he will say that’s fine and he doesn’t mind the player seeking sex from others. This seems to counter his previous statements and arc. It’s especially strange that even if you reinforce his greatest insecurity (that his refusal to have sex has made his partner immediately seek out other people), he will still claim to be fine with it.
   
4. In terms of dialogue, the actor for Astarion seems to be very intentional when using the fake theatrical masking voice vs. the more genuine softspoken voice he uses when he’s comfortable and being honest. The fake voice is blatantly obvious throughout the Act 1 romance, in Act 2 if you force him to obey the blood merchant (his voice goes from genuinely scared to flirtatious and over the top within seconds), and in Cazador’s mansion where he’ll speak genuinely to you, then be over the top when addressing Cazador’s servants. He’ll often use jokes and loud laughter to conceal his true feelings and insecurities. Meanwhile his laughter in the confession scene, graveyard scene, and Spawn epilogue is quiet and subdued because he’s being genuine. It feels like a strange coincidence that when addressing both the Halsin situation and the brothel situation, his voice becomes very loud and high pitched again, he immediately starts making jokes, and his laughter is over the top. This hints at him not wanting to go along with either situation, but he’s putting himself through it because this is what his partner wants and since he’s tolerated sexual stuff he hated before, he can do it again. Plus, after killing Cazador, he wants to ensure no one views him as weak. He has to prove to himself and his lover (at least in his mind) that refusing to take the Ascendant powers was good and he’s strong enough to not need it. I can understand players not picking up on the voice changes (because not everyone is going to replay the game or even care) but those who did notice it believe it’s done intentionally (either by the actor or the writer or both). If it’s not intentional, then it’s a strange decision to make from a developer’s standpoint.
   
5. Throughout the threads I read, most poly people made it clear that poly relationships require complete trust, clear communication, and general confidence. Astarion himself admits to lacking all of those traits to some degree. If you don’t romance him, he will literally not trust any of the characters right up to the epilogue (he’ll hold a knife behind his back while talking to the Dark Urge). Even though he does seem to genuinely trust his lover by Act 2, he will still lie to them several times. He lies about being fine with the drow twins (he states he’ll leave if he hates if but never does despite disassociating), feigns confidence when the player says they’ll become a mind flayer (he says he only cares about them becoming ugly but expresses his true fears only after the fight, that he’s worried they are no longer the person he fell in love with by losing their soul), he manipulates his lover when confronting Cazador despite being conflicted about it himself and wanting reassurance, and (on a more minor note) he continuously claims he’s doesn’t care about Yenna or the Gur children despite getting upset when they’re in danger. This is a character who, even after he kills his tormentor, struggles to be honest with his partner. That isn’t a good combination when addressing poly. (Again, it could be worked through in real life, but is better avoided in video games where there isn’t time to address it).
   
6. There are also plenty of situations where he agrees to do things he outright hates. In Act 1, we know he is (at least somewhat) disgusted by having sex with the player or Laezel, but he’ll do it. In Act 2, he tries to be genuine about not wanting to touch the player until he no longer feels disgust, but if the player pressures him, he will cave and obey. He does break up with the player afterwards, but it is only after he has gone through with the act. In Act 3, he will state three times that he doesn’t want to take the tadpole, but if the player pressures him by bringing up his darkest fear, he will give in. Worse, he will give in and STILL stay with the player romantically despite them clearly manipulating him to do something they know he fears. He does thankfully break up if you fail the checks, but if you succeed, he goes through with it. If he’s willing to cave to something as huge as altering his entire body, it makes sense that he would cave to something he views as more minor (like tolerating unwanted sexual acts in a brothel or sharing his partner).
   
7. I didn’t know this until I saw others mention it but there are points where he will flirt with NPCs if he is single (the girl in the sewers), but he uses neutral dialogue if he is dating the player. This reinforces the theory that he doesn’t actually plan to sleep around or be with others as he claims (though there are some dialogues that I think slipped through the cracks where he still flirts with others despite being in a committed relationship).
   
8. If Halsin propositions you after Cazador has been killed, Astarion no longer asks if you’re doing this because he hasn’t been fulfilling your sexual needs. However, he does give another response that feels out of place: “I’ve realized it doesn’t matter if anything (in our relationship) changes.” Parallel this with what he said at the graveyard, that “no matter what happens, I don’t want to lose this (relationship).” It’s very odd to have him say he doesn’t want to lose the relationship, but then the next day he is totally okay with losing it. Granted, it is nice to know that even if the characters break up, he’ll be fine, but it does feel contradictory for his character, especially with how devastated he acts if they DO end the relationship. If the Halsin statement is just an act and he’s overcompensating, however, then it feels more intentional on the writer’s part.
   
9. I’ve seen lots of people say that Ascended Astarion also shouldn’t be fine with poly, and I agree, though it’s for different reasons than Spawn Astarion. Unlike SA, I think Ascended would absolutely do the brothel scene because 1. He’s actively suppressing his trauma and playing a new character and 2. He feels in control in the brothel and is the focus. However, with Halsin, he doesn’t have any control. For someone obsessed with possessing his lover and ensuring they can never leave him, letting them sleep with Halsin doesn’t fit his writing. He isn’t participating. He doesn’t know what they’re doing behind his back. For all he knows, Halsin and the player might be discussing how to kill Astarion or escape him. In some deleted party banter, Halsin literally tells Ascended Astarion he doesn’t approve of the abusive spawn/master relationship they’ve formed. With that knowledge, not only should Halsin not be willing to join a poly relationship that he thinks is unhealthy, but he has a motivation to help the player get away from AA (and AA would know this). I could see Spawn Astarion hesitantly agreeing to the Halsin thing despite not wanting to share, but AA just wouldn’t. It feels contrary to both his and Halsin’s writing.
   
10. This is the second most convincing piece of evidence for me: The Drow twins. If you ask Astarion to join a ‘group activity’, he’ll use his fake voice and flighty laugh and agree to go through it, saying he’ll run away if he doesn’t like it and comparing the act to burning in the sun (a little concerning that he’s already comparing the two). Then during the act, he will immediately ask the player what they want “us” to do. Not only is he lumping himself in with the prostitutes, but he is also doing something that an Origin playthrough reveals is a trigger for him (he tells the drow twins that being ‘told what to do’ reminds him of his time as a slave). If the player tries to check up on him, he ignores them and says he wishes he was drunk. Then he disassociates and never brings it up again. This has been viewed two ways: either he doesn’t want to have casual sex anymore and wants to be in a one-on-one relationship, or he does want to do stuff like this but just needs to heal more before he can. I lean toward the first assumption because he is acting flighty and fake BEFORE the sexual act even begins. If he really wanted to do it but changed his mind after, it makes more sense for him to sound genuine at first, then fake halfway through.
    

But the main thing that sticks out to me is his reaction to you asking for only ONE drow twin. If you do, he will accuse you of having a thing for prostitutes and call it embarrassing, then glare at you for the rest of the conversation. This is especially sad because not only have the player’s actions made him feel like a prostitute again, but now he seems to be wondering if you started dating him BECAUSE he was a prostitute, not for who he really is.
Compare this to the Halsin situation and the drow ‘group activity’. For Halsin, he says he was expecting this for months. He’s had several months to plan his reaction and decide what he’s willing to tolerate. Hence, he has a very rehearsed reaction. With the twins, he had less time to anticipate this but probably also worried about it (especially if the player asked about them earlier and he said no. Now he expects the player to try again and has planned accordingly). Again, this response feels rehearsed and fake. The only response where he uses his real voice is when you ask for one of the twins alone. This is something he likely wouldn’t plan for, so we get to see his gut reaction for the first time: he doesn’t want you to do it.
Now some people argue that he’s fine with Halsin and not the other Origin characters because Halsin is just a fling and won’t try to take his spot. If that’s the case, he should be fine with the twins too. If anything, they are even less of a threat. Yet he doesn’t want you to do it and responds accordingly. If he truly was poly, he would respond like Karlach did and tell you to have fun, or like Shadowheart telling you to give him a heads up first. But we don’t see that.
One other thing about the twins that I felt I could point out: if you or the twins ask to do a group activity before Cazador is killed, Astarion says he’s not comfortable with this yet. The “yet” part has been pointed out to show that he’s fine with it after Cazador has been killed (even though he still disassociates later). However, another explanation of the “yet” part is that he’s trying to soften the blow because he’s scared of using a blunt NO. We see this with Araj, the blood merchant. Even though he is absolutely disgusted with her treatment of him and how she’s “defiling” him with her fantasies, his rejections of her are very soft and nervous. Even when reinforced by his friend/lover, he says “It’s still a no, I’m afraid” with a smile. Turning down sexual encounters is tough for him, even when he has people backing him up, so I can see him using words like “yet” or “I’m afraid” to soften the blow. I know several people in real life who do this, despite later admitting there was no “yet”.
There’s another part of this dialogue with the early twins that I want to point out (really overanalyzing here but if we want to believe the writers do things intentionally/with a lot of forethought, I think it’s okay to read into the words they use). When Astarion says he’s not comfortable with the twins, the player’s response is “I wouldn’t ask such a thing of you”. This will raise his approval and make him respond positively. The promise you give him is not “I’ll ask them later, after we’ve killed Cazador” or “I would have liked to but okay” (that one doesn’t trigger his positive response). He only approves of you saying you won’t ask him to do things like this (stated in a tense that implies you will NEVER ask him to do such a thing, regardless of Cazador’s stabbed or unstabbed state). This could have been the writer hinting that if you bring him back after, you’re going back on your promise and thus have to see the disassociating scene. That…or the writer wasn’t thinking too hard and we are simply thinking too much.

1. With all that out of the way, we’ll get to the final point that solidifies this theory for me personally. It’s the statements of Shadowheart and Minthara if you ask to do a three-way relationship with one of them and Astarion. Shadowheart’s response is: “I think you’re overestimating his willingness to share. He may seem like a carefree hedonist, but there’s something fragile beneath the façade.” Minthara says something nearly identical, that sharing would wound his pride and he is far too fragile to handle it. You could even add Astarion’s line from the other end, where if you ask Astarion to share with you and Karlach, he will say they shouldn’t because Karlach loves the player and relationships are fragile (implying that he either thinks open relationships don’t work if there’s love involved, or perhaps he himself can only do open relationships if he doesn’t love the other person).

The main argument I’ve seen disproving these statements by Shadowheart and Minthara is that they’re just plain wrong about him. If so, it’s a strange writing choice to not only have both of them be wrong about the exact same thing, but they’re both high wisdom characters who are proven to understand Astarion in a lot of ways other characters don’t. (All three of them have been enslaved and manipulated, Minthara comprehends the depths of his relationship with Cazador within minutes of being in the camp, and Shadowheart is one of the closest to Astarion in terms of friendship and liking him.)
If Astarion actually is fine with poly, then it means both Shadowheart and Minthara are wrong. That means the writers either made a mistake or made a very weird writing choice.
However, if Astarion is actually pretending to be fine with sharing as they say, not only is the writing consistent but these dialogues become very clever foreshadowing. I want to give the writers the benefit of the doubt and believe they did a good job with Astarion, so I prefer to lean into the theory that he’s pretending because it makes more sense for him overall.
That was quite a long tangent and somewhat unnecessary, but he’s a character whose mannerisms and statements are meant to be heavily analyzed, so it’s fun to go more in depth. Let’s move on.

1. ISSUES WITH HOW HALSIN WAS PRESENTED

We’re finally at the last point, and in a way the direct cause of this entire thread: Halsin. Now, I have no issue with Halsin being poly (again, he’s listed as one of my four ideal options for it) but I do have several issues with how he was written and presented. The Shadowheart part I will skip over because I already got into it, but there are many other problems to address and most of them could have been fixed very easily.

1. He is not presented as poly until Act 3. I was reading through a thread full of people who loved him and several of them were early access players who had requested he become a romance option. However, the reason they requested him was very important. In EA, all three of the male options seemed immature (Wyll), condescending (Gale), or straight up evil (Astarion). Meanwhile Halsin was, in their words, a mature man who seems like the type to settle down with them in a cottage and help raise their kids. This is the impression he gives and what drew many people to him. As a result, many of these players were extremely disappointed to reach Act 3 once the game was out and discover that not only was he the complete opposite of their initial impression, but he won’t even stay with the player after the game ends (in most cases). Honestly, if I was a developer and saw that they liked him for those earlier reasons, I wouldn’t make him strictly poly because that wasn’t what the players wanted. They wanted him because he was muscular and a good, stable man. It was a very odd choice to turn around and give the players the opposite of what they asked for. But if the devs were truly determined to go the poly route, they should have at least gone back to Act 1 and 2 and slipped in some hints that he was poly. I saw some newer players who recently played the game for the first time and wanted to romance him for the aforementioned reasons (stable, mature, kind, huge). They ignored all other romances until Act 3, then got hit with the “I’m only poly” discussion. Had they known he wasn’t monogamous, they wouldn’t have blown off all the other options.
   
2. But let’s ignore that. We’re focusing on the world where he IS completely poly (though some were arguing that it should at least be an option to ask if he’ll try being monogamous with the player.) The way he is presented still has a lot of issues according to poly players. For one, the way he tries to butt in on the relationship is done in a really sketchy manner (especially considering what some of the Origin characters have gone through/are currently going through). It would have been far better to do what they did with Minsc and give the PLAYER the option to hit on Halsin, rather than the other way around. Have them offer poly to him, and then he can discuss it from there. Having the proposition come from Halsin himself puts him in a negative light, and it’s pretty clear the writers didn’t actually want to portray him as a bad person so they messed up here.
   
3. The flagging for Halsin’s dialogues is awful and despite seeing people report it for eight months, that hasn’t changed. Even if you pick the most neutral option, he will still hit on you by saying “I think you feel the same way”. Not a good idea. “I HOPE you feel the same way” would have been infinitely better. Women often have to deal with people assuming their friendly, professional conversation is something more when it isn’t. It’s not a great idea to bring that into fantasy games too. It hit too close to home for some.
   
4. Even if you use the most neutral option at the Act 1 party (“Go have fun and mingle”), your main dialogue option the next day is “Sorry for coming on so strong last night”. It’s a strange thing to say. Again, I’m not sure how developers missed this and why it was never patched out. I saw people reporting it since the release.
   
5. He will also ask for a relationship at neutral approval. In most of my playthroughs, I stopped talking to him beyond the Thaniel quest and avoided asking about his personal life. He still led his proposition with “I think you feel the same way”. How does he know when we only spoke to him three times? They should have at least required you to go through all his extra dialogues before triggering this.
   
6. When Halsin says he loves you, you have two options: reject him straight away, or ask about his opinions a little more. Oddly enough, if you ask a bit more and THEN reject him, he’ll have a proper response. “That’s fine. I understand. I won’t ask again.” However, if you reject him as soon as he starts talking to you, his response is very off putting. He’ll protest and say, “but you asked me about my former lovers” or, if you didn’t even do that, he’ll claim “you looked after me with the care of a lover, not a host.” These pushy assumptions turned a lot of people off. This is entirely on the writer, in my opinion. He should have realized how weird these sounded.
   
7. Halsin is the only person you can’t dismiss from your camp at any point through dialogue. All of the origins have to be pursued and recruited intentionally. Halsin is the only exception. This makes some sense because you need him to cure the Shadowlands, but for Act 3, he literally has nothing to do. They should have given players an option after the Ketheric fight to dismiss him and tell him to take care of the Shadowlands. It makes a lot more sense narratively and would help avoid a lot of the more awkward parts later.
   
8. Halsin’s initial dialogue about monogamy vs. polyamory is mostly fine, with him comparing it to gardens and wolves vs. bears. But (and don’t quote me on this because I can’t recall the specifics), if you ask your partner to do poly and they say no, Halsin will be a little more judgmental about your partner, saying he was hoping they would be more “open minded”. Statistically, the majority of BG3’s players are going to be monogamous, so it’s strange to see nearly every character (monogamous or poly) criticize monogamy in some way. It is called selfish, narrow minded, and old fashioned by at least 3 characters to my knowledge (Halsin, Act 1 Astarion, and even Gale (who is monogamous himself)). If the developers truly wanted to be inclusive, criticizing one’s lifestyle and having no characters openly defend it in the game (even those who practice it) is a disappointing choice. In this case, it might be an unintentional mistake (maybe they feared that by defending monogamy, they were somehow demonizing polygamy or polyamory), but it would have been better to just leave the criticisms out of it entirely if that was the case.
   

And that’s it. I think that’s all the points from myself and others that I wanted to compile. I don’t think any of this will be changed in BG3 but I hope all of these points and opinions will at least improve any future games. It’s great that BG3 was able to make nuanced characters with their own opinions and preferences—I much prefer it to “everyone is poly and no one gets mad if you cheat” games where characters feel more like statues than living beings—but I do wish they thought the poly options through more carefully (trying to make poly people comfortable while leaving room for monogamous players to enjoy the romances too).
The only feasible fix the developers could make at this point to avoid all the issues mentioned is keeping Halsin poly but removing his connections to other Origin romances (or at least Karlach and Astarion). At this point, that’s the only thing that could realistically be done. I also wish they made characters break up with you if you cheat on them in the brothel, since that’s what many people including myself would do.
Again, these opinions are my own (and those that aren’t come from a variety of comments across Youtube, Reddit, and Larian’s forums). I enjoyed getting to see so many different viewpoints and appreciated how civil (most of) the people on both sides were. It’s an interesting topic and here’s hoping game studios handle it better in the future.
If anyone reads this far and wants links to the threads, forums, and youtube comment sections, let me know.